#stressed out at all and seem to forget that i am being evaluated

[featherymainffins]

Me showing DSAF to an acquaintance who has only heard of it like: "You will get depression due to this later. Anyway this is my primordial pet freak, he has killed hundreds of people and will kill again and I think he should be locked in a controlled environment forever. Oh no not for his crimes. It's because I want to study him like a bug forever. Perhaps break his bones one by one... Anyway when I draw him drawing is actually fun and doesn't feel like a stressful performance."

#its so funny i just cant be normal. normal people have like #normal characters that they consider characters that bring them joy. i always pull out the most rancid fucker and go #'this is my emotional support piece of shit and when i draw him i rediscover what hobbies are' #(because i actually do not have hobbies in the traditional sense) #(as in activities like drawing or writing are actually not fun for me at all #i do them because im fairly good at them and because it's a habit; like doing your homework. but i hate them. it's a stressful thing #and it brings me more tears than fun. i like to produce products i like being productive but i hate the process and i hate #how i can make a mistake and i feel judged the whole time. i feel like that during playing instruments and during sewing amd #i felt that way during horse riding and i feel that way no matter what i do. constantly judged and evaluated and like #my performance has to be flawless and every tiny mistake justified. like my life is a constant process of justifying my actions in #front of a court and a judge and a jury.) #(but when i draw some specific characters I don't feel that way. i feel like this weird feeling that i think might be joy? i don't feel #stressed out at all and seem to forget that i am being evaluated #i forget that i have to constantly earn my life. j don't stop every few lines to get a breather to calm myself down and assure myself #that i can do this flawlessly. i just...draw and if it's less than perfect i just correct the mistakes. but I don't feel pressured or judged #i find myself smiling and it's weird. because i never feel like smiling when im drawing or writing or anything.)

[jaylaxies]

𝗦𝗜𝗠 𝗝𝗔𝗘𝗬𝗨𝗡 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧

GUIDE:

M — mature | F — fluff | A — angst

O — one-shot | S — series | T — timestamp

FORGET ME NOT

[ school trip au | m, f, o | 2.6k words ]

finally getting a break from your studies, you decide to join your school on an educational trip to australia. now what would you do if your teachers accidentally forget you at sydney while making their way to canberra, leaving you all alone? but great for you, a handsome stranger is more than willing to help.

3:51 AM

[ officer au | m, t ]

LAKESIDE RENDEZVOUS

[ best friends to lovers au | m, f, o | 1.5k words ]

"did you just spray paint a dick on the wall?" you laughed in amusement at your best friend. vandalizing the city with spray paint at 2 am didn't seem like the best idea to you. "oh come on, it'll be fun." jake had conveniently added with expectantly raised eyebrows. and, well, you agreed.

WISH COME TRUE

[ birthday au | m, f, o | 2.3k words ]

jake only wishes for one thing on his birthday, you.

NOT A PUNISHMENT

[ mirror sex | m, o | 1k words ]

you knew teasing jake wouldn't end well, but never thought it'll get you into this mess, however, you most certainly don't mind getting punished by him, especially when he does so in front of a mirror.

THE SWITCH PROJECT

[ project partners au | m, o | 5.3k words ]

being the top model for your company was something you had grown accustomed to, alongside your photographer, jihoon, always placing number one on the 'monthly evaluation list'. just opposite to jake not being accustomed to be placed second. so when company announced 'the switch project', jake had to turn the tables for him. the hard part? you're his partner and you hate him.

GOLDEN GLOW

[ yoga au | m, o | 1.1k words ]

jake finds your tight yoga clothes more interesting than, well, yoga.

DINNER FOR THREE [ft. heeseung]

[ school au | m, f, o | 2.7k words ]

university was stressful, the constant tests and assignments had drained you enough for you to look lifeless so, heeseung and jake, your closest friends, very graciously offered to study with you and also staying for a bowl of ramyeon, promising that they'll help you destress in their own way.

WINDOW VOYEUR

[ neighbours au | m, o | 944 words ]

you hate wearing clothes at home and your neighbour loves it.

AFTER HOURS

[ librarian au | m, o | 1.3k words ]

you lose your track of time while reading the book at your favorite spot in the library and soon find out that the rain won't allow you go home anytime soon. however, finding the sweet librarian jerking off to porn in the staff area wasn't something you had expected to encounter.

PING! WE SHOULD FUCK

[ best friend’s brother au | m, o, f | 6.5k words ]

trying out tinder was a random thought you had, not expecting to see your best friend’s twin brother there. feeling bold, you swiped right on his profile, never once thinking that he’d do the same and text you right after, to which, you didn’t reply, well knowing that you’ll have to face him the next day for your sleepover with his sister at their place.

ROMAN HOLIDAY

[ strangers to lovers au | m, o, f | 10k words ]

visiting your grandma’s place was more or less your entire plan for your summer vacations and only break you get before your university starts, although, meeting your neighbour, bickering with him and clutching his hand while running away from cops wasn’t in your bucket list.

RULE NUMBER ONE: DON’T FALL IN LOVE

[ fake dating au I m, o, f, a | 16.2k words ]

your ex getting a girlfriend after just two weeks of breakup was enough to infuriate you to the point where you had to step up and make him regret breaking your heart. solution? fake date his best friend and make him jealous!

© jaylaxies | tumblr

do NOT copy, translate, rewrite or repost any of my works on any other social media platforms.

#[ ✎ ] — masterlist! #enhypen hard hours #jake smut #enhypen smut

[absolute-filth-factory]

I was already excited for the 23-24 season for the hawks and all of the new prospects coming up through the system, but the new every shift episode just made me more excited. I was originally kind of skeptical about the whole "taking dev camp off-ice" thing, but now I'm really glad they did it, for a lot of reasons.

Management actually gives a shit about the players!! I know that's like, basic human curtesy, but knowing a huge reason that Kyle Beach went through what he did was because management did not give a single shit about the players and only cared about the cup, it's a huge relief to see Davidson and Richardson being really supportive of the players and making decisions based on what's best for them, not just the hawks overall.

A big purpose of this camp was to allow the prospects to develop off-ice and get to see the city that they're (probably) going to be playing in within a couple years. I mean, they went to a Cubs game, took a boat tour on the Chicago river, took a cooking class, played floor hockey with a local boys and girls club, went to Second City (comedy club), and probably some other stuff I'm forgetting. Management isn't hanging them out to dry in that respect, and I am very glad for that.

Player interactions!! The episode was great in that it showed off so much personality, and it didn't just focus on the first-round draft picks, although of course they did get a bit more attention. We got to see a ton of different players doing things and interacting with one another, and it seems like the goal of team bonding was achieved. As Nazar said in the episode, you've got guys from America, Canada, overseas, and it's good that they're able to talk to each other and develop the kind of relationships and camaraderie that's necessary for a winning team (and also just really fun to watch). Sure, some of the players might have been up against each other in their league or in a tournament or maybe have been on the same team, but that's not really conducive to building team chemistry anyways.

Another two big reasons why they took the camp off-ice this year was to avoid causing or exacerbating injuries and to remove the stress of trying to perform well in a short period of time in front of management. I mean, these guys have already been playing hockey for a really long time, and scouts have already been watching and evaluating them, so why have them play high-stress, mostly meaningless hockey and put them at risk of somehow getting injured or making something worse. Yeah, you probably don't run into that many new injuries at dev camp (except for that kid up in Toronto who got a concussion the other day), but if players are trying to prove something to management, they're gonna be a lot more likely to play through something they should probably be leaving alone. It just seems like a better solution to me, and they're still going to be getting ice time in training camp in September.

Even though the camp was off-ice, the players were still doing a ton of conditioning. They boxed, did regular weight room stuff, probably some other things, and they took a class with Oduya on breathing techniques that can be used in a number of different ways. Richardson was directly involved in the boxing, too, which is great for a number of reasons, especially to help player-coach interactions.

Davidson seems to have a huge focus on culture and character, both in determining who he picks and how the players are expected to conduct themselves. There was a session on inclusion, from what I remember, and at the end of the episode, Davidson specifically brings up Moore talking about how the way Bedard carries himself has already affected him and the way he does things. That kind of thing is huge on any team, but I think it really shows that the hawks under Davidson are trying to create a good environment to play hockey and just be a team in, and it makes me really excited for the future of this team.

#chicago blackhawks #connor bedard #oliver moore #frank nazar #nhl 23-24 #chicago blackhawks dev camp #kyle davidson #luke richardson #nhl blackhawks

[bookwyrminspiration]

genuine question how are you so comfortable giving long answers to things? I said something like “I am tormented by thoughts” on a discord sever I’m in and someone asked to hear them so I word-vomited like four paragraphs worth of character analysis and now I want to profusely apologize to everyone ever.

if this is a weird question you don’t have to answer; you just seem very sure of yourself and I’m mildly jealous (/lh).

It's not weird at all! And hopefully I can give an answer--probably a long one--to help you not feel like profusely apologizing. Update: yep! a long one! so you get a cut to preserve dash space :)

I'm thinking about this in the context of asks, but it applies to other things as well. The origin for me giving long answers was, in part, because I'm naturally a verbose writer. I fumble and forget things orally, but when I write things down that's when I can really organize myself and communicate most authentically. And I have a lot of thoughts and questions about things, so me giving longer, thought out responses to things is my actual reaction. That's part of it

The other origin was that, for me, sending asks is a really stressful thing! So when I sent asks, I always noticed that I was more excited to do so when I received a more substantial response. It was more rewarding to me, the anxiety worth it when I saw the evidence that what i'd done had prompted thought and effort from someone else.

So that's another big part of why I do things the way I do! Someone put in effort to share a thought, trouble, or something else with me. I want to respect that effort and give them something in return for doing so. To be clear this is not like a "they did this and now I owe them :/" it's like a "i want to show I care about them and their effort, and I can do that with my response! be thorough with their ideas!" I don't want anyone to feel like I'm brushing them off or feel inconvenienced by them, so I give that substance to try and show that I take them seriously and evaluate their words

(note: this is not to say that short responses are bad and inconsiderate. if you do those/like those, that's fine! great! they're just not for me most of the time)

It also helps to remember that since this is all written down (as you're talking about a discord server) people can pick and choose to engage. I'm not taking anyone's time who doesn't freely give it. People can ignore and skim through my posts and read only what they want to. I use readmore's and tag things for convenience, and that way I'm not being obtrusive (or at least minimize it, but people can let me know if I'm being obnoxious and I can adjust my approach!) The worst thing that happens is I forget to tag a particularly long post and people spend an extra second scrolling past.

But you're correct, my verbose nature is something I'm very sure of! It's a trait people recognize me by and can come to associate with me, and it's a genuine part of who I am. I write a lot. I sometimes explain things too much because I'm not sure I'm getting my point across. It's less about the long posts and more about being comfortable with things about me that aren't sanitized and dulled down to be more enjoyable to others.

Sure, if I wrote shorter posts they'd take up less space and be easier to read through. And sometimes I do make shorter posts and responses! But if I stopped doing so because I was worried about bothering people, I'd be denying a big part of who I am. I talk in writing a lot! that's me! I don't want to ignore me and I have things to say, so I say them. If I get distracted from the point people can redirect me and I'll start talking in a new direction, but it's still me

I think that's my attitude and thoughts around long responses. I deserve to indulge and express myself, and doing so like this doesn't harm anyone. It at the very worst briefly inconveniences people, and there are ways to minimize that. So my self-expression of my natural tendencies is more important to me and more genuine, so that's what I prioritize.

As for being comfortable doing it, it's a matter of just doing it and practicing. I felt bad about it at first, but not bad enough to stop. I'd make comments about how I'd drag and drone, but as I answered more and more things with long responses, as it came to be something people know me for, I stopped worrying about it more because it became normal to me and everyone around me

I have long responses. People know that now. They know if they want someone to really think and explore something, I'll do it! They know I'll fact check and quote things and be enthusiastic about practically everything. It's me! And I like me, so I want to keep doing that. i want to keep taking up space!

it definitely isn't effortless at first. If you go back through my blog you'll see differences in how I word things as I adjusted to match other people I interacted with at the time, but as I let myself develop that presence and do things more authentic to me, I grew to where I am now. And I will continue to grow and change!

But yeah. I have a lot to say and I want to say it! So I do! People can choose to engage or not, but I'd rather be authentic to myself than try to accommodate others when really I'm not harming anyone.

that got longer than I was expected but my advice is to keep taking up space and talking how you want to without apologizing. even when you want to. sit with the discomfort and evaluate things and you'll get used to it, and then it won't be uncomfortable anymore and you'll be able to talk how much you want to freely!

I hope some of this answers your question or helps <33

#quil's queries #solreefs #sending asks for me is really nerve wracking #so I want to recognize people who go through that effort! #and the way I do that is with my long responses and showing Im' paying attention to what they have to say #that's really the origin #that and practically always having a lot to say #i'm repeating myself at this point but those are the key things my responses came from #I don't know how much of this can or will be useful to you. but you asked so! big response!

[sensualcoder-dev]

Project Updates - 10/7/23

It seems like every time I make progress on something and put it out there for people to see, my motivation to continue just tanks and I forget to work on it for a while 😅 (Plus day job stress and other general life things working against me too lol) That said! I have been doing a bit of rework on my libtcob tutorials following some good feedback from the r/roguelikedev Sharing Saturday thread I posted in a few months ago. I worked on getting the project to build using vcpkg on Linux and Windows, which actually wasn't too difficult to get set up. Originally I wanted to stay away from using package managers and really any other libraries and things besides what was absolutely necessary for getting the tutorials up and running, but my system wasn't exactly the most straightforward either, so I think the vcpkg solution works. I also updated the code to use the newer libtcod system of contexts for rendering, which was also fairly simple to implement. Now I just need to rework the tutorial text, hopefully I can find time to work on that this weekend!

Additionally, I messed around some with Ogre3D the last couple days and got a minimal setup running to evaluate using it for OpenHomeworld. Initially I thought about using a more bare-bones setup and building it out from scratch for a more bespoke engine using something like raylib, but I think getting something running first with a robust and full-featured library like Ogre is probably a better way to go about things. If I can keep the code modular enough, I can always go back and start replacing the Ogre code if needed, but I think that Ogre will end up being the main rendering framework that the project will use anyway. No need to reinvent the wheel and all.

Speaking of bespoke systems and raylib, I am tinkering around with a little project that's been in my mind for a little while, a little RPG project based on some mostly obscure JRPGs. At this point I'm not sure if I want to take the time building a full game engine from scratch or if I should learn Godot instead. Maybe I can do a small scale implementation in libtcod even, and then port some of it to Godot. Lots of options here, but mostly still in the basic design stage.

All in all, I have a lot of ideas for things and finally have energy and motivation to try to work on them! :) It's an exciting time, and I hope that I can continue to make updates like these, too!

#sc dev #libtcod tutorials #openhomeworld #programming

[squirrel-the-adhd-mom]

Chapter four- Baby Bunnies

9/29/2022

I have rabbits, hair band bunnies. 2 females, TommiLee and Cruë, one male, Sixx. A while ago I woke up to two deceased babies. I didn’t know they were pregnant. So I separated them thinking okay they both are and Tommi will be having hers any day. Never happened. So I thought she wasn’t pregnant. I put her back in with Sixx to try again. I thought if she was pregnant again I had 30 days to prepare persay. Well I was wrong. She was pregnant in the first place and this morning I woke up to three babies this morning. 2 deceased one still alive. Panic I have no idea what to do! Well luckily my cousin does. So for now, I can adjust the nest box when I get home I have a baby bunny between my boobs to stay warm.

A day from hell. It started off not the greatest I’m sure from the paragraph about you could’ve guessed. When I got to work I got news that made my stomach turn. Which results in me getting to drive the BIG truck for the foreseeable future, which I will not complaint about. Although I’d rather be in the ford if it meant something different. Loading my truck took forever. Didn’t get out of the yard till 230pm barf.

I got home about 9. Insert eye roll here. I am exhausted. My booby buddy is still kicking strong. Wiggly little rugrat that’s for sure. I didn’t realize how fast a blind (eyes are still closed) can move around. Quick little thing.

I got to my location and I was nervous, felt like there was no way in hell I was going to be able to get into my spot. Over thirteen feet wide and 70’ tip to tail, and my location was on the backside of a cul-de-sac. I had to back up a couple city blocks into a 45 degree corner, down another couple city blocks to the drop spot. And I did it with minimal stress and rearranging. Success. Fulfillment. Confidence boost. I AM A BADASS! This is what some would call danger play. No this does not mean playing chicken in the middle of the road. This is when you find a way to cue the dopamine and/or adrenaline in your brain that you know you can be successful at but is still a taunting or scary act. For me the is backing into or through tough situations. When I am successful it makes me feel accomplished, but when I am not on this first try I feel defeated and like I suck at my job. Every other part of my shitty day vanished into a lost memory when I completed this task. Did I mention, I AM A BADASS? Don’t care I did again.

Being forgetful can be a blessing and a curse. Curse because I forget important things. Like scanning and sending Theos evaluation papers to his therapist. I’ll do it in the morning already set my alarm so I DONT forget. Wanna take bets on if I still do? I’m going to bet for myself because I’m feeling confident. Blessing because after having a really shitty big portion of the day is simply gone because the amount of dopamine that coursed through me by successfully getting this load in kicked it to the curb. Take notes because all though a blessing it can some times turn quite badly. Because when that impulsive issues comes into play while I am experiencing a dopamine high usually means consequences. Not today satin, not today.

I have to make quite the trip tomorrow. So sorry this chapter is kinda short. Everyone ultimately seemed to have a good day. So I am going to sign off for today. Sleep sweet!

#adhd brain #adult adhd #living with adhd #mom life #wyoming

[raggaraddy]

Sugar Daddy turned sour

Request: Hi!!!! read all of ur works its all amazing cant believe ur new.. can i request for a yan sugar daddy taehyung x reader x yan sugar daddy jungkook. they found out that that y/n have 2 sugar daddies and they lost their sanity(as if they even have that)...Thank u and YOU GOOD,KEEP GOING💜💞💞💞💞😘😁

A/N: I don't know how to post a reply to a personal message yet because I am new and Tumblr deficient 😅 But I hope you like the scenario ^-^ thanks for the request 💜

Here for Part 2

Summary: Juggling two guys and getting everything you want from them has always been easy for you, and Taehyung and Jungkook are no exception. Or so you thought.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of non-con, assault, cheating, violence.

Yandere! Taehyung

Yandere! Jungkook

Sunday.  Taehyungs day.  

You open your webcam, checking your eyeliner quickly in the startup view as you wait for the Tae to pick up on the other side. He pops up quickly a beaming smile filling his face.  

“Y/n! Baby, I’ve missed you.” He’s radiant. As happy and as bubbly he always is. 

You go along listening to him excitedly run through his past few days, telling you everything in excruciating detail as he jumps from one half-finished thought to another. He may be an adult but he certainly has a young soul. The whole while you feign attention, your fingers continually fidgeting with the diamond necklace or the matching bracelet he had sent you a few weeks back.

“How was your weekend?”  He finally gets around to asking. 

“Not so good. I always have to work so much," You complain, batting your eyes at the camera.  

“You could always quit and come live with me.” He jokes-but not really. It’s a topic he has raised 3 times already.  And you have the same answer ready as always. 

“Daddy, you know I’m a strong and independent woman. I could never let someone else pay for me.” You pout, running your tongue over your lower lip while pushing your chest up a little to draw attention.  “It’s just my rent is so expensive. I feel like I work just to pay the bills.” 

In truth, your rent is already being covered by someone else.  But he doesn’t need to know that. 

While you continue to run through the fabricated details of your weekend, Taehyung is distracted, looking down at his phone.  You know what's happening. It’s like a game. And you’re winning. Your banking app sends a notification, letting you know that K. Taehyung has just sent you a payment. 

You open it up. Yep. That's rent for the month.  Or more, money for that new TV you wanted.  

“Oh! Daddy, noo.” You whine down the camera. “You can’t.  I am okay. Really. Please don’t spend your money on me.” You frown if only to stop the smile that is fighting to fill your face. 

“I want to baby. I have the money, and I just want you to be happy. Don’t stress about bills okay. I’m here.” 

Sometimes, it’s almost too easy.  

“Okay Daddy, if you insist.”

Tuesday.  Jungkooks day.  

With Jungkook it’s a much more straightforward transaction.  He has said he wants to pay for you and he hates the back and forth pretences.  He just wants you to say thank you, smile pretty, and give him all your attention.  

“Do you need anything more for the week?” He asks through the camera.

“No Daddy, you take such good care of me. Thank you.” You smile. 

“You still have the weekend of the 14th off?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively.  Off-screen you quickly scan through your calendar.  

14th, 15th and 16th: Jk weekend.  

Hmm, that came up quicker than you expected. You try to keep your booty calls with them as far apart as possible. 

“Of course, I’m so excited! I haven’t seen you in weeks.” You say, it been less than 100% truthful.

“Months.” He corrects with a surreptitious undertone.  

“Where are we staying this time?” 

You always insist to stay in hotels. Because ‘your apartment feels too busy and mundane, and you want the time you spend with him to be magical and undistracted’. Honestly, you just don’t want him, either of them, in your personal space. You purposefully chose boys who live a few hours away.  It’s hard enough to keep them separated in your everyday life with them being far away. It could only get messy for them to know where you live and how to reach you in person.

You’ve certainly gotten smart at this. Arranging the two men into different days of the week, scheduling them into your calendar to keep them apart and unaware of the other. Both had specifically said very early on that they do not want to share you with anyone else.  And that you were all theirs. And while both of them seemed to trust you, you knew their reactions would be unpleasant, to say the least, if they found out about the other. 

Sugar Daddies can be so possessive. 

But while both these men are very handsome, money is better and more reliable than boys. And if they are stupid enough to spend it all on you, why should you care.

The week passes quickly and it’s the 14th.  Once more you find yourself in the lobby of a 5-star hotel. Jungkook arrived in town early and sent you a message with the room number. 

Time to actually work for your money. 

You knock on the door only to find it slightly open.  Entering there is a trail of rose petals lining the floor leading into the suite. All the lights are dimmed with a warmth of candlelight filling the room. This is so typically Jungkook. Pulling out all the stops to try to impress. 

Dropping your bag at the entrance, you close the door behind you and explore inwards.  

“Daddy?” You call out in a singsong voice. Your heels clack on the tiled floor as you round the corner into the living room. Jungkook is sitting on the lounge, one leg crossed over the other, arms rested up over the back. You smile at seeing him. You always seem to forget just how stunning he is in person. 

“Which one of us are you referring to?” A deep voice startles you from behind. You jolt, spinning to see Taehyung standing behind you leaning against the wall.  

Holy fuck. 

Your mind starts to jumble through what is happening. Thinking about what it was that might have given you away. Evaluating how much they may know. And planning your next move.  

Damn it.  You doubt you’ll be able to smooth talk your way out of this with Jungkook. He’s too direct and absolute. So you’ll just have to accept that that relationship is over. However, you might be able to salvage this situation with Taehyung if you play your cards right. Being defensive should do the trick.

“What is this?” You snap, keeping focused on Taehyung. “This is such a violation of my privacy! You keep smothering me Taehyung! See this is why I tried to find someone else to hang out with.” You stomp your foot. He would always wrap around your finger so quickly with the little girl act. 

“Ha!” He blurts out a short laugh in contradiction to how you expected him to react. “Wow. No, go on. I want to see where this is going.” 

“Do you think we only just found out about each other?” Jungkook pipes up, coming from the couch. 

You sigh. You had almost saved enough for a holiday to the Maldives too. But they seem to know too much. Fine. You can burn both relationships. They were starting to get too clingy anyway.  “Whatever.” You roll your eyes. You got all you could from them. Time to move on to the next.

As you shrug them off, Taehyung steps into the path of the front door. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Both he and Jungkook start to close in tighter. There is a cold tone to his words. Something far too close to a threat for your comfort. Even in heels, both men naturally stand taller than you which usually wouldn’t bother you. But with an unsteadiness to your footing and a very short dress on, in a dark room with two men you have used and spurned, you are feeling even more vulnerable than you feel you should. 

“Move.” You order. 

A smirk on his lips, Taehyung lifts his hand up and backhands you, knocking you back a few stumbled steps. You gasp, your hand clinging to your cheek, eyes wide in shock. He starts forward, Jungkook intervening, standing between the two of you. 

You can not believe he just hit you! He has never done anything like that before.

“No, don’t do that.” He stops Taehyung as he starts to swing again.  Shaking all over, you’re relieved that one of them is seeing sense.  You take the outstretched hand of Jungkook, lip trembling from the burn on your cheek. He draws you closer and you wrap into him for protection. In the same motion, his free hand swings down punching you in the stomach, doubling you over, dropping you to the floor. “If you hit her head, she might get spaced out. I want her to feel this.”

His words send a chill down your spine. This can not be happening.

“Are you crazy!” You gape, trying to speak while gulping down air. Your head is dizzy, your lungs burning.  Kicking off your heels for better movement, you climb back up to your feet not wanting to engage either man. Eyes focused you look past Taehyung to the door, storming forward. “I’m leaving. We’ll forget all of this, okay.” You bargain through short, panicked breath. 

Taehyungs large hand slams you into the wall, pressing his palm against your shoulder. He follows Jungkooks lead, pounding his fist into your gut. And then again. And again.  His hold removes letting you free and you plummet to the ground, crying within broken huffs while cradling your battered torso. 

“You’re right. That is better.” He laughs at Jungkook. 

“Stop!” You beg, unable to raise your voice above a soft yelp. 

“What's wrong baby? You wanted two men. Now you have them.” Taehyungs bright smile returns to his face. This time with an entirely different meaning than it had ever had until it shifts into a straight, harsh look that you have never seen from him. “Didn't you always say you wished there was some way you could repay me?” 

“You said that to me too.” Jungkook joins his side, both hovering above you, trapping you between them, the wall, and the floor. 

Leaning down Jungkooks hand follows you as you squirm away from him. His fingers wrapped around your throat and lift you up, keeping you against the wall. He takes advantage of you being stuck, leaning into you pressing his lips to yours as you resist as much as you can. 

“Baby, you’re going to pay us back for every dollar we spent on you.” He snarls. 

Taehyung turns your face to him, also forcing a kiss on you. “Don’t worry, Y/n, you’ll see that we know how to share.”  

Part 2

#yandere bts #yandere jungkook #yandere taehyung #sugadaddy #cheating #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts #yandere #yandere bangtan #taekook #bts reactions #bangtan reactions #jungkook #taehyung

[driedmarigolds]

Gladiolus Pt. 2

This is part 2 to the Gladiolus fic!!!! I hope yall enjoy!!!!! part one Link to the fic on ao3 Pairing: MC x Vyn Richter Series: Tears of Themis Rating: T Word Count: 1620 Chapters: 2/2

Rosa startled awake, some hours after she had unexpectedly dozed. Her surroundings didn’t make much sense, she never made it a habit of falling asleep in the kitchen. Stealing a glance at the clock, 6pm. She shot right out of her seat, slightly panicked—Dr. Richter’s coat sliding right onto the floor. ‘That means….3 hours….’ Again, she realized she also had company over—company she immediately fell asleep on. Something that was outside of her realm of normal; usually she could carry tired decently well, not this time apparently. The thought was almost mortifying.

She was already reaching for her phone, a million apologies circulating her mind when she heard a cough from the living room space behind her, which was quickly followed by an announcement that Dr. Richter was in fact still here, three hours after she had so rudely passed out on him. At least it saved time on apologies.

Turning, she saw that he was sitting in the armchair, quietly reading a book as if this was a perfectly fine way to spend the afternoon. Dr. Richter was smiling at her, brow furrowed in mild concern. “Dr. Richter, I’m very sorry to have fallen asleep for so long. That wasn’t very kind of me.” Itwas a sincere apology, which earned a soft sigh and a chuckle. That really only added to her burning embarrassment, she didn’t want him to think less of her and surely now he must.

“There is nothing for you to apologize for, Rosa.” Marking his page carefully, he closed the book setting it off to the side before standing. “There is nothing wrong with sleeping when you are in need of sleep.” He sounded as sincere as possible as he walked over to her side, leaning down to pick up his coat from the floor. “I am glad you feel relaxed enough to fall asleep with me in your home.” His hand rested on her upper back between her shoulder blades. It was meant to soothe, and it seemed it had worked as her shoulders relaxed, and the corners of her lips turned up into a small smiled.

“Thank you for being so understanding Dr. Richter.” Rosa couldn’t name a more understanding person in her life, which was saying a lot because most of her acquaintances and close friends were endlessly patient—and still, somehow Dr. Richter exceeded far beyond the rest of them. “Hopefully I can still sleep tonight though, it was kind of a long nap wasn’t it.” She laughed softly, before sitting back down at the counter, sliding her notes closer—every intention to continue working. Of course, Dr. Richter didn’t agreed which was made clear when he carefully slid the notes right past her and onto his other side, out of her reach.

“First, let us eat dinner, then you can pour over your notes again if you wish too.” It was a reasonable request on his part, she really did need to eat; but another part of him buried under all of the niceties wanted her attention on him solely even if only for a moment. “Is that agreeable?” His hand that had been resting on Rosa’s back dropped down to his side, as she nodded her agreement.

------

It was some off hours after they had dinner, her notes mostly forgotten on the counter as they shared some wine he had found deep in her refrigerator in the Living room. It wasn’t a type he would normally pay any attention too, especially not since he occasionally made his own as a hobby; but it would have to do for after dinner talks. At least she was distracted enough to take a break, and that’s all he could even ask for.

Rosa was talking animatedly about a story involving Celestine, Artem and a missing file that wasn’t important. It was a funny story, but Dr. Richter wasn’t overly interested in the content—not that he minded, he was more interested in the way she moved and spoke about the incident. Much more lively than the previously stressed Woman he had come to visit. There was nothing he treasured more than a lively Rosa. “So Kiki had the file?” Dr. Richter laughed as he asked follow up questions; but his mind was turning over different questions—ones he wouldn’t say out loud. ‘Does she ever talk about me in such a lively manner?’ He was trying to picture it. If she had, what would they all think. Did he occasionally cross her mind when she was at work? Of course he had, she had messaged him before—but to what degree. Sincerely, he wanted to know the contents of her brilliant mind.

“Yes, it somehow ended up under a signed photo-book. No one is sure how that could happen, but at least we got the file back.” She took a sip of the red wine, looking over the rim at Dr. Richter, the setting sun reflecting in his hair through the window. “We stopped letting her take things home from the office for a bit after that, but she’s not usually disorganized so that only lasted all of three days. She’s very reliable.” Rosa felt the need to defend Kiki’s honor in part—she didn’t want to make her look like a bad employee to Dr. Richter, it was just something to talk about. Setting her glass down, she fell into a comfortable silence next to him.

Vyn never really took his eyes off of her, admiring every movement, even daring to reach out to brush some loose hairs behind her ear which caused her some amount of surprise before she smiled at him. In a way, he could usually guess what emotion she was feeling, it was in his general job description; but he couldn’t ever know for certain what sure was specifically thinking in moments like this. He wanted to know her thoughts dearly, even if she was open. He wanted to know what was in her heart – or perhaps...whom. “Did you still want me to be an extra set of ears for your thoughts on the case?” He inquired, setting his empty glass on the coffee table.

“Hm?” Rosa watched him in equal admiration, wanting to know what he was thinking. “No, I think you’re right Dr. Richter—maybe I should stop for tonight and look at it with fresh eyes tomorrow. If I need help I can always call!” TO be honest, this was the sort of rest she needed; her head was already clearing, she already felt less depressed than she had previously, and sure was sure tomorrow she could push through better. “Besides, it’s getting late.” Not that she wanted him to leave, but.. “You should probably get back before it’s too dark outside.” Standing, she picked up their empty glasses before returning them to the kitchen.

“I suppose you are correct, I am glad that you are taking the rest of the night off.” He hated to leave, hated to go to his own home when he could spend more time in her company, but he also knew she really was correct. He was in this sort of stand still with his own emotions, so there was no reason to stay least either of them read into it to hard—derailing his own personal course of action. “It was lovely to visit with you, and I hope to spend more time together in the near future; perhaps, when this case is over we can celebrate together?” Already, his mind was coming up with celebration plans as he put on his coat and headed to the door.

“Oh, I would like that!” She followed him over to send him off. “Yes, when I’m done you will be the first to know—besides work of course.” Rosa hovered at the open door looking at him in the hall, her expression hinting that there was more she wanted to say but couldn’t find the words for it.

Dr. Richter had a hunch what she wanted to say, his head bowing politely. “Do not worry, I will message you when I arrive home to let you know that I am safe.” Always concerned for him. He was pleased. “And if you are to forget the Gladiolus again, do not fret I will simply bring you more the next time I visit.” His hand gently patted her head, before he turned to walk away. He could hear her mutter her bye, which he acknowledge with a wave before turning out of her sights.

-----

Visits with her were always interesting, even if nothing special happened. Vyn had arrived home an hour or more ago and had already messaged her his status of safety before recording his own evaluation—which had once again changed every so slightly since he met her. He looked at his own vase of Gladiolus that carefully complimented the ones he had brought her from his garden, his mind wandering back to how animated she was telling that story, and how peaceful she looked as she dozed on the counter. Had she not lived in a loft, he would have carefully carried her to bed; but alas it hadn’t worked that way, but it didn’t matter—he never imaged how hard his chest would squeeze seeing her look so carefree. Something he would imprint into his memory, following the thread further.

With a soft shake of his head, he opened up the search engine, looking for lovely restaurants he could take her to once the Trial was over. All he wanted was to choose the one that would make her happiest. It wasn’t much, but he would give it all of his effort.

#tears of themis #tears of themis fic #vyn x mc #vyn richter #mo yi #my writing

[waywardwrestlewritingwaif]

A Fine Line

I've really enjoyed Sami Zayn's paranoid, obsessive belief that there is some sort of WWE conspiracy against him. I'm also kind of persuaded that the company has exhibited a prejudice against him for no reason. So that's where this story comes from.

Pairing: Sami Zayn x OFC

Word count: 2,972

Content advisory: smut and a major dereliction of duty by a professional in a position of power

You’ve come to dread visiting this place. It’s not that the neighborhood is so bad, although you always make sure to park your car in the monitored lot rather than on the street, even though it means you have to walk a couple of blocks. You’ve been in worse places.

But it’s started getting to you, these regular appointments that seem to be getting more and more alarming. He’s not well. It’s not your fault and it’s not really your business. You’re just the Health and Safety officer who’s been assigned to meet with him while he’s experiencing what the company calls a “stressful episode”. You’re just there to determine if he’s healthy enough, mentally and physically, to fight every week and to recommend a medical course of action if you think he’s slipping. Lately, though, you get the feeling that everything that you report is getting distilled down to one word: yes. Yes, he’s fit to work, because he understands who he is, what the job entails, and how to do all the moves he needs to so that no one gets hurt. The fact that for the last three weeks you’ve been saying that he needs a break to stave off any problems in the future seems not to have registered with anyone. So every time you come back here and talk about his health, you feel like you’re failing him. Worse, it feels like you’re being dishonest with him.

You step onto the landing at the back of the house where he rents his tiny apartment. He could afford better but, as he’s told you, he likes it here. He needs his money for other things. What things? He doesn’t like to specify. But he’s certain that there’s a time coming when he won’t be earning what he is now, when he doesn’t think he’ll be able to do this kind of work anywhere.

As usual, you knock twice in quick succession and then twice slowly. Yes, you have a secret knock to gain admittance to the home of the man who is officially fine to risk his life and the lives of others in a wrestling ring.

“Come in,” comes the answer from inside.

You squint as you enter the darkened apartment. All the blinds are pulled down and he’s even pushed towels along the window sills so that no light leaks through the bottom. You can make out his figure sitting cross-legged on the floor but that’s about it.

“Lock it behind you, please,” he says, his tone as polite as ever but firm.

You do as he wishes, engaging both locks before turning back to look at him. He reaches over and turns on a lamp that’s sitting near him. It’s not a lot of light but it allows you to see that he looks more or less the same, no visible signs of self-harm or weight loss. His eyes shift rapidly over you, around the room, towards the door, all over the place. They’re feverishly bright, which is never a good sign. Despite his yoga-like pose, he shows little signs of agitation: his fingers tap ceaselessly on his knee, he chews a little on his lip, and he blinks a lot.

There’s a thick, musky aroma to the place, not exactly unpleasant but animalistic, not something that belongs in an urban apartment.

“Hi Sami,” you say, sitting down on the small, uncomfortable sofa in front of him. You place your handbag on the floor and keep your hands flat on your knees where he can see them. You’re not hiding anything.

“Hello.”

“How are you feeling today?”

“I feel wonderful.”

“That’s good.”

He nods vigorously. “I feel like I’m finally putting everything together.”

“How do you mean?” You hate it when he’s like this. On a selfish level, it means that he’s probably going to talk at you for three hours about the conspiracies against him and the enemies he’s made, and you’ll end up stuck in your office until eight or later parsing through your notes, trying to figure out what’s germane to an evaluation of his health.

“Did you see my match?”

“I saw some of it,” you answer guiltily. Wrestling is not your thing and you shouldn’t need to watch the product, which is fictional, in order to understand the very real health of your clients. But with Sami, it’s different. The divide between real and imaginary is fuzzy in his head and that makes it as real as the furniture in this room as far as his mental health is concerned.

“It looked really good.” You try to sound enthusiastic.

“I lost,” he grumbles.

“I know. Has that been hard on you?”

“It’s what I expected. That’s what the people want.”

“What people?”

“The people! The fans. The ‘WWE Universe.’” He waves his hands and smirks as he says those last two words and you do have to admit that it sounds pretty dumb. He sees your lips twitch in amusement and smiles. “All those weird little faces on screens.”

“They weren’t faces on screens last week, though.”

“No, they were real. Or what passes for real.”

“You don’t think those were real people watching you?”

“They were the chosen ones. The ones that the people in charge wanted to be there. It’s not like it used to be. It’s all controlled. Only people they’re certain about get to see what’s going on. You see what they want you to see.”

He’s getting irritable, you can tell, something which always makes you nervous. He’s never gotten violent or threatening with you, not even close. He’s raised his voice and paced around and that’s been stressful enough. He’s not huge like some of the guys he works with but he’s strong and when he gets upset you can see the muscles beneath his skin. If he turned on you, you wouldn’t be able to defend yourself.

What’s truly horrible is that whenever he does start to get riled up, there’s a part of you that feels a little excited by it. It’s the worst thing that you could be thinking about a client, the most hideous betrayal of your ethics. But there’s something about him, all that energy and intelligence, misdirected though it may be.

“That’s what entertainment is, though,” you counter. “The people producing it always control what the audience sees.”

“Entertainment,” he hisses.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that in an insulting way. I know you’re an athlete.”

“No, I am an entertainer. I’m both. But when they say it they mean I’m there for their entertainment. They mean that I’m to do what they tell me. I did this for years and I could come up with my own stories and use my own ideas. I can’t do that anymore. They won’t let me. They’re scared of what I’d do.”

“Has anyone said that to you?”

He laughs mirthlessly. “No one says that to you. No one says anything real, ever. It’s all ‘we think you should do it this way’ or ‘we think this is a good plan for you’. No one tells you what they’re actually thinking. You have to dig it out, you have to look for it behind what they say and then you discover what it is they’re really up to.”

“And what is it that they’re up to as far as you’re concerned?”

He glares at you and leans back a little.

“Why don’t you tell me? You’re the one they’re paying to interrogate me every week.”

“You think this is an interrogation?”

“Isn’t it?”

It’s obvious that this is devolving into childishness. Every time you’re here, it happens at least once but it usually takes you longer to trip up and give him a reason to shut you out.

“I’m sorry, Sami. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was… I want you to be able to trust me, to feel like you can talk to me. Yes, I work for the company but my job, what I trained to do, is keeping people healthy. That’s all I ever wanted to do. Do you believe me?”

“It’s a nice thought. You seem nice.”

You smile, projecting all the warmth and kindness you can muster.

His expression grows suspicious again. “But it’s still them sending you here. Maybe they don’t tell you what to say or what information you’re supposed to be getting from me. Maybe they just figure that they can send this sexy woman over to act like my friend and I’ll forget about everything they’re trying to do to me.”

“I’m not here to be your friend, Sami. I’m here to see if I can help you, professionally. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pretending to be something I’m not.” After a moment’s reflection, you add, “Thank you for the compliment, though.”

He chuckles a little. “Are you allowed to think that?”

“You mean, am I allowed to be complimented that I like hearing you say I’m sexy? I don’t know. But you know I’m flattered by it.”

He can’t deny that. He knows full well that you’ve developed a crush on him. He can see it in the way that you blush when he says nice things about you, and how happy you look when he opens up to you a little. It’s uncomfortable that he knows the power he has over you but it’s also helpful because he talks to you more easily than he would to others. He likes knowing that you’re a bit soft on him.

He leans back, propping himself on his elbows so that his shirt falls away from his chest. You’re used to him appearing with his shirt undone so that you can see a bit of his torso, but this is more of a display than you’re used to. You demurely cross your legs at the ankles and focus on meeting his restless eyes.

“What do they tell you to get from me when you come here?”

“They don’t tell me anything,” you insist. “I’m supposed to come here and determine if you’re able to fight or if you need to have some sort of therapy.”

“You mean like electroshock therapy,” he grunts.

“No, there are lots of different things I’d recommend before that. For instance, like I keep telling you, I wish you’d consider medication to help cope with this paranoia you feel about the company and what they have in mind for you.”

“Paranoia?” he snorts. “What does that mean again?”

“It means you have an unreasonable fear or anxiety regarding something.”

“So what’s the opposite of paranoia?”

“I don’t really know what you’re asking,” you stammer. “I guess it would be not living in fear. Or recognizing a real threat and reacting to it appropriately.”

“But there isn’t a word for that, is there?” he sighs. “Paranoia is an unreasonable fear. But there isn’t a nice, concise word for a reasonable fear.”

“No,” you concede, “I suppose there isn’t.”

“So if I feel like I’m being victimized by WWE, if I feel like they’ve prevented me from rising to the top of the company, you tell me that I’m being paranoid. But there’s no word for what I think if I’m right.”

It gets to you that he’s right. Everything that you’re supposed to be talking to him about is predicated on the idea that he’s imagining things, that he’s wrong about how the company has been treating him.

“I want to help you, Sami. That’s all I want, I swear. That’s what I’m trained for.”

“You’re a very nice person,” he says with an ironic grin. “I mean, you’re the sort of person they don’t give a lot of information to.”

You want to feel insulted by that but it’s also true: you know that your bosses tell you the least they can before they send you out to meet with talent. The real decisions are made well away from you. Making him believe that you can accomplish something for him involves having to convince him that you have some power, but you’re not sure you’re in any position to do that.

Sami leans forward, amber eyes fixed on yours, and places his hands on your knees.

“What do they tell you to do with me?”

“They don’t tell me anything. They just tell me to talk to you. And you shouldn’t be doing that.”

As you’ve spoken, Sami has pushed your legs apart and has started planting kisses along your thighs. He looks up at you with a petulant expression before pushing his face deeper, breathing hot and quick against your panties, licking at them until they’re as wet on the outside as they are on the inside.

Sami, we can’t be doing this,” you pant, crying out as he sucks against the fabric hard, making your clit quiver.

“Why not?” he hums. “You want it. I want it.”

He presses two fingers roughly inside you, stroking that spot inside you that makes you scream and thrash against him, seeking release. Even with your panties still on, just feeling him lick and suck at you through the cotton barrier, you come with a force you can’t remember experiencing ever. He keeps pumping his fingers in and out of your pussy as you continue to spasm around him, trembling for long minutes until you’re too overwhelmed and have to shove his hand away because you’re so sensitive that any contact hurts.

“Think about it,” he whispers, pulling himself on top of you, “They send you here to look at me and make sure that I’m good enough to fight, to make money for them. They send you in here with the idea in your head that I’m being irrational, that I’m imagining things.”

He grips your face in his hands, staring into your eyes as he pulls your panties away and thrusts his cock into you. It’s true what he says, you think as he starts to move, although all thought is quickly supplanted by pleasure, by the feeling of him stroking at your g-spot and grunting softly as he fucks you. You simply lock eyes with him and let yourself be overwhelmed by their earnestness and honesty. No one at your job as ever looked as convinced of anything as he does staring into you as you both come together, yelping and gasping, then shaking and clinging to each other as you come down from your highs.

“Do they listen to anything you tell them about me?” he murmurs, gathering you close to him and caressing your face.

You tilt your head back, moaning a little and exposing your throat to him, an invitation he accepts, sucking hard at the flesh. It’s true that no one pays attention to what you say, least of all about him. And it’s true that there does seem to be some sort of weird block they have against pushing Sami and some others to the heights they deserve. You aren’t ready to tell him that but the look in his eyes when he meets your gaze tells you that he doesn’t have any doubt what you’re thinking.

“What else do you have on your schedule this afternoon?” he whispers.

“You’re my only plan.”

“So spend some time with me.” He pushes his head against yours, thrusting his tongue into your mouth so quickly it takes you a second to adjust and respond, passionately kissing him back, whimpering and moaning to let him know how much you’re enjoying it.

“I’m really not supposed to do this,” you gasp.

“I know there’s a part of you that believes me,” he pants, letting his detumescent prick slide out of your body. “I can tell you don’t think I’m crazy because I think they’re trying to keep me down. Whatever they sent you here to do, I know that all you want is to end up with what’s right. So I say, this is right. Let’s do what we really want and figure other stuff out later.”

“I don’t know. This is a pretty huge breach of conduct for me. Even if I do think you might be onto something.”

He draws a finger lightly along the edge of your bottom lip.

“If you think I’m onto something, maybe you should stay and figure out if you think I’m worth believing.”

Hours later, you’re in his bed, gripping the sheets with all your might. He’s kneeling, hands dug into your hips so hard that you know there will be bruises before he even lets go. He’s pounding into you with the force of a jackhammer, lifting you so that every movement strokes your g-spot until you convulse around him, screaming his name, your orgasm triggering his own.

You can’t remember how many rounds you’ve had. Your body is like one giant pulsing nerve, quivering uncontrollably as he pulls out of you while pressing his thumb firmly against your clit.

“So do you still think I’m crazy?”

You no longer know what you should think of him. Whatever he’s done, you’ve done far worse. So are you even in a position to judge him? Thinking about what your superiors take from your reports, is there any reason to believe that they have a better grip on the situation than he does?

“I think you’re pretty stressed,” you murmur, pulling him close so that you can nuzzle your face against his. “I think that both of us could do with a break from this company.”

The two of you kiss again, passionately, excitedly, gripping each other as if you were the only stable things in the universe.

Professionally, you’ve done something unforgivable. But perhaps it’s something that will be understandable in the long term. Perhaps you’ve chosen to be on the right side.

#sami zayn #wrestling imagine #wwe imagine #wwe fanfiction #wayward wrestle writing

[free--therapy]

Overcoming Guilt & Shame

It's important to note that by overcoming shame and guilt, it doesn't mean that we are letting ourselves get away with something that we truly know and believe to be wrong. The point of overcoming it is making sure that we take accountability, responsibility, and coming to terms with what made us feel this way in the first place. There are 5 steps we can take to help us overcome our shame and guilt: assessing the severity of our actions, weighing our personal accountability, atoning for any harm we caused, breaking the silence of our incurred shame, and finally self-forgiveness.

It's suggested that only 1 or 2 of these steps are necessary in helping us overcome guilt, however when it comes to dealing with shame, it's best to try all 5 steps:

1. Assessing the Severity of Our Actions

It doesn't matter how big or small the action is that we feel bad about, we can still feel guilty regardless. It could be as simple as ignoring your mother's phone call to answer your best friend's call, or calling in sick to work when you don't feel like going in, and so on. Our evaluation of how serious our actions or thoughts are depends on our values and rules that we create for ourselves. It'll always be subjective and what we may feel guilty about, another person won't feel guilty in the same situation. If we often feeling guilty or ashamed, it means that we are either living our lives in a way that ends up defying and violating our own values and principles, or we may be judging ourselves too seriously on things that aren't as serious as we may believe. How can we assess how serious our actions are? Consider the following:

Do other people think this is as serious as I do? How come?

Would there be anyone else consider it less serious? How come?

How serious would I consider this to be if my friend did it instead of myself?

How important will this situation seem in a month from now? 1 year? 5 years?

Would I consider it to be serious if someone did the same thing to me?

Was I aware of the consequences or meaning of my actions/thoughts? Based on that, are my current judgments applicable?

Did I cause any damage? If I did, can I still make things right? If yes, how long would it take to do so?

Is there a more worse action I could have taken and didn't?

2. Weighing Personal Accountability

Weighing how much of what we have done and our perception of the wrongdoing is up to us now to take care of. To do this, we must evaluate the situation we're feeling guilt or shame about by starting to consider everyone and every aspect involved in the situation, including ourselves. "Aspects" or factors can be something like alcohol being involved, owing someone money/debt, the time of day (late at night where people are tired), or knowing that the certain people involved in our situation may have experienced abuse in their life as well. Anything that may have relative responsibility to the situation. Create a list, whether on paper or in the mind, and assign values to how big of a responsibility they may have in the particular situation.

Example: Having an angry outburst at a spouse for complaining about not paying bills on time. People responsible for my angry outburst: - myself: 60% - looming debts: 20% - spouse: 12% - 11pm at night: 8%

Compiling a list like this won't entirely help to eliminate guilt however, because there are situations where we should still feel guilty for doing something wrong. That guilt will help us to make amendments and atone for what we have done, but we can manage it in a way where it becomes something productive as opposed to it being another thing we turn on ourselves as a way to self-sabotage (shame). Making these sorts of lists will help us to realize that not everything is entirely our fault in situations where we feel guilty, which can help us feel a lot less guilty at the end of the day.

3. Atoning for Harm We Caused

When we're feeling guilt as a result for causing harm to others, it's important that we make sure we make amends for what we have done. Doing so can have a very important impact in healing ourselves and the relationship(s) we may have ruined. Atoning for our actions involves recognizing what we did and having the courage to face the person we hurt, asking for their forgiveness, and figuring out what we can do to make things right.

Here are some questions we can consider when trying to figure out how we can atone for what we have done:

Who did I hurt?

What did I do that was hurtful?

This is why it was wrong (the values I violated):

This is what I can do to make amends:

This is what I can tell the person I hurt: I recognize that when I (behavior/action) ____________, this hurt you. It was wrong because ___________. I'm sorry that I did that to you. What I want to do is _______ to show you how truly sorry I am. I hope that you can forgive me with time.

We have to remember that even though we may ask for forgiveness, the other person is under no obligation to grant us it and we have to be okay with that. The whole point of asking for forgiveness and trying to make amends is to help us feel better about the guilt that we have, especially when we're truly sorry.

4. Breaking the Silence of Incurred Shame/Guilt

Because shame has to do with having to keep things secretive, it helps for us to talk to someone we trust about what happened. We usually keep these things secret because we believe that if anyone ever finds out, we'll be criticized, condemned, or rejected for it. By telling someone, we may be surprised to find acceptance and this response ends up forcing ourselves to reassess the meaning of the secret that we hold onto. But how do we find someone we can trust when we have trust issues? We have to find someone that we believe we can share our secret in confidence, whether it be a friend, a coworker, or a mental health professional. Holding onto the shame will only increase the impact it has on us. More likely than not, a lot of people are more understanding that we have been led to believe. A lot of people have likely had similar experiences as us and know how to handle it, or they know people who may have been through things and have their an understanding of what we're going through. We all assume we're alone in our suffering and shame, but more likely than not, we are more alike in experiences, and even if we don't have the same experiences as other, we are eager to listen and learn, and offer advice. Not everyone is going to react the way we think.

5. Self-Forgiveness

Part of being a human is making mistakes. Perfection is merely just a concept that will never be attainable, but so many stress over to achieve. All of us at some point in our lives have done things that we told ourselves that we would never do, or violate the morals and values we hold. This is something that we all do and sometimes we may consider ourselves as "bad" people because of them, but violations don't necessarily mean that. Sometimes our actions may have been linked to a certain situation or time in our lives and can change as we progress in life.

When we come to realize this and how we are all susceptible to being imperfect, it's a lot easier to forgive others, including ourselves. Self-forgiveness will help us to alleviate a lot of our shame and guilt. It can lead us to a change in our perspective and interpretation of the mistake we made. We learn to become a lot more compassionate kind towards ourselves as we begin to understand that we may have made said mistakes during a time where we didn't care how we behaved, as opposed to believing we are "bad" people.

Self-forgiveness, just like forgiving someone else, doesn't mean that we are approving, forgetting, or even denying the pain that we have caused to other people. It involves recognizing that we are imperfect, we make mistakes, and that we can accept our shortcomings and the consequences of our actions. We have to be okay with acknowledging and recognizing that we have both good and negative qualities, and that we also have strengths and weaknesses.

Here's how we can begin to work towards self-forgiveness:

What do I need to forgive myself for?

What impact did my actions have on myself on others?

How will it continue to affect me and others?

How do I imagine my life will be better if I can forgive myself?

Forgiveness begins with understanding. What life experiences have I had that might have contributed to what I did?

What would I think about someone else who did the same thing?

What are some positive aspects about myself that I usually ignore when I'm feeling guilty or ashamed?

In a compassionate and kind voice, how can I forgive myself for what I've done?

What are some qualities that I have that can help me to move forward?

Adapted from Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger, Ph.d & Christine Padesky, Ph.d.

#guilt #shame #self-forgiveness #dealing with guilt #dealing with shame #dealing with emotions #emotions #primary emotions #emotion regulation #emotion dysregulation #overcoming guilt #overcoming shame #free therapy #mental health #mental illness #mental wellness #mood disorders #mind over mood #anxiety #depression #bpd #bipolar disorder #ocd #ptsd #trauma #you got this #you can do it #you matter #you're enough #you're worthy

[thisisthefanfic]

Ooh, could you do a Commander Fox fluff something? :0. Love that man and he deserves some love. Also, nice to meet you, Fluffy!!

Totally!! Nice to meet you too! I hope you enjoy this despite all the backstory

Cookies

Pairing: Commander Fox x reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: very brief language

Rating: PG

The Clone Wars as they had been dubbed were pretty strange for everyone, it seemed like every day there was some wild accusations flying around or a traitor or bounty hunter running free through Coruscant. You would have thought that things couldn’t be any weirder, that you would expect just about anything to happen nowadays, but here you were, dating one of the grumpiest clones you knew: Commander Fox.

Commander of the Coruscant Guard, Fox was constantly frowning under his helmet from the stress on focusing on every small detail of his job, evaluating his subordinates constantly to look for ways to make improvements on their performances, and making notes on all the insecure locations he patrolled. You had met each other just that way, you were an assistant for one of the resident senators, and after noticing that someone had broken in their office, you called the guard to evaluate the office. Fox had inspected every corner of that room, and somehow found some evidence while he made notes on security improvements, when the thief came back he captured them right in front of your eyes, letting out a deep growl of anger when the thief had tried to grab you as a hostage.

“Perhaps I should patrol here more to make sure this location is secure. I’ll do it personally, that way the rest of the guard can focus on the jail and other areas.” He’d babbled as he stalked off with the thief, glancing back at you a few times as he went.

You’d began to see each other more, and soon started dating, and despite his gruff and no-nonsense personality, he could be rather thoughtful. After the attack on the Jedi Temple, your nerves had become frayed as rumors spread on where the next attack would be, he placed two of his most trusted men to guard the senate, but especially you, he even somehow managed to leave nice sticky notes for you in your apartment, which was a bit creepy since he didn’t have your key, but sweet nonetheless.

Unfortunately, after chasing down the ARC trooper Fives, when he attempted to shoot at the rogue trooper, one of his men had panicked and pushed Fox against several crates, which caused one to land on his leg. The positive side was Fives was being sent to Kamino for some therapy after some Jedi intervention, but the negative was that now your typically grumpy boyfriend was laid up on your couch with a broken leg and an even more sour attitude.

“I hate this.” He grumbled for the tenth time that day. “Hey I’m not that annoying.” You snorted, which just earned you a raised brow and a deeper scowl.

It was actually kind of funny to see him this way, in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt instead of a full uniform, but he looked so uncomfortable on your plush couch as if it was the most uncomfortable place he’d ever been.

“Need anything?” You asked, expecting him to say no as per usual.

“Actually...” he sighed. “Yeah. Can you make me cookies?”

“What??” You almost shouted as you spun around, forgetting your dishes as you looked at him like he’d suddenly become a bantha. “W-why? Not that I mind it’s just...odd?”

“Can you just do it...I don’t really have a reason not exactly.” He grumbled under his breath as he folded his muscular arms over his chest.

“You know what, yeah I can. Maybe it can cure you of your rbf.” You joked as you looked through your fridge.

“I don’t even know what that means.” He retorted, but at that point you were too busy getting out a tray for the cookie dough you’d found in your fridge. “Can you make them with a candy bar inside too?”

Now that was odd, Fox didn’t ever want sweets and now he wanted a hybrid of two of your favorite sweets? Strange, but you’d do it, it almost felt like a challenge at this point.

After about an hour of baking and snarking back at the grouchy Commander who apparently couldn’t stop teasing you, you finally finished the chocolate stuffed cookies. “Ok are you ready your majesty?” You sassed as you brought him the plate of cookies.

“Yes I am you little shit,” he grumbled, but once you placed the plate in his lap his face softened a bit. “And thank you. Please have some too.”

“Why did you want these?” You asked as you chewed on one of the cookies. “I mean I was happy to make them for you but very curious.”

“Because sometimes I forget to take things slow, and I forget what’s actually important. It’s not just all about work and stopping traitors to the Republic, and I remember when I first met you, you’d made some cookies for the first time, and you insisted we try them.” He started as he looked at anywhere but you.

“I remember that now! Those cookies were awful!” You laughed, how could you have forgotten?

“Yeah they were,” he snorted. “But you’d made them yourself, they were your cookies and they just felt like home and love...and well I guess I needed some of that.”

“Oh Fox,” you sighed. “You don’t have to ask for cookies to get love, I love you so much, I’m sorry if I don’t show it enough.”

“No no!” He blurted, before blushing and continuing. “I mean to say, you do show me love, but sitting here for days had made me realize I hadn’t taken the time to enjoy that love enough, especially because life has been so crazy, and I guess I kind of hoped we could just share these...since you like cookies and candy bars.”

After a moment of silence he bristled. “Nevermind it was dumb...”

“Not at all!” You corrected. “I’m just stunned that you could be so sweet all at once.” You teased him.

“Yeah well these cookies still taste burnt, just not as bad as last time.” He smirked, making you bend over laughing.

Yeah he had a lot of work to do, and you both liked annoying the crap out of each other, but deep down, you both really loved each other, and even the weird world you were living in couldn’t change that.

#fanfiction #fanfic #commander fox #commander fox x reader #commander fox x you #coruscant guard #star wars #requests #request #x reader

[magiefish]

hhhhhhhhhh guess who drew all the batim characters in prep for the comic they’re making!

yeah so it took like 4 days to draw all these guys, and it was actually pretty fun figuring out colours and designs and stuff!

(also, update on the Reveries Twisted comic, I have a plan for the first chapter but i have like, 7 tests next week and I haven’t started drawing it yet so it’s definitely not going to be coming out anytime soon sdfgsdfsj but i am still working on it!)

anyway, i felt like writing little descriptions for every character, so feel free to read these below the ‘keep reading’ line if you feel like it! My ask box is also always open, so if u have any questions feel free to ask

Bertrum Piedmont-he/him, gay/ace

-Started working as a mechanic at about 15 and worked his way up from there -Everyone in the studio @ him: why are u british -His big ego often gets in the way of things, but at his core he's a good person (doing bad shit but ultimately having good intentions is common among these guys shdgfs) -Wlw & mlm solidarity w/ Lacie, who is his most trusted confidant and friend -Actually treats his employees well, even when they do basically nothing all day, so he does a lot of work himself most of the time Linda Stein-she/her, straight as a ruler -Parents immigrated from Spain -She's very catholic and very into 'traditional family values' and that sort of stuff -She is sweet, but her strict morals and black and white ethics often make her do unintentional harm -She is also pretty oblivious to most things Jack Fain-he/him & they/them, pan/ace, OCD -Mother immigrated from China to France, and then he moved to America, it's confusing -Can play the violin really well, but is terrible at composing his own pieces -Peak friend material -Short and round and soft with a love of a good espresso -Kind and quiet but ultimately ineffective and happy to watch from the sidelines Daniel 'Buddy' Lewek-he/him, aro/ace, autistic, jewish -He is curious and observant, but very very naive -He finds it hard to pick up on social cues, and tends to daydream a lot -Never really had a father figure, and unfortunately kind of half sees Joey as one (baaaad choice), but his mother is great -Loves drawing and tends to chew on pens (and most objects really) -Too young Susie Campbell-she/her, demi -Her parents were Russian and she picked up their accent, but taught herself how to cover it up. She is now excellent at voice acting. -Has a birthmark most theatres turned her away for. But luckily voice acting gave her another chance at performance, and the music department really does not care about it. -Her dad was a butcher, so she now knows a concerning amount about how to cut up and dissect meat. -She gets easily attached to things emotionally, and has a whole pile of random bits and bops she keeps on her person because she can't throw them away. -Naive, but smart enough to know how to read and deceive people if needed. Ms Abigail Lambert-she/her, lesbian -A very gifted artist, who is quite frustrated with the business aspect of animation. -Picked up quite a few things about engineering from Lacie. -Stern, but kind. Motherly, if she likes you and you squint hard enough. -Used to fighting for things. -Giving her food is a pretty good way to get her to like you. Being an artist, she forgets to eat at the correct times a lot, so a meals always appreciated. Norman Polk-he/him, gay, albino -Knows how to fix things, knows how to fight, knows how to hide -General cool uncle vibes -He watches people a lot, and gives off some creepy vibes, but he does genuinely care about people -Knows something is up and is determined to find out what (even if he dies trying) -Fought in WW1, then worked at a cinema for a bit. Emma Lamont-she/her, heteroflexible -Keep dancing even when everything goes wrong -Bit of a 'i'm better than these fools' mentality going on -But she's pretty chill, and willing to act when needed -Basically every woman in the studio knows her on the basis that she chills in the girls bathroom. -Hates Joey, but knows those who stir up a bit too much trouble usually 'resign' Sammy Lawrence-he/him, (vocal-romantic) bi/ace, ADD -His dad sucked, so he ran away. He's also the reason he's largely abandoned his faith, but he still holds hope that there is some kind of god out there. -He and Jack are basically brothers, they've known each other for a long time. -He can compose music in his head, but can play basically every instrument. -Tall and thin and sharp with a love of black coffee. -He's actually pretty chill and nice, but the conditions of the studio (workload, noises, dreams) have left him quick to snap and a stressed out mess. -He's pretty oblivious to his own feelings and spends basically all his time thinking about music, so he usually only realises that he has a crush on someone if he hears them singing (hence the vocal-romantic joke) Johnny Hart-he/him (she/her), gay (trans), heart condition -A nervous wreck who avoids everything and everyone -Trans but doesn't realise it, he thinks this level of discomfort has something to do with his heart condition or something like that. -Speaking of which, if he gets genuinely terrified or panicked he could have a heart attack. -Hence why he's a recluse who remains in the organ room and interacts w/ literally no one. -Except Dot and Buddy (who forgets he exists and who he also has a crush on). Wally Franks-he/him, pan -Friends with literally everyone who isn't one of the older folks (and thomas) -Honorary member of the music department because he can play a harmonica and vibes with everyone there. -Tries to put a positive spin on everything, often beyond the point of reason -A mischevous, mildly selfish prankster with a heart of gold -Gossip pals with Susie and Norman The Violinist-she/her, nobody knows -Has literally never expressed an emotion ever -Seems to know things are going to happen before they happen -Just generally pretty weird -She isn't friends with Dot, they're both just vaguely interested in what the others doing -She looks a lot like Allison, but the two have never spoken and nobody knows if they're sisters Thomas Connor-they/them, gynephilia -He is just. So tired. -An actual mechanical genius who gets his work used for the wrong purposes. -Is very of the 'when you're on a path stick to it' mentality -Cold and hard exterior that vertually no one except Allison has ever managed to get through. -He can and will beat you up. Henry Stein-he/him, gay, vitiligo -Nice and hardworking. -Doesn't have many emotions other than to draw. -He's in fucking narnia he's so deep in the closest. -Feels emotions, but buries them deep down and doesn't express them too clearly. -Has difficulty setting healthy boundaries with people and represses himself far too much. Joey Drew-he/him, homoromantic/pansexual, bipolar disorder, alcohol and cigarette addictions -Chaotic, feral, short little man who lies to everyone -Charismatic as hell, but also a terrible friend and person in general -He doesn't blink enough, does not know the meaning of personal space, and hasn't aged for about 4 years, which are all very bad signs. -Doesn't understand how to run a business but does so anyway. Doesn't understand how to interact with people but does so anyway. Doesn't understand how to create life but does so anyway- -He isn't pure evil, he just gets into very bad mindsets and makes poor decisions that lead him down the wrongest way to go. -Does some self evaluation and goes 'maybe this wasn't the right way chief :/' just a bit too late Audrey Dempsey-she/her, lesbian, Borderline Personality Disorder -Feral conspiracy theorist -May or may not be related to multiple studio members -Everyone's called her crazy for years and made her feel like a burden, and she is hellbent on proving everyone wrong -Quite socially awkward, and rather sarcastic with a dark sense of humour -Works for Archgate Allison Pendle-she/her & they/them, androphilic/ace -Is forever lost in a vintage clothing store -Most people say she seems nice, but everyone just kind of subconciously registers that there is something up with her -Knows a lot about the supernatural -The person closest to Joey, which doesn't necessarily mean they're friends -Nobody has ever seen the right side of her face Dot Acciaci-she/her, pan -Her parents are Italian, and she speaks a little herself, usually using it to encrypt her private notes -Mischevious & curious, but ultimately kind -She will find out your secrets, and is very good at reading people -Great storyteller -Struggles with loneliness a lot Dr Eleanor Hackenbush-she/her, aro/ace -Science knows no bounds -Doesn't care what your motivation is, as long as you give her some cash and some experiments -Filled with nothing but utter spite Ms Reina Rodriguez-they/them, demi -Tired of everything -Although she puts up a calm exterior, Rodriguez is very attached to the studio and views it as her 'new family', having a terrible relationship with her old one -Her family drama connects to the fact they're very catholic, but she nobody knows what this drama is other than Joey Tessa Arch-she/her, straight -An absolute bitch -Trusts her husband far too much -Not very smart, but compensates for this for being good looking and rich Shawn Flynn-he/him (intersex), pan -Jovial, but gets angry quickly -Willing to do 'wrong' things if it helps someone else out, kind of like Robin Hood or something -His mother taught him how to sew and he helped her make clothes when he was younger -Found it hard to get a job because he's Irish, so despite being tired of all the bullshit of JDS, he is reluctant to look elsewhere -Friends with Lacie and Grant because they appreciate his humour Lacie Benton-She/her, lesbian, trans -Tougher than the toughies -wlw & mlm solidarity w/ Bertrum, who she views as one of the only genuinely smart people in JDS and who she has worked for for basically all of her life -Feels like something is up, but doesn't notice much if it doesn't connect to her work -Has automatophobia -Friend with Shawn and Grant because she respects their dedication to their work Grant Cohen-He/him, bi, depression, jewish -Absolute madlad at maths -Acts like he doesn't care what you think, cares far too much about what you think -Everyone wants him to just get therapy already -Doesn't have many friends, but has a weird 'we're both horribly overworked' kinship with Sammy, so they usually just chill and smoke together -Friends with Shawn and Lacie because they're actually mentally stable and he needs some rocks Nathan Arch-He/him, straight -You should hate him -You should hate him a lot -Super rich and doesn't pay his workers enough -Silver tongued -Basically a spider. Creates webs of manipulation and lies, sees a lot, and knows plenty about waiting for his prey to come to him.

#magieart #character designs #art ref #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #dreams come to life novel #boris and the dark survival #bertrum piedmont #linda stein #jack fain #daniel 'buddy' lewek #susie campbell #ms abigail lambert #norman polk #emma lamont #sammy lawrence #johnny broken heart #wally franks #the violinist #thomas connor #henry stein #joey drew #audrey dempsey #allison pendle #dot acciaci #dr hackenbush #ms rodriguez #tessa arch #shawn flynn #lacie benton

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 12: Final Home Exercise Program

Characters: Captain Syverson x OFC (Shane Dawson)

Summary: Our lovers spend one last night together and the next morning have a serious discussion about their future after more new information comes to light about Sy’s upcoming training. Can the new relationship sustain the stress? Are Shane’s feelings justified, or can they overcome what lies before them?

Spoilers suck! Start from the top or wherever you left off HERE!

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings:  Language, mature themes, smut, angst…well, near angst. As angsty as I get.

Author’s Note: Sorry this has taken so long, my darling dears! I’m currently on vacation and although I was hoping to be inspired by new surroundings, it’s given me WICKED writer’s block! I have a pretty solid plan for more chapters, though, so, buckle up!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

Tags: 

@onlyhenrys

@cavillryarchive

@summersong69

@titty-teetee

@bloodyinspiredfuck

@agniavateira

@oddsnendsfanfics

@omgkatinka

@thisismysecretthirstblog

@misslaland (apparently deactivated, idk what’s up with that)

@speakerforthedead0

@tumblnewby

@suavechops

@radkesgirl83

@wheretheriversrunintothesea

@heartfelt-pen

@auds24

Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Sy's last two PT appointments could not have gone better. On paper, anyway. He was at full strength in his injured knee, his range of motion was better than it was in the so-called good knee, and he hadn't complained of pain above a 2/10 in the last five sessions. He'd even been using the treadmill properly the last two weeks, working up to his own goal of running again. Her goals for him were met…they could have probably stopped a session short, but she'd wanted to give him a few more handouts to finalize his HEP…and well, she'd be in major trouble for saying so, but…she couldn't stand the thought of cancelling that last visit. It felt like quitting, even though it would have been justified.

In practice, however, there was a tension between them that had never existed before. Something creating awkward energy that they couldn't seem to shake. They hadn't seen each other much outside of therapy this week, either. Not since the night of their argument. Sy had to do a lot of prep for his trip to Virginia, and Shane's caseload this week had been ridiculous. Dozens of evaluations and updates and calls to various companies on different kinds of splints and orthotics she was hoping to get for a few of her patients. A lot of time spent on the phone meant a lot of after-hours documentation. She needed a break. Even if it meant she'd have to do some work over the weekend. Sy was leaving tomorrow to get settled in Charlottesville before the big training course began. She didn't want them to be apart on his last night home for a month.

"Hey, as a celebration of your discharge from PT and your new career trajectory, how about dinner on me tonight?"

"But…you don't really want me to leave town…or to be done with therapy. Not that I, myself, won't miss you feeling me up in public." he smirked as she took his last set of range of motion measurements, her hands gently holding one arm of her goniometer to the side of his thigh…suddenly too aware of him.

"Not entirely true. I'm glad you're better, I'll just miss seeing you through the day. It breaks up the…" she sighed "the monotony of my daily life. Also, why would I want you to leave town? What would that say about me as your girlfriend?" she explained.

"S'pose you're right."

"In this case, yes. Yes I am." She winked at him.

They finished up and she gave him a few more exercises to keep in his arsenal to maintain strength and range in both knees.

"Okay, now, I won't be around to harass you about these, but keep doing them regularly, and just modify them as I've notated if they get too easy. Try to just do more reps, though. I wouldn't try to bulk it up just yet, and that's what you'll do with more weight added."

"Yes, ma'am." he said for old time's sake. She shook her head and smirked.

"And listen, please. This is your physical therapist talking right now. Be careful and mindful during … your cross country training." she wanted to call it "Survivor-Virginia," but refrained. She knew it would get his hackles up. And she was taking enough of a chance insisting that he be careful. "Nature has perils for the perfectly fit. The already injured are at a disadvantage from the gate. Mind your footing. And try not to run unless you have to. Uneven surfaces are not your friend just yet. You still need to work up to that. If you want, I'll help you with it when you get back. Just…don't undo all this work we've done together."

He seemed to see his woman peeking out from behind the mask of his therapist. Concern coloring the neutral and clinical advice she was giving him.

"I'll do my best, sunshine." he held her by the arms and kissed her forehead. It felt too intimate for the setting, but they had done worse. "I'll see ya tonight then?"

"Yeah, I'll bring some food by your place after work. What do you want?"

"Hmmm…I'll let you know." he kissed her cheek and left.

The next hour was her lunch, so she had time to contemplate what seeing him walk out for the last time had made her feel. She sighed, and started to well up, getting out her lunch bag to begin eating and documenting when a knock came at the door frame.

It was Sy, looking forlorn and manic and altogether a mess. Very unlike himself.

"I got out to the truck and something just felt wrong about the way I left today. As if it was any other day. Not our last session. You were trying to get that to land…I'm a little slow. But I finally got it." he walked to her, grabbing her up from her chair in a hug that mended all of the broken parts of her. Squeezed her back together when she'd been damn near falling apart. "Shane, you…you did more than just make me better. You've…made me better. Happier. Whole. I'll never be able to thank you properly for all of this, but…I intend to try for as long as you'll let me."

He held her while her tears fell softly onto his Def Leppard shirt. This was what she needed. For him to simply hold her, complete her, love her.

"Also, I think I'd like Chinese food tonight." she laughed into his neck.

"You idiot."

"You still like me."

"I do. And you don't need to worry about thanking me, Sy. You return the favor daily by just…being you…and being mine." She pulled him in to a ferociously sexy kiss, her hands in his hair, still too short for her liking, but getting there.

He broke away, neither wanting it to end, but both knowing it must, all the same.

"I thought we couldn't do this at your work?" he inquired, slightly out of breath.

"We couldn't do this while you were a patient. You're officially discharged. Last appointment over. All I have to do is sign your note and it's a done deal. But now…if you wanted to drop by for lunch sometime when you get back from training for your fancy job…we could…make it a regular occurrence." she smiled up into his entrancing blue eyes, sparkling with promise.

"I like the sound of that, sunshine." he gave her one more chaste kiss before his official goodbye. "See ya tonight."

As she watched him leave, she remembered thinking to herself one day how he probably used to take very confident strides…that hardly did his walk justice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She ordered their favorites, four entrees total, so they had options, crab rangoon, egg rolls, dumplings, the works. She would be happy to eat off the leftovers all weekend. She wasn't fussy. She loved leftover Chinese takeout.

He met her at the door, having advance warning of her arrival from the canine burglar alarm, Aika.

"You got her. Good girl." he said sweetly thanking the pup for sounding off the Twilight Bark throughout the neighborhood.

"Hello!" She handed off the food to Sy and scratched at the German Shepherd's ears the way she liked, her tail wagging with joyous speed.  

"I thought we could set up a buffet on the coffee table downstairs while we watch TV?"

"Sounds great!" She said, with an enthusiasm that sounded almost forced. She wasn't able to fully shake this foreboding she felt saying goodbye to him, no matter how long they'd be apart.

Sy grabbed plates and silverware while Shane got them some beverages, and they headed downstairs, Aika knowing her boundaries did not extend to the basement except by invitation, whined at their descent. Sy wasn't having it.

"Oh, don't give us that sob story, ya brat." he rolled his eyes at Shane.

"Aww, can't she come down with us?"

"No way. I want you all to myself." a devilish smirk twitched up the corners of his mouth making him even more handsome.

"Aika has nothin' on you. You're the real dog." she teased.

"I make no excuses or arguments. I'm gonna be selfish with you tonight." they put the food and supplies on the coffee table and he caught her up into his arms. He seemed to want to inhale her into his lungs.

"Mmmm, as endearing as I've always found generosity, I really like the sound of that." She let out a huff of amusement.

They spent an uncharacteristically short amount of time choosing something to watch. They'd already started a miniseries together, and they wanted to finish it before Sy left. It was a British political thriller with a lot of intrigue and quite a bit of sex. They only had two hours left, so they finished it quickly as they ate.

They decided to put on something familiar afterward. Die Hard. Which they both quoted with ridiculous precision. They were cuddled into each other on the big sectional, lulled into comfort by the familiar security of the dialogue and the warmth of the other.

Soon, Sy's hand found its way to Shane's thigh. It inched its way inside and up. She felt like he could hear her heart rate quicken, just as she knew he could hear her breaths come with more effort due to his touch.

She looked at him, and despite her apprehension about his decision to leave her so early in their relationship, she wanted him. She'd known for so long now. It felt like forever, for longer than they'd even known one another. A ridiculous notion. But with that same gaze, she begged him to continue. The signal was not lost on the captain. His mouth punished hers in a kiss so deliciously violent and needy she thought there was no way he couldn't feel the same for her. She pushed to the back of her busy mind all of the negative emotions the kiss brought up, the confusion as to how and why he was going to leave her when he clearly needed her just as badly as she needed him, and just let this beautiful moment become what it would.

As hard as that was to do.

The way he touched her was a pretty effective distraction. One hand held her firmly against his mouth by the nape while the other built friction in her over her jeans. She felt her body's primal responses of the building pressure and her hands gripping at his shirt. His guttural moan at her answering touch only fueled the inferno in her. She needed more of him. She thrust up into his hand wantonly. He took himself away from her, cruelly, but to be so very kind, she would soon see. He undid her jeans and tugged them down, along with her panties. In the process, he repositioned her conveniently at the edge of the sofa. He scooted the coffee table out of the way enough to kneel before her. He tortured her with kisses from her knee up her inner thigh on both sides before continuing those kisses where she really needed them.

His warm breath hit her first and she arched, aching in anticipation for the corporeal. He looked up at her with his dervish's grin, seeing the desire on her face and feeling it course through her body, and although he was a better man than her previous lovers, and a better man than most, no man was so good that making his woman feel like this didn't make him feel like a god.

"Darlin', you're so gorgeous like this." he said as he teased her with his mouth. Her words failed. She had only unintelligible syllables for him. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed thoroughly amused by her speechlessness. Amused and encouraged. She'd never felt like this before. His lips and tongue worked over her trembling flesh, both as familiar paths and brand new territory. Discovering the new and remembering the familiar, all at once.

"Sy." she whispered, so close to her peak, and needing him to continue, but unable to do more than moan his name.

"I know, sugar. I know it won't be long. Whenever you're ready, sweetheart."

And she fell apart under his expert touch. He soothed her body down from the climax and asked her if she was ready for bed.

"I think not!" she replied. "The movie isn't over." and she pulled him up to her by the cheeks into another crushing kiss and guided him to the couch. She kicked her bottoms off her ankles to avoid tripping and repositioned herself between his legs as he'd done with her.

"You don't have to, sunshine." he caressed her jaw.

"I know, babe. I want to. Let me do this for you." He was always eager to taste her but she'd yet to return the favor at his own request. She was done letting him decline. She didn't want him leaving without giving him this small parting gift.

It wasn't as if she was unfamiliar with how big he was. She'd touched him, and had him inside her…but seeing him this close was different. She fully appreciated what a feat it was to take him.

She started in with her own tricks, which made him moan, just as planned. His hands laced gently and lovingly in her hair as she worked her mouth and hands over him. She looked up at him after a few moments to gauge his reaction and couldn't have been more pleased. His expression was one of pure, tortured bliss. She felt so powerful.

"Angel, I'm not gonna last much longer." she took that as her cue to get on top of him.

She joined their bodies with a groan of ecstasy that he echoed. She gripped his shoulders as she moved against him, slow and measured at first, but becoming more frantic and erratic as she chased her climax. One hand remaining on her hip, the other came to her chin and directed her gaze to him. Her eyes, blazing with desire, met his, full of tears. She fell against his lips, as she climbed higher, needing that final push to send her over. Which it did, tumbling into that familiar bliss, that she'd have to savor for…well, too long. She didn't want to think too hard about that. This would be their last night together for several weeks. And she wanted to make the most of it. She looked at him, nodded, and after a few more thrusts, he came to his own pinnacle with a shudder beneath her, clutching at her back, resting his head on her sternum. She held him there, and took a few cleansing breaths with her own cheek pressed against his lengthening hair. She stroked the ones at the back of his neck for a moment as they came down from their impossible high.

"Shall we continue this upstairs?" she asked as the cheery, festive, and entirely out-of-season notes of "Let It Snow" played on the TV with the rolling credits of Die Hard. He grinned.

"Yeah, if I still have bones in my legs." he kissed her neck, just above the collar of her tee. "And I'll come down later and clear all this up. We'll just have to close the door so Aika doesn't come down and have herself a party. She's a good dog, but I'm not about to tempt her."

Shane carefully slid off of Sy's lap, attempting not to make too much of a mess, grabbed her panties and slipped them on for the walk to Sy's room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The musical chiming of Sy's phone alarm came too damned early. They'd barely slept, not wanting to waste a moment together. When they finally nodded off after their last round of fervent love-making, they wrapped themselves around one another and were both out like lights in no time. Now he was untangling himself from her to turn the noise off and presumably begin the process of getting ready to leave for the airport. He only snoozed it, though, and pulled her more tightly against his bare, hairy chest.

"What time is it?" She asked, bleary from lack of sleep and extreme fatigue. Not that she was complaining.

"Seven. But my flight doesn't leave until 10, and it's just from the base. There's a flight leaving there for  Charlottesville-Albemarle Airport and I'm hitchin' a ride with them."

"Oh good. I had anticipated we'd have to drive to Springfield, or even St. Louis this morning." She would do it for Sy, of course, but she wasn't looking forward to a six hour minimum round trip, half of which she would have to make alone.

"Nah, and I'm hoping to work something out for the return trip, too, but I'll let you know about that, then. I've made those open ended, though, because I don't know about the return date."

"Sure. God, that's so…crazy. Not in a bad way, just, I can't imagine leaving home without a clear plan on when I'd be back. Of course, knowing it won't be more than a month helps, I guess."

"Yeah."

"And really, a part of me has dreamed of living a sort of nomadic existence since I was very young, so I definitely see the romance in it."

"Totally agree. Hey, I'm hungry. How about we get ready and I'll buy ya breakfast?" He seemed evasive, but she was hungry, too, so she let it go.

"Sounds great!"

They got up and showered together, keeping the sexy time to a minimum given the current time constraints they'd now placed upon themselves. If they didn't hurry, they'd never get out of Cracker Barrell in time to get him to the base.

He loaded his bag in her cargo space and they headed off to the restaurant, which was hopping with traffic on a Saturday morning, as was expected. But since there were only two of them, they got a table without waiting.

They ordered coffees, and Cokes, not super healthy, but hey, this wasn't a daily occurrence. It was a splurge.

Sy ordered some massive and meaty breakfast spread that sounded like a heart attack waiting to happen, while Shane kept it simple with biscuits and gravy and a side of fruit…also, she stole a strip of Sy's bacon. Again…she was a weak woman.

The conversation was light and friendly and lovey…until the time came to leave. Sy picked up the check and took it to the counter to pay and then led her out the double doors back to her vehicle.

"You'll be able to FaceTime me on evenings you haven't gone walkabout in the wilderness, right?"

"I'm not sure they call it that outside of Australia, or even the Crocodile Dundee movies, but yeah, we'll plan on that, for sure."

"Good. I'll miss you so much. But at least I have a pretty good idea of when you'll be back." she was spouting excitedly, but he was being rather cagey again. He piped up with three words that never start off a good sentence.

"Yeah, about that…" she looked at him as they closed the doors to her Explorer, waiting for him to continue…hoping for good news, but expecting bad.

"I got an email last night…late…that I…that the training…might take longer than they told me at first." he winced for the impact of her reception of the anticipated bad news.

"Longer…uh-huh. How much longer?" she asked, backing out of her parking space.

"Ya know if you back into these spaces you don't have to worry about--"

"Really? This is the moment you want to man-splain the concepts of parking to me, Sy? I'll save you the trouble. My dad couldn't get me to do it, and I don't see you having any success, either. Now, how much longer?"

"I don't…they didn't give a concrete--"

"Give me your best guess based on what you know. Give me a range. A ballpark, if you will."

"Uhh…two or three more…weeks…than planned." he winced as she drove toward Fort Leonard Wood Army Base from the peaceful breakfast joint. It was rather poetic, really, since the conversation had turned from relaxed to militant. And they were driving from civilian territory into a land of combatants. Not a war zone, but a zone of warriors, perhaps. And she was ready for battle, herself.

"Sy. That's more than six weeks."

"I know." he said, his eyes downcast in some combination of shame, fear, and sadness.

"And you're…fine with it?" she prodded, prompting him to consider her.

"Of course I don't like it. I'm gonna hate being away from my sunshine for even a week. But this is…it's about who I am. Who I'm meant to be from now on. I have to find my way from here, Shane."

"I guess my only question is…where do I fit into this…path. This life you're making for yourself? We're brand new. But we've worked really hard already to get where we are. And I've worked really hard to get to where I am, professionally. In my dream job. No, the circumstances aren't ideal, but the work makes me think, and gives me purpose. What am I suppose to do? Either I give that up, or I give up…the only man I've ever been with who's made me actually happy."

"I don't want that. I don't want to lose you, and I don't want you to give anything up for me, darlin.' That'll just lead to you resentin' me down the road, and I don't want that, neither." He stopped a moment and just looked at her, face holding back frustrated and angry tears…but also very sad ones. "What about this? Let's just, talk about all this moving forward stuff when I'm back from training. At that point, I'll know more about what to expect about jobs and assignments. And…if it would make you feel more comfortable…we can call ourselves…unexclusive. That way, if you meet someone while I'm gone--"

"Have you lost your mind?" She interrupted his ridiculous attempt to be selfless. She was secure enough in his feelings for her that he wasn't making the suggestion for himself.

"I'm serious. If you meet someone, and he sweeps you off your feet, don't resist. I want you to be happy, Shane."

"Then come back and teach gym at the local high school. Better yet, don't go, at all."

"You remember all that stuff you said about having your dream job and a purpose?" Shane nodded. "You want me to find all that too, don'tcha?"

"No. I'm a selfish bitch who wants you here with me no matter the cost. And I don't care if you resent me in the long run. At least I'll have you." she laughed at her sarcasm and only slightly true self-deprecation.

"You'll be fine. You managed so far without me." he reminded her as she pulled up to the gate, guarded by about four men, who's rank she couldn't tell, but one of whom Sy called a sergeant.

"I'll get out here and they'll take me to the hangar in a cart. No civilian vehicles allowed today. Apparently they're doing maneuvers." he shrugged and got out to grab his bag.

"I put the rest of the takeout in here too. It's in one of my nice coolers on ice."

"Thanks." she told her shoes as they stood under the shade of her rear access hatch. She couldn't look at him right now. He made her, though.

"This ain't quite like the airport, but I still don't have a lot of time, sunshine." he kissed her hard, and it really felt like a goodbye, which almost hurt more than his leaving. Almost. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, and she knew she'd feel that embrace all evening. She hoped it would last for weeks.

"I love you, Sy." she sobbed to him. Trying like hell to keep it together.

"I love you, darlin.' Now don't you forget that when some other handsome fella gives you the eye. Make sure he's worth it, if you're gonna write me a dear john letter." he winked at her. She laughed and nodded, but didn't feel it was that funny, and didn't intend to adhere to his parameters of their relationship. He ducked under the arm that was preventing her from driving through. Although, legs as long as his, he almost could have stepped over it. She watched him walk away for as long as she could before she was given the signal that she must leave and let other traffic through…although, she resented this. There were two lanes, after all. Couldn't these men see what a mess she was? She'd just had to say goodbye to the love of her life…and she didn't know when…or indeed, if…she'd see him again. She had hope…but that didn't stop her from crying all the way home and the rest of the afternoon as the ghost of Sy's parting hug faded from her skin.

Up Next: Chapter 13: SNAFU

#netflix sand castle #Sand Castle #captain syverson #Captain Syverson x OFC #syverson smut #captain syverson fanfic #sigh for sy #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill smut #henry cavill x ofc #Smut

[bluedemon1995]

Hi all!! Hope you like the latest chapter!!! Please let me know what you think and read my other stories :) I love comments and feed back (please be kind-even if you don’t like it you can say but nicely!) Sorry for any mistakes that would be all on me!

Cosmo literally pops us into my work area, and I rub his ears as he whines. I know he’s sad so I lean down and while holding his head still, I look into his eyes. “Don’t worry we are getting him back.”

As always, his intelligent eyes indicate that he understands me and well we seem to be on the same damn page because he agrees. But his lean into me and whine don’t go unnoticed. I can sympathize and understand, we need him back. Krolia is not the only one who needs Keith back! Poor Cosmo!! I give him a quick rub and an ear tug. He bumps me which of course, knocks me down and I smile. I feel my eyes tear up suddenly and I hug him trying to tell myself it’s all going to work out.

I quickly show Krolia what she needs to get aboard, while I run through a systems check. While everything is new there are plenty of bugs that I had planned to work out. With the timetable worked up and now us going into space, well I need to be sure that this crap is working well. After a bit, we were ready to leave. It’s actually mostly due to Krolia. She is like crazy strong so loading the ship didn’t take that long!

I get to the Atlas and stock up on the remaining supplies while gathering the rest of the gang. My dad has called by now and said whatever I need to just let him know. Then he rambled into the he whole routine - be careful, call for help, don’t be stupid and he finished with come back with my guy. What the hell people. I have NO guy! Anyways we are off before you know it. I honestly think it’s within the hour, which is good. Making good time is important at this point. We need to move fast so hopefully no one notices Krolia and Cosmo were missing.

On the ship, once we are off, I’m basically useless. I don’t pilot, that’s Shiro so now I’m I’m so focused on trying to make plans that I don’t even realize that I’ve started pacing again. At some point Lance grabs me, pulling me close and says, “Carina, you need to sleep. You called me a little after 2 am or so, you won’t be any good to us, to KEITH, comatose. The coordinates are in, we have a plan, please just take a break. I’ll wake you up if anything comes up. I swear.”

He has his arms around me and I take a second to look at him, really look at him. He seems better than the last time I saw him, but he’s still too skinny. Too pale especially with the dark circles under his eyes. And as I look at Lance I know he’s right, but I just…I feel too edgy, how could I relax? There is no way I can turn off my brain at this point. Shit, Hunk is already cooking to alleviate stress but what can I do???

I shake my head and say, “No, no, I’m good, I’ve gone on way less sleep. You know me.”

Frowning he nods, “Yes, I do. And that’s why I’m going to push this. Plus, I know you are also evaluating if I’m okay when I’m standing here worried for you!” Lance rolls his eyes and yells that we are getting some shut eye, grabbing and dragging me to the back where the holding bay is. He tells me to sit and comes back moments later with pillows and blankets.

“I got you. Really, trust me.” He sits against a wall and gets me to lay down with himself next to me. I keep fidgeting so he ends up laying down with me, an arm snug around my waist, because I kept trying to get up. Finally, he says, “We are getting him back. Just rest up, so that wicked smart brain of yours is fully functional. I’m here. We are all here and just like back then, everything is going to work out. Seriously who stands a chance against us?! The have no clue of our determination.”

I slowly nod and try really hard to relax. But I can’t. I don’t want to voice my biggest fear. Or more accurately, I can’t. What if we don’t get him back? What if we aren’t enough? What if it’s like Allura, he sacrifices himself for us. I mean honestly, that’s his MO. What if he’s already dead? What if he’s being tortured, or he’s hurt? With all these thoughts swirling in my brain, I just can’t or rather don’t want to voice it, not out loud.

But it’s there, like a sliver of wood stuck in my mind. Just bothering me enough that I can’t forget about it. And there so I cannot stop poking at it.

Finally, he sighs and asks me, “Do you still trust me?”

I can feel his heartbeat behind me and his steady breathing, luring me to unwind. I nod, of course. I can feel his body relax and whisper, “Why? Sometimes I don’t even trust myself?”

I sigh, “Well, tough shit, I trust you, always. Even way back in our Garrison days, when you were being dumb, I still told you about my suspicions and let you come to save Shiro.”

He laughed then, “Let me? Okay, just relax you don’t have to sleep just rest.” Then she felt his finger is stroking my hand and I’m finally warm instead of ice cold. But I can’t help but worry. Again, we know better than most, that everyone doesn’t get a happy ending, most importantly Allura but even on a larger scale Olkarion. I know I’m not going to sleep so I figure, I’ll wait Lance out and sneak out once he goes to sleep.

But sometimes I forget, Lance knows me. The real me. He’s so observant and good at getting others to relax, shit, he probably know me better than I know myself. With him holding onto me, keeping me close, his steady warmth relaxes me, his fingers rubbing circles on my hand and I find myself slowly start to drift off to sleep. Then Lance starts to sing a soft lullaby. In Spanish.

Before you know it, Krolia is waking us up and telling us we arrived and need to get in action. We get up and Krolia and Shiro lay out the facts that we know and what we can hazard a guess of. It’s going to be an extraction with some Razzle Dazzle thrown in. You can insert my eye roll at any point but we have a plan.

Ultimately, it’s been less than 24 hours that I have known that they have had Keith. As far as I’m concerned, that’s at least one day too long. I rub my eyes, crack my neck and get up. I push everything to the side. No worries, we got this I tell myself, after all we got a plan to enact! The team is back! Whoever it is who has Keith, well, they really don’t know who they messed with. Sure the Blades are one thing, they were super scary at one time. But now, I bet this planet just views them as some ordinary humanitarian organization.

Well, wake up cuz we are on the job. I look at my people, my family and take a deep breath. We got this. We CAN and WILL do this. No doubt. No room for other options. After all, Keith is family. And we are here to get him back. Period.

#katie holt #keith kogane #kidge #keith and pidge #keith x pidge #pidge and keith #postseason #post end of season #voltron lance #lance mcclain #bffs for life #theyre bffs

[angelsswirl]

Petrichor

Two

"Cupid must have wrote a love story in the dark. Oh, sloppy Cupid. Doomed us from the start."

"Walk me through it one more time." Yeri's lip quivered as she tried not to laugh. And she was trying really, really hard.

"No, you're going to laugh." A petulant pout overtook Chaeyoung's lips. It's an odd look on her. She's sitting in a desk chair that anyone else would probably describe as something just shy of a throne. And she's dressed head to toe in an Armani suit that someone else picked out for her.

Yeri, her assistant, shook her head profusely. If she was going to laugh, she would have done it already. She was simply holding it in for Chaeyoung's sake. If it were anyone else she would have cracked up in their face, but her boss seemed quite miffed with the situation.

"I promise I won't." She insisted. Rosé narrowed her eyes, then sighed. She grabbed her heart-shaped stress ball off of her mahogany desk. She threw it into the air once, twice, three times before speaking.

"I saw her walk in and may or may not have dropped a 15 pound weight on my toe. She got on the elliptical and it wouldn't work, so I decided that was my opening. I walked over, kicked it with the same probably broken foot, then I asked her out. There." Rosé glared at her assistant who snickered profusely.

"Now hold on. You're forgetting a part." Yeri looked down at the legal pad that had been sitting in her lap. She perused the page before tapping on a particular spot.

"Ah hah! You pulled a business card out of your fucking gym shorts like an absolute psychopath." This must be the final nail in the coffin as she finally howled in laughter, "I'm surprised any of that actually worked. Are you sure she gave you her actual number and not someone else's? Like a cop's?"

"We'll address the fact that you're taking notes on my love life in your quarterly evaluation, but to answer your question I have no idea. I completely embarrassed myself in front of her, but she was smiling like she found it cute."

Yeri eyed the look on her employer's face, "You know I'm just messing with you, Rosie. I'm sure you completely charmed her. Besides, there's only one way to find out." Yeri nodded her head towards Chaeyoung's personal phone which had been haphazardly placed on top of a stack of meeting notes.

"You're right. I need to redeem myself." Chaeyoung grabbed her phone, and searched for your name in her contacts.

Yeri rolled her eyes. Alphas were so weird. She's about to leave the office and give Rosé some semblance of privacy, when a framed picture, sitting on one of the many counters in the room, catches her eye.

"Hey, Rosie. Hate to burst your bubble, but are we just supposed to act like Joy doesn't exist?"

Rosé gave a heavy pause, she sighed and looked up at Yeri, "We've been broken up for two months, so yes we are supposed to pretend like she doesn't exist."

"Yeah, but I don't know if that's how that works."

Rosé sounded tired when she spoke next, "Just drop it, Yeri." She ran a hand through her blonde hair.

Yeri sighed and shook head, "Fine. Don't forget you have a meeting with Spectrum at 12:30 this afternoon."

"I won't. Thank you." Yeri let the door close behind her.

~•~

"Could you knock for once? What if I was naked?" Jisoo frowned as she padded into her livingroom, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Why would you walk around naked? You're roommates with a two year old alpha. She'd most definitely try to punch you in the dick." The intruder exclaimed as she pushed passed Jisoo into the kitchen area.

"Roommate would imply that she pays rent. I keep telling her to get a job, but everytime I do she just stares at me then asks for more cheerios. I'm all cheerio-ed out!" Jisoo gripped her hair dramatically.

"Which is exactly why I bought you some real breakfast." As if on queue the sound of small feet slapping furiously against hardwood is heard.

"How do you keep escaping your jail cell?" Jisoo asked, peering down at her daughter with a confused glare.

"Stop calling her crib a jail cell."

"There's bars. I lock those bars. And she's supposed to not be able to get out of those bars. Sounds plenty like a jail cell to me. One time she even ran her sippy cup along the bars and started playing the harmonica."

"Aunt 'Rene!" Lia shouted. She had a wonderful knack for distracting her aunt so she didn't choke her mother to death.

"Hi, Lia. Are you hungry?"

Lia nodded happily.

"She likes to act like she'll starve here. I feed you, too." Lia just stared blankly at her mother as she chewed on a piece of pancake Irene handed her.

"Anyway. Why am I here?"

Jisoo's brows furrowed, "I don't know. You just showed up."

"No. You texted me last night asking me to come over."

Jisoo raised an eyebrow as she checked her phone. It was very plausible. Sounded like something she would do, but she'd be lying if she said she had any recollection of doing it.

The One With The Kid : v v upset. Told cutteeee omega me lifes storie. Wanna sEx her but Jenn3i look at me mean. Pls cum huggg my. Read at 10:03 pm.

"Wow. Drunk at only ten o'clock? I might have a problem."

"You think?"

"Well, it looks like I already told you why you're here. I told a very cute omega my entire life's story and I was totally going to go home with her if Jennie hadn't have ruined it. And I was like completely sober at that point."

"Do you still want that hug?"

"Will you try to choke me?"

"Probably."

"Then yes."

"Sometimes I wonder if your child is actually parenting you instead of the other way around." Irene rolled her eyes then got to setting up the rest of the food she had brought.

"So, what actually happened last night. I'm sure Jennie threw an absolute rager." Irene chuckled at her own joke.

"Y/N made the same joke."

"Who the fu-heck is Y/N?"

"The cute omega. She walked into the kitchen, where I was hiding. We got to talking and I don't know, I just started telling her things." Jisoo explained as she calmly pulled a piece of pancake her daughter would have most definitely choked on out of her hands. She handed it back to her after ripping it in half.

"Do you think-"

"You know, I hate that question."

Irene sighed and poked at her eggs, "It has to be asked, Chu. When was the last time you voluntarily gave any type of information about yourself to a stranger?"

"Never."

"Exactly. Maybe she's the one." Irene shrugged, she eyed her best friend. Jisoo just sat silently and watched her daughter eat.

"I don't know. She saw my phone background and asked about it. And I only hesitated a little bit. She smelled great." Jisoo's eyes took on a bit of a dreamy look, and Irene just chuckled to herself.

"Did she recognize you?"

"Not at first, but I guess I said something and it jogged her memory. She said she had seen some of my videos in her classes."

Irene's eyes widened dramatically, "Oh my God, Chu. How old is she?!"

"She's friend's with Jennie and Lisa. Met them in college, so I'm assuming she's talking about Grad school." Jisoo laughed as the turmoil slowly drained from Irene's face.

"That was close. So, she knows about the kid, your job, and she still didn't run for the hills? Please, tell me you got this girl's number."

"....But you don't like it when I lie to you."

"Jisoo!" Irene admonished.

Lia, assuming this is just a game of word association yelled as well, "Mama!"

"What?! After Jennie walked in she just abruptly left. She had a class this morning." Jisoo shrugged.

"Chu, it's Saturday."

"Oh yeah."

"Then why did she leave? What did Jennie say exactly?"

"She glared at me a bit when she saw me with her. She said Lisa had been looking for Y/N, but Y/N didn't really seem to care. Then Jennie left. Y/N said that was weird, then she said she had to go. That was it. I think she noticed Jennie being weird to me, and it scared her off somehow."

Irene nodded as she listened, "Why was Jennie glaring at you anyway? I thought you guys were cool with each other again."

"I never try to venture into Jennie's mind. I imagine I'd go insane. I think she was just being an alpha really. She probably thought she had an obligation to protect her." Jisoo shrugged once more, "It's okay. If I really wanted her number I'd just get it from Lisa."

"You should really want her number."

Jisoo didn't say anything. She just chewed the inside of her lip as she continued to monitor her daughter's eating.

~•~

"Should I have dressed up a little more?" You asked, self consciously looking down at your sweater and skinny jeans.

"Oh, no! Sorry, I just came from work." Rosé gestured at her suit with a nonchalant wave of her hand.

"Well you look nice."

"So do you." Rosé smiled at you softly. She held the door opened for you.

"Did you want anything?" Chaeyoung gestured to the menu floating over the baristas heads.

"Um, sure a white chocolate mocha, please."

Chaeyoung nodded, "An excellent choice. I think I discovered the drug of coffee back in college. A white chocolate mocha was my gateway drug into plain black. I'm thinking about enrolling my self into coffee-holics anonymous."

You laughed lightly, "I totally understand. I don't think I'd pass my midterms if I didn't have at least two shots of espresso on study nights."

Chaeyoung placed your orders and patiently waited for it to be filled, "What are you studying?"

"I'm earning my master's in education. Would love to be an administrator some day." A big smile spread across your face and Rosé couldn't help but find it contagious.

"You'd make a wonderful administrator one day, I'm sure." When the order is ready, Rosé retrieved them and lead the two of you toward an alcove in the back of the coffeeshop.

"Thank you. Everyone thinks I'm crazy for staying in school so long."

"Do you think it will be beneficial for you in the long run?" Rosé asked as she took a sip of her black coffee.

"Absolutely."

"Then fuck what they think." Rosé said matter of factly. There's a spark in your eye that sort of snatched her breathe right out of her chest.

"That's a bit easier said than done. But, enough about me. What do you do that's got you so dressed up?"

Chaeyoung's eyes widened a bit. She was hoping that she could avoid that question. People always seem to freak out a bit when they realize she'd could probably buy a private island for them if she wanted to.

"I work at a marketing agency. Royal Collective."

"That large as fuck building like right next to central park?!" You asked excitedly. You walked passed that place all of the time. And it was hard to miss, considering it was one of the taller buildings around instead of normal glass windows, the windows had curated, colorful graffiti all over them.

"That's the one." Chaeyoung prided herself on keeping her financial status private. Not many people knew who ran Royal Collective and it was going to stay that way.

"That must be so cool. Does your office have a nice view?"

"It does ac-" Rosé is cut off by the sound of her phone ringing. She sighed discreetly.

"I'm sorry. I have to take this." She stepped a few feet away, and answered the phone.

"I know you're on your little date but we're going to need you to come back in. The CEO of Spectrum is having a tantrum in your office." Yeri's voice does sound apologetic, but she can also hear the humor as she listened to the grown man in the other room scream and cry.

"I'll be there soon." Rosé hung up the phone, then took a deep breath. She turned back around toward you with a slight grimace.

"I'm so sorry. But there's an emergency at work and I have to handle it. Do you mind if we cut this short?"

You stood up quickly, "Not at all. I understand."

Rosé sighed in relief, "Thank you. I'll call you." She kissed you on the cheek before all but sprinting out of there.

You blushed heavily.

~•~

You hated Sundays. Somehow, they're your busiest day of the week. Which, doesn't make sense because you don't have classes on Sundays.

Though, this Sunday is serving to be a bit better than the rest. You were able to get the rest of your classwork done the previous day, so you were free to do whatever you wanted.

You eventually decided on going to your favorite pizza place. It's only around the corner from your apartment, and you've got cravings.

You walked into the small hole in the wall a bit preoccupied with your phone.

You all but rammed into someone just as you crossed the threshold. You're about to lose your balance, when the person grabbed your waist firmly.

"Where's the fire?"

Your looked up with a gasp. Maybe if you weren't so close you'd have something more articulate to say other than "Oh".

"Sorry, Jisoo." You breathed out. Jisoo just chuckled lightly before letting you go.

"It's okay. You might want to look up from your phone at least once next time, though."

You blushed heavily and looked down in embarrassment. It's then that you realized Jisoo isn't alone.

You smiled softly at the small girl hiding partly behind her mother's legs.

"Hello, I'm sorry I ran into your mom, but she's firm. I'm sure she's fine." Lia looked up to her mother for confirmation. Jisoo gave the child a thumbs up.

Lia waddled out from behind her mom. She seemed interested in you for about two more seconds before the claw machine tucked in the corner catches her eye.

"Hm. Normally she hates meeting new people." Jisoo watched as her daughter toddled over to the machine she couldn't reach.

"Kids can be odd." You shrugged, as if it was as easy as that.

"So...come here often?" Jisoo wondered if there was a set of subway stairs she could throw herself down, because what the fuck was that?

"Yes, actually. I live around the corner, and Sal here has the best pizza in this entire state." You nodded toward the owner of the restaurant.

"Never been here before actually. One of my friend's recommended it."

"Smart friend."

"Irene has her moments." Jisoo shrugged. Speaking of Irene, now was her chance. Irene would murder her in cold blood if she found out Jisoo had the opportunity to get your number and then didn't.

"Uh, did you want to maybe-can I get your number?" Those subway stairs have to be close, right?

"Yeah. If you hadn't have said anything, I probably would have asked for yours." Jisoo handed you her phone and watched deftly as you put your number in.

"I would have said yes." The pair laugh until they're interrupted by your phone ringing.

You pulled it out of your back pocket and took a glimpse at the screen.

'Rosé🥀🌹' flashed across it.

It's then that you realize you have a problem.

#petrichor #blackpink fanfic #jesssica's fanfic #blackpink #jisoo fanfic #jisoo x reader #rose fanfic #rose x reader #alpha female #abo #alpha/beta/omega dynamics #alpha beta omega #alpha x omega

[sing-selah]

Selah.

If you read through the Psalms of the Bible, you’ll find this word regularly.

History has lost the true definition of the word, but it’s thought to express the sentiment of “forever”, or perhaps it means “to take a break.” One online dictionary indicates that it may indicate a pause for contemplation.

2020 was a year for Selah.

Everyone took a break, and it felt like it was going to last forever.

The whole world was forced to take a step back and evaluate operations, contemplate the nature of how we live. For many, the chaos and stress were too much to process. Mental health assistance was hot in demand, and so were yoga mats. I, myself, also attended therapy and bought a hot pink foam mat. We were all looking for comfort and means to cope in the chaos.

I lost 20 pounds and gained 80 with the new addition of my dog-son Samson. (He’s a Great Pyrenees, a massive fluff.) I know I’m quite blessed to be able to say I gained good things during the pandemic, when so many suffered unimaginable loss.

When the New Year approached, we all awaited with bated breath.

Would 2021 be a better year for us?

This year was the first New Year’s Eve I have ever spent alone. I thought this would sadden me, but as I sat on my bed sipping wine and watching Samson gobble down his celebratory ice cream, I was surprised at the peace I felt.

I had achieved more than I thought myself capable with losing that 20 pounds; making small but consistent changes in my daily diet and habits. As I reflected on this, I decided to make 2021 a year for even more growth!

I took to Amazon, searching for a goal-oriented planner. I knew I needed something more than years past, where I would make a list of what I wanted and promptly forget where it was placed (also forgetting the declarations therein).

I decided on a sunshine-yellow beauty by BoxcleverPress that broke the year into quarters and had sufficient room to document my goals and plan for success. This lovely agenda contained pages for 8 goals, with space to document what the goal would mean for me and keep track via quarterly check-ins. The blank pages in the back were perfect for brainstorming, and I made good use of it. I also asked friends on social media what their most rewarding resolutions had been and used that as fuel for thought.

Of the MANY ideas I had, I settled on the following:

1. Lose 60 pounds

· Being the shortie that I am, charts for my height indicates a “healthy” weight for me is 140 pounds. I haven’t been 140 lbs since I was 16 years old, and honestly I was probably being optimistic on my driver’s license even then…

· For those that hate the maths, this is only 5 pounds a month. This felt semi-do-able for me. I figured if I missed it, better to aim high (or low, as it were).

2. Create more, enjoying hobbies

· 1 piece of art

· 1 poem or song

· 1 playlist (I planned to make playlists for those I love, so this also seemed like a good relationship builder.)

· 1 journal entry per month

3. Read 1 book per month

· In my ambition, I thought it would be beneficial to pick a different category every month. I chose English lit, health/wellness, non-fiction, poetry, fiction, historical, International classic, self-help, biography, science focused, math focused, spiritual/faith. These distinctions were quickly thrown out of the window, as I already own a lot of books that needed to be read. And as all lit nerds know… I continue to acquire more! I’ve just been selecting the one I was most excited to read every month.

4. Better manage my finances.

· Save $1000 by the end of the year

· Eliminate my credit card debt

· Spend $120 on groceries per month

· Cut unnecessary spending (Read: regular online shopping for undies and makeup. I also found it helpful to take a break from social media, as this is where I was constantly being advertised to by my favorite brands.)

5. Explore areas of curiosity

· 1 focus per quarter

· I wasn’t sure what this would look like, I just wanted to focus on learning more about areas of interest, like fashion and nutrition.

6. Complete 1 home improvement project per quarter

· I had plenty to work with here. Fixing the kitchen light, garage door, garage light, painting front porch, painting back porch, painting the exterior, painting my bathroom, cleaning out the overgrown backyard…

7. Grow my abilities in the kitchen!

· 1 new savory (preferably International) dish per month

· 1 new baked good per month

· Note: Originally, I said 1 new recipe a week. This did not happen. I adjusted.

8. Be more intentional in my spirituality

· Keep the Sabbath regularly

· Fast once a quarter

Phew.

That was a lot to outline! It seemed a little (a lot) ambitious, but I felt it would be better to set the bar high for myself. I wasn’t sure if I could manage all of that, but monthly self-check-ins were a helpful tool in seeing growth. Perfect, I am not. I’ve yet to meet all of those goals; but seeing even some achievement is a constant encouragement.

As the adage proclaims, change doesn’t happen overnight!

So why share now?

First, journaling once a month is part of the goals!

Secondly, I’m hoping a shared blog will hold me more accountable, and maybe I’ll even get some helpful tips from others as I work towards my goals.

Third, I believe any achievement is a result of hard work and blessings from God. I think it’s only right to share that light with others. I hope my journey can be encouraging, or at least entertaining, for my friends and family.

I’ll be sharing a blog post at least once a month, maybe more if I’m feeling feisty. I’ll be posting to tumblr under the username sing-selah and sharing on my social media.

I'll end my post by asking you to implement a little Selah (pause to contemplate) in your life.

#goalsetting #life goals #goals #goaldigger #2021 goals #motivation #resolution #selah #blessed