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authorluvgxbby · 2 years

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Hello! Can I request for some headcanons for the tr boys as what type of partner are they in a group project? (If you can sneak in sum romance that would be nice hehe) Thanks in advance and have a good day! (｡♡‿♡｡)

A/N: heyyy luv, thank you so much for the request! Here's some headcanons of tokyo revengers boys as what type of partner they are in a group project. I hope you like it, enjoy!

Characters: Mikey, Draken, Baji, Chifuyu, Nahoya

Mikey

He would be the type to sleep throughout the whole class and then when he gets paired with you, he’d ask you to re-explain what the teacher was talking about for the project.

He’d most likely be assigned a history project with you.

Right off the bat, Mikey made it clear that he wasn't going to help with the project at all due to his utmost hatred for history. So, you decided you had no choice but to drag him to the library with you everyday after school. And, as a result, Mikey would ditch school early so he'd get out of having to go with you.

When Draken caught wind of why Mikey was ditching school so early, he would drag his short ass back and make him go with you because he felt sorry that you were dealing with his childish behavior.

As expected, you ended up being stuck doing most of the work while he entertained himself with asking you a bunch of pointless questions as to what you were doing (he would eventually get bored from the project and became more curious to ask questions about you).

Despite getting stuck with all the work, you worried about him getting a bad grade, so you decided to exploit bribe the little slacker with the promise of Taikyaki. If he didn’t follow through with the promise of doing at least some sort of work, you had threatened to throw the tasty treat out or eat it right in front of him. “Ok, ok, ok! I’ll help! Please don’t do this- 🥲”.

He was the type of partner to get historical dates and events mixed up and you'd have to explain the order of what came first and what not. Meanwhile he'd sneak a few glances your way, not even listening to your explanation.

Whenever you guys would take a break from working, you’d accidentally fall asleep and Mikey would gently poke at your cheek to wake you up, but would end up just silently watching you sleep before dozing off next to you.

If you two were working with other members, I feel that he would get a little possessive of you overtime and try to do everything in his power to keep your attention on him, even if it meant getting on your nerves or sabotaging the whole project.

Draken

The two of you would be working on a literature project.

He’s the type of partner that won’t say anything unless you say something to him first.

He’s the kind of partner that will roll with whatever you have planned for the project. If you two are working in a group with other members, he’d just listen and agree with what you guys suggest since he doesn’t have much to contribute.

He has a pretty good idea of what is going on as apposed to how to start things off, so he usually turns to you for help.

If you are too shy or nervous to ask the teacher questions, he’ll be happy to do it for you (idk why but I feel like most literature teachers are so strict or intimidating).

When you both are working, he makes sure that you take breaks because he doesn’t want you to overwork yourself.

During breaks he’ll go out to a nearby store and bring back food for the two of you to eat (he’ll mainly do this if he noticed you haven’t been eating much too) and if you refuse, he’ll insist that you at least take a bite of something or he’ll simply feed you himself.

When you would be so engrossed on practicing to present the project, he would watch you with a small smile and after you were done he’d ask you to do it again and make up a random excuse just so he can listen to you talk.

If you are particularly fond about a certain topic he’ll ask questions he knows the answers to just so he can egg you on and watch your face light up as you ramble about what you plan to do for the project’s topic.

Baji

Poor boy had gotten a math project after just the first week of school 😭

Baji is the type of partner that is known to be the weakest link if (especially working in a bigger group) and when you got paired with him, you instantly wanted to change partners, but he begged you to be his partner not just for his sake but for his mother’s as well since he couldn't afford to fail another class.

You decided stick with him and just give him easier parts to work on so if he were to somehow screw something up, it would be easy to fix later.

When you guys took a break for lunch after working on the project, you saw Baji light a car on fire while eating yakisoba. Ever since then, you’ve made it a habit to always carry food in your bag so he won’t do it again.

Baji is the type of partner that gets moody when he doesn’t understand what’s going on or how to fix something, so when he gets like that it is up to you to help him. If you worked with other group members, I feel like they'd be too scared to help him when he throws a tantrum so they'd come to you to help calm him down.

He secretly loves it when you help him fix a problem or mistake, especially when you go so far as to physically guide him in some way. Most of the time, he’d mess up on purpose or throw a tantrum just so he can relish in the extra help and attention you are giving him.

When he sees other classmates trying to sabotage your hard work, best believe he’s breaking at least a few bones.

Chifuyu

The both of you would be working on an anatomy/lab project.

He’s the type of partner that would wait until class was over so he could give you an excuse to exchange numbers for “project related purposes”.

He would be suprisingly good with writing reports and labs, while you dissected stuff.

He was definitely the partner that gagged as he watched you cut the specimen open.

If both of you didn’t want to dissect the specimen, you guys would settle for rock, paper, scissors as to who has to cut it open.

Chifuyu loves animals, so as he watches you dissect the specimen all he can think about is Pete J. (When he goes home he cries while hugging Peke J.)

He would find your fascination with dissection creepy, but he’d find it cute if it meant seeing you happy and excited.

I feel like he’d be the type to complain to the teacher why you guys got a 95 instead of a perfect score.

Nahoya (Smiley)

You two would be assigned partners for a chemistry project/lab.

Throughout the whole project he would flirt with you and tease you with cheesy puns and pick up lines.

“It’s obvious we have great chemistry together, that’s why we were assigned as partners, don’t ya think?”.

Always complained that you were too uptight and needed to let loose.

When you stressed so much over the deadline or that you might’ve missed a step in the instructions, he’d comfort you by making jokes and keep up a positive mindset to not not worry over small things.

When you had invited him to work on the project reports in the library, he had been staring at you for the past hour with smirk on his face, completely uninterested in working. When you had finally met his gaze he said, “Don’t mind me, I’m just enjoying’ the view~”. (he teased you for the rest of the day and both of you had gotten nothing done afterwards).

If you two had an extra member added to your group, he’d get jealous and fight with the newcomer over your attention behind your back.

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bakugohoex · 3 years

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If I may, could I request something with the reader being Erwin's little sibling, and Levi (who's also like an older sibling to them) has to tell them what happened in Shiganshina. Just some platonic angst...

“l…levi this is some sort of joke, it has to be”

pairing: platonic!levi ackerman x platonic!female reader

cw: platonic!, mentions of death, mentions of blood, angst and language

word count: 2600+

a/n: i could’ve made it more angsty i think idk i’m not really that good at angst tbh

summary: in which you find out your adopted older brother died in shiganshina by levi, who offers you support and comfort in your crying need

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist

The arrival of the scouts was supposed to be a joyous occasion, it was supposed to be of happiness of regaining Wall Maria. The laughter’s and cheers as Hanji spoke of the re-capture to the crowd as they passed by. Their numbers had dwindled, that was the first thing you noticed through the window in Trost. It looked like there was only a small number of individuals left and your brother had not been one of them.

Growing up in the underground you had met with Erwin’s father when you tried to steal his wallet. It hadn’t worked but he took pity of the small frail child, the way dirt covered your face, and your dull eyes gave him nothing. You remembered him grabbing your frail body and keeping you on his hip, you were only five or six, but he kept a hold of you. That’s when you left, left the horrors of murder and theft from underground and had a home. Erwin’s father had been sweet and more so his son who was only a couple years older had taken you in as his own sister.

It had been a tough life in the underground but even worse the horrors that occurred up above were much more than you had ever expected. The theories of what was beyond the walls and the death of Erwin’s father had struck to both of you. Whilst the boy you called home joined the Survey Corps you were left at home, to run around and live a normal life. You know what he had wanted, Erwin wanted you to be safe and not fight, he knew you had the ability, but the threat of your death was something he never wanted to consider.

The wind blew through your hair and you could smell the freshly baked bread through the wind. You tried to find Erwin among the crowd, wanting to congratulate him on the success but his lack of presence gave you an uneasy feeling. The repetition through your head that he was somewhere else, he’d gone into Wall Sheena, that he was telling others of the success. Your palm pressed firmly against the window as you looked out eagerly was mess with the tap across the door.

Instantly turning you let out a come in watching as Levi’s figure fell through the door. He was still in his survey corps gear and you smiled at him but the way he looked, the even more emotionless look he had made your stomach flip. “I can’t believe we re-gained maria.”

He looked down not meeting your eyes, he was hesitant to speak, to tell you what had occurred. But the look that you gave him, of hope and happiness how could he break it. How could he tell you your brother was dead.

“Y/n, sit down.” He exclaimed softly, he was trying to be nice, trying to be calmer but he knew once he told you, you’d isolate yourself and sob till your hearts content.

You raised an eyebrow in confusion, following his order as you sat at the chair around the round table. Levi sat across, dropping his gear onto the floor, it was unusual as he was much more careful, but you assumed it was out of excitement. “What’s up? I haven’t seen Erwin yet, where is h…”

“Y/n.” Levi interrupted; he finally met your gaze grabbing your fingers.

You remember the first day Erwin had told you about Levi, Levi the boy who was around the same age as you, he always had the same the glum look. The first time you encountered him was when he had joined the survey corps, you had come to see Erwin and met the boy, he gave the same look that he did too others but he growed to see you as a sister. He was always happy to see you bring little goodies you’d made, always waiting for the days you’d run around the city with him, taking him too new places you’d found out about. He loved you, the grew up without anybody and Kenny having been a deadbeat wasn’t somebody he’d call family. But with you and Erwin he felt at home and now he had to tell you the truth.

“Yes Levi.” You gleamed out; you were happy for humanity you’d regained something you’d never had expected to regain in your own years.

His grip between your fingers tightened, “Erwin, he…he went on the front line with a lot of good men, he risked it all for the chance to get to the basement and re-gain wall maria. Without him Y/n, I don’t think we’d have won this, he had told me how much he loved you, how glad he was to have a sister like you.” Tears had pricked your eyes you knew what was coming but didn’t want to admit it, “I’m sorry Y/n, he died an honourable death for the good of humanity.”

A loud sob escaped your lips, your lips trembled as your face seethed with the salty tears. “L…levi this is some sort of joke, it had to be.” You refused to admit he was dead, refused to grief you were resistant and angry. “He’s not dead, he’s a…alive.” You chocked on your words unable to feel anything. Your whole world had broken, everything you ever had gone, it had felt all like a dream. It was all over now with the true reality of being alone setting in.

You stood up anger filling you through the tears, “he’s alive.” Trying to repeat the sentence into existence was unachievable. You remember your last words to him you better not come back with another arm missing and how he chuckled before passing you a letter in case of something bad happened. You remember discarding the letter in your drawers, he would always come back. He would come back to his sister, he’d be alive and happy, even take you to wall maria himself.

The mirror on the side of the room in an instant got kicked by you leg, the way it fell and shattered under your foot. Sobs engulphed the room, you collapsed to the ground, the shards across your knees. He’s be here, he promised he’d come back, he promised. Levi’s body shifted towards you the three simple words coming from his mouth, “Y/n, I’m sorry.”

His arms around your body as he knelt beside you, moving the shards away as your body fell onto his own. Your eyes blurred with tears and a sadness washed over you, you crumbled into Levi’s rougher body against your weak form. He had seen you fight men ten times the size of you but here you were trembling in his arms. You had broken, you had lost your family and you couldn’t even say a proper goodbye to him. He had died without you there, you hadn’t seen what happened, you didn’t know if there had bene hope for him. You had lost him.

Levi stayed beside you for a while, a tight grip around your body. Hanji had tried to come in but at the sight of you had instructed herself to remove the shards away from your teary-eyed self. She knew you’d talk to her when you could and that being in Levi’s arms, you’d be safe for the time being and not make any rash decisions.

“Y/n…” Levi spoke just as Hanji left to get you some new clothes having blood from where your body had been scathed by the shards.

You didn’t speak but he was aware that you could hear him, “Erwin would want you to fight in his name, to fight for hum…”

“Levi shut up, fuck humanity, he died saving our worthless lives. You think and talk so much about humanity but what has humanity done to us, fucking nothing. He didn’t need to die…he could’ve lived and been here with me, we could’ve been a family. He was supposed to see me have my own family and he was supposed to be there for me. He shouldn’t have died, you said he died an honourable death. He didn’t, he…he died without saying goodbye.” The sobs through each word and tears that flooded your face made Levi realise the true extent of how you were feeling.

Erwin had been your family, closer than family even. He had looked after you when his father had been killed. Protected you even stopped you from joining the Scouts yourself but here you were, the truth evident. You knew your words were lies, Erwin would gladly have rested his life for humanity, but he did it without saying goodbye to you. He did it without letting you have your final moments with him, you were cynical and all you wanted was to be left alone. “Leave Levi.”

“Y/n I…” Interrupting Levi again you stood up at his kneeling body.

“Leave Levi, I wont say it again.” You had the same superiority as your brother had, the same clear attitude and even through the dull bland face you wore. He knew you needed space and time, you watched him leave before letting more sobs come from your eyes.

Moving to the drawers, the letter had been pushed into the drawers filled with papers. You didn’t want to read it, but it was his last letter in this world. It was his last words and you wanted to read it, feel what he had wanted you to feel. Sitting on the bed, you broke the red seal and opened the letter seeing his handwriting through the paper you took a sharp breath as you started to read it.

Dear Y/n,

I assume you’re reading this because I have passed, I don’t know what will come of you afterwards, but I hope you remain the same girl I met all those years ago. I remember my father having telling me about the underground and seeing your ashy face you had always been a lot to take in. But I’m glad, I’m glad you were brought into my family, that you became my little sister who could rely on me.

One of the days in the first week of you staying with us, my father had told me to take you to get some food. You had been unaware of how easy it was to get food and how you didn’t have to ration it out amongst others. You had asked so many questions about the big walls that you had thoughts were as high as castles that you’d been told about in the storybooks my father had been showing you. You were always like that, asking too many questions and learning quickly afterwards, your first day at school you had told me afterwards how you had been ahead of your class. Your face had bene filled with joy and happiness. I’m saying all of this to make you remember how far you’ve come. How you’re a fighter who has a long future ahead, you shouldn’t stay in the city, you should find your own path where you can do everything you have wanted to do since we were younger.

I have three things to tell you, and I hope you keep to these three things. Don’t grieve over me, you were always strong, stronger then most the people in the survey corps so go out there and be happy, go out there and accomplish everything you’ve wanted to do. Go fight for humanity, and I know how you feel about that, I remember your words from last night, how I shouldn’t risk it all for humanity. But I have to save us, I have to get us out of the walls, we’re caged animals who need something more. I hope you begin to realise how important it is to fight for humanity and risk it to survive the titans and past the walls.

Secondly, don’t cry over a dead man. We both knew this day would come and I know how much you’d been putting off even talking to me about this all. But I want you to know that whatever happens you shouldn’t cry. You have ignored me to many times in the years I’ve known you and for once I want you to listen to me because you’re too strong and a fighter to cry over me. I don’t want you to spend weeks alone crying I want you to remember me and take me with you but not feel guilty that you weren’t there to save me. I know what’s going to happen and I want you as my little sister to feel that what I did was honourable because at the heart of me saving humanity was me saving you.

Lastly, I love you, you were always my family and always will be. I want you to move on, have your own family or even just remain with Levi as your family. I just need you to not isolate yourself and think that because I’m gone there’s nothing else for you in this world. Because there is Y/n, you’re important to so many people and I want you to know that I will always call you my home.

Your brother,

E. Smith

Reading out the last line, you felt your tears stop falling a deep sunken breath erupt as you finally felt a lot calmer. He wanted you to be happy, to not be isolated and to not cry and you’d done everything he’d wished again. Your brain was going wild with your thoughts, you knew what you wanted to do. What you had to do and how you needed to see Levi and Hanji as soon as you could.

You ran out of the room passing those who had fought alongside Erwin as you ignored them before you spotted Levi. “Y/n.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

Levi’s face was still dull, but he put his hand to your shoulder making you feel at home. “It’s understandable…you read the letter then.” Levi remembered Erwin having mentioned a letter and here it was still grasped onto by your nimble fingers.

“I did and that’s how I know what I need to do, Erwin he died saving humanity, and I understand that, but I have nothing now except you, I…I want to join the scouts, I did the same cadet training but never joined a faction due to Erwin, I need to do this, in his name, let me…let me join.” You hadn’t met his gaze knowing tears would fall if you did. It was a hefty ask but you had had the training, you remembered it all and you wanted to fight in Erwin’s honour.

Levi signed having expected something like this from you, “Y/n…”

“If that’s truly what you believe is what Erwin would want you to do then you can join.” The voice came from behind you, Hanji stood there as both of you faced her. As the new commander of the scouts she knew Erwin might be angry at this occurring, but you were strong and had the background.

“I want to do this, Erwin spoke so highly of humanity and me, I understand now that there’s more than this world and I want to help, like you said Levi i’m doing this in his name.” It was true you had gone against Erwin’s words many years ago but reading the letter it was the right thing to do you had nobody and joining would give you a cause for being alive. For sticking with Levi, you might have lost Erwin, but you certainly weren’t loosing Levi as well. You’d protect both of you until the very end just as Erwin did, you’d risk your life for the sake of the human race.

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procrastinatorimagines · 4 years

Text

I Want Us Part 1

Fandom: Chicago PD / SVU

Series: I Want Us

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // Part 10 (Final)

Character/s: Reader x Carisi

Warning/s: mentions of kidnapping

Word Count: 2,171

Request: Hi! So, idk if you will be up for writing a kind of crossover, if not it's totally okay. I was thinking reader being a detective in chicago pd but they go help svu with a case and she and carisi (still detective) have something ?? First meeting and stuff or more deep as in long distance relationship and reader gets pregnant so one of them have to leave their city ?? Idk I want you to feel comfortable writing whatever inspires you more. Amazing work btw!!

Summary: When a child abduction case crosses state lines in New York, Intelligence flies out to meet the Special Victims Unit and track down the missing boy. With the clock ticking, both units decide to mix up partners in order to combine their knowledge of the case with knowledge of New York City, pairing Intelligence’s newest member Y/N with Detective Carisi.

“I’m telling you boss, it’s like he’s just vanished,” Adam insisted, leaning forward in his chair as he spoke to Voight, who was standing in front of a whiteboard filled with potential leads and locations of your suspect and his son, Logan, who he kidnapped in the early hours of the morning, none of which had panned out.

Voight looked increasing frustrated, and you didn’t blame him, the father and your suspect, Ronny had just been released from Statesville for assault and battery of his former spouse and older child. You were all scared for this boy’s safety and well aware of how quickly the odds of survival decreased as the clock continued to tick.

Jay and Hailey had interviewed the family, the mother Claire and his older sister Josie, and were now at Hailey’s desk going over the statements, with Jay obviously sat on it instead of on a chair. Kev and Vanessa had gone to the prison, talked to Ronny’s cell mate and old friends, the warden, anyone who might have overheard him mention any plans. Leaving you and Antonio to review any surveillance, put out BOLOS and search the bogus address Ronny had given his parole officer.

You’d all turned up a sum total of nothing.

“There has to be something,” Voight addressed the room, facing his unit with conviction, “go back over what we’ve got so far, we must have missed something, overlooked something, anything.”

Adam spoke up again and you knew why, he’d already gone back over the witness statements, reinterviewed everyone with Kim who said they might have seen or heard anything in the neighbourhood, it was a dead end. “Listen-”

“No, you listen,” Voight snapped and you winced a little, you might have all been thinking the same thing as Ruzek, but he was the only one who usually ever said what was on everybody’s minds, putting him on the receiving end of Voight’s temper. “Unless you want to go downstairs and tell that terrified mother that her son’s ‘just vanished’, you shut up and do you job, clear?”

You’d been in the unit a couple of years now and you were damn proud to be here. No matter how frustrating this was, you still had faith that you would catch the bad guy, this unit did it’s job and it did it well, you just hoped you wouldn’t be too late for Logan.

Ruzek begrudgingly nodded and so did the rest of you even though Voight hadn’t waited for an answer, heading straight back into his office. Turning back in your chair to your desk, you looked to where you were midway through re-combing the surveillence in the area for any sign of a vehicle Ronny might have fled in. He only had one registered in his name, and you and Antonio had found it less than a block from the foreclosed house he’d put as his current residence. Someone had clearly been squatting there, but there wasn’t anything useful in the house or in the beat up old car.

You were just starting to think that maybe they had actually vanished off of the face of the earth when Trudy made her way up the stairs. “CCTV camera just picked up Ronny and Logan, dyed hair and new clothes but facial rec seems to be a match,” she announced, getting all your attention as Voight made his way out of his office.

“Where?” He asked her, noticing the not so triumphant look on Trudy’s face.

“JFK Airport,” she replied, met with annoyed sighs and confused looks. How had he gotten there? You were shocked to say the least, you and Antonio had made sure to call all the airports in Chicago to make sure this guy didn’t flee.

“He’s in New York?” Hailey looked to Voight, waiting like the rest of you were to be told what to do next.

“One of his old prison buddies relocated there last year,” Kev told you all, rifling through his paperwork to find the information he was looking for, “yeah, Ryan O’Connell, got a rep for making people disappear, some that want to, some that don’t.”

“Looks like we’re going to New York,” he decided, aware that the ever ticking clock was now getting faster, you needed to find them now. “I’ll call ahead, get some boots on the ground before we arrive, we’ll roll out as soon as we can. Upton, get the family up to speed, see if they know where he might go in New York.” She nodded.

You all packed up to leave, needing to make arrangements before you could just fly out. “Who’s he calling?” You asked your partner as you headed for the stairs.

“Captain Benson I assume,” he told you, elaborating when he saw that that hadn’t clarified much, “oh I forget, you weren’t with us then. We’ve done a couple of cases with the Special Victims Unit over there, good people and cops, especially their Captain, this is their kind of case.”

You nodded, you’d heard about some of the cases Intelligence had done in New York, especially about Nadia Decotis, and you were looking forward to getting the chance to work with them, circumstances aside.

Voight text you all details about the flight and you left to prepare, you had a job to do and a boy to find, and you were determined to find him.

While the flight itself wasn’t actually that long, it felt like forever, ever second ticking past putting you and the unit further behind Ronny and Logan. You knew it would be straight to business the second your feet hit the tarmac, but Voight had assured you all that although he’d only had time to briefly fill SVU in about the case, they had made finding this boy their top priority. If it was good enough for Voight, it was good enough for you, so you passed the time by looking at everything you had on this O’Connell so you had somewhere to start when you arrived.

There were cars waiting when you arrived, taking you straight to the 16th Precinct and the Special Victims Unit. It was much bigger than the 21st, and nicer too. You had never really spent any time in New York, but it was all just as impressive as you’d heard.

“Hank,” a woman smiled, making her way to greet you all at the entrance of the Unit’s bullpen.

“Olivia,” Hank shook her hand with familiarity, this must have been the Captain. “It’s Captain now isn’t it, congratulations.”

“Thanks, it’s been an adjustment,” she replied, shaking hands with the rest of Intelligence and welcoming them inside.

“Well, it’s certainly well deserved,” Jay told her as the rest of SVU headed over to introduce, or reintroduce, themselves.

“Thanks Halstead,” she smiled, reaching you and Vanessa last. “We haven’t met, I’m Captain Olivia Benson,” she told you.

“Officer Vanessa Rojas,” Vanessa told her, following after Kev to be introduced to the rest of the Unit.

“Detective Y/N. Y/L/N,” you continued, “I’ve heard good things.”

“Likewise, Hank mentioned he had a couple of new members,” she said, leading you further into the main room, “this is Sergeant Tutuola, Detectives Rollins and Carisi, and Officer Tamin,” she gestured around the group as you all shook hands.

You could tell Voight wanted this part to hurry along, eager to get stuck into the case, so you said the generic ‘nice to meet yous’ and stepped out of the way as Voight and Benson positioned themselves at the front of the group.

“So fill us in,” Voight addressed her as he passed out extra copies of your case files to the rest of SVU.

“Okay, so we followed Ronny’s tracks as far as we could after he left JFK, but by the time any unis arrived he was in the wind, we’ve got BOLOS out but nothing so far, although a surveillance camera did pick up the vehicle he left in,” Benson explained.

“Plates?” You asked but she shook her head, bringing up a shot of the back of the car on the screen nearest to her. It was a long way away from your whiteboards and blue tac, you thought.

“Stollen, but we’re trying to match the make and model with any recent reports of car thefts,” she answered.

“Any we’re tracking the names they used to get through airport security,” the male detective, Carisi, continued, “checking for any credit or debit cards under the same names as their fake passports.”

“They must have been good, do we know where Ronny got them from yet?” Hailey asked as Benson got up the images of their passports too, complete with fake names, fake addresses and disguises.

“We’re thinking this O’Connell guy,” Tutuola told her, “he’s got the connections and experience, and this must have been in the works for a while.”

“Yeah, we’re looking at anyone and everyone he’s been in contact with in prison, seeing if any of them might have sent him any packages or had any New York connections,” Rollins said.

“We’ve already gone through the prison logs,” Jay countered, “we know O’Connell did time with him before he got out last year.”

“Yeah, but since then they don’t appear to have had any direct contact, so we’re thinking there’s a middle man, probably the figure you can see in the drivers seat of the car they took from JFK, O’Connell rarely does business in person, that’s why we only had him in for a minor possession stint,” Rollins grabbed a file on O’Connell’s record and handed it to Jay to flip through.

“Can we get a clearer image on that?” Adam asked, pointing to the blurred image of the car. You squinted at the image, trying to get a better look, but the man was clearly wearing a hat and shades, even if they managed to tidy it up, facial recognition would be a waste of time.

“Unfortunately not, but we’re doing everything we can,” Benson said.

“So what now?” Antonio voiced up, all of you turning to your Sergeant and Captain Benson.

“We’re in your house, it’s your call,” Voight said to Benson. He had a lot of respect for her, you noted, he never gave up point on a case so easily.

“Well with your know-how on the case, and our knowledge of New York, we though it was best to combine teams, partner up one of us and one of yours,” she looked back at both units, still stood a little apart from one another, and you and Antonio shared the briefest glance, seeing the other partners in your unit do the same.

You worked well together, all of you did, and let’s be honest, Intelligence had never been very good at sharing, but if it was what was best for Logan, so be it. It hadn’t escaped anyone’s notice that the numbers didn’t add up, so you waited to see who would be moved around.

“Fin, you mind going with Dawson?” Benson gestured to the two men, who happily nodded and Antonio gave you an encouraging nod before he headed off the join the Sergeant at his desk.

“Halstead and Rollins, Upton and Kat,” she continued with Voight’s approval and you knew you’d be next, she’d done her best not to split up any of Intelligence’s partners entirely. “Which leaves Carisi and Y/L/N,” you nodded and so did he.

“Well then, let’s get to it,” Voight ordered, “we’ve got a child to find before he disappears.” With that, he and Benson went to go talk in her office, leaving you all with your new partners.

“First time in New York?” He asked you as he grabbed a chair for you to sit at his desk. You could see notes on the case covering most of the surface, potential locations O’Connell may use and streets that the car may have turned down after they lost it on surveillance, none of which looked familiar to you.

“I got a connecting flight through here once,” you shrugged, feeling out of your element away from Chicago and fully understanding why Captain Benson thought it best to mix up the units.

Carisi chuckled as you took your seat, pulling out the files you’d brought with you from Chicago. “We’re on O’Connell,” he explained, “these are all the files on his known and potential locations.”

You leaned closer to take a look at what he’d been doing. “That’s a lot of ground to cover,” you noted, feeling a sense of dread. O’Connell’s file had him as one of the best, and Ronny had a head start, they might not even be in the state anymore.

Carisi seemed to sense your worry. “We’ve got traffic stops in and out of the city, ports and airports, he won’t slip through again,” he tried to reassure you, but you knew he wasn’t entirely convinced either.

He handed you one of his files and you handed him one of yours. “Let’s get started.”

#sonny carisi #svu #law and order svu #chicago pd #one chicago #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi imagines #chicago pd imagines #svu imagine #chicago pd imagine #svu imagines #law and order svu imagine #law and order svu imagines #chicago pd one shot #one chicago imagine #one chicago imagines #i want us

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discoveringmiraculouswriters · 3 years

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@tsuki-chibi / SailorChibi(AO3)

Ok, so after several months of radio silence, it was time for me to come back to work and post one of my “fic of the month”, but since I literally read everything Miraculous Ladybug written by Sailor/TsukiChibi, I decided to make an author special. This is my first one; the template may change with time.

As I’m writing this, Chibi has 76 works on her AO3 for the Miraculous Ladybug fandom. She has also many fics related to the MCU, Sherlock TV series and Supernatural. Kudos for so much inspiration!

Warning: Long post ahead!

Her fics are ALL worth reading, but here are some of my favorites:

Duststorm: Words:2960 - Chapters:1/1 Summary: Sandboy shows Ladybug one of her worst nightmares. It affects Ladybug far more than she would've expected, and Chat Noir is doing no better.

What I liked: The emotional comfort, The way Ladybug’s resolution to keep their identities secret is just thrown through the window

Black and White and Red All Over: Words:5222 - Chapters:1/1 Summary: Ladybug didn't know that Chat Noir had a sibling. She finds out in the worst way possible.

What I liked: Chat Noir not being Chat Blanc, Adrien having a sibling, Bridgette’s cameo, an akuma with enough control to team up with Ladybug

Shared Characteristics: Words:2895 - Chapters:1/1 Summary :Out of all the things Nino and Alya could've inherited from their kwamis, it would be a heat.

What I liked: DJWifi and the fun factor, really. Imagining them in heat and how they deal with it is just hilarious.

Miraculous Online: Words:2619 - Chapters:1/1 Summary: What do you do when you're freed after having been trapped inside of an online game for over two years? Adrien finds his partner.

What I liked: It made me watch Sword Art Online and, re-reading it after, I could even more appreciate the fic!

Tripped at Fencing: Words:5326 - Chapters:1/1 Summary: Of the all the ways for Ladybug to figure out his identity, Adrien never thought it would be because his father had slapped him.

What I liked: The hurt to comfort and Gabriel A+ parenting. Seriously, this is a sweet fic where you just want to give Adrien a hug or adopt him.

Kitten-ing Around: Words:959 - Chapters:1/1 Summary: Chat had a bad habit of making too many puns. Ladybug had a bad habit of pushing him off rooftops. Technically, that meant they were both to blame.

What I liked: the easy reveal. There’s no drama, no fight, just kids kitten-ing around and messing up their secret identities.

Miraculous Hive (series): Works:5 - Complete: No Summary: Following Chameleon, Chloe figures out who Ladybug and Chat Noir. Her bee instincts then set off a chain of events that change everything.

What I liked: Chloe POV (I haven’t read a lot of fics written from another POV outside of Adrien’s and Marinette’s) and Chloe’s redemption. I’m pro Chloe’s redemption. She’s just a kid who does what she does because of the way she has been brought to see the world (contrarily to Lila who’s genuinely bad imo)

And I’d give up Forever: Words:26829 - Chapters:13/13 Summary: Marinette and Adrien were hiding out in a motel room. Paris knew they were Ladybug and Chat Noir and hated them, and they in turn knew that Gabriel was Hawkmoth. This is one situation that they can't fix alone.

What I liked: I actually dreaded to read this one. I was trying to avoid angsty fics, but the summary about “Paris hating them” made me think they hated them for, idk, being bad at what they do. I was relieved when I understood this was caused by an akuma. The hurt to comfort, the fight against Hakwmoth and how Marinette and Adrien end up so attached to each other made me love this fic.

The Butterfly Effect: Words:22632 - Chapters:8/8 Summary: When Hawkmoth wins and wishes for a new timeline where Emilie Agreste is alive, Marinette and Adrien are the only other ones who remember everything about the old timeline. But Ladybug and Chat Noir don't know each other's identities, and coming together to beat Hawkmoth once and for all may not be as easy as it seems.

What I liked: Adrien seeing his mother again (and finally having the chance to say properly goodbye to her), Marinette’s proof of love for Adrien by giving him the chance to keep his mother, and when Marinette and Adrien find each other. Reading Adrien snapping at his overworked life was nice too :) He needs vacations...

Guess Who: Words:13142 - Chapters:31/31 Summary: Marinette thought a Halloween party with her friends would be fun. That was before someone died. In this choose your own ending story, can you help Marinette make it to the end alive? Reader beware... you’re in for a scare!

What I liked: Where do I actually start?! This fic is a crack and is so fun to read. It’s in the format “Choose Your Own Adventure”. I read it on my phone, set on “Chapter by Chapter” and the links from a chapter to another makes it like a RPG. I was reading it during my breaks at work and just couldn’t stop thinking about it, about who was guilty. I actually guessed right and couldn’t stop laughing.

Fruitful (series): Works:3 - Complete: Yes Summary: Adrien and Marinette are telepathic soulmates. That’s not always a good thing, but neither of them would give up their deep bond for anything.

What I liked: I love soulmate AUs, Marinette being there for Adrien when he’s alone, how losing the other affects them, Chloe playing the game for their sake

By my Side (When the Rain Comes Pouring in): Words:81938 - Chapters:28/28 Summary: Two years after Marinette got her miraculous, she meets Adrien Agreste for the first time. In spite of an initial gum-related bump in the road, they become fast friends thanks to their shared interest in fashion and design. But there's something funny about Adrien. He seems to suffer from terminal clumsiness just like Marinette, frequently sporting sprained wrists and ankles, new bruises, and other injuries. Injuries which look suspiciously similar to the ones that Ladybug's beloved partner has...

What I liked: Adrien’s heartbreaking situation at home, Hawkmoth’s reveal, Marinette and Plagg’s complicity

Honorable mentions:

Lovesquare Ficlet Collection 2019 (Works:8 - Complete: Yes) and Lovesquare 2019 Ficlet Expansions (Works:5 - Complete: No)

2020 Lovesquare Prompt Months (Works:7 - Complete: No)

aro-ace Valentine fics (Works:17 - Complete: No)

Cat in the Night (Words:1926 - Chapters:1/1 )

Lap Pillow: (Words:1496 - Chapters:1/1)

Trolling Alya: (Words:14502 - Chapters:12/12)

Arctique: (Words:19714 - Chapters:9/9)

With that, I’m done!

Thank you so much Chibi for all the work you’ve done and for all fluff and comfort you put in your fics!

Please read, share and leave kudos on her works!

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If you know ML writers you’d like to shout out, or are a ML writer yourself, please contact me!! @clawsout83

#fic of the month #by clawsout83 #fic of the month special #tsuki-chibi #long post

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inkofamethyst · 2 years

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January 1, 2022

Another new year, another day of me holding myself back from exclaiming that january first is just another day. It marks the passage of time just like any other day does. But I don’t say that when people wish me a happy new year because then I’d be a buzzkill who ruins the mood and also I can recognize that some people (for some reason) really like celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of another. So Happy New Year to those people, from me, I guess.

You know, if you really think about it, the “if he wanted to he would” is a really stupid philosophy. Like yea some people are just naturally more thoughtful. And it’s cute to see a guy do cute things without being asked. But that statement really only breeds bitterness and is therefore not helpful. Talk to your man. And if you can’t do that, re-evaluate. Idk I just see it so often in tiktok comments to the point where it’s kind of lost the original sentiment behind it imo.

Speaking of tiktok,,,, there’s this dude who is gaining a huge following right now because he’s recently planned to sell women’s jeans with big pockets. He’s framing his whole brand around himself sticking up to the fast fashion industry and listening to what women want and he’s apparently gotten threatening emails from fast fashion companies and he has a lawyer and investors... and I just can’t help but get this icky feeling that maybe, just maybe, we’re all being duped? That maybe all of this will come to nothing and he’s just using women’s desire to be heard to gain a following. Like that redheaded guy and black women a few months back. I mean this wouldn’t be the first time where a man developed something to help women, but I’m also really skeptical... There’s a lot of talk and a lot of hype and his page only recently became devoted to this plan and I haven’t seen a sketch or design or prototype in any of the videos I’ve watched. Just him, a smile, and an excited voice saying all the pretty words that women want to hear.

Anyway, to change topics completely, I really really enjoyed watching Hawkeye (even if the end credits scene did not live up to my expectations (though don’t get me wrong I’d love a fully overhyped musical about Steve Rogers that only draws facts from public information and has to make up stuff about his life to add to the drama (yknow, the forced romance subplots n stuff))), but I just... I cannot, I simply am unable to look at Florence Pugh, a literally fantastic actress (at the age of twenty five agh), and not see flashbacks of that awful, godforsaken movie in my head. I WAS TOO SOFT FOR IT THEN AND I AM TOO SOFT FOR IT NOW. (I can’t find the date of the post where I talked about it because the tumblr search system is absolute booty but oh god oh man oh it was bad that was a terribly sickening night. (WAIT I FOUND IT. Feb 1 2020)) I saw her in Little Women and was tortured by those images. Same with Black Widow. It’s that... that little frown thing she does where her mouth is slightly open... haunts me.

Wait hold on. I think I have another project to add to the Winter Break list. I’m pretty sure I have three yards of this black rib knit fabric that I bought for a Storm cosplay even though it would be pretty terrible for a Storm cosplay and also that’s a pretty uninspired cosplay choice for a Black girl tbh (not that I wouldn’t do it, but I think I felt like it was really the only option for me lol and that’s simply not true) but!! While I’ve been afraid of sewing knits for ages, I made a knit dress for my mom for Christmas and it was literally no issue at all, all I did was get a ballpoint needle. ~So~ I think I wanna sew this jumpsuit from Mood to sort of replace the black one I already own which doesn’t work with bras (I probably just need to buy some boob tape or something). Alternatively, I could try making a square-neckline dress to replace the one I own which also coincidentally does not work well with bras.

If I could get one project done each week, I’d be in fantastic shape. And that’d be a totally achievable goal if I wasn’t working on a walking skirt that refuses to cooperate (this is me being hyperbolic there’s really only been one problem so far lol. Can you believe I took measurements and did my patent-pending Pleat Math which has never steered me wrong before and still came up with a final waistline that was two inches too big??? Unacceptable. The plan is to try to fix it tonight somehow.

I watched three movies yesterday (Ron Goes Wrong, Sonic, and Archive) and I also did some sewing and just resting in general and it was great. Aside from the pleating thing, the walking skirt is certainly coming along!! I’m treating it as a relatively low-stakes project, but I’m putting in effort to certain parts of it to learn techniques (ex. the material is just okay, but I did flatline it (...not amazingly well), and I plan to fell/catchstitch the seams by hand (there’s going to be so much handsewing involved and I’m so excited), etc). I generally enjoyed all of the movies I watched, and they were all moving in their own ways, but Archive was by far the most moving and interesting (...even if the premise loses steam around the edges, but none of that was explored in the movie, so I’ve decided to just let it be), and also Theo James is still very hot. He’s more attractive now even than he was in Divergent tbh.

Today I’m thankful that I got through another year. Here’s to whatever nonsense 2022 brings I guess.

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melloian · 3 years

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The Reboot Comic Expectations

Since am almost finish with the comic (on page 55 ;-; just at the middle-end) imma just talk about this. no this isn’t au introduction v2, this just what would be in the comics. (if you haven’t read it already click here)

Here’s some things that would be in the comics: Changes in dialog Some episodes will be deleted

The following episodes going be deleted:

Copycat - am just uncomfortable

Gigatitan - am not trying to make Gabriel stupid or laughable that’s why

Santa claws - am not planning to make entire Christmas comic of this, maybe a Christmas special of something else.

Feast - because i changed wang fu backstory

Ladybug - am tired of doppelgangers... i know people liked her but yea.. Oblivio - i just dont like it lmao

All guest star episodes

All #2 version of akumantized villains (expect for stormy weather because she a separate villain)

There’s be added episodes (and also replaced)

This will start in season 2, season 1 will just have the same amount of episodes (expect for copycat)

There will be filler episodes

Why? Don’t you just hate it when the heroes just fighting every single episode and never explore more about they normal life? it also just a break episode for me lmao.

Some episodes will be either completely rewritten or slightly rewritten.

None of the season 4 (and onwards) episodes will be here, it will be replaced with my own

Why? Its a massive spoiler so am just going keep it short and simple, i have different story am going to do with this (and it wouldn’t make sense because Marinette not becoming guardian no more)

There will be long arcs

Don’t worry is not going be in the first 2 seasons.

Edgy, Dark and violence

Yes. idk am not complete child friendly person ;-;.

Anyways, it would happen in season 3.

Episode Felix

Instead of the episode introducing Felix (cuz imma introduce him in the first episode but not completely), it going share his backstory instead in his pov.

Around the world specials would be done in mid time when i feel like doing it but it will very long time when its published....

There will be backstory like episodes There will be episodes only featuring chat noir saving the day and episodes were ladybug saves the day by herself. This also goes for queen bee and other. The episodes will be in the original order Expect for bubbler because i wanted stormy weather to be introduced later.

Writing & Other

My grammar is not good so expect it to sound off

Am not good with fighting scenes so I'll try my best

I’ll try to make things make sense.

My art style have inconsistent height and things, so am trying to even it off somehow. Am not so great with backgrounds

My comedy epically bad.

Extras

Will lukanette be in it?

Even though its a good ship, was canon and all, no. I want to make love square believable instead of unbelievable. And i just want Marinette just to confess her crush already. same thing goes for adrigami.

However, luka still would have a crush on Marinette and kagami will still have a crush on adrien.

Explores ms mendeleiev and other staffs of the school.

There’s be three redemption arcs

Main one is chloe, the rest will be shown ;)

Pollen actually have a personality

Power changes

Of course character developments

Felix would be in some episodes. Will magical charms exist?

No, but in a different way. Its allowed in one of some other form. But its something else Will heroes outfit change? Yes Future!Alix would be more important character later

Does chat noir gets more powers?

Yes

There will be an adult heroes Even though i say it going be less heroes, they will be temporary heroes but it ONLY FOR THAT ARC! not for the rest of the comic trust me. (btw miraculous heroes will not be added as temporaries it will be something else. Miraculous heroes will still have the same amount of heroes because am not adding anymore.){besides they only going be called when necessary, they not apart of the team}

Retcons (Both canon and in my own au)(also SPOILERS!!)

Kagami is a runaway child who been missing since 2 years

Luka and Juleka are not twins anymore, luka is an older brother. He takes care of Juleka because both of his parents are missing. He tries to find both of them.

Miraculous heroes cannot get akumantized unless the accessory is not on them. (nor can the miraculous object can be akumantized.)

Adrien will slowly start becoming less gullible towards Gabriel because he sees something is wrong (retcon in my au)

The weapons are not toys, they literal weapons lmao. (yes even ladybug’s umbrella, you’ll see)

Nathalie not in love with Gabriel

Gorilla will be named Murice cause it sounds better tbh. Gorilla is just his nickname.

(retcon in my au) Andre Bourgeois being friends with Gabriel. I thought i wanted to explain how Gabriel became a terrorist in the first place. (its in Gabriel’s bio about him being a terrorist.)

Thinking what am going to do with these:

Anarka Couffaine and Captain Hardrock(am thinking about doing something interesting with these two) Bob Roth Mr Damocles Le Grand Paris Audrey herself Certain Locations Daroness Anyways that’s all i want to say cya!(this might be edited, also this will be re-blogged every time a new season starts)

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous au #miraculous ladybug reboot #miraculous ladybug au #ml reboot #miraculous season 3 #miraculous season 1 #miraculous season 4 #miraculous season 2 #announcement #alix kubdel #Marinette #luka coffaine #juleka couffaine #kagami tsurugi #felix agreste #web comics #miraculous fanwork

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livingmybestfictionallife · 4 years

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What If?

Request from @chanandlersstuff: Hii, it's me, again. I want to request another Mgk imagine. Something like he goes to a new bar in the city and discovers that the owner is his childhood sweetheart or his first crush, the reader, and they can kiss or something like that. I love how you write and that's why I will ask you for a lots of requests

A/N: Thank you so much for your support! :) I hope you enjoy this one! Also, idk where Cassie and her mother reside. I assume it’s Cleveland, so that’s what it’s going to be in this story. ALSO, a bit of Pantera/Damageplan trivia is included as part of the plot of the story simply because I was listening to it and realized this takes place in Ohio--you’ll see why it’s important if you don’t already know. Hope you enjoy!

A/N part 2: If you ever want to be tagged in something, send me an ask or a message! :)

December 8th, 2004 was always a day that stood out to Colson, simply because it was the biggest ‘What if?’ in his life. He’d experienced too much heartache in his youth and would continue to face pain and anguish throughout his adolescence and early adulthood, and he had so many things that he would reflect back on and wonder what could have happened to make things go differently? What could he have done better? What kind of divine intervention would have been needed? What if he’d just gone home? What if he decided to hang out with someone else?

It seemed that as he reached thirty, he became more enamored with laying these what if questions to rest. He could spend the rest of his life wondering about what would happen had he not fucked something up or had something just gone a different direction, or he could accept that each of those mishaps had led him to the man he was today. He was happy with his life, and for the first time in a long time, he could admit that he was truly happy; he had a beautiful, happy, and healthy daughter that was the light of his world, a successful fifth studio album that blew away the punk and rock charts, and he was in what had to be the healthiest relationship in his life with a gorgeous woman that he loved. Yet still, there was one what if that refused to escape his mind: what if December 8th, 2004 went differently?

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Cassie had told her father over a thanksgiving dinner in Los Angeles about her school’s Winter Talent Show, and that she would be performing a song off her father’s album as a tribute to her late grandfather. Colson couldn’t refrain from tearing up as his daughter told him this and promised he wouldn’t miss it for the world.

He’d shown up to Cassie’s talent show with a bouquet of flowers and a couple of friends he bothered to still talk to after all these years. His eyes glistened with proud, sorrow-ridden tears as he listened to the angel he had for a child sing his lyrics--with school appropriate revisions made--about the struggles he faced with his father since he was about her age. Of all the what ifs that passed through his mind, a lot had to do with his ability to be a good father for Cassie, and every second he spends with her reminds him that she is so much better of a person than he ever was at her age, and it was in that pride that he allowed a solitary tear to fall. He knew his father was proud of Cassie as well as she sang Lonely for her school, and when the show was over, he wrapped his daughter in the tightest hug he could, terrified of the fact that someday, he wouldn’t be around to hold her anymore.

It seemed death was always prevalent in his life; after all it was a death that caused the biggest what if in his mind to continue to pester him.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

(Y/N) paced around the densely populated room and watched not only the patrons, but the employees as well. She’d never even thought of opening a bar, in fact, she never considered being an entrepreneur of any sort, but when the opportunity came, she realized she’d have to be a fool to turn it down. Music had always been a passion of hers; she’d performed in small garage bands with friends, played local shows throughout high school and college, and she even got a degree in music production in hopes of working with a recording studio or record label. (Y/N) had followed this dream and worked at a Bad Racket Recording Studio since 2012, about three years after the studio opened.

It wasn’t until about a year ago that a friend got her in contact with someone who was looking to co-own a bar and turn it into a music venue for local bands. She loved the idea of promoting local bands and musicians, especially since she’d spent the past seven years watching people bring their dreams to life through recording. Maybe it was time to help them realize another dream, the dream of performance.

The reverberations of heavy guitar and drums pulsed through her heart and bones as the performing artist tonight began a cover of Damageplan’s ‘Breathing New Life’. Her heart skipped a beat inadvertently as her mind became lost in the music that electrified the air around her. As an early teen, she’d found solace in music of all genres, but her favorite had been the rock/grunge/metal scene. Pantera had been one of her father’s favorite bands, and so she grew up with a fondness of the musical stylings of the two Abbott brothers from Texas. A lot of kids her age couldn’t understand what was so appealing about Pantera to her--they assumed that just because her parents listened to it she was forced to as well and therefore didn’t know what good music was--but there was always one kid who understood.

One blonde boy would always make sure to ask (y/n) what new music she’d found, if she’d heard of the drama that was going down between bands, and if she’d wanted to listen to CDs together after school. She always responded with a smile before any words left her mouth to continue the conversation, and over the course of middle school, that blonde kid, who she’d known only in passing before, became her closest friend.

As (y/n)’s eyes continued to drift over the crowd, images of her childhood friend’s face flashed through her mind as her gaze came to rest on a tall man dressed in all black, with unruly blonde hair. Had he not been wearing his jacket around his waist and a short sleeved shirt that revealed his tattoos, (y/n) would have glossed over the man’s presence without a second look, but the I-71 North tattoo that was half-visible beneath the rolled up sleeve had given away the man’s identity. With a smile on her face and confidence in her stride, (y/n) approached the bar.

Colson had been in town for a few nights before he’d had enough of his old buddies bugging him about trying out a new bar called Panther’s Den. They continued to swear up and down about it having a nineties feel, and how maybe he should see about setting up a small performance for old-time sakes there. After about three days of this continuing pestering, he gave in and agreed to go to the bar. Together, the small group sat huddled together as they waited to order drinks when a woman approached them with an unforgettable smile pulled across her face.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” she called out over the band as she shifted her weight from one foot to another and waited for the man to bring his eyes to hers. She half expected to see the bloodshot, sleep-deprived, almost hallowed out expression he had worn from time to time in his youth, but when those bright blue eyes turned to face her, (y/n)’s smile grew as she looked into the healthy face of her long time friend.

“(Y/N),” Colson was quick to exclaim as he stretched out his arms and pulled the woman into his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Just running my business.”

“You manage this place?” Colson asked as he looked down into the woman’s eyes. She’d always been mesmerizing to him, although he could never put his finger on it. Maybe it had been how little she cared about what other people thought about her in school, or how badass her taste in music was to him. Maybe it was how supportive she was in him when he said he wanted to rap, or the way her eyes seemed to light up whenever a good riff stood out to her. Maybe it was the way she couldn’t help but nod her head to the beat of every song, the way she bit her lip when she was concentrating on a specific lyric, or the fact that she was his earliest supporter. Whatever it was that captivated him at thirteen was doing the same thing to him at thirty.

“I own it; well, co-own, technically, but I picked the name.” With a smirk, (y/n) lowered herself into the barstool beside Colson and watched as the posse that had surrounded him began to disappear.

“I definitely see the connection now,” he laughed as his eyes traced over the woman’s features. There was a lot that was different--she had less of a baby face that she had in school, seemed a bit more kind and lighthearted than when she was so doom and gloom back in the day, and wore a smile that used to take him what felt like hours of coercing to bring to her face. “How have you been?” Colson hated the question. Often he thought people would think he asked it just to compare his success to their current phase in life, but with (y/n) it came with a different kind of awkwardness that he would have to face.

“I’ve been doing well. My business partner and I got this place up and running last year and it’s been going pretty smoothly,” she admitted. “I was working with a recording studio for a long time before this, but nothing too exciting.” (Y/N) loved what she did and often didn’t have much to talk about with other people besides her work. Her personal life consisted of watched re-runs of TV shows that haven’t been on the air in years, entertaining herself and her pets at home, and not really making an attempt of finding new relationships--friendly or romantic.

“No guy in your life?” Colson found himself asking with an insecurity swelling in his chest that didn’t die down until she shook her head and dismissed whatever fears he didn’t realize he had.

“What about you? Dating Megan Fox must being something,” (y/n) said as she nudged Colson’s ribs with her elbow.

“Yeah,” Colson muttered as he tried to hide his face from (y/n) as he spoke. “She’s great, and I’m really happy.” His words were truthful in every sense of the matter, but that what if still tugged at his heart.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

At twelve and thirteen-years-old, there’s no way to know what love feels like, so Colson tried to ignore the knots that came into his stomach or the words that got caught in his throat whenever he would hang out with (y/n). He ignored the burning in his chest whenever their faces touched while sharing the cheap headphones they used to listen to (y/n)’s CD player with, and buried the jittery feeling he had whenever he knew he had plans with (y/n) and was counting down the hours until seeing her. The only thing that forced him to come to terms with how he felt towards (y/n) was another boy in her class that offered his headphones over to her one day before school to listen to the newly released, Volume 2 box set from Motley Crue, which had just announced they were reuniting.

His blood boiled as he saw her hand brush against the other boy’s as she accepted the headphones and bobbed her head to the beat of whatever song was flooding her ears. It took Colson all of the courage his young self could muster to ask (y/n) to go on a date with him, and all of the money he had earned through small, odd-jobs to pay for the perfect date for this perfect girl.

He’d tried to ask two of his older friends who could drive to take him and (y/n) to Columbus, but wasn’t able to bribe them with enough money for them to agree. Eventually, he had to ask (y/n)’s father for help. His own dad was too busy working to be bothered with a middle school date, so he hoped the man who gave his daughter her love of music would be understanding. (Y/N)’s father found the young man’s idea heartwarming and fun, and agreed to take the pair to Columbus under the stipulation that he stayed to keep an eye on them. At that point, Colson was so relieved the date was panning out, that he didn’t care if her dad came along.

Excitement had overwhelmed both (y/n) and Colson as they embarked on the two hour drive from Cleveland to Columbus, but the time passed quickly through their loud singing, enthusiastic conversation, and (y/n)’s wild anticipation as Colson revealed to her that they were going to Columbus to see Damageplan perform live. He remembered an early conversation he’d had with (y/n) about how she’d love to see Pantera live, as well as the disappointment she had a year ago when the band broke up. Although it wasn’t the exact same as seeing her all-time favorite band, he’d hoped Damageplan, which the founders of Pantera formed after their breakup, would be a close second.

Had they not been caught in traffic, they would have gotten to the show on time. To this day, Colson and (y/n) were both sure the traffic had been a blessing in disguise. They wanted to be front and center for the first song, but that came with the possibility of losing their lives.

They pulled up to the venue about fifteen minutes late. “The show is hours long! We won’t miss much in fifteen minutes,” (y/n)’s father had continued to reassure the teenagers that sat together in the back seat of his car throughout the drive. However, as they pulled up to see ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars flooding the scene, he realized that they may have missed everything. After her father got out and talked to a few people who had remained at the venue--either to give statements to officers or simply because they were in too much shock to drive--he returned to the car where Colson and (y/n) waited, put the vehicle into drive, and pulled away from the scene. It was about twenty long, agonizing minutes of silence before he pulled over through a fast food drive through to order the teens food. With his voice low as they waited for burgers and French fries, he delivered the news to the pair sitting in his backseat. Dimebag Darrell was dead, and their lives had been spared by some traffic on I-71.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

“Do you ever wonder what would have happened with us if we actually made it to the concert?” Colson found himself asking (y/n) as his fingertips picked at the label on his beer bottle.

“The possibility of getting shot crosses my mind,” (y/n) responded dryly as she leaned against the bar on her elbow.

“I mean, what if we made it to the venue and that guy didn’t show up--he never got on stage and killed all those people. What would have happened--with us?” Colson’s eyes never left (y/n). The question had plagued him since that night, followed by a million subsequent questions, such as, Why did I never ask her out again? Why did I see that as missing my shot?

“Well,” (y/n) began with a smile playing on her lips. “That would have been the best date of my entire life. Hands down, nothing could have ever topped it,” she said as her genuine smile curled even higher into a beaming grin that made Colson weak. “I would have probably found a way to give you a kiss whenever my dad wasn’t looking, just to show you how much I appreciated not only your plan for the date, but also you as a person, my best friend, and my biggest crush back then.”

“If I would have asked you out again would you have said ‘yes,’ even after what actually happened?” He was hesitant to receive her answer; he didn’t want to know he had wasted so much time wondering if he missed out on the relationship he was meant to be in by being too cowardly to ask. As his eyes met the soft smile of the woman that stood beside him, his heart sank into his stomach and his stomach turned to lead.

“Yeah, I would have,” she admitted. “You were always there for me, Colson, and I kind of anticipated you asking me out again. You were my favorite person to be around, and I’m so proud of you for chasing your dreams.”

“But how much different would my life be if you were beside me the whole time?” He seemed defiant in his question, as if his tone could change the past and alter the present so he could see the difference in his life like comparing two ‘find-the-difference’ pages from a Highlight’s book.

“You wouldn’t have Cassie,” (y/n) stated with a matter-of-fact tone, “and I know how much you love that child.” Colson smiled at the mention of his daughter, and knew her statement to be true. If (y/n) was around, he would have never met Emma and Cassie would have never been born. “You would have still gone off on your own and done what you wanted to. Having me as your girlfriend wouldn’t have changed you wanting to be with models, I couldn’t ever keep you from something you set your mind to, so the drugs would have pulled us apart. In your own opinion, would I still be your friend if I saw everything you’ve done?” With a smirk and a chuckle, Colson reached out for (y/n)’s arm and gentled rested his hand on her shoulder.

“I don’t know if I would still be my friend. But I’m turning around from a lot of the stupid shit I used to do. You know, mellowing out with age,” he laughed and earned a small smirk from the girl that got away. “What about who I am now? How do you feel about him?”

The words came from his mouth with a solemn look on his face as he scanned the woman’s appearance. He still loved her, and a big part of him knew he would never stop loving her. After all, how could he? He never got the opportunity to see where he and (y/n) would have gone. Would they have a child of their own? Would he have listened to her if she pestered him or threatened to leave when it came to the drugs? Would he have even felt he needed them? All they could do was speculate, and speculation wasn’t enough for him. He wanted an ending on their relationship, one way or another, he needed to know. This open-ended bullshit was eating at him every waking second of his life since December 8th, 2004, and he needed to have her tell him it would have never worked, then he could move on.

“You’ve always been incredible to me,” (y/n)’s softened voice admitted as she gazed up at the man she’d loved since her youth. “And you always will be, but you have Megan, and I know you--you’re happy. Don’t ruin what is a great thing over something that could have been, regardless of how either of us feel.” (Y/N) could feel her heart sinking and her eyes ache as they threatened to fill with tears.

All she’d ever wanted was for him to walk in here, admit his feelings for her, and live some fan-fiction reality of a happily ever after, but the real world was much more cruel. People move on, and even if they don’t fully move on emotionally, they don’t sit around waiting forever. Colson hadn’t remained single in the sixteen years between their first almost date, and she never expected him to. The least she could do was wish happiness onto him and be happy for him when he found it. “I think you may have had a bit too much to drink, Col,” she sighed as she pushed the glass of liquor that sat in front of him aside. Throughout their reminiscing and conversation, he continued to order drink after drink to drown the anxiety of seeing her, and (y/n) could tell it was getting to his head. “You don’t want to do something you’ll regret when you sober up.”

“I need to know, (y/n),” he stated in a firm and exasperated gasp as they pair disappeared into her office so that he could sober up while she collected his friends to take him back to wherever he was staying.

“Colson--”

“Please,” his gentle blue eyes were staring down intently at (y/n)’s soul, a soul filled with hope and warmth clouded with traumas of her own, a soul that always felt tethered to his. With a deep breath and gentle sigh, she pulled herself onto her toes, gently rested her hands against his chest and shoulder, and closed her eyes as her lips found his.

Their kiss was simple, something a pair of middle school kids would have become so giddy over having done, but as adults, it was damn near impossible to ignore her heart jumping into her throat, the way his hands felt on her hips, how soft her lips were against his, how desperate he was to deepen the kiss, to sweep his tongue across her lips and lean her against a wall to feel her pressed against him. (Y/N) had pulled away from Colson before he could find the courage to do what he’d always wanted, and the pair stood toe to toe with electricity buzzing in their heads as they continued to reflect back on the past few seconds. Neither had felt that way with another person before, and neither were certain they would ever feel that way again, because Colson was happy, and Megan didn’t deserve to be thrown aside over the possibility of all the what ifs he had in regards to (y/n).

She gently bit down on her lip and stared at the floor in a desperate attempt to avoid looking Colson in the eyes, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to contain herself if he decided he wanted more. Thankfully, he took the hint and pulled (y/n) into a gentle hug before he turned rather clumsily on his heel to catch up with his friends.

“You’re always welcome here, Colson,” (y/n) called out before he left her sight, hoping he would understand her on the deeper level they always were able to converse with one another on.

“Thanks, (y/n),” he said in return as he held the door to her office gently in his hands. “I’ll try to come back again when I’m not so busy.” A coy smile played on both of their faces once the door was placed between them, and hope continued to spring from both of their chests.

Colson left the Panther’s Den feeling even more confused by the what ifs than he had initially been, and the sensation of the kiss had left him feeling even more light-headed and puzzled than any alcohol or overthinking could cause. In their silences and stolen glances, in the touch of their lips and how each other felt beneath the other’s hands, Colson knew whatever electricity between them, whatever spiritual connection, or tethering of souls would never go away. It was a matter of timing for the pair, thirteen wasn’t the right time for them to get together and it was deflected in a gruesome way, but whatever the temptress of time was planning for Colson and (y/n), he knew he was ready to fall, so he placed their fate in the hands of life, and continued down the street with the gentle graze of her lips pressing like a phantom against his own.

#colson baker #colson baker fanfiction #colson baker fanfic #colson baker x reader #colson x reader #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly fanfiction #machine gun kelly fanfic #machine gun kelly fluff #mgk #mgk x reader #mgk fanfiction #mgk fanfic #mgk request #machine gun kelly request #colson baker request

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xmalereader · 4 years

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Modern! Ben Solo X Sith! Male Reader

|| Masterlist ||

Requested: Hi! So I'm a huge fan of your modern!reader writings, and I was wondering if you would be interested in doing that, but the positions are reversed? Where Ben more or less is having a hard time just naturally fitting in on Earth and Reader somehow contacts him through the force and eventually convinces Ben to come with him?? Idk this has been kn my mind for a while.

Warnings: Slight angst, Modern Ben solo, reversed roles, dark lord reader, innocent Ben, slight fluff, Bi Ben.

@lea-the-foxe

“Supreme leader, we have arrived. Would you like us to prepare your ship?”

“Yes, please make sure that no one follows me and don’t send anyone unless I say.”

Hux gives his supreme leader a small bow. “Yes supreme leader.” He says as he exits the large room as y/n glanced outside, just a few miles away was Earth. A planet that took him months to find, it was a very well secured and hidden planet that y/n had to make sure that they scanned the whole galaxy to Just find this one planet.

He hasn’t heard about this, ‘earth’ but he does know that the population of humans don’t know anything about them so He order his people to make sure that they stayed hidden below radar, not wanting to cause any alarm on earth. “Make sure that everything is in control, I’m counting on you Hux.” He says through the force bond that he has created with Hux before leaving his own thrown and heading towards his chambers, getting himself ready before landing.

He’s made some research on earth, making sure the blend in well with the proper dressing and material he would be able to blend in with the crowds. He’s been sensing a force on earth and it has been calling out to him and he’s been trying to search for months but came up with nothing until now, he figured out about earth a while ago and has ordered his people to search everywhere in the galaxy. He’s been feeling this pull for awhile and now that he’s here he can finally search for the person responsible for this urgent tug.

As y/n finishes dressing up he gives himself one last look in the mirror, adjusting the black jacket and fixing up his hair, trying to make it look a little less nice and more modern looking. “Supreme leader.” He jolts in fright as he glares over at Hux who has re-entered his chambers. “Your ship is ready.”

“I’ve told you to knock several times.” He hisses out and ignores Hux. He grabs hsi saber and tucks it underneath his jacket before leaving his room, brushing past hux as he makes his way towards the shipping area. “While I am gone, I need you to make sure that no one is to disturb me, if we suddenly get pulled into danger then you send a holo.” He instructs as he climbs inside his ship and checks the controllers.

“I’ll make sure that nothing happens while you are gone, but for now focus on your own mission.” Said hux as y/n grins at him and closes the cockpit. He makes sure that he is ready to launch, strapping hismelf in as he sighs deeply and looks up ahead. “Lets do this.” He whispers to hismelf.

—

“Ben, you haven’t eaten anything since you’ve returned from your uncles.” Said Leia as she watches her son. Ben was sitting on the dining table as he stares out the window, he was looking at the sky with curiosity. “I’ve already eaten, uncle gave me some of his weird cooking.” He says as he turns his attention back to her.

Ben has been spending time with his uncle constiantly since his parents were still arguing with each other, reaching the point of Ben not being able to stand their bickering. His uncle was nice enough to Lend him a room, allowing him to stay as long as he wanted, but he knows that he would have to return back home and make sure that his parents haven’t killed each other.

“You’re Uncle isn’t feeding you properly.” She mutters out as Ben chuckles.

“Old man is lonely, he cant cook well but he’s learning.” He stands up from his seat, taking one last look outside before helping his mother clear the table. “How’s Rey by the way?” Ben freezes up at the mention of her name, walking towards the kitchen as he sets his plate inside the sink. “She uh—“

“She’s a very sweet girl.”

“Yeah about that,” he began to clean his dishes as he spoke. “We broke up a long time ago, I don’t think I’m ready for a serious relationship, you know? Just need time on my own and finding a new place for myself.” He shrugs a little as he turns off the sink water and cleans his hands with a dry rag.

He hears his mother shuffle close to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “That wasn’t the reason.” She whispers as Ben bites his lip. “You still hear them.”

Ben flinches away from her touch. “I haven’t been hearing it lately, it’s not bad and besides its going away so I’m fine.” His mother was talking about the voice that had been talking to him for awhile now, it’s been years, to be exact three. It started when he was at work, working on one of his big projects when he suddenly heard a soft whisper. He thought that it was one of his co-workers talking to him but when he turned around he saw no one. He thought it was his imagination until it happened again, but this time he heard it loud and clear, he thought he was going crazy at first.

But he had tried to ignore, blocking it out as he continues on with his life. But it only got worse as months went by so he had no choice but ot tell someone and that someone was his mother. He loved her so much that he wouldn’t do anything to upset her, so the day he told her—he expected her to freak out and send him to a therapist but instead she stood by his side and told him that it would all be over and to not listen, so he did that.

He’s been keeping it undercontrol, but he can’t help but feel a sudden tug in his chest. A feeling telling him that he didn’t belong here. He’s been struggling already with his own problem that he almost missed the times that his parents argued with each other and having to deal with a relationship that didn’t really feel real anymore. And his Job was only becoming stressful, the new interns were getting on his nerves, to the point where he would want to smash their face through a computer screen but he had to remain in control.

So he changed some things, he began to visit his parents separately and try to help fix their relationship while he visited his uncle Luke who he had tried to convince to help him out with his mother but his uncle refused to get involved, leaving him on his own. His break up with Rey didn’t end well, the two were out together when she suddenly brought up their future a topic that he hated talking about. He was polite to ask her to stop but she didn’t causing him to snap at her and dumping her on the spot.

He was already struggling to much, he just wanted a new start and far away from all of his problems.

“Ben you should really see a therapist about this or a doctor.”

“I said I was fine!” He slaps his mothers hand away from him as he grabs his coat and makes his way towards the door, leaving the house in a hurry, not wanting to get anymore upset with her.

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“Get out of my head.” He growls out in anger, walking a little faster as he heads towards an empty park.

“I can feel your anger, you’ve been angry for years now.”

“Shut up!” He grips his head, he can’t give in.

“It’s okay to be angry and upset, so let it all out no one is here to judge you.”

“What do you want with me?! You’ve been pestering me for years now! So tell me, what do you want!?” He circles around, checking his surroundings as he pants heavily. He can’t allow this voice in his head to mock him, “I just want you.” Gasping he turns around to see a strange man standing a few feet away from him. “Hello Ben, I’ve been waiting for you.” That voice, he recognizes that voice from his head.

“Who are you and how were you talking to me just now, in my head?” He asks as the other gives him a grin. “You don’t know do you?”

“Know what?!” He shouted back, expecting the other to get frightened from his anger but he doesn’t flinch nor does he move. “You see Ben, me and you are alike. You just don’t know it.”

“What—?”

The other approaches him slowly, causing Ben to stumble back. “Have you ever done something that was considered impossible?” He asks. “Have you ever felt another’s emotion or hav been so angry that you may or may not have moved an object, or maybe a voice in your head telling you what to do?” He cocks his head and smiles at Ben.

It wasn’t a warm smile but a wicked one.

“How do you know all of this?” Ben glares at the other as he sighs deeply. “Because I’ve been watching you, the force led me to you and it want me to take you in, to train you to make you stronger, wouldn’t it be nice to just start over? To learn something new?”

The offer sounded tempting to him but he couldn’t, his parents were here and hsi whole family, he can’t jus leave like this. “Who’re you?”

“I’m y/n, but where I’m from I prefer others to call me Supreme Leader, but if you agree to follow me then ill allow you to call me whatever you like.” He adjusts his hoodie and reaches under his hood to take out a cylinder like rod, it was black with a sigil on it.

He could feel a sudden tug on the object, like it was calling out for him. “You feel it don’t you?” Ben snaps his eyes to y/n as he holds out the object towards him. “go on, take it. I know you want too.” He whispers and takes a few steps forward, causing ben to realize that he was slightly taller than the other. By instinct he takes a step back, “Go on.” He hears y/n say again. “take it.”

Ben glances back down at the object, slowly reaching out to take it into his own hand. At the sudden touch he feels a strong powerful feeling, causing him to gasp and drop the object. But before it could hit the ground it froze in mid air, his eyes widening as the object slowly floats up and into the hands of the other. Y/n grips onto the saber and eyes Ben. “Shame you didn’t get to use it.” He says with a small pout, almost making it look like he was making fun of him.

Ben could only glare at him. “Don’t tease me.”

“Oh but I like teasing, its the only thing I’m really good at it.” Y/n admits as he clips the saber back on his belt and turns back to face the other. “I know you felt a strong force when you held it, it was calling out ot you. Telling you that you belonged somewhere else and not here.”

Ben breaths out nervously, he wasnt wrong. He’s been feeling unimportant around others that maybe disappearing wouldn’t matter to anyone.

“Join me, I know you want too.” Y/n extends his hand out, offering it towards ben.

Ben gives his hand a glance before looking back up to face the other. “I can train you, make you a better person. You can become someone a lot better—“ Ben inches closer as y/n slowly smiles. “I can take you away form everything.” He whispered out as Ben takes his hand, wrapping his fingers around his hand.

Y/n’s lips twitch up into a smirk as he tugs Ben forward, placing his other free hand against his forehead, showing him various visions before he falls asleep. Y/n uses the force to keep him from falling, reaching into his pocket he takes out a com, a holo of hux appearing as y/n speaks. “General, prepare an extra room, Will be having some company.”

#male reader #star wars x male reader #kylo ren x male reader #ben solo x male reader #kylo ren #ben solo #star wars tros #star wars tros x male reader #modern reader #modern fic

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neko-shinigxmi · 3 years

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Interest Check!!

So I was thinking about reopening commissions again, getting those set up...and I’ve been thinking. I’ve really liked the idea of doing F/O letters (fictional other, is the definition for those unfamiliar) for people. However- especially in times like these- it’s hard to justify doing it for free, when energy is limited.

So! With that in mind, I’m thinking of trying out F/O Letters [Email Edition]. For those interested...

Probably gonna start the price at $15 || $5 cheaper than my fics

Back and forth letters CAN be a thing. Will be charged per response. IDK what the price on that is yet.

Will only be accepting fandoms I know (for now; fandoms I don't know will eventually be an option, but more 'spensive bc I will have to research it...I’m dedicated to accuracy)

this will eventually work towards the physical media aspect I wanted to do from the start (hand written letters + a few self-care goodies; self care packages later....maybe)

I am also tempted to do a "G'raha Fund" where you can request the comm payment to go towards it; literally is just going towards getting me a G'raha plush to carry around with me for Comfort Reasons (for those unaware, I’ll put it under the read more)

Otherwise, all money will be set aside for me to move into my own apartment

For those who want to take a look at my comm sheet, here! (I’ll try to make a more easy-to-read/follow format when I re-work it...)

My writing tag is Aki Stories, if you’d like to see how I write!

Looking to open up in about a week’s time.

As said, it’ll be done through email! Forms (that tell me about your OC/self insert) will be submitted that way and you’ll get your letters that way, too.

As said, I’ll currently be only accepting fandoms that I am also into, as that guarantees that I know the fandom very well and can promise not only quality, but a quick delivery!

If anyone wants the fandom list, send me an ask! If you’d like, reblog to spread the word!! But that aside... Gonna put down what happened fairly recently below the Read More, as it’ll explain my situation and the rather silly sounding “G’raha Fund,” LMAO.

(...seriously, transphobia/enbyphobia ahead.)

So prior to November of last year, I’d been living in a mentally taxing environment. Four younger siblings, a stepdad who was racist, LGBTphobic (just...overall, to everyone in that community), and pushed his religion onto the people around him. My mother was marginally better, but I now realize...was still unsupportive of me in the way that I needed it. (As well who was one of those “Old Allies” who prided herself on having gay friends and going with them to Pride, but also deciding to make some questionable comments. But I won’t get into that.)

The important bit is that in November, I decided I was sick of being stressed day in and day out. I knew my stepdad wouldn’t approve of me, my mom had tried assuring me he’d “still love and support me,” but I wasn’t buying that for a minute. Especially because I wanted to talk about it, and the time never came up. So. I made it happen.

Only to hear my mother balk at trying to use singular they/them pronouns (”that doesn’t make sense” according to her) and refuse to use them for me. Ignoring outright that I also offered up he/him pronouns; it was simply too hard for her to comprehend and she wouldn’t budge.

Stepdad overheard the conversation and it got worse; he confirmed my fears. Saying I was always going to be my birth gender, he thinks I hate my body...and then spun it back to himself. Y’know, he feels very attacked for being the only religious adult here. Is he next on the chopping block?

My boyfriend got me out of there. I haven’t gone back since, nor will I ever. “My” room has already been cleared out for one of my younger sisters.

There was a lot of other awful things going on there, but I won’t get into it. The point is...it was bad, and I need to make sure I never go back there. Better yet, move into an apartment where I can stay during the day, while my boyfriend is at work.

These past few months, I’ve finally been able to have a place to stay... With my dad. (Prior to that, it was hiding out at cafes and occasionally my boyfriend’s work, when not getting a room under his discount. They’ve since gotten rid of employee discounts.) However, he is of the mind that I wasn’t “accepting” enough of my stepdad; things would’ve been better if I was. As well, I’m not “bad at math” I’m just not trying hard enough... Which is bullshit and I’d sure know it.

So even though it’s a great place to stay....and I’m not allowed to be at home alone under his own dad’s rules... It’s still not great.

The “G’raha Fund” will let me carry around my current inspiration (LOL) as a comfort item. I don’t have a shop in particular that I’m looking at- if anything, I have about 4 to 5 shops I’m eyeing- but the fund will likely cap at $100, giving me enough room to buy the plush and (hopefully) covering any S+H charges, too. Any remaining money from the G’raha Fund will just go to my bank and to the original plans: funding for an apartment. (And helping pay bills once I’m there.)

#Aki speaks #self insert #self ship #ffxiv #(14 gets a special tag bc it's my hyperfocus)#(let me write letters to you lot....let me)#ANYWAYS this IS just an interest check #so rbs and likes VERY appreciated!!!!#please let me know if this is something #you'd be willing to pay for!!#details will be hammered out further in the coming days

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technicolordeams · 4 years

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So some things happened this past week since I wrote my last entry and I'm rethinking my stance on leaving or not. I was able to talk to the one girl who is befriending me and my pastor had a long talk about what makes me me and what I struggle with. I followed what my therapist told me to be which was to be more assertive. I felt very awkward and scared to do it but if I didn't, I'd end up right back where I was feeling anger and abandonment. So for now, I'm still on hold on what to choose to do.

But a couple other things popped up. Not too big but unsettling. My mind just blanked on one of them so I'll just type about the one that's stuck out the most to me right now since it happened literally within the past hour.

So obviously I have problems eating enough to keep my weight stable, let alone gain any without a LOT of work. I've been struggling with it since my gallbladder decided to take a shit on me and demand to be removed which happened on my birthday. During that time I started getting suicidal again and I hadn't dealt with those intense emotions regarding it in several years. But since December it decided to rear it's ugly head and bite into me as hard as it could ever since. It's been 8 months now with very little improvement. And during that time span my health has tanked. I developed breathing problems after my surgery which was horrific enough as it was (imagine not being fully awake but aware that you are out of control of your body and unable to utilize your coping techniques. Just like having a massive panic attack like seizure feeling but you are barely able to be aware of anything besides the viceral fear and blackness because I couldn't wake up. Just... Out of control. And you have no idea how long you were in that state before the nurse could sort of pull you out of it and even communicate more than like two words and slowly peek my eyes open a fraction. Yeah, that's what happened. I had major fear over that for at least a month. Sleeping was hard enough from the surgery and adding in that... Yeah no.) Anyways, since that started up and obviously after surgery it's hard to eat and stuff like that normally. But after the surgery I was (am) having breathing problems. I would have endless coughing fits that would even hit me and make me unable to take a full breath without coughing horribly whatever air I could get right back out. It also made me almost throw up several times (which is my biggest phobia that triggered my eating disorder to go out of control and send me into hospital stays and feeding tube hell). So at least I lost 10lbs since the surgery or even before that. I creep closer to 15lbs though most likely. I haven't been keeping track of it very much because of how much distress I've been dealing with. And I've been dealing with A LOT. Things I wonder if I will be able to get up from without more intense medical help that I probably can't get because of covid.

I've gone through several tests to see why I'm having coughing fits and every answer is that they don't see anything wrong. Well, the ENT appointment I went to the day before I went to see the pulmonary doctor really screwed me over tbh. The ENT doctor gave me steroids that day that I took that same night and told me that the pulls wouldn't affect the asthma test they were going to perform next day. It did. So I had to wait like two months before I could go back and be re-tested. But then covid hit and those practices have been closed ever since. So I can't get an accurate reading on what's going on. They did spot that I had some breathing abnormalities but because of the steroids, they couldn't say for sure. Mind you I had to literally book these doctor appointments and tell my dad you have to take me to these because he didn't think it was that important. Which has pretty much been like everything doctor related that has come up this past year. Just had to put my foot down and tell him I NEED to go to these and I'll be going whether you agree with me or not. Which adds to the distressed feeling and like I'm overreacting and being too paranoid or some shit. Also because I couldn't get actually tested for asthma properly, my regular doctor had to prescribe me with an inhaler but insurance won't help because I have not been diagnosed with it. So I had to cough up (almost literally) over a $100 for medicine that we don't know is right for me or not or whatever.. so that's like $60 every two months? Idk. Which is a lot considering I have a bunch of other bills to pay which includes when I got my wisdom teeth removed (ALL FIVEEE because I'm that extra) which cost $3,000. I have to pay my mom back for another at least year? I don't even know anymore at this point.

I've also been dealing with vision blackouts recently where I almost pass out when I get up here and there. My blood pressure tanked and went to like 70/52 and pulse all over the place. That's better now at least. Chronic fatigue, dehydration, can't sleep very well... Etc. Vitamin D and B12 are on the lower side of the normal range and my body isn't producing enough carbon dioxide.

Now along with all of this bag of shit, I have lost every friend I thought I had and the feeling that I can call anyone friend anymore. I am terrified of calling anyone a friend now because I am afraid that if I let someone in, I will be taken advantage of and lied to like I have in almost every type of relationship I've had since I was little. I am afraid of speaking because I am afraid what I say will offend or upset or whatever someone when all I do is mean well (usually unless you're an asshat). It has made me regress back to my childhood where I couldn't trust anyone and I had nobody except for a penpal on the east coast to keep me company through msn messenger, emails, or rarely phone calls. She was the only one I could call my best friend for a long time and the only one I could open up to about things and the only one who tried to consistently cheer me up when I was hospitalized at 16 by spamming me with emails. I will forever love her and no matter how far we've drifted apart over the years, I will still love her and respond to her as quickly as possible if she ever needed me again. But if we never talk again I'm okay with it. We were there for each other during really bad times in out lives and I like to think we kept each other somewhat sane. She has done more for me than I could ever ask anyone and I'll always be grateful to have "met" her.

But since all of the shit happened with my ex friends... I don't feel safe to get very close to anyone or open up to anyone. Even the girl who defended me and stuff when I was being bullied and manipulated hardly speaks to me now. I wouldn't want to talk to me very much either if all I had to talk about were extremely negative and talk about dying. I can hardly go to my parents about things. I am home alone with just my puppy that likes to get into mischief about 80% of the day. Hardly interact with people online. Usually I just now watch YouTube videos about what's going on with people. I find very little satisfaction playing video games or anything honestly. I have lost art, something that I loved dearly and way too much. I cannot go out most often due to my health. I am stuck at home. I can hardly go outside too. It's too hot (sometimes heat can trigger flashbacks), I found out I'm allergic to grass, and last week I broke out in hives from God knows what so I can't go outside even more. I was put on steroids again for 6 days which causes your immune system to weaken so it won't produce histamines that causes the INSANE itch because every topical and oral medicine OTC would barely help at all. All I do each day is very basic hygiene, sleep when I can, eat as much as I can, and try and relax while taking care of my puppy.

Only two good things has come from all of this: one, I can finally work with a trauma therapist. Hopefully she can help me. Two... Ah I forgot what the second one was actually. Maybe being able to talk to my psychiatrist more frequently? Not sure. I'm very tired right now again lol.

All I know is that I feel very much alone and there's nothing I can do about it. The world outside is extremely dangerous and I am trapped inside my mind too frequently. And there is no extra help I can get.

So all of this led up to my main grievance for today- so far at least lol long ass story to tell just to explain what I'm upset about. My mom earlier asked me if she could give me advice. I told her it depends on what it's about. But she said it anyways. Told me to check my weight each week. She knows I'm not in the most stable state of mind and she knows that me checking my weight constantly can cause a panic attack of it goes down. (thankfully it hasn't really in a month. Only reason why I know is because I had to go to my doctor's twice the past month) I told my dad what she said and he just told me to say okay and leave it at that.

I know I don't want to go back to the state I was in in 2017. I don't want to go through that hell again. Even if I did want to, there'd be way more restrictions with the threat of covid ravaging our place and infecting everyone there. When I pass the eating disorder clinic that I was forced in when I was 16, there is literally nobody there. Maybe a couple cars but they obviously are not treating kids right now. I may be wrong but it would be very dangerous. I know over at the ERC I went to in 2017 is extremely limiting any visitors from coming. The apartments when you graduate to living in temporarily while you go to just a day program only allow maybe two people to stay there at a time and instead of walking to the van pickup spot, they pick you up at your apartment. Psychiatric wards here, or at least one of them that my therapist and I talked about going to, is still slightly operational, but it's over Zoom. So you literally can't get very good support. If you fall off the deep end while at a meeting nothing can be done to help you right there and then if you run away from the meeting.

My psychiatrist told me that if I do feel that I'm in grave danger (I think the trauma therapist I met also said the same) was to go to the ER. But I am afraid to go to the ER and then be turned away quickly and also take a chance that I might catch Covid while there, not to mention the price... And since my parents are essential workers, any one of us could come down with it at any time or be a carrier without knowing. So I'm isolated from people in real life and I don't feel safe talking to anyone online as well. Even if I had someone who wanted to talk to me to begin with that isn't some creepy horny guy wanting pixel sex... I can't think of anyone who I could potentially talk to about anything in my life... I'm just so lost and afraid of both the virtual and real world... Who can I turn to besides my therapist, psychiatrist, or maybe parents depending on what is bothering me, and of course God? I'm told I need a support system. But I can only talk to the doctors so much and my parents aren't very good at being compassionate... I have no one.

I also think about how badly I want to be hospitalized for a little while just so I can get fluids and rest and proper care but that most likely will only happen unless suicide was a big risk.

I am utterly alone...

If anyone reads this long post to the end, you're a crazy human being. xD Going to stop rambling now and put the dishes away and put the pup away for his nap and try and get one in myself.

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longinglook · 4 years

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I’m answering a bunch of asks about this episode under a read more to avoid spoilers/spamming everyone’s dash with a ton of posts, so if you’ve sent me an ask and I haven’t answered it yet, it’s probably down here!!!!

angry fighter looks hot af but at what cost 😔

they could have kept it. i’m ready to give up angry fighter and naked showering fighter if they take back what they did

not at how i'm more invested in fighter and tutor's relationship than my own but to be fair me and my boyfriend have been together for like 6 years lol and thankfully we know how to communicate

goals omg... where do i get a long lasting relationship with someone who can communicate and is okay with me caring more about a fictional couple than anything else please tell me your secrets

"i don't love you anymore" hurt us more please

I felt so numb at that point I didn’t even register the pain...

The LineTV version will be worse but we saw how it will end so I can finally breathe a sigh of relief I knew Tutor would push him away at least they got that right and his response hurts so much but after what Fighter did in that scene it makes sense "If you ask me rn I don't love you anymore"

Yup the linetv version was indeed worse. I found it interesting how Fighter stopped because of Tutor’s words and not because he was pushed away. Apart from the whole bed scene which I hated and I will talk about it more in a different post, I also disliked A LOT how Fighter doesn’t apologize. He cries sure, but he’s crying about the breakup, he doesn’t seem to regret or realize how bad what he just did is.

tutor gave him the necklace back but he still has the nametag and string maybe it was a mistake to watch the episode after all

honestly nothing of this episode made sense from a narrative standpoint

electric chair for fight's dad i don't even care at this point just k word him

agreed, it’s all his fault he deserves to rot but also make sure he hasn’t disowned Fighter yet before he d words

Right, I'm sitting down with a large, very strong margarita (which my girlfriend made me, rolling her eyes and saying "what the hell is it with you and these Thai boys"?) and opening the LineTV subbed link. See you on the other side!!

[adele voice] hello from the other side! I wish I had alcohol or a girlfriend to keep me company thoughout this mess

now that deleted scene makes more sense, it explains a bit more why fighter would completely lose it when tutor uses that kid to make him jealous. tutor's plan and the whole scene following it was bullshit but series add some random shit for drama all the time so why am i even surprised. at least he stopped, they talked and tutor told him off. still don't get why it was necessary. him just breaking down in front of tutor would have been enough.

IT WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME MAD THE MOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS CLEARLY JUST AN EXCUSE TO CREATE MORE DRAMA IN A CHEAP TASTELESS WAY! oh my god you guys I am so upset, I will write more in another post but. I can’t believe they thought this would be a good idea. It completely ruined the rest of the episode for me. The conversation they have right after could have worked just fine without the ab*se, it was a good conversation, Fighter telling Tutor that he has liked him since day one, that it took him a lot to take down his walls and come to terms with his feelings. ALL THAT SHIT BEFORE WAS NOT NECESSARY. NOT GOOD.

let's be real zee deserves a fuckin' oscar for his performance in the last episodes and todays saint too i was crying like a baby

zee was incredible. last week saint was mvp for me, but this week zee was insane. the scene with his father was so well done. I dodn’t cry because I was extremely upset, and still am, and I didn’t enjoy the episode at all. But I can recognize the amazing performances that Saint and Zee gave us today

the author said she talked to the director and he wants to re-shoot many scenes because he want to emphasize on more pain for both couples??? sir i think we had enough pain thank you very much

the only thing that I want them to shoot is a fucking apology video for thinking this was a good idea

fighter telling his father he sucks at love and that his wife literally ran away from him to be with another man made my day lol like why are you trying to judge someone's else love life when you suck at your own dude

that was amazing! while I was watching the unsubbed broadcast I was praying he’d come out or use the word gay. This wasn’t exactly it, but it still was a very very good conversation that I would have enjoyed more if part 1 hadn’t happened.

zee's acting was so good but i still hate they took that route for fighter like i'm super glad it wasn't romanticized and tutor did kiss him back at some point but that scene could have had the same impact if they just talked istg

yup! zee you’re doing amazing sweetie i’m sure it’s not your fault they made fighter do this. the scene was so incredibly pointless. no words

I know many people are talking about Part 1 as they should for obvious reasons but let's also talk about Part 2 because that was FighterTutor I know and love. Plus Saint was acting so cute like a cat it was adorable and all the little touches between them I just want them to be happy.

I... hated that scene I’m so sorry to disappoint. It felt so out of place after part 1, it made zero sense to have Tutor act that way after what he had said to Fighter and what had just happened. I’ve noticed that fevers tend to be used a lot in bls to show the sick character that this other person is sweet and caring and it’s just so out of the blue and a clear plot device to get Tutor to rethink... It honestly was so unnecessary considering that Zon talks to him after and I’d like to believe that’s what convinces Tutor to maybe fight some more for his happiness. Idk I found the whole chest rub insanely uncomfortable after everything that happened, Tutor was sick and feverish, idk. Also the joke at the start of that scene about Fighter taking advantage of him was AWFUL. WHAT THE FUCK.

no you are right the part with zon was kinda weirdly translated plus the whole text conversation which fighter was reading on part 2 (or was part 3?) isn't translated

the texts say something along the lines of “How are you? I saw you were very sick. I thought about P’Fight’s father. Can I suggest something? I say talk to Fight about his father. There should be a better soultion” (provided by google translate)

fighter reminds me of that one friend i had in college he would just suddenly disappear for days and then come back just to disappear again

I was that friend in college... you can’t just be emotionally available all the time, sometimes you gotta bounce

whyru season 2 with dew and his boyfriend but this time dew will run off all the time leaving fighter on his own

I agree with this

#ask #anonymous #text #meta

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logicallyanxious · 5 years

Text

Creative Differences

*CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS VIDEO*

This now has a prequel, although both can be read separately!

Also on Ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19397842/chapters/46161067

Words: 4,255

Characters: Logan Sanders, Roman Sanders, and Remus Sanders. Also the dragon witch.

Warnings: Blood mentions, injuries, evil/nonsympathetic Remus (idk what tags to use for him yet like we have for Deceit), fighting, intrusive thoughts/nightmares, food mentioned. Let me know if I should add anything else.

Summary: After being terrorized by his brother, Roman seeks out Logan’s help. The logical side is quick to find a solution and Roman realizes he’s been taking their relationship for granted.

Logan looked up from the book he’d been studying at the faint knock at his door. He stared at it, perplexed, certain that he’d misheard. That his ears were playing tricks on him. No one ever came to visit him.

The sound came again, this time louder, more urgent, and Logan jumped out of his seat.

“Coming!” He acknowledged the visitor as he crossed the room.

He pushed the door open, blinking in surprise at the side that stood before him.

Roman leaned against the door frame, his head hanging, as if he could barely hold himself up. His usual pristine attire was wrinkled and stained and his hair was wild, as if he’d spent hours pulling at it without the energy to summon a comb. Logan looked to where Roman’s hand clutched his sword, his knuckles white as if he’d forgotten how to let go, his nails clearly having been gnawed on.

“R-Roman?” The name left Logan’s mouth in a whisper, a question, as if he wasn’t sure he believed his eyes. He wanted to ask more, ask if he was okay, what happened, but it all got caught in his throat when the other side looked up.

He had bags under his eyes, a blossoming purple that stained his usual blemish free, tanned skin. Although, now his skin was a sickly pale, looking dry, almost as if the most subtle shift in facial expression could cause it to crack.

Logan’s heart lurched as he noticed the fresh tears on his friend’s face, his eyes red and bloodshot. Logan’s eyes followed the droplets down Roman’s cheek, which was hollow and littered with bruises. Roman chewed on his lip, which was blotched with a dark red that spilled onto his chin, dripping onto his shirt.

Logan’s stomach churned as he took in the red color before him, just now noticing it. Roman’s uniform wasn’t just stained, it was bloodstained. The material was torn in several places, as if someone had cut into it, and blood splattered those areas.

“I-I’m sorry,” Roman finally managed to mumble out, his voice thick and hoarse. “I-I didn’t know where else to go.”

Logan wanted to assure him that there was no need to apologize, that of course Roman was welcome here, would always be welcome here. To tell him that he was grateful Roman trusted him enough to seek out his help while in this state. But another part of him wanted to ask why him. Why not Patton or Virgil, sides Roman was undoubtedly closer to and more comfortable with.

Before Logan could find the words to reply, Roman had pushed off from the door frame, stumbling forward. Logan easily caught him, more worry flooding his system as he noted how light the other side was.

“S-sorry,” Roman apologized again and Logan shushed him, helping him inside.

He gently laid Roman down on his bed, trying his best to make him comfortable.

“What… What happened?” Logan finally managed to ask.

Roman stared up at the ceiling, his eyes glassy and distant, and at first Logan thought he hadn’t heard him.

“He’s stronger now.”

Logan blinked in surprise, unsure how to take that information. He knew who he was, without a doubt, but he never thought he’d ever cause so much pain, at least not to his own brother.

“Wait, Remus did this to you?”

Roman flinched at the name and Logan made a mental note not to mention it again. Roman nodded, more tears falling from his eyes.

“That- that…!” Logan couldn’t think of a bad enough word to describe the side. “I’m going to go give him a piece of my mind.”

“Don’t!” Roman sat up, reaching out to clutch Logan’s arm. He groaned at the sudden motion, and Logan helped lay him back down. “Don’t…” He said again, this time just a quiet whisper.

Logan’s eyes softened as he took in the other side and he reached out, fixing his hair. Roman seemed to relax at the touch, melting into it.

“I know you’re worried, but he can’t hurt me.” Logan reminded.

“Don’t leave me.”

Logan frowned, taking in the fear in the others voice.

“You know he can’t hurt you here, right? You’re safe.”

“Please.”

At the desperation in Roman’s voice Logan nodded, a silent promise to remain by Roman’s side. That seemed to help soothe him and Logan let out a sigh of relief.

Logan didn’t want to pry, but he didn’t know how to help Roman if he didn’t understand the situation. They were sides, they shouldn’t get hurt. He knows it’s happened to Roman before, such as when he threw a paper at him or when Remus knocked him out, but he never thought it could go to this extent. If so then shouldn’t Roman be littered with scars after years of battling the dragon witch?

Logan let out a deep sigh, looking down at Roman, who’s eyes were half closed, his eyebrows pinched in discomfort.

“Do you mind telling me how Re- how you got hurt?”

Roman shifted nervously, biting at his lip and Logan reached out, rubbing his thumb over it until he let go. It was already bleeding enough, no need to agitate the wound further. Roman frowned, unappreciative, and Logan grabbed his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. If Roman felt comfort in having something to clamp down on, then his hand would have to do.

“I know the memory is unsavory, but I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong. Though, I encourage you to take your time. You don’t have to reveal anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

Roman nodded, squeezing his eyes closed. More tears spilled out and Logan wiped them away with his free hand.

“He used to be reigned in and n-now he’s running free. Ever… Ever since the last video I haven’t been able to get rid of him.”

“You’ve been dealing with this for that long?” Logan mumbled, astonished, and Roman nodded. “Oh, Roman, I should have noticed and helped you sooner.”

Roman shook his head, his nails digging into Logan’s hand. Logan ran his thumb over the back of Roman’s hand, comforting him.

“I-I thought I could handle him, l-like before. But he corrupted every day dream and whispered in my ear a-and I-I haven’t been able to sleep. He keeps showing me awful things and telling me that he’ll replace me as… As creativity! A-and I tried, I kept trying to fight back, but with every blow I got weaker and I just, it hurts so bad Logan. It hurts. I couldn’t do it anymore. I-I couldn’t…”

His voice trailed off as he began to sob and Logan’s heart broke for him. He reached out, combing his hand through his hair, doing whatever he could to help lessen his pain.

“Shh, it’s okay. I know you hurt, I know. But I’m going to fix you, okay? I won’t let him get to you again, I promise.”

“I-I wanted to ignore him like you did b-but I couldn’t!” He hiccuped.

“Well, it’s not that I ignored him. I just understood that his power comes from the mind, that none of it is real.” Logan’s eyes lit up with realization. “But as creativity, you don’t understand that! You believe in the power of the imagination, and that makes his attacks real, and gives them power to hurt you. Of course!”

Logan jumped up, ignoring Roman’s whine as he reached out to him. He summoned a first aid kit before returning to Roman’s side.

“It’s like he’s a placebo. Since you believe it’s real, it affects you. So, it’s safe to assume that if you believe you can get hurt, then you believe you can be healed.”

He helped Roman remove his shirt and hissed as he noticed how many cuts and bruises covered his skin. He pulled out the disinfectant, pouring it on a cotton ball and pressing it to one of Roman’s wounds.

On instinct Roman flinched, hissing at the sting. Logan smirked to himself.

“I know a lot of disinfectants sting, but this one doesn’t.”

The pain in Roman’s face ebbed away, replaced by confusion.

“O-oh, yeah. I guess it was just cold.”

Logan smiled. Belief is a powerful thing, especially to Roman.

He continued cleansing the wounds, moving on to covering them with antibiotic ointment before putting on the bandages. Roman laid still, something Logan never thought the creative side was capable of.

“All done!” Logan announced, summoning a cherry lollipop.

Roman quickly grabbed it from him and Logan chuckled at his enthusiasm. Though, the excitement in Roman’s eyes faded as he glanced over at his discarded shirt.

“That one was my favorite…” He commented, forlorn.

“I’ll fix it up for you, okay? In the meantime, why don’t you get some rest?”

Sides didn’t really need sleep, but given Roman’s current state Logan guessed it’d be the only way to help him gain some energy back. Roman nodded, closing his eyes, and Logan went to his desk, summoning a stain stick and sewing kit.

Before he began he paused, looking over to where Roman was resting.

“Hey, Roman?” He asked, hoping the other was awake.

“Huh?” Roman hummed, peeling open an eye.

“I was just curious… How come you’ve never been hurt before, given all your battles with the dragon witch?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Roman replied with a smile, closing his eye again. “I don’t lose.”

Logan wanted to know more, but Roman’s breathing evened out and he decided that it’d be best left alone. He instead turned his attention to the tattered shirt lying before him, pulling the cap off the stain stick and setting to work.

It was about an hour later, when he was admiring his finished product, that he noticed Roman thrashing in bed. The sheets were wrapped around him and his hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat.

Logan ran over, shirt forgotten, and shook Roman’s shoulder, trying to wake him up. The other side’s face was contorted and he was mumbling in his sleep. Finally he bolted upright, his eyes wide and breathing quick and uneven.

Before Logan could say anything Roman turned to look at him. His eyes immediately filled with tears and he lunged forward pulling Logan into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured on repeat, sobbing into Logan’s chest.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” Logan promised, rubbing Roman’s back. “It was just a dream, whatever happened I’m okay.”

“I-It felt so real!” Roman revealed, his voice muffled in Logan’s shirt. “I-I was fighting the dragon witch b-but before… B-before I could strike her roar faded out a-and his voice s-said, it said, “Imagine if you missed.” A-and then I did! And she, th-the dragon witch, attacked me. And then I… I imagined that you came to help me but then the voice, it, the voice came again. A-and said, “Oh, what fun would it be if she ate him?” But I didn’t want her to! I didn’t! B-but I couldn’t get up a-and you were calling for help and the dragon witch was laughing and I saw… I saw her teeth tear into you and you were screaming and there was so much blood and and-”

“It’s okay, I’m okay,” Logan reminded, resting his chin on Roman’s head. “I’m right here, nothing’s going to happen to me. I promise.”

In his arms, Roman was shaking, terrified, and Logan squeezed him tighter. He clung to Logan’s shirt and Logan found himself unable to care about the wrinkles that that would leave.

“I’d say it was just a nightmare, but I think we both know who’s responsible.”

“I-I thought you said he couldn’t get to me in here.”

Logan flinched, unable to bare the thought that he’d given Roman a false sense of security.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Logan tried to come up with a way to make it better and settled for giving Roman a small kiss on the top of his head. He’d found that the other sides found such expressions of affection endearing. “He couldn’t physically get to you, but it appears that in your absence he has full control over the imagination, and therefore is better able to control dreams. I think the only way to stop him is to fight back.”

“I-I thought you said not to repress intrusive thoughts.”

“I said that Thomas shouldn’t repress them. But these aren’t intrusive thoughts for you, he’s purposely pushing you out of your territory. He’s being a bully.”

“But I already tried fighting back!”

“You tried to fight back physically. I was unbothered by his attacks, but clearly you are. Use your imagination to your advantage. Instead of letting him control it, you take control.”

“I-I don’t understand.” Roman sat up, watching Logan get up and throw his shirt at him. He slipped it on and climbed out of bed.

“We’re going to take the fight to him. To the imagination.”

Roman took a step back, looking timid. It was an unnatural look on him.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Roman, it’s your realm too. You can’t let him take over.” He reached out, grabbing Roman’s hand. “You can do this, I’ll be right by your side the whole time. I believe in you.”

Roman’s cheeks reddened and he nodded, feeling more bold.

“O-okay, let’s go!”

Logan led Roman down the hall, the latter becoming more resistant the closer they got to their destination. He dug his heels into the ground when they reached the door, eyeing it cautiously.

“I-I changed my mind. I don’t know if I can do this.”

Logan gave his hand a squeeze and offered him an encouraging smile.

“I’m not going to force you to if you don’t want to, but I don’t have any other solutions to get him to stop. Just know, I wouldn’t have brought you here if I didn’t know you could do it.”

Roman nodded, steeling his nerves.

“Let’s do this!”

He pushed the door open, revealing a fantasy world. Mountains stuck out in the horizon and they stood in the center of a market, merchants selling anything from exotic fruits to potions and enchanted armor.

Standing before them was a woman in a black dress, wings and horns marking her different from the other shoppers. She grinned when she saw them, her teeth jagged and pointed.

“Prince Roman, ready for a round two already? Oh, and I see you brought your delicious little friend! How did you know I was starting to feel a bit peckish? You’re so thoughtful!”

Roman let out a growl, moving to stand in front of Logan and brandishing his sword.

“Don’t even think of it, witch! I won’t let you touch him, not again.”

The dragon witch laughed. “Oh, come now, enough dramatics. There’s no need to fight, really. Just hand him over and I’ll be on my way.”

“Never!”

The witch’s amused expression hardened, turning into a glare. Her eyes began to glow a sickening green, her voice growing deep and deafening.

“Fine, if you want to fight, then so be it.”

She began levitating, a mist forming around her. She let out a scream, transforming into a full fledged dragon. A stream of fire burst from her mouth and Roman pulled Logan out of the way.

“I’ve won a thousand times before! Don’t think that one defeat will deter me!”

Roman lunged forward, stabbing downward at her claws. Before he could hit, his ears began to ring.

“Imagine that you miss.”

The sword pulled itself from its trajectory, stabbing into the ground instead. Roman felt himself panic as he tried to pull it out.

The dragon swept out a wing, knocking Roman to the side. Logan ran over to where he fell, helping him up.

“Y-you need to get out of here.” Roman told him but Logan shook his head. “Please, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

The dragon turned to them, the back of her throat beginning to glow, warning them of a fireball. Roman gasped, grabbing Logan and acting as a human shield.

“Roman, fire can’t hurt us, it’s raining!” Logan announced.

Upon hearing the words, Roman felt water stream down his face. He looked up at the grey clouds, then back down at Logan, who was grinning.

The dragon launched the fireball, which immediately fizzled out in a puff of smoke.

“How…?” Roman tilted his head, staring at Logan in disbelief.

“You have the power, Roman. This is your realm, whatever you imagine, whatever you believe, becomes real. Why do you think you never lose? Don’t let him influence you.”

Roman grinned, summoning a shield and handing it to Logan.

“Stay safe.”

He raced off, going back for his sword.

“The rain turned the dirt to mud and now my sword is free,” he mumbled to himself.

He found his sword lying in a puddle, just as he’d imagined, and turned to send Logan a thumbs up. He turned back to the dragon, letting out a shout and attacking.

He got in several blows before the voice returned.

“You’re going to slip in the mud?”

And so, with the thought in his head, he did. He fell forward, his sword flying from his hand, leaving him defenseless.

He could see Logan yelling at him, probably encouraging him to get up or warning him of an incoming attack, but his voice remained muffled.

“You’re defenseless now… It would be a shame if the dragon witch went after your friend.”

“N-no,” Roman muttered, sliding in the mud as he tried to stand. He watched as the dragon turned her attention away from him and towards Logan.

“It’s okay, Roman!” Logan assured, holding up his shield against the lumbering creature. “You’re brother is no better than a boggart from Harry Potter. Just take the awful things he says and turn them into something better. Use your imagination.”

Roman summoned a bow and arrow, refusing to stay down without a fight. He shot at the dragon, regaining her attention.

The voice of his brother laughed. “Have you ever thought about shooting Logan?”

He felt his muscles shift, the aim of his bow changing directory. He screwed his eyes shut against the thought, knowing there was no use in trying to fight against his brother. Shooting Logan…

The bow in his hand morphed into a camera and he shot a picture. He smiled at the angry shout of his brother.

He pictured himself in rain boots and suddenly the mud wasn’t too slippery. He stood, regaining his fighting stance, and going after the dragon once again.

He fought for a while longer before the voice returned.

“Imagine her eating Logan.”

Just like in the dream the dragon turned to Logan with a snarl, her teeth bared. But unlike in the dream, this time Roman knew how to fight back.

“No,” he shook his head, a wry smile on his face. “Imagine her eating with Logan.”

Suddenly the scene shifted into a fancy restaurant, the dragon witch and Logan sitting at a table, a waiter pouring them drinks.

Roman let out a laugh at the absurdity of it all and his brother appeared, his face red.

“You can’t just do that! I was in control here! I’m stronger than you, the better creativity. Thomas can’t ignore me any longer!”

“You may be different than Roman, but you are in no way better,” Logan replied as he took a bite of a breadstick. “And this is Roman’s territory too, he can control it just as well as you. Your ideas may be able to bother Thomas, but those are his thoughts. You don’t get to control Roman’s, only he does that.”

“Yeah!” Roman chimed in, crossing his arms.

Remus let out a growl, summoning a hammer. He hit Logan, who only blinked.

“This isn’t real, you know that, right?” He asked, tilting his head.

Remus glowered at him before hitting Roman, his hammer letting out a squeak. He looked down at what was now a children’s toy and threw it on the ground with a yell.

“Wonder how that happened…” Roman feigned innocence and Logan let out a snort.

“Y-you haven’t seen the last of the Duke!” Remus shouted, marching off. The dragon witch stuck out her tongue at them before following after him.

Once they were gone Roman let out a sigh of relief, slumping against the table. Logan reached out, giving his hand a squeeze.

“I’m proud of you, Roman. I know it took a lot of courage to stand up to him like that.”

“It was all thanks to you, really. How can I ever repay you for your help?”

Logan waved the notion off. “I was happy to help, really.” Then he grinned. “Although, we are already at this restaurant and I am feeling kinda hungry…”

Roman grinned, jumping into the dragon witch’s abandoned chair. He snapped his fingers and their mud soaked clothes transformed into fancy suits. The waiter appeared before them, listing the specials.

Roman looked down at the camera in his hand, which had finished developing the photo. He thought Logan would look worried in it, afraid of being shot with an arrow, or that he’d be focused on the dragon witch, but instead he was looking right at the camera, right at Roman. Roman smiled as he took in Logan’s encouraging expression, knowing that he’d meant it when he said he believed in him. Plus, that shield really suited him.

“I’m hanging this on my wall,” Roman commented, showing the picture to Logan. He could have sworn Logan’s cheeks reddened.

“I’m glad we have a photo to capture our first adventure together.”

Roman’s brows furrowed at that.

“No, this can’t be our first adventure. I go on adventures all the time. Like that time I was a sea captain with… Patton… Or that time I owned a haunted mansion with… Virgil. Oh, Logan I’m so sorry for never inviting you into my realm before.”

Logan just shrugged, looking away. “It’s quite alright, Roman. I’m sure that, given the fact that I’m logic, it could be assumed that I wouldn’t enjoy such activities.”

“I still should have asked…”

“But why would you, it’s not like we’re friends or anything. I was surprised to see you at my door, no ones ever visited me before.”

Roman felt like he’d been punched. Logan didn’t think they were friends? Of course they were friends! Even if… He’d never given an indication of such. And no one visited Logan? He thought for sure Patton and Virgil were friends with him outside of videos. He knew they did a few group things, but come to think of it, did he ever see Logan outside of that?

“Of course we’re friends!” Roman announced and Logan’s eyes widened.

“W-we are?”

“Yes!”

Logan looked happy at first but soon grew quiet. He thought for a few seconds before standing up. “Well, you haven’t been a very good friend.”

And with that, he left. Roman let out a groan, putting his head against the table. All the names he’d called Logan and times he’d ignored his interests came to mind and he felt like such an idiot.

“I have to make this up to him.”

The next day Roman knocked on Logan’s door once again. The logical side was much quicker to answer this time, his eyes full of worry.

“Roman, did something happen again?”

Roman frowned, grabbing Logan’s hand and pulling him down the hall.

“No, I’m sorry for making you believe that the only reason I’d come to you is if I needed something. We’re going on an adventure, a real one.”

When they reached the imagination Roman changed them both into space suits. They stepped forward, into a rocket ship.

Logan let out a gasp, studying the controls in awe. “Roman, you really didn’t have to…”

“I wanted to,” Roman revealed, showing Logan how to start the ship, “we’re friends after all, it’s only right that I find an adventure that caters to your interests.”

Logan grinned at him, flipping a switch and listening the countdown. They buckled in, yelling as the ship took off.

Once in space, they floated around the cabin, Logan staring out the window in fascination.

“The reason I came to you yesterday,” Roman began, believing it only fair to let him know, “is that you’re calm and collected. I trusted you’d be able to help me and know how to handle the situation. If I… If I had shown up like that at anyone else’s door there would have been a mass panic.” He let out a sigh looking away. “I was also… Scared. Of my brother. But you… You had stood up to him. I admired that. I felt safe with you.”

“Roman…” Logan pulled Roman into a hug. “I’m glad you came to me.”

Roman smiled at him. “Me too.”

The soft moment ended as quickly as it started, as alarms began to sound. Roman grinned excitedly, showing Logan how to attack the alien ship. Logan protested at first, saying they should form an alliance with the aliens.

So, after a long day, the two had ended up with quite a large army formed of different species. They also ended up a few human colonies on different planets and several trade agreements. Luckily for Roman, there were also some battles with species that refused to stand down.

Roman watched Logan’s eyes shine as he stared out at the stars and made a mental note to hang out with him more often. They were friends, after all.

(No tag list because I don't know who's seen the new video or anyone's thoughts about Remus yet)

#sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #ts spoilers #thomas sanders #my fic #tw blood mention #tw fighting #tw intrusive thoughts #tw injury #tw food

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dbh-is-a-crime · 4 years

Text

All Dbh Chapters

@kaydel your reply to my ask has inspired me to give my thoughts on each of the chapters.

Chapter 1: The Hostage

Is honestly a good first chapter, the tension and stakes are high, it pulls you in. There's a reason people who played the demo were hyped for the game. And regardless of what I think of Cage's writing, it's not the first time he's done a solid intro to a game. (Swiftly followed by garbage but I digress..)

We learn something about deviancy and how it starts, we get a sequence of dialogue based gameplay to set up how important it is to the story, and we get a taste of Connor’s somewhat underdeveloped investigation gameplay.

I will admit that there are several lines I kind of like in this scene (’You can’t kill me, I’m not alive’ I’d like this even better if Bryan didn’t love it so much) And most of the outcomes are very cool!

Chapter 2: Opening

Is not a chapter, it's the opening credits. It's not really interesting, but it's not as bad as Heavy Rain's, only because it's about half as long. Kara was robbed.

Chapter 3: Shades of Color

What a title am I right! And no, it's not just because of the paints. This chapter, title aside, isn't bad! We don't learn anything about Markus but it sets the world up nicely. It's one of the cooler open areas. It shows off the graphics nicely.

And all of that is promptly ruined by the overly heavy-handed scene with the protesters. With the follow up of the back of the bus! Also the preacher guy is weird what was the point of that.

Chapter 4: A New Home

Easily one of the most (if not The Most) boring chapters in the game. Mundane QTEs? We all looooooove those! At the end of the chapter you get some exposition to a very nice composition (this game really would be nothing without the music) and that part is actually ok. But the mundane housework gameplay doesn’t get a pass, even if it is to give context for what the life of an android is like. Would be 100% better if there was 40% less housework.

Chapter 5: The Painter

A solid chapter! Learning about Markus through his interactions with Carl? An actual good narrative device? Unbelievable. At surface level their relationship is sweet and Carl is so supportive of Markus growing beyond his programming. Though there is a darker undertone that mirrors the caged android birds. And that it’s all a gilded cage. And I like both of those interpretations, they’re interesting.

The music mini game is interesting the first time you do it but after that I’m never picking it again, chess it is from now on.

Chapter 6: Partners

Connor’s return after 5 chapters. I think that might be the longest break between appearances for any of them. Anyway this chapter is mostly fine. It sets up Hank and Connor’s troubled partnership and shows us what most of Connor’s gameplay is going to be. (Detective work and trying to reason with Hank) It would be interesting if there was an option to let Ortiz’ android go, seeing as there if a version of the scene where you don’t find him. But I guess it’s too early for Connor to be disobeying.

Chapter 7: Stormy Night

Classic David Cage has women being abused by men! Unfortunately this is one of Kara’s best chapters. The tension from the very first moment if real, and as soon as Alice runs up stairs, you just know what’s going to happen. Without fail, every person I’ve ever watched, immediately tries to follow her. Honestly? Solid way to make me care about the kid.

I know some folks have problems with showing child abuse on screen, but my opinion is that they kept the worst of it as implied, like in the failed ending of the chapter, you don’t see it actually happen. So I’m personally okay with it, but I can understand why some may disagree.

10/10 for the chase/escape scene. It’s stressful as hell but honestly the music just makes it...like idk the moment Kara deviates? I nearly, literally screamed the first time. The build up to it is so good, and you as the player are determined to protect Alice and will fight through the programming to do it.

Chapter 8: Broken

Gonna be honest, Markus’ deviating scene falls a little flatter for me. I’ve watched several people play for the first time and actively not want to break programming and retaliate. Which makes the fact that its a scripted event you can’t avoid frustrating to them. I guess we just haven’t seen any anger from him yet so it doesn’t feel like the reaction you expect? (I get that it’s supposed to be him finally cracking, the story just...doesn’t convey that very well.)

Also the fact that you get punished for staying silent with Carl dying is shitty.

Chapter 9: The Interrogation

Talk about fucking tense! This scene is a real challenge, in either difficulty. Unless you don’t care about the android self-destructing?

I don’t have much else to say, it’s not a bad scene but there’s not a lot of substance to it. The ‘the day will come when we will no longer be slaves’ line is...the start of the truly terrible writing choices in this game.

Chapter 10: Fugitives

Not a bad scene. Getting to choose to steal a bunch of stuff is fun, and the fact that you can steal all this shit and then go and sleep in the car is pretty funny. I don’t like the house or Ralph, just because it’s another chance to put a female character at risk from a male character. 7/10 I’m never picking the house. (Also did you know you can fail to steal from that guy in the laundromat and he wakes up lmao)

Chapter 11: From The Dead

Ok this is going to be kind of a controversial opinion...but I’m tired of this scene. While it’s true that no scene in the game holds up on the 20th watch/play, this scene lost most of it’s shock value on the 3rd watch. Now that being said, the sound design in the scene is brilliant. And putting the audio processor back in does still give me chills, but the rest of the scene? I mean, I guess cannibalising other androids is a pretty powerful story action. But the fact that you can take all of the things you need from dead androids if you search hard enough kind of ruins that for me.

Also idk why but everyone collectively thinks that Markus screams when he reaches the top of the slope and I have no idea why.

Chapter 12: Waiting For Hank

Boooooooring. Ok, getting beat up by Gavin after refusing to make him coffee is mildly interesting. But the fact that Hank just hates you in the scene is honestly quite tiring. Like, his opinion of Connor will inevitably go down at least once, you can’t avoid that. Also there’s nothing to explore in the office so...

Chapter 13: On The Run

Both versions of this scene are very tense. And not in...a super fun way. Like ok, Kara has that empowering woman moment where she cuts her hair, great, but the rest of the scene isn’t that good. (And the version with Ralph is downright disturbing.)

Chapter 14: Jericho

Oh god let’s players cannot do this part. And the amount of time I’ve spent watching people run around clueless because they weren’t paying even the slightest attention or follow the obvious path, makes me hate this chapter. I also hate it because the gameplay isn’t very interesting. Markus’ precog is mildly interesting, but that’s really it. (The end of this chapter has some pretty stunning visuals tho)

Chapter 15: The Nest

Ok, the opening conversation with Hank is cute if Connor is trying to be nice. Though the actual chase is pretty tense. The music is on point as always, because the composers for this game were very overqualified for the job. Also the fact that you get punished for not saving Hank both amuses and vexes me. You don’t catch the guy because you were a shitty partner. But what was the point of taking the risk with Hank if there’s no reward? (Yes I know he still ends up in evidence lock up but that’s hardly reward enough for risking your partner’s life)

I mean okay the pigeons flying through the roof is pretty funny, but the investigation in the apartment isn’t all that interesting. Also I’ve just realised I haven’t mentioned the Zen Garden once but honestly most of the scenes there aren’t that interesting anyway.

Chapter 16: Time To Decide

Wow where do I start on how uninteresting this chapter is. You learn very little about Markus’ companions, you get to have a conversation with a magical minority, and you get a line about an android being dragged behind the back of a car. (After reading the wiki about James Byrd I feel genuinely sick and could not be more disgusted that this was used so clumsily in the game.)

Chapter 17: Zlatko

His name sounds like a brand. Also this is my least favourite Kara chapter. They go to his place for almost no reason (just so they can get caught) and we get a 20 minute scene of Zlatko being a cartoonish monster of a man. Also this has been pointed out and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Why is Kara scared of Luther when she sees him? Like...??? Anyway re-finding her memories is boring, finding Alice is also boring, and hiding from Zlatko is just stressful. Nothing interesting to the story happens here, except that Luther joins Kara and Alice.

Chapter 18: Russian Roulette

Perhaps the shortest chapter in the game. It’s not like...super boring, but it’s not interesting either. Also don’t forget to notice the picture on the table or you’ll have no chance of getting the good ending later! Seriously, they should have made it a requirement for the scene to move on if it’s going to be that important.

Chapter 19: Spare Parts

The whole freerunning thing at the start is lame. And the fact that you have to grab the android and then release him to get the best outcome is confusing as hell. (I have seen many folks fuck this up.) The part where you sneak around in the guard house is actually kind of cool. Also North go down if you’re nice to people....I love this game.

Chapter 20: The Eden Club

Pity the lesbian sexworker androids!!! In all seriousness though this is a chapter I do not like. The endings are unfulfilling, the whole storyline is gross, poorly written and very Cage-esque. (Also why would you make the two android lovers the same model?! Just make one of them one of the other 8 female WR800 models you have!) I mean I guess I can say that the glowly design of the sexclub is nice or whatever.

Chapter 21: Pirate’s Cove

Ok this is a personal one but I don’t like this chapter. Something about the family dynamic between the three falls flat for me and so the whole scene being about them makes it...ehh. Also Kara under threat again! Woohoo! The scene on the carousel is kind of cute and the scene composition is nice, but the fact that all the Jerrys are standing around watching is a little weird. Also bait us with rA9 crap why don’t you! we’ll just never learn anything about this i guess

Chapter 22: The Bridge

I like this chapter to be honest. I know Pirate’s Cove is meant to be relaxed but I find this chapter more relaxing. Even if it ends with a gun to Connor’s head. I mean it’s not that hard to not get shot really. And seeing Hank start to care and question their mission is interesting. I don’t know, I guess I just like the visuals of the snow and the bridge. (Anyone notices that it goes from raining to snowing like three days later, wtf)

Chapter 23: The Stratford Tower

Now this one is complicated. Because I like the breaking in and getting up to the broadcast department part, I even like the pre-speech tension. Markus carrying the weight of history and knowing his words will shape what people across the world think of androids.

The music as he gets ready to start the speech is....just so good. But then he starts talking and.....mmmmm press x for civil right yes please! Press square to end slavery? Absolutely! God...the writing in this scene is Bad. Which is a shame! Because it squanders the carefully crafted tension built up until this point. I like the energy going into this scene, the idea that they’re about to take a stand, make history. But it is unfortunately ruined for the sake of a poorly executed racism allegory.

Chapter 24: Public Enemy

Ok, going to investigate the crime scene of what you just did as Markus is pretty good. Its not an original idea, that was the opening sequence for Indigo Prophecy, but it still works I’m not going to lie. Also the cop from the Hostage showing up to thank you if you saved him is cute. The fact that Hank is starting to question Connor and look for signs of deviancy in him is also nice! Also I hate it but going after Simon gives you a more cohesive storyline if you’re going for a deviant Connor route. (Can I get an F for Simon? He can die so many different ways)

Chapter 25: Midnight Train

Can’t believe that the chapter about the underground railroad is literally called Midnight Train. Yeah the dialogue in this? Shocking, terrible, absolutely unforgivable. Rose I am so sorry this happened to you. Also a cop arrives to....put Kara in peril at the hands of a male character again! Can’t go a chapter without that!

Chapter 26: Capitol Park

Hmmmmmmmmm. ‘We have a dream’? ‘I can’t breathe, but I’m still alive’? Hi, yes, hello? David Cage is doing it again, yeah he’s co-opting black history for his story about androids, somebody needs to stop him. Why did no one stop him.

Ok, most of this chapter other than that is ok. It’s not particularly good, but it’s ok. (wiLL yOu bE gOoD oR eViL?!?!1)

Chapter 27: Meet Kamski

Ok this man is so creepy and emotionally manipulative and as a narrative tool I’ve actually come to love it. Like the tone of this chapter is such a breath of fresh air. Maybe it’s just the fact that they added a new character after such a long time and that he knows more than he ever lets on. rA9 baited again...

Also this is Connor’s turning point in a way. You can still choose to change your path later on, but this is the real moment of truth where a character pushes him to reveal where he’s at. (Also the fucking MUSIC)

Chapter 28: Freedom March

Oh no. I’m so sorry Markus you deserve better. I hate this chapter if you can’t tell. The combo of the black history slogans and the jesus music is too much for me. Also the good ending is locked behind Simon being alive/Spare Parts success route??? Also F for that random android who’s name is John that we hear about twice.

Chapter 29: Last Chance, Connor

I usually keep a low profile with Gavin so I miss out on the beatdown unfortunately. But having the option is hilarious. If you don’t sacrifice at the march, Simon is alive, interrogation bad end, Rupert and the Tracis escape....can you even find Jericho?

Just a thought, anyway this is short but tense chapter. Don’t hate it.

Chapter 30: Crossroads

Kara’s part of this is dumb as hell. The Alice twist literally destroys the storyline but anyway...

Markus has very little to do until the end. His version is ok, but Jesse’s line delivery leaves something to be desired. (You’re one of us....)

Connor’s is easily the most interesting of the three concurrent stories at this point. Going in to capture Markus/North, chasing them through the hold if ur a machine..very good.

And....going deviant. Okay yes that still gets me, I did actually shout YES!! out loud the first time I witnessed it. The music’s slow build in the scene, and most of the dialogue (if you choose carefully) swells to this point and...and..it happens!!

Like idk I’ve only been slowly building up to this for 9 hours, sue me.

Chapter 31: Night Of The Soul

I like this chapter! Or Markus’ version anyway. Connor’s...well the Hank version is just sad. The Jericho version is fine.

But Markus? Visiting Carl’s grave or the man himself is such an emotional moment for the character. And the single humanising moment he’s had in several chapters. The conversation is so weighted with his doubts and fears and Jesse Williams gives a beautiful performance! (Also as I’ve said, the alarm system saying ‘welcome home markus’ kills me on impact)

Chapter 32: Battle For Detroit

Is a good chapter. What, did you expect me to say it isn’t? Cause it is. Or some versions of it are.

The tension in all three characters stories, regardless of which version, is perfectly hit at this point.

Kara’s....ah fuck idk I mean the border version is ok? The others....kind of suck? The guy letting them through with high public opinion and Markus doing a peaceful demonstration is kind of cute and sort of makes sense in a way.

Markus’ versions (both in which he is alive) are pretty cool. The revolution is hard, and I do like that it ends with him saying that they haven’t won, they’ve only started a war. The demonstration is kind of dumb, and I actually prefer them getting shot and then the news anchors suggesting that maybe androids are people in their own right that humans refused to acknowledge. (Feels more real, ya know?) Also black folk song!! Why??

Gonna be real, most of Connor’s versions of this scene are pretty good. Cyberlife tower is tense as hell but he’s a fucking badass. Machine Connor on the roof gives us the best line in the game. ‘What’s up lieutenant, ran out of whiskey so you came here looking for trouble?’

So that’s some of my thoughts on each of the chapters of dbh, I could go into more depth but my eyes hurt and I’ll probably hit post limit soon.

#dbh meta #ramblings #mine

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makeste · 5 years

Text

BnHA 235: How Do I Turn This Flashback Off

Previously on BnHA: Re-Destro plucked off three of Tomura’s left fingers like flower petals and also destroyed one of his Emotional Support Hands in the process, prompting Tomura to have more flashbacks. We learned that AFO specifically gave Tomura the hands so that Tomura would never get over the trauma of the whole experience (like, he even told him this directly, wtf). We then got more flashbacks of Hana, as well as new flashbacks of Tomura’s mother and grandparents. Our boy then started to use his quirk on RD with only two fingers, which prompted RD to be all “wha?!” and let him go and finally realize that Tomura was going through a good old-fashioned shounen awakening process. Not wanting to be on the wrong end of this, he powered up himself and tried to finish Tomura off. But as he tried (and failed) to deliver a final blow, Gigantomachia finally came storming into town. At the same time, Tomura finally remembered everything (!!!) and got this really sad look on his face, and holy shit you guys the hype for this next chapter is real.

Today on BnHA: The tragic story of the Shimura family is finally revealed in all of its inevitably doomed glory. This chapter deserves an introduction from Lemony Snicket. This is not a fun time you guys. Baby Tenko was pure and idealistic and wanted nothing more than to be a hero just like All Might (and hey thanks Horikoshi, that was a nice heart I had once before you ripped it out and stabbed it 27 times here), and his father was a bitter and broken man harboring unresolved abandonment issues which he needlessly took out on his own children because humans are flawed and sometimes terrible. And we all know how the story ends, so if you happen to not have the stomach to watch terrified little boys being beaten by their parents, or cute little dogs getting hugged and then crumbled to dust offscreen, or if you don’t feel like getting faked out by Horikoshi half a dozen times because he’s a fucking troll who knows full well what he’s doing, might I suggest putting this chapter down and taking a stroll on over to the theater next door? It’s not too late to see a film about a happy little elf.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

YESSSSSSSSS

YOU GUYS, I HAVEN’T EVEN FUCKING CLICKED TO THE CHAPTER YET AND MY HYPE HAS ALREADY ASCENDED TO NEW UNPRECEDENTED HEIGHTS. DID I NOT SAY??

AND LO AND BEHOLD, MY GD MIND IS BEING LOST AS WE SPEAK OMG

anyways so yeah I fucking called this back in chapter 222, along with a zillion other people I’m sure. but still, feels good

and this officially makes Tenko the fourth character to receive an “origin” chapter now, after Deku (chapter 01), Shouto (chapter 39), and Katsuki (chapter 62). so that’s actually a pretty big deal! this whole thing just makes me really happy because I love seeing such a carefully planned character arc come together, and it’s so pleasing and gratifying to see the pieces falling into place exactly as they should. it’s like watching one of those “oddly satisfying” youtube compilations. this is the manga equivalent of this. god I can’t wait to watch it play out

anyway so here’s the color spread we were promised last week! awesome

look at all of these characters we haven’t seen in a couple months. it’s a testament to how thoroughly entertaining this arc has been that I haven’t missed class 1-A nearly as much as I would have expected. which isn’t to say I don’t miss them dearly! but it’s just, normally I’d be practically going through withdrawals if you took my favorite characters away for such a long time. and I mean, we cut away right when Kacchan and Shouto had finally gotten their hero licenses, and Deku was going through “AFO’S POWER!?!?” angst, and so forth! and then we just left them for almost half a fucking year! that’s insane!!

but like, the shocking thing to me is that I genuinely have been pretty cool with it. that’s how compelling this arc has been to me. it’s nothing at all like the Basement Arc where I was all but ready to start slapping posters of Bakugou’s face on the walls asking “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHILD?” like, I am sincerely shocked to tell you the truth. this arc could go on for another month or two and I probably wouldn’t mind, so long as the quality remained this high. and that’s the biggest compliment to Horikoshi that I can think of. good fucking job dude

that being said, I don’t think this arc will continue much longer, and it is awesome to see the 1-A kids again all the same, so let’s just take in this page real quick before finally getting on to the Tragic Tenko Memories action

I like how Bakugou and Deku have both incorporated elements from their hero costumes into their orange ensembles for no real reason. but they are literally the only two characters who have done this, so I feel it’s worth pointing out

speaking of things that are there for no real reason, Bakugou also has a string tied around his ankle just completely at random. someone want to tell me what’s up with this? should I start inspecting the other characters’ ankles to see if there is a matching one

Mineta looks super cute, there I said it. I’m sorry but it’s true. let’s just cut him out of the rest of the manga moving forward and only have him randomly hovering in the background every so often. Mineta you can’t fly so what are you even doing dude

All Might is just completely defying gravity. just standing on absolutely nothing at all at a 45-degree lean. everyone else who’s mid-air is at least in the process of jumping or landing. but not All Might, no ma’am. he just doesn’t give a fuck

I see you there Inasa. up there spreading joy. and lest you guys believe Seiji and Camie were left out, let me assure you they were not and they are actually chilling over on a bridge just below Bakugou’s mystery bracelet. so that’s nice and also I still ship them yep

Miruko is here which gives me hope we’ll be seeing more of her soon! yes please Horikoshi do this for me

Hawks has no right to look so bored when he so recently texted Dabi a picture of a backpack sitting on his front porch with the caption “your package from Amazon has been delivered.” you are the reason Best Jeanist isn’t in this cover spread, Hawks, so what do you have to say for yourself

Todoroki has the fondest fucking expression on his face, and if you follow his gaze I swear to god it’s landing on Bakugou of all fucking people which makes me believe that contrary to everyone’s initial expectations, he is the one who actually has the matching ankle bracelet. that’s right kids, it was TodoBaku all along, we’ve all been played. either that or he’s looking at Tokoyami. idk guys the whirlwind teenage romance drama continues

anyways I hope everyone is good and cheered by this page, because we’re about to step back into our bleak and violent villain narrative now so say goodbye

okay so the first page is basically just RD thinking about how he’s refined his “stress” ability since childhood and that it can’t be dodged easily, but Tomura still managed to do it

and then we’re cutting to Tomura’s face which has the same sort of weary shell-shocked expression we ended the last chapter on, and ffff you guys I’m not ready but here we go anyway I guess

hooooooly shit

that is some good dramatic imagery. can’t wait to see Viz’s version when it comes out; that last panel definitely deserves to be seen in its fully restored glory

but anyway, so! that’s the Papa Hand! he just took it out of his pocket! and now he’s just holding it and staring at it! SHIT’S ABOUT TO GET REAL HERE YOU GUYS. THE SHIT IS ABOUT TO BUST THROUGH THE WALL AND WATASHI GA KITA THIS BITCH

why does he look so happy oh god :’D this is about to fuck me up isn’t it

so he remembered all the details of the Shimura Massacre and now he’s thinking that he really is just a vicious killing machine? is that what it is? oh god Horikoshi just show us already I can’t take it

but first we’re cutting to Re-Destro posing villainously and looking for all the world like that demon from the “Night on Bald Mountain” segment in Fantasia. I don’t know if it’s intentional or not, but the art for RD these last couple chapters has been giving me a strong old-school Disney animation vibe. they came up with some scary stuff back in the day

Horikoshi really got us rooting for the guy who’s arguing for the destruction of the world. smdh. like I said, we’re being played

OH NO OH SHIT HERE WE GO

okay, without knowing anything at all about the context of this scene, I immediately suspect that this shadowy man tipping his hat toward Tenko and Mama Shimura might be All for One up to his bullshit but let’s see

(ETA: this is probably Mikkun and/or Tomo-chan’s dad actually. but I’m still watching you, mister.)

oh shit oh shit oh shit you guys aahhsdfhshah

SHIMURA KOTARO. THERE HE IS, AT LONG LAST. NANA’S SON OMGGGGG

HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE HER AND YET HE’S SO STERN AND UNFRIENDLY. WHERE IS THE TRADEMARK SHIMURA SMILE, OH GOD I’M NOT READY FOR THIS ANGST

let me guess, it was a “in this house we don’t speak the H-word” rule. with the four-letter h-word in this case not being what you might typically expect

also! black hair! so that’s also confirmed! so I guess it changed color due to his trauma? oh god

and you can see he’s got the little scratches which were hinted at in the previous chapter, but they’re not nearly as bad yet. I have to assume that habit got much worse also due to the trauma. oh god. again

I haven’t watched that new HBO show about Chernobyl yet, but I feel like this is kind of what it must be like? knowing full well that Very Bad Things are about to go down but not being able to do anything and having to just watch as it all plays out. shit

anyways yep. no h-word allowed

so he was five! one whole year older than I thought omg. my mistake

in other news guys, I’m currently researching how to build a machine that will let me enter a fictional two-dimensional world and then travel back in time in that world to rescue and adopt a small child who needs lots of hugs omfg anyway so if anyone wants to help me out I think it’s a worthwhile endeavor

...why did I laugh omg. Tenko why is your dad the most dramatic bitch

(ETA: in all seriousness I think we should investigate the possibility of the Shimuras being distantly related to the Todorokis.)

HIS ALLERGIES ARE ACTING UP DAD HAVE A FUCKING HEART

anyways it’s all good because Hana will go visit him and they’ll sneak into dad’s office and she’ll show him the picture of their grandma to cheer him up. and then I’m sure eventually his dad will see reason and they’ll sort out their issues and they’ll all live happily ever after. la la la

so now Grandma is suggesting that Kotaro has maybe been a little too harsh on Tenko lately. yes Grandma make him see reason please

also I’m really curious as to whether or not Grandma is Kotaro’s adopted mom, or Tenko’s maternal grandma. if she is the adopted mom I love her even more and that makes me even sadder about their deaths, because they took in this boy whose mother basically abandoned him and then later DIED HORRIBLY, and they did their best to raise him with love, only for AFO to come along and eventually murder the lot of them which is so fucked up I can’t even. they deserved better

Kotaro has such a jaded look in his eyes here that it’s hard for me to be mad at him at all even though he’s being a jerk dad

he’s had a really rough life. yes he’s being a jerk but he thinks he’s doing what’s best for his children though. fml why is this shit so complicated

okay this next page is kind of conflicting on the are-they-or-aren’t-they-his-adopted-parents thing sob

like on the one hand, he literally calls them mom and dad. but then two panels down Tomura says they’re his parents-in-law. so what is the truth. maybe it’s not him talking to them in that first panel? or maybe he’s just really tight with his in-laws idk

anyway so now we’re cutting to Tenko and his mom, and this is the sweetest thing ever and why are you doing this to me Horikoshi!?

FFFF OKAY BUT!!

BABY TENKO’S LIL TRAIN SET OMG SO CUTE. AND IS THAT A PLATE OF ONIGIRI ON THE TABLE. TENKO YOU MADE A MESS AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN FINISH IT, SUCH A TYPICAL FIVE-YEAR-OLD OMG

THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF ALLERGY IT IS?? AND IT ONLY ACTS UP WHEN HE’S AT HOME. THIS IS SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK. WHAT KIND OF FOUL PLAY IS GOING ON. OR IS IT JUST STRESS?

MOM SECRETLY SUPPORTS HIS DREAM TO BE A HERO AND HE’S OPEN WITH HER ABOUT IT I CAN’T

MIKKUN AND TOMO-CHAN! OH MY GOD DID YOU GET INTO A FIGHT TO DEFEND YOUR FRIENDS AND THAT’S WHY YOU GOT INTO TROUBLE I FUCKING CAN’T HE WAS SUCH A GOOD BOY. HE REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF DEKU HERE HOLY SHIT

(ETA: they even look alike.)

cuuuuuuuuuuuute

OH MY GOD

SHIMURA TENKO WAS AN ALL MIGHT FAN CONFIRMED OMFG?!

you guys. that is a lot of emotions that just hit me all at once holy shit. where do I even begin

first of all this continues the pattern of “origin” chapters showing how the characters in question admired All Might when they were growing up. we’re 4 for 4 as of now. I love this

second, it just hit me like bam to learn that Tenko felt drawn to All Might, knowing how they’re actually connected. All Might doesn’t even know (yet) that Nana had a grandson, and Tenko has no idea that his childhood hero is actually his grandmother’s protege. and yet he still winds up admiring him even without that knowledge. pow right in the feels

and lastly, I wouldn’t have thought this whole situation could get any more fucked up, and yet Horikoshi still managed it! Tenko goes from looking up to All Might and wanting to be like him, to hating him and wanting nothing more than to hurt and destroy him. fucking ouch you guys. god but that one hurts

oh and also you better believe I immediately went to the wiki to see if there were any characters around Tomura’s age whose first names might believably be condensed to Mikkun or Tomo-chan. specifically, I went to Miruko first because I wasn’t sure if she was one of those characters whose hero name was similar to her actual name! but sadly her actual name is Rumi. so much for my “Miruko and Tomura were childhood friends” theory which lasted for all of two seconds but was a wild ride while it did

you guys baby Tenko has the chubbiest little boy legs lmao I love him so much oh god. and also on a more serious note this makes presentday!Tomura’s almost emaciated appearance all the more jarring. tack on yet another reason to hate AFO to the list. it’s getting to be a really long list

the parallels between him and Deku are off the fucking charts you guys. this is getting ridiculous. god I’m so weak for this kind of storytelling dfsldkjfk

don’t think I didn’t notice the enormous rack you went and gave Tenko’s mom, Horikoshi. but you know what I’m going to allow it because this is just so fucking good and also because for once he’s being pretty subtle about it all things considered

adult!Tomura’s narration is shockingly insightful here

like, he’s so in touch with his five-year-old emotions, and also his understanding of how this all affected him in hindsight. that’s a lot of self-awareness for a guy who only just remembered all of this like thirty seconds ago

doesn’t Tomura have like a 5/5 on the intelligence score according to the character book? for a longest time I was really skeptical about that, but the more I see of him in this arc the more I see that it’s not just talk

oh my goddddddddd

LOOK AT HIS FACE OH MY GOD. he’s fucking entranced. you can tell he’s instantly captivated by her

HORIKOSHI NO, WHY

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS YOU BASTARD

son of a bitch. well now I’m more subscribed than ever to the theory of Hana also surviving and being taken in by AFO in secret. she can’t be dead! she wanted to be a hero just like him! brother and sister heroes! Horikoshi I s2g if you really did kill her off I’m going to kick your ass. this is the exact spot where I’m drawing the line. this is how much angst you are allowed to have. right up to here and that’s it. the rest of the family can be dead, whatever, it’s sad and it’s fucked up, but don’t you dare touch Hana or I will...!!

and they promised. they made a brother-sister promise about what they were going to be when they grew up! and Tomura only just now remembered it! lord help me this boy is going to need all the therapy after this

OH NO

THAT DAY oh my god this is it strap yourselves in kids, we’re about to luge down this icy hill of Dead Family Feels and I don’t know how to fucking luge you guys

he’s so fucking happy. I’m so fucking stressed rn

oh GOD

TENKO DON’T MOVE!! DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING! OH GOD. HOW DO I TURN THIS FLASHBACK OFF THAT’S IT WE GOOD I’VE SEEN ENOUGH!!

LDSKFHHHH

KOTARO NO GO AWAY, EVEN IF YOU’VE BEEN A JERK DAD YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS AND TENKO DOESN’T DESERVE THIS, AND GOD, ALL FOR ONE CAN FUCKING BURN IN HELL, THIS IS SO FUCKED UP

AHHHHHH

OH GREAT THE WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY IS RIGHT THERE! JUST FUCKING PERFECT. THIS IS ALL GOING TO END SO FUCKING WELL I CAN’T

OH SHIT

KOTARO YOU’RE SUDDENLY CANCELLED YOU FUCKING DICK, BUT YOU STILL DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE, BUT HOLY SHIT YOU SUCK!!! I DIDN’T ACTUALLY THINK YOU’D REALLY GO THROUGH WITH IT BUT I GUESS I WAS GIVING YOU TOO MUCH CREDIT YOU RAT BASTARD

I’M GLAD MAMA SHIMURA IS YELLING AT HIM NOW BUT I ALSO HAVE A TERRIBLE FEELING THAT HER RUNNING TO INTERVENE IS GOING TO SPARK A CHAIN REACTION, GIVEN WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN OH GOD

(ETA: or maybe I gave her too much credit. turns out there was no intervening to speak of.)

anyway so now Kotaro is yelling “that’s not your grandma!”, and I can’t decide if this is anger or something else on his face in this moment, which unbeknownst to him is one of the final moments of his life hahaha sob somebody help me how do I stop this ride

also Mon-chan keeps barking and I know that’s going to end really badly in just a moment as well ugh. it’s like those final few seconds after a grenade rolls into a room and everyone sees that the pin is missing and they know what’s about to happen but they can’t do anything to stop it. we’re all gonna die folks

oh no it actually was Something Else on his face oh fuck me

I’m fucking furious at Horikoshi right now for pulling this shit again and giving this scene so much complexity. there’s so much going on here that we’re never even going to get the chance to unpack because it’s all about to go to shit. and Kotaro is an absolute bastard, but he’s also a man who’s still reeling from the pain of being abandoned by his own mother and never came to terms with that. and yet that absolutely does not make this okay in the slightest, at all, and it’s abundantly clear that he is still very much the bad guy here and that what he’s doing is unforgivable. I just really like that he went and gave him this much depth despite him playing such a despicable role here. god BnHA is so good

anyway back to being devastated

HE LOOKS SO FUCKING TERRIFIED AND I’M SO MAD ABOUT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW HE DIDN’T DESERVE THIS!!!

MOTHERFUCKER HERE IT COMES

[takes a deep breath and clicks to the next page!!]

hey what the

not the panel I was expecting with Tenko reaching out defensively and touching his father and accidentally turning him to ash while the rest of the family shrieks in fear and shock, but okay. I can’t say I was exactly looking forward to seeing that so I’ll take it!

oh Horikoshi. you see, this is exactly the type of shit I’m talking about

okay Kotaro, I can feel sorry for you in this moment and sympathize with the child-you who did not deserve that at all, and also feel yet more rage toward AFO for utterly destroying this family. but that doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely hate you at the same time for what you did to your son. it’s just like that. you had reasons but you’re still a dick. just BnHA character things

Horikoshi why oh my god

RIP SHIMURA FAMILY YOU DESERVED BETTER AND YOU WILL BE AVENGED!!

and yet all the same that does not make it right for you to take out your pain and frustration on your helpless five-year-old son! YOU FUCKED UP KOTARO. but this next page is still going to hurt oh god

[takes another deep breath!!]

oh okay we’re still drawing it out

-- holy shit, wait a sec. is this all taking place after? wait a fucking second

okay you guys holy shit, I just went back to the “house my father built” page and it is very clearly segueing into another flashback. like, in hindsight it’s obvious, but these aren’t actually Tenko’s memories any more. I think what happened was that Kotaro actually did hit Tenko another couple of times and then that was it, and then it cut back to this scene here which is actually taking place after that incident

which means Tenko’s memories were indeed tampered with then if my hunch is right!! let’s read on, but I’m pretty sure AFO is about to come along and murder the shit out of these folks, holy shit is this really happening?!

okay so Mama Shimura is telling Kotaro that she’s done following his rules

like, I’m glad she’s standing up for her children but I really wish she’d rip him a new one much more severely than this though

though he does seem genuinely regretful. but that’s hardly helpful now?? girl just take the kids and leave

oh no we’re cutting back to Tenko and he’s hugging Mon-chan out in the backyard and it’s nighttime now noooooooo

all right, for the third fucking time I’m going to take a deep fucking breath and turn the page holy shit you guys this chapter is taking years off my life

ffff ffff ffffffff

(((╹д╹;)))

(⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾;;;)

(φ Д φ )

...well shit

parting thoughts:

I’m okay with this being the only bit they show and not getting any more detail. please for once don’t give us any more detail, Horikoshi, holy fuck

though if we don’t actually see anything, part of me is still going to suspect AFO of directly interfering right up until the end of the series. the whole thing just comes together too perfectly for him. there’s no fucking way

I still 100% believe he gave Tenko the quirk, too. especially now that we know he was quirkless until age five. we’ve previously established that if a child hasn’t evolved a quirk by that age it almost always means they’re quirkless for life. Horikoshi thinks he’s smooth trying to play it off like Tenko was a tragic late bloomer but WE KNOW THE TRUTH. I will go down with this theory damn it

I would say this is easily the single most fucked up thing we have seen in this series up to this point, but I see Horikoshi eyeing the upcoming Noumu plotline and the tragic tale of Tsubasa and his fucked up mad scientist grandpa and looking for somebody to hold his beer, so. I’ll just keep my mouth shut, I think

anyways this chapter was amazing and terrifying and I can’t wait to see how Tomura’s story moves forward from here. happy 5th anniversary of BnHA, y’all

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 235 #shigaraki tomura #shimura nana #shimura kotaro #shimura hana #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #this chapter had me jumping at my own shadow I swear #every new page I was expecting the worst #that is some masterful tension-build-up there #even re-reading it I was getting nervous again #anyways this recap is dedicated to mon-chan #rip mon-chan #forever best dog #you were the goodest boy and you deserved the world and horikoshi is a cruel cruel man

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greenmantle · 5 years

Text

call down the hawk, live thoughts

hi all. i just finished this book (this book!!!) and while i read i took random notes. if you’ve read my re-read posts from trb and tdt, you’ll know the drill, which is: i comment only on what i personally find to be important at any given time, i am largely incoherent, i’m just trying to have fun with these books i love deeply and only kind of understand.

this is the first one of these posts i’ve done for a book i haven’t discussed with anyone at length! i’m not a big theorizing person on my own, so many of my theories are small, underdeveloped, and obviously not true.

anyways, the post is under the read more! sorry it’s deeply long i just have a lot of feelings! also i wrote it all in wordpad which does not have spellcheck. please ignore any and all ridiculous spelling errors thaaanks

prologue & chapters 1-8, aka the sampler chapters I've already read

"he was proud of the family name...his mouth was always shaped like he'd just finished saying it." go ahead and say lynch out loud and you'll agree ronan clearly has his lips perpetually pouted

how many times will i read the name nikolenko and feel my brain wander away because its syllables are too similar to prokopenko? i suppose i'll find out

love that declan says massholes. love declan eating a "sad yuppie candy bar." declan is my best friend and i love him even if he's boring

1101 is ronan's birthday which according to my posts about the sampler is different, because that was listed as 1114. still wrong ronan was born on my birthday in october (not canon)

chapter 9 and beyond

TWENTY-THOUSAND-SQUARE-FOOT HOUSE

sad. ronan and adam do love each other, so much. they care about each other. sad.

gansey currently chained to one of the largest black walnut trees in oregon. love

similarly love this cow balloon situation, very fun

matthew calling ronan out on not just saying i love you to adam. kid.

listen i'm going to say this knoiwng i am only on page 93 of a several-hundren page book, but i love declan and i am frankly tired of everyone who is wrong about him because he cares and loves and he's my friend and he goes on internal monologues about the efficacy of people as safety devices in his brother's life and delegitimizes his own love for his family because he was the less-loved, human child who had to understand firsthand his parents flaws when his brothers did not have to and i love him. and i'm hoarding information about him forever (like needing an antacid to eat a burrito). if you don't like declan your mom's a ho etc. etc.

trying to reconcile the nightwash with trc canon because it's not making sense to me tbh but i also don't have all the information yet. however i love you jordan and hennessy and your four other clones.

I'm sorry, this lady just told ronan and declan they're like a podcast. THE HUMOR.

more about angie. ronan is very sweetly naive asking if she runs the market because she was behind the desk in the otherwise empty lobby. i love him

"most men do not go to mass every sunday and most men do not fall in love with other men." ronan, honey,,

oh man oh man aurora WAS a dream of a real person wasn't she

nvm

22740 zipcode results in: sperryville, va. sperryville. like the boatshoe.

don't know how i feel about my new best friend jordan flirting with my established best friend declan

NVM TO THE NVM ABOVE??

this whole hotel scene is making my brain melt so much is happenning at once. also fuck you niall lynch

this dream where grown up adam feeds ronan a tomato. ronan really does have the wildest desires re: intimacy

HE HATED NEWS STORIES ABOUT PLASTIC IN THE OCEAN. god ronan. call blue. your climate and environmental anxiety needs direction

maybe i'll just spend the rest of this book imagining niall as derry girls james who picks up a northern irish accent

BLUE SAYS BOUDICCA IS THE ORIGINAL GOTH

something very sweet and juvenile about ronan referring to the old women in the mask room as "ladies." similarly juvenile for gansey to refer to boudicca as an "all-lady" group

"thank god," declan said. "you can if you like, matthew said, "but i dressed myself." SCREAMING

this Uncle guy is a facebook minion meme person

why did niall lynch dream himself a car that he still needed to purchase gas for. loser

200 pages in and a brand-new, super interesting mystery has been introduced in LILIANA, who i adore already. scary explosion girl

"i saved your life because i love you" crying emoji crying emoji crying emoji

'it was possible no two students at aglionby had ever come away with such a thorough understanding of latin (or, possibly, of each other).' maggie you're a hoot

i miss adam. i'm about halfway through the book and hoping he makes more appearances but feeling like i'm out of luck :(

adam drove up for ronan's birthday to surprise him. insert literally any crying gif here

those two bullet points were separated by at least three chapters

"he was senselessy turned on" is the most overtly sexual one of the main characters have been in these books maybe? i mean i know gansey and blue's not-kiss and yogurt sharing were both very sexy moments but

dreaming with the whole world's imagination instead of just his own!!! wow!!!

idk what liliana does exactly but i adore her the most

adam always being in the market for new skills i love him

oh they referenced one of my favorite scenes, ronan teaching adam how to drive stick, which then allowed him to steal gansey's car. romance

"what, as the kids say, the fuck?" ronan you are 19 years old you are the kids

declan got ronan a zoo membership for his birthday that's very cute

ronan just turned 19 yet declan said that matthew is a month shy of 18 this math does not add up. matthew was 15 in trc

i went to bed at this point so the rest of these notes are from before and after work haha

liliana's chapters all being narrated by other characters is so interesting. it reminds me of ronan not having any chapters in trb so that his story could be a mystery for the second book, except this time we're getting absolutely no insight into her as a character because all of the characters she's interacting with are strangers. she's a complete mystery who sucks all the sound out of the world and can bless children and make houses nice

the old woman is very cold..is liliana what adam saw while scrying, the thing that's scared of bryde? he also came to very cold. probably not but if she is: i said it here

i love wendy the diner waitress calling ronan and hennessy kids and not being phased by ronan's bad attitude and patting his hand and telling him he reminds her of her boy and putting a whipped cream smiley face on his waffles

liliana is looking for hennessy and hennessy has been having the dream for ten years and it's just like adam described. so i still think liliana is the thing they've both seen

(also ronan called adam his boyfriend which is cute and good. also psychic!)

ah probably nvm about liliana because it appears she is a visionary, which i probably should have figured out on my own

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm almost certain i once read a fic where declan was actually the son of a human woman and then aurora was dreamed and had ronan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aurora is a dreamed version of a real woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

man, fuck niall lynch

this is like the weirdest week in declan's deeply weird life. poor guy

MANAGEMENT?

ronan apparently calls all of the small girls closest to him maggot

i've finally decided to google what a psychopomp is. it's a spirit guide, in case you too didn't care to look it up despite maggie referring to opal as such no fewer than a hundred times.

carmen is definitely going to end up on the side of the dreamers by the end of this series...or at least i hope. liliana saying she'l follow her anywhere when she punches ramsay....

ronan: bad teacher

biggest surprise of this book is that declan seriously, genuinely loves art

feels like carmen and liliana are gonna get together?

ronan asking hennessy not to let him be the only one...very sweet....very trc ronan lynch who doesn't understand what he is

sargento

hennessy and ronan holding hands as they start to dream is so very sweet. my favorite new best friends

'ronan had loved richard c. gansey iii far more than he loved himself at that point.' SAD

this is way more of a cliffhanger ending than any of the trc books and i'm mad about it.

if you read all of this honestly bless your soul. someone please talk to me about this book.

#cdth #call down the hawk #cdth spoilers #call down the hawk spoilers #trc

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