#codependence

[vizthedatum]

If someone is having difficulty empathizing with you after repeated attempts of communicating and showing them how you want to be treated, then a boundary needs to be made.

It doesn't matter if the person is a good person or not.

This boundary can include saying "no" or changing the dynamics of your relationship (including ending the relationship).

You are not being cruel for having boundaries or pulling back your energy.

Do not enable behavior that hurts you, even if there are reasons for that behavior.

#codependent recovery #codependence #recovering codependent #healing #trauma #neurodivergence #queer #self love #prose #autistic #advocacy #self-validation #people-pleasing #recovering people-pleaser #communication #boundary #boundaries

[apocalypsegay]

[image ID: a screenshot of a post by llleighsmith that reads “maybe i am a bit codependent but also we were not made to face the world alone” followed by a reblog by breadyeast posting an excerpt that reads “Attachment principles teach us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs. When their emotional needs are met, and the earlier the better, they usually turn their attention outward. This is sometimes referred to in attachment literature as the “dependency pradox”: The more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more independent and daring they become.” End ID]

🗣️ the word you’re all looking for is “interdependence” i know “co” and “dependence” together sound like Cooperation and Relying On Each Other but it’s a term meant specifically to talk about an imbalanced relationship where one person takes on another’s needs and wants over their own, including the enabling of destructive behavior, to their own detriment please please please stop using words when you have NO CLUE what they MEAN

#codependence #codependency #codependent #the fandomification of psychiatric and sociological terms is possibly the worst thing that couldve ever happened

[zoomar]

Sad-Eyed Big John $5.88

Big John the Bloodhound steals little girls' hearts away. Toyland's most lovable character is almost life-size and just begs to be petted. Body and ears of super soft acrylic with polyurethane foam filling. Bright orange with white chest. Wrinkled brow, drooping dewlaps, soulful eyes.

#bloodhound #toxic relationship #big john #depression #codependence #covert narcissism

[sunglow-xoxo]

Too many people are getting comfortable mislabeling codependent, one-sided karmic interactions as “Twin Flame” relationships and that needs to stop. It really has some people believing they have to stick around and endure pain, neglect, and abuse under the guise of love.

It’s especially saddening when I see people putting their lives on hold to wait for the other person to come around. The diligence towards denial and stagnation is self-sabotaging at best. While I do believe that twin flame relationships exist, I do not believe they are as common or toxic as people think.

#twin flame #twin flames #karmic #karmic relationships #love #romance #codependent #codependence #codependent relationships

[audreywritesthings]

I am just so tired of making myself small of making myself as unobtrusive as possible just so people will allow me to continue existing. just so they will continue to tolerate the ways in which they have made it abundantly clear that my existence inconveniences them. I have chafed at such confines before. many times. and every time I think I have escaped every time I think that I am free it turns out to be just another cage. maybe slightly larger than the previous one - at least at first.

but inevitably the cages shrink and shrink each one smaller than the one that came before until they cannot possibly hold me anymore and I am expected to cut off bits of myself to accommodate them, not the other way around. to show that I am grateful for the scraps of existence I am permitted for the crumbs of so-called freedom I am gifted in this indentured servitude that is the cost of my continued survival.

I'm sorry for being a burden I'm sorry that my existence is an inconvenience for everyone who's ever had the misfortune to meet me I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry that I cannot be a perfect robot person with no needs, no wants, no limitations no thoughts or feelings or desires who will do everything you ask without question and expect nothing in return

I'm sorry that I'm a worthless scrap of garbage that cannot be disposed of or recycled just regifted in the world's most unpleasant game of hot-potato passed from one person to the next always unwanted maybe, briefly, loved but always, always discarded.

I sometimes wish I had the courage to discard myself like everyone else to spare them the inconvenience of me. to eliminate the burden of my existence. but even when I've thought about it even when I tried once or twice I could never follow through. I'm too much of a coward for the coward's way out.

so I'm still here. still difficult. still inconvenient. still a burden. a drain of resources. a perpetual waste of space. ungrateful. unwanted. unloved.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.

#my writings #personal #depression #isolation #codependence #guilt

[catboy-slim-art]

song i wrote 1 year ago

#my music #song #sad songs #repression #depression #rhodes #acoustic bass #melodica #slim's tunes #codependence

[abrighterspark]

in my mind's eye, you're frozen in time, in place not even revolving, never evolving

taxidermied, preserved, stuffed

until the next time we meet, face to face and you ask me to reassure you, learn you all over again

this time: i see you

you look soft and spiky, like a tumbleweed happier drifting with the wind and your thorns but when you latch on to your chosen rock, they're stuck with you, more often than not...

because you're endearing, as much as you're wearying.

again, you ask me to reassure you i hear you

you said: i'm ready to bloom and i said: let me take a step back, and you can have the room and i wait it seems i'm always waiting on you to let go, to latch on to latch on to me, preferably... ha!

instead, i see you grow i hear you, and i know

it's my problem, not yours but i'd like to cultivate my roses, too and i can't do that if i'm letting you still my room, waiting on you to see me and the space that i need.

#poetry #napowrimo #long poems #writerscreed #poeticthoughts #twcpoetry #caregiving #roses #personal growth #self assured #codependence #self growth #poets on tumblr #spilled words #spilled thoughts #poets on life

[hauntedselves]

Co-Dependent Checklist

[This is] a list of the major characteristics of co-dependency. I’ve found it very useful over the years in helping clients determine whether they are co-dependent. If you think this term may apply to you, please go through the list.

I use “him” as a universal pronoun to refer to a troubled person of either gender. I realize that many men are in co-dependent relationships with deeply troubled wives or lovers.

Solving his problems or relieving his pain is the most important thing in my life—no matter what the emotional cost to me.

My good feelings depend on approval from him.

I protect him from the consequences of his behavior. I lie for him, cover up for him, and never let others say anything bad about him.

I try very hard to get him to do things my way.

I don’t pay any attention to how I feel or what I want. I only care about how he feels and what he wants.

I will do anything to avoid getting rejected by him.

I will do anything to avoid making him angry at me.

I experience much more passion in a relationship that is stormy and full of drama.

I am a perfectionist and I blame myself for everything that goes wrong.

I feel angry, unappreciated, and used a great deal of the time.

I pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t.

The struggle to get him to love me dominates my life.

- From Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward

#toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life #susan forward #[link to drive collection of mental health related books and articles. Toxic Parents is in Dissociation & Trauma in the Books folder] #dogpost #co dependency #codependence #codependency #Codependent relationships #abusive relationships #long post #no bold #[of course can apply to any gender in any kind of relationsnhip]

[mysweetobsessionwithwords]

you are in the habit

of co-depending

on people to

make up for what

you think you lack

who tricked you

into believing

another person

was meant to complete you

when the most they can do is complement

- Rupi Kaur, milk and honey

#poetry #poem #quotes #poems #rupi kaur #codependent #codependence

[vizthedatum]

Questioning everything this past year, and I’m realizing there were things I intellectually knew but wasn’t confronting.

I know I talk about lot about being abused and/or taken advantage of and/or misunderstood and/or extremely misaligned in a relationship or connection.

One of my friends pointed out (and I’ve tried to allude to this in my blog): I also had a role to play in these relationships - my own codependence and trauma-driven attachment issues (or just my learned behaviors with or without the auDHD and CPTSD stuff) were very much of A POLARIZED FIT with the types of people I ended up partnering or befriending.

—

Example: I get reeled in because I’m desperate to be loved, seen, and understood. And then, when they know they have me, the care and affection decreases and becomes more inconsistent and (as I find out later from their resentment) transactional (“after everything I’ve done for you!!” and the like). They cite life circumstances and situations for their limited time or their decrease of care - meanwhile, they’re increasingly putting more lovers, situations, and secrets on their plate. Meanwhile, all this is perpetuated by boundary violations that are in the grey area, ambiguous relationship agreements that are based on “trust and communication,” accusations of me antagonizing them when I share my feelings, ignoring me or leaving me hanging when I’m upset about something instead of setting a clear boundary or statement that they need space (aka silent treatment), refusing to make any changes and doing what they want while accusing me of doing what I want, being so ableist about your chronic health conditions (as if I can’t withdraw my consent from an activity at will?!), etc.

AND they also treat me well - you know and can justify why you’re in love with them - we have a good time. When things vibe - they really vibe. I forget about most of the uncomfortable feelings when we are in flow - I WANT TO FORGET AND TRUST AND JUSTIFY - I want to laugh and giggle and have a great time with my fucking friend/partner. I let it go until I remember all the unresolved issues later after my dopamine hit goes down. And they… also let it go and get upset when I bring it up again - or they unempathically listen and say that’s just how they are. Nothing changes until the next incident.

—

Listen to that - it’s shitty to say “that’s how I am” when your behavior is hurting people. Would you do that?

And I must question everything - including myself.

It doesn’t make their behaviors “right” - willful abuse or ignorance when someone (in this case, me) is hurting… is so dumb tbh. I do not make it an unknown that I’m hurting.

And my hurt gets dismissed or (somehow) all about how I’m hurting them.

—

I’ve been getting myself out of misalignment better and sooner lately. It doesn’t matter to me now if the person is X traits (aka narcissistic) or immature or traumatized or whatever.

If I’m trying to communicate and not being heard… and I’m having the physical symptoms that reflects how lost and anxious I feel? Then I need to question everything.

Blind trust does not do it for me anymore. I will trust people with what they show me, and I can be just as compassionate like that.

#healing #trauma #neurodivergence #queer #love #self love #prose #harm reduction #codependence #audhd #autistic and gullible #autistic #ptsd #cptsd #preventing myself from staying in relationships that aren’t aligned #heartbreak #heart repair #resilience #I will not be pushed into reactivity #ESPECIALLY if I might be pregnant #relational love #relationship #polyamory #processing breakup #processing relationship style #attachment style #how I end up in these relationships #processing

[antiopesayingthings]

On Enmeshment:

source:

#enmeshment #engulfment #codependence #codependency trauma #smothering #smother mother #family systems #anxious af #anxious attachment

[wanderingmind867]

My Dad is like my best and only friend. That's why the future scares me. I doubt he'll die until I'm at least in my 30s, but even the thought of being alone one day terrifies me. It's why I want to have some sort of personal assistant. If I can't make friends, then I'll at least want a kindly caretaker figure I can talk to.

#It may sound weird #but this is one of my ideals #asd #autism #codependent #neurodivergent #autistic #codependence #vent

[lokiinmediasideblog]

"There is no thor without loki vice versa" yeah that's kind of Marvel's (wnd fans) current problem. If that quote never existed im.sure the loki fandom wouldn't be as insane

That's probably why I got a Thor fan (I suspect) on my anons some day(s) ago upset about Loki "not caring about Thor" in the Loki series. Which I disagree with.

So I love their fucked up codependence, but it'll never be explored in the way I want. And I made my peace with that long ago.

I am hoping they can reunite someday. But I will even settle for a more dignified sendoff (where he can fuck off until needed) or death for MCU!Loki than fucking IW.

#codependence #mcu!loki #mcu!thor #anon asks

[overcomebyemotions]

I am a mosaic of personality traits, trying to sort through the puzzle pieces of who I am and decide what truly fits versus what I'd tried to shove into open spaces to make the prettiest picture. I think it's working - except I'm twenty-two, and I fear getting into another relationship, because I get so entwined with the other person that I can never tell where I end and they begin, until we are simply a whole because I've lost my true self again.

excerpt from something longer

#things i'll never say #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #love #relationship #excerpt from something longer #mosaic #personal #lack of identity #codependence #metaphors #journal entry

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I thought the end of June was bringing up the first anniversary of having to split from the former friend, but it turns out it was the end of July.

My anxiety brain really wants to focus in and gnaw on it, and I'm trying to keep that from happening. I made the right decision. I got out of a co-dependent, abusive relationship, and even while I understand HOW we got there from years of a healthy relationship, it doesn't change the fact that I absolutely cannot trust them ever again and don't want them anywhere near me.

They knew my history. They knew my trauma. They used it to their advantage to try and force me to take care of them so they wouldn't have to accept the reality that the shit they were in was of their own making.

And on top of the severe emotional manipulation, financial fuckery, isolation, and putting me through classic abuse cycle (if I pushed back, they'd stop responding to any contact from me for several days, and then they'd suddenly pop up ready to spend all their time with me again, and me, having feared the worst, would allow my life to be taken over), not to mention the boundary violations and constant emotional strain of just being near them, they also lied to me about their relationship with their therapist.

And, look, there's a LOT of this situation I can look at and say, "I think this started out unintentionally but then became very intentional." But they sat on my couch, looked me in the face, and told me they were following their therapist into private practice.

Sat on my couch.

Looked me in the face.

And said that.

Two weeks after their therapist had unequivocally told them their relationship would be ending.

Which I know because part of the former friend's taking over of my life to make me take care of their life was them signing me up as the ROI person for their therapist, so when shit hit the fan finally, I sent the therapist a very long email detailing what caused me to walk away from the relationship, and the therapist called me back and said, "This will all go in the clinic notes, but that person has not been my patient since the end of last month."

There is no unintentional way to lie to my fucking face on a matter that serious. It was a completely deliberate act designed to keep up the façade that the former friend was trying to take care of themself.

My dears, my darlings, even my enemies, know this: You cannot help someone who is not doing any fucking work to help themself. You cannot bail out the rowboat on the left side while someone else shoots holes into the right side. You'll both fucking drown.

There are times where the only solution that will save you is to get out of the fucking boat.

#former friend #codependence #abusive relationship #emotional manipulation #trauma #abuse recovery #i'm healthier now than i was then #but sometimes my brain wants to lie to me

[paxislandsystem]

Oh hey look I was writing lyrics and accidentally wrote a trauma poem (not sure if it's good but here it is anyway)

#madison post #tw trauma #codependence #tw codependency #poetry