#zhulimoonn

[zhulimoonn]

every time i see a skinny hot bod im like damn i want that but i have to either cut out food or alcohol

#and that’s not gonna happen #lol #relatable #lazy #love myself tho #chubby #happy #joke #funny #depressed #anxiety #social anxiety #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #01.29.2022

[zhulimoonn]

why is it with men..whenever you have a feeling, it upsets them 🙄

#relationships #men #wtf #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn

[zhulimoonn]

i wanna make my simple depression meal microwave burrito

sounds so simple

it isn’t easy to do when you don’t even wanna get outta bed

it isn’t easy when you can’t navigate a way out of your head

its even harder when you live with someone

that you can’t really live with

i don’t wanna hear about all your problems

or how you victimize yourself

or how you can’t help anything

i just want a burrito

that i don’t even want

but i have to feed myself

(i actually really like these for microwave burritos)

im just depressed today

like most days

i don’t wanna interact with you

i don’t have the energy to be your diary

#idk what this is #poem #maybe #idk #depression #depressed #anxiety #social anxiety #abuse #trauma #abusive parents #abusive relationship #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #02.04.2022

[zhulimoonn]

i kept thinking if i waited, i would have something happy to write a poem about

but my life’s always been full of people being abusive/lying to me

so i continued to write sad things

im starting to wonder,

do the people who write happy/love poems actually experience those things?

or is it all made up

to give them hope

to keep them sane..

#poetry #sad #depressed #poems #depression #anxiety #mental illness luv #mental illness #art #writing #tired #life be good plz #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #06.10.2021

[zhulimoonn]

i think one of the reasons i get more upset at your actions than i do anyone else’s is because i wasn’t gonna make a friend again until you,

i wasn’t gonna trust again until you,

i wasn’t gonna love again until you,

but now you just let me down like all the others

and it hurts the most.... because you were my last hope

#vent #sad #depressed #relationships #journal #depression #anxiety #loner #trust issues #ventblog #zhulimoonn #04.07.21

[zhulimoonn]

“Altogether it was a very pleasant experience. The friendship of the sailors, the song of the wind in the rigging, the smell of sweat and salt and tar. Over the long days, these things slowly eased the bitterness I felt towards my ill treatment at the hands of the Maer Alveron and his loving lady wife.” - Kvothe, The Wiseman’s Fear

just got to this line and it makes me realize how different experiences can ease the bad ones.

i spent so much of my life trying to please the people in it. whether it be my family, friends, work or the relationship im in.

ive spent so many hours in agony at how im not perfect, or how ive wronged them and the things they’ve said to me or made me feel.

so many times i felt less than a person. and i kick myself now. like that was just ONE person’s feelings and opinions towards me who was expecting too much of me anyway.

if Kvothe would have cared too much about the Maer’s rep more or his relationship with him, he could have spent hours agonizing over it, instead of moving forward with his life

i wish to figure out how to do that. i guess for him it was easier since he had no choice but to keep moving forward. i know i do too but my moving forward isn’t farther than my bedroom and i think the change of scenery would have made a world of difference for me

#rambles #random thoughts #inspired #pat rothfuss #patrick rothfuss #the wiseman’s fear #the name of the wind #kvothe #life #life lessons #life could be simpler #i make it complicated #by overthinking #keep moving forward #life will surprise you #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #06.24.2021

[zhulimoonn]

im depressed

how do i know if im in love

how do i know if i can even love

im a wreck

it doesn’t help being a pessimist

or does it help to be a pessimist?

im a mess

maybe i just need more rest

can i even rest

im upset

i dont know how to figure anything out

maybe i don’t need to figure anything out

maybe ill never figure anything out

#dumb poem #or song #beginner #poetry #songwriting #tired #depressed #love #rest #relax #life sucks #depression #sad #loner #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #03.26.2021

[zhulimoonn]

all people have done is let me down, and lie to me, time and time again...

but maybe the journey is finding the ones who won’t

#trying to be positive #but i really wanna die #like fuck people #fuck trust #heartbroken #vent #ventblog #depressed #depression #relationships #zhulimoonn #02.26.2021

[zhulimoonn]

ok my daily i am independent

i am independent

self love is enough

i am indepentdent

i take care of myself and others best when i put myself first

i am independent

i can do everything on my own

i am indepentdent

i am proud at how far ive come

i am indepentdent

i can take myself out on dates

i am independent

i can hold myself at night

i am independent

i can get thru panic attacks on my own

i am independent

i am independent

i am independent

i only need myself

#indepentdent #trying to be #but im #codependent #codependence #codependency #codependent problems #abuse #abusive relationship #tired #depressed #depression #anxiety #panic attacks #don’t wanna be alone #but i can be #i am independent #trying to be positive #ventblog #zhulimoonn #06.10.2021

[zhulimoonn]

i had a dream last night about my aunt who passed away back in November

We were all at a restaurant having dinner, and she was at the end of the table in a wheelchair.

I thought it was weird at first that she was in a wheelchair but that’s all i thought, then i remembered her passing and went over to talk to her

i couldn’t think of what to say. I just felt in shock.

she looked and smiled and said “I love you”.

it sounded just like her..

it was a beautiful dream to have. especially since i was out of state when she got sick and passed. I never got to say goodbye..

now i feel like i got to feel and hear her warmth one last time

#family #aunt #passing #pass away #greiving #sad #but happy #dreams #writing #journal #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #04.04.2021

[zhulimoonn]

no matter how hard i love

or how much i beg;

no one is ever going to love me like you did

ever again

#love #sad #depressed #anxiety #vent #relationships #ventblog #zhulimoonn #05.19.2021

[zhulimoonn]

fake laughs and smiles make the pain hurt more

i wish i could just act how i feel

#depressed #depression #anxiety #severe anxiety #loner #fake #vent #journaling #ventblog #zhulimoonn #05.05.21

[zhulimoonn]

i think Juneau would be a very adorable name for a pet or if i ever have a kid someday

#random thoughts #baby names #journal #ventblog #zhulimoonn #04.09.21

[zhulimoonn]

i know we need to break up... i just can’t muster up the strength

how does one just leave their only family and best friend that they finally started dating?

i never envisioned things not working out between us

i just can’t stand the lies

i can’t move past them

but im also not strong enough to leave

i wanna be strong enough so badly...

i wanna see if i can really be happy for once..

why is life so hard, why do i have to feel so alone in everything

#sigh #my whining #sorry #depressed #depression #relationships #suck #need friends #need a family #loner #sad #anxiety #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #03.16.21

[zhulimoonn]

i could try to sit here and pretend

hide my emotions in my head

i could try to change what’s not mending

but im not so good at pretending

i could try to sit here and restart

clean out the inside of my heart

i could try to do something

but i can’t help but feel nothing

i could try to sit here and obey

adhere to all the words you say

i could try to change my thinking

but i can’t help myself from shrinking

#idk #poem in progress #ig #just need to write #or do something #before #i lose my mind #poem #poetry #beginner #loner #sad #depressed #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #03.09.21

[zhulimoonn]

ive completely cried my makeup off more times than i can count..

#atleast i save on makeup remover #ig #when will it end #sad #sadness #depression #pain #loner #depressed #anxiety #overthinking #worrying #so over feeling like this #vent #ventblog #zhulimoonn #05.22.2021