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dead-man-in-the-grave · 11 months

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i won't announce my sheer decent (but holy fuck there will be signs) pt. II

(Cross-posted on AO3)

part one | part two (you are here)

Not long after Wilbur called Techno and Phil off the chase, it began to rain. Tommy's clothes were quickly soaked through, sticking to his skin and chilling him to the bone. He could barely feel his fingers anymore, let alone his toes.

He wandered the forest, not sure what he was meant to do next.

He couldn't go back to the Minecraft house, no way in hell. That's exactly what they wanted him to do.

But it's not like he could go back to his social worker either; they'd just bring him back to Phil and Phil would just tell them that he didn't want him. He'd end up back in the system. He'd rather live on the fucking streets than go back into the system.

But those were really his only options, weren't they? It's not like he had friends-

Wait a minute. He did have friends.

Tubbo and Ranboo.

They lived in the city, quite a ways away from the suburb where the Minecraft house resided, but Tommy could walk. He'd managed before, he could do it again.

He determinedly squared his shoulders and started walking back out of the forest.

The quicker he could get out of the rain, the better.

***

It took nearly two hours for Tommy to walk all the way to Ranboo and Tubbo's apartment. By the time he got there, the sun had long since set, but the rain refused to let up, beating down on him like there was no tomorrow.

The apartment complex his friends lived in was shoddy and run-down, but the rent was cheap -- or that's what he was told when he first came over and asked why the place was so dogshit -- and they could pay for it with just the money from their part-time jobs and Tubbo's occasional coding commissions. And the place allowed pets, which was apparently a must for any apartment the two of them shared.

Tommy trudged up the stairs, water dripping off his clothes and hair and soaking the floorboards below him. He could feel cuts and welts on the soles of his feet send sharp jolts of pain up his legs with every step he took. He sneezed, a shiver working its way up his spine.

He arrived outside his friends' door (which was painted in an absolutely hideous shade of faded maroon) and banged his fist on it as hard as he could.

He walked in the rain for two hours, he deserved to be a bit rude.

"Just a second!" Ranboo called from inside the apartment. A cacophonous clatter sounded from behind the door, followed by a cat's yowl.

The door flung open abruptly, revealing Ranboo dressed in a Lemon Demon sweater and holding a half-empty coffee mug. They looked like they were trying to pull an all-nighter and failing. Miserably. But hey, who was Tommy to comment on other people's appearances? He's the one that's sopping wet and barefoot.

"Oh, Tommy! What're you doing here?" They studied his state of sopping-wettedness for a moment, before continuing, "And… why are you soaking wet…?"

"Got caught in the rain," Tommy answered, not entirely untruthfully. "Can I borrow your shower? And possibly your couch?"

"Um, sure?" Ranboo stepped aside, allowing Tommy to walk inside the apartment.

"Boo! Who's at the door?!" Tommy heard Tubbo shout from the direction of the bedroom.

"It's me, bee boy!"

Tubbo was out in the living room in an instant.

"What the fuck are you doing here?! And why are you dripping water on the linoleum?" Tubbo didn't stop talking for long enough for Tommy to respond. "You know what, I don't care right now, the bathroom is over there-" he pointed just around the corner, "-I'll give you some of Ranboo's clothes to wear after you shower. Now, go!"

He shoved Tommy in the direction of the bathroom, and Tommy went with only a little bit of complaint.

The hot water was heavenly for the ten minutes that it lasted. After that, it turned freezing cold, and Tommy was quick to finish his shower. Tubbo or Ranboo must have come in without him noticing, because a pile of clothes that wasn't there before sat on the countertop. It was a plain black shirt, grey sweatpants, and a red hoodie, all belonging to Ranboo.

Tommy put on the clothes and found that, unsurprisingly, everything was too big on him. He made sure to tie the drawstring tight around his waist. Despite his best efforts, the cuffs of the pants still dragged on the floor.

He left the bathroom, dropping his old soggy clothes into the empty washing machine on his way past. Ranboo and Tubbo were sat on the couch, the TV playing a random channel while they were on their phone and laptop, respectively.

Tommy, without warning, flopped on top of his friends, head in Tubbo's lap and legs in Ranboo's. Michael, their cat, appeared from out of nowhere to curl up on Tommy's chest, never one to pass up cuddle time.

Ranboo simply sighed in defeat and returned to scrolling Tumblr (or whatever site it was that they used), while Tubbo gave him a light smack on the head. A 'light smack' from Tubbo still hurt like a bitch, though, so Tommy grumbled his wordless complaints.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have laid on me if you didn't want to get hit." Tommy only groaned in response.

Ranboo glanced up from their phone, "What are you doing here, anyway? Not that we don't want you here! But, just- why?"

"I was right," Tommy declared, "They really don't want me."

Tubbo tilted his head at him, eyebrows furrowed. "How do you know?" Tommy scowled in response.

"Because I heard Wilbur say to Phil that he, and I quote, 'can't wait until we aren't fostering him anymore', and, 'you have no idea how long I've wanted this'. How else can that be interpreted, huh?"

The others went quiet.

"Yeah. I thought so."

The air between them became heavy. The TV chattered indistinctly in the background. Michael stopped purring, as if sensing the tension.

"Um… yeah, that-"

"That's really shitty of them, bossman."

Tommy just sighed. He closed his eyes and pushed the heels of his palms into his eyelids until a colourful kaleidoscope appeared in his vision.

"I just wish- ugh, I'm being stupid."

"It's not stupid to want things, Tommy," Ranboo told him seriously. When both Tommy and Tubbo shot them a look, they explained, "My, uh- my therapist told me that. It's one of the things I keep in my memory book."

Tommy licked his lips nervously, psyching himself up to speak. He was never any good at emotional talks like these.

"I just wish they actually wanted me," he whispered, barely audible.

Tubbo's fingers slowly, ever so slowly, began carding through his hair. Tommy let out a shuddery breath, doing his best to choke back the tears that wanted to spring to his eyes.

"Oh, Tommy…"

"Can we just-" he interrupted, "Can we stop talking for a while?"

Tubbo looked at him sadly.

"Of course, Tommy."

Tubbo didn't stop running his fingers through his hair. Ranboo pat his leg in a way that was somehow both awkward and comforting. Michael began purring again, and Tommy lifted a hand to pet his fur.

He couldn't fight the tears that spilled down his cheeks.

***

They fell asleep that way, cuddled up together on the couch. Tubbo layed down on top of him, arms wrapped securely around his middle. Michael slept on the arm of the couch by Tommy's head. Ranboo remained on the other end of the couch, legs pulled up to their chest and head cushioned on their arms, which were resting atop their knees. It was nice.

And yet, Tommy wished it was Phil, Techno and Wilbur he fell asleep with instead.

But he could never have that again. They didn't need him, they didn't even want him. Not like he wanted them, not like he needed them.

Their lives would move on without him. Their world would keep spinning.

Tommy's remained stagnant.

Tommy poked Tubbo in the side, trying to wake him up, but the other teen only grumbled in his sleep.

He sighed, resorting to prying Tubbo's arms off his waist and wiggling his way out from under him. After several minutes of finagling, Tommy was free of his clingy prison.

The clock on the microwave read 10:38, a frankly unreasonable time to be awake if you asked Tommy. Usually on weekends, he'd sleep in until noon, at least.

Well, in Phil's house anyway. There was no way to tell what the next foster house's rules would be.

Maybe he'd have to get up at 5:30 sharp every day again. That would suck.

Stop thinking about it.

Tommy sighed again -- he seemed to be doing that a lot these days -- and headed for the fridge. If he was going to be crashing at his friends' place for a while, he might as well make it worth it for them.

He scrambled six eggs, two for each of them, and set the plates out on the table. He put ketchup on Ranboo's, since that heathen would only eat eggs with ketchup. Eugh, disgusting.

He walked back over to the couch and nudged Ranboo awake.

"Ranboo. Boo. Boob boy." He punctuated each word with a prod. They woke up with a snort, lifting their head from their arms and blinking blearily.

"Tommy? Wha-"

"I made breakfast," Tommy interrupted, "Wake up or I'll eat yours." He paused. "Actually, I'll eat Tubbo's, yours has ketchup in it. Gross."

Ranboo rolled their eyes at him, but got up and went over to the kitchen table obligingly.

Tommy didn't even attempt to poke Tubbo into wakefulness, he knew it wouldn't work. Instead, he just grabbed his friend under the armpits and dragged him off the couch and over to the table.

Once he was at the table, the aroma of freshly scrambled eggs in his nostrils, Tubbo awakened.

And immediately began stuffing his face.

Tommy couldn't say he was surprised. At least none of the eggs he used would go to waste.

"D'oo make fis 'ommy?" Tubbo said, mouth full. Tommy nodded, taking a bite of his own breakfast.

"You didn't have to, y'know," said Ranboo, who'd already finished their breakfast. Tommy deflated a little at their words. Their eyes widened, and they backpedalled a bit. "Um! Not to sound ungrateful or anything, thank you, really! But uh, just because you spent the night doesn't mean you have to make food for us."

"Yeah, bossman," Tubbo agreed after swallowing his mouthful. "Thanks, the eggs are delicious, but you don't have to repay us for letting you stay or whatever."

Tommy decided, internally, that he'd do it anyway. If he made food for them, then they'd want him. Then they'd need him.

They'd need him like he needed them.

If only that would work for-

Stop it.

"Sure," he agreed obligingly. He'd do it anyway, but he didn't need to tell them that.

The rest of the morning went similarly. Tommy insisted on doing the dishes for them, and then did all the laundry (washing, drying, folding even), and made lunch without telling the others until he was done -- it was PB&J, nothing fancy, it was really one of the very few foods he could actually make without instructions.

Tubbo, again, told him that he didn't need to work for them to earn his keep. Tommy, quite honestly, thought that was bullshit. He kept his thoughts to himself, though.

He continued doing odd jobs well into the night. From fixing the bedroom's squeaky door hinge to reorganising the TV cables, Tommy never stopped working. Ranboo managed to make spaghetti for dinner while he was distracted with the clogged bathroom sink drain, but he grabbed all the dirty forks and plates afterwards and washed them before anyone could protest.

"Tommy," Tubbo said, grabbing Tommy's attention before he could find something else to fix, "You can stop. Please, Boo and I don't want you to act like a maid. This is the cleanest the apartment's been since we got it! You can chill!"

"I- I just need something to keep myself busy," Tommy responded, swallowing down the guilt at lying to his friend.

"Please, Tommy."

Tommy hung his head in defeat.

"Okay," just for now, he didn't say.

Tubbo took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom, where Ranboo had already passed out. The shorter teen climbed in first, situating himself in the middle of the bed. Ranboo, in their sleep, cuddled closer to Tubbo and made a noise of contentment.

Tubbo patted the open space on the bed invitingly. Tommy clambered in after him, laying down and letting Tubbo pull the comforter over him. The bed was a queen, if Tommy guessed correctly. There definitely should not have been enough space for the three of them, but Ranboo and Tubbo, being snuggled together as they were, took up the amount of space one person normally would've.

Tommy made sure he kept an invisible barrier between himself and Tubbo. He could tell his friend was hurt, despite Tubbo doing his best to hide it.

"Goodnight, Tommy."

"'Night, Tubs."

Tommy couldn't sleep that night.

He twisted and turned, he kicked off the covers and then pulled them back up, he tried every sleeping position imaginable, but nothing worked. His thoughts were going a million kilometres a minute and showed no signs of slowing. Tommy could practically feel the bags under his eyes.

When the sun rose, the clock read 6:34, and Tommy hadn't slept a wink.

With an exhausted sigh, he climbed out of bed and went to make himself useful.

He still hadn't cleaned the oven and fridge yet, and there was a bit more laundry to do.

***

Monday rolled around, and Tommy remembered with dismay that Wilbur and Techno went to his school. They would see him and almost certainly try to talk to him. He couldn't talk to them, he couldn't take the verbal -- and, quite possibly physical -- abuse they'd throw at him.

He debated pretending to be sick, but he knew that would just make Tubbo and Ranboo worry about him, so he decided he'd just avoid them like the plague.

It couldn't be too hard, right?

***

Tommy cursed his past self. Those were famous last words, and he thought them anyway.

Damnit.

Techno and Wilbur seemed to be searching for him just as passionately as he was avoiding them. At multiple moments, they came mere milliseconds away from spotting him. He had to duck behind Ranboo more times than he could count to avoid their vigilant gazes.

Both his friends gave him sad looks whenever he did it.

Tommy hated them for it.

He skipped lunch, much to his stomach's chagrin. Having three full meals a day spoiled him, he'd better get into the habit of only eating once or twice a day again before the next house forces him to.

He spent the allotted lunch time in the library, flipping through the pages of random books that caught his interest.

A book of birds had called to him, and he had it open in his lap as he sat on the floor. He came across the page for crows.

He couldn't help likening the crow wing diagrams to Phil's wings.

Why couldn't he stop thinking about them?

The bell rang, sharp and piercing. He put the book back on the shelf and trudged to his next class.

***

It was Thursday when he was caught.

He was in the library instead of the cafeteria for lunch, reading an autobiography of some kind (he wasn't really reading it, just skimming the words enough to keep his mind off the hunger pains in his gut). It was a new normal for him.

The door opened.

Nobody else should've been in the library during lunch. Tommy wasn't supposed to be in the library during lunch.

Tommy dove behind the nearest bookshelf, crouching low to the ground, ready to move at a moment's notice.

As long as it wasn't who he thought it was, he'd be okay.

"I know you're in here, Tommy."

Fuck, that was Wilbur. He was screwed.

"I- I just wanted to say sorry for whatever upset you last Friday-" Why did he sound so sad? It was infuriating. "-and we noticed you left your phone at home."

Why was Wilbur talking about his phone? Was he going to break it right in front of Tommy's face, just because he could? Try and lure him out with it? Well, too bad, 'cause it wasn't going to work.

"Uh- Phil thought it'd be a good idea to give it back to you, but we haven't been able to find you all week, and uh- well, it's on this table, so… um… you can have it back now," Wilbur said.

Tommy peeked around the bookcase, and saw Wilbur set his phone down on the table closest to the door. Wilbur took one last glance around the library, eyes completely missing Tommy, and sighed. He left, and Tommy waited for his footsteps to completely fade before leaving his hiding spot.

He walked up to the table that his phone rested on.

The device was sitting face-down on the table, so he couldn't see the screen, but that was definitely his phone case, at least.

Tommy glanced around, wary of any lingering eyes, but he was well and truly alone.

He turned the phone over with a cautious hand and inspected the screen for the familiar cracked pattern. Sure enough, it was his phone and not a decoy of some kind.

He turned on the screen and unlocked it with his ten-digit PIN -- he was not paranoid, he just didn't want anyone going through his phone. His suspended apps were the exact same as he left them, the full apps list didn't show any unfamiliar icons, and everything seemed untouched.

He still turned off his location, just in case.

***

Tommy didn't see hide nor hair of Wilbur or Techno on Friday.

It was odd. For the past week, it seemed like he was seeing nothing but the two of them, and now they were gone.

Not that Tommy was complaining. It meant he could finally safely sit in the cafeteria with Tubbo and Ranboo again, though he didn't eat. He still had to get used to less than three meals a day, after all.

After school, the trio took the bus back to their apartment, where Tommy immediately started looking for something to fix, clean, or help out with. After a full week of crashing there and doing the same routine every day, there really wasn't much else he could do, though.

Maybe he could regrout the bathroom tiles?

"Tommy, wait-"

Tommy turned to look at Tubbo. He could just barely see the concern in his friend's eyes from under his fringe.

"You're not doing any more chores around here," Tubbo told him firmly, "I won't let you."

"But-"

"No buts, Tommy. You need to chill. You've been doing everything that could possibly be done around here. You even regrouted the kitchen tile! Were you planning on regrouting the bathroom, too?"

Tommy looked away guiltily. Tubbo knew him way too well.

"Yeah, that's not happening. We're all going to sit on the couch and put on the worst movies imaginable, and we're going to point and laugh at them. Right, Boo?"

Ranboo, who had been standing very awkwardly behind Tubbo during the whole interaction until that point, vigorously nodded their head in agreement.

Fucking simp.

Without another word, Tubbo grabbed both of them by their wrists and made them sit on the raggedy old couch while he put the Bee Movie VHS in the player and rewound it to the beginning.

Why Tubbo had the Bee Movie on VHS remained a mystery to Tommy.

They sat through the entirety of the Bee Movie, laughing at the absurdity of the thing.

"The bees just- what? Sued all of humanity? For stealing honey? And it worked!?" Ranboo, in particular, was very worked up about the plot consistency. Tommy thought their ramblings were funnier than the movie.

"Well, yes, what else were they to do?" Tubbo asked, clearly trying to work them up more. Somehow, it worked, and they fell for the obvious bait.

"Anything but that!?!? Tubbo- Tubbo, you're the bee guy, you know that human-kept bees and their beekeepers have a symbiotic relationship. Humans only take about half of the total honey made by the hive, and grant protection that normal beehives just don't have!" They said, frantically scrolling through Wikipedia to factcheck. "The bees could just leave! They don't even have to stay in the human-kept hives! There is nothing stopping them!!"

"Maybe the bees are just dumb," Tommy suggests. Tubbo turned to gasp in offence, while Ranboo only hung their head in complete and utter defeat.

"You will not talk about bees that way!"

"I just did." Tommy smiled, all teeth. "Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?"

He promptly took a pillow straight to the face.

"Oh, you should not have done that."

Tommy and Tubbo quickly devolved into an all-out, no holds barred, pillow war. Not a pillow fight, mind. It was far too serious to be called something as silly as a pillow fight. Tubbo was collecting pillows from anywhere he could find them in order to make a defensive wall. Meanwhile, Tommy tried his best to beat him to death with just one pillow and sheer force of will. Ranboo, in the chaos, managed to escape to the bedroom.

Pussy.

Tommy would deny the incredibly manly shriek that escaped him when a nerf dart nailed him right between the shoulder blades until his dying breath.

Tommy spun around and came face-to-face with his worst nightmare.

Ranboo with a nerf gun.

"Uh," said Tommy, very eloquently, if he did say so himself, "Team?"

"I'm sorry, Tommy," they said, raising their gun, "It's neef or noth."

They shot him right in the stomach.

Tommy shrieked again, collapsing to the floor like the dramatic bitch he one hundred percent is not (no matter what Tubbo says).

***

Tommy slept until 5 PM on Saturday, fatigue from doing every chore imaginable, plus hiding from Wilbur and Techno during school, plus the pillow war from the previous night finally catching up to him.

Every one of his joints ached, all of his muscles twinged with pain when he even attempted to move them. His throat was sore and voice rough from all of the screaming he'd done the night before.

It's the worst Tommy's felt without being properly sick in a long time.

He thought the last time he felt this bad was the day before he was placed in Phil's house.

The house before Phil's had not had very kind parents.

Cut it out. Stop.

Back to Tommy's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad DayTM, Tubbo had come into the room about twenty minutes ago with "food".

Tommy wouldn't go so far as to call it food though. Hence the air quotes.

It was white bread -- yes, bread, not even toasted or anything -- with baked beans and horribly undercooked mini sausages on top. Even when Tubbo first gave it to him, it was cold, and now even more so. It looked vile.

Tubbo really, really, could not cook. He was worse than Ranboo, and they could only make spaghetti and cake (as long as it was from a pre-prepared cake mix).

Truly, Tommy was their only salvation.

Needless to say, Tommy could not eat the rancid so-called "food" Tubbo had cooked up, but he also couldn't get up to make his own food, either, and Ranboo was unavailable on account of them being at the store restocking their food supply. Which left Tommy on his own.

Fantastic.

"Tubbooo!" Tommy called out, voice cracking slightly from the strain.

Tubbo's hoofsteps could be heard from the other side of the apartment, sprinting towards the bedroom.

The door slammed open, hitting the wall with a loud bang.

"Tommy! What's wrong, are you hurt? Do I need to call an ambulance?" Tommy rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine, Tubso. I just can't eat this." He raised the plate of dubious "food" for his friend to see. "It's cold and the sausages are undercooked and you didn't even toast the bread, you heathen."

Tubbo crossed his arms, "You just have shit taste in food."

"Wha- I have shit taste in food?!" Tommy screeched, aggravating his already sore throat, "I'm not the one that eats cold baked beans and undercooked sausages on bread!"

"Yeah, which means you have shit taste!"

"Oh that's it-"

Tommy was interrupted in his preparations to launch at Tubbo, muscle fatigue be damned, by the front door of the apartment opening.

"Tubbo! Come help me with groceries!" Ranboo called. Then, quieter, "Please oh my god this stuff is heavy-"

"We're not done here, we'll talk about this later," Tubbo said with a glare, far too dramatic to be serious.

"Tubbo!!" Ranboo shouted again.

"Coming!"

Tubbo left the room the same way he'd entered; in a dead sprint and slamming the door.

Tommy found himself rolling his eyes at his friend's antics.

***

He eventually did get food that wasn't a crime against humanity, but it was still just spaghetti. Curse Ranboo and their refusal to learn to cook anything else.

He quickly fell asleep after that, at the disgraceful hour of 8 PM.

Like, seriously, he had a reputation, he was Big Man Tommy Innit. Tommy Careful Danger Kraken Innit. And he did not go to bed at 8 PM.

Well, it was a one-time thing, anyway. No one else had to know.

Sunday morning, Tubbo and Ranboo pulled him out of bed and onto the couch, saying they needed to have a, quote, "important talk". Tommy, in his infinite wisdom, thought it was stupid.

He wasn't nervous. He wasn't.

It's just… well…

"Important talks" never really went well for him.

So there he sat, squished between Tubbo and Ranboo on the couch, Michael purring up a storm in his lap. He swore that the cat could smell his anxiety.

"Sooo…" Tommy said, full attention on Michael's fur. The cat was shedding a bit more than usual. He needed to be brushed soon. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Do you want to go out today, Tommy?"

Tommy blinked in confusion, lifting his eyes from the cat and meeting Tubbo's gaze.

"Why? Where would we go?"

Tubbo looked up at him blankly. Tommy glanced at Ranboo for an explanation, but only got another blank look.

"Tommy," Ranboo said, voice uncomfortably pitying, "What's today's date?"

"The ninth of April? What's that got to do with anything?"

Tubbo looked constipated. Tommy said as much. Tubbo just ignored him and shook his head. "Okay, well, do you want to go out or not? We could go shopping, or to McDonald's, or even just to a park or something."

"Or maybe to the museum?" Ranboo suggested, "We have enough money for three tickets as long as Tubbo pretends he's eleven."

They were both acting so fucking sus. Tommy didn't like it.

Neither of them would ever offer to spend money unnecessarily, their bank account just couldn't afford to. Why the fuck were they doing it now?

"Why are you offering to spend money on me?" Tommy asked bluntly. "Is it some kind of pity thing? Or repayment for the chores? Because if it is, I'm not going anywhere."

Tubbo looked completely bewildered, as though he'd never even considered that to be a possibility. Tommy supposed that meant he wasn't lying; Tubbo was never a very good actor.

"It's not, I swear," Tubbo told him, mouth set in a firm line, "We just want to treat you to some time out of the apartment. That's not school, anyway."

Tommy supposed that answer made some amount of sense.

(His verdict was not influenced by him going somewhat stir crazy from being cooped up inside all the time. It wasn't and anyone who said it was is a liar.)

"Alright," said Tommy, satisfied, "I want to go to McDonald's then."

"Of course you want to go to McDonald's," Ranboo, the local McDonald's hater, said under their breath. Tommy glared at them.

How someone could hate McDonald's baffled Tommy. McDonald's was the best.

"Alright!" Tubbo clapped his hands and stood from the couch, dragging Tommy up by the wrist to stand with him. "We're going to McDonald's, then!"

"Yippee," said Ranboo, completely monotone.

***

They all piled into Ranboo's car for the five minute drive to the nearest McDonald's. Tommy was honestly unaware that they even could drive, but he supposed it made sense. They were always the one to be sent out to get stuff from the store and whatnot.

They parked the car in the nearest parking spot, and everyone got out. Tommy was jittery with excitement. He hadn't had proper fast food in so long. The mere idea of it made his mouth water.

Tommy bolted for the entrance, Tubbo hot on his heels. Ranboo followed at a much more sedated pace.

They looked nauseous just setting foot in the building.

Tommy ordered a Big Mac meal, with a large fry and a coke. Tubbo decided on a ten-piece chicken McNugget after several minutes of internal (and external) debate. They each got a McFlurry, as the ice cream machine was miraculously unbroken.

Ranboo, unsurprisingly, got nothing, because they were a weirdo.

All of the food totaled out at a fairly reasonable £14.77, and despite not getting anything, Ranboo pulled out their debit card and paid for it.

What a strange, strange person Ranboo was.

Tommy all but inhaled his food the second he got it, Tubbo not far behind. While he and Tubbo pigged out, Ranboo shot them the most uncomfortable and disgusted look Tommy had ever seen anyone make before -- and he'd seen the faces people made after catching him eating out of the trash -- from across the table.

Tommy made sure to flip them off and chew louder in response.

They left McDonald's in just over half an hour of getting there. Ranboo visibly relaxed as they drove out of the parking lot.

All in all, it was a successful McDonald's trip.

Tommy didn't notice that they weren't driving back to the apartment until it was too late.

They rolled to a stop, and only then did Tommy look out the window.

The car was parked in Phil's driveway.

A pit opened in Tommy's stomach. Suddenly, it felt like all the food he'd just eaten was going to make an unpleasant return.

"Why are we here…?"

Tubbo, beside him in the backseat, tried to take Tommy's hand in his own. Tommy ripped it away from him and cradled it to his chest.

"Toms-"

"Don't fucking 'Toms' me, Tubbo, why the fuck are we here?!"

Tommy's lungs weren't working right, he thought. It felt like he couldn't get a full breath in. His throat was tight, it hurt to speak. That didn't stop him from screaming at his "friends" though.

"What the fuck is wrong with you two?! I thought we were friends!"

"Tommy, we are your friends-"

Anger burned hot in his chest, bubbling up behind his ribcage alongside the bone-chilling fear he felt in that moment.

"Then why. Are. We. Here?!"

"Because Phil asked us to bring you!" Tubbo shouted back. Tommy staggered back, not expecting to be shouted back at.

Something hot and wet spilled down his face.

Tears. Those were tears.

"I don't wanna be here," Tommy sobbed, startling everyone with the disparity of it, including himself, "Please- please… I don't- I-"

"We're sorry, Tommy," Ranboo said through Tommy's open door. When had they gotten out of the car? Or opened Tommy's door?

Tommy's pretty sure they said something else, but his brain had officially checked out for the day, apparently. Tears kept falling from his eyes, but he felt detached and a bit floaty. Ranboo's mouth was moving, and Tommy could hear them speak, but the words just didn't… register.

He found he didn't particularly care.

Why was he crying, again?

Tommy blinked, and between the time he closed his eyes and opened them again, he was in an entirely new location.

Instead of Ranboo's car, Tommy found himself curled in the foetal position on familiar red and white bedding. He was in his bed in Phil's house, his brain absently connected. There were, somehow, still tears lazily dribbling from his eyes.

Tommy's hand seemed to move of its own accord, smoothing out a wrinkle in the comforter.

His eyes slipped closed, but he did not sleep.

Someone entered his room, at some point (how long had it been since- since… since what?) and talked for a bit. The words were nothing but white noise to him, but whoever it was had a very nice voice, so Tommy didn't mind too much. He was content to listen to the musical lilt to the speaker's tone.

The person with the nice voice eventually left. Tommy whined in the sudden silence.

There were two others that came in and talked. One with a low rumbley voice that made him feel warm, and another with a higher pitched voice that had an odd tonality that made him think they probably had an accent.

Tommy thought all their voices sounded good.

The three of them came in and talked to him, and even though he had no clue what they were saying, it was nice to know that they were nice enough to keep Tommy, of all people, company.

Slowly, slowly, Tommy started to come back to himself. He clenched his hands into fists and then stretched them out, over and over, counting the amount of times he'd done the motion.

Finally, he felt like his body was his own again.

He sat up in bed -- his bed, his bed in Phil's house, why was he back at Phil's? -- and looked around the room.

It was the exact same as he'd left it, aside from the light film of dust that covered every surface. The piano sat against the wall, all his books were where they were meant to be on the shelf, his PC was still sitting unlocked on the desktop.

Henry and Duffle were both cradled in Tommy's arms. He hadn't even realised he was holding them.

A knock sounded at the door, and a moment later it swung gently open, revealing Wilbur.

Oh. Shit.

"You're up," Wilbur said, surprise clear in his voice. Tommy licked his lips, but just nodded instead of attempting to speak. "Well, that's better than you've been in the past nine hours."

"Nine hours-'' Tommy's exclamation was cut off by a sudden coughing fit, wracking his whole body with the force of it. He was vaguely aware of Wilbur getting close enough to rub soothing circles on his back.

"Should I get Phil?" Wilbur asked, voice thick with worry.

"Don't get Phil," Tommy demanded, before coughing some more into his fist.

They didn't speak again for a while, even after Tommy had come down from his coughing fit. The silence was deafening; Tommy's ears started ringing.

Wilbur, eventually, stood up. He was trying to hide it, but Tommy could see the way his hands were shaking.

"I'm just… gonna go. Now."

Tommy didn't stop him.

***

Techno came in a short while later with food.

Tommy couldn't force himself to eat it.

***

Phil didn't show up for a while. Tommy believed Wilbur had told him that Tommy didn't want to see him. Which was great! Wonderful! He didn't want to see Phil, and Wilbur told him that, so Phil didn't come to see him.

He simultaneously hated Wilbur for it and wanted to thank him.

But, eventually, Phil did have to show up. And "eventually" just so happened to be right now.

Phil stood in the doorway, wings fluffed up behind him. With his wings like that, he blocked the entire doorway. Tommy did his best to not show how tense he was because of it.

"Hey, Tommy."

Tommy just stared.

Phil cleared his throat, "Can I come in?" Tommy scoffed.

"It's your house, innit?"

"But it's your room."

"I don't see why that matters." Phil went quiet, head tilted to the side. He'd decided to act like a fucking bird again, Tommy saw. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "You can come in, I guess. Might as well get this over with…"

Phil stepped into the room and finally unblocked the door. Tommy steadfastly ignored the way his shoulders relaxed, and instead chose to focus on Phil's every move.

"Are you feeling better now? We think you had a dissociative episode back there." Phil stood about a foot away from the edge of the bed, keeping his distance. "You scared Wil about half to death."

"Yeah, sure I did," Tommy sneered, "What should I care?"

(Tommy did care. A lot. It was honestly kind of annoying how much he cared.)

Phil sighed. His wings ruffled behind him, feathers fluffing up and then resettling. He moved over to the bed and sat down, leaving Tommy just out of his arms reach.

"What's wrong, mate?" Phil asked.

Tommy debated not answering. Like, seriously, what was he gonna do if he didn't answer?

He might get hit, his subconscious reminded him. Phil had never hit him (or Wilbur or Techno for that matter), but the possibility was always there. And before, he didn't have a reason to hit Tommy.

If he didn't answer, then he would have a reason.

"Why are you acting like you care?" Tommy asked after a long internal debate, "You're gonna send me back to my social worker. Why put in all this effort?"

Phil looked genuinely taken aback, whether by Tommy answering in the first place or the words themselves, he didn't know.

"We do care about you, Tommy. And we're not going to send you back to your social worker," Phil said, and it was so clearly a lie, but Tommy wanted to believe him anyway. He so, so desperately wanted to believe them. But his trust had been broken a few too many times for that. "Why would we do that?"

"Because you don't want to foster me anymore. I'm not stupid. I heard what Wilbur said."

Realisation dawned on Phil's face like a sunrise.

And then he laughed.

This was it. He was going to drop the act. Finally, Tommy could stop walking on eggshells, he could stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He felt like he was gonna be sick.

"Tommy," Phil said, tone all too fond. It made Tommy want to vomit. "We don't want to foster you anymore-"

He fucking knew it. He knew it was too good to be true.

Bile rose in the back of his throat, but Phil was still talking, so he swallowed it down.

"-because we want to adopt you," Phil finished, "Wilbur is just shit at words."

…Wait. Back up, rewind.

'-because we want to adopt you.'

Tommy must have been hearing things, because Phil could not have just said that.

Wilbur wanted Phil to adopt him? Him, Tommy Careful Danger Kraken Innit, wife haver and annoying kid -- not a kid -- supreme? Tommy, who'd been kicked out of god-knows how many foster homes in the past, and never planned on having a family of his own? Tommy, who knew how to run away and live on the streets for months at a time because it was preferable to some of the houses he'd been put in?

Maybe they'd confused him for some other tall blond kid named Tommy that they fostered.

…

Yeah, no, even he knew he was fooling himself with that one.

But what other explanation was there? They weren't supposed to want him, and yet they did anyway. And even if they tricked themselves into wanting to adopt him, they should have known how bad and disobedient he was. He ran away from them, for god's sake!

Tommy's head was spinning.

It just… It didn't make sense.

"Why?" Tommy found himself asking.

Phil hummed, tapping a clawed finger to his chin in an over-exaggerated thinking motion.

"Because you complete the family dynamic?" Phil offered, "Because we like you for you, because Wilbur always wanted a little brother, and you fill the role perfectly, because Techno is attached even though he won't admit it, because I missed having a fledgling in the nest… I could go on."

Tommy felt a fire ignite in his chest, small and flickering, but there all the same.

"Oh yeah!" Phil continued, wings fluttering happily, "And because we love you!"

The fire burned hot and bright, as though it had been doused in gasoline, hot enough to melt away any lingering fear and doubt.

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do!"

Phil brought a hand up to Tommy's head, threading his fingers though Tommy's tangled curls. Tommy melted into the affection, leaning all his weight into Phil's side, emotionally and physically exhausted.

Tommy Careful Danger Kraken Innit-Minecraft would be a pretty poggers name, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.

***

"That is a lot of fucking papers."

Phil sighed, looking down at the stack of papers he'd set on his desk. They were all adoption and foster papers, all of them filled out and signed by Phil (and Tommy, when applicable).

"It is a lot of fucking papers, and I had to fill out every one of them." Tommy cringes.

"Sounds like rotten work," he tells Phil seriously.

"Not to me. Not if it's for you."

Tommy pauses, studying Phil's face for a moment.

"Did you just quote Pylades at me?"

"Paraphrased it, actually. I didn't say the exact words," Phil grinned. "And you're the one that said 'it's rotten work'."

"Yeah, because doing all that paperwork sounds like actual hell on earth," Tommy argued, just for the sake of it.

It was nice to know he could joke around like this, that he wasn't going to get hit for speaking out of turn or insulting someone. He could get used to it.

He would get used to it. They were adopting him!

It still didn't quite feel real.

Heavy hoofsteps stomped up the stairs, approaching at a rapid pace. A lighter set of footsteps followed the first, moving just as quickly.

Phil's office door swung open, revealing Techno in all his pink-haired glory, Wilbur standing behind him.

"Are you talking about Greek mythology in here?" Techno asked, a crazed look in his eye, "Without me?!"

"Phil started it!" Tommy shouted. He ran up to his brothers, grabbing both of them by their sleeves and dragged them into the room. "He par-a-phrased Pylades at me."

"You're the one who pointed it out, gremlin." Phil ruffled his hair affectionately. Tommy absolutely, one-hundred percent did not lean into the touch.

Oh, who was he kidding, of course he leaned into it.

"Tubbo and Ranboo are downstairs playing Mario Kart," Wilbur told them, "D'you wanna come back down with us and join? Get out of this stuffy office and away from that boring paperwork?"

"My office is not stuffy-" Phil tried to protest. Wilbur ignored him.

"We were thinking about ordering pizza, too."

Tommy bounced on his toes, excitement manifesting in little hand flaps.

"I want Hawaiian!" Tommy declared. He grabbed Wilbur's sleeve, pulling the man down to stare him in the face. "We're getting Hawaiian." Wilbur recoiled away, lip curling in over-exaggerated disgust.

"Hawaiian?! Fucking gross, Tommy, ham and pineapple?! On pizza?!"

"Pineapple is good, man!" Tommy yells back. "Wilby, it's not my fault your taste buds are broken."

Wilbur went silent, staring at him, mouth slightly agape. Tommy looked to Techno and Phil, who'd started grinning and snickering, respectively. Tommy decided to ignore them.

"Wilbur? Are you-"

"Did you just call me Wilby?" Wilbur shouted suddenly. Tommy spluttered in response.

"I didn't call you Wilby!"

"No, you definitely did," he insisted.

"I didn't! Your ears must be broken too now, you're hearing things." Tommy crossed his arms over his chest, turning his face away from Wilbur in an attempt to hide his burning face and ears. "We need to get you hearing aids, you're becoming an old man like Phil."

Wilbur had seemingly chosen to ignore Tommy's insults, instead choosing to prod him in the side and keep teasing him.

"Aww, Tommy! You can call me Wilby if you want."

"I don't want to call you that," Tommy denied, "And I didn't call you Wilby!"

The burning in his cheeks said otherwise.

Wilbur laughed at his expense. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. Tommy dropped his head onto his brother's -- his brother's, how poggers was that?! -- collarbone and groaned in annoyance. Wilbur rested his chin on Tommy's head, humming happily.

"So…" Techno interrupted, "are we orderin' pizza or not?"

"Hawaiian," Tommy mumbled into Wilbur's chest. Wilbur lifted his chin from Tommy's head and pulled away enough to ruffle Tommy's hair. Tommy squawked indignantly, trying and failing to bat Wilbur's hand away.

"You're not going to have an entire pizza to yourself, child."

"Oh yeah? Says who?"

"Says me," Phil cut in, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. Tommy and Wilbur pulled fully apart, and Tommy grabbed the sleeve of Wilbur's sweater again. "You can get half-Hawaiian and half-cheese to share."

Wilbur and Tommy groaned in unison. Phil rolled his eyes.

"Keep complaining and I'll get you both an anchovy and olive pizza." Tommy faked a gag. "That's what I thought."

***

The pizzas arrived at their door half an hour later. They had switched from Mario Kart to Super Smash Bros a few minutes ago, because apparently there was only so many times Tubbo could come last in Mario Kart before he started trying to strangle people.

He wasn't much better at Smash Bros though, if Tommy was honest.

Phil brought the pizzas into the kitchen, deliberately walking slowly directly in front of the TV, just to be annoying.

"Phil! You're blocking the screen!"

"You'll survive."

"Aaauuuugghhhhhhhh-"

Phil finally got out of the way, and Toon Link instantly hit Isabelle straight off the edge of the map.

"NO!" Tommy screamed at the same time as Tubbo screamed, "YES!"

Ranboo sat quietly, still struggling to figure out the controls while Techno patiently coached him through it.

"How many slices do you want, Toms?" Phil called from the kitchen.

"All of them, I'll eat all of- Fuck you, Technoblade!" Tommy yelled as Kirby threw Isabelle past the edge of the screen and she exploded.

"You're getting two!" Phil shouted back. "Wil! come out here and help me with this, would you?"

"Aw, I was having fun watching Tommy get his ass beat," Wilbur sighed, forlornly watching the screen and moving as slowly as possible on his way to the kitchen. Ranboo, playing as Peach, pulled off a combo attack against Isabelle as Techno told him the buttons to press, Tommy screeching obscenities all the while.

The match ended a minute later, Techno in first, Tommy in second, Ranboo in third, and Tubbo dead last.

"Techno barely even did anything last round, how's he in first?!" Tubbo shouted. Techno shrugged.

"Cracked at the game," was all he offered before getting up and following Wilbur out to the kitchen. Tommy, Ranboo, and Tubbo set down their controllers and followed suit.

Phil gave Tommy a plate that already had two slices of Hawaiian on it, and then gave both Tubbo and Ranboo two slices of pepperoni each. Phil took his own plate -- with meat lovers, if Tommy had to guess -- and led them back to the living room, leaving Wilbur and Techno to fend for themselves.

Wilbur returned with one slice of cheese and like, way too many breadsticks, and Techno brought his entire pizza box back out with him.

Tommy wouldn't be surprised if he was planning on eating the whole thing in one night.

"So!" Phil began, pulling out his stash of pirated DVDs, "No video games while we eat. Does anyone have a preference in movie?"

"Do you have Moana?" Tubbo asked. Of course he would want to watch Moana. He'd seen the trailer a little while back, but had never gotten the chance to actually see the film.

"In fact, I do," Phil said, holding the case aloft triumphantly. Tubbo cheered.

Phil put the DVD in the player and switched the HDMI input, then plopped down on the couch next to Tommy.

Tommy sat in the middle of the couch with Phil now on his left and Tubbo on his right. Ranboo was on Tubbo's other side, legs folded to their chest, and Techno was next to Phil. Wilbur lounged on the arm of the couch next to Techno, using his shoulder as an armrest.

Phil pressed play on the remote, and the Disney logo flared to life on the TV screen.

Here, squished together on the couch with his dad, brothers, and best friends, Tommy thought he could finally be happy.

----------------------

And there's part two!! This whole fic took me 15 days to write, and it's been on my mind every second I wasn't writing. Thank god I never have to touch this thing again /j

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 3 years

Text

fine line - a close reading

gonna cry bc i’m at the end, gonna cry bc it’s fine line.

(x x x)

want to give the same disclaimer as with lights up: this song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that i could never hope to give an exhaustive analysis. due to its vagueness and openness for interpretation, i assume that everyone, just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else’s words can or should alter. this song means the world to me for reasons that aren’t necessarily in this post, and that’s how it is with art that touches us deeply. i’ve tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare, spread it open, if you will, so it’s almost as free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. in the synthesis i will make my own conclusions, but feel free to ignore that if yours are totally different. i’m just one set of brain and heart taking in fine line and projecting whatever i think is right onto it. alright, let’s go

fine line, track 12

sung in falsetto

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

Put a price on emotion

pouring emotions into the art you create: how much is genuine / how much do you show - line between being authentic to your audience and giving away too much, wanting to keep things to yourself and not feeling truthful with what you’ve written

exploits of the industry: lay your soul bare - or the exact opposite, some pretend emotion - to score that hit

I'm looking for something to buy

cynical. emotions aren’t genuine, right? where can i go buy some?

～ lights up themes. fake life, industry, being a sell-out

You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

“you” = career, music, Harry Styles™. devoted to the craft, to the job, all the ups and downs of it, despite the hardships it brings

“man” is deliberate: can be seen as an offhand interjection, like “man, that’s rough”, but nothing is casually placed in this song. “man” is: The Man, the heads in the industry, the people pulling the strings. The man in Harry, the man he’s been in the media all these years, the part he’s played/had to play, the man that’s in him

⟶ “hate you”: hate for industry shit, self-hate created by having to play pretend (～ only angel analysis, the persona of the Bukowski womaniser)

“sometimes” - it’s not fucked up all the time

“you” could also be a lover, but the sudden “hate” there then would be for that person, which is absent in any other song about them, doesn’t make any sense

I don't want to fight you

And I don't want to sleep in the dirt

like there’s a choice to me made, but he doesn’t want to make it: either I fight this “you” or I sleep in the dirt

“you” as the industry: if he doesn’t fight them, he might end up being a beggar, lose all his self-worth bc he gave in to everything they asked/told him to do

“you” as himself: fight your instincts, part of who you are/the persona. if he doesn’t fight to figure himself out, though, he fears he’ll also lose

“sleep in the dirt” as a sense of rejection, as well

We'll get the drinks in

So I'll get to thinking of her

drinks to cope - falling, only angel, from the dining table - or to be braver and confront emotions better - tbsl

who is “we”? who is “her”?

narrative of “you” as “lover” further disproven: if “I” and the lover get together over drinks and “I” starts thinking of “her”?

⟷ “her” could be the lover, but then who is “you”? the industry? some other person, besides that lover, harry is devoted to? multiple lovers, all of a sudden? no.

⟶ “I” and “you” are all harry, that get to thinking of “her” because she is in daydreams with him. the narrative that harry is fighting a part of him, the persona he has (had) to play bc of industry limits, makes most sense. that persona is within him now, and part of his work, but all of him, “we”, is begging to come into the light - of which she is a huge part

We'll be a fine line

balancing act. let everything coexist but pay attention that those lines don’t get crossed the wrong way. what we are, what i am, is a fine line between what makes us go under and what lets us thrive

we will be: determination to fulfil this prophecy, statement of fact “we always will be”

“we’ll be a fine line”: other way of interpreting it is that on both sides of that line is what entails “we”, all that is harry. what merges on that fine line is where it’s just right, when harry is fully himself in every way

“fine line” can also be an echo of criticism, bigotry, in the style of: it’s a fine line between being simply flamboyant and queer, between dressing like that and people thinking you’re a transvestite or summat (cause we wouldn’t want that, now, would we) - “we’ll be a fine line” could be owning all of it. putting himself in the middle of all those messy lines, as someone queer without a category

Test of my patience

patience with himself - kindness to self - took a long time to figure shit out and it was a challenge

waiting for change: industry and its allowances/openness

There's things that we'll never know

my favorite line

“we” = harry / harry and company / us in general, all of us listening

～ tpwk “i don’t need all the answers”: deep sense of acceptance

peace to be found in accepting this!!

You sunshine, you temptress

“sunshine” - as in all the love songs (blue skies, sunflowers, summer days…): lover - possible that there are multiple “you”s in this song?

sunshine could ofc also be directed at the temptress, still

female “temptress” - “i’ll get to thinking of her” - she - it’s tempting for harry to think of her all the time, to lose himself in the “her” in him

other interpretation for “temptress”: woman he knows with negative influence in his life - resemblance to woman “you flower, you feast”, so echo of Bukowski ～ only angel, kiwi (my sunshine, my love, who is involved with this temptress…)

My hand’s at risk, I fold

⟷ tpwk “dropping into the deep end”

not showing his cards just yet / forfeits

anxious to show all of him, to take the chance, with all the risks and consequences involved

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

nervousness, anxiety - about (not) taking (enough) chances, (not) laying himself bare (release of the album that reveals much more than before)

“crisp” fresh, this feeling is unfamiliar - change is coming “soon”

sense of agency: I can get rid of this feeling by my own volition and make these changes - hesitant, insecure: “try”

wants to be braver. he’s not going back, but still needs to calmly coax himself further and further into the light, out into the open (“we’ll be alright”)

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

(can anyone else hear “spread thin” like a whisper under “spreading”? or am i imagining things.)

“you” is back - the only way of knowing “you” is to spread them open - the physical

to spread someone open - very literal, don’t need to paint the picture, or to lay bare, to lay it all out

⟶ “you” as himself - the only way of knowing who i am is by doing this: writing this album, performing these songs, letting others listen in and form their own interpretations, let this world grow where i’m laid bare and OPEN and exist as this person who has issues, who is angry, who doesn’t know who he is a lot of the time, but is still so happy to be here - let it spread and let it all circle back to me so i can grow deeper into myself

We'll be a fine line

We'll be alright

“we” = h & self, h & lover, h & fans

collectiveness from tpwk

(notes on a piano sounding like drops, like he’s emerged from the water and dripping dry)

SYNTHESIS

Everything about this song is plural. Personal pronouns are all over the place. I, you, her, we. The sound is incredibly layered, with Harry’s own voice echoing through its verses like he’s singing to himself in an empty cave. Meanings can be attached to every word like it’s a wax tablet used too many times. What Harry has said in interviews for once holds pretty true to the actual meaning, in my opinion.

“It felt like it described to me the process of making it and how the album felt in terms of the different kinds of songs on it.” (Capital FM)

This can mean a lot of things, and I think it means all of the things, of course. It means Fine Line is a summary of all of his emotions he visited on the album, of the things he’s laid bare. And it means that the actual process was also described, as one that can be frustrating and challenging, with added industry shit.

Harry has expressed straightforward gratefulness to his label for "leaving (him) alone” while making the album and that speaks volumes. This time, he had the chance to make his art without the constant interference of a label, which meant he could weave in criticism as well. “Put a price on emotion” is first and foremost a critique on the industry. It’s the first line of the song, setting the tone for the interpretation of this song is about the risks I took while making this album. It involves criticism on an industry that creates such an atmosphere that only a certain type of music and artist breaks through or can be successful, that limits people in their personal expression. Convinces them that it’s better that way. That it’s better to hide who they love because the general public won’t accept them. That it’s better to create a song about a fake emotion than be honest. Harry loves writing songs and being on stage, but it’s taken a while for him to be fully comfortable there as a solo artist and bloom into the person that could make Fine Line. He loves his career, but it’s also limited his freedom in ways beyond our comprehension, and it’s exploited him to the point where he didn’t know who he was, in ways that have clearly taken a toll on his mental wellbeing. To a point where he finishes this album reassuring himself, most of all, that everything will be alright.

That process of making Fine Line obviously includes Harry confronting emotions he hadn’t before. He has stated that he experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows while making it. There are things he hates, he was fighting but doesn’t want to (anymore), uncertainties he was trying to figure out but had to accept he couldn’t, risks he still doesn’t know he can take without shaking. At the centre of it all is this sense of “knowing you.” The different personal pronouns in the song paint a fractured picture, which is ultimately deliberate. That the “you” Harry is devoted to and can hate sometimes doesn’t line up with “her,” that the end focus does seem to be this “you” that is mentioned in the same breath as “man” and “temptress,” forming the “we” together with “I”.

After having songs like Lights Up, She, Falling and even TPWK, one of the central themes on the album has undoubtedly been self-discovery, in all its pain and glory. There are no female pronouns on the album besides, obviously, in She, and then here, in Fine Line. She is about a man living with a woman “just in his head”, who “sleeps in his bed while he plays pretend.” It is very clearly a trans narrative, the story of someone struggling to put into words what they’re experiencing in terms of gender. To a point that they fantasise about running away. Fine Line brings the ideas of knowing what it all means, which Lights Up kicks off (“do you know who you are?”), Falling deepens (“what am I now?”) and Treat People With Kindness turns on its head (“I don’t need all the answers”), together. Harry is still doubtful, and the questions asked earlier in the album haven’t disappeared, but he has accepted that “some things we’ll never know.” His aim, however, is still “knowing you.”

To have Fine Line, as the summary of these emotions of self-growth and self-discovery, echo that one female pronoun, speaks volumes. It is a direct reference to She, to that story about gender. “Her” in this song refers to “she (who) lives in daydreams with (him).” The one who still only fully comes out when they’ve had a drink. The one he’s still working to include in who he is, as he tries to figure out who he is, all of it. The song where he sings in falsetto, just like on Fine Line. Of which he sang the first verse an octave lower live at the forum, switching between those voices, those perspectives. That’s also why “you” in this song is also Harry to me. We get this fractured sense of self, this “I” and “you” conversing over a drink, this “you” Harry is devoted to and wants to figure out. “You” and “I” form “we” and all of them are Harry. The lines are blurry on purpose, there is no way to figure out where “you” ends and “I” begins.

“You sunshine, you temptress” is the most enigmatic line in that respect, and to me blurs those lines even more between the pronouns. “You” is suddenly also identified by a female noun. And no this isn’t about some kind of love triangle. “Sunshine” aligns with all the odes to his lover in the rest of the album. So what does that mean? That there are multiple “you”s in this song, meaning that Harry is addressing both his lover and a temptress? So “her” he’ll get to thinking of, the only other female pronoun used in the song, is identified as a temptress, but tempting to do what? To take risks? And no I won’t forget the “man, I can hate you sometimes,” where "man” is not a casual interjection but an identifier of “you.”

Or is it an echo of “the light” from Golden’s “bring me back to the light” and Light’s Up’s “step into the light”? So that the “sunshine” symbolises being in the clear, being out of the darkness running through his heart, the darkness caused by not knowing who you are. “You sunshine,” you beacon of light. “You temptress,” risk-taker and source of anxiety. You, one I need to spread open to figure out, to know about, source of happiness and despair, one I’m devoted to but also hate. You, man, you, temptress. You there, in the mirror looking back at me.

All of you, and myself included, we’ll be a fine line. And we’ll be alright.

This song is about all of that. The self in art, the self on its own, the other, the journey, the chances, the fears, the passion. Hope. Reassurance. Confidence. And, most importantly, that everything will be alright in the end.

read all my lyric analyses here

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jeonggukkiepabo · 3 years

Text

CRYSTAL SNOW ❄ MYG

SUMMARY: Christmas has always been a stressful time for Yoongi: buying presents, decorating the tree, baking cookies, you name it-Yoongi does it. It wouldn't be so difficult if Yoongi had someone to help him, but all he has left in his life is his beautiful daughter Ara.But maybe this year, he won't be all alone.

GENRE: christmas fluff ❄ a bit of smut

WORD COUNT: 7,3k

WARNINGS: f l u f f, single parent yoongi, kindergarten teacher y/n, oral, satoori, domestic christmas vibes :(, mentions of death

AUTHOR’S NOTE: the secret collab is finally here! thanks @kimtaehyunq for letting me join💞 i’m so excited to read the other fics as well! & thank you Mags for doing this amazing banner I think this is the prettiest banner I've ever had. 🤧 Tysm love💞

MERRY CHRISTMAS

People usually say she looks a lot like her father, but all Yoongi sees in Ara is his wife. Wherever his daughter goes, his wife's ghost follows, the memory of his teenage love and the wonderful years they spent together until she left their lives.

Min Dasom died almost one year after Ara was born, her death coming too sudden for anyone to bid their last goodbyes-leaving her husband and baby heartbroken and alone.

It was awful, Yoongi won't be able to forget that one night the police called him, telling him that his precious wife drowned in the ocean during her monthly trip to the beach with her friends.

Ever since that call, Yoongi has never stepped near a beach again, never felt hot sand between his toes again, never went swimming again.

It was hard, being a single parent and Yoongi was tempted to give up many times, but seeing Ara grow and bloom into the beautiful girl she is now, Yoongi is beyond thankful that he survived the pain and sorrow.

He never drowned his thoughts in alcohol because his sunshine always looked at him with her sad little eyes, almost as if she knew what he wanted to do and hugged his legs tightly until Yoongi set the bottle away and picked Ara up and spent the night cuddling her.

Things got easier as soon as Ara was old enough to finally go to kindergarten, allowing Yoongi to work more hours and on a daily basis again. It's not like he needed a lot of money, it's just that Yoongi needs to work.

He's used to working all the time, he's always been-because working doesn't give him time to think about the tragedy that is his life.

Money wasn't an issue for the Min family, Yoongi used to be one of the most successful pianists and producers in South Korea, but he gave up on that as soon as Ara was born, just to have time for his family.

His friend Hyunjin offered him a job as a songwriter and composer at his own label JinHit Entertainment.

Yoongi could work from home whenever he wanted and needed to, but the studio Hyunjin set him up was way better and filled with new technology that Yoongi loved playing and experimenting with.

The acclimatization to her new daily routine wasn't easy for Ara because she wasn't used to having women in her life-until now, it has always been Yoongi and Ara. They ended up switching kindergarten two times before Ara came into the one that you've been working at for a while now-instantly falling in love with you.

The first few days with your new reference child we're quite… interesting because the little girl was full of action and so curious about every little thing in the room that you couldn't sit still and talk to her father for a while because Ara grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the next game she wanted to play.

Her father, Min Yoongi, sent you an apologetic smile as he watched you play with his daughter from a distance, giving you time to get used to each other and build a bond. You winked at him as you took a seat next to Ara and started to explain the rules of the board game to her-impressed about how well she was understanding them.

It didn't take Ara a long time to send Yoongi home, waving him goodbye and pressing a loud kiss onto his lips. "Go and work, Appa! Uncle Hyunjinnie waits for you to make good music!"

Yoongi looked at her with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're telling me to leave? Just to go and work? That is rude, princess."

You giggled and hugged Ara as she ran over to you, Yoongi long forgotten.

"Would you like to bring your dad to the door, Ara? I think he might be sad if you won't. Remember: he won’t see you for a few hours and you don’t want your dad to be sad during lunch, right?"

Ara giggled but nodded nonetheless and grabbed Yoongi by the hand. "Hurry!"

Yoongi looked at you in shock, desperately trying to hold in his laugh. "I think you gave me Ara's evil twin instead of my sweet little princess! Where is my nice girl that always kisses Appa goodbye?"

You shrugged your shoulders playfully as one of the other kids asked for you to help him with building a big tower out of building blocks. "Have a nice day, Mr Min. Oh and make sure you won't forget about our appointment on Thursday! I don't think it'll take longer than an hour, it's just to talk about Ara's development so far."

Yoongi was one of the few parents that were always punctual, not even a minute too late-and the only parent you've never felt any kind of rage towards. Not only that, but he attended every kindergarten fest, always prepared little cupcakes for Ara's birthday to bring with her to kindergarten and share with her friends.

May was rolling around quickly and you were as eager as always to craft some little gifts for the children to give their mothers.

You prepared some candle wax and melted it so the kids could fill it in plastic forms and add glitter and scent to their preference, just to have a nice little gift to give.

Most of the kids had fun, some of them were a bit grumpy because they got glitter all over themselves, but there is one little girl pouting and trying not to cry in front of them, not even touching the wax.

Ara.

It breaks your heart every time, knowing that Ara's mother died years ago and that she probably had no other woman in her life because you’ve already heard that her father works quite a lot.

Squatting down next to the little girl, you gently pinch her stomach just to hear her little giggles.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Don't you want to make a nice candle?"

Ara looks up at you, one single tear slipping out of her eye. "I don't have a mom, so no candle for me."

You coo, playing with Ara's hair as you stand up again, leading her towards the crafting table.

"That doesn't matter, Ara. I think your dad will be happy to get a candle too! We can pick a different color than pink, what do you think does he like the most? I’m sure we will find something!"

Ara taps her chin, smiling slightly as she thinks about Yoongi's favorite color. "Black! He wears black clothes! Always! Do we have black glitter, Y/N?"

She scrunches her nose at the first few oils, but one scent really lights up her face. "This smells like Appa! Can we use this?"

"We do, I didn't put it on the table because usually nobody wants it so it sits on the shelf, all by itself. I think the glitter finally deserves to be used!" You smile at the kid, grabbing the small container of glitter from the shelf and handing it over to Ara.

"We do have a few scents, would you like to smell them? Choose whichever you think smells the best and we can put a few drops in the wax,' you offer the bowl of different oils to Ara and help her open the lids.

Ara holds up the little bottle of rose oil and you smile to yourself. Black roses, that really seems to fit the impression you have of Mr. Min.

"Of course. Now, let's mix the glitter with the wax and we can put it into the mold. Alright, now stir it while i put in a few drops of the rose oil, okay?"

You guide her through the process, talking to her and listening to her rambling about the piano lessons Mr. Min gives her on a regular basis, just because Ara wants to be like her favorite man in the world.

"He is a great dad, Ara. You're so lucky to have him, I know that he must be sad sometimes too, but you're such a sunshine and help him as much as he helps you," you hug her from the side, enjoying the way Ara leans into the hug as well.

"I want a mom, but Appa is almost like a mom! He lets me paint his nails, goes to ballet with me and always bakes princess cookies for our tea parties!"

Ara giggles as she dips the wick into the liquid wax.

"Appa needs a woman to love, the only dates he goes to are work-dates with uncle Hyunjin," she says.

And yes, you think so as well.

One day around September, you decide that it’s definitely hot enough to prepare the blow-up outside pool for the kids, allowing them to change into their swimsuits and let them play around, even adding some bubbles to the water to let them experiment.

Mr. Min smiles at you, his gums fully showing and you can’t help but smile as well as you hear his words.

“And I think there’s no job that you could do better than this one.”

You’re sitting next to the pool on a bench in the shadow, reading some books to those few kids that don’t want to hop into the water as Ara jumps out of the pool.

“Y/N, come inside as well, it’s so nice!” She jumps up and down, her wet ponytail dripping onto her shoulders.

You pout, pointing to the kids next to you. “I can’t, you know that some of the kids are still afraid to go into the water with so many other children around. Maybe next time. Now, go and enjoy it, it’s super hot and I don’t know when autumn will come around and surprise us with bad weather!”

Ara nods quickly, hopping back into the water and continues splashing some water around with her friends, but she glances at you every few seconds. Then, she whispers with her two best friends before all three of them nod as they look at you.

Suddenly, they run towards you, surprising you with wet hugs and loud giggles, leaving your white summer dress almost see through.

Suddenly, there’s someone clearing his throat right behind you and you wish you could sink deep down into the pool once you see that it’s Mr. Min.

“Girls!,” you can’t help but yelp, the cold water causing you to jump up from the bench. Yet, you laugh with them, the cooling really helping you with the heat.

“You can’t just do that, Ara. Look at my dress now, you can almost see through it, you’re lucky that the parents won’t come in within the next two hours, otherwise they would see me like this,” you try to look stern, but to be honest: you would have done the same if you were Ara.

“Ara, why did you do that?,” he asks with his calm voice and tries his best not to look at your hardening nipples under the dress.

Ara’s bottom lip trembles as she looks at you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I just thought it would be funny…”

Mr. Min turns to you and bows slightly. “I’m sorry, she shouldn’t have done that. And well, I came to pick her up earlier because we will visit her grandparents over the weekend. I should’ve informed you earlier. Is there any way I can help you with your… erm, dress?”

Mr. Min nods at you, picking up his-still wet-daughter as he looks you up and down slow enough to leave goosebumps all over your skin once again.

You blush, shaking your head as you grab Ara’s clothes and hand her to her father.

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, it’s not your fault-and a water fight is too much fun to just not do it, right, Ara? It’s sunny enough so I’ll just bring the bench into the sun and I’ll be dry soon enough! I hope you’re having fun with your grandparents, Ara! Have a nice weekend, Mr. Min.”

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, really. You don’t know how many children happen to call one of us mom without realizing it. It’s nothing too wild, I’ve gotten used to it and I think especially in Ara’s case… It was supposed to happen, you know? I mean, I don’t want to intrude on your private life, but I suppose you’re not seeing another person and Ara isn’t growing up with other females, so she takes those she sees here as a female person to bond with, you know?”

“Thank you, mommy! Oh… I mean Y/N..,” Ara quirps as he turns around in her father’s arms, even though it doesn’t look like she’s really sorry at all.

“Ara!” Mr. Min gasps as he looks at his daughter.

Yoongi shakes his head. “I haven’t seen another woman ever since my wife died. Ara is the only woman in my life, the only one I give all my love to. She deserves it,” he sighs. “But you’re right, I think another female person would really help her with growing up. I just don’t want to introduce her to some random woman I might not even want to spend the rest of my life with. Is this egoistic?”

His honest words hit you, knowing how lonely he must be, all alone with his little girl and a bunch of work he has to do. “It’s not, Mr. Min. You don’t have to date just because you think it would be the best for Ara. There are many single fathers that raise their kids perfectly fine and I think you’re one of them! Ara never tells bad stories about you and I think you’re doing a really good job, spending all of your free time with her and allowing her to experience so many fun things. I’ve met so many ‘happy’ families that didn’t even manage to pack breakfast for their kids, so really, don’t break your head over something like this! I’m happy that Ara accepted me so much and that she always comes to me whenever she has a problem. This is why I chose my job.”

Over the next few months, Mr. Min is all that’s on your mind, even though you know how unprofessional it is, but he’s even kinder to you than he’s been before. You usually have a small chat with every parent whenever they bring or pick up their children, but Mr. Min makes sure to always catch you and ask you about your day, if there’s anything new in your life and you can’t help but ask him about his work and the songs he’s been working on as well.

“Ah, it’s really stressful right now. I’m working with this band that’s debuting soon and we have to prepare and finish the entire album I wrote about five songs for. They’re really good but still so young, I think the oldest is 16? Or was it 17? Whatever, that’s like ten years younger than me! I think I’ll grow grey hair soon when I keep on working with such young idols,” he sighs playfully as he helps Ara to put on her shoes and jacket.

“I mean, you’re not that old, Mr. Min. Don’t worry-as long as you keep that handful smile you will look like you’re straight out of some perfume poster. But I’d love to listen to one of your songs! I mean, if you’d let me,” you smile with honesty as you hand Ara her backpack.

Mr. Min shrugs, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he opens his Spotify account. He types something in and turns the screen towards you. AGUST D, it says. You scrunch your eyes at the name, trying to remember where you’ve known it from, but it doesn’t ring a bell right now.

“I’ll make sure to listen to some of your songs, I hope they aren’t too sad though, I prefer my music to be more… pop and rock?”

You cringe at your own words, hoping that the man knows what you were trying to say.

And fuck, you did like it. Turns out that AGUST D wasn’t some softie that plays guitar lullabies, no.

Yoongi cracks a grin, then winks at you playfull before he takes Ara’s hand after she said goodbye to you.

“I think you’re going to like it.”

AGUST D seems to be one of the best rappers in the music industry that you’ve ever been listening to. He sounds so aggressive and fast that you needed to listen twice to some of his songs to understand what he was saying, but you ended up adding much more songs into your playlist than you’d like to tell him.

But you did tell him.

“Oh, I’m not doing that crazy rap thing anymore. It was a phase, I guess. By now, I use the name to help smaller musicians and trainees, produce their songs and write their lyrics. It’s better to do so with a bigger name, but AGUST D died a long time ago, I guess I killed him.” Mr. Min says the next day.

"I mean, as long as you keep all of them on Spotify, I'm alright with that. Most of those songs match my aggressive driving vibe and I can't imagine driving to work without it." You try to joke before you realize what it must've sounded like. "Oh lord, I didn't mean it like that!"

You blush, trying to hide your reddened cheeks in your palms, but Mr. Min just laughs it off.

"Don't worry, I get what you mean. I usually play Love Talk as soon as i leave this building."

He even has the audacity to wink at you before he leaves with a grin, causing Ara to coo.

"Appa really likes you if he teases you!"

And the teasing goes on and on, there’s almost no day without a snarky comment from Mr. Min or a sarcastic comment from you-but neither of you takes those words to heart because that’s what you need in your lives, someone to laugh with, someone to make jokes with.

Even though there are plenty of other children in your group and so many parents you talk to daily, the only one you’re happy to see in the afternoon is Mr. Min.

The summer is long gone and fall said goodbye a few weeks ago, December came around and your little crush on Mr. Min isn’t as little anymore-and you can’t help yourself but wonder if he might be into you as well. You’ve shared a few noons talking about Ara’s development and if she’s ready for school next September, but most of the times you didn’t talk about the girl for more than thirty minutes before one of you switched the topic to something more private as the man leans closer to you and locks his gaze with yours.

You’re not as nervous around him as you were before and you can feel him starting to open up towards you as well. Yet, you’ve never met outside of the kindergarten, knowing it would be way too unprofessional and you’d never want to ruin the wonderful bond you share with Ara just because you’re desperate to jump into her father’s lap and call him Daddy too.

You’re not one of those women to go into a club and have a dirty one night stand with a random stranger, but you’ve been too busy to actually go and meet people, so you’ve kind of gotten used to being alone, even though you’re really missing late night cuddles and Disney marathons.

It’s Saturday afternoon and you’ve been strolling through the mall for a while now, looking for some christmas presents for your friends and family-but also wanting to treat yourself because work has been more than just exhausting lately.

You’ve been handling the entire group alone, having a lot more smaller children because new kids have been coming to kindergarten and having to deal with so many parents alone can be pure hell. Sadly enough you’re living all by yourself, only having a few close friends that don’t understand why you’re even doing this underpaid job and your last relationship crashed almost two years ago.

The mall looks amazing, beautiful christmas ornaments are hanging from the ceiling and there must be someone playing the piano somewhere because the soft melodic tunes fill the entire mall, reminding you of Mr. Min once again.

You just stepped out of a lingerie store, something you’re really passionate about even though nobody but yourself sees you in it, but you love the feeling of lace on your skin, love how beautifully the soft colors compliment your skin and love imagining Mr. Min ripping the soft material off you.

The small paper bag in your hand, you look around for another shop that might hold the next christmas present for one of your friends.

“Appa, please! I already have a picture but we need you to have one too!”

You know that voice too well to ignore it, searching the area for the small owner of it, giggling as you found her. Ara and Mr. Min are in the Santa area of the mall that gives you the ability to sit on Santa’s lap and take a picture with him as you tell him your biggest christmas wishes.

But the little girl is not sitting on Santa’s lap, she’s trying to push her father towards the man with the fake beard, clearly wanting him to sit down on that lap.

You giggle, walking towards them just to find out what’s going to happen.

“Ara, I’m too old and heavy for poor Santa, I think he prefers girls your age-wait, no not like that. I think he likes boys and girls-ugh. You’re driving me crazy, princess. Look, there’s a few other kids wanting to have their time with Santa as well, why don’t we just leave and try to find some more presents from the giftshop here, hm?” The man tries to talk his daughter into leaving the uncomfortable situation, but Ara is as stubborn as ever-she always gets what she wants, especially from her father.

“But… I want you to have pictures with Santa too!” She pouts, looking over at the confused Santa before she hears your giggle. “Y/N!”

Mr. Min turns around, a shocked expression on his face and a soft pink tint on his cheeks.

“Oh, Ms. Y/L/N. What a surprise.”

You giggle even more, stepping closer towards them. “Hello Ara, good afternoon Mr. Min,” you bow slightly before accepting the little girl’s hug.

“I see, you really want to sit on Santa’s lap, but Ara doesn’t want to let you because she’d be embarrassed.”

Yoongi hums in agreement. “Horrible, those children. I mean, I just want a nice christmas picture with Santa, but you know how they are… right before puberty hits them.”

“Y/N, Appa doesn’t want to take a picture with Santa, would you sit on his lap and take a picture for me?” Ara looks up at you with her big eyes and like always, you can’t say no. Instead, you hand Mr. Min your bags-not thinking about the fact that one of them is from the lingerie store-before taking Ara’s hand and walking over to the smiling Santa.

The picture is quickly taken and not even five minutes later, Mr. Min hands you your bags, whispering, so Ara wouldn’t hear you. “I think the peach one will suit you the best.”

Ara nods and rips the bags out of Mr. Min’s hands to show you her cute dresses and bows while the man just stares at you with an open mouth. Did you really just say that to him?

You gasp, hiding the bags behind your back but who are you to deny the fact that this man is the exact reason you stepped into the store?

“Thank you, I hope someone will get to see them before Christmas. It would be a shame to waste those pretty pieces for some lame mirror selfies,” you smile innocently before squatting down next to Ara. “Did you buy something nice yet?”

“Appa, we wanted to get hot chocolate, can Y/N come too please?”

Yoongi is speechless once more as he quietly follows his daughter and her kindergarten teacher towards the mall’s cafe-realizing that he shouldn’t have chosen his tightest pair of skinny jeans because somehow, they got quite uncomfortable as soon as you arrived.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at his daughter before he picks up all the dresses that Ara tried to shove back into the bags. “If she wants, she’s welcome to join, but I think you should ask her first, maybe she is busy.”

You blush at the invitation, not sure whether to accept it or not-but you’re not one to decline on hot chocolate. Smiling at Ara, you nod. “Show me where to get the best hot chocolate, I’m craving something sweet and thick down my throat.”

He watches you as Ara grabs your hand and swings them around with a soft giggle, heart warming as he sees your fond smile.

Ara talks about you a lot-hell, Yoongi asks about you a lot whenever Ara doesn't want to talk about you but watch her favorite show.

It's unprofessional and probably not allowed, Yoongi knows, but Ara leaves for school in March anyways, so who cares?

It's obvious to the both of you that you're interested in each other, the flirting and teasing coming to a point where Yoongi can't wait for another snarky remark of yours.

And now that he has the chance to sit and talk with you outside of your workplace, you just chose to buy a bag full of fucking beautiful lingerie (yes, Yoongi looked inside, no, he doesn't regret it).

Ara leads you into this beautiful cat cafe that apparently has "The best hot chocolate and bubble tea, but it's too cold for bubble tea… Can they make hot bubble tea?" as Ara says, earning a harsh "no" from Yoongi, because that's something he wishes for as well.

"Go find a place with Mr. Y/L/N, Ara. I'll get your order, yeah? What can I order for you?" Yoongi looks at you as he pulls out his wallet, giving you some time to read the menu.

"Oh, the candy cane hot chocolate, please! And please, as long as we are not talking inside the kindergarten, call me Y/N. I mean, you've seen my underwear, I think you deserve to call me by my name."

Yoongi blushes, nodding and rushes towards the cashier to order your drinks. You smile at the man, then at the cats-they look somewhat similar-before you sit down next to Ara who is currently petting four cats on her lap.

"They're adorable," you coo, "Do you have any pets?"

Ara nods with a big smile and hands you one of the cats, a pretty one with orange fur and big eyes.

"I have a turtle! Gukkie gave it to me and Appa didn't like it first, but I love her!"

You enjoy the cat's purring as you gently stroke her chin. "A turtle sounds lovely, I hope you can show it to me one day."

"Oh, that won't be a problem, I can invite you for dinner and Appa will get shy and red in the face, but he wouldn't say no because he's super soft for-" "ALPACAS! I'm soft for alpacas, haha, here we go, three hot chocolates."

Yoongi appears with a pained expression as he places your hot chocolate right in front of you.

"Thanks, Yoongi," you smile at the man and Yoongi swears that his heart stopped beating for a second. "I'm soft for Alpacas as well."

Right after you all finished your drinks, Ara decides that it’s time to walk through the mall once more, just to make sure that Santa is still there and will take another picture with hot chocolate-filled Ara.

“Did you enjoy your date with Y/N, Appa?” She looks up at her father as you walk towards the mall. Yoongi trembles, blushing brightly. “I’m pretty sure this wasn’t a date, Ara. Don’t assume things like this, it’s rude,” he mumbles as he gently pets her head to make sure she isn’t hurt by his comment.

You giggle, whispering loud enough for Yoongi to hear. “I really liked it, Ara. Your Appa can be funny if he wants to.”

The picture with Santa comes out pretty, even though the man groaned as two grown adults decided to sit on each of his legs, the bright smiling Ara kneeling in front of them. But it’s really worth it, because Yoongi’s smile never leaves his lips this evening, gums showing beautifully on the picture and you quickly make sure to get a copy of that picture as well.

Yoongi’s eyes widen. “So was this a… you know?” It’s endearing, how shy he suddenly seems to be. You’ve never seen him like this. Stressed, overworked and happy - yes. Shy and blushing? Never.

You nod with a soft smile as you lay your hand on his shoulder.

“Yes, I’d like that to be a ‘you know what’, Yoongi.”

You can't even tell when the two of you officially started dating, but you'll never forget the first kiss you've shared during one of your walks-thanks to Ara for snapping a picture of it. Yoongi's hands wrapped around your waist, eyes clenched shut and lips curled in a soft smile as fresh snow fell down on you.

Seeing Yoongi at work wasn’t as weird as you had expected it to be, it’s quite the opposite. He’s attentive and lovely, bringing you fresh croissants or donuts every morning or puting little chocolate for you and Ara in his daughter’s lunchbox.

He’s caring, picking you up after your shift to invite you to dinners and walks through the forest with Ara, because that little girl just loves walking in the fresh snow that has started to fall recently. She takes pictures of your footprints with Yoongi’s phone and makes him promise to print it for her to hang up.

“Of course I can, Ara. You’re already wearing your sleeping clothes and you’ve brushed your teeth with Appa, so hurry up and pick out the book you want me to read!”

Ara grows closer and closer to you, until that one day where you stay over the Min’s house for dinner, she asks you to bring her to bed.

“Can she, Appa? I want her to read my favorite bedtime story to me! Please, Y/N,” Ara looks up at you with a pout, her beautiful eyes-that remind you of Yoongi-sparkling with admiration.

That girl really makes your heart melt, combined with the soft smile that Yoongi gives you. And suddenly, you feel like you’re meant to be here, helping that man that you’ve grown so close to, helping the girl that lost her mother way too early and maybe even helping yourself with accepting that love really comes unexpectedly.

You gently tuck the soft blanket over Ara and place her favorite stuffie next to her as you smile at the girl fondly. "Sleep well, Ara," you whisper quietly, trying not to wake her up.

"Kissies, please," she mumbles sleepily and makes grabby hands towards you.

"Ara, I-" "Please," she whines and opens her eyes, tears starting to build up.

"Okay, it's okay, Ara." You swipe her hair out of her face before you plant a soft little kiss onto the girl's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Y/N. Will you be there tomorrow morning?"

Your smile fades, unsure if you really want to tell the little girl the truth.

"Probably not, I have to get ready for work. You know that I love to wear dresses on Thursdays and I didn't bring mine. But we will see each other in the kindergarten!"

"Okay," she whispers before she falls back into a quiet slumber.

Yoongi has cleaned the kitchen in the meantime and poured more wine for the both of you to enjoy in front of the fireplace.

"She really adores you," he says as you sit down next to him, sipping the rosé Yoongi bought just for you.

"And I adore her. She's an angel. Thank you for allowing me to spend so much time with her, Yoon."

Yoongi blushes again, shaking his head. The greyish blonde hair got messier as the evening passed. "No, Y/N. You're the first mother-figure Ara has, I have to thank you in both mine and Ara's name. I know that dating a single father is a lot, but you're accepting my family so well… I never thought I'd find another woman in my life again. Ever since my wife died, it was hard for me to even look at other women, let alone build up something like a relationship with them because I always felt bad. But that's what she would have wanted for me. To love again, to not waste my last handsome days," his lips curl into a smirk before he shakes again.

Then, his sharp eyes met yours and soften within seconds.

"I… I don't know if it's the right time, we've known each other for two years, we've been officially dating for only three weeks, but I think I won't change my mind about it-no I know that I won't change my mind. I love you, Y/N. And I know that Ara loves you too."

You gasp, lips beginning to tremble once your eyes meet Yoongi's. "Yoongi…," you whisper before you place your glass on the table and basically jump onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you first. I love you so much, Yoongi. I've had this stupid crush on you ever since you saw me in that wet dress, ever since you've shown me your music. Ever since I've seen you being the wonderful father you are-and that's so sexy, you can't even imagine."

Yoongi smirks as his hands find their place on the curve of your ass. "Sexy, huh? Me, doing the laundry and cooking dinner? Or me walking Ara to kindergarten with the homemade lunch boxes? That turns you on?"

You laugh, hiding your face in his neck as you lean closer to press your lips against his ear.

"All of that-and the way that you love Ara with all your heart, that's maybe the sexiest thing about you."

The man groans as he grabs you even tighter. "I never thought that sweet talk would turn me on even more than dirty talk," he laughs shakily as he wiggles his hips slightly to get into a more comfortable position that won't suffocate his hardening erection.

You sigh, sit up and run your hands through his hair. "Isn't all of this too early? I always tell myself that I shouldn't fall so fast, but here I am, ready to go every step with you."

Yoongi nods before he presses a peck on your nose. "Same, but we have all the time on earth. Ara wants us to get married by tomorrow, but I'm sure she'll survive it if we decide to postpone it for a few weeks."

You giggle as you look over your shoulder to the fireplace. "Did someone ever suck you off in front of a fireplace? Isn't this the definition of Christmas?"

The man underneath you gasps in shock. "No, but… I mean, I… You don't… have to?"

Laughing, you slide out of his lap and onto the floor, thankful for the soft carpet. "I want to, bubs. I wouldn't do something either of us isn't comfortable with. I assume you're alright with it?"

"Of course, but… I guess nobody ever did it because they wanted to, but because they feel like they had to?"

You raise an eyebrow at him, obviously disappointed in his previous partners.

"It's as much fun and pleasure for me as it is for you, believe me, Yoon. Now lay back and enjoy, yeah?" You give him a calming smile as you open his pants carefully, then sliding them down his toned legs.

You press kisses all around his thighs to warm him up to the feeling, knowing that it has to be overwhelming to have some that close after all that time. Then, you gently remove his boxer shorts as well, leaving him bare and proud in front of you.

You groan as you start to stroke his cock, earning a low growl from Yoongi. "So beautiful," you whisper, then you take him into your mouth, getting a feeling for the weight on your tongue before you start bopping your head.

Yoongi tries to contain himself, knowing that Ara could wake up every second, but alone the sight in front of him could make him come with a scream.

Instead, he cups your cheek, feeling the bulge that he causes there. Another groan leaves his lips.

You look up at him, smirking-or trying to, with a mouth full of cock-and leading his hand into your hair, using it to push you down even more.

Yoongi's eyes lighten up. "Really?"

You almost laugh out, but you're doing your best to contain yourself and nod, placing your hands on his thighs to stop whenever you can't take it anymore. Yoongi is long and thicker than the average you've had before, but it's a challenge that's worth it.

He pushes you down slowly, enjoying the hot warmth of your mouth and then your throat as he pushes in-surprised that you didn't really gag around him.

Spit trickles down your chin as he moves faster, thrusting his hips to meet the movements of his hand and enjoying the gurgling sounds you make.

He comes far to quick for his own liking, shooting his load down your throat with a quiet groan. "Fuck."

You giggle as you swallow what he gives you, standing up to sit back on his lap to kiss him.

"You're welcome."

Then, before you can grab your wine again, he flips you around and goes on his knees in front of you. "My turn," he smirks, eyes shining dangerously behind his fringe.

"Yoongi, I-," you try to say, but he shushes you with a sloppy kiss.

"I know that I have to, but believe me: I love giving pleasure more than receiving it."

You pout, hands running through his soft hair.

"I didn't shave…," you whisper, a bit ashamed because you didn't come prepared, not thinking that this would be happening today.

The man in front of you raises an eyebrow.

"Do you think I am a 15 year old, pre puberty fuckboy that cares about shaved pussies? It's natural, love. Even if you can't believe it: I grow hair too, nobody is freshly shaved every day. I don't mind that, okay? Now, stop pouting and let me do my work, will you? Can you be a good girl and do that for me? All you've got to do is lean back, open your legs, throw them around my shoulders and let me devour you."

His shameless words turn you on, you can't even deny it-especially not when your panties are that damp. So, you naturally obey and help him to remove your pants.

"I told you, peach is your color," Yoongi groans in his deep Satoori as he looks at your clothed core. The peach colored lace has darkened from your arousal and the man can't help it but press his face against the material, licking one bold stripe over it.

Nobody has ever done that to you, rather pulled them off in a hurry because they thought that body fluids were disgusting, but Yoongi didn't seem to mind as he gently bites your folds through the lace.

"God," you moan in pleasure as Yoongi finally pulls your panties to the side and spits onto your pussy, making it even wetter.

You're a whimpering mess as soon as Yoongi's tongue is on you, flicking and playing with your clit, collecting your juices and spreading them all over your pussy. You've read about that before; men eating pussy like they're starving, but Yoongi is somewhat different.

He eats pussy like he wants you to always remind it, to make you obedient and never being able to enjoy anyone else doing that job.

He does it well-of course. His tongue is as fast as he's been spitting rhymes on his mixtape, and you're more than thankful for that.

He doesn't even get to use his fingers before your orgasm approaches you, strong waves of pleasure hitting you as Yoongi keeps on kissing and slowly licking you through your high.

Then, he grins at you. "Round two, here we go."

And this time, it's not only his tongue working wonders, but also his fingers stroking you on the inside until they found your spot.

You press your hands on your mouth to keep yourself from screaming out loud, hips bucking wildly as you come for a second time within less than ten minutes. And again, Yoongi guides you through it and softly caresses your stomach.

"Fuck, I love you," you pant as he comes back up and steals a kiss from you.

"I can't wait to have you in my bed properly," he whispers and takes a large sip from his wine.

You can only agree.

You've started to spend the nights at Yoongi's more often, bringing Ara to work with you and helping Yoongi with her and the household whenever you can. Your relationship blooms beautifully and Ara is the happiest little bean when you're around.

Obviously, you spent Christmas with Yoongi and Ara as well, buying little presents and enjoying the comfortable atmosphere with the family.

Yoongi gave you a spare key to his house, so you're always able to visit them, spending the nights there and soon enough, you moved in.

❄❄❄❄

The Christmas after that, you surprised Ara with the adoption papers, telling her that now that she's in school and not one of your kindergarten kids anymore, she'll be able to finally call you Mommy (not that Ara minded before, you just felt weird and guilty about it).

And here you are now, preparing the huge breakfast for your third Christmas around, smiling at the ring that adorns your finger.

"Smells fabulous, Mama," Ara says as she runs towards you and falls into your arms.

"Do you want me to help you with dessert, Mrs Min?" Yoongi asks as he presses a kiss onto your cheeks. You lean into his touch, shaking your head. "It's almost done. You can go into the living room, I'll be there in a minute to open our presents, bubs."

Yoongi prepares the fireplace, lightens some candles with Ara and lets his daughter hand out the presents.

"I have one more for you, Yoon," you whisper as you hand him a small box.

"Oh? Can I open this first?" He tilts his head curiously, shaking the light box.

"Open!" Ara squeaks and sits down between her father and you. You nod with a fond smile as Yoongi lifts the top. Then, silence.

"Really?" He whispers with teary eyes.

"Yes, finally," you smile, "Ara, you'll become a big sister!"

Yoongi sniffs, hugging his family tight.

"And she'll be the best sister in the world. Merry Christmas, loves."

#bts #bts fic #min yoongi x reader #single dad yoongi #ksmutclub #bangtansmutcentral #bangtanarmynet #suganetwork #yoongi fic #yoongi fanfiction #min yoongi #yoongi smut #magicshopnet #bts smut #bts fluff #christmas fic #bts christmas #christmas collab

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hanjizung · 3 years

Text

Stranger Danger.

Lee Minho x Reader x Bang Chan

Word count: 3.1K

♡ Warnings ♡: SMUT, stablished relationship, open relationship, threesome, drinking, use of alcohol, voyeurism, vaginal & anal sex, unprotected & protected sex, use of lubrication, name calling, mentions of jealousy, slightly choking, hair pulling, creampie.

This was a request i got some time ago from this prompt list. [ 35) “Maybe I should get you a collar so you don’t forget who you belong to.”] I hope you all enjoy this!

Completely drunk, you tripped with your own feet, separating from the needy kiss to laugh at your carelessness and then pushing the guy you were with against your front door, your fingers got a hold of your keys quickly and magically they found their way to the lock.

The handsome stranger whose name you remembered to be something like Christian, Charlie –or just anything starting with C– continued to kiss your neck, leaving purpling bruises along your skin.

You opened the door, making Chase fall backward when you turned the doorknob to open it and get inside to continue your passionate encounter in the privacy of your home.

Again, you laughed and helped him stand still and close the door behind you, throwing your keys to the coffee table and letting your bag fall to the floor. Clayton missed no time in getting back at you, pushing you against the door and pinning your hands above your head. At this point your legs were already starting to shake, all the buildup of the moment since he told you hello at the club had been a great start, the jokes he'd told you, the flirty comments he allowed himself to say with a smirk and the way he let his large hands travel all over your body when you two were pushed together when dancing were the cause of this.

Of course, maybe this unholy state of horniness was also triggered by grand amount of alcohol you drank since you arrived at the place, but also because since a few days before you were feeling extra needy, and your hands and toys weren't enough to satisfy you anymore, you were craving a real man.

And this Christoph guy really offered to help you, when you grinded against him for the first time while dancing and he held you tight and growled in your ear. It had been a fantastic view, your hand on his cheek, his on your hip and his eyes closed with his nose scrunched and moving so he growled right in your ear. It turned you like you've never felt before.

You jumped after he indicated you to do so, carrying you to the nearest surface where he could start what he was there for.

Taking off your top, you threw it to the coffee table behind you, returning your attack to his mouth, your tongue all the way on his mouth savoring the alcohol he was drinking earlier with you.

The guy was as excited as you were, his hands were on your hips, his grip there being strong enough to leave some mark, and your hands took advantage of the position, touching his well marked abdomen and feeling his muscles.

Unluckily, all the fun that was about to happen ended when the front door opened again and the light turned on, and standing by the front door with a case that you knew was full of his own clothes and some gifts for you, stood your boyfriend.

He wasn't pissed, clearly. You'd call the expression on his face something more like 'amusement', as he enjoyed the view of you on top of some other guy. A raised eyebrow and devilish smile soon replaced the previous expression of surprise.

"Who is that?" the guy under you asked, but you just rolled your eyes and tried to kiss him. He didn't seem to be a bit bothered, as you felt the lack of a bulge against you.

"Oh, she didn't tell you about me? I'm Minho, her boyfriend" he answered for you, taking his jacket off and sitting on a couch next to where you were with the blond hottie.

"You have a boyfriend?" blondie asked. You nodded, not ashamed.

"We have an open relationship. Now please, weren't you going to fuck me?" you pouted, going near his ear to murmur something only he could hear. "I'm so needy, I've been so alone and I need to be filled, please help me…" and you looked at him, with your best puppy eyes.

Muscles smiled, shrugging. "If your boyfriend doesn't mind, I might as well help the pretty damsel then" he said, pulling you in for a kiss.

Minho sat silently, his eyes looking at every move and every touch of you with the other guy, he was paying special attention when you left little moans that encouraged the other man to do what you liked.

No name had special skills, his hands ghosting on your thighs as you grinded on him desperately, his hard cock hitting you again where it was before, and surprisingly, in the blink of an eye, Nameless had you under him, your panties on the floor and his fingers tracing circles around your clit, teasing you and causing you to close your eyes with a sigh, enjoying the attention that he was giving you.

Having your legs wide open, you knew that Carlos wasn’t the only one paying attention to the way your body was reacting; the way his long fingers made you drip, and how hot it was to be supervised by Minho. You were enjoying every second of this situation; being the center of attention and feeling so spoiled from how good you were being treated.

Long fingers suddenly entered you, making you moan and bite your lip. The guy who was between your legs added his thumb to the mixture and started massaging your clit in slow circles, he was making you feel amazing, but yet when you opened his eyes, you couldn't look at him, focusing on Minho instead. He had his hands on his thighs, the bulge in his pants allowed you to know what you already suspected, he was enjoying the show, maybe a little too much.

Connecting his eyes with yours, Minho smiled. That's when you tried to provoke him, moving one of your fingers to your lips and playing with them before allowing it to enter your mouth. You pretended that it was his hand instead, licking the index finger once and once again, until he couldn't resist and succumbed to your game, undoing his belt and taking his cock in his hands. You could see his tip leaking some precum, which he used to lubricate the rest of himself before he continued to enjoy the performance.

The unknown guy inserted another finger in you, making you squirm and moan particularly loudly –mostly because you wanted to give a proper show to your beloved boyfriend, but truly the guy knew what he was doing– and one of your hands went to take off the clothes that covered your hardened nipples, pinchen them between your pointer finger and your thumb and biting your lip, trying to look as the sexiest person alive. Your eyes traveled down to where he had his hand busy, and your mouth watered.

Minho had his cock in his hand, he was stroking it lazily, his fingers were so elegantly wrapped around it and his length was slightly glistening from the lubrication he provided, the illumination wasn't very good, but you were sure that you were a lucky one for being able to see him in that state; he seemed like he was one of those old fancy paintings that was controversial during the old days, his expression of pleasure when he closed his eyes in ecstasy and the wink he gave you when he saw you looking at him, plus the fingers that were inside you… you saw him mouthing you name and that was all it took to have you orgasm around the hottie's fingers, mumbling pure nonsense because your mind was blinded from how you felt.

You lied there, with your legs open and panting heavily, trying to recover from how intense that orgasm had been. Once you opened your eyes again, you looked into the blonde's lustful eyes and went "I want you to fuck me real hard" with your best puppy expression.

The giggle that came out of his mouth was adorable, but you didn't have time to think of that when you pulled his hand so he would be above you, him trying to steady himself to not fall on you and once he was steady, he aligned his cock with your entrance, you could already feel it, waiting for it so expectantly like a kid on a toy store…

Only to be left disappointed when Minho stood up and stopped the guy by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't think I ever caught your name," Mimho said, grinning at him because he knew he ruined the experience for the both of you.

"I'm Chris, or Chan if you like that better. Do you have a problem? I thought you guys were okay with this" he said, removing himself from you. You rolled your eyes, but said nothing, waiting for Minho to handle the situation.

"Actually, yes, now that you ask, there is a little problem, but I think we can work together to solve it, depending on what Y/N says, of course" you looked at him with wide eyes when you heard your name, then looked at Chan to find him looking at you as well.

"Y/N, baby, you know you're precious and real hot stuff, I've missed you too, sexy, and I'm a little jealous that you're letting him fuck you first. What if we make an arrangement, huh?" he asked.

With an arched eyebrow, you answered him "what are you asking me, exactly?"

And the answer to your own question didn't come from him, surprising you.

"I think he wants me to fuck your ass… are you really okay with that? Of course you don't have to, you can suck me off too" Chris said, looking at Minho who nodded, and then at you.

Not answering, you stood up and ran to your room, bringing a half filled bottle of lube that you handed to Chan who was still on the couch.

"Good girl, God, I knew that you would be greedy enough to take the both of us at the same time. You, stand up" he said to Chris, who quickly followed your boyfriend's order.

Minho sat on the couch, taking off all his clothes and then making you sit on him, pumping himself a few times before entering you. Your previous climax helped for you to adjust to his size, and once you felt ready you simply nodded.

Chan seemed to understand, squirting a bit of lube on your asshole and massaging you gently for a few seconds. He pushed your back to Minho's chest, exposing your bottoms to him, and being this close to Minho, you heard him clearly when he spoke to you.

“Maybe I should get you a collar so you don’t forget who you belong to, hmm? What do you think, would you like that, kitten? A pretty collar with my name on it so you know who's your owner?" he asked, voice deep and serious to demonstrate his dominant voice. You felt his hand petting your hair gently when he was done asking you. Your cheeks blushed intensely at his words, an inevitable whimper coming out of your lips caused by the effect his questions had in you, but said nothing because you knew the way your walls tightened round him were enough reaction for him.

Behind you, you felt Chan aligning his member to enter you, the tip of a condom that you've never realized exactly when he put it on making you squirm in excitement as you turned your neck to look at him through your lashes, waiting for him to finally enter you and be destroyed by the two of them.

Chris smiled at you gently, and placing his hands on your hips to hold you still, he finally entered you. He started slowly, afraid of hurting you much from this weird sensation that you'd never grow accustomed to at all, and you opened your mouth, face resting on Minho's chest as you felt every inch of Chan going deeper into you. It was like that until he stopped, staying still for you to get used to the feeling of something inside your ass.

"Y-you can move now" you babbled, not only at Chan but to Minho as well, you were positive your body could take them at the same thought.

After hearing you, Chan growled under his breath, pulling out from you at the same pace he had entered you; under you, Minho placed his hands on your thighs and tried his best to do the same as Chan and finally start the real party, there was no ending to his plans until he had you screaming his name in pleasure.

Soon, the three of you found a good pace to follow, and then all that could be heard on your small department was the hurried breathing of the three of you, along with the particular noise of naked skin against more skin and your moans, crying out from how overwhelmed you felt. It was weirdly unexplainable, you felt amazing being with the two of you, but you felt so good that you couldn't think straight anymore.

Chan's hand snaked on your back until he reached your hair, his fingers tangling themselves on locks of your hair and suddenly pulling it, dragging a surprised scream from your throat.

Minho took that opportunity to his advantage, having you away from him but still inside you, he could clearly see you from under, appreciating how much of a goddess you seemed, he was enamored with everything of you, also seeming amazed at the fact of how much he was enjoying to see you being used by another man while you still showed that you preferred him over them.

He raised one of his hands to play with your chest, playing with your nipples with one hand as the other hand went higher to wrap itself around your exposed neck, it became too much of a te ration for him to simply ignore, so he squeezed you gently, carefully because you had too much going on already.

Meanwhile, Chan pulled you towards by your hair towards his chest. He wasn't as gentle as Minhon was trying to be, but the contrast of that excited you more.

His hand traveled across your stomach, you felt his hand touching every inch of skin that was on the way to where he was going, and when he reached there, he started leaving little kisses on your back, his fingers rubbing your clit and making you shake a little.

Upon seeing what he was doing, Minho stopped playing with your nipples to grab one of your hands that were holding his wrist, tangling his fingers with yours. From the was your oussy started to contract and the tears forming on the corner of your eyes, he knew that you were close.

His other hand left your throat free as he looked for your other hand to hold it as well, he wanted to let you know that he was there for you, and that he was paying attention to your reactions.

"I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum!" you cried out, causing Minho to smile gently and to move his hips to thrust as hard as he could into you to bring you over the edge.

He succeeded, and your mind went blank while strange noises of satisfaction came from you and your interiors squeezed Minho deliciously, he loved the face you made when you orgasmed, and adding that he was still inside you, he came a few seconds after you, letting all of him paint your interiors with his seed.

Judging by the lack of thrust from his counterpart, Minho realized that Chan had also found his release, removing his hand from your clit to wrap it around your waist until his orgasm was gone.

You lasted like that for a few minutes, being hold by Chan's powerful arms and eyes lazily open to look down at Mimho with a soft smile, you weren't sure if you were done for the night, the only thing you knew was that you were feeling tired.

Removing his hand from your hair, Chan freed himself of your hair and let you position yourself however you wanted above Minho, pulling out from you and taking off the used condom, standing up from the couch to throw it to the trash without saying anything, giving you and Minho a bit of privacy.

"Round two?" Minho asked you quietly, kissing your forehead and then pushing you back so he could get out of your sensitive pussy.

"Let me rest for a bit and then we can start again" you replied, picking Minho's shirt from the floor and cleaning his cum from your dripping pussy.

Chan came back and looked at the two of you with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you say of a round two, Channie?" you asked him playfully. He made a surprised face at your sudden question.

"Are you sure you can take more?" he said. You heard Mimho scoff next to you.

"I told you, she's my greedy kitten, always want more" he told him, "you're up for a next round, then? This time I'll let you her pussy, I have an idea of how we can shut her up, it's late and we don't want to wake the neighbors, right?" Minho said, turning his head to give you a playful smile.

"Sure, let's leave them sleep" you rolled your eyes. "Before we start again, can I propose that we move to the bedroom?" you looked at Minho who simply shrugged and nodded, so you turned your head to Chan to tell him where it was located, not that he needed to know because he had already found the bathroom on his own, but to let him go before you so you could breath and get mentally ready, excitement flowing on your skin.

Chan left, leaving you and Minho alone again. Your boyfriend politely gave you a hand so you could stand up from the couch, pulling your hand towards him so he could embrace you, kissing you harshly and as passionately as he wanted to do since he entered the house again, haply that he was finally able to do it.

"You're gonna be the fucking death of me, Y/N. You're a demon, you know that, right?" he whispered on your face, before kissing you again and leaving you out of breath.

"My wicked little angel, we should've done this sooner, you look so fucking hot when you're crying from pleasure, baby" and after saying that to you, he left in the direction of your room, leaving you behind to think.

You breathed in before going after them, stretching and cleaning the sweat off your forehead, product of the activity done before, and when you felt like you were ready, you went to your destination.

"Let's start the second round."

#stayverse #skz smut #skz fanfiction #stray kids smut #stray kids fanfiction #bang chan x reader #chan x reader #minho x reader #lee know x reader #chan x you #lee know x you #minho x you #chan smut #minho smut #bang chan smut #lee know smut #mine #original content

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illyaana · 3 years

Text

Credits to @breakingpengui1 to the Tendou fanart! Do check them out, I stalked them for almost two hours- ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Fantasy Collab by @bluebellhairpin

God I'm sorry it took so long TwT I wanted to make this really good so TwT (don't think I did it) Do check out the other works involved!! I am also thinking of making this a three-part series 'cause I have some ideas on this and I took way to long on this, so let me know if you want me to do it!!

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Like my writing? Do you want a drabble specifically made for you about your love life with a character of your choosing? Check out my 50 followers event over here!

Tags: Fantasy AU, Soulmate AU, Fluff, Angst, Royal! Y/N x Werewolf! Tendou

Word Count: 2611

There was a time when the world of the supernatural was one of peace and harmony.

Magia, the realm of magic and the supernatural being, was one filled with mysteries and beauty.

Plants would dance to the rhythm made by the woodland creatures. Fairies and elves would sing songs in praise of the wondrous views and people who nurtured the lands and made it the beauty it was today.

Mermaids and the life under the wide oceans and seas shared the riches of the water with those on land to make both worlds something to gaze upon.

Yet, it all changed when humans found something within them.

Greed and Pride - the recipe to the fall of Magia.

Now, the land of the supernatural isn’t like the ones stated in fairy tales and stories by the Grimm Brothers of Hans Christen Andersen.

It is one where sins are not shunned but encouraged.

Kings and queens interfere with the peace once built by the people to become one of villainy and devilish intentions - pillaging and conquering lands to become stronger and “better”.

The ones labelled “magical” or “not human” were either killed or hidden far away, never to be seen once again.

You were born into this - this world filled with anguish and pain.

You were born to be on the top of the food chain - to rule a twisted and dark country: Thelphs.

“Y/N, don’t writhe in pain. You are next-in-line for the throne - a simple wound like this should not make you fall.”

“Y/N, a leader never hides away from death - they face it and make it their weapon.”

“Hold your sword higher! You need the correct angle to slice through someone cleanly!”

“Do not taint the name of Thelphs, young one - death is not the thing you should be worried of but me.”

“If you don’t win, you are no longer my kin.”

Your father’s words rang in your head as you reached the land of Aldis - the land that never fell to the wants of humanity and shunned it.

Aldis protected the supernatural world. They were the ones who held onto the desire to make Magia what it was many, many years ago.

It was known for the beauty it held - the flowers were said to sing songs every day and every night and the mountains shook the ground once a month to say thank you to their valiant effort in protecting what the world of Magia should be.

And yet here you are; leading a line of men wielding swords and cannons aplenty to kill the very thing the world should be.

“Onward,” you shouted as you and your man marched down the stone roads of Aldis, “Fight, my people - fight for Thelphs, fight for your King!”

You pulled the sword sheathed in your belt and pointed towards the land before you. Soon, an uproar formed from the men behind you as you all marched towards the lines of houses.

You begged your humanity to hide as you wielded the weapon in your hand and slashed through hundreds of innocent people.

You begged your ears to close just for a few hours so that the screams of children could not enter as you pillaged their homes, reaping all their goods.

You felt the ground shake below you, trying its best to stop you from killing any more living things, yet you couldn’t.

A haze formed in front of your eyes, hiding all of your caring sides. You could only feel bloodlust - the need to slaughter and to feel the blood of others on you.

It was no use. Your feet, despite being on a moving floor, were still holding on to the ground, The grip you hand on your sword didn’t loosen and tightened.

If you were meant to be a machine designed to kill, you needed to carry out your job properly to ensure you aren’t thrown away.

The fairies soon came to attack you and your men, but you couldn’t kill it.

It was the first time you saw one that had magical abilities. The beauty it held entranced you.

Their wings were translucent. The light that hit it would change colour thanks to the dust that left its wings, forming somewhat of a halo around them. Their hair reached the very bottom of their legs. It swished back and forth as they flew towards you.

A pang was felt in your heart when you remembered your father’s words.

He said the fairies were ones who never cared about humans and instead mooch humans to live.

They were pests that needed to be killed, according to him.

But they are fighting alongside humans right now to protect their homes.

It was clear your father’s words were far from the truth, yet you needed to follow his wants, his needs.

You begged your limbs to move on their own so that you didn’t feel the piles of flesh go through your blade.

But you couldn’t.

You had to stay conscious through all the pain and misery you were giving to those who didn’t even deserve it.

The mixture of both human and fairy blood soaked your inner shirt, forever staining it.

The once grey tiles that covered the floor of Aldis now are forever painted red, and it was thanks to your orders.

You walked through the mountains of bodies, the blood streaming from them staining your shoes.

This was your fault.

This was all your fault.

You looked up to the sky, praying for the rain to fall and wash away your sins, but you could only see the clear, blue sky staring back at you. The clouds moved slowly through the pale blue background midst hiding the Sun’s blinding light away from you.

Semi, your commander soon stood beside you.

“My liege-”

“I killed them - I killed angel-like fairies. I killed humans, I made the ground shake - literally - and I killed the first-ever fairy I have seen. How did my father do this and still walk around Thelphs with no regrets?”

“Y/N...” Semi said, trying to console you.

But you could only laugh.

This.

This is what it means to be human- to kill those who don’t deserve to be killed.

“I can’t handle this anymore, Semi. I want to end this - all of this - so badly, yet I can’t even fight my own father.”

You turned your face to look at your childhood friend.

He too felt the same way you did - his eyes said everything.

Behind the coffee-coloured eyes hid guilt, sorrow and pain.

His face filled with the dust and smoke from the bombs that your men slung to this land. Yet, some streaks were starting from his eyes to the ends of his chin that were clean. Blood dripped from the top of his forehead down to his lips, leaving half of his face coloured in crimson.

Your thoughts rang clearly after looking at the man before you.

It was no longer about wanting to end it, you had to.

You placed your hand on his shoulder, “I will end this, Semi - this unneeded suffering and killings - I’ll end it all.”

He gave a teary smile to you. “Please, Y/N. I don’t think I can do this until I die.”

You pulled a handkerchief you kept in your pocket and proceeded to wipe the blood off his face.

“I can’t, too. This guilt,” you shook slightly, tears threatening to fall, “This guilt is too much to bear.”

He raised his hand and wiped off the tears.

“My liege, you need to be strong. We’re going to face the people we’ve committed countless sins against. Impersonate the devil - be the evil person you aren’t to protect the name of Thelphs.”

He took the blood-soaked handkerchief from your hand and threw it to the floor, “After all, what but devils would do what we did?”

Your heart broke at the words muttered by the man before you.

He was the furthest thing from a devil.

He was the man who comforted you when you were crying.

He was the man who took your pain and gave you nothing but light and joy.

Yet he stood in front of you - covered in blood both his and others with a strong resolve.

You stared at him, anger flaring in your orbs.

“You are the furthest thing from a devil, Semi Eita. But, we are controlled by one. Innocent ones like you should have never fallen into his tricks.”

He was taken aback by what you said. Tears soon fell from his eyes, sobs that he hid from you all these years came flowing like an endless howl.

He placed his head against the corner of your neck. Your shirt slowly began taking in his tears as they trickled down your neck.

You wrapped your arms around his figure. It was your time to comfort him.

Once he stopped crying, he wiped his tears and gripped your shoulders. “We need to go to the riverbank now.”

You nodded and let Semi lead you to the body of water.

You saw how the people tried to protect themselves from your men. They formed a circle with the younger ones in the middle. The ones on the circumference of the circle gripped on their small blades as they threatened your armoured soldiers.

They cared for each other.

The strong wanted to protect the weak; they were willing to sacrifice their lives so that the legacy of Aldis lived on through the young.

“Bring out the carriages,” you told your men. They immediately nodded and proceeded to follow the orders issued.

You turned to the people you’ve captured. A smile managed to reach your lips as they looked at your figure with fear.

“I do not wish any harm on you. We’re just going to make all of you line up and bring you to Thelphs - that is it,” you finished.

Most of them nodded in fear, yet there was one who refused to listen.

His hands had burned aplenty, instantly telling you that he was an ironsmith. He wasn’t rich - the clothes he wore were tattered, many of the holes were formed through his hours in iron crafting, presumably. Yet, you didn’t doubt his skill in fighting. The way he held the sword spoke more than words. The way his fingers comfortably wrapped around the leather handle made you feel some sort of pride within.

He was a person of valour and determination.

In almost seconds, he lunged in your direction.

You didn’t want to take out your sword. It felt like the man needed to hurt you in some way to make himself feel relaxed.

You gripped on the handle of your sword but didn’t have the heart to pull it out of your sheath.

You closed your eyes, waiting for the small tip of the blade to pierce through your skin. You wanted to feel your skin tear from the man’s undying resolve.

But it never came.

Instead, you heard the clashing of metal against metal.

Semi had rushed to protect you using his shield.

He stared at you, anger visible in his eyes.

“You made me a promise, Y/N. Don’t you dare take the easy way out.”

You could only smile and nod at the ash grey-haired male in front of you.

You teared your gaze from Semi to the man before you.

The disappointment and vengeance in him began to grow. The flame he once held within grew into a blazing fire.

“Why? Why attack us?” he began.

“We did nothing to you. We protected ourselves and helped others who needed us. We never bothered Thelphs - not even once, so why?”

You couldn’t reply - your morals would’ve gotten the best of you.

“Chain them all to each other - take all their weapons or anything sharp. We’re going back to Thelphs as winners, we don’t need the scars to prove it.”

You heard the roars of the men who stood before you. In their eyes, they believed all they’ve done is for the betterment of the world you all lived in.

But you knew what hid behind the tapestry that was woven by your father - destruction.

You bit your lip, not wanting to ruin the cheerful moment your men were having - all you could do was stare at Semi and let your eyes speak of all the pain you were feeling.

From afar, you heard a howl that woke up your numb senses.

Werewolves.

Joy graced the victims of your purge.

Their saviours came, ready to vanquish you and your men.

“They said the future leader of Thelphs was one ruthless and evil miscreant, yet they seem awfully sad for someone who led their troops to glory,” a werewolf said as he emerged from the bush beside you, “They do have a heart, after all.”

You stopped the minute you saw the male that now stood before you.

His red hair framed his sharp-jawed face. His obsidian eyes stared you down, a passion forming within the two of you. His olive skin gleamed under the soft light of the Sun. As he moved, you saw the scars painted on his skin - slashes made by swords and vicious beasts shifted in variations of his peach skin.

The ends of his lips raised as his eyes raised up and down, taking you in slowly.

“Mine.”

He rushed to you, his hand finding its place around your throat. He gripped softly, but strong enough to keep your soldiers on alert.

“Stand back!” you said, urging them to move back.

“Oh? - So my mate actually does care for me, don’t they?” He said, his mouth reaching the base of your neck, “How sweet of you, my love.”

Mate?

“State your business here, werewolf.”

“Well, in the beginning, it was to help the people you’ve captured,” his hand travelled to your waist, pulling you in, “But I think my prey has changed.”

You tried to pry yourself off of him, but you knew, deep inside, you wanted to pull him closer. You wanted to throw the troubles you had, all the roles you were born to play, to cast away the men who viciously fought under your order - all of that, just for a male you have just gazed upon.

The pull, the connection - it was instant. It was present, unrivalled.

Its wants and needs rang so clearly in your head.

But you had a promise to Semi - to the country you loved.

“Let go of me, wolf.”

“You don’t mean that love,” he said as he placed his head in the crook of your neck, “You want me just as much as I want you.”

He placed his hand on your cheek and you instinctively melted into the soft touch of his.

“Look at that,” he whispered, “You have already felt it, too - you know you can’t look back.”

“I can’t just give it up,” you tear.

“Then change it. I’ll stand behind you - change your homeland to what it was; a beacon of hope and freedom,” he smiled as your eyes softened, “This connection has to be proof that you were meant to be the change Thelphs needs, Y/N.”

You stare at his black eyes - more specifically the brown flecks that danced within them. They sang of nothing but determination and want - he wanted you, but he knew you had a want to change your homeland. He knew it all - just by a few minutes of just glancing at you.

He kissed your cheek, warmth spreading by that small action.

Your thoughts ran clear, the blinds holding back your judgement drawn.

“No.”

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hawksugarbaby · 3 years

Text

Fatgum x reader- Atlas

Fluff + Greek mythology AU.

You were nothing more than a simple human, roaming the built up world to find something new and interesting, something no one could see but you, a secret for you and the universe to hold together. You needed to find something special is what you thought, taking a break at the atlas mountains in the scorching Morroccon sun. sweat bead down your forehead and your skin was hot to the touch but the adventure and experience, the trials to find something undiscovered was worth the peeling skin on your shoulders being soothed by aloe over and over.

Your persistence to find the unknown secret may have started genuinely, you wanted to find what the universe wanted you too, but eventually it gave you a reason to travel the world. You've travelled to 28 countries in 4 years, beginning at 18 and now you're 22, you skipped uni and college, you made money from ad revenue on youtube since your vlogs became popular, and you were incredible when it came to saving money.

Of course, you were still searching, but now you felt like you had even bigger reasons. Exploring the world, drinking in fountains of culture and knowledge, that was perfection enough. But the secret was missing.

You stood up rolling your neck and started your walk up rocky paths of mud and stone to the sandy houses forming a village and your senses lead you to a vendor, golden couscous with colourful, roasted vegetables mixed through smelled amazing and glasses of fresh mint tea lined up for you to drink while eating couscous at the vendors stall. You requested a glass of the tea, sat down, and drank it too quickly, burning your tongue from the hot water. You sucked in sharply and hummed in pain. "Thank you!" you said paying for the drink and continuing to the mountains past the beige buildings with terracotta tile roofs.

You felt like if you walked between the fingers of the mountain grabbing the earth with their hands you would find something unknown. You walked around the spurs peering into the joining point of each interlocked section but none tugged you in, pulled you towards them with mystery.

Apart from one. The sun was on the opposite side so technically there should have been no light, but it seemed perfectly visible to you? Was it a trick of the light? Possibly an illusion? Either way your heart longed to investigate and so you did. You trudged forward kicking a stone out your way and looked at the joining line. "You have to be something right?" you muttered and put your hand between the drack. You drew a triangle, mimicking the shape the spurs made and as quickly as you could blink, the mountain began to shake, not violently, but it trembled like being coerced into sharing it's deepest secrets.

"Okay... mountains don't usually do that" you say with wide eye's as the seam rips apart and balls of moss and rock tumble into a pile on the floor. Was it a doorway for you? Who knew, you didn;t care, whatever it was you were finding out one way or another.

You stepped into the cavern, dripping stalagmites made your head turn in the direction of every 'plop' into the puddle and your hands brushed against the side of the wall for stability and a sense of surrounding. "These feel like bricks?" you whisper in a questioning tone as your eye's begin to adjust to the dark and you found that you were going aimlessly through a long, triangular corridor. The bricks were a muted clay colour with green moss and algae blanketing them, the grout in the walls was black and viridian unidentifiable as something anyone had ever known of.

The terracotta sparsely began to cut into black white and grey granite eventually forming a whole wall as if the bricks had never been there to begin with. The marble was just as unkempt and ruined as the bricks but the walls got wider, further and further away from each other until they opened into a wide, white cavern, glowing and inhumanely clean. In the middle was a statue of a hulking man, holding the sky. He wore no shirt and had a pair of orange shorts on and black sandals, sandals that looked real and hyper-realistic looking shorts that flowed with the draft and skin you could see the detail of every pore in. hold on... fabric made of marble should not flow in the wind and should not be such an even orange no matter how much paint.

You slowly looked up, the chest rising and falling with a huffing breath it had to take, the hands trembled and the lips quivered. The hairs on his leg and arm stuck up with the chill of the wind and his elbows dropped slightly making the sky move. Finally, you dared look at the eye's of the giant, who was looking back at you confused as a bee trying to escape through a shut window. Mustard yellow eye's with sunken bag's looked right back at you and you backed up letting out a girlish scream.

"Hey hey wait!!" he shouted, wishing he could reach out and shake your hand or reach after you to emphasise that he wanted you to stay. "Please! Please don't go. I don't have anyone to talk to, I promise I won't hurt you!" he begged, glancing at your figure backing up and starfishing against a wall like it would absorb you and push you out the other side. "Y-you you're talking! And moving! But you, you're a statue?" you shook your hands in front of you and he laughed lightly. "I'm not a statue, I'm a titan. I'm just a big God to be honest, big God doing his job" he nodded his head at his rhyming ability and you slid down the wall grazing your burnt back. "Don't do that you'll hurt yourself" he said.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself then blew out, another deep breath and blew out, another deep breath then blew out. "Okay. so... what you're like atlas or something? He was... he was a titan right and he just held up the universe forever and that looks like something important like the universe" you pointed at the sphere on his back constantly shifting and changing colours and he made a whiney voice at the back of his throat. "Sorta? I'm Taishiro, nice to meet you" he greeted with a nod and you nodded back glancing again at the exit.

Could you trust him?

One look from him and it wasn't hard to tell he was overjoyed to finally talk to someone so you stood in front of him with your hands on your hips so he could see you while he was looking down. "Should I know who taishiro is, not to sound rude but everyone's heard of atlas, who is taishiro?" you asked biting a nail and the titan nodded understandably, fair enough, you would ask valid questions.

"so like, zeus wanted to do something cool and like "oh look i'm redeemable" se he basically said hey all the titans weren't so bad and just did what dad told them to so they all got freed or whatever but someone still has to hold the sky so they gave me the job" he said in one breath which was impressive to you but he wasn't finished. "which is okay, I don't mind it here but it's boring and lonely and my arms have cramp and God I miss food. And like they just made me a titan, they just chose me off the street after work and were like yo we need a new titan and I thought, hey y'know what i'm a hero, i'd be doing good for the world but i'm bored and hungry" he finished his ramble and you giggled.

You opened a packet of pistachios and a muffin and looked at him. "Can I climb you?" you asked gripping the pistachios in your teeth and pulling the muffin in a travel cup that clipped to your belt. "Sure! Not like you're very heavy to me" he joked and you laughed quietly grabbing the threads of his sandals and pulling yourself up like a climbing wall. "Oh you're so small. It tickles" he laughed. Resisting the urge to twitch and jerk you off his leg. You climbed quickly like the ropes in gym class then when you got to the shorts you pulled yourself up until you rested on his knee, flat as a table.

"Uhh, I think this should be good" you nod and balance cautiously to sit down pulling out the muffin and tapping his knee. "Hey open your mouth" you ask and he does so without question. You throw the muffin like a shot put and he grins, savouring the sweet, chocolatey taste "sorry their human sized" you sigh and shuck the pistachios for yourself, chewing on the green nuts with hundreds of questions buzzing in your head.

"So you were a hero?" you question flicking the pistachio shell into the bowl below you where taishiro's feet stood rooted to the ground. "Mhm. BMI hero: fat gum. I was like 46th, the world thinks I retired, that's what I told them but to me i'm still being a hero" he explained and you hummed agreeingly. "It's pretty hero like to give up everything to hold the weight of the world" you smile up at him and he blushes lightly. "Aw, you sound like one of my old interns. I miss it sometimes though, and I miss talking to people so much, it gets lonely here" a breeze flew past you and he shivered, but didn't lose an ounce of balance on the sphere, it was firmly rooted above him, it could have been suspended for all you knew. "Yeah, I bet, especially since being a hero is a pretty team focused job right?"

He smiled sadly and looked up at the tiny exit. He couldn't fit through doors like that anymore, he was the height of the eiffel tower and with one step he'd crack open the crust of the earth. "Yeah. you sound like you know what your talking about" you smiled tucking your hair behind your ear and shrugged "I do. I went to shiketsu to be a hero but when I left I was like... nah, that ain't my purpose. I wanted to like, find a secret the universe had that no one else knew about so i've been travelling for 4 years and I guess you were the secret right?" you thearised and he agreed happily. "It's cool knowing the universe wanted you to find me!" "heck yeah it is!"

You stayed with taishiro for a few days before having to leave and you had never felt so sad before. It was finally over, you didn't have a reason to travel anymore, you found the secret and had solidified a friendship with him but now you were leaving? Despite the snacks and drinks and stories shared about what you'd seen. You felt guilty leaving him again but he looked overjoyed. "I'll visit soon okay!" you shouted and he nodded "I'll see ya around. Say hey to little red riot for me, and suneater!" he instructed and you saluted exiting the cavern back into the dank corridor.

You kept your eyes trained on the ground until you left the mountain. A shimmering rainbow was directly in front of you and you swiped your hand through it like a cloud of smoke you tried re-directing.

The rainbow fizzled and formed into a human with long white hair and pasty skin, a long sundress with rainbow accents and black eye's. "Hi, (y/n) (y/ln) am I right? Oh I know i'm right don't worry, i'm iris Goddess of the rainbow and a messenger for the Gods of sorts. See I'm here to offer you a fast pass from wherever you are to right here in Morocco, next to our dear friend Tai whenever you please" she said with a smile, arm around your shoulder and walking away from the entrance like a car salesman.

You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow interested but cautious. "What will it cost me?" you ask bluntly and she laughed, slapping your back lightly. "Your hilarious kid. No it costs you nothing more than a prayer or 2 to me and my dear friend Hermes, see he's the God of travel, he's my partner in this see, and what we'll do is just zip you over here faster than you can think!" she exclaimed. You nodded and thought. A free service from 2 Gods? Were they typically that kind? No not really so...

"Oh I see. Zeus wants a fuck doesn't he" you jeered and the sky's went pale grey, like the colour your skin would go if you;d seen a ghost. Iris choked and looked up. "Um... the God of the sky does take an interest in you, yes." you rolled your eyes and stuck your tongue out at the sky. "Keep it in your pants buddy! I want the fast pass for free or I tell yo wife!!" you bargained, though it was hardly a haggle as the king God, terrified of his wifes wrath, told irish to just give you it for free.

"Thank you! I'll be sure to think of you when I see rainbows from now on, maybe we can have a chat! Oh oh or come see me and Tai some time, he says he gets lonely, you should visit him!" you grinned with a wave and said your address, being transported immediately like cargo from morocco to your home.

You crashed into your bed and huffed grabbing your limbs to make sure you were completely there. "DOES THIS WORK WITH OTHER COUNTRIES!" you shouted to no one in particular, your voice cracking while you spoke and then collapsed into bed, falling into a deep slumber.

A/n: Not gonna lie I really dont like thos chapter. It feels rushed and boring, I think I'll revisit it at somepoint. If you have any feedback feel free to comment!

#bnha #mha fanfiction #my hero academia #bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia #wattpad #mha #boku no hero fanfic #fatgum x reader #fatgum #taishiro x reader #taishiro toyomitsu

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ecclais-fouoras · 3 years

Text

Sometimes moving on is good

Chapter 10&11

(11&12 on wattpad)

Chapter 9 here

Somehow both of you had managed to get your vacation at the same time, and you were planning to surprise Diane with a trip during the two weeks off you both had.

She was collecting strawberries in her garden and you were watching her from the window like you usually did when she was out. This time you decided to have fun and go find her to help. It was the morning and your flight wasn't before the afternoon.

You dressed to go out and came out the house and behind her so you could surprise her with soft kisses.

Your hands pulled her hair to the side as you pressed your mouth against the back of her neck, moving further to her jawline nibbling her skin quietly as your hands caressed her sides greeting her by kneading both her breasts.

"Oh hello there...what are you doing ?" She playfully asked as she giggled.

"Well I Wanted to meet my neighbor have you seen her anywhere ?"

"Haha very funny...are you single by any chance ?"

"Yes I am, just don't tell my girlfriend I said that."

She set her box down before turning around and pointing at her house

"I think she lives here but most of the time she spends at her girlfriends house"

"Oh really ? Her partner must be a very nice person"

"Not really she's quite annoying I've heard"

You pretended to be offended for a second before replying.

"hah babe ! I am not annoying..."

She kissed the pout on your face and rested her arms around your shoulders to hold you while yours circled her waist. You both held each other for a few minutes, or was it hours ? Just enjoying the feeling of your bodies against each other, being close.

Her head resting against your neck as the sun was heating her skin keeping you in a warm embrace.

"Are you done with the strawberries ?"

"Almost why ?"

"I'll give you a hand so we can go home quicker"

"Okay we'll get started then"

"I will"

She bent down to pick up the box filled with the red fruit and you smacked her ass as she yelped, "hey !"

"Oops I thought there was a fly right there, wait here it is again" you said before slapping her again before grabbing her by the hips and pulling her close. She moaned at the feeling of your leg between hers.

"What is it about strawberries that gets you going like this y/n ?"

"I'm pretty sure it's not the strawberries."

"Well.. what Then ?"

"It's the paints"

She got up and began picking the berries up and placing them in her basket. You caressed her butt one last time before adding.

"Yeah...it's definitely the paints"

"Get to work y/n"

You took your own box and mimicked her movements. Filling your box up you picked one and brought it to your lips to have a bite.

"Hey put that down"

"Try me" you ate the fruit, moaning at the taste of it.

"You didn't even rince it, that's nasty"

"No it's not, besides you don't put any chemicals in this, it's good for my immune system"

"Yeah it'll be good when you have a little worm growing inside you, y/n"

"Whatever you say babe... At least

Come on and have a taste"

You picked one up again this time holding it between your teeth and moving your head closer to diane's, pausing in front of her lips, waiting for her to bite down on it.

"It's silly y/n"

"Mmf...comMfe..on" after some esitating she finally tasted the strawberry before you spit out the leaves and kissed her softly.

She giggled the sugary taste making your kiss more special.

"I'm really not going faster with you distracting me"

You got back to gardening, and once there was no more ready fruits you both went back to the house, hand in hand except for the recipient you held.

After some washing and tidying up you floped down on the couch her upper body resting on your lap as you massaged her temples with on hand and played with her hair with the other one.

"Baby ?"

"Mmm?" She groaned eyes still shut.

"Sit up please I gotta fetch something reel fast"

"Okay.." she sat up and waited as you disappeared to your office for a second.

You came back with your keys and put on your shoes at the bottom of the stairs.

"Can you grab your coat and put on your shoes again ?"

"Wh..wh..what's going on ?"

"Just trust me babe ?"

"..the things I do for you"

"Take your phone and keys too and meet me in the car baby"

"Wait...y/n !?? Where are we going ?!"

Chapter 11

WARNING ⚠️ SMUT (very slight mommy kink nothing too crazy)

You were both driving to the airport and you had managed to get her to bandage her eyes for the trip, after waiting at the airport you finally had hopped in the plane your baggages in the hold.

The flight was calm and Diane didn't complain about being blinded, your hand was on her thigh, keeping her grounded through contact.

When you were almost there you decided it would be too stupid not to let her see the landscape from up here especially since you weren't sure it would be this sunny when you left. So you tapped her shoulder before whispering in her here that you were going to take it off. She blinked a few times at the sudden light around her, she confusedly looked at you before you said

"I couldn't let you miss this"

Pointing out the small window as you were passing the few lakes and swamps surrounding the colorful fields.

"Oh good...this is beautiful y/n...where are we ?"

"..well this is...ouh you almost had me... nice try baby"

"I had to try"

"You'll find out soon we're almost here"

The rest of the time was calm between the few kisses you shared and the ones you pressed to her neck while your fingers rode up and down her thigh.

When the flight was over you got back your stuff and found the car you'd rented.

You took of her blindfold and she gasped

"Y/n are we in france ????!"

"Really ? What gave it away ? Let me guess the car's plate"

"Well there's an F and the shops have french names"

"Then Yes we are "

"I don't even know what to say y/n...i.. I'm..thank you I guess"

"No need to thank me..baby i wanted to take you on a trip so here we are. Don't get to comfortable cause we are driving for an hour an a half maybe"

"We ? Oh honey you are driving"

"How come ?!"

"It's your trip and I don't know where we're going"

"True"

After driving for around 1h15 you arrived where you were staying, it was a small farm that you had rented, away from the city but not to far so you'd still be able to go visit some stuff. It was a quiet place surrounded by fields and Forests.

"My god baby this place is Wonderful, how did you find this ?!"

"My grandma lives a few minutes away, I used to ride my bike here when I was 5."

She looked saddened all of the sudden for some reason and you couldn't help but hold her in your arms for a second before asking her what was wrong.

"..will you teach me ?..how to ride I mean"

You pulled back slightly raising your brows

"You don't need any help riding me ?...Oh you meant the bike"

"Yes I did you pervert...m..my mother never took the time to teach me"

"Well it'll be my pleasure, surely we can borrow my grandma's we hen we go there tomorrow"

"Wait...what ?"

"It was supposed to be a surprise so you wouldn't be anxious but your meeting my family tomorrow, we're having dinner at their house".

"Why didn't you tell me !? Y/n ! You know how I need to prepare for these...do they know how old I am ? What are they gonna think ?"

"Diane calm down baby..they know all that already they don't care as long as you make me happy and I love you...now let's put these inside I want to show you around before we settle in."

You both put your things inside the house and got ready for a small walk outside.

You went buy the animals that were there, a few goats, donkeys, horses and normand cows all enjoying their grass behind the wooden fence. She looked around eyes shining with amazement, feeding the animals and holding your hand as you went through the small paths protected by the leaves, the sun shining through them leaving dots of light on her face and her bare shoulders. You found a spot near a small fountain where you dipped your feets inside the cold Water, snuggled together while listening to the sounds of birds chirping and animals running though the trees. Your eyes Met each other and you were both driven by the desire to press your lips together, bodies tightly wrapped against each other, you started making on on the soft grass, the green plants tickling her ears as you started prepping up on your elbows on both sides.

Lips trailing downward to her neck, biting collarbones, hands running over her body, curves finding her hair to cup her cheek lovingly. Her breath getting shallower by each pressing of your lips, each touch of your fingers against her skin, eyes flying closed as she enjoyed the feeling of having you have her here.

The sun warming up her skin and water drowning out her sounds, little whimpers fell out of her mouth as you took your breast in one hand, lips starting their way down her body. Taking of her shirt and bra, leaving her chest available for your wet attacks, sucking her nipples as she moaned against you.

Your hands playing with each of her buds while you went down on her, she shivered in anticipation when she felt you take off her panties with your teeth, before she opened her legs welcoming you with her dripping pussy.

"So wet for me my baby"

".. please...I'm close already"

You wasted no time devouring her, between the soft licks on her clit and the sweet sucking of her lips, you had her on the edge quickly, her hips grinding hard against your jaw, fist grabbing anything she could hold, the grass, your hair, her skirt.

"Does that fell good baby ?"

"Uh..uh B..BABE...Y/N I..I'm gonna cum ....AH.!!"

she came when you entered her with two fingers, curling them inside her clenching walls. Bending her back until she snapped shaking in your arms, Your teeth grazing the skin there, drinking up her juices.

You looked up and pulled her panties back on and her skirt back up before coming up and kissed her while whispering.

"I love you"

You walked back to the house after she regained some strength, settling your things in the room before fixing each other something to eat, after you were both finished you washed the dishes while she looked outside again, admiring the landscape.

"I'm done sweetie do you want to go in the jacuzzi ?"

"There's a jacuzzi ?"

"Well it's a hot tub, outside but still"

"Baby i don't have any swimsuit"

"That's a good thing I packed one for you then"

"Well in that case lead the way"

She put on the two piece you'd picked for her, it was a green color that complimented well her red hair, and hugged her curves perfectly. And you had your swim shorts with a bikini top.

"Baby you look so hot in this Diane"

"you know me well babe it's a nice color"

"Hop in then babe, the waters warm just how you like it"

You lented your hand to help her in and she settled herself on your lap, straddling your things.

"There was plenty of room not that I'm complaining but you didn't have to sit here"

"I can get off if you want"

"Well I'm not stopping you if you wanna get off on me like.. go ahead I'll be happy to watch."

"You know what I meant, I can get off of you"

"I don't want you to"

"Good, me neither"

She began kissing your neck while her hands untangled your bikini straps fingers dancing on your nipples as you moaned.

"Let me make you feel as good as you did mommy" she was shocked at the words that came out of her own mouth, never would you had thought it was something that turned her on but you have her a reassuring smile and went on.

"Well go ahead then"

Her hands went down while she kept nibbling your collarbones, underneath your shorts immediately circling your clit, digits dragging through your folds, she build up the pace and grounded her hips down on your thighs, also getting wet from the interaction.

"Go ahead...baby...fuck yourself on mommy's lap"

After a few minutes you both came moaning each others name, her hips grinding with force on your lap, her fingers stroking you in rythme. You rested your head against hers breaths evening out, hands caressing her hair.

"This is going to be a great vacation"

"I love you y/n"

"Me too baby..me too"

#sarah paulson fanfiction #diane sherman x reader #diane sherman #sarah paulson characters

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the-mighty-jellybean · 4 years

Text

Black & Blue

Bruise: an injury appearing as an area of discoloured skin on the body, caused by a blow or impact rupturing underlying blood vessels... are

Series Summary:

‘They littered her arms like splashes of watercolor paints, Steve couldn't stop staring, she pulled at the sleeves of her cardigan when she caught him. “I fell.” she muttered, pulling the fabric tight over her fragile body. All Steve wanted to do was pick her up, and put her in a box, like you would a broken bird. He wanted to fix this little bird, but he didn't know how.’

Pairing: Doctor!Steve x Reader, Brock x Reader

Series Warning: This story is going to be quite dark and heavy, and will contain heavy themes of domestic abuse. There will be: Violence and possible Noncon, if you are uncomfortable with any of these themes, please don't read, this book won't be for you.

Part One// Part Two// Part Three// Part Four// Part Five// Part Six// Part Seven// Part Eight// Part Nine// Part Ten// Part Eleven// Part Twelve// Part Thirteen// Part Fourteen// Part Fifteen// Part Sixteen// Part Seventeen//

Part Eighteen: Judgment Day

Chapter Warnings: Strong Language

Word Count: 3k

Y/N’s head rested on the cold porcelain of the bathtub, the water by now had gone cold, and she had just been laying in the chilled tub for over two hours. Steve had been sat outside the door, for just as long. Y/N had locked the door, and refused to let him in, feeling numb, not sure whether it was because of the events that had occurred a few hours ago, or the temperature of the women.

“Sweetheart, please let me in.” Steve begged, “let me in, please let me just hold you.”

The sound of the dripping tap was the only thing that she could hear. Her cheeks were stained, but she couldn’t tell whether it was from the bathtub, or the stream of tears that had leaked down her face.

How could things have gone so wrong; how could this have happened?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do the Prosecution have any more witnesses?” Judge Danvers turned to Shuri and Nakia, who’s heads were close together, as they frantically whispered between each other.

“Miss Nakia, Miss Shuri, do you have any more witnesses to bring against the Defence?” Carol asked once again, when the two were yet to respond to her question.

“Er, can we wait a moment?” Shuri tried to compromise.

“How long is a moment?” Zola chided, glaring at the women.

“Mr Zola, I will be the one to ask questions in my court.” Judge Danvers scolded, Zola visibly swallowing.

“We will postpone your witnessing, until Mr Zola has finished with his personal statement.” Judge Danvers decided, “Mr Zola please bring forward your character witness.”

“What are you waiting for?” Y/N whispered, Nakia couldn’t turn to look at her, and Shuri gave her a sad smile.

“We’re waiting for Peter.” Shuri explained.

“Where is he?” Steve leant forward.

“We don’t know.” Shuri shrugged, facing back to the front, as Brock’s character witness came to the stand.

“It’s okay, bubba, he’ll be here.” Steve promised. Y/N was not convinced, but she sat back in Steve’s arms, holding him close to her.

“I present the Defendants character witness, Baron Strucker.” The man took to the stand, and he made Y/N’s stomach sink. Strucker looked menacing, he stood tall on the stand, his face was fixed in a permanent sneer.

Clerk Carter stood from her chair, she seemed intimidated by the man, as she made her way sheepishly towards the stand.

Swearing him in, before hurriedly sitting back at the desk, looking at her own notes.

“Mr Strucker, you are Mr Rumlow’s acquaintance?” Judge Danvers clarified.

“Yes, I have known Mr Rumlow for over ten years.” Strucker confirmed.

“I’ve never seen this guy before in my life.” Y/N whispered, despite their relationship being over a year and half, she had never seen Mr Strucker in their house, or around Brock.

“How would you describe Mr Rumlow’s temper?” Judge Danvers asked.

“My dealing with Mr Rumlow has always been on a professional basis. He had represented me a lot in many different cases, he has always remained professional, and well mannered. I was late with some payments on a few occasions, and Mr Rumlow was always decent and understanding.”

“Mr Rumlow never appeared aggressive towards you?” Danvers pressed.

“No, never, he was successful among my female staff members, they would describe him as charming. If I wasn’t a perfectly straight man, I might even give him a go.” A chatter came around the court, the jury giggling like school children, Brock’s smile was broad, whilst Y/N’s heart pounded, when she saw the positive response from the jury.

“Mr Strucker if you could remain professional.” Judge Danvers berated.

“Sorry, what can I say, he’s pretty to look at.” Strucker complimented, Brock decided to have the guts to blow him a kiss, the laughter from the jury, making the sinking feeling more prominent.

“What is the nature of your business, Mr Strucker?”

“I’m involved in the protection industry.” Strucker spoke confidently, yet vaguely.

“If you could be more specific, Mr Strucker.” Judge Danvers requested, coldly.

“I work in private security, to a private cliental.” Strucker said, slightly less confidently.

“Has Mr Rumlow ever required your services?” Judge Danvers began to sway the conversation.

“Um…on a few occasions.” Strucker replied, sceptically.

“What about on the evening of June 10th this year, when Dr Bruce Banner was attacked in his residence?” Strucker appeared to choke on his own spit, Zola’s face paled.

“I-er, don’t work in the private police sector, I don’t beat people up for money.” Strucker began to stammer, looking to Zola for help, but he could do nothing but flip through his file, hoping to find a way out of this.

“But you did receive a wire transfer of $10,000 from Mr Rumlow, a few days before hand, what was that for?” Judge Danvers leant on her fist, eyeing the now sweating and panicky man on the stand.

“I didn’t-wait I did-but it wasn’t…but…wait.”

“Would you like to step down please, Mr Strucker.” Judge Danvers waved him from the stand, “Miss Shuri, Miss Nakia, has your witnessed arrived yet?”

“Not quite, please a few more moments?” Nakia begged.

“If it helps to buy the Prosecution more time, I have another witness to present?” Zola piped up, smiling broadly.

“Well, if the Prosecution don’t have a witness to provide, then you may bring forward another witness.” Danvers sighed.

Y/N craned her head to see a tall, slimly built, woman, emerged from the crowd, sat behind Brock. She prowled to the stand, looking up through her eye lashes, doing slow and sultry blinks to the jury.

“Members of the jury I would like to present, Miss Tabitha Lima.” Zola’s smile couldn’t have gone any wider, and the wicked smile on Brock’s face was just as prominent, as he eyed Y/N, who was watching the woman, with just as much confusion as she had done with Strucker.

“What is your relation to Mr Rumlow?” Zola leant against the stand, like he was some love-struck Romeo.

“I’m Mr Rumlow’s ex-girlfriend.” Y/N’s head could have exploded, she couldn’t believe what she had just heard, she didn’t have a clue who this woman was.

“How long were you and Mr Rumlow, in a relationship for?” Zola asked.

“Just over three years.” Tabitha responded.

“That’s quite a significant amount of time, did you and Mr Rumlow live together at any point during your relationship?”

“Yes, we moved in after a year of being together, it was his idea, as I was struggling to maintain my house, because I was so busy with my work for UNICEF.” Y/N wanted to roll her eyes, there was no way this woman worked for UNICEF, but by the looks of the jury, that at this point Y/N had noticed, were a majority of white men, seemed taken by the alien-like being stood before them.

“I assume in your three-year relationship; you did engage in a sexual relationship?” Zola licked his lips, making all the women in the room shudder, but not out of admiration. A chill going through most of the females.

“Yes, Mr Rumlow and I would engage in regular sexual endeavours.” Tabitha replied, with a little giggle, that to the male ear, sounded cute, however; it was similar to nails on a chalkboard for the women in the room.

“Would you describe sex with Mr Rumlow as consensually rough?” Zola fiddled with his jacket, seemingly pulling it over his crouch.

“Yes, our sex life, was closely linked to S and M, style.” Tabitha appeared to make her cheeks blush, but only to an extent of a light rose, again making herself look as enticing as a siren.

“Okay, can you please step-down Miss Lima, I think we have heard enough.” Judge Danvers stopped the questioning in its tracks.

Tabitha bowed her head as a ‘sign of respect’, then disappearing into the crowd behind Brock, the male members of the jury watching her every step.

“Miss Shuri, Miss Nakia, this is my last call, have you got your third witness?”

Shuri and Nakia looked at each other, Shuri dropped her head, placing her hand across her forehead, staring at the worn wood of her desk.

“No, your honour, they haven’t arrived.” Nakia said, defeatedly.

“Very well. Members of the jury, you have heard all of the testimony concerning this case. It is now up to you to determine the facts. You and you alone, are the judges of the fact. Once you decide what facts the evidence proves, you must then apply The Law as I give it to you to the facts as you find them. I will now call recess whilst the jury take a moment to decide their verdict, please leave the court, whilst the jury deliberate.” Judge Danvers brought down her gavel. People from the back began to filter out, soon Y/N and Steve were walking out, gathering in the foyer.

“What are we going to do, we haven’t given enough statements, did you see the jury’s faces, they don’t believe me, who the hell is Tabitha, I’ve never heard of her, she’s flirted Brock out of jail, what are we going to do.” Y/N buried her head in Steve’s chest, he rubbed up and down her back, quietly shushing her.

“It’s alright, sweetheart, everyone’s done their best, it’s going to be okay. The way Danvers took down Zola’s questioning. I promise, we’re going to be fine.” Steve assured her, kissing her forehead.

“She dismissed Shuri as well though, and the jury are all men, they won’t believe me, where is Peter?” Steve could tell that she was getting more and more worked up, her chest was heaving, and she was clutching at her stomach, her eyes were wide and her skin slightly sweaty.

“Breathe, sweetie, breathe for me.” Steve tried to calm her, “deep breaths, bubba.”

Y/N began to take long, yet jagged breaths, through her nose, eventually calming her down.

After an hour or so, Clerk Carter came from the court room, holding a clipboard.

“Please may the defendant and his representatives, please enter the courtroom, along with the Prosecutions and it’s Plaintiffs.” She ordered, before turning back into the court room, holding the door open, trying not to grit her teeth, as Zola and the rest of Brock’s team, returned to the courtroom.

Y/N and Steve, following behind Shuri and Nakia, back into their benches, and desks.

The jury had filed back out into the courtroom, Judge Danvers had resumed to her bench, her gavel prominent in her hand.

“Have you reached a verdict?” Judge Danvers asked, the man, who had stood as the spokesperson for the jury.

“We have your honour.” The man addressed.

“On the count of violations against the Money Laundering Control Act of 1986, is the defendant guilty or not guilty?”

“Guilty.”

“On the count of conspiracy to commit murder, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?”

“Not guilty.”

The Prosecution side of the room had erupted into choruses of disgust; Nakia sank back into her chair, her head going to her hands, Mayor T’Challa cursed allowed, making Danvers slam her gravel on the desk.

“Silence.” She demanded, “On the charges of Aggravated Battery, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?”

Y/N held her breath, Steve did the same, crossing his fingers for his friend’s charge, desperate for justice.

“Guilty.”

Y/N chest became hollow, she looked at Steve, who gave her a look of hope, pushing his forehead against his.

“On the count of violation, the Violence Against Women Act, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?”

Once again Y/N heart was thudding, she gripped at Steve’s hand, he held her just as tight.

“Not Guilty.”

“On the count of Sexual Battery, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?”

“Not Guilty.”

Y/N’s world collapsed around her, the once elated feeling, had now transformed into pain and anguish. They didn’t believe she had been raped; they didn’t think that she had been impregnated against her will, they didn’t think she had been beaten.

Steve had frozen next to her, unsure of what her face looked like, as he had his chin resting on her head.

“I will now begin sentencing.” Judge Danvers continued, throw the pounding of Y/N heart.

“Mr Rumlow you have been found guilty of violation the Money Laundering Control Act of 1986, Aggravated Battery, you will be given a two-year suspended sentence, and will be forced to pay Dr Bruce Banner a fine in the amount of $25,000. As well as, be forced to pay the state of New York a fine in the amount of $2 million.

Y/N doesn’t remember much after that, her vision went blurry, Steve was calling her name, but the only thing clear in her mind, was the grinning face of Brock.

~~~~~~

Steve had carried her most of the way to the hotel, had run her the bath, and then the moment the door had closed, she locked and had now been laying in the frozen water for just over three hours, recounting the moments that had passed.

“Sweetheart, please don’t make me kick the door down, it’s not safe for you to be in the cold water for this long.” Steve bargained, pressing his ear to the door, hoping to hear any sign of movement.

Thankfully he heard the gentle sloshing of the bath, and then the soft click of the lock. Steve was slightly startled, when he opened the door to see Y/N was stood in front of him completely naked, the water rolling off her body, dripping onto the floor.

He relaxed seeing the distant look on her face, making his heart clench, reaching for the towel on the wall, and wrapping her up.

“You’re freezing, bubba,” Steve frowned when he touched her chilled skin, “Let’s get you warmed up.” Steve leads her from the bathroom, sitting her on the edge of the bed grabbing her some changes of clothes.

“Lift your leg, sweetie.” Steve spoke softly. Emotionlessly, she lifted her feet one by one, letting Steve pull his joggers up her legs.

“Arms up.” Y/N lifted her arms, the moment Steve had settled the t-shirt on her chilled figure, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close, as she sobbed into his shoulder.

“Oh sweetheart.” Steve sighed, “I’m here, I’m going to look after you and this baby, I promise, nothing will ever happen to you, my gorgeous girl.”

Y/N just pushed her head harder into his chest, wanting his touch and feel to take away her pain.

“Why? Why didn’t they believe me?” Y/N sobbed, her being shaking.

“I don’t know, poppet, I wish I could do something.” Steve had to take his own deep breaths, as he feared he would begin to break down.

Steve lifted her up, and settled her into the bed, remembering to keep her on her side. He was about to crawl in next to her, but then his phone vibrates, and he pulled away, letting her settle herself.

Running to the bathroom he answered the call.

“Hello.” The sound of Bucky’s voice made Steve crumble, he slumped against the door, and the tears began to roll.

“Steve, Steve are you okay? Has something happened to Y/N, the baby?” Bucky’s worried tone, echoes from the receiver, and Steve catches his breath.

“No, no nothing like that. Not guilty. Not guilty to everything, apart from Bruce’s charge, and the money laundering. He’s got away, with fucking everything.” Steve slammed his head on the back of the door, as he recounted the verdict of the court.

“Oh Steve, I can’t believe it. I’m so sorry, when do you guys think you’ll be heading back.” Steve chewed on his lip.

“That’s the thing, Buck. He got a suspended sentence, means no jail time. In the eyes of the law he’s not dangerous, which means we don’t need to stay in a safe house anymore. It means they won’t offer us protection.” Steve croaks, Sam had texted him after the trail, once Shuri had told him what had happened at court.

Steve was pissed, his best friend had told him over the phone, that the NYPD and FBI would no longer be providing protection for him and his family.

“Shit.” Was all Bucky could come up with.

“Buck, I’ve got to go, I’ve put Y/N to bed, but she’s not going to be able to sleep without me.” Steve sighs.

“Okay, bud. I’ll call you in the morning. Take care of that girl, we’ll think of something when I get home, don't worry Stevie, we’ll keep Y/N safe.”

Steve ended the call, placing his phone back in his pocket, pushing up off the door, he walked back into the room, seeing Y/N was still shivering on the bed, the duvet pulled tight around her neck.

Steve slide in next to her, she eased her grip on the covers, so that he could hook his arms around her belly. Her skin was so cold, it nearly hurt for Steve to touch it.

They laid there for a few more moments, Steve’s hands just gently caressing her bump, trying to warm the skin surrounding the infant.

Then he felt it, it was subtle, but he noticed. A little nudge against the palm of his hand. He sat up, wondering if Y/N had felt it too. When he saw that she hadn’t moved, seeming unphased by the kicking baby in her womb.

“Sweetheart, can you feel that?” Steve tried to encourage some kind of reaction, but she remained still, “Sweetie, I think the baby’s kicking.”

Y/N just kept Steve’s hand close, and eyes fixed on the wall opposite.

Steve realised now was not the time to try and engage with Y/N, and settled back against her, rubbing his hands over her bump, feeling the baby’s little kicks.

“I love you, Y/N.”

A/N: Yes. Yes I did just play with your emotions like that.

Part Nineteen//

Taglist:

@this-is-a-chilis-drive-thru @cutie1365 @saiyanprincesswanie @pasaaloquepasaa @emma-is-a-nerd @traumschiffe @putinovertime @vibraniumdaisies @brownsugur @speechlessxx @winchester-wifey @buckys-forgotten-plum @lou-la-lou @candy-and-writing

#steve rogers #steve x reader #steve fic #steve angst #brock rumlow x reader #brock rumlow #dark fic #dark steve fic #dark marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel prompt #domestic abuse #adult themes #reader insert

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chanlixformysoul · 3 years

Text

Romantic aren't we? [ Chanlix ]

rating: explicit

word count: 1791

chapter: 1

summary:

➥ Chanlix being soft (and kinky)

song recommendation:

estimated reading time: 13.8 minutes

｡:°ஐ (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ｡:°ஐ

It was a normal winter evening in Seoul, cold air violently traveling throughout the city. Chan and Felix went out shopping, they had to go because they were running out of necessary things like bread, milk and all that stuff. The short trip to the grocery store down the street of their condo building was accompanied by the cutting sharp cold wind.

Shivering, Felix felt his hands clutching the grocery bags through the little pink fluffy mittens. He was wrapped up in at least three layers of clothing, mittens, a big scarf that covered his mouth and nose and wool beanie. Chan was walking besides him holding his left hand. He could feel his freezing hand through his mittens, Felix remembers telling Chan to wear some of his mittens but Chan was quick to deny it saying that his hands were going to deform the cute mittens.

'Chan, aren't you cold?' Felix asked, raising his head, Chan could only see his beautiful eyes and he started smiling at his lover's cuteness.

'Yea, it's freezing outside, but we're here.' Pulling out the condo keys, scanning the little keycard that allows access to the condo building they finally step inside. Going to the escalator quickly. Felix presses the buttons so they could get as fast as possible in their apartment. Finally hearing that little ding from the escalator, the door opens and they start running down the hall. The sounds of laughter, rushed footsteps and key jiggling alongside with the rustling of their totter bags that hosted the fairly large capacity of the products that they had bought was heard in the large hallway. Chan was fiddling with the keys trying to unlock the door as fast as he can while Felix stopped running, gasping for air. After 5 seconds the door of their apartment was unlocked, warmth trying to escape through the door but Felix and Chan were fast inside closing the door with the keys behind them.

Both of them slid off their shoes, put the bags full of groceries in the kitchen and started to undress. Chan went to the thermostat, setting the heat up with a few degrees higher.

'Channie, can you put away the groceries while I start the bath?' Felix said, as he began to say place the products from the totter bags on the big kitchen island. Chan peeked his head from the laundry room, nodding as he made his way besides Felix.

'Do you want to take a bath?' Chan asked as he opened the cabinets, arranging the products.

'Yeah, it was so cold outside, I was freezing the entire time. You should've worn warmer clothes, Chan.' Felix said sighing and hugging the older. Chan sneaked his hands under Felix's warm sweater, touching his bare back. Felix shivered when Chan's hands made contact but he melted into the older's touch. Sliding his little hands to rest on Chan's abs, the older only gave him a chuckle.

'Want to bathe together, hmm, sweetheart?' Chan asks as he nozzles his nose into Felix's neck slowly pecking it and sucking on it. Felix let out a soft moan as he nodded slowly looking into Chan's eyes.

'Alright, you can go turn on the bath and I place everything then. Go before I can't stop myself.' Slowly nodding and chuckling Felix made his way to their bedroom bathroom. He started to fill up the big bath with really warm water, adding some bubbles and essential oils. After five minutes of waiting, Felix stopped the water and went into the kitchen. Chan was reading something on his phone as always because he was a huge fan of reading, one of his favourite hobbies actually, and that can be seen throughout the big shelfs full of books that were placed all around the house. Felix slowly made his way around the kitchen sneaking behind Chan as he started kissing his neck.

'The bath is ready, come and join me.' He says with a low voice near Chan's ear.

'Romantic aren't we?' Chan said laughing and turning around and picking Felix up by his butt. The younger wrapping his legs around Chan's torso while putting his hands around the older's neck. Walking to their bathroom, giving his lips a few pecks, Chan put down Felix and started undressing the both of them. Clothes were everywhere but on their body.

'After you.' Chan said as he looked at Felix's bare beautiful body. Felix slowly sinks into the warm water and Chan goes right after him. Putting his hands on Felix's shoulders, slowly massaging them, working on the tight knots, kissing down the honeyed skin and sucking small hickeys on it. Moans echoed through the bathroom, fingers tracing each other's skin, Chan dipped his long digits on Felix's collarbone, creating an incoherent pattern, a hand pinching his nipple turning into a burning pink.

'Can I wash your hair, baby?' Chan asked, slowly kissing and nibbling his earlobe.

'Yes, please.' Felix said in a short breath not being able to contain his moans.

Gentle fingers massaged his scalp, bubbles forming as the scent of the shampoo was getting stronger. Chan rinsed Felix's hair and then he leaned in to kiss his cheek.

'You're cute, you know that?' Felix only giggled, bringing a hand on the others cheek to kiss him on the lips. As they both deepened the kiss. They both washed themselves after a heavy make out session. When Felix stepped out of the bathtub to wrap a towel around himself there was suddenly a sound. Chan was quick to step out the bathtub and wrap a towel around his waist. The light in the bathroom went out, leaving the two boys surprised.

'I think there is a power outage, do you want to light up some candles?'

Felix quickly nodded, wrapping his arms around the older and pressing his face in his chest.

Chan just stood there and admired his lover. Dripping water coming from his wet locks, his collarbone so prominent and the younger's honeyed skin looked so inviting, making Chan feel like it's a blank canvas ready to be painted, in this case with marks.

Chan began playing with Felix's wet locks, combing his way through it.

'Where are we placing the candles?' The younger said looking up with such innocent eyes. His freckles had never ever looked so beautiful then they did in that moment, his eyes never shined so brightly, stars could be clearly seen in them.

His whole face was Chan's universe, from the constellation of freckles to the stars in his eyes.

Chan sure was a lucky man.

'Is there something on my face?' Felix said clearly confused, bringing a hand to wipe his cheek.

'Yea, Chan whispered, my universe' he began snickering.

'Oh my god, you're so embarrassing' Felix said through laughter, slowly hitting Chan's chest.

'I'm this sappy for you only' (such a sappy sappy boy, stan Red Velvet) Chan said while smiling down at Felix.

'Let's go change please, I can listen to your pick up lines in the dressing room too.' The younger stayed turning on his heel and heading towards their bedroom. Chan just followed behind like a big puppy.

'Do you think I'll catch a cold if my hair is wet? I don't want to risk it, you know how I get when I'm sick.' Felix said with a sigh.

'I mean I can dry your hair with a towel so it's not that wet, but I'm worried about the temperature in the house too, the heating system works if it's plugged in and there's no electricity so I think it's going to be a cold night in the apartment too.'

'So much for having a peaceful Friday.' Felix looks down as he puts on one of Chan's sweatshirts.

'It's ok, don't worry, I'll dry your hair and then we'll set up the candles. I got some pastries too this morning so we're all good.'

'Thank you, Chan, you know I love you?' Felix said making his way towards his lover.

'I know that, bub, I love you too' putting their foreheads together, Chan lightly pecked Felix's lips, but the younger seemed to seek for more so he kissed Chan this time slipping his tongue in the older's mouth.

'Slow down, Lix, let's get you all dry and after the power is back we can do whatever you want, how does that sound?' Chan leaned closer to kiss Felix's nose and freckled cheeks.

'Okay, whatever you say.' rolling his eyes, Felix made himself smaller and hugged Chan.

The older felt like he could melt whenever Felix hugged him, so he wrapped his arms around his lover and took a deep breath.

'I love you ,Chan, so much'

'I love you too, Lix, you make me so happy you can't imagine.' Receiving another peck, Chan was caught off guard and started blushing.

'Awww is Channie blushing? Let me kiss it away.' Felix began giggling while kissing the older's face.

'Ok ok Felix let's get you dry now' Chan said, while laughing.

'Ok, but after we cuddle, right?' looking sternly at the older with a finger pointed towards him, Felix pouted.

'Yes, sweetheart, now let's get you dry'

After drying both of their hair, the two made their way to the fairly large living room.

Getting a pack of candles from the cupboard, Felix set them down on the counter and the little coffee table and lighted them up.

The scene was breathtaking. The soft flames of the candles illuminating the beige living room alongside the white kitchen, the sound of their record player playing Hold On by The Internet (I love that song so much), the smell of bergamot traveling through the whole apartment. It was a dream come true.

It was their euphoria.

Taking Felix by surprise, Chan slipped his hands on the younger's waist pulling him towards his chest.

'Shall we dance, angel?' Chan said, stating in Felix's eyes. Taken aback by the sudden movement, the younger blushed, keeping his gaze down and then laying his head on Chan's chest mumbling a small 'yes'.

'Is someone flustered?' Chan said while snickering. Felix just pushed himself more into the older's chest giggling. Chan was hugging Felix while swaying from side to side softly singing along the lyrics.

And as long as you're with me

I'm definitely

Yours for the takin'

Don't be mistakin'

And as long as you're wit' it

I'll be committed to you

Stopping for a moment, Chan cupped Felix's face and stared at him before continuing signing.

You got me on a cloud nine, baby

Feels almost like a dream

Finishing up with a kiss the younger just looked at his lover in awe.

｡:°ஐ (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ｡:°ஐ

my ao3: Mrs_SnowPitch

my wattpad: ChanlixForMySoul

my masterlist: iza’s masterlist

#ao3 #fanfic #kpop #stray kids #bang chan #lee felix #chanlix #fanfiction #🪨: iza’s stories #Spotify

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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 5 years

Text

Meet and Greet

Yes, this is an MBJ fic and don't be mad. It's all in good fun. We fans. Not the crazy ones, just...

Anyway. Mike wouldn't be mad, he has a sense of humor. Happy Birthday @ange-sensuel my fellow scorpio queen. I love you, you're beautiful, and my mind got to working, so this is what came out.

Smut Ahead

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

"Fuuck..," Michael dragged through flared nostrils watching the petite and masterfully built brown woman work voodoo magic between his thighs. She was down on her knees sitting on a pillow, sucking her little heart out along with his soul. Her silver dress draped over the hotel bed along with her fur. Without him having to ask, she'd kept the heels on.

When he'd initially invited the stranger to his room, it was out of intrigue. She was a beautiful, clean, classy woman with long hair, long elegant legs and neck, a beautiful face, and big titties. He didn't think she'd be so nasty or focused on his pleasure, yet here she was.. making a mess of his dick and he couldn't take it. He could barely even speak. God if this woman looks me in the eyes she gone fuckin get it, he thought unsure of whether he wished for it or against it. She was fuckin him all up.

Angel's eyelashes fluttered and she gazed feverishly with bloodshot eyes up into Mike's own hooded eyes, her throat full of heated raw dick that was sensitive to the touch. Thick ropes of white saliva spilt from the corners of her full ruby red lips, collecting at his base as she moved her head back and forth swiftly. She could feel his tight fist gripping her long blown out strands into a makeshift ponytail.

"You fuckin nasty, suck that shit," he strained, sweat forming on his brow. The look is his eyes said, suffer bitch. His mouth was wide, an O before his big lips began to purse and pout. He was locked the fuck in, nodding, making tense eye contact.

Angel could feel his strong lust, palpable. It only made her hungrier to possess the man she'd dreamt about since she was a child watching Hardball. This meeting was a decade in the making. Meeting Michael was everything she'd dreamed it would be. When she'd approached him at the New Orleans meet and greet, he was taken by her flamboyance. Distracted. Her mild peacocking had worked. He was extremely friendly, playful, and flirtatious. In a short, fitted satin rouched silver dress coupled with a luxurious fur and tulle bolero that read old Hollywood glam, she was in her element. Photographers mistook her for a celebrity asking her name, but no one recognized it. Michael was no different, he'd asked her identity not recognizing her from any magazine or red carpet. Despite that, she sent him all the signals she knew how to show him she was interested and he'd picked up on every one, ultimately asking if she wanted to go with him back to his hotel. She was years past ready.

But he sure wasn't.

The wet and echoing gluck, gluck, gluck, was only interrupted by her harsh gasp as she attempted to cram minutes of breathing into a brief second. The glossy strong dick coated and dripping with her thick spit was calling out to her. She let the pool of excess spit collecting in her mouth drool heavily onto his length, sliding down his balls and to his hairless asscrack. The large cloth hotel chair Michael sat on was wet, stained with her spit. She grasped his dick firmly in her small hand, her index, thumb and pinky nails painted salmon pink with small silver and crystal appliques at the base. Her middle fingernails were marbled pink and grey. Her matching bra and panties were pink lace. She could tell he was enjoying that colorful view along with her silver stacked finger rings. She hadn't done it for him at all, but she knew he loved and appreciated it. It was just who she was naturally. Panting, she gobbled his length hungrily with a desperate moan. She felt insatiable.

Her perfume kept hitting him, the smell alive in the air. Light and natural notes, sweet but mildly floral. She had elegant taste to the most minute of details. Out of all the girls he'd had sex with since he'd been poppin in Hollywood, she smelled the best and her head was top tier. She dared him to look away from her pretty, messy face, but he knew better. If there was anything he was good at to the same degree as acting, it was sex and though Angel was great, he knew he was better. He refused to be shown up in either field.

But in that moment, as he was squeezing her head and simultaneously digging his thick fingers into the arm of the chair, it was a struggle to last like he was used to doing. Her aggression was about to explode him. He lifted his hips feeding himself to her as she devoured all he had.

Angel watched his control slip, his face contorting and his breathing getting louder as he gradually lost control over his body. She felt herself getting wetter just knowing that the control had shifted to her. She wanted him to cum hard and in her mouth and when he did, it was with a heavy sigh as though he were releasing a ghost. The taste of him was pleasant, something she was already adapting to having had no previous experience. Indeed, she was a virgin, but an eager and hungry one. She'd plotted for years to lose her virginity to this man.

As she cherished the oxygen hitting her lungs, she watched him breathe, spent, his head thrown back against the seat cushion. He had a fresh close cut, almost bald and he was the thickest she'd seen him since Black Panther. God bless his trainer, Corey, she thought. In a blink, he was up.

He'd leaped from the chair, recovered, and lifted Angel to her feet then into his arms. She weighed next to nothing. Perfect to manhandle. He dropped her onto into the bed and yanked her ankle flipping her quickly onto her stomach. Immediately she arched and he took a step back to admire the view. If he was half hard before after nutting.. he was fully hard now. She wiggled her ass in the air, her middle on full display.

"Do you want this ass? Come get it. Come on, Kari," she encouraged playfully.

"Damn, the government huh," he joked, his thick hands coming down hard to slap both of her cheeks before spreading them. He turned to pull a condom out, lubricated.

"Eat this pussy," Angel said a bit more directly. "I wanna feel what those lips do."

Before she could finish her sentence, his mouth was on her, his lips soft like two plush pillows. She felt those pussy pillows pinch and suck on each part of her flower, teasing and testing the sensitivity. She moaned softly as she ascended to heaven feeling his warm, long, wet tongue flatten and drag purposefully.. slowly, up her slit. The juice from his mouth mingled with her wetness as he drooled his excess saliva back onto her core. She could feel the sensation of it dripping. Long, quick laps followed, his flat tongue licking wet stripes before using the tip to strike her with precision.

He ate her cat from the back, wet noises filling the air. It sounded like a pitbull lapping water from a dish and it was what he resembled. Angel's dish overflowed with her water. Mike could feel it in his mustache though he'd shaved his beard.

"That muhfucka wet," he whispered to no one in particular, licking his lips. Her taste was still there. He let his heavy bottom lip hang as he kneeled on the bed and pushed Angel forward, scooting closer. "You gone throw it back?" He pushed Angel's back down again and her arch was immaculate. With the perfect angle he slid in and she made a noise that was a hissing groan on transition to a purr.

"When the last time you got some good dick," he asked gliding in and out, working her open like a blossom. "You the first," she laughed breathlessly before biting her lip, her small hands gripping the cover. She felt the power of his strokes knocking her forward. It was no wonder he had so many women, he had good díque and knew how to use it.

"Uh, fffffuck," she gasped, panting. It was a new and intense feeling for her but she was determined to show out and make this moment something truly special. She planted her hands firmly and threw her ass back, matching a surprised Mike stroke for stroke. She was close to coming and then she did, her rhythm breaking then ceasing. His heavy hands came down again on both of her asscheeks and he reached forward to collect her hair, pulling it to make her arch again, her head back and close enough for him to bend and whisper into her ear.

"Use my government again," he grunted hammering her into the mattress.

"Bakari," she moaned. "Now say my name."

"FUCK... Angel with the good pussy," he smiled. That was exactly how he planned to save her into his phone. Next time he was in New Orleans, he knew who to call for some good box.

Showered and redressed, Angel stepped to the door. "Anytime you want a true local to show you the city the correct way, call me, we can link."

"Where you think you going Angel with the good pussy," he smiled, the look in his eye saying to stay put. He was on his way to shower, but he had to stop to stop her from walking out. "Y'all swear I'm some fuckboy or fuck nigga.. Nooo," he shook his head dramatically before whispering, "No." Angel stepped away from the door with a smile and humored huff causing her shoulders to bounce.

"Stay put. I'm a take a shower and you can show me the city. I wanna see some crocodiles," he said quickly.

"Boy, that's Florida. Alligators are native to Louisiana. I'll take you to the swamp to see some."

"That's why you the tour guide," he pointed. "I'll be right back," he confirmed before disappearing into the bathroom.

Angel checked her phone for messages before hitting up her group chat. "Met Bakari." That was all the juice she was giving away until her little adventure ended. She could see her mentions blowing up already in the chat. Her friends knew she was in love and plotting. She was clever, driven, supermodel beautiful, and full of love to give. He didn't deserve her, but she'd chosen him and after her positive experience she was glad she had. She could hear the water running from the shower and she cut the television on to a random channel to pass the time. Angel looked around and grinned, kicking her feet, tickled. She planned to be the best tour guide in all Louisiana.

The End.. or is it the beginning? 🧐💕💕

Lmbo jk it's a one shot. Happy Birthday again baby love.

@hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @simplyyamberr @whoramilaje @bitemyxxx @bonita-juanita

@eriknutinthispoosy @blackpinup22 @thadelightfulone @yaachtynoboat711 @youreadthatright

@inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @bidibidibombaclaat @priya212 @romanceoftheeveryday @muse-of-mbaku @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @kreolemami @myboyfriendgiriboy @loosewindmill @wakanda-inspired @madbadsiren @theunsweetenedtruth @panthergoddessbast @allhailnjadaka @amethyst1993 @thehomierobbstark @purplehairgawdess @supersizeme @blackpantherismyish @drsunshine97 @thiccdaddy-mbaku @wawakanda-btch @killmongersprncss @imaginewhoever @niggarachi15 @hidden-treasures21 @pupyluv247 @phoenixxx1225 @violet-ines @indigoxsummers @janelledarling @imasmille @sweetsexysavagery @mermaidchansons @destinio1 @ash-moneyy @ljstraightnochaser @forbeautyandlife @iamrheaspeaks @elle-luring @yoyolovesbucky @ilovebubblesz @awkardlyabstract @beautifulqueenflaws @slimmiyagi @sidneebleu@vikkidc @chaneajoyyy

#that's an mbj imagine smh #original

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lirlovesfic · 6 years

Text

5763

Doctor Who fanfic

Summary: Stuck in a hotel in Bergen on the parallel world, the metacrisis Doctor and Rose Tyler have some things to discuss before they can move forward. Characters: Tentoo, Rose Tyler Genres: Angst, romance Pairings: Tentoo/Rose Tyler Rating: Teen (rating may go up)

Warning: none for this chapter

a/n: Yet another take on the events following BWBII, and inspired by the recent BF audios, a comment by Billie Piper at a convention, and the following prompt: Tentoo x Rose, "Can I touch you?". Assumes an established Ten/Rose relationship. Starts out angsty, but won't stay that way. Please note, this is still a WIP. I'm guessing this will have two or perhaps three chapters, and I haven't yet decided whether this will remain at a T rating or need to have the rating go up.

AO3 TSP ffnet

Part One

There was a soft brushing sound as the bottom of the heavy hotel door skimmed the top of the carpet, followed by an almost inaudible click as the door's lock engaged.

And then they were alone. For the first time since the whole mess with Davros and the Reality Bomb began.

No, actually for the first time since the Battle of Canary Wharf, where he had lost her. For good, he'd been convinced. Lost to a different universe. Never again to travel with her, never again to have the same ground underneath their feet, never again to stand hand in hand underneath the same skies with the same stars overhead.

Never, he'd believed, to be in the same room again with her, close enough to feel the warmth of her skin, breathe the same air as she, warmed from being within her lungs, within her body only moments earlier…

Thoughts of the warmth of her body, of the last time they had truly been alone flooded his mind, of hot human skin, a burning human mouth, leaving searing kisses trailing down his chest and stomach only to engulf him… Five hundred and twenty-three, and three thousand six hundred and nine to three thousand six hundred and twelve inclusive, he thought absently, as his newly part human body began to react to the memory. No, he told himself firmly. Time and a place. And based on Rose's body language this was clearly neither.

And it hadn't happened with this him anyway. That had been the other him. The other Doctor. Under normal circumstances—and when had anything in his long, long life ever been considered normal, even for Time Lords—a previous regeneration would have been just that. Previous. Past. Gone. Finito. Not out and about walking around playing judge, jury, and matchmaker for his errant twin, his accidentally-created semi-cloned metacrisis self.

If you looked at it that way, from that certain, very specific point of view, this was the first time he'd ever been alone with her. In this universe, that universe, any universe.

No, he wouldn't think that way. He knew who he was.

Now if only he could be sure she did.

A gust of wind, from the storm that had prevented their return by zeppelin to Pete's World's London, rattled the old-fashioned window, cracked open at the top to allow for air circulation despite the storm. A spate of hard rain rat-a-tatted for a moment on the glass before the wind shifted again.

"Atmospheric disturbance, made worse from the dimensional retroclosure," he stated, more to fill the increasingly awkward silence than out of any real need to inform. "We'll get quite a bit of this for a couple of days."

"You said that before," Rose said without turning.

It was the first thing she had said since that horrible (wonderful) scene on the beach. Never normally at a loss for words, she had seemingly been struck dumb by the disappearance of the TARDIS and the belief—clearly written all over her face—that this time she had truly been left behind.

Rejected.

Abandoned.

Oh, Rose, he'd thought at the time, if you only knew…

"Did I?" he asked indifferently.

She didn't answer. The wind howled through the narrow opening between sash and frame, filling the room with a high-pitched whine. She crossed the room to the window and shoved it upward. When it threatened to slide back down, she snapped the lock closed.

"Rose," he began.

"I'm gonna take a shower," she said, interrupting him. She pulled off her leather jacket. As she draped it over a chair, she toed off her shoes. "Can't remember the last time I had one. God, I must absolutely reek."

"Rose," he began again.

She finally looked at him, for the first time since they'd left Bad Wolf Bay. "Not now, yeah? I'm tired, I'm cold, I'm soaking wet, I've got sand in places I didn't even know I had, I haven't eaten in, fuck, I don't even know when. I just… just…" She held up her hands with a stopping motion. "Just give me a mo."

Before he could answer, she slipped into the bathroom. The lock on the door engaged with a loud click.

Locking him out.

Definitely not an auspicious beginning.

The water in the bathroom turned on, the pipes groaning in protest. He shivered. While waiting for transport to Bergen, they'd been caught in a sudden downburst, soaking them to the skin. His own suit, TARDIS created, was only water resistant, not water proof, and he'd managed to get as wet as Rose and Jackie had. In fact, with the leather jacket Rose had been wearing, she'd probably stayed drier than he.

"Not that it was a competition or anything," he said aloud. Although they'd competed on more bizarre things than that. Back in the old days. The wager with Queen Victoria had just been the beginning. There'd been wagers on sledging, on skiing, on games of checkers and billiards, on who could finish their pie the quickest. Stupid things. Pointless things.

The things that had made up a happy life.

He sighed. So long ago. A lifetime ago.

Literally. For him at any rate.

He shivered again, wishing things were different. Time was when he could have joined her in that shower she was having. Clearly not an option now, not when she had so pointedly locked the door.

For the first time, he looked around the room that Jackie had booked them into. It was just a typical hotel room. A bit more upscale than most perhaps, as befitted her current status as wife of a billionaire, but still just a hotel room, similar to rooms in hotels located in every major city on every human-settled planet and asteroid he'd ever visited. A large, flat-screen television hung on one wall, and inoffensive, mass-produced paintings of the city and surrounding countryside hung on the others—serving to remind the weary traveler where he was in case he'd forgotten—along with the obligatory list of dos and don'ts and emergency instructions that were secured to the wall next to the door. Three tan leather arm chairs, one of which currently held Rose's blue leather jacket, flanked a small glass dining table, while a fourth was pushed against a small desk made of a light-colored wood. The same wood had been used for the tiny bedside tables and the gigantic headboard that hung on the wall over the bed.

The huge, and singular, bed.

Still somewhat in shock—from his birth and the emotional crash that inevitably came after post-regeneration mania, from the reduction (and in some cases flat out truncation) of a dozen of his senses due to the metacrisis, from the abandonment in the parallel universe and Rose's slightly schizophrenic reaction to him, and from a dozen other things—when they'd arrived at the hotel, he'd barely paid attention when Jackie had pressed a room key into his hand (only noting, with relief, that he was sharing with Rose and not both she and Jackie).

Disheveled, bedraggled, and dripping wet, as soon as they'd walked into the old-fashioned Grand Hotel in Bergen, they had been informed primly by the tall, thin clerk behind the reservation desk that due to the inclement weather the hotel was full up, and he vaguely recalled having quipped something about there being no room at the inn and mangers, something that had earned him an odd look from the desk clerk and a poke from Jackie, but no response whatsoever from Rose.

But somehow—perhaps it was the Tyler name or the Vitex Corporation or Jackie's casual namedropping of Harriet Jones and the Prime Minister of Norway or maybe simply the jet-black credit card Jackie had pulled out from somewhere—the clerk had managed to find not one, but two large rooms located on the top floor of the hotel.

Well, at least Rose hadn't objected to sharing with him. Perhaps the situation wasn't as bad as it appeared. Certainly it could be worse.

If he had learned anything over the past centuries, things could always be worse.

Shivering, he slipped out of his blue pinstriped jacket and hung it up in the cupboard, leaving the mirrored door open to allow it to dry.

Never before had he been so grateful for Jackie Tyler. He didn't know what he would have done without her, stranded on an alien planet in an alien universe, without resources, without the TARDIS…

A wave of panic began to well up within him. No, he couldn't go there yet. The loss of the TARDIS—his ship, his home, his last connection to his past and his people, and for years his only telepathic link—was too new, too fresh, the lack of a link too raw to be dealt with yet. And the tiny chunk of TARDIS coral, given to him by his other self and buried deep within his pocket, wasn't large enough to form a telepathic bond.

In an attempt to calm himself, he took a deep, cleansing breath, filling his now mostly human lungs with air and holding it for a moment, two, three, four, before slowly blowing it out. For a second as he exhaled, the air in front of him glittered with golden regeneration energy. As he watched it dissipate—that visible reminder of all he'd lost in the metacrisis—the panicky feeling returned, this time threatening to overwhelm him.

This was his last regeneration. This was it. No more lives after this. After possibly half a dozen short decades (assuming he was lucky, and with his track record that wasn't at all likely), it would be all over. No more him.

He exhaled again, and when he again saw a golden glow, he irrationally wanted to suck it back in, trap the excess regeneration energy within himself, storing it for some sort of unnamed future emergency as it were, but that was nonsense. Regeneration energy didn't work that way. It wasn't like nanogenes, to be stored in a jar and let out in times of crisis. Excess regeneration energy had to be released; too much artron energy, the primary ingredient of regeneration energy, was as deadly to Time Lords as a lack of it was. And if it were deadly to Time Lords, what would it do to a frail, Time Lord/human hybrid caused by a metacrisis?

Nothing good, of that much he was certain.

A sudden shooting pain, emanating from somewhere behind his left eye, distracted him from his maudlin thoughts. He winced. Sinking down on the foot of the bed, he rubbed his temple vigorously and closed his eyes. That proved to be a mistake; in his mind's eye, all he could see were Daleks. Daleks everywhere. Daleks threatening, killing everyone he'd ever cared about.

"No," he muttered. He'd killed them, he reminded himself.

Jumping up from the bed, he launched himself at the window, unlocking it and throwing up the sash. He stuck his head out, taking deep gulps of air and willing his newly-singular heart to slow.

He'd killed them.

As the rain stung his face, his voice—but not his voice, not anymore—echoed in his ears.

He committed genocide. He's too dangerous to be left on his own.

He'd killed them. He'd killed them all.

And what's more, given the same set of circumstances, he'd do it again.

What did that make him? A hero? A savior?

A monster?

He was afraid of the answer.

A voice from the past echoed in his mind. Rose's voice.

What about you, Doctor? What the hell are you changing into?

What indeed?

#5763 #ficandchips #tentoo x rose #my fic

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