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lilanxiousramenboy · 1 year

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⚠️trigger warning⚠️

sewerslide, depression, etc.

Me Voy A Matarme

i’m going to kill myself;

but the problem is,

i don’t know how much of a joke that is anymore.

it was once a joke;

one hundred percent.

said in moments of weakness,

of annoyance,

of anger,

of sadness,

of pain.

back when the response was only a “bruh” or “you want me to have more dead friend trauma?”

damned if i do,

damned if i don’t.

but now i’m not so sure;

it is a joke;

maybe fifty or sixty percent.

said in moments of sadness,

of pain,

of annoyance,

of anger,

of weakness.

now with no response.

met with either silence,

uncomfortable looks,

or loneliness.

damned if i don’t,

fine if i do.

my reason for why is odd.

it’s not that i don’t want to be here;

it’s that i feel no one wants me here.

i feel it would be better for everyone if i disappeared.

i offer nothing good.

i offer depression,

anxiety,

anger,

sadness.

i want to be here.

i want to continue living;

but does anyone want me to continue living?

am i just ruining everyone’s life?

i bring pain and worry upon those i care about.

if i wasn’t here,

would that happen as much?

or would they all be okay?

would they all be better?

would they all live their lives as if i was never here at all?

i don’t want to die;

but i think everyone wants me dead;

to throw me in the ground and forget i ever existed.

it hurts.

this is more pain than i’ve ever felt;

having a list of people who don’t care is worse than having no one.

i’m hurt;

but i’m numb to it now;

i’ve felt it so long it’s just a part of me now.

i’m numb;

dead inside;

dead.

Context/Story behind this Poem

essentially, i’m depressed, i feel like a shitty person, i don’t think anyone wants me here, and i’m tired of feeling like this. if you feel the same way please know that you are worth it. you deserve to keep living. you’re not a shitty person. you’re important to a lot of people and they all care about you. they want you here.

Other songs to accompany this poem:

#tw sewerslide #tw mention of sewerslide #sewerslidal #sewer slide #spotify #depression #poetry #amateur poetry #my poetry #sad poem #sad boi hours #sad thoughts #sad poetry #help idk how to tag

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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 3 months

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Lunar: Moon, please chill. You’re going batshit.

Moon: I made the house kitten-proof. And the island too. There’s nothing Solar can kill himself with anymore. I even threatened the goose to behave.

#sun and moon show #sams #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #kitten solar au #fnaf lunar #fnaf moon #fnaf solar #incorrect sun and moon show quotes #incorrect sams quotes #incorrect fnaf quotes #incorrect quotes #source: my brain #aka my missing noon post #from december 7th #tw death mention #tw sewerslide mention

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bughugs · 1 year

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i’m so fucking lonely i don’t even know why i’m fighting anymore. Nobody will care when i’m gone.

#sorry for being depressing #tw depressing thoughts #s/h recovery #implied s/h #s3lfh4rm #tw s3lf harm #s/h tw #tw s/h mention #sewercide #sewerslidal #suicudal #sewer slide #tw sui ideation #self h@rm

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queenie-blackthorn · 8 months

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in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

#mental health day #world mental health day #october 10 #tw sewerslide attempt #tw mentions of death #tw mentions of self harm #tw self destructive behavior #road to recovery

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yum-zlurplie · 3 months

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gonna bake instead of cvtting myself are you proud

#i have literally been clean for MONTHS so im fine i just had a urge #(womp womp)#im fine don't report me for sewerslide or self harn #tw sh mention

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stone-limbs · 2 years

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Maybe if i was skinny he wouldn't have left.

Maybe if i wasnt so needy he wouldnt have left.

Maybe if i wasnt so mentaly ill he wouldnt have left.

Maybe if i was just a better fucking person with a better fucking mental health and a better fucking life he wouldnt have left.

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traumatizedjaguar · 2 years

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#tw trauma vent account #traumacore #angercore #ragecore #hatecore #paincore #revengecore #tw abuser mention #smear campaign tw #tw #bullying survivor tw #tw sewerslidal #tw sewerslide #actuallyabused #actually traumatized #my trauma edits #traumatizedjaguar

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bronbiala · 7 months

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the things that hurts the most is seeing kids under those tags. it really does. you guys are soo young. it may sound like me being a baby-boomer but really when i was 14 i didn't have any socials beside insta (still destructive to my viev of self) and messenger and i still got depressed and engaged in some screwed up behaviors and i'm just so worried about those who have access to this app or tiktok. this place is so dangerous, triggering and nasty. some people here encourage others to get sicker and even clame that their issues are not that serious unless something truly horrible happenes. there are cases of underage people getting gross and creppy messages from grown-ups who are using the power imbalance to get the most out of minors who don't know any better and sometimes won't react properly to this. if you are a still a kid and you are hanging there please please please take a break and see if it makes you feel any better! i wish you all the best and hope that you reclaim your childhood just in time. (SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING) life may be dificult but it is truly worth it and i say it as a sui atempt survivor

i love you all, i wish you an awsome day today! remember you deserve the world and all good things, don't let others break you 💗💗💗💗

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novasvent · 1 year

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relapse babys>>>>tw fresh cut tw feet

#tw selfhate #fresh cvts #sh mention #tw self destructive behavior #cvtt1ng #tw #tw cvtting #self h@rm #styroblr #tw cvts #Blood #tw blood #Fresh cuts #tw sh implied #science #tw sucidal ideation #sewerslidal

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chewytooth · 2 years

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you will always have my heart :(

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lilanxiousramenboy · 1 year

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Reasons

it’s you

my reason

my reason for smiling

my reason for dreaming

my reason for laughing

my reason for crying

my reason for fighting

my reason for trying

my reason for staying

my reason for falling

my reason for loving

and so,

my reason?

it’s you

it’s always been you

it will always be you

Context/Story for the Poem

⚠️trigger warning⚠️

(mention of sh and sewerslide)

i’ve been going through a really rough time and not many people are there for me in this tough time but i have one person who is there for me and who is amazing in so many ways and they’re great at reminding me as many times as i need that they’re there for me and they care about me. i struggle with thoughts of sewerslide and also struggle with sh. this person is the only one who i feel like really understands me and knows how to support me with these struggles. they are the reason i keep going.

Other songs to accompany this poem:

#tw mention of sh #tw mention of sewerslide #sh #self h@rm #depression #sewer slide #poetry #my poetry #amateur poetry #simp #i am a simp #help idk how to tag #Spotify

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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 5 months

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If they kill Eclipse again without at least trying to help this pathetic little piece of scrap metal, I’m not going to forgive them.

The man literally doesn’t want to be alive and doesn’t know how he is alive! He literally walked into a place he could easily just be killed! The motherfucker is passively suicidal at this point and is basically emotionally numb.

Please someone just force him into a room and make him just cry already! We were so close with Ruin! We can do it again if someone just fucking traps him somewhere where he can’t get out and just start giving him therapy and talking to him like he’s an actual sentient being!

#sun and moon show #sams #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf eclipse #fnaf ruin eclipse #snoweytrashposts #snoweytalks #snoweyrambles #snoweyrants #tw cursing #tw sewerslide mention #tw death mention

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publishedloveletters · 1 year

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i could probably kill myself right now and no one would notice until they need something

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bughugs · 1 year

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Does anyone else just only do baby cuts? I do tons of em as fast as i can and only press until i see a little bit of blood because honestly i prefer the pain and the blood over having to wait a long time to heal. It’s easier which means i can do it more often :3

#sorry for being depressing #tw depressing thoughts #implied s/h #s/h recovery #s3lfh4rm #tw s3lf harm #s/h tw #tw s/h mention #sewer slide #sewercide #sewerslidal #suicudal #tw sui ideation #slef harn #slef harm #forever sleep

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problematicattraction · 1 month

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from one disabled therian to another, get out of the radqueer community :( it only causes harm, you will genuinely be so much happier when you leave

No.

I used to be an anti-radqueer.

Being an anti-radqueer made me want to kill myself.

Hope this helps.

#And I don't see why bringing up you being a disabled therian is supposed to do anything because I know I am one too but like #I guess it effects some people but honestly me being a disabled therian in the anti-rq community was so fucking horrible genuinely #So it doesn't help your case with me #Anti-rqs abused me for a majority of my time on Tumblr both as an anti and as a rq #I hope you escape that shitty ass community because it is built on hate and anything built on hate with crumble and take you with it.#tw sewerslide #tw sewerslide mention #tw sh implied #sewer slide #tw mental illness #tw mental instability

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hospital-kid · 2 years

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TW: mentions of SA

welp, another all nighter.

it’s kinda intentional though... i keep having nightmares about my SA and i’m tired of feeling so gross and disgusting and used. so no sleep it is.

caffeine is my savior.

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