#well my mom didn’t do anything but I think she was concerned when I deleted the account lol

[prisonpodcast]

Its so weird how sometimes a memory you hadn’t thought about/hadn’t remembered existed for a long time resurfaces and your like 😦😦 because now why the fuck would someone even say that to younger you 😭😭

#I just remembered when I was like 13/14 I had an art account on insta and I drew Techno and my dad saw it and started laughing at it #and went ‘what the hell is that why does it look like that’ #well I deleted that whole account like a few days later lol #I’m just like. wow ok well that’s why I don’t show my parents my art anymore OKAYY #well my mom didn’t do anything but I think she was concerned when I deleted the account lol #sorry I’m just in a mood and I feel bad for younger me because I was upset and I didn’t want to be upset #because he was ‘just kidding’ :|

[hugshughes]

IM LITERALLY LIKE GOING CRAZY WAITING FOR U TO POST HARD LAUNCH LIKE GOING FERAL

Hard Launch C. Bedard.

Connor Bedard x fem!reader

synopsis - Connor has kept your relationship under wraps for a while just because he knows how crazy people can be; what happens when he knows he needs you right next to him at the draft?

wc - 2.1k

contains - cursing, reader has anxiety/is anxious, Connor picks at the skin around his nails, a ciwyw by taylor swift reference (sorry), probably some inaccuracies when it comes to like how the draft goes, kissing, fluff.

an - this was supposed to be posted a few days ago but when i proofread it i absolutely hated it so i started over! sorry about the inaccuracies related to the draft and how it works, i had to put a few things that probably aren’t true for the sake of the story. also!! when i reply to comments i have to do it from my primary blog which is @hugshughesy so i’ll reply but it won’t say like creator i don’t think. i’ve been like rereading this and i hate it might delete soon feeling silly. i hope you guys like it!!

-

“Baby, you have to stop doing that.”

You grab Connor’s hand and slip it into yours, partially because you just love him, and mostly to get him to stop picking at his cuticles. He blushes at your concern, looking over at you sheepishly.

“Sorry, just nervous.” You nodded, laying your head on his shoulder. He and you both. Although, Connor probably had a little more to be nervous about than you, seeing as he’s gonna be the #1 draft pick tonight and be blasted on the tv screens of millions.

You were more nervous about the fact that you’d never been seen with Connor before, no one knew he was off the market, and when they saw his golden girl sitting by him tonight at the draft, the 14 year old girls were definitely gonna track you down like FBI agents.

You’d seen all the fan accounts, ones with bios that would read, “Connor’s girlfriend (real)”. And those made you laugh, but you also saw the hostile people that would threaten you and say terrible things and they didn’t even know you actually existed.

“Well, everything will be okay because one, we already obviously know you’re gonna go #1 because you’re just like the best. And two, your family is here, and your friends are here. And they all love you so so much Connie.”

“What about my girlfriend, y’think she loves me?”

You giggled at his question, furrowing your eyebrows and letting out a ‘hmmmm’ as if you were thinking about the answer.

“Actually, I think she loves you the more than anything else.”

Connor laughed now, wrapping his arm around your waist, which you initially accepted as an act of love, but then your boyfriend start tasing your sides.

You squirm and squeal, jerking around in Connor’s hold, not until you quite literally roll yourself off the hotel bed are you free. You look up at him from your place on the floor, an unamused look displayed on your face. While Connor’s expression is quite the opposite, as he giggles to himself.

“I tell you how much I love you, and you just throw me on the floor? Wow.”

He laughs louder at this, his bright smile melting your heart.

“I didn’t throw you on the floor, you did that to yourself.”

He holds his arms out for you, grabbing your hands and pulling you back up on the bed.

“Well, you still haven’t even told me you love me back so.”

“You know I love you the most. I know you know that.”

You do know that, as surprising as it would be to someone that’s seen his awkwardness and shortness in interviews and things like that, Connor is very expressive with his love for you. He always shows you how grateful he is for you.

“Connor! Gotta start getting ready soon, cameras will be in here in 30!”

His mom shouts from the adjoining door between the two hotel rooms his family was currently in. He shouts back an affirmative then sighs, laying back on the bed.

“Everything’s gonna go perfect Con, you’re completely surrounded by people who love you so much, and I know it’s a huge event, but there’s no need to be nervous baby.”

He looks at you, he practically has hearts in his eyes, he gives you a smile. He nods and sits up, standing to go grab his garment bag with his suit.

While he went to do that you went into the bathroom, making sure he didn’t mess up your makeup you’d just done messing around with you. It was still perfect, thankfully, and you closed the door to put your dress on.

You changed, then fixed your hair, you’d gotten it done a few days before, so you could do it quickly on draft day.

You touch up everything, lastly taking off your necklace with a gold heart as the charm and taking out your new gold ‘C’ necklace. Wearing his initial meant more than “belonging” to him, it was because he’s your boy, the boy who knows you.

Connor walked into the bathroom, suit pants and button up on. He practically had hearts in his eyes when he saw you. He wraps his arms around your hips and leans down to lay his chin on your shoulder.

“Wow, gorgeous. You look fuckin’ perfect.”

You feel heat envelop your face, giving Connor a big smile.

“I have a little something to show you. Nothing special, but I think you’ll like it.

He nods, looking at you expectedly. You show him the necklace, and the hearts in his eyes double in size. He looks from the necklace to you, and then back down again.

“Are you serious?”

The hope in Connor’s voice was apparent. He was in awe at the idea of you wearing his initial. You knowing and showing your love for him gets him so happy. When you nod at him, his smile grows. He helps you put it on, then turns you around to look at you.

You looked perfect, so, so gorgeous. You left the bathroom, sitting on the bed to put your heels on. The Bedard family minus Connor was in the other room now, talking. You fastened the buckle on your last heel, and Connie sits next to you, leaning his head on your shoulder.

“Everything’s gonna change after tonight, can feel it.”

Connor whispers to you, you can’t be much comfort to him though because the second you’re about to try, his mom comes through, letting him know the camera guys are here.

He sighs and nods, going to stand up but not before you kiss his head, giving his hand a squeeze. You stayed where you were as you watched Connor enter the other room, closing the door behind him. He knew you were already on edge and he didn’t want your anxiety to spike earlier than it had to.

After about 20 minutes Madisen texts you that it’s time for everyone to go. You grab your wallet and exit the room, seeing the Bedards and a few off-duty cameramen already in the hallway. Connor’s hand was gripping yours the whole way to Bridgestone.

You guys were finally in your seats after almost an hour. You were sat in between Connor and his mom, much to your dismay. You felt it was only right for Connor to sit by his family with you on the end but he whined and whined until his mom urged you to sit next to him.

Right now you knew there were many cameras on you, your leg bounced at the thought. Connor brushed his hand over your knee, whispering your name. You snap out of your thoughts, jerking your head towards him.

“Are you alright baby?”

Your eyes soften at his question, smiling and nodding at him. You pat your hand on his that covers your knee.

“Y’know, just a little nervous that everyone’s about to see that you’re my mega-hot boyfriend.”

He laughs at that, his grip on your knee tightening. Your free hand moves to the charm on your necklace, holding it tightly.

“Well, I think everyone’s gonna be confused about how I have such a hot girlfriend.”

It was your turn to laugh, you could feel the nerves prickling at the back of your neck slightly fade as you looked at your boy.

“Well, I think that number one draft picks are super hot, so.”

He looks at you with a big smile, his eyes soft and full of adoration, he brings his hand up and pushes your hand from your necklace, fingers brushing over the ‘C’ sitting on your chest.

Before you know it, the draft begins to start and the Blackhawks are on the clock. You and Connor’s legs are bouncing in sync, but you can’t help but look at him with a smile. It obviously doesn’t take long before Kyle Davidson is up at the podium.

“And with the first overall selection of the 2023 NHL draft, the Chicago Blackhawks are very proud to select, from the Regina Pats of the Western Hockey League, Connor Bedard.”

He smiles so bright, so big. He stands up and you follow, he engulfs you in a huge hug.

“Thank you so much, I love you so much.”

You say it right back to him before he moves to hug the rest of his family and friends. When he walks past you again to get out to the aisle he takes you by complete surprise, kissing you in front of everyone. That was quite the way to hard launch your relationship. He quickly pulls away and goes to bro hug Adam. Your eyes completely widen, quickly turning your head to look at Madisen, who is laughing at your shock, and her brother’s boldness.

You would’ve never expected Connor to do that, you’re guessing the adrenaline got to him, but wow. You recovered from your moment and clapped as you watched your boyfriend strut up to the stage, shaking hands with the Blackhawks staff and sliding on his jersey.

You hold his mom’s hand as you feel tears rushing your waterline. You’d known Connor since you were both 10 and watching him up on the stage was definitely overwhelming.

You guys sit and celebrate the other picks and after about an hour you all were out somewhere on the inside of Bridgestone arena, waiting for Connor to finish up promotional stuff.

He comes out from a hallway and the smile on his face is absolutely heart melting. He hugs his family before he makes his way to you, hugging you very tightly.

“Connor Bedard. What was that?”

He smiles proudly, kissing you once again, just longer and harder. Once he pulls away you’re dazed, a love-struck look in your eyes, and if you could, you would have hearts in your eyes.

“I don’t even know, just felt like kissin’ you, and I think I was on like an adrenaline rush or something.”

You laughed and nodded at him with an amused look, cupping his face with your hands. His family absolutely loved you two, they had been waiting for the day you guys admitted you liked each other since the 2018 8th-grade dance.

They saw how you brought Connor out of his shell, and how incredibly happy you made him. You declared where you would be attending college the night of the draft lottery, for no apparent reason of course. The University of Chicago was a school you were always interested in, but Connor in Chicago meant that much more to you.

After hours of hanging out and celebrating you guys were finally back at the hotel. You showered after Connor finished up and then after you were standing at the sink, pajamas on as you did your skincare.

For the second time that day, Connor came into the bathroom, wrapping his arms around you. You looked at him through the mirror, smiling softly. Connor looked at you and saw everything he wanted. He felt so excited to be able to have you with him in the Windy City. He knew he was only 17, but thoughts of you being his wife crossed his mind.

You finished up in the bathroom and you both went back out to the room, the door between the two rooms you had was ajar, allowing his parents to keep watch of you two if they needed to. They trusted you both deeply, but you were still two teenagers sharing a bed, so.

You both snuggled up on your bed, and you scrolled through Twitter and Tiktok looking at things about the draft and Connor and your relationship. You had become a small meme among the hockey girl fandom, the video of Connor kissing you and then your reaction going viral.

There were so so so many kind comments, commenting on your beauty and smile, and how happy you made Connor look. He was very happy with how the night went, which made you happy obviously.

You both eventually fell asleep, only after whispering for hours about how everything is gonna be in Chicago, how much fun you think it’ll be. You played with Connor’s hair while his breathing slowed, his grip around you tightening.

You knew that no matter where Connor went, you would go too as long as he wanted you there. And he always would want you there. You were everything to him, you and hockey were what kept him going.

#connor bedard #connor bedard x reader #connor bedard imagine #chicago #chicago blackhawks #blackhawks #nhl blackhawks #blackhawks hockey #chicago blackhawks x reader #connor bedard blurb #nhl x reader #nhl fanfiction #nhl draft #nhl draft 2023 #hockey #nhl

[e-hv]

Why

This is a repost cause i deleted all my fics

part 2

Major warning if you have mommy issues or daddy issues or parental neglect issues pls do not read this

and if you do read this pls don't blame me for anything, including but not limited to excessive crying/sobbing, a depression slump/ wanting to kill someone or anything else

Or if you're name Sarah

Alexia Putellas X Child!Reader

Tw: Negelct, Angst

Summary: Why does she not keep her promises

"Why do I keep reaching out to you, hoping for some semblance of acknowledgment, only to be met with silence and indifference?

“Mami, I made it into the school’s football team.” Ten year old you was very excited to tell Alexia that you made the football team. She was on her computer watching replays of her matched yesterday, she promised you she would fetch you from school toady but instead of her your helper was there. But you told yourself it was okay because Mami was busy and you could just tell her the good news when you got home. When you told her the news, she looked at you and asked you not to bother her while she was working, and that she’ll talk to you during dinner. So you went to your room to do your schoolwork. When you finally finish all your school work and extra revision, you went out of your room to find your Mami,but she wasn’t there so you asked your helper. She said Alexia, went out to meet up with friends. After dinner, you decide to wait up for her and read a book in the mean time, by the time she got backed you were almost done with the book and was really sleepy. But you still ran up to her and greet her, she pushed you away telling you that she was too tired and went to her room to sleep. You went back to your room, sitting on your bed, holding your book tightly, you couldn't help but wonder why Mami didn't seem to care about you. Why did she always ignore you when you just wanted her to notice you and be proud of you? Why did you keep trying to talk to her, hoping she would finally pay attention to you, even though she never did?

Tears welled up in your eyes as you whispered to yourself, "Why couldn’t she be proud of me like the moms in the stories are of their children?”

Why do I continue to bend over backwards to fulfill your every request, knowing deep down that you're just putting on a facade for others?

“Mami, can I go to the arcade with my friends it’s the last day of school, and we want to do something fun together.” You were now eleven, older then ten but still young enough to think Alexia could change. Alexia had just came home from training,but she was on the phone with someone so she told you to quiet down. You sighed and walked to your room to put down your bag and change into something comfortable. You decide to do your work as you thought if you finished it your Mami would let you go out with your friends. When you heard Alexia said her goodbyes to whoever was on the phone. You opened your room door and called for her, and reapeated the question adding in the fact that you finished your school work. She said you weren’t allowed to go out today and you could go out with them tomorrow instead, you tried to explain to her that most of your friends would be out of the country but she said you shouldn’t argue with her as she was your mother, and that she had a reason for saying no. You asked her what the reason was and she said her teammates were coming over for teambuilding and she wanted you to help bring them drinks and buy food and snacks for them. You just nodded your head and said yes knowing there was no use arguing. By the time you got back her teammates were already there, you heard her teammate, Ingrid, compliment how good you are. But your Mami just dismissed it and said that it was just how you were. Her other teammate Lucia asked her if you played football, Alexia laughed and said she didn’t think so. Feeling a lump form in your throat, you dropped the bag of snacks to the floor, causing concern from the adults. You assured them you were fine and quietly announced to your mom that you were going to bed, your heart heavy with disappointment and a growing understanding of the reality of your relationship.

When you stepped into your room, the weight of disappointment and frustration became too much to bear. You collapsed onto your bed, letting the tears flow freely as you allowed yourself to finally break down. The floodgates of emotion opened, releasing the pent-up feelings of rejection, loneliness, and hurt that you had been holding back. With each sob, you felt a little bit of the burden lift from your shoulders, yet the ache in your heart remained, a constant reminder of the unmet longing for your mother's love and approval.

Why do I lie to those around me, insisting that your absence isn't your fault, when I know it is?

“Miss Sánchez, my mom can’t make it to my graduation, because she has some work issues.”

You were now 12 and graduating from Primary school, you knew you weren’t telling the truth but it was technically not a lie either. Your teacher asked if you wanted her to speak to your mom to ask her to come but you said it was okay and you knew your mom was busy that day. Your best friend, Zoe, did not believe you and asked you to tell her why your mom couldn’t come. You told her that she was just busy and that it wasn’t her fault because she was the captain and she had to help her teammates. Zoe said it was bullshit, and you agreed but you just couldn’t bring yourself to say it after all she was still your mom. Zoe asked you again why she actually couldn’t come and you finally told her the truth, that your Mom was training another girl the same age as you, and that the girls graduation was the same day as yours but her parents couldn’t make it so your mom promised the girl she would go instead. When the day of the graduation came, you didn’t even see Alexia in the morning as she said she was going to get breakfast with the girl, you looked in the mirror and thought to yourself,” Why didn’t she remember or keep or the promises she made for me but keeps the promises she makes for this girl. She didn’t even remember the fact she promise you she would be at your graduation, two weeks ago.”

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the day you'd confront her, letting the anger and hurt fuel your determination to rise above her absence. You knew you deserved better, and you vowed to become stronger, despite her shortcomings. Why do I constantly make excuses for your shortcomings, even though you never bother to show up for me?

And you... why do you harbor such animosity towards me that you refuse to even acknowledge my existence anymore?

“Hey, have you talk to your mom about the road trip yet?” Zoe asked. You said you haven’t had the time to, but the truth was your Mom was spending more time with Elena the girl whose graduation she went to and missed yours as a consequence, and hadn’t been talking to you for about a week , if you were still twelve you would have been sobbing your eyes out but you were now thirteen and realize what your mom was truly like to you. The only interaction you had was when she gave you money or you gave her something to sign, not that you didn’t try on your part you send her messages asking her if she wanted to go out for breakfast, lunch, dinner or even to just kick the ball around but she didn’t see it much less respond to it or said yes. You even resorted to leaving notes on the table but when you came back home instead of seeing a reply the note was in the trash. You were very sure she wouldn’t even notice your gone as the road trip was only for a week, and you wanted to test out your theory. So you asked her to give you a weeks worth of allowance when you finally saw her and agreed, probably because it meant she wouldn’t have to interact more with you.

When you came back from the road trip, you found that your theory was sadly accurate. Your mom hadn't even noticed you were gone. There were no inquiries about your trip, no excitement to hear about your adventures, no concern for your well-being. It was as if you had never left.

At first, the realization stung. You couldn't understand why your own mother seemed to harbor such animosity towards you, why she couldn't spare a moment to acknowledge your existence. But as the days passed, you began to accept the truth: your relationship with your mom was not what you had hoped it would be. She was more invested in Elena, more interested in her life and her accomplishments, than she was in yours.

It hurt, of course it did. But you were thirteen now, no longer the naive twelve-year-old who believed that her mom's love and attention were guaranteed. You knew better. And so, with a heavy heart but a steely resolve, you made a silent vow to yourself: you wouldn't waste any more time trying to win your mom's affection.

What did I do to deserve such disdain from my own flesh and blood?

“I didn’t do anything wrong Mom, she tried to take my necklace!” You tried explaining to your , mom. But she didn’t listen to you instead taking away your necklace and giving it to Elena, and telling her to go to the living room. Elena acted like an angel in front of her saying it was okay but when she walked out and your mom’s back was facing towards her she gave you a smirk as if saying now you know who she loves more. You tried explaining the situation again, but your mom said she didn’t want to listen to you and that she was so disappointed that she raised such a selfish and jealous daughter. You wanted to protest and state your case but you gave up knowing there was no point, you were now fourteen you told yourself it would just be four years until your out of this emotional hell hole and you would be with the person who treated you like her actual daughter. The person who gave you the necklace Elena took.

What flaw in me is so repulsive that you would rather speak to her than to me, your own daughter?

“Mom, can I talk to you about football tatics,?” you asked. You asked Alexia about football tactics, hoping to bond over something you both enjoyed, but she brushed you off, claiming she was too busy. You said it was okay and continued to read, when you heard the phone ring, Alexia had answered with a “Hola,Pequeña” and you knew she was talking to Elena, as Elena was the only one she called Pequeña, she defiteniley didn’t call you that or anyother nickname in the first place. Hell she doesn’t even acknowlege your her daughter unless she’s scolding you and telling you how she couldn’t believe she raised you.

Feeling rejected once again, you retreated to your room, wondering what flaw in you was so repulsive that your own mother would rather speak to someone else.

You lay on your bed, staring at the ceiling, the weight of her indifference pressing down on you like a heavy blanket.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you tried to make sense of the situation, to understand what was so wrong with you that she would rather speak with her instead. But you went to your bathroom wipe your tears, and reminded your self you were now fifteen and that when you were twelve you vowed to yourself that you would no longer allow Alexia's indifference to define you.

And despite all the hurt and disappointment you've caused, why do I still cling to the hope that one day, you'll finally be there for me, even though you've never shown any inclination to do so in the past?

“Mom, I have an important football match today, can you come to support me?” You asked, your voice tinged with a flicker of hope despite the years of disappointment weighing heavy on your heart.

Alexia glanced up from her phone, her expression distant as she muttered something about being busy and needing to focus on her and Elena’s own training. The familiar sting of rejection pierced through you once again, but you quickly masked your disappointment with a forced smile.

Deep down, you knew better than to expect her to show up. You knew the pattern all too well — your mother's absence, her lack of interest in your life, her constant prioritization of others over you. But still, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, a small part of you clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, this time would be different.

As you made your way to the football field, your heart heavy with the weight of unmet expectations, you tried to push aside the nagging doubts and convince yourself that today would be the day she finally showed up for you. But deep down, you knew the truth — that no matter how much you wished for her presence, she would never be there to cheer you on, to celebrate your victories, or to comfort you in your defeats.

And yet, despite all the hurt and disappointment she had caused, despite the countless times she had let you down, you couldn't help but cling to the hope that one day, she would finally be there for you. It was a hope born from a deep-seated longing for a mother's love and approval, a hope that refused to die despite the harsh reality of your relationship. Even though you promise yousrelf that you would stop, but this was her last chance, you were now seventeen but was turning eighteen soon and she didn’t take it, so you knew your decision.

After the game, that you won, you looked into the stands even though you knew no one would be there to your surprise, the women you met at a match your mom played, who then became the person who treated you like her actual daughter was there.

Her warm smile and enthusiastic applause filled you with a sense of validation and belonging that you had longed for but never received from your own mother.

As you made your way over to her, she enveloped you in a tight hug, congratulating you on your victory and praising your performance on the field and telling you that she couldn’t wait until you joined her to play in arsenal. The person who treated you like her actual daughter and the person you call Ma when you talked to, was Leah Williamson. In that moment, surrounded by her genuine affection and support, you felt a sense of relief wash over you — a sense of relief that you no longer needed to rely on your mother's approval to feel valued and loved.

I just wish one day I'll have enough courage to let go of the futile longing for your love and acceptance, and to find the strength to accept that you may never change, no matter how much I yearn for your presence in my life.

“You ready to go yet?” Your Ma asked you. You told her to give you a few minutes, you look around your now barren room, all the memories flooding back.

The first time you made it into a football team,

"Mom, I made it into the school’s football team."

"That's nice, honey," Alexia replied absentmindedly, her eyes glued to the screen.

"But you promised you'd pick me up today," you reminded her, your excitement dampened by her lack of attention.

"I know, sweetie, but something came up. The helper will take care of you," she said, barely sparing you a glance.

Disappointed but hopeful, you waited until dinner to share your news, hoping for a moment of connection.

"Not now, I'm busy," Alexia brushed you off, immersed in her work.

Crestfallen, you retreated to your room, the weight of her indifference pressing down on you.

"Why doesn’t she care?" you whispered to yourself, tears welling in your eyes. "Why can't she just be proud of me?"

The last day of school when you were eleven,

"Mami, can I go to the arcade with my friends? It’s the last day of school," you asked, longing for a moment of fun.

"Not today, darling," Alexia replied, her attention divided between you and her phone call.

"But I finished all my work," you protested, desperate for her approval.

"I said no. End of discussion," she declared, her tone final.

Defeated, you resigned yourself to another night at home, your heart heavy with disappointment.

Your graduation when you were twelve,

"Mom, why can't you come to my graduation?" you asked, masking the hurt in your voice.

"I have a work commitment, sweetie," Alexia replied, her words ringing hollow.

"But you promised," you whispered, the weight of her broken promises crushing you.

As the day of your graduation arrived, you watched as Alexia left to attend another girl's ceremony, leaving you behind.

"Why does she always choose someone else over me?" you wondered, the sting of rejection burning deep.

When Elena took your necklace, and she took her side,

"I didn’t do anything wrong, Mom," you insisted, your voice trembling with emotion.

"I don't want to hear it," Alexia cut you off, her disappointment palpable.

"Why won't you listen to me?" you pleaded, tears streaming down your cheeks.

As you stood in your room, the silence echoed around you, a painful reminder of your mother's absence.

"Mom, please," you begged, your voice breaking with emotion.

But there was no answer, only the emptiness of your own heartache.

With all this memories flooding back to you, you decided to write her a letter,

Dear Alexia,

As you can see i’m no longer calling you mom. Since I was ten i’ve been making excuses as to why you didn’t care for me, I remember the times when I reached out to you, hoping for even a semblance of acknowledgment, only to be met with silence and indifference. Like when I excitedly told you I made it into the school's football team, only to have you brush me off, too busy with your own affairs to spare a moment for me. Or when I asked if I could go to the arcade with my friends, hoping for a moment of fun together, only to be shut down without a second thought.

I've bent over backwards to fulfill your every request, hoping against hope that maybe this time, you would see me, truly see me, and be proud of me. But time and time again, I've been met with disappointment and heartache.

I've lied to those around me, insisting that your absence isn't your fault, when deep down, I know it is. I've made excuses for your shortcomings, trying to shield you from judgment, even though you've never bothered to show up for me.

And I've wondered, time and time again, what flaw in me is so repulsive that you would rather speak to someone else than to me, your own daughter. I've cried myself to sleep, wondering why you harbor such animosity towards me, why you refuse to even acknowledge my existence anymore.

But despite all the hurt and disappointment you've caused, I still cling to the hope that one day, you'll finally be there for me. That one day, you'll see me for who I am and love me unconditionally, just like in the stories.

But I've come to realize that hope can be a dangerous thing, especially when it's placed in someone who may never change. So I'm writing this letter to let you know that I no longer need to cling to that hope. I no longer need to yearn for your love and acceptance, because I've found it elsewhere.

I've found it in the woman who treated me like her own daughter, who was there for me when you weren't. I've found it in the friends who have stood by me through thick and thin. And most importantly, I've found it within myself.

I hope that I have fulfil your wished that I no longer disappoint you as I’m no longer your problem or yours’s anymore as I finally have enough courage to let go of the futile longing for your love and acceptance, and to find the strength to accept that you may never change, no matter how much I yearn for your presence in my life

So ,

this is goodbye

Sincerely,

Y/N

#angst #liquidation writes #woso soccer #woso fanfics #woso #woso community #fc barca femeni #womens football #woso imagine #alexia putellas angst #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas x reader #alexia x reader #alexia putellas

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen, sorry for dumping a big rant in your askbox but your blog has helped me figure out my identity and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life lol. Feel free to delete if this is too weird.

So I’m a 17 y/o butch, and I have been masculine since I was a little kid. I always felt lucky to have a family that was generally okay with my gender nonconformity. They treated it like a cute quirk of mine, and I never felt like I was being judged or that I should change the way I am around them. My dad got a kick out of it. One summer he let me help him build the deck in our backyard. He always took me to baseball games, he dressed me up in his old clothes, basically treated me like I was his son and I loved it.

I feel like as I get older, my masculinity becomes less acceptable. I went to visit my paternal grandmother for the holidays, hadn’t seen her in a few years, and the first thing she said to me was “I thought you would’ve grown out of all that by now” (in reference to my haircut and outfit, I think.) I just don’t know how to react to the way my extended family treats me now. They used to be totally fine with it, but I spent my entire Christmas feeling like I was being judged for every little thing.

Like, what’s changed? Why is it cute and funny when a little girl wears boy’s clothes and wrestles with her cousins, but disgusting when I grow up and settle into my masculinity?

It’s like I’ve crossed the invisible line between being a tomboy and being a dyke, and now no one wants to entertain it anymore.

Again, sorry for the rant haha, I just feel like I’m going crazy because I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice them acting any different, but I swear my aunt spent half of our Christmas dinner telling me how pretty I would be if I just wore a bit of makeup lmaoo. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, because I’m feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks, and happy holidays!

It is not weird at all. I hear that young lesbians, particularly butches, do not have older role models to bounce ideas off of or vent or get any perspective on certain experiences. Moms and Dads and straight sisters and cousins, no matter how well meaning, will just not always "get" what is happening. They say things like "we love you no matter what" and "we don't care if you are a lesbian" and they mean it, mostly. But they often don't see the subtle clues (or blatant ones)they toss around that indicates how uncomfortable they are with you being so visible, but just existing as you naturally are.

AND OH MY GOSH yes I have experienced exactly what you are talking about with the deepening judgement as you move from a cute little Tomboy to an adult butch women. It is almost like they hope to "catch it early" when we are in our teens and redirect us away from the "danger" of being a visible lesbian. And a woman who does not, in very overt ways, conform to their idea of how a woman should be and act.

My dad was relatively consistent in treating me pretty much like he would a son and, to his credit, he did so with my straight sister. We were allowed to do just about anything my older brothers did. In part because my sister was pretty strong willed but also a lot like him. I was less strong willed but she had mowed the path.

Mom was the one who was forever concerned about my looks and behavior, both out of worry I would not fit in, and because she had a certain expectation of how her daughter should grow up. Both normal Mom reactions. She understood bullies and knew that sticking out could be difficult. Her solution was not to strengthen my resilience but to attempt to "tone me down". Her efforts increased as I made the jump from kid to teen and into my late teens. She would discourage me from cutting my hair, becoming almost angry when I brought it up. She would tell me how lovely I was in dresses and skirts and say thing like " a little make up would be nice". It got really old. It lead to us not always getting along even though I loved and respected my mom. She was a great mom. But this one thing made us both crazy. She could not cool it and I could not change who I was.

Friends at school saw hints of my liking girls. I stopped wearing cowboy boots and my favorite horse buckle and it their place went with K Mart Tennis shoes and a generic belt that came with my pants, again, from Kmart. I put away the cowboy fringed shirts and flannel and went with simple jeans and sweatshirts, the acceptable attire for boys and girls in my rural high school. I kept my hair long to disguise my "looking like a boy" traits.

I (barf) agreed to date a boy and spent the better part of that time making excuses to not kiss him or spent time with him. I was starting to listen to mom and do my best to hide ME from the world. Anything (with in reason) to throw the world off the scent, the scent of me being a lesbian. Being butch made that one more step difficult.

It is hard to hide the space we take up naturally.

It might seem hard to see it now by your family is slightly well intentioned, knowing that being "seen" easily as a lesbian can be dangerous. But also, they are uncomfortable with your energy and physical presence because it does not coincide with their ideas of what a woman acts, feels and moves like. This is a THEM problem and I can give you words of comfort based on experience.

The more you begin to be you, and dress in what gives you comfort the more your confidence will grow and be evident. People who are emboldened to try and change you for their own comfort tend to back way off when there is no opening for their opinions. They just sort of realize they are wasting time. AND for those that don't, there are always a few, you don't have to give them any air or acknowledgement. You get to let them waste time and energy while you look great in whatever you wish to wear and however you wish to cut your hair. And in a wonderful turn around, you don't have to spend any effort just being you or trying to defend or correct them.

You are fast approaching adulthood and with that will come even more freedom and independence. Don't rush it but also, work towards that.

#butch #lesbian #family #unwanted opinions of family

[yanderelovlies]

✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!

I’m doing good. Sorry I didn’t respond for a day. I was really busy that day and hardly had energy to respond! Are you well?

We all need some Joseph in our lives. Also did you see the new designs for the sunny day Jack characters? What’s your opinion and also what’s your favorite artsyle for the characters? I like the second phase the best. They look the best in that.

Yes like I actually forgot what a noun and a verb is and I feel so stupid. Have faith dude you have great work!

At least you stood your ground and that must’ve been awkward I would’ve said no and try to escape as fast as I can.

Thanks I really hope so too. Honestly I know this isn’t the worst situation at least my other co workers leave me alone and don’t antagonize me or anything

Nice. Though I will see if I could do it since my mom is home when I am and she doesn’t know about all of this and definitely would not approve. Also because I usually don’t share my discord since it’s very private to me. I mean only one person I know has my information there and I also suck at discord since I don’t know what the hell I’m doing so I have to think about to share my discord with you. No offense just it’s very private to me. She must’ve seen some shit because people come with weird injuries sometimes or even brutal ones. Oh yeah cuts are scary sometimes especially since I never seen it but one I heard a kid had a cut so bad that you could see the bone and apparently he didn’t even cry. Fucking nightmare fuel there.

That had to be a bitch honestly. Since you had to be a parent in a young age you had less time for school and even less for personal time which everyone needs. That’s actually concerning since lots would get suspicious at this point. Then again if they intervened they mostly wouldn’t care why just the fact you kissed school and think you’re a trouble kid or something. Yeah it adds up since doing both really can put a burden and a heavy load on someone. Wish I could’ve done that because kids are mean as hell but man that must’ve been a lot of days. It’s no problem at all, you deserve to have a listening ear and be able to get that weight off your chest. Thanks viví I will when I’m ready since not to mention I will delete my current account but no worries it’s just to make a new one to start fresh honestly.

Guess we have the fic to thank for this poll and now we getting more smutty works~ Hey I think it’s good, one of the best I’ve seen in this fandom.

It's okay galaxy take the time you need. Life can get busy I'm just glad you are okay 💕 um today wasn't my best day, but I'm sure it will be better tomorrow.

I did! Personally I think they are all so nicely done, and it's so amazing how they've improved over time. I won't lie I really love the current style. It's so pretty and eye-catching.

I've done that before it was so fucking embarrassing lmao. Also thank you dear 💕

It was at first and I felt bad, but I was having a hard time there and I couldn't stay longer then what I had to.

That's true. I hope it stays that way.

That's no problem at all! If you don't feel comfortable with giving discord I totally get it. It was really just a silly suggestion 💕. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Yeah she has seen some shit, and she isn't afraid to share stories. Even when she talks about them I cringe and she just laughs at me lol.

It did take a tole more long-term honestly. Let's just say I'm socially awkward in person and get terrible anxiety in public. I've gotten better thanks to the effort, but I still have a hard time making friends. So when I lost my group recently it's been hard. It's no problem galaxy take all the time you need. I'll be here 💕💕

I'm excited to share them when they are ready tbh.

#vivi talks #galaxy anon

[queerlifevents]

Entry #1:

I often find myself drifting into the dark corners of my mind when I think about the next intimate encounter I have with my gf. We haven’t been together for very long but every time we cross over into sex I avoid being on the receiving end. It’s not because I’m a “touch me not” or anything like that. I just struggle with being that intimate with her. I enjoy pleasing her immensely yet when she hints at it being “my turn” I wanna just crawl into a hole. The few times she’s tried to please me have resulted in me breaking down in tears completely. Something in me just breaks. The frustration of not fully knowing what’s “wrong” with me stays in the back of my mind as she tries to help me climax. Of course, with no success and I feel horrible and empty.

“How can you know how to please others and not yourself?”

A question that echoes loudly in my mind.

“How did I get to this point?”

Well, it kinda starts back with my previous relationship of 2.5 years. I was with a man and had intentions of marrying him but there were several glaring issues that kept me from being truly happy with him. The main two being our sex life and disrespecting boundaries. The man I loved and viewed as my best friend over time became someone that I started to despise.

Any issues and concerns that I tried to bring up were often thrown back in my face. Any time that I’d try to open up the conversation for him to voice any concerns he’d say “no, I don’t have/can’t think of any”. However, that was far from the case. As soon as I made a critique about something he’d done that really bothered me he’d start listing the issues he suddenly now has with me. After a while , I’d simply shut down when things bothered me or get angry. It felt like the only time he really “listened” was when I’d cry. The conversation would typically end with him apologizing, saying he’d do better but his actions routinely feel short of any real change. I tried countless times to explain to him how things made me feel but it felt like talking to brick wall. Any boundaries I tried to set like no nudes or not asking my mom for my hand in marriage before meeting everyone in person were broken. The latter turned out to be my final straw with him and again, he’d say that he didn’t see what the problem was or just get angry because I’m not “over it” yet even though he apologized. Even after the split, I still tried to be cordial with him but boundaries STILL weren’t respected. It took me months to realize that once he couldn’t get what he wanted from me, he would block me on social media. Only to resurface sometime later to start the same bs again. It was always under the pretense of just wanting to catch up with a friend. Only after realizing what was happening, did I actually block him on everything. I’m sad to admit that it wasn’t until after meeting my gf that I could delete the pics of him and I together. Why not sooner? The reason is simple. I was over being with him romantically but I had a hard time letting go of our friendship. It takes me a VERY long time to trust people so to lose someone I’ve known for 3 years hurt like hell.

Honestly, given my “new” inability to receive pleasure from my gf, the sex turned out to be the biggest problem of all. It started off as fun and passionate (despite me not orgasming) yet slowly turned into me feeling like a sex doll. He would orgasm but never really asked me if I was okay or if I needed more time to orgasm. I remember breaking down in tears immediately after having sex and telling him that I felt empty because my pleasure wasn’t really ever considered. At this point, we had been together for a year. I definitely shouldn’t have waited so long to tell him that but he was the first guy I had been that intimate with and I was afraid of hurting his feelings. Eventually, those emotions did boil over and I think that was the beginning of the end of our sex life. Over the course of the next few months, we tried to spice things up with different positions and a couple toys here and there but nothing really worked for long. I think that this took a huge toll on his confidence. To the point where, he couldn’t “keep it up” or orgasm at all. I started to feel even worse about things and internalized it as being completely my fault. It got to the point that I avoided sex and him for weeks or months at a time which wasn’t hard to do because of our hectic Army schedules and we didn’t live together. He would make little comments or jokes about how long it’s been since we had sex. It had gotten to the point where we would argue about it. I just felt trapped. Fortunately, my time in the Army was coming to an end and I used my degree plan as a way to get out of the relationship without him realizing what the real reasons for me ending things were.

Fast forward a year and some change later, I met my gf. She’s literally the best thing that’s happened to me since I left the service and now I’m afraid of pushing her away because of my issues having sex. She often tells me that it’s ok and we don’t have to have sex if I don’t want to. “I like spending time and connecting with you whether sex is involved or not.” I want to fully believe her when she tells me this. I REALLY do but my ex said something similar too and I saw how much it destroyed him not being able to please me over time. I’m just scared that she’ll eventually leave me or I push her away because I can’t figure this shit out. Even just writing this makes me feel like an emotional wreck. If anyone has any advice on what I should do that would be incredibly helpful.

Simply,

- M

#wlw love #queer #queer chronicles #wlw #intimacy issues #lgbt #lgbt issues

[deru-shigaraki]

Yandere Leviathan (obey me one shot)~Smut warning

You weren't happy with the arrangement. It was ridiculous that your mother was moving in with her new boyfriend so soon. Not that you didn't believe that she was happy. You've never seen your mom act this way. She was like a dizzy teenager, so love struck. Their honeymoon phase was striking hard and it cute yet somewhat disturbing. You hadn't minded them spending all of their time together. It gave you the opportunity to indulge in a new found freedom. Your mother used to be fixated on your social life, making it hard for you to do your own thing. However that beautiful privilege was going to be taken from you. It was cold the evening you had finally gotten settled in. You weren't the type to complain. You were a go with the flow type of girl. However going from your usual carefree lifestyle to having to share a room with someone was the icing on the top of a fucked up cake. Leviathan was the son of a friend of your mothers boyfriend. He had been staying with him for a few years due to family drama. When you ended up coming to stay as well, there were no other rooms, meaning that the two of you, practically strangers, had to share a living space. You had met Leviathan multiple times before, but it could hardly be considered meeting, given the fact that he hadn't made any effort into speaking to you. Even now as you made busy organizing your side of the room, he only glanced. You realized really quick that he rarely took his eyes off his game, but when he did, his glaze was fixed on you. It was creepy to say the least. You didn't like him already, and him acting creepy wasn't helping you adjust at all. Levi did his schooling online, meaning that when you left for classes during the day, he stayed behind. It hadn't crossed your mind that something weird could happen until you started noticing that a few of your things had gone missing. Articles of clothing mostly. You doubted he was stealing your clothes to wear them so you had dismissed it as being your imagination but even so, it placed a heavy bit of doubt in you. Coming home from school was always awkward. Both of the adults worked late and then would stay out together even later, meaning that it was just the two of you for hours until you went to bed. Today was no different. You sat in your bed, reading a book. Levi was on the floor in front of his tv, playing video games peacefully until the my hero academia theme song sounded off on his phone. You chuckled at his cute ringtone. He blushed lightly, glaring at you as he answered. "That mom and dad?" You asked and he shook his head standing up. "Girlfriend." He muttered before leaving the room for more privacy. You didn't think anything of it. You knew that he had a long distance relationship with some chick on the internet. That was it. He wasn't much of a talker in the first place so opening up about his love life wasn't something you had expected. Much like the sob that interrupted your chapter. You looked up from your paper back and stare in the direction of the slightly cracked door. Out in the hall you could hear Leviathan's voice. You were surprised, never hearing him get so loud. His tone was distressed, whatever she was telling him must not have been good. You didn't want to eavesdrop but a part of you was way too interested in what was going down. You put a piece of scrap paper into your book and set it down before sliding off of your bed silently. You didn't want to alert him. It would just be a little listen and then you'd hurry back to your bed before he even knew it. Though you wish you hadn't had that idea. You couldn't quite make out with what his girlfriend was saying but after hearing Leviathan response with: "Why? What have I done? Please don't do this! Think about it, you love me, and I love you." Listening was one thing you could have scolded yourself on, but you ignored even that and took a peak out the cracked door. Leviathan was pacing back and fourth, his body trembling in what you guessed as anger or maybe intense sadness. As soon as the call was over, he dropped his phone before balling his hand into a fist, striking the wall with an aggressive punch. You gasped as he repeated the action, again and again. As soon as he started to use both of his hands, you decided enough was enough. You rushed out into the hall way and grabbed his shoulder. He pushed you back. "Stay away from me brat!" He shouted and you paused. Your eyes were wide, staring at his bruising knuckles. You glanced back and forth from his hands to his eyes, feeling like you were about to cry with him. Leviathan sighed, closing his eyes and tucking his hands in his hoodie pockets. He muttered an apology before pushing past you, entering the room. You followed him, not trying to get in his face but you wanted to help, or at least wanted to know the drama. Leviathan was laying down on his bed, body sprawled out on his back. He was obviously suffering over what had happened. You weren't exactly sure what you were going to do about it. You sat yourself next to him. He glared at you before reaching up to cover his face with his hands. He tried to hide his wet eyes and red face but you could clearly see the way he was trembling. You didn't want him to be upset. It was going to be a few hours before you were going to bed and you didn't want to have to sit an awkwardness. You scooted closer to him before laying down next to your roommate. You waited a moment before speaking. "Sooo, do you wanna talk about it?" You asked and her growled before turning over onto his side, facing away from you. He gave a few angry sniffles before letting his guard drop just a small bit. "My girlfriend broke up with me..." You gave a little nod to yourself. "Yep...Do you-" "She said I was too clingy! How!?" Levi rolled over, startling you as he continued. "How could I be controlling her from across the ocean?! How big does she think My bank account is that she's accusing me of hacking her phone!?" You attempted to throw in your two sense, however he wasn't giving you the chance, continuing to get worked up, his body was leaning into your personal space more and more. "It's not hacking if I correctly guess a password to something!" You quirked an eyebrow, slightly amused by his tantrum. Leviathan then started getting a little too close, his leg swinging over your body. "If I was hacking her, she would have never even known!" He added, now straddling your hips. For you that was crossing the line and you had reached up to push him off before he caught your hands in his. "I would have done anything for her! I deleted her friends to protect her, I leveled up by body!" He growled the last part, lifting up his shirt, surprising you with actual abs underneath his layers of clothes. He forced your hand up against him and your face flushed with confusion as well as embarrassment. "This was going to be hers." He tipped his head back in thought, closing his eyes and moaning softly. His fingers were firm, holding your hand securely against his body. You were starting to shake, not sure how to react to this. Your mouth twitched, wondering what to say. He was getting a bit lost in his own mind. His hips were relaxing into you, making you feel even more uncomfortable. You had to stop this, it felt out of place, wrong even. You cleared your throat and pulled your hand away from him. As this he responded with a look of realization. He looked down at you for a moment before sighing deeply and dropping his hoodie. "I'm sorry...." He dropped his upper body down, his arms holding him up as he stared down into your face. You nibbled at your bottom lip. "It's fine, Just try and take your mind off of it, how about we play your games or something?" You suggested and his cheeks brightened up. "You'd play with me?" His voice cracked slightly, but you pretended not to hear it. He sat up, rushing to get controllers for the two of you. It was possibly the oddest night of your life. Levi was attached to your hip, leaning up against you while you both played on the tv. It wasn't that bad, you figured he just needed a friend to get his mind off of the breakup. It wasn't that much of a hassle to look after him. It only started getting really weird when it was getting later into the night. You were feeling a bit sleepy and he noticed. "Bed?" He asked and you nodded, standing up, and grabbing a set of clothes to change into. You went to the bathroom, slipping on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Coming back you caught a glimpse of Levi stripping. You scolded yourself for peaking. It was so wrong to spy on him. You just couldn't believe that he was that fit. You never seen him exercise, where did that body come from. You waited for him to put on something more than a tee shirt and boxers. After a minute or so of him just waiting there, you realized that he wasn't planning on putting on pants. You were confused as to what he was up to. He always slept with a hoodie and sweatpants. This was the least amount go clothes you've ever seen him in. Not only that but he was also fixing his hair. It was incredibly strange but that didn't stop you from walking in to your room. You tried to act like you didn't notice his eyes staring at you as you crawled into your bed. He stood there, in the middle of your room, rubbing at his wrist nervously. You laid there on top of your covers waiting. "Um...You can turn off the lights, I'm just gonna crash-" "Could we talk some more?...I mean if you wanna sleep that's fine, But I'd like to vent a bit more." Your eye twitched, out of exaughstion and of slight concern as to where this was going to go. You decided not to be rude and said sure. Much to your surprise he slapped the lights off and threw himself into your bed, his body scooting in close to you. His face was blushing as hard as yours was. "Wouldn't you be more comfy on your own bed? Mine is kinda small." You suggested but he didn't make a move to get up. He only scooted towards you, pressing his legs against yours. You closed your eyes, tight at first, just embarrassed by him acting weird towards you. However after awhile you found yourself leaning into his hand as he stroked you hair, opening your legs so that he could tangle his with yours. You were far too sleepy to put up much of a fight as he wrapped himself around you, hugging you in your sleep. It was warm, so warm and so comfy. Your head against his chest, his heart beat steady and soothing. You passed out soon after he started to hum to you. In the morning you woke up alone. You sat up and rubbed your eyes, for a split second wondering if maybe you had dreamt up that whole thing. You carried on with your morning runtime. Gettin ready for school, putting on makeup, getting dressed, doing your hair. It seemed like a normal morning, until you walked down the stairs. The smell hit you instantly. The sweet aroma of syrup and the yummy scent of waffles greeted you as you entered the kitchen. You were completely shocked seeing Levi standing there. He had his back turned to you, unloading waffles from the maker. He was listening to a soft anime soundtrack playlist as he cooked. He was wearing the boxers he had slept in, but now he had on a shirt. When he finally turned, you realized that he also had on an apron as well. It was a purple one, a shade lighter than his hair. He had a plate of waffles in one hand and a bowl of fruit in the other. "MC! You're up! Good, I just finished breakfast." He set the food down, offering you syrup and a glass of juice. You sat down, a little concerned with his rapid change of pace. He was never up this early, you had stepped over his sleeping body a dozen times before in the morning, yet here he was. For no reason that you could see other than that he wanted to feed you. You watched as he made you a plate. He took his time in placing fruits in certain spots in your waffles, covering them with syrup. He then set the plate in front of you, taking the seat beside you. You reached for your fork, noticing how Levi was staring at you. Trying not to let it bother you, you just started to eating. After a few moments of stuffing your face and looking at your phone you looked up, Levi coughing you off guard. He leaned into you, closing his eyes as he licked the side of your mouth. You panicked, pushing him back and getting off of your chair to avoid him. Levi also stood and rushed towards you. "MC, What's wrong?!" He looked concerned, trying to get close to you, but you refused to let him in your space. You circled the kitchen's counter. "N-no, stay back." You told him and Levi gave a hurt expression, his hands holding his chest as if you had stabbed him in the chest. "You're...mad at me?" His voice was quivering, almost making you feel sorry, but you couldn't. "You licked me." You hissed, crossing your arms over your chest. Levi frowned. "I was just..." He brought his hand up to his forehead, rubbing it angrily. As he continued to speak, you noticed how his voice was getting lower, almost more threatening. He cleared his throat, eyes closed tight as if he was trying to hold back a ton of aggression, and yet you could hear the frustration in his voice. "I'm sorry..." He spit out, taking a breath, finally looking up at you with glossy eyes. He slowly started to inch closer towards you. "You just looked so, cute...I couldn't help it." He mumbled and you shook your head. "N-no, Levi, come on. You're being really weird, I'm just gonna go to school ok-" "No! You can't." He rushed towards you. You weren't fast enough to escape, his hands gripping your wrist, as he used his body to force you up against the wall. You yelped, hitting your head, not too hard but you cringed, making him curse. "Fuck! Are you alright?! I'm not trying to scare you, I just need you to understand." He panicked and you shut your eyes. "L-levi, You're just upset over your ex. I know that you're messed up right now, but you can't take out your feelings on me, you need some help, maybe you should talk to mom or someone-" "NO! Don't tell anyone, please, I only trust you. If you tell mom and dad, they are going to split the family up, they'd be so disappointed...You'll ruin the family." He threatened and you stared at him shocked. You struggled against him, Levi growling. "Stay home from school today, let's just stay in bed, cuddle like we did last night." he cooed, his hips now pressing into the lower half of your body. You started to tremble in fear, "Stop it Levi!" Your cries for mercy didn't do a damn thing, he just continued to grind himself against you. His face held a mixture of embarrassment and pleasure. He was ashamed of what he was doing, a bright blush on his cheeks and apology in his eyes, but his growing erection was proof that it didn't matter to him, his body was reacting positively to you being defenseless against him. "MC, stay home with me~Please stay, please be with me." he begged and you just shook your head. "Leviathan, I-" He cut you off with a kiss. It was passionate and messy, his mouth forcing it's way inside of yours. You were panicking, the only way you knew how to stop it was by biting down on his tongue. You flinched as he drew back, stepping away from you as he spit out blood. "You....You hurt me..." He mumbled under his breath. You stood there, watching in fear as he thought out the situation. "You're such a bitch...I've worked so hard to be here with you...And you've ruined it." He glared at the table where your plate was still sitting along with the other breakfast supplies. "I had it so perfectly planned." He sounded heartbroken, his voice cracking slightly. He then turned back to you. "You're not even sorry...You ruined our breakfast together, and then you bit me!" he shouted, scaring you into backing away. He stalked towards you. " I didn't want it to be this way, I was so excited...there's only one thing that I'll except as an apology." He said darkly and you bolted. It was no use fighting him. As soon as he caught up to you, it was over. Levi was so much more stronger than you, and quick too. He's whole demeanor changed, his sweet persona new replaced with a cruel alter ego. He was treating you like a naughty pet, which was even stranger before in order for you to earn his forgiveness, he had wanted you to dress up for him, so that he could take pictures. You were terrified of the older boy in front of you. He was humming happily as he did your hair, putting it up in pigtails, adding on some cat ear clips to finish off the look. You looked up at him with a pleading expression, but at this point, he was in his own reality, not registering the situation at all. That's what made him unpredictable. "So cute!" He beamed, offering you his hands so he could pick you up off the floor. You glanced over to the mirror on the wall, gasping as you seen yourself. Levi had fully dressed you. You had a two piece on, a black and white maids top and a matching shirt, thigh highs going up your legs. You also noticed the tail that was pinned you your shirt. Levi was putting in some final touches. He crouched down in front of you, making sure your thigh highs were up all the way. He looked up at you with almost a loving expression. He then wrapped his arms around you legs, hugging you, his face burying into your thighs. You blushed as he held you. "I'm so glad it fits, I bought it a month ago, I figured you were a medium but by the way your curves are popping out, mm you might be a large~" He mumbled still snuggling you. You caught his words. "A month ago...You bought this for me?" You asked and Levi nodded. "Of course, I thought-...ha..." He stood, up his face red, caught in a lie. You frowned at him. "A month ago, you were still with your girlfriend...What do you mean you bought this for me?" You asked, your hands crossing over your chest. Levi scratched the back of his head nervously. "I had to make you comfortable with me...I knew that it was going to be hard, you moving in with a boy. I thought if I had a girlfriend, you might warm up to me faster, knowing that I wasn't going to do anything..." You stepped back, shocked. "I heard her on the phone, this whole time? You mean you faked it this whole time? I don't understand, why would you-" "Please don't be upset with me! I did it for you, I wanted you to relax before we got closer." he explained and you shook your head. "Levi, you're insane." You mumbled and he grabbed your shoulders. "MC. I'm in love with you. Ever since I seen your pictures, I knew I liked you, and getting to spend all this time, so close to you...It's not enough, I need you. I need you to accept me." he begged and you just shook your head. "This is crazy, you lied this whole time, to what? Make me your girlfriend?" He looked ashamed as you shook your head. "I don't like you that way...I have other boys I'm talking you-" "No." He growled. "I won't let you, I worked too hard." He wrapped his arms around your neck, pulling you into him. You closed your eyes as he kissed your forehead. "Promise me, that you're mine...." He hugged you tightly. You shook your head. "No, Levi." You whispered and he started to laugh. You pushed away from his as soon as his hands released you, scared that his personality had switched. You yelped as he grabbed your wrist. He sat himself down in the chair in front of the mirror, pulling you onto his lap, without much effort. He had one arm wrapped around you, keeping your arms at your sides. You of course struggled but it was no use. He sighed, his other hand lifting up your skirt so the two of you could see the reflection of your panties in the mirror. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see yourself so venerable, so paralyzed in fear. He moaned, you yelping as his dick started to harden underneath you. "I refuse to let all of my hard work go down the drain. I won't let you get taken away from me by some fucking piece of garbage. Only one person deserves you and that's me." he growled in your ear. You were shaking, terrified as his free hand slipped underneath the skirt, his fingers dancing along the fabric of your panties. He felt the lips of your pussy through them, a wetness beginning to form. You hated yourself for getting turned on by his hands. His chin rested on your shoulder, kissing the side of your face as he watched himself in the mirror. "Lift your hips up for me~" He whispered into your ear. You were hesitant, but didn't have a choice, lifting yourself up, Levi making quick work of taking himself out of his pants, his dick free, now placed between your legs. Your pussy flooded at the feeling of his thick cock rubbing against the insides of your thighs. He pulled it up closer, urging you to close you legs around him. He then used his hips to push up into you, fucking your thighs, his mouth letting out little grunts as he fucked up into them. You felt so dirty, his precut dripping down the tip of his dick and leaking down onto your thighs. The slickness traveled down in between your legs, offering his cock more lube to go faster. He buried his face into your shoulder, groaning desperately. "Oh my god, you're so soft~Squeeze your legs tighter together." He ordered and you did as you were told, just hoping it would be done quicker. Your pussy was burning at the friction of his dick. You bit your lip, trying to hold in your own moans, you didn't want him to know that there was a portion of you that was really enjoying this, the way he felt, how big he was. You peaked at yourself in the mirror, seeing how much of a mess you were. Levi's eyes were closed, head tipping back as he moved his hips faster. "Fuck! I'm so close." He paused his movements, grabbing your thighs, and forcefully opening them, his hand grabbing your panties and pulling them aside. You started to panic! "Levi no! Not there! Please not there!" You begged, but he kept you held still, as his cock forced itself inside of you. You screamed feeling him bottom out, his dick twitching inside of you, your body not excepting the lack of movement, You needed him to move. You couldn't take it, you shamefully began to wiggle your hips, Levi's arm releasing you, your hands pressing against the mirror in front of you, your hips lifting and dropping onto his cock feverishly. You couldn't stop yourself, you didn't know what you were doing but the pleasure drove your movements. Levi was just as surprised, his face twisted in intense heat. He grunted as he thrusted up into you, meeting your pace. You were a moaning mess, screaming for him like a slut. You were so caught up in the feeling, that you hadn't noticed him pulling out his phone, taking pictures and short videos. When he felt himself again get close, he threw his phone down, giving your ass a hard slap before grabbing your hips, forcefully holding you down onto his cock as his orgasm gushed into you. You struggled against him, your body shaking, tears falling from your face. You looked at yourself in the mirror, completely embarrassed. Levi leaned back in the chair, his head tipped back, his cock still giving your spurts of lust, his cum starting to overflow your pussy, leaking down your legs. You looked over your shoulder at him with exhausted eyes. He smiled at you, giving a light pat to your thigh, "Up baby." he ordered, his voice soft as you struggled to stand. His dick made an obscene sound as you stood up. He tucked it back into his boxers. You whined as he lifted you up, carrying you to his bed. You clasped into the sheets, grabbing one of his pillows instinctively. You hugged it close to your chest, too sore to move. You felt so messy, so slutty. Levi on the other hand was acting as if nothing was happening, turning on his game, sitting on the bed next to you. You whined, getting his attention. He looked back at you, his hand resting on your head, petting your hair, taking out the cat ear clips. "You can get undressed if you'd like. I'm done for now." He explained. You used the last bit of your energy to strip from the outfit he had put you in. Levi looked back at you and smiled. "Sore?" He asked and you nodded. "You'll get use to it. I won't go so hard next time." he explained, making your stomach do flips. He was going to do this again...you really did belong to him. 

#obey me #obey me fandom #obey me fanfic #fan fiction #obey me leviathan #leviathan #Levi x mc #leviathan x mc #leviathan x reader #Levi x reader #Levi smut #leviathan smut #leviathan fluff #Yandere Levi #step bro #demon brothers #seven rulers of hell #shall we date

[thefanficmonster]

Just thought about this as a story or headcanons, maybe the lords in re8 have a child, which is the reader and they are somewhere around 7 in the beginning. You can do them all separately, like first part would be Heisenberg, then Dimitrescu, Beneviento, and then Moreau, so the reader would accidentally do something and they are scared that the lord that is their parent would be super mad and they run away and the lords reactions to their child being gone and maybe the reader goes back to the village older, maybe 14 or 15 and the lords are emotional when they finally reunite with the reader. Maybe at first they don't recognize the reader at first, thinking they are just an outsider until they see something that they gave the reader as a birthday present and they recognize them. And it's just full fluff in the end? This has also been bugging my mind for a while 🤣 sorry if this ask was complicated to read

Heyy ~ lovely idea as always hun! I changed it up a bit, hope you don't mind and still enjoy reading it nonetheless 💗

Alcina Dimitrescu

- Being the youngest Dimitrescu, you were expected to be a bit of a spoiled brat since our mother and sisters looked after you like the most precious and rarest gem in this world - Surprisingly though, you were a very well behaved child - A shy, quiet, well-mannered kid that followed their mother's rules like they were the law - But even you weren't immune to that childish curiosity that every kid possesses - So you had to go on and break a rule or two eventually - However, the biggest one you broke, the one that had you sweating nervously, was sneaking down into the basement where the wine your mother and sisters were so proud of was kept - With trembling hands you picked up one of the bottles, the one with the most interesting pattern on the bottle, and began to expect it - That’s when a noise suddenly echoed throughout the basement, causing you to drop the bottle which broke as soon as it the ground, sending the red liquid splashing everywhere - You were mortified - You were only six at the time, you couldn’t think of a strategy to fix the mess you had made - So instead, you chose to run and hide, convinced you’d get in A LOT of trouble when your mother would find out - The place you chose to hide in was a run down part of the courtyard where you were least likely to be spotted by anyone or anything - Your plan started backfiring only about an hour after you settled in your hiding spot - The cold was starting to be painful on your skin but you refused to go back in - Before you knew it you had passed out, deleting any memory of what was to happen afterwards - Upon waking up, you found yourself in your room, changed in a new set of clothes and void of the chill you were suffering from before you lost consciousness - It didn’t take you long to notice your mother sitting in a chair next to the bed, struggling not to drift of to sleep, her face looking like she had aged about ten years in the span of a few hours out of worry   - “Mom?” You spoke up weakly, startling the woman who was on her feet and crouching down closer to you within a second - “Y/N, darling, why’d you do that? You had me worried sick.” Alcina said, her hand gently caressing your hair, none of that sternness she was known for left in her - “I’m sorry, mama. For scaring you and for the wine bottle. I didn’t mean to...” You tried saying but got choked up by your tears - “The wine be damned. Nothing is as important to me as you are sweetie.” She said, planting a soft kiss on your forehead before climbing in bed with you and wrapping her arms around you, her embrace so warm and comforting - You never doubted your mother’s love for you, but that moment only made you more sure in it and made you love her triple the amount you already loved her

Donna Beneviento

- Donna had always been generous with the amount of dolls she allowed you to have and play with - Although, the ones she gave you were not infected with her Cadou and couldn’t move or speak on their own as to not scare you - However, you were still allowed to play and talk with Angie who you were raised to see as a sister - And just like sisters, you and Angie also fought every now and then - But, this one time, she really angered you and with all the strength of a six year old that you possessed you threw her across the room - She hit a wall hard enough to loosen one of her arms and it fell off - That’s when you knew you were practically dead in trouble and ran to hide under your bed - As you were climbing up the stairs though, you could still hear Angie’s screaming and crying from downstairs and Donna could no doubt hear it as well - So as to avoid running into her, instead of hiding upstairs, you went into the basement - Where you had never been in, by the way - Meaning you had no idea what horrors awaited you there - Mannequins, doll parts, terrifying dolls which moved on their own - In your eyes it was a pure nightmare - Seeing the dolls turning their heads to follow your movement, some even raising an arm as if to greet you almost made you scream several times but you didn’t want to give away your hiding spot - And that’s when the laid out mannequin on the table, one you were already terrified of, turned it’s head to look at you, opened its eyes and mouth - The radio on the other table turned on simultaneously, all of it being too much of a scare for you to be able to suppress the scream you let out - That’s when you felt a hand on your shoulder and screamed even louder, even beginning to cry - The hand turned you around and you were suddenly facing your mom who looked scared and concerned, a little paler than usual too - You took no notice of that though, seeing as how you ran right into her, hiding your face in her hip - “I’m sorry mommy! I didn’t mean to hurt Angie! Just please don’t let them scare me anymore!” You cried, your tiny hands balled up in fists, clutching to Donna’s dress as if for dear life - The woman was relieved to see you were safe although still a little confused as to why you had even run down to the basement in the first place - And then she thought a bit more about what you had said - “Oh dear, you thought you were in trouble? Angie’s perfectly fine, Y/N. Her limbs come off loosely all the time. You didn’t even actually hurt her.“ - Seeing that your distress was showing no sign of decreasing, Donna picked you up and proceeded to carry you up to where Angie was so she could apologize for making you feel guilty in the first place

Salvatore Moreau

- Being a young kid, the Reservoir was a rather dangerous place for you to wander around in unsupervised - Usually you’d stick to the safest area, aka the one furthest away from the water, and would only be allowed to see the rest of your dad’s property with him by your side, holding your hand to make sure you wouldn’t fall - But one day, as you were sitting in at the entrance of the Reservoir, in the small body of water by your feet you saw a golden fish - Mesmerized, you foolishly ducked down to try and touch it but it, of course, swam away - Oh but you were far from prepared to let it go - So you chased after it, watching its glimmering skin rush under the surface of the water, going further into the dangerous parts of the property - You were mindless to the fact you were entering a territory that was originally forbidden to you - That is until a wooden board on the dock broke under you, causing you to fall in the water - And being only barely six years old, you didn’t know how to swim so before the panic had even worn off completely, you started screaming for help, praying your father would hear you - And boy were you in luck - A giant fish emerged from the water from underneath you, carrying you on its back to the dock you had fallen from - You scrambled to get to the safe half of it and sat on the ledge - By the time you were able to look around with clear vision instead of the blurred with tears one you had been struggling with seconds prior, the monster fish was gone - And your dad was standing on the dock next to you - “You see no why you aren’t allowed here, child?” - You nod, sniffling and running to hug him, relieved to be in your dad’s safe embrace - Despite the efforts to be stern, Moreau crumbles back to his usual loving and caring self, being the best father in the world in your eyes  - He carried you, piggy-back style back to the safe space of the Reservoir

Karl Heisenberg

- It goes without say that, growing up in a factory as dangerous as Heisenberg’s, there’s certain amount of rules you have to respect for yours and your father’s safety as well as the successfulness of his experiments - But there was no force that was able to keep you away from this one machine that looked far too interesting for you to overlook - You couldn’t help but go up to it every now and then to look at the blinking lights and the tempting colorful buttons - And then there was one day when just looking didn’t satisfy you - So you went on to press a few buttons, in the order of your favorite colors - It didn’t take long for you to realize how poor that decision was - When sparks started flying from the machine was when you finally decided to back away and that satisfying your curiosity wasn’t worth it - But it was already too late  - The whole process had stopped, the conveyer belt of murder machines pausing mid-movement suggesting the whole operation was hindered - “Y/N? What on Earth are you doing?” - Your dad’s voice had never terrified you so much - All excuses and apologies you wanted to say died down in your throat at the sight of your mildly agitated father standing behind you with an unimpressed look on his face - He wasn’t angry by any means but your vision was too blurred by tears for you to be able to see that - “Dad, I’m so sorry!” You cried, running to hug him, back turned to the malfunctioning machine you believed you damaged beyond repair - Wrapping his arms around you, he gave you a quick hug before stepping around you and approaching the machine, fixing it with the press of a few buttons - “Hope that teaches you a valuable lesson not to break the rules kid.” He said with a crooked smile, ruffling your hair while you still stared at machine in disbelief

#resident evil 8 #resident evil #resident evil heisenberg #resident evil village #re8 #re 8 #re village #karl heisenberg #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #salvatore moreau #donna beneviento #parent scenarios #au #kid reader #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #video game headcanons #re headcanons #headcanons #video game #video game fanfic #reader #request

[moodymelanist]

I beg I beg I beg for part 2 of Nessian pregnancy🧎‍♀️ never seen or read anything more adorable

hell yeah I can do this, nonnie. I had so much fun writing the first part that who am I to say no to a second 🧎🏽‍♀️

also as a general PSA: please note I am not currently accepting drabble/prompt requests! i have a whole bunch to get through and I have zero problem deleting even the cutest requests if people can’t respect that. thank you!

now onto the story 😌

Nesta had discovered that one of the worst symptoms of her third trimester was how often she had to go use the bathroom. Especially in combination with how often the baby would sit on her bladder, she seemed to spend more time on the toilet these days than off it.

Her poor husband never complained about her new bathroom habits once, not even when she’d wake him up from getting in and out of the bed so much. They’d even switched sides so she didn’t have to walk so far, something that made her love him even more than she already did — he was selfless and compassionate and just kind.

After her latest midnight trip to the bathroom, she found herself staring at her reflection in the mirror. She was practically ready to pop with how rounded her stomach was, but there was a rather large part of her that was absolutely terrified that she wouldn’t be a good mom.

She hadn’t said anything to Cassian about it; he was so good with kids that to think he’d be anything but an amazing dad would be ludicrous. But her? She didn’t know the slightest about how to make a kid happy, and she didn’t exactly have the best role models. Her mother had only paid attention to her daughters when it benefitted her, and her father wasn’t exactly winning any number one dad awards anytime soon.

Nesta didn’t realize she was crying until she felt a warm hand rubbing her back. She turned to see her husband standing in the doorframe, his hazel eyes wide with concern.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her softly. She let him pull her into as close of a hug as she could manage with her stomach.

“I…” she began. Even after all this time she had to battle the urge to not say anything, even though she knew good and well he would never judge her. “I can’t help but worry that I won’t be a good mom.”

“Why?” he responded, sounding genuinely confused. That was another thing she appreciated about him — he would never tell her she was wrong for feeling the way she did, even if they both knew she was being ridiculous and irrational.

“I have no idea what being a good mom looks like,” she said. She sniffled and he reached out to wipe her tears away. “I��m so scared that I’ll end up just like my mother and ruin our baby.”

“You won’t ruin our baby, sweetheart,” Cassian said immediately. “There’s no universe where that’s even a possibility.”

“But you don’t know that,” Nesta said.

He gently started guiding her back to their bed as he responded. “I do know that, though. Your mom may have been shitty, but at the bare minimum that taught you what not to do, right?”

“I guess,” she replied warily. He helped her sit down on the bed before walking around to the other side and sitting down to face her. “But just because I know what not to do doesn’t mean I’ll be any good at this.”

“I know you’ll be a good mom because you’re an amazing person, Nes,” he said, reaching out to cup her face. “You have so much love to give that it’s impossible for you to fuck this up. Will we be perfect parents? Probably not, but that’s okay, because we have each other.”

Nesta was fighting tears again, but this time they were because of how much she loved her husband. He always knew exactly what to say to her to reassure her.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve worried about this too,” he added. “You’re so good at all this parenting class stuff and I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You’re going to be an amazing dad,” she said, turning her face to press a kiss to his hand on her cheek. She couldn’t believe he was worrying about this when he was…. well, him. “I really can’t believe you’ve worried about this.”

“Why?” he asked, amused.

“You’re just so warm and fuzzy. Babies love warm and fuzzy.”

“Babies also love having fresh diapers and being swaddled, but I’m nowhere near as good as you at that stuff.”

Nesta couldn’t help but laugh softly as she came to the same conclusion he’d offered her earlier. They might struggle — no, they’d definitely struggle — but everything would work out in the end because they were a team.

“I can teach you how to swaddle better tomorrow,” she promised. “But even if you can’t figure it out, you have so much love to give, too. I think our daughter will care much more about that in the long run.”

Cassian nodded, and she couldn’t help but notice that he looked a little teary-eyed. She leaned forward as best as she could to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Besides,” Nesta said, smiling, “If we could survive ten years of each other, I think a baby will be a piece of cake.”

#acotar #acosf #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #pregnant!Nesta #anon asks #nessian prompts

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

[bestillmyslashyheart]

for @antiforlexpropaganda. sorry it’s very very late (and a super thank you to @caitlesshea for rewatching the scene for me and writing a transcript so i didn’t have to)

Maria knocked again, a quick rap that echoed inside. It was early but she knew Alex was used to getting up with the sun so she wasn’t too worried about waking him up. Or at least she hadn’t been before she spent multiple minutes knocking on his door. Just as she was considering leaving and coming back later, the lock turned and the door cracked open.

Alex looked faintly surprised to see her. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he accused lightly.

Maria shrugged. “Well, I learned you and all of our friends have been lying to me about aliens and murders and resurrection, so I haven’t been feeling particularly social. That being said I fell for your ex, so I’ve decided that even though I’m not speaking to them you and I are even?” She questioned hesitantly. She hadn’t actually spoken to Alex about Michael since that day at the bar and she definitely hadn’t talked to him before or after her and Michael’s very brief foray into a relationship but she knew he had heard about it. There was no way he hadn’t.

There was a look in Alex’s eyes, something Maria couldn’t place, but it was gone before she could try to figure it out. “That’s fair,” he replied. “What’s up?”

Maria let out a small breath of relief. She held up her mom’s laptop in answer. “Forgot the password.”

Alex raised his eyebrows. “And you want me to use my NSA intelligence cryptology training to hack into your laptop?”

Maria sent him a coy look in answer, unwilling to come out and say that yes, she wanted him to commit a crime for her. Thankfully, Alex let out a little huff of a laugh. “How does any straight man survive you?”

“They don’t,” Maria grinned and follow Alex inside when he stepped aside. He led her into the living room and settled on his couch, his right leg stretching out in front of him. He waved a hand to invite her to have a seat. She did, perching herself on the edge of the bench in front of Alex’s piano and looked around. She had stopped by right after Alex moved in but hadn’t been by since. He hadn’t done too much with the place but it definitely looked less like waystation now. More like a home.

Alex sat patiently as she looked around. She felt his eyes on her but she waited a moment before turning to him.

“How come you’re not mad at me?” She finally asked. It was what she had feared, why she had waited so long to come around.

“For Michael?” Alex asked, like there was anything else he could be angry at her for. She nodded and he sighed. “The mess between us will never be your fault. And plus you didn’t know my history with him until after you hooked up. That’s my fault. I should’ve told you.”

“No,” Maria argued. “When I found out I should’ve stopped.” Because while she hadn’t known in Texas, she’d definitely known after.

“Yeah, okay, you should’ve.” He was only agreeing with what she’d just said herself but it hurt to hear him say it. “But you couldn’t. How could I be mad at you for falling for Michael Guerin? It’s the easiest thing in the world.”

Maria wasn’t sure she agreed. “Yeah, until it’s not.”

Alex shook his head, a soft look coming over his face. “Don’t write him off yet, okay? He keeps secrets because of how much he loves Max and Isobel, not because of how much he loves you.” Maria privately thought it was a little early (or late depending on you looked at it) to be calling it love.

She had to ask. “You told me once that you would stay in Roswell forever if the guy from the museum would just keep kissing you. But you did leave. What happened?”

Alex closed off and looked away. “He stopped being that guy.” His eyes flicked away, focusing on something behind her. “I begged him to get it together, then he got busted for stealing hubcaps.”

“He was pushing you away. He does that.” Maria had watched him do it to Max Evans countless times over the years. “He hurts people to see if they let him go. Made out with Lindsey right in front of me.” There was that look on Alex’s face again, the one she couldn’t identify.

“Yeah, well,” Alex shrugged. “I didn’t need much pushing. He’d become this walking bar fight and I just could not deal.”

“Hey,” Maria said softly, aching to reach out to him but feeling like it wouldn’t be well received. “You grew up in an abusive home. It makes sense that you didn’t want to be around all that anger.”

“Yeah, and then the irony of enlisting to escape violence,” Alex huffed. “He was locked up the day I left. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

The words felt loaded, more so than Maria could understand. She didn’t know what to say. As the silence stretched on, she cleared her throat and stood up to get the laptop she’d placed on the counter on the way in. “So. Want to show me some of those famed skills of yours?”

Luckily, Alex took the out and followed her over to the counter, easing into the seat and lifting it open. He had to push aside an empty coffee cup and plate to make room. She almost offered to move them to the sink but Alex quickly ignored them so so did she. Maria watched him work for a few moments before asking, “are you in?”

Alex hit a few more keys before the screen changed to the home screen. Maria let out a sigh of relief. Alex eyed her carefully. “Did I just commit a felony?”

Maria shifted in front of the computer, absently settling in Alex’s lap. She only had a moment to enjoy the feeling before realizing how stiff he was, his hands in the air a careful distance away from her body. Swallowing her faint disappointment, Maria straightened with a wry look. “It’s my mom’s computer. Her nurse said that two weeks before she went missing when she wasn’t trying to escape she was talking to someone online. I wanted to find out who.”

“They let her have internet?”

“She’s a patient, not an inmate,” Maria retorted. Alex stiffened but didn’t say anything. “She uses her computer to watch Netflix and stuff. I don’t know. I just want to see her browser history.”

Alex clicked around quickly. “Somebody cleared her search history,” he announced before tapping away again.

“No,” Maria shook her head, suddenly realizing that they were really treading the line between concern and invasion of privacy. “My mom was the last one to use this computer. If she deleted it, she obviously didn’t want anyone to know what she was doing online.”

“You know that if somebody clears their search history, they’re usually hiding something,” Alex warned gently.

Maria scoffed. “I thought she wasn’t telling me her password because she couldn’t remember it. If she didn’t want me to see something then hey...” She shrugged.

“All the more reason to see it,” Alex offered.

Maria blinked. “I’m not investigating my mom. I just want to know how might have taken her, but she’s a victim. I’m not gonna invade her privacy over it. She has a right to her secrets.” Alex shot her a look at that but Maria ignored it. Maria heard a noise from down the hall but Alex didn’t even look up so she ignored it.

His phone buzzed before he could say anything and he checked it quickly. “It’s Valenti. I’ve got to go.”

About that... “I like Kyle,” Maria started, “but he was terrible to you for so long. How have you forgiven him?”

“Kyle and I aren’t friends,” Alex objected. “I’m doing this because it’s my responsibility. I’m doing this for Liz. You know, something I learned in the last 10 years is that sometimes showing up is the most important thing.” It felt like a rebuke and Maria glared at him for it. He shrugged. “Can’t stay mad forever. People have a right to their secrets,” he shot back at her.

Maria rolled her eyes. She was about to reply when a louder noise came from down the hall and Maria finally registered it for what it was: the sound of water running coming from the bathroom. Maria’s eyes widened as she looked around the kitchen again and noticed the two coffee mugs and two dirty plates. “Alex,” she hissed. “Someone’s here.”

Alex raised any eyebrow. “I’m aware.”

Maria huffed a laugh. “Sorry I interrupted.”

He shrugged. “You didn’t.”

Maria glanced down the hall though she couldn’t see anything. “Is he hot?”

Alex hummed. He closed the laptop and stood up, rounding the counter to fully enter the kitchen. He busied himself pouring another cup of coffee. She was about to refuse one herself when she realized he never offered her one. “In that sex-in-a-truck-never-introduce-him-to-your-momma-kinda-way,” he replied idly. It took a moment for the words to register. The realization hit her a split second before Michael’s voice carried down the hallway.

“Where’s the other towel?” He shouted at Alex.

“Under the sink!” Alex called back. He gazed evenly at Maria as he lifted the coffee to his lips and took a sip.

“What the fuck?”

Alex tilted his head in question but didn’t say anything.

“No,” Maria stated. “Seriously, Alex. What the fuck? Guerin’s here?”

“He sleeps over occasionally.”

“Occasionally.”

“Mhmm.” Alex looked at her. “Problem?”

“Yes,” Maria replied immediately. It had only been three days since she kicked Guerin to the curb and he was already in Alex’s bed? “Is he incapable of sleeping alone? Were you just waiting for me to get tired of putting up with his shit?”

Alex’s gaze grew cold. “Since you never bothered to tell me you two were starting something, I can’t imagine why I would be waiting for you to end it.”

Maria glared. “You knew. You knew we were together. You knew where he parked his Airstream.”

“It was hard to miss,” he agreed.

“Why is he here?” Maria demanded.

“Currently, he’s taking a shower,” Alex replied.

“Alex.”

“Maria.” He took another sip of his coffee. “I didn’t realize I needed your approval on who’s allowed to use my shower.”

“We broke up three days ago and you’re already having sleepovers with him? Did you think for a second how I would feel about this?”

“Strangely,” Alex mused, “my relationship with Michael has nothing to do with you. And also, you didn’t seem to think about how i would feel about you dating him.” Maria flinched.

She opened her mouth to reply when movement down the hall froze her in her tracks. Michael had his jeans and socks on, his shirt in one hand, a towel in the other as he scrubbed at his hair. “Thanks for letting me-” he froze when he looked up to see Maria. The hand holding the towel slowly dropped to his side. “Maria. What are you doing here?”

“She wanted me to hack into her mom’s laptop,” Alex answered for her. There was a strange note in his voice and Maria turned to him only to find him gazing appreciatively at Michael. The look in his eyes made something in her stomach churn.

“Oh.” Michael blinked. “Well. I should get going.”

“No,” Maria said quickly. “I should go.” She snatched up the laptop and fled with only a hurried thank you over her shoulder to Alex. Only when the front door was closed behind her did she stop and close her eyes. She didn’t understand it, she’d been the one to end things with Michael, so why did it hurt to see him in Alex’s home, clearly comfortable and not out of place at all?

----

Alex took another sip of his coffee as Michael stared at Maria’s back as she almost literally ran out the door. “You’re an ass,” he accused lightly.

Michael shrugged. “Did you want me to tell her I was in the kitchen when she came in and heard your entire conversation? I still don’t know how she didn’t see me.”

Alex didn’t know either. Michael had been downing his second cup of coffee when Maria had come in and he hadn’t moved until Maria went for the laptop.

“I’m sorry,” Michael said suddenly. Alex looked up at him in surprise. Michael’s hands were clenched around his shirt and towel. “For fucking up that summer. For not saying goodbye. I didn’t want to have to watch you leave.”

“Thank you,” Alex said quietly. He understood Michael better now, understood why he’d acted the way he had that summer, but it was still nice to hear. He cleared his throat. “You planning on staying here again tonight?”

“If it’s not a problem,” Michael confirmed. “The generator is still on the fritz and I haven’t figured out how to fix it yet.”

“Guest room’s yours as long as you need,” Alex assured him. It wasn’t the first time Michael had crashed at his place when the Airstream was less than hospitable and Alex was sure it wouldn’t be the last. When it happened, they functioned well as roommates and nothing more, even when they were on better terms. Neither one had ever been willing to blur the lines between their relationship and their temporary living situation. No matter what other people, Maria, thought, nothing had happened between them the night before. And nothing would happen so long as Michael needed a place to crash.

Michael nodded at him in thanks and tugged his shirt on. “I’ve got to get to work. I’ll see you tonight?”

“I’ll order Chinese.”

“Sounds good.”

They exchanged soft smiles before Michael headed out, a quick detour to toss the towel in the laundry room on his way. Alex fixated on the motion for long moments after Michael left, at the easy way Michael moved around his home. It made his chest flutter warmly.

It wasn’t a bad feeling. Not at all.

#malex fic #roswell fic #rnm #my fic #anti maria deluca #just to be safe tho i don't think its too bad

[norarigby]

フェア関西のルームメイト二名 (The Two Roommates from Fair Kansai)

Chapter 2: The Typo

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Description: In which while typing a roommate ad online, the famed Miya Atsumu, (23) MSBY Jackals Setter, makes a detrimental typo that leads to an influx of women applicants. Confused, but not completely opposed (the idiot), Miya Atsumu lands on a formidable candidate. Y/n L/n. A Biotechnology major at Kansai University, looking for a change after her last disastrous roommates and some space from a particular complication. It’s odd, but it’ll work. Maybe a little too well.

Pairings: Miya Atsumu x Reader

Warnings: None!

Word Count: ~1.4k

A/n: Cross posted from my AO3. I update there first, so if you want the chapters sooner, check it out!

To say Atsumu was overwhelmed would be an understatement. When one of the athletic directors approached him saying how his phone kept going off in the locker room, he was concerned something was seriously wrong. As a precaution, they assure him that if it was an emergency that he should feel free to take the day. But upon closer inspection, he quickly realized that wouldn’t be necessary. He scrolled through what seemed like pages of messages and missed calls about the ad. And not just any inquiries, but…

“ALL WOMEN!” Atsumu exclaimed loudly in the busy shop. A few annoyed heads turned to the source of the outburst.

Osamu rolled his eyes, “‘Tsumu, we talked about this. Having you come during busy hours is already enough of a nuisance, but could you keep it down? This is still a public place.”

“But ‘Samu! What am I going to do?” Atsumu whisper-shouted like it would help his outburst, but it still elicited a few head turns, “I already didn’t want to room with a stranger! And now all of the applicants are girls? This has to be some sort of joke.”

Osamu helped with the line and handed out a few orders to customers before focusing some energy on his dramatic brother. “Well, did you specify that you were only looking for male roommate?”

Atsumu picked at the stray rice grains on his plate as he tried to remember what he wrote. He couldn’t remember specifying anything about the roommate themselves; focusing mainly on the apartment itself. He voiced his thoughts to his brother.

“Hmm, well Atsumu can be a girl's name. Maybe that’s why?”

He tried not to be offended at his brother’s comment, mainly because he was partially right. It’s possible that they’re assuming he’s a girl. But that doesn’t make entire sense either. Is it possible his fan club found the posting? That seemed pretty possible. Atsumu knew fangirls could get crazy when they wanted to be.

Osamu finished some things behind the bar and went over to sit by Atsumu. The two contemplated his conundrum over a fresh plate of onigiri. After Osamu’s second, he spoke up, “Just for science, can I see your ad?”

Atsumu gave him an incredulous look, but pulled up the ad anyway, “I mean, sure, but I don’t think-”

At Atsumu’s sudden silence, Osamu’s curiosity was piqued, “”Tsumu? Everything okay?”

Wordlessly he handed the phone over and Osamu read through the ad. Immediately after reading, he burst into laughter.

“‘Samu! This isn’t funny!”

But Osamu was laughing so hard he couldn’t even speak. Some of his employees turned out of concern and curiosity at their boss’ sudden burst. Eventually, he calmed down enough to choke out a “you are in some trouble, ‘Tsumu”.

Roommate Wanted.

Master Bedroom available with a private bath in a 100 sq m apartment in Osaka. In-unit wash, AC, dishwasher, internet, etc. Fully furnished (besides bedroom available). Rent with utilities is 62784¥. Near public transportation. Feel free to contact with questions or offers.

06-XXXX-XXXX

Text/Call

Miya Atsumi

--

“Alright, that wraps it up for today. Finish the calculations on your own time and be sure to bring back your completed form by next class. See you Tuesday!”

The sound of chairs scraping against the floor harmonized with the zipping and unzipping of backpacks as the classroom got up to leave. Y/n pulled out her phone to finally check her messages.

From: Mom

Found a listing in Osaka that looks interesting. Good apartment with really good pricing. You should give them a call.

(link)

Y/n typed a quick thank you before clicking on the link. Her mom was right. It looked like a decent location and a not too bad price. Trying to look for any information on the roommate (roommates?), all she could see was a number and a name at the bottom of the ad. What a strange listing. It was probably the shortest listing she’d ever come across--and definitely the most to the point.

Y/n sat and stared at the listing for a little bit while weighing her options. She just got out of an interesting situation in Suita, but she was now living with her parents. Which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but both her and her parents weren’t exactly jumping at the idea of her moving back in, especially with her graduating college next year.

Making up her mind, she copied the number and sent a quick text to the number on the ad. A silent prayer was sent to whoever was listening. This wouldn’t fix all of her problems, but this would solve a big one and she swore she would be able to handle the rest.

--

“And you told me I was loud,” Now Atsumu was getting antsy about the amount of people staring at his hysteric brother. “”Samu, you need to calm down.”

This had been going on for at least ten minutes now. Osamu would read through the ad, get sent into a fit of laughter, finally calm down, but then would read it again and the cycle would start all over again. Not used to being the responsible twin, in addition to being extremely embarrassed by his brother’s reaction to his typo, Atsumu was at a loss for what to do. He tried sending reassuring smiles to patrons and mumbled some apologies, but that was the extent of his capabilities.

Finally, Osamu calmed down and pushed Atsumu’s phone back to him. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Osamu tried to console his brother, “Hey, maybe this won’t be such a bad thing. Surely, there’s at least one of those girls that you could at least be civil with.”

Atsumu scrolled through his messages again, exacerbated, “Even if that’s true! There’s too many! I don’t really have the time to sit and go through all of these.”

There were at least 100 people who had responded to his ad and where the messages definitely weren’t flooding in as much as they had earlier that day, he would get a notification about once every 15-20 minutes. By the time he got through the original applicants, there would be another 100-200 to take their place. In between practice and conditioning, there was no way Atsumu was going to be able to get through these all by himself.

“Tell you what,” Osamu leaned back in the chair he was sitting in, “Since this was partially my idea, I’ll help you tonight after I close up. And if we can’t find anyone, I’ll help you write up a better listing and we can delete this one.”

Atsumu’s other issue with all of these applicants is that he really didn’t want to spend energy looking through dozens of descriptions and deciding if he would like them or not. He assumed it would be like the dating app he had for a couple weeks, but worse. Atsumu really didn’t like the idea of judging someone based on a single paragraph they wrote about themselves. He preferred a more personal approach. Like with the various spikers and teammates he’d played with over the years, he was really good at reading people in person. Within a short conversation, he could pretty accurately lay out a person’s personality (what things they might like, what might make them tick, what things they were indifferent to). Over the internet it was much more difficult.

He guessed he could always ask them to meet in person, right? That was something people did. They could meet at his brother’s restaurant so then Osamu could get a feel for the other person. Atsumu figured it would also get one glaring issue out of the way: he was a guy.

It was a fool proof plan. Osamu and him would sort through the applicants tonight and he would invite them to meet him in person. This way he can see if it’s going to work or not and if they aren’t comfortable with rooming with a guy they can just leave. Genius!

Atsumu recounted his plan to his brother and Osamu was in agreement. With that, the blonde brother left to go to afternoon conditioning, planning on returning just before close to sneak in a few more onigiri from his brother before the long haul.

#miya x y/n #miya x you #miya x reader #atsumu miya #miya astumu #atsumu x you #atsumu #msby atsumu #atsumu x y/n #atsumu fluff #atsumu x reader #haikyuu atsumu #atsumu imagines #atsumu x female reader #hq atsumu #atsumu angst #atsumu fic #haikyuu #haiykuu!! #haikyu #haikyū!! #haikyuu!! #hq x y/n #hq x you #hq #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader

[ramp-it-up]

Fresh Squeeze Ch. 13

Pairing: Daveed Diggs x OFC Linden Marshall (You)

Set in 2023, post-pandemic

Warnings: Minors DNI, 18 + ONLY, RPF, drinking, dancing, singing, cursing, lots of plot and fluff and sad with some Smut as well. This has everything. Daddy kink, oral sex (m recieving), cum play, drunken confessions/rambling, Love, y’all.

“As” x Stevie Wonder

Word Count: 5.7 K 

Plot: Lindy reacts to her gifts, gets another one from the group, and TURNS UP. They finally get back to NYC and deal with having to be apart (or not).

“Well, what do you think?”  Daveed was looking at you expectantly.

“I…….” 

You really didn’t know what to say.  You were surprised, intrigued, curious, and a little frightened. Your mind was trying to take it all in.

Daveed’s heart dropped as he watched your face. He closed the photo app on his phone.

“It’s cool. It’s a lot to think about...”  He could kick himself. He’d gotten carried away and ruined a perfect thing. He wished he could rewind time.

“I, I’ll meet you out at the bar. Go have some fun. We’ll talk later.” 

He might as well begin getting wasted for when you ended it between you two.  It had been a great day and a half. He turned around and headed for the door.

“Diggs, where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

Daveed stopped and turned around, bracing for it. He saw the flash your eyes.

“Look, Linden.  I’m sorry.  I took it too far. Forget I even showed you that picture.” He leaned on the wall and looked everywhere but at you. 

Your heart twisted in your chest. Daveed really did love you. And he was wearing his anxiety all over him. It hurt your heart that he felt that way. It was on you to communicate now.

You approached him slowly and put your hands on his arms as he looked at the floor. You bent your knees to get a glimpse of his eyes and to force him to look at you.  

Daveed smiled when he saw you peeking at him.  Maybe you weren’t pissed at him.

“I’m so pissed at you,” you breathed. 

Oh, well.

“How are you going to lecture me about running away all the time when that’s what you were about to do?”

Daveed opened and closed his mouth. Then he looked at you. You were right.

You slid into his arms and he looked down at you.  So fucking beautiful.

“Thank you for my presents, Daveed. I’m not mad that you got them. But you’re right, it is a lot to think about.” You sighed and lay your head on his chest.  

“This weekend has been amazing, and I’m happy you got carried away…It means….”

“It means I love you, Lindy.” He kissed the top of your head. “But I get it, you need time to think about… taking that step.” 

Daveed realized that you were just nervous.

You bit your lip and nodded. “Yeah.”  

Daveed leaned down and kissed your lips. It was slow and sensual.

“Anything I can do to help with your thinking process?”  

His lips were at your cheek, moving to your jaw, your earlobe and then your neck.  You moaned as he found the spot he’d memorized so quickly, like a verse.

You moaned, heating up again as his hand smoothed your dress over your ass and his fingers reached for the hem. Again.

You felt yourself begin to tumble down the hill of your desire for Daveed, which you tried to snap yourself out of by clearing your throat, to which Daveed smiled at against the skin of your collarbone.

“We should really get back out there.”

You fully expected him to object, but instead he agreed.

“You’re right.”  He planted another kiss on your spot.  “The crew is working on a gift for you out there.” He nuzzled your neck and then kissed below your earlobe. 

“What?” You were curious as to what they were up to. Daveed just stared at you. “W-what do you mean they're working on a present?” 

Daveed chuckled and smiled at you, grabbing you by the hand. “I don't know. Let’s go see.”

--------

Craig happened to be passing by when you and Daveed came out of the bathroom. You were caught.

“OOOOOOOOOh. I’m gonna call Monalinda on your ass.” You were swole, and about to cuss Craig out and then instantly deflated.

“Oh shit.” You looked at him. “My mom.” 

You dropped Daveed’s hand and dug in your purse for your phone, which you had basically ignored all weekend. 

It was lit up with birthday messages, one from Mark, which you deleted, and plenty from other friends and acquaintances on social media.

You looked up at Daveed. “I’m have to call my mom.  I’m going to step outside.”

“I’ll go with you.” Craig, your protector.

Daveed didn’t want to let you go, but he didn’t want to crowd you. You went downstairs and out of the door, Craig with you.

You scrolled for the call from your mom, and like clockwork, she’d called at 8:43 am, the time you were born. It was well over 12 hours since she’d called. You cringed and dialed her back.

She picked up immediately.

“Linden? Happy Birthday, Baby.”

“Hey Mama. Thank you. Sorry I missed your call.”

“That’s ok, baby. I figured you’d be busy having fun. Craig watching out for you?”

You laughed and looked over at Craig.  “Hey Auntie Mona!” He yelled and all three of you laughed.

“Hey Craig! Take care of Linden for me.”

“Mama, I’m 30 years old now. I can watch out for myself.” 

Now she was laughing at you. Sometimes it was like you were her twin, brash and independent.

“Ok, you’re right. Is that Daveed boy there with you?  Craig told his father that you had a crush on him.”

“Oh, did he now?” You were gonna tap Craig in his jaw. You made a cutting motion against your throat to him. He just laughed at you and flipped you off. 

“Yes, mom, he’s here,” you sighed.

Mona knew that tone. And she laughed at you again.

“Linden, just be open to love, Baby. You deserve it.” 

You loved your mom so much, but It was when you were talking to her that you were reminded of Dell. That’s why you tried to avoid it. Because when you thought about Dell, you felt like you didn’t deserve anything.

You thought about how you should be on a three-way call with her and Dell, her wishing you both a happy birthday.

“Mama…. I’m sorry. I…”

“Linden. Stop it. Just stop it.  It wasn’t your fault. You can’t live your life blaming yourself. He’d want you to move on.  And he’d be so proud of you now. I’m so proud of you.”

“I love you Mama.” You smiled through your tears. 

“I love you too, Baby.  Now get off the phone with me and go have some fun with that tall, fine man. And tell me all about him when you get back, maybe bring him to meet me if you realize you should snag him.  Have a safe flight.”

You laughed at her read. “Ok, Mama. Goodbye.”

“Bye, Lindy.”

You took out your phone and scrolled through your pictures of Dell.  You picked one and made your annual post for your birthdays. Craig moved toward you and took you in his arms.

“You okay, cousin?”

You looked up at him, and the tears came harder because he was crying too. He was the only one who missed Dell almost as much as you.  Except your mom, who probably missed him more. You hugged Craig and let yourself cry.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine after I kick your ass for telling Uncle Lindron about Daveed. You know he and Mona talk every day.” You started to walk back into the club, where Daveed was watching for you to return.

“Lindy, this ain’t Jersey, and I’m not one of those little hoodrats you used to fight all the time. I’ll fuck you up, just like I did in the 7th grade.”

“Shut up, Craig!” you laughed and pushed him, lightening up a little, especially when you saw Daveed’s concerned look as he came for you.

“You okay?”  You looked up at him and smiled, giving him a quick peck on the lips.  “I’m good.”

Craig and Daveed led you to where Rafael, Anthony, and Jasmine were standing.  Daveed planted you on the stool and looked you in the eyes.

“Stay here.”

“OK?”  You looked around to see everyone smiling at you.  Rafa winked as Daveed approached a mic stand. You got a feeling of dread in your stomach. 

Oh no-

Daveed looked at you as the crew gathered around.  

“Hey everybody. This is Lindy.” He held his hand out to you. “And it’s Lindy’s birthday today. And I bet she thinks we’re about to embarrass her and have you sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her.” He looked over to you. “But she’d be wrong.”

You breathed a sigh of relief.

“We were wondering what to give the woman who has everything.” 

You called out to him. “Are you included in ‘everything?’”

“You are correct, madam.” Daveed smirked in response. You shook your head as everyone laughed.

“But we decided to use what we have and that is talent. And we picked a song to perform that her cousin Craig said was a family favorite and is really really true for all of us, especially me. 

We’re going to perform a song that lets you know that you got new family members for life.”

Rafa cued the DJ to start the track. As you heard the opening cords, you brought your hands to your mouth, emotional.

Jasmine was first up.

As around the sun the earth knows she's revolving/ And the rosebuds know to bloom in early May/ just as hate knows loves the cure/ You can rest your mind assured/ That I'll be loving you always/ As now can't reveal the mystery of tomorrow/ But in passing will grow older every day/ Just as all is born is new/ Do know what I say is true/That I'll be loving you always

Jasmine came over and gave you a hug as she sung the last line.

Everyone started dancing this choreographed routine of 70’s dance moves, the hustle, the hand jive, and the bump during the refrain as they sang. Even Craig joined in the chorus.

Anthony sang next.

Did you know that true love asks for nothing./ Her acceptance is the way we pay Did you know that life has given love a guarantee/ To last through forever and another day/ Just as time knew to move on since the beginning/ And the seasons know exactly when to change/ Just as kindness knows no shame/ Know through all your joy and pain/ That I'll be loving you always

Ant handed Rafael the mic next.

As today I know I'm living but tomorrow/ Could make me the past but that I mustn't fear/ For I'll know deep in my mind/ The love of me I've left behind/ Cause I'll be loving you always

 More dancing, and you had to get up out of your seat.

Daveed had the bridge:

We all know sometimes life's hates and troubles/ Can make you wish you were born in another time and space/ …...And maybe our children's grandchildren/ And their great-great grandchildren will tell/ I'll be loving you

Everyone in the club joined in the chorus by the end, including you. It went on and on and was the best time you’d had on your birthday in a long time.

You ended up in Daveed’s arms with everyone dancing around you.  It was big love and it was perfect.

You danced and drank shots until you were exhausted and wasted. You and everybody sang all the way back to the beach house, and  Daveed had to practically carry you in when you arrived.

---------------

“THAT WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY OF ALLL TIMEEEEEE!”  You looked around the great room of the beach house and saw everyone staring at you.  

“YOU’RE SO LOUD! BE QUIET! SHHHHHHH!”

“That’s you. You’re yelling Lindy.”  Daveed was cracking up at you.

Jasmine and Anthony laughed at you on the way to the master suite. 

“G’night mom and dad!” You waved at them as they retired for the night.

“Are you going to flog me, General?” 

You heard Jasmine say, “Oh my god, she’s wasted,” as she and Anthony went in their room. Anthony replied. “Oh, fo sho.”

Daveed chuckled and shook his head as he led you into your room. 

“General, hunh? No, I’m not going to flog you. I’m gonna put your ass to bed.” 

You sat down on the bed and looked up at him adoringly.

 “You know, I went with ‘he who must not be named’ to see Hamilton in 2015. When I saw you in that uniformmmmmmmmmm….” 

You shook your head and closed your eyes, remembering. ”I had a flash of a thought to run up on stage and suck your soul out.”

Daveed smiled his shy smile again, embarrassed.  

“I’m sorry, I’m fangirling right now. But sign my tits.” You tried to pull the collar of your dress down, and when it wouldn’t stretch, you started fighting with it, trying to get it off.

“Easy, easy.” Daveed was highly amused. He helped you to stand up so you could get out of your clothes. 

He looked down and stroked your cleavage.   “I already marked them up good. And when those fade I’m coming back for more.” 

He leaned down and kissed the tops of each breast and then stopped himself to help you out of the dress. Now was not the time to start something.

“Oh shit, Daveed.”  You squirmed. “You got me wet. Damn, boy. You keep me wet.” 

You started singing WAP as you twerked in front of him. Daveed was enjoying seeing the carefree side of you. You could be so free and he was glad that tonight got you there.

You flopped back down on the bed. “Damn, I would let you fuck me in that uniform tho. A dream. And that sword? The hilt of that mutha fucking sword. Fuck. Do you still have it? I mean...”  

You opened your legs and ran your hands up your thighs. 

Daveed grabbed them and pulled you back up so that he could slip your dress off. You were out of your mind, but you still got him there.  

He’d have to see what he could do about that costume when you were sober. He wanted to fulfill your every fantasy, and he hoped that you would let him.

When you came out from under your dress you looked about to cry. He frowned a bit. 

“What happened?”  When you looked up at him with your drunk, teary eyes, he remembered. Tequila.

“I don’t deserve you. You’re so fucking sweet. And nerdy, and cute, and so fucking talented. I mean you’re such a great actor, and writer, and rapper, and you can rap so fast, I mean damn that tongue.”  

You opened your eyes wide. “Is that why you’re so good at head?”  You covered your mouth at the realization and started crying harder.  “I don’t deserve you!”  Daveed helped you as you cried, and he tried to get you in the bed.

“Yes, you do Lindy.  We all deserve love. Now calm down. It’s ok. We can talk about it in the morning.”

You stopped and stood still, adamant, naked for Daveed to take in and save for later. “You wanna know a secret?”  You looked around the room to see if anyone was listening, even though you were alone with Daveed. “I forgot what I was talking about.”

Daveed laughed and went into the bathroom to get one of your makeup wipes. When he handed it to you is when you started crying again. 

“No one ever wanted me to take off my makeup before...no one cared about my skin… and no one sang to me in Puerto Rico...”  

You were still crying as you wiped the tears and makeup away.  “Tell me why you love me in the morning.”

“I will. Lay down and I’ll get you some water.”  Daveed got you under the covers and tucked you in.

“It’s gonna be hard when we get back to New York, cause I’m a bitch in New York. In Isabella I’m a queen…”

“Yes you are. You’re MY queen. Anywhere you go. You’re not gonna get rid of me in New York. Now try to center yourself and calm down okay?”  You smiled weakly up at him and nodded, holding your arms out to him.

Daveed hugged you, kissed your forehead and then went to the kitchen to get some bottles of water. Rafa was in there, eating cereal and on his phone.

“Ya girl is wasted.”

“Yeah, she’s gone, man gone.” Daveed smiled.  “Thanks for tonight, man. The arrangement was tight.”

“No problem at all. We all really love Lindy. She’s special, man.”

Daveed smiled as he gathered about four bottles of water and set them on the counter. He had a faraway look. Rafa could read him like a book.

 “Oh shit, Diggs.”

Daveed looked at him.

“Yeah, this is it.”  He’d made a decision.

“Happy for you, man.”

Daveed gave Rafa a smile and elbow dap as he went back to your room.

You were singing “As” and smiling when he returned.  “I’m tore up. Sorry.”

Daveed blinded you with his smile.  “No worries, Baby Girl. Here, drink this. It will go better when you wake up if you do.”  

You returned his smile and drank the entire bottle of water.  It helped clear your head a bit and the exhaustion got to you. Your eyes were drawn to him like a magnet as he headed toward the shower and took off his shirt. Damn, why did his back get you hot?

“I’ll be waiting for you when you get out.”

Daveed smiled back at you. “Get some rest Lindy. I know we’re leaving Isabela tomorrow, but we have time to spend together beyond that. I’m not going anywhere, Baby Girl.”

You smiled and nodded, hazily realizing something and resolving to stay up before you knocked out into a deep sleep.

-----

Daveed had stayed up a little while longer than you and wrote some things, editing a verse for a track that he and Rafael were producing and also adding to his Linden notes.  Then, he took you into his arms and fell asleep.  

He wondered how he would do it without you in New York, or how he would go back to the West Coast without you.  He was thinking about the same things you were, but he was more confident that you two would find a way.

The Monday morning sun greeted him and he rolled over to see that it was 10 am. The flight back to New York left at 3 pm.  Just a couple of hours before everyone needed to head to the airport. 

You were still knocked out, snoring a little, but so adorably.  He kissed your forehead and got out of bed with a bottle of water, padding to his room.

He marveled at the fact that he’d spent very little time there this weekend. It was basically a glorified closet and he was glad for it.  

He was grateful to Jasmine and Anthony who offered to plan this weekend for you.  They knew that you and he together on a tropical island would do the trick.  

He shook his head that it actually worked as he put on his running shoes and shorts and packing up a little before he went running.

Daveed sent you a text before he got started, then headed west on the beach and did a lot of thinking, planning how to soothe the fears that you’d expressed last night.

----

You woke up 20 minutes after Daveed left with only a slight headache and fuzzy memories of the night before. You instantly missed Daveed and grabbed your phone.

Good morning my Queen. Going running.  Be back soon. Love you.

You smiled like a schoolgirl at your phone, and your heart immediately lifted. You lay back on your pillow and thought of how lucky you were. 

Then, memories of your drunken ramblings came back and you buried your head under your pillow.

You hopped in the shower and tried to forget what you’d said, hoping that Daveed did too. It was the first time in a minute you gotten to shower alone, so you took your time. 

When you came out in your towel, your hair wet and conditioned, you met Daveed who was trying to sneak back in and see you wake up.

Seeing you all wet and sexy in just a towel did something to Daveed. You were surprised, your mouth in that sexy o shape, just like in the fitting room of H & M.

“Hey.” Daveed smiled at you.

“Hey yourself.” 

You smiled back and shifted your weight as water droplets tumbled down your shoulders into the valley between your breasts.  Daveed couldn’t help but stare.  “How was your run?”

“Damn.” Daveed realized too late that you had asked him a question. “I mean…” he chuckled. “It was good.”  He noticed you eying him and realized that he was all sweaty.

‘Damn’ is right you thought, the sweat was running down Daveed’s torso like the water from your shower. He smelled like his cologne mixed with the sea air and more musk. You needed that. Right now.

“I’m all sweaty, can I borrow your shower?”

You walked nearer to him, stopping behind him him in front of the bed. “No.”

Daveed turned his head to question you. “No? You mean I can’t borrow your shower?  You want me to go back to my…”

“No.” You traced your finger in the sweat on his lat muscle and then put it in your mouth. 

“I don’t want you to use my shower, and I don’t want you to go back to yours. At least not right now.”

Daveed turned around and faced you and when he did, you dropped your towel on the bed.  His eyes went where you wanted them to.

“I want to lick the sweat off your abs, your dick and your balls before you do that.”

“Holy shit, Lindy.” Daveed groaned,  grabbed you by the throat and pulled you in for a kiss. “You’re so fucking nasty.”  He kissed you as his cock swelled. “I love it. I love you.”

You sat on the bed and pulled him toward you, getting started on your mission.  You put your tongue in the happy trail of black hair below his navel, flat and wide, and licked a long stripe up and around his belly button. 

The tangy essence of his perspiration contained some kind of aphrodisiac, because you went crazy and would have licked him clean if he hadn’t stopped you to take off his running shorts and shoes.

You watched his dick, thick from desire, spring free and slap his stomach.  You immediately grabbed for it and Daveed stepped out of your reach. You looked up at him, and he returned your gaze. 

Unspoken communication flowed that this was going to be as equals.  You grabbed for it again and he stepped closer, allowing you to palm him as you licked and sucked his sack.

He leaned his head back in ecstasy as you took care of the boys and jacked him off.  Then he looked down at you and you kept eye contact as you licked the tip of his dick, circled it with your tongue and then opened your mouth and deep throated it like a champ.

“Fuuuuuuucckkkkk, Lindy.” Daveed reached for your breasts and squeezed them, pinching and rolling your nipples. You arched your back, and your ass looked amazing on the bed.  Daveed needed to hit that. 

He pulsed at the thought of breaking your back and realized that he was buried deep in your throat at the moment. His eyes came back to yours, which were watering with the effort to breathe around him.  

He didn’t hold you there, but you kept your nose nestled in the wiry hairs at the base of his cock.  Damn.  He wanted to be both places at once. 

He brought his hand up to your wet hair, gently massaging your scalp as you did what you wanted with him.  He had the irrational desire to tattoo your name on it, because nothing would ever compare to you.

You came off of him, sputtering and gasping for breath, a proud smile on your face.  Daveed smiled down at you and wiped your mouth with his hand as you smiled back up at him.  He leaned down and gave you a filthy kiss.

“I want you to pound me from behind.” Your voice was a sexy whisper, making tingles go up his spine.  

“Just what I was thinking. We’re made for each other, Lindy.” He kissed you again.

You quickly pulled away and got on the bed on all fours, ass presented to Daveed.  He just stood there admiring you as he stroked himself for a minute.  

He was trying to meditate, pray, something, because what you’d already done to him and just looking at you was going to make him bust.

You looked back at him, and bit your lip, watching him.  Then, you brought your hand up to your mouth, licked your fingers, and brought it down to start steady, tight circles on your clit, arching your back and giving him a good view of exactly what was happening. 

“Shit.”  

Daveed grabbed your hip and lined up with your cunt, feeling with his tip that you were fluttering around nothing but that.  He whined in the back of this throat as he made himself sink into you slowly, your pussy grabbing him with each millimeter.  He bottomed out. You were stretched out wonderfully.

“You good? How’s that feel?”

You could only whine. “So good. So, so, so good Daveed.  Please.”  You were begging, his dick was pulsing. “Please, please, please Daddy.”  

Daveed groaned again. “Fuck, yeah. You want it?”

“Yeah!”

He started moving.  He thought he was going to pass out it felt so good.

“This shit feels so good, Linden.  You need it?”

“Fuck, yeah, Daddy.  Oh!”  Your arms had collapsed, and your cheek was getting pounded into the mattress as Daveed pistoned into you harder and harder. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

You were so fucking sweet that Daveed was about to paint your insides with his children. But he stopped, causing both of you to curse and pant into the silence. 

The throbbing of his dick and the clenching of your pussy pushed him over the edge, making him lose control and start pumping again. 

You knew he was trying to hold out and the thought that he couldn’t triggered your orgasm and you came, tears coursing out of your shut eyes as you moaned.

Daveed felt you cum with relief, because he was able to make sure you got yours; watching you cum was magnificent. But now it was his turn

“Where do you want it Linden?”

“On my ass Daddy.” You smiled back at him with glazed over eyes, still lost in sex land.

“Fuck!” He pulled out and fisted his cock, spurting all over your beautiful cheeks as he reached around for your sensitive clit. 

He relentlessly held you fast with his arm as you tried to run from the second orgasm that was triggered by his fingers and the feel of his cum dripping down your folds.

“Shit, Daveed!”  He chuckled evilly as you came apart again, leaning down to put his drenched fingers in your mouth.  You made eye contact with him as you sucked his cum off them, and he was almost hard again. Damn.

He collapsed on his back and watched as you lay on your stomach and closed your eyes.

“Looks like we both need a shower now…”

You opened your eyes, and his heart clenched. You were so pretty. So purely Linden.

“Damn, I Love you girl.”  

“I love you too, Daveed.”  You bit your lip at the emotion. “We probably need to shower separately because….. we'll miss our flight.” He knew what you meant.

Daveed frowned.  “You’re not wrong, but we can save time and water if we shower together. I promise I won’t try anything but get squeaky clean.”  He was not trying to have this togetherness end so soon.

You couldn’t help but smile.  You were doomed.  You sighed, gave him a peck and made your way to the shower, him hot on your heels.

----

You boarded the flight back to NYC the same way you boarded the 3 and a half hour flight to PR, with you and Daveed running to the gate to board just in time.

You settled into first class, this time eagerly snuggling up to him in the blanket from jump.  You were whispering and giggling together.  Daveed looked at you and knew what you were thinking.

“Before you say it, let’s wait and join the mile-high club for when we’re not with our friends.”  You peeked through the divide in your seats to find Craig and Rafael behind you. Craig stuck his tongue out at you.

“Yeah, you right. I don’t wanna hear it from this crew.”  

You cuddled happily, on your phones and taking selfies, posting them separately to IG.  Even though you didn’t post the pics of you two together, the fact that Rafael photobombed both of the ones you posted gave the connection away. 

When you deboarded at JFK about 8 o’clock, you and Daveed brought up the rear of the group, not walking slowly, not wanting the weekend to end.  By the time you got to baggage claim, Rafa and Jas and Ant were walking out to the cars that were waiting for them. 

“See you later guys! Thank you again for everything.”  You hugged the Martinez coupled as they went back to Brooklyn.

“Catch you tomorrow Cash.”  Daveed gave Rafael dap and you gave him a hug as he departed.

Craig was at the baggage carousel, just waiting to order the uber for you and he to go back to his place. You were very quiet, lost in your thoughts.

“.....Rafa and I have a late lunch meeting at 1 tomorrow and then rehearsals start Wednesday through Friday at the new venue. Then we have the weekend off and shows start up again next Tuesday. What does your week look like Lindy?”  Daveed wasn’t going to let you slip away from him, physically or mentally.

“Well, I have this Bar exam study session tomorrow afternoon, and I really need to cram for the exam next month. And… oh shit, I have this event  for the law firm I’m clerking at in the fall on Saturday. It’s sort of like an introductory mandatory thing. Black tie.”

Daveed looked at you. “So, I guess you already have a date for that.”

You snapped out of your funk and caught the tone.  “Yeah, I do.” You fought a smile and Craig started shaking his head as he looked at his phone.

“Oh.”  Daveed rocked on his heels and watched for his bag on the carousel.

You tapped his arm and smiled at him, nodding your head toward your cousin. “It’s him.”

Daveed made eye contact with Craig who laughed at him.  

“Sounds dope.” He was very relieved.

“Well, about that Lindy…..” Craig had some news.  “Brian is coming to visit next weekend.  Imma fly my baby out!”  He took in your shocked face.  “What?” 

“Nothing. You grown. And you’re ditching me. That’s always cool.”

Craig shrugged.  “What you won’t do for love.”

Daveed agreed. “So it sounds like you need a date.”

You turned back towards him, a smile on your lips.

“Yeah, sounds like it. You think Rafael is free?”

Daveed bent his head and shook it.  “What time do I need to pick you up, Linden.”

You perked up at the dom voice, and replied immediately. “8 pm.”

“Done.”

“Perfect, and pack a bag, you can stay with Daveed so Brian and I can have the place to ourselves.”

“What makes you think that I want to stay with him, or if he even wants that? You can’t just…”

Daveed interrupted you.  “You’re welcome anytime, Baby Girl.”

You shivered. “Okay…” you almost said, ‘Daddy,’ but you didn’t. Not in front of Craig.

“It’s settled then.” Craig grabbed his bag and you reached for yours, but Daveed grabbed it before you could take it.

You walked out to where you and Craig’s uber waited and the car the Daveed had ordered waited.  Daveed loaded your suitcase after Craig put his in the trunk and got in, giving you two some privacy.

“Text me when you get home.  I’ll call you later, maybe facetime.”  Daveed felt something crazy in his chest at the thought of leaving you.

You nodded and tried to smile up at him, tears pricking your eyes. “I will. I might text you in the uber?”  You didn’t want to be away from him yet.

“Yeah, yeah. Do that. I’ll see you in four days.”

“Just four.” You searched his eyes.  “Ugh! I love you Daveed.”

“I love you too, Lindy.”  You reached up for a kiss and he picked you up to meet him. He put you down and you swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Bye.”

“Bye.”  You waved as he walked toward the black SUV.  You opened the door and then you saw him look back at you, eyes in full puppy dog mode.

You got in the uber, and Daveed got his bag situated and entered the back of the car.  He looked back and saw your uber pull out, his driver waiting for it to pass.  Then, he heard a knock on the other window.

The window rolled down and Daveed peered out at you, smiling.

“Did you mean it when you said I was welcome anytime?” Your smile was irresistible.

“Get that ass in this car, Baby Girl.” 

“Yes, Daddy.”

--------

Will Lindy and Daveed ever be able to be apart?  Is this a healthy relationship or are they going to fast?  Let me know. Please like, comment, and reblog!

Tagging:

@braidedchallah  @einfachniemand @sillyteecup  @ohsoverykeri @theselilwonders @theatrenerd86 @sebastianabucknettastan @riiyy @lonelydance  @biafbunny @summerofsnowflakes @delaber @honeysucklechocolatedrippin @wreakhavoconmacroissantdiggs @janthonystan @elocinnicole @anh1020 @curtainremote

#Daveed Diggs #daveed diggs fanfiction #daveed diggs x reader #daveed fic #daveed imagine #daveed diggs x black reader #daveed diggs x oc #daveed diggs imagine #daveed diggs x ofc reader #daveed diggs fluff #daveed diggs smut #daveed x Linden #daveed x lindy #daveed x you #hamilfam #Rafael Casal #jasmine cephas jones #Anthony Ramos #bay boys

[sodasback]

Coconut Chapstick - For You Series

JJ Maybank x Allie Routledge (John B.’s younger sister)

Reposted from my deleted account:

JJ was out sitting on the dock, just looking out at the water. He heard the back door to the Chateau’s porch slam and saw Allie coming outside looking distressed. He could tell even from that distance that she was holding back tears and she placed her hands on top of her head and paced like she did when she was really upset. He turned back towards the water, letting her have her moment and because he wasn’t in the best mood either. 

Allie took several deep breaths and paced back and forth until she saw JJ sitting out on the dock. At first, she thought she would just leave him be, but she figured she could use some patented JJ Maybank lightheartedness right about now anyway. 

JJ heard her steps down the dock, but didn’t turn around. 

“Hey loser” He greeted her with their usual term of endearment as he took another sip from his can of beer and Allie sat down. 

“Hey” she replied, sitting next to him, both their feet dangling just above the water. “What’re you doing out here?” She asked. 

“Existential crisis, teenage angst, nihilistic thought spirals... the usual” He quipped, earning a small chuckle from Allie. 

“Those are some big words there, pretty boy. Did you accidentally eat a thesaurus?” she teased. 

“Ha ha you’re so funny Allie” he griped, nudging her leg with his and then offering his can of beer. John B. had just yelled at them the day prior about not living up to their potential and JJ being a bad influence on Allie and how if Allie continued doing stuff like drinking, he was gonna send her to live with their mom in Colorado. So Allie raised her eyebrows, surprised JJ was already breaking John B’s new rule. 

“Are you gonna take it or what? Because I’d actually rather not share-” He said, starting to pull his offer back, but Allie grabbed the can from him, inciting a smirk to grow on his face.

“No, no. I’ll take what I can get at this point.” Allie said sipping the beer and taking a deep sigh as she looked out at the water with JJ. 

There was a comfortable silence for a couple minutes. 

“You ever just wanna leave?” Allie asked, still looking ahead at the marsh. 

JJ snorted a little, “Are you kidding me? Did you forget who you’re talking to?” He asked, looking at her. 

“Right, right. How could I forget? Yucatan.” 

JJ nodded, “Yep, that’s right. Surf all day and eat lobsters I-”

“You catch with your bare hands? Yeah, I remember now.” They both smiled.

“So little miss perfect, you have dreams of running away too? I don’t think that’s in big bro’s big plan for you.” 

Allie sighed again, “Yeah, well John B. is just setting himself up for disappointment ...and everyone else for that matter.” She added quietly at the end. 

“Wha’dyou mean?” JJ asked; a furrow in his brow now appearing. Allie shrugged. 

“Everyone thinks I just have it all together all the time. And everyone just assumes I’m gonna go off to a big university and do great things. But I have no fucking clue what I want to do. I don’t know what I’m going to study in school. I don’t even know if I want to go to college.” 

“What? Of course you’re going to college.You are like the single most prepared person for college I’ve ever met, including Pope and he’s off at Chapel Hill.” 

“See? Exactly. Everyone just thinks I’m gonna go, and I just always thought I was supposed to too but... what if I’m not?” 

JJ contemplated her words for a minute and looked at her and she looked back at him, finally seeing the other side of his face the first time that day. JJ looked at her in confusion as he saw her thoughtful expression quickly turn into worry and concern before she reached up and grabbed his chin.

“Owww” JJ exclaimed as Allie not-so-gently wrenched his face toward her so she could get a better look at the damage. 

“Oh my god JJ! What happened to your face?” Allie’s question instinctually slipped out, even though she pretty much already knew. Although, knowing JJ he could have gotten the cut on his lip and the black eye from several different right hooks on the island. 

“Jesus, Al. Careful! .. Well, you can cut anything from the medical field out from your list of potential majors because you are about as gentle as a gorilla.” Allie ignored this comment and just continued looking at his face in concern, waiting for him to answer her initial question. “...I had to go home to get some stuff.” He mumbled, gently moving her hand off his face and looking back at the water. 

"JJ” She said in an aching voice, “I don’t get why you go back there at all anymore. You should just move in here. You’re done with school, you’re 18.” 

JJ was quiet. He didn’t know why he kept going back to be honest. Allie reached out and grabbed his hand squeezing it. 

“You know how amazing I think you are right?” She asked him with a small smile. 

JJ scoffed, “Yeah, I’m so amazing. I’m an 18 year old homeless, stoner surfer who busses tables and mows lawns, who’s only goal is to run away to Mexico.”  He said with dark sarcasm. Allie furrowed her brow, deeply troubled by JJ’s perception of one of her favorite people. 

“Hey” she said getting him to look at her. “You’re so much more than that and you fucking know it. Don’t give me this self-deprecating bullshit. You’re JJ fucking Maybank. Best surfer I know. Can fix anything with a motor. Can charm any room. Got a 5 on your AP Spanish test. ...And you’re a pretty good kisser, I guess.” Allie shrugged at the last part. 

JJ chuckled, “Yeah? How would you know?” JJ asked, nudging into her again. 

Allie gasped in shock,  “Wow, J. I am deeply hurt. You don’t remember?! ... you were my first real kiss. ...Right here on this dock. ...I was like 12 I think or 13 and getting ready for my first boy-girl party and I was out here trying to practice kissing my own arm. And you came out and made fun of me and then offered to teach me?” She said trying to jog his memory and blushing at the last part as revelation washed over JJ’s face. 

“Okay, I was way more smooth than that though! ... yeah, do your lips still taste like coconut chapstick?” He teased, but paused when he saw the way Allie was looking at him.

“You could find out” she said quietly. Then her gaze moved from looking in JJ’s eyes to looking down at JJ’s lips as they started to lean in to each other. 

“Yoooo!” Pope yelled walking down to the dock as JJ and Allie instantly pulled back, turned away from each other and scooted in opposite directions. JJ coughing awkwardly, before realizing his best friend was back. 

“Hey college boy!” Allie recovered from the moment more quickly, standing up to give Pope a hug. 

Taglist: @abbyj1822 @october-cameron @moonrisebeach @hernameisnoell @moniamaybank @railmerafe @phantompogues @jeyramarie @gabiatthedisco

#jj maybank #JJ Maybank x OC #JJ Maybank x Allie Routledge #For You Series #Outer Banks #outer banks imagine #obx #obx fan fiction

[limitlessgojo]

Blood Bound: Blackened Bond (Ch 15.5)

Warnings: Action, Coarse Language, Fighting, Descriptions of Blood

Previous Chapter: Shadows Fall

Next Chapter: Non-Standard

Word count: 2.4k

Tags: Kamo Noritoshi x Reader, Soulmates AU, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Reader

Taglist: @lessie-oxj @rizzo-nero @whoreuc @fkngkumiko @isl3t @gojoussunglasses @onepotatostand-blog @s-t-f-u-b-i-t-c-h @sunaswife @lordguameow @track5enthusiast @nayydoesthings

Notes: If you want to be tagged for every update, and specify if you're okay with nsfw posts or not, please mention it in the comments below ty❤

Author's Notes: This is a deleted chapter but I decided to just put it as an extra/half chapter. I took a step back to assess my drafts and deemed that it didn't need to be in the story for it to be cohesive. But this is full of extra info that will be quite significant in the chapters to come^^

土御門天皇

Chapter 15.5: Tsuchimikado

“Geto Suguru has pronounced war against the Jujutsu Society. We are expecting there to be an ambush here in Kyoto and one in Tokyo Shibuya. We must prepare thoroughly. Amongst the students we will only be asking Jujutsushi of Grade 3 or higher to assist us in this battle. And you may opt out if you do not wish to fight. But your help will be highly appreciated, especially on such short notice.” Principal Gakuganji ended his speech by looking at you dead in the eye.

And deep in your gut, you knew you didn’t have so much as a choice. You were going to fight this battle as a Special Grade sorcerer (and being the only one in this room at the moment), whether you liked it or not. So you gave a short nod in return.

“I’ll be joining. As the future clan head of the Kamo clan and the eldest son, this is not a matter to be ignored or taken lightly.” Your head whipped around to face Noritoshi and to your biggest surprise he was looking straight at you. Then he turned to nod to Principal Gakuganji who nodded back approvingly.

“I’m always up for a good fight, so of course I’ll be joining. Can’t miss out on a chance to beat down curses.” Todo grinned and cracked his fists.

“Will you join, Tsuchimikado?” Utahime asked.

Everyone was silent as you looked at her then the Principal. “Of course I will.”

Everyone else called out to say if they were participating or not. After the meeting was finished after several more announcements, and you left back for your dorm rooms.

◇◇◇

The next day, Utahime sensei called in some students plus Hiroki into her office. You all filed in, wondering what it was about. Hiroki nudged you, “Why am I here with yall kids?” You pinched him in return.

Outside the door, you went face to face with Noritoshi. He gently called your name, “Good morning Y/N.” You just purse your lips and nod.

In this time of war, you need to set aside all personal matters. It’s all business; everyone had to cooperate together to have a chance of surviving.

You counted and named the people present. Noritoshi, Todo senpai, You and Hiroki. That was it.

Utahime let you all sit down on chairs facing her desk before calling your attention, “So, I called you all here today, because we have some information on the possible curses that might appear here at Kyoto. As you know, Geto Suguru has the ability to manipulate and take in curses.

We know of some grade 1 and special grade curses. I decided that amongst the students, the three of you are the most capable in handling those. Hiroki san, you’ve stated that you’ll be fighting alongside your cousin, so I brought you in here today so that both of you can prepare together.”

He grinned, “Of course Utahime san. We got this in the bag sis.” He punched you softly in the arm, and you softly hit him in the head. A childhood habit of yours.

So Utahime sensei then explained and listed off the curses that are known to be in his possession. All of you paid close attention and took notes. Most were Grade 1 and 2.

“And finally. We know of another Special Grade curse, the Giant Black Tsuchigumo of Kyoto. This curse is-” she continued to speak, but it felt like radio static on your end. You couldn’t hear anything anymore.

The blood drained out of both your and Hiroki’s faces. ‘Huh? I thought that nightmare was already done and gone. Whatthefuck’

Your right hand shot out to grab at Hiroki. Utahime paused at the sudden movement. It was getting harder to breathe, and you could feel the onset of the panic attack kicking in.

You’ve done so well recovering from anxiety attacks over the years, but this just made you feel so helpless. “Sorry, can’t breathe.” You gasped out.

“Give her space!” Utahime and the others pushed back the chairs and desk. Hiroki caught you as you leaned your forehead against the top of his chest and settled on the ground.

“Breathe in 2 3 4, hold 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, out 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9, and again,” Hiroki repeated your go to breathing exercises, ignoring how your nails dug into his arms. It took you a good 7 minutes to calm down. “I’m so sorry,” you apologized, wiping your sweaty palms off your thighs.

You looked down at your hands to see them still shaking. Utahime, Noritoshi and Todo were all kneeling with you on the floor. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Utahime patted your head lightly.

“Tsuchigumo. That big black one is dead. I have no idea which one you’re talking about right now, but the one that reigned in Kyoto is dead.” you said. “Gojo Satoru and I killed that curse back in late 2007.”

Noritoshi inched closer to you. Hiroki stiffened, watching him closely, but he didn’t do anything to close the gap. He just stayed by your other side, a silent and steady presence.

Utahime reached out to wipe your sweat with a towel. You only noticed now that the room has been rearranged, chairs pushed away to make a bit of space. There were cushions on the ground for everyone to sit on.

“Drink.” Hiroki pushed a cup of hot tea into your hands. You nearly spilled it, but he cupped your hands firmly, helping you drink. You leaned against your cousin, sighing at his warmth.

Hiroki spoke up, “As you can see, it is a bit of a touchy subject for the both of us. Our clan had a bad run in with that Tsuchigumo years back when sis was only 6 years old. But we are pretty sure that, like she said, Gojo and Geto san have gotten rid of it.”

Utahime nodded, “Geto did huh. Then he must have taken it in during that time.”

Noritoshi looked at you and realized that something far worse than just an attack happened. “Your sister,” he spoke quietly, “was she…?”

Hiroki raised his eyebrows. “Yes, our Sora was killed by that Tsuchigumo.”

The atmosphere in the room turned heavy and almost unbearable. Utahime looked concerned, “We need as much information on that Tsuchigumo as we can. Y/n, can you tell us anything?”

Oh yeah, just the one memory you’ve desperately tried to forget your entire life. Still you nodded.

Hiroki squeezed you.

“So basically.” You paused. “One night when I was 6, Sora neechan was like 10 years old. We got attacked near the Kiyomizu shrine. It was getting late, the sun was setting. But we were up at Daimonji-yama to play, and there were barely any people around. It wasn’t too dark yet, but it was really quiet.” Your teeth were practically chattering.

Noritoshi met your eyes and for a moment you wanted him to hold you. Until you remembered you were supposed to be angry with him, so you brushed it off and looked elsewhere.

“Satoru nii and Geto san were actually in Kyoto at that time to visit us. So I remember calling Toru nii and screaming for help, he was on my speed dial. He told us that we could call for help anytime. We are pretty much like siblings to each other. So he would always come to our aid. Right niichan?”

You leaned into Hiroki as he let out a small “Yep. He never lets us down. Dumb as he is.” Your lips actually quirked into a small smile at that.

“Sora and I basically had to hold off the curse until they got there. But it was strong. As you know, Tsuchigumo are earth spiders. But this particular one reigned in Kyoto for so long. Like centuries. It was so strong it ate every other tsuchigumo, making it grow bigger. Still, it rarely comes out to feed and is adept at hiding. We like to think of it as a smart curse. Every bite is laced with poison.”

“Back then I only mastered basic freezing and wind manipulation techniques. I couldn’t make barriers yet. And it really…” you closed your eyes remembering that sense of helplessness you’ve felt like never before.

“It was the worst 10 minutes of my life. I couldn’t do anything to hurt it. I had another technique I was working on, but it involved using reverse cursed techniques which I didn’t perfect yet. And I didn’t like playing with fire as much as I did with water and ice.”

“I froze it several times, but my technique was way too weak. It kept breaking free. Sora nee didn’t even have a cursed technique; she couldn’t fight. But still she felt responsible for me since she was older, so she …” you stopped. You closed your eyes and tightened your fist.

At this point your nails were drawing blood from your palms, but you didn’t feel the pain. “It’s so stupid really.” You laughed out loudly trying to distract everyone from the tears that were forming in your eyes.

Noritoshi reached out to you. But Hiroki’s eyes flashed at him in warning and he dropped his hands. Your heart squeezed painfully.

“I was just a stupid kid, who let her weaker sister take the shot of poison from that Tsuchigumo, instead of facing it head on. She wouldn’t let go of me no matter how hard I tried to put her behind me. A huge part of me was scared and terrified that night of course. I didn’t know what to do and I was such a coward. It was about to hit me until Satoru nii came.” You took a deep breath and forced out the remainder of the story.

“So I actually did manage to activate my reverse cursed technique towards the end, but it was too much. I burned nearly half of the mountain…. My mom had to help in restoring a large part of it afterwards. Satoru finished it off and carried us away immediately.”

“But Su- Geto san. Like he has the cursed spirit manipulation right? I never realized if he took it in or not really. I never particularly cared about it that night, because Sora nee was dying in my arms.” You rushed your words and pushed further into Hiroki’s arms.

“It was a bad omen for our clan,” Hiroki’s teeth were gritted tight as he relived your stories. “For such a powerful and evil curse to share a part of our namesake, only to hurt one of our own. After that day, we hunted down all the Tsuchigumo we could find across the entire country as a priestess told us to do so to cleanse our clan of a lingering curse. But… for some reason it was never enough. Now we know… it still lives with Geto san.”

“What painful memories,” Todo cried. “We will help you take it down, y/n. And I don’t doubt that you can defeat it the way you are right now.” You were touched by his words.

“But can you face it once more?” He asked.

“I’ve been training all my life for a day like this. Of course I’m going to throw that thing into the depths of hell.”

“Careful there.” Hiroki nii was eyeing you carefully. “You tend to rush headfirst when you’re being controlled by your emotions. You’re too reckless lil sis.”

“That’s true.” Noritoshi hummed. You glared at him. “If it’s to save a life, why not.” You shot back and had a stare off with Noritoshi.

More like a one sided glare on your part and him lovingly looking back at you with a sad smile. Noritoshi’s bond mark burned.

"Ahem." Hiroki cleared his throat loudly and everyone turned to him. "I'll be watching over lil sis here so it should be fine. I'll be joining this war anyways."

You smiled at your cousin gratefully.

“Well then. That was the last curse that needed explaining. I think the four of you are suited to taking them down. You’re all dismissed.”

You all nodded at Utahime, rising to your feet along with everyone else.

◇◇◇

“Y/n! I need to talk to you.” Mai said urgently. She followed you back to the first year dorms after class. You had told the first years about the special grade curses you were expecting to see in the war.

Mai looked particularly shaken upon hearing about the death of Sora. She was always the cool and calm one amongst the first years, besides Mechamaru that is. So this was very new.

“Of course, come into my room.”

You served her tea and cakes, before kneeling down on your floor cushion.

Mai threw her arms around you. Your eyes widened as her arms tightened around your shoulder. You cautiously put your arms around her.

“I know how it feels….. To lose an older sister.”

You flinched, “Is yours-”

“She’s alive.” There was a different pain in her eyes. And that was then you realized that she must have been left behind.

“Grief is the loss of a person. Someone could be going through a divorce or a break-up and experience grief. You could lose an important person, while they’re still alive and it’s still considered grief.” Mai said.

You wanted to cry, but your eyes ran dry. All you’ve been doing is crying yourself to sleep night after night lately. Your soul was still longing for Sora when she couldn't be reached anymore.

Noritoshi was different. He made it clear that he’s still running after you, never stopping to call out your name even if you ignore him in the hallways. But you were not willing to touch on his matter as of now.

Mai told you all about Maki and her life in the Zenin clan. How she was left behind and forced to be a Jujutsu sorcerer. Everyone has their issues deep inside, but you’re all still pushing and coping as you fight curses.

You buried your hair into Mai’s chest. “I’m sorry you experienced that Mai. You’re such a brave woman for doing this everyday even though you’re afraid of curses.”

“You get used to it.” She sniffed.

You sat there for a while, just hugging her.

“Wanna watch sappy romcoms with me?” You peeked up at her from her arms. “Of course.” You both smiled at each other.

Author’s notes: Tsuchimikado translates to “Emperor of the Earth”, while Tsuchigumo translates to “Earth Spider”. Thus, with how Tsuchi (meaning earth), both names share common Kanji. They are a strong clan that can heal and guard living beings and plants. And Tsuchigumo are expected to be easily defeated by them, being an earth creature. But, as Hiroki said, it was a very bad omen when Sora was killed by one.

Blood Bound: Table of Contents

#angst #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk fanfiction #jjk imagines #jjk x you #jjk x reader #blood bound #blackened bond #bonus extra

[blossom-hwa]

Light the Pyres |Burn| - SUNGYOON

This chapter hurt so much I'm really sorry

Pairing: Sungyoon x gender neutral!reader

Genre: angst, bits of fluff, apocalypse!au

Triggers: cursing, implied death, semi-graphic depictions of blood

Word Count: 7.9k

As the world burns its last goodbyes, you find a jewel amidst the ashes.

Previous: Rise >> Burn

Golden Child Masterlist

If times were normal, three weeks stuck in the same space with anyone but Daeyeol or your mother would probably drive you insane. Only seeing one other person’s face for days after days on end? You’d almost rather be alone.

But whether it be because you have shared memories and common grief or simply because you’re compatible human beings, Sungyoon isn’t difficult to live with, not in the slightest. You don’t fight over food or water or living in the same space. His voice doesn’t grate on your nerves, even after a week of him being the only person you can talk to. He isn’t almost pleasant company anymore – he’s just pleasant.

Maybe even a little more than that.

Over one, two, then three weeks, you come apart to each other, exposing small bits of yourselves from beneath threads frayed by the apocalypse. Sungyoon craves coffee more than anything in the world. He used to be the fastest runner on his high school track team. He tells you his favorite color is black, and just to keep the conversation going you decide that black isn’t a real color since it’s technically the absence of all color, which sparks a debate that maybe grows a little too loud every once in a while but by the end, you’re laughing at Sungyoon’s indignant expression that slowly cracks into a smile.

Laughing. Not smirking. At something not morbid or deadly.

It feels almost surreal, being able to smile at a topic so inane.

“What’s your credibility, huh?” Sungyoon asks when you’ve stopped laughing, having given into a grudging smile himself. It makes his face look sweeter, gentler. “What makes you an expert on colors or the absence of them?”

“I did mechanical engineering in university,” you say, leaning back against the wall. Memories threaten to flood your mind but you keep them at bay, closing your eyes against the onslaught. “Took a few chemistry classes as a requirement. We learned about colors at some point.” You open your eyes and shrug. “It was kind of interesting, but not enough for me to change my major.”

“Mechanical engineering,” Sungyoon echoes, staring up at the ceiling. You kind of have to give it to him – you might be bored sitting around in this empty house sometimes, but he’s confined to the bed if he isn’t using the bathroom and he hasn’t complained yet. “That’s cool. Is that how you got that car to work before?”

“Yeah.” You swallow, a slightly bitter taste in your mouth at the memories of your almost finished second degree. “Mom was a mechanic. I grew up around cars and machines. I was almost done with my master’s when…”

When the apocalypse began and I started out across the country to find my mom.

From Sungyoon’s silence, you gather that he understands what you haven’t said. He also seems to understand you don’t want to talk about it and thankfully changes the topic. “I did sports medicine,” he says. “And I minored in music.”

You sit up. “Music? What did you play?”

“I can play a little piano, but I mostly sing – sang,” he corrects himself, a faraway look coming into his eyes.

You don’t miss the switch from present to past tense. Mood dampened, you both sit in silence for a moment, mourning the loss of your lives before they’d barely begun.

“I used to play piano,” you finally say, trying to salvage the conversation. “I wonder if it’s still at home,” you mumble, more to yourself than anybody.

“If it’s any consolation, people aren’t really looking for valuables at a time like this.” Sungyoon gives you a lopsided smile. “Assuming… well, even if people have broken in, I don’t think the piano would be the first thing they were looking for.”

You know Sungyoon means to comfort you, but the implication that anything happened to your house, to your home makes your heart stutter. It’s not a strange thing, people breaking into houses. Oftentimes they’re already open, the occupants either dead or fled. 

But it’s your house, your home, and the thought that anything might’ve happened to it with your mom there flips your stomach.

Hypocrite. You’re sitting in one of those stolen homes right now, but you have a problem with people sitting in yours.

“Y/N?”

You look over to see Sungyoon staring back, concern in his expression. Swallowing, you try to smile. “Sorry, what?”

“Nothing,” he says. “You just went quiet for a bit.” He raises an eyebrow. “Thoughts?”

What do you say? Do you tell Sungyoon what you’re really thinking? Do you tell him you’re terrified of coming home to a house that’s been ransacked and laid bare? Do you tell him you’re scared of finding your mom in an empty home with nothing around her left, that you’re even more scared of finding an empty home with no mother inside?

You curve your lips, trusting Sungyoon won’t ask even if he sees that the smile doesn’t reach your eyes. “No,” you lie. “It’s nothing. So.” You look at him, your smile turning a little more genuine. “You sing?”

. . . . .

He does. He sings.

Beautifully.

His voice breaks sometimes, of course. Weeks of forced silence have taken tolls on both of your throats, and even speaking hurts if you talk too long. But the longer he sings, the longer his song fills your ears, the stronger his voice grows, rich and powerful even in his hushed melodies. It wraps around you like a blanket or a shawl, warming your skin in a way even the sun can’t.

When he first spoke to you so many weeks ago, told you not to hurt yourself by kicking the car down that one horrible day, you thought he could be a singer, thought that his voice was smooth, clear. Like Daeyeol’s. You hated it then, when it only reminded you of your best friend and what he was no longer around to do, what you had lost trying to save this boy with a nice voice who didn’t deserve it.

You still hear hints of Daeyeol’s clarity in Sungyoon’s quiet song. Even more obvious is the love of music in Sungyoon’s eyes that perfectly matches that of your dead friend. The few times Daeyeol hummed old songs to get you to sleep when the sun was still up, he always wore that look in his eyes. It fit him like a second skin, that soft love for music dancing in his expression, and you would try to keep that look in mind as he soothed you into sleep. It brought you both back to better times, when death didn’t lurk around every corner.

It hurts a little to see this look in Sungyoon’s face, for sure, but it also soothes another pain, the pain of knowing that you’ll never see Daeyeol ever again until it’s your turn to go. Because even though you’ll never gaze on his face again during your time on this earth, you’ll still see bits of him, hear parts of him in Sungyoon’s eyes and voice. Where that reminder might’ve felt like a stab in the chest before, it now smooths a blanket over your body, wrapping you in the knowledge that Daeyeol will always live with you, in your memories and in Sungyoon’s voice.

Sungyoon doesn’t ask why you’re crying when he finishes his song, even though he can definitely see you wiping away tears from your perch at the foot of his bed. You don’t make an effort to hide it, really – you’ve done worse things in front of him than cry, and besides, he looks a little teary himself. For a moment, you only sit in your respective positions, trying to rein in your tears until he breaks the silence again.

“That was my sister’s favorite song,” he whispers. “She played it so much that Bomin once threatened to delete it off of her playlist.”

You swallow at the mention of his sister and her boyfriend, guilt snaking its way up your chest. It’s a little easier to ignore right now, though, especially when you realize that this is the first time Sungyoon’s put a name to either of the two people you shot. “Bomin was her boyfriend?” you ask.

He nods. “I never said?”

As you shake your head, it only just occurs to you how little you know of Sungyoon’s family. You haven’t said that much – he knows about your mom and Daeyeol, but little of anyone else – but even that seems like a lot compared to what little he has (more like hasn’t) said about his family. You don’t even know his sister’s name.

You’re not even sure you want to. Putting a name to dead faces, faces that you shot bullets through…

Swallowing, you shake your head again, this time more trying to clear your head than say no. “No, you never mentioned it.”

“Oh.” He pauses. “Bomin was Sumin’s boyfriend. Sumin was my sister.”

Bomin. Sumin. The addition of two names to your repertoire (and the past tense for Bomin) nearly makes your head spin. Bomin with dyed, pale hair, Sumin with dark. Bomin with chiseled, handsome features marred by white skin and dark veins. Sumin with a round, soft face and eyes that probably would’ve looked lovely with a smile had they not been shrunken with disease.

You didn’t know either of them at all, which just makes the fact that you put a bullet through each of their heads even worse.

In fact, you pressured Sungyoon into letting you do it.

Both of you agreed not to apologize anymore. But the only words hanging on the tip of your tongue consist of I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Sungyoon, I’m sorry –

“It wasn’t your fault.”

You blink. “What?”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Sungyoon’s eyes bore into yours softly, understanding and reproachful all at once. “That’s what you were thinking, wasn’t it? Bomin and Sumin.”

Despite everything, a wry little smile curls the corner of your mouth. “Was it that obvious?”

“Only to someone who saw what happened.” Sungyoon shifts on the bed, sitting up against the wall. “You didn’t kill them, Y/N. The zombies did.”

“See, I know that.” You stare at your hands, the smile wiped from your lips. “Logically. But –”

“Your brain won’t let you,” Sungyoon finishes. “Yeah, I know. It’s the same with me and… you know.” He leans forward, fixing your gaze with his. “So I’ll keep saying it until your brain finally figures it out. Okay?”

The tears try to come again, but this time, you hold them back. “Same for you,” you manage, hoping the wobble in your voice isn’t as prominent as it feels to you. “It wasn’t your fault. It never was. And I’ll keep saying that until you know it too.”

Sungyoon turns away. You don’t try to follow his gaze, to probe at his expression. You don’t need to.

It’s enough, this understanding that hangs quiet in the air.

. . . . .

On week three, when Sungyoon’s finally started to limp around the house, Lady Luck puts you in her good graces and you find a source of transportation far better than your legs. You don’t thank her too much, though, since you literally found the two bikes after being chased twice around the same building by a small, though vicious group of zombies.

Even then, a little bit of excitement sparks in your still-racing heart when you pedal up to the front of the house and dump the first bike indoors. Sungyoon pokes his head out through the bedroom at your call.

You grin. “Remember how to ride a bike?”

It takes a second dangerous trip to bring the other one back but you manage, since Sungyoon is still slow on his feet. When Sungyoon feels ready to try it out, you watch closely as he slings himself onto the cracked seat, ready to catch him if he falls.

He does, twice. But the third time, he actually starts wobbling up and down the front of the house, pedaling slowly but steadily.

A cry almost escapes your throat when he turns around on the street, pedaling back with sparkling eyes and lips curving in a rare smile of success. But though you stifle the sound, you can’t help but run up and hug him when he dismounts, one hand holding the bike steady as you wrap the other around his chest.

Sungyoon’s breath catches. The little gasp in his throat reminds you of what you’re doing, that he might be uncomfortable, and you go to apologize and pull away, insides curdling with embarrassment.

But then he wraps both of his arms around you, bringing you in closer with a gentle, uncertain grip, hands locked loosely at your waist. And it’s your turn to catch your breath at the subtle warmth of Sungyoon’s thin body, a warmth more comforting than even the rays of afternoon sun beginning to set in the sky.

Human touch. Human comfort. Human warmth. You bury yourself in Sungyoon and he buries himself in you, earlier excitement forgotten in favor of the comforting warmth of the other’s touch.

You don’t say anything about it, even after you let go. You only part naturally, smiling at each other as your arms fall to your sides before finally reentering the house. Sungyoon goes back to lying on the little couch, resting his leg, while you carefully stand the bike by the door and go to find something to eat. Conversation is quiet. Not awkward, not stilted, just quiet. You still don’t mention the hug.

But later that night, after you’ve barricaded the door and freshened up as best you can, Sungyoon is still sitting up in the bedroom. You pause in the doorway. “Sungyoon?”

“It isn’t comfortable on the floor, is it?” he asks, voice strangely stilted. He doesn’t wait for an answer before rushing on. “Come up here. It’ll be easier on your back.”

It takes several moments to process his words before you start protesting, saying the floor isn’t that bad and that you read something about how sleeping on hard surfaces is actually better for your back, but your voice dies away when Sungyoon holds out his arms in the dark, shifting to make room for you on the threadbare mattress.

Something about this feels like it should be wrong. Taking comfort in someone who isn’t Daeyeol or your mom or even one of the friends you left behind, probably never to see any of them ever again. You’ve only known Sungyoon for a matter of weeks. Daeyeol you knew for over twenty years. Your mom, even longer.

And now you’re taking comfort in someone when none of them are around to experience it themselves. Guilt simmers in your chest.

But walking into Sungyoon’s arms sweeps it away.

His touch is just as soft and unsure as it was earlier under the afternoon sun, but if anything, it feels warmer in the dark. And as you gain a little courage, letting him curl closer into you as your breaths begin to even from exhaustion, the touch becomes a little more certain, a little firmer and stronger as he loosens against your body.

One brave hand reaches up, tangles briefly through Sungyoon’s hair. “Goodnight,” you whisper.

He squeezes you once, gently. “Goodnight.”

. . . . .

The fourth week has passed by the time Sungyoon walks without a limp. You really would have wanted to go the first day he could put weight on his leg, but if you had, you wouldn’t have found the bikes. And considering the fact that you only have two bullets left, you’re thankful for a method of quick escape.

“We need to get out of the city,” you say, swinging one leg over your bike. “There are too many zombies here. Just follow me, I think I’ve mapped out how to get to the highway. It’ll probably be smoother from there.”

Sungyoon nods. “Let’s go, then.”

Your heart pounds as you pedal down the streets, quickly, quietly. The rusty bikes creak a little under your weight and with every weird noise you tense, pedaling faster, but street after street, you and Sungyoon ride without too much trouble.

Until you turn a corner and the faint sound of dead groans echoes from farther down the street.

Both of you stop. Sungyoon looks over. “Is there another way?”

“I mean, probably.” You swallow. “But they’re in the direction of the highway and regardless, we’ll have to go past. I don’t… I’m not sure…”

The groans grow louder.

“Let’s see if we can loop around,” you decide, trying to picture the general layout of buildings. “Just… be ready to ride fast.”

Sungyoon almost smirks. “That wasn’t a given?”

You hit him, even as you stifle a smile. But that smile disappears quickly as you ride closer and closer to the sounds of groans.

The first zombie lurches out from behind a collapsed home. It stumbles over the sidewalk, clawing forward, but you and Sungyoon move too fast and leave it quickly behind.

But then a second pops out in the distance. And a third.

Behind you, Sungyoon mutters a curse. You don’t blame him. Much worse words are running through your mind. “Through the cars,” you hiss, weaving between several vehicles stranded on the road. “Harder for them to get us.”

The sound of limbs slapping against metal and glass makes you want to hurl. Groans and shrieks echo off the sides of the cars, overpowering the creaking of your bike and filling your ears with their sickening sound. You pedal fast, fast, faster, swerving between a last car into open road –

Sungyoon races past, surpassing you as a zombie just misses grabbing the wheel of his bike. You pedal harder to catch up, staring straight ahead towards the entrance of the highway that’s finally in sight.

Something brushes your arm. You shriek, almost tipping off balance as dead white fingers flash in your peripherals, but a backwards glance from Sungyoon forces you to stay upright and you pedal forward with a last rush of speed, rolling onto a smooth, zombie-free road.

You ride for what feels like hours until you have to call it quits. Stumbling behind an abandoned truck, you collapse in the shade, legs shaking with exertion and adrenaline. Sungyoon follows quickly, dropping his bike onto the asphalt to sit next to you.

For a moment, you only sit in silence, panting under the hot sun.

Then you heave a shaky breath and start to laugh.

It starts out as a gasp, really. That first breath doesn’t fully go out the way you want it to and you wheeze a gasp, then another, and another and another until your wheezes turn into breathless laughter that treads the line of hysteria but then Sungyoon is starting to laugh too and all you can do is revel in the fact that you can laugh, snort, giggle because you’re alive. You made it out of that infested city alive, alive despite that horde at the end, and God, now you’re trembling because even though you’ve had close encounters with the undead before, you can still feel cold, peeling skin just dragging against your shirt –

You start crying.

Adrenaline seeps out of your body like blood from a wound. Your stomach hurts from laughing. Your eyes ache with tears. You keep feeling that feather light, deathly cold touch brushing your arm, almost like a wisp of wind curling against your skin but so much colder, like ice freezing your veins even under the burning sun.

Cold. Cold. Cold. And no one, not Daeyeol, not your mother, no one to help you out of this icy sun –

Sungyoon’s shaking arms wrap around you, and you remember what it feels like to be warm again.

You grip him tight, tight, tighter, holding onto this last piece of human life. Everyone else you know is dead or probably dead and only Sungyoon is a constant, still here and alive despite the fact that you could’ve split up all those weeks ago.

Until the day you die, you’ll be grateful you chose not to.

He holds you and you hold him until both of you finally stop trembling in the hot shade of the truck, but even then, you latch on just a little bit longer, memorizing the weight of his thin body pressed against yours. Hunger has hollowed his skin and yours, eaten away the muscle that used to cushion your bones, but Sungyoon’s arms still hold a fragile strength that slowly bleeds into you, giving you the courage to wipe away the tears.

That night, after hours of riding on quiet roads, no silent, tentative question hangs in the air like it always has when Sungyoon slumps against your sitting figure, head falling into your lap as you fight to keep your eyes open for first watch. Without hesitation, you tangle your fingers through his curly hair, soothing him into sleep.

Sungyoon is your warmth, just as you are his. Reminders to each other that even in this blackened world of death and ashes, both of you are still alive.

. . . . .

The closer you get to home, the harder sleep comes. You don’t know why. It should be the opposite, right? You’re closer to your goal. Closer to your mom.

But that also means you’re closer to uncertainty. Closer to the Schrodinger’s cat-type limbo where you don’t know whether or not your mom is still alive. Only with Schrodinger’s cat, there’s an exactly fifty percent chance that the animal is dead. Or so you think. It’s been some time since you had time to think about quantum mechanics.

Doesn’t matter. Odds are now, the scale’s been tipped a little further in that direction. 

You don’t know what you’ll do if she’s dead.

Scratch that. You kind of know what you’ll do. Scream. Cry, probably. Either that or just go silent.

You don’t know what you’ll do if she’s just disappeared.

Because then there’s Schrodinger’s cat again, constantly hovering between life and death. Knowing at least gives you facts – you’ll be certain as to whether she’s dead or alive.

Not knowing will rip you apart.

Sungyoon decides it’s enough when you wake up the third time during his second watch, chest heaving from nightmares where you return home alone and there’s no one. Not him, not your mom, not even a single zombie. There’s no blood on the floor or anything to indicate struggle. The house is perfect, just as you left it when you went back to university the last time.

But it’s empty. Cold.

And only silence answers your calls.

“Okay, that’s it.” Sungyoon’s tone is softer than his sharp words. He gently grips your shoulders, pulling you up in the darkness. “What’s wrong? What are you dreaming of?”

You shiver even in his hold, remembering the chill of the empty house, the choking silence that greeted your calls. How do you begin to describe that, the fear of not knowing whether or not your mother is alive?

Then it hits you.

Sungyoon will understand. He has to. He walked back to a zombie infested city on an injured leg to find his sister and her boyfriend, Sumin and Bomin, all the while not knowing if they were alive or dead.

“What if she’s not there?”

His grip slackens. “What?”

You swallow. “What if my mom isn’t there?”

For a long moment, both of you stay silent. In the dark, you can’t even make out the expression on Sungyoon’s face.

“I don’t know,” he finally replies. “What will you do?”

Fear ices your throat. You can’t speak. What will you do? If it turns out you came all this way, across an entire country, for nothing?

“What did you do?” you manage once it feels like your vocal cords have thawed. “When you went back and…?” A wince of guilt and shame keeps you from saying more.

Sungyoon falls quiet. You recognize this silence not as brooding, not as angry, but thinking. Contemplative. It eases the tightness in your chest.

“It felt like everything was lost to me,” he finally says. “They were all I had left. When it finally hit me that they were gone…” He shakes his head. “But that’s not what you meant, right? You’re asking about before. When I didn’t know.”

You nod, curling closer into him. “Yeah.”

“I don’t know,” Sungyoon says. “Honestly, I don’t know how I dealt with it. All I know is that it was eating at me so much that I had to go back and find out myself. So I was an idiot.”

There’s a little smile in his voice, a twitch of the lips that you can hear in his last few words. Your mouth almost curves, too. “But what if we go back and I still don’t know?” you ask. “What if she’s just… gone?”

“It’ll be your choice whether or not you want to leave it at that or keep looking,” Sungyoon answers after a pause. “I can’t make the decision for you. But…”

You look up. “But?”

“You know what kept me going after all of that?” He doesn’t wait for a reply. “The fact that you offered to let me come with you, despite what had happened. It was the fact that someone, more or less a stranger, gave me a place with them.”

“Really? I honestly thought you were going to laugh in my face as soon as I said it,” you admit. “I’d just… done that, and a few hours later, I was asking you to walk across an entire country with me.” You wince. “Not exactly bonding material.”

“I won’t lie, I kind of considered it.” Sungyoon seems to shrug in the darkness. “But even then, I knew you weren’t evil, regardless of what happened. You still lost a friend. You were still trying to stay alive. And when you talked about your mom…” He sighs. “What I’m saying is you were there for me, Y/N.” His grip on your hand tightens softly. “And whatever happens when we get to your home, I’ll still be there for you.”

The lump in your throat refuses to let you speak, so you only sink further into Sungyoon’s body, trying to hold back the tears threatening to escape your eyes. He seems to understand. His fingers rise and card through your hair, stroking smooth against your scalp.

If this is how Daeyeol felt every time you did this when he was sick, you now understand why he asked for head pats whenever he wasn’t doing well. It soothes you, even if one or two tears do make their way down your face at the thought of your best friend.

Fuck. You close your eyes. Daeyeol would have found a good friend in Sungyoon, you’re sure. Your mom would probably love him too. More than anything, you wish they were here.

But you still have someone. You have Sungyoon. You have someone you trust, someone you rely on, someone you can hold close at times like this when you start to spiral and can’t force yourself out of your mind.

You’d like to say that Sungyoon feels the same.

“Is that okay?” Sungyoon asks softly, breaking into your thoughts. His fingers keep stroking your hair gently, softly.

Your eyes are starting to close again, weighed down by sleep. Nightmares might be waiting, but Sungyoon’s words and warmth make you think they might stay at bay. You nod against his chest. “Yes,” you murmur. “More than okay.”

“Good.” His hands don’t stop. “Now sleep. There are only a few hours before dawn.”

You don’t need to be told twice, only curl further into him and shut your eyes. As sleep finally begins to roll over you in waves, you sigh. “Thank you,” you whisper.

His breath stirs your hair. “For what?”

A small smile curves your lips.

“For being here.”

. . . . .

The buildings start looking familiar two weeks and five zombie attacks later. There are more undead here, probably because you’re closer to the site of the explosion. Even though you’re still several states away, the virus spread more quickly here than on the other side of the country.

At some point after the third attack, you try to apologize while patching up several scrapes on Sungyoon’s arms. There isn’t even time to stay – you need to keep riding, find a place to take shelter for the night before zombies find you. He doesn’t deserve this.

“You don’t either,” he points out. “Neither of us ever deserved this.”

“But I have to deal with it to get home. You don’t.”

“And I signed up for the ride.” Sungyoon pats a bandage more firmly in place before taking your outstretched hand and standing up. He squeezes your fingers. “Come on, let’s get moving.”

Your heart pounds painfully as you ride down the last stretch of highway, faded signs bearing the name of your hometown. Everything almost looks the same, if you ignore the dried blood spattered along the sidewalks and panes of shattered glass on the streets.

And the zombies milling about at the base of the exit.

Sungyoon stops when you do, frowning when he sees the faint outlines of white skin and blackened veins. “Great.”

You snort, hysteria building in your throat. “Great” is the perfect way to put it. So close, yet so far – separated from your home by a throng of the undead.

There are only a few right now. From here, up on the highway, you can only count four or five. Zombies don’t move fast and if it’s just those few, you could probably outstrip them.

But they’re definitely not the only ones. And you have no way of knowing just how many are left in the city.

Think, think, think! You hit your head lightly. You grew up here, explored the entire city, walked all the roads by the time you went off to college the first time. Even though things have probably changed, they can’t be too drastically different. Any small nooks, any back roads or alleys you can find where zombies aren’t likely to be…

“What do you think will be more zombie infested?” you ask. “Residential roads or the actual city?”

“… City,” Sungyoon says. “More densely packed people, right?”

You bite your lip. He’s right. The highway leads to a road that cuts straight through the middle of the city and it would probably be faster to follow it straight down and just make a few appropriate turns before reaching your home, but it’ll probably be safer to take the longer local path.

Local it is. God, you hope your sense of direction is as good as it used to be.

“We’re going straight down now before more zombies come,” you say, swinging a leg over your bike. “As fast as you can. We turn left at that first traffic light and then be ready to follow me.”

The downward slope of the highway gives you a burst of speed you dearly need once you reach the road. You speed past abandoned cars and several milling zombies that turn to give chase, but you and Sungyoon are already turning left, racing down a street of empty shops and cafes. You used to hang out there with Daeyeol and a few of your friends before –

Not the time. You pedal faster. The groans of chasing zombies has grown fainter, which is good, but there are definitely more.

As if on cue, several sets of gangly, white limbs pop out from behind a building, lurching towards Sungyoon’s bike. He swerves around a car and you grit your teeth to avoid crying out. “Keep going!” you shout, pedaling faster. Faster.

Street signs whiz past. You almost miss the first turn, jerking sharply to the right at the last minute. Sungyoon curses and you look back but he’s following, still following, weaving around zombies and cars as he keeps racing forward.

Right. Left. Straight. Left. More zombies join the chase, relentless even as you and Sungyoon leave them behind, legs straining to keep the speed. 

Left, left, straight. Pedaling uphill is a pain. Your thighs burn and your chest aches but then you’re rolling downhill and you catch your breath before straining once more.

Straight. Right. Right. Left. You pass by your old high school, grass trampled and overgrown in the front.

Left, right. You race down a street lined with houses you used to envy – if you lived closer to school, you wouldn’t have had to get up early for the bus every morning.

Straight. You pedal past a small plaza. Clubs used to congregate in the restaurants for end of year celebrations. It’s where you went with your friends on the last day of high school and where you had dinner with your mom the next day after graduation.

Mom. Mom. You go right, then left, racing past aching memories, all the while conscious of zombies groaning in the background and Sungyoon panting by your side. Mom, I’m almost there. Almost home.

Please be there.

The last street comes into sight. You swing around a last building and a last car, finding yourself on a familiar street that you haven’t seen in years. You pedal slower, slower, until you stop in front of your house.

Memories almost paralyze you. This was where you met Daeyeol when he first moved in. This was where you almost got hit by a speeding car when you were out playing as a child. This was where you walked from every day to the bus stop for over five years to get to school –

Sungyoon grabs your wrist, glancing behind. Already, the sound of groans is growing louder. “Is this it?” he asks, nodding at the front door.

“Yeah,” you breathe. You squeeze your eyes shut, shake yourself out of your daze. “Yeah. Come on.”

With each step forward, you feel like you’re walking back in time. You grow younger and younger, smaller and smaller, until you’re finally pulling out the house key you’ve kept in your bag for so long, waiting for this moment –

You stop, key held uselessly between your fingers as you take in the scuff marks around the doorknob and the lock.

The door has already been forced open at least once.

Sungyoon notices the marks, notices your silence. He pulls open the door anyway and shoves you inside, slamming it shut behind you.

He plucks the key from your hand. Locks the door with a faint, familiar click. 

You look around in a daze, taking in overturned furniture, books and magazines strewn over the floor, cabinets left open from what you can see in the kitchen. Clouds of dust spring up where you step.

You sneeze. The sound brings you back to the present.

Your home has been ransacked. Someone broke in and took what they thought was worth taking, leaving behind furniture and books and the piano standing against the wall. Someone broke in and either spared your mother or killed her –

Or she wasn’t there in the first place.

You can feel Sungyoon’s eyes following your movements as you step forward, slow and cautious. Dust itches your throat and burns your eyes but you keep moving, surveying the damage. “Mom?”

There’s no sign of human life. Not a footprint in the dust, not a handprint on the wall. But there’s also no blood. No sign of struggle.

So where is she?

“Mom?”

Panic seizes your chest and you walk forward faster, looking into the kitchen as if she’ll be hiding somewhere there. When she doesn’t appear, you turn into the bathroom, the bedrooms, but only a mess of dust and objects meets your eyes. “Mom?”

No one replies.

She’s not here.

You try to reason it away. Maybe she’s out looking for food. Maybe she’s hiding. But you don’t have a basement or second floor so there’s nowhere she could be, and why would she be hiding, anyway? As for food…

Dust comes away on your fingertips as you drag them along the floor. Somewhere along the way, you sank down against the wall, alone in the hallway. Bits of dust rise with every breath you take.

If she was just looking for food, the house would still appear lived in. There wouldn’t be so much dust and dirt everywhere.

But she might have had to leave when people broke into the house. Right?

Or not. You swallow, tears starting to flow down your face. There was no sign of struggle, no blood or cracks in the wall. Just overturned furniture, probably from someone’s careless movements while looking for necessities.

Which means she isn’t here.

Not here. Not here. Not here not here not here not here – you came all this way and survived so many attacks and even lost Daeyeol and she’s not here –

And –

Daeyeol –

A cracked, broken sound emerges from your throat and your pounding head falls into your hands. You came this whole way and watched Daeyeol shoot himself just to find the dusty, empty house from your nightmares –

“Y/N.”

You turn your head to see Sungyoon in the hallway, holding a piece of paper in one hand. His face is pale.

He holds out the paper before you can work through the lump in your throat to ask what’s wrong. “I think you should read this.”

. . . . .

It’s long past dark and you still can’t sleep. Sungyoon drifted off about an hour ago, but even though you lie under the same sheet next to him on the floor, not even his warmth can lull you into dreamland this time.

Well. Probably more like nightmare land. The piece of paper crinkles in your hand, as if to remind you of what you’ve lost.

You try to close your eyes against the words that seem to flash in your vision. No use. They’ve tattooed themselves to the backs of your eyelids, trembling letters written in your mother’s familiar scrawl…

Y/N, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I’m most likely dead.

Why did she feel the need to apologize for being dead? If anything, it’s your fault for not getting here fast enough.

Of course, there is the chance that I’m just out looking for food and will come back soon, but if I’m not home by night, it isn’t likely.

Night has gone and passed. It’s probably closer to morning.

Every time I leave the house, I put out this note. That way, in case you manage to find your way back, you’ll have this much left from me.

Tears start to build up again behind your still puffy eyes.

I heard you on that phone call. I knew you would come back or at least die trying. Because that’s who you are, Y/N, my strong, darling child. Brave to the last.

Brave. Ha. If only she knew how much you relied on others to keep you sane. First Daeyeol, then Sungyoon…

I miss you. Every day I miss you. But I have hope that you will come home one day, return to this house, even if I’m not there to welcome you.

She wasn’t.

If you are reading this note and I am not there, don’t blame yourself. It isn’t your fault. Nothing is certain, especially not our lives, not mine, not yours. If it was my time, then it was my time. Don’t hurt yourself, thinking you should have gotten here before.

But you could have. Maybe you should have. Sungyoon certainly thought so, judging from his silence as you read the note. He read it too, before you, and you know he was thinking you should have left him and his fractured leg back at that house in the city infested with zombies, left him and come back four weeks earlier to hopefully find your mother, alive and whole –

You don’t think you could’ve chosen differently, though. Sungyoon was there, right in front of you, injured and broken and you couldn’t just leave him behind. Even if your mother had still been here then (which you don’t think she was – the thick layer of dust all over the house speaks of over a month of disuse), would you even have made it back? Or, alone, would you have fallen to the trap of your own mind?

And even if you had returned in time, how would she have thought of you, knowing you left an injured person behind? You wouldn’t have been able to keep it from her. It would’ve spilled out, sometime.

Your heart clenches. Even though there logically wasn’t much you could do, it still hurts to think that you might’ve had a last chance to see her before she went.

Always remember that I love you, Y/N. You have always been the pride of my life. You are strong and brave, and if anyone is to survive this disaster, I pray it is you, both as my child and as a ray of hope for the future. We know something like this can’t happen again. I know you. I know you will help prevent it.

The tears start to spill. Again.

I love you. I miss you. I hope I will see you soon, but not before it is truly your time.

- Your loving mother

Tears fall harder, faster. You turn, pulling yourself out of the blanket so you won’t wake Sungyoon, and sit there, shaking with silent sobs.

I love you too. And I miss you even more.

You have little left of your mother but this note. All her clothes were taken from her room, the sheets of her bed pulled away, even her toolbox laid empty. Trinkets from shelves and tables lay smashed on the floor, fallen from careless searching. A few framed pictures survived. Little more. You don’t even have her body – you can’t even bury her, your mom, your hero, you can’t even give her the same respects you paid Daeyeol –

Your watery eyes light on the shadow of the piano, hidden in the darkness. The lid covering the keys is still closed, protecting them from dust, just the way you left it when you went back to university.

As if in a trance, you stand, walking towards the piano and settling on the dusty bench. You haven’t grown in the years since you’ve been at school and it’s still pulled the same distance back, leaving just enough space for you to stretch your hands out on the keys once you’ve lifted the lid. Dust billows and you cough, batting it away, but you put your hands back on the keyboard.

And begin to play.

It’s your mother’s favorite piece, a sonata’s slow second movement that she said never failed to calm her after a long day. But you don’t play it well – your fingers slip. You don’t remember all the notes. Rhythms are wrong, the melodies stilted, and you stop playing, resting your elbows on the edge of the instrument as you grind the heels of your palms into your eyes, tears beginning to pound once more. You couldn’t bury her so you thought you could give her a little music, but holy fuck, you can’t even properly give this tribute because you can’t play the fucking piece –

Sungyoon sits on the edge of the bench. You jump – you never realized he was awake, and you open your mouth to apologize for waking him up – but he just looks at you with a softness you can feel even in the dark. “Keep playing.”

Fingers trembling, you put them back on the keyboard. It doesn’t get better – missed notes and wrong rhythms still plague the piece – but Sungyoon nudges you every time you falter, pushing you to finish. And when you do, tears falling to the dust onto your lap, he pulls you over and wraps an arm around you, letting your head fall to his shoulder as you cry.

He holds you until the sun rises and you finally fall asleep.

. . . . .

As much as you want to leave as soon as you wake, you stay at home another day. Both of you need a break before you keep going west, now that there’s no time crunch, and there don’t seem to be many zombies walking up and down the street. As long as you and Sungyoon keep the window blinds shut, you consider yourself about as safe as you can get.

The security helps a little. Takes away a bit of anxiety. But wherever you go, no matter how messy the rooms are, you always know that you’re in the same house you grew up in. Just with the most important people of your childhood missing.

But Sungyoon is important, and Sungyoon is here. It helps, a little. Though when you find him staring at the few family photos left on a table, photos with you and your mother and one even with Daeyeol’s family, you have to leave the room because it just reminds you that Sungyoon lost everyone and has little beyond his sister’s earrings, as far as you know, to remember them by. And he had to take them from her body, when in any other “normal” situation of death he would’ve left them in for her burial…

Sungyoon cried over the earrings several weeks ago. Just looking at the pictures, comparing the memories they hold to two little gold hoops that can’t even fit around Sungyoon’s fifth finger, almost makes you want to smash the frames to the ground.

You almost don’t take them with you. It’s only when Sungyoon holds out the thin frames that you remember them, two-dimensional faces of people you lost, smiling with a joy that you don’t think you’ll feel ever again.

“You’ll want them,” Sungyoon says quietly. “It hurts now, but you will. Trust me.”

The weight behind his words convinces you.

In the end, you put them in your bag, stuffing your mother’s note into one of the frames. Sungyoon helps you cushion them with your spare clothes. When you’ve finally packed them away, you walk with him to the front of the house before hesitating in the doorway.

Sungyoon glances at you. “Ready?”

You don’t turn around, but you let your eyes wander over what of the living room you can see from here. You’ve left this house many times, both times when you went to university and every time you left after a break, but you always came back. Even when everything happened, you came back. You still came back.

This time, you don’t think you’ll ever return.

“Y/N?”

You hear Sungyoon, but you still say nothing, riveting your gaze to the door. Once you leave this house, you won’t come back. You can’t even hope for it.

But you think it’ll be okay, because home isn’t just a place. It’s with people, too. And though you will never forget your original home with your mom and Daeyeol, you think you’ve found the beginnings of another home with Sungyoon.

You take Sungyoon’s hand, tangle your fingers through his. He looks at you with some concern but you don’t look back, just blink your eyes and take a breath.

You’re leaving your original home for a less certain one, a home bound solely in human attachment without the solid root of a house. It’s a little tenuous, a little shaky, but with your hands joined like this, you think there’s a possibility things might be okay.

It’s a chance you’re willing to take.

“Yeah.” You finally look up, squeezing his fingers once. You twist the doorknob. “Let’s go.”

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 prayer for a certain two characters to stay alive)

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