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#this calmed my anxious mood today

fikefries · 16 days

Text

wisdom; matt sturniolo

summary: you had to get your wisdom teeth out, but with your extreme phobia of needles, it wasnt going to be easy. luckily your boyfriend matt and his brothers stick by your side the entire time.

warnings: needles, mentions of rapid breathing, dentists, anaesthesia

the day had come. the day you had been dreading for weeks.

you had to get your wisdom teeth out.

normally, you werent such a wuss, you handled pain and hospitals well.

but needles.

you couldnt stand the sight of needles. their pricky ends and shiny surface making you feel lightheaded at the sight of them.

thats what make you so nervous for today, the part where they had to stab your arm with a huge ass needle to get the IV in.

you were on the way to the dentists office, your boyfriend matt sitting in the drivers seat, your best friend chris in the passenger seat, while you and your bff nick sat together in the back.

all three of them knew of your phobia of needles, so they were trying their best to calm you down before you got there.

"no chris you dont understand, how can i 'chill out' knowing a huge fucking metal pointy thing is going to be stabbed directly into my goddamn bloodflow, have you seen the length of those fuckin needles?" i say to chris frustratedly as he tried to explain to me that it was no big deal.

chris sighed in defeat as he gave up on trying to reason with you.

my nerves were increasing by the second as we got closer and closer to the dentists office.

matt noticed your anxious state and pulled over at the last stop sign before you reached the dentists office. he turned around leaned back to face you, cupping your cheek with his hand, softly caressing your face in an attempt to comfort you and calm you down.

"listen baby, i know you're nervous- i know that alright? but you need to stay calm for me. ill be there with you the entire time okay? theres no need to worry or be scared, nothings going to happen to you. you have us by your side."

you felt nick rub a soothing hand over your back as chris added

"yeah y/n, dont worry if the needle hurts you ill beat it up" making punching motions with his fist.

you couldnt help but giggle at chris's attempt to lighten the mood.

"alright baby you ready to go in?" matt asked softly holding your hand tightly.

"ready" you sighed, knowing there was no getting out of this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the lights in the dentists office were blindingly bright white, forcing you to squint your eyes while you walked in. as you entered, you noticed all the dentist equipment sitting on the spotless metal counters, wires of different colours spread out all over the floor, connected to the dental bed.

the dentist was explaining the procedure to you, matt, nick and chris. but his words became more and more muffled in your brain as you look around the room. finally laying eyes on the needles.

matt sensed your change in demeanour as he noticed your breathing became increasingly rapid. he came up behind you, softly hugging your waist and moving you to the spot he was originally, blocking your eyes from the view of the needles. then wrapping an arm around you and tracing soft patterns on your shoulder while glancing at your face every few seconds to make sure you're not panicking, as you both continued to listen to the dentists explanation.

after the briefing about the procedure, it was time for it to actually happen. matt helped you up onto the dental bed, placing his hand on the back of your head to make sure you dont hit it as you lay back.

chris stood to the right of the bed, rubbing soothing circles on your shoulder

"you're gonna kill it y/n" he said supportingly

"yeah unless it kills me" you snorted, joking, making the boys giggle before returning to comforting you with small rubs and words of support whilst the dentist set up his equipment.

chris and nick left the room for a bit, wanting to give both you and the dentist space, as they knew it wouldnt be easy for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was time. time for the part you were dreading most. you stared at the long silver blade as the dentist filled it with the medicine that needed to be injected into you through the IV, matt standing beside the bed.

"hey- hey y/n, dont look at that, look at me okay." he said as he slowly moved your head towards him, trying to distract you from the needle.

"just look at me okay, youre doing so good baby im so proud of you."

you stared into matts big blue eyes as he gave you soft affirmations, how did you get so lucky?

matt saw the doctor getting ready to insert the needle into your skin, so he pulled your hoodie down to cover your eyes, and cradled your face into his tshirt, running his fingers through your hair, trying to distract you from what was about to come.

"you're doing so good for me baby, the worst parts almost over"

when you felt the cold metal pierce your skin, you leaned further into matt, trying not to embarrass yourself by whimpering or making any embarrassing sounds. as the needle was being pushed deeper in, you squeezed your eyes shut tightly.

"matttt" you groaned, on the verge of tears, muffled by his tshirt.

"i know baby, i know- youre almost done, you did amazing." he reassured you, holding your head into his shirt and smoothing down your hair while he watched you squirm in his embrace, his heart breaking at the sight.

once the IV was fully in, matt slowly loosened his grip on you, pulling you out of his embrace as you leaned back onto the bed, just then you heard the door open revealing chris and nick walking back in.

"you did it y/n!" chris exclaimed, placing a hand on your head

"we're so proud of you" nick added, patting his hand on your leg as reassurance

"that fuckin sucked" you slurred, the anaesthesia kicking in.

"ooh y/n's getting drowsy now, thats the anaesthesia kicking in" nick said

"how do you feel baby" matt asked rubbing your shoulder

"all i can feel is this fucking dumb bitchass needle in my goddamn arm" you replied, words slurring, making the boys break out into laughter at your choice of wording.

"well now the worsts part over baby, you faced your fear so well."

"hmmmm" you hummed in reply, feeling too drowsy to think

through your blurred vision you looked up at the 3 boys

"you guys look the same" you said

"matt.i love you so fuckin much" you added immediately without giving them time to reply

"and chris and nick i love you guys too"

the boys giggled at your sudden affection

"we love you too y/n" nick giggled

'you're so pretty matty" you admired, reaching your hand out to matt's face, making chris and nick giggle.

"you're the prettiest girl in the world baby, and i love you so much, but right now you gotta keep your hands down okay? if you keep your hands still we can get out of here faster and go get ice cream okay" matt retorted

"can we play ayesha erotica on the way home?" you asked innocently, looking up at matt with pleading eyes.

"yes y/n we can play ayesha erotica"

"i wanna go the fuck home" you said, before falling into a deep sleep due to the anaesthesia.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

outside the room

y/n was undergoing the procedure of getting her teeth taken out now, which means the boys had to leave the room.

"matt you do you feel" chris asked, throwing a shoulder around his brother, recording him on his iphone.

"im so proud of her, i know she was scared and i know she'd beeen feeling pain so its a relief that she was able to pull through and face her fears. i knew she could do it shes my girl." matt said to the phone

"thats adorable" nick giggled, before the doctor called them to come back in.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you were now fully awake, 4 teeth less than before, with gauze in your mouth and a frown on your face

"hi baby, you such an amazing job. im so fucking proud of you right now." matt said as he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, unable to wipe the smile off his face as he admired how cute you looked, mouth swollen, and filled with gauze that made your cheeks puffy, and an adorable frown on your forehead.

"youre crazy y/n, you made that look so easy" nick said rubbing your head.

"can we go home now please" you said grumpily, anaesthesia still now worn off.

"i want this fucking shit out of my body" you said referring to the IV in your arm, as you tried to yank it out.

"WOAH NO- NO Y/N YOU CANT PULL IT OUT" matt exclaimed worriedly.

"baby you need that in you, it helps you not feel the pain in your mouth."

"matt whats this" you asked sticking your tongue out

"thats your tongue baby"

"i cant feel it, or my lips, where are my lips?"

"theyre right here" matt replied as he gently pressed a finger to your lips, giving you the perfect oppurtunity to place a soft kiss on the pad of his finger, making him giggle,

"i want chipotle" you stated bluntly

"no- no chipotle, she cant have any hard foods that may get stuck in her mouth for atleast two weeks, stick to ice creams, soups and mashed potatoes." the dentist told matt, knowing you wouldnt be able to remember this information.

"heard that baby? ice cream and mashed potatoes- doesnt that sound great?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you got to leave the dentist in a wheelchair, which was pretty great.

once you got home, matt ordered you chicken noodle soup and fed it to you while you guys watched spongebob, then he cleaned and replaced your gauze, then helped you get changed and into bed, holding you tightly as you both drifted off into sleep.

you could not have asked for a better boyfriend than matthew sturniolo, you really hit the jackpot.

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deonsx · 2 months

Text

If You Cry While Making Love With Them

Feat: Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor

Content: Smut, Nsfw

Dazai Osamu

You had returned from a very tiring day at work and your lover was in a dark mood throughout the day. Every time you looked at him, he seemed focused on his work with his eyebrows furrowed. 'Don't we ever have a quiet day?' You thought, but you didn't ask anything so as not to upset him. You hoped that he would calm down when you got home, but the same mood got even harsher at home, he wasn't talking at all and the seriousness on his face never left

You never disturbed her, but when it was midnight, she was still sitting on the couch and not coming to bed. You waited for her for a while, but then you couldn't help but went to her. She was still the same as you left her. The brunette's eyes were staring at closed tv, "Osamu??" you called out to her and slowly her eyes turned to you but she waited for a while before answering "Are you asleep yet bella?" The eyes looked blank, but he did not forget to ask you in a voice that would warm his heart. You slowly approached him and held his hands, "You are very tired today, let's sleep together, my love."

"I'm sorry, but I'll stay on my own for a while, my love." Your memories after he said this sentence are blurry, but you whispered love sentences to him and gave him a nice night because you wanted to make him happy, but the night was not as full of love as you thought.. Dazai was very rough during sex, more than ever before. he was rude "Ngh!!..osamu!! slow down...!" No matter how many times you told him, he didn't care, but now you were in pain rather than pleasure and you couldn't hold back the tears in your eyes

When you saw your lover stopping quickly, you wanted to pull yourself together, but you didn't even have the strength to move. An anxious tone of voice filled your ears. "Was it too much love...sshhh my love.." he slowly wiped the tears from your eyes and kissed all over your face and pulled you into his lap, making you lose the coldness. "I'm so sorry.. That wasn't my intention... Today was a bad day.. I lost myself." You slowly buried your head in Dazai's neck and inhaled his scent. The pain of your life slowly disappeared with his loving words "What happened today, Osamu...?" you asked as you slowly exhaled into the cold air that filled the room but he only gave tiny kisses to your hair "Don't worry my love...the only thing that matters right now is you”

Chuuya Nakahara

That day was a day when even the weather was really bad. While your boyfriend was at work, you were preparing dinner for the two of you at home. You sent a lot of messages to your boyfriend, but he didn't answer any of them, but it wasn't that unusual, after all, he was an assassin, and sometimes, no matter how worried you were about him, you were better off praying for him. You can't do anything else, finally the man of the night came and Chuuya, who normally rings the bell, must have preferred to open the door with the key, you didn't even hear him coming. When you heard him say "I'm home", you wanted to look at him, but he quickly went to your bedroom and closed the door

But you still didn't care and quickly knocked on your boyfriend's door. "My love! I prepared the dinner, I'm waiting for you." There was no sound from inside.. "Chuuya?" When there was no sound from inside, you opened the door and found your boyfriend exhausted and lost in thought in the corner of the bed. His orange hair covered his eyes. You slowly approached him and sat next to him, brushing that beautiful hair from his eyes. "Are you okay?" You reached out to her hand with one hand and caressed it. he turned towards you with a deep breath. "Leave me alone s/o..”

You didn't want to leave him alone, on the contrary, you wanted to make him happy and make him forget all his bad night, so you slowly unbuttoned his shirt and sat on his lap "My love.. relax.. you are tired enough" While you were giving him gentle kisses, he took off your clothes with his hands and quickly put your bra in a corner. "You so insatiable today..Chuuya-san," your voice trembled as you gripped his orange hair.

After undressing you completely, he slowly laid you down on the bed and got on top of you and left a lot of marks on your skin, his face was very serious, his mind looked blurry and without waiting for you to relax, he pushed his dick inside you, which made you scream because it hurt so much "Chuuya..! it hurts, wait...!" He was ignoring you as if he was under the influence of some kind of trance, his thrusts continued rapidly and non-stop and this suddenly hurt you so much your eyes quickly filled with tears

Chuuya quickly turned his eyes to you, quickly tried to grasp the seriousness of the situation with his eyes, and then stopped quickly "S/o.." he quickly stood up and then picked you up and took you to the bathroom "I...I don't know what I'm doing I was so confused" he slowly filled the tub with hot water and he placed kisses on your hair "I'm sorry my love..." you rested your head on his neck and let the hot water flow down your body "Please forgive me..I wasn't in the right mind, beautiful"

Fyodor Dostoyevski

You felt like you were in heaven as his lips slid across your skin. My eyes rolled to the back of your head. You couldn't stop the moans escaping from your mouth as he quickly ate you away. Your heart was beating so fast that it stopped "F-fyodor!...Fuck!" your hands gripped the sheets and you closed your eyes tightly, trying to bury your head in the pillow, feeling the knot in your stomach quickly close to breaking. "I-I.." you stammered, "Go on, dear.. I can't get enough of the taste yet"

While swallowing your pleasure juices quickly, he squinted his eyes and grabbed you by the waist and put you in doggy position. "Tonight is going to be a long night, my love... it would be better for you if you prepare yourself" Your first tour, your second tour, your third tour, you were still continuing to fuck, it was starting to hurt.. you felt a hard time. You felt in this situation. Normally you would tell this to your boyfriend and he would stop, but it was the first time you spent such a pleasure-filled evening with him and the compliments he told you were like melody in your ears

It felt unbearable now and it made you scream and cry from the pain. "Honey?? Are you okay? Don't be hard on yourself, my love” He kissed your eyes and wiped your tears and pulled you into his lap. You closed your eyes on his cold white skin and fainted right there. 'Was I too weak?' You thought, and when you came to your senses after 1-2 hours, you were lying on your bed in your nightgown. My eyes widened when I saw your boyfriend Fyodor on top of you "My love?? I..." his icy fingers tangled in your hair "Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me...? "

You felt empty and closed your silence, but you felt as if his purple eyes were looking into your soul "I can't let anyone, including me, hurt you or upset you. You should know this best" As you buried your head deeper into the pillow, his voice was more muffled in your ears. You held his hands and pulled him to the bed. "In your lap I want to sleep" He smiled and laid down next to you and hugged you "You are the only person in this world that I care about, my dear"

This was actually a request!!! but since I accidentally sent it after drafting it, I deleted the post and then the request disappeared. I hope the person who wrote this request sees this!!!

We are 700 people!! I will return to my activity as soon as possible, I love you!! I will do your wishes!

Enjoy!

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thepersonnamedsam · 10 months

Note

hello! i was hoping I could request something between gen z reader x the grid where she gets an anxiety attack or gets really anxious during press and how they would react or try to help her, could be due to something about the race or personal, love uuu<3

you’re gonna go far

pairing: the genz!driver x '23!grid

summary: social anxiety and social stuff don’t mix very well

word count: 2.3k

warnings: anxiety attack, angst, sexist comments

note: hiya!! yk i love your requests!! thank u <3

i have social anxiety myself, it’s written from my perspective - anxiety is experienced very different, pls remember that! and pls respect anyone who is experiencing anxiety or any mental disorder that is!

masterlist / taglist

We ain’t angry at you, love, you’re the greatest thing we‘ve lost.

The song blasted through her ears, tears started forming in her eyes. She missed home, so, so much. She felt guilty to leave all her friends and family at home to pursue her dreams. And this song, written by the brilliant Noah Kahan, just always made her cry and think about her hometown.

Well, maybe not always, mostly the days her anxiety sparks up - and today was one of those days. Usually media didn’t stress her out, but today was different. Her mood shifted and hyper sensitive, overstimulated and overwhelmed. And she usually had someone she trusted by her side at media, but not today. Today was just shit.

Paired with Lance, Kevin, Sergio and Niko, she just wished the day would be over. She was just glad that Daniel, Max, Oscar and Lewis would be after her, they would maybe wait for them to finish, so she could see them.

She was trying to help her calm down. Thinking about good possibilities and not bad ones. Not about how she would sit stiff and uncomfortable between Lance and Sergio. Or how she and Niko never really got along. Or how she couldn’t seek refuge in a known face. Or how she had to answer all the questions by herself and not have Max there to defend her and be her bodyguard.

And she was doing it again.

What was she gonna do? Breath, just breath - that’s what she told herself. She was in desperate need for a break. She knew what she was getting herself into, but it was still so very much. She was glad that Hungary was the second last race before the summer pause. She would go home, maybe vacation a bit, but definitely head home and see her friends and family.

Her feet dragged her through the media pit against her will. She didn’t want to go there, she just wanted to curl up in her bed with a good book and some music. Her headphones still present on her head, at least she had her music.

She was so focused on the words of You’re gonna go far that she didn’t see Lance in her peripheral vision. He patted her on her back and she flinched as he passed her. He gave her a funny look as she just gave him a shy smile.

She sighed, she didn’t know how she could face this day. She wished she had Lewis or Max or Danny by her side, someone to lean on, someone who would protect her and help her out. But she was all alone in this world right now. That’s what she thought at least.

Sat next to her was Kevin and Sergio. Her leg was bouncing, her fingers couldn’t stop picking at her nails. Her breathing was fast. She knew that things would turn out bad pretty fast. She just knew it.

„So, the next question is for y/n. Seeing as you’re the only woman on the grid, do you feel intimidated by all of the men or do you actually like the challenge?“

Her mind raced. What? She wished for Max who would give a sassy comeback or for Lewis to out the comment as borderline sexist. Or just anyone to stand up for her at that moment, but no one did.

„Uh, thank you for your question. Uhm, I am not the only woman on the grid. There are lots of women working behind the scenes - mechanics, engineers, catering, strategists, everything. So, to answer your question, no, I don’t feel intimidated, because I know that I come from a powerful gender.“

Her answer was clip and clear, not even her voice was shaking, which she half expected to. But the interviewer grew visibly irritated.

„Can you go into it a bit more? Or could you please comment on the statement Christian Horner did? Here, I’ll refresh your mind: F1 is bringing in a young generation. It’s bringing in a lot of young girls because of all these great-looking young drivers.“

What had that to do with his question beforehand? Horner made that statement a longer time ago?

„Uhm yes, obviously we all know Christian by now, don’t we?“, she nervously laughed. „But uhm, he is obviously still wrong, like I originally commented when he first made that statement“ Her eyes were searching for something or someone familiar, but she couldn’t. Her vision occupied by interviewers and flashing cameras.

Her breath started to get faster, She tried to breath through her nose, not make it too obvious that she was having a moment. This would make headlines. Female driver gets anxiety attack whilst commenting on sexist statements.

Why wasn’t Lewis there? He knew what to do. He had caught her like this before - breathing rapid, fists clenched and fingers white. Eyes not focusing on anything particular and her chest heaving up and down from all her heavy breathing.

It was after she had found out that people were speculating about her - specifically that she had to sleep with her or any team principal to get her seat in F1. Her head was leaned against the wall, her knees pulled to her chest and her body was rocking back and forth.

„y/n, y/n, listen, look at me. Listen to me, can you please look at me, love?“, he pleaded. And when she finally did, Lewis let out a breath of relief. „Okay, look at me, darling, and follow my breathing, yes? It’s easy, you can do it, I believe in you.“

He grabbed her hands and put them to his own chest, so she could feel his breathing. Feel his calm heartbeat, even though he felt anything opposite calm. He looked her deep into her eyes and tried to reassure that everything was going to be alright.

„You’re gonna go far, y/n, listen to me, I know it, you’re gonna make it far.“

Her breathing had normalised and the tears stuck in her eyes, finally flowed down her cheeks. The soon turned into full on sobs and the older driver hugged the younger one. Embracing her and reassuring her, that none of the drivers would have believed the tabloids - they’ve seen her driving and know very well why she got offered her seat in F1.

She had thanked him about a thousand times and made him promise not to ever tell anyone. But if somebody else knew, maybe they could’ve helped her in this situation.

But luckily for y/n, this was all broadcast live, well, maybe not for her per se, because she knew about too many people were watching her lose herself on live television and her PR manager couldn’t just pull some magic strings to not have this air, but what she didn’t know was, that Seb was watching - her specifically.

And he did the only reasonable thing he could do, he called Lewis.

„Hey dude, what’s up? Haven’t heard from you in a long time. How’s retirement treating you?“ Lewis had a lot of questions for the German. The later laughed a bit, but turned serious pretty quickly. „Listen, I’m watching the pre-race interviews right now-“ Lewis interrupted him: „Yeah? I’m on next, you should definitely wait and see me on TV then.“

„Yeah that’s great Lew, but y/n is on right now. I think- no I’m pretty sure she’s having an anxiety attack on live television.“

Lewis was silent for a moment. „She is having what?“ - „An anxiety attack, you know what that is? It’s, uhm, when you get too overwhelmed and your psyche tells you that you’re experiencing immense fear at the moment and“, Lewis was tuning him out.

She was having an anxiety attack? Right now? During the pre-race interview? He had to help her.

„I’m on my way, thanks Seb“, and he hung up. He had to get there as fast as he could. Sprinting through the entire paddock to the media pin. On the way he almost crashed into Max, who was also making his way to the pin, Daniel by his side. The only looked at Lewis weird but soon we’re running with him, as he shouted: „It’s y/n!“

They arrived but no one wanted to let them in: „It’s not your turn yet, they’re still going. You have to wait until it’s your turn, you’ll be on in 10.“

„Listen, y/n, if you’re reacting this way to my question, you’re clearly not made for this sport, maybe you should go into something more ladylike, like horseback riding or tennis, at least you’d look pretty there.“

„And you’re clearly not made to interviews, asshole!“

All of them heard, the viewers heard, the drivers heard, the interviewers heard, but y/n was the only one who didn’t hear it.

Maybe you should go into something more ladylike, like horseback riding or tennis, at least you’d look pretty there. That was all she could hear. At least you’d look pretty there.

The other drives next to y/n didn’t know what to do. Their colleague was definitely having a though time, but they didn’t know how to help, they opted to just tilt their heads towards the floor and look just as uncomfortable as everyone in the room did - but no one stood up for her, expect Max.

„Maybe you should just fucking leave this pit before I will bash your disgusting face. Maybe you should scramble and flee. Maybe you should eat your on dick as you seem to like to put tiny and degrading things in your mouth. Maybe-“, Daniel stopped him, Max has said enough and made his point.

Lewis was already making his way up to her. Scooping her up and carrying her out of the pit.

At least you’d look pretty.

The sentence was going through her head like a loop, like a vinyl that’s broken and repeats all the worst parts. She felt like a broken record - cracked and well, broken.

„She‘s hyperventilating“, Danial pointed out. „Yeah no shit, sherlock.“ - „Max, let’s just focus on her right now, okay?“, the seven time world champion told the two time world champion. „Who’s garage is the nearest?“, Lewis asked into the round. „The Ferrari one is the first one on the grid“, Daniel said. „Let’s go then.“

Daniel led the way, fetching Lando on the way, she’d appreciate the support from the youngster. Even though he complained a lot to Danny.

„Don’t look, don’t look, we’re just passing through“, Daniel said as he tried to shield her and Lewis from all the cameras in the Ferrari garage. „What are you guys doing here?“, Carlos questioned, but as soon as he saw the crying mess in Lewis‘ arms he helped Daniel shield y/n. Carlos led them to Charles‘ side of the garage, as he had his closed off for anyone from the outside.

„What’s going on?“, a confused Charles asked the group now standing in his garage. „Charles, we need to go somewhere quiet, is that possible?“, Lewis asked the Ferrari driver. He nodded and led them to his drivers room, even though it was pretty tiny and probably wouldn’t fit all of them in it.

They set y/n on his sofa and Lewis was hovering in front of her. Lando sat on her right side, while Max was on her left. He took her hand in his, squeezing it, so she knew that he was there. „Hey y/n look at me. We’re in Charles‘ drivers room, in the Ferrari garage. Away from the media pit, okay? You’re safe with us now“, Lewis told her. „Breath with us.“

„In and out, just like that, darling, follow Lewis‘ breathing“, Daniel complimented y/n. „You’re doing great, shatje. So, so great. We’re all so proud of you.“

„You can let it all out, we won’t judge you“, Charles told her and just as he did, the dam broke. Her tears fell down onto her knees, she sobbed uncontrollably. She leaned her head on Landos shoulder and he pulled her close into his side. „You’re doing so well, love.“ - „Just keep breathing, don’t forget to breath“, Carlos told her. He was standing in the doorway with Charles, acting as bodyguards.

Danny walked around the room, trying to find something for y/n to drink out of. „Hey Charles, do you have some water or a bottle?“ The driver clad in red reacted fast and brought the Australian a tall glass of water. He brought y/n the glass and she had to stop crying to drink. Afterwards she got the hiccups. „There, there love, everything’s okay“, Lewis took her glass and patted her knee. „Remember what I told you? You’re gonna go far, okay? Don’t let that prick tell you otherwise.“

„At least you’d look pretty there.“

„Huh?“, the room asked, as she mumbled the sentence.

„At least you’d look pretty there. That’s what he said“, she looked up from her seat, to the room full of supporting people. „At least you’d look pretty.“

Max was so angry again, he could’ve killed that man, if it wasn’t for Daniel holding him back. „I am going to kill that man“, Max growled. y/n giggled: „Maxie, don’t, he doesn’t deserve death. He deserves to live a long, pitiful life.“

„We’re glad you’re laughing again, y/n“, Charles said. „Yes, very much so.“ Everyone agreed with Charles. „I love you guys, but how’d you even know that I was having a tough time?“, y/n asked confused. Lewis had to laugh: „Seb called me. Said he saw you on the TV all riled up and ready to cry and that I should already be on my way to help you, but I talked over him the whole time“ He scratched his neck and y/n laughed a loud belly laugh. „That’s so typical!“

°°°

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#f1 x reader #formula 1 #f1 #charles leclerc x reader #carlos sainz x reader #daniel ricciardo #charles leclerc #fernando alonso #genz driver #sebastian vettel x reader #kevin magnussen #nico hülkenberg #lance stroll #max verstappen f1 #max verstappen x you #max verstappen #female driver #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton x reader

1K notes · View notes

arielleslipgloss · 2 months

Text

It Girl Habits!!

(none of these photos are mine)

“You cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours.” - Anne Hathaway

Stay busy!! Do you see those it girls like Serena Van Der Woodsen scrolling on their phone all day? No, you rarely do. It girls are always busy doing something. So, therefore do some self care, study, workout, read, journal, go shopping, go on solo dates, hang out with friends, paint, have a dance party, etc. Do fun activities and take care of yourself. Another example of a busy it girl is, Elle Woods. Elle Woods wasn’t becoming one with the couch everyday. She had goals to achieve. She had people that doubted her to prove wrong. So get up! Start planning out your day or week. Start making goals!!

Have goals! You wanna know why you’re bored all the time? Well, it’s because you have no goals. You practically don’t have a life because all you do is sleep, eat, scroll, and repeat. You’re wasting time doing nothing. You could’ve had a clean room by now. Maybe you could have finished that book. Whatever it is, you could have had it. You could’ve been 1% better than yesterday. You don’t though because you have no goals. That time you’re wasting, can be used toward your goals. It can be used toward your dream life. Maybe, you do have goals? Yet you don’t even take action. What are you waiting for? For someone to do the work for you? No, get up and start taking action.

Be mindful of what you consume online!! Just like how who you surround yourself with affects you. What you consume online affects how and who you are. For example, listening to sad music makes you feel sad. Music is meant to tell a story that you feel deeply. You may not even relate to the song, but you feel as if you do. So, you become sad and continue to listen to sad music. When listening to uplifting music you gain confidence. You still feel like you relate to the song. Just with a more positive effect. As for what you watch and read. Don’t read/watch stuff that will put you down. Watch/read content that will help you.

Complimenting yourself every time you pass the mirror!! Some may say it’s cringy, but DO IT. Would you rather be cringy or be the best version of yourself? Exactly, so either say it out loud or in your head. Say it even if you might not believe it. Say it because you deserve it! Try to be creative with your compliments. Not all compliments have to be about your looks. It could be your personality, your thoughtfulness, how creative you are, etc. Also loosen up, be your own hype girl. When you see the mirror you could say, “Omg I look like the main character.” “Oh wait, I am!” Lastly, don’t forget to have fun with hyping yourself up.

Mediating or journaling when stressed!! When stressed we start to feel a lot of tension. So, that’s why meditating is so important to do when stressed. All you have to do is sit down and focus on breathing. Plus, It calms down your nerves, relaxes the mind, body, and soul. Not just that, but plenty of other benefits. Which includes, helps focus, betters mood, helps you sleep, slows down aging, etc. As for journaling, it’s practically free therapy! That is, at least in my eyes. All you need is a notebook, a pen or pencil, and yourself. Journal what’s making you stressed or anxious. Let all your emotions out, write freely. Your words don’t have to make sense. Nor do you need to have perfect writing. In fact, when you journal it may be all over the place. However or whatever you write, just let it out.

Expressing your gratitude!! Life is so beautiful and has so much meaning. So, either write down what you’re grateful for or thank God. You are so blessed to be here today. That is only just one thing to be grateful for. There are so many things to be grateful for, air, family, friends, your mind, being born as you, water, books, food, shoes, clothes, and so much more!! Express your gratitude everyday. It could be the most random thing like, a poster. As long as you’re truly grateful, then express it.

7. Having a low screen time!! Cliché, I know but it’s true. Your devices are consuming you. Think about what you use your device(s) for. Good examples are, for work, for motivation, tips, workout videos, inspiration, knowledge, and maybe even faith reasons. Now here are bad examples, procrastinating, sinning, hating on others, scrolling, because you’re bored, to watching videos of people that make you insecure, and lastly to cope with something. Which to clarify, trying to cope by using your phone, I understand somewhat. On the other hand, it could make what you’re coping with worse. I say that because there are so many studies on why our phone is bad for us. Seriously, so many and we are completely unaware of the damage it does. So for that reason, try to use your phone only for the good. I know you’re probably going to make an excuse. Which we all do and that’s ok, but please try.

8. Encouraging yourself to do better!! You should always be working hard to be 1% better everyday. So on the days you don’t feel like doing anything, encourage yourself. Show up for yourself, you will be so happy after. Lastly, trust yourself to get whatever done!!

9. Having a healthy sleep schedule!! For me, I try to aim for 8-11 hours of sleep. For others, it may be 7-10 hours of sleep. Whatever makes you feel the most well-rested should work. Just try to be consistent and mindful of the time. I also recommend to be off your phone for at least 30-60 minutes before going to bed. It will improve how you sleep a lot. That also being said, try not to be on your phone when you wake up either. It’ll help improve your health by a lot. Especially, the health of your brain and eyes. As I had mentioned, try to be consistent. Set a certain time to go to bed and turn off your phone. Then, get your lovely beauty sleep gorgeous!!

10. CLEANING!! The last habit is, cleaning. Now, I don’t just meaning cleaning your room or house. I mean even your body and mind. For starters, a clean room equals a clean mind. Therefore, stop procrastinating and start cleaning. Turn on some fun music and maybe even romanticize cleaning. Just make it fun and DEEP clean. I know someone reading this has been procrastinating on cleaning. You know who you are, so clean everything. Then, for cleaning the mind a little extra meditate. I feel like I already went over a bit about meditation. So lastly, for the body, take your showers consistently. Also, please wear deodorant. I see way too many people nowadays not wearing deodorant. Seriously, wear your deodorant.

“Always walk around like you have on an invisible tiara on.” - Paris Hilton

Remember, always apply lip gloss and stay pretty! Love you, dolls 💋

Info I used: https://reallifecounseling.us/blog/benefits-of-meditation

My Pinterest: @arielleslipgloss

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frenziedfireworks · 10 months

Text

Bad Days

Bad Days with HP Boys!

(Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter)

CW : Mentions of anxiety (Fred), Draco being a lil inept to feelings, Ron being a bully (Draco), cheesy pet names, GN!Reader

Fred Weasley :

Fred can tell what mood you're in most of the time. If you’re in a really shit mood he will baby you.. If it’s not as bad he will go for jokes and humor instead.

“Babe look at me” “I’m not in the mood Fred” “Just look”

He will blow himself up with some fireworks to prove his point and make you happy (much to your disagreeance)

He will do anything you need.. ANYTHING. Just ask.

You had laid on the couch with your thoughts for what felt like hours. You still felt as anxious as when you started your ‘calming’ routine. You didn’t know why nothing was working today and everything felt off. Even normal and casual things had become the pinnacle of impossibility.

“Ahem. Y/N, I would like to welcome you to the one and only show. A secret show just for you!” Your boyfriend bowed, his hands working at lighting sparklers. You watched as he did a silly jig, painting small pictures of hearts with the sparklers. The lights went out and he set the burnt sticks on the counter. Kneeling down to be level with the couch his hand brushed your cheek.

“Did you like my show, bunny?” His lips tickled against yours as he stole more than a few fair shares of kisses. You couldn’t help but grin into him as he attempted to crawl beside you.

“Babe you are too big to fit on that tiny portion of the couch.”

“Watch me.”

George Weasley :

George picks up on your mood right away.

He drops anything and everything and drags you to his bed

“The universe was telling me it’s cuddle time” “Is that so”

He will NOT let you out of bed.. Just accept your fate

“Fuck me.” You grunted as you walked into the living room. You had not had the best day at work and it seemed to only get worse. Your coworker had spilled coffee on you and then you got splashed with mud on your small walk back to the house.

“Well don’t you look ravishing. Mud really suits your eyes, darling.” George snorted as you shrugged off your coat and shoes. You rubbed a hand over your face and sighed. You started walking to your shared bathroom hoping to get rid of the reminder of said shit day.

“Baby, stop for a minute!”

You turned ever so slowly to George’s frame which stood tall right behind. You raised an eyebrow.

“Take a shower and then come to bed, yeah? I need to treat you to some signature Weasley cuddles. They’re known to cure anything.” He leaned down to press a quick kiss to your lips and winked, leaving you alone to your thoughts. You felt yourself as you smiled just a tiny bit. He was something else.

Draco Malfoy :

“What’s got you all pissy” (He didn’t mean it he swears)

The moment he realizes you are not just being sassy/sarcastic he is chasing you down

“Babe I’m so sorry what’s wrong”

I feel like Draco has a lot of bad days and knows how it feels so he just sits and listens

He holds your hand/rubs his fingers across your palm.

“I’m sorry darling, you’ll always have me”

You walked out of Potions class absolutely fuming. The audacity of Ron Weasley to purposefully blow up your cauldron and then laugh at you! You had held back a few choice words and hexes, stomping away to be alone. You jumped as you hit something hard and a hand wrapped around your torso.

“Geez, love. Are you mad enough?” Draco smirked and you growled. You smacked your boyfriend's arms away and started sprinting.

“Wait-Wait! Y/N!” Draco yanked at your shoulder forcing you to come to a halt.

“What in the world is wrong? I didn’t mean that to be rude. I’m sorry.”

You rolled your eyes. This day just kept getting worse and worse. You knew he didn’t mean any harm but you were already so wound up that it felt like a gate came crashing down.

“Everything! Fucking potions is a mess. Ron decides to blow up my cauldron and Snape gives me a lecture.. I can’t get a fucking break.” You crumbled to the floor as the sobs continued.

“I’m just sick of this, Dray.”

His hand wrapped around yours, fingers running soothing circles on your skin.

“I know, love. It’ll get better.”

Harry Potter :

He just raises an eyebrow and takes you outside

“Where are we going Harry?” “Thought you’d like to clear your mind, love”

He just lets you talk for the most part and rubs your back while the two of you walk

Once you get it all out he will give you a little forehead kiss and make sure you’re all better :))

“Hey-” Harry startled you, your teary eyes meeting him. It had really not been your day and the last thing you wanted was for your boyfriend to find you like this.

“Harry, I-”

He shushed you, hand wrapping around your wrist to pull you up from your hiding cubby. He rubbed away at the teardrops that stained your cheek and sighed. You could tell he was worried to have found you that way but more concerned on getting you better.

He stepped away and held his arm out for you to take. The two of you fell into step as he led you out the back of the castle and onto the green grass of the highlands. The wind felt nice against your skin and you felt more at peace with Harry’s warmth next to you.

“Thank you. I really needed this.” You murmured and gave the boy a small smile when he met your stare. He gave you a reassuring hug and hummed.

“Anything for you. Come to me next time, okay?”

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iwas-princess · 1 year

Note

hihihi can I plzpkzplzpkz have iwaizumi hajime w a oikawas little sister!reader

iwaizumi hajime • my pride and joy

genre: fluff/suggestive

“babe, should we bring the watermelon or beer?” hajime called from the kitchen. his eyes were fixated on the brand new bottle of wine in his hands as he read the label curiously, a crease forming between his brows and a frown on his lips giving away his current emotion.

“um, i think kawa is going to bring the watermelons.” you answered as you entered the room after getting ready in the bedroom. “wait, no- matsukawa is.”

“so beer it is.” he sighed before settling the bottle into the open tote bag on the counter, his attention having yet to travel on you ever since you walked in.

“sorry.” you apologetically mumbled, watching his back muscles contort briefly when he set the wine down.

your prideful older brother, toru, was hosting a celebratory cookout in honor of his departure to argentina next week, gathering everyone he had ever met in his luxurious backyard this evening.

you were already practically sick that he would be so far away from you for a pretty large period of time, and this crowded get together didn’t help calm your nerves. if you weren’t dating his best friend, you easily could have gotten away with not attending and rescheduling with him in the morning to go out for lunch instead. but, iwaizumi persisted that you both go, reasoning that it would ‘matter more in the future’ and ‘you’re his favorite person, you have to go’. it was pathetic how well you listened to him, you decided.

his breath hitched as he turned around and caught sight of you, suddenly feeling anxious for the following few hours with you and two hundred other people. hajime always knew you were gorgeous, even as a child, but it never failed to take his breath away at how well you cleaned up.

“hey, sexy.” he mumbled under his breath before cockily leaning against the marble counter and shamelessly checking you out.

your cheeks heated at his attention, his predatory gaze and sly smirk making your sundress feel suddenly tight. you knew it was one of his favorites, but had faith that he would try to keep it together just for today— even at home. but, obviously you were too hopeful because now he’s practically drooling on his shirt.

“haji, wait until we get home before you start flirting. you’re only going to work yourself up with no relief.”

he groaned like a angsty teenager, throwing his head back dramatically at your denial. he understood why, of course, given that you both were staying at oikawa’s until the later when party had ended, but he still found himself slightly disappointed. it would be hours until you arrived home, hours of other people gawking at you while trying to hide from hajime’s view to avoid getting killed and he really wasn’t in the mood to watch you cry as he and toru argued over a ruined party.

since childhood, iwaizumi had been scarily protective of you, even more so than your own brother. everyone was terrified of him when it came to you, and even though you were hot, they all knew better than to pay you any mind. any more than a quick ‘hi’ would send them home battered and sulking, and absolutely no one planned on that fate tonight.

but, he was sure someone would try to tempt him with the way that dress hugged your curves.

“oh, stop acting like a child. you’ll get your fix on the car ride home— if you’re good.” you placed a quick kiss to his jaw for reassurance as you left the room once more, heading to the bathroom to finish your makeup.

good, he’ll be indeed.

—

the party was chaotic, just as you and hajime had suspected. your brother’s two acer backyard was filled with far more people than he had claimed he invited, and the many conversations overlapped each other loudly.

it was gorgeous though, the decorators sure outdid themselves with the many yards of fairy lights that hung over everyone’s heads and the floral arrangements took all of the guest’s breath away as they entered. drinks were in each hand, the variety being either a wine glass or a beer bottle, most picking the former.

tonight, you and iwaizumi chose to stay near the gazebo where oikawa and his fiancé stood as they greeted all of the guests and old friends of his with large smiles on their faces. most old high school teammates would make their way over to you two next, itching to catch up with the former ace and his girlfriend— his captain’s baby sister.

all of sejioh remembers the infamous oikawa y/n, the girl who was very off limits but everyone wanted, especially her brother’s teammates. it had been a common locker room joke that she would marry one of them someday, and they would gush about how great of a wife she’d be. iwaizumi would often find himself in a good amount of trouble afterward for getting physical with whoever would bring it up, or take of too far, and you had never loved him more than when you heard all of those stories.

“i just can’t believe that you were her pick.” an old teammate shook his head in disbelief as he downed his wine. “i mean, don’t get me wrong, iwa, i’m not surprised you were in love with her, especially after all of those punches i got back then, but wow. i’m just shocked she chose you and not hanamakki. they were good friends there for a while, y’know?”

you could practically feeling the anger fuming off of your boyfriend as your arms linked with him, his tan skin feeling clammy and heated against yours. his face was slightly red, tinted with light frustration from his old friend’s tipsy ramble. it was his second glass, and he had been talking both of your ears off for an hour now about ‘the good old days’. you wouldn’t have minded if hajime hadn’t felt so stiff and hot with each word the man spoke.

“yeah, well, i guess i was more her type than makki.” he shrugged, trying his best to come off as unbothered. “right, babe?”

you nodded, flashing a tight smile at his forced tone.

the flex of his arm as it suddenly tucked you closer to him caused a wave of need to flash through you, his possessiveness and strength making him even more attractive tonight.

you glanced at his face, but soon regretted it once you found that you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. he was a hunk, his face flushed slightly out of aggravation and lips in a very forced smile, as if he was trying his best not to frown angrily. you’ve always thought his hotheaded nature was attractive but tonight, it had done something entirely different to you.

you didn’t feel the insatiable need to tear his clothes off, or makeout with him in the bathroom until you both got caught— you felt proud.

proud that you had been lucky enough to find someone so obsessed with you that the mention of your ‘choice’ had him fuming and tightly trapping your arm in his.

also, so very proud that he was trying his best to appear far more positive than he actually felt, an accomplishment that he had never been able to achieve. but for you, he did.

and you had never felt so perfect for him than now.

“yep, definitely my type.”

#iwaizumi 🌷#iwaizumi #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi x reader fluff #iwaizumi x chubby reader #iwaizumi x chubby reader fluff #iwaizumi hajime x reader smut #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader fluff #iwaizumi hajime x chubby reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x chubby reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader fluff

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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 4 months

Text

❤️

After Eddie catches you and Steve kissing it may just be the wake up call he's always needed... Maybe.

Warnings: Jealous Eddie, slightly clueless but not for long Eddie.

Read part one here

Part two

Don't copy, reuse or repost my work.

❤️

Eddies reaction to you kissing Steve confused you. You'd never seen him look at you like that.

Steve had helped you out of the pool and you had attempted to find Eddie in the house but he was no where to be seen.

Jessie was flirting with Jason's friend Jordan, shit! No wonder Eddie was upset. Anxious to find him you look all around the house but he's nowhere to be seen.

Steve does his best to calm you down but all you could think about was finding Eddie. If he was upset about Jessie then you needed to make sure he was alright.

After a while you sit down with Steve and he's sweet as he distracts you from your worries. It's nice to talk to someone about Eddie and your feelings for him, in turn he opens up about Nancy and it feels like the beginning of a new friendship.

Something that you felt was much needed, an outlet away from the Hellfire Club and away from Eddie's ears.

It's cathartic to let out all of your feelings instead of bottling them up.

"You know I saw Munson's face when he saw us kissing. That's not the reaction of someone who thinks of you as just a friend"

You shrug sadly. "Then why has he never said anything?" surely if he did feel the same way then he would admit it? Eddie was never one to stay quiet about how he felt.

"Maybe seeing us together gave him the knock on the head that he needed. I know all about that"...

❤️

You didn't expect to go to school on Friday and all eyes be on you but they were.

Whispers followed you wherever you went, your little flirtation with Steve Harrington was top gossip for the day.

It was a relief to get to lunch and hide away at The Hellfire table, no one would care about the gossip in the halls here.

Or so you thought anyway.

Today Eddie wasn't in a good mood, in fact he looked downright pissed off. You hadn't spoken to him since last night so you had no idea if this was about Jessie or Steve.

Surely he couldn't be pissed at you about Steve... Right?

His whole demeanour seemed off, the others were chatting between themselves and no one mentioned Steve so you felt like you could relax.

"So, uh we heard a rumour about you and a certain former King of Hawkins " Gareth grins, eyes dancing with playfulness.

Well so much for a quiet lunch.

"We heard all about your pool activities. My lab partner was told by Jordan who was told by Jason" Jeff shrugs and you bristle at the usual gossip hounds.

"It was a kiss. A very nice kiss but just that. I don't know why everyone is so bothered" you knew it would blow over by Monday when the latest scandal or gossip hit the student body.

Eddie drums his fingers impatiently and you sense danger in his look.

"What's up with you?" Gareth asks him and Eddie's eyes briefly meet yours.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe I'm sick of hearing all about Harrington's swoon worthy kisses or the fact that my best friend would fall for his shit"

Dustin frowns. "I keep telling you Eddie man that Steve is so different now. He's a great guy" Eddie ignores him.

"He is Eddie. You shouldn't be so judgemental about him. He's changed a lot since leaving Hawkins High" you murmur. You're already annoyed at his reaction. How many times has he went on and on about his crushes and love life but it's a big no no when you do it?

"Just didn't think he'd be your type" he replies and this does nothing to calm you down.

"Or there's no way I could be Steve's type" his words from last night still stung. Eddie's face softens but soon turns pissed off again.

"Would you stop that. You're beautiful princess" the chatter around the table immediately quietens and Eddie's cheeks flush pink for a few seconds.

And then Eddie opens his mouth again and the butterflies in your belly feeling vanishes at once.

"I just didn't think you'd be the type to be into dudes like that. All about appearance, perfect" you gape at him wordlessly the shake your head furious, you'd had enough of his assumptions.

"Steve is a great guy Eddie. It's not my fault that you can't see that. I've been in love with someone for a year and yet you've never once noticed that" the words escape you and you swear internally.

Fuck, why the heck did that little secret have to blurt out? Eddie stiffens and looks at you aghast.

"Who? Fuck, its not Carver is it?" the fact he'd even think you would like Jason is insulting and traitor tears roll down your cheeks.

"Eddie Munson you can never see what's right in front of you" You storm off leaving Eddie with a sinking heart, he hides the growing pain inside of him, that sharp intense ache that he felt as soon as you confessed you were in love with someone.

"Do you know who it is?" he asks Gareth who shrugs helpless. At this point Mike rolls his eyes and nudges Dustin and Lucas.

"And you call me clueless" he mutters so Eddie doesn't hear him. Unfortunately that doesn't work out so well and he's struck with a flying pretzel.

Oops.

💖

Steve is waiting for you after Hellfire and you've never been more relieved to see. Eddie however is watching you walk up to Steve and all he can feel is a burning in his gut when Steve pulls you into a hug.

He never thought that he would ever be jealous of Steve Harrington but he was proven wrong. Clearly you were under Steve's spell, why wouldn't you be? He was handsome, rich, a badass according to Dustin.

Between Steve and this mystery guy you were in love with it hadn't been a good day for Eddie at all. He'd been out of sorts since last night.

Maybe because it was a wake up call that he desperately needed. He knows he needs to step up. He doesn't want to lose you because he didn't speak up in time.

It's something he struggles with all day, now that he's realised how he feels it's like every moment with you over the last six months was repeating back in his head.

Now he understood why he had grown more and more protective of you. Why he was so pissed when he heard that one of the douchebags on the basketball team thought you were cute.

Lucas had told him and Eddie spent the rest of the day winding the dude up, growing more and more restless if Simon even looked your way.

Wayne grows annoyed with his angsty energy and gives Eddie an exasperated look.

"Son, why don't you just tell yn how you feel and get it over with" Eddie gapes wordlessly, he didn't even realise that Uncle Wayne knew about this.

"How did you... Wayne grins and pats Eddie on the shoulder.

"You're not subtle Eddie. I see the way you two look at each other, speak up and put the two of you out of this misery" Eddie's heart speeds up and he feels a spark of hope.

If Wayne was so sure about how you felt then perhaps he needed to take this chance?

🖤

You're suprised when Eddie shows up at your door later that night. He looks nervous but kind of keyed up at the same time.

"Eddie are you okay?" he nods takes a deep breath and then begins to talk.

"Look, I'm sorry that I was a dick today. Seeing you with Steve I... The truth is I hated it and I hate the thought of you with him or anyone else and I'm an idiot for not realising that I've fallen for you hard"

Eddie's confession stuns you and you sit down beside him as it sinks in. He likes you. Fallen hard for you.

"What about Jessie?" he shrugs.

"We chatted at the party but she was just so pretentious sweetheart. Boring, all I could think about was that I'd rather be with you" beaming you move closer to him and he pulls you in his arms gently stroking your cheek.

"Uncle Wayne is certain you feel the same and I really hope you do and I haven't made an ass of myself" he says in a rush and you cuddle into him.

"Eddie you're the guy I'm in love with. So yeah, Wayne's right" a beautiful smile breaks across Eddie's face and you're both in a giddy haze.

After an agonising second Eddie kisses you. He pours all of his feelings into the kiss as you also do. It's perfect. The way his heart speeds up and his dick goes hard when you let out a tiny moan is heaven to him.

He's an idiot, he could have been kissing you like this for months of he hadn't been so clueless about your feelings and his.

He doesn't plan to waste anymore time and he isn't going to mess up. You're his finally and that's the way he always wants it to be.

💖

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x platonic!reader

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ki-irke · 1 year

Note

Reader dated Derek in high school and got pregnant. She didn’t find out until after he left for college years later her daughter/son ends up in Seattle grace and mark know or knew

Derek shepherd x fem reader

You left me

Paring: Derek Shepherd x fem!reader

Summary: If you knew, that the father of your daughter is one of the surgeons at Seattle Grace, you would force her to choose another hospital.

Words: 1054

A/N: Sydney is a name for your daughter. I tried, okay?

You had a weird feeling that something was going to happen today.

Your daughter was going to be an intern at Seattle Grace, and it was her important day. Of course, you were a supportive mutter. She was dreaming about being a doctor, so you couldn't stop her.

A long time ago, you wanted to be a doctor too. And you find this man, named Derek, who had a similar dream to you.

You met in your biology lesson in high school. The teacher ordered a change of seats for the start of the new school year, and so Derek Shepherd became your good classmate. You were sitting in the back of the class, so you could chat a lot.

First, you become good friends. You werestudying together, sometimes you were meeting at lunch.

Then, you become somewhat like best friends. You started meeting at home and going out.together, going to a party together.

And finally, you become a classy couple.

Everyone liked you, and they cheered for you. You were happy. Everything was great; you were planning a future together, looking for college and some cute apartments.

And then he just left.

"What do you mean he left?" you asked Mrs. Shepherd, standing with her in their kitchen. She sighed and wiped her tear-stained cheeks. Mr. Shepherd was standing next to her, slowly drinking his alcohol, but he was visibly sad too.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." She passed me the note that Derek left.

'I'm leaving for college. DW about me. Tell y/n that I'm sorry.'

"How could he?" I started, but I stopped and just cried. Mrs. Shepherd moved to me and hugged me, letting me cry. Soon Mr. Shepherd came to us, and we were all just sitting in their kitchen, crying about their son.

And then it started.

Morning sickness, mood swings, and tiredness.

Pregnancy took you by surprise. You didn't want to be a single mom, but you kept the baby.

It was the only thing that kept you alive.

Your parents and Derek's parents helped you out, so you could give birth to a beautiful girl. And because of her, you let go of your medical dream.

And now you were sitting at home, feeling more anxious by the second. Your best friend, Bonnie, was sitting with you. You met her at a "course' for single moms. And it immediately clicked. Her son and your daughter are nowstarting their work as interns at Seattle Grace.

"Something is off, Bonnie," you said, sipping your tee.

"It's because your baby girl didn't text or call you yet." She smirked, looking at you.

"Don't make fun of me. They are at work, and you know how hospitals are."

"Yup. Craaazy," you nooded. "You want something stronger than a tee?"

"You know what? Fuck it," you said, loosening your hair. "Gimmie some beer or whiskey."

"And now it's getting better!"

You are much calmer now. You weren't drunk,

but alcohol kind of calmed you. And you have this amazing idea to come to Seattle Grace and talk to your friends. You knew Bailey, Cally, and most importantly, your other best friend, Mark. He knew you in high school and also knew about your kid. But still, he hadn't told Derek.

"So how's Sydney on her first day?" You asked while giving Mark his coffee.

"She's doing great. Make some new friends, you know."

"That's good. I was kind of scared, to be honest," I said, taking a sip of my coffee. "All morning, I had this weird feeling that something was going to happen."

"Maybe I know what it is," Mark said, stopping in his tracks. "Just don't be mad, okay?"

"Just tell me what it is, Mark."

"Soo," he started, looking at something behind my back. "Derek is here. And now I am taking your daughter."

"He's what?" I asked, a smile dropping from my face. I quickly turned around, just to see that Sydney was really talking to Derek. "He knows?"

"God, no, I'm not like that," he answered loudly, which made Derek turn around. He sent Mark a small smile. Sydney finally noticed me, and when she did, her smile grew bigger. She didn't say a word to Shepherd; she just ran to us.

"Hi mom, hi Mark," I smiled to her.

"Coffee?" She nodded, so I gave her my cup. "Jeez, you look good in that."

Sydney laughed. Derek slowly came to us but didn't say anything. I talked with her for a minute. Well, mostly she was talking. It was good seeing your kid this happy. But then her pager went on, and she sent me a sad look.

"Go, Sydney. You're at work, remember?" I asked, smiling. She nodded and kissed my check, then ran off.

And then there were just you three. You looked at Mark first and then at Derek, and you immediately knew that he recognized you.

"I think someone needs me right now," says Mark, trying to leave. "Yup, definitely someone needs one. Bye, Y/N!" He said he was quickly moving away from us.

"So, hi," Derek said, sending you one of his charming smiles.

"Your smile doesn't work on me anymore. Not after you left me," I said. He said this and ran his hand through his hair.

"Look, I'm sorry—" He started, but I was too angry to let him talk.

"Don't sorry, Derek, you left me with—" You paused. "You left me! We were supposed to go to college together, to get married, and to have a family together, but you just left me and didn't even say goodbye." You said that, feeling the tears in your eyes.

"Y/N, I—" He sighed. "Sydney. She's mine, right?"

"She would be, if you hadn't left me." You said it quietly, rubbing your eyes to wipe away the few tears that had fallen.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm really sorry." He moved and hugged me tightly. "I know it was hard for you, but please, just give me one chance to try to fix this."

"You can't fix it." You said you were moving away from him. "But I can give you one chance. Just one." You added it, making him smile. Still, you smiled slightly.

"Thank God." He moved and kissed your forehead. "I'll fix this, I promise. I'll make a proper family with you".

Maybe his charming smile was still working for you.

#greys anatomy #greys anatomy imagine #derek shepherd x reader #derek shepherd imagine #derek shepard #derek shepherd

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alhaithamsproperty · 1 year

Text

GEPARD X READER HEADCANONS *ೃ༄

Already mentioned some here, but i was thinking about Gepard a lot (as one does‼️), so here’s more <3😩.

Also I got that mfs E1 on standard a few days back😭 maaan I wanted a new character, but always happy to see my bby🤍.

ALSO my friend said he looks like prince Ben from Descendants and I can’t unsee it hELP💀.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

sfw:

❄️ he’s a shy man alright, he grew up not caring about romance at all so when you appeared and turned his whole world and priorities upside down, he was flustered, didn’t know what to do.

❄️ now he doesn’t mind taking the initiative, grabbing your wrist and turning you around to face him, slamming his lips against yours and pushing your body where he wants it, which is against his. if he wants to feel you, he will.

❄️ oh boy but in the beginning… serval did a lot for him, if it weren’t for her you two would probably still not be together, because it was always hard to read him, he had an invisible wall in front of him every single time

❄️ not that he meant to have an invisible wall, he was just so shy he didn’t know what to say or do most of the time so he did what he knew best: shield himself in.

❄️ like i mean it, you’d be worried he does not care and he would be worried if he didn’t say something stupid, it was a big mess.

❄️ now?? now that ass will cuddle you, grab you, mumble “i love you i love you i love you” until you’re giggling because his breath tickles your neck, he will hum songs while you’re falling asleep, you’ll be walking past him and he’ll just grab you and sit you on his lap and tell you to rest.

❄️ his love language is physical contact, which is something he didn’t know before he discovered it.

❄️ he even described it to his sister… i love touching her, holding her hand, her leg, her— serval stopped him right there.

❄️ it’s got a lot to do with him being so busy, he’s practically never home (oh yeah did i mention you’d absolutely live together and have rooms full of plants and flowers?), his duty as a guard is and will always be his number one priority, and luckily you are understanding enough, but sometimes he gets anxious anyway.

❄️ he’ll think he’s not giving you enough of his time and that you might eventually grow unhappy and unsatisfied with him, so whenever he has the chance he holds you, even if it means resting his palm on your thigh, playing with your fingers during dinner, brushing his hand on your back gently while making dinner, anything. he needs to touch you, to remind you he’s there.

❄️ he’s tall.

❄️ tall bf.

❄️ he’s tall btw, so he constantly leans over you, his entire arm resting right above your head whenever he wants to tell you something, his other hand cupping your face even if you’re having an innocent conversation.

��️ he loves to hug you from behind. he’ll rest his chin on top of your head and just watch what you’re doing.❄️

❄️ he’s a good cook (green flag).

❄️ he’s that type of guy who you’d mention “uhm i had a weird dream about waffles today,” and an hour later he’ll bring you waffles.

❄️ surprisingly bad with kids, he’ll unintentionally make them cry because he’d talk to them about the reality of life as if they were adults and tell them how a healthy diet is important.

(A/N: it’s actually in his voicelines 😭 poor guy)

❄️ you’re surprisingly good with kids so they always calm down and laugh with you, and you give them lots of candy.

❄️ he loves you even more every single time this happens btw and his heart just fills with warmth.

❄️ sneaking out to see him on his night patrols, a lot.

❄️ it depends on his mood, sometimes he’ll welcome you and take a night walk with you, talk and laugh about your days and hold your hand and kiss your cheek and constantly ask if you’re cold.

❄️ sometimes he’ll send you right back home because he’s too busy, or because it’s dangerous. if he’s worried about you he’s strict.

❄️ you’re upset by that because sometimes you really don’t get much time together, so you wanted to at least talk to him there. he knows you’re upset and he hugs and cuddles and kisses you the entire morning, he’s usually working night shifts so when he arrives back home in the morning he often skips sleep just to spend time with you (you don’t approve of this, but he insists).

❄️ your entire apartment is filled with flowers and plants and it’s one of your favorite activities to just go visit the flower shops and go crazy with how much you buy🥰.

❄️ it’s a bit too much at this point honestly.

❄️ if you have to leave for a few days half of the flowers are dying by the time you come back. and he’ll panic and desperately ask serval and peela how to fix them.

❄️ he gets flustered a lot, you catching him as he hums to himself? immediately goes blushing, you grabbing his hips to pull him to you? he’ll chuckle and look away to hide how his cheeks go red.

❄️ but he’s also jealous as fuck.

❄️ he doesn’t abuse his power but if he just senses someone being too friendly with you he’ll grab your waist and remind everyone he’s the guard captain.

❄️ sampo likes you a bit too much and he always goes feral and threatens to lock him up for “all his crimes” but it’s really to just scare him off away from you.

❄️ one time he mentioned something about if someone went missing, the guards might not find them.

❄️ he’ll kiss you so passionately and hard and force his tongue down your throat if someone makes him jealous, all the shyness leaves his body at that moment.

❄️ movie nights with serval 🤍.

❄️ he loves your thighs so much, he loves it when you sit on his lap, when he can stroke them unger the table, when you come out of the shower in just his shirt and he can stare.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

‼️nsfw:

❄️ submissive.

❄️ like SO submissive, most of the time he’s on his knees for you.

❄️ he’s so tall that if he goes down to his knees his head is in the perfect position to eat you out, he’ll wrap your legs around his shoulders and push you against the door or wall or the matress and whimper as he lets his tongue play with your clit.

❄️ “i know, i know, baby, it was a busy day at the patrol today, here, let me make it up to you,” and gets on his knees and pulls your shorts down slowly.

❄️ loves it when you pull his hair.

❄️ praises you a lot, “ah, you are so pretty” “beautiful” “my pretty girl” but also loves to be praised.

❄️ he loves it when you suffocate him with your thighs, he loves it when you pull on his hair whenever he eats you out, he loves it when you pull so hard you force him to look at you from beneath you.

❄️ he’ll stare into your eyes the whole time and wait for reactions from you, if you’re not praising him enough he’ll make you praise him until you can’t even speak.

❄️ he whimpers a lot. his breath gets caught in his throat when he moans.

❄️ you tease him a lot, whenever you don’t want him to leave for his shift you’ll be more touchy, you’ll sit on his lap during breakfast, you’ll give his neck kisses and little bites and he’ll groan and think about it the entire day.

❄️ a lot of those night walks ending up in heavy make outs in dark alleys.

❄️ “please, geppy, please i need you, gosh i’ve been thinking about you all day,” and he’ll groan and push you against the cold wall and gently grab your thigh to wrap it around his waist.

❄️ he ends up fingering you every single time, having your legs wrapped around his waist, shaking and gasping for breath and begging him to keep going.

❄️ “that’s my girl”

❄️ “my girl”

❄️ “mine”

❄️ he’ll let you lick his fingers after and then kiss you to give him a little taste.

❄️ or he has a bit more time on some nights and will have the proper taste, and eat you out.

❄️ thigh riding. he loves it. please coat his pants, he’ll love it.

❄️ basically he loves it when you use him, he’ll lay down and let you ride his face whenever you need a little release, no problem, if he has to do something important for work he’ll let you ride his thigh until it’s covered in your slick and you are a shaking mess unable to breathe.

❄️ occasionally he’ll grab your hips to encourage you to keep moving.

❄️ you’ll shamelessly rock your hips and grind on him for hours and he can’t get enough.

❄️ will take proper care of you and properly fuck you later <3.

❄️ uses baby a lot; baby you’re so good, my girl feels good, nmph nh baby, please.

❄️ will leave bruises and hickeys on your neck and get absolutely shy and red the next day because of it.

❄️ tells you to cover it when you visit him later that day (you don’t, and he earns a bunch of glances from his guards).

❄️ if you make him jealous on purpose he’ll switch and be rough with you, wrap his hand around your neck or literally one time when one of his guards flirted with you he fucked you in a near alley, and made sure you’d be loud that night so that fucking guard would hear his skin slapping against yours and your moans and whimpers. when all of the rush disappeared he had no idea what came over him (but you seemed to like it).

❄️ besides this little incident he’s not a fan of PDA. he’ll hold your hand and kiss your cheek and buy you flowers and show his affection, but he prefers to make love to you in privacy (well— until he’s needy or until someone tries to cross the boundaries).

#gepard x reader #honkai star rail #hsr #gepard #gepard landau #gepard landau x reader #gepard hsr #gepard landau smut #gepard smut #serval landau #serval #serval hsr #hsr gepard #star rail #honkai #gepard landau imagine #gepard landau imagines #gepard imagine #gepard imagines

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stvrn-tr1ps · 2 months

Text

BAD DAY

pairing: little!matt x cg!reader

warnings: anxiety/panic attackish | lowercase intended

pink = reader/yn

blue = matt

summary: matt has a bad day wich causes him to be even more anxious and slip into littlespace.

matt is normally a quiet, calm, and sweet little. however, if he got triggered to slip into little space by having an awful day, being extremely upset, mad, or sad he's normally a little more cranky and problematic. today is a great example of one of those days. as soon as matt waked into the house he slammed the door and flopped onto the living room couch as he sobbed loudly. “hey are you okay i heard a-“ i cut myself off when i realized he was crying. “matt honey whats wrong? its okay. tell me what happened. shhh calm down.” i sat down next to him for comfort and as soon as i was sat he snuggled into me. as his sobs subsided into sniffles he sat up a little to tell me about his day. “ i woke up already feeling super anxious this morning and first thing this morning me and chris got into and argument. it put me in a bad mood already. then later that day, me and nick went to target to get more legos. while we were there we were at target we decided that for this weeks wednesday video we should unbox and play with toys. we picked out a few and when we got home we started to film immediately. towards the end of the video we unboxed this lamb and i was really excited because i picked it out and as we played with snowy more-“ i cut matt off with a confused expression “snowy?” i asked. “yes snowy. snowys my pet lamb” he said like it was obvious. “okay my bad continue.” “so as we continued to play with snowy i asked if i could keep and chris called me weird and i got defensive and was this whole thing until i couldn’t take it anymore. i started crying, ran out to my car, and just came home because it was just to much.” he finished. “oh honey im so so sorry. chris shouldn’t have called you weird. he was probably on the same level you were, anxious and having a bad day.” he nodded back in response and buried his head into my side.

“how about i go get mr. wrinkleton and your pacifier and we snuggle on the couch and watch a movie.” he perked up “can i pick the movie?” he asked shyly. i smiled “yes sweetheart, you can pick the movie” i went upstairs and grabbed mr. wrinkleton off the bed and his pacifier off the nightstand and quickly went back down to give them to matt. when i returned he was almost asleep watching the movie cars. i walked over to were he was laying and put his pacifier between his lips, mr wrinkleton in his arms and kissed him on the forehead. sometimes all you need is rest after a bad day.

AN: BYE THIS IS SO BAD LMFAOAO. first fic dont come 4 me😋😝.

#matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matthew bernard sturniolo #matthew sturniolo fanfic #christopher owen sturniolo #sturniolo age regression #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff

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anticanonsposts · 3 months

Note

maybe konig with reader who has general anxiety disorder? like calming them down when they get worked up and reassuring them?

sorry if you're uncomfortable writing about this, no pressure💞💞

good lord this has been in my inbox for a minute, I am so sorry it took so long!!!!!! but i hope you like it <3

cw: talk about anxiety, bodily symptoms, reader is chubby <3, slight angst, i think thats it, completely sfw

wc: 1, 082

overall headcanons then a little oneshot after

whenever you're anxious...

he’s really good at picking up on this kind of behavior

he can tell when you are really nervous

and in general I think he is really good at picking up on your mood and emotions already

since he also has anxiety I think he would be especially good at keeping tabs on yours

in public he would literally just give you his left hand and let it go limp, letting you do whatever you wanted to it/with it

i like to think he would also gently press down on the middle of your back or a shoulder in an attempt to get you to stop tensing up

he loves how understanding you are of his anxieties so he wants nothing more than to return that back to you

Anxiously, you sat at your desk, trying to distract yourself with your work in front of you. Fortunately your boss had a long list of things for you to do today. You needed something to distract you because last night you and your roommates got into a huge fight. You lived with three other people and last night some drama had gone down, so your anxiety was as high as ever. You had always tried to keep everyone happy, talk about issues when needed, and to be mature about problems. But unfortunately not all of your roommates shared your desire for peace or maturity level. So misunderstanding after miscommunication after another happened, and now you were stuck sitting with so much emotion, your nerves felt like they were on fire. You kept feeling drops in your stomach each time your phone buzzed. The fight had started over text and then escalated to the four of you speaking to each other. Then this morning there was so much tension in the house and everything felt so awkward. Because of some stuff in your past, instability in the home has always made you very nervous and upset. It was your one safe space that was now being threatened. But now everyone seemed to be mad at everyone else and you were trying to pick up the pieces. Once again getting lost in your thoughts, your body jolted again as your phone buzzed. But this time it was a text from your boyfriend König. You had sort of told him what was going on the night before, but you didn’t go into very much detail. However, he knew something was definitely off, in the way you were texting, he could tell that you were not feeling the best. His text was simply asking you how you were feeling. You respond with a quick ‘I’m fine!’ but he sees right through this, and before you know it your phone is buzzing with his picture displayed. Picking up the call, before you can say anything he asks,

“You’re finished working soon ja? I’ll be outside waiting ok?”

“Thank you König” you reply before you both hang up.

You were thankful that he never pushed you to give details too fast. Your anxiety was a pretty prominent part of your personality and could be a lot to handle sometimes. But König was very patient with you, always giving you reassurance when you needed it, listening to you talking through your issues while still knowing when to cut you off. He is getting better and better at gauging when you are done ranting and just getting into an obsessive never ending loop of worry. So he usually tries to avert your attention to something else and distract you.

Finally your shift is over and you head outside and see König parked along the street. As soon as he sees you he gets out of the driver's seat to open the passenger side for you.

Before you could even say anything, he says, “Do you wanna go to Culvers?” (I’m from the midwest).

“Yes please.” you reply, giving him a small smile, sliding your left hand into his right.

The drive there didn’t take very long but König didn’t once ask you about how you were feeling or what had been going on. He instead asked you what he should get since he isn’t as familiar with the delicacy that is midwestern fast food.

Once you are there, you go inside, receiving the normal amount of stares you two normally do. You being a drop dead gorgeous chubby girl and him being, well, tall. After you two order, get your food, and find a semi-secluded booth he lets you dig in and get a few bites of food in.

“Ok, you’re fed liebling, so, spill. What happened?” he asks, moving his head slightly so his eyes could meet yours.

Swallowing the bite of food in your mouth, you took a deep breath and told him. Told him how the fight started, what it was about, how you were feeling, how your thoughts were driving you completely insane and that you were drowning in overthinking. That your stomach had hurt all day because of it, and even while you were explaining everything to him, your heartbeat was racing and your breathing became uneven.

Noticing this, he reached his arm across the table and started rubbing small circles on the inside of your wrist. Taking another deep breath you leaned back in your booth seat. Feeling a lot better that you were able to rant to König, knowing that given his issues with anxiety, that he was never going to judge you. He understood exactly how you felt, and it always hurt his heart to know that you also had issues with anxiety. He never wanted you to feel that pain, so he always made sure to be a listening ear whenever you felt like this.

“Thank you König” you say, pulling your wrist back so that you are fiddling with his fingers.

“Of course y/n, its my job.” he responds, softly.

The two of you finish your food, and König drives you to your apartment. After asking him to spend the night, he more than happily agrees. The rest of the night is spent still worrying about your roommates, but finally once everyone is home. You all have a talk in the living room. And König is there, waiting for you in your room when you are done. Drama taken care of, supportive partner, and mind at ease, you finally rest your tired body and mind, cuddled up next to König.

teehee hope you liked it, i have a couple more requests in my inbox that will be out soon! in the meantime if anyone wants anything else, don't be afraid to ask :)

#könig #könig x reader #könig cod #konig smut #konig x reader #call of duty smut #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw2 #konig mw2 #konig cod #könig blurb #könig imagine #könig x you #konig blurb #konig imagine #fluff #cute #anxiety #sfw

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oneshotnewbie · 8 months

Note

Part two of the new, usual oneshot, with Olivia Benson? It was soo good!!!

Authors note: Because I'm in a good mood today, here's a second oneshot for you. Have fun reading, my sweet ones ♥

ᕚ---ᕘ

“Could the CSU salvage anything else?” Olivia asked everyone around as she swiveled her head in all directions to look around. She was extremely afraid for you, concern written all over her face. Your phone was in her hand, but the blood could be from anyone in Manhattan. Maybe you lost it and someone who was bleeding tripped over it. At least that is what she tried to tell herself so as not to panic and get lost in it.

"No. Other than the cell phone and the blood, we have no clues about what really happened here yet," the blonde answered her immediately and delicately placed her hand on her best friend's shoulder. She tried to calm her down with circular movements, but secretly she knew that every muscle in the lieutenant's body would only relax when you were back safe. "When was this found and by whom?"

"The call came in at 4:36am from an William Jacobs. He has already been driven to the station and is waiting to give his statement." the brunette stood rooted to her spot, leaning against the railing of the Central Park and feeling the rain slowly creeping through her coat while her blouse slowly soaked.

Her gaze had shifted downwards, silent tears that mixed with the pelting rain running down her cheeks. In the blurry vision she saw black boots walking towards her and when she raised her head, Fin was standing right in front of her, holding an umbrella over her figure. They walked back to their car together. When they got there, Olivia fell into his arms and began to cling to him for support. She felt as if the ground beneath her feet was slipping away. "Where is she?"

"We will find out but first you have to calm down. You will not help anyone that way."

He watched as she nodded slightly, wiping away her tears and trying to put a soft smile on her lips that she only partially managed. She sucked in the cold air and took a seat of her black Volvo. Only when the seargent had sat in the passenger seat did she start the car, traffic moving slowly.

When they arrived, Olivia Benson walked briskly into the building, her brow furrowed as she nervously climbed the stairs. Their direct destination was the interrogation room where William Jacobs was taken. She noticed that Fin was following her, but she did not pay any attention to him, just wanted to find out as quickly as possible where her fiancée was.

As she entered the small, cold room where he sat, Olivia greeted him as warmly as she could. "Hello, I am Lieutenant Olivia Benson," she sat down across from him and opened a small notepad to write down whatever information she could. The brunette saw the man sitting there slightly anxious and uncomfortable, his eyes on the door when the door opened and someone walked in. "Seargent Fin Tutuola."

Annoyed, she rolled her eyes and tapped her fingernails impatiently on the table. This was not happening fast enough for her and she looked at her partner slightly angrily. "Mr. Jacobs, you found the cell phone this morning. Have you noticed anyone who may have been acting strangely?" he tried to control the conversation in order to take some of the burden off his boss's shoulders. "No, I was jogging when I saw the cell phone. When I went there, I saw all the blood."

“Then you called the police?” The brunette now also spoke up, letting her pen play between her fingers. She was hoping for some clue to start with, so far she had nothing except the difficult amount of blood that you could not have inflicted on yourself. "Yeah, I did not touch anything. I swear."

Both detectives nodded in agreement and quickly rose from their chairs. One after the other, they shook hands with William Jacobs before all three of them left the room together and went their separate ways.

The air was stuffy and burning as Amanda entered the precinct and looked confused at the closed door to Olivia's office. She had barricaded herself and pulled her blinds down. Biting her lip, she walked towards the office and knocked before walking in and watching her boss hold the framed picture of the two of you in her hands.

"I have something for you," the blonde spoke firmly and placed another bag on her desk that was filled with something dark in color. “Is that her wallet?” She asked aggravatedly and looked worriedly at the older woman as she realized through her widened sad expression that she had hit the mark with that assumption. It was yours. "The CSU people found it in one of the nearby trash cans, we have not looked in it yet, we wanted to leave it to you. But all the fingerprints we could find were already taken."

Olivia took the evidence bag and opened it. The wallet landed in front of her nose, on her closed laptop. Grabbing two disposable gloves from one of her desk drawers, she placed them over her hands and opened her wallet. She immediately saw a photo of the two of you together, which you always carried with you. Exactly the same one that she had on her desk.

Shaking her head hastily to clear away the tears and thoughts that were welling up, she pulled out more items, including a folded old piece of paper and a silver key. But the only thing missing was your ID card. A strange feeling came over her, one that made her heart beat faster while at the same time making her feel sick.

"A key?" Amanda stated in surprise and also pulled a pair of disposable gloves out of her pocket to take the silver material. The brunette passed it on to her without words, still staring at the folded paper she held in her hand. With shaking hands she unfolded it, the corners of the paper already torn, the writing once written in pencil barely visible. Only with her glasses could she see the thin lines of numbers written in your handwriting, a small saying underneath. -In case something happens to me-

"Amanda, please find out where the key belongs immediately. Y/n did not have it in her wallet with that number and those words for nothing.“

The person addressed nodded before looking into the thoughtful face of her best friend. "Do not worry, Liv. It is not the end of you two. Trust me, we will find her." Olivia's gaze tore away from the image she had been staring at for a long time and forced a smile. "Thanks, Manda."

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gingerjolover · 7 months

Note

Can I ask for a blurb about Naomi calming down their anxious/panicking gf pls 🥺

yes you may sweetheart!

i have two scenarios in my head (if that's alright with you sweet anon)

in person and over the phone

in person, naomi gives me cuddlebug energy okay? like maybe you et home from school or work and you're just having a shit day so you lay facedown on the couch, just sobbing quietly to yourself, the anxiousness creeping up in your throat, the burning spreading across your chest. Naomi comes home chipper as ever, like in a goofball mood, ready to mess with you. "'m home love," they say in a British accent, giggling before stopping and seeing you on the couch, instantly dropping their bags as their face falls into concern. Naomi makes their way to the couch, kneeling down next to you, "Hey baby, hey," just softly rubbing your back, maybe pushing some hair away from your face and ears so they can kiss your temple. "What's wrong, sweet girl?" not knowing if you need space or comfort. Responding is hard, one wrong move and you'll be thrust into a panic attack so your pinky just softly grazes Naomi's before they're scooping you up, laying down on the couch, making you lie on top of them. Naomi's hand runs up and down the expanse of your back, lips pressed to your head, giving you small prolonged pecks. "wanna talk about it?" naomi whispers, their heartbeat against your ear as you shake your head, more tears falling. "'s okay, I'm here," just cooing at you, their hand pressing you firmly to their chest, other hand massaging the small of your back, trying to ground you so you don't start hyperventilating again. Maybe you fall asleep there, Naomi holding you to their body so you can rest securely, protecting you from yourself and anxious mind.

over the phone, i have this exact scenario where naomi is on tour and you've been doing okay up until today where you're just panicking, like on the ground, phone to your ear, no real reason behind the forest fire in your chest, your muscles tense and burning, your nails digging into your leg or hand so you can feel something. and naomi is not answering like at all. zero responses. this of course makes you panic further, your mind running all of the scenarios in which they are hurt or ignoring you or... and finally you call katie or jo.

if you called jo i think theyd lowkey panic lol, like you'd be crying, words jumbled being like "need naomi, please" and jo would be frantic if they were in the greenroom and naomi was somewhere in the venue, scrambling around out of breath by the time they get to naomi. there's no warning for your poor partner, just a wide-eyed panicked jo shoving their phone at naomi yelling "here!"

if you called katie i think she would try and talk you down, scrambling to find naomi but definitely more graceful than josette. "I'm looking for them pretty girl just hang on," because katie knows you need comfort (and in my hc she def gives off protective bff mom friend vibes to jo and naomi's girlfriends). When Katie finally finds Naomi, they similarly to Jo thrust their phone at them, giving them a look.

"Hello?" Naomi says confused because this isnt their phone and who could it possibly b- "I'm sorry I just--I need you right now and I..." is all Naomi needs to hear before putting their equipment down and rushing off stage, hand to their other ear. "What's wrong baby?" before you just spill everything that you're feeling, panic rising in Naomi's chest at the pain in your voice. "I need you to breathe baby, can you do that, tell me something you can see..." and they start working through exercises to calm you down. When you're finally breathing normal, voice thick with emotion, Naomi lets out a sigh of relief before asking, "Should I come home? I can come home, I'll-I'll get Franki to look at flights right now," before you have to calm down your partner, apologizing for interrupting soundcheck when they passionately call you out, "Dont do that, don't say sorry... I'm sorry I'm not there... you call me whenever you need me, its what I'm here for."

#anon cutie #naomi mcpherson x reader #naomi mcpherson #i...love them #muna x reader #muna blurbs #muna fics #muna

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gretavangroupie · 1 year

Text

Vigilance (Chapter 10)

Word count: 22.6k

Pairings: Sam x Reader, Jake x OC

Warnings: 18+ as always, drinking, smoking, language, fluff, angst, smut.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon. Please go show her some love!

STRANGE HORIZONS:NASHVILLE

ONE DAY BEFORE SHOW

JAKE POV

This is how it always was the day before tour. Josh barking orders at everyone, Sam waiting until the last second to do everything that should have been done weeks ago, Daniel trying to satisfy Josh’s requests, and you, sitting back watching all of it unfold from the comfort of the broken-in leather couch. The office was buzzing with crew and staff working to make sure everything was packed away correctly and not a thing was left behind. Old friends reuniting, anxious for another leg of tour to begin.

Tensions were high, as they so usually were before you left for a show. Packing up an entire band was no small task, and you weren’t sure why they always waited until the day before to do it. You were especially wound up today, still reeling from the events over the last few days. You still hadn’t made amends with Sam, but you knew you would today. You had to. You couldn’t start tour off on a bad note, right?

You watched until you noticed his tasks being steadily checked off the list one by one, and when he found himself ready to take a break, you knew you had your chance. You grabbed two beers from the cooler and walked back over to meet him on the couch. You extended the bottle out to him, and his eyes met yours as he took it. It’s a start.

You sat down next to him, twisting the lid off of the bottle as you relaxed into the seat. “Can I talk to you for a few minutes Sammy boy?” you asked, hoping that using his nickname would help soften the mood he was in.

“Looks like you already are…” he replied with a gentle smirk.

You took a pull from the lip of the bottle, letting the cold liquid calm your nerves.

“Sam… I’m…really sorry about everything I said the other day. I was completely out of line to say those things to you. I’m not trying to make excuses here, I know I fucked up, but after everything with Sophia, I just… unleashed on you. I didn’t mean it. I really am sorry. I get it if you need more time, I just… I’ve been thinking about you the past couple of days and I just want you to know I love you. I don’t think you’re a fuck up. I’m really proud of you. For everything. Really.” you rambled nervously.

He took a sip of his beer, trying to conceal the smile on his lips as he replied, “I missed you too. You had a couple low blows in there, but it's all in the name of brotherhood right? Also, I love you too.” he laughs, placing a forceful hand on your shoulder. “Phew, glad we got our yearly I love you out of the way, huh? Early this year…” he jokes.

There he is. There's your Sammy.

You held your beer up, clicking the glass bottle with his, “Until next year…” you toast. He laughs and looks over to Daniel, wrapping up some cording with velcro.

“You’re right, you know,” he adds.

“About?” you ask.

“Her. You know, if she was… with me and everything. It would have been the biggest fuck up ever. Monumental.” he said, turning to look at you. “The first time we ever slept together we talked right before…made sure this wasn’t going to turn into something else, because neither of us wanted that. I think really, we just wanted to feel close to each other again. Both of us made it very clear that there weren’t any feelings involved. It was just purely sex with someone we loved and trusted. No feelings involved. That’s all it ever was, Jake. I haven't had feelings like that for her in years. Is she gorgeous? Of course. Have I always wanted to sleep with her? Well, yeah. But I’d never steal your girl Jake... I’ve always known who her heart belongs to.” he says.

You swallow harshly, really taking in everything he’s saying. “It’s just… hard to watch, you know?” you ask.

“I know. But it’s not something I thought we should keep from you. I feel like that would have only made it worse when you did find out.” he replies. “Also… I’m really sorry about Sophia… I can’t believe she was doing that. I can’t believe we saw her. You should have seen Y/N when she spotted her in the restaurant. She was hysteric for a second.”

“I would’ve been, too. Things had been a little rocky between us the past few weeks. She was acting different…And you know what? I’m happy to be free of her, feel like I can breathe again.” you say, swigging your beer.

“I guess I’m just sorry everything played out the way it did. We just felt like you needed to know, and we wanted to tell you in person. I didn’t expect it to be such a disaster.” he says.

“It’s partially my fault, as soon as she started in on you I should have told her to leave. I am so embarrassed at the things she said to you. To Y/N. I wasn’t sure she was ever going to talk to me again. I wouldn’t blame her.” you sigh.

“You know she… she listened. Finally.” he said.

What?

“What do you mean? Listened to what?” you asked.

“Our music… did she not tell you?” he asked.

“No, tell me what?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“Up until about a week ago, she had never listened to any of our recorded music. The last thing she ever heard from us was the Black Smoke EP.” he said.

Shock coursed through your body. “What? Why?”

Had she really never heard? Every song you wrote for her, fell upon ears that wouldn’t understand. The lyrics you wrote to her, begging her to come back to you… she never heard them?

“Well, to put it simply, she couldn��t handle it. Emotionally, mentally… Think about it Jake. Would you want to listen to your ex play love songs about you?” he asked.

“No, but… not one song? Not a single song, in the past what, three, four years?” you asked, trying to wrap your head around it.

“She said she heard Safari Song in the grocery store once, but she turned around and walked out because it struck a nerve she wasn’t ready to tend to yet.” he said.

“So… she listened though… last week? Why now?” you asked.

“She said her boss assigned it to her, since we are under UMG. She listened to everything…she came over to my house after.” he stopped.

“Was she….” you started.

“Was she okay? No…She was a wreck Jake. I think you know that. Practically inconsolable for a while. She had a feeling about one in particular… but she couldn’t even ask.” he said, eyes cast down to the floor as he replayed the memory.

“So…she listened…to it...” you asked.

His eyes flicked up to yours, “Yeah. She did. About killed her I think. She wanted to know… if it was about her.” he paused, pushing his hands through his hair. “How sad is that, Jake? For her to even think for a second that it wasn’t. I told her of course it was about her. I told her they all were. I think she wanted to crawl into a hole and die right there.”

“How could she think they were about anyone else?” you whispered.

“She was pretty bad off there for a while, but I got her through it. Me and a bottle of wine, well almost two. She’s proud of us though, man. She loved it, I could tell she loved it. It spoke to her, just like we always wanted. We actually did it.” he said with a smile. “I wanted to cry, I was just so relieved she liked it...It felt– felt like it was all worth it. All those years… I missed her a lot. I know it was different for you, but you know, she was my best friend. I needed her too.” he says.

You were so busy feeling sorry for yourself back then that you never really stopped to consider that Sam lost his best friend. You were so cruel to him, to everyone really. Just a miserable person for a while. If you had known then what you know now….

“Anyways, you should talk to her about it someday. If you can. I know it's still touchy for you.” he adds.

“I will one day Sam. I’ll make it count. Thank you…for… talking to her about it. I know it probably wasn’t easy for you either.” you smiled.

“Anything for you brother,” he replied.

You both finished off your beers as you scrolled through your phones, waiting for Josh to finish up on his tirade about organization.

“Hey, she will be here in about 10 minutes, so make sure you have your shit done!” Josh called out through the office, everyone agreeing and finishing up their tasks.

“Who?” Danny asked.

“The tour coordinator… someone new this time, I think you’ll like her.” he replied with a smirk.

Fuck. She’s coming? Today? You were not prepared to see her until you absolutely had to, tomorrow.

“You good? You look like you just saw a ghost.” Sam joked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Hey I saw this the other day at a vintage shop, thought of you. Thought you might like it.” you say, opening your camera roll. You scroll through your pictures from that day, trying to find the one you took to show him. An old 60’s Sunburst Fender Acoustic. It had his name written all over it.

“Hey woah, what was that?” he says, swiping out of your photo.

“What?” you say, pulling your phone away from him.

“I swear I just…” he said, reaching over your arms, tapping on the photo of Y/N you received the other night.

“Oh my god. It is her.” he says, shocked. “How do you have that?”

You close out of it before anyone else sees, “Will you shut the hell up before one of them comes over here asking questions.”

“Sorry. But seriously… Why do you have that? Did you hack into my phone?” he asks.

“Hack into your phone? What? No? She… sent it to me. The other night. Completely unprompted.” you answer quietly, a smirk on your face.

“She sent it to you?” he asks, shock written across his face.

“Yes, Sam… for the second time. She sent it to me.” you reply.

“Well that’s interesting because she sent it to me, too.” he said matter-of-factly.

“The same one?” you asked.

“Exact same. We were…talking… it was the natural progression of the conversation but it came late…I thought she fell asleep.” he said. “Wait…what time did she send that to you?”

“Uh….” you said opening your text threads, and checking the time stamp. “10:46pm” you answered.

He dug into his pocket, pulling out his phone and opening his texts, his eyes widening as he reached the photo. “Oh my god. I think…I think she sent it to you instead of me, by accident. Mine didn’t come until 11:26.” he said. “She must have panicked when she realized and sent it to me when she figured it out. Wait, what time did you text her back?”

“11:24…”

Panic sweeps through your body as you realize what he is saying. Were they…sexting? Was that really meant for him? A chill sweeps through your body as you put the pieces together. It would explain the situation. It was completely unprompted, and her not answering your reply suddenly started to make sense.

“Well, Sam… Here I was thinking she…No, nevermind. I suppose that explains why she didn’t reply.” you sigh.

“Oh god, she didn’t reply?” he asked.

“No, but she read it. Stayed up late just in case too…Stupid.” you said, shaking your head.

“Has she spoken to you since?” he asked.

“We don’t exactly talk Sam…” you replied.

“Oh it was totally an accident. I bet she is—wow. I will have to ask her about it.” he says.

“No the fuck you will not. Let it go Sam, I am so serious.” you threatened.

“Okay, sheesh…” he says, pulling away from your grip on his arm. “It is a hot pic though isn’t it?” he jokes.

“Shut the fuck up Sam, I will end your life right here.” you say through gritted teeth.

He laughs as you hear the beep of the security system, as someone opens the front door. You both turned to look at the door, and saw her walking in, looking stunning as ever.

“Oh my god, it’s like she heard us talking about her…What is she doing here?” he asks.

Does he not know?

Her eyes meet yours only for a second before quickly looking away. Okay so she is feeling some type of nervousness about being here.

Josh rushes over to greet her, thanking her for coming in at the last minute.

“Hey!” he yells, getting everyone's attention. “I know some of us know each other, but for those of you who don’t this is Y/N. She works with Collective and is going to be our coordinator and liaison for this tour. She’s gonna be on the road with us for a bit. She’s an absolute star and I know you all will love her so make sure you welcome her with open arms and show her how we do things around here!” he says, smiling.

You watch as Sam and Danny shoot looks towards each other, then to Josh as they comprehend what he’s said.

“That being said, I will turn it over to you, I’m sure you have things to tell us to get this party started.” he smiles at her.

You couldn’t help the chuckle that came from your chest as you watched Josh so happily introduce her. She was beaming. You had to admit, even though part of you wanted to kill Josh for this arrangement, you couldn’t wait to watch her do her thing, but more importantly you couldn’t wait for her to watch you do yours.

She began to pass out paperwork to everyone, her eyes flicking to yours for a millisecond as she handed you your paper, before turning her attention back to the rest of the room.

You could see something behind her eyes. You couldn’t place it, but you knew it. You’d seen it before.

“Hi everyone! I am really looking forward to working with all of you over the next few months, but before we go over everything I just want you all to know that if you ever have any questions or concerns, or even a request you can ask me, call me, text me… whatever is easiest for you. I will help you the best way that I can.” she says, directing her attention to the group of roadies huddled by the door.

“The paper I just gave to all of you outlines the accommodations for the Nashville show starting tomorrow. Your transportation, lodging and meal information should all be on there, specific to each one of you. Again, if you have any questions you can come to me.” she says with a smile.

The chattering in the background irks you. Are they even listening to her?

She continues to talk about the schedule for tomorrow, everything laid out right there on paper. As she makes her way through each bullet point you hear the crew still talking behind you.

“Hey boys, let’s listen up.” you say shooting them a stern look.

They quiet down immediately, returning their focus back to her. Her eyes flash over to yours, in a silent thank you. You nod your head ever so slightly.

You listen intently as she talks about the venue set up, soundcheck, and the time tables that will need to be followed, your eyes never leaving her for a second. To be honest you heard every word she said but your mind was elsewhere. Back in Michigan, swimming and laughing.

Everyone thanking her snapped you from your daydream. Suddenly people were approaching her, meeting her and introducing themselves. She handled the crew and staff like she had done it a thousand times before. Maybe she had?

“You gonna talk to her, or are you just gonna stare at her?” Sam asks.

You blow a breath out, leaning back into the couch, “I don’t know… I don’t know what I’d say. Just gonna give her some time. If she wants to talk to me, she will.” you reply.

“I cannot believe she is our coordinator.” He says, shaking his head.

“You’ve met Josh right? Meddling son of a bitch.” you laugh.

“Yeah, you’re right.” he laughs. “You pack yet?”

“Fuck no. Gonna do it when we’re done here.” you answer, standing up from the couch.

“Oh my god. We get to play for her.” he says, eyes wide with realization.

“Samuel, I am begging you to not say every thought that goes through your head.” you say with a sigh.

He smirks, walking off to meet her side.

Fuck. Not only will this be your first tour in a few years, but now she will be there watching?

You hadn’t fully considered that yet. You weren’t sure you were ready to think about it. You pushed the thought from your mind as you made your way over to Josh.

“I still can’t believe you did this…” you say with a fake smile.

“Everything is going to be fine. Great even. Watch and see.” he smirks.

“We done here?” you ask.

“I think so, what time do we have to be here in the morning?” he asks.

You pull the folded paper from your back pocket, reading out the travel details, “Says the van will pick us up here at 7:00 am. So… should we just meet at my place and ride over here together? Or Sam’s?” you ask.

“Let’s do yours.” he answers.

“You gonna be on time?” you laugh.

“Of course not.” he laughs, walking away, holding his thumb and pinky up to his ear, indicating he would call you later.

You shook your head, walking over to Danny, telling him the plans, before you started to make your way out. You clapped him on the back as you stepped away, “Tell Sam, alright?”

He nods his head as you turn to make your way to the door.

You scan the room one last time, eyes catching hers for a brief moment before you slipped out into the humid evening.

—

Your suitcase sat packed by the front door ready to go, after sitting for months in the closet practically untouched. Usually you looked forward to tour, the swirling of anxious energy in your stomach just before you left. The bright vibrant energy filling your body just before you took the stage. Playing live in front of a crowd was what kept you going. Recharging your battery each night as you watched them react to the music that flowed from your fingertips. You craved it. You needed it. But tonight you didn’t have that feeling. You were nervous. Jittery. Anxious.

You sipped the remnants from the glass in your hand trying to calm those nerves. A lowball glass filled with scotch was sure to do the trick, as you sat back and watched the rain hit the windows in your study. The wet drops rolling down to collect on the sill in large puddles. You placed the now empty glass on the table, grabbing your guitar from the stand as you strummed the old worn in strings. You let your mind drift off as you played, trying to process everything that happened today.

An accident. A mistake. How foolish of you to believe that that photo was meant for you. Of course it was for Sam. She’d never sent you anything like that before... Why would she start now?

And how stupid of you to reply. You should have known it wasn’t meant for you when she didn’t reply. You stayed up all night waiting for it…There was a reason it never came. As if things weren't awkward enough after the fight with Sam… this just made it worse.

Now you had to spend the next several weeks with her, pretending that it never happened and acting like you don’t remember every detail of the picture... The image of her body burned into your brain.

Was she as embarrassed as you were? You would be working with her in extremely close quarters for weeks…You really didn’t want things to be awkward… Should you talk to her about it?

No. Just let it go... It will pass, right?

Finally feeling the alcohol settling into your bloodstream, you began to relax. You placed the guitar back on the stand, and made your way to your bedroom. It was late, and you knew you had to be up in a few hours to get ready to go. You pulled your shirt over your head, and kicked your pants to the floor, before crawling into the comfort of your own bed for the last time for the next few weeks. You never did sleep so well in a bed that wasn’t your own.

You set your alarm, and placed your phone on the nightstand, flicking the switch on your lamp, leaving the room completely dark. You let a sigh leave your chest as you relaxed into your pillows, drifting off to sleep quickly with the help of the scotch and the patter of rain on the windows.

—

NIGHT ONE

HER POV

You were already awake when your alarm went off promptly at 6:00 am, your nerves keeping you only half-asleep all night. The first day of tour. You were excited, but the anxiousness was creeping into your bones and making itself at home. You’d gone over the itinerary a hundred times before bed, and a hundred more times while you tried to fall asleep. Meeting times, rider copies, map locations, hotel confirmations…your brain felt fried already, and you hadn’t even left yet. You were thankful Allison had given you everything you needed to have accomplished on a nice organized checklist, making your life a bit easier.

You drug yourself from your bed and into your bathroom to take a quick shower. You’d already picked out your outfit for the day, some dark wash jeans and a simple top. Cute but professional. You’d be meeting everyone at the office to load the van in exactly one hour.

While you rushed around your home chugging coffee and gathering essentials, you thought about Jake, and how his eyes had met yours for the briefest of moments yesterday. You were still so embarrassed and ashamed, but you had to keep on a happy face for the sake of your job. This was no time to let your emotions show through. You had a lot to accomplish, and proving yourself was at the top of your list.

—

You arrived at the office with fifteen minutes to spare, giving you ample time to run over everything again. You grabbed all your things from your trunk, and packed them into the crew van before you checked in with the driver. You brought out your iPad checklist and made yourself a few notes and reminders. Cars began to fill up the lot and roadies and crew members began to unload their things. No one had presented you with questions yet, thank goodness. Deep breaths, all is well so far. You checked the time, 6:55. Perfect.

After a quick headcount of everyone riding in the van, you finally began to feel a bit more at ease. Thankfully, Allison had given you the tip to always lock in early hotel check-ins. ‘They’re always late for everything...leave yourselves time to spare.’ Fortunately, you’d known that fact since you were kids.

You finally saw Jake’s car pulling into the lot a whopping fifteen minutes late. All four of them piling out of the vehicle to unload their bags. 7:15... Not too shabby. They walked over to the vans with sleep still in their eyes, except Josh, of course. He was always a morning person. He took you in an immediate embrace, placing his positive and comforting energy directly onto your skin. How did he always know exactly when to do that?

“First day, big day! You ready?” He asked in your ear, not letting you go until you answered. He smelled like patchouli with a hint of hibiscus and vanilla. You took a second to breathe, letting his familiar scent calm your nerves.

“I think so, Joshy. I hope.” He released you after a big squeeze, his long curls flowing in the early morning breeze. He gave you a reassuring smile. “Killing it already, hot stuff.”

You did notice Jake seemed a bit more chipper than he usually was at this hour. He didn’t have his normal dark circles and sullen face…instead he looked bright-eyed and anxious. The rest of the guys made their way over to you. Sam brought his hand to his brow, playfully saluting.

“Samuel Francis Kiszka, bass and keys, reporting for duty. My name should be first on the list in the VIP section. I’m actually in the band.” He glanced and pointed to your iPad, typing his fingers erratically causing your screen to go wild.

“Stop it Sam, geez!” You laughed. “Get in the van.”

He clicked his tongue and gave you a wink.

“Morning sunshine, ready to kick ass today?” Danny said through a warm smile, showing all his teeth.

“Let’s hope so,” you returned his sweet smile.

“You got it, no question.” He reassured you.

Lastly came Jake. He brought his eyes to meet yours, and you felt every nerve ending explode with embarrassment all over again. He gave you a curt half-smile and nodded his head, climbing into the van without a word. His cheeks had pinkened a little, and you were sure yours had done the same. Awkward. So awkward.

After everyone was loaded up and accounted for, you made sure no one had any questions, and you climbed into the front seat of the crew van. You felt an overwhelming sense of nervousness and relief at the same time. You’d attack this day step by step. These guys were all professionals and had done this song and dance a million times. It was their world, and you were just orchestrating it.

——

Checking into the hotel proved to be a simpler task than you anticipated, getting everyone their key cards and on their way to their rooms going very smoothly. You knew that you had to get them to the venue for sound check as quickly as possible so once you figured they had enough time to settle, you sent a group text asking them to meet you in the lobby. It was a very short ride to the venue, and you were excited to be behind the scenes and have access to everything that happened backstage.

You watched as everything was unloaded from the trucks and brought inside the amphitheater. It was amazing to watch the crew work like a well-oiled machine quickly putting up the stage and equipment in record speed. Though this was the first show back in a while, they all worked well as a team setting up the new stage equipment just like the guys envisioned.

You were rushing around like a crazy person, answering phone calls, replying to tons of texts, checking to make sure the riders were fulfilled, and trying to keep Allison updated with everything. So far, so good. Eight hours until openers.

“Guys, the stage is set. You wanna come see?” You asked the four of them as they gathered around a makeshift coffee table full of lunch items. Their eyes lit up, ready to see the stage they’d dreamt of for months finally brought to life.

You led them around the small corridors of the beautiful outdoor venue, and into the pit area. They erupted in astounded cheers seeing it all put together. You grabbed your walkie-talkie and radioed to the light booth. “Randy, can we hit the lights?” You asked. A few seconds later, a voice came over the radio. “Sure thing.” The main spot lights came on and illuminated the stage in a beautiful and clean white light, showing off the lighted platforms and spires that lined the backdrop. They fell into ‘ooo’s’ and ‘ahh’s’ in unison as they took it all in.

“Holy shit, it’s perfect!” Josh proclaimed.

“Yeah guys, yes!” Sam yelled to the crew. They all clapped and cheered, and ran onto the stage to begin checking their sound. Relief. You knew it would be even more perfect once it got dark outside.

You took a second to run backstage and collect yourself, use the restroom, and grab something to eat as you knew the rest of the day was going to be even more chaotic. You checked in with craft services to see that everything was refilled for the crew, now that they were done with their part. You relaxed on a couch for a free second, ignoring your buzzing phone and nagging notifications. You could hear the low droning sound of their instruments coming together, as they jumped into a song you didn’t quite recognize off the bat. It still sounded beautiful and haunting even from this far away. You closed your eyes and took in the moment, feeling pride overtake your mind as you listened to your best friends fulfill their dream. After a few grounding moments, you decided to check your phone and emails again.

An hour or so passed, and you noticed the music had stopped. You stood up to stretch and checked the time, not realizing how long you’d been lost in your phone. You began to meander around the backstage area again, when you were caught by a pair of familiar hands pulling you behind a trailer, out of sight.

“Samuel, what are you doing!” You whispered loudly.

“Nothing, just wanted to say hello properly. I haven’t gotten to tell you how good you look taking care of all of us like this.” He pinned your back to the trailer, and glanced around, checking that the coast was clear. Then he brought his lips to your neck, lightly kissing and nudging you.

“I love watching you in your element...it’s very attractive.” he whispered in your ear between pecks.

“Sam…be careful...there’s people everyw-” he cut you off, placing his lips on yours.

“Shhh...there’s no one around. Trust me. Do you trust me?” He glanced around again.

You nodded, reluctantly. You felt very out of place, letting him do this in such a manner in broad daylight, but god, his lips on your neck and his hands pinning you down was driving you wild. He had a knack for melting you into a puddle, that was for sure.

He immediately licked into your mouth, hot and sweet with just the tiniest taste of tequila on his lips. He brought his leg up to spread your knees apart, positioning himself so your core rested on his upper thigh. He pressed his body into you, sending a shockwave of pleasure through you, even from the slightest contact. You kissed him back hard, just now realizing how starved you’ve been for him without even noticing it. Your mind had been elsewhere lately.

“That photo you sent the other night...I can’t get it off my mind. You looked so sexy...God I wanted you so bad...” he trailed off, pressing harder against you. “You want me to send you something?”

You nodded again. “Mhmm...yes please.” you said into his mouth, biting his lip.

“I’ll see what I can come up with...” he said, pulling away. He began to back off, adjusting himself in his pants. He glanced around again, making sure the coast was still clear. “Silence my notifications, and change my name in your phone.” He said with a wink, and he was gone.

What? Change his name? Why? Did he know about the photo accident?

—

You headed back around to the main gathering area backstage after collecting yourself for a few minutes. Hot and bothered was an understatement.

“Y/N! Hey, I’d like you to meet someone.” Josh said as you entered the trailer. “This is Summer. She’s going to be our photographer!”

“Oh my god, hey! It’s so nice to meet you finally! I’m sorry we didn’t get to meet before, things have been chaotic.” You reached out to shake her hand. Summer was gorgeous. Tan, slender, and blonde with cute features and the prettiest blue eyes that hid behind thin wire glasses. She had a bright and friendly smile as she returned your handshake.

“Hey! So nice to meet you! I’m so excited to be here.” she said.

“I’ll leave you two to chat.” Josh said, taking off in the other direction.

“Let me show you around?” You asked, walking towards the stage.

“Yes, let’s go!” She grabbed her camera bag and you were off. You showed her around the venue and made sure she had her all access media and crew pass.

“The guys will want you to be around basically all the time, backstage and all. They’re really easy to get along with, which I’m sure you noticed meeting Josh.” You said.

“Yes, actually! He introduced me to the band. Everyone seems really nice! This is my third time going on a tour with a band, so I’m really starting to get my footing I think. I’m really excited to work with you guys!” She admitted.

“Well, they picked you for a reason. I saw some of your work, it’s fantastic. You’ll do just fine.” You reassured her with a smile, which she returned. You walked her around the grounds a bit more, showing her the areas you’d be occupying most and introducing her to people here and there. By the time you made it back, she had told you her life story in its entirety and you were already beginning to tune out the sound of her voice. She was sweet, but…

“So, this might sound forward but, are all of them…single?” She asked without an ounce of shyness in her voice. It took you by surprise.

“Umm, well… Sort of. Danny has a girlfriend but, the rest, yeah. Basically. I try not to keep up with their personal lives too much.”

Lie.

“Cool okay. I just didn’t want to, you know… Be weird about anything. Spending all this time together and all.” She replied, talking with her hands.

You cleared your throat. “Yeah, no I get that. For sure.”

“But, the quieter one with sunglasses, he plays guitar I think?” She rambled.

“Jake.” You said stoically.

“Yeah, Jake. He is fine. Made my heart skip a beat when he shook my hand. You know what I mean? I’ve always liked the brooding ones. The type you’d climb like a tre-”

“Summer. I get it... But remember you’re here to take photos and that’s it. Okay?” You felt yourself get an attitude at her lack of professionalism this early in the game. It had only been half an hour and you were already starting to be irked by her presence.

“Jake is very professional and likes to keep himself focused. He doesn’t allow himself much time for things like that.” you add, hoping she would take the hint.

Saved by the bell, your walkie talkie beeped with a request for you to go to the stage. “I’ve gotta go, good luck tonight!” You waved to Summer and left before she could get another nerve-grinding word out.

You approached the stage and were motioned back to the sound booth technician.

“Hey! We need our copies of the setlists! Almost forgot.” The woman laughed.

“Yes! I have them on my hard drive. I will bring them right to you.” You replied, rushing off to backstage, mad at yourself for forgetting to do that before you left the office. Luckily you had a portable printer installed in the crew trailer.

You printed off ten copies of the list, and read through it on your way back to the sound booth.

Wow, it was so strange seeing the names of all these songs that you’d just now become familiar with, the songs that were basically their children. You knew they were playing a few of these live for the first time tonight, and a whole new wave of nerves hit you like a freight train. You were so excited for them. So excited for their fans.

A few more hours passed, and you’d decided to join the guys for a little chat before things got hectic. They were all hanging around outside, warming up on acoustics and pre-gaming with seltzers and shots. They were all beaming with nerves, Josh and Sam hopping around expelling their pent-up agitation while Danny drummed on anything he could find. Jake sat comfortably in a lounge chair, feet up, strumming a quiet tune and watching his brothers in their natural states. He was so…attractive.

“Josh, why are you dressed already? You’re going to spill something on your suit!” You said, surprised. His outfit for tonight was a white jumpsuit with blue and green applique feathers, and it fit him like a glove. Tiny rhinestones caught the light as he jumped around, causing him to sparkle in the afternoon sun.

“Oh, love. I always do this. Sorry, but I get ready way too early. It’s just a…thing I do.” He threw his hands up, unable to elaborate any more. “But I make it a point to only drink clear liquids! I promise.”

You nodded nervously, wanting to cover him up with a jacket, a bib…something.

You peeked around to the front of the venue, seeing that hoards of people had started to gather at the gates. You checked your phone.

Allison 5:55pm: Almost time to get them dressed! Hope all is going well!

You 5:59pm: All is great! Thanks!

You took another few minutes, shooting texts to the other coordinators and radioing to check in with security. You couldn’t believe you’d gotten this far in the day without any major hiccups, and you were thankful. Maybe you could do this… You were doing this.

You glanced toward Jake, who was sitting naturally still strumming along and sipping something from a paper cup. You covertly watched as Summer made her way over to sit beside him, giving him all of her attention as she snapped a few photos, while likely telling him a story about something he cared nothing about. Just from the short time you spent with her, you knew she was going to be a great photographer, but inevitably get on everyone’s nerves.

Get away from him, he doesn’t want to talk to you. He’s trying to get in his zone.

But to your surprise, you watched as he tilted his head back and laughed a hearty laugh, scrunching his nose up and giggling at whatever she was saying. She laughed too, leaning into him and quickly putting her hand to his thigh.

Oh really?

You scoffed under your breath and crossed your arms. She then pointed to his guitar, and began to ask him questions. It looked like he was explaining the guitar parts to her, while she watched him intently, all the while moving closer and closer to him, touching him any chance she got.

Doesn’t she have photos to take or something?

Suddenly, Sam was in front of your face, “Hey. You gonna nip that in the bud, or should I?” he asked motioning back to Summer and Jake with a head tilt. It shook you from the raging fire of jealousy growing in your chest.

You stood up quickly, clapping your hands together, “Alright guys, time to get dressed!” You announced, and they all began to excitedly make their way toward the trailer. You saw Summer look back toward you as Jake exited her bubble.

“You can sit this part out, Summer.” You said.

“And you get to watch them get changed? Lucky girl…” she said with a smirk.

You decided to not respond to that, and climbed the steps to the front door, closing it hard behind you.

—

After a few minutes, they were all dressed and ready to go...7:45 on the dot. Their openers had already begun their sets, filling the arena with sound. You stood in the trailer, and watched their stylist stand back and admire the art of the designer. Their outfits truly were a sight, all custom made to fit their visions.

The crew exited the trailer, leaving just you and the guys. Sam immediately felt comfortable enough to bring you in for a giant hug. “Errghhhh you did so great today! How are you feeling? Ready for the grand finale?”

You hugged him back, finally feeling alone enough with them to be your true self, “Yes, my job’s almost over. It’s your turn now.” You responded with a giggle.

Just then, Danny and Josh came and joined the hug, sticking you in the middle as they piled around one another. You glanced over and saw Jake standing off to the side, obviously feeling awkward about joining. You bravely raised your finger to him, motioning for him to join in. He wrapped his arms around his brothers as they all rested their heads on one another, taking a second to relish in the moment.

“My brothers, are we ready to rock and roll?” Josh asked.

“Never been more ready…” Danny agreed. They all spoke in little sentences of excitement and reassurance, patting each other on the backs and shaking off nerves. Never once letting their heads separate from touching in their circle, with you still directly in the middle. You stood awkwardly, but happy to be included in their embrace.

“Six brand new songs tonight, fellas. Do we have it?” Josh asked.

“Yeah we have it, do you have it?” Jake responded. You giggled.

“Yeah I fuckin’ have it as long as you keep me where I need to be.” Josh relayed.

“As long as these two assholes keep me where I need to be…” Jake went on.

“Don’t we always? Daniel and I are perfect...” Sam spat.

“Sounds like a plan, then. Let’s go do it.” Josh said.

Suddenly they hugged one another tighter, smashing their heads into yours and bringing your face impossibly close to Jake’s. You felt heat immediately rush to your face as his eyes flitted to yours, and locked there. He offered you the tiniest of smiles before he spoke.

“Love you guys?” He asked.

“Love you guys.” They all responded in unison. Then they all separated, leaving you standing in the middle of the room, drowning in emotional surprise.

“What was that? What was I just part of? Do you do that before every show?” You asked.

“Only since 2012, love.” Sam said, shooting you another wink as he descended the stairs, his baby blue suit hugging every curve. You felt a swell of admiration creep into your chest. You had gotten to be a part of their pre-show ritual.

You waited by the door for the guys to file out one by one, Jake stopping beside you at the very end. You noticed the collar of his beautifully embroidered navy blue suit was flipped up, and you instinctively reached to fix it. Your fingers accidentally brushing his neck in the process, sending an immediate and visible chill through him. You swallowed hard as you pulled your hand away from his collar.

“How do I look?” He asked in a low and gravelly voice, shyly bringing his eyes from the floor to you.

Before you could stop yourself, you whispered, “Still just as gorgeous as ever.”

His face softened and a smirk played at his lips, just as he turned to catch up with the rest of the guys.

—

The time had almost come for the guys to take the stage, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t just as nervous as they most likely were. Brand new tour, brand new songs, brand new era…

You knew they would absolutely kill it no matter what, but you were sure the anxiety was still high. The sound of the crowd was almost deafening even this far away, and at an outdoor venue at that. You never imagined there would be this many people.

Right before they were to head toward backstage, small plastic shot glasses were passed around to the surrounding crew, while Josh had everyone gather for a toast. You took the cup of what smelled like vodka, and raised it into the air. A familiar presence was suddenly by your side, meeting your extended arm with his own. Jake.

“Thank you all for being here, and making this happen tonight! To Strange Horizons!” Josh yelled above the lull of the screaming crowd. He held his tiny glass up, and everyone joined in with clanking theirs together before shooting the clear liquor. You turned a little toward Jake, as he held his cup up to yours.

“Cheers, love.” He said, barely tipping his cup to tap yours, raising his eyebrows with the smallest grin.

“Cheers…” was all you could manage through the thick sound of your heart beating in your ears. Love?

He tilted it back and swallowed its contents, and he was gone without another word. You stood there for a second collecting yourself.

“That shot’s not gonna take itself, babe!” Sam yelled, guiding your hand to bring it to your lips. You let the chilled liquid coat your insides, hoping that it would calm the storm that was brewing inside you. You heard Josh’s voice on the special intro monologue begin, and the crowd erupted in an explosion of screams.

“There you go...There she is!” Sam shouted as you finished downing the shot.

He brought his lips close to your ear, “Checked your phone lately?” He pulled away with a wink and a wide smile, and spoke loudly again. “You ready?!” And then he, too, was gone.

You felt your radio vibrate with sound, and you brought it close to your ear. “Two minutes, two minutes to stage.” your heart rate immediately picking up.

You looked around to make sure everyone was accounted for, and then rushed everyone toward the stage, security and other coordinators in tow. You could feel the energy radiating off of them. They were electric.

In seconds you found yourself side stage with the guys as they awaited their cue to walk. They took a second to peek at the ginormous crowd, a sea of raised hands and cell phones ready and waiting to capture the first seconds of their beloved band taking the stage again.

No one really spoke, not like you could hear anything over the audience anyway. Everyone exchanged looks and shoulder grabs, basking in their excitement together. You looked to Jake, who was pulling his guitar strap over his head, and offered him a genuine smile, silently wishing him ‘good luck’ as you could. He nodded and smiled back, still able to read your expressions even after all these years.

Suddenly the lights went out, and there was a beat of silence, their cue to storm the stage. You watched as they left your side and found their rightful spots with their instruments. Plugging in, and taking a deep breath.

As the lights faded up, Sam’s keys began the first song. Filling the arena with beautiful and ethereal sounds in a way that only he could. The crowd exploded into screams and cheers as they recognized the song. You watched on as thousands of people sang the lyrics back to the band, not missing a beat.

You found yourself having a hard time deciding whether to watch the show or watch the crowd. They held hands, they cried, they swayed as they sang...now you understood why this was so addicting for them. The fans gave so much energy, song after song, an unrelenting celebration with each tempo switch.

Your eyes carried themselves to Jake as you finally allowed yourself to watch him in his element. You’d been actively ignoring him the whole show so far, not letting yourself see him finally play, for real. You thought back, you hadn’t seen him play since that fateful night at the bar. Years ago. Even then he was a force to be reckoned with, but now, god, he held absolutely nothing back.

You watched as he pranced around, completely taken with the music he was creating, and even more taken with the effect it had on the audience…absolute madness. You could tell he fed off of it. Lived for it. The way his body moved was so sensual, tilting his head back and rolling his entire body with the sound. His facial expressions matched, too. You felt like falling into a hole when you realized you’d seen him make those faces before, years ago, locked up in his room for two days with nothing better to do than each other.

You had to force yourself to rip your eyes off of him. You noticed you’d been looking at only him for the past ten minutes or so. He was just so…mesmerizing to watch. The passion he felt while playing and interacting with the crowd and the rest of the band was a show in itself. And he sounded perfect.

Then you caught a glimpse of his torso…Holy shit…The lights from the stage were bouncing off the sweat dripping down his chest and stomach. The proof of his exertion in the heat of the summer night. He was breathing heavily, chest heaving up and down as the sweat dripped in a steady stream from his throat down to the button of his pants. Watching as he would occasionally wipe it between chords. That was a visual you did not need right now.

You turned around to collect yourself, and grab a drink of water. You checked your phone quickly; you’d completely forgotten Sam had asked you if you had earlier. You’d done what he said to do – silenced his notifications, and changed his contact name. You couldn’t think of a name off the top of your head, so instead you chose to just use ‘Keys’. You had a photo notification from him from a little over an hour ago. You stepped behind some equipment, and opened the attachment.

There it sat. A photo of him in a partially fogged-up mirror, in just a towel hanging low around his hips. He had wiped the fog from the mirror just enough that you could see him. His face, dark with lust. He was holding the towel together right at the top of his bulge, only the light smattering of dark hair visible, leaving almost everything to the imagination.

He was still dripping from his shower, the water glistening on his tanned skin. His wet hair falling at his shoulders with tiny droplets dripping from the ends, down onto his chest. He looked positively edible. His eyes lured you in, dark and focused, his jaw clenched tight. He wanted you. That much was clear.

You locked your phone screen and returned your focus to the show, trying to forget the fact that both of them had managed to get you hot within the past two minutes.

What the hell are they doing to you?

You watched them intently, the music beginning to slow and the lights growing dim. The spotlight shone on Sam, playing a familiar tune on his piano. Is this greensleeves? Your brow furrowed as you watched him effortlessly play the melody you knew so well. As that came to a close, you watched him fully light and take the first hit from a cigarette, right there on stage. Blowing the smoke from his mouth and watching it dissipate into the light. Oh, he’s surely showing off tonight.

The music swelled again, and the guitar came in. A haunting sound from Jake that nearly made you stop breathing. This must be one of their new songs. The intro lasted a good bit before they jumped into the full song. You checked your notes. You’d forgotten you kept one of the copies of the setlist. Age of Machine…you remembered listening to this the other night. You watched the crowd go crazy over it, especially as Jake began to go into a solo. Completely captured by his playing again, you felt your head swirling as you watched. It was like he slipped into another dimension and dragged you there with him. But in the moment there was no place you’d rather be.

The song began to trail into something else, another familiar sound. Was this...? You reached deep into the depths of your memory, trying to remember the garage days. You knew this… this was the song they played at the Groovebox thing… What was the name of it…?

Then it hit you. You made quick eye contact with Sam, “Is this Thunderstomp?!” You mouthed to him.

He smiled a giant smile, and slowly nodded ‘yes’ as he did so. Wow. You hadn’t heard this in so many years, and they decided to add a snippet in for fun. You suddenly felt all the emotions from the night so far building up. The memories coming back full force of watching them practice for hours in the garage...the day Jake asked Sam to come and play the bass for him. Jake had gotten his first real electric guitar, and fell in love with it. He never set it down. Sam always picking on him for how attached he was.

You remembered as a kid, your mom and dad would take you over to the Kiszka house while the parents played cards into the early morning hours. Sam would practice the piano for hours on end while you sat and listened, doing homework and watching movies on mute.

You remembered Sam getting his very own bass guitar for Christmas one year, being surprised and excited, but intimidated nonetheless.

“Dad this is awesome, but I don’t know how to play it.” He’d said.

“Don’t worry. You’ll pick it up one day.” Kelly winked.

You remembered the day Jake busted into the living room, carrying Sam’s untouched bass.

“Hey, come on. We need you to play this.” He said, placing the bass on Sam’s lap.

“Dude I don’t know how. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Go away.” Sam replied.

Jake kneeled down next to him, his face softening to match his voice, “Please, Sambo? Try for me. I’ll show you a few chords. I’ll…I’ll teach you.” Jake begged.

Sam met your eyes, looking for your opinion. All you did was shrug, “Let him teach you. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“You kick ass on the keys, how do you know you won’t kick ass on this too?” Jake pleaded, sending him a warm smile.

You remembered the visual of Sam reluctantly getting up from the couch and dragging himself to the garage, Jake so excited just to have him there. That he was willing to try, just for him.

Two weeks later, he was a natural. He played it like he’d known how for years. His fingers glided across the strings effortlessly and from then on, you couldn’t drag him away from the garage.

The memory flashed away as you now watched them on the stage together, sounding as professional as ever, with thousands of fans screaming for them. They had fun together, dancing around and communicating with their eyes. This was their true passion.

Pride welled up in your chest as you began to cry tears of happiness for them, being so thankful you were there for the beginning of it all, and so sorry you had missed out on the middle.

—

The show ended on a high note, the encore rounding off the first night perfectly. When the guys flooded off stage, they were full of excitement and exhaustion, searching for drinks and towels, rushing backstage as quickly as possible. Ok, back to work.

You followed them out, watching as they celebrated together, suppressing your tears and emotions as best you could. You were so proud.

Everyone was loaded up in the vans, ready to go back to the hotel and clean up from the night. You checked your phone and email one last time, ticking off check marks on your list of post-show tasks. A perfect night, no mishaps whatsoever. You felt so lucky, and truly felt like you had a handle on this job so far. You shot Allison a text letting her know how everything went, and that you were headed back to the hotel for the night.

You sneakily turned your body so your phone was concealed, and opened the photo from Sam again. You felt a wave of nervous excitement flood your system, and you saved the photo to your private album, deleting the one from the text thread. You decided to shoot him a quick text.

You 11:47 pm: Thank you for that. More where it came from?

Keys 11:48 pm: You’re very welcome. Absolutely, lots more ;) Come shower with me?

You pondered for a second, not seeing any harm in it.

You 11:49 pm: I’ll be there.

The vans pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, and everyone began to unload. Everybody was tired, but still a bit keyed up from the excitement of the night. You checked in with the crew, letting everyone know of the meeting time tomorrow morning. With that, you turned your iPad off, and silenced your phone.

You entered the hotel lobby, rustling around in your backpack for your key card and making your way to the elevator.

“Hey!” A familiar voice caught you off guard from down the hall. It was Jake walking toward you. Your heart nearly stopped beating. “You ok? I saw you wiping your eyes getting into the van.”

Oh shit, he’d seen the after effects of your emotional breakdown.

“Hey! Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little…in my feelings watching you guys.” you trailed off, already having said too much.

“Oh, is that…bad?” He asked, completely misunderstanding your reason for tears.

You gave him a halfhearted smile as you took a deep breath. “Exactly the opposite, actually.” You offered, not wanting to go into any detail at the moment.

“Okay, well…I was gonna get changed and go down to the hotel bar. Do you… wanna join?” He asked motioning behind him. His eyes were full of hope.

Yes. Yes I’ll do whatever you ask of me. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth. Take me wherever you want and do whatever you want with me.

“Ah, that’s okay. You go ahead. Rain check, though?” You answered, going against every ounce of judgment in your brain.

His face fell, defeated. “Yeah, rain check.” He grinned a little, and turned back the way he was heading. You felt like kicking yourself.

“Oh, Jake?” He turned back around, now walking backwards away from you, hands in his pockets. “You guys sounded really great tonight. It was perfect.” You offered, wanting to give him more, go into every little detail about his playing, ask him a million questions, drone on for hours about how much you loved everything about the show…About him.

“Thanks for keeping us in line, darlin’.” And with that, he turned the corner, and was gone. That was the second time he’d used a pet name tonight. First love, now darlin? He made you weak in the knees.

You boarded the elevator with a heavy fog clouding your mind. You replayed the encounter over and over. You felt terrible for turning his invitation down, but you already made plans to go to Sam’s room. You pressed the button for your floor, and suddenly felt overwhelmingly confused.

Should you knock on Jake’s door by accident?

JAKE POV

You should have known she wouldn’t agree to it. Of course she didn’t want to get a drink with you. You purposefully walked to the opposite end of the building to board a different elevator than she had, suddenly feeling stupid for asking her in the first place.

‘Let her come to you’, Josh’s words ringing through your head over and over as the elevator doors opened. You stepped inside, pulling your phone from your pocket just as Sam stepped in beside you.

“You good? You look like someone punched you in the gut.” he jokes.

You smirk, “Mmm, kind of feels that way.” you whisper to yourself.

“Huh?” he questions, not hearing your words.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Just tired. Been a minute since I played like that is all. Hand hurts.” you answer.

“Okay...Well, what floor are you?” he asks.

“Eleven.” you answer stoically.

“Oh, me too!” he says, far too joyfully for your taste.

The elevator dings as you arrive at the eleventh floor, both of you stepping out into the carpeted hallway. You pull your keycard from your wallet as you round the corner.

Sam is not too far behind you, but stopping as he reaches the room next to yours, tapping his key to the lock.

“Night!” he says, nodding his head towards you.

“Later.” you reply, opening your door, and stepping inside.

Kicking off your boots you hobble further into the room, turning on a lamp and depositing your things on the dresser in one fell swoop.

You make your way into the bathroom, turning the shower on, letting the water get hot as you remove your clothes. The shower is quick, rinsing away the remnants of sweat and letting the scalding water relax your tired muscles. You massage the sting in your hand as you close it into a fist. Will this goddamn thing ever heal?

As the bathroom fills with steam you let your mind wander. It was so good to be back on the stage finally playing the songs as they were intended to be heard. The crowd seemed to love it, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N. Did she actually like it? Her smile as you walked off the stage should have been enough of an indication, but the smile was laced with something else. Her eyes were sad. You could tell she had been crying. You were feeling really confident mid set, nailing every note with ease, just like you practiced time and time again.

But the sadness of her demeanor as the show ended had you wondering if maybe you hadn’t done as well as you thought. Maybe she was expecting more? If you were good she would have told you, right? You’d do better tomorrow. You’d show her. All you really want is for her to be proud of you.

You turned the knob on the shower, letting the water trickle from the shower head until it came to a stop. You grabbed the towel from the rack and wrapped yourself in the scratchy white fabric. Walking back into the room, you unzipped your suitcase pulling out your sweats and a t-shirt before closing it back up.

You ran your fingers through your wet hair as you spotted the mini bar near the window. Squatting down in front of the offerings you found 4 mini bottles of Jack Daniel’s. Perfect.

Pulling them from the slot, you stood up and grabbed one of the glasses covered with a paper shield, and twisted the lid on the first bottle of Jack. Hesitating, your eyes flashed to the ice bucket. Yeah, I think so.

Ice bucket in hand you made your way to the door, grabbing your room key and twisting the lock. As you open the door to step out, you glance down the hallway in search of the vending machines, but what you see is not the sight you were looking for.

You see Y/N standing in front of Sam’s door, about to walk in. Your eyes meet quickly, as your grip on the ice bucket tightens. This is why she turned you down. For Sam.

Her eyes break from yours, glancing at the ice bucket in your hand and tossing you a sorrowful smile, just as she holds the card to the lock. Her eyes flash back up to yours, and you can still see that same look in them that she had earlier. She is sad. She looks away and steps inside, and as the door shuts behind you, you let out the breath that was caught in your chest at first sight of her.

When will it be my door she walks through? Will it ever be?

—

HER POV

You landed on your floor, and walked to your room to change out of your more professional outfit and into something a little more comfortable. It was a hot day, and changing out of the clothes you’d spent the day sweating in felt nice. You actually were very excited to shower the day off with Sam, and actually enjoy the shower itself.

You grabbed a pair of jeans and tshirt for the morning walk of shame, and changed into a loose tank top and shorts for tonight. You headed back to the elevator, and up to Sam’s room. On the ride up, you texted him to let him know you were coming.

You 12:09pm: Almost there!

Keys 12:10pm: Shower’s hot.

You 12:10pm: Good. So am I…

Keys 12:11pm: Hurry up

The elevator doors opened, and you took off down the hallway toward his room, only to be met with Jake, again, walking back down the hall with an ice bucket in hand. You felt like your skull was full of lightning bolts, thoughts bouncing around in your head of what lie you could tell him to get out of this one.

When his eyes met yours, his posture dropped. You didn’t need to lie. He knew exactly where you were going. Exactly why you turned down drinks. Neither of you said a word, just held eye contact as you walked slowly toward each other and approached your respective doors. You raised the key card to the handle, and it unlocked. You twisted the knob, and gave Jake one last longing look before slipping into Sam’s room.

You dropped your things on the couch, and took a deep and cleansing breath. Jake just had to be in the hallway at that exact moment, didn’t he? Why did you keep lining up like this? You decided to shake the thought free, and suppress the vision of the look on his face when he realized where you were going.

You heard the shower running in the bathroom, so you decided to give Sam a little show. You stripped down to nothing, and quietly opened the bathroom door. The shower glass was fogged up, but you could see the silhouette of his body inside. You pulled the handle on the thin glass of the door, and stepped inside. He wiped his face clean of the residual soap he was washing with, and opened his eyes to meet yours.

“Hey.” You said with a smile.

“Hey yourself.” He immediately pulled you into him, skin to skin, standing under the hot streams of the shower. “You killed it today, you know. You’re really a natural.” He began to lay his mouth on your neck.

“Mmm, I dunno Sam. Everyone pretty much already knows exactly what to do and how to do it. I don’t do much.” You replied, tilting your head back to give him more access.

“I guess…but you keep us on time and in touch. There’s got to be so much you do behind the scenes that no one ever notices.” He went on, turning you around and pulling his fingers through your hair to wet it.

“I suppose so, but enough about me. Let’s talk about how you guys made me cry in front of all my new coworkers tonight.” You joked, but not really.

“Ahh, I thought I saw you get a little emotional over there. Was it the Thunderstomp throwback?” he laughed, continuing to massage your scalp.

“That’s definitely made it worse… I was already just...in awe of you guys. How you sounded. How you performed...it’s unreal Sam. I’m being serious.”

“Well thanks, babe. I’m sorry you cried. I think happy tears are good for you, though.” He replied. You didn’t have the guts to tell them that they weren’t all happy tears.

You finished up washing yourselves, and were left still standing in the shower, taking each other in. You brought your hands up to hold Sam’s face, and placed a genuine kiss to his lips. He smiled, and wrapped his arms around you again. He kissed you back, a bit harder this time. You began fighting each other for dominance through the kiss as it became more heated, and your hands began to search each other’s bodies.

You felt yourself getting insanely turned on as Sam quickly backed you against the wall of the shower, and lifted one of your legs to rest over his hip. He tightened his jaw as he felt himself pressed against you, growing harder with each passing second. “God I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of how you feel...” he said through his clenched teeth. He began to grind against your now spread lips, and the friction was enough to drive you insane. He held you in place while he teased you with his tip, moving it from your clit to your entrance and back again, never fully pressing in.

“Please Sam, I need you.” You pleaded, begging him to fill you.

“Tell me what you need, baby. Talk to me.” He growled.

“Fuck, I need you inside me. Can you?” You looked up at him, giving him the eyes you knew he couldn’t refuse.

“Tell me why I should fuck you, hm? Give me a good reason...” he continued grinding hard against your clit, causing you to begin to see stars.

“Because you did so good tonight...played so perfect…” you whimpered.

He reached and grabbed your tit with his free hand, giving it a rewarding squeeze.

“Yeah? You enjoyed yourself tonight? Liked watching me up there?” He twisted your nipple, eliciting a cry from your throat.

“Yeah Sammy, I did like watching you...playing for all those people. So hot. All those screaming fans wishing they could have you…let you take them back to your room and have your way with them…” you spoke between breaths.

Suddenly he separated from you and released your leg, spinning you around to lean your arms down on the seat in the shower. You bent in half, and looked back toward him. He laid a loud smack across your right ass cheek, spurring you on.

“Keep going...” he ordered.

“But you weren’t going to bring them back to your room, because you knew I would come. And I would fuck you just how you like…right Sammy?” You said, backing yourself against him, teasing him a little now.

He let out a low growl, bringing his hands to your hips and pulling himself toward you. “Mmmmhm… but you did something you shouldn’t have, didn’t you angel?”

“And what is that?” you ask.

“I happened to see a sexy little picture on Jake’s phone… one that I’ve seen before…” he says, continuing to tease you.

“Mmmm… I may have sent it… Are you jealous Sammy?” you ask, pressing yourself back to him.

“No. Should I remind you who has you bent over in the shower with their cock inside you?” he says, pressing just the tip to your opening.

You decided to keep going. “I opened the photo you sent me during the show tonight…you looked so hot Sam...made me wet just looking at it…couldn’t take my eyes off of you all night.” he was teasing your entrance again.

“Fuckkkkk me…” he huffed, letting himself enter you just a little bit.

“Yeah Sam, please. Listen to yourself, falling apart for me, do it.” You stepped your legs apart a little and swayed your hips for him, giving him no choice but to give you what you wanted. Suddenly, you heard the shower turn off.

You turned to face him, a devilish look painting his features.

“Go get on the bed. Don’t dry off.” He spoke sternly smacking your ass, and you had no choice but to do just that.

JAKE POV

You watch as the ice starts to melt in the glass as you pour over the tiny bottle of warm Jack Daniels. Only giving it just enough time to chill before tossing it back and twisting the lid on the next.

You listen as the TV drones on in the background, playing some crime investigation show that you haven’t been paying attention to. How could you after that?

You wish you could silence the thoughts plaguing your mind. Wish you could drown them in the mini bottles of liquor now swirling through your bloodstream. But you can’t.

When the bottles are empty and your mind is fuzzy you retire to the bed, turning off the lamp and lowering the volume on the TV. As you scroll through your phone your eyelids become heavy and start to become harder and harder to hold open.

Thump.

Your eyes shot open. What was that?

Thump.

You sat up in your bed, looking around to find the source of the noise. Fucking hotels. The clock read 1:07 am. You had only been asleep for about 15 minutes. Pushing your hair out of your face you shake your head and lay back down. You grab the remote, turning the TV off, and trying to close your eyes to find the sleep you were disturbed from.

Thump. Thump.

“What the fuck…” you growl, but thats when you hear it. The muffled groan.

Your eyes widen as you realize where the noise is coming from. Fuck me.

Then you hear it again, the stifled whine traveling through the wall from Sam’s room. Wait, are they fighting? A pitchy moan floats through the wall. Oh, they are not fighting…God, I should not be listening to this.

Grabbing the remote you turn the TV back on, hoping the noise will drown out the sex seeping in from next door. Fucking Sam, what an asshole. They could have at least gone to her room.

As you lay there staring at the TV screen you watch as the detectives cover a body with a tarp as you hear the repeated moans echoing through the walls. Shit, kill me too while you’re at it.

Turning the volume up further on the TV you placed a pillow over your head, and tried to go back to sleep. Letting the soft feather pillow rest over your face, you feel yourself starting to slip back into that sleepy state. As your eyes begin to shut you hear the headboard as it slams against the wall yet again. Jesus Christ, when did he get so much stamina?

You grab the pillow and throw it to the other side of the bed in frustration and that's when the final straw is snapped. The fucked out moan you can hear clear as day through the paper thin walls, ‘Sam…’

You grab your phone off of the nightstand, finding his contact and hitting call. It’s no surprise when it rings through to voicemail. Asshole. You sigh as you set the phone down, seeing the black room phone sitting on the stand next to the lamp. Ha...he can’t ignore that.

Flicking on the lamp you pick up the phone, and call in to the front desk. It rings in for a moment before the woman on the other end asks what she can do to help you. “Hey, this is Jake Kiszka in room 1109, could you please connect me to Sam Kiszka in room 1107?” you ask as politely as possible.

“Sure thing, have a great night.” she replies, transferring the call and letting it ring through. You pull the receiver away from your ear as you listen to hear his phone ringing next door. Got ya bitch.

“Hello?” he answers, voice thick with confusion.

“Good evening Samuel. Do you think you could keep it the fuck down over there?” you ask.

He clears his throat, “You can… hear… over there?” he asks nervously.

“Yeah, I can and if I have to hear one more thing, the next scream to leave your mouth will be the last when I come over there and make you the next victim on this late-night murder investigation show I'm watching.” you say, hanging up the phone. That should do it.

Turning the lamp back off you adjust your pillows and roll to your side. The noise stopped after that and you found yourself falling back asleep, but it was not lost on you that the noises you were hearing were also coming from her. Does he make her happy? Does she even remember what it felt like to be with you? You wanted to be the reason she made those noises, not him. Would you ever get to do that again? You forced the thoughts out of your head and let the darkness carry your mind away to a place far, far from here.

NIGHT TWO

HER POV

Your alarm goes off right at 7:00, forcing your eyes open in panic. The room is bright, as the sun shines through from the window. The curtains left open in the haste of the evening.

Turning your head you see Sam, still passed out next to you, clearly unaffected by the sound of the alarm. You smirk as you roll to your side, grabbing your phone and scrolling through your emails, trying to wake up your brain for another insane day of work.

After a few minutes, you take one last look at Sam, sneak out of the bed and gather your clothes from the floor, sliding them back on as you search for your room key. You shut the door quietly behind you, as you make your way to the elevator pressing the call button to take you to your floor.

It dings as the doors open to reveal none other than Josh standing inside, steaming hot cup of coffee in his hand.

“Good morning!” he says cheerily, voice still thick with sleep.

“Hi Josh, looks like I don't need to knock on your door do I?” you laugh, pressing the 4th floor button until it’s illuminated.

“Knock on my door?” he asks, sipping from the steaming cup.

“Oh, yeah I told Sam and Danny I would come knock on their doors when they needed to get up today. Like a wake up call kinda, but I don't need to wake them up for another hour or so. You guys have an interview at the venue this morning.” you answer.

“Oh. We do?” he asks, brow furrowed.

You pulled out your phone and looked at the schedule for today. “Uh, yeah, right here. 11:00, it’s for Premier Guitar. Looks like it’s a Sam and Jake interview.”

“Oh, the guy for Rig Rundown?” he asks.

“Yeah, that's what it says in the notes.” you reply.

“Hmm… no one ever wants to hear about what the singer does…” he says dramatically ending with a wink and a smile.

“You and Danny have one later in the day, drama queen.”

The elevator descends slowly and you watch as the numbers start to count down.

“So if you don't have to wake them up for another hour, where were you coming from?” he asks, with a knowing smirk.

You cut your eyes at him, not wanting to answer his question. “Would you look at that, here's my floor...” you say stepping out into the hallway through the open doors.

“Hey, wait.” he calls, holding the door open with his arm. You turn to look at him, sending him a questioning look.

“Can we… talk later?” he asks.

You swallow nervously as your mind tries to come up with an answer, “About what?”

He tilts his head in response and you know exactly what he wants to talk about. You let a sigh leave your chest as you concede, “Okay... Later.”

He smiles and removes his arm, taking a sip of his coffee and raising his eyebrow as the doors shut in front of him.

Shit.

—

After a long shower and some primping you are feeling good and ready to tackle another day. You check your phone to see that it’s time to go wake up the rest of the guys to make sure they have enough time to get ready and be at the venue on time.

Pressing the button for the elevator you make your way to Danny’s room first, knocking on the door twice and waiting for some type of confirmation that he was awake. After a minute or two you heard the lock twist and the door open, to see a mess of curls and tired eyes.

“Good morning…” he groans. “How long do I have? Is there coffee?” he asks.

“You have about an hour until we need to meet downstairs. Yes there is coffee.” you answer.

He drags his hand over his face and groans as he nods his head. “Thank you. Really. I will see you shortly.” he smiles, and you turn on your heels heading back to the elevator.

Stepping off on floor eleven, you try to decide if you should wake Sam first or Jake first, knowing that both had a very late night, and are not particularly morning people. Picking the lesser of the two evils you head to Sam’s door, tapping the key to the lock and letting it open.

He is almost exactly how you left him, except the blankets have been shoved down to the foot of the bed, the heat of the sun shining in, warming the room. You sit on the edge of the bed, and grab his leg, shaking it gently to try and wake him. “Sammy…” you whisper.

A groan leaves his chest, “Not yet…” he whines, throwing a pillow over his eyes.

“I let you sleep as long as I could…you have to get up or you’re going to be late.” you say softly.

“Ugh… you sound like my mother…” he says.

You stand up and walk to his side of the bed, hovering over top of him as your hands cage in his head. You lean down and press a kiss to the side of his neck, hoping that it would at least get him to open his eyes, and like magic it works.

His dark brown eyes flutter open quickly raking over you as his lips turn into a smile.

“Damn, you look gorgeous, did you do something different to your hair?” he asks, reaching up to run his fingers through the silky smooth locks.

You laugh as you stand up, “I had some time this morning so I gave myself a blowout, why do you like it?” you ask.

“Yeah… you look…hot.” he smiles, sitting up in the bed and grabbing your hand pulling you towards him. “How much time do we have again?” he asks suggestively.

“Not enough…now get up and get in the shower. I’ll see you downstairs in an hour. Please be on time…” you say making your way back to the door.

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“Next door. I have to wake up your brother.” you answer.

Guilt shoots through him as he remembers the events of the evening, “Probably not so sexy of a wake up call for him though, huh?”

You laugh, “No, probably not Sam. Just you.” you say in a mocking tone, letting the door shut behind you.

You nervously walk the few steps to his door, as the memory of his face last night flashes through your brain. If you had just been 2 minutes earlier he wouldn’t have seen you walking into Sam’s room. You swallow shakily as you lift your hand to knock on the heavy wooden door.

You stand there anxiously, waiting to see if you can hear any sign of life on the other side. When you hear nothing, you decide to knock again, this time being met with the door being thrown open and an irritated Jake on the other side.

His face softens as he realizes it’s you and he swallows back the harsh words that were about to leave his lips.

Your eyes travel up the length of his body as he stands there leaning against the door frame in just his sweats. You cast your eyes to the floor as you try to speak the twenty different thoughts swirling through your brain, “Umm… hey… I just…I woke up the rest of the guys… you have an interview later…just didn’t want you to oversleep. I didn’t mean to bother you…I didn’t even ask you if you wanted a wake up call, did I? You probably didn’t…I’m sorry… I was just next door and I thoug–” you stammered before he stopped you.

“Hey. Relax. It’s fine. Thanks for waking me up. Just use a key next time so I don’t have to get out of bed. I’m hungover as fuck, is there coffee downstairs anywhere?” he grumbles, rubbing his face.

You blink blankly at him as your brain searches for any words, “Uhh, yeah. Yes. There is. I can have room service send some up if you want.” you say pulling your phone from your back pocket.

“No, no it’s okay, I can get it. Thank you though. Thanks for waking me. What time do I need to be down there?” he asks.

You check the time on your phone, “Like… 45 minutes.” you answer, biting your lip.

His eyes meet yours, and he smiles softly as he nods his head, “Thank you.” You nod in return, turning to walk back to the elevator, and stepping inside as the doors opened. But as the doors began to close you noticed him still standing in his doorway, watching you leave. Your eyes meeting his and never breaking away until the doors slid shut.

—

Your foot bounces nervously on the lobby floor as you wait for the guys to begin trickling down stairs. You check the time on your phone as texts and emails continue to pour in. Danny is the first to meet you, taking a seat next to you on the small couch.

“I’m not surprised you’re the first one down.” you laugh.

“Yeah, I am usually the one doing the wake up calls, it was nice to be the recipient this time.” he smiles.

A few minutes later you see Sam strolling out of the elevator, fresh from the shower, hair still wet and slicked back, just barely touching the collar of his white shirt.

“My two favorite people!” he says, positioning himself on the chair across from you.

“Ready for your big interview?” you ask.

“Oh, yeah, we have done this with him before, but this time my bass actually has strings.” he laughs. “But, I had an idea and I will need your help…” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

He spends the next ten minutes telling you and Danny about his hairbrained idea involving a tiny table and chairs and a bottle of vodka, both of you erupting in laughter. You shoot a quick text to one of the crew members, trying to coordinate those details for him knowing it will add some comedy to an otherwise monotonous interview.

Summer is the next one down, sitting next to Danny and immediately starting up an overly animated conversation.

The elevator dings and you all turn your heads to see Josh and Jake walking out of the elevator together, your breath catching in your throat as your eyes meet Jakes.

He looks so…good. Dressed in a black button up, sans buttons, a navy blue blazer, and a pair of loose fitting jeans, he looked perfectly disheveled. Mature. Expensive. Much different from the guy you knew a few years ago in ripped jeans and cut off t-shirts. But as he approached you, you could smell him. His cologne leaving a trail behind him as he walked, spicy and warm and positively intoxicating. You swallowed harshly trying to keep your composure as you let the scent fill your nose.

“We ready to go?” Josh asked, looking around at the group.

You stood up from the couch, clutching your iPad, “Yeah, the van was here like twenty minutes ago.” you laugh.

“Some of us needed a little extra sleep this morning. Didn’t sleep well last night. Thin walls, you know?” Jake says, tossing a bitter look to Sam.

Sam’s face turns pale as he stands up and walks towards the door heading for the van. Guilt washes through you as you follow the rest of them out the doors and into the bright sun.

You all pile into the van, and thankfully the drive is short, as Summer has not stopped talking since the doors shut. All of the guys were being far too polite and were too hungover to tell her to stop. You spend most of the ride responding to emails and running over the itinerary for the day and before you know it you are pulling into the back of the venue. As you all step out, the guys linger waiting to be told where they need to be.

“Okay, Jake and Sam, John with Premier Guitar will be here in about 45 minutes to start the interview. Sam I already talked to Mike and he is getting your little table ready. Josh and Daniel, the interviewer from 105.9 will be here at 12:30. After that you’re free to do whatever you need to do. Summer, if you want to just kind of float around and get some photos of the guys, you are good to do your own thing. Any questions?” you ask.

They all nod their heads and break off towards the green room as you and Summer walk towards the stage to check on the progress.

“Was your room okay last night?” you ask, trying to make small talk.

She holds her camera up to her eye, checking her settings as she turns to you, “Yeah, it was really nice. How about yours?”

“Oh, yeah, the rooms are great. Hoping to get better sleep tonight though. Looking forward to another jam-packed day, first.” you laugh.

Looking over her shoulder she checks her surroundings, “Okay was it just me or was Jake looking extra good this morning? Did you smell him? Ugh, I hope he never buttons his shirts ever again.” she giggles.

You laugh, “He looked pretty hungover to me…”

“But you have to admit he's hot though…” she says, holding the camera up to her eye, snapping the capture button.

“Our boss? Jake?” you say, condescendingly.

“Ugh… objectively then. Just as a man.” she says.

“Yes, objectively as a man he is attractive, but he’s still our boss and has the ability to fire us for any reason he sees fit. I think it would be smart to keep that in mind, you know?” you quip.

“Yeah, yeah… I hear you.” she smiles, before scurrying off to the soundbooth.

You shake your head as you climb the stairs to the stage, looking to make sure the table and chairs are set in the back for Sam. When you see the tiny table and the drinks you laugh, ready to see how his little vision will play out later.

Walking back down the steps you thank the crew for assisting with the last minute addition before making your way to the green room. You check the time on your phone, seeing that the interviewer will be here any minute. Jake and Sam were lounging on the couch, nursing their hangovers with none other than more alcohol.

You shake your head as you address them, “Are you two ready?”

Sam stands up and slides his black loafers back on, as he tries to crack his knuckles, “Yeah I’m ready if he is.” he says motioning to Jake, who is sipping from his paper cup, sunglasses sitting low on his nose.

“Alright alright…Yes, I’m ready.” he says, pushing his sunglasses up and tossing back the rest of his drink. He stands to meet Sam and fixes his blazer and shirt, making himself look less hungover and more presentable.

A knock at the door has your head snapping to meet it, as you reach for the handle. You’re met with the sight of an older man, who you’re assuming was here to interview them, with a bag full of mics and a camera team.

“Hey, I’m John with Premier Guitar. You guys ready!?” he asks excitedly.

Suddenly Jake steps forward, his entire demeanor changing as he becomes a more polished and clean version of himself, shaking hands with the man like they were old friends. Jake led him and his crew out to the stage, as you and Sam followed closely behind.

“Geeze, that was weird, he just…turned on.” you say to Sam.

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, he does that… Mr. Popularity… I tell ya…” he says. “Alright, see you in a bit.” he says, squeezing your hand before climbing up the stairs to the stage.

You watch from the side stage, as Jake talks intently about his passion, explaining the ins and outs of his set up, the ideas he came up with for the sound and the way he intends things to be heard. It’s incredibly addicting watching him speak so passionately about what he loves. You have a hard time tearing your eyes away from him as you watch him demonstrate the different pedals and effects, pouring his soul into every note.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed as you watched, but when a gentle hand made its way to your shoulder you were snapped from your moment of weakness.

“Oh, hi.” you say, turning to see Josh.

“Having fun?” he asks with a knowing tone.

“Just… making sure everything is running smoothly.” you answer.

“Right, right. That's all, hmm?” he asks with a wink.

You shake your head, “What’s up?”

“Come walk with me, wanna talk to you.” he says, gesturing to follow him.

“Right now? They are right in the middl–” you start.

“Exactly, let’s go.” he says, raising his eyebrows.

With a huff, you follow after him, meeting his stride as you head back towards the dressing rooms.

He steps inside, shutting the door behind you and taking a seat on the couch. You place your iPad on the table and sit down across from him.

“Okay, what’s up, are you firing me?” you laugh.

He laughs his genuine laugh, “No, of course not. You’re doing spectacular. No, I want to talk about… something else.”

You feel your palms start to sweat, and suddenly you know what he wants to talk about.

“Okay…” you reply nervously.

“How long are you two going to do this?” he asks.

“Do what?” you ask.

He tilts his head, “Come on Y/N, you know what. The back and forth, the subtle glances, the longing for each other from across the room…”

You let out a sigh,“I don’t think it’s like that between us anymore…I don’t think he feels… the same way anymore.” you offer.

A scoff leaves his chest, “Open your eyes Y/N. That man is deeply, deeply in love with you. Has been since he was sixteen years old. I think it’s safe to say he feels the same way as he always has.”

“He just broke up with Sophia, and… I don’t know, I thought maybe we would talk after all of that happened, but… we haven’t and… I’m just… waiting. I don’t know what for…I guess I just don’t want to mess things up. Tour just started. I don’t know Josh, everything is a mess. And really, truly he hasn’t really given me any indication that he wants to talk. Although… I guess he did ask to get drinks last night…”

“And… did you?” he asks, shocked.

“No.” you say looking at the floor.

“What? Why not?” he asks.

“Well… I had already made plans with Sam.” you reply.

He drags his hand across his face, “Shit Y/N…”

“Do you love him?” he asks.

“Who Sam!?” you ask, looking at him like he's crazy.

“No, Jake.” he replies.

You pause for a moment, your eyes searching his as you answer, “Of course I do, Josh. I never stopped.”

“So what are you waiting for? Go to him!” he urges.

“I can’t! It’s not that simple!” you say, raising your voice.

“It is! Cut things off with Sam and go talk to Jake! He needs you, and you’re torturing him. He is waiting for you!” he begs.

“He’s waiting for me? I’ve been waiting for him.” you breathe, almost a whisper.

“Yeah. He is. And in the meantime it’s killing him to watch you with Sam.” he says.

“He saw me…last night. I turned him down in the lobby. I really wanted to go with him, but I couldn’t just ditch Sam. He’s been there for me a lot lately, he means a lot to me, you know? Anyways, I felt terrible. Awful actually. But I went to Sam’s room, and as I was unlocking the door, Jake coming out of his room at the exact moment. He knew I turned him down for Sam. I wanted to disintegrate.” you say.

“I know. He texted me about it…Drank half of the mini bar because of it. Like I said, you’re torturing him.” he quipped. “You two need to talk. Seriously.”

“I know. I’m just scared Josh.” you admit.

“Don’t be scared, all he wants to do is love you.” he says.

“I’m not the same person I used to be. What if he doesn’t like who I am now?” you ask.

“He has loved every version of you he’s ever met, Y/N.” he offers.

You nod your head as you try to blink away the tears forming in your eyes.

“You are the only thing he has ever wanted, apart from this.” he says motioning around him. “Now he has it, but what is all of this without you? This will never be enough for him. He needs you.”

A single tear streaks down your face, as your walkie talkie beeps on your shoulder. ‘Y/N can you meet us at the soundbooth?’

“I have to go.” you say standing up and wiping away the tear.

“Okay, please, just think about what I said. Just talk to him.” he begs.

You swallow back the lump in your throat, “I will. Promise.” and with that you’re out the door.

As you hear it slam behind you, a shaky breath releases from your chest, just as Sam and Jake come barreling down the hallway. You do your best to put on a happy face as you see them, but you can see Jake’s smile drop as he meets your gaze.

Sam tries to stop you but you push past, “I have to go to the soundbooth but I’ll be right back okay?” Sam tosses you a concerned look but you ignore it, knowing if you turned around you would break down completely.

—

With only five minutes until the show began, you started to run through your final checklist, making sure everyone was dressed and ready, and had everything they needed. Again tonight you got to stand by and watch their pre show ritual, your heart instantly flooded with pride, just the same as last night.

You stand by the door as they file out one by one, checking to make sure their outfits are perfect. Josh first, then Danny, followed by Sam.

“Spin, let me see you.” you say, causing Sam to twirl in a circle with his topo chico in hand.

“Oh, let me fix your pants.” you say squatting down to smooth out the baby blue fabric on his leg.

“There. Off you go.” you say, swatting his butt with the iPad in your hand.

Finally, Jake walks out of the door, and as you check his outfit you see his collar flipped up again. “Hey, wait...” you say, the crowd roaring in the distance.

He turns to face you, swallowing as his eyes meet yours. “Your collar…again.” you smile, focusing on the fabric, folding it into place, letting your hand slide down his lapel ever so slightly. He turns and repositions his jacket, throwing his hair over his shoulders before turning back to you “Am I good?” he asks innocently, eyes searching yours.

Your eyes flick back up to meet his, “You’re perfect.” you breathe.

You watch as the sides of his lips turn upwards, as he tries to stifle back a smile.

He turns to catch up with the guys, looking over his shoulder at you once more before climbing the stairs to the stage.

You toss your head back onto the wall and sigh, continuing to think about what Josh said earlier. He was right, you really didn’t know what you were waiting for.

You would talk to him. Tonight.

—

Somehow the show tonight was even better than the night before. While you’re sure it had something to do with the show being recorded tonight, part of you wants to believe they will just get better and better with every show under their belt. Josh’s vocals were incredible, nailing each note with perfect precision, and making it look easy.

Your eyes were once again drawn to Jake as he played through the set putting every ounce of effort he had into the performance. He lived for this, and it was very apparent in the passion he poured into each show. Every so often you would peel your eyes away from his hands working the strings, and focus on Sam, vying for the attention of the girls on the barricade screaming his name. You shook your head and smiled at the looks he would give them. He is such a flirt.

When the guys rushed off stage before the encore, it was a flurry of hands, towels and water flying past your face as they all ran to the bathrooms. Quickly they returned one by one, preparing for the last 20 minutes of the show.

Pulling his jacket back over his arms, you watched the sweat continue to pour down Jake's stomach meeting the top of his pants. As you watched it drip you caught yourself, forcing your eyes back up to his face, only to be caught in the act.

A sly smile crossed his lips as he repositioned his guitar over his body, raising his eyebrows at you quickly before striding back onto the stage.

Shit. What was that?

The rest of the show was magnetic and you positively could not pull your eyes away from Josh as he gave the crowd everything he had. As the last notes rang through the venue you stood to the side, watching the guys rush past you one by one with haste as they made their way back to the green room.

You left the crew to do their thing and begin breaking down the set, as you start to run through the inventory checklist backstage, checking off each item as it was placed into its case. As you make your way towards the dressing rooms, you instruct the crew to hang their white coveralls in the travel case to be dry cleaned. Stepping into the main green room you see everyone standing around enjoying a much deserved drink, talking and laughing over the success of the show.

“Hey guys, you sounded amazing tonight! The van should be here in about 15 minutes to take you back to the hotel, so if you will just hang your suits in the case outside the door, I will send them off to be dry cleaned.”

They all nod in agreement, turning back to their conversations. Sam walks over to you, throwing his arm over your shoulder planting a kiss on your cheek. “You did it! Your first shows are done and dusted.” he smiles.

You wrap your arm around his waist, and laugh, “Well, I still have to make sure the rest of the crew gets the stage and everything packed up before I am done, but you guys are free to go when the van gets here. No need to wait on me.” you smile.

“Nonsense. We’re staying, right guys?” he asks, pulling you closer into his side.

“Yeah, we don’t have anywhere to be, as long as there is alcohol we are set.” Josh answers with a laugh.

“Okay, it shouldn't be too long I don’t think…” you say, releasing yourself from Sam's grip. “I’ll go check and see what the progress looks like and report back.”

You excuse yourself from the room, mind a blur as the image of Jake’s still sweaty body sat lounging on the leather couch. Shit, will I ever get used to that?

Returning to the stage you see that the crew is practically finished, just loading the pieces into the semi. You talk with the crew, releasing them for the night once they are finished, and telling them you would send them the schedule for tomorrow as soon as you could.

About twenty minutes later you are walking back into the green room to see that everyone had changed into their normal clothes, hanging their suits just like you asked. As you took a survey of the room you saw Sam and Danny chatting in the corner, Josh looking at his phone and Jake talking intently to Summer, who was practically perched in his lap as she spoke to him.

Your brow furrowed as you watched them, deeply engrossed in what each other was saying. You couldn’t fully hear their conversation, but you could see the pink in Jake’s cheeks as he laughed and smiled at her words. You could see the twinkle in her eyes as she continued to flirt with him, starting a fire in your chest. Maybe he does like her…

You turn your attention to Josh, “You ready to get out of here?” you ask.

He turns his head to look at Jake and Summer before answering you. “Yeah, probably should. Give any thought to what I said earlier?”

“Yeah, I did… I thought maybe I would talk to him tonight but now I don't know… He seems a little… preoccupied.” you respond.

“Ahh…He’s just being nice, don’t worry about her. He only has eyes for you.” he smiles as he stands up. “Alright boys, let's go!” he says, getting the attention of the other guys.

You make your way over to Sam, letting him pull you into his lap wrapping his arms around your waist as you laugh. You see Jake's eyes flash over to yours, connecting briefly as Sam whispers into your ear, pressing a kiss to the side of your head as he continues his conversation with Danny. Jake’s face drops, the sudden rosy quality of his face draining away to a pale shade that made you feel sick.

You didn’t want Summer to see the interaction between you and Sam so you quickly stood up, and made your way over to the door, opening it for everyone as they started to gather their things. Summer was the first out, camera bag in hand and completely oblivious to your moment with Sam. Jake followed after her, stopping to let Danny and Josh walk out before him.

As they filed out you shut the door behind yourself, wondering if Josh was actually right about Jake. Was he really still in love with you? He looked awfully cozy with Summer…

No. No more excuses. You were going to talk to him. You didn’t know how, but you knew you had to.

JAKE POV

Walking to catch up with Josh you leaned closer to whisper into his ear, “Did you see that shit Sam pulled? Why does he do that right in front of me? Does he think this is some kind of game?” you asked.

“Ahh… he probably saw how comfortable you looked with Summer and thought you wouldn’t mind.” he answers, raising his eyebrow.

“She came to talk to me… what was I supposed to do?” you ask.

“She did not come to talk to you Jacob. She was flirting with you. Even Y/N noticed.” he says.

What?

“She did?” you asked, rubbing your jaw nervously.

“Yeah…Hey listen I talked to her today…” he starts just as you arrive at the van.

“And… what? What did she say?” you beg, turning him to face you.

The van driver begins to talk to him and he gets distracted from your conversation, “Josh. What did she say?” you demand.

He looks around, not making eye contact with you, “Now isn’t a good time. I will tell you later. Promise.” he says, stepping into the van.

Fucker.

You climb in after him, pulling your phone from your pocket to distract yourself from the sight of her and Sam sitting in front of you. Summer climbs in taking the seat next to you and smiling at you as she settles her camera bag onto her lap. As the van begins to drive away she pulls her camera from its case and starts to flip through the photos from the night. You peer over her shoulder as you see shot after shot of yourself playing.

Damn, those are kinda good…

Every few photos she would pat your thigh to get your attention, sending a shiver up your spine as she would show you a particularly good shot. Much of the van ride was silent, apart from the few ‘ooo’s’ that would leave her mouth as she looked through her shots.

As the van pulled up outside the hotel you all filed out, you and Josh being the last ones out. Summer walked ahead as you stayed back to try and get Josh to finish what he was trying to tell you earlier.

“Okay, tell me. What did you two talk about.” you ask.

He sighs as he answers, “Well… you.”

You look ahead to find her, and see her walking into the elevator. “Yeah, and…” you urge.

The doors shut, leaving the two of you waiting for the next elevator.

“I think it would be better if you heard it from her. She wants to talk, Jake. She told me.” he says.

The doors open to the elevator, and the both of you walk in, pressing the buttons for your respective floors, as the doors shut once again.

“Okay but when?” you ask desperately.

“I don't know Jake, but I think it will be soon.” he says, as the doors open on his floor. “Just be patient. Call me if you need me.” he says, stepping out and walking away.

God damnit. You were done being patient. Should you go to her? Should you wait for her to come to you?

Tapping your key card to your door you step inside and throw yourself onto the bed with a sigh. Fucking hell what an exhausting day.

As you lay there running your hands over your face you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. Removing a hand from your face you reach into the pocket and retrieve your phone.

Summer 11:48pm : Some of us are going to the bar downstairs, wanna come?

You practically drained the mini bar last night, why not? Maybe Y/N will be there.

You 11:50pm: Sure, be there shortly.

Summer 11:51pm: :)

After a few minutes freshening up in the bathroom you make your way back down to the lobby and over into the bar. You see Danny and Summer sitting at the bar chatting and walk over to join them.

“Hey man, didn’t think you were gonna make it.” Danny says facetiously.

“Ahh Daniel… You know I can’t turn down a good stiff drink after a long show.” you laugh.

You take a seat next to Summer, and order a Glenlivet on the rocks, sipping the spicy liquid from the rim of the glass.

After a little rundown of the show the conversation quickly turns into Danny telling Summer every embarrassing story about you that he can come up with. Summer is full of laughter, patting your knee and smiling as she listens intently to Danny’s stories.

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or exhaustion but, the more you got to talk to her and get to know her, you were starting to enjoy her company. She is kind of pretty…she has a great smile.

You found yourself listening closer as she spoke, and genuinely laughing at her jokes. After two more scotch’s Daniel retired to bed, leaving you and Summer at the bar, still sipping away as the conversation flowed.

As she grabbed her glass from the bar top, the condensation pooling under her fingers causing her glass to slip, spilling the mojito all over herself.

“Shit!” she exclaimed, grabbing the tiny cocktail napkins from the counter and pressing them to her now soaked shirt.

“Here let me grab you some more napkins.” you say reaching over the bartop.

“Actually, want me to run up and grab you a dry shirt? I have a few spares.” you offer.

Her eyes flash over to yours, “Are you sure you don't mind?”

“No, not at all.” you say, standing a little too quickly, causing your head to spin.

“Actually, do you mind if I come with you? I’d love to be able to wash this off a little bit.” she asks.

“Uh, sure, no problem.” you say, leading the way.

She follows you into the elevator, her wet shirt clinging to her body, and you find that you’re having a hard time peeling your eyes away from her chest.

You swallow heavily as the doors open, and you let her walk out in front of you, telling her the room number as you make your way to the door. You tap your card to the lock, letting it open and guiding her inside.

“Bathroom is right there, use anything you need.” you offer, walking over to your suitcase looking for a shirt.

Finding the one you were looking for you turn around to see her stepping back out of the bathroom, but the wet shirt is gone, and she’s approaching you in just her bra.

Fuck…

You quickly turn around, trying to give her privacy, only to be met with a giggle from across the room.

“You don’t have to turn around Jake…I’m not shy…” she says.

“Just trying to give you some privacy.” you stammer.

“It’s just a bra, it’s not like I’m naked…” she laughs. “It’s okay, really. You can turn around. I know you want to…”

You press your lips together, biting them between your teeth as you turn to face her. She’s right. You do want to turn around. You hand her the t-shirt and like magnets, your eyes are drawn to her chest and the curve of her breasts spilling over her black bra.

She watches you as you take her in, finding your mind wandering to a place you least expected it to. She slides the shirt over her head, never breaking eye contact with you as you step closer to her.

“Well, how does it look?” she asks, stepping closer to you.

You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket as you slide your hands around her waist.

Her hands come to rest at the opening of your shirt, sliding up your chest and behind your neck.

“A perfect fit, I’d say. But I almost liked it better, off. ” you say, voice thick with lust.

She reaches down, grabbing the hem of the shirt, tossing it onto the bed behind you leaving her in just her bra in front of you.

Your thumbs circle the smooth skin of her stomach as she repositions herself in front of you, pulling your face closer to hers.

“Better?” she whispered against your lips.

“Yeah, I think so.” you answer confidently, pressing your lips to hers, tasting the mint from her mojitos on her lips. You pull away quickly, testing the waters before kissing her again, this time a little harder.

The kiss becomes more furious, your tongue tangling with hers as her hands wind into your hair. She steps backwards pulling you towards the bed, as you trail sloppy kisses down her neck and chest, pushing her towards the bed.

“Did you like the pictures I took of you tonight, Jake?” she asked, voice thick with lust.

“Mmmmhm…” you groaned, as she fell beneath you.

She falls backwards as you kneel over her, trailing kisses over the curve of her breasts.

“You looked so good. So sexy. I couldn’t stop…” she breathes.

She grabs your hand to place it over the cup of her bra, guiding you to grab at her curvy flesh. You return your mouth to hers, deepening the kiss, as your fingers slide the strap of her bra down her shoulder.

“Do you want to fuck me Jake?” she asks in a breathy tone.

Just as you go to answer her you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket again and you pull away from her and kneel on the bed, quickly looking to see who it was.

Shit.

You look back to Summer, waiting for you to return your lips to hers, and answer her question. Right then you felt a pang in your chest. What are you doing? You are making a huge mistake. You stand up from the bed, adjusting your pants as you open the message.

LD 12:03am : Hey, are you still up? Can we talk?

Your heart sinks into your stomach as you read it. No…Fuck. What shit timing.

Your eyes flick back to Summer. She has to leave, right now.

Leaning away from her, you push yourself up off of the bed, fixing your shirt and wiping your lips.

“I’m sorry, we can’t do this.” you say stepping back and pacing across the room.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“We work together, we can’t hook up. We shouldn’t have done this.” you answer.

“What’s the big deal Jake? It doesn’t have to turn into anything. No one has to know. Can be our little secret.” she smirks.

“No. It can’t. You’re here to do your job, and I am here to do mine. If you’re not capable of that, I will find someone else to do it.” you say sternly.

She sits up, pulling the t-shirt over her head, covering herself back up as she stands up from the bed. “Damn I guess Y/N was right…did you turn her down too?” she asks sarcastically.

“What?” you ask.

“Y/N told me not to bother with you, that you only cared about work. I thought she was just trying to scare me off… Guess she was right afterall. What a shame…” she says, grabbing her purse from the chair.

She does care…

“Summer, you are a beautiful girl but this just can’t happen between us. I really am sorry, okay? I don’t want to hurt your feelings, I just think we need to keep things professional for the sake of the tour.” you say, trying your best to calm the fire.

“Sure Jake…whatever you say… I’ll see you in the morning.” she says, shutting the door behind her.

Oh my god, what a nightmare.

How could you be so stupid? Worst of all you weren’t even enjoying it.

You open the message reading it again. ‘Can we talk?’ Your mind was reeling. You were in no shape to try and talk to her, even though that��s all you wanted to do. The scotch was still working its way through your system, and you knew she deserved more than your half drunk confession.

You needed to text her back. At least tell her you wanted to, just not tonight. You walked over to the mini bar, pulling out the only remaining bottles. Tequila.

You walked over to the door, flipping the lock and kicking off your shoes. You stripped down to your boxers and made your way into the bed, mini bottles in tow. You twisted the lid on the first tossing it down as you reopened the text. What should you say?

Typing in the message you hover over the send button, but quickly delete the thought. No. That’s not right.

You shoot down the next bottle and place it on the nightstand, turning off the lamp. You settle down into the pillows and push your hair from your face. Okay. Let’s try again.

The screen was starting to become blurry as the tequila entered your bloodstream. You were having a hard time focusing and you could feel the sleep creeping into your body. Your eyes began to close as your thumb hovered over the button.

Just send the message Jake.

Just hit send.

—

HER POV

The next morning, everyone began piling into the vans to head back home bright and early. Light chatter filled the cabin, everyone still feeling the effects of the long few days. Exhausted, you begin looking around to do another head count. It was starting to feel like you were a preschool teacher counting your students every 5 minutes.

Most of the crew was accounted for…but of course, only ¾ of the actual band members. “Where is Jake?” You asked, walking over to them standing by the door of the van.

“He’ll be here, you know how he is.” Josh said, not looking up from his phone. You glanced at the time, with a sigh.

“We don’t have time for that, we’re leaving in 15 minutes. I have to get the crew home, they have other places to be.” You spat, aggravated. You stood for another minute or two, and decided to take matters into your own hands.

“Fine. I will go get him myself.” you said, making your way back inside. Luckily, you hadn’t turned in the keycards to the front desk.

You make the trek up to his room, suddenly feeling anxious again as you approach the door. ‘Just use a key next time so I don’t have to get out of bed’ running through your mind.

Well, I need him to get out of bed. You pressed the key to the lock, hearing it release. You closed your eyes, and took a breath. You put just your face inside the door, trying not to look around.

“Jake? Hey… We gotta go, it’s time.” You said softly.

Silence.

You peeked inside a little more, seeing his hair splayed out on the bed. Still asleep, of course.

You decided to walk in a little further, closing the door softly behind you. He had his back to the door, laying on his side. His body was wrapped around two or three pillows and he was in nothing but his black boxers. Your chest tightened at the sight. It felt strange seeing him this way, asleep and completely vulnerable.

“Jake…” You tried again. Dead asleep.

You walked around the other side of the bed, still feeling like you were intruding, but also taking in the sight of him. You had always loved watching him sleep, his features even more relaxed than they usually were. His eyelids jumping back and forth while he dreamed, his lips parted slightly as he breathed. You wondered what he was dreaming about, secretly wishing it was you.

You would admit that you were upset that he didn’t text you back last night, but it was late, and he had to have been completely drained. But still you held out hope.

You came around to face his front, seeing that he still had his phone in his hand. He fell asleep reading my text? Maybe he had seen it? As you grabbed it from his hand you placed it on the nightstand, but it was then that you really took in the state of his room. Clothes everywhere, and tons of empty bottles lying scattered across the bedside table and floor. As realization hit you, your mood shifted leaving you angry and confused. What is wrong with him?

“JACOB!” You yelled, finally feeling bold enough to shake him physically on the arm. “Wake up! We’ve got to go!”

His eyes finally began to open as he woke up. When he saw that it was you waking him up, the smallest smile formed on his face, melting you into a puddle.

He finally opened his eyes all the way, and stretched his muscles, straightening his legs down the length of the bed revealing more of him than you ever thought you’d see this morning.

“Mmm” he groaned, his face stretching into a smile. “Hey.”

“Hey, I’m sorry to wake you, but we’re running really late. I need you to get downstairs and loaded up.” you say.

His eyes widen, and he searches for his phone. “Shit, I’m sorry. I must’ve slept through my alarm.” He said, rolling off the other side of the bed and walking into the bathroom.

“You probably didn’t even set one, seeing as how you killed the mini bar again last night, hmm?” You said with bitterness in your voice.

He breathed a sigh of agitation, with himself or with you, you weren’t sure.

You gave him a second of privacy in the bathroom, and he stumbled back out into the room, holding his head.

“Hungover?” You asked, already knowing the answer. You could spot hungover Jake a mile away. Definitely.

“A little I suppose.” He spoke quietly, suddenly looking defeated.

“Jake, I know everything’s...not really…okay right now. You just went through a bad breakup and...nothing’s ideal but, you seem off, and it’s only the start of the tour. I don’t want to interject, but I...I really don’t like seeing you like this. We all need you to take care of yourself, you know? This thing doesn’t work without you.” You said, speaking in white lies, but needing something to get him to talk a little. After all, you didn’t get to last night.

He scoffed, picking up various items and throwing them in his suitcase while you stood watching. “Look, I had every intention of talking to you last night. But by the time you texted, I had already drank way too much…I was halfway asleep, and I…I don’t know. It felt...” he trailed off.

You raised your eyebrows, waiting for the rest.

He conceded, “I don’t really know it just felt like the wrong time. I was…” he stalled.

“Just one word, Jake. That’s all I need.” You spoke quietly.

He hesitated hard, until he finally spoke, “Scared, I guess? Nervous?”

You were lost for words. Why was he scared to talk to me? Had we really fallen that far away from each other?

Your eyes met his for a second and your heartbeat began to race. “I don’t know. We can…talk about it later? Can you…can you just help me throw some of this shit in my bag so we can get out of here?” He asked, still rushing around in slow motion.

You snapped away from your thoughts. “Yeah, sure.”

You began picking up various clothing items from the floor, and as you made your way around the bed, you spotted something that looked out of place. Is that? You picked up a woman’s shirt from the floor, holding it up to inspect it. Your gut sank. This is what Summer was wearing last night.

“This yours?” You asked, dangling the shirt from your finger.

He turned around to see you holding it up, and he immediately let his head fall back as he sighed. “Fuck.”

“Fuck is right.” You tossed the shirt onto the bed, and felt your head become fuzzy with rage. Was anything he just said true? “I guess I see why you were scared to come and talk to me last night.”

He slowly walks over to you, “No…Y/N, I swear it’s not what it-”

“It’s not what it looks like?” you say cutting him off. “Seeing your photographer’s shirt on your floor? I think it’s exactly what it looks like, Jake.” You were spitting fire towards him. You decided you needed to get out of that room as quickly as you could.

“I’m sorry I interrupted your night.” You said with your back turned to him. “We’re leaving here in five minutes, with or without you.” and with that, you slammed the door shut behind you.

JAKE POV

Your heart was pounding out of your chest. Oh fuck, what did I do? Do I go after her? Do I let her go? What the fuck was I thinking?

You quickly shove everything into your suitcase, cursing yourself with every movement. God damnit I have fucked up.

Looking around the room to make sure you had everything you really took in the mess. The entire trash can was filled with mini bottles and they were scattered across every open surface. Shit. Maybe she was right. I do need to get my life together.

You won her heart once, you knew you could do it again, and that's exactly what you were going to do. You had to.

Quickly pulling on whatever clean clothes you could find you zipped your suitcase and were rushing out the door, and downstairs to the van.

As you made your way to the door, Josh threw it open and jumped out, helping you load your suitcase into the back.

“The fuck man?” he asks.

“Didn’t set an alarm. My mistake.” you answer.

“Well, all the good seats are taken, so you’re in the back with me now.” he says, closing the back door.

You slide into the van, eyes searching for Y/N, and finding her next to Sam in the middle row. She doesn’t look at you, or even acknowledge your presence, but you deserve it. You can’t even imagine what she’s thinking. As you settle into your seat you close your eyes trying to process the events of the morning. How it felt waking up to see her face. How normal it felt to have her there. How everything quickly shattered as she realized how messed up you were. How it got even worse when she found Summer’s shirt.

You wished you could go back. You wished you never went to the bar last night. If you had just waited, this morning could have been completely different…

“Hey Jake?” you hear the sound of Summer’s voice echo through the van. You were so lost in your head you didn’t even notice she was up front. Your heart sinks as you wait to hear what she has to say.

You flick your eyes up to meet hers, raising your eyebrow.

“Thanks for letting me borrow this last night.” she says, pulling the folded shirt from her bag. You practically stop breathing as you watch her hand it to Y/N. “Can you pass this back there?” she asks her.

She hesitates as she grabs the shirt, turning back to you in what felt like slow motion.

Your eyes met hers, pleading with her as she spoke, “From Summer.”

Your arms don't even move to grab it as you stare at her. The thoughts in your brain are moving a mile a minute and you can't seem to catch even one.

Josh grabs the shirt for you, throwing it into your lap. “Thanks.” he says, as Y/N turns back around, leaning her head on the van window.

Could things get any fucking worse? Why the fuck did she have to do that? Why couldn’t she just give it to me later?

God. Y/N…Her face…she probably thinks we–

Fuck, I have to text her.

You quickly pull your phone from your pocket, bringing up her name, and opening the thread. Shock pulsing through your body as you look at the message you typed out last night, as it waited to be sent.

I never hit send. Oh she fucking hates me… I will never be able to explain this to her now.

You look up into the rearview mirror hoping to catch her eyes, but all you see is her staring blankly out of the window. You can tell she is in her head.

You 8:27am: It looks bad. I know it looks so bad. I can explain everything. All of it. Can we please talk when we get back?

You look back up watching her in the mirror as she glances down at her phone reading the message. You see the little crease in her eyebrows as she reads. The pain setting into her features. She sets her phone down and turns back to the window.

Fuck.

You: 8:28am: Please don’t shut me out again.

Your phone buzzes in your lap and you eagerly grab it hoping to see her name, but it's not her. It’s Josh.

Josh 8:29am: What the fuck did you do Jake?

You turned to look at him shaking your head as you replied.

You 8:30am: Made the biggest mistake of my life.

Josh 8:30am: Did you fuck her?

You 8:31am: Fuck no. Of course not. It just looks like it. Y/N wont answer me. I don’t know what to do.

Josh 8:32am: For once I don’t know what to tell you.

You 8:32am: Do you think I blew it?

You watch him type, before quickly deleting it. He locks his phone and places it on his knee, sending you a sympathetic look. You knew what he was going to say. You could practically hear it in your own head.

You reopen your thread with her, looking at your messages, marked as read. At least she is reading them. Taking a moment you collect your thoughts the best you can, giving it one last shot.

You 8:40am: I get it. I wouldn’t answer me either. But I want you to know that I fell asleep last night alone, thinking about you. Trying to text you back. I typed it over and over, but I couldn't get it right. I swear I’ve fallen asleep thinking about you every single night for the past 4 years, Y/N. Please, just give me a chance to explain.

You hit send delivering the message, and watching her in the rearview to see if she would read it. Lifting her head from the window you watch as her eyes look down, reading the message. You see her expression drop yet again, and her hand come up to her face trying to discreetly wipe away the tear slipping from her lash line. But you saw it. Even worse, you caused it.

You’re sure you felt your heart crack wide open at the sight. It was a pain you’d felt before. Similar to the day she left. A pain you swore you’d never let yourself feel again. But here you were, watching her in the rearview, begging for a chance to be hurt again. You’d rather be hurt by her, than not at all.

You could feel your own eyes welling with tears, and just as you were about to look away, her eyes met yours, bloodshot and full of tears. It was as if your world had momentarily stopped turning. You both sat there, eyes locked on each other, with not a word uttered between the two of you. Pure silence. The deafening kind.

You didn’t have to say anything. You both knew how this ended.

Chapter 11

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kywaslost · 11 months

Text

Ciel Helps You With Your Anxiety

A/N: I started writing this while I was on my cruise, and just now got around to finishing it. I hope this turned out alright. Ciel is most likely OOC, since that’s how it works with most of my writings. But I guess it’s helping me out because I’ve been anxious lately and I’m not even doing anything. Please let me know what you think! Oh, and this is a female reader btw.

Rain beat against the windows of Phantomhive Manor as the storm outside raged on. Lightning flashed every few moments, followed closely by rumbles of thunder. You didn’t usually mind thunderstorms, more often than not you found them peaceful and perfect for reading or winding down for the day. Except today it did nothing but make you feel even more on edge.

You weren’t sure why you were feeling so anxious today. You had been doing so well the past week or so, being able to get through the day with minimal anxiety and worry. You were so proud of yourself, and so was Ciel and Sebastian, especially. The two had seen you through your worst and your best, and knowing that you had been doing so well made them so happy for you. So when you woke up with that tight feeling in your chest, your mood deflated almost instantly.

“Is something the matter, Miss L/N?” Sebastian asked as he prepared your morning tea. He noticed your mood change almost instantly. You had only been awake for a few minutes, so he was hoping it was just you being tired.

You snapped out of your thoughts at Sebastian’s voice, shaking your head slightly before offering a half-smile. “No, not at all, Sebastian. Thank you.” After serving you breakfast in bed, Sebastian listed off the day’s events as he picked out an outfit for you.

“Your schedule is quite clear today, Miss. Master has asked that you look over and sign a few documents before dinner. That is all that I have for you today.”

You heard the demon, and knowing that you had an easy day calms your nerves ever so slightly. So you went about your day with an optimistic mindset. After breakfast and being dressed by Mey-Rin, you made your way to the library. You didn’t feel quite ready to be around others just yet, and you knew that Ciel would notice your anxiety so you decided to relax in the library with a good book.

Except that didn’t work. From the moment you sat down you felt like you were forgetting something, or that you could be more productive. So, replacing your bookmark and setting your book on the side table, you stood and made your way to the small storage closet in the library. You pulled out a small hand-held duster and began running it along the bookshelves.

It wasn’t more than five minutes before Sebastian stepped into the room, sneaking up on you and causing you to jump when he gently stopped your hand from dusting the shelves. You gasped, whipping around to see the demon butler.

He only smiled kindly. “My apologies, Miss L/N. I did not mean to startle you. May I ask why you are cleaning the library? You should not be tasked with such trivial things.”

You bit your bottom lip, quickly glancing to the floor. You scraped your thoughts with some excuse as to why you were doing Sebastian’s chore. “Sorry, Sebastian. I just thought I’d help. I don’t mind cleaning.”

Sebastian gently took the duster from you, setting it down on the nearest shelf. “I appreciate your help, but I believe I can manage on my own.”

You nodded, then turned to go back to your chair. Your chest tightened even more and you were overcome with the feeling of crying. You opened your book and stared at the pages as Sebastian began cleaning the library. After a few minutes your leg began bouncing beneath your book. You couldn’t help but feel like Sebastian was upset with you. All you were trying to do was keep yourself occupied to push down your anxious feelings. Was he upset that you tried to do his job? Did he think you thought he wasn’t doing his work to the best of his ability?

Deciding you had had enough, you stood and made your way to the exit.

“May I ask where you are going, Miss L/N?” Sebstian asked as he put the duster back in the storage closet.

You avoided his ruby eyes as you passed him. “I’m just going to see Ciel.” You quickly left the room and made your way to the Earl’s office.

Ciel was sitting at his desk, looking over a small stack of papers when you slid into the room, silently closing the door behind you. Ciel only looked up from his work when he saw you sit down across from him. He immediately took note of your slumped posture, lack of eye contact, and the slight jerk of your jeg as you anxiously bounced it up and down in front of you. But the boy refrained from saying anything about it. He knew you’d speak when you felt ready, and if just sitting with him in silence is what you needed, then he’d let you.

Ciel knew all of your anxious signals or movements. He knew that depending how you moved your body showed how much anxiety truly was controlling you. So when you began shaking your hands for minutes without stopping, the boy finally set down his pen and looked up from his paper. He stood and made his way to the front of the desk, leaning against it as he bent over slightly and gently took your hands in his to stop your shaking.

“Hey,” he said softly, uncharacteristically of the Earl. But he cared about you, so he was willing to risk his reputation to make sure you were alright. “Stop. You will hurt yourself.” He turned your hands so they were palm up, running his thumbs over the center of your palms. “Y/N, look at me please.”

You hesitated before lifting your gaze to Ciel’s blue eye. He didn’t look concerned, more sympathetic as he tried to read your facial expression to find the reason for your anxiety. You muttered a quiet, “I’m sorry,” before averting your gaze again.

“Whatever for?” Ciel asked. “What is on your mind, darling?”

You shrugged and took a deep sigh. “I woke up with this tight feeling in my chest, and…” you took another breath, “I don’t know how to make it go away.”

“And what did we say you do when you feel like this?” Ciel asked calmly.

“Stop, breathe, rationalize,” you answered back.

“So why don’t you do that?”

You followed the Earl’s instructions, taking a moment to inhale and exhale to calm you down. Then you started to rationalize. “I have no reason to feel anxious. My schedule is free. I’m in the manor. I feel safe. Sebastian is one call away. I’m in your study, and you’re right in front of me.”

“Good,” Ciel praised. “How do you feel now?” Your hands were still in his, and his thumbs still traced over the palms of your hands.

You nodded slightly, finally making eye contact with the boy again. “Still anxious, but manageable.”

“Can I let go of your hands now?” He answered with a nod. Ciel gently let go, then moved to sit back in his desk chair.

White light lit up the room for a fraction of a second before a loud boom echoed throughout the manor. It caused you to squeal and pull your legs up to your chest. You had forgotten about the storm raging outside. Ciel was quick to rush back to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Alright, it’s alright. You are alright, dear.” Tears brimmed your eyes as you whimpered and buried your face into your knees.

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered again. “I shouldn’t be scared. I shouldn’t cry. I have no-”

“Stop.” Ciel’s voice was stern. “It is understandable. The storm is only making it worse. Do not apologize for something that you cannot control.” He rubbed your shoulder gently as he looked around the room. Ciel let out an agitated sigh. “I apologize, but I cannot step away from my work.” You immediately reached up and gripped the hand that was on your shoulder. Ciel’s hand rotated to give yours a comforting squeeze. “I can call Sebastian to sit with you. Perhaps he could take you to the library? He can light the fireplace, and you can read, or lay down and Sebastian can read to you. I’ll order him to stay by your side, and I promise I will come find you the second I finish my work.”

You took in a shaky breath. “I just want to go back to my room, please.”

Ciel gave your hand another gentle squeeze. “Of course, love. I’m going to raise my voice briefly to call for Sebastian, alright?” At your nod, Ciel quickly yelled out the demon’s name, and the supernatural being appeared in the doorway in a matter of seconds.

“Yes, my lord?” Sebastian asked immediately.

Ciel looked from your trembling form over to his butler. “Take Y/N to her room, and stay with her until I finish my work. Provider her with any comfort she needs. That’s an order.”

Sebastian bowed slightly. “Yes, my lord.” He walked over to you and knelt down in front of you. “May I pick you up Miss Y/N?” You nodded shakily and slowly let go of Ciel’s hand, reaching your arms out to the demon. He let you wrap your arms around his neck before gently picking you up and cradling you against him. Turning to his master, Sebastian said, “I will take proper care of her. There is no need to worry.”

#comfort #x reader #platonic #ciel fantomhive comfort #ciel fantomhive fluff #ciel fantomhive #ciel phantomhive #ciel phantomhive x reader comfort #black butler comfort #black butler fluff #black butler x reader #black butler fanfiction #black butler #anxiety comfort

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