#therapist supported

[this-is-me19]

I’m case you need help with your own coping skills and understanding your brain (All images are from Pinterest and are in various places on my own account):

#personal #mental health #shadow work #therapist supported #affirmations #anger #cognitive distortions #coping skills #self care #witchcraft

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND) #the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there' #no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD. #and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them. #again..... fun times

[brown-spider]

Real talk tho that therapist Spider-Man needs to get fired cuz what the hell was that.

That was so insensitive like bro you aren't even funny 💢

#ppl like him are why some ppl give up on therapy I'll kill him #idc if he's heard the same story over and over again hes supposed to mentally support EACH of his clients!! #does anyone wanna face me in a joust over this issue? #i bought the horses and the equipment i just need someone to joust me over any type of small argument cmon joust me #Spiderverse #across the Spiderverse #atsv #Spiderverse 2 #spider therapist #therapist spiderman #atsv therapist #peter parker #atsv peter parker #uncle ben #atsv uncle ben #miles morales #atsv miles #clips/screens #atsv gif #spider speaks

[kiindr]

it takes courage to be kind. it takes effort to be kind. no, it does not cost $0 to be kind. Kindness is a choice. Sometimes, a hard one. But people still make it and that's what keeps the world going.

#mental health #mental health awareness #mental health support #mental health reminders #positivity #coping #reminders #wellness #therapy #kindness #therapists #psychology students #mental health recovery #mental wellbeing #mental wellness #hope #resilience #comfort #love

[snakeautistic]

So many therapists are LAUGHABLY misinformed about autism. When I was first researching autism I brought it up to my therapist and she laughed it off because I knew not to only talk about my special interests during therapy, and I didn’t stim super visibly and frequently. That was an incredibly invalidating experience for me.

Even after that, when I could tell she’d considered it further and realized my theory had merit, it was like she was afraid of the word autism. She’d say I was quirky, or a little different, or just very sensitive, and that I “moved at my own rhythm”. At the very most she’d admit that I might have some slight traits but if I was autistic I would be “very very high-functioning” and probably didn’t meet enough criteria to be diagnosed. She agreed I should get an evaluation, but mostly so I could find out other disorders I might have.

Anyway, I got the diagnosis. She of course spun it like she’d been sure it was going to happen the whole time. She made sure to assure me that no one could tell, and again how extremely high-functioning I was. She’s still afraid to say autistic, and will jump through hoops to avoid saying the word.

It’s so frustrating to me just how stigmatized autism is, even in the mental health field. Professionals fail to understand the spectrum part of autism.

#actually autistic #autism #autistic #asd #neurodivergent #autism spectrum #neurodiversity #autistic things #low support needs #neurodivergence #therapy #therapists

[i-spilled-the-starjuice]

Finally made my own twst mc

It only took like 6 months of playing to cave lol

#Really feeling the therapist friend vibes #twst #twst oc #idia shroud #twst yuu #original character #their real magic ability is emotional support #twisted wonderland #sorry for my bad handwriting

[zebulontheplanet]

Was talking to my therapist and mentioned briefly assisted living. She goes “that’s a bit extreme, but I don’t know your support needs. I only see you for an hour on Tuesdays. I don’t know you that well to make that decision or tell you what to do”

I really appreciated that. Yes, assisted living is a bit extreme. But it’s a lot of people’s reality.

#zebrambles #medium support needs #autism #actually autism #actually autistic #therapist

[fisheito]

Me: Everything i make is garbage i shouldn't even bother

The eiden in my head:

Me: Sorry eiden you're right my efforts have value

#any time i feel down about the act of creation #actually. any time i feel this way about... saying words in public too #when i'm typing up a comment anywhere on this site and the internal narration is constantly trying to stop me #with LOUD whispers of No one cares!! or even worse... people actively do not want to know ur thoughts!!! zip them fingerlips!!!!!! #during moments of struggle like this #i summon eiden like the powerful support assist he is #into my battle against myself #hey if he can fix kuya he can definitely fix me 😂 #he is a stellar therapist for the clan. so strong. how does he do it #a new coping mechanism!! next time you feel down about your work #imagine you're one of eiden's clan members #exhibiting Mental Illness #and he just gives u that empathetic loving look. with some weird combo of words that makes u feel infinitely better #love u eiden u damaged sweetheart ty for the cbt #eiden

[zvaigzdelasas]

"tiktok is a measurable & meaningful risk that endangers you and your children directly, all the experts agree on this, but also doing something to oppose that is Mean"

#'both things can be true' they literally can not #if you think tiktok is a distinct & meaningful risk you should support this legislation #if that cognitive dissonance is too uncomfortable then maybe see like a therapist or a leninist #reminds me a lot of the narratives going around re: soleimani #sorry libs the right (incl but not limited to the GOP) will literally always be the beneficiaries of imperial security discourse #literally always #'x is a danger but nothing should be done' always loses to 'x is a danger & I did something about it'

[mocha-tapioca]

CONGRATS ON 5K @lotus-pear!‼︎‼︎ YOU GO GIRLIE

#lotuspear5kdtiys #WOOOOOOO 🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 #this made me like rendering again but also i am Supposed To Be Asleep (starts fasting in an hour) #ill conk out after we’re all good ITS ALL GOOD #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #bsd fanart #have i ever mentioned how little i actually know about this series/this man #like ik next to nothing but hes fun to draw n i hear the WILDEST things abt him #like okay wow ur therapist needs a support group #i kept on picturing his finger as a moustache while i was drawing him n that made things infinitely funnier #is this going to be the thing that ACTUALLY gets me into bsd?? find out next episode

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

how do batteries work :(

(plus the full screenshot bc i can’t decide if it’s funnier cropped or not cropped)

#he’s so harrowed #idk why i’m picture them showing up for a therapy session with me #this couple comes in and i’m like ok what’s going on guys #and they sit down #one of them just looks at me like they’re gonna cry and just says “how do batteries work” #the other one pats them on the shoulder supportively like “it’s okay. i know this is hard. you’re so brave.” #and i’m there like #guys you know i’m a therapist right i can’t tell you how batteries work #but i’ve already noticed about 50 things just in the 15 seconds you’ve been in here that warrant us to have follow up sessions #dnp #dan and phil #amazingphil #dan howell #wdapteo 4 #wdapteo 2023 #yeet my deet #phan #yeet my deenp

[tea-time-terrier]

#throwback to that time I was a freshly out queer kid and was congratulated multple times for not being too queer #the therapist I had to see to get my letter for hrt was happy that I was binary-trans(?) and proceeded to go on a rant about NB identities #*during a therapy session* #there are many spaces that had meaningful impacts on me and I still don't know if I was accepted there #or if I was just palatable #people will ignore your identity and call it support #there was no point to this btw #sometimes you just need to make bad art for that collection of feelings you don't have the words to fully encompass #I love seeing such visibly queer people #and hope that is one day me #my art

[stuckinapril]

I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc

#And to be clear I have nothing against therapy. I’ve seen it do wonders for other people #I think the reason it’s a point of defeat (just a little) for me to be like ok. I need a therapist. Is bc I’m admitting to myself that I #need one to begin w. And I get it’s not healthy but I always liked to think I could handle anything by myself #That was even the whole point of this blog. It was supposed to serve as a conduit for these feelings #And I’m not saying I don’t have a support system. I do. I have many wonderful friends #But I struggle to be vulnerable at all tbh and whenever I am I’m guilty ab it bc #I understand so many people have busy lives & I feel like an emotional burden on them by venting #Despite them telling me that it’s totally fine. Obvi a therapist is literally paid to listen so no guilt there #And I think that’s what I need #I’m not like on the brink of a psychotic break or anything but it’s just little things. I think it’d be nice to sit in someone’s office for #One hour a week and just go. That did bother me actually. I am tired actually. I do feel that way actually. #Rather than just burying my feelings w school and a busy schedule #I don’t think therapy will make me any less of a workaholic anytime soon but it’ll at least allow me to slow down one hour a week #And also not bottle shit up so fuckin much #But ya all of this is to say I’m drafting the email to her RIGHT now . #Starting the day off strong by oversharing on tumblr dot com

[cappiecarp]

hello everynyan here is a piece that has no significance whatsoever because flower crowns mean nothing in skip to loafer yep yep yep ummmm yeah! anyways if you'll excuse me im going to go explode now!

#skip and loafer #skip and loafer fans... #skip to loafer #iwakura mitsumi #mitsumi iwakura #nao chan #skip and loafer mitsumi #skip and loafer nao #nao skip and loafer #im so normal #i hope i explode #chapter 29 made me violently sob and have to walk laps around my room #this manga has damaged me in ways doctors cannot describe #my therapist will be hearing about this #i love supportive families sm im going to explode #flower crown

[nagasthia]

Look a Ninjago drawing :)

#lego ninjago #ninjago #pixal ninjago #ninjago pixal #lego ninjago pixal #pixal #pixal borg #ninjago art #ninjago fanart #my art #I have a feeling you don't actually believe you are good at what you're doing #that's what my therapist said to me last week #and that made me think #when did I started resenting what always made me happy? Because all I feel is that no matter how much I try I'm never happy #I'm in a place where I'll start to get nightmares every time I post something #Don't get me wrong I am so grateful for all the support you guys gave me and I feel really happy with the friends I got here #but things are not balanced #I have been doing art for such a short time and I can see how much I have improved #but if I am not happy with my own art I see no reason to keep doing it #I've only been drawing and getting better because you gave me so much support but the support is not working now #because no matter what I'll never be satisfied with myself #I know I will hate this drawing the moment I post it but everyone following me is a follower because of ninjago and I can't ignore that #So for y'all a drawing