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popponn · 6 months

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a bit of red. [childe x reader]

summary: your nose was bleeding. all while Tartaglia never once looked away.

notes: childe is a feral battle maniac but has traits of a genuinely good husband material. the mix is a funny fatui guy. those are the only thoughts that exist as i write this down. warnings: light blood and injuries, sfw, blood licking, reader and childe’s relationship is best described as "complicated frenemies with something going on", reader’s gender unspecified.

“Oh, they got your face, huh?” Tartaglia asked, cheerful in a very wrong manner as he put a hand on your shoulder.

Without sparing him a glance, you could already feel the taunting smile in his tone. You gave him a muffled grunt as a reply, your hand still busy rubbing your bleeding nose as you glared at your own feet. You really should have paid more attention to that one guy with big wood.

Also, why didn't Traveler tell you she also asked for the Eleventh Harbinger's help for today? You really weren’t in the mood to spend alone time with him for—

“—are you listening?”

A hand grabbed your chin—rough and quick, yet not harsh enough to hurt you—pulling your head to turn to your side where Tartaglia had already stared at you with an unamused frown plastered on his face. You knew, logically, you should have slapped his hand away and gotten ready for combat—you have enough brain to remember that Tartaglia is a seasoned fighter and a shady person meshed into one no matter how friendly he acts towards you. Yet, at the same time, you found yourself blanking out the moment you met his eyes.

“Really, don't you at least know that you shouldn't rub your nose when it's bleeding? That's common sense, you know,” Tartaglia said to you. It felt like he was scolding you like a child.

You, whose head was still filled only with empty statics, could only reply to him with a dumbfounded blink. “Huh?”

Tartaglia raised an eyebrow, his face still wearing the uncharacteristically serious expression. “Come on—they didn’t hit your head that hard, did they? It was only a wood to your face, I had hit you with something harder than that.”

Which wasn't wrong. He pretty much already threw lightning bolts and hydro blades to your face numerous times during your regular scuffles with him.

“I…” you opened your mouth. You wanted to defend yourself, but you had to acknowledge the fact that what you did was indeed pretty dumb. “…I was not thinking.”

Hearing your response, Tartaglia looked at you exasperatedly. It should be insulting, considering it's Tartaglia—but seeing the obvious fondness in his face, you found yourself once again being unable to react much. Or perhaps, it was because of how you had come to notice that his hand had moved away from your chin, when he pressed his thumb lightly and softly against the skin above your lips, wiping off the blood that still trickled down from your nose with a lopsided smile befitting of his charming, youthful face. A few moments passed, and you continued to let him without any chirp of complaints.

Then, slowly, at some point, that smile shifted into a different one—wider, sharper—as his eyes darkened without moving away from your profile. “…well, the blood does suit you though.”

“Hu—?!”

Within a second, there was a mouth and a pair of lips on your face, right above your lips and below your nose, as you felt a hand forcefully drag you forward by your collars. It happened so quickly, sparing you not even a second to react as a tongue—Tartaglia’s—slithered out and licked a few droplets of blood off your face, smearing out some of them in the process. Your eyes were wide open as Tartaglia pushed his face against yours and dragged his lips down. Ending whatever the fuck he did with a light peck on your lips.

And when you finally find it in yourself to breathe and blink once again, Tartaglia’s face was already somewhere further away from yours. You still tried to process what just happened when you spotted the self-satisfied look he wore—not too full of his brand of odd brightness, all while the way he licked at his lips and wiped the leftover red away with his fingers told you enough. Faintly, you could still feel the heat of his hand from the tight grip he let remain on your clothes.

Tartaglia looked at the almost invisible red on his gloves for another moment. Silent with a look you were not quite ready to decipher just yet. Your whole body still stood stiff, frozen by something that was both surprising and pleasant that crawled through from the insides of your spine.

This was not the first time for the both of you to have your lips smashed against each other—but this would be the first time Tartaglia wore a look like that when doing so.

Good Archons.

“What the fuck, Childe.” You snarled at him, almost spitting in every syllable. You glared harshly at him, deciding to focus more on the stunt he just pulled instead of humoring the stupid thoughts your head was starting to come up with. You were not dealing with that when there were unconscious treasure hoarders laying around you in some foreign nation’s wilderness.

Tartaglia, hearing the way you angrily called him by his title, finally seemed to be back from whatever odd trance he just had. Within a blink, his expression switched into one that was far more innocent. A few creases away from confusion, but at least he still had enough decency to manage out a nervous laugh as he let go of your clothes. Still carrying his usual air of confidence, he rubbed the back of his head and offered you his usual smile—secretive and untelling no matter how sweet it looked.

“Wow—okay. I mean, sorry. I don’t know what suddenly got over me—ha ha ha!” Tartaglia apologized as if he was some adorable first date who got too much into the heat of the moment and kissed you. It would have been much cuter if he was not some rascal who just licked the blood on your face. As if it truly was something out of adolescent impulsiveness, Tartaglia took out a handkerchief and offered it to you. “Here, here—let me wipe that blood off you for a bit. Want me to press on your nose for you too? Oh, wait, do you need to sit—”

“That was disgusting. That's common sense,” you spat at him without making an attempt to stop him from dabbing his expensive silk handkerchief on your face, letting the young Harbinger step into your space once again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I really am! I really wanted to help you—I didn't mean for it go to like that!” Tartaglia insisted nonchalantly, repeating his apology as he swiped the fabric across your nose and cheeks. “But, yeah.”

You glared harder at his sudden pause, “But, yeah—what?”

“It really looks good on you,” Tartaglia said, breathlessly and honestly, never once stopping from tending your face as if he was caressing you. A sincere smile—resembling a loving one yet not quite one—etched itself on his lips as a shadow of something flashed along with it. Once again, it nearly stunned you again.

If only it wasn’t about you having a nosebleed.

Trying your best to not take a sharp, angry deep breath, you decided to grit your teeth instead. There were certainly many different thoughts that heat up your whole head for many each their own reasons. However, first thing first—

“Okay, we are done!” Tartaglia loudly cheered as he pulled his hand away from you, taking a few steps back away whilst looking at you like some proud handiwork.

“Thanks,” you blandly said, before turning and walking away, “now, let's go. We still have a few more camps to do for Lumine.”

Following your steps easily, Tartaglia returned to his place beside you prior and nodded enthusiastically at the thought of more fight. “Right! Aah—hope the next one is—”

Coldly, you cut him off, still walking calmly beside him, “Tartaglia.”

“Hm? What?”

“For the next camp, go get injured or something.”

Tartaglia made an offended noise at your suggestion. “Hey, I said sorry already! No need to—”

“I will make sure to return the previous favor when you bleed,” you said, cutting him off again without a hint of joke in your tone. Your eyes stared straight at his startled ones.

Tartaglia held the look of rare surprise for another few seconds. He seemed to be truly caught off guard—but not for long, as with a barking laugh, he returned your words with a wide grin you had seen he wore numerous times in every battle the two of you shared. “Is that so?”

You silently cursed at Lumine once more for making you keep working together with him. Many times enough that you could reply unflinchingly. “Of course. So go ahead—do something funny.”

“Will bleeding from any place work? Is it only for one wound or is it for every wound I get?” he asked, interest displayed clearly in his tone. Of course, the battle maniac had started to treat this like some recreational excursion. “I’m quite sturdy, you know.”

You didn't even try to humor whatever he truly meant by those. As the next camp and chest came into view, you spared him a glance, eyeing him through your peripheral.

“I wonder,” you said. “Depends on my mood and how funny you were, maybe.”

“Oh, really,” Tartaglia mocked out a swoon, readying his blades as they formed in his hands. “You truly are the best sometimes.”

#genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin scenarios #childe #tartaglia #genshin ajax #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #ajax x reader #genshin childe #i love you since 1.1 and i still wonder why is your name so many #this wasn't how i plan to debut a genshin man but here we are. this is a warm up piece that got a bit out of hand #anyway i miss him so much already ue ue ue

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uravitypng · 9 months

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denki has been in love with jirou since he's met her. at least that's what he thinks but he's harbouring a secret and he's refusing to acknowledge it, pretending that it doesn't exist.

that secret is you. you as a person aren't a secret, in fact you're a hero just like jirou and denki and went to school together. you're denki's friend, his best friend. you're close with jirou too and with the rest of your old classmates but with denki- nothing can replace him to you.

you remember the time you find out jirou and denki started dating, denki dropped everything and went out to find you because he had to let you know, you tell each other everything and it meant so much to him. well you thought you told each other everything...

denki and jirou's relationship was not going so well, communication issues and insecurities flooded the relationship. they have known each other for years now but jirou still worries that she isn't enough for him and denki doesn't communicate how he's feeling to her. he's worried that if he's serious about how he's feeling then she won't want to be with him anymore. he's able to do that with you though knowing he can be be honest and candid and doesn't have to make a joke every 5 seconds. jirou worries that denki will find someone 'prettier.' she worries he is in love with you, she expresses that sometimes, especially the days after nights out when she thinks you two spend to much time together, he always assures her that he only see's you platonically. you're his best friend, nothing more.

they're spending the night together as the both have the night off and decide to spend quality time together but denki wishes he was somewhere else. you told him you were planning on going to bed as soon as you're home from patrols but he received an instagram notification that you posted, a photo of you with mina and a very miserable looking bakugou. he doesn't know why you would lie to him but it bugs him. if jirou caught him looking at his phone on their date night she would be furious, especially if it was a photo of you but he couldn't help it. he sent a message to you asking you if your plans changed tonight. you reply almost instantly responding that mina dragged you out of bed and that it would be better if he was there. he wishes he was there too.

he drinks more and more that night and so does jirou, getting drunk of expensive bottles of red wine. at some point they make their way into their bedroom, fiddling with each others clothes to try and take them off as quick as possible. denki nearly tripped while rushing and taking off his jeans. they didn't really speak, they both just wanted, to feel skin contact.

it was clumsy and messy and they fall on the bed with a entanglement of limbs. denki places heated kisses down jirou's neck while she pulls his hair, grounding herself, in the process making him groan. they are both drunk, so incredibly drunk, so drunk that now denki's completely naked he's struggling to accurately thrust into her, and keeps missing. he's getting more frustrated as she's getting more whiny, finally he successfully pushes into her, hard and fast with no rhythm, just chasing that peak.

what denki's brain fails to realise at that moment is who is under him. he gets more rough and groans again, closing his eyes. that's when jirou hears it. her boyfriend. her boyfriend saying your name. she convinces herself that she must have misheard it, there's no way he'd think of someone else in bed, especially his best friend. denki's grabbing hold of the pillows as hard as he can, trying to stabilise himself and keep him upright. she's getting so close to coming.

"i love you. i love you. fuck, i love you so much." jirou takes a deep breath as she comes to the conclusion it was just her mind playing tricks on her. "holy fuck i love you-" she freezes. he said your name. this time there's no denying it, he's meant to be in love with her, they're meant to be in love with each other, they've met each other's parents, they live together! was this time all a lie? she eventually pushes denki off of her after she was able to move again and left the room.

when denki woke up in the morning jirou was packing her things and telling him that she's breaking up with him. she didn't tell him why and he couldn't remember. he kept asking why but she just left without answering him.

later on that day you messaged denki what happened with jirou because now she's acting like she hates you and you have no idea why. he doesn't know why either.

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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 4 months

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Would you mind sharing your planning process of the comic? I'm starting to brainstorm a fiction idea and right now the ideas are very messy and I wanted to know if you could show how you plan what happens on a season and on an episode, maybe with an example of a season episode you already published, so I can learn how to organize myself?

I really, REALLY appreciate you coming to ask me for help with this. It's awesome to hear that you respect my writing enough to seek me out as an authority on such things, or at least enough to ask for advice.

But I'm gonna be real with you - what you're asking for is not a quick slapdash reply that I can whip up in my free time. What you're asking for is an hour long video essay (with examples) on the level of an educational creative writing online course.

And I--I don't know if I have it in me to do that right now. Not with everything else I'm trying to do. (Sorry.)

BUT.

What I can give you instead is a basic rundown, and maybe some recommendations for where to this stuff.

To be absolutely brief: For me, the best way to visualize how I plan would be to make a flowchart.

Keep in mind that....... I don't ever actually.......MAKE. A flowchart.

Mostly, I am just using this as a visual representation of how my ideas flow from and to each other in a coherent way. The reality is that this skill is something you have to develop until it becomes second nature.

As an example, let's take the episode(s) where I introduced Seaglass.

This little arc was planned in season 3, but really started to come into play in Season 4.

To make it happen, I started with the obvious main idea: SEAGLASS.

I then broke it down into multiple smaller ideas:

If you notice, the main plot of this doesn't even start when the Seaglass exposition does. Steven makes Seaglass back in season 3, but doesn't know about it. But these ideas are still important to acknowledge as being a part of the main plot.

I then fill in MORE space between these larger ideas.

This whole set of steps is just a logical progression of me playing 'how do we get there'. I make up plot points and say 'what happens to get from A to B?'

And keep in mind - this may seem kinda obvious. That's because... it should be! But that's how the planning happens.

Realistically, it's just a bunch of asking myself questions. The same exact questions I refuse to answer in asks.

"What happens next? What would happen if....?" "Why doesn't Steven know about ....?"

"How would Steven find Seaglass if he doesn't know she exists?"

Well she's small and green, kinda like Peridot. So he goes looking for Peridot and mistakes Seaglass for her.

BAM! You've got yourself a plot point. That's a plan, baybee!

And then just kinda rinse and repeat.

And eventually, you want to make sure that you have some sort of connection back to the main plot point. In this case, it's the realization that Steven CREATED LIFE.

Again, I want to stress - I don't actually........plan.... by writing this down.

I do this process in my head. Often, multiple times per chapter, writing and editing to make it make more and more sense. The important part is about asking yourself questions. The same questions your readers should be asking.

"Why is this character doing this?" "Why is this event happening NOW?" "How will A find out when they realize what B has done?" "What is the BEST time for B to find out...? What is the WORST time?"

All of this takes imagination. It isn't about organization. It's moreso about learning to tetris plot events into their most snug spaces. It's about thinking of events as a staircase, which eventually leads to a larger staircase of plot arcs.

And as a final note, I will say that someday, when I'm less busy, I may make a video about plot. But it will take more time and effort, and for now, please just watch videos by other creators! I'm sure they're just as good at it as I am.

youtube

#chekhov answers #plot

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fanfic-obsessed · 5 months

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Not the Mama...or the Father

This takes place in a universe where Jango Fett survived Geonosis AND where Palpatine is defeated without Order 66 coming into being (the chips still existed, yes that is important).

After the war ends there is an absolute legal quagmire regarding the clones. Their origins (Possibly commissioned by the Jedi, a Republic Entity, outside of Republic Space, on Kamino, using the DNA of a Non Republic Citizen for a Republic Army, paid for by means that no one has been able to identify-presumably illegal and/or embezzled) mean that acknowledging their sentience also means that everyone involved broke so many laws that prosecution would take a decades. This compounded by the fact that it is an all or nothing kind of situation, on paper the Jedi who did their best were tied to those crimes just as thoroughly as senators who abused the Guard. While the Jedi, as a whole, would be willing to face that prosecution if it meant the clones would be considered sentient, they had rather less power than the Senators who did not want to face their crimes. In the end the only way to get the support for the Clone Rights bill was to add a clause that the bill would not be considered retroactive. The clones would be considered sentient after the bill was turned into law but could not seek any kind of reparations, back pay, or even acknowledgement that their rights had been violated prior to the law.

NOTE: It horrified everyone (though it should be acknowledged that the Jedi and the Clones were horrified for very different reasons than many of the Senate) when the Coruscant Guard successfully sued a number of Republic Senators, their aides, and several citizens for ‘sexual abuse of a non sentient’(It was a very odd lawsuit where Thire, who had taken to law with a frightening passion, was able to argue that the Clones could bring the suit as their own owners, since being sentient with a start start date essentially meant that they now owned themselves and the laws around abuse of non sentients are written so that new owners can sue past owners for abuse-written so that animal abuse could be fully prosecuted even years after the fact). Criminal charges were even filed, though it was harder to get those charges through the system.

Jango Fett, due both to the Clones legal tangle and how it had to be resolved, could not be brought up on charges for his part in the creation of the clones, their training, and the chips. None of it was technically illegal. The fact that all of the clones looked like him meant anyone who did not know better tended to consider the clones his children. At first Jango was just as quick to correct people, somewhat violently.

However as more and more clones began to distinguish themselves he started to play into it. Saying how proud he was of his children and that his genetics must have been superior (incidentally giving Boba more than one complex in the process). Most of the clones have no idea what to do with this behavior, since acknowledgement by Prime was something that almost all of them wanted as children. Also he wasn’t really acknowledging any clone in particular. He was simply soaking up the accolades of being associated with so many driven, accomplished people.

Though the Commander batches tended to be the most well known, every batch of clones had at least one or two members that distinguished themselves in a positive manner.

Then comes the very public wedding of Commander Bly and Aayla Secura. While the two are very much in love it is also a political/PR move. The scandal of the Amidala/Skywalker marriage left the galaxy with a very skewed view of the Jedi and marriage. The fact that Skywalker would go on to tell anyone who would listen that he was kicked out for falling in love made the issue worse. (Commander Cody and Obi Wan were also considered for this PR move, however they were not quite at the point where they wanted to get married, also Anakin’s…reactions to the scandal of his marriage left some scars for Obi Wan. It would be quite some time before being perceived by a large crowd of beings-with the exclusion of the Jedi or the clones- would be something Obi Wan could tolerate)

Though the Jedi wedding traditions are typically a private affair, with permission of the happy couple every tradition would be made into a public spectacle with explanations for the traditions. One such tradition is that a parental figure (generally the Master if it is a Jedi) for each member of those getting married would escort their children down the aisle, as it were. This was a way for the parental figure to signal their support, or at least acceptance, of the marriage. Within this tradition it was very noticeable when a particular parental figure did not show up…or was not invited.

The public nature of the ceremony meant that Jango knew when and where to show up. He did not think much that he was not specifically invited, having bought into his own propaganda of being the father of the Clones. He arrives at the staging area, Boba in tow, to loudly announce that he was there to walk Bly down the aisle. Very publicly.

All preparation stopped for a moment, a silence descending that almost echoed. Then Bly scoffed loud enough to be captured by the recording equipment (Every moment of each tradition was being recorded by no less than three recording crews at all times, currently there are six recording the lead up to the ceremony).

Derision dripped from every syllable coming from Bly’s mouth, “Why should I care about your approval of my life partner” (harkening back to the meaning behind the tradition).

Jango spluttered about being Bly’s parent.

Bly tilted his head, eyes distant as if looking into the past, “What was it you said, when you heard Ponds ask Alpha-17 for a name?”

Jango looked perplexed, clearly not remembering the interaction.

Wolffe stepped from crowd, “you said, ‘livestock doesn’t need a name’”

Cody took his place at Bly’s side ‘You are no parent to us, you lost that title when you sold us.’

Bly nodded along, “Cody is walking me down the aisle (In the background Alpha grumbles that it is only because Cody is tricky little shit. All the clones in the room smother a grin as Cody shoots Alpha a smug smile-NOTE: There was a duel/tournament between fifteen Alpha and CC clones that were considered ‘older’ than Bly on who got the honor of escorting him down the aisle, since the explanation of what constituted a parent left them with the firm belief that any clone that is older than you could be considered such) and you, Prime, are not welcome. Go back to the son you claimed.”

The galaxy at large absolutely ate up the ‘You are not my father’ drama, which frankly served to humanize the clones, and their assorted Jedi, better than anything else.

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keepingsecretstokeepyoutk · 10 days

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So Long London - Full Lyric Analysis

My Gaylor/Kaylor interpretation at a glance: Taylor uses the bearding narrative of her breakup with Joe as an allegory to talk about her reluctant decision to “break up” with her fans/kill off her public persona in the process of coming out.

The Joe bearding narrative was likely created for this very purpose - an "ex" who didn't allow her to "bejeweled" (be her whole self), who she tried to make it work with, tried to change herself for, before realizing she couldn't keep sacrificing her wellbeing, mental and otherwise. Read through this lens, this song is devastating, so prepare yourselves emotionally, maybe have tissues on hand.

I interpret a number of the "break up" songs on this album (almost all of them) as being about her reaching the end of her rope with being in the closet and trying to slowly change her fan's attitude towards her queerness. So many of these songs imply that she has hit her breaking point, and the metaphor of a failing romantic relationship is the perfect vehicle to express this shift.

I believe this precedent exists in her work, and for this particular chapter, was established with "You're losing me".

This is also one of a few songs on the album that conceptualize her fame (as obtained with her public, hetero persona) as a place. In this song, that place is represented by London (hence, "so long, London"). In Florida!!! she may be running away to Florida from this place, (after she comes out and needs to escape the backlash). In "I hate it here", she dreams of escaping this place, and imagines two other locales within the lore of her songs - "secret gardens", a probable parallel to Betty's garden and the "garden gates" in Cruel Summer, as well as the "lunar valleys" referencing the galactic landscape established in Down Bad.

Lets get into it!

Verse 1

“Saw in my mind fairy lights in the mist/kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away/my spine split from carrying us up the hill/wet through my clothes, wary bones caught the chill/stopped trying to make him laugh/stopped trying to drill the safe”

In this first verse, Taylor introduces the idea of her fans being like a partner who isn’t present in the relationship, and more importantly, a partner that is ultimately rejecting her true self.

“Fairy lights in the mist” - Taylor has used daylight/light images to represent the end of her closeting/her coming out for at least 5 years. Here she sees small pinpricks of light amongst darkness and the classic metaphor for hiding/confusion, etc - mist. She is saying that in the past she had hope, she saw a possible path forward to coming out while also keeping all of her fans.

“Kept calm and carried the weight of rift/pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” - Taylor reflects on her years of hoping that she could slowly introduce her fans the idea that she is not straight, then come out with minimal rupture in her relationship with her fans. She tried to keep the faith and looked past a lot of bad behavior on the part of some of her fans, convinced that she could make them see her and that their love for her would extend past their need for her being the persona they have grown attached to.

“Stopped trying to make him laugh/stopped trying to drill the safe” - ultimately, she gave up, having been rejected too many times - ignored when she clearly signaled her gayness and the masses of her fans just refused to acknowledge it. Beyond refusing to acknowledge it, they bullied those that did see it, demonstrating to her how reviling they found the idea that she might be queer. “Drill the safe” is a metaphor for trying to force something that will never happen, she is realizing she needs to let go of something that isn’t for her.

Chorus

“How much sad did you think I had/did you think I had in me/oh the tragedy/so long London/ you’ll find someone”

Taylor now must ask her fans, how long did you expect me to sacrifice my own happiness while you continue to ignore my pleas for you to see me?

“You’ll find someone” = you’ll find another idol/para social relationship to obsess over, identify with, etc. This is a reference to Dear Reader, when she sang “you should find another guiding light.” In that song, Taylor warned fans that she is not who they think she is ("you wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking"), that the idea they have of her life is constructed, and strongly lamented her life choices, essentially telling fans they shouldn't look to her for life advice, because she is lonely and miserable. Here, the reference not only underscores the idea that they don't know her, but also that she is making the choice for them to "find someone" else, because she is choosing to come out of hiding, and in so doing, is also choosing to leave behind the misery that made her write Dear Reader in the first place.

Verse 2

“Didn’t opt in to be your odd man out/I founded the club she’s heard great things about/ I left all I knew/you left me in the house by the heath/I stopped cpr after all it’s no use/the spirit was gone, we would never come to/ and I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.”

I made a post about the "Heath" reference that you can read here. Please note the reblog of it that I added an addendum to about the Heath being a park in London. Heath was a doctor that practiced conversion therapy, meaning that her fans "left her at home" with someone trying to change her. By ignoring her signaling, they told her they didn't want the real her, which kept her in the closet, and I fear kept her more vulnerable to those who may have tried to manipulate her into trying to change herself, or deny her true self even behind closed doors.

"I stopped cpr after all its no use/the spirit was gone we would never come to" - again Taylor is using the of a failed romantic relationship to express her lost hope in salvaging the corners of her kingdom that ultimately won't accept her when she comes out. This is also an example of the frequent gothic/death related imagery Taylor uses on this album, a theme consistent with the idea that something is ending, that she is killing off her public persona.

"and I'm pissed off that you let me give you all that youth for free" Taylor has spent so many years choosing her fans and her current carrer path over the full expression of her life and happiness. Again, she had hope that the people who have given her endless validation and effusive praise for years would accept her for who she is. She is realizing that the love between her and at least some of her fans was conditional, and given what we know of how much her fans have meant to her over the course of her career, this was likely a devastating wake up call that took years for her to accept - undoubtedly a huge factor in her seemingly delaying her coming out so many times.

"So long London/Stitches undone/two graves, one gun/I’ll find someone”

Taylor has said her fans are her longest relationship; the imagery in this song reflects the idea that this is a break up with someone she has tried with over and over again. So she undoes the “stitches” that link her to them. This line references her song Glitch on Midnights, “fasten myself to you with a stitch” symbolizing being bonded with a romantic partner (which represent a portion of her fans in this song).

"Two graves one gun" is likely a reference to burying her public persona self, and the second grave could represent her fans (a parallel to the "cheating husband" in "Florida!!!"?) or it could be a shrouded suicidal thought - the second grave being her private persona - both selves being killed off. This lyric is one of my favorites in this song but I don't have a strong conviction on who the second grave is, I'm very open to others' thoughts...

Bridge

“And you say I abandoned the ship/but I was going down with it/my white knuckle dying grip/holding tight to your quiet resentment/and my friends said it isn't right to be scared/every day of a love affair/every breath feels like rarest air/ when you're not sure if he wants to be there/So how much sad did you think I had, did you think I had in me/How much tragedy/Just how low did you think I'd go/Before I'd self implode/before I had to go be free"

"And you say I abandoned the ship...white knuckle dying grip" Taylor emphasizes her wish for things to be different with this lyric, clinging to her ship as it sinks. We all saw her try to right the ship, she's finally choosing to let go and swim to safety (a nautical parrallel to the manuscript's "my trip to your shores"?).

“My friends said it isn’t right to be scared everyday of a love affair…if you’re not sure he wants to be there”

Similar to when someone is in a bad romantic relationship, i imagine her friends expressed their concern that her relationship with her fans is unhealthy. Although many of her friends are high achievers themselves, Taylor’s success is in another league (monster on the hill) and they would likely have expressed their hope that she can slow down and accept a slightly less monumental career in the interest of her mental health.

“How much sad did you think I had/did you think I had in me/Just how low did you think I’d go?” “before I self implode/before I have yo go be free”

Taylor imagines arguing with her fans in the throes of the break up, and in this passage it becomes clear that she is convinced they know the truth but are refusing to acknowledge it. That they allowed her to keep faking her straight persona for their sake. That she was a woman pushed to her limits by a partner (fans) who knew they were running her ragged, a partner that didn’t in fact love her, but loved what she could do for them.

So she asks them, how long did you think I could keep doing this before it broke me? How long did you think I would go along with this, be willing to sacrifice for you? how much would she fake/take the money to keep up the straight persona?

“You swore that you loved me but where were the clues?/I died on the altar waiting for the proof/ you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”

The para social relationship is again a perfect match for the metaphor of a partner that uses you but doesn’t meet you in relationship as a full person. The praise puts you on an altar, but their actions don’t reflect the effusive words. “Bluest days” is a red herring to match the bearding narrative/fan rumor that Joe’s mental health affected their relationship, but also could be interpreted as the fans overlooking her truth in the interest of relying on the idea that their favorite pop star has the same boy problems that they do, their "bluest days" were the days they were torn up over a relationship or an unrequited love and needed her break up anthems, and they wouldn't have the same effect if they knew (and weren't in denial) that the songs are about women (or now about them, ironically).

Last Verse/Outro

“I’m just getting color back into my face/im just mad as hell cause I loved this place/for so long London/had a good run/moment of war son/but I’m not the one”

The first line here parallels the language in “you’re losing me”, which uses the metaphor of a relationship literally dying (“i can’t find a pulse”, etc). In this song she is leaving the relationship to save herself, and in leaving she is recovering her health, hence getting the color back in her face after being pale when sick and near death.

“This place” or London, is a stand in for the world, the Swiftverse that she created for and with her fans. It had been her life’s work, her source of pride, self worth, her legacy, but now she must leave, because it was built in large part around a self she created to make herself palatable to the fans she amassed. She can’t be that person anymore, and maybe in some ways “this place” doesn’t even really feel like hers. This parallels Florida!!!, "your home's really a town you're just a guest in/so you work your life away/just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin". She is just a guest in the musical world of the brand of Taylor Swift that she spent her whole life building ("the story isn't mine anymore")

To close, she repeats the main lines of the chorus,

“So long London/Stitches undone/two graves, one gun/you’ll find someone”

This repetition drives home the finality of this decision - her exit, her killing her public persona, her detaching herself from those that don't see and support her, and her reassuring herself that those people will find someone else to worship, and someone else to see themselves in, and her realization and relief that they aren't her responsibility anymore.

#gaylor #kaylor #bearding #closeting #ttpd #so long london

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wiishopwednesday · 3 months

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sorry to be autistic but ive gotta tlak about csh for a minute because it really blows me away by how meta twin fantasy is ,like will created ftf as a reflection on the relationship he was in and the emotions he was feeling during the creation of mtm..also like the names of the respective versions ,"mirror to mirror" signifying how both of the people in the relationship only really loved the reflection of themselves they saw in the other [he also references this in strangers, where he says "i sleep lying next to a mirror" which is also a metaphor for being a homosexual] and face to face being the new version, signifying that he has finally come to terms,has finally had proverbial "conversation" face to face about the past feelings he felt while writing twin fantasy and has fully acknowledged what he felt and has moved on. this is also apparent in his past-tense use of words instead of present-tense like the usage of words in mtm [ftf those boys says "they were connected/at the back of the head/they *had* a conduit/their minds *were* the same" meanwhile mtm those boys says "they were connected/at the back of the head/they *got* a conduit/their minds *are* the same". he realizes the relationship has ended and its over now. a piece of fiction, if you will.]

also in mtm will states that "he has only lyrics now," that he is in despair over the loss of the relationship and the fact that the relationship is now a work of fiction that only exists in his mind-a fantasy. however in ftf he recognizes this and comes to terms with it- it is just a song. it is just lyrics. he even changes "he has only lyrics now" to "these are only lyrics now". he has changed, he has reflected and moved on. this is just a piece of fiction to him now, anything can happen from here. i also really like the change in famous prophets to where he no longer name drops himself and cate wurtz. like he says, "the contract is up, the names have been changed". this is no longer a breakup album made about wurtz but instead a piece of fiction documenting the feelings he experienced during a part of his life

i also really like these lyrics, taken from a bible verse about the 3 wise men i believe ? but the end was edited to say "now these Two remain" to reference the two people in the relationship

its just so interesting. you break up with someone, one of you writes a breakup album in a fit of feeling, 7 years pass and youre both left to deal with the fallout. anything can happen from here. now these two remain and they must see face to face to put their past behind them.

the allusion to "the lady" by hojin stella jung at the end of ftf high to death is also incredibly powerful. the way he uses the words hojin uses to talk about their feelings while painting the portfolio of the lady to refer to his own feelings of making the original twin fantasy is so good and so compelling. the way they say "it was intense, it was an intense process, and it was how i was trying to, very hard, personify that intensity/but its hard to talk about her now, because i think she wasnt me/at least thats how i feel and im trying to figure out what to do now......but i did believe in her, 'the lady', and maybe/there is a different form now that the intensity takes" is an incredible parallel to will's feelings about writing the original twin fantasy and its a really powerful end to a song i think

#sorry i rambled on discord about csh at 1am and decided some cshheads might wanna see this #twin fantasy #twin fantasy ftf #twin fantasy mtm #car seat headrest #csh #will toledo #1td #1 trait danger #toby.txt

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beebopboom · 3 months

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If Gabriel can leave Heaven and be with Beelzebub, why can’t Aziraphale do the same with Crowley?

That’s a general question right? Something along those lines? How Gabriel did the “good” thing and how Aziraphale did the “bad” one, yeah?

Well I have a few thoughts on this so let’s go through it real quick on why Gabriel could and why it shouldn’t immediately be equated as the “good” choice - especially in comparison with Aziraphale’s

Also none of this is a slight against Gabriel/Beelzebub - it’s just a different relationship, different circumstances.

and this is just my interpretation obviously so yeah - do with it what you will

ok actual rant time go-

Gabriel and Beelzebub meeting how they did would not have happened without Armageddon being adverted.

They would have been on opposite sides of the battlefield but instead they ended up actually talking and in the process finding someone they could relate to. Their spark had been ignited and they continued to flame it.

To put it simply-

Gabriel and Beelzebub’s relationship is that of one between an Angel and a Demon. Aziraphale and Crowley’s is a relationship between two beings that happen to be an Angel and a Demon.

And that is a very big difference

Gabriel and Beelzebub are each other’s Heaven and Hell - they said so themselves. They may not be choosing sides but those two are the only ones they see, Heaven vs. Hell.

Even at the very end of every thing they are still an Angel and Demon - and in the case of Gabriel at least still holds those same opinions of the other side with the exception of Beelzebub of course

They don’t really see the third side that Aziraphale and Crowley have placed themselves on - they don’t have that connection to humanity not really.

For most of their existence pretty much every interaction with humans has been strictly professional and by the book. Sure Gabriel likes the clothes and his statue - and they have their song but that’s it.

They don’t have that history - that need to do the right thing by humanity not just themselves. As long as they got to be together they could care less about the rest of it.

Earth just happened to be the place they met up as it was the easiest. Not moving forward with Armageddon was not in the interests of keeping humanity around - it was in the interests of this being the place where they meet up and hey it has some vaguely interesting things about it - nothing has to change for them if they keep it around

Also they are both coming from very high positions of power on their respective sides - positions that are hard to touch. They are the ones making decisions and ordering people about. They were the ones to play judge and executioner.

No one in that bookshop at that moment was really in the position to stop them from leaving. The one being that really had that power, The Metatron, came later and really just benefited from all this.

and The Fear that is ever present throughout Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship is barely there for Gabriel and Beelzebub really.

Heaven and Hell’s relationship particularly between the higher ups is so fascinating. The “backchannels” are practically an open secret and getting the other side to do their bidding is a running trend.

What did Gabriel and Beelzebub have to fear? Any meet up they were caught at could very easily be explained away. And honestly both sides have been fumbling trying to come up with plans - they weren’t paying attention.

At no point in his trial does Gabriel look nervous - he is very nonchalant about the whole thing because it’s whatever, they had a plan in place for this. He is no longer obligated to hold his position of power and oh? they aren’t going to send him to hell? welp he’s still leaving anyway.

Him leaving was just not acknowledging the problem, the system. He didn’t benefit from it anymore as he found something better, Beelzebub. So what was the point of staying and being demoted when he could just leave?

And the biggest and most important thing about all of this is-

They weren’t the first

no no no that goes to Aziraphale and Crowley.

Making choices and picking sides - things they were not made to do

6000 years of hiding their friendship - thousands of years spent worrying about being watched, about the other being hurt - thousands of years of living among humanity somewhat doing their jobs, mainly just enjoying being there and interfering where they could.

They didn’t get the privilege of knowing the loopholes between the two establishments so they made their own

Coming up with guidelines and routines so they weren’t discovered - that were then shattered after they helped advert Armageddon and were discovered.

and when they survived execution no one knew what they were - they had gone native

Completely intertwined with history and the fate of humanity - Earth was their home

They became each other’s World

they protected each other from Death

but all those routines and structures going away is jarring - difficult to work through

they are each their own character - with their own way of processing and doing things - thrust into a space that they may have wanted but never truly thought they would get. This is all a lot

All the things that Aziraphale has had to deal with are things that have never even crossed Gabriel’s mind - the guilt, the doubt, the uncertainty

4 years is not a lot of time to work through that really - not to them (not to anyone really)

4 years where they both knew it wasn’t over for them, for humanity - that eventually there was going to be another Big Event.

Fear that has never went away for either of them.

this is not a case of “oh Aziraphale and Crowley had over six thousand years to work on their relationship and failed, yet Gabriel and Beelzebub were able to work it out in four”

this is “they both had four years - Aziraphale and Crowley just had an added six thousand years of fear and repression to dig through”

Aziraphale went back to Heaven because everything is at a higher stake for him than it has been or will ever be for Gabriel - Gabriel gets the trial and Aziraphale gets the execution

Because the thing about Aziraphale is he cares - he cares so much about the future of humanity and his own future - which is not a bad thing

If there is two things to never doubt about Aziraphale it is his love for humanity and Crowley

But there was no choice in The Metatron’s “offer”however it was an opportunity

and he has just been “offered” the same position he just seen the previous holder get to go off together with his demon partner and no punishment.

Aziraphale knows what “big plans” means for Heaven, even if he didn’t know exactly what it was - he’s been on Earth watching them play out for 6000 years.

His goal up there is not whatever these big plans are the Metatron was talking about - he is going up there to change it (and is that such a bad thing? I mean we saw how he was with Muriel)

He is making the best out of getting backed into a corner - unfortunately it resulted in both of them him getting hurt in the process

but if there is one thing to take away from their last look is that although they may be hurt there, there is understanding and trust - and love between them

Going off was what Gabriel wanted and Going back was never Aziraphale’s choice to make.

so can they really be compared as the right and wrong when the circumstances around the situations were vastly different?

————————————————————————

ok I ran out of steam towards the end there and it might be a little incoherent but have a fun little headcanon to make up for it

you cannot convince me otherwise that Gabriel and Beelzebub don’t bitch about Aziraphale and Crowley - at the very least one of their meeting was just dedicated to bitching about the two of them

#don’t take this too seriously #it is very late #and I’m back - with a rant #because the last few days have been so shitty I just want to rant about something #and this felt appropriate #good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #gabriel x beelzebub #ineffable bureaucracy #boxfly #good omens gabriel #good omens beelzebub

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findafight · 11 months

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ty for pointing out that steve graduated on time despite a severe concussion and likely limited or non-existent support (esp considering how his dad reacted to the college thing). it's also worth noting that steve had no issues passing his classes throughout high school while playing and captaining at least 2 sports (3 if you count baseball [on top of other clubs and extracurriculars] from that yearbook thing they released post s1 i think). that's not easy to do. it also irritates me sm when they harp on steve confusing the names of things as proof that he's incredibly dumb or illiterate. esp the gumby thing when it's a fucking children's cartoon. even the german vs nazi thing makes sense in the context of him having a grandfather that fought in ww2, told him stories, and probably called the nazis germans. also v hypocritical when it's not commonly pointed out that the soviets are near exclusively called the russians. yet they always conveniently forget that steve is the only reason they figured out the russian code was coming from the mall (and, going by dialogue in the scene, was specifically the person that put together that the message was coming from the mall on top of recognizing the music and being the only person to pay attention to it - i always see the realization that the message is from hawkins misattributed to dustin) and the only reason they got out of the elevator in the same season where's he supposedly illiterate and incredibly stupid bc he confused the names of things. i stg ppl that do this so they can hype eddie up make eddie feel like my enemy.

Do I think Steve was getting A's? No. Do I think for the back half of his senior year he was working his ass off to scratch C's? Yes. VERY frustrating and honestly kind of hurtful when people keep calling him stupid about it! I interpret a lot of Steve's spacier moments to post concussive syndrome, and it's actually so impressive he's doing as well as he is especially in S3, just over seven months since billy, and is finished hs. Buddy bounced back! People love giving Steve migraines as a lasting symptom of his head trauma but don't acknowledge that focus and what I call "thinking speed" are also affected. Like yeah it'll take him a minute to process what is happening and formulate a response/plan, his brain was goop a few months ago! And S4 happens less than six months after S3 so like yeah. Clearly he's not at 100% we should all be so proud of him.

S1 sort of indicates he cruises through school when helping Nancy study. He's not a model student, and while one could argue teachers were more lenient because he was on sports teams and they wanted to win, that wouldn't have applied after billy beat him because he'd have had to take a leave from the teams, and it's the eighties so some teachers would potentially have thought "serves him right for fighting".

Steve is consistently making connections to things that others aren't! With the "realizing Russians in the mall" thing he is definitely leading Dustin to the conclusion. He goes "Indiana flyer? No way" or something to indicate that it's unlikely the message was from elsewhere, and he has already realized that the transmission is from Starcourt, and wants Dustin and Robin to as well. Just because Dustin said it doesn't mean he figured it out.

(I find people also attribute a lot of what Robin does and figures out to Nancy? Robin gets the newspaper that talks about Victor Creel being possessed by demons, Robin gets them into the hospital, Robin makes the connection to music as key to saving a victim. Stobin contributions so underappreciated smh)

Steve's quick on his feet and makes sure they're able to get out of the elevator with an Indiana Jones move! Without getting caught! I once saw someone saying it's Steve's fault they were trapped at all because he was older and should have put a stop to it, but. Did they think Dustin would drop it? And not explore by himself?? Also Steve's 18. Notorious dumbass decision age. (They also don't know the Soviets are in the mall, and then don't know it's an elevator) yeah it's a bad call, but where is this attitude for Nancy and Jon trying to expose the lab in s2 that absolutely would have known who snuck in and recorded Owens (why weren't they searched?) And then disappeared them. Like if you want to do that with Steve do it with everyone who has made a decision that potentially put people in danger. Hell, Hopper's the reason the lab agents go to the school in S1! He sells El out!

The German/Nazi thing is weird like. Everybody knew who he meant. What OTHER Germans would be a connection there. Yeah it's not "correct" but also. It's not wrong either. Especially when you're right! Russian/Soviet is used pretty interchangeably in the series I think even though many other countries were considered Soviets. Gumby/gumbo is such...a dumb thing to use as proof Steve is illiterate or whatever. Only one is a real word, and it's not Gumby!! Mixing up and confusing words is a normal thing, and these are one letter off and sound similar. Shit happens.

Him connecting Henry Creel to being a clockmaker? Logical conclusion to make given the emphasis the clock had gotten. He's also the one to find the pet siders and it doesn't mean anything even those were Henry's schtick. Literally they included that to make Steve look stupid for making a connection and then getting scared by spiders in his hair and I was just sitting there nodding along like wow same king you're so smart.

Idk I don't like comparing him and Eddie this way because it's not a competition? Frustrating when people try to make it seem that way. You don't need to drag Steve to make Eddie look good? Eddie wants to graduate, and I think it's probably a combo of him skipping and also not being good at/liking formal schooling and possibly some teacher bigotry that prevents him from getting a bit of slack that keeps him in hs. Eddie's good at what he likes and cares about (he's a brilliant guitar player!) And likely doesn't focus on things that don't interest him. That's fine!! But just because he's a rabble rouser and a weird guy and poor, doesn't mean teachers, for three rounds of grade twelve, held him back for no reason.

Idk it's like. Teachers can have biases and that can influence their teaching and interactions and expectations of students, but for it to happen twice to the point that Eddie didn't pass, seems very unlikely, because most teachers do want their students, even the ones that annoy them and they don't like, to graduate. It's sort of insulting to insinuate they would get away with it for three years without any other teacher complaining? Or calling them out? There are bad teachers out there but there are so many good ones too. Saying that the only reason he didn't is because of everyone but him and then turning around calling Steve stupid when he did a near impossible task? Seems weird. Don't agree. Bad take. Acknowledge people have different intelligences and can be better/worse at formal schooling than others and move on.

#steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #meta #findaanswers #stranger things meta #anonasaurus #finda's rambles

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kwanzaa-wakanda · 5 months

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Why you don't know anyone who celebrates Kwanzaa

"Because no one cares"

"Because it's a sham holiday made by a con artist"

"Because it's dumb"

"Because no True African would ever celebrate Kwanzaa."

These are all bad faith arguments. They aren't meant to actually explain why, and do more to devalue the holiday as well as people who celebrate it or at least respect it.

So, why don't you know people who celebrate Kwanzaa? After all, you have so many Black friends, or maybe even you are Black yourself, shouldn't Kwanzaa be everywhere?

This post is a bit long, and some points are explored more deeper than others, but I think this will provide an explanation that's actually pretty fair and common sense. The short version:

Kwanzaa is a newer, anti-consumerist holiday that does not appeal to every single Black person. And that's okay!

1. Kwanzaa is a newer holiday.

Kwanzaa is only about 60 years old. It's not going to be as popular as Christmas. Other holidays, say Veteran's Day, Memorial Day, or Martin Luther King Jr. Day are about as old or even younger than Kwanzaa, so why are they celebrated more widely? Well, it helps that they're all federal holidays with a state structure to back them up. Individual people can celebrate those holidays, but they don't have to, institutions celebrate them for us by giving us time off work and making a public statement (maybe a donation or two). Other than that, those holidays are largely upheld by community events, just like Kwanzaa (more on this later).

The types of family traditions we associate with Christmas take generations to build. Even other older holidays like Mother's Day don't have any real traditions inherently associated with them--we all give our moms a gift but beyond that, everyone engages with it differently.

New holidays need time to catch on. Institutional structures help speed that process along, but Kwanzaa doesn't really have that. So it's going to be slower than others in terms of attracting people.

2. Kwanzaa is anti-consumerist inherently.

In America, consumerism makes up a very large part of how people engage in holidays. Note that I'm not saying "people only celebrate other holidays for consumerist reasons", I am saying that a lot of the driving forces that 'remind' us to take holidays seriously in the US are market forces. We're inundated with advertisements, sales, and decorations that help create a 'feeling' of the holiday (be it Christmas, Valentine's Day, Halloween, etc) which also make it easier to engage with the holiday. We can get the supplies we need at the store. If we don't have plans then there's probably a business throwing a party around that time to keep us entertained. Gift-giving and feast preparation is expressed through buying products en masse so we prepare financially. Holiday specific media sculpts our collective understanding of the holiday's themes even if we don't engage directly.

Kwanzaa, as an explicitlyanti-consumerist holiday, doesn't lend itself to that level of cultural zeitgeist in the US. People exchange gifts and decorate places for Kwanzaa, but commerce during Kwanzaa is typically kept within Black communities through dealing directly with (small) Black Owned businesses. Given that most corporations in the US are white owned, there's very little reason for the market structure to incentive our continued engagement in Kwanzaa. The passive acknowledgement that it's a holiday that exists is the most we can really hope for.

Imagine Halloween without candy sales, Spirit Halloween stores, Halloween parties or costume nights at our favorite restaurants and bars. Imagine no horror movies coming out in October! In a world like that, I and many other people would still celebrate Halloween, but it wouldn't be as easy, and a lot of people probably wouldn't acknowledge it at all, because it isn't as easy.

Kwanzaa explicitly resists the market forces that help holidays stay in our daily lives. We all value our holidays beyond those forces, but we can't deny the very heavy role they play. We can argue that such market forces are morally neutral or even good, but not in this post--whatever your view of holiday consumerism, it's critical to understand that Kwanzaa was organized specifically for people who don't appreciate such consumerism.

3. Kwanzaa does not appeal to all Black people equally.

I think this is one of the hardest points for people both within and outside the community to grasp. The holiday is for Black people, and is meant to appeal to as broad a sampling of Black people as possible. That doesn't mean it will appeal to everyone, though.

The target audience for Kwanzaa is Black people, regardless of nationality, who believe in a shared political unity, heritage, and cultural engagement of all Black people regardless of nationality.

Thing is, not all Black people believe in or value those things. Not all Black people are Pan-Africanist, Afrocentrist, or Black Nationalist, or any other Negritude philosophy. These philosophies are widespread in politics and scholarship, but outside of those dimensions of life engagement with them gets complicated.

You may have heard that "no Africans celebrate Kwanzaa" this is largely true because Africans live in families and communities where their African heritage is already affirmed through other means, including other holidays. Kwanzaa therefore doesn't appeal to them, even if they do believe in all it's themes. Such people may go to Kwanzaa events if invited, but they likely wouldn't hold them for themselves.

Many in the African Diaspora understand their identity most immediately by the region they settled in, and only have a distant sense of African identity. They don't deny being African or having African heritage, but they see being Caribbean, or Brazilian, or American as more relevant. Kwanzaa therefore doesn't appeal to them as it's not specific enough.

Kwanzaa is not closed to any Black demographic and actively encourages all of us to celebrate it. But not all of us will find it appealing.

I would compare Kwanzaa to a holiday like Easter--its a Christian holiday meant to appeal to all Christians equally. But if you aren't church-going and have no children in the family, you probably don't celebrate Easter to any meaningful extent, or your engagement is so personal that it isn't considered very mainstream or traditional.

The point I'm trying to make is: holidays aren't guaranteed to appeal to everyone in their target demographic. Though the reasons why diverge, not every Christian celebrates Easter, not every Black person celebrates Kwanzaa.

4. Communal Kwanzaa celebration is more popular than in-home, but that also carries some drawbacks to it.

Whenever people interested in celebrating Kwanzaa ask me how to get started, I often tell them to look into community celebrations. They're usually put on by churches (perhaps even mosques), community centers, cultural activity groups, or political groups. And therein lies the problem--if you don't live in close proximity to that type of Black community, or the community is invisiblized, then even if there are communal Kwanzaa celebrations to check out you probably won't know about them.

You can't just ask a random Black person about a Kwanzaa event, typically. My advice is to tell people to check out a Black bookstore (and, if available, an African cultural store or an Afro spiritual store). The types of people organizing Kwanzaa events are usually those deeply enmeshed in cultural and political Black discourses, particularly those that affirm an African heritage. But such people aren't found everywhere. In my experience, you can find such people and spaces in most major cities, and so a Kwanzaa celebration probably isn't too far away either. Everywhere else, though...

The only other option to find Kwanzaa celebrations, in my experience, are through Black student clubs in colleges. Not all of them do Kwanzaa activities due to many factors (cost, timing, interest, etc), but my undergrad college did and I know that others throughout the country do. However, such activities may not be open to the public (again, for varying reasons -- cost, timing, interest, college policy...).

When people ask about personal celebration, they usually ask about in-home celebration, treating community celebrations or celebrations in schools as less serious or legitimate. Kwanzaa in general is itself rare, but the idyllic in-home celebration is even rarer -- I myself was raised engaging in Kwanzaa almost entirely through community rather than in-home celebrations (though I started doing in-home for myself in recent years).

---

How, then, should we treat people who celebrate Kwanzaa, or even the non-Black people who don't celebrate it but acknowledge it as a valid holiday?

Honestly, I don't get why that has to be a question. Sure, it's a very marginal holiday, but it's also harmless to treat it respectfully and try and make room in your life in case you ever come across someone who does celebrate it.

I made this post because I often see this idea that people were "tricked" about Kwanzaa. I fail to see what harm has transpired. I don't get why people use their lack of awareness of Kwanzaa or Black communities that celebrate it as a "gotcha" that proves Kwanzaa is a scheme. When I do try to understand the logic underlying this, I come back to this idea that holidays and cultures have to earn respect and validation, that being included in our American idea of "Holiday Time" requires that holidays have a certain number of people we already respect, whom would be offended otherwise.

But that isn't a perspective that I share. I can't say how many people need to celebrate a holiday in America before I stop thinking it an insult or a lie that said holiday be included next to Christmas in a holiday greeting; the number doesn't exist because I don't hold Christmas or Hannukah in so high esteem. I value Christmas in as much as I recognize other people value it, the same is true of Hannukah and Yule (and even the pagan witches I've known didn't celebrate Yule). To me, the only thing one needs to be worthy of consideration as one of The Holidays is to simply be celebrated by people around this time of year.

#kwanzaa #kwanza #i spell it both ways when I tag cuz I know a lot of people get it wrong but the extra a is right #black culture #black community #happy holidays

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genshinnrambles · 1 year

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[3.3]: On Dreams, the Abyss, Forbidden Knowledge, and Wish Fulfillment

So basically I was reading for another theory about automatons and the uncanny in Genshin, but ended up with some separate-but-related ideas that grew legs and a tail and is now this post. Today I’d like to discuss how Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of dream interpretation provides a framework to help us understand what the Abyss is, what Irminsul edits do to reality, and what forbidden knowledge might be. If you are not caught up on the 3.3 Interlude Archon Quest (Inversion of Genesis), Nahida’s Story Quest, Aranyaka, or Perilous Trail, do not read any further!

(As a side note: I will be simplifying Freud, but I hope that in the process I am not butchering him. Corrections on how the information is presented and applied are welcome!)

Psychoanalysis 101 - On Freud’s Theory of Dream Interpretation

Though it may seem unrelated, in order to begin to understand Freud’s conception of dreams it is actually useful to start with his theory on the psychology of errors. This theory is more commonly known as the “Freudian slip,” the accidental voicing of an unconscious thought often (though not exclusively) through substituting one word for another.

Freud believed that errors occur when two different tendencies “collide” with one another in the process of communicating. The error is not a result of the interrupting tendency triumphing over the other, but is rather the compromise produced between the two tendencies in their collision. For example, I’m talking to someone I don’t particularly like and have to express some politeness to them, but my sentence comes out wrong and includes a more hostile word than I originally intended - the error betrays that my true feelings are not amiable toward this person, but the error in and of itself is not the true expression of my feelings, just a hint toward them.

Importantly, you do not have to be consciously aware of the thought or feeling that produces an error such as in the above example in order for the error to exist. We don’t even have to acknowledge that thought as our true feelings in order for it to serve as the error’s origin. As a psychoanalyst, this angle is crucial to Freud. The unconscious is the realm of the repressed, and to psychoanalysts it is where our most honest thoughts and feelings reside. I don’t have to acknowledge to myself that my feelings towards someone are less than positive for those negative feelings to still exist. I can even actively deny those feelings, suppressing them in favor of less critical thoughts. But I can’t just delete my feelings - they persist, festering in my unconscious mind.

Having understood this, we can approach Freud’s theory of dream interpretation with some important context and clarity. He theorized that dreams work very similarly to errors, in that the dream is the result of an interrupting stimulus or stimuli acting upon the body’s “tendency” to sleep, and the dream is a compromise between the two tendencies in order to protect sleep. Freud acknowledges the way that external stimuli such as noises manifest in a dream, but focuses his theory on the internal stimuli that act on the sleeping body in a hope to disturb sleep – namely, thoughts and feelings, most of which are repressed by our unconscious. Freud also acknowledges somatic stimuli as interrupting sleep, but does not elaborate on them in his theory of dreams.

Freud believed the manifest dream content, the images that you’re shown in a dream, are a result of the latent dream thought, the unconscious thought disturbing your sleep, being transformed by the dream-censor through a process known as the dream-work.

The dream-censor disguises the latent dream thought in the manifest dream content, distorting it’s true meaning to the point that is unrecognizable. At least, in dreams that do not fall under what Freud called infantile type dreams (and we’ll discuss this type in just a minute). So, the dream-censor protects the ego from the unconscious thought through distortion. In order to arrive at the true meaning of a dream, the dreamer must freely associate the manifest dream content with other things in order to decipher the distortion and identify the latent dream thought. With me so far?

Freud also thought there were different types of dreams, one of which is the infantile dream. These dreams have very little distortion between the latent dream thought and the manifest dream content, though distortion is still present. An example he gives is of a little girl who dreamt of sailing a boat on the lake - she had sailed with her family the previous day, but their time sailing ended before she would have liked. The latent dream thought behind her dream, then, was “I would like to sail on the lake,” transformed into “I am sailing on the lake” in the manifest dream content. Freud thought infantile dreams held key information about the nature of dreams in general, which he hypothesized was wish-fulfillment. He believed that wish-fulfillment was central to all kinds of dreams, even what he called anxiety dreams, but that this idea is most evident when examining simpler dreams with little distortion. In the case of anxiety dreams, he asserts that they cause an anxious feeling precisely because the wish underlying them is one that we reject and repress, but it is so strong that the dream-censor fails to censor it fully.

We’re nearly done here, but this last idea is very important. The dream-censor effectively rejects the wishes and thoughts dredged up from the unconscious again by transforming them in the dream-work into something unrecognizable. Freud then asks, well, why is it that these rejected wishes only express themselves at night? Freud hypothesizes that the mind’s censorship is strongest during the day, but at night the censorship is “suspended, or at least very much weakened” (229) in favor of sleep, allowing these wishes to express themselves at all.

Aru: They are what the Jibashiri call the Shades of Tokoyo. But bear in mind the principle that “to know sin is to be free of it.” Do not tell them that they are afterimages.

So, let’s summarize this:

Freud thought dreams are a compromise between continued sleep and stimuli that would otherwise disturb sleep.

He maintains that when the stimulus is mental, it is dredged from the unconscious and censored into illusions that obscure the original meaning of the thought to protect the ego and make the thought incomprehensible.

He also thought that behind this mental stimulus is a wish seeking fulfillment, which is partially accomplished through the dream.

However, the dream cannot truly resolve the wish. The thought, therefore, persists in the unconscious until it is worked through in the conscious life (like through talk therapy).

Rejected wishes express themselves at night because this is the time the censorship is weakest.

While Freud’s theory is far from watertight, and the following applications to Genshin will also not be 1:1, I hope this can be a useful tool in some cases for trying to understand some of the concepts discussed in the intro. Without further ado,

Theory #1: The “chaotic space” beneath the Chasm behaves like a dream.

Now, I very well could just refer to Paimon’s dialogue in Nahida’s story quest stating that “dreams are chaotic,” then refer to the repetition in Perilous Trail of the term “chaotic space” and call it a day, and frankly I think there’s sufficient supporting evidence in the rest of Nahida’s story quest and Aranyaka to render this an acceptable choice, but I also think it’s useful to review all of the ways the space beneath the Chasm does reflect a dream space according to Freud’s theory of dreams, if for no other reason than to extrapolate these findings to other quests.

From the minute that the Traveler, Paimon, Yelan, Yanfei, Itto, and Shinobu fall into the chaotic space, things are not quite right. They notice that their sense of time past differs significantly amongst each other and their bodies seem to be in a “suspended” state, not accumulating fatigue or hunger. What’s more, some of them report strange sightings - fissures that appear and disappear, items that vanish, people that vanish. Illusions. They even stumble upon a strange room after falling through a fissure that shows them an unpleasant or anxiety-inducing thought specific to them, one that they all would “wish to avoid.” What’s going on here?

“All the things that we wish to avoid.”

Let’s start with the strange room, and interpret the illusions as if they were dreams. We may not be convinced at this moment that these are in fact dreams, but let’s see what happens when we try fitting them to Freud’s theory. In particular, we’re looking for “manifest dream content,” which we will help translate into a “latent dream thought” with the help of the dreamer, and through this we should be able to identify some kind of “wish.”

Itto’s illusion is Inazumans throwing beans at him and berating him for his influence on their children. This illusion could represent a real memory of Itto’s - one of the NPC’s is named, after all - but he never identifies who these people are to him beyond their Inazuman heritage, so there is no way of knowing if it is an identical memory or not. Still, let’s apply some Freud here and interpret the scene, treating it as an anxiety dream due to Itto’s reaction to it: The manifest dream content, the Inazumans throwing beans at him, represents Itto’s desire to avoid the ire of humans. Indeed, he greatly fears it. The latent dream thought behind the manifest dream content, then, is Itto’s wish to befriend humans and live a carefree life. Despite this sincerity, he is often met with animosity from people other than the Arataki Gang and the children of Hanamizaka. Itto’s wish to befriend humans causes him fear to admit, even if that fear is unconscious, because the scene from the manifest dream content is what he is so often met with in real life.

Similarly, we have Shinobu’s illusion. Importantly, Shinobu only claims familiarity with the conversation her mother’s illusion is having with her, and not exactly with the scene itself. This is a hair-splitting point for me to make, but I hope if you’re not convinced now that after the next two examples it will seem more plausible.

Yanfei: Your mother wanted you to become a shrine maiden?

Kuki Shinobu: The whole reason I came to study in Liyue was because I didn't want to become a shrine maiden. My family never approved of my studies, so they wanted me to work in the Grand Narukami Shrine after I returned to Inazuma.

Paimon: From what we know about Lady Guuji, it seems being a shrine maiden is a pretty cushy job.

Kuki Shinobu: Think of it this way: Some cats can be domesticated and kept in the house, while other cats are meant to survive in the wild... As for me, I need complete freedom and space. Although I do admit that being a shrine maiden is a decent job, it's just not for me.

From this excerpt, I would guess that Shinobu’s wish and latent dream thought is as she says: she wants to live her life freely and pursue anything that interests her. The manifest dream content demonstrates the anxiety that her conviction in this wish causes her through the resistance she faces from her family members as a consequence.

Yanfei’s illusion is where things start to get interesting. She sees people having a civil dispute, something she often has to deal with in her profession as a lawyer:

Paimon: Who were they?

Yanfei: No one in particular, but it is a prime example of the many difficult civil cases that I've had trouble handling before.

Yelan: Hmm, so you mean you don't like handling disputes over petty matters?

Yanfei: Not exactly, what I mean is that I don't like working with people who cannot let go of trivial grievances, especially of the kind you saw just now. They start with good intentions, but end up making a big fuss...

She then states that her motivation in pursuing this profession is to help people solve problems, but that people like those in her illusion are difficult for her to comprehend. Her wish is to successfully navigate difficult legal terrain to help her clients, her anxiety is that she is not equipped to do so because she can’t understand everyone’s “complicated minds.” Put in more Freudian terms, the fact that Yanfei strongly wishes to solve people’s problems as a lawyer despite knowing she finds some minds particularly incomprehensible causes her some anxiety.

Finally, we have the Traveler’s illusion. It is nothing but the vast Abyss. The Abyss that took their twin away, who they are always searching for. We know intimately that their wish is to find them, and their anxiety is that they never will, that this journey of theirs is pointless - hence the twin’s lack of presence in the illusion.

Yanfei’s comment that her illusions were no one in particular also makes me suspect that the previous NPC’s identities are less important than the ideas and thoughts they are representing. The scenes are not the reenactment of a memory, but a distorted illustration of a unconscious thought. Where these illusions at times do not line up with Freud is that the dreamer’s wish is not repressed but is in fact something that the dreamer is actively pursuing in real life. If the wish is not repressed, perhaps the doubts and anxiety associated with them are. Regardless, both seek expression through the illusions, with varying amounts of distortion.

Are we at least receptive to the possibility that these illusions are more than just tricks the space is playing on the crew, that there are wishes underlying them that are specific to each person and draws from both the conscious and the unconscious? If so, I would like to propose that this room did not just show illusions of scenes specific to the people opening them, but dreams.

“Reading our minds.”

Now, let’s deal with the other illusions outside of the strange room. The chaotic space is demonstrably manipulative in how it interacts with each of them. While looking for Xiao and a way out, it projects an odd illusion of him and his voice through a fissure to lure the crew to the dream room. Yelan reports seeing illusions of catalysts specific to her clan and of people when she was there to find the truth about Boyang’s fate. Yanfei also notes that “the chaotic space” is really a misnomer, as it is really several spaces that constantly intersect with one another and can be directly influenced by their own mind’s wishes. They are not completely at the space’s mercy, in other words.

Remember how Freud thought that dreams were a vehicle for wish-fulfillment? It turns out that everyone who makes it to the deepest levels of the Chasm’s illusions also had a deeper purpose for being there: Xiao wished to find Bosacius, Yelan wished to learn the truth about what happened to Boyang during the Cataclysm, Yanfei wished to find the Fantastic Compass, and the Traveler is always wishing to find their twin.

Yelan: This is a long shot, but it may be our last chance…so, whose wish was it that summoned this device?

Traveler: Perhaps it was all of us.

In this deepest part of the space, all of these wishes are answered. While the space undoubtedly had an ulterior motive of trapping them further by using their wishes as lures, the facts remain the same - by stumbling into the last domain after Itto breaks another illusion along the cave’s walls, they’re able to make contact with several phantoms of the Fantastic Compass, allowing them to navigate to the correct time-spaces to get closer to what they all wished to find. I haven’t read too much on this topic, but my first thought is that this is similar to what it might feel like to have a lucid dream.

Yelan gets her answer about Boyang, Yanfei finds the Fantastic Compass, Xiao learns Bosacius’s fate, and the Traveler is cruelly tricked once again with a phantom of their twin in a time-space that resembles the Abyss. Though the space does effectively “fulfill” their wishes with the added direction of the compass, are the answers what they truly wanted? Did it give them peace, or did it serve to lower their spirits again?

Yelan: I went back to the domain again just now. Although I couldn't find a new route, it wasn't a completely fruitless trip.

Yelan: My clan has practiced magic for generations and has created some catalysts that only we know how to use.

Yelan: I recognized something like one of these catalysts in the domain. Unfortunately, it disappeared as soon as I approached it.

Traveler: Was it an illusion?

Yelan: I think so. But it's hard to distinguish between reality and illusion here. I can't be sure.

Yelan: Also... I am the only one out of all of us who could know what it would look like. To me, that confirms that this place really is reading our minds.

Yanfei: Just like with that door. It's like it's alive, and testing us.

Yelan: By reading our minds and showing us what we want, it creates the reality that we want to be true... Everything it does is either to get us to lower our guard or to wear us down.

Yelan: If that's the case, it can only have one goal: To trap us here until we die. What else could it be?

I would make only one amendment to Yelan’s comments here - the space is not just reading their minds, it is their minds. It is their shared dream. It projects illusions using everyone’s memories, unconscious wishes, and conscious thoughts. The illusions are a result of these thoughts interrupting the space’s influence. Their purpose is to draw the dreamers in further, luring them deeper into the space so it can continue its tendency to consume their souls. Without speculating too much off the deep end, it is clear that the chaotic space traps souls and is capable of holding physical objects taken there, though those objects are no longer able to be taken out. We see this from the notes Boyang and the other Millelith soldiers left behind, as well as from the Fantastic Compass. Clearly, none of these items belonged to any of the people in the Traveler’s crew, so the space must continue to exist regardless of someone’s physical presence within it. I would speculate that the reason this is the case is because the chaotic space is sustained by the souls it consumes. Yes, I mean to say that the chaotic space is also the shared dream of all of the fallen soldiers, of Bosacius, and of Boyang. They are all still “there” in the space, wandering as lost souls, as Xiao implies of Bosacius during his fight with his illusion.

Escape from the Depths

Let’s wrap up this theory here, because we still have a lot of ground to cover. I’ll conclude with some remarks on the red specter-forms that try to prevent the team’s escape from the space at the end.

There is an achievement after the conclusion of this cutscene titled Layers of Fear, which I believe provides a hint at what these specters are supposed to be. If we at least partially accept that the chaotic space behaves like a dream, and that in order to conjure the images characteristic of manifest dream content the space would also need to have access to the dreamer’s unconscious in some way, then these specters are the raw embodied form of the fearful thoughts of everyone trying to escape (to say nothing of how they could also belong to the souls consumed in the space). They are trying to drag them back down into the depths, a symbol of the unconscious where repressed anxiety and fear fester. In the next couple of theories, I’ll make some guesses as to what this means on a broader scope.

Theory #2: The chaotic space shares characteristics with the Abyss, but is not quite the Abyss.

In the last theory, we briefly touch on the possibility that the chaotic space is a shared dream space, and that it is sustained by the souls it consumes. The next question would be, if this were true, then what comes first? The dream space or the soul? How did the space come to be? While I don’t have a definitive answer for that, I do have another rabbit hole we might jump down based on Katheryne’s dialogue in Requiem of the Echoing Depths, the last time that we saw Dainsleif. As she bids us farewell before heading to the Chasm, she recites the Adventurer’s Guild slogan before pausing at “abyssosque,” remarking that “this time, you truly are bound for the abyss.”

So, let’s pause. The Chasm was Liyue’s frontline against the abyssal monsters’ invasion from the Cataclysm. According to the legends, the monsters came “from the depths,” and the deepest part is outright referred to as the abyss in several instances in the Solar Relic of the Vermillion Hereafter set. So, why is there any need to make a distinction between the space and the abyss, or to be skeptical of equating them?

First, the space doesn’t really behave similarly to Dark Enkanomiya in the Three Realms Gateway Offering event, which was being polluted with void energy from the Void Realm (the Abyss in a fancier font). It certainly does try to take advantage of your fears, a tactic we saw an Abyss Herald try to use in Andrius’ corruption ceremony (though Abyss Heralds are of the Abyss Order, distinct from the Abyss, corruption affects anyone who comes into contact with the abyss).

Abyss Herald: You claim to be a guardian, yet your once-sharp claws have clearly dulled since your days of godly glory.

Abyss Herald: If you serve us, we can restore your divine powers you once held in the past.

Boreas: Lies... lies…

Paimon: Oh no... Is this the same thing they did to corrupt Dvalin's mind?

Time also functions differently in the chaotic space compared to on the surface, something we can also trace to the Abyss from Childe’s lore - he spent three months in the Abyss with Skirk, but only three days had passed on the surface. But, if the chaotic space was the Abyss, I am not sure why Yelan wouldn’t have commented on the space’s similarities to it sooner. The only time she mentions the abyss is in the deepest parts of the chaotic space, when the Fantastic Compass’s needles are pointed forward the farthest they can go and the Traveler sees an illusion of their twin that turns into a smaller Fantastic Compass. Yelan knows the Abyss well from her own past, so it’s weird that she didn’t mention anything until close to the very end in a specific place.

So, what about a middle ground? The space shares characteristics with the Abyss because it is a boundary, a liminal space, between the Human Realm and the Void Realm. A place where the two realms “interrupt” each other, much like the way dreams are a liminal space between the conscious and the unconscious, much like an “error” produced when two different tendencies collide.

Theory #3: The spaces below the earth, including the Abyss, are this world’s “realm of the repressed.”

The Thing Calling Itself “Enjou”: You mean, why wouldn’t I, right? I’m a creature writhing in the Abyss, and you’re a mortal walking in the sun.

This mini-theory definitely has its issues from the get-go, but let’s take a look at where this does ring true and then decide for ourselves how much weight this claim really holds. We’re also going to stretch the meaning of “repressed” here to deal with more than just unconscious feelings, but also beings and structures. Ultimately, we’ll see there’s not as big of a difference as imagined between these things and repressed feelings.

“Yet buried in the depths of this world lies smoldering remains…”

Eboshi: However, the heavenly order seemed to not wish for those who remembered all this to remain on earth. We searched and searched for a road of return, but there was none to be found.

In the beginning, the Primordial One vanquished the Seven Sovereigns and banished the Vishap race to the depths so that it could create a world suitable for its creation, humans.

Later, a second divine throne would descend to Teyvat and war with the Primordial One, who dropped the celestial nails to stabilize the “delusions and breakthroughs” arising in the mortal realm due to the “illusions” brought forth by the invaders.

In laying waste to the mortal realm, the ancestors of Byakuyakoku fell into a space below the earth and were banished from returning. There they met hostile creatures, the “Dragonheirs of the Depths,” who had lived in darkness since their defeat during the mortal realm’s creation. The two struggled against each other until the construction of the Dainichi Mikoshi and its artificial sun.

Eboshi: Due to the phenomenon known as Sinshades, the “past,” “history,” and “truth” of Enkanomiya would endure even if left to their own devices. As such, great effort was expended, not that we might remember, but that we might “forget.” Lady Sangonomiya was of this view.

Another such civilization’s ruins can be found deep within the Chasm, the nameless upside down city, but still more vanquished civilizations can be found in these spaces below the earth: the mural civilization of Tsurumi Island, the Ruins of Dahri (a Khaneri’ahn ruin), and the list goes on. Of those listed here, all were privy to truths of the skies that the Heavenly Throne sought to conceal and suppress. All of them had something to do with forbidden knowledge contamination events.

To return to the topic of Vishaps, the “return of the repressed” is also illustrated by a particular progression in 1.x patches with the Geovishaps and the Primo Geovishap. Prior to version 1.3, the Geovishap overworld enemy did not exist. There were only Geovishap hatchlings, which also had a slightly different appearance before 1.3.

Pre-1.3 (left) and current (right). Notice the major change that occurred was in the eyes. The one on the left may be a newly resurfaced vishap hatchling with eyes still designed for below surface light levels, while the right one has adjusted to the change in light.

From the Geovishap archive:

It is said that after many years have passed, Geovishap Hatchlings will shed the armor that originally protected them and become Geovishaps. However these two and the older, greater Primo Geovishaps have spent many years hibernating under the mountains and have only emerged and become active in recent times. As such, none can personally attest to have witnessed or recorded such a thing in person.

And the Primo Geovishap archive entry:

Folktales hold that after the great "draconic calamity" that led to the ruination of Tianqiu Valley, the overlord of the Geovishaps and Primo Geovishaps was imprisoned deep beneath the earth, and so too did they burrow into deep and unseen places, awaiting their chance to rise once more…

This description is referring to Azhdaha’s imprisonment beneath the Dragon-Queller tree. Azhdaha debuted as a weekly boss in version 1.5, two patches after these Geovishap enemies were released and changes were made to the hatchlings’ appearance. Azhdaha’s own circumstances are no exception to this theme of recursion either - Morax found him beneath the mountains, befriending him for some time before having to seal him away underground once more. In version 1.5, he returns once more to break the seal on his tree and rise to the surface again. Azhdaha is at once two things: he is his own suppressed rage at the ley lines’ exploitation, and he is symbolically the repressed pain Morax endured in sealing his own friend. This will hardly be the last time they will suffer this pain, Zhongli knows. The repressed will return again. Hoyoverse demonstrated this phenomenon through their patch release schedule in a way I would wager was quite intentional, to gesture towards the “feelings” that were slowly bubbling back to the surface.

This is just a smattering of examples in a long list of cyclical recurrences, but I’ve gone on long enough. The point is that, with the notable exception of Sal Vindagnyr, the things this world suppresses are often found beneath its surface. They are things that this world would prefer to forget, something unpleasant that it would rather avoid.

Theory #4: Dreams, as liminal spaces between the conscious and unconscious, are a frontline for delusion and corruption.

Here I want to further explore the implications of a chaotic space like that beneath the Chasm behaving like a dream space, and that space’s behavior sharing characteristics with the abyss. To do this, we need to take another look at wish-fulfillment in dreams, delusions, and corruption. Here we have to fully embrace the analogy of the surface as the conscious mind and the Abyss as the unconscious mind to make necessary progress.

Seeds of Delusion

"We share the same goal, you, your Tsaritsa, and I."

"Cleanse the sources of distortion in this world: short-sighted, ignorant gods and the darkness and corruption of the Abyss." –Stainless Bloom, Pale Flame

Nahida’s first story quest is crucial to understanding the significance of dreams as sites for repressed wishes to be expressed.

Take the humorous first dream question Paimon is asked at the dream event. Ata finds his daily life difficult, so he wants his dreams to be a space of leisure where he can reliably “become” a Slime as relief. Paimon details every time she has dreamed of the same thing, but every dream ends the same way: tragically. This lays the groundwork for the rest of the quest quite nicely.

Each dreamer has an unfulfilled wish that causes them great sorrow, and that can never be fulfilled in real life again. Their dreams are the only place these wishes can be fulfilled, so they retreat into the dream world where the illusions of the manifest dream content can comfort them through pain. This is a prime example of how wishes can become obsessions, and how obsessions feed delusions. This is what it means to “become” a monster.

Nahida: When forced to confront such “brutal” truths, people may break down into tears, talk nonsense, or lose their tempers…

But this can only end in tragedy. Because dreams, ultimately, are illusions, and fulfilling a wish in a dream is not the same as fulfilling it in real life. Underneath the manifest dream content of all those who wish to escape reality is a latent dream thought that causes the dreamer terror. For Ilman, it is his wish to be with his wife and the repressed terror of never being able to do so again. Once the mantle of the dream-work from Beynuni (who functions as the dream-censor here) was pulled back and the dream collapsed, these anxious wishes all took the form of monsters - riftwolves, lawachurls, geovishaps.

Ata: I guess I just want to experience something different. My everyday life is nothing but the same…The sky is right above me, and the ocean just over the horizon, yet I remain caged in a life of monotony.

More than this, the underlying wish reveals something far more sinister in these dreamers, and that is a dissatisfaction with reality. It is this dissatisfaction, the horror of reality that welcomes delusion and Abyssal influence in the mind. Once it has taken root, “forgetting” becomes much more difficult. By blurring the lines between dreams and reality, the dreamers also introduced monsters near the site of their delusion in the real world. Maybe this is one of the consequences of trying to reject the truth?

The Forest Will Remember

Traveler: Do we need to enter the dream of the Vasara Tree this time too?

Arama: Yes. We must erase all traces of Marana's influence.

While dreams are not the only place where anxious thoughts can bloom into delusions and obsessions, they remain a key site for the beginnings of delusion and also for the forgetting of delusion. This is crucial to Aranyaka, which deals in memories, dreams, and the repressed trauma of lost innocence.

In order to save Rana from the influence of Marana’s Avatar, we have to help the Aranara save the forest from its influence as well. Marana is the memory of death in all things, reborn each time it resurfaces in the conscious mind.

Araja: The forest didn’t know death, until a day came when the trees realized that withered flowers and dead animals covered the earth.

Araja: On the same day, the earth remembered the dark, poisonous blood it had once devoured, or was about to devour. The rivers thought of the descent of the sun, evaporating all water and leaving a red world behind.

Araja: They realized that all things would meet their end, and so, Marana was born. It is the name of death, and those who know it shall die.

Araja: Marana urges everything towards death. As for the tall, dark, and warped beings, they are the avatars chosen by Marana, the heralds of death.

Marana’s influence spreads in Sumeru through Withering Zones as a consequence of forbidden knowledge polluting Irminsul. Tighnari notes early on in the Archon Quest that each eradication has a shorter latent period between resurgences. This is further reflected in Aranyaka by the many dreams we enter to “erase all traces” of Marana’s influence, because taking care of the Withering Zones outside of these affected plants is not enough to get rid of it.

Arama: Alright, Marana's influence should be right inside. If left unattended, it will soon turn the dream into a horrifying nightmare.

Arama: If we take care of the baddies inside, the Vasara Tree will become healthy again and thank us with a Vasoma Fruit.

Marana’s influence in the Vasara Tree takes the shape of fungi, perhaps in the Traveler’s dreams it takes the shape of an Abyss Herald. By eradicating its shadow in the Vasara Trees’ dreams, we help the Vasara Tree “forget” Marana so that it can produce a Vasoma Fruit with memories and dreams that are free of it.

Inherent to Araja’s definition of Marana is the return of the repressed. When the forest learns of death, it remembers “the dark, poisonous blood it had once devoured, or was about to devour.” The memory of Marana resurfaces, thus Marana is born again. Once it is repressed through the process of “forgetting,” the cycle starts over. This is not the first time that the forest learned of death, and it may not even be the second time. The source of the forbidden knowledge pollution event was King Deshret, after all. Didn’t that disaster occur before the Cataclysm? Oops, I forgot the initial pollution seemed to only affect the desert. Ignore this point.

But wait, Tillandsia! If you complete Aranyaka after completing the Archon Quest, the dialogue suggests even repressed memories can’t return anymore once they’re removed from Irminsul!

Arama: Yes. May we never meet again, Marana. Many tiny Marana remain in the forest, but we've defeated the greatest one.

Arama: I can sense that all memories about Marana in Sarva have been completely erased. In this case, even the memory and fear of "death" that dwells in all things cannot bring it back ever again.

Despite the temptation to bow to Arama’s words, we know this isn’t completely true. We’ll explore those loopholes briefly in the next theory…

Theory #5: Irminsul Edits as Dream Censorship.

“The tale of the moon goes like this: this story came from a very ancient dream, one that was hidden in a Nilotpala Lotus.” –Moonpiercer

Now, this post doesn’t cover even one tenth of the material in this game that deals with the concept of dreams. If I tried to address every single thing, we’d be here until sunrise and still going on tangents. However, I want to go down one more rabbit hole before calling it a day and moving on to the follow-up of this post.

You’ve probably noticed that many of the early dreams we considered did not suffer from heavy amounts of censorship from the dream-censor. The distortion between the latent dream thought and manifest dream content was minimal, allowing the meaning of the dream to be interpreted rather easily by myself, and in some cases by the dreamers themselves.

But we’re not free of the idea of the dream-censor yet. Its job is to mitigate the expression of the repressed thought in the dream, distorting it to the point that its original meaning is incomprehensible without dream interpretation techniques.

Well, the two don’t work quite the same way, but I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between what editing Irminsul does to reality and how the dream-censor distorts unconscious meaning. Irminsul contains a record of everything that has ever happened in Teyvat, with the exception of anything that originated outside of Teyvat such as a Descender. Nahida is an “avatar of Irminsul'' and has a deeper connection to it, having originated from its unsullied branches. What’s more, we know that Nahida has the power of dreams, a formidable ability in Teyvat that even the Fatui have their eyes on. Given her origins, could this ability also be an extension of Irminsul’s power?

At the end of the Sumeru Archon Quest and in the Interlude Quest, two major edits are made to Irminsul’s records: Greater Lord Rukkhadevata’s name is erased, and Wanderer’s identities “Kabukimono” and “Balladeer” are erased. While these edits had severe consequences for the written and recalled records of the world, spanning from books to quest dialogue to artifact sets to domain descriptions to even character voice lines, we know from Inversion of Genesis that Irminsul deletions do not split any timelines or actually change the events of the past, but merely how they are remembered. Those who died in the past before the deletion still died untimely deaths, those whose lives depend on the consequences of edited events are still alive. Rather than removing information completely, I wonder if a better analogy is that Irminsul introduces distortion into everyone’s unconscious.

No, seriously. Seriously think about what Nahida did to save Wanderer’s past from the deletion. She hid his past in an allegory, and by interpreting that allegory she was able to remember his past, including all of the gaps left in between. It wasn’t a matter of reteaching Nahida and Paimon what the Traveler already knew, they couldn’t comprehend it that way. It was about properly recalling the information by associating each element of the story with something else. Just like a dream. She created her own form of distortion, one that could be more readily understood. Perhaps nonsensical on the surface, there is a hidden truth beneath it. If the analogy holds true, we can locate Irminsul and the Ley Lines in the boundary between the conscious and the unconscious.

The truth is not deleted, and the past is not changed. It is just being repressed.

Conclusion: Nothing Under the Sun is Truly New

Nahida: But in this dream, you showed them only the most comfortable and soothing things. This entire world has been built on a foundation of buried and unseen pain.

We’ve explored this idea of how unconscious, repressed thoughts recur through dreams by using Freud’s theory of dream interpretation as a framework, and we examined how this framework shows up in Genshin’s worldbuilding (and where it diverges). We’ve shown how becoming obsessed with these repressed thoughts can occur through delusion, and that delusion can take root in dream spaces. We’ve also revisited the ideas presented in Aranyaka about Marana, also known as The Withering, which exists and recurs because of forbidden knowledge from the Abyss that contaminated Irminsul.

With this, I’ll propose an imperfect analogy: the Abyss, symbolic of the unconscious and realm of the repressed, contains forbidden knowledge about the world at its deepest point. Though Greater Lord Rukkhadevata tells us that forbidden knowledge “doesn’t belong to this world,” that it comes from the very bottom of the Abyss, I am skeptical that this is really the full story:

Nahida: So what exactly is... forbidden knowledge?

Greater Lord Rukkhadevata: It's a kind of knowledge that doesn't belong to this world, and a form of "truth" that can't be understood.

Greater Lord Rukkhadevata: The world is constantly rejecting it, leading to all kinds of bad phenomena.

Greater Lord Rukkhadevata: If we allow forbidden knowledge to pollute Irminsul, I'm afraid the entirety of Teyvat could fall apart.

I cannot deny the way Greater Lord Rukkhadevata’s description of forbidden knowledge resembles the psychoanalytic concept of a repressed thought. Note that from Rukkhadevata’s dialogue, the problems that arise from forbidden knowledge seem to be a result of the rejection rather than the knowledge itself. Why is this “truth” being rejected? What makes it unable to be understood? Is this imagined destruction of Teyvat comparable to something like ego death, the destruction of self-identity?

Rather than coming from beyond this world, forbidden knowledge is, I think, more likely to be something that the world has forgotten belongs to it, “something long known and at once familiar,” that has become strange and incomprehensible through repression and distortion. It is something the world is in a cycle of remembering and forgetting in disaster after major disaster as the repressed returns once more. Dreams are crucial sites for its return.

What may be interesting to consider with this analogy is that if forbidden knowledge is indeed a kind of repressed thought that the world has “forgotten,” its recursion should tell us that it wishes to be expressed, and that it is seeking fulfillment in the world’s “conscious” mind. If forbidden knowledge was the world’s repressed wish, what would that mean? Hell, what would the wish even be?

Writing this kinda made me feel like how I felt while reading Freud, so if not everything makes sense or agrees with each other I sincerely apologize and hope there are at least a few ideas here that feel useful, even if just for this moment. Thank you for reading <3.

Sources: All information regarding Freud’s theory of dream interpretation comes from A General Introduction to Psychoanalysis, primarily lectures 6-8 and 13-14. You may read it online for free at Project Gutenberg.

#genshin impact #genshin impact lore #genshin lore #nahida #genshin theory #sumeru lore #sumeru archon quest #aranyaka #perilous trail #theory #enkanomiya #azhdaha #irminsul #ley lines #don't worry I don't use any weird freudian stuff #he can keep all of that

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blinkpen · 9 months

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mental heath stuff (not bad just candid)

dunno if i'll regret sharing this just yet, maybe i should have sat on it a little more until i knew exactly if i should share and how much, but parts of me really insist, and so i guess we're going for it

and i word that way because

months of exhausting processing has led me to conclude that I’m a system, so I’m still in the undertaking of cataloging an awful lot of shit into one rolodex. the kicker is i probably have been one for at least 20 years, but everyone got along so well and so cooperatively, like the most well harmonized combining mecha, that is oblivious to the fact it even is one. nobody even needed nametags in here.

…mostly. warning signs were there, it's just some of the issues that come from this sort of thing that did leak through, were hiding under other conditions that already cause similar complications. if you're familiar with the messier mental illnesses and all the ways they start to functionally melt at the edges and trade symptoms in odd places and our understanding of it all is still so half-formed, you'll probably get what i mean. hopefully people following me understand none of this crap works like it tends to get depicted in media

i'm schizophrenic and my mind is a fucking enigma anyway

anyway

then one "new" alter woke up last november in response to an acute straw breaking camel's back moment of abuse at home after enduring way too much for way too long, but the alter is not actually new, is technically one of the oldest, but she's been 'asleep' for like a decade and her point of origin is even older than that obviously this one was SO different and possessed SUCH a different headspace and set of tastes and desired behaviors, and subsequently threw equilibrium off so badly, all the components of the mecha suddenly realized they were components bc now the situation kind of required acknowledging that fact to proceed to even get starting fixing shit.

its like

"who is this weird one who broke everything" "no clue, you guys got any ideas?" "why would we have any ideas you don't, we're all us" "yeah like what do you even mean by You Guys?" "i think they're joking, like, because we're all copies of the same person, like the spongebob bit with the fine dining, they're asking themself rhetorically because it's funny…….. …….we are all the same person right. this is a metaphor. like the spongebob bit…… right….." "why are we not all immediately agreeing" "because before we could all reflexively say yes we realized we all had different definitions of The Same Person we are"

this is a gross oversimplification of course

this was a lot to process for pretty much all parts of me save one (incidentally, not the new one, the new one isn't shocked, but is a crybaby, so they didn't take Existing (Again) (2. Electric Boogaloo) very well. they do not take the prospect of 'going back to sleep' veryy either, though. so we're having to slightly redesign the mecha)

mostly through the worst of it, but among other problems we're still working to repair, this sleeper code alter caused a catastrophic system failure in the ventilation and even though everyone is mostly calmed down now, they can still smell everyone else's scented candles in their personal quarters, which is annoying when some of them have VERY different tastes in scents)

annoying, but not ruinous. fixing the AC is low priority compared to other things

like the pneumonic tube that used to let everyone hot potato information and memories from any time they were the one obliviously in the cockpit, we had a pretty damn good one, it was working so well we didn't know why we were even using it, and assumed its regular but manageable failings were just, natural, or because of some other factor affecting the tubes themselves or potato availability, and not considering most people do not have these potato tubes at all

yes i will probably make some kind of comic to conceptualize and visually externalize this i struggle to feel understood without doodles

also, while typing this post, specifically, tumblr did a fucky wucky, and when i realized i'd made an entire other post in the tags, i went to try to copy/paste them into the post but the nature of the fucky wucky prevented this. i'm really not in the mood to retype all that so it's just a screenshot now

#sporadic warbling #the good news the venn diagram between us all in terms of what we believe in and whats okay to do or not n shit mostly lines up #tho the scented candles thing is actually less trivial than it sounds / impacts QoL more than i'm willing to get into rn but we live #also the memory thing but my memory was bad before and after the fact #its taking so long to fix the potato pipes and i'm tired of manual potato delivery so i'm entering my Fuck the Potatoes era #like well kids i had a presentation prepared but the overhead's broken and i could make you do a worksheet instead #but why not let you just go play outside while the janitor and i fix the overhead. it's not fair the principle took away recess anyway.

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nayatarot777 · 10 months

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divine masculine check in • pac • week one {patreon exclusive}

these check-ins will be posted on my patreon (check out my patreon schedule if you’d like to). if these messages resonate with you, then patreon is where you can find them every week :)

these divine energy check-ins can be used to gain clarity on the divine energy within yourself or they can be used for gaining clarity on the energy of a divine partner/counterpart. a lot of people use divine feminine + divine masculine readings to check in on those who they’re not in contact with, for example. others use them to understand themselves a bit better. it’s up to you.

check out the divine feminine’s energy for this week here

find information about personal readings here

choose your pile from either the photos above or the emojis below:

pile one • 🥤

pile two • 🐀

• pile one • 🥤

the divine masculine is working on forgiving family or those closest to him who he could be very defensive to. and if not them, then he’s working on forgiving himself for feeling like he wasted abundance and energy on these people. he could feel like he was giving way too much for nothing in return and he’s learning how to sit in his own energy and use that abundance on himself instead of others. he’s definitely keeping himself away from his family or his soul tribe. he’s defensive towards someone here. very angry - but this anger is repressed. he may not know how to express or even acknowledge his anger until it comes out uncontrollably, over-flowing and perhaps causing destruction. i’m hearing that his anger is heavily linked to his ego. the suppression of one causes the suppression of another. and i’m seeing that this anger is actually just a secondary emotion to some deep emotional sadness that he acknowledges is caused by his family or the people who were supposed to care for him. he may subconsciously wish to release all of this and just cause chaos (he might be causing chaos in his life in some way without realising because of this suppression - it has to release in some way) but he covers this up by directing his energy towards some type of work. he’s working entirely too hard because his motivation for working isn’t coming from a healthy and balanced place. he’s tasked with wanting to forgive his family to a certain extent (or with forgiving a situation at least) because he feels like this is one way that he can free himself from this emotional prison, but he first has to allow himself to feel his anger to begin with. i don’t think that he’s quite yet realising that he can’t just skip the processing of his emotions and jump straight to forgiveness or just “getting over it”. he’s trying too hard to forgive. forgiveness isn’t possible right now because there’s some emotional work to be done first. there needs to be a way that he validates his anger and his deep sadness. he holds this sadness (in relation to his family) to himself extremely closely, but it’s stagnant within him. that’s probably why he has been feeling so heavy recently. i’m hearing The Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings. “the world is a vampire, sent to drain” - he’s weighed down by a lot of angst. he’s drained af and he feels as though people are just energetically vampiric and wanting to feed off of his rage, his sadness, and his triggers. once he processes these feelings and faces them bit-by-bit, he’s going to realise that he’s becoming more and more emotionally fulfilled. he could be emotionally quite numb right now.

• pile two • 🐀

for pile two, the divine masculine has an extremely closed heart chakra. he still has emotions and a heart of course, but it’s like he’s encased it in artificial shit and superficialities. and of course, this is a defence mechanism. this is because he has lost a lot of faith and hope in genuine love even existing in the world - romantic and platonic. and i feel like he barely feels anything anymore. he hasn’t just blocked the external world from his heart, he has also blocked himself out from it too. he may have replaced the usage of his heart chakra with his third-eye chakra - meaning that he relies heavily on mental energy instead of emotional energy. as a result of this, i feel like he doesn’t even know what his morals and values are anymore. because those things usually come down to having empathy and sympathy for others and for living beings, of course. but when you can’t even bring yourself to feel those things for others anymore, how can a desire to follow good ethics even develop? the love that he feels like the world lacks is also the love that he lacks for himself. he’s not secure within himself. his self esteem and self worth has been damaged and maybe even destroyed by others. and i feel like this stems back from childhood. i’m surprised that i’m even able to see even a tiny bit of his heart chakra at this point, because the pain endured by him is heavy af. he knows that this cold, stoic, and unsympathetic nature isn’t truly him, but it’s pretty much how his ego has developed to protect himself. he’s realising some things about his worth currently though, and i feel like that’s igniting his faith in something again. the more that he develops love for himself, the more he’ll see love towards him reflected from his external reality. i feel like there are memories that he really holds onto that has kept the last little bit of hope that he has in love and kindness - probably from childhood too since i’m seeing the 6 of cups in my mind. his faith or belief in himself is solidifying at least. but i feel like this is quite a slow process. he’s in the process of shedding certain artificialities that are attached to his ego. but he is working on this. i’m also seeing that his sexuality could be a gateway to his heart space in some way.

#pick a card #psychic readings #pac #tarot reading #pick a photo #tarot #pac reading #pick a picture #divination #spirituality

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vylithscat · 2 years

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technically my third post of the week,, as much as i'd like to wait till next week or monday, i really like the hc i did for this week! so consider this a bonus lol

prompt: gifts mc recieves from the bros/dateables that mean a lot between the two that not everyone can understand genre: fluffy, very fluff (asmo's is slightly suggestive), gn!mc pairings: bros, dateables + luke (per usual, pet names from here)

After growing close to demons and angels alike, even a human sorcerer, you were bound to receive a gift or two as thanks for being a friend, but when Solomon was the first to give you a gift, that being a vial of his blood, you reciprocated with your own vial.

You’ve gotten stares, questions and even attempts of theft of your vial, but you hold it close and smack away a hand when it comes close, unless it was the donor himself. However, some of the others around you have been handing you a few too many items too, like..

LUCIFER

The pen he officiated you being the exchange student

He wasn’t connect to it at all but after a late night of work, he noticed it’s ink running low and you appeared with a new vial

With a smile and a quick peck on your cheek, he mumbles, “Thank you, my dear.”

You reciprocate with a peck on his lips

Before you walk away, he intertwined his fingers with yours and brings you close, his face brushing against your abdomen

“I want you to have this pen.”

“Why? You need it right now.”

“I have many others, my dear.”

He let go of your hand and when you felt something in it, you looked down at his pen that was decorated with gold details

It took.. A lot out of you to even give you a hint about why he wanted to give you it

“Do you remember how I chose you, my dear? I still had to officiate it after the picking, perhaps I feel that’s the pen I did it in.”

MAMMON

His sunglasses, at least for a while, but he can always buy a new pair! (You’ll match..)

He HATES looking at that vial, and to block your vision a little, he popped his sunglasses on your face

They were sliding down your face a lot so you had to push it up a lot

“Mammonie?” His head popped up from the crook of your neck, “Do you want your glasses back?”

“Do ya not like them? I have others I can give ya.”

Pause to allow Mammon process

He has reburied his face to hide the blush that’s creeping to his ears

Give him 3-5 business days to get back to you (he won’t last more than an hour)

Whenever you’re around him, expect him to slowly slip his sunglasses on your face

Is VERY CAREFUL to not poke your eye

Already has another pair in case you take his originals

Physically cannot look at you either or he will blush like a maniac

LEVIATHAN

An author and artist signed manga

Not just any manga, it’s ‘I refuse to admit I’m jealous that my significant other got a gift from someone else and HAVE to get them something without them knowing, but I’m not jealous, I swear!’

It’s a manga he read recently and was absorbed in

Course, poking his cheek or any physical contact snapped him out of it, like tonight

“W-When did you get here, and why d-did you poke my cheek!?”

“I wanted to come visit you, Levichan.”

His heart might’ve stopped for a second, let Leviathan.exe reboot

“Are you reading a new manga?”

“Y-Yeah.. I was gonna give it to you when I was d-done..”

And by give it to you, he meant it

Finishes it in a couple of hours then stops by your room with an equally red face than before

Doesn’t say a word, just hands you the manga and runs once it’s in your hands

Until he’s far away, to which you hear, “I-I hope you like it, player 2!!”

SATAN

Something with cats, books or that can cause mischief

So, why not combine it all?

He gave you a gift box with books you’d been looking for and a set of pens you kept missing the sale of

Those pens though, we’re disappearing ink, and only worked under a black light, the ink existed for about 5 minutes then disappeared

You figured that out pretty quickly when making notes on the book on a few sticky notes

“Satan?” He hummed in acknowledgment, “I think you got the disappearing ink by accident.”

“It wasn’t by accident.”

You use this chance to write him notes that he’d have to wait ages to decipher, as slight revenge

Just write simple messages like ‘I love you’ or a heart to fuck with him

Though expect a few back with a smug smile

Also borrows those pens to cause (subtle, shockingly) problems to Lucifer’s work

And will let you join him if you want to, but don’t expect to get away with it when you’re both giggling away in Lucifer’s office

ASMODEUS

Can and will get you lingerie or toys for your own pleasure

But a more tame thing is love letters or doing as he did before; spa days

The love letters are all about him gushing over you

He doesn’t give them daily since he wants you to savor the fact he wrote that letter, but he really really wants to

He loves your face when he hands them to you, when you open it and how your eyes soften as you read what he wrote

You REALLY know how to make him fall for you all over again, do you?

His spa days with you become much more thorough

You want a head massage today? Legs? Arms? Whatever you want, he’ll take care of while grazing your skin with his lips (or teeth, if you’re both in that mood)

His goal is to see you flushed or blissed out, or both, that’s his ultimate goal!

The lingerie and toys are much more specific and may take some testing or special measurements, just a small warning

BEELZEBUB

His jacket, and would fully give it to you for a day if you ask

The thing’s huge on you and you have to scrunch up the sleeves a lot to use your hands

But it’s so soft inside and the fact it’s big makes it easy to get all comfy, the fur around the collar is a big bonus

The first time he gave it to you was cause it became cold out and you were shivering

Reassured you he wasn’t cold while rubbing your arms to warm you up faster

Most likely carried you home that night too

Now he’ll give you his jacket if you tug on it a certain way or if he has a match of Fangol and wants his good luck charm comfy

It helps him spot you a lot easier when he needs a confidence boost

Wave back at him with your hand still in the sleeve and he might lose a bit of focus though

BELPHEGOR

One of his favorite pillows but don’t expect it to stay forever

He doesn’t take it back completely, just takes it back when it smells a lot like you

Cuddles it, re-scents it, drops it back in your room and leaves

Unless you’re there, then you’re gonna have him flopping next to you and nuzzling your side for attention

At night he’ll come in for cuddles and smile like an idiot when you’re resting on his pillow

You have so many others, but the one you got from him was picked

It’s really nice for him to see

Snuggles into your bed with a small hum while you unconsciously intertwine your fingers into his hair

“Hi cuddle bug..”

“Hi sleep prince..”

DIAVOLO

He wanted to give you two things, but since he had to choose, he ‘combined them’

After some communication, he was able to get you a chamber to stay in while you’re at the castle

Thought he still prefers you in his room

The second thing was waiting on your bed

It was a necklace with a jewel that changes color depending on how it’s tilted

It was a jewel from the castle and Diavolo showed you where it came from

“You didn’t have to take that from your castle, Dia..”

Diavolo pouted before turning to you and taking your hands in his

“But I wanted to! That way, a part of Devildom is always with you, no matter where you may go.”

BARBATOS

Honestly, he must have a dozen tea sets for Diavolo to pick from

And he does the same for you when you come visit

Whatever set you want, he’ll bring for you

Today he offers it to you as he’s bringing you to your room

“I can’t take one of your tea sets, Barbie..”

His face softened slightly as he gently guided his hand along your cheek

“You’re not taking one, I’m giving you one, by choice. Please, pick your favorite. I have enough.”

Let’s you look over each set he has and carefully packages your choice while cooing over you

He is covering up his coos with compliments though, he just wants to make you flustered

Promises to bring you tea from time to time so you can get good use of the set

SIMEON

A quill and ink set, a very fancy one

He’s never said where he gets it and buys you new ink when you’re running out (to your dismay)

The quill feather is extremely soft and delicate

It’s ink glides across any paper with ease and is very subtle with how it sparkles

It’s a beautiful set, one Simeon droned on about in the past and you thought he got this for himself

“I thought about it, but I already have my own set for when I want to write. So, I thought I’d get you one.”

Does not elaborate further but happily shows you the perfect way to write calligraphy with the quill

Trying to convince him to let you buy the ink will cause him to shake his head while smiling before cupping your face with a, “No.”

LUKE

A decorated picture frame with a photo of you and him together

Simeon was with you when the picture was taken but Luke saw something cool and scurried off

Chasing after him, he begged you for a photo and you obliged before finding Simeon again

You don’t know when he printed it or when he began his little arts and crafts project, but it’s adorable

The frame has stars and little yellow dots on it

At the top, it says ‘best friend’ in little yellow letters with extra stars around it

He was very red handing it to you and extra nervous when you were looking at it

Give him a hug and thank the lil guy

Ease his poor little nerves and then set up his present so he can see it when he visits

SOLOMON

Listen.. Hear me out here..

Is it a little weird he has your blood and you have his? Maybe, but the blood pact hc rots my brain, I’m sorry

Aside from that, he does like toying around with yours while it hangs from his neck

He’s also just,, so fucking smug about it around others

Like the blood pact scar, he will rub the vial between his pointer finger and thumb

He finds it soothing, especially when you’re not around

And you, you can do whatever you want with his vial and he finds it interesting

DIGS into you when you come see him the day after getting it

“Enjoying your vial? I’m enjoying mine!”

Biggest grin he’s had in awhile, even bigger if you’re around the bros/angels

Toy with his vial around him, he’ll love it and do the same

Psst.. Trace the scar too.. Watch him melt instead of being smug

#fun fact this started from the sol idea so his may have a lot more #he rots my brain a lot no joke #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon #obey me headcanons

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