#which means i do have to acknowledge that some of them had diagnosed personality disorders!!!!

[duchessofostergotlands]

To be honest I haven't liked the things Catherine has been saying about mental health lately. First that talking therapy doesn't help everyone, now this. For a royal to say a short sentence or two about mental health... it can easily come across the wrong way & doesn't show nuance. Yes, talking therapy doesn't help everyone, but her saying this could discourage people from trying it out. Not everyone who feels anxious has a medical condition and needs medication, but some of us do!

Let's look at what she said (and buckle up, it's a long one):

Quote number 1: At an art therapy charity. Someone said writing music had been an easier way to get their feelings out than talking in a clinical space. Kate responded: "Talking therapies don’t work for some people, they’re not for everybody. It’s so important to have a range of therapies." She then followed it up by talking about how many people won't respond to talking therapies because of their own preconceptions about clinical spaces and so it's important to let those people know that there are safe alternative spaces like this charity where they can come for help in a way that works for them.

Unless you're asserting talking therapy does work for everyone and alternative therapies shouldn't be offered, I can't see what the issue is. It's 100% truthful. An analysis by the Child Outcomes Research Consortium found that only a third of children had recovered (i.e. they were no longer above the clinical threshold) by the end of therapy. About 40% responded they'd experienced no change at all. For adults it's slightly better but NHS Digital report only 50% of adults who access therapy have recovered by the time it's over. That's before we even get into the fact that talking therapies were built by and for predominantly white westerners and so large chunks of the population find them completely unhelpful, even actively damaging. There's an article here on that. So it's accurate to state that they don't work for everyone - for a variety of reasons - and alternatives need to be accessible for those who have reason to not trust professional services, or who had therapy and haven't recovered. In fact, this is a big problem in therapy because people often go into it thinking it'll fix things and then ending treatment without being "cured" is extremely difficult for them. And that issue is caused by precisely this unwillingness from the public and some professionals to be honest and acknowledge that talking therapies won't work for everyone.

Quote number 2: I can't find the full quote but essentially she said that normal anxieties should not be over-medicalised.

I wrote a whole thing about this, read that. I'm going to illustrate with an example from Drag Race. A few years ago there was a contestant who wasn't popular, I can't really remember why, but in their sob story episode they opened up about their clinical depression. And the reaction all over social media was "who cares? Everyone has depression!" But the thing is... they don't. In the US, where it was filmed, 2/3 of people don't have depression in their lifetime. We have created an environment where instead of normalising mental illness so those who have it feel accepted, we've overcorrected. And now it's cool and trendy to make stress into Anxiety Disorder, to making lying into gaslighting, to make your dick of an ex boyfriend's behaviour a Personality Disorder. All of which means that people who genuinely do have mental illnesses are taken less seriously and for conditions like mine (I have BPD) stigma is worse than it's been at any point since I was diagnosed 8 ish years ago. And that's not to mention medications for mental illnesses can be heavy duty. She was at an event for children and it's perfectly reasonable to question whether a doctor giving a child meds after a five minute appointment because the child said they were anxious is a sensible and healthy choice. It's there in the name - over medicalising. It's like any medical procedure. No one is saying you shouldn't cut someone's arm off if they have a serious infection and it's needed. But you shouldn't cut their arm off just because they got a paper cut. PS something slightly outside the scope of this because Kate can't be partisan but we talk about this a lot at work, the link between over-medicalising and poverty. A good article on that here.

I understand what you're saying about the fact that sometimes quotes are clipped out of context and royals need to think about what the headline will be but even taken out of context, all of her statements are accurate. And actually in my view it's the first time I've ever seen her be nuanced! I've always found her mental health work patchy because I feel like she unintentionally contributed to a lot of the issues I've outlined above but she's finally talking about things that are not talked about as much, even amongst professionals. I get your perspective because I was there a few years ago. When someone first mentioned the concept of over-medicalising to me I thought it was denying mental illness is real etc. But then I realised that knee jerk reaction was coming from my insecurities about my illness and my past experiences of struggling to get care, it wasn't actually about the concept itself.

#ask #anon #kate middleton #british royal family #mental health #mental illness #again having bpd is a really helpful diagnosis for this #because there's a huge movement within the bpd community to remove the diagnosis entirely #i don't completely agree but there are lots of people who believe that bpd is largely diagnosed amongst women who have experienced trauma #and so it's medicalising a normal human response to something traumatic

[wrotelovelytears]

If Astrology is Real..

yep I lied... sorta

♨The degree of your ascendant is the age in which you act the most like the sign. You might also physically embody the sign that rules that degree the most then, or start to do so.

♨Pisces with Aquarius placements say the most out of pocket things and come up with the most creative explanations/ insults.

♨Libras with Virgo placements care a lot about appearances, in a more muted and blending in way.

♨6th house Pisces have the wildest everyday experiences. They also have some very strong protection, even if they are a bit... Ditzy when it comes to trusting others

♨Scorpios with Libra placements can be some of the most openly expressive people when it comes to love.

♨12h house Leos (Virgo Risings) take everything personal. Like every time they called out its seen as them having a personal flaw that needs to be corrected. They will end up seeking reassurance that they aren't said flaw and try to consciously reject it while subconsciously embodying it due to focusing on it so much. 

♨I know people say Taurus placements hate drama, in reality they hate to BE in drama. They love all the messy stories and gossip however.

♨I'd argue that Taureans have more of a tendency to try to organize everything in their life more than Caps or Virgos. The second house is the house of self worth, so the more you can control the "higher" your self worth feels.

🕳That does mean they struggle a lot with the idea of letting go, it implies they can't control everything and have to simply let it go✨

♨Taurus women definitely the folks that had a "I hate pink👀" phase just to later admit they didn't want to get bullied for liking it when they were younger. (Of course this applies to Taurus men and enbies as well, I highlighted women because they easily fall victim to misogyny (internalized and other).

♨Sorry, imma say it. Sagittarius women have a high tendency to be very misogynistic. Like they all about women empowerment in terms of "I'm better than xyz" "Down with the Patriarchy" and "women should be in the same positions of power as men (regardless if said position is harmful for the masses)". Yet they view other women as competition for the spots they want, and will easily drag another woman for something they wouldn't want another to say about them.

Example... Nicki M

♨Bout to air out my fellow Scorpios. Its not healthy to defend your partner/ ex when you hear someone talking about their behaviors, when you know damn well you dragged them for the same shit. Stop defending stuff you don't like about someone you (did) like because only you can drag them.

~These next couple of observations shouldn't be used to diagnose anyone or yourself. If you believe that you or someone you know fits in any of these categories, please seek out professional help. And know you (and them) aren't alone~

♨Almost every single person I've known with Scorpio in their big three/ Venus has had a cluster B personality disorder(ASPD- psychopathy/sociopath, NPD- narcissist, BPD- borderline, HPD- histrionic) and/or some other form of Neurodivergence (typically ADHD or Autism, some were Bipolar or another personality disorder cluster).

♨Speaking of Neurodivergence, almost every Sagittarius placement ive known has had what most people think of when mentioning ND (Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, tuorettes ). It was especially prominent in those with Virgo/6th house placements.

♨Pisces and 12th housers might actually deny getting help. They would acknowledge there is a problem and even speak on how much it impacts their lives, and then say they don't want to go to therapy or a psychiatrist. Its not that they don't believe in the mental health field, its more of a unconscious fear of being judged or mistreated due to their differences. (Might have also actually sought out help in the past just to be misled or belittled)

♨Gemini can be linked to dysgraphia, dyscalica, dyslexia etc.

🕳Gemini rules over communication, hands and short term/ quick thoughts. Due to that people with certain planets or even Gemini ruled have a higher chance of having one of the above.

🕳The third house having certain placements as well. (Saturn with restricting, Neptune with confusion and the Sun with ego)

♨Pisces/12th house could be looked at in terms of Body dysmorphia. The reason being is the 12th house is linked to the subconscious as well as that which is hidden from us. While Pisces is linked to illusions and fantasy. Having a heavy concentration of either could lead to certain thoughts about oneself. The house Pisces is in could show the area in which BDD is had.

♨Martians (Scorpios and Aries) need to keep their mental health in check. Aries starts to suffer from headaches, migraines and vision problems related to stress. While Scorpios suffer from reproductive organ issues (endometriosis, PCOS, erectile dysfunction etc) as well as increased bladder infections + hemorrhoids. 

🕳Both these signs have a tendency to internalize stress (yes, even the imma punch you Aries), and their body suffers until they release it (healthily).

♨People with heavy Venusian (Taurus and/or Libra) traits need to look out in terms of stress experienced via relationships. When they get too stressed it starts to effect their metabolism. Higher lactic acid (leg cramp juice) and higher cortisone (stress juice) can lead to thyroid problems and  bladder issues (infections galore).

♨Capricorns, while being known for good bone health are probably suffering due to Pluto being in Cap right now.

🕳Pluto being the planet of extremes means folks are pushing themselves further or just having some bad health in terms of their bones.

🕳The house Capricorn is in can hint to what bones are more effected during this time. (Check both your current Solar return and Natal chart)

  🕳12th~feet and ankles, they probably hate you right now. In fact you should probably invest in some better shoes/see a podiatrist

  🕳2nd~ your neck/ upper spine... invest in a neck pillow

  🕳5th~ your spine and ribs, be careful while lifting things and sitting certain ways. Back pillows will be your best friend

♨Libras have a higher chance of being constipated (having IBS-C) while Virgos have a higher chance of diarrhea (having IBS-D).

🕳Libras also need to be careful in terms of hemorrhoids, reverse anus (please don't google this, if you do that's ya own fault hardheaded), and colon issues.

🕳Virgos need to be careful with dairy (the amount of lactose intolerant Virgos 🥴), gluten and any allergies they have because their guts (and ass) will definitely suffer if not.

♨Yet another point on Virgos... High stress leads to bad gut health. Bad gut health leads to bad mental health. The guts and mind are connected, please look out for both.

Any who... Err I am not "back" per say. I've just decided that its always going to be more important to take care of my physical and mental wellbeing. That does mean even when I like something I can't just push myself. I'm still healing from my surgeries and whatnot, yet being not able to walk around much has made my brain go on overdrive. So that three second "break" I took still applies. I'm just not going to be dramatic or whatever bout it anymore.

And no my readings are NOT open. At least not for now.

(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my masterlist. Kofi: nymphdreams🧸)

#nymph writes astrology #astrology #astroblr #astro tumblr #astrology observations #astro notes #astro observations #astrology tumblr #health astrology #scorpio #pisces #aquarius #libra #virgo #taurus

[roo-bastmoon]

"I can't stand your kumbaya OT7 fake cheeriness. Be ffr."

First and foremost, I will always advocate that you police your own experience. PLEASE mute / block / unfollow me if my posts (and just my personality in general) are causing you distress. I never wish to be the source of problems in the world. So go with my blessing.

But second...

I hope you know there are some really good REASONS why I'm so "kumbaya" right now.

In my 44 years living on this space rock, I have:

--had a vicious abusive alcoholic parent who broke my nose when I was a kid

--been through my parents' nasty divorce that left us so poor we lived out of a car and ate one meal a day so our cats could have cat food

--developed disordered binge eating because I believed it was necessary during my semi-pro ballet days

--was sexually assaulted by a partner who professed to love me

--had not one but TWO diagnosed narcissistic bosses who made my beloved workplaces hell for years

--survived (so far) uterine cancer which took away my ability to ever be a bio-mom, something I'd always wanted for myself

I look at this laundry list of trauma (for which I am seeing a WONDERFUL therapist) and think to myself:

"Even so, I've lived such a cushy, privileged, safe and happy life. I've got four higher degrees; I've traveled the US and through Europe; I've worked on creative and charitable projects that I'm proud of; I've got a small band of wonderful real-life friends who stuck by me for the past 30+ years. It's been a good and meaningful life."

But I am TIRED of drama and I've had a lifetime supply of harsh words and meanspirited discourse. I'm just so fed up with it. I'm allergic to it now.

I'm not saying we should allow hate and harmful behavior to slide. But here on the internet, we have the power to block and remove anything we don't want to see or be a part of. I WISH we could do that in real life, where the stakes are so much higher.

So for my part, after being in all kinds of internet fandoms since 1999, I've come to the conclusion that I will not hang with mean girls, I will not feed trolls, I will not fight with antis, and I will TRY not to pop off on people who upset me (sometimes menopause gets the better of me, I admit it). Rather, I will just redirect my focus to what brings me joy, I will follow my bliss, I will take revenge by living happily.

And keep in mind... People are human. Fans and members alike are going to have bad takes, bad attitudes, bad days, bad habits. The question is: are they willfully causing harm? If yes, intervention is necessary. If no, then a little grace might be more useful.

I come from three generations of teachers and one of the most important things they've said to me is: Shame is not a teaching tool. It might temporarily change someone's behavior, but more often than not they double down in order to counteract embarrassment. If you want good results, thank a person for trying their best, acknowledge they are likely struggling, and invite them to be the better version of themselves you absolutely know they can be. Sometimes that works.

With ruiners, it doesn't. They just want to ruin things. Ruining things makes them feel powerful, because they cannot create; they can only destroy. It is their only talent. Ruiners invade a space and absolutely delight in ruining it for everyone else. It's a disease and I don't know the cure. The only way I know to counteract a ruiner is to stay in your space and LOUDLY be joyful, be cheerful, focus on what you love, and drown out their vitriol and hate with compassion and love.

So THAT is why I'm so "kumbaya cheerful OT7." Even on days when I would love nothing more than to thrash and whine, I'm trying my best to be a good little oyster and filter out the toxins, so this place remains focused on what matters: supporting BTS and enjoying ARMY.

If after knowing all that, I'm still not your cup of tea? I totally understand and I really don't mind if you need to mute me. This blog is just a hobby, just a place I come to escape the stress of work deadlines and house renovations and sick kitties and my own health issues and real life problems. Probably that's why you're here too. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable. I'm sorry if you don't like me, but... I'll never change all my colors for you.

So go follow your joy and find like-minded blogs. You have my blessing. And maybe we'll meet each other again on down the road, and we'll both be in better places, and we can walk together by then. Either way, you deserve to be happy.

Love, Roo

[necroromantics]

Regarding being "cancelled"

Im not gonna address this further unless anyone needs clarification or something cuz its just drama with random ass kids who I'm not interested in interacting with

Some people dug up a fuck ton of old screenshots of shit I said in my server a year ago. Not gonna deny saying any of that, cuz I did say it, and I've said worse, and if you've talked to me at all I am always very open about this stuff.

In the screenshots I made jokes about disabled people and said I don't care if someone is a Nazi, because at the time my server had like no rules, everything was free reign (which is now changed). This is because I did not care if someone was disabled or a Nazi. It kinda comes hand in hand with ASPD, not caring unless it directly effects you. This does not mean I condone or support the things I joked about*

If you don't know what ASPD is, it's antisocial personality disorder, its characterized by "disregard for peoples rights and feelings". The reason I was even diagnosed in the first place was because I fit the criteria of crossing moral boundaries, disregarding peoples feelings, and not fitting into social norms. I was VERY bad with that in the past, especially a year ago when I was 18 years old, very deep in drug addiction, and didn't have the support system I have now.

If you want to judge me based on my past mistakes and actions, I can't control you. I don't expect anyone to like me, but I do care to get my side out too. I post here because I have fun, not because I care what people think. And if you judge me from shit I said as a drug addicted horribly mentally ill 18 yr old, then that isn't my problem.

Love the label, hate the symptoms yeah?

I don't like apologizing for things I'm not actually sorry for so this isn't an apology. I know I've said a lot of jarring and rude and fucked up things in the past, but if you know me at all then you know it never came from a place of hatred. To me, as someone with ASPD, its about proving that things like societal rules and norms aren't going to be another thing that controls you, so you just ignore them completely. This is what makes it a disorder. Cuz it's irrational and dysfunctional and causes problems like this

Also they vaguely mentioned me abusing someone who's borderline which is ??? because all the relationships with borderlines Ive been in had been very unhealthy on both sides. My mom has BPD so I know how to help those with BPD and Ive always tried my best to cater to BPDers symptoms and issues, even in the relationships where their condition got too much for me.

But yeah, I made mistakes in the past, and I'm not that person anymore, or at least I try hard not to be. I've been sober for almost a year, I have amazing friends and a good support system, I'm on medication for my bipolar disorder. Judge me from the past, but anyone who talks to me now knows that I work very hard to get over those mindsets and habits. To me, thats all that matters.

Edit: Not blaming my disorder, its just easier to explain. I'm taking full blame for what I said in the past, and I acknowledge that it was morally wrong. I said what I said. These people have been absolutely hellbent on being on my ass for months now when all I want to do is just chill out, get better, and live life. Theyre gonna keep complaining about everything I do, and I don't care to make any more edits, just wanted to clarify that Im not making excuses. Also I don't support Nazi's, I just made jokes about it. Anyone who knows me knows Im very against that shit

(I dont mean to sound callous or whatever, I just woke up to this and wanted to quickly clear shit up before it all blows out of proportion)

#tombtalk

[narcissism-awareness]

i feel like you're kinda downplaying the possibility of pwNPD being abusive. your blog has a "oh it NEVER happens" vibe. im not officially diagnosed, but my psych test did end up showing symptoms of it. however, i do have bipolar, and the reality is that i have hurt people and that my mental illness *was* a factor in it. it didnt exist in a vacuum. especially when i wasnt medicated.

like i dont blame people who see me having BP and wanting to move away and call them ableist for that. my mental illness will forever be a factor in the way i experience world - and im not saying OH I WAS AN AWFUL PERSON TO THESE PEOPLE, but i mean it in a way "my cycles of mania and depression have hurt people dear to me, even though i wasnt directly hurtful to them". they couldnt cope with it or my needs and thats okay.

i feel like youre being rly dismissive of people who were abused by people with personality disorders. i was abused by someone w BPD and their mental illness *was* a factor in it. the same way my BP/OCD/BM/ADHD affected others. its dishonest to pretend NPD exists in a vacuum.

I never claimed that it never happens, just in most cases of people calling abuse "narcissistic abuse," their abuser was actually self centered or egotistical and not diagnosed with NPD. (most cases, not all)

It is not ableist to call out abusers who have NPD, what's ableist is to call an entire mental disorder abusive. Or to blame abuse on a mental disorder.

While sometimes we may unintentionally hurt others due to our symptoms, abuse is a choice. People choose to manipulate, use, degrade, and gaslight others. That's not something that happens as a symptom of a mental disorder.

It is true NPD can make us to have little regard for other people and their emotions, which can cause some unhealthy and unstable relationships. But it does not cause us to systematically abuse others?? Thinking that is ableism.

However I acknowledge how you said my blog can feel dismissive of abuse victims. Obviously, in any scenario abuse is not ok. Victims should be able to get resources to escape and recover from abuse. But ableism is not excusable just because your abuser(s) had a mental disorder.

The goal of this blog is to call out ableism and spread awareness about NPD. My posts are usually very matter-of-fact because of this, which may make me sound dismissive to abuse victims. (Keep in mind I am autistic and narcissistic so it's hard for me to judge how others will receive my tone)

I apologize for this and will try to be more welcoming to abuse victims when I can, but the main goal is still informing people about NPD and debunking ableist stereotypes.

#npd #narcissism #narcissist #narcissistic abuse #narc abuse

[bfpnola]

hello! I have mental illness myself, and have recently begun diving into your resources. I agree that your mental condition does not determine who you are, but growing up, I had a parent with NPD who was extremely abusive. I know it's not meant in a way to pretend abuse isn't real, but when I see things like "narcissistic abuse isn't real", it makes me really uncomfortable- because I have suffered it myself. I still am learning about things, so I may be misinformed, but doesn't NPD mean your personality- who you are- is supremely arrogant and self-centered, with no regard for others? The only explanation I have come up with is that creating personality disorders to label bad people is what's wrong, but I really would appreciate your response.

hey! thank you so much for sending in a question. and thank you to the 5 folks who helped out by adding their input during the making of this post. let’s break this down together!

when someone says "narcissistic abuse isn't real," it's the part in reference to NPD that matters. when we rush to automatically equate a diagnosis with abusive behavior, in many ways, we are leaning into sanism and eugenics, often the very same biologically-dependent attitudes that criminalize people of color. the abuse you faced was real and i don't think anyone should be allowed to erase those experiences for you! continuing, personality can and does influence behavior. all of these things can be true while also accepting that having NPD does not automatically make someone abusive or somehow more prone to abusive behaviors, even if that was only implied.

why though? for one, because saying the opposite absolve us of our power as well! as humans, we are all capable of harm, of hurting people, even in egregious ways. this was something i personally struggled with literally up until a couple months ago when i hurt someone i really loved. i wanted to be a good person so badly, and those around me knew how much good i was capable of spreading, so certain actions continued to slide. the reality is that i'm not just good or just bad, but human! i'm capable of hurting other people, and that's so scary to me, but it's the truth. and that's the same for everyone else. as some of our friends in BFP even said just now (not sharing their names for privacy purposes), no one (i hope) walks around saying "depressive abuse" or "PTSD abuse" even though people with these disorders are equally capable of perpetuating harm, like anyone else. cluster B disorders are constantly demonized when in reality, you and i could have both been abused by a "regular" person just the same. erasing our capability to harm not only makes it harder to hold one another accountable in the future (why should i get help or change my behavior when it's due to my disorder?), but equally pushes forth a narrative that the DSM (the book used to diagnose people) is law. what do i mean by that though?

in mad studies, we acknowledge that the DSM, rather than having distinct diagnoses with quantifiable, empirical symptoms like literally any other field of science, groups together pre-existing symptoms that tend to appear together and labels them. the diagnoses we receive are better to be thought as shorthand for clusters of commonly comorbid behaviors. and what of these symptoms? who gets to decide what irregular behavior looks like? who are we comparing Mad individuals to? who represents the norm, the "regular" i mentioned earlier? psychiatry and psychology are extremely biased, my favorite examples of which are drapetomania (a "mental illness" meant to explain why enslaved Africans kept running away from plantations), The Protest Psychosis: How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disease by Jonathan Metzl, hysteria, and prolonged grief disorder. none of this is to say that diagnoses can't be helpful or that your experiences aren't real, but to be wary of the subjectivity, biases, hierarchies, and abuse intrinsic to the field.

because of everything i just said, i feel uncomfortable setting clear delineations for what NPD is and isn't, so i'll leave that part up to a volunteer of ours actually with this diagnosis:

firstly, at our cores we are very insecure about ourselves. we put on a façade of grandiosity to feel better about ourselves and to avoid showing people our insecurities. most of us were hurt by people close to us when we were children, most commonly caretakers, and we do our best to avoid showing this insecurity and hurt. secondly, our self esteem tends to be reliant on the opinions of others. we depend on approval from other people to feel good about ourselves, because we're so insecure. NPD is also characterized by delusions of grandiosity, which is the most stereotypical feature of the disorder. but there's more than just grandiosity. we also experience what's called a "narc crash" (or just a "crash"), which typically happens after a grandiose high. these crashes involve feelings of intense shame, self hatred, etc. the other thing i would include in a definition of NPD is the fantasies, because we hate ourselves so much we are often preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, and fame to help us feel better about ourselves. in short, NPD is defined by extreme insecurity masked by delusions of grandeur, which are followed by crashes. it is also defined by dependence on others for validation since we cannot validate ourselves. a lot of people assume that we just have inflated egos and love ourselves so much, but it's all a façade to hide our extreme insecurity and lack of self worth.

TLDR: 1) the phrase "narcissistic abuse isn’t real" does not erase any abuse you faced by someone who may have had NPD but rather recognizes that the implication of all people with NPD or Cluster B disorders being abusive is not only harmful to everyone but bleeds into eugenics. 2) it's important to be wary of how we deify the DSM and the diagnoses it provides, as it perpetuates the active dehumanization of people who don't meet a certain standard. a standard set by whom? 3) NPD is characterized by extreme insecurity and dependence on others for validation, followed by crashes due to delusions of grandeur clashing with reality.

if you have any more questions, please keep sending them in to @bfpnola! for more on mad studies, here’s our study guide for beginners.

-- reaux (she/they)

#reaux answers #npd #mad liberation #Narcissistic personality disorder #narcissistic abuse #tw abuse mention #bipoc

[drdemonprince]

While we are on the subject of eating disorders, I will once again send praise at the book Saving Our Own Lives by Shira Hassan, as it’s the first book I’ve ever read to apply a harm reduction framework to eating disordered behaviors. 

Nearly every available piece of writing or scholarship on the subject of eating disorders assumes that a goal of recovery should be imposed on every sufferer whether they like it or not, and takes an abstinence based approach. this frankly does not make any sense, given that such a large number of behaviors and choices humans engage in on a daily basis can be wrapped up in an eating or excessive exercise disorder and ripping them all out of your life at once to attain a state of abstinent ‘recovery’ is impossible. 

this is even more true when you take into account the fact that for many people, eating disordered behaviors serve many purposes. the book really helped firm up my own slow but steady realization that walking long distances each day, which i used to do as a form of excessive exercise was also a great autistic stim. it also provided me a satisfying way to zone out and drench my mind in podcasts when i was miserably lonely and consumed with compulsive negative thoughts. 

my almost religious adherence to a daily walking schedule was eating disordered, of that i have no doubt. but it also gave a structure to my day and got me out of the house. in addition, my tireless exercise habits & eating restrictions were one of the few areas in my life where i have always felt comfortable expressing my boundaries.i might not have felt comfortable telling people not to touch me or not to speak to me in a certain way, but i always had the courage to tell someone i wasn’t going to eat something that i didn’t want to or that i needed to leave a function early so i’d have time for my exercise. 

i also now realize that i have a very obsessive, ruminative mind, and fixating on numbers like miles walked was actually a better outlet than some of the other places my mind often went back then. eating disorders are one of the most dangerous and deadly mental health diagnoses around, so i dont say this lightly. it was still a less damaging outlet than some of the others i was flirting with at the time. my long ponderous hours of over exercise i found a lot of space and quiet to just simply think my little thoughts to myself, and a lot of that went some good places ultimately. 

in an abstinence-only view of eating disorders that posits a person must only and always strive for “full recovery,” acknowledging the positive role an ED played in my life is not allowed. and that kind of binary thinking simply isn’t helpful, because my needs for physical stimulation, and time alone, and a means for expressing my boundaries were always gonna be there, and needed an outlet, and would find one of some kind no matter what. 

over the years that i was not well, my eating disorder behaviors shifted, becoming less physically destructive while still scratching the psychological itch and not being “great” in a black and white sense. was walking long distances every day great for my health from a recovery or abstinence pov? no. but it was a lot better than what i did before. i had much more dangerous ED behaviors before that.  instead of feeling ashamed of myself for having “backslid” in my recovery and still resorting to such methods, 2014-2015 me ought to have just been proud of myself for finding a way to meet my needs that wasn’t as destructive as the ones that had come before, and actually had a few side benefits.

i have not seen many people at all talking about EDs from a harm reduction pov and i think that it is desperately needed. online, all we see is a lot of well intentioned encouragement to make a ‘recovery’ that comes with many prescriptions for how a person ought to be living and what they ought to want. if you are still active in your eating disorder and not committed to recovery, then, the toxicity of the pro-ana and pro-mia spaces is the only place left to turn to, and that makes matters so much worse. 

i wish we could develop the online, eating disorder equivalent of needle exchange spaces for people who use intravenous drugs and have no plan to quit. spaces where people can discuss strategies for mitigating the harm of their ED without being admonished for not valuing recovery yet, or ever. so much trauma is done in the name of forcing people to get ‘better’ when they don’t want to. 

liberatory harm reduction is all about embracing an individual where they are at and not imposing an external value system or set of goals upon them, trusting that they are the only and ultimate authority on what they do with their body. and this does not just apply to drug use or sex, it applies to what we typically call eating disordered behaviors too. people with eating disorders often have a fractured sense of selfhood and autonomy, and institutionalizing them against their will or forcing them to eat certain things or to not exercise just further reinforces those issues for them much of the time. 

 im very happy to be recovered from an ED now, but for many years i did not want to be recovered, and the recovery-fits-all approach to the disorder meant i lied to every medical professional i ever saw and all of my family and friends. i wonder what an explicitly harm reduction rooted approach to living with an ED would have looked like for me. 

#eating disorder tw

[just-antithings]

oh wow my message was even longer than i thought it was, i'm sorry! but thank you so much for your thoughtful response. as i said i had no intention of disrespect so i really appreciate the patience and kind words. as you said healthy use is relative to the person, which is a really important part of the discussion. having healthy ways to express and enjoy your sexuality is so so important and it's frustrating how often these discussions shame such things. i'll be reading the things you linked and do more research into csb, i agree it's a much better term, thank you so much!

again, thank you so so much, i really appreciate it! i hope i didn't cause any distress for you with all of that;;

U didn't this is like, my favorite thing to do. I love having philosophical discussions especially abt controversial things bcuz half the time they're not actually controversial we've just purposely been fed misinformation. It's just some people have a harder time letting go of their biases than others (stares at antis)

Anyway it was rly clear in ur ask that you weren't like. Trying to armchair diagnose ur ex with A Bad Thing to say that's why he did all that stuff to you; you were searching for an explanation for Why He Did That which is... not the same thing and part of what I assume you were worried abt. It's chill to wonder if someone had an issue that maybe lead them to do smth awful. In a lot of cases its true, it's just at this point a fuckton of people lose their minds and start equating Having Said Issue with being a bad person an abuser etc instead of. Acknowledging that half or more of the time the Bad Issue was caused by unresolved trauma. (Fun fact current medical science is toying with the idea that personality disorders are caused by trauma in childhood which means everyone talking shit abt narcs is refusing to acknowledge We Most Likely Were Abused and that's why we are fucking narcissists. It's a trauma response not the abuser disorder 😭😭)

#mod seraphim

[stranger-rants]

I am dealing with a student from last year who has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and PTSD, and I will be honest with you I have fully gotten into arguments with them in the past. They are very difficult to be around sometimes, especially when their behavior triggers my own anxiety. They have their own prejudices and they can be violent when they are triggered, too.

However, I have also had really positive interactions with them and I have been able to work with them if I approach things a certain way. For example, if I explain what their choices are in a certain situation and what the consequence of each choice will be then they are better prepared to make decisions. I also start every day like a fresh start.

Unfortunately, I do not teach them this year. This student's new teacher has kicked them out every day because of their behavior, and I get that every person has a threshold but this has also involved their teacher saying they "do it on purpose" and whenever the student asks "what did I do?" the response is always "You know what you did!"

It's so frustrating because my team and I have to explain to another adult that the student's diagnoses actually do matter and the student oftentimes does not know or understand what they said or did wrong, which is often met with well we're just being too politically correct now and being diagnosed with x, y, or z doesn't excuse the student. Yes, it does! It means they need a different approach!

When you use the word "excuse" to talk about abuse survivors, you are often using it in ableist ways that prevent a person from functioning the way you want them to. No, you cannot make a person change but you greatly reduce their ability to do so if you don't acknowledge the reasons why they aren't behaving the way you want them to.

At the end of the day, I don't like being mistreated by my students and I don't tolerate it when they do. I certainly do not tolerate it when it comes to verbal or physical abuse towards other students. However, I am also trying really hard to not be the person who shuts down any opportunity those developing humans have at a better life.

If all you can think of is to call it an "excuse" when someone discusses the context of someone's behavior, then you're not actually helping people the way you're thinking you're helping people. You are pushing people further and further away from any chance of coping healthily with their traumas and you are putting violent people out into the world.

Case in point. ODD is used as a precursor to ASPD (antisocial personality disorder). Minors do not get diagnosed with ASPD, so they use ODD. However, ODD and ASPD usually stem from trauma. It does not happen by accident. It is also not permanent and a person with ODD or ASPD could learn to function in society with proper supports.

The media you engage with and how you engage with it can do so much damage to real people, and some of you really do not care.

#i'm extra cranky b/c of this actually #fandom critical

[tosin-talks]

Tosin Talks about residual symptoms of BPD

I haven’t really directly talked about symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder on my blog because I haven’t felt ready to discuss the real horrors of the disorder; I wasn’t even sure where to start and how to talk about my story. Additionally, I just haven’t been as affected by my symptoms as I used to be. For years, I have been working hard to recover from the diagnosis that I received in 2018 and undiagnosed symptoms that I experienced before then. Recovery is possible and I believe I’ve survived some of the worst parts of the disorder but BPD is a mental illness that greatly impacts one’s thought processes and perception of the world so I still experience the long-term effects of it.

I haven’t had a typical “BPD episode” in about 3-4 months. I don’t think I’ve self-harmed in about 6-7 months and I don't have constant urges to do so either. My reactions and responses are a lot less intense these days which probably means that my mental health has improved. Now that the life-threatening and extremely destructive symptoms aren’t a main issue, I am working on my issues with emotional impermanence, interpersonal relationships, splitting, and chronic emptiness.

I still struggle with the well known BPD concept of a “favorite person”, especially since a long-term relationship recently ended. I try to be cognizant of when I may unconsciously make someone else my new favorite person but it can be difficult to notice since my symptoms aren’t that intense anymore. Now that I process and evaluate my feelings towards someone, it’s not as easy to realize if I just really like and admire them or I’m idealizing them. The downside to when I realize that I might have idealized someone that I’m close to is the devaluation and emptiness that follows. The shift isn’t as grandiose as it used to be and rather than switching from black to white, I move between dark grey and light grey. I’ve been working really hard on not letting others’ thoughts, opinions, and worldviews become my own or heavily impact the way I perceive myself. I used to shapeshift to become whoever I assumed my favorite person wanted me to be. Now, I’m discovering my true self and learning to love her and choose her every time.

I definitely still experience mood swings but the highs and lows aren’t very high or low and they mostly occur on or around my period. Something that’s frustrating to still experience is emotional impermanence. I wish I had a better hold on an emotion and did a better job of remembering that a certain emotion will return. Another symptom that I still occasionally experience is chronic emptiness. I feel what Charles Baudelaire called “ennui”. I feel extremely detached and like I’m watching myself live this silly game of mundanity. I feel disconnected from the city I live in and some of the people I interact with and have little hope of this issue improving. I haven’t yet discovered what triggers my feelings of numbness and emptiness, it’s almost like I’m splitting on life itself. However, I’ve been combatting the emptiness by creating and stimulating my mind. I’ve been reading, learning new things, and writing a lot more.

Sometimes I get disappointed in myself for still experiencing minor symptoms. I understand that BPD can be a lifelong journey even if/when I no longer meet diagnosing criteria but I am fearful that I may never have a healthy, happy, long-term partnership or have my emotions completely in check or feel at home anywhere that I move to. I’m learning to give myself the same grace that I would give a future client or my younger self. I’ve come so far, my progress is definitely observable and I can acknowledge my effort and the results of that hard work. I’m not expected to completely rid myself of over a decade of mental health challenges in just a day. If I’m being honest, I didn’t expect myself to even live this long so I’m simply proud to be alive and sharing my story with you all. 

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or emotional distress, dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or text “HELLO” to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. For more education, advocacy, and support about BPD, visit the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (neabpd.org) and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org).

Background music by Mist3r

#tosin talks #tosin talk #bpd awareness #living with bpd #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually bpd #bpd feels #bpd recovery #favorite person #emotional permanence #bpd splitting #chronic emptiness #interpersonal relationships #idealization #devaluation #mental health recovery #mental health awareness #mental health #charles baudelaire #ennui #bpd relationships #SoundCloud

[fathermarty]

borderline personality disorder

✰✰✰WARNING: DISCUSSION OF MENTAL HEALTH, ABUSE, SELF-IMAGE ISSUES, SELF-HARM, SUICIDAL IDEATIONS, AND EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS. If this is something that will put you in the wrong headspace then please do not interact. I am writing this to educate others about what goes on in MY day to day life.✰✰✰

Hello everyone, I am taking a small break from my usual content to post something that will educate others on something important in my life. Borderline personality disorder, BPD as most people know it, or Borderlines; the term used to categorize us with this mental disorder.

I want to be very clear that what I am writing is my experience with BPD; it can and will differ from person to person. I am going to write about how I learned about BPD, and how it differs from common misconceptions.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

To start off; "borderline" is a very stigmatizing word when defining this disorder, it makes me personally feel like everyone sees me as unstable or as an individual looking for attention. Borderline personality disorder sounds unpleasant, I know when I first was clinically diagnosed I thought they were telling me I had split personalities. This was because I did not understand BPD, and I was automatically assuming the worse. Which people do all the time with BPD. However, surprise surprise! BPD isn't what my preconceived notation of it was. From talking in therapy, reading some books from the library to researching BPD, I learned BPD is way more than I could have ever imagined.

I learned that BPD is actually what I had previously assumed Bipolar Disorder was, also fun fact the misconceptions surrounding BPD will lead other Borderlines to be misdiagnosed and treated for Bipolar Disorder instead. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder versus Borderline Personality Disorder is a personality disorder.

People clinically diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder experience many manic episodes or episodes of depression, which is ultimately how a person is diagnosed. Over time, for a person who is Bipolar, these mania episodes happen days, weeks, and months at a time.

People clinically diagnosed with BPD experience major mood swings in a day, but our disorder is not diagnosed this way. Instead, it will be diagnosed through a series of how we act in situations. This is where I am going to talk about my personal experience with BPD and how I got diagnosed.

I learned BPD was caused by environmental factors, meaning for me it was because I was neglected and abused as a child. I was manipulated, and surrounded by other people who were not fit to be taking care of a child. Ever since I was a child I never once had a "mild" emotion. I was either so happy I could solve all the world's problems, so sad I could drown myself in my bathtub, or so mad that I could fist fight grown men. There was no middle ground for my emotions, everything was extreme and suffocating, and to this day I still experience this, and it isn't just over the course of days, weeks, or months. I experience all these mood shifts and extremes multiple times in one day. Because of literally everything I just said, everyone in my life told me I was Bipolar, I even began to believe them, but there was more to what was going on than those people looking in could see.

For example, impulsive and reckless behaviors. Actions I was doing that caused harm to myself. Binge eating, substance abuse, and other dangerous behaviors. This happens when I am at the height of emotion, whether it is sad, happy, mad, etc.

Oftentimes this would lead to self-harm, something I picked up really young and didn't stop until I was 18 almost 19. This ranged from cutting, burning, to even pulling out my hair. I don't know how to explain why I did it, and that's part of the reason why BPD is such a difficult disorder for someone to deal with. I know my emotions are extreme and how I respond to them is extreme, but it is hard to notice and acknowledge the difficulty when I am experiencing such intense emotions. During these times with my extreme reactions to how I was feeling, I would also have suicidal ideations, which is very common among people with BPD. I still struggle with this on a day-to-day basis, it crosses my mind at least twice a day, but I am learning that what I am feeling at that moment is not the end all, be all. I am learning to acknowledge and understand that not everyone is out to get me, and that the universe isn't working against me.

Because I constantly feel like people are against me, this has led to unstable relationships with family, friends, and people I get intimate with. Instead of getting to know someone in an intimate way, I cut them off right as they show interest, being that close to someone quite literally makes me panic. I've never been able to be in a relationship, and I am just not learning it is because of BPD and the fact I cannot trust anyone.

(I don't feel like I have to explain the unstable relationships with family members, I feel like that is a given with a person who has experienced trauma. We are also in the age where more and more people are standing up and communicating when there are unstable happenings in their home life.)

Along with not trusting anyone, I find myself alone far too often. Leads me down a path of being lonely and isolated, which ultimately becomes a chronic feeling of emptiness. Which, in case you didn't know; chronic feelings of emptiness will lead to disassociation. This literally becomes the issue of, I don't feel like I am real. I can't process what I am seeing or hearing as real, and I have a difficult time acknowledging and understanding how I am feeling.

My day-to-day life has been affected by BPD, and I am not able to talk about it with others because plenty of people do not fully understand what BPD means. I can't talk to the people I see every day about this because my feelings are always invalidated and ignored; however, I can tell YOU, so you understand I am not ignoring your messages or requests. Life quietly literally becomes so suffocating, and everything I feel is so intense I can't commit myself to anything other than just focusing on keeping myself stable. I am posting this in hopes to educate YOU, so YOU know how a friend or family member is feeling. BPD is never talked about and no one ever understands the true depth that goes along with this disorder. I want others to understand that we, Borderlines, don't quite understand what we are feeling either and a little patience would be appreciated as we navigate through tough times. This is my attempt to raise awareness for myself, and other people struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You are not alone, and you are so loved.

Sincerely,

Your Local Borderline.

#bpd #borderline thoughts #borderline personality problems #borderline personality traits #borderline personality disorder

[bullworthdrabbles]

This might be a controversial opinion here, but I'm really sick of seeing this in this fandom.

Stop giving one of the few canonically neurodivergent and mentally ill characters who already informs us of his diagnoses even more diagnoses without researching the disorders you intend to give him.

The number of times I have seen Gary get falsely diagnosed with disorders he canonically has never been diagnosed with and in many cases are outdated diagnoses that he doesn't even begin to fit the criteria of is fucking atrocious and I'm fucking done.

Many of y'all are basing the diagnosis of "sociopath" (which I will state isn't a diagnosis anymore) on a few lines of dialogue FROM HIS ABLEIST ASS PEERS. Last I checked not a single student in Bullworth is qualified to diagnose anyone with a broken bone much less a personality disorder. Imagine if you received a diagnosis just because your bullies called you OCD in high school, that's what I see a lot of you doing with this shit. And it's not just ASPD (the actual disorder you guys mean when you say "sociopathy" which you would know if you did a 10-second google search) many are labeling him with NPD, and/or megalomania (this one isn't even a diagnosis and is related to Narcissistic personality disorder which once again is easy to find out with a google search. The DSM doesn't even distinguish between Megalomania and NPD.)

By y'all doing this you are only further stigmatizing cluster B personality disorders which are already stigmatized enough. These disorders often come from years of abuse and neglect from a very early age and are born as responses to that abuse. These disorders are serious and can damage the quality of life for the person suffering from these conditions and those closest to them. People with these conditions actually deserve more empathy and understanding because of the toxic environments that these folks had to endure which contributed to them developing these disorders. Also just so y'all know, many people who have these disorders with treatment can be perfectly normal members of society you wouldn't otherwise know had these diagnoses. You doing this just goes to show how you view those with cluster B personality disorders as not deserving of empathy or understanding often treating them as subhuman and it's fucking gross.

So by labeling the openly neurodivergent and mentally ill villain the "sociopath", or "narcissist" without any research into these disorders you are very much displaying a lot of casual ableism because you are saying the only reason Gary did what he did was due to a disorder we never once get informed of him having, the only confirmed canonical diagnosis he has IS FUCKING ADHD. Btw, as someone with ADHD, I can confirm that even in my unmedicated state I have never harmed another person intentionally or taken over any schools.

I know part of the problem was back in 2006 Rockstar's shitty ass writing stated that the reason Gary did what he did was that he went off his meds and implied he was all this stuff through the other characters, but c'mon people use your critical thinking here. We don't have to write and talk about Gary the same way some lazy ableist ass men back in Rockstar did. If we can all acknowledge all the fucking ableist ass slurs in the game are fucking wrong and shouldn't be used, why tf can't we come to an agreement that this is also not fucking acceptable. I'm not saying you can't write him with any other disorders aside from ADHD, but you need to at least do basic ass research and write with a certain level of understanding and care of and for these disorders.

We are in 2022, many of y'all have your own fucking diagnoses, so why tf am I still seeing this shit? Do better.

#cas speaks #cas vents #gary smith #bullworth academy #bully cce #bully scholarship edition #canis canem edit

[arctichotch]

https://internetprincess.substack.com/p/whos-afraid-of-amber-heard

“We lose everything by creating a dichotomy between Amber Heard’s story and the theoretical stories of good victims, better victims, “real” victims — while, in the process, implying that her sustained public degradation is only bad because of what it will do to less difficult women.”

“Similarly, the mainstream MeToo movement offered temporary catharsis in place of systemic change; Hollywood play-acted a revolution so that its men could keep up their abuse unscathed. There is something phenomenally painful in watching a material backlash erupt in response to a movement that was never allowed to be anything more than aesthetic.”

“For anyone familiar with cycles of domestic abuse, this is nothing new — reactive violence is an extremely common result of the psychological degradation and fear responses that come with sustained abuse. Of course, violence is never okay, but the complete dehumanization of women who behave imperfectly in torturous circumstances is just one half of a Catch-22 which conspires to keep all women silent. If you were abused and did nothing, they’ll say you weren’t abused at all, and so you’re a liar and therefore an abuser; if you were abused and you fought back, then it means you were the abuser to begin with.”

“I think it’s essential to a much larger point (and, in reality, far more controversial) to believe Amber Heard is a victim while also acknowledging her wrongdoings. Once you start pushing the idea that a woman has to be perfect in order to be believed, you head down a road that ends with the systemic exorcism of any woman too human to be a good victim.”

“Heard’s story is a study in damnation, and it’s not a new one — when she didn’t have photographs of the abuse, it was proof she was lying. When she did, it means she faked them. When she had no witness accounts, it meant the violence never happened; when she did, it was proof she planned a grand conspiracy to bring Depp down. She was too loving at some points, too cruel at others; either so calm and collected that she must be lying or so distraught and uncertain that she must not know what she’s talking about. Amber Heard might not be a perfect victim, but she sure as hell is a typical one.”

“So if you’re one of the many people saying that you “believe victims, just not Amber Heard” — that you don’t think all women are psycho bitch liars, just Amber Heard — I sincerely regret to inform you that you are lying to yourself and others. Here’s the long and the short of it: if you can take an honest look at the evidence in front of you and not believe that Amber Heard is a victim of abuse, there are exceptionally few women who you actually would believe if they were to receive the same treatment.”

“This trial has conjured, in perfect, terrifying detail, a near-comprehensive list of reasons why any woman can be discredited, villainized, and crucified in the court of public opinion: if you ever dared to do anything but lie down and let yourself be hurt. If you’re mentally ill, or if you can reasonably be painted as mentally ill. (Womanhood is basically a symptom in and of itself, by the way — the psychiatrist who spot-diagnosed Amber Heard with histrionic personality disorder literally cited being “overly girly” as evidence.) If he's charming enough, handsome enough. Even if he's not handsome anymore — even if, hypothetically, he looks like a leathery skin sack gently deflating before our eyes as he leaks grease and prescription benzos — they will remember that he once was, and it will be enough. Whether it be with Johnny Depp or Brock Turner, the fantasy of a man’s illustrious past or bright future will always take priority over a woman’s present.”

“What’s happening to Heard is no accident. It’s a cosmic punishment rained down from every aspect of the patriarchal establishment — mainstream Hollywood, right-wing media, the GOP — that’s intended not only to kick her down one last time for daring to stand back up in the first place, but to serve as a looming warning to every woman who might be considering doing the same.”

“… if this could happen to Amber Heard, it could happen to anybody. Any strategy that capitalizes on the cultural fear of an angry, aggressive, crazy woman to justify financial and legal abuse will be used a thousandfold on more marginalized women who don’t have access to Heard’s social, cultural, or monetary currency.”

#i stand with amber heard #anti johnny depp #cw johnny depp #johnny depp is an abuser #article #abuse tw #depp v heard trial

[solarianvoidthearoace]

I’m hesitant to call myself disabled

Or even refer to my frequent joint problems/ pain as chronic. I mean, yeah, I have been wearing my wrist splint the last 6 weeks + and my wrist hurts when I pick up something heavier than a water bottle. But does that count, though? Does it?

And my knees are currently fine because I have been wearing my orthopaedic insoles. So I’m technically not hindered by my knees.

My migraine and occasional headache comes and goes, that’s neither here nor there. – I did have mild headaches for almost 20 months straight in 2021 & 2022

As for my orthostatic intolerance, yeah, that’s been a bitch. (Probably worse than before ever since I had Covid beginning of November 2022) But I also feel like I just drink too little. And if that’s it, do I even have orthostatic dysfunction? Sure, it’s too warm for me already and I’m about panting when I took two flights of stairs at 25°C. But is that orthostatic intolerance or am I just lazy and unathletic?

I have had most of this shit (joint pains, back pain, orthostatic intolerance/ cardiovascular weakness, migraines) since my mid- to late-teens.

And yet

Jury’s still out on whether I genuinely have any form of dysautonomia and what’s up with my joints, whether that’s some rheumatism

Like, I got myself a cane to try out whether that can help me. I’m used to just… coping with shit. I have a whole drawer of splints and support bandages. I started wearing compression stockings back in 2021.

I… I cope and I feel like no doctor will diagnose me with shit but I also feel like I couldn’t accept hearing “no, you’re healthy and just need to work out more”. So I’m not exactly eager to see a medical specialist although I really want to know what’s wrong with my body and I want it acknowledged. But that’s also the thing, I want acknowledgement and assistance with coping rather than a cure and… I feel like that’s also… like, if it was “bad enough”, if it was genuinely disabling, I would want it gone, right?

But I have already accepted that living with these issues is fine, that it’s not going to be curable and that I’ll cope and that’ll be my life. Which, I know that sounds stupid and I understand if someone called me a faking attention seeker. Not getting help at all seems… not even trying to get help, maintaining my status quo, seems easier than to struggle with medical professionals.

I’m 24, I’m too young for this shit and if it was chronic it would have been a problem for years so why didn’t I go see a doctor when it started?

Plus I always felt like my mental illnesses and my neurodivergence are the bigger hinderance in my life.

Well, at least during school they were. Unmedicated ADHD-PI, major depression, generalised anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, rejection-sensitive dysphoria, complex trauma/ CPTSD, trauma regarding specific events, and I’m very likely also autistic.

And let me tell you, my RSD and AvPD are pretty rough on literally any social interaction. I refuse to ask for help because I don’t want to burden people. I refuse to ask for accommodations I’m entitled to because I’m worried someone might question my right to accessibility. Generally, anxiety controls every aspect of me being a member of society and I think some demand-avoidance might also factor in because I’m just so scared of fucking up that doing nothing and getting yelled at seems less stressful than putting in work and getting yelled at none the less.

And “very likely” is putting it mildly, I very much fit the described experience of AuDHD folks. But technically it could also just be my anxieties making it look like I’m autistic. Which I doubt but since I was also told I’m not depressed, it’s just AvPD, eeeeh… yeah.

I’m pretty confident with my self-assessment even though I have had people laugh in my face when I told them about self-diagnosing.

Idk man, I just live here.

And I sometimes feel like I’m faking it…? Even though from my experience acknowledging stuff like my autism only got me snide comments to not be difficult and just push myself to comply. So idk which benefit I would gain from faking any of these issues. But the imposter syndrome is still there.

Further self-conscious identity struggle under the cut.

And while you can pry “queer” from my cold dead hands, I don’t feel entitled to refer to myself as gay

I’m aroace but in terms of queerplatonic/ alterous attraction I would date someone regardless of gender BUT I have a definite preference for femboys, femme men, non-binary men and AMAB* non-binary people

I myself am a transneutral-transmasc person and never connected with “being a woman/ girl”. I have always felt more comfortable being a guy but I acknowledge I’m not a man. I’m an agender guy and I’m a genderqueer guy and I’m masc transneutral. I consider the terms masculenby and MINgender also correct descriptors but only in reference of me being agender-genderqueer. Like, that’s the focal point, the frame of reference. I’m agender and genderqueer first and foremost, only within that is my gender experience masc-in-nature and vaguely aligned with masculinity.

So my attraction to queer men and my gender being masc-aligned… I don’t feel like I’m allowed to call myself gay. Because I don’t make an effort to look masc/ genderqueer/ agender

I want to make it clear I would never judge or discredit someone in my exact situation for calling themself gay or a fag or whatever they want to use to describe their achillean attraction.

I just don’t feel like I’m allowed to because I get treated and pass for a tomboy cis-woman. I firmly reject the notion of being a woman, I am not woman and never was a girl. But I still appear to be one so I feel like I can’t raise a stink around it.

Which is also why I don’t think my ideal relationship has any chance of happening.

I want to be with an AMAB* non-binary person who is feminine. They don’t need to be transfem but my attraction is certainly geared towards flamboyant and effeminate men and AMAB* enby people. Could probably be simplified to femboys. *I feel weird referring to this as a genital preference but I acknowledge that that is part of it and hence saying AMAB is not entirely correct. Because I’m sex-averse and would rather not but I can see myself having sex again with a future partner who happens to have a penis. I can not picture myself having sex with someone without a penis. And that genital preference kinda makes me feel icky because I’m agender myself and I feel like it shouldn’t matter but…

If I were to find a partner like that, chances are they would understand and accept my own complex relationship to gender and how I feel about myself in relation to being masc, being a guy, not being a man, being agender-genderqueer.

But even if that was to fit, I doubt I would be lucky enough to have that same person be understanding and supportive of my aroace-ness. It’s unshakeable I’m aroace and that can’t be removed from who I am. Much less in a relationship. I’m proudly aromantic and I’m a sex-averse asexual. Wouldn’t want to chance either of those aspects. (Although I could do without the sexual trauma.)

Actually, regarding tertiary attraction. I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction as a blanket statement. But I do experience physical attraction, the want to be close, the tactile attraction to cuddle and kiss someone, I crave domesticity and to have a person I can call my home. My person, my home, my domestic bliss. And I don’t know whether what I experience – what I want for my ideal relationship – is actually alterous attraction. I think it is because it goes beyond queerplatonic, even, and it’s more than queerplatonic but the exact mixture it is is individual to the partner I’m with. Which is why I chose to use the term idemalterous; I don’t know whether it really is that different from queerplatonic attraction but I choose to define it as alterous attraction.

I don’t think there is a chance of me finding a person who accepts and supports my identity even if they are the one stuck with me for a partner. My relationship to sex/ my asexuality is a bit layered and I dare say contradictory. I want a partner who finds me sexually attractive and is, uhm, sexually available…? for those few rare once-in-a-blue-moon occasions I would like to sleep with them. With how inherently queer my attraction is, with how inherently queer my “type” is, I do have some ideas about sexual activity tbh. Like, it’s queer sex between queer people anyway, why bother simulating heteros? Although I do have my sexual trauma to consider and I know it’s a huge turn-off for many people that even if I’m interested I wouldn’t be as available as someone without trauma around sex.

Although I partially think my huge trauma around kink is a bigger hinderance than my asexuality/ sex-aversion. A lot more people are a lot more kinky than they give themself credit for and I’m someone who can not “give it a try”. Which disqualifies me for a larger demographic of potential partners than one might think.

I would like to have someone to love, to be domestic with, to hype each other up, care for and support each other because we want to. Yes I would like if that person found me sexually attractive even if I can’t return that, and them being aromantic is somewhat implicit because I need them to understand how attraction and relationships work for me. I would very much like to find my queerplatonic “one and only”, to find someone who can in return also put the work in to make us become that “the one” for each other. But I know my preferences are too specific.

And to have that supportive, accepting, queerplatonically-loving person be an alt/ punk/ goth/ emo femboy? Yeah, big chance that’ll ever happen to me. (Sarcasm.)

So settling with the thought of my ideal relationship being unachievable is easier. I’m not saying a person like this doesn’t exist, I’m not saying people like me can’t find happy relationships.

I’m just saying I don’t believe in myself ever getting that. Finding that. Which is why I refuse to call this hopes or expectations or anything more concrete than preferences and dreams.

Because my wishes are a great deal above someone just treating me well and respecting me. And I know I just don’t get lucky like that so there is no point in calling this a hope when I know full-well it’s an unrealistic dream.

#ramblings #personal whiny shit #personal whining #about me

[circular-bircular]

yo wair what?? whats wrong with sophieinwonderland?? i mean i get like weird weird vibes from them but im usually just paranoid about these things i didn't know they were actually bad help

(feel free not to answer)

(btw im a singlet so like. i dont know much about plurality blogs i just kinda look at your posts cause theyre funky /lh /pos)

(Note: I believe SophieinWonderland uses she/her pronouns exclusively, so I'll be using those.)

This'll probably be one of the only ones of these I'll answer, and only because it became relevant again tonight. Sophie is always very polite, very kind, and does spread good information about Endogenic Plurality. She's actually said things I often agree with in the past.

She also:

Frequently ignores or speaks over the voices of those with DID/OSDD

Argues that DID/OSDD is not a trauma-based disorder and can form without trauma (which is something that those with DID/OSDD have had to fight against for years)

Has time and time again ignored the voices of both people of color and systems of color

Believes breaking boundaries (posting endogenic content in anti-endo tags despite those tags being used by those who are triggered by endogenic content, interacting with people who have endos DNI, etc) is absolutely fine, because "turnabout is fair play."

Believes that breaking those boundaries is the same thing as "enforcing" her boundaries.

Calls Anti-Endos a hate group (which is ignorant at best, and actively harmful at worse)

Agrees with TransID (Trans-Age, Trans-Abled, Trans-Race) individuals.

Minces words and twists them to avoid actual debate (such as derailing a post about how DID is trauma-based by focusing on the word "adversity" for over half the post and saying how it's not a good choice of words)

And, while there's more, I think one of the big things (syscourse wise, the racism has always been bad and I should've blocked ages ago) is the extremely heavy focus on diagnostic criteria. This is actually something I'm noticing more and more from the endogenic community. There's a heavy reliance on the DSM by many pro/endos to define DID/OSDD.

Most anti-endos I see acknowledge that the DSM is a horrible book, flawed in many ways, and needing improvement. It is a guide, not a cookbook - you can't use it as a checklist for "is this person a system or not." I do not fit the "textbook DID" that we see in most systems (I have "created" alters, I have near-perfect communication, I can control switches and have always been able to to some degree, etc etc) however I am still diagnosed, and anti-endos accept me because I am open about my experiences. Meanwhile, I get ran out of pro-endo spaces for these things, because "you can't be traumagenic if you experience that."

So seeing such a heavy focus from such a major pro/endo individual in syscourse on the DSM is... confusing and frustrating, to say the least.

Hope that helps, Anon!

#syscourse #this post cannot be reblogged #happy to have a singlet follower by the way! #i hope you're enjoying the bullshit

[sir-klauz]

Someone with depression: diagnosed with usually incurable chronic depression

Someone Not A Doctor But Definitely In The Know About Mental Health On Fb: some people are just miserable and depressing on purpose, they’re just behaving this way for fun, they do this for the sake of irritating ✨Me✨, because I can’t handle anyone being #Negative around me or anyone else’s emotions and won’t just stop following those peoples posts anyway, and I hate acknowledging mental health disorders are real! This is for Attention as we all know I mean sorry me and my poor 2 friends I’ve blackmailed into smiling around me and being cheerful when they’re not, but yaa this bad vibe is just for Attention, like all my posts are too bye check out that last selfie I spend 5 hours putting makeup on for to get the attention of 4 likes~ but that’s not the point. You are to blame for staying in an abusive relationship too, and for your PTSD flashbacks liek why don’t you just Stop Thinking! Don’t take drugs though bc I’ll boycott u for bottling it up as wellllll even though I made you feel you had to. You’re making yourself miserable, idc if I have no idea how abuse can work it’s Your fault why don’t you just become homeless to leave an abusive household since you can’t afford to move by yourself somewhere which need 4 working adults to pay rent for a box flat!!! ~ honestly I’m fed up with humans feeling sad in any way too, crying, etc. and naturally having low moods they can’t change due to chemicals in their brain which they have less or more of which are out of their control because well, party pooper, and rather than doing things which keep my own spirits up and just saying I can’t be an emotional support option right now because I have my own things going on I am able to control sharing or not to the degree I want, I’ll just totally lay tf into someone for feeling those things, which is unnecessary and makes people hide how they are from friends for fear of rejection and attack and result in serious damage to future relationships and dynamics because they now have an unhealthy relationship with allowing themselves to feel anything publicly or tell themselves it’s shameful to the point where they can’t cry in front or a partner or share emotions with people they love and maybe even end in death. I’m not going to acknowledge anyone who’s been through anything bad which is keeping them this way and won’t acknowledge they may not of healed yet or be ready as trauma takes a long time to receive from, y’all just a nuisance for not being happy for ✨my✨ sake all of the time. And don’t dare post about it to your own social media, posts that are nothing directly to do with me nor which I’m obligated to read, and lower my mood on purpose when I could just unfollow but I suppose I personally can’t change the situation myself though it’s just a follow button and simply must lacerate your entire being for trying to tell someone, anyone, on your own place of safety, that you’re in desperate need of support from someone which doesn’t have to be me because I want to pretend I’m always happy and never miserable for whatever reason.

Someone with depression: … I said I was struggling today, that is all, in order to feel better instead of bottling it up. Wait, why are you friends on purpose with someone who’s depressed when you feel like this? Perhaps you’re just staying reading all my stuff on purpose to stay angry because you could make a change if you wanted to and mute posts. If every pill tried worked instantly, I’d be cured in a day. If therapy was easy to get in 2 seconds, the potential year long sessions would be over by now. If people weren’t forced to bottle it up unnaturally or get met with anger and manipulation to shut up entirely, we might actually start feeling better. Because no person with depression has once ever only known people that wanted them to be allowed to express the feelings safely rather than bottling it up and hurting themselves more, no matter how many supportive people there are there’s plenty who wish for people with mental health to just stifle it or blackmail them with emotional punishment at their most vulnerable if they do appear less than 100% happy or “atypical” all of the time, and that’s the cold hard truth.

The FB Depresion Doctr: If it’s a sad number 1 song about trauma and pain by Taylor Swift though omggg yaasss queeeeeeEEEEE, gonherr for coming out about it she’ssostrong *cries listening to it every time but it’s ok when they’re sad (it actually is ok I’m just speaking in terms of they think that’s fine only)*

#depression is such a big killer and so many people AID IT #in the sense of either accidentally on purpose making people feel worse for expressing it or anything to do with it #depression is real #depression awareness #depression kills #depression #depression is the worst #depression is a bitch #ableism #this doesn’t count for people emotionally blackmailing you to constantly listen to them and hurt yourself mentally or they’ll die btw #mental health awareness #mental health #mental health is hard #chronic depression #depression cw