#wait just ‘’getting away from mom’’ wouldve made more sense

[vaugarde]

how the hell did serena pass ash so easily

#did she go to lumiose by car?? ash is still on the route before #ok sorry but thinking abt how much smoother this wouldve been if serena was just there from episode 1. yeah the rhyhorn plot would have to b #would have to be tweaked but tbh i find that really obnoxious anyways so i wouldnt really mind if that got moved #echoed voice #pokeani lb #i think a protag chasing ash for a bit before joining him is interesting and i like these moments of her on her own actually #but man do i wish she just…. had a fennekin from the get go or was already in lumiose to get her first pokemon #plus if shes taking the players place why not have her move there and have a fresh start alongside ash? #its not bad that shes not exactly like the game counterpart bc none of them are. hell may didnt actually move to hoenn at the start #but she was still good when she started off. w serena tho i feel like it really wouldve helped her bond w ash #give them common ground. maybe establish that she had to move all the time which is how they knew each other in kanto #idk just. dont go ‘’oh she became a trainer for a boy on a whim’’ cmon now #theyre both unfamiliar with the territory and serena wants to sightsee or get away from her mom #wait just ‘’getting away from mom’’ wouldve made more sense

[blxetsi]

armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren yaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #eren yeager headcanons #mikasa ackerman headcanons #mikasa ackerman x reader #armin arlert headcanons #armin arlert x reader #armin attack on titan #mikasa x reader #attack on titan mikasa #eren x armin #eren x mikasa #mikasa x eren #mikasa x armin #armin x eren #armin x mikasa #eren x mikasa x armin #eren x mikasa x armin x reader #polyamory #polyamourous #polyamorous #poly!aot

[iridescentides]

okay. hsmtmts episode 3 thoughts under the cut

YES i always start with gina, and what about it??? i would die for her. anyway im CRYING over how she thought her mom forgot about her like? youve been gone for like 2 months, literally what parent would stop caring that quick? she doesnt think she deserves love like literally most of the time and my heart is ACHING

i came into this episode knowing the chocolates would be a bait and switch bc the preview 100% wanted us to think it was ricky. and yet i still caught myself believing he did it for a second there. i was looking forward to some good rina content this episode and i cant believe i let myself get bamboozled. like the conversation was nice but completely one-sided, and he ignored her to call nini; i get that hes literally in a relationship but im not a huge fan of how he just stopped giving a shit about gina once it wasnt romantic anymore? like,, they couldnt even stay friends?

generally my thing about rina isnt that i think its some big spectacular ship, but moreso that i always go for ships that make my favorite character the happiest. so most of my rina shipping comes from seeing how ricky was the first person that gina was so happy and open with, and how she trusts him even though she trusts literally no one ever and she just self-discloses around him unprompted. the infatuation and crush part on gina’s side is the part i like. but ricky? annoying n flaky as shit

random offshoot but i wouldve loved to see the chocolates come from ej. it wouldnt have made sense just based on the episode we were given, but what if gina and ricky had had that conversation in the hallway and ej overheard them and wanted to do something nice for her since he didnt have a gf to buy stuff for this year? could you IMAGINE? i know im gonna be complaining about how theyre throwing ej away all season but like seriously @ writers we get it youre getting rid of ej in s3. no need to cut him almost completely out of the show in s2. please someone give my man some PLOT im dying

ashlyn telling gina “i wish i could give you a valentine” is simultaneously gay and reeking of straight people nonsense. you can give your friends gifts on valentines day??? i didnt receive a romantic valentines gift until i was 17 years old but i still got stuff from friends every year? umm

speaking of ashlyn i get the track that theyre trying to go on by making it seem groundbreaking that a disney princess role went to someone whos not a size 2 but like. shes still a white woman and im tired. plus theyre dancing around it anyway. if you wanna give her body image issues then just fucking commit. half assing that conversation helps no one.

redlyn was very cute this episode. im still annoyed that theyre getting so much time and focus this season but like. i am a big red stan. the song in the credits was cute too

speaking of, tell me why they literally crammed all the songs at the end of this episode??? i was honestly thinking they wouldnt have any songs this week, thats how long it took

kourtneys beauty and the beast was pretty. also i know theyre gonna make howie her love interest bc clearly if a boy and girl on tv interact for more than 2 seconds it has to turn romantic. im pre-annoyed. 

the ricky/nini plot didnt make a ton of sense bc... why didnt ricky just... hang out with her in the waiting room at the hospital? i am very confused as to why they had to make it so angsty and tropey like. youre literally in the same city and theres an easy solution here

im wondering if theyre gonna try to make miss jenn and mr mazzara a thing? im on the fence about how i feel about that tho. but i am annoyed that they didnt show miss jenns conversation with rickys dad at all

theyre making carlos so annoying this season, like idk whats going on or why they thought they needed to phone it in with his characterization this time around but like. what even was this seblos plot?

kourtney and seb conversations are always cute so i loved the piano scene

back to kourtney for a sec: why would big reds parents hire her as manager? why are they picking inexperienced teenagers for leadership roles? if nothing else, if howie has been around forever, why wouldnt they just promote him to manager??? instead of someone who has no idea how their pizza shop works like. i get that theyre trying to #girlboss kourtney this season, but was getting a job not enough growth and independence?

overall my biggest Gripe™ with this episode is that there wasnt enough gina or ej. and i get that its a big cast and not everyone can be the focus every time but literally when did redlyn become such a big priority to the writers? why are they getting so much screentime? i dont hate them or anything but like, i thought the main main characters were supposed to be nini, ricky, gina, and ej. so why is one of them getting like,, two lines per episode? im really out here picking up little ej crumbs like they wasted SO much potential with him as a character

#tldr we all know im a gina and ej stan first and a person second #so this was uhh not one of my favorite episodes #had some cute moments tho #hsmtmts lb #hsmtmts spoilers #txt #waffle words of wisdom

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 2

It was an unusually hot day, so i pulled out Mason's kiddy pool and filled it for him to cool off in. I was sat on one of the sun loungers close by reading my book where i could still keep an eye on him.

"Mom?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Is auntie Hannah coming round soon with Lucas? Im bored"

"They should be here soon buddy" i smiled over at him.

"Okay.... im hungry"

"Fine.... i'll go get you something but you have to come out the water while i'm inside...."

"Oh mom i dont wanna get out...."

"Mace come on now...." i rolled my eyes putting my book down.

"Knock knock" i heard a very familiar voice call out from behind, i turned and stared wide eyed at none other than Scott Evans!!

"Scott.... what... what are you doing here?" I asked standing up and walking over to the back gate to let him in.

"Chris told me where you were, i had to come see you! I've missed you! You stopped replying to my messages and wouldn't take my calls...."

"Yeah i'm sorry Scott, that was a dick move" i nodded, I had been friends with the Evan's since we were kids.... best friends with Chris and Scott "i was dealing with some stuff.... guess i didn't handle it well"

"I can see that" he said looking over at Mason who was sat in the pool with his back to us as he crashed some toys around "he yours?"

"He is, thats Mason"

"Well you gonna introduce me properly??" He asked being his usual sassy self!

"Sure, come on over" i led the way over to where Mason was playing feeling my heart racing, i hadn't been this nervous in forever!

"Hey Mace? I want you to meet a friend of mine...."

Mason turned to face us and i heard Scott audibly gasp.

"This is my friend Scott"

"Hi" he said shyly looking Scott over.

"Hey bud, its nice to meet you...." Scott smiled at Mason before turning his attention to me with wide eyes as Mason carried on playing as if we wasn't there.

"Is there something you need to tell me Y/N?....."

I looked away from Scott keeping my eyes on my son, i shook my head in disbelief..... i did not expect to be having this conversation today!

"You know his a spitting image...."

"I know Scott! Im not blind" i snapped.

"But how?? I mean i know how! But...."

"Hey! Its just us...." i heard Hannah call from inside, she always let herself in.

"Hey.... oh shit"

"Hey Hannah, good to see you" Scott smiled with a little wave.

"Scott..... what a surprise..."

"Han, can you watch Mason while i go inside and talk to Scott?" I asked as i shifted nervously on the spot.

"Sure".

"Hi auntie Y/N!" Lucas said loudly as he ran past me heading to Mason.

"Hey buddy" i smiled at him as i led the way into the house with Scott following close behind.

"Okay so spill it" Scott said breaking the awkward silence between us as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table.

"What do you already know? What did Chris tell you about us?...." i asked avoiding eye contact with him.

"Well obviously i know the two of you used to hook up occasionally.... he said he just lost contact with you when you left town"

"Wow....." i scoffed shaking my head "is your brother still an asshole?"

"Why are you calling him an asshole? I thought you guys were friends??"

"We were. Then we were more.....or at least i thought so"

"You two were serious?"

"I guess not"

"He never said anything...."

"Before he made it 'big' with the whole Captain America thing we were serious"

"How serious?"

"Serious enough to get married....."

"Im sorry WHAT???!!"

"Yep"

"How did i not know about this??? when did this happen??" he stared at me with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open as he tried to process the information.

"You remember the weekend in Vegas for my birthday, before he started filming Winter Soldier?....that one night you got food poisoning and stayed in bed..."

"You got married in Vegas?! were you both drunk??"

"Nope, stone cold sober" i shrugged "god i loved him Scott.... he was telling me he loved me and talking about starting a family..... we walked past a chapel and he asked me to marry him. Promised we'd do it properly when we got home...."

"My god...... so what happened?"

"Chris wanted to wait until he finished filming to tell everyone.... or so he said. When he came home once he was done filming he told me we had made a mistake. His career was taking off and he wouldn't have time for a wife..... he was getting a lot of attention from women, he didn't want to be tied down with me did he?"

"Did he say that?!"

"He didn't have to, he was pictured with different women all the time" i shrugged.

"What an asshole!" Scott spat sounding pissed at his brother "how could he do that to you of all people??"

I shook my head as i thought back on the time i was heartbroken.... pining for my best friend... my husband, and he had so easily forgotten about me, i quickly wiped a stray tear away before Scott could see.

"I found out i was pregnant two weeks later. I tried calling him but he never answered or returned my messages..... so i made a choice. I decided to pack up and leave, start somewhere new where i could raise my baby. I received divorce papers shortly after which i signed and returned, i didnt want anything to do with him"

"You should have called me! I wouldve talked some sense into him!"

"He didn't want me Scott let alone a baby.... he made his choice and i made mine" i smiled looking out the window at my beautiful boy "i dont regret it for a second, Mason is my world. He's my perfect little boy.... even if he does look like a spitting image of his father. Thats the hardest part.... its the eyes.... he has his eyes".

Scott was suddenly beside me pulling me into his arms and holding me tight.

"Im so sorry sweetie"

"Its fine.... it was a long time ago.... when Chris showed up here yesterday i nearly had a heart attack!" I mumbled against Scotts chest.

"I bet.... why was he here?"

"Apparently we're still married! That jackass never filed the papers! But now he's seeing someone and its getting serious he wants the option of marrying her"

"You should tell him about Mason....."

"I can't Scott, he'd hate me.... what if he tried to take Mason from me?"

"He wouldn't do that, he might want a chance to get to know his son but he wouldn't hurt you like that....."

"Can you be sure? 100% sure that he wouldn't want to take Mason?? I've seen some of his interviews about wanting kids...."

"Don't you want Mason to know his father?"

"Of course! You dont think i wanted my son to have a dad? I tried to tell him Scott but he ghosted me!"

"Look i love my brother you know that, i know what he was like a few years back, he went through a phase of being an absolute douche bag..... but his different now"

"I'll think about it okay?"

"Okay..... i'll be there for you through it all i promise"

"Thank you Scotty, god I've missed you" i smiled giving him another hug "you staying for lunch? Mason's hungry"

"Id love to".

Scotts POV

Y/N stood at the front door waving me off with Mason, my NEPHEW! I still couldn't believe it.... Chris was a Father!!

I waved to them both as i pulled away and started my drive home. 20 minutes into my journey my cell started to ring, i looked down to see it was Chris calling.

"Hey"

"Hey, what you up to?"

"Just on my way home, i went to go see Y/N"

"Oh.... h..how was she?"

"Surprised to see me, but she was good"

"Good, thats good. What did she tell you?" He sounded worried, nervous even.

"I know everything...." i huffed out a breath "how could you be so fucking stupid Chris?? you married our best friend.... our oldest friend and then left her!"

"I was such an asshole back then.... i know, but i can't change that now can i?"

"No i guess not"

"It was so good seeing her yesterday man, made me realise how much I've missed her. I was hoping we could work things out, be friends at least but.... Scott she fucking hates me!"

"Can't say i blame her....."

"Im not that guy anymore Scott" he said sadly and i knew that, id seen the change in my brother over the years.

"Try and talk to her again, maybe she just needed to get over the shock of seeing you"

"You think she'd wanna see me?"

"I have no clue, but if you want to sort things out with her your going to have to make an effort with her. Let her see your not the same asshole that left her"

"Maybe i should just leave her alone, she's been fine without me...."

"Chris..... i wasn't going to say anything but theres something you should know...."

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 (it wont tag you) @katiew1973 @denisemarieangelina

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris x reader #reader insert #steve rogers #captain america #ocean eyes

[i-have-feelings-bitch]

some thoughts on ÉLITE s4 immediately after finishing it

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD, obviously

so. i have some thoughts.

i really disliked how they kept on piling up problem upon problem and i’ve seen that a couple dozen times by now and it always ends the same - nothing gets solved. Not really, anyway. The solution usually is; another problem happens, but its bigger and far more important and severe than all of the other ones combined and it overshadows everything that had happened before.

on that note, and to be fair, this is a teen’s drama show. So i don’t mind it, just to be clear here. i enjoyed the heck out of this season, right now, it’s my favorite season of all. That might change later, as all of this still is so new and fresh and exciting so my mind naturally snaps onto it.

first things first; Omander went just like i predicted - they broke up just so they could get back together eventually, after some hardcore drama. (i cried anyway. a lot.)

there’s one character i liked throughout the whole season. no, wait, two actually. first is rebeka. i feel like her decisions made sense. i liked her story arch a lot. the second one is azucena. what a queen.

.........guzman has a really bad temper. always had and probably always will. (to the samu/guzman/ari drama; why couldnt they have a pretty threesome, ari was quite obviously polyamorous (but i guess nobody has ever heard of that lol) and samuel and guzman almost fucked any second anyways so what exactly was their problem)

surprisingly enough, i liked Patrick in a lot of moments, about 50%. i absolutely despised him in the other 50%. tbh im really not sure about his character like with him, i don’t see any reasoning or goal or whatsoever. i have no clue what he wants to achieve?? guess he just wants to be gay and fuck around and honestly? fair enough

Mencia. Oh, Mencia. i liked her a lot from the get go and i still think her character is cool as shit, but there were quite some moments when i wouldve loved to smack her across the face. i also cried a lot when it came to Mencia/Rebeka. when Samu said “Fuck, you two are cute”? i felt that. i very much cringed at the chocolate scene, but to each their own i guess.

Ari; about 95% of the season disliked her. i didn’t hate her, but she was like a knockoff version of Lu? listen, i know i’m being biased here and it’s very unfair towards her, but to me, it just felt like she always tried to be the mean girl but never really succeeded. my opinion of her skyrocketed in the last few minutes of the last episode, though. we love some good sibling care in this house. not like it had been like that in the beginning, mind you.

i. fucking. hated. Benjamin. like the whole time. i think there was legit one single moment when i thought like “okay hold on that was the first (and last) good move you made this whole season” and it was when he offered Mencia to listen to her anytime she wanted or needed to. otherwise. fuck him. his attitude, his way of talking, his way of acting, fucking everything. (in the very last scene, when he destroyed the table? like yeah, i get that you’re emotional and angry and shit but my dude, your youngest daughter just told you she basically got r*ped on a daily basis by the guy *you* invited to your house because you only saw his money. can you please show some motherfucking self-control and not scare said daughter to fucking death oh my god i hate this guy so fucking much) also because he kicked out azucena. on that note, ander being protective of his mom? absolutely living for it.

aaand Ander. here we go. oof. i did not like him for a good part of the season. actually, i think it probably started in episode one and ended in the last one, lol. i just felt like there were little things that made sense? i appreciated him telling Omar that he finds this other guy (aka Patrick) hot, but like some time later, they break up in this really horrible and heartbreaking sequence and a minute later, Ander goes whoring around like there’s no tomorrow? like, literally? huh? i found myself really torn between who to dislike more; Ander or Patrick. nice el desorden reference. (both the shot where he masturbated alone in the shower and the book, lmao)

as for Omar; can the writers just leave him the fuck alone please? what did he ever do to yall to ever deserve all this shit he has to go through constantly in this show holy fuck i HATE how he got treated by Ander and Patrick and Benjamin. This boy deserves so much better. he did seem a little out of character sometimes, i gotta say. not sure why tho. most times, he was the sweet, empathetic cinnamon roll we know him as. like idk man he does so much for his friends?? the thing with Philippe and Caye at the bar was adORABLE

which leads us to

Philippe. dude. what. was his character. most of the time, i felt kinda bad for him, like his so called friends literally all just saw the royalty in him (not that he made the impression that he didnt like that in the first few episodes, but yeah it’s a thing so i reckoned that would come up later on). also i was so happy for Cayetana ughguhghguhghh they were really cute together......but then he gotta pull this shit, like what??? in the actual fuck. he’s just like “yeah some girl tried to sue me, saying i r*ped her” and then later he’s like “so yeah i’m actually a r*pist, whoops, sorry, can you stay pretty please?” like ex fucking cuse the shit out of me sir. no. the problem is i *want* to like him because pol granch is a fucking sweetheart and i’m catching myself thinking stuff like hes kind of aware that hes a borderline r*pist and that hes also very aware that it’s not okay? but like? he doesn’t try to change? don’t even get me started on his mother. ugly ass bitch. that’s all i have to say.

so i didnt like Cayetana for a major amount of s3, like at all. but yeah, what can i say. shes just a sweet girl okay and now i have a soft spot for her. much like Omar i feel like, she gets a lot of shit, completely uncalled for and there’s nothing she can do against it she just like stumbles into the pile of crap and then is knee-deep in. i feel very sorry for her man i just wanna hug her.

just for the record, there was not a single second that i thought Amomrdm(shit i forgot his name lmfao) -the bad guy- was just being nice and helpful. tbh he just deserved what he got. whoops, there, i said it.

the build up in the last episode was very nice, i gotta say. it was low key obvious who would be the one to attack Ari, but it’s alright. i did not expect the thing with Guzman tho lol. You go man. (but still, aggression problems.)

side note; dude it really sucks that guzman and samuel were too busy fighting over Ari to actually notice her missing lmao

oh also - Rebeka’s ninja kick on the dock??????? HELLO????

guzman and ander leaving made me so fucking emotional?????? excuse me??? who gave them the right?????

edit; (a day later)

just noticed i completely forgot Samu, lol. hes just so far away from my type and i dont really have an opinion on him like yeah hes kind-hearted and cares for his friends, and thats sweet, but uuuhhhhhh. i was only there for the lil gay moments between him and guzman. there were a lot of them. i was really happy when he and Rebeka made up and talked to each other again, that was kinda wholesome. aside from that tho? idk hes just kinda [shrug-emoji] for me (like he had been from s1 all the way on to be quite honest)

that said, i’m sure theres lots more thoughts in my mind but the heat is making my head hurt lol ok bye

#elite #elite4 #this is neither a pretty post nor something serious #literally just me rambling #also it was like 3am when i wrote that initially #but i guess in case anyone wants to read it ill post it #also saving it for later #lily rambles

[ivyuns]

love again ❆✰

lee minho

genre: angst / fluff 

word count: 2.4k

warnings: drugs + language + a bit suggestive + a few grammar mistakes (this was written at 5 am plz i cant) 

A/N: why do i keep having dreams of someone who i used to like :(

masterlist

nonidol!minho x fem!reader

taking a picture of the scenery of paris in front of you, smiling of how well it came out, a real smile this time. hearing a voice call out your name, you turn around as your smile dropped, seeing someone who you didnt ever wanted to see. lee minho was his name.

it started as you two were young and in love with each other back in high school. you two we known as the toxic couple. not because you two were bad for each other, but because you did everything together: drugs, alcohol, getting high, sex, you name it. other than those, you two had another side of being soft. the romantic dates and the funny days shared.

the time you two hung out as best friends everyday, making everyone in school thinking you two were couples. the night where minho took you star gazing late at night after having a fight with your mom and ended up kissing you and asking you to be his one and only.

til your mom found out that you did drugs and drank underage because of minho. she forced you to break up with him and you felt like shit. you called him to meet you at the park you two always went to and left the house to go see him.

arriving at the park and sitting on a bench with the winter breeze around you in your light cardigan. feeling something on your shoulders made you feel tense til you smelled where the owner of the jacket is. lifting your head up, a tear fell from your eyes. minho’s eyes soften as he took a seat next to you and wiped the tear away.

“y/n, whats wrong love?” minho asked. “m-min, we need to break up”. minhos eyes widened from your sentence. “b-baby what happen? is everything okay at home? please tell me”. sighing and standing up as you took off minhos jacket off of your shoulders and gave it back to him. “just know that i still love you forever and always and we’ll meet in the next life” and left him.

minho sat there in shock, not knowing what just happened. it felt like a big part of him just left him.

the next week at school, you werent at your seat. you were nowhere found in school. you were just laying on your bed, feeling total shit. feeling nothing to do but just cry to sleep. your mom made you do online school to stop you from seeing minho and his friends. you phone made another noise as you sighed. looking up to see your phone on your nightstand, you see 44 missed calls and 64 messages from minho. tears falling down even more, you ended up falling asleep with a worried minho waiting for you at school.

and that was the last time you ever saw him, you first and last lover. his cousin, who was your best friend had kept in touch with you and told you what minho had done during the breakup. inhaling and consuming drugs, overdosing on drugs, drinking more and going crazy while yelling your name and wanting you to come back into his life.

minho eventually got over the breakup in a year. looking at the memories you gave him, he had the urge to call you names you didnt like him saying. his cousin passed by his room and heard him saying things you hated being called. knowing it was about you since his cousin had knew you before minho so of course you told her everything.

feeling hurt and angry about what she told you, you felt yourself growing apart from him. why still love him after he called you those names? you gave yourselft sometime to heal and feel better about yourself.

now here you are now 3 years later, visiting your dream city, france. you always wanted to come here when you and minho were a bit older but things didnt work out.

turning around after hearing minho called you, he ran over to you. looking at your figure, he can tell you lost too much weight but still had the perfect brown eyes with your hair recently dyed to light brown and your fashion senses that changed. only with you in a black top and baggy tan pants with black converse. god how much did he miss you.

a few minutes after not talking, you figured he just wanted your attention after he searched you everywhere in paris when his cousin gave him updates on you. walking away from him, he quickly grabbed your wrist. “y-y/n, can we please talk?” you made him let go of your wrist and continued walking to your hotel.

minho quickly ran in front of you and stopped you. “please y/n, what did i do wrong?” you sighed and looked up at him. “maybe if you werent so psycho, you wouldve known.”

minho stood there and thought of what happened. was it when you broke up with him? no, it couldnt be your fault. when he called you more than enough? no. when he was about to propose to you and run away with each other? no way. you two broke things before he could even ask.

‘shit’ he thought. it made him realize. he was too angry at some point and called you names that you hated being called and point out your insecurities. he knew someone was outside his door at the time.

facing back reality, he sees you still in front of him. “figured out now, mr lee minho?” you crossed your arms and a little smirk formed on your face. even after years, you still cant stop loving him. minho takes your hand and drags you to a park to lay under the sunset, watching to stars as it turns dark. remembering from your high school days.

laying down with you in minhos embrace, you whispered a ‘i love you’ to minho and fell asleep after missing the warmth of minho. minho, who smiled after you fell into your slumber and pulled you closer to him. “i love you too y/n”

a few hours, you woke up to nobody in the park but you and minho in the dark. noticing you were still in minhos arms, you got up and woke up minho. minho opened his eyes and saw your panic face. “minho, where are we?!”

minho was fully awake now. looking everywhere, he couldnt remember where or how he took you to this area. “god minho if you werent such a dumbass. youre lucky that my phone works fine here” you said as you gathered your stuff and grabbed minho’s hand, forcing him to get up and follow to directions on your phone to where your hotel was.

minho just smiled and walked close to you. “you havent changed a bit y/n” he says. you stopped walking and turned around which resulted minho bumping into you. “youre really asking for a slap are you?” minho quickly shook his head a no and you turned around and began walking again.

-

opening your door to your hotel room, minho was full in daze. everything was decorated beautiful just for a hotel suite, or thats what minho thought it was. “you can sleep on the couch here, ill be upstairs if you need anything” you said and head upstairs where your room was after giving him an extra toothbrush and toothpaste and other necessary items.

“wait y/n!” he calls your name and you turn around to walk downstairs. stopping at he last step of the stairs, minho walks towards you. “can you actually stay down here. i-i mean like so we can catch up on stuff like you know?” you knew he just wanted you to stay down here since he couldnt be alone.

“ya, youre just trying love me again arent you minho?” you joked as you poked him. minho scoffed and went to sit on the couch. “as if”. walking towards the couch and sitting next to minho, you lift your legs onto the ottoman. “im just joking min, of course ill stay here with you” you say to him and looked at him with a happy smile. minho smiles also after hearing you call out his nickname youll call him during your relationship.

hugging you waist, minho leans towards you as you get lost in his sparkling eyes. he lays you down and kisses your lips. at first, you wanted to pull away, but after missing his kisses, how could you resist it? 

a few weeks had gone by and you two had returned to korea as a couple again. another 3 weeks and you moved in with minho after getting kicked out when she found out you found minho. with no hesitation, you facetimed minho about what happened and let his loving girlfriend move in with him.

moving your belongs into his apartment, you felt nauseous. going to the toilet to release the sickness, minho puts down a box and runs over to your side after hearing disturbing noises from the bathroom. “baby, what happened? are you okay?” minho says and tries his best to comfort you while he lifts your hair into a ponytail so its not in the way. “i-i think im-”

tears started streaming down your face as thoughts ran past your brain. what if he doesnt want the baby? is it too early? were still in our early twenties. you were cut off by minho hugging you. “its okay baby. we can check and see in the morning. lets go head to bed, i already got the last box.” nodding your head, minho leads you to the bedroom with his arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest, both slowly falling asleep.

waking up first thing in the morning, you turn and see minho still asleep. going to get ready to for the store. most importantly, for the pregnancy test.

-

walking back into the apartment, you immediately go to the bathroom and take the test. waiting for the test to give out the answer, minho wakes up to you not next to him. grabbing his phone from the nightstand, he goes to your contact and texts you.

my baby <3

where are u ?

hearing the familiar notification bell, he sighs as he realize you didnt take your phone with you. getting up, minho goes to the bathroom and sees you with the test in the palm of your hands. he goes up behind you and hugs you and to see the test come back with positive.

with the biggest smile on his face, minho turns you around to face him. “you dont know how happy i am y/n” “but minho, how are you not mad?” you pulled away from the hug with a confusion look on your face, “shhh, just pretend i wanted this to happen in the future when we dated.” minho back hugs you, facing the bathroom mirror.

you see minhos hands rubbing your stomach. “its been our dream to have kids and get married. and ta da!” turning yourself around, you hug minho at a better position. “thank you minho for loving me back and not leaving us, i love you so much”. minho leaned in and put his forehead on yours. “i love you more than you do baby” and gave you a loving peck.

END <3

yes another minho fic bc this was sitting in my drafts and i dont know where this was heading to hehe

#lee know #lee know angst #minho #stray kids #skz #stray kids angst #stray kids smut #stray kids fluff #skz angst #skz smut #skz fluff #jyp skz #kpop #kpop smut #kpop angst #kpop fluff #lee know smut #lee know fluff #angst #fluff #smut #amoreskz #stay

[b0ttl3d-up-st4rs]

Well I'm gonna do what I do best and self reflect to an insane amount. This is probably gonna be a long post so buckle up.

To be honest my behavior for nearly the past year now is concerning to say the least. There's this little voice in my head that just desperately wants to get more and more hurt, more and more traumatized. Why is that? At first glance the negative approach could be to say its some sort of masochistic behavior and any negative repercussions as a result of this behavior is deserved, but I don't really think thats the case.

Self sabotage is a characteristic that can be exhibited in many mentally ill people and I am no exception. I think this behavior, of seeking to be hurt by grown men on the internet is partially self sabotage.

And I remember when I first started this shit show, I just wanted attention. Sounds mean to say, but craving attention is something the human soul desperately wants. And I was starting to feel some sense of self beauty but I didn't feel as though anyone around me was appreciating it so I tried to get attention from grown men because being showered in compliments and attention felt so good when my whole life I've never gotten any of that.

I think there's more too it, though. Looking back my whole life it's almost as if I've wanted to get hurt. In books I liked to sit around with the pain the characters felt. And its almost like I wanted to get traumatized. I've heard that people with trauma that they don't acknowledge is trauma or think its bad enough to be traumatizing seek put worse forms of trauma, in order to feel that pain is valid. And I think that's part of my issue too.

I do have unaddressed and repressed childhood trauma. I was given unrestricted internet at a young age and was exposed to the horrors of the internet. Nothing like straight up porn, but a lot of suggestive content. And in general being exposed to that caused me a lot of catholic guilt as I was raised catholic. I remember feeling like knowing these things were my fault. Many days I felt so guilty that I would pray to god to let me not wake up in the morning.

As a child I also questioned my religion a lot, which i think was traumatic in itself. Religion is a big thing. And as a kid I had a big issue knowing reality from fiction. Heck I still do. I remember as a kid my friend telling me that we were all demigods and one day we were going to run away to camp half blood. That the percy jackson books were real. It sounds stupid now, but I processed that as real and it was so stressful for me.

And I remember being 12 coming out as trans and as a part of the lgbtq community to my parents. They didnt react well. They said I was confused. My mom said I was both too young and too old to know. I fought a lot with my mom. And in general have a lot of unhappy memories from then. I was outed multiple times in my life.

My relationship with my parents still isnt good. My mom has a tendency to be toxic. I hate that I have to stay in the closet around my family its so painful. Like a month ago I mentioned the lgbtq community for the first time in years, asking my mom her opinions on it and if it changed since 2017, and it turned into her yelling at me and making herself a victim. It really hurt. I forgot how much it hurt.

I don't really have much of a relationship with my dad. We barely talk. Hes very emotionally distant. When I'm at my dad's house I sort of fend for myself. Its the exact opposite at my moms house. She's overbearing and never leaves you alone. It's like going between to extremes.

And honestly I can't wait to move out. My mom and I have arguments a lot. But hey at least I have some relationship with her, I don't really have a relationship with my dad.

I remember one time this year, I was during the end of a school semester. I needed to catch up on work because after talking to my abuser for like 5 months and then unlocking him I was left in shambles and fell into a really bad depression to where my motivation for school just disapeared. Im still dealing with that tbh. Anyways I had to go to a online meeting to choose my classes and I didn't get to choose the classes I thought I would be able to, and that made me really upset. But after the meeting I had to go to do am act of kindness (I chose picking up litter at a graveyard cause i like graveyards) for my school project but I was still distraught. If I was given some time to myself I probably wouldve been able to go without issue, but my mom wanted to go immediately. We argued. And when I got there I refused to leave the car because I felt so much like shit. We argued more. It was the worst argument I ever had. She even swore at me. Which she's never done before. And she ended up playing victim again. She does that a lot I guess. And doesn't really listen to my feelings. Whenever I try to communicate about my feelings with her it turns into an argument and she makes it about herself. So yeah our relationship isn't the greatest. And I think having mommy and daddy issues is a trauma in itself. Ppl deserve to have happy healthy supportive families.

Oh right and another trauma I completely forgot (funny how that happens) is when I was 14 and admitted to a mental hospital because I tried to off myself. It was so surreal and they forced me to learn how to make eye contact with people cause apparently thats "how they know im doing ok". Which is kinda fucked considering the fact I recently realized I might be autistic. And eye contact is literally so painful for me. It especially was back then. Anyways the place itself wasnt too bad but the feeling of being trapped overall sucks and being disconnected from the rest of the world isnt fun either. Also I dissociate all the time but I especially dissociated hard thru the whole experience. And sort of made myself into the perfect patient, repeating all their bs and literally lying to myself to convince myself that I was ok so they would let me go. So that was kind of weird.

Anyways I know I have it better than others. And honestly sometimes it's hard to tell what exactly was traumatic in my childhood. I probably forgot and repressed other parts of it too and am forgetting things. But needless to say these unaddressed traumas didn't help my mental state. And i do think that's a big part of the voice in my head begging me to just get hurt more.

Overall my mental state is fucked, It's been really hard for me not to be taken advantage of by another internet pedo. Heck the only reason that isn't happening rn is because no ones dmed me yet. Also I unblocked my old abuser and we are talking again now so thats fun. It definitely doesnt help the cognitive dissonance in my brain of him being actually a nice and supportive dude. I think thats also a part of me wanting to get more traumatized. Since my abuser is a nice person that should counteract all the fucked up sexual things he said to me in the past right? I mean others have it worse, had worse abusers that were actively cruel. That's part of the bitch in my subconscious brain talking. It sucks tbh.

Anyways yeah I probably need therapy but I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my current counselor and honestly its really hard to say out loud. I can talk forever about it by writing it down but the moment I speak words from my dumbass mouth I break down in tears and can't do it. Plus idk, I'm scared if I say anything she'll have to tell my parents and that my phone might be taken away or I'll have less privacy and for a closeted queer where my only current life line is the internet and my online friends: that is a terrifying idea. Idk. I'm fucked basically.

#long post #like long long post #rambling #tw csa #tw grooming #tw suicide attempt #vent #ramble #oof #yeah #mine #actually traumatized #trauma #autistic #depression #ptsd #c ptsd #maybe i dont fucking know #dissociation #traumatized #derealization #depersonalization #online csa #rip to me i guess lmao

[tfw-no-tennis]

huntoxhunto

we watched 2 whole more eps but we’re abt to vacay so i better recap this biz now before i forget

ok so we finished the zoldyck arc and uhhhh gotta say we werent expecting like any of that to happen lol 

ok ill back up so we start w/killuas mom (i dont think we ever heard her name) confronting gon & co....and canary (i lov her) is not dead which i assumed but thank goodness. 

zoldyck mom was totally using nen. also she is off her rocker gotta say. tho that visor is super cool, albeit confusing - is it connected to a bunch of security cameras or something? how does she see all that shit? 

granpa is wild. his tunic thing that says ‘one kill a day’ or w/e is kinda hilarious, it reminds me of the ‘apple a day keeps the dr away’ saying...a murder a day keeps the....idk away????

i love that killua makes it abundantly clear that he couldve like escaped at any time lol. also tho why didnt he just escape....baby boy just leave 

killua getting all serious and threatening milluki if he messes with gon....my boys got it BAD 

this family has so many communication issues hvbjadkfbjaskdfj nobody is on the same page at all 

the butler guy continued to remind me of kuro one piece this whole time...i was waiting for him to bust out the ridiculous cat claws

oh my GOD wait the flashbacks of EVEN BABIER KILLUA were so precious ;_; he was soooo tiny and cute oh my god. so precious. and canary was also so tiny and cute 

baby killua really just wanted a friend :(((( and canary wanted to be friends w/him but knew that mom zoldyck would kill her if she overstepped like that :( thats so tragic mannnn

also canary is so cool man. her beating up all those guys was epic

ok that whole scene with killua and his dad was like, such a rollercoaster lmao

like....it was all over the place for me...first of all the ambiance was wack, the room lighting was weird and im p sure killuas seat was an electric chair??? and the dad was in a coffin thing..???? like....interesting aesthetic choices all over the place here 

also i see now where killua got his hair and also his catboy tendencies. the zoldyck catboy genes seem to trace back to zoldyck dad, who has kinda scary cat eyes 

also im guessing that the dad is the blood zoldyck and the mom is the one who married in. they sure seem to put a lot of emphasis on like, family legacy or w/e, but the two parents certainty go abt it in different ways 

the whole convo b/w killua and his dad was wild, it totally didnt go where i was expecting it to. his dad was weirdly chill while also being super intense? 

killua happily telling stories abt gon was so sweet....baby boy baby 

and his dad telling him ‘never betray your friends’ was rlly interesting...i wonder what his reasons were for saying that 

cause then he tells killua he can leave, and killua does, but then dad zoldyck tells mom zoldyck (i rlly need to find out their names) that he thinks killua will come back on his own time....inch resting 

i wonder if dad zoldyck made killua promise that bc he was trying to set killua up for failure - as in, he tells killua to never betray his friends, thinking that killua inevitably will & be distraught abt it, and then turn back to the zoldyck family when this happens. idk

also its interesting to me that zoldyck dad wants killua to lead the family someday. like, illumi is right there, hes the oldest and clearly dedicated to being an evil assassin, and he seems p good at it...i wonder why killua is the favorite....the grandpa (i think) did say that killua is Special(tm) which...yes he is a special baby boy i love him. i wanna see more zoldyck family flashbacks/interactions so we can see what led them to this point 

oh lord that reminds me of illumi briefly appearing in the killua flashback and hes just like, suddenly there, wearing some gay ass sweater....like ok dude did you just come back from the Evil Assassin Library or st?????

that reminds me too, ruth tells me that apparently in the manga illumi and hisoka got married or something???? to which i say, thats fucking wild, but also it makes sense, those two are both horrible and disgusting and they absolutely deserve each other hbvajvhsdfjbak peak evil nasty gay rep, i love it. i cant wait to see whatever the fuck the context to that is bc, thats fucking wild

ok back to the plot so like its so wild to me how smoothly everything went hvubsjduhfbjsh like....killuas dad was rlly like ok u can leave and killua just went to the butler house and then canary woke up and was like ok gon & crew lets go to the butler house to see killua, fuck the rules, (and she didnt even get killed for ‘disobedience’ or w/e, or more likely - in most big shounen, she wouldve been attacked by the other evil butlers and gon wouldve had to fight them)

killua Rlly was like fuck this place im leaving my boyfriend and his parents are here to pick me up [puts on gayest outfit he owns and skateboards away] hvbhsjdfbjdkf

i love killuas weird gay preteen fashion so far and i cant wait to see more 

killua telling the butler guy to let him know as SOON as gon gets there cause he wants to see him AS SOON AS HE CAN ;_; bro they r....in love 

of course the butler is trickey tho lmao, any other shounen this wouldve turned into an 8 ep long fight scene sequence where gon has to fight the butlers in order to see killua 

and the of course gon is the same way, gon is like i need to see killua RIGHT NOW take me to him!!! ohhh my god babies

the whole coin game was wild, it was funny when the other butlers got involved too lmao 

when gon was like ‘hey leorio can i see your knife’ i was like OH NO I DONT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. and i was right bc OWWWWW baby boy oh my god!!!! but that seems to have solved it even tho thats NOT how swelling works at ALL- 

anyways gon is a cute smart good boy and i also find it funny how killua eventually gets impatient and just busts in on this whole dramatic situation (and the tension immediately deescalates as a result lmao) 

tangent but god its so funny seeing all these butler guys deferring to killua, an actual 12 yr old....i wanna see the hilarious and hijink-filled results of killua being raised as a rich spoiled assassin prince. thats a lethal combo thats gotta result in some wildly skewed perceptions on how things work, especially paired with gon ‘probably eats dirt for fun and sleeps in trees’ freecess 

godddd gon and killuas lil reunion is SOOO cute they were so happy to see each other ;_; bro they are SO cuteeeee augh. two tiny babies

killua being like oh hi also uh kurapika andddd [looks at smudged writing on hand] lorpo 

hvhhbajfbs dont do my man leorio like that killua hes a hardworking father 

the fact that they just like. LEAVE...thats so wild. i cant believe how little fighting this arc had. this all wrapped up SO much faster than i could have ever anticipated lmao 

where the heck was alluka!? i assumed she’d show up here but uhhhh guess not......in the silhouette shot of all the zoldycks she and killua were holding hands ;_; my fucking uwus bro 

we also didnt see the grandma or great grandpa so im guessing theyll appear later 

gon being like fuck it im not using my hunters license til i punch hisoka in the fucking face hvbhahsfbjsk thats hilarious 

also a convenient way to let him have his hunters license but not utilize it til later in the story...its so early for him to have achieved that big chunk of his goal, which just shows that hxh is Not your typical shounen and isnt gonna just be centered around gons quest to become a hunter 

so we finally found out what hisoka said to kurapika....just as i thought, it was st to do w/the phantom troupe. so theres a handy setup for the yorknew city arc later. bam 

hisoka just being like ‘hey meet me in this (presumably) very large city on this date. no i will not tell you where in the city to meet me. bye seeya there’ 

tbf hisoka is very hard to miss 

god when they arrive and kurapika is just like ok well we got killua so im out lol bye everyone....bro hvbjkhgbfjhdksfhjk that felt so abrupt 

and then leorio was like oh yeah same i gotta go study time to take the fantasy MCAT or w/e

AND THEY BOTH LEFT....now gon and killua r chilling but im like oh my god no leorio kurapika come back, we need some (questionable) adult supervision over here 

and like immediately killua is like ok gon do you have money. and of Course gon doesnt have money. so killua is like well you need money and you need to train so you can deck hisoka, so lets go to a fantasy version of an underground fighting ring! this is why kurapika and leorio needed to stay 

tho they probably wouldve just gone along with it 

they did all promise to meet in yorknew city, but thats apparently like 6 months away. are gon and killua rlly gonna spend 6 months at heavens arena

the part where killua draws the diagram demonstrating how much of a n00b gon is....hvbajdkhfbhajskf

AND THEN when he drew himself into the diagram and was like :3c wow im so modest HBJHSKHDFHBJS that was so funny

it was like that post thats like ‘you can tell when a cats pupils change and they just shift into Silly Mode’ thats what killua looked like...catboy

so thats basically it i think, gon and killua are heading to heavens arena to join fight club or whatever. tournament arc time! 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

i doubt this is the last weve seen of the zoldyck family. i mean we havent even met 3 of them, and we barely saw the ones we did meet...idk when theyll come back but i suspect theyll be making some big money moves later on and fucking shit up somehow 

i think maybe illumi or someone will like, spy on killua sometimes to keep track of him. or theyll track him by other means

ill use the prediction corner to reflect on incorrect predictions so heres a few. i rlly thot killua was gonna be more edgy than he is but hes rlly just a good boy huh. like hes a gay baby assassin catboy but hes so cute and good too. he just wants to live his life and hang out with his tiny bf like... omg :’) 

also i thot hisoka held a totally different narrative role lbvahkfjhjjaksfl i thot he was like main villain guy....hes more like an annoying creepy clown dude who (probably) shows up a lot to bother the main cast. we’ll see, but thats what i think of him now

like i thought hisoka would be like p1 dio, where hed be/quickly become a powerful antagonist who would amass a bunch of followers/minions (when actually the only person he seems to hang out w/is illumi, and theyre more like equals than an evil guy/minion dynamic)...or like i thought hisoka would be very well known as a scary evil guy but nope he was just another participant in the hunter exam, albeit a weird freaky one whose rancid vibes everyone seemed to pick up on 

anyways actual predictions, i think hisoka is gonna be at heavens arena, which would be super funny. gon is like im gonna train to beat hisoka and he shows up to do that and hisokas just there like >;) hey

i think if i had to guess, the zoldycks will show up again (in a plot important way) at the end of the yorknew arc/before the greed island arc. i know basically nothing abt any of the arcs but i do know the order they go in so theres that

i do think illumi will show up earlier than the other zoldycks tho, since he seems to be out doing his own thing more than the rest. also we still really havent resolved the whole mind control thing that im still convinced of 

i think nen will finally be introduced/alluded to heavily in this arc...or like, characters will use nen and gon will be like whoa whats that 

i think killua knows what nen is...maybe? it would make sense since im sure all the zoldycks can use it (at least, we saw mom zoldyck use it, probably)

can killua use nen already? that would be pretty funny. i dont think so tho. maybe u learn nen at a certain age. i have no idea what nen is 

also isnt gons nen power the power to like, turn into a really buff version of himself or something. how the fuck does that work 

ok enough nonsense its bedtime zzzzz

#the rambling continues.... #lj watches hxh #hxh

[distressindisguise]

Love, Simon: Book vs Movie

Obviously this analysis contains spoilers for the movie Love, Simon and the book Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda. I’ve literally been wanting to talk about the differences between the two for so long but my friends haven’t read the book so it’s so hard for me to share and squeal about it. If you’ve read or watched both, or just one, hopefully you enjoy this :) So let’s begin.

1.) Casting

-Simon

When I heard that Nick Robinson was going to be playing Simon, I screamed. He’s played a plethora of different characters lately from strong Ben Parrish to Cocky Olly and now Awkward Simon. He played him so well although in the book, I would say Simon was a bit more feminine. But I kind of liked the change. Nick brought a lot of himself to Simon’s character, and I think that’s the cause for the change.

- Bram

First off, I was so freaking happy they kept Bram black and Jewish. What an icon. Anyways, I think Keiynan did a great job with his character. In the books, Bram was the more “masculine” one I guess you could say. But again, I really like the change whether it was done purposely or not. I think it had to do more with who played the characters than anything.

-Nick

Honestly, I had pictured Nick differently. Nick was supposed to be an intelligent guitar player who loved Indie rock and philosophical questions while still being a star athlete. And yeah explaining it like that, I can see why they changed his character. Nick’s character was so unrealistically perfect in the books but hey, I liked cute slightly oblivious soccer Nick as well. I don’t clearly remember what Nick’s ethnicity was in the book, but I like that they kept more diversity in the film by casting Jorge Lendeborg Jr.

- Leah

I. Loved. Katherine Langford. As. Leah. I. Have. No. Complaints. She. Was. Great. She portrayed her so well and her and Nick Robinson just had such amazing chemistry. Their friendship felt so genuine, just like the books and I have no complaints at all. I was so happy you don’t understandddd. There was some differences in her character though but I’ll talk about those later because it has more to do with plot.

- Simon’s sisters

Simon had more than one sister, but only the younger one was cast. I see why, honestly. The other sister wasn’t really necessary to the plot of the movie at all. The oldest was away for most of the book and the youngest was really the only important one. The movie hadn’t really portrayed Nora as Nora to me. I can understand that change as well though, because the only interesting thing about Nora in the book was at the end when we found out that she had formed a band. Giving Nora a specific personality in the movie made a lot of sense even if it was totally different.

-Abby

No complaints. She was exactly like how I pictured Abby in the books. Only change in her character that was obvious to me was that she lived closer to Simon than I would’ve liked. There’s this whole section of the book where it talks about how the black kids who went to the school lived miles and miles away. She had to spend a long time on the bus each day just to travel to school. That fact may not seem so important but it emphasized how segregated our society still is, even if it isn’t written anywhere. I liked that detail a lot so I was pretty disappointed when it wasn’t added in the movie.

- Martin

Martin looked and acted exactly as I imagined. Martin pissed me off in the books and pissed me off in the movies. One thing I liked that the movie stressed was his kindness. In the books, it was there sure but it was overshadowed by how much everyone hated him lol. In the Movie, you still hated him but it was easier to understand where he was coming from even though what he did was still wrong.

- Ethan

He did not exist in the books, but I think it was a smart move to add him in the movie. It stressed the fact that two very different people could be gay without following the same “stereotype”. I liked the conversation he and Simon had outside of the office. It’s a conversation I think Simon would’ve needed in the books that he couldn’t get from anyone else.

2.) Plot

Here’s a list of minor and major changes I witnessed that I had not already mentioned.

-Leah was not in love with Simon. This is one thing that I hated the movie did. It was a cliche that I was happy the book stemmed away from, but at least the Movie showed how Leah wasn’t mad about it and how she was willing to move on and accept him for who he was. I liked that part, but honestly all of it could have been avoided. Fun fact: Leah drew yaoi fanart in the book. I loved that about her. She was more upset about Simon not telling her that he was gay first in the books. She felt like everyone was replacing her with Abby, and it was honestly a big slap in the face. First Abby takes her crush from her, and now her best friend? Personally, that angle of things was far more interesting to me than Leah being in love with Simon.

-Cal was actually LGBTQ+ in the books. Or at least it was assumed. He was jealous of Abby when he saw Simon hanging out with her and genuinely seemed to be into him at one point. In the Movie, he doesn’t seem to be interested in him at all.

-The mystery of who Blue is was way more complex in the books. It was harder to figure out. In the Movie I feel like they just gave it away too early. There were too many obvious hints dropped and I don’t know if that’s just because I already knew who it was, or if it really was just too easy. For instance, Bram was sitting there eating Oreos and talking about how he loved the Halloween ones RIGHT AFTER SENDING AN EMAIL SAYING HE LOVED THE HALLOWEEN ONES. like c’mon now. Really?

-Bram and Simon’s friendship was more developed in the movie. THIS WAS MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE MOVIE!!! In the books, Bram was a background character that didn’t say more than two words to Simon. They sat at the same table at lunch and had English together, but other than that they weren’t really on daily speaking terms. In the Movie, Bram was a regular occurrence. Whether it was begging for Simon’s fries, inviting him to a party, kicking ass at cup pong, or singing karaoke together, they were definitely well established with each other. It was fun to see, especially because their chemistry was amazing as well. It’s something the Movie definitely did better. In the books, Bram and Simon just jumped into a relationship with each other despite few interactions in real life which outside of the fictional world: WOULDVE BEEN AWKWARD ASF.

- Bram knew that Jacques was Simon way before Matin exposed him on Tumblr. I understand the reason for the change in the movie though. They did not have 3 hours to develop this plot.

- Honestly?? My favorite part of the book was when Bram took Simon out to the grocery store on a date and bought a bunch of Oreos to create this sundae Simon joked about on an email because he worshiped Oreos. That small detail was so adorable to me but it got cut so ugh

- Another one of my favorite scenes that got cut was when Bram bought Simon a t-shirt from his favorite band and put it in his locker. That was so freaking cute as well. Also, side note. Simon’s favorite band was not Panic! At The Disco in the books but I’m honestly so happy it was in the movie. When Brendon Urie popped up on the screen I almost died oops.

- The musical Simon’s school did was Oliver! which doesn’t hold much significance but hey

- Abby did Simon’s make up for the play and he really liked it

- Simon used to like to wear dresses when he was younger (this was probably taken out because the movie portrayed Simon as less feminine)

- The Bram x Simon kiss did not happen on the Ferris wheel, but the change made sense in the movie. I don’t mind the change although I was lowkey butthurt about it at first before I saw the film. It made sense.

- Honestly the whole kiss scene was kind of cringey to me in the movie. That must’ve been so awkward waiting on a Ferris wheel for hours as random people took out their phones and whispered “I love gay people.” as if he didn’t already feel pathetic enough. In the movies, Bram caught Simon on this ride that Bram admitted made him vomit over email. That was really cute to me because Bram literally got onto that ride just for Simon and they were able to have their moment alone without other people ruining it.

- Their emails started to get really spicy. It progressed from “I can’t help but to think about kissing you” to basically, “I like picturing you horny” which isn’t a direct quote but it’s something along the lines of that.

- After the play, things got spicy in real life

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

3.) Important Things That Were The Same

- Simon’s speech to Martin about how coming out was his decision. I’m so happy they kept this

- a lot of the jokes were directly from the book as well which I really liked

- Abby and Nick had gotten together at the end

- Simon’s conversation with his mom

Okay that’s about all I can think of, feel free to add if you’d like. I’ve never actually done an analysis or anything before but I just really want to share my thoughts on these two masterpieces.

#love simon #nick robinson #katherine langford #keiynan lonsdale #simon spier #bram greenfeld #leah burke #abby suso #simon vs the homospaien agenda #becky albertalli #love simon spoilers #spoilers #love simon analysis #love simon review #love simon book #bluegreen118

[blxetsi]

modern levi ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

levi ackerman x gn!reader

- firstly, lets get love language out of the way

- i think his love language would be acts of service

- so like, he'll brew your coffee for you and set out your favourite mug when he goes to the kitchen to make his tea (bc we all know he'd wake up earlier than you 🙄)

- or he'll pick up a muffin from your favourite bakery on his way home

- or if you ask him to remind you to do something later, he's immediately writing it out on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere youd notice

- he notices youre getting low on your favourite moisturizer ? or lipbalm ? he's taking a picture of the packaging and getting it the next time he drives past walmart or smth

- he just does little things that help make your day better

- now i feel like a lot of people say this already, but he is NOT very comfortable with public displays of affection

- its not that he doesnt like it when you touch him, or hold his hand, or kiss his cheek, he just gets flustered and feels like everyone is watching you two

- but one thing he does allow is looping your arms together while you walk, especially in crowded streets

- it doesnt mean he doesnt like being close with you, he just hates doing it public. when youre alone ? hes ALL OVER YOU.

- "will you play with my hair ?"

- "levi im working."

- "okay can you multitask ?" motherfucker 😐

- doesnt matter if hes the big spoon or little spoon, just being close to you is enough.

- also would try and get used to your love language

- if your love language is physical touch hes genuinely surprised by how many times you put his hands on him each day (NOT in a sexual way) like even his mother never touched him as much and he's a momma's boy 😳

- when you wake up your coming out to the kitchen to fill your coffee, but not before kissing the top of his head as you walk past

- then youre guzzling down your coffee like its water before putting it in the sink and walking back, petting his head in the process

- you'll hug him while hes cooking, or brushing his teeth. youre giving him kisses before he leaves and when he comes home, just little small acts of love, but it happens so frequently that levi cant help but notice it

- your love language is verbal affirmations ? youre getting your coffee while saying "goodmorning beautiful"

- "i love yous" are thrown at him a lot, they never fail to make him feel better

- youll compliment this man and he short circuits for a second, quickly gets used to it as time goes on

- also too i think he'd be taller in a modern au, but not very very tall like erwin, im talking 5'7" to 5'9"

- and he's fine with his height, it doesn't bother him that much, he's the average height of a man so what's the big deal ?

- also he really doesnt care about height either. youre shorter than him ? cool, that means he can bend down to give you little forehead kisses. around the same height as him ? awesome, that makes it easier for him to give you a peck on the lips. taller than him ? mf he'll climb you like a tree if he has to. really doesn't care.

- also doesn't have a preferences for body type or anything. he thinks that character is way more important than looks 100% and he'll always find different things about you beautiful. your laugh is weird ? k now he's making you two watch a john mulaney special to so youll laugh. hate your belly and wanna lose weight, he's holding you and telling you to only lose weight if you genuinely want to be "healthier" and not so you get skinny. your acne scars bother you ? he's kissing your cheeks a lot more than usual, but you can't complain. literally Loves Every Part of You

- also i think his family would absolutely ADORE YOU and his friends for that matter

- miss kuchel is pulling you into a hug the first time she sees you, and is so accomodating and sweet. shes genuinely interested in your interests and what you do for a living, and will NOT hesitate to get levi's baby pictures out if you ask.

- his uncle ? he probably wont be there for the family dinner, but then kuchel's gonna call him up like "levi's s/o ?? absolutely spectacular !!" and then hes like "huh maybe i gotta come visit to see the runt and his lover"

- also i think in a modern au, kuchel wouldve gotten really sick when levi is a boy, so kenny would have came home to take care of his sister and try and take care of levi. in the end she got better, and he went back to his own home, but now she requests that he come for at least one family holidy so they can all spend it together

- BUT back to mr. ackerman

- idk what he'd do in modern times, i used to think he'd be a good english professor for a university, but then i saw a headcanon that he'd go into law school and become a lawyer, and honestly ?? it makes sense

- after a long day at work he just wants to come home to you, he'll find you on the couch reading or doing some of your own work, so he'll just slip off his coat and blazer and undo his tie while slipping off his shoes by the door. before plopping his head in your lap and requesting you to play with his hair.

- if you don't live with him hes taking a shower and then immediately calling you asking to come over. if you can ?? great he'll be in bed waiting to be spooned. if not, thats fine, but levi would like to facetime and rant.

- also has the absolute WORST road rage

- "that little prick cut me off !"

- "levi he's taking his driver's test !"

- "so ? i hope that instructor doesn't give the idiot a pass 🙄" and then will immediately honk his horn at the poor kid.

- also wouldnt be a clean freak like in canonverse. his whole "everything has to be spotless" stuff stems from trauma, specifically being left in an apartment with his decaying mother for weeks on end, but since kuchel is alive that never happens

- were things a little hectic during the time she was sick ? sure ! but kenny always tried to tidy up a bit when he saw it was getting to levi.

- levi just likes things to be neat and tidy, he doesnt do a deep clean of his apartment every two weeks, but always makes sure to clean up his messes as soon as they happen

- also doesnt like to fight

- his mom raised him with the idea that communication is key, and always encouraged him to "explain why hes upset" so they could work together to come up with a solution

- its something hes taken with him to adulthood, and even though sometimes he sounds like hes talking to a child when hes trying to get you to "use your words" he really doesnt mean to

- if youre yelling at him he'll stand there like 😐 and wait until youre out of breath so he can say "okay lets talk about this"

- is also very handy

- have a hole in your wall ? hes coming over to fix it

- need a lightbulb changed ? hes got u dont worry

- you need to assemble a piece of furniture ? he glances at the step by step guide once before hes putting it together

- hes so great at that stuff, and you only have kenny to thank

- literally when kenny first came to stay with levi and kuchel when she was sick, the kitchen light went out and he asked levi to screw another lightbulb in, the poor kid stood there like 🤨 and when kenny said "what ? you don't know how to change a fucking lightbulb ?" levi shook his head and said "uncle kenny im seven 😐"

- kenny was APPALLED. and immediately made it his mission to make levi as handy as himself.

- also, dates with him are rlly lowkey.

- he likes being in your company, so staying home and ordering take out is AWESOME in his opinion. sometimes he'll dress up and make a fancy meal with you.

- if you like going to carnivals and stuff, he's reluctant but eventually caves. wins you a lot of the prizes.

- "fuck. this shit is rigged y/n"

- "sorry levi, lets go do something else !"

- "what ? no. give me another dollar im getting you that fucking turtle"

- hange always wants to see you. levi makes it his life mission to keep you away from them as much as possible. not because he doesnt want you to get along with his friends, just because he knows that hange will spill some embarassing secrets from his college days.

- erwin ? hes okay but hes on thin fucking ice.

- also is very gentlemanly. will not only hold the door for you but for everyone. hes waiting in line for his order and someone comes up behind him and asks him to scootch so they can get some napkins ? mf its grabbing a handful himself and handing it to the person, wishing them a nice day with a small smile. hes just like,, a genuinely good person

- his singing voice ? immaculate. will he sing for you ? no.

- he also loves playing board games with you. like chess or checkers. you love playing board games with him and his friends, specifically monopoly. hange makes moblit form an alliance with them. mike is a lone wolf, and erwin and levi are always helping each other out until erwin betrays him. lots of trust is ruined between these game nights, but you literally cant bring yourself to care because its so fun to watch it unfold

this is my first headcanon thingy !! im v excited !! hope u all enjoyed 🤩✨ should i do more headcanons like these ???

- all in all, levi is a cool guy, and a cool bf.

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #attack on titan x reader #armin arlert #mikasa ackerman #eren yeager #eren jaeger

[jrbalufbfnzl]

I slept late yesterday n woke up at 9h30 bc my mom ws spamming my phone. I have to text wishes for my fam bc their granddad died and go to the pharmacy. Slept from 1 till almost 10 and didnt feel tired when i woke up. Ill try n b productive today im gna take my pills n walk the dogs. I also have to finish mty sisters drawing n listen to all her memos

I need to cut my hair i cannot stand the sensation

Thinking about having more tats n being anxious bout it for some reason

Ill try to be strong n turn away from food and hopefully as well ill be able to exercise but no food at ALL today sounds grear to me but no pills and no sleeping all day bc it ruins the mood

Didnt wake n bake but didnt meditate, im lazy to meditate thismorn. Been hanging on my phone for a lil more than an hour so ill just go out n do my stuff now

My dogs off her medication today i hope shell getbetter i cannot deal w the stress of her having a chronical serous disease.

I scratched my ears until they bled n couldnt hezr well yesterday

UPDATE : i managed to walk yhe first dog and fed both of em. Im waiting for my pills to kick to walk the second one. It was a struggle to get something non triggering to eat and im trying to wait as much as possible to eat. Days are fucking short anyways and ill xhabge my password and lockdown uvereats to not order some tonight maybe. Ill try and sleep early and stay strong and also get ready to see peeps and maybe feel a lil bit better but also i wanna stay alone. I cried a bit bc im ashamed to be so paralysed at 25 time is running fast and hezlth as well and the fall could be terrible idk. I felt anxious to walk both of the dogs at the same time or evenbto vring them to the parc or go to the pharmacy even tho its 5mins away n its kind of a nice walk. My stomach and intestine hurts tho. I hope ill manage to go to the pharmacy n exercise today n shave my hair n meditate and finish my sisters drzwing. Its not that much

UPDATE 2 : its 30 to 7 and i managed to cut my hair and walk the two dogs once. I feel zncious about walking them a second time but ill make it feed them then take them out.

My best friend made a post sayin that knowing otger people dezl w the same stuff as her is rezsuring so i ferl less guilty of "making it about me all the time" bc thats rly not what im trying to do and my bf told me i wzs incapable of listening so i guesd it fucked up my self apreciation.

Sometimes i feel like my bf is the only thing in his world and i also feel like its giod for him but at the same time i feel like im wrong znd im the one taking toi mych space. I have 0 sense of whats real and whats not and as soin as im thinkin ab smth that is not invalidating to me i kind of gaslight myself into thinking otherwise znd remarks my bf made repeatedly in the past arent helping. I have to finish my sistets drzwing walk the dogs n exercise. Today i felt anxious multiple times and wasnt really able to get out of bed. I didnt meditate first thing in the morning either whoch i shouldve. Im gonna try my psycholoist tomorrow to take another apt bc i missed the last one. I feel like a failure. Good thing is im not hubgry at all bc of aderall and stress so thats cool. Ill try ti go to the pharact tomorrow as well but even thibking about livin another dy and having stuff t do makes me rly anxious i feel incapable of having a routine.

Update 3 : did the drawing, hate it and i dont have my mind up to that. Esp sibce the dezdline is so close and i feel like my sisters work ethic is so abusive and self centered that i just dont have fuel to turn her idea into smth cooler and add detzils or a personal touch. I just dobt want to experiment w it and i hate doing it and it shows. I walked my first dog for the second time fed them both gave the last pill to my second dog abd im about to walk her out now. I feel shitty about my day.

Today my ideal me :

Wouldve woke up meditate exercise and took care of the dogs in a whistle withiut thinking to avoid building up unecessary anxiety and have the drawing done by thr end of the morning and went to the dog park and pharlacy afterwards anf make music.

If someone saw me from an outside perspective :

I think they would think that my depression is quite invalidating and that im just letting myself down completely

Today i did :

Nothing consistent but i feel like i did my best within my possivilities and i went above my lack of motivation to draw and rakr care of the dogs

I felt :

Down empty and dead anxious and tired.

I ate :

Two biscuits and a bubble tea

Tomorrow i'll :

Try to meditate and exercise and feed the dogs and get ready for what its worth and go out a little abd go to the pharmacy abd call my shrink and try to get sum weed even tho i shouldnt but the anciety is too much

Im grateful for :

Having the strenght to write stuff down znd maybe itll be the start of a routine

My shrink being so lame she accepted that i get surgery

The dogs remiding me that i rly shouldnt br like my parents and helping me reflec and remember on abuse and stuff

[ibroughtthisonmyselfpixels]

Part 2: The Cross-generational Perspective

In which the influence of Cupid Hawthorne can be felt as early as junior-year history

Warning: contains a scene of murder (of a young person) more explicit than in the previous part, focused on in great detail - specifically, strangulation - and murder as a whole is discussed throughout. There’s also minor homophobia / historical gay denial from a forum poster, transphobia disguised as “it’s just a joke bruh” rhetoric, very mild NSFW implications in one paragraph, and a requisite Cuphead reference since Vidcund would have killed me if I didn’t work King Dice into this somehow.

Castor didn't start collecting trophies deliberately until the third kill. By then, they were more at ease with the monumental task they'd set themselves, and more certain of what He would expect of them. Besides, the higher the body count, the harder it is to tell the victims apart without a souvenir or five. A broken button here, a tie there... Every little helps.

The first and second are both embodied by the same thing – though the need for reminiscence there is more out of desire than duty.

Automatically, they reach for a side drawer on the desk, an old shawl wrapped in a plastic bag wrapped in their hand in seconds. It's how Moms used to store the old photo album at home (may still do, actually; they need to pay them a visit next weekend). But, if anything, the history book inside is even more precious and handled with greater care, each page the wing of a gossamer moth. To desecrate His face would be nothing short of sacrilege.

Their finger runs along His pale jaw, and they pretend the deep-set eyes widen slightly at the sight of them.

Soon, Cupid. I'm nearly there.

The eyes that will first see that face on the page belong not to the nonbinary person they will become, but a teenage girl who happens to carry the name and the penis she had at birth. Her identity is just one of the many things Castor has picked up over time, like pierced ears, the zits that turn her rounded face into a game of connect-the-dots, and a keen interest in aspects of academia that most of her peers refuse to touch.

That last one especially. She didn't get into AP History through luck alone, after all. And it's paid off – she's learned more about the 1920s and 30s in the month or so they've been covering it than anything she gleaned from comparing the differences between World Wars I and II. To a Sim who drinks knowledge like it's water, such a thing is invaluable.

No matter how grisly that knowledge is.

“--looking at the rise of gangsters, mobs, and other such criminals, and how that relates to what we've already studied,” says Mr Piper, breaking through her thoughts. Ah, today's one such 'grisly day', then. “It's no secret that Roaring Heights, even today, has something of a fearsome reputation; when we made our list of qualities a few weeks ago, 'bad crowd' was a term that came up a lot, as I'm sure you remember. The existence of these criminal syndicates was and still is a large factor in those bad crowds, both proverbial and literal.”

“Like the Hook?” shouts a voice (as best as he can with it cracking) from the back of the room. “Is the Hook a syndicate?”

“No, Elliot. And I thought we agreed we wouldn't bring that urban legend up in class again.”

Elliot groans, but he does stay quiet after, thank god. It's not even from the right decade... Weren't it still Sunshine Cove back then?

“I'm more referring to actual families with lengthy histories of illegal activity: the Reeves, the Dandys, and so on. But we're going to focus exclusively on the Hawthorne family today, since they are particularly notorious. Who here knows which crimes the Hawthornes are the most tightly associated with?”

Hands rise sporadically around the room. Sam Nguyen's was up right away, but she was born there, so she's known about everything in this module so far.

Tallying the results in his head, the teacher stops when he sees her own hand still down. “Castor, I'm surprised you don't know,” he remarks.

“I've heard 'em mentioned in passing, Sir; I've just never had a chance to look into it.”

He seems to accept that: “Okay then. Glenn? Any ideas?”

“Extortion tactics, Sir? That's what most mobs do.”

“No it ain't! Haven't you seen CSI? Mobs are about murder. Culling the good guys, making them sleep with the fishes, capiche?” Orchid slips into an attempt at an Italian accent towards the end, one that doesn't jive well with the usual Hollow twang in the slightest.

“Uh, they probably wouldn't talk like that if they're--”

“Don't they blackmail people too?”

“That's the same thing, Clover!”

“Not really; extortion's more about getting what you want, blackmail's about them getting what they don't--”

A sharp tap on the desk with a spare whiteboard duster brings the class to silence and order... very temporarily, since it's broken by the sound of Steve's text-to-speech system. (God, she's just imagined that with a bad Italian accent too...) “Does it depend on which member of the family you're looking at, Sir?”

“That's right, Steve. And so are the other three of you, in that sense. Different generations of Hawthornes have those three aspects covered at different ratios. But while extortion and blackmail were reportedly the roots of the family business, it traces back to the 1910s, beyond the scope of the decades we are looking at this term. It's the second aspect – the murder –” Mr Piper lets the word hang in the room for a short second – “that cast the blackest mark on both them and the town as a whole from the years 1920 to 1930. If you can all turn to Page 74 in 'A Roaring Heights History' for me?”

Ever on the ball, Castor joins the others in retrieving their copy from the bottom of her quite hefty backpack. Damn lack of foresight. The air's thick with the sound of pages turning, numbers counted, 74, 74... ah-ha, there it is. Chapter title on the left, picture on the right, captioned: 'Cupid Hawthorne, feigning grief'. She glances at it by chance --

-- and the very foundations of the Earth shift beneath her.

He's so... striking. So real, despite the medium; like a firework given form. His jaw is practically a V, set in a scream, his lips curling back to show near-perfect teeth. Hair – no, she can hardly call it hair, it's a mane, swept wherever the wind takes it. His nostrils flare, highlighting a nose prominent enough to warrant sculptures, monuments. Eyebrows slant heavy in the fierce expression, and the eyes underneath...! There are a million and one stories within those eyes, greyscale though they are, every imagined fleck of those distant polaroid irises a new memory, of anger, of family, death, blood, anguish...

For a wild moment, for a wild lifetime, she imagines that it's her he is looking at, that his gaze is fixed upon her alone, that she's the reason for this burst of passion within such a soul. His voice, abstract, unheard, repeats within as the name lingers on his mouth, Castor, Castor.

When the world turns again and the echo fades, she's left adrift between peace and unrest.

Looking up to the classroom again is like stepping out of a cinema into a rainy day: brighter than hoped, darker than expected. To her surprise, only two minutes have passed since, given the clock's hands. She looks back at the people behind her. Sam, Steve, even Elliot... His face looks up at them all from the paper, captured and reflected from multiple angles.

And yet none of them seem to see him. If they look, it's briefly, before returning to the text underneath. There's a rarity in their books, and they're choosing to ignore it? Wait, Sam's looked up too – confused – was she, too, caught in the--?

“Uh, Castor?” she whispers. “You okay? You look pale. Need to see the nurse?”

“Uh-? Y-no, it's okay. I'll be fine.”

Castor quickly turns back to the front, to the task at hand – if such a thing even exists. There's words beyond the caption, and the teacher drones on, but they all seem strange now, nonsensical. An emotional dyslexia.

Is she really the only one to feel it? The only one to see Cupid Hawthorne, emblazoned in history, and have a reaction so...

visceral?

The haze the history lesson left behind shields her from the rest of the school day, for better or worse; she's unceremoniously home before she realizes it. Mom One is working tonight, so only her jade-green mother is there to greet her. Dinner's brief, a bowl of mac and cheese and a slice of sheet cake from the local baker's, and then it's time for homework. In theory, anyway.

In practice, the first word she types into Google, on reflex, is “Hawthorne”. She makes no attempt to stop it after that. She does have a week for most of these pieces, and a reputation of being prepared to uphold...

Result after result pours onto the screen, and with it information and revelation. First, that out of all the people in the room that morning, Orchid had been closest to the truth. Matters of money and influence are barely mentioned, with some of the forum users she digs up not even knowing that the criminal activity went that deep. All talk is of the War of the Hawthornes: the players, the game, and even a fraction of the cause.

Crimedivi So turns out they used to run bachelorette challenges in the old days too?? They weren't c**** popular like now, but there were apparently enough of them that RQ ran one, and Cupid meddled in it by killing everyone off!! I mean, wtf???? Even if you don't like your family that's just low you know??????

Castor assumes the asterixes are due to the forum's format, rather than self-imposed (especially when the same poster later refers to it as a series of 'a**a**inations').

Allystelle205 I've heard about that too! That's why no one knows who Rose Quartz ended up marrying in the end, I think: she had to protect his identity to make sure Cupid couldn't track them and kill them again... :O

xxxgogetterx “his”? wasn't she pansexual? there wouldve been women in there too dumba**

Allystelle205 Dude, gay people didn't exist in the 1930s! They would have been killed for--

She scrolls past that hot mess quickly until she finds a mod post warning them that her sexuality's neither up for debate, nor the actual point... she thinks. It doesn't have his name in it, so she doesn't get all the details.

movethatpawawayfromyoursim Anyway, back on topic...... @crimedivi it wouldn't have been the first time Cupid killed off his own family. Pretty much everyone else in it are dead because of him after all – three in that car crash, one got shot, one got strangled. I forget which is which. After that level of evil, killing her suitors to get to her really isn't that much of a stretch

Crimedivi ik ik but until then no one else had to get killed OUTSIDE off the family right?? and think about it, there's NEVER been a bc since where this has happened, people dying cus they wanna get married!!!! its just a new layer of bad somehow yknow??? kinda makes me wanna be sick!!

SpeckleP Especially since Rose Quartz was like reeeeaaaally mentally ill. There's records out there of her being in an asylum once upon a time in Bridgeport I think it was. They say schizophrenia but I think it was more that Cupid had such a hold over her that she broke herself so he couldn't hurt her anymore or something like that? Imagine getting out of there only to lose even more people to him and not knowing why...

Crimedivi now I really AM gonna be sick thanks SpeckleP!!!!!!

She looks at her hands, poised on the keyboard, then over to her open book. He's still there in print, facing away from the gossip about his motives and deeds that splits the screen. Castor slants him towards her again, giving him another long look, waiting for... she doesn't know what. Another change? How can there be change, when he has already infected her mind so thoroughly? How can there be anger, revulsion, at such a sight? And yet it's so easy for others to feel, firmly in the corner of the family scorned...

The book goes back down. Maybe there's something to what Sam said, after all. Maybe Castor is sick – just in a very different way to little Crimedivi.

This notion doesn't bother her as much as she thought it would.

The topic staggers on for another few posts (including a very pointed remark about the healthcare system from AtheistKatherine33) before stalling. Perhaps another website will bring her more insight.

Searching more specifically for “Cupid” this time, it's not long before she's inundated with a wall of neon text that looks like it's from the era of GeoCities, if not somehow earlier. But it doesn't take long for her to convert it into something resembling legibility. It's broken up by a picture – not a copy. This one's captioned “most recent known photo”, but he's less clear here, a calmer face in a crowd of dots and stripes, caught only by a red circle. His arm is linked with that of a black man to his right, in... is she imagining it? Or is it a protective sense? A partner of some kind? That'd be odd, given the era, and yet... they're standing so...

For the first time in months, Castor's chest feels a dismal flickering that she recognizes as dysphoria. She winces. Not now, not... Reading, more reading. She sinks into the paragraphs on paragraphs, feeling the flames of that shrink under a much greater fire.

1914-1918: Records show that Cupid H served in the Roaring Heights branch of the Allied forces during the events of the first World War. Debates are thick on the ground as to how many casualties can be attributed to him in this time ...

Winter-Spring, 1920: After a meeting with a rival syndicate, Oleander, Dogwood and Gillyflower H are killed in a car crash. It later transpires that the crash was due to sabotage of the vehicle in question; despite denying it at first, Cupid would later admit to being the culprit ...

Summer, 1920: Cupid strangles Blush H, then goes on to shoot Bow H in a duel to the death. These are the first murders that he is known to have committed directly, without the use of war as an excuse or a car crash as a buffer. Reports persist, though unsubstantiated, that Cupid was crying during these acts ...

1925: After five years of being in charge of the family business, Cupid H goes into an unexplained exile, leaving the company with no head and no direction ...

1930: A further five years of absence end with a secret reappearance in Raspberry Hearts. Cupid infiltrates the bachelor challenge of his sister Rose Quartz H, using Grey Tundora as a proxy to eliminate all competition. By the time only he and the person who will marry her remain, Cupid reveals himself to her, and--

“Cassie?”

“Mm?” She jolts herself back into the room in time to see a body in the doorway. “Yeah, Mom?”

“Are you okay? I've called up to you four times.”

Oh crap... first too little time has passed, now apparently far too much. “Sorry, I've just been doin' a spot of reading up. I'm fine.”

Mom Two doesn't budge. “I hope you did some of your homework before--”

“Oh, this is homework... sorta. Extracurricular – y- nothing you’d understand,” she reassures a little too quickly for her own mouth.

“What of, hon? Anything in particular?”

Yeesh, what is this, the Inquisition? I'm keepin' him waiting... “Just stuff, Mom. School stuff? That's what extracurricular means. And if I don't get back to it soon it'll be extra-extracurricular, so if y’all could... y’know...?”

The face in the door twists, disconcerted, confused. “Are you sure you're okay? You're not normally so ornery. If there's anything wrong, you know you can tell me and Laverne, don't you?” That look, backed with the sadness under her words, brings mollified shame to Castor's cheeks.

“No, nuffin's wrong. Sorry, didn't mean to shout; s'been a heck of a day, is all. I'm okay, though, honestly,” she adds before more worry can spawn from that. “Promise.”

This, at least, seems placating enough, since her parent smiles again. “Promise promise?”

“Yup. And if I'm wrong, sic Mom One on me in the morning.”

“I will. Anyway, I'm near about past going, so I'm heading to bed. Don't stay up too long now, will you?”

“I won't,” says Castor, already acutely aware of how much of a lie that could turn out to be. “Night, Momma.”

“G'night, little spark.”

And thus Mom Two finally departs, leaving her child to dive back into research, first online then back to off, under the watching eyes of a man briefly seen.

It's little surprise that she sleeps late, book tucked under the pillow; yet, inexplicably, she still jolts awake just before sunrise. She dreamt mostly of Cupid. She couldn't help it. A man so mysterious, powerful, and – judging by the hand pressed between her legs – experienced could invade the dreams of anyone if he desired it. (The fact that he would be several years her senior doesn't cross her mind, addled with mingling red and white splatter stains as it is.)

She spends so much time scrutinizing the parts of the chapter she missed over breakfast that she clean forgets to make up her usual teapot-ponytails. The excess hair weighs more than usual at her nape, a pleasantly strange sensation; few comment on it when she gets into school. At this point, they tend to let her more unconventional fashion choices slide.

Well... most of them do. As morning drags her kicking and screaming into the sticky, perpetual hours of lunch period, an exception first seeded years ago is set to prove the rule.

“Hey, Cassie. What's a gal like you doing in the boy's bathroom?”

Ignore him. Just ignore him. Focus on freshening up.

“Helloooo? I said, what's a gal like you doin--”

“That ain't gonna work, Lemonlips. I'm in too bad a mood.” Focus, focus. Sweep 'cross the eyelid, left to right...

Merlot barks out a laugh that morphs into a gravelly hack halfway through, courtesy of the cigarette aflame in his pale-green hand. “Shit, you're always in a bad mood now. What the hell happened to your sense of humor, babe?” he drawls, lingering on the final word as though it in itself is an insult.

Nothing, your sense of humor just switched into makin' me the butt of every joke when you worked out I was trans, her mind snarls, fingers curling around the eyeshadow brush. But there's no sense in voicing that. She's explained it to him before, even before their friendship dissolved, and he's never gotten it. Out of ignorance or malice, she still doesn't know.

Thank Christ he was in none of her classes today. After the morning she's had – distracted by a roaring beauty, sidelined by a surprise pop quiz in her worst subject, caught passing a note to Floss in Biology – more of Merlot than is necessary would turn her into the very being in the photo.

“I'm only saying that with you saying you're a girl all the time and wearing your hair like a girl and putting on that f-” he stalls, apparently thinking better of it – “makeup like a girl, you oughta be in the bathroom with the other girls. Sue me for making a good point every once in a while.”

A swift wave of red across the other eye. She loves this color; it puts more emphasis on the contrast within her pupils and less on the zit that’s somehow appeared in her eyebrow, what the hell? “Last week I was in the girl's bathroom, and you kicked up a stink about that too. Made out like I was a predator, remember?”

“Jesus Christ, I was only jok--”

“Yeah, well, it weren't funny. It were sick.” On to the next shade in her kit, a deeper hue this time, reminiscent of roses and blood... She wonders how often Cupid saw this color in his line of work. “Besides, everywhere else is full up today, so I'm stuck in here with you--”

“Riiight, right, gotcha,” says her fellow Berry dismissively. “Can't stand the thought of them being prettier than you.”

“It's not--”

“Don't lie, it's always been like that.” He stubs out his smoke on the wall, leaving one of many little marks on the linoleum. “Envy's your Achilles heel, babe, your deadly sin. That's why you broke it off with me, that's why you decided you were a girl – cus you knew you could never match up to what I've got to offer if you just stayed a boy like I asked.”

Her teeth grit together... is she being particularly touchy today, or he particularly aggravating? “Lemonlips, you know for a fact that's not true. I--”

“Bullshit it's not!”

Pain erupts in ear and vision both – “Gyah!” – he's much closer and louder than before, and the alarm's made her jab the brush through her closed lids and into the actual eyeball. “Sunnuva... ” Owww, she thinks as she pulls it out, sending an ugly smear along her right cheekbone, that's gonna sting somethin' awful.

“Sorry. Y-you okay?” she hears beyond the ringing. “Didn't... fuck your face up, did I?” There's a tremble in the tone, an off-key one. Did that actually...? Blinking the injured eye rapidly, she cracks open the other, casts it at him – Adam's apple quivering, but a smile in the mouth and the...

Laughing. The son of a bitch is still laughing.

The brush falls to the floor. Her hand reaches immediately, instead, for her standard trusty watch enclosed in a trouser pocket. By all rights she ought to have done this the second he saw her, but she had to give him a chance, didn't she? Like she does every single... ugh. She prays this time will be quick. Calm and quick.

“Uh, w- what are you doing?” the idiot says, still trying to stifle his guffaws.

“You know what I'm doing,” she replies, evenly. “What's important is what you're doin'. Doing.”

“Oh please, you think I'm gonna fall for that again? I'm getting wise to your tricks, Cas-”

But she is wiser. “No tricks, Merlot. Think about what you're doing. Think about what you're saying. Think about how you're breathing. Think about that breath, caught in your chest. Let it out for me.” The rhythm to her words is coming naturally, as is the subtle swing of the watch, a distraction to the other's eye. Even in their early days, he was drawn to this. “Let the breath in. Let the breath out. Focus on that. The breath in, the breath out. Focus on the breath. Focus on my voice, focus on the watch. Let us fade, let us stay, stay where you can see us. Focus on the breath and the voice and the watch.”

“Yyou're...” The protest is stoppered; he's already slurring.

“Focus on the voice and the watch. On the voice, the watch. The voice. Only the voice. Let the voice guide you. Let me do the work. Focus on the voice. Ignore how your eyes droop. Ignore how your tongue feels heavy. Ignore how your bones slouch. Focus on the voice telling you this. Focus all of your being on the voice. Ignore your tiring. Focus on the voice. Focus... and sleep.”

And he's slack against the wall, dropping to the floor in a well-executed trance state.

There. Now maybe he can shut up. Castor retrieves the brush from the ground, repacks her makeup kit, slips it and the watch into her bag. She's still got a while before class begins again. She can grab a snack from the cafeteria, she decides. Fix her eyeshadow elsewhere, add some blush. Read some more about...

She pauses in front of the door.

On any other day – on the same day, in any other world – this pause would be brief. She would shake it off, swing open and out into the school as herself. The satisfaction of seeing him down for the count would be enough, enough to quell everything, the haunting of her dream, the reminder of what was and what's to come. That would be the end of it.

On this day, she turns back.

A slow approach to her former friend. A discarding of the backpack. A lowering onto bended knees to see him up close. His yellow buzzcut is coarse, a shaved pattern disappearing. The insectine lines across his face are slack in slumber. Long eyelashes rest upon cheeks.

This much is true – he was pretty to her, once upon a time. But there is greater beauty than her own to compare him to, now.

He's not wearing his usual scarf; it's a warm sort of day, so it doesn't call for it, she supposes. The uniform looks incomplete without it, though. Too small for his body, too wide for his neck. His neck. Exposed, thin. The lump of a voicebox within is less clear, hidden by its stretching out, its length. She looks more carefully – there's a vein, or perhaps another birthmark of the skin, crawling to his chin.

It occurs to her, looking at it, how fragile a neck can be. There's only skin and blood protecting the windpipe, and not even that much of it. Anything could sever it, whatever the sharpness. A knife. A pen. A hand. Two hands.

Those of a criminal. Those of a hypnotist.

--three in that car crash, one got shot, one got strangled--

The bathroom at once seems much wider and taller than before, swamping them both. A dizzy Castor looks at her fingers again – red with makeup, green with potential.

Could I-? Could I...?

--the first murders that he is known to have committed directly--

She finds herself reaching out, softly, towards the breathing vessel. Two fingers, a thumb. A pulse underneath. He doesn't stir; the trance must be deep. So very...

He wouldn't even notice. He wouldn't wake. He'd never wake again, would he? No more of those thinly-veiled jokes. No more memories, tainted. No one hurt by him ever again.

And the ocean within her head would stop crashing at the shores of the skull.

--Cupid strangles Blush H--

Left hand joins right. Both fasten, like a collar, around the sleeping Merlot's throat.

Solid ridges form under her touch, columns of muscle. Tighter; the drumbeat rises, a steady rhythm. Tighter; she feels it when he subconsciously swallows. A circle smaller by degrees, the more she squeezes, her grip steadying with each of her own inhales and exhales. Calm and quick.

Calm and quick. Don't get carried away. Don't waste this. Could never waste this. Is she hearing herself, or him, or Him? Who's pretending to be her? Is this pretension? Too many questions. Too much air in the body of this waste of space, his arrogant being, his brother. Flush it out, flush it all out. Let oxygen drip away.  

A quickening of the arteries – a fluttering, a stirring. Dammit. Merlot's coming out, he's aware, he's seeing the vice grip and the body attached to the grip and the eyes of red and green and blue that see him too. He tries to gulp in alarm, to shriek... it won't help. How can it help if he can't breathe to do it? He struggles underneath her, fails to back away, to press forward. His own limbs, ineffectual, reach up to grab hers, to pull her away from this most vital of tasks. A begging for mercy, when he offered her none. A chance to let go.

She presses harder.

He croaks, panics, claws at her haphazardly, barely scratching the surface, much less the spirit; they're limp before he knows it. He's kicking out now, but she isn't dislodged. He has no quarter in this battle, this war, this slaughter. Not anymore. Not now she can sense that nothing's passing through, nothing in, nothing out. Focus on the breath. Hah – focus on the lack of breath. Focus on the blood vessels bursting, tinting the whites of him. Focus on the single tear. Focus on the fear, the danger, the regret, rising, then falling, fading, fading away...

When her own trance lifts, her palms can no longer feel his heart.

Castor finds herself unable to move at first. Then, gradually, carefully, she peels away from him, shuffles back to get a better look at this: her destruction. The body is unchanged on the fundamental level; buzzcut, filled with lines, lashes thick. But it's only a shell. Merlot, as she knew him, as grew up with her, as turned on her, simply isn't there, a victim of his own cocoon.

...no, not of that. A victim of me, she thinks. Thinks again. Victim. Killed. Killed him. It's almost tuneful. I just killed him. I've literally just killed a man. Didn't even need a car to do it. Just hands. 

Wonder if anyone heard me doing it. ...wait, what if they did? What if they find his body? This is going to get out eventually. Lots of things do in this school. What if it does and they find out I did it? What if they see my fingerprints? What would Moms think? What would Mr Piper think? Floss, Sam, wh- what would...

What would He think?

The bag's been dislodged, somehow, in the scuffle. She pulls it back to her, as though in a dream. An errant streak of pink is on the front cover; she can clean that up later. What's important is Page 74, and the Cupid within. The restrained rage. The black and white look that's...

changed. Everything that was within before has coalesced into one emotion. She doesn't have to guess to know it's for her, or to know what it is.

Pride.

The world is suddenly and startlingly hot and cold and wet. She crushes the book to her chest, His picture flat against her heart by coincidence or design. At the same time, there's a smell of ichor and bone and fog, wrapping around her legs. The walls rumble motionlessly.

Of two things, Castor is certain in this moment. First: that Death has come to take the carcass, the damning evidence, of Merlot Lemonlips away. Second: that she will love Cupid Hawthorne for the rest of her limited existence.

#sims 3 #ts3 #writing #castor erkens #death/ #murder/ #strangulation/ #neck injury/ #choking/ #neck trauma/ #homophobia/ #transphobia/ #they who cannot be escaped

[clownmoontoon]

was tagged by this good nerd egg @arr-jim-lad♡

My last:

Drink: water

Phone call: pizza hut \(ouo)/

Text message: omg i havent sent a text in years unless skype counts but i think this just means phone u_u

Song you listened to: London by Benjamin Clementine (omg what a melancholy song to list)

Time you cried: WHILE WATCHING MY HERO ACADEMIA SO MUCH CRYING I LOVE ALL MIGHT AND DEKU

Have I ever:

Dated someone twice: nop

Kissed someone and regretted it: nope they have all been good smooches U3U

Been cheated on: no

Lost someone special: do doggies count ;;

Been depressed: sighs yes

Gotten drunk and thrown up: ew no i cant stand the taste of most alcohol anyway haha

Three favorite colors: RAINBOWS oh thats more than three...theennn pink, blue, and neon green!! \(ouo)/

In the last year you have:

Made new friends: uh...no i dont think so :0c had all my friends for more than a year i think! THATS AWESOME OMG IVE NEVER HAD FRIENDS FOR THIS LONG \(QUQ)/

Fallen out of love: not w a person but w like..tv shows and stuff //gazes longingly @ classic simpson eps and sighs

Laughed until you cried: YES

Found out someone was talking about you: //LAUGHS WELP YEAH

Meet someone who changed you: i do not leave the house :0

Found out who your friends are: ??? how do you have friends but dont know who they are i dont get it??

Kissed someone on your Facebook list: whats a facebook

How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl: WHAT IS A GODDAMN FACEBOOK

Do you have any pets: 3 precious puppos UuU/

Do you want to change your name: dont think so!

What did you do for your last birthday: stuffed my face w sushi like a got damn animal LIKE A BEAR SNATCHING SALMON FROM THE FALLS just shoving them in my snoot w my bear claws i love sushi and its usually only a birthday treat >:0c

What time did you wake up: 9 am \(ouo)/

What were you doing at midnight last night: messing w my stamps on my da page i think, I CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY STAMPS

Name something you cannot wait for: *HEAVY BREATHING* NEW HERO-ACA EPS

When was the last time you saw your mom: she is on the couch adjacent to me watching tv

What are you listening to right now: tv, so you think you can dance is on but honestly after watching jlo’s world of dance this show kinda pales in comparison THEN AGAIN JABBAWOCKEEZ LOST TO A BUNCH OF TEEN BOYS IN KHAKIS SO IDK WHAT THE FUCK

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no

Something that is getting on your nerves: my hunger

Most visited website: i bet its deviantart tbh >:0c

Hair color: PINK \(OUO)/

Long or short hair: kinda in between atm? to my shoulder, whatever that counts as

Do you have a crush on someone: YES, MY LOVE OFC \(OUO)/

What do you like about yourself: my sense of humor and how much my art has improved in just a year!! \(QUQ)/

Blood type: A+

Nickname: moon! \(OUO)/

Relationship status: happily taken and totally in love UuU/

Zodiac sign: aquarius

Pronouns: she/her/they i guess but i wont get offended if you call me “he” i’ll p much only be offended if you call me “it” HAHA

Favorite Tv show: shows im currently actively watching atm which are total faves are: my hero academia, steven universe, my little pony, and bob’s burgers \(ouo)/

Tattoos: SOON

Right or left handed: right

Surgery: ive never done it, and dont recommend anyone coming to me for surgery tbqh

Sport: i run in the mornings!

Vacation: isnt that the thing people w money do

Trainers, sneakers or tennis shoes: shoes

More general:

Eating: pasta, pizza, sushi, and chicken sandwiches from wendy’s probably

Drinking: mostly water, the occassional coke if im feelin it, the very rare vanilla coke if i feel like treating myself UuU/

I’m about to: eAT

Waiting for: MY HERO-ACA PLS COME BACK

Want: F O O D AND ANIME

Get married: ye some time

Career: freelance artist uwu)7

Which is better:

Hugs or kisses: WHY NOT BOTH \(O3O)/

Lips or eyes: always eyes!!

Shorter or taller: taller otherwise i feel like a mom holding a kid’s hand instead of couple-y haha

Older or younger: i wouldve always said older but my bf is actually a year younger >:I

Nice arms or nice stomach: i would never want rude arms or a rude stomach so how am i to choose :0c

Hook-up or relationship: RELATIONSHIPS - GIMMIE ROMANCE GIMMIE FRIENDSHIP I EAT THAT SHIT UP I WANNA HOLD HANDS W EVERYOOONNNEEE

Troublemaker or hesitant: im a clown UoU

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: nop

Drank hard liquor: every liquor feels like hard liquor to me haha pls no

Lost glasses or contact lenses: cant lose what you dont have \(ouo)/

Turned someone down: akjfdghsd yes and i feel so bad every time im sORRY

Sex on the first date: uh...trick question...mine and my bf’s first date in person was different than the average “first date” since we had been talking online for months //NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE IM JUST CURIOUS WHAT ARE THE PARAMETERS OF THIS QUESTIONS //SWEATS

Broken someone’s heart: ye u_u

Had your heart broken: ye u_u

Been arrested: no i am a good egg

Cried when someone died: ive never personally known a person well enough to cry when they died i cried a lot when my doggy died tho ;;

Fallen for a friend: ye i cant wait to marry that friend someday hehe >:3c

Do you believe in:

Yourself: I REALLY DO AND IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE ABLE TO HONESTLY SAY \(((QUQ)))/

Miracles: ye!

Love at the first sight: not really no, more like “infatuation at first sight” haha

Santa Claus: WELL I MEAN HE’S BASED ON A REAL PERSON SO

Kiss on the first date: i just wanna kiss everyone all the time u3u

Angels: ye! \(ouo)/

Other:

Current best friends name: JIM \(OUO)/ //smooches his precious face i love him what a good egg U3U <3<3

Eye color: v dark brown! i have been asked if im wearing black contacts haha

Favorite movie: TOO MANY OH NOO but to name a few; Toy Story, Aladdin, Larry Crowne, Sing, Chocolat, When Marnie Was There, Whisper of the Heart, Spirited Away, Kiki’s Delivery Service.. aND LOTS MORE THIS IS HARD

#clown honks #ITS HILARIOUS TO SEE HOW DIFFERENT MINE AND JIM'S ANSWERS WERE OMG #THIS MEME TOOK ME WAY LONGER THAN I ANTICIPATED #i can never remember the stuff i like when put on the spot wHO EVEN AM I #i didnt tag anyone but feel free to do the thing if u wanna! #its 4 minutes til midnight oh my god this took me like 4 hours what teh fcu k

[uniformbravo]

bloop heres a post abt my 3-day trip to san diego B)

this was just gonna be a list of highlights but i ended up talking about a lot so it’s more like a Kind Of The Highlights But I Got A Little Carried Away list

it was a 2 hr drive so i put on some tunes & forced everyone in the car to listen to my thousands of anime ops and piano covers it was *fire emoji* (im not on mobile)

at the end jaelin said she couldn’t hear it the whole time rip

made myself carsick looking at mob psycho memes while we looked for a parking spot at the museum for 20 minutes (it was worth it they were good memes)

the museum we went to had a whole gaming thing going on where they just had a shitload of games out for ppl to play & one of them was just dance projected onto like an entire wall basically & i mean i didnt play but it was fun watching my mom try her best 

she played against two of my sisters who both beat her by more than double her score hgdhgksd bye mom

got a nauseating headache in the science museum & took the opportunity to sit down & look at more mob psycho memes for 35 minutes while the advil kicked in

felt better by the time we went to see this fuckin movie about national parks in the us but idk it was like. the whole reason my mom wanted to go to san diego was to see this movie bc they were getting rid of it soon & after seeing it i can see why they’re taking it out kjgkdjgksd like!!! it would’ve been cool if it told u shit about the parks like fauna and flora shit but it had this dumb little narrative abt these three campers traveling to each park & fucking around & i looked over at jaelin at one point & she was asleep & i was like same

im being too hard on it, it was kind of interesting to watch and had some cool visuals but the acting was pretty embarrassing & unnecessary, i wish it would’ve tried to be a documentary instead of entertaining. that’s my Professional Review of this random movie they’re removing forever soon, hope u enjoyed

realized i had more free time at the hotel than i thought i would & v heavily regretted not bringing my tablet to draw aaaaaahhhhh it was ok tho bc i brought my big sketchbook so i just drew in there B)

i’ve been drawing a lot of terukis i think i accidentally discovered a hidden love for him on the midnight shores of the san diego bay

(what i actually discovered is that he’s v easy to project a rly specific part of myself onto hgkdgksdjkgjsdk)

rented bikes to ride by the bay & it was super fun bc i havent ridden a bike in a long time but like. the second half started getting really hard for me & i thought i was just weak shit bc i literally never exercise but then i realized my back tire had gone flat hfdjghsd my legs were..... so sore

also the seat was shaped weird so my ass was sore for the rest of the trip. it’s still sore tbh. i have a bruised ass

went to a model train museum which was pretty cool bc the little towns had little people & jaelin and i were making up stories for them (my favorite recurring joke was pointing out ppl that had fallen over & calling them dead)

after the trains we made a spur-of-the-moment decision to stay a third day to see more museum shit bc why not so we managed to grab a room at a new hotel and #Locked In our decision

on the way to the second hotel we got a flat tire so i was like convinced i was cursed bc wtf it was literally on the same day???

while we waited for the tire repair i got a pink lemonade from taco bell and it was amazing i can’t believe i ever thought piece of shit sprite was worth even looking at over this

ok so i need to talk about the second hotel we stayed at because it was... literally the fanciest hotel i have ever stayed at in my entire 22 year old life

it was a mariott?? but a fuckin Fancy Mariott ok first of all we were on the 19th floor which just..... what the fuck

floor level was the 6th floor, this bitch went underground (though that might have just been the parking garage idk)

the lobby bathroom was like. jesus christ. to flush the toilet u wave ur hand over a sensor??? what’s wrong with just automatic toilets???? why are these toilets so extra????? i couldn’t even get it to work for so long jgkjdkgsd i hate technology

also there were moist towelettes sitting in a neatly folded pile by the sinks like what even. i thought it was paper towels but then it was wet

the lobby also had this fancy-ass bar/lounge where they served starbucks but u had to have a room key to get in i think

in the elevators to get to the rooms you can’t even enter the floor level until you hold your key card against a sensor like what the fuck..... we had to get some strangers to tell us how to do it gjdks i bet if we hadn’t been able to figure it out the elevator wouldve just dropped us 12 floors to our death like Access Denied, Assholes

the room itself was super fucking cramped tho which makes sense like if im gonna be able to afford anything at a place like this u better believe it’s gonna be the size of a damn peanut. it was the fanciest peanut ive ever seen in my life tho

the view was uhh we were directly across from some tall office building so at night u could like see into all the rooms it was kinda cool but also weird

there was a jar of hershey’s kisses on the coffee table when we got there but it was dark chocolate so like get the fuck outta here with that shit how dare you assault Mine Eyes (i ate like 4)

it rly was a tiny room tho and it didnt help that there were 5 of us rip... like there was a main room and a bedroom and a bathroom and already that’s making it sound bigger than it was hgkdjgskd 

but even tho it was small it had a lot like.. there was a kitchenette that was big enough for like 1 person to stand there but it had a fridge/freezer, sink, dishwasher, toaster, microwave, cupboards & coffeemaker like there was so much shit crammed in there, this wasn’t no minimalist living space it was just. a lot crammed into one tiny floor plan

anyway yeah it was really bizarre for me to be in a place like that & i just constantly felt like i didn’t belong there but that was mostly my anxiety lol i really dont like being in fancy places in general idk. it was still kinda fun tho

the natural history museum was cool, they had a bunch of animal skulls & taxidermy which i thought was pretty neat. all their dinosaur stuff was in the basement tho which u had to pay extra to see which like. bye

they did have some cool movies tho, they were like nature documentaries, one on marine biology around baja california and the other on animals of the galapagos & those were pretty neat, way better than that national parks shit we saw at the science center jgkdjkskdkdjg 

ok so this one’s more of a buildup over the 3 days so im gonna give a lil 3-part summary

day 1: we went to panda express for dinner & i had leftovers so i was like “sweet im saving these for when we get home” (bc the hotel had a fridge right)

day 2: got a rly good burger from a vegan place, my brother got the same one but didnt want his second half so i was like “cool more leftovers im gonna have so much good food when we get home this is perfect”

day 3: fucKIGN LEFT BOTH CONTAINERS IN THE FRIDGE ACCIDENTALLY WHEN WE CHECKED OUT HKDJFLSKDG i was literally so good about it the first two days like when we switched hotels i made sure not to forget them and i held onto them & everything & then halfway through the third day i was like “SHIT”

it’s ok tho bc for dinner that 3rd day we did panda again & i got the same thing so i have the same leftovers again hehehehehe

ok i think that’s basically everything & im not just saying that bc it’s 1:45 am and ive been working on this for like an hour and a half at this point.,.,. overall it was pretty fun, i think i liked the bikes & those animal movies the best... also the drive out bc i got to play my music lmfao (i love sharing my music ok)

anyway the end thank u

#retag later #today posts #oops this is rly long but uhh it was all over the course of 3 days so its fine

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey journal,

i have a lot on my mind and my heart and i think i need to pray about it but i also think im too afraid to give it up to God bc I know in my heart what I need to do and I don’t want to face the truth. I would much rather block out the sound with things of the world and drown my sorrows away.

But yesterday, not last night, but the night prior, I had a dream where I apologized to James in person and we had a heartfelt conversation. And while we didnt make up, it felt like the beginning of forgiveness. I assumed he would just brush it off and say, “oh. thanks but it’s fine,” or something along the lines of that but he didnt. he confessed that he was really hurt by the mean things that i had previously said to him and i repeatedly apologized and expressed my deep sorrow and regret towards him. and it felt really great. but in reality, i am so so so so so scared. not even scared. i am absolutely terrified to actually pick up the courage to do it. i thought i was hyping myself up to do it pretty well for this sunday but i just recently realized that sarah chong’s bday party is on saturday and i could easily just not go and use my ASO meeting as an excuse bc i feel like he would be there. and the thought of having to tell him on saturday left me petrified. i just. i cant. i cant. i cant i cant i cant. i am so afraid. and i know this is something that i need to do or else i will always be beating myself over it and wondering what wouldve happened if just said something and i know that i need to do it but God, I am so scared. God, please oh please provide me with the faith and strength to do so. To be real and genuine and communicate my deepest regret towards bc I really was such an awful person and i feel awful about it. But it’s something that I know I just need to do. I already told Judy to help keep me accountable and I think that she will but I just. Sigh. I am so worried and concerned and scared. I feel so scared. Scared that I’ll be judged? Brushed off? Laughed at? I honestly don’t know but I do know that I am scared.

The first couple weeks that I was here were pretty awkward and weird and I think bc I was still so afraid of how my life would be like here. I was afraid that Katie and Loren would just keep to themselves again and I would be lumped with Ryan. I was afraid that after everything that happened, things would just go back to the way they were before. And because of that, I felt really bitter for having returned at all and unintentionally took it out on my loved ones. I couldn’t have a good time with Andrew, David, or Sofia for my first few nights here, no matter how hard I tried. My heart just wasnt in it and I wasnt up for putting on a pretty face and acting like I’m my typical happy-go-lucky self when I’m not. I was just so bitter and tired and didn’t have the mental energy to do anything. On Sunday, people I thought were my somewhat friends would see me and not even say, “hi.” And thinking back on it, I’m wondering if they were waiting for me to make the first move before talking to me and think I’m the cool one in this situation? Regardless, I felt nervous and scared enough already as is and them just totally ignoring me just made me feel even worse. I don’t want to see those people again bc I know how scared and miserable I feel. But I also can’t just give up on them and Sa-Rang without trying first. A lot of good has come from that place for me and I really am beyond grateful. And I owe it to God, them, and myself to at least put in the effort to try and make things work before just giving up and moving away. I would feel too much like a coward then and I already spent so much of my life living in that kinda style. I don’t want to keep running away. I want to face things head on.

While I’ve been home, I’ve been forced to get up close and personal with all my past fears, worries, and insecurities. There are good things about being home but there are also bad parts too and yes, I have been reminded of those bad parts during my stay. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s just an opportunity for me to face those parts head on and finally confront, overcome, and grow from them. I won’t let them drag me down but I will acknowledge that they were a part of who I was and still am. And I am growing but how will anyone ever know that if I’m always too afraid to show that side of myself? I just need to be bold and do it! Just do it Jessica! Just do it!

Yesterday, I had a really good conversation with both my sister and Katie during different times of the day. My sister in the morning and Katie at night. I shared my dream with my sister and my fears and she told me that I should just tell me bc if he doesnt take it well then thats on him. But if I never say anything, I’ll spend my life beating myself up over it, wondering what would have happened if I did. And she was right. And I know that this is just something that I have to do. 

This is just a quick sidenote before I get back into and talk about my conversation last night with Katie but, I just spent some time with Loren and Ryan ordering pizzas for dinner and it really helped me to calm down just to talk and be with them and I’m feeling a lot better and more at peace now. I’m really grateful for them. A couple days ago, I realized that we all treat Ryan pretty poorly and he always gets the short end of the stick and I felt pretty bad. And I know that I’ve been pretty desperate to win Katie’s affection bc I really look up to her. She’s usually calm, mature, super talented artistically, has a good sense of style, and overall seems like an older version of me. Maybe not in a year but in the future and I’ve always looked up to her. And I think bc she doesnt always get along with Ryan, I didn’t want to either and followed suit. But no one has really given him the time of day recently and it’s just been constant teasing from one to the next and I felt pretty bad so last night when we all went out to Huntington Beach, I didn’t want to care about what Loren and Katie thought or saw. I was going to make an effort with Ryan. And we all ended up getting along really well and I think that’s been one of the most memorable nights of the trip. And when I later confessed these feelings to Katie during our talk(wow transition!), she was really touched at how much I cared for him and how sweet my heart was. I shared about how miserable I felt in high school and my feelings of needing to escape and how being back at home has made me confront those fears head on and she shared about her experience and her relationship with her parents and how she felt that there was a condition to her parent’s love. Like unless she acted better than Ryan, they wouldnt love her just as they dont love him and she was so afraid of that. And I was crying but not in a bad way. More like the waterworks just naturally flowed out of my eyes but it felt really good to finally share how I’ve felt for so long. About my admiration and fears and worries and concerns and just being able to get them out in the open and for her to be so willing to listen and understand meant so much to me. I definitely want to take a picture of them both and write them both heartfelt letters before they leave back home. One for their mom too! I didn’t think I would get along with her so well on this trip but bc we’re both so blunt and upfront about everything, we actually get along super well! 

I’ve been feeling pretty sick the past few days so that’s sucked but even though the beginning of this trip was a little bit rocky with constant teasing, I’m really glad that we’re able to have these heart to heart moments with each other. Even earlier, when I just played a few card games with Ryan or when I sided with him and called Katie and uncultured swine, it felt so great! He was so shocked and proud of me and we high fived at dinner and it was amazing! And I really am so glad for this opportunity. For them to be here and for us to spend some quality time with them. I am so gracious and joyous. Thank you so much for this time together God. Thank you.

Amen.

#reflection

[crusty-the-snowman]

THE AU

How to train your dragon au Humans: Michael Jake Chloe Jenna Christine Dragons Rich - flame whipper Jeremy: night fury Mr.Heere: also nightfury fight me The squip: blue death (haha like red death) Brooke: Nadder? Changewing? Take this while I'm playing my How To Train Your Dragon Game SO Michael works as a blacksmith And so do his moms, Its kind of a family thing for them Michael, Jake, Jenna, Chloe and Christine are in training to learn how to slay dragons But theyre bad at working as a group, and on their own Christine and Jake tend to be spacey and were awful at keeping an eye on the dragons And Michael really just knows how to make weapons, not so much use them The people who stood the best chance were Jenna who honestly jyst likes studying dragons so she knows a lot about them And Chloe whos very good with weapons But those two couldnt work together very well. Mr.Reyes is dissapointed in his latest students. Michaels moms assured him its okay and if he can still be a blacksmith Its somewhat assuring, but not quite for Michael personally Jake would say his parents were dissapointed in him but they were taken by dragons, It wouldve made him a chief, but because hes so young Chloe parents were put in charge until Jakes old enough During a dragon raid one night Michael tried to shoot a Night Fury only to find himself horrifically missing and dissapointed in himself During said raid a couple dragons even go out of their cages A couple days later Michael went to gather wood only to find Night Fury scales Upon following them he found a A Night Fury with its legs wrapped up in a net in an odd way like it got itself tangled Michael with nothing else he can do with it, started to try and check out this strange dragon and document it the best he could. Only upon trying to look at its legs, unwrapped it just enough for the dragon to get away and found it didnt try to kill him. Because it was getting late Michael had to go home. The next day he went to retrieve the rope (he realized it could still be used) and noticed there were tracks assumedly from the Night Fury, but they looked bigger than he remembered Long story short Michael followed the tracks and finds the Night Fury. It doesnt appear injured but it appears VERY clumsy and occupied with a pond its trying to catch fish in. But Michael with a lack of planning for this to happen decides to start writing in a notebook the things he notices about the Night Fury from a distance. When he gets home he beings the rope back and lets his moms know he found it, (which theyre very proud of him for doing) So Michael starts leaving to study this Night Fury more, thinking he could be like the botanists that wrote the book of dragons and be really good at this. His moms are mainly happy hes found taking walks to be a sort of nice hobby He also notes Jake leaving late at night often as Michael comes back around the same time and maybe because hes really gay for Jake (this is relevant) After one very long day thats turning into night Michael realises something that he can't find an explanation for while watching this night fury hes dubbed Jeremy 1. Jeremy can't seem to hunt for himself but he seems well fed 2. Jeremy definitely doesnt match the size of the tracks he followed to him that seem to still match the shape of his foot Because he's stayed out so late though Michael gets his answer Theres the sound of a thud outside of the tunnel and in a panic he scrambles all the way inside the cave just barely out of the way to see another larger Night Fury to come in that definitely better matches the tracks he follwed The size difference suggests and same species suggests maybe this Jeremys dad. Which seems confirmed when he finds this is the the one who seems to be feeding Jeremy And it makes a lot more sense now Michael shot the net and missed hitting the Night Fury he was aiming for, but Jeremy was the one who ended up tangled up in it. For now Michael intends to leave but trying to go towards the tunnel doesnt go well when he drops his notebook Because of this in a matter of minutes hes stuck in place with a large Night Furry towering over him and huffing Michaels pretty sure this is it for him and closes his eyes regretting his life choices Until this Night Fury sneezed and proceeded to puke a fish on him like it puked fish up for Jeremy. And its clear he was just sniffing Michael and seemed to see him as a not a threat (unbeknownst to Michael its partially because Michaels been collecting NightFury scales that Jeremys been shedding and led to him smelling like him) Its also noteable Jeremy didn't take notice of Michael until his dad moved towards him. And as jeremys dad was getting Jeremys attention instead of making any noise he would manage to touch jeremy first to get his attention And until this point jeremy never took notice of Michael before when he he'd dropped things so appeared Jeremy had hearing problems which possibly had affected Jeremys abilty to hunt With this Michael came home very late and ended up having to tell his moms the truth who were very worried about him Surprisingly they werent mad considering they let Michael talk and explain how Jeremy and his dad didnt attack him and Jeremys dad even tried to feed him. Michaels moms thought this was interesting because nobody known anything about Night Furys before and Michael has the scales to prove it. They promise not to tell because Michael and his moms also know Chloes parents wouldnt be as understanding and if they heard Michael suddenly befriended dragons For now Michael keeps going alone to visit Jeremy who hes now found is quite friendly and even stops caring when Michael doesnt vary the scales with that makes him smell like a Night Fury If anything Jeremy gets excited the moment he can smell Michael and even starts saving food for when Michael shows up. (Though Michael just pretends to eat it and later bring it back to feed Jeremys dad) Over time it seems like Michaels been improving at the academy for (understanding) and "defeating" dragons, though Jake just seems better at dodging and being ignored by them Over time Michael even gets the idea to see if Jeremy can fly since hes yet to see it and one night hangs out to wait for Jeremys dad to also show up It's becomes apparent by comparison Jeremy has a weirdly formed tail wing which with a lack of hearing might mean Jeremy has some birth defects  [que some of Michael getting help from his moms to make a prosthetic similar to the movie] Michael then waits till Jeremys dad returns in hopes to fly with him and that way he can also count on him to teach Jeremy to fly assuming Jeremy hasnt been able to prior The first attempt is rough as Jeremy finds Michael cannot hold on if theyre flying upside down, but Mr.Heere is big enough he manages to grab Michael by the back of his shirt and carry Jeremy to the ground very carefully The next couple attemps was Michael and Jeremy learning to work together to fly and jeremy being taught to fly by jers dad who just so happy his son and the weird small fleshy dragon he's befriended are able to fly with him together Also in this time (maybe also because flying was way fun and Michael felt like he could do anything if he could help Jeremy fly) Michael finds the courage to ask out Jake and happen to run into him when Jakes returning home in the dead of night. Jake seems very frantic in getting inside which makes Michael very worried until he hears a squawk but not a bird type squawk And Jake panics and asks Michael to promise he wont tell anyone about what hes doing if Jake let's him inside Michaels says yes and next thing he knows Jake has pulled him into a kiss for a moment before pulling him inside One of the dragons that had escaped to academy during a raid was a red and light blue Flamewhipper, a dragon resembling a gecko and used to constantly drop its tail and paralyze people making fighting it hard Well, Michael thought it escaped like everyone else until suddenly said dragon has crawled down from the ceiling to try and eat fish and a plant called ceriman Jake seems to have in his backpack. Jake named this dragon Rich and admits during the raid he'd taken the time to free Rich feeling like the dragons weren't bad and they were essentially tormenting the dragons in there. However Rich ended up following Jake to his house. Possibly because Jakes house is warm compared to outside and Rich is very fond of crawling in and laying on Jakes jacket So every night since, Jakes been feeding Rich who has yet to leave on his own and seems to be particularly fond of Jake himself to the point Jake has been sharing a bed with him Which now explains why dragons lately have been ignoring Jake as he shells like another dragon Michael doesnt give specifics but says he has a similar situation occuring that his moms know about and decides to stay over with how late it is Rich steals part of Jakes bed Michael also offers for his moms to help Jake feed Rich but Jake declines saying hes worried Rich might not be fond of many people Later that night Jake also apologizes for kissing Michael saying he's been crushing on him for awhile and only did it because he was greatful Michael wasn't going to tell anyone Jakes explanation for his actions is a big gay mood for Michael Michael also asks if he can kiss Jake again Jake says yes and they kiss for a moment until Rich squawks at them because Jake stopped petting him The next day Jake is introduced to Jeremy who thinks Jake is another small fleshy dragon and tries to play with him also sniffs him heavily because he smells Rich and "where is other dragon??!! I can smell him but hes not on this fleshy dragon?!??" Michael explains Jeremy cant hear and has dad that typically feeds him, he also cant fly which is what Michael helps him do with his prosthetic sort of tail Jeremy pukes fish on Jake and Michael tells him he typically feeds it to Jeremys dad later at night Michael also tells Jake hes welcome to come by to visit jeremy and his dad as long as Michael's there too incase Jeremys dad acts differemt towards Jake smelling like a different dragon Jake also asks if Michael and his moms could help make him a saddel like Jeremy has but for Rich Part 1 bc it wont let me post more on this