#yeah... i spend a lot of time around americans. so of course this would happen

[realtalkswithfinn]

Christmas at the Compound

Avengers x reader

Summary: Avengers x reader Christmas head cannons because I am a sucker for the found family trope.

a/n: I tried to get this up before christmas but totally spaced it, so… tale it as a christmas morning gift! I tried to make it as age neutral as possible, so it could totally be teen!reader or not.

The holidays are a tough time for the Avengers.

Most of them have lost family members or friends, and the idea of celebrating anything is extremely difficult.

Tony especially - he always gets gloomy around the Holidays.

He always says something along the lines of, "I don't actually care about this, but its social convention."

But secretly he cares a lot.

He overcompensates for his lack of affection throughout the year by buying everyone the expensive gifts he knows they want but could never justify spending on themselves.

At surface level, it just seems like “oh rich guy is spending rich guy money”

But they’re actually really thoughtful gifts

Like last year, he got Peter a new laptop for school.

He bought Bucky new and thick clothes since all of his were old and worn.

He upgraded Clints cellular data so he could talk to his family anywhere.

Things like that.

Sam and Rhodey take one for the team and string the christmas lights on the tower

“It’s too cold for this.” Sam would complain, the sharp wind nipping at his cheeks as he flew from one end of the building to the other, lights in tow.

“Come one man, where’s your christmas spirit?” Rhodey would laugh

“I’m just doing this so stark’s power bill goes up.”

it really was worth it seeing the tower lit up top to bottom though

Wanda LIVES for commercialized American Christmas

"We have to make gingerbread houses and go to Rockefeller to see the Christmas tree and we have to go out to the snow and go sledding-"

She demands family Christmas photos be taken, even though you don't really have anyone to send them to.

This years theme was christmas pjs

Which lead to a few very interesting viral videos of the avengers in an Old Navy

“Tony come on the reindeer ones are cute!”

“Bruce. A man can not hold onto his masculinity while wearing pjs with dancing reindeer.”

Natasha gets tired of the bellyaching and bickering and makes the final decision

She grabs everyone’s size in the Reindeer pjs and marches to the front of the store

After snagging Tony’s credit card, of course.

Actually taking the picture is a whole other ball game, but that’s a story for another day

Thor has a hard time with the idea of Santa

You try to explain it to him, but it doesn’t seem to help

“So a fat man breaks into the safety of your home late into the night… and you let it happen because he comes baring gifts?”

“Well… yeah.”

“But only to nice children. That he stalks throughout the year.”

“He doesn’t stalk the children he just…”

“Hm.” He squints. “what about the naughty children?”

“They don’t get any presents.”

“OR,” Wanda interjects, “Krampus comes to get them.”

“Is that another fat man in a red disguise?”

“No. He’s a demon sent from hell to eat them.”

Thor nods in approval. “Ah. That’s much more asgardian. A fair reward system for the youth!”

You stare at him. “So… you’re okay with Krampus but not Santa?”

“Well I think they work together well, like a team. Like us!”

“I… I guess…”

Decorating the tree was an all night event

You would help happy bring up what felt like hundreds of boxes of christmas decorations

The tree itself was about 15 feet tall, because it wouldn’t be a holiday at the compound if you guys weren’t extra

It was placed in the living space, right next to a huge wall of windows so all of New York could see your festivity

it had to be decorated to the nines to pass Wanda’s inspection

Not a bare branch

Theres tinsel, ribbons, colorful lights, and hundreds of ornaments

But of course, ladders were a no go

You guys liked a challenge

To reach the higher branches, you and Natasha would stand on Steve and Buckys shoulders

And I mean stand

Not sit

It was a thrilling balancing game

You trusted them to catch you if you fell, but you still had to try to avoid it at all costs to save the tree from certain destruction

Peter would dangle from the ceiling, crawling around to hang ornaments toward the very top

Both of these acts nearly gave Bruce and Vision a heart attack

“CAP, you’re moving to fast shes gunna lose balance-“

“Bruce, please take a breath.”

Meanwhile Thor is getting distracted by all the ornaments and forgetting to actually hang them up

“This one’s a little man of snow! How silly!”

Speaking of ornaments

You all have an ornament of yourself on the tree

Or, your super hero alias at least

There’s a tiny black widow, a little iron man, a bity baby hulk, so on and so forth

Tony always demands his be the highest up on the tree to fuel his god complex

Drawing names out of a hat to see who got to put the star on top of the tree

(except you guys would always rig it behind Wanda’s back, only putting her name in the hat)

She would always protest, insisting to let someone else do it this year, but you guys never relented

So with a big cheesy grin on her face, she would use her magic to delicately place the star on the tippy top

You would think Natasha wouldn’t want to see the Nutcracker Ballet after her time in the red room

But it makes her so happy to see dancing as an art form instead of a way to brainwash young girls

She drags you, Clint, Wanda, and whoever else wants to tag along every year

She even splurges on front row seats

You look over and see her eyes glittering while she watches every turn, leap, and stunt intently

Leaving the theater, she’ll walk on her toes and do a few turns, encouraging you to try as well.

She ends up cackling watching you trip and stumble

“We’ll work on it.”

Can you IMAGINE the ginger bread making contest???

You’re all huddled around the long dining room table with christmas music playing

Theres Clint and Natasha, who just make the classic gingerbread house, no fancy bells or whistles.

Then there’s Bruce,Tony, and Peter who are going absolutely wild building gingerbread sky scrapers and gingerbread hotels.

“Mr. Stark look, I made a working elevator!”

Bruce puts an electric system (fairy lights) through his

Steve and Bucky rebuild their childhood homes

Wanda is going all out, delicately hand placing every candy and covering the whole thing in edible glitter

Visions is pretty similar, but more sleek and modern than Wanda’s

And then there’s Thor, who’s totally missing the point and just DUMPING everything on top

“Hey Peter, I think yours is missing something.”

You string a long thread of white rope candy from his structure to yours.

“Webs!”

“You know… we can probably make a web-like consistency with some starch and frosting…”

That becomes a whole sticky project, but you eventually get it to work, connecting everyone’s gingerbread houses with icing webs

Steve and Bucky are TOTALLY participating in the classic christmas traditions they grew up on.

They sit quietly together in the living room, making paper chains and stringing popcorn

“Do you mind if I join you guys?”

they smile gently. “Of course not.”

You sit crisscross in front of the couch while they teach you

They tell you stories of christmases long, long ago, which feels kinda silly considering they’re talking like grandpas while not appearing much older than you

On Christmas eve, you’re all there except for Clint, who went home to his family

Youre all dressed in your pajamas from the christmas card

You make hot coco and cider

Wanda pops in some old vhs tapes and you watch the classics late into the night

“Alright you nutcrackers,” tony would say around midnight. “I know you want to stay up and catch Santa, but he’s not coming if you all stay awake.”

he really just wanted to go to bed

He sauntered off, calling for lights out.

Most of the boys wandered away to their rooms, leaving you, Wanda, Nat and Thor not quite ready for sleep.

“So,” you ask, taking a sip of coco, “Do you guys think we’re on the naughty list?”

Natasha Chuckled. “I’m not sure. Does beating people up count as naughty if you’re taking down the bad guys?”

Thor set his mug down on the coffee table, the bells on his sweater jingling. “Do not fear ladies, I will catch that nasty Krampus if he comes in to devour your soul. I believe you were doing the right thing.”

You all laughed, thinking he was joking. But he just stared at you.

“Thor… you realize Krampus and Santa aren’t… real?” Wanda asked.

He had a hard time swallowing that.

He ended up sleeping on the couch “just in case”

you woke up at 3 am to a loud clattering coming from the living room

You decided to check it out against your better judgement

There was Thor. Hammer in one hand, cookie in another.

Down the hall toward the elevator was a completely destroyed life-size nutcracker.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I thought I heard something by the elevator.”

“Congratulations. You murdered the Nutcracker.”

“I feared he was an accomplice of the holiday demon.”

“He’s been there for weeks!”

“He could have been a spy. Or possessed.”

“Goodnight Thor.”

Christmas Morning finally arrived

Everyone was sleeping soundly in their beds

Until Sam decided to be a little shit and wake everyone up at 7 am

He pounded on every. single. bedroom door.

“Y/NNNN. SANTA CAME TO TOWNNNNN.” he sing-songed

“No he didn’t.” You grumbled. “Thor killed him.”

“… I don’t know what that means.”

You all stumble out into the living room

Natasha took the time to actually run a brush through her hair and do her morning skincare

You and wanda were far too excited and skipped over that completely, barely remembering to brush your teeth

Tony looked the roughest - he had a silk robe draped over his pjs and looked like he was just awakened from a coma

Essentially, everyone was a little disheveled

Vision made everyone coffee before you started the gift exchange

You all sat around the coffee table in a circle so everyone could see each other

Bruce and Steve passed out the gifts from under the tree

it took a solid few minutes, there was a MOUNTAIN of presents

You went one at a time opening gifts

Some people think this is awkward, but you felt it was more genuine

this way, everyone can see the gift and the joy on the receivers face

as well as a million “thank you”s

It also gave time for the giver to explain why they chose the gift they did, whether it be something they remembered you said you wanted, something they knew you needed, or even just a simple “this made me think of you”

In the end, you loved all your gifts

And everyone loved what you got for them

But mostly, you were just happy to spend the holiday with your family

#domestic avengers #avengers x reader #avengers x stark!reader #avengers x teen!reader #avengers #avengers imagine #avengers fanfiction #avengers fic #avengers headcanon #tony x daughter!reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x avenger!reader #avenger!reader #marvel x you #marvel x reader #marvel #marvel headcanons #marvel fanfiction #platonic!avengers x reader #platonic avengers x reader #platonic avengers

[broken-clover]

SolAxl Week(ish)- Day 7

Okay I am learning a lesson about doing these week-type challenges. They are fun! But I feel bad for the organizers for having to put up with my shitty pace. Promise I never mean to, it just...sorta happens...

Free Day time! I like open-ended options, fun to stretch the creative legs. I decided to whip out something I haven't really used before, the pantheon/god AU. I sorta used it for another prompt fill a while back, and in general the au is sorta unfinished and half-baked, it's fun trying to assign domains to characters and forming a little ramshackle structure of deities. For what unfinished and undecided stuff I have, I am very attached to Axl being a death god, as a jovial reaper who does his best to make the passage comfortable, and Sol being the god of war (among other things), so their work often overlaps and they spend a lot of time around one another.

Content warnings for discussions of death and one (1) sex mention

-

Historically, during the American Civil War, particularly during the 1861 Battle of Bull Run, onlookers set up picnics overlooking the battlefield. At first, civilians had assumed the ‘war’ would be a short one, a casual affair, easily dealt with. They thought so little of it that they chose to treat it as a spectacle, an amusement. Families brought their baskets and blankets to watch death unfold in front of their eyes.

Now, over 200 years ago, a duo was re-enacting that twisted tradition. A pair of men sat on the grass as they overlooked a field. Below, little had changed in the decades passed. Two factions throwing themselves at one another, swords and guns ablaze, frothing at the mouth to draw blood. In their frantic violence, bodies, dirt, and munitions were thrown every which way, even up the hillside. A few bits of debris came close to the onlookers, but neither paid it much mind. They didn’t even bother moving their feet. It was easier not to care when they had no fear of dying.

“They’re still on it down there?” Asked one to the other. Of the two, he would most easily pass for a normal man. His attire was simple, casual, the sort you’d see on some random pedestrian you passed along the sidewalk. His eyes shimmered like galaxies, and a handheld sickle dangled from a chain on his belt, but unless someone was looking for them, those oddities went unnoticed by most.

“Of course. Practically what humans do best.” His companion, in contrast, was more readily odd. As he opened his mouth to speak, smoke poured freely from a glowing throat. His taloned feet made him stand taller than any mortal man, instilling unease even in some of his fellow deathless. His stature and presence commanded attention. His slitted eyes commanded submission.

Despite it, the being at his side regarded him with the offbeat calm of an old drinking companion. “Does it make you happy?” He asked, folding his arms behind his head.

“What makes you ask?”

“I mean, this is your domain, after all.” He shrugged.

The smoke-spitting oddity shook his head, an air of solemnity in his stance. “Doesn’t mean I gotta like it. More deaths mean more work for all of us. You should know by now how much I hate workin’ hard.”

“Mmm. Maybe not all of us. Milly’s been starved for work lately, y’know. Not much merciful death to be had ‘round here. And sure as hell no beauty or solace, neither.” The other replied.

As they conversed, neither faction noticed the two’s presence. Even if they weren’t embroiled in life-or-death conflict, the strangers’ existence would go entirely unacknowledged.

“Maybe we can whip up one of those virgin orgies? I know she ain’t as freaky as she used to be back in the day, but…”

“Tch.” The dragon-man scoffed, sparks flying from his lips like struck flint. “She’ll be pissed if you say that. ‘N then if we did, we’d gotta be sure Johnny won’t show up and screw everything up again."

“Or screw everything again.”

“Yeah. Exactly. He doesn’t need any damn encouragement.”

A mortal shell was lobbed across the field, exploding in a burning ball. Several bodies, some alive and others already gone, flew back under the force. It served as a brief punctuation for the fight, as both parties quickly fell back into gunfire.

”You glad about it? You’re always talkin’ about those reunion ragers.”

“Mmm.” The cosmos in the man’s eyes were dull. “Y’think I don’t know how much humans hate it? I’ve seen it firsthand for millennia. I just try ‘n make it as fun as I can. ‘m not content to be miserable. It’s good when I lose. They all come to me eventually, I’m fine with them takin’ their time.”

“...I doubt they’re going to ‘take their time’ down there.”

He sighed. “Nah. Always in a rush to die, humans. Never made any sense to me. Might sound strange comin’ from me of all people, but…”

“Eh. God of War thinks most wars are idiotic, you can do the same about your own job. We do a lotta work for those flimsy little flesh bags, don’t mean we gotta forget who’s the omnipotent ones here.”

“Fair enough, chief! Fair enough.” Smiling death stretched his arms to the sky. He clicked his tongue, the way a spirit he’d reaped four centuries ago taught him. “Prolly should get to work soon. Gonna sit and watch?”

“I’ll come.”

“Huh? Y’ sure?”

“Beats sitting and waiting.” The joints of his talons cracked as they bent. “Besides. War and death walk hand-in-hand, I heard someone say.”

His companion snickered. “I’ve heard someone say something like ‘they sleep in the same bed.’ Depends on the night though, eh?”

“Don’t push it.” His fellow god elbowed him in the ribs.

He took the weapon from his belt and twirled it. “Hopefully they come easy. Try not to scare ‘em too much, okay, chief?”

“Fine, as long as you can get them all before dinner.”

“Deal. Say, what’s Jam making tonight, anyway?”

“Oh, everything, same as always. Some of Dizzy’s temples out west left some good offerings for the harvest she gave them. Those’ll probably get served, too.”

The light came back to his glittering eyes. “Mortals might do some dumb stuff, but they know how to make damn good food.”

#frog writes #guilty gear #sol badguy #axl low #solaxl #solaxl week 2024

[jamieaiken919]

✍️💞🏷️🌦️📝 For the ask game, maybe both for Codz and Mst3k perhaps?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HI @shinmiyovvi IVE GOT ANSWERS FOR THESE FINALLY!!! I’m gonna put it behind a cut just because it’s long, but HERE WE GO!!!

So first up we’ve got Call of Duty Zombies, and my always beloved Edward!

✍️: Overall, how does the fandom trait you? Are you a beloved character, or hated? Are you popular, or a minor side character? Anything in between?

I hope the fandom traits me well… I’ve already seen what happens when they don’t lol. Hopefully I’d be relatively popular, considering I’m stuck in with the main crews.

💞: Aside from with your f/o, who else would you commonly be shipped with? Why?

UH. EXCELLENT QUESTION LOL. Maybe Takeo???

🏷️: What is you and your f/o’s ship name?

Fox and Bun! Or The Fox and The Bun in longer form lol. I’m the fox, he’s the bunny!

🌦️: Would you be accompanied by mostly fluff or angst fanfics? Both? Explain why.

Ooh, good question… hopefully fluff! I’m not and angst type of person- I’m the one that hopefully brings a little bit of light to the whole situation, and I hope that it would translate into how others perceive me.

📝: How would your story in canon go? How would you influence the events of the original story?

UM. I haven’t actually thought a whole lot about me being in their story, honestly. I spend so much time with my modern AU that I haven’t thought about it the other way around! BUT- I’m definitely an American, warped from my modern day back to their time and universe, and stumbled upon by the ultimis crew. I carry on with them on their adventures until the primis crew comes across us, and through thorough convincing I tell them to ignore the stupid fucking book and work together to defeat the real problem. Oh yeah and the Richtofens fall in love with me of course lol.

AND NOW- Mystery Science Theater 3000, and my sweet Mikey Moo!

✍️: Overall, how does the fandom trait you? Are you a beloved character, or hated? Are you popular, or a minor side character? Anything in between?

I really hope I would be trained well… I’d kinda have to be a main character by design, so I really hope I’d make a good impression on the fandom.

💞: Aside from with your f/o, who else would you commonly be shipped with? Why?

OH IVE GOT AN IDEA FOR THIS LMAO. I’m gonna say either Dr. Clayton Forrester or Observer! (he’s also nicknamed Brain Guy lol)

🏷️: What is you and your f/o’s ship name?

Space Age Love Song! (which is the title of a song by the band A Flock of Seagulls- huge thank you to @maninthebox242 for thinking of that!)

🌦️: Would you be accompanied by mostly fluff or angst fanfics? Both? Explain why.

FLUFF. Mike and I are both awkward little beans and that alone lends itself to fluff galore. Add in the fact that we’ve got two wisecracking little robots as roommates and that lends itself even more to the fluff!

📝: How would your story in canon go? How would you influence the events of the original story?

SO. A lot of this isn’t gonna make much sense without knowing the backstory of the show, but I’ll give the cliffsnotes version lol- after Dr. Forrester’s assistant leaves him, he’s in search of a new assistant, which is where I come in. I’m mostly in the background though, so Mike doesn’t see much of me during his communications with Clayton. It’s only when Clayton’s mother Pearl starts to come around that trouble starts to happen. She thinks my presence is softening her son, and despite his protests, she takes it upon herself to send me up to the Satellite of Love to be a part of the MST3K experiment. This is when Mike and I first properly meet, and we almost immediately start harboring tiny little crushes on each other. Of course, Crow and Servo are in complete disbelief over this lol. But as we spend more time on the SoL together, we grow closer too. And the little crushes turn into big crushes lol.

#shinmiyovvi #asks #answers #self ship stuff #self shipping on main #fox and bun #🦊🐰 #space age love song

[roo-bastmoon]

Just my 2 cts but some fans are either really young or just don’t spend much time around young men tbh… The things I read on sm about the members and Jikook always surprised me. as a woman with 2 brothers + spending a lot of time around my fiancé’s friends I think a lot of Armys don’t have much knowledge about men’s behavior in general(there are variations, of course). For them it’s either 1-the members are all bffs without boundaries hence why the recurrent "poly bts" joke- when the only two who have shown consistent lack of space/boundaries/romantic vibes over the years are Jimin and Jungkook 2- they’re dating every single women that are less than 10feet from them and that have worn the same trendy shirt or accessory or god knows what 3- they’re never ever dating women and only have very chaste thoughts haha4-they’re even less dating a man.. I have been around my brothers and my fiancé’s groups of male friends so much, they come from various backgrounds, ethnicities, a few are gay men, and they can be really touchy, tease eo all the time and flirt for fun (seriously, do these fans have spend even a tiny bit of time around a bunch of guys?) but they never gave eo hickey made a whole romantic video vlog of their trips suck on eo’s ears and all…. Men don’t behave like this with their friend/bestfriend. For real, spend time with men, just observe them around their friend. Take a look at JHope and Jin almost accidentally brushing their lips at an event (can’t remember which one it was) and the same thing happening a few times between Jimin and Jungkook: very different reactions, those two don’t seem phased at all… Or make your male friends watch GCF in Tokyo and ask them about it. men and women have a different vision of friendship I think (I know nowadays it’s not very popular to highlight differences between the two sexes..). I feel like as a lot of armys are teenage girls or young women, they project their own friendship with their female friends onto the members. It’s not that uncommon for teenage girls to have such a close relationship with their bestfriend that the boundaries between friendship and love mingle a bit (happened to me). Young men’s/young women’s friendships tend to be very different. I can be biased as well, but to me it’s pretty obvious that Jimin and Jungkook share a different kind of bond and their behavior/touches are usually more charged and clearly not usual at all for friends. Especially now that they have grown up and the boundaries between the members are increasing as you would expect for adults friends. They all share a close bond with a bit more skinship that we’re used to in the west but behind that aspect you can still spot patterns in behavior and for me no other duo has made me raise my eyebrows. Sorry for my messy English

Hi Nonie!

First off, your "messy English" made perfect sense so please do not apologize!

Second, I'm sure there's lots of nuances to gender, age, and culture at play here that many non-Korean and non-male Army are missing (I know I'm one of them). So it's natural to try to view and interpret things through your own lens because that's all you have for reference. But yeah, I often find myself thinking things like "Why didn't Jungkook mention Jimin's OST on his Instagram??" or "Why didn't Jungkook reach out to comfort Jimin when he was crying during Festa dinner?" Because that is absolutely what *I* would do if *I* were blessed by the gods to be in the same orbit as Park Jimin. But I'm a 43-year-old cis-het white American woman who has been conditioned since birth to demonstrate emotions and do emotional labor. I don't know any 25-year-old males that would constantly telegraph deep feelings the way that I would, even if they didn't have to contend with a glass closet.

If people watch original content (and sadly many don't, which baffles me) they will quickly see patterns in BTS that raise questions. Yes, there's just a TON of skinship among all of them (they kiss anywhere but the lips, they hug, they sleep in the same beds, they compliment each other's looks, they hold hands, they eat each others' food, the list goes on and on). And for some reason fandom seems to hyper-focus on the maknae and tries to compare the relationships among that line for "supremacy" (which makes me sad because there's overwhelming evidence they all truly care for and delight in each other, so pitting them against each other feels a bit sacrilegious).

For me, only Jikook does highly, highly suspicious stuff. Jungkook is super playful and affectionate with all his members, and Jimin is the human embodiment of loyalty and comfort, but the vibe completely changes when it's them with each other, versus them with the other members. Now, they aren't sharing as many glimpses into their personal lives these days so I don't have tons of recent examples (outside of concerts) but there are hints everywhere you look that they still mean the world to each other. But even if you wanted to dismiss years and years of their lingering looks, magnetic pull toward each other, intimate knowledge of each other, time off-schedule spent together, intertwined family and friends, and downright giddy flirting, the most telling aspect of Jikook is the way the other members react to them (especially Hobi and Joon, bless them).

This is my reaction every time I watch the rest of BTS tense up and hold their breath when Jimin and Jungkook are having a moment:

So yeah. I haven't been around young men in well over a decade. I'm ancient and an introverted recluse. I probably fall into the trap of filtering BTS' behavior through my biased lens all the time. But when I step back and just view the content independent of my own desires, what I see is that Jimin and Jungkook have something unique between them. The only way to discount that is to actively dismiss mountains of circumstantial evidence.

[patriciavetinari]

As some of you know, ussr movies are something of a special interest of mine, and this weekend I had somewhat of a marathon of loads of them, which is really easy to do because most of them are freely available on youtube, starting from 20s silent films and up to 90s stuff. I personally believe 60s-80s was the golden era, but that's just an opinion and a topic for another time.

I'll be the first to admit that as stories, they contain usually some problems, being a product of their time and even though socialist in ideology, being made by white people. There are films that feature blackface, whitewashing, fair bit of patriarchal sexism even through socialist prism (ideal soviet woman is a worker and a communist who is educated and involved in her community but also motherhood is very much a duty of national importance), and I don't condone any of that, of course.

But the thing that makes me Have Thoughts (rambling ones, but still) is that the undeniable good thing about the ussr cinema, especially when it doesn't attempt to make white people play other ethnicities, is the show of comraderie and intimacy between people of the same gender. Basically, if you've seen those Ussr-China friendship posters – that's how friendship between Definitely Straight men is often depicted in ussr movies as well.

Bizarrely, I feel like it's a byproduct of homophobia to the extent, that if a gay relationship is considered absolutely unthinkable, as something that no one in the right mind would imagine as explanation for what is happening on screen, it becomes somehow more ok to show people of same gender (men especially) in very close intimate contact and have it be perfectly believable that they are just friends, because in this story they are. (Basically the meme "there is no straight explanation for this" but it's always Straight anyway).

To specify, I watched a light hearted summer comedy called "Three plus Two". Three guys being dudes go to the beach to spend their month long vacation (yeah, that was a thing) basically "hiking" - they are not walking anywhere though, just live outdoors by the sea, with no means of civilization, just their tents and canned food and they swim in the sea every day and just vibe. I don't know if there's a name for such hobby in English, but back then in was quite popular way to relax, especially for city folk. Camping I guess? Three guys make a pact not to shave, smoke cigarettes or drink during the time they are there, they take turns cooking and sleep in the car of one of the guys (2 inside and 1 on the roof, taking turns).

Because it's summer and the beach, for most of the movie we see those people in swimwear, which I believe americans consider "european" - more minimal than you guys are used to. Despite being Grown Men with Jobs, they are in a lighthearted comedy, so the guys goof around a lot, hug, touch all the time, and there is a scene that I can only describe as them cuddling on the beach together, just taking in the sun. All of them are Straight Communist Men.

Like, it's an opposite of intricate rituals to touch other men. There are no rituals, they just touch as much as they want.

But Ealga, you'll say, Ealga, where do the titular "Two" come in? I'm glad you asked and have been so attentive to the title.

The Two are 2 ladies that come for the same kind of vacation to the same spot by the sea. That's where movie might get even more Difficult for us bisexuals and for wlw.

2 gals being pals arrive in their car and claim in a charming and arrogant way that this is actually their favorite spot to spend a vacation at and that you guys should get out. Shenanigans ensue with both parties trying to annoy each other out of there, some classic tropes of 'let's draw a line in sand, this is your part of the beach, this is ours' etc. Plenty of fun misunderstandings, men being actually very non-aggressive towards women.

Obviously, with Everyone Involved being Straight, two of the guys fall for the girls. Interestingly, there is no drama about girls having to choose, because one of the guys is actually Divorced and would rather remain a Bachelor, he is the most grumpy about this whole ordeal and gets grumpier as his friends start courting the girls. I know how it sounds but he also seems to be Definitely Straight.

The Thoughts I'm having are about exactly this. I don't condone homophobia, including movies. Interestingly, even though it's a comedy, men being close friend and easily being very touchy feely with each other, none of That is a joke, it's not funny, it's cute and normal. Which is what was so refreshing to me even in a completely Straight story. Also, this is not the first time I see anything like that in ussr cinema.

Those characters also talk about their feelings, a lot. When the 2 guys fall for women they talk to each other about how should they approach this and what to do, one of them is much more awkward than the other (while being played by an actor considered a sex symbol of his time) and embarrassed about his profession os a veterinarian. His friend is studying to be a diplomat (extremely prestigious thing) and is the one telling his friend be has nothing to be ashamed of.

Nowadays I see gifsets and screenshots of western media where two men vaguely look at each other while standing in the same room and fandom is already yelling about gay yearning in their eyes. And I understand this yearning to interpret it like this, and the contrast just highlights the present homophobia and toxic masculinity, making western media the illustration of 'two bros sitting in the hot tub five feet apart cos they're not gay' meme. I understand the aching need for representation, for normalizing this kind of masculinity where intimacy is completely normal. Men need to talk to each other in media and not only in context of having ptsd after a war or hating their wife or trying to get laid.

And I've also seen excellent post describing this as definitely western product, that post that mentioned how normal it is for young boys in Japan to sit in each others lap and hold hands etc. This is what I'm talking about. That ultimately what I'm yearning for is that intimacy and warm human contact being normalized in both mlm romantic context but also in the context of friendship and camaraderie. It's truly refreshing to see that.

I can't imagine what kind of reaction that movie would get on Tumblr if it was released today. Little tumblrina hearts would explode probably.

#long post #thoughts #ramblings #ussr cinema

[southeastasiadiary]

Day 1: I Arrive in Hanoi

Sometime in the early 1980s, several lifetimes ago when I'd just been hired as an assistant professor, I happened to come across a book on Vietnamese culture in a local bookstore. The book had been written to help Americans understand the Vietnamese perspective at a time when cities were seeing large numbers of refugees appear after the fall of Saigon.

In a chapter on education, the author said (to the best of my recollection), “Teaching and learning play a very important role in Vietnam. Few people in society are esteemed more highly than a teacher or professor.”

That was music to my ears. And when I dug a little deeper and learned that there was a Temple of Literature (!) in Hanoi, I decided that, come hell or high water, I would get to Vietnam someday.

Well, here I am. And it took nearly twenty-four hours of flying, not including layovers, to get here. So, if you’re going to spend that much time traveling to a place, I figured I may as well also visit Cambodia while I’m here because it’s SO CLOSE. And, of course, if I was going to visit Cambodia, I may as well visit Laos for the same reason. And if I was going to visit Laos, I may as well visit Thailand.

That type of thinking can easily trap you into what philosophers call an “infinite regress” and cause you to feel you need to visit EVERY country before going back home. And that way madness lies. So, I thought I’d better cut my losses and stop with a tour of just Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, and Thailand on a trip that would last about one month.

Now, of course, people travel for lots of different reasons, and so do I. But one of the things I love most about visiting faraway places is that sudden realization that “We’re not in Kansas anymore.” Things you always took for granted aren’t taken for granted at all by the people you meet, and you find your basic assumptions about … well, just about anything … turned upside down. That’s what I’m hoping to find during the next four weeks.

I have a pretty good reason to believe that’s exactly what’s going to happen. I arrived in Hanoi at about 8:00 pm on Friday, September 22, 2023, and it took nearly an hour to clear customs and make my way to the hotel. Having not slept in over a day, I was eager to get to bed, but not so eager that I didn’t want to take at least one walk around the block and see what was nearby.

Not in Kansas, indeed.

The Tirant Hotel is in the Old Town, an area beloved by tourists and locals alike. In fact, I may truly say that, on my walk, the locals far outnumbered the tourists (who were probably sound asleep after a long day going here and there). In every street, there was some sort of celebration. At every intersection, there was some sort of concert. After every few steps, someone on a motorbike would sidle up to me and try to sell me something.

Yeah, it’s going to be great.

#vietnam #travel

[missguomeiyun]

❆ SEATTLE (ep43): Stuck at SEA for over 28hrs...

This is going to be a lengthy post but I assure you, it’s gonna be an exciting one! DL & I had to spend the night camping out in the Seattle airport, where we stayed for over 28hrs. ..

*Date of this event: Mon-Tues February 11-12, 2019!

We got up at 7am.

Looked outside & noticed there wasn’t much snow. Then we proceeded to pack & check the news regarding our flight to Vancouver.

The packing was, of course, alright, & we finished that very quickly. As for our flight to YVR, it was still happening despite a lot of delays & cancellations =/ Everything SEEMED okay. For now.

We had a small breakfast consisting of cup noodles & coffee - very unexciting so I didn’t take a picture.

Got down to the main floor to wait for our LYFT service. Here’s the lobby one last time.

Done checking out.

The Walgreens across the street from our hotel.

The LYFT came around 0815h. The LYFT we requested turned out to be a mini van, & there were also other passengers on it. You can request to have the whole vehicle but it is more expensive, & DL & I didn’t feel the need to do that. Our ride was only for the trip from our hotel to Westlake Station.

We then took the train to get to the airport.

The line up at the airport to go through screening. .. >.<

So the airport system here was 2-fold. I don’t travel to the States often so I’m not sure about this. .. but they have a screen desk where they scan your passport, & then you get assigned a line to actually go through security (where you walk through the metal detector & your luggage gets the xray). Are other American airports like this too...??? 

Anyway, of course, we passed & the security line actually didn’t take as long as we thought it would. We got our boarding passes & everything. .. only 1100h!

We took the airport train to get to our terminal.

We got to our ‘area’ & realized our flight is now canceled!!! O_O

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  DL has been checking the flight status religiously every 15mins & it was all fine. That’s why we went thru security. THEY EVEN PRINTED OUR BOARDING PASSES like.. literally 15mins ago. WHAT HAPPENED?!

In fact, the airport displays (other ones around the airport) still says our flight was on time.. . Turned out they didn’t have time (/staff?) to update the boards in a timely manner & of course, the upfront ppl doing screening/security had no idea -.-”

Didn’t know what to do momentarily. Literally just stared at each other & sighed. .. looked out the window & saw how ‘bad’ it looked.

Honestly, it didn’t look that bad. .. lol coming from 2 Edmontonians who have flown in the middle of winter.

What do we do now????

Our flight from Seattle to Vancouver was with Alaska Airlines so we went to the Alaska Airline customer service desk. We passed by some display boards along the way & noticed other Seattle to Vancouver flights were canceled too. ..

1200h: When we got to the Alaska Airline customer service area, there was a BIG crowd. I’m not kidding. .. you know when you go to concerts, there’s often merch pre-sale or like a VIP opening time type of thing. .. & ppl just camp out/wait in line? It was sort of like that! Ppl lined up against the wall sitting on the floor, all the chairs in the waiting area were occupied. More groups of ppl just sitting on the floor with our luggage. We waited in line, trying to be patient but everyone was just like... annoyed & tired & everything. .. Each traveler took a long time at the desk with the agent. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Things were so uncertain, & NGL, I was a bit nervous. I wasn’t sure if going back to our hotel or just in downtown somewhere was even possible as they’ve now shut down some of the highways & train service. Yeah. .. it was really bad.

Essentially, after the consultation with the agent, the ‘conclusion’ was . .. bcos we are both Canadian passport holders, Alaska Airlines switched us over to Air Canada.

HOWEVERRRRR the paperwork that they gave us was not a ticket or boarding pass or anything. We still didn’t know what time our flight was gonna be. .. the paperwork they gave us was simply a sheet of paper with the transfer info from Alaska Airlines to Air Canada. Umm. .. I mean. . better than nothing, I guess. Of course, we didn’t have to pay extra but at the same time, there was no compensation either! So now. .. we headed to the Air Canada counter, which was Terminal A, Gate 20/21.

After some time, it was confirmed - we got boarding passes, will be leaving Seattle for Vancouver at 1820h!

TBH, I don’t know what DL was thinking but my hopes weren’t high. I mean, just look at the outside!

I didn’t really think we could fly out at 1820h. .. in about 4hrs or so.

At this point, we were hungry but didn’t feel like eating anything. The whole process with the transfer, including the lining up & speaking to the agents at both airlines etc. .. it was tiring. But. .. we needed to eat.

Closest thing at the time.

Got a simple ham & cheese panini. I also got a mango smoothie from this place but I didn’t take a picture. It was alright. Airport always charges SO much for the food.

Did some exploring & settling down as we have several hrs to kill. During this time, we also called our Vancouver hotel to let them know we will be super late due to the flight situation. They were very understanding & actually refunded 1 night of our stay since. .. we didn’t check in at our scheduled time. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Airport art display.

Another airport art display. ..

This was all 1 piece but I didn’t think they were coherent for some reason. What are your thoughts?

These look good on its own & the black pieces look good on its own.

Spotted a coffeeshop. ..

Hojicha latte. Not sure why I got this. .. I got an upset stomach from this bcos it contained hot cream/milk.

Random display. ..

Heading back to Gate 20 now.

Yup, I was right! The snow situation outside got worse. The amount of snow kept accumulating & they couldn’t clear the runways for take-off or landing. Seattle airport completely at a halt.

Officially canceled, WITHOUT any further updates.

The agent said the desk is gonna close soon as there’s no staff to guard it AND they have no info anyway - she told us to come again / be around in the morning. She said there are flights leaving before noon to Vancouver & she marked our names down in the system (& gave us temporary paperwork).

.

.

.

Stay tuned for more as the night deepens at the Seattle airport.

#travel #travel blog #travel post #seattle #seattle travel #airport #sea #snowpocalypse #why #stuck at airport

[vgckwb]

P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 106: Blindsided

Ren was on her way back to Leblanc. These past few days have been a lot, but were worth it overall. However, now she was just looking for a moment to relax. The Phantom Thieves were still at war with Medjed, but she believed Morgana when he said Futaba would come around. Even if she didn’t, they still had time, and Ren wanted to rest accordingly.

However, when she entered, she found a strange sight. Sitting at the counter was an American girl who looked to be around her age. The girl looked at Ren, and Ren looked at her. She had long, brown hair, glasses, blue eyes, freckles, a light blue bow, a black choker, a white shirt with light blue frills, a light blue skirt, light blue knee-high socks, and black shoes. Ren wasn’t entirely sure, but she felt like she had seen her before. Still, both girls were surprised.

Sojiro walked from the kitchen back behind the counter. “Hm?” he grunted, noticing Ren. “Urgh! Well… I wasn’t expecting you here now…” Ren was confused. Sojiro sighed. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Before Ren could say anything, the door opened behind her, and in walked Akechi. “Alright, I think-” He noticed Ren and stopped in his tracks. “Huh.”

“Sorry,” Sojiro let out meekly.

“Goro?” the girl asked. “What’s going on?”

“‘Goro’?” Ren asked.

Akechi looked bemused. He chuckled. “Well, I suppose that there’s nothing we can do now.” He looked over at the girl. “It’s OK. She’s with him,” indicating to Sojiro. The girl sighed with relief.

“Wait, no, I’m still confused,” Ren said.

“As you ought to be,” Akechi said.

“Akechi and her needed a place to hide out for a bit,” Sojiro explained. “What with his fans and all that.”

“O…K then?” Ren said, still a bit perplexed.

Akechi chuckled. “I’m afraid Amamiya-chan is going to need a bit more than that.”

“You think it’s alright?” the girl asked.

Akechi nodded gently. “Of course.”

The girl stood up as Ren turned back to her. She slightly bowed and then said “My name is Lena Minamoto.”

Akechi chuckled again. “She and I have been dating in secret.”

“OK,” Ren said. “Wait, WHAT?!”

Akechi chuckled once more. “I knew your reaction would be priceless.”

“When did this happen?” Ren asked.

“Well, that’s a bit of a complicated story…” Akechi replied.

“Basically,” Lena interrupted, “we met back in April, and became friends. And then a little while later, we started dating.”

“Forgive us,” Akechi said. “We’re being sparse on the details because, well, there’s a lot of personal stuff that we’d rather not get into now.”

Ren was still a bit surprised, but nodded and said “I understand.”

Akechi nodded. “Today is the first time in a while where the two of us could go out and spend some time together.”

“We message each other nightly,” Lena said, “but it’ll be nice to do something together in person.”

Ren smiled. “Yeah. I get it.”

“Oh my, Amamiya-san, Akechi said. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience. Are you by chance seeing someone?”

“Hm,” Ren chuckled. “Yeah.”

Akechi nodded. “Well, whoever they are, they sure are lucky.” Lena glared at Akechi. Akechi noticed this. “Ah. What I mean is, Amamiya-chan is a wonderful person.” Lena was still glaring. “Aw, come on, don’t be like that Lena. You know you’re amazing too.”

Lena smiled and chuckled too. “I know. I just wanted to hear you say it.”

Akechi was taken aback. “Hm, well, I guess you win that round.” He composed himself. “We should get going. I wish we could stay longer, but we’ve made plans, and I wish to stick to them.”

“But it was fun meeting you, Amamiya-chan,” Lena said, standing up and reaching her hand out.

Ren shook her hand. “Likewise.”

“Pardon me,” Akechi said, “but you two both go to Shujin, right?” This surprised the two girls. “You might see each other in the halls once school starts up again.”

Ren smiled. “Well, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Same,” Lena replied.

Akechi nodded. “Well, see you later!”

“Bye!” Lena said. The two left.

“Hm,” Sojiro grunted. “That was wild.”

“You’re telling me,” Ren said.

“So, why ARE you back so soon?” Sojiro asked.

“Oh, well,” Ren began, “I was just dropping my family off at the station. These past few days have been exhausting, so I was thinking of just taking a nap, or just passing the time in my room alone.”

Sojiro nodded. “Fair enough. I probably should have messaged you, but this kind of happened incidentally.”

“I get it,” Ren said. She stretched. “Well, I’m off to take that nap.”

“Sweet dreams,” Sojiro said. Ren waved lightly as she headed up the stairs.

Morgana saw her coming up the stairs. “Welcome back,” he greeted.

“Hey,” Ren said. She flopped into bed.

“What brings you back?” Morgana asked.

“I’m just tired,” Ren said. “Not bad tired. Just tired.”

“I see,” Morgana said. “Well, I can’t blame you. I mean, I’m in this cat body, and it loves taking naps whenever it can.”

Ren chuckled and rolled her eyes. “I don’t think that’s a trait unique to cats.” Morgana pouted. Ren smiled and scratched his neck. He started purring. “You’re perfect, just the way you are.”

“Nya ha,” Morgana chuckled. “Of course. Who do you think you’re talking to?”

Ren giggled. She yawned. “I’m just gonna take a nap and see where this goes, OK?” She got under the covers, closed her eyes, and fell back asleep.

“Well, when in Rome…” Morgana said. He curled up into a ball and fell asleep as well.

A little while later, the sound of her phone ringing woke Ren up. She answered it groggily. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me,” Ryuji said back.

“Ryuji?” Ren wondered. Morgana yawned and started getting up.

“Yeah,” Ryuji answered. “Listen, something really weird is going on. I’m at the arcade down on Central Street, right? When suddenly, I hear this woman just start screamin’. I mean totally going ballistic. Anyways, I turn and I see that she’s yelling at this girl in my class.

It’s stuff like ‘Why are you here?’ and ‘We need to go home now’, but it’s not like usual anger. It…feels more like my dad in a way. Anyway, I felt like we should investigate this further. You know, see if there’s something we can do.”

Ren nodded. “Do you want me to call the others?”

“Well…” Ryuji said. “There’s another layer of complication. There’s someone trying to mediate between them, and it’s that boy detective Akechi.” Ren got even more alerted. “If he sees all of us, he might get suspicious. So that’s why I thought to just call you.”

Ren was curious. “Hey, quick question: Is this classmate of yours America?”

“Uh, yeah,” Ryuji  answered. “How’d you know?

“I’ll explain later. You did the right thing,” Ren said. “I’ll be on my way.” She hung up the phone and  got up.

“What’s going on?” Morgana asked.

“I’ll explain on the way,” Ren said. “For now, we have to go.” Morgana sensed the urgency in Ren’s voice, and hoped in her bag. The two left quickly to head down to Central Street. As promised, Ren explained to Morgana what seemed to be happening.

However, once they got to Central Street, they were too late. They saw Lena being walked away in the grip of a woman with black hair in a long braid with frayed edges, piercing red eyes, red earrings, an orange shirt, a lavender skirt, and black shoes. “Dammit!” Ren said to herself.

“Nyeh,” Morgana said. “It’s not over.” He jumped out. “I’ll follow them to see if things are alright, and if there’s anything I can do. Then meet you back here.” Ren nodded, and Morgana followed them.

Ryuji and Akechi ran out of the arcade, but stopped, knowing there was nothing they could do. “Augh!” Ryuji screamed, punching the wall. Akechi looked sad. Ryuji turned to Akechi. He looked uneasy. “Listen… I’m… sorry.”

“Huh?” Akechi said. “Oh, I don’t mind. You were just trying to help, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Ryuji said, still nervous.

Ren walked up to the two of them. “Oh. It's you again,” Akechi said. “What a surprise.”

“Wait, ‘again’?” Ryuji asked, confused.

Ren pointed to Ryuji. “He actually called me over here.”

“Oh, I see,” Akechi said. He pondered for a bit. “This is a bit off topic, but is he…?”

“Huh?” Ren said. She realized what he was asking. “Oh, no.”

“Very well then,” Akechi said.

“So, what’s going on?” Ren asked. “Ryuji here called me because things seemed…bad.”

“Well, he’s not wrong, heh heh,” Akechi said, nervously laughing. He frowned. He sighed. “Well, I suppose the truth is unavoidable here.” He glanced at Ryuji. He looked back at Ren. “How much do you trust him?” Ryuji gave a puzzled look. “Sorry, it’s just... This is a very personal matter.”

“I trust him wholeheartedly,” Ren answered.

“Very well then,” Akechi said. He took a deep breath. “So, as I’ve told Ren, Lena is my secret girlfriend.”

“WHAT?!” Ryuji said. “Sorry, sorry,” he said, getting quieter.

Akechi chuckled briefly. “It’s fine.” He went back to addressing them both. “Of course, part of the reason it was secret is my popularity, but part of it, as you can tell by now, is her mother. Well, let’s back up a little. Lena is an exchange student. So, the woman she was being carried away by was her host mother.”

“Ah,” Ren said.

“She and I actually have a history,” Akechi continued. “I…have told you that I haven’t had the most ideal life before. What happened was my father abandoned me and my mother. After years of ridicule, my mother died. Lena’s mother actually runs the orphanage that took me in.”

“I see…” Ren said.

“I…had no idea,” Ryuji said.

“I tend to keep it a secret,” Akechi said. He took another breath. “My time at the orphanage was well. I mean, as well as it could be at least. And it was in no small part because of Minamoto-san. And even though I didn’t get adopted, I still managed to stand on my own two feet after a while.

However, around two years ago, something terrible happened. A child was kidnapped from the orphanage, and was subsequently murdered.”

“Holy shit, Ryuji exclaimed in horror.

“Of course, wanting to pay Minamoto back, I found and apprehended the bastard that did it,” Akechi explained. “However, she hasn’t been the same since. I’ve tried reaching out to her several times, but she always just brushes me off. One of those days when I went to see her, she wasn’t home. However, I met Lena. We soon got to chatting. However, when her mom came home, she was very upset, to say the least. She threatened to call the police on me if I ever came over again. However, Lena and I managed to exchange phone numbers, and we’ve been in contact since. But I feel like that might come to an end after all.”

“Woah,” Ryuji said.

“We’re so sorry,” Ren said.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Akechi said.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Ren asked.

Akechi was bemused. “Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not able to do much. So I’m not sure what you can do.” He sighed. “Ha ha, I must seem pathetic.”

“Akechi…” Ren said.

“It’s fine,” Akechi responded. “It’s funny. When I’m usually this lost, I try to calm down and think about her. ‘What would Tamako Minamoto do?’ I’d wonder.

“Match found,” Ren’s phone said. Ryuji and Ren panicked.

“What was that?” Akechi asked.

Luckily, Ren could think on her feet. “Sorry, that must have been my phone,” she explained. “As you know, I’m not native to Tokyo. So, I have a navigation app to help me around. It must have just bumped around and hit something.”

“Oh, I see,” Akechi said, stunned by the banality of the explanation, especially compared to the conversation they were having. “Well, in any case, you know everything now. I hope you understand why I wished to keep it private.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Ryuji said.

“Well, I wish you the best anyway,” Ren said.

Akechi nodded. “Thank you.” He thought about it. “I think there may be something I can do. But I need to go over a few things first. If you don’t mind.” Ren stepped out of the way, and Akechi left.

“That was a lot,” Ryuji said. Ren nodded. “But more importantly, did your phone do what I think it did?”

Ren got out her phone. Sure enough, the Metaverse app opened to the sound of Tamako Minamoto’s name. “Yeah. And the location isn’t Mementos either.”

Ryuji was shocked. “Which means-”

Ren nodded. “She has a palace.” They both understood the gravity of the situation. “I’m gonna message everyone quick.” She went to the Phantom Thieves Group Chat.

Ren: Emergency Meeting!

Ren: Meet us at the diner on Central Street.

Makoto: What’s going on?

Ren: Ryuji and I found another Palace.

Sumire: WHAT?!

Yusuke: My word!

Ann: We’re on our way!

Jose: We’ll be there soon.

Ren: Thanks.

Meanwhile, Tamako was dragging Lena home. “Ugh, ow, ugh,” Lena kept groaning.

“Just be quiet,” Tamako said.

“But…” Lena said. “You’re hurting me.”

Tamako turned toward her sharply. “YOU told me you were at MUSIC camp with some Music Club students!” Lena was on the verge of tears. Tamako stared her down. “Well?!”

‘Um..” Lena said. “It…got out early…?”

“So, you thought you could just do whatever you wanted, huh?!” Tamako snapped back. “And to think I let you go because you were behaving so well. I TOLD you I would pick you up. I TOLD you to call before you left. I TOLD you not to go out without MY permission! And yet, I find you out and about with some boy.” She grunted. She continued dragging Lena back to their house.

“Gr,” Lena struggled. “Why won’t you let me do anything?”

“Because I’M supposed to be taking CARE OF YOU!” Tamako shouted. “Let’s GO!” They continued on.

Meanwhile, Morgana was tailing them “Poor thing.” He grew serious. “We’ll help no matter what!” Morgan kept following them.

At the diner, the rest of the Phantom Thieves were meeting and discussing what was happening. “WHAT?!” Makoto exclaimed in shock and horror.

“Calm down!” Ann said. “But, yeah, what?!”

“That’s…a lot…” Sumire said, surprised.

“So, what do we do?” Jose asked.

“Well, I think it’s obvious,” Ryuji said. “We do our usual thing and change their heart.”

“Hold on,” Yusuke said. “While I believe we should, aren’t we forgetting Akechi? If we change her heart, he might figure out it’s us. Or at least you two.”

“Riiiight,” Ryuji said. “But…STILL!”

“I’m worried about Akechi too,” Makoto admitted. “He’s not ‘Japan’s Second Detective Prince’ for no reason. He’s incredibly smart and talented. And he does have an open rivalry with us.”

“Well, what about Eris?” Sumire countered. “I mean, if we don’t do something, she might send someone else to do it. …And we know what happens when she does.”

The group was stunned. “Right…Eris…” Makoto said.

“Are we truy stuck between saving someone and exposing our identities to our enemy?” Yusuke pondered.

“Well…” Jose said. “Maybe not.” The group was intrigued. “I mean, if we post a message on the Phansite with the information, we could just say that we just offered the information and the ‘Phantom Thieves’ took care of the request.”

Ann giggled. “Brilliant idea Jose!”

“I like it,” Makoto said. “The only issue is the account could get traced back to a person.”

“Well, I can do it,” Ren said. “He’s told me and Ryuji, and out of the two of us, I think I can get away with it more.”

“Yeah, plus I don’t actually have an account,” Ryuji said.

“Why not?” Yusuke asked.

“Because when I first went to make an account,” Ryuji began, “it was to correct someone about something Phantom Thieves related, but then I realized I’d be telling people about the Phantom Thieves, and decided not to try again in fear of letting something slip.”

“You know what?” Yusuke said. “That is a remarkable amount of restraint for you.”

“Well, it’s easier when I have to type in somethin’,” Ryuji explained.

Ann giggled. “True enough.”

“So, I’ll make the post,” Ren said. She clicked away at her phone. “And there. Now all we have to do is wait for Morgana.”

“Right, you did say he followed the Minamoto’s,” Jose said.

“What should we do in the meantime?” Ann asked.

A stomach growled. “Forgive me,” Yusuke said. “It has been a bit since I’ve eaten last.”

Another stomach growled. “Sorry,” Sumire said. “I’ve been at practice all day.”

“I think eating would be a good idea,” Ren said. They decided to place their orders and wait.

Once Tamako and Lena got back home, Tamako forced Lena into the house, walked in, and locked the door behind her. “Now, go to your room!” Tamako commanded. “I’ll call you when dinner is ready. And if I hear so much as a PEEP from your room, I will take you with me wherever I go for the rest of the year.”

“But-” Lena protested, tears in her eyes.

“Unless you want to go back to America!” Tamako shot back. Lena was mortified. She could do nothing. Silently, she sulked to her room.

She placed her face on her pillow and sobbed as quietly as she could. She wanted to just cry until she fell asleep, but she knew that Tamako would yell at her for falling asleep without eating dinner. This was not how she envisioned studying abroad at all. “What am I going to do?”

“Hm hm hm hm hm,” chuckled a voice. Lena jolted up to see Eris sitting at her desk chair. “Well, this is interesting.” Lena was stunned, but couldn’t say anything, due to Tamako’s threats from earlier. “Oh, don’t worry sweetie,” Eris said. “She can’t hear us now.”

Lena wasn’t sure about that, but decided to take the chance anyway. “Who…who are you?”

Eris chuckled. “I am someone who is willing to help. You want an escape from all of this, correct? Freed from this monster’s grasp. I can help you break free.”

“How?” Lena wondered.

Eris took out her apple. “All you need to do is take a bite, and you can free yourself.”

Lena was perplexed by this. This magic being was promising her freedom from this nightmare. Lena was always a bit taken in with the fantastical. And yet, something felt off about this. “Why are you helping me?”

“It’s my job to help others,” Eris said. Lena still wasn’t sure. She felt the whimsy in Eris’s voice, but also a hint of malice. “Well?”

Lena then thought to ask a question. “Are you going to make me?”

Eris was baffled. “You really want to keep living like this?”

“Well, no…” Lena answered.

“Then take it,” Eris said. “It’s your only means of escape.”

Lena stood still. “‘Only’, huh?” Eris was confused. “Not gonna lie, you’re starting to sound a little like her.”

Eris was still perplexed. “I see… Are you rejecting my offer then?”

“I don’t know…” Lena said. “I mean, I want this to end, but…something inside me is telling me not to trust you.”

“That’s just your fear,” Eris assured her. “With one bite, you can quiet that.”

Lena was nonplussed. “Why would I want to?” she asked, taking Eris by surprise. “I mean, my fear is a part of me. And I trust me, because it’s, well, me. But I don’t even know your name. Or how you got in here. Or how you’re managing to silence all of this.”

“I thought you wanted to believe in magic,” Eris countered.

“At what cost though?” Lena retorted.

“Is there a cost too high?” Eris wondered.

Lena nodded. “As much as I want to get out of all of this, I want to do it in a way I can be proud of.”

“Look at what your pride has gotten you so far!” Eris screamed. “You’re trapped. Forced by a monster to do as she says. Your pride is only slowing you down. If you wish to be free, you must abandon that foolish notion.”

Lena had her answer. “So, you do wish for me to give up on what makes me me. Well I won’t let you!”

“Hm,” Eris said. “It seems we’re at an impasse.”

“On that we can agree,” Lena said.

Eris put her apple away and drew her rapier. “Well then.” She stood up.

Lena was scared. This imposing figure was standing before her, and ready to strike. Just then, they heard a strange sound. “Bonk!” The two were confused. “Bonk! Bonk!” they heard again. They turned to the window to see Morgana pawing at the window. “A kitty?” Lena wondered.

“YOU!” Eris screamed. Morgana hissed at her. Lena wasn’t sure what was going on, but if that cat was not friendly toward this magical figure, then maybe it was on her side.

Lena rushed to the window to open it.. “MEOW!” hissed Morgana as he jumped to try and scratch Eris.

However, Eris managed to catch him, by letting go of her rapier to free up her hands. “I should have known you lot were hot on my heels.” She threw Morgana towards the wall the bed was on, but Lena jumped to catch him. “Pah! You’re both weak!” Eris exclaimed. “However, I am too at the moment.” Lena and Morgana found that strange. “Hm hm hm. See, there is something strange about this palace. For some reason, you were the only person I could target.” She pointed at Lena. “And yet, you managed to stand firm. Seeing as how I’m at a loss too, I will offer you this: mausoleum.” Eris then disappears as quickly and mysteriously as she had appeared.

Lea sat up in confusion over what just happened. She looked at Morgana. “Thanks Mr. Kitty.”

“I am NOT a-” Morgana began. However, Lena began scratching his ears, and he started purring.

Lena chuckled and stopped. “So, what brings you here, Mr. Kitty?”

“Well, after seeing what happened, I followed you to…” Morgana began. “Wait… You can’t understand me.”

Lena giggled. “You sure are a chatty kitty.”

“Ugh, this is not ideal,” Morgana said.

“Do you have an owner?” Lena wondered. “If not, I’d love to keep you, but I don’t think my mom would let me. I can search lost cats online to see if I can find anything…” Lena got out her phone.

“Ugh, that’s not gonna work,” Morgana said. “Ren’s expecting me back.” He saw Lena tapping away at her phone, when he got an idea. “That’s it!” He quickly grabbed her phone out of her hands. Lena was surprised. He began mimicking speaking into the speaker and then listening into the receiver.

Lena was befuddled about the gesture for a moment, but then she got it. “Do…you know your owner’s number?” Morgana nodded. Lena was perplexed that this cat seemed to know their owner’s number, and also managed to answer her question. She then remembered that the mystical figure seemed to have a history with this cat. “You’re…not a normal kitty, aren you?” Morgana shook his head. Lena chuckled. “Well then, let’s figure out a way to call your owner. Lena thought about it for a second. She then came up with an idea.

She went over to her desk and sat down. Morgana followed her. She got out a notebook, turned to a blank page, and then drew a phone pad configuration on it. “Now, you just point to the numbers, and I will dial it.” Morgana nodded. He did as instructed, and Lena made the call.

Meanwhile, the others were just about finished eating. “Hey, uh, should we check to see if Morgana is back?” Sumire wondered.

Just then, Ren’s phone rang. She looked and it was an unknown number, but decided to answer it anyway. “Hello?”

“Um, this is going to sound strange,” Lena said on the other end. “But, um, your cat told me to dial this number.”

Ren was hit with what was going on. “Lena?”

Lena was surprised. “Who is this?”

Ren lightly giggled. “This is Ren. We met this morning, remember?”

“Oh!” Lena said. “Yeah, now I remember. Um, I can’t exactly leave my house. But I can tell you where I live so you can come pick him up.”

“Sounds great,” Ren said.

“Great,” Lena said. “Um, and maybe you can explain some of the weird stuff that’s going on too.”

“Like what?” Ren asked.

“Well, um, there was this strange figure offering me an apple to grant me freedom?” Lena said, still taken aback by the absurdity of the situation.

Ren was alarmed. “You didn’t eat it, did you?”

“No, no,” Lena answered.

“Good,” Ren said. She glanced at her fellow thieves. “Listen, I gotta call you back, but uh, I’ll explain what I can.”

“Very well,” Lena said. Ren hung up.

“What was that about?” Ann asked.

“Morgana,” Ren answered. “And Eris.” The table was stunned.

“We should get going then,” Makoto said. They paid their bill and left. Outside the restaurant, Ren explained the phone call. “Goodness!” Makoto exclaimed.

“How much should we share?” Jose wondered.

“I don’t know how we can’t say everything,” Ryuji posited.

“Well, I haven’t told Naoko anything,” Makoto said.

“I think we have to at least tip our hand somewhat,” Sumire said. “I mean, what if Eris targets her again.”

Makoto sighed. “Fair enough.”

“Are you ready?” Ren asked. They nodded. Ren went into her call history and called the number that called her.

Lena answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Ren,” she replied.

Lena was a bit surprised. She smiled. “Welcome back.”

“Can you tell me where you live?” Ren asked.

“Oh, sure,” Lena answered. She told Ren, who relayed the information to her team, who then searched for directions. They started heading out.

“Thanks,” Ren said. “Now, to explain what’s going on. That figure you met is named Eris. She is a being that sews discourse in order to cause chaos to meet her ends. My team and I are on a mission to stop her. We will take care of this. Just make sure you don’t bite that apple, whatever you do.”

“Got it!” Lena said. She looked over at Morgana. “Um, does your team include Mr. Kitty here?”

Ren chuckled. “Yup. It includes ‘Mr. Kitty’ too.”

“Hey!” Morgana shouted. “I heard that.

Ren chuckled again. “His name is Morgana.”

“Mogana, huh?” Lena said. She scratched his chin. “Thank you, Morgana.”

“We’ll be there soon,” Ren assured her, and hung up.

Soon enough, they arrived at the address. Ren messaged Lena.

Ren: We’re here.

(Number): ??

Ren: This is Ren.

(Number): Oh, right.

Lena looked up. “Your friends are here.” Morgana nodded, and jumped out the window.

He soon met the others on the street. “Man, that was something.”

Ren smiled. “Good job, Morgana.”

“Should we tell him what’s goin’ on?” Ryuji asked.

“I think we have to,” Jose answered. Ren nodded. They informed Morgana of everything.

“Woah,” Morgana said, taking it all in. “Well, I think I get what Eris meant now.”

“Oh yeah,” Ann said. “What happened with Eris?”

“Well…” Morgana said. He explained his perspective.

“Holy shit,” Ryuji said.

“So, Eris doesn’t have any other option but her,” Yusuke pondered. “How curious.”

“Curious or not, I think we should continue to help,” Sumire said.

“I think we’re in too deep to not,” Ann said.

“Plus, it seems like we have everything we need to get started,” Jose said.

“He’s right,” Morgana said. “Eris did give me the keyword.”

Ren thought about it. “Well, we should at least investigate. Are you all with me?” They all nodded. Ren nodded back. She got out her phone and loaded up the Metaverse app. “Tamako Minamoto. Tamako Minamoto’s house. Mausoleum.”

“Navigating,” the phone said. They lipped into the metaverse.

Meanwhile, Lena was looking at her phone. “I don’t remember installing this app. It looks weird. Did she install it?” The world started to shift around her. “Huh? AHHHHHHHH!”

The Phantom Thieves arrived. It was dark and foggy, with the moon providing the majority of the light. Right in front of them was an impressive stone and marble building, with two fire lamps on either side of the door. “Here we are,” Ren said.

“Um, is anyone else creeped out?” Makoto wondered.

“Look!” Yusuke said, not answering the question. He pointed to the inscription above the door. It read “Minamoto Family Mausoleum.” There was a sign under the inscription that read “Under Construction.” “What do you suppose that means?” Yusuke asked.

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” Ryuji said. 

Ren nodded. “Let’s head in.”

They started to go in, but they heard a shrill “WHAT'S GOING ON?!”

They turned to see Lena panicking. “Lena?!” Ryuji shouted.

“That’s Lena?” Ann said.

“What’s she doing here?” Ren wondered.

Lena noticed the thieves. “Who…Who are you?!” she shouted.

“Well, I guess there’s no point in hiding anything anymore,” Sumire said.

Ren nodded. The group walked over to Lena. “Uh, hi. It’s me.”

Lena was perplexed. “Ren?”

“Yup,” Ren replied.

“And I’m Morgana!” Morgana said.

Lena looked down at him. “You’re Morgana?” Morgana nodded. Lena was confused. “I’m sorry. I’m still lost.”

“Well, that’s to be expected,” Ren said. “Remember how I told you the goal of my group was to stop Eris?” Lena nodded. “Well, this is how we do it.”

Lena was still confused. “What is all of this?”

“Well, that’s a bit complicated,” Ren said. “I will try to explain this as best I can, as quickly as I can. So, let’s just put the tiger on the table right away. Put bluntly, we are The PhantomThieves.”

Lena was aghast. “Wait, THE Phantom Thieves?!”

Ren nodded. “Yeah. We go around stealing the hearts of people in order to change their hearts. The way we do it is by infiltrating this place. This place is the Metaverse. It’s essentially a world connected to our world by our cognition. For example, this is the world created by your host mother’s cognition.”

“This…place…” Lena wondered. She looked around. “It’s so dark and dreary.” She turned back to Ren. “So, how do you get here?”

“We use a magical phone app,” Ren explained.

Lena got out her phone and showed it to them. “You mean this one?”

The thieves were surprised. “She has the app.”

“I figured as much,” Ren said.

“What does this mean?” Lena wondered.

Ren got serious. “It means that you have the potential to be a Phantom Thief.” Lena was surprised. “But you don’t have to. I mean, you’re dating Akechi, right? I doubt he’d be pleased about this.”

Lena looked around. She was curious as to why her host mother saw the world like this. She was worried about how sad it felt. She looked at Ren again. “Um, you don’t kill anyone, right?”

Ren nodded. “That’s not our style.”

Lena steeled herself. “Then, I wish to help you. At least here.”

The thieves were surprised. “Very well then,” Ren replied. The others were shocked by this decision. “However, you have to stick close to us. This world is full of being called shadows that will attack at any time. We can hold our own, but you’re a sitting duck.”

Lena nodded. “I understand.” The thieves looked at each other, nodded, and encircled her.

“Alright then,” Ren said. “Let’s see what we can find.” The thieves approached the steps to get in.

Before they could step foot on the first step however, the door opened. Standing in the doorway was Tamako. She was wearing a gray trench coat and holding a lantern in her hand. “HALT!” she barked. “Trespassers are forbidden from entering!”

Everyone was stunned. “Mom?” Lena said.

Tamako noticed Lena in the crowd. “Lena! What are you doing?! Get inside now!”

“Why?” Lena asked.

“Why?” Tamako repeated. “WHY?! These people are DANGEROUS! You don’t know what they’re going to do! It’s safe in here!”

“Why do you say that?” Lena inquired. “Why is this place so cold?”

“Because the world is cold,” Tamako answered. “The sooner you learn that, the sooner you will realize what I’m doing is right.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Lena said. “The world isn’t always cold.”

“What do you know?!” Tamako sniped. “You’re just a child!” Shadows appeared outside of the mausoleum. “You never listen. Hm. I guess that’s how it has to be. Seize her, and toss out the rest!” The shadows began to attack, and the Phantom Thieves began fighting back.

Meanwhile, Lena noticed something in her host mother’s expression: Pain. She had always felt something off before, but could never quite pinpoint it. But now, it was clear. “Heh,” Lena said. “I get it now. You’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid!” Tamako shouted. “The world out there is full of danger and darkness! I’m simply trying to protect you! Now get inside!”

Lena shook her head. “You don’t get it. These people here? They barely know me. And yet, they’re willing to help me. And Goro. He’s busy a lot, but always finds the time to try and make me smile.” She looked up. “There is light in this world. And if you can’t see it, then I will show you!”

“My My My,” a voice in Lena’s head spoke. Lena started to struggle. “It appears you’re starting to see what is really happening. You’ve noticed the monsters you wish to fight aren’t the vicious looking beasts you see. The real monsters hide behind a facade of beauty. But you know better now. Please, show them what true beauty is.”

A mask appeared on Lena. It was a black mask that looked like the folded down section of a knight’s helmet, with three slots on each side for eyes, and two rose petals on each end.. “I will,” Lena said. She started tearing off her mask. When it came off, blood spouted out. “Belle-Rose!” There was a burst of energy around her. Once it settled, everyone else saw Lena’s Phantom Thief attire, which was black sleeveless dress, with pink edges on the dress, a yellow outline around the bottom section of her torso, a pink heart on the neck, a pink heart on her hip, and more rose petal decorations where the sleeves would be. She had black gloves, with yellow bands at the sleeve along with more rose petals. She also had black knee-high boots, with a yellow collar, upside down hearts at the knees, and more rose petals in the shape of wings. Her hair was also tied in a ponytail by a red bow.

Above her was her Persona, Belle-Rosa. She had the hue of a pink rose, with long brown hair. She had striking yellow eyes, with deep pink eyelashes, and deep pink lipstick on her lips. Coming out of her hair were thorns, which also wrapped around her neck, and her right leg. She had a rose on the top of her head, and she was holding a rose coming off of a vine on her right arm. She was wearing a similar black dress, but the yellow outline outlined both the top and bottom of her torso, and on the skirt part was a pattern of vines and mirrors with yellow handles. She had a rose-colored and rose-shaped petticoat under her skirt. She also carried a magenta scarf.

The others were in awe. Lena looked at Tamako. “Don’t you worry!”

“Tch!” Tamako scoffed. “If you wish to be like that, I will let you do what you will. But when things get tough, don’t come crying to me, because I  TOLD YOU SO!” She closed the door on the mausoleum, and walked further in.

Lena smiled. “You'll see.” Armed with her weapons, a naginata and a crossbow, she helps the other thieves fight off the surrounding shadows.

“Woah!” Ryuji said.

“I’m impressed,” Makoto added.

“Eh heh,” Lena laughed nervously.

Sumire chuckled. “I think you’ll make a great addition to the team.”

“You think?” Lena said.

“100%,” Sumire replied. They both giggled.

“Well then, let’s continue,” Lena said. She went up the steps, but ran out of energy before being able to open the door; propping herself up on the building. She was breathing heavily.

“Woah there!” Ann said.

“Perhaps we should call it here for today,” Yusuke said.

“No!” Lena protected. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Morgana said. “Awakening to your persona really takes the wind out of your sails.”

“But, if we don’t,” Lena said, “my mom is going to punish me for what I said to her.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Jose said. “The person in the real world doesn’t remember the actions on this side.”

“Are you sure?” Lena asked.

“Yeah, you’ll be alright, Ren said. “Besides, I think she’d punish you more if you weren’t in your room.”

Lena nodded. “Yeah. She would.”

“Well then, let’s call it here then,” Ren said. “We should regroup, and come up with a plan.” Everyone else nodded, and they all left.

Back in the real world, the Phantom Thieves and Lena were outside the Minamoto household. “How are you holding up, Lena?” Ren asked.

Lena was breathing heavily, but she said. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“Do you think you can get back to your room without your mom noticing?” Ryuji asked.

Lena nodded. “I believe so. I’ve done it before.”

“Alright then,” Ren said. “Let’s exchange contact information, and we’ll message you once we figure out our next move.” Lena nodded, and they exchanged information. “Alright then.” They put their phone away. “See ya!” Ren said. She and the others headed out. Lena waved goodbye, and then stealthy climbed back up to her room. She smiled.

“LENA!” Tamako called out. “DINNER’S READY!”

“Coming!” Lena said. She went downstairs to eat with her mom, knowing that soon something beautiful was going to happen.

#persona 5 #persona fanfiction #persona 5 royal #p5 femc #p5r rework #p5 rework #p5r #p5 #FeMC #female ren #ren amamiya #akechi #sojiro sakura #Lena Minamoto #morgana #Ryuji Sakamoto #ann takamaki #makoto niijima #yusuke kitagawa #jose #Sumire #Tamako Minamoto

[technowoah]

Wait imagine a fic where Jack and the reader are long distance or something and when Tubbo and Tommy are doing the man hunt irl the reader surprises Jack.

That would be cute I think 🤔

Just One Livestream

You surprise Jack with a spontaneous visit to the UK, little did you know that they were livestreaming.

- Jack Manifold x gen neutral!reader

- Anon Requested!

⚠︎ swearing, fluff!, not proofread

an// I hope yall enjoy! Much love! And sorry it came out so late I have no inspiration rn but imma get it done! Also I used the difference of American hours to London hours so sorry of

Navigation!

"Love, why are you up early?" Jack asked through the phone.

You two were facetiming eachother as he propped his phone up on his dashboard while he started to drive. It was around 1 am for you and 6 am for Jack. Sadly you two were in a long distance relationship. You had met Jack when you were on a college trip to London to study abroad for 3 weeks. You were sad that you had to leave your home country, but this was a opportunity you couldn't oppose.

During this trip you had found a cafe that you would go to often. The first time you sat at the cafe alone you always noticed it was only you and this other man in the cafe. He was always on his computer and sat by a window, he always came early too, even earlier than you. As the days went on you continued to see him around more and he seemed to notice you as well. You made a note to yourself to always try and show up a tad bit earlier to the cafe to stay around the same time as he did.

You two got to know eachother throughout the three weeks you had to stay in London. The small nods became hellos, and the hellos turned into full on conversation by the window. He had told you his name was Jack Manifold and was kind of surprised when you didn't immediately know who he was. To him it was refreshing not to be immediately noticed based on his appearance. You both had exchanged numbers one day and after each morning you two would text non stop even during your classes. Luckily trying to get to know Jack changed your sleep schedule and because of that you always made it to class on time.

Jack was such an amazing guy to you, but during the first week you had developed a small crush on the man, and he had developed a crush on you too. The second week you two had ventured out onto different territory than the cafe. Jack started to call those small outings after class, dates and you weren't opposed to the dates at all you loved them. The second and third week were mostly dates and the night before you left he asked to be your boyfriend and of course you accepted not knowing the pain of a long distance relationship.

You had to answer his question on why you were up so early. "Yeah- Um, Im up because of you." You chuckled. "You changed my sleep schedule ever since I met you."

"Well you're welcome, because before me I heard you were missing classes." Jack payed attention to the road but still talked to you.

"Because I told you! And I am grateful, but there is nothing to do at one am here." You sighed while you started to walk around your room as you lied to him.

Jack was talking to you while you did a clean sweep around your house to check if you had everything for your trip.

Two weeks ago you had decided to pack your bags and take a trip back to London. Right now your flight will be leaving early in the morning and that's why you are up so early.

You wanted to surprise Jack instead of straight up telling him that you will be in the country. You missed him dearly, and this will be a great way to spend time together instead of seeing eachother across a screen. One of you had to make that sacrafice and that would be you.

While Jack continued to talk you checked everywhere to make sure you arent leaving anything behind.

"What are you doing, darling?" Jack asked and that snapped you out of your trance. "Are you even listening to me? Im hurt." Jack faked being hurt.

You smiled at him and shook your head. "Im sorry I wasn't listening. What were you saying?"

"I was saying, when you were ignoring me, that I'm going to the cafe right now and that we should plan a trip soon. I miss you." Jack confessed and you awed.

"I miss you too Jack! I hopw we can see each other soon." You tried to contain your smile as you hid your surprise.

"Me too."

Your plane finally landed as you let out a sigh of relief. You had collected all of your shit fast so you could finally get off of that horrible plane. Every stereotypical airplane scene happened to you in the hours you were on that plane. You had a child crying behind you with a mother who couldn't keep that child calm, you were sat next to a man who snored the whole ride here and you just felt cramped.

Sadly you couldn't return any of Jack's messages or calls that you saw when you were in the airplane terminal. You tried calling him twice but they both went to voicemail while you rolled your bag through the huge building. Finding yourself outside you ordered an Uber and once you did that your phone began to ring showing Jack's name and picture of you two together on the screen.

You quickly answered the phone. "Hey!"

"Hi!" Jack chuckled. "I called like, 17 times!"

"I know! Im sorry. I was busy." You weren't lying getting a plane and basically leaving early in the morning and arriving in the afternoon in London. "So, what are you doing today?"

"I am hanging out with Tommy and Tubbo at the park! Im picking them up now!" Jack responded and you heard him close his car door.

"Which park?" You asked quickly as you saw your Uber arrive.

Jack started to laugh. "Uh I'll text you the park I guess. Why would you want to know?"

"No reason! I just want to make sure you are safe. Dont make me call 999." You tried to joke around and take the attention off of your question.

"I cant believe you still remember 999." Jack laughed.

"I still do!" You said as you got inside your Uber and gave the driver the directions to your hotel forgetting that Jack was on the other line.

"Wait hotel?" Jack questioned through the phone.

"Hotel? What are you talking about?" You acted oblivious.

"I- I thought you were talking about a hotel." Jack hesitated.

"No!" You tried to cover up your mistake.

"Well Im going to pick up Tommy soon. I'll talk to you later okay? Answer my calls this time!" Jack chuckled.

"I definitely will!"

You had recived the name of the park you were surprising Jack at. You began to walk around the parking lot after you got dropped off and noticed his car sitting there. There were tons of people at the park today and you didn't know where he would be. As you walked on the dirt trails of the park your thoughts took over, what if you made a mistake and should've told Jack that you were here in London and wanted to meet up at the cafe?

You looked at people as they passed by you ok the trail wishing that you had that energy that you had before, thinking that you would find Jack easily when in reality you were in a busy part of the park and he could be anywhere.

When you thought all hope was lost you heard some loud voices on the trail to your right. You were already walking aimlessly through the park and your first instinct was to go left and walk away from the loud voices, but then you heard something.

"Tommy this was a bad idea!"

"I dont think it was!"

You stood in the "intersection" of the dirt trails thinking that you heard those voices right. You rounded the corner and followed right to see Tommy and Jack doubled over, out of breath while Tubbo was still standing up breathing heavily. There were far away from you, but not far away that you couldn't see them clearly.

You began to call out to them. "Tommy! Jack! Tub-"

They quickly turned around and took off running. Confused on why they were doing that you took off running after them trying to tell them to stop. They were yelling and you were yelling and getting weird glances from stangers, and you dont blame them. You're chasing after your boyfriend and his two friends in a quiet public park. You continued to hear their groans of tiredness and their speed started to slow down.

"Jack! Tommy! Wait up!" You yelled out of breath as you slowed down as well.

"We give up! We give up!" Tubbo yelled and came to a complete stop while trying to catch his breath. He turned around to finally face you. "Y/N?!"

"Wait what?!"

"You're here?!" Jack ran up to you and gave you a bone crushing hug, rocking you two back and forth.

"I am! And Im our of breath thanks to you three." You said while still hugging Jack.

"M'sorry I thought you were a fan and I took off and they followed suit I guess." Tommy rubbed his forehead.

"A fan?" You questioned and Tommy and Tubbo lifted their phones up gesturing that they were recording.

"We're doing manhunt in real life, darling." Jack kissed your temple and wrapped his arn around your waist, holding you tight.

"Next time look before you run okay." You smiled still out of breath while kissing Jack's cheek.

"Enough with the PDA!" Tubbo yelled still recording you two.

"We havent even started!" Jack yelled back giving you a huge hug. Jack closed the distance between you two and gave you a passionate kiss on the lips while the two boys groaned in disgust.

"I think that's enough streaming for today boys." Tommy sighed.

"Sorry again, love. That won't happen again."

You and Jack walked hand in hand down the streets of London. People had to walk around you two because you were basically taking up the whole sidewalk and you weren't letting go of his hand anytime soon.

"It better not! I dont want to run after you again." You smiled as you bumped shoulders.

"And you wont have to!" He smiled back at you as you two continued to walk and people dodged the two of you.

"Have you ever thought of moving here?" Jack asked out of nowhere.

"I have actually! On the plane ride here I thought of leaving and moving to London." You thought about it constantly. It was nice being close to Jack and it was a major risk.

"Well wherever you're ready, I'll be here for you." Jack kissed your cheek. "And I wont run away when you come here!"

You two finally made it to your destination which was the cafe you two met at. It was busy at this time because it was the middle of the day and not the beginning. You two entered and took your seats by the window where you two usually sat.

"I love you. I missed this." Jack said.

"I love you too! And of course I missed this. Maybe you can show me more places around London and convince me to stay longer." You gave him a proposal.

"Longer than what?" Jack asked.

"Four weeks." You grinned.

Jack grabbed both of your hands and kissed the back of them. "Hell yeah. I get you for more than four weeks?!"

"That's if you show me places to stay longer." You teased.

"Okay babe. You like ferris wheels?"

#mcyt blurb #mcyt angst #mcyt fluff #mcyt x reader #mcyt headcanons #dream smp x reader #jack manifold fluff #jack manifold imagine #jack manifold x reader #jack manifold x you #jack manifold x y/n #dream smp x you #platonic mcyt x reader #tommyinnit platonic #platonic tubbo x reader #jack manifold #mcyt x you #mcyt x y/n #jack manifold fanfic #jack manifold fanfiction #mcyt imagines #mcyt imagine #mcyt fanfiction #idk what to put here now so... #mcyt writer #mcyt writing

[hops-hunny]

Just a Touch Away

Pairing: Neville Longbottom x Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 4k

Request: Not necessarily?? A few people did ask for this though and who am I to deny you of that?

Summary: Part two of Just a Flight Away

Warnings: Sex, just sex. There’s fluff too, a good lil 50/50.

A/N: The fact that this is longer than the original makes me fucking laugh cause how tf did that even happen?? Hope I didn’t disappoint. I also got lazy half way through editing so only like the first 2k words are edited.

Neville was beyond ecstatic to be walking hand in hand with his girlfriend. It was better than anytime his mind would wander to it during the day and anytime it’d lull him to sleep at night. He looked down at her, watching as her eyes looked at everything in amazement. It reminded him of his first year at Hogwarts, wide eyed and full of curiosity of all there was to be explored. (Y/n) seemed to be soaking it all in as if she took even the smallest of blinks, everything would vanish before her eyes.

“It’s a pretty place, isn’t it?” He started off, catching the girl’s attention. She looked up at the tall lanky Gryffindor smiling at him. God he couldn’t believe that such a doll was his. This was his girlfriend.

“Yeah! It’s amazing! I love how tall the ceilings are and all the intricacies such as the carvings around the walls and floors, the big open windows, it’s all to die for!” She exclaimed, bouncing up and down a bit. How could one girl be so cute? Neville knew that if she asked, he’d do absolutely anything she wanted without a second thought. Anything she wanted and needed he would give to her at the drop of a hat.

“Yeah, that’s not even the most magical part. No matter where you go in the castle, you can find something new almost every time. Be it a hallway, room, whatever.” he stated, smiling as the girl gasped in amazement.

“We have to explore then some time while I’m here! However, today I wanna spend time with you doing you know,” she started, looking away as she was overcome with shyness, “Doing couple things.” Neville felt his heart swell at her words, trying his best not to drown her in all of his affection.

“Of course, petal. We can do whatever you want today! How bout I take you to Honeydukes and then we end the day off with the greenhouse? I know you wanted to see that first but trust me when I say it’s even more of a beauty during the evening than it is at this time.” He said, reaching down to push a bit of her hair out of her face. He laughed some as her eyes lit up at the mention of the sweets shop. When Neville and (Y/n) would send each other things, Neville would send her treats as much as possible. He had learned early on about the girl’s large sweet tooth and second stomach for dessert.

“That sounds amazing! You know how much I love treats!” she said, clapping her hands as she began to jump more. Neville looked at her fondly as he watched her fit of excitement but quickly stopped as he noticed her frown. “I don’t have the right currency to buy things yet though. I still only have dragots. That’s okay, we can j-”

“Did you really think I was going to make you pay, flower? What kind of man would I be to invite you out and not pay? I insist, shop to your heart's content today.” He said, reaching down to stroke her cheek. She leaned into his touch, smiling up at him.

“I love you, Nev.” she mumbled, closing her eyes in content from the warmth that radiated from his hand. Neville felt his breath hitch as he looked down at her, face flushing a bright red. It wasn’t the first time they had said it to each other. Sure, they ended their letters with it more often than not but to hear it from her voice? A voice that was so beautiful, so full of love, aimed towards him? She was making it really hard for him not to just have his way with her right then and there.

“Oh angel, I love you more. Come here.” He pulled her closer, bending down to rest his forehead on hers, smiling as he leaned in to kiss her. The (h/c) haired girl met him halfway, smiling into the kiss as she wrapped her arms around her neck. He continued to kiss her, deepening the kiss before remembering that they were quite literally in the middle of the hallway. He pulled away, placing a quick chaste kiss on her lips. Confusion took over (Y/n)’s face as she looked around them. In different parts of the hallway, a few guys were looking in their direction. “What is it, darling?” he questioned, grabbing her hand as he continued to walk. She simply dismissed his question, offering him a soft smile as he guided her towards the nearest castle exit. That’s when he started to hear it. It wasn’t loud, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

“God she’s a right fitty, isn’t she?”

“Yeah I mean look at the ass on her. She’s one of those Ilvermorny girls.”

“Could’ve fooled me. Looks straight outta Beauxbaton.”

“Longbottom’s a fool, I would’ve had my way with her as soon as she stepped out the train.”

Neville felt his jaw clench, trying to calm himself down. He had to get them out of here before (Y/n) heard, because if she had? Those guys would see exactly why he was put in Gryffindor in the first damn place. “Petal, do you want a piggyback ride? I know you mentioned wanting one in a few of your letters. Come on, hop on.” he said, bending down some so she could get on. (Y/n) felt her eyes light up at the idea. She took a large running start before jumping on the boy’s back, squealing as he lifted her up. Neville secured her on his back, biting his lip at the feeling of her plush thighs filtering between his fingers. They felt heavenly, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander to what they’d feel like wrapped around his- they had places to be. He didn’t want his precious girl to hear anything that those twits were saying about her so quickly he took off down the hallway, smiling as the girl laughed, tightening her arms around his neck.

-----------------------------------------

(Y/n) gasped as her eyes zoomed in various places all around Honeydukes. It was unlike anything she had ever seen before. She ran to various different snacks, reading the packages of them. “Look Nev, look! These look sooo good. They’re strawberry flavored! I love strawberry.” she said, holding up the box of snack cakes in his face. Neville laughed at the girl’s enthusiasm for sweets.

“I’ve had those before. They’re quite good! I think you’ll enjoy them ‘specially since you like strawberry so much. Do you wanna get them?” he questioned. (Y/n) pondered, humming slightly before nodding, setting them in his hands. She wondered how he could contain himself, especially when there were so many sweets around! Who wouldn’t wanna buy practically the whole store? 

As they walked around the store, (Y/n) would occasionally find something else that piqued her interest, ask Neville’s opinion on it, and then throw it in his arms. She did this numerous times until she realized how full his arms were. The tower of sweets and treats almost covered his face. However, she couldn’t help to admire how his arms flexed and tensed under his shirt only imagining how nice they’d feel-

“Are you done, petal? It’s okay if you’re not! You can get a few more things, I just wanna get back to the greenhouse before it gets too dark.” he explained, turning to the side so he could see her face.

“Yeah, I’m done! Are you sure this is okay? This is a lot of stuff Nev.” she questioned, biting the inside of her cheek guilty.

“Nonsense! Nothing is too much for you, flower. Let’s get going, I’ve got a few plants that I need to water in about,” he set the treats down on the counter before looking at his watch, “30 minutes. Perhaps you can help me?” 

“I’d love to! You know that’s my favorite part of growing plants is the watering part. It’s almost like you can see them do a little happy dance when you do! Well, some of the more animated plants quite literally do but you get what I mean!” she rambled on, quickly latching onto his arm once more. Neville listened to her, grabbing the bags as they began to walk out of the door only for him to bump into Malfoy himself. Great.

“Ah I see, loneliness has stricken you again huh Longbottom? I don’t know what all those treats will do for that!” He snickered out, high fiving Crabbe and Goyle. Neville rolled his eyes, frankly quite done with the bloke. He didn’t give him that same sense of fear as when he was younger. In fact, now he found him to be quite annoying. 

“Actually they aren’t for him, they’re mainly all for me! Neville’s personal pick is just this little box right here.” she said, holding up the small box before placing it back in the bag. (Y/n) had to stop herself from letting out an audible gag as the blonde’s eyes traveled up and down her frame.

“You must be Neville’s American cousin, right? I-”

“Didn’t ask. Come on babe, let’s go.” The small girl said, dragging her boyfriend along with her. Draco stood there in shock as the two walked off still in amazement in how Neville had such a hot American girlfriend already.

-----------------------------------------------------

“Woah! I’ve read about this plant actually. Even had a small personal one of my own.” The (h/c) haired girl said, positioning the magnifying glass up and down around the leaves to view it better. Neville whipped his head towards her in excitement.

“Really? Wait, had?” he asked, watching as the girl shrugged sheepishly.

“Yeah, turns out it wasn’t really suited for the climate in America. Such a shame though! She was a real beauty.” She said, still not looking up at the plant. Neville smiled at her fondly, walking closer to her as he stood behind her.

“Yeah, she is.” he muttered, wrapping his arms around her waist as he turned her around.

“Something tells me we’re no longer discussing plants.” she joked, wrapping an arm around his neck as she brought the other to stroke his cheek. He leaned down hovering his lips above hers.

“I’m afraid we aren’t.” he closed the gap between them, kissing her with all the anger, all the passion that had built up over the day. He was tired of it, tired of men speaking about her like he wasn’t right fucking there. Obviously that wasn’t his sweet flower’s fault but god was he furious. He took one of his hands, trailing it from her waist to the underside of her skirt. With one hand he flipped it up and with the other he began to grip and prod at one of her cheeks harshly. He trailed his free hand up to her jaw, holding it tightly as he pulled away from the kiss leaving a trail of saliva in its path. “Do you want to-”

“Yes.” she cut him off, taking one of his hands and leading it under her shirt. He moved his large freckled hand up her torso until he reached her breast. His eyes widened as he felt the lack of bra.

“You little minx.” he sneered, gripping her ass in both of his hands as he sat her on top of the working table. He pushed her shirt above her breast, watching as her nipples began to harden from the cool air. Neville got on his knees pulling the girl to the edge of the table. He couldn’t help but pause and admire how beautiful she was. The setting sun reflected off of her sweaty (s/c) skin making it appear as if she was glowing. The shadows and light hit the parts of her soaking panties, revealing just how wet her cunny was. Neville let out an audible groan at the sight, adjusting his tightening pants. “God you’re bloody gorgeous. Look at you baby, all soaked just for me?” He ran a finger over her cloth covered slick, smirking as the girl jumped a bit letting out a soft whimper. “Let me treat you, yeah?” he whispered against her clothed cunt before ripping her panties down and stuffing them in her back pocket (He certainly was not giving those back). 

His eyes were glued to the sight in front of him. It was more beautiful than any photograph that she had sent. No matter how many times she had written to him about how wet she was, nothing could prepare him for the true extent to what it was. The entirety of her pussy was covered in slick, running down her folds and now onto the table. He watched as her pretty little hole clenched and unclenched around nothing practically begging to be filled. But he couldn’t just yet, he had to do what he had been dreaming of for years. He moved a steady hand forward rubbing her clit in circular motions before licking a fat strip across her slit as he began to suck on her clit. (Y/n) gasped, bringing a shaky hand down to his head pushing him in forward and, who was Neville to deny her? Sure, Neville lacked experience severely. They both did. But he’d be damned if he came up from between her legs without giving her an orgasm first.

Neville took his middle finger, gathering a bit of her juices on it before slowly sinking it inside of her. He began to pump it in and out, making sure to be gentle and slow while maintaining a steady pace. (Y/n) threw her head back, letting out a cross between a whimper and a moan. It wasn’t like she hadn’t pleasured herself before, she had...numerous times. Sometimes even multiple times a day. But god his fingers? They were so much thicker than hers, so much longer touching and hitting spots she didn’t know were possible. “A-another please.” she whimpered, bucking her hips onto his face. Neville looked up at her, humming around her clit in agreement before he slid in another digit into her tight hole. He felt his dick strain against his pants more at the sound of her moans but he could ignore it. This wasn’t about him right now, it was all about him pleasuring his perfect girl.

“Do you like that, pretty? Hm? Like when I get my fingers covered in you.” He muttered against her, groaning as she clenched around his fingers. He drove them deeper keeping with his slow pace. Neville didn’t want to rush this, he wanted to appreciate the girl who he loved, the girl who kept him up late into the night as he stroked one out. He knew they would share many intimate moments in the months to come but he definitely wanted their first to be the most memorable.

 He continued to lick and suck on her bud, pulling away every so often to lick at the stray juices that ran down her folds. “Just one more, pretty. I’ve gotta make sure you’re nice and stretched out for me.” she nodded lazily at his words, feeling herself growing closer and closer by the second. (Y/n) was in such a state of euphoria, never wanting it to end. She let out another strangled moan as Neville slid in a third finger, scissoring them a bit before beginning to make a come hither motion within her. The tips of his fingers rubbed against her spot sending her into a fit of nonsense phrases and words, the most recognizable of them being “please, please. Yes, yes, yes!” which only encouraged him further. With more force he repeatedly began to jab at her g-spot growling as the girl came apart above him. (Y/n) gasped, falling back onto the table as her body grew tense, releasing all over Neville fingers. She continued to moan as her arousal slipped past his fingers running down the table as the boy fingered her through her high. Neville pulled his fingers out, stretching them apart as he stared at the arousal that was connected between the spaces. He stuck his fingers in his mouth, letting out a soft moan at her taste. Just as sweet as he had pictured it. 

After a few moments of heavy panting, (Y/n) felt a bit better and decided to sit up. Her (e/c) eyes trailed down her lover’s body as they reached the bulge in his pants. ‘If it’s that big through his pants, I don’t even want to imagine how big it is out of them!’ she found herself thinking. No wonder he had used three fingers, she wasn’t even sure that that was enough. She reached both her hands out, beginning to unfasten his belt pulling down his pants before freeing his member. She held back a gasp as she watched it slap up against his lower abdomen. Neville’s cock was a shade darker than him, it had no curve to it but it didn’t matter. He made up for a lack of curve with the sheer girth of his cock alongside the length (which was most definitely half of her forearm, if not more). She took a deep breath before hopping off of the table and kneeling before him.

“What’re you doing, love?” he asked, reaching a hand down to stroke her cheek.

“Returning the favor?” she replied as she reached a hand forward to grasp him. She looked at him confused as he lifted her back up, setting her back on top of the table.

“You can do that some other time. Right now is about pleasuring you.” he said, moving his lips to her neck as he began to suck and kiss along it leaving a trail of marks in its wake.

“A-are you sure? What about you? I’d feel bad that I’m not pleasing you in return.” a soft frown took over her face. Neville grabbed her face softly, tilting it towards his own.

“Oh darling, taking care of you brings me a greater pleasure than anything you could give me. Tonight is about you so let me just take care of you, yeah?” he asked, looking into her eyes full of love and a deep amount of arousal. She sat there unsure before nodding, leaning up to capture his lips. Neville returned the kiss, trailing the hand that was against her face to wrap gently around her neck. He pulled away, tugging her lip with him. “I’m gonna put it in now. Are you ready?” he asked, lubing himself up with the reminisce of her first orgasm.

“Please be gentle.” she whispered, hiding her face in his neck as he pushed his tip against her entrance.

“‘Course love. I’ll do my best.” he placed a kiss on the top of her head before beginning to sink into her. He let out a hiss at the tight heat of her velvety walls. When he was in enough, he brought both his hands up to embrace her, whispering soft phrases of encouragement as he slid into her tight hole. He couldn’t help but feel guilty at the sound of her whimpers and cries, feeling awful that he was the cause of it.  After what felt like ages, his pelvic region finally met with her mound. He pulled back gazing at the sight as he let out a soft moan.

“Y-you can move now. Feels good.” she stuttered out, gasping as he pulled out some. Neville thrusted into her deeply to test the waters, watching her facial expressions. He felt himself grow relieved when he saw how deep in pleasure she was. Her eyes were clenched shut, chest rising and falling quickly. He took that as a sign to continue, thrusting into her deep and slow. He gripped her hips tightly, deepening the intensity of his thrusts. The boy was absolutely enamored. How could she be so cute in such a filthy state? Tongue lulled out the side of her mouth, hair tousled messily as sweat covered her delicate skin. Seeing her in such bliss only fueled his need to please her, to see her come undone beneath him. He continued to pound into her, every thrust filled with passion. 

“You’re so fucking pretty, angel,” he growled out leaning down to capture her breast in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around her nipple, nibbling softly before pulling away and doing the same to the other one. (Y/n) continued to let out a string of moans, tightening her grip on the Gryffindor's back. She couldn’t help but dig her fingers into the flesh of his back, trying to ground herself as her lower region received immense amounts of pleasure. She let out a cry of gratification as he began to rub at her clit with circular motions, digging her heels into his lower back. “God just look at you. You feel so fucking good wrapped around my cock. Who’s making you feel this good?”

“Y-you Nev! S-so good. It’s so deep, so big.” she whimpered as she began to feel hot tears form in her eyes. “Love you so much, I love you!” she sobbed, resting her head on her chest. It was all too much, too good for her to handle. Neville cooed at her adoringly continuing to thrust into her. “C-close….”

“Hold it for just one second of love. Let’s cum together.” He grunted. After a few moments, he felt a familiar pit in his stomach signaling his release. His thrust began to grow sloppy, hips stuttering but as he went to pull out, the girl stopped him.

“Please don’t. I’m on birth control. Want you to cum inside of me, want you to fill me up.” Neville gripped at her hips harder, pistoning them with an animalistic amount of pace. The moans of them both echoed off the greenhouse walls as they both released, collapsing against one another. (Y/n) shuddered, whimpering at the feeling of his thick seed spilling inside of her. It seemed nonstop, pouring and pouring deeper inside of her, dribbling out past him and onto the table.

Neville let out a breathless chuckle at the sight, feeling a sense of pride at the fact that it was his seed dripping out of her. No one else. Not Malfoy, not his idiot friends, and certainly not those morons from in the hallway earlier. He stroked her skin gentle, watching as she shuddered at his touch. “Sorry love, it seems I left quite the mark on your neck.” he mumbled, brushing his fingertips along the healing mark he had left. It was a big purple hickey, the same shade as the bruises on her hips.

“S’okay. I’ll have something that reminds me of you. I think I accidentally gave you one too when I came. I couldn’t help myself.” Neville viewed his reflection in the small hanging mirror across the room. Moving his long shaggy hair to the side, he saw a small reddish bruise, the indent from her teeth still visible. 

“It’s a shame that I didn’t get to show you the rest of the plants you wanted.” he frowned. He had totally forgotten that was the entire reason they had come to the greenhouse today. Neville wanted his girl’s first day at Hogwarts to be absolutely perfect in every way and he had ruined it in his own fit of selfish greed.

“Are you kidding me?” she asked, sitting up. She winced slightly but continued on. “This was way better than any sort of plant! Nothing says ‘welcome to Hogwarts’ like what we just had.” Neville let out a breath that he wasn’t even aware he had been holding.

Even though this was the first day of them meeting in person, he knew this was the girl for him. As the sun set and they both held each other in their arms, the pair couldn’t help but wonder what was in store for them. What adventures lie ahead? Only time could tell. But luckily they didn’t have to spend another minute apart. (Y/n) was no longer just a flight away, but a mere inches apart.

#Neville Longbottom #neville x reader #neville longbottom x you #neville x you #neville longbottom x reader #Harry Potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter imagines

[a-room-of-my-own]

A while before the latest hoo-ha about Judith Butler, I had just been reading her again. Though she claims her critics have not read her, this simply isn’t the case. I read Gender Trouble when it first came out and it was important at the time . That time was long,long ago. She was just one of the many ‘post-structuralist’ thinkers I was into. I would trip off to see  Luce Irigaray or Derrida whenever they appeared.

I got an interview  with Baudrillard and tried to sell it to The Guardian but they  didn’t know who he was so its fair to say I was fairly immersed in that world of theory.  For a while, I had a part time lecturing job so I had to keep on top of it. Though Butler’s idea of gender as performance was not new , it was interesting.  RuPaul said it so much more clearly in a  quote nicked from  someone else “Honey ,we are born naked, the rest is drag”

What I was looking for again , I guess is not any clarity – her writing is famously and deliberately difficult-  but whether there was ever any sense of the material body. She wrote herself in 2004 “I confess however I am not a very good materialist. Every time I try to write about the body, the writing ends up being about language” . 

Butler from on high ,cannot really think about the body at all which is why they (Butler’s chosen pronoun) are now the high priestess of a particular kind of trans ideology.  The men who worship Butler are not versed in high theory. The fox botherer had a “brain swoon” at some very ordinary things Butler said. Mr Right Side of history nodded along in an interview. Clearly neither of these men are versed in any of this philosophy and would be better off sticking to tax law and the decline of the Labour Party. Butler is simply a totem for them.

Butler said in the Guardian interview for instance  “Gender is an assignment that does not just happen once: it is ongoing. We are assigned a sex at birth and then a slew of expectations follow which continue to “assign” gender to us.”

So yeah? That’s a fairly basic view of the social construction of gender though I take issue with the assigned at birth thing ,which I will come back to and why I started reading her again in the first place.

This phrase “Assigned sex at birth” is now common parlance but simply does not make sense  to me. I am living with someone who is pregnant. I have given birth three times and been a birthing  partner. I know where babies come from. There is a deep disconnect here between language and reality which no amount of academic jargon can obliterate. 

Babies  come from bodies. Not any bodies but bodies that have a uterus. They grew inside a woman’s body until they  get pushed out or dragged out into the world. 

The facts of life that we are now to be liberated from in the form of denial. Only one sex can have babies but we must now somehow not say that. The pregnant “people” of Texas will now be forced into giving birth to children they don’t want because they are simply “host bodies”. The language of patriarchal supremacy and that of some of the trans ideologues is remarkably close, as is their biological ignorance.

There is no foetal heatbeat at six weeks for instance. When a baby is born , doctors and midwives do not randomly assign a sex, they observe it and they do it though genitalia. 

There is a question over a tiny percentage of babies ,less that one percent with DSDs but even then they are sexed with doctors having  difficult conversations with parents about what may happen later.

Somehow, though when I read the way in which this is now all discussed it is clear to me that the people talking have never been pregnant, never had a foetal scan, never been near a birth , never miscarried, do not understand that even with a still birth babies are still sexed and often named. 

If you want to know the sex of your baby you can pay privately and know at 7 weeks ((*49-56 days from the first day of the mother’s last menstrual cycle). A 12 week scan will show it. That is why so many female foetuses are aborted . I have reported on this. 

Talking to paediatricians about this is interesting because they do indeed have to think through these things that we are being told are not real eg. that sex is just a by-product of colonialism for instance.  Sometimes pre-conception , geneticists will be looking at chromosomes because certain diseases are more likely in men or women. Males have a higher risk of haemophilia for instance.  

One doctor told me “When babies are premature, the survival advantage of females over males is well known throughout neonatology. This is sometimes something we talk about with parents when there is threatened premature labour around 23 weeks' gestation and options to discuss about resuscitation and medical interventions. In fertility treatment (or counselling around fertility in the context of medical treatments) it is pretty inherent to know whether we need to plan around sperm, or ova + pregnancy.”

She also said that if she involved in a birth that “assigning” isn’t the word she world use. “Observed genitals a highly reliable observation, just like measuring weight or head circumference which is also done at this time. “ Another doctor said that anyone involved with a trans man giving birth  would be doing the best for the patient in front  of them. 

Sex then is biological fact. A female baby will have all the eggs she will ever have when she is first born which is kind of amazing. It is not bio-essentialist to say that our sexed bodies are different nor is it transphobic to recognise it.

Except of course in my old newspaper ,The Guardian who are now so hamstrung by their  own ideology they have got their knickers in such a twist they can barely walk.  They completely misreported the WiSpa incident , basically ignored the Sonia  Appleby  judgement at the Tavistock. Appleby was a whistle blower ,a respected professional concerned with safe guarding. She won her case. The cherry on the cake this week was an interview with Butler, themselves (?) in which they went on about Terfs being fascists and needing to extend the category of women.

Does anyone EVER stop to think that most gender critical women are of the left, supporters of gay rights, often lesbian and that this is not America? We are not in bed with the far right. This is bollocks. Just another way to dismiss us.  

As we watch Afghanistan and Texas ,to say Butler’s words were tone deaf is to say the least. But they didn’t even have the guts to keep the most offensive stuff in the piece and overnight edited it out without really explaining why : the bits where Butler described gender critical people as fascist. Perhaps because the person their “reporters” had  defended against  transphobia at WiSpa turned out to be a known sex offender,  perhaps because someone pointed out that Butler was throwing around the word fascist rather like Rik Mayall used to do in the Young Ones. 

All of this is rather desperate and readers deserve better. When I left that newspaper I said that I thought and expected editors to stand up for their writers in public. Instead they go into some catatonic paralysis. I may have not liked this interview but it should never have been cut. Stand by what you publish or your credibility is shot.

But this is about more than Judith Butler and their refusal to support women . Butler is not really any kind of feminist at all. What this is about is the large edifice of trans ideology  crumbling when any real analysis is applied. Yes, I have read Shon Faye’s book and there are some interesting points in it and I totally agree that the lives of trans people should be easier and health care better . I have never said anything but that.

What Faye does in the book is say that there can be no trans liberation under capitalism so there will be a bit of a wait I suspect. 

Yet surely it is the other way round and what we are seeing is that trans ideology (not trans people – I am making a distinction here ) represent the apex of capitalism .

For it means that the individual decides their own gendered essence and then spends a fortune on surgery and a lifetime on medication to achieve the appearance of it. Of course lots of people spend a lifetime  on medication but not out of choice.  Marx understood very well that the abolition of our system of production would free up women.

Now it is all about freeing up men. Who say they are women. Quelle surprise.  

 Nussbaum’s famous take down of Butler is premised exactly on the sense of individual versus collective struggle “ The great tragedy in the new feminist theory in America is the loss of a sense of public commitment. In this sense, Butler’s self-involved feminism is extremely American, and it is not surprising that it has caught on here, where successful middle-class people prefer to focus on cultivating the self rather than thinking in a way that helps the material condition of others. “

Such thinking now dominates academia. There is simply an unquestioning  rehearsal of something most of know not to be true thus Amia Srinivasan writes in The Right to Sex  “At birth, bodies are sorted as ‘male’ or ‘female’, though many bodies must be mutilated to fit one category or the other, and many bodies will later protest against the decision that was made. This originary division determines what social purpose a body will be assigned.”

What does ‘sorted’ mean here? A tiny number of intersex babies are born. A tiny number of people are trans and decide to change their bodies. The feminist demand to challenge gender norms without mutilating any one’s body no longer matters. What matters now is this retrograde return  to some gendered soul. This is not something any decent Marxist would have any truck with . Of course one may change over a lifetime and of course gender is never ‘settled.’ We are complex people who inhabit bodies that often don’t work or appear as we want them to.

But not only is there a denial of basic Marxism going on here , what becomes ever more apparent is  that there is a denial of motherhood. Butler said “Yet gender is also what is made along the way – we can take over the power of assignment, make it into self-assignment, which can include sex reassignment at a legal and medical level.”

Self-assignment is key . One may birth oneself. No longer of woman born but self -made. This is a theoretical leap but it also one that has profound implications for women as a sex class. We are really then, just the  host bodies to a new breed of people who self-assign.

Maybe that is the future although look around the word and there isn’t a lot of self-assignment going on. There are simply women shot and beaten in the street, choked to death or having  their rights taken  away. There is no identifying out of this , there is no fluidity here . This is not discourse. It is brutality and do we not have some responsibility to other women to confront male violence ?

Instead the hatred is aided and abetted by so called philosophers describing  other women as Terfs. It is utterly depressing.

The sexed body. The pregnant body. The dying body. The body is in trouble when we can’t talk about it . I thought of Margaret Mary O’Hara’s  beautiful and  strange lyrics and what they might mean. I await my child’s return from the hospital as hers is a difficult pregnancy and thank god they are on the case. The sex of the child she carries does not matter to me at all .

It simply exists. Not in language but within a body. 

Why is that so difficult to acknowledge? 

#gender critical #feminism #transgender #judith butler #suzanne moore

[gifted-burnout-archive]

Route 66

Requested?: Yes! @dxlanhxlland asked for a Owen x Reader where y/n is oblivious to Owen’s flirting. I added a little more to it, not gonna lie, so i hope you still like it my lovey!

Word Count: 5.6K+

Author’s Note: I found out Route 66 went through Oklahoma and kinda just had to write this tonight... Struck by inspiration, so I was. It’s nonsense, and it’s mine, and that makes it acceptable for the blog. Enjoy!

Warning: nothing really, it’s all fluff.

masterlist | taglist 

--

Being best friends with an actor had some major perks. To start, you were always the plus one for premieres, parties, festivals, all of it. Then there was the constant gifts from around the world sent to you back home, and getting to help with script run throughs if someone’s sick, or being sent over snippets of shows months before they aired, being a part of the secret without having all the hard work that came along with it.

The best thing was always the reunions though, when that favourite person comes back from weeks or months away, back to your little Oklahoma town, even if just for a little while. That feeling of adrenaline and serotonin mixed together as lost souls reconnect after so long apart, it’s special.

Of course, the worst thing is watching them leave again. That’s exactly what Y/N was facing that weekend after two months of her best friend Owen being home from filming in Vancouver.

She knew it would happen of course, his tv show had become a success overnight, it only made sense that the team at Netflix would renew it for another season, but it didn’t make it any easier to see Owen leave again. It was never easy, in fact: Y/N found it was getting harder and harder to make that drive to the airport and send him on his way to LA. The tears that came alongside his departures were plentiful, the rides home alone deathly quiet, the nights empty without him there to spend time with.

It wasn’t like Oklahoma was exactly an exciting place to live.

Y/N had considered taking the jump, moving to LA with the hope of seeing her oldest friend more often, sure, but she didn’t have the money for such an adventure. She had been saving up for a few years now, what with Owen’s rising stardom and eventual permanent relocation imminent, but she was nowhere near close to what she needed.

So, as she woke up that Friday morning, she made a conscious decision as she pulled on a sundress and tidied her hair until a floppy sunhat, as she slipped into some sandals, grabbed her handbag, and ventured into the blazing sun of the Oklahoma summer: she was going to make this the best gosh darn weekend of Owen’s life.

“Well, don’t you look determined.” Owen commented with a smile from across the street, waving from the front steps of his house at his best friend, who waved right back. “What you got planned for me today then?” He asked with a smirk as he jogged across the road, and Y/N took in just how good he looked that morning in some vintage sports top repping a team she didn’t know, paired with a denim jacket and shorts.

“Well, I thought we could go exploring.” Y/N answered with a smile, lifting her car keys from her purse. “I think you need a trip down memory lane before disappearing off to LA again.” The decisive words had Owen unable to contain his smile as he followed her towards the truck parked in her driveway, slinging an arm over her shoulder a they walked over, taking a breath and being overcome with Y/N’s perfume: God, he loved that smell.

God, he loved her. He had for a while.

It wasn’t something he’d be sharing any time soon, of course, the kid was smarter than that. As Y/N tossed him the keys, and jumped in the passenger side of the truck, him taking the steering wheel, he took one more glance at her, committing the image of her sat in her sundress, pulling out a road map that must have been about thirty years old, to memory. He didn’t want to forget any of this as his life continued to zoom forward in the fast lane, he wanted to keep some moments locked in time, just for him.

“You sure we can be doing this? I was getting quite used to sitting on my couch all day, especially with you there...” Owen commented, and Y/N glanced up, nodding quickly, oblivious to his attempts at flirting. She always had been, more associating it with Owen’s charm rather than his attraction to her.

“Don’t worry, I have the whole day planned… Sort of… Got a mask just in case?” She asked, and Owen pulled the face covering from his pocket to prove it. “Then we’ll be taking a turn up to Jefferson, and you’ll need to get us on the Route.” She instructed, and Owen chuckled at her bossy tone, switching on the engine and pulling out the driveway, with the Great American Road in mind.

There wasn’t anything really exciting about Route 66 most of the year, Owen was aware of that. But if you picked the right day, the right car, and right stretch… It really could be a magical place.

It only took them 40 minutes or so to get onto the road, getting lucky to find it nearly empty as Owen revved the engine and started to speed down the tarmac. Y/N had slipped a CD into the truck’s sound system, the map splayed over her knees as they sang along to the country hits from her dad’s old music collection he couldn’t be bothered to clean out.

“You’re really not going to give me any clues as to where we’re driving?” Owen asked for the fourth time since they had started driving, and Y/N just grinned again, shaking her head.

“And ruin the surprise?” She pouted, and Owen bit his lip at the sight of it. “Not a chance, Joyner… We should go on the Live!” She exclaimed suddenly, causing the boy to laugh. Y/N had never been one for technology, but she knew how important it was to Owen’s job: social media presence was important to him, Owen had always enjoyed interacting with his fans.

Y/N took off her seatbelt and slid across the truck seat, reaching across Owen’s body and grabbing his phone out his jacket pocket, the boy doing his best to stay calm as her other hand grazed against the exposed skin above the collar of his shirt. She moved away as quickly as she had arrived, buckling herself back into her seatbelt and finding Owen’s Instagram app. He glanced over, grinning at her puzzled expression.

“Swipe right on the screen, Y/N.” He instructed as he watched the road, and the girl followed his directions. “Are you on the camera?” He asked, catching her nodding in his peripheral. “Great. At the bottom, there should be a button that says live. Click it, and you’ll be there.” He directed, but Y/N was a step ahead, proud of herself as she brought the camera up.

“I think it’s working!” She squeaked in excitement, panning the phone up to a grinning Owen, then out onto the view of the road. “Let me try and zoom…” She muttered, not noticing the watcher count jumping higher and higher up as she tapped on the screen, letting out a soft ‘oops!’ as she switched the camera to face herself. “Owen I think I broke your phone…” She said softly, moving the screen away from her face and frowning. “Oh, wait, no… There’s people talking to you!” She exclaimed, and Owen shook his head at her adorable incompetence, pulling over to the side of the road. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just have an idea.” He said quickly, holding a hand out for the phone and smiling into the camera, waving hello. “Hey guys! Sorry about that, if you haven’t already met my best friend Y/N, you should know she’s a little new to anything from 1998 onwards. Bear with me.” He said with a smile, quickly propping the phone up on the centre console of the truck. “And there, can you see us both?” He asked, quickly glancing down to check the answers. When he received an overwhelming stream of ‘yes!’, he sat himself back with a smile. “Well, spontaneous live! Hello! We are on a mystery trip, Y/N is surprising me before I head back to LA.” Owen prefaced as he indicated back out onto the road, continuing their drive. “We’re, what? Fifteen minutes out now?”

“Yeah, about that. Hello Owen’s followers!” Y/N waved at the phone. “O, what’s the text at the bottom?” She asked, getting the boy laughing again.

“It’s the comments, from people watching. Have a look, read some out, that’s what I usually do.” Owen explained, and Y/N leaned closer to the phone with an excited smile, catching sight of the first comment she saw.

“Aw, they’re all saying hello back! This is so cool!” Y/N squealed, biting her lip as she read a little more. “Why do you use a phone like my grandma?” She giggled at the comment, sitting back a little. “Good question, I don’t have a good answer. I’ve never really needed a phone; not like I would call anyone but Owen anyway. My life’s a lot less exciting than his.” She answered with a smile and happy shrug. “Oh, this exit, this one.”

“You’re sure this leads somewhere?” Alex checked, raising an eyebrow as he pulled off onto a road that was only a step away from dirt tracks. “And for the record, Y/N’s life is plenty exciting.” They shared a glance, both smiling at one another, Owen only pulling his eyes away to focus on the road.

“Well, maybe he’s right but he’s quite a tough act to follow, Owen’s followers.” She commented with another wave to the camera, quickly point him down another dirt road.

“Is this where you kill me on my own live feed, Y/N? That’s so not fetch.” Owen said with a roll of the eyes, and Y/N punched his arm gently.

“Stop trying to make fetch happen, it’s not going to happen.” She muttered, quoting the movie the pair had watched the night before. She leaned forward again, reading the new comments that were popping up. “How long have Owen and I been friends?” She read aloud, and glanced back at her friend. “What is it now, fifteen years?” She guessed, and he nodded. “Wait! Does that make me the original Owen Joyner fan?” She asked with a bright smile.

“I suppose it does… I mean, you were the only person to clap after my third grade concert.” Owen remarked, and Y/N giggled at the fond memory. “So, yeah…” He trailed off as they came over a hill. “Wow…” He muttered.

Y/N was quick to pick up the phone and flip the camera, presenting the view to the audience accompanying them with a giggle.

The dirt track wound its way along to the right, but Owen drove off-road, glad for the tires on the truck, coming to a stop at the edge of the bluest lake he had ever seen in person. The way the road led was to a cliff side, about 25 feet above the water, and trees popped up sporadically around the lake’s border, providing shade against the burning sun overhead.

“I thought this was dream…” Owen whispered, and Y/N turned the camera to face him, catching his expression of complete awe as he looked out at the scene.

The pair had visited once before, as kids, and it looked the exact same as it had back then. Owen had almost forgotten it existed, after them never visiting again he just assumed he had dreamed it, the day out he had spent with his family and Y/N. But there it was, right in front of him, and he turned to look at the girl who had brought it back to him.

“I stole swim trunks from your room last week, and there’s a cooler in the back.” Y/N said with a cheesy grin, glad she had kept the surprise for so long, because the look on her best friend’s face was priceless. She glanced down at the phone again, reading another comment. “Oh, who do I like most out of the JATP cast?” She read aloud, flipping the camera and smiling. “Definitely Owen, but besides him? I met Madison at New Year’s, she’s awesome!” She answered with a grin.

To her left, she was oblivious to Owen’s slack jawed expression as he tried to comprehend just how much he was in love with the girl beside him. Only Y/N would have come up with something this special, this brilliant, and act like she didn’t just make the boy’s entire year.

“You know, whenever I count my blessings Y/N, you show up twice.” Owen muttered, the girl glancing up at him as a blush coloured her cheeks. She glanced back down at the phone, her eyebrows furrowing, the compliment falling prey to the breeze that came through the car’s open windows.

“Owen, what is a Tic Tac and why does everyone want you to make one?” She asked, handing over the phone, and Owen shook his head in disbelief at her, smiling to himself.

“Right guys, don’t go confusing Y/N, her pretty little head can’t always handle it.” He remarked, teasing her as Y/N climbed out the car and made her way to collect the cooler and blankets from the truck bed, shouting a ‘hey!’ in response. Owen laughed, his eyes scanning over the comments for a moment before landing on a question:

When are you going to tell her, Owen? The heart eyes are real.

“I’ll sign out for now guys, come back to you on my story later. Thanks for tuning in!” He said with a wave to the camera, ending the live with a shaky breath, Y/N appearing at his side door a moment later.

“So, what is a Tic Tac?” She asked, opening the door for Owen, who quickly clambered out, taking the cooler off her hands as the pair started for the water’s edge. Y/N laid down the tattered blanket on the sand shores of the lake, and tossed Owen’s swim trunks and her bikini down beside her. If that boy had thought they come here and not swim, he was sorely mistaken.

“A TikTok,” Owen corrected. “Is a short video. Not much more to it.” He shrugged, and Y/N looked up.

“What, like a Vine?” She asked, scoffing when Owen raised an eyebrow. “I don’t like phones; it doesn’t mean I’m a caveman.” Y/N reminded, opening up the cooler as Owen sat it and himself down, handing over a beer to the blonde boy. He smiled, pulling out the car key and sticking it under the cap, popping it off with ease before taking Y/N’s drink and doing the same, both taking a sip of the cold beverage and sharing in a happy sigh.

The silence was comforting, familiar, accompanied only by the rustling of trees in the wind and the sound of cicadas in the nearby grass. It was like the pair had found themselves a slice of heaven only an hour or so away from home, a spot just for themselves, and as Owen glanced over at Y/N, who lay back on her elbows and bathed in the sunshine, he was tempted.

Tempted to maybe tell her how he felt, explain how he didn’t want to go to LA again without her, but the words never came. He wasn’t about to lose her.

“Thank you… For this. For everything, the past few months I’ve been back.” He decided on, taking another swig of the bitter drink, looking out onto the water in thought. “I forget sometimes, how great home can be…”

“That’s alright… You’re life’s moving forward, you can’t get stuck in one place.” Y/N responded softly, letting her eyes cast over him, the way he smiled out on the water, the way he held onto the neck of the beer so that it swung between his fingers. “Just don’t forget home entirely. That’s when you start to lose who you are.” The words were ones she had considered for the past few years now, when Owen’s career took off, she wondered if they’d ever have a talk like this. Where she’d have to remind him where he came from, who he was before fame… Before he left home indefinitely.

“Come on.” Owen clambered to his feet after a moment, holding out a hand to his friend with a small smile. “Time to make some memories.” He said as Y/N’s hand fell into his and she placed down her beer, letting him lead her towards the truck again, Owen scooping up the swimsuits as they went. She did her best to keep up with the blonde boy’s longer strides, the pair starting the trail towards the little cliff that hung over the water.

“Feeling a littler adventurous, aren’t we?” Y/N raised an eyebrow at her friend’s determined expression, taking her bikini from his hands.

“Yeah, it’s usually Charlie doing shit like this…” Owen muttered, coming to a stop as they reached their destination at the top of the hill, amongst trees and bushes. He was quick to pull off his jacket and t-shirt, glancing over as Y/N dropped her hat onto the pile. She couldn’t help stopping and glancing at the toned abdomen her friend had maintained over the years thanks to the job, her eyes trailing up to find Owen watching her with a playful smirk. “Enjoying the view there?” He asked, sending a wink over that had Y/N flushing and averting her gaze quickly, walking around the back of a nearby tree.

“You’re ridiculous, Owen. I bring you to swim and you want to jump off a cliff.” She called out as she stripped down and slipped into the bikini, Owen catching a glimpse of the bare back, gulping at the sight and finding his eyes falling down to his feet. “You’ll need to go first; give me your phone and I’ll film it for the Instagram.” She called again, collecting her clothing her walking back round to the clearing where Owen waited, doing his best to not let his jaw drop.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Y/N in a swim suit before, but as he thought back, it was the first bikini. She was stunning, the white fabric clinging flush against her skin, almost cut like a thong rather than swimwear.

“Owen?” Y/N asked again, dropping her clothes down and waving a hand in front of Owen’s face, breaking the trance she had unknowingly caused.

“Right, my phone… Sorry.” He muttered, reaching down and grabbing it from amongst the clothes, clearing his throat as he came up, handing the device over and walking to the cliff’s edge. “Please make sure you record this. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it again.” He admitted, looking back as Y/N filmed him, giving him a thumbs up.

“Do a flip!” She called out as he got his toes to the edge, earning a chuckle from the boy. He took a deep breath, and a few steps back. “Give it some pizazz.” He turned to look to her, and the camera, outstretching his hands by his sides as he walked backwards, right for the cliff edge.

“Gotta stop being adorable Y/N, or I might just fall for you.” Owen said with a wink, taking a final step and plummeting down to the waters below with a yell of adrenaline.

Y/N rushed to the edge of the cliff as she heard a splash, looking down at the deep blue below, the water rippling where Owen had entered, and she waited until he remerged with a flick of his hair and whoop of triumph.

“Come on, Y/N! You can’t leave me down here alone!” He called up, and Y/N grinned, quickly dropping the phone amongst their pile of clothes. She took a second, a deep breath, building up the nerve before running fast and jumping over the cliff’s edge with a front flip, landing in the warm water below feet first, her heart thudding against her ribcage so hard she thought it might break her bones.

She let herself be submerged in the water for a moment before pushing herself to the surface, coming up and gasping for air as Owen swam over, the pair holding onto one another to stay afloat as they erupted into laughter at their reckless abandon.

“Again?” Y/N asked, breathing heavy, and Owen could feel himself falling deeper once more.

“Definitely.”

--

The following days had been spent in a similar fashion, Y/N being quite adamant in her adventures before Owen left for the sunshine state. She did her best to capture as many of the moments she could too, whether it was a tourist stop or a movie night or diner food along Route 66, she did her very best to take pictures despite sub-optimal phone skills.

She didn’t want him leaving and forgetting her, she wouldn’t let it happen.

His flight off to LA came sooner than either of them wanted, the early morning alarm buzz Y/N was sure to set causing groans to echo around Owen’s bedroom. She had stayed over the night before, falling asleep cuddled into his side during a movie marathon of the Lord of the Rings franchise, not that Owen had minded. In all honesty, the moment she had begun to snooze with his thigh as a pillow, Owen hadn’t moved a muscle, too scared to wake her when she looked so peaceful. He had fallen asleep sat up, and as he slowly came to, his neck was punishing him for that decision.

He surveyed the room through hazy vision, catching Y/N’s shadow rushing off the bed to turn off the alarm clock, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room. It was early doors, maybe three or four in the morning, the night outside still dark, thought not for long. By the time they got themselves on the road for the airport, dawn would be breaking.

“Morning, gorgeous.” Owen muttered, his voice heavy with sleep, the words causing Y/N to pause at the sound, a shiver running through her. “What time is it?” He muttered, rolling the pain from his neck and shoulder slowly as his vision finally focused, Y/N gathering the last of his belongings for him to take back to LA with him.

“3.52. We need to be on the road in a half hour.” She voice was no more than a whisper, and Owen smiled. It had been a while since he heard her early morning voice, which was always a mix of sleepiness and Y/N’s fear of waking others in the house. “Go get a shower, I’ll take your stuff down to the car.” She said, sending a smile his way in the low light that made Owen’s heart flutter.

“You got it, boss.” He saluted lazily as she disappeared out the room with the first of his packed cases, leaving Owen to sigh and roll the last cricks out of his shoulders with a fond smile, the weight of Y/N’s head on his upper leg still lingering as he got up, clothes in hand, and headed for his shower.

Their was a tension in his chest that rose and refused to go away as Owen stepped under the stream of warm water, one Owen suspected would stay with him for a lot longer than the flight home, too. He was leaving again, and again he had chickened out of saying how he felt about his best friend. And the excuse that it might ruin their friendship didn’t seem to be cutting it anymore, it hadn’t worked in a while, because now Owen was just lying to Y/N.

Under the water, he had a chance to hate himself and his cowardice, doing so until the water ran clear of soapy suds. But once the suds were down the drain, Owen tried his hardest to focus on all the fun the two had had over his months at home, over that weekend in particular.

How they had stayed at their lake until dark those few days before, cuddled on the sands and pointing out constellations to one another until Owen’s mom called to check in on him, to make sure he was alright. How they had spent the following day on the road again, stopping at their favourite childhood diner, caught up in hours of conversation over milkshakes and burgers. How their last day together had been spent in his bedroom with music blaring as they packed, Y/N joining him for an Instagram live, and an evening of movies and popcorn until sleep took over.

As he pulled on his clothes for the day of travelling, Owen quickly brushed his teeth and found himself scrolling through the photos Y/N and he had captured of the last three days: so many of them blurry or askew, but every single on forcing Owen’s smile even wider. He had gotten the lucky draw of friends, of best friends, but leaving this time felt different…

It felt like they were saying goodbye for good.

“You ready in there, Owen?” A chap came on the bathroom door, and Owen quickly closed his phone and shoved it in his pocket, spitting out the last glob of toothpaste and wiping his face before opening the door, Y/N stood on the other side in one of her favourite sundresses, and one of Owen’s hoodies on top. “Time to go…” She said with a sad smile, holding out a hand. He came over to her quickly, her outstretched hand coming around his waist as his rested over her shoulders, and the pair started downstairs and out the house.

“You should come visit this time. I know you have work and things here…” Owen trailed off when she nodded softly, separating from him to head to the truck’s driver side.

“Yeah, maybe I will.” Y/N answered softly, climbing into the truck and leaving it at that. A part of her knew it would be the smartest idea, but it would just lead to another goodbye like this one.

As Owen clambered into the car, he had to push Y/N’s overnight bag to the floor, one she had brought across the street for ease of access, but he was soon buckled in without issue, and they were on the road three minutes ahead of schedule. The only noises seemingly allowed were mechanical: the turn of the tires on the road below, the indicator flicking as Y/N took a turn, the revving of the engine as they started off from a stop light. Neither could muster the strength for words of farewell, it was too daunting, too difficult, and instead their silence swallowed their thoughts all the way to the airport terminal.

When the engine switched off, somehow it all became worse.

“I’ll get your bags…” Y/N spoke up after a minute or so of complete silence, stepping out the car and out onto the deserted terminal drop-off’s pavement. Her sandals slapped between the sole of her foot and the tarmac as she rounded the car to open the truck bed, beginning the labour of hauling Owen’s cases down to the sidewalk. When she heard the truck door slam, she didn’t look up, the pain of goodbye swelling in her chest.

Owen couldn’t stand it, the idea of not having her around every day, of not seeing her smile any more. It had been building up for years, of course, and finally hit its limit: he couldn’t go this time without her. He wholeheartedly believed that going back to LA, then to Vancouver, than to God knew where, would be impossible to bear if he didn’t have Y/N by his side through it.

So as he got out the truck, he grabbed the overnight bag Y/N had left in the truck front, with all her essentials, in front of her eyes, garnering his attention.

“Come with me to LA.” Owen said the words with shaky conviction, trying not to falter as her watery eyes looked up into his. Hers locked on his, then the overnight bag,

“Very funny, Owen…” Y/N whispered, her eyes trailing quickly back to their feet. “I don’t think this is really the time for jokes though…”

“Good, I’m not joking.” Owen said, more definite in his stance this time. “I want you to give your keys to the valet service, I want you to grab that overnight bag, and I want you to come to La with me.”

“Come on Owen…” Y/N sighed, a sad smile on her lips. “I’d cramp your style in the big city, you need to be moving forward…” She looked up, wiping away a stray tear as she mustered the courage to look him in the eye. “You’re just being nice because here is boring, but I’ll be fine. You need to do this, without me, so you can experience it all.” The words were kind, but misinformed, and the longer Y/N went on, the closer Owen came to exploding. “You need to spend time with your friends, with yourself, get to know who Owen is in Hollywood, because it’s not Owen in Oklahoma. Besides, you don’t need me hanging around when you’re working, or out at parties, you certainly don’t need me in the picture when you’re flirting with girls and dating-”

“Jesus, Y/N, the only girl I’ve flirted with in four years is you!”

The words hung in the air, a stray car driving along the terminal front and turning onto the freeway, the two friends stood an awkward distance apart under the harsh fluorescent lights of the airport entrance. A passer-by might have thought them strangers, and in a way they were. The glass had shattered, a secret revealed neither thought would ever come to light: one for fear of losing the other; the second believing such feelings never existed in the first place.

“What… What do you mean?” Y/N’s voice was shaky, her hands tugging at the sleeves of Owen’s hoodie she wore. “Owen, I’ve read the gossip columns, I know you’re dating, living it up in Hollywood. You don’t need to make up some bullshit to try and get me on a plane.”

“It’s not bullshit! God, are you really that oblivious, Y/N?” Owen let out a frustrated chuckle, running a hand through his mess of still damp hair, beginning to pace along the length of the truck before turning back and stopping. “Tabloids are gossip and rumours, Y/N, and none it’s true because I’ve been in love with you for as long as I care to remember!” 

The words spilled from his lips before he could moderate volume or filter the language, his biggest secret laid out in front of them both on the concrete pavement below.

“… Why me?” The question was timid, quiet, something that could have been lost to early morning ambience had Owen not so desperately been waiting for a response to his confession. It wasn’t what he expected though, his frustration fading to concern as he walked over, cupping Y/N’s face in his hands, tilting her chin up so the teary-eyed girl’s gaze met his own. “I’m not exactly in your league, am I?”

“You’re far beyond it, certainly. It’s me doing the reaching here… No-one, and I mean no-one, makes me feel the way you do. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you laugh, nothing sadder than seeing you cry…” His thumb came to wipe away another rogue tear from her cheek, a smile on his lips.

“But you could do better! I’m sure there’s a thousand girls in LA who would kill to be with you, Owen.” Her words were frantic, panicked almost. “Maybe you’re wrong, maybe you’re tired and this is just nonsense talk! That makes sense, guys like you don’t flirt with girls like me I-” She was starting to pull back, so Owen pulled her flush to his body, her hands finding position against his chest as he held her tight to him by the waist.

“You’re like air, and light and sleep and water and heat… Y/N, it’s quite clear to me that I need you. And I can’t leave you here, not again.” Owen said softly, calmly, despite his heart’s erratic pace, not dissimilar to the feeling he had only a few days before, jumping off that cliff and plunging into the sapphire blue waters of the lake.

It was that adrenaline that pushed Owen to finally find the bravery to press his lips to Y/N’s, a kiss that had been years in the making for him, and seemingly for Y/N too. She kissed back immediately, her hands coming to his neck and pulling him closer. It felt like floating, his lips of hers, hers on his, the pair not seeing need to break apart as Owen lifted Y/N into his arms, her legs coming to wrap around his waist as her hands held his face tenderly.

“Come to LA with me…” Owen whispered as they finally broke apart, his breathing heavy as he examined her up close. Her eyes fluttered open, her lips swollen from their kiss, cheeks tinted pink from heat, pupils blown like he suspected his own were.

He would never get over how beautiful she was.

“Ok…” Y/N replied, a smile spreading over her lips. It was crazy, yes, and she wasn’t usually the type to do anything without planning it to some degree beforehand, but it felt right. “Let’s do it. Let’s go to LA.” She confirmed, Owen laughing in disbelief and pressing his lips to hers once more.

And so they did, gathering Owen’s suitcases and Y/N’s overnight duffel and booking another ticket for the plane. She left a voicemail for her family, to let them know what was happening, what they had decided, and Owen sent a message to the cast group chat, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

The memories they had made that weekend weren’t the end of something old, rather the beginning of something new.

--

TAGS: @siennanoelle01 @eries45 @thesweetestsinner @fangirlangioma @saroo-hawks @all-in-fangirl @charliessunset @lana-moe-fandoms @bigdesi @avngrsinitiative @lolychu @lazydaisy19 @hologramband @korydickson @futuremrsb-r-main @uglypeachh @reggieandthereggies @dxlanhxlland @rogersangel @izzyhogue @writerinlearning @independentgirl @delicatelukepatterson @mybrainiswhack @uhmitstori @mon-charmante @writingforphantoms @musicconversedance @mjflower @heimdoodle @kcd15 @-episkey- @simp4madi @obxmermaid @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve @kristencoontz @aliciameix​ @kinda-just-chillin-here​ @vicesvirtuesfanfic @daisiesforlacey​ @valntynegillespie​ @ritz-hell-hotel​ @hemmingsness​ @ssprayberrythings​ @mdlyncline​ @reggiesleatherjacket​ @parkeret​ @ghostlyb1tch​ @marinettepotterandplagg​

#owen joyner #owen patrick joyner #owen jatp #owen joyner x reader #owen joyner x y/n #jatp owen #julie and the phantoms #jatp #owen joyner imagine #fluff #owen joyner fluff

[ahtsumu]

the mystery of love ; kuroo tetsurou

pairing: kuroo tetsurou x f!reader

synopsis: kuroo tetsurou does not believe in soulmates. he believes in science, himself, and sometimes other people. but that doesn’t mean he can’t believe in love.

tag(s): sweet summer lovin’, friends to lovers, inspired by call my by your name, university student!kuroo tetsurou, lab intern!kuroo tetsurou, so much pining lol, fluff, angst, slow burn ; warning(s): profanity, mentions of alcohol ingestion (it’s legal bc they’re in italy!), suggestive themes ; wc: 4.8k

a/n: happy birthday tetsu!! i hope you guys like this. i really enjoyed writing it ♡

Kuroo Tetsurou does not believe in soulmates. He believes in science, himself, and sometimes other people. At least, that’s what he tells you. Sometimes you treat this information as a source of hope; other times, you’re not sure what to make of it.

This, you realise with his shoulder pressed against yours and both your bodies sprawled across his wrinkled bed sheets, is one of those other times. You turn your face to look at his.

“What?” he asks, one side of his mouth curling up in a smile.

For a moment, you wonder what would happen if you just said it. You could blame the alcohol. Get away with it scot-free. While you mull the option over in the dead silence of his room, your brain suddenly registers the music still playing from the living room. The low bass reverberating through the walls. How close your lips are. The sound of his breaths.

“Earth to Y/N?”

And like that, the little what-if that rose in your mind falls back with its tail between its legs. You bite your lip, look around his room like the walls have a script printed on them. Unfortunately, they do not.

“I was just thinking about my shirt.” It’s not great, but it’s the best you can do while still feeling the vodka and orange juice burn in your stomach. And smelling it on yourself.

Kuroo’s laugh booms through the room and you can’t help but giggle along with him. “I said I was sorry!” he says, hazel eyes twinkling with mirth. He pauses and glances at his closet, then nods his head in its direction. “Take a hoodie. Your pick.”

A smile–– one you try to downplay but fail miserably to–– creeps up your face. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Kuroo replies. “You can also shower here if you want. It's the least I can do after spilling my drink all over you.”

When you emerge from Kuroo’s bathroom in one of his thinner hoodies, a lot soberer and drying your hair, he’s not on the bed anymore. Quietly, you step out of his room and look for him through the house. People are crashed everywhere–– on the sofa, over the kitchen counter, even propped up against walls. The floor is covered with plastic cups and mysterious pools of liquid. Wrinkling your nose, you try your best to step around the messes, looking in every corner in the house for the raven-haired boy.

You find him back in his room, actually. He’s back on his bed scrolling through his phone, the light illuminating his sharp features. When he hears you close the door behind you, he looks up, eyes immediately zeroing in on the black hoodie over your torso. The corner of his mouth twitches up.

“Where’d you go?” you both ask at the same time. He chuckles; you grin. Crawling back onto the bed, you tell him to go first.

“I went around to make sure nothing’s broken,” he explains. “Perks of being the only sober intern in the house, I guess.”

A beat passes.

This house is rented. You forgot about that. All his expenses are paid for by your mother’s lab. You forgot about that. He fits in your world so well, like maybe he’s always had a spot there, that you forgot that Kuroo Tetsurou is only here for the summer.

“Right.”

Kuroo raises a brow. “And you?”

“I went to look for you.”

He smiles and holds his hands out like a magician at the end of a trick. “Well, you found me.”

“Yeah,” you muse. “I guess I did.” Aren’t you lucky.

With that, something shifts in the air. A contemplative expression crosses Kuroo’s face. Maybe he’s realised how his words come out sometimes. Kuroo often says things that sound like they have more than one meaning and it used to throw you off, but now you just go with it. You’ve even picked up that habit yourself. “Do you ever wish that you’d met someone earlier? Maybe under different circumstances?” he asks.

Sighing, you fall back against his mattress and stare up at the ceiling. Telling the truth feels easier when you can’t see him. “Yeah. All the time.” A few seconds pass. “Do you think we would’ve been friends if we went to the same college?”

He also lies down. You’re both back in the same positions you were in an hour ago, but something’s changed. “No,” he admits. You’re not surprised–– that’s what you’d expected. “I’d be a junior and you’d be a freshman. We probably would’ve never met. And even if we had, I wouldn’t be caught dead hanging out with a… freshie.” He chuckles softly at the end. “And look at me now,” he adds softly, more to himself than you. You look over at his face. A contemplative smile rests on his lips.

That urge to just say it returns.

“Kuroo, I think––”

“You’re my favourite p–– oh, my bad. You first.”

And it goes away again.

“Um, uh,” you stutter, “how long do you have left here?”

Kuroo raises his brows. “On this planet? Hopefully a while, Y/N.” He sees your unamused expression and drops the front. “Three more weeks.”

Your eyes widen. Eight weeks have already passed. Blood rushes to your ears. Eight entire weeks have already passed, meaning that in three weeks, Kuroo Tetsurou will leave forever. And in four, you will, too. Except you’ll come back. You’ve done so every summer since you were born, probably will do until you die.

But this place will never be the same as it used to. Not after him.

“Y/N?” Once everything comes back into focus, you see the concern riddling his features. “Everything okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah.”

Say it.

“You didn’t have too much to drink, right?”

Say it.

“I just got buzzed. What about you?”

“The only drink I was planning on having all went to your shirt.”

Say it.

“Kuroo.”

“Yeah?”

Not yet.

“Let’s go on an adventure.”

At two AM, everything is different. The streets feel different, the villas look different, and you–– you can’t put your finger on it but Kuroo Tetsurou has changed, too. He sits behind the wheel of your father’s white 1953 Cadillac with the convertible roof down, unruly hair blown back by the breeze, a euphoric grin stretched over his face. In the passenger’s seat, you sit with an equally large beam and your hands raised into the dark sky.

“Where to, Miss?” he shouts over the wind.

“The stars,” you shout back with a laugh. Kuroo’s cat-like eyes briefly flit over to your side profile, lips curving to form a smaller, more tender smile. But you miss that–– your gaze falls on him just a second after his return to the road.

“I heard you say Jack’s,” he says, smirking.

The 24/7 diner sticks out like a sore thumb in the row of sun-baked stucco and stone buildings with its bold neon lights and shiny exterior. During the day, it seems gaudy, way too American for a small town in northern Italy. But at night, this place feels like home. You’ve been stumbling into Jack’s completely shit-faced since you were sixteen. Of course, all those other times had been with the kids of your mother’s coworkers. All those other times, you could hardly remember what you even ordered when you woke up hours later.

But this time, you walk in with Kuroo Tetsurou at half-past-two in the morning, the chemicals running through your bloodstream epinephrine and dopamine, not ethanol; if you’re drunk then it’s on a feeling and your only poison is the boy next to you. You study his face and consider that thought. No, he’s not poison. He’s the antidote.

“Y/N!” the server exclaims, rushing over with two menus. “And Kuroo! My two favourite customers, but together this time!” Giovanni ushers you two to a booth by the window and takes your orders, purely for show, of course. He knows your orders by heart: the Lorenzo for Kuroo and the Quentin for you.

“With fries on both, please,” Kuroo adds, throwing you a wink. “Aren’t I a gentleman?”

“You only did that to have more for yourself,” you reply drily. Having him over at your house for dinner every night made picking up his idiosyncrasies so unbelievably easy. You know them like they’re your own. You know him like he’s your own.

Kuroo clutches his chest and pretends to be offended, then changes the conversation to what happened at the lab today, or rather, yesterday. That your mother and the other researchers are so close to finding a cure for the strain of virus that’s recently hit crickets in southern Italy.

“You should drop by again sometime,” he says. “Last time you came around was, what, two weeks ago?”

Your face breaks in a grin. “Are you saying you’ve missed me? Chemistry getting boring?” you tease, drawing a loud laugh from him.

“Sodium hydrogen, you little shit.” Your mother’s used this one on you before, but hearing it from him makes you giggle anyway.

Giovanni comes back with two plates, each loaded with fries. You both say your thanks and he retreats to the kitchen again, but not before wiggling his eyebrows at your reddening faces. Wordlessly, you grab your fork and knife and transfer at least half of your fries onto Kuroo’s plate. Kuroo stares at you with the slightest smile. That look sends your stomach into flips.

“What?” you question nonchalantly, cutting into your burger.

“Nothing,” he says, mirroring your actions. “Nothing at all.”

It’s hard to imagine that after spending almost every day together for eight weeks straight that there’s still more to learn about each other, but there is. You tell him more about your real home. Your best friend who called you at 3 AM last night because of timezones. Stories from every summer before this one, when you were a different person in the same place you are now.

He tells you more about Kenma, his best friend from high school. How they played on one of the best volleyball teams in Japan. Stories from training camp, literature class, the metro ride home after school–– you listen to every single one in rapt attention. There’s not enough time in the world for all the things you want to know about Kuroo Tetsurou, so you take what you can get. If only you’d known him before you’d known him.

“If we’d met earlier here, do you think we would’ve been friends?” you ask after paging Giovanni for the check.

“No,” he replies, picking up a few remaining fries with his fork instead of his fingers. The corners of your mouth turn up. That’s your thing. He considers the scenario seriously. “I think we met right when we should have.”

“What about the future?” you press, leaning into the conversation. “Let’s say we meet in two years here, instead of now. Would we be friends?”

Kuroo sets his fork down, eyes you steadily. “What’s this about?”

You blink. “What?”

“What’s with all these hypotheticals today?” Perhaps worried that he came off too harshly, Kuroo adds, “I thought I was the scientist.”

“I just… it feels like I’ve known you since forever.” This feels like it was meant to be, you don’t say. And I want to know you forever.

A sigh–– fond, but still a sigh–– blows through his lips. “Don’t tell me you believe in soulmates,” he says with a wicked grin.

“Are you calling me your soulmate?” The question, shamelessly genuine, painfully hopeful, leaves your mouth without you intending it to and you regret it instantly. Because Kuroo Tetsurou has told you many times that he does not believe in soulmates.

Is it so bad to dream, though?

You watch him carefully but he doesn’t say anything, just continues smiling wryly like you’d intended to tease him. Like he knows that you know better. But you don’t.

“Are you?” he suddenly replies. Sharp eyes hold yours, daring you to respond. Do you dare?

At that moment, Giovanni returns with the check. “Who’s paying?” he asks, unaware of the tense exchange that just occurred across the table. Inaudibly, you sigh in relief. Kuroo is about to say that it’s on him when he catches himself in the middle of his sentence, looks your way, then back to Giovanni. He says you’ll go Dutch. You nod in approval.

“So,” Kuroo drawls once you’ve both paid for your meals. “Where do we go from here?”

Good question.

Kuroo Tetsurou has never been to an outdoor club period. And though he’s been clubbing, he has never once gone dancing in his lifetime. You tell him that’s about to change as he parks the car in a lot near the venue. Before him, all your summer nights were spent here.

“You’ve been here for two months and you haven’t been to an outdoor club yet?” you ask while unbuckling your seatbelt. That can’t be possible. If you’d been in his shoes… an attractive college student in a foreign country for the summer, you would have gone wild.

“Nope. I’ve been a little busy, y’know, spending my days in a lab, handling chemicals, studying viruses, washing lab equipment, writing up reports for your mother and her colleagues, working on my own research on the side… the usual.” He flashes you a bright, sarcastic smile.

“Poor baby,” you coo, ruffling his hair. Kuroo laughs while you continue messing with the dark locks. “Was your first full day here the only tourist-day you’ve had so far?” His weekends, you already know, are spent either lounging around cafés, pools, or the great outdoors with you or the interns. But you’d assumed he’d had time to do some exploring on his own.

Kuroo nods. “And my guide wasn’t even that great,” he mutters, shooting you a dark look. “She sped through every attraction and hardly spoke a word outside of the tour to me. I think she hated me.”

You giggle and open the door, letting the music from the outdoor speakers infiltrate the bubble inside your car. “Maybe she was just nervous!” you say as you get out. That’s a lie.

“About what?” Kuroo follows suit, the gravel crunching beneath his feet. “I was so friendly to you and you just brushed me off each time.” He pouts.

But you don’t reply. Instead, you just grab his hands and pull him towards the venue. As you step into the boundaries marked by fairy lights and rustic wooden fences, Kuroo stops in his tracks and tugs on your intertwined hands. You glance down before up, trying to memorise how his hand looks around yours in the few seconds you can steal.

“Y/N,” Kuroo says. The strobe lights paint his skin pink, blue, purple like it’s a canvas. “Tell me why you were nervous.” Grammatically, it’s a command. And yet it sounds like he’s begging.

“What’s it mean to you?” you ask, feeling your heartbeat speed up in your chest. So what if you just… said it? What would happen?

“Everything?” he replies with a cheeky smile. The odds that he seriously means that are slim. But… they’re there. You shake that possibility out of your mind. That’s just the hope talking.

“Depends how convincingly you say it.” You tug on his arm. “C’mon. Let’s dance.” But he doesn’t budge–– he just continues to stand by the entrance of the club with an expectant look on his face. People are starting to stare.

“Fine,” you say with an eye roll. “I’ll tell you." Kuroo smirks, something self-congratulatory ready to leave his mouth, but then you let go of his hand and dance backwards into the throng of moving bodies. “But first, you’re gonna have to dance with me!” 

You allow yourself to be swallowed by the lively music, the people, the moment. Seconds later you’re deep enough into the crowd that you lose sight of Kuroo. Something in you says that he’ll show up soon, though. For now, you let yourself breathe. Forget about the heaviness of what-if’s, the itch to confess, the dread of the aftermath. Feelings are a lot like gravity. Sometimes they keep you grounded, other times, they weigh you down. This is one of those other times.

You dance up to a friendly-looking group of teens your age. Three guys and two girls. You shout your name and follow up with how it’s nice to meet them, hoping one of them finds you nice enough to keep around. Dancing alone in a club is one of the worst things that can ever happen to someone. Luckily, one of the girls–– the one wearing a purple wig–– pulls you in for a hug, drunkenly shouting back, “Bianca!” Bianca pushes you into their circle next to one of the guys and, just like that, you two start moving to the beat, feeling it in your feet, shoulders, hips. At one point, you turn around and take a good look at his face. The guy’s cute enough, but he’s not Kuroo. Still, you say nothing as he moves closer to you and grabs your hand, lifting it up and motioning for you to twirl.

Suddenly, a pair of hands grip firmly onto your waist and pull you out of the circle. “Hey!” You look down, suddenly realising they’re Kuroo’s. A shiver runs down your spine. He spins you around to face him. His lips are set in a firm line, eyes completely devoid of humour, nostrils slightly flared.

“Hi,” you say quietly, testing the waters.

“Hi,” he replies curtly. His hands are still on your waist. Selfishly, you choose not to point that out. Instead, you try to defuse the situation with a light question. Playful tone.

“Where were you this whole time?”

“Looking for you.”

“Well… you found me.” You flash him a sheepish grin. A peace offering of some sort.

“I did.” He doesn’t take it.

“Lucky you.”

Irritation finally seeps through his features. “You just left me on the dance floor!” he snaps. “And then when I find you after searching the entire venue, you’re dancing up on some random guy!”

“It was in good fun!” you retort, wriggling out of his grip. “And I wasn’t dancing up on him.” You want to ask if he’s jealous so badly, but you take a good look at his face and decide against that.

“Fun?” he asks incredulously. “Worrying about losing you, worrying about myself getting lost, then having to worry about that guy after finding you isn’t very fucking fun to me, Y/N!” The words fly out of his mouth like daggers without pause. Once finished, he looks at you with a disappointed gaze, shaking his head lightly, chest rising and falling with each heavy breath.

“I’m sorry,” you say, looking down at your shoes. It doesn’t matter if you disagree with him–– a sort of shame drills itself so deeply into your conscience that all you can think about is making things right again. “I didn’t think my actions through.”

A second passes. You wonder what he’s thinking.

“Hey, look at me.” Kuroo lifts your chin up with an index finger. Your wide eyes meet his narrow ones. Just as a pink beam glides over his face, his gaze softens, falls down to your lips. And then you feel his thumb on your chin, barely grazing the skin of your bottom lip. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down. The revelry in the background fades to dull beats against your eardrums. Suddenly, you register that he smells of, as usual, blackcurrant and amber.

But now you also smell of blackcurrant and amber.

You’re wearing his clothes. You smell of him.

Kuroo’s eyes crawl back up to yours, wide like he’s just been caught in the middle of a crime. You blink expectantly, ignoring the furious way your heart pounds in your chest. Shallow breaths puff through your slightly parted mouth.

“I am.” It comes out barely a whisper. C’mon. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me kiss me kiss me kiss me kiss me kiss me––

You gently touch the hand he has on your chin. Kuroo jolts back like he’s been burned. “I’ll, uhm, I’ll be in the car,” he stutters, looking away from your face. He pushes through the sea of people, leaving you all alone on the dance floor, body doused in blue light, fingers touching the area his thumb had been as if preserving its print.

Kuroo hardly notices you slip into the passenger’s seat minutes later. He’s got his forearms hanging over the steering wheel and gaze fixed ahead into the darkness, mind probably running off to a place he wishes his body was, too.

As soon as you’ve buckled yourself in, Kuroo starts the car.

The entire drive home is silent.

Once Kuroo pulls into your courtyard and parks, he turns off the engine, unbuckles his seatbelt, and steps out of the car. Wordlessly, you follow his actions and meet him by the stairs to your door.

“Hi,” you say quietly. He doesn’t look at you.

“Hey.”

The two of you stand outside your front door in silence as you both consider what to say next. This can’t be the way it ends.

“I shouldn’t have… done that,” Kuroo says first.

“Done what?” You choose to play dumb. Call it selfish, but you want to hear him say it. Maybe then it’ll feel as real as it had been. Kuroo sighs and leans his shoulder against the stone wall, crossing his arms over his chest. There’s no way he can dance around what happened. Perhaps the past two months can be summed up as the development of a strong friendship with skilled doublespeak and metaphors and just enough artistic licence, but this can’t. And Kuroo knows that. He can’t feed you an alternative truth like he’s done so many times before. What’s more, he can’t lie to himself anymore. So maybe it’s better just to not speak at all.

Your eyes burn holes into the side of his face. Fine. You’ll concede first. “I was never nervous.”

Kuroo blinks, turns his head around to look at you. “What?”

“I was never nervous. I was playing it cool because I didn’t want to risk befriending you and getting attached.” I’m still playing it cool, you don’t say. And I’m already attached. “Guess I just came off as a bitch instead.” You laugh. “But can you blame me? You were this cute, older guy. Smart, too, since you were interning with my mom. You were my dream guy.”

An amused breath blows out of his nose. “Were?” he questions, grinning, only remembering the fragility of your platonic relationship a second later. “Um––”

“Are.” It slips out of your mouth without you realising. Fuck. Kuroo stills. It’s too late to take back your words now, so you might as well just keep going. “You still are my dream guy.”

Seconds pass and neither of you says anything. Sweat gathers in the palms of your hands. You start to feel your heartbeat through your neck. The buzz of the cicadas grows louder. Oppressive. Behind Kuroo, the sky is starting to turn pale blue and pink in the horizon. That means it’s almost sunrise. The night is almost over, and, hopefully, so is this awful conversation.

“And… you don’t feel the same.” Funnily, you feel like you’re lying. You’re telling Kuroo how he feels and you think you’re lying. Does that make sense? None of this night even feels real. God, you hope this has all just been a dream. Mustering a soft smile, you say, “That’s okay. Thank you for the party. And the adventure.” It was fun while it lasted. You feel the house key in your pocket and turn to unlock the door. “I hope this doesn’t change anything between us, Kuroo. Can we still be friends?” The words leave your mouth feeling like barbed wire. You know damn well you can’t still be friends.

And suddenly, you feel his calloused hands around your cheeks. Suddenly, his hot breath fans over your face.

“Can I kiss you?” he murmurs.

Your eyes close instantly. “Yes, please.”

And suddenly, his soft lips are on yours.

Kuroo breaks the kiss seconds later. “Fuck,” he whispers, resting his forehead against yours, touching the tips of your noses together. “Y/N, I don’t want to be friends. Fuck.” A dry chuckle leaves his mouth. He pauses to collect his thoughts but decides that that can wait. Instead, he presses another kiss to your lips so fervently that he backs you up against the wall with no space between your bodies. You wonder if he can feel your heartbeat like this, chest to chest. Kuroo’s hands travel down your waist and rest on your hips. His tongue runs across your tongue, your teeth, the insides of your mouth. You gently suck on it, drawing a satisfied moan from him. When the kiss ends, you see that his lips are red and cheeks are swollen. A warm feeling spreads through your chest. “I thought I could be happy just being friends with you but I can’t. I want you so bad it hurts. Not to mention, when I saw you in my hoodie?” His fingers pinch the material. “I thought God was testing me or some shit.”

“Sure didn’t feel like you wanted me that way,” you retort, still breathless.

“In my defence,” Kuroo says, thumbs tracing your cheekbones, “I was very scared.”

“Of what?”

It looks like he’s about to tell you, but he changes his mind and doesn’t answer. He grabs your hand and pulls you back to the car with a cheeky grin. “I’ll tell you only if you tell me where we can watch the sunrise.”

Kuroo holds your hand, stroking your thumb the entire drive there.

After a short hike, you plop down on the grassy hillside, supporting your body with outstretched arms in the back. Kuroo sits down beside you with one of his hands covering yours, fingers intertwined like a honeysuckle vine around a hazel tree. You tell him that you grew up running along this hill with your parents. It used to be your playground. Maybe, you think, it’s time to make new memories here.

“Beautiful,” Kuroo breathes, a wonderstruck look in his eyes. The sun’s just risen halfway above the pink and blue horizon, the saturated orange casting the entire city below gold. It’s not just the city, though. He’s also gold. He’s just as beautiful. You watch him with a soft smile on your lips, noting how his wide eyes and slack jaw return to normal as he stares off into the distance. After resting your head on his shoulder, you fix your eyes on the sunrise ahead. You wonder what he’s thinking so quietly about.

“Penny for your thoughts?” you finally ask once the sun has finished revealing itself.

Kuroo blinks, returning to reality, but continues to stare straight ahead. “I was just thinking about… soulmates.”

You lift your head off his shoulder. “Don’t tell me you believe in soulmates now,” you tease.

“Hmm.” He turns to look at you, the sun turning his hazel eyes the colour of honey. That same wry smirk from Jack’s returns to his face.

“You wanna know why I was so scared?”

“Pray tell.”

“Because I’ve never felt this way towards anyone.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“No,” Kuroo laughs, laying his head down in your lap, looking up into your eyes. “I’m serious. I used to purposely stay away from girls in high school. Same in college. Same all the way until you somehow wormed your way into my life. That’s why we wouldn’t have been friends.” You cock your head to the side.

“Why?” you ask, running your fingers through his hair.

Kuroo’s eyelids flutter shut. He inhales deeply before talking. “My parents are divorced. The years before the divorce were… very ugly.” 

(He spares you the details of the midnight arguments, the smashed plates, the holes in the walls. He spares you the details of how he only ever knew how to fall asleep with his head sandwiched between two pillows, how he hasn’t seen his sister in a decade, how he’ll curse and snap but never yell because he always feels like a child again around the noise. That’s for another time, if you’ll have any.) 

“I still remember all the fighting and yelling. For the longest time, that’s all I knew about marriage and relationships.”

“Did you think all relationships were like that? Fighting and yelling?” you ask.

“For a while, yeah. I’m still a little scared of that, to be honest. Ending up in a relationship where all you do is fight.” Kuroo sighs. “But that’s not the only thing. I thought I wouldn’t know how to love someone, growing up like that.” At that, your fingers pause in his hair.

“Wait,” you say, furrowing your brows. A wave of immense sadness (not for yourself, for him) washes over you. “You think you wouldn’t know how to love someone else?”

“Thought.” Kuroo cracks open his eyes and smiles up at you. “I’m in the process of changing my mind.”

#kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo tetsurou scenarios #kuroo tetsurou imagines #haikyuu!!

[spacebarnes]

still love you ✧ t.holland.

summary: he still love her, and that's all he really know.

warnings: crying(?, cheating mentions, bad memories, i think that's all; let me know if there's another one!

a/n: sheesh, this took me days but i'm so happy with the result, make sure you read part one first! requests are open. as always, english it's not my first language so sorry about any mistakes. take care of yourself pls. (not my gif) <3

°•°•°•

"Don't forget to put the pink dress and the white boots. be ready in fifteen, please." Bella, your assistant said and closed the door to your dressing room so that you could change before the show.

It had been about a month since that fight where you and Tom broke up. As soon as your friends arrived, you packed your things and went to your old apartment. You hadn't heard from Tom in all this time, only when you happened to ask Sam or Harry when all of you hang out.

You got dressed as fast as you could and being careful not to mess up your hair. Five minutes before you left, your phone screen lit up, displaying a message from Maggie.

You opened the message as quickly as possible and as soon as you read the title of the note that your friend had sent you, you moved your finger without reading the text and go directly to the photos. It was true, the photos showed Tom outside a restaurant with a blue hair girl, and it seemed that they were together, very close.

Leaving Tom in the past was something that cost you a lot and it certainly still did, because you couldn't erase your feelings so easily overnight. You felt your eyes start to get wet, but you raised your head trying not to let the tears fall, at least not three minutes before going on stage.

Three knocks on the door alarmed you and you quickly regained your posture. "You're ready?" Bella asked and you got up to open the door and see her holding a small board in her hands. "Good, Jimmy it's already in the studio, let's go."

This interview was the first you would give after your most recent breakup, and for a fact you knew that the questions related to your ex were not going to be lacking. "Please, give it up for Y/N Y/L!" Jimmy announced and screams filled the study as you approached the couch. "How are you?" he asked kindly once you were sitting on the couch.

"Very good and you?" you returned the question with kindness.

"Great now that you're here," he gave you a smile and clasped his hands to begin the interview. "But enough about me, you recently finished your tour, how does it feel to finally rest?"

"Well, it's really awesome to finally sleep in a bed and not in a bus tour," laughter from the audience rang out at your comment, making you smile. "But, I have to say I kinda miss traveling the world and seeing so many of my fans."

"So have you spend time with your loved ones?" he asked and with that phrase, you already knew where all this was going.

"Yeah, i have. yesterday i went out with Harrison and Sam, you know, just to catch up some things." you smiled sideways and looked for those mentioned in the audience, they just made a funny face towards you.

"and what about Tom?" the question made you come out of your bubble and go back to the interview. "because we haven't seen you two together on your instagram stories or something like that, even, some fans are saying that he didn't show up to your last concert." this last information took you back to the night where it all ended, making your heart clench a bit. you swallowed before answering.

"Yeah, well, um," you started to play with your fingers, feeling the nervousness rush through your blood. "We don't talk anymore."

"Are you saying that you two break up?"

"Yeah, we did." you responded in the driest way possible to prevent the feeling from winning you over. "About a month ago, i think." the screen behind you light up, and your first instinct was to turn to see what it was about, but you regretted it the moment you saw what was projected.

"So you aren't this girl?" Jimmy asked while pointing with a control to the girl who was with Tom in the photos of the article, before answering, you turned to see Harrison and Sam in the audience, who only raised their shoulders to show that they had nothing to do with that.

"No, i'm not," you denied and resumed your initial position. "I mean, our haircolor it's different and she's holding a beer wich i usually don't drink, so." you raised your hands and folded your arms at the height of your shoulders. the interview continued until the cameramen announced that they were going to a commercial break. Harrison and Sam approached you as quickly as possible as did Bella.

"We didn't know that they would show the photos." Harrison quickly said and put his hands on the sides of your arms.

"It's fine," you smirked and then put your gaze on Bella's face, who was behind Harrison. "You know what songs I'll sing?" your presentation would be in twenty minutes and the songs were still to be chosen by Jake, your manager.

"Yeah, um," the girl quickly flipped one of the sheets on her chart to see the schedule. "London Boy and Mr. Perfectly Fine." you closed your eyes for a moment and tilted your head, accepting reality. London Boy was a song you wrote for Tom while the two of you were away and it was already out as a single, but Mr. Perfectly Fine, that was special. That song was not yet recorded and had been written this weeks of pain. Inspiration had been Tom and how he had post some pictures on instagram looking perfectly fine after all this situation. You weren't ready for Mr. Perfectly Fine, least of all right now.

"Mr. Perfectly Fine?" Sam asked, crossing his arms and looking at you before speaking. "She can't sing that song, it's not even recorded. Where's Jake?" he began to search with his gaze to the brunnete to be able to speak with him.

"It's fine," you put your hand on his shoulder. "I'll guess it's time to sing it to the world." you gave him an unconvinced smile.

"You're sure?" he asked, pulling you up so he could give you a short hug, resting his chin on your head.

"Yeah, Sammy," you smiled as you smelled his perfume. "I mean, it's just one song without Tom, how bad can it turn out, right?" you broke away from him and looked at your two friends.

None of the three wanted to admit it, but all of you knew that anything could go wrong. You knew Mr. Perfectly Fine was going to be a single, but you thought that when it came out, you would be in the couch eating a big pot of ice cream with Tom, or you would be dancing with Sam and all your friends, but this time it would be different, very different.

"I know but," Holland returned to the subject and clicked his tongue. "It's the first single without him, I thought you wanted to be crying in your room or some stuff like that." took a hit by Harrison at this last comment.

"Let me get this lad out of here before he convince you to run out of the studio." the blond boy grabbed the brunette and directed him to where they were sitting, while you took a quick drink from the bottle of water to also return to your starting position.

Finally, it was time to sing. "Everything's fine?" Bella asked as she adjusted the necklace that hung around your neck. You had had a little change and now your hair was in a high ponytail and your clothes was now a black shorts with a white long-sleeved blouse and a little pink blazer that matched your shoes.

"Yeah." you nodded and she withdrew. You were ready for the presentation, yes, but emotionally? absolutely not. You knew you could sing London Boy without any problem, but Mr. Perfectly Fine would be a big punch in your heart.

The melody of London Boy began to sound and the lights little by little were illuminating the place, letting you see yourself in front of a microphone and with a band behind.

But something happened, I heard him laughing

I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent

"i'm Tom , and i suppose that you're Y/N Y/L, right?"

They say home is where the heart is

But that's not where mine lives

"i want you to move on with me and the boys, you know?"

You know I love a London boy

I enjoy walking Camden Market in the afternoon

He likes my American smile

Like a child when our eyes meet, darling, I fancy you

Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates

"so, this is Harrison and Tuwaine, and there is Harry and Sam, but you alredy met them."

So I guess all the rumors are true

"are Tom Holland and Y/N Y/L dating?"

You know I love a London boy

London Boy ended quickly even though you felt like an eternity. The music low but then rose in a second to start with the Mr. Perfectly Fine tune. You took a breath to calm yourself, but as soon as the first verse approached you searched with panicked eyes for Harrison and Sam. Harrison would hold his thumbs up towards you and Sam would whisper something in his ear, this made you more nervous.

Hello, Mr. "Perfectly fine"

How's your heart after breakin' mine?

"fine, i'm fucking leaving."

"it's not like you ever tried to stay."

Mr. "Always at the right place at the right time," baby

[...]

And it's really such a shame

It's such a shame

'Cause I was Miss "Here to stay"

"of course i'll be right here when you come, dumbass."

Now I'm Miss "Gonna be alright someday"

"it's just some hard days, you know? I'll get over it, i'm fine."

And someday maybe you'll miss me

But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"

Applause rang out when the melody ended and you didn't sigh when, but tears ran down your cheek. You cleaned them up quickly and smiled.

"Wow, it's that a new song?" Jimmy asked as he came over to thank you and hug you.

"It is, yeah." you nodded and opened your arms to receive the interviewer. "The name is Mr. Perfectly Fine. It will be recorded soon, don't worry." you winked at the camera.

"Well, I'll guess the only thing I have left to say, it's," he look at you to get both of you to say it together and you quickly get it.

"Hello, Mr. Perfectly Fine, how's your heart after breaking mine?"

"It's falling apart, thanks for asking." Tom responded to the screen with a sour smile and closed his computer screen. Your laughter still rang out due to Tuwaine and Harry watching the show from the living room.

On the other side of the coin, Tom was not as good as he was shown. He returned to live with his friends as soon as the news that you were gone reached his ears. decided not to go looking for you thinking you wanted space for some time. His nights were crying and crying, going out to drink, being photographed with a girl but never going from there, because he felt bad having sex with her when he hadn't gotten over you, you didn't deserve that.

His bed felt cold at night, the closet was half empty, and your shampoo bottle was still in the bathroom. Tom wanted to forget you, but he couldn't if there were traces of you all over his house.

°•°•°•

"Where are you going?" Tuwaine asked Tom when he saw that he was going to leave the house.

"To get some tea, there's nothing left," he replied without looking at him, searching for the key to the front door. The key that had a black stripe of nailpolish that you had put so Tom could differentiate it from the others. Your ex ran his finger along the line, smiling to himself.

"Hell no, Thomas," Harry appeared and leaned back in the kitchen counter. "It's Sunday, remember? it's your turn to do the laundry."

"Man, c'mon," he narrowed his eyes and began to move the key between his hands. "I can do it when i get back."

"Nah ah." Harry shook his head and met glances with his brother. "You always said that. just separate it and you can go." he wrinkled his eyebrows at this answer.

"Mate, you're not my mom," he said with a smile, but his brother looked at him in a special way and he knew that look.

"Fine, fuck you anyways." left the keys on the small table in the living room and went to the laundry, where there were two baskets full of clothes. "Oh man, fuck me," he ran a hand across his forehead and walked over to the first basket. "Do the laundry." he mocked his brother and rolled his eyes.

But then, then the white shirt with a little taco appeared in his hands. He remembered very well that shirt, it was a pajama shirt that he combined with blue shorts with taco prints. He remembered that you had lost it and you could never find it. He took the garment and went back to the living room, where everyone but Sam was.

"Hey, where did this come from?" he asked, drawing everyone's attention and showed the shirt.

"Oh, I found it behind the red table, you know which one? the one that we always take to your parents' house." Harrison responded as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Tom nodded, wondering if he should do it or not, he was processing every thought that came to his head. Was it worth doing?

"You know what," he nodded and took the keys from the table, putting the shirt on his shoulder. "I'm gonna go to a place really quick."

"But the laundry-"

"I'll do it when i get back!" it was the last thing his friends and his brother heard before he walked out the front door.

"He scares me." Tuwaine said and everyone nodded with a little laugh.

Your doorbell rang and you grunted at this sound, because you had an omelette in the pan and you weren't expecting anyone, it rang another two times until your "coming!" reached the person's ears.

"What is it? I don't expect any package or I didn't order any-" your voice seemed to drop automatically when you saw him standing in front of you. her foot moved to calm her nerves and she held something white in her hand.

"Sorry for not asking and just showing up like this out of nowhere," he apologized, but seeing that you had no intention of speaking, he continued. "Um, i just found this shirt of you, it's the one with the taco and, you know, I thought you would like... can we talk please? even if it is just for closure." he practically begged you and you just nodded your head as you snapped back to reality. You turned around, implying that he would come in and close the door. You headed into the kitchen to turn off the pan and put your breakfast on a plate.

"Do you want some tea?" You were the first to speak, approaching the couch where he was already. shook his head.

"So, is it about me?" he asked once you took a seat on the couch.

"What thing?" you asked without understanding, it was early and your brain wasn't working yet.

"The song, Mr. Perfectly Fine." that took you by surprise, what kind of question was that? of course it was about him.

"Did you see the show?" you asked, ignoring her question. He nodded.

"Everyone in the house was watching it, it was hard to ignore it," he shrugged and you hid a smile at the thought that Tuwaine and Harry were still supporting you. "You didn't answer my question, tho."

"It is, Tom," you nodded and bit your lip thinking carefully what you would say. "Everything it's about you."

"Y/N-"

"Let me finish, please," you could feel your voice cracking and you didn't know if you would hold out long, it was better to speak now than never. "It's just that," you sighed before continuing. "You looked so good on your social networks, you were even more active than ever on instagram. You were photographed every Friday night with a new girl," you started playing with your hands to calm your nerves. "You looked so perfectly fine while I was destroyed." you finally finished and felt a relief to let those words out. Tom processed every word in his head, he just wanted to taste your sweet lips again and get them back together. but he knew that if he wanted that, he had to confess his feelings as well.

"I was not fine," he lowered her gaze and her heart was beating fast. "Yeah, I made out with some girls, but they were very different from you, I didn't want them to look like you." he bit the inside of her cheek as he felt the tears come to her eyes. "And I know it's not romantic at all, but I couldn't be with someone like you, I didn't feel comfortable."

"And even if I kissed them, it was never the same, I didn't take them home because you didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve that I touched another person in such a short time." he ran his hands through his hair and dropped a few tears. "And the night of your last show, yeah, I went to a house party and I kissed another girl," his confession turned your stomach, remembering the pain you felt when you saw that hickey in his neck. "It was only because we didn't see each other often and I really missed you so much. and i know it's not an excuse but it's the best i have to tell you."

"Tom, let me-"

"I still love you and I don't think I love anyone else in my whole life." he said with some desperation. you could see in Tom's eyes that he was really telling the truth. I was really having a hard time just like you, he wasn't being arrogant or a dickhead, he was being real.

"Here," you took his hand in yours looking for his contact. "What if," you started rubbing your thumb against his hand. "I let you take me on a date and we can erase this." the boy's eyes lit up at this proposal.

"Yeah, yeah of course." he said quickly, releasing himself from your grasp to wipe his tears away. "Whatever you want, baby," he covered his mouth as he told you that nickname. "sorry, Y/N."

"It's fine, darling," you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"I still love you too."

#fanfic #oneshot #tom holland #marvel #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland smut #tom holland au

[homoose]

Through the Smoke

Request: could you do spencer x bau reader where they aren't dating yet but they both feel for each other? where both spencer and reader are very closed off people and the whole team knows that. but after one rough case on the flight back, they're both just exhausted mentally and physically and seek comfort in each other. then spend the night at reader's apartment and kiss for the first time there. sorry if this is specific but thank you (:

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: angst with a happy ending

Warnings/Includes: typical CM stuff, cults, kidnapping, violence, etc.

Word count: 8.1k

Music recs: Through the Fire by Jake Etheridge and Margot Todd; scared by Jeremy Zucker

a/n: anon, I have no idea if this is what you were looking for, but this is where it went. It’s a generous rewrite of 300, substituting the reader for Garcia. Also this blog operates with the understanding that the season 14 jeid arc does not exist lmao. JJ is firmly in the “I love you as a brother” camp and I will not be taking questions at this time. Also, this is a reminder that my requests are open! send me some fresh ideas, head cannons, rambles, whatever! 

———

“Metro PD and the Bureau have been made aware of the Believers and possible activity following their leader’s arrest,” Prentiss confirmed, looking out over the team mingling in the bullpen. “But taking Theo at his word—”

“We only arrested three. There’s probably more out there, but if they follow cult dynamics, they’ll break down on their own without the messiah,” Matt finished.

“Typical cults: you think it’s a cast of thousands when really it’s just four whackos sitting around in the dark,” Tara mused.

Prentiss smiled. “I think we deserve some decompression time, and Rossi’s kind enough to host.”

Rossi leaned over the railing and nodded. “And I have some top shelf wine picked just for the occasion.”

The team started gathering their belongings and heading towards the elevators. Y/N hesitated, looking toward the case file still sitting on her desk. Something about how this had all wrapped up just… didn’t sit right. Her nearly five years with the Critical Incident Response Group had given her an up close view of some of the most prolific cults in American history. She’d studied Jonestown, Waco, Ruby Ridge, Liberty Ranch; new cults emerged onto CIRG’s radar regularly. And there was something about The Believers that just didn’t add up.

Y/N began shuffling things around on her desk, trying to look busy. She caught Spencer and JJ out of the corner of her eye, talking quietly. They ended their conversation with a hug, lingering just a little longer than Y/N would have preferred. She shook her head to try to physically clear the thought from her brain. She knew that Spencer had been through a lifetime’s worth of trauma before she joined the team, and that JJ had been an integral support for him. Y/N was also aware that she had zero grounds to be concerned with any of Spencer’s relationships, romantic or otherwise.

“Y/N, you coming?” JJ asked, walking toward her desk. Spencer headed out of the bullpen and down the hall.

Y/N gave her a half-hearted smile. “Yeah, I’ll be there in a little bit. Just wanted to finish up a couple things here.”

“Well, don’t stay too late.” JJ pressed her lips together for a moment before adding, “Maybe you and Spence could drive together. He said he might not make it, but if he had some company...”

Y/N hoped her immediate flush wasn’t too obvious. After nearly a year in the unit, she finally felt like she had built some solid relationships with the team, and Spencer was no exception. She relished their card games on the jet, the laughs over too-sweet coffee, discussions about books and films and music. But she also adored the way his hair sometimes curled and fell into his eyes, his animated and rambling tangents, the way his hands traced over the tiny print of his books. Most of her adult life had been spent surrounded by men who would gather up her trust in their pitted hands and crush it on a whim. She’d kept her heart behind glass for a long while, but Spencer was slowly chipping away at the fragile panels. She was certain he had no idea that he was even holding the chisel; but just about everyone else seemed to have figured it out. JJ, with her hands clasped together and an eager smile, definitely had. Y/N smiled, too. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“So we’ll see you in a bit?” When Y/N nodded, JJ gave her a warm smile and headed out.

Turning back to the case file, Y/N pressed her fingers to her temple and looked over the documents. Some of the pieces fit together, but the whole case felt littered with gaps and holes. The tale that Theo had woven about The Believers seemed true enough— his parents were simply the suppliers of potential cult members. Although, she still couldn’t figure out the reason for the kidnapping and torture. There were much easier ways to recruit vulnerable people.

She flipped past the pages of written statements and read over the report from the warehouse raid. It was short— the take down of Merva was too easy. Why was he sitting alone in an empty warehouse with only two unarmed, sleeping followers as a defense? Where was the rest of the cult? Matt was correct that most cults fall apart without their leader; unless the loss of a leader was a possibility they’d already prepared for.

The burns on Quinn’s hands didn’t make sense, either. Why use the initiation ritual as a torture device? Shouldn’t that be saved for people who had accepted the invitation? And then there was the one coincidence that nagged at her the most: what were the chances that Theo just happened to be enrolled in Spencer's course? Why did Spencer seem to be at the center of the whole thing?

Y/N sighed as her phone lit up with a message from JJ. She realized she’d been poring over the file for twenty-five minutes, and she had to laugh. As the least experienced profiler on the team, what could she possibly see that the others hadn’t? She closed the case file and quickly packed up, grabbing her jacket and bag and making her way toward the elevator lobby. She paused at the glass doors, retrieving her phone and pulling up Spencer’s contact information. Her thumb hovered over the call button for a long moment before she huffed out a breath. If even JJ hadn’t been able to convince him to go, there was no way she’d be able to change his mind. Despite herself, she glanced down the hall, allowing herself one moment to imagine an alternate timeline where she asked him to come along with her— to Rossi’s, to the moon, anywhere.

With a sigh, Y/N pushed open the glass doors and saw Agent Meadows leading Quinn to the elevator. She pushed down the little red flag in the back of her mind. As she stepped onto the elevator, she smiled politely at the two agents.

“I knew you didn’t do it. I just knew,” Meadows said to Quinn. She turned to Y/N. “And I can’t tell you what a privilege it’s been working with the A-Team on this case.”

Something about the calm in her voice made Y/N uneasy. “Yeah, it’s— um. It’s a great team to be a part of.” Her phone lit up again, this time with a phone call from JJ. “Okay, okay,” she muttered under her breath. Y/N answered the call, half an ear still listening to Meadows speak to Quinn. “Hey, I’m just leaving now.”

“Are you still at the BAU?” JJ demanded, voice low.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. But I’m in the elevator,” Y/N answered.

“Listen, we’re pretty sure Quinn was converted,” JJ told her. Y/N’s heart dropped into her shoes. “I need you to make sure he doesn’t leave that building. We’re coming back now. Where’s Spence?”

Y/N took a breath to try to even out her voice before speaking again. “Mom, we already talked about this. I don’t know.”

JJ paused. “Is Quinn in the elevator with you?”

“Yep.” JJ spoke quietly to someone on the other end of the phone. Y/N watched as the elevator dinged to the floor of the parking garage. “I’m going to have to hang up, mom. I’m gonna lose you, but I’ll try to take care of it tonight, okay?”

“Y/N, we’re on our—” The call dropped as the elevator hit the basement level.

Y/N took a deep breath to steady her voice. “Ugh, lost her.” She glanced at Meadows and Quinn, forced a smile and shrugged. “Elevators, right?”

The elevator doors began to open and Y/N stepped out, surreptitiously reaching for her holster. She had just lifted the strap when she heard the crack of metal hitting bone. Her face hit the concrete before she realized it was her own skull that bore the impact. She watched as her gun skidded across the parking lot floor, the taste of iron flooding her mouth. “Fuck,” she muttered, wincing in pain and scrambling up off the ground as a gunshot went off.

She didn’t feel the impact of the bullet. She looked down at her body, expecting to see a blooming rose of blood. She stared dumbly for a second too long, before remembering that she needed to get to her gun. Her hand instinctively went to her nose as she stumbled forward, coming away wet with blood.

“Stop, Agent Y/L/N.”

She heard the sound of a gun cocking, and then another. She closed her eyes and ran through an internal stream of curses. Raising her hands up, she turned slowly around. An older white man stood to her left, his gun trained on her. Meadows walked slowly towards her, lowering her own weapon. Quinn leaned against the back of the elevator, clutching his abdomen and blood staining the front of his shirt.

“Surprise,” Meadows sang, a sick smile spreading across her face. She stopped in front of Y/N, sweeping her hand in the direction of the man. “Now, John’s going to make sure you don’t do anything stupid. Get in the car.”

Y/N glanced in the direction of the vehicle, a dark sedan, driver armed to the teeth as well. “The team knows something’s up. You won’t make it out of this garage alive.”

Meadows laughed, loud and unhinged. “Oh honey. They’re not looking for lil ol’ me. And they sure as hell won’t be looking for an ambulance.” Her smile returned. “Plus, I already erased 299 murders from the Bureau’s radar. What’s a couple more? Now, shut up... and get in the car.”

Y/N moved to the open car door, keeping her back as straight as possible and her chin up, refusing to show them any cowardice. The barrel of the gun jabbed her in the back as she lowered herself into the vehicle. The door slammed shut, and in a moment, the gun was back on her, the man sitting next to her in the backseat. Y/N waited for the car to pull out, still trying to make sense of it all. Meadows was a Believer? What did she mean by “erased” 299 murders? Why would she blow her cover to shoot Quinn? Did she think that he had figured her out? Or that Y/N had? If that was the case, why not just shoot her? Why wasn’t the car moving?

“Drop your gun, Agent Reid,” Meadows’ muffled voice penetrated the inside of the vehicle. Y/N’s heart began to race. John dug the gun further into her side.

“It’s been you the whole time,” Spencer deduced.

“Yes, it was. Quinn somehow figured it out first. Pity having to shoot him,” Meadows mocked. “But he can’t give me what I want. And you can.”

“What’s that?” Y/N’s brain scrambled to put the pieces together as she listened to the exchange. Spencer was at the heart of it after all. It was right there, she just couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

Meadows continued, “You and I are going to go upstairs and free my Messiah.”

“You’re in the heart of the FBI. As soon as the rest of my team figures out it’s you, you’ll be dead before you’re out the door.” Y/N hoped to god that he was right.

“Then we need to work quickly.”

“I’m not going to cooperate with you,” Spencer told her. “Might as well shoot me.” Y/N didn’t even have time to panic before the car shifted into drive.

“I have a better idea.” On Meadows’ cue, the driver squealed out of the parking space and into Spencer’s line of sight. His eyes fell on Y/N, hands nearly pressed against the window, John’s gun pointed at her head. “Now, what’s it gonna be? Because you can either join us, or she dies.”

Y/N tried to radiate her rage through her eyes and screamed, “Reid, just shoot her! Shoot her!” The last thing she saw before the second crack of steel against her skull was the hesitation in Spencer’s eyes.

⧭⧭⧭

Y/N’s eyes fluttered open and she groaned at the pounding of her head, the rhythm of her heartbeat throbbing in the space behind her ears. She tried to lift her hand to check for blood, only to strain against the hold of a zip tie attached to the base of the chair. Instead, she surveyed the room around her. A warehouse, lots of shipping containers, and even more men— this time armed with assault rifles and machine guns. One stood at the entrance point of the small area she was being kept in.

She worked through her memory, putting the pieces together. Meadows was a Believer, had been for quite some time to pull all of this off. Quinn wasn’t special, he just got in the way of her real target. Ben Merva might have been the messiah, but Spencer Reid was clearly just as important to whatever mission they were carrying out. Every twisting thread of information somehow traced back to him: Theo in his class, Quinn’s attachment to him, Meadows’ demand that he be the one to free Merva.

“Good, you’re awake.” Meadows strode through the space with a laptop in hand. “I need your handiwork.”

Y/N stared at her. “Is that so?’

Meadows set the laptop on the barrel in front of Y/N and then leaned down to cut the zip tie. “Besides being my collateral for the good doctor, you’re also going to help me access CIRG’s surveillance data.”

“Fuck you.” Y/N spat on Meadows’ shoes. “I’m doing nothing for you.” Her head rolled back, eyes piercing daggers into Meadows. “You should just kill me now, because this is a waste of your time. And I’m sure you know the A-Team isn’t going to waste theirs.”

Meadows narrowed her eyes and gave a theatrical sigh. “I should’ve known you’d make this difficult.” She nodded to John, standing at the entranceway.

Y/N spat again, this time to rid her mouth of the taste of blood. She steeled herself for the next onslaught, compartmentalizing every emotion outside of her fury. Her mind raced to salvage and scrutinize the memories from her time in CIRG, trying desperately to identify what Meadows could be looking for in the surveillance reports. The Believers hadn’t even been on the Bureau’s radar. The reason had to be linked to their interest in Spencer… a piece of information that involved both Spencer Reid and the existing surveillance data. A single grain that could bring the whole damn bushel down.

She heard a scuffle at the entrance of the room and raised her head. Her heart jumped into her throat at the sight of Spencer, bloodied and bruised. John dragged him into the room, throwing him down onto his knees in front of Y/N. His eyes tracked over her face and clouded over with an emotion she couldn’t quite place.

“Shit, Reid—”

“I’m fine—I’m sure it looks worse than it is,” he murmured. The concern in his eyes told Y/N she looked about as bad as she felt. “Are you all right?”

“I should’ve seen it. I should’ve known—”

“No,” Spencer interrupted. “This isn’t your fault. We all missed it.”

“What’s the end game here?” Y/N asked. “What’re they doing?”

“I’m going to be their last victim.” Spencer shook his head, barely able to keep himself upright. “I don’t know why, but I overheard them. There have been hundreds.”

Meadows stepped up behind Spencer, grinning at Y/N. “Have you changed your mind? I sure hope you have.” She raised her gun to his head. “Because if you don’t do what I want, I’ll blow his big, beautiful brains out.”

Spencer locked eyes with Y/N. She held his gaze for a moment, then tilted her head slightly as the gears started turning. The tie between Spencer and Benjamin was where it all unraveled. “No, I don’t think you will.”

Meadows’ grin faltered for less than a second, but it was long enough that Y/N knew she was right. “Is that right?” Meadows questioned.

“Yeah, it is.” She furrowed her brow, and Spencer looked at her. “You need him, don’t you? Alive.” Meadows’ tongue darted out to wet her lips, and Y/N was sure. “Because this isn’t just about Benjamin Merva. It’s about Benjamin Cyrus. It’s about Liberty Ranch.”

Meadows held her gaze for five seconds, then ten seconds. Y/N raised her chin, refusing to be the one to blink first. Meadows shifted the trajectory of her gun a foot to her right and fired off one shot. The breeze from the bullet shifted Y/N’s hair.

“You have two minutes to decide,” Meadows advised. The phone in her hand began ringing. “The next one won’t miss.” She answered the phone and stepped out.

Spencer spoke quickly. “Do whatever she’s asking. We have to get you out of here.”

“Reid, are your eyes broken?” Y/N snapped. “There’s a cult loyalist with a machine gun every five feet. You got a plan for that?”

“Listen to me.” His voice was calm, determined. “You’re right about them wanting me alive.”

The frustration bled through Y/N’s voice. “You should have just shot her.”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t do that.”

“You could’ve shot all three of them and ended this in the garage,” Y/N argued.

“And then I would have watched you die,” he said quietly. “That was never even an option.”

“I’m failing to see how that would have been any worse than this. Look at us.” She gestured wildly between them. She watched as the storm of emotion returned, a cyclone swirling in seas of gold and brown. “The team needs you. Spencer, I—” I need you. She reached a hand up, almost touching his face before dropping it back in her lap. He had found the chink in her carefully constructed armor; a fissure he’d fractured a little further with every smile, every look, every moment. All at once she knew she’d never be able to keep him out, no matter how much it might hurt.

“You’ve got one minute,” Meadows barked, hovering over them.

“Y/L/N, listen to me… Please...” Spencer’s voice was thick with tears. “Tell my mom—” The phone rang again, and Meadows stepped away to answer it. Spencer dropped to a whisper. His eyes flashed with urgency. “They’re taking me and Theo. We’ll distract them. The car we were in is right outside the door. We’re 18 minutes from Quantico. Turn left outside the parking lot, take a right at the light, you’ll recognize the rest. They stay off the highways.”

Y/N’s voice was frantic when she asked, “What about you?”

His eyes pleaded with her to respect what he was asking her to do. “I’ll delay them. Get the rest of the team back here. And do not worry about me.” John hauled up him off the floor.

“Time’s up.” Meadows, in a rare display of mercy, allowed them a hug.

Spencer leaned into her and Y/N wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She squeezed as hard as she could and whispered his name. She felt him take a deep breath into her hair, holding it for one impossibly long moment. Just before she released her hold on him, he mumbled, “It’s all happening. 10:23.” John dragged him back out the way they’d came.

“I gave you what you wanted.” Meadows ordered, “Get to it. Now.”

⧭⧭⧭

Y/N worked and waited, then watched and worried. Spencer spoke to Meadows. He was stalling her, offering a deal, boosting her ego, granting Y/N the opportunity to mentally prepare. But no matter how much time he gave her, she would never be prepared to leave him in that warehouse. He met her eyes across the movements of the operation and gave her an imperceptible nod before lunging forward to reach for John’s gun.

Chaos exploded throughout the warehouse. Theo ran in one direction, accosted by half a dozen Believers. Spencer and John tussled over the gun, one fighting for control and the other fighting the inevitable. Y/N sprinted, largely unnoticed, toward the huge sliding doors left slightly ajar. Bursting out into the night air, she immediately spotted one of the black sedans, unbelievably unlocked and with the keys in the ignition. She slammed the door behind her, turned the key, hesitated with her eyes on the door and her mind on Spencer for one moment too long. A single gunshot sounded from inside the warehouse.

Meadows raced out of the doorway, gun drawn. “Stop!” She pointed her gun at Y/N and there was nothing to do but step on the gas. Y/N had her eyes wide open as Meadows bounced off the windshield and onto the asphalt. She didn’t look back.

She drove. Left out of the parking lot. Just a dark, rural road—nothing particularly special or descript. She drove. Right at the stoplight. Then it was, just as Spencer said, familiar terrain. She wondered how it was possible to have seemed so far away— a world away— when it was right under their proverbial nose. She drove.

Her brain navigated of its own volition. Her mind couldn’t have been farther from the inside of the vehicle. She didn’t realize she’d arrived at the Bureau until she was attempting to pull into her usual parking spot, only to be met with her own abandoned car.

She turned the car off, left the keys in the ignition, and nearly floated out into the garage; up the elevator; across the cold floors of the lobby. Her body had walked this same path so many times before; it carried her without hesitation. She could hear the voices of the team, drifting through the open glass doors.

“She accepted their help knowing she would betray the government,” Tara deduced.

“Not every survivor wanted help,” JJ clarified.

Rossi continued, “We ran those who left the ranch and kept their names. A few relocated in rural Maryland and Virginia.”

“They could be helping now,” Luke suggested. “Any of them have large pieces of property?”

“A few,” Emily confirmed. Y/N turned the corner as she continued, “The Washington field office has started searches in Maryland. We’ll take the lead in Virginia.”

As she moved into the doorway, JJ’s eyes went wide and she rushed to Y/N’s side. “Oh my god, are you hurt?” She gently grabbed Y/N by the shoulders.

“It’s a warehouse in Hillcrest,” Y/N said flatly, eyes unfocused. “I can take you there, but we have to hurry. They hurt Reid; he looked— bad. He told me to r-run and take the car, but he’s still there.” Everyone headed for the doors except JJ and Garcia. “They won’t be there long, they have lots of trucks.” Y/N’s eyes locked on JJ, and for the first time since the whole ordeal started, she allowed herself to splinter, just a little. “I heard a gunshot. JJ, I heard a gunshot. I tried—”

“Shh, it’s okay,” JJ nodded, drawing her into a hug. “I know. I know you tr—”

“I left him there.” Her voice broke, but she couldn’t cry. Not yet. “I couldn’t get him. There was no way to save hi—”

“Stop,” JJ ordered, pulling out of the hug. “Y/N, look at me. You got out, you got back to us. If you hadn’t, we wouldn’t even know about the warehouse.”

“What if— what if I got him killed?” Y/N asked.

“You didn’t get anyone killed. Spence knew what he was doing.” JJ’s voice softened. “That’s what he does. He always figures things out before the rest of us. He has a plan and getting you back to Quantico was part of it.” She raised her eyebrows, making sure Y/N was listening. “And now we have to help him by putting the rest of it together.”

Y/N ran a hand over her face. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right.”

Garcia stepped forward and laid a hand on her arm. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Then we’ll get Reid back.”

They cleaned the blood from her face and hair as best they could in the bathroom sink. JJ patched up the lacerations with steri-strips. Back in the conference room, Garcia insisted she should get screened for a concussion as Y/N rubbed the knot on the back of her head. “There’s no time. Reid said, ‘It’s all happening. 10:23.’”

“But it’s past that,” JJ considered.

“So what did he mean?” Garcia asked.

“Could be a clue here.” Rossi's voice came over the speakerphone from inside the warehouse. “They got sloppy since they left in a hurry.”

“Okay, well you can’t be that far behind them,” JJ insisted.

“I know,” Emily agreed. “But there’s easy access to three major highways, and we don’t know which way they went.”

“Right, but they’re in tractor trailers. That means we can track them through weigh stations.”

“Garcia?” Emily prompted.

“In order to do that, I’d need the transponder identification numbers,” Garcia answered.

“Which we have no way of knowing,” Rossi sighed. “Everything they used was almost definitely forged.”

“We’re going to do another sweep here, and then we’ll head back,” Emily said. “Try to map out the most likely routes they’d use to get out of dodge.”

JJ hung up and looked to Y/N. “What do you remember about the warehouse?”

Y/N pressed her fingers into her temples. “It was full of supplies. They were disguising them, but they had stockpiles of weapons and ammunition; non-perishables and other food items; water. Enough to be off the grid for at least a year.” Y/N leaned back in her chair. “But it wasn’t just about The Believers. I mean, we know they’re a reincarnation of the Separatarian Sect.” She looked at JJ and Garcia. “It was more than that, though. Reid was at the center of everything; he was the target all along. Merva is the messiah, but it somehow all comes back to Spence.”

“Makes sense. They blame him for the downfall of the Sect,” JJ supplied.

“Yeah.” Y/N cracked her knuckles. “But—and I can’t—I can’t really explain it, but Meadows really wanted to kill Reid right then. She was— she was irritated, more than anything else.”

“So what stopped her?” Garcia asked.

“That’s what I can’t figure out. She threatened me with it, with ‘blowing his brains out,’ but I— called her bluff. And she was pissed.” Y/N rapped her knuckles on the table. “I mean, really, really furious. Which tells me that, even though she wanted to,  she couldn’t kill him.” She looked between the two of them. “Merva was pulling the strings, and he wouldn’t let her do it there.”

“So it matters where the final sacrifice takes place,” JJ concluded. “We’ve got to figure out where they’re going.”

⧭⧭⧭

They’d been rehashing the details over and over. Liberty Ranch, The Strangler investigation, The Believers, Meadows, Merva, Cyrus, 300 victims, the hyoid bones, all of it. About the only thing they knew for sure was how far the cult could get in the trucks. Spencer could have told them the exact square mileage, but the potential geographical range of the trucks was dauntingly large. Y/N tried not to panic as she stared at the map.

“If this is about a Believer's rebirth, babies are born with 300 bones,” JJ said. “And they’re taking the hyoids.”

“And the hyoids we had in evidence are missing, which means Merva needed them back,” Tara reasoned. “And that means they mean more to the end game than we thought.”

Y/N felt her patience waning. “But why did Reid need us to know it all happens at 10:23?” Y/N hated that her voice sounded snappy and desperate. “That’s got to be important. It’s the last thing he said to me.”

Matt put his hand on her shoulder. “Listen, you’re right. It means something to him. We’re trying to figure it out.”

“Yeah, well, we better figure it out soon.” Y/N shrugged off his hand, pushed back from her seat at the conference room table, and turned for the door. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. Every minute they spent floating ideas was another mile between them and Spencer. Another moment closer to losing him. She shoved the bathroom door open, hurrying into the stall and emptying the contents of her stomach.

She slumped back against the side of the stall, head gently knocking into the cool metal. She needed to pull herself together. The team was always strongest when they did their group think sessions, building upon each other’s knowledge and perspectives and filling in the gaps. If they’d done more of that earlier— if she’d had the confidence to call it out as soon as she saw the holes, Spencer might not be locked in the back of a truck, hundreds of miles away.

Y/N hoisted herself off the ground and out of the stall. She braced her hands on the counter top and tried to breathe evenly. She turned on the water and splashed her face, tapping against her cheeks. With water dripping down the planes of her face, she stared herself down in the mirror, willing her tired brain to make that last connection, to find that missing thread. It was all about the Benjamins, and she had a feeling that Cyrus was the key.

Y/N rolled her shoulders back and made her way to the conference room. She listened to their rotating conversation, knowing that this team was the only group of people capable of getting Spencer back alive.

“We have confirmation that there’s been no activity in or around the old ranch,” Matt informed them, pocketing his phone.

“If this is about rebirth, they’ll choose a new place,” Luke posited, arms crossed.

Tara leaned over the table. “Given their adoration of Cyrus and his love for the country, he’d want them to stay within our borders.”

“But Benjamin Cyrus wasn’t his real name, and he wasn’t born into the Sect,” Y/N reminded them quietly. Everyone turned to look at her. She gave an apology grimace to Matt. He just shrugged and smiled, motioning her over to the table.

Garcia nodded. “Right, let’s see. Uh, he and his mom arrived there when he was a teenager. He was kicked out for molesting girls. And then he served time in prison in Kentucky.”

“And that’s where he found religion,” Y/N recalled, thinking back to the report she’d studied dozens of times. “So he was reborn as Benjamin Cyrus in Kentucky.” She closed her eyes and flipped through her mental file cabinet, looking for 10:23.

“That’s within the area,” Garcia confirmed. “Maybe that’s where they’re headed?”

“Find out what city he was born in or where he was in prison,” Luke said. “We’ll spread out from there.”

“He found religion,” Y/N repeated, mostly to herself. “Chapter ten, verse twenty-three. 10:23 isn’t a time.” Y/N shook her head and then dragged her hand through her hair. “It’s scripture.”

“Let’s get in the air; we can narrow down which verse and city before we land,” Emily instructed.

⧭⧭⧭

“We’re approaching Kentucky; the pilot needs to know where to touch down,” Rossi informed them.

The team was scattered throughout the jet, scrolling through scripture on their tablets, reading out verses. Y/N held her chin in her hand, eyes unfocused, dragging a net along the furthest corners of her mind.

“Hey guys, listen to this,” JJ said. “Matthew chapter ten, verse twenty-three: ‘When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another.’”

“They’re going to the next town,” Emily said.

“Flee to the next town. But which one?” asked Garcia.

“Their end game is also a new beginning,” Rossi explained. “Cyrus brought religion back to the cult. They’d honor that by wanting to start fresh.”

Y/N raised her head. “Like the Garden of Eden.”

“That’s how 300 fits,” Tara concluded. “That was the number of angels that protected the Garden of Eden. Are there any Edens in Kentucky?”

The sound of Garcia tapping across the keyboard came through the laptop. “Um, no, but there are two synonyms: Canaan and Arcadia.”

“Cyrus is the original messiah. Which one is closer to where he was born?” Y/N asked.

“Arcadia,” Garcia informed them.

Y/N stood up. “That’s where they’re going.”

“Garcia, pull land deeds. I’ll notify SWAT,” Emily instructed.

JJ grabbed Y/N’s hand. “We’re going to get him.”

Y/N met her eyes. “I just hope we’re not too late.”

⧭⧭⧭

The new compound proved easy to find. In the middle of nowhere but illuminated by hundreds of lights, there were rows and rows of tents. The team began strategizing, looking for the best route to Spencer.

Emily tried to convince Y/N, now showing clear concussion symptoms, to stay with the SUVs.

“With all due respect, there is no way in hell that I’m going to sit in this car while Reid gets sacrificed by a homicidal cult leader,” Y/N said. There was a hushed pause, the team exchanging knowing glances.

“Fair enough,” Emily conceded. “Matt and JJ, I want you on the left side. Luke and Tara, the right. Dave and Y/N, you’re with me. We’re clearing every tent; eliminate any threat that would give away your position.” She unholstered her gun and swept her eyes across the team. “Our objective is to extract Reid with minimal loss.”

As they approached the first line of tents, Y/N could faintly hear Spencer speaking. “To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.” Her heart hammered against her ribcage. “A time to be born and a time to die.” She could feel the blood rushing through her ears. “A time to weep and a time to pluck up that which has been planted.”

“Okay, he’s stalling,” Meadows snapped. “That’s enough!”

“All right. Let the sacrifice begin.” That was Merva now, riling up the followers. “Protect us from all harm.”

As Merva led The Believers in a monotone chant, Y/N tried to block it out. She scanned a tent, watched as SWAT took out a bodyguard, looked for Spencer. Rinse and repeat, again and again. It was taking too long.

“And we thank Our Guardian, who will protect this family now and always,” Merva’s voice rang out. “Spencer: keeper of provisions!” Y/N saw the gathering of followers, but she couldn’t see Spencer.

The SWAT commander stopped them. They had reached the final line of tents. He signaled to the leaders on each side. They were ready to strike.

Y/N’s eyes scanned the crowd. She could just barely make out some sort of hanging mobile, white u-shaped decorations suspended from string. The hyoids, she realized, a wave of nausea hitting her like a truck.

Merva continued, “You have given selflessly to others and will be rewarded by the highest honor we could bestow. Your blood will be our blood. Your life will fuel ours.”

A gunshot rang out. The followers gasped. There was a split second of calm before the bedlam. Y/N took a single breath. Then she heard Matt yell; saw John lift his rifle and be felled by a solo shot to the head; watched Luke take down another bodyguard directly after.

And then she saw him. Strapped down under a canopy of bones, Spencer was silent and unmoving. He didn’t struggle. He didn’t call out. And there was Merva, knife in hand— still trying to complete his mission.

She didn’t vacillate, barely breathed, just let her legs carry her forward. She heard Emily call out his name. When Merva turned, the curved blade of the knife poised at the column of Spencer's throat, Y/N’s trigger finger compressed. She felt the gun recoil, felt the force of the shot travel up her arm as she put a single bullet in his chest. As he fell, she didn’t stop, just stepped over him, knew one of the others would take care of it.

She tripped over the small platform Spencer was restrained on, stumbling and holstering her gun. Her hands moved over the straps, loosening the one over his waist, then the ones at his hands, finally pushing the leather from his head. He panted and muttered his thanks, but she didn’t dare speak, afraid that if she did, she’d never be able to stop. Instead, she flung her arms over his shoulders, pulling him down and close and over her heart. She wondered if he could feel the way it pummeled against her chest, because to her it felt like it might smash through at any moment. His arms came around her, chin resting on her shoulder, nose in her hair. She heard him inhale and hold his breath, a mirror of that last moment together in the warehouse. She held onto him as an overboard sailor holds a life ring: single-minded, unrelenting, desperate.

There was a touch on her opposite shoulder and Y/N swung around, adrenaline still racing through her veins. JJ put her hand out in a placating motion, and Y/N came back to herself, allowing JJ to step forward and help Spencer off the platform. Y/N let out a breath and reached a hand out to steady herself, only to flinch when it brushed one of the straps that had held Spencer down. Luke caught her on one side, Tara on the other. She grasped at them, her emotions teetering right along with her physical form. Luke pulled her out from under the macabre canopy and into a hug. Tara held her hand. For the first time since the parking garage, she let herself go.

⧭⧭⧭

The jet was quiet. The team was spread out around the cabin, each of them lost in their own heads. There was a tranquility over the space, one that only ever happened when unmitigated relief overwhelmed even the joy or fulfillment of a life saved.

Y/N sat in one of the single seats, across the aisle from where Spencer was settled. Tara and Luke had finally convinced her to get checked out by the EMTs, who had confirmed her concussion. She convinced herself that the fuzziness on the corners of her vision was just a symptom of that, not a product of the tears she was struggling to hold back.  

The team each stopped by Spencer’s seat, patting his shoulder, squeezing his hand, or in Rossi’s case, gently ruffling his hair. They all spoke briefly in hushed, grateful tones. All except Y/N. She couldn’t formulate a sentence that seemed adequate. There was simultaneously too much and nothing to say. Everything felt contrived or insufficient or intemperate.

Spencer was safe. They hadn’t been too late. He was bruised and undoubtedly sore, but ultimately, he’d been through worse. So why was her heart still aching? Why couldn’t she catch her breath? She hadn’t spoken more than a few words since leaving the raid, so why did her throat feel like it was on fire? She closed her eyes, leaned her head back. She incessantly pressed her hands together, trying to crack her sore knuckles over and over again.

A pair of hands gently closed over her own, stopping the abuse, and she didn’t have to open her eyes to know who they belonged to. His thumbs stroked over the backs of her hands and she cursed the tears that spilled over her bottom lashes. He didn’t say anything, didn’t force her to look at him or acknowledge her shattering. He waited her out, rubbing a rhythm on her skin and steadying her without a word. She opened her eyes but couldn’t bring herself to look at him just yet. Instead she focused on their joined hands, reciprocating the gentle pulses he gave every so often.

She turned her head to wipe her wet cheeks on her shoulder as the landing announcement came over the cabin speaker. She did look at him then, and the emotion in his gaze left her feeling raw and exposed. Their hands reluctantly separated to buckle their seat belts. Y/N closed her eyes again, turning her face into the warmth of the early morning sun as the jet began its descent.

When they landed, everyone wearily shuffled off the plane, eager to get home to their beds. Penelope met them at the elevator, enveloping Spencer in a long hug, the rest of the team smiling at their embrace. They each moved through the bullpen, gathering their things and talking quietly. Y/N’s eyes paused on her bag, brought up from the parking garage by one of the team after she’d gone missing. They lingered for a long moment on the case file, still sitting where she’d left it hours ago, before she let herself let it go. She grabbed her bag and turned to see Spencer standing in the aisle, hands in his pockets and eyes fixed on her.

“Hey,” she said dumbly.

He smiled. “Hi.”

Her hands wrung the straps of her bag. “How—how’re you holding up?”

“I’ve been worse.” He shrugged. “How’s your head?”

“I’ve been worse,” she agreed.

“That’s good. Because I think after all that, the least you could do is give me a ride home,” he joked.

Y/N knew he was trying to reassure her that he was fine, but she couldn’t bring herself to laugh. If anything, his attempts to provide comfort made her feel worse. Because she couldn’t forget the sound of the gunshot at the warehouse, the sight of the knife at his throat, the feeling of nearly losing someone whom she knew she could love if she just had more time. Too exhausted to hide her emotions, she could tell by the change in Spencer’s eyes that the pain was apparent on her face.

“Actually, you probably shouldn’t be driving, even if it’s just a mild concussion. Where are your keys?”

“It’s fine. I’m all ri—” Y/N started.

“I know I phrased that as a question, but I’m not really asking.” He held out his hand.

Normally she would have argued, but she just didn’t have the energy. Y/N dug into her bag, fishing out the keys and dropping them into his hand. He closed his fingers around them and jerked his head toward the door. “Come on,” he murmured. He waved to the rest of the team, and Y/N nodded, avoiding their eyes.

The ride in the elevator was silent. The walk to the car, too. They were pulling out of the garage before Spencer finally broke the silence.

“You know this wasn’t your fault, right?” he asked. Y/N stayed quiet. “We all missed the connection to Liberty Ranch.”

“But I knew something was off, and I didn’t say anything. I— I almost came to find you before I left, and if I had just done that—”

“Y/N,” Spencer interrupted. “The plan was already in motion. Meadows and Merva would have just figured out another way to execute it.” His fingers tightened on the wheel. “And without you and the leads from the warehouse, the team might not have figured it out in time.”

Y/N opened her mouth before realizing she didn’t have a response. She didn’t even want to consider that possibility. She leaned her head against the window, pressing the thumb and fingers of one hand into her eyes to stave off the throbbing.

Graciously, Spencer let her remain in silence the rest of the ride to her apartment. There was so much to say, especially now; she didn’t know where to begin. And even after everything, she couldn’t stop herself from bringing up that wall— protecting herself from what she knew could hurt her more than any unsub.

They pulled onto her street, fairly empty at such an early hour. Spencer parked in front of her apartment, opening the car door and coming around the other side of the car. She expected him to give her the keys, but as she exited the car, he waited by the gate for her. “I’ll walk you up.”

Spencer opened the gate, allowing her to walk through before closing it behind them and following her up the sidewalk. “I need the keys,” she told him.

He shook his head as if to clear it. “Right, right.” He placed them into her outstretched hand, and she wondered if she imagined his fingers lingering over hers.

When they reached her door, she unlocked the deadbolt and swung the door open, stepping over the threshold. He waited outside, hands in his pockets. Y/N rolled her keys in her hand, and Spencer watched them.

“Um— thank you for—” Y/N started.

“I told Emily on the jet, and I’ll tell you now.” Spencer raised his eyes to meet hers. There was that look again, the one she couldn’t quite identify. “I’ve always had a hard time saying what I feel. And maybe sometimes it’s because I’m afraid of being disappointed. But sometimes it’s because the words I’m looking for don’t exist in the English language.”

“Spence—”

“Please just let me get this out,” he said. “There have been a couple moments over the past few months where I thought maybe we were sharing mamihlapinatapei.”

“Mamih what?” Y/N asked.

“Mamihlapinatapei.” He repeated, gesturing with his hands. “It’s a Yagan word that originates on the Tierra del Fuego archipelago off the southern tip of Argentina. It translates succinctly as ‘the wordless, meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to do so.’”

“Oh.” Y/N felt a flush rising up in her cheeks.

Suddenly, Spencer couldn’t meet her eyes. “I, um—I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize our friendship or make things awkward at work. But last night, I… I just— I’ve had too many moments in my life where I thought it might be my last, and I hadn’t said all the things I needed to say.” He met her eyes again, and there was that familiar storm. “Last night I was out of time, and I hadn’t told you how I feel, and I realized that I wouldn’t get another chance, and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but I needed to—”

Y/N stepped forward, grabbed the front of his shirt, and crashed their mouths together. She tried to pour everything into the kiss: every blush, every worry, every laugh, every panicked moment, every mamihlapinatapei. Spencer cradled her face in his hands, opening his mouth and capturing her bottom lip, accepting everything she gave him. She wound one of her hands into his hair, pulling him impossibly closer and grounding herself to this new reality that almost wasn’t. The height of the kiss tapered off, and Y/N drew back, untangling her fingers from his hair and her heart from his grasp. Spencer watched her carefully, honey eyes uncertain.

“I do. Feel the same,” Y/N confirmed. Spencer’s lips twitched. “I’m not good at vulnerability. I’ve got a great track record of getting hurt.” Spencer grabbed her hand and opened his mouth, but Y/N continued, “But then I thought we might lose you, that time was out, and that I— I wouldn’t get the chance to see if you could be— if this could be more.” She gestured between them and then met his eyes again. “And I guess being vulnerable isn’t so bad in comparison. Because I think I could fall in love with you. I think maybe it’s already happening.” She held her breath and pressed her lips together, fighting the regret of saying too much.  

“Actually, there’s a word for that, too.” Spencer smiled, warm and soft and genuine. “Forelsket. The origin is Norwegian, and it roughly translates to ‘the euphoria experienced as you begin to fall in love.’”

“Forelsket?” Y/N asked.

“Well, it’s more like forelsket,” Spencer corrected.

“Wow, okay, 187.” Y/N laughed for the first time in what felt like days. “Forelsket.”

“Better,” Spencer praised. “There’s also the Tagalog version, kilig.”

Y/N took a step closer to him and smoothed his shirt where her hands had wrinkled it. “Translation?”

“‘The sudden feeling of an inexplicable joy one gets when something romantic happens,’ or alternatively ‘the feeling of butterflies in your stomach.’” Spencer moved his hand to her waist and stepped over the threshold.

Y/N cupped his cheek in her hand, soothing the bruises and guiding him back to her. “Yeah. Sounds about right.”

#spencer reid #spencer x reader #spencer x y/n #spencer x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfic #dr spencer reid #spencer reid angst #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds self insert #criminal minds #homoose writes

[procrastinatingnerd]

Hi everyone! So this was my first time taking part in the @osemanversebigbang but I had so much fun!! I can't wait to read everyone's entries! 💜

Title: Angel Rahimi And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Lunch Break

Characters: Angel, Juliet, Rowan, Jimmy, Lister, Bliss, two of Angel’s future uni friends (OCs).

Spoilers? Minor spoilers of important events in “I Was Born For This”.

Word Count: 3.6k

Ships: Bicci, one joke about Juliet/Rowan.

~Joan of Arc (Probably)

“I am so fucking tired”

“Right, time’s up, put your pens down.” The exam officer says from the front of the room. I scribble one last sentence before my hand gives out, and I all but throw my pen onto the desk, sighing as dramatically as I can. This week is a fucking nightmare. Exams and assignments are the piss. Fuck uni, I’m ready to drop out. Or drop dead. Either works, honestly.

As I leave the exam hall, I walk past some people from the students’ union. They’re handing out flyers for the Christmas ball next week. My housemates are all planning on going, but my friends and I planned our present swap for that night, so we’re going to spend it eating a fuck ton of snacks and watching the cheesiest Christmas films we can find. I can’t wait, I bought them each a bag of their favourite sweets from the American candy shop, it's going to be so much fun!

But that’s next week. Right now, all I want is to sit at a table that doesn’t have an exam paper on it, and eat something very greasy and very unhealthy. There’s a pizza place just on the edge of campus, run by some of the culinary arts students, and they make the best sauce ever. It’s pretty cheap too, which makes it a favourite for most people, especially at the end of a semester, when everyone’s bank accounts are running low.

I have about an hour until I need to be back in the exam hall, so I take full advantage of the outdoor seating and collapse into a chair after ordering. My pizza is brought out to me not long after, and I breathe in the smell. Nothing has smelt more gorgeous than the slices sitting in front of me. It’s a surprisingly warm day, for December at least, and for a moment, everything feels calm. I can hear a bird singing in a tree somewhere, other students are hanging around campus, most with their noses in their phones or in textbooks, and I actually let myself relax for a bit. I’ve done all the revision I can for this next exam, and I’m in desperate need of a break. I deserve this.

I pick up my first slice of pizza, and bring it up to my mouth. As I’m about to take a bite, however, my phone rings. I put the pizza down with a sigh and answer the phone without looking at who’s calling. Mum probably sensed I wasn’t doing any work, and is calling to check up on me.

“Hello?” I say tiredly.

“Angel, hi! Is this a good time??” I grin at the sound of Juliet’s voice.

“Hell yeah, it’s a perfect time! What’s up?”

“Wait, you don’t know why I’m calling?” Juliet says hesitantly. Shit. What have I forgotten now? I know it’s not her birthday. Wait, is it mine?? I swear exams rot your brain, have I actually forgotten my own birthday?

“No…?” I ask after internally monologuing for way too long.

“Oh my god, you don’t know??” Juliet screeches in my ear, “Angel go look at your phone, it’s urgent!”

Now very concerned, I put Juliet on speaker and, for the first time all morning, actually read the notifications filling my lock screen. I open the Twitter news one, and my mouth drops open in shock.

“Holy shit.”

On my screen is a news article with a headline that reads, “THE ARK’S JIMMY KAGA-RICCI AND LISTER BIRD’S SECRET RELATIONSHIP EXPOSED”, and just below it sits a large photo of Jimmy and Lister, standing outside a pub, kissing. I don’t believe it.

“Holy fu- Hold on a second. Mate, isn’t that the pub by Piero’s house?!” I say, bringing my phone as close to my face as I can, as if that’ll help me see better. There’s a loud shuffling noise on the other end of the line, and then I hear a gasp.

“Oh my god, you’re right!” Juliet says. “Rowan said they were going on holiday, but I thought he meant abroad or something.” I smile at that. Ever since our little jaunt to Kent last summer, Juliet and I have kept in touch with the boys. We even have a group chat now; us and them and even Bliss is in it. I’m so glad we stayed friends.

At first, Rowan was really quiet, and if he did speak he and Juliet would almost always end up arguing, but they’ve been getting along quite well lately. I’m not saying I ship it or anything, I’ve learnt my lesson there, but I have to say, fangirl-to enemies-to lovers would make a wicked fanfiction trope.

“Did you see any of this coming?” Juliet continues. “Surely Jimmy would have said something to you?”

“He said he was dating someone, but didn’t want to give details because they were taking things slow. Well, that and that celebrity phone hacking scandal freaked him right the fuck out, remember?” I say.

"That's

right, he stopped talking on the group chat for like two weeks, didn’t he?” Juliet giggles back. “Well, nevertheless, I’m happy for them. They’re cute together.”

“Yeah, they are.” I grin again. “Oh my god, poor Rowan though! I’d hate to live with a couple, especially a new one! It’d be nauseating.”

“Oh I know, right? And imagine what’ll happen when they have their first fight!” Juliet gasps again. I shudder at the thought.

“I’m muting the group chat when that happens.” I joke.

“Not a bad idea.” Juliet laughs back, then pauses. “Oh, Angel, I’m sorry I’ve got the get going, but do you want to skype later?”

“Yeah, no problem! I’ve got a revision session at 6, but I should be free by 9ish?”

“Sounds perfect! See you then!” Juliet says, and with that, she’s gone, and I’m back to sitting alone with my pizza.

Jimmy and Lister. Holy shit. I don’t think anyone in the fandom saw this coming. Everything has been about Jowan, since the fandom started growing it’s the only ship that ever existed. No one bothered writing fics about any other pairings. The only Jimmy/Lister fics I ever came across were platonic ones, and even they made sure to mention Jimmy’s boyfriend Rowan.

Oh god, I hope they’re okay. The fans got so crazy when Bliss and Rowan’s relationship was exposed. Jimmy/Lister is the final nail in the Jowan coffin. Jimmy must be having the panic attack of his life! I’ve got to-

My phone rings again.

I look down at the screen, and see Jimmy’s name. I take a deep breath, and answer.

“Jimmy, hi! How are-”

“Have you seen it??”

“Yes.”

“Oh god. This isn’t how we wanted to tell you guys.”

“You sure? Because getting caught by the national press worked so well for you last time.” I tease. Silence. Oops, probably not the best thing to remind him of right now.

“Jimmy, you still there?” I say carefully. There’s a slight rustle on his end, which means he probably just nodded. “Everything is going to be fine, I promise. The fans will move on. They already did with Jowan, right?”

“But what if something happens again? Something like-”

“It won’t. You guys have better security now, and you’re doing less public events. You’re going to be fine.” I hope and pray that I’m saying the right things. Jimmy and I have gotten close lately, but I’m nowhere near as good at helping him deal with his anxiety as Rowan and Lister are. There’s more silence, until finally, Jimmy speaks again.

“Okay. Yeah. Yeah I think you’re right. Thanks, Angel.”

“Course I’m right! If there’s one thing I know, it’s fandom drama.” Jimmy laughs, and I grin back. “And don’t forget, you’re not alone in this. This is happening to Lister too, and no doubt Rowan and Bliss will be there to help you. Just talk to them.”

“Thank you Angel, I’ll go do that now.”

“Perfect! Love you Jim, I’ll text you later.” I say, and the call ends.

He’ll be okay. He’s got too many people who love him not to be. I take another breath and put my phone down on the table. As soon as I do, however, it buzzes again, and I see Jimmy is trying to facetime me. Now very concerned, I answer it and hold the phone up so he can see my face properly.

“Jimmy, are you okay, what’s happened??” I ask anxiously, but he looks fine. He looks at me with a confused expression.

“Nothing, I’m just talking to the others, like you said.” He says. It’s only me and him on the call. I stare at him in silence for a moment.

“Jimmy, mate… I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not any of them” I say slowly, and to my surprise, Jimmy laughs.

“Yeah I know, but I was kind of hoping to have you here, too, if that’s okay?” He says sheepishly. “It’s okay if you’re busy, it’s just that… I don’t know, you’re good with this stuff and you make me feel calm? Sorry, I know that’s a lot to just dump on you.” Jimmy doesn’t look at me directly, and I start to feel tears in my eyes.

“Well damn, Jim, I guess if you truly love me that much, I can stick around for a bit.” I laugh, and quickly glance at the time. “My lunch break is only halfway over, anyway, so I have plenty of time to hang out while you talk to the others.”

Jimmy seems to let out a breath, like he’d been holding it, and grins.

Just as I’m about to start talking again, I hear a ping, and Lister’s face appears on screen, followed by Rowan and Bliss.

“Hey Jimjam, you okay?” Rowan asks, looking as calm as ever. “Oh hey Angel.” He adds. I give him an awkward smile.

“Wait, Angel's here?” Bliss interrupts before Jimmy can answer. “Nice, how’s the week from hell going? Didn’t think we’d hear from you until you’d made it through.”

“Yeah it’s rough, but I’m getting there. This is a welcome distraction though.” I grin at her.

“So you’ve seen the pictures then. They look good, right?” Lister chimes in, before correcting himself. “I mean, it’s horrible they found us, fucking pricks, but you’ve got to admit we look good.”

“You can be so self-centred sometimes.” Bliss laughs.

“Come on Lister, this isn’t a joke.” Rowan chides him.

“Well, I guess he isn’t wrong..” Jimmy mumbles nervously and I see him smile a bit.

“See, Jimmy agrees with me!” Lister argues back at Rowan, who rolls his eyes.

“It’s still not something to laugh about.” Rowan says firmly. “Cecily’s already on damage control, cancelling some events, beefing up the security at others, and giving the tabloids hell. She’s also let your grandad know, Jimmy.”

“Wait, aren’t you guys all down there already?” I ask, confused.

“Nah we got back last night. That picture was taken when we went out for lunch the other day. Took their time printing it.” Lister says.

“Probably needed time to pad out their articles. Seriously, how can they write so many pages about two people dating?” Bliss adds.

“Probably whining about how Jowan is now well and truly dead.” Rowan rolls his eyes again. “Although I have to say, I’m pretty happy about that part.” I cringe slightly as he says that. I will never not regret being one of the Jowan fangirls.

“So Cecily’s already got a plan? That’s good, that’s a bit of a relief.” Jimmy speaks up, looking visibly more relaxed than he had sounded over the phone earlier.

“Yeah she’s got it sorted, so we can start planning our Christmas party!” Lister says, making the others groan.

“Lister what the hell makes you think we should be throwing a massive fucking party right now?!” Rowan says, his voice growing louder. Lister goes quiet, looking like he wants to shrink into his seat, before eventually speaking up again.

“Look, it doesn’t have to be anything big, I just mean… Angel, you’re gonna be in London with Juliet, right? Come over, drag Bliss with you, Jimmy can invite his grandad, Rowan you can bring Jade, and there you go, that’s our party!”

“That’s...actually a good idea.” Rowan says, surprised.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun!” Jimmy adds.

“I’m up for it, Angel, do you think Juliet will wanna come?” Bliss says.

“Hell yeah she would, let’s do it!” I reply with a massive smile on my face. Partying with Bliss and the boys sounds like the best way to spend my Christmas London trip. I’ll make sure to tell Juliet about it when I talk to her later. As I start planning all the food I’m going to bring over, and wondering what the boys’ flat will look like at Christmas, the conversation starts up again.

“You sure you’re doing alright, Jimmy? I can come back home if you need me to.” Rowan says, focusing things on the issue at hand again.

“No no, don’t worry, stay with your family. They’d kill me if I made you miss out on spending time with them.” Jimmy jokes. “I’ve got Lister here, and Cecily’s number if I need it. My head isn’t giving me too much grief right now, anyway.”

“Wait, Lister, you’re there with him?” Bliss asks.

“Yeah, check it out!” Lister says, before picking up his phone and moving. He takes us out of what I think was his room, through a hallway and comes out into a large living room, where we can see Jimmy on a sofa looking at his phone. “Say hi to the chat, Jim!”

Everyone laughs as Jimmy gives an awkward wave to Lister’s phone. Lister then hangs up and launches himself into view of Jimmy’s screen, and the two shuffle about until they’re practically sitting on top of each other, faces

squished together so the tiny phone camera captures them both. I hate how cute they look together.

“Alright, if you’re sure, Jimmy,” Rowan says, smiling for probably the first time this whole call.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Jimmy smiles back. “This whole situation is terrifying, and I’m more than ready to hide in my room and not see another mad fangirl for the rest of my life, but... if I did that we’d never get to hang out with Angel again.” He finishes, biting his lip as if unsure of whether or not the joke will hit.

“Uh..ouch!” I clap my hand on top of my heart dramatically and laugh, while the others join in. “I’ll have you know I’ve abandoned my fangirl ways. Mostly. Sort of. Okay, not completely but I’m not shipping real people anymore, so that’s something, right?!”

Lister is giving Jimmy a look of what I can only assume is pride for making a decent joke during a time of peak anxiety, Rowan has his head in his hands, probably contemplating his life choices now that Lister seems to be rubbing off on Jimmy, and Bliss still looks shocked that such a joke came out of Jimmy’s mouth, not Lister’s. When things calm down again, I check the time and speak up again.

“Well this has been fun Jim, but I’m afraid I have mad fangirl duties to be getting back to. Shrines to build, fanfiction to write, you know how it is.” I say sarcastically.

“Thanks again, Angel, for being here, and listening. And you’d better be right about that fandom drama.” Jimmy laughs again, although this time I see his smile falter a bit.

“Hey, look at me,” I say, moving as close to the screen as I can without squishing my face on it. “Things will settle down before you know it, in the meantime, we’re all here for you. You’re not alone in this.” Rowan and Bliss nod in agreement, and I see Lister hug Jimmy closer. Jimmy takes a breath and nods as well.

“Thanks Angel. And good luck with your exam. We’ll see you over the holidays.” He smiles.

“Yeah you got this Angel, go smash it!” Bliss chimes in, giving me a thumbs up and a grin. I say one last goodbye to them all, and hang up.

I look back down at my pizza, still uneaten. I need to stop letting myself get distracted during phone calls. I can eat and talk to my friends at the same time. I’m usually a master at it.

“Fereshteh!” I look up again. Either I’m going loony, or someone just said-

“FERESHTEH!” I turn around and see Mollie and Christina barrelling towards me, with the most excitement I’ve ever seen on a students’ face during exam season. They crash into my table and both start talking at once.

“Have you seen??”

“Did you know??”

“How long have they been together?!”

“Oh my god is this why you won’t tell us about what happened in Kent?!”

“Woah, easy on the interrogation! Seriously, you guys need to work on your interview skills.” I put my hands up in surrender and laugh. Mollie rolls her eyes at me.

“So? Did they tell you or what?” She asks again. I roll my eyes back at her.

“You know I don’t want to tell you guys anything about the boys. They trust me, and I’m not going to fuck that up because of some shit a tabloid prints.”

“How dare you appeal to our morality and ethics, we want gossip dammit!” Christina giggles, lightly banging her fist down on the table.

“Then stick to the Twitter pages.” I stick my tongue out at her. Mollie and Christina are two of my housemates, and are part of the Ark fandom. I never planned on telling them about Kent, but they figured out who I was thanks to the pictures of me and Jimmy on the train. I didn’t think you could tell it was me, but fangirls are like master detectives. They figured it out in less than a week. They haven’t told anyone though, they’re good mates.

“So how are you feeling about all of this? Whether you knew or not, having it out in the press like this is a lot to handle, especially after last time.” Mollie says, now in serious mode.

“It is a lot, definitely, but they’ll be fine. They’ve had this happen before and they know what to expect from the fans. I just wish I could be there for them.” I say, sitting back in my chair.

“I get

that, it must suck that you guys are so far apart now.” Christina chimes in.

“I mean it’s not like we ever lived close to each other before. The only reason we even crossed paths over the summer was because I was staying with a friend. But yeah, being away from them all is kind of hard sometimes.” I sigh dramatically, making Mollie and Christina grin.

“Are you going to visit them over Christmas?” Christina asks.

“I’m definitely going to visit my friend in London again, for a day or two, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to see the boys.” I quickly lie. “They cut back on public events but they’re still really busy most of the time. And this,” I gesture to my phone “definitely won’t help.”

“We’ll keep an eye on fandom updates for you, and try to shut any mentions of Jowan down,” Mollie says, reaching across the table and giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I squeeze hers back and give her a grateful smile. I mostly stopped interacting with the fandom after meeting the boys, reading fanfiction, and discussing theories with other fans just feels weird and creepy to do when the people you’re talking about are your friends. So it’s nice that I have Mollie and Christina looking out for them, and doing what I can’t. Christina has a pretty big following on Tumblr, and Mollie’s a Twitter ace, so I trust them to hold their ground with the fandom.

“Okay, you don’t have to give us any details, but genuinely, what do you think of Lister and Jimmy as a couple? Because I don’t think the fandom could handle a breakup.” Christina says after a while, making me laugh.

“Pfft, yeah I don’t think the boys could handle a breakup, either.” I smile. “But honestly? I think they’ll be good for each other. Lister is good at helping Jimmy relax and step out of his anxiety bubble, and Jimmy can help reign in Lister’s chaotic energy. Plus they’re freaking cute together, I mean just look at this picture!” I finish, gesturing dramatically to my phone again.

“They are so cute!” Mollie nods in agreement. “I’m actually shocked no one thought to ship them together before.”

“That’s the Jowan storm, for you,” Christina adds. “Can’t believe we ever shipped that.”

“So gross.” I shudder at the thought. Suddenly the alarm I’d set this morning went off, making us all jump.

“What’s that?” Mollie asks. I check the screen and practically leap out of my seat.

“Oh shit, my exam starts in 10 minutes!” I say, gathering my stuff up as quickly as I can. I say my goodbyes to Mollie and Christina and start running back across campus to the exam hall.

I make it just in time, much to the invigilator’s chagrin, check my bag in at the desk at the back of the hall, and collapse into my assigned seat. The exam starts, and it’s only when it does that my stomach reminds me that I never actually ate lunch. Shit.

I start to silently scold myself for being so stupid, when my mind starts drifting to the video chat with Jimmy and the others. He and Lister looked so comfortable with each other. Makes sense, they've known each other for so long. But even still, Jimmy looked so much happier once Lister sat down with him, and Lister himself practically seemed at home with Jimmy’s arms wrapped around him. I smile at my exam paper.

I’m so happy for them.

#osemanverse #i was born for this #iwbft #bicci #angel rahimi #jimmy kaga ricci #lister bird #juliet schwartz #bliss lai