#they deserve better than me making them feel like their love and support doesnt mean as much as they want to.

[lemmetreatya]

laundromat technician!levi whos so confused on the complaints about the individual who’s using the laundromat ‘incorrectly’.

because laundromat technician!levi doesn’t think he sees anyone using it wrong. yes, you have the usual boisterous kids who run around their mother’s legs and the occasional young adults who make their ‘unique’ indie music videos and who he looks on at with a rugged glare, but laundromat technician!levi doesnt think theyre doing anything wrong.

thats until laundromat technician!levi decides to do one of his maintenance checks on a lazy sunday afternoon — the kind which he usually does at nights — but today he’s had a change of mind for. which he comes to slightly regret because even though it’s just you in the establishment, you fill the atmosphere and dont make it easy for him to do his job.

like okay, you obnoxiously smack your strawberry bubblegum and laugh loudly at the videos you watch on your phone — but you’re in a laundromat for goodness sake! those things dont really matter.

but it’s when laundromat technician!levi catches you sitting atop the edge of the washing machine, a look of pure giddy bliss melting on your face, that he feels an unholy wrath consume his inner man.

“you dirty fucking bitch.” laundromat technician!levi throws his oiled rag to the ground before rounding the corner to stand in front of you. and you’re so outlandish, so unbothered by his presence because when he’s in front of you, you only lopsidedly smile down at him. so secure in the knowledge that you know he can’t move or touch you

“oops!” you wispily say before letting out a sweet moan, and laundromat technician!levi doesn’t know why he’s not ignoring you or at least removing himself from the scene because he even has a reddish embarrassment tint over his face. this situation is clearly uncomfortable for him. but alas, laundromat technician!levi instead decides to entertain you.

“surely that isnt doing anything for you. like for crying out loud, at least use better means as opposed to rusty laundromat machines.”

you give a provoking hum, your hands positioned between your spread open legs as you use them to support your rut against the hyper machine — no concern for laundromat technician!levi‘s head being directly in front of the show.

“what, you think you can provide anything better?”

laundromat technician!levi narrows his eyes at you.

“are you testing me?”

“no, i’m daring you.”

its not like you would have known any better, but you were not in the know about how laundromat technician!levi loved a challenge, and lived for any grab at one.

easily, laundromat technician!levi has you in a mating press along the plaque of the bench, his face viciously jeering over you as you cry and whine under the scrutiny of his welling cock.

and laundromat technician!levi jogs your body with his dick better than any other washing machine could. he pistons into you so fervently that your cries are sobby — your mouth opened so wide that you accidentally swallow and choke on your gum!

“yeah, yeah that’s what you fucking deserve!”

and this might prove him a bit mad, but laundromat technician!levi quickly bends forwards to capture your sopping cough ups into his own mouth. he was suddenly uncaring of the torment you briefly go through, his cock not backing down from delivering its judgments to your inner walls. but when you finally cough up the gum you were choking on, laundromat technician!levi is in the right position to catch it in his own mouth — no intention of spitting it out.

and to think he had the audacity to call you the dirty bitch.

soon after he’s done with you, laundromat technician!levi ends up banning you from the laundromat. he doesn’t even let you dry your clothes, he just makes sure you’re out with your stuff before anyone happens to walk in.

but even though he’s made that so very serious decree, laundromat technician!levi doubts you’ll be gone long. he’s not sure how he knows, but he’s pretty sure you’ll be back with the excuse of retrieving your pack of sweet strawberry bubblegum.

#levi ackerman #levi x reader #captain levi #levi x you #levi x y/n #shingeki no kyojin #levi smut #levi x black reader #shingeki no kyoujin #attack on titan #aot x black reader #aot x black reader smut #aot x reader smut #attack on titan smut

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Sorry pls ignore my last ask BPP. Your point about Seven being the 'Dynamite' equivalent in solo era is a good one and explains the treatment it got. After the BB article I also now understand why BH dropped LC. If BB believed the LC record was 'tainted' with Chinese cash and BH never had that 'Dynamite' promotion plan for it, everything that's happened makes sense. But it still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. I can't wash it out. Are we now at the mercy of BB's whims? Also don't you find the support for Seven excessive? Is the elimination of direct to consumer sales enough to explain that kind of support to keep it number 1? I'm just trying to understand how the company is thinking about things without victimizing the members. They all seem to be still working with purpose so I feel they don't feel shortchanged, but from the outside looking inside it doesn't feel fair.

*

Ask 2:

Hi BPP,

Re: bb article

1. Do you think there will be additional changes coming, making sales even less relevant for bb charts?

2. I absolutely hate that it is again Jimin that takes the brunt of all this bulshit, I really do. He doesnt deserve this at all. But he is strong, he will be OK. That being said, its making me really upset IRL, so I will have to do some me time.

3. I would be interested to know your outlook on BB as a whole when it comes to BTS and their future in US market (if you have talked about this pls refer me to the post)

My opinion is, that while BB is paramount when it comes to big awards season, eventually BB and the awards themselves serve as a kind of promotion, to validate the artist to their (potential) fanbase, keep them invested etc. BTS guys do all of that on their own, with their music, personalities and lyrics. So going forward, if they dont chart as much, dont win as much... It will not matter in the long run. Their fan base is so solid that I trully believe they will have no problem selling multiple stadium stops 25 years from now. Easily.

There will be a significant fandom fall off, when all the people who are here for bragging rights lose their interest. And that is a good thing... But the people who will stay, who love the guys for who they are and for their art, those whose love does not depend on how many grammy noms or BB H100 they recieve... These people will stay and buy the tickets. And their numbers will still be enourmous. Enviable. More than the majority of the western industry plants can only dream of.

Rant over. Have a good weekend

*

Ask 3:

The latest Billboard discussion is disheartening, but the NYT article description of U.S. conservatives aping the tactics of Swifties and BTS fans to get their nefarious messaging across is even more so. Have we opened the gate for the Trumpsters of the world?

I was struck by this partvof the original question to you"

'... figure out a way to truly determine which songs are most popular (whatever that even means anymore)....'

So, how can we ever know what is truly popular? Are fervent fans willing to devote time and resources to get their fave to the top really the best arbiters? Even if they number in the millions, we are still looking at support that is far deeper than it is wide.

I mean, better than the suits deciding, I guess? Or is it just another group--this one outside of the target country--imposing their agenda on the population? One has the goal of making money; the other of winning a fan war.

So, how do we ascertain what is truly popular with the much-vaunted GP? Or doesn't it matter?

***

I've said many times on this blog that I'm not a writer, and that English isn't my first language, so I suppose it's unsurprising that despite my efforts putting my thoughts to paper/Tumblr, I'm still unable to fully communicate it in a way people understand right away, to eliminate/answer a lot of questions that I believe should be clear to infer from what I've written before. So rather than write a massive post like before where my key points could get lost, I'll pick out key questions from your asks and give fairly brief answers to each one. I'll work my way from the top, down.

Hi Anon(s),

Select answers below:

"Also don't you find the support for Seven excessive? Is the elimination of direct to consumer sales enough to explain that kind of support to keep it number 1?"

I think the results speak for itself. Dynamite and the PET got what is easily the biggest support any BTS release had gotten to date at the time - all of it tailored to mirror how American labels promoted their tracks, *and* the fandom had D2C sales buttressing it as the primary support mechanism. Like, please read that sentence again and think about what it means. Sales are the easiest and most transparent way for the fandom to influence charts, and so was always preferred for ARMY. Even if you weren't in the fandom then, understand it's impossible to overstate how much D2C sales mattered. With that now out of the question, everything we're seeing for Seven for me feels like a given, especially after the Billboard article.

"Do you think there will be additional changes coming, making sales even less relevant for bb charts?"

Yes. But not 'less relevant' in a sense, more like differentiated and treated as its own thing, perhaps in a separate chart.

"I would be interested to know your outlook on BB as a whole when it comes to BTS and their future in US market (if you have talked about this pls refer me to the post)"

This probably requires its own post but the long-short of it is: just like Ticketmaster, Billboard is only one arm of one of the largest private monopolies in the US entertainment market - PMC, and as such they serve as gatekeepers of sorts. Their interest in BTS (and k-pop by extension) lies primarily in how they can profit off the group/fandom, which so far BigHit and ARMY have created very limited avenues for. BigHit's strategy until now has been to expand BTS's reach without relying on the PMC apparatus, using it only for select releases that are explicitly tailored for it e.g. Seven and PET. While I don't think this strategy will change dramatically, every change from BB is to force more compliance with their apparatus. BTS will continue facing handicaps from PMC so long as BigHit continues limiting how PMC can profit from BTS for each release. (This sentence makes sense in my head but if it's not clear, please let me know.)

*

"Have we opened the gate for the Trumpsters of the world?"

Well, yeah. But ARMYs can't take all the credit. After all, ARMYs are only doing what the Bey Hive and Swifties have been doing for almost a decade with none of the scrutiny. BTS, more than any other group, actually has the absolute numbers in demand and grassroots support to justify it as they're comparable to the afore-mentioned artists, proven by their concert showings not just in the US but worldwide, as far back as 2018. People only started paying attention to ARMYs' movements because BTS didn't look like the sorts of people they expected to see at the top of the charts. Everybody took notice, including a political faction in the US that in recent years has moved more aggressively into the entertainment sphere to influence culture, such as Ben Shapiro's entertainment empire, movies like Sound of Freedom topping box office charts, and conservative country singers pushing Reagan-esque talking points to the top of music charts. So it's basically the result of timing and opportunity.

"So, how can we ever know what is truly popular? Are fervent fans willing to devote time and resources to get their fave to the top really the best arbiters? ... how do we ascertain what is truly popular with the much-vaunted GP?"

I've talked about this before I think. You can find my views on it in my Masterlist, and I've linked the post here.

*

People sent in more asks on BB but I've since lost interest in this topic and will post my responses when I feel like it, much later, using the same format I've used to answer the asks above. The truth is that while I understand why many people feel like everything that's happened so far with Seven and Jimin is unfair, I think a lot of the discourse is awfully reductive, actually does a disservice to Jimin and BTS, and that there's a much bigger picture here that's more consistent with how BTS has operated for the last 10 years.

This is probably not the best analogy, but one way I think of BTS is like a Swiss army knife, with each member being a separate tool. And that at different points, in various markets, BigHit and BTS are testing various approaches to expand their reach while aiming to maintain the market share they've gotten so far. The group has always had projects they release that have more artistic merit and cache, versus projects made by all appearances to be purely for commercial purposes to expand the reach of the group. For example, consider how BigHit promoted Butter/Permission to Dance, compared to the BE album, or how Seven was created and promoted relative to Indigo. To go back in even further in previous years, I remember how BTS appeared to center Jimin in Blood, Sweat & Tears era to build out his and their presence in Korea, and Taehyung in DNA era where his and BTS's presence in China ballooned in 2017.

While in the solo era some people feel like every accomplishment remains solely with individual members, I feel everything serves only one purpose: to further establish the group. Because by BTS's own words, they all have their individual ambitions, they've always had that and each member is aggressively competitive on that note, but they've each all said that their priority remains the group. Not everybody likes that, not everybody believes them when they say it, but the good thing with BTS is that they plan in multi-year stints and time always reveals what the facts of the matter are. We're only one year into Chapter 2, and while certain parts of the fandom are treating their solo debut albums as the be all and end all, I don't think there's anything to suggest this perspective lines up with the reality of how BTS has behaved for the last 10 years. I could be wrong, but either way we're just going to have to wait and see. In the meantime, I believe there's significant artistic merit in what the guys are putting out in Chapter 2, that I hope isn't lost in the noise. The fandom should do a better job of bringing the attention back to this, rather than a tunnel-vision on performance metrics that only tell half of the story.

#bts #bts chapter 2 #bang pd #jimin #jungkook #jikook #namjoon #yoongi #hoseok #seokjin #taehyung #billboard #kpop #kpop industry #music industry #fandom behaviour

[shivstar]

My take on Jegulus as someone who has been there and done that ( As a Sirius Black supporter)

Warning for the lovers of the ship to stay away because I don't have particularly positive opinion.....

So most stories make it seem as such a big forbidden love story. As these two as the idol lion and snake falling in love during times of war. And to make it seem more Romio juliet type, Sirius is shown as the guy who opposes him the most.

Now truthfully we don't know the exact state in which the black boys were brought up so everything is conjecture but we are sure that there was atleast emotional abuse to make a 16 year old to take such drastic actions.

And okay i can sympathise towards the teen Regulus that he didn't know any better or thought himself to be right. But in some way he was part of the family who made Sirius feel that leaving is a better option.

We know from canon that this man didn't let 12 years with Dementors completely break him. He had a strength to him even after being so so wronged by the side he was fighting for that the likes of Remus spineless lupin can never match.

So how can anyone believe even for a second that had Sirius had even a tiniest belief that Regulus could be helped he wouldn't have stayed. To drive the point home i would clear it that I neither believe that either black boy was pressured into joining Voldemort by their parents nor were they physically tortured at the hands of their own parents. This is my head canon. So he would have stayed had regulus been anything but the snobby pampered and secure kid. Similar to Draco Malfoy.

And i know there is no comparison but imagine that Harry was not physically abused at the hands of Dursleys. Just the typical emotional and psychological abuse. Now imagine a senorio in which either Ron Or Hermione went and fell in love with Dudley. .... Yeah that is the crude version of jegulus to it's core.

Because the only difference these two will be that Dudley was 1) Harrys cousin and not his brother 2) Dudley doesnt fall into beauty standard of the fandom 3) Dudley was not a wizard.

Because just like Regulus, Dudley too has a redemption ark in the books. He understood things to a certain extent, not fully mind you, which is very similar to Regulus.

Jegulus can be palatable if the ark is somewhat of black brother reconciliation first and then James and regulus becoming acquaintance then friends and then something more because anything else is really a betrayal to the highest trust and devotion Sirius has given to James.

Now most stories i have read in my stupid phase where i could stomach that thing was James going behind Sirius' back. Seeking Regulus out when he feels defeated for yet again being rejected by Lily Evans and finding solace in the arms of this guy while Sirius and Remus are having background drama because of the shack incident and thier own *blech* sexual tension.

I cannot express how much wolfstar i had to suffer just for reading Jegulus. I mean i hate Wolfstar with a passion. I cannot stand it but i did because I was going through this phase of jegulus. Obviously Sirius Black deserves better than Lupin.

All in all writers there are so great that they make you really hate Sirius for being against this relationship. Either he is the villian Or he is the road bump in their great love saga.

I mean i don't know where this thought came from making Sirius the problem behind everything in marauders era fictions. Yes he was a troubled kid, but aren't we all. Don't tell me that you had all your shits together by 21 years of age.

Jegulus for me is like a movie I have seen as a kid about fairies and princesses thta at the time I enjoyed the most as a child but now I find them ridiculous and laugh at my own younger self for ever finding fun in it.

But I guess that is what it means to grow up.

Alos as an end note Peter pettigrew is nothing but a tiny non existent character there. Even in alternative universe. So we know that that section of the fandom will remove anyone who hasn't got looks to support. I mean yes we all hate him, he did the worst thing but his importance is so so much more to Harry Potter than Remus Lupin's.

I mean James birthed him, Sirius is his support and family and motivation. Peter is the reason behind harrys eternal suffering but even if you remove Remus Lupin fron the story nothing significant will change.

If we remove James there will be no Harry. If we remove Sirius there will be 2 less books atleast. If we remove Peter then Harry would never reach his prophesied destiny. The only role Lupin plays is making sure Peter becomes an animagus along with the other two. But with how much Sirius and James were valedictorian level kids, they might have done it without the need to help their wolfy friend.

If anyone deserve this treatment it is obviously Remus Lupin because he has so less impact on people's life that it won't matter if he is just deleted.

#J*gulus #anti jegulus #remus lupin critical #jegulus critical #regulus black #sirius black #james potter #peter pettigrew

[fourtyfourcatss]

୨⎯ "for @justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms " ⎯୧

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯ PAUL VERLAINE !

❆ i am not sure whether or not you have read the novels, but i think paul verlaine is the perfect bsd matchup for you in many ways, the way your traits and values mash with one another, the lessons you could learn from one another, etc. in all honesty, i do not enjoy mbtis, but from how you have describe yourself, i can tell you are someone who can benefit from his practicality and logic, since it is so ingrained within his being to an almost inspiring level. the two of you can balance each other out greatly!

❆ now here’s the thing: he might actually be a little bit of a turn off for you at first. not only is he an assassin, he’s a deeply troubled individual who takes to his trusted people as support, heavily leaning on them emotionally (but subtly). i see the two of you meeting in some sort of garden, perhaps near your university, that he stumbled upon by accident. your friends perhaps, invited you out and ended up getting drinks, and you needed some time to yourself. cue the man himself entering. the atmosphere is languid and comfortable, enough that it cites him to make a remark, and you to follow along. many of these meetings occur, and develop. he’s a gentleman too, so count on him on treating you right!

❆ as for your hobbies, he would love to be able to talk with you about what you have read or read your writing! you can trust him for his honest opinion!

❆ he deeply appreciates your consideration for others, and i think he’s just the tad bit scared of what you’d think about him, since he has such a past and such a mindset. the guy doesnt even think of himself as a human being and started spiraling after that incident, and he finds it refreshing having you as a listener. i think you’ll make him start actually feeling better about himself and aid him in starting to curb those horrid thoughts he has had. he would most definitely get to know you at your most vulnerable and still embrace everything you have shown him. someone like him has a deeper appreciation and perspective to flaws, and he can really make you feel more secure about them. you do say you have high self worth though, but he is a very worried individual! but he gets it with time, and finds your jokes funny. he would most definitely admire your diligence and discipline, and being an observant person, would see the small signs of your overworking and stop you. not only that, you seem like a very indulgent person, so he’ll definitely be taking advantage of this to get a bit spoiled by you in some way (and then feeling a bit guilty afterwards).

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯ ARTEM WING !

❆ a man who’s honest… caring, treats you like you deserve from the beginning… thats artem right there 💯

❆ the two of you are super cute together! artem is very awkward with his feelings, and you being an introvert means that he usually approaches you first, and then you attempt to make conversation with him too, and then he just freezes up. i think he’s the type to be very deeply in adoration of all your features and characteristics, especially your upright morals and values! but, he really doesn’t like how others sometimes would step out of boundaries and make you uncomfortable. he’s gonna be a bit protective of you, but nothing that’s very extreme or bad! and your organization is a boon for him, since being with someone who’s clumsy like himself would make it more burdensome than anything.

❆ absolutely indulges with you in your hobbies, even if he isnt a big fan of video games, but he still plays them if it is multiplayer! he probably practices in secret in order to get better but you didnt hear this from me. artem definitely is interested in the anime and other films you may watch, and will get very excited when you watch the war and art films he likes!

❆ i think he’d really like cuddling up with you! many date nights are half torn between casual like going to your place or his, or very fancy dinners. let this man spoil you‼️

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯ LING YAO !

❆ finally… the resident funnyman is here! (most fma characters are pretty funny though but you get what i mean!) he will your days filled with laughter and happiness! i think he’d take a lot of inspiration and motivation from how you are as a person— especially your ambition! you are someone he can always rest with in times of turmoil and trust their words. the palace is filled with those of unorthodox and vile characters, and your judgement and advice is something he is counting on! your values align superbly with his too!

❆ you definitely attracted him with your pokerface and your sense of humor! not only that, placing him in modern times, he would enjoy all of your hobbies; even writing with you! if we go by actual historical accuracy like how arakawa intended, chinese gentlemen, especially of someone of ling’s standing, is expected to be able to write poems, play instruments, in short terms. he’s definitely able to play music for you to set some background music for your writings, and he’ll definitely be curious about your writings! he definitely gives some very good insight onto your works

❆ well read, harmonious, organized, can take care of yourself and others, having filial piety….this is good makings for an empress, no? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he’s definitely roping you back to his country after you’ve finished all your businesses here. maybe your family members too. lavish gifts and a heavy dowry will be given! you seem like the type to not be easily impressed, and he will spend days thinking of ways to impress and have your favor on his side! this is the most wholesome matchup here, you two would be so cute together :D

[a/n] enjoy my cooking!! i hope my assumptions about you based on your ask were all correct, and that you like your matchups! if you want, i can definitely state out runner ups. for bsd, i also considered ranpo for you. for tears of themis, it was marius, and for fma, i actually didnt have anyone else. hope you enjoyed!!

#bsd matchup #bsd #bungou stray dogs #paul verlaine #artem wing #tears of themis matchup #tears of themis #fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist matchup #fullmetal alchimist brotherhood #ling yao

[somedayslater]

Chapter 408 - random thoughts

Ah my i almost never go here, but those last chapters are really merciless ! I just want to write random thoughts, especially after reading @5x-ra​ own analysis (thanks for your post @5x-ra​, really interesting) !!

1. I dont understand why people are saying She Li is a coward for running. He’s not just running away -because if he was, he would have disappeared and would not have waited for He Tian to try and ambush him. He’s just not an idiot ; what’s the point for him to stay around and get his face smashed ? The difference in level in fighting is clear, he doesnt stand a chance against HT. HT was born and trained as a fighter ; isnt HT the one who is cheating, choosing a way to resolve the conflict with his fists, knowing he can only win X) ?

She Li’s shtick is manipulating people, getting under their skin, planning in advance. It was never brute force, and we rarely see him fighting -he uses other people for that. It’s not bad per se, it just means he’s intelligent ; too bad he uses it for nefarious purposes lol. If he was a nice character, I’m sure people would find it clever for him to run away from the fight scene, find a weapon, and ambush HT. But yeah because his role is to be the antagonist and because his main goal is just to make other people miserable, it’s hard to be impressed by this, instead most of the readers wants to see his face smashed and for him to rip the consequences of his actions lol.

2. I think in the scene where Mo smashes his face from behind, SL is livid, not necessarily afraid ! But yeah, the interpretation of him being afraid is also strongly supported by the manwha. But I think She Li must be thinking, “how dare you do that to me ? how dare you oppose me, now of all time ?” Especially, because Mo do the same thing to SL that SL did to the old man who tried to kill Mo. It’s an ironic twist of the same situation.I’m not sure about SL feelings towards Mo, maybe he he loves in his own twisted way, in a really “i own him” way -he even said almost this sentence a few times. So, for She Li, Mo attacking him is like your own dog biting you after you hit him. SL think he has a right to mistreat Mo : he owns Mo, it’s his possession, and so if he beats him to teach him his place, it’s just rough love kind of. But for Mo to react back, it’s a betrayal. And that’s why SL doesnt hesitate : he tries to actually kill Mo, like @5x-ra​ said piercing him in the head ??? wtf. Like an owner hitting his dog too many times, killing it in a fit of rage, because his dog dared to bite back, SL honestly think Mo deserves to die for opposing him. man...

3. Honestly, isnt this story a story about how adults fail the children again and again lol ? There’s no adults around, except HC and Qiu who are like “ok do what you want, just no killing”. I know it’s because the manhwa is destined for a young audience (? maybe), and a young audience identify themselves with the protagonists and so doesnt want annoying parents taking care of them. Even tho, like what the hell haha

4. Altho i do love the last few chapters, am I the only one who is getting kind of annoyed by this “damsel in distress” version of Guan Shan ? We fell in love with MGS because he was a nasty, feisty, dirty ball of fluff. It was the contradictions that was enchanting : he try to fight innocent jyan yi WITH HIS GROUP just because, he throws a rock at ZZX head, he insults everyone and refuse to socialise, he’s mean to the girls who just say hello to him. He insults HT non-stop, often times it’s fair (HT was really cynical at the time), sometimes it’s hypocrite : why cry because HT is mean to him when literally he ambushed JY over nothing ? He’s proud and think he’s better than others because he’s not a hypocrite, but then he have nothing to show off either. And then at the same time he’s oddly loyal, righteous, and honest. It was what attracted HT. And the appeal to their relationship was this pull and push. Mo was as strong as HT in this psychological game.

But since a few chapters, Mo stopped pushing so much. And it’s nice ! It means there’s actually a relationship being constructed between HT and Mo. But then it became really unbalanced. Because HT continues to pull, and Mo just do... nothing. He’s blushing and not looking in the eyes. He does this bc HT wants to, he does that because HT says so... ok he makes a (weak) scene, and thats all. He’s like loosing his character ? He’s becoming more and more passive, he’s a character where things are being done to him and not a character who is doing things.

And it makes me afraid ! because the same thing happened to ZZX and JY. Remember : we all liked zhanyi because because it was two strong characters, with different feelings, desires, behaviours, etc. JY was always the most active one in the relationship, but ZZx had a personality : remember the confession scene ? the kidnapping scene ? You could really feel who ZZX was. And then, once he began to reciprocate JY’s feelings, his character... disappeared.

Like honestly i dont mean to offend, but ZZX right now ? He’s a street lamp. A sexy, stylish streetlamp, but a streetlamp. He could disappear from the story, you could replace by a photography for JY to droll over, it would be the same. And it makes me sad ! But that’s the reason i’m totally disengaged from zhanyi now. Zhanyi is : Jyan Yi does something ->ZZX is.... here I guess. Once again, a character where things are done to him. He’s just kind of hanging out, and we know JY care about him because JY says he cares about him, but there’s nothing to show for it. It’s been years I think, where all ZZX is doing is sighing, patting JY shoulders, oh and last chapter he ran in the hospital. Where he still is probably.

And I’m so afraid the same thing is going to happen to Mo :0 !! Like, now he mellows and kind of reciprocate HT’s feelings, so he’s just becoming someone who stand by, cry, and run. The main character is HT, and Mo is here to look at him. He’s loosing his personality !! I dont want him to disappear. I dont want Old Xian to do the active one who initiates all the actions x the passive one who says “ahh” “ooh” when the active one do something. Please OX dont do that T_T

Hoping the trend will change soon... even if Mo doesnt want to fight anymore, or scream anymore, he doesnt have to become boring. It’s a strong fit to socialize with others when all your life you have been shunned, to learn to trust and love again, there’s a way of depicting it where Mo keeps his strong, fierce personality, without it meaning he’s automatically reverting back to fighting and insulting.

PHEW here it is, my two cents.

#19 days #mo guan shan #he tian #tianshan #zhanyi #analysis #19 days analysis

[juzorei]

Okay, this scene was too much for me. I mean the acting they did here. Please, they are so good. How can they even do this? I mean, it's out of this world. It's worth talking about each and every second. Pai was breaking down and asking Sky to cry it all out—to not hold back and just let out all the things he had to suffer through.

And Sky said nothing would get better if he cried. I mean, look how broken he is. Things keep happening to him. His heart was broken too badly. To say something like that with a smile, he can't even cry now. That really broke me. Peat's acting was on point. Damn. The lifeless look on his face hurt me like hell.

And the best part is where Pai is saying that

"If you can't cry, I'll cry for you."

"If you suffer, I will suffer with you." 

"If you are in pain, I will be in pain too."

Do we need another proof to know that Pai loves his Sky too much? Like he is his whole world now. Him promising Sky that he wont let him go through this again and wont give him to anyone else, a that point Sky was sure he chose the right person. Pai is his right one. And he broke down into tears hugging the person he loves. He finally let it all out. That hurts!!😭❤

Next scene was even more good!😭 I mean we can all agree that this scene was the best one of this episode. They were all open for each other. Both saw there vulnerable sides. And understand each other and love each other even more if that's possible.

Sky decided to open up to Pai about what had happened to him. Pai was listening to him with the utmost concentration. When the sky said he was like a damaged good... I felt it. 🙂 Even when its not our fault that everything happened we will still feel disgusted by ourselves. We will feel like we are damaged, both internally and externally.

Pai's eye teared up when he heard that. The tears fell of his eyes listening to Sky. And when Sky called P'Pai... his voice trembled. Damn! When he said "Hmm" his voice trembled. It was not something I could handle. I did cry a lot. 😭 Sky asking if he can really love Pai.... 😭 That baby need to be protected at any cost!! He doesnt deserve anything happened to him!😭

Pai broke every standards of men by saying

"I wont make a promise"

"I wont make a vow"

"But I'll show you with my actions"

YES!! HE IS THE MAN!! There is nothing more beautiful than this! Sky doesn't need anything more. This is enough to trust Pai with his life. He will make his Sky the happiest person alive making everyone jealous. I mean Pai please we already are jealous😭🤌 Respect us singles please🥲

And finally our Sky is free from his long suffering and nightmares. Now he got someone to love to his heart.

His P'Pai😭❤

"The Wind will always embrace the Sky"😭❤

Fort and Peat really did their best and succeeded in portraying the characters Pai and Sky. An actor is accepted when the character they play makes an impact on the viewers. I can say again and again that Fort and Peat did it! They took our hearts. I am really proud of them and wish them luck with their future projects. Let's support them no matter what! ❤😭🥺

 LOVE IN THE AIR THE SERIES❤

(PART 2)

#love in the air #prapai love in the air #prapai x sky #sky love in the air #thai boys love #prapai lita #sky lita #lita ep13 #fortpeat #fort thitipong #peat wasuthorn

[hajimesbestdefender]

i saw this essay while i was trying to find kmhn and i have so many thoughts..

if you want to read my thoughts i recommend reading them as you read the sections because thats how i wrote it

okay i'll go chapter by chapter (there are 5 chapters)

chapter 1: faqs

faq #1: the blatant homophobia towards the women youre trying to "protect" in this is very ironic to me. your point here is just plainly incorrect. how on earth does wlw ships further the ideology that women only want men for sex? and what is with the shaming women for not being virgins? there is nothing inherently wrong with having sex, having a sexual past, or anything of the sort. you sexualized these women. miu & sonia have done nothing wrong, and deserve the equal opportunity to be in a relationship and be loved.

faq #2: it *is* simply a matter of preference. there is nothing wrong w preferring makoto/byakuya, hajime/nagito, or kokichi/suichi. yes, those characters (kyoko, chiaki, and kaede) were written to be the protagonists respective love intrest. however, when has a fandom *not* shipped a character with someone who wasnt their love intrest? i can give several examples. it is not down to gender. people can see themselves represented through these relationships, they can hold the belief that those ships work better for the characters, or they can plain like the dynamic better. it does not matter.

faq #3: ...what? that makes no sense. the whole question doesnt make sense. im just not gunna adress it, but it is there.

faq #4: those crushes could be arguable. however, there was a slight hesitation from nagito when he said it, leading many people to believe that. i dont know enough about v3 to speak on that other part.

chapter 2: nagami

once again, it comes down to preference. you cannot controls someones preference. if they like naegami? fine! if they like naegiri? fine! it does not *matter*. at the end of the day, these two ships are perfectly resonable, and do no harm. therefore, both should equally be resepcted. the reason why naegami has more fics on ao3 because people prefer it more. simple as that.

also, this exact senario has happened before in another fandom. in the hp fandom, hinny (harry/ginny, his current wife) is less popular than drarry (draco/harry, his rival). and yk what? they have damn near the same dynamic as naegami. the simple thing is: people prefer the dynamic more. it is not misogynistic to prefer a dynamic. (i could go into a whole ass tangent on how similiar draco and byakuya are, but i digress)

chapter 3: komahina

i could ramble day in and day out abt this ship, but i dont feel like retyping all of it so ima just ss my original ramble to my friends in discord.

(apologies for going off track for a little, PLS IGNORE THE PFP 😭)

moving on, you mentioned nagito lied about having cancer. he didnt. he said he had stage 4 malignant lymphoma and front mental dementia. both of which were never implied to be lies.

"chiaki died for him and the rest of the class"

oh, do you mean in the real world, where she was brutality murdered so class 77 could become brainwashed, and how hajime was already too far gone at that point? or do you mean in the simulation, where they had zero chance of getting out without leaving chiaki behind because she was ai and apart of the system? or the time she had to be executed to save the rest of the group? thats not an act of romance, it was quite literally life or death. in 2 of those situations, it makes no logical sense for chiaki to live and have the rest of the group die. shes a team player, through and through.

chapter 4: saiouma

chapter 5: stats

it comes down to prefrence. there is no misogyny here. it is just people preferring one ship over the other. nothing more, nothing less. this is getting embarrassing atp.

also, as someone pointed out in the comments: kokichi & suichi just have a lot more screen time tg. kokichi made it to chapter 5 & kaede made it to chapter 1 so theres more content to work off.

chiriho: ...you missed their entire story arc!! not suprising you dont actually pay attention to stuff. ALSO!! the transmisogny!! and, to top it all off: youre a terf. whos fucking suprised. chiriho hid under the cover as a woman because they were afraid. thats it. they wanted to become stronger and braver. thats their arc. you red far too into it to come to the conclusions you came to. (using they/them on chiriho bcs i felt like it)

sonia: youre promoting purity culture. women do not need so save their virginity for anyone. nor does anyone. virginity is something given up when that person is ready. sonia was ready. so she gave it up. shouldnt that be a symbol of women empowerment? (note: i hate the concept of virginity as a whole, literally just have sex nobody gives a fuck.)

miu: "she doesnt deserve to be called a woman because of how preverted she acts." you wrote this whole essay as a callout for what you precieve as misogyny. however, throughout the entire damn thing you promoted misogynistic take after take. you basically just said in fujisaki's section that women shouldnt be pushed into a box, and yet,,, youre here telling women they cant be sexual beings? that they have to be pure, clean, and submit to men? miu didnt do anything wrong. she expressed herself in the way she saw fit, and YOURE mad that the way she did so didnt fit your standards? get the fuck out of here, weirdo.

final thoughts:

op has been continuously misogynistic, homophobic, and transphobic throughout this entire read. it is disgusting. now, this can be a blatant troll, but at the same time this is still perpetuating a very disgusting view on women and what they should be. as an afab, i'm disgusted. this is appaling. you disregard so many women writing this. queer women, women who didnt save themselves for marriage (because god forbid women do what they want to do.), or any woman that doesnt fit in your little box. you say youre against misogyny, but this is the most apparent example ive ever seen of a woman with internalized misogyny. if youre being serious? i truly hope you recieve the help you need, and do some interal work trying to combat this. writing 2,643 words worth of fictional parings you dont like when you can simply ignore it and walk outside is just sad. if youre a troll? fuck you.

(also, before you question that "writing 2,643..." line, i wouldve left it alone, but i happened to see it whilst on a 2 hour car ride to thanksgiving and i was bored as shit. sue me.)

EDIT: i came back to this because kendrick dropped euphoria and the hating he did in that song reminded me of my greatest hating moment: this post

#yeah idk how the fuck to tag this #hajime hinata #chiaki nanami #nagito komaeda #makoto naegi #byakuya togami #kyoko kirigiri #shuichi saihara #kaede akamatsu #kokichi ouma

[leninova1997]

Really random headcanon stuff about Doom3guy from my novel (series) 'cause why not

Obviously, he is not and never will be my own character. Yet doesnt mean i cannot work on him and extend his personal depth in the name of creation.

- He is easily fitting into the “silent but deadly” type. Not a huge fan of wasting his time on small talk or somehow have them change their minds: he either takes his chances in action or nothing else (well, for the most part that is)

- From the outside, he can be seem like a cold, distant, unfriendly individual who has no feelings and only has interest in his own things. While in reality, he is just a person who is extremely picking when it comes to trust and reliability (mostly taken from his own experiences). He wont spare anything on those who dont deserve it. His introverted side doesnt “help” the situation either (he doesnt really care since this kind of operating has proven to be more useful in the long run, even with all the disadvantages intact). In fact, he may not be the most easily approachable person, however he has a truly loving heart that has all the place to those who he really cares about. You could even say he has a totally changed personality when they are around: he is talkative, friendly, very supportive, encouraging and smiles a lot. Its a rare sighing yet stunning to see and experience. 

- He is the type of guy who would stay behind and fight to his last drop of blood just to make sure, anyone who is involved gets to have the change to be saved. He puts everybody in the first place, then himself on the second. It is not rooted in ego rather in his fundamental beliefs: he is the leader, he is the man, he is the father - he has to step up, has to be the strongest line of defence and at the same time be ready for the possibility to give the best of his best or even his life for others. And he is never shy about projecting this kind of view: he is absolutely convinced, this is the reason he is around and the main purpose of his existence. If you ask me, his father had a great influence on him for sure 

- He was born on the 13th of January, 2118 (not friday!). Originally the place of birth was New York City, then decided to ditch the idea for a better alternative and a sharper narrative contrast. I hope one day you get to see why

- He joined the marines right after he graduated from high school. He was not only preparing heavily for the entry test (we all know who notoriously hard it is and i can confidently believe this wont change a lot in the future) during the 4 years but was a huge dream of his (again, his father’s influence since he served the UAC in the same way, for a fairly long time before his death). Before he got stripped from his rank and achievements, he made it to the “sergeant” (and wasnt too far to make it to “staff sergeant”). 

- He got married with his high school sweetheart not soon after he got accepted to join the marine corps. Their connection is much more based on deep emotional and intellectual properties rather than purely on physical attraction (its there though). Essentially they are total opposites who complete each other (like she is an very open, overly kind hearted and emotionally expressive individual yet a little bit naive and shy) but that doesnt automatically mean they cannot attach to the same principles and live by that. Its more about balance and a steady state that they are both happy and confident in. Also, one of the simplest conformations about their dynamic is how they usually sleep: big spoon - small spoon since it not only represents perfectly their inner sides but their relation to each other in the relationship (or because its romantic in this way and they like it a lot, lol)

- His wife and daughter (born in 2138) not only represent a strong pillar in his life but something essential he can always return to find refuge and (emotional) support in. He is a tough guy with a strong personality and enough hard times behind his back, yet he is not immune to the overwhelming hopelessness and sadness that lingers around and even more inside him. This kind of craving for care become much more evident when he returned back from Mars and had to deal with the trauma of the invasion, the truth and the agonizing nightmares that never stopped haunting him for years. His wife worked as a psychiatrist for the Company, although it wasnt truly her expertise in the field that were needed in these cases, rather her affectionate and devoted nature that helped him out the gutter many times. 

Sorry, i had to put this gif here because its so beautiful  😭 😭 😭

- He has his own interest in many things, but the most important was always drawing to him, especially in an illustrative way. He has a great photographic memory, so combining this with his skills, it often results in well made even stunning art pieces. He kind of neglected his hobby when he become the member of the army, but after his daughter was born, he started to return back to it more and more. He didnt really imagine himself doing this for long or for life, however the entertainment value never seemed to fade away

- He is a huge fan of travelling, specially in tropical and/or warmer areas such as the Mediterranean peninsula, Central and South America and some parts of Southeast Asia. Wasnt the best experience for him though when he had to serve in such places like Syria, Libanon and Libya since the temperature and the environmental conditions were unbearable at best (along with the warzones he had to anticipate in). But to prove somewhat he is an actual admirer: he had his honeymoon in Portugal (it was a short weekend) which he still likes to relive to this day. 

- He is a great grandson of a somewhat “famous” individual (who is NOT polish and have nothing to do with WW2, rather was active during the difficult era from the early 2030s and later 2040s). His first name comes from his deceased uncle to honor his remembrance (thanks to his father) who was suffering from Duchenne dystrophy and died in an early age. His name was given when Mars and colonization was a hot topic during the 2090s and many parents named their child after or in connection with the planet. 

I hope you liked my mindblowing post, hope to make more in the future. I guess

Cheers

#doom3 #doom3guy #novel #characterlist #doom #dontkillmeimjustacrazyfangirllmao

[leafcabbage]

I KNOW it was probably very bad for their health and that Ranboo really shouldn't be pushing themself but that chapter of drdi where they just go out and get through the day by themself was for some reason so very satisfying to me. Maybe it's the contrast to how Tubbo treated them and how passive they were, but it feels like Ranboo finally got back some of the spark he had at the beginning and lost during the breakdown months (Obviously they deserve support and to not to have do everything by themself, but after how suffocating and overbearing Tubbo was, this sort of feels like the better option)

oooh i LOVE this ask because that is definitely a huge part of the chapter!! at the start of that chapter ranboo had the "i can do this with no help and that is how i will prove myself" mindset and at the end he says "even when I do need help with— with everything, I’m still a person" (chapter 12, leafcabbage). which is the realization that ultimately needs to happen. its not that he doesnt need help and needs to do everything alone, it's that he needs to be helped by people who treat him with respect and the understanding that he is his own person, and who encourage him to do the things he wants to do/can do on his own without forcing constant assistance. at the beginning of ycssg, ranboo was incredibly independent to his own detriment, he forced himself to be, he was neglected and emotionally abused for years, and to get himself out of that situation he had to fully sacrifice his mental and physical health, and he comes into SPU thinking that, not only can he continue that, but that this is where it’s supposed to pay off. he’s finally fully independent, with no lorraine and a fresh start. he obviously is immediately thrown into a new horrible situation, and that does a fucking number on his mental and physical health again and fucking crushes any hope he had. this chapter though is where you get the same stubbornness that got him to SPU back. it’s not about him being suddenly physically capable of pushing himself, it’s about him having the same drive to get himself out of a shitty situation again. does that mean he makes the healthy decision for himself? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! but it IS what leads to his ultimate realization that he deserves better.

RANBOO ISNT A PASSIVE PERSON!! he has LEARNED to be, he has found that the best way to deal with people like his former teachers and lorraine and dream and dr. walker and professor cox is to be quiet and take it. he has been taught time and time again that he should keep his head down, people please, and keep working, keep moving forward. that’s what he learned in 11:11 and that’s what he will never let go of, that the most important thing to do is keep working toward something. he has yet to find his time when he can finally set that down, finally fully rest, and so he wont. but at his heart, ranboo is fucking stubborn and kind of judgemental (see: him being like “yikes dont wanna stick around for this” with dream) and funny and is capable of giving as good as he gets but he DOESNT! i could go crazy insane about this guy, i love him so much.

im SO sorry i went way off base with what your actual ask was, i just!!! have so much to say. in my view of it, that chapter isnt satisfying because ranboo pushes themself too far and does the physically unhealthy thing, it is satisfying because they are finding who they are again. they are stepping out of that passive persona, and starting to move forward in a better way than before.

THANK YOU so much for this ask! hope youre well!!

#sorry this took so long to reply to i was halfway through then had to stream then had to get back on a roll #cabbage answers #fic asks #kissantassuset

[accidentalharrie]

"He won't claim her because of pr/his image" is a dumb take because he's had a lot of not so positive, gossipy publicity since they were first photographed together??? Like people call him a homewrecker and that he slept his way into a role. Olivia has 100 percent had it worse, obviously, as all women do when it comes to this stuff. But it doesn't make any sense anyway lol.

Not only is the idea of 'claiming' a woman archaic, how do we define it exactly? They've been witnessed walking around holding hands, holidaying together and with their families, plus Harry has never denied being with her? He went bright red when Howard Stern started pressing him about it and pretty much confirmed it then. Why is the world deserving of more because he's a celebrity? Yes, Harry is a lot more closed off than many celebrities but for good reason. It isn't just Olivia that he was incredibly private about, and imo he's probably more protective of this relationship since everybody and their mother has had an opinion on it for nearly 2 years. He's not going to open the door more for them just because people expect it. It's his choice and his boundary for himself and his partner (he literally explained that it's never benefited his relationships to talk about them publicly to Howard Stern). He just doesn't want to because it's his. Period. Like that other anon said, Olivia has shared a little more just by talking about her past relationship and comparing that to now...and she just said she finally knows what it's like to be best friends in a partnership with someone. So I really don't think she's 'pathetically' waiting for him to make some grand statement to the world because she has everything she needs. I agree it might have been hard being distant at the premiere, but it would have been decided together! They would have been torn apart if they had done more than that, especially Olivia. Everyone is just waiting to rip into her any chance they get for being a bad director, mother, and person. Why give people more of an opportunity.

In my opinion it's for protective reasons that they are BOTH like this. People need to listen to what they've both said!! 'We both go out of our way to protect our relationship' or was it 'keep it private'? Either way, they seem to be on the same page. Olivia has said more because she's been accused of more. And she deserved to have her side out there.

That really upsets me that people think so lowly of Harry. I adore him and I've been a fan for ages, so I'm biased but also I have watched and listened to his words for 10 years so...that's really not the impression I get at all. Like come on he just spoke about how he didn't want to be famous if it was gonna hurt the people around him, and people think the thing he wants the most is a clean relationship-less image? And it's not even the case so he and Jeff are doing a shit job of that. I mean, a rookie mistake allowing Olivia to have be part of his rolling stone interview. Damn.

For people to spread that he just doesn't give a fuck is gross, when to me it's the complete opposite. He recently spoke about how lucky he feels to be loved regardless of if he was successful or not, how his priorities have changed and he tries to be a better support to his loved ones. Do we know the details of that? No, even his family and friends are way more private than they used to be when it comes to him.

It doesnt take long to learn a few things about him, and her, and them as a couple. these are all recent interviews. All of that assuming the worst to shame a woman for staying in a relationship she's clearly quite happy in. They must be miserable and lonely people and want strangers to feel the same.

Sorry for the essay 😭

No apologies needed!

#i don't think i realized that some people think it's to maintain an air of availability #that's hilarious #i kind of get people who don't follow him obsessively not understanding what's going on with the two of them #but they've both been very very very clear that they are in sync on this #hlts #asks

[heavyskysystem]

cederic vent

"I know.. I can face these uncomfortable emotions. I can do that. I can learn to not explode or to get angry. Its so sweet how you tried to care for Fiona too, even if you wouldnt have to, how you tried to teach her how to regulate her anger too even though you feel so out of your depth cause you never dealt with issues like that.

I know. I know if I can face these emotions that make me feel like such a loser, so defeated, so uncomfortable.. without hurting us or exploding, that you can learn to face your fears too. You can grow too. Overcome these anxieties. I believe in you. I really do. Just how you do in me.

Its just. Maybe youre right and people like.. abusers like that, we arent strong. We feel strong when we act out, when we hurt others.. but we are pussies, real fucking pussies, we hide how weak we really feel, how hurt we really feel.. we have basically no emotional pain tolerance. We have to explode to cover it all up. And it makes us feel so good in the moment. But.. you see this as real raw strength dont you? Building up this emotional pain tolerance, me learning not to punsish you, me, us, not anyone. Not hurting people in your life to harm you, not attacking them. Not sabotaging you. None of that means im strong. You respect hard work, you respect people redefining themselves. You love me for.. accepting what is weak about me, for owning up to that. You think im so strong for that. But clearly anyone can do this, anyone is capable of handling their weak emotions like a non-abuser.. Just I cant. Surely.. if everyone else can do it doesnt make me strong. But you think I am. Youre on my side. You praise me for it. Love me for it. Congratulate me on it. And im so dumb and cant even let go of my jealousies..

Im sorry im so much work.

I know what you see as real strength isnt what I learned or even what Adam learned is real strength, I know we copied and mimicked what an abuser thought is strength. That instant relief of dominating a situation rather than being healthy about it.

I dont know if I agree that itll make me stronger. But I know you love me for this. I know it makes me feel better not to be his horrible horrible person. I know I never felt so loved before.

I know youre even impressed with how well im wording this. Im so insightful, so knowledgeable, so well reflected.

Do you know how much trouble youd be in if you were any different from what you actually are? You hate me for that a little bit atleast dont you? Thats what you love so much about Adam, he was strong enough not to have to find out how kind you actually are. He learned and regulated on his own, needing so little support from you.

I needed more than he did. Dont hate me for that.

I love you so much. I admire you so much for that kindness.

To find im not actually strong for the ways I thought I was strong is one hell of a scary, shameful trip. Its.. half of what I consisted of. For a time you even thought thats all I am. I.. am not. I am not just that. I am power than an ugly power trip or way to overpower you. I know im weaker than him. I know I cant just adapt and bounce back like he can. But I feel sick being so underappreciated in comparison to him. I needed you more, I demanded more of you.. does that really make me worth less?

I feel so disgusted with myself, even angry at you that having needed you differently or more makes you like me, love me less. That .. me needing more, wanting more, needing more patience and care makes me.. yes, worth less. That im just fundamentally worth less than him. Because you value strenght and indepence in yourself and in others.

Im sorry I needed you like that. Im so sorry. Im sorry I made you feel horrible. But I consider this a very pretty story, that.. you loved me throughout this, with breaks, with anger, understandable anger you had a right to, this you taught me no matter how unwilling to believe it I was. And im happy you did! Its a lesson I needed to learn. I dont deserve unconditional love, no one does, you used to say. But I find it hard to believe you didnt give me exactly that. Instead I learned all your rage and anger at me doesnt take away from that base love you feel for me. I respect your resentment and your anger. I will always hold it dear, it protects you. I dont want you weak.. I like you strong. capable. everything youd like to be, everything adam sees in you too.

I feel sick at myself, disgusted with myself. But one day ill love myself like I do most of the time now. And youll be the reason why. Or ill be too. I.. just. Youre right, you loving adam doesnt take away from you loving me and I need to learn this. Youll win anyways. Youre so goddamn stubborn. You wont shut up about me being in the wrong until I learn it the easy or the hard way. And maybe ill feel better after. maybe ill like myself more for that too. Maybe youre right and I just cant see it yet cause of how caught up in being.. like this I am.

Adam is right, you are the more formed, experienced, normal ones. Sadly we mostly embody disorder, I dont mean to insult Lilith, but we kind of do. To a degree. Youre ofc not free of this. trauma impacts you too. But we are afterall what isnt right to be or to express, what wasnt accepted, or what was simply abused so much more. That makes me so embarassed. But im more than my disorder. I can feel tall like a building without hurting you or anyone, I promise.

And yet youll still love him more. Has it ever occured to you that im having the tougher battle here? That im fighting harder? Right. I do mostly lean on you. fuck you for pointing that out. youre right Adam did more himself, by himself, for you. He just did it. He just changed. I let you push me. I can take on the perspective that maybe its natural even fair you feel that way. It just naturally developed that way and its not an insult towards me. It feels like swallowing something uncanny and gross though.

Maybe he just has an unfair advantage on me. Was equipped with traits you were taught to respect more. I didnt decide that.

I know.. im the only one that sees this piss contest. Adam doesnt see it. But he as the winner doesnt have to.

Maybe youre right and theres a lot of hurt behind feeling this way, hurt you dont want me to feel. Hurt you wish I didnt have. Wounds you wish I didnt carry. See thats what I mean with love. you love me so much. It triggers the shit out of you that im like this, but deep down you still want me to feel better, think of me. You think im just a little hurt and thats why im like this. Well, maybe youre right, joshua did have some unique wounds we didnt have. He probably did feel like a huge loser.

I wish I was still this aggressive piece of shit that could just hurt you and lose it to feel im winning the situation again. But youre right it doesnt fix the actual problem. I wont win this. And youll do your best convincing me theres no fight or race to win here.

I wonder if itll feel like identity loss to me when I let go of this. Or whether itll just feel.. like I became more.. again. I do feel im more now. better somehow. maybe itll just be like that.

But I do want to tell you.. I talk myself angry. Whilst you patiently listen, and empathize.

You dont want me to feel defeated or admit defeat, you just want me to accept there was no fight to start with. Is that healthier? Do I not have a right to feel how I do? No? Not like that?

I know im stinky like that. You have a right not to like this. It probably is the hallmark of an abuser or something and im just blind to it. But I do feel so entitled to this struggle.

Im just a stinky boy at the end of the day.

But I did get better! I did improve! I feel like vomitting, im so disgusted by myself.. Im so disgusted for my jealousy. But I did get better..

I love you. Youll win all your battles still.

Do you feel stuck with me when im like this? Do you feel in prison? No? I just thought you might feel so, cause you have to confront this shit with me. Maybe not. I respect that. I do feel I am capable of holding you hostage until every little issue I have is solved though. I do hate myself a little bit for the power I feel inherent in that. Stabbing a knife into our own leg, overpowering your capacity to control your own body, all of that made me feel like a winner. I was the stronger one, but maybe not the wiser one. I admire you. I love you.

I remember you thinking how unhealthy it is that I needed your love and care so badly, that Adam needed none of it to improve. That he did it because hes a realist and saw that youre tied to each other. You respect and value that.

I know im more mental than him. Seeing power where you only see me being fucked up insane. Its weakness isnt it? A avoidance strategy not to have to see how disgusted with myself I am, how weak I feel, an excuse not to have to deal with myself?

I know my lack of self-control just seems dumb and clumsy to you, whilst it made me feel so powerful. I know. its mental. its our own body. me harming it.. wasnt good for me either.

I know. Adam is what you always wanted and admired. Someone that doesnt depend on you to snap out of it, someone that takes care of himself. I know. I know why im losing to him. Maybe one day ill agree with you on that, maybe one day ill be able to not feel hurt admitting to the ways adam is superior to me.

It doesnt matter how much I show you how I feel though, you empathize with me, love me, I felt that. Im just.. still not getting what I want. Youll stick to your guns, put up your boundary no matter how hard I threaten to escalate, no ones wins with you via violence, youll always hold against it. Thats who you are. I learned to respect this rather than getting more and more upset by it. I understand that this lets the love in, rather than beating me into submission. You might not have won by domineering me, or being capable of trying not letting me overpower you, but you won by sticking to it, repeating the same boundary over and over again, maybe it makes you even stronger than someone that just truly won back control over their own body from this foreign invader, this persecutor alter threatening to take charge of your life and ruining it. Maybe youre stronger for it, because you never did just win back that control over your life, yet without having the upper hand you still continued to assert the same boundary, call me out, remind me of it, ignore me, put me in that ignored zone where I stayed until I learned to leave you be. Didnt best me by raw strength, bested me by sheer resilence. You dont always need to be the stronger one to win, you just need to outlive the other. It had to be scary to assert yourself over and over again to me, knowing in theory I couldve crushed you and damaged our body again. Yet you never faltered. Always got mad at me. always reminded me I deserve it. Maybe you and Adam are more of equal strength, maybe you deserve each other. Maybe im just weaker than you two. But I know im worthy in my own way, and youll keep teaching me that until I get it.

You won against me with such a massive disadvantage. I have no choice but to admire that. And now I have to get over myself once more. I made myself really vulnerable, but being emotionally honest doesnt mean ill always get what I want. Thats growth too isnt it? You admire that. I guess you just have a strong opinion of what "real strength" is. Dont take the easy way out, do it the harder, more scary way.

Are you proud of me? I didnt threaten us. I bounced back. I am learning to feel my jealousy and the weaknesses behind it without making it your problem, even if I come out of it a sore loser. Thats not strength is it? I mean I STILL lose. But to you it is.

Maybe I did win a little bit. Because I won.. needed that. Needed that belief in me. Ill learn to see it your way, I have no choice, like I said I can endlessly overpower you, but youll still put me in my place. My raw advantage over you body control wise doesnt matter. It doesnt. That makes me feel quite scared. But also held. If its hopeless anyways I might as well become better, right?

I almost want to say you love me better than you love him but.. you wont even let me have that will you? Youll just bop me and tell me to stop seeing it as a fight. Right, right I get it. Im slower again. But ill get there. You do know you are kind of forcing me though, right? You repeat yourself over and over again if you have to.

#vent #cederic

[sweetbabyrayray]

youre a very strong and understanding person, i was really worried i would make you feel worse (i also apologize for being on anon, i just wanted to wish you well). I have a personality disorder and issues with self harm, and i really do know how you feel, it really feels so horrible to have someone you care about kick you to the curb instead of supporting you or trying to get you help, or even just talking to you. i dont know you and our situations sound very different, but i know how that feels to get 0 understanding and 0 empathy when youre struggling inside. your ex being autistic probably made it even harder for him to emotionally understand how youre feeling (though of course we dont blame him for that) - sometimes things just dont work out. the hardest part for me was realizing that some things i did were manipulative, even if i didnt mean them to be, because of what a bad place i was in. you sound like you understand yourself way better than i did and i have lots of hope youll get through this! youre very brave, and very strong to keep moving forward like you are! i hope you get your housing needs met first and foremost. sorry i bugged you so late at night, wishing you happiness in this world and a place to stay- best wishes for the job too! sending hugs and well wishes, and praying you get the support of friends and family you deserve

oh its all good friend! it would take a LOT to offend or upset me, i promise. i typically have pretty thick skin and give people the benefit of the doubt (unless theyve consistently given me reason not to)

yeah, though, it really does. it's not even that he didn't support me, that would be less bad. it's that he directly promised me safety if i gave up everything and traveled countries to move in with him (meaning, spending thousands of dollars, donating half my stuff, selling my car, discarding the ability to find work easily because of immigration laws, pausing my physical therapy for my disability, etc). i wanted to live with him too and needed to move anyway for personal reasons, and he promised me safety if i moved to be with him in canada. then he decided that he didn't want to do it anymore and kicked me out, AFTER i'd already sacrificed everything. its so fucked up dude lol

his autism definitely did make it difficult for him, and i was very understanding of that. the thing is, though, i also have autism. i struggle very similarly to him, but ive worked very hard to still be considerate and listen to other people, to communicate even when its hard. i actively have to remind myself to consider other people's perspectives because it doesnt come naturally to me, either. im not going to stand here and blame him for struggling with things that were crucial to our relationship when they were not things that came naturally to him - that would be not only hypocritical, but plain asshole-ish; however, i am going to blame him for never putting in any work towards meeting in the middle in regards to these crucial things. there was no communication, no understanding, and no respect. his refusal to self-reflect or self-improve caused me an extreme amount of suffering, and his coping mechanisms (i wont go into them here, but basically he was extremely nasty to me) made the situation much worse than it needed to be, and thats fully on him.

thank you for being kind and talking with me. dont worry, ive been staying up late in an attempt to make myself as tired as possible so when i go to bed i just knock out immediately. you werent bothering me in the slightest. if you want to dm me, id be open to it, but i dont mind the anonymous messages either. i also wish you happiness and love <3

#ray speaks

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Hey manhwa/sob anon,my thoughts on winter szn is EXACT same to same with you everything you said was what I thought.i thought I was just not satisfied with dongchae being not mc like he didn't really have much even tho it was HIS szn yeah I absolutely agree with u angry with jaemin nd also jaemin x eunchae r my disliked ship...I didn't like the winter szn as much as other cuz of all the things you've said but I didn't really know what nd which thing I don't like so after seeing u write ur opinion nd thought made me think "aah that why , I don't really like this szn"

Also the reason I wanted you to read sob,really like your opinions nd many match with mine although not all

Like you I enjoyed bomi x jinyoung more the cuz I think it would e been really weird between seonhui nd bomi if any of those two were to date jaemin really like their friendship so I didn't want there to be a wall b/,w them tho I will agree with you on jaemin with bomi thing cuz at first I see them nd think ah they will really make a good couple both r similar (bomi mom being strict nd jaemin also being strict although not with him but with brother) both popular kid good grade good personality they would a power couple I'm a sucker for short boy x tall girl so jinbomi won my heart over aslo like the grumpy x sunshine trope also I really liked seonhui & jaehyeon cuz I'm kinda a lover of side couple also their maple 🍁 scene made me fall head over heels for this ship so I didn't really like seonhui x jaemin cuz as I said before the reason of bomi nd her friendship to not fall apart but now that not a problem cuz bomi nd jinyoung bf gf but she had guilt over asking jaemin to come over when his brother was suicide that day tho not her fault(nd yes that the school & mom fault ,hamin flower was good but so sad ) so that why I didn't really like it

On gaeul flower thing I liked it but as you said the discomfort of subin being reminder of her being bullied was really not done well she really got over it fast as you said but beside that I really like them being in college(university? I forgot which one) hs romance is common

Overall Id say I liked the story+ the couple execpt for dongchae flower could be done so much better nd the couple wasnt really good imo maybe I was expecting too much but also I agree you on the speech part I also really loved it!

there's gonna be a sequel (author said it's light hearted than sob) I think in a year Im waiting for it

Really a big post sorry

(Response to this).

Its fine, i love to talk about series anyway.

Yeah, winter season could've been better. I really thought Jaemin was out of character. He was better than that and Eunchae too. Dongchae deserves better.

Actually, i love tall girl x short boy type of ships too and of course, opposite attracts thing. The reason i couldnt root is because she and Jaemin both wanted to be together at that time, even its not romantic love, it was sad to watch them like that. I wasnt into Jaemin and Bomi, i just support people who have healthy relationship and like i said, the way she described that comfort feelings for Jaemin fits more the actual love but at the end, both of them are happy so its fine.

And i really hated what Bomi did with Jaemin, Jinyeong. If my friend did something like Bomi did, i would absolutely hated it. Girl, you didnt make things better but actually worse! And this isnt for her, its for herself. If you dont want to date your bestie's crush, tell her that for God's sake. They are lucky, it ends well though.

I didnt like Seunhui at the beginning because she looks like just rude girl for no reason but the story progress, i find her very cute and i know she has guilty for Hamin's suicide but i still think they also look good together with Jaemin and the way he was teasing her at the start, i shipped them and i dont think her relationship would actually fall apart with Bomi, if they communicated properly. Just because they have past and regrets doesnt mean they cant be together and doesnt mean its not love. Jaemin and Seunhui c/would be really cute and funny too but again, at the end, both find happiness so i am fine with this too so whatever, lol.

I think university romance is better because of maturity, the idea that you will find real love in uni is more realistic to me because at highschool, you are just trying to figure out yourself, you will most likely have crushes than love, its imature form of love. Though, its fun to explore any type of love, especially if its well written.

I heard about sequel, i wonder what will it be about.

#anon ask #seasons of blossom #webtoon #manhwa #webtoon analysis

[daedalusdavinci]

hey. do the gotham squad kids for the character ask meme

adslkfjnsdlkfsndfsf ; ; ok three in one post im gonna put this under the cut to spare my dash

send me a character and ill tell you...

Jason

What made me like them in the first place

you try reading his robin comics and not falling absolutely in love with him. hes just like... he was so genuine and caring and saw the magic in everything, but he also had such a strong sense of justice and maybe it didnt align perfectly with batmans but i LOVED it, i loved his anger because it came from such a place of compassion!! i feel like thats a fraught thing to say but id never seen any of the stuff online or anything, and i just loved him bc he could be kind of a shit but he was just such a cute kid. he was a KID kids are supposed to be shits. and then he came back as red hood and i was like YEAHHHH BOYYYYY and ive never been the same since

Who I ship them with

i think jason is aro but if hes not going to be i say roy bc. i mean. what was all that fr

Random headcanon I have about them

im a desperate believer in commie crimeboss jason who uses the enemies tactics to get inside and get people out again, supporting people safely until they dont have to rely on crime anymore and can find their feet

My favorite moment of theirs

theres so many. i love that comic where batman tells him to distract someone and he pelts them w snowballs its such peak little shit baby jay. i love his comic w two face and the "its too much". i love his appearance in outsiders its so small but i feel like it has such potential. WHEN HE TURNS DOWN RED ROBIN IN COUNTDOWN,, when he fights all the batkids in tfz fr and then his little moment w steph right after,, crying sobbing i love him i love everything abt him

Plotline/story I want to happen

bring back crimeboss jason im not asking. also. fucking. make him a team of actual antiheroes ffs wasted potential

Any issues or insecurities I think they have

i think jason has heavily internalized the bats constant messaging of "you were always going to end up this way you were always a bad egg" and has made his home in this mentality of "im not good and no one wants me here so ill make myself impossible to get rid of and thatll have to be okay" and he really just. he treats himself like a weapon instead of a person because he thinks itll make it hurt less

Favorite quote

i can post quotes from him all day long and i have claimed many as favorites but the truth is that i love everything he says. anyway heres one i like from ep 44 of wayne family adventures

Kiss, marry, hug, or kill

hug i love him

Random thing that reminds me of them

my old emo phase playlist

Any talents I think they might have

i think hes very good at a lot of things but also first aid

On a rate from 1 to 10 how much I love them

10 billion he is my favorite of all time

What I think about their family

i could make an entire post about jasons family. i love them. but specifically in relation to jason its a lot of delusional wishing and a lot of oof. i dont think jason and bruce repairing their relationship completely is realistic w the way comics are now, but i think he still places a lot of trust in dick, maybe more than dick deserves, just bc dick really was his hero growing up and he cares about him so much. i love jason and damian being brothers thru talia. but also, realistically, i think jason probably has the best relationship w duke rn bc duke didnt get all the failed robin stories that the others did nor was he around for jasons death so its like a clean slate type of deal. in general, though, i wish his relationship w everyone was better and i wish there was more elaboration on all of it

Who I think should be their bff

i think its a crime that dc never revisited his relationship w eddie, but also, theres definitely something to be said for the potential of him partnering up w rose. i like his and roys nonsense but it really doesnt make any sense. i also wish dc didnt ignore countdown (even tho i understand why they do) and gave him some kind of relationship w donna and kyle. i have complicated feelings abt this bc functionally jason has no friends outside of some extremely nonsense stuff post reboot

What animal they would be

sorry but im not team catboy jason at all the boy is a dog person. that said, wolf, bc he thinks hes a lone wolf even tho thats not how wolves work at all and hes frequently characterized as a feral angry monster when hes much more complicated than that but also sometimes people think hes a harmless puppy when the boy has very much killed people

Three songs that remind me of them

ive made jokes about me against the world before as well as kryptonite (art in links :') )

but i think better and what you make it by with confidence are pretty good. wish i had examples of metal songs but i just dont rlly listen to metal ever

Favorite episode/issue/thing centered around them

TASK FORCE Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its SO GOOD TT^TT i dont want it to end

How badly they need hugs

so badly. so badly. he has so many problems.

Favorite thing about their personality

his determination and the way he just keeps pushing forward even though everything seems to be telling him to just lay down and die all the time

Favorite thing about their appearance

youll pry those precious little curls out of my cold dead hands you know what im talking about

Why I love them so much

i feel like this whole post has been about why i love him so much. it sjust a statistical fact that i have a thing for characters who have died honestly so this was fully inevitable

Steph

What made me like them in the first place

i honestly cant remember but reading through her comics i just love her fucking wit. shes genuinely hilarious and shes also like!!! her independence and determination?? and the way she just constantly defies peoples expectations of her and keeps pushing i just. ugh. its hard not to love her she deserves so much better

Who I ship them with

i havent read all of stephs comics yet or anything, buuuut ngl her and kara are adorable ; ; and ofc cass is a classic

Random headcanon I have about them

i have Opinions about steph being the third robin instead of tim. many of them. also, she fucking deserves it

My favorite moment of theirs

from batgirl (2009) #4. cryign sobbing losing my mind i love her so much. i feel like you know a supers rlly made it when a kid looks up to them and it is never not fucking heartbreaking

Plotline/story I want to happen

give me robin steph or give me death. i dont know how. but i will change tides to give her the time she RIGHTFULLY FUCKING DESERVED. ohhhh im so mad about what they did to her im always mad about what they did to her

i also think she deserves significantly more bonding time w the batfamily than she gets. maybe i havent read enough comics yet (im still working through them, and i desperately hope that its just that), but it seems like she only rlly spends time w damian, cass, babs, and tim in any memorable capacity, and thats unacceptable to me. gotham squad when. not to have brainrot on main but her and jason have so many similarities in their background and treatment at batmans hands and stuff i just think they should fucking bond

Any issues or insecurities I think they have

steph is CONSTANTLY, CONSISTENTLY told that she isnt good enough, by the people she admires and loves the most. she tries so fucking hard to be good, to be perfect, and people still find fault in the smallest damn things. its devastating. i dont imagine she has a lot of self worth

Favorite quote

steph has endless great quoteable moments. her quips are fucking hysterical. but HONESTLY. honestly. my absolute favorite steph panel in the world? this one right here, from the secret origins 80 page grant

Kiss, marry, hug, or kill

hug i love her so much

Random thing that reminds me of them

can i say jason? lol

Any talents I think they might have

i think steph has a lot of random surprising talents. i think itd be fun if she did some random niche crafting thing, like pottery

On a rate from 1 to 10 how much I love them

gonna say a tentative 8 bc im still reading her comics but i adore her shes vastly underrated

What I think about their family

her dynamic w her mom is genuinely so interesting. her mom starts off extremely neglectful, but its still clear that she cares, and that she is trying, in her own way. and she gets better, and shes there for steph in some moments where it really fucking counts. i really like their moments

Who I think should be their bff

kara and cass

What animal they would be

im not really sure tbh

Three songs that remind me of them

lol skip associating characters w songs is a rare thing for me

Favorite episode/issue/thing centered around them

theres,,, not a lot of substantial stuff about her, honestly. she exists as a side character for a long time. but im rlly enjoying batgirl so far!!

How badly they need hugs

soooo bad and she deserves it she deserves someone who will tell her that shes good enough and that she matters

Favorite thing about their personality

shes so unwaveringly kind, even when people are so fucking cruel to her all the time. its astounding.

Favorite thing about their appearance

i love the spoiler mask it is so creature

Why I love them so much

again i feel like ive jsut been tlaking about this the whole time. its hard to put into words concisely why i love her but reading her comics its hard not to feel for her, to root for her, to feel angry at the sheer amount of injustice she faces. shes just so,,,

Duke

What made me like them in the first place

i feel like when it really clicked into place like oh. im obsessed with him. was like. duke, to me, is symbolic of the future. hes a step away from everything that batmans been and towards claiming hope for the city, firmly his own person and not dependent on batman in the way everyone before him has been. and its just. GOD. we love a man who believes in community organizing his comics make gotham feel like a home in a way a lot of them dont, really underlining his connection to the people who live there and what happens to them in a way i feel like bruce himself has grown distant from

Who I ship them with

n/a he needs to int w more people dc give him more fucking comics challenge or ill bite you

Random headcanon I have about them

you know how i love a good meta with powers tied to their emotions

My favorite moment of theirs

his ints w batman like this make me cry every goddamn time. from all star batman

batman secret files: the signal #1

Plotline/story I want to happen

GOTHAM SQUAD TEAMUP FUCKING WHEN!!!!!!!!!!! STOP BEING A COWARD DC GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT

also i want more stuff about duke learning to control his powers. and i want him to team up with other supers outsiders was great now give me more and people his own fucking age

Any issues or insecurities I think they have

he has batman daddy issues, the way they all do, and is constantly worried about disappointing him. obviously has trauma out the ass. but idk again he needs more comics. i also need to catch up on his comics probably its been a hot minute ive been distracted with other people

Favorite quote

this one from all star batman #3 is pretty fucking good, but he has a lot of good content really

Kiss, marry, hug, or kill

hug

Random thing that reminds me of them

arkham jasons helmet and dukes helmet look similar to me. catboys who r actually dogboys

Any talents I think they might have

i think he should work lighting in theater tech bc itd be funny

On a rate from 1 to 10 how much I love them

solid 8 i would love him even more if he had 50 years worth of content but alas

What I think about their family

its one of those things that i wish dc would elaborate on bc you know they could just. drive the angst in so hard dc stop holding back. give it to us. let us write the angst fics come on stop being lame

but w the batfamily i think hes in a weird space where he doesnt want to give up on his birth family and is trying to find the balance between holding them in his heart and learning how to lean into his new siblings and learning how to have them both

Who I think should be their bff

cass but i think dc should spend more time on his friend group (which it hink. theyre doing rn and im just behind on comics) and give him more super friends

What animal they would be

dog not elaborating ive been doing this meme for too long

Three songs that remind me of them

you are my sunshine n/a

Favorite episode/issue/thing centered around them

all star batman had a lot of rlly fun duke moments honestly but batman and the signal and new talent showcase were also (kisses fingers)

How badly they need hugs

he does need one but i think more than that everyone around him is just compelled to hug him bc hes just soooo baby

Favorite thing about their personality

hes so optimistic and vaguely fucking insane which is such a fun combo when paired against batman. he seems approachable in a way that a lot of the batfam isnt, too, and i appreciate that about him. hes their little ray of sunshine fr

Favorite thing about their appearance

love his stupid little helmet ears so much theyre so dumb they dont look anything like the bat ears and everything like little cat ears

Why I love them so much

again. see all of the above. ultimately i love duke for what i think he brings to batman comics and the potential for a new direction hes a vastly underrated (and underwritten) character no more tim comics only duke comics now

#asks #ty for the ask!! #the gotham robins r honestly probably the ones ive read the most comics for at this point sldjknfsldf #so i have. a decent amnt of opinions abt them

[arcadejohn127-9]

Hello!1st I wanted to say i love your blog its *chefs kiss*,and 2nd could I request (i dont know if this is in someway triggering or not so i apologize) a MC who doesnt believe the brothers can love them 'cause they despise themself and they are so set on (?) with that mindset that the brothers cant convince them otherwise,but MC themself wants to feel loved they...just cant...and they just breakdown saying they arent special and when the brothers meet other humans they will realise that MC is nothing,that they are a horrible being and they will leave them for somebody better,does that make sense I dont wanna go too deep into it(totaaaaally not self projecting)I am so sorry if this is a sensitive topic,feel free to ignore this ask,this has been eating me out for weeks so I just wanted to seek some comfort.Once again your blog is great and dont overwork yourself, take care! :D 🤍

I've definitely been there and even now, I still have these fears. Growing out of these Insecurities and feelings are hard even if you work hard to be as confident as you can. One day it'll happen but until then you just gotta keep reminding yourself that you're worth the world

Also tip, please don't rely on others for self worth - people can be cruel or simply just unpredictable. Not all but until you see every colour of a person you don't know. If you depend on someone else to give you worth and make you feel good then that'll start a very unhealthy cycle for yourself

I hate this phase "love yourself before you love others" because you don't need to, you can find healthy and happy relationships whilst insecure. But I think what it really means is; get self worth before you love another. Make sure you don't do yourself damage by giving you Someone who does the bare minimum or will sometimes make you feel good but is usually a dick.

You can find love but that love can be wrong if you don't pay attention to the red flags. Don't let your insecurities drag you into unhealthy relationships.

Because you are stunning, worth it and loveable. You're Someone people can look up to or admire even if it's for something simple like your humour.

Also thank you, I'll be sure to not overwork myself, make sure you don't pressure yourself too hard about work or your hobbies. Hobbies are all about fun!

Warning: self loathing, depressive themes, angst

You could stand it.

Your eyes traveled along the gifts and trinkets that were in your room. Each one gifted to you by a powerful demon; a demon you live with.

You couldn't stand it.

You could get it; why would someone like that every like you? You weren't special and yet Everyone insisted that you were. You're not the key. Not anything Diavolo wants or expects. Definitely not what the brothers want.

You had to scoff. The brothers only like you because of Lilith, if you were related then they'd never see you as anything but some human. Lilith dragged you here, she made sure you came here and for what? To be always told you're going to be some big thing; someone to destroy hatred and help bring together three realms.

Do they not realize how much pressure that is??!!!! And the how are you even going to do that?! You're magic is unpredictable and useless - it perfectly reflects you.

You whimpered at your own thoughts. The word useless stinging at your heart; it was almost if a knife lodged itself into your chest. Constantly stabbing the word useless into it.

You were useless. They need to find someone who can actually live up to their expectations. Just a good for nothing human....why do they even like you?

You looked back at the gifts, your watery stare turning into a hateful glare.

The question was burning inside your head. You couldn't understand; what did he see in you? You're not special! You're not anything anyone wants you to be and you're just being forced on a pedestal you didn't make!

Why did he always look at you the way he does? Like you actually mean something. Why does he smile so softly when you enter the room?

Why would he be like that when you KNOW that as soon as he meets another human, he'll be running after them without hesitation. Everyone was so much more attractive than you and better than you - you couldn't get why he loved you. Why- no how?! You weren't good enough for him!

No matter how many times he says I love you or compliments you it leaves such a bitter disgusting taste in your mouth. You're so horrible you can't even let people be nice to you - it's all a lie anyway. No one could love you. Never. No one!

You were useless! Disgusting! You weren't even attractive! You weren't loveable! You're a horrible person who looks just as horrible as they are. How can they look at you like that?! How can they stand you?! You're nothing!

You don't get it!

Why?! Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why-!

A scream ripped itself out of your throat. Tears streaming down your face as you clutched your head. Your body curled into itself, shaking and trembling as you choked on your sobs. You coughed through it as you tried to breath but the tears kept coming. Drowning you as you desperately tried to breath under their weight.

The pain was unbelievable. You felt like your head was on fire. You could barely even make out the figure standing at your door. Whoever they were, they scooped you up from the floor and rubbed circles into your arms. You clutched to them for dear life as you cried.

Somewhere in your brain you could tell who it was and it only made you cry harder. Shame filling your lungs as you tried to escape their caring embrace.

"No-! Stop it! I'm nothing! I'm useless-! Let me go-!! Why- why won't you leave me alone?! I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! LET ME DIE-!"

were you dying? You felt like it. The ache was painful; your chest growing tighter and tighter. You pounded on their chest, demanding they let you be the useless thing that you are alone.

Lucifer:

He forced back his tears

Just rubbing circles into your skin as he held you

To think you were this Insecure despite being the nicest person who knew

You were Better than him and don't let pride stop you - you were amazing

"not good enough for me? What made you believe that...? You're perfect for me, you complete me."

You denied his claims, sobbing as you listed your insecurities

"Your insecurities don't define you, you're so much more than that - I wouldn't of picked you to be my love if I didn't think you'd be adequate."

He wasn't sure if you were still listening but he pushed past his doubts

Adjusting you in his embrace

"I- I'm not sure if I'm comforting you....I'm not good at being the gentle hand, I want you to see how I see you - you're kind, charming and always keeping me in awe, you mean so much to me, I'll trade anything I could just to see you smile - I love you."

Mammon:

There can only be one self loathing idioit in this relationship

He refuses to let you feel like how he has

His forced confidence - you could easily see through it - anyone could

But you were the only one who then actually helped him feel better when you did see through it

He let a few tears stray, holding you close

"did someone say something to you? I don't forgive 'em for ever making ya this upset, I'm not letting you feel like this."

You shook your head, muttering that he should let you

"why should I? You're my favourite person and you've only made me happy - so let me make you happy! You're the only person who's ever treated me the way ya treat me and I won't let you hate yourself!"

He hugged you even tighter, squeezing you as he hid his face in your shoulder

"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, okay? You always know how to make me feel better and it's my turn to make you feel better but you gotta listen to me! I lo-love you! The great Mammon loves you so badly that he just wants to kiss you every day! You're amazing and I won't forgive ya if you let yourself keep going on like this, let me support you.... please...I don't want you to go."

Levithan:

He couldn't get it

He's always been jealous of your personality and ability to make others feel good

His envy makes him despise himself - so seeing you be the same, he couldn't take it

He gave you one big squeeze

"d-don't be stupid! You're the best thing that's come into my life - even better than ruri-chan!"

You didn't believe him, he was obessed with that character

"but it's true-! If I could I'd get loads of merchandise of you too because you're my favourite person! You're just like the protagonists I read about."

His face was beat red but he was determined to make you feel better

"You're Henry, you are brave and kind, always trying your best even if that best isn't up to your own or others standards, you Inspire me! I've thought about of making a series about you...so others can feel just as happy as I do when I see you, you make me feel less insecure and like I actually mean something - why can I do to make you feel the same? You mean everything to me! I really like you....I like-like you-! I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! Let me make you feel how you make me feel because then you'll see just how amazing you are!"

Satan:

Did someone makes you feel like this or was it just your own thoughts?

If it isn't the latter he'll need to find out who's hurt you

But right now, he hugged you tighter and cradled your head

He couldn't stand to see and hear you so destressed

"did I do something to make you feel like this? I'm so sorry if I did, I don't always realize when I come off rude or hateful- I could never hate you."

You held him tight, telling him to stop

"but I need to fix it if I've hurt you and if it wasn't me then whoever did needs to keep quiet, you don't deserve these feelings."

You huffed, trying to not cry more

He gave your Shoulder a small squeeze

"you're more than enough for me, you're so good to me - sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for you, you're always so patient with me and don't make me feel like I'm some unthinking beast, you don't think I'm lying when I be genuine and that makes me love you - I do love you - you make me feel good and I want to do the same for you, you're beyond good and I'll always be happy with the person you are and can become because I know you can do so much and always bring positivity even in the darkest times."

Asmodeus:

He's crying too

He hated of being seen as insecure

He only wanted confidence

Seeing you sob and beat on yourself like this only reminded him of his most private moments

He held you even closer, rocking you gently

"No, dear, I love you too much to let you feel like this, you're amazing to me and I think you're better than even myself, you're my number 1."

You shook your head, telling him he's lying

"I'm not, why would I lie? You're the sweetest person I know, you don't see me as some sex object - you make me feel real and happy - so so happy."

He kissed the top of your head, hiding his tear streaked face

"I want you to be happy....you deserve it, you've got only so long to live and I'm so scared that you're going to hate yourself even until you die, I don't want that! You're beautiful amazing and I could never ask for anyone better! Please- just let's work on our confidence together...okay? You're so wonderful, don't let yourself become so hateful."

Beezlebub:

He's absolutely broken

How didn't he realize you felt this bad about yourself??

He didn't even realize he was crying aswell, just holding you close as his mind screamed at him

"did something make you feel like this? It hurts to hear you say these things."

You shook your head before nodding, muttering you just won't talk anymore

"I didn't mean that, I always want you to be open with me and if not me, atleast one of my brother's."

He picked you up, placing you in a more comfortable position and held you close to his chest

"I love you, it took me awhile to realize that but I do, you make me feel full and happy - like I just ate a big buffet of warm cakes and dishes, I'm always warm when I'm with you, I don't believe you're not good enough - you're kind to me and never judge me for eating, you help me with working out but most importantly, you fixed my family and brought my twin back, I don't know how to make you see how much that means to me and I don't want you to feel bad about yourself when you're always the best person in the room - you're really great."

Belphegor:

"just let me die"

Those words hurt him so bad

He was like that, he demanded to be left to Rot with his own self loathing when Lilith died

He pulled you close to his chest as he grabbed your shoulder

"You're not allowed to feel like this, you've done nothing to feel this much hatred towards yourself."

You told him he was wrong, crying harder

"when am I wrong? I- okay, I can be wrong but I'm not wrong about you, you're my favourite person which means I love you and I don't let my favourite people sit and cry."

He cuddled you, nuzzling his cheek against yours

"You saved me and I will never able to make it up to you, I've hurt you and I hate it- I hate that I'm a reason you get scared, don't ever let yourself rot away, when my brother's just leave me to sleep I always feel so much dread - that I'm being left to die in my bed and will never get to see their faces again - I'll never be able to see your face again....I wouldn't be able to take it.....seeing you everyday makes me want to leave my bed and always make sure you smile, let me make you smile again."

#obey me #obey me shall we date #gamingclubpresident #aracadejohn217 9 #obey me mammon #obey me mc #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me luficer #obey me levithan #obey me imagine #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me headcanon #obey me headcanons #obey me angst #angst

[tender-rosiey]

❥ First Kiss with BSD

❥— Includes Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, Ranpo, Chuuya, Akutgawa and Tanizaki

ᴀ/ɴ: Thank you so much for the support on the “Confessions” scenario; I hope this one is up to your expectations as well 🥺❤️

Pls if you have anything to request dont be shy to ask! I will do my best to please you ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

Dᴀᴢᴀɪ ᴏsᴀᴍᴜ:

ఌ This little shit had it all planned

ఌ You guys were watching the sunset on the rooftop of the agency

ఌ Holding hands lovingly with your head on his shoulder

ఌ Nothing could go wrong, right?

ఌ Cue him asking you to commit double suicide with him

ఌ He tells you that he is joking and his tone suddenly turns serious and sincere

ఌ “All my life I thought there was no meaning, no reason for living. But you came in my life and became that reason to why I exist on this planet we call earth. Do you really think I would ask you to commit double suicide with me when I see you as the reason of why I am alive and very much in love with you?”

ఌ Now his kiss was filled with passion and love

ఌ Cupping your cheek with a hand while the other holds you by the waist to pull you closer

ఌ Deepening the kiss and smiling through it

ఌ Never had he thought he would find true happiness

ఌ Yet here you are proving him wrong

ᴀᴛsᴜsʜɪ Nᴀᴋᴀᴊɪᴍᴀ:

ᴥ︎ You were the one to kiss this little kitty cat first

ᴥ︎ Basically my baby here was rambling about he feels like he doesn’t deserve your love

ᴥ︎ You knowing damn well that he deserves the world did something that basically screams

“Hey! I love you and you are enough and couldn’t ask for more.”

ᴥ︎ You kissed him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ᴥ︎ A sweet and innocent kiss just aw

ᴥ︎ Couldn’t even make up words when you pulled back

“OHMYGODIWASNTREADYBUTTHATWASSOGOODIDONTMEANANYTHINGCREEPYBUTTHANKYOUANDILOVEYOUANDOHMYGODCANYOUEVENUNDERSTANDME?!”

ᴥ︎ I don’t think our sushi is okay

ᴥ︎ but hey at least you have something fun to distribute so you can understand what he said :D

ᴋᴜɴɪᴋɪᴅᴀ ᴅᴏᴘᴘᴏ:

✍︎︎ “According to my ideals we are supposed to kiss at—“

✍︎︎ Told you the date, time, place and how the kiss would be like

✍︎︎ And you were here like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

✍︎︎ You kissed the blonde in the middle of his explanation

✍︎︎ Kissed back with love and such delicacy way 🥺

✍︎︎ Bby luvs you and doesn’t want lose you

✍︎︎ BUT BUT BUT

✍︎︎ Doesnt mean you are escaping the lecture of how you are not supposed to interrupt people while they are in the middle of talking 🧍‍♀️

✍︎︎ Like Kunikida you are not their dad 🙄

✍︎︎ He can be your daddy tho-

Tᴀɴɪᴢᴀᴋɪ ᴊᴜɴɪᴄʜɪʀᴏ:

☃︎ Naomi was encouraging his beautiful ass to initiate the first kiss

☃︎ But bby was too shy

☃︎ But determined

☃︎ But shy

☃︎ Someone help him-

☃︎ “Y-Y/N I need to ask you about something”

☃︎ My 👏🏻 child 👏🏻 here 👏🏻 asks 👏🏻 for 👏🏻 your 👏🏻 permission 👏🏻

☃︎ R E S P E C T W O M E N J U I C E

☃︎ Another baby with a gentle and loving kiss

☃︎ Cupping your face with both hands delicately cause you are just that precious to him

Rᴀɴᴘᴏ ᴇᴅᴏɢᴀᴡᴀ:

☕︎︎ So u n e x p e c t e d

☕︎︎ You were literally working in peace then

☕︎︎ BAM

☕︎︎ A wild ranpo appeared and kissed you sweetly with a cheeky smile on his face when he pulled back

☕︎︎ Like ??

☕︎︎ “Nothing is better than a surprise kiss! Just as sweet as candy but never sweeter than you though.”

☕︎︎ Pecks your lips again and goes on his merry way to snack on anything he finds

ɴᴀᴋᴀʜᴀʀᴀ ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ:

➪ Before I start

➪ WHAT THE HELL IS HE SO FINE FOR

➪ my apologies let’s proceed

➪ You had just returned from a very dangerous mission and your life was at risk

➪ He was so worried the whole time while waiting for you to come back

➪ He wanted to hear your laugh, feel your warmth, everything so he can reassure his heart that his beloved is okay

➪ When you first came in he kissed you passionately

➪ All his worries fading away at the sense of your touch

➪ He is so happy you are okay :D

➪ Also if there were any injuries you’ve gotten from someone in the mission he will track them down and make sure they regret even looking at you 🥰

ᴀᴋᴜᴛᴀɢᴀᴡᴀ ʀʏᴜᴜɴᴏsᴜᴋᴇ:

☾ Apparently Chuuya called Akutagawa a pussy jokingly for not kissing you yet

☾ My man ain’t no pussy so he stomped over to you

☾ Grabbed your collar with a hand and your waist with another and kissed you roughly

☾ When he pulls back and processes what he did he covers his mouth with the back of his hand

☾ Blush evident on his face as he tells you to stop staring at his face

☾ Which only leads to him being hugged by you and him hugging back burying his face into your hair to hide his blush and embarrassment

☾ Also Chuuya is laughing his ass off from a distance

copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

#dazai osamu fluff #anime #anime aesthetic #anime art #anime scenery #dazai x reader #bsd dazai #bsd imagines #bsd anime #bsd chuuya #bsd atsushi #bsd ranpo #bsd x reader #bsd headcanons #chuuya fluff #fluff #cute #first kiss #anime fluff #headcanons #anime headcanons #kunikida fluff #kunikida doppo #tanizaki junichirou #akutagawa #port mafia #armed detective agency #bungo stray dogs x reader #anime community #anime gif