#she was so real for that jut also wrong because i ended up becoming an atheist therefore god cant forgive me either | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

farfromharry · 3 years

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Brightside | CEO!Dad!Tom fic

summary: a sudden and unexpected turn of events with your little boy, leaves him in the hospital with an unknown diagnosis. tom has to fly home and the two of you have to face each other, properly and civilly, for the first time since your breakup. will this negative experience turn into a positive one, in more ways than one?

word count - 10.3k

warnings - warnings - language, hospitals, needles, fainting, mentions of seizures, mentions of blood

a/n - angst for once, but obviously ending in fluff because i can’t hurt myself like that🥰 also i’m super nervous to post this so lets see how this goes :)

A loud, irritating noise filled the kitchen as your phone began to ring. You groaned, annoyed. The once calm silence was now filled with your curses of panic as you tried to wipe off your messy hands as quickly as possible. You found an unused cloth on your kitchen side and decided on just using that, wiping off the remnants of the food you’d been making. You grabbed your phone from off of the counter, pressing the green accept button, lifting the device up to your ear.

“Hello?” you asked. Having not bothered to look at the contact name, you had absolutely no idea who you were even talking to right now.

“Hi, is this Miss Y/L/N?”

You mumbled a quick ‘yes.’ You wedged the phone between your ear and your shoulder, picking up the knife you’d been using a few minutes prior to continue cutting up the vegetable in front of you.

“This is about your son, Theo,” she said, “I work in the reception at the school.” You rolled your eyes, assuming that your angel of a four year old had somehow gotten into some trouble that you were now going to have to deal with.

The lady proceeded to explain to you quite the opposite of what you’d originally thought. She’d told you how Theo had thrown up in class, prompting him to be sent to the nurse where he then fainted, almost escalating to a seizure.

“What?” you asked. Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach, a sick feeling beginning to bubble in your throat. The knife had carelessly slipped from your fingers, making a loud clattering noise as it hit the counter. You gave the woman your undivided attention, listening to every word she spoke to you. She confirmed again what you’d thought you’d heard, your heart starting to beat out of your chest.

“We’re taking him to the hospital just in case,” she said, “Can you meet us there?”

You were panicking, her words barely even registering in your head until she called your name again. You muttered a quick yes in response. Your hands were beginning to shake and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep hold of your phone.

“I’ll be right there.”

You looked around at the mess, scrolling through the contacts on your phone and calling your mother. She picked up quickly, happily greeting you on the other end of the line. You quickly explained to her the situation and asked nicely if she could clean up what you’d been doing while you’re gone.

She thankfully said yes, promising everything would be fine. You were in such a rush after that, that you didn’t take anything with you except your phone. You slipped your shoes on as quick as you could, grabbing your car keys out of the small wooden bowl on the side and rushing out of the front door.

It was a miracle that you somehow didn’t crash your car on the way to the hospital. There were tears welling up in your eyes and it was impossible to properly see clearly. Your hands were still shaking as they gripped the wheel with so much strength you were scared it could break. Your head was a mess and you could barely process which direction you were going, you knew you shouldn’t have been driving like this.

It was almost a daze when you thought about how you got from your home to the hospital, your brain couldn’t piece together being in the car.

As soon as you’d parker, you were rushing inside, probably looking insane to others as you frantically turned your head in any direction, trying to find where you could ask for help.

You were clearly distressed and people were beginning to notice, one of those people being the lady that had called you earlier.

“Miss Y/L/N.”

Your head whipped around to where the voice came from, spotting her standing a few metres away. You made your way over, seeing her motion to the room where you could see your little boy laying inside.

Your heart broke even more at the sight of him. There were wires connected to him, ones that you didn’t understand, and it scared you to the core.

You frowned, stroking your hand through his messy curls, trying to tame the wild hair as best you could. It was one of the many things he’d inherited from his dad.

“Do you have anyone else you can call?” she asked, politely, “I just don’t want to leave you here alone.”

You smiled at her in thanks, nodding your head and forcing yourself to move away from your baby boy.

“I should probably call his dad,” you stated.

You heard a quiet groan from your side, turning your body to see Theo’s eyes fluttering awake, his body shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh thank god, you’re awake,” you gushed. You kissed his head over and over, wrapping your arms around him tightly. You heard the boy whine about you almost suffocating him and letting out a relieved giggle, you loosened your grip.

You still held him to your chest, just long enough to calm your racing heart.

“I’ll leave you both,” she spoke, reminding you she was still in the room.

You nodded your head, flashing her a genuinely thankful smile.

“Thank you for helping him,” you whispered. You gave her a friendly hug, telling your son to wave goodbye before she left. You sighed deeply, taking a moment to let everything sink in to not overwhelm yourself.

You heard the four year old calling for you, prompting you to turn around to see what he needed.

“What’s wrong, pumpkin?” He jutted his bottom lip out, looked absolutely adorable as he started up at you with those soft, honey, brown eyes.

“I’m bored,” he whined. You pouted for him, eyes scanning around the small room for anything he could possibly amuse himself with.

“Do you want me to go ask for a colouring book or something?” you asked him. He rapidly nodded his head, a smile breaking out on your face for the first time within the hour, since the school had called you.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a second.”

Before you walked out of the door, you turned back to him and pointed your finger at him accusingly. “Don’t get into any trouble, mister,” you warned, a hint of playfulness in your tone. He giggled loudly, making your heart melt at the adorable sound.

“I promise.”

Being on a children's ward meant that the front desk always had things like these at hand. The ladies were more than happy to give you one of the books they had left, not having many options to choose from though.

They handed you some crayons and other colouring items. You thanked them profusely, knowing that you now wouldn’t have to deal with a cranky little Holland boy, because you knew how they could get.

You made your way back to the room quickly, having your doubts about leaving the toddler alone in an unknown place for any longer than necessary.

“Here you go, little man.”

You handed him the book with the wide variety of colouring items. You had to explain to him that the only books they had left were animals and flowers and you thought the animal ones looked much more fun.

“I’m expecting to see a rainbow frog,” you told him. He giggled, shaking his head.

“You can’t have a rainbow frog, mummy.” You gasped, furrowing your eyebrows teasingly.

“Why not, mister?” you asked. You saw him huff, trying to hide your giggle.

“They’re not real,” he said, like it was just so obvious.

This time you couldn’t hide your giggle as you watched his tiny brows furrow in annoyance at you. You leaned forward and placed a kiss to the tiny crease in the middle of his eyebrows. Once again something he got from his dad when he pulled the same face.

“I was just teasing bub.” He rolled his eyes at you, making you gasp and poke his belly teasingly. He giggled loudly, the noise echoing around the room as he tried to get you to stop tickling him.

You had considerably calmed down from when you arrived at the hospital to now, feeling your heart beating at a much slower pace, one that was at least calm.

“Will you colour with me?” he asked.

Originally, you were going to take this time to call Tom, but seeing the boy’s puppy dog eyes, you absolutely couldn’t resist.

You stayed and coloured in the animals with him for a while, just enjoying bonding with your bub.

You’d help him stay in the lines of the drawing, helping him out where he needed helping, while also working on your own animal, surprisingly enjoying yourself.

Noticing the time on the clock, you made the decision that you had to call Tom, it had already been long enough, it couldn’t wait any longer.

“I’m just going to go call daddy, okay?” He nodded his head, content with going back to his colouring book. You sighed, leaving the room and finding a quiet space in the corridor.

You pulled up Tom’s contact on your phone, one you’d contemplated deleting probably a hundred times, hovering over the call button hesitantly.

As soon as it started ringing your heart ached, you weren’t even sure if he’d pick up, possibly too busy with work once again.

You gasped when you heard the phone connect, almost shocked that he’d take the time to answer you.

“Hi, Tom, um-“ He cut you off before you could even finish, something that irritated you beyond belief.

“Look Y/N, now’s really not a good time, can this wait?” he asked, telling someone on the other side of the phone that he’d be two minutes.

“Tom, I had to take Theo to the hospital,” you cried, finally letting out the sob you’d been holding in all day. You didn’t mean to cry or guilt him, it was just bad timing. You’d been trying to be strong for your little boy, knowing he was already scared out of his mind, he didn’t need to know his mum was scared too.

“Woah, hey, calm down, breathe Y/N.” You listened to his smooth voice, taking deep breaths until you were able to talk again.

“What do you mean you had to take him to the hospital,” he said, “What happened?”

A sense of overwhelming panic beginning to overtake his entire body. He was across the ocean, there was nothing he could do.

You explained everything that had happened up until now, Tom listening intently to every word.

“Shit, do they know what’s wrong?” he asked, nervously. You could hear the worry in his voice.

“No, we’re waiting for them to come and do some tests,” you said, glancing back at your boy through the window in his room. Just to check that he was okay.

“Is he okay right now?” he questioned. His brain was a mess, there were so many possibilities of things that could be wrong running through his head and he hoped to God that none of them were true.

“Yeah, I think so, he’s just colouring at the minute.”

Tom sighed. “Okay, well um-“ He tried to organize his thoughts, listening to you telling him to take a minute. “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he said. You suddenly felt awful, knowing he was halfway across the world. The last thing you wanted was to guilt trip him into dropping everything, especially if he didn’t want to. Your tears had come to a stand still, trying to explain to him that it was okay and you had this under control.

“You don’t have to, I know you’re busy and-“ He cut you off again.

“Nothing’s more important to me than him, I’ll be there, I promise.”

After going through the later years of your relationship, you knew not to trust Tom’s promises, and you also knew how stubborn he was. His promises were often broken and just ended up hurting people in the end, and you didn’t want that to be you all over again.

“Y/N, did you hear me?” he asked, after not receiving a response from you.

“Yeah, I heard you, I’ll see you soon,” you said. You said your goodbyes, hanging up the phone and heading back inside the hospital room to see your boy.

“Change of plans, cancel the meeting,” Tom demanded, taking his coat from behind his chair and throwing it on his body in a haste. The women and men sitting around the table stared at him in shock, gasping at how unprofessional the CEO seemed to be.

“Mr Holland, this meeting is important, we can’t just cancel,” she tried to reason. He waved her off, shaking his head and dialling another number on his phone, the one of his personal assistant.

“Harrison, hi, I need you to book me on the next flight to London, asap.”

She apologised to them on his behalf, but the woman refused to give up, following Tom out of the meeting room and all the way to the set of lifts at the end of the floor. Tom was rapidly pressing the button to call the lift, hoping it could come quicker than it was. He hung up the phone with Harrison after confirming all the details of the flight.

“London?” she gasped, “You can’t go to London, we’re in the middle of one of the biggest deals of your career Tom.”

Tom rolled his eyes, almost up to his limits with everything. He didn’t know what was going to cause him to break down first, the woman or the fact that the lift still wasn’t here. He knew it was silly to get so worked up over something so small, but his concern for his child was above anything else.

“I don’t care about the deal, Y/N just called, Theo’s in the hospital,” he said. She frowned, an apology already on the tip of her tongue. “I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“What do you want me to do?” she asked, referencing the meeting with the big investors that was due to happen any moment.

“Whatever you think is best, but please don’t tell them about Theo, I don’t want this getting out.” She nodded, heading back towards the office to explain what was happening with the meeting, unfortunately having to come up with something on the spot.

While Tom was being driven to the airport, you were trying to convince Theo to get in bed and go to sleep. It was late for him, almost eleven, and he’d had a very long day.

“Please, it’s already past your normal bedtime.” He pouted, making grabby hands at you.

“But this bed isn’t comfy and-“ You rolled your eyes, gently squeezing his cheeks together to get him to stop making excuses.

“Do you want me to sleep with you?” you asked, seeing him nod his head. You smiled softly, climbing under the covers and seeing what he meant when he said it was uncomfortable. You let him curl into you, resting his small head on your chest, his arms clinging to you.

“Mummy?” he whispered. You hummed, running your fingers through his curly hair, something that you usually did when he was scared, because it always calmed him down. He shifted in your arms, pushing himself up on the small bed so that he could lay his head next to yours on the soft pillow.

“Do you still love daddy?” he asked, looking up at you with his big brown eyes that perfectly resembled Toms. Your heart ached. In all honesty, you didn’t know what to say to the boy, because you didn’t know yourself. You thought it over in your head quietly.

On the one hand you hated how obsessed and committed he was to his work, but on the other, he was an amazing dad to Theo, and he always treated you like a princess. Your eyes flickered over your baby’s face, admiring all the parts of his features that he got from his daddy.

You realised in that moment, looking at those tiny features, the ones that resembled the ones you studied for hours on end once upon a time, you truly did hold a soft spot for Tom, even now. You sighed, stroking your boy’s cheek, ready to give him his answer.

“Of course I do.” you admitted. You saw the corner of his lips twitch up as he tried to bite back a smile.

“Then why don’t you live together,” he asked, “Everyone else at school’s parents live together.” You frowned, not having the heart to tell him about your break up properly, even after all this time. You simply pulled him closer to you, wrapping your arms around his tiny body and kissing the top of his head.

“We needed some time apart, to focus on what needed our attention,” you said, “We couldn’t do everything at once.”

You saw him staring up at you with his wide eyes, your heart pounding in your chest even thinking about what happened with Tom. You weren’t quite sure Theo understood what you meant, because he still looked a little confused.

“So, your daddy had to focus on his company, making sure everything was going well and I had to focus on my little rugrat,” you said, poking his belly to tickle him. He giggled, trying to squirm away from your hands.

“Is it like-like in Captain America, when Steve has to leave Peggy to save the world.” You raised your eyebrows, thinking it over. You were a little bit shocked by his surprisingly good analogy.

“And then Peggy has to focus on Shield,” you added, “It’s exactly like that Theo.” He nodded his head, understanding where you were coming from.

You saw his big eyes begin to blink more, but also slower, a tell-tale sign that he was going to knock out any minute.

“Mummy?” he asked again. You smiled.

“Yes Theo?” you said, brushing his overgrown curls out of the way of his eyes.

“Are you more like Steve or Peggy?” he asked. You giggled, amused by the idea of him relating yours and Tom’s relationship to a fictional, superhero one.

“Well you see, I’m more like Steve, because I had to sacrifice everything for my world, just like he did.” You kissed his head when you said ‘my world,’ clearly referring to your boy.

“Wow,” he mumbled, letting his eyes finally flutter shut. “My mummy’s a superhero.”

Your eyes began to water happily, cradling his head to your chest as he finally fell asleep. You took deep breaths, trying to bite back the heart wrenching cry that was threatening to come out.

After a while of laying in the silence of the hospital room, you gave in and closed your eyes, letting your son’s rhythmic breaths ease you to sleep.

You were completely unaware that Tom had gotten the first flight out to London after he ended your phone call. You assumed he would have arrived in a few days time, at least, probably having left over business to finish up first.

[His heart] was racing the entire journey, feeling utterly useless from halfway across the world and he couldn’t stand it.

Harrison had tried to calm him down as he helped him pack for his flight on the private jet, telling him he needed to be positive about this. Tom had snapped at him, asking him how that was even possible while he wasn’t with his own child.

Tom felt bad but Harrison made it clear that he didn’t take it to heart, knowing he was stressed and there was nothing he could really do to help.

He offered to go with his boss, thinking it’d be better if he wasn’t doing this all alone, but Tom refused with minimal explanation. He knew you wouldn’t want a stranger lingering around the hospital room if anything went badly.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Tom?” he asked, standing on the runway at the entrance to the private jet, ready to go with him to England if he just so much as asked.

“I’m okay, really,” he promised, ascending the steps of the plane with his luggage.

The plane ride was gruelling. Tom didn’t know what to expect when he arrived, and he certainly didn’t know how it was going to go between the two of you while he was there. The flight was long and he tried to get as much sleep as he could, barely managing a couple hours with the worry bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

Everything seemed to be going so slowly, right from landing to getting through the airport.

It felt like he was waiting for a taxi for days, tapping his thumb on his arm anxiously, his eyes focused solely on the ground, trying to control the thoughts in his head.

The ride from the airport to the children’s hospital was agony for the young father. Tom’s leg was bouncing nervously, his hands shaking and his eyes glancing down at his watch or his phone every few seconds. He hadn’t gotten any updates from you recently, assuming you’d fallen asleep because of the time.

He knew that with it being this late he’d have to see you and Theo tomorrow morning. Before he left he didn’t really consider the time difference.

When the taxi stopped he was quick to toss the man the right amount of money, practically sprinting out of the car to grab his luggage.

It was as if he ran into the hospital, looking around frantically in search of the reception area, just like you had done hours prior. When he spotted it, it was like his feet were working before his brain. They led him to the woman before he even had time to process that he was moving.

“Hi, I’m here for Theodore Holland,” he announced. The woman at the front desk clearly didn’t notice the sense of urgency in Tom’s voice.

“Sir, I’m sorry, visiting hours are over,” she said, “They start again tomorrow at nine,” she explained calmly. Tom shook his head, running his hands through his hair for the hundredth time today. He was sure that by now it looked a complete mess, a contrast from his normally styled and gelled hair.

“I can’t wait, I have to see him,” he whined pitifully, “Please,” he begged.

She took pity on the young man, nodding her head and waving the rules in his time of need.

“And who are you?” she asked, typing the little boy’s name into the computer to search for his files, so slowly, like they had all the time in the world.

“I’m his dad,” he stated, looking around the hospital ward in a panic. She nodded, looking at the details for Theo on her computer.

“Can you just confirm his birthday?” she asked. Tom recited the little boy’s birthday to her with ease, the six digits being the password to his phone for the last four years and the day also being the best moment of his life.

“Alright, Mr Holland, you want to go right down that hall, turn left and then it’s the first door on your right, room 106,” she instructed. Tom thanked her, taking long, quick strides down the hallway, carrying his bag with his belongings in his hand.

After finding the plaque with the correct door number, he noticed the lights were off. He carefully opened the door and creeped in, closing it quietly behind him, to not disturb either of you. He noticed two figures on the bed instead of one, his heart melting at the sight of your four year old curled up into your chest like an infant again.

He let out a quiet sigh, placing his bag on the floor, taking a seat next to Theo’s side of the bed. He could now clearly see your face as you slept, still as beautiful as he remembered.

Yours and Tom’s breakup was messy. Breakups always are when there’s a child involved.

You simply hated how much Tom was working, barely ever home to see you both, leaving, what felt like, all the responsibility to you. You were both still young, only twenty-two at the time and you were struggling. One more missed dinner and crying baby finally tipped you over the edge, to where you couldn’t take it anymore.

When Tom finally came home that night you confronted him about it all. You didn’t mean to start a fight but that was evidently what happened anyway. You thought it could’ve been a civilised discussion that would be solved within the hour.

Tom left the house that night to go and stay with his brothers, hoping he could give you time to cool off and then everything would be back to normal when he next saw you.

However, what he didn’t expect, was for you to tell him you were really done, just like you’d said in the argument. He seemingly couldn’t choose between his job and his girlfriend and child, so, you chose for him.

He didn’t mean for it to happen. He didn’t realise how much he was focused on work instead of the people that mattered to him, and he pretty much lost everything within a night.

The next week, Tom was off doing more and more business deals to distract himself from his loss, his family claiming he was overworking himself. He never listened to them though, and that’s how he ended up in the states, far away from you and far away from his son.

From next to the bed Tom saw his baby begin to stir, shuffling over closer to his side of the bed and smiling down at the beautiful boy.

“Daddy?” he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his tiny fists.

“Hi precious.” Tom stroked his cheek softly. This was the first time he’d been able to see his son in months, and he’d almost forgotten how amazing it was to see him in person. Yes, he’d seen him on facetime frequently, but there was something much more heart-warming about seeing him in the flesh and being able to hold him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked rather loudly, Tom shushing him and pointing to you.

“We don’t want to wake mummy,” he said, seeing Theo nod his head. He extended his arms out for his dad, wanting him to pick him up. Tom carefully scooped him out of bed, trying his hardest not to wake you from your peaceful sleep.

Theo wrapped his arms around his dad’s neck in one of his hugs, giving Tom a chance to look over his shoulder and finally admire your sleeping figure. Just you this time, no toddler cuddled up to you obscuring part of his view.

He admired all the things he used to- well, still does love about you. The way your eyelashes rested just above your cheeks, the way your lips parted just making him want to constantly kiss you. The way the sun shining through the window perfectly illuminated your face, making you look like a perfect angel. He took a few steps closer, just enough to brush some hair out of your face that looked like it was bothering you. Even the simple touch had you nuzzling your cheek, subconsciously, into the warmth of his hand, having missed his touch, even if you’d refuse to admit it when you were awake.

“Daddy?” Theo whispered, taking his note of trying not to wake you up.

“What’s up, bug?” he asked, turning his head to look at him. He always felt it was like looking into a time machine. You were convinced right from the day he was born that he didn’t get any of your features, looking like a clone of Tom when he was a toddler. But Tom was always adamant that Theo got your personality and mannerisms.

“I’m hungry,” he pouted, resting his tired head on his shoulder.

“Let’s go find you something to eat,” he said, following the hospital signs that pointed in the direction of the café.

Tom, stupidly, didn’t think to leave you a note to tell you that he’d arrived, or that he’d just taken Theo for food.

You didn’t really remember falling asleep in the uncomfortable hospital bed, nor did you remember Tom pulling a blanket over you and Theo in the middle of the night, or Tom even arriving for that matter.

You opened your eyes, groaning quietly as you were pulled out of your sleep. You turned your head to see if your son was awake, which you had no doubts he would be, but you frowned when you noticed he was no longer even in the bed, the sheets now cold on his side.

You sat up, looking around the room to find you were completely alone, except there was now an unfamiliar bag sitting next to the door. Your motherly instincts kicked in and you began to panic not knowing the whereabouts of your baby.

You were about to call for a nurse, asking if she’d seen him when Tom walked through the door with your son perched on his hip, laughing loudly as he nibbled on a sandwich.

“Oh thank god,” you said, taking Theo from Tom’s arms into your own. You kissed his head, running your hands over his hair.

“I didn’t know where you were,” you whined, glancing up at Tom. Theo nuzzled closer to you, his silent way of telling you he was here.

“That was my fault, sorry, he was hungry so I-“ This time you were the one to cut Tom off before he could finish his sentence.

“It’s okay, just scared me s’all.” Theo tucked his head into your neck, his small hand still clinging on to his food. After a few minutes, your heart had calmed down, reminding you that he still hadn’t eaten.

“Okay, go and eat buddy.” You let him down, watching him scurry off back to his bed where he had a little table he could eat on. You watched him for a couple seconds, making sure he was okay before turning back around to face Tom.

“Hi.” He said, staring right at you, that oh so familiar face looking as perfect and handsome as he had the first time you met.

“Hi Tom,” you said back. There was a painfully awkward tension between you both, one that could’ve been cut with a knife. Neither of you really knew what to speak about, both of you trying to start a conversation at exactly the same time, something that only made it even more awkward.

“You go first,” he said, trying to be polite.

“When did you get here?” you asked. You noticed the bags under his eyes, feeling yourself start to worry about him, but part of you told you to stop.

“Just after four, they almost didn’t let me in,” he explained. You nodded your head, nervously fiddling with a loose thread on your shirt.

“Well, he seems pretty glad that you’re here Tom,” you said, flashing him a nervous smile.

“H-how do you feel?” he asked, “About me being here?” It was silent for a few minutes. Tom was nervous, immediately regretting even asking as soon as the question came out of his mouth.

“I’m happy you’re here too.” His eyes widened in shock, taken aback by that answer. He smiled, his heart beginning to beat slightly faster.

Neither of you said anything more as you entered Theo's room, choosing to make small conversation with the boy about anything and everything, rather than with each other.

At some point in the afternoon Theo had grown sleepy, crawling under the blanket to take a nap. It was now just you and Tom sitting in yet another awkward silence. You were sitting in the chair next to his bed, making sure you were there if he needed you for anything. Tom was sitting across from you in another chair, watching you interact with your son. He noticed you visibly shiver in your thin, short sleeved shirt, rubbing your arms to try and warm yourself up.

“Are you cold?” Tom asked, almost rhetorically as he pulled off his own jacket and wrapped the material around your shivering frame.

“Thank you, I-I was in such a rush when I left, that I guess I forgot.” He nodded, flashing you a tight lipped, awkward smile. The tension in the air was uncomfortable, neither of you really daring to speak up.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he said, his eyes filled with regret. You tried to tell him it was fine, but you could feel your emotions rising in your throat, making it harder to keep them down.

He could see you breaking down inside just through your eyes, and he didn’t know how long you’d been holding this in. You took a glance at Theo to make sure he was asleep before looking back to your ex-lover.

“Fuck Tom, I was a mess, I-I had to call my mum and ask her to sort the house for me,” you cried, burying your head in your hands. His heart broke, a mental debate going on in his head about whether he should go over there to comfort you or stay sitting in his chair across from you.

He definitely didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with his presence but he also hated seeing you cry like this.

He eventually decided to help, coming over and wrapping his arms around you timidly. He was shocked when you curled into his chest, tightening his hold on you and running his hand over your hair. To make it easier for you both, you switched places. Tom letting you curl up into his lap on the chair.

“Shh, it’s okay, he’s okay,” he said. He didn’t know if he was convincing you or himself though. His voice was calming to you, somehow bringing your tears to a slow stop as he whispered sweet words to you. Just being like this with him reminded you of all the times you’d spent together dating, normally in more positive circumstances than this.

“Why don’t I call my mum or someone, have her come here and watch him, and I’ll take you home for a little bit.” You nodded your head gratefully, tucking your face into his neck as he pulled out his phone.

The phone call between Nikki and her son was rather quick, the woman agreeing to come and watch Theo with no hesitation, especially after Tom had explained the whole hospital situation that only made you tear up again.

“Thank you,” you whimpered quietly. He nodded his head, kissing your temple lightly.

“Of course.”

You were still sitting in his lap with Tom rubbing his hand up and down your back when Nikki walked in, not even half an hour later.

“Hello,” she greeted, trying to hide her grin at the scene in front of her. If you weren’t going to fall back in love like she’d hoped, at least you were on talking terms.

“Thank you for doing this,” you said, getting up to wrap her in a tight hug. She told you that it was no problem, ushering you both out, making a playful comment that you smelled bad. You scoffed, feigning offense, even if you knew she was partially right.

Tom drove you home in your car, back to the home the two of you once shared together. It was silent on the way there, not even the radio turned on for just some form of noise. It was quite emotional for Tom walking back inside the house, looking around and seeing everything was pretty much identical to how it was when he left. His mind replaying all the memories you both shared in different places all over the house.

“Do you want anything?” you asked. He simply asked for a glass of water and you nodded, heading over to the kitchen. It made you frown slightly, remembering what had happened here only the day before. You quickly filled up the glass and then headed back to where Tom was standing, admiring the living room with a tiny grin.

“Why are you smiling?” you asked. He turned his head in your direction, not even realising he had been smiling, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

“I don’t really know, i-it just hasn’t changed,” he said. You could still see traces of a grin as you handed him a glass of water, telling him you were going to take a quick shower.

“Make yourself comfortable,” you said, heading up the stairs to finally have a moment to yourself for the first time in two days.

You didn’t take very long. Taking a quick shower like you said and then drying your hair so you didn’t catch a cold in the winter weather. You got Theo’s stuffed bear that he sleeps with, his blanket and then some new pyjamas for him and you were ready to head back.

“Got everything?” he asked. You nodded, handing him the bear and taking the car keys from him.

“I want to drive,” you stated. You didn’t really know why, but a part of you just wanted to. Tom didn’t argue with you, following you out to the car and climbing into the passenger side.

There was a brief conversation this time around, however still not much, the silence filled with more awkward tension.

“Is this the bear I got him when he was born?” he asked, playing with the small piece of ribbon that was tied around its neck.

“Yeah, he loves it,” you told him. You noticed him wipe away a stray tear that ran down his cheek, making your heart pang in your chest. You reached over the console of the car with your hand, lacing your fingers with his while keeping your eyes on the road. His eyes widened and he stared at you, heart filled with hope, your eyes never glancing over in his direction.

It felt like Deja-vu arriving back at the hospital, except this time you knew where you were going. You entered the room to Nikki sitting quietly beside your still sleeping son, a smile spreading across her face, the woman noting how much better you looked already.

“I should start heading home.” She gave you another tight hug, Tom offering to walk her out because of the now darkened night sky. You bid her a simple goodbye, waiting until they were out of your sight to head over to your boy.

So while Tom went to take his mum to her car, you planned on giving Theo his bear, gently cooing to wake him up.

“Mummy?” he asked groggily. You smiled, handing him his bear and kissing his head.

“You can go back to sleep now, bub.” He hummed, nuzzling his head into the soft fur of the stuffed animal. You also placed the soft blanket over top of him, knowing the thin hospital sheet did little to keep him warm.

“Thank you.” He whispered, adding a quiet goodnight that made your heart swell.

“Goodnight sweetheart.”

<<<>>>

The next morning, you were informed by his nurse that Theo needed blood tests and some other evaluations to check everything was okay. You knew it was going to be a long day for the four year old so you tried your best to plan out in your head where he could take quick naps in between his check-ups to keep him energized enough.

He didn’t seem fazed by the information when you told him, having no negative experience to relate to having any kind of needle; at least not that he can remember.

Unfortunately for him though, the blood tests were first, meaning he was going to have to deal with a sore arm all day.

The three of you were guided by a nurse to a small office, one with all different kinds of confusing machines that you didn’t know about.

You helped Theo up onto the examination table, still standing close by.

“Mummy?” he asked, his big brown eyes staring up at you nervously.

“Yeah, bub?” you asked, kneeling down so you were just a bit lower than him sitting on the table.

“Can I sit in your lap?” he asked, nervously fidgeting with his hands..

After checking with the nurse, you nodded your head. “Of course you can, come here.” You helped him climb into your lap, sitting with his back against your chest and your arms around his stomach. Tom stayed near the door, ready to leave if it got too much for him; he never was very good with needles, or seeing Theo cry.

The woman explained to Theo that she was just taking blood for them to examine and find out what was wrong. He nodded his head enthusiastically, ready to let her do what she needed.

She prepared what she needed while Tom nervously bit at his nails, seeing the reassuring smile you sent his way.

“This is going to hurt a little bit buddy,” she said, finally pressing the needle to the vein in his skin. Tom winced even before Theo did. The boy clearly hated the feeling, beginning to cry softly from the pain of the syringe in his arm.

You saw Tom struggling in the corner, tears welling up in his own eyes as he watched his son squirm in pain.

“You’re okay, bub,” you whispered reassuringly, kissing his head and his cheek, trying to calm him down enough for the woman to take the blood safely. When she’d gotten what she needed she took the needle out, cleaning up his skin and letting him choose a themed plaster.

“Which one would you like?” she asked, showing him his options. His eyes widened and any trace of sadness was gone, pointing straight to the blue and red masked figure.

“Can I have a Spiderman one, please?” he asked. You giggled, seeing her nod her head. She gently flattened it over his skin, making sure it was properly stuck down.

“You can go back to your room, we’ll run some tests and then we’ll be with you as soon as we can.” She informed you both. You nodded your head, helping him off your lap and letting him take Tom’s still sweaty hand.

“Hey, Theo,” you cooed, bending down to his height. He looked at you with a small smile, letting you wipe the drying tears from his face. “That wasn’t so bad was it?” you asked. He shook his head, showing you his plaster again.

“ ‘Cause I’m a big boy, mummy.” You smiled, nodding your head.

“And, you’re just as strong as Spider-Man,”

you whispered.

“And Hulk?” he asked in a tiny voice.

“Even stronger than Hulk,” you confirmed. He giggled, letting go of his dad’s hand to wrap his arms around your neck, being careful of his sore one. You rubbed his back, continuing to praise him for how good he was. You didn’t notice how Tom was staring at you with complete adoration. His heart was melting seeing you interact with your son like this, having gone without witnessing it in person for a while.

He ran back to Tom, gripping his hand and showing off his Spider-Man band aid to his dad proudly. You smiled, shaking your head, following behind them as they walked back to his room.

He was already used to the routine by now, running to his bed when you all entered the room.

“Okay bud, we’ve got a couple hours until they do some more testing, d ’you wanna take a nap or watch a film with me and daddy?” He sat quietly as he thought about it, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration so he could make the right choice.

“Can we watch Iron man?” he asked. You nodded your head, knowing that was one of Tom’s favourites as well and he’d be more than happy to agree. He jumped down, clinging to you while Tom set up the film on his computer.

You grabbed the fluffy blanket you’d brought the day prior, throwing it over your laps to help you get comfortable enough to watch the two hour film. He cheered quietly when it started, being scooped up into Tom’s lap so the two could quietly talk about it, something that had always annoyed you.

You knew it was going to happen, barely even halfway through the movie Theo had started to fall asleep in Tom’s lap, his head resting on his chest. His head kept falling, making him snap his eyes awake and pretend as if he was still watching the film playing on the laptop.

You giggled, trying to tame his messy hair with your fingers.

Tom eventually placed his large hand on Theo’s head, basically smushing his cheek against his chest, softly stroking his bedhead, helping to keep him in place so he could fall asleep. His other arm was around his back, making sure he didn’t fall backwards off his leg.

“He’s missed you.” you said after a while, catching Tom’s attention, forcing him to move his eyes off his sleeping son to look at you. He smiled, kissing the top of his head.

“I missed him too,” he admitted. You and Tom watched as much as you could of the film, checking the time every so often.

Fifteen minutes before his next set of tests were due to start, Tom gently cooed the boy awake, with soft whispers and kisses to his head. He whined, trying to hide his face and fall back to sleep.

“No, no, you’ve got to wake up bub,” he said. Theo begrudgingly opened his eyes, lifting his hand to rub the sleep from them and look at his surroundings.

“ ‘m tired.” You pouted at him, leaning forward to try and tame his messy curls.

“I know, but you can take another nap later.”

The rest of the day dragged on for the boy. He was practically a zombie by the time he was finally able to go to bed, even with the frequent naps.

You had once again taken the seat beside his bed, running your fingers through his messy hair to try and soothe him to sleep quicker.

He was out like a light in minutes, cuddling even deeper into the pillow.

You let out a sigh, slowly moving away from him to lean back in the chair, realising just how uncomfortable you were. Your constant shifting caught Tom’s attention, his gaze burning holes through you, making your face flush.

You noticed Tom trying to keep his eyes open, looking like a little puppy every time he’d slowly shake his head, trying to shake away the impending sleep.

“Hey.” you whispered, catching his attention, again. “Why don’t you get some sleep?”

He shook his head, assuring you he was fine. You rolled your eyes at his blatant stubbornness, remembering this is how he’d always been.

“Why are you so stubborn?” you asked, not meaning for it to come out of your mouth sounding so vicious.

“I wanna stay and talk to you.” You were convinced your heart had stopped beating. You cocked your head in confusion.

“You do?” you asked. He nodded his head, a small smile on his lips as he watched you get over the initial shock you were in.

“Well, what do you want to talk about?” His smile faded, worry forming in the pit of your stomach.

“C-can we talk about us?” he asked, his voice sounding just as unconvincing as his body language looked. You took pity on him, slipping your hand into his, the one that was resting in his lap.

“I guess, but what is there to talk about?” Tom seemed defeated already by your unenthusiastic answer, it sounded to him like you didn’t want this, but after seeing you again yesterday, he was determined to win you back.

“I never really apologized for everything I did,” he said. “I was a dick, and then I just left you both.” You’d spent months hating Tom for him just leaving you with a toddler, but looking at his face now, you could tell he felt awful.

“I want to do better, be a better dad-“ You cut him off, shaking your head.

“You’re an amazing dad.” You saw the hint of a smile when your words registered in his head.

“I want to be better to you, Y/N.” You froze, staring into those brown eyes, trying to see if he meant it. “I’m so, so, sorry, for everything I did,” he whispered.

Over the course of his apology he had managed to shuffle closer to you. Your knees now touched, preventing him from coming any further forward.

“Do you ever think you could give me another chance?” he asked, almost scared to know the answer. You took a deep breath, squeezing his hand.

“Only if you can promise me one thing.” You explained. Tom’s eyes widened, his heart beginning to race.

“Anything,” he mumbled, fully prepared to dedicate himself to you and your child.

“Please come home.” It wasn’t a difficult decision for time this time around like it was the first time. As soon as he saw your puppy dog eyes, he was sold. He rapidly nodded his head, making a mental note to deal with work later.

He reached his hand up, cupping your cheek, seeing you nuzzle your face closer to his touch. You placed your own hand on top of his, turning your head to place a quick kiss on his palm.

“I know i fucked up, big time,” he reiterated, emphasising the big time and pausing for a minute, rubbing his free hand over his mouth. You watched him intently, the thing that was probably making him most nervous.

“But, do you think we could try again?” Your silence scared him. He didn’t know if he’d ever been this worried to hear an answer from someone.

“Yeah, I think we could give it a go.” Tom grinned, his cheeks flushing a light pink shade. He couldn’t wait a second longer, leaning in to press his lips onto yours. The kiss was perfect. Slow, passionate, everything you’d missed since you’d broken up. “But you’re going to have to prove you’re sorry,” you said.

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” he promised. “I’m really glad to have you back,” he whispered, his forehead leaning on yours and his hand massaging the back of your head. Part of you was screaming that you shouldn’t have taken him back that quickly, but the other part of you had been waiting for him for two years, and you were so happy to have him back.

“Me too.” The moment wasn’t very long lived

after you heard the blankets on the hospital bed rustle, turning your head to see Theo pushing himself into a sitting position. “I think someone else will be too.”

The little boy stared at you both in confusion, not understanding what you were referring to, or why you were suddenly so close again.

“C’mere buddy,” Tom said, motioning for Theo to climb into his arms. The boy climbed down from the bed with minimal struggle, running towards Tom and colliding with him with a loud giggle. Tom made a grunting noise, whining about how strong Theo was and how that hurt.

The boy just laughed at his dad, telling him to stop being silly.

“Do you want to tell him?” Tom asked. You shook your head, flashing him a smile.

“You got this,” you said. Theo looked between you both confused, having no idea what you were talking about, but the nosey part of him really wanted to know. Tom grabbed the boy’s full attention.

“So, daddy’s going to be coming home, is that okay with you?” His eyes widened, his head whipping in your direction, silently asking if it was true. You nodded, your heart melting as tears welled up in his brown eyes.

“Hey, don’t cry,” Tom cooed, rubbing his back as he buried his head in his dad’s chest. He glanced at you, unsure what to do in this situation.

“He’s just happy.” Theo nodded, agreeing with what you said.

“Things are finally going to go back to normal.” You chose not to mention anything about a possible diagnosis with Theo, something that would be far from normal, instead just choosing to soak up the moment, rather than burst your bubble and ruin it.

“Thank you,” you whispered, watching as Tom’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“For what?” You smiled, kissing his cheek and leaning your head on his shoulder.

“For coming home.” He chuckled, kissing his son’s head and then yours.

“You two are my home, no matter where I am.”

<<<>>>

The morning that the doctors announced they had Theo’s results were nerve wracking to say the least. You were panicking almost all day, knee bouncing, driving Tom insane, your hands shaking out of fear. Tom tried to calm you down to the best of his ability, telling you to take deep breaths, holding you or just your hands and constantly trying to reassure you that you needed to be positive. If not for your own sake, at least for Theo’s.

The boy himself had no idea what was happening, he was just happy to be in his mother’s arms more than he usually was, purely because you refused to let go of him.

“Y/N, you have to put him down,” Tom said, trying to pry the boy from your arms. You pouted, scowling at Tom as he took Theo away from you.

“I’m only taking him to the bathroom, we’ll be right back,” he promised, softly kissing your lips before taking him out of the room. You sat down on the hospital bed with a sigh, picking up his teddy and beginning to fiddle with the ribbon tied into a bow around its neck.

You were too in your own head, thinking, to notice Tom come back. You jumped when his hands slid onto your shoulders, turning your head to see his sympathetic expression.

“I know this is hard, but please, just for him,” you nodded, trying your best to put on a brave face for him.

You spent the next few hours watching one of Theo’s favourite cartoons, one you’d seen a million times before, the time seeming to pass by ridiculously slowly for you. Tom was laughing along to the children’s show, making you roll your eyes and cuddle closer to him. It wasn’t until halfway through, possibly the thousandth episode, that the nurse finally entered the room, saving you the torture of having to watch another episode of the cartoon again.

“We’re ready for you,” she smiled. Tom instructed you to take a few deep breaths.

They led the three of you to an office to discuss, letting you take a seat and having Theo sitting comfortably in his dad’s lap.

It felt like you were in there for hours. You knew you should’ve been listening to what they were saying but you couldn’t concentrate at all.

You were pretty sure the woman had started by explaining the reason Theo had fainted and reacted like he did a few days prior. Everything was falling on deaf ears to you, just sounding like muffled noise coming from another room.

Tom was nodding along with what she was saying, asking the occasional question that let you know that at least he was listening. Your four year old was playing with the loose strings of Tom’s hoodie, wrapping them around his fingers and trying to make them curl. It was unfortunately the only thing he had to amuse him right now. Tom hadn’t noticed you weren’t listening, or that your eyes were focusing on your baby boy.

Theo noticed though, turning to you and flashing you a gappy smile that in return made you smile.

It felt like your heart was pounding but simultaneously wasn’t even beating, in this moment you were too scared to.

They’d obviously brought up something about the test results, Tom suddenly reaching over to take a hold of your hand, kissing the top of Theo’s head for comfort.

Tom’s sweaty hand was gripping yours like a vice, you were glad that he was here and he’d flown in, because if it was bad news, you don’t think you could do it alone.

Your mind went blank, not registering any medical words she said until you recognised the two words that made your heart begin to beat again.

“He’s okay.”

You let out a breath of relief, turning to Tom with a grin. He wrapped his arms around you, giving you a quick hug before showering the little boy in kisses.

You carefully lifted him from Tom’s lap, taking him in your arms to give him the tightest hug you could muster. The doctor explained that you were then free to go, letting you go back to collect your baby's stuff and tell him the good news.

“I hope we never have to do this again,” you mumbled, laying your head on Tom’s chest. His hand came up to run over the back of your head, placing a gentle kiss on your crown.

“Me too, but look on the Brightside,” he said, a smile tugging at his lips, “We got our family back.”

You smiled softly, nodding your head against his chest. “Yeah, I guess we did.” You and Tom both turned your heads to look at your energetic baby boy, happy to finally be allowed to take him home again.

“Are you ready to go home, bub?” you asked. You saw his eyes light up, his head nodding rapidly as he clutched your hand. He grabbed his teddy bear, leaving you and Tom grabbed the rest of his stuff.

The three of you left the hospital for what was hopefully the last time. Theo practically skipped to the car, telling you both how excited he was to sleep in his own bed again. Your heart was warm as you looked at your little family, completely over the moon to have them back.

The first thing Theo did when he got home was rush upstairs to his room, telling you he was going to take a nap in his own bed. You shook your head with a smile, feeling Tom’s arms wrap around you. He guided you to the couch, throwing his arm around your shoulders. He started to look around again like he had the other day, taking it all in.

“It feels really good to be home.” You grinned at him, practically attacking him with a sweet kiss. He laughed, letting you pin him down on the couch playfully. “I still can’t believe I gave this up, he said, pushing a few strands of loose hair behind your ears.

“Don’t think about it now, okay?” He nodded, straining his neck to kiss you again.

“Mummy, daddy?” Your head perked up at the sound of the little voice, turning your head to see him coming down the stairs. You climbed off of Tom, giving him the opportunity to sit up.

“I thought you were taking a nap bub?” He pouted, clutching his bear to his chest.

“Will you come with me, just until I fall asleep?” You nodded your head, not giving Tom a chance to answer before you were tugging him with you. Tom scooped him up, carrying the tired baby in his arms.

“Why don’t we get in Mummy and Daddy’s bed,” you said. Tom tried to conceal his smile at what you’d called it, happy you were so ready for things to go back to how they were.

Theo climbed in your bed first, laying right in the middle with a sleepy grin. You got in after, watching Tom stop to take in how much the room had changed.

“I pretty much got rid of everything that reminded me of you,” you explained. He frowned, nodding his head and climbing under the covers of the bed. “ ‘m sorry,” you said.

He shook his head, grabbed your hand to press a soft kiss to your knuckles.

“I deserved it,” you giggled, nodding your head. Your eyes were locked on each other.

“You kind of did.” Theo made a sound of disapproval between you both, trying to get you attention to be on him.

“Sorry bub, were we not paying attention to you?” He shook his head, laying it on your chest just under your chin. You smiled, your heart melting at his affection.

“Goodnight angel,” you whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his head. He curled deeper into your chest, a smile spreading across your face.

“Goodnight, little man.” Tom gently ran his hand over the back of Theo’s head, earning a hum in response from the boy.

“You know,” you started, keeping your voice quiet so the boy could sleep, “I’m pretty tired too.” You yawned. Tom threw his arm over you both, letting you rest your head on his shoulder, keeping Theo tucked securely between you two.

He chuckled at your sudden sleepiness, lifting his hand to run through your hair, gently massaging your scalp.

“If you keep doing that I’m going to fall asleep.” You tried to bite back your smile, feeling him shrug his shoulders playfully.

“S’okay, go to sleep.” He smiled, nuzzling his nose into the top of your head.

“Will you be here when we wake up?” you asked, sounding like a scared child.

“I’ll always be here, now and forever baby.”

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#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #tom holland oneshot #ceo!tom #dad!tom #tom holland angst

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trashmenofmarvel · 3 years

Text

Branded - Chapter 57 (Final)

Pairing: Demon!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You find your relic.

(This is a fan AU of Falling’s Just Another Way to Fly by araniaart . Please check out this incredible series for all of your demon Bucky needs.)

AO3

You’d only been to the ancient Sanctum a few times, with strict access to the library for your studies and nowhere else, and normally you would be excited to visit the unofficial headquarters of the Mystic Arts.

But now, as you followed Wong to the room of portals that would lead to the Nepal sanctum, your stomach twisted and your heart raced. You couldn’t even enjoy the fact this was where Strange had gone on his near-disastrous pilgrimage. The idea of the Ancient One kicking him out on his ass was an entertaining one, though you were still glad she eventually trained him. As irritated as you were about a lot of things regarding the former surgeon, he and Wong both had taught you nearly everything you knew.

Plus, you’d seen the scars on his hands. As arrogant and egotistical as he appeared, Strange had suffered to get where he was. Not unlike yourself. Not unlike Bucky.

The Orb of Agamotto hung within the circular room where other sorcerers consulted with it, verifying that the magical Earthly shields were still intact. Past them were three doors leading to the other sanctums, including the one in Kathmandu.

You and Bucky followed Wong through, the familiar feeling of displacement shifting your stomach and throwing you off balance for a moment. Neither Wong nor Bucky were as unsteady as you were. It had been something you were embarrassed about, but according to Strange during one of your lessons, it simply meant you were more sensitive to spatial displacement.

As Wong led you both through the ancient stone hallways, past the commons where other sorcerers were in training, doubt crept along your nerves. Someday, possibly sooner than you were prepared, all of these people were going to follow you. Look to you for guidance, for teaching. For protection.

How were you supposed to become the next Ancient One if you couldn’t even walk through a portal without getting dizzy?

This wasn’t going to work. The idea was crazy enough to begin with. The Ancient One had to be wrong. You were going to step into her office and nothing would happen. You would make a fool of yourself; you weren’t any more talented or skilled than any other sorcerer. Just half a year ago, you’d had no idea demons and magic were even real.

And now, you were expected to carry on the mantle as one of the most powerful sorcerers on Earth? How was that even possible? How could you ever be worthy enough to—

Wong opened a door using a complicated series of hand gestures, and as soon as you stepped through, your panicked mind fell silent. Energy thrummed along your skin, setting the hairs upright.

“Here it is.”

Wong’s announcement was unnecessary; you would know this place in your dreams, even though you had never been.

It was a simple room with a single large, circular window pointed towards the mountains over the city. Potted plants perched on most available surfaces that weren’t covered with books, scrolls, and odd knickknacks.

There was only a single writing desk pushed to the side, humble and unobtrusive. The rest of the room was empty space with a single well-worn green rug in the middle. But the plants made everything seem alive and verdant. It felt very much like a place the Ancient One would spend her time. It was a reflection of her, in a way. Quiet, but hidden with secret truths.

“Take a look around,” Wong said, but you were already moving. Slowly and with intense focus, you circled the room, reaching out and feeling, not with your hands but with your mind.

Odd and powerful energy pervaded the room, muted by spells but still apparent to you. They were coming from the artifacts that were laid out, seemingly casually, on the shelves and desks.

Most of them seemed as plain and unimportant as the room itself. A cracked vase with the lip stained red. A golden helmet that was varnished and faded, but two glittering horns jutted from the temples. A knobby staff with a smooth, grey stone fixed at one end, as modest as any walking stick except for the melodic hum that emanated from the stone. You had a feeling neither Wong nor Bucky could hear it.

But despite all the weird, wonderful oddities in your reach, you were drawn elsewhere. You approached one corner of the room where lay a pile of old scrolls and their cloth wrappings, and moved them aside with care to reveal what was hidden underneath.

It was a sword hilt. Just the hilt. There was no blade, not even a piece of broken metal. The metal was dulled with time and flaked with rust, the pommel grey and dirty.

You reached out and hesitated. Fingertips inches away, something stopped you. The knowledge that once you took hold of the relic, everything would change.

You glanced over your shoulder at Bucky.

He was watching you with close attention, as was Wong, but when he caught your eye he gave a small smile of encouragement. He supported you, even though he had to know what this meant, or at least had a good idea of it.

Not every sorcerer found their relic within the Ancient One’s study.

Comfort and warmth, so strong it could only be described as love, flooded across the bond and washed away your fears. You returned his smile, even if it was shaky, and you held on to that feeling as you turned back to the hilt.

You closed the distance, wrapped your fingers around the relic, and lifted it.

It was surprisingly heavy; that was your only observation before it began. The hilt thrummed in your palm, vibrating so fast you nearly dropped it.

The rust flaked away from the metal, leaving it polished and silver. The grey pommel was shaken of its dirt, and you realized it was white bone, the metal wrapping around it to form the grip and crossguard.

The thrumming didn’t stop, but you couldn’t let go even if you wanted to. Your fingers seized around the metal, energy teeming up your hand and arm. When it reached your right shoulder, all the way up to your pentagram, the sigil burned in a way it hadn’t done since the ritual.

Bucky must have sensed your panic because he rushed forward, but you backed away from him fast, instinct screaming at you to put a safe distance between you now.

It was a good thing you had; the energy from your sigil exploded down your arm, through your hand, and into the hilt. A burst of red light shot outward, forcing you to turn away from the blinding beam.

When the light dimmed and you could see again, blinking away the after images, you stared at the sword. That’s what it was now. A glowing red blade, seemingly made entirely of light. The energy that came from it was purely of the demon realm, scorching and sulfuric.

“What…” You choked the words past your dry throat. “What is this?”

There were only a handful of times you’d ever seen Wong shocked. So, that was three powerful sorcerers you’d rendered speechless in the span of a day.

“The blade of Hell, or so it is spoken. None in the history of the order had been able to unlock its powers, rendering it anything more than a broken hilt.” He leveled you with a somber stare. “It is called Daemonio Vexatur. Which means—“

“—to become a demon.”

Wong raised a brow.

“Rough translation, but yes.”

“So, it’s a demon sword?” asked Bucky, eyeing the glowing blade. He was understandably wary, and honestly, was accepting what was happening better than you were. You were still stuck on the fact that you were holding a glowing-freaking-sword in your hand.

“Yes. And no,” Wong said in traditional teaching-fashion. “A demon cannot wield it, but it takes demonic energy to power.”

“Oh. So that’s why my sigil and my entire arm feel like they’re on fire.”

Bucky’s mouth opened and he took a step forward, protectiveness sizzling along the bond, and you gave him a hurried smile.

“Kidding. Sort of.” You smiled wider through your clenched teeth. “It is really uncomfortable.”

Bucky’s dark look told you he didn’t believe you, and with what you imagined was coming from your end of the bond, you didn’t blame him. Holding the sword was like holding on to a live wire that was also burning. There was a molten jolt connecting the hilt to your sigil, and you were just hoping to not get incinerated in the process.

And just like that, the connection was gone, and the relief of your arm no longer being on fire was dimmed by the disappointment as the sword was extinguished, leaving nothing more than a gleaming hilt.

“What happened?” You frowned, eyeing the relic as if searching for an on switch.

“It will take time and training to effectively control your relic.”

“How long?” You looked up when Wong didn’t answer immediately, catching the serious dent in his brow.

“It’s hard to say. No one in living memory has wielded the blade, and it was believed no one ever would.”

Wong gave a heavy sigh.

“So of course, you would be the one to wield it.”

You returned your gaze to the relic and turned over the hilt in your hand, admiring the metal and bone. You wondered if the bone was from a demon, a safe bet considering.

“So.” You carefully put down the hilt and turned to give Bucky your best serious face. “How does it feel to have a wizard girlfriend with a lightsaber?”

Wong rolled his eyes. He knew you well enough by now to know what you were doing, but he didn’t comment on your attempts to over your fear with humor. He muttered something about reporting to Strange as he left the office.

But Bucky…

Worry and fondness conflicted across the bond, struggling to coexist. He stepped forward, the green cloth tunic he’d found in one of the drawers of your room stretched unfairly tight across his chest. It was the largest he could find in a hurry, and it was nearly enough to distract you from your own anxieties.

“I think…” Bucky wrapped his arm around you, drawing you into an embrace that you melted into easily. “That I’m scared for you. I’m confused as hell what this means, and I’m guessing this isn’t going to make your life any easier or less complicated. But… I’m also proud of you.”

You could sense the pride easily, but Bucky was trying to bury the fear that was close to terror. He truly was scared of what this meant. You were too, and the Ancient One’s words weighed heavily on your shoulders.

There was a questioning feeling tugging at your thoughts, and you remembered too late that Bucky could sense the same anxiety, even if he didn’t have all the details. So you smoothed out your tumultuous thoughts and covered them the best way you knew how.

“You say that to all the wizard girlfriends.”

“You’re deflecting.”

“That is what swords do.”

Bucky pulled back far enough to stare at you with narrowed eyes, but when he touched his horns to yours it was with such gentleness that you nearly forgot to breathe. But breathe you did, drinking in his familiar, soothing scent and allowed the tension to drain from your muscle.

“We should head back.” Bucky said after a moment of intimate, comfortable silence in which you finally relaxed. “Got a bastard to catch.”

You reluctantly let go first, knowing he was right and you couldn’t stay here forever. Turning toward the sword hilt, you reached for it and paused. You took a small detour and picked up an old, ratty cloth nearby and carefully wrapped the relic within. Until you had a better grasp of how to wield the sword, it was probably a wiser idea to not handle it directly. You had no idea if it was sentient like Strange’s cloak, and it would be better not to accidentally set it off. Slicing off your own leg was a poor way to convince anyone that you were the next Ancient One.

On your journey back down the halls toward the portal door, Bucky said, “So… what are you going to name it?”

He smiled at your sideways glance.

“All cool swords get a name. It’s kind of a universal rule.”

Maybe you didn’t know Bucky as well as you thought you did, because you had no idea he was such a damn nerd.

“Yeah? You’ll have to bestow all your sword knowledge on me.”

“Is that a sexual innuendo?”

“It is now.”

Bucky’s smile died on his lips when you were no longer at his side. He paused and looked back where you had stopped at the threshold to the portal room.

“What if I can’t do this?” The doorway before you was no longer just a doorway. It was an insurmountable hurdle, and your feet wouldn’t budge from the floor. “What if I fail?”

Bucky approached slow and steady, his expression gentle and fond.

“You won’t. You’re too stubborn to fail.” A warm hand softly cupped your cheek, his human one, and you leaned into it. He laughed silently at your predictable need to be touched, but his expression faded into something more serious. “But on the very slim chance you do, then you get back up and you start again. Just as you always have.”

Your stomach fell. Bucky couldn’t understand what failure meant in your case. You didn’t even know what it meant, but you could guess. If you failed to be the Ancient One everyone needed… then there might not be any second chances.

Bucky wrapped you in his arms one more time, undoubtedly sensing his words of encouragement hadn’t hit as effectively as he’d wanted.

“Whatever this means, you finding that relic… Whatever happens when we find Zemo...” Bucky’s voice was deep in his chest, a rumbling sound that never failed to comfort you. “I’ll be here.”

You returned his embrace, gripping him tightly as you pressed your cheek against his chest.

“I know.”

And you did, too. Bucky would be there for you. Not because he was compelled to be, and not out of a sense of duty or guilt to protect you. He would be by your side by choice.

And that fact made Zemo’s escape, the Ancient One’s words, and your own self-doubt a little easier to bear. Because you and Bucky would weather it.

Together.

“When wounds are healed by love, the scars are beautiful.” –David Bowles

#branded #demon!bucky x reader #demon!bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #my writing #my fanfiction

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foodieforthoughts · 3 years

Text

Sand and Stars - Chapter Eight

Series Summary: After the water pump being blown up, the insurgents in Baqubah are taking a hold of the food supply to the village. Camp Warhorse is in dire need of reinforcements. It has been eight months of submitting countless requests when the High Command commissions Sergeant Olivia Ross to take her group of men and women and help Captain Syverson and his team to restore a semblance of normalcy. But with the war raging, does it get two hearts closer too?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC x OMC

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: 18+, smut, fingering, oral (female receiving), sexual intercourse, unprotected sex, foul language, mentions of war, military technicalities (thread with caution)

A/N: Dum, Dum, DUM!!! We are finally here! The smutty part of the series is here and also an added twist in the end. I hope you guys like it because we are almost reaching the end. And as always a massive thank you to the wonderful beta @thelastsock who's been a huge help. Also, thank you to @cheyentjj for suggesting an appropriate face claim for Liv, Julianne Hough is the only one I’ll see as Liv now.

<Chapter Seven

Title: Chapter Eight

Sy grumbled as he stared at himself in the mirror. His buzz cut was growing out and his beard was becoming scrawnier. He turned his head to the side, grazing his finger over the cut he had over his cheekbone. He had no idea how he had even gotten bruised like that. He wasn’t one to have an opinion on how he looked, but now that he had a woman in his life, he was suddenly more mindful.

Shrugging his shoulders, Sy turned around to grab his t-shirt from the back of the chair. His eye caught the silver chain lying on the table. He grabbed it in his hand, turning the medal in his palm. Liv always wore it but somehow, she had forgotten about it today. Sy was not religious or superstitious but he liked the idea that Liv’s friend cared about her enough to gift her something to keep her safe all the time.

Placing the chain back on the table, Sy couldn't help but think about what he had going on with Liv since the night she had spent in his room. He felt their relationship had evolved; she was opening up to him, telling him about her life, letting him in. Although, his heart had ached when she had told him about her family.

Sy had his arm draped over Liv, his fingers entwined with hers. Her back against his chest, her head resting on his extended arm. It was the third night in a row when Liv had come knocking on his door. He didn’t question her, only embraced her and cuddled her to sleep.

“Are you still awake?” He had whispered that night, not wanting to disturb the silence.

“Yeah.”

“Can I ask you something?” When she nodded, he continued. “What did you mean by ‘no one’s waiting for you back home’?”

Sy stared at the back of her head. He had been meaning to ask her about it for a while, but the moment never seemed right. He was almost certain she wasn’t going to answer when Liv sighed.

“My dad always wanted a son.” She adjusted against him, pulling his arm tighter around her. “He’s a real estate broker and has made a fortune out of it. He always had the idea that a son would be the one he would pass the mantle to.”

Sy scoffed. “That’s misogynistic.”

“Yeah, that’s my dad.” Liv sighed. “After I was born, he was clearly disappointed. He took his frustration out on mom, he treated her very badly. In turn, she took it out on me. So, I never really spent time with them as much. When my brother was born, my father was overjoyed and showered my mother with all his love, and she decided to dedicate her life to my brother’s upbringing. When my grandma asked me if I wanted to move in with her, I didn’t even put up a fight, and neither did they.”

“Baby,” Sy turned her in his arms to face him. Liv’s eyes held sorrow but there were no tears. Sy wondered if she had grown so accustomed to being neglected by her parents, she didn’t even feel anything more than disappointment. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. If they wouldn’t have treated me the way they did, I wouldn’t have become the person I am today. I probably wouldn’t have even joined the army.” She placed her hand on his cheek, smiling weakly. “How would I have met you?”

Sy smiled to himself. He had kissed her after that, feeling immensely happy for having her in his life. He would have never imagined meeting an incredible woman like Liv while being out in the desert. Sometimes he wondered if he was falling for her.

“Hey!” Liv announced, opening the door wide. She had a huge smile on her face, her skin slick with sweat and her eyes blown wide with exhilaration. “Pepps’s going to tell you everything, but I was so excited to tell you first.”

Sy raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. He could see Liv practically bouncing on her toes as she rubbed her hands together. He watched as she closed the door and walked up to him to give a chaste kiss on his lips.

“You know we’ve been trying to get more people on our side,” she pulled her jacket off, draping it neatly over the chair. She plopped down on the bed, crossing her legs and smiling widely up at Sy. “We just got someone on the inside.”

“What do you mean?”

“You told me we have intel that there’s a new leader for the militants, I suggested we should try someone to infiltrate the group. Mahmoud fixed us with a young man who is on our side but will provide us information about the militant activities.”

Sy was impressed. He had approved Pepps for trying to recruit Mahmoud’s man, but Liv had no knowledge about it. He wanted to see how much effort Liv was ready to put into getting the job done. He felt even prouder and in awe of his woman every time he saw her in action.

“Also,” She straightened her leg and fished out a trimmer from her pocket. “I managed to get it from a barber shop at the village.”

Sy smirked with a naughty thought entering his mind. “Want a trim? Maybe I could help.”

Liv rolled her eyes at him and started detangling the wires from the trimmer. “Just FYI, I got everything laser removed. So, it’s smooth like butter down there.”

Sy felt his mouth go dry with the new revelation. He couldn’t help but let his imagination run wild, thinking exactly about having his mouth on the aforementioned part of Liv's body. Explicit was often where his thoughts went when he had her in his arms lately. Her body fit wonderfully in his, arranged in his arms like a perfectly matched puzzle piece. Each night he fought the urge to wake her and make love to her then and there.

“Okay, soldier. I can practically hear your thoughts.” She snickered, pointing at his crotch. He grumbled adjusting his pants that had tightened under the inevitable effect of his filthy ideas. “And this for you. I see how you keep looking at your hair and your beard. I could give you a buzz.”

Sy scoffed, grabbing his gun from the table and putting it in his thigh holster. “I’ll get it done from someone else.”

“Sy, I’m tired and I have only three hours until I have to go to my post. So please, get your ass here.” She bent down to wave her hand over the floor. She plugged in the trimmer on the socket above the bed. She looked at him expectantly, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand.

“If anything goes wrong, we’ll just shave it all.” Sy muttered and sat down on the floor, resting his back against the metal frame of his bed. He grimaced as the familiar buzzing of the trimmer started behind him. With the touch of the old blades of the device, Sy winced involuntarily.

“Stop it.” Liv warned, holding onto his shoulder and running the trimmer along his neck. “I know what I’m doing, Captain J.A. Syverson.”

Sy groaned on hearing his full name. Liv staying in his room meant she noticed personal things about him. She had looked through his trunk for a spare t-shirt and casually asked him about his initials written on the metal box. He knew at some point she ought to know about his first name, but he was perfectly fine with being known by his last name for the time being.

“I figured it out by the way.” He could hear the glee in her voice over the buzzing of the machine. “Why did you never tell me your name's John Andrew?” She giggled, brushing the hairs out of his t-shirt.

“I was getting to it.” He mumbled bringing his legs up and resting his arms on them. “Who told you?”

“I’m not going to rat out my informant.” Liv tapped him on his shoulder and indicated him to look up. She trimmed the hair on the top of his head with her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth in concentration. Sy smiled at her adorable face, his fingers itched to touch her. She kissed the top of his head when she noticed his smile, moving onto his side burns next.

He tried to look at her from the corner of his eyes while she trimmed his hair. Everything about this situation felt so domestic. He had no clue he had yearned for something like this, only feeling it now he was experiencing it. It felt blissful and satisfying. Sy also felt delighted about Liv’s cheerful attitude and watching her be her previous self was like a breath of freshness in the stale air of grief that surrounded her.

“All done.” Liv announced. She dusted off the hair, turning his head from side to side to check her work. “Part-time at the local salon has finally paid off.”

Sy was about to stand up to look in the mirror when a knock sounded on the door. Pats, from his men, pushed open the door. A cigarette hung from his mouth, his dark beard scraggly and long. Sy jutted his chin for him to speak, looking himself in the mirror and being content with the way Liv had trimmed his hair.

“Call from the base.” Pats informed, throwing a casual wave towards Liv before heading out into the corridor.

“Duty calls, Captain.” Liv yawned, sniffling and settling down on his bed. “Wake me up when you come back?” She yawned again as she pulled the blanket over her body.

“You’re going to sleep here?” Sy questioned as he walked back to Liv. He smiled as Liv nodded, pulling the blanket up to her nose. Sy looked down at her, smiling as he observed her bundled up on his bed. For the first time in his entire military career, he wanted to neglect his job and just curl up next to Liv. “How do I thank you for a job well done?”

Sy noted how Liv bit her lip between her teeth, looking up at him with mischief dancing in her eyes. She closed her eyes and brought her arm to rest on her forehead. “I’m sure you can come up with something.” She whispered sensuously, peeking at him from underneath her arm.

Sy felt his throat go dry again as several ideas popped up in his head. He cleared his throat and leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. “Will do, ma’am.” He said, stealing another kiss and walking out the room. He looked down at his wrist watch, anticipation already brewing for when he could get back to her.

***

Liv groaned as the voices of men from the other room disturbed her sleep once again. It was a hefty price to pay for being a light-sleeper and living around men who could be boisterous when need be. She turned around to face the wall and pulled Sy’s blanket closer to her face. She breathed in the faint smell of his musk, imagining him to be lying next to her. Habituation was a bitch because she couldn’t get a good sleep until she had Sy’s arms around her.

The door to his room creaked open, alerting her of another presence. She half turned her body to look behind as she heard the door lock and found Sy in the process of removing his holster.

“Back already?” She looked at her wrist watch and noted she still had plenty of time until she had to go to her post. “What did base want-” Her question was cut short as Sy kneeled down next to the bed and captured her lips for a heated kiss. She gasped as he pulled the blanket off her body and threw it unceremoniously on the floor. Without breaking the contact between their lips, Sy climbed on the bed over Liv, capturing her between his limbs.

When they broke away to take a breath, Liv placed her hands on his chest. “What was that?”

“I’m thankin’ ya.” His accent came out prominent and his voice grew huskier. Liv noted how far his pupils were blown as lust overtook his darkening orbs. Running his tongue over his lower lip, Sy leaned down again to kiss her while pulling at her t-shirt tucked in her pants.

Liv’s heart skipped a beat when Sy’s warm calloused hand touched her bare stomach. She arched her back to let Sy pull the t-shirt off her head. She moaned as Sy let his lips travel down the side of her neck, pausing to suck at an erogenous zone which made her toes curl. She grabbed at his t-shirt, tugged at it and helped Sy discard it, adding to the pile of clothes on the floor. She took a moment to marvel at his furry chest, raking her nails over his torso and down to his belly. Her core quivered as she eyed the hairy line that travelled down the middle of his stomach, disappearing beneath his belt.

“I want you so badly right now.” Sy breathed, resuming his work on Liv’s neck, his beard leaving a tingling sensation as it grazed her skin. She reached between their bodies and worked at his belt with an unrestrained urgency. His erection was already beginning to strain against the fabric of his pants, rubbing on her lower abdomen as he moved down to her chest. “I want to fuck you so hard.” He growled against her chest, pulling her bra down to expose her hardened nipples.

Liv gasped as Sy latched onto her nub, sucking at it and grabbing at her other breast. She closed her eyes, drowning herself in pleasure as Sy lavished attention on her tits, sucking and groping each in turn. She palmed Sy through his pants, getting a groan in response that vibrated against her chest. He bucked his hip down, rubbing his crotch against her hand which jostled against her own groin, sending a jolt of excitement throughout her body.

With sweaty hands, she tugged at his pants and pulled them down his hips. Sy shimmed himself out of them and kicked it down to join the discarded clothes. Liv licked her lips, grabbing at Sy’s hardening length which pulled a throaty moan from him. She gulped as she stroked his cock, her fingers unable to fist it entirely in her hand. Sy travelled down her chest leaving kisses along the trail. Her body shivered with what was to come as Sy hurriedly bared her to his gaze.

Lying under Sy’s lascivious stare, Liv’s core throbbed, her stomach fluttered as she felt exposed and vulnerable. She clenched her thighs together as the warmth from her cheeks travelled down to her chest. Sy licked his lips with desire blazing in his eyes. He leaned down again to kiss along her thigh, tickling her with his scruff and nudging her legs apart with his hands. She watched with baited breath, craning her neck to look between her thighs as Sy kissed his path to her mound. Her thighs shuddered as his warm breath washed over her drenched hole. She clutched at the sheets with the anticipation of feeling his mouth on her.

“Get to it already.” Liv pleaded. She could feel Sy smirking against her for which she wanted to just shove his face on her need when suddenly he ran his tongue over her slit. “Fuck.” She rasped as an exquisite pleasure consumed her body. She couldn’t help but moan as Sy pulled her tender folds apart with his fingers, opening her up to him as he lapped at her with voracious hunger.

“You taste delicious, Liv.” He cooed while stopping to pepper kisses on her inner thigh, his finger rimming her clenching pussy. Liv was aware of the many men littered around the compound, some even in the adjacent room. She bit her lip from stopping herself to cry out like a wanton whore as Sy thrusted a thick digit inside her. She grabbed at his shoulder, digging her nails in his skin as he returned to flick his tongue over her clit.

Liv was a squirming mess as Sy worked around her cunt, devouring her with a carnal need and thrusting his finger inside her with fervor. She brought her other hand to her exposed breast, pinching her nipples between her fingers. It wasn’t like Liv was a virgin, but she had to admit she had never felt so overwhelmed by a man eating her out. A strained moan escaped her lips as Sy added another finger and pumped them together, curling them inside her to rub against her swollen bundle of nerves. She could briefly feel his mouth sucking at her sensitive nub, nibbling at it momentarily before licking it.

“Sy.” She groaned. The knot in her belly was tense with her impending orgasm that Sy was trying to draw out from her. She gasped with widened eyes when a third finger entered her tight hole, Sy scissoring them while plunging them in and out of her. It was too much for her to take and with an unrestrained groan she came against his fingers, her body trembling under the intensity of her orgasm.

She laid spent on the bed, sweat covering her skin as ripples of aftershock travelled down her body. Sy licked her clean, placing a gentle kiss on her clit and climbing up to her face. She looked at him with a weak smile, noticing the grin on his lips under his wet whiskers.

“Fuck me, Sy.” She instructed raggedly. Sy leaned down to take her lips in his, her taste lingering on his lips and tongue. She took a shuddering breath as he lined his throbbing cock against her dripping entrance. In one swift move Sy entered her with a grunt, splitting her with his girth and drawing out a sinful moan from the pair. The tip of his cock rubbed against the apex of her womb, teasing it as he moved his hips to pull himself out before plunging inside her again.

“God, you feel so good.” Sy groaned as he began pounding into her with vigor. “I won’t last long.” He warned, laying over her body and bringing his arms underneath her back. He circled her lithe waist with his strong, wide arms as he mercilessly thrusted into her every time reaching up to the hilt, the metal frame of their bed rattling with Sy's thrusts. The sounds outside had faded into nothing, only the wet sound of skin on skin and rhythmic moans reached their ears.

Liv wound her arms around his neck kissing him deeply with a ravenous need to feel every inch of his body. “Cum inside me.” She breathed against his mouth, looking into his eyes with fervent desire. She could feel the unmistakable coiling in her lower belly as Sy’s pelvis ground against her sensitive clit. She knew Sy was close as his thrusts became frantic and his grunts became louder, chasing his release.

Liv dug her face in his neck as another wave of euphoria washed over her making her cry out in ecstasy. Her walls clenched around his pulsating cock and with a guttural, animalistic groan, Sy jerked his hips one last time as he finally reached his release. She felt his release painting her walls, milking him for every drop. The warmth pooling inside her mirroring the warmth pooling in her chest as she regarded Sy above her.

Sy lay over her, careful not to crush Liv with his weight. As he caught his breath, he made to move away but Liv placed her hands on his taut buttocks. halting his movement.

“Stay inside me.” She pleaded with him. Tears pricked at her eyes, her senses overwhelmed with the profound, all consuming passion she had experienced moments ago. Sy looked up at her, his sweat slicked skin sliding against hers. A soft smile lifted the corners of his lips as his eyes focused on hers.

“I’ve never fallen for someone so hard and so fast.”

Liv stared at him, astonished at his words. She blinked, trying to understand if she was hearing him right. She was at a loss of words, confused and consumed with the fluttering in her chest. She could hear the rapid beating of her heart in her ears as the moments ticked by.

Sy reached up to cup her cheek, sympathy shining in his eyes at the overwhelmed woman in front of him. “You don’t have to say it back, but I think I love you.” He grazed his lips gently over hers, the carnal desire from before replaced with delicate emotion. The silent kiss they shared was soft and placid, enveloping Liv in an unknown tranquillity. “And to answer your question from earlier, base is sending more people here.” he added, with a cheeky smile.

***

Liv gazed at Sy while being seated from across him in his office. He was looking over the papers about the new team arriving later in the day. He wasn’t thrilled about accommodating more people, grumbling about how they worked better in a small unit. She bit her lip as the memories of their frenzied lovemaking from only a few hours earlier came to her mind. There was a huge hickey on her chest which tingled with her heating cheeks.

“Stop staring, Liv.” He mumbled, not even glancing up at her and reaching out to his cup of coffee.

“I’m not staring. I’m admiring.” She teased. She stood up, grabbing her gun from his table and slinging the strap over her shoulder. “Stop stressing about the new people.” She walked up to him and placed a kiss on top of his head. “I’m going to head out.”

“Stay safe.” He called out, shuffling the papers around.

“Be nice.” She winked at him when he looked up.

Liv walked out into the compound with a bounce in her step. Ever since Sy had told her he loved her, she felt elated. She knew she felt something for him but was confused if she liked him or was it love. She didn’t want to mislead him with false promises, waiting to make sure what she felt for him was indeed ‘love’. She'd made that mistake before.

Pepps greeted her near their Humvee. She had grown accustomed to the man’s company and respected him for his skills as a soldier and a negotiator. He tipped his cap at her, pulling his gun up from the hood of the vehicle. “It’s going to be a good day.” He commented before rounding out to the other side and getting into the car.

After an entire day of talking to various men and women who supported their help, Liv was content with their progress in increasing local assistance. One lady had offered her home-made lunch which had smelled delicious but owing to protocols, she had to decline. She had been ecstatic with the new information they had gathered from the informant about the militant leader which was apparent by the bouncing of her leg with impatience.

When they arrived at the camp, Liv noticed the new Humvees parked out front with new faces greeting them at the gate.

“Guess they are here.” Pepps announced, driving their car to an empty spot.

Liv noticed Sloan jogging up to her hurriedly. She alighted the car but was quickly held by the shoulders by the blonde. “You are not prepared for this.” She warned, turning her head to look behind her.

“What-?” Liv questioned but was rendered speechless as her eyes followed Sloan’s line of sight.

It was like the air from her lungs had been punched out. She felt her limbs become cold as a bead of chilling sweat dribbled down her forehead. She gulped as with pressed lips she stared at the one person she did not expect to see, not until she was on leave again. It was like god was laughing at her and plotting to twist her life as she watched both Sy and Alex walk towards her.

🌟 Series Masterlist 🌟

Chapter Nine>

#Captain syverson #captain Syverson fanfic #captain syverson x ofc #Captain Syverson smut #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #sand and stars series

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fionn-n-harry · 3 years

Text

One Night- Part 3 (Fionn Whitehead)

GUYSS thank you for being so patient for me and waiting so long, I loved writing this and I hope you guys are satisfied with the conclusion. This is a long one, and it most definitely has some mistakes which y’all can totally correct me on. hope y’all enjoy. Also tumblr removed my italics :((((

In which Y/N and Fionn explore their new relationship....

Warnings: Vomiting, oral sex, mentions of abuse, alcohol

Word Count: 17k

It's so easy for her to do it, Fionn thinks to himself. And it makes him scoff a little, a little too loud that he's afraid someone might have heard him. He clears his throat and takes a sip of his drink.

Y/N ends her conversation with the young man and they hug, the young man lifting Y/N to her tiptoes and rocking her side to side making her laugh. Fionn watches the scene unfold and his knuckles turn white from gripping his glass too hard.

He's never thought of himself as the jealous type but the alcohol in his system makes him hazier than usual. He hasn't seen her in person since they last kissed for the first time and Fionn has yet to properly address her tonight. As Y/N pulls away, her eyes suddenly lock with Fionn's and she tries to hold his intense gaze before she nervously finds herself turning away into the crowd again. Fionn looks down at his drink and watches it twirl in his glass, downing the last bit and setting his glass down on the counter shaking his head, mostly at himself, to set himself straight for making Y/N feel nervous under his eyes.

He would go apologize but he feels too nervous to do any of it now or look at her, and the liquid courage that once flooded his body was now absent.

Y/N watches Fionn make himself another drink, staring, aweingly (though she would make sure no one else would look at her stare awingly) and she finds herself in a conversation between a group of people that she is bored of.

Fionn, in a tipsy state, feels a pair of eyes on him as he mixes. He feels like he is making it all up until he looks up and see's Y/N staring at him, her eyes softer than usual, curious and shy, Fionn picks up on it all. Fionn lifts his hand and gives her the smallest stagnant wave and then tilts his head, motioning for her to come over without much thought, too into his mixing. Y/N's heart skips a beat and she looks around to make sure Fionn had been addressing her. She slowly pulls herself away from the group and finally finds herself approaching Fionn.

"Hi." Y/N says lowly as she slides up next to Fionn catching his attention.

Fionn looks over at Y/N and suddenly a huge smile appears on his face and an arm loops around her waist bringing her close into a hug while his other hand holds his drink against the counter.

"I missed you," Fionn utters as she brings her hands to rest against his chest as he pulls her in.

Her breath fans over his lips and he finds his eyes lingering from her eyes down to her lips and up again. Y/N nervously reaches for the collar of his shirt and smiles, watching her hands fiddle with the fabric and finally training her eyes to his once again.

“I missed you too.”

First real date sorta second date. Nothing to worry about. Just the two of them casually hanging out at Fionn's flat, Y/N thinks to herself.

The meet up was last minute, everything they do seems to be last minute. While Y/N and Fionn had been texting much more frequently and regularly, doing a few FaceTime calls to laugh about something together, Y/N, nor Fionn, could really tell what they were doing, if this was just extremely friendly, extremely flirtatious, or teetering the line of unspoken sexual tension from their attraction to each other.

Nonetheless, Fionn finds himself experimenting with the idea of getting closer to Y/N and when he’s back in the city he texts Y/N and jokingly asks her to come over... and then more casually suggesting she’s always welcome to come over... and then Fionn telling her he enjoys her company similar to their first “date,” and suddenly Y/N was checking her makeup in her phone camera.

She tried to liven up her appearance yet keep it as casual as possible yet Y/N begins to question whether her black halter top showed too much skin or her jeans were too casual for the occasion.

She texts Fionn that she’s outside and tugs at the fabric under her arm to provide relief to the feeling of being exposed.

Fionn is tired, he’s excited to see Y/N and quite frankly is glad he invited her because texting her and Face Timing her had him itching to have her close like the one night they had together, but he’s also really really tired.

Fionn didn’t really try much with his appearance. He tried to look presentable, and that he did well with, but he finds himself snuggling into a hoodie and taking a nap, completely frizzing up his hair into a mess. He comforts himself by looking in the mirror and telling his reflection his jeans make the look casual and presentable, but he knows he’s lying to himself and the bags under his eyes when he’s making coffee right when Y/N texts him that she’s outside.

“Y/Nnnnnnn,” Fionn slurs out her name as he swings the door open and juts his head out to smile at her.

“Fionnnnnnnn.” She drags out back.

Both unsure whether they should greet each other with a hug or just go inside, Fionn takes a moment to look at her outfit. Fionn can’t help but feel underdressed and look way too comfortable to be meeting a pretty friend.

“You were already out?” Fionn asks hanging his weight on the doorknob, yet to step aside to let Y/N in.

“Oh... yeah, was hanging out when you texted.” She’s lying because she can’t help but feel overdressed for a casual hangout with a friend when Fionn looks like he just woke up and she kinda wishes they would have FaceTimed instead so she wouldn’t have had to explain herself.

“Oh,” Fionn says, stepping aside to give her access into his home, “You look pretty.”

Y/N smiles shortly at his compliment and walks in before he can notice her blushing or her grin

become too wide.

“You want coffee?” Fionn asks, shutting the door behind her, “I didn’t realize how tired I’d be after that flight.”

Y/N shakes her head, “I’m okay, I think I’m a little too awake.” She admits, hoping through her honesty to make conversation, he won’t catch on to what she really means.

“Did you drink? You know I didn’t take you for the party type after you took care of me that one night.” Fionn says walking to the kitchen and flicking his head in that direction to motion for Y/N to follow.

Y/N chuckles as she situates herself into a high chair by his cozy little kitchen island and he goes to pour his coffee.

“Not today, ever since you picked me up, I’ve been hoping not to embarrass myself like that again. I usually never drink like that.”

Fionn takes a sip of his black coffee and slides it next to Y/N, taking a seat adjacent to her.

“You were embarrassed? Don't I enjoy helping those in need.” He says and Y/N scoffs, “Besides you said a lot of nice things anyway.”

It’s silent for a couple of seconds as Fionn watches his coffee shake in his mug as he thinks back to the night where he had picked Y/N up after a sudden phone call in the middle of the night, where she’d said nice things to him, and thanked him for helping her out. It reminds him of the first night they met and how she helped him out, preventing him from completely vomiting on everyone and calming him down and it just makes him think about Y/N and everything he knows about her , though limited, up to this point.

“Are you always that nice?” Fionn asks.

Y/N raises an eyebrow and has the slightest smile on her face, “What do you mean?”

Fionn goes in for another sip, “I mean I think, well I guess, from all the times I’ve spoken to you that you like to help others out and you make sure they don’t feel weird or crazy but you kinda just make everyone comfortable, but I don’t know you too too well when I think about it.”

He shuts himself up by taking another sip and looking around the room avoiding her gaze.

Y/N rests her elbow on the island and rests her head in her hand, “That’s like the coolest thing anyone has ever said to me.” She shyly smiles and stares at the nails on her other hand, “Don’t like making people feel like they did something wrong for something so normal.”

“Why not? I’m sure some things are meant for people to take accountability for.” Fionn questions, digging into the girl in front of him a little more.

Y/N ponders answering, her eyes flirting up to his and becoming nervous under his gaze and going back down to her nails.

“Because someone used to do it to me.” She confesses, and for a second Fionn sees her float off somewhere else before she is straightening herself out with a smile and turning her body towards him, “You are also very nice Fionn.”

He turns his body towards Y/N grazing her knees as he faces her, “Thanks but I think you win.”

And then Y/N’s shoes are discarded near the front door, and she’s sitting next to Fionn on his couch listening to him talk about when he first met Gaby because he was close friends with her brother and she was doing an immense amount of shots and beating his entire friend group in a drinking game.

Y/N laughs at his story and brings her knees toward her chest as she rests her head against the couch cushion to listen to Fionn talk. She realizes she could listen to him talk for ages and ages and the way his hair bounces ever so slightly when he adjusts himself and the way his neck is so empty and inviting-

Y/N and Fionn had drunk. Alcohol always finds its way into their setting, and they talked about it as Fionn pulled out some wine, but Y/N hadn’t expected herself to get a little tipsy and find herself fueled by confidence.

Fionn finishes his story and suddenly feels hot and restricted by his sweater, telling himself and Y/N out loud, and lifting it off his head in one swift motion, Y/N catching a glimpse of his V-line and smiling to herself in her tipsy state.

Once he discards his sweater on his lap, with hazy eyes in a similar tipsy state and flushing cheeks, he looks over at Y/N who is leaning into the couch with her eyes trained on Fionn, a smile on her face.

“Why are you looking at me like that huh?” He questions playfully reaching out to tug at her sock.

Y/N finds herself laughing in an outbreak and covering her face with her hands. Fionn laughs with her, why he doesn’t know.

“What? Tell me.” He laughs along, reaching for her forearms to separate her hands from her face. She leans forward and falls into the crook of his neck with her arms pressed between their bodies, catching Fionn off guard as she continues to chuckle lightly.

Fionn's hands hover over her body, closer to himself than to her, unsure of what to do but still playing along and nudging her head that’s tucked in his neck.

“What? Is it something I said? Tell me, tell me.” He smiles.

Y/N, in her confident state between thinking straight and starting not to think at all, pulls back to free her arms and one of her arms slides from her side up to his neck, her thumb grazing his cheek, while her other hand finds itself between his waist and under his arm. The position is much more sensual and is a leap from the atmosphere earlier, where everything was so shy.

Her actions catch him off guard and his laugh softens as he realizes just how close they actually are.

“You gonna tell me Y/N?” He whispers into her ear.

She breathes out and her breath fans his neck, making Fionn shudder.

“You gonna touch me Fionn?” She whispers back, the hand on his torso comfortingly rubbing up and down.

Fionn realizes his hands have been by his side this whole time and he brings them up to touch her back and graze a hand down her spine that hadn’t been covered by the fabric from her shirt. He feels her body squirm under his touch.

“Like that?”

Fionn's own tipsy state had made him confident enough to even touch her.

And then there’s a kiss on his neck and Fionn's grasp on her waist tightens ever so slightly to ensure he doesn’t hurt her and his eyes flutter closed. Another kiss, and another kiss and the hand on his cheek finds its way to his hair and tugs his head back gently giving Y/N access to the underside of his jaw.

Y/N hears the slightest groan that excites her and she moves from his jaw, to his cheek, to the corner of his mouth, stopping before reaching his lips and pulling back slightly, eyes gazing at his expression and tilting his head toward her face with the hand placed in his hair until their foreheads are barely touching.

Feeling her close, Fionn opens his eyes to her curious and soft ones as she smiles patiently. Fionn uses one hand to trace her spine while the other pushes hair behind her ear and cups her cheek.

“You’re so pretty.” He whispers, somewhat disconnected to realize what he’s actually saying, “Someone should tell you nice things too.” His eyes flicker between her eyes and her lips as he speaks.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, yeah?”

Y/N’s hand behind his head falls to his chest as Y/N looks away from his gaze and down at the hand between them.

“Why’d you pick me up when I asked you?”

The question catches him off guard because it’s so odd in the moment but he answers.

“Because I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Were you doing it because I helped you first?”

“Somewhat yeah.” He answers, swiping his thumb back and forth along her cheek.

“What if I hadn’t helped you?”

Fionn wants to raise an eyebrow at her question as he only finds one real answer, “Then I wouldn’t have known you.”

She nods out an “mmm” against his hand.

“I like the way you sound when you’re not in my phone.” She smiles.

“Me too.”

The hand that rests on Fionn's waist comes up to his shoulder. “Am I too close?” She asks him timidly looking at his lips then shyly back at his eyes

“No you’re okay,” He confirms, “We don’t have to do anything, we can just be close.”

Y/N scrunches up her nose, “And do what?”

“We just shouldn’t drink anymore, don’t want any of us to regret anything.” Fionn tells her moving the hand on her spine to the other side of her cheek that is not occupied by his hand. Able to position her head, he gently brings her forehead to his lips causing her to giggle as he begins to repeat her previous actions.

Kissing her forehead, then her temple, down to her cheek and to her jaw, he nudges her jawline for permission and she raises her head, giving Fionn sight of her neck where he kisses her. Fionn’s kisses on her neck are slow and circle around and near her ear. He presses another kiss below her ear and sucks on the skin and Y/N squeezes his shoulder enjoying the sensation, Fionn making note to himself. Closer to Y/N’s jaw, he continues kissing and then sucking skin, this time jutting his tongue out to stimulate the area and he feels Y/N’s hold on the collar of his shirt tightens.

“Leave a mark.” Y/N whispers to him, eyes closed and a smile playing on her lips.

Fionn pulls back, coming back to a space closer to soberness than tipsiness, “Are- Are you sure?”

“Yeah. If you want to.” She says circling her arms around his neck.

Fionn feels himself become hard and thanks god that she didn’t decide to straddle him even though she practically sits halfway in his lap.

Fionn tilts her head to the side and her neck, a blank and inviting canvas, strips Fionn of his reasoning to pull away and stop and he peppers a light kisses where he can before sucking on an area in the middle of her neck, tongue wavering back and forth on her skin until Y/N pants quietly. He moves his hands back to her waist, gripping her sides securely yet softly, still connected to her neck and leans her back into the couch until he is hovering over her, Y/N between his hips as she keeps him in place with his arms. He pulls his lips back engendering a small smack from his lips and looks at a dazed Y/N, moving hair out of her face as she smiles and becomes giggly when she opens her eyes to see him smiling back at her.

“How is it?” She asks him.

Fionn looks at the purple bruise he has just left on her neck using one hand to trace it, “It’s there.”

She nods as he strokes her neck a little more, “Cool.”

Fionn shakes his head and chuckles leaning down towards her face and pressing a kiss on the corner of her mouth before pulling away from her hold completely, standing up and leaving her on the couch with arms on her stomach.

She starts to laugh again like earlier and Fionn smiles at her suspiciously again.

“Oh my god, what now?” He laughs with her because of her own laughs.

“You’re a little hard.”

Fionn notices her eyes at his crotch and he immediately reaches for a pillow from the couch and throws it at her making her squeal.

“Okay maybe you’re not that nice.” He says grinning and turning away to the kitchen a little embarrassed.

Y/N sits up and calms her laughter, “Hey it’s okay, I’m just playing around.”

He shoots her a look from the kitchen as he grabs himself and Y/N a bottle of water, “Yeah you should be when you were kissing up all over my neck.”

Her cheeks turn pink and she covers her cheeks with her hands falling back into the couch embarrassed herself, “We’re even.”

Fionn comes back to her with a bottle of water for himself and lays one on Y/N’s stomach.

“Drink it.”

She looks down at her stomach and sits up once again to crack it open, “Yes sir.”

Fionn raises an eyebrow at her glaring as he finds himself still getting a tad bit aroused. Y/N closes her bottle and seeing Fionn’s fidgeting movements, she places her hand to Fionn's stomach and drags it down to the belt of his jeans.

“Do I?” She says quietly and shyly and the same girl Fionn saw a minute ago was no longer the playful Y/N from before. She was quiet and too rigid to move.

“What?”

Do I?

“Do I need to fix it?” She reiterates her fingers shaking as they clutch his waistband, her eyes staring at the button of his jeans, anything but lustfully.

Fionn takes his hand in her own, pulling it away from his body, “You- you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you know that right?”

Y/N pulls her hand out of his own and sets her feet back on his wood floor, as she shifts on the couch again and takes another sip, ignoring his words and holding herself.

“I’m cold.” Y/N mutters and she rubs her exposed arms up and down.

Fionn is confused by her change in demeanor, her want to be close, her questions, the look of obligation she felt to pleasure him, then the sudden withdrawal from him entirely. He’s not mad, anything but, he’s just unsure of how he’s supposed to feel. Maybe it’s the alcohol he tells himself.

Fionn reaches for his hoodie on the couch and hands it to Y/N who puts it on quickly.

Y/N’s unsure of what caused her to feel exposed and vulnerable suddenly. She’s embarrassed now when she starts to think about how she asked Fionn to leave a hickey on her neck in the heat of a moment when they hadn’t even kissed yet, and she’s embarrassed by the rush she feels to please him so he doesn’t get bored and so that he stays engaged with her.

Y/N credits her last relationship, her crummy and terrible ex, to needing to feel validated through Fionn validating her actions. But she’s coming to realize that Fionn is a completely different person, and she doesn’t have to dwell on past fears with him. He’s an entirely different experience.

“You okay?” Fionn asks taking a seat next to her again.

Y/N nods and pulls away from her thoughts. What once felt like a juvenile crush between two school kids scared to talk to their crush now felt like a real dynamic between two adults who could do whatever they want and say whatever they want. Y/N see’s that she’s in her home, wearing his sweater, hickey of his doing on her neck, no need to define what is going on between them, and it draws her to look at Fionn.

“I’m good. You okay?”

Fionn nods and smiles at her, “All good. You want to watch a movie?”

Y/N leaves Fionn that night with a big hug and his sweater on her body.

Fionn takes another trip and Y/N doesn’t get to see him for a little while but they occasionally text each other and Y/N musters up the courage to ask him to video call her when she’s alone and he’s laying in his hotel room.

“I didn’t think I’d be so badly jet lagged.”

“That’s what happens when you’re famous.”

Fionn rolls his eyes, “Don’t say that.”

Y/N laughs, “Well it’s a little true isn’t it? Not everyone gets to be in movie with-”

Fionn shushes her before she can continue, “I’m just a regular person, don’t see me any other way.” He tells Y/N over the phone as he grabs a pillow and positions it under his head, “Want to feel normal to you.”

Y/N gets butterflies in her stomach and rests her head on a pillow and moves her laptop to the side to look seemingly unaffected by his words.

Her hair is sprawled out on her pillows and Fionn catches sight of the faintest dusty purple and rose bruise on her neck from the glow of her laptop screen as he struggles to keep his eyes open.

“Mmm hickeys’ pretty much gone.” Fionn notes out loud.

Y/N touches her neck and blushes, “Oh. Yeah.”

Fionn smiles at the thought of that day.

“Maybe when I come back I can give you another one.” He mutters into his pillow, slightly embarrassed, slightly confident, and extremely tired.

Y/N chuckles, “Yeah maybe I’ll let you give me another one. When do you come back?”

Fionn is half asleep on the other end of the line and it takes him a second to answer, “Maybe, in a week or two, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Mmm okay, so in a week or two.”

Fionn shakes his head against his pillow at her playful response and finds himself falling asleep again, but he knows how to ignore it by focusing on Y/N’s voice.

“So, how was your day Y/N?”

Y/N is at another house party two weeks later after her phone call with Fionn, a party that Gaby found through her brother. And while Y/N wasn’t exactly in the party mood, Gaby had insisted she tag along to visit some old friends who told her they’d be attending.

Gaby pours herself a drink before tugging Y/N through the party. Y/N swears she sees a face that makes her sick to her stomach dancing next to a group of girls. Y/N shakes the idea, looking back and seeing nothing as Gabby brings her to a patio with a group of familiar faces. Y/N drowns herself out of what she thought she just saw and enjoys her conversation with her old friends. She drinks a little bit out of Gaby’s cup to calm herself down but doesn’t allow herself to drink anymore or grab a cup for herself.

She feels like she should stay alert tonight, a feeling in her gut tells her to stay sober, to stay present. Especially when Y/N notices Gaby’s laugh begins to drag and Y/N rubs her back, adding sensation to her friend's drunkenness and also to ease her own worry. Y/N feels her blood rushing and is thankful to see Gaby’s brother make his way into the group and take a seat next to Gaby after he greets everyone ensuring that he would take care of her if she went haywire, to which Gaby elbows his rib.

“Jesus Christ Gaby.” Her brother says, shaking his head and looking at Y/N , “Can you grab her some water?”

Y/N nods, heading inside when her phone begins to ring.

“Fionnnnn.” Y/N smiles to herself at the surprise call.

“Y/Nnnnn.” He answers back, “Guess who’s back?”

Y/N’s smile turns into a toothy grin, “Oh really? When you’d get back?”

“Couple hours ago, would’ve told you then but I needed to settle in.” Fionn hears a couple of people on the other line and feels like he may have interrupted Y/N, yelling at himself internally for calling randomly instead of texting. In his defense, he hadn’t spoken to her in a while, and missed hearing her. But now he feels selfish for expecting her to be available when he craves to have a piece of her, “Sorry, I should have texted, is this a bad time?”

Y/N walks into the kitchen where the noise dies down and pulls a bottle of water out of the fridge, “Not really, at a house party Gaby brought me too.” She says, “You can come if you want, think I saw Tom earlier in the yard.”

Fionn's lips press into a thin line, “You sure?”

Y/N leans against the counter to continue her conversation before making her way back, “I mean if you want to come feel free, unless you’re too tired.” Fionn is silent on his end and Y/N thinks she’s lost him, “Hello?”

“Do you want me to come?” He asks her.

Fionn knows realistically that he’d stick by her side most of the night, wanting to be near her again, rather than two people who know each other and go have fun on their own. He wants her to feel comfortable with him being around her world of fun.

“Well yeah, haven’t seen you in a while.... it’s nice when you’re around.” Y/N blushes at her confession and holds the cold bottle to her neck to cool down the heat that rushes to her ears.

Fionn swears he almost chokes as he comes to terms with the fact that he really really really likes Y/N and when she’s honest about the way she feels.

“Send me the address.”

Y/N waits for Fionn as Gaby’s brother holds water to Gaby’s mouth and Gaby protest’s, pushing over her plate of food in the process. Inside there’s a loud collective of laughter as the host begins to say a couple of things they get people riled up and the group looks inside and between the mess on the patio.

“Go inside guys.” Y/N says, “I’ll clean it up really fast, have fun.”

The group thanks Y/N and heads inside, as Gaby tells her how much she loves her and Y/N rolls her eyes playfully, reaching for a lone plastic bag and using a paper plate to scoop the food into a pile as she crouches down and her friends disappear.

“I knew I saw you.”

Y/N freezes, the voice too incredibly familiar and distasteful. Y/N raises her head to find a hand outstretched to her, and she lowers her head again and continues to sweep the food into the bag.

“I thought we were on good terms?”

Y/N scoffs as she scrapes the remaining specs into the bag, “Who told you that?”

She rises and avoids his gaze as she throws the plate into the bag and ties it into a knot.

“You literally danced with me at the club...?” He sounds confused and Y/N feels her anger settle in her arms as she has the urge to smack him.

“You mean when you forced me to dance with you? When I was drunk and you forced me to grab onto you and you just kissed me?” Y/N walks past him to a small waste bin and tosses the bag in the garbage.

Y/N remembers the night she called Fionn, the night where she was an absolute mess and had ran out of the club because her ex-boyfriend had forced her to stay close and touched her like everything was normal, controlling her to feel like she needed to be complacent with him. The night had brought a wave of old resentment she had for him and the way he treated her and she remembers how she had ran out when he looked the other way and called the first number in her head when Fionn’s face flashed in her mind in her drunken state.

“I was just taking care of you.” He says convincingly, and Y/N might have believed it if they were together but she knew better.

He comes close and she can feel him against her back and she shakes her head and pushes him away with her shoulder, “That’s what it always is right? You’re always taking care of me, you always know where I am, you always know when to make me feel silly when I need you, you always know when I’m supposed to get down on my knees. That’s what it is isn’t it? It’s always for my good, right?” Y/N turns around and looks straight into his tense expression, “It’s always, you know what I need so I should just do what you say. And you’re doing it again right now because I’m not running back to you... You know exactly what you’re doing.”

Y/N waits for him to say something and he bites his cheek looking away from her. “Why are you fucking quiet when I stand up to you? Had so much to say before...”

“Who gave you that?” He says, eyeing her neck and brushing the hair away, the last remnants of her hickey barely visible, “Is it the guy who picked you up that night?”

Y/N feels disgusted knowing he watched them together, that Fionn has been exposed to him. She pushes him away with her hand and dismisses him walking back into the house finally realizing how shaky her arms and legs are as she pushes past a sea of people, moving through the house, and out the front door.

“When you’re ready to get it together and come back again, know my bed is ready for you.” He jokes as his hand grips the back of her neck and turns her around to pull him into her. His touch is so aggressive compared to Fionn’s and she wants to throw up all over this joke of a man. Y/N finds a knot forming in her throat because he’s so convinced she’d crawl back to his cold bed and superficial love like a child.

“I’m not coming back,” she says weakly, twisting her face away from him, “I don’t ever want to see you again, I’m so much happier when you’re not around.”

And his face drops as he realizes Y/N isn’t as easy to control as she was a year ago. Y/N breaks free shaking him away and she feels her phone ring in her pocket and she quickly answers.

“Yeah?”

“Hey what’s the house number again- oh I see you.” Fionn says and Y/N looks up the street to see his car approaching the house.

Y/N feels her ex standing in the lawn behind her burning holes into her back, but as Fionn’s car nears, she finds it easier to ignore. She pulls at the car door, silently asking him to unlock it, and when he does, she hops into the passenger seat.

“Can we go somewhere else? I don’t wanna be here anymore.” She tells him buckling on her seat belt.

Fionn watches someone stare at them before they turn and head back inside and Fionn nods at her request.

“Oh yeah of course. Everything okay?” Fionn says, swinging his eyes back to Y/N.

She’s quiet and clasps her hands together between her knees, biting the skin near her lips. And when she looks at him, it’s a silent plea for him not to ask, not to stress her out, and to just drive.

Fionn reaches for her clasped hands and slips his hand between the two. Y/N welcomes his hand and intertwines their fingers with one hand bringing it toward the center console of the car to make it easier for him. Her other hand grabs onto his wrist.

Fionn smiles at her sadly and begins to drive off.

The ride is silent and Y/N is grateful because she isn’t ready to open up and yet she can also find comfort in his touch.

Fionn takes her to his place and when they get out of the car to walk inside, his hand finds hers again, tugging her against his side as he opens the door.

“Sorry for the mess I didn’t clean much before I left.” Fionn tells her turning his body into hers.

“It’s okay.” She whispers as he kicks the door back with his heel, “Just glad to be here.”

Fionn smiles and pokes her cheek, “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop buttering me up.” He says pulling her toward the couch and sitting her down.

“I’m not buttering you up, I'm being honest.” She smiles back tugging on his wrist to tumble him into her body to fall on her.

He laughs and moves his body off to the side as Y/N let’s go of his hand and tackles his body into the couch.

“You’re back.” She tells herself out loud as she nestles into his chest.

She knows she’s being a little clingy but she’s happy to see him and just wants to be present with Fionn and forget everything from before.

“I remember we were so shy to touch each other.” He says brushing the falling hair out of her face.

“Well I’m a lot more comfortable with you now.” She mumbles into his shirt, shutting her eyes and dozing off ever so slightly as Fionn watches.

“You wanna sleep over?”

Y/N raises her head to look at him properly, “I- I don’t want to over step.” She carefully pulls her weight back and sits on the couch properly as Fionn swings his legs over the edge of the couch to straighten himself up.

“Well, you can if you want to. Don’t expect you to sleep in the same bed as me or to do anything but just know you’re welcome to tonight.” Fionn states before heading to the kitchen and making himself coffee.

Y/N has to remind herself that this is Fionn and not her ex and while she should always be cautious, Fionn isn’t going to force her to do anything or purposely make her uncomfortable to test the waters. For crying out loud it’s the drunk, doesn’t dance Fionn who she met the first night. Y/N could cry out from relief to know that maybe she actually met someone who cares about her feelings and what she wants and how slow she wants to go or how fast she wants to go and that it isn’t just about him but it’s about them.

Y/N doesn’t realize that her positive thoughts are intertwined with her negative ones that bring up countless bad experiences that make her sick to her stomach and have her standing up and running to his bathroom and belching into the toilet. Her body physically rejects every idea of her past relationship and wants to rid herself of every part of it, but she can’t scratch it off or vomit her insides out; rather she just has to accept it, maybe even as he once always said, “get over it.”

And as she flushes the toilet and pulls herself against the wall, her spiraling thoughts and the flashes of her late night calls with Fionn and all the times they’ve been together has her wondering if she is even completely and truly ready to be in a relationship with him if she has to constantly reevaluate every instance.

Y/N is angry that she has to even think like that. That someone perfect is right in front of her and that she has doubts and might even have to wait to tell him all that’s she's feeling because someone decided to play with her for years and has resurrected all her hidden worries because she saw them tonight.

She feels two arms circling around the front of her waist and kissing her cheek as they pick her up off the ground and to the kitchen, into a stool. She barely pays attention to what he says but he puts a cup of tea in front of her, hand on her back, telling her to drink it to feel better before deserting her side again.

Y/N isn’t sure how her phone has ended up on the counter but as she takes a sip of her tea she’s debating ordering an uber to take her home, because she can’t really think straight.

Fionn comes back to her with a sweater, slotting her arms through before standing by her side.

“You’re shaking.” Fionn tells her before looking down at the phone in her hand hovering over the confirm uber button, “You want to leave?”

Y/N shrugs, unable to really answer.

“I can take you home if you want. If not then at least let me pay for your cab.” Fionn tells her quietly worried about her changed manner.

She doesn’t answer yet, instead drops her phone on the counter and takes another sip, letting Fionn watch her before she sets her tea down and reaches for the belt loop of his pants to bring him closer to her.

“Why do you treat me so well?” She whispers, the top of her head grazing beneath his chin, “If you want me to do something tell me.”

A frown begins to grow on Fionn's face and he brings a hand to thread through the roots of Y/N’s hair, “I don’t want anything.”

He uses both his hands to hold Y/N’s face and lifts it up to look at him, her eyes following.

“Just want to be around you is all.” Fionn says nervously, “I really like you, you know.”

Y/N carefully grips the front of his shirt, pulls Fionn even closer and Fionn leans down tilting her head towards his lips.

Fionn looks into her eyes then down at her lips,“Can I kiss you?”

And Y/N tugs him towards her lips to crash into his. Their lips follow each other in a slow rhythm as Y/N fists the front of his shirt desperately to bring him closer, kiss him deeper as she transfers her warm lips to his cold ones. Fionn’s tongue escapes his mouth to swipe her bottom lip and Y/N opens her mouth to let his tongue meet her own. Sloppily Fionn begins to pull away for air, but Y/N brings him in for one last long and slow kiss that has Fionn run on hand into her hair to lock her in place.

Y/N pulls back and looks at the smile toying on Fionn’s face that soon finds a home on her own.

Fionn is breathless, more than he likes to admit, figuratively, that he has just kissed the girl that has been on his mind almost everyday and that he hopes he can find an excuse to text or call. Having her close, feeling her as a part of himself, has Fionn dropping his head into her neck and circling his arms around his waist making Y/N chuckle.

“Your lips taste sweet.” He tells her in her neck as Y/N rests her arms over his shoulders to play with her fingers.

“It’s your tea.”

Fionn and Y/N stay in that position for a while, relishing in the comfort of each other’s touch free from any awkwardness.

“I really like you too.” Y/N says tiredly, eyes half shut on Fionn’s shoulder.

“Best news I’ve heard all week.”

Y/N chuckles as she gently pushes Fionn back and away from her, for her to meet his own tired expression, eyes fluttering open.

“Were you falling asleep?”

Fionn nods his head and reaches to take a sip of her tea, downing the rest of it before looking back at her.

“You can sleep here in my room if you decide to stay, or I can take you home.” Fionn tells her leaning forward with a surprise kiss for her, “What do you wanna do?”

Y/N decides whether or not she should have this conversation with him now, whether she should tell him her doubts about giving herself to him in intimate ways like she wants to without feeling like she has to, but they’re both tired so she settles for Fionn’s room and being under his sheets as she convinces him to stay and hold her hand and keep her close.

And when she wakes up in the morning she’s kissing Fionn’s temple and listening to his babbling and groggy protests, too tired to realize what is going on when she takes a cab home.

Y/N would like to think that her and Fionn are just fine a week later, even though she purposefully has been letting his texts sit longer than usual and doesn’t answer his texts right away. She wants to want to be ready to be with him without having any doubts, without confusing him, and without comparing him to the past.

Fionn asks her to hang out, swing by his place, grab dinner, do anything, and Y/N is always busy, to his knowledge, and she isn’t lying, but she purposefully makes plans last minute to avoid having to meet Fionn.

It’s another late night and Y/N is about to head to bed after she gets in her sweats but Fionn texts her asking if she was up for him to give her a call and Y/N agrees because she thinks the least she could do would be to answer his call.

“Fionnnnn.”

“Hey Y/N,” He sounds groggy and worse for wear from her side and he lacks his usual enthusiasm.

“Everything okay? You sound weird.” She notes as she peels back her sheets.

“I’m so jetlagged, I’m in another country right now. I can’t even sleep.”

Y/N raises her eyebrows, “You’re in another country? Wait since when?”

“Since three days ago.” He answers bluntly.

Y/N shuffles into her blankets, “Oh really? I don’t even remember you telling me, my bad.”

The line is silent and she thinks maybe he’s fallen asleep but he finally shuffles on his end, “I didn’t tell you.”

And Y/N is caught off guard by the revelation when Fionn has usually told her excitedly about the places he was headed “Oh... why... not?”

Fionn fishes for melatonin in his bag, kicking it away frustratedly when he can’t find any.

“You’ve been busy, didn’t want to distract you.” He says, his tone filled with irritation as he unzips his suitcase.

“Oh... are you mad?”

Fionn hears her question, but he doesn’t really hear her question.

“What would I be mad about?” He says dropping to the ground to pull out his clothes messily to scan the bottom.

“Are you mad at ...me?” Y/N asks nervously, thinking he’s caught on to her avoiding him,

Fionn quirks an eyebrow at her question and sits back on the floor pressing his phone to his ear, “No? Why would I be mad at you?”

Honestly, Fionn isn’t certain why he called Y/N, he’s been on edge, stressed and restless all day and all he wants to do is calm down, and Y/N usually helps him to, but today is different and today it’s different and he can’t help but feel irritated with every way his day has been going. And truthfully he notices Y/N isn’t around as much, and briefly imagined that she may have been ignoring him, but he’s been so swamped in work and stress that he doesn’t give himself the time to entertain the idea.

“I don’t know,” She lies when she could give a few reasons, “You just sound a little mad.”

Fionn chuckles catching on to what she’s getting at, “No I’m not mad at you. Even if you had been ignoring me I want you to know that I’m always going to give you space if you need it,” he admits, beginning to slouch forward to search his bag again.

Y/N hums contently at his words, wondering how he can read through her so clearly and rolls over in bed, “Oh... thank you Fionn.”

And then it’s silent again as Fionn checks his luggage pockets and finds his melatonin, shaking the bottle into his hand and holding the gummy that comes out between his index finger.

“Everything okay with you then Y/N?”

He moves the gummy into his palm and holds it close to his abdomen waiting for Y/N to respond.

“I’m okay... I wanted to talk to you about something actually if you don’t mind.” She sighs as she presses his phone closer to her ear.

Fionn quickly and dryly chews his melatonin to answer, “‘Course, what is it?”

Y/N props her pillow behind her head contemplating to start her sentence. She wants to be honest with Fionn, and about her worries, and while she slightly worries that Fionn may not even be thinking of the idea of their relationship, she rather get it out the way now than feel like she needs to completely disconnect herself from him because she can only compare him to her experiences at the hand of another person.

"Um, well, I like you-"

"I'm glad-"

"And I’m pretty sure that you like me too-"

"I do-"

Y/N blushes and shakes her head, "so I just wanted you to know that, if I ever, well, seem weird or question you, that it's nothing personal I just, uh..." Y/N tries to think of the right words to complete her sentence, "I just have a hard time believing people's intentions."

“Okay, yeah...thanks for letting me know.” Fionn rises to plop himself back on the hotel bed and cradles the melatonin bottle on his stomach, eyes fluttering, “Is this about the guy on the lawn?"

Y/N's eyes widen, not ready to tell the story, not expecting for Fionn to put pieces she thought were obscure together so quickly, "What?"

Fionn begins to feel fatigued, rolling to his side, "Yeah, he looked familiar. I think I remember him from the night I picked you up from the club, when I drove away he was looking into the car... and then I saw him when I picked you up recently and he looked the same. I think. Are we talking about the same thing?" His eyes begin to shut, "Sorry are we thinking of the same thing?"

Y/N's lips press into a thin line. To keep them separate was all she wanted, that she could exist with Fionn without Fionn knowing the outside influence that bothers her when she is with him. Now she feels like their relationship would have an imaginary ex of her's seated between them, one that Fionn would have to make space for between himself and her. Y/N's stomach bubbles with anxiety, "I think Gaby is calling me, I have to let you go." She blurts out.

Fionn digs her head into his pillow, "Mhmm. I don't think I can stay awake if you're not talking. Talk to you tomorrow then yeah?"

"Okay, bye."

"Sleep well-"

Y/N has hung up, thrown her phone to the side, and rolls in her bed, head stuffed in pillows, lulling herself to sleep and free of worry because of the lack of oxygen.

And when Fionn texts her the next day asking if she wants to finish their conversation, she doesn't answer. Fionn follows up with his lone text, telling her when he's headed back when he finds out, but she doesn't answer that either. In fact, she never answers, and two weeks go by, and she hasn't made any sort of communication with Fionn. Fionn is terribly confused, and it preoccupies his thoughts his entire trip, but he doesn't want to overstep her boundaries (that he realizes are also his but more fear and nerve based) so he lets it be until he's back home. And when he tells her he's back, a week later, he finds his texts are still abandoned. As the month mark of his unanswered texts approaches, Fionn finds himself missing her presence, virtually and actually. He convinces himself he may have been becoming clingy and that the three weeks that had passed were perfectly reasonable. Yet, he starts to worry, just wanting to make sure Y/N is okay, and he messages Gaby... who tells him that Y/N had been alive and well, and oddly around.

She hasn't texted you? Ugh she's such a bitch sorry

Fionn blicks at Gaby's message unsure of her tone and tells her that he just wanted to check up, and to leave it at that. He tells himself he doesn't need or deserve an explanation and if Y/N didn't want to speak to him, he wouldn't force her to want him back. But when he's showering, the warm water reminds him of the sudden heat rush he felt that night on the sofa with Y/N, when they were talking, when he kissed her neck, their calls, and Y/N telling him that she likes him back.

So where did he go wrong? The question kills Fionn and makes him question if he was good enough for her to begin with. He could imagine a future with Y/N, whether they took their relationship to an intimate level or stayed friends. He appreciated her for who she was and how warm she could be. Fionn shudders, the bed colder than he expects after his shower. While they hadn't known each other for the longest time, nor explored their identities with each other or their pasts, he absolutely misses their emotional connection, and he feels like a kid yearning to be wanted again. He starts thinking too much again. Fionn hates when his thoughts race faster than his heartbeat and he can't catch a break, and his hand gravitates towards his melatonin, ready to push him to sleep.

Placed next to his melatonin is his ringing cell, a call from Tom makes Fionn shift the place of his hand.

"COME TO BARRY'S YOU FUCKER."

Fionn's friends progressively begin to annoy him more than he wants, and he's already in a shitty mood, feeling terribly insecure in his clothing, in his presence, and he wishes he stayed home rather than wrongfully believing this would prove any type of distraction. He heads to the kitchen where he is met with a plethora of liquor that he can't decide from. He recklessly mixes some of them together in one cup, having the sudden urge to drink more than he knows he can handle. It doesn't taste very good, but Fionn knows it will get him tipsy (or drunk) faster so that he can move on and begin to enjoy himself. He stands against the wall as his friends harass the DJ to play a dumb song, yet he isn't as irritated anymore, feeling the drink seep into his system.

"Y/N, I fucking hate you," Gaby tells Y/N, punching her arm much harder than Y/N expected as she gets into Gaby's car.

"Shit Gaby, what was that about?" Y/N rubs her arm weirded out by Gaby's flared nostrils and raised eyebrows.

"What was that about," Gaby mocks, "You ghosted Fionn you bitch... put your seatbelt on."

Y/N stays silent, prepared for Gaby to lecture her, and Y/N might even cry because she already feels like a shitty person for what she is doing. And she knows she is, but she would rather tell herself than have someone else tell her. Y/N was going through a lot of emotions, to be honest, Fionn as a romantic partner reminded her of what they could be, happy, healthy, and with good and solid boundaries. But she also has this looming idea that hasn't left her for a year, that in her next relationship, she could be used, disrespected, and hurt. It's not that she didn't want to talk to Fionn, she just didn't want to think anymore, and she ran away from her problems, telling herself she'll text him when she's calmed down. Yet she never texted him, nor explained anything to him, and now she's scared to text him, knowing she's waited too long, thinking he may have already dismissed her and let her be. In reality, she knows Fionn is patient and may have been waiting for her, giving her the space he told her he would give her. But the time where she grabbed her phone and told him how much she missed him hadn't come, and now that she feels it has, she’s a couple weeks too late.

"I'm not going to attack you for it. I know how things like this scare you because of him. But could you just shoot him a text or something?" Gaby grips the steering wheel as she begins to drive, "Fionn texted me, wanting to make sure you were okay."

Y/N tears up, throwing her head back into the seat, as she feels an overwhelming sense of guilt, finally truly realizing how he must feel.

"I'll text him soon, I promise." Y/N whispers.

Gaby smiles softly, "Good, no rush, just do it soon so he knows yeah? You can have fun tonight and figure it out tomorrow."

Y/N is separated from Gaby at an overcrowded gathering that Gaby dragged her to claiming, “Yeah I know this girl, I met her at another party” before Y/N runs into an old friend of hers. And that's when Fionn realizes she's there. He thinks his drink is too strong and is playing tricks on him, but after intensely staring at her features, and the black halter top he remembers running his hands over on his sofa, he's stuck in place. Watching her lips move, remembering when they touched his, remembering they were dragged across his jaw- he stops himself from thinking any further in fear that he might give himself a boner. His eye's dart from her face to the person that wraps an arm around her neck as she laughs into her hands. The guy watches her closely, wanting to amuse her, and Fionn scoffs, a little too loud that he looks around to make sure no one heard him, but it's lost beneath the music.

Y/N wraps up the conversation and the man steps forward, pulling her closer, to adjust his arms under her shoulders to hug her, lifting Y/N to her tiptoes, making her laugh. Fionn watches the scene unfold and his knuckles turn white from gripping his glass too hard. He's never thought of himself as the jealous type but the alcohol in his system makes him much more envious than he ever thought he could be. He hasn't seen her in person since they last kissed for the first time and Fionn has yet to properly address her tonight other than watch her from afar.

When Y/N pulls away, she starts to walk in Fionn's direction and immediately locks eyes with him, trying to hold his intense gaze (which is really just Fionn unsure of what to do) before she finds herself turning away and rushing into the crowd again. Fionn looks down at his drink and watches it twirl in his glass, downing the last bit and shaking his head, mostly at himself, to set himself straight for making Y/N feel nervous under his eyes. Yet also at the thought that she had just run away from him, and it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

He would go talk to her but he feels too nervous to do any of it now or look at her. Fionn wonder's if she's moved on, met someone new, or had feelings for someone else to begin with that made her leave and run from him here and he feels insecure in his presence again. He wouldn't be too mad if that were necessarily true, he's an adult and it happens, but it would sure break him a little. He sighs harshly, and marches back into the kitchen, prepared to fill his cup.

Y/N runs to Gaby and Y/N explains the situation, hands moving too fast as she talks, and Gaby trying to keep up with Y/N's pace.

"What do I do? I must look like a bitch-"

"You definitely do-"

"Okay Gaby, I know! I can't believe I just left."

Gaby, obviously annoyed, glares at Y/N, as she takes a sip of her drink. Y/N cowers under her gaze, "What..."

"I swear Y/N, go tell him that you're sorry and kiss him or something. You always do this. Don’t screw this up, you like him don’t you?” Gaby watches Y/N quietly nod her head embarrassed at her lecture, “So then act like it yeah? And calm down, do you want some of my drink?' Gaby holds out her drink and Y/N chugs it in its entirety.

The rest of the night is tamer than that moment as Y/N learns to calm herself down, get her fucking act together, and be an adult. But when she does, she can't find Fionn as the night becomes busier.

She’s relieved when she spots Fionn. Y/N watches Fionn make himself another drink, staring aweingly (though she would make sure no one else would look at her stare awingly) and she finds herself in a conversation between a group of people that she is bored of.

Fionn, in a tipsy state, feels a pair of eyes on him as he mixes. He feels like he is making it all up until he looks up and see's Y/N staring at him, her eyes softer than usual, curious and shy, Fionn picks up on it all. Fionn lifts his hand and gives her the smallest wave and then tilts his head, motioning for her to come over without much thought, too into his mixing. Y/N's heart skips a beat and she looks around to make sure Fionn had been addressing her. She slowly pulls herself away from the group and finally finds herself approaching Fionn.

"Hi." Y/N says lowly as she slides up next to Fionn catching his attention.

Fionn looks over at Y/N and suddenly a huge smile appears on his face and an arm loops around her waist bringing her close into a hug while the other holds his drink against the counter.

"I missed you." Fionn utters as she brings her hands to rest against his chest as he pulls her in.

“I missed you too.”

The moment is cut short when a handful of people begin to shout excitedly as a line of shots begin to be poured. It’s at this time Y/N notices that Fionn begins to push into her, tipping her over and making her support his weight as she makes an effort to not tumble under his weight.

“How much have you had to drink?” Y/N furrows her brows when she sees him pick up his cup to bring to his lips again. Fionn shrugs as he pulls the rim away from his lips now slick from the liquid.

“D’know.” He tells her slurring the end of his sentence and his head droops over Y/N’s, his hand now digging into the skin on her hip as she is forced to absorb the heat of his body from their proximity, “I’m just so glad you’re here,” he confesses, lips moving in her hair, “I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, and I thought you proved me right.” He mutters, obviously still embarrassed though his state of mind.

Y/N shakes her head against his and the hand near his neck falls to his waist to push him away and support some of his weight on the counter, “Not at all. You are more than enough.” She tells him, a reassuring smile toying on her lips.

Fionn cocks his head up at her and tilts it to the side, “What’d you say?”

Y/N notices the volume of the room and Fionn who suddenly starts rubbing at his temple, bothered by the noise. Y/N takes note that Fionn is the type of man who, when he has had one too many drinks, likes a quiet atmosphere rather than one surrounded by people as time with him has taught her. She soon is dragging him through the apartment and into a cozy bathroom, with a light dimmer she is grateful for when Fionn complains that it is a little too bright. Fionn is drunk, but he can handle his own in the current state he is in, it isn’t like the first party where he might choke on his own sweat. It’s quiet and calm in the bathroom and he isn’t overheating on the couch of a house party. Instead he’s cool, dipping one hand under cold water as he watches Y/N shut the door behind them, and turn her back to it.

Fionn settles for sitting on the toilet seat close to the sink as he continues to allow his hand to lay under the pressure of gushing water.

“What’d you say before?”

“Huh?”

“What’d you say before, I couldn’t hear you.” Fionn repeats as he nods for her to come over and sit on the space between his feet in the tile. Y/N trods over and sits on the ground facing him, in between his spread legs.

She smiles to herself as he watches her though influenced eyes, getting worked up when she leans her head into his knee comfortingly, “I said that you are more than enough,” her hand reaches and squeezes his knee, “For me.”

Fionn loves the words that come out of her mouth, but he’s still hurt about what happened earlier and he wants to let it go, but he’s still bothered, “Then why are you running away from me?” He asks sadly.

Y/N feels like an absolute prick, and his words slapped her with a sense of guilt she’d only been allowing to seep out of her in increments, but Fionn’s words, so genuinely wondering where he went wrong, drowns her in guilt, suffocating her.

“I’m so sorry,” She says looking down at the tile, “I’m so lucky to have met you and I shouldn’t push you away like that. I’m sorry.” Her hands rub at his thighs and his knees, like she’s hugging the lower half of his body.

Fionn feels himself choke on his breath and he goes a little too long without blinking. It isn’t until he realizes that Y/N has retreated her hands to herself that he turns off the faucet, wipes his wet hand on the side of his shirt and his hand is reaching for her cheek, securing her in place with his thumb tucked behind her ear.

Y/N shudders against the cold hand that holds her lovingly and she looks back up at Fionn who has a boyish grin.

“I’m just glad you’re here now.” He tells her stroking her cheek, heat rising on his own face.

Y/N is so happy that things aren’t tense because of her temporary ghost, and she thinks he’s almost too forgiving but she won’t complain. She would even dare say she thinks they are closer now. But she realizes the haze in Fionn’s eyes as his head falls back against the wall. He is drunk after all. Y/N feels like she has unintentionally taken the easy way out to avoid proper communication and she sighs again, resting her head on his thigh.

“What are you thinking about?” The wave of his voice rumbling through his body, to his thigh and to her face.

She lets out a light chuckle, “Whether or not I’m gonna have to nurse you back to health.”

Fionn sucks his teeth and the hand on her cheek slides back into her hair and gently pushes her to one side playfully, “I’m fine you. So fine that I want to take you home.”

Y/N rolls her eyes and pulls her head away from his hold, “Not letting you drive me home when you look like that.”

“Good, cause’ it’d put you in danger... but who said it would be your house?”

Y/N feels her ears grow hot and she crawls away toward the door and presses her ear to it without responding, “It’s not that loud anymore, wanna go?”

Fionn moves his head side to side, “No. I like it here, it’s quiet. And you, pretty lady, are here alone either me.”

“Are you always this verbally affectionate when you’ve had too much to drink?”

“I just want to be with you.” He admits casually causing Y/N to blush and turn away from him completely, “If you’re okay with that.”

Y/N is unsure whether he is talking in the moment about their situation or their relationship in general but she is quick to her feet to subdue her worry when Fionn starts to snooze on the toilet seat he had been sitting on and someone knocks on the door whining that they have to take a piss. She tugs at his wrist and she soon gets him to stand up. He walks on his own toward the bathroom door that Y/N holds open for him and instead of leading him back to a calmer section of the party like she planned, Fionn is suddenly guiding himself deeper into the apartment and into a bedroom and Y/N follows suit.

“I’m not trying to seduce you, m’just tired.” He tells her when he see Y/N awkwardly stand in the corner of the room as he flings himself onto the bed, “You don’t have to stay if you’re bored.” He adds as he shuffles his head closer to a pillow and tucks an arm beneath it, “But I like knowing you’re near.”

Y/N is unsure what allows Fionn to be so blunt in the moment, never really taking him for a blunt and or confident drunk but a nervous and anxious one but she realizes the circumstances are different

“How’d you know this room was here?” She asks him and she gradually makes her way over to him.

“I’m good friends with the guy who lives here. We used to be roommates for a couple of months.”

Y/N hums back at his answer as she reaches him, his back turned to her. Unsure of what to do, she settles for having her hand trace over his back for the time being and digs shapes into the skin that she is blocked by because of his shirt.

She wishes she knew how to properly respond, physically, when she hadn’t seen him in so long. It’s not the same anymore, she nor Fionn seem too nervous in each other's presence like they once did, and while that is credited to Fionn drinking, she suddenly feels the urge to throw herself into the comfort of his arms and into his side where she can rub against him. But she doesn’t deserve that right now, after she ran away from him and left him wondering about her. And she hopes she can tell him soon when he’s in the right state of mind so she can kiss all over his neck again if he decides to accept her apology. And she really really hopes he does.

Y/N isn’t paying much attention to what she is doing as she talks to herself in her head until a hand is grabbing her wrist. Fionn has twisted around to his back and his face is pink, his breath slightly quicker than usual and his grasp on her skin hot. And Y/N who tries to look him in the eye, can’t help but notice in her peripheral vision the valley that has appeared in his crotch.

“I was just rubbing your back.” She says sheepishly looking around the room and away from him entirely.

Fionn nods, “I know, I just,” his mind is racing slightly embarrassed, “I’m not thinking properly right now.” He drops her wrist and immediately turns back around face down to the sheets.

Fionn is drunk and Y/N was not about to touch Fionn the way she wished she could, everything right now is wrong, the atmosphere, the situation, the timing, it’s all wrong. There is a time and place for them to address and sort each other out properly and now is not it. She doesn’t even know why she’s still standing in the room with her hands by her side. So when she thinks Fionn is completely asleep, she tiptoes to the door and leaves him again.

Gaby is sober to Y/N’s surprise, something about not wanting to miss Y/N leaving and Gaby being unaware of where she’d gone like the party before that had Gaby crying to her brother thinking Y/N had been kidnapped. Gaby and Y/N are grateful to go home together for once.

“You talked to Fionn?” Gaby asks as she paces herself to reach a stoplight.

“A little, nothing important, he was drunk.” Y/N admits, “I feel like our connection always has to do with alcohol. I barely feel like we can be normal with each other unless we have a drink in our system.”

Gaby shrugs, “Well you both are shy as hell. I talked with Tom, said Fionn isn’t even one to do much as to meet new people unless he really really has to, and you are not exactly the type to tell a guy you miss him—”

“Well I did—”

“—Hush, you get what I mean, you aren’t straightforward when you need to be, or at the best times.” Gaby says, a hand falling to her lap as the other grips on to the steering wheel, “For that reason, I think you should take him out on a date.”

Y/N quirks an eyebrow at her friend and Gaby smiles, “Think about it. You can be straightforward at any time you want as long as you don’t kill the mood with a random downer and I know you’re itching to be lovey dovey and did you kiss him like I told you?”

Y/N swats Gaby’s shoulder in response, “You’re so nosy.”

Y/N takes Gaby’s advice and in the morning asks Fionn when he’s free so that they can talk properly. Without wasting time, Fionn tells her he can speak today or anytime during the week and Y/N chooses to prepare herself and tells him to meet her at her place two days from then. Their texts are kept short as they are yet to cross that line again, but Y/N is grateful to be in touch with him one way or another.

She’s not one to cook, but she tries to experiment for those two days, urging Gaby to come over so she can cook Gaby breakfast and dinner. Gaby is honest and Y/N won’t lie that her feelings are hurt, but Gaby’s honesty about how Y/N is somewhat a terrible cook encourages her to stay in her lane and do what she knows and make Fionn a dish she is comfortable with, which she realizes is nothing... The day of, Y/N pulls on a bodycon that teeters far from the line of formality but can rarely be considered casual and orders takeout a little before she expects him to arrive. An hour before he comes over, she’s fluffing her hair the way she likes, cleaning up the little things as much as she can and doing her best to keep the food warm when it comes in. She pats her lips in the embellished mirror that sits in her living room room when—

Hey I’m downstairs.

Y/N checks her appearance as quickly as possible and grabs her keys and anxiously walks out the door. The elevator cannot come any slower and she feels like she’s tugged on her bodycon a little too much to the point where she’s begun to stretch it and wrinkle it. No matter her nerves, she thinks she’s excited, that they can be alone and talk the way they want knowing that they can be blunt about their feelings toward each other and their affection if Y/N is totally straightforward and she can hash out the real issue that has brought them here quickly and —

Shit.

Y/N can spot Fionn outside her complex through the window pane of the double doors and he is dressed casually and past him she can see his car is double parked and running. She had forgotten to mention this was gonna be a date.

Y/N is sure her body would have let the elevator doors close and take her straight back up to her place to tuck herself under layers of covers and let her food get cold if it had not been for the fact that Fionn and her lock eyes and he awkwardly nods to greet her through the glass.

Y/N forces herself out the elevator and unlocks the front door that leads to her stoop.

“Hey,” Fionn is the first to speak as she walks over to him way too slowly before his eyes trail down her figure all the way to her toes, “Cute sandals.?You look nice too, you headed somewhere?”

Y/N sighs, “Oh, I didn’t even notice.” She looks down at her fuzzy slippers and then to the car that continues to run, “Not headed anywhere... You headed somewhere?”

“Maybe, not sure if I wanna go yet.” Fionn tells her. They are an odd distance away from each other and Fionn waits for Y/N to speak watching her sway side to side and look up and down the street, “So...”

Y/N snaps her head to Fionn, “Right uh...” Y/N’s plan to tell him her concerns have gone out the window, this is not how she wanted to do it, rushed because his car is still running and whatnot, but her stomach bubbles from the thought of telling him what she wants to, “I just wanted to tell you again that I was sorry.”

Fionn's lips purse into an “o” shape and he shakes his head nonchalantly, “You’re good, you can have time to yourself—”

But the whole point of this was for her to tell him what she wants, “But you deserve an explanation, a real one.” She adds, “I actually thought, I don’t know...,” she blushes and Fionn cocks his head to one side feeling a smile form on his cheeks because the situation is amusing, “I thought tonight we could spend some time together if you aren’t doing anything— if not we can rain check, if you want to though! — but if not we can talk and I have some food upstairs...?”

The bashful look on Y/N’s face that she so desperately tries to hide does not go past Fionn and he shifts his weight from one foot to the other biting the inside of his cheek to stop his smile.

“I forgot to tell you that I wanted this to be like a , you know, you and me thing... sorry I forgot to tell you the most important thing...” She scratches the back of her neck and stares at the ground, “Guess I was nervous or something.” She says, throwing her head to laugh shyly.

Fionn’s legs feel like jello, the butterflies in his stomach could fly out of him and there would still be a million more gliding in his veins, especially when he realizes she’s asking him on a date. Fionn suddenly feels self conscious again when his hands rub at his sides and he realizes what he’s wearing.

“I’m not really dressed for the occasion...” Fionn slurs and Y/N nods her head defeated but understanding, “I mean look at you.” He chuckles, cracking his knuckles.

They are both so painfully timid in this moment and they are reminded why their conversations must usually be fueled by alcohol.

“But I’d love to come up.”

And Y/N has the fattest smile on her face, “Okay.”

Fionn looks at his car running in the background, “Give me a minute I’ll just park and come back real quick.”

Y/N nods again worried her words will be too bubbly. She’s pulled out of her world of excitement tangled with a twinge of panic when she unexpectedly feels Fionn’s lips pecking her own quickly and gently pulling back before she even has time to realize. An encounter that has her touching her lips.

They don’t talk much on the ride up or the walk down the hall, but they are so evidently giddy about each other without having to do or say much.

Y/N leads Fionn in and has him take his shoes off at the door. She seats him at her cute little table near her window and heads to her kitchen to put the takeout on her fancy plates she's always so scared to mess up. She can see Fionn through the half wall of her kitchen, taking off his light jacket and hanging it on the back of his chair. He catches Y/N taking a sneaky look at him and he holds her eyes with his until she gets nervous and begins to set the food onto the plates even faster.

"You need help?" He calls out leaning forward on his forearms.

Y/N holds up both plates in response and rushes over to where he is sitting, placing both plates on the table, then running back to the kitchen and back to the table with two water bottles. Once she's seated, she pulls her loose hair back and grabs her fork, waiting for Fionn to take the first bite before she starts to eat.

"I'm happy you're here, I think I owe you an explanation for what I did." And then she stuffs her mouth to wait for his response.

To her surprise, Fionn is shaking his head, "You're okay, as long as I know you're okay--"

"But don't you want to know why?" She pushes.

"Well, it's not like we're together." He says much more nonchalantly and colder than he intended for that to come out. The air around them goes still as Y/N chews her food extra slow. He's right, she thinks, they aren't together, and if she pushes him away and never tells him anything, they will never be together. But they will never be together either if Fionn believes Y/N doesn’t have to share anything with him because they aren't together. Y/N drops her fork confused at his words because while she appreciates Fionn reassuring her about how much space he is willing to give her, that she is not his and he doesn't expect to take anything from her, she wishes he could tell her some things he did want, and while he doesn't want anything from her, does he want her? -- in the way that she's been wanting him?

"Well..." She starts before looking at nothing in the middle of the table in a low voice, "Do you want to be?"

There is so much anxious tension that has made its way into Fionn's bones and down to his fingers and through his throat that it feels like food is lodged in his throat and his fork is unbelievably heavy. He didn't mean for it to come out like that, he wants her to know he has no malicious intentions behind his actions. He knows that she know he likes her, but he's come to realize that isn't enough, that whether he's tried to be open about about his feelings and had the impression that he was succeeding showing such, he forgot to express his desire to be with her, the desire that a relationship would exist just between the two of them. Everything had just been up in the air. Sure they liked each other, but what were they gonna do about it?

Fionn let’s out a laugh. He laughs, and Y/N cocks her head to the side as she watches him lean over the table to put a hand on her head, causing her to blush.

“Do you even have to ask?” He lets his fingers slot through her hair, gently dragging his hand down the side of her face to bring a couple of strands forward and frame her cheeks, “That's all I want.” He sits back in his chair, staring deeply into her eyes from across the table, “Do you?”

She can feel a smile bubbling onto her face until she reminds herself why they are sat here, and the wall that stood between her and committing to Fionn.

“I just want you to know that I’m still trying to trust you and it’s not your fault I just don’t want to compare you to anyone else and their bad actions... I just want to have you.” Her eyes trail from the table up to his eyes and Fionn is reaching for her hands and squeezing her fingers.

“Okay, that’s okay, and I’d like to be here to help you if you need. Okay?”

Y/N let’s her smile finally erupt and she’s leaving her side of the table to hug Fionn, arms around his neck, and his arms swinging up to her waist, pulling her into her lap where she mostly finds herself for most of the evening as they relish in each others touch, and lips.

. .

“Another hickey?” Gaby asks, spotting it as she exits a stall and Y/N fixes her hair in front of a bathroom mirror,“Never took Fionn for the wild type.”

Y/N rolls her eyes at Gaby, though there is a grin sporting its way to her face, “It’s just for fun.”

Y/N and Fionn have a great thing going, and while they aren’t together together they are exclusive. They’re usually together when he’s not away, she’s always the first person he calls or texts at the end of the day, the first person she facetimes when she tries to improve her cooking and he’s the first person she has been with that she truly trusts herself with entirely. They haven’t had sex, and there is no rush to, but they find themselves doing small things to please eachother, not truly ready to cross that line yet.

Gaby runs her newly soaped hands under cold water and watches Y/N adjust her hair to hide her hickey again, “At least I know you’re happy,” Gaby smiles, “and I no longer have to drive you everywhere. You should tell Fionn how much I appreciate him, you know, he does me as much of a service as he does for you.”

Y/N collides her hip with Gaby’s, pushing her away, and in return Gaby flicks her wet hands toward Y/N’s face who guards with her palms.

“Y/N learn how to drive for our sake.” Gaby pouts.

Y/N feels her phone vibrate in her back pocket.

I’m outside :)))

She smiles at his text, “Speaking of Fionn, he’s outside.”

Gaby leans over to engulf Y/N in a bear hug and rocks her, “Tell your boyfriend I said hi and thank you.”

Y/N says goodbye to the rest of her friends at the restaurant before heading out and rushing to Fionn's car running out front. She taps on the glass to catch his attention and he’s unlocking his car door for his lover, immediately reaching for the nape of her neck with one hand to pull her to his lips once she’s inside.

She pulls away, allowing one hand to rub his chest comfortingly before pulling on her seatbelt, “How was your day?”

“Better with you here.”

“My god,” her seatbelt clicks into place and she reaches for his bicep from the arm that still latches onto her neck, “what a sweet talker you are-”

Fionn is pulling her back in for another kiss, this time surprising her with his tongue that invades her mouth and swirls around her own, savoring the drink that still lingers on her tongue. He pulls her in deeper and deeper, and her hand is forced to fist at the material of his shirt near his waist to compose herself from the dizzying feeling that accompanies his lips. He pulls away unexpectedly, watching Y/N wait for more and pecks one more kiss to her flushed lips before removing his hand from her neck to change gears, then to the middle of her thigh.

Y/N watches Fionn quietly begin to drive off and she rests her hand over the one on her lap, encasing his fingers beneath her grasp. She can’t tell what’s got him quiet, or so worked up to kiss her so hungrily, but she doesn’t mind. Nor does she mind him kneading and stroking the inside of her thigh when they reach a red light.

“How was your day Y/N?”

His smile is almost innocent, but she can see his eyes flit to her neck and her hickey and back to her eyes.

“Good, just went to meet some old friends, Gaby says hi.”

He hums in response and his head falls back completely onto the headrest, — tired? — eyes watching her in a way that Y/N can’t put her finger on before he’s back to watching the road, gripping the wheel tightly.

“You okay Fionn?” She asks naively.

Fionn resists the urge to laugh, and the urge to reel her back to his lips and taste her. He’s been on edge all day, frustrated, and he painfully notices what’s been bothering him when an overwhelming heat rushes to his crotch when Y/N, looking lovely as ever, sits herself in his passenger seat with his work so clearly painting her neck when her hair is behind her shoulders. If he had to tell her the truth, he’s extremely sexually frustrated, maybe it’s just all the work stress he’s told her about and the yearning sensation to have relief from it in one way or another, but he knows Y/N and he’s not truly sure how many remnants of the past that she’s still reminded of, and how he doesn’t want her to feel obligated to fix an issue that he can handle now that he realizes it. Kissing her is just enough to satisfy him for now until he gets home and excuses himself, though her kiss always leaves him wanting more.

“I’m okay just - missed you yeah?”

Y/N traces her thumb over the indents on his hand and his rigid fingers, “You’re kinda tense you know. Maybe I can give you a massage when we get to yours.” She suggests happily and his grip on the wheel tightens even more.

He puts on his bravest smile and tries to hold onto it as he feels himself crumbling and his hand gripping her thigh tighter, not enough to hurt her, but enough for her to feel it and quirk an eyebrow. Y/N and Fionn sit in silence, which she finds weird because Fionn usually is telling her something interesting when everything is quiet but this time he’s reserved. She’s learned that he’s usually quiet when he’s tired, but he’s much more calm and relaxed when he’s tired, allowing himself to find comfort in his fatigue. This she can’t put her finger on, because she’s never seen it before, and she settles on making herself learn more about Fionn and this new expression of his that she doesn’t know.

When they reach his house, it takes him a minute to properly get out of the car that Y/N is already out of the car before him. Then he’s rushing to catch up, hand over her shoulder as they reach his doorstep. He’s fumbling with his keys from his rushed manner and Y/N realizes how long it takes him when she hears him huff. She looks over at his flushed face and finds herself pressing her hand to his neck. He relishes in the cool touch of her hand, washing him with relief yet also filling him with guilt that he’s so out of it because of something so silly. She takes his keys out of his large hands and into her nimble fingers as she begins to unlock the door. Watching the lock below her, there is something in her peripheral she’s not exactly sure about but for the most part she can ignore it. She adjusts her grip on his keys with one hand and accidently drops the set.

Cursing out loud she crouches down to pick the keys up, allowing her other hand to trail from his neck, down his chest and to his lower abdomen to steady herself. Fionn rests his head against his front door as her hand stops near his hips and he grabs onto her arm to keep her balanced. He feels like she is going to kill him with her touch alone.

When Y/N grabs his keys from the ground and begins to stand back up, she notices what has been hiding from her in plain sight and is now practically looking her in the eye, Fionn’s hard on.

Fionn notices her eyes, wide as ever trained on his crotch, and he quickly lifts her up to straighten out her legs before hiding his hips into the door and leaning away from her entirely. Y/N could laugh really, in a way it is funny, but she can also tell Fionn is absolutely embarrassed and has been hiding this from her so that she wouldn’t feel that pressure that her responsibility is to satisfy him, a secret wrapped in a web of other thoughts that she only told Fionn.

But she doesn’t feel that anymore, the idea doesn’t scare her anymore, they’ve been together for a while and she’s more than ready to admit she knows how she should be treated and how Fionn will treat her just as she should be. He’s all that’s on her mind anymore, no more past thoughts and actions haunting her mind, just Fionn and his lovely self.

She opens the door and they shuffle inside before she hands him back his keys and he’s closing the door behind them.

“I’m sorry,” He utters on edge, “Just give me a second yeah, I’m gonna take a shower and I’ll be good as new.”

Fionn is absolutely embarrassed and tries to put on his bravest face when he talks to her. Though he wishes he could run upstairs and relieve himself, he doesn’t want it to weird, knowing she’s down here full well aware that he’s upstairs stroking himself wishing it were her, so his best bet is a cold shower and then he can get back to his love and-

Y/N is kissing him before he has a chance to hurry to his bathroom. Her lips capture his and suddenly his rational mind is being overtaken by his dick when she presses into the front of his body and he unintentionally grinds into her, causing him to pull away immediately after dropping his head onto her shoulder, defeated.

“Y/N please, give me just a few minutes to calm down.”

One of her hands flies to his head and kneads through his hair, “You don’t have to,” she says, her other hand finding his belt loop, “Want to help you, only if you want me to though.” She whispers into his ear.

Want to, want to, want to. A part of him feels so incredibly happy that his girl wants to rather than feeling like she needs to like she once believed. On the other hand, Fionn feels all the blood rush to his cock and before he thinks too little, he’s grabbing her waist and pushing her away to look her in her eyes, “You sure?”

She knows that you sure? is aimed at asking her if she's truly ready, and that the past isn’t something that festers in her mind and affects her present, and she smiles, “You’re all I know now...I’m sure Fionn.” And the hand on his hip falls to his belt, “Can I?”

And Fionn is dizzily nodding and leaning down to kiss her again, using his hands to pull her over to the couch and have her fall on top of him, her knee between his legs rubbing against him, causing his head to lean back and for him to whine as Y/N takes the opportunity to drag her lips down his jaw and onto his neck where she sucks on his skin as her hands skillfully undo his belt.

She falls down to the floor, on her knees, one hand high on his thigh and the other tracing the waistband of his boxers, before she peels them back to reveal Fionn’s cock. He’s not huge, but he definitely is not small either and Y/N, prepared to take on the task of making him cum, spits in her hand before taking him in her palm and moving her hand up and down against him.

Fionn is incredibly sensitive to her touch just because he’s dying to release, and when her thumb comes to the head of his cock and circles around the tip, he’s bucking his hips up toward her hand, and gripping the couch cushion beneath him, eyes fluttering as he tries to keep his moans to himself. The precum that oozes from his tip allows Y/N to glide her palm against him, and when her reaction satisfies him, she leans forward and juts her tongue out to lick the underside of his dick where a long vein trails down his length.

Fionn is absolutely breathless and he gently taps Y/N’s forehead with his thumb to push her away and give him a chance to breathe. His hands run along her hairline until they are tangled in her hair, petting her.

“I’m doing okay?”

He’s speechless, she’s doing more than okay and he nods giving her a sweet grin as he continues to rub the back of her head, “Perfect.”

She gives him a couple of seconds, Fionn seeing the stars his own eyes, and the moment she feels he’s recovered she’s leaning forward and taking him into her mouth, the grip he has on her hair tightens and he’s pushing his back against the couch as he tries to keep his hips from thrusting into her mouth. Y/N takes what she can in her mouth, and takes the rest of him in her hands, her eyes watching his reaction as he squirms beneath her and moans and mutters curses under his breath.

“Your mouth,” He says breathlessly, “Doing so well.” He trails looking up to the ceiling silent words coming out of his mouth. He’s so close he can feel it but Y/N pulls away, her lips pretty with Fionn’s premature mess.

“You okay?”

She nods and places her hand over Fionn's hand in her hair, “Help me fit more of you, push me down.”

And Fionn who can barely speak, and feels as if he has tears pricking at his eyes watches her shake his hand out her hair for a moment to pull it back, using the hair tie on her wrist to tie it, “I’m sure,” She pats his knees and gives him a smile, “Wanna make you cum.”

Both his hands are flying to the side of her head gently slotting his finger through her roots, and she turns her head to kiss his wrist before she flits her eyes at him, telling him she’s ready. Her mouth encompasses his cock and her tongue lay flat on the underside of the vein that runs through it. She waits for Fionn to move her, and when he pushes her head down and bucks his hips up hearing a gag and feeling Y/N salivate around him he’s destroyed.

He isn’t too rough, but he isn’t going very slow either, he’s chasing his release with her mouth desperately moaning and whimpering lewdly, “You take me so well, you look so pretty- fuck- so fucking pretty. Fuck, Y/N-” and he fucks his hips faster into her mouth to glide her lips against his dick and provide him relief. He’s more than familiar with the sudden fire that begins in his stomach and his hold on the sides of Y/N’s face begins to loosen as he tries to tilt her head back and away.

“I’m- shit, gonna come” he tells her as she still hungrily sucks on him, “Y/N, please... please, I’m gonna cum, love, please.” He’s hungrily watching her and he closes his eyes everytime she pulls her mouth away from his cock just to bring it back down toward his abdomen.

She pulls back swiftly and looks into his eyes which causes his thumb to gravitate from her hair toward her lips and swipe over them from the pretty little face she is making, “Cum in my mouth then.”

Y/N uses both of her hands to stroke him once more and she wishes she could take a picture of Fionn, and how needy and breathless he is, trying to keep himself at bay. She takes him in her mouth one last time, fitting what she can and stroking the rest as Fionn is too paralyzed with pleasure to push her back down. The overwhelming frustration he once felt is fueled by a fire in his stomach that grows and grows and grows until he’s squirming under her, his eyes red , wanting to cry from how good it feels, and he’s a whimpering, whining and tugging on her hair.

“Please, please...” Fionn says trying his best to pull her away from all his sensitivity as she continues to suck him dry. She allows him to pull her off and feels a good deal of pride seeing him pant and the red flush on his cheek when she finally swallows.

“Feel better?”

He’s completely fucked out, and he tries to give her the best smile he can even though he feels she just sucked all the energy out of his body, “So much better,” he tells fixing her hair lovingly, “Thank you.”

She nods back at him, tucking him back in his boxers, and wiping the corner of her mouth preparing herself to stand with her now aching knees, but Fionn stops her, the hand in her hair keeping her in place as he leans forward. The other hand in her hair moves to her cheek and he leans her in and up to him, pulling her bum off the back of her heels, and bringing her into his lips. He can taste himself on her, salty, but he could care less, she still tasted sweet, and the two flavors melted together making her undesirable. And though he just got a blowie that practically numbed his entire mind, he knew exactly what he wanted, the one active thing he could think about was her.

Y/N pulls away, her eyes and brows scrunching together as she tries to stand up, “My knees fucking hurt, give me a second.”

And he laughs leaning back into the couch, his arms falling behind the couch cushion watching her stand up and shake out her legs. When she’s satisfied, she falls on the couch by his side.

“Where were we?” She asks, placing a hand to his chest.

“I was going to try to romance you but your knees were about to give out.”

“Fucking knees.”

The room is filled with a comfortable silence as Y/N kicks off her shoes and brings them up to her chest, her clothed toes tucked beneath his thigh.

“You know,” she starts, “If you hadn’t nearly vomited on everyone that one night then I probably wouldn’t have been sitting here.”

“If you hadn’t come to my rescue you mean.” Fionn says, fixing his arm to fall on her shoulder.

Y/N drops her head onto his shoulder and closes her eyes, tired from the day, and though she and Fionn wishes they could go a little bit further, having felt and tasted each other more, neither of them have the energy. Fionn brings her closer with one arm and kisses her forehead, “What does my girl want to do tomorrow?”

“Mmmm I’m your girl now?”

“Are you?”

“Am I?”

Y/N opens one eye with a mischievous smile waiting for him to answer, and he shakes his head playfully as he looks down at her in the crook of his neck. Yeah, he thinks to himself, she could be the love of my life.

He drops his head back against the couch chuckling out loud, "Yes.”

#Fionn Whitehead #fionn whitehead imagines #fionn whitehead imagine #fionn #imagine #imagines #one night #part3 #finale #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #series #dunkirk #fluff

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kiribaku-queen · 4 years

Text

Secret Hero [3/10]

Pairing: Bakugou x reader

Angst, Drama, AU

Word Count: 4K

A/N: I can say I’m pretty proud of this chapter, so I hope you all enjoy it! I would love to know your thoughts and let me know if you want to be put on the tag list!

Summary: After becoming the number 2 hero, Bakugou accomplished everything he ever wanted. He beat Deku in a few matches, even if he wasn’t the number 1 hero. He got all the fame, beat countless villains, was acknowledged by all his friends and family. But he wasn’t satisfied. He wasn’t happy. Bakugou realized that this wasn’t the life he wanted. So he left the life of a hero and decided to hide to live the rest of his life as a normal person.

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]

It’s been a few weeks since Bakugou settled in town. He got adjusted to his new apartment and even his new job as a construction worker. He had no need to use his quirk, but he could still get a good exercise in to warm up his muscles. The real action happens late at night in the streets. Even though he gave up hero work, he decided to keep an eye on the town. There may not be many crimes but when they do happen, he was there to prevent them. This town was peaceful and safe and he was going to keep it that way.

Bakugou started bumping into you around town more often. Of course, you guys would stop and chat. A little too long, some people might say. With the help of you, he got adjusted to a new environment. You showed him your favorite restaurants, the places to shop at, both expensive and ones that have the best deals. You showed him the arcades, the theatres, the parties, the to-go places that he has to go. These were the perfect times to just hang out with each other and get to know one another.

Day by day, the more you were with him, the more you started to fall for him. It was everything about him. His looks. His smile. His laugh. The intrigued look on his face when you show him something new. Or when he’s so concentrated on small, common tasks. It’s like he’s never done them before. And the way he’s so protective over everything. If you trip, even the slightest fall, he’s ready to catch you. That brings a blush straight to your cheeks. You’ve never been treated like this by a boy before so all this is new. But you liked it a lot. Also his body, but no one has to know about that.

It’s not news to your friends that you had a crush on the new guy in town. He was literally all you talked about. Who can blame you? A heart throb at its finest. Your friends urged you to ask him out on a few dates, but you were too shy to. And even if you tried, you chickened out every time. Sure, you guys were spending an absurd amount of time together, but who says that he likes you back?

“He’s totally flirting with you!” one of your friends exclaims.

“Yeah! It can’t hurt to try! And if he says no… well. That kind of sucks.” Your other friend just shrugged their shoulder.

“Oh my god, you are not helping!” you covered your face with a pillow. You thought that having a girls night and talking about your boy problems was going to help you, but this was not what you were expecting.

“What if you get into a relationship and he’s a slob?” another one of your friends gave a what-if scenario, making everyone else scream in laughter. And you’re just sitting there, listening to their nonsense.

“Even worse! What if he’s a serial killer and you’re his next victim!”

“Now you really make me not want to be a relationship anymore,” you say, deflated. Having not been in a relationship before, the fears of what could unfold definitely were scaring. But those were all what-ifs. And pretty unlikely scenarios as well. But, there’s always that one small percent that you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. For all you know, he could be keeping a secret from you.

“Okay, okay girls. We all know the real reason why you don’t want to ask him out,” one of your friends announces and turns to give you a look. The way you looked up at your friend was like a pouting puppy who did something wrong. All your friends turned to you. You could feel all their eyes, staring burning holes into your skin. You wanted to hide but they could hunt you down in an instant like a pack of wolves.

“I didn’t know this was an intervention,” you sigh.

“It’s your biggest insecurity since like, forever! You’ll know if he’s the one if he meets her,” they say but that just makes your heart drop. You didn’t want to think about what would happen, all the scenarios you could imagine if they did meet.

“You know what’s going to happen. Cause it always happens,” you sigh, dejected and feeling totally defeated already. Your friends felt bad for you. No matter what they did or say, they couldn’t change your mind on one thing.

“Well even if it does happen, then you’ll know he’s not the one for you. And you haven’t fallen too deep for him yet so you can just kick him on the side of the road!” you friend suggested, clapping her hands like it was such a genius idea. The rest of the group seemed to agree with her. You really didn’t want to do it, but you knew that he was going to meet her sooner or later.

“How do I even bring it up though?” you asked.

“You don’t even have to tell him! You know what, this is perfect. Invite him to lunch tomorrow to meet us. It’ll be a group thing so it’s subtle,” that also got everyone’s agreeance. Yeah, it wasn’t a bad idea at all. Maybe it was too soon?

Too late for that thought. You were already waiting for Bakugou to show up at your meeting spot. The girls texted you saying that Momo and them were already at the restaurant. Now only you and Bakugou had to show up.

“(y/n)!” you heard that familiar voice. You turned and saw Bakugou running up to you. When he caught up to you, he was breathing hard, trying to catch his breath. “Sorry I’m late. Did you wait long?” he asked and you just shook your head.

“Not long at all! Shall we go?” you ask and you lead the way.

“What made you want to introduce me to your friends?” Bakugou asked suddenly. It was so sudden that you were scrambling to find an excuse.

“Uhm, they just heard so much about you and they really wanted to meet you-”

“Oh, so you talk about me, huh?” he decided to tease you. And it really got to you because your face got so hot, anyone could see that someone was wrong.

“No, it’s not like that!” you tried denying. Your reactions get him every time. Bakugou bursts out laughing and he ruffles your hair.

“I’m just kidding. Should we go in now?” he asks. In no time, you guys were in front of the restaurant. Wow, time passed by so fast. Your heart was thumping in your heart. It was time to face the real challenge: introducing him to your cousin.

You both entered the restaurant and you were flooded with greetings and hugs. Each friend came up to you to hug you and introduce themselves to the handsome man you brought. Bakugou was a gentleman, but you never knew how much of a gentleman was. And he wasn’t as awkward as you thought he was going to be. As he introduces himself to each friend, he doesn’t shake their hand or go in for a hug like most people. Instead, he takes each friend’s hand and lands a chaste kiss on their hand. That made all the women go wild. He knew what he was doing. But by the time it go to Momo, you watched their interaction closely.

“I’m Momo,” she introduces herself, sticking out her hand for him to take. He takes it without a hesitation and places a soft kiss to the back of her hand.

“Bakugou,” he introduces himself, eye contact never breaking until they both sit down. Despite him doing the same thing to each person there, something about their interaction didn’t sit well with you. Your eyes glanced at your cousin, and there it was. She had the look in her eyes. The look. She had her eyes on him. You lost.

Lunch was horrendous. After that whole introduction fiasco, you completely lost your appetite. Your mood was down. You honestly just wanted to go home. Momo wouldn’t take her eyes off of Bakugou. And from the corner of your eye, you could see him glancing back at her. But it was never for too long. You felt dejected but tried your best not to show it. The whole table was laughing and was having a good time. If you brought the mood down, you could cry of embarrassment. That was the one scenario you didn’t want to happen, so you fake it until you make it.

Momo and Bakugou look like they’re having a good time. Laughter was being exchange and she was definitely flirting. You couldn’t tell if he was flirting back or just being nice. You turned to the other side of the table where your friends were, but they were too busy in their own conversation to notice what you were witnessing. You looked to the floor, food barely touched. Is this the end? Will you ever find love at this point? Should you move? Rebel against your parents more? Your thoughts were interrupted by a small nudge. Looking to the side, Bakugou was looking at you, concerned.

“You okay?” he asks. Your heart aches. You’re fully convinced that he’s asking out of courtesy because you guys are friends and not because he likes you. You give him a weak smile and a nod, but nothing else. Bakugou frowns at your response but doesn’t press further.

“Ready to go?” your friend announces. Everyone seemed to finish their food and the bill was already paid for. You didn’t realize you spaced out that much. Your group headed out the restaurant, huddled outside and exchanged their goodbyes.

“Was it a no?” your friends asks you as she pulls you in for a goodbye hug. With deep regret, you nod your head and your friend juts out her lower lip. “I’m sorry.” You shake your head. What did she have to say sorry for? This was your problem. And you got your hope up too high.

“I’ll see you later?” you ask and she nods her head. You look at everyone else, briefly glancing at Bakugou and Momo’s direction.

“Bye guys!” you wave and continue on your way. You shove your hands deep in your pockets, still looking down at the ground. Time for deep thoughts and feeling bad about yourself. Something you got strangely good at.

“Wait,” someone stopped you, grabbing your elbow and turning you around. Bakugou? He didn’t look too happy. “Let me walk you home.” He offers. You frown and turn to the rest of the group. Momo was already walking away so you couldn’t see her face. Why was he here instead of over there?

“But-” you tried to refuse but he cut you off.

“Please.” He says firmly. With that, you could not not say no.

The way back to your apartment was filled with silence and not like the usual conversation driven atmosphere. You knew Bakugou wanted to say something but you were going to wait until he spoke up. You arrived at the foot of your apartment and he has yet to say anything. Awkward.

“Thanks for walking me home!” you turn to him with the brightest and fakest smile you could muster. Please fall for it, you think to yourself.

“What’s wrong?” he avoids your comment to ask.

“What do you mean?” you ask back, acting confused.

“You didn’t talk at all. You barely touched your food. You were fine earlier. Did something happen?” he asked, concern written all over his face.

“I…” you started. You couldn’t tell him the truth. “I just get into moods. Sorry you had to see that.” you say on the spot.

“Let’s fix that then.” He offers. But you had no idea what he was talking about. Before you could ask, Bakugou took your hand in his and led you up to your apartment. You spent the whole rest of the day letting him cheer you up. He distracted you by watching your favorite TV shows, baking brownies, talking. And soon, you guys were eating Chinese takeout and drinking wine. Usually, it takes a lot for you to get out of this mood. But with him, he made it so easy. You were smiling and acting like yourself in no time.

It was a fun time. Just drinking the night away and talking your asses off. Anything and everything. Time must have slipped past you because it was already so late out, but you were soooo tipsy, to say the least. Bakugou looked fine. Jealous. You didn’t like being a lightweight because a few glasses could make you pass out and the fun is over. You didn’t want the fun to be over. You wanted to be with him.

You guys were joking around, having yet another glass of wine, when Bakugou took your phone out of your hands to look through your camera roll.

“What do we have here?” he teased, seeing the selfies you took recently.

“Give it back!” you demanded. But Bakugou completely ignored you and kept scrolling through your hundreds of pictures.

“Bakugou Katsuki!” you whined, reaching for your phone. He was quick to extend his hand so that your phone was out of your reach. His arm was so long and yours was so short, it was impossible to retrieved your phone unless you reached across him. Being the drunk ass you were, you did just that. Your hand rested nicely on top of his chest as you reached over to grab your phone. But because you were so drunk, you slipped and fell deeper into his arms. He caught you, wrapped his muscular arms around your waist. Your faces were just inches apart, both of you staring into each other’s eyes. His eyes then look down towards the lower end of your face and back up to your eyes. You caught that. What does that mean? Does that mean what you think it means? Was he going to kiss you? Your mind was telling you to push him away because you didn’t want to assume. But god was your body telling you something different. Your eyes also started traveling lower, the hand that was on his chest tugged on his shirt. He was leaning in closer and closer. His arms that were around your waist got tighter and brought your body closer to his until it was completely flushed. He tilted his head, his breath just barely tickling your lips. His lips were so close, but he didn’t connect them just yet. He was teasing you. You could hear your heart beating in your ears. You felt like you were going crazy. Oh, how much you wanted to take control, grab his face and smash your lips together in a hungry kiss. But you stopped yourself. If Bakugou wanted to kiss you, he would do it. You weren’t going to ruin your first kiss just because of your lust for him.

Bakugou teased you to no end. The way your eyes were fluttering with lust and how your lips were parted just for him, waiting to be kissed by him was riling him up. He smirked. You had enough teasing for tonight. With a quick movement of his neck, he reached up steal a light, passionate kiss.

His lips were soft. His aroma filled your senses. Your head was filled with him. This. Was the perfect first kiss. It was sweet. It was passionate. It was emotional. It was everything you dreamed of and more. Your lips disconnected but Bakugou wasn’t done. And neither were you. You kissed again and again and again. Your hands reached the back of his neck while his stayed on your waist and lower back. Before things could get anymore heated, a blaring ringtone interrupted you guys. Your lips parted for the final time and you started coming back to your senses. It took you both to realize whose phone was ringing. It was Bakugou’s. You got off him to allow him to fetch his phone.

“Hello?” he answered the phone, but went right back to your previous position, one arm laced around your waist, holding you close to him. This caused your face to heat up immensely. You looked up at Bakugou, his face now frowning. You couldn’t tell what they were talking about but you had a feeling that this night was coming to an end.

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no it’s fine. I’ll be there soon,” he says and hangs up the phone. “It’s my boss. He wants me to fill in a night shift position.” he tells you. You pout a bit but nod your head. It was work. Can’t do anything about that. You both get up and you escort him to your front door. You were a bit disappointed that the atmosphere got ruined but that’s just how life is. When something really good happens, it’s always taken away. He opens the door but before he leaves, he turns to you and gives you apologetic eyes.

“Sorry, I’ll see you later?” he asks. You give him a weak smile and nod. Bakugou could sense your disappointment. And he was going to make it up to you. He grabs you by the waist, pulling you in and catching you off guard. Your hand, again, rests of his chest. He leans in and right when you think he’s about to kiss you again, he smirks. Instead, he leans in close enough until your forehead and noses are touching. Then, he lets go and is on his way. You were left feeling flustered. Slowly, you close to the door. As soon as you heard the door click shut, you screamed into your hands.

“Holy shit, was that real?” you asked yourself. You pinched your cheeks. Yep, that hurt. That all felt like a dream. Where you hallucinating? Did you imagine everything because of how much you drank that night? It all happened so fast and so sudden. It felt surreal. Oh god. What were you two now? What did that kiss mean?

Emotion after emotion, question after question! You were feeling and thinking about so many things at once. You needed to calm down and just ask him in the morning.

Because Bakugou took on another shift, he slept the whole morning, well into the afternoon. But then you got busy so you couldn’t see him for a few days. That gave you plenty of time to think about what happened and plan out what you were going to say to him. You even discussed it with your girls. Man, when you told them what exactly happened, they were screaming and cheering for you. They were so ecstatic that not only did you get your first kiss but it was steamy session!

“He’s totally into you.”

“If you don’t date soon, I’m gonna be so mad.”

“Give me more details!”

Your friends were bombarding you with so many things, you couldn’t keep up! There’s no doubt in your mind now that he has feelings for you. Why else would he kiss you, especially like that? It made your heart race every time you thought about it. Was he going to be your first boyfriend? Finally? And then your mom can back off with the threat of sudden engagements.

It took a while, but both you and Bakugou made time to meet up. You were waiting anxiously for him. You’ve never been in this situation before so you didn’t know how to act. Should you act all flirty and cuddly because you guys kissed? Or should you act normal, like nothing happened? But what if he gets the wrong idea? You were too into your thoughts to see that Bakugou had already arrived. You only noticed when he laid a hand on top of your head.

“Welcome back,” he says as you snap of your daydream. Embarrassing. You both walked into the small coffee shop. The same one you both went to the second time you met each other. You waited at the table while Bakugou brought the coffees.

Gosh, you were so nervous. Do you talk about other things before brining it up? But you were so desperate to know. Fuck it.

“So, about the other night,” you started and that got Bakugou’s attention right away. He rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile.

“Yeah, about that. I’m sorry,” he apologized. Huh, sorry? “That whole thing was an accident. We were both drunk and it was all in the moment. I’m never usually like that. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.” You heard your heart break. But you had to let him know that it didn’t make you uncomfortable! Maybe then, he’ll change his mind.

“What if I told you if I liked it?” you looked at him with pleading eyes.

“I’m actually not looking for a relationship right now,” he said. In truth, he wasn’t. He thought you were petty and interesting and he’s never had so much fun being with someone before. But the thought of being in a relationship… it scared him. Plus, he’s never been in a relationship before. “But I hope we can keep being good friends like before.” Rejected. You were devasted. You felt embarrassed that you had your hopes high. You didn’t want to believe that your dreams were going to be shattered like always. You thought he was going to be different. He just played you.

“Yeah,” you say weakly. It barely came out. Before you realized, your eyes were brimming with tears and threatening to spill. Who cares if he sees, you couldn’t hold them in any longer. You just had to get out of there. “I forgot I had plans. I have to go.” You say and get up. And then there they go. A tear slipped out. That didn’t slip past Bakugou because he was studying your face the moment he sat down.

“(y/n),” he stood up, panicking. He tried to reach out to you but you stopped him.

“Don’t. I’ll see you later,” you say and dismissed yourself without giving him another glance. Bakugou was left in the coffee shop, feeling like the biggest jerk.

You cried for days. You’ve been rejected before but for some reason, this rejection hurt the most. Your girls comforted you, of course. But there was nothing much they could do. You had to get over him yourself. It hurt. A lot. But you wanted to respect his decision so bad. If he wasn’t ready for a relationship then he wasn’t ready. But you also didn’t want to feel like you were being played. If he wasn’t ready then why did he kiss you?

It’s been weeks since you’ve seen him. You couldn’t bring yourself to see him. Just the mere thought of seeing him and then being reminded of your rejection just hurt so much. He tried reaching out to you a few times, but when he noticed that you weren’t responding to him, he stopped. That hurt you too. What did you expect though? You weren’t over him and you couldn’t fake it. So you ignored him. But you were disappointed that he didn’t continue to reach out despite you ignoring him. It happens in the movies all the time. A girl can only dream.

You’re friends urged you to get some fresh air and get out of the house. They swore it was going to make you feel better than being coped up in the apartment. So you did. Shopping always cheered you up. See something you liked or wanted, boom. Bought. If it cheers you up in the moment, then why not? You were walking out of a small boutique store when you saw Bakugou on the side of the road. He was on the other side of the street, waiting in front of a nice, black car. Shit, what was he doing here? Your walk slowed down and turned into a halt. A woman walked out of the store that was behind him. He turned around and the woman linked arms with him. Then he opened the car door for her and they both got in. You recognized that hair. That face. That style.

Bakugou was with Momo.

A/N: Let the drama begin! I’d love to know your thoughts and let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

Tagged: @superblyspeedydragon @simpforeveryone @bakasbitch18

#bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #bakugou #bnha bakugou #bakugou imagine #bnha imagines #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

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stxleslyds · 4 years

Text

Nightwing #75

So i am a little conflicted about the last Nightwing issue. To start i would like to talk about what i liked.

I liked how Dick was talking about himself and his experiences; i felt it was needed for Dick to tell both Bruce and Barbara to stop trying to get all over his business as if they know him better than himself.

(Just a disclaimer i like Barbara (as Oracle even more) but when it comes with Barbara being such an important person in Dicks life i think i lose interest because i don’t think Barbara has been that relevant in his life in a long time so as far as Rebirth continuity goes i don’t feel like she would know or impact him as much.)

And seeing Dick so confidently talking about what he thinks as opposed to Bruce is always good. Dick and Bruce don’t see eye to eye in a lot of things and sometimes we forget that.

I found the scene in the graveyard very emotional, the one with just Dick in front of Alfred’s grave while he says that he hopes Alfred knew that Dick didn’t remember him and that’s why he reacted in such a “rude” way. I like that he doesn’t guilt trip himself for that.

But the most beautiful thing in this issue was...Travis Moore’s art. I mean do i even have to mention it? He just draws Dick so beautifully you can just feel all of his emotions through Moore’s art. Just fantastic!

Before i get into my feelings about some things in this issue...lets address the big elephant in the room shall we?

What the hell is continuity in the Joker war event/tie-ins/aftermaths?????

I just don’t get it and i don’t really want to get into it because continuity within a same event really doesn’t matter to DC so why should i try to work it out for them you know?

Now to my feelings and review kinda... its going to be long so forgive me in advance...

We start this issue with Donna and Garth visiting Dick in a hotel room. They are both happy to have Dick as Dick back. Now here is where my feelings start to conflict and i know....yeah way too early for my taste. Donna and Garth seem like they are in a hurry for Dick to put the suit on and act as if nothing happened to him for the last few months (that is in comic continuity which i agree with), i do understand that to these two it hasn’t been easy all the death and the uncertainty of what’s to come...but you will think that they would take it slower with him. But here we see Dick’s first thoughts on the matter “everyone expects instant magic” and well yes Dick my dear...the continued subject during this issue is people close or seemingly close to him telling him how he should feel and what he has to do to be Dick Grayson once more.

The first time we see Alfred talk we are not given information as to how it’s happening but later in the issue we come to understand that Dicks thoughts are part of a speech he is giving in front of Alfred’s grave, which Alfred in ghost form is answering and this is how the story from the issue unfolds. Only the end of the issue happens after the conversation in the graveyard.

Alfred continues to talk and he tells him “you are free to be whomever you desire, Richard, the decision is yours to make”

Which Hell Yeah! You are right Dick is the only one who can decide who he was, is or would be and more than that he knows if there was really a difference between Ric/Dick and the man he is now or in the future.

But as humans we also tend to look for others opinions so Alfred continues with “you might look to those who love you for support. Barbara will always be there for you”

And here is where you lose me a little bit, and it’s not Alfred’s fault like the guy was jut written that way...i know that DC loves to play the card of there is a official timeline and we know how it works but i haven’t seen it yet. But in the rebirth or new 52 timeline nowhere did Dick and Barbara strike me as friends, partners or lovers, or having any kind of relationship where Barbara truly knows Dick.

Anyway that is followed by a flashback of Dick and Babs fighting together against some Joker goons after the Joker is taken down and there Dick is wearing the suit he wore as Dickie Boy... Yeah here is where continuity is all mashed in the wrong way. If you read or saw anything from Batman #100 you would know that Dick wears the Nightwing suit the whole issue. So in the Nightwing book timeline Dick either changed back to the Dickie Boy suit after the fight or never wore the Nightwing suit and is not fond of the idea of wearing the Nightwing suit or name.

Back to him and Babs he is explaining that he was himself back when he was Ric and that he wasn’t miserable but happy, this apparently doesn’t sit well with Babs because she can’t wrap her head around the fact that Dick was happy without being Nightwing she tells him “i don’t think it’s possible to be happy if you are denying the essence of who you are”

She follows that statement with “...it seems to me that real happiness doesn’t happen without being true to yourself” and “which means you have to be Nightwing”

That whole thing is messed up to say...mostly to somebody who just got his memories back, and who just told you that they were happy.

Barbara cannot dictate if Dick was or not happy when he was Ric because she wasn’t there after Ric understood that Babs wanted Dick and not the man that he was trying to build after losing his memories and being shown how he was shot while being a vigilante. So if you are not present in someone’s life for a period of time how on earth will you be able to tell them how they really feel or should feel.

Alfred maybe knowing that things wouldn’t work out with Babs he says “perhaps Bruce has the answers you are looking for, Richard” Not only did i thought that was insane but Dick did so too.

But we are shown a flashback once more to when Dick and Bruce are fighting Jokers goons and then Bruce asks about the suit and Dick is so over it i so am i so i will just jump right into the Dick being “whole” again.

Bruce says that “all i want ...is for you to be whole” alright batdaddy you are being weird, they continue fighting and Dick soon realises that Bruce is taking him to that place where Dick was forced to fight Babs back in Nightwing #73 where there is a Nightwing suit (So Dick obviously never wore the Nightwing suit in the Nightwing book timeline). Dick is not pleased by Bruce tricking him into going to that place and he tells him so he tells him that he doesn’t need the Nightwing suit because he doesn’t need to become Nightwing he has all he wants as of now and is happy with how things are. But just like Barbara Bruce is not convinced he tells Dick that he doesn’t have all his things sorted out neither of them do (nice batdaddy always inserting yourself in other peoples life) because they don’t have Alfred with them which Dick once again has something to say “i would like to think he’s here (with a hand over his heart), has been every step of the way”

After this in the comic we are shown the graveyard scene which is emotional and lovely, Dick talks to Alfred about him having reached happiness while he was Ric and being with Bea. Alfred’s ghost says that Bruce and Dick reaching happiness even with the jobs they carry is all he wants for them.

Back to the past when Dick is talking to Bruce about the same thing saying that Alfred would love for them to be able to continue their jobs and find happiness Bruce has something to say “impossible, happiness certainly if it’s of the house with white picket fence variety...is not an option for us”

And Dick my man has once again something to say, he tells him “can’t say that i have ever truly agreed with that” and then continues to say that Alfred thought that the isolation that Bruce put himself on wasn’t truly necessary and that he and Bruce were different because Dick can actually build a life while having the job that he does.

Dick puts the Nightwing suit on because (and this is me reading into it) he realises that he can have both things he knew that he was happy with the life he built with Bea when he was Ric but he had to convince himself that being Nightwing wouldn’t take that from him, he reached a place where he feels confident. He not only will take Nightwing back but Bea too.

And i am going to leave it at that because writing these things isnt really something easy for me but i wanted to write my thoughts on this issue.

I do have problems with some of the subjects talked about in the issue but i still liked the fact that Dick continously stood his ground in what he believed so yeah

#dick grayson #nightwing

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bound-writings · 4 years

Text

Hananene For The Soul

♡tbhk secret santa for @amanebae aka Momica♡

“Game Day” fic + Hananene Relationship HCS

>nene has an overnight school trip, leaving her no choice but to leave a certain ghost boy themselves. spoiler alert - she doesn’t though.

>also nene introducing modern games to a baby boomer named Hanako

“Yashiroooo, you have to be lying right now!” Hanako whined as he squeezed Nene tighter, his neck resting on the crook of her neck, pouting.

“No, I’m not lying, Hanako-kun! I’m being one hundred percent serious!” the dual-colored hair huffed, dunking the mop in the bucket as she continued to scrub the floor. The boy groaned louder at Nene’s response and held on tighter as if trying to restrict her movements.

“But what about me, Yashiro? Are you just gonna abandon me and go off on your own??”

The girl sighed, furrowing her eyebrows at Hanako’s childish behaviors. Then again, he was always like that, wasn’t he? “Hanako-kun, you don’t need to be so dramatic! It’s only going to be for three days-”

“Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then the weekend! I’m not going to be seeing you for five whole days in a row!” Hanako’s shoulders drooped as he released his hold on Nene. Nene sighed in relief and massaged her sore neck.

“Yashiro!�� he whined, grabbing the mop and trying to pry it from Nene’s hands, “You can still rethink your decision!”

Yashiro squealed as she held on to the mop. “I’m not going to! You’ve survived without me before, Hanako-kun! And I’ve already paid for it and everything! I don’t know why you’re so insistent on me staying here!”

Hanako released his grip on the mop, tilting his hat so it would cover his eyes. “I see, Yashiro. If that’s what you want.”

Yashiro frowned as her heart twinged. She didn’t mean to hurt the boy’s feelings. Or maybe he was trying to guilt-trip her, like the time he used the fake tears? Hmph, she wouldn’t be fooled! (She was.)

>the next day

“Why not?”

“What?! No way! I came here to get you to stop me, Tsuchigomori-sensei!”

“I mean, the trip isn’t mandatory. It’s for pleasure only. I see nothing wrong with skipping it. And I could also refund your money as well.”

“Listen, I don’t know what to do!”

“What a pain… Did you ask Honorable Number Seven about it?”

“Yes, of course! He knows about it and he wants me to stay at school! But I don’t know anything about him! He never even told me about his past, and I never know what’s going on in that head of his. He’s hugging me one minute, and the next he’s cruelly making me clean toilets!” Nene sighed, pursing her lips at her outburst. “Clearly he doesn’t trust me… so I don’t know why he’s so desperate for me to stay with him…”

Tsuchigomori sighed, puffing out smoke from his pipe.

“You know kid, he’s been a lot happier ever since you came around.”

“Eh?”

“You should have seen him before. Always moping around in the stall and complaining about how boring it was around here.”

“And?”

“And now it’s the complete opposite. He doesn’t say it, but you made a huge impact on him, kid. Maybe he doesn’t tell you some things, but I believe that’s because he wants to protect you.”

“I-I see.”

“But don’t mind my rambling. Who knows, I might be completely wrong. You are too soft on the boy anyway.” Tsuchigomori guffawed as a tick mark appeared on Nene’s forehead.

“Don’t think too deep into it kid. Just make sure you don’t regret it.”

Nene sighed as she played with the ends of her hair. What would she do? No, she already knew what she was going to do.

>the next day

Hanako sighed, looking out the window, seeing other the trees shake in the wind instead of the usual commotion outside. The school was eerily empty because almost everyone had gone on the trip. Yashiro included. His eyes drooped as he stared as his tingly hands. The hands that would playfully squish her cheeks, the hands that would hold onto her as if she would disappear from his grasp. Her warm, warm body…

Hanako blinked and suddenly snapped out of his daze. Yashiro was right. Yashiro didn’t need to stay here with him. She was human. She was alive. She should be enjoying her life instead of staying here with him. But he sighed as he slumped into the wall, closing his eyes, taking in the silence. It will be quite lonely for a few days. Or so he thought.

“HANAKO-KUN!!!”

Hanako bolted upright as if electricity struck him. The Mokke lying around him were up and about as well, spouting but one word.

“Yashiro.”

“Yashiro!”

“It’s Yashiro.”

Hanako rubbed his eyes as he strained his ears, wondering if he was hearing right.

“Jeez, Hanako-kun! You can look at me already!”

The ghost almost comically turned his neck around slowly, eyes widening as he gulped. Much to his surprise, it was her. Yashiro Nene in the flesh, lip jutting out as she pouted, hands on her hips, a bag at her daikon legs.

“Y-Yashiro? Why are you here-?”

“The real question is why you’re sitting here being all mopey! I thought you knew how to exist without me?” she huffed as she grabbed the bag at her feet.

Hanako, still in a shocked daze, floated over to her, pointing a finger at the bag. “And that is…?”

The girl slightly blushed. “I brought for you… I mean I brought it so I wouldn’t be bored staying at school!”

“Staying… at school? What about the trip?”

Nene sighed, staring at her feet and then glancing up at the curious boy. She gently tugged on his sleeve, ushering him closer to her.

“I… I decided not to go. I wanted to stay with you Hanako-kun… even though you can be really annoying sometimes. But… I think you’re good company.”

The boy blushed as he stared at the floor as well. His heart pounded in his chest at Nene’s words and he could feel her soft skin brushing against the palm of his hand. Hanako tried to compose himself, but he could barely bring himself to say anything. Nene squirmed in the awkward silence and tried to break it. Pulling her hand away, much to Hanako’s regret, she spoke.

“A-Anyway! I brought this so we can play together!” Nene quickly threw the bag to the side and pulled out a colorful box that read the word “MONOPOLY” in big letters.

“Moh-noh-poly?’

“No, it’s Mah-nah-poly!” Nene said trying to sound out the letters as best as possible. She giggled. “I’m surprised you don’t know this game, Hanako-kun!” Nene dropped to her legs and removed the cover of the box. Hanako followed, squatting down to peer at the game, his heart feeling touched and all tingly.

She unfolded the board and dumped the figures onto it. Hanako watched on curiously, as she squinted and counted what seemed to be like fake money.

“Here, Hanako-kun!”

Fake dollar bills landed in his hands as well as a small figurine as he closely inspected them. “The game is quite simple, Hanako-kun. You just have to walk around the board by rolling the dice and try to buy some buildings and stuff like that!”

“So… it’s kind of like a game of luck?”

The girl pressed a finger to her lips as she gazed upwards in thought. “Hmm, I guess you can say that too!”

Too cute, Hanako thought.

Hanako kept getting screwed over because every time he rolled the dice he always managed to land on something bad. The first time he landed on the “Jail” spot and had no idea until Nene started laughing at him and explained what it meant. He was not happy. Then he landed on one of her properties and had to pay rent, making him go broke. Hanako ends up going bankrupt quite a few times simply because he’s like?? Wtf is going on???

But uhh he gets used to it really fast. Like he actually gets really good at it. It’s almost scary how good he is at this kind of stuff when he’s serious. When he understands the rules and stuff he starts making Nene suffer by making her go into debt and buying all of her stuff. And Nene is literally devastated. She thought wow haha I’m actually better than Hanako-kun at this! Time to show him whose boss! Well, that only lasted for like fifteen minutes because soon enough Hanako was whooping her at Monopoly.

Yashiro ends up having to eat lunch at one point, luckily she packed her own lunch today. But alas, Hanako kept bugging her to get a bite of her cooking.

An irk mark appeared on the girl’s forehead as her clothes were being tugged on by a certain ghost.

“Yashiroooo! You know I haven’t eaten in years…” Hanako whispered in Nene’s ear, mimicking the sound of a stomach grumbling as he nudged his cheek with hers. She cringed, shoveling a portion of food into his mouth so he could shut up. Hanako nearly choked as he hit his chest in an effort to swallow it.

“Are you happy now you idiot?” she huffed, stuffing her face with food as well.

It was actually pretty darn good, Hanako thought.

>the next day

Hanako eagerly floated around the girl’s bathroom waiting for the dual-colored hair girl. He had, quite indeed, grown fond of her, no, more than fond, whatever word that was. The naive girl who hopelessly pines after guys, the same one who managed to become a fish, the one with the adorable squishy cheeks he wished would look at him instead-

“Hanako-kun!!!”

The call of his name made him jump was again and before him was a pouty Yashiro.

“I’ve called your name like ten times, Hanako-kun!”

The boy blinked at her and a mischievous smile appeared on his face as he floated down to her level and placed both hands on her cheeks.

“Hmm… I was just thinking about a special someone ♡.”

She blushed as she swatted his hand away. H-Hanako-kun’s girlfriend! That’s who he must be thinking about!

“So what do ya got there today, Yashiro?”

“U-Uh! Oh yeah! The cards!” She smiled as she plopped down on the floor, taking a deck of cards out of the small box.

“Cards?” Hanako’s interest was piqued.

“Yeah! Have you ever played Uno, Hanako-kun?

“Un-oh?”

“Ooh-no,” she corrected, patting the space across from her, inviting Hanako to sit.

“It’s really simple! You can place a card that has the same color or number as the one on top of the pile, and if you don’t have one you pick up. And you have to say ‘Uno!’ when you place your second to the last card-”

“So basically like Crazy 8?”

“You can say that. But there’s color in Uno!”

Nene got absolutely destroyed in Uno. That’s all that happened. I don’t know if y’all have noticed but Hanako tends to play cards with the Mokke pretty often. And he’s always calm and collected WHICH MEANS HE’S LIKE A MASTER AT CARD GAMES. That is what happens and no one is going to stop him from stomping. He drops so many +2 and +4 cards that Nene has practically the whole deck in her hand. He wins every single time. Nene probably gets a bit pouty at this because she’s like how??? This boomer literally just learned about the game like five minutes ago and?? He’s already kicking my ass at it??

Hanako may or may not lighten up his game if he sees Yashiro get upset but you know. He freaking loves doesn’t really want to see Yashiro sad. So he purposely lets the girl win because he honestly went 🥺when he saw her cheering and throwing her arms in the arm, celebrating.

>the next day

“Sorry, Hanako-kun… I don’t have a new game today…”

Hanako merely smiled as he tugged on her cheeks, turning her frown into a smile. “It’s-”

“That’s why I made this!” The girl grinned as she held a bag high in the air for both of them to gaze upon.

“D-donuts!” Hanako’s face immediately glowed at the sight of the beautifully glazed donuts as he tried to grab them. Nene moved them out of the way as Hanako whined.

“Let’s go to the roof instead, Hanako-kun!”

“Finally, I can eat delicious donuts again!” Hanako cheered as he twirled around, holding the bag in the air.

The girl watched in amusement, settling down on the sheet as she poured tea into a cup. “Still a donut loving ghost, I see,” she giggled as she watched the boy scarf down the pastry. The boy sat down next to her, mouth full.

“Wow, thaft’s somfe real goof dofnuts!” he sighed with content, discarding the bag.

“Hanako-kun, that was for the both of us!” she frowned, peering at the bag. “Plus it’s not good for you to eat so quickly!” she scolded.

Hanako simply smiled at her, crumbs near his lips.

Nene’s eyes softened as she stared at the boy. “You’ve got some crumbs here, Hanako-kun,” she spoke softly, taking her thumb and brushing the crumbs off of his face. Hanako went red as he froze. Noticing his face becoming hot, she glanced at him to see how red he was. Then Nene realized what she was doing.

“Um! I-I was only helping you as a friend of course! You’re totally not my type!” she squealed, face burning as she tried to pull her hand away. But a hand gently caught her arm.

Hanako’s gaze was on the floor, his cheeks red. “Yashiro… these few days have been fun with you. And… and I’m glad you decided to stay with me,” he paused, unsure of how to phrase his words. “It’s been lonely-”

Nene tugged on his arm, smiling at him, not wanting feel like he was being forced to say anything. “Actually Hanako-kun… I’m glad I stayed too.”

“Yashiro… can I ask why you stayed with me?

“Well, because I like you, Hanako-kun!”

…

“As a friend of course! Nothing more!!”

“You’ve said that already, Yashiro…”

“I don’t think the trip would have been too much fun anyway. I had lots of fun with you though!”

Hanako smiled at her words, cherishing the moment. He placed the palm of his hand on hers, and then slowly intertwined his fingers with hers. The girl didn’t protest and instead squeezed his hand, brushing her thumb over his.

How both of them wished this moment would last forever.

Hanako x Yashiro Nene (Hananene) Relationship HCS

If Hanako was alive, they would be the cutest couple in the school! It was actually a shock to most people that they started dating. Yes, Hanako would tease Yashiro on a daily basis but no one thought he was genuinely serious about a relationship with the girl. These two clowns love each very much though, everyone can see that! Now that they’re in an established relationship, Nene becomes more lenient on Hanako’s constant affection, which has increased a huge amount. Hanako is literally around Nene at all times, he won’t directly say it but he cannot bear to not be around this girl. He’s been alone and touch starved for so long, but now he finally has human contact that just fills his heart up with warmth. So yea whenever Nene is not around he’s just like :(.

Also one thing. You know how he calls her Yashiro? Well not anymore! “Nene-chan” time! Hanako never fails to fluster her when he says her first name, especially with the ‘chan’ part. But Nene gets her fair share of making Hanako blush as well. It’s mostly the little things Nene does that touches Hanako’s heart. Maybe it’s making donuts for him, or comforting him after a confrontation with Tsukasa. And whenever the daikon girl initiates affection first, he always gets a little flustered! And then he would tease her for becoming bold. He must be rubbing off on her.

Hanako is always there with her during class. So Nene becomes known as the girl who talks to thin air on a daily basis. She becomes a bit depressed at this but her boyfriend 100 percent cheers her up! The real problem is when Hanako has to be by himself on the weekends. Now that part crushed both of their heart’s especially Hanako’s. He has to wait in the empty school by himself, with only Mokke to keep him company. He knows he shouldn’t feel this way but he’s jealous. Jealous of everyone who can leave this damn building. How he just wants to leave but he can’t step foot out of the school. How he just wants Nene to be by his side forever.

Definitely nerds out with Nene about space and whatnot. He just never had anyone who would willingly listen to him ramble about space! And even though Nene may not understand half of it, she’ll always listen and nod her head. She thinks it’s cute when his eyes get all glowy and excited when he’s talking about something he likes. One of her favorite things to do is to just hold the boy’s hand. His hand is cold, unlike her warm one. But she tries her darn best to transmit her warmth to his body. Why? Because she freaking loves Hanako.

Even though Hanako is so touchy-feely he doesn’t say the words “I love you” quite as often. He’s just a lot better at expressing his feelings through actions than words. Plus he gets insanely flustered and red whenever he says the words, even more when Nene is the one to say it.

Hanako deeply cherishes Nene despite teasing her so often. The fact a murderer like him was able to find love is just, well, astonishing to him. Hanako loves her though, and he will do anything to keep her alive. He always knew that ghosts didn’t have a future but… perhaps with Nene by his side, his one didn’t look so dim anymore.

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onyourzeus · 4 years

Text

• stress-free | kwp

ykcyj ➝ arskyh

title: stress-free pairing: kim wonpil (of day6) & you (she/her pronouns) genre: FLUFF, college!au words: 3.4k

author’s note: @pirimiritiddy requested a fic about wonpil, and here it is. it went on for longer than i previously planned, buuuuut. i hope it’s still okay aaaa

(this is the 1st time i’ve written something for wonpil so if i get his personality wrong, i do apologize. i am also a baby myday huhu)

this dot fic (bullet style) is part of the falling asleep on the bus scenario that i intend to write for each day6 member. check out the others: dowoon (currently only 2/5 completed)

any requests? check my pinned post if i’m accepting any at the moment, thanks!

wonpil hates his schedule for this winter term

who assigns a class that is only available at seven in the evening??

3 times a week

during THE WINTER

did he mention it’s a major lecture he’s required to take??

psychology of stress, more like

this class is giving him the kind of stress it is specifically warning its students about

anyway, what can he say. he chose this major, there’s only 1 more term after this one and then finally: graduation

it’ll be fine, he’ll live

thank the heavens they didn’t need to attend the first two meetings, but some reading material was provided

and was expected by the professor to have been read and reflected upon

the class is really living up to its name because when wonpil opened the pdf

it was 30 pages of tiny font sized sentences (for ants!) about the definition of stress and how it affects every part of the body yada yada yada

wonpil tried. he really tried

that is to say he fell asleep on his desk while going over the same 20th page of the document

if it weren’t for jae shaking him awake, he’d miss his first night class

it would’ve been nice… if only the professor didn’t take attendance (something about being generous enough to make the first 2 classes “free,” so everyone has an obligation to come in for the remainder of the semester)

great, he’s stuck freezing his ass off just walking to the bus stop alone

hopefully they turn the heater all the way up in the auditorium or else

the thousands spent in tuition would have literally been for nothing

overdramatic wonpil, can you blame him

he thinks about reading the remaining 10 pages on the bus, even if he knows nothing of value will be absorbed

he wants to tries anyway, he does feel a little bit refreshed from that impromptu nap

the bus has arrived, and it’s packed as usual; a lot of the students riding the shuttle are just yet to take off in the following stops

wonpil squeezes his way inside, 30 pages of stress psychology research gripped in both hands

“excuse me, sorry,” wonpil mumbles, eyeing for a spot to sit to make him comfortable

because once all the people standing up leave, it’s usually a race for the exit

he’ll never understand college students

finally, he sees an empty seat way in the back. there was a girl on one end and two other students who seem to be ready to get off on the right side

wonpil doesn’t mind sitting next to someone, but once those 2 are gone he’ll just scoot over to give the girl on the left some privacy

she seems very much in deep sleep anyway, wonpil wonders if her stop is coming or she’s riding to go to campus?

wonpil doesn’t have time to think about other people, it causes him unnecessary stress

once sat down, his eyes focus on the last page he left off of

the words register as gibberish in his brain, and with the bus moving so much it makes it even more difficult to follow along the paragraphs

wonpil takes in a deep breath, holds it in, and sighs very heavily

his patience is usually the best out of his friends, but this class is turning more and more into the psychology of how to get you stressed tf out instead

the bus nears its next stop, and the two people on his side stand up to leave, yes he can breathe normal air

however

hold on

his shoulder feels heavy

turning his head slightly, for some reason once the bus had stopped its engine the girl’s head had flipped over to lean against wonpil’s shoulder instead

oh no oh no oh no

his shoulders suddenly freeze, as if blasted with a ray gun filled with ice

it’s heavy and he can’t move, it’s numb and this girl’s hair is splayed all over his his sweater

and she

she smells of coffee, and wonpil inhales it in

it’s not foul or anything, but it’s definitely exuding notes of espresso bean and freshly roasted coffee

it makes wonpil feel a little more awake

but he still can’t move his shoulders, and suddenly he’s panicking because the bus started moving again and even though capacity has lessened by 80%

someone decided to sit on the other end of the row he’s at

so if he even attempts to move, he’ll still be seated next to someone

wonpil grumbles, lower lip jutting forward

something shifts

and he realizes he shook his shoulders a little bit with his frustration

“ah…” he exclaims inaudibly, panicking at the possibility that he had woken her up from her nap

wonpil tenses up, shoulders stiff and eyes peering at his side to see what she’s up to

she lifts her head just a few inches off of wonpil’s shoulder, and for a moment he’s relieved that maybe she realizes what’s going on

but wonpil only hears a soft yawn coming from her, and she returns to using his very rigid shoulder as her pillow during this bus ride

let’s just say that the next thirteen minutes was more stress-inducing than wonpil wanted it to be

right when the bus reaches the final stop (main campus), wonpil exerts any and all efforts he has to shake his shoulder, up and down, enough to elicit an awake response from this stranger

the moment he feels her let up, wonpil dashes through that bus door like there’s no tomorrow

he is greeted with the coldest wind hitting his face, and his shoulder feeling numb from all the.. pillow roleplaying it did, if you will

wonpil feels bad, borderline guilty for leaving her like that— what if she’s asleep until now?? he can almost hear soft snores from her end for a minute there, too, and it took so much of wonpil to resist chuckling at it while in panic mode simultaneously

suffice to say, he was not able to read the rest of the document

in wonpil’s defense, he had encountered it first hand — how stress overcomes one’s body and mind

he forces himself to focus on what’s ahead, as boring as it sounds

he enters the lecture hall with a few minutes so spare, deciding to sit in the back

the projector screens are big and wonpil is not about to take his chances of getting called on today

luckily enough, he finds a row with visibly no other student sitting around the area

shoulder feeling more alive, he comes back to his senses as well

he takes off his outer sweater as it had become toastier inside. he still had a couple layers beneath his clothes

as the professor starts talking, wonpil finds himself yawning a few times

he doesn’t know if the video playing on screen is boring him or the girl in the bus affected his sleepiness

suddenly he remembers the smell of coffee, and how that’d sound real good right about now

he slaps both of his cheeks lightly, trying to take him back in the zone of at least writing down important notes

he’s on the fifth bullet point of his note-taking when the door behind him opens abruptly

it wasn’t loud or disrupting to the whole class, virtually no one even batted an eye

but thats because they’re far from the door

and wonpil is literally ten feet away, so when he feels the cold suddenly hit his back he had to know the source of the sudden hit in temperature

the class hadn’t been going on for less than an hour, and there have been students coming in on the other end of the auditorium

so wonpil isn’t that surprised that another student has just arrived

he caught a glimpse of her hair, but that’s about it as wonpil goes back to his tedious notes

until the very same person scoots herself in wonpil’s row

he huffs under his breath, the illusion of some privacy now shattered

with a polite (semi-forced) smile, wonpil turns to the side to greet his classmate

again, wonpil becomes frozen in spot

kind of like when you feel a magnetic pull somewhere, you follow it

and then suddenly you see it from afar, not believing your eyes if it’s actually real; if it’s actually there

in wonpil’s case, he’s one seat away from her

recognizing the flow of her hair, but more importantly

that distinct scent of coffee beans from her clothes

this time, wonpil has a clear look on her face and he’s… speechless

his polite smile has turned into a look of awe, eyes glued towards her

she senses his gaze, turns to him and quickly bows down as a polite greeting

“sorry, but has the class been going on for a while?”

she speaks

“oh, um, what— what?”

“oh,” she looks confused, but rephrases her question, “what time did the class start? i had a hard time finding this lecture hall.”

she’s talking to him, not just leaning her head on his shoulder

“seven”

was all wonpil could say

“it started at 7? cool, i’m not that late then!” she cheers, grinning shyly. wonpil watches the way she puts a strand of hair tucked beneath her ear. she’s pulling out her laptop from her bag when she notices a pair of wide eyes still on her person

“is… is this seat taken?” she asks, and wonpil hasn’t even taken in the fact that this is the same person from the bus

“yes”

tongue-tied wonpil strikes again, blinking back his own obliviousness to her question

“i mean— no, now it is, by you. you’re sitting there, um, i— feel free to sit wherever you want”

he’s scrambling for his words, flustered cheeks heating up amidst the warmth of the room

she just nods her head in understanding, and wonpil finally realizes he’s been staring at her direction for longer than he should have

“STRESS”

the professor verbalized into her mic which causes wonpil to look to the front all of a sudden

right, right. he’s at a lecture. what’s gotten him so fidgety and embarrassed and now all that he’s pretending to type on his google doc is

sdfjfjdfhshllsghgjghsh

just so he looks busy next to the girl who fell asleep on him on the bus

was there any point in preoccupying his mind with thoughts of her, and her head resting on him? no it’s stupid, wonpil knows this.

people do it all the time, by accident, due to exhaustion, they don’t mean a thing by it

but wonpil is curious, and this is going to kill him. for sure

so he peeks at her again, and like a normal, decent student that she is (compared to wonpil at this point let’s be real) her hands are busy hand writing whatever the professor was saying

meanwhile, wonpil continues to sdfjskgnglddfjs his way to a passing B in this class

even in this large, spacious lecture hall he can still take in her scent

maybe it’s a new perfume that’s up and coming, that’s why it smells so strongly on her

oh! he can ask that? hey, do you mind sharing what line of perfume you’re using? it smells really good

it sounds like a common question, right? i mean if you wear strong fragrances you’re bound to be asked a question about it

he’s about to ask, he really was so ready to ask, what was he gonna lose? his dignity?

over a simple, inquisitive question?

“and now before we go on a twenty minute break, it’s time to introduce yourself to the person sitting close to you”

...

why do college professors have to do this?

wonpil bites his lip, at this point in time he’s a senior who’s fed up with ice breakers like this. if it were any other person sitting next to him, in front of him, behind him— he would just go with his usual introduction

“hi i’m kim wonpil, studying psychology and i graduate in the spring. i’m taking this class for a major requirement”

then go about his merry way.

but with her? she and him have history

sort of, and it’s the kind of history that is recent and wonpil is unsure if she is even aware of the weird string of fate-like connection they have

or, wonpil, hear your consciousness out

it’s not a big deal, and in the scenario she doesn’t remember she fell asleep on the bus on another person

then you can just say hi like usual, and cut the string of fate there and then

(but does wonpil really want that?)

“hi”

oh crap she’s started it

wonpil braces himself for whatever outcome this interaction comes out to. he’ll let her speak, and tailor his response from there

“i’m sorry, this might be really weird but that’s your sweater, right?”

so she didn’t give her name, her major, anything substantial about herself but instead shoots wonpil a question

pointing at the sweater that’s draped on the seat in front of wonpil

wonpil doesn’t even check to look. he gulps, nods his head and squeaks, “yeah… why?”

something in her eyes flash by, almost like a glint of recognition

she puts a hand on her mouth, and wonpil can make out the faintest shade of pink blushing its way to her ears

it’s kinda cute

“did someone happen to… fall asleep on you on the bus coming to campus today?”

“... yes?”

“that was me” she buries her face even further into her hands, almost lowering down to the chair

wonpil thought she was gonna fall for some reason so he had to remedy the situation somewhat

“i.. i, um, did you have a good nap?”

great comeback

wonpil was so ready to leave the auditorium and never come back after the break

but he hears her giggle, and slowly come out of her shyness

and it’s a sweet sight, to finally see the way her cheeks look full of embarrassed laughter

as she twirls around a length of hair nervously

and taps the pen on the surface of her desk repeatedly

it was endearing, and wonpil forgets about why he was panicking in the first place

she then explains that she had work the whole day, and only had an hour to rest up before going to this 7pm class

wonpil listens intently, watching her mannerisms and the lilt in her voice when she continues to apologize for falling asleep on him without realizing it

“i’m not usually a deep sleeper, but work was exceptionally tiring today and i just needed at least a bit of shut eye” wonpil nods understandingly, almost worried about her health

“where do you work if you don’t mind me asking?”

“at the coffee shop a few blocks away from campus,” she answers, head tilting to the side “i’m still wearing my uniform for it… is it too obvious?”

wonpil didn’t even realize her black long sleeves was a cafe uniform

but it did explain her strong coffee smell

“something like that,” wonpil decided to say, curling his lips upward, feeling content and relieved at the turnout of events

for the 20 minute break, wonpil thought they’d reconcile over what transpired between them and mind their own business soon enough— even if he thinks it’s hard to do that now knowing something about her

which intrigues wonpil

and, quite frankly, he’d like to talk to her more

just so he has an excuse to watch her emotions paint her face beautifully

but there was a pause right after their short conversation

and in real Awkward Wonpil Fashion, he shows her the 30 page reading material, in all of its flimsy glory and starts asking questions about it

“so uh did you read the whole thing? i thought it was interesting up until the part that i dozed off”

and wonpil got his wish; he sees her eyes shine in surprise at his sudden attempt of an intellectual discussion

but she doesn’t deter him away

and actually, she’s read the whole damn thing. and wonpil was beyond amazed at the level of detail she explains to him about the parts he didn’t understand

he actually starts typing real notes while she was talking

this made her laugh in between her explanations, and wonpil didn’t understand what was so funny about

the fight or flight response

“it’s just. the way you’re typing this down so seriously, i’m sure the prof can explain it better”

wonpil shakes his head no, shakes it so much it hurt his temples

she laughs again, and he likes hearing that sound

“do you want to see what i’ve typed the past hour and a half of this class?’

“bet :p”

“actually nevermind” flashbacks of dsfkjsdjffdslkg ring true in wonpil’s mind as he quickly backspaces the nonsense in his notes

and the conversation continues from more psychology talks, to figuring out they’re in the same major but she’s a recent transfer student from last year

and had been juggling work and school since the start of her senior year

wonpil wonders why he hasn’t seen her in the coffee shop yet

he would have done a double take the first time meeting her there for sure

“oh you’re too kind,” she suddenly replies???

wonpil had said his thoughts out loud

without further embarrassing him, she says that she had only started working there since it’s more convenient for her; wonpil feels grateful she doesn’t dwell on the compliment any longer

alas, the break finishes and the droll of the professor’s voice reverberates throughout the room

this time, though, wonpil definitely feels more alert (awake enthusiastic) as the two of them exchange little comments about the class material

and before you know it, class is over and wonpil is an excited bunny. since they’re by the door they got to leave before everyone else

wonpil thinks it’s time to part ways… but this time they’re not fully strangers at all. they’re taking the same class, same major, they even know each other’s name.

surely this isn’t the last time, right?

“hey, wonpil…” he didn’t even realize that they have started walking towards the bus stop together

“hm?”

“i think i owe you one,” she starts, stopping her tracks to face him. eyebrows up in hesitation, wonpil waits for her to finish

“you know, for taking over your personal space for my own comfort”

“oh that? haha that’s nothing :)” honestly if wonpil can do it again he’d volunteer in a heartbeat

“no, really. let me make it up to you. coffee? on me? i make a mean cappuccino” she winks

it strikes through wonpil’s heart

no need for resuscitation.. yet

“or a matcha latte? whatever you’d like it’ll be on me”

“anything!” wonpil exclaims, suddenly realizing the offer being given to him, the excitement bubbling up inside him again. “i mean, anything you’d like to have me try. surprise me,” he corrects himself

that manages to have her grin widely, eyes twinkling in excitement similar to wonpil’s and he thinks

they can get along

they can get to know each other better this way

“would you be up to go for one now?”

“oh— oh! now?”

“yeah, that way none of us takes the risk of falling asleep back on the bus hehe”

well, he really wouldn’t mind that happening a second time

“really now, wonpil?”

andddd he exposed himself again

it’s fine, she tugs his hand slightly to lead him to the bus that has arrived and wonpil follows in a daze

it’s a little full, so they have no other choice but to stand and hold onto the railings above

“guess no falling asleep here…” she teases, and now wonpil can’t use his hands to hide his blushing face

but the feeling of her just close by

and the scent of coffee lingering in the air

in between them

just inches away from each other

it’ll do for now

#day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 au #kim wonpil scenarios #kim wonpil imagines #kim wonpil x reader #day6 fic #dot series #by:jiae

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