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bakubub · 3 years

Text

In which Racer!Kuroo is your roommate and you finally learn more about him...

Warnings: Mentions of loss of loved one, disregard for own life, swearing, innuendos and implied nsfw (but sfw overall), fem!reader with she/her pronouns.

A/N: Idek what this is. Its literally a 4.6 k mixture of fluff, angst and comfort... I rewrote this like 4 times :,) being a perfectionist is so,,, tiring.

This takes part shortly after this, you can definitely read this without reading the 'part 1' if you will, since they don't depend on one another.

Art belongs to @aikk00 ,, and yes I am still in love with it :D

I stumble out of the lecture hall, my eyes so heavy I bump into about 3 other students and mumble my apologies until I fully wake up and snap out of my daze.

Walking down the stairs and making my way to the bus stop, I watch in horror as the bus I was supposed to be in drives off, going fast for once in its damn life as if mocking me.

Inhaling sharply through my nose, I manage to keep my composure and sit down at the bus stop, telling myself the next bus will be here in a bit.

It's fine. It's fine. I slept through the lecture, and I still have to catch up on 4 subjects and make dinner, but at least the house is clean and I'm caught up in that one subject I picked up for this exact reason.

It's fine. It's going to be just fi-

The rumble of a loud engine breaks my shitty but somewhat effective self-reassurance motto and I open my eyes to see a black and red sports car going 60 km/h in a 30 zone, effectively getting mine and everyone else's attention.

I watched in horror for the second time today as this time it stopped right in front of the bus stop. No, no, no, no.

No.

Please no.

He rolls down the passenger window with that ridiculous hair and a shit-eating grin, as he nods towards the seat, revving his engine.

I look away, pretending he's not looking directly at me and that I don't live with the guy, which I immediately regretted when he beeped the fucking horn.

What did I do to deserve this humiliation?

I hastily put my head down as he beeped it again, giving up and rushing towards his insufferable car, getting into the passenger seat and slumping in my seat to keep my head down low.

"What is wrong with you? What are you even doing here?" I hiss, my glaring up at him from my awkward, folded position.

He laughs, and when I hear the sound of a photo being taken in the split second I looked away to readjust my bag, I sit up straight, watching him continue speeding as he stuffs his phone into his pocket.

"Are. You. Trying. To. Kill. Me?!" I ask, my voice little less than a screech as I slap his arm with each word.

"Ow, ow, I just came to pick my roomie up! I sensed you needed a ride, and this is the thanks I get?" he asks, that smirk I have come to hate returning to grace his features.

I glare at him, but a small, sleep-deprived part of my brain is distracted by his appearance. A tight black tee adorning his built figure, his biceps are on display as he drives with one hand, the other resting on the gear shift. The air from his rolled down window is ruffling his hair this way and that, and I find myself wanting to run my hands through the raven strands, just as I had when I washed his hair that one time...

"Wait- how the fuck did you know I didn't have a ride?" I ask incredulously, my reaction time clearly delayed but here nonetheless.

I narrow my eyes as he hesitates before he answers, "I just knew, ok? It's not like it’s astrodynamics, not that I can't figure that out too."

"Kuroo, what the hell is astrodynamics? Are you like, spying on me or something?" I ask, pretending to look out the window so as to not get distracted by his appearance once more.

"What do you common folk call it? Rocket science?" He says, once again exceeding the speed limit.

"If I'm a commoner, does that make you a peasant? Also, stop going so fast, I feel sick and I do not feel like dying today."

He rolls his eyes in response as he slows down by a smidgen, the speed meter barely even moving. "Seriously, you may have no consideration for yourself, but I still have a lot of things to achieve with my damn life so slow the fuck down." My words finally reach the rational part in him and he slows down considerably, now going within the speed limit.

Taking a deep breath, I rest my elbow on my door and look out the window, my mind flooding with thoughts about Kuroo's reckless driving and how it can all go sour with one delayed reaction.

Before I know it, we're rolling up to our apartment building, driving into his private garage only the penthouse owners get to use.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, filling the silence in the car.

"It's ok. I just... I want you to be safe. I know its hard, but... just try," I say quietly, unable to look at him.

"That's what he said," he says hastily before rushing out of the car before I can hit him.

Getting out of the vehicle myself, I send a murderous look his way and run after his retreating form.

A small part of me is grateful that he's acting like his usual unbearable self again, but the rest of me is just mad at his relentless sex jokes.

He hits the elevator button before I can get there and I watch the doors close, his smirk practically shining through the crack of the closing doors. I jam my foot in the middle at the last possible second, and smile victoriously as I get into the metal box and slap his arm once again.

"Ooh, do it harder," he practically moans, and my eyes just about pop out of their sockets in embarrassment as my face flushes a deep red.

"Oh shut up," I mutter, turning around and waiting patiently for the doors to open on the top floor. I hear him snicker and then the sound of a photo being taken, turning around sharply. I yell in defiance and throw my bag on the floor as I jump onto him in an attempt to grab his phone out of his hand and delete the probably unflattering photo.

I straddle his back and reach for the phone he easily holds out of my reach. Leaning across his shoulder in a feeble attempt to reach it, my feet are hooked around his chest and my other hand is using his shoulder as a brace. He's laughing hard at this point, and I'm screaming at him to give me the damn phone. Neither of us notice the elevator doors opening nor the small woman standing at the threshold staring at us in shock and amusement.

"Kuroo Tetsuro! You let that poor girl down this instant, young man!"

We both froze at the authoritative voice, slowly turning to look at a small dark haired woman with a straight shoulder length cut and narrow gold eyes that were glaring at the man under me.

"MUM!" He exclaims, setting me down and running to hug and kiss the woman, his mum apparently. "What are you doing here?" I hear him ask as I straighten myself out, fixing my jumper and tucking my hair behind my ears, picking up my bag off the floor and quickly following them out of the elevator.

"What, a mother needs an excuse to come visit her boys? Where's Kenma?" She asks, looking in the elevator again as if to check if she missed him.

"Oh, he's at his own place. Apparently he has a booked in session with this famous gamer today. Did he say he'd be here?" Kuroo asks, letting go of the woman and leaning on the wall.

"No, I didn't tell anyone I was coming to visit. Never mind that, who's this pretty young lady here, hmm?" She asks, raising a perfectly shaped brow as she walks towards me, the click of her heels echoing in the lobby of the penthouse.

I smiled down at her, since she was considerably shorter than even me, and introduced myself. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Kuroo." I say, bowing.

"Oh no, no, none of that. You can call me mum too, hmm?" She says, gesturing me up from my bow and pulling me down for a tight hug.

"Oh, um, actually, me and Kuroo aren't-"

"We’ll talk more comfortably inside, no? Tetsuro, is your plan to let me stand here all day?” She asks, letting me go and turning around to look at Kuroo.

Kuroo leaps into action, taking his mum's bag and unlocking the door, helping her out of her heels and leading her into the spotless penthouse.

It was all I could do to nod in response, closing the door behind us and walking down into the kitchen to prepare a meal.

It’s crazy how much I don’t know about this guy. He’d never mentioned his mother before, and briefly mentioned that he has a sister, whether older or younger I have no idea. Kenma, however, I know well. The guy was here all the time when I first started living here, but recently I've seen him less and less. Which is a shame, considering we actually got along quite well, with sharing eye rolls and bonding over our mutual love of Minecraft.

I don't notice silent footsteps following me until Kuroo's Mother says "now, why's a beautiful girl like yourself slaving away in the kitchen? Does that boy make u do all the cooking and cleaning like some mid-century housewife?"

I poke my head out of the fridge, smiling at her fair assumptions, "no, no, it's not like that at all. I actually-"

"Uh, mum! You know I'm incompetent with this stuff. This place would be a mess if she wasn't here to run things! Plus, she loves to cook and finds cleaning therapeutic. Hey, her words not mine," Kuroo quickly jumps in, putting his hands up defensively when she looks at him with a raised brow.

Looks like he doesn't want his mother to know of our little arrangement.

"Right. He's just so hopeless, I can't trust him to do anything," I add on, sending her a smile as I prepare the fish he likes.

"You're making grilled mackerel for dinner?! Oh that's gonna hit the fu- the fun spot," he says, saving himself at the last second.

I hold back a snort as I take out a pan, "open the window, fish boy. It's about to stink here and I can't be bothered with Mrs. Suzuki coming all the way upstairs just to complain about the fish smell, and then complaining that she had to come up here in the first place. God, I hope she isn't sitting on the balcony today," I ramble, trying to see her balcony from outside the window, but fail because of the private location.

Damn these amazing architects.

I hear his mum chuckle at my rambling as she begins to take out ingredients for a salad. "Oh, you don't have to help, please sit and make yourself comfortable," I say, moving towards her to take the lettuce out of her hands.

"No, no, I'd like to pitch in. Now what kind of mother-in-law would I be to let you do everything yourself?" She asks, holding the lettuce away from me and walking over to the sink.

I stare at the back of her head, a flush creeping up my neck, "m-mother-in-law?!" I ask incredulously, glancing over at Kuroo who looked suspiciously... Smug. I look away quickly when he meets my eyes, and I hastily hyper-focus on the fish in front of me, placing it on the heated pan, causing sizzling and popping to fill the awkward silence.

"I'm sorry darling, I don't mean to be overbearing. Tetsuro introduced you as his girlfriend, so I thought things were getting serious since he actually allowed us to meet one another. You see, he’s never introduced me to a girl before, so you can imagine my excitement. I can stop if you're uncomfortable-"

I cut her off, feeling even more embarrassed as I realise the role I am to play in Kuroo's life when his mother is around. I mean, it makes sense, he can't exactly just admit he took a random girl into his house.

"I, um, no really it's fine, I understand" I say, my voice small as I flip the fish.

She lets out a delighted laugh and pulls me down into a hug once more. The smile on my face is genuine as my embarrassment melts away, the bright smile of this woman comforting me.

"So, how did you guys meet?" She asks, chopping up the ingredients for her salad on the bench while I'm at the stove, Kuroo leaning on his elbows on the bench.

"At uni," I answer at the same time as Kuroo states, "at a party."

We both look at each other with wide eyes, and I clear my throat to clarify, "at a uni party. A classmate of ours hosted one and we met each other there."

"I see, so the old boozed up one night stand turned into quite a domestic relationship hmm?" she suggests, wiggling her eyebrows at Kuroo.

"What? No, no, I would never! A one night stand? Booze? Please, what kind of man do you take me for?" Kuroo complains, looking offended.

I turn around towards the stove and roll my eyes. I've heard the rumours around campus, practically every girl in my lecture hall can testify to at least making out with the man. He really puts up a façade for his mum.

I hear the doorbell ring, and quickly take the fish off the stove to go answer it as Kuroo bickers with his mother about how innocent he really is.

"Hello? Who is it?" I ask, pressing the buzzer.

"Uh, hello? Is this Tetsu's place?" A deep voice answers. I look at the camera, seeing Kenma and a bunch of men about Kuroo's age looking confused. The one who answered is a guy with a blond mohawk and piercings adorning both ears.

"Yes, just give me a second," I reply. "Kuroo, I think Kenma and the rest of your friends are here? Should I let 'em up?" I shout out.

"Yeah let 'em in," he calls back. I press another button, letting them into the lobby.

I need to make more food.

Quickly taking out my frozen dumplings I stocked up for emergency dinners for days I couldn't be bothered to make anything better, I whip up a quick sauce, thinking I could split the fish and put it in the middle of the table so everyone can take their share.

"I do apologise darling, I let my Kenma know that I came to visit and he must have told the boys. I think they've all come to see me," Kuroo's mum confesses.

"You must be a very loved woman if they came all this way to see you. And it's no worries really, I'm always prepared for guests," I say, putting her at ease.

She beams at me as the door is banged loudly.

Kuroo mutters something about “rude assholes'' as he goes to open the door, a group of tall men making their way through the threshold.

"Hiya cap'ain," the mohawk guy says, patting Kuroo on the back. A tall, light brown haired man was next to greet him, then proceeded to exclaim "MUMMA KOZUME!!" and practically jumped onto the poor woman.

Wait, did he just say Kozume? Isn't Kenma's surname Kozume?

"Hey mum," Kenma greets, kneeling down to hug Kuroo's mum.

Who's mum is this lady?! I swear to god I'm going to go crazy.

"Hello hello everyone," A massive grey haired guy says, kissing Kuroo's mum on the cheek and hugging Kuroo.

The last guy to greet them is a tan guy with a buzz cut, and he does the same as his friend before.

"So Kuroo, when di'ja get yourself a girl, huh?" The grey haired guy asks, looking offended that he didn't know before now.

I raise my eyebrows as Kuroo just smiles guiltily. He introduces me to his friends and I wave hello, as they all begin to introduce themselves.

The grey haired guy says his name is Lev and that he's half Russian. A weird detail to include but interesting I guess.

The light brown haired man introduces himself as Yaku, and says that he was Kuroo's senpai back in high school.

"Yeah a demon senpai," Kuroo mutters in reply. My smile quickly turns into a grimace as Yaku jumps on him and they both start brawling on the floor, making a loud ruckus. A loud thumping can be heard from downstairs as Mrs. Suzuki starts to lose her mind and continues to bang the handle of her broom to her ceiling.

"Ugh, you morons upset Mrs. Suzuki! She's going to talk my ear off next time I see her..." I complain, grabbing a cushion and throwing it at the boys.

They flinch at my anger and quickly get up, muttering a quick apology. My glare softens as mohawk introduces himself as Yamamoto, and the tan guy says his name is Kai whilst vigorously shaking my hand.

"It's very nice meeting all of you. Dinner will be ready in a bit so please just make yourselves comfortable," I announce, making my way back into the kitchen.

The boys, all sporting grins, make their way to the living room and sit on the couches, man-spreading and slouching all over the place, one person taking up the usual spot for two.

I sigh, focusing on the dumplings in front of me.

I stiffen as I feel large hands on my waist, and a presence behind me. Visibly relaxing once I realise it's Kuroo, I turn around, his hands still resting on my hips, and his face nestled in the crook of my neck.

"Please just go along with it. We have to act like a couple if they're going to believe us," he mutters, his hot breath causing shivers to run up my spine.

I simply nod, instinctively placing my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his hair, something I've wanted to do since that day.

He groans into my neck, and I find myself holding my breath as I continue my hand movements.

"OI LOVEBIRDS! MUM SAYS THE DUMPLINGS ARE GONNA FUCKIN' STICK! Ow! Oh, sorry," I snatched my hands back from Kuroo, pushing his chest, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

What the fuck am I doing?!

I turn around back to the stove, mixing the dumplings in the boiling water as my thoughts race.

That felt too real, too much like a real relationship.

And way too addicting, apparently, since I already miss his close proximity.

The warmth on my waist disappears as I hear Kuroo running back into the living room.

"SHUT UP YOU MORON, THE DUMPLINGS ARE FINE!" I hear him scream, and then a loud thud as he presumably tackles whoever yelled at us to the ground.

I sigh as I hear Mrs. Suzuki's muffled thuds from downstairs in record time.

"You know I'm going to have to make Mrs. Suzuki some kind of apology cake because you boys can't sit down and act like adults," I complained, my arms crossed and an unimpressed expression on my face.

Lev and Yamamoto are on the floor playing some kind of Connect 4 game I've never seen before, while Kai looks to be having a deep conversation with Kuroo's mum, who is perched on the single arm chair like the queen she is.

Kenma is hogging the tv playing some kind of video game on Kuroo's ps5 (which I've hogged on more than one occasion), and Kuroo on the other hand has Yaku in a headlock.

He immediately lets go and apologises, and so does Yaku, who even bows in his regret.

I roll my eyes and shake my head at his mum, who just laughs, and I make my way back into the kitchen, setting food on the table and calling them in to eat.

After dinner, I find myself showered in compliments and not a bite of dinner leftover for tomorrow's lunch. Damn I'm good.

I served up cake I had already prepared from earlier along with fruits I washed and set on plates, and watched as that was eaten and finished before I even sat down. Kuroo's mum scolded the boys for poor manners, and they all apologised. Well, all except Kuroo, who just wiggled his pierced brows and winked at me.

I sit down on the floor next to the couch, since it was all occupied, and hear a dissatisfied sound coming from Kuroo's mum.

"Now, now, sweetheart. You don't have to be shy around me, just go on and take your usual seat next to Tetsuro," she says, nudging her head in Kuroo's direction, where the only vacant spot was literally his lap.

I look at her with wide eyes, even Kuroo seems taken aback by her suggestion, and all the boys are immaturely ‘oohing’ loudly as they laugh and make fun of us.

Kuroo makes a gesture for me to come next to him, so I hold back my heavy sigh, try my best to hide the flush on my face, and walk towards him, awkwardly perching on his knee.

He chuckles as he grabs my waist and pulls me flush towards his chest, my butt in the corner of the couch and my legs resting diagonally over his, so that my head is directly in the crook of his neck.

I hate to say it, but this is actually really damn comfortable.

Conversation has started up again, but it becomes secondary to the beat of his heart right under my ear, and my eyes start to get heavy as his scent and warmth lull me to a comfort that is beyond being awake and alert.

---

Kuroo's POV

"What a cute girl she is, Tetsu. I'm so glad you've found her. And now that you've got her, you better. Not. Let. Go." She says, slapping me on the arm with each word of her last sentence.

What is it with women and slapping me?

"Ok, ok, I know mum, I won't stuff this up. I promise," I respond, smiling at her.

"Ok, well, I'm staying over at Kenma's house. Ah, no objections. You've already got your hands full, and I don't want to be in the way of young love. Plus, I'd rather listen to Kenma's midnight streams than you two in the middle of the night," she says, not accepting my objections and giving me a knowing look. My face warms to what she's insinuating, and I mutter a quick, "it's not like that," as I duck my head into Y/n's shoulder.

By this time the boys have all left, Kenma's downstairs waiting in his car for his mum to come, but she insisted on staying back for a few minutes to talk to me.

Y/n fell asleep a while ago now, still nestled on my lap, her head on my shoulder and her figure keeping me warm.

"I know exactly how it is, my darling. I've seen how you two act, pretending to be in a relationship just so we don't ask any uncomfortable questions. I won't meddle in your life, I never did, Tetsuro. But I will give you advice I expect you to consider. Don't let her go. Neither of you were pretending about your feelings towards each other, let me tell you that much." She says, knowingly looking at me.

I look up in alarm, which quickly morphs into a nervous laugh. She's good, I'll give her that much.

But, can Y/n really mirror my feelings?

"Ok darling, better not leave Kenma waiting any longer. I'll visit again tomorrow, or you can come over to Kenma's, whichever you prefer as long as she comes along too. I want to get to know my future daughter-in-law better!!"

With that, the woman who took me in and treated me like her own left my home.

I look down at my roommate, taking in the way her lashes are long enough to brush against her face, the way her brows are just a tad bit asymmetrical, the stroke of her nose and the bend of her cupid's bow.

I can't help but bring my hand up to caress the side of her face, content to stay here forever.

Mum would've loved her.

This thought broke the dam that held back my tears since middle school, and as they fell down my face I couldn't help but think of my own mother, coming in and hugging her, making her famous pie that I can't remember the taste of anymore. A sob racks my figure and I all of a sudden find a pair of e/c eyes staring up at me, my tears having dampened some parts of her face.

Wordlessly, she straightens herself and wraps her arms around my neck, running her fingers through the back of my head, stroking down towards my nape and up again. I cry into her shoulder, tears that I've bottled up, emotions I've ignored because I've had my dad, my grandparents and the Kozume's. Later, I even had the team, and they all followed me to the racing gig, a place where I can express my emotions through the reckless driving that could claim my life any second. I should have been grateful. Instead, the pain of her absence never ceased.

I clutch the back of her sweatshirt as I cry and cry and cry, eventually tiring myself out and running out of tears.

With dry sobs still racking my body every few minutes, she finally leans back, cupping my face in her gentle hands.

"What's the matter, Kuroo?" She whispers, looking up at me with tears shining in her own eyes. "You can tell me anything, or you can say nothing at all. Either way, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you," she says, touching her forehead to mine and closing her eyes. She stays here for a moment before moving to get up and drag me up too.

"Come on, let's get you into your pjs and into bed. It's getting late."

---

Your POV

Now in his usual shorts and singlet, I drag him to his massive bed, opening the neatly made bed and gently sit him down.

His hazel eyes follow me as I go to close the curtains, his lashes still wet from the countless tears he shed, his body still hiccupping with dry sobs.

Once I've put his blankets around him, I go to leave, muttering a goodnight as I leave.

"Y/n," I hear before I close the door. I peek my head in, "please stay."

Without a pause to think about his request, and already in my own pyjamas, I go next to him and crawl into his open arm as if I've been doing it every night, snuggling into his shoulder once more and wrapping my arm around his chest.

After a few moments of silence, he begins to speak in a raspy tone, "she's not my real mum. She's Kenma's mum, and I've... I've called her mum since I was around 7," he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I moved in with my dad and grandparents next door to the Kozumes when I was 6. I was nervous and shy back then. You wouldn't even recognise me because of the 180 turn my personality's taken. Kenma was even more social than I was. He was my first friend, and when I got him into volleyball and we met Coach Nekomata. That man inspired me to be the man I am today, and was the main reason why I joined the volleyball team in high school, and made friends with the guys. He did what my mum should've, supported me and gave me the confidence to live my life," he says, his voice cracking with the last word. I hug him tighter, knowing not to say anything as of yet.

"I just wish... I wish she didn't go. I wish she could've met you, Y/n. She would've loved you even more than Kenma's mum does," he confesses with a chuckle, sniffling and turning towards me to look me in the eyes.

"She would've seen the way I was around you. The different man I become. You make me a better person, Y/n. I find myself wanting to be better for you. I could never thank you enough for that. Please, never leave. Just stay with me, and I'll always be here for you," he says, repeating the same words I said to him earlier.

I can't help the smile from taking over my features and I lean in to kiss his nose, his eyes, his cheeks and finally I press my lips against his, something I have been wanting to do for a very long time.

"I will, Kuroo Tetsuro. I'll always stay with you."

A/n: So, I don't actually know if his mum passed away or if she left them, so I kind of just,, did both ?

Taglist: @3daa & @itsgiorgiaz

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

#racer!kuroo #haikyuu x reader #haikyufics #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #haikyuu!!#haikyu imagines #kuroo x you #kuroo tetsuro x you #kuroo tetsurou #haikyu angst #haikyuu drabbles #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu au #kuroo angst #kuroo comfort #kuroo fluff #kuroo au

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blownbybakugou · 3 years

Note

TW: ED/ANOREXIA hii!! sorry if this’ll come off as annoying but i’m a couple days ago i read your hcs w shigarakis ideal type and i read the iyo he likes chubbier kinda look when in appearance, iyo would he mind if i was kinda anorexic? i’m sorry i’m just struggle a lot w body image lol

It’s okay! I had anorexia for a few years when I was a teenager haha. You should know your body is beautiful as it is, there is nothing wrong with you!

I got a lot of similar requests for this kind of thing, so here is some other guys :D.

Warnings: Eating disorder, Anorexia, kinda force feeding.

Word Count: 1k

Pairings: Shigaraki x gn!reader, Bakugou x gn!reader, Deku x gn!reader, Tokoyami x gn!reader, Kirishima x gn!reader

Shigaraki

Shiggy sometimes forgets to eat too,

So it takes him awhile to notice your lack of food consumption.

It’s when he has a real dinner with you for the first time he gets suspicious.

He’ll see you picking at your food,

And after he ate,

He noticed none of that food actually made it to your mouth.

“Did you not like the food?” He asks, looking into your eyes. Your body was relaxed, but behind your eyes he could sense panic. “N-No, it was fine, I just wasn’t that hungry.” Tomura thinks back to this morning. He was playing video games, but he would still remember if you had had breakfast or not. “You didn’t eat breakfast, either. What’s going on?” He questions, stopping you from walking any further. “Nothing! I-I’m fine!” You chuckle, but he could see right through you, your lies hanging in the air for him to notice. “Don’t lie. Have you not been eating?” He says, looking at you with disbelief. You look at the ground in shame, tears dripping onto the concrete beneath you. “I’m...sorry..” You sob, gripping your arms so tight that your nails pierce through your skin. “We’re going back in. Let me just put my hood back up.” He grumbles, grabbing your sore arm lightly and pulling you into his light grey hoodie. “We’ll start small, okay?”

Bakugou

Mf notices right away.

The way you always dodge his invites out to eat,

Poking at your stomach with sad eyes when you think he isn’t looking

But he isn’t that quick to confront you about it

He waits for more evidence, and then strikes.

“Hey, dumbass. Here” Katsuki shoves a large chocolate chip cookie into your chest, the saran wrap squeaking in protest. “Uh, no thanks Katsu. I’m not very hungry.” You lie, extending the treat back to him. “No. Eat the damn cookie. You’re hungry, whether you acknowledge that or not.” he says stubbornly. “I told you, I’m not hungry. I’ll eat later.” You say, shyly dusting off your clothes. “I know you won’t. You haven’t eaten in 4 days. Eat the fucking cookie, or I’ll make you.” Bakugou grunts, swiping the pastry out of you hand and unwrapping it, before pressing it against your lips harshly. You exhale, slowly opening your mouth to take a small bite of the delicious baked good. “More. Finish it.” He says, pushing the cookie further into your mouth. You slowly but surely finish off the cookie, feeling bloated and fat. “There. You’re still as fucking perfect as you were before or whatever.”

Deku

Observant little shit.

He notices the moment you go to sit down at lunch,

With no food.

He offers some of his,

But when you refuse he gets HELLA sus.

No one would ever refuse his Mum’s superb cooking,

So either you’re allergic to something, or you aren’t eating.

“Y/n, u-um. I think you should have some of my pork.” Deku sates, picking up a piece of the meat and presenting it to you. “No thanks, Izu-Kun.” You dismiss, turning away from the mouth-watering sight. “Please eat it. I really think you should.” He urges, his emerald eyes full of determination. “But-” Taking advantage of your open mouth, he quickly sticks the slice of pork onto your tongue and watches as you close your lips and swallow in surprise. “I have some more, my mom accidently packed for two today. You should have some” He insists, already starting to divide his food. “I, um. I’m full.” You try to stop him, but he only shoves a container of noodles your way. “Please accept my offerings, Y/n. I-It would make me happy.” Sighing, you open the lid of the container and start to take small nibbles on a noodle. “Thank you, Y/n”

Tokoyami

Another observer.

He notices when all your friends go to eat lunch together,

And you refuse.

He decides to test something out, so he goes and asks you to dinner.

When you say no,

It’s a giveaway for him.

“So, y/n. How long have you been anorexic?” He asks out of the blue. You jump in your seat, avoiding his sharp gaze. “I, um, I don’t k-know what you’re talking about?” You smile nervously, your façade melting away. “You haven’t been eating, mind telling me why?” Fumikage deadpans. Sighing, you give up. “I-I just, don’t really like the way my body looks. Not eating is an easy way to lose weight, so...” He glares at you, blood boiling at the though of you thinking of yourself of anything but perfect. “Your body is beautiful as is. We’re going out to eat, my treat.” He summons dark shadow, using him to stop you from running away. He pulls on your hand, intertwining your fingers, and leading you to a near-by noodle shop.

Kirishima

BITCH EXCUSE YOU???

HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO HIM???

Thinks it’s his fault,

Because he’s always working out and shit.

So, he assumes that you stopped eating because of him.

“Y/n...I’m so sorry I made you feel insecure about your body!” His eyes are clearly watery, and the sight of it makes you feel guilty. “What? No! Kiri, it isn’t your fault, I’m just...not skinny.” You sigh, pulling him into your house. “But, you’re so beautiful and awesome and manly! You shouldn’t have to feel like this.” He pouts, pulling you into a insanely tight hug. “I love you, and you are perfect, and I don’t want you to feel bad because I work out all the time. I’ll stop if you need me to, but please eat something!” You exhale with a smile. “You can workout all you want. And I guess it wouldn’t hurt to eat a litt-” “Come on! We’re going to the nearest fast food place and stuffing our faces!” He yells, determination lacing his voice as he yanks you back out the door and down the road.

Part 2? (Kinda wanna write this for the Haikyuu!! boys 👀)

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #kirishima x reader #deku x reader #deku x you #midoriya x reader #izuku x reader #katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #tokoyami x reader #tokoyami fluff #bnha tokoyami #my hero academia shigaraki #shiggy x reader #shigaraki x y/n #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x you

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ibis-gt · 3 years

Note

*slides you 37 pennies* how would luther handle trying to go on a public date with cam (movie, restaurant, etc.) with the whole… affection turns height to no.

had two requests for this one so here u go! luther does his best to keep it together for date night. 2750 words, warning for brief mention of violence in a movie and some hanky panky between consenting adults. not explicit, just a little spicy.

~~~

Four months into their relationship, and Luther has more of a handle on things now.

He’s got the size thing totally under control. He hardly ever shrinks just because Cam looked at him anymore. He can take a compliment like a champion. Those soft, sweet, gentle smiles that spread across Cam’s face like molasses? Barely make him lose an inch. Physical contact? He’s… still working on that one.

But at the very least they can have date nights in public now, as long as Cam behaves himself, and Cam is quite willing to behave himself. Most of the time.

It’s a snowy Saturday night in December, and they’ve got a date planned. Cam will pick Luther up at eight, they’ll go have dinner at a local sushi place, watch a late night special feature from the 80s, and then come back home for some wine and light snuggling before bed. An absolutely perfect night, if Luther can make it through enough of it full-size.

He’s still debating his outfit when a gentle knock at his front door heralds his beloved’s arrival. Five minutes early as usual.

“It’s open!” Luther calls. “C’mon in and help me choose, will you?” He’s standing in his bedroom in a pair of black slacks with the horrid green jumpsuit undone and tied around his waist, staring critically at his two choices of top. A lovely turquoise turtleneck, or a stylish electric blue button-up. The floor creaks behind him as Cam ambles in. “Which one do you think is better? I guess it depends on what you’re wear - eep!”

Luther squeaks and jumps as Cam presses his lips to Luther’s neck, big warm hands sliding up his arms to rest on his bare shoulders, sending an involuntary shiver down his spine.

“Both look nice,” Cam murmurs in his ear. “But I think I like the blue one better.”

“C-cam,” Luther whines, his face going pink. “If you keep this up we’re not even going to get out the door.” The hands remove themselves, and Cam pulls back, chuckling.

“Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. All that exposed real estate, you know.” He lets out a perfect wolf whistle. God damn him. Luther glares over his shoulder and folds his arms, letting annoyance take over.

“We’ve been planning this for weeks, and you’re going to ruin it,” he pouts. “Go on, out. Wait in the living room if you’re going to be like this.” Cam puts his hands up in a placating gesture and retreats, but that damn smile doesn’t leave his face. Luther tosses his hair and huffs, secretly proud of himself. He didn’t even lose a half inch. He turns back to consider his options.

Well, if Cam is so focused on his neck tonight, that sweater might be the better option to afford him some protection. But he said he liked the button-up better… It’s lighter than the sweater so it won’t keep him as warm, but that means he can steal Cam’s big coat later on. The turtleneck would completely cover the green jumpsuit, but the blue of the button-up actually compliments it nicely. Luther nods decisively. The button-up will be perfect.

He dresses quickly, gives himself a final once-over in the mirror, unbuttons his top button, and heads out to see Cam. His boyfriend - his boyfriend! The thought still sends a thrill through him - has picked up the cat, Scrunge, and is stroking her head, making little baby noises at her. She purrs in her usual way, fast and loud, like a revving motorcycle. Cam sets her down when he sees Luther and sighs happily.

“You look fantastic,” he says.

“You clean up pretty nice yourself.” Luther crosses the room and fondly brushes a loose strand of hair behind Cam’s ear. Cam’s in a dark grey v-neck shirt and black suit jacket, slightly tarnished silver cufflinks adorning the sleeves. He’s got his big heavy winter coat draped over one arm so he doesn’t overheat in the relative warmth of the apartment. Luther sneaks a covetous little glance at it before grabbing his own shabby coat off a hook near the door.

He bends down to give Scrunge a goodbye scritch behind the ears. “Behave yourself while I’m out,” he tells her. “No tearing around the place and knocking things over.” She meows plaintively. Luther retrieves her bag of treats and gives her two as a bribe, which she accepts happily.

“Okay,” Luther says, straightening and shrugging on his coat. “Ready?”

“Ready,” Cam says, and takes his hand.

They walk to the restaurant. No point in searching for parking, it’d take longer than just hoofing it anyway. It’s been snowing on and off throughout the week and piles of dirty slush cover the sidewalk. It’s cold, but Luther’s coat is keeping him warm enough for now. He and Cam hold hands as they walk to the restaurant, and Luther doesn’t even shrink a little bit. His chest swells with so much pride he thinks his feet might leave the ground.

The place is only a little busy, so they have a short wait before they’re shown to their table. They get their usual orders. Luther prefers simple rolls and nigiri so the taste of the fish is front and center, while Cam likes to get the complicated, loaded rolls for the variety of texture and flavor. While they wait for their food to arrive, Luther fills Cam in on Scrunge’s latest reign of terror in his apartment, and how much it’ll cost to fix the cracked frame of the painting she’d somehow managed to knock off the wall in her frenzy to catch the fabled red laser dot.

The food arrives. Cam offers Luther a taste of his rolls - he’s gotten something deep fried with cream cheese, cucumber, and crab, and another loaded high with four kinds of fish, topped with roe. Luther tries the one with all the fish, but passes on the deep fried one. He trades Cam a piece of mackerel nigiri. Then he continues on talking, telling Cam about his week, how work’s been, the new guy they hired, and the annoying new habit his coworker’s formed of singing along with the music on the jukebox, regardless of whether she knows the lyrics or not.

Luther suddenly catches the look in Cam’s eyes. There’s something… hungry in them. It’s the only way he can describe it. It’s not regular hungry, because he’s practically ignoring his food in favor of listening intently to Luther’s rambling story. He’s leaning forward, arms folded on the table in front of him, drinking in every word Luther has to say. He’s hungry for him. The realization hits Luther like a truck and he stops mid-sentence, jaw dropping, a blush starting to spread across his face.

“What’s wrong?” Cam asks, innocent as ever. How could he even know the effect he has on Luther? How could Luther ever explain?

“N-nothing, um, I… I’ve been talking a lot, why don’t you take over for a bit? What’s keeping you busy at work?” It was delightful to listen to Cam ramble on about his job. Luther barely understood a word of it, but his enthusiasm was adorable and, importantly, not about Luther. He could keep it together and breathe a bit, work on calming down the scramble of emotion in his gut.

Sure enough, he wins himself a good fifteen minutes of calm while Cam talks on about carburetors and mufflers and manifolds. He could be making it up for all Luther knows. It’s not until Cam realizes his deep fried roll has gone cold that he breaks off to eat. They finish their food, decide to pass on dessert, pay, and head for the theater.

It’s only a few blocks away, a fifteen minute walk at most. The night has gotten a little colder and darker, and now stray snowflakes drift and spin through the air, catching the streetlights and twinkling like stars. Cam has a lot of fun pretending he’s a dragon, his warm breath turning to steaming clouds in the freezing air. Luther’s shivering now, his old secondhand coat doing little to protect him from the chill. Cam notices, of course, and whips his own coat off in an instant.

“Oh, please,” Luther demurs, “You’re so chivalrous, but really, I’m fine.”

“You’re shaking like a weathervane in a hurricane, sweetheart. I’ll be fine, I’m my own space heater.” Cam arranges the coat over Luther’s shoulders neatly and slips his arm around Luther’s waist, pulling him in close. It’s so warm and so nice, and so very, very close. Luther’s shivers slacken and cease, and then one more shakes him, different from the rest.

“Oh no,” Luther whispers, “I was doing so well, please…”

Luckily, he only loses about three inches. His clothes are a little looser, and he’s engulfed a little more by Cam’s huge coat, but he’s still a perfectly normal height. He sighs in relief.

“So what’s this movie we’re seeing?” Luther asks, trying to take his mind off of things.

“Oh, so it’s this old sci fi cult classic based on a book no one’s ever read. I saw it the first time when I was like… eight? And it scarred me for life, really, and now I’m obsessed with this shit. The special effects are super gnarly, and they hold up okay, even though you can totally see the tube for the fake blood in the decapitation scene. Don’t worry too much about following the plot, it’s not really the point of the movie, but what you should know ahead of time is…”

Cam rambles on like that, filling the night with fog. Luther snuggles in closer and listens happily, totally at ease. He made it through the most important part of the night, and once they get in the theater, he can relax. It doesn’t matter if he shrinks in the theater - from what Cam’s said, the only people watching this late-night special feature will be die-hard fans who’ll be glued to the screen, and in the darkness they won’t have to worry about anyone catching sight of them.

That also means, of course, that Cam might get a little handsy once the lights dim. If he’s being honest, Luther would be disappointed if he didn’t.

They get a seat in the back row. As the previews start up, Cam reaches over and takes Luther’s chin in his hand, turning it gently so they face each other. For a moment, he just holds them there, staring into Luther’s eyes with an adoring softness that makes Luther’s heart sing. Then he leans in and kisses him, just once, softly on the mouth. Luther shivers and loses another few inches. Cam lets him go, but Luther’s not satisfied. He grabs Cam’s collar and pulls him down for another kiss, this one deeper and hungrier. Cam chuckles against his mouth and nips at his bottom lip, catching it between his teeth for just a moment. Luther sits back heavily in his seat, breath coming in shallow gasps. He grips his armrests tight, trying to pay attention to the trailer for the newest slasher flick as it blares out through the theater. No dice. He’s losing height fast now, shrinking down to four feet tall, his normal clothes hanging off his frame.

They stay apart for all of a minute before Cam’s hand sneaks across the seat and slides into place on Luther’s thigh. He strokes his thumb back and forth in a slow rhythm, humming happily. Luther gasps and shrinks more, staring wide-eyed as Cam’s hand covers more and more of him, soon easily encompassing his entire thigh.

He’s maybe two feet tall now and he can’t see the screen over the seat in front of him. Cam glances down, catching the pouting, grumpy look on Luther’s face, and presses a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

“Here, sweetheart,” Cam murmurs, and picks Luther up with one hand. With the other, he frees him from his clothing so that he’s only clad in the jumpsuit. Cam settles Luther gently on his lap. This has fixed the problem of not being able to see the screen, but only momentarily. Luther goes bright red and dwindles down even further. By the time the previews have finished, he’s only eight inches tall.

As the opening theme blares with discordant trumpets, Cam pinches the back of Luther’s jumpsuit between thumb and forefinger and lifts him up. He dangles Luther in front of his face for a moment, expression torn between adoring and apologetic, then brings him in close for a gentle kiss. He sets Luther on his shoulder and hands him a piece of popcorn.

Luther hides his burning face behind the buttery morsel. He’d been expecting a little hanky panky, but nothing so direct. Stolen kisses, maybe a fake yawn that disguised Cam putting his arm around Luther, a little playing with his hair. Going for the thigh like that… that was entirely unexpected. He’s beginning to suspect Cam was trying to get him tiny.

The movie is just as gory and weird as promised. Luther isn’t super squeamish, but more than once he turns and ducks his face into Cam’s neck, squealing in disgust, his voice quiet enough at this size that he doesn’t have to worry about disturbing anyone else. Every time, he feels Cam shake under him with silent laughter, enjoying Luther’s reactions.

The movie ends before too long, and the other theatergoers file out, chatting animatedly with one another about the flick. Cam holds his hand up to his chest, and Luther pushes himself off Cam’s shoulder, landing gracefully in his palm. Cam sets him down on the armrest while he folds up Luther’s discarded clothing and tucks it in an inner pocket of his big coat. He looks down at Luther and tilts his head to one side, lips pursed in a calculating expression.

“You’re just a little too big to hide comfortably… here, let’s fix that.” Cam puts his elbows on either side of Luther on the armrest and looms over him, completely blocking the dim theater lights overhead. Luther takes a few involuntary steps back and bumps up against Cam’s hands, linked together behind him to form a ring penning him in. “You’re all mine now,” Cam breathes, quiet as a whisper. “So tiny and cute. I’m going to put you in my pocket and carry you home, and then… well, then we’ll see what I’ll do with you, hm?” A crooked, meaningful grin spreads across Cam’s face, and that hungry look comes back into his eyes.

It works like a charm. Luther’s legs shake, his heart pounds, and he shivers. He dwindles down to half his height, a mere four inches.

“There we go,” Cam croons, and scoops him up in one hand. Cam stows him safely in his coat pocket, held in a loose fist to keep him safe from jostling and the cold. He exits the theater and moves through the crowds easily. People tend to make way when they see a man his size coming towards them.

Luther curls up against Cam’s fingers and sighs happily. Cam’s hand is warm, calloused in places but soft in others, and the pocket sways gently with his gait. It’s so safe and cozy, combined with the late hour and the exhaustion of the day, it’s the perfect recipe to knock him out. He fights the heaviness of his eyelids as long as he can, but only makes it a few blocks before he’s fast asleep.

~~~

“Whew, cold one out tonight,” Cam says as he unlocks the door to Luther’s apartment. He can already hear Scrunge wailing on the other side. “I hope you weren’t too frozen in there.” He pushes the door open and addresses the cat. “Yes, we’re home, hello darling, we missed you too.” She winds around his legs and purr-meows at top volume. “Okay, okay, other people are trying to sleep,” Cam hisses. “You’re gonna wake up the whole floor, shitty kitty.” She mrrps in disapproval.

He pulls Luther out of his pocket. “So, babe, do you wanna - oh.” The little dear is asleep, snoring softly. Cam smiles and presses a kiss to his chest. He takes a seat on the couch, sighing as he plops himself down. Scrunge leaps up into his lap immediately and puts her front legs up on his chest, sniffing at Luther in his hand.

“Poor dear’s all tuckered out,” Cam murmurs, giving her a scritch. “Let’s let him rest.”

#asks #writing #cam and luther #gulliver's hanahaki #g/t #giant tiny #hit post before i remembered tags exist oops

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parkers-gal · 3 years

Note

hiiii! can i please get a Tom x Fem!Reader imagine where he and reader have started dating and Tom’s brothers are weary of her because they’re protective etc incase people use Tom but they don’t know she has an actor brother who she helps with his career? Like maybe Taron Egerton or someone idk.. and they overhear her on a phone call to a film crew and they think she’s interfering in Tom’s career but she’s actually on the phone helping her brother? And just angst but end in fluff always ✨ tysm

requests are open (hope u like this)

wc: 1.1k

—

“You know they love you.” Tom says to you softly, quietly. The two of you are seated on a loveseat quite closely. You’re practically on his lap while his hand remains on the outer side of your thigh. You were with his brothers for the night, the “boys” if you will. They were in another room getting something, leaving you and Tom alone.

“Tough love, then.” You huff, looking in another direction. Tom frowns; he knows they’ve been just a bit cold towards you, sometimes even a bit hostile. Tom warned you things might be difficult, especially considering what happened last time when he brought a girl over.

“It’ll just take time.” He tries to assure you, hand rubbing up and down your thigh while he gives you a sweet kiss on the cheek. You nod, smiling a tight-lipped one as you attempted to remain cheerful for him. You knew the boys were very protective, especially about who they let into their tight circle. “Thank you for doing this.”

You smile a genuine one now, looking at him and giving him a soft kiss, short but passionate. “Anything for you.” You hug him closer and the boys come back into the room. They’ve almost been hesitant the entire night, but you’re all due for a day outside in the shops tomorrow, and Tom promised it would give you all time to warm up.

“Right then,” Tom smiled, eyes crinkling from the smirk. “Let’s finish this game of Clue.”

You’re holding Tom’s hand while you go from shop to shop. There’s no actual street separating the stores across from each other, so you’re free to walk wherever you please. Harry has a camera around his neck, Sam walking with a water bottle in one hand and Elysia’s hand in the other. Harrison is pointing out every stupid detail that could possible link back to the next season of Stranger Things. They’d been hung up on the last season’s ending, impatiently waiting for new episodes to arise. Tuwaine is feeding him on, gossiping about new theories. You’re laughing at them, adding onto the conversation as much as you can.

They’re not as reserved, today. Maybe it’s the sunshine of London, or maybe they’re just a bit overprotective when anything related to work pops up into the conversation or the mind. You don’t want to think much of it, though, because you’re still getting somewhere, and any progress is progress for everyone.

You’re stopped outside of a shop while Sam and Elysia are inside browsing the shelves. You’re all standing around the entrance waiting for them to return, but your phone rings rather loudly and consistently, so you excuse yourself to take the call, walking a way for some privacy.

“Hey, Tar.” You speak into the mobile device. “What’s up?”

Though you’re barely five minutes into the call, you can tell it’s going to be an important one — one that regards the script of your brother’s upcoming film. Sam and Elysia finally emerge from the shop while you're still on the call, and though they can only hear one end of the conversation, they urge to listen in. Tom had gone to get pretzels with Tuwaine from a small bakery, leaving the boys to wait for each of you to come back.

You’re still talking on the phone, though, and they’re listening to you frantically talking to your brother, though they don’t know it’s your brother on the other end.

“No, you should replace that second fade-in scene with the rough draft Jon wrote last week — yes the one from the producer’s room. The… yeah the cherry one too.”

After hearing what could’ve been you talking about Tom’s work, Harrison runs to get Tom before you can return.

“What’s up?” Tom’s licking his fingers from the cinnamon of a pretzel.

“Y/N…. she’s messing with your work.”

“What?” His brows furrow as he tries to understand what they’re saying.

“Yeah. She’s changing things about Cherry and something with Jon Watts-”

“And you know this because?”

Harry blushes. “We eavesdropped on her phone call.”

Tom raises a stern brow. “You know that’s not polite.”

“But she’s not even an actress or anything! What if she’s sabotaging your work?”

Tom tries not to laugh too hard. “You sound like someone from a Disney Channel show.”

“You can’t deny it’s a little fishy.” Harrison’s buff arms cross over chest and Tom sighs just as you’re about to come back.

“Just be careful with her.” Sam whispers as you arrive.

“What’re we doing now?”

Nobody manages to answer you, and you can tell the dynamic has shifted slightly. Tom had gone back to the pretzel shop for Tuwaine, and you’re left alone with the rest of the group.

“Are you meddling with Tom’s work?” Harrison manages to to get out after a few awkwardly silent moments.

“What?”

“We heard you on the phone.” Sam elaborates.

“I worked on Cherry with Tom, y’know.” He moves his camera slightly and you can see his demeanor grow defensive.

“Yeah… and?” You’re trying your best to understand, but there seems to be a gap for the misunderstanding.

“I think you should tell Tom what you’re doing to his work?”

“What’s going on?” Tom disrupts the circle that had once surrounded you, with questions and with people.

“Y/N has something to confess.”

Tom looks from Harry to you, wearily, curious as to where this is going.

“Yeah…” You trail off, thinking. “Your brothers have been listening to my conversations.”

“Within reason!” Harrison is quick to jump to the defense. “You’re a bit fishy.”

“I’m fishy for helping my brother?”

“You were talking to your brother about Tom’s upcoming movie?” Harry’s fast in deciphering your words. You’re stunned, face showing pure bewilderment.

“My brother happens to be Taron Egerton; we have this ongoing joke about fruits and scenes for scripts. Cherry is what we say for…. For the number two.”

“Oh.”

Tom rolls his eyes as the group realizes their mistakes. They’re looking down at their feet while Tom comes to your side, hand on the small of your back.

“Don’t you have something to say to my dear Y/N?” Tom’s rubbing it in slightly, and it makes you laugh.

“We’re really sorry. It was rude and impolite and… yeah.” The rest of them say other things along those lines, and you nod in forgiveness.

“It’s alright. Tom told me you all were… protective or… of the sorts.” They laugh dryly at your twist of words, and you return it with a smile. “We cool, though?”

“God yes.” Harry exhales with relief. “As long as you are.”

“Good.” Tom smiles, eyes still reading as the ‘stern older brother.’ “No more of that nonsense.”

#tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb #tom holland oneshot #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland

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sleeping-on-cracking-ice · 3 years

Note

can u do the sfw alphabet for nigari pls??

Sure! Hope you enjoy! 💕

SFW Alphabet | Suguru Niragi

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

Character: Suguru Niragi

Genre: dark

Warnings: strong toxic relationship themes, obsessive themes, blood, threatening, manipulation, gaslighting, physical & emotional abuse, a couple of suggestive themes, mention of body checking, mention of killing sprees

Author’s Note: I know I’ve mentioned this before, but just a reminder that I prefer to write Niragi as his true character. I would prefer not to pretend that he’s secretly a good man, because he’s not. Please do not read if you find any of the warnings upsetting or triggering! I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable!

*this is based in the Borderlands

A - Affection

(How affectionate are they? How would they show affection?)

His love language is so hard to decide

I think he’s a mix of quality time and physical affection

There would be random times where he would just follow you around The Beach

He wouldn’t necessarily even talk to you, just trail you like a shadow

You would be well aware he’s there, he’s not that good at keeping quiet since he’s such a heavy-foot

But you never tell him that, and just give him the satisfaction of believing he’s being sneaky

He would give you random pecks on the cheek when walking past you in the halls

There has been times when you would be talking to someone and he would just run up and pick you up from behind and run off while laughing

B - Best Friend

(What would they be like as a best friend?)

He’d be the most annoying piece of shit

You’d never get alone time, he would always just pop out of the most random places just to annoy you

He wouldn’t want a best friend that couldn’t take his harsh jokes

Everyone at The Beach would be terrified of you two

You’re like the most dangerous duo, no one would want to be put with you two for a game, it’s a guaranteed lose

C - Cuddles

(Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He would have a weird obsession for cuddling you

Would NEVER do it in front of anyone else though

He’d demand your cuddles, like he would get angry if you refused

Sometimes would just randomly grab you from your friends and drag you to his room so he can lay his head on your lap

“Play with my hair,” “Niragi, I wasn’t finishe-” “Shut up and just do it.”

Would fall asleep just from you braiding his hair

Don’t move though, if he wakes up he’ll accuse you of trying to leave

D - Domestic

(Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He kind of pushed you into moving into his room with him

He said it’s better because it’s bigger due to his higher wristband number

Would start to believe that you’re kind of becoming more close from moving into his room

But, he’s so bad at maintenance

His job is security, so he doesn’t know how to work in a kitchen or let alone clean

You’d have to clean the room and wash the laundry yourself

Sometimes Niragi would feel a bit guilty and try and help, but would fail miserably and become too embarrassed to even keep assisting

E - Ending

(If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Brutally

No remorse whatsoever from this man

If he broke up with you, he would tell you in the meanest way possible, probably through public humiliation

If you broke up with him though, oh no hun

He’d at first just not let you break up with him and give you a warning

But if you didn’t listen to his warning, all hell would break loose

I’m talking about pouring buckets of blood through your windows, shooting bullet holes through your door with his rifle in the middle of the night, threatening to kill those close to you

You wouldn’t be able to take it, eventually just going back to him just to make him stop

{Here’s a short headcanon elaborating on this further}

F - Fiancé(e)

(How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Getting married in the Borderlands is impossible, but Niragi would always look towards the future with you

He would’ve dreamt about going back to the real world and finally being able to marry you

Sometimes he thinks maybe you could run away from The Beach with him and get married by yourselves

But yeah, he would be quick with moving forward and be committed completely to your relationship

G - Gentle

(How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

You already know what I’m going to say

He would never be gentle, it’s not in his personality at all

Physically, he wouldn’t be fragile with you

He’d rough you up a lot, grabbing your wrists or pulling you harshly by your shirt

But when you approach him about it, he would gaslight you into believing that you made him do it and that he has to control you to keep you safe

Emotionally, no

Doesn’t hold any regard for your feelings, says whatever the hell he wants to say

Don’t even think about opening your emotions to him, he would shut them down so quickly by belittling you

“Aww my wittle bunny feewing sad? Deal with it, I’m not a therapist.”

H - Hugs

(Do they like hugs? How often would they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Very sudden and tight hugs

Always gives you a jump scare by sprinting up behind you and throwing his arms around your waist

He would hug you as often as he could

He doesn’t care if you refuse his hugs when it’s just the two of you

But when you refuse in front of people, he gets embarrassed and makes a mental note to teach you a small lesson later

I can imagine him having quite warm skin, so sometimes you would push yourself into his arms if the breeze was making you cold

I - I Love You

(How fast do they say the L-word?)

Would say it as a joke, before you guys were even together

Probably to tease you, or take you by shock

Or maybe that was him being genuinely honest

In the relationship, he would say it when you’re mad at him, because he can’t take you seriously when you’re mad

“Niragi can you cut that out!?” “NOoooo I love you~”

J - Jealousy

(How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Ohhhh no, they can’t get any worse than this man

His jealousy would be out of control

You can’t even smile at anyone else in his presence

If you did, he would grab your jaw and make you look at him again

One time a new member of The Beach thought that they could try and kiss you, not knowing that you were the infamous Niragi’s S/O

Let’s just say that no one saw them after that incident

He also once backed a man against a wall with his sniper rifle to his head for staring at your ass for a bit too long

Don’t make this man jealous, it never ends well

K - Kisses

(What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He would use so much tongue it would be suffocating

And he would hold your head in his hands roughly so you couldn’t pull away

When it’s just you two by yourself, there wouldn’t be a moment where his lips were off you

Is obsessed with kissing your neck, could never get enough of it

Would absolutely love it if you kissed around his ears, like he would melt

When in out at the pool or in the lobby with everyone else, he would actually prefer to not kiss at all

He would feel weird if people stared, cause you were his and his only and he didn’t want other people looking at you

L - Little Ones

(How are they around children?)

He would hate kids

He wouldn’t carry a shred of love for them

Most kids would be terrified of him anyway

Kids (if there is any at The Beach) would approach him because they thought his piercings or gun was cool, but he would say some freaky shit that would scare them off

I mean most people would tell kids to stay away from him anyway

But he would have this weird love for watching you play and look after kids

He didn’t know what it was, but it always made him fall deeper in love to see you playing immature games just to keep the children happy and smiling

M - Morning

(How are mornings spent with them?)

You would always wake up before Niragi

Don’t try and leave the bed though because otherwise he would instantly wake and drag you back into his arms and hold you ten times tighter like a cage

Most mornings would be you laying in bed contemplating what to do for the day while waiting for Niragi to wake up

When he does eventually, he would instantly want cuddles and kisses

You don’t get a choice in it of course

Waking up would be a slow process, but you would get there eventually

N - Night

(How are nights spent with them?)

Niragi always works around The Beach until late, so he would probably tell you to go back to the room around 11pm

You would spend the time reading or sitting out on the balcony and watching the stars

Niragi would come back and walk out to the balcony to find you

He would wrap his hands around your waist and push his face into your neck, nipping at your skin

“Are you coming to sleep or what?”

O - Open

(When would they start revealing things about themselves?)

This man would have walls upon walls upon walls

He’s never opened up to someone before and he wasn’t going to start just because he had a partner

He spent years building his personality so he could protect himself from others, why would he suddenly tear it down?

He wouldn’t, the furthest you could ever probably get with him is during a screaming match between you two, he said something in the heat of the moment about his shitty childhood

You would freeze and not say anything as he storms out

But other than that, you were never getting anything out of him

P - Patience

(How easily angered are they?)

I actually don’t think he’d be that easily angered

You could do anything, scream at him, punch him, insult him but he would always keep that cocky smirk on his face

But if you were to publicly humiliate him, that would be another story

If you try to show dominance over him in front of his militant group or other members of The Beach, he wouldn’t hesitate to slap you in front of everyone

He always wanted to be conveyed as the top of the food chain at The Beach, so if you came anywhere near to damaging that reputation, he’d make sure you were put in your place

Q - Quizzes

(How much would they remember about you?)

Every little thing

He’d know you better than you know yourself

It would honestly become frustrating though, because he would know when you’re lying or when you’re hiding something just from your body language alone

I feel like he would ask the chefs who made food at The Beach to always make your favourite dish that reminded you of home

It would probably be the only actual human decency Niragi would show to you

R - Remember

(What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

His favourite memory of your relationship would be when you brought back a gift for him after your game

You walked past a cute trinket shop on the way back and saw a small glass raven in the window

You thought Niragi would like it because one of his favourite animals is a raven

He would be over the moon excited, but would try to play it off like it’s nothing

He’d keep it on his bedside table and clean it everyday so it stays shiny

S - Security

(How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’d never let you out of his sight

He’s incredibly controlling, so he wouldn’t let you have a say in most things

He would always have you by his side, arm around your should tucking you into his chest

No one would even approach you when you’re with him because they’d be too scared he’d get the wrong idea

One time he threw someone over the bar counter and into the glass alcohol bottles because they thought they could try and lure you into their room

He’d be very much over dramatic, almost killing anyone who tried to hurt or flirt with you

At games, he would not let go of your hand

He wouldn’t let you do anything, he would drag you around and kill anyone he sees

Being with him would be a guaranteed win every time, but he sure would make you feel awful about it

T - Try

(How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He wouldn’t put that much effort at all I think

He’d see all that petty romance stuff as insignificant and a bit stupid

Wouldn’t bother remembering anniversaries, I mean there wouldn’t be much of a point while being stuck in the Borderlands

He has the mindset that you should devote yourself to one another without the need of gifts or dates

The closest you would ever come to getting a date with him is those nights you would spend together on the roof to look at the stars

But even then he would complain about it, because you would have to end up dragging him up there yourself since he doesn’t let you go anywhere without him

U - Ugly

(What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

You already know

Too many to count

He’s violent, he’s aggressive, he’s overprotective, he’s obsessive, he’s abusive, he’s unforgiving, he’s stubborn, he’s unempathetic, he’s psychotic

The list could go on forever

It would always make you question why you ever got involved with him in the first place, even if he didn’t give you much of a choice

Probably the only good thing you would get from him is constant attention and guaranteed protection from anything that could potentially harm you

Being with the scariest man on The Beach would have few pros, but they would still be useful at times

V - Vanity

(How concerned are they with their looks?)

I actually think he’s really concerned about his physical appearance

He probably pierced his own eyebrow, nose and tongue while he was in the Borderlands to appear more threatening

In the mornings, he would take forever to get ready

Probably does body checks in random reflections throughout the day

Yeah idk, I just think based off his personality, he would try so hard to come across as intimidating to keep his insecurities away

Sometimes he would tell you to tell him your favourite things about him just to reassure himself

He wouldn’t even care if you were lying, just hearing it would make him feel somewhat less insecure

W - Whole

(Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He would go clinically insane if he lost you somehow

He’s obsessed with you, why wouldn’t he?

If you didn’t return from a game or if you randomly disappeared, a few people were definitely become a victim of his rage

Would go on a killing spree, blinded by his anger and sadness

Would probably regret it and just sob loudly in your shared room for a bit, hugging your clothes to his chest

He would go searching for you everyday, wouldn’t even keep track of his visa

He had to find you, otherwise he would lose himself further than he already had

X - Xtra

(A random headcanon for them)

I feel like you would be the only person who would be allowed to touch his sniper rifle (I hope that’s what his gun’s called)

I mean obviously not to use against him, but he would give it to you if he ever had to be separate from you during a game for some reason

He would take you out to shooting practice, just aiming at crows or tree branches to help you get the hang of it

Sometimes the shot would be so forceful you would fly backwards onto your back

Niragi would always laugh hysterically at you when that happens

He would never let you use it at The Beach without his supervision though, he’d be so scared you would injure yourself

Y - Yuck

(What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He would hate a partner with a huge personality

Would very much prefer someone who was more quiet and timid, because they would be easier to control

And he just loves the thought of looking after and protecting someone, even though he’d be really bad at making you feel safe around him

He wouldn’t like someone who acted independent and didn’t need him

He’s insecure so he would need that reassurance that someone wants him

In general wise, I think he would hate sleeping

Somehow he just manages to run off 2 hours sleep everyday

He would get tired but he would just despise sleeping for some reason

It might be nightmares of insomnia, but he never really would bring it up so you wouldn’t ask

Z - Zzz

(What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He has to be hugging something

He cannot sleep without having both arms and both legs wrapped around you

If you were being stubborn, he would just squeeze you tighter

You’d still be in the same position in the morning

Doesn’t care if you’re overheating, he if wants you close then he’ll make sure you are

863 notes · View notes

eureka-its-zico · 3 years

Text

Irrevocably Yours Pt. 2

Part 1

Request: hey! can i request a scenario of jungkook being a rich kid who has some of his legs is leg failure , basically can't walk without a cane , And he falls in love with a normal girl , and they end up running away , happy ending plz , also if u can , LIT IT Up with smut ' thank u ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A/N: So Part 2 is that slow burn build up (with possible cute moments?) and part 3 will be the actual SMUTTY goodness. Hopefully this is something cute and fluffy that is enjoyable and helps progress the story a little more so when a full length next part of a bunch of smut comes it all makes sense. Or idk anymore lol I edited this thing four times and I just really hope you all like it Please enjoy this wordy mess. I wasn’t sure how to properly write it out the end and yeah...I winged it. If it needs to be fixed lmk please!! As always, I hope you all enjoy. Much love, Jenn

P.s. when I wrote this I listened to Lauv’s “I Like Me Better,” and Pink Sweat$ Feat. Kehlani’s “At My Worst,” on repeat like crazy.

Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 15,496 (I know:it’s a hefty boy)

Genre: Fluffy/Smutty, slow burn,

The next day at school you weren’t a hundred percent sure what was going to happen. And sure, maybe you did wake up from a dream replaying that moment in the mud. The ending is a little bit different. This time, dream you didn’t let your chance to kiss him go by. When the opportunity presented itself, and you were both looking at one another like before, you’d leaned forward and kissed him. You weren’t surprised to feel him kissing you back.

You could still feel the ghost of the imagination of him leaning down to press his lips against yours. The way he leaned in; eyes soft with longing as his body leaned deeper in against you. The weight of him pressing you into the mud until you were sure an imprint of this moment would be there forever. This imaginary kiss you’d shared was sweet, chaste, and everything you could’ve hoped for. Deepening at the last second as your alarm blared you back into realty.

It made you want to ring your hands through your hair in frustration.

Your whole walk to school was nothing but foggy images of the dream on repeat. A mixture of yesterday’s events accompanied them with each frame until you weren’t sure which was the actual moments or what your head had created. I mean, you did know he didn’t kiss you, but...the look in his eyes. Maybe Jungkook hadn’t, but there was that moment you swore maybe he felt the painful comedic romance moment of it all too.

All these unanswered what if’s you'd created had built an impossible chasm that seemed to stretch infinitely wider between you in your head. In the end, you were your own bully as your mind stayed up until three that morning playing out every scenario you could think of. Even the ones that ended with you probably reading everything wrong, because what did you know about body language? Or, more specifically, boys built like Jeon Jungkook.

It didn’t matter that you had two tests today and never finished your homework for home period, but what the hell. Nothing like hopelessly daydreaming about the boy who may or may not have flirted with you and harmonized along to songs with a hidden voice of an angel, am I right? And sure, a large part of your night was spent chastising yourself half the time to remind you there was no way in hell Jungkook could feel that way towards you. Even just a little. Your inner monologue of bringing yourself back down to earth, another culprit in the growing list of reasons why none of your assignments were completed.

What can you say? You were a mess.

Your only game plan you’d been able to agree on was just to daydream out the window. Writing out your own hapless love story starring the boy who sat across from you in the home room. With a silent plea to the universe that you weren’t called on to answer any questions.

Your arrival at homeroom was met with barely seconds to spare. The bell rang behind you, and a few other students, as you rushed towards your desk.

“Hurry, hurry to your seats! Or I’ll write you up as late!”

Mr. Choi was all talk. Everyone knew it and his excessive arm movements to rush every body that passed his desk made him look exactly like a conductor. His crazy movements were enough to distract you for a split second from the one person you were desperate to ignore.

“Good morning, class. I hope you are all fully rested and awake for class this morning. Let’s have us open our books to page two hundred and forty-two and continue on with our lesson.”

In unison the sound of backpacks unzipping with students reaching in their backpacks to bring out textbooks filled the class. The only person who didn’t currently have said book was holding his hand up, and seated directly across from you.

“Yes, Jungkook?”

“Seonsaengnim, I’m sorry. I haven’t received my textbooks yet.”

“Ah, that’s alright, Jungkook. You can go ahead and share with Y/N, again.”

You hoped your face wasn’t giving away the panic you felt rising up to match the blush that was streaking across your cheeks. Jungkook’s hand was already on the leg of your desk. His fingers tips grazing across your knee in passing as his hand wrapped around the bar and used it to bring you closer to him. You kept your eyes glued to page two hundred and forty-three and refused to look in his direction. Jungkook seemed to find a way to remedy this; his hand came into view and grabbed hold of the book corner and slid it over to his side. And as if he was the world’s greatest magician, he now had your attention.

Your eyes immediately shoot up to acknowledge his presence, instead of staying on the book. You knew that devilish smirk of his would be there to greet you even before you actually saw it.

“Well, good morning to you too, Y/N.”

His voice practically hummed a tune as he spoke. His eyes heavily searched your face, and you prayed whatever he found wasn’t any lasting signs of rosy cheeks.

“Good morning, Jungkook. I hope you slept well.”

“I slept very well, thank you.”

“That’s good-“

He cut you off fast, his next words a hush of teasing: “Even though some crazy girl tried to smother me in mud yesterday.”

Your world narrowed in on his smug position in his chair, but quickly realized he just wanted your attention. The smile he wore softened around the edges as his eyes tried to look away from you and yet found their way back. You did your best to hide your smile and must have failed miserably for his face noticeably brightened.

“I’m sure if that’s what she was doing - which I doubt - you probably deserved it.”

Jungkook pretended to be wounded and caused you to practically jump out of your seat when his free hand landed on top of yours.

“I can’t believe you think I deserve to be smothered,” he pouted.

You rolled your eyes in a weak attempt to look away from him. Anything to not be swallowed up by how stupidly cute he looked in this exact moment. The fingers that held your pencil lazily tapping on the pages of the math book to bring his focus to something else that wasn’t you.

“We need to pay attention.”

It was the only valuable excuse you could come up with to look away from him. But who were you kidding? You didn’t have to be looking in Jungkook’s direction to be painfully aware that he was there. His own gaze burned straight through you and left a trail of heat everywhere his eyes seemed to land.

Right now, you were aware they were on your lips and stirring every emotion from your dream you tried to suppress. Plus, you weren’t being cute. Unless Jungkook found the sight of you chewing your bottom lip into dust attractive.

It was a terrible nervous habit that seemed to only backfire right this second. You were sure he was ready to make a comment on it. You waited patiently for it to come in between you mindlessly copying equations off the board and the sea of arms flying up to answer whatever it was you’d just written. My gosh, you were trying so damn hard to not pay attention that you were doing nothing but paying attention to him.

Please don’t let him just see I’m doodling.

Mr. Choi was in the middle of showing how to work out a long equation when you decided it was safe to give Jungkook a glance. It was instantaneous how quickly you regretted it.

You jumped back against your seat in a weak attempt to recover some space. You weren’t exactly sure how you’d missed it -missed him- getting so close, but you had. Jungkook’s face was mere inches from yours and it took everything to not show him you weren’t at all bothered.

“Jungkook,” you whispered fiercely. “What.are.you.doing!”

Jungkook ignored your question. His eyes squinting as they looked around the side of your head. The gesture made you increasingly subconscious until you couldn’t keep your hand from going up to brush alongside it.

“What? What is it?”

You were expecting the worst.

“I think I see some mud still stuck inside your ear.”

And like magic your earlier blush reappeared. Your tongue rolled against the bottom of your teeth in a weak attempt to keep yourself from smiling. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to stop it as the urge to give in tugged mercilessly at your lips. The playful glint in his eyes was enough to keep the panic of how incredibly close he still was. Your eyes hopelessly glancing at the pair of lips that plagued your dreams.

Jungkook noticed.

And how did you know this, you might ask?

Jungkook gave it away by the dramatic way his lower lip was drawn in by his teeth. Every movement he made sure was exaggerated and stupidly slow. His eyes watch for your reaction. He didn’t have to wait long; your eyes were glued to them long before his teeth joined the equation. You should’ve felt more embarrassed at your own blunt display - or maybe at his -but, god help you, you weren’t.

You tore your gaze away from him and did your best to pretend whatever part of the lesson you’d missed was interesting. The dirt on your shoes could’ve been more interesting at this moment; anything to keep you from looking back at him.

“I rinsed my hair three times in the shower. Thank you very much.”

“Did you think of me while you were washing yourself clean?”

If what Jungkook was after was seeing your face light up brighter than a tomato he’d succeeded. Your cheeks instantly flushed and felt scolding hot. The only line of defense you could think of to fight the devilish look in his eyes was to give him a smack on his arm. The motion only caused his sinister smile to turn into a full blown grin; a bark of laughter leaving him seconds later.

Jungkook chuckled out an, “Ouch!” His body leaning back, faux wounded, and rays of sunshine pouring out of him in waves.

“I meant when you were getting the mud out of your hair.” His voice carried the singing sweetness of his laughter; airy and light. This boy who you did think of in the shower. All hard edges and softness; sour and sweet. Your very own sour patch kid. “I mean, I thought of you when I tried scrubbing it out from behind my ears.”

Your heart gave a brief jump at his omission. What you wished you would’ve focused on was the fact he’d admitted to thinking of you...in his own shower. But nope! Instead, your mind appeared to focus more on the fact it was while he scrubbed at his ears.

“I scrubbed my ears too.”

Oh. My. God, you inwardly cringed.

Is that really what your magical brain decided to say in return? Jungkook leaned back in, eyes inspecting not just your ear, but your entire space. Recklessly moving in dangerously close, and your heart was ready to beg for mercy. Whether to completely close the space between you or to stop teasing, of which you weren’t sure.

“It appears you didn’t do that good of a job,” he huffed.

A gurgled scream flew into your throat; the sound was utterly ridiculous and Jungkook ate it up. His head flew back in laughter as your hand moved to swat at him again.

The disruption turned the attention of your teacher directly to the two of you, and Mr. Choi was quick to address it.

“Jean Jungkook! Y/L/N, Y/N!”

The both of you rose from your seats in unison. Jungkook’s rise the definition of graceful, while yours in comparison was met with anxiety and your knees colliding with your desk. Your small “Oomph,” of pain sending him into a fit of giggles beside you. The hand you sent in to pinch at his leg only sent him into another fit.

“Y/N!”

Stupid, stupid! Of course he would see.

“Seonsaengnim!”

To appease him, you felt your body respond in a ninety-degree salute. Your face keeping down to stare at your shoes and praying you weren’t about to be sent out of the room.

“Would you mind explaining what Jungkook and you found so interesting that the two of you felt like you didn’t need to be a part of class.”

God, it wasn’t a question. He really wanted you to tell him, and what could you say?

“Oh, he was just asking me if I was in the shower...thinking of him. And he was thinking of me too!”

Which wasn't a lie. Maybe it wasn’t as dirty as he might have intended, but it was enough to make your cheeks flush to life with their usual color these days. Your mind was still racing with an appropriate answer for Mr. Choi. You were taking so long you were ready to blurt out anything he might want to hear.

“Seonsaengnim.” Jungkook gave a respectful bow and lifted his head. His full attention now resting on the impatiently waiting man at the front of the class. “We were discussing the fact that you, respectfully, have written the equation wrong on the board.”

The entire class seized up. A collective air was taken at Jungkook’s bold attempt to correct him. It was awkwardly obvious that he wasn’t happy at the idea of being corrected. However, Jungkook remained unfazed and waited for the right time to speak.

“Is that so?” He snapped. “If it is so wrong, Jeon, then please, come and fix it for me.”

You were sure his order for Jungkook to go to the front would make him back down . No one enjoyed doing class work on the board up front for all to see. But you’d forgotten Jungkook wasn’t like everyone else. He kept his head high and moved to grab his cane; his hand wrapping tightly to its handle. Jungkook stepped out from inside his desk and let his feet carry him forward. He walked with a noticeable lack of a limp and you were willing to bet that strike of pride was costing him.

It wasn’t that you couldn’t believe that Jungkook was able to walk without it. It was just that your memory forced you to recall the pain he was in during the field trip. The flashes of frustration as his eyes threatened to spill over with tears.

Jungkook came to stand beside Mr. Choi. His hand reaching out to take the marker that the older man had held out waiting for him to prove his equation wrong. He plucked it from the older man’s hand and moved the last few inches to stand in front of the board. His eyes scanning the problem quickly. Your breath held tight in your chest as you watched him get permission to grab the eraser. The class transfixed on his every movement.

You wondered how many of the girls in your class focused on him like you were. The same way your eyes ate up every simple movement he made. The notable flex of his back while he stretched to erase the middle and last part of what Mr. Choi had written out.

“You had a good start here, Seonsaengnim.” Jungkook paused to stretch out his hand. Fingers marking underneath the start of the problem. “But you didn’t multiply these after they were divided, and because of this the middle became wrong. With your core of the problem being wrong the solution was never able to end in its final conclusion.”

With every word, Jungkook’s voice became more self-assured. His presence enveloping the room and demanding the attention he’d already received without question. Mr. Choi watched on with his arms crossed; index finger hugging his mouth in concentration as he watched Jungkook work. From the back of the class, you could see students writing down the new formula. Some of them realized the obvious error Mr. Choi had made.

Jungkook looked at the problem over again on repeat. If it’d been you, you would have left it where it was knowing you’d done what no one else did. But Jungkook wanted to know, for himself, that it was correct.

Finally, he stepped back from the whiteboard and handed the marker back to Mr. Choi. Who looked measurably impressed with him. His index finger he’d used for thinking now covered up a timid smile before he dropped it to grab a hold of the marker.

“Go ahead and have a seat, Jungkook.”

Jungkook gave him a passing bow as he made his way back towards the back of the class. Back to you. It took everything you had not to notice how everyone’s view of him seemed to change. Even the honor students; the ones bound for scholarship glory to prestigious colleges now seemed to take new interest in him.

You’d heard stories about Jungkook, like everyone else did. The Boy Wonder. The boy who seemed unfairly good at everything. Before you’d ever met him, a part of you believed there wasn’t a way the universe would seriously do that. And yet, as he moved to sit back down beside you, you suddenly felt the overwhelming sensation of being below average. Your subconscious rose up to stop whatever sunlight you’d felt at his earlier words, and crushed it until it began to dim. All but snuffing it out.

Jungkook fell back into the seat at his desk riding the high of confidence he’d gained from proving he’d know how to fix the answer. Not just know it; teach it. The air around him completely changed. He was the sun and the rest of you were becoming helplessly lost in his orbit. From the backwards glances of the others around you, you were pretty sure they weren’t going to mind one bit.

Either Jungkook was honestly oblivious to all the attention or he just didn’t care. He practically beamed as he leaned himself closer to you completely unaware at how breathless he made you. That smile you’d admired during your field trip showed itself beaming and bright. He was so damn pleased with himself his eyes sparked with joy and you wish you could’ve pouted. Maybe found the strength not to care or to wonder if he could see how he affected you.

You wanted to pout and be in your own bubble, damn it.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. I don’t think he’ll bother us again.”

Us.

Those butterflies you’d sworn to yourself you were not feeling towards him began to come to life. Or were they butterflies? You weren’t sure what to call the feeling Jungkook gave you.

Sure, Jungkook made your heart thunder in your chest like a caged animal. And yea, maybe you swore to yourself there was an attraction there that you couldn’t explain, but that was just your dopamine talking. That didn’t mean the two of you were soulmates or the universe decided to bring you both together by a mess of unseen choices.

But...when Jungkook looked at you this way it was hard to tell your thundering heart anything else.

The two of you continued to look at one another. A heartbeat of time passing between you with Jungkook waiting for your reply. You watched the edges of his smile start to wilt as realization set in that you weren’t planning to reply. No smile or teasing remark was headed his way, and just as fast as he noticed it, determination swiftly replaced the light weighted joy he’d shown moments earlier.

“Hey, you don’t have to worry. I’m positive he will leave us alone the rest of the class. I promise.”

God, why did he have to make things so difficult? When Jungkook spoke the words, “I promise,” they’d been so earnest. He meant them. Here he was trying to turn the tables and be your knight, instead of you being his. It would have worked, but what he didn’t know was that you weren’t worried about Mr. Choi. Not really.

No one could tear you down further than you were able to do to yourself.

He was still waiting for the answer that you would never give. You turned to face forward in your chair and tried to forget the ripple of sadness that moved over his face. The cost of your stubbornness suddenly felt too high. No matter how it made you feel though, you refused to look over in his direction.

An awkward chasm had built between the two of you. Mostly, well, obviously it was all because of you. You figured Jungkook would eventually stop looking at you. You prayed he would stop. Every time he did it your body became painfully aware of his gaze, and the longing it held for you to acknowledge him. And every time you remained facing front. You no longer could pretend to focus, however, and that seemed to be all the signs Jungkook needed to know you were in some way paying attention.

Your notebook that’d been left unattended on the desk became his private art museum. The doodles started off silly and slowly morphed into small faces and objects that held impressive detail. You tried your best to ignore it; his arm practically took up most of the space on your desk. The angle forced him to shoulder into your space to the point that if you did finally turn to look at him you’d run inches away from his cheek.

You were doing your best to pay attention to whatever your teacher was doing at the front. Your eyes watched as a wave of hands went up to answer questions you’d never heard. Yours kept sliding back down to the latest doodle he was making. The latest one he was working on had forced Jungkook to move further inland on your notepad. His forearm getting dangerously close to having to rest in your lap.

It continued like this the remainder of class. For all the effort you’d put in the last half hour of pretending he wasn’t there, Jungkook shattered it within seconds.

He’d repositioned himself with each new doodle he started. His shoulder wedged itself against yours and his forearm had completely taken up what little space was left on your desk. You were trying very hard to not pay attention to how said forearm was dangerously close to your chest. There was no hiding the redness of your cheeks.

Without thinking, you whipped your head to look at him and almost yelled. You knew he was close, but nothing prepared you for this.

“Excuse me,” you whispered, voice incredulous.

Jungkook turned to look at you and...was he pouting? His eyes played up on the childish quality as he turned to you and batted his eyes.

“Can I help you?”

“Ugh, can I help you? Do you need paper or something?”

“I have paper right here. Thanks.”

Jungkook patted the notepad with the end of his pen. Satisfied with his answer he turned his attention back to his latest artistic endeavor.

“You know this is my desk. Right?”

“I like to think of it more like our desk. Sharing a space like we shared music.”

“Ya, Jungkook. You realize you blackmailed me into using my ipod.”

Jungkook feigned shock. His mouth dropping open and his eyes brows going too high up into his hairline. The entire scene was exaggerated and ridiculous. The scene forced you to roll your lips against your teeth to keep from smiling. The effort it took to hide your grin wasn’t unnoticed by Jungkook, and you couldn’t help but wonder if that’d been his goal all along.

“Blackmail sounds so crass. I like to think of it as bargaining.”

“So we agree it’s called blackmail, then.”

The theatrics of his face dropped into a serious stare that left his face completely blank. Void of all emotion except the annoyance that drew a heavy frown from his face. It was stupidly cute and this time you did allow yourself to smile. Your fingers reached out to grab one of his puffed out cheeks and gave it a sweet pinch, like a grandmother, and cooed in his direction.

“Oooooh Jungkookie, don’t frown. We’ve all gotta be wrong sometimes.”

He playfully nipped at your hand to make you snatch it away. It took everything in you not to make a sound at his sudden movement. Your mouth hung open in an awkward smile-shout as you brought your handle against your chest.

“I think you’re misinterpreting the facts here. Maybe you hit your head on a small pebble or something when you fell in the mud.”

“You mean when you pulled me in.”

He shrugged and replied nonchalantly, “I don’t think I recall any force being used yesterday. You just fell on my chest trying to take advantage of me in my time of need.”

Now it was your turn to look deadpanned in his direction. Jungkook didn’t try to hide his wicked smile, however, and the cage of butterflies that were housed in your gut were released all over again.

“Your appa must be a lawyer. It’d explain why you’re so good at bullshitting.”

“CEO, actually. But I would say you’re close. They are also full of shit.”

You weren’t sure what to say to this omission about his father. Underneath the sarcasm felt like a heavy chasm that spoke of the death of a relationship. Your curiosity threatened to get the best of you, but you decided to just throw it away. Filing it away inside a little folder you’d made for little known facts about him.

The bell rang and the mass of bodies in class all began to rise from their seats. All of them eager to rush from the classroom and do whatever plans they’d made to enjoy their little bit of freedom. You were reaching for your bookbag when Jungkook’s hand was just there. A part of you worried he’d decided to play a game of keep away, or something that fit his playful mood, Instead, he placed it down on the desk.

“Oh, thank you, Jungkook.”

God. Why were you staring? Why was he staring?

The room was still filled with the small display of chaotic teenage energy. Most of them had already filed out of the classroom, while some were still putting things away. Honor students were arguing with the teacher about markings he’d left on papers. Small groups of friends chatting happily as they moved in tight clusters through the door. So much was going on around you, and yet the only person you were aware of was him.

“You’re welcome. Have a good lunch, Y/N.”

The playful air that’d been around him had completely disappeared. This boy who stood before you now was more reminiscent of when you’d first met than the boy you’d grown to like. What had made him grow so distant?

“You too, Kookie.”

It slipped out. You couldn’t stop yourself. He’d already started to walk away in his retreat. As soon as his pet name you’d given him hit his ears he completely stopped moving. His head whipped around to glance at you with that devilish grin raised high on his cheeks.

“Kookie? Are you calling me a snack?”

If your eyes could’ve gotten any wider, they would’ve left your skull. The embarrassment was hot on your cheeks and you knew Jungkook would tease you without mercy for the slip up. By the look in his eyes you could tell he was never going to let this go. Not ever. He would be too happy to remind you of this until the day you died. Or until graduation. Whichever came first.

This time you scooped up your bookbag and snatched your book off the desk clutching them to your chest. In your haste to grab them and go, your knee collided with the edge of the desk, but you’d worry about that possible bruise later. You just needed to flee before Jungkook got any closer.

“No, no. It was an accident.”

“You called me a snack by accident?”

You were backing up towards the safety of the open hallway. Your shoulders shrugging too high and your laugh too high-pitched in your attempt to play it cool.

“No snack nicknames here. It was just a slip of the tongue. I must just be hungry, ya know.”

“Are you hungry for me?”

Oh, he was intolerable sometimes. It didn’t matter how flustered he made you. A part of you knew his endless teasing was growing on you. You liked it, and the sane part of you wondered if you’d gone crazy.

“Ya, Jungkook-”

“I think you mean, Kookie,” he cut in.

Jungkook held a single finger up to silence you. He’d stopped moving towards you and let out a laugh as you tried to swat his hand down. He looked so much happier than he did moments ago. That alone made his teasing at your expense worth it.

“No I mean, Jungkook. It’s the name your parents gave you.” You stated, proud that your voice sounded more stable than you felt. “I’m gonna go eat my lunch now. You should do the same and I’ll...see you later.”

You waited for him to argue. To continue to make comments in passing to keep your face rosy and flushed. He surprised you by just standing there in silence. His smile wide on his face and eyes looking at you like you’d held the moon. A look you weren’t used to and made you unsure how to respond.

You started to walk back towards the door and found yourself disappointed when he didn’t follow. You sent him an awkward wave as your arms still held onto your things from your desk. Jungkook showed his amusement by giving you a wave in return.

“See you later, Y/N.”

At his words you turned on your heel and headed out towards the courtyard. No longer eager to eat your lunch that you’d packed. Your mind replayed his words and knew, without a doubt, he would keep his word.

—————-

Lunch went by as quickly as it came. Instead of eating your lunch with friends, you’d opted for sulking in the auditorium. Absentmindedly taking small bits off your food as you considered what had happened between Jungkook and you.

There was flirting there. You may be a little delusional, but you weren’t delusional about this. It was obvious to anyone who witnessed it and yet you tried to deny its existence at every turn. Of course, you knew why.

It just didn’t make logical sense. You were two opposites that shouldn’t be in the least bit interested in the other. Well, that didn’t really seem correct when it came to Jungkook. He was attractive to everyone and probably even inanimate objects. But you...you just couldn’t see yourself that way. You’d only ever had one relationship in your life and it had been short-lived and in the third grade.

Throwing what little was left of your sandwich back inside it’s little brown coffin, you removed yourself from your spot. A huff left you as you reached out to pick up your mess and started to hop back down the steps one-by-one.

You weren’t sure what walking around was going to do. For the hundredth time since this day started, you were lost in your own head. The only thing you knew for certain was that you’d hoped to run into him again. A thought came to you that maybe, just this day, he’d shown up in the school's cafeteria.

You could think of a million excuses for why you’d need to go into the cafeteria and it wouldn’t be weird. Just the thought of not coming off weird, while most certainly being weird, made you beam at your own creativity.

You’d reached the last step and we’re crossing the field when you noticed, on the other side, the very boy you were looking for. He was alone and sitting under the shade of the only tree next to the amphitheater. His back against the bark and a knee drawn up to give his notepad a place to perch. Whatever he was writing, drawing, or formulating held his interest and refused to let him look up.

All your previous bravado deflated in a second. It would be harder to deny you weren’t actively seeking him out if you went to him now. But, who said that you wanted too?

Grabbing the strap of your book bag tight, you started back on your mission. Your legs made quick work across the field. It wasn’t until there was only a few feet left between you that he looked up. His brow still furrowed in tight creases of concentration as he decided if you were a friend or foe. Your feet almost tripped over themselves when he smiled at you.

“Y/N!” He called happily. “What brings you over here?”

“I came looking for my snack.”

The surprise on his face made your bold choice of a response worth it. Jungkook, being who he was, quickly recovered and set his notebook and pencil down beside him. He placed his arms casually on his propped up leg and leaned forward as if he was about to tell you a secret.

“Well, you found me. Why did you come looking for me? Really.”

You tried to think quickly of what to say. The idea of telling him the truth, that you’d just wanted to see him, felt painfully honest and might press him to ask for you to explain. How could you explain that in the short time you’d met him he was both the most interesting and infuriating man you’d ever met. But he was also the most beautiful, and had a delicate softness under his hard exterior that you were growing to love. He was basically the perfect description of the onion from Shrek.

An idea clicked in your head and your hands quickly moved inside your bag and produced another brown bag.

“I wanted to come see if you’d eaten. I had some spare kimchi rice ball’s my omma made.”

You extended the bag out to him. Your eyes locked together as you waited for him to either accept it or deny it. Jungkook surprised you by leaning forward and taking it gently from you. It took some effort, but he crossed his legs -his bad one in an awkward position - and plopped the bag down between his legs.

You moved to sit beside him in the grass and took your book bag off your shoulder and into your lap. You watched as he moved to open the bag and peered cautiously inside.

“It’s not a bomb,” you chided.

“I never know with you.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile spreading like wildfire across your lips. Jungkook was so charismatic it felt inevitable and fighting against it was futile. He took a large bite of the rice ball and practically swooned. His eyes had fallen shut and a ridiculous chanting of endless “Mhm’s” had started rising up around you.

“Should I leave you two alone?”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open and for a moment you were worried maybe you did pull him out of some weird food ritual. His eyes were blank and then, all at once, he was back to being his usual animated self. The hand that held the rice ball shaking in your direction before shoving what was left inside his mouth.

“This is unbelievably delicious.” He mumbled around his food. “You said your omma made these?”

“Yup!”

You’d said it in English just to dramatically pop the P at the end. Extending out your own kind of dramatics to match Jungkook’s. You leaned your hands back into the grass and noticed Jungkook watch your every move as you did.

“Is your omma married?”

Your face fell into a deadpan stare as you replied, “Seriously? Of course her and my appa are still married, you creep.”

“If you can cook like your omma, Y/N I’m willing to lend you my amazing tutoring services. All for the low price of making things as delicious as this.”

He was already mid-way through shoving the second rice ball in his mouth. His head tilted back to drop it down. A piece of rice must have dislodged itself from its balled shape, because he erupted in a coughing fit. You couldn’t help but laugh as you handed him your water.

“I think I’ll steer clear of rice treats. Just to make sure you don’t kill yourself.”

Jungkook was about to lift the bottle up to his lips and stopped. His eyes falling on you with a playful glare. You held your hands up in mock surrender as you leaned forward. Your hands clap together to get pieces of grass and soil from your hands.

While he drank the water you’d offered up the two of you fell into companionable silence. You didn’t mind waiting and Jungkook was happy that you did. When he’d finished with the bottle, he set it down beside him. His hand moving like a flopping fish in your direction to make you give him something that you’d had no idea he’d asked for.

“Come on. Let’s see your math homework.”

“For what?”

“To start your tutoring. Duh.”

You hated how cute he’d made the word sound. The way his lips smiled around it and left him beaming at you like a little kid on Christmas.

“Can we pass? We just left the class and I hate math. A lot.”

Jungkook tsked you but didn’t look disappointed.

“You can’t get better at something if you give up on it. Luckily for you, you’ve got the best person in the subject to tutor you.”

“For a fee,” you pointed out.

“All the best things come with a price. I’m most definitely one of them. Now. Book.”

His hand movements were more controlled now. His fingers simply waved once -twice- for you to hurry it up and place what he’d asked in his hand. You really didn’t want any part of this. The thought was sweet, but when you said you hated math you meant it. So yeah, maybe you were grumbling a little as you reached inside your book bag and taking a little longer than was necessary to hand it over.

Jungkook took it from you in one smooth motion and had it open to the spot previously in class. All your homework problems you’d left unfinished glaring against the white of the page. His eyes were already scanning over what little problems you’d written down. A clicking noise from his closed mouth reminding you why exactly you hadn’t finished more of it. The reason was sitting right in front of you.

His hand flicked back out and he held it open. His eyes never lifted off the page as he demanded, “Pencil.”

“What the heck? Why am I supplying everything.”

“Cause I’m supplying myself,” he shot back. His hands taking the pencil you handed over to him. “Plus, I also can’t seem to find any in my bag.”

“You didn’t even look.”

Jungkook gave a graceful shrug. His attention was fully engrossed in the problems. You weren’t ready for how cute he looked. How adorable those concentration creases in his forehead made him look, even deadly serious, with his fingers tapping the pencil absentmindedly on the paper. When he figured out what was missing from the equation he quickly erased and reconfigured everything on the page.

You were staring intently at him, both because his angle’s were ridiculously handsome but also, the way the sun fell down on him here, peaking through the trees, felt like magic. It was hard to believe the universe was more than just molecules and that luck was thrown out randomly. If it was, maybe you’d caught some.

Your thoughts were running wild and your concentration was no longer in the safe zone. Maybe that’s why when he finally looked up from the notebook and found you staring he’d smiled. Not his teasing one. Or the condescending either. This smile was soft like a secret, and directed only at you. \

“See something you like?”

His voice was gentle in his playfulness. As if he wanted to take the cautionary approach in case you were spooked.

“Maybe I do.”

A smile of your own spread to match his and Jungkook wasn’t surprised. He was just happy, and it was a lovely sight to see. He looked away from you with his hand moving up to smooth out the hair on the back of his neck. He flicked the pencil down on the notebook and brought it forward for you to see.

“Let’s get back to this. I’ll be honest with you. It’s pretty bad. You missed a whole line on the third problem that left you with an incomplete answer. Not to mention,” he lifted up the notebook and motioned towards the whole page, “Where is all the rest of the homework?”

Jungkook’s voice was filled with the beginnings of laughter. Not specifically towards you, but just the blatant fact you did not care. You gave him your best nonchalant shrug. In reality, you did care. It bothered you it wasn’t finished.

Your fingers were digging in the grass and ripping some of it up and throwing it out into the field.

“I had a hard time concentrating last night. Plus, if I’m being honest math has always been the hardest subject for me.”

“And that is why I’m going to help you.”

“For a fee,” you reminded him.

“I’ll teach you the easiest way I know how to do these and I promise you, you’ll be flying through these problems in no time.”

The sincerity in his voice was evident. Jungkook really believed it and he wanted you to believe it too. You just couldn’t understand why and you found yourself speaking your mind.

“Why are you wanting to help me?”

It was his turn to shrug his shoulders. His face went blank as he looked at you one last time before he looked away. Whatever he was looking at he wasn’t really seeing. He just needed someplace else to look than the person he was talking to you. You did it plenty of times yourself.

Whatever he’d decided on to say had caused his shoulders to square. Determined that whatever he needed to say he would make sure it meant something.

“I like spending time with you.”

The smile you’d worn completely shattered as you stared at him. The butterflies rushed up and up until they trapped themselves in your throat. Jungkook’s admission was basically three words dropped away from just saying he liked you.

This surprising admission should’ve been enough to make yourself not care who you saw walking. Or care when he stopped, his small mob with him, and start gesturing at his imaginary watch. His fingers rubbing together for money owed.

It was worse when Jungkook looked back and took notice. Even worse when he looked back at you with questions swirling in his eyes.

“Everything okay?”

Your eyes looked down to the safety of your hands. The way they were helplessly fidgeting back in the grass and tearing it apart like a miniature tantrum was brewing inside you. You hated that after all this time, you let Lee Kwon upset you by making you feel embarrassed about your dad. That he felt the need to tell everyone the business deal between his father and yours. How every time he told it he’d turned him more and more into a villain of his own misfortune.

Without a reason why you took back your notebook from Jungkook and shoved it inside your bag. You were ready to leave. You didn’t want to explain, but you knew Jungkook wouldn’t let you just leave without one.

He reached out and his hand gently wrapped around your wrist to stop you. There was no force. Nothing that hinted that he would keep you there if you didn’t want to be kept. Looking at him felt harder. His genuine worry almost threatened to let the tears from your frustration spill forward.

“Hey, Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You shook your head. Your vision dragging away from him and back to the retreating back of the sociopath, Lee Kwon.

You didn’t try to shake him off. You actually felt comforted by his worrisome touch. The way he leaned in closer as if he would pull you into his arms at any moment. As much as you wanted that to happen, you knew it wouldn’t happen. A deep sigh had built up in your chest and you released it while you looked back at him.

“Look. Eventually, I know you’re going to hear about it: my dad, I mean.”

“That’s kind of odd high school kids would talk about someone’s appa.”

“You and me both,” you agreed. “But Kwon’s dad is a banker who doesn’t believe in client confidentiality. So he tells his son about his day over dinner and-“

“And he decides to bring it to school to make your life miserable,” Jungkook finished for you.

He understood and didn’t need you to simplify it anymore. His hand left your arm and you suddenly found yourself missing his comforting touch. It was still there, that comfort, in the way his eyes softened and he leaned in intent to listen to whatever you needed to get off your chest. You appreciated his attention, but also hated it at the same time.

“What’s your Appa’s thing?”

God. He did understand. Maybe just a little too well for your liking.

“Gambling. It started when I was in the seventh grade. At first it wasn’t anything too crazy. He’d always been able to even it out. But then he became obsessed with the idea of winning big. Kept betting on things we couldn’t afford to lose. Eventually, he bet too high and ended up losing the business he and my mom built together and our house. They had to pay the bank back.”

“A bank this dude’s Appa works at.”

“Correct. My Appa...he isn’t a bad man. He’s paid his debt and hasn’t gambled since. What good is it for me or anyone else to make him feel bad for the rest of his life?”

“I don’t get it. Why does that have to do with you, though?”

You’d wondered the same exact thing half of your adolescent life. You shrugged and looked at Jungkook wondering if maybe he’d be able to make sense of it better than you could.

“Twelve year old boys enjoy making up stories. First it was that we became so poor we lived with pigs. That's why I smelled.”

You put air quotations around smelled and Jungkook practically howled with laughter. You tried your best to show no emotion, but could feel the corner of your lips threatening to curl into a smile.

“He probably said it because you didn’t know how to wash back then and, judging from earlier, I still don’t think you do.”

You moved to playfully shove at his shoulder. A scoff of laughter leaving you even though you told yourself you wouldn’t. Jungkook was waiting for you to make a move and when you did he easily grabbed a hold of you. The feeling of intimacy, just like yesterday in the mud, was swimming back to the surface.

Your eyes looked up into his with your laughter being met with a wide grin. The way he was looking at you now made you believe in fairytales and left your lips aching to be kissed.

Before either of you could decide what to do next, the bell for the end of lunch sounded. You could hear it going off all around you, but still the two of you stayed holding each other. Your bodies close enough that if he wanted to make a move all Jungkook needed was to lean down. To say your heart dropped a little when he moved away was an understatement.

You focused on getting up from the grass. Your hands patting down your uniform as you struggle to find something not so awkward to say. You wanted to sound confident. You wanted to sound like you weren’t affected by him at all.

“Well, I’ll see you around.”

God, you sounded awkward. You turned to start heading to your next period. You closed your eyes tight and mouthed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” You’d gotten a few feet away when you heard him call to you.

You turned to look back at him and found him still standing under the tree. His hands in his pockets and his eyes solely on you.

“Would you let me walk you home?”

Did he really have to ask? You’d let him walk you to the edge of a volcano. You didn’t say that, however. You wanted to play it cool, but on the inside you were screaming.

“I’d like that.”

When you turned back around to make your way to class, the memory of how his face had brightened at your reply, stayed with you. You couldn’t wait for the day to end.

_________

True to his word Jungkook waited for you after school. You couldn’t help looking for him over the countless shoulders as you walked with the sea of students towards the entrance. The hole in the pit of your stomach opened back up from the underlying dreadful thought. That he wouldn't show up. You’d be left standing there waiting for him forever. But Jungkook continued to prove your pessimism wrong.

The closer you got to the school’s gate, you were able to spot him instantly. He was leaning coolly against the gate. His bag at his feet and his cane positioned strategically out of view. If anyone just casually walked up, they would’ve never been able to tell he’d needed one. Maybe that was why he’d done it.

He looked to be searching for someone in every face that passed him. It came to an end the minute his roaming eyes found you. No longer did he appear cool and composed. His body became animated with what you could only explain as a giddiness at your oncoming presence.

By the time you reached him, Jungkook was wearing his backpack on his shoulder and his cane in his hand. He was standing and waiting for you. The happiness at being next to you was intoxicating and you could only hope you looked the same.

“It felt like I was waiting forever,” he admitted.

The two of you started in sync out the gate and turned left onto the main road.

“It felt like an eternity just to get to you. I have Mrs. Chun’s chemistry class for the last period. The classroom is pretty far.”

“Mhm, like on a planet far far away.”

Your eyes rolled up to look at him. The affection you found in the warmth of his eyes was startling, but not a surprise.

Your mom used to tell you to always be careful with smiling. It caused laugh lines. It helped make crows feet. That smiling was a woman’s secret enemy she never knew about when it came to aging. She told you over and over to be careful who or what you wasted smiles on. Smiling up at him now, Jungkook was definitely worth it just to see him respond with his own.

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s only, like, one planet away.”

A soft hush of laughter left him as he looked away. His gaze roaming around the street signs and their multiple names before looking back at you.

“Are we going the right way to your place? I just realized I never even asked for your address.”

“Does it matter? I mean, with your leg and all.” You hated yourself for spoiling the moment by bringing it up. You knew it was a touchy subject when it came to his leg for Jungkook. So you weren’t surprised to see that spark of warmth fade ever so slightly from his face. His smile wilted at the edges of his lips before it all but disappeared. “You know I’m sorry I said anything. I shouldn’t have. I mean obviously you know yourself and your limits. You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t able to do it.”

You were rambling. You were fidgeting and waving your arms around while you talked, because why not? You were doing everything else besides hyperventilating at this point. All you knew was that you felt like a jerk for even bringing it up. When all you wanted was to know he was okay.

You were so lost in the space inside your head and worrying that you didn’t notice him laughing at you. You were mid-arm swing. Inhaling for another round of mouth babble to start asking for forgiveness when he waved for you to stop. A finger tip landing on your lips to quiet the words in your throat by shocking you into silence.

“You really don’t have to apologize so much, Y/N. It’s alright. I understand why you would ask.”

You were tempted to lick his finger away, but it felt too intimate. But so was a finger on the lips. Before you could decide your next move from your internal dilemma, Jungkook solved it for you. His finger detaching from your lips as quickly as it’d come.

“No, you don’t. I’m just worried about you. I know I should trust you to know yourself better, but-“ you did an over exaggerated shrug as you finished: “I’m a worrier.”

“I’m flattered, I have you to worry over me.”

You knew he was teasing you and you couldn’t have been happier. You preferred it to making him sad. Plus, he was back to looking at you like you controlled the stars and oh, what a wonderful look it was.

“You should be. I’ve only got so much extra space up here.”

You tapped your head for added effect and were rewarded with a soft laugh that was followed up by a smile. God, you could get used to this.

“I guess I need to work harder to take up more space.”

“Please, no. Let’s not do that. I need my sanity.”

You couldn’t believe you were doing so well at flirting. Usually, your sarcasm won out and you resorted to awkward winking, but this was definitely an improvement.

“I’m not sure you have much of that left either,” he joked.

You tried to hide your laughter with a scoff. You knew you were failing miserably at being offended. Your mouth fighting too hard to ward off a smile as you playfully bumped your shoulder into his arm. Jungkook was ready for you with his cane digging into the sidewalk to give him extra stability.

“Ya, if I do finally go crazy it’ll be your fault, specifically.”

“I think you’d have a hard time proving that in court. My counter argument would be pretty persuasive.”

You looked at him in shock.

“Court? Wow...that escalated quickly.”

Jungkook nodded his reply. He stopped in front of a bookstore and pointed at a manga in the window. You weren’t too familiar with the title, but it's a cover you’d seen plenty of.

“It would happen as quickly as an infection from a zombie’s bite. It would seem all slow until suddenly you jumped up and tried to eat me.”

You couldn’t keep the amusement off your face as you glanced at him and back down to the manga. A part of you wondering if it was one he’d read before or just wanted to use to make his point.

“Question: why are we together during a zombie outbreak?”

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s because I’ll be walking you home. I’ll try and save you and while feeling all heroic about it, I won’t even realize you’d been bitten until it’s too late.”

The two of you moved away from the bookstore window and began to walk back down the sidewalk. Your mind trying to dissect what he was trying to say, but all it left you with was imagining a zombie version of you trying to take a bite out of him.

“You must watch too much Walking Dead.”

“It’s a good show,” he shrugged.

“Did you know that there’s actually a fungus out there that’s sort of like a zombie infection. It’s called Ophiocordyceps. It basically infects the host and within nine days of infection it takes control of the host's body movements.”

You were still walking and looking around while you spoke. Your fingers running gently over a row of gardenia’s that were planted in carefully placed pots in front of someone’s home. You were aware Jungkook had left your side by the sudden coldness of his absence. You turned to look for him and found him standing a foot away from you. A mixture of astonishment and amusement etched on his face.

“Why do you know something like that? Actually, how do you know something like that?”

His eyes were dancing with curiosity as he moved to fall back into step beside you.

“Let’s just say I like to read. I like strange things and facts. And science is full of both facts and strange things.”

With each small statement you held up a finger. When you ended on the third and final small fact about yourself, you wiggled all three fingers at him. The motion earned you a giant smile that only seemed to grow wider as his head shook slightly back and forth.

“You are the strangest girl.”

“How am I strange?”

“You just told me about a body snatching fungus,” he chuckled. “What other girl is going to do that?”

Jungkook had a point. A very strong point. For all your new found confidence when it came to him, you couldn’t keep the heat from rushing to your face. Or the back of your hands from trying to hide it.

“I would tell you to stop being embarrassed but it’s cute when you blush.”

The two of you came to a complete stop at the crosswalk. The red light blinking to tell you two it wasn’t safe to cross. It felt like a weird metaphor for this moment in your life.

Stop! Do not keep staring back at him as if he strung every star in the sky. Stop! Don’t continue to entertain the thought that he looked like he wanted to kiss you or that you desperately wanted to kiss him back. Stop! Even though you already knew it was too late.

You had plans. It’d all been strategically mapped out in your head until you could read it forwards and backwards to yourself. Do your best to graduate high enough in the percentage range to get into a decent college. Get a degree for a job, it didn’t matter what it was, that made enough money to help your parents. For all your careful planning, none of it had included him and yet, the universe had you both standing at a stoplight looking at each other like there couldn’t be any other reality where you weren’t meant to end up right here. Standing at this exact light and looking at one another like no one else existed.

Luckily, the light changed signaling for you to begin to cross. The mass of bodies that had accumulated behind you began to push you both forward and, reluctantly, broke your gaze free from him. Your brain was scrambling to pick up a conversation you weren’t sure how to resurrect. Your mind too busy daydreaming all the scenarios you would’ve taken in different realities if you were braver. Clearing your throat, you did your best to wipe the thought clean and focus on your current reality.

“If it makes you feel better,” you started your body turning to consider him as you spoke, “the study was only ever done on the tropical ants that resided in the forest. The actual effects and what it could do to humans has never been studied. Yet. But I’m willing to bet it would take longer than nine days for it to take hold of a grown adult's nervous system and larger batches.”

He was looking at you in inspired mock horror. You weren’t sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. Or if your unusual fact telling about zombie fungus had completely killed the mood. You got your answer in an excited hush of, “Holy shit it’s like you’re writing your own super villain backstory.”

A smile erupted on your face as you playfully rolled your eyes away from him. It was hard to miss the mischievous glint in his eyes or the way his whole face still swam with the playfulness that lurked underneath his teasing. Jungkook was so alive. A force that required you to hang on or else you would get swept up in him without even realizing it’d happen.

You wondered if this is what falling in love felt like.

“I would make a terrible villain. I’m too clumsy,” you stated. Your weak attempt at downplaying yourself being met with a stern look.

“How clumsy are we talking?”

“Hmm, I would say, ‘Kronk giving the llama potion to Kuzco,’ kind of clumsy.”

A hiss of air whistled between Jungkook’s teeth. A mock look of worry on his face as his hands moved to reposition his bag.

“Can we call that clumsy, though?”

“What else would it be?” You asked.

You could feel the lines grouping together in your forehead just trying to figure out what he was getting at. Jungkook didn’t seem to be in any rush to answer you. The two of you walking a few feet before he must have decided you’d waited long enough for him to reply.

“I always thought Kronk was stupid throughout the whole movie, but really, he was just a good person. He’s a good guy tasked to do a bad thing and he just wants to make people happy. Even if it means doing the wrong thing.”

You wanted to ask if maybe he was talking more about himself than The Emperor’s New Groove at this point. He faced forward with his brow creased in deep thought and whatever it was that held his thoughts didn’t appear to be anything good.

“Or,” you started, voice light enough to drag him out of his head, “it’s just a kids movie.”

Sure, Jungkook was looking at you, but he didn’t seem to actually see you. Somewhere inside his head, he was reenacting or seeing something that ate up all the sunshine that lived in his bones. It felt silly to feel a sense of panic about something that might not even be true. And yet, you couldn’t stop the awful thought that sadness was trying to make a home inside his soul.

Without giving it another thought you reached up and pretended to wipe away a pretend rogue eyelash from his cheek. The suddenness of your fingers brushing on his skin jolted him from wherever his thoughts had held him hostage and back into the present. His eyes darted around your face and his own hand came up to gently take yours.

“Sorry.” Your words came out breathy as you struggled not to focus on how he was practically holding your hand. “There was an eyelash. The wind must have blown it away.”

The earlier sadness that’d hollowed out his eyes was gone. What replaced it was one of knowing you weren’t telling the truth. His head tilted slightly down to inspect your empty finger of the proof you knew your words didn’t have whose eyes sparked with his usual teasing and something else. Something that left a different kind of heat flooding your cheeks.

“I’m sure there was.”

Reluctantly, you removed your hand from his and continued to walk. It only took him a couple seconds to fall effortlessly into step beside you making you wonder if his leg was as injured as it seemed.

A warm silence swelled around you as you continued to walk. A comfortable pace setting between you as he looked in the windows of every store you passed in between the changing streets. He never once asked if you were getting close to your home or how much farther it might be. It was like the moment on the back of the bus. The two of you enjoyed that the other was there without ever feeling the need to say it.

But you knew it was soon coming to an end. In only a few blocks, you’d be home and your fairytale moment would end. You were struggling on how to break this, more to yourself than Jungkook, when you noticed he pulled a Nikon camera from the side of his bag. He was squinting through the lens and taking photos of something up ahead. Of the landscape or the people and buildings that framed it you weren’t sure.

He must have sensed your silent question as he snapped a few more quick photos before turning to acknowledge you.

“Y/N, I have a serious question for you.”

It was hard to keep the amusement off your face as you both came to a stop. The place felt random, but it was anything but that to Jungkook. Whatever he saw in this space you both inhabited must have felt like magic to him.

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Do you think we have enough time for me to take some photos?”

It felt like such an odd request. Why should anyone have to ask to do something that they loved? Jungkook didn’t fully say he loved doing it, but no one spent that much money on a nice camera if it wasn’t something they enjoyed doing. The look on his face was just an added bonus of proving your answer meant something. One that made you wonder why he felt like he needed your permission at all. And then it hit you: he wanted to stay in your company while he did it.

You considered teasing him, but he looked too vulnerable standing there. You weren’t even sure if he was breathing. A pleading in his eyes that reminded you of a child asking a mother to go on just one more ride before they were forced to go home. You considered giving him the bad news that you had more than homework to do when you arrived home. But that could come another day. On this day, with him, you could spare an hour just to make him happy.

Instead of coming right out and letting him know you’d made up your mind, you decided to play coy. A soft, “Hmm,” hummed around you as you looked everywhere but him. Your index finger tapping on your lips for dramatic flare.

"Ok," You shrugged. "I think I have some free time I could spare."

His eyes squinted in question as you moved to stand in front of him. The movement simply to let a couple go by in peace, but somehow placed you closer in front of him. Jungkook’s gaze was roaming your face to find an answer to a question he hadn’t yet asked.

“You planned on saying yes this whole time, didn’t you. You were just trying to make me suffer waiting for you to answer.”

You gasped in pretend shock and did your best not to smile at his accusations. By the growing smile on his face you knew you were failing miserably.

“Me?! I would never do such a thing.”

“You’re secretly a sadist!”

Jungkook’s smile only widened as a scoff of disbelief passed from your lips. Your own smile grew to match his own when his hands lifted up his camera. Seconds later the sound of the shutter clicked and you felt your soul leave your body. The earlier playfulness was swiftly swept in your own dark cloud and the idea you probably looked hideous in that photo.

“Oh god, Jungkook delete it,” you pleaded.

Your hands were reaching out to grab tightly at this shirt. Your fingers curled in the white fabric until there was a small chance you could tear holes. The camera in question was being held far from your reach. His hand easily held it above his shoulder as he used one hand to steady you against him. You’d invaded his space without even realizing, but you had no time to be embarrassed. Not when he had a picture of you forever saved on that camera.

“Why would I delete it?”

He was his usual amused self you could tell, but he wasn’t egging you on. His question was out of curiosity. His own eyes brimming with it as you considered keeping one hand tightly wound in his shirt and the other to jump up and reach for the camera.

“Because Jungkook I’m not cute. You’ll be lucky if it doesn’t ruin the camera.”

All his earlier playfulness drained from his face and what was left made you instantly feel like you were about to be scolded. His hand that had firmly planted itself on your hip was achingly apparent now as his fingers gripped you closer to him. Your own awareness at how close you actually were to his chest made your lips feel dry. Your tongue flicked out to wet them and god, it took everything in you not to focus on the fact his eyes had followed the movement.

“Y/N, why would you say that? You shouldn’t let anyone talk down about you, and you shouldn’t do it to yourself either. You’re beautiful.”

He spoke like it was a fact. A statement that not just the two of you knew, but the universe did too. And what were you supposed to say back? While you were held captive to the thought he was still looking from you to your lips. The determination for you to understand his words and believe them setting soft lines in his face. You tried to keep looking at him, but under his watchful gaze you couldn’t keep yourself from fidgeting. Your eyes moved down the line of his body until it landed on the tops of your shoes.

You weren’t sure what to say back. Thank you didn’t fit here. It didn’t feel like a moment where he was trying to boost your confidence the way a friend did. This felt more like someone who noticed something in you while you hadn’t been looking.

So instead of saying anything remotely clever back you began to dislodge yourself from him. Your hands releasing their hold on his shirt and forcing his hand off of your hip. Standing there with only inches between you, your body was achingly aware that his hand was gone. It’s weight leaving a burning of longing to have it back forced your hands into your pockets and your body turning away from him. You waited for him to start moving back down the road. The motion forced him to either join you or stay where he was.

“We should get going before we run out of time.”

You hated yourself for dismissing him. For not being bolder like you’d promised yourself earlier in the day. It would’ve been the perfect time to thank him. To tell him how you were pretty sure there wasn’t a soul on earth more attractive than him, but that what made him beautiful is what he refused to let people see. The soft tone of his voice still singing along to the songs on the back of the bus had ended up being an unspoken lullaby when you’d gone to sleep.

A part of you considered turning on your heel and telling him this. To tell him that you saw him; actually saw him for who he was and not who he felt like he needed to be. But you just kept moving forward and weren’t surprised when Jungkook found a steady rhythm back beside you.

The both of you stayed quiet. This time it felt more forced than the easiness of earlier. Like the two of you had so many missed starts at creating a conversation that neither of you could understand why it ended.

You watched him as he focused on the area around him. His camera training on an old couple who sat waiting for the next bus. The husband had clutched his wife’s arm close to his side. In his hands he was peeling what appeared to be an orange and with each freshly peeled slice, he gave one to her and one to himself. No one knew what they were conversing about, but it didn’t matter. To them, they were the only two people there. The wholesomeness of the moment made you wonder what they were like back in their youth.

You listened to the flutter of the shutter click repeatedly. His hand twisting on the lens to bring it in and out of focus, while he himself remained deadly focused on capturing their moment in time. You were curious how the photos would turn out in the end and wished there was a way to show them how their love translated on film.

You were in the middle of watching Jungkook turn his attention to a couple birds inside a cherry blossom when he spoke.

“Thank you for agreeing to walk with me while I do this.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Jungkook.”

A sad smile curled his lips as he dropped his camera down in front of him. His thumb skimmed over the buttons to quickly go through what he’d previously taken. The last one he landed on made his entire face light up and you felt a pang of jealousy at what it could be. How you wish he would look at you like that.

“Maybe, but I feel like I do. Ever since my accident, my appa hasn’t been able to force me into things. For once, I get to just do what I want. Sucks it only had to cost me a friend and a leg to get some freedom.”

Your feet had carried you to the next stop sign. The sudden halt in moving forced you to look at him, really look at Jungkook, like you’d never seen him before.

He wasn’t looking at you now. His ears a screaming red while his fingers danced over every part of the camera. His eyes roaming over its edges and flicking too fast through pictures to actually even be looking at them. For the first time since you’d met him Jungkook was scared to look at you. Scared for what you might see if you did.

Looking at him now, you couldn’t have been happier to indulge him. You’d indulge him for the rest of your life if he’d let you.

“Well, I’m happy to be of service.”

You mentally smacked yourself at your choice of words. Jungkook, however, was backing to his beaming self as he finally glanced in your direction. His eyeing ate up your embarrassment as it was your turn to face forward. Your feet hopping in place as you waited for the light to flash it was okay to walk.

“I’m supposed to be at physical therapy right now.”

“Wait, what?”

The light was flickering finally for you to all move. Your feet moved to carry you forward unintentionally, just to keep with the flow of traffic, as Jungkook gave you a small shrug for an answer.

“Did you say you were supposed to be at physical therapy?”

Another shrug and another long pause with no answer. It seemed he had been waiting for you to round the corner onto a quieter pedestrian free street before he replied, “After school. I have appointments almost everyday and I never go.”

“But why? It’s meant to help you get better, isn’t it?”

“Get better to do what, exactly?” He huffed. Jungkook’s entire body took on a broodier tone. His cane practically dug small holes with each press into the pavement. “Who even says that I can get better?”

“Well, doctors for one,” you pointed out. “I’m sure they wouldn’t have signed you up for it if they didn’t believe you could get better.”

“If I was going to get better it would’ve happened already.”

It felt like walking on eggshells. This side of Jungkook was the boy you’d met on his first day of class. His guarded demeanor up on high alert, as he kept his gaze stoically forward and his chin held high.

“You’re not an idiot, Jungkook. You know injuries take time to heal from. It doesn't just magically happen overnight.”

“Who says that I want to get better?”

The coldness in his words forced your legs to stop working. Your feet were unable to move as he continued to push on ahead of you. His own movements became slower now as the long walk was beginning to take its toll on his leg. He knew you weren’t beside him anymore and still he tried to keep pushing forward, before eventually he had no other choice but to turn around.

The look on his face was as defiant as ever. Underneath that defiance was a sadness so raw you only wanted to reach out and hold him. If just to remind him that he was seen and that his pain mattered.

That’s when the realization hit you.

“Unless you feel like you deserve this.”

The stone façade he’d worked so hard to create in the past few minutes began to chip. His eyes being the first to show by the soft uprising of tears that you were right. Somewhere deep inside Jungkook believed that he deserved what happened to him. That this was punishment for losing a friend at his own hands, even if it wasn’t his fault to begin with.

The tears that threatened to spill never did, but they were there. They floated dangerously at the surface of Jungkook’s control and he refused to let go. The rawness of his pain hit you and all you wanted was to help ease it. You weren’t sure if he would accept any kind of affection, even in a small hug. So your only option was to move closer to him. As close as he would allow without pushing you away.

With each step you could see his jaw clenching tighter; pulsing like he was fighting from saying something wicked to send you skirting back. He was just as afraid of what you were about to do as you were at being the one to do it.

When the tips of your shoes nudged against his you drew your eyes up until they landed on his. A spark of something; fear or uncertainty, flashed in his eyes. Was he expecting you to be cruel? To yell at him to stop being a child and to grow up? How much had he already heard those words shouted by adults? How long had he been standing there like this, in a world full of grief, and no one there to pull him out to breathe before the next wave suffocated him once more.

You weren’t sure if it was you or if what you said would matter, but it was important he heard it. It was important he knew that this was okay too.

“You got to forgive yourself sometime, Jungkook.”

The words themselves were simple. Simple and spoken between you as if there was a secret meant only for the two of you to hear. All you really wanted was for him to feel the sincerity of your words for him to know it was okay. Okay to feel sad, unsure, and helpless at times when all the world felt against you. It was okay to not know your first steps and okay to take those first steps when you were ready. Eventually, we needed to forgive, if only to give ourselves the chance to heal and move on.

His gaze was still misty with unshed tears and still they refused to fall. The pain and defiance that had turned his features harsh began to soften. All that hardness he struggled to keep himself in and others out was beginning to fade and the only thing left was him. All that sunshine that you’d seen lived in his smile and echoed in his laughter that crinkled in the corners of his eyes. The way he cared for others and making them feel cared for. The softness of his singing and the way he eagerly filmed people at their most vulnerable: at their most beautiful.

It was at this moment you felt your universe shift and tip until it realigned itself. With your fingers back to holding the edges of his shirt it took everything in you not to close those final inches and hug him. Jungkook closed that distance for you instead.

His lips crashing down on your cheeks causing a soft squeak of surprise to push free from your lips. A chuckle came as he came back into view and your mind struggled to comprehend what happened.

It wasn’t a kiss on the lips but…

“Did you just kiss my cheek?”

Your hand was up to the aforementioned spot. A wicked smile wiping away all of his sadness until you weren’t sure if it had been real at all or if you’d imagined it.

“I could kiss your lips if you’d like that instead.”

If your cheeks could get any hotter you could’ve fried food on them. You felt a surge of disappointment when Jungkook took a reluctant step back from you as his eyes dropped to check the time on his phone.

“As much as I hate to say this: I have to go.”

“All of the sudden you have to go,” you huffed.

Your words felt brave, but inside your heart was thundering wildly against your chest.

“I could stay if you want?”

Smoother than expected, Jungkook slid his way back to you. His chest bumping against you making you lose your footing just enough that it forced you to grab on to his shirt. Jungkook’s own hand had moved behind your back to steady you and bring you closer to him all at once.

You playfully smacked his chest and earned a soft laugh from him. Unfortunately, you found yourself peeling away from him. Your hands grasping at the strap of your bag to keep them from reaching back out for him.

“Not a chance.”

Your reply earned a playful pout from him as he started walking backwards away from you.

“I’ll remember that, Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and turned around to start walking the rest of the way home. You didn’t get more than a few feet before he called back to you. Your eyes found him instantly in a crowd of people that continued to pass in front of him.

“I forgot to ask: what’s your number!”

He held up a pen expecting you to come back to him and write it down presumably on his arm or hand. You didn’t see any paper and could only assume. You knew it was all just a ploy to get you to come to him. The knowledge evident by the wicked grin on his face.

“You’re a math wiz, right?” Jungkook was perplexed for a second before you started reciting your number as loud as you were willing to shout it. The wind blew it away as he no doubt struggled to listen.

“Wow! What a way to play dirty.”

“If it’s meant to be you’ll figure it out.”

And maybe that was true. Maybe you both had a chance to write your own love story like from the movies and shows you used to watch with your mom. Like Rose and Jack from Titanic or Ross and Rachel...okay...maybe more like Chandler and Monica. Or maybe you were an idiot and should’ve just gone and wrote it down. It was too late now as he was already on the other side of the street.

You were ready to walk the rest of the way kicking yourself for being so lame when you heard him call your name again. When you turned you didn’t expect him to be trotting across the road. You didn’t expect him to stop in front of you and give you another quick kiss on the cheek, this one gentler than before, with every fiber of your body remembering just how soft his lips felt.

“I could fall in love with you, ya know.”

You watched as in the same breath he hopped back across the street and couldn’t help but think you already had.

————-

Later that night you were snuggled up inside the sheets of your bed. The only thing sticking out was the current book you were reading and the top of your head.

You hadn’t heard from Jungkook the rest of the day. Your heart hammered inside your chest every time your phone chimed with a new message only to deflate when you realized it wasn’t him. You loved your friends and all, but they weren’t who you’d been looking forward to all evening.

Maybe you should’ve just gone to him and written down your number. Like a normal human being would’ve done. You just had to be clever and yell it out like a lunatic. For all you knew, you could end up with a random stranger texting you at all hours.

Your current book that you were supposed to be reading but couldn’t really read because you couldn’t focus was now face planted onto your nose. A soft groan echoing into its pages as you fought not to close it and throw it somewhere in your room. You were a hundred percent sure you’d read the same sentence a few dozen times at this point.

In the morning, you decided, you most definitely were just going to write it down. Like a sane person would’ve done. You closed your book and placed it down beside you. Your eyes roaming up to stare at your ceiling and wondering if you were ever actually going to go to sleep when your phone chimed off.

You weren’t in any hurry to look. It could just be your parents from the restaurant making sure you were in bed. It could be one of your friends asking about making plans this weekend. It was probably still everyone but Jungkook and yet…

Your curiosity got the better of you. You shuffled inside your comforter, reached an arm out to grab your phone from the nightstand, and quickly pulled it back inside. You waited for your facial ID to unlock the screen to see who or what you’d received. Your own mind hyping up the suspense of the moment until it read over a reminder text from your dad about your chores for the upcoming weekends.

You hated you’d let yourself have even a glimmer of hope. It was official. You’d ruined your chances when it came to giving out your number. A groan was creeping its way up your throat as you quickly sent back a text. You knew your chores took over almost every weekend. Even when you’d made plans with friends, you’d ended up never going.

As soon as you’d hit send you were rolling over to put your phone back on your nightstand. The shrill sound of pinging messages stopped you cold. There was no way your dad had learned to text back that fast. You laid yourself flat back against the mattress and brought the phone to hover above your face.

Y/N?

Is this the right number finally?

Hello?!!

If this is the wrong person, I’m sorry. I swear I’m not crazy. Just looking for a girl.

Your heart leapt into your throat. It was beating so hard you were scared it would burst from your chest. Your eyes were still skimming over the line of text messages when another one sounded. You were so caught up in reading the next line you weren’t aware your clammy fingers had let the phone slip and it crash landed down on your face.

“Ooow!”

One hand scrambled to pick it back up off your face, while the other massaged the now swelling brim of your nose.

How many people have you texted before me?

There wasn’t a need to send a hi. To give him a coy response to continue to tease him or make him believe he’d gotten it wrong again. Your curiosity at the desperate way he seemed to have been looking for you was endearing. The thought that he’d spent so much time sending out random messages for a response, no matter how crazy he looked, felt silly but cute too.

Jungkook thought you were worth the trouble.

OH MY GOD IS IT REALLY YOU?! And maybe like... seventeen.

You snuggled deeper into your comforter as a soft giggle joined the growing smile across your face.

I’m sorry I should have just wrote it down when you offered the pen lol

It definitely would’ve made it a lot easier.

You’d asked yourself that question all evening while you’d waited for him. You bit your lips as your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Unsure if you should take the chance and tell him.

“Screw it,” you whispered as you typed.

Took you long enough. I’ve been waiting forever.

Well, I’m sorry to keep you waiting. This girl thought it was a good idea to shout random numbers at me 😅😂.

Your head was shaking as you tried to figure out something witty to say. You couldn’t believe you were here. Inside your comforter cave smiling at your phone like a lunatic and wondering if maybe Jungkook was doing the same. Or what was he even doing? You were getting ready to type out that exact question when your phone pinged to life.

So, ugh, on to more important matters. It read. I was thinking about your love of random facts and I think I got one for you.

Ooooooo kekeke this should be good

Do you want to know it or not?

Okay okay! Lol please tell me Kookie

You could practically feel him screaming through your phone as a sideways glance emoji was sent back in a long lined response. You wondered if you’d completely ruined his fact telling when your phone went off.

I found this article that said the chances of finding your soulmate out of 500,000,000 people was impossible. But, if you just place it to where you are, to your age group, and timing it narrows it down to a 1 in 10,000 chance. What I’m trying to get at is...I think your my 1 in 10,000

You read the message on repeat. Over and over until you were sure you’d practically memorized it front and back. You wanted to ask him for his source material. Where such an article could exist. None of that really mattered to you and how could it?

You must have spaced out because you never sent him a reply. Your thoughts were still spinning in a world all their own as you wondered if he was sitting at his desk doing homework or lying in bed. If he was inside or outside and what had made him so brave to send that message: believing you felt the same.

The vibration of the phone brought you back down to earth. You expected to see question marks or another line of, “Hello?” To have left him on read. Instead, the only thing that greeted you was a simple, Goodnight, Y/N.

This time there was no hesitation from you.

Goodnight, Jungkook

See you in the morning ?

His text felt so hopeful. A silent undertone that if you said no there was a chance you’d break him. You bit your lip as you thought about what this meant. The beginning of small promises that eventually grew into bigger ones.

I’ll meet you at the gate

You both finished up with another round of good night’s that felt like the embarrassing texting equivalent of “no you hang up! No you!” And placed your phone back on your night stand. It took forever for the sandman to finally claim you. Your dreams consisting of the magic of being Jungkook’s 1 in 10,000.

313 notes · View notes

hanazou · 3 years

Note

hi! i see an author writes for the DOA, and i absolutely go bonkers. could you please write some HCs (or whatever's most convenient) about Nikolai and/or Sigma teaching someone how to tie their shoes? please i know it sounds so odd but i STILL don't know how to tie shoes. thank you!

𝙣𝙞𝙠𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙞 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙢𝙖 𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙞𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚𝙨

Book : Nikolai | Sigma

Genre : Fluff, (implied) romance

Shelf : Leather-bound

Note : You absolutely can, dearie! I thought about making scenarios instead but I think it's more fun to make them hcs hehe 💗 i hope u enjoy! feel free to request another if u don't 👌🏻

Nikolai isn’t aware of your inability to tie shoe laces but he does notice how you always wear the type of shoes without laces since he’s secretly perceptive. He notices the variety of colours of your shoes for the day (it’s a habit of his because he pays close attention to his own clothes), things like that, and doesn’t make a big deal out of it.

Because he’s a playful fellow, jumping around here and there (quite literally), you have to be physically active to be around him, meaning you have to move (run) a lot which leads to the subject of your inability to be mentioned sooner or later.

When he thinks about it, he notices that you wear various types of shoes but never running shoes with laces, which he thinks is the best type for you to wear if you’re with him. You can’t keep wearing impractical shoes like loafers, heels, or even slippers if you want to keep up with his… terrorism antics.

“You can’t keep up with me with those shoes forever, dove!” Nikolai pulls both your hands while walking backwards so he can keep seeing your face. You tell him there aren’t any other shoes around there you can easily change into, and he offers the solution.

“Absolutely no problem!” Nikolai activates his Overcoat, dips his hand into the empty space, and takes out a pair of running shoes, hanging from his grip by the laces. “Here you go!”

While you hesitantly accept the brand new running shoes you’re sure he stole from somewhere, you admit that you don’t know how to tie the laces, which also explains why you never wear this type of shoes. Nikolai sees no problem with that and instead sees this as a fun opportunity to teach you something new.

To him, it feels like teaching a kid, which makes him feel elated because it fits his youthful personality.

“You should’ve told Gogol! I can teach you how!” He takes the shoes from you and gets on his knees. “Step out of your shoes for a while!”

Maybe too elated. He’s so enthusiastic about it that when he teaches you, his rambles would be a little too fast for you to keep up. Nikolai also uses magic show analogies, such as saying that the loops are bunny ears.

Nikolai teaches you a lot of hacks and styles he knows of, sometimes rambling off topic about how he discovered each of them, and then getting back on track with an “Oops! So, back to what I was saying~”

From your perspective, looking at Nikolai from above who shrinks into a crouch who's happily yapping about how to tie shoelaces, giving his personal hacks and favourite styles here and there, makes you feel adored. The enthusiasm in his voice is unmatched.

Make sure you listen carefully because when he’s done demonstrating, he asks you to do the other one yourself. When you kneel down to redo what he did while muttering his explanation, mentioning the same analogies, Nikolai watches you with hands on his cheeks and a big smile on your face as if he’s a child admiring his favourite TV show.

If you’re hesitant in the steps or forget how to do it halfway, he takes the initiative to help you by holding your hands in his to guide you, making sure that you’re following just fine.

When you get to the last step, which is to knot the loops, he tests you. “Pop quiz! What comes after making the bunny ears?” If you get the answer right, Nikolai would be so happy that you actually listen to him.

“Ding Ding, correct!”

After you finish tying it, Nikolai attacks you in a huge hug, pushing you off your feet till you roll on your back on the ground. “Aren’t you a fast learner? It’s so fun watching my own bunny tie a bunny ear knot! If you forget next time, ask Gogol to teach you!”

Bonus: if you start to wear shoes with laces around him more often, this sneaky clown will definitely try to trip you by stepping on the lace.

It’s the little things like this that he enjoys before finally achieving true freedom.

Sigma, although very perceptive and observant, is a busy man on a daily basis. He may notice what kind of shoes you wear daily since it’s his habit from running Sky Casino to observe everything, but he doesn’t really connect the dots on why you never wear shoes with laces.

After carefully choosing his words, he politely asks if the reason you never wear shoes with laces is because of financial problems, which he explains is something he can assist with.

“Or maybe it’s because you don’t like that kind of shoes?” Sigma thumbed his chin. “They’re usually flexible and comfortable to wear though,”

When you explain to him that it’s because you don’t know how to tie the laces, he nods slowly, processing your answer. Unlike Nikolai who sees this as an opportunity to have some fun with you, Sigma bears no particular opinion. Since he’s still a man who’s still learning about this world, he sees your inability as another normal thing that just, happens, with some people. If anything, he sees this as a chance to learn more about how people have diverse colourful aspects to them.

One day, he invites you over to his office and asks you to sit down, presenting a box of brand new laced shoes to you.

“I hope you don’t find this offensive, but if you’d like, I can teach you how to tie your shoelaces.” He scratches his cheek, nervously smiling. He’s hoping for you to say yes, and boy do those shoes look expensive.

Remember when I said Sigma doesn’t have any opinion about this? Maybe he does, and he only realized it when carefully picking those shoes for you. He’s looking forward and even was excited to teach you something he knows, since assisting those precious to him is what gives him a reason for existing.

If you agree to let him demonstrate how, Sigma kneels in front of you, posing like a prince from a children’s story, and places your heel on his thigh so you can perfectly see how it’s done from your seat (he’s a gentleman I love him).

Sigma teaches you the most straightforward shoelace tying method he knows, uses his most gentle voice, and makes sure you can keep up with his explanation and demonstration by occasionally asking if you’re still following.

He offers to teach more tricks and tips he learned from the internet when he first tried to learn tying his own laces. When he does this, his speech speeds up a bit and his smile grows, mirroring his enthusiasm.

Sigma secretly wants you to ask more things. Sigma has memorized the types of shoes with laces his customer in Sky Casino wears, why they wear that type, what kind of model fits certain types of people, and he’s excited to share his knowledge with you.

He makes sure that the knots on your new shoes are tightly done but not too strong around your foot.

“I made sure the size fits your feet before buying them, I hope your feet aren't hurting.” He fidgets.

Sigma asks if you’d like to tie the other one yourself or if you want him to repeat it. If you want to do it, he watches you and kindly offers corrections if you did a step wrong. If you want him to repeat his example, he’d be more than happy to.

Bonus: If you wear the shoes Sigma gifts you around Sky Casino, he’ll subtly blush and ask if they’re comfortable to wear (they better be, since he was careful in picking that pair) and whether you’re happy with how they look.

📜 ; like what you read? visit my bookshop!

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whumpmatsus · 3 years

Note

Howdy fam-fam! Still recovering from that Iromatsu whump you massacred me with (lol it was consensual though so I don't blame you 😂😭) but I'd still like to make another request, please! I'd like to throw a mega combo of 10A + 20 for, you guessed it, TODOMA-Ichi, for Ichimatsu please 😂👌

Ngl I thought I'd get annoying real fast with all the Ichi whump requests, but then you showed what you had in your inbox for WIPs and I felt a little better, because everyone loves to request different things so often! What can I say, I can't deny the Ichimatsu whump whore in me (I'm awful😂😭) lol thanks for reading my ramblings and thanks for the feels! Love you fam! 💞

Ultimate Whump Writing Meme! / ACCEPTING!

10. Mood disorders

A. Major depression/clinical depression

20. Starvation

GIRL PLEASE 😂😂😂

also ur right you don’t blame me for that shit because u literally asked for it fam XD

you are NEVER EVER annoying me with Ichi whump!! the only thing I love more than Ichimatsu is torturing Ichimatsu, you know I’m right there with you being an Ichi whump whore

ANYWAYS what’s interesting is that depression can actually be a potential cause of starvation, i.e. when a person with depression experiences those symptoms that make basic hygiene and functioning and taking care of themselves difficult, so... this wasn’t too big a leap to figure how best to put these two things together! uwu

I had a good time writing it, the first half or so is Allmatsu with some Nenchuu and Parka sprinkled in, then the last half is mostly Iromatsu because I’m fucking WEAK 😂

enjooooooy fam-fam!

When it comes right down to it, it’s not as if Ichimatsu means to miss meals.

One would think that because he and his brothers eat at home most of the time, it would be harder to do that without drawing attention. They all have breakfast, lunch, and dinner around the same table, at the same time. At least one of them always notices when one isn’t eating.

They do, too. Osomatsu especially takes note of it and tries to prod if someone isn’t eating like usual; as the oldest, he asks a barrage of questions. “How come you’re not eating? Is your stomach upset? Do you feel sick?” As much as he pretends to be a complete shithead, he loves his brothers. He doesn’t let anything slip by.

That said, he takes it easier on Ichimatsu. He accepts, “Depression’s a bitch and I’m not hungry” as an answer readily from Ichimatsu. After all, what’s he going to do, jump across the table and force breakfast down his little brother’s throat? As long as Ichimatsu takes a bite or two at meals, more than just nothing, he’s satisfied.

Most of the time, these spells of not wanting to eat because of his depression only last a day or two. After that point, he gets too hungry and he literally has to force food into his mouth, or have someone do it for him. Once he eats, he even feels a little better overall. The whole process is stupid and he really wishes his brain wouldn’t be like this. It’s just lucky that the lack of appetite never lasts too long.

However, at the moment he’s struggling to remember eating more than a few bites in the last couple of weeks.

It’s not that he isn’t hungry. On the contrary, his stomach growls at every meal and he sort of wants to eat. The problem is the depression whispering in his ear worse than normal, partly telling him he doesn’t deserve the food and partly telling him nothing would taste good and partly telling him he just doesn’t have the energy to eat.

That’s strange and stupid, to think he’s too exhausted to lift a piece of food in his chopsticks, put it in his mouth, chew it, and swallow it. It just sounds like a lot of work, particularly because it wouldn’t just be one time. He’d have to do it over and over until he’d eaten a full meal. What would it be? Ten times of lifting the food, putting it in his mouth, chewing it, and swallowing it? Twenty? How much is he supposed to eat?

He’s definitely not going to ask one of his brothers to feed him regularly. That’s fucking humiliating, even though he knows any of them would do it in a heartbeat if they knew his depression was affecting his ability to eat.

It is, but he doesn’t want them worrying. If it were just a handful of days, he would ask one of them to help him shove some food down his throat. It’s been several weeks, though. Part of him wonders why no one has caught on, because it’s never happened quite like this before. Osomatsu at least has to be noticing that Ichimatsu only takes a couple bites at each meal, right?

Then his stupid unbalanced brain kicks him right down again. With wonderful thoughts such as, Of course he doesn’t notice, dumbass. You think he really cares that you’re not eating enough? and Maybe he notices, but he’s stopped giving a shit. They all want you dead anyway.

It’s all he can do to shut that crap up, and it doesn’t work very well. He still can’t bring himself to take more than three bites at a time. After that, he’s too drained to keep going even though he’s hungry.

It would be a miracle if he’s eaten an actual full meal in the last two weeks or so. The worst part is that he has fucking hunger pangs, painful and almost like he’s being stabbed in the stomach, and even that isn’t motivation enough for his depression to step aside and let him eat.

Because he’s still trying to eat a little, because he hasn’t gone to eating nothing at all, his brothers apparently haven’t raised the alarm. He thinks if they knew how bad this was, they’d all be stuffing food into his mouth at every opportunity.

Staring down at the table full of food right now during today’s lunch is borderline torture. He’s taken two bites, just like he did at breakfast, and he’s fighting to keep his eyes open. Everything smells so good, his mouth is watering, and yet it feels like there’s a lead weight tied to his arm. Raising it to take another bite is impossible.

The sound of his brothers chewing their own food, enjoying the meal, making semi-pleasant conversation, is unbearable. His head is foggy from lack of food… everything is annoying… his heart feels like it’s soft-shoeing against his ribs… his breathing is kind of funny, too, isn’t it?

Dammit. All he can think about is how great everything tastes, like it always does, how much he wants to eat more than a couple bites and how little energy he has because he hasn’t been eating enough. To his mind, a tall glass of ice water and going back to sleep sounds like a good replacement, though.

He lifts his cup of tea to his lips, sipping at it as fast as he can without hurting his stomach. Uh… is… is my hand shaking…? Fuck… I’m so tired…

“Hey, Ichimatsu,” a voice breaks him out of his thoughts. It’s easy enough to identify, so he doesn’t have to look up, although he does anyway. Choromatsu’s gaze is more than a little concerned. “Aren’t you going to eat the rest of your lunch? You only took, like, two bites and we’re all almost done.”

Osomatsu reaches over to nudge the fourth eldest. “Yeah, you haven’t been eating a lot lately. What’s going on, dude?? You not feeling good?”

“It’s ‘well’, Osomatsu. Not feeling ‘well’.”

“Ah, shut the fuck up, Fappy.” Osomatsu pops in the last bite of his own food, speaking around it. “So, what’s up, Ichimacchan? Does your stomach hurt?”

He can’t… he can’t do this. He doesn’t want to admit how bad it’s gotten. Not only does it make him feel like a failure as an adult, that he can’t even manage to fucking feed himself, he also doesn’t want his brothers to worry. They worry enough about him already even though they shouldn’t.

He swallows another mouthful of tea before trying to answer. “No… it’s just… the depression again. Don’t feel like doing anything, you know?”

“Oh.” Osomatsu takes advantage of the general mood to sneak a sausage off Choromatsu’s plate and into his mouth. “Well, you want one of us to shove something down you? You gotta eat, bro!”

“… Hey! Osomatsu!” A glare is sent the eldest’s way as Choromatsu processes that part of his meal was just stolen. “That was mine, you thief!”

“Hey, yourself, Choromacchan. You know the rule, I’m the big dog, so anything you’re not actively chewing could be mine. Mmf… put that huge, veiny brain of yours to good use and figure out what we’re gonna do about Ichimatsu.”

“You don’t need to do anything about me,” Ichimatsu huffs. God, they’re all so fucking loud and obnoxious. He’s got walking headaches for brothers. “I’m fine. It’ll probably be better by tomorrow.”

Except, he doesn’t know that. If it hasn’t gotten better by now, why would it suddenly be any better by tomorrow?

Jyushimatsu is long done with his own food and on his third cup of tea, poking at Ichimatsu’s shoulder. “Aaaah, Ichimatsu-nii-san, maybe you could come play baseball with me! That might get your energy back up! Wake up your whole body!”

Oh, for the love of all that is crap, no. That’s the worst idea Ichimatsu has ever heard. If he can’t manage to get himself fed, how the hell would he play baseball right now in any way? He thinks he’d puke stomach acid if he let himself be waved around on the bat, and trying to be active would just result in passing out.

“Probably not today, Jyushi,” he sighs. He feels a little guilty saying that; normally he loves spending time with his little brother. It’s just hard when he can’t imagine himself walking more than a couple steps today. He’s not even sure he can drag himself up the stairs to the spare room. “I think I’m gonna take a nap.”

With that, he pushes himself away from the table. Why even keep up the charade? Most of the others are nearly done with their meal, he’s told them what the problem is, and he doesn’t need to be sitting here trying to choke down the rest of his tea and violently trying to ignore every single stupid thing they say.

“I’m gonna head upstairs and try to sleep this shit off,” he mumbles, just so everyone else knows the general plan. Not only does his depression screw with his ability to eat properly, they all know it fucks with his sleeping too. “Wake me for dinner, I guess.”

He hears Choromatsu hum as he gets to his feet. “Okay, well, try to get some rest. If you won’t bite our heads off, we can come up with some snacks later and maybe get some food in you.”

Ichimatsu raises his hand and turns toward the doorway. “Yeah, I’ll try not to. Just… uh… uh, just… um…”

Oh, fuck.

Everything happens in quick succession, so fast he can’t stop it even if he tried. As soon as he turns, a wave of dizziness crashes over him. His head spins like a top, and he feels as if he’s floating outside his body. A sharp, gnawing pain shoots through his body from his stomach, too empty, a black hole collapsing in on itself.

He goes down like a bag of rocks. It’s just lucky the floor is soft.

The last thing he hears is Choromatsu shouting, “Oh, my God! MOM! Ichimatsu just passed out!!”, then he slips into darkness.

When Ichimatsu wakes up, the lights are too bright. He can see them through his eyelids. Things are too noisy; there’s beeping and people walking by and people talking and…

… A lullaby being hummed in a low deep voice?

He’s still tired, but he feels a little better than he remembers feeling a few hours ago. Everything is kind of achy, his heart is less fluttery, and the hunger pangs aren’t quite as bad as they were. He barely recalls anything after getting up to leave the table at lunch, a little bit about feeling lightheaded and then hearing one of his brothers yell.

How did he get here? Where is ‘here’? This definitely isn’t home. The beeping isn’t anything he recognizes, and the scent of antiseptic is, like, burning his sinuses.

He lets out a soft groan and tries to turn onto his side, only to find there’s something stuck in his arm. A glance down reveals that it’s… an IV line? Shit. There’s a needle in his arm, connected to a tube, connected to a bag, of who fucking knows what.

The activity catches the attention of whoever’s with him, and when he feels a hand full of calluses gently holding his arm as if to keep him down, he knows instantly that his only companion in the room is Karamatsu. “Careful now, brother. You can’t move too much or you’ll pull that out, and you need it right now.”

“Mmmh… Kara…?” Ichimatsu tries to relax, having one of his brothers so close now. Even though it’s Karamatsu, this is still his big brother. It’s infinitely better than waking up alone in a weird place after feeling like crap. “Where am I?”

Karamatsu’s hand moves down so that Ichimatsu can take it. “The hospital. Everyone else stepped out for just a moment to get something to eat.” He thinks he hears a frown in his brother’s voice. “Coincidentally, eating seems to be your problem, too.”

He does his best to scoff. It comes out weak and has none of his usual bite to it, which is aggravating. “Yeah, well. I’m fucking starving.”

When Karamatsu speaks again, his voice sounds close to breaking. “Yes, you literally are.”

… Oh. Well. Shit. That is… not promising.

“Uhhhh.” Although Ichimatsu isn’t stupid, he’s having trouble fully putting the pieces together. “What… what happened? All I remember is getting up from the table, then the world went black.”

“Hmph. You fainted. The doctor said it’s because you’re undernourished. They’ve got you on intravenous nutrition right now to try and… get everything back in order before they make you start eating real food again.” Karamatsu snorts, though there’s absolutely no derision or amusement in it. “All the nurses are calling your room ‘Starvation Central’.”

Okay. Welp. None of that is good at all. For medical professionals to actually use the term starvation in reference to him, it must be an accurate description. Was he really eating that little that he basically starved himself??

He… supposes there’s really no denying that’s what happened. In the last two weeks, he’s likely only eaten like ten bites of food a day, if that. No full meals. Not even half a meal or a third of a meal like Choromatsu sometimes does.

The thought strikes him that he might only be not more seriously ill because he’s been drinking enough water. That’s a scary thought; that he literally could have starved himself to death. Even though he gets those suicidal feelings sometimes, this time it wasn’t intentional, and… he doesn’t want to die. Not really.

He doesn’t know what to say, though. Karamatsu is obviously worried about him, he’s sure all of his other brothers are as well, and he’d be surprised if his parents aren’t panicking knowing one of their children has been eating so little he starved himself.

So he keeps his head down. Thinking about this, if he tries to say anything, he thinks he might start crying. He hates crying in front of his brothers, and especially in front of Karamatsu.

“Ichimatsu…” As usual, Karamatsu seems content to do most of the talking. His hand lightly squeezes Ichimatsu’s. “We noticed you weren’t eating much at meals… we thought maybe you were having snacks in between. We didn’t know you were barely eating at all. The doctor said you’ve lost almost 8 kg. in the last two weeks.”

Ichimatsu can’t stop himself: “Holy shit.” That’s a lot. That’s a lot of weight to lose in only a couple weeks. Even if he’s not technically underweight right now, he knows it’s not healthy to have lost that much so fast.

Karamatsu’s voice is soft and nonjudgmental, but that might be why it cuts through Ichimatsu so deeply. “What’s going on, my brother? You need to talk to us. The doctor thinks you’ve got an eating disorder.”

“Wh…” If there was any anger swirling around inside him, it’s solidified into something icy. “That’s bullshit! You know that’s a load of crap, right? You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“I don’t know what to believe. Look where you are, Ichimatsu.” Karamatsu squeezes his hand again, and Ichimatsu could just fucking kill himself when he sees that there are tears in his brother’s eyes. “You’re in the hospital. You haven’t been eating. When I went to get coffee earlier, I heard the nurses talking, and one of them called you ‘an anorexic whose family is in denial’ and… and I got angry that they would talk about you like that… but then I thought… ‘what if she’s right?’ None of us want to think that, but…”

What a bunch of shit. He misses some meals and now he’s got nurses gossiping about his mental health? “Did any of the stupid-ass doctors or nurses look at my chart? Don’t they know I’m depressed? They’re fucking idiots if they don’t know that messes with how somebody eats.”

Karamatsu lets his hand slip from Ichimatsu’s, and he takes a deep breath. “… Please. Just tell me the truth, brother. Have you not been eating on purpose?”

“No, you dumbass! I didn’t… I didn’t mean to not eat!” And he’s pissed again. The anger is still cold inside him, trying to break free out of the prison that depression has his emotions in. “I… I didn’t mean to…” He bites down on his lip and suddenly wishes Karamatsu hadn’t let go of his hand.

Almost as if Karamatsu can read his mind, he leans forward to start rubbing Ichimatsu’s back. It’s even better than holding hands. “Then tell me what’s going on in your mind. If we know, then maybe we can help. Even if we can’t, we can still support you. Is it the depression? Have you been feeling terrible and numb and tired for weeks?”

Ichimatsu nods. If he could just slump over into Karamatsu’s embrace, he probably would right now. “Y… yeah. It’s just gotten bad… I kept thinking it was gonna get better tomorrow, gonna get better tomorrow, and it… it never did. I’m not usually so bad I can’t eat… but… the last couple weeks, I’ve just been… so exhausted. I know I’ve skipped the bathhouse a couple times… and I’ve been sleeping a lot…”

He shakes his head with a sigh. “I didn’t want you guys to have to force me to eat at every single meal for weeks, so I just… I didn’t say anything. Fuck… and you all… you would have, huh? You care so much about trash like me, and I can’t even just fucking let you…”

“You are not trash.” Karamatsu’s voice is firm now, with absolutely no room for argument despite the fact that Ichimatsu feels like it’s a lie. He gets up from his chair and Ichimatsu is enveloped in a warm hug within seconds. Even though he can’t hug back, because of his IV and because he just doesn’t have the energy to move much, he can at least press himself into it, let himself be held. “You’re our brother who we love very much.”

It feels like they stay this way for a while. In reality, it might only be a few minutes. If nothing else, Ichimatsu feels safe inside one of his older brothers’ hugs. They can protect him from even himself, embracing him like this and shutting out everything else.

Finally, Karamatsu speaks up again. “If your depression has gotten this bad that you can’t bring yourself to eat… Ichimatsu… you can’t ignore it anymore. You cannot just keep ‘working around it’ if it’s to the point that you can’t take care of yourself or even ask us to help take care of you. Things have progressed too far, my dear brother… your mind is very ill.”

He rests his head on top of Ichimatsu’s, letting his little brother bury his face in his chest. As far as Ichimatsu is concerned, even though this feels like he’s breaking down, that he’s already been broken for so long, it’s still comforting. Someone is trying to take care of him. “The doctor says you have to stay and have your treatment… it could take up to two weeks. And after that, they want to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist for you. So that maybe someone who knows what they’re doing can help you get better.”

Ichimatsu hates the idea. It’s not the worst idea ever, but he hates it. Why can’t he just go home? Everyone who loves him is at home. They can take care of him. They can help him get better, can’t they?

“I just wanna go home,” he mumbles, hiding himself against Karamatsu. “Can’t I just go home now and start eating again and then I… I promise I’ll tell you guys if it gets this bad again…”

Karamatsu shakes his head. His hand strokes gingerly between Ichimatsu’s shoulder blades. “You can’t start eating at home, not yet. You have to be on the IV for the rest of today, then they have to monitor you carefully when you start liquid food, then solids. If they don’t keep an eye on you here, you could get very sick. And we all think you truly should go for the psychiatrist’s appointment… none of us are doctors, Ichimatsu.”

He feels a soft kiss brushed over his head. “We love you very much, and we’ll support you in every way we can… but… you’re ill, just in your mind instead of your body. So you need a doctor for your mind to make you better. Just like we wouldn’t know how to treat pneumonia, we also don’t know how to treat depression. Will you please… please make that appointment after you recover here?”

When he gives Ichimatsu a squeeze, it almost feels… desperate.

“… We want you to be healthy, Ichimatsu. You deserve to be. You can’t keep going on like this, in pain forever. We don’t want you to be hurting for your whole life, and you… you deserve so much better than that.”

Ichimatsu feels his heart sink into his stomach as it hits him just how bad things have gotten. He let himself starve because he was so weighed down by depression that he just couldn’t feed himself. He sleeps so much that he misses a lot of things going on around him. There’s a constant ache in his chest and thoughts in his brain telling him he shouldn’t be alive and there’s nothing good about him and he’s unlovable and so many other things.

Maybe Karamatsu’s right. Maybe things have gone too far and he can’t just brush everything aside anymore.

For once, his mind actually gives him a push in the right direction.

You’re not really happy, are you?

You’re not really living.

You’re just alive.

“I’m scared,” he grunts, and somehow, somehow, he manages to lift his arm just enough to rest against his brother’s hip. As if he’s looking for a handhold, some thin lifeline he can cling to so he can pull himself up out of the darkness he’s been drowning in. “I… I don’t wanna… will you… God. It’s been so hard to feel anything for weeks… now that I can sort of feel… it’s so stupid that the first thing I’m feeling is scared. Kara, if I… make that appointment… will you… maybe… come with me?”

Karamatsu hums, thoughtfully, a vibration Ichimatsu can feel through his whole body. The promise of his brothers being so close and trying so hard to help him sort of wakes up his emotions. There’s fear, being afraid to do something new and different… but… there’s also relief. He’s not just holding all this crap inside anymore. Somebody else knows, and it’s his big brother, and he’s trying so hard to help. “Of course. I’m sure the others would be happy to do so as well.”

All at once, he can feel himself relaxing. That’s it. He guesses that’s what he needed to hear, because the anxiety is starting to ebb away, he doesn’t feel as cold inside anymore, he feels okay to be sharing all this horrible shit.

“Th… thanks. I think… I think I can do it, then. Or at least I’ll try.” He shifts a little bit, so he can nuzzle up against Karamatsu’s collarbone. Fuck. He’s gonna stay here forever, or at least until he falls asleep, feeling so much safer with one of his brothers than he ever does on his own.

There’s a long road ahead if he chooses to have a bunch of appointments with whatever psychiatrist the hospital recommends, or with anyone. There are gonna be so many steps, uphill and downhill, and maybe medicine, and everything is going to suck until he starts to feel better. He can’t imagine right now taking a hundred steps toward feeling better; he can hardly imagine taking one.

But for some reason, the thought of taking a hundred steps seems easier if he’s got his brothers next to him while he takes them.

“… Hey,” he mutters, “did you say they’re gonna start me on real food tomorrow?”

“Hm? Oh. Yes, I believe they said they want to start you on liquids tomorrow, for two or three days, before trying to feed you anything solid.”

“Man… the answer’s probably gonna be no, but, are you sure you can’t sneak me a burger from the cafeteria or something?”

Of course, the answer is no. But Karamatsu is holding back laughter as he says it, and after a second, Ichimatsu starts laughing too. “You know I cannot do that, dear brother!”

“Yeahhhh.” He closes his eyes. “I’m just really fucking hungry, you know?”

#justkatsumi #Osomatsu san #whump #depression #starvation #Ichimatsu #Iromatsu #Allmatsu #Parkamatsu #Nenchuumatsu #angst #hurt/comfort #KATSUMIIIII GIVE ME MY TEARS!!!#<3

23 notes · View notes

limitlessgojo · 3 years

Text

Blood Bound: Red Strings of Fate (Ch 8)

Warnings: Action, Coarse Language, Fighting, Descriptions of Blood

Previous Chapter: Bird of Flame

Next Chapter: Wait For Me

Tags: Soulmates AU, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Reader

Taglist: @lessie-oxj @rizzo-nero @whoreuc @fkngkumiko @isl3t @gojoussunglasses @onepotatostand-blog @s-t-f-u-b-i-t-c-h @sunaswife

Notes: If you want to be tagged for every update, please mention it in the comments below ty <3

Ayiieee, this is a very big and significant chapter in the story. At 2.6k words it probably is the longest chapter in the book lol. Happy reading uwu. Feel free to yell in the comments^^

Chapter 8: Red Strings of Fate

You brought over the book you had on alternate worlds. It wasn't much help. Talking about how a mirror dimension existed.

Another you is possibly alive in the next universe, but with different circumstances due to a difference in choices made or the environment and all that.

You quickly made your way to the library. Once you arrived, you looked around for Noritoshi. You couldn't find him for the first 5 minutes and thought that he wasn't there yet.

But suddenly two hands placed themselves on either side of your shoulder. You could feel the heat emanating from the body behind you. This feeling… "Noritoshi senpai?"

"Mmmm." You turned around and looked up to see him with a small quirk in his lips. His eyes sparkled with excitement (which was a rare sight to see).

"Come." He led you by your elbow to the desk where books were all spread out. "I did some research and looked into the vision we had on the first day we met." He said as you both took your seats.

"It is possible we had visions of an alternate world. But it's now highly unlikely because of the marks that appeared on our wrists earlier. May I?" He gestured to your hand.

You nodded and handed it to him. He held it so gently, his touch making you shiver slightly. You tried to play it cool, but his eyes shot up to yours and you flushed.

He turned your wrist around to reveal the Phoenix branded on it. It glowed bright red as he stroked it with his thumb. You felt all tingly inside.

He brought out his wrist and put it beside yours. The Phoenix markings were identical in size and shape. But his wasn't glowing yet.

You reached out your hands this time to take his. "May I?" He nodded and you examined his wrist, then ran your thumb over his marking.

As you both expected, it glowed bright red. "So.. what does this mean? For the both of us?" You asked him meekly.

He sighed and took your hands in his. Both of your markings stayed bright red as you held hands. "I've been reading up on soulmates-"

"I know, you took all the books. I couldn't find any when I tried to look it up." You pouted. He chuckled at that. His fingers were now playing and slightly fiddling with yours.

"I think we might still be needing more proof, but this is pretty strong. I asked around the Kamo household as well, and they were able to find out that soulmate bonds are established when red strings actually literally come into existence and bind two people together." Noritoshi continued. He then proceeded to show you all his findings and the books he had so far.

"Hmmmm?? So we are or we aren't?" You pulled back from him, looking confused. "I think we are. My clan has confirmed for me that having past life visions, shared markings, and visible red strings tying two people together makes up a soulmate pair. It seems like we need a bit more time for the strings to manifest." He hummed, reaching over to take your hands into his again.

“Sorry I took time to confirm before I could talk to you about this. It’s been weeks since our first shared vision and I’ve been swamped with clan affairs.” Noritoshi admitted.

You shook your head, “No senpai, I was also doing my research on this. It seems unusual, even for jujutsu sorcerers to have such a shared experience so I could only talk to my family about it. We considered the possibility of seeing an alternate timeline as well, so I couldn’t make any immediate assumptions.”

“You were able to find more than I did though senpai. My parents said soulmates are able to share emotions and possibly thoughts. But that’s rare even for soulmates. I only heard about sharing past life visions, we couldn’t find anything on the marks and red strings. Real soulmates are so rare and interesting; they are said to give birth to children with powerful cursed techniques." You mused while linking and unlinking your fingers through his.

You both stared down at your hands, fingers entwined with each other, marks glowing a low red. It felt warm to hold his hand in yours. Noritoshi was so careful, cradling and caressing your fingers like they were made of glass. His hands were much bigger than yours.

"Thinking that far ahead already? I would like a baby boy." Noritoshi looked at you with a mischievous look in his eyes. You pushed at his chest. "Who said anything about wanting children?"

He looked at you with the most gentle eyes only reserved for you. "Only time will tell what happens, dear y/n."

◇◇◇

The next day, your fellow first years gathered around you (ambushed you??) before the start of class. “Y/n, is something going on between you and Noritoshi?” Mai asked.

“Ahhh uhmm no nothing really.” You were lying through the skin of your teeth here, with the secret of the century literally branded on your skin. “Awwwww, and I thought you looked cute together.” Miwa gushed with a smile.

Mechamaru felt oddly out of place with the girl’s gossip, but he still spoke up “Kamo san seems to favor you from what I see. But hey that’s just me.”

You blushed and sputtered out. Curse you and your honest demeanour. “No, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Hmmmmmmm” Mai stared at you from upclose, seemingly trying to psychoanalyse you. “We’ll see who’s right with time.”

You just laughed nervously, shaking her off. “Mai chan, you’ve been watching too many dramas. I’ll watch one with you later.” And with that you’ve successfully managed to distract your fellow first years into talking about having a movie night. Whew.

◇◇◇

Days passed and still no red strings appeared. You and Noritoshi agreed to take things slow as this is both incredibly new to you. But you had something else to look forward to.

You were finally assigned to your first mission. Luckily (or not? Thanks to Utahime’s suspicions over your relationship) Noritoshi was chosen to accompany you to exorcise a group of 2nd grade curses together.

The night was dark. Now that you’re both out in the forest, the distant lights from the city started to dim. “Watch your step.” Noritoshi warned you. You giggled at him and flew above the branches as he stared slightly affronted. “You should watch your step, Noritoshi senpaiii~,” you sing-songed.

‘How could she have such a cheerful disposition at a time like this?’ he wondered. “Stay close to me.” He ordered. Now knowing that you were a Special Class Jujutsu sorcerer definitely didn’t help his ego in wanting to show off a bit. But he can show it through years of experience.

You smiled at his protectiveness and hovered near him, holding onto his sleeve as usual. Suddenly a black mass came hurtling towards the two of you. Noritoshi prepped his bow and arrows, while you stopped its movement.

You brought it close to you and examined it. "Looks toxic." You said. A screech caught your attention and Noritoshi launched an arrow towards the source of the sound.

The Grade 2 curse jumped out of the shadows, shrieking out loudly causing both of your ears to hurt. It had fast movements, tossing out globs of toxic sludge while rapidly moving through the woods.

You placed one arm around Noritoshi's chest, while the other stretched out towards the grade 2 curse, blocking off all the attacks. “While I’m with you, the attacks won’t reach us senpai. I’ll cover the entirety of our defense.”

Noritoshi smiled and easily manipulated his arrows to hit the curse. It disappeared in a flash. You both turned and smiled at each other. “Well done my dear.” He said.

“You were amazing as well, senpai! But I sense more cursed spirits up ahead. We need to have a look.” You sighed, to which he agreed. You both moved forward until you came to a clearing, which led to a cliff with a sheer drop.

The stench of cursed spirits was almost unbearable, and two more came out rushing at the both of you. They seemingly appeared from the ground, but you noticed how they moved with the shadows.

You quickly pulled out your twin blades and cut one with ease. Noritoshi stayed right behind you, guarding your back as he forced back the other curse with his blood manipulation.

In all the confusion, a massive curse loomed over Noritoshi. It was definitely a grade 1 curse at least, which both of you were not expecting. It had the shape and body of a scorpion, but the face of a white tiger with long blood-red fangs.

It reared up, running towards Noritoshi. So your body acted on pure instinct. “Extension cursed technique: Niflheim”, you froze the curse then rushed towards it.

You tackled the cursed spirit without thinking and plunged your twin swords through its gut while slipping off the edge of the cliff. It faded out of existence as you plunged down.

All your life, you’ve been this carefully crafted, logical, and steady person that is built from hard work and experience.

And yet all of that just flew out of the window when you saw Noritoshi in possible danger. As you fell down, you could hear Noritoshi screaming for your name.

You tried to lift your body with your cursed technique. You slowly gained traction upwards, until red strands of blood wrapped around you.

"Blood Manipulation: Crimson Binding!" Noritoshi chanted and reached down to quickly pull you up. You landed on the hard ground and he released his technique as soon as you were in the clear.

"Are you insane?! Pushing it and jumping off the cliff to exorcise it?! There are so many other ways to take it down with your technique. And I could have dealt with binding it before exorcising it! Why on earth?" Noritoshi gasped out.

He was absolutely livid, red faced and eyes wide open. And that was a major understatement. You just sat on the ground, shell shocked at your own actions and at the way he was yelling your head off.

You messed up big time, and you know this because Noritoshi never raises his voice towards you.

"Why did you risk your life for me?! I could have handled that. And you don't even know me." Noritoshi’s voice was growing hoarse. You felt your throat close up and body tense. It felt like he punched you in the gut. He wasn't entirely wrong. You just met him, and you already put your life at risk to save the man.

But his words stung. They echoed in your mind and heightened your insecurities. It was like he was putting an invisible wall between the both of you. 'You don't know me.' 'I thought I did, or at least it felt like we did with each other'.

Realising that you stayed silent, you looked up at him to see his angry expression growing into something else, like worry.

You quickly smoothed yourself over. "No, apparently I don't. I’m sorry for not knowing you." But you didn't apologise for saving him. That's one thing you would never apologise for. Because that's one of your duties.

A flash of regret appeared across his face. Noritoshi came close to you and took your hands in his and looked into your eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the red strings that burst forth from your joined hands.

You stared in wonder as they wrapped around both your shoulders and bodies to bind you close to each other. You flushed as you stared up at him agape. His eyes were focused on the moving and glowing threads around the two of you before he turned to look at you.

Your eyes met once more and you were thrown into another vision.

"My love, how are you feeling?" A man was sitting beside your bed. You had bandages on your arms and everything felt so heavy. “I’m much better, as a matter of fact I think I could go out right now and get some sunshine.” You smiled.

The man gave the most exasperated sigh, "You're far too reckless. Testing your luck every time. Please, let me protect you and stay by your side."

“Yes yes. Of course, I will always stay by your side. And protect you."

"Protecting me shouldn't entail giving your life up for me. We stay alive together." He said angrily.

"Okay. It's okay." You soothed the man. "We will survive." You whispered as he leaned down to catch your lips tenderly in his.

For all his stoic behaviour, he kissed you so lovingly. Rubbing your back and patting your head softly. You turned to bury your face in the crook of his neck and pressed a deep kiss there.

"Read me a story." You asked him after a period of silence.

He brought out your favorite novel about a Princess who was sent down as a blessing from the Moon. Her father found her inside a bamboo shoot.

She was to live the life of a human, but eventually had to go back up to the heavens.

Unfortunately, she loved her human parents who spoiled her and raised her like a princess. And parting with them was terribly painful.

"I don't know why you enjoy such a depressing story." He sighed after he had finished. His lashes were so long that they were almost resting on his cheekbones.

"It's because their love is beautiful. The love that the daughter had for her parents. The love she had on earth, before she forgot everything and had to return to the moon." You dreamily explained.

He smiled. "Ever such a romantic, my love. I should do better in our relationship to please you."

You snorted, "No you've done well. It is fine as we are." You elbowed him jokingly.

But he turned to you so seriously, "I love you so much, my dear. You don't-"

The vision ends abruptly before the man could end his sentence. Your arms were now wrapped around Noritoshi's waist and his were around yours. You simply stared at each other for a while.

"Noritoshi senpai… so it's true, you're my other half." You murmured. Your pinkies were linked by the red flowing thread.

He hugged you tightly. "Yeah. And you're mine."

Everything was very quiet. You felt his nervousness, but it felt right. To hold him in your arms like this. It was like you found a piece to yourself that was missing all your life.

Noritoshi carefully brushed away the hair from your face, before leaning down to press his slightly shaky lips against your cheek. It was such a sweet gesture that you leaned to it.

You both were clearly out of your element. The idea of being in a relationship was very new to you. You've never dated before, but all the sudden the heavens dropped your soulmate right into your lap.

"Don't ever do that again." He said, lips brushing against your cheek.

You blinked. "What?"

"I won't blame you for trying to protect me. But think properly and don't be reckless when you act. I'm capable and strong as well. I don't want you to get hurt." He said.

His earlier words came rushing back to you. ‘You don’t know me.’ Your heart dropped. But you replied, "Okay Senpai."

He pulled you up as the red strings faded from view, "Let's patrol the area to make sure everything is clear then head back."

Blood Bound: Table of Contents

#kamo noritoshi x you #blood bound #red strings of fate #kamo noritoshi x y/n #noritoshi fluff #jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk imagines #noritoshi x you #noritoshi x y/n #noritoshi x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #news #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

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northern-passage · 3 years

Note

hello i hope you are having a good day/night was wanting to ask if you did write any other games before this one or did you publish stories or something,,, i am trying to work on an IF but this is my first time and i do write but i have never published anything i also usually get bored fast and just yeah your story is so so good and you put a lot of effort and work into it just wondering if you have any tips or advice like the thought of publishing something is terrifying and i don’t know if i can do it i just don’t have faith in myself

i have not published anything before this!!!

i worked as an editor in college for our creative writing club/group and do technically have credit for that as we did publish an anthology together but i never submitted anything myself to be published, i just helped behind the scenes.

ive always done a bit of writing here and there for myself, and have had story ideas brewing in my mind but nothing i’ve ever gone out and finished or anything. kinda just writing for myself before this. technically i’ve always been much more of a reader than a writer.....

and like. i worked on the tnp prologue for...hmm.....maybe a month before i published it on the forums? part of that was simply mental illness x LOL i got fixated and it wasn’t healthy and i also already had a lot of the story beforehand because it was going to be a dnd campaign... but that’s not the point. i wrote the prologue and was kinda just sitting with it before biting the bullet and posting it. and i didnt really read a lot of interactive fiction before this last summer. i just happened to follow an artist that was into it and that was how i got introduced to everything and realized it was something i could just do!!! and that it would be a cool way to share a story and get feedback

i published my demo in august and like...whew if u read the first version of the prologue u get a veteran’s discount. it wasn’t BAD but it needed a lot of work. it sucks getting criticisms and that’s definitely...a big thing to get over in the beginning. the mortifying ordeal of sharing ur writing. but it’s helped me A Lot and tnp is only as good as it is because i decided to share it and subject myself to the mortifying ordeal lmao

also getting bored is something that happens! it just does. all creatives get bored with their work sometimes or just move on but it doesnt make u any less of a writer or artist or anything. there’s that one tiktok by ghosthoney....taking a break even if it’s for years doesnt take away from the fact that you’re a creator.

my biggest tips are just. first things first you just gotta go for it. just start writing, even if you don’t publish it. don’t feel like you NEED to publish stuff, especially if you’re not ready, and never feel like you need to ‘rush’ or anything. you have all the time in the world to write at ur own pace. and while i can’t promise u that one day you’ll wake up and just be like “i’m ready” a la spongebob...there will definitely come a day where u just make that jump. that’s what i did

second is try not to compare urself to others too much, especially when it comes to like...numbers? so like word counts, followers, updates, etc. like everyone writes at their own pace and some ppl are fast as hell whereas others take a lot longer and it’s just something that is personal. don’t compare the attention someone else might get to what you get - some ppl just have more vocal audiences than others and it doesnt mean ur any less appreciated. also being on the internet be sure to set ur own boundaries, what ur comfortable with, etc.

and again...publishing stuff does take courage and you gotta be ready for feedback. some of it will be genuinely helpful...some of it will not. and especially with IF, people might try and pressure you to make things a certain way. that was one thing i wasn’t really expecting? and sometimes as i said suggestions are actually helpful, because you really can’t think of everything on your own and another set of eyes helps round out choices, but there are also some that want things to go in a completely different direction and you got to make sure it’s actually something YOU want, something that fits the story, and not just something you’re doing to please readers.

the tone and setting of tnp and the fact that i have a bit of a more defined mc makes some of the suggestions i get just....not good LOL and you just got be ready to filter that kind of feedback

and with writing to publish, keep in mind that people’s tastes are unpredictable. you can almost never guess how people will react or what they will like, and something not being immediately popular doesn't mean it's bad or you should change the way you're writing, though you will want to keep ur audience in mind. and as for your audience, you may not attract the people you expect, and there’s really no way to control that - but again setting your own boundaries is most important, first and foremost.

posting stuff publicly is really just a wild card. there’s no one universal experience - it’s unpredictable, it’s scary, it’s hard, but it can also be really really rewarding

i also will say i got lucky that about a month and half? maybe? after i published my demo i joined an authors server that has been a HUGE help. i could totally hit u with that if you’re interested!! having a group of authors to talk to that “get it” is very nice. definitely try to interact with and follow other authors you like - in my experience they almost are always down to answer questions and offer help :-)

#SORRY THIS IS SO LONG OML.....#i hope..this helped a little at least.....sorry for my rambling 🤡#feel free to ask more questions too #ask #anonymous

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undertalethingems · 3 years

Text

Bark at the Moon Chapter 19: Darker Yet Darker

Or read on my Ao3>

Rating, Setting: Gen, Pre-canon

Chapter Warnings: None?

Chapter Summary: If Alphys is going to help the brothers overcome their inability to shift forms, she needs more information. Information that lies in the grim, long-abandoned sections of the lab she never knew about. The lab where the brothers were made.

Alphys breathed. In, and out. She meshed her fingers together, then snapped them outwards with a crackle. She picked up a hammer, a blowtorch, and lowered the welding visor over her eyes.

It was time to 'hack' into the abandoned labs.

Of all the floors listed on the elevator, all but two seemed to be operational--the entry floor, and the lowest, where she'd conducted her experiments. She'd wondered about the others, of course, but had never been able to verify that they existed. As far as she could tell, they'd been dummied out, so to speak--placeholders in the elevator's control panel that weren't actually connected to anything.

Thanks to a couple of skeletons, she knew that wasn't true. There were whole sections of her facility that had been sealed off, and who was she, as a scientist, if she didn't investigate? This was supposed to be her lab, what if there was important equipment to salvage? Not to mention the implications it might have for her friends. So she'd gathered her tools and her courage, turned off most of the elevator's safeties to keep its doors open, and began lowering it manually so there'd be no bypassing whatever floors lay between. Slowly sinking downwards, her heart leapt when a door finally rose into view in the dim light--but she quickly got to work.

The blowtorch hissed and sparked, and a clang announced it had done its work. Alphys shut it off and switched to the hammer, using it to knock the doors loose and slowly pry her way through. She could really use Undyne's muscles right now... Her strong, broad shoulders... those powerful biceps covered in glimmering scales... No! She could dream later. There were people counting on her. She wedged herself in the half-open door, braced herself against the other, and pushed with her leg. It grated open, and finally, she set foot on a floor it seemed no one had used for decades.

The landing was nondescript, lit by the weak emergency lighting she was familiar with. Even so, she exchanged the welding mask for a headlamp and flicked it on, illuminating the rest of the hall down to a doorway. She took a deep breath--and tried not to choke on the stale air. Even the ventilation system seemed to have been cut off here... She'd have to be careful. Gripping her hammer, she shuffled forward into the gloom.

A greyish-white mass erupted from the wall. Alphys shrieked, backpedaling so fast she tripped over her own tail. She landed on her back and rolled, scrambling on all fours for the elevator--and then she stopped. She recognized that electronic buzzing...

She turned, looking over her shoulder. "M-m... Memoryheads?"

The mass screeched, coalescing into a more familiar appearance, and Alphys turned over and sat as she tried to catch her breath. What were they doing here...?

"U-um, hi... you know you can leave the lab now, i-if you wanted," she said, slowly recovering from her nerves. "S-sorry I yelled, by the way, you just startled me. It's... k-kind of spooky down here, huh?"

The memoryheads buzzed like an old computer's disk drive.

"W-well, maybe not to you, ha ha... U-um... I sure hope you're the only thing lurking down here! I-I... I'm going to keep going now, okay?"

She got to her feet, brushed off her coat, and picked up her scattered tools before proceeding back down the hallway. She passed the memoryheads, and looked back to see they'd begun following her a few feet behind. What Undyne had shared about them popped into her head, and she had to wonder... Maybe they could help her.

"H-hey! So, I... I didn't make you, did I? You weren't part of my experiment."

A harsh grating sound emanated from the amalgamate. Oh, that's right--Alphys dug into her pocket for her phone. The speaker crackled with static, and she listened.

"NEGATIVE RESULT."

"O-Oh, that means, no, right?"

"That is correct."

"O-oh... Oh man... so my hypothesis... C... Can you... show me where you were made?"

"One moment, please."

The memoryheads phased through the floor.

"H-hey! I can't do that!" Alphys spluttered, then sighed. She should have known... the memoryheads were the more enigmatic of her charges... and they weren't even hers! What had she gotten into...?

"You may join us now," the phone suddenly crackled, and she jumped.

"Wh-where? What floor? What number?"

"666666666666666666666666666666666666--"

She shut the phone off, ending the harsh screech. Was there even a sixth floor? She turned back for the elevator once more--though she definitely wanted to check out all the abandoned labs had to offer, she had a priority. Back inside, she checked the panel--and there was indeed a sixth level. She'd head there, and could only hope the memoryheads actually had something for her.

A bang, clang, and scrape, and Alphys forced another set of doors open. The air here was even stuffier--a lingering chemical trace intermingled with decaying tile and carpet. She coughed, and hoped the air coming down the elevator shaft would be enough until she got the ventilation working. She'd take it slow until then.

"O-okay, I'm on the sixth floor, Memoryheads," she spoke into the phone, and static rose on the line.

"Come join the fun." "Come join the fun." "Come join the fun."

She sighed. They were helping, in their limited way. There was nothing for it but to venture into the dark, and see what she'd find. She shuffled forward, feet padding along warped linoleum--the first monster to tread these halls in years.

No.

Alphys' breath caught in her throat. There, in the dust--there were footprints. She swallowed hard, and followed them. The hall opened into a room, and she passed by rows of deteriorating machines. She could only guess at their purpose--all rotten rubber tubing, peeling paint, and oxidizing metal. Generators, perhaps. The footprints passed them by, and so did she. Another hall lead to another room, this one lined with all kinds of monitoring equipment, their paneling and readouts coated with years of dust and stained by a burst pipe. But nothing here seemed to have a means of storing information--there wasn't much to be gleaned here. So she continued on.

She finally came to a room that looked like a laboratory, with workbenches and cabinets on one side--and a pair of operating tables on the other. There was also some kind of device on the floor--it had been shattered by an incredible force. The footprints seemed to stop by it before moving on.

The next room made Alphys gasp--and not because the air was thin. It was U-shaped, and tall cisterns lined the walls, nearly reaching the vaulted ceiling. The memoryheads waited here.

"Th... This is...?"

"It's a real get together," the memoryheads stated, apparently confirming her unfinished thought.

Alphys hurried over to examine the nearest tank, pouring over its construction. The craftsmanship, the expert tooling! What she wouldn't give for a set of blueprints or schematics or--a chill suddenly ran down her spine. No. This wasn't anything to get excited about.

She looked back up at the cracked glass walls of the tank before her. This was where the brothers had been... made. They'd both come from one of these--not sparked from a parent's soul like any other monster. If Gaster had stopped there, he might have been alright, but then he'd...

She turned back to the memoryheads. "C-can you show me... Do you know where the brothers lived down here? Sans and Papyrus?"

"Invalid statement. Please try again."

"Oh, you don't know... O-okay, I can figure it out. Thank you for leading me here."

"Our pleasure."

She nodded to them, and headed back the way she'd come. It seemed the owner of the footprints had done the same--but then had seemed to stagger... and then the trail vanished...? Weird...

Wait. Alphys squinted, and found a clear print. She placed her own foot beside it to compare. It was just a little smaller, left by rounded footwear... These were Sans' footprints. She should have known...! She sighed. What had Sans been looking for down here...? In any case, his trail went cold. Alphys only had her own guidance to go on now.

There was another doorway opposite of the tank room, so she headed for it--and thanked her luck as rows of ancient computers greeted her. Finally! This was what she'd been hoping for. She headed for the nearest one, and booted it up--or, tried to. It briefly wheezed to life, only to die, and she swore under her breath as she dove under the desk to open it up. These were built into the floor?! Oh come on... Maybe she could remove the hard drives and take them back to her lab for analysis. She pried the side panel open and took a look--well, that was unusual.

And bad.

The main drives had melted together somehow, the plastic and metal a bubbled mess. She swore under her breath again, and reached in to see what her magic could tell her. The spark of magical electricity raced out, laying the computer's wiring bare in her mind's eye. It was the skill that had made her such a mechanical genius, and as she sensed the magic's ebb and flow, she sighed. She'd salvaged many a broken machine others had written off, but the chances of getting anything more than parts out of this were slim. She squeezed back out from under the desk, and surveyed the room. There were at least a dozen more... She had to hope she could get something out of those. She dusted herself off, moved to the next station, and got to work.

Three hours later, and Alphys had pulled as many drives from the remaining computers. She didn't have high hopes for these either, but they'd seemingly suffered the least damage from whatever event had fried an entire room of computers. She suspected the events leading to Gaster's disappearance might have been it... but that didn't help her now. She put the drives in her tool satchel, took one last look around the room, then headed back for the elevator.

The memoryheads burst from the floor again, and Alphys shrieked.

"G-guys! I know I sh-should be used to that by now, but please--"

The amalgamates buzzed, and she pulled out her phone to listen.

"Right this way."

"O-oh, you know of... more stuff?"

"CORRECT."

"Okay. Um, lead the way then."

Alphys shuffled after the memoryheads as they flit down the hall and into the elevator. She gave them a quizzical look--and jumped as the elevator started without any input--any visible input, at least. It rose to the next floor up, and Alphys dug for her tools, expecting another round of cutting her way in. But the doors dinged and opened smoothly onto a wide landing, and she watched the amalgamate glide out. But she shook her head and followed.

The hallway opened into a larger room, with windows along one side and a door to another hallway that continued on straight. Of chief interest to her was the large computer terminal set into the wall, but there was also a monitor near the windows, and she could just make out another placed in the hallway. If nothing else, this looked promising.

She padded over to the terminal, then blinked and turned back to the memoryheads. "Hey, u-um... thank you."

"DON'T MENTION IT." "You're welcome" "be seeing you."

They phased out, leaving Alphys alone in the abandoned lab once more. She took a deep breath, and turned back to the main terminal. This looked more advanced than the computers she'd already raided, and she hoped it had been better shielded from damage. She gathered her nerves, and turned it on. It flickered--and command-line text spurted across the screen. Alphys grinned, cracked her knuckles, and got to work. Alphys dug into the files, many of which, though corrupted, still held tantalizing fragments of data.

"O-okay, this said something about behavioral sources, and that other file mentioned cross-referencing a natural history encyclopedia with the behaviors observed in a study group... A study group of what though...?" Alphys muttered to herself as she wrote her own notes on what she'd pieced together. She'd copied down a few tables of measurements, and found parameters for the tubes she'd seen in the other rooms. But there was still more to comb through, and amid the gibberish of corrupted text more complete phrases stood out, forming a log of observations.

"...UBJECT REQUIRES FOOD. UNFORTUNATE. I WAS HOPING IT WOU..."

"...BEAM OUTPUT UNDER EXPECTED PERFORMANCE. SUBJECT CONTINUES TO EXHIB... URTHER TESTING REQUIRED..."

"...SUBJECT EXHIBITS UNUSUAL BEHAVIO... NGE OUTSIDE PREDICTED... NOT FOLLOWING MY INTENDED..."

"Y-yeah, of course they didn't, you jerk," Alphys muttered to herself as she continued to scroll through the files and copy whatever had survived. She already didn't like Gaster very much, but these files were doing nothing for his reputation. She found a proposed recipe for whatever he'd used to feed the brothers and grimaced. "Just plain food-grade magic and a few basic vitamins...? Really? That would have no flavor... No wonder Sans loves fast food and Papyrus can't cook... Oh, this log looks pretty complete! Let's see what it says..."

"I HAVE NOW CONFIRMED IT... BOTH SUBJECTS EXHIBIT TROUBLING ABILITY. PHENOTYPE EXPRESSION IS VARIABLE... SEEMINGLY AT WILL. MORE TESTING WILL BE NEEDED TO DETERMINE IF THIS COULD BE... PREVENTED IN SOME WAY. FOR NOW, UNDESIRABLE ATTRIBUTES WILL BE MITIGATED."

Alphys shuddered. "M-mitigated... I guess that's a nice way of saying he made them be what he wanted... ugh. Well... there's another entry, so..."

"PHENOTYPE ISSUES PERSIST. NO PROGRESS MADE ON SUPPRESSING THE ABILITY. IT APPEARS TO BE A FUNCTION OF THEIR... DESIGN FLAW."

Alphys stared at the words before her. "Design flaw... what does he... wait.... Does he mean their souls?!"

Disgusted, she pushed away from the terminal and paced. Suggesting a soul was a flaw... she couldn't understand it, couldn't comprehend the callousness this log boasted. She bristled, and static crackled across her scales--oh, the last time she'd been this angry it had been watching Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2! But as angry as she was, she needed to keep looking. She needed whatever information this place still held. She took a few more deep breaths, ran her hands over her face, and returned to the computer to keep digging.

As it so often did, the time flew as she worked. She only realized how long she'd spent browsing and recovering files when her stomach growled, signaling it was well into the night and she'd forgotten to eat. She sighed, and rubbed at weary eyes... She'd collected so much, but there was still more, dozens of files she hadn't gotten to. She'd have to come back and keep looking at this--at least she knew where it was now. And all she'd read was enough to start formulating a hypothesis.

She shut the computer down and gathered her things, then shuffled over to the windows to have a look before she headed up. She couldn't make out much in the dim light, but the room beyond seemed... huge. She looked around and... oh! There was a light switch here. She pressed it, and overhead lighting clicked on, revealing the room beyond. It was huge--perhaps twice the size of the main floor upstairs, if not bigger. The walls were stained--but had clearly once been a stark, sterile white. Was this where the brothers had been... tested?

Alphys pursed her lips, and backed away. The lights had also been turned on in the hallway, showing more rooms. She wasn't sure she wanted to, but... she was curious. She shuffled on, and came to the first door. It was reinforced, and she could only just see through the window if she stood on her toes. More stark walls, though the room was much smaller--then she realized it was subdivided, with a thick window and another reinforced door splitting the room...

A pit grew in her stomach. This... had to be...

She wouldn't have believed anyone could keep a fellow monster like this. But, considering what she'd just read she wasn't surprised Gaster had only provided the bare essential to the brothers. She glanced up at the monitor set into the wall nearby. If it was anything like the ones she'd used herself... She waved her hand in front of it.

"HOLDING ROOM 1. CONTENTS: UNOCCUPIED."

"A-ah..." she uttered, and shuffled to the next. It was identical to the first.

"HOLDING ROOM 2. CONTENTS: UNOCCUPIED."

She supposed it was better they were empty... but she wanted to see them all. The third room was slightly different--it was a bit larger, and had a raised shelf on one side. If she squinted, she could just make out what seemed to be a ragged scrap of fabric laid on top of it. Was that... supposed to be a bed? Maybe this was where the brothers really lived... At least it had more space than the holding rooms, but there was nothing to make it any more comfortable. It was just bare, featureless metal walls. She grimaced, and activated the nearby monitor.

"ENCLOSURE 1: SUBJECT 1. WARNING: DO NOT APPROACH. SUBJECT IS KNOWN TO BE DANGEROUS. DO NOT PERMIT INTERACTION WITH SUBJECT 2. EXPERIMENT CONCLUSION: FAILURE."

Alphys shuddered, then turned to the next room. It was similarly barren.

"ENCLOSURE 2: SUBJECT 2. WARNING: DO NOT APPROACH. SUBJECT IS KNOWN TO ESCAPE, MAY BE DANGEROUS. DO NOT PERMIT INTERACTION WITH SUBJECT 1. EXPERIMENT CONCLUSION: FAILURE."

Alphys clenched her fists. Her friends weren't failures... they were incredible for holding together for so long, getting through so much, and then doing nice things for her and trusting her to help them. They had survived all of--this. Her goal was clearer than ever--but she was too tired to work on it now. She turned her back on the abandoned lab and headed for the elevator.

Reaching the fresh air of the main floor was a relief. As tempted as she was to immediately plug the hard drives she'd collected into her computer and start recovering them, she opted to fix some instant noodles and catch up on the Undernet instead. It had been a long day... she'd get back to work tomorrow, after she'd had some time to recharge.

The drives she'd recovered from the lab were plugged into her main computer as she heated up breakfast, and she sipped at a mug of coffee as she poked at them virtually. If she could coax more information out of them, it'd bolster her suspicions. To say the code structure was archaic was... an understatement. But, it meant the password protection was easily bypassed with a few tricks--she was better at actual hacking than the 'hacking' she'd done to get into the abandoned lab floors, and in moments she'd begun browsing whatever files remained. There were plenty to choose from, many of which seemed to relate to details of the Core and other technological projects. But none seemed to relate to the brothers' origins, and after thoroughly checking the rest of the available files, she moved to the next drive.

It seemed these computers hadn't been used for anything relating to the brothers, however. Barring any damage or corruption, each drive contained essentially the same files. Alphys' best guess was that that room of computers had been used by everyone in the lab... and perhaps not everyone was allowed access to the files detailing Gaster's little project. She sighed, setting the old disks aside. She'd have to go back to that main computer after all, see what else she could get, and collect her own data to compare. And that would mean calling the brothers in for some tests.

"O-okay, just, hold still please!" Alphys said, trying to steady her own hands as Papyrus fidgeted.

"Are all of these really necessary?" he griped. "They're making me, itchy, I think."

"I n-need them so I can properly read your magic! Th-these sensors are the only way to tell what's going on with it, and they won't work if I don't get them placed just right," Alphys explained.

"think of it like one of your puzzles bro," Sans suggested helpfully from where he half-dozed nearby. "do it in the wrong order and ya gotta start over, right?"

Papyrus sighed. "I suppose. Very well!"

He finally sat perfectly still, allowing Alphys to place the rest of the sensors.

"Okay! There! That's it for that--now I need to make sure they work, and then we can get, um, some data. You guys ready?"

"Finally! We're doing real science!"

"instead of being the science done," Sans joked--was it a joke? Alphys hoped so as she flicked the electro-magical field reader on.

"Okay, just like we did for S-Sans, I'm going to need you to hold still and wait for a minute so we can get a baseline," she explained.

"Of course! I was paying attention!" Papyrus huffed. "I'm just excited! To think, after all this time, we might find out why... I'm tall, and Sans isn't!"

"well, that's one possibility," Sans said, and Alphys couldn't help but laugh.

"I sure hope we find out more than that. O-okay, just a little bit longer, and...!" She watched the timer count up to one minute, then cut the data collection off. "Okay, now, I'm going to start it again, but I'd like for you to cast a few attacks. I-it can be any pattern or bullet type, you just have to keep it up for thirty seconds!"

"A simple task for someone as great as me! I'm ready!"

"Target's over there--aaand go!"

Papyrus obliged, sending a flurry of bones at the dummy Undyne had loaned them for the day. He started with a basic array, then quickly built up to a complex pattern before finishing with a blast from his own jaws. Alphys gave him a smile as she cut the reading off.

"Okay, that was great! Sans, are you sure you can't give me at least a couple attacks to compare...?"

"Yeah, come on, Sans! Your patterns may not be as good as mine, but you don't want to mess up Alphys' data, do you? I know you can do it!" Papyrus encouraged, and his brother gave a drawn-out sigh as he got up and trudged over.

"alright, alright. i'll throw you a bone."

"Sans! You better throw more than one! You have to fill thirty seconds of data!"

"geez, don't remind me."

Alphys finished disconnecting the wires that had linked Papyrus to her machine, and reconnected the lines that were still attached to Sans from his first round of tests. "Okay, everything should be hooked back up. Are you ready?"

"as i'll ever be."

"And... go!"

Sans immediately opened with a pair of blasters before tearing into the dummy with a bone maze, then sent alternating blue and white bones at it before summoning another round of blasters. As she watched, Alphys wondered if they would have a training dummy to return to Undyne by the time this was through. She gave the signal for him to stop, and he flopped to the tile floor panting.

"Sans, you showoff! Alphys, I want to do mine again, I can do better than my troll of a brother," Papyrus said, indignant. Despite his breathlessness, Sans chuckled from the floor.

"U-uh, well, maybe later--I only needed to see you guys using your attacks, it didn't really matter how, um, flashy they were," she replied, holding up her hands. "That should be good enough for now. Th... There's one other thing I wish I could test, b-but, I think I can just use the old... the old data I was able to recover for that."

"I thought the point of this was to collect brand new, un-possibly-corrupted data?" Papyrus said, fiddling with one of the wires trailing from his skull.

"W-well, yeah, but... I can't ask you guys to do it, not when you guys have worked so hard to..." Alphys fidgeted. "I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything you don't want to, and I can't imagine you'd want to do, um, this potential round of testing... so, f-forget it! It's fine."

"you wanna know what our magic's doing when we slip," Sans surmised, pushing up into a sitting position. "isolating those patterns might tell us how to turn 'em off... that's what you're thinking, right?"

Alphys sighed. "Y-yeah... but... I know how hard it is for you guys to break out of it. And... I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to. I... I saw where he kept you. I... I read at least... some of what he did to you... And I don't want this to be anything like what you went through down there."

The brothers exchanged looks. After a moment, Sans sighed. "we want to get this figured out as much as anyone. if that means... letting go... well, with any luck it'll be worth the trouble, right? plus, i'll have you guys to pull me out of it."

"Oh no you don't Sans, you are not sacrificing yourself! I mean, it's very selfless of you, but! You also have the worst time with it. So I volunteer!"

"no way papyrus, i'm not letting you do that to yourself. i'll feel better knowing you're looking out for me."

"And! You'll be looking out for me! It's fair either way!"

"no, you're not doing it. end of story bro."

"Guys," Alphys interrupted, "we don't have to do it! I shouldn't have even mentioned it, ugh."

Papyrus turned to her. "Doctor Alphys, if this is going to help us figure out how to never do this again, then I think we should. I... I want to know what he did to us."

Alphys looked at his earnest expression, and turned to Sans. "Is... Is that how you feel too?"

Sans closed his eyes and rubbed his face with a claw. "... yeah. everything we've tried... it hasn't worked. i have no idea how we figured it out as kids. so... anything that might help us get this over with... we gotta try all our options, right?"

"O-okay... If you guys are sure... then, I'll take care of my side of things. If you need a few days to decide who's going t-to... do the tests, or if we're doing them at all, that's fine. I can analyze what we collected today in the meantime."

"I think that may be best!" Papyrus replied, and Sans nodded. "You'll hear from us soon enough! You can count on it!"

"J-just, take care, okay?" Alphys said as she hurried to help remove the sensors from the brothers' skulls. "I d-don't want you guys to get hurt because of me..."

Papyrus turned to pat her head. "Don't worry about us, Doctor Alphys! We've gotten through far worse! And! This time! It's on our terms!"

She bid them farewell, hoping they hadn't all just made a terrible mistake... but she had to trust the brothers. They had gotten through worse, and come out on top every time. They were counting on her to do her job--so she ought to do it. She gathered up the lines from the EM reader, and wheeled it closer to the computer so she could input the data and begin her analysis. She'd compare the brothers' readouts to samples she'd taken of herself, some of the engineers from the Core, and her friends--all to see if anything differed between them. It was bound to be interesting.

The days passed, and even as she continued trawling through the data collected by a cruel man, she realized she was having fun doing science again. Watching the numbers come together, formulating a hypothesis, tweaking variables to monitor the effects... This was so much more up her alley, finding how all the pieces fit together. And as she collected more pieces, she was getting a clearer picture of just what state the brothers' souls were in, and what Gaster's experiment had been meant to achieve.

She just needed was one last piece to confirm her idea and start working on a solution. She could only hope she'd hear from the brothers soon...

Finally, Sans called her one afternoon, sounding especially weary. "heya alph."

"Oh! H-hi, Sans! What's up?"

"i, uh think we're ready."

"... I guess Papyrus won the argument, huh?"

Sans managed a laugh. "yeah. i couldn't stand up to his flawless logic... which was 'go into the woods for a few days to loosen up' before i could get around to it myself."

"Uh. Wow."

"yeah. he's always really on top of things."

"He's... okay, right?"

"oh yeah, my bro's fine. it's just... rough, seeing him like this, y'know?"

"I bet. A-anyway, I'm ready whenever you guys are."

"ok. we'll be right up."

"Okay! I'l be ready!"

Sans hung up, and she scrambled to actually be ready, because whenever Sans said he was about to be somewhere, he was almost always already there. She pulled the EM reader away from the wall, and gathered a bundle of sensors and draped them over the top just as there was a knock at the door. She squinted, because that was an automatic door...

"Come in!" she called, and the door slid open.

"you're supposed to say 'who's there'," Sans replied as he ambled in, Papyrus in tow. "alright, good luck getting him to hold still this time. don't think he's, uh, as far as he could be, but, should be enough for your tests."

Alphys looked from him to Papyrus, who was warily sniffing the floor. She could already tell in how he carried himself and studied the room that he really had fallen back on instincts. Which was what they needed for the test, but... like Sans had said. It was rough seeing him like this.

"O-okay. Papyrus?"

He perked up, and swung his head around, tilting it to one side.

"Um, hi. Can you come over here, please?"

He looked to Sans, who nodded before walking slowly over to the machine. Papyrus followed, and scrutinized the device thoroughly before sitting down and studying her patiently.

"Okay, now, I need you to hold still while I stick these on," she explained, feeling like she was repeating herself--but she wasn't sure Papyrus remembered the last time he'd been here. "Th-they might get a little itchy, but, I need you to let them stay on, okay?"

Papyrus made an uncertain warble as she approached, but Sans gave him a reassuring hoot and laid down. Alphys gave him a look.

"U-um... you're not... slipping too, are you?"

He gave her a weary shrug. "doing my best not to, but... we stick close, y'know?"

Alphys pursed her lips, but continued with her task. Papyrus was surprisingly patient despite his former concern, only fidgeting a little as she pasted the sensors onto his skull and sternum. He tried to scratch at them once--but Sans batted his hand down with a gruff rasp, and though Papyrus shot him an annoyed look, he settled down.

"Okay, they're all hooked up! I'm starting the test now--just, hang in there okay?"

Well before the minute was up, Papyrus got too fidgety again, and risked pulling away from the machine--but before Alphys could scold him, Sans started a game with him. He summoned a small bone just within the reach of Papyrus' neck, and Papyrus snapped at it--missing as Sans pulled it away at the last moment. Papyrus uttered a playful growl, his tail flicking before he lunged at the bone's new spot--and missed again. Sans evaded him a few more times before Papyrus caught the bone in his jaws and it fizzled out of existence. Sans summoned another bone, and the game began anew.

"Alright, that should be enough!" Alphys announced, and the two looked up--though Papyrus took the opportunity to catch the latest bone Sans had been taunting him with. "I think I can work with this--thank you so, so much you guys. I should have more info in a week or two... Are you really going to be okay?"

Sans shrugged. "we're going to undyne's after this, she'll get him to shape up. we'll see ya later, alph."

"O-oh, okay! Tell her I said hi," Alphys said, hoping she wasn't blushing as she peeled the last of the sensors off Papyrus. "With any luck, I'll be able to help you with a different kind of shape."

"heh, good one. ok bro, ready to see undyne?"

Papyrus warbled an affirmative, and with a click, and a blink, they were gone.

Alphys shook her head, and turned to begin analyzing her results. She still didn't get how Sans did that. Maybe there'd be something in the data.

There certainly was a lot of data to go through. Alphys had been building her hypothesis, but as she got deeper into the numbers, she realized there was more to it. She dug back into the abandoned lab's computers, hacked and reconfigured her way in, and scraped every last bit from the broken registries and hidden backups. She cheered when she found a nearly complete log charting the brothers' growth, only to feel sickened by Gaster's actions yet again as she read the suggestions on how to alter their physiology and diet to get better results--whatever that meant.

"Subject had human-derived willpower substance drawn today..." Alphys read, squinting. "Human derived... willpower substance? What does he mean by..."

A chill seized her. Surely it wasn't the same...? She scrambled back through the readouts she'd taken from the brothers, and cross referenced them. Oh. That would explain... why that part of the wavelengths had looked so odd. She sank back in her chair--it really was the same. Determination... Really, knowing the memoryheads hadn't been her doing, and the blueprints she'd found, she shouldn't be so surprised. Somehow, the brothers were stable--thank god. But, why...? Why add that to... a living weapon? Or a monster? She kept digging, trying to understand the man who'd created life just to use it as a tool.

But before she could make much progress or come to any conclusions, Undyne called her.

"Alphys, are you busy?" she said ugently, and Alphys dropped the stack of papers she'd collected.

"N-no, why?"

"It's Papyrus. We can't get him back."

Alphys froze, heart racing instantly. "...Wh-what? It wasn't too b-bad when he was here--what's going on?"

"It's," she started, frustration clear, "it's like he just keeps sliding, no matter what we do. Sans won't say anything but I can tell he's worried. We thought you might be able to tell us something..."

Alphys gave a shuddering breath. "I... It's too early, I haven't had a chance to analyze everything yet. I-I only have a guess as to why the brothers can change at all, not--not how to help them yet..."

Undyne grunted. "Okay, well, we'll help him as much as we can. Let us know as soon as you find something, okay? Please."

"I-I'm working as fast as I can. Just.. just tell them to hang in there, I should have something soon."

"Okay. Thank you, Alph."

She hung up, and Alphys was left staring ahead at her desk. It... was... probably okay? The brothers had been stuck in their feral states before, and both had snapped out of it eventually. It was the pattern--even if they stayed in the blaster form for a while, they'd get back to their true selves...

A pattern.

The idea seized her. Scrambling through the papers before her, she began compiling all the notes, charts, anything that was relevant. She hoped her hunch was wrong, dread coiled tight in her chest as she began running the numbers.

A week of nearly constant work later, and she had her results in hand.

Alphys stared at it, threw it aside to pace, then came back to it. This couldn't be right. But it explained... too much about the problems they'd had. She couldn't bear the thought of telling them... but she had to, didn't she? They deserved to know. But if she told them, wouldn't they hate her...? No, they might hate her more if she didn't say something, tell them that they...

She had to tell them.

"Th-thanks for coming," she uttered, trying not to let her voice shake as Undyne and the brothers entered her lab again. Papyrus balked at the doorway, and only scuttled in once Sans had plodded into the center of the room, proving it was safe. His gaze darted around his surroundings, and he chittered nervously. Alphys frowned. They really hadn't gotten him back, and today... she'd be telling them why.

"Uh, so, how's it going?" Undyne said, trying to lighten the mood with small talk as they gathered around a fold-out table. "You said you had something for us, right? Not gonna lie, I've been super excited for the results."

Alphys sighed, and Undyne's smile fell.

"Alph... what did you find?"

"I-I," she stammered, "I found... well... I found a lot. Not everything, but, enough to figure some things out. I was able to piece together what Gaster did to make the brothers the way they are, b-but... I also found something... that's... bad. And it has to do with why Papyrus isn't back to being himself... but I didn't find out any way to help you... I'm sorry."

"s'ok. you did your best," Sans said, his head laid on the table and eyes dim. What was happening now had clearly taken its toll.

Undyne grimaced. "Well, it's only been a little bit since you started working, right? Maybe you just haven't found the answer yet. But, I think you should tell us what you did find."

"Maybe," Alphys said, trying not to sound defeated. It was true she'd only had all the data for a little while, but... she wasn't sure it would matter. "I... I want to be more honest about my work, s-so... I'll tell you what I found, even though it's bad news... If... if you don't want to hear it, I don't blame you..."

Sans closed his eyes. "Papyrus... isn't going to understand it. So... you can say whatever."

"We're not gonna be mad or anything just because you did your job," Undyne reassured her. "Tell us what you found out."

Alphys grit her teeth, and turned to Sans. "S-so... I guess I'll start with why you guys are like this to begin with. The beginning's usually a good place to start, right? Ha ha... Anyway... I'll, um, try not to ramble but... I think the gist of it... is that, Gaster tried to make a living... bullet. You know how some monsters can cast attacks that, um, seem like their own entity, right? That sort of construct is uncommon, but not unheard of--but, they're not truly living things, they're attacks the same as any other. It seems like... Gaster wanted to take this idea further, and make attacks that could potentially think for themselves and last outside of battle a long time. All to hunt humans...

"He constructed some extremely advanced attacks--based on what I could find, he figured out their most intricate workings, even how to 'program' them with certain traits or behaviors--ones he learned hunting animals on the surface have. It looks like he spent years refining this technique. But... he still couldn't get them to last outside of battle like he wanted. The way he saw it... the next step was to add a little bit of soul energy. H-he, um, apparently didn't expect... that even a small amount would become a full soul. S-so... the soul formed inside this... programmed attack format.

"It was easiest for the magic to flow along these pre-constructed paths... but the soul... still contained the genetic format for a skeleton monster--a bipedal form with intelligence and skills beyond what Gaster had intended. So... without realizing it... he ended up with a sort of... hybrid, of his specialized attack, and a monster that, um... technically... was his... child."

"Gaster should count himself lucky he's erased, because if I got my hands on him..." Undyne growled, her fists clenched tightly, "he'd WISH he was."

"Y-yeah, seeing all this, I was furious too," Alphys breathed. "He... in what little I read, he just... talked like he was working with animals. M-maybe... he'd convinced himself that's all you were. B-but... so... that's... where your instincts, and ability to transform, come from. It was all him--he, unwittingly, gave your souls this ability by trying to fit them into another form."

"...huh," Sans uttered. "guess that does explain it... why we can do it, and why the instincts only come up when we're like this."

"So is there any way to like... turn it off?" Undyne said. "It's not really a part of them, so maybe--"

"I-it is, though" Alphys said, downcast. "It's as much a part of their soul as, I dunno, bone magic. A-and, turning it off, w-well... Gaster wanted to do the opposite, and take away their other form... He never actually succeeded, obviously, but... that... brings me to the bad news."

"Wh... What do you mean?"

Alphys heaved another sigh. "I didn't think anything of it at first. It just seemed like... like a coincidence, or maybe Gaster just wore you guys down over time, but... You've said it was easier to change back and forth when you were younger, right? And you just... did it less as time went on... B-but... well... with Papyrus being unable to get back from even a relatively mild slip with your guys' help... I got to thinking...

"Maybe... maybe there was actually a pattern to it. Th-that... as time has gone on... it really.... It really is getting harder for you guys to switch back and forth. Like... like the forms get more entrenched as time goes on, a-and, the longer you stay in them. S-so... I plotted all the times it mentioned you guys switching forms on a graph... a-and..."

She slid a pair of papers across the table for Sans and Undyne to study. Each was labeled with their names, and the points on the graphs plotted lines--but they looked more like waves, the crests and troughs of which increased in amplitude as time went on as their frequency decreased. A fainter line projected the waves' path into the future--and it went off the page.

"I-I... I think... W-well, the data suggests, that, if... if we can't get you guys changed back soon... you... you might... slip, and... not... not be able t-to break out of it... e-ever... ever again."

Sans' eyes blinked out. "... papyrus is going to be stuck like this forever?"

Alphys had never heard his voice break like that before. She could barely speak herself, but she couldn't leave things there. "I-I don't know, there's--there's still a chance we can bring him out of this. We just--we can't let it get too far, o-or... A-and I mean, I could be wrong! God, I hope I'm wrong... My d-data is probably pretty incomplete, I don't have much f-from, when you were younger or before all this... B-but, it's... It's a possibility, and, when you called and said you hadn't gotten him out of it, that's when I realized what might be going on, why you might not be able to change back like you did a long time ago... and, I... I'm so sorry..."

Undyne clenched her fists. "I... I really hate Gaster. ALL of this, ALL of your guys' suffering, is because of HIM, and hearing it might not be something you can escape? I WON'T accept that. Alphys, if I can help you, just tell me what to do--I'm NOT letting this guy take my friends away after he's already DEAD."

"we'll still be around," Sans uttered, voice subdued. "just won't be like we used to. i... i dunno what we'll do to live, but... h... hey, just... keep being nice to my bro, ok?"

"Sans, we're not giving up! I can't give up! I WON'T give up! I--" Undyne was interrupted as Papyrus, seeing her upset, had put his head against her arm and nuzzled it. She grimaced, and patted him with a hand as she continued. "I said it before, I'll say it as long as I need to. I won't rest until you guys are back the way you want to be. Alphys hasn't finished her research, so there might still be something we can do. For your brother's sake, don't you DARE slip, or give up, or let go. Okay?"

Sans looked up at her, beleaguered. "dunno... i was never good at fighting the inevitable..."

"Well it's not inevitable yet," Undyne stated firmly. "Alphys, if we get the bros changed back soon, what will happen?"

She thought. "I-it... it should mean it's their other forms--the regular skeleton monster form--that becomes dominant. A-at least, at least on this scale. I didn't plot ahead like... decades, s-so it's possible this doesn't show every outcome... B-but... the sooner we avert the current trend, the better..."

"so... how much time... before we're too far gone?" Sans murmured, and Alphys winced. Despite Undyne's words of encouragement, he was obviously doing pretty badly.

"I can't be sure--it, I think it depends on how much you keep exercising your mind, since that seems to be what's helped you break out of it. I'd... I'd keep trying with Papyrus too. I... I'm with Undyne on this one, I... I don't want to give up, even though it looks really bad... S-so, please... you can't give up, Sans. I know that's really hard for you, b-but... one of the other things I discovered, that I'm still researching is... that... You both have artificially elevated levels of Determination. I... I think that's something else he figured out--how to give Determination to monsters in a safe way. It might be another factor in why you haven't been able to change back, but... It might help keep you going, too."

Sans studied her for a while, then closed his eyes. "i dunno. all this... sounds like there was never anything we could do about it. the moment either of us changed this last time... our fate was sealed. i'm... i'm just so tired. all the work we've done to keep ourselves together... it didn't get us anywhere. i... i'll try to keep it together, for papyrus... i don't want to leave him hanging. but... it's been real hard. and if it's only going to get harder... i don't think i can keep it up for much longer."

Undyne reached over to pat his shoulder. "Look, we'll get through this. You just keep holding on to yourself, I'll help with Papyrus--done that before--and Alphys will keep looking for a solution. Monsters didn't get to where we are today by giving up, so you can't either."

"Yeah Sans, I promise I'll keep looking," Alphys stated--Undyne's will was bolstering her own. "Now that I have an idea of what's going on... maybe I can figure out how to undo it--not, not all the way. Like I said, this... this is a part of your soul. But... if we can figure out how you can change back, then, it should stay dormant for a long, long time. And, that's worth going after."

Sans opened his eyes, their lights returned as he studied them both, then looked to his brother, who had gotten bored and wandered off to bat a piece of crumpled paper across the floor. "i... to be honest? i dunno if i care how we end up. all i want is for papyrus to be happy. but... i guess... if i slip too, i dunno who's gonna take care of him. if i can't hold a job, we can't pay for a house, or good food, or... he couldn't do any of the stuff he really loves. i, uh, remember how it was when we lived in the forest, and... i don't want him living like that ever again. so... i guess i do have to keep it together, huh?"

Alphys smiled with relief. "Y-yeah, you do. I still have a lot of data to go through, s-so, nothing's decided yet, b-but... I figured you should know what might be happening, and... hopefully... do something about it. I know I'm going to try."

"Yeah, don't worry! We've got your backs, okay?" Undyne said, grinning widely. She wound up to slap him on the back, but he dodged out of the way.

"ok, don't make that literal," he said, sounding a little better as he squinted at her. "i, uh... won't make any promises. but... hey, maybe i should help with the research too. if there's anything good i inherited from gaster, it was his smarts. science stuff is still cool, despite him."

"I'm glad he didn't totally ruin it for you," Alphys replied, heart soaring as her own hopes returned. "I certainly could use the help, and it would help keep your mind sharp, s-so, if it's not too much for you... that might be good for both of us."

"heh... using gaster's own specialty against him? can't say i don't like the sound of that," Sans replied, something like spiteful glee shining in his eyes now. "yeah. count me in."

"Aw man, all of us working together!" Undyne cheered. "It'll be great!"

"Yeah... yeah, I think that'll be nice. I'm... I'm sorry I couldn't give you guys good news today, but... That's hardly the end of it," Alphys said. "We'll see where the data leads us, and go from there, and not give up until we're sure we've thought of everything. Until then... I'm not through with Gaster's work. He... he's dead... But I won't let him win!"

#Undertalethingem writes #bark at the moon fic #gaster blaster au #sans (undertale)#papyrus (undertale)#alphys (undertale)#Undyne (undertale)#aaaah finally! sorry it took so long to get this out but it's done now ^^#let me know if i need to tag anything??? i don't think there's anything obvious but #this is an angsty story with bad things happening so =u=;

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crimsonandcloverwrites · 3 years

Text

ok bhah ch11 my longest yeah boi ever

i’m literally... so excited I can’t even read it ok ok

oh no not the wedding invitations not this

i swear to god if we have to go through this wedding. knifeemoji

listen I have a fear that we’re gonna get the break up and the car accident same as canon dear god don’t put us through that either

no fears *literally everything that could make bhah more painful* several fears dot meme

god not the jamie invite. she cant even do it. another sign from god you are choosing to ignore

straight to Jamie’s house oh

lmao the red door I just worked out that’s a hill house reference from when I was wondering in like ch3(?) lol the inner workings of my dumbass brain never stop

“can we talk?” it’s happening what is happening

Dani was so tired of lying oh my god

my heart is literally beating so fast

alone in Jamie’s room bro wtf wtf

Jamie is just so soft and understanding always always aaaahhhhh

fuck she just wants out of this wedding so bad but she can’t even tell him

AAAHHH SHE KISSED HER OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING

fuck fgkjhdfkjgh this is not good oh no. Dani finally finally fucking doing something for herself and Jamie so aware that this cannot be happening like this right now

and yet both of them just falling into it anyway oh my goddddd

jesus christ jesus christ “Dani had half crawled into Jamie’s lap, kissing her with a fierce and fervent heat” I am on deaths door

god they’ve both wanted this for so so so so long I can’t believeeeeee

(i am so thrilled that y’all just went there right away btw)

“Please, just - I just want to feel how I’m supposed to.” oucchhhh Dani

god her just... knowing. after one kiss w Jamie that she can finally do it and talk to him and end it and it’s so terrifying but goddd yes

“You think I can ever say no to you?” oof

“Ask,” Jamie breathed. “Ask me.” fucking fuck the power of this line oh my god Jamie is so fucking ready to jump of a bridge for her it’s- the dedication the love the longing the everything I am going insane is it too early to start drinking at 1pm

you’re not you can’t NOT THE CANON DINER SCENE

fuck this is like watching a car crash i can’t look away it’s so fucking visceral and nerve-wracking and painful

but god I’m so proud of her for finally saying what she wants

oh thank fuck y’all didn’t take him out with a passing delivery truck

“You must have known. You know me.” oh god this sentiment always kills me

“She couldn’t say it — the words ‘I’m gay’ forever out of reach — so instead she said, “I can’t.”” my whole body is on fire oh my god this is.... too fucking real

jesus christ the near miss w the truck are u trying to kill me (i actually kind of love that Dani will have to deal w her feelings w him face to face instead of having to bury it all in grief like in canon I am so excited to see how y’all handle that)

a fucking HOUR in the car dfkjghdfkjh the torture

oh honey. literally both of them suffering so much ouch

her favourite saucepan pls this is all so awful and sad but that make me laugh so much the poor confused little duck I am glad she has her comforts

god poor Dani

"Is she here to cook something?" fgkjdhfkgjhfkjgdf

“No. I think you’re brave.” oh

“We’ll figure it out." listen listen I am undoubtedly losing my mind god this is soft

“She had spent so long being asked and not asking. Never asking. She never dared. To ask was to be known, to be made visible, words forging reality as surely as a smith’s hammer. And yet Jamie waited, letting Dani gather the courage herself.

"Can I -?" Dani said, "- stay?"” please fuck I am just so !!!!!!!! about Dani getting to know what she wants and having a fucking voice. just !!!!!!!!

“Jamie inviting her in” fucking just both of them finally getting some of that quiet courage w each other I am yelling so much

“Dani knew that it wasn't just her feeling this, that it had never just been her.” YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT BABEY

““But you do?” Dani asked. “Want to?”

Jamie’s answering laugh was brief and incredulous. “You have no idea.”” I AM: HOOTIN. AND: HOLLERIN

“I am here” hello? hello I am not coping I am on another plane of existence. DANI FINALLY FEELING SO PRESENT AND WHOLE IN THIS MOMENT

god they’re just holding each other i’m tearing up. Jamie is her home

Dani finally sleeping through the night ow my fucking heart

Mikey’s so chill about all of this sdkdhfdkj I love him

Jamie going out n buying her favourite jam... god the tenderness. love is stored in the strawberry jam and the hairdryer

hmmmmm her attraction to Jamie is so closely tied to a lot of really hard feelings this is gonna take a bit to work through huh???

aw Jamie going to Carson I am so happy she has her little band of gays to help her rn

I love that she can just kiss her now when she gets the urge like maybe chill out a lil just landing all these surprise kisses but like good for u girl. good for both of u

the warmth of the house hmmmmm I love that she’s found this esp because she is perpetually cold and Jamie is always warm but keeps it like that for the kid (and probably for Dani too) aaahhhh

cgjkdfhkjgh Dani is so thirsty poor Jamie trying to keep them in check. these moments are so fucking loaded holy shit

Dani Jamie and Mikey are the cuuutest lil family aw

god the tentativeness between them trying to figure this all out and the casual intimacy and just. all of it is so much and so beautiful to watch unfold

i love this little bubble inside Jamie’s house and Jamie kind of drawing the curtains around them both physically and metaphorically while she lets Dani figure things out and lets it settle between them

it’s all about the hands

oh my god Hannah instantly asking if she needs a place to stay she really is the best

soft little mornings with her Jamie like... once Dani finally defeats the ball of guilt in her chest there is so much goodness to look forward to and I am v glad she has that right now even as she is still struggling a bit. my girl needs all the sweetness in her life

also the idea of Jamie getting to wake up to sleeping Dani in her bed every morning after a lifetime of trying to repress her feelings... god

heh she’s already figuring out all the ways to push Jamie’s buttons god these two are going to have some fun w each other

this idea of learning the creaking floorboards of a new home is so... warm

Jamie leaving all the curtains drawn for her oh my heart keeping her safe keeping her safe

Nan would be so proud of ms Dani u know it’s true

awww Mikey comin home to keep her company

Mikey Dani time is always so sweet I love them

my god Dani n Jamie are so intense w each other and just so full of fucking desire... when those floodgates finally open will they even survive

oof Dani is dealing with soooo much ugh. Jamie always there with a gentle way to bring her back down to earth tho my hearrrtttt

“You’re allowed to be happy.” she is SHE IS ty Jamie Taylor voice of reason

a pinky promise to deal with everything together awwww

“why are you so good to me” “you know why” oh my goddddddd. that’s so soft that’s so gentle that’s so much love

Dani finding little bits in herself in media god i love this

Dani Mikey hours best hours

god Carson... sweet boy. And Judy sending over a whole bunch of food oof just. these quiet little reminders of their love for her. Dani’s about to go through a whole bunch more emotions huh?

fkjdfkjgfh Mikey going into protector mode when Carson is there pls i love hm

ohmy “our room” aaaaaaahhhhh

god Dani expecting him to be upset with her I am so fucking emotional. I relate far too much to Dani in canon and in this story and it’s just. painful as hell to see someone go through the things you know hurt the most holy shit

please Carson is so sweet and understanding and telling her he’s proud of her is making me cry so much I can barely see

this whole like.. uncomfortable but relief-filled kind of coming out between her and Carson is so so beautifully done I can’t stop fucking crying

“God, you two were agony to watch.” fglkdfgkjdfhkjgh Carson a voice of the people

“You deserve to be happy.” - Carson and also me and also everyone reading this

god he is so wonderful!!!!!! this reminder that she’s not alone and everything will be ok!!!!!!! Carson I love you so much

the box being described as “the beating heart of their childhood“ god the imagery

Jamie so sweetly making room for her and welcoming her into a home I am emotional again the tears have really been unlocked now I’m gonna be a mess the whole rest of this chapter (i say as if I haven’t been already)

the really sweet way Jamie gets her to open up and trust her with the things that have been on her mind

and Dani doing the same for her god this gentle honest space between them makes my heart feel so full I am just so happy that they’ve got each other

“I want you to stay.” please (also now I’m thinking about AE putting Stay on her Jamie playlist jesus christ I am being tortured)

they get... to wake up.... in bed together. i’m so close to crying again when will this stop

i kind of love there hasn’t really been any like... just no more kissing u know but we still get this insane intimacy between them in a way that’s not them shying away from the way they want each other but so carefuly and sweetly and honestly coming towards each other

awww them always waking up all tangled is so cuuute (also Dani feeling so safe and comfy with her that her subconscious is like lets latch on she is good she is home)

lmao Dani having to mediate between these two dweebs and their playfights is so good

Jamie having her lil family surrounding her aww

(also i just noticed the rating change oh god)

sfkjfhdg Jamie looking at her hips all dark eyes and wanting we’ve all been there girl

“you can look” BOLD DANI MY BELOVED

god these two........ the grabbing her silver chain god @ google how to breathe properly??????

“Then show me.” oh my god

fkgjhdfkj so much electricity they shorted out the power

“this is just as nice” when they’re just hugging please they are so soft

i love that there’s just like... gentle soft banter between them in these quiet moments so much

“Dani, give him more homework.” ghrfjkhjgkjgh

god the heated cheek kiss

this ‘game of chicken’ god they’re just.... really in it huh this is so fun

hmmm Dani going through the suitcases and sort of being able to bring some of herself/her past into this new place is so nice

heh this lil family and their snowfights are so cute

:( she can’t bring herself to eat Judy’s food

Jamie bringing her flowers oh soft

ugh they’re just so softly melting into being together it’s so sweeeeeeeet

“You’re lovely.” and the way Jamie just sinks into her with Dani’s fingers in her hair pleeease I am dying this is so warm

aaaahhhh they’re dancing soft soft soft

“gray eyes fluttered closed, as though the weight of Dani’s touch was too much to bear” god i am..... aaaahhhh

“a gentle calm settling within her. It had seemed that for all her life she had waited for the quiet of this” y’all this is so beautiful and lovely and wonderful and all the good things

ah that kiss. kinda feels like their first real kiss where they just get to be god I am so happy “a profound sense of finally” oh oh oh that’s such a pretty concept

god I love how much they just want each other that second kiss and them just all over each other is perfect and having to try and reel that in and being able to because they know it’s not going anywhere please it’s so so good

god Dani vs Desert Hearts I love this callback and the entirely different circumstances of her watching it again

dsjfhdkjfh oh no Dani losing her mind at Jamie touching her knee god these two have got the biggest storm coming

dfkdjhkgdjh god them like.... trying to take things slow but still letting things happen while having to be aware of Mikey is so funny but I kinda love it and how indicative it all is of them being so grown up and able to approach their relationship in such a mature way. as much as I wish they’d had their teenage love story I do like that it’s unfolding this way now.

“it struck Dani then that she couldn’t remember ever laughing while doing this.” aww

Mikey’s “oh gross” hahahaha poor kid

god this is so funny

“ferret kid” jamie why are u like this sfkjhdfkjf

oh lordt it seems we have reached the unabashedly horny phase good show ol’ chaps

god they’re still so soft tho this is so fun to read

i looove how flustered they both make each other w just their presence. it’s just so !!!!!!

lmao Dani knowing exactly what to do to drive Jamie insane is fdkgfdkjgh perfect amazing show stopping more neck kisses more teasing more barely restrained desire i love it

“the reckless rush of being in each other’s arms” AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

lmaooooo Mikey Jamie is going to lock you outside if u keep doing this

the fact it can just fade back to comfortable companionship too is like. ugh i love them together

“Yeah. You can touch me whenever you want.” oh jesus

“No more interruptions, no more waiting, no more holding back.” it’s happening god it’s happening everyone stay calm (also the slow build to this point has been so fucking perfect y’all are writerly geniuses)

lmao Dani is like please can we just get naked why do u want to watch a movie I am literally right here

oh she is not waiting anymore THAT’S MY GIRL GO GET EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER WANTED I LOVE YOU

“What do you want?” god the tension

aaaaahhhhh just. them being so out of their minds with want but still all nervous and wanting to check in but still just. wanting this so much god this is *chef’s kiss*

lmao Dani already having the hair pulling thing figured out is so good. poor Jamie lol is she even going to survive this

god the fact they’re both still fully clothed n still getting this fucked up just making out n grinding on each other I love this for them

mum just came in to tell me dinner is ready I AM ALREADY EATIN GOOD

lmao fuck I am just... so thrilled for Dani finally getting to experience this get ur whole world rocked baby u deserve this

thumb in her mouth i-

“my idiot” pls that’s so soft

“You have me.” i know this is like. horny but it’s also so romantic sfgkjhdfkjg

ayoooo Jamie’s tattoo excuse me while I lose my mind a lil bit

my god Dani is so impatient to get her naked I love her for it so much “I just want to feel you”... ma’am

Jamie being all nervous is so cute aw

god having this lil moment where they just call each other beautiful n get all cute about it while they’re fully naked n grinding on each other.... perfection

god I can’t stop thinking about every other mention of Dani having sex w Eddie and it just being like adequate or like her not letting him touch her and now LOOK AT MY BABY GO SHE’S REALLY HAVIN THE TIME OF HER LIFE LITERALLY BEGGING TO BE TOUCHED LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO

I feel like I’m like cheering Jamie on rn sfjkghdfkj u guys need anything? some snacks? a condom?? ur doing great!!

Dani crying and thanking her like this is an acceptance speech love that for her

Jamie kissing all over her face aww

I can’t believe this whole chapter is them just getting to fall in love for real

“I want to taste you” i am blushing goddamn Jamie get it

oh my god the dream. she’s literally living out her dreams

“that same focused intensity that could make kingdoms fall” I love that Jamie is just as into getting Dani off as Dani is getting off lmao GOOD FOR THEM

Dani: desperately tryin to get Jamie off. Jamie: are u sure u want to tho??? miss ma’am let the girl touch u already she deserves it (but i do love that she’s always just like.... never wanting to make Dani do anything she doesn’t wholeheartedly want to)

“You sitting here on top of me like this is doing more for me than you can imagine.” iconic jamie moment

Jamie literally just like.... ‘you can do whatever you want to figure this out’ is so sweet I love her capacity for just. giving herself over to Dani in every way (not just the horny ones) to let her forge her own path

“It was easy to understand now, the exhilaration of it, why people went crazy for it.” god I love this for her so much everything just falling into place

they’re so soft n comfy together and it’s all just so right and lovely

i love that once they’ve started they basically can’t stop honestly get it girls u deserve all the orgasms

“When did you know?” “Sixteen years.” oof my heart she’s known the whole time aaahhhh. all these lil memories god it really was all out of love I could cry. and Jamie admitting the scarf/scar thing whew she really carried around that moment on her face for the whole world to see (also lol at Dani being so fixated on it this whole time that’s so perfect)

heh they’re so cute with their lil teasing banter exchange

lol goddamn this so so spicy I am just dfklghfjkdjghkjdf (that is to say well fucking done I can’t even speak rn)

Jamie just being like you could literally just look at me and I am turned on I... love this whole situation for her so much

god they’re really just going all in Dani is getting like the.... lesbian sex speed run amen

oh god not Karen on the phone just hang up Dani do it do it

god she is so evil

omg she told her abt Jamie go off Dani I am v v proud of u right now

and she hung up on her godbless babe i LOVE your audacity

heh Jamie so transfixed by Dani’s lil purple sweater and skirt I love her

Dani u are such a tease sfkgjdfkg good 4 u tbh

awwww she got Dani’s desk for her oh my god that’s so lovely

Dani n Jamie being entirely not subtle over dinner w their lingering glances and Carson just laughing at them fkjghdkfjgh i love it. he’s so happy for them even w his teasing aw

aaahhh i just love Jamie giving her this space and this room in the house and Dani feeling so right in it

oooh an almost “I love you” god they’re just fuckin u-haulin in love perfection huh

and now we’re back to horny hours love this for them. gotta bless that desk somehow huh!?

i love the mentions of all this soft stuff about belonging when they’re about to rail each other it really rounds it out emotionally

“Get on your knees.” OH MY GOD THE JAMIE ON HER KNEES REDEMPTION MOMENT IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING

HELL YEAH IT IS this is truly what we all deserve

oh my god literally ripping her clothes off her fuck i love how desperate they are for each other and just how into this they both are always

dfgkjdfh jesus Dani are u ever going to be able to get work done at this desk again after Jamie does.... all of this to u on it

“Good girl.” the single most powerful sentence in the lesbian language

jesus christ this is still so incredibly steamy sdflkhskhg it never ends. and them like.... experiementing a bit w some different um. approaches? lol good 4 them good 4 them (and us)

my god them instantly getting all soft after about making each other happy please they’re so dang cute

ok love that we are also getting Dani on her knees it’s equality.gif

this little “I like you” “I like you too” confession right now is... so fucking soft and like... after everything they’ve gone through they still have the power to kinda knock each other off their feet w lil things like this huh?? sappy lil shits

oh no Judy I am scared

holy shit Dani “Didn't think you'd love me anymore” owwww my heart

god Judy is such a good mama I love her so much. reassuring her she’s still a part of the family my god I am so emo. she loves her so much

aw I love this lil shared bathroom scene after so many awkward moments w Dani and Eddie in their bathroom and so many mentions of her fogged reflection. things are finally clear and it’s wonderful!!

lol Jamie well if u didn’t want Dani to get all horny u shouldn’t have worn suspenders!!!!! it’s simple math!

god Dani has changed so much this chapter which only takes place over a couple of weeks right?!?!? after so much anxiety and being so unsure of herself this is so fucking beautiful to see

stop the car thing oh my godddd. she doesn’t even care about having her own cause she’s so happy w the person she’s sharing with I’m so overwhelmingly happy

“You’re perfect.” please I will cry this chapter was so perfect (also so are the memes I cackled so much)

#bhah #lmao this is long as fuck #god this chapter was good I love everythng about it #we did it joe #lord what an experience

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