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bl0w-m3 · 1 year

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I will always love being anything but sober

#mental health memes #sober #addict #addicted #bpd shitposting #bpd mood #bpd favorite person #bpd stuff #bpd #bpdmemes #actually bipolar #actually mentally ill #actually traumatized #actually bpd #borderline personality disorder #substance dependence

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bipolar-moon · 1 year

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I'm losing my mind.

Been suffering from benzo withdrawal for almost 2 months now. I think. I stopped counting.

Starting tapering by 1/8 of a mg on March 1st. I decrease the amount every 2 weeks. I'm not at the point where I'm almost completely off of it. Only a few days left.

So far, I've experienced:

agitation

irritability

increased anxiety

flu-like symptoms for a few days after about 3 weeks of tapering

muscle tension

mild nausea

muscle jerking

restless leg syndrome

probably other things that I'm forgetting

those last 2 symptoms (#9 not included) are the most prevalent right now. The only real reason I'm writing this is because my phone is updating and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. But I NEED to talk about this, even if it's just to myself in journal form. and I'm currently being driven up the wall by the nerves in my right leg. It feels like electricity is shooting around my kneecap and down to my ankle. This is the most uncomfortable I've been since the early withdrawal symptoms.

Early on I found someone via Twitter who has gone through the same thing as me, and I've since adopted her as my "sponsor", for lack of a better term. She's been very helpful. I feel very lucky to have her help me along this journey.

This is the second time I've attempted to taper off klonopin. The first time I failed after 2 weeks. About a year and a half before that, I had experienced pretty bad withdrawal symptoms after running out of meds for 36 or so hours.

I'm tired of these symptoms. They're not nearly as bad as I was expecting, probably due to tapering so slowly. But it's still hell.

As I sit here, super uncomfortable, moving my leg every 30 seconds to feel the least bit more comfortable, I remind myself how easy it would be to just take my previous full dose and have all of this over with. Just go back to normal. Sure, I'd become a slave to this drug again, but I'd have my sanity and my comfort back.

I've been on klonopin for 7-8 years. I didn't want to get off of it. My psychiatrist insisted. I thought about getting a new one. The long-term effects scared me, but so did the withdrawals. Now I'm in limbo. I have been since March 1, 2023. I'm frustrated.

To give up is so tempting.

#klonopin #drugs tw #drug blog #withdrawal symptoms #withdrawal tw #benzo withdrawal #benzo addiction #benzodiazepam #kpins #dependance #tw substances #substance dependence #rehabilitation #tapering #drug relapse #venting #life update

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if-you-fan-a-fire · 1 month

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"My experience and observation tell me that the genuine drug addict, as distinct from the occasional user of drugs or the well-to-do addict, is a person whose whole life revolves about the drug to which he is addicted. He is not, like the addict of means, a person who leads a normal, law-abiding life, using drugs in place of alcoholic or other stimulants; nor is he like the occasional drug user who goes on a periodic drug spree; he differs from these types in that he is essentially the merchant. He buys drugs and sells them for a profit by means of which he supports his own drug habit. His is a vicious circle of irrational activity; for he sells drugs in order to sustain life, and then uses drugs in order to escape from life. There is, however, nothing essentially criminal about his activity. True crime consists in theft, rape, murder, arson, and the like; in ruthless violation of the per- sonal, property and sexual rights of other persons, and not in mere violations of local (and not necessarily morally sound) statutes and regulations. Because, then, the true drug addict is essentially a mere vendor of prohibited merchandise (like the bootlegger), and not, like the murderer, the raper, or the thief, a true criminal, I say that the true drug addict is only incidentally a criminal.

It is true, at the same time, that the drug addict sometimes resorts to true crime. There are times when, because of unusual activity on the part of narcotic agents, he does not dare to ply his usual trade. In such times he is likely, temporarily, to commit pettier types of crime in order to get the money with which to support his drug habit.

....

....the criminal is only incidentally a drug addict. In the first place, since otherwise law-abiding members of the free community also use drugs, it cannot be said that the use of drugs is an essential part of criminality.

It is as true of the criminal as it is true of the law-abiding citizen, that the persons who go in for the use of habit-forming drugs are usually those who are improperly adjusted to their environments. It is the mentally, physically, emotionally maladjusted individual, the individual who seeks escape from the harsh realities of life, who goes in most assiduously for the use of drugs. This means that only to the extent that he is more maladjusted to his environment is the criminal more likely than the law-abiding citizen to resort to drugs.

A great deal of the misapprehension which exists on this score is due to the writers of tabloid and the cheaper grades of detective fiction. From the fact that an occasional spectacular criminal is ascertained to be a drug addict, and the fact that some cocaine-crazed addict occasionally commits a particularly vicious crime, they jump to the conclusion that all drug addicts are criminals, and that drug addiction is typical of the average criminal. Then they proceed to increase the circulation of their particular periodical by writing stories and articles based upon their misapprehension of the true facts. From their sensational writings, and their inclination to generalize about "cokies" and "dope fiends", a great many prejudices and fallacies arise and become an integral part of public opinion. They made no distinction between criminal and non-criminal addicts, nor between the users of cocaine and the users of morphia, as if all users of drugs or the drugs they use are the same."

- Victor F. Nelson, Prison Days and Nights. Second edition. With an introduction by Abraham Myerson, M.D. Garden City: Garden City Publishing Co., 1936. p. 173-175.

#words from the inside #prisoner autobiography #prison days and nights #victor nelson #history of crime and punishment #professional criminals #reading 2024 #causes of crime #american prison system #research quote #illegal possession of narcotics #substance dependence #dope fiend #narcotics possession #history of addiction #history of drug use #drug dealer

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broken-notfixed · 1 year

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9-1-1’s “Recovery” episode was poignant. The addiction, relapse and recovery cycle for Substance Use Disorder has consistently felt earnest. Thank you Cap! Thank you Peter Krause for your portrayal of a man in recovery.

I wish I had community. But I don’t.

I’m an alcoholic.

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hotgirlmessss · 1 year

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One small fucking trigger and I’m relapsing already wow I thought I’m getting better

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disassociativesaddiebaddie · 1 year

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I have to be fucked up to be happy

#fuck my life #hate myself #tw depressive #tw depressing stuff #addiction #substance dependence #sad but true #tw depressing thoughts #depressing post #dissosiation

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moonlit-marauders · 1 year

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Due to recent events in my life, I want to come on here and say that I am always here for anyone if they need. If you're struggling with your mental health, you're not alone.

Reach out to someone, anyone, you trust. I care about you. Even if I don't know you, I care and I am always here for you.

For those who need:

Substance abuse line (SAMHSA) 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (Offers Spanish and English)

Suicide and crisis line: 988

Crisis text line: text HOME to 741741

Childhelp national child abuse hotline: (800) 422-4453

Disaster distress helpline videophone for American Sign Language users: 1-800-985-5990

National sexual assault line: (800) 656-4673

Nacional de prevención del suicidio: (888) 628-9454

Feel free to add more information or details.

#mental heath awareness #mental health #mental health support #salud #losses #depressing shit #self help #988lifeline #substance dependence #mental wellbeing #i love you

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your-blood-is-my-drug · 1 year

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I can't even remember the last time I was completly sober

#probably 3 weeks ago #hurts #addicted #addictive #addict #self destruction #alcohol problems #alcoholism #substance use disorder #substance dependence #i hate this

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hedonismstudy · 1 year

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My dream is that post-2024, we can finally stop pretending like people don’t want to do drugs.

As though doing recreational drugs is always an accident. Don’t get me wrong, it’s far better to not need substances. But one of the things living-beings are capable of doing is getting high/inebriated. We shouldn’t have to deny ourselves that truth.

People like sugar, people like caffeine. There’s never been much taboo about that, and those are in fact substances. Alcohol is technically poison. And drinking has been culturally relevant for as long as culture has existed.

I don’t think we should hold substance use against each other. I can’t see why a child would not want a cookie when offered, and in the same vein, I just refuse to shame adults for wanting adult cookies

#love and other drugs #war on drugs #future #hedonism #respect #adulting #adulthood #substance dependence #substance use mention #substance abuse #controlled substances #substance use disorder

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therapy-bites · 1 year

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TherapyBites Podcast NOW AVAILABLE on your favorite pod player!

Addiction: The Psychology of Drug Abuse

(1 of 2)

It’s all about the Psychology of EveryDay Life & Relationships.

BRAND NEW episodes:

E12. Attitude of Gratitude: The Psychology of Thanksgiving

E11. Open Loops: The Psychology of NOT Knowing

E10. Pardon My ANGER: The Psychology of Difficult Emotions

E9. The MAGIC of Making Matters Worse: The Psychology of Catastrophizing

E8. Hallows, Haunts, & Scary Places: The Psychology of Halloween (p. 2)

E7. Ghosts, Ghouls, & Scary Faces: The Psychology of Halloween (p. 1)

E6. Myths, Monsters, & Scary Stress

E5. Spirits, Unsafe Spaces, & Other Tales of Terror

E4. Zombies & Depression Quicksand

E3. Barking Werewolf Ruins the Day

E2. Spooky Tales, Scary Therapy, & Staying Psychologically Safe

E1. Scary Stories from the DARK RECESSES Beneath the Therapy Couch

*NEW EPISODES WEEKLY*

*FOLLOW US ON YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM*

#therapybites #couchcrumbs #psychotherapy #relationships #neuroscience #docheath #bitesizedtherapy #cognitive science #neuropsychology #forensic psychology #addiction #substance addiction #substance dependence

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bl0w-m3 · 11 months

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#BPD #substance dependence #truama humor

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if-you-fan-a-fire · 2 years

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"SAY SCARS INDICATE WOMAN DRUG ADDICT," Toronto Star. May 27, 1942. Page 2. ---- Physicians Testify at Trial of Dr. Hett, Accused of Giving Morphine ---- Multiple scars and punctures on the arms and legs of Clara Merrick, I alias Martin, were described today by two Toronto physicians as signs of drug addiction. She is a crown witness in the case of Dr. John E. Hett, Kitchener physician, charged before Judge Ian Macdonell with prescribing morphine for other than medicinal purposes. Mrs. Merrick testified Tuesday that she had obtained morphine tablets from Dr. Hett at his office and in other places, and had also been given serum treatment for cancer, although she was not suffering from cancer. She said that she had lied to Dr. Hett in giving a history of cancer so that she might. obtain narcotics. Dr. Philip Shuman of St. Michael's hospital said he had seen the marks of a hypodermic needle on Mrs. Merrick's arms while she was being treated for pneumonia and abscesses on the arms. He saw no symptoms of cancer. Dr. Robert Janes of the Toronto General hospital also said he had found the signs of drug addiction on Mrs. Mericek's arms and legs. He said he would not administer mor- phine to a cancer patient who was able to walk about.

#toronto #kiitchener #drug dealer #drug dealing doctor #corrupt doctor #selling narcotics #morphine #narcotics possession #illegal possession of narcotics #substance dependence #substance abuse #crime and punishment in canada #history of crime and punishment in canada #canada during world war 2

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courseyoulovemeyoudontknowme · 21 days

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Ed Wood (1994, Tim Burton)

05/04/2024

Ed Wood is a 1994 film by Tim Burton, inspired by the life and cinematographic works of Ed Wood, defined as "the worst director of all time". The role of the director is played by Johnny Depp.

Presented in competition at the 48th Cannes Film Festival, the film, freely inspired by Rudolph Grey's biography Nightmare of Ecstasy, received two Oscars and numerous other awards. This is also Tim Burton's first feature film without music composed by Danny Elfman, due to creative differences between the two. The director chose composer Howard Shore.

In 1952, the young and penniless artist Edward D. Wood Jr. runs a dilapidated theater company, and is looking for funds for his debut in the world of cinema. When he learns from Variety Magazine that the producer George Weiss is looking for a director to shoot a biographical film on the events of Christine Jorgensen, he enthusiastically goes to Weiss asking him to direct the film, certain that the fact that he also loves wearing women's clothes can represent a point in his favor.

Wood accidentally meets one of his idols, the elderly actor Bela Lugosi and accompanies him to his home, starting to form a sincere friendship with him. By promising him that Lugosi will be part of the cast for little money, she manages to convince him to direct the film about Jorgensen, which now has a new title: Glen or Glenda.

His girlfriend Dolores Fuller advises him to produce his new film alone.

The shooting of the film thus ends and the film is renamed Bride of the Monster. To make matters worse, it turns out that Bela Lugosi was a drug addict.

Wood manages to convince the religious congregation to which his landlord belongs to entrust him with the money allocated to produce a film on the Apostles of Jesus to make a science fiction film, letting him understand that with the box office receipts the capital would multiply allowing him to make many films with a religious background. The new film is called Plan 9 from Outer Space and Wood reuses some impromptu scenes shot by Lugosi before his death by having Kathy's chiropractor, Dr. Tom Mason, impersonate him for the remaining scenes.

The making of the film was disastrous to say the least due to the tantrums of the first actress, Vampira, the interference of the Baptist producers, the chronic lack of funds and not least the casual charlatanism of Wood, who didn't care in the slightest about how uncredible were the acting, the scenes and special effects. One day, in the throes of a nervous breakdown, Wood goes drinking in a bar, where he meets his idol Orson Welles, who is also worried about the troubled production of a film. The film ends with Ed Wood attending the premiere of Plan 9 from Outer Space, where he is greeted by enthusiastic applause from the audience, and then leaves the theater with Kathy and goes to Las Vegas and gets married.

Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski conceived the idea of writing a screenplay about Ed Wood's life while studying at the USC School of Cinematic Arts.

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writing-my-healing · 11 months

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Calm Before the Storm - Journal Entry #1

I just finished getting high after months of doing so good. It didn’t take much for me to want to do it again. I guess substance dependency is a lot different than what they taught us it would be. I’m in this continuous cycle of starting again, because it’s just weed and there’s nothing wrong with it, but then it slowly starts to take over. When it takes over i am high all the time. It’s the only time that i can just exist. My thoughts and my mind cease to take over, and i can just be still. I can be present. However, my own presence can be overwhelming. Things i no longer remembered begin coming back. I make myself believe that the answer to stop that is by getting high again, because after all, it does give me a brief time of peace. I can finally feel like a good mom. I can laugh again, i can play again, i can make her happy again..

The world around me doesn’t seem to bother me anymore. Suddenly, i no longer exist in constant chaos - or at least that is what my brain makes me believe. The truth is, that as I sit outside getting high, the dishes are piling up, the laundry is piling up, i no longer have much energy to take showers, to brush my hair, to sweep the floors. The cat hair is everywhere and it is hard to keep them off my clothes. What am i doing? I’m supposed to be a responsible adult; A respectful adult. Why is it so hard for me to be normal? Why is it so hard for me to live the way that i’m supposed to. I hate myself for it. I hate myself, because this part of me must stay hidden from my daughter. I am shameful and I could never stand to shatter her idea of me.

I know i must do better. As i re-write this journal entry, the cycle is heading to a close… once again.

#mental health #coping #substance dependence

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opalscars · 1 year

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Substance abuse

When I was young my father would let me have sips of his beer, when I got older and he passed my mother offered to buy me alcohol, at that time I refused but I would’ve said yes within the last year, I filled my liver full of alcohol each night to numb feelings until I passed out, I mean i could stop at anytime but I didn’t want to because being intoxicated made me, me, it made me someone. I was an depressed drunken mess who didn’t know how to deal with feelings too confusing to understand now because of the constant intoxication leaving me sunken in and with a melted brain, but for a moment in those drinks, shots, beers, I had clarity and felt happy, though the pain outweighed it I still seeked for the minute of joy from forgetting everything that’s ever happened to me, I guess it was nice to forget evernight.

#alcohol #rehab #corecore #substance dependence

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tapeworrmart · 8 days

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Vacant 💫

#More of my OC fellas! Yippee or sorry depending on how u feel #Now. I'm not gonna say this one isn't suggestive. But its up to interpretation #To me it's a substance thing. But yknow.....#Anyway back at it again draw hands and men being manhandled #art #sketch #character art #Original character #Original art #OC art #Oc #Angel #Tapeworrm oc #Original character art

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