#wish i didnt have to explain the ways i hated my body to prove that im Totally Really Transgender | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

devildomwriter · 2 years

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Obey Me As Tumblr #13

Leviathan: Secondhand embarrassment is pure agony and I wish a lot of comedy didn’t rely on it

I cannot deal with it, I have to literally leave the room

Solomon: It’s a sign of being extremely empathetic

Leviathan: Thanks! I hate it. How do I uninstall?

•

Solomon:

Depression tips

• kill the gods and eat their flesh to rise above human chemicals into horrifying immortality

Raphael: We need to talk

•

Simeon: Still don’t really understand how some people have trouble just being nice

Mephistopheles: Oh my gosh you’re such a nice person. Hey everybody come look at how much of a good person this is.

Simeon: I literally cannot comprehend how you got offended by this but thanks for proving my point anyway

•

Belphegor: When I get comfortable with people I start using them as pillows and foot rests

Beelzebub: When I get used as a pillow or foot rest I feel loved

Simeon: I am both of these people

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Satan:

You know how there’s a theory that no two people see color the same way.

Does that mean color is like

A pigment of your imagination

Mephistopheles: YOU FUCKING DIDNT

Simeon: Huehuehue

Leviathan: #even that fucking laugh is a pun #i hate you all

•

Asmodeus: I’M HOME ALONE AND MY FAMILY FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE PAINTING OUR HOUSE SO I’VE BEEN REENACTING LES MIS AND I JUST VIOLENTLY THREW OPEN THE WINDOW TO YELL ‘CANNONS’ AND THE POOR GUY NEARLY FELL OFF HIS STEPLADDER

Asmodeus: DONT YOU DARE REBLOG THIS I MIGHT GET SUED

•

Leviathan: Sometimes I wake up with a very urgent thought on my mind and it’s usually pretty dumb like ‘je suis un pomme’ or ‘root beer fairytales’ but this morning I woke up and sat there for a second and all I could think was

Tis I,

The frenchiest fry

•

Belphegor: I am decayed. My lungs are full of thorns and mildew, my bones are held together by vines. I am fragile, be gentle with my corpse.

Lucifer: Get out of bed you’re going to school whether you like it our not.

Belphegor: I refuse.

•

Mammon: OMG so I just figured out the word “hurt” is past, present, and future. You will be hurt. You are hurt. You were hurt.

BECAUSE IF SOMETHING TRULY HURT, IT NEVER REALLY STOPS

Belphegor: you poetic little shit

Satan: It’s because…. It’s an adjective….

Lucifer: You will be stupid.

You are stupid.

You were stupid.

•

Mammon: Therapy got a drive-thru or summ?

MC: Welcome to shrink in a box can I take your disorder?

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Leviathan: Why the fuck does English have a word for the act of throwing someone out a window, defenestration, but not for the day after tomorrow

Satan: Because you’re not looking hard enough

Overmorrow = the day after tomorrow

Ereyesterday = the day before yesterday

Example: I defenestrated my younger brother yesterday. I shall defenestrate my older brother overmorrow! Because I hate my family and also windows!

•

Satan: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.

Asmodeus: My favorite explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call

Lucifer: It’s called connotations

Asmodeus: Try this one on for size:

“Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”

“Sorry, daddy, I’ve been naughty.”

Raphael: Great news! Language is now banned

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Leviathan: Helpful grammar tip! Farther is for physical distance, further is for metaphorical distance, and father is for emotional distance!

Simeon: Who hurt you?

Leviathan: My father did you not read the post

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Beelzebub: Isn’t it weird how you can actually feel pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings

Solomon: This is actually because it activates your vagus nerve! Basically your body goes “we are so upset! We must be injured! Where???? On the inside guts! Those are confusing and hard to differentiate!!! Confusing guts are hurt!”

Leviathan: Great! How do I uninstall it?

•

Satan: Part of new internet grammar. Using question marks not to denote questions but upturns in voice, so that a tentative statement gets a question mark but a flatly delivered question doesn’t.

Mammon: Why would you do this

Leviathan: It just seems right?

•

Mammon: In a constant state of ‘how dare you assume I know what I’m doing’ but also ‘don’t you dare question me or what I’m doing’

Leviathan: “I have no idea what I’m doing and you can’t stop me.”

Simeon: Artists and writers have a lot to say about this post

•

Mammon: Why my hand shaky?

Barbatos: Your Skelton is ready to hatch

Mammon: This is so fucking ominous thank you

•

Asmodeus: Life is a highway

Asmodeus: Explain

Asmodeus: Wanna ride it all night long

Lucifer: Why did you reply to yourself?

Asmodeus: I refuse to share the spotlight but I like the meme format

•

Beelzebub: I haven’t ate anything since 11 bruh I’m starving

Thirteen: Damn an u how old now?

#obey me shall we date #funny obey me #obey me as tumblr #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me simeon #obey me diavolo #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me solomon #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me barbatos #obey me luke #obey me raphael #obey me mephistopheles #obey me thirteen

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kitgundy · 2 months

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DYSPHORIA

Mom, do you know how much of a nightmare it is?

Looking down at my body and feeling like something’s wrong

Looking back and examining and reexamining my past thoughts, my past beliefs

Realizing I’m a boy and no matter how much I try to deny it I always have been

I’m a boy. I’m a boy, <DEADNAME> isn’t a boy name. I’m not a FUCKING SHE. I AM NOT A SHE AND MY NAME ISNT <DEADNAME> PLEASE GOD JUST STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THOSE THINGS YOU TELL ME TO STOP TELLING YOU TO STOP, YOU TELL ME IT HURTS YOU WHEN I TELL YOU TO STOP, YOU SAY ITS BECAUSE OF MY TONE WHEN I TELL YOU BUT IT HAS BEEN FUCKI YEARS AND YOU HAVENT EVEN TRIED DO YOU KNOW HOW MCH THAT HURTS ME?

I can’t even explain how tiring it is that you look at me and you don’t see me for who I am. You see a girl who doesn’t know herself. You see a stupid little girl who is following a trend. IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW I DONT FUCKING FOLLOW TRENDS MOM!!!! It isn’t a fucking phase! I thought I was just non-binary and I told you back then. And I wish I hadn’t, because I was still confused about what I was and I went about it aggressively and that isn’t how you tell people how you really feel because then they’ll never believe you.

You will never believe me when I tell you who I am. I don’t know if I hate you for it or if I can just ignore it so I can still love you. It’s both. I have to ignore the way you see me so I can love you in a way that works. I hate when you talk about me to other people because I know the words you will speak, I know the name you will use, and I try to brace myself but it still hurts more every fucking time.

God, I wish I was just born a boy. I wish I was born and raised like a boy. I wish I had a dick. I wish I had a deep voice. I wish I had facial hair, I want to look at myself in the mirror, I want to look in the mirror and not see a stranger looking back at me.

I don’t know what to do. Whenever I try to explain what I want to be (a gender non conforming guy but also just some guy), you butt in and say “why not be a gender non conforming girl?”

BECAUSE I TRIED THAT AND IT DIDNT WORK. I LOVE MYSELF AND I LOVE MY BODY BUT I AM ALSO IN THE WRONG BODY AND THERES MEDICAL WAYS TO FIX THAT BUT IF I TRY TO DO THAT UNDER YOUR ROOF I AM TWRRIFIED OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME. And GOD I am terrified of doing the medical treatments too, because I am one bad politician away from my entire life being ruined when I do go on those. There’s already a lot of states I cannot safely go to or live in. I can’t fucking visit my grandmother in Florida because I am TERRIFIED of how I would be treated there. I am TERRIFIED of the politics there.

And yeah, sure, maybe I wouldn’t visit that grandmother anyway, sue me. I know there’s gotta be somewhere you got your beliefs from and I’m willing to bet it’s not just the church, but also her. God I hope it’s her and not just you absorbing the church’s ideals like a sponge, because I KNOW you’re smarter than that. And I KNOW childhood beliefs can be challenged and changed, but there’s a sinking feeling in my heart that it isn’t just childhood beliefs. There’s a sinking feeling that that church is part of why you’re not a safe space for me.

And I am so scared, because I know when I move out, I am going to double down. I’m a man. I’m a boy. I always have been. I always will be. I don’t know how to explain it, you try to explain why you’re a woman without saying it’s because of your body. Tell me why your spirit is a woman without saying “I don’t know”. What exactly is your connection with womanhood?

I’ll tell you my connection with manhood. When I was a little kid, I didn’t think about this stuff. But I thought it would be REALLY cool to do things in a boy way. I tried and failed multiple times to stand up to pee, just to prove I could. I didn’t even really care about the stereotypes, I just thought it’d be cool to be a boy.

I remember years later, I was sitting in front of the old TV, staring at the screen after starting a new save on Pokémon Ruby. I was wondering if I should pick the boy option. Part of me REALLY wanted to pick the boy option.

But I was scared. Why was I scared? Had my mind already been poisoned with subconscious hatred, even at such a young age? I don’t know. I just know when I heard someone nearby, I picked the girl option- out of FEAR. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t pick the boy option. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.

I didn’t think about these things back then, didn’t realize being a boy was an option- in fact, I thought it was dangerous. I considered myself boyish, sure. I wasn’t a tomboy, but tomboy fit what I thought I was, I thought I was a girl who felt weirdly.. boy.

My breasts started to grow. I had been excited for them at first, but when they actually grew, I hated them. I didn’t know why. I just wanted to hide them. I wanted them gone. I was excited, so why was I feeling like this?

Why did I hate the way my body was changing?

Must just be normal puberty, right? Everyone hates their bodies changing like this. And besides, the breasts came with periods, and periods suck. So maybe I was just hating puberty as a whole.

The feeling didn’t go away. It just got worse and worse and worse.

I grew up. And then I found out what trans means. And then I did research. And then I picked a fight with you, telling you I’m non-binary.

Because that’s what I thought I was. I had never had time to really think about it, after all. I wasn’t a girl, but I couldn’t be a boy, right? “Boys are gross and ugly and annoying and I don’t want to be that so I can’t be a boy. Besides, trans is too strong of a word for what I feel,” that’s what I thought.

And time went on. And I matured. And I realized that, yes, I am a boy. A girlish boy, maybe, a genderfuck boy who wants to wear dresses AND suits, but he will NEVER be recognized as a boy when he does wear a dress because his body doesn’t match his soul.

The more I grow, the more I realize:

My body wasn’t meant for me and I wasn’t meant for this body.

My voice in my head is lower than how it comes out. My face itches for lack of facial hair, my whole body itches for lack of hair. Long hair feels suffocating, blinding. I can’t even bear to look at my chest anymore, can barely bear to touch it.

And it HURTS every time I look in the mirror, every time I speak.

But not NEARLY as much as it hurts to hear that name.

I chose the name Kris because it was convenient. <DEADNAME> and Kris both start with a K. They’re both four letters. And, unlike <DEADNAME>, NOBODY is going to say the name Kris wrong, and nobody is gonna SEE the name Kris and assume it’s a girl’s name.

I chose the name Kris, and my pronouns fluctuated, but my name stayed the same. For TWO YEARS it stayed the same.

And yet you still keep calling me <DEADNAME>. You keep calling me a DAUGHTER. You keep calling me a SHE.

It HURTS.

And honestly? I wish you just wouldn’t call for me at all at this point.

I love you. But I can only handle you in small amounts, and only when we’re alone, because when you talk about me, you use words that drive straight into my soul.

I am not a FUCKING girl.

Girls are awesome. They’re great. Girls are beautiful, and wonderful, and I love girls.

It’s just.. I’m not one. I never was.

And I don’t know how you can’t see that.

Don’t you remember? The times when I was a kid, when I would try to stand up to pee? Don’t you know how much I wished to be a brother too? I made being the only daughter my personality, but that’s because I didn’t know I could be anything else.

Didn’t you see how much I tried to reject femininity?

One day, I said I hate the color pink. I said I hate it with a passion, I spat vicious vitriol at such a pretty color.

I was wearing a pink jacket.

Years later, I look back and I see a confused, hurting.. I’m not sure what I was.

Honestly.. I don’t think I was a boy then. I mean, I was ALWAYS a boy deep down, but at the time, I didn’t KNOW that, and I was trying REALLY HARD to just be a girl but not like other girls(?), so I’m not really sure what I was then.

I just know I wasn’t a girl. And some part of me deep down knew that, and was VICIOUSLY attacking everything feminine I did and liked in an attempt to distance myself from it all.

I hate that you can’t recognize that.

I love you, and I love the name <DEADNAME>, it’s such a nice name, really. I love women, they’re so wonderful and deserving of all the best (deserving of much better than society gives them, really).

But I’m not <DEADNAME>. I’m not your daughter, I’m not a she.

I will probably burst into tears if you ever call me your son. And I am TERRIFIED. Because I KNOW you will take that the wrong way, use it as yet another reason I’m just confused.

I’m not. I think YOURE confused.

You tell me statistics aren’t good to use but good GOD, the statistics I use are REAL. They’re from STUDIES. If you can’t use real FUCKING numbers, what the hell else are you supposed to do?

I don’t know what to do. It hurts more to talk to you every day because it’s getting worse and worse the longer I spend in a body that doesn’t fit with a voice that doesn’t match, and YOU aren’t helping.

I’m so, so tired of being seen as something I’m not. I’m so tired of fantasizing and dreaming about being seen for who I am and then being reminded that wouldn’t be safe.

I’m tired of you. I love you, but you make me so, so tired.

So forgive me if I got too snappish when I corrected you. Holding in the corrections is only serving to hurt me, and I don’t feel safe around you anymore.

Honestly, I doubt I ever did.

I don’t remember the last time I had a genuine conversation with you that ended where you understood me. You look at me and you see this wayward child, this lost sheep. You don’t try to understand ME, you only try to make me understand YOU.

Well, guess what? I am an ADULT HUMAN MAN. Your god will NEVER be mine, he has HURT ME. I’m not a sixteen year old trapped in a nineteen year old body, I am NINETEEN and AUTISTIC. I'm not maturing the way you thought I would because school and everything in my life burnt me out and people hurt me, so I didn’t get to emotionally mature when I should have, and I’m picking up the pieces left behind by that trauma now but that doesn’t mean I’m not an adult. I still feel too overwhelmed by the world to live on my own but I am an ENTIRE ADULT and you need to REALIZE that. I know I’m still young and stupid, but that doesn’t make me not an adult. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT ME AND SEE AN ADULT.

Oh, and on your religion? I’m not a lost sheep, I am a WOLF who will EAT your Shepard.

Because I was a blue sheep.

I was a blue sheep who was painted pink, and the flock said “Our Shepard loves you no matter what color you are!”

But when I showed my colors, the flock turned away. Averted their eyes and avoided me.

And you did too.

And that shepard never said a word to me, never even noticed when I was left behind.

The meaner ones in the flock even called me a wolf. So you know what I did? I grew fangs.

You know what? Part of me wants to bite you- that is to say, to keep correcting you. You take that as a bite? Fine. I will fucking bite, until you bleed enough that you decide enough is enough.

You can choose whether you distance yourself from me or actually start referring to me by my name, by my pronouns. You can respect me or you can leave.

I don’t care.

I hate you. I love you, but I hate you so much.

I don’t even hate you, actually. I’m just hurt. I’m so hurt and angry and I feel so guilty for feeling this way.

I didn’t choose to be a blue sheep. I didn’t choose to get turned into a wolf. The flock thought of me as one and that’s what I became.

I never asked for this.

I never asked for you to adopt me. I never asked to be put with someone who can’t understand.

Why don’t you understand?

WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND!?

WHY DON’T I UNDERSTAND!!!???

I DO UNDERSTAND!!! You don’t know how to understand. Because you only look at one side.

The church’s side.

Your God’s side.

I want to kill your god.

So many of my problems would be solved if he never existed. So many of my problems wouldn’t exist if Joseph Smith didn’t exist.

Maybe I wouldn’t be alive today.

Or maybe fate has a way, and our family would have been together somehow anyway, and maybe you’d care for me the way you do for my brothers. Maybe you’d stop seeing me as your daughter.

If I was born a boy, maybe I’d be your weird gay GNC son.

Please call me your son.

PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON.

I LOVE YOU PLEASE, I BEG YOU ON MY FUCKING HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON IM YOUR SON I AM YOUR FUCKING SON PLEASE CALL ME YOUR

#tw dysphoria #unsupportive family #unsupportive mother #vent post #tw vent #personal vent #vent writing #trans vent #transmasc #gender dysphoria #please ignore this lmao I was feeling some sort of way

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frosnpls · 1 year

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cw rhory (and suicide) talk again and general mental health talk

following on from that post yesterday i do definitely need therapy because as much as i convince myself ive healed (and to be fair i have, his death may have been traumatic but its incredible how quickly you realise you were being abused when youre... not being abused anymore) i do sometimes miss him and i hate it. ill see things like accounts from others who've lost people to suicide and it triggers that deep emptiness i felt when he first died despite the fact that he essentially ruined the first few years of my adult life

part of me wishes id never even met him but then i dont know if i would be as close to the friends i have now without him having been there (most of them anyway, if we pretend he didnt have one my best friends blocked because he would get jealous of how much fun i had speaking to her) and i also think he would have. died a lot sooner if i hadnt met him. his brother in law once told me it seemed like id afforded them two more years with him alive and i think it was meant to be grateful but in a way it was just upsetting because it made me feel guilty for all the times i had wished i didn't know him. it felt like i couldnt even afford a theoretical past version of myself that release. i know ultimately his death wasn't my fault and in fact i actively prevented it for a long time but it always always feels like i should have done something else. i feel like i shouldve told his brother that he was actively suicidal again but id come to his brother about it so many times that i think he just didnt think anything of it anymore.

and like despite how much i suffered through everything i dealt with with him i. do miss how we were sometimes. not him specifically, but the relationship we had when it was good. sometimes it upsets me that i cant even remember most of the positive times despite there being so many of them for the first two years we knew each other. sometimes i catch a glimpse of the tattoo on my arm when im getting out of the shower. the tattoo of one of his drawings, one of the only ones i managed to save when he deleted every single message he'd ever sent me. and sometimes it makes me feel like shit because i have this constant reminder of the boy who abused me emblazoned on my body, and nobody's first tattoo at the age of 21 should be a memorial to their boyfriend who killed himself, and it just makes me feel like shit because under everything else i really did love him and thats why i never walked away. thats why i didnt give up on him even when i started realising how damaging it all was for me. i loved him so much and i fucking hate saying it because logically i shouldnt have. its. a lot and its so complicated and nobody but me ever, ever saw it because he masked it around other people or would just dm me instead of saying anything out loud, and i could only tell people very nervously in private and i never had a way of proving it.

i think the hardest part is that my aocial circle now is almost exactly the same as it was when he was in it. all of our friends mourned that loss just the same. some of them know about the abuse now, but most of them don't, and the grief they will occasionally express (though never directly around me, which i appreciate) is so plain and easily explained and i almost feel jealous that i can't grieve the way they can. without any of the complicating factors. and that sounds so horrible but i wish my feelings about him were just SIMPLE.

i have a floater in my left eye. when i was with him, i developed stress stims. i would bash my hand against my head or bash my head against the corner of my desk. floaters are caused by head trauma. im consistently reminded of what that time was like every time i move my left eye in the right lighting.

i remember one particularly bad night where i cried for four hours straight because he just refused to talk to me like a normal person, blamed me for everything that was happening between us and told me to leave him alone and never speak to him again. i knew if i agreed to that he would kill himself as soon as he could. i knew i was the only thing keeping him alive, and that he resented me for that. i used to get acne on my nose and sleeve burns on my eyelids from crying so often and for so long each time.

it was fucking horrendous and i can't even vent to anyone because most of them grieved his death too. we don't even say his name - if he comes up it's always "you know" or "someone else, you know who i mean". so i think i... should really do a proper therapist hunt.

#personal #delete later just need to. put my thoughts down rn

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canismajors · 3 years

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wish i could explain that gender simply doesnt apply to me & for them to just understand & not immediately go hmm sounds kinda fake

#wish i didnt have to explain the ways i hated my body to prove that im Totally Really Transgender #i mean i'd have a lot to say if i was like 2 or 3 years younger but i have a completely different perspective on it now #& thats not an accurate description of my experience its simply not!!#like. when the professor asked if id 'known since i was a child' i said well i simply didnt understand what gender was & then he wrote down #'became trans at 16' or something like that. like im nonbinary what gender stereotype would i conform to lol #literally feel like that 'explaining gender to cis people' meme except its medical professionals meant to specialise in gender & trans ppl

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7wanderingpaws · 4 years

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Simply, yours (12)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: family AU, hapkido teacher AU, PhD AU

Word count: 3.5K

Warnings: mentions of death, cursing

A/N: a moodboard! Yay! Finally some face to the story ^^ in my head baek looks like on the pics in this one hihi. Couple of more interesting things will happen! Aaaand this series will finish by 15th chapter. Or less. I will see how much time I will have. :( Anyway, thank you all sososososooo much for the support and comments, it means THE WORLD! ❤

tags: @milky-baek @itsbaekhyunsbutt @luvhtears @shesdreaminginoverdose @cynthbee @jummyjammy @junmyeonnoona @littleflowercrown13 @sebootyforlife (if you want to be tagged/untagged please let me know!)

MASTERLIST

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12

Baekhyun was stressed. That much you could tell.

The competition between the universities was in couple of days and he-

“Chanyeol, I can't hang out! I still didn't hand in my paper on the sports psychology thing and I have to head to uni in a couple for the training!”

You were in the kitchen, trying to bake some muffins since you were craving like a mad man, and you could hear him pacing around the bedroom where he bunked the whole day to finish off the mentioned paper. He had been a bit distant since the past three-four days, and you gave him his space, knowing he wasn't taking any silly things from anyone right now. He was full on focused and, well, quite biting to whomever tried to help.

He sighed again. “Listen, I know we still have time to hand it in, but I am so busy with the university team that I need to finish it earlier. Fuck, the assistant master is also breathing on my neck. You need to understa-”

He went quiet when Chanyeol interrupted him, and you silently continued separating the dough to the empty holes on the baking pan.

It had now been two weeks since the Korean New Year and another check-up at the clinic, after which you started to attend pilates classes for the expecting women. You had classes two times per week in the evening hours and one of them clashed with Baekhyun's hapkido class at the university, so you weren't accompanying him that often anymore, which was also a small relief for you. As much as your presence there didn't change matters, you felt like a bothersome girlfriend that needed to keep an eye on him, which was not true. Let alone Jiyoung, although had not necessarily done anything, still made you uneasy with her straight-forward behaviour with Baekhyun. You trusted him, though. After the Korean New Year, you got rid of the whole jealousy nonsense and focused solely on yourself and your own peace of mind. After all, it was literally a matter of a few months and your life would become loud, tiring and just overall turnt upside down.

“And you know I've got other stuff to get taken care of.” Silence. “You know what I'm talking about.” You giggled to yourself, liking how Baekhyun was losing his cool with his best friend, not paying attention to the meaning of his words.

You placed the baking pan in the oven and set up the temperature and timer, finally standing up properly, and hissing at the pain in your lower back.

These days, whenever you looked in the mirror at your tummy and the dark stretch marks, you couldn't help but wonder how was this humanly possible; to bear three kids in your own body, in that little place under your heart. It blew your mind, and usually you would end up talking about this with Baekhyun just before sleeping when the lights were out and you were curled up at his side.

“Just proves how fucking amazing you are, my love,” he would murmur in your ear.

You smiled to yourself, your heart fluttering at the recollection and you sat down, checking your phone. A new customer who was buying your knitted clothings, was supposed to come by any minute now, so you might as well rest till she arrived, and let Baekhyun deal with his own issues.

You found a message from the lady waiting for you, so you opened it quickly, thinking she might have cancelled on you.

Hello! I was supposed to pick up the ordered knits today, but I can't make it unfortunately, so my husband will come at the promised time instead! Thank you!

Okay, at least she didn't cancel. You didn't care who would come for them as long as they were taken and paid for.

“Okay, Chanyeol, I will meet you tomorrow,” Baekhyun finally ended the call after more discussion and then you heard another heavy sigh. It caused pain for you too, knowing you couldn't help and you also didn't have a constant, stable pay so that you could ease it up for him just a little bit. Great at uselessne- no. You wouldn't allow yourself those thoughts anymore.

“Babe, you good?” you shouted.

“Yeah.”

“Doesn't sound very convincing,” you muttered to yourself, just when the doorbell rang. You struggled up to your feet and headed for the intercom, letting the person in.

“That's the customer, right?” asked Baekhyun from the bedroom.

You made your way to the door, the little bag with necessary clothes prepared, as you shouted back a yes before sliding the door open and waiting for the person to leave the elevator.

You were excited to earn money like this, even if it was just a little bit. You could shop groceries with it and Korea did have expensive fruit and veggies, unfortunately, so this came extremely handy to you.

Quickly shooting a look behind you, you double-checked if everything looked decent and clean in the apartment before turning back just to get the biggest shock.

Without even thinking, you had the urge to slam the door shut in his face before he could properly orient himself on the new floor of apartments, but you didn't do it. Instead, you ran your tongue over your teeth, preparing for a painful smile.

He turned and he spotted you - he just looked at your stomach - standing in the doorway, ready to walk to you resolutely before he actually brought his eyes up to yours. And he momentarily froze, stopping on the spot.

Silence overtook the cold corridor, and you felt the stress creeping up in your stomach, except you had nothing to fear this time. It was him who wanted something. And Baekhyun was right in the apartment in case anything happened.

“I believe you came to pick up the knits?” Your voice was almost foreign to you, it was strained so much.

His eyes fell lower, seeing just how pregnant you were; your body a far cry from when he last saw you. Clearing his throat, he replied: “Yes, I am.”

Slowly, he walked over and you pushed your hand with the bag out for him to take, wanting him to just leave. “Here. That will be 120.000 won, please.”

Your ex-boss stared at you, not taking the bag for a couple of heartbeats. He monitored your face before his eyes looked behind you at the humble apartment. Only after that, he took it while with his other hand he reached behind taking out his wallet probably from the pockets of his trousers. “Yes, I have the exact amount.”

“Good.”

He snapped his eyes back to you, as he took out the necessary cash before handing it to you. “How are you?”

Oh, dear lord. Not the small talk, please.

“I mean, are you doing well and healthy?”

You stared at him, hoping the negative emotions didn't mirror in your eyes too much, as you didnt want to become someone like him. “I'm fine and healthy, thank you for asking.”

“That's a relief.”

Suppressing a scoff, you were about to put an end to this fruitless conversation when you heard shuffling from behind, and Baekhyun's voice. “Is everything alright?” And he appeared.

He walked to your side, shock evident on his face. “You?”

You felt a protective hand around your waist, your boyfriend pushing you further inside the house, not liking an inch your evil boss being near your vicinity.

Your boss, Mr Kim, gave him a tight lipped smile. “Hello, Mr Byun. My wife is the one buying the knits from your wif- girlfriend.”

“Really?”

You nodded. “She wrote me just a couple of minutes ago that her husband would pick them up instead of her,” you explained to Baekhyun, who didn't even look at you, his strict gaze focused on your boss, “and it turns out to be Mr Kim. There are too many Kims in this country, for sure.”

“Well, we hope your wife will enjoy them,” said Baekhyun coldly. “Have a good evening.”

He was about to push both of you back inside to close the door, but your boss surprised you. Again. “I just wanted to… wish you all the best. I hope you will continue having a safe pregnancy and birth.”

You frowned, but nodded nonetheless. “Thank you.”

“And… I apologise.”

Baekhyun's grip on you tightened. “For what exactly?”

Mr Kim looked in your eyes as he seemed to think over his words. “I was acting unprofessional and it was not acceptable. Me sacking you due to your state was not justifiable, and I realize that I probably created even bigger financial difficulties for you. You always mentioned how money comes in handy and yet…” he shook his head, scrunching his eyebrows, “it was all a terrible mistake. I was insensitive. I apologise.”

You took in a shaky breath, your palms sweaty with anxiety as you let his words properly sink in. He actually uttered those words. Those apologetic words. The words you never imagined he would say, because you believed he was incapable of feeling anything close to regret and sorrow.

Sensing your hesitation, Baekhyun spoke up. “I think it's too late for that. But thank you. I bet my girlfriend appreciates your realizations.”

“Why suddenly?” You asked before Baekhyun could push you further inside the apartment. “I worked so hard for you. I always tried to please you yet I received hate.”

Something flashed in his eyes, something you couldn’t quite name. Was it hurt? Was it sorrow? Pain? “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I was ruthless, but just know that I am sorry.” He looked at Baekhyun now. “I deserved the punch.” With a sad smile, he raised and dangled the bag in front of him as he took a step back. “I’m sure my grandchildren will love this. And my wife too. All the best,” he said and turned around, not letting you and Baekhyun speak.

And you wouldn’t even be able to, because Baekhyun closed the door right after muttering: “Get home safely.”

“What was that?” You asked, shell-shocked at the sudden turn of events. “Did this really happen?”

You were still squeezing the bank notes in your sweaty palms and you moved to put them on the dining table, Baekhyun hot on your heels. “He is crazy. One moment he is shouting at you, calling you all kinds of things and the next he is sorry and acts like…whatever” he trailed off, in the heat of a moment unable to think of a proper word.

You shot him a look, amused. “I know. But at least he realized his mistake.”

Baekhyun pursed his lips, not fully convinced with your words but eventually he murmured: “At least if some other employee gets pregnant he won’t throw her out.”

You smiled, satisfied with his way of thinking. “Exactly.”

“And you earned yourself some money,” he reciprocated the smile and he came to you to give you a kiss on the cheek. “Well done.”

“I’ve been earning money through this for some time now,” you reminded him.

“I know but it’s his money.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly.”

Once the muffins were out of the oven, you decided to call Sukyeong. Baekhyun retrieved to your shared bedroom to continue his studying. He needed the peace anyway, and you really wanted to chat to your good friend because you had way too many thoughts and questions about your ex-boss’s well being. The way he acted was so unlike him.

Sukyeong thankfully picked up after the third ring and she squealed into the phone upon seeing your name. “Finally! I thought you would never call! We saw each other two weeks ago, don't tell me you got suddenly busy!”

You let out a breathy laugh. “No, I became lazy and almost immobile by now, thank you for the concerns.”

“I think I will have to drop by more often,” she thought out loud. “Besides, I also want to talk about something!”

“Eh? What is it?”

“Nah, this needs to be told face to face.”

Since your topic seemed to be just a little bit more intriguing than Sukyeong’s secretiveness, you decided to go with it and spill the beans. You quickly explained to her what just happened, feeling more encouraged by her gasps.

“Well, there is something that happened actually,” she said after a bit of silence. After you left your job, you and Sukyeong rarely ever talked about the workplace, Sukyeong only complaining about the workload and whatnot. She was such a kind-hearted, considerate friend to you; she knew by default the last person you want to talk about was your screwed up boss. “I just didn't know if I should tell you or not, since it doesn't really include you anymore and also…” she trailed off, “it might scare you.”

You frowned, fingering the little whole in the pillow you were hugging to yourself. “Scare me? What are you talking about?” you let out a doubtful laugh.

Sukyeon sighed and you imagined her playing with her fringe to ease up the nerves. “You know his son is married, right?”

“Mhm.” You rarely paid attention to your boss's private life but you were aware of that fact.

“So, anyway, Mr Kim's daughter-in-law was pregnant and she was supposed to give birth just one month after you left,” she continued on, her words still not bearing an ounce of confidence.

You interrupted her, though. “Oh, really? So why didn't he fire his daughter-in-law, huh?! How dare she be pregnant?! God, that man is ridiculous, I swear. Poor daughter-in-law! How difficult it must be for her to live with him!”

“Erm,” Sukyeong gently called out your name, trying to get your attention, which she did but you wished she didn't as her next words gave you the nausea you had been dreading to have your entire pregnancy. “She died giving birth.”

You went completely silent at that, your mind empty and busy all at the same time. His daughter-in-law died giving birth to his grandchild. She died. Giving birth. “How did that happen?” you breathed out.

“Complications during birth. Unexpected high blood pressure, high sugar levels and many other factors,” she replied, her voice sad.

“Jesus,” you breathed out again, “I had no clue.”

“You couldn't have known, dear.”

Tears burned in your eyes at the thought of how tragic the whole story is. So this was why he was apologetic. “But still… I'm so sorry. To her, and even to him - Mr Kim.”

Sukyeong heaved out a heavy sigh. “Don't cry, I cannot comfort you over the phone like this. You wouldn't know!”

“What if I will die?”

“You won't,” she snapped right away. “You are a healthy woman.”

“You know my blood-pressure is also dangerously high at times.”

“But that doesn't change the fact that you are healthy. You don't have problems with your sugar levels, nor is your entire pregnancy problematic.” She paused, before she continued. “Listen, this is why I was reluctant to tell you. I didn't want to trigger any fear in you. Just don't think about it.”

You felt your chin quiver, but you pushed it down. Sukyeong was right. Plus, Baekhyun really didn't need this kind of stress when he already had too much on his plate right now. Having to suck it up and be brave for your own self for once was something you should have started doing a while ago. You always knew pregnancy was a risk. But you wanted to show everyone that not having enough money and still bearing three healthy babies and eventually giving them birth was something more valuable than any monetary aspect of this world.

“You are right, Sukyeonga. I won't. But you owe me a hot chocolate.”

It was around 1am. You were lying on your side, naked back facing Baekhyun as he absentmindedly traced his fingertips over the imprints on your back, left there by your bra. He was shuffling around more, until he resolved to skinship in hopes to ease his mind.

“What's on your mind?” you asked quietly out of nowhere, startling him for a second. He thought you would be asleep by now.

You turned around to your other side, curling up against his chest and he gladly opened his arms for you, missing your presence. It was common that you two would naturally shift apart during the night, both of you deep in sleep, but because of your pregnancy you also felt many times boiling hot which resulted in you scooting as far away from his body heat as the mattress allowed. This time though, the night was exceptionally cold and you knew he needed you.

“Baby, you should be resting,” he rasped quietly.

You held his cheek gently, looking up at him, although he couldn't see you properly in the darkness. “There is something bothering my man,” you whispered, “and I can't sleep when I know you are this troubled.”

He sighed, and you could feel the heaviness of it, the worries somehow too difficult to bear. “It's just a lot on my plate,” he admitted, though very reluctantly. “I want our team to win or at least make it very far but I'm worried I am asking for too much.” His hand was caressing your back, enjoying the hot skin covering it.

“What makes you think that?”

He went silent, contemplating your question and his answer to it. The truth was, Baekhyun's head was very chaotic which rarely happened. Him, who always had a goal clearly set in his mind, never got this worried. “I don't even know. It's the PhD stuff together with this Universiad competition… both require my full attention and even though I am doing my best, I feel like I could still do better.”

It meant a lot that he was this outspoken. He shared his daily issues with you, however only the heavy ones he would let pile up and mull over them until he couldn't bear it anymore.

“My perfectionist boy,” you cooed. “Everything is created in your mind, darling. Everything is still the same as before - you are a student and as your side job you teach kids. Your team was always doing well and that's why you got this opportunity. In fact, you don't need to change anything. You have addition of Jiyoung and her team, that's true, but that still doesn't change the fact that what you did until now is enough. It is all valuable. You're not asking for too much, Baekhyun.”

A couple of heartbeats later you heard him sigh again as he squeezed your body to his, your tummy pressing to his side. “Thank you,” he murmured into your hair.

“Don't keep it in. I know it's difficult. I know, honey.”

“I just want to do well, you know? Do well in my professional life. And I want to do everything in my power to make you and our kids live comfortably.”

You felt stinging behind your eyes, touched and overwhelmed with emotions. “You are doing more than enough, Baekhyun. I'm comfortable and happy because I have you. Out of our entire village, you are the superstar. You are the one who made it. Don't doubt yourself for one second, because I will love you no matter what. You are doing already more than enough, so relax.”

He chuckled lowly. “What would I do without you, hm?” he whispered and he moved to bury his face in your neck, slowly kissing down to your chest where he rested his head under your collarbones. His arm around you was now caressing the bump, his thumb running over the stretched out belly. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Don't thank me.That's what I'm here for. For you. In good and in bad,” you replied as you played with his messy hair.

“Already doing the wedding vows?”

You grew hot, the sudden images of a wedding ceremony with Baekhyun warming your heart. “Not yet.”

He hummed. “But soon.”

“After the kids are born.”

“Where do you want to leave them for our honeymoon? They would be always tied to your boobs. That way I can't have them just for myself.”

That made you laugh out loud, and you pulled on his hair gently, making him chuckle. He raised his head and you felt his breath on your smiling lips. “Then you better enjoy them until you can.”

He kissed you slowly, languidly, humming in the process while dragging his hand over your bump and chest until he was cupping your cheek. “I should, huh,” he murmured into your open mouth. “Though I beg for priority. I was the first to claim them.”

You laughed again and Baekhyun felt extremely satisfied, his worries settled for now. He brought you in for another sensual kiss until both of your eyes were droopy enough to pull to sleep.

#baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun au #baekhyun scenario #exo fanfiction #exo fluff #exo smut #mywritings

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loudlypanickinginvenezolano · 4 years

Text

Amusing.

«And this, you mother fucker, is why we can’t want nice things. There is an actual risk of them becoming true, and then we will fucking panic because we don’t know that to do. Did you want kisses? There are your cursed kisses, you whiny! And you can’t kiss back nor pet or…or… Fuck this shit. » Silver is trying his best, Shadow is still very confused, and Sonic...He´s in there, somewhere... (Working title and summary. Going to change them when I have something more solid to put in.) Even though only Shadow and Silver appear in this chapter, Sonic is in there. He is going to appear in the second chapter. So, yes, this is a triple s.

Part one, because I have no self control and this is too large.

In AO3 as well. [But I didnt cut it cuz I was lazy. Maybe later.]

It was amusing, and something that even now surprised Shadow to no ends. His life, now, consisted in a lot of things he never thought about, he never though he could have, hell, things he didn’t even knew existed! So, in a sense, it would be normal for him to have never ever imagined something like this could happen, to him none the less! But it has, and it was… right this second, even!

He looked over his shoulder, gazing straight at his fluffy boyfriend who was sitting by the counter, staring at, well, him, like a very small puppy would. Once he noticed Shadow was looking, he flushed a bit, but didn’t gaze away. Actually, he seemed to preen a bit at having the ebony attention on him, smiling softly, dopey almost, and eagerly sitting straighter, as if showing off his height. The whole display made Shadow look away, chuckling a bit under his breath, feeling how his own cheeks seemed to warm up a bit. It was almost a giddy feeling, his stomach rolling, and his usual stoic stance yeeting itself off the window without asking Shadows opinions first. It was stressing, and annoying as hell. Staying calm and in control of himself seemed to get harder every time, and it wasn’t for the rage or sadness anymore, not at all, at least, but by this very confusing I-don’t-know-how-to-explain-what-I’m-feeling feeling, or this whole shame and need that seemed to take over his whole body wherever they touched, like, you just got a kiss, why do you need another one?! Stop being so clingy and needy, you are going to bore them! Just lay down, go to sleep! What?! No! Stop staring at their hands, you idiot, they are going to notice! Sleep on your side! Sleep on your fucking side you Disaster-bitch! Don’t you dare roll over to them, doesn’t matter how “Oh, soft and fluffy” they look! Don’t you fuckin-Wa-Wah! Oh god! Oh, my chaos! Why is Sonic hugging us?! He didn’t!-He didn’t send a notice first! It was, it was so sudden? How are we supposed to react to this!? We are not ready, we really ARE NOT READY! He is, he is snuggling? Oh my why is he so cute? Who said it was allowed?! We want to fill a compliant! Nono! Don’t you dare tense up nor make a fucking sound, don’t you dare to wake him up! Shit! Had it gotten hotter in here somehow? Their face was going to melt! Was really ruining him. The temptation of just jumping in, out of the blue, and kissing their face or biting on their shoulders was so strong sometimes…He looked down at the mushy thing in front of him, barely time enough to hold the palette once again before he felt a warm weight settling on his back, careful as always with Shadow spines, and maybe not so thick, but definitely strong arms hugging him tightly. — Hiii~. — Silver sung softly on Shadows ear, giggling happily at seeing both of them twitch and fold in reflex. [I almost wrote Infinite instead of Silver. Wow, the ideas.]

Yas. Ok. Thank you, that is…that was exactly what Shadow needed. A reminder of how much of a freaking walking gay disaster he is.

Fighting with claws and fangs and every little bit of sense he had the oh so big urge of squirming, and the even bigger want of leaning into that white chest fluff and purring because, Oh damn, Shadow, who could have been the image of composure and coolness, kept mixing smoothly, soft yet firm wrists moves as a simple “Hello” fell out his mouth.

Nailed it.

— Are you doing other of this, eh, Things? — He didn’t sound sarcastic nor upset in any kind of way while asking, unlike Sonic, who very much did; Instead, Silver seemed to be genuinely curious, staring obviously at Shadows hands and work in progress in his usual child-like fascination. It sometimes made Shadow want to give him another kick in the head thanks to the frustration, but this time, it was almost… endearing. The attention he received from his boyfriend usually threatened with making him blush extremely or freezing him up completely, it was…almost overwhelming, but in a good sense? So…Supportive? Yas! That is what it was!

It completely frightened him.

— Yes. — That was what Shadow always answered when asked, “What are you doing?”

A thing. It was short, true, and didn’t give any detail away. Nonetheless, to be honest, most of the time it was very obvious that he was cooking something, or doing some kind of thing for maybe a kinda craft project? He just…He was just doing things. Sonic hated when he answered like that, though. He would whine, glare, scoff, or walk away, sometimes a rather strange mix of them and a bit more, that always left Shadow blinking and in complete blank.

And Shadow was supposed to be the drama king?

— It smells funny. — Silver declared with a small laugh, perching his head on top of Shadows and looking at his boyfriend work the…flour? (Was that-What was that?) With his fingers now. —I like this. Whatever you are doing, I dunnu, I like it. A lot. I really do.

—Why? — Shadow couldn’t help but ask, wishing to look up into his boyfriends face, but not doing so in order of not dislodging him. This. This was…was part of the long list of things that he couldn’t understand of Silver. If he didn’t knew what the fuck was Shadow doing, and was just seeing him watering the flour, then, how could he like it so much? Say it so confidently, with so much honesty on his voice… How?

—Be-ca-use~…—He sung, again, drumming his fingers against Shadows skin, breathing deeply and sighing so contently Shadows own lungs ached. — I get to see you, and everything you are doing. And you are happy.

«…Ah~…? »

As if sensing his confusion, Silver gave an embarrassed grin, and went on in an explication.

— You are soooo happy and relaxed, you look soo calm, elegant, even, and focused in what you are doing! And I like that! I like how I can hug you tightly, and admire how pretty, erm, precise! Your hands move. — As if trying to prove his point, he squeezed Shadow strongly, which stole a small squeak out of the ebony. Silver had fucking lifted him! — I like that one a lot. I like seeing what you are doing a real lot, being close enough so I can-I can…

—Yes?

— Smell it! Or hear it! I really like it all, how calming and neat you make everything look, even if things go wrong or the kitchen gets messy, you just-just…make it work! You are relaxed, and happy, and so am I. —He changed his position just the slightly bit necessary for him to be able to look at Shadows pretty face without losing or wavering his strong grip for one second, waiting for their eyes to connect before smiling widely. He pecked Shadow warm cheek one, two, three…four and five times before just giving up and nuzzling him enthusiastically, hands kneading and chest rumbling with a very low but pleased purr. (Oh, how much did he love to do this?!) Silver had gotten that habit from Blaze, kneading with his hands-paw in these kind of situations, though he knew as a hard fact that Shadow did it as well. Why? Well, it was just a mystery! (He had never gotten the courage enough to directly ask his boyfriend from where he picked it up, so he just made up stories on his mind. Still, a mystery. ) — I enjoy it, hearing the knife cutting the dried fruit, how your fingers rub the flour and your knuckles tap the bowl, the bubbling when you boil something, the cling of the plates and glass, your laugh or humming… I love it. I love seeing it, I love hearing it, I love…Jeez, even smelling it once it is out of the oven, and how the vanilla, cinnamon or mint or whatever smell will cling into you and follow into our bed. Can you believe the cravings or the weird dreams I´ve gotten thanks to it? Its-Its nuts!

Silver was happy, so freaking happy. He laughed and smiled while talking, always looking straight at Shadow and touching him here, and here, and there and just… couldn’t stay quiet. (How could he?! Shadows fur was always so soft and they were so close and…there! ) He sounded… passionate, almost. And that was exactly what he wanted. What he honestly felt! He was trying to show his interest in Shadows tastes, be a very Supportive Boyfriend™, and highlight that he actually enjoyed this and wasn’t just faking it nor seeing it as an obligation. He wanted to connect with both of his boyfriends, show that he paid attention to them, and that their likes were a very important thing to him. He wanted to be there for them and keep them happy for as long as he could.

Shadow couldn’t hold his snickers anymore at that last line, looking away and basically hiding his smile on his shoulder, which almost made Silver whine in protest. Because, Shadow, Why? His heart was beating quickly, Silver could feel it under his hands, and his cheeks were clearly flushed, even if it wasn’t that strong. It was an almost bashful look what he had, and during Silvers confession, his ears and hell, even his tail, had perked up and twitched occasionally, the last one grinding lazily against Silvers body every so. It was…perfect. So cute, like, Silver couldn’t even.

He must have two of the cutest, and prettier, and sexier boyfriends in the whole past.

—I love holding you, also, just like this… I love you~… I just love you a big lot.

—Oh my chaos, will you ever stop? —Shadow grumbled, cutting Silver rather abruptly and taking him by surprise. — What is this, any kind of thesis? Cut it already, you sap.

Silver found himself gaping for a second, completely dumbfounded. Shadows words stung for a few seconds, and had him blinking and lowering his ears. He snorted then, beaming once again and hugging him tighter than before, hearing more clearly that very low “Mmmmmmmmhhhhhh” long sound. — O-Oh man, I really embarrassed you with that one, Did I not?

Shadow ears were the ones lowering this time.

—Was it…that obvious? —He questioned quietly, and Silver only response was more laughs which only deepened (And wasn’t that a feat!) Shadows blush. Another shower of small kisses peppered all over the ebony face was what followed, as well as a little tease.

—Oh dear, you got as red as a tomato. —Silver snorted, holding Shadow firmly so he couldn’t shy away from his grasp and kisses. He was currently turning his head and pushing slightly with his own body, lifting his shoulders and curling in a poorly made attempt to protect himself. Hands covered in thick gloves and that funny smelling thing laid unmoving in the crystal bowl, twitching with laughter and repressed need to shove. — Stay quiet! C’mon Shadow, let me love you! Accept my love~!

Silver kept giggling and doing obnoxious kissing sounds as he left “loving smooches” and tickling touches on every bit of Shadow he could reach, ignoring how he kept muttering continuous demands for him to stop.

Because, yes, Shadow wasn’t pleading nor begging, and he certainly wasn’t laughing with his boyfriend; No. he was firmly demanding him to leave him alone and to fucking stop tickling him. It was just that he was being ignored and. Well. Maybe he wasn’t fighting that hardly... Shadow was going to find a way to send his retribution to Silver in the moment the younger expected it the least, either way.

[He is in denial don’t believe him, LMAO.]

It must… it must have been planned beforehand. Shadow couldn’t push Silver away without making a mess that then he was going to have to clean, not to mention the additional problem of washing Silvers furs clean of flour, nor could he move brusquely without damaging the bowl. It was… it was…

«Oh my chaos why do you do this to meeeeeeeeeeee! » He whined while mentally squirming. «This is so fucking unfair. Why? WHY? Oh hell don’t touch there! I hate this. I freaking hate this. Oh, but WHY you can touch me but I can’t? That is not the point. FUCK! »

—You really are ticklish here, uh? I can say you want to laugh. Why don’t you? C´mon, give me a smile!

—I’m going to give you a kick, how does that sounds?! — Shadow managed to squeeze out a threat that was met only with more laughs.

Shadows dignity funeral was going to be in three days. There wasn’t much to bury anymore, but still, it was a nice touch to have. It had lasted as long as it had been able to… Poor thing. It gave its best.

—But Shadoooooow. — Silver whined teasingly. That little shit. He really is spending too much time around Sonic. —I really like your smile. I want to see you. Please? Smile for me, just a bit! Or else… Mh…I’m going to tickle you seriously this time! No more kisses play for you!

Yas.

Too much of a bad influence.

He huffed, looking down at his hands with a frown. — I was doing something, you know?

—I knoow, but, Shadow, Just a little smile won’t take long. Pretty please~?

Sighing in a defeated manner, the flushed ebony looked at his right, meeting gaze with Silver who sported, as well, a very clear and rather strong blush that could challenge Shadows own.

—Hello there~ — Silver sung, almost in a chirping way that never failed in making Shadow woozy. Goddamn it. He really was awful at this shit. He gently, almost by reflex, lifted his head just a tad trying to make it not that noticeable, and glared. Because fuck you.

Silver was expecting this, though, and couldn’t help but beaming wider. The thing was, that once you knew what to look for it sometimes was very easy to read Shadows corporal language! This one? It was Shadows non-spoken signal of “Fuck, I want to kiss you bad but hell if I will.” His ears shifted softly in Silvers direction, as if paying close attention. He would look straight at his eyes, never at his lips, like if he were assessing something. (Maybe he was, though.) The tension on his shoulders, that seemed to relax then tense up once again, the tiny quiver on his bottom lip, how he would delicately bite them, and lift his chin, as if saying “Look at them!”

It was so subtle, so quick and small you actually missed it most of the time, or hell, just took it as him being bratty or acting in defiance. But Silver was paying close attention. And so, he cupped Shadows cheek, rubbing with his thumb his cheekbone in a loving manner and tilting his head upwards a bit more before diving in for a kiss that Shadow gladly gave.

#Silvadow #Sonadilver #Sonilver #I dont know the ship name #This is Shadow and silver being idiots #while Sonic chills by the TV and ignores his dumbasses #but that is in the next #I dont have warning for this #besides Food mention?#Amusing #My writing

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punchholesinthesky · 4 years

Text

I didn't know you could just be a boy

I was listening to a podcast today, about a girl who stood up to her parents at the tender age of four and told them that she was a girl and that she'd chosen a name. I'm in awe of this little girl being so damn sure of herself. I got super emotional listening to it and it got me thinking about my own childhood. It was NPR’s radio ambulante, the episode called “yo nena”.

I knew I was different from a young age but I didnt know how.

I just felt it. And probably cause I visited a lot of doctors and i guess most kids don't do that?

I learned that my brain was different but not the details. I had some vague notion of being adhd. I would not learn it until much later by googling different developmental disorders and learning about being neurodivergent and autistic.

I would later on go on to learn I was queer too, and though I had read the word genderqueer once and thought it fit, I hadn't given it much thought.

I was assigned female at birth, and though I have never liked it, I thought I was stuck with it, that I just had to make the best of it.

I remember wishing to be a boy so many times. Identifiying with male characters, creating ocs and alter-egos, acting the male parts (it was an all-girls school, someone had to), and begging mum to let me cut my hair short, and being so happy when people thought I was a boy.

I never liked traditionally female things, never had a barbie, hated dresses (there's still a photo of a tiny grumpy me being forced into a dress one of my grandmas gave me) and my school uniform was trousers 99% of the time. The other 1% was like official acts, maybe the first and last day of school, stuff like that. I hated it, but at an all-girls catholic school I had much biggers issues that complaining about wearing a skirt a few days out of the year. I remember the gym uniform being a problem. Not sure what the problem was. Something about tights maybe?

I never felt like a girl. But it wasn't something I could properly explain so when I tried to talk about it, with my parents or friends what they usually got out of it was the usual self-steem issues of any girl. Mum tried to help by helping me choose new clothes, telling me how good I looked. And trying to get me to be more feminine, teaching me about 'girly stuff',

But that wasn't it. I understand it better now .

See, it's not that I have self-steem issues about my appearance. I know I'm conventionally good

looking. And if I gave 1/10 of a fuck I can be a very hot girl. I have photos of pasts attempts to prove it. But it never felt right. It never felt like me.

I can put on a bikini and I'm young, thin, fit, I'll look good. But that doesn't mean I'll like what I see in the mirror. I don't feel uncomfortable because I think the person in the mirror looks bad but because I don't know who that is.

I feel exposed. Vulnerable. Bikinis are uncomfortable by design, meant to exploit feminine bodies and for someone who's already uncomfortable having one? A bloody nightmare.

And there's a lot of understand. Why the hell am I being punished for the crime of having a female body by being constantly uncomfortable ? Why are clothes so terrible? Why is so hard to find something basic and decent? Why are bras the worst?? On and on and on. questions I never got the answer to. So much confusion about girl stuff that every other girl i knew seemed capable of navigating.

For a long time I blamed it on me being weird (ie, neurodivergent)

Like, all my friends started caring about boys, parties, romance, alcohol and drugs.

I'd always struggle in school and one year I got literally left behind.

I struggled with depression. I tried hard to fit in and be like them. I tried to be normal, followed their strange rituals. I let my hair grow out, i went on dates with boys, I drank too much and made out with strangers. I got into trouble. I wore a dress to my graduation and invited a boy I'd been talking to.

It was one of the few times I wore a dress voluntarily. Another one was a christmas dinner. And a new year's party. I also wore a skirt to dress up as kate bishop. That's about all I recall. I did buy a dress to cosplay clara oswald but never did it.

I wonder, what if I had told my parents I was a boy and I wanted to be treated like one before? How would they have reacted ?

Laughed it off probably. As they did when I pretended to be a boy for a game as I often did.

I can't imagine them taking it seriously, even now.

I don't know when I found out trans people existed, or who was the first one I heard about.

But I do know I thought it meant you like hated your body or yourself and wanted to be totally different.

And that didnt fit me. I had never hated myself. I hated how the world treated me. I hated arbitrary rules based on gender.

My scout group was mixed-gender, but we were divided in troops and these were single-gender and divided by age.

But we all learned the same things. Whether it was building a fire, tracking, or cooking, we got the same lessons. Sometimes we competed and we slept/bathed separately.

In TECHO it was all mixed-gender. Well, except bathing, but often we'd shared the same bathroom. We slept, cooked, and worked together.

And nobody ever looked down on girls as 'the weaker sex'

That was cool.

My actual education was the opposite. Academically, it is better for a school to be all-girls, at least for girls. But socially, not so much.

As a teenager, I hadn't quite forgotten how much I wanted to be a boy as a kid, but idk I thought I had left it behind me. That what I craved was freedom, independence, the benefits of being a boy, not actually being one.

Later I would discover terms like 'internalized misogyny' and think that was the problem. Cause I liked Lucy and Arya, not Susan and Sansa.

Yet here I stand, years later. Having done a lot of work. Recognising the value of Susan and Sansa. Appreciating Peggy Carter, in a gay and feminist way, and still not wanting to be a girl.

It just doesn't fit me. It's not a rejection.

I'm a feminist. I think women are great.

I understand there are many ways to be one.

That I don't have to be feminine to be one.

And yet, it just doesn't feel right.

After I learned of what 'gender dysphoria' was I though, 'oh I can't be trans I don't have that'

And then, I learned about 'gender euphoria'

And that finally opened my eyes

Trying to be a girl always felt like an ill-fitting costume, no matter how hard I tried. Like I was playing a part and didn't know my lines.

I remember cutting my hair short, like kstew, and going WOW upon seeing my reflection.. I looked more like myself than I had in ages.

I bought different clothes. Boy's clothes. I'm too small for men's clothes but I can fit just fine in clothes meant for 12 years old boys.

I cut my hair, put on new clothes, bought tight sport bras, and when I looked in the mirror, I wasn't sure who the person staring back was but I really liked how he looked.

My parents, for ages, tried to get me to 'dress nicer' to 'act like a lady' and so on. I cared enough to shower and put on clean clothes. I bought a lot of nerdy shirts which I at least liked. Did some experiments. Occasionally I'd make an effort but otherwise I was pretty basic. Loose-fitting jeans and hoodies.

Family kept gifting me nicer girly things I'd wear once and often ignored later.

It wasn't till I gave myself permission to truly dress how I wanted, and yes to shop in the boy's/men's section that I started to actually care about how I looked and putting more effort in.

I never thought I could be a boy, because I didn't know that was a thing you could do.

if I had been like that little girl and said 'i'm a boy' I think they'd havebeen at a total loss.

would they have asked my shrink? What would he have said?? It felt as though they were always on my case to be more lady-like but I know that's unfair. They were generally pretty okay with me being a tomboy, at least until puberty. And even then it was never that huge a thing. More of a constant annoying issue. There were many more pressing ones.

It's 2019, and I bet most parents would still be at a loss. There's not exactly a lot of rep or info.

I'm a lot happier with how I look now, but I still haven't found the right words to explain myself to my parents. I know I have to eventually, I want to stop hiding, to be visible, to change my name.

#Gender euphoria #trans guy #Text ramblings #Trans rights #Representation matters #Coming out #My face #Trans masc

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eremika-forever12 · 4 years

Text

|| Eremika Fanfic: Remember Me!? ||

This is basically continuation from Manga plot with some changes ....you will get to know as story progresses! Do read, share & comment!

Chapter : 1

Just like any day....the sun rose from East making the whole city glow from its heat!

Just like every day everyone is back to their own chores !

Since that day of the new history of Shinganshina or to be more accurate the new Paradis....where there is no more walls, no more eldians & marliyans hatred....it was more like a new Era....Everything has just changed!

People know more about the truth with No Memory Loss....No Misconception Of Titans & Their Existence....Cause Titans Are Just A History Now Which Kids In Their Schools Learn About Their Past Existance!

6 Years....

6 Years Since He Disappeared....Vanished Just Into The Thin Air Just Like That! Leaving her alone once again in this Cruel World! He is known as humanity's Biggest Enemy Now....Who was once recognised as Humanity's Only Hope! But Something Tells Her....His Decision Changed The Whole Prespective! He Actually Changed This World....United Them To Fight Against Him! Sacrificed Himself....For The Cause Of His Own People! No Matter In Which Way But He Succeeded...Even If It Is By Being Cold Hearted Mass Murderer....She knows he was The Saviour, He Was No Monster!

But.....The Sad Part Is He Just Disappeared Like That 6 Years Back After That Rumbling Ended!

No One Noticed Him Since Then Nor His Giantic Titanic Body!

Did he deceive her all again? After making her that promise of returning back alive....wrapping around her that piece of cloth...before going for that final battle against everyone....Did he just die like that after doing so much....not even once meeting her again! Is he actually dead? Where is he? Where is Eren Yeager?

Just like any day....Mikasa starts her day thinking about him....just when her thoughts broke off hearing the powerful scream of her son....shrieking the hell out of her!

“ MOOMMM “

“Ahhh....Heyyy....” says Mikasa shocked watching that little guy running to her hurriedly with a backpack in his hand.

“ MOMMMM! GETTT ME MY FOOD HURRY! I GOTTA BE LATE FOR MY SCHOOL IF YOU JUST KEEP ON SITTING LIKE THAT! I AM HUNGRY” says the little guy with his loud voice.

“ Hush! Cant you speak a bit normally? I mean whats with all these shouting! I am not deaf!” scowls Mikasa as she gets up from the dining table.

The boy simply shrugs- Look Mom! I have no time for this....Alright! I am HUNGGRRYYY!

Ah that pout....thinks Mikasa....his cute little pout always makes her heart melt....and those Green eyes...it just reminds her of him! Thinking about him makes her Sad again!

Mikasa brings a plate full of noodles as she pushes it slightly towards the little devil on the other side of dining table.

The little guy hungrily takes the spoon out of it as he starts rolling the strands of noodles in it....and hurriedly stuffs them in his mouth.

Mikasa stares at her little boy silently observing his every features....his antics were just completely like his dad. Mikasa sighs....only if he was here! Suddenly her eyes fell on a small bruise on his forhead...Mikasa frowned....

When did he got that! Damn....did he just again fight with someone in his school yesterday!

This boy will surely make her crazy....

Mikasa glares at the green eyed little boy who was busy in gulping down his glass of water without noticing his mother's furious glare!

Mikasa in serious tone- Eli.....Look at me!

Eli looks at his mother in confusion as he stops munching his food for a moment...

Eli mumbling – Yes Mom!

Mikasa scowls- What is with that scar on your head!

Eli gasps in shock as he looks else where but not in her eyes....he surely tried to hide that thing by bringing his most of the black hair upto his forehead so that his mother wont notice that scar!

Eli nervously while fidgeting a little as he speaks in his child like voice- Errmm...Its nothing...actually...I fell on the way while returning to home so I guess Got hurt a little!

Mikasa glares- Eli...Shut up! Dont dare you lie to me! Since you got admitted to the school...I have been receiving lots of complain due to your rude behaviour towards children! So dont give me that crap! Did you fight again with someone?

Eli glares back at his mother as he says raising his voice- Rude behaviour? I am not Rude! Its not my fault if those kids of my class bumps into me intentionally just to tease me ! I am not gonna keep my mouth shut if they taunts me by calling me Monster Baby! I am gonna punch their freaking ugly face for calling me that! I had enough of it! I am not weak or Something....

Mikasa scolds him as she raises her voice- Eli! Stop it! If they taunts you....its not necessary for you to reply them back! Stop being impulsive! You cant just beat up people if they tell you something! Learn to control yourself!

Eli tries to defend himself- But...

Mikasa holds his shoulders softly- Eli listen to me!

As Eli stares with his big green eyes, Mikasa with broken voice tells him- Punching someone or beating someone wont prove you strong! I know how it feels but you gonna get adjusted to this! You dont need to start a fight with someone if they say hateful words to you! I know you are strong Eli! But you need to control yourself! Your anger wont do any good....

Eli remains mum as he softly shrugs off his mother's hand....taking his back pack on his back.

Eli calmly- I am done with my breakfast! Bye Mom!

Before Mikasa could say anything, Eli runs out of the house way to his school while Mikasa just whispers watching him running away- Bye! Just dont fall into any trouble Eli! You are the only one I have! I have lost everything in my life....I dont want to loose you!

Mikasa stares at sky scattered with clouds and the sun rays with birds flying...

Mikasa murmers as lone tear escapes from her eyes- Eren....I Wish You Were Here!

***********

Eli has been walking merrily along the way towards his school when he hears someone calling him from behind....

Eli turns around and squeals in happiness seeing the blonde hair guy with that scout uniform- Uncle Arlert!

The blond guy walks hurriedly towards him as he laughs- Its Armin!

Eli rolls eyes- oh yeah its the same thing! Arlert is also your name anyways!

Armin giggle- oh well young man ! Off to school ha? Come I will take you there!

Eli with his head high- No need! I can walk to my school myself!

Armin nods his head gently- ofcourse you can! But I have to make sure you dont fall in any trouble you know....or else your mom will be worried!

Eli frowns as he chirps in his child voice- Wait Mom asked you to follow me!

Armin nods in negetive as he nervously says- No No....Not that lately she is being really worried about you! So I thought to have a check on you....

Eli yells angrily- Heyyyy! What the hell is wrong with everyone damn it! I am not a toddler or something! I dont need anyone! I can look out for myself! I am freaking 5 years! Leave me Alone uncle Arlert ! You have your own daughter....Just look after that pathetic princess of Yours!

Saying this....Eli ran off hurriedly before Armin could follow him any further.

Armin was shocked by his reaction! He wasnt expecting such outburst! He was not told by Mikasa to follow him....he just did it cause he felt he had some responsibility towards his best friend's son after what just happened a week back in his school!

But today this out burst....he just completely reminded of HIM!

It wasnt for first time....Eli was like this anyways since he was born....stubborn & pure brat with that pathetic anger of him but he usually doesnt talk like this with him....he is really fond of his uncle Arlert & his only friend Alina Arlert....his & Annie ‘s daughter! Yes They are no more titan shifters now! That power & the curse got ended 6 years back immediately after the rumbling! They were all normal now....

Alina is 4 now....a year younger than Eli...She still didnt get admission in school yet , most probably after she turns 5....she will also start going to school and accompany Eli too...

But well right now Armin is concerned about Eli sudden outburst....did he get into an argument with Mikasa again in morning! He seemed really pissed off hearing his mother’s name!

He needs to talk to Mikasa right now....

***********

Eli was breathing heavily as he stops mid way & looks back....damn his little legs are paining now! He just ran a marathon to escape from Armin.

Aaahhh He hates just being lectured every damn time! Nobody just understands him & his point of view! His mom only thinks him of as some brat who doesnt listen to her or something! What she doesnt understand is....Eli is just tired of this daily bully of him in school by calling him some monster's child, Titan baby, illegitimate kid etc etc ! When he tries to explain this to his mom....all she tells him to not react to them! Like how the hell....why wont he react to those carzy bunch of people who simply insults him! Eli's anger just rose thinking about all these! He realises...he just ran off bit too far from his school....in some empty area with less people walking around! The area has some broken houses all around....people dont live here now much! Duh he is in no mood to walk back to his school....missing a day at school wont be any harm ,thinks Eli.

He just notices a bench a bit far.....and walks towards it & sit down!

He wants to be alone from his mother's scoldings and lectures! Eli always wondered why he didnt have a father like every other kid! He has been numerous times taunted about this by some adults in their neighbours! They simply call him Titan Baby & he hate that Word Titan! He doesnt really know what are those but once he heard some students in school talking about it....Titans were some bad ugly creatures who used to be on this land some years back! And Eli understood he was simply called those ugly creature's kid....

Once he dared to ask his mother about his own dad....but didnt get any answer from her instead he made her sad for some unknown reasons. He hates his mom to be sad or to cry! Its true his mom is strict in many ways and over protective too but Eli loves his Mom very much....just only he wishes if only she understood his feelings! Since Eli never questioned his mom about his Dad whom he never met!

Eli was lost in his thoughts as he was swinging his small legs over the bench absent mindedly....when all of a sudden he felt some one was watching him from far....Eli’s eyes travelled up infront of him as he felt alert all of sudden....

He noticed a Silhouette infront of him......on the wall ahead of that old broken house...someone is standing behind HIM!

To be continued.....

Chapter : 2 - click here

#eren yeager #eren x mikasa #eremika fanfic #eremika #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

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chloasiajones · 4 years

Text

This is my new smau. It's a Sokka x F!Reader pairing smau. Title: More Than A Roommate

Trigger warning: Mature! Slight swear warning! If your sensitive to mature language and swearing, I've warned you ahead of time. Mentions of sex!

Y/n's new roommate seems intensely interested in her life and wants to know everything about her. She's flattered and a little freaked out, but it’s nice to have someone to talk to. Though she thinks it's a problem that he's so handsome and their living together. But what will he do when he finds out Y/n's a Firebender? Will he accept her for who she is or will he shut her out because of his bad past with the Fire Nation?

Special Edition Part 19 Continued. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I quickly gathered what I needed. It wasn't much, but I did grab my sword. I never know when I'll need that. Even though I'm a Firebender that can bend red flame and red lightning, I'm still badass with a sword. Though I can't take all the credit, Sokka helped me with part of that. He's helped me to practice and he's taught me what he knows. A tear slipped from my eye as I stood in Sokka's room for a moment, staring at his boomerang on the wall. As I turned my head, I looked at the picture he had of us on his nightstand. I picked it up, looking at it, as a couple more tears fell. I cleared my throat, closing my eyes forcing the rest of my tears away. Wiping away the tears that remained, I opened my eyes setting the picture down. I looked directly at Sokka in the picture.

"Dont worry Sokka, I'm coming for you,"

With that said, I walked out of the room, heading out of the apartment.

. . .

Adelina's P.O.V.

I paced back and forth in my sister's apartment waiting for my friends to arrive. They were taking forever. I just wanted to leave on my own and go find my sister. She could be in serious danger right now. As Toph said I can believe that she went off alone, but I'm just so angry with her. If something happens to her, I would never forgive myself. She's my everything. She's my Boo. I need her. And whether she admits it or not she needs me to. And this is one of the times she needs me. Ughhh! I wanna kick her ass so bad. Though I guess I cant blame her. I am as much in love with Zuko as she is with Sokka. If Azula was doing this to Zuko, I'd wanna do more than just kick her ass. I jumped as the door opened. Pretty much all my friends walked in at the same time. And Iroh was behind Zuko. I face palmed myself. I looked directly as Zuko.

"Zuko, what is Iroh doing here?" I asked him trying not to show him how angry I was for my missing sister and future brother-in-law.

"We're not the only ones who are Y/n's family Adelina. Iroh is to. Uncle's known you guys since you were kids, he wants to help. He cares for her too," Zuko explained to me.

"And you forget Lina, that my nickname used to be, Dragon of the West - I am still a Firebender and I want to make sure nothing happens to the people I love," Iroh explained to me calmly.

I sighed as I looked at him. I didn't have time to debate.

"Fine, - But we have to go, - Right now - We're already running out of time," I told them in a hurried panic as I headed to the door.

Nothing will stop me from protecting Y/n and Sokka.

. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I headed to the Earth King's old quarters. I figured if Azula is going to be hiding out anywhere in Ba Sing Se, with that sicko of a dick waffle Jet and the Dia Lee agents, its gonna be there. And I wasn't playing around. As soon as I got to the door, I blasted two of the Dia Lee out of the way. I want my Sokka back and nothing will keep me from him. I walked throughout the halls and the main throne room but I didn't see Azula. I knew they both were hiding here somewhere. As I walked throughout the throne room, I felt a familiar presence. I stood firm not wanting to turn around. He quickly grabbed my wrists as he stood behind me, standing as close to me as he could. He made me drop my sword. I closed my eyes as the sound of the sword hitting the floor hit my ears. Jet held my wrists tightly, as he pressed himself against me.

"Its nice to see you again Y/n, -"

I could feel shivers running through my entire body. And they weren't the good kind.

"Jet? -"

"We haven't seen each other in awhile Y/n. I've tried texting you but you didnt answer -"

He was getting closer to my neck. I had my eyes closed, because I didnt want to admit this was happening.

"When texting didnt work I tried calling but you still didnt answer -"

Jet moved his lips along my neck so softly, it drove me insane. My breath hitched as he pressed himself against me.

"Though, I can look past you ignoring me for weeks, if you - give me the chance I deserve, -"

"You know you don't deserve it," I told him.

"Really? -"

Jet quickly turned me around, pressing me to the wall behind us, pushing himself against me. He had my wrists held down, so I couldn't fight back. He still moved his lips along my neck. He knew just how to do it, in ways that would drive me crazy. I tried to move, but Jet had me held down.

"You lied to me Jet," I said to him.

I tried to show him I was angry, but he was hitting the sweetest spot on my neck. The spot he knew was my favorite before when we were together years ago. I honestly hate him right now.

"I lied to you only because I love you - I needed you back. I cant live without you. - "

He gently pressed his lips harder. I wanted to cry, but I forced myself not to. I still forced my eyes to stay closed.

"I need you in my life - I dont want to be forced to live without you - "

"Then you shouldn't have lied to me and joined Azula,"

He moved his lips down farther.

"You don't understand - I needed you - I still need -"

He brought his knee up between my legs, creating friction. A slight whine left me.

"Where's Sokka?"

I tried to speak sternly, but with what he was doing, it was really difficult to keep my composure.

"Look Y/n, I know you still love me, - You cant deny it,"

"Yes, I can - You're nothing that Sokka is - You never have been and you never will be,

! - He's better than you in every way!"

Jet said nothing for a moment as he looked at me.

"How can I prove to you that I still love you?"

I stared directly into his eyes, with the straightest face I could possibly have.

"You can't,"

I could see the anger hidden behind his eyes. In an instant he pressed his lips onto mine with force. He pressed himself against me as hard as he could. I honestly didnt know what to do. A part of me still did love him. Those feelings dont just go away. Jet still had me held down, but he kissed me like he used to when we were together before. Before I even know what I was doing I kissed him back only slightly. I honestly wish he'd never come back. I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. Just as I felt him moving his hands down to my thighs, he was ripped off of me and thrown to the ground. I looked over to see Mai.

"Thank you Mai," I said to her in a soft tone.

"Damn Y/n, if you were over Sokka that quickly, you could've just dumped him," Mai said to me.

I shook my head.

"No, I'm not -"

I was just staring at Jet. Mai had her foot on him, holding him down.

"What happened with me and Jet is a long story, but the only person I care about right now is Sokka. I need to find him. As far as Jet is concerned, he can go to hell," I told Mai.

She knew I was upset with Jet by the tone of my voice.

"Well, I may need your Firebending as an assistant while I tie him to this post," Mai said to me forcing Jet to his feet.

I stared directly into Jet's eyes as Mai held him. Jet knew I was angry.

"I'd be my pleasure," I spoke in a calm voice.

"Y/n, don't do this! - You know that we're meant to be together," Jet protested as Mai dragged him over to the post.

"We were once - But life goes on Jet - Not everything has to stay the same. I moved on from you. You should do the same -"

"I can't," Jet spoke as Mai finished off the knot.

I squatted down in front of him.

"You can,"

Jet almost had tears in his eyes as he looked at me.

"I love you,"

"Then let me go, - There is someone out there for you Jet, but it's not me. - Maybe it was once, but we've grown apart. And deep down you know that. - When you kiss me you try to hard to make the feelings real, when you know they're not -"

"I love you Y/n, I always will,"

I gently took hold of Jet's hand.

"Of course you will, - You'll always love me - I was your first love, and you were mine we will always love each other, but that doesn't mean we should get back together just because we feel our old feelings and we think they're the feelings of now. - I fell in love with Sokka - Deeper than I ever did with you - And that's okay, because that means I can move on, and you need to move on too, -"

"I dont think I could ever let another girl kiss me,"

I exchanged glances with Mai. She gave me a knowing smile. She knelt down beside me, quickly grabbing his face, attaching their lips, kissing him with a passion. I could tell he was surprised, by the look on his face. He didnt even know what to do. Mai and I both stood up at the same time.

"Where's Sokka?" I asked her.

"He's just down that hall, in the third room on your right, - I'll stay here with Jet so he doesnt try anything too crazy. Just be careful of Azula, she could be lurking," Mai warned me.

I nodded to her. Without another word I left them alone, to find Sokka. Azula is going to pay, for even thinking about hurting my man. I headed down the hall, to the room Mai told me of. Sure enough when I entered, there was Sokka sitting against a bed on the floor, tied to the frame. He had his head down looking at the floor. I cautiously entered the room.

"Sokka, -"

He perked his head up, when he heard my voice.

"Y/n! Oh thank God you're here!" Sokka exclaimed as I rushed over to him.

I smiled as I looked into his face. I couldn't stop myself as I touched his face softly.

"Yeah, - I had to come," I told him softly.

I started to untie him.

"I knew you would, love - Jet and Azula are insane. Once I get outta here I'm gonna give them both a piece of my mind,"

"Don't worry baby, Mai is taking care of Jet and I'd suggest leaving Azula to me,"

I helped Sokka stand to his feet.

"What you think I cant handle it?"

I put my hand on his arm.

"No, sweetie that's not it. It's just I dont want you to be in the crossfire of one of Azula's lightning blasts,"

"Fair enough,"

I gave him my sword as a defense mechanism. Just as we started to walk out of the room, I heard footsteps down the hall coming this way. I put my hand on Sokka's chest, stopping him. I waited and listened. Just as they were right outside the door, I blasted them with fire, knocking them back a few feet. Sokka and I rushed out the door. It wasn't Azula like I had thought. It was one of the Dia Lee. I took Sokka's hand and we rushed off together to find her. Once we were outside in the courtyard, we stood there and waited. I could feel the presence of someone around. I listened and waited and made sure of my surroundings carefully. Just as I felt her a few feet behind us, and I knew she was going after Sokka, I stepped in front of him, putting a huge firewall in front of us, to protect him.

"So, I see you've defeated my Dia Lee and my secret weapon," Azula said to me in a challenging tone.

"It wasn't much of a secret weapon, - I mean come on using my ex-boyfriend, you really think I couldn't defeat him?"

"I just thought he was more angry than he actually was - Pathetic really, -"

"Well, now you have no beef with us, so you can let us go willingly," Sokka said to her.

"That's where you're wrong, - You see Jet mentioned something to me about helping me get revenge on Zuko and his friends for betraying me and lucky for me Y/n happens to be one of his best friends since we were kids. Today is just my day," Azula explained to Sokka.

A challenging look crossed my eye.

"Bring it on," I challeneged.

A devious smile passed her as she just stared at me. Just as she shot a huge flame of blue at me, I fired back at the same time with a huge flame of red. Our flames collided making an even larger flame of red and blue in the middle. I wont let Azula win. I'm stronger than she is. And she knows it. That's why she's trying so hard. Azula was trying to fire back stronger, but I was better. I went even larger with my flame, causing hers to dissipate, knocking her to the ground. Anger crossed her face as she looked at me. I stood before her with a determined look to my face.

"You've always been jealous of me Azula. - I can fight better than you - I never focused on my anger as a fuel for my fire. Your Uncle didnt just teach Zuko, he taught me and my sister too. We followed by everything he taught us. And we've stuck to it everyday of our lives since, -"

In her anger Azula got herself up and shot a fire kick at me. I quickly blocked it.

"You should've listened to your Uncle," I told her intimidatingly.

"Oh, I've learned a few things from my Uncle," Azula said to me through her anger.

I watched as Azula got into her familiar stance. I knew exactly what she was doing. I readied myself. Iroh told me I might need to use this to defend myself someday. Azula shot a bolt of lightning my way. It pushed me back as I caught it. I almost couldn't breathe or hold onto it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the terrified look in Sokka's face. I let that fuel me. In just a few seconds I was the one controlling the lightning. I felt the energy and it was exhilarating, but it was also terrifying. Just as Zuko had stated once before. I redirected the lightning to shoot just past her head, singeing her hair. She was beyond angry as she looked at me.

"I've learned a few things from your Uncle too," I told her now even more intimated.

Sokka stood by me proud as he put his arm around me. I looked over just as our group of friends came running in. And Iroh was there to. Adelina ran over to me trapping me in her arms tightly. Zuko had hold of Azula.

"I am so glad you're safe," Adelina said to me in a slight panic.

"Yes, Lina, I'm fine," I told her.

She leaned away from me.

"It was so awesome! Azula shot lightning at her and she just stood there in firm ground and redirected the lightning at her! She was so cool!" Sokka exclaimed.

I chuckled at Sokka's reaction. I love him so much. It's hard for me not to love him.

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fiftyshadesgrl · 5 years

Text

He saved me/ part 4

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationship. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: there will be ssmut, violence, torture, abuse and language. If you triggered by any of this i suggest you not read.

Feed back is always appreciated.

A few hours later it was completely dark. Sam laid in the back seat as best he could with his headphones in sound asleep. Dean had ac/dc playing on the radio and i started singing along to my favorite song. 'You shook me all night long.' Dean looked over at me and smiled at my off key singing. Instead of poking fun at me he joined in.

After the song ended he spoke, "i didnt think you were a classic rock kind of girl."

"What kind of music did you think i liked?"

He shrugged, "that rap crap. Ya know bass blaring kinda stuff."

I laughed, "i like all kinds of music but you cant beat the classics."

"Hell yeah!" He fist bumped into the air. I couldnt hellp but smile. His carefree side was something for sure. My heart raced just by looking at him. His lips looked so soft and i wanted to kiss them. My eyes traveled down his body, i remembered his abs and chest so toned. My eyes rested on his crotch, from the outline i saw earlier he had to be huge.

"Darlin' if you dont stop looking at me that way..." he said in a raspy voice.

I whipped my head around so fast it made me dizzy. I shrank as close to the door as i could, keeping my eyes fixed on my hands. "Im so sorry. Please....i didnt..."

His hand grabbed mine and he intertwined our fingers. "Dont be sorry. I love the way you look at me, but right now youre in no condition to do what im wanting to do."

I blushed at his words, but felt a tinge of horror in my heart. "Why would you want me? Im a nobody, im worthless." I whispered.

"(Y/N) look at me." I kept my eyes on our hands. "Look. At. Me" he said more forcefully this time. I slowly turned my head and lifted my eyes to meet his. "Do not ever, and i mean ever let me hear those words come out of your mouth again. You are not worthless. You are somebody to me. Dont you ever second guess it again. Do you understand me?"

His eyes shown truth in his words. I have never had someone say that to me. I nodded in agreement but yet parkers words still sounded in my head.

'No man will ever want you after what ive done to you. You will disgust them. Just look at you, if i was any less of a man i would be disgusted. Youre fat and ugly. Your pussy isnt going to look or feel the same after this. No man will ever want to touch you again.'

"(Y/N)." Deans voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Our hands still twined together, i pulled away thinking parker was right. Dean was just being nice after what i went through. After i healed hed throw me to the curb just like everyone else did.

"You hungry? Im gonna fill up, theres a deli inside that makes subs. Want one?" Dean asked. I shook my head and turned towards the window before he could see the tears that slipped out from beneath my lashes.

He slowly got out of the car and finally i was in silence, except for sams light snoring. Dean is an amazing man, he could have any girl he wanted. He wont want a broken shell of a woman like me. I shouldve just let parker kill me. The world would be better off, dean and sam would be better off too. They wouldnt have to worry about taking care of me and have me be a burden to them.

Dean got back in the car a few minutes later holding three bags. "I figured since you liked pizza youd like this. They had pizza subs in there, i got you a drink too. I expect you to eat every bite. No arguments." He handed me the bag and i had to admit it smelled amazing. My stomach growled at the smell and he smiled and pointed to the bag.

I gave in and unwrapped it and took a bite. I havent had food this good since before i got with parker. I was lucky to have a can of cat food to eat even then i had to make it last a week, while parker on the other hand would fix himself whatever he wanted. He wanted me to lose weight.

The thoughts about me being over weight claimed my appetite and i put the sub back in the wrapper and placed it beside dean. "Thanks but im still full from earlier."

He pulled the car over on the side of the road, he turned to me quickly. "I know what youre thinking and dont do it. Eat it or i will force feed you right here right now."

Tears pooled in my eyes and he sighed, "look, im sorry im not trying to force you but you need to eat. If you dont youre not going to get better. Im just trying to take care of you." He grabbed my hand "(Y/N), what is keeping you from eating?"

I inhaled and the words just tumbled out. "Im fat, parker told me. I can see it myself. My stomach is to big, my thighs touch. Im ugly. I shouldnt eat so much. Parker only gave me a can of food a week."

Deans grip on the steering wheel tightend, i saw his knuckles turn white. "I swear that fucker is going to suffer for what hes done to you." I tried to pull my hand away but his grip tightend. "Dont pull away. I know its hard for you to realize this now but i am not parker. Youre beautiful and youre not fat. In my eyes youre the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. So no one elses opinion matters but mine."

I shook my head "dean youre just being nice because of everything that happened."

He rubbed his hand over his face in frustration, "no im not. Im telling you the truth. Now eat. We will sit here until you do." Just to prove his point he turned the key and the cars engine shut off. I sighed in defeat and started eating again.

He smiled seemingly pleased with himself. Soon we were back on the road. After i finished my sub i placed the wrapper in the bag and leaned my head over on the window. "Here." Dean said and i looked over towards him. He held his jacket out to me, i smiled "thank you." I waded it up and used it as a pillow. A pillow that smelled just like him. Soon enough i was asleep.

I woke up in a bed but this time it wasnt a hospital bed. It was softer and the covers were a bit scratchy but i was comfortable. The pillows smelled familiar, like dean. I looked around and only saw a dresser and a table with a lamp on it. I must be in his room at their house.

The door was open, i moved my leg to see if it still hurt. "Damn it!" The pain seared through my leg and i knew there was no way i could put weight on it. I sighed because i couldnt do anything for myself. I hated feeling helpless.

"You okay?" I heard deans rough voice from the doorway. I looked up and he was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. My god he looked good. I shook my head, "i hate this. I have to depend on you for everything. Im a burden to you and sam."

He walked over and kneeled beside the bed, "you are not a burden. I take care of you because i want to."

I smiled at his kind words. Ive been doing alot of smiling lately thanks to dean. Hes got such a wonderful soul and heart. He looks rough on the outside but hes really a very caring person.

"Thank you dean. I cant tell you how much i really appreciate what you and your brother done for me. I just wish i could help out in some way, but i cant do anything because of my leg." I placed my hand on his cheek and he actually leaned into my touch. I cant explain whats going on between my heart and dean but i liked it.

He looked up into my eyes with such adoration it hurt. What is it about him?

"I actually have a friend that can help you, if you want to." Dean said cautiously.

"How can they help me? Are they a doctor?"

He shook his head, "i know this is gonna sound strange. Cas...hes an angel. He can heal you in a matter of seconds and make everything go away."

I raised my eyebrow at him. He just waited patiently as i thought it over. Demons are real and i did pray that god gave me strength when i was with parker. So why cant angels be real? I looked into his eyes and nodded.

He let out a breath i didnt realize he was holding. He bent his head "cas, i need you."

I heard a big flutter of wings and there was a man standing in the doorway wearing a trenchcoat. Not the way i pictured an angel looking.

"Hello dean." Cas said in a raspy voice.

"Hey cas, this is (Y/N). She needs you to heal her." Dean said sitting on the edge of the bed beside me.

Cas walked over to me, "hello (Y/N). My name is castiel. All i will have to do is place my hand on your head."

"Thats it?" I asked.

Cas nodded and then i nodded and i shut my eyes. I felt his hand on my forehead and a warm sensation filled me. A few seconds later i felt amazing. I opened my eyes and dean was smiling at me.

"You look even more beautiful than before." He said touching my cheek. I leaned into his touch just as he did mine earlier. I looked up at cas he was standing there awkwardly.

"Thank you cas." I said shyly and he nodded. With a flutter he was gone. I looked around the room but he wasnt there.

"He does that alot." Dean said. "Now would you like to get a shower?"

I closed my eyes at the thought, "oh yes that would be amazing." I moaned, i felt dean shift on the bed. He was turned to the side with his eyes closed.

I put my hand on his shoulder, "dean?" He took a deep breath and turned towards me. He smiled and stood up and held out his hand.

I took it and stood up, and it felt amazing to be able to stand up and move without hurting. I chuckled and moved my leg and bent it. Im sure i had the most ridiculous smile on my face, but i was geniuenly thankful for everything.

"Everything feel alright?"

"Everything feels great. Thank you so much." Before i could stop myself i stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

He flinched a little and looked down at me. "Im so sorry...i didnt..im sorry." I said faster than i wanted to. I tried to turn away but he grabbed my wrist and turned me back to face him. He crashed his lips into mine and growled. His fingers tangled in my hair and pulled lightly. I bit his lower lip and moaned into his mouth.

I ran my hand up his flannel shirt and went to unbutton it when he grabbed my hands and pulled away from me. "No, i cant."

I backed away casting my eyes down to the floor, fiddling with the drawstring on my borrowed sweat pants. "No, im sorry. It was stupid of me to even think..."

He opened his mouth to speak but i just shook my head, "its okay dean you dont have to explain. I get it. Can you please show me where i can freshen up? I dont have any clothes so if its not to much trouble can i borrow these again?"

He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts and a shirt. "You can wear anything of mine you want until we can get you some clothes."

I nodded and took the clothes from him. He walked me down the hallway to the bathroom and showed me where the towels and wash cloths were before shutting the door.

After a nice long hot shower i felt even better my hair wasnt all frizzy anymore, my black tresses were perfectly combed and straight. I hardly recognized myself in the mirror without the bruises and cuts.

I was in deans clothes and they were a little baggy on me but i was a curvy woman so it wasnt to bad. I walked out of the bathroom but had no idea where to go. The only place i actually knew was deans bedroom.

I walked down the hallway and passed more doors. They were all closed so i didnt dare to open them. After all this wasnt my house, i had no business snooping. I heard sam and dean talking on down the hall so i followed their voices.

I turned the corner into a big library of some sort. Sam sat at the table reading from a book dean sat in a arm chair across from him eating a sandwhich. He smiled at me and i couldnt help but giggle at his cheeks stuffed full with food. He was so cute.

"There she is. Feel better?" He said around the food in his mouth.

"Very much, thank you. Both of you." I said looking down. "I dont really know what to do around here. Ill try to be helpful while im here. I promise i will find a place soon and be out of your hair."

Sam looked up with a furrowed brow. "No one said you have to leave. Youre more than welcome here."

I nodded and smiled shyly at sam. He went back to whatever he was doing as i paced back and forth.

Dean walked up to me and grabbed my hands. "Hey, dont feel out of place here. If youre hungry get you something to eat. If youre bored sammy has plenty of books and we have netflix. I want you to make yourself at home."

Dean was tracing circles on my hand with his thumb, my breathing hitched and i could feel, something between us. Dean seemed to notice and let go of my hands.

"Sam, you got anything on where these demons are?" Dean asked sam.

Sam shrugged, "not a hundred percent sure at the moment. Parker is for sure the leader though. It seems like its a recruitment thing. Bobbys looking into it for us."

Dean throws his hands up, "now what?"

"We wait." Sam said impatiently.

@an-unhealthy-obsession

#dean x reader #dean winchester #deanwinchester #supernatural

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lovelustthrustt · 5 years

Text

I miss you.

Hi.

I miss you.

I wish that was enough to accurately describe how I feel, but it doesn’t, not even close. I don’t just miss you; I feel so much more than a mere longing. I could create a galaxy full of life with what I feel for you. I feel everything. My heart hurts so much, but it also is filled with so much love, especially for you.

I miss your laugh, your lame jokes, your hugs, your singing and dancing, I miss our six flags trips. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I can’t say it enough. I miss seeing everyone happy. I miss your beautiful contagious smile. You had a personality that could have made anyones day better.

I thought 137 days would at least put a dent in how much I hurt, but it didn’t. It’s been 137 days of your absence, 137 days of missing you, 137 days of “being strong”. It’s been 137 days of trying to forget, 137 days trying not to care, not letting anyone close enough to hurt me, to leave me. It’s been 137 days and I feel everything stronger than ever, and it hurts so much more than this string of words could ever portray. I don’t understand, Molly.. I thought time was supposed to heal; it hasn’t healed anything, only replaced memories and has served as a constant reminder that you’re gone.

Happiness is seldom what I feel, no matter the smile on my face or laugh in my throat or twinkle in my eyes. You’re all I see and it hardly makes me smile, especially as of recent. It’s impossible to be truly happy when the only person who never left my side, actually left and I will never get back. Every time I think I’m getting better, I remember what I was running from to begin with and am brought right back to the start.

I tried everything to accept that you were gone, or at least forget. I tried going out, having fun, drinking. I tried detaching myself from everyone. I wanted to be invisible, transparent, forgotten. I tried not to exist. I pretended to be happy; I let myself be sad. I tried not caring about anyone or anything, not taking anything seriously. I tried taking everything seriously, caring too much; but, nothing brought you back, nothing changed what happened, nothing made this okay. You’re still gone.

I pretended it never happened. I couldn’t hide from the fact that I missed you. I had to face it and trying to be strong. But it didnt work.

The longer you’ve been gone, the worst my breakdowns get. The pain is unbearable, each time hurting in a way it never had before while clean tears stream down my flushed face in pure hysteria. I stay that way for what seems like hours but could only been a minute unable to breathe; crying and crying and then I go unmoved. I feel nothing. Not a movement of the face, no aching, no flutter of the heart, twitch of the fingers, nothing. I still don’t know what is worse, feeling everything so intensely or nothing at all.

How has 137 days not lessened the sorrow and aching I feel when I think about you? I thought I would hear your name and smile; a loving memory, a gift, but I’m selfish and memories aren’t enough for me. Day to day nothing changes: the grass is still the grass without you and I am moving forward as much as I try to fight it. I feel guilty laughing and smiling and having fun, so I remember going through a period where my body and mind set to auto-pilot. The days would pass and I would have no recognition of what I had done and it was easy that way. I didn’t have to feel. I didn’t have to explain myself or talk to anyone or go out of my comfort zone. It was emotionless, painless, but was no way to live.

I hated that time. The grief turned to undeniable depression. Now depression, a cousin to grief, wasn’t listening to “our songs” with mascara streaming down my face in clumpy black lines, it was darker, colder; it was so incredibly empty. The type of emptiness that turned friends to enemies and family to strangers as I pushed and pushed so they didn’t have to see me that way, they didn’t have to feel what I feel every day. I thought I was protecting them. I didn’t want anyone’s pity, to be a burden, and the last thing I needed to hear was how strong I was and that everything was going to be okay because I didn’t believe it.

It hurts to think all I have are memories and I’m terrified to my core that I will begin to forget. The smallest moments I cherish the most and I don’t know how to preserve them. I can obsess over it, let it consume me, but I don’t want to be in love with a memory; a time, a place, an instant. Memory is unreliable and memories fade.

All I have are pictures, videos, and a foggy memory. I guess the pictures and videos help me remember your face, full of life and that voice I would recognize anywhere, but I still wish I had more. I don’t want my memory to rely on these things and I guess that’s why I write. I write to remember, I write to forget. I write to understand and accept and reflect. Through my writing I still feel pain, sometimes relive it, but it’s where the puzzle pieces begin to fit. I quiet the voices in my head and there’s a brief moment of what I imagine is peace, happiness. You gave me a purpose, something to feel. I have an urge to write it all down, I want to remember everything, and most importantly I want to treasure and hold on to the memories that are mine, that are authentic.

There was so much more I wanted to say to you. There was so much more I wanted to do. There was so much more I wanted to be. I thought we had more time.

I lay awake at night consumed by the thought of you and our memories and everything I didn’t get to say and everything we didn’t get to do. I let what happened get to me and life seems unlivable. I think most days I convince myself you’re on a vacation, an extended one. You’re somewhere warm and remote with no way to contact me and then I remember you’re not on an island in the middle of nowhere, you’re gone. Those are the days that hurt the most.

I have so many questions and so little answers and begin to act out in search of something, anything, to act as an escape and make my problems seem small and far away. That never lasts though, and I am forever reminded that my heart is always with you. Sometimes I don’t feel you here with me, I don’t see you in my dreams, there’s silence and I feel like you left me all over again; it is such a terrible feeling. It’s like having your hopes and dreams crushed in front of you, it’s like being told you were never good enough and never will be, it’s like jumping off a cliff and realizing you can’t fly.

You taught me that you never know when the last moment you will see someone will be and to not hold grudges, not to hold back because there isn’t time for that. You taught me to be everything I wanted and get everything I imagined, feel deeply and without regret. You showed me the kind of friends I want, the kind I want to be. Thank you. This was a higher love, a love that will last forever. As much as I want to be with you right now, I know my life will end when it is supposed to, I just hate accepting it.

My heart is different now, and every day is a fight to accept that. You are the only one I blurred my hard edges for, become soft and vulnerable for. You proved how malleable and prone to change we are, no matter our feelings towards it. I’ve always been drawn to the darker side of things but this year forced me to test what it is like to be positive and strong and every day I work on it. People constantly disappoint and it takes everything in me not to hide, remove myself, stop caring; I do it for you.

To this day I still lose myself trying to find myself and hurt a lot of people while I’m hurting. I don’t know when the pain will lessen or I will finally smile at your name; I don’t know if I will ever be okay or accept things as they are. I can hear your laugh; see your big bright blue eyes with heaven in them, your kindness and goodness I can feel. You were and still are my childhood bestfriend.

Until we meet again sunshine.

I love you!

#i miss you #letter to my childhood bestfriend #best friend #letter #rip #beautiful #me #sunshine #i love you #love

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15001700tt · 6 years

Text

Mix And Match

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.

Part #4

“If you blow that air-horn one more fucking time, I will beat the shit out of you with it.” Jong In’s voice broke through the silent room. Baekhyun's laughter rang through the closed door as he walked away. I turned to face him smiling at his threat. I ran my hands through his hair, he closed his eyes in return, bringing me closer.

“I hate you, baekhyun” he mumbled against my head, chuckling at him i untangled myself from him.

“Come on sleepy head, you have work.” i pull off the covers from his body as he whines more.

As we made our way to the dining hall, he filled me in on how the war is going. It didn't look good from our side. In my opinion, this war is pointless, we’re literally fighting over something that happened long time ago. I admit it was a stupid mistake on the Pack’s part bu i think they apologized. But then again, it was stupid mistake. Who in their mind thinks they can turn a baby vamp into a werewolf, because they wanted to end the feud between the two kinds. And so were suffering from their bad decisions. Even after the New Age, they didn't want to meet us halfway with our apology. The Pack is now fighting a war, although the casualties are small, that doesnt mean that the effects of it arent. Jong In and his knights found out that they were planning a surprise attack on them, and The Pack is planning a winning strategy and not a killing strategy.

Although they havent found one yet. But Jong In tells me that they might go on defense and try to make it out alive. That doesn't sound comforting at all.

The doors were open, i could see that everyone was present. I am guessing that Jong In was going to tell them the plan over breakfast so that the mates know too. I smiled at Minseok as he cheerfully smiled back at me. He was the only one that still hasnt found his mate, he looked lonely but i tried to help by hanging out with him while Jong In was in his meetings, we got really close and became really good friends.

Jong In started to explain his plan, as he talked, i made eye contact with Ji Mi and then Hyun Jin. we agreed silently that we want to go with them. We know how to fight like professionals and we would be good assets on their side. As Jong In came to a close and had decided that Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Minseok, Kyungsoo and Junmyeon. I interrupted.

“I want to come too.” i calmly added. Jong In started shaking his head furiously, Hyun jin and Ji Mi chimed in, “us too, we all know how to fight, we can help” Kyungsoo was wide eyed, while Baekhyun started shaking his head and refusing to even think of the idea.

“look , you said youre going to be taking the defense, that means we arent going to be in as much danger if we were taking offense, and you need more hands.” i persuaded.

“If i did i would take Yixing, Sehun and Jongdae if i needed but i am not going to put you in danger.” he retaliated. I wasnt going to give up.

“I am going to go” i stated. He shook his head.

“Were doing this for your safety. I am not going to be able to focus if youre in danger.” he added.

“Fine, but i dont like this.”

“If this helps, at least you can help protect the girls with Yixing and Sehun and Jongdae if they decide to attack the castle.” Junmyeon chhimed in trying to diffuse the tension. I looked at the two girls, they didn't look like they were going to give up. I smiled at their persistence even if they loved their mate to death.

3rd POV

Ji Mi didn't give up on the idea of going, but they needed a way to convince Kyungsoo, so after breakfast, Hyun Jin and Ji Mi took a walk around the gardens, and try to to figure out how to tag along to the battle. They stumbled against Yong Sang trying to convince her husband once again but no avail.

“He wont let me.” she huffed.

“Maybe if we seduce them into saying yes?” Hyun Jin suggested, they started to laugh.

“Thats funny, but it might work on Baekhyun but not Kyungsoo” Ji Mi rolled her eyes. Hyun Jin shrugged her shoulders and excused herself to go and try one more time with Baekhyun.

“What about you?” Yong Sang asked Ji Mi.

“I am thinking of proving to him that i can take care of myself.” she responded

“That might actually work” she praised. As they continued to walk, Yong Sang admitted that she might as well stay in the castle because Jong In wasnt going to budge especially since shes a princess and all.

“Its fine, i have a duty as a younger sister to protect the future queen.” she reasoned. Ji Mi nodded in understanding, she gets it but that doesnt mean she has to give up too. They parted ways and Yong Sang wished her luck.

“Can i at least prove that i can take care of myself?” Ji Mi said after a few tries of persuading him.

“I know that you can take care of yourself, but this is different then advancing suitors, this is a battle with vampires, who are ten times stronger and faster than humans” he retorted.

“But can i try still?” She pressed on.

“Fine lets see, but that i am still not letting you go” he agreed and started making his way to the training grounds.

As they arrived to the practice mat, he rolled up his sleeves and gave her small smile, before telling her, “try your best”, making her roll her eyes, before she got into her stance. She had a plan, she was going to go easy on him, then shock him with her swift moves. And so they started.

“Was that a punch? I couldn’t actually tell.” he teased when she feigned a punch to his face and he expertly avoided it. She tried to swing her other hand at him, he caught it before it made contact with his jaw, but this was what she was waiting for. As soon as he grabbed her hand she used all of her momentum and grabbed his and flipped him to the ground and victoriously sat on him.

“It seems all the Songs know that move” a voice started from the doorway, the initial shock wearing off and Kyungsoo relaxes under Ji Mi’s body and rests his hand on her waist as he turns to Baekhyun.

“You know, i feel like i should have expected this but i still didn't, what does that make me?” he dramatically said.

“Whipped” Baekhyun stated to answer his rhetorical question. With a laugh Ji Mi rolled of his body as he got up and made a face at Baekhyun’s smug one. Kyungsoo turned to Ji Mi and motioned for her to try again. Her stance was different this time, didnt have the obvious mistakes she faked the first time, but it had a professional feel to it, and Kyungsoo could feel his muscles tightening in anticipation. She stuck her leg out and tried to make his lose he footing but he successfully avoided it and tried to land a hit on her stomach, but she jumped back, she ackflipped out of the way, also trying to land a hit with her flipping feet. Kyungsoo swiftly but barely avoided it. His next move was to roundhouse kick but she blocked it with her hand and latched to his foot that was no hanging in the air. She twisted his foot and made him finally land on the mat back first.

“Never in my life have i seen someone beat the crap out of you so efficiently.” Baekhyun mused from his seat. He got up and wiped the sweat of his eyebrow. Ji Mi expected a scowl to be etched on his face, instead a small smile was playing on his lips.

“I am guessing Hyun Jin and Yong Sang have the same fighting style?” he conversed as he attacked Ji Mi, who barely processed his question.

“Same training just different style. Hyun Jin uses more bows and arrows and Yong Sang more daggers. But were all good with hand to hand” she revealed.

“Wow, our mates are awesome” Baekhyun wolf whistled. He watched as Kyungsoo kept attacking and she kept defending. She looked like she was concentrating hard to block but also to try to land a hit back.

“What about you?” Kyungsoo asked as he avoided a jab in the ribs. She then tried to grab onto his extended arm and hike herself on his back with one of his arms bend back. He hissed, before she let his arm fall back to its normal position.

“My specialty would be swords and martial arts.” she responded falling from his shoulders onto the mat before jumping up from the ground. And dusting off her pants.

“Do you also happen to use seduction as a fighting technique?” Baekhyun asked abruptly causing Kyungsoo to growl at his comment.

“Not Ji Mi, i meant, Hyun Jin literally just tried to seduce me into saying yes” he explained. Kyungsoo burst out in laughter, Ji Mi chuckled, shaking her head.

“She thought that would help.” she admitted. A second after she was blocking a surprise attack from Kyungsoo’s fisted hands. She twisted them and kept them against his back.

“So can i please come with?” she asked still holding him hostage.

“No” he gritted out. She huffed before she maneuvered his hands in front of him and flipping him again towards the floor but face plastered against the floor. Once again she sat on him.

“Please?” she whined.

“How the fuck do you keep doing that?” Baekhyun exclaimed. “He's heavy as fuck and you just flipped him like no big deal!” he continued.

“No i didn't, he did” Ji Mi innocently said, from on top of a sighing Kyungsoo.

“She uses my own strength and momentum” he murmured, as he flipped around and was now on his back. He looked sideways as the gaping BAekhyun.

“Wow she really is your mate” he said, he got up and headed toward the exit.

“Where are you going?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I want to find out how Hyun Jin fights just for research purposes” he yelled back before disappearing. Ji Mi looked at Kyungsoo with a raised eyebrow.

“He wants to get laid.” he grumbled

“And you will not if you dont let me come with” she countered, his eyes growing wide and mouth wide open.

“How is that fair? I am trying to keep you out of danger, and i am trying to come back safely and you still wont reward me?” he whined. She shook her head rolling off of him.

“You wont die because of lack affection if you dont die in the battle.” she waved off as she grabbed her water.

“It sounds almost like you want me to die out there” he faked his hurt.

“Well at least as youre taking your last breath, you realize i could have saved your life if you took me with you” she huffed and turned away from him. He took a few steps and hugged her from behind.

“You're scared” he stated.

“Shitless” she breathed out.

#kyungsoo #exo #exo ot9 #exo fanfiction #ot9 #baekhyun #chanyeol #chen #exo fanfic #kai #jongin #scenarios

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ladyvixen5-0 · 6 years

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Curiosity Killed the Cat ; Part 2.

Imagine: that you’re basically apart of the ‘Scooby Gang’ and have been gone from Riverdale for the year before coming back to only find out that everything’s changed. Death and all, so when visiting a surprised Jughead, Sweet Pea shows up and Sparks a flame in your pretty little badass mind - Part 2! This was requested awhile back, if you don’t remember this imagine. Here is part 1

You’ve basically known Sweet Pea for a good Seven months. That’s how long it’s been since the two of you met at Jugheads Trailer. You can honestly say that even though he’s your best friend. You have completely fallen in love with him. Sure he isn’t pure as most hearts in this town but it didn’t really matter to you. Yet you don’t want to ruin what you both have, he means the world to you and you don’t think you can afford to lose him. Archie just got used to the fact that he’s was your friend, which is relieving as hell. At this point, you were thinking of telling Jughead and get his opinion on all of this.

You slowly walked up to Jugheads trailer as you knocked on the door. “(Y/N), hey."Jughead said, hugging you as he smiled.

"Juggie, How’s things?"You asked as he pulled away.

"Good, great actually.. but I have a feeling this isn’t your annual house call. What’s wrong?” Jughead asked as he walked to the kitchen, grabbing something out of the fridge before returning with two soda’s, sitting down with you on the Sofa.

“You know me so well, Jones."You said with a laugh, taking a drink as you looked at him.

"So what is it?"Jughead asked, fixing his beanie.

"Sweet Pea."You said, sending him to cough on his drink.

"Is this where you tell me that you’ve helplessly fallen in love with the asshat?"Jughead grinned as you laughed, slapping his shoulder.

"That obvious, huh?"You asked as he arched his eyebrow.

"Considering you’re wearing his Jacket, and all you ever do is spend time with him? Duh."Jughead stated, causing you to blush before sighing.

"So what do I do, Jug? I don’t want to lose him."You asked as He nodded his head.

"You need to talk to him, Just go to his place and try okay?"Jughead told you as you thought to yourself. "Besides, You’re (Y/F/N) fucking (Y/L/N). If he doesn’t see your worth? He isn’t worth it."He assured you, causing you to laugh softly before smiling and ended up hugging him tightly.

"Thanks Jug."You said as he rubbed your back. "Anytime, Sunshine."He chimed.

You left Jughead’s trailer that night, driving to Sweet Pea’s.

You noticed an unfamiliar bike in the driveway once you arrived at the familiar trailer. "You’re my best friend, you never have to knock.” You recalled Sweet Pea saying that day, however. Tonight night made you wish you had. The front door was slightly open, You noticed Sweet Pea conversating with a girl, a beautiful one at that.

“You’ve changed so much. All to that girl that Jughead knows, for what? Some fun? How am I supposed to know you’re serious about this job?"The girl asked, the Serpent Jacket on her back signature she was one of them.

This point you thought Sweet Pea would stand up for you.. "I haven’t changed, that girl doesn’t mean anything, just some Northside play toy. Okay? I can handle this."Sweet Pea snapped. At that point, you felt your heart drop to your stomach. You couldn’t believe anything you were hearing at that point, but you knew it was true.

Sweet Pea was just using you, for seven months that was. All the late night hang outs, the milkshakes at Pop’s. Drag races, movies, walking you home that first night. You couldn’t believe how stupid you were. Yet the memories of happiness was the least damage. The issue what really broke you was that he called you ‘Just some Northside Play toy.’ that had brought you back to the night you first returned and how you were attacked by ghoulies. That is what really made you lose control. But maybe you were dazing. So doing the most idiotic thing, you stayed and listened.

"Oh yeah?"The girl asked him as she got in his face. "Prove it."She whispered with a smirk, kissing him as he was in shock. That was it, that was your final straw. You had backed away from the door, as something had ran down your cheeks. You didnt realize that at this point you were crying. You didn’t know why you seemed so damn shocked at this. You just threw his jacket down, it knocked over a glass on his porch sending it to shatter and more than likely draw attention in the process. Yet you didn’t care.

You ran to your car as you pulled out of the driveway, a concerned Sweet Pea standing on the porch as you sped out onto the road. You didn’t even bother to look back at the boy who just broke your heart.

***

It’s been about two weeks, over 100 missed calls from Sweet Pea, non-stop knocking on your door at home. You couldn’t bring yourself to face him. Toni had called you, of course you didn’t have any reason to hate her but you never knew if it was her or Sweet Pea calling. Those chocolate eyes of his clouding your memory made it hard not to pick up the phone to call him. Or the reminder of his strong arms holding you when you two were on his couch chatting about your crappy days.

You finally went back to school today, a worried Betty and Veronica rushing up to see you. "Are you okay? Jughead told me, you haven’t answered our calls."Betty said as you gave her a weak smile.

"I’m cool now, Betty. I just needed time, you know?"You said softly as Reggie and Archie walked over.

"I Hope you know, Jughead let him have it. Like full blown."Archie mentioned as he wrapped an arm around Ronnie. You smiled softly as you glanced at the two, sighing at how it reminded you of how Sweet Pea held you when you two hung out with Toni and Fangs.

"Guys really, I’m fine. I just want to enjoy this last day of school before we all are eating Thanksgiving turkey and puking out feathers until Christmas."You joked as Reggie wrapped you in a hug and ruffled your head.

"That a girl."He teased as the five of you walked to class.

Meanwhile on the other side of town, a familiar quote drove Sweet Pea over the edge. "You see, if we love someone. We don’t hurt them, at least we try not to. We want to protect them. Even if it means you do have to hurt them. Even if you didn’t mean to.” The English teacher said as Sweet Pea slammed his hand down and stormed out, Jughead arching an Eyebrow as he stood up and followed him, along with Toni and Fangs.

“Sweet Pea, Slow down!” Toni Yelled as the group followed him outside.

“I Fucked up! I hurt her, I didn’t mean to. I just, needed Gina to believe me so I can find out who the hell is selling this Jingle Jangle. I didn’t know (Y/N) would be there. I need her okay? She might be a Northside Princess, but she’s my Northside Princess, my best friend.."Sweet Pea said, the unexpected happened.

Toni saw a genuine tear slip down his cheek as Jughead sighed. "Why didn’t you tell us Sweet Pea, we’re your friends. We would have understood!"Jughead snapped as Sweet Pea glared.

"I didn’t want to involve you, if something would’ve happened to you she would’ve kicked my ass."The young boy yelled as Toni walked to him.

"Alright, let’s calm down, okay? Now do you want to get (Y/N) Back or not?"Toni asked as Sweet Pea looked down at her.

It didn’t take long for Jughead to explain it to the others and how they needed to lure you to Jughead’s trailer that night. That was when Betty called you, you still had your school clothes on and luckily your shoes. Because what she told you nearly gave you a heart attack. ”(Y/N)! Jughead’s been beaten up by some ghoulies, I need help!“Betty said, sounding concerned.

"Fuck, okay. Uh, I’m on my way."You said as you hung up. You grabbed your ball cap and slipped it on as you headed out.

Betty and the others were all at Pop’s as she hung up the phone. "Well?” Toni asked as Fangs was leaned over the back of the booth.

“She’s on her way."Betty said as Jughead took a breath.

"Let’s just hope my trailer is still in living condition by the time it’s over."Jughead stated as Ronnie patted his back reassuringly.

"Jughead? Betty?” You asked as you hurried into the trailer, it was empty. Which now you recall, That wasn’t Jughead’s bike in the driveway.

“Sorry, they’re not here."An all too familiar voice said as the door shut behind you with a lock.

"What the Hell?"You cussed as you turned around, there he stood. The boy who literally recked your world.

"Hey."He said quietly as you tried to walk past him.

That however didn’t work as the strong Serpent member pulled you back"Let me out of here, Sweet Pea."You said, glaring at hi.

"Sorry Princess, no can do."Sweet Pea said as you felt shivers go down your spine. You loved to hear his nickname for you. Yet at this point you just wanted to rip his throat out.

"Don’t you dare fucking call me that!"You snapped as you shoved him off.

"Come on, don’t be like that."He said as you felt tears form in your eyes.

You Rose your hand and slapped him across the face, as hard as you could. He just stood there, turning back to face you. "I deserved that."Sweet Pea mumbled as he rubbed his cheek.

You pushed him back away from your body to avoid any contact. "You deserve way worse, you dick.” You glared as he stumbled backwards. He stopped as you went to smack him again, this time he caught your hand as you tried to pull your hand back from him. Instead he just pulled you to him.

“Let go, Sweet Pea."You stated as he shook his head.

"Not until you hear me out."He said as you freed your hand.

"There isn’t anything for me to hear out! I’m a mistake, I don’t mean anything, Remember? I’m just some Northside play toy."You recalled, those words making you hurt all over again.

Sweet Pea shook his head. "It was fake, okay? I had to make Gina believe you didn’t mean anything so I could find out about the damn Jingle Jangle."He tried explaining. You glared before you looked away. "You’re my friend, I would never hurt you on purpose."Sweet Pea said quietly, taking his fingers as he pulled your chin back to make you look at him. You knew in that moment that he was telling you the truth, because not once did he hesitate.

"You jerk, why the hell didn’t you tell me you were going after the Jingle Jangle Creator?"You muttered, slapping his chest.

Sweet Pea held his hands up before chuckling."Because, I didn’t want to put you in danger or at risk of being hurt, Princess."Sweet Pea explained as you crossed your arms.

"Too late for that."You mumbled as he sighed.

"I get it, I’m sorry. Okay? Now can you please just forgive me?"Sweet Pea asked as it was your turn to sigh.

"Of course I forgive you, Sweet Pea."You stated as Sweet Pea went to wrap you up in a hug. "But, I can’t be your friend anymore."You said, you seen the hurt in his eyes. You wanted things to be normal, but you knew they couldn’t be. Because you loved him, and you couldn’t pretend you didn’t.

"What? I- I don’t understand, I told you what I said didn’t mean anything."Sweet Pea said, getting frustrated as he tugged at his own hair.

"We just can’t be friends, okay? It’s that simple."You said quietly, grabbing your purse and walking to the door once more.

Your hand was on the knob but that didn’t last long as he grabbed your arm."Simple? No, simple is actually giving me a damn reason. Not just walking out on me. On our friendship."Sweet Pea snarled, spinning you around as he held both of your arms as you had tears in your eyes.

"We’re different! Okay? You’re a Serpent, Pea. I’m a Northside Princess, We just can’t be friends."You said trying to get out of his grasp.

"It didn’t chase you away when we met, what’s making you run now?"Sweet Pea asked with venom filling his voice.

"I can’t tell you."You said as he glared.

"Tell me."He stated as he pulled you away from the door and stood in front of it. "You’re not Leaving, until I get an answer."Sweet Pea stated.

Yet just as Sweet Pea, you were stubborn."I’m not telling you a thing."You remarked as he groaned.

"Stop acting like you’re two!"Sweet Pea snapped as you rolled your eyes.

"Then get out of my way!"You retorted, it took a few minutes before he shook his head.

"Whatever."Sweet Pea mumbled as he didn’t bother to even make eye contact with you.

It was killing you that this is how things were going to end, but you didn’t have a choice. You walked out of Jughead’s trailer as the group was outside, leaning against their cars."Happy?"You annoyingly spat as you brushed past a concerned Betty, who you just shrugged her off as you got into your car. This time you glanced back, just to see an angry Sweet Pea slamming Jughead’s door. You drove off that night, you didn’t have any intentions of going back over the south side of the tracks..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m so sorry it took so long, school hasn’t been the best to me and I’ve been sick a lot. I hope this long post somewhat makes up for it. I promise that the third part will be up to finish this mini-fiction up! @southsidequeenie @dazhane @m-a-u-r-aa @bethers85

#Riverdale #riverdale imagines #sweet pea imagine #southside serpents #riverdale serpents #i regret nothing #i really tried

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

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Episode 14 (Finale) | “All of this and more, but only in Autumn's World” - Autumn

So I figured out that Amir does have the idol and Jakey originally had it that round... damn I wish I looked a little more but I just didn't think Jakey had it. So that probably means that Autumn is going this round, and then I just need to find a way to win this next challenge over Amir. I know Kendall and I will vote together next round regardless, so worst case scenario next round for me is that I am in some kind of fire-making challenge, but I at least see there being a good chance that me and Kendall could be sitting in FTC together, and I'm just hoping at this point that it's Augusto sitting there with us. P.S. In the event that I make FTC... I really hope I'm not seen as a goat. Like, I don't think I am, but I'm not sure how much respect I'll get for my game. I'm hoping people see how savvy I had to be to continuously work my way back up after a couple blindsides and being pushed to the bottom, but you never know with this jury / cast. P.P.S. Please no pressure cooker next round. I'm not ready to have to beat Amir THAT way.

So I'll count that as half of a success. I was at least able to help convince Amir to play the idol he told me about to flush that, and with Autumn safe, the next option was to do Adam. Knowing that if Autumn did have the merge idol, she probably wasn't playing it on Adam, this was the next best option. I need Kendall and Augusto around because those are the two I'd like to bring to FTC if I can make it there. It makes sense to take them to the end as our games are all very similar, so at least we aren't against a winner at the end. Part of me thinks that bringing Amir may not be the worst thing in the world given he has screwed over a decent bit of that jury, but also, I'd rather not take that risk.

So now that that's done and I'm cute and immune, I can confirm it all. Yes I do have the merge idol, yes I've had it since Final 7 but planned not to play it until Final 5, and yes that makes me the most powerful person here. Deadass everyone wants my head on a stick and I don't give a single fuck. I'm chilling all weekend, letting them think they're doing something if/when I lose win immunity, and then I'm sending a man out on one vote Monday night. You think they hate me now? Wait til they find out they can't take a shot at me until Final 4 lmaaaaoo. Be blessed!

youtube

So Amir blames me for playing his idol... I think that's a win for me then, right?

I'm so glad I was able to take this challenge win! I needed to win this to guarantee I wasn't some kind of contingency plan. But now, it's about how can I guarantee a winner goes home. I've already kind of told Autumn she was in trouble (literally 0 point in lying to her about it) and have explained to both Kendall and Augusto that we should find a way to split the votes / guarantee that Autumn and Amir have no shot of working with one another and sending home one of the two people I want with me at FTC. I feel so close, yet so far away from the title of Sole Tumblr Survivor. I want this win so badly. I can't describe how much I want this win. I didn't come back just to have fun; I didn't come back just for maybe an ounce of redemption from Guyana, I came to win this mother-effer. I have at least a 25% shot at the moment, but I want to increase that number.

Final 5... it's so insane honestly because I never expected this of myself but I've played my ASS off (literally, that's why I'm flatter than a table top) especially these past few rounds. I'm kinda shocked that the clear targets are Autumn/Amir/TJ just given I have been a force in the game (subtly ofc) so its def a gag... but yeah. TJ winning the immunity was WORST case scenario because I wanted to come for that man's neck SO bad but we'll just have to get him next time. Amir having the merge idol isn't a SHOCK but it was interesting to say the least like rip telling me that but both his idol plays are gonna be kinda useless which helps my case! I know that Autumn said me and Kendall have been up Amir's ass but first of all... i'm a bottom so I would never BUT also I feel I've held my own this entire game so it isn't my truth in the slightest but I'll just have to prove her, TJ, and the jurors wrong if I got to. I've gone from flop (16th in Bhutan, 17th in Great Lakes, 12th in Socotra) to the top (6th in Flops, 2nd in Seychelles) but I am trying to WIN and wear my deserved crown, it's time I won something yknow.

Amir and I when my plan worked and NEITHER of us walked into jury yet again https://twitter.com/abridrakegraham/status/1222552252357005313 The kids HURTIN yall and I will 100% respect their privacy at this time. Like they really thought!!! They really thought they finally killed me and were probably singing ding dong the witch is dead all day and now look at em. They done lost the boy they all wanted to go to the end with, got severely played by me, AND still gotta see my face everyday. Someone check on Jordan Pines I wanna make sure he's not still holding his breath waiting for my demise. And I've teamed up with his other least favorite person? HOES MAD. But it's not just him- Kendall ready to fight Amir in PM's, TJ in his feelings on call during tribal, Augusto couldn't even find the words he was that shocked. It's all so glorious and I truly fucking love wrecking everyone's games. Amir was like I've never felt these emotions before/ this is one of the wildest moves I've ever been apart of and tbh I agree with Amir. This was batshit crazy but you know what the gag is? This is literally just another day in the mind of Autumn Hill Jury mad, the mayos mad, Augusto mad, and I'm literally on top on the world right now. Like I love Augusto yes but that move was the definition of powerful. Like it's not just playing an idol correctly. It's the fact that Amir came to me begging that I forgive him and that we work together again, I then agreed and admitted to having the idol to A WHOLE ASS WINNER, convinced Amir to tell the kids he had the idol, got everyone to feel super comfortable around me all night and day cause I knew "I was going," snapped in the tribe chat at 2:00 because I "just wanted people to be honest about voting me," got the kids to essentially then tell on themselves since they listed all the reasons why they were voting me, and then idoled out their king using his once closest ally. Liiiikkkee?? STIFF WHERE?? DEAD WHERE??? Bitch I'm playing to win ok I hope yall enjoying this master class I've put on cause I'm hanging it up after this. Unless yall get serious about having a TS version of Winners at War, then call me. But otherwise, yes I'm going ham because I have every intention of walking into the 2 time winners chat. I WANT TO ASCEND!!! So PSA: if my funeral is public knowledge, that means I ain't dying hahaha. Apparently everyone has nicknames for me and that might actually be my favorite part. Jakey calling the game Autumn's World all merge to the boys and TJ only referring to me as the Godmother?? iconic! You know I'd hate me too if I wasn't me, which is why I'm flattered by it all. They know damn well they're almost out of time to get rid of me and they've spent the entire fucking game hoping and wishing and praying and still can't pull it off. And them not targeting me out the gate like Jordan wanted has gotten soooo many people killed. But most importantly I have successfully played an idol now TWICE at Final 5.. And I sure did win back to back immunities at Final 4 and Final 3 in Crossroads so finding out this season has a final 2? Perfect let me dust off the blueprint real quick

https://twitter.com/rcgersnatalia/status/1168071613763342336

okay im going to work my ass of to win this but autumn and tj have both claimed they can do this really well, so like basically, tj cannot win immunity, i need to win or i may be absolutely screwed https://66.media.tumblr.com/583667e85060a36a2cccb8551baa27d5/tumblr_inline_oh5slaYgdO1tr4u58_500.jpg but as of rn, i was going no matter what if i didnt win immunity, i tried to make a story to autumn and we called for like 3 hours and i did my damnest to sell that tj is the problem with everything that happened last round and that i was down to vote augusto for real until tj really sold the plan out to augusto and i didnt want to go to rocks, but i played the idol out of fear that augusto-kendall-tj would 3-2-1 me so she believed there is a true rift in the beauties right now and has more of a reason to hate tj she is so fucking smart so she may have sussed it out and went along with it, but im hoping it worked??? idek but she said if she wins immunity she'll idol me she did admit she has the idol to me but maybe because she knew i already knew

I just... do I even have words anymore? Like, time and time again, I'm getting screwed over and I just... it's a good underdog story now. I just have to win this next challenge. I guess regardless I had to win this next challenge, but also, I was really hoping to not have to have as much concern as I do right now.

What was that?? oh cause I thought the yts who can't successfully kill me had said something https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Wux4HnZRY0 Another day, another body bag. THEY WERE SO SURE THEY HAD ME AHHHH I really have to laugh. Kendall was certain this was my funeral and I'm like nah baby it's yours. I'm still screaming that TJ would keep immunity for himself and let Kendall go to firemaking where she would 100% lose that's wild. Only for me to find out after that sis really was THE RAT??? Y'all set her up lmaaaooo. Now I really don't feel bad cause she ran from her karma long enough and if Amir had told me that shit before firemaking I really would've smoked her in the comp. Kendall had no business snitching to Jordan about an airtight unanimous vote and blowing up all her allies' games just to do right by an egom aniac. Then Jordan still died and she falls in love with his bestie boo TJ (he's playing you sis!!) who sensed she could die this round but didn't give a single fuck?? Absolute mess. She really got Devon, TJ, Amir, and Augusto to lie about it the whole game and they agreed because they knew if I ever find out the truth, I'd kill her on sight. Bitch I killed her anyway!!! So was it even worth it? Cause she still walked into jury but she got a better placement and a noble death, which miss Devon and Augusto cannot say. Too busy being lying https://media3.giphy.com/media/6DMfLQEhixGdW/source.gif I feel so affirmed though- every person who has come for me is either sitting in jury or is about to walk in. That's power- that's RANGE! Also I just wanna say to Devon while I'm here: you really gave me all that grief for considering you could be the rat when you, Amir, and Augusto were in on it and protecting Kendall the whole time??? Fuck outta here. Like whose fault is it really that you died Devon? I wanna know. You mad at me and Amir when you need to be mad at yourself for picking the wrong girl, which is on brand for straight white men but y'all not ready to have that conversation. Anyway! Kendall trying to undermine me the ENTIRE merge and using all these men to do it only to still get killed by me in the end?? Fucking love that shit. All of this and more, but only in Autumn's World

https://66.media.tumblr.com/143402720bb2766ebe14eb1d657e2ca6/tumblr_inline_o8662rxDt11tr4u58_250.gifv

Me before the challenge https://peopletalk.ru/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/tumblr_n49eidw5Zk1rsrbdko1_500.gif

Me after I went beast mode and embarrassed the men https://twitter.com/intoragnarok/status/1233477557565173762

I'm screaming at Amir asking me after if kept him strategically or out of loyalty and I'm like sis what do you think. I was not about to let the white knights get their way and give TJ the win all because he's a good car salesman. Like y'all should've seen that 1 hr plus discussion of TJ and Amir going back and forth on camera about who I have a better chance of beating and I'm just sitting there IMMUNE taking notes, knowing neither of them wanted this. The power that that has, the intelligence that that has, the clearance that that has, the access that that has. Amir and TJ planning to kill me and then being thwarted once again is arguably my two favorite storylines. TJ wanted to do this the ENTIRE MERGE and I never let him succeed. And Amir wanted to be the one to say he killed me cause he's Mr. Smith when I'm Mrs. Smith and my ass spared him and helped him several times. Now look at em, getting third and second. I made a joke at Final 5 that Amir and I are the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith and it's so true. I adore him as a person and I know he loves me too but we're not above killing each other. Hell we genuinely want to kill each other but time and time again we chose to kill everyone else instead lmao.

So please enjoy this visual walkthrough of our wild ass partnership

(when we met at merge) https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3f/48/5e/3f485e53a56fb43c62c22c0790e8afd7.gif

(when we voted together at Final 11 and Final 10) https://media1.giphy.com/media/l3Ucho9gtq4b7SLok/source.gif

(when I caught Amir in a lie and killed Devon as retaliation but still wanted to work with Amir) https://media0.giphy.com/media/l3UcotueAJQAW0zjW/source.gif

(when Amir killed Ali and Adam to piss me off) https://66.media.tumblr.com/eebc1dc0a509a652ea543aba82bcb1c5/tumblr_ojjk22iVXM1uhcmrao1_250.gifv

(when Amir tried to get back in my good graces at Final 5) https://66.media.tumblr.com/3b157a36601820370897ace6673af493/tumblr_n17egq7Hdq1r7fawxo4_r3_250.gifv

(when I agreed to the winners pact and got him to kill Augusto and Kendall with me) https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DefiniteVapidDogwoodtwigborer-size_restricted.gif

(when he kept trying me at Final 4 and Final 3/ saying he'd kill me) https://i.gifer.com/3lie.gif

(when I snapped and took Amir to Final 2, like I said I would, and we both knew he'd lose beside me) https://66.media.tumblr.com/d1f3506fc873a7d2393d705a7f58065d/tumblr_mgooqovRHw1qkdoj2o1_500.gif

mood after everything that's happened and me making FTC again- we out here. Coming out of retirement has been good to me https://twitter.com/emrific/status/1235072497055227907

(final 4) oh dear me this one is a tuffyyyy wuffyyy.... okay okay. so its f4, tj thinks im voting with him and kendall to vote autumn. Autumn thinks im voting with her against kendall to make it firemaking. basically, i was originally gonna vote autumn, and i told autumn and she was like fk no so i told her im convinced but i am STILL UNSURE So if I vote kendall: autumn has to win fire making which like statistically i do not see kendall beating autumn, but then tj takes me to final 2 over autumn, and autumn will take me to final 2 over tj, she also threatened to make jury hate me if I cut her now which doesn’t really scare me tbh if I’m next to kendall anyway, but regardless of that threat, me going with tj and autumn gives me a 66% chance of winning this game. If me or Tj win final immunity, I think I win this game. If Autumn wins, then uhhhhggg she will probs take me but like we will thee i just hope she doesnt win final immunity If I vote autumn: me or kendall have to win final immunity, because if tj wins, then I’m getting third place, and kendall would probably take tj as well, so like, yeah i would beat them both at the end but i would be putting myself in a position where i have to win immunity but idk . i think voting kendall is better as i type dis

final 3 oh my gooooodddd, the fact that i am here is so surreal 2 me, and idk idk this immunity is gonna be the deciding factor of my game and im so nervous but also happy and proud of myself however this game turns out. hoyoyoyooyoy

SO MISSS AUTUMN JUST UHHHHHHHH wooped me arse in immunity and me and Tj had to PLEAD for ourlives but she ended up TAKING MEEEEEEEEE so partyyy Honslee tho, while this is gonna make winning 90x times harder, I am pretty happy to be sitting next to Autumn cuz our end game mr. and mrs. smith alliance is highkey iconic af ewnfewkjfnewkjnf like we killed each others allies and somehow have been aligned since early merge and I lied to her and somehow we always came back and protected each other and if i don't win im happy she will <3 but with that said, i gotta take her DOOOWNNN

AUTUMN WINS 8-1

#BackWithVengeance

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

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I woke up again and there was someone pulling at by me like tug of war. Over my body. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom away from the situation. But I was In So much pain.

The pulling helped but ... Like there's no solution.

Snoop helped me many years ago about 6 or 7 to get on the right medication to stabilize my heart and to get me all better and healthier with the help of pills.

He is the only one that did. I wrote about him but used his personal name "Calvin"

Because he was my personal friend. My personal guidance counselor.

He was with me every minute of the day "you need to take a pill about right now I see that pain about to be kicking up"

"You think you can get a different medication not like weed but a pill because this one ain't working"

He was truly my doctor. So i respected him and his privacy and just called him Calvin.

So marrying on his date of choice... "But why snoop?"

I'll give you two reasons. One he was my doctor that got me to the actual local doctor that could prescribe.

Two the whole fold out was over the world wide drug addictions y'all have. Y'all all know you're doing less recreational drugs during rehab with your family and friends in your house -- i mean Quarentine. Wow that secret came out quick out my mouth.

79% less "street" drug use worldwide.

To celebrate 4.20.2020 is an appropriate date..

The 20.20.20.20 goes on and in indefinite.

Y'all know Snoop smoke for a reason and he drink and he take Tums. Like no mother effer know.

Here's our momma helping yall find it. Follow her face she point right down to it.

Same ole game. The Distraction Method.

They went to have sex and her I am all now look and focus on these here Tums. I ain't even wanting to share the post but it's a good PSA for all. So i will.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B92p2Z2H9WW/?igshid=1xwks2o8nb2p5

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A post shared by snoopdogg (@snoopdogg) on Mar 17, 2020 at 4:56pm PDT

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Best Friens. We always got each other's back.

And we got yours. We got safer and healthier and funner FDA approved street drugs.

We will honor old time commitment of old fashioned door to door street sales. Face to face.

Of the Human entitlement. That is something our bodies can and will do without provoking dangerous pain... Just stiffness at times y'all forget to stretch and use them muscles but getting up and walking next door for door to door sales will stretch them body parts right up correct.

I had to get on a "new" prescription today. Hopefully my doctor honors it. I asked for an emergency prescription and I'll talk to her about my other, toppamax in a few weeks.

But Snoops was the one that said I needed something for Fibromyalgia. And encouraged and helped and watched me to ensure I was okay.

He is the one that prayed and worried when the muscle relaxers were too strong and i couldn't swallow. And i could died. Because of Flexeril. Because I been on it too long and it was approved for two weeks max. So i got on a completely different medication for it. And it worked for every day long term yearly use.

So he believes in the world's herbs and medicine. Chamomile. Ginger. Rose Hips. Echinacea.

So four twenty will go on.

I always and he did felt like 420 honors the Earth and its medicine. Not just getting high. But the spirit of Mother Nature.

So marrying on 420 symbolizes that Mother Nature will Continue on. Humans are marrying not just their soulmates and/or Just accepting them as they are.

They are committing themselves to our Planet and it's health and wealth

Hence y'all Quarentine.

Y'all going inside and fighting back this illegal alien caused diseases. Although we committed to changing it and wanting it to spread. Y'all fight the sole reason of its existence. Illegal aliens trying to take control by damaging our precious and beloved planet that we belong to.

Not everyone is getting married. Only y'all on Ships and those in Compton on a specialized piece of magic made equipment approved by Mother Nature.

The ships y'all are on run by paddles 110% guaranteed not to harm sea or wild life. I have committed to Mother Nature and all she loves when building those ships. And to yours and our safety and sanity aboard.

These ships cause no pollution and are sanitized by lights that recharge by laying on ships docks when they run out of energy.

Jesse Number 2 helped me design a way to capture UV rays that are harmless. Not radio active. And perfect to sanitize. What makes laundry clean and crisp in the sun. What we used to long ago to sanitize and clean all our instruments BEFORE aliens came with microwaves. Light form the Sun. So Jesse Number 2. I'll tell you right now. He is Einstein.

So his getting in trouble and kicked outta school. It ain't gonna end. In fact i used that theory he was a bad boy. I left it in him. I didnt correct him. I let that evil sniffer inside him. Because I knew one day that mischief could be used to my benefits. He is so loving and his desire to reach others to teach and be a Nigger is so strong he can't handle it. And his hate for aliens. So deep he had to experiment a way to dispose of them all without the use of magic so it's automatic done.

His wish is granted. Einstein I thank you for Your mischief. Your complete soul level on your own not including your soulmate or any others you drag along with you (kids like me) is -141812711219102.

For your development in Science.

Social level is about 3.

My science level is a little less than yours. Setting about 12 shelves down.

Snoop Science level is -4120191218451687431.

But he's inactive. Thus he is a fortune of information. And has a Science Tree named after him -- which means it captures his personality -- his spirit. And he hides behind the Tree of Einstein adding in deluxe phrases and at times mischief.

The difference is that Snoop knows the words to express what Einstein does. While Einstein only has the heart. So things go wrong at times when it has a delicate balance such as plutonium bombs.

Unfortunately they were stolen from Einstein.

So in the science Scale Eisenstein is lower because of his inability to speak and only feel.

He is autistic mute. Which is why he got kicked out of school. Be aware of the different children you have in the world and how gifted they are. Learning the story of Beethoven will change your entire world and understanding of disabilities.

Einstein cannot perform if must speak.

Snoop doesn't wanna get his hands dirty but he can explain a performance

So the rest of the time with Einstein will be posted and you'll see the truth behind the bombings that closed the NHRA.

I didn't want my babies working. I didn't want them having the stress of competition with each other. I just wanted them to stop for a little while and clear their heads of all that traffic going to their minds.

And let them do what they needed most. War. To finish this fight against human trafficking.

Its not over. Quarantine is for your safety So no one is stolen or bought. We can keep track of you easier.

This is why we meme The Corona.

Because there's a serious SERIOUS real reason we are stopping people from being in the streets.

No one can drug and kidnap you If every one is hyper aware of getting sick

A BIG TIME KIDNAPPER NATHANIEL RELEASED THE KILLER VIRUS INTO CHINA. 175709 EXPERT E. WAS THE DISEASE NAME. THE SOLE. THE #1 ISSUE IS THE CONCRETE FOUNDATION OF EVERYTHING HAPPENING.

This is why we chose not to eradicate the virus. We could yall know. That's why it's in meme.

Jazmine didn't know she followed her heart and voted to change. Her vote was the deciding vote. It was split down the middle. From her spine her backbone for her soul she shouts "Thank y'all for listening to your hearts, too!!!" My kids were scared. Sometimes panic stricken. But they kept going because they knew in their hearts it had to be done. Jazmine says "i didn't know how strong I could be. We've never poisoned so many people!!! But mom and North Korea made it fun and saw how necessary it was. Thank you Kim Young Jon!"

"Kim Young Jon really lighted our hearts to allow us to continue our mission by making jokes about constipation and such So we really just tried to give it to those folks that are evil with constipation!! And it worked! And we feel much better because we had help from the leader of North Korea, Kim Young John" adds Chastity. The quiet one no one knows about. Because she's Chaste. Celibate. Celebration. The girl behind the power of Purity and Joy. "No one knows but I do like my job. Like a lot!"

She admits its been hard and i found All the girls on TV last night so dad will edit in How you can find tree filmed life for them

I will say you will see my kids telling their dad they will date and/or marry them. Its not a daddy complex or sugar daddy thing. It was to keep illegal aliens from taking over his body and also trying to marry him. Keeping him safe and pure for me. So understand that and you can see the films proper. They are tricks. To prove love and devotion to their parent's marriage. They go on "dates" but it's little 3 year old toddlers going out with their Father. It is pure. Just realize the plot lines.... Its sneaky mystery. He knows they are his kids and they know he is their dad. Its simple. Its s conglomerate camouflage to protect themselves, me and dear old dad. Its a real beauty and treasure to see.

And now due to the Ocean Wide Marriage of Mother Nature using her soulmates as power. Never do those occurrences have to happen again.

Now I can say "it's daddy date time lets get you all ready" I can get all my girls dressed and ready and go out with my sons. Then we switch. "Its mommy date time" and the girls get all ready.

Because we are keeping it feminine and old fashion where the girls are taken out for a romantic evening and the parents teach the children proper etiquette and dating procedures.

So the movies he posts are a prelude to our future fun. Although they were seriously and honestly protecting his life.

So although our children are and will be married we will still intervene and remind them to change things up a bit. Come out with us on 2 trial runs check your comfort, expand your mind. Then go out single and have fun.

My mom all my mom's have had agoraphobia. So i get it too, sometimes. So this helps me. So when he wants to take me out someplace unfamiliar to me, new and strange. I am more relaxed. And I enjoy it more. Because I've gone with 2 groups to basically go check the place out for its saftiness and quality.

So, im happier knowing he's picked a good safe place for me to enjoy.

But agoraphobia aside. It is simply beautiful.

Its a Mary Poppins trait. Take the kids. See if it is kid approved then take the whole family to impress the damming father of their knowledge of the restaurant

Its a rich NYC establishment of Socialite traits.

Its absolutely historical. And missing on this Earth.

Our Steam ships will provide times for those "dates" for everyone aboard.

Its great for large families. I have 16 daughters. In groups of 8 we have a nice large meal and great table outing where we can talk and laugh and enjoy each other

Our plans are 2 girl dates and 4 boy dates per week then 1 large dinner table for all.

We have 18 boys.

So two groups of girls of 8 each.

2 groups of boys 9 each.

That's 4 nights of switching with mom and dad.

2 nights of single dates and/or brother sister switch dates which pushes a week into 2 week time frame for specialties.

Every 6 weeks.

Then dinner dates with entire family.

So trees arrange every thing the tables and set up so we can relax, all plans are premwde and preset and predictable. Based on patterns of behavior.

Like I know a 2 week one is a mystery adventure so it's got practical jokes and such to be tricky thus the dinners also have 6 family dinners.

Its spooky scary so kids scream, "I want my mommy!!"

So we all feel good and right as a family it's a live show and humans do it with magic so,then,we also take our turn to do them at their dinner and we dine earlier to make plans.

So the plans aren't laid out. We have bets and guesses what one will do we made long long ago. So we make money that way.

Because we are wealthy. But also for the "lower classes of finances" the mystery solving does earn money. Including Some for wild and fun completely wrong theories will earn a grand prize if it is a solid and GOOD foundation i can build on. There's tons of prizes and fun.

Every 6 weeks. Because the best schools have 6 weeks intercourses then a grade.

So ours is 6 weeks of yall being you then us performing a show and fucking your minds and lives all up for 2 weeks

So when you get home and kids do go to school it is 6 weeks of school. 3 weeks off 2 of which include vacation of international travel.

Which means you go to NYC visit Little Italy. Or you go to San Antonio and visit the Alamo. Go to Alaska and find a Russian Muesuems. Or you simply stay home and go to Muesuems of the past i have created.

International travel does include watching movies of REAL LIFE which will be labeled correctly or if incorrectly a prize for labeling correct like Snoop ssys in this video.

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A post shared by snoopdogg (@snoopdogg) on Mar 17, 2020 at 10:00am PDT

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Note y'all all will have enough money to go over seas but sometimes your family will come visit you. Or you just need rest or wanna explore your own territory.

So history is considered international travel. So you can look at your own home tree made movies.

Then you earn a prize. A souvenir.

So you watch you and you be all dam man i love this lamp i keep seeing. -- i for real bought this lamp and it was so filled with love all i wanna do is wrap,my arms around it.,Idk,why but i miss it and I want it back so bad. I'd take it on vacation i love that big ass lamp. -- so if i see it and i can label every single person correctly in that movie. Then i get the lamp.

So say you know something was destroyed. Broke to high Hell. Dumped in the garbage lit on fire.

Momma gonna get it for you. Out of 8 tons of trash on top of it. And I gonna fix it how you loved it. You had a sticker on the bottom of your eye rolling phone? It will be there. Just the way you had It.

It don't matter what happened to it. I'll magic find it. Fix and you'll get it. All magic. All you gotta do is love that object with your whole being.

Mary Poppins. I won't even know. But momma gonna get it.

Now, ole George had something you wanted... Fine old diamond ring and watch set you always slipped an eye to.

Daddy gonna buy you one Just like it. Father Christmas aka Christopher Columbus promised it Will get built. All your favorites.

Now we say we gonna do it. But we asked the true magic God could we please??.

In 2008 he said in 2020 y'all waited enough.

So we take that credit from nursery rhymes because we are the messengers m

If my father is The One True God

And he created just this planet just for me to keep me safe and it was invaded.

Then I would be Jesus a girl. And i have found out i can not forgive. So welcome to Corona.

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