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marvelousell · 4 years

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The Agreement (Part 1.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them.

Word count: 2k

A/N: ahhhh so this is my first series that I’m posting here! I’ve went for the fwb!au but I will do a mob one soon too. It will be full of angst, smut, friendship, love, heartbreak, absolutely everything. I hope that you all will like it, and I would appreciate it if you comment, reblog or send a feedback!🥰

Also my tag list is open for the series!

Warnings: mentions of smut, swearing

It was a Friday night and that meant party all night.

Well not for you.

You weren’t a party girl. Sure you went here and there on some frat parties with your friends, but every Friday? Hell no.

The Friday nights were reserved for a book and a cup of tea.

You were a shy one, you kept your circle small. Tom, Harry, Anna and Amelia.

You were a big bookworm, and hopeless romantic. A great duo for sure.

Sometimes you felt like an ugly duckling. Amelia and Anna were gorgeous and appealing brunettes, just like other college girls, but with a great personality. They were a whole package if you asked me.

You would say that you were an average looking girl. Nothing to special.

You just wanted a guy that would love you for who you are on the inside, not outside.

Too much books, I know.

“Maybe it’s time to head to bed.” You said to yourself, after you caught yourself overthinking, again.

“Jesus Christ.” You sighed, the doorbell waking you up.

It was 20 minutes past midnight, and you were now worried who is at the door at this time.

“Again?” You groaned, rubbing your eyes.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but I really needed a break.” Tom spoke, running his palm through his messy hair and massaging his scalp.

You motioned him to the living room, styling your hair that was sticking out everywhere, as much as possible.

“Great, I look like a zombie.” You murmured to yourself as you went to the couch where Tom was seated.

“Want anything to drink or something else?”

“Yeah…something strong?” He said, pushing his back flat on the couch.

“You know that I only have wine here.”

“It will do the job.”

“So..will you tell me what is tonight’s reason for your visit?” Your figure sat next to Tom’s, enjoying a late glass of wine as well.

“She saw me with Stassie today, so she went bonkers.”

Ah. Typical Tom.

Well let’s go back to the start shall we?

If you were honest, there was a lot, but still nothing to tell that wasn’t familiar to everyone.

Tom. Your typical frat boy.

Hot guy, astonishing body, soft curly brown hair followed with the dark brown eyes that had every girl drooling. His charming smile that he flashed to every single girl, covered up his conceited behaviour. Although he was a very charismatic person, he was a bit big-headed.

Did I say a bit? I meant a lot.

Parties were his scene. Tom loved the attention he got from the people almost immediately when he would enter the party place. Girls were basically throwing themselves on him, waiting for him to acknowledge them.

Tom was aware of the effect he had on the ladies, and he sure took advantage of that.

Every weekend there was a new one in his sheets.

He didn’t do feelings, some girls knew, some didn’t. So the morning after he would throw them out of his room half naked, all shattered and with the disgusting feeling that they were used.

He had a reputation, after all he was the most wanted boy out here, everyone’s dream was to become something to him.

Unfortunately no one had succeeded.

Did Tom say she a minute ago? Oh yes.

She was Sophie. And no, she wasn’t his girlfriend, but she sure didn’t think that way.

Sophie was your classic example of a girl that doesn’t understand the word no.

She was one of Tom’s flings, a beautiful, but fake girl. They got together at her 20th birthday party, it was just a one time drunk sex. Tom waited for her to feel asleep after a long session, so he could just go home and get at least a little amount of sleep.

However the next day at college, Sophie was like a limpet.

She didn’t let him breathe, even though Tom explained how he worked.

To be rejected or not interested in her was a unknown term for Sophie.

“Look, we shared a night, had sex and that’s all. It’s how I roll sweetie okay?” He desperately tried to get her off of his back.

“Tommy, I know how you do things, but you can’t lie about the chemistry. We just need to be together. And the sex is amazing.”

And that’s how it started.

Tom was loud and clear, not just with her, but with his friends and other ladies that she isn’t his girl, and never will be.

He really hoped that Sophie would let him be after a while, and she really did, but Tom just couldn’t keep it in his pants.

The Spring party.

Everyone got shit-faced, Tom was super turned on by a sweet brunette that clearly wasn’t interested in his lame flirting.

Sophie came in for a refill in the kitchen, but she was a godsend for Tom at that moment.

“Soph, sweetie mind if I get you a drink?”

“Thought you were clear about your feelings for me Tommy?” She answered, playing with the end of her dress.

“Yeah, yeah..How about I get you that drink, and we could catch up on things, ya know like old times?” He crossed his arms on purpose, flexing his biceps.

“I knew you would come back.” Sophie laughed, wrapping her slim arms around him.

It happened again. And Tom left like the last time, but once again Sophie didn’t get the message.

It became much more harder for him to avoid her, she was all over the place. She ruined his possible hookups, tried to meet his friends, brothers. It was getting on his last nerve, and even though he said that he doesn’t do relationships, she didn’t give up.

Sophie just wanted to be in the spotlight, and Tom was a great opportunity.

“Dear God. I told you that this lifestyle of yours would cost you. You should’ve refrain yourself for one night. Now you have a fake and crazy girl on your back, and no freedom as well.” You said, secretly eyeing him, he was hot you couldn’t lie.

“Thanks for not helping Y/N. Fucking hell I just want her to disappear, she is hundred percent crazy!”

“Why don’t you for once think rationally. Call her, take her for a coffee, tea whatever, sit down. Talk. Like normal people, tell her how things are, use your magic. But be nice and direct, she needs to get it in her head.” You tried your best to help him, after all he was your best friend and crush since preschool.

Stupid choice I know.

“I think so, but I wouldn’t be surprised that she spreads the news that I took her on a ‘date’, not a ‘can you please fuck off’ coffee.” Tom spoke clearly annoyed, filling up his empty glass.

He was tipsy already, and so were you. The wine absolutely did the job.

You were now nervous, your heart thumping against your ribs, the silence wasn’t an issue between the two of you, but tonight something was different.

“Why are you laughing?” You questioned, looking at Tom.

“Nothing darling, just remembered the day at elementary school.”

“Oh God. Which one?”

“You know, when you almost punched Elizabeth when she said I gave her a flower, and that I’m her best friend now.” He looked at you smiling like a child.

“Hey! You couldn’t blame me I loved you, you were my bestie I thought you betrayed me!” You stated, turning your body to his.

“Oh loved?” He grabbed his chest, trying to look hurt, but failing after a loud laugh escaped from his lips.

Your hand slapped his chest playfully, as an answer.

“This wine is crazy, I’m definitely going to consume it more.” He spoke.

“Well you for sure will if Sophie freaks out again.”

“New bottle?” You asked, standing up, your legs wobbly from the alcohol that was running in your system.

“Sure, it’s a long night after all.”

You tried to be as relaxed as you could be, but Tom’s presence tonight didn’t let you be.

Tom was also tense, the wine messed with his mind, he didn’t got laid for days, and the silky white shorts of yours didn’t help him at all.

You were in front of him, opening a bottle, but he just couldn’t control himself. His eyes were glued on your slim legs and tits.

He knew that under those hoodies that you wear on a daily basis was an incredible body.

Tom finded you attractive, absolutely stunning. He thought about you on his bed, whining for him, he really did wanted to have sex with you, but he couldn’t. You were his best friend and Tom didn’t want to hurt you.

But fucking hell. Tonight you were making him go nuts.

“I’m worn out.” You said exhaling the air.

“Live a little Y/N. Your nose is 24/7 in those books, give yourself a break, don’t be so boring.”

“Me boring? Oh excuse me that I don’t have such a dynamic life as yours.” You rolled your eyes.

“Hell yes you are, when was the last time you had sex?”

“What?!” Your cheeks were burning, and you couldn’t believe he asked you that. Sure you two had conversations about sex, but only about his sex life, and by that I mean who he slept with not how and where.

“You heard me, c’mon we’re friends you can tell me everything.”

Stupid Tom.

“Yes we are, but I would love to keep the informations about my sex life to myself.”

“So you’re a virgin?”

“TOM!” You almost chocked on the wine.

“Well?” He smirked, feeling how you got more and more shy from the conversation. God he wanted to fuck you so bad.

“No I’m not a virgin!”

“Then you can tell me when was the last time hm?”

“I don’t remember ok?! Jesus, the last time was probably the week before me and Noah broke up.” Your voice almost a whisper, realising that you were presumably too boring.

Tom just whistled the ‘wow that’s tooo long’ whistle, earning an annoying look from you.

“If it helps you I didn’t bang a girl for like a week, maybe more?” His answer turning into a question.

“Yeah, that helped me a lot, thanks Thomas.”

“Always here to help you.”

You once again slapped him playfully, but with the arm where your glass of wine was, spilling the beverage on his shirt and sweatpants.

Shit.

“Fuck, sorry! I’m drunk, I-shit.” Yes, you were absolutely drunk, because the sober Y/N wouldn’t try to dry Tom’s crotch with her hands.

Tom’s eyes opened widely. The feeling of your palm rubbing his now hard dick, speeded up his breathing.

Your knees were on the couch, and your body extremely close to his. You still didn’t have a clue what you were doing.

“If you’re gonna clean me up like this, I might spill some of this by myself darling.” He groaned, raising the glass in the air.

That was enough to send your mind to reality.

“OH GOD. I’m so sorry, oh my God this is so embarrassing right now.” You tried to sit back down, but Tom’s hands stopped you.

Before you could fall on the purple carpet in your living room, his grip brought you into his chest.

Your hands were on his thorax, his arms on your lower back.

“Shit, am I on his lap right now?! What the fuck is happening?” You thought inside your head. What a great situation to be in.

“You’re making me so hard now Y/N.”

You were speechless. This wasn’t happening.

“I think it’s a big shame that you don’t have any kind of relief after a long day.” He whispered in your ear, breathing in the sweet scent of your shampoo.

“Tom.” Your mind was hazy, you tried your best to resist this, but holy shit you wanted this since forever.

“How about I suggest something to you darling?”

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sonic-wildfire · 3 years

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Emotion Sickness: Diary Entries from Shadow the Hedgehog (Part 1)

Select entries from Shadow’s diary were found and compiled by Sonic (with Shadow’s permission) as an homage to both Shadow’s development and their relationship together. The entries were made between March 2009 and October 2013. This part of the compilation contains the entries made between March 2009 and December 2010.

10:53 PM - 4 March 2009

Hmph. Another day behind me. I crossed paths with Sonic today and he offered to have lunch with me. The request was somewhat flattering, but I turned it down. I don’t really need to eat.

Why is Sonic always so nice to me? It’s a liability to be within ten feet of him at this point, considering how much trouble he gets into. Whatever. I’m better by myself anyway.

5:02 PM - 19 July 2009

Amy visited me today and said she was here on Sonic’s behalf. Don’t know why, but she wanted me to know Sonic was offering to have me over at his place.

Sonic has a permanent home? Who knew?

I thought about it for a bit, but I declined. Again, I don’t understand why Sonic continues to do nice things for me even though I’m the most miserable being on the planet. It’s not that I hate them or anything, but I just can’t get close to anybody else. What if they reject me? What if...

Forget it.

I can’t think about this stuff. I’m going to take a nap. My thoughts are the last thing I need to be with right now.

6:46 PM - 30 November 2009

Wouldn’t you know it, that stubborn blue hedgehog turned up at my door today and again asked me to spend time with him. I was about to just tell him to piss off, but something about this interaction was different. I don’t know what, why, or how, but... it actually sounded appealing this time?

Very hesitantly, I said I’d think about it but don’t expect me to take you up on the offer. He just smiled, said okay, and left.

Maybe I should at least try to be somewhat charitable for once. I called up Rouge and told her about what had happened and she just teased me over it before hanging up. You know, typical Rouge.

But she did tell me that it was ultimately my decision to make.

Hm. I think I might go after all.

12:25 PM - 2 December 2009

Just got back from having breakfast with Sonic. He was actually surprised I showed up. Honestly? I was surprised, too.

I didn’t talk too much, but Sonic... oh boy, Sonic. It’s like he never ran out of things to talk about. He’s smiling the entire time he’s with me, too. It was almost alluring just how much his bright demeanor contrasted with my moody self.

One of the things Sonic talked about was his friends. I was fully ready to just stop him right then and there (it rubs me the wrong way when anybody mentions friendship), but then he told me I was a “good friend” to him.

I asked him if he was serious. Sonic said yes.

In retrospect, it was certainly more eventful than most days. Perhaps little meetups like this would be healthier for me if I did them every once in a while.

3:59 AM - 28 May 2010

I can’t rest. I keep thinking about Sonic.

We’ve been meeting occasionally like I said I should. The longer I’m with Sonic, the more I begin to see in him what I could’ve been.

He’s a caring, generous man with everything going for him. People like him. He has a purpose in life. He’s coolheaded, rational, and valuable to society.

So why on Earth would Sonic be spending time with me, a reprehensibly depressed alien who is so completely worthless and undeserving of care? How could he possibly like me when I don’t even like myself?

I’m tired and tears are pricking at the corners of my eyes. I need to talk to someone in the morning.

1:51 AM - 29 May 2010

I called Rouge and told her about last night. She wasn’t very vocal, but she did offer a little encouragement. She said I don’t get enough sleep and that a little bit of rest would put me at ease for a bit. But I’m still on edge. What does Sonic see in me that I don’t? Or am I just overthinking this? My thoughts are erratic right now, so I’m sorry to anyone reading if this doesn’t make sense.

Ugh.

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes already.

I’m so weak. I’m so pathetic.

Who would ever want to spend time with someone like me?

All I do is brood in the corner of the room all day and be an asshole to everybody. I don’t understand how anybody could be tolerant of me, much less a “friend.”

Yet... I’m still drawn to Sonic. For whatever reason, he’s just so inviting. He’s nice. Too nice.

11:32 AM - 8 August 2010

Over the past few months, Sonic and I have been visiting each other more often, and not much has changed.

From me, at least.

Sonic has been growing even kinder towards me than before. Sometimes, he’ll give me small gifts like a scarf. Other times, he’ll ask me about myself. If I were ready, I would’ve just spilled my true feelings about myself right then and there.

But I wasn’t ready. So I just talked about the very few things I did find enjoyment in. Gardening, space, and Chao. I begged him to never tell anybody about what I said to him, and he looked at me like I had three heads but vowed to keep it a secret anyway.

I just don’t know. Sonic’s a good guy, but... I can’t bring myself to be friendly with him. If I start growing close with people, they’ll just die or leave me and I’ll be heartbroken again just like last time. I can’t go through that again. I’m not strong enough.

I appear tough on the outside. But the truth is, I’m always on the verge of breaking down. My mental state is so volatile and virtually uncontrollable.

Chaos damn it, just get out of my head already!

3:40 PM - 23 December 2010

The holiday season. A time for joy, reminiscing on the past, looking forward to the new year, and exchanging gifts.

For everybody else, that is.

Ever since I came here, I’ve spent every Christmas alone.

All the others have a big gathering at Sonic’s house, having a good time (allegedly). I was never interested in these and I always declined every single invitation I got from Sonic. Yet, like clockwork, he still sends me one every year. Maybe hoping that I’ll change my mind one year.

After a lot of self-reflection over the past year, though, I’m not sure how much more invitations I can reject before Sonic gives up trying.

I crumble in social situations. Interacting with anybody other than Rouge, Omega, or Sonic for more than ten seconds takes an insane amount of willpower.

Something has to give. Either I go for once or they stop trying.

12:48 AM - 24 December 2010

I’ve decided I need to go. Maybe bring one of my Chao if things go wrong. I’m not necessarily doing this because I want to go. In fact, I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t go because at least I know things can’t go wrong if I’m by myself.

But I can’t stop thinking about Sonic and his friends. It drives me crazy.

9:21 PM - 24 December 2010

Party’s tomorrow. Note to self: don’t fuck this up.

11:17 PM - 26 December 2010

How quickly things can change has always amazed me. Tonight proved that.

Everybody was really surprised to see me showing up, but they said they were all grateful I showed up. Sonic, of course, was the first to welcome me, giving me a hug that admittedly felt like a breath of fresh air after so much time alone. Then again, I have a reputation so I needed to act like he was crushing me to death.

I didn’t spend much time talking with other people, though I did exchange some small talk with Rouge. The usual.

As the party grew longer, I found myself being... complimented by others?

Knuckles said he hoped I was “doing well.” Cream gave me a single flower while wishing me a merry Christmas. Tails shyly waved at me (I put on a smile and waved back). Omega said I was “one of the only creatures made of flesh” he trusted.

I’m sorry. Did these people forget who they were talking to?

Dinner was fine, though I was particularly eager about the sweets. Oh, right, I forgot to mention I have a knack for candy. The more you know.

Of course, then it was time for gifts. I swear you could fill the Grand Canyon with the sheer amount of presents under the tree. I guessed that roughly three of those were for me, ready to be mailed to me if I didn’t show up.

So you can imagine my surprise when I saw eight presents being dropped into my lap and all of them reading “To: Shadow.”

We all took turns opening our presents. I had two presents from Amy (a coffee mug and a Chao toy), one present from Espio (a kunai), one present from Tails (a bag of coffee beans), one present from Knuckles (a Kill la Kill DVD) and... three presents from Sonic?!

The first one was classic Sonic stuff. A sweater with the word “faker” sewed on the chest. He thought that one was really funny. I didn’t really care.

The second one was more genuine. A pair of rocket boosters for my shoes. My old ones are just about dead, so this was welcome.

The third one... subverted all expectation. It was a small box that contained a piece of paper. It read:

“Dear Shadow, stay after the party and meet me upstairs when the others leave. Signed, Sonic.”

The others were curious about what Sonic meant by this. Silver joked that I was being sent to the principal’s office.

Eventually, the party came to a close and people left. I went upstairs as Sonic had told me, and there he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

He motioned for me to take a seat next to him. I sat down and asked him what he wanted me for, half-expecting something stupid.

“I understand you haven’t had the easiest life...”

I instantly got up to leave. No way I was sticking around to hear this again.

But Sonic grabbed my arm and yanked me back to the bed, his face now spelling genuine concern.

“...I know you mean well. Sometimes, you do things that we think are dumb but actually turn out to be smart. Other times, you just do dumb stuff. But that’s not the point. The point is, I want you to know that I’m still here for you. I can tell you’re bothered by your thoughts. But the bottom line is that I, and we, care about you. We love you, Shadow. I love you. Please don’t think you’re not worthy of being cared about. We have our ups and downs, but we always work it out eventually, right? I know your thought process works differently than mine. That does not make you any less deserving of respect. My greatest wish is that you would love yourself as much as we love you.”

I was stunned. That bastard. Quickly losing my composure, I began blubbering about how I couldn’t stand the thought of getting close to someone just to lose them again. How I’m so terrified that I will just be manipulated and used by people pretending to be my “friend.”

Sonic told me that he would never go away and that he would never “use” me.

Fuck. Fuck.

Sonic embraced me and I’m embarrassed to admit that I began sobbing as I wrapped my arms around him. I swore to myself that I’d never show any kind of weakness around them.

“It’s okay to cry,” he told me. “Don’t be afraid anymore. I’m here now. I’m here.”

“And I always will be. That’s a promise.”

#sth #Sonic the Hedgehog #Shadow the Hedgehog #Sonadow #Shasoni #Sonic Fanfiction #Fanfiction

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pluto-writes · 4 years

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Kunikida Doppo x Reader | Fluff Alphabet

A/n: Kunikida makes an appearance! To that one Kunikida anon, I hope you see this and I did him well. This is the most I’ve written so far for the fluff alphabets... He was just a fun character to write about. I have 2 more to go and maybe, maybe, if these get a good amount of love I’ll do a third one... I heard that the character starts with a C...

Words: 2,764

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Kunikida loves to do typical romantic things with you. It’s all in his book of Ideals, of course. Whenever he is out on jobs or errands for the Agency, he keeps an eye out for date spots to take you to.

On his days off, he’ll take you out for a picnic date at the park. He thinks the park is the perfect place since its calming, and he believes the sun enhances your natural beauty.

He’ll pack your favorite snacks, and you’ll bring a blanket and things to do while you’re at the park. Whether it be reading or playing board games, he enjoys doing it all with you.

You guys also occasionally go fishing together. You had learned that it was a favorite hobby of his, and wanted to be able to do it together. So you had planned this fishing trip, and successfully managed to do so without him noticing.

When you took him to the beach, he became ecstatic when he found out it was to go fishing. And to his luck he managed to catch his favorite type of fish, bonito. You offered to cook it for him once you guys went home, and he thoroughly enjoyed his lightly roasted bonito.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He loves how much you understand him. You don’t make fun of him for his ideals or his need to stick to his schedule. You even help him keep track of what he has to do for the day, and offer a helping hand when needed.

He also admires your dedication towards your work. It was what initially drew him in, in the first place. He notices all the effort and time you put into your work, and seeing you encourages him to get through the day without letting Dazai distract him.

He thinks your hands are your most striking feature. They fit into his hands so comfortably and holding them soothes him instantly.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He would take you away from the situation, as far as he can so he can get you somewhere quiet. Once he gets you to a quiet place, his next plan of action will get you to start talking about what’s bothering you.

To do that he’ll start talking to you to help calm you down, since you had mentioned before how much you liked his voice. After a while, he’ll manage to calm you down, and once he does, you’ll feel confident enough to confide in him about what has been bothering you.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He has it all written in his book of Ideals. He pictures getting married to you after you’ve been dating for two years. He prefers quiet afternoons with you, if days are uneventful that means that things are going according to his ideals.

He has his ideals, but he also understands that you have your own too. If there’s anything you don’t want to go through with, he would completely accept your choice and wouldn’t force you.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

The relationship the two of you share is rather balanced. He doesn’t want to be overbearing, or controlling. Plus, he loves it when you know what you want.

He wants someone that can make decisions for themselves, of course with that being said he doesn’t mind if you come to him for help sometimes. However, if it was a common trend he wouldn’t be able to put up with it.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Kunikida is quick to forgive, mostly since he doesn’t like conflict. At times he is quick to anger if you push the right buttons, but why would you? Though he knows to only apologize when he is in the wrong.

He’ll need time to cool off first before talking with you again, but after that you guys are fine. Fighting with Kunikida isn’t fun since he tends to raise his voice when he’s agitated, and the volume he talks in is a bit scary. It’ll be mostly verbal, since he knows that communication is valuable in a relationship. And while he may not agree with you, that doesn’t mean he can’t listen to your reasoning.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Kunikida overall is a very grateful man, but above all he’s thankful about your entire existence. And he makes sure to tell you so every chance he gets. He may not notice the small things you do for him, but when everything is going smoothly he figures you had something to do with it and will thank you accordingly.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He believes in an open and honest relationship. And he’s aware that in order for it to work, there has to be a sense of trust between the two of you. Cause if he doesn’t open up to you how would you feel safe enough to confide in him?

There are moments he’d rather not mention, but he knows that talking about it will help him get through it, and he has complete faith in you. He’ll come to you when things start to get overwhelming for him. After talking to you, he’ll start to feel better about what’s been bothering him.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Since he began dating you, the others had noticed that he seemed calmer, even with Dazai around. There would be times where he would get annoyed, but not as much as he used to. Before, even Dazai’s mere presence would induce headaches, now however, he’s able to tolerate him more without blowing a fuse.

Ever since you met him, you had always admired his belief in his ideals and the lengths he’ll go to protect them. Seeing that gave you the idea to make a book similar to his. Yours might not have an entire list, but it helps you keep track of your day to day life and any important info. Having your stuff organized has helped you finish what you wanted and makes sure that you haven’t missed anything.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Jealousy doesn’t come easy to Kunikida since he’s an adult, and he’s able to spot the difference between a friendly conversation and one with flirty intentions -except when it’s towards him-. Plus, he isn’t territorial over you, he knows that you can stand up for yourself and when the situation calls for it you won’t hesitate to protect yourself.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

When he was about to have his first kiss with you, he was really nervous. He had just taken you on your first date and after a stroll under the moonlight he walked you home since it was the right thing to do. Once you reached your home he became fidgety, and his hands couldn’t stay still.

He could still remember how hard his heart was pounding, and how his palms got slightly warm despite the cold night. And you remember how cute it was seeing the usually composed Kunikida being so nervous around you, and the blush he had then.

He knew he had to go through with it, he wrote it in his book. To kiss you after your first date, but he couldn’t help overthinking about it. Seeing his nervousness, you took the initiative and pulled him into a kiss. Upon your lips meeting his he froze, and by the time you pulled away he was still in shock.

“What happened, Kunikida? Cat got your tongue?” You said teasingly, which only caused his cheeks to flare up more.

After his first kiss with you, he still got shy at times, especially in front of other people, but his kissing has gotten better. He doesn’t freeze up when you lean in for a kiss, and he has gained enough confidence to kiss you first.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

You have Dazai to thank for your relationship. He knew that the two of you liked each other, but neither of you did anything about it. So he took that problem into his own hands.

Kunikida was painfully aware he was in love with you, and at times being around you made him lose his composer. He even added to his list of an ‘Ideal Partner’ modeled after you. However, he managed to miss all your attempts at flirting with him, he took them as a friendly gesture.

After getting the same results over and over, you figured that Kunikida must not like you in the same way. Coming to terms with that was not easy, so instead of inviting Kunikida out with the intention of hopefully dating him, you would go out with him as friends, and somehow that was harder to do.

This is where Dazai came in, he was acutely aware of the situation at hand, and knew that it’ll take a big push from Kunikidas' side to confess to you. The day he executed his plan started as normal, that is until you walked into the office.

Cue the endless teasing from Dazai to Kunikida. His voice was somehow even more annoying than ever to Kunikida. But he held in strong, more focused in finishing his work. Which gave Dazai the chance to steal his book of Ideals.

“Oh (Y/n)-san ~! Would you like to see what Kunikida has written in his book?” He called out to you. “Especially this one section, ‘My Ideal Partner’. Sounds very interesting, don’t you think?” He smirked, holding the book out to you.

Kunikida never got up from his seat so fast. But before he could storm over there and give Dazai a piece of his mind, you spoke up.

“No thank you, Dazai-san. And you shouldn’t read it either. That’s not right of us.”

Kunikida couldn’t believe it! You respected his privacy and you scolded Dazai! That made him like you even more.

“You’re perfect,” Kunikida accidentally blurted out.

“What!?” You asked out of shock.

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to get out of it, he ended up confessing to you how he felt about you and his wish to further your relationship, which you happily accepted.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He would definitely want to marry you, he can’t imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone else. The way he’ll propose to you is well thought out.

First, he’ll take you to the place you guys had your first date. And while you guys are chatting he'll think about how much better his life has gotten with you around, and he can’t help but smile.

You caught him smiling and called him out on it, which only caused him to get slightly nervous, he wanted to surprise you and didn’t want to give anything away.

Once again, he’ll walk you home just like before, and with the moment finally about to happen he felt this sudden knot in his stomach. He tried to fight it, but he couldn’t.

You noticed his nervousness and offered him your hand. He seemed to calm down after that, but his heart felt like it was about to explode. When you reached your home, you could tell he was hesitating about something. It reminded you before of your first kiss.

“You know,” you started, gaining his attention, “I can’t help but feel like this scene happened before… What are you holding back?”

“O-oh! Uhm..” His hand flew into his pocket, feeling the box. Taking a deep breath he pulled out the box and got on one knee. “Will you marry me, (Y/n)?”

Being married to Kunikida wasn’t all that different than dating. The only thing that changed was that he seemed more confident when you were involved. And shortly after you guys moved in with each other, which gave you more time to spend with him.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

He’ll call you things like ‘my love’, ‘darling’, and you even got you to call you ‘Honey’! At first he got extremely embarrassed calling you by those names, but it soon came naturally to him.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He was painfully obvious to everyone that wasn’t you. Those around him noticed the long glances he gave you, how he seemed to favor you over the others. And how his face got red after talking to you. Once Dazai knew the truth it was over for Kunikida.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He doesn’t flaunt around his relationship with you, he doesn’t see why it’s necessary since he doesn't wish to involve outsiders in your relationship. Kunikida has no problem complimenting you in front of others, and the way he says it states it as fact rather than his opinion.

However, if you try to show him affection in front of others he gets a little hot under the collar. He’ll cover his face with his hand and avert his eyes from yours.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

His organization is impeccable. You can count on him to keep track on everything, so that you never end up forgetting something important. And living with him is even better, he makes sure that there are no messes around and if he manages to get home before you, you can expect a dinner of some sort waiting for you.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Kunikida is a very romantic lover, whether it be intentional or not. Everything he does for you makes your heart flutter. When he plans dates out for the two of you, most of the time they are rather cliche, like going to the movies together.

He heard about scary movies being the perfect way to bond with your partner, so he took you to one expecting you to get scared and cling on to him. But of course it wasn’t that easy. The movie ended up being about ghosts, and he ended up being the one who got scared. You think it went pretty well considering that later that night he asked to sleep with you, and you were more than happy to obliged.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He has complete faith in you, and your abilities. If you ever feel down about not being good enough, Kunikida is there to remind you of how wonderful you are and the accomplishments you’ve made.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Kunikida is perfectly content with the relationship. As long as he has you by his side he doesn’t feel the need to spice up your relationship. Keeping a certain rhythm within it helps calm him down and lets him know that nothing wrong will happen.

When things are quiet it brings a smile to his face cause that means that his ideals are coming into reality.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Kunikida understands you well, any new piece of information he learns about you he makes sure to jot it down in his notebook so that he won’t forget about it.

When you feel happy, he feels happy for you, when you feel sad or upset because of someone he also feels the same way. He does his best to keep you happy because seeing you sad hurts him in a way he hasn’t felt before.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship with him is something Kunikida holds very dear to his heart. He’s a man of his ideals and he can’t picture a life without you. Being with you is now a part of his ideals and he doesn’t want to let that go.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Kunikida has always taken care of his hair, and it's so nice and long you couldn’t help eyeing it, wishing you could run your fingers through it and try to do different hairstyles.

He noticed your eyes on him, and when he brought it up to you, you had to explain what you wanted to do to it. And to your delight, he allowed it!

After that it became a regular thing between you two. Whenever you felt stressed out or bored, he would let you brush his hair and play with it. He doesn’t say it directly but he loves the feeling of you playing with his hair.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Kunikida is an affectionate lover in his own way. He shows that he cares for you by showing what he knows about you, or helping you out whenever you feel lost or stressed.

He loves to kiss and have you in his arms, but he gets embarrassed doing that in front of others, especially his friends. He thinks tender moments like these should only be between you and him.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He usually works himself to the bone. If he’s too invested in his work then he’s too busy to think about you. It would work for a while, but then he would remember that you always tell him to take breaks and make sure he doesn’t overwork himself.

If he’s really missing you and can’t wait, during his break he’ll call you just to hear your voice.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Kunikida is a man of his ideals, and seeing as you’re now a part of them he’ll be willing to put his life on the line if it meant saving you or your relationship.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #kunikida doppo #kunikida x reader #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #kunikida doppo x reader #doppo kunikida #plutowrites #i hope that tumblr doesn't banish this into the shadow realm #i hope this was entertaining! it was fun to write

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ashtheshortstack · 4 years

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make them learn - ch 1

Rating: T Ship: Adrinette (sorta) Chapter 1/3: broken frame

Tags: Princess Justice AU, Akumatized Marinette, Bullying, One-Sided Reveal, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

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Next Chapter

“You’re either with me, or you’re against me.”

Lila’s words were clear and harsh, but Marinette battled akumas on a daily basis. It wasn’t something she couldn’t handle. She feared some things, but Lila Rossi definitely wasn’t one of them. Did the lying brat piss her off? Oh, big time. At first, it was jealousy revolving around Adrien, however, the blond seemed to figure out Lila’s lies all on his own. He didn’t need the constant proof. So, Marinette was comfortable that Adrien would never date someone like that. He wasn’t the type.

“From now on, you and I are at war. You will lose all your friends and be all alone. And Adrien will soon be mine.”

Marinette had to give her credit. The brat tried her best, that was for sure. Lila had successfully gotten her expelled, but suddenly just recanted all of her statements the next day and confirmed she made it all up. Blaming it on some stupid disease that didn’t exist, but whatever. It worked. She was thankful for that. Even though Lila’s change of heart clearly had something behind it, Marinette decided to not fret on it too much. It was clear the brat was still out to get her, but Marinette knew that taking the high road was obviously the best option. Adrien was right, there was no need to feed the troll.

No way could she have predicted that Lila had something more sinister up her sleeve. Of course, she hadn’t assumed that the incident was the last she’d hear from Lila, but Marinette didn’t realize there could be something much, much worse.

It had been a typical day for Marinette. There had been an akuma attack the previous evening, so she was a bit sleepy, but nothing she’d never pushed through before. She was Ladybug for a reason. She wouldn’t let a little lack of sleep ruin her day. Besides, Marinette looked forward to school. Seeing Adrien every day always uplifted her mood. He was such a kind soul, often lighting up the room more than she was sure he realized. Marinette knew he didn’t have a great homelife with his mother disappearing, assumed dead, and his father being an uptight, strict, recluse. It amazed her that he could be so positive every day. That he could be such a good person. Knowing what he went through just made her admire him even more.

Despite how she tried to hide her fondness for him, it was difficult. Luckily, Adrien was the oblivious type and had no idea what feelings Marinette harbored for him. And she planned to keep it that way. No matter how much she wanted to be with him, she knew that Adrien loved another girl. She assumed that it was Kagami. They had gotten awfully close lately. And it hurt even more because she and Kagami had become friends. So, it wasn’t like she could hate her or be angry at her for liking the same boy as her. Even though Marinette liked him first , she digressed. Kagami would be good for him. They had so much in common… so it was okay. No matter how painful it was. No matter how much it made Marinette’s chest tighten with an ache. No matter how she desperately hoped that Adrien would see her the way she saw him…

Taking her usual spot on the bench, Marinette sat with her knees pulled up to her chest as she doodled a few sketches into her sketchbook. However when Adrien arrived in the courtyard and made a bee-line for Nino, Marinette couldn’t help but follow him with her eyes. She could feel a soft small cross her lips when Nino swung an arm over the blond’s shoulder with Adrien grinning in return. It was wonderful to see him happy. She was glad he had a friend like Nino.

“Hey, girl,” a familiar voice chimed.

Startling at Alya’s sudden appearance, Marinette gave a tiny yelp. “Oh, hi.”

“You had that dopey look on your face again. You could try to be a little less obvious, you know,” her best friend teased.

Marinette laughed and tugged at a pigtail, “Sorry, I don’t mean to,” she glanced back to Adrien with her smile returning and shrugged. “Besides, he never notices anyway.”

Scoffing, Alya shook her head. “Adrien does notice you. You know that, right?”

“Well, yeah. But in a friend kind of way. He doesn’t see me the way… well I see him,” there was a sadness in her tone that she didn’t like.

Marinette didn’t want to be disappointed that Adrien liked someone else. He was human. He was allowed to have his own crushes, right? But… she was also allowed to be human as well. And be sad she’d have to let him go. Maybe it was for the best? She had to focus on defeating Hawkmoth before she could even think about pursuing anything romantic. The world she lived in was dangerous, and she wouldn’t dare get Adrien dragged into it. If he got hurt… well, she wouldn’t know what she’d do.

Alya bumping her gently. “You sound like you’re giving up.”

“Not giving up,” she said with a shake of her head, “just respecting his choices. He’s such an amazing person, and I don’t want to get in the way of his happiness.”

“Oh, Marinette, he’ll see it someday…” Alya fell silent as Marinette gave a non committal hum in response. “In the meantime, are you gonna take all those pictures of him down in your room?” she asked.

“No way, he’s easy on the eyes.”

The two shared a laugh at that. Marinette returned to her drawing as Alya watched over her shoulder. Eventually, Alya flagged down her boyfriend. Nino, with Adrien in tow, came over to join the girls. Marinette was able to keep her cool when Adrien took a seat between her and Alya and watched her sketch.

“That looks great, Marinette. Have you thought about entering my father’s next contest?”

With a giggle, Marinette did her best to stop her heart from pounding. Stay cool, she reminded herself. “U-Uh, maybe. When is it?”

Adrien smiled. “It’s in a few weeks, I think. I can check with Nathalie and get back with you?”

“Yeah, sure,” she replied quickly.

There was a beat before the blond spoke again. “You really are talented. I wish I could draw like you and Nathaniel.”

“I’m sure you can draw just fine. Someone as amazing as you? I’m sure you're great at anything,” she blabbered out.

He laughed at that. “Well, thanks. May I?” he asked, bobbing his head towards her sketchpad and holding his hand out for her pencil.

“O-Of course,” she sputtered and instantly handed him her pencil and book.

Marinette couldn’t help but watch him as he doodled in her sketchbook. His tongue poked out between his lips, wiggling slightly as he focused on his art. She noticed his brows pinch as her eyes wandered along his face down to his hands. Hands she’d held so many times and wished she could again and again. Granted, it was usually when Adrien was tugging her along to escape an akuma or that time he pulled her in to dance.

Sucking in a breath, she looked away as she felt her face warm. Marinette silently prayed that he hadn’t noticed the vibrant flush that kissed her cheeks. When he finished, he held up the completed product. “Ta-da! What do you think?”

In the middle of the page was a poorly drawn cat with a large body, stick legs, and a thick tail. There were dots for eyes and a squiggly cat mouth. Marinette couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of it, and Adrien quickly joined her.

“Maybe, I need more practice. You should teach me sometime.”

Marinette’s heart fluttered at the statement. “Yeah, maybe sometime. You may need quite a few lessons though,” she teased.

Adrien smirked at her. “You gotta be kitten me, Marinette, I thought I was pretty good.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at the horrible pun. There was a dull sense of familiarity that she shoved into the back of her mind. It was common to make puns. No need to overthink it.

The bell chimed, echoing through the courtyard. Her friends all stood, ready to head to class. Adrien returned her sketchbook, smiling at her. “You coming?”

“You guys go ahead, I need to pack up my things.”

The blond tilted his head. “Need help?”

“No, no. I got it,” she assured him with a smile.

Adrien didn’t seem convinced, giving her a once over with a concerned pinch in his brows. But after a moment, gave a slight shrug and started up the stairs.

Letting out a loud sigh, Marinette took a moment to gather her wits. She was proud she was slowly able to interact with Adrien despite how nervous she still felt around him. Her heart always pounded while her palms felt clammy. Wiping her hands on her pants, she corrected herself. Marinette glanced down at her sketchpad, glancing over the drawing. Adrien signed his name at the bottom with a smiley face next to it. She smiled, hugging it to her chest. Marinette would always cherish any moment she had with him.

Standing, she gathered her things and headed up the stairs. Class went as usual. Lila was absent for the day, making Marinette relax a little knowing she wouldn’t have the brunette glaring at the back of her head for the day.

She took her notes, occasionally glanced down at Adrien (no one could blame her, really, he was so easy on the eyes), and drew tiny doodles on the corner of her paper. Marinette surprised herself with a little cat drawing that replicated the blond’s sketch from before. There was so much to learn about Adrien still. Did he really like cats? Maybe, he was a Chat Noir fan?

Marinette was yanked from her musings when an akuma burst into the door of the classroom. Her classmates screamed and took cover beneath their desks as Madam Bustier shouted for the akuma to be gone. But the akuma locked eyes with her before smirking wickedly.

“Ah, there you are Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I was hoping I’d find you here. I’m Crush Detector, and I’m here to expose your crush.”

Her heart pounded with panic. “W-What?”

Crush Detector gave a mused hum before prancing over to Adrien who stood at his desk with a gritted frown. “Don’t you want to know the truth , Adrien? We know how you feel about people who lie. I’m here to be honest… because we’re friends, aren’t we? ”

Marinette watched as his expression changed. His eyes hardened. “Lila!” he hissed.

Gaping, she looked at the akuma. “Lila?” Again!? How many times could this girl be akumatized intentionally? Was she working with Hawkmoth at this point?

With a grin, Crush Detector turned her attention to the projector holding up a camera that was clearly the inflicted object. “Why don’t we all see the truth, hm?”

Marinette watched in horror as the pictures of Adrien on the walls of her room flashed onto the screen, then Adrien’s schedule in detail, her desktop screen, then her. There was literal footage of her pieced together from before school. The entire conversation she and Alya had before class was played back in front of her, as well as her hugging the sketchpad after he’d doodled in it.

Tears pricked her eyes, her heart dropping into her stomach. Her throat felt tight as her hands began to shake. She was utterly humiliated. It wasn’t a secret to her classmates how she felt about Adrien, but for him to see…

Kim laughed aloud. “You have his whole schedule on hand?”

“I knew you liked him, but I didn’t realize you were a stalker, Dupain-Cheng,” Chloe mused.

Her bottom lip wobbled as more and more images of her cooing over the blond were shoved into her face. As booked towards the door, vaguely hearing Alya and Adrien call after her.

Crush Detector blocked her exit. “Oh, running away from your feelings again , Marinette?”

She saw red. Marinette shoved Lila’s akumatized form out of the way. She booked it to the bathroom. Knowing that the akuma would be after her any moment, she locked the door, knowing it’d at least delay the process of Lila entering.

Taking deep breaths, Marinette held her head as she slid down the door. Sobs wracked her body as she buried her face into her knees.

“Marinette…” Tikki’s voice murmured as she floated out of the purse. “I’m so sorry…”

With a sniffle, she wiped her face. “We have to catch an akuma.”

“Marinette, are you okay?”

Her body felt numb. An emptiness swirled within her. There wasn’t time to care. Lila had done this to purposely humiliate her. And she wouldn’t let that witch get away with it. Marinette called on her transformation.

She left the bathroom, seeing Adrien searching around the courtyard. He hadn’t noticed her, thankfully.

Crush Detector laughed spitefully. “Oh, c’mon, Adrien! We know you don’t like her! Don’t pity her!”

The glare Adrien shot her was bone chilling. “This was the last straw, Lila. I told you to leave Marinette alone.”

“Oh, but… I’m not Lila anymore, am I?” she snickered as she sat on the railing.

Ladybug’s fist clenched. Rage flowed through her veins. A heat took over her she’d never felt before. It boiled at her back, shooting up her spine. Her fingers trembled with anger, her teeth grit harshly together.

“Shut up!” she screeched before wrapping the akuma in her yo-yo. Ladybug yanked her victim harshly, forcing Crush Detector off the high railing and down onto the concrete of the courtyard. The akuma shouted in pain as she met the ground forcefully. “That’s enough! That’s enough! ”

Adrien was stunned by Ladybug’s appearance, jaw hung open. She didn’t blame him. Marinette had never felt so much pain… hurt… anger… bubble through her. She’d never hurt an akumatized person intentionally. But Lila deserved it. She deserved so much worse!

Ladybug tightened her yo-yo. “Do you just love to hurt others!? Does it make you happy? What do you think will happen now, huh!? Do you really think Adrien will love you after this!?”

“Adrien will be mine,” Lila hissed.

She tightened the string. The akuma gasped for air.

Adrien took action. He ran over, snatching the inflicted camera and smashing it on the ground. The akuma flew out, but Marinette didn’t budge. When she saw Lila deakumatize… when she saw her at her mercy… she kept her wound in the yo-yo.

“You have so much hate in your heart. You’re a horrible person! You just love to humiliate others, and for what? It’s not going to make anyone like you. It won’t make Adrien like you. You’re just a coward! Too afraid to be yourself, so you lie to everyone and bring everyone else down to bring yourself up!”

“Ladybug!”

She gasped, glancing over at Adrien. His face was red. Had he been shouting at her the whole time?

Quickly, she released Lila and snatched the akuma from the air. She waved off the butterfly silently. Adrien was staring at her with an emotion she couldn’t read. Lila was glaring at her with more fury than ever before. Swallowing, Ladybug gave Adrien a nod before whipping her yo-yo and fleeing quickly.

o~o~o~o

Sobs wracked her body. Marinette hadn’t even made it to her bed. She wallowered on the floor, her face in her hands. Hot tears spilled onto her hands. Breathing was difficult through her cries, unable to catch necessary air. She vaguely felt Tikki’s pats of comfort on her head.

“Marinette, you have to calm down… Hawkmoth will--”

“I know , Tikki… I know. I-I need to--” she glanced down at her phone. There were many, many missed calls from both Alya and Adrien. Even one from Nino… which may have just been Alya calling from his phone. She couldn’t be sure. Her throat felt tight as she scrolled through her messages.

There were texts from Lila. How’d she even gotten her number!? Who would’ve given it to her?

Hope you learned your lesson about crossing me. He’ll never love you.

Marinette didn’t dare open any more of them. She felt sick. Nauseated from the pain and anguish that stirred within her. There were texts from Adrien and Alya, both begging her to call them. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to speak to anyone.

She trembled as she reached up to take her earrings from her lobes. Tikki gasped, looking at her chosen with worry. Marinette held the miraculous out in her palm, gazing at her kwami expectantly. “I need you to take these and find Chat Noir.”

“Marinette, no--”

“Tikki, please. I can’t let Hawkmoth get my miraculous. This is the only way to keep the earrings safe.”

Tikki’s gaze was pleading. “B-But Marinette, you could lead him right to Master Fu.”

Shaking her head, she took a breath. “I can tell you… the only person I’ll be after is Lila. She--She’s the reason for all of this. This is entirely her fault. A-And if I get akumatized and whatever I do… she deserves it.”

“Marinette, don’t talk like that.”

“Go to Chat Noir.”

It was a command. And Tikki knew it. The heartbroken expression on the kwami’s face was answer enough. She floated over, giving Marinette a kiss on the head. Watching her kwami phase through the window, she knew she’d done the right thing. She knew that the best option would be for Tikki to go to Chat. Chat had used the Ladybug miraculous before. If anyone could save her, it was her crime-fighting partner.

When the black butterfly floated into her room, she wasn’t surprised to see it. The utter feeling of hopelessness that overwhelmed her was like fodder to Hawkmoth. It absorbed into her purse, and a voice echoed in her mind.

“Princess Justice… your feelings have been exposed to the boy you love against your will…”

#princess justice #princess justice AU #miraculous ladybug #adrinette #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #angst #ML fic #princess justice fic #ash writes #make them learn #tw: bullying #miraculous ladybug fic #adrinette fic #hurt comfort

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thanksjro · 4 years

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MTMTE #13: Signal to Noise, A Lost Light Interlude- No One Can Resist the Siren’s Call of the Souvenir Shop

You know what we haven’t seen in a while? A Roberts prose story. Let’s fix that, shall we?

Hey, you. Do ya like Rung? Do ya like the therapy twink who got thrown across a bar four million years ago and then never made an impact on anyone ever after that moment? Because if so, you’re in luck- this story has Rung smeared all across it.

…God fucking dammit, James, this is the first line.

Rung, in the eerie, odd quiet of the ship, can hear his inner mechanisms at work. Now, you might think that it would have to be mighty quiet for such a thing to occur, and if we were dealing with human characters you’d be right! However, Rung and all his peers are giant space robots. It probably sounds like a forty car pileup on the freeway when they walk down the hall.

He marvels at the wonder that is the Cybertronian body, revealing himself to be, like apparently half the friggin’ cast, to be old as shit. Rung, who existed during and even before the Functionists, has never changed his body. He looks exactly like he did when he came into the world, and that includes the eyebrows. He didn’t change for the war, he didn’t change to be tall like all his friends, he won’t change for you, and he certainly won’t change for me. Rung’s good where he is.

We get a mention of something truly unbelievable- apparently there are OTHER psychiatric professionals on Cybertron, and their names are just as blatant riffs on real-world psychiatry as his own. Transformers play on words never go terribly deep, so it’s in theme.

Rung doesn’t remember a ton of what happened when he was shot, though he remembers Overlord’s nasty lips for SOME reason. He woke up from his head injury, had a little face blindness, then Swerve, using a prototype of Rewind’s idea of using stories to heal the mind, gave Rung a helping hand.

Way to use that medical degree, Swerve.

Then we get the period of time that the Shadowplay arc was framed within, flit through the whole Temptoria debacle, touch on the fact that the original plan for Rung and Brainstorm teaming up on the avatars was to make them more energy efficient, and arrive in a seedy tourist trap gift shop.

Rung realizes he forgot about someone. He hates when that happens to him, so it kind of bums him out.

I mean, you just got out of the hospital, dude. I’m sure they’ll understand.

So, we’re at the gift shop. Tailgate’s there, Rewind’s there, Skids is trying on hats.

Tailgate has not said Whirl’s name once in canon, and I’m not completely convinced he’s aware of that fact.

Whirl has decided that he’s going to bang his head against the glass of the window outside. That’s what he’s going to do in this moment.

Rung, who the fuck gave you your degree, my guy?

Rung feels kind of bad about leaving Swerve to his fate with Ultra Magnus- this is an interlude, after all, so it’s in the middle of our story- and the fellas wonder just how much trouble they’re going to be in when all is said and done. Tailgate suggests they run away. Rewind’s more interested in conspiracy theories.

But forget all that, someone very special’s just walked through the door of this tacky little shop. Also, Whirl’s disappeared, but no one actually cares about that.

Cyclonus gives his version of a greeting to Tailgate- i.e. looking at him for a second- then starts wandering around the store. Tailgate reveals that Cyclonus has some fucking cheddar to spend, then gives the gang a quick rundown of the big purple guy’s personal philosophy-

Oh god, Cyclonus, are you sad? Is that why you’re humming? Because you’re sad about something? I’m gonna overthink every time you sing now because of this issue.

Skids and Tailgate get into it over just what exactly Cyclonus’ deal is, and also whether shopping is a valid hobby, and Rung walks off to make his purchase for the evening. He walks by a rack covered in memory sticks touting the ability to allow one to relive the Hedonian experience, and Rung gets smacked in the face with the realization of just who exactly he went and forgot.

Back on the Lost Light, Rung is doing his best to keep up with his silent companion on the walk to Rodimus’ office, who is as awkward as he is tall, and it’s Ultra Magnus, so… yeah. Rung wouldn’t typically need an escort to the captain’s office, but it would appear this is one of Rodimus’ off days.

It’s been a rough few months.

We get a quick peek at Ultra Magnus’ personal philosophy on language- namely, that it should be as dry as cardboard and so straight to the point you could use it as a ruler. Rung asks Magnus to please, for the love of god, make a follow up appointment, whether due to professional concern or professional fascination isn’t clear. Then Magnus tries to tell a joke.

I think it might have fallen flat, just a bit.

They reach the office, Rung marvels at the cacophony of mental health issues he lives inside, and they enter.

Rodimus is busy carving shit into his desk, with a scalpel he probably swiped from the medibay. He invites Rung to take a seat, makes light of all the friggin’ awful things that have happened since this trip started, and Rung begins to wonder if he needs to expand his office hours.

Ultra Magnus gets things back on track, and we finally get to see just what exactly Rung forgot.

It was Red Alert, and that very incriminating recording he showed Rung back during the Delphi arc.

Rodimus gets twitchy when it’s brought up, asking Magnus to guard the door. First he tries to deflect, calling Red Alert crazy. When Rung brings up the fact that he heard the basement voice too, Rodimus promises to check into it, right after he does about a million other things.

Looks like Rewind called it.

Rodimus runs out of the office to do his errands, and Rung decides to share a little conversation with Ultra Magnus, because we’re just totally committing to being friends with every patient we have, aren’t we, you creamsicle-looking son of a gun.

You know, we never did find out where Chromedome was during this whole shore leave situation. I hope he had a nice, quiet evening in, and absolutely nothing nefarious took place.

#transformers #jro #jro punches me in the face #mtmte #issue 13 #signal to noise #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #prose writing

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lady-divine-writes · 4 years

Text

ACITW AU one-shot “A Perfect Tree” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Kurt and Sebastian are decorating their first Christmas tree together, but with Sebastian dead set on everything being perfect, it’s not as much fun as Kurt thought it would be.

Read on AO3.

Kurt never realized what a stressful business decorating for Christmas could turn into.

When he lived at home with his father, Christmas decorations were a simple matter of a few strings of garland hung over the fireplace, some lights on the windows (Kurt demanded twinkle lights, and as he got older they seemed nearly impossible to find), and the tree. As the piece de resistance of their holiday decorations, the tree had to be perfect, of course. He and his dad spent entire Saturdays trolling the Christmas tree lots of Lima until they located the perfect Douglas fir (as Douglas fir was the Christmas tree of choice for the Hummel family).

Once the tree was up, then the real decorating began. Kurt usually monopolized that task, as every ornament had a specific location on the tree and Kurt had mapped them all out in his head. His dad was typically in charge of putting up the lights and garland.

And together they put the star on top.

Afterward, father and son would sit on the sofa with glasses of soy nog in hand and relish in the glory that was their spectacular holiday tree.

With those warm and fuzzy holiday memories swimming in his mind, Kurt thought that decorating with Sebastian for their first official Christmas together would be a heartwarming and nostalgic endeavor, but decorating with Sebastian has turned into more of a military affair.

The first thing Sebastian did (at nearly six in the morning) was to lay out all the decorations – ornaments, garland, lights, etc. – out in the living room. Kurt had cooed when he saw all the brilliant ornaments, and made the phenomenal mistake of picking one up to examine it. With a stern glare, lips fixed into a tight line, Sebastian snatched it out of Kurt’s hands and put it back in its place.

Apparently, there is a certain order to things, and precision is key.

Kurt can definitely appreciate precision and order, especially when it comes to decorating, but Sebastian takes it to manic levels.

Searching Christmas tree lots in New York City is vastly more difficult than it is in Lima. Hours and hours of walking, checking, rechecking, walking some more, and then going back to the very first place they had started rewarded them with the most glorious eight-foot noble fir (and Kurt has to admit it’s magnificent, even if it isn’t a Douglas fir).

They bring it home, lug it up to the penthouse, and stick it into its stand, all according to plan, but this is where they hit a wall. No matter how Sebastian moves the tree, no matter what angle he appraises its position in the room, he seems to believe that it’s crooked.

“Sebastian, it’s fine,” Kurt assures him numerous times – so many times that he considers recording the sentiment on his phone and replaying it at odd intervals.

“That’s because you’re sitting down,” Sebastian retorts. “If you were standing up, you would see that the tree is crooked.”

“Well, we’ll just make everyone stay seated the entire time they’re here.”

For this bit of teasing, Kurt receives a disgusted face, and afterward, nothing else is said.

Kurt lets Sebastian’s progressively sour mood slide. Granted, being their first Christmas as intendeds, it is the first time that they will be hosting the holiday festivities for the family – approaching nuptials having tossed them into the rotation - and Sebastian is surprisingly nervous about making a good impression. Kurt understands this, but it’s nearing midnight, and Kurt can see through the numerous picture windows of the penthouse that a new falling snow is covering the city, washing away the dirt and turning everything it touches into a soft winter white.

New York during Christmas is a magical thing to behold, and there are things that Kurt is eager to do with his fiancé other than watch him readjust the tree six hundred times. Kurt lets out a long, overly dramatic sigh when Sebastian moves the tree a half an inch to the right and steps back to check and see if it’s still crooked. Sebastian tilts his head left and right, then nods, and for a second, Kurt is fooled into thinking that Sebastian might be done, but he shakes his head and walks up to the tree again, reaching around the thing to move it one more time.

“You know, you’re kind of anal about this,” Kurt says with another long sigh in his passive-aggressive attempt to get Sebastian to call it quits.

“I’m kind of anal about a lot of things,” Sebastian says, looking at Kurt over his shoulder and giving him a wink, though at this point, it doesn’t seem all too promising, regardless of its suggestive intent.

“Not in the last twenty-four hours,” Kurt mumbles, standing from the sofa and stretching, lifting his arms over his head to straighten his sore, compressed spine.

“Look,” Sebastian says with a frustrated huff, stepping back again from the tree and looking the evergreen up and down. “Make fun of me if you want. I know you think I’m being stupid…”

“I don’t think you’re being stupid…” Kurt cuts in.

“But,” Sebastian continues, “every year my mom and dad’s house is perfect.”

“Yeah, but with you guys gone, they hire someone to get it that way,” Kurt points out.

“Still, it’s perfect,” Sebastian insists, walking around the tree and turning it slightly. “And Liv’s house…Jesus fucking Christ, how many times did we hear the story of how she decorated the house with all her fucking kids attached to her?”

“I’d still like to see the video on that one,” Kurt chuckles through a yawn. “At least you’re not going to have to worry about Julian and Cooper. They’re going to be soaked in egg nog and wrapped around each other the way they were last Christmas. They won’t even know that we have a tree.”

“I would just like our tree to be as close to perfect as possible,” Sebastian finishes in such an off-handed, distant sort of way that makes Kurt wonder if Sebastian meant to comment out loud. Kurt watches Sebastian fuss, his eyes clouded over, his lower lip trapped between his teeth in that way Sebastian gets when he’s not saying everything that’s on his mind.

And our tree? That’s the first time those words have passed through Sebastian’s lips. All day he’s referred to it as the tree. Suddenly, it’s our tree? Kurt furrows his brow and stores that snippet away in his brain for safe keeping. He doesn’t want to overthink what could possibly be a simple slip of the tongue, but then again, he’s never seen Sebastian act this way, especially considering his wonderful, close-knit family.

Kurt finds it hard to believe that any of them, even Liv, will care if the tree leans a quarter of a centimeter to the left or not.

“You know, Liv’s still kind of miffed that you wouldn’t agree to a Christmas wedding,” Sebastian says suddenly, as if he had sensed his sister’s name pop up in Kurt’s thoughts.

“Boo-hoo,” Kurt says. “I’m not about to share one of the most important days of my life with the world’s largest materialistic holiday of the year.”

Sebastian stops fidgeting with the tree to look down and laugh.

“I’ll pay you $1,000 to say that to her face,” Sebastian offers, laughing louder, picturing in his head the way that conversation between his high-strung sister and his high-maintenance fiancé might turn out.

“What?” Kurt exclaims with a nervous laugh. “Do you think I’m insane? I happen to value my testicles, thank you very much. I thought you did, too.”

“Your testicles, watching you cat fight with Liv…” Sebastian puts his hands out, pantomiming weighing the pros and cons in his cupped hands. “Meh, it’s too close to call.”

Kurt yawns again, his eyes squeezing shut, tears rolling down his cheeks as his body tries to wring out its exhaustion.

“Well, I’m going to take my de-valued testicles and call it a night.”

“But, babe…” Sebastian whines, tilting the tree again, “I swear, I’ve almost got it.”

“Okay,” Kurt says, “but it’s late.”

“Once I get this fucker straight, we’ll be all set to decorate it,” Sebastian argues, a bit more vehemently than Kurt would have thought necessary. Kurt frowns. This whole day has been an adventure in unearthing a piece of Sebastian Smythe that Kurt has never seen, and that’s saying something considering how long they’ve been together.

“You said that hours ago!” Kurt groans.

Sebastian drops his arms, looking oddly defeated.

“Look, if you don’t want to wait, then…fucking…go to bed, okay?” Sebastian grumbles, running a hand through his mussed up hair.

This isn’t the way Kurt wanted this night to end, but Sebastian’s irrational anger towards him is completely unwarranted, and he has no intention of being Sebastian’s punching bag.

“Fine,” Kurt says, turning from Sebastian, his tree, and this whole decorating fiasco, to storm away. He stops a few steps, hoping that Sebastian will calm down and ask him to stay. After all, it’s a stupid thing to argue over a Christmas tree, no matter what the reason. What Sebastian needs to do is realize that everything is going to turn out alright whether the tree is perfect or not. Sebastian got the luck of the draw as far as families went; he should know that by now. But Sebastian isn’t listening to him, and he’s not going to listen until he gets this out of his system.

That’s something Kurt can’t help him with, and Sebastian apparently isn’t going to ask him to.

Kurt leaves Sebastian to wrestle with the tree alone and goes begrudgingly to bed.

***

“Kurt?” Locked in the unpleasant darkness of sleep, Kurt feels his arm jerk. “Kurt? Wake up.”

Kurt doesn’t remember falling asleep. As far as he’s concerned, he laid his head on his cold pillow, wrapped the blanket around him, and blinked. Now, it’s dark and someone has his arm, trying to tug him back to consciousness.

“What?” Kurt mumbles, heavy lips refusing to form words.

“Kurt, wake up,” Sebastian says, tugging harder until he nearly lifts Kurt off the mattress. “I need to show you something.”

“Now?” Kurt responds, working to open his eyes so he can give Sebastian an appropriate glare, but the most he can manage is a kind of cartoonish glower, eyebrows rising too far up his forehead in a sad attempt at lifting his eyelids.

“Yes, now,” Sebastian says, grabbing Kurt by the shoulders and shaking him awake.

“Wh---what, no, stop…Sebastian!” Kurt yells, pushing his fiancé away.

“Good, you’re up,” Sebastian says, standing from the bed and pulling Kurt up with him. “There’s something I want you to see.”

“You know, if we were actually married right now, I’d be considering a divorce,” Kurt mutters, pinching Sebastian’s hands to remove them from his shoulders.

“And that’s why I love you,” Sebastian mocks, keeping his hands clamped to Kurt’s shoulders, heedless of the pain.

Sebastian maneuvers a drowsy Kurt into the living room and stands him before the tree. Kurt sighs when he sees it – this beautiful bane of his existence. Kurt rubs his eyes, fighting for clarity, realizing that if Sebastian woke him up to see the tree, something about it must be different.

“Okay,” Kurt says in an exhale of breath, looking the tree over, searching for the change.

The tree stands straight and tall (thought it doesn’t look much different in posture than it did hours before, but Kurt isn’t about to make it an issue.) Every branch is covered with sparkling LED lights in rich shades of blue, red, green, and purple, which fade here and there randomly to give it the effect of stars in the night sky. There is no star on top just yet (because they had promised to do that together). But aside from the lights, the tree is bare…bare except for one ornament, hanging alone, front and center – a spot Kurt always considered a place of honor.

Kurt takes a step forward, looking at the ornament carefully, biting his lower lip when he sees it so that he doesn’t giggle and embarrass himself.

Dangling from a sterling silver hanger on a prominent branch is an ornament of a cherry red Mustang – the same make and model as Sebastian’s Mustang.

“Where…where did you get that?” Kurt asks in awe, walking up to the expertly crafted keepsake. The ornament is rendered so well, is so precisely detailed, that Kurt can almost imagine it starting up and driving away.

“It actually wasn’t that hard,” Sebastian says, acting nonchalant though he feels like dancing. He’s trying hard not to play into old habits and dismiss the gesture. He likes the way Kurt’s face lights up at his surprise. “The hard part was making sure the tree was perfect so that I could put the frickin’ thing on.”

Kurt’s breath hitches and he nearly swallows his tongue.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” he says, turning in Sebastian’s arms and fixing him with a proper glare, “you went all Captain A. R. trying to get the tree perfect…for me?”

Sebastian looks into Kurt’s eyes and shrugs, a sly smile sneaking up one corner of his mouth.

“Maybe I didn’t want the tree to be perfect for everyone else,” Sebastian admits, leaning down and kissing Kurt at the junction of his neck and his shoulder. “Maybe I wanted it perfect for you.”

“Is that…is that true?” Kurt asks, taking Sebastian in his arms.

“I wish I could say it wasn’t,” Sebastian says, wearing the nostalgic grin that melts the passing years from his face, “but yeah. It’s kind of true. I mean, Liv’ll make fun of me no matter what, and Julian can suck it…”

“Which he probably will,” Kurt says.

“Yeah,” Sebastian chuckles, “he probably has.” He lets his last few chuckles die before he continues. “And I love my mom and dad, but the only person I care about impressing is you.”

“Oh, Sebastian,” Kurt says, putting a hand to Sebastian’s cheek, “that is the sappiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Sebastian’s grin grows to epic proportions.

“Did it work?” he asks, running a hand up Kurt’s back and massaging the nape of his neck. “Do you forgive me?”

“Oh, yeah,” Kurt says, resting their foreheads together, kissing his fiancé gently. “It definitely worked. I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, whispering the next words into Kurt’s mouth between kisses, “so you keep telling me.”

#acitw #acitw au #kurtbastian #sebkurt #sekurt #kurt hummel #sebastian smythe

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walkerismychoice · 5 years

Text

Better Version of Me (Logan X MC)

Book: ROD

Pairing: Logan X MC

Rating: PG-13

Note: This was a request from @choicesarehard for #51 from the kiss prompt list - Public Kiss, with a specific request to do the dancing at the side-show from Logan’s POV.

Word Count: 1257

Tag List: (I know my ROD list includes both Logan and Colt stans, so if you only want to be tagged in one or the other let me know) @tmarie82 @choicesarehard @lizeboredom @debramcg1106 @ifyouseekheart @flyawayboo @client-327 @lovehugsandcandy @blackcatkita @a-whore-of-rome @rhymesmenagerie @khakie4 @powdesiree1986, @zaffrenotes, @mfackenthal @teenytinymagician @alegria1580 @plutostudie-s @choiceslife @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @fluffy-marshmallow-heart @frugalchoicer @drakesensworld @leelee10898 @instantstudentcoffee @god-save-the-keen @brightpinkpeppercorn

“Whoa, I’ve never seen people move like that before in real life,” Gabi muses as she looks out over the dance floor, a mix both horror and awe on her face.

Logan isn’t sure what he’s doing here. Showing Gabi around the side-show had been fun and he’d started to let himself pretend just for a minute this thing with her could be real. He’d introduced her to Vaughn for fucks sake, the only person from his past who meant anything to him. The other girls had never been worth the effort because he’d let them go soon enough, just like he should be doing with Gabi once they don’t need her anymore. Kaneko showing up to give Logan his car had been a cold, hard reality check, a reminder that this is just another job. But the job is to earn her trust and get her to stick around, so keeping her interest is crucial, and this opportunity is too perfect to pass up. “Would you like to move like that?

Gabi bashfully looks down at the ground. “I seriously doubt I could.”

“You never know ‘til you try, right?” This girl has a lot going for her, but she could really use a boost of self-confidence. Logan reasons he’ll be helping her with that in the least. He extends a hand to her. “Dance with me.” He leads her to the center of the dance floor and spins her to face him, but Gabi takes an awkward step back. “You’re going to have to get a little closer to me than that.”

Gabi takes a half step forward. “Like this?”

“I don’t bite.” Logan smirks. “Not unless you ask nice.” Gabi blushes furiously, and Logan realizes that had been a tad much. However, he wouldn’t mind... He quickly shakes off the thought, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her flush against him.

Gabi’s jaw drops. “This is really close.”

“Move with me. Feel the beat.” He rolls his hips against her. He watches her look down to where their bodies meet, her brows furrowed in concentration as she tries and fails to match his rhythm. “You’re overthinking this.”

“I overthink everything,” she murmurs.

“Look at me.” Logan hooks a finger under her chin, tilting her face up until their eyes meet, and he rests his forehead against hers.

“Ohmygod, I’m gonna trip over my own feet. I’m freaking out, my heart’s racing-”

Logan suppresses a chuckle at her adorable awkwardness, wondering if she realizes she’s thinking out loud. He’s used to girls throwing themselves at him without being subtle or shy about it. Gabi is like a breath of fresh air. “If your heart’s racing, that means you’re doing it right. Just do what feels natural.” She throws her arms over his shoulders and he rests a hand on the small of her back. He tries to the ignore the fact that his heart might be beating faster too. “When it hits the beat again, fall back against my hand.”

“What? No way-”

“I’ll catch you. I promise.” The beat comes and Gabi bends back, Logan’s firm hold supporting her as he pulls her back towards him. “I know what I’m doing.” That’s true of the dance moves at least. He dips her down and pulls her back into his arms right as the song ends.

“Wow,” Gabi breathes.

“I know,” Logan answers, getting lost for a moment in her deep brown eyes. He rests his forehead against hers as they catch their breath.

“I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day...” Gabi Looks over outside of the dance floor like she’s ready to leave, but Logan isn’t, and he pulls her back.

“Not so fast. I like this one. It’ll be easy.” Logan wraps one arm around her waist and pulls her other hand up with his. She smells so good and fits so perfectly in his arms. Too bad he can’t get used to it.

“Where’d you learn to dance like this?”

“Around,” He answers vaguely. She doesn’t need all the sordid details of his past.

“Around...girls?” she presses.

“Are you jealous?” Logan smiles and pulls her closer. “I kinda like when you’re jealous.” He honestly gets more satisfaction from this than he should. He wants to think it’s just nice to be wanted by anyone, but he’s normally annoyed when other girls show the slightest hint of jealousy. He likes being wanted by her.

Gabi sighs. “You probably have a lot more experience than me.”

He sees her confidence waning again. Of course sexually speaking his experience is much greater than someone with none, but relationship-wise, not so much and that’s not really something he’s proud of. “I have different experience than you. Don’t confuse the two. You’re the girl I’m here with. You heard what Vaughn said earlier, right?”

“He said you bringing a girl around was a special occasion,” Gabi recalls.

“Vaughn has a flair for the dramatic but...”

“You don’t have to say it,” she assures him which is good because he won’t. Because this is just a diversion and it can’t mean anything. Logan spins her away and then back in again, running a hand down her braided hair to her cheek and all the way down her chest. Despite the palpable fluttering of her heart, she doesn’t look away. “Logan...”

His fingers slide down the thin fabric of her red tube top, grazing over the soft, warm strip of exposed skin between her shirt and waistband, his eyes following the path that he just traced, taking in every inch of her. He has a feeling she doesn’t typically dress like this. On the one hand, he doesn’t want her to think she has to look a certain way for him, but on the other, she looks so damn hot that he won’t complain. “Yeah?” He encourages, knowing he could be leading them both further into dangerous territory.

“I really need you to kiss me right now.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” He cups her cheek, pulling her in and pressing his lips against hers, just as sweet and soft as he remembers. She traces her tongue over his lips and he takes that as an invitation to deepen the kiss.

Gabi pulls back with rosy cheeks and a big grin on her face. “And what would you call that move?”

“They haven’t come up with the words for it yet.” He kisses her neck and collarbone and back up to her lips again. He feels her tremble beneath his touch and hears her whimper almost inaudibly.

“Remember when I said I didn’t want to dance before?” Gabi asks. “I hate that version of me.

“Version of you? What do you mean?”

“Just...sometimes being one kinda person...then sometimes another.”

Logan can already see Gabi for who she is. She might need a little push here and there to come out of her shell, but she’s she smart, brave, and genuine...unlike him. “Huh. Well, I like the you I know. And there’s only one version of me.” A guy who would never be worthy of someone like her.

“Well I like him too.” Gabi smiles softly and a pang of guilt hits Logan hard. There may be only one version of him, but its a lying, scheming criminal. If she really got to know him, she wouldn’t like him at all. Hopefully for her sake, they can get what they need, and he can just fade away while she moves on to bigger and better things.

#playchoices fanfic #rod #rod logan #logan x mc #kiss prompt #my fic

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jencsi · 5 years

Text

Tangled Web

Drabble based on that scene from Backfire I made gif’s for earlier. Finn and Nick.

“What’s the web telling you?” he asked when he discovered her hunkered over her desk, crime scene photos littered the landscape of her work space.

“What?” she asked back, not actively listening to him, her hands pressed against her forehead in a gesture of concentration and mild annoyance.

“The case,” Nick continued, drawing up a chair to sit beside her “somethings bugging you.”

“Not something, everything,” she exclaimed, shaking her head, trying to rid the foggy feeling and lack of concentration from it.

“You’re stuck,” Nick concluded “want me to walk it with you?”

Julie tore her eyes away from the confounded photos to pierce him with a sad gaze. As much as she knew he could help, as much as she wanted him to, this case, this time was different.

“I can’t,” she sobbed, frustrated “I mean, you can’t, I know you mean well Nicky but, this is for court, I have to do it myself.”

“Which case?” he asked her now, knowing that information was not confidential.

“An old one,” she said, brushing aside two photos and pulling up the report “homicide on the north side of Vegas, three victims, all hit with blunt objects but day shift couldn’t identify the weapon so they called my in to analyze the spatter and wounds with Doc, we determined that the weapon was the back of a hockey stick and the victims friend played hockey and he was alive and well, day shift had more evidence on him to send him to trial next week and they asked me to review my notes and pictures.”

“Okay,” Nick said, “typical stuff, no big deal, just tell them what you found.”

She pierced him with another sad look and sobbed again “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Nick asked confused.

“I can’t remember it Nicky,” she confessed “I processed this scene in November, two thousand fourteen, Doc and I wrapped the case with dayshift in January two thousand fifteen, that was the last time I saw it before, -

She stopped talking, turning away to stare back at the photos with tear filled eyes now. Now he understood her frustration and anger. She had been attacked a month later and stuck in the coma. After all this time, it seemed her brain was still struggling to put pieces back together of her life and now her work prior to the attack.

“Baby I’m sorry,” Nick offered sympathies immediately because his silence was likely hurting her more “did you call Doc to talk about it? Maybe he can jog your memory?”

“I already did,” she sighed “he told me everything, says we stayed late in autopsy, he has the log from when we took notes, my signature on the files, my photos, my blood markers, but it’s not there Nicky, I can’t make my brain remember and it’s going to cost us this case, a killer is going to walk.”

“But the evidence speaks for itself,” Nick tried to assure her, scooting up on the chair to look at her work “the bloody stick, the wounds on the victims, the fact that the guy wasn’t home during the attack, that’s plenty.”

“I know, I know that!” she lashed out, running her fingers through her hair “but lawyers are brutal Nicky, they could tear apart everything we built, what if they question me for too long? I don’t have any answers to give them about how I processed because it’s gone, it’s all gone Nicky, and he took it from me.”

She snapped out the last sentence, thinking of Winthrop and what he did and how, even after four years, it was still affecting her.

“Hey,” Nick tried to soothe her, abandoning the chair and moving to stand beside her “he didn’t take it from you, it’s all here, and I bet it’s up here too somewhere.”

He was gentle as he reached out to sweep her hair back delicately as opposed to the way she ran her hands through her hair viciously. The subject of her injuries did not go undisclosed over the years as both her doctors and the team had concerns about what she was going through, physically and mentally. As quickly as she had recovered, today was a cruel reminder that there were still steps to go in the healing process. Something small like an old case coming back to bother her was much more massive than normal people would anticipate.

“Do you think so?” she asked him with hope in her voice.

“Yeah, it’s gotta be,” Nick said with more gusto now that he knew she was no longer on edge “maybe I can help you find it.”

As unlikely as it was that she would have a sudden epiphany right there, she felt compelled to try. Before she had time to process what to do next, Nick had taken her hand and guided her out of the chair and away from the desk. He took her to a quieter place, the couch, where he settled back on it first before pulling her to rest with him.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed her “and tell me everything about the blood, everything you remember.”

“Drops,” she whispered from where she had rested her head on his chest “trails going in every direction in the house, three bodies, spatter on the walls, cast off on the ceiling, there was a pool around each victim, all from their heads, David had done the preliminary but couldn’t determine a weapon.”

“Keep talking about the blood,” he encouraged her.

“It was tacky,” she continued “it had happened just a few hours ago”

She tapped her fingers together, imitating how the blood stuck to her gloves. Nick watched her face scrunch up as she started to think more about what she saw at the scene. Every little twitch of her face, touch of her fingers to each other, crinkle of her forehead, was a tick, a method of memory for her. It was her brain doing what it did best; consulting, intellectually connecting the dots, rewiring and sparking with little bursts of understanding. If smoke could plume out of her ears, he would not be surprised.

“I followed the trails, and the spatter on the walls and ceiling,” she continued “I measured it with strings and had a whole path of them, I took over a hundred photos, the dayshift guy was getting annoyed with me.”

Nick smirked, knowing she probably put him in his place with one sharp, killer look.

“And then?” Nick asked.

“We secured the scene after a few hours,” she went on “I had swabs, photos, strings, lasers, I worked really hard on it Nicky.”

“I know you did,” he validated her work, remember how many times he had watched her work at crime scenes, watched her eyes follow the trails, watched her forehead crinkle in confusion, then her eyes go wide in realization, watched her squint to see the drops, crawl under things to get the right angle and photo, climb outrageous heights to measure the distance and set the strings perfectly. She was, as Russell had dubbed her, the blood whisperer and the title went deeper than any of them realized.

“Don’t ever think for a second that you’ve lost anything because of, you know who,” he assured her, sensing she was getting restless again and rubbing her back to soothe her and keep her still in his arms.

She could not answer back, feeling exhaustion drain her now as Nick kept his arms around her, having accomplished what he wanted, getting her to settle down and think, but not overthink, her work. He did not know what the court session would bring, but he knew exactly what she would bring to it; her brilliant mind, in all it’s restless glory.

#julie finlay #nick stokes #finn and nick #otp #csi cbs #writing #fan fiction

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write-havoc · 6 years

Text

This Is How I Disappear Ch. 34

Summary: A girl named Chuck finds herself in the exact place she doesn't want to be, living with violent men in a desolate nursing home. After her former gym teacher finds her, will he be the savior she was looking for?

Fandom: The Walking Dead AU

Pairing: Negan/Original Female Character

Status: Completed (story continues in The Flame Is Gone, The Fire Remains)

Contains: swearing, violence, sexual assault, blood, smut

Readers 18+ of age only

Masterlists in my bio

Chuck turns over in the bed and can tell that Negan hadn’t slept in it at all. She lets out a huff and looks at the time, just past 10am. She gets up, showers, dresses, eats breakfast, throws up breakfast all over herself, redresses, then finally sits down with her knitting. She does that for a while, thinking that Negan would come in at some point.

But he doesn’t.

Chuck is so confused about what had happened the night before. Negan had acted like he wanted to say something to her, but he wouldn’t get it out. Then when she told him that he could open up to her because they were friends, he left. And he seemed angry.

What did I do? I don’t understand what I did that could make him angry enough to want to avoid me. Ugh.

Is it me or is it him? Did I mess up or is he going through something? Like... is he having second thoughts about me and the baby?

Chuck tries to push all those thoughts out of her head and heads downstairs. She thinks that maybe she’ll visit Carson. Or Amber. Or maybe she’ll just wander around to try to keep herself occupied.

Heading down the hallway on the first floor, Chuck sees Simon talking to Dwight down the hall. She gives him a little wave and continues walking, not wanting to interrupt him.

“Hey, Chuck,” Simon calls out after she passes him and walks down the hall.

Chuck turns around and walks back to him as he walks away from Dwight and towards her. “Hi.”

Simon looks her up and down before he says anything else. “What are you doing down here?”

She shrugs. “I was bored.” She doesn’t think it would be a good idea to mention that she thinks Negan is avoiding her. “So what’s on your plate today?”

“Well, I gotta run shit since Negan’s off site.”

Chuck’s stomach drops. He didn’t even tell her that he was leaving today. “Oh?” is all she can reply.

“Yeah.” Simon looks a little confused. “He’s off helping this community with something,” he elaborates rather vaguely.

“Hilltop?”

Simon seems to relax a little.“Yeah. Hilltop.” Chuck figures he doesn’t want to be responsible for telling her something that Negan doesn’t want her to know.

“He found the women?”

“Uh.” He shoves his hands in his pocket. “Maybe. We got word back that they found the guys. They’re gonna watch them for a while before they take them down. And get the women out of there.”

Chuck nods. “That’s good.”

Someone down the hall calls for Simon and he bids his farewell. Chuck continues on her way and gives a quick hello to Carson, but he’s just as averse to small talk as ever. So on she goes. When she realizes that she’s near the laundry room, she wonders if Amber is there. She walks in and looks around.

The room looks like a typical laundromat, but with only five sets of washers and dryers. And from what Chuck knows about how the laundry works, there are people that wash, dry, and fold the laundry. Then there are the people that deliver the laundry to everyone. It costs points to have clean clothes, so most of the laundry that goes through this place belongs to the saviors. And Negan and the wives, of course.

Chuck sees Amber at a large table folding clothes. “Hey, stranger!” she calls out.

Amber looks up and smiles wide. “Chuck!”

Chuck heads toward the table and starts to pick up a shirt. “Can I help?”

“Yeah! We’re pretty laid back down here. No one will mind.”

A middle aged woman brings over another hamper of clean clothes and sets them on the table. She looks Chuck up and down, taking in her dress. “So which one are you, then?” she directs at her, not sounding entirely mean. More matter of fact.

“Um. I’m Chuck.”

“Oh. The, uh, newest one.” She gives Chuck an almost sad look. Chuck knows that Negan told everyone about what happened with her and Brendon the same time he told them she was a wife. This woman must feel sorry for her because of that.

Amber butts in. “I’ve told them about how amazing the wives are. How people are wrong about the kind of people they are. And that they’re all my friends. And I told them about you, too.”

“Oh,” Chuck responds a little nervously. “All good things, I hope.”

The women all go back to work, conversing easily as they switch the loads and fold. Amber asks if she can take a break and the lady in charge lets her. She and Chuck head outside to sit at Chuck’s picnic table under the warm late summer sun.

“So, how have you been, Amber? I haven’t seen you in a while. You’re so big now!” Chuck starts.

Amber runs her hand over her stomach. “Twenty eight weeks.” She giggles. “I’ve been good. Me and Mark have been really good.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.”

Amber is quick to respond. “No. It’s okay. With everything you went through... I know you needed some time.”

Chuck wipes a tear from her eye before it can fall. “I feel like I abandoned you since I’ve been away from the infirmary.”

“No, no. Don’t think that. I still have Carson. And Kayla. And they brought in this new baby doctor from another community. He checked me all out. He’s actually Dr. Carson’s brother, if you can believe that.”

“Oh yeah. I met him. He was really nice.”

Amber looks confused for a second. “Why did you meet him? If you haven’t been in the infirmary.”

Chuck can’t think of a single way to answer that question that doesn’t involve using the words “I’m pregnant” so she just stares at her for a few moments.

Amber’s face goes from confused, to surprised, then back to confused in a matter of seconds. “Chuck!” she whispers loudly like she doesn’t want anyone to hear, but can’t stop herself from being excited. “You’re not...?” She lets the words hang, but Chuck knows what she’s asking.

Chuck can’t help but smile and nod at her. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Oh my god!” Amber squeals.

Chuck pats at the air in front of Amber. “Shh!”

“Sorry!” she yells again, then lowers her volume. “Sorry. It’s just... Wow! It’s Negan’s, right?”

“Of course it’s Negan’s!”

“How far along are you?” she asks lowly.

“Ten weeks.”

“Oh, wow. So you were pregnant when-“

Chuck interrupts her with a nod. “I didn’t know it until the day after that.”

“Is Negan... good with it?” Amber asks tentatively.

“He’s really happy about it,” Chuck answers, trying to push the thoughts that Negan is actively avoiding her away.

“I’m really glad. He always told us he never wanted us to get pregnant. But I guess you were always different.”

Chuck shrugs and laughs a little nervously. “I guess.”

“The first trimester kinda sucks, doesn’t it?” Amber asks with a little chuckle.

“Yeah.” Chuck giggles. “I actually threw up all over myself this morning.”

Amber laughs. “Oh, I don’t mis that!”

“Do you know the sex or are you being surprised?”

Amber puts her hands on her belly. “A girl. We’re still thinking about names, though.”

“You got some time”

“Do you have a little belly yet?” Amber asks with a huge smile.

“Just a little,” Chuck answers with a chuckle. “I still want to be involved with your pregnancy, but I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be when you go into labor. I might be huge myself,” she jokes.

Amber’s face suddenly gets serious. “Are you really happy, Chuck?”

She thinks for a moment. “Yeah. I am.”

“Good. Because I think you’re good for Negan. The workers talk about how he’s changed for the better and I’m pretty sure it’s because of you.”

“Really?” Chuck doesn’t really know what to say to that.

“I mean, we saw it a little bit upstairs, but apparently the workers saw an even bigger change with him. He seems happier, more focused... I don’t know, that’s what the workers say.”

“Hmm. I’m not sure if I have that kind of sway, but if everyone here is happier with Negan, then I’m happier, too.”

They chat for a little while longer then say their goodbyes. Chuck decides to go back upstairs to laze around, not really wanting to interact with anyone else. But being alone is causing her to overthink everything again. She figures she’ll just wait for Negan to return and then apologize for whatever she did in hopes that it will fix everything.

After she eats dinner, she changes into her sleep clothes and curls up on the couch to watch a movie. She must have fallen asleep during it because she wakes up on the couch with a kink in her neck when the first morning sunlight streams through the window and hits her face. She looks to the bed and sees that it’s empty and still made.

Negan didn’t come back?

Negan didn’t come back.

Should I be worried that he’s in trouble out there? I’m pretty sure Simon would tell me if that were the case. Or should I be worried that he just doesn’t want to come back here because I’m here?

Chuck lets out a sigh and gets into the bed to go back to sleep. When she wakes up later on, there is still no sign that Negan has been back.

“Whatever,” she mutters to herself and gets up to have breakfast.

The whole rest of the day, she sticks to herself, staying in Negan’s apartment or her own room across the hall. She goes to bed again in Negan’s room by herself.

Sometime in the middle of the night, the closing of the bathroom door wakes Chuck up. She can hear the shower running and water splashing around in there. When the door opens, she sits up and turns to Negan.

“How did it go?” Chuck asks quietly.

“I’m tired as fuck,” he responds curtly. “Just go back to sleep.” He gets in the bed and turns away from her.

Chuck lays back down and tries to forget about Negan’s dismissal so she can get back to sleep. But it’s no use. When Negan starts to softly snore, she gets out of bed quietly and heads for her own room.

If Negan doesn’t want me there then I won’t cramp his style by being there.

Chuck curls up in her own blankets in her own room and goes back to sleep.

She wakes up with a start when her door bursts open some time later.

“What the fuck!” Negan yells from Chuck’s doorway then slams the door shut.

Chuck looks around, trying to get her bearings. Sun shines through her window, telling her that it’s morning. “What?” she rasps, still not fully awake.

“You can’t just fuckin’ disappear on me without telling me where you are? Why the fuck did you leave my room?” he growls.

“Negan, I don’t want to do this, okay?” She lays back down and rubs at her face, hoping Negan will leave her alone. She doesn’t want to talk with him if he’s going to be irate.

“Oh? You don’t want to do this?” Negan chuckles humorlessly. “I don’t give a shit. Fuckin’ answer me.”

This enrages Chuck and she jumps out of her bed. “Really, Negan? You made it abundantly clear that you don’t care if I’m there or not, so I left!”

He laughs at her. “That’s fuckin’ rich.”

“Excuse me?” she bites back with a sneer.

“Oh I’m so fuckin’ sorry, your highness, that I wasn’t tending to your every goddamn need because I had an actual fuckin’ job to do around here,” he spits out sarcastically.

“What is your problem?” she yells back.

He puts his hand on his chest and leans toward her. “Me?” He leans back. “I don’t have a goddamn problem.”

This whole situation and Negan’s attitude, and probably surging hormones, have Chuck spiraling into a rage. “You know what, Negan?” She points to her door. “Get out. Get out of my room!”

He leans into her aggressively, but pure rage has her holding her ground. “This is my fuckin’ room. On my goddamn floor. In my motherfuckin’ building. You are in no position to fuckin’ order me around!”

She shoves at his chest to get him away from her. He straightens himself up, looks down at her, and laughs. This makes her see red and she slaps him across the face and shoves him back again. She pushes past him and out the door.

Chuck sees Sherry standing just outside her own room, which is the next one down the hall, looking in Chuck’s direction. She must’ve heard the yelling. Chuck walks to her and straight into her room. Kayla, who is standing in the middle of Sherry’s room, looks at her surprised.

Sherry closes the door behind them. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” Chuck hears Negan’s office door slam down the hall. “I just...” Her rage starts to subside causing her to just be upset. “I don’t even know!” She starts to sob.

Sherry hugs her and softly caresses her hair. “It’s okay. Just calm down.”

Kayla rubs Chuck’s back. “Shh. I’m sure emotions are just high.”

Chuck pulls away from Sherry and starts to pace. “He’s just so... I don’t know! He didn’t even tell me he was going off site!” She sucks in a hiccuping breath. “And then he brushed me off! Like, does he not even want me here?”

“Hey.” Kayla puts her hand on Chuck’s back to still her motion. “Why don’t you sit down?”

Chuck starts to hyperventilate. “Wh-Why did he-“ The lack of oxygen makes her suddenly dizzy and she stumbles a little.

Sherry rushes over and helps Kayla get Chuck to the bed. “Okay, okay. You need to breathe slower, Chuck. Chuck?”

Chuck isn’t listening. No matter how hard she tries to calm down, she continues to hyperventilate and hiccup.

“Chuck?!” Kayla grasps her face. “Listen to us. Breathe in. Come on.”

Sherry lets out a huff. “This is bullshit. Negan needs to make this right.” She turns to go out the door.

“No!” Chuck calls out. “Don’t tell him.”

Sherry doesn’t listen to her and continues out the door.

——— Negan POV ———

After I slam my door, I stomp into my room and get dressed. As soon as I get my boots laced, Sherry comes flying into my room.

“Get the fuck out,” I say immediately.

“What happened?” Sherry asks.

“None of your fucking business.”

“What did you do?” She asks pointedly.

I laugh. “What did I do?” I shake my head. I didn’t do a goddamn thing. She should be asking Chuck what she fuckin’ did. “She’s just over-fucking-reacting.”

Sherry lets out a breath through flared fuckin’ nostrils. “Well, she’s upset.”

I throw on my jacket and turn back to her. “And why the fuck should I care about that? We’re not together. We’re not in a goddamn relationship. I’m just some fuckin’ dick to her, so why should I give a shit if she’s upset.”

Sherry looks at me for a second. “Is that why you fought? Because she doesn’t... want a relationship with you?”

“I don’t have time for this shit.” I push past her to my bedroom door.

“She’s afraid.”

I stop before I cross the doorway and turn around. “Of me?” I ask quietly. She has to know I would never raise my hands to her.

“Of loving you. I think. She hasn’t said it outright, but she has said that you would never love her. She really thinks that.”

Shit. Is that really it? Would she love me if I just fuckin’ told her that I love her? She might not. She might tell me to fuck off. Sherry might just be full of shit.

I don’t know what to say to Sherry so I just stare at her for a second.

She lets out a sigh. “I better get back to her to try to get her calmed down.”

“Is she really that upset?”

“She was hyperventilating pretty bad.”

“Shit.” I go out the door, headed for Sherry’s room with her trailing behind me.

When I walk in, I see Chuck sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the bed and Kayla crouched beside her. Chuck is sobbing and hiccuping. And fuckin’ shaking all over.

“Fuck. Come here.” I sit down beside her and pull her into my lap. I wrap my arms around her and start to rub her back. “Come on, baby girl. Breathe with me. Focus on my breaths.” I can feel that she’s trying, but she’s still fuckin’ not breathing right. “Count my heartbeats, baby girl.” I shift her so her ear is directly over my heart.

——— ———

Chuck tries to focus on Negan’s breathing and heartbeat. It takes a while, but Chuck calms down and begins to breathe normally. But she feels so out of energy that she can barely move.

“You okay, baby girl?” Negan coos into her temple.

Chuck nods meekly.

“I’m taking her back to my room,” he says to Sherry and Kayla, who have been standing by watching. He stands up and starts to carry her to the door.

“She needs rest, Negan.” Kayla responds. “Whatever you fought about-“

“I’m gonna let her rest, Kayla. Jesus Christ.”

Negan leaves and goes back into his room. He places Chuck on the bed and tucks her into the blankets. “Just get some sleep, sweetheart.”

She falls asleep almost instantly.

When she wakes up some time later, the most delicious smell is swirling around her. She gets out of bed and heads for the kitchen toward the source. As soon as she steps in, she sees Negan pulling a pizza out of the oven and setting it on the counter.

She lets on an excited gasp. “Pizza!”

“Yeah. I made you pizza.” He gives her a smile and starts to cut the slices.

“Oh my god. I’m so excited! I’ve been craving pizza so bad.” She grabs a slice, not even bothering with a plate or sitting down.

“Watch out. It’s fucking hot.” He grabs a plate and hands it to her. “Hilltop makes the cheese. So I can make you pizza whenever you want.”

She takes a bite. “Oooohh my god! I’m gonna actually cry.”

Negan chuckles and watches her eat.

“The cheese is sooo good. And I love your sauce!”

He laughs. “I’m gonna let that one slide.”

They finally sit down and Chuck stuffs herself with the pizza. Negan eats slowly, making sure that Chuck gets as much as she wants.

She finally pushes her plate away and leans back in her chair, pushing her slightly distended belly out. “Thank you for this, Negan.”

“You’re welcome,” he responds with a slight smile.

Chuck looks at him then casts her gaze down. “I’m sorry. About everything. I think my hormones made me get angry with you and made us fight. I know that’s not an excuse, but... I just want you to know that I’m really sorry.”

He lets out a sigh. “Look, Chuck. Don’t worry about it.”

Tears start to well up in her eyes, but she blinks them back. “I hate fighting with you. And I don’t want you mad at me.”

“I’m not-“ He runs his hand down his face. “I’m not mad at you, okay?”

Chuck nods.

“I don’t want to see you get that fuckin’ upset ever again, Chuck. Understand?”

She nods again. “Okay. It won’t happen again.”

#negan #negan fanfiction #negans thirst squad #negan x oc #negan x ofc #negan x original female character #negan / ofc #negan / oc #negan / original female character #jdm #jeffrey dean morgan #the walking dead fanfiction #the walking dead au #the walking dead #this is how i disappear #tihid #writehavoc writes #writehavoc this is how i disappear

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emilyplaysotome · 6 years

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Down the Voltage Rabbit Hole - The Sequel

Last year, to get out of my creative funk I wrote something just for fun that turned into a 50 chapter Voltage Crossover Extravaganza called Down the Voltage Rabbit Hole (read all the chapters here).

When I ended it, I left the door open for a sequel but I have been far too busy to even attempt to write anything. Well...I finished a massive project in my IRL life, and find myself where I was last year - creatively burned out and wanting to write something just for fun that I don’t have to stress about or overthink.

If you loved the original and don’t want to tarnish the ending by reading or if you’ve moved away for the fandom, just let me know and I’ll untag you. It’s very doubtful that I’ll find time to post the way I once did, but I’m hoping to try and do a post once a week or once every other week (and don’t be mad if I can’t stick to that!).

This story goes out to anyone who has ever been confused about their feelings...

Chapter 1 - Trouble in Paradise

I had figured that after a month of experiencing New York City in the real world, that the otome men I’d trapped here would have collectively realized that I was nothing special. After all, the women who live in New York City manage to be beautiful, smart, and witty in a seemingly effortless way as they go about navigating one of the most competitive cities in the world. Obviously a city having the nickname of “the concrete jungle” is not for the faint of heart, and as a result the population of women here exist on another level when it comes to both brains and beauty alike.

However, true to otome form Zyglavis’ eyes never strayed and Jin, Hijikata, Soryu, and Hiroshi continued to chase me undeterred by the ring on my finger. Zyglavis initially laughed off their attention towards me, but slowly their persistence started to wear on him. As Zyg had once done upon arriving in this world, the others quickly adapted as well.

Having been police officers for most of their lives, Jin and Hiroshi (despite my skepticism of their ability to make it in such a violent city) somehow managed to find their place in the NYPD. The two of them, though rivals for my affection, were also close friends and it wasn’t uncommon for them swing by my office that was only a few blocks away from the Tribeca precinct where they both worked. Initially they’d found jobs doing secretarial work, but when a serial mugger seemed to leave no clues behind and the seasoned NYPD detectives floundered, Hiroshi and Jin came together to teach their peers a thing or two. Thanks cracking the case of the Tribeca mugger, their supervisor crafted two personal recommendation letters that in turn managed to get them back to “rookie” status despite being far too old for the NYPD. I had figured that the NYPD must have a few loopholes only accessible to insiders, but it was still a surprise to see that both these men were able to reclaim the jobs that they’d been conditioned to have in their world. Because their precinct was only a few blocks away from where I spent most of my days at work, this odd couple of sorts always managed to get me to join them for lunch. Initially I told Zyg about our salad runs to sweetgreen (it was always the two of them and a few girls from my office), but as tensions grew surrounding my friendships with the guys I found myself keeping more and more to myself despite the fact that I saw them practically every day. Similar to Jin and Hiroshi, Soryu and Hijikata soon became thick as thieves.

Hijikata was someone who lived by his sword and would always be soldier at heart. His days had been previously spent training incessantly for war, yet living in the modern world provided little opportunity to fight. Training however, was something that CrossFit provided and Hijikata took to it like a moth to a flame.

Between Hijikata’s Shinsengumi code of honor and Soryu’s mob values the two normally stoic men somehow managed to get quite close, and before I knew it Hijikata and Soryu were two of the most popular instructors at a gym around the corner from me. Once they’d established themselves within the gym’s rotation, they invited me to workout with them. Not wanting to pass up access to a free gym (something far overpriced in New York), I attended in secret - worried that similar to the salad runs with Jin and Hiroshi my CrossFit participation would elicit unnecessary strife in a relationship that was far rockier these days.

I’ll admit that seeing Hijikata not only adapt so well, but confidently lead a class in a way he’d led his soldiers stirred something in my heart. It was apparent that I wasn’t the only one affected by his leadership skills, and as a result I was often forced to silently watch on as women attempted to get close to him (and Soryu for that matter). “Am I doing this right?” They’d ask, arching their backs and sticking out their rear ends with the hopes of enticing them a little. At first I could see that Soryu and Hijikata were offput by how forward women in this world were, but as the weeks went on they soon were unfazed by the behavior. I once overheard a conversation between them where they’d been keeping tally of how many women had made a stealthy advance on them – whoever had been approached more had to do the other’s laundry. I wish I could say it didn’t bother me and I knew it wasn’t fair to be possessive in any way towards these imaginary men who I’d rejected for an ex-God who seemed to grow unhappier with every day that passed in this world.

Most recently I’d seen one of the prettier women in class approach them after our hour of physical torture was up, and invite them to parties or for drinks – only to be met with polite decline. “Oh I’m sorry,” she’d said with a bright smile. “I didn’t mean to be forward. I just wanted to extend an invite - feel free to bring your girlfriends.” My eyes met Hijikata’s momentarily before I forced myself out of my old feelings for him, and exited the gym unclear as to what his response would be. It was in those moments that I questioned if choosing Zyglavis had been the right thing to do.

I felt greedy and selfish but something had happened with all of them that reminded me of the time I’d spent with them in otome-ville, and that they’d all collectively unlocked some long lost part of myself that wanted to believe in the goodness of men and possibility of romance. Naturally I would never act on the occasional flare up of feelings, but I found that despite this Zyglavis and I were arguing more and more.

“We have a responsibility to them!” I found myself yelling at him one night. “And you don’t get to dictate who I can and cannot speak with.” “This is different!” Zyglavis snapped. Leon had stopped by that night and had mentioned that with all the guys firmly settled into clear life paths, he felt that it was time for him to forge his own path in this world. He was moving out of the share house he’d found them in Bushwick and into an apartment of his own, where he could have more autonomy. He was fairly vague about how exactly he hoped to leave a mark on this world in his less-than-godly current state, but knowing Leon I wasn’t concerned for his well-being. I’d hoped that for once in his life Leon would refrain from upsetting Zyg, but naturally he found time to fan the flames right before he left our apartment by casually letting me know with an arrogant grin that my cross-fit routine was “really paying off”. I rolled my eyes at the unwanted compliment, and shooed Leon away but the second we were alone Zyglavis freaked out. I found myself trying to play it cool - noting that they invited me and it was hard to say no to a free class that normally would run for $50 a pop. Yet, as Zyg grew more and more irate and jealous, I realized that something between the two of us had broken.

Zyglavis has alluded to the fact that he believed my continued involvement with these men had meant that I was doing something wrong, and as a result I’d started keeping things from him. I could feel the tears well up and I shouted at him, “A relationship doesn’t work without trust. You either trust me or you don’t. And I guess you don’t anymore.” He froze in his tracks and looked forlorn before quietly saying my name. I tried to control my loud, ugly sobs as I packed a few things into an overnight bag and left our apartment wondering if maybe I’d made a mistake choosing Zyglavis after all.

In a group text to my girls I asked if any of them would mind housing me, and Meg offered up her spare bedroom immediately. As I headed over to her apartment, Sarita and Maya both extended offers as well, clearly concerned about what had happened.

However, when Meg opened the door I was doubly surprised, as she looked just as forlorn as I did. Giving me a big hug she broke down and I learned that Noah had broken up with her. She’d been completely blindsided by it, having been with him the past 6 years, and as miserable as we both were I sought comfort in the fact that we were at least able to be miserable together. “I’m sorry,” she said, after telling me the whole story. “I should be consoling you.” I shook my head, “No way. For years you’ve listened to my misadventures in dating. I’m just having another one - this is different.” Meg burst out crying again, “6 years. We talked about getting married. And then...I don’t even know what...” I hugged her and couldn’t help but think about my harem waiting for me back on the east side. I wondered if Meg would believe me if I told her the truth about who Zyglavis was and if she’d judge me having done the hard work with a “real man” and yet here I was sobbing over someone I knew I could live happily ever after with if I’d just apologize.

I never revealed the truth about my situation and instead we spent the night drowning our sorrows in a bottle of wine that Noah had brought back from a work trip abroad.

Though there were many tears, in typical Meg style the next morning it was as if nothing had happened. She informed me that I could stay as long as I wanted, and that she was going to purge the apartment of all things Noah before taking a week off from work and heading to Connecticut to be with her parents in order to properly re-evaluate her life and reset. “Are you sure?” I asked, not wanting to impose. “Of course. It’ll be nice to know you’re here getting the mail and watering the plants while I’m gone.”

“Consider it done!” She paused momentarily, her eyes leaving mine before she mumbled, “Don’t make the mistake I made Omi. There were so many times I thought I’d end it and never did. If your gut pushed you to leave, listen.”

I nodded and worrying she had overstepped quickly added, “But no matter what happens I’ll be here for you.” I felt compelled in that moment to hug my strong, beautiful friend that hated sentimental bullshit and unnecessary familiar contact and said, “same.” She gave me a little smirk that indicated she’d be fine despite her eyes telling a very different story and then packed a few boxes of Noah’s leftovers for Goodwill and a small suitcase for the week at home. When she finally left and the unfamiliar apartment was filled with silence, my mind drifted back to what Meg had said. I thought about everything Zyglavis and I had been through.

I thought about why I chose him, and I thought about if I would have chosen Hijikata had he been an option back then. I thought about how Soryu had reformed and how he’d once made my heart race in a way that no one else had. I thought about leaving Jin behind because I was certain that he’d never make it in this world, and then had gotten to see firsthand how flawed that thinking was. Lastly, I thought about Hiroshi and how my coworkers were obsessed with him, insisting that I was crazy to have let him slip through my fingers.

Now that they were all here, the truth was that I could see myself being happy with all of them and it was a shame that the one man I was certain could make me happiest was making me more miserable than I’d ever been in my life.

I sighed and reached for my phone that had 10 missed calls and 15 text messages from Zyglavis. I felt badly that my silence had worried him, and even though I wasn’t sure what it was exactly that I wanted to do about our relationship I let him know that I was at Meg’s.

He instantly wrote back, “I’m coming over.”

And much to my surprise, a second later I heard a snap and he appeared before me.

“How…”

Holding up a gloved hand, Zyglavis looked like the man I’d met back in otome-ville except he looked sadder than I’d ever seen him.

“Do you remember the first big fight we had?”

“When you saw Jin texting me?”

Zyglavis nodded, “I left the apartment to cool off that night. At first I was just aimlessly walking, but my feet ended up taking me by Fairway – you know the outdoor area?”

“Sure, where there’s fruit and sale stuff stacked up?”

“I saw an old lady start to take an orange from the stack. She wasn’t tall enough to reach and as a result it started to fall and I just…muscle memory I guess…”

“Hold on – that was a few months back!”

“My powers have just gotten stronger since. Every time we fight – every argument, every positive thought you have about them and negative thought about me…”

Zyglavis looked down, pursing his lips sadly.

“…I feel it because I grow stronger.”

“That doesn’t make – ”

“Of course it does. The king told Leon to bring me home but he knew that could never happen if I still loved you…if you still loved me.”

“I…”

“Do you still love me?”

I held his gaze and we stood in silence in an unfamiliar apartment that was void of six months of our memories together. I wanted to be able to tell him that I did still love him, but Meg’s words weighed heavily on my heart. She’d been with someone for 6 years and had moments of doubt she now regretted pushing away and here I was feeling something unpleasant and uncertain that I couldn’t blindly ignore.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

Zyglavis’ eyes filled with tears, and after a moment he cried out as I watched a surge of power overtake his body. I watched on as he raised his hand and snapped, almost as if it were against his will, and with that one gesture a third being was summoned.

“Well, well,” the king of the heavens said in an amused voice. “It would seem as if I’ve won this game of love after all…”

I could feel the terror I’d felt all those months ago seize my heart once more as I realized that my uncertainty might be the undoing of the happy ending I’d once worked so hard to achieve.

Read the next chapter here.

http://emilyplaysotome.tumblr.com/post/173448516237/chapter-2-the-return-of-the-king

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ethospathoslogan · 6 years

Text

undeniably illogical; a sanders sides/logicality fic

A/N: this fic took me so much longer than i thought it would omg but!!! here is some pining!logan!!!

summary: Most of all though, what terrified Logan -more than the irrationality of feelings, more than the thought of losing himself- was that, for once, he was faced with a problem that he didn’t know how to solve. To feel something for someone, for Patton of all people, was a realm that Logan very rarely ventured into. Now that he was in it, he didn’t know how to navigate it and find a way out. Even more terrifying, he didn’t know if he wanted to find a way out. Patton was everything warm and supportive, and Logan found himself basking in his radiance, relieved to finally have the comfort and security that he didn’t realize he desired until he had a taste of it.

ships: logicality

WC: 5,575 words of pining!logan

content: roman and virgil as wing-men, overthinking, pining, confessions

read on ao3!!!

Logan, of all four of the Sides, was not the feelings type. He didn’t particularly do feelings; they weren’t a key aspect of who he was. Feelings went more-so hand-in-hand with Patton, who was the heart and all its touchy human emotions, and Roman, who was every fanciful dream and hope that Thomas could have. Even Virgil was more feelings than Logan, because, despite Virgil not having such exaggerated eccentricities, he was still every suspicious and anxious feeling felt.

Therefore, that left Logan as the levelheaded mediator. He sifted through the nonsense and was the one to look at a situation objectively. When they all were faced with a problem, it was Logan’s job to find the correct, logical solution with nothing emotionally-charged tacked on. He guided Virgil through his anxieties by presenting facts to combat his worries, Roman through his dream-laced hopes by presenting the realities (even if they were harsh), and Patton through his times of high and intense emotion by presenting the truths in their lives that demonstrate that, yes, situations can improve.

Logan accepted his role among the four of them and knew that he had to live with being the stoic one. It typically wasn’t an issue. Even if Logan was faced with a personal problem, the others were usually dealing with something much worse, which meant that Logan had to help even out their emotions and work methodically through whatever problem that was sitting on their shoulders.

Completely hypothetical, of course, but even if Logan was faced with the problem of feeling something, he would have to swallow it down anyway because feeling things was not who he was. Even if he wanted to look at something with a more emotionally-charged viewpoint, it would only further add to his stress to have such a drastic change in who he was, who he was supposed to be.

(Completely hypothetical, of course.)

Then, however, Patton began to happen. No matter how much he tried, Logan realized that he could no longer look at Patton with only objectivity. Patton, sweet Patton, compassionate Patton… how could Logan look at him with anything but subjectivity? Patton, who cared for Logan and looked out for his well-being, even in times when Logan didn’t quite deserve it. Patton, who stood as a beam of comfort and positivity when the rest of them were shaken to the core by the manipulation Deceit had put onto them. Patton, who tried his hardest to listen to what Logan had to offer when it seemed like everyone else wished he would be silent (again).

Logan looked to Patton with a certain type of fondness that threw objectivity out the window and let subjectivity in, along with thoughts that fit more into Roman’s room and plans for how to properly work through his thoughts and receive a proper “happy ending”.

That subjectivity, however, was illogical. And that terrified Logan. Subjectivity was everything Logan was not. And if he started to become what he wasn’t, then who was he? What was the point of being Logic if he could not stick to his core values? Roman was the one who dealt with a racing pulse and a pounding heart, the one who dealt with fanciful illusions of people fitting together neatly because of (non scientific) chemistry, not Logan.

Most of all though, what terrified Logan -more than the irrationality of feelings, more than the thought of losing himself- was that, for once, he was faced with a problem that he didn’t know how to solve. To feel something for someone, for Patton of all people, was a realm that Logan very rarely ventured into. Now that he was in it, he didn’t know how to navigate it and find a way out. Even more terrifying, he didn’t know if he wanted to find a way out. Patton was everything warm and supportive, and Logan found himself basking in his radiance, relieved to finally have the comfort and security that he didn’t realize he desired until he had a taste of it.

Which lead to another problem: Logan, now feeling something that felt like fluttering in his heart, had no clue what he was doing. Logic had no clue what he was doing. The physical embodiment of problem solving had no clue how to solve this particular problem.

Logan, who was sitting at his desk with a whiteboard laid in front of him, crossed off Ask Roman for help. It was the fourth time he had written the suggestion down only to cross it out. To ask Roman for help somehow simultaneously was probably the best and worst thing Logan could do. On one hand, Roman was Creativity, along with Thomas’ romantic and fanciful side. If anyone knew how to navigate romance, it was Roman. On the other hand, however, it was Roman and Roman, for lack of a better word in this time of stress, was very extra. Logan didn’t know if he could count on Roman to give him sound advice, let alone keep his mouth shut around Patton.

But Roman could probably give better advice than Logan could think of.

But it was Roman.

But Roman knew what to do in these types of situations.

But it was Roman. Don’t get him wrong, Logan was very close with the fanciful side, he just didn’t think he could handle Roman’s eccentricities at the moment.

But that only left-

Logan almost sent the whiteboard flying off his desk when there was sudden loud, quick pounding on his door. “Hey Specs, open up!” None other than Roman called on the other side.

Logan steadied himself, taking a deep, slow breath. If he was going to face Roman and not mention his situation, he had to maintain the facade that everything Logan thought he knew about himself was being burnt to the ground. Metaphorically, of course. At least Logan hoped that it remained metaphorical; if his room, the Center for Logic, was set ablaze, he was sure he would be, to quote Virgil, “thoroughly fucked”.

He finally stood and approached his door. His hand hesitated on the doorknob before pulling it open. Roman stood there with a grin and, behind him, Logan’s next worse option after Roman, Virgil.

Logan mentally ran through multiple expletives as he forced a smile onto his face. “Do you two require something?”

Virgil shrugged. “Just here for a chat,” he said, and it probably wasn’t anything foreboding, but Logan, in his state, took it as very ominous.

Still, Logan arched an eyebrow. “About what?” he cautiously asked.

Roman was beaming and leaned back on his heels before pushing himself up on his toes. He was too excited for Logan to let his guard down. “Let us in and we’ll tell you,” he said.

Logan narrowed his eyes as they flicked between the two before him. He had a feeling that they weren’t just here for a casual chat, but he also believed that to bar them from his room would make things more suspicious. Finally, he let out a resigned sigh and took a step back, opening up his door wider so that they could walk through.

Roman might as well have skipped into Logan’s room as Virgil followed slowly in behind him. Virgil gave Logan a steady look that he only returned.

“So,” Logan said as he shut the door behind the three of them. “What is it?”

Roman still had a wide grin on his face. “Me and Virgil here were feeling a lot of feelings,” he said.

“We should probably mention that they were feelings that weren’t ours,” Virgil added on.

Logan’s heart might as well have leapt up to his throat. He should’ve expected this to happen. An abundance of anything -analytical thinking, worry, dreaming, heightened emotions- was bound to alert the governing side. As his own fanciful thoughts and worries increased in their intensity, Roman and Virgil would have felt them more and more, and would have realized that they were not the ones feeling them.

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Oh?” he questioned, trying to act as oblivious as he could. “Would you care to explain?”

“Well,” Roman began. “It started with me. I suddenly started getting all these overwhelming thoughts of hopes and dreams and fantasies and, I mean, yes, I am the dreamy, fantasy guy, but I knew that they weren’t mine! These dreams were too analytical, too full of calculations and things that could go wrong. So, I thought that maybe Sunshine over here was getting a little too lost in his own room with all that dark edginess and loud music and I, being an amazing person, went to go check on him!”

“Which is when I had left my room to go check on Princey,” Virgil explained, taking the opportunity to tell his own part of the story before Roman could. “Because I was getting all of these sudden gross feelings-y thoughts that were, frankly, incredibly anxiety inducing and exhausting. I went to go see what was going on with Roman only to find him right outside my room.”

“Like how you found us,” Roman quickly interjected.

Virgil and Logan both shared an eyeroll and Virgil continued, “So then we worried that something was going on with Patton. We thought, you know, maybe he got too caught up in his room or something and that we would have to go get him out. But-”

“-But it wasn’t Patton!” Roman interrupted, his excitement bursting out of him. Virgil shot him a dirty look but Roman didn’t falter, “Patton is in the Commons having the time of his life because I released some puppies about and-”

“You did what?” Logan’s eyebrows went to his hairline.

“-and even we could feel his happiness radiating from there!” Roman continued. “So, now we are here in your room! Because it seems that you are finally unlocking the cage you have trapped around your emotions and we are here to help!”

“We should have known it was you from the start,” Virgil said with a shrug. “The thoughts were too thought-out. But, you know, we don’t really apply anything remotely fanciful to you.” A pause. “So… what gives?”

Logan sighed and sat down at his desk chair. “You didn’t figure out from the thoughts you received?”

Virgil shook his head and sat down on Logan’s bed, Roman following suit. “Whatever you were feeling didn’t give us super specific ideas,” he explained. “Mostly just this makes no sense and what if it’s not reciprocated and I have no clue what I’m doing. Very not you, Lo.”

“And besides,” Roman said, leaning back on his hands. “We figured you would feel better if you told us yourself instead of us barging in here and screaming out your feelings.”

Logan arched an eyebrow. “Isn’t that exactly what you two did?”

Roman waved his hand dismissively. “Okay, maybe, but we didn’t shout any specifics. That has to count for something.”

Logan sighed with a shrug. “Perhaps.”

“So,” Roman said. “What’s bothering you, Specs?”

Logan didn’t answer. He didn’t even know where to start. Instead, he turned back to his desk and ran his eyes over the whiteboard again. Ask Roman for help written four times and crossed off four times. Write a poem written twice and crossed off twice (if he couldn’t verbalize his thoughts, how could writing them be any better?). Tell Patton written first and ferociously scribbled out. Don’t say anything written once and never crossed out.

“Patton, huh?”

Logan nearly jumped out of his skin upon realizing that Virgil was shadowing him. He flipped the whiteboard over and slammed it back face-down, jostling everything else on his desk.

Roman arched an eyebrow. “Patton?”

“You know,” Virgil said. “I think we made a video that fits a situation just like this and I’m pretty sure I said some bullshit like ‘be yourself’ and it ended up being the best idea of the night.”

Logan felt his stomach drop further and further as he watched Roman quickly put the pieces together in his head. “Oh, that’s adorable!” Roman exclaimed. “You like Patton!”

Logan shushed Roman for fear of any heightened emotions catering to the heart (literally) would just call Patton here. And Logan was not ready to deal with that. Roman clamped his hands over his mouth but Logan could still tell that there was a grin behind them.

“I don’t know, I don’t know,” Logan rushed out. “I have no clue what’s going on and I have no clue what I’m doing.”

The grin fell off Roman’s face into a frown and his hands into his lap. Virgil furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s… not you.”

“Yes, Virgil, I am well aware of that,” Logan snapped. Virgil shifted his eyes and took a small step back. Logan then sighed and adjusted his glasses, pushing them back up the bridge of his nose. “I apologize for snapping at you, I just… this makes no sense.” He flipped back over the whiteboard, this time displaying it to his two companions. “Doesn’t none of this make any sense?”

Roman read over the mostly crossed off list before sliding a glare that contained little bite to Logan. “Just letting you know that I’m extremely offended that I was crossed off that list not once, not twice, but four times.”

“I’m sorry, I just cannot think of a good idea,” Logan said, absent minded, as he read the list back over.

“Another blow to my ego, but it’s okay, I’ll live,” Roman said. “Because we are here to help! Even J.D-lightful over here!”

“I’m more here to be the realistic one,” Virgil interjected and Logan nodded in agreement.

“Still, it’s helping,” Roman beamed. “But your problem is that you’re being too methodical about it, Logan. Love, attraction-” Roman corrected, which Logan appreciated as it eased his rising anxiety “-isn’t about science and numbers. It’s about how you connect with someone. It doesn’t have to make sense.”

“But it should!” Logan said. “I am Logic. I am supposed to be level headed and I’m not supposed to feel things. Doesn’t it strike either of you as odd that I’m… feeling something?”

Virgil and Roman both shared a look and a frown before turning back to Logan. “Logan,” Virgil said slowly. “You know you’re allowed to, like, feel things right? Just because you’re Logic doesn’t mean that you’re some emotionless robot.”

“It’s what we told Patton,” Roman said. “You don’t have to hold back what you feel. Feel what you feel and don’t apply so much logic to it, Logic!”

Logan sighed with a shake of his head. “Redundant and a pun,” he criticized. “And I don’t even understand how I would go about expressing these feelings.”

“You could tell him,” Roman suggested.

Both Logan and Virgil pointed to the scribbled out Tell Patton.

Roman rolled his eyes. “It does not have to be that difficult. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Everything,” both Virgil and Logan said.

Roman pointed at Logan. “Hey, I can’t lose you to the dark side,” he said. “Try to stay remotely positive, at least.”

“We’re just being realistic,” Logan said. “So many things can go wrong, not that they will happen, but they can and I should be prepared for all outcomes.”

“Well, don’t think so much!” Roman said.

“Roman, I’m Logic, I’m-”

“Oh my god, we are literally about to have the same conversation again,” Virgil said with an eyeroll. “I think we all understand at this point that you’re Logic and you don’t know how to understand the things you feel, we get that part. We also all know that you have no clue what to do, and that Princey over here is ready to get you an engagement ring. So, now here’s a thought, instead of making up ideas that you would never do in the first place, like writing a fucking poem, you take my bullshit advice and just be yourself.”

“But don’t you think that a grand romantic gesture would be nice?” Roman raised an eyebrow.

“Sure, if it was you,” Virgil said. “But it’s not. And this is Patton we’re talking about, you both realize that, right? Patton would probably explode with happiness at anything Logan does.”

Logan opened his mouth to disagree, but then realized that Virgil was most likely right. Out of all of them, Virgil hung around with Patton the most, and would therefore know best what he liked and did not.

Logan sighed and leaned his head back, staring out of his skylight into the sky above him. “Virgil, I cannot believe that you’re the one who figured out a sound and reasonable plan.”

“What can I say,” Virgil said. “I can be surprising.”

Logan quickly found that “being himself” was, in his opinion, an awful idea. “Being himself” was vague; it had no real base. What if who Logan was was not someone Patton enjoyed?

(Yes, Logan realized how illogical the statement was. Patton rarely ever showed distaste with who Logan was, but Logan was, frankly, very stressed and not very objective.)

It also did not help that Logan was finally able to put a name to the things he felt upon seeing Patton. Now knowing that it was attraction and not just an unusual, sudden heightened anxiety, Logan became more aware of how nothing made sense.

He could finally admit, at least to himself, that he was, perhaps, attracted to Patton. That much was undeniable; it would be illogical to try to. He felt a type of connection to Patton that drew him in and was different than what he felt towards the other sides. While he did, for the most part, enjoy the other sides’ presence, Patton was more enamoring to Logan.

So, a third of Logan’s problems were solved. He knew what he was feeling and came to accept it. Now it’s just figuring out what he was doing and how to prepare for things when they inevitably go wrong.

Not inevitably, Logan thought from where he currently was on the couch, correcting himself. He had long since stopped paying attention to the book in his hands and was, instead, staring at words while not reading them. While there are things that are inevitable, this is not one of them. My own anxieties have just tricked me into thinking that things will go catastrophically wrong because of how long I have worried about this.

He sighed to himself and finally closed the unread book. He tapped his fingers erratically on the hardcover, staring off into nothingness with his eyebrows furrowed in thought.

This should all be quite simple, he thought. Either Patton reciprocates what I feel, which would be the best outcome, or he does not. It should be an incomplex situation, a fifty-fifty split. Yet, it isn’t. There is a range of what could happen if Patton doesn’t reciprocate. He could distance himself to avoid further awkwardness. He could pity me. He could, rather uncharacteristically, laugh at my failure. There is also a range of what could happen if Patton does reciprocate. I have never dealt with these emotions before. What if I mess everything up? What if Patton is disheartened by my lack of experience? Patton is the heart, the emotions. He knows how to deal with attraction. I, however, do not know what I am doing. I don’t think that I would be good enough for him. I-

“You’ve been staring at that wall for a while.”

Logan’s body jolted and whipped his head to the side to face whoever interrupted him. Virgil stood in the doorway from living room to kitchen, an eyebrow raised at Logan.

“How long have you been standing there?” Logan asked, composing himself. He slowly, carefully, set the book down on the coffee table.

Virgil shrugged. “A while,” he said. “You looked pretty deep in thought.”

“I was,” Logan agreed. “And you interrupted me from it.”

“Because I had a feeling you were about to spiral down into some logic induced methodical break down,” Virgil said. “I’m supposed to be the anxious one here, not you.”

Logan sighed and flicked his hair, which had fallen, out of his eyes. “I thank you for your concern, Virgil, but I was just thinking.”

“About what?” Virgil approached the couch and sat down on the other side of it, leaning against the armrest.

“I think you know what,” Logan said quietly, looking cautiously around. While in his own room, he generally had enough privacy from the others unless he was experiencing heightened emotions. However, in the Commons, others could easily overhear what was going on if they so desired. The last thing Logan wanted was to voice his thoughts, let alone Patton intruding on them while doing so.

“Okay, I know it’s probably really hypocritical coming from me, but you don’t have to be so stressed,” Virgil said.

“You’re right, that was hypocritical coming from you,” Logan noted and Virgil rolled his eyes.

“I just don’t think you need to be so stressed out,” Virgil continued. “I mean, really use that logical brain of yours and think: what’s the worst that could happen?”

Logan narrowed his eyes at the anxious side. Those were words that Roman had thrown at him a couple days back and, then, both Virgil and Roman disputed them. “That’s a very sudden shift from what you thought a couple days ago,” he said suspiciously.

Virgil shrugged. “I just think that the actual worst that could happen isn’t that bad,” he said, picking at a loose thread on his hoodie. “I mean, it’s Patton.”

“It’s Patton what?”

Logan then decided that the most logical thing he could do would be to stay in his room forever.

“Oh, Virgil and I were just having a discussion,” Logan said, suddenly more interested in adjusting his tie and not in Patton, who was in front of the two of them. In an attempt to divert the conversation from anywhere but where it started, he continued with, “So, Patton, what brings you here?”

“Well I just saw that you both were here,” Patton said, taking a seat. “And Roman’s in his room brainstorming away and I didn’t want to disturb him, so I came to see what you two were doing!”

“I was just telling Virgil of a project that I’m working on. Really, I should be getting back to work soon. A lot is to be done,” Logan lied without much thought. He ignored the way that he could feel Virgil’s stare on him.

“Oh, Lo, you gotta make sure to give yourself a break,” Patton said with a frown. “It’s not good for you to constantly be overworking yourself.”

Logan sighed and stood. Despite not looking at him, Logan knew that Virgil’s eyes were still boring into him. “Perhaps,” he said. “But I had actually taken a break for once.” He tapped the hardcover of the book on the coffee table before picking it up.

“Are you sure?” Patton asked, his eyes following Logan’s every move. Logan suddenly felt like his movements were more robotic and willed himself to keep his composure as he gathered his things. “I was thinking of putting on a movie,” Patton continued. “You could rest for a little while longer?”

“I thank you, Patton, but I really must get back to work,” Logan said. “Of course, I will make an attempt to join you the next time.”

Patton nodded at that and gave Logan a smile. “You know you’re always welcome,” he said. “And that we’ll be down here for whenever you need another break!”

“I’ll try to make it down here once in a while, considering that a break is the best for an optimal performance,” he said before sinking down into his own room.

The lie felt heavy and bitter in his mouth and, now, Logan couldn’t quite tell if it was better than expressing what he felt.

When Logan returned to his room, he tossed the book onto the foot of his bed with a sigh before sitting against his headrest. He stared up out of his skylight and into the sky bursting blues, dusted with oranges and pinks.

Subjectively, that went terribly.

Objectively, it still went terribly.

Logan decided that he had most definitely did everything wrong, and that while he was still bursting with feelings that he did not understand, he doubted that anything he did made Patton feel something. If anything, Virgil was currently cringing at Logan’s inelegant display, and he feared that he hurt Patton by disappearing so quickly.

He did not know how long he sat there, staring up at the sky slowly changing from the blue of the afternoon to the orange and red hues of dusk. The colors stood stark in contrast against the blues, blacks, and greys of his room, and he was so enthralled with losing himself in the change that his heart actually jumped when there was a knock on his door.

“Logan, it’s me,” Patton said from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

Logan hesitated, staring at the door and knowing Patton was on the other side. Patton, after Logan’s display, still came to see him. Even after he rushed out, talking about a project that didn’t exist, Patton still showed up to Logan’s door.

No wonder Logan felt this way.

“Come in,” Logan finally said.

Patton slowly opened the door and stepped inside Logan’s room. He gave Logan a gentle smile.

“I came to see if you were doing alright,” Patton said, quietly shutting the door behind him. “Virgil said that you were really stressed.”

Logan nodded. “Yes, stressed about that project.” He hoped his voice carried enough confidence to make it seem like the discarded book on the foot of his bed was enough to call a project.

“About something that’s actually happening and bothering you,” Patton corrected, his voice soft. Logan felt his cheeks flush at being called out for his lie and he pulled his knees up to his chest.

“I… apologize for the dishonesty, Patton,” Logan said quietly, looking anywhere but at his companion.

“It’s okay, Logan,” Patton smiled at him. He moved the book aside and sat cross-legged in front of Logan. “I’m just,” Patton then sighed and his smile melted away into a frown. “I’m just worried about you, Lo. You’ve seemed really tense lately, and I need you to know that I care about you. You know you can talk to me if something’s bothering you.”

When Logan finally looked to Patton, his words caught in his throat. He opened his mouth only to close it and, instead, push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. His hair fell down into his eyes and, before he could do anything, Patton reached forward and gently combed it out of the way.

The soft touch set every nerve in Logan alive and he sprung up from the bed so ungracefully that he stumbled backwards upon his feet hitting the ground. He felt something sharp and painful spike through his chest at seeing how hurt Patton looked, but any words he wanted to say got lost on their journey from his brain to his mouth.

“I-I’m sorry, Logan,” Patton stammered, his expression desperately concerned. “I didn’t mean to offend you-”

“No,” Logan said perhaps too loudly. He cleared his throat in hopes of calming himself down. “I’m fine, Patton. You’re fine, Patton. I have just been slightly stressed, as sometimes happens. A bit overwhelmed, but I’m fine. It is all things that I can work through as time progresses and then the stress will not be so consuming. I’m fine.”

“Say I’m fine one more time and I might believe you,” Patton said quietly.

“I…” Logan trailed off and ran a hand through his hair. His eyes wandered around his room for something logical, something that would tell him what to do. However, his whiteboards were blank and the setting sun up above him had yet to release the stars for Logan to consult. When his gaze finally fell back upon Patton, he realized that Roman had been right. There’s nothing logical about attraction. Nothing methodical and nothing to be calculated. It was unscientific chemistry and the first time Logan couldn’t make an analytical, foolproof plan. It was all about who the people involved were, and in this case, it was Patton and Logan. It was undeniably illogical, but it would be just the same if Logan refused to say anything.

“I find myself rather attracted to you, Patton,” Logan finally began. “I know that it makes no sense, considering that I am Logic and, therefore, supposed to be the one who doesn’t quite… do emotions. I really do not understand how this works. I believe it’s quite obvious that I’ve never felt anything like his before. But, Patton, you’re different. Typically I am not a fan of change or letting things run off the desired course but… this, I don’t mind. I only ask that, if you don’t reciprocate, you say so now so that proper amends could be made.”

Patton gaped at him and Logan immediately felt the gravity of his mistake. He opened his mouth to continue speaking, to ramble out a messy apology before confining himself to his room because Thomas could do videos without him physically present, Logic isn’t a feeling it’s the physical representation-

His train of thought screeched to a halt when Patton stood and slowly approached Logan. As Patton grew closer, Logan could see the light dusting of a blush on his cheeks and how his eyes practically sparkled under the light from the skylight.

“I can see the gears turning in your head,” Patton said with a light laugh. They were close enough where Patton was whispering, yet Logan had no trouble hearing him.

“It’s what I do,” Logan said, his own voice barely filling his room.

“You do more than that, though,” Patton said. “You can do more than that. You always deny yourself feelings but… you feel Logan, I know you do. Sure, it may not be like the rest of us, but that doesn’t make it any less real. You’ve told yourself for so long that you can’t feel things, but that’s only hurting you further, Lo. You don’t have to hold yourself back, or think that feeling things is stupid or wrong. Take it from me, I mean, bottling up your feelings never leads to good things. You can show emotions around us, Lo, and still be our brainiac!”

Logan shook his head in disbelief, staring at Patton. “I don’t think anyone else sees me like you do.”

Patton beamed. “I just care about you a lot, Logan,” he said. He then offered his hands to Logan and Logan, with minimal hesitation, took them. “But you know that we all care about you, and we all want you to take care of yourself and not be afraid to feel things.” Logan nodded along with Patton’s words and Patton’s smile, somehow, shone brighter and he gently squeezed Logan’s hands. “And yes, I do.”

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “You do what?”

“Reciprocate.”

Logan blinked at Patton and Patton just stared back. “Oh,” was all Logan could manage out.

Patton leaned his head back with a laugh. “After that whole heartfelt speech you gave, all you can say is oh.” Logan sputtered and felt his face flush, but Patton only continued to laugh and Logan realized that Patton was blushing, too. “Adorable.”

Patton then took one of his hands away from Logan’s and cupped Logan’s cheek. “Can I?” he asked, his voice suddenly soft. Logan, his own voice trapped in his throat and his heart pounding against his ribs, nodded.

Patton smiled before bringing Logan towards him, pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss. Patton’s other hand cupped Logan’s other cheek, both of his hands now carefully framing Logan’s jaw. Logan, after only a moment’s hesitation, lightly latched onto Patton’s shirt, keeping the other close.

When the pair pulled away, Patton rested his forehead on Logan’s.

“Not so scary, right?” Patton asked.

Logan shook his head. “Not at all,” he admitted.

“I know this all is new to you,” Patton continued. “We don’t have to rush any of this. It can all be at your pace.”

Logan let out a small breath of relief and a smile formed. “I appreciate that, Patton. Quite a lot.”

Patton beamed and grabbed Logan’s hands again, squeezing them tightly. “I have to say though, Logan,” he said. “I’ve had a bit of a crush on you for a while. I kinda kept it to myself because I didn’t really want to pressure you? But now things are working out! It’s funny, though, I actually talked to Virgil about this a couple days ago and he was very encouraging. I guess even he had a good sense of intuition for this!”

Logan suddenly, very clearly, understood why Virgil’s plan had suddenly shifted from “everything can go wrong” to “what can go wrong?” and he made a mental note to have some strong words with Virgil.

“Coincidentally enough, I had a very similar experience,” Logan laughed instead. Confronting Virgil about the fact that he could have saved Logan from his own anxieties would just have to be postponed until another day.

Logan had something, someone, much more occupying on his mind.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logicality #logan sanders #patton sanders #stuff i write

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vechkinfan · 6 years

Text

End Of Me (Bucky Barnes)

A/N: This is my first fic in quite awhile so please bare with me while I try to grasp my writing abilities again haha. If you guys would be interested in a second part let me know!

Words: 4k+ cause I have a problem with keeping things short AF

Warnings: Angst, sadness, Bucky being adorable, Smut later on????

Summary: To know that you’ll never be good enough is a tough pill to swallow, but even tougher when your best friend so easily replaces you. That’s where Calin finds herself, stuck between letting Bucky Barnes go willingly or finally sucking it up and telling him how she really feels. (SORRY I really suck at summaries)

Part 2

Calin stared blankly down into the bowl of oatmeal in front of her, swirling the metallic spoon through the brown mush that she hadn’t touched since she cooked it. It had been three hours since she had made her way into the kitchen, getting ready for her usual dinner night with Bucky. It had become a tradition shortly after moving in to Stark tower.

A tradition that involved just the two of them on most occasions, but also Steve and Natasha when they weren’t busy. The four of them getting along the best. However, tonight was suppose to be a just the two of you kind of night. Where they could have easily burnt the kitchen down making whatever the hell they wanted. While Vision made snide comments from the living room and warning Tony about a potential fire hazard asking if his insurance cards were up to date.

By hour one Calin presumed that he had lost track of time. Bucky had a concerning lack of an internal clock now, and would get distracted by almost anything that caught his attention. She always laughed at how surprised he seemed by the advances that happened since he became the winter soldier. By hour two, she figured Steve might have kept him late for training. Knowing that there was a mission coming up and all the practice was necessary for people to come back alive. However, by hour three she had come to the conclusion Bucky had forgotten. Calin supposed it wasn’t that surprising, this had been the fifth time in three weeks that he had missed their scheduled dinner.

Shoving the bowl away from herself, she sighed heavily. She knew deep down that Bucky would grow bored of their friendship. He had used her to pull himself out of the depths of darkness, and now that he was on the path to recovery it was time to move on. It was only a matter of time before she was traded in, dropped for the shinier upgraded version, one that had all the bells and whistles. Calin had hoped it would have been further down the road, where she could have pulled the ripcord before he made any decisions. But like most things in her life, that plan seem to explode in her face.

“Where’s Buck?” A calm voice brought her out of her thoughts, causing Calin to glance up.

Steve was standing by the sink, grabbing a glass of water. His tight fitting grey shirt dotted with large patches of sweat. Clearly he had just come from training, and since he had no idea where his best friend was she knew her earlier thoughts must have held true.

Shrugging her shoulders she answer him, “Don’t know, thought he was with you.” The words come out a bit harsh, which caused Steve to lift a brow in her direction. It wasn’t uncommon for Calin to get agitated, it was just a rare moment for her to unleash it on a undeserving bystander.

“He left early kid, said he had a dinner date.” Walking across the obscenely shiny floor, that Tony just had waxed again, Cap found a seat beside her in the breakfast nook. His large, muscled body sliding gracefully over until his shoulder rested against her own.

Steve knew Bucky had been up to something, the way his eyes averted his own when he had asked about his plans. He just never figured Bucky would have left her all alone. Calin was one of his closest friends besides himself. It may not have been like that initially, but the two of them were nearly inseparable now. Where she was, Buck was close behind.

“Not with me.” Again she sighed, her eyes staring longingly at the kitchen door that was propped open. Wondering if he would ever make an appearance or if he’d leave her all night. “Did I do something?” She finally asked defeatedly, still not diverting her gaze away from the doorway. Hoping….

Steve didn’t know what to say to that, he was just as baffled by his buddies behavior the past few weeks. Especially knowing this wasn’t a one time occurance. It was uncharacteristic of him to even forget a meeting, let alone time with Calin.

“No, Bucks probably just in a funk. Give him some time.” Steve finally settled on a path, hoping Bucky would turn it around soon. Maybe voice his problems instead of letting them fester.

“You’re right, I’m just overthinking.” She turned her head to give the Cap a genuine smile. “If you see him, let him know…. You know what forget it.” Sliding out from the table, she grabbed her bowl throwing it in the sink quickly before exiting the room. “By the way I baked you some of those scones you like, I hid them on the bottom shelf in the pantry so Clint can’t find them.” She vaguely pointed to the doors just as she rounded the corner, knowing Steve loved anything she tried baking. But he especially fell in love with the chocolate scones she seemed to have mastered.

“You’re the best!” Calin heard him call after her as her boot clad feet carried her down the long hallway heading towards her room.

From here she could hear Thor and Bruce watching a soccer game on the television. Both getting a bit to aggressive over who was actually winning. Which had her shaking her head,Thor had never watched a game in his entire life but his pride was to big to say otherwise, and of course pretending to understand what was happening was easier than asking Bruce to explain it.

Natasha and Clint were walking down the opposite hall, heading towards the training rooms. Both holding a pair of sheathed knives, twirling them at such a speed she definitely would have stabbed herself and anyone else that happened to be in close proximity at that point. Calin was definitely not the most graceful of the group, but she managed just fine. Even if it didn’t involve her powers, which she had refused to use since Tony brought her to Stark tower.

No one quite knew what she could actually do, besides the few parlor tricks she amused them with, and frankly it was best that way. Not unlike Dr. Banner, she too could lose control. The only difference was she didn’t turn into the jolly green giant at the end. No, she turned into something much scarier, much more dangerous and something so hard to control that even Calin couldn’t stop it once it had started. There was no calming technique that she learned or a big red fucking button that cut the power. Once it was on it was on until she could claw her way back into control. There of course had been rumors at first, wondering if she truly was “gifted”, which she scoffed loudly at. She would have gladly told them it was more like a fucking curse than a gift.

She wasn’t born with her powers, no, she had been chosen by HYDRA when she was just a kid. Her parents had gotten paid a large sum of money to allow it to happen, so they turned the other way when they hand picked her to be a lab rat, experiment on, injected and cut open. Until one day they ended up with a girl who was so emerised in rage that her powers were no longer controllable. The outcome of that day scared Calin, her mind reliving it on repeat almost every night. The looks…. the blood that soaked her clothes, the metallic smell lingering in the air, the sudden deafening silence they settled across the HYDRA base It all scared her, that’s why she silently vowed never to let the power to take control of her again.

That was until she had been out on a mission, it was typical nothing out of the ordinary. Until the small group of HYDRA agents blew up the supporting walls of a skyscraper in Dubai. Steve, Natasha, Bucky, Sam and herself were in the direct path. There was nothing to be done and in seconds everyone would have been crushed to death. No amount of running or flying would have gotten any of them to safety quick enough. As they braced for impacted, she gritted her teeth using every ounce of energy in her to channel it towards the building without waking the beast within.

It was a blur after that, as black smoke billowed out if her palms and up into the air, wrapping like spindles around the falling building. Bucky had been the first one to look up, especially when the falling debris had stopped. Her eyes had locked with his as she all but screamed out in agony, the weight of the building pulling at every muscle, every tendon in her body.

In a flash he had been over to her, throwing his gun to the ground so his hands could come up to support her own. Whispering words of encouragement and playfulness demanding she not crush them because you guys hadn’t even finished the third Jurassic park and how was he suppose to watch it without her commentary. Calin had to fight back the small laugh that he brought her,extremely grateful for his distraction. It cleared her mind just enough to push the building back up, leaning it against itself so no one was to badly hurt. The last thing she needed was another bad press conference and dozens of dead civilians.

That had been the first and only time she had used a large portion of her powers and it wasn’t even the full blown event either. It was merely the tip of the iceberg. But of course there were questions, demanding questions brought upon her afterwards. Nick Fury both intrigued and infuriated that somehow she blatantly failed to tell him how powerful she truly was. Practically threatening her existence as an Avenger if she didn’t show what she could do in front of the council. Calin had put her foot down though, sticking to what she knew. No good would come from it, not one fucking thing. And it pissed her off that he fucking acted like he owned her, like she was some circus act that he could call upon to make dance at his convenience. Newsflash no one would ever own her. And if it came down to that, than it wouldn’t be very fun for them. It definitely wasn’t a fun time for those HYDRA agents who had tried the same thing years before.

Shaking her head, she cleared her thoughts as she found herself at her bedroom door. Pushing it open she walked in, kicking her boots off one at a time into the corner where her laundry basket sat, filled to the brim with dirty clothes. It had been a few weeks since she washed any, and her lack of clean wardrobe was showing. Given the fact she was in a pair of black mesh gym shorts and a old ratty looking hoodie she had stole from Steve awhile back.

Bypassing the bed, she sunk to the floor beside it instead. The mattress so soft that it felt like she was slowly being sucked into quicksand, that uncomfortable smothering sensation consuming her to the point where sleep would never come.

Curling up into the mound of blankets she took a deep breath. Her eyes landing on a photo of Bucky and her on the bottom shelf of the night stand. Reaching out she grabbed the frame, panning over it with interest. It had been taken a year ago at Tony’s surprise party. They both had those stupid oversized party hat’s on which made them look ridiculous. His metal arm was wrapped around her waist pulling her in for the picture. It had been the only photo that she had gotten her hands on of Bucky actually smiling, a true, heart melting smile.

The two of them looked so different though, a stark contrast between one another. Calin was average looking at best. Certainly nowhere near the same realm as Natasha or even Wanda for that matter. While Bucky was something pulled out of a GQ magazine, even when his hair was disheveled and he hadn’t shaved in weeks. Basically, pure sex God as people on the internet had collectively decided. This she happily showed him, hoping he would get a good laugh from it. But what she got was a devilish glint in his piercing eyes and a small blush spreading across his cheeks. It had happened so quickly that if she hadn’t seen it for herself, she would have never believed it. He was the tough winter soldier, but Bucky Barnes was ever the gentleman, even after everything that happened to him.

A sudden knock at her door, had her placing the photo back down on the nightstand. Quickly making herself comfortable, hiding her face in the blanket, trying to make it appear she had fallen asleep. Calin was in no mood to talk, or discuss plans of any kind, she just wanted to be alone. Afterall Bucky left her alone so why not just carry that right on through till tomorrow.

When she didn’t respond, the door clicked open. The hinge creaking ever so softly as it was pushed on. Who ever it was clearly didn’t take the hint and was making their way closer. Their boots almost silently carrying them across the hardwood floor. She inwardly grimaced knowing exactly who it was, the bed creaking from up above her giving them away. Only one person ever invited themselves into her quarters, and that same person was the one always laying on the bed when she found it to be a useless piece of furniture. Something not even worthy to be considered an ottoman.

She squeezed her eyes closed, and trying her best to slow her heart rate. Bucky had excellent hearing given the fact he was a super soldier, and it wouldn’t be hard for him to tell if she was truly asleep.

The both of them remained quiet, unsure of whether or not he was buying her charade. If he didn’t, he was playing along. Soon the familiar weight of his metal fingers smoothed gently across her back. Even through the sweatshirt she knew it wasn’t his human hand. He never touched her with anything but his metal appendage. His fingers deftly making intricate patterns on the fabric of her shirt, just like he always did when they spent time together.

“I know you’re awake, Doll.” Bucky finally broke the silence. He had known she was awake the moment he had stepped into the room but had decided to play along with the little act. Knowing her brooding had been caused by himself and his actions.

Bucky found himself stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment, one that had his mind torn on what to actually do. He had been distant to her lately, pulling away to the point where he was purposefully skipping their scheduled time together. With the regimented agenda that Steve had him on, that tended to only be once or twice a week. And Bucky had skipped out on the last five or so, managing to avoid Calin with the utmost care. Making sure he was out of the tower or hidden in his room well before she would build up the nerve to look for him. However it surprised him that she never actually looked, she let him hide and forget their time together like it had been nothing.That was Calin though, she never pushed or poked him for answers, if he didn’t feel like talking then they would sit in a comfortable silence. So he supposed it shouldn’t have been that shocking the girl never came looking for him after all.

“No I’m not, and don’t call me that.“ Calin finally answered, her words trying to be like sandpaper pulling down his cheek, harsh and painful. She was silently hoping he’d take the hint and go but it didn’t seem to work.

Bucky had to bite his tongue at her comeback though, it was classic Calin as he knew her, always the smart ass. However his nickname was a sure fire way to get her to respond no matter the mood she was in. She had adimmently protested it, glaring at him with such hatred each time it fell from his lips, telling Bucky she was nowhere close to a doll. It amused him, dames from his time had always crumbled at the pet name, but Calin wasn’t as easily swayed. Then again he had never met someone quite like her back when he was younger.

Ignoring her bitter tone, he continued to gently soothe her back, tracing his name aimlessly into the dark red fabric unbenounced to her. It was something he had found calming, the simple gesture such an intimate act that he only felt comfortable doing with her. The mere thought of that had him stopping, pulling his hand away as if it scalded him. He couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t just touch her, it would give mixed signals, confusing the situation even more than it already was. He was here for a reason.

“Can we talk? Please?” His words came out more pleading than he wished. But this was important, Bucky had to do this now or he would never find the strength in himself to say it. He had managed to muster enough courage over the past week, or as Sam so politely put, Bucky finally found his balls.

Silently groaning Calin shifted, sitting up from the cozy spot on the ground. Turning around to face him, her eyes landing on his face with the utmost care. Searching for any signs, anything to tell her what he was actually here for. As usual, Bucky’s emotions were hid extremely well, even from her.

“You missed dinner.” She broke the silence first, a bitterness in her words that almost made her mouth cringe. There was no right for her to be this mad at him, they were just friends and if Bucky wanted to stay away that was his prerogative.

Casting his eyes towards the floor, his long chestnut hair fell around his face. “I know, and I’m sorry.” His voice sounded pained, which had Calin sobering up real quick. Her anger and rage at him completely dissipating like it never even existed. That was one quality she hated about Bucky, one carefully crafted sentence and she was like putty in his hands. Willing to jump through fiery rings of death if that is what he wished for.

Calin carefully watched the soldier as he laid there quietly, his eyes staring intently at the floor as if he was searching for an answer hidden in the wood grain. So when he finally turned over and sat up, her eyes followed his movements. His large metal hand coming up and patting the black bedding beside himself, beckoning her to sit with him. She didn’t hesitate, lifting herself from the floor and sitting down beside her friend.

Well friend being a loose term for her feelings for Buck. He was always so kind and sweet, and she had fallen head first in what Steve explained was the James Buchanan Barnes charm. It had been unintentional, she had solidly put her foot down commanding herself to not fall for him just because he was being nice. Calin had a problem with that, any guy who paid the slightest bit of positive attention to her had her instantly falling for them. Even if she knew the likelihood of that happening was slim…. well more like nonexistent. Calin knew that there was a higher probability of seeing fucking God at the moment than Bucky seeing her in any other light then a good friend. But it didn’t stop the twang of hurt that shot through her heart seeing him so distraught.

“I just can’t do this anymore.” He all but mumbled, which had Calin furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

“Do what Buck?” She cautiously asked, not certain about even wanting the answer to that. Bucky was so tense at the moment, his muscles locked tight as he twisted his hands together over and over again. A gesture that she had come to know as his way of releasing his nerves.

Reaching out she gently tried to take his hands, trying to ease his mind. He moved though, just as her hand was about to touch him, pulling just out of reach. The act causing Calin to sink back in embarrassment, he had never recoiled at her touch before. A new harsh wave of hurt crashing into her, one that started in her chest and cascaded down to the rest of her body.

“This.” He finally gazed up, his steely blue eyes finding her own as he gestured between the two of them. “I can’t keep avoiding and lying to you. You mean to much to me, for that.” Calin was barely even registering his words at the moment, knowing that there was most likely a “but” coming. “But… I’ve found someone, and I want to spend time with them. With missions and training lately, there’s just not enough time for everything. And I don’t want to be that guy who promises to be somewhere and doesn’t show up.”

“Oh….” Her eyes diverted away from him, swallowing thickly as she tried not to burst into tears. Calin didn’t cry and she wouldn’t cry, not in front of him. “If that’s what you want.” She didn’t even fight what was happening currently, knowing she would always be on the losing side of this battle. A battle that in her head was going to happen at any moment, after all she was on borrowed time with him, and she guessed her time just ran out.

“We can just take a break you know, catch up when we do missions together. Maybe train like we used to. ” Bucky nudged her shoulder, but she didn’t look in his direction.

“Sure.” It was simply put, and Calin didn’t feel like explaining to him why her voice was off.

Bucky regretted everything that had just spewed from his mouth. Another lie, a huge lie to the girl sitting beside him who at the moment looked like she was about ready to crack. His eyes had been watching her carefully, watching as the once bright light in her hazel eyes slowly dimmed until it all but burnt out completely. Her head turning just to the right angle where her features became hidden. Not allowing him to he see any emotion. To Calin emotion was a weakness, a chink in the physical armour. She could break twenty bones and refuse to shed a single tear, worried it would change the way people looked at her. So as she sat deadly still, her breathing very controlled as if she was aware of everything at the moment, Bucky knew she was trying to gain control.

There was no other girl though, there would never be anyone else. No one would put up with his punk ass, with all his faults and flaws, with the nights he woke up several times screaming from his vivid nightmares. Calin did though, the girl had made a broken man not so broken. She had been there through it all, her room being beside Bucky’s, many nights she had probably woken in a panic hearing him scream. But every time she’d make her way to him, sitting down beside him on the bed just long enough until he’d fall back asleep.

He didn’t deserve her plain and simple. And the recent dreams he had been suffering from only instilled that notion. They had plagued him for weeks, causing him to pull away from her, worried they would somehow come true. That he would revert back to the winter soldier and kill her with his bare hands. Strangling the very last breath from her body. The mere thought had Bucky’s heart aching, he refused to have her blood on his hands, he had too much innocent blood there as it was. So the only logical thing to do was pull away with the biggest lie he could come up with. Tell her he found someone, make her believe because if he asked her for anything she would jump through hoops to do it. If he asked for time apart, she would go along with it, no questions asked.

“Hey… look at me.” Bucky finally said, using his metal fingers to tilt her chin up towards him. The feel of her burning hot skin against his cold metal hand such a stark contrast, that it actually let him truly feel her. It was something he hadn’t been able to do with his left arm in years. It was like a numb, lifeless extension of himself until he met her, and he took every opportunity to sooth her back or grab her hand just to see if the sensation wasn’t just a cruel trick “You’re still my number one girl, you got that.” His thumb gently traced small circles on her cheek.

Calin didn’t want to hear it though, she didn’t want to hear any of the things he had to say. Because she knew it would only lead her down a path of pain. It was just like Bucky to weave some perfect sentence, making her feel like she was the most important thing in his life, when in reality he had just asked her to leave him alone.

“Sure.” She plainly put once more, pulling away from his hand. Not wanting his touch anymore. “You know what I’m kinda tired, so I’m just gonna go to bed.”

Getting to her feet, she made her way back to her blanket on the ground. Sinking down so her back was to Bucky, her eyes going blurry as she fought with every ounce of energy to keep the tears at bay. To keep the anger coursing through her veins down because she didn’t feel like turning around and punching him in the jaw yet. Again she had no right, he wasn’t hers.

“I-I can stay…” He started, his resolve completely deteriorating by the second. But he grimaced when she opened the door to her room with a slight flick of her fingers.

Calin didn’t use her full powers, but she used the basics especially when her emotions were getting the best of her. Opening doors, flickering lights nothing that was that spectacular. As Tony classified it, she was a living version of a poltergeist.

“I think your new girl wouldn’t appreciate that very much.” Turning to look at him, she gave Bucky a small smile, it may have been fake and forced but it was a smile.

They stared at one another for a few seconds in a uncomfortable silence. The first time in their friendship where it was a skin crawling moment of awkwardness.

Bucky finally moved, getting to his feet shoving his hands in his jean pockets. There was nothing to say, nothing to fix what he had just done. So he hoped that it was the right thing to do, that breaking her heart was what needed to happen to keep her safe.

“I love you Calin, remember that.” Bucky quietly said as he turned and made his way out of her room.

Once she heard his footsteps disappear down the hall, she let out a single sob. Her heart shattering into pieces she had no interest in picking up. Bucky was her best friend, and in an instant he threw it all away.

That was the exact moment she realized he would be the end of her.

Tags: @this-kitty-has-claws

#bucky barnes #bucky x oc #drabble #bucky barnes fanfiction #avengers #captain america #steve rogers #bucky x plus size reader #angst #my loves

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bazypitchandsimonsnow · 6 years

Text

The Proposal Plot

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 5146

Summary: Baz is planning to propose to his incredible idiot boyfriend. Hopefully his plot goes off without a hitch. Based on "a confession" request.

Read on AO3

AN: So I know I'm churning these requests out now, but that won't be forever because in June I start working full time. I hope to get through these requests before then but no promises. Just wanted to warn you guys so you won't be freaked by a sudden lack of my fics lol. Anyways, enjoy!

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Baz

Okay, Baz, just breathe, don’t be nervous. You’ve planned everything out. This isn’t even a big deal. You and Snow have been together for seven years now. You two have already decided how you want to spend your lives together. Marriage won’t be that different. It’ll be like normal, just including a ring and a new title for each other. Well, plus a wedding. And first I have to actually propose...

I’ve planned literally everything. Every detail is accounted for. Simon will be home in approximately six minutes. I let him know we’re having a nice dinner tonight this morning. The steak is already cooked, the roast potatoes and greens have just finished, and the scones are keeping warm in the oven. I found the perfect plate for my idea too. It’s a white ceramic platter that Daphne gave us as a house warming present when we moved in. There’s a little circular indent in the centre, which is odd for any usual use, but perfect for hiding an engagement ring under a pile of scones.

It’s a dumb idea. A dumb, romantic, sappy idea that Simon will adore. I’ve learned over the years that he loves romantic gestures big or small. I took him to the London Eye for our first anniversary and he couldn’t stop grinning the entire time. But he looks the same way every time I put on his favourite shitty pop song while we do dishes. So he’ll love this...right? He could hate it. What if he thinks it’s a dumb idea? What if he laughs in my face? What if-

I’m jolted out of my thoughts by the phone ringing. The caller ID says “Best Aunt In The World”. (Fiona stole my phone a few months ago, and I haven’t gotten around to changing it.) Against my better judgement, I press the green phone button.

“What is it? You know I’m busy tonight,” I snap.

“I sensed a disturbance in the Force,” Fiona replies. I can hear the smirk in her voice.

“You’re a witch, not a Jedi.”

“Okay, true, but I know you. And you’re currently overthinking, aren’t you?”

I drum my fingers slowly on the counter, answering slowly. “No.”

“Liar” she hisses. “Stop freaking out and relax. It’ll go great.”

“You said my idea was dumb.”

“Yeah, but I said it with a smile.”

“And that’s better because...?”

“Because, it’s a dumb, sweet, romantic idea. You love the Chosen One enough to act like a sappy idiot. That’s wonderful, so I’m happy for you and want you to go through with it.”

I smile slightly. “Thank you, Aunt Fiona.”

“Now, stop panicking and have fun, love. Oh, and don’t let any numpties ruin it!”

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, will shut up abou-” The phone clicks off. I can’t believe she still says that to me. It’s been literal years since I was kidnapped but she won’t ever let me forget it.

I sigh and hang my head down. Despite her words of encouragement, I’m still nervous. Even though I’m pretty sure Simon will say yes, I don’t want to fuck this up. Snow is a hopeless romantic who I love dearly. He deserves a stupid, sappy proposal. And I desperately want to be the one to give it to him.

The door slams shut and I nearly jump. There’s a low groan from the entrance way that I know has to be my lovely graceless boyfriend’s.

“Oh my god, work was a nightmare today!” He shouts. “Do you know how many children insisted on having their noses wiped? Are they not capable of doing it themselves?”

“No, they’re not, Snow. They’re two,” I reply while walking towards our front hall.

“Well, they could learn!”

“You could teach them.”

“Yeah, like I have the time. I’m a daycare worker, I’ve got 30 kids to look after.”

“Then don’t complain.”

I stop at the end of the hall and lean on the wall. Simon is struggling with his sneaker, hopping on one foot while nearly falling over with the weight of his bookbag. There’s finger paint all over his face and snacktime stains on his shirt. He looks like an idiot who just survived a toddler hurricane.

Crowley, I love him.

He finally wins his battle with his sneaker, then looks up at him with a soft smile. We walk towards each other like always. His arms wrap around my neck, I hold his waist, and kisses me. It’s just a little firmer than a peck. And even after all these years it still makes my pulse stutter.

We pull apart and he looks over my shoulder. “Wow,” he says, “when you said nice dinner, I didn’t think you meant this nice.”

Truthfully, it’s not that nice. Growing up as part of a rich British family means I’ve been to much nicer. But I didn’t want to go overboard and give away what I was doing. In hindsight though, it’s pretty nice for us. There’s placemats, properly folded napkins, nice china, low lighting. I thought about using candles, but that seemed a bit excessive. So I went with some nice warm lamps instead of our bright LED overheads.

“I decided we deserve a nice meal every once in awhile,” I say thankfully without a nervous voice crack. “Normal people prefer china plates to plastic, y’know.”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes, a very Bunce-like gesture. “Sure, Mr. Fancy Pants. And speaking of pants, I should go change out of these child destroyed clothes. I feel so messy compared to you.”

I chuckle. I’m not that dressed up, wearing a loose white shirt and and jeans, but it’s more than a sweatshirt and trackies. (Which I’ve learned more are relaxing to wear around the house than jeans.) I did pick these on purpose though. Like Hell if I’m proposing to the love of my life in lazy clothes.

“Go get changed love,” I say, pressing a peck to his cheek. “I’ll get supper ready.”

Simon kisses my cheek as well, then saunters off to our bedroom. I walk to the kitchen. Everything is still warm, it won’t take long to set up. So I take a minute to open the everything drawer. It’s where we put whatever doesn’t have a place, and right now it’s home to a little red velvet box. I run my fingers over the fuzzy surface, then quietly open the snap hinge. It’s not a flashy ring because Simon isn’t a flashy person. And that’s not a slight against him, it’s just who he is, and I know that. It’s something that he’d like to wear, a simple gold band with circles carved around the surface. I had the inside engraved as well. Niall faked gagged when I proposed the idea while we were ring shopping. He called me tooth rotting sweet. I hope Simon thinks so too.

I shake out of my thoughts and snapped the box closed. No, I can’t dwell on that. The time will come. Instead, I focus on making dinner. I arrange the plates in a showy manner I remember seeing from my childhood. I check on the scones, which are still warm in the oven. I’ll leave them alone until they’re big debut.

Just as am I placing down the plates, Simon walks out. Surprisingly, he’s not wearing his typical loose t-shirt and track pants, but a clean green button down and denim. It’s some of his nicer clothes. Guess he wanted to dress up along with me.

“Dinner is served,” I say overdramatically. He laughs, and it makes me smile.

We sit opposite each other at our small table as usual and dig in. He doesn’t eat as quickly anymore, since he feels more assured that his meals won’t vanish or be his last now. I don’t cover my mouth when I eat anymore either, because I’m no longer afraid of him seeing my fangs. We discuss all the usual things. How work was, funny things we saw, which coworkers we want to stuff down a toilet. All filled with laughter and smiles. It’s so normal. And miraculously, it’s our lives. Our normal, happy life together.

“Oh man,” Simon groans happily, holding his stomach, “that was incredible.”

“Glad to hear it,” I say as I clear the plates. “Hope you have room for dessert.”

He perks up very quickly at the word ‘dessert’. “I love you so much.”

“Of course you do. The way to your heart is through your stomach.”

He stick his tongue out, but he’s still grinning. I smile back just as I enter the kitchen. Once the plates are dumped in the sink, I take the scones out of the oven. They smell delicious. I must remember to send Cook Pritchard a massive bouquet in thanks for her recipe. I take out the platter, and then I take out the ring. I can’t help but simply look at it. I want to spend the rest of my life with Simon no matter what, and I already know he feels the same. But I want to get this right. Because we never thought we’d get this far, and we deserve to have a stupidly romantic proposal.

I place the ring in the centre of the platter, then carefully arrange the pastries over and around it. It’s hard to hide it while making the scones look natural. Once I’m satisfied with appearance (mostly), I take a deep breath and re-enter the dining room. Simon’s looking at something in his lap. But when I clear my throat, his head snaps up. He looks deep in thought for a moment before sees the scones and smiles.

“Sour cherry scones?” He asks playfully.

“What else?” I reply as I carefully set the plate down on the table.

He immediately snatches the one on top, and I take the one below. I don’t even attempt to talk to him while he’s inhaling his scones. I look at him though. My stomach’s in knots, both from nerves and anticipation. I take one more and let him have the rest. Soon, there’s only one left, the one that’s covering the ring underneath. He finishes his latest scone. He’s going to reach for it. Crowley, this it. I take a deep breath, and...

He’s stopped. Why has he stopped?

“Uh,” I say, “do you not want the last one?”

“No you can have it,” Simon replies with a grin.

Oh Merlin and Morgana, it’s Watford all over again; Simon Snow messing up my plots. “No, no, I’m full. You can have it.” Eat the fucking scone, Snow.

“No it’s fine. I’m full too.”

We sit in silence and stare each other. It’s a true British politeness stalemate. After many minutes of uncomfortable moments, I lean forward, but so does he.

“Simon, I-

“Baz, I-”

We both say it at the same time, blinking at each other slowly for a minute. Simon is the one who breaks the silence this time.

“Oh you go first, sorry.”

I shake my head. “No, no, you go first. It can wait.” It really can’t, but I want Simon to be focused when I ask him.

Simon slowly nods. He takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders. Hm, whatever he wants to say seems to be causing him tension. That’s...odd.

“Okay, so,” he starts, obviously trying to keep his voice calm, “Baz, we’ve been together awhile.”

“I’m aware,” I reply with a smirk I can’t help. He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up, prick. So, we’ve been together for seven years now, and I gotta say I’ve been...really happy. Like, it hasn’t perfect of course, but overall it’s been pretty amazing. And you’re pretty amazing. The first few years after Watford I was a complete mess but you stuck by me. I will always appreciate that so fucking much. As well as everything else you’ve done. You make me really happy all the time.” He reaches across the table and puts his hand over mine. “I-I guess what I’m trying to say in too many stupid words is that, I love you, Baz. I really mean that.”

I squeeze his hand, loving the way it feels. But where is he going with this? “I love you too, Simon.”

He takes another deep breath. “What I’m also trying to say, is that I love our life. And you’re the love of my life. And I want to tell and show everyone. So...”

Oh...oh Crowley, is he doing what I think he’s doing?! He uses his other hand to reach down into his lap. As he slowly raises it back up, my heart beats faster and faster. And when he places his hand on the table, it stops entirely.

It’s a box. A black velvet ring box.

“I was going to save this for later,” he says sheepishly, “but this dinner was so good, and the moment felt right, so I’ve decided to just go for it. So, Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch,” he uses his strong fingers to open the box with one hand, “will you marry me?”

I’m speechless. It’s been years since I was this speechless. I’m pretty sure my mouth is hanging open wide enough to catch flies. I keep staring at the ring. It’s...gorgeous; a thick men’s band, mostly jet black with a line of silver in the middle. It’s sleek, elegant, and dark. Exactly something I’d love. I know that I know Simon well, but sometimes I forget just how well he knows me too.

I look back up at him, and he looks very nervous and very scared.

“If you don’t like the ring, w-we can get a new one,” he blurts out. “I just saw it at a shop near the daycare and it looked so perfect that I had to buy it. I’ve been agonizing over a way to ask you. I know this is sort of impulsive, but also not really. We already want to be together forever and I think marriage would be nice. But if you don’t want to I understand. I- I just thought... And you’re so-”

“Snow, stop,” I say softly. He lets out a long breath, staring at me with wide eyes. I smile as kindly as I can. “Just, eat the last scone, love.”

He frowns adorably. “What? This is more important than scones, Baz.”

The fact that Simon bloody Snow loves me more than sour cherry scones is absolutely incredible and deserves to be shouted to the rooftops. But this is more important.

“Simon,” I say slowly, “trust me, lift up the last scone.”

He’s still frowning, but shrugs and moves to the last scone. He lifts it up nonchalantly, and promptly drops it to the ground. Of course, sitting in the middle of the crumbs and sugar granulates is the golden ring. It’s Simon’s turn to gape, mouth comically wide. He looks from the ring, to me, back to the ring, and back to me.

“You,” he whispers, “you were...this is- This is an-”

“Engagement ring yes,” I chuckle. “It’s the reason for the nice dinner and pile of scones.”

“You were going to...”

“Propose? Yes, that was the plan. But it seems you beat me to the punch, darling.”

“Oh my god I’m sorry,” Simon groans, putting his head in his hands. “You had this lovely sweet plan and I ruined it. I’m such an idiot.”

“Snow, no, it’s absolutely fine.” I rush over to his side and kneel next to his chair. I pull his hands away from his face, clutching them tightly. “I’m not mad at all, understand? I’m very, very happy. Your proposal was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. And the ring is goddamn beautiful.” I hold his chin and look him right in the eyes. “The answer is yes, Simon, I will certainly marry you.”

He looks at me nervously for a moment, but I sigh with relief when he smiles. We both giggle and tap our foreheads together. This is incredible. Sure, it didn’t go as planned, but what in our relationship has? And godammit I’m so happy, and so is he. That’s what’s important.

“So what was your proposal speech?” Simon whispers. “I bet you practiced it in the mirror a hundred times.”

I frown. “No I didn’t.” (Lie. I did, every day. And with Fiona.)

Snow gives me a knowing look, and I sigh. I stand up and grab the ring off the platter, still holding one of his hands.

“Simon,” I say firmly, “I’ve known you for more than half my life. And I know you are the bravest, most kind, most incredible man on the planet. You amaze me every single day. I never thought I’d have a real life, let alone a happy one. But my time with you has been just that. We may have started out rough, but we've come a long way. We’ve seen each other through our lowest and highest points. I want to spend our entire lives together, no matter how long mine may be.” He squeezes my hand, and I squeeze back. “So, I ask if you would do me a great honour, and allow me to promise such in front of everyone we know and love.” I get down on one knee, because why not? I’ve already embraced the cheesiness. “Simon Snow, will you marry me?”

He doesn’t actually answer. Rather launches himself forward to bloody tackle hug me to the ground. I ignore the fact that all the air has been knocked out my lungs. He buries his face in my neck, and I can feel something wet against it. I understand. I’m pretty sure I’m crying as well.

“Is that a yes?” I chuckle.

“Yes,” he says into my skin. Then he raises his head, sniffling and crying with a giant smile. “Yes, I will marry you, you incredible bastard.”

I cock an eyebrow. “Bastard? Is that really something to call your fiancé?”

Red spreads across his freckled cheeks. Something about the word ‘fiancé’ obviously sets him off, because next thing I know he’s kissing me so hard I see stars. He holds my jaw tightly while his thumbs press into my cheekbones. I bury my hands in his his bronze curls, tugging them on slightly. Simon moans into my mouth, and if I weren’t already on the floor I would’ve collapsed at the feeling. It’s sloppy, passionate, and absolutely wonderful. I love him. I love him more than anything. And he’s my bloody fiancé. Aleister Crowley, I’m living the most charmed life.

“You,” he whispers between our mouths, “are such a hopeless romantic, Baz Pitch.”

I pull back so he can see my frown. I don’t like my reputation insulted. “Am not. I’m a scary evil plotting vampire, remember?”

Simon traces a finger over my cheek. “Basil, how long have you been planning this?”

Oh shit. He knows me far too well. I can feel my blush spread all the way down to my neck. Crowley, I don’t want to satisfy that big smug grin on his face. I’ve already embarrassed myself quite a lot tonight, but this is the tipping point.

“Awhile,” I mumble.

“Be specific, Pitch.”

“Fuck off. You’re going to laugh at me.”

He lowers his head to kiss down my neck. I let out a shaky breath. Oh Merlin, he’s such a wonderful bastard. He knows how vulnerable I am to neck kisses.

“How long, Baz?” He whispers in a sing song.

“Ugh, fine,” I mutter. “Six months. I’ve been planning for six months. And I had help from many people to prepare.”

He giggles against my neck, and I love the vibrations he creates. Even if he’s being a smug bastard. “Of course, you plotting hopeless romantic vampire.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Simon pulls back, looking down at me with his gorgeous wide smile. He’s illuminated by the soft lamps, making it look like he has an orange halo and shimmering hair. He really is an angel. And he’s all mine.

“Make me,” whispers.

That sets something off in me. I grab his arms and easily flip him over onto his back. He yelps in surprise but that quickly turns into a giggle. I waste no time in undoing his shirt, almost ripping the buttons off. I kiss down his sternum with furious urgency. He chuckles and runs his fingers through my hair.

“Eager, hm?”

I growl, having undone shirt and moved onto his jeans with too many buttons. (I swear he wears these just to torture me.) “Shut up , Snow.”

“I told you, Basil, ma- Oh, oh yes. ”

His fingers tighten in my hair. He doesn’t exactly shut up, but he doesn’t say any actual English words either. It’s a collection of incoherent exclamations and moans. Mission accomplished.

———————————————--

Snow and I are curled up together on the couch. After spending so long on the floor, my back is killing me, but it was very much worth it. We’re only half dressed, shirts and pants still open. But we’re far too dazed to even try to look presentable. Who cares anyway? We’re alone in our flat, and we’re too busy basking in the happy afterglow of our engagement. Well, also the sex, but the engagement is the more important event obviously.

“So who was it?” Simon asks from where his head rests against my chest.

“Hm?” I reply.

He turns his head so his chin digs into me. He looks at me with a lazy smile. “You said people helped you with the proposal. Who was it?”

I sigh, running my fingers through his messy hair. “Well, Fiona helped me with speech. Though ‘helped’ may be too generous. Mostly she laughed at me and insisted I change all the adjectives. Dev sent me a hundred different possible recipes to make for dinner. Except for the scones, of course. That was Cook Pritchard. She sends her congratulations by the way. And Niall was actually very helpful when finding a ring. He has surprisingly good taste.”

“So did Niall pick it out? Should I be marrying him instead?”

I flick his nose and he snickers. “No, arsehole, of course I picked it. He just knows the good jewelry stores from when he proposed to his girlfriend.”

“Ah, I see.” His brow furrows. “Y’know, maybe we should actually put those things on.”

“Mm, good idea. Go get them.”

“Why do I have to go get them?”

“Because you’re on top right now and my back hurts too much to move.”

“Old man,” he grumbles as he gets up. I’m too relaxed to remind him that we’re the same age.

He returns quickly, then motions me to sit up, which I do reluctantly. We sit facing each other. He’s examining his gold ring with great interest.

“It’s very pretty,” he says with awe.

I smile smugly. “Look on the inside.”

Simon gives me a curious expression, but shrugs and slowly spins the ring. I can tell the exact moment he sees it. His blue eyes go incredibly wide. Niall said it was too cheesy. But I knew Snow would love it. He lets out a breathy laugh and smiles, wiping a tear from his eye.

“You giant sap,” he says.

“Would you like me to put it on?”

He nods vigorously and holds out the ring. I take it, and gently place my hand under his. It slips onto his ring finger perfectly. Simon snorts and sniffles very unromantically as I do it. But my heart's still beating out of my chest.

“Your turn,” he says, holding up his ring.

“I suppose,” I reply with a smile.

This time I offer my hand to him. The ring fits perfectly on me as well. I’m surprised he found a men’s ring that fits my bony pianist fingers. But he did, and I’m just so fucking happy.

“This is gorgeous as well,” I say.

“It’s not engraved though,” he grumbles. “I didn’t think of that, sorry.”

“Simon, it’s absolutely fine.” He still looks upset. I sigh, and tug on his arm. “Come here.” He flops forward onto me as I lay down. I work my fingers into his hair and kiss his temple, feeling him sigh against my chest.

“I don’t care if mine is engraved, because I know you love me. And because I meant what I engraved on your ring,” I whisper, and he chuckles, which makes me feel relieved. I repeat the words I had etched into the metal, the ones I’ve meant for our seven years together and even longer beforehand. “Simon Snow, I choose you.”

He sighs and holds me tighter. I can tell he’s about to fall asleep. Realistically, we should get up. There’s dishes to wash and this couch isn’t exactly comfortable to sleep on. But Snow is curled up against me, breathing softly. I can feel the cool metal of his ring pressed against my skin. Everything feels too perfect to move. So I just hold Simon, my fiancé, closer, and let myself drift off into sleep.

———————————————-

“What was so important that I had to get up at 6:30 in the morning for?” Bunce grumbles. She’s glaring at us through the screen, glasses askew and giant cup of coffee in hand.

“Well,” Simon says slowly, “take a guess.”

“Simon, I’m not a fan of guessing games. Especially this early.”

“It’s the afternoon for us,” I say. She glares even harder.

“Fine,” she grumbles, leaning back in her chair. “Let’s see. Simon, you’ve got bags under your eyes, and Baz, you keep rubbing the back of your neck. Meaning you two had a fitful sleep on that bloody couch Simon refuses to throw away.”

“I like it,” Simon mumbles with a pout.

“But, you’re also smiling excessively. Even Baz looks happy, and that takes quite a lot to achieve. So I’m guessing you tried some amazing sex thing on that couch and decided to be arseholes and wake me up far too early to tell me.”

I roll my eyes at her sarcasm, and Simon sticks his tongue out. “No, we’re not that evil, Pen," he says.

“You are close though. We slept on the couch, but we actually did it on the floor,” I interject, earning an elbow jab from Snow and a fake retching from Penelope.

“Okay fine,” Bunce groans, “you’re both gross and I’m tired. I give up. Just fucking tell me or I’m hanging up.”

Snow and I both share a look. We’ve been pointedly hiding our left hands. He wiggles his fingers in silent question. I nod.

“Well,” Simon says, “we ended up on the floor-”

“Gross.”

“Let me finish, Pen. We were on the floor because we were a tad over excited. Since Baz gave me this last night.”

He lifts up his hand, making sure the ring is in frame. Bunce’s jaw drops to the floor and her coffee mug nearly falls. She grips her laptop screen and leans forward.

“Nice, huh?” Snow says. “Baz has good taste.”

“Aleister fucking Crowley! Basilton fucking proposed?!” she shouts, loud enough to distort the sound

“M-hm. We had a nice dinner and he hid it under a pile of scones. He had a speech prepared and everything, like the romantic he is.”

“Awwww, that’s adorable.”

I glare at the screen, but Bunce keeps smiling. “Well, Snow is one to talk,” I say, “he proposed with his own adorable rambling speech before I got the chance, foiling my very well thought out plan.”

I show my own ring. Bunce just throws her head back laughing. Simon blushes and kicks my foot, but he’s still smiling ear to ear. Bunce tries to get a hold of herself, still chuckling and wiping a tear from her eye.

“Crowley,” she sighs, “of course that’s what happened. You’re both giant disasters.”

“Shut up,” Snow replies with a smile. “Why are you even surprised? You knew I was planning to.”

I look at him curiously. “She knew you were going to propose?”

“Of course I did!” Penelope shouts. “He called me the second after he bought the ring. I told him he was an impulsive idiot and to wait until the right moment. Which I assumed would be at least a week later, not two days.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Well, it was the right moment, but that was because I made it.”

“And Simon foiled your plot.”

“As usual,” Simon says. We look at each other, and I see nothing but utter joy.

“Okay,” Bunce says, “you two need time to be adorable and engaged, so I’ll leave you to it. But let me know when you pick a date because I will be coming back to England at least two months before to help with everything. You’re going to need it.”

“Oh we will?” I ask with one eyebrow raised.

“Considering how the proposal went? Yes. Bye you idiots, love you!”

She hangs up before I can protest. Simon snorts with laughter. I huff and cross my arms. “She always has to have the last word, doesn’t she?”

“Of course she does, she’s Penny. Now,” he throws his legs over me and sits on my lap without ceremony, “we’ve got the whole weekend free. What should we do, my dear fiancé?”

“Well,” I sigh, running my hands up his sides, “you insisted Bunce know first, so we still have to call my parents, Aunt Fiona, Dev and Niall, and Wellbelove.”

“Okay, sounds good. And afterwards?”

“Hm, we could go for a walk, see a movie, have a nice dinner out.”

“The walk sounds nice. But,” he leans closer, “how about instead of a movie and dinner out, we just order in and watch something on TV? I want to spend time with you. Just the two of us.”

I smile, pulling him closer by the small of his back. “I think I’d like that. Though we’re not sleeping on the couch again. Bunce is right, it’s terrible. My neck is going to have a kink for days.”

“Fine, fine, you big vampire baby, we’ll make sure to get to bed.” He brings his mouth next to my ear. “And then we won’t leave it until Monday.”

A shiver runs down my spine. Merlin and Morgana, seven years together and he still drives me absolutely crazy. “I think I can find that agreeable," I whisper. "My dear fiancé.”

He pulls back to show his smirk. I lean up and kiss it off his face. It’s a slower, calmer kiss, just a lazy slide of lips. It’s so familiar, and it feels like home. Snow presses his left hand right over my heart, and I put my own left over it. Our rings touch with the tiniest clink.

There’s no place in the world I’d rather be right now.

———————————————

AN: I struggled with what counts as a confession, so I did my best. Baz admitting to the six months of planning (lol what a dork) is supposed to be the confession if that wasn't clear. I think that satisfies the prompt. And after the amazing trial that was "Time on Our Side", I needed to write something fluffy and simple, so I decided on a stupidly adorable proposal. Now I've written a proposal and a morning after the wedding fic. All that's left is an actual wedding fic. Hmmmmm I'll have to think about that :)

PS: This is Simon’s ring and this is Baz’s

#carry on #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #penelope bunce #fiona pitch #fluff #proposal #mysnowbazfic

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findmysoulrp · 6 years

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hey lovelies!!!! with our first contest out of the way, the reserves now open and the site creeping closer to completion we decided it’s time to give you another preview!!! this time: the member groups! please find them below the cut, and we hope you enjoy them!!!!

leading on from this we’re launching out second development contest!! it’ll run from now until thursday 5th @ 9am pst / 12pm pst / 4pm gmt. this contest is based around your character’s member group: give us those aesthetics based on which member group your character falls in. they can be moodboards, drabbles, playlists - whatever you’re feeling. if you win, you’ll be allowed an extra reserve before the site opens! please tag all entries with #fmscontest as well as #fmsrp!!

along with announcing the winner we’ll also be opening up the site discord for you all too!! so keep your eyes peeled and keep throwing all your beautiful char stuff into the tag <3 we’re super hyped for the site and we hope you are too!!!!!!!!

the enterprising #85a8d4

these are the people you need in your life when you are a little more disorganized. they crave things to be done a certain way, often their own, and have trouble delegating tasks to other people because they know they're always going to do it a bit wrong. these people often do well in leadership roles but sometimes find it hard to stay in their lane if they’re part of a team. Conscious of their status, these people are prone to measure their worth by where they stand with other people, which leads many of them to be naturally competitive. They find it hard not to compare themselves to those who are similar to themselves or a natural competitor, and it doesn’t always end well for them. tending to play life by measuring their milestones achieved, failure is never an option. Enterprising and efficient, however, they always have a plan or two in their pocket to pull out on a rainy day and once they’re knocked down, are normally quick to pull themselves back up again.

the one that steps forward during a group project / always down for a trip to ikea / the one friend you turn to when your group needs to split a bill / they run on their chosen source of caffeine / sometimes miss the joke / wants to be their own boss / judges people for how well (or disorganized) their lives are

the conventional #d7d1a5

the conventional live in the middle and they don’t really mind it. they’re the people that keep life chugging along by being what they need to be when they need to be it. whether it’s the shoulder to cry on for a friend or enjoying a home cooked meal with the family, whatever the moment calls for is what they are. they’re not the kind of people who are going to cause a fuss because things aren’t done their way, they would honestly rather live and let live and often think it’s better to mind their own business than start meddling with other people’s. occasionally those in this group can be accused of playing it safe too often but it’s rarely for no reason. at the end of the day there’s nothing all that wrong with yearning for a little safety and security in life, is there?

saying the phrase "i hate to be the bad guy" / when a restaurant messes up their order they don't say anything / gets over things easily / runs middle of the pack and isn't too fussed about it / your mom would love you to marry one of these people / hugs like a big blanket

the social #dca4cf

ah the social butterflies. these were the kids that you envied in public speaking because they never had to practice their speeches, they could just get up there and confidently bullshit their way through a speech in a room filled with strangers. much like how it was in high school they are always down to take you out for the night just to get your mind off something. now these butterflies can vary. some of them are on the warmer side. they are the ones that want to make everyone feel included and when they're talking to you, you get their complete and undivided attention. and then there are the ones that have a little more cynical outlook on the world. these are the ones that have let their ego take the wheel and have no issue showing you that they're completely aware of how popular among the crowd they rank. assholes can be social too people. they often have a wing it mentality. they don't feel the need to plan every little aspect of their day out. in fact they'd prefer to take things as they came and just make it up as they go because it's more fun that way.

never the first to arrive / last to leave a party / feels comfortable talking to strangers / was a friend of a friend to everyone in high school / this guy / people you want to be around when you have nothing to do because you know you'll have a good time / that one kid from high school that's trying to become a dj

the artistic #c199cf

those in this group tend to look at life and see how things are done, then ask themselves ‘how can this be done more beautifully?’. artistic types are generally creative, whether its actually in an artistic field or just with how they go about their lives, they like to mix things up. usually on the spontaneous side, it’ll depend on whether they’re introverted or extroverted as to whether that spontaneity is obvious to everyone else or just to them. usually those in this group keep an open mind and don’t shut themselves off to new things, although they don’t typically question things either. intuitive and in touch with their emotions, these are the people who are usually uninhibited and find it natural to express their feelings, which, with their sensitive nature, they usually have a lot off.

all about the aesthetic / dreams in vivid pictures / can get distracted for hours perfecting things no one else notices / the partner who wants to talk about feelings / smiles at sunsets / notices when you do your hair a different way / experiments with food or their appearance on the daily

the realist #a3bb96

ever heard of ‘act first, think later’? because it’s basically this group’s mantra. as realists, these people are the doers of society and they don’t particularly enjoy sitting around, hypothesising about how things could be done, instead they’re more likely to charge in and take matters into their own hands, not necessarily in the most productive or in the best way possible. but at least, at the end of the day, they get things done. hard workers, who don’t live with their head in the clouds, these are the kind of people good at seeing how things are and not how they would like them to be. how blunt they are about telling people that, of course, is up to how well developed their filter is. typically not too optimistic, they can see the rules of society and what they need to do to get by. usually these types see themselves as practical, down to earth, and honest. however, just because they can see the rules doesn’t mean that they stick to them.

gets the job done / rolls eyes at conspiracy theories / likes to work with their hands / gets bored after 1 minute in the bath / everything is black or white / punching a guy at the bar and realising it was the wrong guy / calls out bullshit / would take a secret to the grave

the investigative #ab6666

naturally curious, these are your ideas people. they’re big on finding solutions and digging down deep into problems that others might not even be aware of. however, sometimes that can mean they make a mountain out of a molehill because they spend so much time picking things apart in their own heads. they’re thoughtful to the point that many of them become overthinkers and often those in this group tend to not be too good at handling emotions, that or they tend to think they can think their way out of them and prioritise logic above feelings. interested in the world around them these investigative types can concern themselves with people or things, but whatever it is, they have a lot of thoughts about it. their need to get to the bottom of things can often put them at odds with people who would rather let things lie. whilst many make great academics that isn’t a hallmark of an investigative mind: some just tend to get caught up in their own heads.

the one with the plan / “let me think about this” / most likely to have a ‘pepe silvia’ break down / lies awake at night thinking through everything they could have said five years ago / alcohol is a great sedative for the mind / buried behind books / thinks school is a social construction

#fmsrp #update #preview #member groups

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wjsns · 6 years

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i did a quick little astro-analysis of loona below :*

haseul has her sun in leo and her moon in aquarius (sister signs!!!) she has a libra venus and a scorpio mars as well. i loooove sister sign placements! she has a broadened perspective from this and the ability to put her sun sign in the back seat. leos are great performers and love the spotlight. aquarians love the arts and finding beauty in anything, haseul was born to be a performer! her libra venus means its very important for her to have harmonious relationships in her every day life. this combined with a scorpio mars means she may internalize a lot of her feelings and her leo sun makes sure she is always projecting the perfect appearance. she is a leader who cares for those around her and often times puts the needs of others before her own.

vivi is a sagittarius sun, scorpio moon and venus, and a virgo mars... while all sagittarius’s are free spirited and flighty, her scorpio moon (ruling inner emotions) is going to give her a sense of depth that sag’s usually run away from. that paired with her scorpio venus mean she feels things a lot deeper and longer than a typical fire sign (whos emotions are normally explosive but short lived). her virgo mars DEFINITELY pulls in those scorpio placements and her sagittarius sun. both are known for being dramatic and they can get overwhelmed easily. virgo pulls all that together in a tight little box and really gives her chart a nice sense of control. mars rules actions and reactions, so its a nice filter on her true inner self. vivi definitely has a lot brewing under the surface.

heejin is a libra with her moon in cancer, her venus in scorpio and her mars in virgo. she shares 2 placements with vivi! my favorite part about heejin’s chart is her cancer moon. the moon is at home in cancer, this means heejin is extremely attuned to other peoples needs and emotions. paired with her libra sun, you have the perfect giver. she is effected by others emotional well being. if someone around her is upset, she is too. with her mars in virgo and libra sun working together she is highly analytical and an excellent problem solver. libra and virgo, earth and air. the two more unemotional elements paired with her 2 water placements give her a great emotional/logical balance. heejin has one of the best charts ive ever read!

hyunjin is a scorpio and has a cancer moon as well. she also has a capricorn venus and a libra mars. her elemental balance is really nice. cancer and libra paired means she really looks out for others, and, like heejin, her emotional well being revolves a lot around the emotional wellbeing of those closest to her. capricorn venus is a very stable placement. capricorns are achievers and realists. she strives to be the best she can be and wants to bring others up with her. it is hard for her to express how she really feels about something, capricorn makes her competitive, cancer makes her sensitive and emotional, libra makes her rational and scorpio makes her work hard to mask all of that. she is very careful and deliberate.

yeojin our second scorpio, her moon is in aquarius like haseul, her mars in libra like hyunjin, and her venus in scorpio like vivi and heejin. i think its also worth it to note her mercury is also in scorpio (i dont put too much emphasis in mercury bc i feel like mars and moon overrides it in general analysis). we have a triple scorpio! all this mystery paired with an aquarius moon is really interesting, essentially a bleeding heart for herself with a bleeding heart for humanity. she gives off a really cool vibe. scorpio and libra :) scorpio, partially ruled by mars is paired off nicely with libra, ruled by venus. these placements have a lot of power and its easy to see in everything she does. the libra mars helps her control and direct her scorpio energy into a very relatable and “extroverted” manner.

kim lip, aquarius sun, sagittarius moon, pisces venus and scorpio mars. whew a lottt of scorpio in loona!!! aquarians are known for their individuality. sagittarius also like to be the “odd one out” and can be flighty. with these two paired in a chart, you have someone who prides themselves in being different. they dont try to fit in or be anyone else, in fact, others try and emulate them. gives off a very cool girl vibe. the two water placements, pisces venus and scorpio mars are a great harmony. pisces is a dreamer, she has plenty of aquarius and pisces dreams but not a lot of “doing” placements. pisces sees the world through rose tinted glasses, and combined with sagittarius, even her overthinking aquarius & scorpio placements cant get her down for too long! she is a thinker for sure. a really nice elemental blend. fire is rare in loona, and you certainly can see kim lips spark!

jinsoul our first of a long line of geminis! her virgo moon and mars stand out, and her cancer venus gives a great splash of water to her chart. she also has a gemini mercury (gemini is at home in mercury, this girl is great at communication). geminis are notorious for their “two faces” but in reality, they really are very versatile. they need to connect with others to thrive. jinsoul has a couple of virgo placements too, which keep her very composed at all times. geminis have a tendency to get a little too weird and unconscious of themselves, but her virgo placements take care of that. she is eternally focused and has a pretty linear drive. geminis strive to connect intellectually, and her cancer venus strives to connect emotionally. overall, i see a chart that really relies heavily on human connection and needs to have people to confide in. she is driven to work and play hard.

choerry our next gemini, im excited to do her chart because this is loona’s first aries placement!!!! scorpio moon, aries venus, and sagittarius mars complete choerry’s chart. this is a lot of fire compared to the rest of loona! gemini and aries together in a chart mean one thing, impulsiveness. and because choerry doesnt have any earth, she really doesnt have a whole lot of control over her actions. this doesnt mean she isnt disciplined or anything, but she is very expressive. her scorpio moon also seeks out intensity in everything, i bet choerry loves roller coasters :) sagittarius is no help to this wild girls cause, overall i see a girl whos chart indicates she is sporadic and exuberant. she acts on impulse and charms others with her gemini relatability and her aries childlike innocence. by far my favorite chart so far.

yves, our 3rd gemini, who also has a gemini venus! along with her sagittarius moon and virgo mars :) we have another sister sign sun and moon pairing!!! gemini and sagittarius feed off of each other, the eternal student and teacher. for yves, there is always more to learn and perfect. the thirst to do more is never quenched! virgo mars is the key placement (as all earth mars’s are) to keeping all that sporadic gemini tied up neatly. it controls her impulses and actions and makes her acutely aware of her decision making process. our awkward girl simply has a virgo mars behind the wheel!

hope you guys liked this im such an astrology nerd it was hard to cut these off and not make them too long!!!

EDIT: im adding the final three girls!

chuu, another libra girl <3 she has an aquarius moon as well which is quite different than heejins cancer moon. she also has a virgo venus and a capricorn mars. aquarian moons are learners and thinkers. this combined with a libra sun means that chuu has a very optimistic outlook on life. libra is all about keeping the balance and aquarius is the “humanitarian sign”. I would say chuu has a very strong moral compass, and is an independent thinker. because of her earth placements, i would say chuu is a very developed libra. she lets her “cute” out even though her capricorn mars makes her a more serious planner and goal setter. her virgo venus means that structure and order are important in relationships, they don’t like flashy or loud, they prefer laid back people they can get along easily with.

go won another scorpio, this time with a virgo moon, capricorn venus, and libra mars. Overall, she has a very similar chart to chuu! all 3 of our scorpios so far have their mars in libra as well. this is really cute because although scorpios are known for being mysterious and a bit closed off, libra mars’s strive for balance. they aren’t as extreme as other scorpios might be (with traits such as introversion and closed off-ness), but they still have the passion and the mischievousness we can see in both scorpio and libra! with a virgo moon, go won views her emotions as a list to check off or as messy things to be dealt with quickly. she’s pretty much the opposite of hyunjin’s cancer moon. I would say go won brushes off the emotional intensity scorpios are used to feeling. her capricorn venus is also interesting because in her relationships with people, she strives to look competent and responsible. this paired with her libra mars means go won keeps her social interactions under strict control.

olivia hye honestly im scared... loona has sooo much scorpio energy. miss olivia hye has a scorpio sun and venus, a libra moon, and an aquarius mars. she is an intense person who has intense relationships. her inner emotions are settled when she perceives everyone else to be happy, because her libra moon cannot be at rest until the scales are balanced. communication is not a strong point of hers, but the libra moon helps. she would rather step back and not cause problems than outwardly stick up for herself in most situations and cause a “scene”. her aquarius mars also gives her a very outward emotional view. aquarius mars are a little more independent, however, emotionally she needs the people close to her to be happy before she is! by having aquarius, libra and scorpio in her chart, she can be an excellent manipulator! she hates to cause a scene but that doesnt mean she cant get what she wants!

ot12 is complete! we have a lottt of scorpio energy, not just in sun signs but in the rest of the girls charts as well! in fact, jinsoul and yves are the only girls without any scorpio in their basic chart.... crazy! There is also a huge lack of fire! Vivi and Haseul are the only fire signs, and choerry has the only aries placement in all of loona. we’ve got a water/air dominated group on our hands and i can’t want to see how all their charts interact with each other in the future!!!

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