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#we’ve been having issues but my dad took notice and came out to help
raeathnos · 11 months
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#I chickened out with macerating the d.eer skull#I left it out in the sun in a bucket for one day and like lots of progress#but it smelled so bad#and I live in a townhouse#I had it on the deck originally but I was afraid the neighbors were gonna be able to smell it#we don’t really have a backyard- it’s a little strip of land and then after that there’s a forested park behind the house#so I wasn’t sure I was gonna be able to bury it and was gonna have to macerate it on like the driveway or something#there’s a drought here and the ground was packed hard and there’s plants in the little backyard strip so there wasn’t much space#we’ve been having issues but my dad took notice and came out to help#found a spot just big enough that he managed to dig just deep enough to bury it#my only fear is coyotes are gonna smell it and dig it up#since it’s buried kinda shallow but I put some rocks on top to hopefully deter them and also to mark the spot#the bucket I was using smells so bad that I’m pretty sure I might need to toss it#which is bad cause I was using it to degrease and f.ox skull from the fox that died in my grandmas yard#gonna keep going with it for now since that can stay outside but we#second grossest thing I’ve ever smelled#first grosses was said f.ox#when it died it took my like four days to get over to my grandma’s to bury it#and it sat out and rotted in the hot sun for four days 🙃#decay is like something I’m used to smelling because again I live near a forest and go hiking all the time#but I forget just how bad it smells when you get up close and personal with it 🙃#it’s so much nicer when you find nature cleaned bones that just need to be sterilized 😞#excited for new bones tho- the f.ox probably needs another month to decrease and I’m not even gonna attempt to dig up the d.eer#until it starts to cool down here so like September or October#but new bones for the bone shelf#I gotta start using them for life drawing studies#I’m doing good with finding bones this year#f.ox skull x 2 - f.ox tooth x2 - d.eer skull x1 - d.eer tooth x1 + I bought a m.ink skull#thinking about going back once the d.eer carcass has completely decayed and grabbing a vertebrae or anything else with an interesting shape#there’s also the d.eer pelvis I left in the creek out back after I slipped and bashed my hand (which not broken but still healing yikes)
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anadiasmount · 6 months
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limit - jude bellingham series.
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quick sum: shy and innocent uni student by day but a notorious street racer at night, meets now currently best footballer jude bellingham under certain circumstances. what happens when these two are forced to get along, in order for them to get out of trouble? will they sacrifice their careers in order to protect themselves?
wc: 4.7k | masterlist | jude’s masterlist
psa 🗣️: hello! this is a request mixed with an idea i had. this is a small five-part series since I didn’t want to do a large fic. i really hope you enjoy since it’s a enemies to lovers, ‘she fell but he fell harder’, car girl! reader, and jude being somewhat cocky and mean but a huge teddy bear. pls note that i don’t condone any street racing or hectic driving! this series will have mature content so minors DNI 🔞. it will also contain other issues dealing with family domestic issues, mentions of being insecure, etc, but I'll place the warning then :) please enjoy chapter one, and let me know your thoughts! 🤍
“Now class I hate to stress this enough but you have to take exquisite and thorough notes. It will not only guide you but help and take you to the correct path for this course,” said Professor Alto. I felt like rolling my eyes and walking out of the lecture room, but instead, I just turned over and laughed with Marie, who was already staring at me. “He says that every class period, I'm starting to get annoyed because we’ve been taking this class for the past month,” Marie snickers.
“True but in all honesty he does have a point,” I raise my eyebrow and look back at the Professor who was now walking back and forth presenting the slides. “Shut up. We get it you’re smart,” Marie groans and pushes my shoulder, taking out some gum and then paying attention forward. “I'm sorry, I would like to run my own business one day, and this is where I have to start first.” This time I push her shoulder, and hear her mutter a ‘Yeah yeah whatever…’
I grabbed my bag and pulled out my notebook, took different coloured pens, and began to write down the slides, using other different coloured pens to write important texts and or highlights. It’s just girly things. We would be here for a while, as this lecture would take up to three hours, so I got comfortable. “What are you wearing tonight?” Marie whispered, leaning her head on my shoulder as she typed away.
“Probably something black,” I shrugged, “I might wear this new corset top and black jeans since I'm racing tonight.” Marie looked over at me with wide eyes, “But isn't your car still in the shop?”
“No, it got fully fixed two days ago, and tonight I wanna see if the new adjustments are working properly,” I say, taking a sip of water and rubbing my eyes as they feel dry. “Y/n are you sure that’s a good idea though? You just got your car back, and knowing how you race, especially after just getting it back can be dangerous. If something happens, all that work that was done would go to waste,” Marie stresses, and I notice that because she began to talk with her hands.
“I know the risks, trust me. But I need this money for me, my mom, and my little sister. I'm working two double shifts and if I win tonight, I'm set for the next two months. It won’t be an easy race, but at this point what more can I do?” I sigh and rub my temple, a small migraine wanting to form.
It wasn't easy anymore. It became harder when we had to move out of my dad’s place as he began to become a different and mad person. It wasn’t the environment I wanted to be involved in, let alone my mother and sister. It became especially harder when he came and did mass destruction on our property, and tried to hurt us. The night repeatedly lives in my head, the screams, the yelling, the smashing windows, the red and blue lights, it's hard to sleep as any time I close my eyes I just see him.
I always had a great relationship with him. We were close and happy. I grew up wanting to be him, and he always set examples and tried for us. He would do my hair, teach me how to cook his chocolate chip cookies, and even go on to show me how to play the piano. We spent every weekend working in his mechanic shop, working on dear old Darla for one day to be driven by me. The old black Ford was now ruined into pieces when he went crazy after discovering he would be arrested.
What changed in him to become that way, was the question I kept repeating over and over again. If the truth comes out one day, maybe we can be at peace. But for now, it's being cautious and assuring the safety of my family. I sacrificed a lot to be able to support us, as well as my mom. The car racing was something I randomly got into, my mom didn't like it, but in a way for me, I escaped reality.
The adrenaline rush. The speed. The rush overtakes my body. The determination to win as the prize in the end holds a lot of possession. Maybe even the idea of it being illegal also took a more motive of why not, as bad as it sounded. I became a hell of a driver, I was the best of the best, and some people took that personally.
The tracks and races became a second home to me. The ability to conduct and take charge of my own was truly an honour. For once, only I listened to myself instead of others. For once I could do something that made me happy, as much as it felt wrong to do. I met people, good and bad, and stayed away from the bad as they reminded me of my dad. A weekend like tonight started at the tracks but indeed by the city in the underground club Sahara.
I saved enough to buy myself a 2014 black Dodge Challenger. Slowly I made work by changing the motor from a V6 to a V8, running to almost 470 horsepower. The rims were also replaced with all black, and I added other features like a loud exhaust and a cold air intake system, just recently. This would’ve never been done if I didn't have Jimmy, an old friend of my dad’s. He never questioned what I did to my car, just wished me ‘good luck, and be careful’.
When my mom found out about my car, she threatened to kick me out. That same night I brought back $1,800 and left them on the table, muttering a quick “This is why I do what I do”. Since then she hasn’t questioned, just used the money for savings, groceries, and bills. I would of course help out, especially on bigger and expensive things, like Uni. Uni was expensive, and I sure as heck was lucky to afford what I could.
My first race was over a year ago, in the older tracks leaving Madrid. It was a secluded area only known to nearby residents, or people like me who raced, or those who went to live life a little. You could expect anyone there. I knew of this place after Marie and her girlfriend Kaia took me. My first race was that same night after a girl got pissed at me for accidentally bumping her shoulder with her boyfriend.
One thing led to another, and then you saw me at the finish line in Marie’s Grey Nissan Altima. That baby could run, period.
Part of me could say I also got addicted to how much money it would bring home. I didn't care if it was clean or dirty money, it met my needs, and I was grateful for it. Multiple people have gone against me but they can’t race like I can. There are tips and tricks to it, whether it is releasing the clutch early or letting the car struggle a bit before making the shift. Slow down or maybe speed up. You learn along the way.
My biggest rivals of them all were Jacey and Jacqueline. They made my life a living hell a week before finals. They insisted and threatened me to race them or else I would be kicked out and can’t ever place my foot on the tracks. They were the best anyone had seen, but I knew what they wanted. They were a part of a malicious gang in the northern part of Spain. If I won, I would be free and they were to never bother me, but if I lost I would do laundering and drug exchange.
I won that night, by some miracle. It turned out Jacey was racing unfairly and it didn't count as he had cheated. They would always go against me, and it became sort of a rival race whenever we did go against each other. Like tonight. Tonight would be a big night, it would be a packed race, and surely every young adult would be there.
“Wait, wait, wait. You’re going against Jacqueline tonight? How could you have failed to tell me this?” Marie ran, her back across the wall as I got myself a redbull to survive the rest of the day. We had a 20-minute break, and now we were seated outside waiting to go back in.
“I didn’t know either, Max texted me this just a couple of hours ago,” I said, taking a sip of the energy drink. I pulled out my phone and showed her the message. “Well, I can see why you’re doing this then,” Marie points to the text of the amount of cash I could win. “What did you end up fixing in your car?”
“I did a bit of mostly everything. I added high-flow catalytic converters, high-flow mid pipes, high-flow fuel injectors, high-flow air induction systems, an upgraded header, and upgraded pulleys. Just newer stuff that the new challengers have nowadays,” I say, laughing at Marie's confused face staring back at me. “Well whatever you said, let’s hope it works out.”
“Trust me it will. Because you’ll be in the seat next to me to see” I smirked.
“Bitch no I am not, the fuck?” Marie gives me a puzzled look. I give her a look for using such profanity. I hated it, I didn't like such strong and hateful words, especially those that meant hurting someone's feelings. I never cursed, I just didn't see the fun or thrill of it, which shocked many.
“You are because you lost the bet last week. And Sheila is out of town. So better bring your mask and helmet,” I say, opening my iPad to get some studying done before my business class after this lecture. “Plus when have you ever turned down the opportunity to ride with me? I know you secretly love it,” I wink at her to which he just shakes her head and smirks.
“I'll do it, but only if you wear the black midi skirt I got you. As a matter of fact, I’ll ride with you only if you let me get you ready and get you sexy,” Marie says. I blush profusely and immediately shake my head no. I would rather die than be seen wearing anything more revealing than my boobs. I'm just too shy and not confident for it. I can’t rock outfits like Marie can.
“Funny but no. You know me, I am good with a revealing top and maybe some tight jeans,” I brushed her idea once again, but knowing how she could be, especially when she's a fashion major, it would be hard. “Either deal or no deal. You know you need me in order to race,” she tries to intimidate to which I finally agree. “I will make you the sexiest girl there. Who knows maybe you’ll be lucky and get laid,” she taunts, an evil grin on her lips.
“Marie!”
“Oh quit the act. We know you are shy and innocent, but you become a freak and a total show when you race. I'll see you tonight,” she winks and walks out, completely leaving the lecture.
—/— Jude’s Point of View —/—
After matches came recovery. And after recovery, it was either a day off or prepping for the next match. Luckily I had the gym area to myself, working with a physical trainer on my knee and doing a few exercises that were as much work. I just needed something to preoccupy my mind before I met with my publicist. It's not that I hated him, I just didn't tolerate such a person like him.
I dragged out this meeting as far as possible but knowing how he is, he wouldn't care. After briefly talking with the PT about a few stretches I could do at home, I walked down the cafeteria and met up with Eduardo, who invited lunch for the both of us. We sat down and just talked about the game plays and the upcoming international break.
Lunch went by quickly, now I found myself walking down the small hallway into the office that belonged to my publicist. I resented him even more for working at the training grounds. I would rather be anywhere else but here. I put myself together and walked into the office only for it to be empty. I just take a seat and go on my phone bored. When Jaime does walk in, he hangs up and opens the manilla folder, where stacks of papers are in.
“Jude you have to quit going out so much! Look at all these articles!” Jaime raised his voice and threw the printed papers onto the marble desk. I rolled my eyes and sunk into my chair, my legs naturally spread apart, as my hand came to my temple.
“Real Madrid’s new star boy stars on and off the pitch. Ancelotti’s new golden boy has a record similar to Grealish, could we expect to see the young player get involved in the same stuff? Oh, my favourite, Jude Bellingham is seen leaving the strip club after the place was recently investigated by local authorities!” Jaime read off the articles, leaning forward to slap the side of my head, when he noticed my unfazed look. “Okay, I get it! Shit!”
“No Jude you don’t get it! How many times have I told you this isn't England? You're in Spain. Dealing with both countries who are on your ass to find every single detail of you. They follow you around with a camera because you let them, you give them a reason too. It's already the fans doing it, but the paparazzi, no I won’t let that slide,”
“Okay, so what do you want me to do? I’ve done everything you’ve suggested me to do! I can’t stop them, or else I'll end up on the cover the next morning. I can’t just quit my fun, because of them. I deserve to have a nice evening with my friends and family, but they're always there!” I bite back.
Not even my mother keeps tabs on me like this man does. I appreciate Jaime, but it's moments like this where I want to get up and leave and do the opposite of what he tells me to do. He takes his job too seriously and overworks himself way too much. I can’t exactly be the person he wants me to be. I hate being driven around or being forced to be someone I'm not.
“We have no say and do on the paparazzi, you know that. But if you keep doing what you do, I'll have to get you a stricter PR contract, and I can assure you, it will be hell. You choose Jude. One more fuck up and it's the first text you’ll receive the next morning,” Jaime threatened.
“You can’t be serious. Jaime, I can’t be hidden away the entire time! I don’t give a shit about what they think of me! I'm focused on football and my family. I told you to let them be and write what they write!,” I say, standing up and grabbing my training bag to leave. “It's my job to protect your image as a person and footballer, Jude. And it will be like that. If you have such an issue, go ahead and fire me, but we both know what that will do for the both of us…”
“One more fuck up Jude, and you will see.” I scoff and walk out, slamming his door. The office workers jump in their seats, while I mumble out curses and insults towards him. Would he really go that far just to keep his job? Threaten my image for his self-satisfaction? Yes, he would. I sigh and scratch my chin impatiently, trying to come up with a different plan to avoid the PR contract he was talking about. But all I could do was come up with reasons and stuff to piss him off.
The idea of a PR stunt sounded stupid. Sure, I have had my share of scandals but nothing too serious like he dramatises. People just can't seem to stand the idea of no commitment, especially if it involves girls. They also couldn't stand the idea of a footballer wanting to go out and enjoy a night of themselves. Some people can be so unreasonable, like Jaime, I would say what I had to say, and I didn't care for anyone’s feelings especially if I spit out the truth.
“Yo! Hey Jude! What’s up? Looks like you got back from speaking with Carlo,” Eduardo comes up and dabs me up, teasing me for my stressed look. I chuckle, “Nah man. My publicist is pissing me off. Trying to tell me what to do and giving me shit about all these articles.”
“When will they learn,” he comments, his brow nudging to the obvious. “For the moment mine hasn't given me ‘advice’ or ‘warnings’ after our trip to South France.”
“Well lucky you. I just can’t stress about this shit right now. We have the upcoming important games, and I am determined to win. And if I do go out, he shouldn’t be up my ass about it every time,” I groan, taking out my phone and seeing a call from Aurélien. “Tchou, how can I help you?” I joke, referring to when he dealt with his situationship while on our trip to France.
“Ha ha, very funny. What are you up to tonight? We’re free tomorrow.”
“Probably nothing. Just walked out on my publicist, so If you have anything in mind to do, say it,” I put the phone on speaker so Eduardo could hear, and let him know. “Me and the guys were gonna head out the city to go to a car meet, out of Madrid,” he says. I give a look to Eduardo who just shrugs his shoulders not retaining the information.
“A car meet? Those exist here?”
“Yes, dumbass. You’d be surprised but, they're very fun. Although we shouldn't be there, it's the only place where people and paparazzi can’t recognize us. They treat each other and us like royalty, plus who wouldn’t mind some fun?” Aurélien says to us. I hesitate, only because of what just happened inside, but also the idea of it being illegal and caught. “You guys in or not?”
“Count me in.”
Jaime wouldn't know. And if Aurélien is saying we wouldn't be recognized, then why the fuck not? I'm not here to just pose for cameras and play. I'm also a regular person who deserves to live his life the way I want. Part of me thought of how bad this idea could be, but truthfully I didn’t give a shit, I just wanted to piss off Jaime. Aurélien advises us to dress nice since people who attended those car races often thought of them as fashion shows. Which is found myself calling the only girl who could help me out.
“Hey, Sunny? Sorry for the late call, could you help me out with an outfit for tonight? Just don't mention it to Jaime.”
—/— (Your Point of View) —/—
“Ok no- That’s like way too revealing! I couldn't pull that off” I brushed away the shortest skirt she found. “Nuh uh- No way. You're going to wear it, and it's going to be worn with these shoes and lace meshy top,” Marie comes behind me and puts both hangers to my front. “My whole butt is out in this skirt! People are gonna see my-” I waved with my hands to my lower region to which she snickers.
“Either you race or don’t,” Marie says, to which I just squint my eyes together. “Fine! I will at least pick out my jacket!” I pick up the clothes and quickly change into the pieces of clothes she gave me. My makeup was already done, a simple and not too heavy look since I had to wear a mask and helmet underneath while I raced. All I had to do was take my hair out of my rollers and apply some deodorant and jewellery and we could make the drive down.
Marie gasped as I walked out, clapping her hands excitedly as she approached me. “You look so fucking hot, I could make out with you!” Her hands roam and fix my skirt so they pull lower and hang around my hips. I give her a look but she quickly shrugs me. I go to the mirror and tug on both items. “I don't know whether to pull this up or or tug it down,” I say shuffling.
“Hurry! Fix your hair and put your boots on. You have a race to win!”
I pose for a selfie when I see Marie point her phone towards me, my hands on the steering wheel as I pull into the gravel road that heads to the main road to the tracks. Goosebumps raise my skin as I hear the music and loud car exhaust as we pull in. Other cars are doing donuts, which I find silly, or showing off their engines. “Hi Matty, how are ya tonight?” I ask the middle-aged man who sighs and hands me my racer number and time slot. He’s tired of his job, but just like everyone else here, he has his reasons. “Same old same old. I bet money on ya tonight, so you better win against that trashy girl Jacqueline,” he points out, handing me back the cashback after I paid. “Good luck tonight, make us proud!” he winks.
I smile and shift to one as I drive down to the start of the line. The tracks are old and kinda messy. They can shift from gravel to normal roads, which causes some drivers to lose focus. “Nervous for tonight?” Marie asks to which I nervously nod. “I mean it's against Jacqueline, we’ve had our shares in the past and she’s good,” I say.
“Yeah but not as good as you. Keep that in mind. Just think of the money, it will be your motive,” she says. We open the door and step out, I hear commotion and then look up to people cheering for me. I wave and thank them before walking over to our group who’s standing by the starting line. We all hug and chat about the race, which is filled with a lot of rivals going head to head.
I could feel my blood pumping as I watched the two Mustangs take out, their exhaust fumes following. The excitement you face also comes to anticipation as you watch which car will make it first to the end. The yellow Mustang wins by .4 seconds after they race for almost two minutes. I turn to the side when I hear my name being called, “Y/n, when are we gonna race?”
“As soon as you let me see what’s under your hood,” they scoff and walk off. It would've been too easy…
—/— (Jude’s Point of View) ---/—
The black LV suit was perfect for the occasion. Aurélien was right, people do dress as if they were attending fashion shows here. We all decided to go in two cars, making the almost forty-minute drive down to this closed-off restricted area. We followed the guide who led us up to the almost ‘VIP’ area.
The commotion was loud. People were either drinking, making out, or dancing. Or those who wanted to feel lucky, gambled money by playing poker. This truly did feel like a bad idea now, but I couldn't care less now that I was drinking a beer. We had clear and perfect views of the track, I was lucky to attend an F1 show in the past but this? This was completely different.
Fancy or new cars racing, and it was just the beginning. I talked with Eduardo for a good time as I observed the loud car go head to head towards the finish line. Music played loudly, but as Aurélien had said, no one recognized us. We step out and that’s when I notice the black challenger pull in. Two girls step out, but it's the driver who gets my attention. She chews gum and listens with boredom as they explain the rules to her.
My eyes roam down her slim and fit body, and I get a closer look when she quickly puts on her mask and helmet. I find myself not being able to look away, especially after she faces her opponent, ignoring their truce handshake. She’s too confident and now has my full attention.
Her windows are rolled down, her hand on the wheel, and the other is on the gear shift, patiently waiting for the light to turn green. “Who’s that?” I finally speak, completely forgetting I was in mid-conversation with Eduardo. “That’s Y/n in the black challenger. And in the red camaro is Jacqueline. They hate their guts, biggest rivals after Jacqueline's brother cheated on a race. Y/n, she’s the best of the best…” speaks a different guy. “Word on the street is that Jacqueline is involved in a gang, but who knows,” he says.
Y/n pulls out her thumb signalling she’s ready, and then quickly drives off when the light turns green. Just like the guy had said, she was the best of the best, quickly drifting and turning onto the tracks. Her car was faster than the red camaro, and you could tell the determination to win was there. I just waited for it to go the other way.
Soon yelling and commotion started when Jacqueline caught up, and took the lead, Y/n just maintained her speed and control as before. “What is she doing? She’ll lose if she doesn't catch up!” said another guy. I furrowed my brows and crossed my arms, looking back at the two cars on the race track. I didn’t understand how this worked, but it looked like not even I could make those turns, especially at those speeds.
Everyone gasped or oohed when the camaro lost control and failed to do the sharp tight turn correctly, cheering when Y/n went back to the lead and quickly made it to the finish line. We walked down to the starting line where she got out, and put her hands up, and cheered. She took her helmet and mask off, and that's when I truly was drawn to her facial features. “Bro? You’re drooling,” Brahim joked to which I just pushed his shoulder.
The crowd went quiet as the red camero pulled in, an angry Jacqueline and passenger getting off to confront Y/n. “You cheated!” she points at her to which the girl wearing all black just snorted and chuckled, “No babes. You just suck. I won, just like the other times before. Now go whine somewhere else and leave us alone for once.”
Her eyes connected with mine, and it felt like time just slowly flew by. Her lips parted, as she took me in, her hand holding the helmet and now stack of cash. She looked away and shyly smiled towards her friends, them congratulating her. She would nod then and there and only stick with those friends. “I’ll be back. Going to congratulate the winner,” I say and smile at Eduardo who wishes me luck. I don't need luck I'm Jude Bellingham.
I was determined to know more about her. Who she was, and why she raced especially. But before I could introduce myself, a loud bang and glass shattering prevented me from doing so. The last I saw while we ran was Y/n getting into her car and driving away. A loud car pulled near us, the familiar face and eyes locking with mine.
“Hurry! Get in!”
---/--- ( author's note) ---/---
hiiiii! first chapter eeekkkk! I hope you all enjoyed it and didn't think this was too long! I truly enjoyed writing this, and can't wait for you guys to read the rest. I'm also praying this doesn't flop or I'll be really upset... have an amazing day!
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zepskies · 1 year
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Never Say Goodbye - Part 8
Pairing: Dean x Female Reader 
Summary: The first time you and Dean sensed each other’s thoughts and feelings, you were just kids. It would take years to realize that you both were bonded for life, and even longer to finally meet. [Soulmate AU] (Rated M for eventual scenes – 18+)
Word Count: 5,000 Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort and feels, alcoholism lol
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Part 8: Long Distance
Sam stayed back at Bobby’s while Dean accompanied you back home, now that it was no longer a crime scene. When your dad finally got off of work, he greeted you in the living room with relief in his eyes and a warm hug.
That warmth diminished when he noticed Dean standing behind you.
“Dean’s a friend of Bobby’s,” you explained. Dean introduced himself and shook Jack’s hand.
“Yeah, wanted to make sure she got here okay,” Dean added.
Jack scrutinized him as they shook hands. Maybe he suspected that you and Dean weren’t telling the whole truth, but Jack seemed to accept things.
For now.
“I think we’ve got frozen pizzas for dinner if we don’t want to order out,” you said. You went over to the kitchen to check, but without you realizing, that brought you right to the spot where you were assaulted just two days ago. 
The blood had been scrubbed off the tile floor. There were still small, suspect stains in the grout, though. You looked up and saw your reflection in the microwave. It wasn’t unlike that night, when you had looked up and seen your bloody face, then looked down and seen Danny Schmitt lying dead on the floor.
You flinched when a hand came to rest on your shoulder. It was Dean, and you gave him a small grateful look. You briefly covered his hand with yours, but you took a breath and forced yourself to move past the spot, and continue toward the fridge. 
Jack watched the small moment between you and Dean. Dean knew that Jack had caught it, while you remained oblivious as you puttered around in the kitchen.
The three of you made somewhat painful small talk while waiting for the pizzas to cook. When it was done, Dean helped set the table and you cut out the slices. Jack took an opportunity to grab a beer and approach you.
“So why’s Skater Boy still in my house?” Jack asked. You could only assume he meant Dean.
“Dad, please don’t be rude,” you warned. 
“You seein’ him or something?” 
You set down the pizza cutter and gave Jack a pointed look. “As a matter of fact, yes.”
Dean could hear you and Jack talking from the dining room. He took issue with your dad’s phrasing. It was a little more than “seeing,” but at least now he understood what you’d been talking about with your dad. The guy was a hard-ass. 
So Dean would go along with however you wanted to play this. It was only fair. 
The problem was, this mostly left you to keep the conversation going once the three of you sat down to eat. For forty-five minutes you did your best to fill the silences, but Jack was a man of sparing words. 
“So yeah, I should be able to finish my thesis in time. I’m looking to have a job lined up after I graduate next semester, but the only thing I’ve really been seeing is teaching positions,” you explained.
“Teaching’s acceptable,” your dad said, after finishing his second beer. “And doable, for you.”
You glanced at your dad with a telling press of your lips. 
Dean understood your annoyance. Doable for you? 
What was that supposed to mean?
“Well, I’m not sure I want to teach,” you said. “I’m thinking of applying to the natural history museum here in Sioux Falls.”
“And do what, dust off wax mannequins?” Jack remarked. 
You set down your glass of water a bit too hard. “If you’re going to say something, say it.”
Jack gave you a look of exasperation. “I’m just sayin’. You went to college without a real plan, now it’s bitin’ you in the ass. And it ain’t been cheap—”
“For you it has, because I put myself through college,” you countered. 
“What I’m saying is, now you’ve limited yourself—”
Jack actually reminded Dean of his dad in a lot of ways. But he had a feeling this man didn’t know his daughter very well. Dean wasn’t normally one to meddle in things that weren’t his business, but you were stressed out enough. He didn’t like the way your shoulders were tightening. He could feel your upset through the soul bond, and your eyes were dangerously close to frustrated tears. 
He touched your knee beneath the table and looked over at Jack.
“Look, maybe we could just take things down a couple notches here,” Dean suggested. 
Jack turned to him with an angry frown. “Now would be a very good time for you to butt out. Dean, was it? Matter of fact, why don’t you get the hell out of my house—”
“Okay, that’s enough!” you shouted. You clenched one fist on the dining table, the other on your knee beneath the table.  
Both men looked at you with mixed reactions of surprise. 
You turned to your dad. “The difference between you and me is I pursued what I was interested in. You went after what you were good at.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Jack asked, after his shock wore off.
“Nothing,” you said. “But neither is what I did. I’m proud of where I am so far, what I’ve accomplished. I’m sorry if you don’t think that’s worth much, but I do. You don’t have to agree with my choices, but you can at least respect me.”
Silence fell across the table.
Secretly, Dean was proud of you, and he tapered down a smile. He knew you sensed it when you glanced at him.
“I respect you,” Jack said, pulling your attention away. “But I’m still your father.”
You shook your head. “You don’t, Dad. If you did, it wouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I’m not dating Dean. He’s my soulmate.” 
Once again, shock made the air tense. Jack’s eyes were open wide, looking from you, to Dean, and back again. His brows furrowed.
So Dean, ever the tension breaker, offered you and Jack a resigned grin. He pointed to his and Jack’s beer bottles, which were empty. 
“Well,” he said, “I’ll get the whiskey.”
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When your father’s shock finally wore off, he had plenty of questions for Dean. About where he lived, his job, his life in general—most of which Dean couldn’t answer honestly. Jack was a police detective by trade. As such, he was a perceptive man who knew he wasn’t getting the whole story, but eventually you cut off the inquisition.
You showed Dean up to your room, where you two were able to get some privacy. 
“I’m proud of you,” he said, once you both sat on the edge of your bed. “I could tell that, uh…that conversation with your dad was a long time coming.”
You nodded, but you couldn’t quite smile. “When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow,” he replied. 
Tomorrow. You sighed, but you also tried not to let him sense your darkening emotions. Instead, you sat up straight and gave him a decisive look. 
“Okay, then I’m staying with you at Bobby’s tonight,” you said. One more night together.
Dean’s lips raised into a grin. “Yes, ma’am.”
You spent that night mostly playing cards with Sam, Dean, and Bobby as they taught you how to hustle poker. You drank and ate and laughed, and at night, you and Dean continued to learn each other’s bodies.
In the morning, you hugged both Sam and Dean goodbye. 
“I’m sorry,” Dean apologized again while he held you. “I’ll call you later.”
Holding back your tears, you nodded and kissed him one more time. He tucked a finger beneath your chin to keep your head up. You tried at a smile, which he appreciated. 
Then Sam and Dean climbed into the Impala. You watched them leave, and Bobby laid a supportive hand on your shoulder. 
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The next year was torturous for you both. 
Dean updated you after various hunts. Not on a regular schedule, but often enough. Sam started calling now and then with historical questions—some you could answer off the top of your head, and some you actually put in some effort into researching. Dean didn’t like it at first, but soon he started calling you for information himself. 
You were smart, quick on your feet, and realistically, a convenient resource since you had access to a university library. You enjoyed it though. You were happy to be helpful to them, but you also liked the research. Often they were interesting topics in the mythologies of different cultures (if you took out the whole hashing and slashing of innocent people and monsters out of it). 
But that part too was gratifying; you felt like you were helping them save lives, in whatever small way you could offer.
You also visited Bobby more often. It was your last semester of college and he helped you with your thesis, actually giving you good notes. Dean, bless him, was encouraging, but really only helped you with the movie references. Bobby actually gave you feedback on your writing and added tidbits to the historical aspects as well.
You learned that Bobby was actually really smart. Maybe that was where you got your affinity for history and language arts.
One day though, your uncle noticed that you weren’t as into it as usual. You had a half-drunk beer in your hand while the two of you working in the living room—on the final draft of your thesis.
Bobby had asked you a question about a certain line, but you hadn’t heard him. 
“Hey, you awake over there?” he asked. Jolting in your seat, you looked over at him apologetically. 
“Sorry, what?”
Bobby smiled wryly. “Let me guess. Dean ain’t called you?”
You shook your head. “I talked to him yesterday. They’re investigating a cursed painting in New York somewhere.”
“So what’s with the face?” 
You shrugged. “Nothing.” 
After you didn’t give Bobby anything to go on, he sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Okay…”
You two spent an extended moment in relative silence, where only faint music from the radio played in the background. Plus, the occasional turning of pages from Bobby’s book.
“It’s just,” you started to say. Bobby closed his book with an expectant look on his face. 
“I’ve waited twenty-four years to find him,” you said. “Twenty-fucking-four. And now I still have to wait. How long will it be until I can start my life?”
“Well first of all, you’ve been living your life long before Dean,” Bobby pointed out. “You have your own thing going, and right now, so does Dean. When he finishes dealing with his past, he’ll be able to start thinkin’ about his future.”
That was fair, you considered. It made you feel a bit immature when he put it like that. Nor was it realistic of you to expect Dean to drop everything else in his life for you…
You and your uncle had gotten closer over the past few months. So you felt you could ask him something that had been on your mind for a long time.
“Feel free to ignore me, but, about Aunt Karen…was she your soulmate?” you asked. 
 Bobby looked over at you after sipping at a fifth of whiskey. He seemed reluctant to even say her name.
“She was,” he admitted.
You knew this would be a sensitive subject, but you took a chance. “What happened to her, Bobby?”
At first, he was quiet. You just waited to see what he would say, if he was willing to trust you. After a short while, slowly, he told you. 
She’d been possessed by a demon. 
Not one exactly like Sam and Dean were hunting, but close enough. However, Bobby didn’t know then what he knew now. 
She’d been coming at him with a knife, and before he realized what he was doing, he was defending himself with the same knife. But she just kept coming. It took your father, Jack, to pull her off of him. And Rufus, who had been tracking the thing, broke into Bobby’s house and exorcised the demon.
Then, a black spirit drained out of Karen’s body. She had enough awareness to look down at her three stab wounds before she fell to the floor. Finally, she bled out.
She was gone before either Jack or Bobby could get her to a hospital.
Jack had reluctantly helped cover up the scene by saying she’d suffered a psychotic break and attacked her husband. Bobby’s case was self-defense.
You could relate to that, at least. 
By the end of his story, you were trying in vain to stifle your tears. When you were able to speak, you asked another question.
“Then…why does Dad hate you so much if it wasn’t you fault?” 
“Because I killed her. My own wife, my…” Bobby sighed, a heavy, sharp exhale. “His baby sister. I can’t blame him.”
Because he still blamed himself. In the end, it was blood all over him and the body of his soulmate in his arms.
You didn’t know how to comfort him, but you tried. Still silently crying, you rested your hands on his arm while he couldn’t quite bring the whiskey back to his lips. 
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When you graduated in May, you didn’t expect Sam and Dean to come. You’d told them about it, but when the ceremony came and you stood on that stage, you didn’t see the brothers in the crowd. You saw your dad, Bobby, some of your colleagues from the university, and a couple of your best friends from high school.
You forced your disappointment down and accepted your diploma with a smile. You were now finished with school, complete with your master’s degree in Greek and Roman Studies. And in two weeks, you had a job lined up at the local museum. You would be giving exhibit tours, and you already had a script you had to memorize by your first day. 
Maybe it was basic, but there was a path for growth there for you. In a few years you could work yourself up to museum curator! 
The point was, you felt it was a step in the right direction.
Later at home that night, your dad congratulated you while you cut up the cake he bought for you in the kitchen. He set a hand on your shoulder, subtly asking you to pause what you were doing. You turned to him with a smile.
“I’m proud of you, darlin’,” he said. “You’ve got drive, and you did what you set out to do…so much of you reminds me of your mom that way.” 
Tears welled up in your eyes. Thinking about your conversation with Bobby a few weeks ago, you looked at your dad a bit differently. You had compassion for him. Like Bobby, Jack had lost his person. He was just a man who couldn’t let go.
“I get why you have a hard time remembering Mom,” you said. “Now that I have Dean, I can’t imagine how I would feel if I lost him.”
But it was still a monumental fear. Every day that you didn’t hear from Dean between hunts could be nerve-wracking when you thought about what he was doing. Especially when you didn’t know how much he left out for your sake.
So when Jack nodded, you looked up and saw rare emotion in his eyes. 
“How’s Dean?” he asked. 
“He’s on a job in South Carolina,” you lied, and felt a twinge of guilt doing it. “Severe rat infestation.”
“Okay. And he couldn’t take a couple days off the rats to be here today?” 
Your lips pursed at the question—mainly because it was the same one you had. You just didn’t want your dad to know that.
“He’s working hard,” was all that you could think to reply. You knew it totally didn’t convince your dad, but you handed him a slice of cake to shut him up about it.
Later in your room, you laid out your cap and gown on your bed. You debated keeping them in your closet, or just donating them. It wasn’t like you were ever going to wear this again. 
Hey, beautiful.
You gasped when Dean’s thoughts startled you. You whipped around and there he was in your doorway, dressed in his usual jeans, shirt, and leather jacket combo. He smiled and held a bouquet of flowers for you.
“Congratulations, Professor,” he said. 
Tears welled up in your eyes as you went to him. You actually almost bowled him over by jumping into his arms. 
“Whoa!” he said with a laugh. He gripped your thighs tight around his hips but lost a few steps, crashing against the wall and disturbing some of your frames. You both laughed and kissed deeply. 
After a while, you slid back down to your feet and he stroked your cheek in affection. He offered you the flowers again, and you accepted them with a pink blush. They weren’t just basic roses. Most of them you couldn’t name, but there were daisies and large orange flowers, thin springs of small white and green ones, white and red flowers that greeted you with soft blooming petals. 
“Thank you, these are beautiful,” you said. 
His smile fell. “Sorry I’m late.”
Your excitement dimmed, but you shook your head. “It’s okay.”
Dean noticed your cap and gown on the bed and gestured to them.
“Mind modeling that little number for me?” he teased.
Your mouth twitched. “What, really?”
“Yeah, why not? I wanna see the full package of the college grad.”
With another little blush, you obliged him. After setting down the flowers on your dresser, you slipped on your large, silky graduation gown first, then the cap. You adjusted the tassel so it wasn’t directly in your face. Then you grinned and struck a pose for him in the shapeless gown.
“Real sexy, huh?”
Dean smirked. “Absolutely. College girls are always sexy.”
You laughed and dropped the pose. Both of you sat down on the bed while you took off the cap. Dean fixed your frizzy hair as a result.
“Well, officially I’m not a college girl anymore,” you pointed out. “I’m starting at the museum soon, I think I told you.”
Dean nodded. “That’s okay. Hot nerds are even better.”
You giggled and took his larger hand in yours. “Where’s Sam?”
“Chillin’ at Bobby’s.”
“Ah…you saw my dad?”
“Downstairs. Wasn’t exactly happy to see me,” Dean said. “I, uh…I am sorry I couldn’t make it to the big ceremony.”
You shook your head with a smile. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
Soon, you fell into the pull of him as he guided you into a kiss. You held his face in your hands, and he tugged you into his lap. 
“Up for a sleepover?” you asked between heated kisses. Though it was difficult to think at the moment, Dean hesitated. 
“What about your dad?” He groaned when your nails dragged down the back of his neck. You gave a nipping kiss between his neck and shoulder. 
“You can be quiet, can’t you?” you said against his skin. Normally you wouldn’t dream of doing this when your dad was in the house, but it had been months since you’d seen Dean. Months. 
One of your hands moved down between your bodies to palm at the growing bulge in his jeans.
“Well,” he said with a grunt, “I’m always up for a challenge.”
He left you on the bed, just long enough to get up and lock the bedroom door, before he all but tacked you back onto the bed and made you squeal. 
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Meanwhile, downstairs, Jack heard your bedroom door click. He sighed, trying his damnedest not to think about what might be going on upstairs. 
He could storm up there and break down the door (like he was itching to do). You might be an adult, but this was still his house… 
But he also didn’t want to disturb the newfound peace he’d found with you today. 
Time for a drink, he decided. He grabbed his keys and headed out to the nearest bar.
Jack loved his town. He’d lived here most of his life, met his wife here, started a family and a career and all the rest here. But there was only one good bar, and that meant he was liable to run into his brother-in-law, AKA the town drunk. 
Jack spotted Bobby down at the end of the bar with a young man, dark-haired and likely in his early 20s. Jack knew that your Dean was staying at Bobby’s house. Jack also knew that your Dean had a brother, Sam. This dark-haired beanpole was most likely him.
Jack didn’t know much about Dean, or his family, but he wanted to. He wanted to know more about the man in his daughter’s life.
So instead of heeding his instinct to sit at the bar alone, he made his way all the way down and greeted Sam and Bobby civilly. 
“Your Dean’s brother?” Jack asked. Sam’s handshake was firm as he nodded. Jack detected the strength behind that loose-fitting flannel.
Hmm, not so much a beanpole, Jack thought.  
“Yes, sir. I’m Sam,” he replied.
Jack nodded at their whiskey glasses. “Let me buy another round.”
“You don’t need to do that,” Bobby said.
“It’s all right,” Jack said. “I’ve got it.”
Bobby wasn’t sure what Jack was aiming at. They hadn’t spoken directly in a few years. But he could assume it had something to do with Dean dating the man’s daughter.
Jack turned to Sam and asked mild, probing questions. He learned that Sam had gone to college: pre-law at Stanford. He had been all set to go to law school and become a successful lawyer. Sam sounded like the kind of guy Jack would’ve preferred you end up with.
“But instead, you became a traveling exterminator,” Jack said. “What happened there?”
Dean had evaded this question before, but Sam told him something different.
“Well, uh, to be honest…something happened that kind of derailed things,” Sam said. 
“Which was?” Jack asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
Sam met his gaze steadily, but Jack saw something deep there, held behind polite bar conversation. 
“My girlfriend died,” he confessed. 
Jack set down his bourbon on the counter. A tendril of guilt licked down his spine for pressing. “I’m sorry.” 
Sam nodded. “After that, I spun out for a while…but Dean, he didn’t let me crash. He got me back working with him on the job. Something…constructive. It kept me going.”
Jack considered that with his glass back up to his lips. 
“After my wife died, I had my work and my daughter,” he said. “That’s it. That’s my life. It’s honest.”
Sam inclined his head. The conversation continued from there, on and off while they drank. Bobby interjected every now and then, but he kept nursing his second whiskey.
Eventually though, Sam bowed out with one last shake of Jack’s hand and a pat to Bobby’s back. It left the two older men to finish their drinks.
“They’re hunters, aren’t they? Like your friend Rufus,” Jack said. 
Bobby glanced at him. Then he sighed.
“Yeah,” he admitted. “But they know what they’re doing.”
Jack shook his head. Goddamn hunters.
But the more he considered his brother-in-law, your conversation with him earlier resonated in his mind. 
“I get why you have a hard time remembering Mom,” you had said. “Now that I have Dean, I can’t imagine how I would feel if I lost him.”
Jack looked over at Bobby. As much as he hated to admit it, they were living the same life, more or less. He’d just had you to keep him somewhat anchored. Approaching sane and respectable. Bobby had been alone.
“It doesn’t get easier, does it?” Jack asked. 
“What doesn’t?”
“Life,” he replied. “Without her.”
Bobby paused. Once he realized what Jack was really saying, he sighed once again.
“Nope,” he agreed. 
“I don’t know Dean Winchester,” Jack said. “You do. Should I be worried?” 
“He’s a good kid. Got some rough angles,” Bobby conceded. “But you’ll never find a more loyal man in Creation. He’d break his own neck before he’d hurt that girl.”
Jack nodded. “Good. Saves me the trouble of breakin’ it for him.”
Bobby chuckled and finished his whiskey. Jack ordered him another.
Bobby looked over at him again. “Thanks.”
Jack nodded. They drank in companionable silence until the bar closed.
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The next morning, you and Dean stood outside your house on the driveway. The Impala shone next to you in the bright day’s sun. Soon, you’d have to watch the car peel away. In a way, it was harder the second time.
Dean held your cheek and kissed you nice and slow. You knew he could sense what you were feeling right now, but you tried to hold it back from your connection as much as you could.
You let your hand drift down from his shoulder to his chest, over his heart. 
I love you, you wanted to say. It was poised on your tongue, but you were afraid of being the first one to say it. Maybe it was silly, but you wondered if you had gotten attached to him more quickly than he had to you.
Meanwhile, Dean sensed your anxiety and worry, but he didn’t hear your thoughts and insecurities that you were holding back. So he just chocked it up to the fact that he was leaving. Guilt nagged at his heart.
“I’ll call you,” he promised. He always promised to call, and he always did. This time, it just didn’t make you feel that much better.
But you still faked a smile and bent to grab the bagged up containers you’d put together for Sam and Dean. It was some homemade chicken parmesan and garlic rolls, which would probably last for all of a couple of hours, knowing Dean.
“Share with your brother this time,” you reminded him. Dean smirked and took the bag from you. 
“No promises.”
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The next few months were spent with you and Dean each focusing on your jobs. You talked on a frequent non-schedule basis: phone calls on your lunch break, on your commute before or after work, between Dean’s hunts, on long drives across state lines. 
When you didn’t have time to talk, you sent emails. Yours were often longer and more detailed than Dean’s, but that was just how he spoke. Direct and to the point, albeit with one or two dirty jokes thrown in. 
Sometimes all you two had time for was a brief text here and there. Dean would wish you a good morning. He’d tease you, asking what you were wearing. 
“Yoga pants and a ratty old shirt,” you’d replied once. 
He’d said: “Hmm, yoga pants.”
You laughed. “You’re ridiculous. I’m literally eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s right now.”
“Ooh, what flavor?”
You’d rolled your eyes. The only thing that distracted his dirty mind was his stomach. 
Sometimes you would send him a new song to listen to (which he would complain about, if it was anything past 1989).
But then that day came.
That dreaded day when Dean didn’t answer your call. It wasn’t just that he didn’t answer right then. You had finished your last tour of the museum for a class of second graders and were walking out to your car. It wasn’t unusual for Dean to hit you back later if he was mid-hunt. 
So you waited until the evening without a response. A warning bell trilled in your mind, but you tried not to get worried just yet. You decided to text him. 
Hey, just checking in.
You went to bed that night still waiting for his reply. 
Then the morning came, and you went a little crazy. You called him twice, then Sam. 
When Sam didn’t pick up, that little bell in your mind was a screaming fire alarm. It was a Friday though. You still had to go to work. 
So you got ready for your day as usual, though even your manager Jerry noticed that you were distracted. You had been working at the museum for around six months now, and you had proven yourself to be a dedicated worker and enthusiastic about your work. So Jerry knew when you were having an off day.
“You all right?” he asked. 
“Yeah, yeah,” you said. “It’s nothing.”
“Okay, well, you’ve got another tour in five minutes,” he reminded you, before he tsked and rushed over to a group of teenagers who were messing with the neanderthal exhibit. 
You sighed. The moment you thought about checking your phone again, it rang in your pocket. 
Quickly you checked who it was, your eyes widening. You answered, “Sam? Is everything okay? I’ve been calling—”
“Listen,” Sam said. “I…I need to tell you something.”
Your heart dropped into your stomach when you heard his tone. Whatever had happened, it wasn’t good. 
“What happened?” you asked. 
“We found our dad,” he said. “And the demon.”
You gasped and moved to a corner of the museum for some privacy. “You did? That’s…that’s great! But what—”
“We got into an accident,” said Sam. “My dad and I are okay, but Dean, he’s…”
Your breath stilled in your lungs, even as your heart started to pound.
“Where are you?” You started toward the back offices to grab your purse and fished for your car keys. While Sam told you the hospital and the city, your heels clacked on the shiny tile as you booked it to your car. 
“Hey, where are you going?” Jerry asked. 
You put Sam on hold for a moment and said, without hesitation (and tears in your eyes): 
“I’m sorry, I have a family emergency. My boyfriend just got hit by a truck.”
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AN: Aaand another cliffhanger. But I'm sure you know where this is going next...
2.01 "In My Time of Dying," in which the reader finally meets John Winchester, but she could end up losing Dean for good this time.
(Also, there are just a few more chapters after this. I promise I won't go through the entire show lol.)
To keep reading: PART 9
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Series Masterlist
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chris-grimaldi · 2 years
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Family Zoom Call 
Setting: off-camera Zoom call to tell the family about Juni’s pregnancy  Mentions: Marco Grimaldi, Lucy Grimaldi, Cisco McCoy ( @devilofsf-cisco ), Juniper Wilson ( @juniwilson )  Featuring: Giuseppe Grimaldi, Isabella Grimaldi, Matthew Grimaldi, Isaac Handelman
“Isaac! How do you make the video work?” the speakers blared his mother’s voice and just made Chris laugh into the back of his hand. His mother’s computer issues were somewhat legendary within the family so he wasn’t surprised that Zoom wasn’t something that she could figure it out. The muffled talking and computer clacking was in the background as Giuseppe’s face came on the screen. 
“Hey Dad,” Chris smiled, noticing the tired expression on the man’s face, coupled with the lack of natural light, “How’s Italy?”
“Beautiful as always,” Giuseppe answered, covering a yawn, “Looks like we’re going to be harvesting in September this year, but this year looks like we might end up with a grape surplus, so we’ve got a bit more planning to do there before I move over to check on the wineries in France,” the man explained, once again reminding Chris that while he was glad he was set to inherit the business, he didn’t actually have to worry about any of this - he could just hire someone to. 
“You know, if it’s that late at night, it’s fine if you want to log off and sleep...” he tried to tell his father as he was interrupted. 
“Yeah, but we all wanted to know if you managed to get kicked off the show already,” Isaac teased, his face filling the window as he finally got the camera on. 
Chris rolled his eyes as he took a mental note of who was there: Mom and Dad, Matthew and Isaac, the only person who was missing was Marco - who he wasn’t entirely sure was going to log on anyway. 
“Marco’s not coming because Lucy wasn’t invited,” Isaac said, rolling his eyes, “he’s back on his “if we won’t accept Lucy as part of the family then he’s going low contact with us” bullshit and his “why is Isaac accepted and Lucy not” bullshit.” like he forgets that I’ve been around since before Lucy and have never cheated on Matt.” It wasn’t a surprise, but Chris couldn’t help but roll his eyes anyway. With how Marco handled things it’d last a month at most and then he’d try to act like none of it happened. 
“We’re taking bets on if Lucy’s pregnant again,” Matt signed, which just made Chris sigh. He loved his nieces and nephew, he really did despite all of the drama that came from their existence, but he was not up for Lucy deciding to compete with Juni over pregnancy related things, especially when Lucy would work up to taking it personally. 
“Enough about her,” Isabella interrupted, which wasn’t a surprise considering that his mother might have been the one person in the world who hated Lucy more than he did, “Tell us about your Juni.” 
At the mention of their name, Chris almost immediately lit up with a smile. “They’re pretty wonderful. Kind, caring, nobody had a bad thing to say about them,” Chris started rambling, signing as he talked, “She’s a marine biologist, and it’s fascinating to hear about their work even though I don’t understand a ton of it yet, but I’m working on that. Plus they work with penguins so that’s an automatic plus in my book,” he added, causing everyone to laugh. 
“You and your penguins,” Guiseppe lovingly muttered in Italian. 
“So I’m not sure how much you’ve been watching...” he started. 
“Enough to know you totally had sex on the beach,” Matt finished, smirking at his brother before Isabella gave her youngest a look. 
“They didn’t show anything, it was just heavily implied,” Isaac laughed, finishing for his boyfriend. “Like is it gross? Do you get sand in weird places? I’ve always wanted to know.”
“And you get to keep wondering until you and Matt try it yourselves,” Chris retorted back. 
“Boys,” Isabella, “That is enough, we don’t need to talk about this. But passerotto, I know this isn’t what you want to think about, but don’t you think this is too fast? I don’t want you to get hurt again.” It was a valid concern, Chris knew that, especially with how things had gone with both Lucy and Rowan that slowing down was something that he needed to work on. Or as much as I could 
“Yeah, I know it’s fast, and I know that I promised that I wouldn’t but.....things changed,” Chris started, as he watched Matt narrow his eyes. 
“What do you mean things changed?” his brother signed a little suspiciously, “ You haven’t even been there a month. Mom hasn’t even gotten to the point where she’s Facetiming me every day because she misses you like she does every time you go away to shoot something.” 
“Well, Juni’s pregnant.” 
A stunned silence fell over his family as they all processed it.
“Dude, that’s fucking amazing!” Isaac finally exclaimed, a bright smile on his face. And with that the floodgates opened - everyone talking and signing over each other that Chris couldn’t keep up.
“Okay one at a time,” Chris said speaking over all of them to try and get them to stop. “Mom first.”
“You’re finally having a baby?” Isabella asked, tears in her eyes, “Are you happy? Is Juni happy?”
“We are. I know we’re still trying to figure things out, but we’re both excited and we’ve both really wanted kids. So we’re giving dating a try.’
“And you’re not proposing right away or eloping?” Giuseppe asked, and while the question was blunt, Chris knew his dad well enough that it was more a combination of sleep deprivation and curiosity than him trying to sound judgmental. 
“No, we’re just dating. I promise, even with the baby on the way, we’re not trying to rush things. I know that you all were worried about that,” Chris said, trying to ease all of their anxieties - and it was a relief to watch both of his parents relax. 
“Juni seems so nice, you need someone that’s nice,” Isabella smiled, “Especially to have your children. I’m so happy for you  passerotto.” 
“Is the island even safe for Juni to be pregnant on? With the lack of food?” Matt finally asked, logistical as always as his boyfriend lightly elbowed him. 
“Happy first, logistics later,” Isaac signed to him with a playful eyeroll and kiss on the cheek. 
“It is, they’re seeing the med staff pretty frequently, and we’re all making sure that she gets the proper rest and nutrition, just off camera. We don’t want people to know yet so the only other castmate who knows is Cisco because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut to him, and they’re editing it out of the show.” 
“My Christopher, finally a papà,” Isabella smiled, the woman barely having taken in anything else that he had said, “take care of her and the baby. When you get home make sure that Juni comes to family dinner. They are welcome any time.” 
“Thanks mom, I’ll let her know,” Chris nodded, “and I hate asking this, but since Marco isn’t here, do you mind not telling him? If he’s been acting that way lately he’s going to tell Lucy and you know that she’ll make sure everyone knows.” The family all nodded slowly, though Chris knew it meant he was going to have plenty of drama once Marco found out that he was the last to know. Still, it was worth it when it came to protecting Juni from the attention that they didn’t want. Especially when it was all so new. “Listen I’m going to have to get off soon,” he said, looking over at the producer peeking their head in the room. 
“Okay dude, have fun, stay safe, try not to get sand in weird places,” Isaac smirked at him, as the screen for Guiseppe went black as Chris had expected his dad was immediately going to sleep. 
“And let Cisco know when he proposes to Astrid, they can get get married at the winery, he’s family so it’s his too,” Isabella smiled, “give him and Juni both a hug from me.” 
“Will do mom. Love you all,” Chris smiled as he hung up, letting himself smile for a few more seconds before regaining his emotions so he wouldn’t accidentally spoil things for the rest of the cast.
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carryforthtradition · 2 months
Text
Strong Foundations
This is something I wanted to write, to show appreciation to the lads who do the groundwork.
Often the work no-one else is willing to do!
Since my parents moved in to this bungalow nearly 20 years ago, there’s always been an issue with pipes. This is more noticeable at Christmas when the gang is all here, and the bathroom is used more than usual. We get a flood on the drive.
Dad was a plumber, so we managed it ourselves. We are careful not to flush anything down the loo that shouldn’t be going down there - hair from the hairbrush, wet wipes - anything other than toilet roll, and we have been constantly reminded!! We’ve restricted time int he shower, tried to restrict the younger family memebers who love various potions and lotions from going crazy inthe shower or the sink, but alas, we still get floods on the drive.
This year, mum decided to get it sorted - and it turned out that there was half a brick blocking our flow into the main sewer - to cut a long story short - so matter how many times we tried to manage it and unblock our drain by the house, it would never have really done the job.
It was time for the big guys to come in and dig up the drive.
What we all thought would be pretty straight forward actually led to the most enormous hole dug out we could ever have imagined. I took mum to the hospital in the morning to have an eye operation and by the time we returned, our drive was a huge crevasse to traverse.
Photos - Richard and Nick - the grafters. Nick standing at the side of the hole with the bridge to get me and mum across to the house.
"I left school at 16. Straight C’s for GCSEs. Always wanted to work outside, so got an apprenticeship with a landscape gardening company. I did 1 day a week at Bishop Burton College then 5 days at work. Didn’t finish the 2 year course as I felt I was learning more at work and money was better if I left the course. Started doing landscaping which was paving, fencing, decking turfing etc . then moved on to do conservatory bases which was foundations and concrete work. I prefer the groundwork side of construction which is drainage, foundations, concrete and digger driving. Never wanted the stress of becoming a bigger company so decided to do smaller jobs that I can do on my own so now I try to concentrate on drainage jobs as they are a challenge to solve the problems and not many people like the hard graft of manually digging and working with 💩 but it’s never bothered me. But as I have a lot of experience in different aspects of construction I get asked to do different jobs each week. Love being self employed. In this industry you don’t necessarily need qualifications, it’s more about experience. So I’ve now had 19 years working outside."  -- Nick Barr - Groundwork
What’s more noteable than the hole is the local lads who did the work. Richard has done work for our family since my parents moved in. My dad was friends with his dad, Vic. Years ago I used to love sitting in the pub with dad chatting to Vic, a true Gentleman, always happy and smiling, and I’d often bump into him cycling past on his bike, curly hair bouncing and his knees sticking out, he always makes me smile, his dear wife too. Lovely family. Richard did our conservatory when my parents first moved in and then in 2020, he ‘project managed’ the construction of the extension on our kitchen. Nick came in to the groundwork, and other local lads to do the other parts, all friends and Richard finally finishing off with the roof. It was all completed, due to their extra hard work, in dad’s last few months - he wanted it finished for mum before he moved on from this world. And we use this room every day and dad’s never far from our thoughts.
I’d like to note that these lads work really, really hard, in all weather, come rain or shine, with great determination and with pride in their work. They go above and beyond to do a good job and are kind and helpful in their manner. I include my dear dad and husband in this too - these are reliable men built from finer stuff, something very genuine and of strong foundations. I would describe them as gentlemen, although I know this will have them laughing. Thank you to you all.
Neil in 1996 sat on an oil rig leg in dock in Singapore where we lived. Dad on his bike in France, 2007
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Text
Seasons of Med: Season 2 and Seasons of PD: Season 4: Necessities, Love, & Care (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)
Your age: 15
Jay's age: 29
Will's age: 31
You were currently sitting at the library, trying to figure out how you'd get food for dinner. It was January and you had run out of your Christmas money two weeks ago and you had burned through your money from helping with kettle corn at the beginning of December. Right now you were SOL: Shit outta luck.
Your mind wandered back to the last day you had helped working the kettle corn stand when it was a dreary late October day.
"We have kettle corn, caramel corn, cheddar, Chicago style, and a few other flavors," you explained to a customer. She picked up a medium bag of caramel corn. "That one?"
"Yes, dear. Me and my husband love this stuff," the old lady said.
"I'm sure. It's really good! It'll be six dollars." She pulled out a five and two ones. "I'll be right back with your change."
"Oh, no, keep the change, dear. Thank you for the popcorn."
"You're welcome. Have a nice day."
"Y/N," Emma said to you. "Can you grab me a lemonade from the cooler?"
"Just one?"
"Yup, just one."
You grabbed it from the cooler and were about to pass it to her when you saw who her customers were: Jay and Erin.
"Y/N?" Jay asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Working," you answered quickly. "Little bit of extra money never hurt anybody. The real question is, what are you doing here? I know Erin hates being outside when the weather is crappy."
"It's because he's annoying when he whines and begs to do something, so I figured it was just best to give in," Erin answered.
Jay rolled his eyes. "God, I can't win with either of you. Why do you always gang up on me?"
"Because, Halstead, us girls gotta stick together," Erin laughed.
"Okay, okay, fine. Y/N, what popcorn should I get?"
"First of all, it's kettle corn," you corrected. "And, I suggest the cheddar. Or, if you want a combination of both salty and sweet, then get the Chicago style. It's cheddar and caramel."
"Me and Erin like sweet, but I know you. You like cheddar. And you'll pick out the cheddar pieces when you're at my apartment, so I'll get the Chicago style."
"Or," Erin started as she picked up a large bag of caramel and a large bag of cheddar, "We could get this big bag of caramel, and then you could have this bag at your apartment for Y/N. That way the flavors aren't touching."
"Erin Lindsay and not liking her food touching. Fine, we'll take what Erin suggested and one lemonade."
"One or two straw holes?" Emma asked, picking up the lid-punching tool.
"One's fine," Jay answered.
"They swap enough spit as it is," you whispered to Emma, causing her to laugh.
"What'd she say?" Jay asked.
"I can't tell you. It's a secret."
He huffed. "Fine. Keeping secrets from your big brother? That's cold Y/N, that's cold."
"So you're saying you never kept secrets from Will?" Erin asked.
"I have the right to remain silent."
"Exactly," Erin said. "How much does he owe you?"
"Excuse me? I didn't know I'd be the one paying for all of this."
"You were the one who dragged me outside, so yes, you are paying, Halstead. Now, get your card ready."
Jay rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet. "How much?"
You did the math in your head. "$23."
"Emma, can you check her math?" Jay asked and you rolled your eyes in his lack of faith in you.
"$10 for the cheddar and $8 for the caramel makes $18...plus $5 for the lemonade...yup $23."
You handed him the card reader. "And now it's just going to ask you a few questions," you told him after his card went through.
Without allowing him to read it all the way through, Erin hit the tip and no receipt buttons. "Hey!" Jay exclaimed.
"Don't blame me! You were the one who wanted me to come out here!" She turned to you and took the bag of kettle corn as Jay picked up the 32 oz lemonade. "Thanks, Y/N!"
"No problem! Just make sure he doesn't buy any more paintings of motorcycles!"
Man, how you wished you could work that job right now because it was only for a few hours on the weekends. But, it was winter now, so there were no street fairs, farmers markets, or festivals going on. Because of this, your money had run out. You'd have to do what you'd have to get yourself some food, even if it would leave you with a guilty conscience.
With that in mind, you got up and left the library.
***
"Pop's been complaining of chest pain and refuses to go to the hospital," Jay told his older brother as he walked through the front door and into the living room.
"Of course he did," Will grumbled. Then, he turned to his father. "This won't take long. Unless it's bad. Then you'll have to come with me and actually go to the hospital this time."
"You can't force me to do anything," he argued as he watched his oldest son open up his medical bag.
"Just let him do his job. He knows what he's doing," Jay agreed with Will. Then, he remembered something. "Where's Y/N?"
"At school."
"At school? At 5 pm?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Sometimes she stays after school and does homework. She's always home before it gets too late so I don't ask."
It's not like Jay and Will could have known this, though. Yes, you would talk and they're obviously there for you because they're your brothers, but your dad's parenting skills--or lack thereof--hadn't ever come up. You'd get together with your brothers once a week, but it was usually at one of your brothers' places. They rarely came inside your and your dad's place.
"All units, we have reports of a robbery at 3020 East Main Street. Assistance requested," Jay's radio stated.
Jay looked to Will, silently asking if it was okay for him to take it. "I've got it from here."
"Thanks, man," Jay said, clapping Will on the back and leaving the house.
He drove to the small corner market that had made the call. It was only a block away from where you and your dad lived, but despite it usually being somewhat slow, today it was even slower. There was only one car parked in the lot, so Jay was confused as to who would even rob this place.
He put on his vest and walked into the store. "Got a call about a robbery," he said to the store manager as he entered.
"Yes, right over here."
He led Jay over to where a girl was sitting on a stool, tears rolling down her face. She held a box of pasta, a loaf of bread, and a small jar of peanut butter. Her coat was unzipped, revealing the tampons and pads she had stuffed inside her coat after she had ripped open the box.
"Y/N?" Jay asked in disbelief. "What are you doing? What were you even thinking?"
"I- I'm sorry," you sniffled.
Then he turned to the store manager. "You called the cops on a fifteen-year-old girl for grabbing what looks to me like necessities?"
"I've let her go the past two times when she needed things, but today she didn't have the money, so I couldn't let it slide."
Jay threw $30 in the man's hand. "There. Now it's all paid for." He turned to you and took the loaf of bread. "C'mon."
You followed him out of the store, waiting to be yelled at as you entered his truck, but it didn't come. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he handed you the bread. "Why? Why did you do this?"
"There- There's barely any food in the house. I was just hungry."
Jay looked you up and down. He hadn't been really looking for changes in weight like he told Natalie he would do six months ago. He kept it up for a few months and then winter came around and it was hard to tell because of bulky jackets and sweaters. But, now that he actually looked at your face and hands in an investigative manner, it was clear as day: You had lost even more weight.
"And the other stuff?" he asked.
"Dad won't buy them for me. Says that they're too expensive and to just use something else. He said that if he had had a son he wouldn't have to worry about it, like it's my fault. Usually, I take some from school, but I ran out and I needed them."
"And the food?" Jay asked as he started driving back to his childhood home.
"I get breakfast and lunch at school, but I have to eat dinner at home. And on weekends I just skip meals and eat breakfast and dinner."
"What? What about Dad?"
"He gets takeout or he goes to the bar and isn't home until late."
Jay sighed as he pulled into the driveway. "Go pack a bag, kid. You're staying at my place until further notice."
"Really? I thought you guys forgot about me?"
"We could never forget about you. It's just, work has been busy for both of us. So, sorry if these last few times we've all been together for dinner have seemed a little rushed. Now, go inside and grab your stuff while I have a chat with Will and Dad."
"Dad, Will," Jay said after you had run upstairs and they were sitting on the couch. "I need to talk to you. In the kitchen."
"Really, Jay. Why can't it be here?" your dad grumbled. "First he--" He pointed to Will. "Wants to take me to the hospital because he said I have a valve issue and now I can't even have a conversation with my sons while sitting down?"
"Just get up, dammit!"
The three entered the kitchen and sat down, but Jay stayed standing. "Jay, what's going on?" Will asked.
Instead of answering his older brother, Jay just opened the fridge. There was a half drank gallon of milk, a jar of grape jelly, and a can of pasta sauce, along with other condiments, and a lone egg sat on a shelf. "This? This is what you expect your daughter to eat? I caught her stealing from a store just so she could get food and tampons!"
"Well, I'm not gonna pay for it."
"Excuse you?" Will exclaimed, eyebrows raised in surprise. "What do you mean you're not paying for it? She's your daughter, isn't she? Then you have a legal responsibility to feed her, make sure she has shelter, clothes, and goes to school!"
"She can go get a job."
"She is fucking fifteen!" Jay yelled. "She doesn't need to be worrying about where her next meal is coming from! She's supposed to be worrying about getting a good grade on a math test or if that boy likes her or not, but not that!"
"She needs to learn to grow up someday. And she won't if you boys baby her like you always do whenever you see her."
"Baby her?" Will yelled, disgusted. "She's a kid. She needs to be babied sometimes. She needs fucking food and a nice home to come home to, not whatever the hell you think this is."
"It hasn't been a home since your mother died."
"Yeah, we gathered that," Jay scoffed. "But you don't have to take it out on her."
"Jay," your small voice said from the doorway into the kitchen. All three men looked over to you, your backpack on your back, a duffle bag slung over your shoulder, and your favorite blanket wadded up in your hands so that you could carry it without it dragging on the ground.
"Ready to go?" Jay asked, his voice immediately softening.
"Uh, yeah," you answered, unsure of how your dad would react.
"What do you mean ready to go?" Pat Halstead asked, standing up from where he had been previously sitting at the table. "She's not going anywhere!"
Will rushed over to you, placing a hand on your shoulder while Jay stalked over to be face to face with your dad. "She is coming with me until further notice. You're lucky I don't arrest your ass for child neglect!"
"You wouldn't do that to your own father!"
Jay pulled the cuffs out of his back pocket. "Oh yeah? Try me."
He sat back down and Jay turned to you. "Here, let me take that." You handed him your duffle bag and followed him and Will outside.
"Jay, I gotta go. I gotta get Dad to Med to get the valve fixed. And, I said one hour out of the hospital tops and it's been two."
Jay closed the truck door once you were safely inside with all your stuff. "Good luck trying to get Dad to go the hospital," he scoffed. "Get going. Don't give Goodwin another reason to fire your stupid ass."
"I'll call an ambulance if I have to." Then, Will smacked Jay upside the head.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"You know what it was for. And, I'm your older brother, it's my job."
"I'm your older brother, it's my job," Jay mocked. "But, in all seriousness, do me a favor and make sure Y/N's all caught up on her immune- immune--"
"Immunizations?" Will laughed.
"Yeah, those."
"I'll do that. And if she's not, I'll give them to her tonight when I come over to your place after my shift is done...which will be in like two hours...depending on how much of a pain in the ass he is to get in the hospital."
Jay nodded, and then got in the truck, both of you making your way to his place.
"I'm gonna go take a shower," Jay said after you had put your stuff down by the couch. "You have homework?"
"Yeah," you looked down, not wanting to even try and struggle through your homework...or have Jay sign the slip that said that you failed your last test.
Jay smiled. "I'll help you with it when I'm out of the shower, okay, kid?"
"How'd you know--"
"That is the universal facial expression of I need help, but I don't know how to ask for it. I'll be ten minutes tops."
And so, you tried to struggle through your homework for ten minutes. But, you ended up working and reworking the stupid algebra problem. Why did math need letters anyway?
"Okay, I'm back," Jay said as he pulled a chair out to sit next to you. "What are you workin' on?"
"Can you sign this first?" you asked, sliding the yellow paper over to him along with the pen. You hoped he'd just sign it blind, but as you saw his eyes skimming the page, you knew that wouldn't happen.
"Did you try your best?" he asked as he slid the piece of paper back to you after signing it.
"What? Yeah, of course, I did."
"Okay, then we'll figure something out. Now, how about we eat some dinner? I've got pizza in the freezer. That okay?"
"That's great," you answered.
Jay got the pizza in the oven while you went and changed into your pajamas. You decided it was in your best interest to have Will help you with your math homework.
***
"Ah! The man of the hour!" Jay exclaimed as he pulled out the pizza and Will entered the house.
You immediately noticed the red bag he was carrying over his shoulder and the two king-sized Twix bars.
"Why do you have your medical bag?" you asked.
"How did you know this was my medical bag?"
"I'm not stupid, Will."
"Okay, so you're all caught up on your shots, but I need to do a blood draw because I need to see if you're deficient in any vitamins and minerals. Have you been eating enough fruits and veggies?" he asked.
"Probably not as much as I should," you admitted. "They're too expensive unless I get the canned kind and I don't like those unless it's canned peaches. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Short Stack. None of this is your fault. You hear me? None of it. I just need to take the blood and then get it sent to the lab to see if you need to get any specific pills to get your vitamin and mineral levels up."
"Okay. Does it hurt?" you asked. You knew what a shot felt like, but you'd never had your blood drawn before, so you didn't know what it felt like to have a needle in your arm for a long time, taking blood. You knew what it felt like to have an IV in from when you passed out at the movie theater, but you didn't know if this needle would be the same size or bigger.
"You just feel a slight pinch at the beginning."
"Like getting a shot?"
"Like getting a shot," he confirmed.
"Hey, I was thinking," Jay started as he reappeared from the kitchen area, "what if we have celery and carrots with ranch for dinner, too? You know, like when we eat chicken wings at restaurants and they bring you some veggies, except we'll have ours with pizza."
"Okay," you agreed. "I like ranch."
"So does everyone in the midwest," Will joked.
"What's the medical bag for?" Jay asked. "She needs shots? And, what's with the Twix bars?"
"No, I'm drawing her blood to see if she's deficient in anything. And, there's one Twix bar for her and one for you because we all know how you feel about needles, Jay."
Jay rolled his eyes. "We doing this before we eat?"
"Yes. And, I need you to answer some questions for me, Y/N. These are strictly doctor protocol questions, okay? You don't need to be embarrassed about any of the answers."
You nodded.
"Okay," Will started, "When did you last eat? Just need to write it down for fasting glucose levels."
"Um, lunch at school, so around noon."
"So, six-hour fast," Will scribbled down on a piece of paper. "Next one, are you sexually active?"
"Will!"
"It's just standard protocol, just in case I need to test for STDs."
"No, I am not. Next question."
"Okay, last one: When was your last period?"
"You've got to be kidding me. I'm not pregnant, I haven't had sex!"
Will chuckled. "It's not for that. Sometimes when people are deficient in vitamins and minerals, they can lose their period for months at a time, signaling that their body isn't healthy. The medical term is amenorrhea." But, what he wanted to say was that when girls are underweight, this can also happen. And, from seeing how baggy your sweatshirt and jeans were on you, he assumed that you'd lost ten pounds since last going to the doctor when you passed out in the movie theater parking lot, making your weight loss a grand total of 25 pounds, which would qualify you as being underweight.
"Oh. I started today."
"Okay, good to know. Any changes in length or heaviness of menstruation?"
"I swear, I'd rather have Natalie or April be asking me these questions," you grumbled. "But, yes, it's a lot lighter and it went from me having my periods for five days to two days. Can we please stop talking about this now?"
"Yeah, we're all done. Sorry about that, but it's protocol."
"Says the guy who's drawing my blood at Jay's apartment instead of in a hospital, where it should be done."
"Hey, I've worked in much worse conditions than this in Sudan. How much water did you drink today?"
"A lot."
"Okay, good." Will started to unzip his medical bag. He passed a Twix bar to Jay. "Here, eat this and focus on it so you don't focus on the needles and then freak out."
Jay rolled his eyes, but took the candy bar and unwrapped it.
"Do I get one?" you asked.
"Once I draw your blood, yes, the other one is for you. Now, right or left arm?"
You held out your left arm and Will moved to the other side of you so he had a better angle. He sanitized his hands and then snapped on a pair of gloves.
"So, what do you do?" you asked. "I've never had my blood drawn before."
"I just tie off your arm so that I can get the veins to show a bit better, wipe down the spot with an antiseptic wipe, stick the needle in, and then wait for the vial to fill up."
"That's it?"
"That's it. Can you make a fist with your left hand for me?"
You did as Will told you and then he tied a band around your bicep and started touching the inside of your elbow, trying to get some veins to show. He furrowed his eyebrows and moved down your arm, rubbing your forearm and then going back up to the crook of your elbow and gently pressing there.
"What's wrong?" you asked.
"You just have really small veins is all. I could take the blood from the big vein in your forearm, but I don't really want to do that one since it's so big. Can you squeeze your fist tighter for me?" You did as he said while he kept pressing on the crook of your elbow. "There we go. Got one. Now, turn and look at Jay while I get the needle ready."
You looked at Jay and tried not to laugh. "You okay?"
"Me? I should be asking you that," he replied. "You're the one who's about to get stabbed with a needle."
"It's just that you got some sweat on your forehead. You look nervous."
"They're needles. They're tiny little sharp metal objects and if one breaks off--"
"Jay, respectfully," Will started, cutting off his brother, "shut the hell up, so you don't scare my patient. You might just want to look away instead of watching me. Then you might feel fine." Then, he turned back to you. "Okay, Y/N, keep looking at Jay. Close your eyes if you want to. You're going to feel a small pinch."
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Then, you squeezed your eyes shut tightly and grit your teeth, trying not to yell out as the needle pierced your skin.
"Hard part's done," Will said. You nodded, still keeping your eyes closed.
"That was not a small pinch," you retorted about a minute later.
"Sorry."
You opened your eyes and watched as the blood flowed from your vein into the small tube that was hooked up to the needle.
"I thought you hated blood," Jay pointed out. "And here you are, watching the entire process."
"I'm fine when it's my blood if it's not a huge, deep cut," you explained. "It's other people's blood I don't like."
"Well, that takes any job in the medical field off your career choices," Will said.
You sat there for a few more minutes, waiting for the vial to fill up. Will pressed on your arm, close to the needle, to see if more would come out. "This vein is really small," he said.
You watched as the blood coming into the tube started becoming slower and slower, in what looked to be bubbles.
"Just a little more," Will muttered.
You started taking deeper breaths as you felt sweat start to bead on your forehead.
"Okay, let's see how much this gave me." He pressed his thumb above where the needle was and you turned back to Jay as he removed the needle.
Then, he got the blood into the vial. "Bad news," he started, "I might need to take more. Let's see how much extra there is." He put the extra into another, smaller vial. "Yeah, this one clotted too, so bad news, we need more."
You nodded and closed your eyes, feeling your face get hot and starting to feel lightheaded. You pinched the bridge of your nose, willing this uncomfortable feeling to go away.
"You doing okay?" Will asked.
"Yeah," you answered.
"Okay, I'm gonna do your right arm this time." You held your right arm out to him. "Make a fist for me." You did as he told you and he tied the blue band around your bicep.
But, you were getting even dizzier. "Actually, can I get some water? I feel dizzy."
"Course," Will said. "Jay, can you get her some water and juice if you have any?"
"Apple juice good?"
"That's fine," you answered.
Will untied the band from your bicep. "We're just going to wait a few minutes until you feel less dizzy before I take more blood, okay?"
You nodded and took the water from Jay when he came back.
"Let's have the juice after I finish," Will suggested after a few minutes had passed and you finished the water. "Feeling better, Short Stack?"
"Yeah, let's get this over with." Your forehead was still a bit sweaty, but you were a lot less dizzy.
Will repeated the same process as the last arm and it went a lot faster. Turns out he picked a bit bigger vein in the crook of your elbow of this arm than he did the other one.
"And, we're done," Will said as he capped the vial.
He handed you the juice. "Thanks," you said. "That was not fun."
"I bet. At least you didn't pass out. I've had a few patients do that when I went through my clinicals. That's why normally when someone gets their blood drawn, they sit in this chair where something is flipped down in front of them so they don't fall out of the chair just in case they pass out."
"Jay, do you pass out?" you asked.
He scoffed. "No. I don't even get dizzy. My body doesn't react like that."
"He just breaks out into a sweat whenever he sees needles," Will whispered, loud enough for Jay to hear.
"Hey! I heard that! Take one more jab at me and you won't be getting any pizza, Will. I mean it!"
Will held his hands up in a mock surrender while you finished up your juice. Then, Will started to pack up his medical stuff and Jay brought the pizza and veggies and ranch out, along with plates of course.
You ate your pizza while Will helped you with your math homework. Once you finished two slices of pizza and some celery and ranch, you said that you were done.
"You sure?" Jay asked. "You can have as much as you want."
"I'm good. Gotta save some for tomorrow." Your eyes widened as you realized what you had just said. "I'm gonna go take a shower. It's been a long day."
"Okay, clean towels are in the cabinet in the bathroom where they always are," Jay said, trying not to react to what you had just said even though he knew exactly what you were doing.
You were rationing food.
"Fuck," Jay said as he put his head in his hands when he knew you were in the bathroom and out of earshot.
"What? What did she mean by gotta save some for tomorrow?" Will asked.
"She's rationing it. I used to do it in Afghanistan. Save some of my MRE and put it in my pack to eat the next day if I was on a long trek and we knew we wouldn't get back to base. It would be cold and usually disgusting, but I'd choke it down because it was calories and I needed fuel to be sharp in case we came in contact with combatants."
"Poor kid. At least we had Mom."
Jay nodded. "What happened with Dad at the hospital?"
"Had to have a mitral valve replacement because his wasn't working properly. Told him over and over to get his checked regularly, but he didn't because he's stubborn. He went for the non-surgical option first, but then there were complications, so Rhodes performed surgery. He's fine."
"That's good... I guess." Jay glanced around and he saw your duffle bag sitting outside the bathroom door. You had grabbed your clothes to bring them into the bathroom and left your open duffle bag by the door.
Jay stood up and started walking towards it.
"What are you doing?" Will hissed.
"I need to see if she's got anything else in there that will help prove neglect. I'm assuming it needs to be proved...I only know criminal court cases, don't know much about family court cases."
"What do you mean family court? You're going to fight Dad to be able to take care of her?"
"Yeah, I'll fight to be her legal guardian. Unless you want to do it. My loan went through for a new apartment, which has two bedrooms, so I figured I might be better suited."
"Go ahead. You'd probably have a better chance anyway because you were around more when I was in New York."
Jay nodded and started to dig around your duffle bag. He chuckled and pulled out your Build-A-Bear. "She still sleeps with Beary," he said as he held up the stuffed bear. "Probably doesn't change his clothes anymore because she's too old for that, but he's in pajamas."
"Remember that military uniform you got for her bear? Mom said she barely took Beary out of that because she missed you so much."
"Yeah, and if she wouldn't have dropped him at the airport, I might not have met Mouse."
The two fell into a comfortable silence as he continued to dig through your bag. He got to a big zip-lock bag full of pieces of fabric that were stained light reds and browns.
"Will, c'mere," Jay said, waving him over. Will squatted down next to Jay. "You know what this is?"
Will sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. I saw a lot of this when I worked in Sudan."
"Well, what is it?"
"So, when girls don't have access or money to buy feminine hygiene products, they'll use scraps of fabric and wash them. Looks to me like she cut up some, um, she cut up some underwear and then used them as make-shift pads. If they aren't taken care of properly, she could end up with an infection. And, if she tried to use them as tampons instead of pads, it could lead to TSS, which stands for Toxic Shock Syndrome."
"We're gonna have to talk to her about this now, aren't we?"
"Unfortunately, yeah. She's not gonna be happy you dug through her stuff, so I'll let you explain why you were going through it. And, if she used them as tampons, I want her to get a pelvic exam, just to make sure she didn't get any infections. Much more likely to get an infection from tampons than pads."
Jay nodded. He hated having the current conversation and knew he was going to hate the next one even more, but he knew he had to do these things if he wanted to petition the court for legal guardianship.
Jay picked up your duffle bag and brought it to the living room and he set the zip-lock bag full of pieces of fabric on top.
"I can't believe we missed this," Will said. "I mean, we're both trained in how to spot abuse and we couldn't even spot it in our little sister."
"There weren't outright signs," Jay said. "No bruising, limping, cuts, burns, nothing like that. And, it's winter, it's easy to hide the weight loss. But, I still agree with you. If we would've spotted it earlier, we could've gotten her out of there."
"I'm pretty sure she's officially underweight now."
Jay ran a hand through his hair and then stood back up. "I'm gonna go put clean sheets on my bed. I'll let Y/N take it tonight so that we can keep talking out here when she goes to sleep."
"Good idea."
A few minutes later, Jay was back on the couch next to Will and you walked out of the bathroom, wearing a baggy t-shirt and some sweatpants that you had to keep pulling up because they were too big on you now, and a pair of fuzzy socks. You were cold all the time now and wanted your hoodie out of your duffle and wanted to put your dirty clothes in there, but when you looked down to the spot where you thought you had put it, it wasn't there.
"Guys?" you asked. "Have you seen my bag?"
You walked over to the kitchen table where your blanket was sitting on the chairs and wrapped that around yourself instead.
You furrowed your eyebrows as you saw your brothers on the couch, your duffle bag in front of them on the floor, and on top, your bag of ripped-up, old underwear that you used as pads when you didn't have any.
"You went through my stuff?" you asked, starting to become angry.
"Y/N," Jay started, "I know you're mad and it was me who went through it and not Will, so don't be mad at him, be mad at me. But, I went through it to see if anything was in there that could help me get you out of dad's house. Permanently."
"You- You want to have custody of me?" you asked.
A small smile appeared on Jay's lips and he nodded. "It wouldn't be considered custody because I'm not your biological parent, it would be considered guardianship, but yes, I want you to stay with me. And, my loan went through for a new apartment, so you'd have your own room and everything."
"Okay."
Jay looked at Will, not wanting to be the one to start this conversation. And, he figured Will would be the best one to start it because he was a doctor.
"Y/N, we need to ask you about these." Will motioned to the zip-lock bag on top of your stuff.
You sat in the loveseat across from them and looked down at your feet.
"It's okay, you're not in trouble," Will continued. "We just want to know how you used them in case you need to get a pelvic exam to check for infections in that area."
Your lip began to tremble as tears started to roll down your cheeks. "I used them as pads," you said quietly. "Dad wouldn't buy me any and I stopped getting them from school because I thought they'd suspect something was wrong if I- if I kept taking them."
"One more question," Will said softly. "I just need to know in case we need to take you in for this. I know you said you used them as pads, but did you ever try and use them as tampons?"
"No. I only used them as pads," you whispered. "I was scared to use them as tampons." You looked up at your brothers, who both had tears in their eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you rushed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner I was just--" You let out a wail and Jay got up and knelt in front of you.
"Hey, hey, none of this is your fault. Do you hear me? Absolutely none of this is on you. It's all on Dad. Every single bit of it. You are not the one to blame."
You launched yourself into his arms, crying out every emotion you had felt these past few months: anger, frustration, fear, sadness, it was all coming out now.
And, Jay just held you and let you cry it out because that was what your guys' mom used to do for him. And, he knew it worked.
Twenty minutes later, your wails were just quiet whimpers and you pushed yourself back up onto the loveseat, where Will had moved to the spot next to you. He wrapped an arm around you and you leaned into him, craving the comfort that had been denied to you for so long.
"You still have that Twix bar?" you asked.
"All that crying made you hungry, didn't it, Short Stack?" Will asked as Jay got up to retrieve the candy bar from the table.
You nodded.
"Thank you," you said when Jay handed you the Twix bar. You unwrapped it and broke it into the two sticks. "You guys want any?" They both shook their heads: they knew you needed to get as many calories in you as possible.
Jay sighed, he might as well get this hard conversation over with you tonight as well. "Y/N, you can eat as much as you want. I won't say anything about you eating too much, okay?"
You looked up from your candy bar. "You won't call me a burden because I'm eating your food? Like Dad did?"
"He said that?" Will asked, giving Jay a look that read when I see him next, I can't be held accountable for my actions.
"Yeah. One time there were some leftovers he had gotten from a bar and I was so hungry and it was the middle of the night, so I took them out and heated them up. The microwave timer must've woken him up because he came out just as I was about to start eating and then he yelled at me for eating his food and called me a burden."
"Well, we don't think that. Neither Will nor me think that," Jay told you. "And you can eat as much as you want."
You yawned as you crumpled up your Twix wrapper.
"Tired?" Will asked.
"Yeah," you mumbled.
"It's been a long day," Jay said. "You can take my bed."
"Jay, it's your apartment, I can't--"
"Y/N, this isn't up for discussion. I already put clean sheets on the bed for you."
"Is- Is there a fan in your room? I can't sleep without white noise."
"There is. You want me and Will to tuck you in?"
"I'm too old for that." You stood up and Will did, too. "Jay, can you hand me Beary? He should be in my duffle."
"Here you go, kid."
You took your bear and held him loosely in your arm. Then, you enveloped Jay in a hug and did the same for Will.
"I love you guys."
"We love you, too," Will said.
"Now get to sleep. You've still got school in the morning. I'll be here when you wake up."
"Dad sometimes wouldn't be home when I woke up for school. He'd be at a friend's house sleeping off a hangover from the night before or just sleeping."
Jay furrowed his eyebrows. "Doesn't he have to work?"
"He does work, but only a few days a week. The other days, he stays out really late and then comes home either drunk or hungover."
"I see," Jay stated. "Well I won't be doing that, I can promise you that."
"I know. You aren't like Dad. Neither of you are." You yawned again. "I'm going to bed, goodnight."
A few minutes later, you were out like a light and Will was still at Jay's apartment.
"So, Abby called me the other day," Will started. "She's looking for you. Says she's in town for a few days and wants to meet up."
"Oh yeah? She say why?" Jay asked, wondering why his ex-wife--who was the result of a blackout drunk wedding in Vegas, a thing that lasted only 24 hours tops--was in Chicago and was looking for him of all people.
"She said you two are still married."
Jay threw his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."
***
"Morning," Jay said as he stood at the stove flipping some eggs. "Sleep good?"
"I slept really good. Didn't even hear you wake up."
"Fan did the trick then?"
You nodded and grabbed a mug from the cupboard and went to start pouring yourself a cup of coffee.
"Nuh-uh," Jay chirped, putting his hand on the handle of the coffee pot as well.
"Why not? I drank it at Dad's."
Jay raised an eyebrow. "You drank coffee at Dad's?"
"Yeah, on the weekends sometimes that would be my breakfast because it curbs my appetite and there wasn't a lot to eat."
Jay sighed. "Well, you'll have enough to eat here, I can promise you that. And, coffee stunts your growth."
"Jay," you groaned. "I haven't grown since sixth grade."
"Okay, well, then you don't want to become dependent on it at such an early age, then. Come talk to me when you're a legal adult or in college."
"Fine." You let go of the coffee pot and put the mug back in the cupboard.
"You can have juice though." The toast in the toaster popped up and Jay placed the toast on a plate and then put a slice of cheese on each piece and then an egg on top. He also put a small bowl of strawberries next to it. "I'm gonna go get dressed while you eat. And then, once you're ready, I'll take you to school."
"Okay, thanks, Jay."
"You're welcome, kiddo."
You rolled your eyes at the nickname and then went to the fridge to get the apple juice. When you opened the fridge, you saw a brown paper bag with your name on it. Curiosity got the best of you, so you took it out and looked at the contents while you ate your breakfast.
Inside was a ham and Colby jack cheese sandwich with lettuce, pickles, mustard, and mayonnaise, an apple, a coconut-flavored Greek yogurt, celery with peanut butter, and a chocolate chip granola bar. There were also two dollars at the bottom of the bag paperclipped together with a sticky note stuck to the top.
For chocolate milk. ~Jay was what the note read.
Tears sprung to your eyes as you continued to eat your breakfast. You don't remember the last time you brought a lunch to school; you'd always get your lunch for free at school. When you got the paper from school about the free/reduced lunch because teachers noticed you didn't have much to eat, you waited until your dad was hungover and it was early in the morning, and handed him a pen and he signed the paper blindly. And, that's how you got lunch and breakfast at school without any cost to you or your dad.
"Hey, I can just brush my teeth at the kitchen sink if you want the bathroom--" He cut himself off when he saw the tears in your eyes. "What's wrong?"
"You- You made me lunch?" you asked as you turned to face him.
He smiled. "Of course I did. I know how bad cafeteria food can be. And, if it tastes good, it's usually not very good for you."
"Thank you," you said as you wiped a tear away that had rolled down your cheek.
"Aww, hey, don't cry, don't cry. It's okay. You're safe now. You don't need to worry about where your next meal will come from. And, I'm going to petition a judge for legal guardianship in a few days. I just have to have a few conversations with some lawyers."
"Does this mean you have to move? I don't want to kick you out of your apartment."
Jay dismissed that with a wave. "I already put in a loan application for a new apartment. Two bedrooms. Really nice."
"Can you tell me about it? While I finish eating my strawberries."
Jay nodded and sat down in the chair across from you. "It's a two-bedroom, washer, dryer. But, I know you don't care about those things. There's underground parking. It's got a gym, a whole club level, with like a coffee lounge, and all this other stuff."
"That sounds really nice."
"Yeah, it is a pretty nice building. Coffee lounge would be perfect for you to get your homework done if you don't feel like staying in the apartment."
"I thought you said I couldn't drink coffee?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I meant the caffeine in the coffee. Decaf coffee and lattes and tea lattes, that's a different story. I'm sure they have pastries there, too."
"Never pegged you for a coffee snob," you joked.
"You learn a lot about coffee and about a person when you have to get your entire unit coffee. I'll let you in on a little secret: Ruzek's coffee order is the most complicated."
"Really?"
"Really. Now, go finish getting ready. Don't want you being late for school."
***
"Hey, Er, can you meet me at the diner we usually go to?" Jay asked his girlfriend over the phone after he had dropped you off at school.
"Yeah, no problem. Give me fifteen minutes. We haven't caught a case yet, but we should keep our radios on just in case. Everything okay?"
"It's a long story. I'll explain everything in person, okay?"
"Okay," Erin answered skeptically. "I'll see you in a few."
Fifteen minutes later on the dot, Erin walked into the little diner and spotted Jay sitting in the corner booth.
"Alright, what's going on?" she asked after she had ordered her food and some coffee. "You sounded really stressed on the phone."
Jay sighed. "I'm going to fight for legal guardianship of Y/N."
"What? Why? What happened?" Erin asked as she widened her eyes.
"Our dad, he uh, he hasn't really been the greatest. Not keeping food in the house, calling her a burden when she tries to eat some of his food, not buying her products for you know...girl stuff. She's probably lost like 25 pounds since the end of last school year. And, I know that doesn't sound like a lot with the amount of time that's passed, but she's underweight. Will drew some of her blood last night to see if she's deficient in some vitamins or minerals."
"My God."
"Yeah, so, I know we were going to move into your place together, but I need another bedroom and my loan went through at that place I told you about, so I'm going to put an offer in there. You could always move in with me if you want, but I don't know if it would be a good idea for that to happen right away. I just want to get Y/N healthy again. I'm sorry."
"Jay, I get it. She's family. Do you know how you're going to go about this? Did you talk to Voight about taking any time off to sort this out?"
"Not yet. But, I think I'm going to call Antonio and see if he can help me out with getting a meeting with ASA Stone. I know he works criminal cases, but he's gotta know some stuff about family court cases. So, I figured he might be able to help me with this whole process."
"Good idea. If you need any help, just say the word and I'll be there."
Jay smiled. "Thanks, Er." He didn't want to have the conversation he was about to have, but he knew he had to tell her. "There's uh, there's one more thing I need to tell you."
"Okay, what is it?"
"About eight years ago, I was married."
"Excuse me, what? You were married and you didn't tell me?"
Jay knew this was a bad idea...which was why he hadn't wanted to tell Erin, but now that he wasn't officially divorced for whatever reason, he knew needed to tell her. "Just let me explain."
"Yes, please do," Erin sneered.
"Her name's Abby. She ran Cultural Support during my last tour in Kandahar. About a year after I came home, I saw her at a funeral in Vegas. Was... was a guy in our unit, he had redeployed, and, um, he didn't... Um, I was, like, blacking out most nights, and we were both pretty shook up. And, um, we got married." He chuckled at the thought of his twenty-one-year-old self thinking that marriage was a good idea. "It was, like, a 24-hour thing, it was a total joke, and it is long over."
Erin just stared at him, as he waited to be chewed out by her. "Jay, you married this girl. And you never told me, and you were never gonna tell me," was all she said.
"I know. And, I'm sorry. But, I'm meeting up with her in a few days to sign the documents that I thought I'd signed because she's getting married and we need to make the divorce official...even though, in my mind, it's been official for eight years.
"Er, please don't hate me, but with everything going on, with me trying to get guardianship of Y/N and me finding out that I'm somehow still married--"
"You want us to take a break?" Erin asked, finishing his sentence for him.
Jay nodded. "I'm sorry. I just don't think I can juggle a relationship with all this other stuff. And, it's not fair to you."
Erin swallowed. "Well, just tell me if you need any help with Y/N. I'll always be there for you. Relationship or partnership, I'll always have your six."
"And I'll always have yours."
Erin's phone buzzed on the table and she picked it up. "It's Voight. We caught a case."
Jay laid some bills on the table. "Then let's go."
***
"Got the results of Y/N's bloodwork back," Will told Jay over the phone while he had a quick break for lunch...even though it was four o'clock in the afternoon. But, that's the thing about the medical field: breaks are never regular.
"And? Any deficiencies?" Jay asked, walking into his bedroom as you were at the table doing homework and he didn't want to distract you.
"Yes, two actually. Iron and riboflavin. The low iron explains why her periods have become shorter and lighter, but that can also be attributed to how small she is now."
"How do we go about this then?"
"I'll send you a list of foods that have levels high iron and riboflavin. Oh, riboflavin's found in vitamin B by the way."
"Okay, care to tell me what iron and riboflavin do? I know iron helps with hemoglobin and red blood cells, but I have no idea what riboflavin does."
"You're right about iron. I'm shocked. Or, what do the kids say these days? I'm shook."
"I swear to God, please never use that phrase again. And, I know what iron does because I paid attention in high school nutrition class, thank you very much."
"If I remember correctly, I helped you with most of the homework in that class."
"Whatever, you helped me. Now, tell me about riboflavin."
"So, riboflavin just helps convert food into energy and is needed for healthy skin, hair, blood, and a healthy brain." Jay could hear a beeping in the background on Will's end. "Gotta go. I'll send you that list of foods right now, though."
"Thanks, man."
You looked up as Jay came back into the kitchen. "Everything okay?" you asked.
Jay pulled out a chair and sat across from you. "So, I just got off the phone with Will. He got the results from your bloodwork back."
"Is it bad? Am I dying?" You set your pencil down, bracing yourself for bad news.
"No," Jay chuckled, "you're not dying. You just don't have enough iron and riboflavin, which is a specific B vitamin. Will sent me a list of foods that have high levels of those in them. You up for some grocery shopping? We can also grab some multivitamins that have those in them, too, just to help your levels stabilize faster."
"Okay, we can go now. I'm due for a break."
***
"So, some foods that contain riboflavin include milk, eggs, cheese, yogurt, meats, green leafy vegetables, and riboflavin enriched grains and cereals," Jay read off his phone.
"I've had a lot of those today already," you pointed out. "Eggs and cheese with breakfast. I had that yogurt for a snack at school, and I had meat and cheese on my sandwich and I had chocolate milk with my lunch at school."
That was just standard, Jay thought. He wondered what you ate when you were at your Dad's. And, he knew that if he wanted to obtain guardianship of you, he'd need to know these things.
"What did you eat at Dad's?" Jay probed.
"I mean, I barely made it to school on time most mornings because I was trying to be quiet so I didn't wake Dad, which made me move slower when getting ready. So, I'd usually just grab a small thing of dry cereal when I got to school and eat it in my first class. I never checked to see if it was one of the enriched ones. I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize. There's no way you could've known. Now, what did you usually have for lunch at school?"
"I always tried to get veggies with my lunch, but most of the veggies were the gross canned ones, like canned corn or green beans. I don't like those. Sometimes, they'd have little salads as a side and I'd get those. Sometimes they'd have yogurt parfaits and I'd get those. But, I'd usually go for the pre-made subs, because at least those would have veggies on them...even if it was just lettuce and pickles. I'd usually try to get an apple or banana as my side, too." You paused. "If I was getting meat and cheese from the sub and milk from my chocolate milk, then how am I deficient in this?"
"It's probably because the meat and cheese schools use is so heavily processed that there are little to no vitamins left in it," Jay answered.
"And you know this how?"
"As you get older, you acquire a lot of knowledge and one of those things is that the more processed a food is, the fewer vitamins and minerals are preserved...and I watch a lot of The Food that Built America on the History channel."
"Oh, okay. What foods are on that show?"
"Usually it's about fast food. One episode I watched last week was about ice cream and popsicles and how they came to be in America. Pretty interesting."
"Can we watch an episode tonight? That show sounds good."
"Of course." He paused in front of the fresh produce. "Take your pick. But, just make sure you get some leafy greens for the riboflavin and some fruit and other green veggies for iron."
You picked up a few things such as more apples, a bag of Clementines, bananas, spinach, carrots, and celery, and then, you shocked your brother as you picked up a bag of kale.
"Kale?" he asked. "Didn't know you liked it."
You shrugged. "I heard it tastes kind of like spinach. And, I saw a recipe on Pinterest for a salad that has kale, lemon juice, and dates. Is it okay if we try that?"
"You know, I think that would be the perfect side for dinner tonight. I'll add lemon juice and dates to the list."
"I didn't grab too many fruits and veggies, right?" you asked, not wanting to waste food or your brother's hard-earned money. "I- I can put some back if you want me to."
"Nope, it's all good. We can always freeze the bananas if they go bad for smoothies or banana bread. And, we can always turn the apples into apple sauce. Spinach and kale freeze well, too and you can't even taste them if we put them in smoothies."
"How do you know this stuff?" you asked.
"I used to watch Mom cook a lot when I was little. And, when I moved out on my own, she gave me a copy of a cookbook she always used. Said the recipes at the beginning of the book were simple enough that I wouldn't burn my apartment down."
You laughed at the thought of your mom scolding Jay if his apartment got ruined from his cooking. "Do you still have it?" you asked. "The cookbook, I mean."
"I do."
"Can we make something out of it tonight?"
"You know, I think that's a great idea." He pursed his lips. "How about Mom's chicken pot pie? I think I have some frozen peas and corn in the freezer and we can use the carrots we just grabbed in it, too."
"That sounds really good. Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me." Jay paused. He figured now would be as good a time as any to tell you. "Uh, do you remember the day that we got ice cream and went and played soccer with Ben when you were little? The night that Mom went into the hospital?"
You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat at the memory of that day.
"Well, she told me to take care of you. There's no way I would break a promise to Mom."
"She said that?"
"Mhmm."
"It's like she knew something was going to happen."
"Mom was a smart lady. Will had to have gotten it from somewhere and he sure didn't get it from Dad."
You laughed. "Hey, you're smart, too. Just not sciency smart. You're more puzzle smart because you put the pieces together of who committed a crime." Jay laughed at your description of his job. "Oh, is the recipe for Mom's garlic mashed potatoes in that cookbook?"
"It is. Want those as a side along with the salad you mentioned?"
"Yes, please...if it's not a problem."
"They're super simple and quick to make." He scribbled on a piece of notebook paper that he had written down a few groceries on, like the salad ingredients you had mentioned. "Alright, potatoes, a rotisserie chicken, and pastry dough have all been added to the list."
***
"I'll be back later tonight, no later than midnight," Jay told you two days later on Sunday night. "I know it's not ideal because you have school in the morning, but try and get some sleep while I'm gone, okay?"
"I'm used to being home alone at night, Jay." You shrugged. "I'll be fine."
"I know, it's just that not something I want you to get used to. Feel free to eat anything you want, cook anything you want. As long as you don't burn down the house, I don't care what you make. Oh, and remember to take your multivitamin before bed."
You rolled your eyes. "I'm fifteen, not five. Now, get going. Don't want you to be late to meet that lawyer."
"Love you. I'll be back by midnight. Lock the door behind me."
"I will. Love you, too."
With that, Jay left his apartment to go meet with ASA Stone and you locked the door behind him as he told you.
***
"So, Antonio told me you have some custody questions," Peter Stone said once he closed the door of his office.
"That's right," Jay replied as he took a seat in front of Stone's desk and turned his phone completely off and Stone took a seat in his chair behind his desk.
"Didn't know you had a kid, Halstead."
"No, I don't actually," Jay chuckled. "I have a kid sister. Name's Y/N and she's fifteen."
"Okay, and why do you want guardianship then?"
"When me and Will, my older brother, were kids, our dad kinda checked out on parenting us when we hit our mid-teens. But, we had our mom around, so it was okay. I went over there the other day because my dad was having some heart issues and I called Will. When I was there, I got a call of a robbery and it was Y/N. She was stealing food from a corner store because our dad wasn't feeding her," Jay explained.
"I see. So, other than her word and her stealing food, do you have any proof of this?"
"I know I should've called DCFS before letting her stay with me, but I couldn't let her stay there a minute longer, Peter. She's lost like 25 pounds in the past six months and she's deficient in both iron and vitamin B."
"Okay, what we have to do is petition for guardianship in front of a judge. I can help you with the documents and I can even represent you at the hearing if you want."
"Wow, yeah, that'd be great. Thank you."
"Anything else you want to tell me about your dad? Any physical or emotional abuse?"
"Not technically, but there is something else." And then Jay launched into all the information you had told him two days ago.
"Okay. And, you know your dad could theoretically press kidnapping charges against you because you took his kid without his permission?"
"I do. But he was basically starving her. No jury would find me guilty."
"I'm not going to argue with you about that one because I agree with you."
"So, do you think I have a chance of getting guardianship over Y/N?"
"In theory, yes. But, most judges like to keep the child with their biological parents. But, seeing as Y/N's fifteen, she does get some say in who she stays with," Stone explained. "When we have a custody or guardianship battle, we use the child's best interest standard. This means that you must prove that you are capable of providing food, clothing, housing, medical care, and a stable home life for Y/N. There will be one or two home visits before appearing before a judge, just to let you know."
"I'm aware of that. And, I just put an offer in on a new apartment with two bedrooms this morning and they're pretty quick in responding, so I should know in the next few days whether or not I got it."
"That's a good start. And you are financially stable to raise her until she turns eighteen, so three more years?"
"I am."
"Alright, let's start on those documents then. Unless you have any more questions for me?"
"I do actually. I, uh, I just found out that I'm technically still married. Something about me not signing the divorce papers even though I specifically remember signing them? And, before you ask, me and this girl served together, we were both twenty-one, going through rough patches and it was a Vegas wedding eight years ago. Lasted no more than twenty-four hours."
"It's really good that you told me this because any good lawyer would find that out when you file for guardianship. It's possible that she didn't co-sign the divorce papers. If that's the reason, I can help you draw up new divorce papers right now."
"Really? You'd help me with that?"
"Of course. A friend of Antonio's is a friend of mine," Stone said as he started typing on his computer. "So, what you can do is you can file for a no-fault divorce."
"You're gonna have to be specific, Stone. I know a bit of criminal law because I've had to testify in criminal cases, but like I said, I don't know family or civil law," Jay said.
"What a no-fault divorce is, Jay, is that you don't have to prove that either of you did anything wrong to get a divorce. All you have to do is state that your marriage is unsalvageable and continue filing for divorce."
"That's it? What if she doesn't sign it?"
"The divorce papers will be served to, uh...what's this girl's name again?" Stone asked.
"Abby."
"Abby. The divorce papers will be served to Abby and she has twenty days to file her response with the court. If she doesn't, then the court rules it as an uncontested divorce and then you're officially divorced."
"Me and Abby are meeting up to talk about all this tonight. But, can we just fill out paperwork for this no-fault divorce just in case things don't go as planned? I just really need to get guardianship of Y/N. The least amount of problems, the better."
"Of course. And if everything goes well with her tonight, then just give me a call and I'll shred the documents."
"Alright, just tell me where to sign."
***
"Wilson is running through the showers wearing nothing but a Kevlar vest, right?" Jay reminisced on the good parts of his Ranger days with Abby at a bar around 8:30 that night after his meeting with Peter Stone.
"Well, the lieutenant said, all outdoor activities to be conducted in body armor." Jay laughed at Abby's rendition of their lieutenant's voice. "Do you remember, he had his girlfriend's name tattooed on his ass?"
Jay set his empty drink down on the bar. "Did he tell you that was his girlfriend? That was his dog's name," Jay laughed.
"That actually makes more sense," Abby said. "I could go for another one of these."
"I, um, I shouldn't."
"Gotta get back to the barracks?"
"No, I uh gotta get back to my little sister, actually. I'm looking after her at the moment. It's a long story. Do you have the papers?"
"I, uh, I don't have them."
"Abby."
"It's just, I never told you. Even that crazy day we got married, I never told you that I loved you, Jay. It didn't feel right. But, I loved you, Jay. I do love you."
Jay sighed. "Abby, you deserve everything good. I'm just not the guy that's gonna give that to you." He brushed her hair to the side and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
After putting some money on the bar to pay for the drinks and tip the bartender, he left the bar. Guess he was going to need these no-fault divorce documents, anyway.
He was almost to his car when he heard someone calling his name. And, it was a voice he knew all too well.
"Erin?" he shouted as she came closer. "What are you doing here?"
"Would it kill you to turn on your phone? You need to get to the district. Now."
"What? Why? What's wrong?"
She got in his passenger seat. "Just drive. I'll explain on the way."
***
You were sitting on Jay's bed reading a book when you heard a knock on the door.
Slowly, you got off his bed and made your way out of his room. You took a knife out of the knife block, but you hoped you wouldn't need to use it. Jay would've told you if someone was planning on stopping over. And, if it was Will, he would've given you a heads-up.
The knocking got louder and more aggressive. "Jayson! Open this door! I have the right to see my daughter!"
Dad.
With the knife still in hand, you backed up and then, once on the carpet, ran back into Jay's room and quietly shut the door and locked it. You pulled out your phone and tried Jay. It went straight to voicemail. The pounding was getting louder. You tried Will. It went straight to voicemail because he was on shift. You thought you heard your dad starting to kick the door now instead of just pounding on it with his fists. You tried the last person you thought could help.
"Y/N?" Erin asked as she answered her phone and paused the tv show she was watching.
"Erin," you whispered. "I'm scared. I need help."
"You need help? Can you tell me why?"
"My dad, he's- he's here. He's looking for me." You heard a crash.
"Jay? Y/N? I know one of you is in here!"
"I- I think he just broke down the apartment door. Please help."
"Okay, okay, here's what you're going to do. I want you to hide somewhere and I'm going to call a patrol car over there right now. You're going to turn your phone on silent and I'm going to call you right back," she told you.
"Okay," you whispered as quietly as you could.
"I'll call you back in one minute tops."
You moved as quietly as you could with the knife and your phone still in your hands and opened Jay's closet door. You buried yourself behind the two garment bags that contained Jay's police blues and his military dress uniform, hoping against hope that your dad wouldn't find you.
Your phone lit up and it was Erin. You answered.
"Y/N, the officers will be there soon. I don't want you to talk. Just know that I'm on the phone with you."
At the same time, as she was talking to you over speakerphone, she was texting the team. She assumed you couldn't reach Jay or Will since you had called her. She told them what was happening and that a few of them needed to get to the district because they needed to find Jay's location. She also told Voight to get ahold of Sharon Goodwin so she could notify Will of what was currently happening.
"Chicago PD! Put your hands where we can see them!" you heard from your hiding place.
"See?" Erin said. "I told you that you'd be okay. I told them that you were hiding, so if someone opens the door, it's just an officer."
Just after she said that the closet door opened.
You squeaked.
"It's okay. You're safe," the officer said. "We're just going to take you down to the district. You're safe."
You peeked out from your hiding place and you saw the blues of the officers. You slowly made your way out and followed the officer out to the patrol car, the one that didn't house your dad for a breaking and entering charge at the moment.
***
"Where is she?" Jay yelled as he entered the district.
Platt just pointed to the bench next to one of the offices where you were sitting, staring at the floor, with a police jacket draped over your shoulders.
He sunk to his knees in front of you. "Are you hurt? Did Dad hurt you? Did he put his hands on you in any way?"
You shook your head.
"Oh thank God."
"I was so scared," you whispered. "When you and Will didn't answer, I thought he was gonna get me."
"I'm sorry. I turned off my phone when I talked to ASA Stone, and I forgot to turn it back on. I'm so sorry. C'mere."
You all but fell off the bench and into Jay's arms. "Is he going to jail? I don't want him going to jail."
"He was drunk out of his mind. I can ask not to press charges, though."
"Please. He needs help."
Although Jay didn't say it, he knew you were right. Jails and prisons didn't rehabilitate, they just taught criminals how to be better criminals. He knew that his dad needed rehab, a twelve-step program, anything.
"Okay, I won't press charges. But, I think we're gonna need to stay with Will for the night because our door's broken. What do you say we run home and grab some clothes to bring to Will's? And, since Dad will be here for a little longer, we can run to his house and get more of your stuff. Sound like a plan?"
"Can we get Dairy Queen on the way to Will's?"
"We sure can."
***
"I- I don't think any of these dresses will fit me anymore. They look way too big," you said to Jay as the two of you unpacked a bunch of your stuff in the guest room of Jay's new apartment. You wanted to think of it as the guest room for now instead of calling it your room just in case Jay wasn't awarded guardianship. You didn't want to get too attached.
Jay sighed. He figured you were right. He would see if Erin could take you, but their relationship was on the backburner right now. And, Erin had some stuff with Bunny she had to work out after she had brought her that pearl bracelet and said that she might be leaving Chicago. So, now wasn't really the right time for him to be bugging Erin about going shopping with you. And, he couldn't ask Kim because she was taking some furlough after finding her sister brutally sodomized after a night out.
He thought about asking Will if Nina could come, but he didn't think that those two were too happy with each other at the moment since Will hadn't told Nina about their dad being in the hospital and she had to find out from Natalie. Not Will's greatest moment.
He racked his brain for more women he knew.
Then it hit him: Gabby.
Yes, they had briefly dated, but that was five years ago. She was married now and his feelings for her were completely gone. They were civil with each other when they saw each other in the field and would chat when Gabby showed up at the district to pick up Eva or Diego.
"How about you try a few on after we finish unpacking, and then if none of them really fit, I can give Gabby a call and see if she'll take you shopping while I work on unpacking the rest of the house," Jay suggested.
"Okay. Will's gonna be over after his shift to help though, right?" you asked.
"He better be. He said he would. If he doesn't come, he better have a really good excuse."
"You can't unpack the kitchen without me," you told him.
"Why not?"
"I can't have you putting the glasses and other stuff on high shelves because I wanna reach them without having to climb on the counter."
"Okay, fine. I'll keep your short little height in mind while I unpack." He paused. "Do you want to get those fancy word stickers for your room for one of the walls?"
"Decals? And, it's not my room yet."
"Listen, after that stunt Dad pulled at my old apartment, Stone is 99.9% positive that I'll be granted guardianship. We just have to jump through all the hoops first."
"Like the home checks?"
"Like the home checks," he confirmed.
"What do I say in court?" you asked a few minutes later as you were putting the pillows on your freshly made bed.
"You just tell the truth," he answered.
"Will you be in there with me?"
"No, I won't. Stone said that usually in these cases you talk to the judge by yourself so that you can't be intimidated by either of the people who are fighting for custody or guardianship."
"So you won't be there? Will won't be there?"
"Will will be out in the hall and I will be in a different room. I'll be in like a witness room, where they make witnesses of a crime wait so that their testimony isn't swayed by what the other people are saying on the stand. But, me and Dad will be in the courtroom at the same time, just so I can see what he'll be saying."
"And, I'll be in there then, too?"
"Yes."
"What kind of questions do they ask me?"
"Stone said that since you're older, you get a say in who you stay with, so they'll ask you questions like who've you known the longest, who you feel safest with, who you want to live with, etc."
"Will they ask me questions about Dad? Like how he didn't give me food and how he broke into your apartment?" you asked.
"They will," Jay confirmed. "But, Stone will be in there for those questions just in case he needs to object to something."
"So the only time I'll be alone with the judge is when they're asking me the first few questions? Like who I feel safest with?"
"Exactly. Now, do you need help putting these books on the top shelf of your bookshelf?"
***
"Hey, how was your day?" Jay asked as he came home from work that afternoon. It was a shock that he was home by 5 pm, but you had a big day tomorrow. Not only was tomorrow Friday, it was the day you and Jay had to go to court to see if he would be awarded guardianship of you.
"We've got a problem," you stated.
"Um, I can try to help you with it, but let me go put my gun away first."
While he was doing that, you pulled out the slip of paper and the note that Gretchen Cunningham had written, saying that she wouldn't allow you to make up the test you would be missing because you had to go to court.
"Alright, what's the problem?" Jay asked as he walked into the kitchen.
"Cunningham. She's the problem...as always."
You handed him the papers and he read them over. "Yeah, this isn't going to fly. She doesn't need a judge's signature to allow you to take the test. I'll talk to the school tomorrow morning when I call to tell them you'll be absent."
"I hate her," you groaned. "She's so mean. And, I know what you're gonna say. You have to deal with people you don't like. But, she lost one of my assignments and told me I didn't turn it in and couldn't re-do it!"
"Well did you?" Jay asked. "Turn it in, I mean."
"Jay!"
He put his hands up in a sign of surrender. "I'm just saying, could be your fault."
"Yes, I turned in the stupid assignment. And, she paired me up with the stupidest kid in the class and told me to do well on this assignment because he needed a good grade to pass. It's not my fault he's failing! Don't put his grade on me, lady!"
"And she wouldn't let you re-do it?"
"Nope. But it's fine. I'm still getting an A. That might change if she doesn't let me take this test, though."
"It's like deja-vu from my freshman year all over again. Why doesn't she retire already? She's like 100."
"Or they could fire her," you quipped. "Or I could switch classes."
"I'll see what I can do. Who's the other history teacher?"
"Um, Miss Hedge."
"Hedge? As in Jayne Hedge?"
"Yeah, it's actually her. Why? Do you know her?"
"Yes he does," Will said as he entered Jay's apartment. "In fact, they went to freshman snowcoming together."
"How did you even get in here?" Jay asked, turning around to look at his older brother.
"For a cop, you're not that smart. You didn't lock the door behind you."
"I don't lock my door when I'm still awake. And, seriously? You just had to tell Y/N that, didn't you?"
"You guys can't just leave me hanging now. Tell me the story!"
"Fine," Jay grumbled and Will just laughed and sat down at the table, too. "I met her at school, obviously. She was on the freshman basketball team and I had winter weight training for the soccer team. I thought she was pretty and she was really smart, too. And, I knew that a bunch of the girls went to get Taco Bell after practice, so me and some of my friends decided to go, too."
"There used to be a Taco Bell close to school?" you asked. If there was, you'd never seen it before.
"It got torn down just after I graduated," Jay answered. "Anyway, we went to Taco Bell and I started talking to her and we talked a lot after practice. I'd walk her home sometimes. Then, I asked her to snowcoming and she said yes."
"So, why'd you guys break up? I know you dated Allie in high school."
"We realized we were better off as friends." Jay shrugged.
"And he realized he liked Allie more," Will added.
"Yeah, that too."
Will set a big bag of takeout on the table.
"Seriously?" Jay asked. "I thought we weren't going to do this that much anymore so we can get Y/N's vitamin and mineral levels stabilized."
"I'm sure she'd appreciate the break from your mundane meals," Will said. "And, I got us all side salads to go with the burgers instead of fries, so calm down." Jay gave him a look. "Fine, I got the side salads along with the fries. But, they're made out of potatoes, so they're technically a vegetable."
"For a doctor, you don't know much about nutrition, do you? And, my meals are not mundane."
"Dude, you'd have chicken, spaghetti, or grilled cheese every night."
"Not every night, just a lot of nights when I'd get home from the district late. I'll have you know me and Y/N have been making really good diners lately. Wanna tell Will what we made last night for dinner, Short Stack?"
"We made this really good pasta. We used Orzo, which looks like rice, but it's pasta. And we made a sauce out of tomatoes, onions, and orange juice. It was supposed to be lemon juice, but Jay didn't have any. We put chicken sausage in it for protein...and spices of course," you told Will.
"That actually sounds really good. Wow, Jay cooking every night, not something I expected."
"I like it," you said. "And, he lets me play whatever music I want when we cook."
Will rolled his eyes. You had Jay so wrapped around your finger that he'd do almost anything for you. Will didn't think he himself was that bad, but deep down, he knew he'd do anything for you, too...despite not being in Chicago as long as Jay had been.
***
"So I got a call from Stone this morning," Jay said around 11:30 that night when he and Will were sitting on the couch, each nursing a beer.
Will set his beer down on the coffee table in front of him. "And?"
"And, as of yesterday at midnight, I am officially divorced from Abby. Turns out, they served her the papers and, since she didn't sign them and it had been twenty days, it turned into an uncontested, no-fault divorce."
"Congrats, man. Might've been eight years too late, but you're a free man now."
"Amen to that. And it came at just the right time."
"Yeah," Will agreed. "You nervous for tomorrow?"
"Not really. More nervous for Y/N than anything. I've testified in criminal cases, so I kinda know how this goes, but she hasn't. And, before me and Dad go in to plead our cases, she has to talk to the judge all by herself. I just wish one of us could be in there with her."
Will nodded. "Know what they're going to ask you?"
"I know what Stone's going to ask me because we prepped, but I have no idea what Dad's lawyer is going to ask me. Pretty sure he's got just a public defender, though. Hopefully, that works in my favor."
"Not always, man," Will disagreed. "The public defenders who do these cases only do these cases. They've had a lot of practice."
"You really know how to make me feel better, thanks," Jay replied sarcastically.
"Rather have you hear it from me before the case than someone else after. Are you going to get cross-examined?"
"Probably. Don't know what they're going to ask me though because it's a cross. Stone set up some sample questions for me to answer with him to practice, but I'm going in blind. I'm used to it though because I've testified before. But, this feels like my biggest case."
"Because it probably is."
"Are you talking about tomorrow?" you asked as you quietly padded across the floor towards the living room.
"Y/N? What are you doing up? It's almost midnight," Jay pointed out.
"I- I know. But I couldn't sleep. I'm scared. What if I have to go back to Dad's? What if they find neither of you fit and I have to go into foster care?"
Jay patted the empty spot on the couch next to him and you sat down. "We just have to trust the system. That's all we can do."
"I know, but I can't sleep. And I'm so tired."
"I have an idea," Jay started and stood up, "stay here."
"I'm gonna go look for some melatonin," Will said after a few minutes of you two just sitting in silence. "I think Jay still has some for nights that he can't sleep."
Will was still rummaging around Jay's cabinets when Jay came back with a big black box with some cords and a cardboard box balanced against his hip.
"The hell is that?" You quickly covered your mouth when you realized you had sworn. "Sorry."
"It's okay. And, to answer your question, this is VCR. And, I have a bunch of videotapes in this box." He turned from you to face the kitchen, where Will was still opening and closing cabinets. "Will? What are you doing?"
"Looking for melatonin for Y/N. You got any?"
"First of all, it's so late that if you give it to her now, she'll sleep through her alarm and we can't be late for court tomorrow. And, second of all, I keep it in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom."
Will closed the cabinet and made his way back to the couch to sit next to you as Jay started to hook up the VCR to the tv. "Uh, Jay," Will began, "you know it's a little late for a movie right? And, I should get going in like half an hour?"
"We're not watching a movie. I recorded a bunch of the Blackhawks playoff games on one of these and I thought Y/N'd like to watch the 2010 Stanely Cup final series against the Flyers. Or, we could watch the final series against the Bruins when they won the cup last year."
"Let's watch the 2010 one," you said. "I don't think I watched it because I wasn't into watching hockey as much as I am now."
"And you have Jay to thank for that," Will pointed out.
"You can record things on there? Like an old-school DVR?" you asked.
"God, now I feel old," Will groaned. "Wait until she learns about floppy disks."
"Floppy what now?"
"Nevermind. Only 80s-90s kids would get it."
"We get it. You guys are millennials."
"Got it!" Jay exclaimed as he popped the videotape into the VCR and it started playing. "Now, shut up so we can relive this, Will."
You fell asleep before you even reached the end of the first period.
***
You rubbed your eyes and then looked around you to notice that you were still on the couch. You craned your neck to see the time on the oven on the other side of the open concept kitchen and living room and saw that it was 5:45 am. Jay was at the gym now. And, you knew you wouldn't be able to fall back asleep because you were already starting to worry about the rest of the day. You had to be in court at 8:30 and had to be talking to a judge at 9:00, the judge that would determine who you would be living with, which would inevitably determine your future.
God, you were thinking just like the teachers talked about the SATs, how if you didn't get a good grade on that standardized test that your future would be ruined.
You stood up and stretched and then went back to your room to grab the book you were currently reading. Then, you turned on a few lamps and grabbed a yogurt and fruit from the fridge, along with a glass of orange juice. After wrapping yourself in a blanket, you started to eat and read, hoping that that would keep your mind from wandering and worrying at least until Jay got back from the gym.
Half an hour later, Jay unlocked the apartment door and walked inside, confused as to why you were awake. It was only 6:15 and he had told you just to be up by 6:45.
"What are you doing awake, Short Stack?" he asked as he grabbed a banana from the bowl on the counter.
"I woke up at about 5:45 and I couldn't fall asleep. I'm sorry."
"Nothing to worry about. I just want you as well-rested for today as possible. You have your dress all ready? Know what shoes you're going to wear?"
"Jay," you whined. "I picked all of that out last night because you told me to."
"Just didn't want you to have to rush. I can turn the game back on for you so you can watch it until you have to start getting ready?"
You nodded and Jay came over and fiddled with the tv and the remote, going back to the middle of the first period where he thought you had fallen asleep.
"Okay, I'm gonna take a shower. Will said he'll be here around 7:45. Oh, and you can take that history test when you get back on Monday, in Miss Hedge's class."
You smiled. "Okay." Then, you turned your attention back to the hockey game.
***
You widened your eyes as you stood in the second bathroom getting ready. You had gotten dressed (into a navy blue, lacey dress that ended just above the knee that you had bought with Gabby a few days ago), washed your face, brushed your teeth, did your makeup, but now you were cursing yourself for being so stupid. You had no way of doing your hair. You didn't have a straightener here. And, your typical ponytail or bun wasn't going to cut it for court.
"Jay!" you yelled as you exited the bathroom and knocked on his bedroom door.
He opened it as he was tying his tie. "Yeah? Everything okay?"
"I don't have a straightener! I can't do my hair and if I wear my hair like I usually do then it will look bad on you and--"
"Hey, hey, calm down. We've still got over 45 minutes before we have to leave. I'll give Gabby a call and see if she's not on shift and can let you borrow hers."
You sighed the biggest sigh of relief. "Thank you."
Five minutes later, Jay knocked on the bathroom door as you were brushing your hair. "Gabby will be here in ten."
"Oh thank God."
***
"Thank you!" you exclaimed ten minutes later as you opened the door, revealing Gabby with her hair straightener. And, behind her, was Casey.
"No problem. Just tell me if you're not used to it and need help."
You took it from her. "No, I should be good. Thanks, though. C'mon in. I'm pretty sure Jay's around here somewhere."
They came into the apartment while you ran off to find Jay.
You knocked on his bedroom once more and he opened it, this time completely ready for the day. "Gabby and Casey are here," you told him.
"Casey's here?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Yeah. I think he just came with Gabby."
"Okay. Go fix your hair. I'll go talk to them."
Twenty minutes later, you were finished and slipping your shoes on when you heard a knock on the apartment door. "I got it, Y/N!" Jay yelled.
Well, I hoped you would because you're closer to the door than me, you thought to yourself.
Jay opened the door, and since it was exactly 7:45, he was expecting to just see Will. But, what he saw both shocked him and made him want to cry from appreciation at the same time.
Standing next to Will was Natalie and behind them was all of Intelligence and Trudy Platt and Mouch, all of Squad 3 and Truck 81 (minus Casey because he was inside), Sylvie Brett, Chief Boden, April, Maggie, Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Charles, Reese, and Noah.
"You're all here for the court case?" Jay asked, stunned.
"Well, Natalie has to testify about Y/N's deficiencies and weight loss, but yeah. It's better if the court sees that the person trying to get guardianship has a ton of support. So, I figured I'd call in reinforcements...even though I'm pretty sure my big personality is enough."
Jay rolled his eyes. "Your big ego maybe." He paused, not knowing how he was going to fit everyone in his apartment even if it was bigger than his last one. "However many of you guys can fit inside, can come in. Um, some of you might just need to meet us at the courthouse--"
"Jay, they just came now so you could see how many people were behind you. They're just gonna meet you there. Except for me. I'm driving you two." Jay furrowed his eyebrows. They didn't talk about this. "I'll explain later."
"Gabby," you said as you walked out of the bathroom. "Can you--" you stopped as you saw everyone outside Jay's apartment.
"They're all here for you and Jay," Gabby explained as she stood up. "And, you can't cry because it'll smear your makeup, so hold back the tears."
You nodded as you held them back. "Can you, uh, check the back of my hair to make sure I got it all straight?" you asked.
"Two spots are still a bit wavy. Let's go fix it so you can get going."
A few minutes later, Gabby had fixed your hair and everyone besides Will and Jay had left and were on their way to the courthouse. You slipped on a pair of black ballet flats and your coat.
Will had explained that the reason he was driving was that if Jay didn't get guardianship, he didn't want him driving in such a distressed state. Will had worked on so many patients who were in car accidents due to their emotional state and he didn't want Jay to be one of them.
"Ready?" Jay asked you.
"As ready as I'll ever be," you said as you wiped your sweaty palms on your dress.
"All you have to do is tell the truth."
***
You thought you'd be comfortable inside a courtroom because of the crime dramas you'd seen. But, standing inside one was very different from watching a fictional tv show.
No one but you, the judge, the court reporter, Peter Stone, and your dad's lawyer could be in the room for this next part, so everyone was either in a witness room or waiting outside in the hallway for the go-ahead to be let in. You would be allowed to be in the courtroom while they were talking to Jay and your dad, but they wouldn't be able to be in the room when you talked to the judge...for obvious reasons, such as influencing what you would say.
"All rise."
You stood up next to Stone as the judge, who you now knew as Judge Callahan, entered the room.
Once you sat down, you were called to the stand. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?" you were asked as you placed your hand on the Bible.
"I do," you answered.
"Alright, please allow Miss Halstead on the witness stand," Judge Callahan said. "Now, I'm just going to ask you a few questions. All you have to do is answer them. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I understand."
"Okay, first question: Has your father, Pat Halstead, ever hit you or physically abused you in any way?"
"No," you answered.
"Has he ever neglected to give you necessities, such as food, water, clothing, or shelter?"
"Yes."
"Can you please elaborate?"
You did. You explained how your dad never had food in the house and would yell at you and call you a burden if you tried to eat his leftovers.
"Is it true that your father tried to break into your brother's house to get you?" Judge Callahan asked.
"Yes."
"Who do you feel safest with?"
"My brother, Jay Halstead."
"Who would you prefer to live with?"
"Jay Halstead."
***
Jay sat on the witness stand. He had answered all of Stone's questions, including all of the questions about him finding you stealing, what you had been using for pads, and what he had been told that you had been eating at your dad's house. Natalie had testified about your physical well-being, weight loss, and iron and riboflavin deficiencies. But now, it was time for Jay's cross-examination. And, he sure as hell didn't expect this next question to be asked.
"Mr. Halstead," your dad's lawyer began, "you previously said, and I quote, that your dad clocked out on parenting you and your older brother, Will, when you were in your teens, around when you started high school. Can you elaborate on that?"
"Objection!" Stone yelled. "Relevance?"
"Speaks to a pattern."
"I'll allow it," Judge Callahan said. "Please answer the question, Mr. Halstead."
Jay nodded. "He clocked out on parenting me and Will because he said that were essentially grown men at this point in our lives, we didn't need him cheering us on or him helping us. He didn't come to a single one of my soccer games in high school. And, if by some miracle we went out for ice cream or something just me, my brother, and my dad, he wouldn't pay for ours. Said we were old enough to pay for ourselves.
"But, we had our mom. She came to all our games and school events. She made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If she wasn't there, I don't know what would've happened to me and Will. My dad didn't even want me to go into the military and didn't want Will to go to medical school. He said a real man went right to work. The only time I felt loved by him in all my teenage years was when I left for the military. It was like because he knew I might die over there that he figured he'd say he loved me one last time."
"Redirect, your honor," Stone said. Judge Callahan nodded at Stone. "You said that your mom made you and your brother lunch. Are you doing that for Y/N?"
"Objection! Relevance?"
"Speaks to Mr. Halstead's abilities as a parent."
"I'll allow it. Please answer the question."
"I actually do," Jay answered. "I make her a packed lunch to bring to school every day and I'm sure to add foods high in iron and riboflavin to help those levels stabilize quicker. The first time I packed her a lunch, she actually cried because she hadn't gotten a lunch from home in so long."
"Thank you."
"Mr. Halstead," your dad's lawyer started, "you were previously deployed overseas in Afghanistan for two tours of duty. While I thank you for your service, is it possible that you could have PTSD and hurt Y/N in the middle of the night?"
"I would never hurt her!"
"While you are fully conscious, maybe. But, while you are in a sleep-addled state, isn't it possible that you might think that the person waking you up is an enemy soldier and not your little sister?"
Jay sighed. No one knew this about him, not you, not Will, not his dad. No one. And now all of his family and closest friends were going to know since they were in the courtroom watching this entire thing unfold.
"I am on Prazosin for nightmares caused by my PTSD," Jay answered.
"And how long have you been on this medication?"
"For about two years."
"And this has helped you manage your nightmares?"
"Yes, very much so."
"No further questions."
***
"Jesus, Jay," Will said after you had watched your dad's testimony on why he should get to keep you. It was the usual: how he was your father, so, therefore, he deserved to keep taking care of you and it's what your mother would've wanted...despite her telling Jay to keep you safe before she died. They already had the responding officers testify about the break-in, so he couldn't deny that and he was under oath, so if anyone found out he lied, then your dad would be held in contempt.
"I'm sorry I never told you, man," Jay said. "I just, I thought of it as weak that I couldn't deal with my own shit." He grimaced when he realized he had sworn around you. "Sorry, Y/N."
"It's okay. I hear that stuff at school."
"I'm just upset you didn't tell me they were getting that bad, Jay," Will lamented. "I know I wasn't there for you a lot after Mom died, but I'm here now."
Jay nodded, and Will knew he didn't want to talk about the topic anymore. You looked through the little window into the courtroom and saw that the judge was coming back from her chambers.
"Guys, I think she's made a decision," you said nervously.
"Whatever happens, me and Jay will be there for you," Will promised.
All you could do at this point was nod, as a lump was forming in your throat from all your nerves.
Jay led you back into the courtroom and you sat at the front, between Jay and Will. You wiped your sweaty palms on your dress and Jay gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
Judge Callahan stood up.
"By using the child's best interest standard of who can provide food, clothing, housing, education, medical care, and a stable home life for Y/N Halstead, I declare Mr. Jay Halstead the legal guardian of Y/N Halstead."
You could've sworn that you stopped breathing the second she said Jay's first name. You were so overwhelmed that you just turned to him and started crying as he wrapped an arm around you while he listened to the judge state your dad's visitation rights.
But, you didn't hear any of that. The only phrase that kept repeating in your head was I declare Mr. Jay Halstead the legal guardian of Y/N Halstead over and over again.
Now, you knew that you'd always have the necessities when you lived with Jay. You wouldn't have to worry about where your next meal was going to come from or if your dad would be out until 3 am drinking. You wouldn't have to worry about having access to tampons or pads and not be embarrassed anymore to ask for some from school if you forgot to put any in your backpack that day. But most of all, you knew that you would be loved and cared for.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Did I make anyone cry with this one??? The blood draw scenario was actually based on when I had to go and get my blood drawn the other day and thought I was going to pass out, which is why that scene was so long. Anyway, thank you again for reading, and please reblog/like and comment and tell me what you think! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!
taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e
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Note
I would love to see Harry jealous because his wife give a man ( Kindergarten teacher ) a compliment that he deals really well with Stevie.
this got kind of long oops, hope you like it :)
it's kind of cute
warnings: none
word count: 2k
“Time to go, Stevie!��� You called, adjusting your coat in the mirror by the door. “Come get your shoes!”
You heard her feet pattering on the hall floor before Harry yelled, jumping out at her and scooping her up. She screamed in delight, laughing as he hoisted her onto his shoulders.
“Look at me!” She yelled, holding her arms out to her sides. “I’m so tall!”
“You are,” you laughed. “Is my tall girl ready to go?”
“I think our tall girl needs some shoes first,” Harry said, lifting her down. “The pink ones or the yellow ones?”
She thought intently before picking up the yellow shoes. She beamed when she got them on the right feet on the first try.
“Good job!” Harry said, reaching down to high-five her. Shoes were a tricky thing to learn. There had been a lot of struggling, but she was finally getting the hang of it.
She smiled, jumping up from the floor. Harry held her coat, helping her slip her arms into the sleeves.
“Let’s go! Come on, mom,” She said, bouncing on her feet. “Go faster!”
“Yeah, mum, hurry up,” Harry said jokingly. You shot him a look, opening the door so Stevie could run to the car.
Harry put his arm around your shoulders as you walked towards the car.
“She’s getting so big,” he commented. “Why can’t she just stay our little baby?”
“Very unfortunate,” you sighed. You made sure Stevie was settled before getting in and buckling your own seatbelt. Harry got in the driver’s seat, starting the car.
“I’m in the mood for some Moana,” he said, handing you his phone before he pulled out of the driveway. “What do you think, Stevie?”
“Moana!” She yelled, eyes lighting up.
You shared a smile with Harry as she began belting out the lyrics.
“I wonder where she got her singing voice?”
“No idea,” he laughed.
-----
He pulled into the school parking lot, stopping the music to grandly announce, “We’re here!”
Stevie gasped in excitement, already fidgeting with her seatbelt. Harry opened her door for her, holding her hand so she could jump down. You took her other hand, swinging her arms between you as you walked toward the school.
“Alright, Stevie, where are we going?” You asked, even though you knew where her classroom was.
“Yeah, we don’t know where it is, you have to help us!” Harry said excitedly. “Lead the way, princess!”
Stevie let go of your hands as she marched down the hall.
“Look at her, so grown up,” he said sadly, taking your now empty hand in his.
“I know, she’s practically an adult. Oh, she’s going to be in middle school soon, and then high school, and then college, and then she’ll be gone,” you said, getting emotional already.
“Wait, wait, we can’t get ahead of ourselves yet, this is a kindergarten parent-teacher conference, we have a few years.”
“Right, you’re right,” you smiled.
“Here it is!” Stevie announced, pointing at the door, which was decorated to look like a box of crayons.
“Oh, how cute!” You said, noting that each crayon was labeled with a student’s name. “Stevie, you’re the yellow one! It matches your shoes!”
“I know!” She said excitedly. “That’s why I wore them!”
“Very smart, Stevie. Very fashionable,” Harry said, ruffling her hair.
He opened the door, allowed both of you to walk in ahead of him.
“Hello! Hi Stevie, it’s good to see you!” Her teacher said, waving you over to his desk.
“Hi Mr. Jeffery!” She said, running over to him. “Is it here?”
“Of course it is! It’s right over there on the drying rack, if you want to show your mom and dad,” he said, pointing across the room.
She ran in the direction he pointed. When she came back, she was carrying a painting of a butterfly.
“Did you make that?” Harry asked, crouching down to inspect her artwork. “Wow, this is amazing, love! We’ll put this on the fridge so everyone can see it,” he promised, smiling.
“Yes, Stevie loves our art projects, don’t you?” Mr. Jeffery asked, smiling when she nodded enthusiastically.
“I have to talk to your mom and dad for a few minutes, Stevie. What would you like to do while we talk?”
“Color!” She said, shoving the butterfly painting into Harry’s arms.
“Alright, do you remember where the crayons are?”
“Yes I do!” She ran over to the art section, busying herself immediately.
“Yes, she’s very into art,” You said, smiling as you and Harry settled into the chairs behind Mr. Jeffery’s desk.
“I’ve noticed! She’s taken a particular interest in painting. Does she do a lot of that at home?”
“Oh, yes,” Harry laughed. “Y/N isn’t so happy with that, though, she’s ruined quite a few shirts.”
“We try to steer her towards more... dry activities,” you said, smiling.
“Well, that’s understandable,” Mr. Jeffery laughed, clicking around on his computer. “So, today I just want to talk about her progress. As you probably know, she does extremely well in several areas. She can do some sight reading, which is not something we see very often at this age. She is also doing very well with her numbers, colors, and shapes.”
Harry beamed as Mr. Jeffery laid out how well Stevie was doing. Of course, he already knew she was the most amazing child in the world, but it was nice to have outside validation.
“That’s great, we tried to expose her to as much reading as we could, we really wanted her to be prepared,” you said.
“You did an excellent job,” he smiled, looking at you.
Harry didn’t like this, even though he knew it was this man’s job to reassure and praise parents. He just didn’t like the way he looked at you. He was smiling a little too much.
“Yes, we did,” Harry said, leaning a little closer to you. He looked at the teacher with a face that was just a little less than friendly.
Mr. Jeffery cleared his throat, turning back to his computer.
“As for her social skills, she is also doing very well there. Aside from the normal kindergarten spats, she has no issues getting along with the other children. She communicates very well with the other teachers and myself. We really don’t have any problems,” he smiled again, this time making sure not to look at you for too long.
“Looks like we did a good job,” you beamed, nudging Harry. His intimidating face dropped and he smiled as he took your hand.
“Look at us go,” he said, looking across the room to where Stevie was still coloring.
“You’re very good with her,” you said, following his gaze. “I know she can be a handful sometimes,” you laughed, turning slightly to Mr. Jeffery.
Harry’s jaw tightened when he saw your face. He knew you were smiling from looking at Stevie, but he still didn’t like how happy Mr. Jeffery looked. He squeezed your hand a little tighter, causing you to shoot him a confused look. He kept his eyes fixed on Stevie, willing himself to stay calm. Y/N hasn’t done anything wrong, he reminded himself.
“No, she’s usually very well behaved,” he said, flipping through his notes. “Again, we’ve had very few problems.”
“I’m glad to hear,” you said, running your other hand up and down Harry’s forearm.
“Well, that’s all I have for you today, unless you have any other questions?” He asked, looking you and Harry. You looked at him, both shaking your heads at the same time.
“I think we’re good,” you said, turning back to him with a smile.
“Alright, well it was good to see you today,” Mr. Jeffery said, standing to shake hands with you. Harry watched intently, not blinking until the man pulled away from you. When he reached for him, Harry made sure to squeeze a little tighter than necessary. Not too hard. Just enough to make him nervous.
“If you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me,” he said, smiling tightly.
“Yes, we’ll do that,” Harry said, not breaking eye contact. Finally, Mr. Jeffery stepped away to get Stevie. Harry moved his arm to rest over your shoulders again, smiling at Stevie when she skipped over.
“Did you make us a pretty drawing?” He asked, removing his arm to bend down. “Absolutely gorgeous,” he beamed. “Another one for the fridge, I think!”
Stevie giggled, taking your hand as she turned to wave at her teacher.
“Bye Mr. Jeffery! See you later,” she said, completely unaware of how tense Harry was behind her.
Harry placed his hand on your back, shepherding you both out of the room. Once the door was closed, you stepped away to look at him.
“Are you alright?” You asked, concerned at how tight his face was. “You’re not acting like yourself.”
Harry shook his head, flicking his eyes towards Stevie, trying to communicate not now.
You frowned, but silently agreed, taking his hand as you walked down the hall.
Harry was quiet the entire ride home. He didn’t sing along to the Disney music, even when Stevie yelled out “everybody!” before the big chorus. This was concerning. He usually sang even when Stevie didn’t want him to, and he could normally never resist her cheering him on. Something was definitely wrong, but you could tell he didn’t want to talk about it right now.
It couldn’t be that bad, though, because he was still holding your hand like he had been since you left Mr. Jeffery’s room. He had only let go of you when you had to get in the car.
Once you got home, Stevie ran off to her room, yelling something about “a tea party with Mr. Snuffles!”
“Harry?” You asked gently, approaching your husband. His back was facing you and his hands were braced against the counter. “Harry, really, what happened? Did I do something?”
“No,” he turned around quickly. “No, I’m sorry,” he said, reaching for you. You wrapped your arms around him, listening to his deep breathing as he held you.
“Ok, then what’s the problem? You looked so mad when we were talking to Mr. Jeffery,” you said. “What?” You asked again when felt him tense up at your words.
“Nothing, it’s just- it’s stupid,” he said, shaking his head.
“Harry, nothing that upsets you this much is stupid.”
“It’s just- ugh,” he groaned, dropping his head to rest in the crook of your neck. “I just hated how he looked at you.”
“You- what?” You said, pulling back. He looked at you, embarrassed.
“I told you it’s stupid,” he said, blushing. “I just didn’t like how you were talking to him, saying how good he was with Stevie, and how happy he looked. I don’t know, it’s dumb,” he mumbled, looking at the floor.
“Hey, come on,” you said, taking his hands in yours. “I don’t think it’s dumb.”
“No?” He asked, looking at you again.
“No, it’s not,” you said, smiling. “It’s kind of cute.”
“It’s not cute,” he said grumpily. “I feel like a child.”
“You’re not a child,” you promised, standing on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Maybe a little immature, but-“
“You’re so mean!” He exclaimed, laughing. “I’m so nice to you, and you repay me how? By hurting my feelings.”
“I’m sorry,” you smiled, kissing his cheek again.
“I’ll forgive you,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “But only if you give me a kiss.”
“I think that can be arranged.”
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life-rewritten · 3 years
Text
TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE SCARS VS FALSE MASKS
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I'm actually surprised I have a new Korean drama to fall for before the end of the year. After testing out what's available, True Beauty feels like the one for me. I was going to watch it regardless of if it made me analyse because it's directed by Extraordinary You PD. I love how he shows the plot of his shows, his romances are always soft yet angsty, and they make you feel so many emotions whilst laughing and smiling and perhaps swooning over certain second leads and protagonists. After Start-Up I swore of love triangles, and yet True Beauty comes with just that, yet I'm having so much fun watching this show for the past 3 weeks, and it's been a ride. It's precisely what the title says it's focused on True Beauty. The actual meaning of beauty and perspectives on what is truly beautiful and what's not, the psychological trauma of being someone perceived as not socially pleasing to the world, and being forced to hide to survive the harsh environment. It's an emotional look into another teenage drama, full of angst, romance, self-love, and self-acceptance. I'm enjoying it a lot, and my heart has been tugged at each episode, so I'm not saying True Beauty is my full focus, but I have spoken about it here, and from episode 5 and 6, I somehow have a lot to say.  So let's get into it
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True Scars vs False Masks
True Beauty episode 5 and 6 focus on the effect of PTSD and trauma symptoms which each of our main characters have to go through. Apart from Seojun, who has his own frustrations and pains connected to the overarching plot, but not as pronounced as these three.
Kyung, Suho and Soojin are triggered by certain parts of their memories, making them afraid, broken down, and self-hating. The first thing to mention when focusing on Kyung's ideology of true beauty. Kyung may think that being seen as beautiful is the only way to make her self survive her own past traumas, but the two perceived beautiful people who are praised and known for having everything by their peers,  are just as scared, suffering and hurt by the world as she is. All by the cruelty and insensitiveness of different people in their lives.
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Ju Kyung: The mask of Beauty
Kyung is forced to relieve yet again her trauma as a bully victim when she bumps into the girl. The very bully that caused her to finally break down and wear her mask for protection. One thing to notice in episode 5/6  as she takes care of Seojuns sister; she realised that wearing a mask isn't the right way to live comfortably and she questions why she can't have the same confidence and inspiration in her self to be brave.  Which is what people would quickly want to say about her situation, just love your self, only trust your self, just be your self. Still, as we've seen from the past episodes, the reason is that when her mask is uncovered, and she's her true self, her past comes to find her and the people who cruelly lowered her down to nothing before their eyes, who proceeded to hurt and abuse her because of how she looks. The girl who likes to emotionally have control over Kyung's self-esteem like a leash she can't escape from,  people like her that can't stand to see Kyung be happy with her skin,  is why it's even more painful when Suho tells her that he's doing all he does for her as pity it's heart-breaking. It makes her feel even more inferior because she's being a burden to the guy, she's come to have feelings for, and it's still because of her looks in a way. Because he's the first person who knows her real face under her mask of makeup.
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It’s not just the bullies that do this to her, that make her feel so ashamed and guilty for wanting to just be her self. People who she’s close to, her ex best friend betrayed her because of this issue, (to avoid being bullied) and her mother is harsh and cruel beyond words, always breaking her self esteem, ignoring her child’s plight when she could actually be of help to her, and mocking her every time just cause she isn’t smart. Her mother proceeds to not understand the real trauma in her daughter’s life, not even knowing or taking it seriously that there was a time where Kyung almost gave up everything and took her life, just because of how exhausted she was by what society was making her think about her true self. 
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When Suho said that I was so agitated and disappointed. When cruel and forced to wear his own mask of coldness, Suho can be harsh and ruthless. However, it still felt problematic to me because he knows how sensitive Kyung is about her looks, how much she suffered because of it, he's the one who saw her almost choose to take her own life because of it and he's also seen her try desperate attempts to avoid it. To cruelly say it's because of pity that he's been doing all he did by her side and she's being a bother; it's upsetting and just annoying. I'm annoyed that he still refuses to communicate with her properly about it, tell her it's not because of pity and she's not a problem.
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To come to her house/ accept her mother's invitation and act like he's not told her she's a burden is just upsetting and it's exhausting because she doesn't want to keep on feeling like she owes him because he's hiding her secret about her looks. It's also sad because you realise that it must have broken her heart more because when she felt she had someone on her team who saw her without her mask and chose to be there for her, help her and understand her, this same person threw her away saying she was a weight to him. When she finally felt she was able to be herself and like her self without her mask, she deserved to be free without making up, especially his last words to her before he switched himself off, was that she was beautiful without makeup. That one quote, that one stance, and one act of support for her meant everything. Yet her one source of defence and her foundation to bounce back from her worries and fears rejected her and told her she wasn't important; her presence was upsetting him.
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Again Kyung is forced to think that what she needs to do to survive is to be beautiful to wear her mask; it's the only way she will be accepted. That's what Suho harsh words did to her, and despite that, she still ran to him to be his defence and protection. They both do the same thing for each other; if you notice Suho protects her always when she's at her worst broken down and without her mask of beauty. Suho is protected by her finding him and literally shielding him with her warmth and comfort letting him know he's not alone and he's understood.
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Suho: The mask of Coldness
Before I focus on their dynamic though back to masks and scars. The reason why Kyung runs to Suho is where the plot for his PTSD symptoms comes in. Suho without the act is also broken, guilty and tired of people refusing to listen to him. His issue is that whilst people see his richness and privileges as a positive for him, they're his source of guilt and pain. His mask is to push people off and not expect or trust things with people, because of this he's seen as the guy who's unreachable in a good way, attractive and has it all and everyone wants his attention and needs to beg for it. His mask works for him, so he doesn't seem vulnerable, and he doesn't let people easily break him.
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But we know he's exceptionally vulnerable because of the guilt of Seyeon having symptoms of PTSD, panic attacks, broken and self-hating. The cruelness of the world isn't attacking him like Kyung, but it's using him as a tool to hurt others well that's what he believes anyway. His dad is powerful and intense and leads to people feeling broken as Seyeon, and they take drastic measures to end it. The school praises him and lets him get away with stuff if he gets in a scuffle but they hurt others more harshly just by looking at their background and status, they did this to Seojun when they got in a fight in episode 4.
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No matter what happened, Suho has never been able to get away from the price that came with his reputation and status. It cost him so much at the end it made him lose his closest friend, and it made him lose himself to the guilt of not being able to be the person everyone wanted him to be for not being able to reach that 'divine'' Suho reputation people give him.
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For him, being with him hurts people, and so he pushes Kyung away harshly and wears a mask of coldness and harshness to prevent people wanting or expecting things from him and to make sure he wallows in his guilt alone. Without his mask, Suho is just a boy lost, frightened and traumatised. He's broken by what's happened, and with Kyung not only does she help him, but she also does when they first meet.
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 She unintentionally provides him with a way to speak out his feelings and save her the way he couldn't do to his friend, but also she's there for him even during times she shouldn't be; she runs and finds him, she lets him cry and breakdown, and she understands him with a few words. She knows what it's like to be afraid and broken, and she knows why it's like to feel like no one understands your pain.
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Both she and Suho understand each other because they've been hurt and exhausted each time something from the past comes to remind them of the guilt of being who they are and wallowing in self-hate and disgust. It's so heartbreaking, but they both run to each other time and time again at their most needed moment.
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Soo Jin: The mask of Strength
Someone else with the same issues that also proves to Kyung that the beauty she craves/ the reputation to be seen as having it all isn't great; is Soo Jin. Whilst on the surface she’s incredible, she’s powerful, fights for everyone, protects Kyung like a knight in shining armour, is protective of all her friends, uses her strengths to help others, and ensure people aren’t looked down on, or broken down. 
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Soo-Jin is also put into the same situation as Kyung and Suho, she's also broken down mentally, physically and emotionally. She's had her self esteem be destroyed repeatedly; for never getting to the top except she is always on top. She's the girl who has everything, like Suho her mask is the girl who has everything sorted, she's kind but harsh to the right people, she's protective because she doesn't like bullies and cruelty. She's intelligent and also beautiful naturally as Kyung puts it.
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Still, her mask of strength is unveiled when you realise she's forced to put up with a bigger bully her own father, he's cruel, abusive and degrades her by physical violence. It's heart-breaking. To have the control, she repeatedly tries to wash her hands clean to the point they're raw and dry when she stressed and terrified. When she's broken and scared, she tries to restart again, washes her hands clean and starts again making her self anew, making her mind anew, and becoming stronger. 
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Her washing her hands mindlessly is the only time we see her without her mask, and no one can see her scars on the apparent parts they're hidden on her hands dry and cracked and easily misunderstood as dryness or mistake. Easily the part of the body that's not noticed at first.
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Cruelty, Scars and Trauma
That's the thing with scars in this show and PTSD.  Kyung's mask covers up the acne scars that people have hurt her because of.  Yet now those scars are actively hidden under her makeup and guise of beauty, she has those external scars but also mental scars about how she looks she's been forced to a mindset where seeing her self in the mirror automatically gives her shivers, makes her terrified and go into self-hating phase. She's been forced to hide who she truly is because that was taken away from her by bullies because of her looks.' it just sucks and hurts.
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Suho's mask covers his internal scars and burdens placed on him, you won't think he's broken or hurting from his past because his mask of coldness which makes everyone think he uses the status and reputation for his strength instead of loathing it. Suho's internal scars have made him become someone who's closed off, distrustful and harsh sometimes and no one understands it, they take it the wrong way, staying away from him. For example Seojun it's Suho's mask that made him think Suho was despicable and felt guiltless when in reality every single word SeoJun said to Suho about wanting him to never be happy until after he dies, about making sure he never has a good time because of Seoyeon just drives deeper with that self-hate. Disgust, Suho has for himself; it's like Seojun keeps repeatedly stabbing his wounds all over again. When he appears the issues increase even more if you've noticed, Suho's symptoms of PTSD increased because Seojun had started to actively make him go back to feeling guilty and remind him of the choice he made to push people away. Seojun playing a role in this is so upsetting, and it's made it hard for me to like his character as much as I did before.
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The masks may cover up their scars in their minds and to others, but it won't make them free the way they want to be. These characters break my heart and have been through so much.
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I'm loving this show. I think it gets better and more painful each episode, but it has the light moments, it touches your heart, and it makes you smile and cry so much. The romance between Suho and Kyung is also precious despite certain pauses in their growth because of their masks and miscommunications. However, the fact that they're each other's refuge to be free without their masks, to breath and to see each other the way others can't it's beautiful. Seojun's feelings for Kyung are also growing. I'm torn because I like his moments so much but thinking about emotional torment and pain he causes Suho, especially in these episodes isn't my cup of tea. Kyung sees him as a sibling right now, and I wonder if that's all she's ever goanna accept him as I actually want him and Soojin to be together at the end and Soojin is slowly getting into her role of second lead for Suho. I hope they don't use her hurt as a way to make her a villain. That's be sick if she breaks down because Suho likes Kyung not her like no let's avoid this storyline.
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wordsfromthesol · 3 years
Text
The Interview
Author: @wordsfromthesol Taglist: @zphilophobiaz @malfoys-demigod @pricetagofficial Pairing: Dick Grayson x Reader Summary: Your name slips in one of Dick Grayson's interviews and creates issues in every aspect of your life. Word Count: 1.2k
Part Two
"So I'm joined here with Richard Grayson, the eldest son of billionaire Bruce Wayne. And really there is just one question on everyone's mind. Where were you during his charity event this past weekend? You certainly weren't there, and Wayne enterprises had no recollection of a business trip. Have you had a falling out with your father?"
"Please, call me Dick. And I didn't know I would be bombarded with conspiracy theories this early in the morning."  Dick was attempting to buy himself as much time as possible to formulate a lie. "Unfortunately, the real answer is much less superfluous. Y/N was quite ill, so I thought my time was best spent tending to her." Why your name popped in his head, he still wasn't sure.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Is your girlfriend doing better now?" The interviewer didn't know exactly who this "Y/N" person that Dick referred to was, but they were determined to find out.
"Yes yes, she's as good as new." Dick didn't bother correcting your assumed status. It was just one short interview on the morning gossip channel. What more could come of it? Or so he thought...
**
You always ran late on Monday mornings and today was no different. Racing through the office corridor, you didn't even notice the obvious stares from coworkers. Almost as soon as you sat down at your desk your coworker Josh darted towards you.
"Y/N  Y/M/N  Y/L/N. WHY WOULD YOU NOT TELL ME?!"
"Uh…you're going to have to be a bit more specific." Your eyes narrowed in confusion.
"Dick Grayson?!" Josh exclaimed the name as if something should be obvious.
"Okay…not very helpful. We've been friends for years? You knew this. Did something happen to him?" You were still utterly confused about his sudden outburst.
"Friends" he scoffed at the apathetic use of the word before pulling out his phone. Within seconds you were watching the interview clip from this morning's talk show.
"Heh, right. About that…can you just give me a minute?" Your voice unconsciously went up several octaves as you stuttered out the sentence. Josh glared at you with a suspicious look in his eyes as you scurried off to the bathroom. Anger bubbled up inside you as you made sure the bathroom was clear before punching Dick's number into your phone.
"Y/N, what's up?" Dick's casual greeting was the last straw.
"Are you KIDDING me?! WHAT'S UP?!" The exasperated words poured out of you.
"Heh…you uh saw the interview then." He quickly learned his mistake after the interview clip accumulated hundreds of thousands of views in a matter of hours.
"Want to explain further, please. I'd like to know why I'm involved in this lie. Which will be heard by millions of people." A sour taste lingered in your mouth as you waited for his response.
"It's no big deal really. I just kinda needed an alibi. For why I wasn't at dear old dad's latest soiree."
"Alibi? I'm sorry is my best friend a criminal now?"
"What? No. Don't be ridiculous." Dick tried to console you, but he was met with silence. You refused to budge on this matter, you needed a proper explanation. Dick finally let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine alright. I'll explain tonight. I can't talk about this over the phone."
"Seriously Dick, if you go to prison, I'm not waiting for you." Normally the quip would have been a joke, but at this point even you were unsure.
You took a moment to compose yourself before stepping out of the bathroom. Instead of walking back to your desk you immediately went towards your supervisor's office. There was no way you could get through the workday now; the barrage of questions would never cease.
Feigning a cough, you slowly entered their office. "I'm not feeling very *cough* well. I think it's *cough* best if I head home." There was no way your rouse was fooling them, but thankfully they let you go home anyways. If only you made it that far.
**
You woke up in a shitty motel room, arms tied to the headboard. "Aye Boss! The bitch is awake!" You heard the scream resonate through your mind as you blinked past the confusion.
"Finally," a brutish man plodded into the room. "You're that Wayne kid's girl. Right?" Though he phrased it as a question, he didn't wait for an answer. "Time to call the rich brat. You're gunna fetch me a pretty penny." A sordid smile graced across his lips as he grabbed your phone from the counter. It didn't take long for the device to start ringing, Dick's photo flashing across the screen.
"Y/N/N, I told you, we will talk tonight. I need sleep." You could hear the sleep deprivation in his voice.
"Oh dear boy, unfortunately, this is not your Y/N/N."
Dick's tone immediately changed into one you had not heard before, one laced with fury and panic. "Is she safe? What do you want?"
"Momentarily, and how do you put a price on human. On someone you love so dearly?" The sarcastic words fell effortlessly from your captor's lips. Like this was nothing, just a typical Monday. "Oh I know, how about 2 million."
"Let me speak to her." Had he done this before? The question rant through your mind as the gag was removed from your lips.
"Speak!" Your captor demanded.
"Dick…?" His name came out as more of a question. For some reason, you hoped he knew what was going on. Or perhaps this was all just some terrible nightmare.
"Sweetheart, just stay calm. I'm going to get you out of this. Are you hurt?"
"I…I'm fine…" you stammered out, knowing that one wrong move could make that statement obsolete.
"Alright lovebirds. That's enough. You have 2 hours to get the money." Before Dick could answer, the man hung up the phone and sauntered into the next room. "Well, looks like we got true love here fellas. The boy is gunna pay up." You heard at least 3 people howl with excitement…there goes your hope for escape.
**
The first hour passed by agonizingly slow and your mind began to betray you. What if he won't pay? He will right? He's been your best friend for years. Two million wasn't too much. He would pay. Even if he asked Bruce for the money…he would pay…Right? He wouldn't just leave you there at the mercy of these -- the intrusive thoughts were interrupted by an explosion emanating from the other room. A few screams and grunts later, Nightwing appeared in the doorway.
"Y/N! Thank God you're okay!" He raced over to you, tugging at the ropes securing your arms to the headboard.
"Uh…Thanks?" You said while rubbing your wrists, still confused as to why the vigilante was here in the first place. "If you don't mind, I need to go kill my best friend now."
"Really? After I just saved you?" A smug smirk formed on his face as your mind pieced together the puzzle.
"Dick?! Seriously? This is why you needed an alibi?!"
328 notes · View notes
extratragic · 4 years
Text
put the pieces back together
pairing: JJ Maybank x reader
warning: depression & all that good stuff that comes with it. (promise it’s really just soft JJ)
word count: 2057
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(found the gif @rudypankows )
request: Could you do a scenario where the reader breaks up with jj bc she doesn’t want him to deal with her problems (depression,Anxiety, low-self esteem anger issues) and when jj finds out why she broke up with him he goes and comfort her if you will 👉🏽👈🏽🥺 angst to fluff 🤧❤️
summary: JJ is just the person to take care of the girl he loves
y/d/n = your dad’s name, y/m/n = your moms name, y/b/n = your brothers name
   “I just... I can’t do this anymore, JJ. I’m not good for you.”
That was the last time that the group saw you for weeks. 
You and JJ had been dating for six months at that point. Everything was going perfectly according to JJ, and everything was going perfectly until absolutely nothing was going perfect in your life. 
It wasn’t a sudden switch like you’d had before, either. 
You felt the way that you’d want to be home more often than going out with your friends. Even shopping felt like a drag, but you thought you could push past it this time. You didn’t wear your bikini anymore, though. You either wore a once piece or a swim shirt with shorts. Your body just looked... off when you put a bikini on, and your self-esteem couldn’t handle being around Kie while you felt like that. 
You weren’t eating, either. 
JJ was the first to notice that when you did come to The Wreck with them, you would steal fries from his plate but that’s it. 
Depression kicked your ass when it wanted to, and when anxiety joined the party, you felt like you couldn’t be around anyone. 
You were diagnosed with anxiety at eleven years old, and then depression at thirteen. You’d only known the Pogue’s for a year, and they only knew about your anxiety. Telling people about either diagnosis made you feel uncomfortable, but you knew that this group was insane and might just push your limits. 
When JJ got a text from your mom three weeks after you broke up with him saying that she needed him, he yelled at John B to drive the HMS back to his house at that second. His leg was bouncing the entire ride and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Did something happen to you? Did something happen to your siblings? Your dad? 
Kie tried to comfort him, but he didn’t listen to any of them. He was scared. He knew something was wrong with you and he didn’t tell anyone about it. 
JJ was off of the boat and on his bike before anyone could say a word to him. Yeah, you broke up with him, but you were still his girl. He wouldn’t have a problem beating someone’s ass if they came near you, and he would always be there if you needed him. And right now, you need him.
He knocked on the front door and your dad opened it after a few seconds. 
“We need to talk before you see her,” he said. 
JJ nodded and walked into your family’s home, sitting on the couch with your parents. 
“She told us that you know about her anxiety,” your dad started off. JJ nodded again and your dad took a deep breath before continuing. “She was diagnosed with depression a couple years after the anxiety. She’s on medications, but sometimes it’s too much for her to handle. Everything’s been okay since she became friends with you guys. But sometimes everything hits her at once and... this happens,” he sighed, running his hand over his face. 
“Is it my fault?” JJ asked weakly. 
He was so scared that he was the reason behind what was happening with you. Did he do something to set you off? Did he go too far in something?
“No! No, JJ. Sometimes her anxiety attacks are easier to figure out, but these... the depression episodes are hard for all of us, especially her. It could’ve been finals that started it, for all we know. The best thing that we’ve learned is that she needs someone she loves by her side,” Y/d/n said. 
JJ took a deep breath and looked at the hallway that led to your room. 
“She broke up with me,” he said quietly. 
“We know. But we also know y/n, and we know that she loves you, JJ,” Y/m/n told him.
“Can I see her?” JJ asked. 
They nodded and he stood up, walking down the hall and grabbing the door handle with a shaky hand. After collecting himself, he opened the door, relaxing just a little bit when he saw y/b/n sitting beside you. His heart broke when he saw you on the bed. Your comforter and his blanket were wrapped around you and you were laying on the bed, looking at nothing. 
The fairy lights that you always - always- had on were off. Your clothes were in a pile by your desk. Your room was just a mess, and you were such a clean person that it shocked him. 
“Can I...” JJ trailed off, looking at your brother. 
He nodded and whispered something to you before getting up. When he stopped by JJ, he looked back at you and sighed. 
“She’ll be okay. You just gotta remember that,” he told JJ. 
JJ nodded shakily and your brother patted his shoulder before leaving. 
“Hey, sweet girl,” JJ said softly, crouching down beside your bed. 
You looked at him and he smiled softly, tucking your hair behind your ear. You closed your eyes and he kissed your forehead before laying down beside you. While JJ played with your hair, you barely moved from your spot. His phone chimed and he looked at the screen, seeing a text from your mom. 
We’re going to get something to eat from the wreck. If you want something, you can just text it. 
p.s, y/n hasn’t showered in almost a week. if you can get her up, that would be great for her
“Want something to eat, baby?” He asked quietly. 
He barely heard the ‘no’ escape your lips, but he texted your mom to get your favorite order anyways. He loved it, and if you wouldn’t eat the main part, then maybe you’d eat the fries. 
There were texts from John B, Kie, and Pope, but he’d just text them when you were asleep.
“You sleepy?” He asked. 
You shook your head and he nodded, looking over your face carefully. He could tell from the dried streaks on your cheeks that you’d been crying, but your eyes held no emotion other than pure exhaustion. Your pretty pink lips were chapped and there was a small crack on your bottom lip. The eyebrows that you usually kept perfectly plucked were no longer in perfect condition, but he thought you still looked good. Even in what you thought was your worst, he still thought you were beautiful.
You were always beautiful in his eyes. 
“When’s the last time you showered, sweet girl?” He asked. 
You shrugged and he raised his eyebrows. “Dunno. A week?” You guessed. 
Your voice was broken and raspy like you had barely used it over the last three weeks. 
“Wanna shower? I can help,” he offered, running his fingers through your hair. It was a little greasy at the roots, but it didn’t bother him.
“You don’t have to take care of me. I broke up with you,” you muttered.
He scrunched up his nose and sighed, nodding. That one hurt just a bit.
“Yeah, true. But you’re always my girl. So, shower?” He asked.
Tears slowly filled your eyes and you nodded. “I’m sorry,” you choked out.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, baby. I know you’re hurting,” he told you.
He pulled you into his arms and kissed the top of your head, squeezing you tightly. You grabbed his hand and held it to your chest as your tears fell from your eyes and onto his chest.
The two of you eventually made it to your bathroom and he took his clothes off until he was in his boxers, then he helped you undress. For some reason, the people that owned the house before your family had a stool for the shower, but it came in handy now.
You sat on the stool with your back towards the showerhead with your forehead on JJ’s abdomen. He washed your hair for you, smiling softly at the smell wafting through the small bathroom. His favorite smell was your berry scented shampoo and conditioner.
When you first got it, you were always complaining about how you never got anything that smelled the way you thought it would. Once you washed your hair with that, he fell in love with it just as much as you did.
After washing your hair, he got down on his knees and helped you wash your body, kissing your cheeks as he went along. When he fished your arms, he kissed your right cheek. After your legs, he kissed your left cheek. He kept going until you told him you felt clean.
“Any other special pampering?” He asked, smiling softly.
“My face,” you answered. 
He grabbed the small pink thing that he always saw you use and put the face wash on it, rubbing it into your skin. You smiled when he mumbled a ‘sorry’ when going near your eyes. It didn’t hurt, it just felt weird that someone else’s hand was this close when your eyes were closed. 
“All done. Did we miss anything?” He asked. 
You shook your head and he turned the water off, getting out of the shower. He took his soaked boxers off and wrapped one towel around his waist and wrapped the other towel around your body. It was fluffy, just as you liked it, and you snuggled against JJ after he wrapped you in the towel.
“What pajamas, baby?” He asked.
“I dunno. Let’s figure it out,” you told him.
He nodded and went back to your room, stopping in front of your closet. You picked out one of his shirts that he left there and slipped it on, moving away from JJ to wrap your towel around your head. You grabbed a pair of underwear and shorts, then climbed into bed.
“Your clothes are in the top drawer. Get dressed and cuddle,” you told him.
He laughed and did as you said, quickly getting dressed. When he got into bed beside you, he realized that the sheets were different than before.
“Hang on,” he said, quickly shooting up and going over to your vanity. He grabbed your moisturizer and walked back over to you, gently rubbing it into your skin.
“You hungry?” He asked when he finished.
You shook your head like you did before.
“Okay. Well, I am, and I asked your mom to get me something. I’ll be right back,” he told you.
“Okay,” you said quietly.
He kissed your forehead and went into the kitchen, seeing your parents and brother eating.
“You got her up?” Your dad asked.
“Showered and changed. She says she’s not hungry, but I figured that she might want some fries at least,” he told them.
Your mom smiled happily at him, sliding the to-go box across the table.
“Keep the crumbs off those sheets,” she playfully warned.
“Yes, ma’am,” he grinned, taking the box and plastic silverware and going back to your room.
When JJ came back into your room with your favorite meal from The Wreck, your heart melted. Food just didn’t sound good at all to you, but you knew that you had to eat something today. Usually it was your brother that got you to eat, but JJ was definitely better than him. 
“J,” you said quietly. 
He hummed, pulling the covers over his legs and putting an old towel over the comforter to keep the crumbs from getting on the sheets.
“Thank you,” you told him.
His blue eyes met your loving gaze and he leaned in slowly, waiting for your nod to kiss your lips softly. 
“Anything for you, my sweet girl,” he said, pecking your lips again before digging into his dinner. 
You smiled softly and laid your head on his shoulder, occasionally stealing a fry. He held up the fork to your mouth and you took the bite, making him grin. He was simply just happy with making small progress. You knew that this was far more than small progress and it made you feel even better. 
JJ, the broken teenage boy, was able to keep you sane through your bad times. You, another broken teen, just happened to be one of the few people to help JJ through his bad times. 
You put each others pieces back together, one at a time. 
2K notes · View notes
pascalpanic · 3 years
Text
Sirenita (Marcus Moreno x f!Reader)
Summary: You and Marcus were supposed to have a wonderful long weekend to yourselves in his home. Your immune system has other plans.
W/C: 2.7k
Warnings: language, talk of having a cold and some of the gross details are included, talk of like mucus, sore throats, stomachaches etc. talk of sex and sexual flirting/innuendos.
A/N: I woke up this morning and have NO voice from a sore throat, after last night when I was researching Spanish terms of endearment and I found one to mean “little mermaid”... of course I had to write it! Thanks to @theteddylupinexperience and @sanchosammy for reading this one for me :)
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There are very few things that you love more than long weekends. There’s a definitive list of the things you do: Marcus Moreno sits at the very top. He’s your everything, really, your comfort and warmth and all of your heart is hidden within his. The second-place title goes to Missy Moreno. The little girl is your best friend, and you are hers. She’s funny and whip-smart, and she loves you like a mother figure.
Fourth place seems like a fitting spot for long weekends. As much as you love them, there are three things you love more, even though two and three might sound contradictory. Number Three in your heart is long weekends with Marcus where Missy isn’t home.
Missy is at an age where she’d much rather be with friends than family during her free time. You understand the feeling, remembering your days of spending leisurely days with friends and seeing your parents only when you came home to sleep.
As much as you and Marcus both adore the little girl, you empathize. Marcus is surprisingly lenient with her, allowing her to go to friends’ houses or come to theirs whenever she’d like. There was a long time where Missy didn’t have any friends at all. He’s more than willing to let her make up for lost time. It makes his heart swell to see his little girl happy again.
This long weekend, a dreary three days in the middle of March, was supposed to be wonderful. Missy made plans to go with her friend’s family to their lake house a few hours away, and you and Marcus were more than willing to hold down the house while she was gone.
Weekends are always too short. They’re never enough time for you to properly adore Marcus, to cuddle and fuck and do things and sleep and hang around the house. The two days are filled with driving Missy places, shopping for groceries and meal prepping for the Morenos and their busy weeks. If you’re lucky enough for Missy to fall asleep earlier than the two of you, you can sneak in a round of lovemaking in Marcus’s ridiculously plush bed.
That’s why three days are perfect: you can finish everything you need to, and still have time to cuddle on your boyfriend’s strong chest, to watch movies and lay around for a while, recovering from your hectic lives. When Marcus’s daughter isn’t home, you can wander the house in your underwear, can fuck spontaneously on the couch or in the kitchen or in the shower. The two of you can pretend you’re responsibility-free and young again for a while.
That had been your plan for the weekend, complete with a large package of condoms that had been discreetly delivered to your house and hidden in Marcus’s nightstand. Thursday found you with drained energy and pounding in your temples. You took a mucus relief pill and hoped for the best. Much to your chagrin, you’d come home from work on Friday night with a nagging cough and a dripping nose, feeling utterly miserable. You’d helped Missy pack and sent her on her way to her friend’s lake house with a large bag of snacks you’d helped her shop for.
The cold evolved over the course of the night, leaving you a whimpering mess in Marcus’s arms. Marcus made the two of you hot chocolate with almond milk, insisting that dairy would only make you produce more of the slime plaguing you. He was right, and you’d cuddled and sipped your hot beverages while you watched a movie you’d been waiting to see when Missy wasn’t home. He pressed gentle kisses to your forehead, noting the heat radiating from your skin every time. If it ever felt warm, he’d insist you take your temperature again. The beeping of the little stick made you wince when you heard it now, but you were always relieved to find you didn’t have a fever.
You’d retired later than the two of you normally did, but it was still early in the night. As Marcus removed his glasses and set them on his nightstand, you cuddled into his chest and sighed. This was going to be a long night with your painful throat, and you hoped you wouldn’t wake Marcus.
It took a long time to fall asleep, despite Marcus’s steady breathing calming you. You’d got up and sat at the window, admiring the way the large tree in the Morenos’ backyard swayed and rustled with the gusts of wind. Marcus made the soft noises of a nightmare. He’s had many of them, too many, and it breaks your heart. You climbed back into bed and kissed at his neck and jaw just enough to wake him from the dream, then admired the rise and fall of his chest as he fell back asleep.
Around 2 A.M., you finally fell asleep.
-
When you wake in the morning, the Saturday sun filtering through the gauzy curtains you’d hung in the bedroom, Marcus is still deeply asleep. You roll over and take a deep gulp, taking inventory of the feelings in your body.
Your throat still stings, but nowhere near the level it hurt the past few days. That makes you sigh in relief. You still can’t breathe through one nostril, but that’s a minor effect. You yawn and attempt to pop your ears but they’re still too plugged.
The biggest issue you notice is in your stomach. It aches and churns, feeling just generally gross. You suppose the amount of your mucus in your stomach isn’t exactly helping your situation. Sighing again, you sit on the edge of the bed for a moment before standing next to it.
Marcus rolls over, frowning at the lack of your warmth, the emptiness in his arms. “Baby?” He asks, groggy and rough from sleep.
“Right here,” you say- or you try to. Your voice croaks from your throat, barely audible. Oh, shit.
Marcus opens his eyes as he looks over at you, frowning even deeper. “Are you okay?” he asks, sitting up and putting on his glasses. It’s a small relief to see that you’re right next to him and not visibly pained or distraught.
“Fine, yeah,” you say, but your hand flies to your throat, coughing and trying to clear it. You chuckle, the raspy and cracking voice sound filling the room.
Marcus laughs softly. “How do you feel?” He asks gently, taking one of your hands.
“Okay. Better, actually, but my voice is just…” you sigh at the strain of talking. “And my stomach feels like absolute shit.”
He frowns, pushing the covers off from his lap. “Well, you should eat something. Let’s get you some breakfast, huh? I’ll make you some toast,” he offers, standing up and pulling you alongside him as he begins to walk.
He’s warm, and you’re unbearably hot. “Sure,” you nod and scoot away from him. He looks at you with sad eyes and you offer an apologetic smile. “I’m just really warm, I’m sorry.”
Marcus’s eyes are filled with understanding and he nods. “You wanna take a cool shower and I’ll make you some breakfast?” He asks, just taking your hand instead.
“Please,” you smile and kiss his cheek. “I love you so much,” you whisper, finding that at least you can sound somewhat normal if you speak in such a low tone.
“Love you too, beautiful,” he chuckles and kisses the top of your head. “You’re like Ariel. Did some kind of mean sea witch steal your voice?” He asks teasingly, making you croak out a laugh.
“Just call me the little mermaid,” you sigh, swallowing and wincing at the pain.
“You know, that’s a nickname my dad called my mom when I was little. Sirenita. It literally means little mermaid,” he smiles down at you, placing a hand on each of your upper arms. “Go hop in the shower. It’ll feel good.”
You nod and obey, heading back in the bedroom and into the attached bathroom. You take a nice shower, and the cool water feels good on your warm skin. You turn up the heat a little and relish in the way the steam soothes your nose, makes everything feel just a little better. Once you’re done, you dry your hair and pull on a tank top and a pair of Marcus’s sweatpants, wandering downstairs.
Being Marcus, he’s made a gorgeous spread of food for you. There is toast and fruit, scrambled eggs, all kinds of foods. “Hi. I didn’t know how much flavor you could tolerate, so I just-”
He’s cut off when you throw your arms around him and kiss the side of his face. “Thank you,” you rasp out, squeezing him tight. “You’re the best man on Earth. How are you so cute?”
He’s about to respond but there’s a high pitched noise and he turns quickly, out of your arms. “Oh, I’m making tea for you too,” he tells you and kisses the bridge of your nose before he grabs the kettle from the stove.
“You literally just proved my point further,” you laugh and follow him along, wrapping your arms around him from behind. “I know we had all kinds of grand plans for this weekend, but I think we need to put today’s on hold.”
He smiles at the feeling, putting one hand atop of your arm. “Oh, I know. It’s alright. We’ve still got two more days,” he assures you and rubs your arm slowly with his strong hands, the other one pouring the kettle into two mugs with tea bags.
“God, I don’t deserve you,” you sigh and let go to stand next to him, pulling the tea bag and watching it bob in the water.
Marcus frowns, a few lines in his forehead. “Yes you do. You deserve everything I can do for you and more, mi sirenita,” he says softly, looking down at you. “And what you deserve today, especially with how you’re feeling, is rest. So I’ve made us an alternate plan.”
“Oh yeah?” You croak.
“You got it. The first part is that you don’t talk for the rest of the day. I’ll only ask you yes or no questions,” he tells you as he picks up the two mugs. “We’re just going to cuddle in bed or on the couch and binge watch that new series we’ve been meaning to watch. You’ll only get up to go to the bathroom, and I’ll get you everything else. My mom is going to bring some of her famous soup over later, she texted me, and we’ll have that for dinner. Does that sound good?”
You pout at him with big and loving eyes. “That’s so sweet,” you coo and reach for the mug of tea.
He pulls it back and raises an eyebrow, teasingly smiling. “Ah. No more talking starting… now. Does that sound good?” He repeats, holding the mugs far from your body. You nod and he grins, handing you the mug.
“Good.” Marcus kisses your head softly. “Alright, babe. You want honey and lemon in this?” He asks as he prepares his own tea.
Once again, you nod. Marcus never said anything about phones. You pull it from your pocket, and an automated voice speaks what you type for you.
“Marcus Moreno you are a little shit and I adore your cute butt,” a robotic voice vocalizes for you. He turns and you grin as you hold up the phone, giggling softly. You type in more words for it. “Hello Marcus it is me I am a cyborg now. Marcus Moreno has a cute ass and the world knows it because he is famous and I am eternally grateful for that.”
Marcus frowns. “Stop making that thing talk about my ass.”
“I am solely using this to objectify you now that you said that. Marcus Moreno has washboard abs and is really sexy. Marcus Moreno’s ass is squishier than it looks. The reason Marcus has such strong thighs is because he fucks like a machine. Marcus Moreno is a DILF.” You’re giggling uncontrollably now.
“Give me that goddamn thing, I swear to God,” he laughs and tries to steal it from you. You jerk it back with a squeal, and Marcus leans forward again to grab it. “You can’t run from me with that thing. It’s metal.”
You break your promise not to speak. “I can try!” You squeal and the Heroic lunges for you again. With a squeak, you take off into the living room, dodging around and running through the maze of the couch and coffee table.
You stumble a little, your arms waving in the air as you try to catch your balance. That’s the perfect moment, and the phone in your hand zips through the air and into Marcus’s palm. “Goddamnit,” you whine and flop down on the couch, lying on your back.
Marcus shakes his head but he’s smiling. “It was all cute until you called me a DILF.” He walks until he’s standing at your side.
“You are,” you grin up at him, voice crackling. “You’re a dad and I’d like to fuck you.”
Rolling his eyes, Marcus bends down and lifts you up, making you squeal again. “Jesus Christ,” he sighs, but you can practically hear the smile in his voice as he fireman-carries you to the kitchen. “I told you not to talk. I told you to relax. And what do you do?”
“Sorry,” you laugh, your face nearly pressed into his back as he holds you over his shoulder. “Couldn’t help it. It just sounded hilarious. I had to.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He sets you down and playfully smacks your ass, stealing a quick kiss before pulling a chair out from the table. “Eat.”
Shaking your head, you laugh. “I suppose that’s a good idea.” You grab a fork and scoop up some of the various foods. “I love you so much.
“No talking, little mermaid,” he reminds you, taking a sip from his cooled tea.
“I like that better in Spanish,” you murmur as you take a sip of the hot tea and sigh at the relief.
“What, you like sirenita?”
You smile and nod, going back to your vow of silence as you eat some of the breakfast. The two of you eat together quietly, in the comfortable lull that the two of you are so good at. Marcus isn’t a huge talker, and he appreciates a partner who can leave the silence in the air without needing to fill it. The quiet clanks of your metal utensils against the porcelain plates is enough.
You sigh when you finish your food, a wave of exhaustion coming over your body once more now that your stomach is settled and most things feel better than before. Marcus looks over at you and smiles. “Alright, Princess Ariel. Oh, does that make me Prince Eric?” He asks with a laugh.
You nod excitedly, trying not to speak, but you have to. “You look just like him.”
“First of all, no I do not, and second of all, no more talking.”
“I can make that decision,” you tease, though you know he’s doing it out of love. “You do. You’re tall and have pretty wavy dark hair and you’re ripped.”
“Missing the blue eyes.”
“I like brown better anyway,” you tell him with a lovestruck smile. You take the last sip of your tea, your eyes falling shut.
Marcus’s love would taste like tea, you think: warm honey, delicate flowers, spiced and flavorful herbs, earthy leaves, bright citrus, and warmth that soothes any ache you can possibly feel.
The weight of your eyelids is growing heavy, and Marcus can tell. “Well, mi amor,” he chuckles and stands. “You look tired.”
For once, you don’t disagree. “I am. I love you.”
“I love you too, sirenita. Let’s get you to bed.” Marcus carries you up the stairs as you nestle into his chest, sighing. There’s nowhere better than here.
-
taglist:
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terry-perry · 3 years
Text
Here We Go Again pt. 3
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Odinsdottir!Reader
Warnings: Parental angst (if that’s a thing)
OC: A.J. Rogers, Daisy Rogers, Natalie Rogers
A/N: Previous parts HERE and HERE.
Tags: @prettysatan​
Enjoy!
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He didn’t know what was going on with her. At first, he thought it was about work. He knew how stressed she could get when the council couldn’t reach agreements on certain issues. But then, he began to do some more thinking. Was this about the girls leaving for that mission?
She was still having a bit of a struggle with accepting the fact that they were now part of the next generation of Avengers. They were still her babies, in her eyes. Only 17 and 19, and they were off fighting crime and putting their lives on the line to save the world. How could she not worry?
Whatever it was that was bothering her, she shouldn’t keep it all bottled up. He wanted to be there for her as best as he could.
“Thor?” Steve approached his brother-in-law at the cliffs overlooking the waters. It was always a favorite spot of the God’s who now looked over his shoulder to offer a welcoming smile.
“Something I can do for you, brother?”
Even after all these years, it felt rather strange for Steve to be referred to as such. When imagining the possibility of future in-laws, he didn’t exactly prepare himself to have any that were of royalty. And in this case, space royalty. Still, it didn’t deter him from seeing Thor as family. It was why he was coming to him, after all. 
“I don’t know,” Steve said, not knowing how else to start. “I just-- I’ve been worried about Y/N. I’m sure it’s nothing; maybe she’s just stressing out over work. But it still feels like she’s closing herself off from everyone. It’s not my business, but did she mention anything to you by any chance?”
After hearing this, Thor was now the one unsure of what to say. Guess Y/N hadn’t told him the news just yet, leading him to this suspicion. This alone made Thor want to spill everything to him, but it wasn’t his secret to tell. No matter how much it concerned Steve. 
“Well, what do you think she might be concerning herself with?” He decided to take a different route by trying to see if Steve could figure it out himself.
It seemed to have done the trick as he pushed his brows together to think about it. “The most recent thing I can think of is the last time we talked to the girls. They have to stay where they are, longer than anticipated. It’s been getting Y/N more anxious than she already was.”
“That must be it then!” Thor attempted to make it look like he came to this conclusion as well. Laying on the enthusiasm a little too thick. 
Steve didn‘t notice, thankfully. Now busy feeling guilty for what Y/N has been going through by herself. And it wasn’t that he hasn’t been missing Daisy and Nat either. He missed them like crazy. But they had jobs to do, just like the ones he and Y/N had.
He figured it was hitting her the hardest since when the kids were growing up, she had been the parent that mostly worked and stayed active even after retiring from the Avengers. He himself took on a more Fury-like role by helping to recruit new members and resolve any disputes there may be between the government and superheroes, but he still spent most of the time at home. 
Now he wanted to do what he could to help her through this emotional time.
But what?
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She continued to pace around the living room, seeming to get more antsy by the minute. This was getting to be too much. Pushing on the verge of ridiculous. She just needed to be upfront about it now. 
“Mom?”
And as if she needed to add more to her inner stress...
“Darling,” she greeted A.J. as he walked in looking concerned. Deja vu. 
“What’s going on? What happened at dinner?”
“I was wondering that myself. What happened with you? You looked quite sick.”
“You’re one to talk,” he retorted, his worried stare having yet faded. “You were covering your nose and face. Was there something actually wrong with the food?”
“No,” she stated, sighing. If she was wanting to be more upfront about this, might as well start now. “The thing is...I’m pregnant.”
She could hear the way his breath caught in his throat. And if that didn’t give away his shock at the news, his suddenly big eyes certainly did. Though it only seemed to last for a second or two, his expression than changing to one of curiosity and intrigue as he glanced down at her stomach.
“Huh, that explains some things then,” he mumbled more to himself.  
She tilted her head, wondering now herself what he could mean by that. “Like what?”
His eyes went back to hers to explain. “Well, at dinner, I think I felt something like a presence? Like someone else was there besides you, me, and dad. And maybe that explains why I felt sick. Because you were feeling sick. Is that possible?”
Her confusion and worry then changed into feelings relating to elation and pride. 
“A.J.!” She squealed, approaching him with these emotions in hand. “You’ve inherited your grandmother’s gift.”
“Her gift?”
It could go without saying that Frigga was a powerful witch with many talents. Which is why it can also be said that her powerful empath abilities could easily be overlooked. It was what helped her in being a wonderful wife and mother as well as a selfless and understanding queen, beloved by all. Being able to channel others’ emotions and auras. Could A.J. have gained this skill too?
“Your grandmother was a powerful Empath that could read the feelings of others,” Y/N went on to explain. “And if powerful enough, they can take on the energy of others. Even feel things before they happen due to having a strong intuition.”
“So, like a mind reader?” A.J. asked.
“In a way. Except instead of thoughts, you’re able to read emotions. The energy level of others. Perhaps what you were sensing at dinner was the presence of your future sibling as well as my troubling emotions. Not to mention, my nausea.”
A scoffing chuckle was what she was met with along with “Well, I’m happy for about the baby and the cool stuff I gained, but I don’t know if I’m looking forward to feeling everything you’re gonna feel these next nine months.”
She was happy to learn about this new development about his son, but he certainly had a point. How would this effect him on a personal level? How did Frigga do it exactly? This wasn’t something either her or any of her siblings inherited fully. Perhaps Mantis would be able to lend hand on this, given she was an Empath herself.
“We’ll find a way to help you control your powers,” she assured him. In the meantime, she was glad that he didn’t seem put off by the other news. “So, you’re okay with the baby? Truly?”
“Yeah,” he said, smiling before giving her a small, reassuring hug. “It’s a surprise, but it’s awesome. But, I take it Dad doesn’t know.”
She looked embarrassed as she shook her head. “Haven’t had the spine to tell him. Scared of how he’d react. But now I’m feeling guilty for putting it off. Doesn’t help that your Uncle Thor and Aunt Brunnhilde already know.”
She released a heavy sigh after spewing all this out. On some level, she wanted him to judge her for acting like a frightened child. But all he could give her was a sweet, comforting look that had him look so much like Steve.
“He’s gonna think this is great news,” A.J. assured her. “He’ll be shocked, sure, but he’ll be happy.”
“You think so?”
“Absolutely,”
The third voice that came into the room immediately caught her off guard, realizing who it was in an instant. She spun around to find Steve had entered their home. That same reassuring and loving face.
“A.J., you mind giving us a minute alone?” Steve requested, directing his head towards the front door.
A.J. understood right away and gave one more smile before making his exit. Leaving his parents alone. One that was biting her bottom lip an fiddling with her fingers while the other wanted it to be known that everything was okay. It would be, anyway.
“How much of that did you hear?” She began with, still afraid to look him in the eye fully. 
“Only all of it,” he teased lightly with a shrug. He walked over so he pull her into his arms and let her see how genuine his happiness was, now that it was up close. “This is great, really.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” she still felt the need to apologize and open to him the way a wife was meant to do with her partner. “I was scared. For many reasons, if we’re being honest. I mean, it’s been so long since we’ve been in this situation. Will we still be good at this?”
“Of course! Y/N...” he pressed her closer as he ran his hands along her sides. The way his fingers traced his back and lightly massaged her got her shivering a bit. “If we’re being honest, I’m scared too. But, it’s a good scared. Like when I realized I was in love with you. Or, even when you were pregnant the first time.” He paused to give a kiss to the top of her head. “This is gonna be great for us. We’re great parents. You, especially. It’s why I thought you were so upset in the first place.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” he took a deep breath, now feeling like the embarrassed one. “I thought you were feeling depressed about the girls being gone.”
“Oh, darling. I mean, of course I wish they were here, but I know they have a job to do. I’m proud of them.”
Steve could only smile brighter as he pressed a kiss to her hand. “That right there. That’s how I know we’re going to be okay. Y/N, you care so much about the people you love and do your best to understand them. It’s why you’re such a great mom. Why I love you so much.”
Her eyes couldn’t help but fill up. He knew. It was true that most of her worry derived from her own anxiety. It’d been a mix of things like her past worry from her family’s history and how she wasn’t the most present parental figure that she wanted to be. But he was right. They got this.
“I’m so lucky,” she summed up these thoughts by simply stating that before burying her face in his chest. 
He chuckled softly and continued to hold her tight. They stayed that way a little while longer until he brought up a surprise of his own:
“We should probably head outside. I called the girls, and they managed to conjure themselves up for a visit. Let’s tell them the good news.”
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popculturebuffet · 3 years
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Scottrospective: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together! or Days of Summer
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Hello all you happy scottaholics! Welcome back to those of you who’ve read the rest of this retrospective and welcome to those of you just joining us. This is the Scottrospective, my look at all 6 volumes of Scott Pilgrim, the game and the movie. It’s all the video game refrenes, slice of life story telling and boob punches you can handle!
It’s been three months since I left off with “The Infinite Sadness” , and while I intended to cover this one for Valentine’s Day, my schedule got away from me and with March being full up, this ended taking till April
I”m not too put off by it though as the hiatus between these two reviews is fitting for this one both in story and out. In story there’s a couple month time skip between books, while out.. this book got delayed a few times.  
This is notable to me at least because this was the first volume of the series I bought when it came out. As i’ve brought up before I came into the series via the Free Comic Book Day Issue and the second and third volumes, picking one up later. I still have my original copies despite no longer really needing them thanks to having the color editions in general. Always will provided something dosne’t happen to them. So this was my first instalment that I got to read fresh and got to wait for and be hyped about and i’d saved enough money that I was able to pre-order it. So the experince of waiting and waiting for the book only to keep seeing it slide back is vivid in my mind as is the frustration I felt having the one thing I COULD NOT WAIT FOR, keep going further and further back. 
So with this long wait and the fact I bought this one when it came out, as I would for the next two which didn’t get delayed thank god, this volume naturally means a lot for me. When I wrote Scott Pilgrim fanfiction, this volume’s status quo is what I based it on. It was the coolest to me and the one I loved to reread the most. It has the most contained story, the most character growth at the time, and the best art due to Bryan’s style having finally hit it’s stride. Not that the art for volumes 1-3 is bad mind you, but it’s very clear his style was changing and shaping into what it is now with each one and while it’d change a bit more, this volume is where the style and quality everyone thinks of when they think of this series and the kind you see on various art done from it comes from. 
So as you can tell i’m excited for this one. Before we get started there WERE two shorter comics released between this one both for Free Comic Book day, the first of which, Free Scott Pilgrim, is the reason I got into the series and the second, the Wonderful World of Kim Pine .. was both delightful and sets up Kim moving in with Hollie for this volume. Originally I intended to cover these in this review.. but I realized they wouldn’t of helped the pacing and this review is going to be way longer than my standard as is.
So instead I came up with the compromise. I did review them.. but as bonus reviews on my patreon. For just one buck a month you can read them and help me reach my stretch goals which now include reviews of Lost at Sea, Seconds and SnotGirl, aka Bryan’s OTHER comics. You can find my patreon THROUGH THIS LINK HERE if your intrested in the exclusives or helping me reach my reviews. I also intend to do an exclusive of Monica Beetle, a short comic Bryan did starring Scott’s dad in the 70s at some point so keep your eyes peeled for that, as well as the three strips he did of Style, the comic that gave us the prototypes for Lisa and Kim. 
I will talk about their connections and setups for this volume briefly: FSP sets up the next ex as a ninja, with Roxy having a bunch of posters come to live and pummel our boy, while Wonderful World has Hollie tell Kim she can move in with her. It’s not much, hence why i made these exclusives but they are good stories, so check them out. And with that JOIN ME UNDER THE CUT, as we enter Scott’s world once more as he grapples with the past, employment, and saying the L-Word... which might be Lesbians. I don’t know. Find out bellow!
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So we open Two Months after Volume 3 with a beach birthday party! Complete with Kim in a swim suit!
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But it’s for Julie who lobs a volley ball at Scott’s head when he and Ramona try to make out. 
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I also dont’ know if “Manfiesting out of all the world’s collectives sorrows” counts as a “birth” necessarily but whatever. I love a good beach story. It’s just a fun setitng for swimming, romance and battling a giant crab with the help of the bird what lives in your backpack.
So after the beach our heroes get dinner and Ramona sweetly calls Scott the nicest guy she’s ever dated. He responds with “That’s sad”. Blunt, but entirely accruate. Julie calls it pathetic and tries to counter Ramona RIGHTFULLY saying “who the hell asked you?” something that really should come after EVERYTHING Julie said with “Back off bitch i’ts my birthday”
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So later that night Sex Bomb-Omb has a beach sing along, and I can’t help but notice Neil’s hairy legs. 
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I mean yes it does make since for a 19 year old to have leg hair, but of all the characters besides Stephen, the ONLY other character we’ve seen it with to give it to, why the character you specifically single out as “Young” it’s just a weird choice I never noticed before. 
But anyways Julie has to whine about it because she’s Julie, she can’t stand other people being happy and complains the song...
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One of my faviorite moments of the series. Knives puts a nicer spin on it, she’s here too and not over with Neil because, as we’ll find out later they broke up, but she just asks if Knives should be drinking. She shouldn’t but for fucks sake lady she was just trying to talk. I also do like that despite Julie trying to control Ramona’s love life, you know the thing the VILLIANS are doing, Ramona cannot stand her now.. and honestly probably never did. 
But Julie, SOMEHOW turns out to be right for once as Kim and Knives have disappeared later that night, and Scott elects to go look for them. Also Ramona says she wants to marry kim while drunk after Julie asks if she does. The throuple is strong with these three... serioulsy that’s my one true pairing for all three now. I mean it ballances out their collective flaws, it’s cute and Ramona is just as into her boyfriends ex as she is her actual boyfriend even when she’s not hamered. Why the fuck not?
Scott instead finds the two making out. I will confess I shipped these two when I was younger.. but I don’t. Not because their gay or anything or because I found another ship for them but because the age gap is still just as wide as it was for Scott. The game did not get this memo and made them a couple which is... ehhhhhhhhh. I mean I wouldn’t mind either being bi, but it just brings up the same problems even if their both hammered. I also question why this scene exists. No really outside of one face punchingly dickish comment from Scott later, this never comes up again and it doesn’t effect Kim’s or Knives character any. Why have this? it’s clearly not fanservice, it’s just a thing that happened. And while Scott Pilgrim as a series does have some of those, as does life and that’s fine.. this is a bit too major, i.e. Kim and Knives, two of the main cast, making out, drunkenly or not, to just.. gloss over you know? I feel Kim would feel majorly guilty for this, as she has the most active moral compass of the main group, and Knives would be massively confused but it’s just.. forgotten because I dunno. In a story that’s otherwise pretty stellar this stands out as an utter waste of potential. I’m not saying have them hook up, gay or not it’s still not better than what Scott did, but have them at least talk about it and have both grow or something from it. Sheesh. 
So we cut to.. another day. Maybe the next day I dunno but it’s August. Point is Scott and Wallace are grocery shopping and Wallace notes they can’t get fancy mayo as their barely in budget. I would’ve glossed over this scene... but @panur​ pointed out back around the Infinite Sadness review that this scene reveals something very intrestng: Scott.. is kind of a fincial burdern to Wallace. Before this while Scott mooched off him it wasn’t all that clear that Wallace was struggling. 
But here we notice that outside of some Havarti, it’s just the simplest stuff imaginable: turkey, bread, boxed mac and cheese ramen noodles... it’s nto BAD stuff, I have all of that in my house and it’s good stuff... but it’s not the kind of thing that you need to carefully budget for. Now granted part of this probably is Wallace as he likely spends a LOT on drinks, condoms and two 2 liters of diet soda a day.. but while he really needs to adress his alcohol issues, the rest is fair. He should be allowed to have as much sex and diet coke as he wants it’s his money. Same with the havarti. He earned it if he wants some really delcious cheese with herbs, seriously Havarati is the best, then that’s his bidness. But the rest of the time he’s barely managing to get  a basketfull of cheap food.. because he has to provide for Scott. It’s clearly something Scott dosen’t get and something I can relate to not getting. It took me a while to get how hard it is to budget for a full family, let alone two people on one income like Wallace has to. But Wallace is working on a nice job... but still a call center or something. He can’t pay for everything and the finccial stress is about to give as their landlord wants to meet with them. And as we’re about to learn things were even worse than we thought. 
Our heroes head home where we get a truly iconic conversation when, over margeritas (again proving my point that while Scott certainly isn’t HELPIGN wallace’s finacials, it’s not all on him)
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This will be imporant later.. both the Lesbians part and Scott’s struggle saying it. he tried earlier on the beach but couldn’t get it out and Ramona clearly didn’t want to hear it as she kapt sshhhhing him.. playfully of course but still. 
So some time later it’s moving day! Kim is moving into Hollie and Josephs, and Scott, Stephen and Jason are helping. You might be wondeirng who the hell Jason is. He’s Kim’s boyfriend. I do not likes him. Not because he’s kim’s boyfriend, getting upset because a fictional character you fancy is dating is just patently stupid. I’ts like getting upset a celebrity crush is in a relationship: you had no chance anyway why. I wasn’t even bothered as a kid. I don’t really like him.. because he has no real personaliy and no real baring on the plot and I struggle to think why Bryan included him other than for a really annoying plot twist next time, which does not help my liking him knowing what’s coming. 
But while our heroes help our heroine move in, and Scott is suprised Hollie is there despite Kim having told him a minute ago she was moving in with her, something I can relate to sadly, we get something vitally plot important; Stephen passes Joseph’s room.. and notices he has a small recording setup in his room. Stephen quickly begs him to record the band’s album and Joseph agrees if only because he finds Stephen hot. Eh i’ve seen better relationships start on less, fair enough. And yes I said relationship more on that in a bit. 
So after a brief scene of Scott and Ramona having lunch where Scott fails to know her age and when Ramona says he could just ask.. hea sks and she dosen’t tell, not a bad scene character wise just not very plot important and probably should’ve bene swapped in order with the previous scene, we get to the next day. There’s a heat wave so Wallace orders Scott to go to the mall maybe find a job. He emphasises that. 
Instead Scott just sorta bums around thirst but nto having any money.. until an old face shows up. 
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For those who forgot like Scott has, it’s Lisa Miller from the Volume 2 flashback, the girl who had a crush on Scott and was close friends with him and Kim. After a tackle hug  and some panic Scott eventually remembers.... if in a curiously unique and self serving way
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At the time this was just hilarous. Now it’s very clear foreshadowing for the big twist in Volume 6. The two catch up while Scott is very clearly attracted to her but very clearly dosen’t want to be, with Lisa wondering where kim is, finding about Ramona, etc, before offering Scott lunch as the two catch up and Scott is very conflicted about how he feels. It’s nice visual stuff as he’s blushing, something more clear in the color version and trying to desperatley sort things out. As for why Lisa’s here she’s moving to the states soon, but is staying with her sister for now. 
So after an incdental scene with Wallace we catch up with Knives, who has broken up with Neil. And after some talk about Clash at the Demonhead, Tamra notes Knives apparently put a big x on her shrine of Scott... which baffles Knifves as she sure as hell didn’t do it and is still, sadly, obessed with Scott as ever. Granted Tamra isn’t at all helpful here claiming she did it even when she says she didn’t, is clearly confused and while yes we don’t know who else would care Tams, that just makes it all the more creepy. Stop gaslighting your bestie, she’s already got enoguh issues. She dosen’t need thinking she might have a split personality on top of the stalking, obession over a guy who has no intrest in loving her back, and attempted stabbings. Knives dosesn’t get a ton of focus in this one sadly. She kind of takes a back seat, and while sh’es not GONE from the volumle and someone close to her does impact it, she dosen’t really have any personal progression, negative or positive, like she does in every other volume, a shame since her personal jouney is one of the most intresting of the main cast. 
Anyways that night Scott hangs out with Lisa, having not gotten around to telling Ramona she exists yet and plays a game of find the Kim Pine. She goes to Neil’ and Stephen’s place for practice, but finds no one there and Neil being a dick... get used to that it’s going to get about 80 times worse soon enough. Though we do get this classic panel i’ve gotten some use out of 
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He goes to Kim’s place, but she , Hollie and Satan’s Misterss have all left to Sneaky Dee’s, the local mexican place, for something to eat and Stephen is either high or doing.. something with Joseph. 
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Yeah i’m not hiding that Stephen turns out to be gay in the final volume or cheating on Bitch and a Half with Joseph. And even if I hate Julie with the power of a frozen sun, I still dont’ think cheating on her is kosher. He could’ve just broken up with her and while part of it was likely confusion, and he could also be bi and not decided which one he wanted to be with, it’s still a dick move.. and later makes him a hypocrite but that’s a rant for next volume. 
So our heroes FINALLY find Kim, along with Hollie and Mouthface. And a nice thing I like is that Kim and Lisa are just.. increidbly close, happily catching up and making plans to hang before Lisa leaves, that despite Lisa having feelings for Scott the two ended up as close and She and Scott did and i’ts sweet to see. it’s also just.. rare to see Kim GENUINELY happy. I mean look at her
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It’s not like she HASN’T smiled across the series but normally she’s just so miserable, likely because her best friends are a grumbly asshole who forces them to hang out with a raging typhoon of bitchiness, and an insenitive asshat who she never got closure with. This is the first decent human being whose not Ramona or Hollie, and that last one’s not going to last, in a while. It’s genuinely sweet to just see her.. enjoy the moment for once, honestly engaged with someone. Ramona shows up and finally meets Lisa, who apparently was on Degrassi.. I mean she says candaian show no one ever watched, and I watched that plenty but i’d like to think she was on there for a season or two. I liked Degrassi.. I honeslty miss it and think it could use some form of revivial and think porting it to netflix was a smart decision.. what wasn’t so smart was not having the other seasons leading into it on there. Need to watch more of it. 
So the next day Ramona stumbles into Scott’s dreams and both are annoyed, with Ramona suggesting he get a job. This finally gets him to try. He asks about Wallace’s work but understandably, he dosen’t really want scott there and asks if he even knows. So Scott sets out to ask his other friends for jobs, while Knives shows up saying she’s “totally not stalking him” but someone is following HER, a mysterious spiky haired dude in a black leather jacket, shades and with a sword on his back. Whu-oh. 
He tries Second Cup, with Julie annoyed that Stephen’s recording.. it’s hard to tell if she’s annoyed because she’s a bitch or because Stephen is both gneuinely annoying right now and clearly screwing around behind her back. My take?
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But Scott realizes maybe getting a job at his Sister’s place of work who also works with his arch enemy might be stupid and backs out. He next tries Kim’s, but backs out of that too, admitting to kim it’d be stupid and Kim lists off all the reasons (His lack of resume, the fact them working together would be stresful and his ountain of late fees) why that’d be stupid, but in a jovial way. For once i’ts clear that while she’s still taking the piss out of them she isn’t mad at Scott.
In fact she genuinely helps him get a job, taking him to Stephen’s work since hers is dead right now anyway, a vegan place.  While Scott naturally compares things to a job system as he’d start as dishwasher while Stephen taught him prep, Scott agrees to genuinely take this seriously and Stephen’s boss decides “eh why not” when he asks her to employ him. Scott is gainfully employed baby! God I miss that. Seriously i’m not pimping my patreon for shits and giggles. 
But as he celebrates and Kim wishes she could punch his life in the face, they run into some trouble on the way home: Katana man who slices a motherfucking bus in half and chases them, with Scott reluctnat to fight because he has a sword and Scott does not, which is valid. He does escape though using subspace. He and Kim part awkardly and he returns home to Wallace throwing a party with two intresting charcters, a woman and a man of color, one of the few in the entire work, who are never seen again. 
The next night is practice.. or rather recording, and we start to see Neil get edged out, with him unable to come due to exams and clearly not happy about it, and Stephen just kind of ignoring anything he cares about like the dickhead he is. It dosen’t get any better as “recording” ends up just being Scott, Ramona, and Ratfaced Knacker watching bored with Joseph and Stephen work. Eventaully Scott and Ramona decide to get out of there as things are getting tensed between thing one and thing bitch, and leave.. and take Julie with them for some reason. 
So the three have dinner with Lisa, Kim, and Jason before The Mummies Curse thankfully leaves. Jason thought they were friends. 
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We also get this exchange. 
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I mean.. she is the better option. She his THE option. But before we can get the obvious answer of 
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Stephen comes in with Knives. He smuggled her in. This leads to problems when Scott returns from the bathroom to find Queen Bitch throwing a bitch fit about him having brought her and screechs at her when she dares to talk to him “How do you even know my name?” Well Ted Cruz, you see when someone is an actually thoughtful and likes other people, they keep track of things about them and don’t constnatly tear them down or assume their partneer is automatically bonking a 17 year old instead of you know, actually forming something of a friendship and not shutting her out sensing she needs this friend group. Some people are not vacous piles of vitriol who care about nothing but themself and seem to go off at the slightest thing. 
Scott takes Ramona home but finds a drunken barely awake wallace so no sexy times. Not that he could anyway as the next day is the meeting with Peter their landlord. 
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Peter reveals they’ll have to clear out by the 27th as their lease was for one year and their paid up.. as in only the first and last month. The two part melacholy knowing this sucks and isn’t a great situation. Then it’s time for Scott to work work, angelica, work work, eliza and peggy. After grueling day, can relate, he runs into  a wisp on teh wend and steels himself for a fight.. okay he bitches about it being too hot but it’s Scott. so it’s expected. He does get a hit in on his mysterious persuer.. and that’s when we meet Roxy.
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Via boob punch, something Scott’s not proud of but in his defense, as Roxy keeps complaning about it, he was blindly struggling for a hit and din’t know the next Ex, or any of them, were female.. not that Ramona didn’t suggest it loudly enough by empahsising “exes” but scott’s a bit of a fuckwit. She mentions “everyone allways remmebers you”.. which is kind of ominus and tells me she tried to hook back up with ramona despite her having a boyfriend and she rejected her. Still on good terms though. But this confusing encounter ends with Roxy vowing she’ll get him next time gadget, next time. 
So we get some assorted slice of life scenes with the band, lisa and what have you as Scott tries to get in touch with Ramona but she keeps avoiding him. THat’s not worrysome at all. And Lisa brings up high school while drunk and clearly hits on Scott. He sidesteps it with her drunkness.. but this clearly isn’t over or going to stop being a problem. 
Speaking of problems Wallace makes Scott confront the truth: He either needs to find a new place to live or commit to staying, though Wallace is trying to nudge him toward asking Ramona to move into her place. Scott starts thinking it over, it being very hard especially since, as Stephen points out this was his very first place of his own.. but Stephen also points out these things are temoporary.. right before Scott ducks from katana guy. 
At work Scott wonders who it could be, though it turns out Stephen’s met him before, as he’s brought his family in here. So he’s PROBABLY not one of the exes.. but it leaves the question why he wants to cut Scott in half like Dewey Cox’s brother. But it turns out he’s nto the only enemy Scott’s casually running into as Roxy is there too.. with Ramona. 
The two talk, clearly about Scott and Lisa with Roxy trying to convince her he’s cheating and Ramona rightfully trusting Scott: while he IS attracted to her, he’s been fighting it every step of the way. Scott storms over to find out what’s going on and while Ramona is more distracted by his new job, she eventually realizes Roxy did attack him and he simply dscribed her poorly when he mentioned the incident over the phone. Scott is confused as he dosen’t get it. Is she with one of the exes what? After some hiinting from both parties, and Roxy rightfully mocking him for not getting the obvious... he finallyg ets it in the grandest way possible. 
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So Roxy gets ready to fight and Scott can’t because sword, and gets fired in the background as he hides in Ramona’s bag and Ramona prepares to step in. Roxy screams at her for trusting him and defending him when Ramona.. just dosen’t her boyfriend to be bisected by her ex. A fight insues and a damn cool one at that. I honestly wish the movie had taken more from this, but simply didn’t have time leading it to instead be more like the envy fight with a bit of the Winfried Hailey fight from Free Scott Pilgrim. 
Roxy chases her and Ramona rightly points out Scott can’t run forever but takes him into Subspace.. where Roxy heads them off, having “taught you everything you know bitch” leading to a cool fight in the wintery version of subspace. Again why THIS wasn’t used instead I have no real idea. We also find out she’s a half ninja but she eventually leaves afer Ramona presses that button.. but Rammy is actually apologetic about it and Roxy’s “I hope you and your 24 children are happy together comment” is telling. 
Upon this readthrough of the volume.. I realized Roxy is the most layered and intresting of the exes next to Gideon himself. None of them are out and out terrible, but most of them have pretty simple motives: to kill Scott, ???, profit. Or in Todd’s case to kill scott, bang around and be a dick. But Roxy.. genuinely wants Ramona back. She’s the ONLY one who does: Gideon kinda does, but only in the sense that he wants her for his collection. But Roxy geninely still loves her, admitting so during this fight. And it’s not like she has no chance: out of the 7 exes she’s the ONLY one who parted with Ramona on anything resembling good terms. While intrestingly we don’t find out WHY they broke up, Ramona didn’t cheat on her like she did everyone else she was with. The two have coffee and hang out and Ramona geninely dosen’t even consider until Roxy tries to attack Scott that she’d really try killing him and tries her best to talk her out of it. But what holds Roxy back is her anger: She’s so bitter about the fact Ramona is bi or pan, so dedicated to viewing Ramona’s very orintation as a betryal (though Ramona calling it a phase dosen’t help and the movie RIGHTLY has Roxie comment on it and fly into a rage over it), and so driven to make sure the woman she loves dosen’t get hurt again that it blinds her to the fact Ramona dosen’t love her the same way anymore, and that while Scott is objectively a dick, and a cheater, and a greasy buttcrack pooflap, he is not a terrible person. A meh one sure, but he’s got good to him. She’s so biophobic she simply can’t see he’s a harmless moron.. well harmless to Ramona even with the cheating. He’s killed two people at this point and will kill again. Also she apparently has issues with only being a half ninja but this is never adressed. Point is Roxy’s really grown on me and is now probably my faviorite ex.  
Scott and Ramona talk it over on their way to Sneaky Dees and Scott finally asks to move in and gets a yes. His response is downright adorable. 
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So at Sneaky Dee’s Young Neil is just a bit absolutely irate with Scott.. which isn’t fair as them not playing things is entirely on the blocky face asshole. Yell at him.. which he does, pointing out that they haven’t played shows in forever, and that the lady who owns Sneaky Dees not only runs shows, in the upstairs space, but has been asking them to play. Kim is rightly curious about this and to both Stephen just keeps saying “We’re recording right now.” And some of you may of wondered why I hate him. Well while he’s not exctly stellar in the first half in the second Stephen becomes goddman insufferable, slowly destroying the band for his affair and not giving one iota of a shit what anyone else wants. He’s a selfish, egomanical cheating prick. And yes I get it their recording an album.. but doing live shows would give them extra practice, MONEY, even if likely not a lot and exposure for said album. I get professoinal bands stop touring for a bit to do an album but you are not a professional band, and said bands still often iron out the album on the road. God you suck.
But while Scott sidesteps this argument he walks into another where Ramona confronts him about lisa about liking her.. and he rightly says if there was anything, which there was not it’s in the past. And while yes he is a cheater, she does not know this yet. This plot honestly would’ve worked better if she learned about the knives thing sooner, but instead she just comes off as paranoid for listening to Roxy about something that isn’t happening. Yes Scott’s been shown to be attracted to her.. but he’s been ashamed of it, fighting it and in denial about it, and is clealry all in with Ramona. Being attracted to someone else on a phsyical level does NOT mean your relationship is doomed. 
Things get worse as he goes home to ruminate.. and instead sees a man’s Penis. And Wallace..is at his second most unsymapthetic, not letting Scott get a shirt or a bus pass or something like a decent human being for no goddamn reason. Usually when Wallace is a dick to Scott, Scott’s earned it and badly needs a slap in the face. Here he’s just being a prick because.. the plot needs him to? I dunno it dosen’t work for me. It’s in character, I just don’t have to like it. 
So with no other options.. Scott ends up at Lisa’s. And so we get the last temptation of Scott. Lisa admits, embarassed that she’s been wearing sexy dresses and what not specifically to attract him, with Scott also mentioning how things are rough, Lisa tries to fight it herself pointing out he’s with ramona.. and when Scott points out they didn’t do anything in the past Lisa points out they should’ve.. and maybe they should now. 
We fade to black as Scott ends up in a dream and finds Roxy, who naturally has the same skill and tries to Freddy Kruger him before he wakes. He finds Lisa but they didn’t do anything: Scott pushed her away and babbled about how much he loved Ramona instead. As i’ve said.... his heart was never with LIsa... and even when he was so close to giving in he couldn’t. It’s a tangible sign of growth: He screwed around on Knives with Ramona, and given how bad things were getting with Ramona, it would be oh so easy to once again ditch a relationship the minute he found something else and oh so understandable. But... he dosen’t. He loves Ramona even if he hasn’t said it, he wants to make this work, and he’s changed. She’s changed him. He’s not quite a good man yet.. bu he’s getting to be good enough. Love turned him from a skeezy dumbass into a far more loveable dumbass. Ramona’s gotten him to stop dating a teenager (even if again he cheated), face his past with envy to finally move on and now get a job. He’s realized just hwo much she means to his life and world and so he goes to tell her. 
Riggghtttt after going to get his job back and works a shift, with steven wanting to punch his life in the balls. Stephen shut the fuck up. Just because Scott is lucky and your stuck dating satan’s scrotum does not mean you get to punch his life int he balls. Kim does, because he’s put her through more shit but not you. 
He goes to second cup to talk to Stacey.. only to end up at the wrong one where Knives also now has a job... and we finally get an answer to who the mystery katana guy is...
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Yup turns out wielding giant weapons in vengance runs in the family. As for how he knows about Scott her aunt mentioned her boyfriend, everyone freaked out and obviously while her mom was mentioned as knowing in volume 1, they did not tell her dad whose brain turned into an engine of vengance and defaced the shrine. While part of it is apparnetly racisim for Scott being white the fact is he clearly saw Scott’s photograph. The guy is 5 years older. I get him being protective. Still dosen’t justify cutting off his head. His balls maybe but not his head. 
And then Scott ran, once agian finding a subspace entracne.. and this time we see inside ramona’s head and well...
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Yeah.. that’s.. kind of fucked, and Ramona isn’t happy scott saw that, though she backs down once Scott explains..a nd then gets upset over him staying at Lisa’s but before SCott can tell her he loves her it turns out Roxy stayed over. So yeah, Ramona might of cheated, she tells him to alk it off and he runs around in a psycadelic haze of emtoinal confusion. And meets.. someone new...
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Scott snaps out of his funk and ignores his doppleganger heading back for Ramona... whose fighting Mr. Chau. Scott left the door to Ramona’s head open and he followed him through Subspace. Scott lures him into the house and away from her only to run into Roxy. This leads to both of his attackers fighting and her wondering if Gideons ent him “Why does no one ever belivie in me?!” 
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She soon realize no i’ts just unrelated and calls Scotto ut on hiding behind not having a sword and behind her being a woman, caling it a flimsy excuse. I mean she’s tring to kil lhim. It’s okay to hit an enemy combatant. Scott realizes he has to stop running... and get real with ramona leading to a truly epic, romantic and heartfelt speech and given how far he’s come and just how heartfelt it is it’s a real sign of how deep he feels. Sure we’ve seen genuine chemstiry between the two.. but htis moment is a shit.. from a simple relationship.. into true love. 
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I may of only had a few but Relationships are not easy, They take work, they take time, they take patience and theyt ake love.. but if your willing to work with someone, look past some flaws and help them with the rest.. then it’s worth it. And Scott has finally realized it and for the first time in a while is running TOWARDS something difficult, actually working on this relationship and talking with his partner instead of running finding someone else or wallowing. He’s truly grown up. While he still has miles to go.. he’s taken about 50 steps forward with this. And as such given the kind of unvierse we’re in, as Ramona is genuinely touched by it he levels up a glowing sword with a heart shaped hilt coming out of his chest.. and realizing what’s happening he pulls it out....
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So Scott faces off with roxy and in an awesomly short battle, their sords clash.. and he bisects her. 
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Scott then honestly talks down Mr Chau who leaves after a nod, and Ramona tells Scott she loves him two. The two make out and all is well.
One make out fades into another, as we cut to Scott moving in with Kim and Blockhead’s help. Well kinda they only had one box but they owed him one. He and wallace comiserate over the end of their time as roomies. They’ll always be friend but it’s truly the end of an era. Also Wallace gets off another bit of dickery as he’’s very glad it all worked out for scott...
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 Now there’s the Wallace I know and love. Dickish but just the right loveable kind of douchebag with that swagger. 
Back at Knives house she’s apparenlty into somebody though who I have no idea, Mr Chau give sher his blessing and she.. apparenlty doesen’t know chinese. I dunno. As I said her subplot this go round was her weakest overall. 
And so we end with the whole gang gathered to see Lisa off. It’s a REALLY nice shot, and one of the only times Wallace is seen with the Sex Bomb omb side of the group. Oh sure he goes to their shows and what not, but generally their never in the same vincinity so while there’s no interaction I still find this neat. Seriously the whole main cast is there, it’s a really lovely shot
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Also Jason and Hollie.. who are getting awfully chummy. Whu Oh. And of course Craphole and Mouth Face are as likeable as ever. 
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So we jsut get a genuinely nice sene. Except Stephen and Julie reconciling. Fuck that. Please move on. And as everyone fondly wishes Lisa adeu and wish she stuck arond the res tof the series we end on Scott and Ramona snuggling, Scott asking her her birthday and finding out she’s 24, and they both will be come september. Scott wishes this moment could last. 
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They probperly snuggle as the volume ends on a high. 
Final Thoughts:
Yeah.. Gets it Together is, on rexamination, DEFINTELY my faviorite of the 6. Besides personal value i’ts hte best contained story, contaning lots of character development, great character moments, jokes, and EASILY the best art so far, with goregouness and creativty abounding. 
There is a problem here or there: Stephen and Julie’s subplot feels underbaked, and not just because I hates them, and there are several scenes that don’t further plot or character stuff. Ther’es also stuff that could’ve been expanded on.. but given this is still a pretty meaty graphic novel, it’s understandable why it wasn’t.. though it is why I’d love a streaming series since while the movie is excellent, a full series could expand on stuff from the books more Brian simply didn’t have time for. Knives also didn’t get a lot to do. 
But their drowned out by tons of great decisions: Lisa was a wonderful additoin to the cast and I genuinely wish she’d stuck around, adding in some energy, blending well with the Sex Bomb Omb crowd, and having great dynamics with everyone and her arc with Scott is heartbreaking,knowing she can’t have him but wanting him anyway having never gottne proper closure on the man she’s always wanted. She’s a heartbreaking character and its nice to see her end in a decent place and on good terms with Scott, having let him go for both thier sakes. 
And while Lisa is a highlight everyone is on their a game here for the most part apart from knives, girl hitler, and captain dumbass: Scott grows signfigantly but is funny as hell, Wallace has an intresting arc trying to nudge Scott out without being overt about it, scared to really confront him, Kim is in a happy and serene place for once and it shows. The villians are also intresting: While Mr Chau is a tad underbaked, he’s sitll a cool imposing presence. I do think he shoudl’ve had more to do with the plot.. but is still just so freaking cool it papers over that and him just.. disappearing after this like poor Lisa. 
Roxy is far more intresting, having clearly more going on than we see and while I wish we’d got her backstory, she’s easily the most engaging of the exes, being the only one to actively compete with Scott (All her and ramona end up doing is making out a little it turned out), and have bigger stakes than just “The glasses wearing douche asked me to beat up my exes boyfriend and I was like alright. 
All in all Gets it Together is really magical, the series high point, and just damn fun and it was a pleasure to go through
Next Month on Scott Pilgrim: It all falls down as we take a look into what once was my least faviorite Album, vs the unvierse. Two perfect assholes try and murder scott with Robutts, his relationship and band crumble and things get sad so very very sad. 
Next on this blog: More LIlo and Stitch! The Proud Family come to Kauai and get into a fight with our heroes. Also wizard kelly... who if nothing else is now far more tolerable now i’ve had to spend another volume with the wicked bitch of the west. Touche universe touche. See you at the next rainbow. 
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elspethc22 · 3 years
Text
Best Road Trip Ever
Sciles Week Day 3: Road Trip
Pairing: Scott/Stiles
Word Count: 4416
‘Come on Scott!’ Stiles yelled up the stairs, resisting the urge to tap his foot in impatience. The jeep was packed, except for Scott’s belongings, and they were meant to be on the road nearly an hour ago.
Of course, that was before Liam had called Scott in a panic about… something. Stiles had his suspicions that nothing had actually been wrong other than Liam’s fear of something happening while Scott and Stiles were gone.
‘Scotty!’ He yelled again, and was about to start up the stairs when he heard footsteps.
‘I’m coming, I’m coming. Geez, calm down.’
Scott came hurrying down the stairs, full bag slung over his shoulder and a wide grin on his face. Stiles answered it with his own grin.
‘Road trip Scotty!’ Stiles greeted with a yell when Scott reached the bottom of the stairs.
‘Road trip!!’ Scott yelled right back, still grinning. Stiles spun on his foot and headed for the front door, Scott following behind. When Scott paused to lock up the house behind him, Stiles took the bag off him, heading to the jeep to stash the bag with his right in the back.
Slightly closer to the front were the bags with snack and drinks for the drive, well the first part of the drive anyway – Stiles wasn’t under the impression this lot of snacks would last all that long with both him and Scott in the car.
Scott hopped into the passenger seat just as Stiles was sliding behind the wheel, turning the keys in the ignition and listening with a smile as Roscoe started up with no fuss.
‘It’s so weird.’ Scott said, looking at him, and Stiles raised an eyebrow in question. ‘Seeing you just start the jeep with no issues every time after so many years of having to fight to start it, and constantly having to check under the hood.’
Stiles nodded, but kept grinning. It had taken a lot of time and money, but once high school had ended, and the threats to their town and their lives had started to die down, Stiles had been able to shift his focus to getting a job and attending college. In the end both Scott and Stiles had chosen to attend the local college, allowing them to stay home and both save money on rent if they’d gone to an expensive city and been around to help out with any supernatural issues that came up.
Scott had increased his hours with Deaton and had initially poured the extra income into helping his mum with getting the house fixed up (although Argent had helped with that too – he wasn’t just handy with multiple weapons, who knew?). Stiles on the other hand had used his new found income to help first with medical bills then finally, finally getting Roscoe a proper mechanic.
Their last year of college they had both been saving for this. The road trip they had talked about for years, that they had originally planned for right after high school but had had to put on the backburner as other things took precedence (and they really lacked the funds for it). But now, four years later they both finally felt it would be safe enough for them to leave for a few weeks and were finally in a position to be able to afford to do it.
The plans for this road trip had been set mostly back when they were pre-teens but they hadn’t changed much since then. They would be gone for a little over five weeks, heading down through California stopping at first at Yosemite, then heading across to the coast to San Francisco and making their way south along the coast until they hit LA. They were spending just over a week in LA then heading into Arizona to see the grand canyon and finally hitting Vegas.
Honestly, Stiles wasn’t sure which part he was most excited about. He knew which part he was least excited about.
‘Are you sure I can’t talk you out of the whole camping in Yosemite thing?’ He asked as they got on the road out of Beacon Hills. Scott just laughed at him.
‘Come on man, it was your idea.’ He reminded Stiles, who just huffed.
‘Yeah, when I was twelve! I think I’m allowed to change my mind.’ He glanced over at Scott who was shaking his head.
‘Well, too bad. I’ve been looking forward to camping in Yosemite for the last ten years and you’re not gonna change my mind.’ Stiles grumbled under his breath, but didn’t continue arguing – he knew Scott was looking forward to being able to spend some time out in nature that wasn’t the preserve with all its history and bad memories. Stiles was also looking forward to it, just not the camping bit.
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The first night of their road trip, they realised that they had both severely underestimated how cold it would get overnight in Yosemite. Although it wasn’t really an issue for Scott, with his core temperature running higher than an average human’s since the bite, it was definitely an issue for Stiles who still, even after nearly five years after the Nogitsune, had periods of time where he struggled to get warm.
When they had first slipped into the tent and their sleeping bags, Stiles had been ok – it had been a warm day, and they spent nearly two hours exploring Yosemite before setting up camp and making their fire. But now, nearly an hour after lying down to sleep, Stiles was still awake and was starting to shiver. He’d already gotten up to pull on a second pair of socks and a jumper but to no avail.
‘Stiles?’ Stiles nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Scott’s voice – he’d been so sure he was asleep. As he rolled over, Scott flicked on one of their torches.
‘Um, yeah?’ He responded, trying to be casual about it, hoping Scott hadn’t noticed the shaking.
‘You’re freezing, aren’t you?’ Scott asked, right to the point. Stiles briefly considered lying to him, but then he knew Scott would be able to tell. Even before becoming a werewolf Scott had almost always been able to tell when Stiles was lying.
‘Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up or – ’
‘Shut up, Stiles. Ok, just unzip your sleeping bag.’ Scott told him, already crawling out of his own sleeping bag and opening it up. Stiles stared at him for a moment then moved to do the same. When he was done, Scott simply held out his hand for it, so Stiles passed it over. It took him a few tries, but eventually Scott got the sleeping bags zipped together, grinning triumphantly at Stiles, who just stared at him.
‘Come on, in you get.’ Stiles sighed and moved across to where Scott held up the sleeping bag. He crawled in quickly, and curled up on one side to leave room for Scott, who crawled in behind him then flicked the torch back off.
Stiles tried to keep himself curled up on one side of the sleeping bag, but after a few minutes and more shivering, Scott just let out a huff and slid up behind Stiles, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close.
‘Just, stop being stupid. You need to get warm, and I want to sleep so no complaining.’ Scott told him, and Stiles sighed, then let his body relax. As the shivers started to subside and Stiles felt himself start to warm, he gave in and actively snuggled back into Scott’s warmth, felt Scott tighten his hold and shift slightly to a more comfortable position.
‘Thanks Scott.’ He whispered and he swore he could feel Scott’s eye roll.
‘Any time Stiles. Get some sleep, we’ve got a lot of hiking to do tomorrow.’
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The next two nights in the tent were spent the same way – Stiles had tried to separate the sleeping bags before bed on the second night before Scott came in, took one look at the scene and just stared at Stiles until he stopped.
They both changed into their comfy sleep clothes – Stiles even left off the second pair of socks and jumper as the first night had ended with him waking up sweating from the combination of the layers and Scott’s body heat.
Again, Stiles crawled into the sleeping bag first, followed by Scott. Instead of turning the torches straight off, however, Scott left them on, poking Stiles on the shoulder till he rolled over.
‘So, we hit the giant sequoias today, you still up for Yosemite Valley in the morning?’ Scott asked, and Stiles nodded.
‘Yeah, of course. It’s really nice – reminds me of when we were really into camping back in elementary school.’ Stiles said, thinking back. Of course, most of their camping had happened in their backyards, but Stiles’ dad had taken them hiking a few times in the preserve and a few other areas just outside of Beacon Hills.
‘I love it here.’ Scott admitted. ‘It’s nice to just walk through the forest and not be waiting for something to jump out or remembering that’s where the hunters almost got me, or that’s where I was bitten.’
‘I get it. And I mean, I totally have my limits on how long I could spend out here, but it’s nice being here. I’m really glad you insisted on keeping Yosemite on the road trip.’ Stiles admitted.
‘Even with the camping?’ Scott asked teasingly, and Stiles rolled his eyes.
‘Even with the camping. It’s… not as bad as I thought it would be.’ Stiles averted his gaze as he said this, and Scott was about to shoot out a teasing remark when something about Stiles’ face had him hesitating. Stiles was rarely shy or hesitant around him – in fact, the only time Stiles wasn’t completely up front with him was if he was embarrassed by something, and that something usually had something to do with Scott himself.
The last time he’d been like this had been… when he’d admitted to Scott he was bisexual, their first year of college. Not that Scott had been completely surprised (there were only so many comments or jokes Stiles could make before Scott started thinking there was something behind them). But that hadn’t been the cause of the embarrassment – it had been the fact that he had, at one point, had a crush on Scott. Now, given Stiles’ hesitation in sharing the sleeping bags last night and again tonight…
The possibility had Scott pausing, and a fluttering sensation occurring in his stomach. Over the last year of college Scott had started to realise that he might not necessarily be quite as straight as he’d always thought, although he’d never really found a guy that did more than just catch his eye in a fleeting, he’s cute kind of way. Thinking about Stiles that way, for the first time, well that was different. That was more than a fleeting kind of feeling. But it was one that he wasn’t going to just act on rashly – more than anything, Stiles was his best friend and Scott was never going to do anything to put that in jeopardy, so this would take some consideration.
‘Well I’m glad that my need to – how did you put it? Commune with nature? – isn’t ruining the road trip for you.’ He said softly, giving Stiles a small smile when he finally looked back up. Stiles smiled in return, and rolled his eyes.
‘Yeah, yeah. I still say that you’ll be agreeing with me when we hit San Francisco and a real bed in a nice, warm hotel with indoor plumbing and a roof.’ Stiles told him, and Scott laughed.
‘Big baby.’ Scott teased and Stiles huffed and rolled over to show Scott his back. Scott just laughed, reached out to flick off the torches then settled in, reaching out an arm to wrap around Stiles’ waist and pulling him in close to keep him warm.
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Two days later, they reached San Francisco in the early afternoon and Stiles was incredibly thankful he’d had Roscoe fixed up properly because the Roscoe of high school would neverhave survived the hills.
‘So, it’s too early to check in to the hotel, and we’re booked for Alcatraz tomorrow, any preference for what we do today?’ Stiles asked as he tried to navigate his way into the city.
‘Let’s go see the Golden Gate Bridge and the Presidio.’ Scott said, looking at their list of places on his phone. He knew that Stiles was desperate to see the Yoda fountain and the other Star Wars stuff that was supposed to be in the nearby building, plus it was a great day for seeing the bridge weather wise.
‘You sure?’ Stiles asked, but Scott could already see that he was practically vibrating with excitement. Their top two places to visit – Alcatraz and the Presidio – were Stiles’ choices and after Yosemite Scott was more than willing to let Stiles lead this part of the trip.
‘Yeah. Come on, I’m sure you like memorised the best way to get there and where to park so let’s go.’ Stiles shot him a grin, double checked what street they were on and, as he continued to drive, started humming the Star Wars theme under his breath. Scott rolled his eyes at the lack of subtlety but smiled.
When they finally made it to the Presidio, the first thing they did, of course, was head straight for the Yoda fountain, Stiles practically dragging Scott along in his enthusiasm.
‘Oh my god Scott!! There it is, look at it.’ Scott tried to hide his wince at the high pitched tone of Stiles’ voice caused by his excitement.
‘It sure is buddy.’ He responded.
‘Ok, can you try to show at least a little more enthusiasm and respect for the awesomeness that is the Yoda fountain?’ Stiles asked, giving Scott a small glare. ‘I know you fail to appreciate the amazing work of George Lucas and the brilliance of this franchise but I will not have you disrespecting Yoda like that.’
‘Woah, ok calm down. No disrespect, I promise. Hey, you’re getting a photo with the fountain right?’ Scott asked and smiled when the diversion tactic worked. Stiles nodded and as soon as a family moved away from the fountain he bounded over, turning to face Scott with a massive grin on his face. Scott took a couple of photos, and was about to put his phone away when Stiles held out his hand to stop him.
‘Excuse me, do you mind taking a photo of us?’ He asked a couple who looked to be waiting to take photos themselves. The girl nodded and Stiles smiled, gesturing for Scott to hand over the phone, then come and stand next to him.
‘Come on Scotty, I know you don’t care but I need proof you were here too. Kira will never believe me.’ Stiles told him and Scott just shook his head, handing over his phone and making his way over to Stiles.
Stiles threw his arm around his shoulder, shuffling them when the girl indicated they were in front of the fountain. Scott just let Stiles move him around, grinning at him the whole time.
‘You two make a really cute couple.’ The girl told him when she handed back his phone. Scott felt a blush rise up his cheeks and he shifted his gaze quickly over towards Stiles to see if he’d heard. Stiles and her boyfriend were currently standing at the fountain geeking out at it, and Stiles seemed completely oblivious to the comment.
‘Uh, thanks. And thanks for the photos.’ He said, and she just smiled at him, giving him a nod.
‘Sally! Come on, our turn!’ Scott and the girl turned at the voice, and Scott saw Sally’s boyfriend gesturing for her as Stiles made his way over to Scott. He held out a phone to Scott who took it with a questioning look.
‘I told Jake we’d take their photos for them, but you’re usually better so you do it.’ Stiles said with a shrug, so Scott pocketed his phone and then took their photos for them.
Once they were done, Scott handed back the camera and after another round of thanks they went their separate ways. As they walked, Stiles chatting on about Star Wars trivia and the fountain, Scott wondered why he hadn’t corrected Sally when she’d referred to them as a couple. When she’d said it, he’d had a fleeting moment of panic then a warm feeling in his chest. He looked over at Stiles who was waving his hands as he spoke and Scott reached out to pull Stiles close to him just before he walked into a bench.
‘What… oh, thanks dude.’ Stiles said, smiling at Scott before continuing his one-sided discussion. Scott continued listening as they walked, keeping his eye on their path and
occasionally reaching out to steer Stiles out of the way of obstacles until they reached the area of the Presidio that provided them with an amazing view of the Golden Gate Bridge.
He wanted to talk to Stiles about the assumption the girl had made, the moment in the tent the other night, but he needed to sort through his own feelings and thoughts first to make sure he wouldn’t end up doing something that hurt Stiles or damaged their friendship.
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Nearly a week later the boys were once again on the road, heading down the coast towards LA. They had spent three days exploring San Francisco, followed by a couple of lazy days in a small coastal town with nice beaches. Scott had had a great time in San Francisco, mostly just letting Stiles take the lead, letting his happiness and enthusiasm buoy Scott’s spirits. And the beach had been amazing – it was a quiet town without many tourists so the boys had been able to enjoy the beach without have to fight with crowds of people.
His thoughts kept slipping back to Sally’s comment and thoughts of him and Stiles however, and now that they were in the car, just the two of them for a few hours, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop Stiles from noticing something was up.
Sure enough, nearly an hour into the drive, Stiles pulled over to a rest stop, turned off the engine and shifted to look at Scott.
‘Ok, what’s up?’ Stiles asked, straight to the point.
‘What do you mean?’ Scott asked trying to deflect – from the narrowing of Stiles’ eyes it didn’t work.
‘You’ve been acting weird since the day we got to San Francisco. I figured you’d talk when you were ready but it’s been like three days already so what gives?’
‘I… you know in freshman year of college, when you told me you were bi?’ Scott started, watched as Stiles’ face became wary. He nodded slowly.
‘Yeah.’
‘Well… The second night in the tent in Yosemite I was thinking about that, when you said you… that you had feelings for me at some point – ’
‘Yeah, but you know that I wasn’t like faking being cold or anything to just get you to share – ’
‘No, Stiles of course I know that! That’s not what I meant. I mean – ’ Scott cut himself off, took a deep breath and then let it out. ‘Ok. So, that night I wasn’t thinking about what you’d told me in a bad way, I was thinking about it like, like I was thinkingabout it. And then when we were at the fountain, the Yoda fountain, that girl, Sally, she told me we were a cute couple and I couldn’t – I couldn’t stop thinking about it.’
‘Couldn’t stop thinking about…’ Stiles trailed off, looking at him.
‘About us. As a couple.’ They sat in silence for nearly two minutes after that statement, just staring at each other.
‘And what have you been thinking? I mean, Scott, you’re straight. Aren’t you? ’
‘I don’t… I don’t think so. I mean, I’ve never been really attracted to a guy before but I’m starting to think that’s because I was looking in the wrong places.’ Scott said softly.
‘And now?’ Stiles asked, just as soft.
‘Now, I know I’m definitely not one hundred percent straight. There’s one guy in particular that’s finally caught my eye and I think… I think it’s taken me long enough to realise it.’ Scott told him, and after a moment’s hesitation, he reached out a hand to Stiles.
Stiles looked at it, then back up at Scott and after his own momentary hesitation he reached out with his own hand to take it.
‘Are you… are you serious about this, Scott? Cause I can’t – ’
‘That’s why I’ve been, how did you put it? Weird. I’ve been thinking about it, just trying to make sure that what I was feeling was real, that I was really sure about it before I said anything.’ Scott told him, giving his hand a squeeze.
‘So are you? Sure?’ Stiles asked, sounding like he was afraid to hear the answer. Scott looked down at their joined hands, thought for a moment and then looked back up.
‘Yeah, yeah I am sure. I want this Stiles. Us. And I’m sorry if it’s – ’ Whatever Scott was about to say was cut off as Stiles leant across the centre console and pressed his lips against Scott’s.
Scott was shocked for about five seconds, then responded. And he had to admit, there may have been a tiny bit of him still in doubt before, but now, kissing Stiles – he knew this is what he wanted. Nothing had felt this right, and no kiss had ever gone straight to his head (or other areas) like that.
When Stiles pulled back, Scott just smiled at him.
‘Still one hundred percent sure.’ Scott told him, and Stiles grinned back.
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Four days later they stood in the middle of a crowd, looking for the most likely suspect to take their photo for them. Then, Stiles spotted someone.
‘Oh my god, Jake!’ He called out, waving his hand in the air frantically and Scott looked around, laughing when he spotted Sally and Jake.
‘Stiles?’ Jake called out, pulling Sally in their direction. ‘Man, what are the chances?’
‘I know, right? Man I can’t believe the star wars area isn’t open yet, it’s gonna be so cool! But we did Star Tours and the Jedi Training – I wish Space Mountain was still themed’ Stiles said, and Scott smiled and rolled his eyes, catching Sally’s eye and laughing with her.
‘Well this could take a while.’ She said, nodding at their boyfriends – and wow, that was amazing to think.
‘Yeah. Stiles is still not over the fact that I didn’t find the movies as amazing as he does when he finally got me to sit down at watch them.’
‘Jake’s the same – I honestly did wonder early on if Jake was going to break it off with me because of it.’
‘Stiles has threatened to end our friendship I don’t even know how many times because of Star Wars.’
‘Your friendship? I thought you two – oh my god, I’m sorry!’ Sally said, looking horrified and Scott laughed.
‘No, no – I mean, when you said we were a cute couple last week at the Presidio, we weren’t, but now – actually, if you hadn’t said that we might not have talked about it so, thank you.’ Scott told her, and she looked at him, puzzled, then smiled.
‘Wow. I mean, you’re welcome? You really do make a cute couple.’ She repeated.
‘We do, don’t we?’ Stiles said, coming up behind them with Jake, nearly making Sally jump in surprise. ‘Scotty, guess what? Jake said a cast member told him Chewbacca is gonna be out for a meet and greet in like an hour, we have to go. Oh, and they’re going to comic con too!’
Scott grinned at his boyfriend, then shared a smile of exasperated fondness with Sally. The rest of their day was spent with Sally and Jake – after their obligatory couple shots in front of the castle, and a group shot once Sally spotted a nice looking lady who agreed to take some photos for them all.
After the evening fireworks, they went their separate ways as they headed back to their hotels, promising to meet up at comic con in a few days since Sally and Jake were on their last day at Disneyland.
Scott and Stiles walked back up to their hotel – it was about a twenty minute walk, but Scott enjoyed it, semi-quiet after the noise of Disneyland all day.
‘I can’t believe we just ran into them again like that.’ Stiles commented, leaning his head on Scott’s shoulder for a second as they walked.
‘Yeah, it was pretty unlikely. But hey, you got to talk Star Wars with Jake, and we’ll see them again in a few days. And I was talking to Sally – I thanked her.’ Scott said, and Stiles looked at him.
‘Thanked her?’ He asked, and Scott nodded.
‘Yeah. If it wasn’t for her mistaking us for a couple, I might have let things go as just me being, I don’t know, caught up in the moment – I wouldn’t have been overthinking things and you wouldn’t have pushed me to talk. I mean, it still might have happened eventually, but her comment is why it happened now. So…’
‘So, you thanked her.’ Stiles repeated, and Scott nodded again. ‘I’m really glad she called us a couple then.’
‘Me too.’ Scott said, then pulled Stiles in for a kiss. He wondered if the amazed feeling he got from doing that would ever wear off – he hoped it wouldn’t.
***************************************************************************
A few weeks later, they were headed home. They’d seen Alcatraz, Disneyland, the Hollywood sign, the Grand Canyon, the strip in Vegas and still – when people asked them what the best part of the trip was, their favourite spot they both answered with ‘I-5, heading south.’
It got them some strange looks, but they would just share a look and smile. And when asked about how the road trip went, they would sometimes give lots of details about what they did, who they met, what they saw.
But most often? They would just smile and say ‘best road trip ever.’
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avengerscompound · 3 years
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Until the End of the World - 16
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Until the End of the World: A Captain America Fanfic
Masterlist PREVIOUS //
Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader
Word Count:  1645
Rating:  E
Warnings: Angst and PTSD
Synopsis: Four years after Steve and Bucky got to the bottom of the HYDRA conspiracy that had led to you and your son being hunted for the first three years of his life, you, Bucky, and Steve have carved out a nice life together.  Things are calm and you feel like a family unit.  When Geo starts calling Bucky and Steve ‘dad’, a decision is made to try and add to your family.
Things aren’t as calm as they seem.  When your pregnancy hits the papers, HYDRA rears its head once again, and Steve and Bucky need to track you down to protect the family they had created.
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Chapter 16
Bucky was beginning to feel hopeless.  Steve’s orders to Sam and Tony about looking for a cloaked van, had come to nothing.  Every van, small truck, and bus that Sam and Tony had scanned had shown nothing suspicious.  All the roadblocks they had set up came to nothing.  No cars coming in or out of the city were carrying either you or Geo.  You, Geo, and whoever it was that had snatched you had just vanished.
It was clear from the people that had been arrested at the scene that HYDRA was back.  Not that Bucky had been surprised.  He’d been in that organization for decades, it would take more than a raid on some drug factories to flush them out.  Unfortunately, the HYDRA agents that had been taken captive had mostly activated their cyanide pills, and those that hadn’t weren’t talking because they were much more concerned by what Viper would do to them than about any of the Avengers.  Steve and Bucky had both been banned from questioning any of them because of how close they were to the issue and Bucky wished Steve would do something to force them to be allowed.  Bucky understood HYDRA and he knew HYDRA understood him.  He’d only need twenty minutes and he knew he’d be able to get one of them singing like a bird.
Bucky had no idea what could have happened to you though.  Three options seemed most likely but he had no way of checking without breaking his orders and if he did that, it could mean the government would step in and have him arrested too, because if the Avengers can’t keep the Winter Soldier in line, then he was still a threat.  Yet, every minute that ticked by where you and Geo were still missing, he felt closer to just breaking orders anyway.   He knew HYDRA - and the way he figured you had either been moved off the island by helicopter or boat, you were being kept somewhere in the city with a private garage, or you’d been taken underground.
The worst part was Steve was ignoring him.  The pain Bucky felt from that was almost physical.  Like something had been torn out from his chest.  He wanted something - anything - to help him deal with this loss.  Comfort from his best friend and lover.  Orders to go follow through on.  Permission to question the prisoners or to look into his own leads.  Anything to make him feel less alone and useless.
He spent the night and most of the morning in the apartment waiting for Steve to come home or send for him.  He’d ask FRIDAY to make sure Steve knew he was waiting for orders and that he wanted to help.  He even called up Hill and asked her if there was anything he could do - and nothing.  All he was getting was dead air.  By lunch, he went to speak to his therapist.  He’d been listened to and in the end told that if he wanted to do something, he should go and confront Steve.  So he went straight up to the command room and stalked inside.
Tony was moving from one computer screen to another moving things around and tapping away on the keyboards.  Steve looked up when Bucky came in but his attention went straight back to the file he was looking at.
“Tony,” Steve said, without acknowledging Bucky.  “Can you do a scan on the city, see if there are any suspicious underground structures?   Maybe if we compare it to a public works map…?”
“You’ve got it, Cap,” Tony said and typed something into the computer.   “Will need to do a couple of adjustments on the Legion, but it shouldn’t take me too long.”
When Steve continued to ignore him, Bucky stalked over and leaned against the desk beside Steve, folding his arms over his chest.  The lights flickered in the building and Tony looked up.  “FRIDAY, what was that?”
“Brief power surge from outside,” the AI replied.  “I apologize, sir.”
“Just… don’t let it happen again,” Tony said.
“You just gonna ignore me?”  Bucky asked.
Steve sighed and looked up.  “I’m sorry,” he said.  “It’s not you…”
“Yeah?”  Bucky said.  “Kinda feels like it’s me.”
Steve stood up.  “Let me know if anything pops up,” he said to Tony.
Tony looked up for a second.  “About time you took a break,” he said.  “Go on, I’ll keep watch.”
“Thanks, Tony,” Steve said and nodded to the elevator.  “Let’s talk.”
Bucky followed Steve to the elevator and leaned against the back wall.  “I lost them too, you know?”  He growled.
“I know,” Steve said, his eyes dropping to the floor.
“So what?  I gotta lose you too?”
The electricity flicked again and the elevator stuttered.  Bucky instantly went on edge, his mind immediately going to an attack.  Steve looked up and furrowed his brow.
“Sorry, Captain Rogers,” FRIDAY said, quickly. “We don’t use the city’s power supply, but we’re linked into it and feed excess power to the grid.  There seem to be intermittent surges from an outside source that are affecting our supply.  I’m working on a fix.”
“Thank you, FRIDAY,” Steve said and turned his attention back to Bucky.  “This is my fault.  We’ve lost her because I became complacent.”
The doors slid open onto their floor and Bucky followed Steve down the hall to their apartment.  Steve hadn’t been back since you were taken and Bucky noticed his eyes lingered on the coffee table where Geo’s Lego was still laying out.  Bucky could picture what was going on in Steve’s head because he’d been thinking the same thing all day.  ‘What were the chances that you and Geo were still alive if all they needed from you was your DNA?’
“So what?  I don’t even get to help?”  Bucky asked.  It snapped Steve’s attention back to him and he shook his head like he was trying to clear it.
“I just feel so guilty,” Steve said, making his way to the coffee machine and starting to fix a pot of coffee.  “You should hate me.”
Bucky frowned and stepped up behind Steve.  He wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist, gripping his hip with his flesh hand making sure his forearm pressed along Steve’s stomach.  The metal hand he pushed against Steve’s chest, holding him tightly.  “This isn’t your fault.  It’s Viper’s fault.  We both thought she was safe.  Even she thought she was safe.  Stop punishing yourself,” Bucky whispered, his lips brushing against Steve’s ear as he spoke.  “But more importantly, stop punishing me.”
Steve turned and looked at Bucky.  “I’m sorry… I’m not…”
“You think you’re blaming yourself?”  Bucky interrupted.  “I’ve been willing something like this to happen since we first got together and every new good thing that happened I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I never thought I’d get to have this and I was waiting for the rest of you to be punished since I got here.  And now they’ve been taken - by the very people who had me and used me as their own personal soldier toy.  I know… logically that what’s going on has nothing to do with what happened to me - but Steve - I also know that it’s everything to do with what happened to me.”
Steve frowned and took Bucky’s hand.  “Buck…”
Bucky pulled his hand away and shook his head.  “And since we got back, you’ve been avoiding me so now I have absolutely no doubt it has to do with me.  Because if it wasn’t my fault you’d have asked me to help.  So I’ve been sitting here, hoping that you’ll at least give me something to do because you’re sure as hell not going to tell me it’s not my fault or lean on me for support when I’m to blame.  And then when you wouldn’t even use me as a weapon - when I know HYDRA better than anyone else - I went to therapy.  The therapist told me to come to you and tell you how I felt.  So here I am, Steve.  I know this is my fault even if it isn’t and I need you to use me.”
“I’m sorry, Buck,” Steve said and pulled Bucky close, wrapping him in his arms and holding him.  “I’m sorry.  I should have at least kept you in the loop.  I am so afraid right now, and I never feel like that.  I am always so sure about every choice I make and I’m terrified and I feel useless.”
Bucky nuzzled into Steve’s neck and held him too.  “I wanna help,” Bucky said.  “Let me go interrogate someone.  I know how they work.”
Steve nodded.  “I think it’s about time we both go make that happen.  I warned Viper of what would happen if she threatened my family.”
Bucky let out a soft puff of air against Steve’s neck.  Almost a laugh but not quite and coming from a place of relief more than humor.  “Well... we better make good on our word.”
Bucky very slowly pulled back, as he did, Steve leaned in and kissed him.  Bucky flinched at first, not quite expecting it, but soon melted into the kiss, first matching the tender caress of Steve’s lips and then tilting his head and deepening it.  There was something to the kiss that wasn’t usually there.  A need that had nothing to do with sex or passion, and everything to do with a need for affection and support.
The lights flickered again and then seemed to flash, first three long times on and off, then three short, and three long again.
Steve and Bucky both pulled apart quickly and looked up.  “FRIDAY?  Was that…?”  Steve asked.
“Sir,” FRIDAY replied, sounding very uncertain for the AI that usually knew everything.  “I think… I think Geo is sending us a message.”
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