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obeiii-mee · 3 years

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Heyo, this is my first time asking (im kinda new to tumblr, so please dont judge) if you would'nt mind, could you do some headcannons (or oneshots, it dosen't matter) with all the demon bros and a MC who is crippled/paralized in their legs, and has to use a wheelchair to get around? Thank you!!

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This is the first time I’ve written about a crippled MC, so I hope I didn’t fuck this up or anything. I found out that being paralysed in both legs is a disability called Paraplegia so that’s how I titled this post. And y’all are too sweet, you are more than welcome anon! I hope I can portray this properly because I am not crippled myself so I’ve opted to do some research before writing this! I hope you like it! Also, I feel inclined to add that none of the brothers would treat you too differently if you happen to have a disability because you’re their human nonetheless :)

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The Brothers with an MC that has Paraplegia and needs a wheelchair to get around:

Lucifer:

-Lucifer was in charge of choosing the final human, exchange student for the program so it’s guaranteed he already knew about your predicament before you even arrived

-Him and Diavolo probably had many meetings concerning your disability before the program could commence, considering that being unable to walk would double the chances of you getting killed since you are obviously more vulnerable

-Not to mention all the treatment you would require

-Lucifer is not well versed in human illnesses and disorders, but he makes sure that he is educated enough on the matter before you get brought down there

-It would not be easy, but he is determined to help you survive your year in DevilDom for the prince’s sake

-First problem of the day was, of course, your wheelchair

-Due to lack of time, Lucifer was unable to instal ramps around the House of Lamentation which meant that for the first couple of weeks, someone would’ve had to help you move around certain parts of the house

-He gave that highly prestigious job to himself because he didn’t trust his brothers and thought they would accidentally drop you and your wheelchair down the stairs

-He talks a lot to you, even at the beginning, because he needs to establish your needs and what he should do to make sure you don’t die for the following year

-You would have to tell him about physical therapy and how most commonly it uses heat, massage and exercise to stimulate your nerves and muscles, making it a great treatment for people with leg paralysis

-Once you two enter a more intimate and personal relationship, it’s more than likely he’ll help you perform those things himself (instead of kidnapping a human doctor from somewhere)

-Lucifer knows you have no problem getting around with your wheelchair by yourself but there are times where he’ll insist to push you along in order to give you a quick break

-I can totally imagine you two strolling around DevilDom and having cosy chats about RAD and your adjustments to DevilDom

-He has a softer side to him that he’s afraid to show most of the time, but he feels so at ease when you’re around, it’s hard for him to hold that part of him hidden from you

-Of course, your safety still remains his primary concern and he acts more like your guardian than Mammon does, even if he was originally supposed to look out for you

-He will accompany you almost anywhere. And if he can’t, he’ll have one or more of his brothers do it. And even then he’s probably lurking nearby, just in case

-He would always be willing to listen about your condition, if you wished to tell him whether you were born with the defect or why you ended up crippled later in life. Either way, he’s all ears

-If you would rather not speak about it, he wouldn’t pry and respect your decision because he knows it’s not his place to pressure you

-Because of your paralysis, it’s quite obvious to demons that you are even weaker (physically speaking) than most humans and that usually puts a target on your back

-Howver, never fear, because Lucifer is pretty quick to put lower rank demons in their place with just a mere stare

-Oop one of them passed out from the fear, haha

-In conclusion, he’s the most responsible when it comes your comfort and safety during your stay

-He makes sure you are always left in good hands and and provides most of the requirements you need

-Y’all should see how his wings puff up when he senses a threat approaching you, he looks like a peacock ready to go on attack lol

Mammon:

-The second born is unsurprisingly a bit of a jerk at first

-He stays really grumpy the whole day of your arrival because he’s stuck babysitting you stupid human

-“Lucifer c’mon, what’s all this workload for? The human can’t even walk by themselves, why do I have to help them out?”

-Wtf Mammon you can’t say shit like that

-Anyways, the following very few days, the only thing he’s thinking about is how much money he could sell your wheelchair for

-He’s the literal incarnation of greed, what else did you expect from him?

-After a while, he starts feeling a bit guilty every time he thinks about it though

-Mammon is gonna take this secret to the grave (laughs in immortal) but he actually really likes pushing you around

-Maybe it’s because it’s a clear indication to everyone around him that you are HIS human, under HIS protection and therefore you trust HIM the most since he was your FIRST MAN

-He will insist on helping you get out of that thing when you need to go to bed and stuff every night and he will get pouty real fast if you let any of his other brothers do it

-You wake up to him trying to roll around in your wheelchair one night at like 3am

-At some point, he stole a wheelchair from the human realm to match with his human. You can guess the consequences of his actions

-I can imagine you having to face a staircase or something at school and Mammon being like:

-“Fuck it, imma carry this fragile human instead; wheelchair and all!”

-Like you were a sack of potatoes or something smh

-Cue his brothers watching him from a distance as he heaves you and basically weight-lifts you up the stairs

-Ok but every now and again, he gets so sad thinking about you not being able to walk, like he starts crying kinda sad

-While you stand there like 😐 “Why are you crying?”

-He’s so quick to help if he senses you’re in danger too

-It’s canon that Mammon is crazy fast if he wants to be so if he has even the slightest impression that your life is threatened, his feet are already moving

-He will charge at your immediate threat at around 120 miles per hour-do not try him when he’s mad

-“The Great Mammon saved the day! C’mon MC, let’s go buy some ice cream. My treat! Ya better be grateful!”

-He says while the demon that tried to eat you lies on the floor with about a dozen broken bones

-Mammon is the second most powerful demon out of all of his brothers, even if he doesn’t resort to violence often

Levi:

-He didn’t really know how to react when you first teleported to DevilDom

-I mean, from the very beginning he considered you to be a human normie but at the same time, he felt bad you were stuck with his brothers for the rest of the year

-I think he would understand you would have an even harder time integrating yourself in their house because of your disability and he knows his siblings are really fucking annoying, always pushing you around and whatnot

-So, he kinda lets you hide in his room quite often

-You guys chill out in there all the time, much to the dismay of the other brothers who also want to spend time with you

-At some point, Levi definitely begged asked Lucifer to let you start online classes with him

-“But wouldn’t it be easier for MC to do online school from home rather than go to R.A.D since there aren’t any ramps or anything around there???”

-“The answer is no Leviathan.”

-“Ugh fine! What a fucking boomer-“

-For some reason, he gets so flustered whenever you ask him to push you around

-He blushes right to the tips of his ears and then he starts sputtering some nonsense that you can’t make out at all

-But he’s more than happy to do it, especially if you guys are going to a convention or if he’s dragging you out to buy new merch

-You two would get along in the sense that Levi realises the struggles you faced all your life were tough to overcome and he believes you are just like him

-Usually left out by other people, ignored even

-He knows you always listen to him ramble on about whatever he is currently obsessed with and how much you check up on him to make sure he never isolated himself

-He wants to do that for you too! Talk to him about your hobbies, please I’m begging you-he feels so bad whenever he’s doing all the talking

-If you ask him to help you with anything (getting something, helping you into bed—that sort of thing), he legally and physically can’t say ‘no’

-And he would get envious enough to stop talking to you for a day or two if you let his brothers do it instead (the second and third born are indeed similar lmao)

-S T A Y I N H I S R O O M, W H E R E Y O U C A N B E P R O T E C T E D !

-He will feel so much more at ease if you’re in his room because to him, that’s his haven

-If you’re in there with him, that means you’re not getting involved in his siblings’ endless and dangerous shenanigans

-Whenever you’re at school, he can’t help but worry about your well-being

-Because you’re human! You’re gonna get killed!! Do you know how much your organs sell on the black market in DevilDom??? 100x more than in the human realm, that’s for sure

-Would they have a black market or would it be a regular market lol

-For some reason, he also likes staying in your wheelchair when you’re not using it

-I think he just takes comfort in knowing it’s something that belongs to you and smells like you and-

-OK Levi, sit back down

-He wouldn’t treat you any differently if you had a disability tbh, but he’d be more concerned because you can’t even run away or anything

-So he’s so fuckin’ relieved when you guys are just vibing in his room

-He could die happy knowing he kept his best friend/ partner safe

Satan:

-Satan would be even more prepared for your arrival than Lucifer would, in a sense

-Out of all of his brothers, he’s most likely to understand and recognise paraplegia (either from studying human illnesses/birth defects/disabilities or from encountering humans with said disability)

-He’s a smart boy, alright?

-Always seems to be the first to notice if you need help or if someone’s bothering you

-Though in the very beginning, he was pretty tempted to just let you get killed to see how angry Lucifer could get

-Seeing dear Luci’s misery brings him great joy 🥰🥰🥰

-Once you two manage to build a very honest and strong relationship, he feels more and more inclined to keep you out of harm’s way

-Pls, he would feel so honoured if you let him push you around (it’s like you asked him to h*ld h*nds or something)

-If you require treatment of any kind, he would be so happy to help

-But in a subtle way...?

-Satan makes it seem so smooth too like he doesn’t mind lending a helping hand when in reality he’s all giddy inside

-*Kinda wants to rub it in his brothers’ faces but at the same no, because he’s definitely the bigger person here

-He wants to know how your wheelchair works

-It’s got all of these neat mechanisms and he wants to learn how they’re constructed because he never had the chance to inspect one before

-He’s such a sweetheart about asking you as well and never pries about your disability unless you start elaborating yourself

-Most of the time, he acts all charming and very gentleman-like

-So people have a hard time spotting and acknowledging the building rage inside of him every time he sees you are threatened by some moronic low rank demon

-Satan’s usually chill when it comes to injuries, unless he can see you’re in horrible pain

-There’s nothing a few spells can’t accomplish

-But when others purposefully try harming you?

-It’s like he loses all the self control he’s been trying to perfect over the centuries and he can’t help himself from at least breaking someone’s rib cage

-Satan’s a weird one because he’s protective of you even though he’s more on the relaxed side when compared to his siblings

-He very much acknowledges that you made it this far in life with your predicament so he doesn’t feel the need to baby you or anything

-You’re strong and he knows this

-It’s one of the many things he clearly loves about you

-That one time you rolled over Mammon’s foot with your wheelchair on purpose, he was wheezing

Asmo:

-Even now, he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be stuck inside a wheelchair for the rest of his eternal life

-I mean, he’d obviously still be absolutely fabulous, have you seen him? He’s gonna be gorgeous either way

-But after the two of you meet, he definitely starts thinking about how he takes his feet for granted all the time

-It would be so difficult to complete his daily tasks without the ability to walk or run around

-That’s why he gets sad every time he remembers that’s your reality and on days like that, you’ve noticed he gives you a helluva lot more attention than usual

-He knows you don’t need pity or anything so he’s just making sure his human has all the support they can get

-Paraplegia or not, shopping trips are still a go-go

-He loves buying you clothes! And he loves helping you try them on! Asmo takes it very seriously

-Might have a go at the employees if they’re being rude to you

-You don’t even ask him to, but he subconsciously starts pushing you around himself whenever the two of you are out together

-“MC! Look at that new shop that’s just opened! Isn’t it adorable? We have to check it out!”

-He can’t help it! There’s so many places he wants to visit, he sort of just drags you with him wherever he goes

-Even at home, he always pops out of nowhere to coax you into coming to his room

-Y’all have so many skin routines to do each day

-Like he’s in your room most nights to greet you goodnight and tuck you in, with the rest of his brothers it gets so awkward at times

-Asmo just wants to see you smile, ok? He thinks you have a beautiful smile and laugh and he wants to remind you that you’re marvellous, disability or not

-And if anyone does anything to put an end to your self confidence, he will swiftly put an end to their life

-Please, he’s a pro at ruining lives, he’s been doing it for centuries

-Asmo has such a huge influence over the people in DevilDom, he just needs to make this one post on Devilgram to end said demon’s whole career

-I mean, who is he compared to him, Hmm? So don’t worry MC, scum like that don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you :)

-That one time Mammon tried lifting you up the stairs and Asmo started shrieking, like put them down! Don’t manhandle them like that, poor human :(

Beel:

-I know I sound repetitive, but he would be an overall sweetheart to you no matter the circumstances

-If Mammon is not by your side, then Beel definitely is

-His big, scary aura and figure usually scares off any threat in a 10 mile radius

-Most demons don’t fancy being eaten by the Avatar of Gluttony, ya know?

-Idk why but I feel like he’d be the type to ask for oral consent every time he wanted to push you around

-He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable :(

-Surprisingly also the type to lift you and your wheelchair whenever an obstacle gets in your way

-You basically weigh the same amount as a paper plate compared to him, so he has no problem doing so

-He doesn’t really understand your condition as well as Satan may do, but he’s trying his best

-You mean so much to him and he feels it’s only fair he learns more about your disability as a thank you for what you’ve done for him

-He has a rough time keeping up with you when it comes to stuff like physical therapy because he’s very unfamiliar with it but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna help

-Of course, Beel believes that this is the second best way to show you how much he cares for you besides the obvious ‘I love you’

-Giving you a hand whenever you need his support the most

-That’s his way of saying “I’m not going to let you down. I want you to trust me, the same way I trust you.”

-And knowing him, he will try to do everything in his power to keep you safe and sound

-After a while, you’re bound to notice he’s the first one to pull you out of his brothers’ pranks before you have a chance to get hurt

-Beel is always the one handing you stuff from high places you can’t reach, without teasing you for it like Mammon might do

-Always the first one to remind you to get plenty of rest and to eat enough

-He wants to protect you and his brothers because he knows he failed to do so with Lilith so yeah, he’s a bit overprotective at times

-He doesn’t mean to be overbearing, but he gets so anxious knowing you’re by yourself

-After a few months of getting accommodated with him, your disability is no longer brought up in the conversation

-Because he doesn’t care that you are crippled and forced to use a wheelchair

-You are part of his family and he loves you no matter what

Belphie:

-He didn’t really care, even when you first met and his hatred for humans was at its very peak

-It didn’t matter that you had a disability

-All that mattered to him at the time was killing you to satisfy that deeply rooted need of vengeance inside of him

-Though he was sort of surprised his brothers didn’t get to you first

-In general, he’s pretty chill about you being crippled in both legs

-It takes too much effort to worry about your well-being 24/7 after all

-Surprisingly, he does keep an eye out for you if his siblings aren’t nearby

-It’s his redemption arc people, he’s trying to be nicer

-But he has such an irritating way of showing his affection for you

-Do not let him push you around

-He’s either going to a) fall asleep after 30 seconds and slump over you in the middle of RAD’s halls

-Or b) be annoying and fling your wheelchair in every direction possible just to piss you off

-He likes messing with you because you give him the best reactions and he thrives on that

-You’ve almost fallen off your wheelchair multiple times because of this asshole

-Not that he’d actually let you fall, he just wants to see how easily he can get you to yell at him

-Speaking of said wheelchair, like Mammon and Levi, he also loves using it when you’re not

-You’ve woken up to him curled up and asleep in that thing quiet often and he’s gotten in trouble over it every time with Lucifer

-But he doesn’t care

-And at this point, I don’t think even he knows whether he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you or because he somehow found a way to make himself comfortable there

-He would low key use you as a mode of transportation every time you go to RAD

-Just clings the damn wheelchair and almost topples both of you over

-“Belphie, there’s nothing stopping you from walking 😐”

-“Shh, just bring me to class and let me nap until then.”

-He doesn’t mention your legs but he still lays his head on your lap often

-Might make you hold him like a bride every time you stroll around the house

-It’s done out of love, I promise 😌😌

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Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #om #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #paraplegia #⭐️ requests #🕯 general #☂️ demon brothers

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idlecreature · 3 years

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the buried fic comment from hell (it's so long i'm SO SORRY, I GOT EXCITED)

DEL.. I WASN’T SURE IF IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO LEAVE A LONG ASS COMMENT ON UR BURIED FIC IN PUBLIC….. SO I’M DROPPING IT HERE i’m so sorry in advance this is about to be a mess,, i’m so fucking emotional right now

((the review under the cut is in response to my fic which can b read here))

okay first –

The mental image of tiny gangly Barnabas and Jonah crouched with their hands in the dirt….. is so fucking cute?? I could feel Jonah’s jealousy just burning off of him. You had me right away. Fuck. You know how to open a story and I’m deeply envious, I’ve always struggled with it. Also, you threw in that little hook:

Despite what Jonah believes, there are some things that just can’t be explained in words.

Barnabas’ voice is so fucking good… guh… you know. I didn’t much care about Barnabas in any deep way before I joined the Jonah server and you guys have all just completely GUTTED me, I can’t believe how much I care about this highly-strung bastard,, he is so GOOD. HE’S SO GOOD???? HE’S SUCH A SWEETIE. LIKE. BARNABAS FEELING GUILTY AND HORRIFIED THAT PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL TO HIM AND WANT HIM AROUND???? AAAAAAAAAA. And the melancholy aspect, too, which I imagine is how Mordechai was able to relate to him, get attached to him… Barnabas being bitter about how useless his tears are while he’s crying anxiously at the prospect that he might not be able to help those families after all…….

All of those scraps of Barnabas’ letter to Jonah made such EXCELLENT transitions, holy hell. Again I am inspired by your storytelling prowess. I am taking notes, for whenever my ability to write longform fic returns from war. This one was my favorite, made my heart clench:

A good world starts with a good person and a few choices that are made with the heart—

He’s so earnest I’m going to weep ;_; Barny.. you can’t make Jonah a better person he’s AWFUL,,

(Side note, super digging that I can indent stuff, block quoting makes this SO much easier.)

Also really digging that Jonah doesn’t have as nice a reputation as Barnabas… Jonah is the bad influence friend lmfao. AND JONAH’S CAT… I LOVE HIM…

And then you delivered a swift blow straight to the religion kink, as promised… “There’s something undeniably old testament about Jonah; the fire and fury of creation, the self-annihilating stare of Lot’s wife.“ LOSING IT I’M LOSING IT… WHAT A WAY OF DESCRIBING HIM God, here I thought I couldn’t possibly be more attracted to this bastard man. I am aghast at myself.

LOSING IT EVEN MORE OVER BARNABAS STACKING TEACUPS ON JONAH’S HEAD???? Why must you make them so fucking cute oh NO this is going to hurt isn’t it. ((This was the note I stuck in the Word doc while I was reading it and I thought I’d leave it as was for your enjoyment))

“Taking cues from your dreams?” Barnabas replies. “You know only the desperately mad do that?”

“Or desperately inspired—savants and prophets and visionaries.”

And then you continued to try to kill me… Jonah thinking of himself as a prophet……. hhhhh canon-typical overambitious zealotry I’m HERE FOR IT………

“Are you trying to make me angry with you by playing the devil’s advocate?”

“Just testing you,” Jonah says in his alloyed voice, silver-and-honey-gold.

Del I cannot stress enough… My religion kink………. It’s been SO VERY ACTIVATED.

“Your morality has only ever been a thin cover for your shame.”

OUCH, JONAH, JESUS

Every bit of their dialogue was so familiar and tinged with bittersweetness and I owe you my entire life… Sincerely. Ugh. Like, how you described Barnabas’ internal angst about it later on – when he’s thinking of Mordechai, and he refers to "his many dog-eared fantasies” about Jonah it just really vividly conjured the thought of he and Jonah having a sort of? Queer solidarity, ESPECIALLY having grown up together. And that makes Jonah’s flash of betrayal at Barnabas not wanting to be SEEN with him that much more agonizing, personally. Like. I’ve had that happen to me more than once in real life. And much as Jonah is a piece of shit who is absolutely manipulating him………. still, ouch. Ouch. (Barnabas’ thoughts on the company Jonah keeps also made me wince. You did an AMAZING job with all of the internalized shame and frantic rationalizations, hooooooboy.)

The Lukases being colorblind is such an interesting piece of lore by the way I love it????? Now I have. Some questions, about Peter. Mordechai’s characterization in this is so fascinating to me. I’m enTRANCED by how you reverse-Uno’d it so that Barnabas was the reason Mordechai lost himself to the Lonely… the power dynamics……. so tasty. Ugh. And all of the sensual descriptions, especially of that first visit Barnabas had at Moorland house?? I didn’t clip any because I would have ended up clipping the whole fucking thing. It was aching, haunting, beautiful, holyshit. Their romance is somehow more fucked up than Barnabas and Jonah’s��

Also, I was so eager to read this I skipped the tags/warnings and completely didn’t realize Mordechai was going to be an actual vampire so that was a VERY fun surprise lmfao.

Barnabas feels like he’s close to learning something about violence and desire, how close they are, how the wires can get crossed.

THIS QUOTE IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEE ugh I’m having an aneurysm over how Jonah managed to fashion Barnabas into a creature that could understand him by gifting him to Mordechai for a while… letting Mordechai crack him open at the points where he was already brittle and experience an influx of some of the true darkness of the world. Just a tasty taste. That way when he discovers the truth of Jonah’s occult interests he won’t run away, because he’s already got his own fingers in the mess. He’s already given himself to one horror, why not Jonah? Shave some of the shine off of his morality, make him nice and gray so he won’t contrast so much with Jonah… And satisfying his curiosity at the same time. Two birds.

Oh, also, still sobbing about this line:

he realises that he doesn’t want to wear any colours that Mordechai can’t properly see.

EVERY TIME I let my guard down for ten seconds you smacked me with more of Barnabas being the most precious bleeding heart in the universe!!!!!! He aches so much for the people he’s trying to help and he hates people like Mordechai but part of him also wants to save Mordechai, somehow… maybe recognizes the parts of him that are like these people, still. Nearly faded but not quite gone yet. And as you’ve already established, Barnabas simply cannot let things go. Can’t disappoint people… can’t leave them when he could be doing something. Anything. Augh, FEELINGS.

Of course he knew Mordechai and Jonah were friends, he’d just temporarily believed in a sane and fair universe where things like this don’t happen.

AND YOU HAD SUCH A PERFECT BALANCE OF HUMOR… This could have been such a feelbad fic, and tbh it still would have been spectacular. But you always eased it at just the right moment to keep it from going off the rails into irretrievable deepdark territory. Fed me little soft moments so I’d still be vulnerable enough to have my HEART RIPPED OUT LATER…

I’m not super interested in the Buried canon-wise but I love how you’ve written Barnabas’ natural affiliation with it… so subtle but powerful? (Of COURSE Jonah was jealous, lmao. He had to work so hard and he’s still not on Barnabas’ level. There’s some kinda beautiful commentary on ambition versus goodwill in there somewhere but I’m too busy nursing my battered little heart right now to articulate it.) It wove its way in and out of the rest of the plot so naturally, too. For some reason it compliments Barnabas’ temperament as I read it in canon just… so well. Was there a discussion about this on the server, and if so, PLEASE tell me about it sometime I’m so fascinated.

Jonah wasn’t even present for a lot of the fic but his characterization was so INTENSE and luminous, Christ… I know I already praised it a bit but. Woof. I wasn’t expecting to get a taste of his POV at the end and I was so excited I kicked my feet (my cat was very disgruntled) like, this line!!!

Now, he thinks there’s some truth in those false statements, in the lies we tell and why we want to be believed.

GOD, YOU’RE REALLY GONNA GIVE ME FEELINGS ABOUT JONAH AND FUTURE-JONAHLIAS IN THE SAME FIC?????? EVIL… I’m so so so fucking here for it, oh my God, Jonah with an amplifying anxiety disorder, THE PRICE OF IMMORTALITY… too bad the Eye doesn’t let you see the future, Jonah, lmao… the line “immortality just made his anxiety turn nuclear” is SEARED into my brain now, I am NOT accepting canon to contradict this ever again. I’ve always wondered how Jonah’s neuroses might have worsened in two entire fucking CENTURIES and I love the way you wrote it. I am fucking. Losing my mind.

There’s so many other things I could comment on, like. The brief but glorious Jonah-grinding-himself-off-on-Barnabas’-thigh shenanigans. Was incredibly hot, and Mordechai’s poor fragile heart breaking, and Barnabas telling Isabel that it’s fine to call him Barny…….. I’m hhhhhhhhHHHH fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m just!! I am incomprehensible!!! Everyone told me this fic was amazing but it’s fucking amazing, Del, what the hell. I’m never gonna be the same after this. The end was SHOCKINGLY sweet and I have WHIPLASH.

………… So, now that I’ve made you read a novel. Hah. Sorry. My point is. I loved every bit of this. It deserved heaps more praise but my eyes are starting to cross. Thx for sharing :’)

Love,

Tony xx

TONY. TONY THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. FIRSTLY I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS. SECOND OF ALL, THANKS TO YOU I’LL BE SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOREVER HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW THIS REVIEW HAS AFFECTED ME? IT’S THE BEST FEEDBACK I’VE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I FEEL LIKE A FIRSTGRADER GETTING THEIR FIRST GOLD STAR I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD LIKE I COULD THROW THE JEWEL OF THE SEA OFF THE SHIP AND LEAN OVER THE RAILINGS BECAUSE YOUR ARMS ARE AROUND ME TONY IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN A FIREPLACE KEEPING ME WARM THROUGH THE WINTER MONTHS I LOVE YOU DEARLY FOR THIS YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE CHAMPION IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW I WOULD FRENCH KISS YOU WITHOUT HESISTATION UNTIL THE BOTH OF US HAVE RUN OUT OF AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING BLESS YOU TONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#fic review #mayormurdock #what the fuckkkkkk tony when are you getting your sainthood #long post #submission

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yfczangel777 · 4 years

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Since its 3:30 am and I'm just here overthinking things... i present a worry to the void;

I ramble and over explain cuz it's just how I am so sorry its gonna be long but yeah...

Hobi is warm and sweet and always puts everyone at ease and does everything in his power to make others feel heard and loved and happy. He really truly is the embodiment of his name: he gives people hope ♡

And I dont wanna be a bummer..

But I worry a little to myself.

((And for me; I feel this. Deeply. I am an empath and so I ~feel~ things, man. I vibe hella with Hobi and we are hella kindred spirits ♡ But this leads me to this worry cuz not only do I pick up on energies and also just generally assessing info I'm presented but I also feel that feel on a personal level and recognize a lot of behaviors cuz I've BEEN there))

But ok so...

I honest to god think he has found a certain amount of peace in life that does allow him to be truly optimistic and airy and just kinda vibe with life in general. I DO think he is genuine and his sunny demeanor is not an act. I feel sincerity from him deep in my bones ♡

However.... I worry for him a little because no matter how well adjusted and "cup half full" he tends to be everyone struggles sometimes.. especially I'd imagine in a high stress industry like hes in. I've noticed little things like that members say hes kinda "private" and he doesnt get overly "deep" in convos about himself. But continually everyone talks about how hes a good mediator and listener and never fails to bring up the mood or cheer up someone when they feel down. Hes a peacemaker and ray of sunshine for the group and that's amazing and HES amazing BUT I worry he does it all at the expense of himself. I've noticed he kind of offhandedly has mentioned like once that he 'doesnt always feel hopeful' but has to keep being the embodiment of hope anyways. I cant give specific sources but I've just internalized several instances over time from media of Hobi generally being like 'it's my duty to be hope for others. It's what I am so I cant stop'

Like I feel deeply that he GENUINELY is hopeful and truly truly loves others and lives for making people happy and genuinely cares for others and is glad when he can make them feel good.

But I also worry that during bad periods he keeps it deeply internalized because he is SO committed to being sunshine and comfort and hope to others that he fears letting people down if he isnt feeling okay. So I def think Hobi hides when he is feeling low because he just CAN'T let himself "burden" others with when hes feeling down. In his mind he cant stop being the light and joy to others at any cost because that's what he "needs" to be. They "need" him to be that for them. The members... Armys... everyone.

He never has stories of being comforted by anyone (at least on a deep level) but everyone has testaments of being comforted by Hobi. And I KNOW it's not because other members dont care or wouldn't comfort him but because he constantly hides from everyone any sign that he needs that support. I'm sure deep down he craves it but at the same time he would feel guilty if he let it happen. Me and Hobi are so alike that it's crazy... and I'm this way and I just... idk I just see it in him. I feel it from him..

But yeah and like.. it definitely builds up occasionally. Theres this one video (an episode of Run maybe? I have a hell of a time finding it but I've def seen it) and it just really stuck with me hard. I was deeply bothered by it. They were doing something (??) And had to stop laughing and everyone kept getting the giggles and kept having to try again and started playfully non-seriously scolding each other when giggles kept bursting out. And at one point they were almost under control and someone laughed again and everyone blamed Hobi cuz they thought it was him and he insisted "really no it wasnt me this time" but they kept teasing him saying it was (good naturedly mind you.. but they seemed convinced he really did. I actually dont know who it was tbh) and they playfully kept accusing him but then suddenly he just started crying??? Like he kept trying to smile n stuff but he just started to cry :( and everyone was suddenly like "??? What? Why are you crying? Oh No dont cry" and they stopped fooling around and quickly moved on from it and gave him a few gentle consoling pats but it was just dropped and they moved on and like ... it was never addressed?? And I was so so concerned and i was like "oh no Hobi 😢" because yo dude I recognize that situation. I've BEEN there. It's being so full of pent up bad feelings and then some minor little thing happens that normally wouldn't even bother you but you're just so fragile that it's the straw that breaks the camel's back and you just burst into tears and it's not cuz of that thing but you just break down cuz you've been holding it all in. It just kinda deeply stuck with me and I wanted to comfort him so bad. Like ... talk to me baby.. unload it all.. you're hurting... what's wrong? Let me help or at least just let me listen and learn on me 😢. I hope they took him aside and tried to care for him once the camera was off. I really really do.. the poor thing 😢 But yeah

That was a huge one. Along with all the little subtle things I keep putting together. This sweet sunshine boy... I wanna comfort him when he sad. I want SOMEONE at least to comfort him. But he has to LET someone in for that. He fears being vulnerable and feels it's a letdown to others and that breaks my heart.

But yeah.. at least it's not too often. Thank god it's not too often. I am grateful to the universe that this sweet man generally does seem to have a genuine positivity and optimism to him...cuz he deserves nothing but joy and good things. But on the occasions when he isnt okay deep down inside. I feel he is very emotionally stiffled during those times and ..it sucks so bad and hurts to just go through it alone because you CANT let your loved ones worry about you and you CANT let them down. And my heart aches for him because I'm the same damn way so I know that feel and I love him so i dont want him to hurt. And I /know/ that if the others knew they would want to tell him "no! We love you and want to help you!" You're allowed to have bad days! It's not letting us down!" But I feel he hides it really well and also I'm certain they've noticed tho more than once and I suspect Hobi either 1) denies it to his dying breath 2) only barely acknowledges it and severely downplays his own needs to encourage others to drop the issue quickly or 3) may even get defensive and/or lock himself away so he ~cant~ be approached about it. I suspect 1 and 2 the most but u never know.

But I just feel really sad cuz I want Hobi to allow himself support too. Hes our hope and brings us so much joy and comfort and deserves the world. He deserves the same hope and comfort. I hope for him that he can eventually let his walls down and lean on others when he needs to and know that hes not a burden if hes not sunny 100% of the time... that hes just human and is worthy of love and support and that people who love him want to give it to him and are not put out by it in the least.

I'm just like him. I can say these things but I still think "not me though"

But... at the very least I can vent into the void. I do this on tumblr because it's a bit different than a diary. It's out there in the world and others could see it but it's not like I'm directly imposing it onto another individual.

And my biggest improvement/accomplishment; I at least now have one person (my husband) who I finally.. for the first time in probably my whole ass life... have broken down a wall with and I can go to him and spill my guts whenever I'm not okay. It took a lot to build up to but to be able to do that at least with him helps a lot when I feel bad.

And I really hope Hobi can find the same. It makes a world of difference and someone needs to nurture this sweet boy the way he does for us. It hurts to know he likely suffers in silence most of the time when he does. I just want him to be nurtured and loved cuz he deserves it 🥺

#im on mobile so i cant make a read more im so sorry

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lynccycling · 5 years

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Humpday got you feeling down? In an uninspired funk and can’t get out? Not feeling motivated to chase your goals? We feel you, it happens. Which is why each LYNC instructor has tools to stay focused & on their game. Take a scroll down motivation lane and maybe pick up a tip or two to get you back on track.

Becca

I loooovvvvveeee taking Teddy on a walk or run (whatever Ted is feeling that day) and leaving my phone at home to be in my own headspace and one with nature if we go through Arbor Hills! I also love to listen to one of my new fav podcast “The Last Podcast on the Left” which is about anything from conspiracy theories to true crime or historical facts (history has ALWAYS been my fav subject) while cooking or cleaning around the house! Maybe its the Mexi in me but cleaning is a huge reliever for me! Clean house = happy lil becky!

Our favorite cleaning products? Mrs. Meyers infused with essential oils.

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Grace

I LOVE getting in my kitchen and cooking a yummy meal. I always start with a trip to the grocery store (probs Trader Joes) to pick up the ingredients.. I'm one of those weird humans that find grocery shopping SO therapeutic. I am currently OBSESSED with Alex from the Defined Dish, who just so happens to be a Dallas gal! One of my favorites right now is her Shrimp Remoulade Lettuce Cups recipe! Of course, finishing it off with some healthy sweet treats, like this Banana Bread!

This all happens while I'm listening to one of my favorite light hearted podcasts, The Lady Gang. When things get off track, a good belly laugh and a great healthy meal is always a great reset!

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Avery

I start my day with quiet time every morning accompanied by my devotional (@jesuscalling) and podcasts The Porch.

After quiet time, I take about 5-10 minutes every hour at work to listen to a few songs that make me happy (no shocker that Jess Glynne and Betty Who are at the top for me rn)

After work, I love walks on the Katy Trail or White Rock Lake, wine bars (leelas always) and cooking meals with my friends (favorite food blogger is definitely skinny taste). At night I try my hardest to unplug and focus on friends/family as much as possible.

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Andrew

This music definitely isn’t everyone’s thing, but the band August Burns Red has picked me up when I’m down, pushed my butt through tough workouts, gotten me focused at work, you name it, more times than I can count. Their lyrics are really powerful, and they wrote one of my all time favorites:

“Don’t excuse yourself from life today on the pretense of your past.” Let that sink in.

Alt response: I pet my dog or take him for a walk if he’s nearby, or just look at pictures of him on my phone because he’s stinking cute and it’s a good reminder that I need to keep it together for the people who love me and doggos that depend on me.

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Ashleigh

One of my favorite things to do (other than a good sweat sesh on the bike) is surfing. I used to go out to California and surf at San Clemente beach all the time when I was younger. It was a great way to slow down my mind and be focused on the present moment. HOWEVER there aren’t many beaches in d-town so I usually hop into a pool and swim it out or roll out my yoga mat at Hot Body Yoga. It’s a great way to control my breathing and something about being under water is relaxing to me.

When I need to get sh!t done, one of My favorite coffee shops is Global Peace. You can usually find me there writing or emailing with a cappuccino in hand. Also I LOVE coffee. Oh did I say love, I meant I’m addicted. Same thing right?

I’m also a BIG fan of live music and on the weekend if anyone is in town playing I try to make an effort to go out and support. It helps me get out of my head and is a good excuse to just sit back and enjoy some of my favorite tunes. My must see bands are: night riots, jet black alley cat, band Camino, State champs, Greta Van Fleet and Marianas Trench.

Look up concerts near you. One of our favorite venues? Granada theater!

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Liz

I love, and wish I did it more, putting my phone away when I’m home and being in the moment with my family (but of course grabbing it to document Noah dance parties and special memories). Five minutes with my son (if he is napped and fed 🙈) can cure five bad days.

Between teaching/training clients/and all the hustle I also really enjoy silence. I rarely listen to music while driving nowadays because I’ve found that my mind tries to start programming and/or choreographing whenever a song is playing- so having quiet time to disconnect is important. I also love to jump in a class and go into student mode.

Check out 10 apps to help you put down your phone and get back to the moment.

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Jaz

When the weather is nice, I love doing outdoor activities and being near water! Paddle boarding, swimming, and BBQing are my go-to day-off favs. I also enjoy a homemade coffee in the morning to kick start my day and going out back to wake up and check on my pepper plants and succulents. Planting is very peaceful to me. I love watching things grow.

Check out this 101 on starting your own herb garden.

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Sydney

Outside of teaching, I love group fitness and enjoy taking classes at LYNC and around Dallas to let out nervous energy. I like to decompress by reading, listening to podcasts, and listening to LANY and John Mayer.

I listen to The Morning Toast and The Lady Gang - totally light hearted, but makes me bust out laughing in the car and puts me in a good mood before teaching.

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Kayla

To stay motivated, I read... a lot. I read everything from nonfiction true crime stories and self development books to fiction novels to self-published articles on Medium. You can catch me searching my inbox at the Barnes & Noble check-out line for a coupon for a new book or sitting at Mudleaf Coffee shop (a super cool space in Plano) with headphones in listening to Audible.

My go-to read is anything by Brené Brown (Daring Greatly is my fave). She is a vulnerability researcher, specializing in shame. (wow, couldn’t we all dive a little deeper into that?)

I also love to listen to Gary Vee’s Podcast to keep me focused in the business world. He touches on marketing tactics, struggles in business and life, leadership development and more–and TBH he’s just brutally honest and sometimes I just need a good kick in the ass and for someone to tell it to me straight.

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Shannon

I like to take 10-15 minutes out of my morning to meditate to help level set me at the beginning of my day. My favorite app is “10% Happier” because it has courses, guided and unguided meditations and you can customize the time to whatever fits your schedule!

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Kelsey

I love a good story. I’m old school and really enjoy going to the bookstore and getting a physical copy. Lately my favorites have been ‘This Is How It Always Is’ and ‘Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine’. Put it with quiet time outside in the sun or snuggled with coffee and my puppy in the morning - foolproof feel good.

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Olivia

I love going to Title Boxing to punch out all of my feelings. Whether I need a release or am excited and want to celebrate an hour of hard work–gallons of sweat at Title is always the move for me.

I also love to take long walks on the weekends with my fave gal pals, Allison, Leina, Izzy, and Madeline to La La Land Kind Cafe or Bird Bakery. We almost always indulge in a sweet treat which for me is the perfect way to celebrate a week well done.

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Izzy

The main thing I do at the moment to recharge is get a good nights sleep. Being in bed by 9pm really excites me, haha!

Also, getting some vitamin D and tanning by the pool on the weekends always puts me in a good mood. I usually end up falling asleep there too lol.

Catch this guided sleep meditation for a little shut eye to keep your mind right and our favorite SPF to lay out in the sun.

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Lindsey

I’d say personal time is the best way to recharge for me! I love walking the Katy Trail while getting out for some sunshine or hot yoga. Hot yoga is such a release for me because It not only calms the mind but gives me a good stretch! My favorite hot Yoga is at Core Power.

I’ve recently been loving EVERY recipe from The Defined Dish who makes clean/easy/whole30 approved meals. Her meals are so tasty and simple to make! Feel good guilty treat that is guaranteed to make any day better is ice cream!

Calling my family always lifts me up and keeps me rooted! I also really try to put my phone down while at home for 30 minutes at the end of the day and engage in something other than scrolling mindlessly on social media which helps me reconnect with myself and surroundings.\

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