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#steve angst
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Steve rarely opens up to people,tells them how he feels blaming it on the fact that he grew up with parents who were divided, he didn’t want to end up like that , like his dad he would rather die than to end up like him.
Steve royally regrets that , the sharp scent of alcohol is burning his nose, the beeping machinery around him refusing to soothe his anxiety, his palms sweaty against his thighs , steve's breathing is getting heavier and heavier each second, he assumes its cause he’s tired cause he’s lost a lot of blood but that’s not it.
You’d told him you loved him, opened your walls to him , let him in and told him you really cared for him. You told him that he was your person and he said nothing, nothing to let you know that he loved you more than anything else in the world, more than Dustin's funny jokes and more than Robin's relentless teasing. Steve loves you and he couldn’t say it back.
Now you lay still on a cold hospital bed , dim lighting surrounding you ,your room void of gifts , of flowers , nothing except your sister holding your hand , falling asleep on the seat she moved right next to your bed, blood dripping from both of her nostrils searching for you in the void.
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nervoushottee · 2 months
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Illicit Affairs | Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader
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Summary: You wish you were enough for Steve, but he will always want Nancy. 
Warnings: cheating trope, reader is the other woman, Steve is a cheater, angstttt, very minimal sexual themes, drinking
Note: hey hottees! Back with another Steve fic! Was in the mood for some angsty Steve drama and wrote this in one sitting a few nights ago so there limited editing. Hope you enjoy!
Series Masterlist
(To get into the mood of the story, it helps to listen to Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift while reading)
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You wish you could see this part of him more often than you do. You wish that you could do this during the day instead of the middle of night. You lay in his bed, still naked underneath the sheets from the actions a few hours prior. 
Steve sleeps next to you, snoring softly in the middle of the night as you count the many freckles on up his arms and down his back. Tracing your thumb faintly against his bottom lip, feeling the breath against your skin as he sleeps. He looks peaceful, serene and happy as he holds you tighter in his arms. 
It shouldn’t have gone this way, it shouldn’t have gone like this. You shouldn’t be the other woman who sneaks glances and short kisses. You didn’t want these moments only to be seen behind closed doors. 
When Steve kissed you that night during the small bonfire party. You thought that was it, you thought you and Steve were finally going to be something. The constant push and pull between you both. From the King Steve days before Nancy and after her. From your few exes that all turned to regret and dumb decisions. From blind dates to one night stands in the end the two of you always find each other again. 
Steve was there to pick you up when you faked an emergency to get out of shitty dates. You comforted Steve when Nancy broke his heart. He held you in his arms when you got cheated on.  Best friends weren’t even the right term to describe it. You and Steve both knew it was more than that. Hell, even Robin could see it. 
So when everyone had run into Lovers Lake for a tipsy late night swim, you had got out early to warm up by the fire before going home. Steve saw you, gave you his dry sweatshirt and offered to drive you home. You declined but agreed to let him walk you to your car. 
The two of you talk like usual, not so subtly bumping into each other and staying as close as possible against each other as you walk. Steve makes a joke about not getting his precious hair wet when you ask him why he hadn’t gotten in the lake. It makes you laugh and push him away playfully. 
You get to the driver seat of your car and the two of you stand so close to each other. The moon and the stars watch you both in awe of your ¨will they or won't they¨. You could blame it on the one beer you had two hours before. Or the fact that it was getting late and you were pretty tired already. But you know that would be a lie. Something happened that night, something felt different in the air. Maybe it was Steve’s smile, or how he looked down at you with his eyes low. 
You forgot about everything rational and logical as you placed your wet hand on his cheek and kissed him. 
It was a quick ever so soft kiss.  
When you moved away you thought you would feel a pit in your stomach. A sense of regret from that small yet intimate gesture. But there was nothing there. No ounce of fear or embarrassment. And when you saw the small smile grow on Steve’s face, you knew he felt the same thing. 
He kissed you a lot harder. Both of his hands against your cheek as he presses his lips on yours. He tasted of chocolate and smoke. He was warm like the fire as he wraps his hands around your cold waist. The two of you stay that way for a minute or so before separating. With a smile you ask Steve if you’ll see him tomorrow, and instead of response, he simply kisses you again like it’s second nature. 
The drive home felt magical. The windows down, your hair still a bit wet from the lake as you drove home on the empty roads. You were happy and kissing Steve felt right and long overdue. 
You went to sleep that night with a smile on your face and woke up with one the next morning. It grew even wider when you heard the one, two, three knocks on your door. With a small skip in your step you open the door excitedly. That excitement goes away when you see Steve with his head down and his hands in his pockets. He looks up and tries to greet you with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. You try to ask him if he’s okay but he dodges your question and asks if he can come in. Steve’s never forward with you. He comes to your house when he pleases and vice versa. He never needs an invite or a request. Despite the small ounce of worry forming in your stomach, you nod your head and Steve enters.  
He heads to your kitchen and puts both hands on the countertop. His back is towards you and his head leans down. It almost looks like he’s going to be sick with how he looks in front of your sink. 
“Is everything okay?” You ask shyly. 
Steve doesn’t respond immediately, which causes the worry to grow larger and larger with every silent second. Finally to your relief, Steve speaks. 
“After you left last night, Nancy talked to me about some things.” He tells you. His back still turned but his head raised as he looked out your small kitchen window. 
“Yeah?”, urging him to go on. The worry grows fiercely now when you hear “Nancy” leaving his lips.
He finally turns around to you, crossing his arms and leans back against the counter he was just hunching over. Despite seeing him now, his eyes don’t meet yours. He looks at his shoes, your fuzzy socks you wear at home, even the old kitchen tile. “She-uh” he scratches his eyebrow, a small thing he does when he’s nervous and hesitant. 
“What did she ask you out or something?” You say with a small laugh. You try to say it as a joke, but deep down it's a question you ask to finally put the worry to rest. But when Steve finally looks up at you immediately after you ask,  you know that your joke was his reality. Fuck. 
“She said that she wanted to try again. Asked if I wanted to.” Steve tells you softly. 
You try not to scoff at what you hear. Despite your worry and the big wave of heartbreak that’s about to rush over you if you know any better. You can’t help but go into bestfriend mode and get upset about Nancy acting like Steve still doesn’t love her. That he wouldn't sit and roll over if she asked him to. The many years you’ve been friends with Steve, you’ve never seen him love someone has fiercely and wholeheartedly as he does with Nancy. Despite them being apart you know Steve would prefer it a different way. 
You force the anger down your throat  like a large pill and try to keep the many emotions you feel from surfacing.“And what did you say?” You ask him quietly. 
He doesn’t speak again, but he doesn’t have to. His eyes tell you all you need to know. It’s filled with guilt and apologies. Filled with a need to hold you and kiss you all the same.
 “Oh.” you respond. Instinctively,  your arms wrap around your waist as best as they can. In an attempt to comfort yourself. You try to force the tears away as you blink at them harshly. 
“I understand.” You tell him. And you do. You know that you didn’t stand a chance against Nancy Wheeler. She was beautiful, smart, kind and determined. Who wouldn’t want to be with her? You knew if Steve was ever given the option to try again with Nancy. If he was with another girl or guy and she wanted to give it another go, he’d say yes in a heartbeat. So what made you any different?
You didn’t notice that you were  crying until Steve pointed it out, walking to you quickly to wipe them away from your cheek. You should push him away. You should tell him to go to Nancy and that you will be fine. That the kiss from last night was because you were drinking and alcohol made you feel warm and affectionate. But you didn’t, you let him wrap his arms around you and kiss your head repeatedly. You let him tell you soft praises of comfort as he slowly rocks you both, back and forth. And you let him kiss you in the middle of your kitchen. Your lips wet with tears as you hold on fiercely on the bottom of his shirt. 
That was one of the first many nights of his affair with you. Of you being the only woman. There were no rules or decisions made of how it was going to be. The two of you just fell into a rhythm of loving each other quietly. Steve would come to you in the middle of the night with a knock on your door. You would use the key hidden beneath the daisy plant and slip inside his bed next to him. 
Nancy never slept over at Steve’s, he would only spend the night at hers. You don’t know why you had asked the question one night after hours of ecstasy and bliss. The sweat on your skin slowly drying from laying together naked in the sheets. Steve’s fingers tracing up and down against your back when he tells you. “I don’t let Nance in here. We don’t do anything here.”
Meaning he doesn’t have sex with her here. She doesn’t moan his name like you do against his sheets. She doesn’t sleep in the spot you’ve marked as your own in his bed. She doesn’t wake up in the middle of night to use his bathroom or place her toothbrush in the same spot you leave yours. You don’t know if his confession makes you feel better or worse. Because you know it will happen sooner or later. 
And one day, you’ll put an end to this. One day you’ll stop. Because you know it's not fair.  
Not to you or to Steve or even Nancy. But you know the day you tell Steve to choose, that you’re not going to like his answer. You won't be his first choice. You never were. And if you hear him say it, it will all feel too real. You don’t think you’d  have the heart to stay around any of them after that. Your heart is  shattered already and Steve is holding the pieces right in front of you with the glue in his pocket. 
So you tell yourself that you’ll ask him tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes and you put it off for the next day. And the cycle goes on and on and on and on because you only just got Steve.
You’re not ready to let him go just yet, even though he’s not really yours in the first place. 
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steddieasitgoes · 3 months
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@steddiemas Day 16 Prompt: Angst Themed Sentence Starters
3. I don’t know what you want from me. and 5. I don’t want to fight with you. Not tonight.
Tags: Established Relationship, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mentions of Past Child Neglect, Protective Eddie Munson
wc: 1184 | Rating: T
Read on ao3 | ao3 collection
“I don’t know what you want from me!” Steve shouts, arms thrown in the air.
He’s glued to the floor in their living room watching as Eddie stalks up and down the length of the room in the dim glow of their Christmas tree. Steve’s hands are clutched around the cordless phone, double-checking that he properly hung it up.
The last thing he needs is for his mother to overhear the argument currently going on.
The same argument that happens every year, without fail.
An unofficial tradition that Steve fucking hates.
“I want you to stand up for yourself!” Eddie shouts back.
Their voices may be raised, but they’re not screaming at each other. At least, not in the ways they were raised too. Their voices may be loud, but they don’t hurl insults at each other. Nor do they shout directly at each other, shouting their concerns into the void of the room instead.
“I do stand up for myself!” Steve defends, crossing his arms.
“Not when it comes to them!” Eddie growls, flippantly waving his hand in the air. “I thought we decided after last year's disaster that we weren’t going to put up with it anymore. If your parents wanted to be in our lives, they’d be there for us every day and not just on the choice fucking holiday so you’re mom can take her family picture that conveniently always makes me look terrible.”
“I know. Okay? I know we said that!” Steve uncrosses his arms, one hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. The other hangs limply by his thighs, opening and closing into a fist, tethering him to the moment. “But they’re still my parents!”
Eddie scoffs, shaking his head. “Just because a piece of paper says they’re your parents doesn’t make it true.”
“I know, but—“
“No! No buts! They’re shitty people, Steve! I’m not going to apologize for saying that because it’s the truth! They only want you around when it's convenient for them and then they leave. You might not see it, but every time they walk out that door you turn into that lonely, abandoned teenager you’ve worked so hard to grow from! I’m not going to let them keep doing that to you!”
“Eddie,” Steve huffs. He’s not wrong, not in the slightest. But it still stings hearing it. Knowing that even though he tries to hide how he feels when his parents walk out the door every year, Eddie sees. That he hurts just as much as Steve does.
“What if it was my dad who called and said, “Clear you’re scheduled for the 20th, we’re having Christmas dinner since I’m going out on Christmas but still need to show face with my friends and see you?” What if he did it every fucking year for seven years, only to bitch and moan about every little thing? Questioning my life choices, talking shit about the man I’ve become because I didn’t live up to his expectations. Making snide comments about you when he thinks you’re not listening. Would you let him keep coming?”
“Of course not!”
“Then you understand where I’m coming from!” Eddie says, slowly making his way over to Steve. “I wish things were different. I wish your parents saw you for the amazing man you are. Saw us for all the work we’ve done to better ourselves. But they don’t. They never will. And I’m tired of pretending for a few hours every year to be okay with their bullshit. You deserve better than that.”
“I—“ Steve breaks, the first tear racing down his cheek before he can even register what’s happening.
He’s wrapped in Eddie’s arms in an instant, pushed and flushed with his warm chest. His shirt is soft, soothing the prickly feeling spreading across his own cheeks as he lets the tears fall. Eddie holds him, strong and firm. Rocks him slowly in his arms, and runs a hand soothingly up and down his back. Whispers encouragement into the wild tufts of hair on the top of his head.
“Sweetheart,” Eddie coos. “It’s okay. S’gonna be okay.”
“I don’t want to fight with you,” Steve hiccups, pulling away from Eddie’s embrace. “Not tonight. Not ever.”
“I don’t want to fight with you either.” With a gentle hand, Eddie swipes the tears from Steve’s eyes before cradling his face in his hands. “Especially not about your parents. Maybe about your questionable taste in movies—“
“Hey!” Steve laughs, swatting at Steve’s chest. “You’re the one with the questionable taste.”
Eddie hums, shaking his head. “Keep telling yourself that, big boy.”
They stay like that for a few moments, wrapped in each other's embrace. Letting the tension ease from their bodies and minds. The air in the room already feels lighter, the lights on the trees twinkling brighter.
But there’s still a weight pressing on Steve’s chest. One he knows isn’t going to go away until he figures this out. Once and for all.
“What should I tell them?” he mumbles, words nearly lost amongst the quiet hum of their space heater.
“You could tell them we’re going on vacation? Or that we already made plans.”
“I don’t want to lie to them,” Steve sighs, feeling the pressure building behind his eyes again. “If I tell her that she’ll want to see pictures or hear stories and then it's one lie after another.”
“You could tell them the truth?” Eddie suggests, arms wrapping around Steve again. “Tell them that they don’t deserve to spend Christmas with you because of the way they’ve treated you. That we don’t need their negative energy in our lives.”
Steve grimaces. He wishes he could have a conversation with his mom. Wishes they had the type of relationship that allowed him the grace, to be honest with her. To give her space to listen and hopefully learn. But they don’t. They never have. All that will get Steve is an earful of guilt and yelling, followed by a call from his father about he broke his mother.
Still, what other choice does he have?
If he doesn’t want to lie, the truth is the only other option.
“Will you stay by me while I make the call?”
“Of course, sweetheart. M’not going anywhere.”
“Okay,” Steve says, letting the plan take shape in his head. “Okay. I’m going to tell her the truth.”
“I’ll be the whole time,” Eddie says, squeezing Steve’s hand. “But if she starts yelling, I will grab that phone and hang up on her. You understand that, right?”
“I think you hanging up on my mom is the kindest thing you could do to her.”
“Damn right, it is!” Eddie laughs. “Now come on, let’s rip this bandaid off so we can start planning what we’re actually going to do now that we have the 20th free.”
“I’m sure you already have ideas.” Steve laughs, watching as Eddie’s eyes light up as they drink him from head to toe.
“Yeah,” he says, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip. “I’ve got a few ideas up my sleeve.”
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imtryingbuck · 4 months
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Too Late.
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~ gif not mine credit to owner ~
Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!Reader
Summary: Y/n’s Steves girlfriend and she’s been taken by Hydra, will he get to her in time? Will she want to go with him if he does?
Word count: 2,237
Warnings: angst. cheating. nat and steve are terrible people. pregnancy. miscarriage. tiny mention of being sick. swearing. ending is terrible sorry.
A/N: women aren’t failures or less of a woman if they have miscarriages, unfortunately and sadly it’s a natural thing.
Masterlist
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Why he kept doing it was beyond him.
The first time it happened both swore that it was a mistake, second time was a mistake too. The third time was to blow off steam from a rough mission. The fourth time, a mistake.
Now they’ve lost count of how many mistakes there’s been.
They know there’s been too many “this is the last time” before they end up in the same position.
Even though he knew what he was doing was wrong he just couldn’t stop.
When he woke that morning he knew he had fucked up. In the whole time that they’d been fucking he never fell asleep, he always headed home afterwards. He never once woke up with her in his arms. This was intimate, something that they didn’t do. It was just sex. They barely kissed, it was rough, he barely touched her other than her hips or his hand on her head as he pushed her face further into the pillow, further away from his mind - from his guilt.
Finding his phone he jumped up out of the bed his heart in his throat at the 22 missed calls and the one text message. He made her have a number that she would send to him for emergencies. For when she wasn’t or felt safe.
He received the number 4 in-between the many missed calls.
“Shit, baby pick up.” He chanted as he picked his clothes up off the floor and shoving them on in a hurry.
“St-Steve?” A woman’s voice came from the bed.
“Get up. Somethings wrong with Y/n”
“Shit”
Natasha took the sheet to cover herself as she rose from the bed, her too putting her clothes back on in a hurry.
Steve ran out of the room finding the team in the kitchen, Natasha soon following. “H-has Y/n called any of you? Somethings wrong”
Receiving a chorus of no’s his heart plummeted in to the depth of his stomach. Not giving any thought to it he took off running to the garage.
Speeding through the busy streets Steve kept trying to ring Y/n, heart rate going through the roof every time he heard her voicemail. Not even parking the car he jumped out and ran up to their apartment, Bucky and Sam quick on his heels.
“No no no no no” the door was open halfway.
“Y/n? Baby, I’m home…” he tried, Bucky and Sam swore they never heard Steve’s voice sound so small.
Taking small steps into the apartment he has shared with his girlfriend for the past three years he felt like he couldn’t breathe.
The grey couch was tipped on its side, cushions once nearly placed on said couch now lay on the floor. Pieces of glass from the photo frames they had hung up, littered the ground. Trinkets and ornaments belonging to Y/n, that took her ages to get a nice collection going was broken on the floor amongst the mess.
But that’s not what caused him to loose his breath, no, it was the small puddle of blood in the middle of their living room, droplets leading to where he stood and behind him.
Bucky made his way around the wall that was Steve and did a sweep of the apartment in signs of his best friends girlfriend. Sam took off in the direction of where Bucky was calling his name. Five minutes later they both emerged from the bedroom, Bucky holding two things in his hands.
“S-Steve…”
“What are they?”
“A phone…and um, a…a pregnancy test.” Bucky stuttered out, his heart pounding violently.
“W-what does the test say?” Nat questioned quietly from behind Steve as she stood with the rest of the Avengers.
“It-its positive”
No one moved as Steve hunched over and puked up.
Just as he was about to stand the phone started ringing. Bucky answered and put it on loud speaker.
“You’ve been a naughty boy Steven so we took your girlfriend. You have less then… ten hours to find her, hopefully she won’t be too mad at you. Hail Hydra” the voice on the other end of the phone chuckled darkly before hanging up.
“What the fuck is going on?” Tony demanded.
“I-I don’t know, we need to find her. I can’t lose her”
“We’ll find her don’t worry” Nat says as she put a comforting hand on his arm, Steve looked at her hand in disgust and yanked his arm away as if she had burned him.
“Don’t. Ever. Touch. Me. Again.” Steve growled in her ear quietly, even Bucky didn’t hear.
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Her head throbbed, her whole body ached and was sore when she finally came to.
“Ah you’re awake, finally. I’m Conrad and I’ll be here to help you through this very tough time”
“W-where am I?”
“With Hydra darling. Believe it or not but you’re safe, I promise”
“Really? You pricks attacked me and you want me to believe you when you say I’m safe?” She chuckled with a head shake.
“I know, that wasn’t suppose to happen but we didn’t realise that one of Captain Americas girlfriends was so feisty, well we knew one was but not you” he says.
“W-what are you talking about?”
“Oh didn’t you know? Weird. Steve has another girlfriend. You know her, Natasha also known as the black widow.”
Her heart cracked but she didn’t believe him, he was a member of Hydra for Christ sake. “Your lying”
“Hold on. Matthews turn the screen on and let’s show our guest where her hero is.”
The bright light from the tv screen she hadn’t even noticed was there, nearly blinded her. Conrad told Matthews to press play, her soul felt like it had died.
There was her boyfriend on six years thrusting in and out of her best friend.
“T-t-turn it o-off”
“No. Look in the right corner where his jeans are, open your eyes and do it Y/n.”
Complying with his order her eyes slowly peeled open and look where he had told her. There on the floor was the jeans she had brought him when he needed some new ones, every few minutes there was a flash.
“Want to know what that is? It’s you, you was ringing him when we came knocking. You was running and hiding ringing for him whilst he was fucking another woman. Matthews fast forward to the best part”
The footage fast forwarded and she saw Steve sleeping and Natasha climbing out of the bed, going to his jeans and picked up his phone she saw all the missed calls but instead of doing anything she put the phone down on the bedside table and climbed back into the bed.
“She’s not very nice is she? She knew you needed him but she didn’t care, that’s not a good friend is it?” Conrad mocked with a chuckle. “D-do you want a drink of water?”
The change in his tone confused her, one minute he was mocking her then in the next he sounded worried.
“H-here, take slow sips. It’s just water, look I’ll take a sip.” He says “see, it’s okay I promise.”
“W-why are you doing this?”
“I’m helping you. I’m not really the bad guy in this Y/n-“
“Why?”
Just as Conrad was about to respond Matthews ran into the room “they’ve arrived”.
“Ah show time”.
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“Where is she?” Steve demanded clutching his shield tighter.
“She’s here, didn’t think you’d find us so soon Cap.” Conrad says from where he was stood, a grin on his lips.
“Where is she?” He repeated.
“Bring her in, nicely I don’t want any more harm coming to her”
The team watch as the door comes open from the left side of the room and Y/n came through it with two Hydra agents by her side.
“Doll-“
“How long.” It wasn’t a question but more of a demand.
“What are you talking about?” Steve questions.
Instead of answering him she turned to the others “did you guys know?”
“Know what?” Tony asks.
“Did you know that Steven was fucking Natasha?”
Both Steve and Nat flinch as she calls them by their full names. Natasha slowly backed up as the team looked at the pair.
“D-Doll whatever they’ve told you is a lie”
“I saw it with my own two eyes. How long”
“Doll-“
“A year.” 
Steve and Natasha spoke at the same time.
“A…year?”
“It was an accident Y/n/n-“
“Don’t call me that Widow. A year isn’t an accident, did the rest of you know?”
All shook their heads at her question.
“Y/n please, it was a mistake I swear! She means nothing to me.”
Before she could respond Natasha spoke up “I meant nothing to you?”
“No. Please Y/n let’s go home, your pregnant baby”
“Not anymore I’m not. I was two months ago but I lost it, I remember ringing you all night begging you to come home but you never answered a single phone call. Probably with her.” She quickly wiped the fallen tear from her eye as she remembers that night.
The night where her happiness had left her all alone on the bathroom floor, panic raising by the second. Ringing her happiness’s father just for him not to answer, blood flowing down her legs and hands that shook something fierce. She begged and begged for them to come back, promising that she’d do better and be the best mum she could possibly be.
Sadly her happiness had gone away.
Numbly she cleaned up the evidence of her failure, placed the baby onesie she had brought as a present to tell Steve that he was going to be a dad - back in the box it came in, she put the positive pregnancy test in the box along with the sonogram and then neatly placed them in another box, pushing it right to the back of her side of the wardrobe.
Over the next two months whenever she was alone she would take the box out and talk to the sonogram, telling the tiny bean that she loved them. She knew she should of told Steve but she had no idea how to bring the conversation up, she couldn’t bare to see his face light up when she said she was pregnant just to see it fade away when she told him that she had failed as a woman and that it was no longer with them.
To her she was protecting him by keeping it away from him.
“But it doesn’t matter now does it? You guys can fuck off now.”
“No no Y/n please we can figure this out-“
“No. There’s no figuring anything out. You betrayed me, you! I didn’t do anything wrong! You don’t love me no more? Break up with me! You wanted to get your dick wet by some bitch that wasn’t me? Break up with me!” Her voice got louder as she went on stepping further towards him, standing in front of him she felt sick at the devastating look in his eyes.
“I asked Conrad to kill me” she smile sadly at him “you guys need to go now-“
“Y/n baby please I’m sorry, I can be bet-“
“Don’t humiliate me even more please, I’ve wanted this for a while now so please just leave”
Steve opens his mouth but shuts it quickly when the agents of Hydra points their guns at him and his team.
Y/n walks back over to Conrad who leads her through the door they came through. The last thing the Avengers hear is the deafening bang they were all familiar with.
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In the two years that had passed since he lost Y/n, Steve stayed far away from Natasha. 
The team had only recently begun talking to the pair again, they had lost a friend and to them it was Natasha’s and Steve’s fault.
Steve missed Y/n more than anything, sleep didn’t come easy to him not now not when the memories of his betrayal was always there as a constant reminder. Not when all he remembers is the pure devastation look in her eyes or how her hand glazed over her stomach when she spoke about their baby that they lost - a baby that he did not know anything about.
He had no one to blame other than himself for every time he hears a gunshot he’s transported back to that day he lost everything. Lost his world.
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On the other side of the world in a woodland area away from the civilised society sat a lonely small farmhouse, surrounded by a large fence to keep the farm animals inside.
Y/n emerged from the wooden door with a small smile on her face, dressed in her dark blue dungarees that wore a deep green stain on the knees.
She didn’t lie when she said she had asked Conrad to kill her and he had agreed, when they went into the hallway she had fully prepared herself for the bullet to come, to end her life instead the bullet zoomed past her head and lodged itself in the wall.
“I’m not going to kill you Y/n, I-I want to help you leave but you need to stay quiet okay”
“Why are you doing this?”
“I’m not much of a bastard, come on we don’t have long”
Now in the two years since she had left she finally felt at peace, she found herself.
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~ banner credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~
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keerysfolklore · 4 months
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Yuletide Pixels; S.H
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Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader
Summary: Steve Harrington, still nursing a broken heart from his previous love, decides to embrace the holiday spirit by heading to New York to meet his online girlfriend, Y/N, for the first time. As he navigates the festive cityscape, he grapples with the ghosts of his past relationship, determined to open up to new possibilities. However, as Steve gets closer to Y/N, he begins to question if she is everything she claims to be, unraveling a mystery that adds a layer of suspense to their Christmas rendezvous.
Warnings: Mega fluff, A sprinkle of smut and just all the Christmas feels. She/Her pronouns used. Virtual Dating/Catfishing etc, Heartbreak, Angst. Think Hallmark Movies too!
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Part One: Virtual Greetings
Part Two: Connection Error (16/12/23)
Part Three: From Pixels to Passion (23/12/23)
Tagging accounts I love: @hopsgirl @forevermorelovelorn @stevesxyellowxsweater @ghostlyfleur @palmtreesx3 @jadeylovesmarvelxo @upsidedownwithsteve @loveshotzz @munsonsreputation @abibliophobiaa @supernovafics @superblysubpar sorry if I missed any too many to love <3
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haleyhunwritess · 1 year
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hii haley can you write for steve/bucky where they think reader is cheating but she isnt and its a misunderstanding?
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𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠
pairing: bucky x reader, platonic!steve x reader
warning: angst, fluff, mentions of blood and knife wound
a/n: hii my loves i'm back!! i wrote this before my blog got all weird so i thought i would post this while i look over the asks that i missed while my blog was being weird (thanks tumblr🙄) 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
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"Stay still." Steve said, as he carefully lifted your blood-soaked top up to examine the wound. You lightly groaned in pain, and he muttered a sorry as he continued to examine you.
He grimaced at the cut right above your stomach that was still bleeding. Thankfully, the cut wasn't too deep or even that big. Once he could get the bleeding to stop, some stitches should do the trick. Though Steve wasn't a doctor or anything, he'd helped out with similar cuts and wounds in the field, and you trusted him to take care of you. Of course you also knew this was the only way to hide the cut from Bucky.
It was just a simple accident. It could happen to anyone during self-defense training. Well, anyone who would be stupid enough to try to learn Bucky's knife flip with an actual knife.
"Fuck. Steve, how much longer?" You nearly cried, as your adrenaline was slowly starting to wear off, leaving you in an agony of pain.
"I know it hurts, I'm sorry. The bleeding has stopped, I'm just gonna clean up the blood before I start on the stitches." Steve said, offering you a sympathetic smile as he gently wiped the blood off your body, "Are you sure you want me to do this? I haven't done this in a while, and we can still take you to the hospital. Bucky won't find out, I promise."
"Just do it, I'll be fine." You said, gritting through your teeth as the piercing pain returned, "Please just hurry up and do it. The pain keeps getting worse."
Steve sighed as he began searching through his bag for supplies. He began applying a numbing gel on top of the cut, making you cringe in pain at first. You sighed in relief as the area was finally numb, and Steve began sew the cut together with sutures. Eventually, the area was all bandaged up, and Steve got you some pain killers that would help ease the pain. He instructed you to get some rest as he helped you get into bed. You promised him you would sleep and take care of the cut like he had asked, but only if he promised not to say a word about this to Bucky. He reluctantly agreed and stayed in bed with you until you fell asleep.
Once you fell asleep, he went downstairs and texted Sam to come over to take care of you. Steve had to leave for a meeting and he didn't wanna leave you alone, and Bucky wasn't supposed to be back for another two days. Plus you would kill Steve if he told Bucky.
While waiting for Sam's reply, he began looking through the fridge to see if he could put some dinner together for you before you woke up. However, not so surprisingly, the only thing in the fridge was beer and some soda. He checked the time on his watch, and decided he had a few extra minutes to quickly grab some takeout for you before he left for his meeting.
Walking up to the door, he took his phone out of his pocket to see if Sam had replied. He noticed there were two notifications from Sam and before he could even look at them, the front door opened. Steve looked up, and his eyes widened as he realized Bucky had come home.
"Buck, what are you doing here?" Steve immediately asked, making Bucky frown.
"Uh I live here?" Bucky replied, with a confused expression on his face, "Are you okay, Steve? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Oh yeah, right. I just meant you weren't supposed to come home for another two days." Steve chuckled awkwardly as he tried to think of a way to get Bucky out of the house again.
"Yeah I just came home early, missed my girl." Bucky smiled as he took his jacket off before looking around for you, "Where is she?"
"Oh she's not home, she went out with a friend." Steve lied, looking away from Bucky.
Bucky frowned in response, as he could tell Steve was lying, "Okay, so what are you doing here then?"
Steve's eyes widened as he realized he'd messed up, "Oh umm, I was just, I just wanted to uhh..." He tried to think of a lie but with Bucky glaring at him, nothing came to mind.
"Where is she?" Bucky asked again, this time in a serious tone with his arms crossed.
Before Steve could say anything, you called out for Steve from your bedroom, "Steve, are you still here? I need you."
Steve groaned as he watched Bucky angrily make his way over to your bedroom, "Why did I agree to do this?"
You carefully sat back up in bed, bringing the blankets up a bit to cover yourself up since you were still topless. You were still in a lot of pain and could barely move so you needed Steve's help to hand you your water bottle. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched a figure appear in the doorway. You sighed in relief, thinking it was Steve but then you realized it was Bucky, and Steve was standing behind him with his face in his hands.
"Doll, what's going on?" He asked nervously as he moved closer to you. Then he noticed the smell of Steve's cologne that was coming from you, and he nearly gasped as he noticed you weren't wearing a shirt. In fact, it looked like you weren't wearing anything at all with the way the blanket was covering up your body.
You noticed a shift in his eyes, watching as the flames flickered in his irises, and his nervous facial expressions quickly turn into those of pure loathing. You couldn't figure out why he was angry though. You purposely kept the blanket draped around your body so he wouldn't see the injury, so what was he so mad about.
"How long has this been going on?" He spit out, making you cringe in worry.
"Look buddy-" Steve started to explain but Bucky quickly cut him off.
"I don't believe I was talking to you. How long has this been going on?" Bucky glared at you, and you looked at Steve with a puzzled look on your face.
"Bucky it's not like you don't know about this." You replied, shifting uncomfortably as the pain was starting to get to you now, "He literally picks me up every morning."
You frowned when Bucky looked at you with a disgusted look on his face, then looked back at Steve before scoffing. You didn't get why he was so angry. Steve has been picking you up every morning for your training sessions. Bucky even knew that, then why was he acting this cold. Bucky turned back to you, ready to start screaming at you, when he noticed the big bandage that was covering something on your stomach. Bucky walked over to you, and carefully lifted the blanket off of you, making you groan in frustration.
"Ugh...okay look I'm sorry but I didn't wanna tell you because I didn't want you to worry, or kill Steve for trying to teach me how to do the knife flip thing. I also hate going to the doctors, you know that. But I swear Steve was so careful, and the cut doesn't hurt too much." You said, trying to make sure Bucky didn't get angrier. However, he just looked confused and a bit concerned instead.
"What you talking about?" Bucky questioned looking at Steve and then back at you, "Are you two not sleeping together?"
Steve nearly choked on his own spit before his face turned bright red at Bucky's implication. He really thought you were cheating on him with his best friend.
"No! God no, we're not! I would never do that to you." You replied, feeling a bit angry at him for assuming you would do such a horrible thing, "I got hurt during our training sessions that's all."
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. Steve lied to me downstairs and when I came up here you were...it doesn't matter, I'm so sorry, baby." Bucky said, hugging you tightly. Although, he quickly let go when you almost yelped in pain from the tight embrace, "Sorry, baby, Are you okay? Does it hurt a lot? How did this even happen?"
"Well I told her not to try the knife toss and flip thing but she's as stubborn as you so," Steve chuckled, as he picked his bag up from the floor to look for some more pain relievers for you.
"Wait you were serious about the knife thing? Doll, how many times did I tell you not to try it, I knew you would get hurt!" Bucky sighed, carefully and gently pulling you towards him and wrapping his arms around you, "It's alright, everything is gonna be okay. I'm gonna take care of you, okay angel?"
You nodded in response, leaning against Bucky as he gently rubbed your back, "So you're not going to yell at me?"
"Oh no, I will but not right now. When you feel better you're getting a proper lecture on knife safety." Bucky smiled, gently kissing your forehead before continuing to stroke your back.
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taglist/moots: @starobi @chrisevansdaughter @cherryflavoredchapsticck @livvinitt @marvel1984 @babyhoneyriv @babyhatesreality @timidpumpkin @matchat3a @pono-pura-vida @sonalokibarnes @alex-ackerman-11 @ailathealternate @buckysugar
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fandoms-writings · 5 months
Text
Say it Back
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Avenger!Reader
Word Count: 940
Summary: "Why didn't you say how bad it was?" Requested by Anon for milestone celebration
Warnings: ANGST, major cliffhanger, injuries, mentions of blood.
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Frantic hands smoothing over your skin pulled you from your haze, your blurry vision working to clear as a face crowded you. Steve. 
You couldn't hear him, not yet at least. Your ears were ringing terribly and everything else was muffled. You saw his lips moving though, and that worried furrow in his brow that he tried to hide from everyone. Everyone but you. Never from you. 
You watched as he looked down, his face palling at whatever was there. You followed his gaze, the red river pouring from your stomach reminding you of what happened. How you got here. The men you fought while protecting hostages your team hadn't known were in the building. 
You'd told Steve you'd gotten them out, and you had after killing the last enemy. You told him you'd been injured but that you'd be fine, because you thought you would. You thought you'd get out in time. 
But as you led the last of the hostages through the back door into the clearing that led to the quinjet, all you remember was a loud boom before your world went black. 
Your hearing slowly came back as you focused on Steve's words, trying your hardest to make out what he was saying, the words finally coming through just enough. 
"What happened?" He asked, applying as much pressure to your abdomen as he looked out, searching for what you didn't know. 
"B-bomb - I think," You muttered back, trying not to wince at the hoarseness in your own voice. 
You saw the moment he thought back to what you'd said to him before the explosion, how you weren't hurt too badly, as he inspected the wound. 
"Why didn't you say how bad it was?" He asked, his voice breaking as he again raised his head to look out, probably watching for the rest of the team.
You shook your head, "It wasn't. . . when I told you. . ." You knew that was bullshit, and so did he. But it was what you'd thought at the moment. You hadn't taken the time to assess yourself before getting the others out. 
Instead of fighting you on it, though you could see in his eyes that he'd reprimand you for it later, he reached up to his ear piece, calling for assistance, refusing to take his other hand off your wound to move you. You could tell you'd already lost so much blood, the dizziness in your head and the blurriness around the corners of your vision clues enough. 
So did the red staining your fingers as you raised them to trace Steve's cheek, smearing across his skin as he turned to look at you again. 
You stopped panicking a while ago, letting your body and mind calm as you came to a sort of understanding within yourself. This could be your last moment. 
These could be your last seconds. 
You wanted to spend those seconds memorizing his face, even if it was filled with worry and those tears you hated seeing had started spilling from his eyes. You took in all of it. The way his brows furrowed and creased his forehead and the way his lips parted as his breath fanned your face. The disheveled state of his hair after he'd thrown or lost his helmet somewhere. 
You wanted to remember all of it, no matter what happened. 
Knowing Steve like you did, you knew he was going to be blaming himself, having been the one to send you this way. You were supposed to have one of the new agents with you, but they'd caught the flu and you assured him you could do it on your own. 
There wasn't supposed to be a bomb. 
"Steve," You breathed, his eyes landing on yours again, "It's not your fault." 
"I should've gone with you," He muttered, "I shouldn't have let you go alone. No matter what." 
"It's okay," Your voice was faint now, and your body had started to go numb, limp in his hold, "It's okay." 
Something flashed in his eyes and you heard him call for backup again, telling them to 'hurry their asses' to which you let out what you thought was a giggle, but just came out a choked sound. 
"Language, Steven," You scolded him, giving him a smirk as he looked down at you and shook his head. 
"Really?" He asked, "Right now?" 
You huffed at that, the feeling in your fingers against his face starting to lose their feeling. You could barely feel the scratch of the stubble that he hadn't shaved yet. You couldn't stop the burning in your eyes as tears gathered along your lashes. 
"I love you, Steve," You muttered, doing your best to squeeze his chin, though you doubted he could even feel it. "Take care of them, okay?" 
He knew who you were talking about. The team. 
"Don't talk like you're not making it out of here," his voice broke and his lip wobbled but his face was set in stone. "I'm getting you home." 
"I know you are," You gave him a weak smile, "But don't be too hard on them, alright? And don't . . . don't isolate. . . okay?" 
He took one hand off your abdomen, reaching up to brush his fingers against your cheek, wiping the tears as he nodded, his facade cracking and falling as tears of his own splashed your chest. "Okay." 
"It's rude not. . . not to say it back." You raised your brows the best you could at him, your heart cracking at the broken sound that escaped his lips. 
"I love you too, honey," He leaned down pressing his lips to yours, "I always will." 
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As always, thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are all very much appreciated.
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No, you can't call me her name (S.R)
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Steve Rogers x Reader 
Masterlist
P.T. 2 of Can I call you her name?
Summary: It’s funny how they say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. 
9.8k words
Content Warning: Angst, heartbreak, Steve’s side of the story, +18 SMUT, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (slight mentions of penetrative sex), fluff from an spectators point of view, big talks about heartbreak and emotional damage because of a relationship. 
A/N: It's finally here! I hope you guys enjoy it and sorry it took longer than I thought it would.
Post dividers by @firefly-graphics
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For as long as he can remember, Steve’s life has been plagued by an unstoppable force of people leaving his life, whether it was by death itself, broken relationships, or just time. He had lost his mom when he was only eighteen years old, left alone to figure out his place in a vicious world that had no place for someone like him.  
He had also lost Bucky. Except that this time, it wasn't death that did it, at least not entirely. He had lost his brother that day when he fell from the moving train. Everyone, including himself, had thought of him as dead, as it would be impossible for him to survive the fall. The second time he lost him was when he realized what he had become.  
Steve had also lost Tony for a while, but the relationship was still on its way to becoming what it once was. He had lost Peggy, the possibility of a life with the woman who had won his heart for the first time.  
He had lost stability ever since he woke up from the ice. Things in his life always seemed to fluctuate between okay and bad without warning. Every day could be the day he lost someone else, or something bad could happen to the rest of the world, which would always fall on his shoulders to fix. 
That was until she came.  
Steve never meant to fall for her. In the beginning, she was just a coworker, someone he had met through S.H.I.E.L.D. and who he would occasionally see during briefing meetings. There was no love at first sight or a sudden realization that he had found the person he had been looking for to complete him. 
First, it was just a talk, small talk that turned into something more comfortable once they shared that they grew up in the same neighborhood, at different points in time, but the familiarity of the past was enough to entice him.   
One day, he noticed how he was unconsciously waiting for her to cross the door, hoping she would look at him and wave him hello. Another day, he realized how much he liked when she smiled at him, his own smile mimicking hers, and how he would fix his hair and clothes before going into a room she was going to be in.  
From that moment on, he was a goner. 
She had turned into that piece of stability he had been missing in his life. Their relationship meant he had something to grow attached to, someone to come back to. The veil of loneliness that lingered in his life was slowly lifted with her help, and Steve no longer felt out of place. He was no longer a man out of time.  
Things moved on quickly. Six months later, they moved in together, and the confidence they both had in their decision tuned out other people's input about the relationship. Mostly Bucky, who had warned him not to go in too deep, but Steve, as brave and selfless as he could be, was also stubborn. 
For five years Steve was able to go back home and it would actually feel like one. For five years, no matter how hard things got, he was always good. Happy. Content. Because for five years he had her at his side, no matter what life would throw at them.  
Everything was stable for a while. But the one thing Steve failed to realize was that just because you are happy where you are, that doesn’t mean things will stay the same. Good things rarely last, and time moves too fast.  
Steve never saw it coming when she came home one day and told him she had taken a job on the other side of the country. The news that she had been planning this for a while blindsided him. He was aware that things weren't as good as they used to be; a certain amount of tension had lingered between them for the past half year of their relationship. But he thought they could work on it, fix whatever had been broken, and go back to how things were.  
After all, he has always been a fighter. No matter how difficult, no matter how unlikely, no matter how painful, as long as there was hope, he would fight.  
Except this time, he should’ve given up.   
"Because I don’t love you anymore!"  
"I can’t keep living in this—this farce. Every time I come home, I wish you weren’t here. I wish I was alone in this house because at least then I could breathe, and I wouldn’t have to pretend I still feel something when you touch me."  
"I need to get away from you, because if I don't, I’ll never leave, and in twenty years, I’ll wake up and realize that I spent my life with someone I have never truly loved." 
Pain and grief weren’t foreign concepts for him. He embraced them, learned from them, and moved on. 
Steve Rogers knew pain from the battlefield. He had been shot, stabbed, burned, and punched by beings ten times stronger than him. He also knew pain from the loss of a friend, the loss of his life, and from the loss of someone he loved. 
But the pain of losing your one silver lining in a sea of darkness was too much to bear. 
After that, life was a blur spent between missions, training, and gathering intel. Mission after mission, report after report, months passed until he finally realized it had been almost a year and a half since she left. 
His hair had changed, his beard had grown, and some might even say he got bulkier as his coping mechanism ever since he got the super serum had been breaking boxing bags. He had moved back into the tower, and his hobby of drawing had stopped completely. The notebook he had half filled with sketches was left untouched in one of the drawers of his desk. 
Things had changed, except for the emptiness of his chest.  
But then you came. 
You came into his life in such an unexpected way that it took him by surprise. a beautiful woman covered in coffee and whipped cream who had such a colorful vocabulary. You were like the whiff of fresh air he had needed for so long, and the more he got to know you, the more he was intrigued by you. He praised your perseverance and enthusiasm for your work, noting that you always gave your all to every project you worked on.He also admired your strength, perhaps not physical but emotional, and the way that no one could make you crumble apart. Not your boss, your coworkers, or humiliation itself. 
Not even him. 
Steve was well aware of your feelings for him from the start.The way your eyes would shine when he touched you or the sound of your heartbeat kicking against your chest when your eyes connected. He saw every change in you when you went from liking him to loving him. You had never explicitly said the words, but there was no need, you couldn’t mask the emotions that hid behind your eyes. 
He knew your feelings towards him from the very beginning, and yet he stayed. He stayed because he liked the way you made him feel and that the loneliness that had taken over his life was no longer there. He allowed himself to be loved by you just so the emptiness in his chest wouldn’t feel so deep anymore. 
But Steve also knew he couldn’t love you back. His heart didn’t belong to him anymore; it wasn’t his to give to someone else, as it had left those years ago with her. The way something broke inside you when you asked him for more almost made him break things up. It would’ve been the best thing for you; you were his friend, yet he had no problem hurting you. 
However, your relationship had shown Steve a quality he never thought he had. He was a selfish man. He couldn't let you go, not when you were the only thing keeping him afloat in the darkness. You were his lighthouse, and without you, he would drown, and he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to come back from it. So he said he needed time; he promised you a future that would never come just to keep you by his side. 
Of all the shitty things Steve had done, he thought this was the worst one. Using you, playing with your feelings, and giving you false hope. He thought he couldn’t hurt you more than that. 
Oh, he had been so wrong. 
But now she had her back. And in the end, it was all that mattered, right? The woman he had been loving ever since she left had, for some reason, decided to take him back. Everything was supposed to be perfect and in place. He was whole now. 
Then why was the emptiness in his chest still there? 
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"So, what do you think?" 
Wide eyes scan the notebook you hold in your hands. For a moment, he thinks you hate it; the drawing of yourself he had made shows you in a compromising position. The sheets from your bed covered the lower half of your body while your arms extended over your head. Your breasts were perked up, and the soft lines ran along your shape in a seductive position as you lay down in bed. 
However, it is your eyes that draw attention away from your frame.Your face is looking directly at the viewer, as if you were laying right in front of them in the flesh. The intensity he portrayed in them is the same one he always sees when you look at him. Steve knows what it is, even if he refuses to acknowledge it. Even when he tries to erase it from his mind, or when he looks away because he can’t bear to see them, they’re always there to greet him. And, if he is honest with himself, he can’t help but be drawn to them. 
He likes how they make him feel. 
You notice the fire in your eyes too. Your fingers softly trace along the lines of the drawing, making sure not to smudge them as it is only made out of pencil. Perhaps he should use one of those drawing pens you gifted to him on his birthday to immortalize your image on the paper; the pencil is too fragile to let your portrait sit on it. It’s a portrait he will like to preserve for eternity. 
"Well, I think that documentary I watched on you lied to me," you say with a frown, eyes still glued to the notebook. 
What?  
His chest sinks a little; maybe you didn’t like it as much as he had thought you would. 
"What do you mean?" 
You look up, and his heart soars. You have the same look, now complimented with a coy smile. 
"They said you were a good artist, but it turns out you’re amazing." 
Your smile is bigger now, and it's contagious. Steve crosses your bed, your bedsheets slipping down his body as he reaches for you. One of his hands grabs the back of your neck to bring you close for a kiss, while the other goes to your hip. The weight of his body pushes you down to your back; his notebook is discarded next to you. 
He can feel your smile as he crashes his lips against yours. A hand rests on his chest as delicate fingers bury themselves in his hair. The way you massage his scalp sends shivers down his spine, a trick you discovered the second time you slept together. 
With a teasing smile on your now puffy lips, you break the kiss apart."Well, someone has a praise kink." 
Heat flushes Steve’s face. The sweet notes of your laugh fill his ears; your head is thrown back slightly as your chest rumbles. You caress his face as your laugh decreases, your fingers brushing his hair as you adjust it. And there they are again, those eyes that burn deep in his soul as much as he tries to avoid them. 
But he can’t bear to look at them. So he just nuzzles against your chest, the affectionate embrace taking you by surprise. 
"I wish we could stay like this forever," he says quietly, almost as if he doesn't think you heard him. 
He shouldn’t have done that. He means every word he says. Because right now, as he lays in your arms, he can forget about everyone else outside your apartment. Just for a few seconds, he can pretend. 
He can pretend to forget about her. 
"Me too," you whisper back. 
The hopefulness of your words almost breaks him. 
Darkness met Steve’s eyes as he opened them. It took him a second to remember he wasn’t back in your apartment, nor had you settled against him. Instead, the warmth he feels next to him is from the girl he yearned for in that memory, and the apartment he was settled in was hers. 
He had dreamed about you nearly every night since you left. Taunting reminders of your affection for him haunted his dreams every time he closed his eyes, but this time he was unable to escape them. He expected the dreams to stop a couple of weeks after you left. However, as time passed and your absence in his life became more noticeable each day, they kept coming back. Each one was more vivid than the previous, as if his mind was desperate to see you, even if it was in the past. 
"You okay?" Her whisper startled him slightly. He didn’t realize she was awake or that she was staring at him. 
"Yeah, I’m fine." The unconvincing tone of his voice made her frown, but she left him alone. So many times she has asked the same question that his unwillingness to answer doesn’t really bother her anymore. "How long have you been awake?" He changed subjects. 
She shrugged. "A couple of minutes." Her hand settled delicately on his chest, making him turn around to see her. "You were mumbling in your sleep." 
"Oh, sorry," was all he said to her. 
He returned to his sleeping position, his gaze fixed on the roof of her apartment. He'd been there for a few weeks, but he still couldn't get used to her white roof. Yours was also white, but something about this shade made him uncomfortable. Yours made him feel calm. Secure. At peace.  
Maybe it was the neighborhood or the decor you had that made him feel like that. 
Or maybe it was you. 
Instead, he is left with uneasiness every time he comes to see her. Her cups were not where they were supposed to be. The towels she has have a different texture; they somehow felt rougher on his skin, and even the smell in the place is different. The unfamiliarity of the place almost swallowed him whole. 
She laid on top of him, her hand tracing lazy circles on his chest as her lips left kisses on his neck. She’s trying to comfort him, but for some reason, the only thing he felt was an uneasiness that found its way to his chest. 
"Was it a nightmare?" 
"No." He answered quickly, almost too quickly. 
In his dreams, your eyes still carried that same warmth. You still made him feel, even if it’s just a memory. 
"It was a pretty good dream." 
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Why do things have to be so complicated, even when they are supposed to be perfect? 
Steve had a plan for the night. He had cooked dinner, set the table, and even gone to grab her favorite scented candles. Everything was in place. 
He needed a distraction. Or more like a reminder that even if he didn’t have you in his life for the moment, he still had his silver lining. He still had her. He needed to remind himself that everything had turned out for the best, and what better reminder than spending the night together? 
The plan started well; she got home, took a shower, and they both sat down to have a great dinner. He had done this many times when they lived together. He loved the way her eyes sparkled when she saw his surprise and the way she would smile all evening. Nights like that always brought them together. 
However, things may not always be as perfect as they once were. 
He couldn’t remember how it had started. Perhaps it was the way he had cooked the food or the mess he had left in the kitchen, or maybe she just had a rough day at work. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but they started arguing. They had argued in the past, as many couples do, but even in the middle of a screaming match, he could feel the love between the words. And no matter how bad it was, he always felt the need to stay. 
But this time it suffocated him. 
The more they kept fighting, the more the room seemed unbearable to be in. He didn’t like the way she kept saying things about him she didn’t like, the things he had done wrong. He also didn’t like the way he could so easily think of things about her that he found irritating. 
And as she stood up to lock herself in her bedroom, he didn’t feel the need to go check on her. With an anger that seeped deeply through his veins, he slammed the door. He didn’t say a word to her, not even leaving a note behind. 
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There had been a few times when Steve Rogers felt nervous. 
He had felt like that when he was given the serum. The pain he felt once his bones started growing was one he would never forget. He also felt it when he crashed into the ice, saving the city that saw him grow up. The world had moved on for seventy years before he woke up. 
And as he looked at the door of the conference room and his leg bounced up and down, Steve felt the same way he felt all those times. 
Sixty-eight days had gone by since the last time you spoke. For sixty-eight days he had been waiting for this day, when you finally got back from your trip and had to come to the tower to discuss things with him. Work-related things, of course, as you had left it really clear you didn’t want anything else to do with him. 
He had been debating all night whether he would try to apologize again. His heart begged him to do it, to keep trying until you heard his apology. But his rational mind would remind him of the phone call you had the day you left. You didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, and he couldn’t blame you. 
So, instead of keeping apologizing over and over again, he would treat you as if you were just a coworker. He would pretend as if you were a stranger that he had just met. A stranger that knew his deepest, darkest secrets. A stranger that brought him comfort with just her touch A stranger, whose heart he had shattered 
Everything he had planned fell apart the moment you walked into the room and raised your gaze to him. You were there, walking in as if nothing had happened two months ago. But this was not his you. 
There was ice around you, a barrier so tall and thick that he could almost feel it as you got closer. You looked the same. The same clothes he had seen before, the same color and length of your hair, and your features remain intact. You were exactly as he had seen you in his dreams every night.Everything was the same, except it wasn’t. 
"Good morning" was the greeting you offered him. Different, cold, distant.  
He wanted to say so many things, and words of apology were dying on his throat. But he knew how you would react to his wanting to talk about something other than the matter at hand. Besides, he owed you that much after everything he had done. For your sake, he wouldn’t try. He would leave you alone. 
The meeting went through without a problem. If Steve had to describe you in any way, he would use the word polite. Through the whole meeting, you were polite to him, asking him what he wanted to do, suggesting new ideas, and scheduling the places he had to go. You were polite yet distant, and Steve realized that maybe he wouldn’t have to pretend you were a stranger. 
The woman he had met and the one that sat right in front of him were not the same. The woman in front of him didn’t have the same love pouring from her heart when she talked to him. He wasn’t even sure still you had a heart. 
It was all his fault. 
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He was supposed to stay the night in her apartment; a bag of clothes for the next day hanging from his shoulder was proof of it. But as soon as he laid on the bed, his brain refused to shut down. Flashbacks to him seeing you walk into the room plagued his mind, and your icy stare could freeze him on the spot. 
"Selfish, selfish, selfish," his mind kept whispering. 
He would’ve been fine staying the night there even if he couldn’t sleep, but when Steve felt her hand trailing down, his first reaction wasn’t excitement. Blue eyes and blonde hair met his sight; her fingers searched through his skin, leading down a path that led under his pants. Before, just the lustful look in her eyes was enough to make him hard. Now it just made him want to crawl away. 
She had become a constant reminder of the things he had done and the irreparable damage he had caused to you. 
His phone had miraculously saved him. The ding cut through the atmosphere. His body almost jumped from the bed to grab the device that lay on the nightstand next to him. A simple text from Sam asking to borrow his brown leather jacket since his had been ruined a couple weeks ago. He texted him back, quickly gathering his belongings as he zipped the duffle bag. 
"Sorry, they need me back at the tower." He had lied. 
That night, he walked for hours in the dark streets of New York, passing through the places he had taken you on your first date or non-date. 
He could still feel your lips on his when his eyes were closed. 
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There were three times Steve realized your relationship with his best friend was turning into something else.  
The first time happened during a work meeting. Everything went exactly as it had gone ever since you came back. Professional, superficial, and distant. His mind told him it was the best for both, but especially for you. He couldn’t ask anything more of you, and even asking you to hear his apology would be for his own benefit.  
But he couldn’t help but want to be selfish, not when you were just inches away from him. It was weird how easy it was for you to pretend there wasn’t a past between both of you. He had expected you to be angry at him, yell at him, maybe slap him. He had expected violence because, at the end of the day, it was what he deserved.  
The rage and anger never came. He got the side of indifference, which cut him more than if you were going to hate him for the rest of your life. Why was it so easy? Why couldn’t he do the same and pretend nothing had happened between you two?  
Why did he keep dreaming about you?  
A part of Steve knew the answer, the part of him that had tried to make him stop using you. The part of him that was humane and cared about people had warned him against it, the pang in his chest whenever he could feel your love was proof of it. Every time he ignored that part of his, just like he kept doing whenever he sat next to you.  
Instead, he decided he could be content with just having you here. Because having you sit in front of him was better than not having you at all. Indifference was worse than hate, but he could hold onto it, as long as he could still see you. 
He was content with it until Bucky came around. 
A reflective flash caught his eye. The artificial lightning had reflected from the super-soldier's prosthetic as he stood outside the crystal walls of the conference room. Steve was aware you two were close now, seeing as he had accompanied you not only during his mandatory press tour but also during your two weeks of vacation. He also remembered that he had been the one to take you out of the room that night at the gala.
Steve couldn't blame his friend for wanting to protect you or for seeming to withdraw from him. Bucky had not really spoken a lot to him since that night, instead opting for avoidance at all costs. The only words that Steve was able to get from him weren’t even words. Grunts and nods, monosyllables, and side eyes were all the responses he would get. The only time he had gotten anything else from his was the night after everything crashed down. 
The elevator doors opened, and his friend took long, angry strides out of the metal box. Steve could see his friend's rage seeping through him, a level of rage he hadn't seen in a long time.
Steve never saw Bucky’s fist coming to his face. 
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he roared.  
His nose stung from what he thought was a broken nose. Sparks of pain traveled across his face and blood started pouring out of it. His eyes watered as he tried to escape his friend's grasp so he could protect his face. But his friend’s rage was a strong enhancement to his already strong grip. He held him against a wall. 
"You don’t understand. "She's back," he said, his voice breaking.
"What about her? What about the fact you had been leading that poor girl on for the past two years?" The pressure on Steve's chest from Bucky’s fist increased. Steve turned his head around, not being able to face his friend. 
"I didn’t mean to hurt her—" 
"But you did. The things you said yesterday..." He couldn’t finish his sentence. 
 Steve never meant for you to hear those things, he wasn’t even sure if he was ever going to tell them to you. But when his eyes found yours, the broken image of the girl who had been by his side no longer than 20 minutes ago was seared into his brain. 
"Stay the fuck away from her, or the next time I see you, your nose won't be the only thing that’s broken." 
His relationship with Bucky had been nonexistent since that day. He was lucky that Sam seemed not to be aware of what had transpired, as he had only found it odd that there was no contact between you and him. Steve wasn’t going to explain the situation, too embarrassed to admit it to his friend and risk losing Sam too. 
Lately, he seemed to be an expert at driving away his friends. 
He watched you walk through the door, a smile appearing on your face as you saw Bucky standing outside the room. His flesh arm extended, showing off a cup. He recognized the logo on the side of the object. It was from your favorite coffee place, and it was, as he assumed, your favorite drink. 
You looked at the drink, then at Bucky’s eyes, and Steve saw it. It flashed in your eyes so quickly that he thought he had imagined it. The light in your eyes that once showed for him and only him, was now thrown at Bucky, even if it was just for a second. And in return, Bucky’s eyes showed the same brightness, a light pink flushing his face. 
The coffee mug he held in his hand snapped, its contents spilling all over the table. He didn’t realize his hands were fists or that his jaw was snapped shut as he clenched it. His hands pricked as he continued to stare at you two. Your hand reached out to the super soldier's face, and your lips deposited a small kiss on his cheek. 
Steve heard another breaking noise, except this time it came from his chest. 
The second time he saw was months later.   
Steve Rogers would never describe himself as a guy who likes to go out at night. He didn’t do dancing. It wasn’t like it used to be, the music had another rhythm, his body wasn’t in sync with it. He didn’t do clubs either. There were always too many people in them, the sea of bodies made him feel like he was drowning. He couldn’t even get drunk, the only thing that got him to that state was the Asgardian liquor Thor had gifted him  
He had his exceptions, though.  
That night you had taken him to a club, that first night when everything started. It was his first time inside a club, having previously only attended Tony's extravagant parties. Those were bearable, he was surrounded by people he knew (at least some of them), and the vast space of the penthouse was big enough for him to be able to step away without anyone noticing.  
With you, however, he had been able to dance in the middle of the sea without a care. Your hips swayed to the music, your own body displaying a symphony of movements that made his heartbeat accelerate. His hands moved before his brain could react, landing on the side of your hips. His memories of that night were ones that he would never forget.  
Tonight was another one of those exceptions.   
She wanted to go out. For a couple of weeks she had been nagging asking about it, not taking a no for an answer. Finding the whole conversation repetitive and annoying, he finally caved in today.  
However, he left out an important detail. 
He had heard Sam and Bucky talking in the hallways. He didn’t mean to, as he was making his way to the elevator, and he just happened to pick up the conversation. For what he had gathered, you had invited them to go out with you to a nightclub called Temptation Paradise. He thought about leaving, not wanting to intrude more. But Sam's throwing of your name kept him in his place.  
"You do need to step up your game," Sam chuckled. 
He heard Bucky’s metallic arm flexing. "What do you mean?"  
"What I mean is that you gotta dress to impress her man. And do something with your hair, with all the black clothes and long hair on your face, you look kinda depressing."  
"Fuck you."  
Sam laughed. "No, but I mean it. She’s a beautiful single woman, emphasis on the single, in the middle of the dancefloor. You think no one will shoot their shot with her?"  
Sam’s words had made him decide that tonight was the night. He had managed to discreetly suggest to her that they go to the same place, about half an hour after you arrived there. The excitement she felt almost made him feel guilty, but once again he decided to be selfish. Just one more time.  
A group of her friends had gone with them. Part of him was relieved because they would be a good distraction for her while he looked for you. He told the group he was going to get a drink, scurrying away before they could ask him to bring them some too.  
He hated it. Once again, the sea of people made his chest tighten, body parts bumping and grinding against him as he tried to make his way towards the bar. The ambiance of the place was too dark and sensual for the amount of anxiety he was feeling.  
He spent twenty minutes looking for you. His whisky was almost done, as he had given up hope. Maybe something had happened, and you weren’t even there. Maybe you'd already gone home with someone. He put the glass on the bar, leaving a tip for the bartender.   
It had all been for nothing, and now shame filled him. It was a stupid idea to try and follow you just because of the possibility you might get together with someone tonight. What was he going to do even if it happened? It wasn’t like he could step up and stop anything from happening. He didn’t have any claim over you, and if you were to find out what he had done, you would’ve probably slapped him. He was an idiot.  
But he heard it.  
A laugh. Your laugh.  
Steve felt like he was in a movie. Time had slowed for him, and your shape had become more distinct to him as people moved around the dance floor. Your eyes were closed as you danced along with the music, the lighting of the place dimming until he could barely see anyone around him. Blue and red flashes kissed your skin, the artificial lights dancing all over the place. 
You looked beautiful.  
His feet moved for him. He wanted to touch you, place himself behind you as you kept swaying your hips around. He wanted to feel the heat from your body against his chest, your ass grinding on his crotch. He wanted you.  
Until he saw a hand wrapping around your stomach. Strong fingers moved through your body in the same way that his had done a few years ago. They rested on your stomach for a couple of seconds before they started traveling up your body. Bucky’s figure came into the light, pressing you tighter against him. His head was low enough to whisper something in your ear.  
Steve left the club without looking back.  
The last and third time happened a couple of weeks later. 
It was true that New York is a city that never sleeps. The streets were still filled with light coming from the many billboards and signs that covered the buildings that surrounded the streets. The rain that poured down onto the streets was stopped by his black umbrella, one that was big enough to cover two people. The dark red carnations he held on to his chest remained dry.  
Nighttime walks had become a routine for him. His restless thoughts didn’t allow him to shut off his brain, no matter how hard he tried. He caught himself walking toward your office a couple of times, his subconscious remembering the nights he had that routine. He tried to avoid it, walking in the opposite direction every time he noticed it, but his heart wasn’t as strong as he thought. He bought the flowers before he could even stop to think about it.  
As he kept walking, he saw your office building ahead, still a few blocks away. Steve had gotten so into his head that perhaps he couldn’t tell you how sorry he was, but he could still try to show you. He remembered the days you left late at night, Friday being the usual one, as you wanted to leave everything ready for when you came back. A flash of hurt installed itself in his heart as he remembered he had not been picking you up in the final months of your relationship, his own mind too consumed by his ex’s return.  
He had let you walk the lonely, dark streets alone.  
But the past was the past, he couldn’t do anything to change it. He was half a block away when he saw you going down the stairs, a large black coat covering your frame. Your usual heels were replaced by boots. He remembered you kept a pair in your office for cold, rainy days like these.  
His steps faltered, and his heart stammered in his chest. He was nervous about how you would react to him showing up unexpectedly, but more than anything, the unknown feelings kept coming back every time he thought about you. He didn’t know what they meant, but it seemed as if they intensified whenever you came around.  
With a deep breath, he pulled himself together. This was his chance to prove himself, and hopefully it was enough to keep you in his life. He was ready to face you.  
Except you weren’t alone.  
A figure he hadn’t noticed before approached you. For a moment, he thought the man was going to attack you until he saw your smile. It was the type of smile you gave someone you were fond of. The type of smile that makes the edges of your eyes crinkle. It was warm and welcoming.   
It was the type of smile you used to give him.  
He hid himself behind a vehicle, wanting to watch the interaction more without risking being caught. Who was this man who made you laugh so hard and hugged you so tightly that he noticed the hug was a second longer than it should have been? 
Fortunately, or rather, unfortunately for him, the man took off his hoodie.  
Jealousy was a bitter emotion. The pain in his chest and the rage that made his fists clench were too much for him to bear. The carnations he had been holding close were destroyed, their red petals falling to the ground and being carried away by the streams of rain.  
Your arms entwined as Bucky opened an umbrella to protect you from the weather. He heard your laugh as you rested your head on his arm, your body searching for warmth from his best friend. You walked away, making plans for the night.  
It was like he was never part of your life.  
He was watching you fall in love with someone else. He was being forced by destiny and his own hand to witness how your heart forgot him. 
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Steve should’ve realized sooner that things were not the same .  
At first, it was the little things.  
It wasn’t only her apartment that he found odd, nor was it the furniture or the decoration. It wasn’t just the material things that made him feel out of place. It was the way she would brush his hair with her fingers, the pattern she made wasn’t the one he had gotten used to. Or the way she would kiss his neck, her lips didn’t find the place that could make him shiver anymore. It was also the way she smelled, her scent didn’t bring him relief when he hugged her.  
Then he realized how much he disliked it when she left a mess behind when she came home. Or the way she would repeat her anecdotes when she forgot she already told them in the first place. Her laugh had lost its endearing tone, and now he could only hear how loud and frenetic it was.  
It was her perfume, her clothes, her smile, the way she said "I love you,"  the way she would embrace him, the things she liked, the way her leg would bounce when she was nervous, her eyes.  
Her eyes weren’t the ones he would dream about.  
Every night those damned eyes would visit him. And every night, even if it was for just a few seconds, he would lose himself in them. He had seen them so many times that now his sketchbook was filled with them. He thought it would help him get rid of the image from his mind.  
Almost three months had passed since he last saw them outside of his dreams. He had to give it to you. You were effective when you wanted to avoid someone. The meetings you had weren’t that frequent in the first place, but, as you had made it your life goal to never be alone with him in the same place, your only meetings were when Sam and Bucky were around. You had stated that this was a more efficient way. Steve wasn’t fond of efficiency ever since.  
Even in the rare occasions he could see you, it wasn’t the same. He could only see snippets of the person you used to be, each time less and less as you forgot what you had once felt for him. 
But Steve missed more than just your eyes. He missed the way you made him laugh, your sense of humor always had him gasping for air, his stomach hurting as he held it with his hand. He also missed how good of a listener you were. Even as you kept quiet, you had a way to let him know you paid attention to every word he said.  
In all honesty, you were the first one he went to whenever everything else in the world seemed too much. He initially assumed it was because he needed to feel your love, his selfishness overpowering his rational mind. Except that the more he returned, the more he realized it was you he craved. 
For almost two years, he had you.  
And for almost two years he could’ve been happy, if he had allowed himself to. 
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Anger.  
Steve could only feel anger as time passed after that night. The irrational part of him had taken over as a deep sense of despair settled into his daily life. Those unknown feelings you caused plagued his soul, he couldn’t escape them anymore. He couldn’t pretend they didn’t exist, the more he tried, the deeper the hurt.  
His own relationship was crumbling apart. There were days they couldn’t stay in the same room, unable to bear each other’s presence. There were nights he couldn’t bear to have her in her arms as they lay down, her touch felt so foreign. Sometimes he couldn’t even text her back. Being with her didn’t feel like a choice anymore, it felt like duty.  
At first Steve had thought it was him the one that caused all the problems, his new found obsession with you taking over his thoughts. His mind and heart didn’t belong to him, they didn’t even belong to her anymore.  
They were yours. They had always been yours.  
But it wasn’t only himself the one that had changed. He saw it in her too, even when they first got back together. Her smile wasn't as genuine as she pretended, and her touch wasn't as loving as she intended. She had tried, though. He could see how much she tried to hold onto who they once were, even going so far as to recreate one of their memories of the past.  
The memories were good, but the present couldn’t live up to them.  
So, like any couple who refuses to admit their own shortcomings, they attempted to fix everything with sex. 
That’s how they got to where they were tonight. The bed in her apartment creaked as he kept pounding into her. He had a firm grip on her hips, possibly enough to bruise her skin, but neither of them cared at this point. They wanted to forget, no matter the cost.  
Her whines filled the room. The noises he had heard many times before accentuated his movements, they let him read her easily enough to know that he was doing a good job.  
Except that the more Steve kept hearing them, the deeper the hole in his chest grew. He couldn’t feel anything but anger. He closed his eyes, and all he could see was Bucky’s hands around your waist. He noticed your smile, the way you caressed his hand when you thought no one was looking. 
He saw the way you cared about him, the tenderness in your touch and your words as you chatted in the corner of the room. He saw everything.  
Tears prickled his eyes. His pace was increasing not only in rhythm but also in strength. This was the only way he could forget, and not even now was he able to shut you out. But he was tired. He wasn’t sure he could hold on much longer.  
Why couldn’t he stop feeling?  
Then it all came crashing down. His eyes closed, and he decided to embrace his thoughts.  
"Steve," she moaned.   
"Steve! Someone’s going to see us," you laughed. His hands groped your ass as he lifted your legs to his waist.  
"Let them see. I want them to know you’re mine."  
"Don’t stop, baby."  
"You think we could ever just leave everything behind and go somewhere?" you asked. Your eyes were fixed on the window of your apartment. Small droplets of water crashed against the crystal.  
His hands found yours, his head found its place on your shoulder.  
"Any time you ask, I’ll drop everything to go with you."  
"I’m so close."  
"I need more." Your voice trembled. Your hands shook as you poured out your heart to him. Your left hand clung to his. "I can’t keep going like this. I can’t keep pretending we’re just friends"  
His words died at his throat. He knew this day would come, he had expected it since that first night. He had rehearsed what he would say, how he would let you know he just wanted a casual relationship. No feelings attached.  
He wasn’t prepared for the sad look in your eyes, though. Or how broken they looked once he gave you an answer,  
"I’m sorry. I can’t."  
"Keep going. Please."  
"No, please!" he pleaded. His mind was racing as he tried to stop you from hanging up. "Please don’t leave. Your coworkers told me you’re going with Bucky to his press tour today, but I want to see you. I need to see you."  
He couldn’t let you go, not like that. Because he knew that once you embarked on the tour, there was no turning back. Your departure meant things would change, he would completely lose you. He wanted to explain. He needed to make you understand. He never meant to hurt you as much as he did, but he did it anyway.  
"Stay, please."  
You had to stay, because no matter how hard he tried to keep you at arm's length, you still meant a lot to him. For the past two years, you have made him as happy as he could be. Your selfless way of loving had made its home in the place where his heart had been. He wasn’t ready to let that part go.  
You had to stay because you loved him. And if life had taught him anything, it was that no matter what happens, you fight. You keep fighting for the ones that mattered and the ones you loved. He wanted you to fight for him.  
"No"  
His eyes snapped open.  
Her moans made him look down. He could feel her orgasm gripping on his cock, himself close enough to his. But once again, his mind played tricks, and the blond hair and blue eyes that belonged to the woman he had once loved were gone. He saw yours.  
It hurt. His heart was in pain. The crushing reality of his feelings left him breathless. He was ready to accept them. He was ready to open Pandora's box.  
"I love you," he whispered.   
Your eyes looked back at him, and he saw them as they were in his dreams. They were loving him back.  
His head lowered to your ear. "I love you. God, I fucking love you."  
He couldn’t stop saying it. As soon as those three words left his mouth, he felt like he could breathe again. The burden he had been carrying for so long was finally lifted from his shoulders. 
"I love you."  
"I’ll never let you go, not again." 
"I’m sorry. I love you."  
"I love you."  
"I love you."  
"I have always loved you."  
Then, your voice filled his ears and his heart.  
"I love you too."  
He came inside you. Your arms engulfed him in a hug, your legs rested on his hips as he tried to control his own breathing. His nose nuzzled your neck, and the warmth from your body felt like home.   
Steve loved you. Deeply. Passionately. Wholeheartedly.  
But once the ecstasy of the moment left his body, the hands that drew circles on his back weren’t yours anymore. She didn’t smell like you. She wasn’t you. He didn’t love her anymore. He loved you.  
He had always loved you. 
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A knock on your door surprised you. Your hands reached for your remote, pausing the movie you were watching. At first, you thought you had imagined it. It was late at night, and you weren’t expecting company. Bucky had told you he would be away for a couple of days as he had to go on a mission, and he was the only one who came to you this late at night. It was probably someone knocking on the neighbors' door, or the wind knocking over something.  
But another knock on the door made you jump. Your heart rose to your throat. Who the hell was that? Their knocks were desperate, whoever was knocking surely had an emergency.  
"I’m going! I’m going! Stop knocking on the fucking door." You yelled while putting your shoes on.   
The constant sound of the knuckles hitting the door was getting on your nerves. With a strong pull, you finally opened the door, ready to yell at whoever was so inappropriately coming to your house so late at night.  
"Hey."  
It was Steve.  
You froze for a second. Of all the people you imagined could be waiting behind the door, he was never an option that crossed your mind. Those blue eyes that you had once loved were staring back at you.  
Steve was there. At your door.  
Steve ‘The asshole’ Rogers.  
You snapped out of it. The grip on your door tightened before you tried to close it on his face. His hand stopped you from doing it.  
"Wait." Your body kept pushing against the door, although it probably felt like nothing to the dickhead of a super soldier that was outside your apartment. With a sigh, you let the door go, allowing it to be opened again.  
"What do you want?" Your words sounded harsher than you intended too, but you didn’t back away from them. He deserved them after all.  
"I— Can we talk?"  
You should’ve closed the door in his face again. You should’ve told him to go fuck himself again, just like you had done many months ago. But the anger that consumed you back then was mitigated. You weren’t even sure if you were angry at all, but the defense mechanisms you had clung to were still telling you to run away. They were telling you he was only there to cause you pain. 
But the man who had broken your heart wasn’t the same as the one who was standing in front of you. This Steve was tired, he looked like he hadn’t slept in a couple of days. The small wrinkles around his eyes deepened too. And for some reason, he reminded you of how you looked eight months ago, the morning after the gala.  
He had his heart broken.  
Perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to hear him.  
The evil, vindictive side of you was curious about what had brought him to you in this state. Who had hurt him so badly that he had come with such urgency to your door in the middle of the night? But another part, the mature and healing part of you knew this conversation was due. You didn’t have to do this for him, but for yourself. There were still so many things left unsaid from your side, and, as Bucky had said, sometimes you need to get those things out to fully heal.  
"Fine." you grunted.  
Both of you were standing in your kitchen. The contrast of things were between you a year ago and how they were now almost made you laugh. A year ago you didn’t think anyone would make you as happy as Steve. Now, you didn’t think anyone could hurt you as much as him.  
"How have you been?"  
You chuckled at his superficial question. Of course he would try to start with small talk instead of going straight to the point.  
"Good." You took a sip of your water. "You?"  
He shrugged. "As good as I can be"  
"Why are you here, Steve?"  
Your question took him by surprise. His gaze was fixed on the floor, his hands fiddling with the bracelet he was wearing. After taking a deep breath, he cleared his throat and looked you in the eyes.His nervousness made you nervous, forming knots in your stomach. His silence was making you spiral.  
He apologized, as you knew he had been waiting for a long time.  
"I’m sorry for hurting you. I wish I could go back in time and erase all of this. You didn’t deserve any of it."  
"You were the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I’m sorry I was too stuck in the past to see it."  
" I know you hate me, but you can’t hate me more than I hate myself for hurting you."  
Hearing his words made you feel something. You didn’t want to admit it, but it felt good. You knew all of this, as you had made peace with yourself and decided that the only thing you were guilty of was staying. But deep down, hearing them was the last thing you needed to let go.  
His words brought peace.  
Until he opened his mouth again.  
"I fell in love with you, I don’t know when or how, but one day I woke up and realized that I already loved you."  
"I’ve loved you since the very beginning. I close my eyes and the only thing I can think about is you, the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you make me feel."  
"I broke up with her. I couldn’t stay with her, not when it was you in my heart."  
"I love you"  
He said them. The words you had begged him to say for two years were finally directed at you. You expected to be overjoyed, even ecstatic, when this day arrived. You would finally be happy.  
Who would’ve thought that words of love would bring so much pain?  
His love wasn’t what you expected. You thought it would be comforting, warm, and welcoming. Instead, it burned you. It suffocated you. It drowned you, each time a little more, as he kept repeating his feelings for you.  
Steve didn’t know how to love, he only knew how to cause pain.  
"And what the fuck do you want me to do about it?"  
Steve flinched. "I don’t—"  
"You broke my heart. I loved you with everything I had, I gave you everything and more, and even then it wasn’t enough," you said, wiping away the tears that ran down your face. You didn't even realize you were crying. "You used me as a sort of emotional replacement while you were still in love with her. You fucked her minutes after you kissed me in front of everyone. And you said those awful things too." You couldn’t stop your words, the words that were never said. "Then you have the balls to call me nonstop, text me, send gifts, and even beg me to stay the day I left with Bucky while you were already back with her. And now, months later, you tell me you’ve loved me all along and broke up with your girlfriend? What kind of bullshit is that?"  
You couldn’t stay there. Your kitchen now seemed to shrink as you felt the walls closing around you. This was too much. He was too much. You pushed past him, the main door calling your name as a lifesaver. "Leave, leave, leave," your brain kept repeating. This time, you listened to it.  
A big hand stopped your escape.  
"Don’t touch me." you hissed at him. The sadness in his eyes deepened with your words, but your sympathy for him was long gone. Now he was the victim?. ""God, do you know how bad you fucked me up?" You pushed him with all your strength. You wanted to slap him, you wanted him to feel how deeply he had reached your mind. How were you never going to really be able to get rid of him.  
"I can’t even think of starting something new with someone else because all I can think of is what if?  
What if one day he wakes up and realizes he doesn’t really love me, that he loves someone else?  
What if he breaks my heart the same way you did it?   
What if he doesn’t love me the same way I do? 
And it’s all your fault."  
The echo of your words was all that was left after your speech. You hated how easily he could make you lose control of your emotions, how easy it was for him to cut deep into you. You had forgotten the rollercoaster of emotions that meant having Steve in your life, and now that you were back in it you could say you didn’t miss it.  
"It’s Bucky, isn’t it?"  
Your head snapped back at him.  
"What?"  
"Your what if. It's him, isn’t it?"  
She recognized the sound of heartbreak when she heard it. His voice was filled with it.  
"Yes."  
He took a step back as if you had slapped him. You could see all the signs, going from denial to painful acceptance. You wondered if he felt the same way you had felt when you saw them together. Given, you weren't fucking Bucky right in front of him, but in theory, everything was the same.He loved you, but you loved someone else.  
"I’ll never get you back, will I?"  
You wanted to chuckle, he still had hope. But for both your sakes, you had to extinguish that ray of hope. Honesty was all it took to kill it.  
"I don’t think I could be with you without hating myself a little bit for it."  
It took a couple of minutes for both of you to compose yourselves. Your apartment had seen a war where two hearts had been broken again and again, yet everything seemed to be in place. Steve cleared his throat, motioning towards the door.  
"I think it’s better if I go now." You opened the door, stepping aside to let him walk out of your place. "I’ll see you around."  
You were ready to close the door when Steve's voice called for you.  
"You think we could ever be friends again?"  
You gave him a sad smile. "We weren’t really friends to begin with."  
This time, you closed the door without looking back. Your chest still hurt, and your eyes felt sore from all the crying. But amongst all the sadness that the memories brought back, you smiled.  
You were finally free. 
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"Hey"  
Bucky’s eyes lift up from the report he’s writing. His heart stammered in his chest before he could speak. You are standing at the office door in a black sweatshirt and pants. There were a couple of droplets of sweat running down the side of your face, and your breathing is irregular.  
His first thought was that something bad had happened. He had just gotten back no longer than half an hour ago, he had texted you about his arrival, and your lack of response made him think you were busy. Something had to be wrong for you to run all the way here.  
But the shy smile on your face and the excitement that radiates from you change his mind.  
"Hey," he mutters, his mind not being able to come up with something more playful or flirtatious as he usually did.  
There’s something different about you, though. There’s something new in the way you look at him and in the way you stand. For so many months, he had to see you bear this weight, this darkness that seemed to suffocate your soul. He had been able to pull away the darkness a couple of times, but as you stand right in front of him, you look as if it was never a part of you.  
Bucky notices how it takes you a second to say something, they way your hands grip on the frame of the door and he could hear your heart fighting to break free from your chest.  
"Is that dinner date still on the table?"  
His heart stops.  
"I—Yeah, it is."  
You smile at him beautifully. Bucky thinks that he has never seen anything more mesmerizing than your smile.  
"Good. Pick me up at seven." 
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If you like the story please interact: reblogs, likes and comments go a long way. Feedback is always appreciated!
A/N: It's finally here! I hope you guys enjoy it and sorry it took longer than I thought it would.
Requests are OPEN
Tag list: @captainson-of-coul @imyourbratzdoll @kneelforloki
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teddyeyeseddie · 7 months
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To Hell I Go
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If She Wants A Cowboy
✰ bull rider Steve x reader
masterlist
✰ cw: broken bones, an er visit, steve in a sling, an eddie debut, first kisses, straddling steve in a creek, smut, minors dni, oral (m rec), boot riding
✰ a/n: this series has been flopping but I am so in love with dandy and our boy that im gonna keep writing it bc they deserve to have their story told, thank you @lofaewrites for betaing :,)
now playing: If She Wants a Cowboy
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Steve is rushed right back when he gets to the ER, grumbling an “I’m fine” when he sees the amount of sick kids in the waiting room. Despite his efforts to wait in the lobby, it only takes 30 minutes and he is sitting in a room awaiting his results.
Steve tears up at the news, knowing what this meant for his career. It came to an abrupt stop, throwing Steve forward into a mess of emotions. They did x rays to find that his shoulder was, in fact, broken. His coach eventually leaves, only able to offer so much reassurance and solace. 
He sits cooped up in the ER for what felt like hours, left alone to his devices, those emotions from earlier bubbling and breaching the surface now that he was alone. His dad was right, just like he always is. The job chewed him up and spit him out. Usually, a broken shoulder meant the gig was up, not many riders can recover from a serious injury like that. 
He wills away his spiraling, putting his head back in order to rest. When he’s about to fall asleep, a soft knock resonates through the room. 
“Hey cowboy,” the voice is like music in Steve’s ears, the sound flowing into the air and causing goosebumps to rise on his skin. 
“Dandy, they let you in here at this hour?” he questions, a small smirk on his face as he adjusts himself in bed, wincing when he disturbs his shoulder. 
“Jus’ had to tell them I was your wife,” she replies sheepishly, wincing slightly.
“I did give ya a ring, didn’t I darlin’?” he cracks a wide smile.
You settle yourself into a chair next to the bed, digging in your purse to find the small paper ring Steve had made you days prior. You slip it on your finger once you find it, flashing it at Steve causing him to let out a full-bellied laugh. 
“You kept it?” 
You offer a small nod, reaching your hand out to hold Steve’s free hand. The other slung up as the two of you waited to hear what the next steps are in Steve’s recovery. 
“What’s the verdict here?” you question softly, rubbing your thumb over Steve's calloused hand. 
“Shoulder’s broken. S’ a clean break but fuck if I know what that means,” he groans, throwing his head back as tears form in his eyes. 
“Shit Dandy- I’m sorry, don’t mean to turn into a mess while you’re here. It’s just this could be the end of the line for me,” he pulls his hand away from yours in order to wipe his eyes. 
He settles his hand back in yours, squeezing it as he stares forward at the wall in front of him. 
He didn’t ask you to come and the fact you did makes Steve’s heart flutter inside his chest. You came on your own, and that is more than Steve could ever wish for. 
“I’ll be right here with you, Steve,” you break the silence and lean up to kiss his cheek, the first time you had displayed any sort of affection aside from holding hands. 
He leans into your touch, relaxing and letting himself be loved on. 
The doctors come in moments later, setting his arm and immobilizing it with a fancy looking sling. 
Six weeks.
Six weeks of being rendered useless, Steve groans into the night air once he’s been released at the odd hour of 5 in the morning. Hand in yours as you guide him to your car, helping him get settled into the passenger seat. 
“I guess in the grand scheme of things, I’m lucky,” he says once you get situated. His head is leaned back, exposing the column of his neck as he turns to look at you. 
“How so?”
“A whole summer of being doted on by you? 
“Who said I was gonna dote on you?”
“Mmm I just gotta hunch, Dandelion,” 
Steve isn’t wrong, you are there every day you're off work, going on walks with him or helping his mother cook dinner. 
It’s been about 2 weeks of helping take care of Steve when you pull into his driveway at the early hour of 8am. You softly knock on the door, smiling when you hear a quiet, “come in” from the other side of the door. 
You and his mother, Donna you had come to learn, had become well acquainted, spending the evenings cooking dinner together giving you time to converse regularly. You got all the stories of Steve when he was younger, your favorite being the time he peed off the side of the pool when he was potty training. 
“Is he awake?” you question, setting the groceries Donna had requested you bring the night prior.
“He’s not, had a rough night last night. He said not to let him sleep in if you’re here though,” she says with a sly smirk on her face, like she knows something you don’t know. 
You ignore her look, not wanting to read much into it, trudging upstairs to wake Steve up. 
You smile when you see him, he’s propped up by some pillows, something his mom helps him do every night so he is more comfortable. 
You sit on the edge of his bed, extending your arm to caress his cheek. He stirs a little bit, waking with a small jolt when you begin to run your thumb across the expanse of his jaw. 
“Good morning, Dandelion,” he smiles, his voice thick with sleep, the groggy melody making your cheeks flush. 
“Good morning, Steve,” 
He sits up at the waist, using his free arm to push him up on the bed. He’s right beside you, free hand coming to rest on your thigh. His lips press a soft kiss to your temple.
“Didn’t think you’d be here this early, sorry I wasn’t up,” he mumbles, resting his chin on your shoulder. 
“S’ okay honey, liked getting to wake you up,”
You get up, turning back towards the bed to help him stand. His pajamas are slung low on his hips, soft hair traveling up his belly and to his navel. He looks peaceful like this, freshly woken up, sleep in his eyes and bed head- it makes your heart warm. 
He stretches once he’s standing, averting your eyes as his already impossibly low pants stoop even lower. 
“You gonna shower?” you question, picking at the comforter on Steve’s bed. 
He shakes his head, turning towards his closet and pulling out a pair of wranglers and a t-shirt. 
He turns away before dropping his pajama pants, your cheeks flushing at the sight of Steve in just his boxers. 
He grabs the clothes he laid out on the bed, shimmying his pants up his legs, frowning as he gets to the button. 
“C’mere,” You mumble, buttoning his wranglers, knuckles bumping into his soft belly. 
He smiles down at you, brushing a hair out of our face. 
“Gonna help me with the top now, dandy?” 
You nod, grabbing his top and sliding it up his hurt side, carefully threading his arm through  while it is still bent. He chuckles as he pokes his head through the top, easily pulling his other arm through. 
You wait on his bed after you get his sling back on his arm, Steve having perfected his one-handed bathroom routine. 
He peaks out of the bathroom once he is ready, padding across the room to grab his hat. 
“Ya ready?” 
You nod, following him downstairs. 
When you reach the living room, you’re surprised to see Charlotte and Eddie sitting on the couch. 
“Mudslinger! How ya been?” Eddie gets up, pulling Steve into a hug, Lottie shooting him daggers as he does so. 
“Careful with the man, Eds. He’s fragile,” Charlotte scolds, pulling Eddie away when he starts to get too rough. 
Eddie listens to the woman, settling in beside her with a protective hand on her thigh. 
“Wanted to come visit ya, see if there was anything you needed before I head down to the barn to get some lessons started,” 
The two of the men fall into easy conversation but you and Charlotte find yourselves stowed away in the kitchen, chatting about anything and everything. 
“So- You and Steve, huh? He’s never brought a girl around,” she says as she stirs her tea. 
“Yeah- He uh saved me from Billy Hargrove,” you take a sip from your mug, glancing into the living room to check on Steve. 
“Oof- Eddie used to work on Billy’s ranch breaking horses. Never got paid enough for the work he did, here though? He’s taken care of, Donna makes sure he is anyways,” 
You had learned that a lot of the ranch bonuses and raises used to come from Donna pestering Richard until he caved, that was until Steve came around and gave everyone their well deserved performance based raises.
“Steve’s running it right finally, taught his Daddy more things than he’s taught Steve probably, I can’t wait to see what happens when he finally takes over, maybe he will settle down now that he’s broke himself,” Charlotte rattles off, your stomach lurching at her words, remembering why you’re here.
Steve hurt himself. If he hadn’t been rendered useless in terms of bull riding he’d be off riding in other competitions and eventually nationals. He was kept at home by a broken shoulder, not by you. 
You shake the thoughts away, Steve would have wanted you wherever he was, you had to convince yourself. 
You and Charlotte continue conversing, finally steering the conversation away from you and Steve. 
“Dandy-” You hear Steve shout from the living room, you set down our mug and straighten out your skirt before making your way to him. 
“Whatcha need cowboy,” you question, smiling when you round the corner to see him standing, cowboy hat situated on his head. 
“Come to the creek with me?” he questions, smiling softly as he holds out his hand. 
You turn back towards Charlotte, who is now left alone now that Eddie has gone to the barn to start lessons for the day. She nods her head, shooing the two of you away and out into the summer sun. 
Steve laces your fingers with his, boots crunching on gravel as he makes his way to the stables.
“Wish we could take sonny today,” Steve says, frowning slightly when you pass them. You distract him with a kiss to the cheek, bumping into his hat causing him to let out a chuckle. 
“Tryna kiss me stupid here, honey?” he asks as he continues walking, dipping into some trees at the edge of the property.
“Just tryna kiss ya, cowboy,” he smiles back at you as he leads you through the trees, finally stopping and letting you settle in next to him once you reach the creek. 
You release his hand, kicking off your shoes in order to step in the creek, turning to Steve who is still on the bank.
“Comin’ in?” you grin, looking up at him. He scratches at the scruff that is forming on his chin, contemplating kicking off his boots and joining you.
“I dunno, Dandy,” 
“C’mon, don’t make me enjoy this all alone,”
With that, he toes off his boots as you step forward in the water in order to roll up his jeans for him. You hold your hand out, Steve taking it and stepping into the water with you. The two of you wade in the shallow creek, your back to Steve when you feel a splash of water hit the bend of your knees. 
You whip around, scowling at Steve who has a wide grin on his face. You bend over, skimming your hand in the water in order to splash him back. Steve walks backwards, tripping over his feet, sending him tumbling, falling on his ass. 
You rush to him, dropping to your knees in the shallow water next to him.
“Are you okay?” you question, looking him over as if you’ll see any physical damage. 
He simply smiles at you, on your knees-so close to his lap. He wishes he could pull you onto him and kiss you breathless.
That’s when he realizes there’s nothing stopping him.
He hooks his arm around your waist, pulling you towards him. He mumbles a soft, “C’mere,” as he motions with his head for you to get on.
You swing your leg over his lap, heartbeat high in your throat as you look down at him. It’s a little awkward, his sling taking up much of the room between the two of you, but it doesn’t matter.
Steve’s eyes travel to your lips, a smile forming on them as your hand raises to pet the hairs adorning the nape of Steve’s neck.
“I think you’re the one that’s trying to kiss me stupid,” you breathe.
“Just tryna kiss ya,” 
With that, he leans in, capturing your lips in a firm kiss. It’s slow–calculated, each movement well thought out as he guides you. You eventually crack a smile while kissing him, teeth knocking together as Steve begins to smile too. You finally pull away when it’s time to catch your breath. 
“Why’d you wait so long, cowboy?” you ask, hand still petting at his hair. 
“Kinda thought you deserved more, Dandy,” he breaths out, thumb rubbing at your hip as his eyes flash back towards your lips. 
“Well- why don’t you let me worry about that, mudslinger” you lean back down, kissing him sweetly before pulling away and getting off his lap. He looks up at you in a daze, lips pink and full as he cracks a smile. 
You help him up and out of the creek, using your now half soaked cardigan to dry your legs off before slipping back into your shoes. Steve gets along fine with getting his boots back on, but you can't help but giggle when you turn to see his jeans still rolled up. You bend down to fix them, Steve mumbling a soft thank you. 
You walk hand in hand back to the house, offering Eddie a small wave when you pass by the stables.
You’re both still sopping wet when you make it to the front porch, Steve groaning when he’s intercepted by Donna at the door. 
“I know you are not about to come in here with those sopping wet jeans on,” She scolds the two of you. 
Steve playfully rolls his eyes, nudging past her and making his way inside. 
“I’ll clean it Mama,” she playfully smacks his good shoulder before retreating back to the kitchen to continue cooking lunch for the Saturday workers. 
Steve opens the door to his room, closing the door after you. 
“Skirt’s pretty soaked, do you want some shorts and a new shirt?” he questions, turning towards his closet to grab himself a change of clothes. You squeak out a small “yes” as you kick off your shoes. He hands you a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, turning back towards the closet. 
In a surge of courage and confidence, your hands find the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head while Steve’s back is to you. 
When Steve turns around, he feels like he’s been punched in the gut. His lungs are void of air as his eyes rake over your frame, drinking you in. He swears he sees stars when your fingers dip into the waistband of your skirt, dropping it to the floor with a wet thud. 
You stalk towards him, fingers hooking in his belt loops as you guide him to the chair sitting in the corner of his room. 
“Dandelion- sweetheart what are you doing?” Steve asks as you drop to your knees in front of him, eyeing him sweetly. 
“Just let me take care of you, Cowboy,” you push him back by his hip, satisfied once you force him to sit in the chair. 
Fingers come to unbutton his damp wranglers, cock already straining against the rough fabric. You pop the button, slowly unzipping his pants, tapping his thighs so he will lift his hips. 
He’s looking at you with glassy eyes, pupils blown wide as he watches your hand sneak into his boxers and pull out his hard member. 
“Fuck, darlin you don’t have to do this,” his hand reaches down to caress the your flushed cheek. 
“Want to,” your hand strokes him, the drag causing Steve to throw his head back, loud groans leaving his lips as he indulges in the feeling of you taking care of him. 
You suck the head of his cock, tongue swirling around the tip. Steve’s hand comes to thread through your hair, grabbing a fistful and pulling just hard enough to get you off of him. 
“You wanna feel good too?” Steve questions, free hand coming to stroke himself. You nod your head, pleading eyes meeting Steve’s. 
“Ride me then,”
“S-steve your shoulder,” He laughs, the hand that was stroking his cock now caressing your face. His boot begins tapping on the floor beneath you. 
Tap-Tap-Tap
You look up at him through hooded eyes, biting your lip as you lower yourself onto his boot. You let out a soft mewl when the rough leather catches on your clothed clit. You begin to rock back and forth, riding his boot as you take him back into your mouth. 
You take him to the back of your throat, nose bumping into the soft pudge of his tummy, being tickled by the pubic hair that adorns the area. 
He groans, the deep growl echoing off the walls causing you to pull back and shush him. Steve chuckles as he guides his cock back towards your lips, you greedily sucking him in. 
Your hands come to rest on his hairy thighs, your own shaking from the impending orgasm, the coil in your tummy tightening as you use his boot to get off. 
“Jesus, Honey. I’m gonna come if you keep takin’ me so deep like that,” he moans as you release his member with a soft pop, a giddy smile on your face as you look up at him. 
“Kinda the point, Honey,” you begin to stroke him, hand slippery with your spit and his precum.  
“Gonna come,” he grits out, your mouth enveloping him as his hips stutter and his cock twitches in your mouth, hot cum running down your throat. 
You pull off him once he winces at the overstimulation. Your hips are still moving, your sopping cunt still dragging across the ridges of Steve’s boots. 
“You close honey?” Steve asks, a little hint of pity lacing his tone. You whine when he begins to mock you.
Three more thrusts of your hips and you’re coming undone, panties now soaked with your release and seeping onto his cowboy boot. You slump forward when you’ve finished riding out your high, face resting on his thigh mere inches from his now softening cock. His hand pets your hair, letting you rest there for a while before breaking the silence.
“These pants are still wet darlin, need to change,” he taps your cheek, causing you to rise from the spot in his lap and pull yourself off of his boot. You wince when you disconnect from him, blushing when you see the wet spot you left on the leather. Steve however, props his foot up on the ottoman that you were just wedged between and admires the slick spot on his boot-proud of what you’d done to him.
“Might keep it there,” You whine at his words, embarrassed you’d just come undone so easily for him.
“Hey- don’t pout,” he says as he gets up, a soft grunt leaving his lips as he does so. Tall frame towering over yours, his hand coming to brush your unkempt hair out of your face. 
He presses a soft kiss to your forehead, pushing down his pants and stepping out of them. He digs around for a pair of boxers before turning and offering you a pair. 
“Figured you’d soaked your-uh,”
“Panties?”
“You just had me ride your boot, now you’re shy about my wet panties?” you question, a small smirk forming on your lips as you take the pair of boxers from him. 
Now he turns bright red, cheeks flushing at the mere talk of your underwear. 
“I’m a gentleman, Dandy,” you roll your eyes, mumbling a soft, “not in the sheets” as you walk by him. 
“Come on mudslinger, let's get dressed. I’ll make us some lunch once we get downstairs,” 
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crappymixtape · 1 year
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this is how it ends
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You went with everyone to kill Vecna, into the Upside Down, and you knew the risks, but none of you thought it would go this far – will you get to tell Steve how you really feel before it's too late? | (  2.8k, LOTS of angst, trauma, mentions of blood and violence, fluff, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )
T H I S I S H O W I T E N D S 🎶 prospekt’s march, coldplay
Everyone dies.
You know that. We all know that. But you didn’t think it’d be like this. Didn’t think it would happen so soon. There was still so much to do, but then again maybe you’d done enough.
You’d done what you were supposed to at the Creel house, had lit Vecna’s ass on fire. Nancy dealing him the final blow with her sawed off shot gun, but when you’d all gone down to see, he wasn’t there. The only sign left was a burnt and smoking outline in the lawn and then the ticking had started.
One. Two. Three. Four.
Four chimes. Four deaths.
And then the ground had opened up, torn and ripped and swallowing everything into the burning, hungry, vine-thick gashes.
Not dead.
“We gotta get outta here! Get back to Eddie’s!”
Steve grabbed your hand and pulled you out the front door as soon as the shaking had stopped, racing after Nancy and Robin as they took the stairs by twos. You could hear the howling and baying of dark creatures in the distance as you ran through the Upside Down, lungs sucking in the air that was still thick with ash, suffocating, and all you wanted was out.
When Eddie’s trailer came into view you felt relief starting to wash over you.
Please let us get out.
You don’t know how your legs were still carrying you, but you pushed them even harder.
Please let us get out.
Nancy and Robin got to the door first, fighting against all the wire and mesh to try and get inside. “It’s us, Jesus! Open up!” Robin fisted the fence in her hands and shook it hard.
Afraid of what was trying to get through Dustin and Eddie didn’t open the door right away, but after hearing Robin’s voice they fumbled with the locks and makeshift enclosures finally yanking it open. You could hear them yelling as you and Steve sprinted after them across the road into Eddie’s yard.
“Dustin, Eddie, go! Go!”
“What happened??”
“I dunno, he’s gotta be hurt or something, we lit his ass on fire, but he’s not dead. We gotta get outta here.”
“Max.”
“I know, I know. C’mon, Steve!” Robin practically pleaded out the door at the two of you as you ran up on the trailer.
“Christ, we’re coming! C’mon, babe, you next,” Steve scrambled up the steps and moved to take your hand, but when he turned around you weren’t where you should’ve been at his side. Brows knitting together in confusion, his chest tightened with panic, and then he looked up.
You don’t know how or why it’d happened, but it did. You had been so close. Eddie’s trailer was right there. The gate was right there. All you had to do was crawl through it, but instead you were still out in the ash. Out in the thick, suffocating air with a demobat wrapping its tail around your throat and squeezing so tightly little pinpoints of light pressed against your vision.
You saw the look of horror on Steve’s face as he realized what was happening and the scream that came from him was enough to bring tears to your eyes. Were you going to die? Because that’s how Steve was acting and you weren’t ready to die, you weren’t ready to go. There were things left unsaid and the regret gnawing at the pit of your stomach felt like it was going to swallow you whole.
Steve!
You thought you were yelling, but nothing was coming out. Only strangled words dying in your throat as the demobat squeezed impossibly tighter. It flapped its wings and pulled so hard you felt your feet lift from the ground before everything tipped sideways and you slammed into the rough ground. You were dizzy with the lack of air as you fought against the panic that was now spreading like a fire within you. Fingers scrambling, your hands tried to pull at the bat, nails scraping against the desiccated creature’s skin, but it was useless. It was too tight. Too strong.
Everyone dies.
A soft, dark shroud started to close in at the edges of your vision, wrapping you tightly in its warmth and you felt yourself slowing. Suffocating. Your arms and legs moving like you were stuck in molasses and it felt like eons since you’d taken in a breath. You would’ve killed for one right now, even one filled with ash, but it didn’t come. Blinking slow you watched as forks of red lightning cracked the sky in two above you.
Please let us get out.
But as the demobat tail constricted around your neck again you started to accept the fact that maybe you wouldn’t. Tears streamed down your cheeks. Washing away the soot and dirt and mud that had gathered there. You wondered at the warm feeling spreading through you and the power it had to take away the pain that had been screaming at your neck.
Your eyes were getting heavy, but you didn’t want to close them, not yet. Where was Steve? Even if you weren’t going to make it, please, all you wanted was to hold his hand. See his face. The deep brown of his eyes, long dark lashes as they swept across his cheeks, the secret little constellations of freckles and moles that dotted the line of his jaw and down his neck and shoulders. Your Steve.
I love you, you thought and you wished you could’ve told him, but it was getting harder to keep your eyes open and when they finally closed you didn’t think you would open them again.
“God dammit, die! Fucking die!”
Steve was a mess as he sprinted back across the lawn and into the fray of demobats. He would’ve gotten to you sooner, but the swarm was thick and with Dustin on the other side there were only four of them able to fight now. Swinging his heavy axe through the air he was a blur, cutting down the dark creatures like it was nothing, the thought of losing you pushing him to keep going.
Robin, Nancy and Eddie didn’t hesitate to follow after in a frenzy, helping to keep them off of Steve. Off of you as you squirmed on the ground, but there were a lot and it was taking too long.
“Steve, there’s too many of them!” Nancy yelled, tears welling up in her eyes, but Steve refused to hear what she was trying to tell them.
“I can do it!” he yelled back, cutting through four more in one swing as he saw your eyes flutter closed. “No! Don’t go, not yet, please not yet!”
“Shit, shit, shit. Robin! Nancy!” Eddie followed close behind, trying to give Steve coverage as he reached you. “He’s got it, he’s got it!”
With a guttural sound, almost animalistic, Steve cut down the demobat that was cinched tight around your neck, cleaving it in half, and as its tail went limp he scooped you up into his arms.
“Sweetheart? Baby. Please, baby,” he was begging you, pleading you to stay with him, but you weren’t breathing and he felt tears coming on. “C’mon, stay with me, stay with me,” he sobbed, putting you back on the ground, lifeguard instincts flinging themselves forward as he started CPR.
One, two, three. Breathe.
One, two, three. Breathe.
“Babe, please,” his tears were falling onto your cheeks, your lashes, your nose as he continued compressions, gave you the very life from his lungs.
“Steve, we have to get out of here!” Nancy shot off the last of her shells and threw a look at Robin and Eddie.
Everyone dies.
“Stevie boy, I don’t know how much longer we’re gonna last!” Eddie called out to him, not even trying to cover the desperation in his voice, but he didn’t have to ask again as Steve gathered you up in his arms and lifted you both off the ground.
“I got a heartbeat!” Steve wanted nothing more than to just hold you close to him, to be still for just a minute, but he had to get you out.
“Shit, okay! Let’s go. Go!” Eddie turned and shoved Nancy and Robin back toward the trailer as the bats twisted in a cyclone, preparing their final assault, but somehow it never came.
Whether higher power or miracle, as Robin says, you all made it back through the gate to the other side, but when you all landed it wasn’t the happy reunion you’d imagined.
“We gotta to go to the hospital, Steve. We can’t fix this,” Dustin’s voice sounded far away as Steve heard him talking in the back of Eddie’s van.
“Steve?” this time it was Nancy. Putting a hand on his shoulder she squeezed and took his chin in her other hand, turning his face to look at her, “This is beyond us.”
He wanted to be strong for you, wanted to tell you everything would be alright, but as he watched your chest rising and falling in short, stuttered breaths he knew Nancy was right. Squeezing his eyes shut tight he pulled you into him, wrapped his arms around you and told Eddie to go to the hospital.
Everything was a blur as the van pulled too fast into the ER parking lot. So many people, so many bodies.
“Get this one in right away on a vent! Lacerations on the neck and multiple wounds to the torso!” a team of first responders surrounded Steve as soon as he lifted you from the van, shoving an oxygen mask onto your face.
“Sir, we’ve got it,” one of them said, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Sir, please, we don’t have time for this!” and one of the nurses pulled you from his arms, Robin having to wrap her arms around Steve’s as he tried to grab after you.
“Wait, please! Let me go! Please let me go too!” and Steve fell apart as he watched them carry you into the hospital. There were no gurneys left. The sea of other people that had been hurt in the wake of Vecna’s assault on the earth was overwhelming.
“Steve, you did everything you could,” Robin’s voice cracked as she tried to reassure him and he collapsed into her, sobs wracking his body.
“I’m gonna go ask what room,” Eddie’s voice was thick as he tried to hold back his own cries, trying to find something to keep him going, to keep the adrenaline from leaving, but it was hard. It was too much.
Too much for all of you. The heavy weight you’d carried all this time. The deaths. The horrors. The injuries. The blood the sweat the tears the heartache. All culminated in the ground ripping open and swallowing you into the bowels of hell.
Everyone dies.
“Lucas? Oh my god–”
“Lucas! Is she–”
“Max?? Oh shit, Max!”
And that was it, no one could do it anymore, no one could hold it together. Lucas, bloodied and broken was carrying Max, just like Steve had carried you, and when Steve saw the same pleading look in the younger boy’s eyes he felt everything unravelling.
Please let us get out.
“Multiple broken bones here! Tachy as well! Get her in a room now!” a first responder snatched Max from Lucas as he fell to his knees, sobs shaking him as he buried his face in his hands.
“Max! Max don’t go! Save her, please save her!” Lucas cried out as Nancy rushed forward to envelope him in her arms and she started to cry too. And then Eddie. And Robin. And finally Steve and they all held onto each other like it was all they had left. And it was in a way. But this couldn’t be it. This couldn’t be the end. Not like this.
Beep, beep, beep.
Mechanical sounds cut through the deepest sleep you’d ever had. Was it sleep? Or had you died?
Beep, beep, beep.
Your eyelids felt so heavy and your brows knitted together as you put all your energy into opening them. It took everything you had to do it, but slowly the world swam into focus, unconscious melting away into conscious.
You felt something hooked up to your arm, felt a mask covering your nose and mouth, felt a monitor squeezing your finger. A painting of fruit on the wall. Windows covered with slatted blinds. A clipboard at your feet. The hospital.
“Steve?” came out weak, but you found your voice and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes.
Everyone dies.
But not you. Not like that.
And then a warm, steady hand pressed into yours and the painted fruit disappeared behind the sweetest thing you’d ever laid your tired eyes on. A long sweep of lashes, deep brown eyes, the soft curve of his lips, and my god that smile. Even when it was pushed beyond exhaustion, sad, and weary, it still lit your heart on fire.
“Baby? Jesus, baby you’re awake. I–I thought I’d lost you, I thought I’d lost you,” he buried his head into your side, crying softly in relief, and let your blanket soak up his tears as his hands tightly squeezed yours.
“Can’t get rid of me that easy,” you teased weakly, trying to smile, but your throat tightened with a sob of your own.
Lifting his head he pulled a hand away from yours to gently tuck your flyaways behind your ear. “Shit,” he laughed, voice wobbling as he cried, “You’re telling me.” His brows were knitted together, disbelieving of what he was seeing, fingers tracing the line of your brow, down your cheek, the soft curve of your chin. “You were really gone,” he said barely above a whisper.
Squeezing your eyes closed you felt yourself fighting a losing battle with your own emotions and tears silently fell from between your lashes.
“I tried to say it,” you confessed through your tears, “But I–”
“Oh, sweetheart. Say what?”
Lifting your arms they shook with the effort, but Steve leaned up to hold you fast, hold you steady, and you smiled despite your crying. “I love you, Steve Harrington.”
And god the look on his face then. He bit his lips in between his teeth, fighting back the sob that was pushing its way into his chest, and shook his head. He sucked in a breath and leaned down to press his forehead against yours and whispered, “I love you too.”
“You’re awake??” Dustin’s voice jolted both of your eyes open and Steve sat straight up, hastily wiping his arm across his face at his tears, and fixed the younger boy with a look.
“Christ, Henderson," his voice was crackly from crying, "It’s a hospital. People are healing.” Still Steve. Still the babysitter.
“Max is too!” Dustin didn’t listen and plowed through Steve’s protests, “Holy shit, you had us all worried. Like, really worried.”
“Wait, Max is awake?” Steve didn’t even bother to try and mask the surprise and relief in his voice.
“Yeah, well no, but yes. She’s breathing and vital signs are all perfect, but–“
“But what?” you asked, afraid of the answer.
“She’s in a coma. The doctors don’t know when—if—she’ll wake up.”
Silence gripped the three of you tightly and you felt a knot in your stomach take hold.
“She didn’t have a heartbeat for over a minute,” Dustin said quietly and you looked down at your hands, at Steve’s fingers tangled up with yours and couldn’t help the guilt blooming in your chest.
“But she’s still here, and so are you,” Steve recovered quickly, trying to reassure you, trying to find the light in the dark and you looked up to meet his eyes.
“She’s just next door when you feel up to it,” Dustin said, giving your arm a soft squeeze. “Buddy, if you need anything too let me know,” he clapped his hand to Steve’s shoulder and smiled a small toothy smile before going back out into the hallway, the door closing behind him with a soft click.
You sat in the quiet for a moment, Steve still holding your hands, and everything hit you like a ton of bricks.
Please let us get out.
“Take this thing off,” you grumbled, anger and grief and frustration overwhelming you as you untangled the oxygen mask from your ears, yanking it down over your chin.
“Babe–”
“I’m fine!” your throat tightened, tears welling up against your lashes as you pushed yourself up to sit, taking Steve’s face in your hands. “I love you. I love you, Steve Harrington and I’ll say it until your name doesn’t make sense anymore,” you choked out. And then you pulled him into you and pressed a kiss to his lips, a kiss that said a thousand I love yous, made one hundred promises to never leave again.
“I love you, too” he whispered against you and the way he caught your lips between his said a thousand I love yous, the same silent promises, I'll never leave you again.
Everyone dies.
But not today.
crappymixtape™ • steve harrington masterlist // stranger things masterlist
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tuiccim · 2 years
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Playing for Keeps
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Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader
Warnings: Post-breakup, angst with a happy ending, jealousy, manipulation, anxiety.
Word count: 2k
Summary: A party at Tony's penthouse has you facing Steve Rogers for the first time since he broke your heart and you make sure to show up with a heartthrob on your arm.
A/N: Thank you to the lovely @whisperlullabyfor beta reading for me. Dedicated to my darling friend @maladaptivexxdaydreaming who sent me the gif that set my brain going on this story.
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You take a deep breath on the elevator ride up to Tony’s penthouse and glance at your date. Handsome in his suit, Jean-Paul smiles at you and reaches to entwine your fingers together. You squeeze his hand as the doors open revealing a room full of people. You make your way around saying hello to your friends and acquaintances while sipping a glass of champagne. 
“Hey! You came,” Natasha greets you with her signature smirk. 
“Of course. Tony invited-”
“Look who it is!” Sam slides up to you with a grin. 
“Hey Sam,” you say, giving him a quick hug but feeling your stomach knot. 
“Who’s your friend?” Sam asks, eyeing Jean-Paul. 
“This is my date, Jean-Paul Beaubier. Jean-Paul, this is Natasha Romanoff and Sam Wilson.”
“Of course, you two really need no introduction,” Jean-Paul says as he shakes their hands. 
“How did you two meet?” Natasha asks with a glance at Sam.
“We-” “This-” You and Jean-Paul speak at the same time and then laugh together.
“Okay, you tell it,” you smile. 
“As I was saying, this beautiful creature wandered into my reading. I was promoting my latest novel when a vision walked in and stole my breath. I could barely get through the rest of my chapter. And then I had to take questions and sign books. I was watching her out of the corner of my eye to make sure she didn’t leave. She came up after things died down, had me sign a copy of the book, asked some wonderfully intelligent questions, and even managed to seem surprised when I asked her to go for a drink.”
“Jean-Paul!” you laugh at his exaggeration. “More like, I stammered out a barely intelligible question and almost passed out when he asked.”
“I was enchanted,” Jean-Paul smiles at you. 
“And far too kind to me,” you demure.
“That’s so… sweet,” Natasha says with a stiff smile.
“You gotta teach me some moves, man,” Sam elbows Jean-Paul with a waggle of his eyebrows. 
“Oh, Tony and Pepper are waving us over,” you say quickly, relieved to be leaving the conversation. 
Jean-Paul guides you in their direction with a hand on the small of your back. You make introductions and small talk until you can extricate yourself to wander around the party. You enjoy seeing your friends even if it does feel slightly awkward at times. A little later, you and Jean-Paul are sitting close together with his arm around your waist. His whispered observations of the party goers had you giggling uncontrollably until-
“Someone is staring at you, darling, and seems quite unhappy.”
You glance up and feel a chill as you lock eyes with Steve Rogers. His piercing blue gaze speaks volumes. Turning back to Jean-Paul, you tell him, “That’s my ex.”
“Captain America. He won’t make me disappear, will he?” Jean-Paul’s lips quirk. 
You laugh and shake your head. He kisses your neck and continues talking but your mind wanders to the supersoldier whose eyes you can still feel on you. It had been six weeks since he broke up with you. He looked different in just that short amount of time. His hair was a tad longer and less groomed.  His beard had grown in making a much gruffer looking Captain America. He had ended your seven month relationship for reasons you didn’t fully understand. His lame excuse of putting you in danger, and that he was too busy with the Avengers to give you what you deserve had sounded hollow even to you. 
The intense retrospection you had put yourself through had led you to one conclusion. The drawer. Steve stayed with you as much, if not more, than he stayed at the compound and so you had cleaned out a drawer for him, made some space in the closet, and invited him to keep some things there. Less than a week later, he took all of his things and walked out of your apartment and your life. You were devastated but had concluded that Steve simply couldn’t commit. After all, seven months in and he had never said I love you. Although, that hadn’t stopped you from berating yourself for pushing him. 
Now, your anger and guilt had subsided but your heart still hurt and you knew you had to do something. Jean-Paul was perfect. Handsome, kind, funny, and intelligent, all the things you need right now. 
“Hey…” Jean-Paul gets your attention. 
“I’m sorry. I got lost in thought for a second.”
“It’s okay, minou. Would you like another drink?”
“That sounds great but I’ll get them. Thor is over there. I know you wanted to meet him. Would you like me to introduce you?” you ask. 
“Please,” he stands and holds a hand out to you. 
After making introductions, you excuse yourself to refresh your drinks and run into Wanda at the bar. 
“How’ve you been?” you ask her. 
“I’m doing fine,” she says with a raised eyebrow. 
“Is Vision okay?” you ask, confused by her demeanor. 
“He’s wonderful. How are you?” Wanda’s intonation expresses more than her words. 
“I’m doing pretty good. Just trying to move on. Find some happiness,” you answer the unspoken question.  
“He hasn’t been the same since…”
“He broke up with me, Wanda. This was his choice,” you answer defensively. 
“I’m not blaming you. I’m just letting you know in case…”
“I won’t chase him. He made his feelings very clear. Anyway, I should get back to my date. It was nice seeing you.”
“You, too,” Wanda smiles sadly. 
You make your way back to Jean-Paul who puts a possessive arm around you. It seems every time you glance around the party you manage to catch Steve’s eyes. His gaze seemed to follow you everywhere, sometimes centered on you and other times wherever on your body Jean-Paul’s hand was on at the time. It was disconcerting but you chose to ignore him and made your way around the party while trying to enjoy yourself. 
It was as you were conversing with Natasha and Sam again that everything seemed to hit you at once. Jean-Paul’s side pressed to yours, his hand making circles on your back, the noise of the party, the feeling of Steve’s eyes on you, the weight of the glances Natasha kept making in his direction, the cold glass in your hand, the underlying meaning of all the words around you, and your anxiety skyrocketed. The overwhelmed feeling was too much for you and you excused yourself to the lady’s room. 
Sitting on the toilet, you allow yourself a couple of tears before forcing yourself to suck it up. Before, you would have been with Steve. The noise would have faded when he looked at you, not buzzed as it had tonight. All of the conversations would not have seemed rife with meaning and you wouldn’t feel constantly judged. You would have been safe and comfortable under his wing. 
Looking at yourself in the mirror, you straighten your shoulders, take a few deep breaths, and force yourself to leave the quiet sanctuary. You walk down the hall towards the living room when a door opens as you pass it and you hear your name before being pulled into the room. You stare into Steve’s eyes as he closes the door and then leans into you with his large hands spread on each side of the wall beside you. He was close enough to smell and you had to stop yourself from closing your eyes and breathing him in. Just his presence had an instant calming effect on your nerves until the intrusive memories of his words broke through. 
“Are you okay?” he asks softly. 
You look at him as several emotions run through you. Finally, you lift your chin and answer defiantly, “That’s not really your business anymore.”
“It’ll always be my business to make sure you’re okay,” Steve says softly. 
“I’m fine. Can you-”
“Minou?”Jean-Paul’s voice can be heard through the door just as he opens it and stares at you trapped by Steve’s arms. You push Steve away as Jean-Paul turns on his heel to leave. 
“Jean-Paul, please! It’s not what it looks like!” 
“Tu me prends pour une valise?(Do you take me for a fool?)” He says as he walks away quickly. 
“No! Jean, please!” You try to follow but Steve grabs your hand. 
“Please don’t go,” he begs. 
“Why not? Why shouldn’t I run after a good man? Why should I stay here with the one who broke my heart? Give me one good reason!” You practically shout the last sentence and scoff when he simply stares back. 
As you turn away again, he finds his voice, “Because I love you!”
That stops you in your tracks. He had never said it before. He had never mentioned love or the future even but now he was declaring it loudly. But could it be real?
“Funny how you just figured that out. You see me with another man and your jealousy finally forces those words out of your mouth. Well, Captain Rogers, I don’t believe you!” 
Steve closes the door before you can go out and when you turn back to him with a sharp remark on your tongue, it fades as you notice the tears clinging to his lashes. He holds his hands up and says softly, “Please, please hear me out. That night was the worst night of my life. I thought I was doing what was best for both of us with everything that was happening. There are so many threats, so many things you don’t know about and I can’t tell you. I thought I could protect you best by letting you go.”
“No, no! That isn’t the real reason you did this. You did this because you’re too scared to really commit to someone. You realized you had gotten in too deep with me and ran scared,” you try to hold onto your anger but your voice breaks on the last word. 
Steve sees you straighten your spine but the quiver in your lip is a dead giveaway. You’re scared to let him in again and his heart twists. Whatever it took he would win you back and the first step was admitting his failings. Carefully, he cradles your neck as he speaks softly, “You’re right. I was scared. I am scared but not having you is so much scarier. You are what makes all of the fighting worth it. You make me a better person and remind me of all the good things in the world. I wasn’t going to come tonight but I knew I had to. I had to see you. I needed to know that I could be in the same room with you and all of my reasons for breaking up with you would hold up.”
“And?” You whisper.
“Not a single one did. The second those elevator doors opened and I could see you, nothing else mattered except you. I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I love you so much. And if it’s still on the table, can I have that drawer?” Steve looks into your eyes, waiting for your answer. 
“It’s still available. I think we can make that work,” you reply with a little smirk. 
“And the other thing?”
“Yeah, I love you, too, Steve.”
“Thank God,” Steve whispers before kissing you sweetly. 
“What do we do now?” you ask as the kiss ends. 
“Go to my room to grab a few things. Do you want to go find Jean-Paul and tell him?” Steve asks.
“He’ll figure it out,” you say as you pull Steve to you for another kiss. 
Hours later, you smile at Steve’s sleeping form next to you. Your lips are slightly swollen from the number of kisses shared and you would have beard burn in some interesting places tomorrow but it was worth every moment. Quietly, you grab your phone and send a quick text to Jean-Paul, “Tell Kyle I said thank you for letting me borrow his hubby for the night. You’re the best.” Turning over, you snuggle against Steve and smile at being back where you belong.
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Updates and taglist: I do not keep a taglist. Updates for series will be made weekly. Please follow my sideblog @tuiccimfanfiction​ and turn on notifications for updates. All series and new stories will be reblogged to it. You will only receive notifications when a new part or story is out! Nothing else will be blogged to the page. I can’t thank you enough for your support!
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theobsessedbrunet · 2 months
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If only you'd love me
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Pairing: Steve x Y/n, one-shot
  TV screen softly blazed in the frantic waiting room of the ER. The reporter sternly explained to the viewers what happened in New York few hours ago. The camera showed earlier filmed videos of the dark man destroying, hurting everything that stood in it's way. He was big, muscular and had a dead look on his face. 
  Steve's shield appeared fast as a bullet but the man catched it. Steve took advantage of the man's concentration on the field and landed a punch on his face. 
  You turned your face away before you could see what the man did to him.
  "Miss Y/n?"
  You jumped out of your chair and walked towards the nurse who had promised to come and pick you up when you could see Steve. Behind the corner was Fury, waiting for you. Your stomach sank. 
  "I knew you'd come."
  You pressed your lips together as he started walked beside you. Fury observed you closely. He hadn't seen you since you left the Avengers compound doors banging and cries ringing through the halls. He was surprised you were this calm when usually you couldn't hold in your emotions. 
  "Please wait here for a moment." The nurse said as they entered a closely monitored hospital room. The door clicked as it closed, leaving you alone with Fury. His eyes never left your face.
  "How are you?" Nick asked, face leaning a bit downwards, trying to see your eyes better. You lifted them up to meet his as you sucked in your breath, trying to keep yourself together.
  A weak smile on your face, you answered "I'm ok." And moved to stare at the door before you.
  "He hasn't been since you left."
  Stab.
  "But I understand, this life isn't for everyone."
  Stab.
  Fury glanced down at your hands which were balled up. Slowly he took a step towards you, placing an arm on your shoulder. You turned up to look at him, tears slowly building up in your bright eyes. He eyed you for a bit and squeezed your shoulder in a comforting matter.
  "No one ever said this life is easy, but if this life wouldn't be for you, you wouldn't be standing here once again."
  Once again...
  The door clicked open as the nurse let you in. As you stepped into the quiet room full of beeping and heavy breaths, you heard the door close behind you, leaving you alone in the room with Steve.
  You gripped your handbag as hard as you could. Maybe if you squeezed tight enough, you would have the power to be there. You stared at the still body before, only sign of life was his chest rising and falling in a steady beat. The beat you lived for.
  Your steps echoed as you sneaked to stand beside him. His eyebrow had stiches, his cheekbone was purple, right eye was swollen, his lip busted and chin bruised. A sob escaped out of you. You can't imagine how much he was in pain. How much it took out of him to breath. 
  Slowly you sat down beside him, hands still gripping you handbag. You were as still as he was before you, scared if you moved his chest would stop moving. After a few minutes you had to speak.
  "I can't let you go."
  Peep. Peep.
  "I just wish you'd love me like you love doing the right thing."
  Silence.
  "I hope you miss me because I miss you."
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xmalfoyweasleyx · 1 year
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Anything - Steve Harrington x reader
Summary: When Steve's girlfriend (Dustin's sister) almost gets involved in their usual adventures, Dustin asks him to do anything to get her away from it. But things get out of hand...
Warnings!: ANGST, Steve hurts reader (accidentally), fighting, f!reader, henderson!reader , words: 1k
A/N: I'll probably make a part 2 for this cause I'm a sucker for fluffy endings ;) —> part 2
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“Why are you both so rushed? Is there something wrong?” y/n asked, standing in the middle of the living room with her arms crossed. Her boyfriend Steve and her brother Dustin were acting suspicious for a while now.
“Nothing wrong” Dustin lies, sounding scared and rushed. “Yep, everything’s fine honey” Steve adds. He presses a quick kiss on y/n’s lips and runs to the dooropening where Dustin is standing.
Y/n is confused about the sudden attitude of the boys and even feels left out. She used love the fact that her boyfriend and brother are best friends, but now it seems like things are changing. “Wait! Stop! You’re both really bad liars. You look like the world’s gonna end” she sighs angrily.
Ironically, she wasn’t wrong about that. A few seconds earlier Mike had warned them through the walkie talkie, a demogorgon was in the woods nearby. Y/n didn’t know anything about the crazy stuff the boys have been through. They kept it a secret for her, to keep her safe, just like they’re doing now.
“Baby, trust me, don’t ask questions, it’s for your own safety” Steve reassures her.
“W-What? I don’t understand, what’s going on?” Y/n sounds worried now. She gets overwhelmed with anxiety when a weird sound comes from the wood. At first y/n would have thought it was just some kind of wild animal, but when she sees the look on the boys’ faces, it seems more than just an animal.
Never in her life had she seen them look so scared.
“What was that?” Y/n screams now.
The boys stay silent, confused at what to do: comfort the girl they love so dearly or just leave and save the world.
“We need to go Steve” Dustin whispers, ignoring his sisters scoff.
“She’ll follow us” Steve answers. “Damn right, I will” y/n adds.
“Please, Steve, you have to make sure she doesn’t get involved, please, anything, what if she gets hurt… or… or killed?” Dustin whispers, so only Steve could hear.
Suddenly something clicks in Steve’s mind.
This sudden feeling, the need to protect her. The realization that if he lets her go with them, his biggest fears might come true. Flashes of his nightmares crossed his mind. They were almost always about her, and the monsters. Y/n always knew how to comfort him when he woke up screaming, but she never knew what the nightmares were about. When he lets her go with them, she’ll be in great danger, and it would be… His fault. He would never forgive himself for that.
“Hellooo?I’m standing right here, stop whispering” y/n gets annoyed, her fear turning into pure anger.
“Honey, you have to stop acting so stubborn” Steve sighs
“Excuse me?! Stubborn? You guys are acting all crazy out of nowhere and you expect me to ignore that?” y/n feels her skin starting to burn, turning red out of anger and confusion. “Look, I have no clue what’s going on but I’m not blind, if you guys are in danger I will help and you ca-“
“NO” they simultaneously cut her off. Steve gets away from the door opening, trying to get a little closer to his girlfriend again. His hand touches her arm cautiously, as if he’s trying not to break her into pieces.
“Y-you have to trust us” he sighs. His loving look almost calms her down, but the anger is still coursing through her veins.
“I don’t want to wait here” y/n says accentuating every word.
“Goddamn it woman, for once, listen to me!” Steve loses his temper.
“Don’t speak to me that way Harrington!” she speaks heavily. Steve takes a step back, shocked by the way she says his last name. She never called him that. Lots of people called him Harrington, with the right amount of disgust on their face. But she never did. Until now.
It almost felt like fume was coming out of his ears. Dustin still stood there, he was getting nervous, this was escalating.
“Steve.. I think we should…” Dustin tries.
But Steve doesn’t hear him.
“This is BULLSHIT” y/n spits out the word her boyfriend hates.
It becomes black before Steve’s eyes. He doesn’t even realise it when he steps even closer to her and grabs her wrists harshly. “STOP IT!” he screams.
“LET ME GO STEVE” she screams back, completely in shock by the sudden unfamiliar way he acts. His big hands press harder on her wrists, it feels like it’s going to leave bruises if he holds on. For a moment it’s like her Steve isn’t there anymore. The affectionate, soft, adoring look he always had when he looked at her. It was gone. Y/n could only see dark eyes with nothing behind them.
She calms down almost immediately, her angry words turning into whimpers.
“Steve..” she whimpered softly, focusing on the hands gripping her,
It was silent now. A tear falls down her cheek. “Steve… Steve? Y-you’re hurting me” she cries.
Suddenly, his eyes soften again when the unfamiliar cries of her voice make him realise what he’s doing. He lets go immediately.
Steve is in shock. He’s focused on the redness on y/n’s wrist, doesn’t even have the guts to look at her hurt face again. That look was the worst things he’s ever seen.
“Y/n, I’m so so sorry, I can’t even believe I did this.. I-I..” he whines with a hurt expression. His heart shattered into a million pieces when he dared to look at her again. She looked scared.
Scared of him.
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Note
hiii can you please write a very angsty stucky x reader where they ignore her for days after a fight but it ends in fluff after the reader breaks down in front of them and they ask sorry and realize they were being too immature **sorry if this is too specific
Terrible Tabloid Talk
Pairing: stucky x reader
Warnings: heavy angst to heavy fluff, arguments, gross tabloid gossip, the media suck’s
Summary: reader is an actress and some tabloid gossip makes the happy throuple have a bad argument
You were walking home when you saw it in the corner of your eyes. You normally didn’t pay attention to the tabloids and gossip, but you had to give some glance to this one. The new headline was that you and the costar of your new film were supposedly dating, problem was, you were secretly in a relationship with the two best guys in the world, Steve and Bucky. The avengers all knew of course, you lived there after all, but the rest of the world had no clue.
After seeing the magazines, you rushed home, hoping the guys hadn’t seen them and you could explain before they jumped to conclusions. You started running and sped up to your shared floor. There you found the guys with peeved, obviously angry faces. “Loves, please let me explain.” They said nothing but shrugged off your advances at hugs and kisses, ignoring your ask at time to explain it was untrue.
You tried to show your apology by making them dinner, their favorite, but they didn’t even take one look at the food, the guys grabbed a sandwich and watched a movie all cuddled together. You watched sadly from the kitchen, cleaning up from dinner and doing the dishes.
You hoped that, that night you would be able to make up with cuddles and pillow talk. To your dismay, when you tried to go to bed, you found the door locked and a pillow with a blanket outside the door, along with your laptop for work. You let out a small cry, and headed to Nat’s room, hoping your best friend would still be up.
When you got there you found her missing, after a quick ask to Friday, you found out her and Wanda, your other bestie, were on a impromptu mission. You shed a few more tears at the fact your friends weren’t there to help comfort you. Not knowing what to do, but knowing you wouldn’t be able to sleep, you took your laptop to the common room and got to work on answering emails and throwing yourself into your work, the same work that got you into this mess.
The next morning, you headed up to grab some more clothes and you saw Bucky and Steve acting all lovey dovey in the kitchen making breakfast. How you longed for those kisses, or even just a hug from them. You did your best to ignore eye contact. Walking swiftly to get a few pairs of clothes. Afterwards, you walked out to see they had made pancakes, something they only did with you, it was something you only did all together. It saddened you even more and you had to run out of there before the tears overcame you.
The couch was uncomfortable and you were cold without your 2 personal heaters, no matter how many blankets you put over you. That night you put yourself to sleep with your cries, tears streaming down your face staining your blankets. Nat and Wanda were supposed to be back the next day so that helped you sleep a little better knowing your friends would be back to help you.
You woke up and your boyfriends were still ignoring you, you were now going on day 3, counting the day they found out. You all went to the landing pad to greet bay and Wanda and Nat. You stood on the opposite side as your boys which the rest of the team found odd as you were normally on top of each other, but they kept their mouths shut.
Nat and Wanda walked out and immediately ran to you. They could tell in an instant that something was wrong. As they hugged you they whispered to meet in Nat’s room. After saying hi to the others, everyone dispersed and you met the gals in the planned area.
“So what the hell happened!?!” Wanda asked concerned while at the same time Nat seethed, “what did they do?” You explained how they were ignoring you for the tabloid gossip that wasn’t true. They immediately took your side, saying Bucky and Steve were being unreasonable not even letting you try to explain. They promised to take you shopping tomorrow to try some retail therapy, and Nat told you, you were allowed to stay in her room till the boys came to their senses.
Sleeping next to Nat was better than being alone on the couch, but it was no where near as comfy as sleeping near Bucky and Steve. The next day, as promised, the girls took you to the mall and you all had a good day. Or what would’ve been a good day if everything didn’t remind you of your super soldiers. The pretzels that were Bucky’s favorites, the Captain America collection at Target, the books in the bookstore about world war 2, it all made you want to cry. You held it together though, at least until you made it home.
That night you needed to get your emotions out, and the best way you knew how was to take a note from Steve’s book, hitting stuff. You went down to the gym and started pounding on a punching bag. Slowly your emotions came pouring out. After a little you started bawling, tears streaming down your face. Friday must’ve been worried about you and notified your emergency contacts, who were still Steve and Bucky, because you heard their voice for the first time in 3 days. “Doll?”
You turned around and through your blurry, tear stained vision you saw your boys standing their, tired, like they just woke up. You broke down, falling to your knees, the tears falling harder, through the tears you cried, “I’m so sorry, please, I, I can’t do this anymore, I didn’t go on a date with him, the tabloids spun lunch with a costar, a friend, into something more, please, believe me, I, I love you both so much, I’m so sorry.” Both men moved to your side immediately, feeling so remorseful. They didn’t care what happened anymore, logically they realized now, you would never cheat on them, and the tabloids always spun things out of control.
They sat there, consoling you, promising they still loved you, and apologizing for being immature. They held onto you tightly, a few tears falling from their own eyes. After you had calmed enough, the boys wanted to take you somewhere more comfortable where you could rest before you all talked. They carried you up to bed and placed you in the middle, circling themselves around you. You slept better than you had in the past 3 days, feeling warm and at home.
When you woke up, Steve and Bucky were still right there with you. “Hey doll, come ‘ere, come cuddle please?” You scooted into Bucky’s awaiting arms and nuzzled into him. “We still gotta talk mister. You and Steve made pancakes without me!” Bucky chuckled a little, and responded, “I know we do doll, I know, just missed out on my cuddles, and I got some apologizing to do, don’t I?”
After you had all woken up, and the guy’s sexy morning voice was gone, you didn’t need that distracting you from the task at hand, you all sat up and decided to have to inevitable talk.
“Doll, we want to start off by saying sorry for not giving you a chance to tell us what actually happened, and for being so immature about it.” Steve started. “We should’ve never let it get as far as it did, and we should’ve realized from the beginning that the tabloids always look for drama,” Bucky continued. You gave them both hugs, “thank you both, and I promise you guys, it wasn’t a date, it was just a lunch with Josh to go over the next few scenes in the movie. There has to be something though loves, something there that would make you think I might do something like that, is everything alright? Am I doing something wrong?”
The guys quickly turned sheepish. “Stevie, Buck, I promise, I won’t get mad or break up with you no matter what you say right now, I want to fix it if I’m doing something,” you gave them both a kiss for reassurance. “Well doll, it’s not all your fault either, it’s just, we aren’t spending as much time together,” Bucky braved. “Again doll, not only on you, it’s our fault too, we’ve been gone on a lot of missions lately.” You smiled sadly, glad they told you. “Well then, after this movie I am going to take a break and not take any more roles for a while, to spend more time with my boys.” Both soldier’s faces lit up. “And we promise to scale back on the number of missions doll, thank you.” “Now come ‘ere guys, I missed out on my cuddles for like 3 days!” You pulled both guys back down into the mattress for cuddles.
A few seconds later, both guys tried moving their hands down low, trying to start something. You swatted Bucky’s hand away from your short’s waistband and Steve from your shirt hemline. “Nope, you guys don’t get to do that yet, I’m still angry at you both for making pancakes without me, that was a special thing for only when we were all home.” The guys saddened a little but understood. “We are sorry doll, really, and we understand.” Bucky apologized again. “Can we still get kisses though?” Steve asked shyly. You nodded and pulled them in for a kiss each, “you can always have kisses. Love you both.” “Love you too doll, and as a sorry for the pancakes we’ll make some of your favorite pancakes tomorrow, and we’ll watch your favorite movie while cuddled on the couch, and your favorite dinner at that one place” Bucky started listing. “And…” you prompted, “and we’ll get you flowers and that candy you like, and give you a massage” Steve continued, “and…” you jokingly tried, not expecting anything more. “And we’ll go to Coney Island and make Steve ride the cyclone,” Bucky added, to Steve’s dismay. “And we’ll get the matching shirts you like but Bucky doesn’t ,” Steve retorted. You started laughing and then the guys knew something was up. “Doll…what’s going on…” you smiled at them.
“Jokes on you two, I would’ve forgiven you for the pancake thing after movie and cuddles.” The guys looked dumbfounded. But right as they opened their mouths to take it all back you added, “nope! Can’t take it back, it’s too late now.” You placed a kiss on each one’s lips and cuddled into them both. “Does that mean?” Steve asked suggestively. “Not until after I’ve gotten my pancakes and movie at least.”
Hope you all enjoy! @icarusafety
Taglist: @peaches1958 , @glxwingrxse
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keerysfolklore · 5 months
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“Our love is like a moonless night, mysterious and captivating in its own way.” - Steve x Y/N
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haleyhunwritess · 1 year
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hiiiii!!!!!! i am recovering from anorexia where i had to get hospitialized cuz i wouldnt eat i was wondering if you would be able to write something for me i love your writing so so much i hope you have a amazing day tommorrow or to night or when ever you read this
LOVE YOU SO MUCH=(^.^)=
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You're Enough.
a/n: Oh no, love. I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. Please feel free to message me if you want to! It took me a very long time to write this because it hit a little close to home and while I haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder, I've noticed for the past two years that I've been starving myself in a very unhealthy way, and my doctor said I show signs of body dysmorphia, so it took me a while to write this and it may not be what you wanted so i'm so sorry but i really tried my best to write this. I really hope that you're doing better now<3
warnings: angsty, implication of an ED, stressed!reader
“I know, baby, I know.” Bucky sighed listening to her cry on the phone.
“M-make it go ‘way…I have so much work left...” She mumbled as she tried to sit up. She quickly laid back down when her stomach started to hurt even more.
“Bubba, I really wish I could.”
“Why can’t you make it better,” She continued to cry loudly, “You always do.”
He could feel his heart breaking as he listened to her cry, beg him for help, “Sweetheart, I would love to help you, I just don’t think I’m close enough to do that right. I wish I was there to take care of you…”
He felt guilty for leaving her. He didn’t have a choice in but it still pained him to listen to her crying because she was in so much pain. If Sam wouldn't have called him for help then he would’ve stayed with her.
She was still in school but she's supposed to graduate next year. She'd been dreaming about going to graduate school to get her masters. But lately, she felt like she was suffocating trying to get good grades. She'd been trying her absolute best but sometimes it felt like it wasn't enough.
Last year, she failed two classes, and almost failed a third one. She couldn't figure out why it happened until she got diagnosed with ADD. Her doctor talked to her about taking medication and getting treatment. She explained neurodiversity, and how late diagnosis like this often affects your grades and work.
During summer, she tried to make up for it all but she got a little obsessive. One time, she nearly went 3 days without eating anything because she was too focused on an essay that was due soon. Her stomach hurt so much on the fourth day, so she tried to eat something but ended up getting sick and throwing it all up. She drank some water and got back to work. She was at her desk for hours until Bucky finally forced her to take a break.
As soon as she got up from her desk, she nearly passed out in his arms. He had to hold her up while her head was spinning. He'd been so worried, so scared. He helped her to her bed before getting her something to drink. She took a few sips before confessing that she hadn't had a thing in days.
She'd been doing much better with his help lately, but every now and then, she struggles to have even one meal a day. She'd always had a complicated relationship with her body and food. But it felt like it had been getting worse lately.
If she was in this much pain before Bucky left, he never would’ve left her alone. But now there’s not much he could do besides try to cheer her up with sweet words of encouragement over the phone.
“Hate being alone like this…hurts so much…” She mumbled, pulling the blanket over her head before bringing her phone back to her ear.
“Bubba how about you get some rest and I’ll try to figure something out so you’ll feel better in no time, yeah? How does that sound, baby, is that okay?” Bucky had a plan that might help her feel a bit better until he comes back.
She mumbled a quick yes before hanging up the phone and slowly falling back asleep.
After a while, she woke up to someone gently stroking her hair. At first she leaned into their touch but then she realized that Bucky wasn’t supposed to be home yet. She quickly pushed the person away and sat up in her bed to see who it was.
“Hey, it’s just me! Don’t panic, sweetheart, Bucky called me and said you weren’t feeling too well?” She relaxed when she realized it was just Steve. She slowly nodded, lying back down and curling in on herself. The pain had only gotten worse.
“Poor baby, it’s alright, everything is going to be okay! I brought you some food and something to drink so you’ll be feeling better in no time.” She quickly shook her head, and covered herself up with the blanket again. The thought of eating anything right now was enough to make her feel sick.
“Bubba…you know you have to eat, love. I know you’re very cozy right now, and I promise we can cuddle soon, but darling you know food is very important too.”
She quietly sniffled at his words, feeling a bit overwhelmed. She knew he was right. She didn’t enjoy feeling this way, she knew how unhealthy this was for her. But her brain wouldn’t allow her to agree so quickly. She just started fidgeting with her thumb instead of answering him.
He gently lifted the blanket up, “Look I brought you a few snacks and some drinks. There’s all kinds of different things, bubba, even some chocolate! We can start small, like something to drink first. Your throat must be pretty sore, bubs.”
She thought about it for a second. It couldn’t hurt to drink something. It would help her feel a bit better. She slowly nodded and got up, her back against the headboard.
Steve smiled at her, and opened up the bag he brought with him. He dumped everything onto her bed, making her eyes widen at the amount of food and drinks he’d gotten for her.
He noticed her reaction and decided to put a few things back in the bag, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. These are for you and I to share, don’t have to finish it all by yourself. Plus I just wanted to make sure I brought you a wide selection of snacks and drinks to choose from.” He knew she had some sensory issues, especially when it came to food. She wasn't exactly picky but some textures just didn't feel right in her mouth and she preferred to steer clear of them.
She nodded and looked down at some of the drinks that were on her bed, along with the snacks. She tried to tell Steve which drink she wanted but her throat was so sore, she couldn’t get the words out. She decided to just point at one of the juice boxes and mumble a ‘please’.
“It’s okay, bubba, you don’t have to talk. I know it hurts. It’ll be okay soon.” He popped the straw into the juice box before handing it over to her, “Alright you get started on that juice box, I’ll find a movie for us to watch.”
He took his laptop out of his bag and turned it on. He quickly turned on one of her favourite movies, then placed the laptop next to her.
“Alright I’m gonna have a snack, bubs, I’m feeling a bit hungry. Would you like to share one?” She shrugged, not sure what to say. He grabbed a sleeve of cookies, before moving over to sit down next to her, “It’s okay if you don’t want to, bubba, you can still have a little bit if you’d like though?”
She watched him open up the package and take out a cookie, offering it to her first. She quickly shook her head and turned her attention over to the movie. He kissed her forehead before taking a bite of the cookie, “Oh bubs, these are really good. Are you sure you don’t want some? I can split this one if you’d like?”
She thought about it for a minute before hesitantly nodding her head. He smiled and split the cookie into two, making sure he didn’t get any crumbs on the bed. He handed her the other half, watching her take small bites, “You're doing great, love. Bucky loves you, you know? I know he can’t wait to come back home and see you.”
She smiled at the thought of Bucky coming home soon, while finishing off the cookie. Her throat felt a bit dry from the cookie, so she took a few sips from the juice box before putting it back down.
She moved closer to Steve, resting her head on top of him. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him, “How are you feeling now, bubs? Stomach still hurts?”
“A little bit…” She mumbled, smiling every now and then at the movie.
“What if I cut up some fruits for you in a little bit? How does that sound? Maybe some strawberries for my sweet girl?” She blushed at that but nodded her head, “Alright then, I’ll get that for you in a bit.”
“T-thank you.”
He smiled, giving her a kiss on her forehead, “Come on, get comfy, love. Everything is gonna be okay.”
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