#they are the most influential person in your whole damn life even if they have no clue about it because without them you wouldn't be you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

manjiroscum · 1 year

Text

PRIMROSES

Character/s: Pantalone

Warnings: f!reader, a bit of explicit sex, mature language, arranged marriage, hurt&comfort, light angst, fluff, modern au, this is a bit cheesy ngl, reader's father is a dick, pantalone has violet eyes, reader being anxious, pantalone is a banker, pantalone being a simp, mentions of unprotected sex, mention of the use of condoms, hints of pregnancy, and use of pet names. Minors do not interact.

Note: been long since i wrote so i apologize if it isn't the best 🥹 this piece is dedicated to my lovely bby suki 💖

Synopsis: Your dearest husband got the scare of his life.

WC: 2.4k

Distance makes the heart grow fond but prolonged absence makes the heart forget.

The day Pantalone agreed to marry you despite it being an arranged endeavor was supposed to make a blushing bride feel over the moon. To recall that fateful meeting was akin to viewing a love story just about to unfold on a large screen, blissfully unaware of what was coming next no matter how obvious the foreshadowing is shown. All that occupied your mind that moment was the faint scent of primroses that wafted around the vicinity that was graced by his presence. The scent became stronger with each passing second, especially when you happened to flick off a piece of lint that dared to tarnish his impeccable suit. The mere act alone had Pantalone smiling down at you, causing your poor unsuspecting heart to do a flip.

“Thank you, my dear. I never saw that.”

He was cordial during the first meeting, smiling and casually complimenting you or nodding to your father’s flowery description of his beautiful daughter. The way his eyes followed your every move was enough to have you grow conscious of whatever you do but also made you aware of his interest in his soon-to-be wife. He was every man’s dream—rich, powerful, and unbothered by those who dared to challenge him. After all, who could compete with such a force that is Snezhnaya City’s most wealthy and influential banker? Mere humans can not compete with a demigod of the financial world, let alone those who wish to become like him when there is only one Pantalone in the whole universe who has beaten all odds thrown at him by life to reach the pedestal where he is now.

Nothing would make you happier than to have him fall head over heels for you just like you did with the way he carried himself during the entire evening.

“Is the caviar delicious?”

Pantalone’s lips curled up at your eager nod, unable to take his eyes off of you just like you couldn’t gaze away from the man. He was so patient in explaining things you would ask him, gentle in holding your hand to kiss it as a momentary goodbye. The promise of more encounters shone through his amethyst irises behind those glasses, capturing every fiber of your being to believe in him for he shall never disappoint.

“I hope to see you again, preferably sometime this week.”

A man such as he deserved nothing but the best of the best. To marry Pantalone would be second to reaching those pearly gates—everything to be handed to you on a gold platter and happiness will be served once one gold band is around your pretty ring finger. To be Pantalone’s wife… Such bliss indeed.

And yet, it was damn lonely. After all those months of preparations and making sure the wedding, including the wedding night, was perfect—Pantalone never had free time to spend with you again the second the honeymoon was all over. You have never foreseen the loneliness after all those insatiable fucking, overflowing words of endearment, and sipping champagne with him. Your friend was the occasional helper in the penthouse once the knots were tied. Missing Pantalone dearly wasn’t part of the agreement.

What happened to his vows in keeping you happy?

Your father was the first person you consulted with this sudden change in Pantalone’s demeanor. Yet, he hardly provided any advice or assistance or anything at all to explain the distance between you and your husband. For someone who arranged the marriage, you would’ve thought he’d lend you a hand and be sure the relationship wouldn’t go sour.

“Daughter, I think you shouldn’t be too… clingy, you know? Your husband needs some space from time to time. A man can’t run a business when his wife is hogging all of his time. Just don’t get all emotional. You tend to overreact…”

Frustrated, you slammed the door after walking out of your dad’s office. Hot angry tears threatened to drip down your warm cheeks at his statement. No wonder your mother left his sorry ass too soon.

You? Clingy? Overreacting?

Pantalone couldn’t even keep his hands off of you during the honeymoon period, even going far as to glare at the waiter who was making passes at you at that French restaurant. He tore the dress you wore that night with his bare hands while stamping hot kisses onto every skin his lips could touch. His fingers burying deep in your wet pussy he made possible so easily. The intoxicating smell of primrose and your shampoo mingled in your shared bedroom, with a mixture of sweat and fluids. His mouth claimed yours again and again just like his cock stretching your hole with each powerful thrust. Your husband burned through his stash of condoms meant for a month that night. You failed to recall how many times he came inside you, whispering his devotion directly into your ears while pounding you sore.

Pantalone valued your time like he valued his money. Those lips spoke of unattainable treasures he can buy, pledging he shall get them if you do ask. Yet, you never requested any material things. While you were grateful, it was his presence and his time you sought—far more valuable than any gold or jewel.

He found this far too amusing.

“Dearest, it somehow pains me that you don’t want this Birkin that will absolutely go well with that dress. Normally I would insist, but if you merely want to spend an evening alone with me, who am I to say no?”

It was his sturdy form keeping you from stumbling after too many drinks or the way he tucks back stray hairs from your face that made your soul fall harder. The quirk of his brow or the curve on his lips as he intently listens to you had your heart leaping in euphoria. This may have been an arranged marriage, however, it was better than you imagined. Pantalone may be the best husband there is…

A husband you rarely see anymore due to the drastic change in his behavior.

No matter how you tried to call him every day, you couldn’t help but hang on to his cryptic messages as responses or calls that last for a minute. The meals for two set on the table morphed slowly into one. His chair was often empty beside yours as you ate in silence. Traces of him being in the penthouse was rare, and even if he were to come home, only his warmth beside your side of the bed and the faint scent of primroses were all you could witness.

The ride down the elevator was uneventful as it can be. But your mind was racing faster than the cogs of the machine working to take you to the parking level. Pantalone consumed your thoughts even as you got into the Bentley Pantalone gifted you as a wedding gift. Sitting there and staring into space in the driver’s seat, you sighed.

Where did you go wrong?

You were quite sure everything was going so well between you two. Plus, you made sure not to do anything that will annoy him or anything. Pantalone was straightforward in telling you what ticked him off and what he found pleasant. He laid out his terms just as you did yours before you both agreed to marry one another.

So, what was keeping him so busy that he could barely see his wife, let alone be at home all the time?

Groaning, you leaned back against the seat and covered your face. You didn’t want to shed any tears, not in a parking lot where anyone can see. And frankly, you didn’t want to cry just because Pantalone hasn’t been paying you any attention. Oh god, perhaps you have gone too clingy. Too clingy that he has made his office his home and refuses to see you. For weeks, you have been sick with worry. Mornings, where you refuse to eat and even vomit the food you ate at dinner, were more frequent. To lose sleep over your husband’s absence was not the ideal way to go. But how can you lay in bed when Pantalone was out there doing god knows what?

No longer fighting back the tears, you nodded in defeat. Perhaps your father was right. Maybe you have gone too far as to cling to him in every moment you saw each other. Yeah, that’s probably why… You were quite sure of this, enough to go home and pack your things hastily into a suitcase. Hellbent on leaving him first before he can think of doing it. The rash decision fueled by your sorrows grew more rational with each minute that passed.

Because if he were seeing another woman, you were certain you would die on the spot—right there and then. You couldn’t bare to lose half of your soul when you just found it.

Pantalone, fortunately for him, came home to retrieve papers in his office just in time as you were about to wheel your suitcase out the front door. What appeared to be a normal day went crashing down instantly at the scene in front of the banker. A look of shock flashed in his features that you were sure you have never seen grace his face before. He was quick to compose himself, though, and approached you in confusion. You tried to hide your tear-streaked face, hoping the last image he will see of you is an epitome of immaculate and not someone about to get kicked out.

Yet, fate wouldn’t have it, eh?

“D-dearest, is there something wrong? Why have you packed your—what’s going on?” Despite the urgency and demand in his tone, Pantalone’s voice was shaky. Why on earth was his wife leaving him? Had he done anything wrong? Mind trying to come up with a memory or incident where he might’ve said something to offend you, Pantalone instantly shut the door and blocked it with his body when you moved past him. “Sweetheart, I won’t be able to understand or appease you if you wouldn’t tell me what’s bothering you.”

He watched as you swallowed, trying to avoid eye contact with him. Normally, this type of behavior would irritate him. But this was you. Pantalone would rather set his bank and possessions on fire than scare you away—the charming woman who genuinely enjoyed his company and listened to him rather than worm your way into his life for his money.

“I…I can’t do this anymore,” you responded with a hiccup from all the sobbing you did earlier. Pantalone’s mind haywire at your statement, unsure whether to hold you to keep you from running or to let you go. What could have possibly turned you this way? It wasn’t until your teary eyes met his that the realization of his constant absence sunk into him. “You’ve been… distant lately. I t-tired to reach out multiple times. I know you’re a busy man, but—” you cut yourself off to keep another sob from bubbling out.

Your trembling body was then encased by Pantalone’s, arms wrapping around you. The burst of his familiar scent of those damn flowers that always muddled your mind now cleared your thoughts. Instead of pushing him away, you found yourself crying in his arms, refusing to let go. Your husband sighed heavily, whispering his apologies and rubbing your back to soothe you.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I am… aware that I’ve been away. I know my lack of reaching out shouldn’t be excused, but do know that whatever you think I am doing is false.” Cupping your face, Pantalone leaned down to kiss your eyelids and tears. He continued to press kisses around your face until you quieted down, still holding onto him. He resumed his explanation with a small smile. “I shouldn’t have left you all alone, especially when the plans I’ve been busy with concern our house. Will you forgive your stupid husband for his mistake, mhm? Please stop crying, dearest. I can’t bare to see you this sad. I know I truly messed up this time… I am willing to make things right.”

Blinking twice, you registered the information regarding his lack of presence. While you were glad he admitted his mistake, this was a reminder that even such an accomplished man like Pantalone was still human at the end of the day. And a house? For the family that you two will soon have? He thought of this relationship far ahead...

Is this man's mission to make you fall even harder?

“You did. You fuckin’ made me worry so much.”

“Language, sweetheart. You know I only want to hear you say filthy words when you’re underneath me,” he joked that your eyes rolling. Pantalone then fished out a handkerchief from his suit pocket, handing it to you. “Now, dry those tears. I’ll take you to see the progress of the construction tomorrow. We’ll have lunch at that restaurant you have been wanting to go to. How does that sound?”

You grabbed the handkerchief he gave you and blew into the expensive material, giggling at the grimace that he tried to mask.

“Okay. But I’ll forgive you, stupid husband, if you promise not to do this again and communicate. And if you will promise to keep the rest of your days free for me. I miss my stupid husband so much that I’ve forgotten how he feels next to me.” You coupled your statement with a soft teasing smile. Pantalone exhaled in relief and then nodded without hesitation, not minding what you called him.

“Of course, dearest. Anything you want.”

Humming in delight, you hugged him again. Those three words you always say slipped past your lips, relief both in your hearts. Pantalone whispered those words back, squeezing you tighter. The crisis has been averted, but simply letting him get away with this is not happening. He knows this.

“And one more thing, can we eat at a different restaurant? I’ve been craving sushi since last night.”

“Craving sushi?” His brow raised at your request, pulling away to stare at you. “But I thought you couldn’t stand raw food right now? You said so last time. Isn’t that the reason why you wanted to eat Italian dishes?”

While it was endearing that Pantalone remembered that phone call back when he was missing in action, you went still at the memory. Sharing a look with him, perhaps there was something more than simply missing him that was causing your mood to switch faster than a broken light switch.

🎐taglist: @dottores @manjirousagi @festive @tokyometronetwork @saetoru @saeshiraw @saecore

#pat.✍️fics #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #pantalone x reader #genshin pantalone #pantalone smut #genshin impact pantalone #tw.unprotected sex #tw.pregnancy

837 notes · View notes

bonefall · 1 year

Note

Goosefeather (or Featherwhisker if you’ve drawn Goose before), if you’re still doing the sketch requests

[ID: Featherwhisker from Warrior Cats, for the Better Bones AU. He is a white, fluffy cat with a plumy tail and a pink underbelly.]

Raise your hand if you always forget canon Featherwhisker is supposed to be silver-gray 🙋

I wanted to do a different take on him than usual, his brother is Sunfall, his dad is Flamenose, his mom is a tortie, so I wanted to keep a 'warm' kinda feeling to the dude.

I swear I meant the belly to be ginger but picked a color that was too pink... but then Clumsy by Fergie came on my playlist and it was like, oh okay, the Spirit of Hunty Featherwhisker is possessing my color picker. That's what's happening here.

I had to re-draw his tail a billion times too, because the little curve kept looking like a butt. This was a very fun design.

That's how he would be btw. BB!Featherwhisker's personality is SO silly and funloving, he's a rulebreaker, he's a cheeky bastard, he's nosy, he WANTS the gossip.

Featherwhisker is the secret biodad of Frostfur.

He has a fondness for a kittypet that he visits frequently. See, Featherwhisker has a philosophy... more of a realization.

The Cleric is the most powerful role in the whole Clan. Sure, a leader has final authority, and a deputy organizes day-to-day life, but what does that matter when StarClan is supposed to be their final authority?

If you don't get caught, if you're just careful enough to be respectful... the Cleric is uncontested. And when his brother is the leader, who will stop him? Goosefeather? The one who got his own sister killed?

Yes, Goosefeather is powerful on his own right, and a fight between Clerics would be a headache, even if he would probably win thanks to his popularity... so he shrimply doesn't get caught, you see.

Or, at least, that's his perspective.

And BOY OH BOY is this influential to Spottedleaf. She wants this so bad. You can see a TON of his mindset in her.

That said......

Featherwhisker is in the Dark Forest. Not because he's a bad cat, in fact he's SAINTLY, ALWAYS there for his Clanmates when they need them

But... he's pretty picky-and-choosey with what messages from StarClan he relays. He only respects the parts of the code that make sense to him.

So he won't share a bad prophecy. He sired a child with a kittypet. He frequently channeled spirits directly instead of contacting StarClan's warriors the way he 'should'

StarClan took that as disrespect, and damned him for it.

Mind you, this is before Fire Alone.

Featherwhisker meets his end in Spottedleaf's completely gutted, reworked, reshaken, and replaced SE, Spottedleaf's Plague.

He dies of the titular plague just 1 year - 6 months before the start of TPB, catching it from Leopardfoot while treating her.

The book closes out with Spottedleaf and Tigerclaw having lost someone beloved, taking in very different ways, both of them lamenting the distance that's come between them.

I'm very fond of him. He's a super fun supporting character! Never gets a POV of his own, but means a lot to the people around him.

#Spottedleaf's Plague #Better Bones AU #BB!Featherwhisker

124 notes · View notes

britcision · 1 year

Text

The number of people who seem to think that it’s good and normal for them to want to personally approve of any piece of art for it to exist are fucking baffling to me

“Oh I don’t condone incest ships so no one should be allowed to write them”

Do you condone war crimes?

Do you approve of violence and oppressive governments?

Do you approve of torture and whump?

Do you fucking approve of teenage bullying?

We’d lose ALL MODERN MEDIA if we only ever told stories about things that are pure and good and clean, and the queer community would never be a part of it

Gay people HOLDING HANDS are treated like they’re fucking in the street by conservatives

You will never be pure enough, clean enough, respectable enough for the people who want you dead

Alan fucking Turing, without whom the Allies never would have won World War II, was chemically castrated because he happened to be gay as well as a genius

He killed himself

He was a hero by every single measure of the word, and he was driven to suicide because nothing else he was, nothing else he did, mattered to the people that were so sure homosexuality was wrong

Why the hell would being a milquetoast little queer who never consumes questionable content, never even glances at anything that makes them uncomfortable, save you?

He was an influential cis white man who fucking saved the civilisation that decided being gay made him a danger to kids, and he could not be allowed to just live his life

People like dark shit

Being taboo is literally part of the thrill, because it’s something that people don’t fucking go out and get in their normal life

There is no line in the sand that you can draw and say “this type of content is always bad and has no place in society” that will not immediately be used to silence minorities first (and usually only)

Spend a damn week enforcing the same purity standards on all your entertainment that you do on fic

Hint: you’ll never watch Game of Thrones again. Or 99.9% of historical fiction or fantasy. No war movies, which actually do have a negative effect on people

No more cop shows, procedurals, murder mysteries, and oh, if you like horror? Whole genre’s gotta go

The world has fucked up shit in it, and people will create and consume it in media. All you’re doing by trying to personally fucking judge the standards of fan content is making yourself look like an asshole

No one’s grabbing you by the fucking neck and making you read fic you don’t like

Show the same courtesy and keep your damn hands to yourself too

It’s none of your business what other people like until it affects you personally, and all this “fiction affects reality”? If you truly believe that aim your ass at Hollywood and Disney, the biggest creators of the most fucked up fiction

They never do

Just target fan communities and creators that they think they can bully into obeying

Not a single one of their actions would be allowed in the pure fiction utopia they want to police us into

#rant #suicide #self defeating bullshit

68 notes · View notes

rrrandomism · 2 years

Text

The Life and Death of Kim Gabryong

The lack of information about Kim Gimyung's father on Lookism Wikia inspired me to write this.

Caution: it's going to be a pretty long read

Ever since Kim Gabryong's name was first mentioned in the Lookism manhwa, I fell in lo- No. I mean was interested. I was intrigued. Dude had successfully shifted my attention from the handsomest gang leader in the universe, Kim Gimyung, to... well, him.

"But he's dead. Plus, barely anyone talked about his past life. There's nothing to dig about him, really," said somebody who stopped reading Lookism after Big Deal's Arc. Rumor has it that they have been blessed with an overwhelming amount of free time, so they continued their reading due to boredom.

Now you see what I mean, don't you, random person?

Kim Gabryong plays a huge role in the generations of fighters in the Lookism universe. Despite not being talked about much, I think so far we've got enough clues that allow us to take a glimpse of his character, his life, and the mystery of his death.

And, as a good future daughter in law who loves his son with all her heart, I wanted to honor him. May you rest in peace, abeoji. Just kidding

So, Who the Frick is Kim Gabryong?

He was the leader of the most influential mafia group in Generation 0 called Gapryong's Fist Gang. I'd like to assume he was also the founder, because his name is literally there. So I think it's safe to say that the whole gang aspects in the story of Lookism begins with this man.

Gabryong "Fist of Justice" Kim was admired by his peers and subordinates yet despised by common society. Kim Gabryong was a hero to some, and a villain to the others (including his son Kim Gimyung and his wife Kang Minseon).

To His Wife

"My feelings for you are like my cigarette butt on your portrait. Extinguished." - Kang Minseon, probably.

When Kim Gimyung asked her what kind of person his dad was like, she answered with the most charming smile, and I quote:

"He was the worst piece of shit ever."

Such an elegant and profound description this woman had of her beloved late husband. However, was he really a piece of shit like she said he was?

According to Kang Minseon, he was a jerk to the women who knew him. But he could never pass by someone in need or ignore any kind of injustice.

He had a sense of passion or romance or whatever, yet he couldn't even keep a romance with his lawfully wedded wife. But was there even romance between Minseon and Gabryong in the first place? I don't know. The two never seemed to even like each other. It smells suspiciously like an arranged marriage here.

In my head, I imagine Minseon as the daughter of a rich conglomerate who was married off to Gabryong by her parents for some kind of agreement. Her family wanted the most powerful gang as their back up, while Gabryong wanted an heir through a marriage.

Remember chapter 395 where Kang Minseon stated that Kim Gabryong didn't care when his mistress had a baby, and yet he was ecstatic when he found out that she was pregnant?

What about that time when Kim Gabryong was asked how many children he had? he said:

"Gimyung's the only son I have around his age."

"There's no need to have another child when I've already got a son."

Yeah? what about your other son, huh Gabryong? Didn't you already have a child seven years before you had Gimyung?

Did you not recognize him as your son because you had him outside of your marriage with Minseon?

Hmm I wonder how the kid felt about that. Minseon said he went to rule a gang in Mexico because he "got what he wanted".

"Don't ask me more about that. It's connected to the circumstances of your father's death," said she.

Um... actually ma'am, that's exactly why you need to tell us more because that was hella suspicious. But on second thought, we better end this conversation. I feel like this woman would kill us if we ask any more questions.

But hey, that's just my stupid theory.

Kang Minseon didn't seem to give a damn if her husband ran off to see different women, though. Which he did quite often according to Kim Gimyung.

"Dad, where are you going? Are you leaving mom at home to see those weird girls again?" - Little Gimyung, Ep. 306.

To His Son

"Fuck you, dad" - Kim Gimyung, most definitely.

In Little Gimyung's eyes, his father was an unfaithful man to his family. He often left him and his mom at home to see some "weird girls". Despite that, Gabryong was respected by people for being fair and "using his fist to help people". When Gimyung asked his mom why, all he got was silence. The poor Little Gimyung couldn't wrap his head around it. So he came to one conclusion: gangsters are not cool and he hates them. Several years later with the same mindset as he had when he was little, he ran away from home.

Time went by and the whole Big Deal becoming one of the 4 crews fiasco happened. Gimyung, who just quit Big Deal was faced by a dilemma of whether or not he should help Big Deal girls who were threatened by Samuel at the time. So he consulted his mother about his father in hopes that he would get a hint of what he should do next.

When his mother said that Gabryong had always helped anyone in need and never ignored any form of injustice, Gimyung's hatred for Gabryong seemed to subside. I personally would like to think that Kim Gimyung wearing his dad's gloves symbolizes that he wanted to continue Gabryong's legacy.

The Legendary Fighter and Politician Wannabe, Kim Gabryong

Park Jonggun seemed to have a great amount of respect for Kim Gabryong. When he found out that Kim Gimyung was the son of Kim Gabryong, he immediately lost interest in Seo Seongun. He said to himself, and I quote:

"I wouldn't say no to Gabryong's son taking over Big Deal."

While the fellas in Big Deal also whispered the same thing to each other:

"Is Gimyung-hyung gonna be our leader?"

"Of course. He's Gabryong's son."

Which couldn't help but make me wonder, what does being Gabryong's son have to do with taking over Big Deal?

Are you saying that Big Deal was originally founded by Kim Gabryong?

Idk. That sounds pretty plausible to me. What do you think?

Gabryong "Fist of Justice" Kim was a big guy with big dreams. He got into politics since his youth but alas, he never succeeded. City folks threw eggs at him during his speech, exclaiming that they didn't want a mafia in the congress. However despite those egg-throwing and shit-talking, he kept running for congress every chance he got until his death.

Dude's got the tenacity of two tiny Lego blocks that are attached together by super glue. Not to mention the amount of money that guy must have had for organizing those campaigns, which I'm sure were not cheap.

But what can you say? after all, he was a thug who wanted to change the world with his fist. I guess that's why he wanted to become a congressman so badly.

"You're nothing but a thug. You seriously think you can change the world with your fists?" - Park Jinyoung, Ep. 398.

The Death of Kim Gabryong

The cause of his death is still a mystery. Though I'm 100% sure his wife Kang Minseon knew about it. She just refused to reveal the secret even to her own son. Maybe despite her cold exterior, she's actually worried about how her son would react if he found out the reason behind his father's death. Unbeknownst to her, the lack of answer piqued Gimyung's curiosity even more. He then decided to set a goal. That is to find out what happened in the time period between Generation 0 and Generation 1, that led to his father's death.

And now we're still waiting for Kim Gimyung's next move to achieve that goal.

Will he ask Im Rua to gather some information for him?

Will he travel to Mexico to find his half brother and ask him about his father?

Or... Will he form alliances with Hostel, Burn Knuckles, J High, and the rest of Generation 2 to raid Ilhae, and then torture Yoojin for information?

Dear Kim Gimyung, if the latter is what you have in mind, then I suggest you don't just stop there. Cause I think there's a huge chance Yoojin wouldn't tell you either because he wouldn't want to, or simply because he really has no idea. Here's what I think you should do to gain the maximum amount of info in the quickest way possible.

You and your guys break into Ilhae's HQ.

Beat up the executives (including Songeun if you wanna. Or maybe you'd rather convince him to rejoin Big Deal instead. It's up to you, babe).

Torture Yoojin into revealing the location of Jinyoung's lab.

Steal a vial of truth serum. You won't have to fight Jinyoung first if you're lucky.

Take the serum, go to your mom's house, pour it into her tea. Make sure she drinks that.

And bam. Your mom will voluntarily give you every bit of information you could've asked for.

While you're at it, I'm going to try to make a deduction out of the pieces of clues that I've gathered so far.

Here's a kiss for good luck. Mwah 💋

See you in the next post where I write about the conspiracies around Kim Gabryong's death.

#lookism #lookism webtoon #jake kim #kim gimyung #writing exercise #sry for bad english #dayum thats a lotta gabryong

26 notes · View notes

fluffycity · 4 months

Note

Hii :)

So this isn‘t really a ask but I just wanted to thank you for this thread https://www.tumblr.com/agaybird/658382916202725376/big-tw-transphobia-terfs-violence-and-assault

I really have no idea how old it is 😭 or when this whole discussion reached it‘s peak on tumblr but I didn’t even heard of it till now. I just started my research because I have read stone butch blues and was absolutely fascinated by it especially because I can really see myself in butch femme culture and never thought I would find a place where I’d feel like I belong as a lesbian. But other than that the trans representation 😩 chefs kiss.. but that‘s also wanted specifically wanted to talk about because when I started researching more about the book I found people that were saying all of it just glorifies SA and the protagonist „r@pes“ someone.. I was really confused by that but I‘m talking about a scene where the protagonist who is a genderfluid butch lesbian in 60‘s (at the time passing as a man because of testosterone and because of the safety aspect) sleeps with a assumed to be straight cis women who has no idea that the protagonist uses a str@p on and doesn’t have an actual pen!s.. which people were so goddam quick to call „r@pe by deception“.. even though the women consented from the beginning and there was no risk of getting std, pregnant, etc.. while I really do not understand all the people being so angry about that, I didn’t know that it was such a big deal asking a question about that topic on Reddit and tumblr, turns out I was wrong.. cause now there‘s still people mad about me asking 😭

So I’m just happy that I saw your post because it really helped to understand it better at the moment. But for some reason I‘m always really struggling to not let that get to me because yk it‘s my favourite book and I‘m very quick to overthink this whole situation.. but now people literally pulling out all damn sorts of things to prove to me it was SA and suddenly wanna talk about this topic in really life (the book is mostly fiction) so I‘m really confused about how now people literally send me photos of the stonewall website and how stonewall are trying to stop this whole „deception by r@pe “ topic and I really don‘t know how to respond because the whole point of it was originally to not let r@pists get away with them not telling women that they’re not wearing a condom or have std‘s while having sex with them and more.. right?? So tbh. I‘m very new to all of this but I also don‘t know what to answer .. because ofc „r@pe by deception“ exist but it‘s mostly when it comes to the topics I just mentioned and most definitely not when it comes to trans people…

God I‘m sorry this is so long.. it just really bothered me that I couldn’t talk to anyone about it but then your post really helped me

So if it‘s okay for you, could please tell me some of your thoughts on my „question“ ?

oh my, that is pretty old now. the original post stated that if you don't know a person is trans and have sex with them anyways, it's not rape. that post was the reason TERFS harrassed me for almost a year on my old blog ^^;

as stated in that old post, it is my personal belief that it isn't rape. you consented as an adult to have sex with someone, and quite frankly i don't understand the fuss about it being a strap instead of a real penis. but it's also an old issue at this point as far as i can tell and requires some nuance.

also, engaging in media that is important in queer culture doesn't mean you have to agree with all of it either! if i did consider that to be sexual assault, stone butch blues is still incredibly important and influential on queer culture and you can't erase that. but you don't have to agree with what the protagonist did

sorry if this is a bit rambly, i haven't approached this topic in quite some time. not tagging this significantly so that terfs don't find me again

#sa mention #rape mention

1 note · View note

idy-ll-ique · 3 years

Text

A Day Well-Spent

Pairing: Mob Boss!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: It's like... fluff to the extreme

Warnings: mention of guns

Requested: nope

Summary: Y/N has just moved to Brooklyn and doesn't know how things are there. Bucky Barnes runs things around Brooklyn but what happens when they meet? Will she run away or will she still shoot her shot?

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Okay, first of all, THANK YOU FOR 500 FOLLOWERS I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH I LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH. also i think im obsessed with mob fics????? chile anyways so... enjoy!

---

"Ready to go, sweetie?"

"You know it, babe," Y/N grinned at her friend, Clarice. The two, on their way to work, had stopped by a coffee shop for their daily dose of caffeine. As they walked out of the café, Clarice turned to Y/N. "Finish your story! What did Brad say to you after that?!" Clarice reminded her and Y/N giggled.

"Oh, he was just too sweet! But not my type, ya know what I mean? I didn't know how to turn him down," she sighed. "Poor guy. If he had approached me…" Y/N lightly shoved her friend. "I have his number, should I pass it on?" Clarice turned to Y/N, wide eyed. "Darling, you're too good to me," she spoke with a strong Brooklyn accent.

Y/N burst out laughing. She had moved from another part of the country to Brooklyn for education; along with attending college, she was also working as a waitress at a nice little restaurant. That was how she met Clarice, her being another waitress at said restaurant. The two became fast friends.

Clarice was a few years older than Y/N, a single mother with a 4 year old son. Her son was extremely cute. As Y/N continued laughing, she didn't notice how her friend stopped in her tracks. Clarice was busy staring at the huge hunk of a man a few feet ahead of Y/N, standing in the middle of the pavement with his phone held to his ear, his back to them.

Bucky Barnes.

That man was James Buchanan Barnes, the King of Brooklyn. He ran the whole damn city along with his mob; very important and influential. On top of that? He was hot-headed, easily got angry and people knew what happened when he got angry. Except Y/N. Y/N didn't even know who he was.

As Y/N neared Bucky, still laughing for some reason, Clarice thought of calling out to her. And alert him of their presence? No way! "Clarice, you know I love it when you do your acc—" All of a sudden, Y/N collided into a soft wall, spilling her coffee all over it. Opening her eyes, she found out that it was no wall; instead, she had collided straight into a person.

And drenched his back with coffee.

He was wearing what looked like a very expensive suit and Y/N immediately felt guilty. "Oh my goodness, I'm so fucking sorry!" she blurted out as Bucky pulled the phone away from his ear, turning to look at her. His men, who were loitering around, had her surrounded as they pointed their guns at her. But she didn't notice.

She was busy staring at Bucky, her jaw slightly dropped. Hot damn, he is good looking, she thought to herself. It wasn't until he cleared his throat that she snapped out of a daydream. He had a stern expression on his face and she realized she messed up. He's someone important. Then she started apologizing profusely.

Bucky simply stared at her, taking in her features as he gave her a once-over. She's new, he realized, not from Brooklyn. "Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," he chuckled and she immediately shut up, offering him a timid smile. "I really am sorry, I feel like a total ass. That suit looks expensive, sir, is there any way I can help? Maybe pay for dry cleaning?"

"Do you know who I am?" he instead asked and her brows furrowed. "Oh Lord, am I supposed to know?! One mess up after another…" she grumbled and Bucky couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry. My name is Bucky Barnes, you may call me Bucky." At this point, even his men were surprised, lowering their guns.

Clarice was still standing there and one of the men caught her eye. He nodded his head towards Y/N and Clarice gave him an unsure smile. He sauntered over to her. "She's with you?" he asked and Clarice groaned, dropping her head. "She's new to Brooklyn, and has no idea who he is. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience."

The man smiled at her. "No worries, looks like the boss isn't gonna hurt her. I'm Sam, by the way." Clarice gave him a shy smile. Sam was also very good-looking. "I'm Clarice, nice to meet you." Better to remain on the good side of the mob. Back to Y/N and Bucky… "Bucky, that's a good name. Short for anything?"

He ran a hand through his hair, grinning. It had been years, years since someone outside of the mob had spoken to him so freely and without fear. It felt nice and refreshing, even more so because Y/N was super gorgeous. "James Buchanan Barnes." Y/N couldn't help but laugh. "Named after a president, huh?"

"You making fun of my name now, doll?" he smirked slyly. "Oh no no, I wouldn't dare," she flirted easily, "My name is Y/N. I still feel bad about ruining your suit, you won't even take the money…" Bucky waved her off. "First, Y/N is a wonderful name. Second, you don't need to worry your pretty head over me, this suit can easily be replaced."

"Then how about this? A coffee. My treat. It'll make me feel better," she insisted. Bucky raised a quick brow, thinking that he would be the one to ask her out but oh well, this works too. "Let's call it a date, shall we?" he purred, taking a step closer to her. She didn't back off. "If you'd like," she grinned up at him.

He couldn't help but grin back. "Excellent. Then how about you put your number in my phone and I pick you up next Sunday at 7 pm?" He thrust his phone into her hand and Y/N swore she heard someone gasping in the background. Bucky Barnes was a very private person but here he was now; handing his phone to a stranger.

She quickly put her number in his phone and handed it back, smiling. "I'll await your call." He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I have to go now, so I'll see you later. Say hello to your friend from my side. Sam! Stop flirting, man, we gotta go!" Y/N looked over her shoulder to see his friend flirting with Clarice.

She laughed and turned back to Bucky, who was already looking at her with a goofy grin on his face. "I'll see you next Sunday, Mr Barnes. Again, sorry for the suit!" He waved his arm in dismissal and got into the car, throwing her one last blowing kiss before zooming off. Y/N walked back to Clarice, who was staring at her, jaw dropped.

"I know the hell you didn't just do that."

"Did I do something wrong?" Y/N frowned. Then, all of a sudden, a wide grin bloomed on Clarice's face. "Do you even know who you're going to go on a date with next Sunday?!" Y/N blinked. "Is he someone important?" Clarice made a sound of indignation. "Important? Bitch, he's the Kingpin! The King of Brooklyn! A mob boss!"

Y/N's eyes went wide. "No way," she scoffed. "Yes way! Ask anyone! He runs things around here, babe. It was fun to see him all soft, though, he's kinda hot-headed and hard to impress. Even women stay away from him. And now you two are going on a date?! If this relationship does not end in a marriage I'm suing."

Y/N flushed slightly and punched Clarice on the shoulder. "Clair, we haven't even gone on one date." Clarice shrugged. "A girl can dream. Oh, your children will be the most beautiful! Did you see his right hand man, though?! Mamma mia! Said his name was Sam Wilson, I got his number!" The two reached their workplace.

Inside Bucky's car, he was still smiling, lost in thoughts. "So, that chick, huh," Sam spoke devilishly from the driver's seat. Bucky looked at him. "That's no way to talk about the future Mrs Barnes," he admonished and Sam chortled. "Dude, you haven't been on even one date! Slow down, chicks don't like dudes who plan out a marriage on the first date."

"But I know I'm right, so why shouldn't I plan?" Bucky shrugged. He was more than confident that Y/N was going to become his in the future. The way she looked at him, spoke to him, flirted with him… it was enough for him to become smitten with her at the first glance. "What about you and her friend, huh?"

It was Sam's turn to become flustered. "Clarice Light. Has a 4-year old son, Aaron." Bucky nodded thoughtfully. "A mother. Well-maintained looks," he commented, laughing when Sam punched him on the shoulder. "Why don't you think about your own chick and leave mine alone?"

---

Y/N frantically smoothed out her dress, checking herself in the mirror. She wore a beautiful, nude coloured bandage dress that reached mid-thigh, along with similar coloured heels. Bucky was coming to pick her up in 5 minutes. Even after finding out who he was she didn't back away, instead finding it empowering that the most important man in Brooklyn wanted to take her out on a date.

All of a sudden the bell rang, pulling Y/N out of her thoughts. The first thing she saw upon opening the door was a huge bouquet of red roses right in front of someone's face. He then moved the bouquet to reveal his face and Y/N smiled broadly. "Bucky!" He grinned back at her. "Hi, doll! Here, an extraordinary bouquet for an equally extraordinary woman."

"You're too flattering. These roses smell amazing, thank you so much." She took the bouquet from his hands and kept it away, stepping out of the house. Bucky offered her his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead her out of the building and towards an audacious, ridiculously expensive looking car.

"Everything about you is lavish, huh?" she teased as he ushered her into the passenger seat, sitting next to her. "Bad to have a taste for the finer things in life?" he teased right back, placing his hand on her thigh as the other gripped the steering wheel. "No, I mean, you are the Kingpin. I should expect luxury."

He glanced at her to see her grinning at him. "You found out?" She nodded. "Yup, Clarice told me as soon as you left. I don't mind though, I'm just wondering… why me?" He laughed. "Why you? Sweetheart, you are the first person aside from Sam who has talked to me so freely since… since I was 18. And you're gorgeous. So why not?"

"Again, with the flattery…"

"Just stating facts, my dear."

"Also, my friend has a crush on Sam, so do tell him to ask her out." Bucky laughed harder. It had been years since he'd enjoyed himself so much. "Really? He has a crush on her too! I guess I'll tell him tomorrow." Y/N looked out of the window. "Where are we going?" Bucky gently squeezed her thigh. It was clear he wasn't taking her to a café, like originally planned.

"A picnic in the park." Y/N's eyes lit up. "I love picnics!" she squealed. "Then I guess I made a good choice," Bucky chortled along. The two soon reached the park and Bucky got out of the car first, holding the door open for Y/N to step out. "A gentleman," she noted, making him grin. He then took out the picnic basket from the backseat.

Y/N laid out the classic pink and white checkered blanket that he had brought along, taking off her heels before sitting down. "Ugh, I'd have worn pants if I knew I was going to be sitting on the ground," she groaned as she somehow sat down, adjusting her dress.

"You look gorgeous in that dress though," Bucky commented, "But you don't need to worry about public indecency because it's just you and me in the park." Y/N blinked at him as he sat down, opening the basket and taking out food. "Just us? You booked the whole park?" Bucky smirked at her. "It's easy when you run things around here."

Y/N fondly shook her head. "So much effort." He winked at her. "All for you, doll, all for you." The two maintained a chat as they ate. "So, you're new here. Why did you move to Brooklyn?" Bucky asked her. "Education. I go to [Name] college, actually, and work part-time as a waitress for some additional income," she hummed. He nodded thoughtfully.

"What about you? Is the mob a family business or a start-up?" Bucky smiled at her boldness. "Family business, my dad used to run it before me. I was 16 when I took over." Y/N realized what must've happened and gave him a sad smile. "I'm sorry for your loss." Bucky returned the smile. "It's fine, he was no saint."

"No?"

"Yup, hated him actually. Used to be cruel to my mom, to me too… until he got shot. Best day of my life." Y/N gasped quietly. "Bucky! He was your father!" Bucky chuckled mercilessly. "An asshole is what he was. Geez, speaking of, my mom is gonna be so happy."

"What's her name?" Y/N took a bite of her sandwich. "Winifred. She's awesome, raised me and my sister alone, ya know? Dad was always too busy. My mom will like you, I can tell. And so will my sister." Y/N smiled at that. "A sister?" He nodded, excited to talk about his family.

"Rebecca Barnes. She's a few years younger than me, maybe your age. She goes to your college too." Y/N suddenly squealed. "You mean to tell me my best friend from college is your sister? Rebecca Barnes?!" Bucky smiled so wide he thought his cheeks were gonna tear. "You've met her?" Y/N vehemently nodded.

"She's really great, the only person kind enough to introduce herself on the first day I moved in. She was the one who showed me around campus and I found out that she mostly spent time alone because no one wanted to talk to her, her brother being involved with the bad side of law or something. But I didn't care. I still don't. She's awesome, you're awesome."

Bucky felt himself tear up at her words. "Doll, you have no idea how much that means to me." Y/N grinned at him, scooting sideways so she could lay her head on his shoulder. "I'm serious, you know. I can't wait to tell her about this." Bucky laughed in a watery tone, pressing his lips to her temple.

The two quietly ate after that. When the food was over both of them lay down on the blanket, looking up at the starry sky. "It's so beautiful," Y/N whispered, cuddling into Bucky's side as she stared at the gibbous moon. Bucky wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer to him.

"It's nothing compared to you."

Y/N laughed quietly and looked up, the same time he looked down. They met each other halfway; their lips connecting softly yet eagerly. Lost in the kiss Bucky sat up, pulling Y/N on his lap as they continued making out. Finally, after what felt like hours did they pull away, breathless. They said nothing; Bucky looked at her as if she hung the moon.

Y/N stared at him as if he were the only thing in the world. "So, when will I get a second date?" she broke the silence, leaning down to press her forehead to his. "Oh, doll, you're not getting rid of me any time soon," he shot back, laughing. Y/N giggled along and stood up.

Both of them packed their things and got into the car, Bucky offering to drive her home since it was late. So I guess it had been hours. As Bucky drove, Y/N's phone chimed. He glanced at her when she laughed. "What's so funny?" Y/N wheezed before answering.

"I've got two texts. One from Becca and one from Clarice."

Bucky couldn't stop his chuckle. "What did Becca say?" Y/N read out, "Girl, just heard you're on a date with my bro? And I— I swear if you don't become my sister in law, I'm suing." Laughter filled the car. "She really said that?" Y/N nodded. "Yup! Even Clarice, on the day we met, said the same thing! It's nuts. We just met and they're already planning a wedding."

"Speaking of, what was Clarice's message?"

"Oh nothing, just that she got back home from a date with Sam a few minutes ago."

"What?!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"That asshole had work today!"

"Bucky!"

All in all, it was a day well-spent.

---

A/N: Thanks for reading! Leave a like if you enjoyed!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes fluff #winter soldier #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan characters #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

455 notes · View notes

zodiacrant · 3 years

Text

💛Astro Notes💛

(All about Fixed signs)

(These may or may not apply to you, please keep an open mind and take it as entertainment rather than life changing facts. Please credit me if you’re going to use my work, or ask me beforehand.)

💛Fixed Sun and Rising are the most notable. You can definitely tell when some is a Taurus, Leo, Scorpio or an Aquarius Sun. In the rising it over powers the qualities of the Sun when it comes to how you come off.

💛Fixed Moons are double edged swords. On one hand they give the person endurance, patience and strong emotional capabilities. On the other hand, it incites overreacting and overthinking, running things over and over to the point of burning the mind out before physically achieving anything. This is why many fixed moons are labeled “lazy”.

💛Taurus and Leo represent the good things in life, food, money, clothes, art, fame, kids, the home, the superficial. Ruled by the Sun and Venus, respectively, they’re the rose to their opposites thorn. Whichever houses they reside in they bring security and confidence to but it can quickly get to their heads and turn into ego.

💛Scorpio and Aquarius on the other hand represents the other side of life. Fighting, cruelty, freedom, sex and death. Ruled by Uranus, Pluto and Mars, these signs speak of the grimmer side of life, some would argue its real life with no filter where we have to fight for our rights (Scorpio and Aquarius) in order to enjoy it (Taurus and Leo). Both signs bring resilience to whichever house and/or placement giving the person an edge in that part of life. Although, they’re hard to fool both signs are prone to destroy what they have built just so no one can do it first.

💛Fixed dominants are really stubborn and rigid when it comes to their ideals but they’re also facts based and would change their mind eventually.

💛This can be seen alot with Gen Z (Majority are Aquarius dominants) and Millennials (Strong effects of Scorpio Pluto) where they fight tooth and nail for something only to realize they were wrong the whole damn time.

💛Scorpio Venus is one hell of a mystery. They’re so timid in public but are very sexual in reality. They don’t see it but everything they watch is erotic or filled with sexual themes.

💛Houses that are in Fixed signs indicate deviance and possibly using sex and/or sexuality to get what you want.

💛I personally find Leos to be very attractive

💛Empty Fixed houses give a clear perspective on the house’s theme. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is fully confident in that part but it is easy for them to get over any obstacles or dilemmas.

💛The oppoiste is true, especially for Fixed house stelliums and those with Sun and/or Moon residing under one. Although, an indication of power, assurance, confidence, abundance and energy, it may not be easily obtained. Fixed houses can be like traps at times, they lure you in with all the money, fame, and pleasure you desire but the price you pay is your freedom and growth.

💛Even though they’re stated as “the biggest enemies with zero compatibility” in text book zodiac, but I know alot of Taurus and Aquarius married couples.

💛I am not sure the reason why but some of the biggest and most influential people throughout history were Fixed Suns. For better or worse

💛Aquarius Moons have the biggest contrast from one another. I never met one that was like another Aquarius Moon. This Moons works low key, hard to identify and explain, and even harder for the individual to analyze and digest.

💛Leo Suns talk about themselves alot more than other Leo placements. It’s not necessarily in the “all about me” tone but rather they always have to relate things back to them to let you know that they understand. Or they just love talking themselves and I got it wrong.

💛Taurus Venus is like if Taurus and Libra were a single Venusian sign. They have the class and beauty of Taurus and the youthful playfulness of Libra.

💛People with Fixed placements gravitate towards people with Fixed placements. I have yet to see otherwise.

💛Before you fight with a Fixed Mars remember that they fight for them to not lose, not for them to win. They will do everything so that you lose.

💛Scorpio Mercury is the ULTIMATE booksmart but damn are they really lost when it comes to people and the streets.

💛Fixed 10th house are more driven and career oriented than Cardinal signs. This is because they use success as way of proving themselves to the world, the hater, the doubters, their parents, that one person that looked at them weird. Simply put, they will be successful just to prove you wrong.

💛Taurus Moon is the earthy, easy going, chill Taurus that smokes weed and loves nature and colors like brown and green that people keep talking about. As a Taurus I can tell you that I am not one of those things nor have I ever liked them.

💛Fire dominant Scorpios are one of the most pretentious people I have ever met. They’re so fake deep and got it all “figured out”. Not a cute look babe.

💛All the people with Aquarius in the 8th that I have met just hate sex and talking about sexual things. It really weirds them out, which I get. Shit is weird if you think about it.

💛Aquarius Mercury can flay people’s skin with their tongue. They get creative with their insults to say the least.

💛Leo in the 11th is status obsessed. You can’t be their friend if you don’t “match” them.

💛Fixed Suns and dominants are super bougie. They love everything extra with a side of extravagance and add triple too much.

💛People with a Fixed Sun and Moon combination are victims of their big egos. They could really fall into delusions of grace and power having done absolutely nothing in real life

💛I have noticed that Leos don’t like it when someone has something in common with them. It’s as if whenever someone relates to them, they’re no longer “unique”, “different” or “special”

💛Fixed in 12th house experience crashing highs and lows. They never learn or attune to something unless they hit the rock hard cold bottom.

💛Leo Chiron is a hidden fame indicator. Many with this placement are child stars

966 notes · View notes

witchlyboo · 3 years

Text

Definitely, maybe.

Part five: The one who belongs to someone else.

Introduction. Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four.

Paring: Latina!reader x Logan Lerman x Tom Holland x Ben Hardy x Timothee Chalamet x Pedro Pascal x Michael B. Jordan

Warnings: Swearing, angst, misspellings, some Spanish, me learning how to write properly, and NY stuff that I've learned from movies that we all agree to pretend are real.

Word count: 6.4 k

a/n: You been asking for smut, I know, I know, I just wanted to introduce you to all the boys first, and we're getting there, just one more ahead. Also, I'm working on a masterlist because we are getting too many parts already.

All body types and skin tones friendly. You can also enjoy it as a no Hispanic reader. Constructive feedback and misspellings correction is always welcome.

Red and blue lights flash the driving mirror.

—No, no, no, por favor que no sea a mi—You beg to the sky looking at the patrol that is asking you to park, or someone else, there's a lot of cars in this part of the city, there's a big chance is the panic who's controlling your senses.—Dios, mi abuela fue a la iglesia cada domingo de su vida y nunca te pidió nada, please let me have some of her divina recompensa.—But that's not how it works, you end up parking with just a few seconds to think what to say. There's a perfect explication of why you are driving a car that is not yours in the middle of the night and smelling like a minibar.

Then this ridiculous thought comes to your mind, you look expensive, you've never seen the daughter of a senator but you must be close to it, it would make you less of a feminist if you just use your attributes? Ugh, you feel sick just to think about it but don't have enough money to pay a fine, and the constant paranoia of being chased all the time as an immigrant will only get stronger.

You pull down your dress a little so your neckline can do its job but you regret it immediately, and you're pretty sure you look more like an expensive prostitute who stole the car of his lover than some influential men's daughter.

—License and registration.—You hear him say when he approaches your window. You don't like this but you have to play the dumb tourist, the pretty foreign girl that is too stupid to be dangerous, with the look you have tonight it shouldn't be hard. But damn you hate cops, any uniformed man that works for the government is your eternal enemy, and you don't know how long you could keep the nice dumb Latina game before spit on his face.

—There's something wrong, officer? ...You?!—Your sexy and fake high voice is ruined when you see the face of the man who stopped you. This night couldn't get worse.

—Wait, what happened with the party?—Evan interrupts you while you finish some notes for work, little remainders for later when you don't have an eleven years old kid running around you, he's not usually this energic and you have to blame yourself for that, you're describing a life of excess and eccentric fun, something you let behind so many years ago that your own son doesn't know even a bit of it.

—Ugh, a nightmare doesn't worth telling.—You remember vaguely most of it but what keeps fresh in your mind is bad enough to don't want to bring it back.

—But if Timothée is my dad I have to know the important things, including the bad stuff.—Sounds perfectly reasonable and that's what makes you groan at him. Sometimes you feel blessed that your kid is better than you in any possible way, and sometimes you want to kill his brain with video games and reality shows like the rest of the parents.

—Ok, cool, but I'll keep all the +18 content for myself, so this part of the story might be blurry for you.—It kinda is for you anyway.

You should’ve known this night was cursed, you had a feeling because a) your earring fell off at the same time Timothée texted you to give you the party address and say he can't pick you up. And b) he won’t pick you up. Your mother would say that’s reason enough to not go, a real gentleman wouldn’t make you go to an unknown place in the middle of the night on your own in a city like this. But you decide to ignore it because you are a modern woman and because it’s worth it. It better be.

The outfit must be something special. You always take your time to choose what to wear, even if just another regular day, and since this isn't the case you thought about it for hours, that made your mind busy enough to not thinking about Tom and the whole love confession. He texted you saying he'll come for you to go to class together on Monday, which is completely impractical because he's way closer than you but is progress and you're going to take it.

You wanted to ask for Sheep's opinion but you thought she might not care, has been a few days since she started acting strange like she's bothered just to see you breathe. You want to blame his boyfriend to take all her time and attention from you but is probably just her new job, she got a small role in a Netflix show, and even when you're so happy for her, that's the event that has changed her into someone completely different. But you give her time, stress can do bad things to people.

The winner is the exact copy you made of the black and white striped dress Cameron Diaz wore in "The Mask" beautiful, classy, and sexy enough without being too scandalous, not that you have any problem with that, but this isn't the occasion, you don't want to feel like you're being too much or too little, just enough, it's supposed to be easy, right? you were born for this. Just adding some big shiny earrings you got on a thrift shop that look like real diamonds and you're ready, not that you own any to compare. Red lipstick, dark eyes, and a messy bun to get that disinterested pitch every look needs.

Getting there wasn't a problem, you were in the rich part of the city, everyone know who, where and what just to brag about it. The excitement is growing with every second, you check your makeup like thirty times in the elevator and send texts to your mom just to let her know where you are, and because you have to share that moment with someone and you are limited of friends these days.

Timothée opens the door with red eyes, drunk, high, or somewhere in between, you know then you were right about the bad feeling. He jumps on you to kiss you and no matter how much you try to explain the delicacy of your lipstick, he does it anyway, leaving a taste of alcohol and shrimps in your mouth. Taking you by the waist he walks you to a group of people you don't know while you're trying harder to fix the red color of your mouth without a mirror.

—Here is the companion I bought, look at her, that's how five grand per hour look like.—They laughed but you were too disoriented to process all the things he said, it was supposed to be a joke? if it is, why isn't he correcting? Instead, his hand goes straight to your ass and presses it to get you closer to him.

—I'm actually an intern in the costume designer department of the new version of "Sense and Sensibility".—You wanted to mention your recent promotion to hairstylist and makeup artist but that might be too pretentious. Anyway, they don't seem to care what you are or not, in fact, they don't even see you, all eyes are on Timothée

—Oh, well, is easy to forget when you're paying them—All laughs again. Who is this person? Who are all these people, actually? You recognize some influencers, a few cast members but there's no sign of the director, other main actors, not even his co-star. You feel like an extra in a movie where someone will be killed in a luxury party, hopefully not you. You take his hand from your body and clear your throat.—I'm just joking my love, she looks stunning, isn't she? I’ll get you a drink.

He leaves and the group of people surrounding you suddenly dissipated like boiling water, you were on your own again and despite some judgmental gazes is like you’re not there, you’re sure you could just take your dress off and throw it to someone’s face and unless Tim says something about it, no one would care. You’re there as his companion, an ornament, and that’s not enough to earn their attention because it’s too obvious you’re the one in turn.

You walk to the only window no one is smoking and check your phone, you know, the thing you do when you pretend you have important issues to attend, but no, you end reading some old messages, pictures, texting your mom of how much fun you’re having at the party, and somehow you check your filed Facebook messages to find Logan’s name. You cover the screen so fast you hurt your nail, his name is enough to make you tremble like a Chihuahua, you haven’t talked to him since that night, you know from his sister he lives in the house he bought for you two and he’s having the happiest life without you. You want to believe that because that means you took the right decision but deep inside… no, you can’t be that person, you want him to be happier than ever.

You find the guts to open the message, and you read as slowly as is humanly possible. “My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health…” Dios, just Logan could start a message like that, your smile is almost too big to fit in your face so you bit your nail to cover it a little. “I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you’ll be happy to know…”

—That’s a fucking long-ass message.—Tim appears behind you and takes your phone from your hand, spilling some of his drink on your dress in the process. Apparently, he's been there long enough to read part of the message.

—Give it back.—You command in the most severe voice you have, your magical moment got ruined and you remember the hole of hell you are.

—"My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health. I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you must know I still use them now and then"—Timothée starts reading the message, and even when no one is close enough to hear it and you don’t really care about this people’s opinion, that’s not for anyone to read, that’s one of the few parts of your life you treasure the most and you’re not ready to get over it.—You little slut, are you cheating on me with a med student?

—Give it to me.—You repeat trying to take the phone from his hand but he’s faster and walks away putting it out of your reach.

—"I meticulously preserve them, I certainly know any piece of art made by you will be priceless in the near future"—You don’t want to hear it coming from his drunk mocking voice, so you try to ignore what he’s saying and put more effort on chasing the phone.—Should I had kept the jeans where you left the wet spot on? I didn’t know you were an artist, my love.

—Timothée, por el amor de Dios.—Now you're trying to climb him, it wouldn't be that hard to take him down, he's skinny and you're fierce. That's what you thought but he's not moving even with you are on top of his shoulder and his opposite long arm keeps the phone away from you.

—Who is this guy and why is he talking to my girl like this?—You see the olive eyes getting darker and the tone of his voice went deeper than you thought he could do. You desist from taking the phone, you know the bullies love the attention, maybe that's exactly what he wants and give it to him just makes it worse.

—I'm not your girl.—You claim fixing up your dress having enough of games, and you have no reason to keep worrying about losing your job, the filming is done, and apparently your relationship with him too. You don't care about any of that anymore, just want to read Logan's text.

Even behind all the alcohol and the eyes injected in blood thanks for who knows what kind of drug, you can see the disappointment and anger, but it's not a broken heart, Is the hissy fit of a child that loses his balloon and now everyone will pay for it, especially you.

—Are you sure about that?—You can see him swallow hard, almost looking vulnerable, but his voice is defiant and threatening to prove you wrong. He just has to stretch out his arm to reach the open window with your phone in hand, his intentions are clear and the only thing you can do is raise your hands as a reflex.—You were mine the moment you put a foot on my trailer, and I don't fucking share my stuff.—Before you can say a word he drops the phone from the fourth floor.

You know is senseless but you find yourself running out of the party and going to search the device, using it also as an excuse to get away from that place. This is the first time someone makes you feel meaningless, you know the famous' world is cold and lacking in empathy but this is ridiculous, they're a bunch of parasites fed by attention and power. By Timothée.

The screen is crashed and the rest of it is probably beyond repair, not that you're surprised, its life is longer than you've been in the country and you admit you should have replaced it much earlier but you're not the kind to throw away things that still work. However, is not the phone you are worried about, not as much as what it contains.

—That was obsolete anyway, I'll get you a better one.—You didn't know he was following you, his voice interrupts your self-wailing. He sounds calmer and a little embarrassed, but not enough to say sorry, you don't think he's capable of saying it.

You shake your head and start to walk away without a word, you don't want anything from him, not materially, at least.

—Don't make a scandal out of it, it's just a phone!—He yells erasing any trace of regret in his voice. He doesn't see the reaction he expected and that's when he runs after you and with a hand on your upper arm pulls you back, you gasped for the sudden bluntness.—That annoying habit you have of leaving when I'm talking to you.

You push him away with all the strength you have, which resulted in him almost falling on the ground.

—I don't care about the stupid phone!—You finally break, but sadly is not as satisfactory as you thought it would be.—You are mean, vain, arrogant and the worst part is that you enjoy being this despicable human because you have absolutely no consequences to it. Everyone around you just accepts it and I feel so sorry for you because the only possible way for you to fill the void inside is to be surrounded by that crowd of mules licking your steps—To your surprise, he has nothing to say, he's just standing there with no facial expression, whatever he feels is easily covered by his years of experience acting, even drunk.—I can't give you that and it's obvious they don't want me either. What am I even doing here?—You ask yourself thinking where would be the best way of getting a cab, is a rich zone, must be easy.

—Everything is better when you're around—His voice is thin and fragile, you have to process what he said three times in your head to understand his words. You're not willing to look at him yet.—You're not like the others.

—Pure bullshit. You love to repeat that misogynist discourse of girls being in a certain way because is easier than be responsible for the people you choose to be—You were hugging yourself the whole time, is a cold night, but not enough to be bothersome, you enjoy Fall weather—You got me for a moment, I give you that, you fooled me but I'm too tired of guessing what version of you is real—When you return your gaze at him, he doesn't try to hide the guilt anymore, but there's still haughtiness in there.—Now, if you don't mind Mr. Chalamet, I need to get a cab.

—No, you came with me, you leave with me.—There's no trace of alcohol in his voice anymore, a good scolding is enough to put you sober, you know that thanks to your mom. Oh god, you're becoming her.

—You didn't bring me here, gigantic head—You look at him and put your hand in front of him with the palm up. He stares at it for several seconds before put his own on it—Not that!—You shake it and start looking inside his jeans pockets until you feel the metal of his key car.—You can't drive and I have to get home. You'll find it in the studio tomorrow.

That's how you ended with a car way more luxurious than you expected, driving so slowly and carefully that the police stopped you. What a night, but at this point, you couldn't care less about anything that is not that message, is been months and you can't get over it, over him. Not even Ben moans, Tom's comforting arms, or fight with a movie star at 3:00 am. is enough to get him out of your mind.

—So is true, you don't wear anything that hasn't appeared in a movie, huh?—Michael B. Jordan is leaning on the car window with a mocking smile and a sparkle of satisfaction that you would love to punch but his uniform keeps you in line, where you come from police is not equal to justice, most of the times is oppression.

—You know where it's from?—That was kind of comforting, no one at the party noticed. Not that you care.

—Is The Mask, not some Adam Hitchcock's blurb.—He smiles and even when you really don't like him, it's nice to be with a familiar face, you are really tired of running away, scaping for problems that are a result of your null capacity to deal with emotions. Ugh, what a word.

—Is Alfred Hitchcock, actually.—You didn't want to sound priggish, but you correct him with no time to stop yourself, an old habit.

—You got me, smarty, you know more than movies than me. Where did you get this car?—You feel really nervous even when you got this legally, you have your documents and license on time and he's being nice enough to not want to run away in a car that you technically borrowed for yourself.

—It's not mine.—No shit, Sherlock.

—No shit, Sherlock, I was asking where did you steal it.—You wanted to laugh but there's something with the uniform that just doesn't allow you to be yourself.—Are you drunk?

—No, no, fuck, no, it's just, I don't feel comfortable with cops—He raises his eyebrows but that is his only reaction.—Listen, is my boss' car, I'm doing the favor to take it to the studio, and I'm really nervous because is fucking expensive, he's an asshole, I haven't drive un almost a year because you people only use cars if you're rich or your work and lives depend on it. I'm starving.—The last part came out of nowhere, you haven't eaten anything in almost 13 hours, maybe that's the actual reason why you are that moody.

He doesn't answer right away, takes his time to look at you, what makes you blush, he's really close, closer than he's ever been. Does he smell like green apples? Not the actual apples, the artificial smell they had given to them.

—Get out of the car.—Oh no, is he arresting you? Is he finally taking revenge for every time you make fun of his Hawaiian-type shirts? You know you have too much karma accumulated and a cop making you pay for it when you don’t believe in their sense of justice is kinda poetic, and evil.

You don’t want to discuss with someone with a taser, gun, pepper spray, or who knows what else. So you take your bag, the key car, and get off defeated.

—My turn is almost over, I’ll take you to eat something, c’mon.—He walks back to his patrol and you stay still for a few seconds still processing his words, you must look totally devastated for him to offer that. How you see it you have two options, go with him and spend an awkward hour with a person you don’t like or risk getting a fine, Tim can pay it, it’s not a big deal but you don’t want to owe him even the minimal thing.

You get in the car holding on to your bag to feel calmer, this is the first time you’re fully alone with him since you found him half-naked in your kitchen. Those defined abs may never leave your brain.

—Are you cold?—He interrupts your thoughts with his question, you didn’t notice you were shaking. He looks for something under his seat and gives you an NYPD hoodie, you hold it doubting your next move, is not like you don’t appreciate the gesture but it’d be easier to take if it doesn’t get that words printed—Is clean.—He says chuckling when he sees the way you’re looking at it.

—Is not that, just, you know, fuck the police, defund the NYPD, demilitarize the pigs and that stuff.—You say putting on the hoodie anyway, is a cold night and you won't help the institution wearing their propaganda.

—Yeah, I get it, but you can't change the system just from within.—You decide is not the right moment to have a political conversation so you shrug your shoulders and discreetly smell the hoodie, a mix of cologne, green apples, and cheap soap, you know is cheap because you buy the exact same, do its job.

—I'm in the mood for pizza.—You say casually, making a deal to yourself to try to be his friend, he is a small part of your life anyway.—Domino's is open at this time of the night?

—Tell me you're not consuming that shit, dear Lord, you been here for how long, two years? I can't believe your idea of a good pizza is Domino's. Stella hasn't taught you anything?—You're surprised by the level of condescension with a pizza and you mirror his smile, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Your school program includes people from all around the world so you don't have that much experience with actual new yorkers. Logan is rich, so he doesn't really count.

—What's wrong with Domino's? I don't buy much street food, is cheaper to buy things on the food market. Besides, all pizza is good.—The mention of Sheep makes you a little tense, so you don't say anything about it, is not a conversation to have with him.

—Don't blaspheme in the patrol, I just washed it—You laugh, finally, after a terrible weekend. You can see why she likes him, there is something about his voice, smile, and his eyes that feel... calm, like watching Friends after a marathon of Lord of the Rings.—There are rules to survive this city, and I'm surprised you have made it this far without a proper guide.

—Chill out Mr. Miyagi, I'm not from the jungle, and I've learned a lot by myself.—He gives you a lopsided grin as a request, and you put your fingers up ready to enlist your acquired knowledge.—Walk fast, like you're about to be stabbed, something that actually happened to me, with an umbrella—He nods and laughs being related to it.—Number two, no small talk, no one cares, even if they ask. Number three, if you look a stranger in the eye, especially a homeless person, you have essentially invited them to approach you.

—Number four, we never eat from Domino's, Papa John's, Pizza hut, or any other chain restaurant, only trucks and local places are allowed.—You roll your eyes but you get the point, is just, again, you're not much into street food, it doesn't taste like home and the only way to eat food like that is preparing it yourself.

—Fine, fuck capitalism, let's support local places—You make an obvious fake enthusiastic tone but he nods proudly.—Number five, you don't need a car to live here, not even know how to drive. I would have successfully avoided this police brutality if I had followed that rule.

—For someone who is about to eat for free, you whine too much.—He parks the car and gives you a sign to go with him. You see him go to a pizza truck and order, you realize at the moment how ridiculous you look, so before chasing him you let your hair down, take your huge earrings off, and roll up the skirt of your dress until your mid-thighs letting the hoodie cover the rest, and clean the red lipstick with a Kleenex from your bag. Now you look more like a college person and not a rich girl who just got seized.

—Here you go.—He says giving you a slice as big as your head, looks oily and spreading cheese everywhere. Perfect.

—Is it vegan?—You ask receiving the food with an obnoxious face. His kind grind turned into a dread expression and you give him your second laugh of the day.—I'm kidding.

You are about to give it a bite when you see passing next to you a huge rat with the exact same slice as yours in its mouth, running into the dark of the night happy to have obtained the food for its family. They use to scare you when you just moved out but now they're like any other pigeon in the sky.

—Rule... whatever, a rat with a slice of pizza is a symbol for good luck, congratulations.—He pets your head awkwardly, not sure if you're ok with the physical contact, which, surprisingly, you are.

—I see rats with bagels all the time.—Pizza and bagels, that's the main culinary wonders of the city, you like it, not much to object but is hard not to compare it with your home's food.

—Is easy to confuse a rough diamond with a simple rock.—You both eat in silence, enjoying the mixed sounds of the city and all the different smells, the whole situation feels like one of those lofi music videos. You remember thinking about moments like this before getting the scholarship, what would it be like to feel normal in the city of your dreams.

—How do you know that much about movies?—He asks after a few minutes when you take a break to drink something, that pizza is not easy to take.

—When I was a kid a spent much time on my own, so my dad bought me a used DVD reproducer, and at the corner of my neighborhood was this movie store where you could buy 5 pirate movies for one dollar. They were blurred, with a terrible sound, and most of the time with the wrong movie inside but they helped me to not feel lonely. Eventually, the store closed but I've watched everything in it by then—He gives you a warm smile, you never told that story to anyone, not because is too intimate to share, but because no one asked, it doesn't sound like a question with a complex answer.—Anyway, I watched Marie Antoinette when I was like eight, and I decided at that moment that however is done I wanted to be part of that magic.

—You hear all kind of people chasing dreams in this city but is hard to find someone who actually deserves it.—You blush and you cover it with your hair but the smile on your voice is impossible to hide.

—Is that a compliment? You must really want me to like you to date Sheep.—You laugh but you can see his face tense, so you can guess your friend has been busy breaking everyone’s hearts.

—She hasn’t returned my calls in three days so I don’t think there’s much you can do—You nod, all this time you thought he was the reason she is ignoring you but apparently you are both in the same boat.—But yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking, what I should have said is, Marie Antoinette at eight? I can see where all the damage started.

You gasp and throw your napkin at his head, he easily catches it without even looking at it and laughs; that was unexpectedly attractive.

—Why a cop?—You ask, not sure where that question came from, maybe you authentically want to know more about him, he just bought you food, and honestly, that's the easiest way to win your trust.

—I wanted to be an actor when I was a child. This is the city of opportunities so you may think that if you want to chase the big wonder, this is the perfect place to do it. But I grow up surrounded by these people giving their entire lives to get something just given to one in a million so I decided is not worth it. For many years I wondered what I wanted to do with my life and the answer was really clear, my dad was a cop, a good one, or that’s what people say. I don’t remember much because he died when I was seven—Conversations about death are not your strength, everything can turn out uncomfortable if you choose the wrong words.—It might not be that glamorous but if my father died for it, it surely worth it.

—For the good ones.—You raise your almost empty can of Coke and he does the same with a grin that warms the cold weather of the night.

—For the good ones.

The next two hours passed like minutes talking about anything and everything. It just felt right to talk freely with him, you didn’t feel judged for your awkward family moments or your random thoughts, not even once because he told you his too. At some point of the night he borrowed you his gym sweatpants, any of you could just suggest going home but that was off the table, end that peace just for weather reasons would have been a tragedy.

—I read Timothée Chalamet is a dick. Is that true?—The mention of his name remains you of your life and everything that comes with it, including the middle semester project that you must dedicate your entire day, one that is about to start.—What, you can’t talk about it?

—He is a complete dick with no sense of privacy or human decency—And when he interrupts a deep kiss to look at your eyes, smile, and caress your chin, you feel like a character of his Victorian movies. But he didn’t ask that.—But the next week he’ll be no longer my problem.

—That’s why we have rule twenty-three, don’t ask for a picture of a celebrity unless they are local—You have heard about it before but you haven’t got the opportunity to decide if you like that rule because the only celebrities you have seen are from work and that club’s party opening.—That means you’ll be free to go to the Stephen Kings’ movie projection there will be for Halloween.

You don’t know if that was a proposition, a suggestion, or just a simple recommendation, and whatever it is, you noticed he was nervous to ask. Is it wrong? It feels wrong like you were betraying your friend accepting to hang out with his boyfriend without her consent. But he didn’t ask you to go with him so is safe to answer.

—Yeah, I guess—You get a moment, four seconds top, where you shared innocent, curious, and tenting gazes like three graders in the playground. And that’s the further you will allow yourself to go.—We better leave, if the sunlight touch me I’ll turn into dust.

You get off the car hood and go to the side door, but this time he opens it for you. You give him a “seriously?” Look, receiving a little push in your arm as a response.

↬☀︎︎

A distant voice asks you to wake up, softly whispers that turn into caresses on your cheek, your eyes feel so heavy, even when you are well aware of your environment your eyelids keep closed.

—Good morning, Princess—This is the first time Tom calls you that way, the change from silly nicknames to Princess is enough to get you out of hibernation. He is squatting beside your bed, his smile is the promise of a better day, and chasing that idea you give him one small back.—Your mom has been texting me desperately all day, she said you're not answering her calls and is worried.

—Fuck, my phone broke last night, can I call her from yours?—That’s an oversimplification but in the search for a better story, that's what you decide to believe and tell. Tom nods and gives it to you, he looks happy, beyond that, this is the first time you see that subtle blush on his cheeks and the eyes sparkling. You sit on the bed next to his body looking for your mom's number, slowly he moves between your legs, you have shorts and an oversized Back To The Future t-shirt, you got took the time to prepare yourself to bed last night and keep Michael’s clothes inside your closet to wash them, like The Tell-Tale Heart, a little innocent secret who feels dirty somehow

The conversations with your mom are always long, nostalgic and the tears are hard to hold for both parts; after a long life sharing almost every day with her, her absence never feels smaller. But this time is different, Tom is exploring the bare skin under your knee with his warm hands, asking for permission with curious eyes, and when you don’t object to the touch the British boy keeps his exploring mission cautiously, giving special attention to see your eyes in case something change. Is time to hang up when he gives a long and loving kiss to your knee, the less erotic kiss you could think of but so intimate to bristle your skin.

—Not nice to touch someone's daughter when is talking to her mom.—The protest of your voice loses strength at every word, he heard that and just straight his back to reach your face, the gap is almost extinct.

—We're okay, she likes me.—He assures holding your hips and pulling you a bit to him. Tom looks very comfortable with the new closeness authorization, you like it but are not very sure about it yet, most of you still think of him as your best friend.

—Did she tell you that? Are you talking with my mom behind my back?—You laugh when he does, almost like nothing changed.

—She adores me, I swear, I'm invited to Christmas, you know?—You're not surprised, she invites everyone, Logan was too but the first time he got family plans and didn't make it to the second.

—You should go, maybe we can do...—His lips touch yours in a peak at the middle phrase and makes you forget what you were about to say.—Man, the audacity to interrupt...—Then he kisses you again, deeply, using his tongue to taste your inner lip and his hands holding your shirt in fists. That's a twist of events.

—Is that ok?—You hear a weak whisper coming out of his voice but you got so mesmerized on his lips that decided to ignore it and kiss him back instead. He responds to your touch and starts to lean over you to make you lay on the bed.

Jesucristo bendito, is this happening? like, actually happening? you must look like trash, you barely took all the makeup from the night before and didn't take a shower, you start to get so worried about smells, feelings, and what that'll mean to your already too much-spoiled friendship.

However, the time of doubts is done when Sheep starts yelling in the living room, you both reacted running to the sound and looking for your blonde friend. Michael is there but doesn't look like the same as a few hours ago, is annoyed and tired for the lack of sleep, a look that doesn't match him at all.—What did you do?—You ask him fast assuming she's mad for something he did.

—Just in time, the star of the movie, I was wondering how much it will take you to be the protagonist of this.—That is Sheep's voice talking about you and what must be your heart breaking from her words.

—Excuse me?—You wish your tone would be less savage but you can't help respond the same way she did.

—Logan wasn't enough, then you got the drummer, fucking Timothée Chalamet, Tom and now my boyfriend. I'm so glad I didn't leave you alone with my dad or I'd be calling you mom now.—You have no words to that, Michael doesn't even dare to look at you, he must have told her something she misunderstood, but Sheep, or well, Stella is saying things she actually thinks and keep to herself. Tom walks in front of you whispering things to her to calm her down but she is not looking at him, you didn't tell her anything about Tom either so he's taking responsibility this time.—Go ahead and fuck the whole city, Michael if that please you but you're crossing the line with Tom and you know that, you're going to ruin him as you ruin every man that enters in your life.—She has a very you moment having the last word of the dispute and getting out of the apartment with Michael going after her but not putting much effort in it.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Taglist:

@eridanuswave @cjand10 @deluxeplanteater @rorodendra @navs-bhat @coxxxxxpi @leviosatothestars

Thanks for all the love and support, if you have opinions, suggestions, or want to be part of the tag list (Or don’t want to be part anymore) let me know, I appreciate every message.

#ben hardy imagine #michael b jordan fc #tom holland x reader #timothee chalamet fanfiction #pedro pascal #logan lerman fc #definitely maybe #fluff #angst #timothee chalamet #Tom Holland #Ben Hardy

111 notes · View notes

yellowocaballero · 2 years

Note

Do you have any star wars fic recommendations? You and your fics started my spiral into star wars hyperfixation hell and I C R A V E substance

AH OH JEEZ

I've been reading Star Wars fanfic literally for the past ten years, I think the Prequel section just all around contains the best fanfic on AO3 as a whole, and I almost basically do not. Every one of my favorites is still on ffn, and they would be such a pain to find. Check out the TvTropes SW fanfic rec page, they have The Real Old Timer Favorites.

I will say that the reason that the lead of the recent story is Fox is because of Our Guard and pretty much Our Guard exclusively. I need to finish it but it's deeply funny.

Similarly, a big part of the reason for The Cody Love is False Dichotomy , which influenced a lot of the way I see him. Another super good Cody (& Obi-Wan & Luke post O66) is the No Choir Series, first I Gathered You Here. My favorite Dad!Cody would definitely have to be Edges, which is just super good plotty casefic in general.

My Leia characterization can be slightly blamed on the best Original Trilogy fic on AO3 is "no one can stop me, not even gravity or nasa". The best fanfic summary of all time belongs to Ad Utrumque Paratus which is also great and has a good Leia and whatever but, more importantly, "black-cloaked psychic cyborg sorcerer dad with a severe breathing problem throwing an old man down the Death Star reactor shaft." Literally I've never read another synopsis that ever compared, I think about it every damn day of my life.

For some reason I used to read a lot of fics set around the Jedi Apprentice era (and boy oh boy is it hard to find somebody who writes a good Qui-Gon these days why are people so bad at it, just make him a good person who is so fucking annoying), which is likely the reason behind all my teen Obi-Wan fascinations. Guy's life is just HILARIOUSLY fucked. I read so much Melida/Daan stuff it's just so funny. The best and most influential fic for me right now in that aspect is also Edges, so go read it. Despite how many I read I can't think of too many, sorry! Most Teen!Obi-Wan stuff these days have takes I disliked so much that I ran off and wrote reel to reel about it. I feel like such an old man grumbling about how Jedi Apprentice era stuff used to be good but now it's all woobie Mandalorian blah blah blah.

More generally and mainstream, Vod'e An is really really fun and intricate timeline nonsense that goes into backstories. Obviously anything esama does, but we know that.

There's a ton of others I can think of but they tend to fall into the "Luke and Leia roleswap???" and "time travelling Obi-Wan??" category and I couldn't possibly dig them up right now jalksdf. It's pretty telling that usually when people ask me for fanfic recs of whatever I'm currently writing for my answer is "I don't read any of it because I hate all of it", but I can think of so much for SW I can't even name it. But those fics have been floating at the top of my mind because they were big inspo for the fic.

There would be fics that are #mandalorianinspo if it wasn't for the fact that 90% of fics about Mandalorians had so much random Mando vocab in them that they're almost undecipherable grumble grumble. And nobody recognizing how interesting Satine can be as a character for favor of #hotdunks grumble grumble more nuances on Jango outside of shipping context please grumble.

But thanks for reading, this isn't a lot but I recommend them all highly! And also ignore my old man grumbling, anybody who's been reading fic in a fandom for 10 years has a 'good old days'. The old days were not always good. So much Obikin.

#my writing #as usual ffn had more gen (yay!) of worse quality ( :( )#and ao3 has some pretty juicy stuff but way more jango/obi or what have you #meg do you have any sequel trilogy recs? no I do not

51 notes · View notes

silkgonerough · 3 years

Text

Astro Observation/Rants #3 (includes moral support for ppl with harsh aspects between their big 3)

🍰UNDERRATED ASPECT COMBO: Mercury sextile venus + mars when I tell you the amount of crazy situations I’ve talked my way out of and the amount of free things I’ve talked my way into is simply ridiculous.. The mixture of both I think gives someone a rlly nice and sweet way of talking but with a certain tact and persuasion with how their saying it if that makes sense? Which equals a real charmer in words but also someone very skilled in how to get what they want through what their saying. If you have this as well start using it to your advantage trust me it works!!!

☹️Does anyone else who has Pluto or Saturn on or aspecting the ascendant in a harsh aspect have an intense self awareness that kind of keeps them from doing certain things bc it gets to much be too much or you get too paranoid over what others will think of you?

😪Being a Sagittarius but with Saturn as my dominant/elevated planet is really not what I signed up for... I thought I was getting my fun carefree casual storyline but Saturn said it’s the struggle for me. RIP to young me who only looked at cookbook astrology and rlly thought I was doing something...

🙃Ppl who have their sun or ascendant squaring your own ascendant usually have habits or just certain things they do that tend to annoy you or make you judgemental in how they present themselves to the world and others around them. My virgo rising squares my moms sagittarius sun and I can’t take her anywhere 😕

🥵Venus square mars is so hot yet such a disaster in synastry😭 like maybe it’s because I attract relationships that tend to be as messy as something out of a Netflix original but I’m always so attracted to guys who’s venus’ square my mars... and then they open their mouths😪

📚If you know someone with mercury in an aspect to saturn compliment their intellect, writting skills or just knowledge in general!! Ppl with this aspect tend to feel insecure with being considered “smart” even if they really are! Most ppl I’ve met are able to articulate their thoughts rlly well and are like walking dictionaries almost? They way they talk when explaining definitions or concepts is also lowkey hot🥵maybe that’s just my Virgo rising talking tho...

💖Sun in any aspect to venus but especially the conjunct/trine as an aspect between two people is the official hype man aspect!! The venus person hypes the hell out of the sun person and vice versa!! Probs the loyal fan who’s always in your comment section😘I love this aspect sm tho you just love the entire being of the other person! one of my fave celebrities has her venus conjunct my sun and I am deeply in love with her🤪

😩WHEN WILL THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME ANYTHING OTHER THEN A DAMN PISCES ARIES OR LIBRA MAN ITS GETTING OLD give me my Scorpio or Capricorn man😭🙏 (except dont bc all of hell will break loose and it’ll be me invigoratingly opening the gates)

🌗If you have your sun in a harsh aspect to your moon (square or opposite) your childhood was probably not the most fun in the home life and you probably understood the harsh reality of marriage or just unhealthy relationships in general from the parents :/ the whole sun/moon inner conflict was also probs pretty prevalent and caused social issues with peers at school.. honestly such a sad aspect to have as a child bc everything’s so hard and you don’t understand why bc you don’t rlly understand yourself yet :( but once you grow into it and figure out how to balance your emotions/moon to your overall personality/sun one can become the strength where the other is weak and it creates a sort of wondrous enigma of a person and ppl can become rlly entranced in your personality! It’s called layers bitch😜

🤫Scorpio/Pluto in the 3rd house (I have both🤗) could be someone who has a lot of secretive hobbies or interests that they don’t share with a lot of ppl but may have a secret social media accounts for them👀 not the type to tell ppl if they like someone but the ppl who are close to them will catch on or honestly figure out just by asking them straight up bc once confronted we get all embarrassed and you can see it on our faces super easily! We love our mysteries, plot twist or literally anything that requires digging deeper or making theories when reading or watching something. No surface level shit here🙅‍♀️

💸Mars in 2nd house may have a shopping addiction or may be bad at saving money. They usually binge shop and are the types that went to a grocery store for more untensils and came back with a waffle maker and a bunch of baking supplies😅 stingy if you eat their food without permission... the type to freak out if they left their fave shirt at their friends house after a sleepover lol, probs has a thing for food and sex together or sex in a really luxurious place with candles and rose petals.. it’s go big or I’m going tf home with them. Have furniture in ur home their not fucking in a god damn roller rink🤣

🌟People with Mercury in Aquarius/aspecting Uranus seem to really like talking about scientific theories or futuristic concepts!! All the ones I’ve known have had really grand ideas and seem to like anything related to the mystical but also seemingly holds a lot of innovative undertones! One of my friends who has Mercury in Aquarius aspecting Neptune/Uranus has a thing for the Disney short films which honestly is like a mix of neptune and uranus in its art forms! I’ve always thought it was cute how eager she is to show me them☺️

🌊From what I’ve observed an aspect that can make someone kind of bad at confrontation or like vocalizing their feelings until it’s too late and their bursting like a freaking geyser is Pisces mars. It doesn’t rlly take a lot to have them feeling some sort of way either with or without a valid reason (this is just an observation from the ones I’ve seen I don’t want to generalize!!) but the way they get angry is like a baby’s tempter tantrum and because I’m a Sagittarius I can always see thru the bullshit and I’m like is anyone else seeing this? I think overall besides Scorpio having a water mars signs is exceptionally hard so I cut them some slack but at what cost😫

🤤Mars conjunct Jupiter people are yummy. The men and women both are so hot and the men are always exuding big dick energy and usually thats what their giving👀

🌎All my big 3 create harsh aspects to one another (sun square moon, moon opposite ascendant, ascendant square sun) I honestly don’t know how I made it this far without literally exploding from tension but to anyone with these I guess my advice would be to refrain from taking things too personally bc it’s usually never that serious we’re just already a bit insecure in ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world! Your perception of how others view you vs how they actually do are usually very different in a good way but we tend to self sabotage ourselves into acting the way we think others want us to! I think having so many conflictive yet different sides of yourself creates a very influential character. It’s kind of like living in many completely different places throughout your life. The change is always hard and you don’t always feel secure but your experience and perception on things are really unique and you can offer other ppl a whole new perspective on who they are bc you yourself are always looking through the world through conflicting yet contrasting lenses.

#natal aspects #natal astrology #astro chart #astro rant #astro culture #astro observations #astrology #natal

405 notes · View notes

yandere-daydreams · 3 years

Note

I can’t sleep, so... A darling who hates feeling tied down, abandoning endless cities and towns because they just don’t belong anywhere. A yandere who has lived in their hometown all their life and can’t imagine not wanting to stay, to belong, and tries to get their new neighbor to see things the same way. Kind of like a cheesy rom-com except the darling can’t fight the urge to leave when the townsfolk get too chummy with them, and they almost escape until those same townsfolk block the way out. Turns out the yan is more influential around here than the darling thought, and word gets around fast in small towns.

tw - implied imprisonment, stalking, non-consensual touching, isolation, implied past kidnapping, obsessive mindsets.

I think it’d help if the darling in-question was extroverted, by nature. Not overly personal, sure, and definitely not the type to stick around any longer than you have to, but friendly, sociable, the kind that doesn’t do well on your own, even if you don’t let yourself rely on the kindness of strangers. It’s needless to say that, when faced with the iron-clad bias of a small town, you’re bound to get attached to the first person who shows you a smile, even if it’s a little too wide to just be friendly.

It’s not like you’re afraid of commitment, and you don’t have some dark, twisted, gory past you’re running from, either. You just like to move around, and you’ve molded a life for yourself that allows that. It doesn’t matter if it’s a city or a town, if its population is in the millions or the hundred, you want to see it, you want to drain it dry of all the experience it has to offer, and you figured this place wouldn’t be any different - a village in the mountains, one on the smaller side, no different than the other hundred you’ve been to since you started wandering. It’s a nice place, too, quiet and scenic, even if the closest thing to an apartment you can find is some stranger’s spare room. You just... You’d prefer it if the townspeople were a little nicer, a little more open, a little less prone to avert their eyes and go silent when you walked by. You’ve seen it before, but it’s never been so thinly-veiled. You’ve never felt so isolated. You’ve never felt like such an outsider, even if you know they have every right to treat you like one.

At least your makeshift ‘landlord’ is friendly enough, in comparison. They’re still reserved, obviously, as much a victim of their hometown as you are, but they’re willing to talk to you, willing to tell you where to see the sights, willing to take you out for a drink, even if the most lively place to do so is still the local dive-bar. They’re kind, they’re friendly, and that alone is enough to make you overlook their worse learned-tendencies. They’re just a product of their environment, a nagging trait that becomes damn-near unignorable when you’re trapped on the wrong side of a corner booth, your host dropped over your side as they talk about how boring it is here, about how lonely they are, about how much they wish they had someone to come home to, someone to spend their time with, someone to love that hasn’t been trapped in this town for quite as long as they have. It’s annoying, obviously, but you brush it off. If you wanted to linger on something, you’d let yourself think about how tightly they hold your hand as they drag you through the village, how childish their praise is whenever they find you cooking or cleaning or working on some menial chore, how well-used their guest room is, like they’ve done this before, like you’re not the first guest they’ve treated so... whole-heartedly. It’s concerning. It’s downright creepy. By the time they bring up the ‘security cameras’ you might find spotted around your bedroom, you can’t even bring yourself to be surprised. Angry, sure, disturbed, but not surprised.

But, it doesn’t matter. You’ve already got your next place lined up, a proper rental that’s far, far away from your current stop, and you've already told your host you’re thinking about ending your little trip early. You’re leaving, sooner rather than later, and in a few weeks, you’ll never have to think about this little misadventure again. You’ll never have to think about them again, or all the domestic fantasies they’re willing to force onto whatever living, breathing human being they lure into their home.

It’s not like they can force you to stay, after all.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere prompts #yandere theory #general

180 notes · View notes

ablogcalledrevenge · 2 years

Text

39 and a ½ Weeks (a Spellbound Side Story)

The new school year at Hogwarts brings many changes for the students and staff. Most notably for Librarian Armitage Hux and History of Magic Professor Eleanor Borak, as they embark on a new direction for their family. There will be ups and downs, magical duels, Halloween balls, meddling students, new and old love, aches and pains, hilarious jokes, and far too many people trying to touch Ellie’s growing stomach. (RATED T)

Chapter 2: October (Read on AO3 here)

Eleanor Borak was pretty damn good at keeping secrets. She loved to gossip, sure, but she knew when to keep her mouth shut. But this secret, this was probably the most difficult one she ever had to keep. She’d told no one, not even Hux. Mostly because she wanted to be absolutely sure and not disappoint him. But also because, and this was a tiny part, she was afraid he wouldn’t want it anymore. Having children changed your whole life and maybe Hux wouldn’t want his life to change like that.

Ellie had always wanted children, she’d never hidden that desire, and Hux had always seemed more than amenable to the concept. But that was also before. Before he and Kylo went too far and almost ended up dead. Before Ellie couldn’t take it anymore and left. Before the horrible uncertainty about whether their marriage could survive before Hux came back to her.

Maybe the only reason Hux was fine with the idea of children was because that’s what influential people did. They got married and had kids and became an example of the perfect Wizarding family. After all, had her husband’s plans to take over the Ministry succeeded, they’d be wealthier and more powerful than ever; she could always hire a nanny to help.

So now, maybe things were different. She’d never actually asked. They had good jobs, yes, with both of them contributing to the finances. But a professor’s and librarian’s salaries combined were still less than a Minister for Magic’s. Or Supreme Ruler of All, or whatever silly title her husband would have chosen.

They had less money now, and a little less space. They were both busy, taking care of other people’s children and helping them grow and become good people. Maybe Hux didn’t want to be a father anymore.

Regardless of what her husband felt, Eleanor still needed to know before she did anything. She’d find out if she actually was pregnant and then she’d worry about Hux.

While she knew that no one knew, that no one could tell, Ellie still felt like every person she passed on the way to the Infirmary could read her mind and tell her secret. There were members of the staff who were Legilimens, but thankfully no students were. So she kept to her office and classroom as long as she could, excited and terrified to know the truth. If her students could tell she was out of sorts, they kept their thoughts to themselves, and they let her bolt out of the room the second lessons were done.

The Infirmary was quiet today, bright light coming through the tall windows and providing long patches of warm air as you walked through. The smell of medicinal herbs and clean linen permeated the air. A Ravenclaw girl sat in a bed looking miserable, but she perked up a little as Ellie passed.

“Professor Borak, what are you doing here?” She asked loudly. Eleanor flushed and laughed.

“I should ask the same of you. What’s wrong Poppy? Did you get hit by a jinx again?” She asked with exasperation, neatly avoiding the original question. Poppy shook her head.

“No, I just haven’t been feeling well. I’ve been sneezing and coughing all morning. No jinxes.” She replied with a bit of cheer. That was good at least. A few weeks ago, poor Poppy had gotten into the crossfire of a couple of dueling Gryffindors and she had to be sent to the Infirmary with hives erupting all over her body. It was an easy fix but Ellie still worried.

Ellie wished her a speedy recovery and said her goodbyes, knocking on the door of the Head Nurse, Maz Kanata. She entered and quickly closed the door behind her, just in case.

“Hello Eleanor, how are you?” Maz asked, putting down her quill. Her eyes behind their large frames blinked owlishly up at her, and gave Ellie the distinct impression that she was being looked through instead of just at.

“I’m fine Maz, thank you. I’m actually here because I need some ingredients for a potion. Normally I’d ask Kylo for them but I’m afraid he’d put two and two together and figure out what I’m doing.” Ellie said, wringing her hands behind her back. Maz raised an eyebrow.

“Well, what are you doing? What kind of potion are you trying to make?”

Ellie paused for a moment. She could trust Maz, she knew she could, and it would be so nice to finally tell someone. While the nurse wouldn’t be her actual healer for the pregnancy, it would be good to have the older woman aware of the situation.

“I think I’m pregnant.” She whispered, a smile spreading on her face. Maz gasped and quickly walked up to Ellie.

“Really? Oh Eleanor, that’s wonderful! Yes, I can get that for you right away. Hold on, let me check my stores.” The old woman said, leaving her office to check the various cabinets around the infirmary. Ellie followed her out, noting with relief that Poppy was asleep in her bed.

Maz puttered around, talking to herself and putting ingredients in a bag for Ellie. She would debate between two things before choosing one and literally tossing the other over her shoulder. Ellie followed her around, levitating things back where they belonged and cleaning up spills.

“Here you are dear, I put the notes in there as well for you. Let me know how it goes.” The nurse said with a wink, handing Ellie a bag. Giving Maz a brief but tight hug, Ellie said her thanks and waved goodbye before running back to her apartment. If anyone was puzzled by her behavior as she sprinted through the halls, they didn’t say anything.

With her classes all done for the day, but students still needing places to work, she had the space to herself. Hux would be at the library until later. She could make the potion, clean up from said potion, and still have time to get dinner ready for the big reveal.

It wasn’t difficult to make, all things considered. Just the basic “add ingredient and stir”. The fire simmered quietly under the cauldron as Ellie chopped up the rabbit liver and dropped it in. After a few more stirs, the potion turned clear like a mirror and Ellie grabbed the small paring knife she’d taken from the kitchen. Carefully pressing the tip against her finger, she let a few drops of blood fall into the brew. The potion remained clear for a few more seconds and Ellie held her breath.

If she was pregnant, the potion would turn green. If not, it would remain clear. Her life could change, or it might not.

Time slowed down and the breath caught in her throat as she watched the potion, her eyes unblinking at the surface. She could hear her heartbeat echo in her ears as the potion went cloudy. Then… it turned green.

“Green. It’s green. I’m pregnant! It’s green, I’m pregnant!” Ellie breathed out, jumping up from her seat. She turned towards the only other living soul in the apartment; Hux’s barn owl Millicent, and squealed.

“Oh Millie, can you believe it! I’m pregnant, it finally happened! This is wonderful!” She told the owl, who opened one eye and bristled up before going back to sleep. Eleanor tutted in affection and left the owl to her rest.

She felt full of energy with nowhere for it to go. She spun in a circle in the living room, her robe fanning out a little by her knees, as she fully embraced her joy. There was so much they’d have to do to get ready and all of it was exciting.

But first, cleaning and starting dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The teachers and staff at Hogwarts only had one option when it came to lodging. Since apparition was forbidden on school grounds, most of the staff had apartments in the castle itself. The quarters were well appointed and suited for each professor or couple, if the professor had a spouse. While they weren’t as fancy or large as the estate Hux grew up in or dreamed of having, he was quite happy with his arrangements. To be honest he would’ve taken a shack on the edge of the Forbidden Forest if it meant Ellie was there with him.

“Eleanor, I’m home. Ellie? Where are you?” Hux called out as he entered the apartment, hanging his robe up on a hook in their little foyer. He searched for a moment, looking for his wife, when he finally entered their dining room. There she was, standing by the table, and looking beautiful as ever. She was wearing a pale green day dress with fluttery sleeves that gathered closer to her natural waist, as was the changing fashion of the time. Hux cared very little for fashion, especially Muggle design, but Ellie liked it so he developed a good eye.

The table was set with candles burning, and the smell of hearty flavors touched his nose as he approached. He held his hands up in confusion. Was tonight an anniversary he forgot? Normally they ate in the Great Hall with everyone, so this must be something special.

“Welcome home Professor Hux.” Ellie said quietly as he embraced her and kissed her. She pulled away reluctantly and pushed him towards his chair.

“What’s all this? Are we celebrating something?” He asked and all he got in response was a mischievous smile. He gave her a calculating look right back but sat down to eat. They spoke of their days and how their students were doing but Ellie was fidgeting the entire time, dying to tell Hux the truth.

Hux lit a cigarette and left the table, while Ellie mixed some after dinner drinks for them. He sat down in the large armchair in their sitting room, holding his arms open for his wife to join him. She did so happily, handing him a cocktail and taking a sip of her own.

“Darling, are you happy?” Eleanor asked suddenly, resting her head on Hux’s shoulder.

“Of course I am. My life may not have been what I imagined but I’d say I’m happy with it. We have our jobs, our friends, what else do we need?” He said with a shrug. Ellie frowned and rubbed her hand up and down Hux’s chest in a soothing motion.

“But don’t you think it’s time for a change? You know, something new?”

“What’s there to change? Our life might not be as exciting as it once was, but I think that’s for the best. I like the simplicity we have here. We have everyone right here with us, a perfect little family. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want that to change.” Hux said again, a note of hesitance in his voice. Ellie was getting at something, but he didn’t know what. It felt like a trap.

Eleanor got off his lap and started pacing around the sitting room. Hix set down his cigarette and watched her with a raised eyebrow.

“Darling I know what you mean. I love our life, I love that we got to this point. I love our families and our friends and everything that we’ve built together. But there’s something I’ve wanted for a very long time, something that you wanted too, but now I’m not sure. Our lives are so different from when we started, maybe you don’t want it anymore.” She stammered out. Hux got up from the chair and approached her, taking her hands to stop them from twisting around and around.

“Maybe you should tell me what it is I apparently wanted and then stopped wanting so we can get to the bottom of this. Because to be honest my dear, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Ellie took a deep breath and relaxed a little, her shoulders dropping their tension. Then she gave him a look of so much love and hope that it knocked him back a step.

“Tige, I’m pregnant.”

There was a pause where no one spoke. The words were out in the open air and all was silent. Then Hux let out a breath and stepped closer to Eleanor again.

“Really? You’re pregnant?” He asked, his voice quiet and shaky. All she could do was nod and start to cry. Hux raised his hands to wipe away the tears, a soft smile on his face.

“Kitten, that’s wonderful! Why wouldn’t I want that? Merlin knows we’ve certainly been trying hard enough.”

“Because you seemed so happy with the way everything was and it’s been so long since we even talked about children, I thought you might have changed your mind. I was so happy and I wanted you to be happy too but I wasn’t sure and so I got nervous.” Ellie rambles out while Hux pulls her into a hug.

“Anything that makes you happy, makes me happy. It’s as simple as that. I never stopped wanting to have kids but I also realized that we’re older than we were and things were good and quiet. Maybe kids just weren’t in the cards for us. But clearly this is happening and we’re doing this and it’s amazing!” Hux said, kissing Ellie’s face between sentences and sounding almost choked up.

Ellie laughed in between ecstatic kisses, and let Hux pull her back down into his lap in the big armchair. He picked up his cigarette again and took a long drag.

“A baby, good lord, this is going to be interesting. And once everyone finds out, it’s going to get even crazier.” He said quietly, rubbing his hand up and down Ellie’s back. Gently, she grabbed his hand and brought it around to rest on her lower stomach.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Stay Tuned for Chapter Three!

For @babbushka

#spellbound #spellbound au #hogwarts au #hux x reader #star wars fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #hux x oc #armitage hux x oc #writing #fanfiction #my writing #original character fanfiction

8 notes · View notes

destiny-smasher · 3 years

Text

Life is Strange: True Colors

Leading up to the release of Episode 1 of TellTale's The Walking Dead game, I was working freelance for GameRevolution at the time, lived in the area, and had the chance to play a build of the game to write a preview on it. I remember comparing it to Mass Effect because, at the time, there just...weren't games of that subgenre. Of course, by now we've seen an explosion of this type of game - the 'narrative/choice-driven game,' spearheaded and even oversaturated by Telltale to their own demise.

Out of all of the games that have come from that initial boom, Life is Strange by DontNod was and still is the most influential on my life, but I also have always harbored really conflicted feelings about it - especially with how it resolved its narrative. Hell, if you're reading this, you're probably aware that I spent a few years of my life creating a sequel fanstory which I even adapted a chunk of into visual novel format. Hundreds of thousands of words, days and days of life spent essentially trying to process and reconcile my conflicted feelings about this game's conclusion(s). Since then, I've been experimenting with interactive fiction and am currently developing my own original visual novel using everything I've learned from both creating and playing games in this genre. It's a subgenre of game I have a lot of interest and passion for because, when handled well, it can allow a player to sort of co-direct a guided narrative experience in a way that's unique compared to strictly linear cinematic experiences but still have a curated, focused sense of story.

Up until this point, I've regarded Night in the Woods as probably the singular best game of this style, with others like Oxenfree and The Wolf Among Us as other high marks. I've never actually put any Life is Strange game quite up there - none of them have reached that benchmark for me, personally. Until now, anyway.

But now, I can finally add a new game to that top tier, cream of the crop list. Life is Strange: True Colors is just damn good. I'm an incredibly critical person as it is - and that critique usually comes from a place of love - so you can imagine this series has been really hard to for me given that I love it, and yet have never truly loved any actual full entry in it. I have so many personal issues, quibbles, qualms, and frustration with Life is Strange: with every individual game, with how it has been handled by its publisher (my biggest issue at this point, actually), with how it has seemingly been taken away from its original development studio, with how it chooses to resolve its narratives...

But with True Colors, all of those issues get brushed aside long enough for me to appreciate just how fucking well designed it is for this style of game. I can appreciate how the development team, while still clearly being 'indie' compared to other dev teams working under Square-Enix, were able to make such smart decisions in how to design and execute this game. Taken on its own merits, apart from its branding, True Colors is absolutely worth playing if you enjoy these 'telltale' style games. Compared to the rest of the series, I would argue it's the best one so far, easily. I had a lot of misgivings and doubts going in, and in retrospect, those are mostly Square-Enix's fault. Deck Nine, when given the freedom to make their own original game in the same vein as the previous three, fucking nailed it as much as I feel like they could, given the kinds of limitations I presume they were working within.

I'm someone who agonizes every single time there is news for Life is Strange as a series - someone who essentially had to drop out of the fandom over infighting, then dropped out of even being exposed to the official social media channels for it later on (I specifically have the Square-Enix controlled channels muted). I adore Max and Chloe, and as a duo, as a couple, they are one of my top favorites not just in gaming, but in general. They elevated the original game to be something more than the sum of its parts for me. And while I have enjoyed seeing what DontNod has made since, it's always been their attention to detail in environmental craftsmanship, in tone and atmosphere, which has caught my interest. They're good at creating characters with layers, but imo they've never nailed a narrative arc. They've never really hit that sweet spot that makes a story truly resonate with me. Deck Nine's previous outing, Before the Storm, was all over the place, trying to mimic DontNod while trying to do its own things - trying to dig deeper into concepts DontNod deliberately left open for interpretation while also being limited in what it could do as a prequel.

But with True Colors, those awkward shackles are (mostly) off. They have told their own original story, keeping in tone and concept with previous Life is Strange games, and yet this also feels distinctly different in other ways.

Yes, protagonist Alex Chen is older than previous characters, and most of the characters in True Colors are young adults, as opposed to teenagers. Yes, she has a supernatural ability. And yes, the game is essentially a linear story with some freedom in how much to poke around at the environment and interact with objects/characters, with the primary mechanic being making choices which influence elements of how the story plays out. None of this is new to the genre, or even Life is Strange. But the execution was clearly planned out, focused, and designed with more caution and care than games like this typically get.

A smaller dev team working with a budget has to make calls on how to allocate that budget. With True Colors, you will experience much fewer locales and environments than you will in Life is Strange 2. Fewer locations than even Life is Strange 1, by my count. But this reinforces the game's theming. I suspect the biggest hit to the game's budget was investing in its voice acting (nothing new for this series) but specifically in the motion capture and facial animation.

You have a game about a protagonist trying to fit in to a small, tightly knit community. She can read the aura of people's emotions and even read their minds a little. And the game's budget and design take full advantage of this. You spend your time in a small main street/park area, a handful of indoor shops, your single room apartment. It fits within a tighter budget, but it reinforces the themes the game is going for. Your interactions with characters are heightened with subtle facial cues and microexpressions, which also reinforces the mechanic and theming regarding reading, accepting, and processing emotions. And you get to make some choices that influence elements of this - influenced by the town, influenced by the emotions of those around you, which reinforce the main plot of trying to navigate a new life in a small town community.

When I think about these types of games, the conclusion is always a big deal. In a way, it shouldn't be, because I usually feel it's about the journey, not the destination. And as an example, I actually really dislike the ending of the original Life is Strange. I think it's a lot of bullshit in many ways. The setpiece is amazing and epic, sure, but the actual storytelling going on is...really hollow for me. Yes, the game does subtly foreshadow in a number of ways that this is the big choice it's leading up to, but the game never actually makes sense of it. And the problem is, if your experience is going to end on a big ol' THIS or THAT kind of moment, it needs to make sense or the whole thing will fall apart as soon as the credits are rolling and the audience spends a moment to think about what just happened. When you look at the end of Season 1 of Telltale's The Walking Dead, it's not powerful just because of what choice you're given, but because through the entire final episode, we know the stakes - we know what is going to ultimately happen, and we know the end of the story is fast approaching. All of the cards are on the table by the time we get to that final scene, and it works so well because we know why it's happening, and it is an appropriate thematic climax that embodies the theming of the entire season. It works mechanically, narratively, and thematically, and 'just makes sense.'

The ending of Life is Strange 1 doesn't do that, if you ask me. The ending of most games in this genre don't really hit that mark. When I get to the end of most game 'seasons' like this, even ones I enjoy, I'm typically left frustrated, confused, and empty in a way.

The ending of True Colors, on the other hand, nails everything it needs to. Handily, when compared to its peers.

If you're somehow reading this and have not played this game but intend to, now is probably where you should duck out, as I will be

discussing SPOILERS from the entire game, specifically the finale.

Firstly, since I don't know where else to put this, some criticisms I found with the game. And honestly, they're all pretty damn minor compared to most games of this type.

Mainly, I just wish the whole Typhon thing was handled a bit more deliberately. It's a bit weird to do the 'big evil corporation' thing (especially when a big corporation like Square Enix occupies as much as or even more of the credits to this game than the people who actually MADE it?) without offering more explanation and subtlety. The game certainly makes some efforts but they're mostly small and mostly optional, like background chatter or a handful of one-off bits of documentation/etc. you can find in the environment. I feel like Diane in particular needed to be fleshed out just a little bit more to really sell us on how and why things like this happen, why corporations make decisions that cost people their happiness, security, and lives and they just get to keep on doing it. I think just a little bit that is unavoidable to the player that puts emphasis on maybe how much the town relies on the money/resources Typhon provides would've helped. Again, this is minor, but it stands out when I have so little else to critique.

I would've liked to get more insight on why Jed is the way he is. No, I don't think we really needed to learn more about his backstory, or even really his motivations. I think we get enough of that. I just think it would've been great to somehow highlight more deliberately how/why he's built up this identity overtop of what he's trying to suppress. Maybe even just having Alex internally realize, "Wait, what the hell, Jed has been hiding these emotions and my powers haven't picked up on it?" or something to that effect could have added an extra oomph to highlight how Jed seems to be coping with his emotions by masking/suppressing them. Also really minor complaint, but again...there's not much else here I can think to really improve on within the confines of what's in the game.

The game doesn't really call Alex's power into question morally. Like. Max has an entire meltdown by the end of her story, second-guessing if she's even helped anyone at all, if she has 'the right' to do so, how her powers might be affecting or expressing her own humanity and flaws...this story doesn't really get into that despite a very similar concept of manipulating others. There's like one bit in a document you can choose to read in Alex's 'nightmare' scene, but that's really it. I feel like this sentiment and how it's executed could have easily been expanded upon in just this one scene to capture what made that Max/Other Max scene do what it did in a way that would address the moral grayness of Alex's powers and how she uses them, and give players a way to express their interpretation of that. Also, very small deal, just another tidbit I would've liked to see.

When I first watched my wife play through Episode 5 (I watched her play through the game first, then I played it myself), I wasn't really feeling the surreal dreamscape stuff of Alex's flashbacks - which is weird, because if you're read my work from the past few years, you'll know I usually love that sort of shit. I think what was throwing me off was that it didn't really feel like it was tying together what the game was about up until that point, and felt almost like it was just copying what Life is Strange did with Max's nightmare sequence (minus the best part of that sequence, imo, where Max literally talks to herself).

But by the time I had seen the rest of the story, and re-experienced it myself, I think it clicked better. This is primarily a story about Alex Chen trying to build a new life for herself in a new community - a small town, a tightly knit place. Those flashbacks are specifically about Alex's past, something we only get teeny tiny tidbits of, and only really if we go looking for them. I realized after I gave myself a few days to process and play through the game myself that this was still a fantastic choice because it reinforces the plot reasons why Alex is even in the town she's in (because her father went there, and her brother in turn went there looking for him), and it reinforces the theme of Alex coming to accept her own emotions and confront them (as expressed through how the flashbacks are played out and the discussions she has with the image of Gabe in her mind, which is really just...another part of herself trying to get her to process things).

By the time Alex escapes the mines and returns to the Black Lantern, all of the cards are on the table. By that point, we as the audience know everything we need to. Everything makes sense - aside from arguably why Jed has done what he has done, but put a pin in that for a sec. We may not know why Alex has the powers she does, but we have at least been given context for how they manifested - as a coping mechanism of living a life inbetween the cracks of society, an unstable youth after her family fell apart around her (and oof, trust me, I can relate with this in some degree, though not in exactly the same ways). And unlike Max's Rewind power, the story and plot doesn't put this to Alex's throat, like it's all on her to make some big choice because she is the way she is, or like she's done something wrong by pursuing what she cares about (in this case, the truth, closure, and understanding).

When Alex confronts Jed in front of all of the primary supporting characters, it does everything it needs to.

Mechanically: it gives players choices for how to express their interpretation of events, and how Alex is processing them; it also, even more importantly, uses the 'council' as a way of expressing how the other characters have reacted to the choices the player has made throughout the game, and contributes to how this climax feels. We're given a 'big choice' at the end of the interaction that doesn't actually change the plot, or even the scene, really (it just affects like one line of dialogue Alex says right then) and yet BOTH choices work so well as a conclusion, it's literally up to your interpretation and it gives you an in-game way to express that.

Thematically: the use of the council reinforces the game's focus on community; and the way the presentation of the scene stays locked in on Alex and Jed's expressions reinforces its focus on emotion - not to mention that the entire scene also acts as a way to showcase how Alex has come to accept, understand, and process her own emotions while Jed, even THEN, right fucking at the moment of his demise, is trying to mask his emotions, to hide them and suppress them and forget them (something the game has already expressed subtly by way of his negative emotions which would give him away NOT being visible to Alex even despite her power).

Narratively: we are given a confrontation that makes sense and feels edifying to see play out after everything we've experienced and learned. We see Alex use her powers in a new and exciting way that further builds the empowering mood the climax is going for and adds a cinematic drama to it. No matter what decisions the player makes, Alex has agency in her own climax, we experience her making a decision, using her power, asserting herself now that she has gone through the growth this narrative has put her through. Alex gets to resolve her shit, gets to have her moment to really shine and experience the end of a character arc in this narrative.

Without taking extra time to design the game around these pillars, the finale wouldn't be so strong. If they didn't give us enough opportunities to interact with the townspeople, their presence in the end wouldn't matter, but everyone who has a say in the council is someone we get an entire scene (at least one) dedicated to interacting with them and their emotions. If they didn't implement choices in the scene itself, it would still be powerful but we wouldn't feel as involved, it'd be more passive. If they didn't showcase Alex's power, we might be left underwhelmed, but they do so in a way that actually works in the context through how they have chosen to present it, while also just tonally heightening the climax by having this drastic lighting going on. If they didn't have the council involved, we'd lose the theming of community. If they didn't have the foil of Alex/Jed and how they have each processed their emotions, we'd miss that key component. And if we didn't have such detailed facial animations, the presentation just wouldn't be as effective.

Ryan/Steph are a little bit like, in this awkward sideline spot during the climax? Steph always supports you, and Ryan supports you or doubts you conditionally, which is unsurprising but also ties into the themes of Ryan having grown up woven into this community, and Steph being once an outsider who has found a place within it. They're still there, either way, which is important. The only relevant characters who aren't present are more supporting characters like Riley, Ethan, and Mac. Ethan being the only one of those who gets an entire 'super emotions' scene, but that also marks the end of his arc and role in the story, so...it's fine. Mac and Riley are less important and younger, as well, and have their own side story stuff you have more direct influence on, too.

But damn, ya'll, this climax just works so well. It especially stands out to me given just how rarely I experience a conclusion/climax that feels this rewarding.

And then after that we get a wonderful montage of a theoretical life Alex might live on to experience. Her actions don't overthrow a conglomerate billionaire company. She doesn't even save a town, really. If the entire council thinks you're full of shit, Jed still confesses either way - because it's not up to the council whether he does this, it's because of Alex, regardless of player choice. Honestly, even after a playthrough where I made most choices differently from my wife, there weren't really many changes to that montage at the end. It'd have been great if it felt more meaningfully different, but maybe it can be. Even if not, the design intent is there and the execution still works. It's a really nice way to end the story, especially since it's not even a literal montage but one Alex imagines - again, her processing what she's gone through, what she desires, expressed externally for us to see it. And for once, the actual final 'big decision' in a game of this type manages to be organic, make sense, and feel good and appropriate either way. You choose to either have Alex stay in Haven Springs and continue building her life there, or you can choose to have her leave and try to be an indie musician, with the events of the game being yet another chunk of her life to deal with and move on from (I haven't really touched on it, but music, especially as a way to express and process emotions, is a recurring thing, much like photography was in the original game, or Sean's illustrations in LiS2). For once, a climactic 'pick your ending' decision that doesn't feel shitty. It's pretty rare for this genre, honestly.

I could - and already have, and likely will - have so much more to say about this game and its details, but I really wanted to focus on touching upon a main element that has left me impressed: the way the entire game feels designed. It feels intentionally constructed but in a way that reinforces what it is trying to express as a story. It's not just trying to make people cry for the sake of 'emotions.' It is a game literally about emotions and it comes to a conclusion in a way that is clearly saying something positive and empowering about empathy and self-acceptance.

Storytelling is a craft, like any other, and it entails deliberate choices and decisions that can objectively contribute to how effective a story is for its intended audience.

A good story isn't something you find, after all.

It's something you build.

#Life is Strange True Colors #Life is Strange #Haven Springs #alex chen #lis true colors

18 notes · View notes

fandom-necromancer · 3 years

Text

Brothers take care of each others

This was prompted by an amazing anon! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 | Character: Elijah Kamski

The ceiling above him was still clad in total darkness, the sky outside the window turning light blue only at the horizon and stars sparkling peacefully. It was an hour that demanded everyone to stay in bed and get a couple hours’ worth of sleep. Yet Gavin laid in his bed and stared up at his ceiling unable to fall asleep ever since the call of ‘Hah, it worked!’ had woken him up ten minutes to four o’clock. Since then he tried to ignore the distant sounds of tools clattering to the floor. One thing was for sure: Sleeping over these noises was far easier than falling asleep to them. he cursed, looking at his alarm that read 4:30 completely indifferent to what that time meant for Gavin. He sighed deeply. There was no use staying under the sheets any longer, he was awake now. Might as well stand up.

Not bothering with any clothes other than the boxer shorts and the loose old T-shirt he had slept with, he opened the door and yawned heartily on his way to the bathroom. ‘Oh, you are awake!’ Gavin’s lids fell in resignation, as he showed his brother the middle finger and continued walking towards the bathroom without even looking at him. Ten minutes later, he had splashed some water in his face and had readied himself for another day. Sort of. He had zero interest in trimming his stubble and trying to hide the dark rings under his eyes was of no use either. At least he felt ready to deal with his brother now.

‘Morning’, he hummed as he entered the living room, stifling yet another yawn. ‘Good morning indeed.’ ‘Says you’, Gavin commented. ‘I didn’t phcking asked to be woken up at four.’ ‘Sorry. Forgot you’re not a morning person.’ ‘Nah, I’m normal, other than you’, he huffed. ‘Okay, I need a coffee now.’ ‘Perfect! Then you can already try out my improvements!’ Gavin stopped in the middle of the kitchen. ‘Improvements?’

‘Yes! I hooked up your coffee machine with the internet! It is now able to import recipes for any kind of coffee you might like and start brewing it – if you have given it the right ingredients of course.’ Gavin looked at Elijah with a face that expressed to equal measures pain and frustration. ‘And what about a regular damn coffee, like I always make it?’ ‘I called that program a “phcking” coffee’, Elijah mocked him, tapping at the display hastily attached to the machine. Gavin watched how his favourite mug filled with his life saving drink and sighed. ‘Oh, the wonders of technology…’ ‘Oh, then you will love what I did to your microwave!’

Gavin groaned, sipping on his coffee instead of commenting. It had only been three days so far and already Elijah had “improved” half of the technology he had in the house. He would have told him to stop, but as long as Elijah was busy tinkering with his stuff, he wouldn’t become bored. And if Gavin remembered one thing from his childhood, then he knew that was about the worst state one could meet his brother in. Even with Elijah no longer being part of Cyberlife, he was still an influential and rather public person. His latest talk about the autonomy of androids had had quiet the impact, especially in the anti-android community, as they had looked up to him as the creator of these “supposedly alive” machines. It shouldn’t have surprised Eli as much as it had that afterwards, people would come to him with their hate. But since someone had broken into his heavily secured house and had killed one of the Chloes without leaving as much as a trace, his home was an active crime-scene and it was either a hotel room or Gavin’s apartment for the man.

Elijah, curious as ever, had of course taken the latter, if not to spy on police investigation, then to spend a few weeks with his brother he hadn’t seen in ages. Not that Gavin really could complain - it was fun having him around. But he was also a usually very private person and Elijah’s constant energy had quickly started getting on his nerves.

‘And? When will you drive to work today?’, Elijah asked. ‘Still time for breakfast?’ Gavin sighed. ‘Yeah, sure. Want some toast? Don’t think I have much-‘ ‘I want to come with you.’ That made even sleep deprived Gavin suddenly attentive. ‘What?’ ‘To your workplace’, Eli explained. ‘I could find out more about the status of the investigation of my home. Also, I could finally see for myself who that certain android is you put an eye on!’ ‘I don’t- Elijah, you can’t just stay at the station. You are a civilian! I will keep you updated.’ ‘I’m also one of the richest men in the world. I doubt anyone would want to stop me.’ ‘I- Elijah, you still can’t-‘ ‘Come on!’, the man just talked over him. ‘It will be fun! I’ll drive us.’ Unable to stop his brother storming out of the flat with the keys, Gavin sighed, downed the rest of his coffee and hastily got dressed. That would be the worst day of his work life for sure.

‘So this is where you work. Interesting.’ ‘You’ve been here before’, Gavin grumbled, not really sure if he was more tired or more embarrassed at the moment. ‘Promise me you’ll leave me alone for at least the first hour, okay? I seriously have to get some stuff done.’ ‘Oh, of course!’ But despite his words, Elijah followed him to his desk. Gavin decided to ignore him in favour of starting up his terminal, but Nines had never been the one to hide what he was thinking: ‘Mr. Kamski? What are you doing here?’ ‘Oh, you must be Nines! I’m just accompanying my brother to work. Wanted to take a look at the place he keeps complaining about.’ ‘You can’t be here.’ ‘Well, but I am, am I not?’ ‘That… That really isn’t a valid argument.’ ‘Listen, Nines. How about instead of talking about something you can’t change anyways, you show me around a bit?’ Nines looked at Gavin for help, but it was his partner’s silent pleading him to “yes, please, get him away from me” that let him cave in. ‘Okay, but I can’t show you everything.’

Gavin watched them walk off and praised the blissful silence. He concentrated on the screen in front of him, knowing he had to finish all the important work now before Eli would come back and annoy him further. He loved his brother. But some distance was clearly needed after all these years. He actually managed to answer his mails and find himself back into his case, reviewing evidence and the first lab results that had come in regarding blood analysis and genetic information about the murderer. Then Nines and Elijah came back. Gavin saw him passing Fowler’s glass cube and his heart sunk. But then the door opened.

‘What the hell is Kamski doing here?’, the Captain shouted in the room, effectively silencing any conversations. ‘I wanted to take a look around’, Elijah simply answered. Fowler looked at him as if he had just lost his mind. ‘This is a police station! Not some kind of tourist attraction! You can’t be here.’ Every other person would have long apologised and run for their life with Fowler this angry, but Elijah stood his ground and smiled. ‘And you can’t make my brother work his ass off like a Lieutenant and still pay him Detective money, especially after his recent achievements, yet here we both are.’ In over eighteen years of working in this precinct, Gavin had never seen Fowler speechless. The man stared at Elijah, who smiled at him in all confidence, while most of the officers in the precinct seemed ready to duck behind their tables.

‘Leave’, was all the Captain pressed out. ‘Now.’ ‘Alright, don’t want any trouble.’ Elijah grinned, winked at Nines and made his way over to the door. ‘Gonna pick you up later, bro!’ Gavin didn’t give him any answer as he knit his brows and rubbed his forehead. Too little sleep, too much early morning conversation, too little coffee and now the whole precinct’s attention. Great. He just wanted to get his work done, get home and sleep. And exactly that he was going to do.

Until his break began and Nines approached him. With a sigh of regret, Gavin turned around and waited. ‘Is it true?’ ‘Is what true, tin-can? I had a really shitty day so far and I still can’t read minds.’ Nines shifted his weight on his other leg and continued: ‘Your brother… When I led him through the building, he told me you had a crush on me.’ Thinking about everything that could have happened today, Gavin certainly hadn’t expected that.

‘This asshole! I will phcking kill him, I swear!’ ‘So… It’s not true?’ ‘Hell, of course it’s true!’ Gavin froze. Why had he said that? ‘Oh.’ Gavin looked up at the android, that was smiling to himself, cheeks tinged blue. ‘That’s… nice to hear.’ ‘Is it?’ ‘I mean, I like you a lot, Gavin. To learn it’s mutual is… very nice.’ Gavin sighed deeply, holding his head. ‘I will phcking kill him…’ ‘Are you not happy about this?’ ‘Phck, Nines, I am. I really am. But I’m tired, I have an annoying as phck brother at home that just won’t shut up and I really wanted to ask you out any other way than this.’

‘I understand’, the android nodded. ‘But it’s nice to have it out now, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah. Yeah it is. Listen, I… Let’s forget this happened for just this day, okay? I will leave early today, speak to my brother about all of this and if I’m not charged with murder tomorrow morning, how about we do this properly? Tomorrow is your free day, right?’

Nines nodded and smirked. ‘Call me if you need to hide the body.’

#detroit become human #dbh #Reed900 #RK900 #Gavin Reed #Elijah Kamski #I hope this isn't as bad as my brain makes me think it is and you still enjoyed it #if not let me know I can try again

52 notes · View notes