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softpascalito · 5 months

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Double Shift - 2003!Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Joel is in over his head with the amount of shifts he's picking up at the construction site and Christmas coming right up. You help out.

Relationships: 2003!Joel Miller x Reader WC: 1800 Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Christmas, Crying, Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Pre-Cordyceps Outbreak Joel (The Last of Us), Pre-Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Established Relationship, Financial Issues, This is pretty sad yall im sorry Read on AO3 full advent calendar (updated daily)

notes: hello loves! sorry this is kinda late, my week is so incredibly stressful and im super behind on writing but hey we're only 5 hours late! i hope you still enjoy this and please READ THE TAGS. this one is a lil sad!

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Joel doesn't even remember the last full day he has taken off. It seems to him that he knows the house they’re building better than the one waiting for him at the end of his shift. And he hates it.

He spends every possible second on the construction site, every other possible second with Sarah, helping her with math homework in the evenings, taking her out on the weekends when he can.

And every second at night, when it's too late to be out working and when Sarah is asleep, he spends worrying about money.

It's been a rough year, both financially and emotionally. But he doesn't have time to dwell on it, to complain about it, hell, he doesn't even have time to grieve. He has a daughter at home and that's the one thing he knows, the one thing that keeps him going. It's always her.

That's his thought anyway when you meet during the summer and it's his reasoning for keeping you away for a while. But as the leaves turn orange and the air crisp, he brings you home more. Sarah and you get along great, the girl instantly taking a liking to the way you do things differently than her father or her uncle.

Joel finds himself thankful to have someone to watch Sarah on weekends, someone to also spare him awkward conversations about tampons and boys (or girls) - though he always insists Sarah is still too young for the latter.

By the time Christmas rolls around, the three of you have settled into a routine, with you watching Sarah twice during afternoons, often staying for dinner on Joel's demand. It’s almost like a little family night.

Today, a text lets you know there'll be no such luck.

Have to finish the flooring tonight, will take a few more hours. Tell Sarah she can order some food. See you next week, baby.

It's past ten when the truck finally pulls up in the driveway, Joel letting out a heavy sigh as he sits in silence for a moment. It takes him every ounce of strength not to cry. He’s tired and it’s Christmas week and he still hasn’t ticked off more than one thing off Sarah's Christmas list. He knows this will be a sad one, the few presents he has waiting in the linen closet, wrapped in the daily paper. The thought has been looming over him for weeks. He sees lights on in the living room. It looks like something dim, definitely not the big light - maybe the TV.

When he opens the door to the kitchen and hears music drifting from the living room, he’s certain about what he’ll find. Sarah asleep, curled up on the couch with the TV on and some leftover food in front of her.

Last week, he found her having a can of ravioli for dinner- something they usually only keep stocked for their camping trips. It was the moment he realized he may not have been as sneaky about keeping their financial struggles to himself as he would have hoped.

It's the only time he curses when thinking about how smart his daughter is.

Joel damn near passes out when he does enter the living room. Because yes, Sarah is there, asleep on the couch. But she’s curled up against you, your hand gently stroking her back. And yes, the TV is on. But the source of light he’s seen from outside is a Christmas tree in the corner, decorated with colorful lights and bulbs and a golden star on top.

Your head turns as you feel his presence in the doorway and a small smile spreads over your face. Your voice is barely a whisper, trying not to wake the girl beside you, “Surprise.”

It’s the second time Joel wants to fucking cry tonight. He makes his way over to you, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips before turning towards Sarah, “I'll take her to bed.”

You give a small nod, shifting slightly to allow him to pick his daughter up. You watch him as he carries her up the stairs, moving carefully to make sure not to bump her head.

It barely takes a minute before you hear him closing Sarah's bedroom door and coming back downstairs. He stops in the middle of the room. And he looks so lost.

“You did- uhm- you did this?” He asks, a little choked up and you yawn a little as you let your eyes wander over to the tree, “I know I should've asked but Sarah told me last week that she really wanted a tree and I thought...” you drift off, carefully watching his reaction.

“What, so you made my daughter conspire against me?” It comes out a lot rougher than he intends, if your face is anything to go by.

“Are you mad?”

Something about the way you ask so quietly, so softly, draws a sigh from Joel's throat. God, he’s an asshole.

Whatever words he prepared a moment ago are washed away and he shakes his head, “No. No, I'm sorry, it's just been a long day.”

“It hasn't just been one long day,” you say gently as you climb off the couch to stand in front of him, wrapping your arms around his slightly stained shirt. He smells like wood and paint and sweat. The mix of those scents smells like home.

“Look, I’m not- I’m not trying to overstep my boundaries. I just want her to have a nice Christmas, that's all.”

“I do too,” Joel mutters, bowing his head a little, his eyes wandering over to the tree in the corner. He blinks a few times but it doesn’t help. The tears still come.

“I don't want to fail her.”

The lights blur in his vision, the colors dancing around in long stripes as the tears gather in his eyes. It looks so beautiful. It would look so beautiful. If his heart could only stop hurting, if his chest would stop being so tight.

And then you're there. Making yourself a little taller than you are, one hand pressed to his back, the other pulling his head into your shoulder.

“You're okay. Come on, you're okay.”

You whisper the words into his ear. It hurts to see him like this, it always does. He rarely shows emotion, no matter if it's about Sarah or you or the grief.

The only time you've seen him cry is the night the hospital called. He hadn't cried on the phone, had only nodded along, taken some notes, asked a few questions. Then, he had gone to Sarah's room. Her sobs alone had made you cry, despite the fact that you weren't even a part of this family. Not yet, at least.

Joel had held the small frame of his daughter, letting her tire herself out with crying, shushed her whenever the sobs got too loud, stroked her hair for what must've been hours.

He had insisted that you could go home for the night. You had insisted on staying.

His tears hadn’t come until you were both in bed, when his body began to shake and you felt him beginning to cry silently beside you, forcing himself to make no noise in case Sarah could hear.

You had let him sob into your chest, tucked him so close to you it almost felt impossible to have your bodies so flush together. It was the only time you saw him cry.

Until now.

You pull him onto the couch with you, still holding him close. When he has calmed down enough for you to lean over, you reach for a small package hidden behind the couch, “I was gonna make this a surprise for both of you. But maybe- we should make it a surprise for her rather than that.”

Joel frowns a tiny bit, reaching out to lift the lid of the small box- and being met with three tickets to a Halican Drops concert. He knows what they are worth. He’s been starting at the price on the ticket office poster every time he passes it.

“You shouldn't-”

“But I will. In fact, I already did,” you smile gently, putting the box back into its hiding place. “I got her some other stuff too. And I will get you some proper Christmas paper to wrap everything in, by the way. But this we could- it'll be from both of us.”

When he continues to stare at you, you go on, “I got a small Christmas bonus. You know I don't have anyone else to spend it on. And I want her to have this. And you. I want you to have this, Joel.”

“I want to have this,” he whispers back. You're both not really talking about the concert anymore. It doesn't matter. You’ve always been good at speaking this way, both reading between the lines, knowing what the other one means. Noone has understood you that way until him.

“I don't know how I got so lucky,” he mumbles, sighing a little as he looks around the living room once more. There’s the tree and some garlands, a few dried orange slices dangling in front of the window, “And the decorations are-?”

“Well, the bulbs are yours. I just got some new lights. Pretty sure the old ones were a bigger fire hazard than your cooking.” It draws a small chuckle from his throat. “Sarah had the idea with the oranges. I think they turned out real pretty,” you explain as you reach to touch one of them.

“Yeah, they did.”

You’re halfway through whatever Christmas movie is on during the night when Joel looks over at the tree again, pondering something for a split second before he speaks.

“I'll get you a key for Christmas.”

You frown a little, “I have a key. You know that. I wouldn't need it if Sarah didn't forget hers every day but-”

“No,” Joel interrupts, shaking his head a little.

“I meant, I'll get you one if you want. For you. To use it. So you can-” He swallows a bit, turning his head to find your face next to him. Soft, brown eyes, so close that you can see the patterns of his iris. There’s a speck of gray in the brown.

“So you can come here. After work.”

It takes you a second to follow his train of thought. And then you realize what he's saying.

“Are you asking me to move in with you? Because if so, you're doing an absolutely horrible job at it.”

“But will you?”

You smile a little at how nervous he suddenly seems, his hand sliding over your thigh and squeezing slightly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I will,” you mumble, leaning in to kiss him, sighing against his soft lips when they part for you.

“Merry Christmas, Joel.”

“Merry Christmas, darlin’.”

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smileydk · 9 months

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Road Trip + Neck kisses

Pairing: Non-Idol!Wooyoung x Best-Friend!OC

Summary: Jiwoo's best friend, Wooyoung, decides to shoot his shot with his friend, who he's been in love with since they were 10. Only he doesn't know the feelings are mutual + 99-liners and reader are 19, Jongho is 18 and the 98-liners are 20

Note: I kind of spiraled in the end and added… a proposal! Yay… 😁… and to everyone who got tagged. I sincerely apologize :) I needed to make up some usernames for the end…

cw/tw: hickeys, hints towards sex, kisses, make-out session.

''Jiwoo, you're in the back since you're... tiny'' Yunho stated as he was quick to sit down in the driver's seat.

''Fuck you'' She pouted.

Mingi was given the passanger seat since he was the tallest after Yunho. San, Yeosang and Jongho sat down in the row behind them. Seonghwa and Hongjoong sat in the second middle row, the seat between them being filled with snacks. This only left the last row to Jiwoo and Wooyoung, and the luggage.

''Why do we have so much luggage? We're going camping for two days'' Jiwoo asked as she took her seat in Wooyoung's lap.

''Because someone-'' Hongjoong shot a pointed look at San. ''-needed to bring his whole bathroom with him for two days in the forest''

Jiwoo chuckled at San as he looked very offended by the comment.

'' You’re just jealous because my hair’s better than yours! Don't come crying ot me when you wake up tomorrow and look like… you!''

Jiwoo’s laughter continued as the two bickered. Her laughter faded as Wooyoung's arm snuck around her waist as some kind of seatbelt.

''Tell me if I'm too heavy and I'll sit on San's hair products'' Jiwoo mumbled quietly as her breath caught in her throat.

''You weigh literally nothing'' The man replied and leaned back, pulling his friend with him.

As Jiwoo sat leaned against Wooyoung's stomach, she couldn't help but blush as she felt his abs pressing against her lower back.

Sure, the man wasn't ridicolously fit, but he was just enough. And Jiwoo, personally, prefered Wooyoung's physique over some super fit muscle man.

Since the ride to the forest was almost four hours, most of the guys had fallen sleep. Yunho was currently surviving on caffein and Mingi's constant chatter about... different things each minute, but mostly about how tired he was.

''Mingi, for god's sake! If you're tired, sleep instead of annoying me'' Yunho snapped as he turned onto a smaller road.

There was still another two hours left to the drive and Yunho did not wanna listen to Mingi's chatter anymore.

Jiwoo, who wasn't tired at all, chuckled at their bickering. She couldn’t judge them. They lived together and now they were locked into a car together for four hours. They were bound to snap at some point.

Yunho's snapping however proved to be very effective on the man as he fell silent. A moment later his head fell against the car window and snores were heard.

The only ones awake were Jiwoo, Yunho and Wooyoung. Yunho was very focused on the road since it was very small. Well, you couldn't even call it a road, it was a small gravel path, and the car was hired. Meaning he couldn't damage it at all, or it'll cost him.

Wooyoung wrapped both his arms around Jiwoo even tighter as the road became more wiggly, since she didn't have a seatbelt. And because he knew the other guys would kill him if he let the girl die, especially her brother Seonghwa.

Jiwoo was scrolling through instagram, pouting to herself as her feed consisted of her other freinds and their partners. Some more appropriate than others.

Her best friend, Ara, had posted a picture of her neck filled with hickeys, as well as her boyfriends lips still attached to her neck.

''Neck kisses from my boo are the best''

She liked the post and opened the comments. She chuckled as most of her single friends had commented. Mostly about how jealous they were. Jiwoo decided to be petty and copy them.

''Ara, you're making the rest of us jealous! You can only share this with your taken friends!

It only took a minute before Ara had replied to the comment.

''Come on Jiwoo~ don't be jealous, just find a good guy and ask! I recommend Wooyoung since you've been in love with him for like 8 years!''

Jiwoo sighed and chuckled. She liked the comment and turned her phone off.

Wooyoung, whose head rested on Jiwoo's shoulder, raised an eyebrow as he read the comments. Sure, it wasn't nice looking at others phones, but they were talking about him after all. He must have had some kind of right to spy, right?

Yunho took a peek in the rearview mirror and smirked. He re-angled it and turned his focus back to the road.

''So, you like neck kisses, eh?'' Wooyoung chuckled as he leaned back.

''Yah, don't read my odd comments!'' Jiwoo pouted and put her phone in the pocket on the back of the seat in front of her.

As she leaned forward Wooyoung let out a hiss. ''Don't do that''

''What?'' Jiwoo was completely clueless. She wasn't even pretending to be innocent, she didn't understand.

''Don't move around so much~'' He wrapped his arms back around her waist and held her in a firm grip

''Wha- oh'' She blushed as she felt exactly why he whined.

He laid his head back on her shoulder. His lips were right by the girl's ears. ''Wanna try out the neck kisses?'' He ran his nose along her neck, smirking as she shuddered and goosebumps grew on her skin.

Jiwoo didn't know what to do. Sure, she'd been in love with the man for eight years, but she was a little unsure of what they could start since she didn't want to wreck their friendship.

They had always been a flirty duo. Pick-up lines, teasing, perverted jokes.

She was slightly impressed that he kept his cool and didn't jump at the chance. ''Come on, Princess~ I need an answer''

''Such a gentleman'' She patted his cheek. ''Sure, if you want to''

Wooyoung let out the breath he was holding and pressed a light kiss to Jiwoo's neck.

Jiwoo was embarrassed as she let out a small sigh of satisfaction. Her hand flew up to silence her sounds.

The sigh however only encouraged Wooyoung's kisses. He continued pressing kisses to her neck wherever he could reach. Jiwoo tilted her head slightly, giving Wooyoung more access to her neck.

Wooyoung's cocky smirk only grew as her body responded to his action. He pushed her hair to the side and continued leaving kisses all over her neck and throat.

The girl's eyes widened as she could feel him slowly getting more frisky and confident.

She put her index finger in her mouth and bit down as he started sucking and nibbling slightly on her neck. ''Fuck~''

''Yunho's never gonna let us live this down'' Wooyoung mumbled as he removed his lips from Jiwoo's neck. He smiled at his art piece.

''No he is not! And he will tell all of their friends and the girl’s brother, so that they will tease them as well'' Yunho replied from the driver's seat.

Jiwoo chuckled and leaned back, resting her head on Wooyoung's shoulder. ''You look so good in black hair'' She mumbled and ran her hand through his newly black-dyed hair.

''Do you mean my oreo hair was ugly?'' Wooyoung raised an eyebrow, knowing very well that wasn't what she meant, but he was a born tease.

''No, but your black hair makes you much more sexy- I don't know why'' Jiwoo smiled and ran her thumb along his jawline. She allowed her hand to continue down his neck before going back up.

''That tickles'' Wooyoung whined.

''Sorry''

She however continued tracing the boy. Her fingers reached his lips and she smiled. ''Oh my god, you have a mole on your lip'' She smiled and took a closer look.

''I know'' Wooyoung chuckled at her excitement. He wondered how she’d never seen it before. He grabbed her hand and kissed her index finger.

''And one here'' She smiled and poked the mole under his left eye.

''Stop it, it tickles'' Wooyoung continued whining.

''So... this tickles as well?'' Jiwoo smirked and leaned closer and copied what he'd done earlier, running her nose along his neck.

''Yes, but not in the same way'' He shuddered.

''And what about... this?'' She pressed a light kiss to his neck.

Wooyoung sighed. The kiss was too light for his satisfaction. He wanted her to paint his neck, much like he'd done to hers.

Jiwoo seemed to have understood the sigh as she pressed another kiss to his neck. She chuckled to herself as she could feel his arms tightening around her waist.

She only took it as encouragement.

She continued leaving kisses all over his neck, occasionally leaving a hickey. Jiwoo smirked to herself as he whined quietly.

As her lips left the boy's neck she, much like he'd done previously, smiled at her art piece.

''Damn, I should be an artist''

Jiwoo smiled as she just held Wooyoung's face in her hands, admiring the man. She ran her thumbs over his high cheekbones.

As her eyes travelled across his face they stopped on his lips. ''You really need some chaptstick'' She dug through her pocket and found one. ''Pout''

Wooyoung chuckled and did as he was told. Jiwoo held his jaw in a soft, yet firm grip, as she applied the chapstick. She finished and put the chapstick back in her bag.

''I think you need some as well'' Wooyoung mumbled before grabbing her neck and pulling her in for a real kiss.

At first shock took over her body. But as soon as the shock faded away she kissed back. None of them could help the dorky smiles that grew on their lips as they kissed.

They both had been waiting for this for almost 10 years.

Wooyoung pulled away and smiled sweetly. ''After our little camping trip I'm taking you on a real date, princess''

''That I'll hold you to''

❤️ 💬 ↗️

Liked by @j.wy_official and 2 298 749 others

@p.jw_notofficial: To quote Ara, Neck kisses from my boo are the best

@j.yh_official: We’ve been waiting for eight years! It’s about time

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ shut up! You did not!

@p.sh_official: not something I needed to see nor know…

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ well, brother dearest, feel free to block me anytime 💋💋💋

@k.hj_official: never make out in the car again! At least not when I’m around!

@j.wy_official: ^^ dude, you were sleeping as if you were dead. There’s no way in hell you knew what was going on!

@k.hj_official: ^^ doesn’t matter if I was dead! Yunho told me and now I need bleach for my brain!

@c.s_official: As Yunho said, ABOUT DAMN TIME! Now, when do we hear the wedding bells?

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ whenever Wooyoung grows a pair and proposes (and I say this simply because he makes more money than me. If I were to propose, he’d get a ring pop)

@p.sh_official: ^^ better not be anytime soon! And he better ask for permission!

@s.mg_official: whoop! Party! Finally!

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ very original comment…

@c.jh_official: Supporting as long as you don’t fuck in my bed, kiss or make out in front of me, and won’t make me babysit in the future.

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ babysit!? How far in the future are you!? I don’t even know what I’m gonna eat for lunch in a week!

@k.ys_official: when did this happen?

@j.wy_official: ^^ Hyung, you’re the most clueless person to ever walk the face of the earth… ladies and gentlemen, Kang Yeosang!

@k.ys_official: ^^ if we listened to EVERYTHING you said Wooyoung, there’d be no time for anything else

Load more comments...

❤️ 💬 ↗️

Liked by @p.jw_notofficial and 28 832 013 others

@j.wy_official: I wanted the blue one😔

Oh yeah, and we got engaged when Seonghwa was in another country :)))

@p.jw_notofficial: fuck, that means I have to change my username-

@j.wy_official: ^^ is it really that much of a chore?

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ yes… and the blue one was yummy…

@p.sh_official: WHAT!? How dare- I mean… congrats sis…

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ either be nice or you won’t be the best man

@p.sh_official: ^^ sorry…

@c.s_official: I wanna be the maid of honor!

@j.yh_official: ^^ NO! I’m better because I’m tall!

@c.s_official: ^^ people prefer dogs. Not giraffes

@j.yh_official: ^^ I only agree with the fact that you’re a dog. And btw, giraffes are amazing!

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ okay… San you’re my maid of honor… for now at least… and Yunho can be the flower girl :)

@c.jh_official: as I stated previously. I’m not a free babysitter in the future. I’ll happily take $20 a kid/hour

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ don’t you love us!? I’m gonna tell my kids you’re a mean uncle

@c.jh_official: ^^ good, then they won’t annoy me :)

@s.mg_official: I am so gonna have the most epic entrance ever seen at a wedding!

@j.wy_official: ^^ upstage me and you won’t see much of the wedding at all

@k.hj_official: congratulations! I wish you all the best! And cute babies :)))

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ first normal comment. Thank you 💋

@k.ys_official: will there be chocolate croissants?

@p.jw_notofficial: ^^ only for you Yeosang!

Load more comments...

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necros-writing-stuff · 1 year

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Eden getting virgin PC drunk, taking their virginity so they’re not so reluctant to have sex with them in future…

I'm so sorry but this did make me think Uncle Eden more than canon Eden, so imma make it Uncle Eden.

Warnings for: psuedocest, noncon somno, loss of virginity.

So like. Bailey raises you to be super innocent. Practically a prisoner in your own home. The only phone you grow up with is a flip one that doesn't even connect to the Internet. What you know about sex is from school. You weren't allowed to go out partying with the other kids.

You're so excited to be going off to uni, to finally be leaving and have the freedom to learn about the world now. But first you have to go say bye bye to Uncle Eden, all out alone in the woods.

He's always so sweet whenever he comes over, even if he's really quiet. And sometimes he'd sneak you little sips of his bourbon, scotch or whiskey (whatever dad gave him).

You're set to leave in a few days, but what's the harm in one last trip with Eden? A camp over at his place.

Every thing goes smoothly. You tell him all about how happy you are, even if you feel really nervous, too. He nods along, never much for words anyways. Sometimes he does grumble questions, or sneer when you mention having to apply for things online (or even needing to register for an ID for the library).

The fish you catch together cooks wonderfully with the herbs you foraged. Eden opens up some alcohol he'd been gifted, sharing it between the two of you. Your first real drink, not just a sip.

It really isn't long before you're tipsy. Leaning against Eden as he talks about a strange new trail that had formed along a part of the forest most humans wouldn't go, about how he worried his home might be stumbled upon.

Trying to comfort him, you go in for a hug, kissing his cheek. He seems shocked for just a second, blinking the expression away as you tell him he'd be able to scare anyone who dared tried to hurt him away. He returned your kiss, but his lips landed very close to your own. Just at the little corner. But you must have moved, thrown off his aim.

You keep drinking, safe and comfy next to the fire, until your vision begins blinking in and out. No matter, Uncle Eden picks you up and brings you to bed. Snuggling with him seems amazing, he's so big and warm.

And it is. For a few minutes. Until you feel like you're being tickled. Whatever it is that makes you feel that way, you can't be sure, but it's almost scratchy, like a stubbly beard, making its way down your neck. Nuzzling against the skin of your tummy, your exposed thighs. Where did your clothes go?

Confusion builds, fear not far behind. The adrenaline begins to flow, some clarity coming with it for just a short burst. Uncle Eden sits on his haunches, crowding over your body. You're both naked, you laid on your back, legs pulled open. Something is thrown, landing on the floor with a thud before a slick finger presses against your hole.

That's all you get before the peak fades, and your memories with it.

Eden remembers it all, though. Remembers how he took his time. How he was gentle, how he used lube and makes sure to work you open. To make you relaxed so that you'd feel good.

You were so tight. Your insides were warm, had sucked his cock in like it belonged there. It did belong there, and you belonged here with him, not off in some city with cocaine-snorting roommates that would ruin all that you are.

Even something as simple as kissing your lips, as unresponsive as they were in this moment, was heaven for him. When you'd kissed his cheek earlier he'd wanted nothing more than to just take you then. But he had to have patience. You... you weren't ready. He saw the confusion when he almost kissed you properly.

Eden finishes inside, satisfaction welling up in his chest as he flopped onto what would now be his side of the bed. Because the other side was yours. And he'd be able to wake up every day and feel you right there next to him.

Leaning over, Eden brought the chain and collar out from under the bed where he'd hidden them.

You'd be there. Every day.

#spill your guts #anonymous #eden the hunter #'nw psuedocest'#'nw drinking'#'nw grapefruit'#gn reader #'nw somno'#'nw loss of innocence'

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cevansbrat0007 · 1 year

Note

*clears throat and offers double chocolate chip cookies to GP Reader* Hello Mrs. Barber, I hope I am not being too forward in asking you these questions like I asked your dear husband last week. What are your favorite parts of your smokeshow husband's body and personality? And do you have any dating & relationship advice for this very introverted but very romance obsessed woman? Thank you so much for your time, you are like the cool aunties I've missed hanging out with.

Summary: It's Baby Girl's turn (also known as Mrs. Barber) to answer a few burning questions about her relationship with her husband, the infamous Andrew Barber. Written from Reader's POV.

Warnings: Mature Themes, Girl!Dad Andy Barber, Discussions of Fatherhood, Mentions of Oral Sex (Man Rec), Fingering (mentioned), Lloyd Evans-Drysdale, Punishments (mentioned), Spanking (mentioned), Fluff, Cursing, Minors DNI.

A/N: This installment of the A Growing Pains Interview Series also contains a brief reference to my fic, Handsy, where I first introduce Mr. Lloyd Evans-Drysdale. For more insight into Andrew Barber and his Baby Girl, please check out my ongoing Growing Pains Series. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. ___

Hello! Finally, a question for me! I’m super excited, let me tell you. I believe we already know the ground rules with this…and I’ve sent Mr. Barber out of the room so we can all chat freely. I’ll show him this later. Maybe it’ll even earn me a reward. This girl right here has been on her best behavior this past week, which means no punishments!

You even have my promise to keep the hot streak going. Scouts honor, folks.

Let me start by saying that I love my sweet Andy Bear, and I am so unbelievably proud to call him my husband. He is by far the most amazing and brilliant man I’ve ever met. He’s also quite the menace, and I say that with all of the love. Whether we’re talking about his body or his mind, Andrew Barber is a fucking force, you guys.

But at the end of the day, my man is foine as hell. Andrew is a luscious piece of ass wrapped in one big, well-proportioned package. And speaking of asses, have you seen his? You could bounce a quarter off that butt.

Quick fun fact: I tried it. It worked. So then I kept doing it. I even made a game of it which actually took up the entire day.

Although, the kids kept asking why Mama was “throwing money” at Daddy. So, I just made up some story about Daddy being forgetful and leaving his coins around the house, which meant that I had to try to put it back in his pocket for him.

But I had to be careful, because I didn’t want him to feel bad about being so darn forgetful. Worked like a dream. I mean, our beautiful Barber Babies bought that tale hook, line, and sinker. Even BiBi! She seemed suspicious, but then I caught her offering Andy one of her little wallets just in case he needed it.

He was so touched by her gesture that he did eventually accept it. And then went out and bought her another one, complete with a matching piggy bank. Well, it was more of a llama bank – which also happens to be her favorite animal. Where he found it, I have no idea.

Can I just deviate from the physical for a second to talk about what a wonderful father this man is? It’s not always about the big, grand gestures with us. In reality, it’s about the small, more intimate moments. Yes, our house is chaotic at times. We have four children under nine-years-old, so chaos kind of comes with the territory.

And he handles it spectacularly – even when he fucks up. Now that might sound a bit harsh, but if I’ve learned anything from this whole parenting gig, it’s that you will fuck up sometimes. And we both do it, but he’s a wonderful partner who strives to be the best Dad he can possibly be.

I love watching him with our children. He’s so protective and encouraging. He reads to them every night, takes them on “camping trips” in the backyard, and coaches pretty much every sport they’re involved in. I don’t quite get the whole camping business – I don’t do nature, or bugs – but apparently the kids do.

And they love that stuff. We don’t stay out all night, but we set up tents and tell stories and enjoy campfire snacks. Everyone stays up well past bedtime and my sweet little A.J., who takes after his father in so many ways, keeps me safe from “dah buggies” by sitting in my lap. See, Andy told him that bugs scared me, so it was up to them to keep me safe. Which is exactly what he does.

Lord, help me when he grows up. I don’t know if I have it in me to live with two Andrew Barbers. But I guess I’ll just have to keep them, won’t I?

Oh! And in case you didn’t already know, Andy is also amazing company at tea parties. Katrina and Rory threw one the other day. They had me deliver a special, handmade invitation and everything. He picked out a suit, brought cookies from the local bakery, and even sat in a chair that was much too small for his bulky frame to be comfortable.

But he did it all for his girls without so much as a fuss.

I snuck a peek and nearly melted on the spot. And when we finally got a moment to ourselves, you can be damn sure that I got down on my knees with the quickness and sucked the soul out of my Big Man’s body.

He didn’t fully understand why until I explained it to him later, but he also wasn’t complaining either. That man is the most delicious mouthful you could ever imagine. Mr. Barber is, eh, very well endowed. But I’ve also had ages to refine my technique.

And he is always more than willing to let me practice. It’s actually very kind of him. That man has the patience of a saint – unless I’m deepthroating him. But otherwise his stamina is pretty top notch.

That aside, Andrew Barber is so completely and utterly devoted to me and this amazing little family we’ve built together that sometimes I get overwhelmed just thinking about it. I’ve never been loved so thoroughly or so deeply before.

If I’m being honest, and I am, it actually used to scare me. And sometimes it still does if I let it. But I also accept my handsome ogre for who he is – the same way he accepts me for who and what I am.

Meaning that I’m a fucking brat, which I am through and through. It’s not my fault. My husband brings it out of me even when I least expect it. It might have something to do with that cocky grin of his, or that arrogant swagger he walks around with from time to time.

It makes me want to wreak havoc in new and inventive ways on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Andy knows this, of course. He claims he knew I was a brat from our very first date. I still have no idea what he means by that, so whatever. I just let him think what he wants.

But we have fun together. And the things we do, the games we play…

It keeps things spicy. I guess you could say that it’s really Andy’s mind that turns me on. Couple that with his dominant and possessive nature and hot damn! Sometimes it can be a bit much to manage, but this girl doesn’t mind being slung over an impressive man’s broad shoulder every now and again.

I enjoy being manhandled. If it’s with the right man, that is. And Andrew Barber is definitely more than enough man for me.

Anyway, I think that’s all I’ve got for now. As for your question about advice…hm. I would encourage you to just be yourself.

But also, and I know this is much easier said than done, try to make yourself step outside your comfort zone. I’m saying go crazy or anything, but it might be worth taking a small risk here and there. Occasionally it’s okay to make the first move – even if you find that idea terrifying.

With Andrew…I made the first move. Of course he tells it differently, and yes he may have seen me first, but I made the first move. Which was something that I had never done before. And I was so unbelievably nervous. At the time I found it so strange to be drawn to a person like that, especially with someone who possesses such an intimidating aura.

But being just a little brave is ultimately what led me to the love of my life. Don’t get me wrong. My palms were sweaty and my legs felt kind of like jello, but I just felt like I had to try.

And to this day, I’m so glad that I did. Because it means that I get to live my own love story. And while it’s not all a bed of roses, because we do have our problems, I do firmly believe that I’ve found my other half. And it’s because we continue to take a chance on one another and the bond that we’ve built every single day.

Whatever you believe in, things happen for a reason. And when you find your person, you’ll know. They will accept you for who you are and will work hard to love you the way you need to be loved.

Just take a deep breath and have a little faith. Take a chance. Take a risk. But don’t settle for anybody, man or woman, who refuses to see your worth, girlfriend. You’re much too special for that.

Signing off with love – Mrs. Barber

P.S. I’ll be your cool Aunty all day long, boo! I’m always here if you need something or if you have more questions. Andy Bear and I screen these things together, but nothing is really off limits with us. And I will always happily take advantage of any opportunity to gush about the love of my life. Even if he is a menace.

P.S.S. I also forgot to mention that I love Andy’s hands. You know in romance novels where they write about the hero having perfect hands with long, nimble fingers sporting just the right amount of callousness? That’s him. And not only that, but my Big Man’s fingers are absolute magic. Or instruments of torture. Depends on the day, really.

By the way, my husband has the most delightfully one-sided rivalry with my favorite Hollywood actor, Lloyd Evans-Drysdale. It’s so funny! But the other day, I pulled up this interview where Lloyd cracked this eyebrow-raising joke about “all of his fingering being accurate” and watched it in bed right next to Andy. And then I may or may not have made some comment about how some men ought to be more like him [Lloyd Evans-Drysdale] and maybe take some notes.

My husband didn’t like that. I got in sooo much trouble for it too. I mean, if you consider being held down, spanked, and then fucked within an inch of my life trouble.

Completely worth it.

And in case you’re wondering, the answer is yes. All of Andy’s fingering is incredibly accurate in its own right. Even more so than Lloyd’s. And this girl has had more than enough orgasms to back him up.

Also, Andy would probably also like me to mention that he is, in fact, taller than my movie star crush. And that he’s never had to wear a lace-front wig because his hairline isn’t receding. My sweet man can be a bit of a mental patient, but I do love him...

So, I guess I'll just have to put up with it. For now. Thank goodness he's cute.

___

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1moreoffkeyanthem · 7 months

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Ok I did a post on my headcanons for OrangeJuiceVerse Stan not too long ago, and uhhhhh it’s Kyle’s turn.

• This mf has a whole complex about needing to “save” everyone around him, his whole life, and his partner receives the height of that. Kenny also got the brunt of it for a time, and Kyle considered himself and Stan to be their friend’s surrogate parents. He still worries, even though Kenny is a self made man later.

• on a similar note, Kyle is particularly protective of those he cares for, but not really himself. Once, in middle school, Cartman thought he was being funny and called Stan a “washed up alcoholic just like his father” and Kyle FUCKING DECKED HIM. It took half the schoolyard to break them up, and landed him in anger management counseling for a hot minute. That incident was also what triggered Cartman to work on himself a little, and Kyle will always be proud of that.

• For a while, Kyle was EXTREMELY pissed that he never grew taller than 5’7, and was the smallest on the basketball team until the one season Kenny joined, and he actually resented Sheila for giving him “short angry ginger genes” but he doesn’t mind so much when he grows up. He is still terrified of being perceived as weak, though.

•that whole thing gets worse whenever he has a bad leg day, and he deflects onto those around him harder than ever when he’s feeling vulnerable. He’s pretty guarded by nature, and hates needing help sometimes.

•the guy has ocd. It shows itself more when he’s stressed.

•IS NOT a fan of the outdoors, but puts up with hikes and camping trips for Stan’s sake.

•if you ask what his biggest fear is, he’ll usually say something along the lines of “not leaving an impact on the world”. OJV Kyle needs to be needed, and genuinely tries to be a positive influence. (Btw if u ask Stan the same question, he says “losing Kyle”) fuck.

•Kyle is THE number one hypeman for his friends, and especially his partner, and he can talk up a storm about any of them. He’s just so proud of everyone in his life, and gets way too worked up.

•he tends to overthink everything, particularly back in high school, with his relationship with Stan. However, he did make the first move, newly confident and smitten after his super best friend was so supportive and sweet during his eating disorder treatment. He asked if he could kiss him, Stan said yes, they kissed, Stan said “thanks, dude”, burst into tears, and then Kyle laughed as he held him. The moment was mentioned in their wedding speeches, and Stan cried again. Kyle holds that kiss close to his heart forever.

•Kyle HATES when people shut him out, because how is he supposed to be there for them otherwise? He gets scared every time Stan goes through a Sad Sack episode, because he can’t lose him either.

•diabetic Kyle frfr, and after the ed, he got a dexcom. Cartman called him a “jewbot”, and that was the last time Kyle kicked his ass. He does like not having to inject his insulin himself, but hates the constant reminder on his body that he’s stuck with a condition he can’t get rid of.

•Stan and Kenny participated in blood drives whenever they could as teenagers and in college, and while Kyle couldn’t for obvious reasons, he was there to drive them to and from, make sure they ate, and to make way too big a deal about it. The two of them, and even Cartman, donated in his name senior year, just so he could still get a red cord for graduation. He cried in public, and felt embarrassed.

•NEVER considered himself to be that much of an animal person, but when Stan came home with a little brown cat he’d already dubbed “Moose” for the sake of being funny, Kyle fell in love. He likes having something to take care of that won’t object to his overbearingness.

•he loves to play video games but DESPISES anything puzzle based. As smart as he is, he gets frustrated easily and happily lets Stan take over anything that doesn’t have explicit instructions.

•speaking of instructions, he’s a great cook and picked up a love of it growing up. His mother taught him all she knows, and the precise nature of baking in particular calms him.

•his love language is ABSOLUTELY words of affirmation, and he has that in common with Tweek. Stan can be incredibly oblivious sometimes, and Kyle’s had more than a few breakdowns over the years about having to ask to be told he’s doing a good job, that he’s a worthwhile person, and his heart breaks every time Stan gets apologetic over not validating him enough. He was unbelievably giddy that Stan said “I love you” first.

•Kyle didn’t think he’d like pet names, but being called “baby”, and “darling” make him melt. “Dude” is also something that gained a romantic meaning, and holy shit he goes wild for Stan calling him “my love” in elvish. They love roleplaying, especially Stan’s nerd ass, but Kyle is competitive about not being the first to break character. Usually all it takes is Kyle being tender with his “knight” for Stan to lose it, and it’s hilarious.

•he pretends to hate the dumbass puns Stan makes whenever something needs fixing around the house, but the toolbelt, rolled up sleeves, and yes, the jokes about “drilling” get him hot and bothered. Not quite as much as the elf king/ knight roleplay, but STILL.

•they’re both incredibly loud during sex. Their first time was awkward and took hours to figure out, and Mister Brightside was playing once they got the hang of it. He also loves that Stan let’s him take the lead when it comes to intimacy, never wanting to let Kyle feel at the mercy of a bigger man unless he explicitly asks for it. They check in with each other constantly and it’s very sweet. Moose is not allowed in the room until they’re both dressed again.

•Kyle runs hot when he sleeps but doesn’t like to walk around shirtless. He runs hot in general, really, which is why Kenny and Stan clung to him all the time growing up in the snow. Will not turn the heat on in his car unless it’s truly below freezing.

•so. The orange juice thing. The Kyle Matthew Broflovski Special came into existence because even though he CONSISTENTLY denies it, he’s rather picky and prone to nostalgia. His favorite cup is cracked and faded, but the Terrance and Phillip on the side are still clear as day in his heart. He claims that nothing gets his blood sugar up when it’s too low like orange juice with seven ice cubes and a pinch of salt, other than the sweet kiss from Stan he receives along with it.

•started off in premed in college, but his first psychology class had him hooked. Any way he can help other people, he’s there.

•quit the basketball team senior year of hs for a few reasons. He was nose to the grindstone academically, wasn’t the player he used to be prior to fucking up half the tendons in his knee, and though he’d never tell him, the main reason he quit when he did was in solidarity with Stan. Because Stan broke his throwing arm early into his last ever football season, and Kyle wasn’t about to let him miss out on sports alone. He was always a little jealous about how well his boyfriend healed from that, but the pair had always been that way. Stan bounced back where Kyle didn’t, and vice versa.

•after that first AA meeting he attended with Stan, he didn’t drink for a long time. Partly out of support (and fear) but partly because he didn’t know if that was allowed and he didn’t want to ask. It wasn’t until Kenny and Marj’s wedding a few months later, when Kenny apologized profusely for not thinking about the open bar being a potential trigger, and Stan assuring him that it was fine, that he wasn’t upset and wouldn’t care if others around him drank, that Kyle had a few glasses of wine. He then proceeded to let the love of his life fuck him over the hotel counter, twist his bad knee in his tipsy carelessness, and allow his knight in shining armor to carry him to the truck the next morning. They both found it funny, Kyle letting go in celebration like he had, but their own wedding was strictly dry. Randy was kicked out by an angry Kyle halfway through the reception for daring to bring a flask. Craig and Kyle have outstanding bistro meetups when their husbands are at AA. they don’t order more than a few drinks.

• People tend to cry a lot around him, but he likes being their safe space. With the kids at the school where he works, and with his friends and husband.

•Kyle came out as gay in 8th grade, first to Stan, then to his mom, and then to the rest of the people in his life. No one was even a little surprised, but he didn’t care. Kenny was already out as pan, Marj following shortly after with accepting that she was actually a girl, and Stan had admitted that he wasn’t particularly straight shortly before confessing his feelings to Kyle. Wendy knew before him, which Kyle was only a little offended by.

•he acts like he hates being told he’s attractive, but is actually really insecure and slightly vain about his appearance. That wasn’t the reason behind the high school ed, even though some people (Cartman) thought it was. General feelings of inferiority, overcompensation; Kyle’s all to familiar with the lingo.

•OLDEST. DAUGHTER. COMPLEX. Kyle’s not a daughter, but the baggage of that mindset with him is wild.

•stress cleans. Stan can usually get him to calm down, but he’s the only one who can.

•his relationship with Cartman changed dramatically as they grew up, and his longtime frenemy had his own way of caring by the time they all were teenagers. He was still blunt and crass, an asshole, but maintained that HE was the only one allowed to rip on the guys. Kyle actually stopped calling him “fatass” for a while after outpatient, until Cartman complained about him being an “overly sensitive little anorexic bitch now” and that “he wasn’t a snowflake like that”. That exchange was what told him that Cartman was just as reluctant for anything to change as he was.

•he’s really close with Wendy and Bebe, Tolkien, Clyde, everyone from their class really. His original friend group, now with the addition of Craig and Tweek, will always be the closest.

•Kyle was the one who suggested the apartment complex that he and Stan moved to after college. The older couples who lived there were more than happy to meet some “young folks”, and they all do fireworks and a parking lot party on holidays. Stan mans the grill unless Kenny drives down to join, and wears Kyle’s stupid Star of David apron. It’s hot, and he definitely gets rewarded for it after the celebrations die down.

•Kyle still doesn’t keep kosher, because he doesn’t like to stare at ingredients and nutrition information on packaging, which Stan refers to as “the food lore”. If something might be iffy for him as a diabetic, whoever he’s with checks, and only tells him enough to know if he’s going to need to compensate medically. He started attending synagogue more often after Stan started his sobriety journey, and definitely maintains his faith. It’s comforting to believe in a higher power, even if that means relenting some control.

•the “Style Wedding” is an odd mix of traditional and non traditional things, naturally, but Kyle wears a yarmulke with his elf king crown and smashes the glass after vows. They cut the cake with a sword from the scabbard Stan wore with his suit, and The Reins of Castamere is strictly forbidden from the dj station. Kyle sometimes wishes they would’ve splurged for New Zealand for the honeymoon, but they wanted to take that particular trip when they were older.

• Kyle gets oddly close with Shelley over the years, and doesn’t complain that she calls him “turdling”. It’s nice to have an older sibling, and they truly argue like siblings.

•speaking of, Ike and Stan RELISH in being obnoxious on rp games. Kyle will wake up for water at 3 am to hear Stan in the office talking in a ridiculous accent and wander in to watch him wreak havoc on an innocent gta server as “Mattress Mike” or something. It’s really cute how into roleplay his husband can get, especially teamed up with his nuisance of a little brother.

•Kyle thinks he’s a good driver, but the road rage is terrifying. He’s a fantastic passenger princess, though.

•he can out argue everyone on this planet excluding his mother, and WILL. He’s not very big or intimidating, but he’s scarily smart and goes for the throat. When he and Stan fight, it’s incredibly petty and doesn’t last long, but they know each other too well not to know how to cut deep. Kyle regrets his part in any conflict every time.

• At his core, Kyle cares too much about everything. Is that a bad thing? Sometimes. But more often than not, it’s something he likes about himself.

This is so many hcs I’m sorry lmao but just… KYLE

and here’s the link to OrangeJuiceVerse if anyone’s down, it’s my favorite ongoing au that I’ve come up with

#south park #fandom #sp fanfiction #style au #ao3 shit #my shit #headcanons #help i love kyle #i had to #this is so much #but like style #I’m such a Kyle gremlin #ramblings #PastorCraigEnjoyer #series #OrangeJuiceVerse #totally not even sorry #this is so long

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catreginae · 2 years

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Thou Shalt Not Fall: The Bad Mint

Warriors discovers the worst possible candy to suck on.

Holy fuck, Tumblr sucks sometimes. All I want to do is format and this is my fifth time trying to get that work.

Anyway, this is for @silverdragonms who asked for some more Four and Wars interactions. I'm super congested so I hope this makes sense.

Four didn't mean to start a game, but at least it was entertaining.

With Legend out cold with a cold and in no condition to travel, they were left camping in some forest in what they figured was an era in between heroes. In the very least, nobody claimed it yet. Four thought it looked kind of like the Minish Forest but he couldn't feel any of the magic he usually felt when he was in the forest. There was some kind of magic, and his mind was racing trying to figure what it felt like, but he knew that it wasn't the minish magic that he found so soothing. The more active members of the party sat away from the rest of the group, still in sight so everybody knew where they were but they wouldn't wake up Legend with their chattering.

Four was surprised that their resident vampire didn't take the chance to take a go take a nap with Legend and Sky. He was usually took any day off to catch up on some sleep but today, Warriors was actually with them, pulling equipment out his bag to inspect as he listened to them chatter. He would smile at their words and sometimes, he contributed to the conversation, but he seemed mostly satisfied with just soaking in the company while he kept his hands busy. He pulled out some leather belt and he let out a surprised chuckle.

“What?” Wild asked, looking in his direction.

Warriors held up his belt, where there were two circular holes punched through it in two different spots. He could kind of see where the excess material ended up getting bunched up around the edge of the circles. “I might have decided to bite a leather belt instead of telling anybody I was so hungry that it made my mouth hurt.”

“Oh, when we were on the ship?” Wind asked.

Four raised an eyebrow. He didn't know anything about Warriors having problems the last time they were on they were on the ship. He supposed it made sense though. He did spend a great deal of the trip in his hammock until Wind yelled-whispered with Hyrule and Time, and then he started coming out more. If he was hungry, it made sense to avoid everybody.

His mind itched at the thought but he filed that away for later. He would find a moment to split later and talk about all the secret keeping then. Stay on the same page, stay in the present.

Warriors nodded. “I tried to keep myself distracted. On the first day, I just ended up biting down this belt and laying in that hammock all day. It worked for a bit since my fangs were doing something, but that didn't last too long.”

“Can I see that?” Four asked. Warriors threw it to him. Looking at the belt closely, it was obvious that the circles were bite marks but he was more impressed by the fact that he could overlap the two spots were the circles appeared and actually see the groove Warriors' fangs left behind. The layer of belt on top had wider bite marks than the bottom layer, which had small exit holes where only the tips of his fangs cleared it.

He never thought about how strong Warriors' teeth had to be for him to be able to actually weaponize them. Four knew they were sharp to make such clean wounds when he did bite people, but seeing as it wasn't particularly difficult to pierce skin, he didn't think much of how strong his fangs – and by extension, his jaws – could actually be.

Part of him was almost giddy with the new information about vampires, but he reigned it in. A little bit.

“What else can you bite through?” Four asked as he threw the belt back.

And that was how Warriors end up biting through whatever odd materials Wild had in the slate. Wood, varying types of rocks, different kinds of plants and fruits, and even some monster parts that Warriors didn't seem to hate. Once Wild was bored of making Warriors eat rocks and slimy things, he took out one of his scavenged swords and presented it to Warriors. Four didn't need to hold the sword to know it was no good. Sometimes, Wild was lucky and he picked one up that could last him a while, but that was not one of those swords. It was probably a sad looking blade in the hands of its previous owner, whatever that was, and it didn't stand a chance in Wild's hands.

And apparently, it didn't stand a chance between Warriors' teeth.

It shattered the second Warriors applied any force. He was still holding the handle but the end of it fell into his lap and the parts closest to his mouth went flying, some bits even flying into his face. All things considered, he was lucky he didn't get hit in the eye. The captain dropped the handle to feel the cuts on his face, frowning in confusion as he did so.

“Damn, Wild, how shitty was that sword?” Wind asked.

Wild shook his head. “I had it for months. Not even I used it.”

“Good enough to cut my face,” Warriors mumbled, though Four noticed that something a little odd with the delivery. His words were strangely clipped but he didn't linger on it for long. He was more distracted by Warriors' eyes turning blue again, effectively putting an end to the little game.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Did that sword do something to your mouth?” Four asked, a whole two hours later.

It was nearing lunch time, so they regrouped around Wild. Legend was awake at this point but he was utterly miserable, so everybody silently agreed to give him some room. There wasn't much that could be done for him anyway, aside from giving him some herbal teas that would hopefully easy some his symptoms and letting him rest when he did fall asleep.

Warriors was noticeably quieter than usual but his cheeks were moving a lot too. When he did speak, it was in that strange clipped mumbling he was doing earlier. He wasn't entirely sure why Warriors garnered so much of his attention but when he noticed it, he couldn't stop noticing it. He supposed it was because part of him just cared a lot and another part of him was more than a little interested in the whole vampirism thing.

The captain looked at him, frowned, then looked away. “No.”

“Very convincing,” Four muttered.

“It's true,” he mumbled again. “It's, um, something else.”

Warriors avoided his gaze, and then suddenly, he stuck his fingers into his mouth and pulled something out. It was a small and grey, strangely angular in shape.

“Is that a piece of the sword?” Four asked. It might have been a shitty sword but the edges that broke off could still be sharp. It wouldn't be hard for Warriors to cut the inside of his mouth on accident in the two or so hours he must have had it. Maybe he ended the game earlier because he somehow ended up with a piece of it in his mouth and simply decided he preferred that to the unrefined rocks Wild was getting him to bite.

“It's tasty.”

And suddenly, everything made sense. Warriors liked the taste the blood – he had to like it if it was the staple of his diet – and well, Four split his lip enough times to know what blood tasted like. It was a pretty harmless way for him to get enjoy the taste of blood without actually having to consume any, and well, Warriors deserved to have something like that. Four resolved to make him something that would serve the same purpose once he got to his forage that wouldn't cut his mouth but for the time being, he had a replacement.

“Drop that,” Four said as he stood to get to his bag.

The last time they were able to go to a blacksmith, he bought handfuls of small metal loops in case anybody needed parts of their chain mail replaced since the portals had yet to take him anywhere close to his forge. He didn't get to use them for their intended purpose yet but Four knew that one day, he would need to, so he made sure to keep them in their own little pouch in his bag for when that day came.

He plopped down beside Warriors with the few that he pulled and stuffed them into his hand.

“They're made of wrought iron. Assuming you like the taste, I have plenty. Should be better than a piece of sword. ”

Warriors raised an eyebrow as he looked between Four and the small metal loops in his hands.

“You like the piece of sword because the metal tastes like blood, right? Try something that doesn't have a sharp edge then.”

The captain gave him one last wary look, like he expected Four to change his mind and take the metal loops back, before he popped one of them into his mouth. For a moment, he was quiet. Then, he nodded.

“It tastes good too,” he said, without the mumbling this time. The loops didn't seem to interfere with his ability to speak as much either, which Four considered a win in his book. Or Vio's book. It was more like Vio's book. He would be the only one to write any of it down. “Can you keep this between us?”

“Sure, but it's not that big of a deal, you know. Wild passes out those honey candies all the time for that same purpose. It's not filling at all, it just tastes good.”

“But it's candy, not a piece of sword.”

“You drink blood and eat raw meat sometimes. Your definition of 'edible' isn't exactly the same as a normal person's definition of 'edible', just like how Wild's definition of 'edible' is you know... unlike anybody else's definition sometimes.”

Four stopped. Where was he going with this again? He took a deep breath.

“I guess, you just let the idea of normal get to your head sometimes. We're anything but normal. The best we can do is do what's normal for us, whatever that is.”

Warriors hummed to himself. “I guess you have a point.”

“You guess?” Four asked as punched Warriors in the arm. “Give me more credit than that.”

“Fine, fine. You can have my tactician job since you're so insightful,” Warriors said with a grin, the metal loops flashing between his teeth.

“No, no, no. I'm not that kind of insightful.”

“Suit yourself.”

#catreginae: thou shalt not fall #linked universe #lu warriors #lu four #my writing #linked universe fanfic

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notcolleen · 2 years

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good morning this post is …not abt my eating disorder 😮

(it’s a coworker rant lol) (it got …..long 👀) (i started early this morning and am now finishing hrs later without changing times so sorry if some things don’t add up time wise) (not that ppl other than myself would know? but tumblr anons have me paranoid that everyone thinks im lying abt every little thing lmao)

[[MORE]]

anyway this has been a pretty solo trip for me, but im technically here with another woman from nj as well, whom i actually met last year working this same camp so we knew each other and have now spent over 3 weeks together total, not super long in the grand scheme of life but long enough to say we know each other

and i don’t dislike her at all, but this week it became a lot more clear that we are really different ppl, both professionally and just in life lol

and i kinda like that despite working at the same job/staying in the same hotel, we both quietly acknowledged that it could end there and we didn’t have to do things off the clock together. i didn’t see her at all outside of our work hours lol and that was fine.

but during work, she sat on her phone at a table away from the kids, and when she did need to “engage” with them, it was yelling. i heard her say “what is wrong with you??” or “why are you crying?” to 6 year olds too many times this week (1 time is too many times, 4 is ??? like why are you working in childcare) — and that is just what i heard, she ‘opened’ and i ‘closed’ so there were two hours each day where we were on our own and i dread thinking of how she spoke to them then 👀

on that note, she was supposed to clock in at 7am — get things set up, plan out the day a little, whatever. but every morning we would have an awkward moment where i would see her sitting in the hotel lobby eating breakfast as the time crept past 7 and she would still have to factor in the uber there and all i could think was what if i kid came early or if her uber didn’t get her there by 7:30 (when kids could arrive)??

but i would try to just drink my coffee and pretend i wasn’t aware of the time lol and i know she was annoyed that she had to wake up to open (bc she certainly lmk that) but i had to stay until the last kid got picked up (and parents were not always the most punctual coming from work ☠️) and then clean up so i was there until after my scheduled time each day, there were no early days that she kept telling me to ✨enjoy (also we are getting paid?? that’s why we’re here??)

but we are in the same role here — i am not her supervisor, i didnt feel comfortable correcting or redirecting her, i can’t give her training on how to speak to kids

….still, in the end, i did feel like i put a lot more work bc kids are smart and intuitive and are gonna go to whom they feel comfortable with — so even if i was trying to put stuff away or talk to a parent or whatever….even with her right there in front of them….they would ask/find me.

(i will say, it says something that by the end of the week they finally had learned my name and still didn’t even seem to know she was working there with me lol, or she was “the other teacher” ……like i don’t think im good at much, but i do know im good at interacting with / treating kids with the respect they deserve)

anyway i had started this post mostly to say that it’s also very telling that she clocked out of our last shift saying “ill see you when i see you” even though we took the same flight here, i booked our uber from the airport to the hotel together, and we have the same flight back — but just based on our endings vibes, i didn’t reach out to see if she wanted to share an uber there this morning**

i think she’s also upset with me bc we were both offered the opportunity to travel again with the company after this — and both told that it would be “either oklahoma or texas” — and both definitely preferred texas over oklahoma — and i made the mistake of telling her i emailed one of the higher ups voicing my discomfort with OK (mostly just thinking out loud before i sent the email) and even though i received this (wonderfully validating 👀) reply back:

it ended up that i was chosen to go to TX and she will be going to OK and i feel like she assumes the email played a role / that i used my discomfort as leverage. idk, i should have just waited it out but i was anxious abt it and when im anxious i tend to ramble/voice my inner dialogue and that’s what happened — it also lead to me basically coming out to her (if she hadn’t already figured that one out ☠️) and even before the decisions were made re: locations but after that, i felt a shift in our dynamic and overall it was just a mess after that day lol

**and now when i arrived at the airport, it turns out our original flight was delayed so much that we had to reschedule to guarantee making the connection……but she hadn’t checked in yet so idk what’s happening with hers……all i know is that our boss booked our flights so it’s all linked together and it wouldn’t show my boarding pass, only hers, so it kept trying to check her in when i just wanted it to register my boarding pass for pdx—>ord—->ewr instead of pdx—>den—>ewr and i was so anxious i was gonna miss my flight and so proud of myself for not crying when a very nice woman helped me out ……but then! 😔 i did cry bc when i mobile ordered a pumpkin load from starbucks…..waited 20 minutes for it…..told myself i could keep waiting bc i have done my time as a barista and know how annoying customers are……waited another 10 but then saw my ticket behind the screen so knew it had gotten lost in the shuffle and i would actually literally miss my flight if i didn’t ask the barista…..only to be told they were out, but would i be okay with a lemon loaf instead?…….no 🥴 not really 🥴 but am i anxious bc food still want to scratch my skin off when it’s not exactly what i want it to be? 🥴 yes 🥴

so i have to say that’s fine ! thank you so much ! have a good day ! 😌

anyway that’s when i took my lemon loaf and cried on the way to my plane

and here i sit

winning the secret competition for longest tumblr posts abt the most mundane things ever 😌 cya

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ideks-on-mars · 2 years

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AFTER THE SPICY REONSEMISHIRA HCS MY MIND HIT A WALL BUT LUCKILY WE GOT @loganboba SO THANK YOU LOG LMFAO

ANYWAYS REONSEMISHIRA BEACH DAY HCS FOR SUMMER LETS FUCKING GO

- Now idk if yall have SEEN Shirabu but the mf just looks like he needs to go outside.

- He looks like the most he goes outside is to walk from the dorm rooms to the gym, if he even has to do that. (Do you guys REMEMBER how luxurious that school looked?? They had a fucking hallway that went from one building to another, IN THE AIR, AND IT WAS JUST A SCHOOL! Maybe I'm the one that needs to get out more.)

- Reon most definitely is a beach bum. He's like the moms who just sit on the chairs the whole time saying "Oh you go on in the water, I'll join in a bit", and he's said that 5 times in the last hour and a half.

- Semi has the mental capacity of a 5 year old as soon as his feet hit the sand. (Not that it's too much better when he's off of it)

- Reon drives, Shirabu sulks in the backseat, and Semi is blaring the radio. Shirabu was this 🤏 close to taking the laces off his shoes and using it to strangle him.

- Reon would reach back to rub at Kenjirō's leg from time to time just to keep him calm 😭

- When they finally get there, Semi, Mr tough guy, Eita decided that he would do the heavy lifting. And by heavy lifting he offered to carry the big ass cooler through the sand. Which is a lot harder than some may think.

- Shirabu looks like the type to wear some expensive ass, brand name sunglasses.

- Reon has the honor of rubbing his boyfriends down with sunscreen. Shirabu and Semi fight for who gets Reon. They then continue on to make it a competition on who can rub down Reon the fastest. Reon's already exhausted and they just got there.

- Once they finally settle in their spot, they've only got one problem left.

- The eyes on them 👀

- Semi and Reon are (super) attractive dudes. So is Shirabu but he's chilling in swimming trunks and a rash guard. (Which is pretty hot ngl, the short tight sleeves that show off him arm and shoulder muscles and how it rides just a tiny bit up his neck PHEW 🥴😩) but then there are Semi and Reon who are wearing swimming trunks and nothing else. Just them, the swimming trunks, and their rippling abs.

- Good thing they have their gremlin boyfriend to fend their admirers off.

- It's ok tho, cuz they gotta fend off the people who Shirabu is too distracted to notice staring at HIM. (Aka ME)

- Ok you will find this hc in the very DEPTHS of this account but SemiSemi was born in Hawaii, raised in Alabama. So he's an American ass country boy but he can ride a wave too. THE MF CAN SURF

- AND MY GOD DOES HE LOOK GOOD WHILE HE DOES IT

- Semi lowkey reminds me of Tom Cruise in the first 'Top Gun' idk why

- Anyway it definitely has Shirabu and Reon foaming at the mouth

- Now it's my turn to thirst over Reon 🥴

- When I tell you this man has the most BEAUTIFUL COMPLEXION

- You know those slow motion moments in the movies where the hot character turns around and the sunlight just bounces off their face PERFECTLY?

- YEAH THAT'S REON CUZ HIS SKIN IS JUST SO GORGEOUS

- They honestly all have such pretty undertones when it comes to their skin. Kenjirō's got this pinkish-red undertone, Semi's got a golden orange and Reon has this brighter orange type of one.

- THEY JUST WORK IT SO WELL

- Semi is desperate to drag both his boyfriends in the water at least ONCE during the trip.

- They both know how to swim. Shirabu's actually a really good swimmer.

- But Shirabu, local rich kid, probably grew up swimming in indoor pools and stuff

- Reon looks like he grew up going to camp grounds so he's probably swam in lakes and stuff.

- Semi just thinks he's straight out of H2O

- "Come ON Kenji, it's just some water" "YEAH, REALLY DISGUSTING WATER!"

- "If you think about it, there are a whole lot of dead bodies in the ocean, but people still swim there. But if there was a single dead body in a pool, no one would swim in there. So does that mean that people care about the dead body to water ratio?" "I mean..I guess? If you just keep the dead body away from you does it really matter?" "Of course you wouldn't care, Eita."

- Semi definitely gets completely wet and then chases Shirabu around.

- "I JUST WANNA HUG YOU KENJI! I LOVE YOUUU!" "GO AWAY!" The whole while Semi has this shit eating grin on his face

- Shirabu's scary so Semi ends up tackling Reon. And sweet, sweet Reon just hugs him back and fixes his hair :( a little kiss on his nose too 😙

- Shirabu gets jealous and gently pushes Semi.

- "Reon's MINE. Back off ✋️🙄"

- Semi promptly grabs him and hauls ass with a screaming Shirabu in his arms.

- Long story short Shirabu ends up wet, wrapped in a towel in Reon's lap, glaring straight daggers at Semi.

- Semi, pretty successfully, gets his boyfriends to play in the water with him. It's a lot of splashing each other and they bring a volleyball too just to pass around.

- They end up eating snacks all hunched over on a towel with a towel around them and their hair plastered to their foreheads. Like when you and your mom's friend's kids would take a break from swimming typa beat 😭

- Eventually they decide to pack up and go home, all tired and sandy. Mostly because if the setters see Reon glowing in the light of the sunset any longer than what they have, they might just pass out.

- Semi and Shirabu race to the car. Shirabu wins and doesn't fail to rub it in Semi's face.

- They pack up and as soon as they get on the road and are all sat and comfortable, they can hear Semi begin to snore.

- Homeboy was OUT 😭

- Shirabu definitely takes pictures while Reon giggles at their antics.

- The rest of the ride goes smoothly. Semi sleeping in the back with Reon and Shirabu talking in whispers, their hands interlocked.

- Once they get back they all rinse off before tumbling into bed together.

- Bonus if Reon ends up with weird tan lines because Semi and Shirabu were rushing too much 💀🤙

HAPPY (almost if you're not out yet) SUMMER BREAK!!

#haikyuu!!#shiratorizawa #stzw #semi eita #shirabu kenjirou #shirabu kenjirō #oohira reon #ōhira reon #reonsemi #reonshira #semishira #reonsemishira

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mdverse · 2 years

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4, 20, 22 :)

4. favorite thing to draw

vb au my absolute beloved <3 but more generally i love drawing characters interacting? super vague way to describe it but like... idk just trying to showcase the dynamics between characters?

20. a piece from this year that you’re really proud of

there are so many to choose from already this year! here are a few:

sleeping santana

furtana family bonding trip

corset vest!kurt

santanaverse

vb au uht glow up

the fact that they are all vb au is genuinely a coincidence aksdjfh but i guess that just goes to show how much i love that au

22. what inspires you

a lot of things! i think u know this more than anyone mist, since you put up with a lot of my thoughts on a very regular basis :)

i think music is a big one. i've drawn a couple of stuff directly inspired by songs/performances, but i also really enjoy trying to capture the feelings that certain songs give me! like i channeled at last by etta james for the diner!brittana, i have a vb au furtana playlist that i listen to when i draw them bc those songs perfectly encapsulate the dynamic i picture for them, and in general i try to put on playlists that match the mood of whatever i'm drawing. not to mention the stuff like musicals, tv shows, and movies that inspire some of my aus.

the other thing is just like... everyday life? lil experiences, memories and feelings that pop up and that i want to capture, yknow? part of why vb au in particular is so vibrant and full of energy is bc vb was a highlight of my high school experience, orchestra au happened bc i was watching an orchestra concert and i found myself missing the time in my life where i did play musical instruments regularly and i wondered what it would be like if i hadn't dropped them, i put a lot of effort into the forest for that furtana camping trip art bc i love walking around in nature, kurt with a basket of fruit literally just happened bc my art history class talked about that painting for a bit and i thought it was cool, the santana glee advent drawing is based on a painting i made in high school, which in turn was based on a lot of the conflicting thoughts and feelings i was dealing with at the time.

idk what to say about the cursed aus lmao. i blame u and fellow tumblr user fettuccinecaterpillar for spongeblaine bc i genuinely had not thought of that, and unfortunately i have no one but myself to blame for shruck (except maybe you for encouraging me every time i pitch bad ideas?)

idk i guess what i'm trying to say is that i get inspiration from many different aspects of life? it's fun to think of these lil mundane things and then translate them into bigger moments in art form, or to sprinkle in lil feelings that mean so much to me. i think it helps me cherish every single artwork i make, even if i may not love the final result, yknow? not to mention seeing so much incredible art from other artists that i admire... it really pushes me to continue creating my own stuff too!

art ask game :)

#ask md #mist <3 #ask games #art asks #im so sorry i started rambling i hope it all makes sense

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narilily · 3 months

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TASK #14 LET'S TAKE A TRIP

is your character local to Merrock, or did they move to town from somewhere else? Nari considers herself local to Merrock, just because most of the life that she can remember has been spent in town. But she was originally born in South Korea.

does your character travel frequently? Not too frequently, no. Nari prefers to spend her time at home in Merrock, although she has never said no to a trip offered by the Benefactor!

what was their favorite spot they’ve ever traveled to? Nari was able to go to Paris once, with her husband at the time, and absolutely loved it. Mostly for the fashion!

what was their least favorite spot that they’ve ever traveled to? Although she loved London, she could probably never go back there, just for the memories in the city.

is there a place that they’ve always wanted to visit? There are a lot of places, but she would love to go watch the Super Bloom.

if they had to take a solo trip anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Probably one of those eat, pray, love things all around Italy or something, anything where she could just focus on herself for a little while.

if they had to take a family/group trip anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Nari would choose to take her parents on a vacation, anywhere in the world that they wanted to go, truthfully.

do they prefer to fly or drive when it comes to traveling? Not picky! But also, depends on the destination. She'd be more than fine with driving if it's not too far, or has pretty views, but sometimes flying is just a lot easier.

when traveling, do they have an itinerary, or are they doing things as the inspiration hits? Mostly whatever hits her at the moment -- but sometimes it's nice to have a few ideas, she can admit!

hotel, motel, bed & breakfast, camping, rental home – where are they staying when they travel? Bed & breakfast, always. It's just a nice environment and sort of a 'best of both worlds' kind of thing.

light packer or heavy packer? Light packer, but never misses!

do they start packing way ahead of time, or is this a last minute, throw it in a suitcase kind of thing? Closer to last minute, but not in a panic. She just prefers to make lists in her head and then wait until she needs to get it done, so she's highly motivated.

most often forgotten item when traveling? A hair brush!

the item they double, triple check for when traveling? Toothbrush, deodorant, and a pair of walking shoes.

do they splurge on trips, or try to do them on a budget? Somewhere in between.

are they the kind to try all of the local cuisine, or do they stick with the stuff that they know they will like? Nari loves to try local restaurants when she travels, but she's also not going to turn down food that she loves just because it's too similar to her favorites!

more the adventurous type, or do they like to party and hit up the nightlife? A little bit of both! Nari just wants to be happy and have a good time, so whether that means partying or going out on a long hike, she'll find a way to do it.

international travel, or stick to the States? Either or!

do they record their travels any way, like in a travel journal, scrapbooking, online, on social media? She has scrapbooked in the past, but absolutely shares on social media, and sometimes even puts them in photo albums or frames around the house.

and lastly… do they use the pillow provided, or their own? Her own pillow when she can swing it!

#merrocktask

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kyriosc · 1 year

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dcviated asked:

Dogi arrives that evening, a song under his breath and a large parcels under his arm. Pushing into the bar however he wonders if he's interrupting? Ah, Edeth was just wrapping up dinner with the college girl who helps out time to time. "Aw, well that's nice. Didn't mean to interrupt or nothing! I got you something if you wanna... well, open em up." The package is set on the pool table so there's enough space. It doesn't take a genius to tell what this large flat rectangle may be. A framed photograph! But wait a minute-- "Yeup. That's from the mountain you and I went to. Remember? You mentioned you wouldn't mind seeing that sunset every day so I went back with my buddy's camera. Think they did a good job with the printing. If you want help hanging it up, lemme know alright? Oh! And this too." A ribbon'd bottle of liquor is set on the counter. The writing on it is foreign. Spanish? "Some mezcal from my last trip. Happy birthday, Edeth!!"

It had been a long while since Edeth made anything from home. Usually when she cooks it was what's on her bar menu, easier to just have a meal at work when you're there all the time, but today was different and she wanted a treat. A few dishes, nothing super heavy, but to make and taste Coquilles Saint-Jacques along with seasonal vegetables sautéed in some lemon compound butter, tying the meal with a glass (or three) of her favourite wine. It was a meal fit for a queen considering the pair had enjoyed a wonderful time out. To think she could ever felt so relaxed, maybe Edeth can make it a habit.

The sound of the front door opening brings her back to her senses as she is in for another surprise. Her cheeks turning a tinge pink at seeing the new company enter the building, a treat for the eyes since she didn't think he would ever remember her so casually saying her birth date. Not to mention last she heard he was on another trip. Did he come straight here after returning? Maybe she should make him some dinner real quick. Excusing herself from the table she meets up with the man clasping her hands in anticipation.

Uncovering the large package has her speechless. Looking back between Dogi and the picture, feeling how she did upon first seeing that sunset before they enjoyed a night under the open skies with the stars as their witness. As if by impulse staring at the frame, Edeth is by his side leaning in with a hand wrapped around his arm. Comforting. She will definitely find some space in her bar for it, and looking around she could see many spots that could use some fine nature shots. They would add a unique feel to them something that no one else had.

A bottle of mezcal was next and this present was equally as wonderful. What's more is this brand isn't found with her local supplier or stores in the neighboring cities. Truly a gem and her gears are starting to spin on a new cocktail. As an act of gratitude Edeth does her best to tip toe, one hand to tug him down a touch, the other cradles his chin. A short, sweet, soft smooch at the corner of his lips in appreciation for a wonderful moment.

"Thank you, Dogi, I don't know what more to say except I hope we can have more adventures together." A soft chuckle and the two seem to be in their own world. Hands held, smiles all around had it not been Eira's hair contrasting the background in the corner of her eye. Totally forgot she had company! Immediate embarrassment but she figures it's about time she introduces two important people to her.

"E-Eira! Meet Dogi, we, um, we took a few camping trips together as you can tell. And he takes wonderful pictures and makes delicious food! He's very special to me just like you. Likewise, Dogi, this is Eira. She's an absolute gem like a daughter I never thought I could have~!"

#dcviated #ic. edeth #bday post.#second bday dinner ft dogi

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chronocidalrage · 2 years

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I climbed Mount Watatic

Holy fucking shit that place rules. I felt something super weird and magical at one point. Either a memory of Atom and I hiking it together when we were kids that I barely remember (but remember the good feeling from), him somehow being present with me at that moment, or both. I felt like I was in the Upside Down from Stranger Things. Like I wasn’t in this world for parts of the hike. Really interesting. It felt very magical and I could feel Atom like he was standing right next to me for a second.

I LIKE KAYAKING (who knew) I kayaked around the lake and it was amazing. What a good time. So peaceful and fun. Definitely want to make that a thing. Physical things I enjoy: hiking and kayaking. Nice.

I’m realizing that although camp is good for daydreaming, it’s not good for writing. I would not do well up here trying to write in isolation. Maybe if I had a neutral cabin (like Evergreen) to myself, but even then I’m not sure. I like little solo trips, but generally I want to connect with people and be present when I’m at camp.

I can write well where I’m comfortable. Home is fine. Especially with limited distractions/people. If I were paid to write, I would probably rent out Evergreen for a week or two and write alone, but only if I were paid to write or something (and I’d definitely need WiFi and a TV so I wouldn’t go full Shining). I find it easier to be creative in comfortable/familiar places. That way I’m not distracted by my surroundings. Cafes, the library, stuff like that is fine too.

I WANNA LIVE I wanna live. I wanna live boldly in the way I’ve always been afraid to live. I want to take the training wheels off and see what I can do. Push myself. Reach for joy and happiness, new skills. I want to live and look/feel good. That’s what I can still do with my life that I haven’t been able to do yet. That’s what can be good and different about my life post-Atom.

GHOST RIDER The Jason Aaron/Tony Moore issues really capture how horrifying the curse would be. Every time you turn you have to experience your flesh burning off of your bones. Horrifying.

LAST NIGHT AT CAMP So fucking weird man. My mom was just on another planet. Reading, kinda talking during dinner. I sat and watched terrible TV with her and she was barely there. So weird.

I think the lesson to take away from this trip (possibly with some sort of cosmic intervention from Atom, or maybe it’s just me being open and honest with myself), is that I can’t rely on the good things I’ve had in the past. They go away. People die. People change. You change. Your good things become tainted, they become harder to enjoy, they get mixed in with bad things. You gotta keep finding new good things, new good people.

The best parts of my trip were things I hadn’t done before (or at least not in a long time). Hiking Watatic. Kayaking. Finding the weird little hideout in the woods. Going to the beach at sunset. Just sitting on the beach in the shade like a boring adult. All new, and they weren’t bad.

It’s possible to enjoy camp still, but I need at least one person with me that WANTS to connect and enjoy camp as well. I can’t just come up whenever I want to be alone (it’s too lonely), and I can’t just come up to hang with mom (she’s barely present).

What a bummer. But this doesn’t erase the good times I’ve had there. Those are all still real and beautiful. I just can’t really have those same times anymore. At least not consistently or easily.

I miss Atom. So much. I missed him even more up there. He feels more gone up there. I just wanna be with him. Laughing. Joking. Talking shit. Talking about cool stuff we found. I miss feeling “in place.”

MURDER, SHE WROTE Is technically an awesome premise. An author who’s so good at writing mysteries that she’s an expert at solving them in real life. Great title too.

Looks surprisingly cool, all things considered. Dark, hard shadows. Shot on film. If this is what my mom wanted to watch the whole time I was there, I wouldn’t have minded as much (we watched this British show, Midsomer Murders, instead).

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likeshipsonthesea · 4 years

Text

mianmian gets to the lan sect lectures, discovers very quickly that every one of her peers has decided to use this time to figure out how quickly they can get into bed with someone of the opposite sex, and decides almost immediately that she has to pick a suitably unattainable guy to have a crush on.

the thing is, mianmian is lanling jin’s head disciple. she is capable, intelligent, and very very gay. the last of these things she isn’t exactly keen on telling people yet for a variety of reasons up to and including jin zixuan will be so awkward and stubbornly supportive about it and she doesn’t know how to deal with that yet

so when her friends giggle over the other young masters and finally turn to mianmian-- who’s trying to memorize at least some of the fifty-thousand rules before their quiz tomorrow--and they ask her, “who do you like, mianmian?” she says the name that she carefully picked out of a handful of options.

“lan-er-gongzi,” she says, without looking up from her textbook, and she assumes that will be the end of it.

lan wangji is both incredibly attractive and unrelentingly resistant to all attempts to flirt with him. she, like half the other female cultivators, can moon over him (or pretend to moon over him) all they want and nothing will come of it. it’s perfect. she’s a genius. the worst she’ll have to do now is pretend to be infatuated with him when her friends start gossiping. it’s fool proof.

spoiler: it’s not

it’s not, no, because her friends are horrible and immediately start gossiping about it to everyone, and usually mianmian wouldn’t care but then jin zixuan finds out. jin zixuan, whose marriage complex is being brought to center stage with the forced proximity to his bride-to-be. jin zixuan, who for some reason decided he has to live his stolen crush-addled youth vicariously through his only real friend that isn’t related to him. jin zixuan, who for some godforsaken reason takes it upon himself to contrive situations for mianmian and lan wangji to be alone together incessantly.

it unfortunately takes mianmian longer than she would like to figure out what’s happening. she’d give herself a break for it-- she was being responsible and studying, thank you very much-- but she doesn’t have much sympathy for her own stupidity seeing as she’s currently locked in a section of the lan library with the second jade of lan

and suddenly, suddenly she’s just so fucking tired. of studying, yeah, the tests here are brutal and there’s no one to bribe to make sure she doesn’t lose points on stupid things, but also tired of lying to the people she loves and tired of training this hard and being an amazing cultivator only for people to care more about her eventual marriage-- to a man of all things!-- and also, let’s be real here, she’s been in lectures with beautiful capable intelligent women for like months and she’s losing her gay ass mind

and so maybe, possibly, as she’s locked in a library with a clearly confused and annoyed second jade of lan she kind of, momentarily, loses it and rants all of this at his steadily widening eyes

at the end of it, she realizes with no small amount of panic that she’s just confessed not only her attraction to women but the fact that she’s been letting wen qing’s ears of all things distract her from her studies. if anything, she’s sure lan wangji will fault her for inattention

but the second jade of lan, after a drawn-out moment filled only with mianmian’s labored breathing and rising panic, simply says, “i understand.”

mianmian stops. she squints. she tilts her head. she squints some more. lan wangji’s ears go pink and just like that she realizes -- “you’re a cut-sleeve.”

lan wangji’s ears go even pinker. he doesn’t nod, or agree, or outwardly react in any way, but mianmian is a capable, intelligent cultivator, and she’s sure of it.

mianmian sighs with a relief she didn’t know she could feel. “thank the gods.”

lan wangji doesn’t seem to know what to make of this response, or mianmian’s increasingly frequent trips to the library following their conversation, or mianmian’s staunch determination to befriend the guy, but that’s alright. mianmian is old hat at befriending awkward sect heirs by this point.

it’s not like lan wangji expressed any desire for her friendship, but the prospect of not being the only one with absolutely no interest in the straight shenanigans happening at gusu lan summer camp is enough to let mianmian ignore his obvious confusion. lan wangji is a great listener and only sometimes blushes when mianmian waxes poetic about the beautiful women she’s forced to surround herself with every day

“no but you don’t understand,” mianmian insists, alone in the library with lan wangji, “jiang-guniang asked me to help her with a sword form. i put my hands on her waist. i said something idiotic bc she was so pretty and right there and then she laughed. lan wangji. i’m in love.”

“yesterday you were in love with wen-guniang,” lan wangji says as he impassively turns a page in his book. “has this changed?”

“no, i’m in love with both of them. all of them. lan wangji. they’re all so pretty all the time. it’s horrible.”

lan wangji presses his lips into a firmer line, which mianmian’s come to understand means he’s repressing a smile. “i’m sorry to hear it brings luo-guniang such trouble.”

mianmian groans, fairly undignified, but that’s a lost cause with lan wangji at this point anyway. “i swear, if jin zixuan says one more bad thing about her i’m going to punch him and marry her myself.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” which mianmian takes to mean that he supports her in this line of thinking, which she finds both quite sweet and ridiculously funny.

grinning, she teases, “lan-er-gongzi, if i do end up marrying jiang-guniang, will you bear witness to our elopement?”

lan wangji’s lips press again, this time in the way that means he’s repressing a frown. “jiang-guniang’s brothers wouldn’t allow for an elopement,” he says.

mianmian huffs. “as if yunmeng or lanling will deign to host our wedding.”

lan wangji appears to ponder this for a moment before he says, “gusu will host it,” and it’s at that moment that mianmian realizes she’s actually gone and fucking befriended the second jade of lan.

what is her life.

of course, it’s not long after that that she goes to find jin zixuan and explain that she can’t make their weekly sparring match today because she has plans with lan wangji (jiang yanli tenderly brushed some of mianmian’s hair away from her forehead while they were working on sword forms and if mianmian doesn’t tell someone about it she’s literally going to explode) and she’s trying to be as polite as possible only for jin zixuan to scoff and pout (”i don’t pout”) and say, “i never took you for one of those women who throw themselves so wantonly at a man”

it’s only for having been friends with this absolutely horrible communicator for most of her life that she doesn’t immediately punch him in the face. “what did you just say to me,” she demands, but jin zixuan just sets his jaw and looks away, flushing down his neck in the way his mother describes as unbecoming and--

and mianmian suddenly realizes that her ridiculous best friend is jealous of lan wangji.

(in a friend way, of course, he’s like her brother, the one time his mother implied that he ought not get too close to women in case it jeopardizes his betrothal to jiang yanli, he insisted he didn’t have any female friends repeatedly as his mother delicately danced around outright saying mianmian’s name until finally she broke and jin zixuan was basically like huh?? mianmian doesn’t count?? she made me eat dirt like six times when we were kids)

the sheer ridiculousness of jin zixuan, to set her up with a guy and then get jealous when she spends all her time with him

and fuck her, but she loves her stupid awkward ridiculous sect heir best friend and she doesn’t want him to think she’s gone and left him for someone else (gods know jin zixuan’s loyalty complex rivals his marriage one (on second thought the two might be connected)) and so, after making a few quick decisions, mianmian grabs her stupid best friend by the wrist and pulls him to the library

he protests all the way there, but he’s been letting her drag him wherever she wants since they were five and it isn’t as if he’s going to break the pattern now. she drags him to the library and sits him down across a startled lan wangji and then finally breaks and gushes about jiang-guniang’s fingertips brushing her forehead and doesn’t look at jin zixuan once the whole time

lan wangji, on the other hand, sends jin zixuan frequent glances, as if worried on mianmian’s behalf, which is super sweet and also how the fuck did mianmian get two awkward sect heirs to care about her platonically wtf. she spares a thought for her poor auntie, who would’ve loved to have a sect heir care about her niece in much less platonic ways.

at the end of mianmian’s rant, jin zixuan is blinking quite a lot. “you like women?” he asks. he’s always been a bit slow on the uptake. mianmian nods. “you like jiang-guniang?”

mianmian shrugs. “more or less. she’s just really pretty and i’m dying about it. it’s fine.”

lan wangji says, “mn,” sympathetically and jin zixuan continues to gape.

mianmian winces. “you’re not going to be weird about this, are you?”

jin zixuan shakes his head quickly. “no, no-- of course not, i--you know that i--you’re my best friend, i don’t care--what does it matter to me, who you want to--to touch your hair.”

it’s probably the most awkward sentence he’s said to her in years, but possibly more articulate than she’d been expecting. it makes her tear up regardless and she punches him in the shoulder to hide it, and that’s basically how the three of them start hanging out in the library nearly every day after lecture.

sometimes they go to the sparring ground, bc who’s better sparring practice than the second jade of lan? and sometimes (once or twice) mianmian manages to convince lan wangji to join her and jin zixuan for lunch in caiyi town when they don’t have lecture, but mostly they meet in a secluded part of the library where mianmian can rant about how pretty all the women at lectures are, jin zixuan can turn pink whenever she mentions jiang-guniang, and lan wangji can “mn” and nod sympathetically at all the right parts

and mianmian thinks that’s going to be the end of it, they’re just going to be friends now and everything else will move on as usual, bc by some ridiculous trick of fate lan wangji and jin zixuan seem to like each other. which makes sense in hindsight bc they’re both awkward sect heirs who care about cultivation and people a lot even if they’re not great at showing it

(and he’d never say it but mianmian thinks jin zixuan’s easy acceptance of her liking women is probably the first time lan wangji’s ever seen someone accept that kind of thing before (maybe, possibly, other than his brother, lan xichen seems really cool, even if he does smile kind of intensely at mianmian whenever he happens upon her hanging out with his little brother.))

so they’re friends, they’re unexpected friends, and sometimes lan wangji even makes jokes in that dry deadpan way of his and sometimes jin zixuan doesn’t completely trip over his own words and manages to act like a normal human being and mianmian gets two idiots to care about and a perfect place to vent her womanly frustrations, and she thinks that’s the end of it and then wei wuxian accosts her after lectures one day

“do you like lan zhan?” he asks accusingly, eyes narrowed to slits. “what am i even asking, of course you like lan zhan, but do you like-like him?”

mianmian thinks sadly to herself that she’s much too into women to be dealing with all these men’s emotional problems. “lan wangji is my friend,” she says, carefully sidestepping wei wuxian, who continues to squint at her suspiciously. really, he’d been amusing when he flirted with her, but this? this is just ridiculous.

“does he know that?” wei wuxian asks. “because if he doesn’t, that’s just leading him on, and it’s really not nice to--”

“lan wangji knows we’re friends,” she says, trying to enunciate to get her point across clearly. “you can ask him, if you don’t believe me.”

wei wuxian squints a moment longer before he turns and flounces off. mianmian thinks this is the end of it until she’s accosted again after dinner with, “he said you were friends!”

for some reason, wei wuxian seems even more troubled by this than earlier. mianmian tries to suppress her eyeroll. “i told you he would?”

“but how,” wei wuxian says, suddenly whining. “i’ve been trying to be his friend for months and he refuses to acknowledge me.”

oh, mianmian realizes with a quickly dawning horror. she and lan wangji are not the only cut-sleeves at cloud recesses this summer. (she has suspicions, of course, but no confirmations on any of the others, but this. wow.)

she also realizes, decides really, that she has enough repressed sect heirs in her life and she cannot deal with wei wuxian’s cut-sleeve crisis or his evidently large attachment to lan wangji right now. she turns decisively and walks the fuck away. not her problem.

the lectures end eventually, of course, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to lanling with a horde of golden robed disciples, freshly deflowered and not all together more learned. it’s what, she thinks grimly, their sect leader would want.

the first few weeks go by and she realizes that she’s missed unloading about her frequent and fast falling-in-loves. jin zixuan just doesn’t sympathize right, bless him, and so mianmian takes to writing letters. she sends two without receiving a reply and just starts to write the third when a letter with the gusu symbol is delivered to her room.

she’s almost expecting to find a single mn written on the page-- she would’ve been delighted with just that, actually, the sheer hilarity of such a thing-- but instead she finds several pages filled with lan wangji’s perfect calligraphy.

it’s more than he’s ever spoken out loud, but it seems that propriety dictated that he return mianmian’s extensive letter with one of his own and he’s done so admirably. he responds to the events mianmian detailed in her letters-- most succinctly summarized as, woman are gorgeous and i’m dying-- and then writes about his own life in cloud recesses. apparently, he went on a little night hunt with wei wuxian and also nie huaisang and jiang cheng were involved? seriously, mianmian misses out on all the fun.

he’s also apparently taken in some rabbits, which mianmian immediately decides she needs to see. lan wangji, sitting prim and proper, with a bunch of rabbits in his lap? amazing. wei wuxian would die on sight, she’s sure of it.

he also ends his letter with a warning about qishan wen that has mianmian frowning. she takes it to jin zixuan who reads the paragraph and frowns. “i’ll talk to my father about it,” he says, which she can tell by his hunched shoulders he doesn’t expect to do much.

“talk to your father’s general too,” she suggests, because that man at least thinks with his head and not his dick.

jin zixuan nods but doesn’t hand back the letter. he skims it instead with a barely concealed surprise at lan wangji’s previously hidden expansive vocabulary. mianmian snorts and grabs the letter back. “you can write to him yourself, you know.”

jin zixuan flushes down his neck. “i know!” he insists and then turns and runs away because he’s a coward. mianmian shakes her head, smiling. what an idiot.

still, another week goes by and a letter arrives from gusu and, when mianmian takes it, assuming it’s for her, she finds it addressed to jin zixuan in lan wangji’s impeccable calligraphy and she grins to herself like an idiot. look at jin zixuan, making friends

(she suddenly understands why lan xichen gave her all those intense smiles during the lan lectures)

they go on in this way, writing letters to lan wangji from lanling. sometimes mianmian steals jin zixuan’s letters before he sends them so she can squeeze in some ranting in the post script without wasting a whole second thing of paper, and lan wangji replies dutifully, more verbose than he ever was in person, and it’s nice okay, like. she and jin zixuan have been best friends since they were kids but neither of them has ever been any good at listening and lan wangji is just so honest and earnest in everything, like they didn’t realize that people outside of lanling were actually not always plotting your downfall??? who woulda thunk

and then of course the wens go and ruin everything. they go to the wen lectures bc jin guangshan doesn’t want to “anger our trading partner” like the guy isn’t obviously going to burn carp tower to the ground the first chance he gets, and mostly mianmian and jin zixuan are just vaguely annoyed and put out about it

then lan wangji shows up with a broken leg and a burned sect and they are ready to murder some dudes

after years of breaking in and out of carp tower she and jin zixuan are old hats at this breaking and entering stuff and they manage to sneak into lan wangji’s guest quarters and tend to his wounds, ignoring all his silent glares and ranting furiously about how they’re going to murder wen chao by making him choke on his own dick (mianmian) and how they’re going to war with the wen sect even if he has to threaten his father with acknowledging all of his bastards as proper siblings in public to do it (jin zixuan)

lan wangji just says “mn” and makes various muted, distressed expressions, but mianmian thinks he’s touched.

“are your brother and uncle alright?” she asks, when she’s set his broken leg and forced pain medication down his throat.

“brother escaped with our sacred texts,” lan wangji says. “uncle is... unwell.”

mianmian knows lan wangji hates touch but the way he says it, with this horrible little frown, emoting more than she’s ever seen him, his barely suppressed anger and grief literally making his hands shake into fists, mianmian can’t help it, she hugs him. “we’ll make them pay,” she swears into his shoulder, ruining the lines of his robes with how she clutches at them. “i promise you.”

jin zixuan awkwardly pats lan wangji’s shoulder, which is a lot for him and mianmian spares a moment to be proud of his growth.

unfortunately, wen chao seems to delight in torturing lan wangji on his injured leg and lan wangji refuses to show weakness, which both impresses mianmian and pisses her the fuck off. she approaches wen qing (and her still gorgeous ears, sigh) and asks her to tend to lan wangji, since she’s like actually a doctor. wen qing does bc she’s beautiful, intelligent, and kind and mianmian spends most of that night sighing deeply as she relates this to a significantly drugged lan wangji

the cave of the xuanwu goes about the same as you’d expect. wei wuxian saving her from getting her face branded off is pretty rad of him, though he could’ve just like knocked the brand away instead of throwing himself in front of it but whatever, you do you boo. when lan wangji gets left behind the two of them don’t even have to wait for jiang cheng to grumble and ask for their help, they’re already on their way to carp tower for an army, thank you very much

when they rescue wei wuxian and lan wangji and lan wangji immediately turns to walk back to cloud recesses on a broken leg mianmian says, “fuck no, that’s not happening, you’re getting medical attention and then someone will fly you back home, okay, wtf wangji, sit down.”

and lan wangji is a stubborn bitch so obvs he’s like no but he’s also severely starved, dehydrated, and injured, so it’s not like he can just shake off mianmian holding him down and this goes on long enough for wei wuxian to wake up and see mianmian touching lan wangji, and something in his poor little brain just like breaks and he demands says, “lan zhan, come back to lotus pier with us.”

his argument, as he explains it, is that lotus pier is closer (it’s not; they’re just as close to carp tower as lotus pier) and that it’s closer to gusu for when lan wangji has to return home (it’s not; same deal) but then jiang cheng starts yelling, possibly in support possibly not mianmian’s not sure, and jin zixuan starts getting awkward, probably about the whole golden army behind him bc he’s a nerd and hates being overdressed at functions (this is basically the same thing), and mianmian looks at lan wangji and she sees--

something. she isn’t sure what exactly, but lan wangji looks at wei wuxian as he argues with his brother and he presses his lips into a thin line in the way that means he wants to smile and mianmian thinks, oh. maybe wei wuxian isn’t completely unrequited in his lan wangji obsession.

growing up in lanling, she knows how to use information to her advantage, so she immediately says, “young masters wei and jiang, what a great idea. lanling’s disciples would be pleased to accompany you and second young master lan to lotus pier to ensure everyone’s safe arrival.”

everyone splutters, indignant, confused, awkward (jiang cheng, wei wuxian, and jin zixuan, respectively) but lan wangji narrows his eyes at mianmian and doesn’t try to convince her to let him walk to gusu again, so she counts it as a win.

sect leader jiang and his wife seem surprised and annoyed, respectively, to be taking in so many guests, but sect leader jiang merely smiles pleasantly and directs them to some guest quarters and mianmian and wei wuxian ask, simultaneously, for doctors to tend to lan wangji and wei wuxian makes a face at her and mianmian sighs to herself that she really is too gay to be in the middle of his thing with lan wangji.

turns out, walking a lot and fighting a cannibalistic turtle on a broken leg doesn’t do wonders for healing. lan wangji is also the worst patient ever, he keeps trying to sneak out and get up even though word came from his brother that he’s safe and alright and that cloud recesses is starting to rebuild after qinghe nie and lanling jin came to its aid and pushed out the wen

but with the combined efforts of mianmian, jin zixuan, and wei wuxian (and even jiang yanli at one point, bc who could say no to her soup??) they manage to get lan wangji to just rest for a fucking second, really which results in the jin disciples and lan wangji staying in lotus pier for longer than anyone could’ve expected

mianmian spends most of her time (when she isn’t forcing lan wangji to just fucking stay in bed) working with the jiang disciples, practicing archery, sword forms, and mooning after all the beautiful women here.

(”lan wangji, i know she’s scary, but have you seen madam yu? she could whip me with zidian and i’d thank her” “luo-guniang, please don’t ask madam yu to whip you” OR “lan wangji, i’m almost positive madam yu’s maids are a thing, do you think they’d let me join them just like once” “luo-guniang, could you please pass me my sword?” “why” “i’d like to put myself out of this misery” OR “she made me soup. lan wangji. lan wangji, i know you’re not sleeping, wake up, you have to listen to me, this soup”)

they end up staying so long that when wang lingjiao shows up threatening a child about a kite while sect leader jiang is away, she has a lot more to deal with than madam yu. since none of this had been a “sanctioned visit” no one actually knew that there was nearly an entire troop of jin disciples staying at lotus pier, so when the wens attack they are sorely unprepared for what they’re going to face.

(and ofc lan wangji breaks out of bed heroically and keeps madam yu from whipping wei wuxian, which means they aren’t down one of their most powerful fighters and mianmian has to suffer through the moon eyes they’re making at one another in the middle of a battle no less, she knew wei wuxian had no shame but she’d been hoping lan wangji would have some)

after the wen attack (and defeat) on lotus pier and the jin’s inarguable part in it, the war starts in earnest. lan wangji, after his long rest, heals fine and goes back to gusu to help rebuild his sect and plan for war, and mianmian and jin zixuan return to carp tower to plan as well, ignoring jin guangshan and focusing instead on his general to ensure lanling supplies necessary aid in the war effort

and war is always shitty, of course, and mianmian hates watching her sect family die on the battlefield, hates waiting for updates after every battle to see who’s still alive, hates the politics and jin guangshan trying to wheedle his way out of fighting when there’s fucking lives on the line

(and she could never know, how much easier it is, with yunmeng jiang at its full strength, with one of the brightest minds of their generation there to plot and help, with two of the best fighters not out searching for someone and instead focused on the front)

they reach nightless city after months of fighting and mianmian is ready to just fucking stab wen ruohan herself when they’re suddenly trapped. blocked in on all sides by puppets, their fallen soldiers rising again to turn on them, and it--it looks like they’re gonna die.

“this sucks,” she says to lan wangji, stifling her fear and choking it down. “i never even got to kiss a girl.”

lan wangji just says “mn.”

jin zixuan, beside them, says, “i was an idiot about jiang-guniang.”

lan wangji just says, “mn.”

then wei wuxian pulls out a fucking flute and a-- floating piece of metal? the army of puppets and corpses stops advancing, held in place by-- music, apparently? and wen ruohan emerges from his lair, black energy falling off him in waves, wei wuxian the idiot flies forward to meet him, gets wen ruohan’s hand around his throat for his trouble.

lan wangji yells, “wei ying!” and mianmian thinks, really not fair that lan wangji is gonna get a boyfriend before i get a girlfriend

and then wen ruohan gets stabbed by jin zixuan’s half brother of all people. wen ruohan, along with his puppets and wei wuxian, fall to the ground. lan wangji rushes forward to catch wei wuxian, mianmian runs after him, finds herself in company with jin zixuan and jiang cheng. when they get there, wei wuxian is barely conscious but he’s-- he’s fucking grinning up at lan wangji from the cradle of lan wangji’s arms

“lan zhan,” he says, “you caught me.”

lan wangji nods, says, “mn,” which is basically his equivalent of i’ll always catch you, wei ying.

“really,” mianmian says aloud, “it’s so unfair.”

the aftermath of the war is more annoying than the war itself, what with all the politics and in-fighting and jin guangshan trying to be the biggest dick there ever was. jin guangshan tries to name himself chief cultivator in wen ruohan’s stead but nie mingjue suggests jiang fengmian instead and the lan sect backs him. jin guangshan tries to demonize the wens but at wei wuxian’s loud rebuttal and sect leader jiang’s backing (which is then backed by both gusu lan and qinghe nie) he’s once again shouted down. and then jin guangshan tries to propose to jiang-guniang for his son and the poor woman just seems so awkward and her father doesn’t seem to know what to say and--

mianmian elbows jin zixuan whose eyes widen ridiculously but, after another, harder hit, he suddenly stands. all eyes go to him, which mianmian knows he hates, but he bows to his father, then jiang yanli, and says, “jiang-guniang, forgive my father’s impertinence. this is not the time or place to be making such an offer, but he--” jin zixuan winces visibly. “--he knows of my feelings and wishes to make his foolish son happy. please, do not feel the need to respond.”

then he promptly sits down, flushing down to his neck, and mianmian shares a disbelieving glance with lan wangji from across the horrible nightless city palace room.

she’d really only meant for him to suggest jiang yanli answer privately, at a later time, but wow, jin zixuan really went for it. also no way jin guangshan knows his son has fallen in love with jiang yanli, so nice save face there. maybe he has been paying attention in all of their etiquette and political espionage classes.

jiang yanli flushes way prettier than jin zixuan and nods politely, stands and bows and thanks the jin clan for being considerate in this time of turmoil, perhaps they can discuss this matter at a later date (jin zixuan looks like he nearly faints at this, and mianmian feels vindicated in all her forlorn ranting. overreacting her ass)

when everything has been settled, wen qing has been appointed the new sect leader of qishan wen with promises to return land to those who lost it and pay reparations to the hurt civilians, as well as have the yin iron destroyed for good. during the final ceremony where all the sects have tea and pledge to be loyal to one another (until the next great war, of course) mianmian leans close to lan wangji and sighs, “her ears look even lovelier with her hair tied back by her new sect leader hairpiece.”

lan wangji says “mn” because he’s a cut sleeve in love with wei wuxian and has nothing even closely resembling taste.

mianmian, on her own, decides to make them both happy. before the jin clan departs from nightless city, she goes up to wei wuxian and asks for a moment of his time. wei wuxian seems confused but follows and, once they’re alone, he says, “mianmian, are you about to get me into bed, because i must tell you that i am a respectable young cultivator and you’ll need to marry me before--”

mianmian gives him her best unimpressed look (she’s had much practice with it, thank you jin zixuan) and cuts him off with, “i like women.”

wei wuxian’s eyes go wide. “but you and lan zhan--”

she cuts him off again before he can say something so stupid she has to stop talking to him to refrain from breaking all laws of propriety. “look,” she says, “you’re friends with wen qing. now that she’s sect leader, your brother can’t go after her. i, on the other hand, very much can. if you promise to figure out a way for me and her to get close, i’ll tell you a secret you’ll like very much.”

wei wuxian seems hesitant for all of half a second before he breaks. “tell me.”

“do you promise?”

wei wuxian raises three fingers. “promise.”

“on your sister’s life?”

begrudgingly, wei wuxian nods.

“on her soup?”

“just get on with it!”

mianmian smirks, pushes onto her tiptoes, and whispers the secret into wei wuxian’s ear. with that, she returns to the pavilion where all the sects mingle as they wait to depart, wei wuxian trailing behind her in a daze, his mouth hanging open.

lan wangji, who had been watching since mianmian asked wei wuxian for a moment to talk, frowns nearly imperceptibly. mianmian grins at him and his frown grows.

ah, whatever. she walks over to him, unbothered by the quickly growing alarm in his eyes. once next to him, she turns around to see wei wuxian staring unabashedly. her smile only widens.

“you’re going to thank me for this,” she says.

wei wuxian shakes himself, his eyes focusing, and immediately starts walking towards them.

lan wangji, voice flat but wavering, asks, “luo-guniang, what did you do?”

mianmian laughs, says, “i get to give a speech at your wedding,” and walks away just as wei wuxian reaches them.

(she does, actually, give a speech at their wedding. she may or may not be drunk during it, jin zixuan gets embarrassed for her, and she starts tearing up and has to hide it in the shoulder of her wife’s lovely well-tailored robes. it’s alright, though, wen qing doesn’t mind)

EDIT: now on AO3 with a real fic version from lwj’s pov!

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