#when everything has burnt to nothing that will be morning. and the trouble is that its so easy to imagine it from temnovas mouth too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cybsoo2 · 3 months

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heated red

╰┈➤ synopsis — Min Yoongi is a man of duality. Familiar with the sugary sweet side, you can’t help but be shocked at what hides behind closed doors.

╰┈➤ pairing — yandere!suga x reader

╰┈➤ word count — 3.5k

╰┈➤ content warning — murder, … DETAILED murder, gore, violence, strong language, yandere behavior, angst

Everything about Yoongi is sugary sweet. From head to toe, Min Yoongi is the sun of your universe. Every action and every gesture proves that he’s the world’s best boyfriend.

You two have been dating for just over 2 years now, and it’s nothing short of perfection. At the beginning of your relationship, Yoongi could be mistaken as cold and uncaring; but his shy and thoughtful feelings are what brought you two together. It took some time for you both to become familiar with each other. Yet, Yoongi was determined in his attempts to get to know you. A rough relationship, still fresh and sensitive, bloomed into one of trust and time. Each touch that whispers against your skin says, “I know you, I understand you, I love you.” What Yoongi can't convey with the words that tongue-tie him, he settles to portray in his body language.

His hands always feel so solid from the way they sink into your skin, assuring you of his presence and affection for you. Candy-coated words slide down your throat while he kisses you, mumbling confessions between breaths; “God, I’m so in love with you,” a breathless kiss in between, “I’d do anything for you.” No word he speaks is dishonest and each letter weighs with the seriousness of his admission. His eyes blind you in a heated red with how much fire burns beneath them. Burnt brown eyes, almost burdensome, frequently border on urgent. As if no matter how many times he says the words, it’ll never be enough for you to understand his devotion to you.

Yoongi is loyal, kind, sweet, and everything else in between. You have no doubt that Yoongi will always continue to remain a constant comfort in your life. Although, no matter what way your brain has interpreted his presence, everyone else seems to think otherwise.

Regardless of who you cross paths with, friends, family, or foe, they plant seeds of doubt into your pretty little head. These troubling thoughts fester with wicked intentions and ideas. In Yoongi’s words, “The filth these people spit at you are just lies. Twisting themselves into your opinions and trying to cut me out. They’re just jealous. Don’t talk about them again.” When Yoongi speaks about the people that spill the blood that corrupts your mind, his face turns sour and his eyes shadow dark slits. This harsh look has played on your mind enough for you to stop bringing up the subject completely.

Yet these off comments and anxious looks continue to devour your mind. Whispers pick up in the wind about how Yoongi is a liar. They talk about the dead eyes that contradict the expressive cat-like ones that follow your motions. His heavy hands on your hips don’t match up to the tight grip he takes to the back of your friend’s necks. A warning, or a friendly gesture; you and those around you seem to have two very different ways of deciphering the deeper design of Yoongi’s actions.

Today you felt like you were living life in a maze. Chasing demands from not only your boss, but Yoongi too. You spent the day running around the city until the sun set.

You vividly remember how this morning had gone. Walking in through the elevator, shots of minimalistic grey meet your eye. Stale flowers and sweet perfume waft into the wind. You can’t help but feel small in the presence of such expensive luxury. Girls and guys decorated like dolls in diamonds. Even the blood on their hands shines like rubies. A strike upon the back of your head interrupts your staring.

“What are you doing standing there doing nothing? I’ve got things for you to do.”

You’ve run yourself down running around like a headless chicken. Searching across town for the products and tasks you’ve been sent to complete. Vain efforts that are impractical and impossible.

Once the hand hits 5 and your work is done for the day, Yoongi had texted you asking a few favours. No matter how drained you were, you could never refuse a request from him. You dragged your drowsy self into the driver’s seat and prayed the time would go by fast.

It did not. It seemed as if Yoongi was persistent that you stay running into endless walls and dead-ends. Too many things out of stock, nonexistent, or a million miles away. The stars start to shine in the sky, mirroring the way your eyes glisten with galaxies of exhaustion.

The drive home is a blue blur. Your head mixes up time with tiredness, and your sore eyes paint watercolour tears over your surroundings. This bleary fog blinds you, and once it lifts the slightest bit, you find yourself standing at the front door.

When you walk through the door, you wish you hadn’t. Yoongi’s kneeled over someone, it would look intimate if it wasn’t for the muffled screams and rageful roars that harmonize in the air. He’s shouting at her, choking and stumbling through laughter that never seizes. She’s trying to scream, but his hand holds a rag that’s shoved halfway down her throat. A dirted knife is held in his other.

You can barely recognize the women beneath her own blood and carnage, but you manage. You’re able to distinguish the bleached blonde hair that he rips from her scalp. The array of hair sprawled out around the two bodies guides your eyes to the bejeweled earrings you set your sights upon only hours earlier. This gore has glossed over the diamonds, leaving them dull and lifeless.

You remember the face that matched the gems, young and confident. That pearly white smile that once had you feeling envious has been knocked off her cocky grin. You’re able to pinpoint her place above you. Her, the idolized icon and you as her dirty dog.

She’s your manager, or maybe she won’t be when Yoongi’s finished with her. She adopted you to be her pet. A plaything to possess in her position of power. Always replaceable and inevitably desperate, you played along with her game to keep your job. It paid well and the benefits were more than anyone could ever hope for. In a game of pain and promise, you chose the former in order to receive the latter. This tiresome torture laid an ache in your heart, yet Yoongi was there to stitch back the pieces. Giving yourself up to be teased and toyed with by a tyrant allowed you to have a peaceful life with Yoongi, separate from the harm.

Yet sometimes, in the blue afternoon when the world is set to silence, the stinging sadness slips through the cracks. You’ve never been good at keeping things hidden from Yoongi, and you’d like to assume the same for him too. You strained your sore throat through the crying and told Yoongi about everything that happens daily at work. Her taunts that leave you tense and the impossible tasks she’d give only to punish you after you failed to complete them.

Your rampant rant had left you tired and you leaned up against his chest. The only sound that made sense in your mind was the rushing red flowing through his heart. A serene song that serenades you to sleep. You counted the beats as you drifted off into dreamland. 1, a heart that keeps Yoongi alive. 2, a heartbeat that means he’s here. 3, a heartache that tears him apart.

You couldn’t see it then, off in euphoria while Yoongi laid wide awake. But a bloodshot look with black pupils bled misery down his features. Hot and steady, sorrow fell off his face and the teardrops kissed your skin. Yoongi’s head and heart had been set ablaze into a state of chaos. Hot fury and cold desperation confused him. He’s angry and sad all at once. Although, much like any other time, his rage outweighed the anguish and fiery eyes ignited.

This was 3 days ago. Yet now you stand amidst an annihilation. The bloodbath soaks every surface of your home. Lost pieces of hair, skin, and claret carnage find their way upon tabletops and splattered across the walls. The sight steals your breath, making you a mute statue in this red revelation. After minutes of struggling with a swollen tongue and stolen speech, you squeak out his name in surprise.

“Yo-Yoongi,” the words leave your lips tainted in tragedy. You can barely make out a single syllable from the flood of nausea that rushes through you. You sound so betrayed, it sends a hot hell-fire burning through Yoongi. The knife clatters to the floor when he whips his head up to face you.

“Y/n!” His gasp is laced with feverish panic that leaves his heart racing. Liquid white agony tangles itself through his veins.

Once Yoongi directs all his attention to this distraction, the victim on the ground struggles against the dark burden of death. Her shrill scream pierces the silence as she whips her head back and forth in hysteria. Her own mindless panic causes her to smack her head against the wooden floorboards 10 times over. Blood sprays every which way as she mindlessly flails her lost limbs. It’s pathetic to watch her squirm under the inevitable circumstances. Severed stumps replace what was once her arms. Her legs fare no better; mutilated beyond repair, the joints cause their appendages to stick up in an unflattering way.

The girl’s ear splitting shrieks muddled together with her own blood continue on without stopping. The inhumane noises are both maddening and horrifying to two different people.

Yoongi feels his irritation rise to a breaking point. The fucked up bitch lying desperate on the floor is trying to ruin his chances of explanation.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He roughly grabs her head and bashes it into the floor until she stops screaming. She’s left a mangled mess upon the ground. Skin slit in every direction, and cuts ripped apart from the force of his anger. Brain matter spills out the back of her dented cranium. Her whole body twitches before falling into a limp pile amongst the bloodshed.

Yoongi stands back up from his place knelt over her corpse. He frantically attempts to wipe off the scarlet sins that stain his hands. With a wild fever, Yoongi rubs his hands raw onto his pants and shakes his head in stress. You can see the way the stress sinks into his eyes as well, red-rimmed and tearing up as they stare into you.

“Y/n, y/n please. Please listen.” Each word is slurred together from the tears and terror that take hold of him. He rushes toward you in desperation and you watch as his eyes widen when you step back. “Please, this doesn’t mean anything. I still love you, I LOVE YOU!” His hopelessness destroys his composure as he begins yelling in order to get his message across. Seeing you flinch and fail to hide the fear in your watery eyes leads Yoongi to take a different approach. “I love you, I love you. This is just proving how much you mean to me.” He’s reached you now. Standing six inches away and tugging your figure to fall into him. “I’d do anything for you.” He mumbles his declaration in a low tone. He matches your misty eyes and stares into you.

He holds half your weight, keeping your knees from giving in and dropping you downwards. He keeps you pushed gently against the wall and pressed into his chest. His hands keep your head cradled gently as he moves to hug you close.

He lays kisses along your jawline and makes his way up, hoping that if he tries hard enough, he’ll be able to subdue the sadness. He’s counting the crystals as they fall and making sure they don’t double.

Yoongi hates seeing you cry. His hands shake along with yours as the remorse for his actions flows through him. Although don’t be mistaken, his repentance should not be confused with regret. No, Yoongi doesn’t regret killing that filthy bitch at all. Pride swells in his chest and he chokes back a smile from reminiscing on her screams. Yoongi instead is regretful of not being more careful. He should’ve hidden this better. Shouldn’t have gotten caught up in the rush and been careless with his decisions. He wishes you never would’ve seen that.

Your tears leave tracks in the bloodshed he’s spilled upon you. Your cries have been shushed into small sniffles, but you feel all the same. Shock has taken over your limbs, leaving them heavy for him to carry. All thoughts have been blown out of your head at the drop of this bombshell.

What were once lipstick marks are now bloodstains. He continues to kiss the pain away. Dragging his lips slowly up your neck and back down lower. These ruby smudges leave raised marks when his caressing begins to hold back an anger. If you could get your mouth to mutter easy words, then you would tell him that his lips sting. His kisses feel like bleach to bare skin. The trails he traces down your body leave shadows of his sins. Each peck he places on your pink cheeks holds the memories of the shouts he yelled only moments prior.

“Let me get you cleaned up.” His husky whisper is placed at the base of your jaw. He pulls himself away far enough to look in your eyes. Your foreheads almost touching and your warm breath being shared between you. When you don’t resist he places a final kiss to your lips before steadying you against him once more.

He’s patient and careful in the way he puppeteers your movements. Taking control of each limb as if it’s his own. He towers over you with the way he holds you. Your feet placed atop his, he walks you two, slow and steady, to the bedroom. Placing you down on the bed, he keeps you safe with your head nestled into his neck. He kisses the top of your head and lingers. Grabbing the hem of your shirt, he asks a question that only stills in the quiet.

“Good?” There’s no response. He bends down a tad bit further to try and look into your drowsy eyes. Your head hung so heavy against his collarbone only lets him move so far. “Tell me if you’re uncomfortable.” He takes off your top, moving to your pants, and then follows with your underwear. Empathetic emotions sway his movements as every action is taken bit-by-bit. Taking your body’s behavior as a guiding force on what causes your anxiety to jump. Strong, sharp movements cause you to recoil and a voice that resembles even a hint of a shout or gravely tone sends shivers up your spine. Your goosebumps travel across Yoongi’s skin too.

Now you’re left bare and sensitive under his skin. Yoongi works to avoid your empty eyes. Instead, he makes sure to support your vulnerable soul. You’ll remain in his arms where he’ll keep you warm and safe. He clings to your fading existence as he takes you into the bathroom. He holds a patient pace, wary of the wind that might steal away more pieces of you.

He tears his clothes off in a blur, focused on attending to you. Sitting you on the edge of the bathtub, he reaches over to turn on the shower. Each minute is counted in Yoongi’s head as he waits for the water to warm up. One hand extended out to feel the heat, and the other rested on the crown of your head. You rest against his stomach, forehead sticking to his stress induced sweat. So limpid and lazy, you don’t even take the chance to outstretch yourself and grasp onto him. His waist is cold without your arms wrapped around it. Your brittle breath against his belly-button only startles the man instead of teasing a lustful heat that such a position would usually bring. You just lay like a dead doll against him. So silent and still you can almost hear the snakes that stir up a storm in his stomach.

When the water is a tender temperature, Yoongi picks you up from the meat of your thighs and slides you two into the steam. You stay standing under the water for a while; waiting and watching as time continues its cascade. Yoongi tries to take away all the blood smeared across both of you. Slender hands slide across your skin, rubbing at the red until it washes away.

His actions soon become more aimless as he grows selfishly desperate to feel your soul. His hands laid heavy upon your hips. His grip tightens and he places meaningless pecks anywhere he can find. His fingernails press a little too deep into your pink flesh, yet there’s no reaction to the pain. His hands work in a flurry to fist any piece of skin he can latch onto. Your wet bodies are so close you’re on the verge of blurring into one. So close, yet Yoongi still can’t feel you. There’s no life beneath his fingertips.

Your despondency startles him. Usually your energetic nature is what he relies on most. A permanent piece of his life that never changes and never falters. Just looking at you now, feeling the cold statue in his arms, he wants to cut himself to shreds attempting to bleed out this displeasure. Even if it is his own doing, he’ll make sure he’s also the one to fix you.

Yoongi starts by shifting you both so you can sit in the base of the bathtub. He reaches to the shelf above your head and grabs the shampoo. His hands work their way through your hair. He detangles the knots from both your curls, and hopefully your mind. Yoongi has always been so meticulous in everything he does. He takes long, languid movements to assure no soap gets in your eyes. And when a droplet slips past his grasp, he’ll kiss away the escapee while grimacing at the suds his tongue tastes.

His caring efforts are used to calm himself just as much as they are meant for you. He’s trying to distract himself from his uneven breathing that edges the line of a mental breakdown. His rasping continues as he now reaches for the second bottle above you.

Once again, Yoongi works to lather the conditioner in his hands before smoothing it through your hair. He’s petting you how someone would comfort a dog, or console a crying child. Each easy touch he makes in order to not startle you any further. When he grabs the soap, he’s diligent with his motions. Efficient at scrubbing you clean, but tender in the way he maneuvers you.

An hour washes itself down the drain. The water has run cold and the stream has cooled away. Yoongi takes your hands and wraps them around his neck before picking you up. He places you on the bathmat and reaches to grab a towel. You're patted dry before being wrapped in the dirty towel. Lifted up again, the man in front of you takes another dry towel off the rack. Yoongi is shaking from the frigid temperature that creeps around him. This feeling could be the least of his worries and he only pays attention to scaring away the icy droplets from your hair. He smooths your hair in one stroke with the towel then follows up by softening your strands with a brush. This two step process continues until Yoongi has been completely air-dried by the bitter cold. Random but repeated chills bite along his bare back and stir up shivers.

Atrophy sets in when Yoongi begins to dress you. You're shock-still and there are no signs of it stopping. Unstirring and motionless, set to fall unless Yoongi was there to hold you. It’s significantly more difficult to dress you, so Yoongi only settles for underwear and one of his shirts. He decides to only wear boxers, opting to show you the most humane and vulnerable parts of himself. He leaves himself defenseless, ready to accept anything you give him. You’re pulled and pushed until you settle into the sheets. Both Yoongi and the bed wrap around you. Clinging to every empty space of you, they work to make you warm and soft for sleep.

Yoongi pushes himself closer against you and tugs at the covers to bring them up higher. His bitten lips lay resting on the nape of your neck. He navigates his hands through the blankets to find your own. He noses the back of your neck and wishes pretty pleas for you to wake up like none of this ever happened

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” His melody of the sincerest apologies sings you to sleep. His hymn echoes off the shadowed walls of the bedroom and settles into background noise. The soft words vibrate against your back, almost resembling a purr. Saccharine sorrys and repeats of “Don’t be afraid, I’d never hurt you,” are mumbled until Yoongi loses his voice. His sore throat stings with a metallic taste.

Feverish determination ends up sedating his sorrows. He’ll guide you into his good graces once again. He’s patient and gentle. As time tumbles onwards, he’ll be the best boyfriend once again, because everything about Yoongi is sugary sweet.

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jpitha · 1 year

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More #Aliens are Gardenworlders. What happens when a Human gets approval to live on an actual Garden world?

Day 1 Hey Diary! I'm so excited! It took something like 8 weeks and practically a dozen forms, but I finally got approval to relocate to that Garden world I was telling you about! It's so nice here. Everyone is friendly, the house they assigned me to so so cute, and it's just incredibly easy to get around and get food. And the weather? It's been sunny and warm, and a local was confused when I asked what season it was. They don't have seasons! No more ice and snow! I think I'm going to like it here.

Day 28 Huh. Still sunny and warm today Diary. I expected at least some clouds or rain or a thunderstorm, but nothing yet. It's been sunny and warm all month long. They don't even count months here! They just track the days in a yearly period! Went out to my "garden" (really the forest behind my house) for some lunch and just grabbed whatever I could pick. It was all tasty and easy to eat.

Day 62 Diary. It's still sunny and warm. I don't get it. Every day is exactly the same. All the locals don't notice or care, and when I ask about weather they look at me oddly. Didn't feel like foraging today, so I just ate some of the "grass" in the backyard. It's fine, tastes like pistachio.

Day 180 OMG DIARY! It rained today! Everyone was so scared! They said it only happens once a year or so and was all worried about it. Schools were closed and everyone stayed inside. It wasn't even a thunderstorm! It just rained for about 90 minutes in the morning, then the clouds parted and it was sunny and warm again. I stood outside in the rain the whole time not even caring that I was getting wet.

Day 200 I've read just about every book I can get my hands on, twice! I've watched all the shows that I can get off my pad, human and non! (I will say, those K'laxi historical dramas are very good, but I don't like the Xenni war documentaries). I. am. bored.

Day 250 Okay, you're going to think I'm getting weird Diary, but this can't be normal. It rained once the whole time I was here, it's never gotten too cold or too hot, has always been sunny or partly sunny, I can eat practically everything around me and get this - it's so easy to sneak up on the locals. It sounds mean when I write it out, but I can just crouch in the bushes and when one walks by jump up and go BOO! And they scream and run away. The fourth time I did it, the authorities came by and asked me nicely to stop. They said they didn't want to "interfere with any human predator rituals" but that I had to "stop stalking the locals."

Day 380 It's been more than a year, and I'm more convinced than ever that I am in hell. After that one time it rained last year, it hasn't done anything else! Also, I got in trouble again for stalking the locals - I wasn't even going to attack them or anything, it's just TOO EASY to sneak up on them. I need to get another hobby or something.

Day 420 (nice!) So Diary, I got in some pretty big trouble with the planetary authorities this time. It turns out, nobody here had ever heard of Extreme Sports before. I was just so bored, that I had a motocross bike shipped over. I had found one that was just like I had when I was a kid on Earth! It was so cherry. Someone had done a lot of work to it. Anyway, I had built a little course in the back forest of my house, nothing crazy! But someone saw me doing jumps and getting some sick air, and called the authorities, worried I was "exhibiting symptoms of self-harm." They took my bike!

Day 500 Okay, I give. I can't live here anymore. If you can believe it, I'm getting burnt out on nice weather! I did a telehealth session with a human therapist off-world and they recommended I apply to be transferred back to a human world, or at least moved to a Starbase or ship. Somewhere where things can change, and there's more going on.

#aliens are gardenworlders #humans are deathworlders #humans are space capybaras #humans are space orcs #humans are bored #humans do motocross #sci fi writing #writing

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sky-casino · 2 years

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oikawa x y/n: growing pains

loving him. losing yourself in loving him. drifting apart. getting back together? word count: 4,400+

you and oikawa became best friends in middle school

then it was during your first year of high school when you got romantically entangled

after graduating from seijoh, you went to college while oikawa worked a full-time job at a cafe so he can save up for his trip to brazil and argentina.

you knew that he was already decided on becoming a pro volleyball player. you were certain that nothing and no one could get in his way, and you were 100% supportive of him as long as he takes care of his health and doesn't overexert himself.

with this, you also knew that if you wanted to continue being with him, you would eventually need to leave your life in japan behind to move to argentina with oikawa. but you didn't mind. he's the one, after all.

once he could afford to travel and stay in argentina as a pro trainee, you two had a long-distance relationship. it was difficult but manageable and worth it. you, a university student. him, an aspiring pro player for the argentina volleyball team.

fast forward to some years later and after much hardwork, oikawa was finally and officially named as a member of the argentina volleyball team. everything's ready: the contract, citizenship, his position, his jersey, his apartment and dorm room, the works.

he excitedly video-called you when it was tuesday 4am for you and it was monday 4pm for him. you're completely used to these wee-hours-of-the-morning calls by now.

you were extremely ecstatic for him because through the many years of knowing oikawa, it has been ingrained in you how much blood, sweat, and tears he has expended to reach this dream. sometimes, you contemplate how physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted he must be, and you just cry. oikawa wasn't aware of this as you didn't want him to worry.

he indirectly reminded you that with his official admission to the team, you'll now have to move to argentina as well, which you both originally planned, "i'm so excited to see you, babe! finally, we won't have to deal with this long-distance anymore."

you chuckled and reciprocated his excitement, making a mental note of how you'll explain to your boss that you'd have to leave the company.

he was sad to cut the video call short, but he wanted to give you more time to sleep, "bye, baby. i love you! i'll call you again tomorrow to share more deets!"

two months after that video call, oikawa was waiting for you at the airport and just like in the movies, you ran to each other and he picked you up in an embrace as the two of you twirled around. it's been too long since you last saw each other.

oikawa helped you settle in by touring you around, introducing you to his coach and teammates, and teaching you some argentinian language when you guys have free time.

your daily life consists of oikawa waking up early to go to work and you sleeping in for a bit. oikawa never fails to cook breakfast for you, always leaving a sweet note beside the plate.

you've been relentlessly seaching online for a job in argentina since oikawa informed you of his admission to the team. you wanted to secure a job in the foreign country even before arriving there. unfortunately, you still have no luck in finding a suitable job because you couldn't speak their language. oikawa knows that this has been troubling you, and he comforts you and says that it's probably high time for you to take a break from working as you've been burnt out from your most recent job as an art curator.

you realized that he was right as you enjoyed sleeping in and just bumming around in your shared apartment. you took this generous amount of free time as an opportunity to finish all the books in your pile, try out new recipes that you cooked for oikawa, and binge all the shows in your Netflix's My List section.

after almost two months of this relaxed lifestyle, you started getting restless and bored. and so you tried looking for a job again and you stumbled upon an opening for a work-from-home data encoder position. the pay is much less than the one you previously had, but honestly, this is the best (and only) position you are qualified for right now. so, you sent your resume and after a couple of interviews and exams, you got the job. to celebrate, you and oikawa had a romantic candle-lit dinner at home where both of you cooked.

oikawa has been busy lately, so spending this special night with him plus finally getting a job really lifted your spirits. however, beneath all that, a small part of you was still uneasy. you knew that given your skills, experience, and previous position, you deserve a better and more fulfilling job. but you ignored this thought and didn't tell oikawa about it as you didn't want to ruin the night.

you've been working as a data encoder for a year now. you quickly learned the ropes and eventually found the work no longer challenging. it also infuriates you that there has been no salary increase in that one year. the thought that you deserve a more relevant and fulfilling job is creeping back into your mind, or maybe it never left and is just making its presence stronger now. thus, you never stopped looking for a job that's more in line with your background as an art curator. but you couldn't find one where you qualify because all the job vacancies require the applicant to be an argentinian graduate. though this frustrates you, you know it makes sense because homegrown argentinian citizens would be better art curators as they know and understand their local art far better than you, a foreigner, ever could. in terms of the language, you've been struggling learning it as well and eventually lost the will to continue studying it. basically, career-wise, nothing's going great for you.

you also miss your family and friends terribly. so that night, as you and oikawa were cuddling in bed, you suggested for the both of you to go back home to Japan to spend time with your loved ones. in response, he caressed your face and said that he understood your feelings and that he felt the same. however, he gently reminded you that he is still considered as a new starting member, which means he needs to spend at least two years playing in that position consistently before he could visit home. he embraced you tightly when he said that currently, you still have to wait for ten months. you were frustrated to hear this, but you didn't want to argue or add to oikawa's stress since it's something that the both of you can't do anything about. so you just told yourself that the ten months will fly by before you know it. visiting home by yourself was out of the picture as well because it just didn't feel right to do that.

nine months have passed since then and after oikawa got home one night, you giddily reminded him that the ten months that you're both waiting for will end next month and you can finally visit home.

your smile slowly got erased from your face when you heard oikawa say, "yeah, about that..."

you nervously asked him what's wrong, and he explained that the coach just announced that morning that the next three months will be busy for his team as they will go overseas for training camps. their first stop is brazil, then they'll move straight to europe, specifically italy and poland.

then you asked, "how about our plan to visit home next month?"

"i'm so sorry babe, i.. i really am. we just have to wait for three months, then we can finally fly home. i promise."

after that, his apologetic tone switched to an amusing one as he chuckled, mentioning how he's excited to face hinata, kageyama, and ushijima again.

that chuckle annoyed you even more. it was the last straw. and something inside you finally snapped. as tears relentlessly fell across your face, you suddenly blurted out all your frustrations and fears.

you mentioned how much you miss your family and friends and how unhappy you are with your current job and with the fact that you can't find work that you actually like. you told oikawa how exhausted you are mentally and emotionally, and that ultimately, you've been feeling burnt out and depressed. you felt like you're in the wrong place. you also shared that you've been contemplating about your own future lately, and you started to feel scared thinking about getting stuck in your current job and you realized that you can't live in a country where you only had two options: settle with an unfulfilling job or later on be a housewife. both were distasteful to you.

oikawa watched and listened to you with wide eyes, unable to move. after you said everything and continued to sob on the floor, he panicked and quickly placed his water down on the table before running to you.

"baby, i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry... i didn't know that you've been feeling this way. what do you want me to do? i'll do anything to help. i'll take care of y-"

"i'm done, oikawa. i... i need to go home, where my family and friends are, where i can grow professionally and personally. argentina just isn't for me. i feel empty in this place. i thought i was going to be happy because i'd be with you. but i'm sorry, it turns out that being with you isn't... enough." you said in between sobs.

it's the most difficult thing you ever had to say and you felt a pang of regret. you wish you didn't say it, you wish you could turn back time and avoid this entire conversation. but you're done adjusting, done being always the understanding one between the two of you, done putting oikawa before yourself. you had to do this.

seeing the pain in oikawa's eyes as he slowly realized that you're breaking up with him pierced your heart. it was a searing sensation. it's now oikawa's turn to sob as he begged you not to leave, embracing your midriff tightly. you had no energy left to talk, so instead you caressed his head ever so slowly and lovingly. then you thought that perhaps this is the last time you get to do that.

you told him that you're both tired and you're going to sleep already, he can follow if he wants. later on, you were in bed spacing out as oikawa took a shower. he tried to muffle his cries but you could still faintly hear it. you slept facing away from him and as soon as he joined you in bed, he slowly wrapped his arms around you and snuggled his face into your neck, basking in your warmth and scent.

the next morning, you woke up without oikawa beside you. you were so out of it that you questioned whether last night's fight was a nightmare or real. unfortunately, it's the latter.

you slowly got up, feeling extremely lethargic. but that feeling left your body for a second when you were surprised to see oikawa cooking in the kitchen, you thought he went to work as usual.

he hesitated to talk to you, but he managed. "g-good morning... babe. i just finished making breakfast. let's eat! i'm not going to work today. i... i want to discuss and fix this... with you."

you took longer than usual to respond because you couldn't help but notice his puffy red eyes and the fact that his face is full of pain but he's still trying his best to smile. when you finally processed what he just said, you realized that he hasn't accepted your decision, he's still not letting you go.

"tooru... i've made up my mind." you said, struggling not to let your voice tremble. "please, just let me go. i need to leave."

and just like a broken dam giving in to water pressure, he quickly burst into tears as he sat down abruptly. he shook his head vehemently, covering his face with his hands, finding it hard to accept what he's hearing.

you walked briskly to him and knelt in front of him as you held and caressed the sides of his head, "tooru, don't worry. we can still be best friends-"

"i want to be more than that! i am more than that!" he yelled as he freed his red face from his hands. "i love you so much. i can't live without you, y/n. you know that!"

"no, tooru. you can, you definitely can live without me. you're doing so well! you've achieved your dream and you're happy here. after working so hard since we're young, you're finally in the right place, in the right team."

"it's because i have you. i was able to endure everything because i have you!"

"you're in the right place, tooru. you belong here. i don't. and if there's anything you know about me, it's that i don't want to hold you back from doing what you love. i would never forgive myself if i became the reason why you can't do well or why you can't do great things. that's the worst for me. i want to see you soar and reach greater heights. okay?"

oikawa couldn't say anything as he sobbed.

"if you love me, tooru... and you want me to be happy, you're going to let me go. i also want to do great things. i also have my own goals that i want to achieve. and i'm so sorry, but i can't do that here." you finally lost composure as you let the tears fall.

you and oikawa embraced each other in a long tight hug as you cried. it was the good cry that both of you needed.

you slowly freed yourself from the hug after half an hour. oikawa gently held you in place before you could completely go away. you looked at him and you saw his faint and painful smile as he studied and caressed every inch of your face. "sorry, i just want to look at and feel your face one last time.", he said as a tear fell.

you did the same, you gently ran your fingertips on his pretty face, the face that you've adored since you were 12 years old.

after touching each other's face, you kissed passionately for the last time and you spent the rest of the day just enjoying each other's company, mostly in silence. both of you didn't bring up the topic of when exactly you will be leaving. oikawa was afraid to ask, and you knew that so you didn't tell him the date yet. it could wait.

that night, you reminded him that he should go back to work the next day as it's not good to be absent for long, and he reluctantly agreed. what he didn't know is that the main reason you reminded him was because you didn't want him to see you as you pack your belongings, as it would just add more to the pain.

the next night, oikawa came home to see your luggage. you explained that your flight is scheduled the following night and while he was devastated that it's so soon, he just nodded his head. you apologized for the rush but he smiled sadly and said that he understands.

you were guilty for scheduling the flight so soon, but you knew that staying any longer and delaying your departure would just make it harder for you both to let go.

the next evening, you were about to board the plane with oikawa seeing you off.

"if... if ever you changed your mind and you want to come back to me, i'm just here, okay? i'm just a text or call away. i love you so much, y/n." he said shakily, trying not to cry in public.

you embraced him tightly, "take care of yourself, tooru. i hope you can visit home as soon as possible, they all miss you back there."

after that, you two parted ways. as oikawa watched you leave, his heart welled up with regrets and what-ifs.

"But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss, I knew you'd haunt all my what-ifs."

after terribly missing your family and friends, you've been spending more time with them. desperate to make up for lost time, you even started living with your parents again.

both family and friends were devastated to learn about your breakup with oikawa. their suggestions for your what you should do next were divided: half of them wanted you to find someone new so you could forget him as soon as possible, while the other half wanted you to take a break from love to heal. you agreed with the latter. it's still too painful to go out and start seeing someone new.

eventually, it's been a year since you got back from argentina and you found yourself happy and in a better state than the year before. your previous company had welcomed you back upon your return and now, you just got promoted.

in terms of your romantic life, you've been on a couple of dates with guys who were either referred to you by a friend or someone you met at work, but there was no spark. there was no second date for any of those men.

it was a winter night after work, nearing christmas, when you found him outside your family house's gate.

you couldn't believe it, honestly. you and oikawa remained in contact this past year, but only through seldom chats. you couldn't even do video calls because you both knew it was going to be very awkward. so finding him now standing near your gate as the snow fell was truly surprising.

"tooru?"

he almost snapped his neck as he looked at you, wide eyes and a smile.

"what are you doing out here? it's cold! you're gonna get sick. let's go inside." you hurried to the gate with the key in your hand.

"no, i'm fine here! besides, i'm scared of your parents. they're mad at me for what happened. you got hurt because of me, remember?" he said with a sad smile.

"what? they're not mad at you! they're sad about what happened, but they don't blame you. don't worry about that."

you were happy to see the relieved look on his face. you didn't know that he had such thought weighing on him.

"thank, god. but really, i'd like to talk to you here outside. let's go to the nearby park, if that's alright?"

his tone and facial expression told you that he's uneasy, so you obliged. "sure. it's so great to see you again, tooru. what's up? "

"it's lovely to see you again too, y/n. it honestly feels a bit surreal because i haven't been back here in a long time. it's my first time to come home since i became a starter in the argentinian team."

"what? you didn't come home after your overseas training camps last year?"

"nope. instead, i bought tickets for my family so they can visit me and see argentina. then a few months after my family left, iwa-chan, makki, and matsukawa surprised me with their own visit. it was funny, they literally suddenly showed up at my door one early morning. i was still in my pajamas when i opened the door. " oikawa said, both of you laughing.

"wow, that's very in-character for them." you chuckled.

"i know right."

after a short pause and awkward silence, oikawa continued in a more somber tone, "i... i wanted to chat you everyday, you know? i felt so bad being unable to keep in touch with you regularly."

"there's no reason to feel bad, tooru. it's oka-"

"i wanted to talk to you everyday, but i was scared that you'd think i'm annoying and clingy. so i gave you space and time... so you can heal. but i don't know," he shrugged, "i felt so uneasy, maybe because i missed you so much but for the first time ever, i couldn't do anything about it."

you saw how distraught he was so you comforted him right away, "first, i wouldn't think you're annoying for messaging me. when we broke up, didn't i say that we'd still be best friends? second, don't worry. starting from now on, we will message and call each other more regularly. overall, we will just do better in keeping in touch. okay?"

"okay... that'd be great, y/n."

oikawa hesitated and internally struggled to reply and smile because no, he did not want to merely keep in touch, he wanted to persuade you to come back to him. that's what he truly wanted.

you arrived at the park. there were just a few people because it was getting late and colder into the night. you sat down on one of the benches as oikawa ran to the nearby vending machine. he came back with hot matcha for you and hot red bean drink for himself. you remembered how you two and your friends joked about your drinks being the colors of christmas, which is closely approaching.

there was an awkward silence but oikawa cut through it by asking you about your life since you came home. you expected that he'd break the ice because oikawa hated awkward silence since you were kids.

you shared updates about everything, from work, social life, and new hobbies, but never about your dating life and the somewhat lack thereof. you just felt that you wanted to spare him from any details about that.

what you failed to notice--because you couldn't actually look him in the eye--was that he was both happy and regretful to know how well you're doing now that you're home. he wanted you to be this happy with him in argentina. but now that he saw your smile and heard your lively tone as you shared about your new life, the universe confirmed to him once more that home is where you're happy and thriving, and it broke his little heart even more.

"your turn!" you said enthusiastically, trying not to go back to the awkward atmosphere again.

"ahh, yes! haha. hmm.. i'm... i'm still a starter, still playing for the team. so... yup. nothing new, really. but it's all good." oikawa tried to laugh his awkwardness away, but he failed because it was still very apparent with all his stammering and fiddling fingers.

honestly, it's quite painful and unexpected to see and hear him like this. you wanted to ask if there's anything wrong, but you couldn't bring yourself to do so. deep inside, you were scared that asking that question might open a dam of feelings and words that would cause a rift.

as you were contemplating this, oikawa on the other hand was thinking how much of a loser he was. he hated being awkward in front of you. he was frightened that you might ask if there's anything wrong because if you do, uncontrollable tears and words might come flowing out from him. words such as, "i'm not doing great at all, y/n. i tried to move on, but i just can't. i desperately miss you and i can't take it anymore. it's no one but you. the true reason i came to see you tonight is to ask if we can start all over again. if it's possible for you to give me a second chance. i'm sorry. i'll do my best. i promise."

but he knew that blurting out those words would make things worse and might bring the two of you to a point of no return. he reminded himself that he's just here to see you, catch up with you, and rekindle the friendship. that's all.

"i'll walk you back home." he said with his pretty and sweet smile, the one you're used to seeing, and you felt relieved because you took this as a sign that he's feeling better now.

oikawa was able to smile genuinely like that because he finally accepted that you're just friends now, and forever.

"thank you, tooru. i really enjoyed catching up. seeing you here was a big surprise." you said as you arrived home.

"same here!" he smiled. "but... uhm, y/n? can i..." he added, suddenly averting his eyes.

"what is it?"

"can... can i... can i hug you?" he asked. "just a friendly hug!" he added right after.

"oh. sure, tooru." you chuckled. then you saw how his eyes truly sparkled for the first time that night.

"really? it's okay? thank you, y/n." oikawa whispered with an excited smile before going in for the hug.

it was so tight and warm, too tight actually. but you didn't mind it, caressing his back in return with your gloved hands.

you were smiling, thinking of this as a good way to end this catch-up night. but oikawa was doing his utmost best holding back tears. he was engulfed in happiness and desperation. it's been over a year since your last embrace, so of course he's very elated. but he was also reminded of how much he missed you and your warmth, of the pain of letting you go, and of the fact that he could no longer embrace you everyday like before.

in the past, he could hug you for minutes and cuddle in bed with you for hours. but now he was scared that he might scare you off, so after about five seconds, he let you go even though he didn't want to.

you bid each other good night and he watched until you safely entered your house, waving one last time.

now that he's alone, he could finally release the tears he's been holding back the entire night as he walked home.

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innocentlymacabre · 8 months

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NOW THEY CALL ME THE PLAGUE⤳ five snippets

little collation of the excerpts I've been sharing off late for my wonderful taglist :)

“Get back out, Trance. We don’t need to hide, it’s not going to hurt us,” Eda said, her voice dripping with despair and disappointment. “It’s already taken everyone it wanted to.”

I would be remiss to say my entire time here has been coloured with pain. I was dejected at first, yes, unable to make much sense of the human world. The single sun in the sky confused me, and the constant rhythm with which it alternated places with the single moon was a routine that took some getting used to. In the Dreaming, day and night is a looser concept, the landscape shifting according to its mood rather than its position in space. Our land might not be able to talk, but to say it isn’t alive would be a gross miscalculation. One can always feel its heart beating and its blood coursing through its veins, connected to us just as much as we are connected to each other.

While Trance had no intention of ever permanently changing his shift schedule, he did have to admit that the people who filtered through the tavern’s doors during Eda’s shift were far more, for lack of better word, interesting. He only got your usual group of mops that no one but their posse really wants anything to do with. But, as the night wore on on their rare use of the Arrangement, their numbers began to dwindle, and were replaced with a far more scintillating assortment. It also made him feel a smidge more useful than he did during his usual day shifts – which wasn’t something Trance particularly cared for, if he was honest. Resurrectionists quite literally working the graveyard shift (which was a profession Trance was thoroughly fascinated by), apothecaries either on their way back from or on their way to scouring for ingredients from who-knows-where, cooks from inns and taverns that closed early, captains floating through looking for a new crew – as one of the only places open into the early hours of the morning, Smokey’s brought in everyone and more.

Trance tried to pull her back. He tried to grab her and bring her away from the ledge, away from the ship, but his hand passed through a ghost. The rules were back in play and he was once again forced into his role as a spectator, doomed to watch as his best friend in the world – someone he would do so much more than simply kill for – was subsumed by the things of her very nightmares. Eda was going in to face the worst night of her life alone, and there was nothing he could do to help her.

Trance gulped and readjusted his grip on the sword. He nervously side-eyed Eda, wondering what the play was. He’d accepted that the ship itself wasn’t somehow going to hurt him, but he couldn’t ignore the growing feeling in his gut that was warning him to turn tail and run as far away from the rooftop ledge as possible. He’d lived in Thredfrost for a long, long time, so he was no stranger to trouble. He knew how to stare it down, and, most importantly, when not to. He’d developed a sort of warning system. This ship had grabbed the system by the throat and burnt it with a vengeance. And then everything cut off. It was all still there, of course, but Trance couldn’t feel anything any longer. There was no hatred or hunger from the flames, there was no heat fanning his face, there was just nothing. A heavy sort of nothing, one that hung in the air and made you aware of its presence, but wasn’t really there all the time. The kind of feeling you get when you know you’re meant to be doing something, but can’t, for the life of you, figure out what. It was like the wool had been pulled over his eyes so unmovingly that he'd been forced to come up with a world of his own for fear of going insane in the nothingness.

↝✧↝

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darkobssessions · 1 year

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I'm getting really angry at how nothing about work or workplaces is geared for neurodivergents and especially autistics.

Absolutely nothing from the set up, the requirements, the social element, the hours, the expectations, the environment. Nothing.

Not the resumes and cover letters, nor the interviews, nor the vague conditions and agreements upon employment.

Am I a bit late to the party? Maybe. But it is because I only found out I was autistic in 2021 and have a patchy work history, leaving jobs, doing part-time gigs, and burning out in my education career.

I'm in severe burnout but also in a position where I have to get independent and fast away from my abusive family. I've basically dedicated my existence to job search, resume writing, and applications for the last 2 years (I lived with my partner for some of that time but had to leave the UK due to no full time job/visa and then with my parents the rest of the time working at the only career I've had that's paid me consistently: education).

The only problem is passion projects are impossible when you're burnt out, and careers often burn autistics out (because of set up of workplace cultures). I love teaching. I don't love demands, social elements and sensory overload.

My experience basically qualifies me most strongly for educational jobs.

But I am finding everyone is requiring so much all of the time, even in the process of hiring and giving you so so so little that it isn't even worth it.

'We'll hire you, but maybe only one day a week.'

'We don't know when you can start, HR has a huge backlog right now we will let you know when we know more.'

'You need to do these 5 trainings before you begin and go book fingerprinting and background checks.'

They want you to give everything and pay you a part-time wage.

Or they want you to give 40+ hours. Or super early in the morning (which is not possible with my burnout, mental health, moods and physical issues). Not to mention the 'benefits' of a minimal number of sick days they pat themselves on the back for 'awarding' you with, let alone miniscule holidays, and sickeningly low pay for cost of living.

It's all so hostile for NDs.

At first I looked and looked for something fulfilling, and since I have experience, education makes sense. I love teaching. But it's not great if I don't want to be burnt out and on the edge of meltdown daily.

Now I am looking for something part-time that leaves me alone and I can come home from not having been completely overloaded (maybe warehouse work, factories, bookstores, grocery stocking). I thought I wanted to be invested in what I was doing but coupled with what I'm experiencing and what I've read from others about their burnout and jobs, it looks like this may be the way to go.

To put this into perspective, even if something seems like a really good fit because of your experience/career/background or interests there will be a catch or a requirement that it is impossible to fulfill. There's a part-time youth instructing job at a recycling centre gearing them up for graduating and careers which sounded like a great fit until I got to the part where it said it needs you to have a driving license since you will 'ocassionally' need to transport students (ages 16-24!).

Why?

Why must I be an educator AND a social butterfly AND a driver and navigator?

Why?!

It's cheaper and better for them if their workers do everything but it's prohibitive to those of us that have issues and disabilities.

I'm sorry but my abilities as a teacher have no bearing whatsoever on my ability to drive. Driving extracts so much energy from me, is terribly dangerous when I am overwhelmed or melting down, and causes me to panic regularly. I don't notice as much what is going on around me when I am overwhelmed and make mistakes if I am pressured. I have trouble recognising a route even if I frequent it. Places look different at different hours of the day. My ability to navigate is extremely low. My ability to teach is honestly why I was born.

Why must every single role expect you to be neurotypical?

Why to protect our mental health can we only do minimum wage jobs?

Why is this system stacked against us?

I'm so frustrated right now and if I could just make some money to be independent of abuse I could funnel it into creating BETTER for us because we sure as anything deserve it.

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myocsfanfictions · 2 years

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The Wolf, the Stag and the Snake (Book 1)

MASTERLIST

This fanfiction is about three girls who lives in Westeros and how their lives changed when the War began. Follow Antea Stark, Cassandra Baratheon and Cyel Sand in their adventures. There is more you have just to wait and see. This fanfiction follows only the books.

<< Previous - Next >>

Chapter 29

CASSANDRA

It had been days since that night, and Cassie had been ordered to stay in the tower of Maester Aemon to be sure that nothing else as strange as what had happened with her powers happened again.

Being in the tower was boring, and being forced to bed was even worse. She needed to take some fresh air and train even just for few hours.

When she had been brought to the Maester, her head felt so heavy and she felt pain even keeping her eyes open. She had no idea of what had happened to her. Cassandra had been using her powers for years, never her head had hurt in that way, never she had seen all that cold and dark.

The Maester was still looking for a cause, with the help of Sam and Kyuna, that for a woman of the Iron Island was born with sharp intelligence, but they still had no answer. Like they had no answer of what happened to Othor.

Rose and Wylly frequently came to take her company and share some words, she knew they were worried and she was sharing the same feeling, but luckily her body was fine, as well as her head.

Sam was the person she was seeing most, but he was a nice companinon to have. He took care of her and read to her sometimes. Very different from when the boys came to the chamber.

The first time that happened, she had been so surprised; Pyp, Grenn, Dareon, all of them had acted so worried for her well being. They asked her how she was feeling, what had happened, if there were side effect after what happened. She had been so overwhelmed that she hadn’t been able to answer properly.

And then there was Jon. He had hurt one of his hands badly; the Maester said those burnt would surely leave scars on his skin. He was being very brave, facing pain and he went to her everyday, at the end of their duties. She hoped he was feeling better, even if she knew that what worried him the most was his father.

Knowing that, Cassie had written to her mother, asking for explenations. She demanded to know what evidence they had of Ned’s treason, or her uncles’. She asked why the heritage of Joffrey was put under question and she asked what had happened to Sansa and Arya. But nothing...

No one answered. No raven came. Not for her. But for the Maester. That morning arrived a raven from Maester Pycelle announcing that Ser Barristan the Bold had been remouved from the Kingsguard, and his place had been taken by Sandor Clegane.

What in the Seven Hells was going on in King’s Landing?

The more ravens arrived, the more grew inside of her chest a strange feeling of uneasiness thinking about Joffrey as a King and her mother behind him.

“You are so quiet, Cassandra” the voice of the Maester made her turn.

“It didn’t occure me that we ever spoke that much” she answered simply observing the man.

“What is troubling your mind?” the old man asked with his low voice.

Cassandra took a deep breath “The world is crazy, Maester.”

“And what can you do about that?” he asked making her frown “Is that your place to do something?” Cassandra observed him for some moment before answering.

“You’re a Targaryen, Maester” she said “You know the feeling of having a family that is making foolish decisions.”

“A Baratheon comparing herself to Targaryens” that made Cassandra glare at him.

“A Baratheon, comparing Targaryens to Lannisters” she corrected him “My brother has nothing of Baratheons, he took everything from my mother side. Even the foolishness.”

“You are a Keeper of Light, before a Baratheon and I’m a man of the Night’s Watch, before a Targaryen.” he said “Do not think too much of things you cannot change. You only being a princess, maybe you could have done something, but that is not your position. That is not your place.”

Cassie looked down, taking a breath. She never felt more useless in her entire life. That was the truth that she would have never spoken out loud.

“Is your mind bothered by Jon Snow’s well being?” at the Maester’s question, she looked up with wide eyes.

“I own Eddard Stark and his family many things” she said “I’d like to help.” that had nothing to do with Jon Snow.

The old man nodded his head “Such deep bond you share” he said as she frowned.

By the Gods, that man was too old to keep on to his duties. He was starting talking none sense. Cassie took a breath, finally realizing that that was her last day of confinentment in bad and that what she quickly said to the Maester. The man only took a breath, before letting her go, without sharing another word.

As she walked out in the yard, Cassie enjoyed the cool wind of the North against her skin, that moved her black hair. She had missed it.

“Princess!” Pyp’s voice made her look down towards the end of the stairs, where Jon’s friends and other girls were training.

“Such a good sight for this sore eyes” he said bowing and that stole a chuckle from her.

“The Gods keep mocking me” she said as she walked down “I’ve missed your nonesenses.” Pyp laughed as the boys did.

“It’s good to see you standing” Rose said putting an hand on her shoulder “Hydi was very worried.” she muttered, gesturing with her head where the little girl was standing.

Cassie took a breath “You can come here little girl.”

As she spoke, Hydi started to ran until her arms were around Cassie’s waist. She didn’t say anything, like her usual, she just clinged at her. Cassie observed the girl for a moment, before giving a squize to her shoulder.

“The Mathriarch was worried” said Wylliana with a serious tone “Nothing of that sort has ever happened.” Cassie listen carefully, as Hydi let go of her.

“It was like he had no coscience.” Cassie explained what she had already told to the Mathriarch “There was nothing for me to take, but...”

“But?” asked Wylliana.

“It was like something could have taken me.”

What happened had worried Cassie, the pain, the feeling of slipping away. She had never expirienced such thing, and she really didn’t want to face it again any sooner.

“Look at that!” Grenn laughed loud, looking towards the King’s Tower, where Jon Snow was walking out, with a longsword in hand.

“Well, come about, let’s have a look.” Pyp exclaimed.

“At what?” Jon said.

“The sword,” Grenn stated. “We want to see the sword.”

Jon seemed surprised by their reaction “You knew.”

Cassie frowned as she turned to Rose, that was looking at the boys with fondness in her eyes.

“What is it all about?”

Rose smiled “The Lord Commander had commissioned the carve of the stone of the pommel, and the boys helped.”

“That sword belongs to the Mormont by generations” explained Wylly. Cassie observed Jon as he unsheath the sword that shined under the pale sunlight.

“My, my...” Cassie said walking closer to the boys, making Jon look in her direction. An happy light shining in his grey eyes. “Valyrian Steel, Jon Snow. Not a common blade.”

“He needed a great reward after having burned down the Lord Commander’s Tower.” Pyp exclaimed with a grin.

“How are you feeling?” Jon asked as he walked towards Cassie, that shrugged.

“I’m standing” she stated before cocking her head to the side with a smile “You saved my life, Jon Snow. I own you this one.”

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g0ttal0ve101 · 2 years

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Oc’s 4th of July 😍🇺🇸

Thomas

Arsonist?? LOVES FIREWORKS??

He lights fireworks all day. Morning, afternoon, evening, night, ALL DAY.

Eats like two things then goes back to lighting more shit off.

DANGEROUS?? VERY??? TRIES TO GET LUCIAN TO HOLD A FIREWORK AS HE LIGHTS IT OFF TYPE SHIT????

He does leave for an hour or two to get in the pool with his besties…he bothers the shit out of anyone else in the pool by splashing his boyfriend constantly. (Get a room tbh 😪)

^ “EVELYN 😍” “kys.”

Thomas really hates the loud banging sound they make but tries to hide it the best he can. And by that, I mean he fails miserably. He jumps like eight feet every time one goes off then pulls the dumb: WOOOO!!! To act like he wasn’t scared.

Drinks v e r y heavily. Only increases risk for firework launching. 😍

Eventually hands the firework lighting off to someone else once it gets too dark because he wants to make out with his boyfriend haha 😼

^ Wait where did they go

Evelyn

Evelyn makes all the food, she gets the entire party ready, she gets the entertainment, but yet…she hates fireworks.

During the day, after she’s done getting everything ready and the party has started, she throws on that bikini and sunbathes in the pool for hours.

^ DOESN’T GET TAN?? DOESN’T GET BURNT?? VAMPIRE?!!!!!

^^ She looks like one of the typical ‘hot girls’ from a movie. 💀 Her expensive and cute bikini, her expensive ahh sunglasses, the pool floatie she’s on, EVERYTHING IS ON POINT. 😭

She gets kicked out of the pool by obnoxious children splashing around. *cough cough* Charlie, Thomas, Freddy, Lulu, and Max.

Drinks nothing but water and eats none of the unhealthy food. She wants to stay ✨skinny✨

When it gets dark out, she runs and tries to hide away from the party, only for Scarlet to bring her back to watch fireworks.

SCREECHES at the banging sound. 😭

^ Will only light one firework. And that is sparklers. 😍🤞

Scarlet

Sleeps throughout all the preparation.

Only wakes up at the first big firework. So like, nine o’clock.

Thinks they’re getting bombed.

Remembers it’s the Fourth of July.

Happily rushes to go watch the fireworks and drags everyone along she can find.

Passes out during the fireworks.

Sam

Sam mostly stays for the little fireworks during the day. Sparklers, pop-its, fountains, tanks, parachutes, etc. He likes the more gentle and pretty ones rather than the huge ones.

He helps the best he can to get the party ready with Evelyn. However, he usually ends up crying because he feels like he messed everything up. 😭

Doesn’t go swimming…he’s too nervous about his bathing suit…plus those idiots are in there too.

Comforts all the animals that might be scared inside as it gets dark and the bigger ones get lit.

LIVES for strawberry ice-cream.

“Th-This represents my hatred toward Thomas.” *LIGHTS THE BIGGEST AND LOUDEST FIREWORK HE COULD FIND*

Paints red, white, and blue designs on his friend’s faces. Hearts, polka dots, the flag, you name it.

^ Drew a very…inappropriate picture on Thomas’s face and said it was a heart.

^ He got in trouble. 😕

Lucian

LOVES fireworks of course, but loves FOOD MORE.

DEVOURS EVERYTHING EVELYN MAKES. HAMBURGERS? DEVOURED. RIBS? DEVOURED. HOT DOGS? DEVOURED. MACARONI AND CHEESE? DEVOURED. WATERMELON? DEVOURED. VEGETABLES? DEVOURED. ICE-CREAM? DEVOURED. ANYTHING ELSE? DEVOURED.

^ Needless to say, he was pretty sleepy once the fireworks began.

Woah, but I’m getting ahead of myself here!! Before he was allowed to eat, Lucian actually GOT HIS BATHING SUIT ON and went into the pool! Needless to say, everyone was very impressed, but didn’t say a word about it.

Lucian and Max played together in the pool before getting out because a certain group of people started trying to drown them by putting rafts over where they were underwater. Yeah.

Bites his ice-cream so much it’s unbelievable. That scared Max beyond belief.

SPARKLERS. If this boy loves anything, it’s sparklers. But…for some reason…he grew a little bit ✨mischievous✨ and bURNT FREDDY OUT OF NOWHERE.

^ Got in trouble. 😕

Whenever it gets dark, Lucian LOVES watching the huge fireworks. The sound they make, the smell they give, the patterns in the sky, he loves all of it. He lights a few off with Thomas’s help.

However, because of all the food he ate, he ends up falling asleep on a bench.

Max

Desperately sticking to Lucian’s side in order to survive this ordeal.

^ He’s terrified of Lucian as well.

Tries to help Evelyn cook but ends up ruining everything because he’s clumsy. Oh, but Sam thinks it was his fault instead and runs off crying. That doesn’t make Max feel too good. 💀

Whenever Lucian decided to take a dip in the pool, he immediately got excited and threw on his swimming suit on!! Too bad he forgot how many scars and wounds were on his body…HE LOOKED LIKE HE FOUGHT IN THE WAR OF INDEPENDENCE 💀😭

Actually becomes much closer to Lucian when they’re in the pool, because they both are still childish and like to play games! Too bad the other boys kept trying to DROWN THEM-so they both got out early.

^ Reason of getting drowned:

“Why are fireworks so cool?”

“Why?”

“Cause they’re lit!!”

“AAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH-”

Max lives for the watermelon. He devours that shit.

When the big fireworks come out to play, Max thinks to himself, ‘I want to light one of those off!’ So, with the help of Thomas, he gets a lighter and begins trying to light it. Thomas instructs him what to do - Don’t have your face over the firework’s opening, don’t have your hair in the way, light it, then run as fast as you can back to the tables and chairs everyone sat at. Max found this pretty easy. He lifted his face away from the firework opening, tucked any stray hairs behind his ear, correctly lit the firework, then quickly exited…BUT ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED THE FIREWORK OVER AND AIMED IT STRAIGHT AT WHERE EVERYONE IS SITTING. IT STARTS BLOWING OFF. EVERYONE IS SCREAMING AND RUNNING, THE EXPLOSIONS ARE JUST BARELY HITTING PEOPLE, IT STARTS A MINI FIRE ON THE TABLE CLOTH, IT HITS POOR SAM-

^ Max was not allowed to light fireworks after that.

#happy 4th of July!!#oc: lucian williams #oc: thomas hall #oc: sam vega #oc: evelyn anderson #oc: scarlet ophelia #oc: maximilian colin

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ashtrayfloors · 2 years

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Life has been kinda rough, lately. Things were hard last week, got better for a few days, then Sunday everything went to shit, again. Long story short: I injured myself, was in intense physical pain for several days, got so stressed out about feeling like shit/not being able to get as much done as I wanted to that the stress caused further physical issues, which in turn made me more stressed…ugh.

I haven’t been sleeping well. I lay awake listening to the freight trains—which are so loud that sometimes they sound like they’re running right through our backyard—and wishing I were on one of them. When I do sleep, I have fucked-up dreams. Elephants with half their skulls missing, piles of maggots, talking cats. Old friends getting deathly ill and not telling me.

Despite all that, I managed to finish my chapbook manuscript and get it in to the publisher, and to finish the editing/proofreading and graphic design jobs I was doing for $$. I worked from bed as much as possible, but I worked. I’m really excited about the chapbook, like I think it is really really good, and that’s kinda huge cuz normally when I finish a project I’ve been working on for a while my first instinct is to burn it and throw the ashes into a dumpster. And I got paid for the big editing/proofreading job this morning, and it is such a relief to actually be able to put a little bit of money in my fucking savings account again.

I’m working on a radio show (podcast) to go along with the chapbook, sort of an audio annotation or ‘liner notes’ if you will. It has made me realize how fucking much I missed being a DJ, whether live on air or in a pre-recorded podcast format, and now I’m thinking I might actually start up a regular podcast again. Maybe start out every other month, so I don’t get burnt out or have it become yet another thing I’m stressed about.

I did have one weird-but-good dream the night before last: I dreamt I met Tommy Stinson and we started a ska band together. Yeah, IDK either. Probably just because I’ve had the ‘Mats on the brain, and I’ve been listening to a lot of ska lately, too. But at least it was a fun dream, and not a creepy or scary one, for once.

I have a crush. I think it’s mutual. Nothing overt has been said by either one of us, but I can generally tell. Fortunately, they live far away and I doubt we’ll ever meet IRL, so I can keep this crush safely in the realm of fantasy.

Sometimes I think about old friends and lovers, people I’m not in frequent (or any) contact with, and think: “They could be ill, or otherwise in trouble, or even dead, and I’d never know.” Both things have happened to me before—old friends being seriously ill or otherwise in trouble and not telling me until months or years later, and finding out that people I hadn’t spoken to in months or years had, in fact, died. Since that dream about one of my best/longest-known friends being sick and not telling me, I felt the need to let certain friends know that they’re on my mind, and I’ve been reaching out.

There are small good things, as always: iced coffee, music, finally working on finishing up RC 26 now that the chapbook and dayjob stuff has calmed down. And on Tuesday, P. and I are taking the kiddos on a day trip. We’re gonna drive to a town about an hour and a half away to have lunch at a burger joint we’ve heard great things about, then hit a state park on the way home.

#ashtrayfloors #dear livejournal #injury #stress #disability #work #dreams #crushes #old friends #small good things

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keefwho · 2 years

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September 15 - 2022

8:33 AM

Last night I woke up at 1:30am because I had to use the bathroom and it huuuurt. This particular thing has happened before and it is rare. First stomach cramps slowly get worse and wake me up. It sucks because I’m half asleep for awhile wondering wtf is going on until I’m finally conscious enough to realize it’s just my stomach acting up. I usually shake like I have chills until it’s over too. Its weird because there isn’t anything particularly remarkable about what actually happens in the bathroom. Eventually I feel better and go back to sleep. Its just annoying this happens sometimes.

Other than that, this morning I’m caught in that ‘dreaful’ mindset again. Its hard to believe today will be just fine, for no reason. I’m finding it hard to simply not think about it today.

11:27 AM

So what I’m trying to do today is accept I’m okay (basically what I try to do every day). The difference being, because last night/this morning have been kinda blech, I feel like the rest of the day should be to. But in the past I would have days like this and I would feel relieved when it was over and accept that the rest of the day was good to go. I’m pretty sure thats whats happening now. I had my slightly bad time, now things should be normal and okay. Nothing to fret about. I feel like I’m almost there thanks to being able to defuse from the thoughts that worry me by catching them and then ignoring them.

1:27 PM

I’ve been having trouble with my art mentality. I try to avoid using things like multiply or other effect layers because I see them as lazy and detrimental to my growth. But they do offer speed so I think I should start using them more in my commissions for the sake of saving time. Outside of that I can continue to learn and practice color so I won’t need to use effects as much.

It just sucks to think I’m doing a good job on a picture and then I find I have to fix the whole thing with color correction. It all comes down to not planning my colors as much as I should but I literally don’t have the time to when I’m being paid for it. I feel like I just throw things together and hope for the best for every commission I get. Sometimes they turn out fantastic, sometimes I’m ashamed to present them knowing I simply can’t afford to redo the entire thing.

On top of that, I’m constantly stressing out about how much I want to do/promised I’d do for my friends because I always want to save energy for the daily dreaded commissions so I try not to work on anything personal until the weekend unless I REALLY want to. I don’t want to spend all that effort just to get too burnt out to do comms and get giga stressed.

5:01 PM

God damnit, another thing to worry about. I asked my parents if I could moved stuff around where they put garbage so I could put mine there too. They said yes so I did it and decided to clean up more, including vacuuming. I use an old vacuum for breezeway stuff and it always stinks, the filter is packed full usually. Halfway through it started just SPEWING visible dust out the exhaust but I just kept going since the breezeway is half outside anyways. Then I thought “I wouldn’t dare lick this carpet without fear of getting sick from it, but I’m literally spewing everything on it into the air.” So I stopped and now I’m worried I could get sick from the dust I was kicking up. I’ve vacuuming out there multiple times with that disgusting thing but this time the dust was visible. I hope I’m just overreacting. I’m sure I’ll calm down in a little bit but I won’t really know I’m in the clear for a few entire days. I know most people wouldn’t be worrying about this so I guess I shouldn’t either. Its just unknown territory.

I was doing so well too. I’m upset.

All I can do is keep practicing the idea of not thinking about it. Googling it says vacuums could lead to problems with people with allergies or compromised immune systems but I’m hoping this single study I’ve been able to find is being reported a lot worse than it actually is.

Also when I think about it, some people live/operate in worse conditions. This only seems like a big deal because I don’t really have any scope. This is probably nothing.

6:04 PM

Something interesting happened inside of me. While I was panicking about that fucking dust, it felt like the part of me that didn’t want to worry about it was about as big as the half that did want to worry. If I had to put these obscure feelings into some kind of concept, its like a new version of myself manifested months ago and has been trying to take control by fighting the old me. It feels like I keep getting tired and failing because the new me is so smol and new, but it’ll keep growing.

It sounds cringe but I don’t know how else to put it.

6:32 PM

Because my problem tends to be losing track of the ideas I’m studying, I’m going to try to re-define them to myself and then do some of the exercises.

Defusion

I have 2 kinds of thoughts. Conscious thoughts that I choose to have any given moment, and automatic thoughts generated from my survivalistic experience. Defusion is the idea that you avoid “fusing” with automatic thoughts. They are often illogical and unhelpful. I like to imagine whoever is coming up with them is some little guy stuck inside my head with no ability to source information. Therefore he just makes stuff up to support his argument. The automatic “information” provided to me is seldom helpful. I can’t make the thoughts go away but I can choose how much I listen to them.

Self

Having a true sense of self means understanding that I as a person am the conscious being behind my eyes right now. Most if not everyone at some point completely identifies with their past experiences as who they are. They become characters to play rather than people to live. I’m definitely guilty of that. The goal is to learn about the character I’ve subconsciously chosen to become and stop identifying with it unless I consciously want to.

Acceptance

Acceptance is about being okay with how things are in this moment and in the past. I’m having a hard time truly understanding this idea. I’m supposed to be okay with not only feeling good, but feeling bad too. It makes sense but something inside me screams how bad of an idea it is. It’s like I’m willingly submitting to suffering. Im sure understanding will come in time if I keep working on it. What I do understand is avoiding pain leads to avoiding positive feelings too, in the sense that feeling too good can only lead you back down. Or how actively trying to avoid something like a hot stove can cause you to be reminding of it when you feel something cool. Sort of like how feeling too good reminds me of how scared I am to feel sick.

Presence

I need to work on this one too. Presence refers to living in the here and now rather than ruminating about the past and future. In my own way, the idea is about focusing on what you can do right now rather than on what you cannot immediately change. It seems to be about expanding your ability to focus and saving processing power basically.

I just re-read the values chapter and I will do it’s first exercise but first I’ll do 1 exercise for each of the other pivots.

1. The 3rd defusion exercise is about actively listening to my automatic thoughts and accepting the suggestion. Like I’ve asked my mind to spitball ideas, I don’t have to take them seriously. But I shouldn’t be dismissive, arguing only makes it worse. I should take the ideas like they’re from a friend trying to give honest advice, because they basically are. Most of it is my brain trying to protect me. For the sake of documenting it and helping put words to my thoughts, I’ll try to write some of them down like I’m asking for ideas.

“That dust earlier might be a problem. Maybe you should google it more or try to evaluate it based on what you know about basic physics. Maybe you could conclude whether or not you’re actually in danger.”

“Maybe you should try to evaluate everything that could go wrong in a situation beforehand. If you’d thought long enough, maybe you’d have realized a vacuum could have kicked up a lot of dust you’d be inhaling.”

“Maybe put more time into thinking of ways you could avoid getting sick altogether. Imagine the perfect scenario: You’re holed up in your own home where no one else is allowed to enter. All packages are disinfected beforehand. You only buy low risk food to cook. Wouldn’t that be nice and safe?”

These are feelings I end up having if I let myself feel them. These aren’t thoughts I want to have really. And I can choose to take them seriously or not. Right now they are just ideas that have been given to me and I can deny them if I want. None of these seem like the person I want to become would do.

2. The 3rd acceptance exercise is about being more openly myself with another person. I kinda had something like planned already. I was going to open up to one of my friends in VR about the experience I had today and how it affected the things I promised to do for him. It’s a little scary because I don’t think I’ve gone into detail with him about my anxiety. Most people don’t get it because it is actually a silly problem. I don’t expect people to truly understand, I just want them to accept that it’s a real problem I’m dealing with instead of dismissing it.

3. The 3rd acceptance exercise is about thinking of a difficult experience and responding to some questions about it.

(I’m going to do this later, it seems like it’ll take awhile and I can’t think of a good low difficulty scenario right now)

4. The 2nd presence exercise instructed me to focus on the sole of my left foot for 2 minutes, then right, then both at the same time. I was meant to keep drawing my mind back to this subject if it started to wander. So I did that. It’s explained this helps interrupt automatic thoughts so it can help, say, people with anger problems from having an aggressive outburst if they catch themselves and do this exercise. It’s probably something I could have used earlier.

5. The values exercise has me write for 10 minutes about a subject I care about while answering some questions about it.

(I’ll do this one later tonight too because I really want to get on VRchat to do my acceptance exercise.)

10:35 PM

Im so WEIRD DUDE HOLY I fucked up 2 important interactions today, but I honestly wasn’t prepared for either of them and I knew that. I probably shouldn’t look at it like “I fucked up” though. Realistically they just didn’t go as perfectly as I’d hoped but nothing ever does. Im not that beat up about it, it just SUCKS and I’m in that “why did I even do that” phase. CRINGE

#journal #diary

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itsyourchoicedevotionals · 2 years

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One And Done

“When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for them to be purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each… thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom.” Job 1:5NIV

Job was supposedly the first book written in the Bible, written about the time of Enoch, see Genesis 5:22. Before Genesis was written by Moses, as God showed him His goodness, “…I will cause all My goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim My name, the LORD, in your presence…” Exodus 33:19NIV.

Having learned the need for sacrifice from Adam, everyone whose hearts followed after Jehovah God performed animal sacrifices to cover their sins. Job for the sins of his family.

Job 1:8-9CEV “Then the LORD asked, "What do you think of My servant Job? No one on earth is like him--he is a truly good person, who respects Me and refuses to do evil.” “Why shouldn't he respect You?" Satan remarked.” Most people wonder, including myself: — why was satan even in heaven wasn’t he displaced because sin was found in him? — why did God bring Job up to satan, was He setting up Job for trouble?

Being arrogant and filled with pride— satan continued the conversation. V10 “Have You not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land.” Put this into today’s vernacular, satan was saying— ‘if You didn’t totally protect him, he’d choose me and my ways instead of You. He’s not dumb, but knows which side his bread is buttered on.’

Rather than following this discourse— let’s look at what the blood of sacrificed sheep and goats had gained for Job. There’s a translation which follows more closely the original language this scripture was written in— Aramaic Bible In Plain English translates V10— “You rested Your hand upon him and upon his house and upon his sons and upon everything that he has in every place, and You have blessed the work of his hands, and his property has increased in the land.”

There’s five distinct areas walled with protection by Almighty God. Note: this came from the continual sacrifices of animals and honoring God first, nothing to do with our covenant made upon Jesus’ blood. — Himself — His wife (house) — His children — His possessions — His land and the increase of the land, from his work.

One and done was the sacrifice Christ Jesus made for us. Hebrews 9:24-26, 28NIV “ For Christ has not entered the holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us; not that He should offer Himself often, as the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year with blood of another— He then would have had to suffer often since the foundation of the world; but now, once at the end of the ages, He has appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself. …so Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many. To those who eagerly wait for Him…” Matthew 26:28NLT “For this is My blood, which confirms the covenant between God and His people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.”

You and I are recipients of Christ’s sacrifice. Everything Job gained by continual sacrifices belongs to us in the blood covenant through Jesus. Will we appropriate our blood covenant through prayer, praise and pleading the blood? It’s your choice. You choose.

LET’S PRAY: Sovereign God thank You for this blood covenant. Help us appropriate Jesus’ blood correctly in our lives, in the name of Jesus Christ I pray.

#Jesus Christ #lord of lords #Word of God #Holy Spirit #God #it's your choice #devotional #one and done #sacrifice #blood #arrogant #suffer #hedge #love #hope #faith

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dfroza · 2 years

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“Each person has his or her own burden to bear and story to write.”

every heart on earth is being written into a book that documents life in a body.

[seeds]

and here we’re forced to age, but we’re not forced to go to Heaven

it must be a choice freely made.

writing to point to this is the significance of the heart.

do you “believe…” in a heavenly Library?

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 6th and closing chapter of the book of Galatians:

My spiritual brothers and sisters, if one of our faithful has fallen into a trap and is snared by sin, don’t stand idle and watch his demise. Gently restore him, being careful not to step into your own snare. Shoulder each other’s burdens, and then you will live as the law of the Anointed teaches us. Don’t take this opportunity to think you are better than those who slip because you aren’t; then you become the fool and deceive even yourself. Examine your own works so that if you are proud, it will be because of your own accomplishments and not someone else’s. Each person has his or her own burden to bear and story to write.

Remember to share what you have with your mentor in the Word.

Make no mistake: God can’t be mocked. What you give is what you get. What you sow, you harvest. Those who sow seeds into their flesh will only harvest destruction from their sinful nature. But those who sow seeds into the Spirit shall harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. May we never tire of doing what is good and right before our Lord because in His season we shall bring in a great harvest if we can just persist. So seize any opportunity the Lord gives you to do good things and be a blessing to everyone, especially those within our faithful family.

Look at how giant these letters are now that I am writing with my own hand!

The troublemakers who are putting pressure on you to be circumcised are trying to impress the flesh. They want to avoid the persecution that comes from preaching the cross of the Anointed One, the Liberating King. But even those who receive circumcision can’t keep the law—although they think they can—and they hope to influence which way you go with your own skin so they can have bragging rights over your flesh.

May I never put anything above the cross of our Lord Jesus the Anointed. Through Him, the world has been crucified to me and I to this world. Let me be clear: circumcision won’t save you—uncircumcision won’t either for that matter—for both amount to nothing. God’s new creation is what counts, and it counts for everything. May peace and mercy come to all of you who live by this rule and to the Israel of God.

In the future, don’t let anyone cause trouble for me because I bear in my body the marks that wounded Jesus.

May the grace of our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, infuse your spirit with His, brothers and sisters. Amen.

The Letter of Galatians, Chapter 6 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 30th chapter of the book of Exodus giving further instructions for the priestly service:

[The Altar of Incense]

“Make an Altar for burning incense. Construct it from acacia wood, one and one-half feet square and three feet high with its horns of one piece with it. Cover it with a veneer of pure gold, its top, sides, and horns, and make a gold molding around it with two rings of gold beneath the molding. Place the rings on the two opposing sides to serve as holders for poles by which it will be carried. Make the poles of acacia wood and cover them with a veneer of gold.

“Place the Altar in front of the curtain that hides the Chest of The Testimony, in front of the Atonement-Cover that is over The Testimony where I will meet you. Aaron will burn fragrant incense on it every morning when he polishes the lamps, and again in the evening as he prepares the lamps for lighting, so that there will always be incense burning before God, generation after generation. But don’t burn on this Altar any unholy incense or Whole-Burnt-Offering or Grain-Offering. And don’t pour out Drink-Offerings on it. Once a year Aaron is to purify the Altar horns. Using the blood of the Absolution-Offering of atonement, he is to make this atonement every year down through the generations. It is most holy to God.”

[The Atonement-Tax]

God spoke to Moses: “When you take a head count of the Israelites to keep track of them, all must pay an atonement-tax to God for their life at the time of being registered so that nothing bad will happen because of the registration. Everyone who gets counted is to give a half-shekel (using the standard Sanctuary shekel of a fifth of an ounce to the shekel)—a half-shekel offering to God. Everyone counted, age twenty and up, is to make the offering to God. The rich are not to pay more nor the poor less than the half-shekel offering to God, the atonement-tax for your lives. Take the atonement-tax money from the Israelites and put it to the maintenance of the Tent of Meeting. It will be a memorial fund for the Israelites in honor of God, making atonement for your lives.”

[The Washbasin]

God spoke to Moses: “Make a bronze Washbasin; make it with a bronze base. Place it between the Tent of Meeting and the Altar. Put water in it. Aaron and his sons will wash their hands and feet in it. When they enter the Tent of Meeting or approach the Altar to serve there or offer gift offerings to God, they are to wash so they will not die. They are to wash their hands and their feet so they will not die. This is the rule forever, for Aaron and his sons down through the generations.”

[Holy Anointing Oil]

God spoke to Moses: “Take the best spices: twelve and a half pounds of liquid myrrh; half that much, six and a quarter pounds, of fragrant cinnamon; six and a quarter pounds of fragrant cane; twelve and a half pounds of cassia—using the standard Sanctuary weight for all of them—and a gallon of olive oil. Make these into a holy anointing oil, a perfumer’s skillful blend.

“Use it to anoint the Tent of Meeting, the Chest of The Testimony, the Table and all its utensils, the Lampstand and its utensils, the Altar of Incense, the Altar of Whole-Burnt-Offerings and all its utensils, and the Washbasin and its base. Dedicate them so they’ll be soaked in holiness, so that anyone who so much as touches them will become holy.

“Then anoint Aaron and his sons. Consecrate them as priests to me. Tell the Israelites, ‘This will be my holy anointing oil throughout your generations.’ Don’t pour it on ordinary men. Don’t copy this mixture to use for yourselves. It’s holy; keep it holy. Whoever mixes up anything like it, or puts it on an ordinary person, will be exiled.”

[Holy Incense]

God spoke to Moses: “Take fragrant spices—gum resin, onycha, galbanum—and add pure frankincense. Mix the spices in equal proportions to make an aromatic incense, the art of a perfumer, salted and pure—holy. Now crush some of it into powder and place some of it before The Testimony in the Tent of Meeting where I will meet with you; it will be for you the holiest of holy places. When you make this incense, you are not to copy the mixture for your own use. It’s holy to God; keep it that way. Whoever copies it for personal use will be excommunicated.”

The Book of Exodus, Chapter 30 (The Message)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Wednesday, may 4 of 2022 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about Israel and the Church that began with Jews:

After the Jewish people had suffered for nearly 2,000 years of exile as clearly foretold by Moses (see Lev. 26:38, 44; Deut. 28:64-64) and the other Hebrew prophets (Isa. 43:5-6; Jer. 30:11; Joel 3:2; Ezek. 36:8-10; Hos. 9:1-10, etc.), Israel was miraculously reborn as a nation in their ancient homeland on May 14, 1948 (Iyyar 5, 5708). Today Jews across the world celebrate Iyyar 5 as Israeli Independence Day (this year we observe it earlier to so it will not fall on the Sabbath).

Israel’s Independence Day is called Yom Ha'atzma'ut (יום העצמאות), the “day of independence.” In Hebrew, the word independence (atzma’ut) comes from atzmi - “my bones” (i.e., etzem: עֶצֶם), so the name itself alludes to God’s glorious promise to revive the “dry bones” (עֲצָמוֹת) of Israel by bringing the Jewish people back from their long exile during the End of Days (Ezek. 37:1-6). “Son of man, can these bones live?”

But why should Christians care about ethnic Israel? After all, many Christian denominations advocate some version of “Replacement Theology” and regard the promises God made to the Jewish people as being "transferred" to the church... The existence of the modern State of Israel therefore evokes little thanks to God from these groups, and some of their ranks even regard Israel’s revived presence on the world stage as an embarrassment to their typically “liberal” theology. Hence we see the (remarkably bad) phenomena of so-called “Christian” church denominations that express anti-Israel sentiment, even asking their followers to divest investments in Israel on behalf of the “Palestinians,” etc.

The title "Christ" refers to the anointed King of Israel, the Mashiach (מָשִׁיחַ)... To say "Jesus Christ" is therefore to affirm that Yeshua is none other than the Messiah, the rightful King of Israel (מֶלֶךְ יִשְׂרָאֵל). Followers of Jesus, the One born "King of the Jews" (Matt. 2:2), should therefore care deeply about Israel because the existence of Jewish people - and of the nation of Israel in particular - demonstrates that the LORD (יהוה) is completely faithful to the covenant promises He made to our patriarchs (e.g., Gen. 15:9-21). Indeed, the Scriptures teach that the Name of God is forever designated as אלהי אברהם אלהי יצחק ואלהי יעקב - "the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob" (Exod. 3:15), just as it is also the “LORD God of Israel” (יְהוָה אֱלהֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל). The perpetuity of the Jewish people - despite so much satanic hatred over the millennia - is an awesome testimony of God’s loyal love (Jer. 31:35-37). עַם יִשְׂרָאֵל חַי / am Yisrael chai: "The people of Israel live!" Israel is a sign of the “sure mercies of David” (חַסְדֵי דָוִד הַנֶּאֱמָנִים) that are revealed in Yeshua, the Jewish Messiah (Isa. 55:1-6). Moreover, the New Covenant itself, as foretold by the prophet Jeremiah, explicitly promises the perpetuity of the Jewish people throughout the ages:

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"Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD (יהוה), when I will make a new covenant (בְּרִית חֲדָשָׁה) with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD. But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my Torah (תּוֹרָה) within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."

Thus says the LORD, who gives the sun for light by day and the fixed order of the moon and the stars for light by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar - the LORD of hosts is his Name: “If this fixed order departs from before me, declares the LORD, then shall the offspring of Israel (זֶרַע יִשְׂרָאֵל) cease from being a nation before me forever.” Thus says the LORD: “If the heavens above can be measured, and the foundations of the earth below can be explored, then I will cast off all the offspring of Israel for all that they have done, declares the LORD." (Jer. 31:31-37)

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According to this theologically critical passage, if you saw the sun shine today or the stars in the night sky, you can be assured that God’s promise to preserve the “offspring of Israel” -- (i.e., zera Yisrael: זֶרַע יִשְׂרָאֵל) -- is in effect. Indeed, in the world to come, heavenly Jerusalem will have the names of the twelve tribes of Israel engraved upon its gates (Rev. 21:12). Note well that this is the only occurrence in the entire Tanakh (i.e., “Old Testament”) that the New Covenant (בְּרִית חֲדָשָׁה) is explicitly mentioned... It is a foundational passage of Scripture for those who claim to be followers of the Jewish Messiah.

The spiritual blessings Christians enjoy come from the root of God's covenants with Israel... Yeshua our Savior was born the King of the Jews, and he plainly said הַיְשׁוּעָה מֵאֵת הַיְּהוּדִים הִיא- “salvation is from the Jews” (Matt. 2:2; 27:11; John 4:22). The Apostle Paul clearly warned those who think the church has "replaced" Israel: "Remember it is not you who support the root, but the root that supports you" (Rom. 11:18). This doctrine is so foundational that it may be rightly said that how you think about Israel will affect every other area of your theology. Indeed, the nation of Israel is God's "super sign" that He is faithful to His covenant promises (Jer. 31:35-37). Celebrating Israel's existence acknowledges God's loyal love for us all! For more on this subject, see the article, “Is Christianity Anti-Jewish?” on the H4C website.

In the Torah we read how God said to Moses, "Say this to the people of Israel, 'The LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob (אלהי אברהם אלהי יצחק ואלהי יעקב), has sent me to you.' This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations'" (Exod. 3:15). Amen, “Your Name, O LORD, endures forever, your renown, O LORD, throughout all ages” (Psalm 135:13). Therefore the prophet cries: "in the east give glory to the LORD; in the coastlands of the sea, give glory to the Name of the LORD, the God of Israel" (Isa. 24:15). [Hebrew for Christians]

5.2.22 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

May 4, 2022

Forsake and Follow

“Fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men. And when they had brought their ships to land, they forsook all, and followed him.” (Luke 5:10-11)

Perhaps we take too lightly the fact that the disciples “forsook all, and followed him.” This action involved at least two aspects, the leaving of their former life and the realignment of their loyalty.

The word “forsook” is used in a variety of extreme situations, including the “putting away” of a spouse (1 Corinthians 7:11-12; also “leave,” v. 13), and even death. “Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up [same word] the ghost” (Matthew 27:50). This leaving implies a complete severing of a situation or relationship.

Furthermore, they forsook all. For Peter, James, John, and Andrew, this involved leaving a prosperous business; for Matthew, a prestigious position of wealth; i.e., their careers. Certainly each left their livelihood, security, training, possessions, relationships, hopes—everything! “Whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:33).

Next, the disciples needed to restructure their lives and loyalties to those of Christ. The word “follow” implies a unity of purpose and direction. Jesus told the rich young ruler to give up all vestiges of his materialistic life “and come, take up the cross, and follow me” (Mark 10:21).

Christ issues the same call to discipleship to each of us. Peter asked Him the question that we frequently ask. “Behold, we have forsaken all, and followed thee; what shall we have therefore?” (Matthew 19:27). Christ answered, “Every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life” (v. 29). JDM

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brothebro · 2 years

Text

(T, platonic geraskier, post s2, mention of alcohol, post torture)

There's something off about the bard.

Fuck. Friend. There's something off about his friend. Geralt has promised himself to stop this godsdamnit! This⁠— this passive apathetic behaviour.

The point still stands; Jaskier has been acting strange and Geralt can't exactly place why that is.

It's the way his friend seems to be unpresent when he's right there talking about everything and nothing. It's the way his heart seems to be racing and his breathing hitching in random intervals. It's the way he shies away, stays in the back of the room, in the freezing cold, always cradling a bottle of alcohol in his hands.

Geralt is beyond concerned. He's worried.

He doesn't understand what caused this change in the jolly, thoughtless man he knew for over twenty years. And sure, Jaskier still talks and talks and talks but he doesn't speak.

"What happened to him?" He asks Yen one day in the privacy of their shared room.

"You'll have to be more specific, Geralt," she rolls her eyes and he clicks his tongue. "Fine, fine… I already told you, he ran into some trouble in Oxenfurt."

"Hmmm."

He knows that's not it. He knows because he saved Jaskier from prison where Geralt knows he'd been put after peeking through a window in a brothel. It's not⁠— it can't be that.

Unless…

Unless something else happened to him in Oxenfurt since they'd split up on the mountain.

"I see the gears are clicking together," Yennefer notes, lifting the thick covers of their bed and scuttling inside their warmth. "Goodnight, Geralt."

"I have to talk to him."

"Finally," he hears her muttering under her breath. "Just, don't wake me up when you return, yeah?"

He hums noncommittally in response and heads to Jaskier's room.

There he finds him asleep, curled around a bottle of Vodka ⁠— Lambert's brew (where did he get this?) ⁠— eyebrows drawn together and breathing irregularly.

His friend is having a nightmare and Geralt will have none of this, ever again, if he can help it. Gently, he shakes Jaskier awake, the bard muffling a scream in the sleeve of his chemise as he regains consciousness.

"Fuck, Geralt," he says, hands trembling ⁠— when did his fingers get burnt? ⁠— and tears pooling in his eyes.

"It's alright," Geralt says softly, "you were having a nightmare."

"Is it morning⁠— oh, it is definitely not morning yet. What are you doing here, Geralt?"

"I⁠—" he frowns, the words catching on his throat. "Fuck." He tries again, "I am worried about you. Have been for some time."

A mirthless chuckle escapes the bard's lips. "Worried, he says. Since when⁠ do you—"

"Jaskier," Geralt cuts him off. He frowns. "When Yen told me you ran into some trouble in Oxenfurt, I⁠— fuck! What I'm trying to say is that I know there's more to it. You weren't in jail for "peeping", were you? What happened?"

"Oh, I was very much in for peeping, Geralt but that's not, uh, the way you think—fuck it," he takes a deep breath, gaze fixed onto his trembling burnt fingers, "Yennefer saved me, you know. Magicless and as human as it gets she," ⁠— he chokes on the words, heart beating fiercely inside his chest⁠— "I was being tortured," he admits and his voice is so small, so weak it hurts Geralt's heart, "for- for information about, well, about you and Ciri. But- But! It's fine, I swear I didn't give anything away, I swear, even if he'd burned me to a crisp I wouldn't have given anything away. I swear⁠—"

Slowly, as not to startle him, Geralt wraps Jaskier in an embrace. His friend cries against the witcher's night-shirt, tears staining it and shoulders shaking and Geralt hums little reassurances that it's fine, that he's here, that he'll never let anyone hurt Jaskier like that again.

He whispers he's sorry for leaving, for not coming back sooner.

Because that's what friends do.

They come back.

#the witcher #jaskier #geraskier #geralt #geralt of rivia #the witcher fanfiction #bro writes fic #the witcher season two #twn s2 #twn season 2 #twn spoilers #the witcher netflix #the witcher Netflix spoilers #cw alcohol

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twistedmusings · 3 years

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How the dorm leaders react when they catch you kissing someone from their dorm [Part 2]

A/N: AND HERE IT IS! Oh my god I still can't believe I managed to get this done! I actually stayed on task! Honestly these three were probably my favourite from the original post, I've had far too much fun writing these bois.

And what can I say? Playfully flirty MC is a good MC u wu

Warnings: Heavy smooching, possessive talk, and the reader just really pushing the dorm leader's buttons~

Part 1 here!

“How dare you...?”

Vil was more than happy to be coming back to Pomefiore with all the stuff that had happened today. Classes were more annoying than usual, he had to chase Leona down to tell him to get his work done and there had been some problems in the modeling studio that caused the lights to be brighter than usual and now he had a headache that only a nap could fix.

Thing was, if he wanted to keep his schedule as tight as possible he would need to stay awake for...another 6 hours.

One good thing was waiting for him though. Rook had greeted him at the entrance and let him know that the Ramshackle prefect was in the dorm today as per his request.

Good.

This would keep him awake. He remembers promising you a lesson in proper skincare in order to remedy whatever you did once you woke up in the morning. Deep in the back of his head he remembers you telling him that you just splash cold water on your face but he preferred to think that you at least put some sort of moisturizer. Maybe.

He rushes to his room to freshen up and makes sure that he has the materials he needs. Vil had decided that his own brand of face cleansing products would be a good start for your skin. The tingles in his fingertips went ignored as he thought of you thinking about him in the morning. It wasn’t that sort of thing at all, he reminded himself. Dorm leaders were supposed to help each other out, despite how often they were at each other’s throats, and he was just fulfilling his role not just as a dorm leader but as a...friend.

Vil takes one last look at the mirror and makes his way down the row of rooms in Pomefiore to reach the Lounge, only to stop when he sees you being pulled into one of the many rooms by what was clearly a Pomefiore’s students hand.

Wait what?

It’s almost alarming how quickly he approaches the door and puts his foot in it, choosing to stay quiet as he sees that the two people in the room didn’t even bother to wonder why the door hadn’t closed all the way. The student was pressing kisses against your lips in small intervals, choosing instead to talk as you run your hands up the expensive purple robe and taking in the little designs.

“I had a new lip scrub I wanted you to try out.”

“Really? Then why aren’t we in the bathroom?"

“That’s rather forward for a dorm leader. Is everyone in Ramshackle this daring?”

Vil couldn’t even pinpoint the student’s name. That was your first offense. The only thing he remembers about him is the man’s caramel brown hair and how it contrasted beautifully against his dark skin. After that, nothing could pop into his head that would make that student even remotely interesting for you to be hanging off of him like that! Of all the people to be with, it just had to be a nameless potato, didn’t it?

The hairs at the back of his head stand up as the potato hands you what he believes to be the best lip scrub in the business, which only makes the alarms in Vil’s head go off even louder. That brand wasn’t even known for doing lip scrubs! In fact, they once put out a three in one shampoo/conditioner and the fact that the student even had that brand in the dorms and you just blatantly accepting it was your second offense.

And as much as he wanted to focus on that being the thing that truly bothered him, he felt the alarms deafening him as he saw the potato’s hands wrap around your waist as he kissed you again, your lips parting to let him inside.

He shouldn’t be looking at this, he should be leaving and just leave you to your own devices. The lesson wasn’t important, you weren’t that important to him--

Amethyst eyes widen when you tilt your head as the student starts kissing down your neck, already choosing one spot to make his own as he licks and nips at the skin while you dig your fingers into his robe.

Vil didn’t really know how to describe the sudden surge of energy that caused him to fling the door open and grab the student by the back of his robe and pull him backwards, eyes glaring at you the entire time as you whisper his name, as if suddenly remembering that you had a previous engagement before this whole ‘sticking your tongue down a Pomefiore student’s throat’’ business.

“Prefect. My room. Now.”

You put your hands up and walk out of the room without looking at him, Vil letting go of the student’s robes and walking out after you. He didn’t even need to tell him that he was in trouble, the student would realize it soon enough once Rook delivered the chores that needed to be done by tonight.

A list only that student would be getting instead of the entire dorm.

Vil closes the door of his room and turns the lock rather harshly, looking back at you sitting at the edge of his bed still staring at the window. You weren’t trying to defend yourself, you weren’t even looking at him.

“I hate to be kept waiting, Prefect. Not just that, it is extremely rude to keep someone waiting just so you can fraternize with someone in my dorm.”

No answer. He grabs his desk chair and sits down so he can face you directly.

“What made you go and pick that potato?”

“Why would that be any of your business Vil-senpai?”

It was very much his business, if you asked him. He would have been okay if it was Epel or even Rook that you had picked to make out with but he wasn’t just going to stand around and watch as one of the student’s whose name he didn’t even know threw all of his work out of the window! So he asked the question again, this time getting a chuckle as an answer which only served to upset him even more.

“Out of anyone in my dorm you could have picked, you had to go with someone who offers you such a low quality brand of lip scrub?”

“That is your problem with this? What he offered me? Me and him just started hanging out, we know nothing about each other! I just wanted to change that.”

His headache was coming back again.

Vil put hard work into everything he did. That was his work ethic and people be damned if they thought it was too much. Maybe they couldn’t handle it but they still respected it, respected his craft and the work he put into it.

So why do you, of all of his recent projects, disrespect him so blatantly?

It was clear you weren’t ready yet, Vil wasn’t done working with you yet. After doing something like this, and right inside his dorm, he knew that you had just taken all of the careful brushes and strokes he had decorated your canvas with…

And burnt it right in front of his eyes.

Which is why he didn’t necessarily feel any guilt when he grabbed your cheeks and pulled his own lipstick out of his back pocket, ignoring your protests.

“Quiet.”

He applies the shade quickly and before you have any chance to protest, pushes his lips against yours.

The kiss is anything but sweet. It’s almost punishing. Vil was reminding you that you were a work in progress. He still had so much left to teach you, so much left to work with you and if you kept rushing things you were going to make him mad. Once he was done with you, you could go about your pitiful little life and kiss whoever you wanted and he wouldn’t even bat an eyelash.

A hand grasps at his wrists as you press his palms on your cheeks, your tongue gently pressing against his lips so you could slip inside--

Nevermind. This sort of impatient kissing would also have to go.

He pulls away and pushes you onto the mattress, your eyes hazy with eagerness and confusion as Vil removes his jacket and gloves and leans down to trap you below him.

“Were you this greedy with him? Did he also get this treatment from you? No, don’t answer. I fear I’ll only get angrier if you do. Now be an obedient little potato and stay still, the first thing I’ll fix is that messy kissing of yours.”

“ :( “

Snacks runs had to be the most annoying and heart pounding of his usual daily life quests. If waking up was a struggle enough, especially when no special loot such as new anime or manga was available, it was hard to complete such basic tasks without some sort of incentive.

Although Idia guessed that not dying of starvation was enough of an incentive.

He walks down the corridor of his own dorm, humming a quiet tune to himself as he looks down at all the snacks he had acquired. Which, score! They even had a limited edition chip flavor that came with the card of one of his favourite idols! It took everything in his power to not just spend all of his money on more than one bag but he had such a good day today that he knew his gacha pull luck just had to be good.

The door to a room behind him opens, Idia quickly picking up his pace and hiding behind a corner as he looks at who it could be. He isn't against anyone in his dorm but...he didn't have the means to engage in any conversation that wasn't about his current FPS game or Gakemo so--

"Thank you for the help! I thought my phone was beyond repair!"

His hands tighten around the chips pressed tight to his chest, eyes wide in surprise as he sees you stepping out of the room.

Of all people...why were you here so late?

The student laughs as he scratches the back of his head, handing you back your phone and looking away.

“No--No problem! I...I honestly didn’t think you would come to me for help. I integrated the newest magical technology on it as well as voice activated features and a--a brand new messaging app that sends messages faster!”

Idia clicked his tongue as he heard the student speak. Look at him showing off. You didn’t know that he was taking advantage of your naive mind! You didn’t know anything about magic so, of course, all those features would sound fancy!

When it was literally taking your phone and just downloading some fancy new apps on it!

Yet there you were, marveling down at it as if you had just gotten the latest version.

Well maybe he shouldn’t complain too much, even from here he could see your smile. A part of him worried that all this luck he was suddenly getting would affect the luck he would get on his chip bag but...you were worth it.

Such a rare event shouldn’t be left unnoticed.

Maybe...maybe if he stayed here you could walk by and he could open up the ‘bumping into each other late at night’ event?

“So how can I repay you? Do you need anything done?”

Idia tunes back into the conversation as he frowns, looking back at the two of you as the student looks at every single corner of the ceiling instead of looking at you.

Payment? The guy had just downloaded a couple of apps that wasn’t good enough reason to offer some sort of payment. He frowns and taps his foot impatiently as the guy stutters out a few excuses before finally giving you an answer.

“A ki--A kiss? Would that be alright?”

The Ignihyde dorm leader almost falls down as he hears that, retreating further into his corner as he glared daggers at the guy who had just dared to ask for such a bold request.

A k--kis--kiss? A kiss...from you?

This guy was starting to piss him off! He should just be content staring at you! You were a SSR character all on your own! That guy should be happy he even got to talk to you at all and shouldn’t ask for more than he was given! He already rolled for such a life changing event why would he even want more!

His eyes soften when he sees you mull it over. It was okay, you could reject him. Such a guy wouldn’t even be worthy of a kiss from you so you so all you had to do was say no! Go on, [Y/N], just reject hi--

Idia can feel his heart breaking as his muscles stop working, dropping all of his stuff on the floor with a thud as the sound echoes. Yet it went ignored, the other two people in the hallway too busy with their own activities.

When...when had you even kissed him? Idia only remembers you putting your phone away and the moment he blinked you had already pressed your lips against that other guy--!

He should be leaving, why isn’t he moving?

The student’s hand goes to your waist as you deepen it, his face turning a deep shade of red as you pull away and tap his lips.

“Was that your first kiss?”

“...y--yes..”

You were smiling and giving him such a rare, almost ultimately rare item and Idia didn’t know how long he could stare until he combusted.

So all he could do was turn around…

And run as fast as he could.

He ignored the familiar voice calling out his name, footsteps quickly following him as he started to run out of breath.

Making a poor otaku like him run, even now you were still being so cruel to him!

Idia’s door slides open as he bursts inside, ready to bury himself in his bed and never come out again--!

Only to stop when he hears you hiss in pain.

Blue eyes turn around to see your foot jammed into his doorway, not allowing the electric door to slide closed. A part of him wants to immediately go to you and ask if you were alright but he stops himself as the image of your kiss flashes through his mind again.

“[Y/N]-shi! W--What--!”

You rub at your foot and sigh, walking in with a confused look as Idia presses his back against his bookshelf. He knew it. If a SSR character could be brought to real life, this is the sort of power they would have over him.

The kind of aura you were emitting was enough for him to want to get on his knees, but he chose to remain strong.

“I was calling out to you…didn’t you hear me?”

Idia turns his head and looks at the floor, the pain still raw and emotionally taxing than what he was used to. Disappointment was one thing but heartbreak was a complete other monster!

“Shouldn’t--Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend?”

He spits the word out, annoyed that a guy from his dorm could unlock...no...could get someone like you. You were open to every single activity Idia gave you, you gave him good feedback and didn’t get scared when you two disagreed on something. Every manga he gave you, you read and every anime he told you to watch, you would watch it.

You were receptive, you were attentive, you were what Idia wanted in a real life friend!

He hadn’t dared hope for more!

That still didn’t mean he couldn’t fantasize when he was all by himself.

“Boyfriend…?”

You tilt your head in confusion before chuckling as you realized what had happened.

“Oh so you saw that.”

Is that all you were going to say?! You had just taken his heart and crushed it into tiny little pieces and you were just going to talk about what a pervert he was being!

Someone just KO him now, like right now!

“Yes...I saw. So what? You were just ki-kissi--doing that thing from everyone to see! So you should just go back to him instead of bullying me in my own room!”

Please just leave, he wanted to cry in peace.

Yet you stubbornly remain, just like the first time he met you.

“Idia I don’t know what crazy assumptions you are making but that guy isn’t my boyfriend.”

You put up one finger.

“He fixed my phone…”

Another one follows after.

“And he asked for a kiss for payment. Simple as that. You shouldn’t act like you caught us doing something major. It was just a kis---”

Large hands land on your shoulders as Idia now stands in front of you, head hung low as he mutters something to himself.

“Just a kiss….just a kiss.”

You jump as he gets close to your face, eyes staring at you pleadingly as he cupped your face.

“JUST A KISS? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? AN EXTRA RARE CHARACTER SUCH AS YOURSELF SHOULDN’T BE GIVING OUT SUCH RARE ITEMS LIKE THAT!”

He shakes you back and forth.

“IF YOUR KISS WAS JUST NORMAL THEN EVEN I...I COULD--”

Idia’s eyes fall on your lips, the rush of adrenaline mixed in with his built up desire for you all culminating in two choices popping up in his head. And for the first time, he knew that hesitation was not an option.

So he dives in.

His lips met yours roughly, not really moving them or anything but just pressing them against you. You put your hands gently on his chest but he takes it as a protest, which only causes him to push them onto yours even more.

This was...disastrous.

He had never kissed anyone before. How in the world did he think that he would be able to kiss you? Ah, maybe this was a dream? Right! He had just dreamed all of this up and you didn’t really force your way into his room to confront him!

His hair flares up when you cup his face, pushing him away slightly and tilting him in such a way that your lips would meet in a much softer fashion. He looks down and sees you closing your eyes, following in your footsteps and melting inside your kiss.

You both pull away slowly, Idia opening his eyes and blushing when he sees you licking your lips and sending him a teasing grin.

A rare sight...made only for him.

“I feel like I just spent all my stamina on this one event...so I don’t want to go unrewarded. Can we go further? I want to go further. What option do I have to pick for you to do that again, [Y/N]?”

“Don’t touch them.”

“YOUNG MASTER! WHERE ARE YOU!”

Malleus sighs as he looks on at the Diasmonia students gathered around the outskirts of the school, smiling as he sees Sebek directing them each and every way. Sebek really didn’t give up, did he? One of his classes had been canceled and he was eager to see the gargoyles around Ramshackle in a much better light but he figured Sebek would cause up a stir when he didn’t find him in his classroom.

As much as he appreciated him, Sebek didn’t have to walk him to every single class.

He sighs and goes deeper into the woods behind Ramshackle, the small broken path there leading him down a familiar terrain.

This is where he usually walked with you, after all.

Seeing this place in bright light was so very different. Instead of it being illuminated by his lights, the sun peeked out from over the trees and provided a sunny trail instead of the usual moonlight. He took a deep breath as he breathed in the smell of flowers all around, all of them growing wildly around him and defying any human to try and tame them.

His fingers trace some of the thorns he found on some of them, the flowers attracted to his touch and moving closer to his hands as a small vine wrapped around his finger.

All with his magic’s help after all.

This was his safe space. Malleus would come here during his first and second year and lose himself in the wilderness. In here no one would fear him. Here every single thing was responsive to his touches and even dared to touch back. Some of the wild rose bushes also reminded him of him, Malleus adding a bit more thorns around the flowers as in to emulate the very home he missed.

In this lonely place, he flourished.

But it wasn’t so lonely now, was it?

His third year had brought one big surprise. A human. A child of man who did not know who he was or what he was capable of. They looked at him as if he was just any other stranger roaming around their dorm and not the next ruler of the Valley of Thorns.

And Malleus, being the very curious person he is, found himself pulled to your inattentiveness.

He had dropped many hints that he was eager to get to know you more, relishing in the fact that you two were starting to get closer. And while he had hoped to keep his identity a secret a bit longer, he found it almost unbearable for you to not know who he was.

If you were so open with who you were, then he should show you the same kind of respect.

How wonderful that you were now on a first name basis with each other.

Malleus could walk over to Ramshackle dorm now and knock on your door without hesitation, smiling as he sees your excitement at just what places you two would discover in the dead of night.

Bummer you couldn’t be with him now.

He had seen you come out of your dorm and ask Sebek if he needed any help, to which the fae replied rather rudely that no human could ever track down his young master, so he was a bit reluctant to discover any more places without you by his side.

These walks were something you two did together, after all.

So he remained at this spot, touching everything and anything that would strike his fancy while going deeper and deeper into a small clearing you two had found. A large tree decorated its middle, the leaves falling gently upon the ground as the sun shone down on the large pond that provided this part of the forest with the water it needed to balance out the sun’s gentle rays.

“Shhhh, don’t make too much noise.”

Malleus stops as he hears your voice, his head immediately turning towards the sound as he hears rustling behind him. He smiles and turns to where he thought you were coming from only to be struck by a sudden idea--and immediately hiding among the trees and bushes so you couldn’t see him.

Would you be surprised to find him here?

He hoped so. Malleus had the habit of appearing to you suddenly so this wouldn’t be breaking any traditions between you two. If he played his cards right, you might join him on a walk all the way to the edge of the island.

“Prefect do you know where you are going?”

“I do! I’ve been here so many times. Now come on!”

Another person’s voice. No...he had heard that voice before.

Malleus retreats back into his hiding spot as he sees you rush by, holding by the hand a Diasmonia student as he rushes to follow you. You smile and turn around, still holding his hand while the other looked on in amazement at where you had led him.

“Prefect...this is…”

“Like it? Me and Malleus found it a while ago. This is how we know we are close to the edge of the forest.”

The Diasmonia dorm leader smiles as he watches you show the student around, pointing out different sights and sounds as the other watched on in amazement. That student probably had never gone anywhere this secret and while Malleus was glad you were showing off the place you two shared…

There was a feeling deep inside his chest that flared up angrily as he caught the student looking at you more than his surroundings.

Green eyes watch as the student’s hand clenches and unclenches, seemingly working up the courage to do something as you continue speaking. Which was rather rude, in Malleus’s opinion. You were explaining some wonderful things about the flora here and he was just staring at you without engaging in the conversation.

And how did you two know each other? Malleus had never mentioned you in Diasmonia except to Silver and Lilia, had he known you before him?

Malleus hands grip the tree bark tighter as the student takes your hand, stopping your explanation as he gets you to focus your attention on him.

What--?

“I’ve been eager to find some time alone with you.”

The student clears his throat before pulling you by the hand gently, your surprised look turning into one of playfulness as you follow along with his movements. He leads you to the edge of the pond, spinning you around as you allow him to position you in such a way that you are now closer to him than before.

Which only makes the angry feeling in Malleus’s gut flare up even more.

“Have you now? What for?”

An answer Malleus wanted to know as well.

Blushing, the student smiles and leads you into a dance with no music which only served to make you laugh and make Malleus’s fingers dig deep into the wood of the poor tree.

In the dragon fae’s eyes, you two are dancing for hours without caring about who was around. Why had he even brought you here? This student was part of Sebek’s surveillance crew and yet here he was not doing his job. But he wasn’t the one who brought you here…

You were.

Your actions were lost on Malleus as the dance finishes up, the student dipping you low before bringing you up.

“So you brought me here to dance? Who knew Diasmonia students were so charming.”

Malleus didn’t like the way you were smiling, nor how your hands rested on the student’s shoulders. He hadn’t seen this side of you before, you were playing along with this student and his motives.

Had you always been so playful? Malleus had only seen you during the night and whenever you two spoke it was a conversation worthy of two friends sharing experiences together.

But not this...never this…

“Well, not just a dance. I’ve wanted to state my intentions outright.”

The tree starts to crack slowly as Malleus can feel more thorns growing out of the rose bushes around him.

“Ever since you arrived, you have been an enigma to me. You are always so helpful even to those who do not seek your aid. Even now, you didn’t have to help me search for our Young Master."

He wasn’t searching for anyone, he was too close to you for Malleus’s liking and he needed to learn how to respect your boundaries.

“Yet you still offered me your help...and I…I want to...”

The student was leaning closer as his hands slid down to your waist, Malleus staring as you started to tilt your head as you placed your hands on his chest while his lips were dead set on meeting yours--!

Your face is tilted up as cold lips meet yours, your mouth opening in a surprised gasp as the hold the student had on you was no longer shy and timid but angry and possessive. These lips were pulling you in closer and closer, greedily eating each and every sound you were making as the air was slowly stolen from your lungs.

A string of saliva is left hanging as you two separate, your eyes fluttering open as you think of something to say to such a ravishing kiss.

Only for them to open wide in surprise as you see who you had really kissed.

“Malleus!?”

You turn to look behind the fae’s back, the Diasmonia student looking at his Young Master in mild panic and surprise while Malleus presses you close against his chest, clearly hiding you from view.

Right before the student even had a chance to taste your lips, Malleus had rushed out of his hiding place and pulled him away by the collar of his shirt.

For a dragon to watch on as something that was his was so close to be taken away, the surprise must have gotten to him.

“Go tell Sebek to head back to Diasmonia and call off his search. I will be there by nightfall.”

The student tries to stutter out a response but Malleus glares back as he keeps you pressed firmly against him.

“Now.”

You watch the student leave in a hurry, following the broken path you had led him in with. Your eyes peek up to look at Malleus but the dorm leader waits until the sound of footsteps is long gone before tilting your face up again and leaning down to press his lips against yours in another rough and dominating kiss.

Hands push you forward as your back collides with the huge tree in the clearing, Malleus making sure that the back of your head meets the bark gently as his lips never parted from yours. You wrap your arms around him as best as you could and let out an involuntary squeak when the fae decides to pick you up so that you could pull him in even closer.

He is the one to pull away first, hands firmly on your bottom as you wrap your legs around his waist to support yourself.

“Malleus--”

The fae presses another kiss to your lips, effectively silencing you so that all your attention would be on him.

“Don’t ever bring someone else into this place, child of man. Do I make myself clear? This place is our haven and I will not have someone else come steal both it and you away from me. Well, even if you don’t understand, I’ll make sure to explain it to you thoroughly. Now...kiss me again.”

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst x reader #twst mc #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #vil x reader #idia x reader #malleus x reader #twst headcanons #twst imagines #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia x reader #//TO THE PEOPLE WHO ASKED ME ABOUT THIS A LOT!#//THIS IS FOR YOU!

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trueshellz · 3 years

Note

Hello! Can I request Osamu and Kuroo finding out their S/O has trouble functioning recently. Like usually they're working a lot and being productive but now they're burnt out – no motivation, skipping meals, can't sleep, etc. If this is too much, please feel free to ignore! Thank you!

Thank you for the request! 💜

Osamu

You had always been good at hiding your stress from your family and it was no different when you started dating. Work had been more stressful than usual, there had been lots of looming deadlines and the change in management meant that the new person was trying to leave their mark on the company. Being a perfectionist, you didn't want your work scrutinised and had taken to working long hours with little sleep.

Osamu was aware of this, knowing to keep his distance when you had lots to do. Not because he didn't like your job, but more so that you would get little done, instead playing games or making out. You had planned to see him properly but he would always pop in during the early evening to drop off some food for you.

What you hadn't shared with him was how stressed you had felt. Instead of eating, the food had been piling up untouched. You were up most of the night working on the changes coming through from the new manager and relied on coffee and caffeine pills to help. When going into work had become too stressful, you had taken some time off to recover and focus on yourself. But this had just made you fall into a dark hole. You spent all day in pyjamas, barely eating still and slept most of the day. You didn't know how to tell your hardworking boyfriend how you felt, especially since he was so busy with the shop. If he could manage a business you should be able to do your job right?

It was the second week of not seeing you daily, Osamu was starting to get worried. You had told him that you were staying with family for a bit as you had been stressed with work and didn't want to take time away from him setting his restaurant up. You still spoke everyday, less so on video or the phone but your text conversations went on for ages.

"Osamu! How are you?"

Glancing up, he saw your parents approaching the shop as he was putting up a notice board. They had known for a while that you had been dating, being supportive of you both and the relationship between you had been great.

"I'm ok. How are you both? How's my lovely girlfriend doing?"

The shock on their faces was almost palatable, they both looked at each other confused before turning back to him.

"We've not spoken to her for about 3 weeks. She said she was staying at her apartment as she had deadlines to meet and needed to focus. You know how her siblings are when she's home."

"But..."

Osamu felt his heart stop as your parents told him what else you had said. The worst thoughts going through his mind as he listened half-heartedly to them. There was no reason to lie to him or your parents. He couldn't think of why you had spun this story to lie to everyone.

Waving farewell to your parents, his thoughts swirling around his head as he finished work and tidied up the shop. By the time he locked up, he was just angry at you. How dare you lie to him? You knew how much he valued truthfulness and honesty.

Storming to you apartment, he planned his conversation in his head. He was going to confront you about lying to your parents, lying to him and about not spending time with him. If you didn't want to date him, you should have just said. Knocking on your door, he waited for you to answer but there was nothing, the lights were off and he couldn't see inside. He didn't like using the spare key you gave him, not wanting to be that boyfriend who didn't trust their partner. But it seemed like he had no choice.

Unlocking your front door, he was shocked to see your post on the floor, more than would accumulate from a day or two. Walking through and calling our your name, he could see the apartment was messy too. The food he had been sending on the worktops, work papers all over the floor and your curtains were all closed too. He kept calling your name until he reached your room, hoping to hear you reply. Were you unwell? Why hadn't you told him? He would have helped you, looked after you.

You had been in bed all day, apart from a quick shower and eating a banana, the energy you usually had had completely depleted. Everything hurt. Arms. Legs. Head. Back. Your eyeballs hurt. How was that even possible? You thought you heard your name being called but figured it was just your mind playing tricks on you. It wasn't until your bedroom door opened and Osamu's face came into your peripheral vision did you really start to panic.

"'Samu... I... what?"

All thoughts of reprimanding you flew straight out the window when he saw you. Osamu actually felt his stomach drop. Your usually bright and cheerful face was dull, your eyes were sunken and you had bags under them, he was sure you'd lost weight and didn't even want to ask when you had last eaten.

"Baby."

That one word was enough to have you breaking down into tears, not pretty ones, loud and gut wrenching sobs as he rushed over and pulled you close. Yep, definitely lost weight. His chin resting on your head as he shushed you, arms wrapped around you tightly as he rubbed your back. Your tears soaking the front of his jacket, hand curled in his top as if he'd disappear. You hadn't realised how much you missed him until he appeared in front of you.

"Baby, why didn't ya tell me? I woulda come sooner."

You shook your head, unable to form words he he climbed into bed with you. Pulling you forward so you lay on him, his arms wrapped around you as you lay there. For a long time neither of you spoke, content to lay there while your breathing settled back down and eventually falling asleep again. As you did, he couldn't help but shed a few tears at the sight of seeing you so exhausted and broken, especially after he thought the worst, made him feel like shit. How could he have been so blind? He should have seen something was wrong?

"'Samu?" He felt you move and sit up, instead pushing your head back onto his chest, he cuddled you close and squeezed you lightly.

"I'm here, baby. Don't worry."

"'M sorry."

"For what?"

"Lying."

If he hadn't cried already, he was sure you were going to make him cry again. Closing his eyes against the tears, he propped you up so you could look down at him. Brushing the hair behind your ears, he thumbed your cheek lovingly before kissing you softly.

"I wish ya'd told me, baby. I woulda helped. I woulda checked on ya more and-"

"I didn't want to burden you. You've been busy with the shop and I just... didn't want to seem like I couldn't manage. And then it just got so much and I didn't know how to fix it."

Sitting up, Osamu pulled you into his lap so you were say sideways and rocked you gently as he spoke.

"Ya never have to be sorry for shit like this. If I'd known, I woulda come sooner. Baby, ya had me worried. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to ya. Listen to me, ya never gonna be alone ok? Let me help ya baby. Lemme take some of the burden ok?" When you shook your head, he smiled and continued. "I love ya baby. It's my job to help ya."

"How?"

"Come stay with me for a bit? Even if ya never leave ya room or wanna stay in bed, ya won't be alone. I'll be there to help."

"I don't-"

"Please baby. If nothing else, I'll know that yer OK. That yer not alone and sad. All by yerself thinking that no one cares. Please?"

Kuroo

It was the autumn term and you were struggling. You weren’t sure what it was about this weather that just drained you of energy, the lack of light or the cold seeping into your bones. The idea of having dark mornings and dark evenings made your mood sour and no matter what you did, it wasn’t getting any better. You knew you had work that needed doing, your to do list steadily getting bigger and your will to donit getting smaller.

You had been off school for a week now, with Kuroo away at traing camp he was none the wiser. You were able to hide your troubles from him, he would call in the evening which would he the time you got home. He was always so cheerful, face lit up with his stories about his day and games. Often you would have his teammates crash the call and hear the mayhem as he tried to wrestle the phone away from them.

Last night, Lev had stolen the phone and started complaining about being picked on. As much as you loved your boyfriend, Lev was a sweetheart and you had a huge soft spot for him. Kuroo had wrestled the phone away from him and you watched the fight ensue in the background. With so much going on, it was easy to divert the attention away from yourself, load all the focus on his team and their game today.

Glancing at the clock, you knew the team would be on their way back by now. It was the afternoon and school was still in full force, the homework from last week still on your desk and your phone full of messages from friends asking where you were. Soon you heard Kuroo's special ringtone light up your phone. He would always message you after a match and meet with you, walking you home at the end of the day while filling you in about the camp. You would pick up snacks on the way and the lounge around on the sofa watching movies together. But today? You just couldn't do it.

Kuroo was confused and worried. Not only had you not answered your phone but you weren't in your class. Your friends hadn't heard from you in a while and that wasn't like you. Dialling your number again, he waved goodbye to his teammates before making his way to your house. He was almost there, turning back at the last minute to grab your favourite flowers and food from your local shop.

Arriving at your house, he could see that the lights were off but your car was parked outside. Calling you again, he could hear your phone ring from inside the house but you made no attempt to answer it. Banging on the door, he waited and waited. Tension growing by the minute when you didn't appear.

"Kitten! I can hear your phone ringing. Answer the door."

You knew you should answer it, you phone had rang about twelve times and you had about twenty messages as well as four voicemails. Dragging yourself out of bed, you went to your window and peered out, seeing his dark hair as he bent over his phone. The image tugged at your heart, you could see his brows furrowed as he bounced on his toes. A sure sign that he was anxious and worried.

"Kitten. Open the door. I can see your shadow in the window."

You tensed as he said that, begrudgingly walking to the door and bracing yourself against it. Tears forming in your eyes as you thought about how you worried everyone, how much of a letdown you were and how unreliable.

"Baby." His voice was softer now, closer too. "Open the door. I'm worried about you. Lemme at least see you ok? If you wanna be alone afterwards, I'll leave."

Cracking the door open a few centimetres, you peered through and saw Kuroo's face. It instantly softened, you felt your eyes fill with tears as he reached across and ran his thumb under your eyes, most probably seeing the dark circles you had. Letting him push the door open further, you let him pull you into a hug. His arms wrapping securely around your body as you fell into him, his voice a low shushing in your ear and it was then that you realised you were crying. Tears tracking down your face and soaking his jersey as you stood.

"Kitten, I gotcha. I'll always be here for you. Shhh. Don't cry baby. You're breaking my heart here. Let's get you inside yeah? I bought some food and we can lounge around like always." He pulled away and a look of panic crossed his face. "If that's what you want. If not, I'll go. I don't wanna intrude or-"

"No, Tetsu. I'd love to have you here... but, I'm not in a great place. I don't wanna-"

"Baby listen, my heart is wherever you are. If you're hurting, I'm hurting too. We'll get through this together ok? Let's stay in bed, watch some movies and eat our body weight in junk. If you're feeling up to it tomorrow, we'll organise things yeah? School work. Homework. Whatever. I'm back now, you don't have to do this alone."

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rebelwrites · 3 years

Text

Restoration

Jax Teller x Daughter Reader

“You gonna actually behave for your father this week?” You mum asked as you packed your bag.

“Maybe, depends if he pisses me off or not” you shrugged.

The thing was your mum and dad split about 4 years ago, a year after Abel was born. They had you at a young age, at 15 to be precise, you was now 18 and had seen their relationship completely fall apart, you saw how he treated your mum towards the end of the relationship and you hated it, you hated how he made your mum feel, how you saw the whole thing. However you were grateful Abel was still too young to understand what was going on.

“Y/N please, I know you don’t get along with him but he is your dad at the end of the day” mum sighed.

“Not gonna change my opinion on him” you laughed.

Even though your parents weren’t together anymore they never actually filed for a divorce.

“Just try” mum said placing her hand on your shoulder “for Abel at least, it’s hard enough on him as it is”

“And it’s not hard for me mum” you spat “try going through school where everyone is obsessed with the sons, constantly badgering me about them, about dad, asking if the fucking rumours are true”

You knew that your mum wasn’t completely innocent in the whole relationship break down. So you had an attitude with them both.

The drive to Teller-Morrow was silent, neither you or your mum spoke because you were your father’s daughter at the end of day, your mum always said it was like having a female Jax in the house, the way you held yourself, your attitude, your temper. So no words were spoken just for Abel’s sake, he didn’t need to see his sister and mum biting each other’s heads off.

Climbing out of the car, you grabbed your bag from the boot, before wandering off to find your uncles, at least you had a good relationship with them, it was just the relationship with your dad that was rocky.

You didn’t get it, he was such a good father to Abel, but with you it was a different story, one of his biggest regrets was you seeing the breakdown happen, all the arguments that happened when you were younger. Since then you saw the man that you once saw as your hero as the bad guy.

“Hey kiddo” Jax grinned, opening his arms to you.

“Whatever dad” you huffed walking by him, dumping your bag on the picnic bench before placing a cigarette in your mouth.

“She’s in a mood, sorry Jax” you heard mum say, making you roll your eyes. “Give her a couple of days and she should calm down”

“She’s so much like me it’s scary” he sighed as he watched you laugh with Tig and Happy.

“If you’re gonna talk about me can you at least go somewhere where I can’t bloody hear you” you snapped not looking at them.

Jax knew that with both his kids being here with him for the week, he was going to try his hardest to mend the bridges that had once been burnt. He wanted nothing more than getting his little girl back.

“I will speak with her” Jax nodded as he took Abel into his arms, who was grinning at the sight of his daddy.

At least one of his kids didn’t hate him.

However he had a plan, he knew you loved bikes, so he had one sat in the garage waiting to be restored and he was hoping it was something you could do together and then he could teach you to ride. He knew it wouldn’t magically fix the relationship but at least it would give you a memory that wasn’t bad.

Your mum had now left, which meant you were stuck with your dad for the next week, no doubt it would be a week of you looking after Abel, it always was when you were here, the club came before you. It always had and always would.

“Table in 5” Jax shouted as he walked into the club, he didn’t miss the eye roll that came from you, he knew what you thought, you had only been here 10 minutes and he was putting the club before you. But this time would be different.

“Okay so everyone knows my relationship with Y/N is very much on the rocks right now” Jax sighed running his hand over his face. “And I know it’s my fault and I want to fix that, so this week I only want to be involved in club business if the shit has hit the fan. Anything else speak to Chibs, I need to fix things with my little girl before it is too late”

Everyone nodded, they knew how much Jax loved you, you was his first born at the end of the day and it killed him knowing that you hated him.

“Anything we can do to help we are here” Happy nodded.

“Thanks Hap but this is something I need to do on my own, I created this mess so I need to fix it” Jax sighed “If it can be fixed”

It was now Wednesday and Jax still hadn’t made any progress, the bike lay untouched in the garage, and you hadn’t spoken more than a few words a day to him.

“Uncle Hap am I being a bitch?” You sighed looking up at him as you lit a smoke.

“Honestly kiddo, I know where you are coming from but he is the only dad you are gonna get” Happy said placing his hand on yours. “I know the reasons you have for hating Jax but he misses his little girl, I’m not saying forgive him straight away but stop shutting him out”

“I miss my dad” you sighed “but you didn’t hear me say that”

“My lips are sealed” Happy nodded “you know he took a step back from the club this week to spend time with you and Abel”

“I didn’t know” you sighed running your hand over your face.

“I think he wants to restore a bike or something with you” Hap smiled kissing your head “he’s in the garage”

Trudging into the garage with your head hung low, you felt guilty about how you went off at dad this morning.

“I’m sorry” you mumbled, not looking up.

You heard him sigh and his footsteps getting closer to you.

Talk about irony, the radio had started playing bad husband, scoffing as dad placed his hand on your shoulder.

You can be a liar and a good father A good dad, but a bad husband

“Guess the song is 90% right” you sighed “you are a good father to Abel at least”

“Hey look at me kiddo” Dad said lifting your chin. “My biggest regret in life was letting you see all the fights between me and your mum. I know that has done so much damage to our relationship but I never stopped loving your or your mum okay”

You stayed silent, you didn’t know what to say.

Forever be a hero in my eyes, But there’s always another side. To a good father. A great dad, but a bad husband

“Look me and your mum still love each other and we probably always will” he sighed “we just don’t work well together okay but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you”

All I want is for us not to hurt. And it’s been an exhaustive search to find the words

The song was basically saying everything you couldn’t.

But I’m not so sure how to close this. I just don’t know how some people can be so good At one thing and so fucked at a whole ‘nother, shit, it’s no wonder

You both just stood there not saying a word as Jax pulled you into his arms holding you tight.

“I’m not saying we have to go back to being as close as we once were but I want a chance, a chance to mend the bridges I burnt, I want to be in your life and not as someone you hate” Jax whispered.

Nodding your head, you sniffed as a tear fell down your cheek, this was the most you had talked in a year. All you wanted to hear over the past year was that your dad still loved you.

“You don’t have to say anything yet sweetheart” dad whispered kissing your head “now what do you say to helping your old man fix this bike up and then I would like it if you let your old man teach you how to ride”

“I’d like that” you mumbled.

The next few days flew by and your mum had arrived to pick you and Abel up. Pushing yourself off the bench you walked over to her with a slight smile on your face.

“Come on, let’s get you home” mum said.

Glancing over to your dad you smiled softly before turning back to your mum.

“Actually mum, I think I’m gonna stick around here a bit longer” you nodded feeling Jax place his hand on your shoulder squeezing it softly. “I wanna stay with dad, we still have a bike to finish”

Your mum stood staring at you, confusion spread all over her face.

“You want to willingly stay?” She questioned

“Yup” you nodded.

“Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?” She laughed before turning to Jax “you okay with her staying?”

“Course I am” he beamed at the fact you wanted to stay with him longer.

As soon as you said bye to your mum, you headed back into the garage leaving Jax stood there in his own world.

“Come on dad the bike isn’t gonna fix its self” you laughed rolling your sleeves up.

The hours flew by and you was both covered in grease, Chibs walked outside hearing all the laughter coming from the garage, a smile formed on his face as he snapped a photo of the two of you before walking back into the club house.

“Okay a know normally a would bring this ta table but no one is to disturb Jackie Boy, a don’t care wha it is, if it’s club business, Ye arms fallen off or Ye are on fire, ye come ta me” Chibs smiled leaning against the bar. “Tha is until further notice, this is wha they both need”

Everyone nodded in agreement, it was nice to see you and Jax not at each other’s throats and they knew that the fact you wanted to stay here meant you really wanted to rebuild the relationship

Standing back from the bike something clicked.

“Why does this bike look so familiar?” You asked.

“Well princess it was your grandads” Jax grinned draping his arm around your shoulder.

“JT’s” you said looking up and he nodded. “Wait and you are just letting me have once we have fixed her up?”

“That’s the plan” Jax laughed “he would have wanted you to have it and it’s better than it sitting gathering dust”

You were in awe, you knew how much this bike meant to him. Wrapping your arms around him you gave him a tight hug.

Neither of you talked about much other than the bike, outside of the garage you were slowly building things back up, you both knew it would take longer than a week but it was a start.

“So your mum says you’ve been getting into trouble at college?” He asked as you were packing the tools up.

“Meh” you shrugged “someone said something, I didn’t like it so I fucking punched them and broke there nose. No biggie”

Jax couldn’t help but smirk, you were exactly like him, in so many ways.

“You can’t say anything dad you taught me talking was boring when you can fight it out” just as you said it an idea popped into your head. Spinning round on the balls of your feet you grinned at your dad.

“No, nope happening” He laughed when he realised what you was thinking “me and you aren’t going at it in the ring” he chuckled.

“Why do you think you will lose old man” you taunted.

“Nope it’s not that” he said looking up “I am not boxing with my daughter”

“You’re just scared because you know I’m gonna beat your ass” you giggled squaring up to him.

He knew you weren’t gonna back down. You was a Teller at the end of the day.

“Fine but if you get hurt you are telling your mum it was your idea” Jax sighed in defeat.

And with that you ran off into the clubhouse to tell everyone.

It was now 7pm and Tig was wrapping your fists.

“You sure about fighting your dad kiddo?” He asked.

“Uncle Tiggy I’m sure” you nodded “we need this, well I need this. If I’m gonna let go of the past I need to do this”

“Okay then” he smiled kissing your fist “beat the shit out of your old man”

You were now standing face to face with your dad in the ring. He knew what was happening, and he wasn’t going to fight back, he had overheard what you said to Tig. So if beating the shit out of him was what you needed to forgive him then that is what he was going to let you do.

Punch after punch, you felt the anger flow through your fists, you were fuelled by every bad memory, everything he did and he just let the punches keep coming.

Your emotions got the better of you as you scream, pounding your fists against his chest as you burst into tears. As soon as this happened Jax wrapped his arms around you, dropping to his knees holding you tight.

“That’s it princess let it all out, all the anger, all the pain” he whispered rubbing your back. “I’m never gonna leave you okay, no matter what happens with me and your mum, you will always have your old man in your corner. My biggest regret is you saw everything happen, I never wanted you to feel like I loved Abel more than you, you are my little girl, my princess and I love you”

Once you had calmed down, you felt a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, you no longer felt an immense hatred towards your dad.

It had been a couple of days after the ‘fight’ and you had actually started to open up. The bike was finished and you were just putting the tools away.

“I want to drop out of college” you said “it’s really not for me, I struggle with the exams and coursework”

“You know whatever you decide I will support you” Jax smiled softly at you, hee knew where you was coming from, he was exactly the same when it came to tests and the theory behind things. “If you did drop out what would you do?”

“Actually I wanna be a mechanic” you said looking up. “Maybe I could work here”

“Why don’t you sleep on the idea and if you really want to drop out then we will get it all sorted” he said kissing your head. “Now what do you say we take her for a spin?”

“You think I’m ready for the roads” you laughed.

“You are a natural” he grinned tossing you your helmet “it’s in your blood”

The rest of the day was spent riding round the streets charming, a smile on your face and your relationship with your dad well on the road to being what it once was. Never in a million years you would have thought that restoring JT’s bike would actually restore your relationship as well.

#Jax Teller #jax teller x reader #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy x reader

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