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still-a-morosexual-help · 3 years

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OBEY ME! LESSON 60 DETAILED SUMMARY + DISCUSSION/THEORIES

*I wrote this days after the lesson was first posted and never bothered to go back and edit it so meaning there will be me theorizing about the next lesson as well

*I write a small para for each chapter and I write it immediately after finishing that chapter so there’ll be theorizing about the next chapter too

*I swear more than usual here

*Some of the dialogue is heavily plagiarized and a few is lifted directly from the story, the game is to figure which is which.

*Summaries and Discussions/theories for all the other lessons can be found on this blog under #obey me spoilers or #my theories or #my headcanons

Welp this is it… DAMNNNNNN the last two seasons each had a lesson near the beginning of the season dedicated just to a date with Mammon and I’m praying S4 has one as well and though it sucks Mammon & MC’s hellos and goodbyes are always really sweet and ahhh how am I already missing them. I’m desperate for S4 and I haven’t even finished S3 yet… fuck okay.

Post Lesson 60 edit: The last chapter goodbyes are gonna be direct quotes cause I’m an emotional mess.

As MC is about to head outside Mammon calls out to them and tells them to bring him a cake on the way home, they ask him why he’s been so cold and distant with them lately and he frowns at them and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about and tells them not to forget the cake and then he leaves. Asmo who had being eavesdropping laughs and says that even for Mammon that was oddly bossy and arrogant. He then asks if he can tag along with them partway cause he’s heading to the spa. As they walk past the lake Asmo tells MC not to hold Mammon’s recent attitude against him and that he’s so upset about having to leave MC again that he doesn’t know what to do with himself and since rn all he can think about is MC he’s not sure how to act around them. Asmo says Mammon’s spending too much time dwelling on this. He looks disappointed and shakes his head when he asks himself what he’s gonna do about Mammon and that he’s being a child. (IS2G Asmo is the number #1 Mammon x MC shipper???????? Relatable) MC asks him if he hasn’t been dwelling on leaving. He asks if they wish he was and says they’re always on his mind and that’s why he doesn’t seem any different now. He says the actual reason he’s still so himself and not outwardly upset is cause he has faith (HA!) that they’ll end back together again like all the previous times they had to separate. He says he’s still sad about having to say goodbye but all that makes him want to do is treasure the moments they have rn. They can hold his hand, kiss him or say that’s a really Asmo thing if him to say. He smiles and says positivity is one of his charms (Asmo ily but weren’t you the one who got drunk and cried and needed to have Satan carry you back home the first time MC left…) They eventually part ways. I’m guessing the order of the rest of the ‘goodbyes’ is gonna be Satan, Mammon and then Lucifer cause those two always end up last in that order…

EYYYYY! They run into satan and ask where he’s off to. He says he’s off to the bookstore to stock on some human books before they head home and asks MC if they want to tag along. He hands them a list and tells them to start looking from the top and that he’ll start from the bottom. He says thwy can use magic as long as no human sees them (ME: thinking back to that one human MC, Belphie and Diavolo scared the shit out of…Hmmmm). They agree and he says that knowing they studied under Solomon makes him feel safe to trust that they know what they’re doing. He says he always knows he can count on them when he needs them and that being in the Devildom without them will be troublesome (I said in the fairy dust/angel lesson that Satan & MC are incredibly similar and that their friendship is highly underrated and I still stand by that.) MC uses magic to lift a book from a high shelf and Satan warns them that someone’s coming making them loose their concentration and the book to come falling down, Satan shields them though and gets hit with it instead. They each ask if the other is alright and he says they need to be more careful that no one sees them (ME: INTENSELY THINKING BACK TO THAT TIME WITH DIAVOLO AND BELPHIE WHEN MC WAS WILLING TO BARBEQUE A MAN FOR FIRING A GUN AT BELPHIE) He blushes and tells them he’ll show what he means and he takes them behind a bookshelf where no one can see and wraps his arms around them and pulls them close (Satan what kinda romance novel pickup line was that??? Also all I can imagine is that SNL bookstore skit with John Cena & Aidy Bryant). MC can kiss him, wrap their arms around him or just thank him for shielding them earlier. He says there’s no need to thank him and that he’s just happy they’re not hurt, He then laughs softly and asks if they’ll be okay once he’s gone. They ask him in turn if he’ll be okay. He blushes and says he won’t and that just thinking about life without them was enough to drive him mad.

At dinner levi asks if everyone is there and Beel looks sad and says Mammon isn’t, Belphie sighs and says he always has to make things difficult. Levi says it’s okay and he gets it and that Mammon obviously thinks dinner’s gonna suck since Levi made it and holy shit can we pls take Levi to a therapist pls? Belphie says Levi’s beating himself up for no reason and Levi goes on a rant about how he’s an ultra-negative, depressing otaku and how no one likes being around him ajndsvddjsnk LEVI pls!!? (unrelated but Levi’s actually my third favourite) Belphie asks MC to go get Mammon and Beel tells them to hurry. They knock and enter his room. They ask him what he’s doing and he says he was just watching a shark movie Satan gave him. He asks if they’re here to tell him about dinner and that they should head back and eat and not to worry about him. He looks upset and says he’s not in the mood to eat. They say they’re really gonna miss him and he’s eyes widen for a sec before he looks away and asks if they’re some sorta kid. He then laughs though and says they’re not the only one who feels that way. He blushes and says of course he’s gonna miss them too and that they already knew that. He asks if there isn’t some other way for them to stay together forever. He says that being a sorcerer they have to make something happen. They can say a.) that despite being a sorcerer they’re still pretty green and he laughs and says the one time he needs them they’re no use at all. He blushes and tells them to hurry up and ‘ripen’ and that a green sorcerer won’t cut it. B.) being a demon he should make something happen. He says if there was something he could do he woulda done it a long time ago. Looking aside again he says hanging out with them and talking about dumb stuff is something he takes for granted and he just realized he won’t be able to do it again anytime soon, he says that once he’s back in the devildom life would be dull and that once he used to be happy as long as he had money but after they met that was ruined. And now during his free time he thinks about them and feels all worried and unsettled. He blushes and asks them to stay with him and keep him company since all this is their fault. Belphie texts them asking where the fuck they are they say they’ll have dinner with Mammon later, he then wishes them luck with Mammon.

In the music room Levi’s bemoaning how he understands that any coffee he makes won’t be good enough while a wide eyed Asmo asks him what he’s talking about cause as you can see Asmo is drinking his coffee, Levi says he never admitted it was good though. Asmo smiles and reassures him that it’s actually good and asks Belphie to back him up. Belphie says he wants no part of any of this which immediately crumbles all of Asmo’s hard work and makes Levi depressed. Lucifer pops his head in and once he spots MC asks them to come to his room. They ask what he wants to talk about, he says he’ll tell them when he gets there. To the room as a whole he says that Diavolo wants them all at the hotel the next day. This surprises both Mammon & Beel, and Satan asks if there’s another problem at the hotel, making everyone turn and eye Levi who turns red and protests. In his room Lucifer asks if MC knows why he called them and they say nope. He asks if they really don’t know or if they’re just playing dumb. When they don’t answer he says it’s about why Diavolo called them to the hotel. He says Diavolo hasn’t told him the reason behind it and asks if MC knows, saying that for Diavolo not to tell him it has to be either something that’ll supremely piss off Lucifer or something that Diavolo finds fun and exciting that Lucifer won’t like but will have to endure. They say they don’t know anything about it. He says, “what do you think you can lie to me? Have you forgotten who the fuck I am exactly!?” When they still remain silent he drops the blank faced glare and laughs saying he can take a guess at what’s going on considering they’re not willing to share. He says considering this is them they’re probably gonna do something nice for them and he tells them they’re really sweet, they tell him not to stop and to keep stroking their ego (or they can ask for a reward). He says he may considering how things go tomorrow. He then pauses and says he’s actually in the mood to indulge them today so he’ll sing their praises just for today. (They can ask if he’s sad about saying goodbye, he says yes and then blushes and says obviously that means they’re spending the night in his room – I noped out at this point. Is it weird that Lucifer’s the only brother I can’t see MC platonically sharing a bed with?) They then tease him saying this is very unlike him. He blushes and agrees, saying that when he’s with them he doesn’t have to be the avatar of pride but that’s okay because they love all the different sides of him (I thought this was really sweet, Lucifer needs to know that there’s someone who loves him as a whole even the parts of him that are massive jerks and I love that this interaction can be read as either romantic or platonic. He smiles and says he’s looking forward for tomorrow.

The brothers are all surprised when from the hotel they are taken to the currently most popular club in the human world that has been reserved all for them, with Simeon making all the food and Luke making cakes. Luke tries his best to protect the food from Beel while Satan and Mammon say how surprise they were by Barbatos’s magic making them walk out into the club after walking into the hotel. MC asks if they like it and Lucifer says of course they do and thanks them for doing this. Solomon says he has a present for all of them too, Levi worries that he cooked for them (though he asks it with the sweetest smile cause all these demons are still hanging on to not letting Solomon know his food is toxic waste in case it hurts his feelings) and Lucifer whispers to MC that if so they might all die here. Solomon says he had offered to help cook but Simeon had insisted he had it all handled (he looks awfully disappointed when saying this). Mammon cheers on Simeon and Belphie says “…yeah I never thought I’d owe my life to Simeon but here we are” Their real present is Solomon lighting up the room with what, according to Belphie, looks like a fallen star. Asmo gushes about how beautiful it is. Beel asks if he can eat it. Levi laughs and tells him he better not. Diavolo says they should officially start the party and everyone cheers. In a side lounge area Simeon says seeing the brothers enjoying the party so much makes all the effort feel worth it, Barbatos says he’s just happy seeing Diavolo having so much fun and he thanks MC. They say they could never have done it without their help in the first place. Simeon says it was MC to got them all working together to make this happen in the first place. Levi then arrives to come drag MC towards the karaoke (which Diavolo insisted they have – poor man’s still trying to sing a duet with Lucifer I see)

Satan and Asmo complain about Levi hogging the mic and singing anime songs, he yells at them for not understanding the raw passion and energy of anime songs (which isn’t that true? Anime songs have a unique kinda passion that makes you hyped that I’ve never being able to find in other songs..). Levi tells MC to forget about them and MC asks to sing a duet. Levi says he’ll queue up a bunch of duets and Mammon yells at Levi for hogging the mic and using this as an opportunity to hit on MC. Levi laughs and says that he’s not swooping in and doing anything the way Mammon said and that MC wants to sing with him. Mammon then blushes and demands to sing the next duet with them from MC. Asmo then calls the one after that and Mammon asks Beel & Belphie what they’re doing. They’re mixing drinks. MC says there new drink (demonous with scorpion powder and something else) sounds really good (cause they’re a freak like that) Belphie says the flavours do seem to go surprisingly well together and he asks Mammon to try some. He protests saying they just want to use him as a guinea pig. Lucifer’s drawn to the commotion and says they all seem to be fun, Levi asks if he wants to sing next and he says later, he then thanks MC for planning a fun surprise for them and that they were able to create some nice final memories in the human world before heading home. MC says they’ll share more great times together and Lucifer laughs and agrees saying this won’t be the last time they’re all together and this is just one of many happy memories they’ll share in the future. When they go back to the lounge area Solomon says they could hear them all talking, singing and laughing all the way from over here despite the music, emphasizing that they could hear Levi the most. Diavolo asks them to come sit and pours them another drink and says they were all talking about them and how they helped them enjoy their time in the human realm. He thanks them from the bottom of his heart. Solomon says last time they were all together in the Devildom and this time it was in the human realm and asks where they should be together next. Luke is surprised he’s already thinking about the next time. He laughs and says it’s cause he can barely wait for the next time they are all together. MC can suggest one of the three worlds. (personally I chose the Devildom cause the brothers aren’t allowed in the Celestial Realm and as much as I am completely in love with Mammon’s human world look I miss the aesthetic of the Devildom.) Diavolo laughs and says he’s happy they’ve taken such a liking to the Devildom and that he’d love for them to come back and that the brothers will be thrilled too. From the distance and getting closer they hear Lucifer telling his brothers to quit pushing him. Mammon tells him to just hurry up and go inside. Levi says Lucifer has to be with them or they won’t be taken seriously. Lucifer groans and asks if they’re actually planning on saying “this to him”. “Of course.” Says Satan. Belphie says it’s at least worth asking. Asmo agrees saying anything’s possible if you put your mind to it. They all tumble into the lounge area and Solomon asks what brings them all here. Lucifer looking tired says that his brothers have something to ask Diavolo. Mammon tells Lucifer not to act as if he isn’t part of this and as if it hasn’t been on his mind too. Diavolo chuckles and asks what they want to ask. Beel says they’ve all been thinking about something for a while now and they want to discuss it with him. The brothers all together yell: “We want MC to join the family!” GUUUUUYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!? Not me softly sobbing at the image this makes in my head ahhhhhhh!??????? AHHHHHH!?????????? MC’s shocked and speechless. Asjvfkjffvuiefhi pls don’t give me hope like this wtf and what do they mean by join the family cause I don’t mind Lucifer more or less adopting them, and like Beel said they already seem to be a part of the family but MC brought up proposals with A LOT of the brothers so is that what they mean? Like marriage??? But they’re all asking and other than Beel & Belphie wanting to share with each other and Asmo being open to threesomes none of them want to share MC so……. Also I do not see my OM! MC getting married at all but at the same time if it was to squirrel their way into a permanent position in the family then…

Diavolo’s wide-eyed and stunned silent, and then he asks “…huh!?” Solomon bursts out laughing. Luke is red faced and tells Solomon this is no time to laugh. Solomon still laughing chokes out that he’s never seen Diavolo so stunned. Luke pauses and then asks what exactly they mean by ‘join the family’ and then he turns red and demands if they mean marrying MC. The brothers obviously haven’t really thought about what ‘join the family’ means and only now realise it can imply marriage. Asmo immediately volunteers. Mammon red faced protests to MC marrying Asmo and then stuttering says that if they’re gonna marry anyone they should marry him (he screams the last part out after struggling through the first part). Levi gets pissed saying if MC marries a scumbag like Mammon they’d have a dark, terrible future (watch me put together a 200 slide presentation refuting this) Belphie tells Asmo and Mammon to back off before they mess things up. Lucifer, looking dead tired, says it’s already a mess. Diavolo goes, “Umm…Lucifer?” and asks him to explain what’s going on. He says the others want MC around on a permanent basis so they don’t have to say goodbye ever and they put their heads together and decided on this. “Marriage!?” goes Luke. Solomon says the demons hadn’t thought how they’d make them part of the family. Lucifer tells Satan that he can look at the others like they’re a band of idiots but to leave him outta it. Solomon asks MC what they think of all this and they say they want to be part of the family too (it’s implied through out the main storyline that generally MC’s someone who’s very calm and collected and who while being incredibly blunt doesn’t express their emotions outwardly much (at the beginning of S2 Lucifer even comments on them being more expressive than before they left) but I’d like to imagine at this moment they are wet eyed and beaming because of these loveable idiots who ARE their family even if it’s not official). Diavolo smiles and says he sees. Luke has problems with humans and demons mixing and being a family (LUKE I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS!?) “Yes, Luke. I know…” says Diavolo. His face then becomes serious and he’s silent and contemplative. Diavolo looks at MC and says that though they aren’t aware of it there’s still bad blood amongst the three worlds and that no matter how much they all want to be a family and stay together it’s not within his power to let that happen. He looks upset and apologizes. Lucifer is silent. He says though that his goal is to one day remove these barriers between the worlds and that he’ll do everything in his power to make that happen, and as the future demon king he promises that one day he’ll make it so that they can marry anyone in this room (I’m screaming just MC – queer as hell and with they/them pronouns waiting in the human world for marriage to get legalized only to fall in love with someone from another world and having to wait AGAIN for marriage to be legalized… I’d have lost my entire shit.) “WELL, isn’t that good for you, you apprentice poaching motherfuckers but guess what I’m a human meaning WE can get married in the meantime… CHECKMATE, BITCHES~” says Solomon. Mammon actually snaps at Solomon and calls him a “son of a –“ before he remembers the child in the room and trails off and snaps at him not to say stuff like that. Belphie asks if Solomon can even be classified as a human given his age. (Can MC even be classified as fully human given the whole Lilith situation? I mean ik Lilith was reincarnated as a human but she still kept and passed on her supernatural magic. Plus there’s a Belphie devilgram that takes places pre S1 that implies MC’s not fully human plus that whole thing about fairy hallucination angel!Lucifer not taking MC’s word for it when they said they were human… it’s very likely though everyone here’s too dumb to realise it). Satan says at this point Solomon might as well be a demon. Asmo tells him not to pretend to be a human when it’s convenient. He laughs and says that even though he can’t grow old or die he still belongs to the human race. Beel says that maybe but Solomon isn’t playing fair, Levi agrees and says Solomon’s also making him jealous. Diavolo says MC sure is popular seeing as they are all fighting over them. Lucifer says he knew this would happen and that’s why he didn’t want them to have this discussion. Luke’s shocked that MC’s got demons and the world’s greatest sorcerer wrapped around their finger, MC asks him if he sees them in a new light now. Luke says he thinks it’s impressive but it also creeps him out.

Back near the dance floor, Satan laughs and says Beel’s eating too much, Beel says Satan’s drinking too much, Satan who actually seems tipsy says he’s nowhere near his limit and challenges Beel to a competition to see who reaches their drink/food limit first, Beel agrees. Given how much beel can eat I can only assume this is the last we see of Satan RIP. Barbatos, looking uncharacteristically extremely worried, tells them to slow down cause neither of them know to stop. Levi, finishing up his song, calls for Luke who booked next but Mammon says Simeon went to put the “little guy” to sleep and asks Levi to come play cards instead. Lucifer, who’s playing with Mammon, asks if he hasn’t lost enough at this point, Mammon turns red and says this time he’s gonna win it all back. Asmo laughs and says Mammon just jinxed himself. Belphie asks why MC’s looking around the room so restlessly and they can say A.) I don’t see Diavolo anywhere B.) where’s Solomon? Either way the answer is he has no idea where Solomon went but he did see Diavolo head out earlier. He says the two of them are probably together talking. MC finds Diavolo and asks what he’s up to. He says he wanted a break and to gaze at the city lights and sober up a little since he won’t be able to see them again for awhile. He asks them to sit next to him and then laughs and says he could barely believe his ears after he heard what the brothers asked. He says he’s known the seven of them for a long time and knows how close they are and that it’s unbelievable that they’d want to include someone new to the family (MY HEART!? ALSO FOUND FAMILY TROPE!) He says it almost makes him jealous. They say that they know for a fact that he’s very important to the brothers too. He’s like “thanks for saying that but rn you’re either playing dumb or you actually are this dumb which makes me question my taste but then again I’m also in love with Lucifer so…” and he says he’s jealous of the brothers not them (Sure, Jan. We know you’re jealous of them both don’t lie). He says he feels the same as them and blushes and says he keeps thinking about how it could be if they were together forever (Sir, pls Lucifer is right there. He’s available. Pls.) He says if their relationship was on that level and if their bond was deep and permanent like those of a family he can’t even imagine how amazing that’d be (he keeps repeating ‘family’ and the brothers weren’t even thinking marriage when they asked for MC to be part of their family and Diavolo was really shocked and he now said specifically it was them asking about being ‘family’ before Luke even first mentioned marriage that made Diavolo jealous. What I’m saying is that considering Diavolo’s lonely, strict childhood the one thing he wants more than anything is a family not marriage specifically). He smiles and says they beat him to the punch and that he asks them to give him time cause he’s gonna do everything he can to mend the bridges between the three worlds for MC and for the brothers…and a little bit for himself. He gives them his word.

Out on the balcony Solomon greets them and asks if they shouldn’t be down with the others, they say they needed a break and wanted to talk to him, he wonders if the others would be pissed if they knew Solomon had MC all to himself. He says he figured he’d stay out of the way today and let MC and the demons spend time together considering he’ll have enough time to hang out with them later. He says he can’t believe they asked MC to join the family and that he didn’t see that coming. He starts laughing again about how serious they looked and how shocked Diavolo looked, and how Lucifer looked like he had a migraine (Ik we all say Lucifer’s the sadist but have we considered…) MC asks if he really thinks it’s that funny (and I’m pretty sure they’re offended on the brothers’ behalf and hurt cause that’s what they want too.) Solomon says for him it’s funny. He says it’s common of a demon to ask for a business arrangement or a pact but he’s never heard of them asking humans to join their family. He smiles and says he’s beginning to think he chose a “truly incredible” human as his apprentice. MC asks what the demons in his life are to him, he gives it serious thought and said these days he sees them as close friends. MC asks if things were different earlier and he says they were but also asks that they not get into things rn cause the story is long and tedious, MC asks if he’s just trying to avoid their question and if he’s gonna tell them the truth or not. He laughs and says nope and that though you can’t tell it by looking at him he’s a little too tipsy. He reminds them that they’re barely a sorcerer rn and that they should leave questions like that for later until they can use “magic like this” without an incantation. He uses magic to teleport the others on to the balcony (what a snake. Imagine instead of going to a crowd to escape a conversation you use your magic to bring the crowd to you to avoid a conversation AND to set a line for MC to reach before they can start poking at his past.) Asmo says he’s being wondering where the two of them went and how naughty it was to sneak off together, Levi complains about being cut halfway through a song, Beel asks MC to judge his eating competition with Satan and Satan says it’s actually a drinking competition. Barbatos looking deeply concerned asks if the two of them intend to empty the hotel’s pantry AND its wine cellar. He asks MC to stop them. Lucifer’s goading Mammon and kicking his ass in a card game and Mammon refuses to give up (HC that Lucifer taught Mammon to play cards up in the Celestial Realm as a way to get him to sit still and NOT set the drapes on fire). Belphie comments on the card game and the party continues. (Pretty sure Solomon saw the demons as pawns or tools to get what he wants/ for more power and that he was much more ruthless with making pacts with them than he is now when he pesters Lucifer (aka getting Asmo drunk while he was upset and making a pact) the question is why? And why did Michael basically sponsor this? We know that the Celestial Realm and Devildom had just called a truce when Michael took an interest in Solomon so could it be that he wanted someone to keep an eye on the demons and the best way to do that was to have a powerful human sorcerer make as many pacts with demons as possible. I mean Solomon made a pact with Asmo mostly because he was Lucifer’s brother and Michael still has a heavy interest in the brothers so it could be possible that he wanted Solomon to make a pact with one of them so that he could see what they were doing?)

LAST ONE GUYS! :) I’m okay really :)))))))) Outside the manor in the morning, Barbatos tells Diavolo it’s time and Diavolo looking really sad agrees. (RIGHT OFF THE BAT HUH!?) Even Solomon seems upset when he realizes it’s time and then that damn song starts playing, that ending song that always chokes me up and this time it doesn’t feel as sad as last season because honestly the “Till we meet again” party really helped while last season all the brothers tried to run away with MC and that shit HURT but it still makes me choked up FUCK I want them back so badly. Diavolo comes up to MC and says they have to return and that though they weren’t here for a long time it was really fun. “So, till we meet again, MC” he ends with. Barbatos thanks them for all they did to make their stay in the human world more comfortable. He says next time they meet he’ll prepare a special tea for them that he’s sure they’ll like. From here we’re going to direct quotes because I am EMOTIONAL:

Mammon says, while not meeting their eyes: …Listen, why’re you sittin’ around twiddling your thumbs, huh? I saw how hard you worked to become a sorcerer, so I know you got it in ya. (He blushes, still not meeting their eyes) Hurry up and learn summoning magic ASAP! You big dummy… (he finally looks up at them and smiles) And once you learn it, you’d better summon ME first! All right? You promise, right? (MC can either hug or kiss him….AND YOU GUYS MUST KNOW ME BY NOW SO MC just kisses him in front of all the brothers just like that????????? – he blushes and looks away again) Dammit, now I wanna take you back to the Devildom with me… (He meets their eyes one more time, face still red)

Levi says, blushing and looking aside: …You know that game we were playing? Final Devil Kingdom… (He looks up at them, still blushing) Well, I’ve decided not to make any more progress in it until I see you next. (He smiles brightly then) So we need to get together and play it again as soon as possible, okay? I mean, I’m dying to move on to the next dungeon… (He looks up at them with a sad expression then and they can either hug or kiss him and look I love Levi but I’ve already made my choice so MC hugs him – he blushes and gets a determined expression on his face) I’m going to be messaging you a lot, okay? So… don’t ignore my texts, or I’ll cry. (He smiles at them one more time)

Satan says, looking confident and meeting their eyes: …There are several cats who come by the manor for food each day. Make sure to take care of them for me. If you’re on the job, I feel like I can rest easy knowing they’ll be okay. (He frowns, blushes and looks away then) But keep in touch. Let me know how the cats are doing every day. Got it? Every day. (They hug him and he laughs and then says with a smile) Knowledge is power. The more you have, the better off you’ll be. So study hard, and learn to stand on your own two feet as a sorcerer as soon as you can.

Asmo says, looking really upset but making eye contact: No matter how I dress myself up or how cute I make my nails and makeup, if I can’t show it to the one I love the most, it won’t be fun at all. (He smiles then) So, I’ve decided to think about it this way… I have to strive to make myself more and more beautiful with each passing day! 🤍 (He smiles even more brightly) So that one day you’ll fall for me completely and then you’ll be all mine! How does that sound? (MC hugs him and he giggles, and says smiling) I’m going to put a little something extra on my hug! 🤍 (he squeezes them closer)

Beel says with a soft smile looking in at them: …It was fun getting to eat together with you every day here human world, MC. (His smile brightens) You know, when you’re with the right person, good food has a way of tasting even better. I want to be able to eat with you all the time, every single day. I want that to be normal. And I’m going to do whatever I can to make it so that someday soon, it really will be like that. (MC hugs him and he blushes and smiles and says) Make sure you eat enough, okay? Take care of yourself.

Belphie says also with a soft smile, making eye contact: I’m glad I got this chance to live here in the human world. Spending each day together with you in your world has been incredibly fun. (He looks sad and looks to the side) …Having to go to sleep every night in a house without you in it from now on is going to be really sad, and really lonely. (MC hugs them and he blushes but his expression is still sad and he doesn’t make eye contact) Take care, MC…

Lucifer’s wearing that fond smile that makes his eyes squint shut and he says: …Never did I imagine that one day, I’d find it this hard to say goodbye to you. I’ve managed to shock even myself. (He looks up at them then) Once I’m back in the Devildom, where I can’t see you anymore, this feeling is probably going to grow even worse. I hope this is every bit as difficult for you as it is for me. (MC hugs him) …Let’s make sure we see each other again sooner rather than later. (He gives that soft fond smile again)

Barbatos opens the portal. Solomon tells them all to take care. There’s a flash of bright light and the opening song starts playing. “MC!” Yells Mammon with a bright smile before he jumps in. “Toodles!” Says a beaming, waving Asmo. “Till next time!” says Levi with a small smile. “Take care of yourself!” Says a brightly smiling Belphie. “Bye…” Says Beel with a smile. “See you around.” Says Satan with a smile. “See you next time.” Says Lucifer with a nod of his head and a smile. “Goodybe, MC.” Says Diavolo with a bright smile. There’s another flash and the portal’s closed and they’re all gone. The credits play thanking all the main and side character VAs over human world backgrounds and YOU! Back in front of the manor Solomon says it suddenly got so quiet that he feels lonely. MC’s silent and doesn’t answer him. “Hey,” he says after a bit, “didn’t they officially hire you as their “babysitter” because you came here looking for a job, you know that thing you need to be able to survive independent adult life in the human world… Did they ever pay you for that?” “…SON OF A B–” At the angel’s halo Simeon tells a sad, silent Luke that the others must have gone back home by now, Luke quietly agrees. Simeon laughs and asks if that bothers Luke. Luke blushes, stutters and denies it. Luke tries to change the topic by telling Simeon to hurry up and grind some coffee cause they’re about to open. Simeon says they still have enough time and Luke says he’s gonna take out the trash and runs out back to avoid his feelings and this conversation. Simeon laughs. The door opens and Simeon turns to tell them they’re not opened yet but trails off. ??? says, “I can see that, yes…” Simeon’s eyes widen and his mouth turns down, he’s too shocked to say anything. ??? says, “Well, look at you. I could almost believe you really are a human, brother…” Simeon’s entire face goes blank and settles on a cold emotionless expression though he still doesn’t reply before he slowly smiles, “…Welcome. So glad you could stop by, Raphael.” And the chapter, the lesson and the season is over. So…SO…you know I don’t even have words really. I’m not, we really are getting new characters aren’t we. I mean I said in some of the earlier summaries that at this point with the way they were hyping up the angels in this season that it only makes sense to bring them in BUT I never 100% believed they would and now I’m just???? They really are gonna do it holy fuck GUYS!? I need S4 badly like rn immediately but given that the break between S2 and S3 was really small AND that they maybe introducing at least 2 new characters the break between S3 and S4 might be longer AND I get it y’know but still I desperately need this now. Holy shit. And Simeon’s facial expressions! How he looked surprised and upset and then how his face just shut down (something we rarely or never? See from him) and then how it smoothed out into a smile ajsdvbkdwhskcjksk Raphael’s way of speaking fit exactly with what I imagined after what Asmo, Lucifer and Belphie said about him. This kinda formal, authoritative, cold, distant way. And the tension between him and Simeon!? “BROTHER!????” Does he mean brother in the same way as the Sins do or is it more brother in arms the way I see Lucifer and Simeon being in the Celestial Realm? It felt cold compared to them. Pls give me a heavily dysfunctional, distant and cold angel family to contrast with the dysfunctional but close and loving demon family I WILL SCREAM. I’ve screamed all my angel and celestial realm theories in the previous summaries (there are a lot) so I’m not gonna go into detail about them here but I will say I’m keeping my fingers crossed for morally dubious/grey angels who believe they are completely in the right at all times and I’m deeply scared of getting at least part of S4 without the brothers as we are introduced to the angels – I mean don’t get me wrong I’d love if they took time to introduce us to the angels without the brothers’ dynamics with them being involved and to give us a chance to hear their side of the story before they have the whole reunion between everyone BUT I’ll also feel the heavy withdrawal effects of being deprived of the brothers so yeah. Overall the goodbye to the brothers felt far more uplifting than last season’s one given that they ended with the upbeat opening song and not the melancholic sounding ending song. WOW okay. I’m gonna try and get through the hard lessons and unlock the chapters I couldn’t since S2. SEE YOU NEXT SEASON! LOVE AK 🤍

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ot3 · 3 years

Text

had some 'thoughts' on an au where mia/lana and phoenix/edgeworth's narrative arcs are swapped (aka mia main protag lana main antag, phoenix mentor) and dumped over 1000 words on the subject in the groupchat today. here you go.

lana -

she and mia strike up a childhood friendship after the skye parents use the khurain channeling method to talk to lana and ema's grandparents. at this stage in life, lana really wants to be a detective because she believes that proper like collection, treatment, and handling of evidence is the Key to making sure everything in the world turns out fair and just and righteous. i think rather than less than one year she and mia have a few years of being friends like this, but don't see each other every day like phoenix and edgeworth would have at school. lana just makes the trek up to khurain village whenever she can and they call on the payphone etc.

then, the skye parents die in a car accident and she completely ghosts mia and drops off the face of the planet. the parents were killed by a drunk driver and gant is the detective assisting the prosecution with this case. the defendant is successfully imprisoned. lana goes on to become a detective under the tutelage of gant, who recognizes lanas potential from a young age and takes the skye sisters under his wings a la manfred and edgeworth. eventually he pushes lana into pursuing prosecution instead because he wants a pawn in the prosecutors office and he does this by telling her that he collaborated with the prosecutor of her parents' death to forge evidence and testimony, otherwise the killer would have gotten away with it. so she becomes the demon prosecutor.

mia -

meanwhile stays in khurain and continues her training for the most part. since there's no dl-6 nothing happens to misty and theres no reason for mia to leave, but one day shes watching her mother perform a channeling for someone and the person being channeled turns out to have been someone lana had falsely imprisoned who was subsequently executed. mia is like. hey holy shit that doesn't sound right. one, lana's supposed to be a detective, not a prosecutor, two, she wouldnt do that. i have to go find out what the hell happened and see what made her this way.

so mia leaves the village and attends law school at ivy and it's really her first time out of the village for any significant stretch of time and so she's very country mouse in the big city. dahlia spots her at the courthouse when she's pulling Her whole shtick and is like OH MY GOSH HEY CUZ YOU REMEMBER ME RIGHT (: (: (: (: (: SO CRAZY BESTIE BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE'VE SEEN YOU I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU ((poison necklace)) and obviously there's not the dating identity swap i dont know about the specifics here but. mia gets involved in dahlias hijinks from Trusting Family too much and phoenix ends up defending her in court, which is where she meets him and eventually she begins working at his law firm with him

phoenix -

he and edgeworth were friends through childhood and when edgeworth started at themis to study as a defense attorney their friendship continued. phoenix spent enough time going over edgeworths schoolwork with him and serving as a filler in after-hours mock trials put on by the more enthusiastic students or bumming around in the art club because eventually they stopped kicking him out that eventually edgeworth started to realized phoenix kind of had a knack for the whole lawyering thing, and convinced him to give it a try. phoenix was very easily swayed by edgeworth telling him he was smart and good at something. he and edgeworth both started practicing as defense attorneys at the edgeworth law offices, with phoenix lagging a bit behind edgeworth in terms fo passing the bar and whatnot. maybe by a couple of years. did they date in this timeline? yes. absolutely. idk when though. some awkward high school stuff for sure and then probably some more serious stuff as adults.

he and lana face off in the fawles trial and the whole affair ends with fawles suicide and ray getting godot'd with the poison bottle. also something mysterious happens to edgeworth and he's suddenly cold and distant, leaving his fathers firm to pursue a career as a prosecutor. phoenix can't bear to be there without edgeworth so he leaves to open his own firm. here's where phoenix starts getting the idea that maybe the way the law functions needs some changing, so he starts doing some side research on the jurist system while he takes a break from cases. he keeps getting stopped everywhere he goes and everyone he talks to, and eventualyl finds out that one man currently owns pretty much all of the justice system: redd white. so phoenix begins looking into white trying to take him down as a prerequisite for judicial reform. this does not work and phoenix gets bludgeoned to death in his office after mia wins her first case. RIP KING !

edgeworth -

becomes a defense attorney at his father's firm as established. pretty much what you'd expect from a no dl-6 au edgeworth. but then. the twistening: this is also something i haven't really ironed out the specifics of but whatever it doesn't really matter. MVK has been eyeing revenge on greg. in a sort of parallel to the sl-9 incident, greg - with edgeworth as co-counsel - had been defending someone accused of a serial killing, and it REALLY started to look like the prosecution was not going to be able to put the case through. there's one final confrontation where the prosecution is interrogating the defendant, and the defense team is waiting outside. power outage, scuffle, blah blah blah, long story short it ends with mvk killing the defendant and setting the scene up to make it seem like greg killed the man (either accidentally or in self defense?idk) which, yknow, killing your defendant is sure to ruin a defense attorneys reputation

so mvk blackmails edgeworth into switching teams and becoming a prosecutor. in a few years, he's chief prosecutor like lana was. since mvk works internationally he cant keep the position himself, but having edgeworth there as a pawn works in his favor and of course edgeworth is wholly miserable

ema -

sort of in fran's place. becomes a detective at an incredibly young age and pops up after mia gets gant arrested. she's got more of her aa4 bitterness going on here because gant was basically like forensics is fucking stupid (whihc she now realizes is because forensic analysis makes fucking lying in court a hell of a lot harder) and is embittered because she essentially had her dream beaten out of her to be used as someones pawn. she spent all this time trying to live up to her sister and help her sister when her sister wasnt even doing anything good either. shows up after lana 'chooses death' to investigate her sisters disappearance

maya -

still assists as mia's co counsel, only she's channeling phoenix for the most part here. very sad that the only time phoenix and maya will ever get to meet is once pearly gets into the mix but these are the sacrifices we make.

fran -

i think conceptually still the second prosecutor once lana Chooses Death only since she spent most of her life without edgeworth, the two of them are on slightly different terms than they are in canon. not as close, but not quite as volatile and competitive either since she was working as a prosecutor far before he was. edgeworth calls her into the country to start prosecuting while he is, i guess, in jail for his crimes, presumably, because he wants to believe she is a good enough person to prosecute the Right way and doesn't trust most of the remaining prosecutors in the district. shes still sort of on the fence over the whole game but obviously gets pushed over the edge in 2-4

#ace attorney #lanamia

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littledevil-jpeg · 3 years

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Okay, so last post I was giving Lucifer 5B some credit for getting me interested and intrigued about a shitty character, so, as all things should be balanced, here comes the other side of the question. I'll say right off the bat that Lucifer was never a show I took seriously, all at once because of the tone, the way they chose to develop and delve into the themes, the monster-of-the-week format (though also done in spn, there it's redeemed by the darker tone and more subtle theme-development. Obviously, this is S1-S5 I'm talking about) and again the overall way this world works. I've been known to accuse Cobra Kai and even Breaking Bad for coincidence-bending, but they don't even come close to the level of Lucifer here. Then, of course, there's how easy everything is, like a bloody sled on ice: drugs - no problem, kill someone - no problem, infiltrate a mafia group - no fooking problem. How? Well, glaze over that, it's not that important. Except it is. Remember how in that same Breaking Bad Walter's team spent considerable chunks of the show planning, hiding evidence, preparing, measuring little details, diligently covering up their tracks. And they were only involved in a measly drug manufacturing business. Imagine the shit Lucifer runs, with crime bosses, drugs, demons and prostitutes piling out of his front door. Obviously it's a show about angels and demons, and the realism isn't the focus of the program, but still, these things matter. There's always a convenience to it. Like, oh, you need to infiltrate the Russian mafia or some shit? Don't worry, I know a guy - and poof, problem gone. That's not even to mention the universe bending out of shape all around Lucifer, everyone (Chloe especially) putting up with his humiliating bullshit, the fact that he would be kicked out the police in anything even remotely resembling real life, that the mc's get away with almost everything, the unrealistic dialogue that no human irl ever speaks, the second-hand embarrassment, the cheesy "morale" speeches, the dull, predictable cases that are all done by the same formula... and more. So okay, there's a lot, a lot, of problems with this show. Which is why no one really takes it that seriously, we all know it's kind of trashy. But "kind of trashy" is one thing. Now, when season 5 introduces a genuine "evil twin" that we're meant to take with even a bit of seriousness, in the footsteps of such chef d'oeuvres as Dispicable Me 3, when that twin is the most caricature-like villain in recent history, when the allmighty is a buffoon with half a brain, forget omniscient, and isn't even in-line with the stuff he's done before, when one of the main cast is offed as though mid-sentense, with no lead-up, no foreshadowing, no preamble, like a toss of a dice, when the main character is on a race to become God himself, and his love interested Mrs God, and when, oh, Jesus fucking Christ, just stop already! I truly wonder if the writer's room a big dart board with all these drunk-ass ideas stuck onto it, and they blind throw to make the next season. It's finally hitting me now, as I'm writing this, what on god's green earth I watched yesterday.

Why does Lucifer need to become God? Why does a war in Heaven even have to be introduced? Why not focus of the more intricate inter-personal conflicts on Earth, on the characters and their mentalities, on those meaningful arcs that hold actual importance, and emotion, and down-to-earth (lol), well, meaning again. Why do we need a heavenly war? Why does Lucifer need the approval of the angels, when the moral seems to be that he makes himself who he is, not his status, not his people, not his past and not the Silver City (an excellent moral, by the way, so credit where it's due. This self-actualisation business is the second best thing in the whole show)? I get that this is why the majority vote doesn't work, but then what does work? Are they ment to self-actualise into becoming God? Now, I'm aware it's left uncertain whether Luci really is God, so I won't go there for now, but then we have the issue of his resurrection. Was it a reward for self-sacrifice? That wouldn't fit so well, considering all the previous sacrifices that were much more impressive than this one. And what's the philosophy behind that - he's acting out of love? But to what end, if by dying he practically fucked all the other people on Earth, including the very same Chloe he just brough back down? Are these really the qualities for a God to have?

Or did he once again self-actualise, but this time he actualised himself to life? That would truly be a stake-killer. I saw a theory that he finally saw himself as worthy of Heaven, which doesn't quite link to coming back to life. Well, these are perhaps, once again, speculations, and maybe this will be cleared up next season. As for Lucifer's God status, it's a shitty move on the writers' part. Not only was the execution rushed, but thematically, again, Lucifer becoming God to feel worthy of Chloe is nonsense. From a plot and theme standpoint, why does this need to happen? This Godly status holds no meaning, no emotional worth, it's not fullfilling, not symbolic of anything fitting other than that same old "bad to good" and I guess the irony of the Devil becoming God, but the irony is an empty one if it has no real meaning. Which is the case. The whole thing is empty of substance, and I don't know why they went there. You know, it's hollow anyway, not least because Lucifer really doesn't deserve it. Even this season, he is nothing but a child - he acts and thinks like a child, he unchangeably does the same "projecting" bs from season to season to season with no actual sign of emotional maturity other than that in the words of other characters. But you can say he's different all you want, it's not gonna work if the subtle signs of his change aren't there. Say, imagine if Endeavor kept running his mouth about atonement, but kept dutifully abusing his kids - this is that. And yeah, Lucifer loves Chloe in his own way, cares about her, and even comes out of his self-absorbed little world for her, which by the way bugged me about their uneven relationship since season 1 (you know, treating her like shit with a flimsy excuse and then "making up" for it with a grand gesture of sacrifice or a round of angsty suffering. Time after time, every time.)

And finally, of course, there's the issue of how inconsiderate it is to Chloe for him to become God. I mean, it's dead obvious no relationship will be possible there, not without becoming even more unhealthy than it already seems. Themathic significance and meaning aside, even then, even in-universe, it's a shitty thing Lucifer does, again, for himself. So that he feels worthy of Chloe. What she feels, once he's made it his goal to do something, essentially doesn't matter anymore. And the plot fascilitates this splendidly, I mean, she always forgives him without fault like a well-oiled machine. Always, whatever he does, and it's gotten old a long time ago. We know Lucifer can do anything, anything at all, and he will be forgiven - by Chloe, by Maze, by Dan, by Linda, by Amenadiel, by anyone that he needs to forgive him. You'll be lucky if they don't do it the same episode, and extraordinarily lucky if it takes them three or four.

There are many other things to discuss this season, like Dan's ridiculously badly written death, Chloe's whole character stagnation, the, khm, the musical episode, the saturaday morning cartoon villain problem, the fact that Michael manages to descieve an omniscient being, and God himself. I might do those separately, might not, we'll see, as those aren't nearly as interesting to dissect as the above.

Aaaand, anyway, if he is now God, I strongly suspect they'll play the angle of "even though he's God, he stills feels shitty, as true self-love/worth comes from elsewhere" and the usual thing.

#lucifer 5b #lucifer season five #lucifer season 5 #lucifer season six #lucifer #michael demiurgos #michael #lucifans #lucifer netflix #lucifer 5x16 #lucifer 5a #lucifer x chloe #chloe deserves better #chloe decker

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strawberrymilkloadingscreen · 4 years

Text

Giving Up the Ghost Chapter 1 (Rise TMNT) (Donnie x Black&Female! Reader)

“Holy shit they’re turtle demons.”

You hadn’t believed April when she said that the demons and ghosts you were obsessed with lived in her tiny apartment. Every time you’d gone over in the last year and a half there hadn’t been that sort of itchy energy that you associated with demons, or the more groggy and cold one that came with ghosts. In fact, she didn’t live in a building considered a hot haunting zone online, her entire block was ghost free, and even the little sub place she was working at didn’t have a lick of phantom energy.

April O’Neil was as normal as could be.

However, there wasn’t anything you could say to refute the very clear evidence in front of you. Four gigantic turtles with weapons were crowded in your friend’s living room, yellow paint splattered on them, April, and the walls.

April scratched her head and ended up smearing hazard yellow paint through her cherry red curls. “Heeeey. What’re you doing here?”

“Me? Can we start talking about them?”

“Them? Psht! They’re just-“

A turtle in blue set a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, April. Talking about secret hobbies is embarrassing, but coming clean will do the body good. Like milk.”

“Leo…”

“The truth is that we’re… cosplaying.”

You rolled your eyes at that. “Seriously? That’s the best thing you can come up with? Even without my token I can practically see the energy coming from you.”

“Human girl say what?”

“She probably means the trace bits of mutagen from the oozsquitos in our blood.” A purple one muttered. “Which, I mean, is fair and accurate. Better question is how she can see anything since looking at her she’s obviously a normal everyday human.”

“WHOOOA!” You leaned back as an orange clad turtle got eye level with your chest. You weren’t sure when he got there, and that part concerned you more than a little. “What’s that!”

“What’s… Oh.” You plucked up the gem that had a perfect hole in the middle of it. “It’s the token. It lets me see ghosts, demons, but not 5’3 turtles dressed in neon orange.”

“It’s a great color. Is that violet or lavender?”

“I dunno? What are you?”

“Well I’m a warm shade of green with-“

The largest turtle plucked the smaller orange one up with one hand, and easily set him with all the others. “We’re mutants that are turtles… And ninjas. So don’t say a thing or we’ll make you disappear.”

“Isn’t that Hypno’s thing?” The one in blue wondered.

“Leo I’m trying to keep her from spilling our secret, annnd she’s fainting.”

You were in fact fainting into a pile of pure excitement and worry onto April’s paint splattered floor. The last thing you saw was April’s baseball bat, and four flinching turtles trying to get out her glitter encrusted door…

_______________________________________________________________

You ended up waking up on your front porch with a bottle of vodka tucked under your arm. You weren’t sure if it was April’s way to say sorry, or if it was to give your landlord and other passerby the idea that you passed out drunk. Either way the booze was welcome as you made your way out of the muggy summer heat and into the ice cold of your apartment. Your roommate’s cat, Xena, meowed at your return and followed you about as you took off your boots at the door. You went to the counter and pushed aside empty Chinese takeout boxes and mail to make room for the vodka.

With that task completed you quickly stripped, and tossed out the paint encrusted clothes in the trash, before cramming yourself in the shower and scrubbing hard. “How was I not robbed and murdered?”

Probably because you looked crazy. A Ouija board shirt and some booze was enough to make a handful of people back away from you; a wonderful lesson that college parties and your small town had taught you. The wet paint was probably another great deterrent. Whatever the case you were thankful enough not to get mad at the splotches that wouldn’t scrub off your dark skin. You quickly hopped out and towel dried before pulling on some comfy clothes and going back into the kitchen.

You paused beside a large tank sitting on top of some stacked books. With a groan you popped down on your knees and peered inside, a soft smile curling on your lips as you watched the turtle sitting on a pastel rock. “Hey Venus. Comfy?”

“Awe, are you talking to your turtle?” Your skin jumped and you quickly stood rod straight. “Hey don’t get jumpy on me now. Just me.”

“I mean it’s normal to get jumpy when around a walking talking garbage disposal.”

“I’d be offended if it wasn’t true.”

You rolled your eyes and grabbed the bottle of vodka. “What are you even doing here, Ricky? Jessie won’t be back for another week.”

“Forgot my phone charger here last night.” He waved the blue device around. “Oh, by the way, there was another haunting out at my Ma’s. Said she saw the pots moving. Think you could take a look?”

Ghosts… Wait, that was why you went to go see April. You’d seen some new ghost documentary on a streaming service, and you’d made plans with her to see it. When you got there…

Turtles.

Well, the red one said they were also ninja. That sounded utterly ridiculous, but you weren’t inclined to argue with demons or ghosts. Not that you had met that many, four in total including the ones today, but you’d read enough materials to know that it would be stupid to do so! Old ladies out in China Town though…

“Sorry Ricky, but I’ve got my plate full. Can you tell her I’ll try to make it some other time?”

“No prob. Pretty sure she’s just lonely and making up stuff to get some visitors. Should really go out there and scrapbook with her again now that I think about it.” He slicked back his blue hair. “Anyway, I’m heading out. If Jessie calls tell them I want some nudes”

“…No.”

“How about ‘I love you’.”

“Better.”

You waited until you heard the soft click of the door and snap of the lock before you went over to the cabinet and popped open a soda. You took a good swig before adding a splash of the vodka, and going back to the living room. Xena decided to take over your legs, but you couldn’t complain as you grabbed your laptop and began to do what you did best. Blogs were examined, newspaper articles scanned, and plenty of folklore was cracked open between sips of your boozy treat.

There were plenty of things for ninja that would come up for New York City. Everything from comic-cons, movie sets, and even a few historical events for museums. You were getting something similar for turtles as well. A new friend donated to the zoo, a fundraiser for conservation, and plenty of art meant to beautify the city.

However, when you entered the terms for humanoid turtles that’s when things were getting sketchy. Strange photos out outlines in a fish and ladder market, far more convincing ones during the hippo turtle meme a few years back, and a shaky video of black blobs ziplining down to a rooftop pool.

The more that you saw them the less you were convinced these things were demons or ghosts. Some type of cryptid maybe? Aliens? However, the term ninja made you lean more towards monsters, to be more specific kappa. Turtles that would drown their victims, rip orbs out of asses, and had a strange love for cucumber. You ended up falling asleep with Xena asleep on your keyboard and the new knowledge armed in your brain.

That was why you found yourself standing outside April’s, now non glittery, door the next morning. You had a basket hanging off your arm, and your cellphone fisted in your free hand. You kicked at the door, and only moments later it was ripped open by a still yellow streaked April.

“Oh it’s you…”

“Don’t get all excited to see me.”

The two of you stood in silence for a long moment, nervous smiles on both your faces and the air thick with tension. You took a deep breath and held out the basket full of sake and kappa.

“Here!”

“What is it?”

You looked away, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip until it stung. “Well, you had kappa in your house, and I wanted to give that as a peace offering. I dunno how you managed to meet kappa of all things in NYC, but I’m not gonna judge… Or tell. Especially that last one.”

April stared at the basket for a long moment, before looking at you with an equally bewildered look. She held up a single finger, before pulling her phone out of her pocket and tapped something out on it. “Wha-? You think they’re monsters from Japanese folklore? Girl, you really went all out with that vodka, huh?”

“I dunno what they were. One minute I was in your house, and the next it’s a mess and you have huge ass turtles in there. Isn’t that just the most interesting thing to ever happen!”

“Ahhhh not really?”

“Well, I guess you’re used to it. That’s fair.”

April gave a soft sigh before opening her door up all the way, and gesturing for you to come inside. “Look, I think the two of us are gonna have to have a long talk. Want some coffee?”

“Only if you’ve got whipped creamer.”

“Don’t you know it.”

You followed her into the apartment and your nervousness melted away. "So how'd you meet them?" "Well it all started when I was a kid thanks to a sad sad trolling attempt..."

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stanbillyhargrove · 3 years

Text

Demons - The Rewrite

Chapter 22: Knife End, Walking Like A Dead Man

Billy’s POV

I pulled up to Steve’s house and was surprised to see his car sitting in the driveway. I was sure he would have gone driving around town some more even after me telling him to stay home.

I scooped Cat into my arms and walked up the driveway, shifting to hold her with one arm so I could ring the doorbell. Behind the door, I could hear someone running before the door flew open, a frazzled Steve holding back Rocky on the other side.

He saw Cat in my arms, pale, eyes sunken and his knees buckled, “is she..?”

“She’s just sleeping, Harrington. Calm down.”

Steve breathed out loudly and backed out of the way of the door with shaky knees, “come on, bring her inside.”

Neither of us talked while I hurried to follow him through his house to his room. Steve pulled the blankets down so I could lay Cat on the sheets.

"Need to get this dress off, she's soaked," I explained.

“Here," he offered me a sweater, "I’ll...get some more blankets,” he whispered, quickly walking away.

Lifeless.

I eased the hem of her dress up her legs. Held her back with one hand and gently slid the dress off with the other. Pulled the sweater over her head and carefully eased her arms in.

It was huge on her.

I pulled the blankets over her and took a moment to roll up the sleeves and look at the scars on her arms again. Felt my stomach turn to lead, threatening to drag me down through the floor. Tears collected in the corners of my eyes again as I ran a thumb over the rough scab. Steve cleared his throat when he came back, making me look away to wipe at my eyes before meeting his gaze.

“I know, they’re pretty bad,” he murmured, layering more blankets over Cat.

I leaned forward and kissed her forehead before standing up to leave the room with Steve, Rocky trailing behind us.

“What was it like,” I asked as we walked towards the kitchen, “finding her?"

Steve turned to look at me with a huff, “horrible. The first time she called me she was off her face drunk and just, the way she talked sounded so, wrong, you know? I drove over as soon as I heard the message and found her passed out, just totally out of it. There was a bottle of pills empty on the counter. I dragged her into the tub and forced her to puke until she woke up.”

Steve dug through his fridge for a couple bottles of beer. Handed one to me and then grabbed a bag of peas from the freezer. Passed it to me without a word and waited until I pressed it to my jaw before cracking open his beer.

“Last time?” I questioned, taking a swig of my own drink.

Steve took a long gulp before looking back at me, “after you showed up here and kicked my ass I told Cat to go home, I was just so fucking pissed off and I thought it would be better if she left. Give us all time to cool down, you know? But we...it wasn't a fight really, but we'd been arguing before you got here and I just didn’t know what to say to her, after everything, so I just didn’t, I didn’t talk to her at all. I was fucking stupid. Then she called me again and left a message, begging for my help, thought I was mad at her. When I got to her place it was weirdly quiet. Like, nothing seemed real when I walked inside.”

Steve took a deep breath and downed the rest of his beer, pulling another from the fridge and opening it before continuing, “she slit her wrists in the bathroom. There was blood all over the floor, it looked like a fucking murder scene from TV. She was still awake so I wrapped her up to stop the bleeding and put her to bed, then cleaned everything up. Told her I couldn’t do that again, couldn’t hold on to everything by myself and that she needed to quit hiding everything. She got mad, started yelling at me...I tried giving her a fucking ultimatum, man, figured if I told her I wouldn’t be around while she killed herself maybe she’d want to get better,” he wiped at his dewy eyes with the heel of his hand, “nothing was enough, obviously."

I swallowed my beer with a gulp, my throat closing around a knot, “and you guys slept together?”

Steve nodded slowly, “yeah, the night before you showed up here. I picked her up from that party and brought her back here, she’d been staying here since the pills. She was drunk and high, thought maybe it would help her get past things. I had started drinking whenever it got to be too much, and I drank a lot that night. I’d been drinking before Tommy’s call and then downed a couple after bringing her back here, it was just so much shit, you know? And then she asked me if we could…and I just, I thought if it was a good thing for her then maybe that would help...It didn’t mean anything though.”

I hummed, taking a long pull of my beer before pulling a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket, “you mind?”

Steve shook his head and waved a hand at me, “go ahead.”

I tapped one out of the pack and held it between my lips to light it, pulling a hard drag off it before muttering, “what really happened at the party. Why did she end up with you. Why does she trust you more than me.”

Steve sighed, “she had been asking for us, someone came to find me but by then she was gone. I overheard those losers from out of town talking about leaving a girl upstairs passed out. It creeped me out so I went to check it out, see if I could help them get home, found her in one of the rooms. She was dead to the world, wouldn’t wake up. I straightened up her clothes and brought her back here to sleep it off, I thought she drank too much and maybe they backed off when she passed out but when she woke up in the morning she couldn’t remember much of what happened. They drugged her, slipped something in her drink."

He reached out and took the cigarette from my fingers. Took a long drag before continuing.

"Anyway, I had seen some of her scars at the party and then when I brought her here I took her jeans off, cause sleeping in jeans sucks you know? I thought I was helping but she’s got them on her legs too and then I saw how skinny she really was. Brought it up in the morning and she yelled at me that she was fine and told me not to say anything about it. So I didn’t, I just tried to be there for her, asking if she was okay, just checking in type stuff. Then the day Nancy and I broke up I went over to check in, I was just wanting to talk about what happened with Nancy and I found her bleeding in the shower. She was pregnant, between the drinking and not eating she made herself miscarry. That’s when it hit...what actually happened at the party. From then I was her go to for everything cause I knew already, I guess that was easier for her than saying it all out loud.”

Steve shrugged and smiled dryly as I clenched my jaw, vibrating with anger. I couldn’t stop the tears that burned at my eyes and started rolling down my cheeks until I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

She was pregnant?

“So she doesn’t eat? Like at all?"

Steve shook his head, his mouth tightening, “I tried when she was staying here, couldn’t get her to have much of anything. She was running a lot too. Even caught her working out in the middle of the night a couple times.”

“Fuck,” I growled, “I..Jesus fucking christ. Why her?”

Steve’s mouth pressed into a thin line, “don’t know man. Don’t know why they picked her, maybe they didn’t, she just was nice enough to accept the drink.”

I shook my head, “but she’s been fucked up since before that, how does someone get that fucked up? And she’s, she’s so fucking nice! How is she still so nice?”

Steve shrugged again, “I’m not sure.. I know I wouldn’t be,” there was a pause before, “hey, Billy?”

“Hmm?”

Steve looked down at the floor quickly before looking back up at me, “where did you find her? Why’d you come here?”

I exhaled a plume of smoke, “out in the forest, by the quarry. We used to go out there to get away from things, took me a while to think about it. Figured you'd been dealing with her already and I can't really bring her to my place.."

–

I spent the night talking with Steve, both of us drowning our feelings in beer until we passed out on the couches in the living room. I woke up with a start when Steve’s phone started ringing loudly and watched him jump up to grab it, still half asleep.

“Ello?” He grumbled.

He blinked hard a few times, trying to clear the fog in his brain before holding the phone out towards me.

“It's for you.”

I rolled off the couch with a groan and walked up to grab the phone from Steve’s hand, raising it to my ear with a mumbled, “what?”

Max’s loud voice rang through my ears, “it’s almost time to go to school, are you coming?”

“Fuck! Yeah, Max, I’ll be right there.”

I scrambled to hang up the phone and rushed around Steve’s house for my jacket and boots, stopping just before opening the door to look at him, “Harrington.”

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and scratched sleepily at his chest, “hmm?”

“If she wakes up, tell her I was here. Tell her I’ll be right back.”

Steve nodded and nestled back into the couch, eyelids already growing heavy, “yeah, sure.”

–

Max was impatiently waiting at the end of the driveway, tapping her hand against her skateboard when I skid to a stop in front of her.

“Sorry!” I exclaimed as she pulled the door open and sat down with a huff, “slept in.”

Max just stared at me, “where’s Cat? You said she was okay.”

I sighed as I drove away from the house, “she’s still sleeping, I think. Steve’s watching her.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Max, I don’t think-”

She turned to glare at me, “tell me what’s wrong with her. I want to know. She’s my friend too.”

I huffed, too tired to argue with her, “it can’t go past you, Max. I’m serious. Don't tell Susan or your little friends. Don’t even tell Cat you know, okay?”

I waited for her to nod before continuing to talk, “Cat was drugged, at a party and..and someone hurt her really bad. She’s been hurting herself since before she moved here but it got worse after that. She hasn’t been eating and she’s been drinking all the time and… and, well, just hurting herself. And you might see how she hurt herself but you can’t say anything about it, okay?”

Max blinked, shocked, “why would someone want to hurt her?”

“Because they’re fucking sick,” I growled.

I was just pulling up to the school when Max asked, “how bad did she hurt herself?”

I had to bite my cheek to stop the tears that sprang forward, “pretty bad, Max. But she’s still here.”

Still alive.

For now.

“Can I come visit her?” She looked up at me, hopeful as I stopped in front of the school.

I smiled tightly, “I think she’d like that, Max. I’ll pick you up, okay? If she’s awake you can visit her.”

“Yeah, okay,” she agreed, “see you after school, Billy.”

–

I got back to Steve’s and passed back out on the couch, trying to sleep off the worst of my hangover. It was around noon when I woke up again to see Steve coming back into the living room with a plate of pancakes.

“Any more of those?” I asked, sitting up from the couch.

Steve nodded, his mouth full and mumbled, “kitchen.”

I got up to get myself a stack of pancakes and came back to flop down on the couch.

“You been up for a while? Where’s the dog?” I asked between bites.

“A little bit,” he mumbled, finishing off his breakfast, “Rocky’s out in the yard. Figured he’d been stuck inside long enough.”

“Has she woken up yet?”

Steve shook his head, frowning, “I haven’t heard or seen her.”

“Should we check on her?”

“I popped in when I woke up, to make sure she was still there. Could probably check on her again now,” he picked nervously at his fingers, “I’m worried about her.”

I sighed, standing up off the couch, “I know. I am too.”

Quietly, I walked into Steve’s bedroom to check on Cat. She was curled up on the side of the bed, one arm outstretched and hanging off the side, the other wrapped around a pillow. I knelt down beside the bed and gently ran a knuckle down the side of her face.

The dark purple around her eyes had faded a bit, making her face look a little less sunken. But she looked flushed now instead.

Her forehead was warm against my lips when I bent to kiss her gently and whispered, “hey, Baby, you gotta wake up for me, okay?”

I heard her stir as I kept talking through the lump in my throat, “you gotta wake up so I can help you, Baby. Max misses you, you gotta wake up and get better for us.”

“B..?” She rasped, eyes fluttering open.

I sat back on my heels to look at her face, a watery smile on my face, “morning.”

She smiled back at me and looked around sleepily, “why..?”

“I brought you to Steve’s place last night. Do you remember last night?”

“Not really,” she mumbled, nestling back into the pillows.

“You wanna get up? Have a shower? It’ll be nice and warm,” I coaxed.

“M sleepy,” she murmured.

“I know, Baby,” I tried to keep coaxing her, keep my voice light and my emotions in check even as my throat tightened, “I know you’re tired, but if we get you cleaned up and you eat something then you can go back to sleep, okay?”

She hummed, eyes closing again, “mmkay.”

I smiled and scooped her up in my arms to carry her to the bathroom, her fingers clutching at my shirt, dipping under it to seek out the warmth of my chest.

I hissed when her icy fingers touched me, “your fingers are fucking freezing.”

Cat nuzzled into my shoulder, humming happily when her nose touched my throat.

“Are you gunna let me put you down so you can shower?”

She shook her head, “no.”

I puffed, a smile trying to pull as I was adjusting her in my arms and walking to the living room where Steve was watching TV.

“Harrington,” I grumbled, “help.”

He looked towards us, eyebrows knit with confusion, “what?”

“Either hold her or start the shower.”

He jumped off the couch to take her from me, shivering when her hands touched him.

“Stevie,” she mumbled, leaning into his neck.

“Jesus,” he groaned, “your hands are like Popsicles."

I chuckled, leading the way back to the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as was tolerable.

“Thanks, Steve,” I said, turning back to take Cat from his arms.

He nodded, “I’ll get some water boiling for drinks and find some clothes for you both.”

Steve left after giving a tight smile. Left me holding a shell of the girl that I had fallen in love with. A stark contrast from the bright, sarcastic girl that caught my eye and my heart. I gently lowered her feet to the ground, keeping an arm around her waist to steady her.

“C'mon,” I muttered, “let’s get you cleaned up.”

Cat nodded as I slipped my hand under Steve's sweater, sliding it up and off her body to fall on the ground. I sucked in my breath when I saw the harsh lines of her collarbone and hips and chewed the inside of my mouth.

They looked so much worse in the light. Harsh angles and deep shadows.

“Cat..” I breathed, running my fingers along her ribs.

She tensed when I wrapped my hand around her side, just under the jut of her rib cage and looked up at me with dewy eyes.

“Hold onto me,” I sighed as I crouched down to take her underwear off.

Cat’s fingers gripped my shoulder tight, nails digging in as I slowly slid them off. When I looked back up at her, her eyes were screwed shut and she was biting her fist as tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Shit,” I whispered, standing back up to pull her into my chest, “Baby, it’s okay. Shh, I got you.”

“I’m sorry,” she cried, “it’s just..”

“I know, Cat. I know, it’s okay,” I murmured into her hair, “c'mon, in the shower, before all the hot waters gone.”

She sniffed and nodded before letting me help her into the tub, sighing when the hot water hit her skin.

“Do you need me?” I asked.

There was a small, whimpering, “yes,” as my answer and I quickly tossed my clothes onto the floor to join her.

I took my time lathering her up from head to toe, gently rubbing her body and planting light kisses on her skin as she cried. Ran my fingers through her soapy hair, tipping her head back into the hot water and running my lips along her jaw.

Tried not to think about the strands of hair twisting through my fingers to fall to the floor of the tub.

The whole thing was so..

Intimate.

Close in a way I’ve never experienced before, in a way that hurt my heart and made it swell at the same time.

I kissed the salt water from her cheeks and held her tight to my chest until she stopped crying. When she was all clean and the hot water was running out I helped her step out of the tub and watched as she slowly wrapped herself in a towel before I quickly washed myself. I turned off the now cool water and stepped out of the shower to grab a towel and wrapped it around my waist.

Outside the door was a small pile of clothes that Steve had brought us. Sweatpants and t shirts for each of us. I helped Cat get dressed first, methodically drying her before pulling the clothes onto her body. She was once again standing in front of me, swimming in Steve’s clothes and I couldn’t help the pang of hurt and guilt that went through my chest when I thought of finding her here, in his clothes before.

Focus.

Can't dwell on that right now.

I quickly dressed myself and wrapped an arm around her, “want me to carry you again?”

Cat nodded, tucking her face into my chest. I bent down to scoop her up and started carrying her to the living room.

“Max misses you, she wants to come see you after school. What do you think?” I asked, trying to coax her into a lighter mood.

She hummed, “maybe...’m tired. Sore."

“I know, Baby. You can sleep a bit more in the living room, okay? Steve made pancakes, you want one?”

I gently set her down on the couch as she shook her head, “not hungry.”

Steve sighed and left the living room in a hurry, retreating to the kitchen with clenched fists.

I knelt down to grab her hands and looked up at her sadly, “Cat, please,” I tried to plead, to somehow get through to her, “please, for me. Just a little bit, okay? You'll feel better and then you can sleep a bit more.”

She didn’t answer, just looked down at our hands and chewed her lip.

Anger spiked.

My jaw ticked, “just. Fucking try,” I growled, ripping my hands away from her to storm out into the backyard before I could start yelling.

Rocky greeted me at the door, pushing his head into my hand for attention. I walked past him, pacing along the side of the pool for a while.

I shouldn't be here. I can't help her.

I'm useless.

Defeated, I sat on one of the chairs that wasn't covered in snow and cradled my face in my hands. Tears poured down my face, hot and angry as my chest started heaving. I heard the door open and close a few minutes later and soft footsteps crunching up behind me.

Steve sat down in a chair beside me, legs tucked up under him and held out my pack of cigarettes, “thought you might want these.”

I took them from him, tapped one out and stuck it between my teeth to light it.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

I stared out at nothing as I smoked, focusing only on the smoke filling my lungs and the burn it left behind.

“I don’t think I can do this,” I finally blurted out.

Steve didn’t look at me, just nodded solemnly, waiting for me to continue.

“I..I don’t..that’s not even her in there!” I pointed towards the house, anger lashing through me, “it’s like whatever made her Cat is gone. THAT is not Cat, THAT is not even a person anymore and I don’t..I don’t fucking know how to fix that! How to bring her back! I can’t sit there and pretend that that’s my girlfriend, this is worse than yesterday even! It’s like she fell asleep and fucking died but her body’s still walking around. She's a zombie, Steve! What the fuck do we do about that? How..?” I crumpled finally, full on crying.

Steve leaned towards me, wrapped one arm around my back and let me cry on his shoulder. I could hear him sniffling too, could feel when he moved to wipe at his face.

“We have to try, Billy,” he murmured, “I don’t know how, I don’t know what will work but we have to try. Try to just put on a brave face and be as positive as we can, just try to build her back up. That’s all we can do.”

I huffed, sitting back up, “I don’t think I can, she deserves someone better than me. Someone less angry than me. Someone who doesn’t want to shake her and scream at her.”

A puff of air rushed out of Steve’s nose, “I wanna do that too. Scream in her face and see if I can pull her out of her head. You have no idea, man, how fucking angry I am. But we’re it for her, the only support she has. So we need to get a grip and get back inside and just love her and hope that we can get her back.”

@charmed-asylum

#billy hargrove #stranger things #fanfic #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #billy hargrove fic #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington #billy hargrove fanfic #fanfiction

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kbstories · 4 years

Text

Axiomatic

ax·i·om·at·ic (adj.) Self-evident; unquestionable.

The best part of battle is the afterparty.

(Or: Kidd wears a fur coat, Killer is thirsty. Zoro is there until he isn’t.)

Tags: Established Relationship, Drinking, Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, It’s a PWP what can I say?

Read Chapter 1 here. Post-Wano setting. Content warning for mentions of Body Dysmorphia (relating to Killer).

***

Killer is drunk.

Technically he’s tipsy and on-his-way-to-drunk. There’s a bottle of sake in his hand, half-full or half-empty depending where his head is in a given moment. The straw between his lips is growing brittle, already frayed at the edge – he’s been toying with it rather than drinking for a while now, distracted by the feast running its course below.

With his ass firmly planted on the stone weight of one of the roofs – the inn’s, perhaps? Killer can’t recall why he got up here, much less which house it is – he’s got a view over all of Okobore Town, from where the outskirts are swallowed by the Wasteland to the pitiful square still lit by the bonfire’s embers. Whoever’s in charge of feeding the flames has obviously left their post or followed the siren song of free booze. They wouldn’t be the first to do so, the streets littered with those passed out or making out or both, somehow.

It reminds Killer a little of home. Well, the place they used to call home, him and Kidd, a town so small it isn’t really worth considering it one. Nothing more than the scrapyard of the bustling capital right next door with the people to match: Too poor to live, too stubborn to die and so they got carried along, forgotten by history.

Same bullshit, different island, Killer muses via the wisdom of too much sake in his blood. Different ocean altogether, and there’s no fondness in that.

Home isn’t a place for Killer but a feeling, the one he gets with full sails fluttering above and Kidd up front, hair wild in the wind.

Freedom’s a fickle thing, as quickly lost as it is gained with how complacent the masses tend to get. At sea it’s just them and their ship against the elements, life and death a matter of seeing the storm coming and having the guts to spit in its face.

Alone on that roof, Killer grins around the straw. That’s the shit worth living for, day after day after day.

Down there is Kidd, the red flash of his hair one Killer seeks out by sheer habit; his silhouette against the dying bonfire is imposing, that ridiculous coat hanging big and imperial off his shoulders. If he focuses, Killer could probably make out what he’s yelling about with… Strawhat’s navigator? Killer squints, infusing his sight with Haki where the dark and the holes in his mask fail him.

Yeah, that’s Nami. She says something, hands on expensive fur. She’s grinning, innocent and cunning all at once and that’s why they call her a cat, huh?

Killer considers cranking up the audio sensitivity on his helmet. Considers it, and tosses the thought right out the metaphorical window. Kidd’s a big boy, he can defend his precious coat from a thief. Nami, presumably, also knows what she’s getting into, poking the bear like that.

A long sip of sake later and Killer nods to himself. A good, rational choice.

His bottle is decidedly past half-empty when Roronoa Zoro finds him. Killer is not surprised, has felt him wandering around for a while now – there are two bottles of sake in his hands, his gait utterly steady despite the rosy tinge to his cheeks.

A heavy drinker, Killer’s heard that. He polishes off his drink to gesture to one of Zoro’s.

“You’ve got good timing, Pirate Hunter.”

“Who says it’s for you?”, Zoro asks with a snort, and gives him the second bottle anyways. When he sits, he does so with the kind of controlled grace many of Wano’s people wield, that flawless rigidity speaking of a life of discipline.

The way he drinks is the exact opposite of that. Interesting.

Killer concentrates on getting the straw through the narrow neck of the pitcher for a moment. The first sip proves it’s decent stuff; Killer’s mouth shapes itself around a pleased hum.

“You ever think about why the Marines call us what they do?”

It certainly makes Killer pause. Zoro doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to dabble in meaningless small talk – then again, what does Killer know? He turns his head to be able to see the look on Zoro’s face, watches the man nurse his sake with a pensive expression.

“‘Pirate Hunter’… Been a pirate longer than I was hunting ‘em. They could get the hint, y’know.”

They’re doing this, then. Pretending they weren’t at each other’s throats a mere week or two ago, like Zoro didn’t witness the side of Killer he loathes enough to hide it, always.

Fine. Killer can roll with that. “Which would you prefer? ‘Demon of the East Blue’?”

Zoro laughs and it’s so easy for him. “Now that’s one I haven’t heard in a while. You’ve been snooping, huh?”

“Sure as fuck not going into an alliance blind”, says Killer and it’s a bit pointed, a bit of a warning. They came back from war mere days ago but there’s room for blood when it comes to protecting their own.

“Mh. Wonder what that’s like.”

… Right. The guy’s the right hand of Strawhat Luffy, after all.

They drink, and Killer watches his captain. “The Marines don’t know shit, anyways.” A low hum to his side, prompting. Agreeing, perhaps. “Incompetent bastards thought I was the one to look out for when we made ourselves known, back in South Blue.”

“So ‘Massacre Soldier’ was, what, a misunderstanding?”

That makes Killer chuckle, a low ff ff ff sound. “Nah. Just that Kidd’s worse.”

“Ah.”

And it seems whatever else Zoro wants to add to that will have to wait. Even from afar Killer can feel it when Kidd’s eyes land on him and he sighs. “Speak of the devil. You might wanna get out of here.”

The sake stops on its way to Zoro’s mouth. “Huh?”

“Just giving you a fair warning, ’s all. Kidd kinda hates your guts over the whole”, a vague gesture to his own chest, “thing. He likes to keep grudges.”

“… Huh?”

Killer shrugs. It’s too late anyways. “Here he comes.”

“Hey! You!”

It doesn’t matter if he’s tipsy or drunk or whatever: Wrangling Kidd is something Killer grew up doing, and he stares him down now as Kidd pulls himself towards them by the metal in Killer’s mask. Hands up, no hesitation – Killer catches Kidd by the scruff of his coat, an arm winding around Kidd’s waist with enough strength to crush a smaller man and barely enough to drag this particular fool away.

To his credit, Zoro stays exactly where he is, his face blooming into something strangely close to delight. “Hah! You weren’t kidding.”

“Never am”, Killer tells him. He’s wheezing a little with how hard Kidd is struggling against his grip. “Captain! Fucking hell, you promised.”

“Didn’t promise shit”, Kidd hisses, a distinct slur to his words that Killer recognizes without trouble. Wasted indeed. “Roronoa! Hands off my partner!”

Zoro laughs – not the best of moves, Killer thinks with a wince – until his swords start vibrating. The smile drops real fast, then, becoming more of a tense smirk as he grabs on to that white katana of his.

“Oi, Spikey. Play nice now.”

All Kidd does is redouble his efforts, a whirlwind of bulging muscle in Killer’s arms and oh, Killer has had it. He presses his face against Kidd’s neck, his mouth only an inch or two away from his ear where they’re separated by Killer’s mask.

“Eustass fucking Kidd”, he growls. “Stop it or I will end you.”

Wasted or not, a shudder goes through his partner at that. It always does when Killer says his name like that. Killer knows, whatever happens now:

They both have a long night ahead of them.

Frantic hands, gasps of breath, lipstick smeared beyond hope between one kiss and the next. A moan, quiet against the sounds of belts being undone.

Killer pushes Kidd, gaze on him and only him as he bounces a little on the bed – their bed – and stares up at Killer. Eyes red as dusk, shining with the feral grin on his lips.

Killer gets on his knees for Kidd, always for him, and even if his blood wasn’t a-buzz with residue anger and alcohol, the way Kidd says “Fuck, Killer, yes” would get him there for sure. Trembling with it, Killer’s fingers hook into the waistband of Kidd’s pants to pull him closer, just where he wants him.

Kidd’s boots land on solid ground with a wooden thud. Legs splayed and Killer in the middle.

“You always have to make a mess”, Killer tells him, holds him down with one hand and the other working on his fly, “always so reckless”, and fuck, Kidd’s hard already. Hot and velvet-smooth in Killer’s palm and Killer forgets about chewing him out, for a moment.

It’s been weeks. Weeks since they’ve had time for this, hell, since Killer could even think about needing Kidd beyond the comfort his mere presence brings. With that infernal smile on his lips and his lungs clenching around the need to laugh, nothing would’ve come of it anyways.

Killer leans over and breathes Kidd in, gives him a gentle kiss, over the delicate vein that throbs under his lips. “We’re not done”, he lets him know, voice having lost most of its edge; Kidd laughs, runs a hand through the messy bangs falling into Killer’s eyes.

“I sure hope not. C’mon, don’t–”

Whatever Killer isn’t supposed to do gets lost in a moan. Kidd is big in Killer’s mouth, big and so familiar and Killer feels Kidd’s fingers tighten where they make a desperate grab for his hair. It makes him groan around the cock sliding over his tongue, again as he swallows around him and Kidd’s thighs jolt under the weight pinning them down.

Kidd is loud, it’s who he is, but there’s something about the cut-off calls of Killer’s name that gets to him. That makes him throw any sense of taking things slow to the wind and suck cock like he means it, lids fluttering shut and painted lips wide as he takes his captain as far down as he can get him without choking.

It’s been a while and it feels so good.

“Just like that, K. Keep goin’ just like that, don’t stop, fuck–”

And Killer feels his muscles shift under his hand, fingers splayed across Kidd’s abs straining with the need to move. Later, he might let him – can feel his own cock ache in too-tight jeans with the thought of Kidd holding him down and using him until he’s sated.

For now, he wants to get Kidd off, to hear his voice crack as it only does when he’s trembling on that edge.

It doesn’t take long at all, Killer’s lips and tongue and mouth dragging him there with no mercy for how breathless Kidd gets. “Kil”, Kidd gasps a warning; Killer hums, pulls off to catch the tip between his lips and jack him off the rest of the way, his hand easily gliding over spit-slick skin–

Kidd comes just like that, spilling into Killer’s mouth in twitching spurts. Given the garbage Kidd calls a diet he doesn’t taste the best but it’s Kidd, it’s the man Killer has hardwired his brain to adore no matter what. Killer moans softly, reaches down to rub himself as Kidd’s fingers release their death grip and sort of… pet him instead.

“Fuck me, darling, next time I’m horny I’ll just piss you off on purpose.”

Wiping his mouth, Killer huffs, “You already do that”, follows the trail of red leading up to Kidd’s navel with his lips. “You’re insufferable.” Licks along the valleys of his ripped stomach to kiss away the sweat gathering in the scar bisecting his pecs. “And we’re not done.”

Kidd rumbles a groan, pulls Killer into an open-mouthed kiss. The cold touch of metal worms its way under Killer’s shirt, in stark contrast to the need in Killer’s veins. It makes him shiver. “Kidd”, whispers Killer into that filthy kiss and it sounds like please, like more.

“Mh, I got you. Take this off, baby, let me see you.”

A demanding tug to Killer’s jeans. Killer doesn’t think twice about it: It’s a relief to get rid of them, the fabric starting to cling to his legs with how hot he’s running, and Killer throws off his boots and shirt to places unknown while he’s at it. Rolls his shoulders where they’re still a bit stiff from carrying his scythes all day.

Kidd is watching him, a hand on his own cock even if it won’t get hard quite yet. Leaning back in a sea of fur with the effortless grace of a king and the look of arrogant expectation to match. Killer meets it as he ties his hair into a loose knot to get it somewhat out of the way, nodding at him.

“You too. Or do you want me to tear ‘em off of you?”

How dark Kidd’s eyes can get. Those are his favorite pants though – Killer decides to be nice about it, unties Kidd’s boots enough for him to kick them off and save the rest of his clothes from an untimely demise.

Well, most of them. When Kidd makes to shrug off the coat Killer stops him. “Keep it.” His hands are on those suede-clad shoulders he’s been salivating over for hours now. “Keep the fur, Kidd”, an order he has no right to give, fingers clawed as they burrow between that softness and a heat that’s all Kidd.

It gets a look of genuine surprise out of Kidd. That, along with a pleased smile, closed-lipped. “Like it that much, do ya?”

Killer hums, “It’s soft”, kisses him, hides his own smile against demanding lips and the warning bite of teeth. “Makes me want to fuck you on it. Got a problem with that?”

“Shit, you kidding? Let’s ruin it.”

As much as he’s an impudent little shit anywhere else, here, coming alive under Killer, Kidd is all eager compliance and greedy hands across Killer’s back; it shouldn’t be as addicting as it is, the notion that this – the needy panting in his ear, the flush high in Kidd’s cheeks and spilling down to his chest – is all Killer’s. Only his, nobody else’s.

Killer slows down, then. Once Kidd has scrambled for the slick they keep around and Killer’s got his hands warmed up, he takes his time. Pushes one of Kidd’s legs to the side, keeps him there while he stretches Kidd finger by finger and fuck, he’s tight, clenching impatiently where Killer pushes in knuckle-deep.

“You’re killing me”, Kidd says, whines really, easily worked up by the twist of Killer’s fingers in him. Kidd’s prosthetic clings to Killer’s shoulder, his other hand in his own hair and tugging. “I’m ready, just – get in there!”

Killer is willing to rush a lot. Not this, though, never this.

“Shut up and relax”, he grumbles but he kisses Kidd, too, along the jagged edges of the scar down his face and his neck to suck on his clavicle. Kidd moans shamelessly, hips bucking into Killer’s curling fingers as he adds another.

Seeking that burning stretch before Killer can stop him. Killer curses, pulls out.

“Don’t complain later. You wanted this.”

Kidd tosses his head back into the covers and laughs. “Yesss. Fuck me, c’mon.”

Smug asshole. More slick, dripping from Killer’s cock to the fur below. The glide of his hand as he spreads it is already a lot, the sight of Kidd’s muscular neck bared and vulnerable hitting Killer somewhere instinctive, primal.

Deep down, Killer doesn’t want to wait either. He props himself up on one elbow, a mere inch or two separating their faces – and he stares at Kidd when he guides himself inside. At the way his mouth goes a little slack with it, the flare of his nose at the threadbare breath that follows.

“Good”, Killer tells him, catches Kidd’s gaze that’s barely past half-lidded. Licks over his bottom lip and kisses him, chaste as to not distract him from that first, long thrust.

“Doing so well, Kidd, almost there.”

Kidd feels sinful around him, warm and fluttering with tension that melts under the gentle thrusts Killer opens him up with. Leaning up to nip at Killer’s beard, his chin, and Killer indulges him, pushes his tongue into his mouth, slowly, languidly. Swallowing the soft noises Kidd makes as Killer hoists him up higher in his lap, Killer’s knees sliding apart in sleek fur.

He fucks him just like that, arms steady around Kidd and locking him in place when Killer finds a pace he can keep up for a while. Kidd fights it at first, he always does, not the kind of man to lie there and take it – Killer nuzzles his jaw, “It’s okay, let go, let go”, words that he knows Kidd needs to hear, cocky as he may act. Kidd’s breath shudders out of him and he does, finally relenting against the angle that makes him come undone each and every time.

Letting Killer sink in to the hilt and he groans, bites at Kidd’s throat and the pulse thundering there. “Good, so good for me.”

He rocks them both, hard enough to make Kidd shift against the fur. Kidd’s legs tighten where they’re tangled with Killer’s and he whimpers, far enough out of his head not to care what he sounds like anymore. A sound that burns in Killer’s gut, his chest, mouth open and panting over Kidd’s skin as he does it again and again and again.

It’s Kidd’s fingers going for the bundle of Killer’s hair and holding on; the feeling of Kidd’s prosthetic drawing red, stinging lines down the length of Killer’s back. “Kidd”, Killer mutters, demands, “Kidd–”

Kidd pulls at blonde strands coming loose, hard. “Whatever you want, K. Whatever you want, please–”

Voice gone, hoarse with the things Killer is doing to him.

Something in Killer snaps. The coat is torn open: Killer hears some of the seams pop in some places and he doesn’t care, mind and soul focused on turning Kidd around and getting him on his hands and knees.

“Fuck”, Kidd half-gasps, half-moans, “fuck–”

Then Killer is inside him again, sweating skin slapping against sweating skin, and his lips trace the shivers racing up Kidd’s spine, the faint freckles dotting Kidd’s shoulders. Kidd, Kidd, Kidd, his senses sharp as knives and hands roaming over what’s his, all his.

Whatever sounds Kidd is making, they are beyond words as he drops to his elbows and bends his back, pushing back into every hard shove of Killer’s hips. Killer moans, loud and breathless – feels Kidd clench around him and he gets a hand on Kidd’s cock, hard and leaking all over the coat, that fucking coat.

For the second time Kidd’s voice trembles, breaks apart on a high ah! as Killer squeezes him tight, so tight. Kidd comes around a choked noise and Killer keeps fucking him, his own peak tantalizingly in reach, not quite–

Kidd goes utterly boneless but there’s determination in the sliver of his eyes, the rasp of “keep goin’, want to feel ya”, and Killer grabs onto his hair just to tilt his head to the side and kiss him.

Over and over Killer takes him, covering Kidd with his bulk and it melts his brain, how Kidd just lets him. How Killer doesn’t have to hold back with him, going as deep as he possibly can and barely coming up for air until he loses himself in it, in Kidd.

Shaking apart above him, head bowed against the nape of Kidd’s neck. Killer rolls the last few thrusts just to feel how slick Kidd is, how well he takes him like this.

After that: A head full of static, numb limbs, cooling sweat.

“Hey, Kil.”

It’s Kidd’s voice that guides him back, “You there?”, the gentle motions of Kidd’s hand brushing the tie out of Killer’s hair and letting it fall around them. Killer pushes into that touch, humming. So comfortable.

“Babe, I kinda need to breathe here.”

Killer laughs and it’s fine like that, low and muffled against Kidd’s neck. “That so?”, he mumbles but he gets the hint, pushing himself to the side with a tired groan.

“Mmh. My head’s all fuzzy.”

“Yeah?” A hand slaps down on Killer’s chest, rough knuckles rubbing over the half-healed wound there. “From drinking or from fucking me to oblivion?”

Ff ff ff, Killer makes. He feels so light.

“Both, probably.”

Yeah, Killer is allowed a little smugness, too: Kidd’s hair is all mussed, lips red from kissing, neck covered in fresh, rose-colored bruises. Well used and looking like he doesn’t plan on moving even if the Punk’s cannons started firing around them.

Definitely worth slaying the coat over, Killer decides.

Still, when Killer takes Kidd’s hand in his, it’s all tenderness. Killer’s thumb brushes over Kidd’s knuckles, the same spot he presses a soft kiss to. Kidd lets him, squeezing back.

Their fingers entangle without really having to think about it, years of partnership in a single touch; and with the Punk's gentle sway all around them, they allow themselves to drift.

#one piece #eustass kid #killer one piece #kidkiller #one piece fanfiction #fanfiction #this is ns//fw (i just can't tag it properly 'cause tumblr)#this fic is also on AO3!!#my stuff #one piece spoilers

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genogenocrazycatman · 3 years

Text

After Party - Finn Balor x OC

After Party (Sequel to Milkshake) [Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.Net]

Progress: 1/1

Characters: Original Female Character, Finn Balor

“No problem,” he said. “I hope it’s nothing.”

No doubt Sami was having flashbacks to his own injury.

“Me too.”

Sami took his leave and I kept cleaning off paint.

“I hope it’s nothing too.”

“But what if it’s not?” He picked up the belt. “I’ve worked my arse off for years to get here. I’m finally on top. It can’t be over, before it begins.”

***

Body painting is for as artistic as it is, is also a very technical thing. You have to know how certain things work and how they react. In addition to knowing how to make things flow on the body, you also have to know where the skin creases, where the most oil is produce, how the muscles move under the skin and how it would distort the image.

This attention to detail doesn’t just go away, when you stop painting. I noticed it all the time, watching Fergal in the ring, watching him sip his coffee, while he was asleep, the way his muscles rippled and skin stretched. By this point no one knew Fergal’s body better than me, so when I saw him hit the barricade, I knew something was wrong.

“Oh shit!” I swore, watching Fergal popping his shoulder in place.

“What?” Bayley asked.

“He dislocated his shoulder.”

“What?”

“His shoulder just popped out.”

“How can you tell?”

“Bayley, I spend more time examining that man’s body in more detail than anyone else. Trust me.”

She scrunched her nose up. “Ew.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Well it looks like he’s going to keep going, so it can’t be too bad,” she said, trying to soothe me.

I didn’t say anything. I just watched on, worrying. He was performing well, but every once in a while I would catch him wince. He powered through and though it felt like an eternity to me, he finally hit the coup de grace, and pinned Rollins.

One. Two. Three.

I let out a sigh of relief. He made it. Now I didn’t have to worry about him making anything worse.

Bayley shot up out of her seat and started jumping up and down, squealing with excitement. She pulled me up and into a hug. “Lucy,” she said. “Your boyfriend just won the WWE universal title. Be happy. Be excited. The last thing he wants is to come back here and for you to be all gloom and doom.”

Bayle was right. The last thing I wanted to be was Debbie Downer.

“I’m just nervous.”

“You can be nervous later. Be happy now.”

I allowed her to drag me to gorilla. We lined up with Enzo, Cass, Kevin and Sami, who were all waiting to greet the new champ.

Seth came through first and was commended on his performance. A few minutes later, Fergal walked through the curtain and we all applauded.

He was smiling, teeth sticking out against the black paint. I felt myself swell with pride and joy. He had earned this. He deserved this. This was everything that he had ever wanted.

Hunter greeted him first, congratulating him and posing for the obligatory pictures. Vince was next and Hunter came down to where the rest of us were standing. “Your boy did good,” he said.

I nodded in agreement. “Yeah, he did.”

“And he looked good too. You do amazing work.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

“The paint must really do something,” Vince said to Fergal. “You were unbelievable out there. Good work, son. Congratulations.”

“Thank you, sir. The paint brings out the best in me,” Fergal replied, glancing at me.

He was congratulated by Kevin, then Sami, then Zo and Cass. Bayley gave him a hug, not caring about the pain, and then finally he stood in front of me.

“Hey, Champ,” I greeted.

“Been a while since you called me that,” he said with a soft chuckle.

“It has,” I agreed. “How’s it feel?”

“Fucking amazing.”

I shook my head and smiled, before pulling him down to my level to kiss him.

“Congratulations, Champ,” I whispered after we parted.

He gave me a one arm hug, still shouldering the title and pressed his lips to my temple.

“Go be a champ, Champ. I’ll meet back up with you later.”

With one last squeeze, he released me.

I met back up with Bayley and we dug a package of makeup wipes out of my kit to clean ourselves up. Once that was done, I went to finish packing everything up.

“I hope everything’s okay,” Bayley said, before leaving.

Once everything was packed up and tossed in the back of my rental, I headed to the trainer’s room, where sure enough, Fergal was sitting arm in a sling.

“So how bad is it?” I asked.

“Which one of them told you?” he asked.

I snorted. “No one had to tell me. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m quite fond of your body, and I like to think that no one knows it better than me.”

“Oh I haven’t forgotten.”

I smirked.

He had showered, but there were still some spot of paint that he had obviously missed. I was still toting around makeup wipes, since this was a regular occurrence. I pulled one out and gently wiped away at one of the spots.

“We don’t know how bad it is yet. We have to go to the hospital for a MRI.”

“Are we going now?”

He nodded. “Doc’s getting everything that we need together.”

“Do you want me to pack up your stuff?” I asked.

I had no problem marching into the men’s locker room. I didn’t care.

“A step ahead of you, Lucy,” Sami said, wheeling Fergal’s bag into the room.

“Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” he said. “I hope it’s nothing.”

No doubt Sami was having flashbacks to his own injury.

“Me too.”

Sami took his leave and I kept cleaning off paint.

“I hope it’s nothing too.”

“But what if it’s not?” He picked up the belt. “I’ve worked my arse off for years to get here. I’m finally on top. It can’t be over, before it begins.”

“We don’t know if it’s over,” I said.

“You would, if you could feel this right now.”

I had been standing between his legs, which were dangling off the edge of the cot. I held his face, forcing him to look at me. “If you’re gonna be out, you’re gonna be out. We can’t change that now. It just means that you’re gonna have to work a little hard for a little while longer. This is not the end of the world. You get fixed up, rehab it, and once your back in peak demon form, you win that title back.”

“And on the bright side, while this is the worst possible timing, it’s also the best possible timing,” I continued. “You have your parent’s here to help out now, and you have me every step of the way.

Fergal took the makeup wipe out of my hands, and set it down beside him. Using his good arm, he pulled me close, wrapping that arm around my waist and brought his lips down to mine.

“Thank you, Cin.”

“Anything for you, Ferg.”

“You’re just happy we don’t have to go to the after party,” he teased.

I rolled my eyes. I had been complaining about the after party, since I realized that I as his girlfriend and a WWE employee had some obligation to go. It was well established that it wasn’t my scene, and that I much preferred to do something low key. However, given the circumstances I would’ve much rather put up with a bunch of obnoxious drunk people.

“Then again, the hotel doesn’t make milkshakes.”

“I’m sure I can figure something out,” I said, knowing damn well that there was a convenience store connected to the hotel lobby. “Once you’re checked out, we can have our own after party. I can eat a milkshake and you can be sleeping soundly thanks to whatever they dope you up with.”

“A real wild pair we are.”

***

Milkshake

***

Master List | Mobile Version

#teroin writes #wwe #finn balor #fanfiction #finn balor fanfic #finn balor fanfiction #finn balor x oc

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night-dragon937 · 4 years

Text

I need to share my experience from a few hours ago (writing this at 2 am aug 24 2020) yesterday but first I'm going to slap a huge tw: abuse, Christianity/gay stuff, anxiety attacks, and yelling/screaming, transphobia/homophobia, self harm/cutting and a lot of cussing/swearing onto this. Like this is deeply religious and I'd rather not have discourse on my beliefs.

That should cover it...

Okay so it started out fine, my mom and i were just talking. She was drunk, and attempting to convince me that my asexuality meant that i was straight... But since she was drunk, I'mma give her that. There was a lot of aphobia but that's not what this is about She started telling me about her experience, and best i can describe it, she's a closeted demisexual biromantic lady with a preference for girls and a shit ton of internalized homophobia ("being sexually attracted to women's bodies more than men's doesn't make me lesbian, I'm still straight")

It was a mostly civil conversation, but it was adding onto my bad feelings from my dad the past several weeks making snide hurtful remarks about our religion and my sexuality and gender. Also using the f-slur against me when i had explained to him in the past how badly that word hurts me, to which he apologized profusely and said he'd never have used that word if he knew how it affected me. Obviously a lie, because he's still using it with full knowledge of the effects.

Back to my mom. She started getting into the religious side of it, but we managed to keep it civil, until the very end when she said she'd be praying for me and i said I'd be praying to help figure out who exactly i am, and she remarked "make sure you're praying to the right person" with a really threatening tone to her voice. At that point, i lost it, let her know that her saying that made me want to go back to cutting (in case she wasn't aware) and said that i needed a moment alone (or something along those lines, i was thrown head first into an anxiety attack and can't quite remember very well).

I ran upstairs as she tried to grab me and pull me back, but i managed to make it to my room. I went into a fetal position, because safe, but she came in and all i remember is her screaming repeating some question, i think, at me, me not being able to breathe, her hands squeezing my wrists way too tight, my wrist pinned to the carpet with her knee, the other with her hand as she tried to grab my jaw and force me to look at her.

Her touching me made the attack worse (hours later i still have marks and scratches) and i couldn't talk, think, or breathe. Somehow i was able to choke out repeated pleas for her to stop touching me because it was making everything worse. I don't know how long that lasted. But at some point she stopped grabbing me and just placed her hands on me and started praying in tongues. Like i was fucking demon possessed. Because i had an anxiety attack. Which my parents have been triggering in me for as long as i can remember.

I managed to sit up and get her to stop touching me, but she refused to be less than a foot away from me, even though i was going through a sensory overload and needed personal space. She finally trapped me into a corner of my room and put her arms on either side of me, one of them holding the door closed. She was screaming in my face and i was yelling over her, asking her to give me personal space and stop being so loud so that i could calm down, which she refused. I ended up very trapped and very uncomfortable and doing my best to not have another anxiety attack while replying to the most outlandish of her accusations, but mostly keeping my mouth shut in an attempt to get her to do the same.

She kept using my deadname, like usual, but it was worse for me for some reason at this point. I mentioned that and got yelled at more. I mentioned her pinning my wrists to the ground and got called a liar and she tried to make it so that i couldn't leave and grab a Kleenex until i admitted she was right and that i pinned myself to the ground (???). So i just started describing what i remembered until she got sick of it and let me go wipe my nose. She must have closed my door when she first came in. My dad (stepdad) was standing outside the door, eavesdropping, apparently.

I got a Kleenex but then my mom started yelling at me again, but i mostly just pretended to listen because i didn't want to have another anxiety attack. My dad started piping in and making me feel so much worse. He ended with saying "you're not a Christian. You don't believe in God. Even the devil believes in God." (Implying that I'm worse than the devil). At which point i started breaking down crying. And then i ran outside to have another anxiety attack but this time my mom just stood on the porch because the grass was wet and she was barefoot, but i curled up under the stars for who knows how long as i forced myself to do breathing techniques, and stim by rubbing the wet grass, which really helped ground me.

I went back inside when i was feeling better and got a drink of water and a Kleenex. And they started telling me how much they loved me and that i might not see it, but they were doing this out of love, because they were concerned for my eternity. I kept pointing out things they were doing that hurt me and better ways to do it (constructive criticism, so they know what's bad for me) and they repeatedly told me how much worse they could make it for me and that i should be glad they didn't make it worse. I pointed out that this didn't make their actions better and they said "doesn't make them wrong, either." Which ????? Victim blaming, abuse, what?

I brought up the times I've cried out to God for answers and the few times He's responded, (refusing my request for Him to kill me, telling me I'm not going to Hell for being gay/queer) bc they kept bringing up a few dubiously translated verses of the Bible and they told me that i was listening to the wrong person. That i was worshipping the wrong one. They heavily implied that i pray and worship the devil (disclaimer: i don't judge those who do, that's your life, I'm not gonna try and decide it for you, also i can admit that the church of Satan makes valid points and treats people right, from what I've seen, this is just a huge insult for them to throw at me specifically because of what I've been taught my whole life). Also invalidating my whole experience just because they don't like it.

They keep bringing up me being involved in the community (following queer people on social media, having one queer shirt, going to gsa-which they told me I'm not allowed to be a part of anymore-, having queer friends) as me seeking validation and attention, and that i shouldn't need validation and it shouldn't be about validation if I really think that this is who i am. Aka, because i am human and seek human things, i must be a total fake and fraud about all I've told them (very little). Meanwhile they do the exact same thing with their friends and social media and each other and everything.

My dad kept piping up with totally unrelated, totally unhelpful comments and tangents while my mom recited the same 5 min spiel for at least half an hour. My dad was saying how my grandparents aren't actually Christians because they agree with me that the world isn't black and white and there are some shades of gray, and because they believe once saved, always saved. That there is nothing you can do, as an imperfect human, to remove yourself from the infinite and unconscious love of God. (... I can't believe he fucking believes that humans have the ability to overrule God because it makes it easier for him to blame and condemn people he sees...)

These are the grandparents who have loved me regardless of my sexuality and gender, even tho they don't agree, and made me feel loved and gave me a place to go when i need to escape from my parents. They're the reason I'm keeping my mom's maiden name (since it hasn't been legally changed) because it's their last name, and it's them i want to honor, not my abusive shitty hateful stepdad. Unfortunately they are moving into assisted living because my papa is in a wheelchair, so i can't move in with them.

He ended that tangent with repeatedly telling me that i was not saved. That i was not a Christian. That i didn't believe in God. And that i was going to Hell. Repeatedly.

My mom made me hug her and made me tell her i love her. I ended up exercising to stop myself from becoming suicidal. I don't know if I'll tell anyone irl apart from the one irl friend i have on here. I'm not sure if I'm going to tell my therapist or not. I reached out to two of my christian friends after everything but they were both asleep. I needed to write this all down and put it somewhere public, just to be safe. I'm not safe in my own home and i can't move out because I'm a. Under 18 and b. Broke as hell

There was a lot more that happened, this lasted several hours, but i honestly can't remember all of the details besides what i typed out. Anyway so yeah i kinda wish i were dead but i also wanna stay alive for spite and show them that i can be a fabulous queer Christian and that the world is colorful, and you can't reduce that to monochrome and expect to have an even partially accurate view of the world. I want to help others like me, and help them feel better about myself.

I'm setting this as a queue so that if my parents take my phone away, they can't stop me from posting it (they have no clue how to look at queued posts) and also so that i can go to bed now and look at it again later and edit it

#tw abuse mention #blog post #tw yelling #tw transphobes #tw homophobes #tw cussing #tw cursing #tw swearing #tw anxiety attacks #tw christianity #tw self harm #tw cutting #rant tw #tw rant #long post

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fallen029 · 4 years

Text

Tricky

The kitchen counter was littered with a concoction of assorted ingredients and cooking utensils, enough so that just looking at it gave the Slayer a headache. It was as he stood there, staring in a bit of disbelief at the mess that had befallen his poor kitchen in what felt like no time at all, that a frown began to tug at his features. He growled then, just a bit, as he finally found the exact word he wanted to fall from his mouth.

"Demon," he whispered hotly, but it was loud enough, apparently, for the woman to hear over her own humming.

It was her, of course, the demon Mirajane, who saw it fit to destroy his kitchen in such a way. She stood there, in one of her standard dresses, happily bent over the stove only moments before, but did look back at him then with one of those bright grins of hers.

"Dragon," she tried to growl back, but to came out as a laugh and, just as quickly, she was turning back to the pot she was stirring. "Finally decide to get up, sleepyhead?"

"What are you doing, woman?" he questioned in the most unwelcoming of ways. "Huh? A man shouldn't have to worry about waking up to a disaster zone just because... Why are you here, exactly?"

"Well," she began with something of a sigh, "as you know, there's gonna be a big party at the hall tonight. You know, to celebrate the start of spring?"

"Since when is that a thing?"

"Since I made it one."

Of course.

"And," the woman was going on as, abandoning the pot, she went over to start chopping some vegetables on the counter top, "there's not really enough space in the guildhall kitchen for me to get the beginning preparations ready because, well, you know, Kinana is already so busy making breakfast and lunch orders, so I needed to get the early prep stuff started somewhere else."

"You ever try your own damn house?"

"I did," she offered with a nod."But my kitchen is just so small and, well, my house is really, especially with Elf and Lisanna lurking around too, so-"

"So," the Slayer finished for her, "you decided to break into my place and wreck my kitchen instead."

"It's not breaking if you have a key."

"Tell it to the constable."

"Awe, dragon, I know you've been laid up recently, but it's super cute that you have to rely on the city patrol for protection."

This finally seemed to draw real ire out of the man as, instead of making an off-handed remark, he literally turned away from her, a sour look replacing his put on annoyance. It hadn't been a good time for him, was all, recently. He'd gotten hurt out on a job and, well, he was taking some time to recuperate and train up before going back out again. The Thunder Legion, the best publicists a guy could ask for, played this up for the man to others, claiming his hiatus and seclusion just showed how clearly superior he was to the rest of them. Yes. Obviously. He had enough jewels to take a few months away from work while their pathetic, lowly mage selves couldn't scrape together enough jewels to survive a rough week.

Still, Laxus knew, obviously, the real reason that he was hiding out in his apartment, wasting his days away. Before, in the earlier ones, it was to hardly get out of bed, far too laid up for much else, but as he was feeling a bit better now, he mostly brooded around the apartment. When she wasn't working, which wasn't often, he could expect the demon to drop by, ever the doting girlfriend, and he was usually welcoming of this.

Usually.

When he'd first noticed her presence, only a few minutes before, it had been with groggy recognition of not being alone. Rather than panic, however, as the woman's scent hit his nose, he was intrigued originally. He didn't know her to be off that day and, well, if she was showing up to spend time with him, that was a welcome surprise. But after shoving out of bed and stumbling into the kitchen, he hadn't found her scrambling him up some eggs or frying some bacon. Rather, he'd stumbled upon this nonsense and, well, he couldn't exactly say he was surprised, but he also wasn't too pleased.

That had more to do with the fact she was teasing him though.

"Oh, Lax," Mirajane sighed when she took in the man's sour expression. "I was just kidding. You know that if you need someone to protect you, I'm always available."

"No one," he told her crossly, "needs to protect me."

"You...have bodyguards though. I mean-"

"Shuddup." Sulking, he came further into the kitchen. "And we're going to be going over personal boundaries."

"If it's that big of a deal," she told him with a frown over her shoulder, "then I'll just leave. Is that what you want?"

"No." He slammed down into a chair at the kitchen table then, glaring at her as he said, "But you're going to make me breakfast."

"Oh, I am?"

"Yeah," he told her icily. "You are."

Laxus wasn't sure why he didn't realize this would result in cold, soggy, bland cereal, but then again, he never claimed to be omniscient.

Things felt rather tense, which was rare between the two of them. While he was prone to disgruntled rants, it was rare for her to respond with anything other than her typical pleasantries. When she was equally as angry at him, they could have a stalemate for hours.

But that was the thing. Mirajane, the demon, she could live with it. Him being upset with him. No matter what the duration. But Laxus didn't like for his girlfriend to be mad at him (even if he didn't feel like he was the one in the wrong to begin with) and eventually the tension seemed too much for him to take.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked after mostly pushing his cornflakes around in their bowl. Getting to his feet instead, he refused to apologize, in any situation, but did find himself asking while nodding at some still unchopped vegetables, "Demon?"

And she still had a bit of a glint of annoyance in her eyes, but did mutter something about him helping out and, well, Laxus might not know how to say sorry, but he definitely knew how to get back on the woman's good side. And, slowly, this came to fruition as Mirajane could never hold out for long, once he'd already broken, and soon enough she was back to singing, loudly now, rather than the low hums she'd had before, when he was sleeping, and Laxus just had to admire her, he always had to admire her. Imagine being worked like a dog and still finding it within yourself to be pleased by this fact.

His woman was something else.

She was though, his woman, which is why when the time came where she began bowling things up with the intent to transport it all back to the hall, where she'd finished food prep, Laxus had to let out a ragged sigh before offering his assistance.

"But Laxus," she asked with a sly smile, "you haven't been down to the guild in over a month."

And it all made sense now.

Glaring at her once more, he growled all the way to his bedroom, intending to get dressed regardless of his aggravation.

"You," he accused as he tugged on his clothes regardless, "planned this, didn't you? Huh?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Just to make me go back there?" He looked at her in exasperation as the woman joined him in the bedroom. "Why, Mirajane? You dirty, lowdown-"

"Loving, thoughtful, caring-"

"You," he finished with a heavy finger of averment, "are tricky."

"I," she challenged, not used to getting a finger waved in her own face, "am helping you, dragon."

"Bullshit."

"You have to go back eventually." She dropped her shoulders some then, as well as her tone. Softly, she said, "Everyone fails sometimes, Lax."

He sneered and really thought about it then, just kicking the woman (and all her half finished dishes), out in the cold. But there was just something about her. There was always something about her. It sucked the most, honestly, when she began to smile only seconds later in response to the long, drawn out sighing groan he let out, releasing everything inside of him that could, honestly, probably murder the woman in that moment.

"I," he told her as, finally, he tugged on his coat and they went back into the kitchen to divvy up the pots and bowls to carry, "hate you."

"You love me," Mirajane challenged with a look. "And I love you. I wouldn't force you to go back if I didn't."

"Force. You heard that, right? What you just said? Do you listen to yourself? Force. Fucking force." Laxus could be led to water, he could even be made to drink it, but damn it if he wasn't going to bellyache about it during. "You're forcing me to do this. And that means that whatever psychological affects this has-"

"You're so dramatic."

"-are your fault." He even shook his head. "You're evil. Vindictive. A tricky-"

"Demon." She was headed to his front door then. "Now come on. Everyone will be waiting."

"Every- You told them I was coming?"

"What do you think the party is really for, Laxus?"

"Mirajane, I'm not a fucking child! I-"

"Then quit throwing a tantrum and hurry up." She grinned at him over her shoulder. "All your friends are waiting to pick you right back up."

"My friends," he told her sourly, "are going to get their heads slammed together. All three of them. For going along with this."

"Your other friends then."

"I don't have any other-"

"Most people keep that to themselves, Lax."

"Mirajane-"

"When I told everyone we were having a party to get you back out of your shell," she insisted, "they were all supportive."

"Yeah, because you said party," he challenged. "And they just all wanna go and drink and hear you play your guitar and eat and-"

"And remind you why you're so special to us."

"I'm special to you."

"Awe."

"No, I meant… No one's going to give a shit about me," he griped. "This party, it wont' have anything to do with me. This is one of your dumbest ideas-"

"Is it? Huh?" They were out on the street now, arms loaded up, but she was still all grins about their lengthy walk to the hall. "Everyone already knows you're coming out of hiding, so they won't gawk and gossip about it; they've already done that. And by the time we show up, most of them will already be too drunk to care about you. So you can just fade right back into the woodwork if you want. If you ask me-"

"I haven't. At all. In fact, I don't want to hear from you again all day."

"-this is the best idea I've ever had."

When this only got stony silence out of the man, Mirajane titled her head back to stare up at him for a moment before grinning quite openly. And damn it, fucking hell, he wanted to be so mad, so angry, so...so…

"You're a demon," he muttered softly, trying to fight a grin from spreading across his own mouth. "You know that?"

"Most people can just say thanks, you know, dragon."

Yeah.

As he kept completely silent, much to the giggles of the woman, he knew.

#Miraxus #Mirajane Strauss #Mira Strauss #Mirajane #Mira #Laxus #Laxus Dreyar #Fairy Tail #Fanfiction

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sourw0lf · 5 years

Text

Seemingly Insignificant

Summary: “It wasn’t until a couple months later that you knew you needed to find that arrogant bastard and meet him at least one more time, if only to inform.”

Relationship: Dean Winchester x Reader

Tags: Unplanned pregnancy, Fluff

Word Count: About 2000

Read it on AO3

You first met Dean in a greasy bar in Sioux Falls, North Dakota.

At first sight, you hated him. He was obviously a fed, and a dick. Neither of which you chose to waste your time on, even if he was pretty damn handsome. You watched him from afar, sitting in a booth across from the bar and thinking with curiosity. Why was the FBI in town?

It must have been Amanda. The poor thing was found strangled to death in her dorm room. You didn’t know her well, she lived a few blocks away from you. But, from the interactions you did have with the girl, you know in your heart she didn’t deserve what she got. It must have been some psychotic prick lurking the girls fraternity. Disgusting.

Girls had been attacked before of course, it was a college. But no one had ever been murdered in the history of Falls University. It was big, everyone talked about it when it first happened.

But it had been weeks since the horrific event, so why did they care now?

“Hey, uh. You happen to know a girl by the name of Amanda Reed?”

You were suddenly pulled out of your thoughts by a hard voice. When you looked up, the federal agent was in front of you, green eyes full of question. He look semi-dedicated to his mission but more focused on getting your attention.

You played along.

Two beers, three whiskeys, and a shot of tequila later you were moaning his name (which was Dean, apparently) back at your apartment two blocks from the bar you started at.

Though he looked like a dick he…. Well, he actually was one. He was really fucking rude and talked like he knew everything, but you ignored that fact in favor of his actual dick which was fucking divine. Made up for it, even.

Though he wasn’t good enough for you to regret when he got up at four in the morning and threw on his jeans. He gave you a quick kiss and walked out the door and you never expected to him again. You didn’t want to see him again, you didn’t have any desire to pursue something with a dumb cop.

It wasn’t until a couple months later that you knew you needed to find that arrogant bastard and meet him at least one more time, if only to inform.

The time you went to Taco Bell those couple weeks ago and ate three five-layer burritos and a supreme nacho as your dearest coworker, Kevin, watched in awe didn’t seem that weird. You were just hungry. The time you passed out watching tv at six in the evening and woke up at noon wasn’t weird, and neither was the next couple days when you did the same exact thing. You were just tired.

It wasn’t until you started puking in the mornings, when you started avoiding food and smells you once loved, when you were suddenly missing two periods in a row, that you realized.

You were pregnant, the two stupid little lines on the stupid plastic stick that you bought from the stupid convenience store down the road only confirmed it.

And since you didn’t do dumb things like hook ups with mysterious assholes often, you knew exactly who the father was. Now, you were on a mission to find the prick and break the news.

As it turns out, finding him was very hard. You would think tracking down a federal agent would be easy. How were they supposed to serve the people if you couldn’t find them for fucks sake.

What if you had new information on Amanda? How would they ever know? It was all very frustrating.

You contacted every office you could, he couldn’t be found. None of them had heard of a Dean Dills no matter how hard you looked and you were starting to give up hope. In the two months since you saw him, something must have changed. He obviously wasn’t working for the feds anymore. Which was kind of weird.

A month and a half later on a Thursday you were given something very useful. You were out with a couple girls and Kevin from work, they were drinking and you weren’t but you were having a good time anyways. Somewhere in the conversation Dean was brought up, you were very obviously pregnant now and everyone was curious and you knew it.

“I don’t know, you guys. Some agent that come through here a while back. I can’t find him, it’s fine.” You accepted the single parent status as soon as you realized you were pregnant with a hook-ups baby, and a dick at that.

“What was his name? You can probably call up and-”

You helped yourself from rolling your eyes. Of course you looked him up. Of course you called.

“Dean Dills. Already did.”

They were just trying to help but you had gone through enough work looking for him and he wasn’t to be found. You were done with it already.

“Did you say Dills? FBI?” The bartender spoke up from a foot away, investing in a conversation she had clearly been eavesdropping in on. “Tall, dark, and handsome?”

Shocked, you spoke, “...Yeah?”

“He was working on Amanda’s case. He questioned me about it. Left a card, told me to call if I remembered something.”

“Well, do you still have it?!” Jo spoke up next to you, enthralled in the drama of it all. She was your best friend of a few years, her mother took you in when you were a homeless teenager and the both of you had been sisters since.

“Yeah, it’s in the office. I’ll go get it for you.”

You didn’t get your hopes up. This man wasn’t an agent anymore and that means there was a 50/50 chance his number was still working. Even if he did pick up you weren’t confident he would remember you, both of you were pretty drunk at the time and it had been almost four months.

“Here you go, hun. Good luck,” the bartender gave you a sympathetic smile and then worked her way down the bar to help a customer.

And then there you were, sitting on the edge of your bed with your phone shaking in your hands. The call was on speaker phone and it was ringing loudly.

You almost thought he wouldn’t picked up. Then, a familiar rough voice spoke from the other end, “...Hello?”

“Dean?”

He must have been used to urgent phone calls because he made it down to your apartment in a couple hours, speeding from the state over he told you he was in. The Impala was loud when it rolled in and he looked tired when he came up to the door.

He was only able to knock once before you swung the door open, “Holy shit.” being the first dumb thing to slide out of your mouth.

“Uhh, yeah? You called, I came. What’s the crisis?”

“Come in, let me show you.”

Dean followed blindly, “What, you got a body in here or something?” It almost sounded like a joke but his tone was far from amused.

When you closed the door behind you he turned and looked at you, waiting for an answer.

You couldn’t tell him, the words wouldn’t come out of you mouth. So you stripped yourself of the baggy, maroon sweater you were wearing, revealing your bump through the thin tank top beneath it.

Dean took many deep breaths and stared at your abdomen with question, “Well… I’ll be damned.”

He didn’t seem as surprised as you’d expected and he sure as hell wasn’t as surprised as you had been but the shock was evident on his face for at least a brief second. And then it was just down right worried.

You thought it was because of the baby, he didn’t want it. Didn’t want to take care of it.

But then he told you about it, about everything. Why he was in town those couple of days, why you couldn’t contact him and why he didn’t seem to exist (his last name was actually Winchester, you had figured out sometime later). And then he explain what he did for a living.

And then you lived it.

One day you had a life. A job, friends, and an apartment. The next day you had nothing but the Winchester brothers and the baby you carried.

Demons had killed Kevin and you were next. If it wasn’t for Sam, Dean’s brother and your newfound friend, you and the baby would have died. The giant hunter had killed your threat with a large, detailed knife and you were more than thankful for it.

Now you had no choice but to live life on the road with the Winchesters, it was the safest option for everyone involved. Your name was out there and apparently all of hell new you carried Dean’s baby. Which was not a good thing for you, you had found out.

For the most part, though, you enjoyed it for the most part. The baby like burgers, you found out. There had been more than one occasion that you woke Dean or Sam up in the middle of the night to drive you to the nearest fast food place. They were always happy to do it, Dean got a burger for himself too half the time.

You found out soon that the Winchesters were very patient people. They worked you through the grief of losing one of your best friends and helped you breathe through every panic attack you had, onset of the discovery of a new monster.

Hell, Dean had even shushed you through the time you had puked on him in the middle of the night. He swore up and down it was his fault anyways, because he wrapped an arm around you when you were trying to get up out of bed and that’s why you didn’t make it. You still cried and apologized through the mess off peeling his puke-covered clothes and getting new sheets for the bed from the front desk. Sam took care of the mess and Dean dragged you into the shower with him to clean and calm you down.

You were thankful for him.

He collected stuff for the baby too. Half the time there was no room for anyone in the back of the Impala. It was cute, really. Whenever he went to the store and saw something he liked for the “little bean” he grabbed it. He stocked up on diapers and clothes and toys and smiled every time he showed you something new.

And Bobby complained every time Dean dropped more crap off at his house but if the old man was being honest, he was excited for his pseudo-grandchild to come. You liked Bobby too, he seemed like a hell of a better father than yours had ever been and it sounded like Dean and Sam could agree on that front.

Sam was fascinated with the little ones kicks. You got excited every time they started up because the smile on Sam’s face when he sprawled his giant hand over your stomach and felt his niece or nephew kick at him was possibly one of the most adorable things you could witness on a daily basis.

They were happy with you and with the baby and you couldn’t be more happy with them.

And when the baby did come, it came naturally in the back of the Impala on a deserted highway weeks before your due date You were all scared when it happened, Dean probably more than anyone. But you got through it and then you had a beautiful baby girl.

Her name? Mary Rosalie Winchester. The boys were more than thrilled.

#sourwolfwrites #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #reader insert #sam winchester #unplanned pregnancy #pregnant reader #fluff #fanfiction #fanfic #supernatural #spn

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uraharabyakuya · 5 years

Text

Rant: ChenQingLing is a disgrace.

Disclaimer: this is a rant, and it’s antiCQL. So those who like it, pls ignore and refrain from posting your counter arguments to me. I just want to vent my displeasure of this live action and only welcome those who agree with me to comment and share.

Being a massive fan of MDZS, I just have to get this off my chest. I am sick of all these brainwashing and gaslighting by so called “fans” of the original work who are singing high praises for this shambles of an adaptation.

The live action series should be ashamed of themselves because they’re simply using the popularity and following from the franchise and totally disrespecting the core of the story and characters. Before these nincompoops come and wax lyrical about adaptations being different from the source material, there is an obvious difference between a genuine adapatation to screen whereby the major plot lines are maintained, the core stories are maintained, the character histories are maintained and superfluous or extrapolated materials are minimised, also where there are obvious gaps of non-explained or non-elaborated space only is where things are created and imagined. Whereas a rubbish excuse of an adaptation is what CQL has done. Because what it did was to use the characters names, take the fantasy world setting and cool elements, and then totally walk over the storyline by completely meshing and mixing and stirring everything and everyone into a big pot of dog poo. And testament to them just using the franchise’s popularity to milk money and attention is by completely unashamedly BL-bait with all the WangXian interactions including many that are either not in the book or extras, or not in the right context or scene, or completely nonexistent and made up. And then the shameless tag that it’s just a platonic bromance since censorship in China wouldn’t allow this. Right.

So let’s talk about the plot. So WWX is not some grandmaster of demonic cultivation since it has already been going on behind the scenes with Xue Yang casually helping WRH practise some hardcore demonic cultivation and the fact that the Tiger Stygian Amulet is just some relic that’s been around for ages. Nothing to do with WWX’s ingenuity and talent for harnessing the resentful energy stored in that sword found at the TuLuXuanWu cave. Then apparently the TianNu statue that comes to life was already something that he and LWJ had encountered before in their youth whilst they go along to hunt for the Amulet pieces. And then WQ apparently is able to influence the zombified with a flute like instrument anyway. And then apparently Lan Yi and WWX’s mum knew each other cos nothing spells more destined love than when your respective previous generation also had some sort of bond and connection. And the bunnies were really reared by her so not a sweet little homage of the Wangxian love. And the forehead ribbon is not just ugly aesthetics wise but LWJ can’t decide if he’s steadfast about it or he is nonchalant about taking it off and tying it onto WWX’s wrist even when he was not intoxicated. And then WWX was already using some unexplained paper puppet powers which was apparently not seen as demonic cultivation in his youth to mess about, and he apparently could manipulate LWJ quite easily to get him drunk. And when things that are not canon like LXC and JGY they just had to make their first meeting so obviously charged with innuendo. And then WQ since the actress invested in the series, had to be important, so she is given some all so noble duty of being the good guy in the bad camp who is doing stuff that she doesn’t want to but she is still good and should be liked though she’s still a bad guy nonsense trope. So she goes to GuSu to get the amulet piece for WRH, because only when he gets the piece will she be able to somehow bring WN away. And WN was a great enough character both alive and dead as the Ghost General with his design from the source material, but no, they want to embellish it that he’s afflicted with some condition that makes him susceptible to being possessed and taken over by evil spirits. Wtf. And naturally, WQ should somehow capture JC’s eye, because why would JC want to be infatuated with a Wen person when eventually they cause the demise of his parents and his clan. But hey maybe he’d be so selective thinking WQ didn’t do it though so that’s okay. Like wtf.

Let’s talk about the actors. I like WWX’s look, the actor has a good face, he “looks” like a WWX, but damn his acting is bad. And damn, he cannot do the duality of WWX, because he does not exude that dangerous aura and the strength and power that WWX naturally possess because of his natural abilities, evident even before he was a Yiling Patriarch, much less if this guy wants to play a convincing Patriarch. He does all these ogling of LWJ from the get go since they met, cue all the cheap BL baiting. And he pouts and stomps his feet and acts cute the whole time. WWX is cheeky, naughty, devious, mischievous, but not girly, not a sissy. Wtf. Then we move onto LWJ. So that guy is some boy and heartthrob, but damn he has neither r looks nor the presence nor the acting skills to touch LWJ. WTF. The moment he appeared he made me want to slap LWJ, want to cry for his ru8ning of his whole imagery. The action sequence is so wooden, and the expressions are so constipated or dead. Everybody else looked bad. The actors I think chosen right for their looks were WWX, WN (alive version, the ghost general version has such awful make up it makes me cringe), NHS, JGY, XY (he apparently got to get a good looking dude to play him who also looks kind of evil and yet looks like an anime character walked out of the anime) and maybe JC (that’s because aesthetically he actually can be considered good looking and that is ridiculous because he’s better looking than the Twin Jades of Lan in this). LXC and his butt chin hurts my eyes. WRH looking like some voodoo witch doctor gone drag in his evil volcanic dungeon lair makes me want to throw an encyclopaedia at someone’s head violently. NMJ looking like a complete perverted uncle complete with hentai stache is just blasphemous. JZX just looks weird, no better way to put it.

So onto the make up, costumes and props. Make up is so shit that you can see up close where spots are done smoothed over or powdered down, the gore or the effects of veins and wounds are so fake and so obviously drawn on it looked like a 6yo went to arts class and took some marker pen and crayon and created these outcomes. The props are so cheap that the ghost hand looks like a rubber Halloween glove you get from the prop shop around the corner, the deity binding ropes look exactly like rough ropes. The Emperor Smile bottles look so tiny and white that it looks more like medicine bottles on ancient times than an expensive alcohol bottle. Where’s the YunMeng silver bell, the jade piece on LWJ’s robe. The forehead ribbon looks so cheap because it’s too thin and the stupid metallic piece in the middle is ridiculous. Why can’t they just stick with the original to have the silk cloth with the cloud patterns embroidered on the cloth. And the clothes, Lan sect is supposed to be ethereal, so why are they dressed in such plain white and tight clothes. They should have the flowing sleeves, the light blue tones, and the cloud embroidery. YunMeng needs to have their original violet colour, the Wen Sect does not need to be full body red like they’re getting married (see WQ), and the Jin sect needs their golden robes with the centrepiece of the JinXinXueLang peony, not some watered down white with yellow hues and nothing else to show for it. And what is with LWJ’s hair do and hair piece, it has such a disgusting look to it and it doesn’t look right. Do the bun properly and the accessory properly, not some weird plop of hair right in front on top of his head and then put a flat piece of elaborate metal on top of it.

I had been looking forward to seeing the epic ness of MDZS brought to the small screen. I had been completely prepared for changes in terms of the romance line being cut, but I fully expected the main storylines to be followed and perhaps elaborated on. Not to be chopped and changed and meshed up and violated like they’ve done so. And with the ability to get some really lovely natural scenery and some of the sets that actually look good eg the Lotus seat in Yun Meng was elaborate and intricate. So why won’t they invest in the right places like making the make up perfect, getting the costumes and looks correct, getting actual actors who can act cos even if they don’t look aesthetically good enough but if they’re solid actors it would flow so much better, and more vitally, why don’t they retell and elaborate on the existing epic storyline as it is! That’s the core of it, the MDZS storyline and major scenes are so awesome wit( their backstories, no changes need to be made, but merely elaborated and extrapolated on, not to be comepltely vandalised and violated. My heart breaks as for the sake of my love for MDZS, I’ve watched 8 eps and had to stop and restart so many times because of how jarring, unnatural, awkward, infuriating, irritating and frustrating the factors above contribute to my viewing. And now the greatness of MDZS as an original source material will forever be tainted by the sacrilege that is the Untamed.

#mdzs #the untamed #wwx #lwj #modaozushi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #chen qing ling is a disappointment #mo dao zu shi anime #mo dao zu shi audio drama

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theabyssalmuses-archived · 4 years

Text

no, really the MAIN thing to remember about ‘Otis Vondork’ is that he just...doesn’t stand out... except; the fact that he doesn’t stand out means he stands out. Make sense? No? Ok good keep reading it will eventually.

He is basically just an ordinary man there is really nothing overly special about him. He lived his life as an engineer and made a tidy living for himself...he didn’t experience anything particularly bad or particularly good. There were hardships, sure, stuff like workplace injuries and debts and other things that come with living as a human- and there were simple pleasures too, like getting shitfaced drunk and partying or watching his favorite movie BUT

none of that is particularly extravagant. He lived his life as an ordinary man, there is nothing special about him fundamentally. He could have been anyone, and yet --

The fact that he’s so ‘ordinary’ is what makes him so special. He could have been anyone, but he was him. No matter how ‘ordinary’, all humans are 100% distinct and unique. in all the universe, you will never find 2 humans who are 100% identical (unless they’re direct clones but that’s a fringe case)

In his regular verse, he’s exposed to all kinds of wild and crazy shit- everything from Serial Killer Plant Ladies and Demon Kings to the entire expanse of the Multiverse and everything in between. Fantastical and Ridiculous things constantly happen around him. In a way, this is where the whole idea of him being a ‘protagonist’ comes from because it feels as if all of these things are happening ‘to ‘him because they are. He has almost 0 control of these ridiculous happenings and yet almost all of them at the very least involve him somehow.

Otis, as a person, is very very normal and yet his life is very much NOT so.

This, in turn, has created a weird sort of situation where his ‘humanity’ shines as something ‘extraordinary’, despite he himself remaining as ‘nothing special’ Despite having nothing of note, in a way, he embodies ‘humanity’

He is kind and caring without thinking, and for the sake of others, he puts himself in danger without a second thought. Wholly accepting the ‘good’ and bad’ of life, be it in other people or himself, he takes it all in stride-

“Good People? Bad People? ...I guess they do exist, but...there’s no use focusing on ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’. The world isn’t so clear cut...if you ask me...it’s about who you are now, and who you plan to be... or something like that. At any rate, it’s best to just take this kind of thing in a case by case basis....at least...I think so. Even if you’ve done bad things in the past...if you just keep moving forward, I think it’ll be okay...probably.”

Which, again, is likely where this idea of him resembling a ‘shounen protagonist’ comes from, since a lot of this stuff is similiar...but ultimately the reasoning and cause are different.

Yeah...the easiest way to put it is to say Otis represents ‘Humanity’ in perhaps it’s purest form...but that doesn’t really do anything for him. It doesn’t grant him any special powers, nor is it anything to do with the fate of the universe. He doesn’t do magic, nor does he have any increased resistances or ‘special talents’

He’s just a human through and through, and yet even so-

He still manages to do some incredible, impossible things, even as a human. He survives amongst (and befriends too, quite often!) all manner of crazy, dangerous and sometimes downright evil individuals, all while shrugging it off as if it’s normal. “ It’s who they are now and who they plan to be that matters, right? They aren’t planning on hurtin’ anyone right now, so they’re fine in my books.”

It’s not a superpower or special ability...it’s just called being Human.

And with humans come flaws. Obviously, Otis is not a perfect individual. While he’s caring and kind, he can also come across as cynical and cold at the same time. He closes off his feelings a lot, and he has a bit of an alcoholism problem. While generally perfectly tolerant of others regardless of many factors- he also holds some prejudices (though he does his best to keep them to himself...)...that is to say, when it comes to ‘Robots’ or ‘Androids’...it can only be called ‘Robophobia’.

“O-Oi, calling it that is...ah, well...It’s not like I’m afraid of them, or hate them or anything...but, i mean...It’s just...if someone built them to be like a human, that doesn’t mean they are, does it? If all their actions can be predefined by numbers and stuff...ah, y-you know? I think the less said on this the better...Ahah...”

( Yes, he doesn’t quite understand how robots and androids can be seen as ‘people’ ...We’re working on that, though. Given that he’s an engineer, you can kind of understand where that kind of belief comes from...but it’s still an issue. Thankfully, there are several people in his life who constantly bully him over it do their best to correct his thoughts on the matter.)

But- he still won’t treat them any different...It’s all internalized, after all. Even if a robot was about to be hit by a car, or shot...he’d still put himself in danger to help them.

And of course, 2 of his most defining traits...

Stubbornness + Pride. They go hand in hand with each other, really. Otis is an extremely stubborn man, sticking to his own beliefs and ideals like a mollusk to a rock. That isn’t to say he’s a close-minded individual..he’s capable of changing his opinions quite easily when supplied with relevant information...but only he can change what he believes.

And that’s why he almost never gives up. Just like before, that parallel of a ‘shounen protagonist’ comes up again. His stubbornness means he’ll keep on doing something even if that something is merely living. He won’t give up because there are people he cares about, there are smiles he wants to protect. He may not be a ‘hero’, but he at least wants to make those precious people happy.

And even then-! Even if he had nothing left, even if he had no one left who was important to him, he still would not give up. His logic would just be

“Well, i’ve already come this far. What a waste of time it’d be to stop now.” over and over again, ad infinitum until his body gives up under the strain of his mental fortitude. Although he’s never had much of an opportunity to put it to the test in his main canon (thankfully?), it is there- waiting.

It’s this stubbornness..which is definitely a major flaw, it’s caused so many arguments, that allows him to stand before Gods and Demons as nothing more than a mere human- and tell them he won’t accept the ‘Fate’ they’ve written for him, nor will he simply roll over and accept it.

Honestly, how is this man even alive...he really should have died, doing stupid shit like this...I guess he’s surprisingly lucky, too?

TL;DR: Otis is a good boy and i love him so fuckgn much ; ;

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa #this took AAGES #this isn't even 100% coherent i can tell #BUT PLEASe..FEEL MY VIBES #feel what im trying to represent in your soul #AFSDFSDf #Otis Vondork: An Ordinary Guy- but?#HE'S JUST AN ORDINARY GUY..#BUT IN A WORD WHERE NOTHING IS 'ORDINARY'#THAT MAKES HIM INCREDIBLE...#HIS HUMANITY...ITS JUST WHO HE IS..#ULTIMATELY A HUMAN BUT A VERY HUMAN HUMAN #even his own brother is basically only human physically at this point ASFSDADSA #META POST??? EYA #HE'S SO GOOOOD...

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stanbillyhargrove · 4 years

Text

Demons pt 20

Billy Hargrove x Reader (Cat)

T/W: Self Harm (Cat), Abuse, Eating Disorder Cat has a lot of issues

BIG WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT, DRUGS, SUICIDE

This will be a multi chapter series with fluff, smut, angst, all the things

Billy's POV

I pulled up to Steve's house a while later and was surprised to see his car in the driveway. I figured he would have gone driving around town some more even after me telling him to stay home. I scooped Cat into my arms and walked up the driveway, shifting to hold her with one arm so I could ring the doorbell. Behind the door, I could hear someone running before the door flew open, a frazzled Steve holding back Rocky on the other side.

He saw Cat in my arm, pale, eyes sunken and his knees buckled, "is she..?"

"She's sleeping, Harrington. Calm down."

Steve breathed out loudly and backed out of the way of the door with shakey knees, "come on, bring her inside."

Neither of us talked while I followed him through his house to his room. Steve pulled the blankets down so I could lay Cat underneath them.

"I'll go get more," he whispered, quickly walking away.

I knelt beside the bed, gently stroking her face with my fingers and listening to her faint breathing. As I looked at her face, I understood why Steve thought I was carrying her body. Everything about her seemed so sunken, frail, lifeless. I eased the sleeves of her jacket up to look at the marks on her arms and felt my stomach turn to lead, threatening to drag me down through the floor. Tears collected in the corners of my eyes again as I ran a thumb over the rough scab. Steve cleared his throat when he came back, making me look away to wipe at my eyes before meeting his gaze.

"I know, they're pretty bad," he murmured, layering more blankets over Cat.

I leaned forward and kissed her forehead before standing up to leave the room with Steve, Rocky trailing behind us.

"What was it like?" I asked as we walked towards the kitchen, "finding her."

Steve turned to look at me with a huff, "horrible. The first time she called me she was off her face drunk and just, the way she talked sounded so, wrong, you know? I drove over as soon as I heard the message and found her passed out, just totally out of it. There was a bottle of pills empty on the counter. I dragged her into the tub and forced her to puke until she woke up."

I looked in Steve's fridge and pulled out a couple beers, handing one to Steve before leaning against the counter.

"Last time?" I questioned, popping the beer open and taking a swig.

Steve took a long gulp of the beer before looking back at me, "after you showed up here and kicked my ass I told Cat to go home, I was just so fucking pissed off and I thought it would be better if she left. Give us all time to cool down, you know? But I didn't know what to say to her, after everything, so I just didn't, I didn't talk to her at all. I was fucking stupid. She called me Saturday and left a message, begging for my help, thought I was mad at her. When I got to her place it was weirdly quiet, like nothing seemed real when I walked inside."

Steve took a deep breath and downed the rest of his beer, pulling another from the fridge and opening it before continuing, "she slit her wrists in the bathroom. There was blood all over the floor, it looked like a fucking murder scene from TV. She was still awake so I wrapped her up to stop the bleeding and put her to bed, then cleaned everything up. Told her I couldn't do that again, couldn't hold on to everything by myself and that she needed to quit hiding everything. I tried giving her a fucking ultimatum, man, figured if I told her I wouldn't be around while she killed herself maybe she'd want to get better," he wiped at his dewy eyes with the heel of his hand, "nothing was enough, obviously. She doesn't want to get better, Billy."

I swallowed my beer with a gulp, my throat closing around a knot, "she thought we hated her when I found her... And you guys slept together?"

Steve nodded slowly, "yeah, the night before you showed up here. I picked her up from that party and brought her back here, she'd been staying here since the pills. She was drunk, thought maybe it would help her get past things. With her here, I started drinking whenever it got to be too much, and I drank a lot that night. I'd been drinking before Tommy's call and then downed a couple after bringing her back here, it was just so much shit, you know? And then she asked me if we could...and I just, I wanted to help. I thought if it was a good thing for her then maybe that would help. It didn't mean anything though."

I nodded, my jaw ticking, "was it good?"

Steve snorted, "I mean, it was okay, she cried the whole time. Had a panic attack after, I don't know if she'd consider it good."

I hummed, taking a long pull of my beer before pulling a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket, "you mind?"

Steve shook his head and waved a hand at me, "go ahead."

I tapped one out of the pack and held it between my lips to light it, pulling a hard drag off it before muttering, "tell me about the party. Why she ended up with you. Why she trusts you more than me."

Steve sighed, "I overheard those losers from out of town talking about leaving a girl upstairs passed out. It creeped me out so I went to check it out, see if I could help them get home, found her in one of the rooms. She was dead to the world, wouldn't wake up. I straightened up her clothes and brought her here to sleep it off, I thought she drank too much and maybe they backed off when she passed out but when she woke up in the morning she couldn't remember much of what happened. They drugged her, slipped something in her drink. Anyway, I had seen some of the scars on her chest at the party and then when I brought her here I took her jeans off, cause sleeping in jeans sucks you know? I thought I was helping but she's got them on her legs too and I saw how skinny she was too. Brought it up in the morning and she yelled at me that she was fine and told me not to say anything about it. So I didn't, I just tried to be there for her, asking if she was okay, just checking in type stuff. Then the day Nancy and I broke up I went over to check in, I was just wanting to talk about what happened with Nancy and I found her bleeding in the shower. Billy, she was pregnant, between the drinking and not eating she made herself miscarry. That's when we realized what actually happened at the party. From then I was her go to for everything cause I knew already, I guess that was easier for her than saying it all out loud."

Steve shrugged and smiled dryly as I clenched my jaw, vibrating with anger. I couldn't stop the hot tears that started rolling down my cheeks until I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

She was pregnant?

"So she doesn't eat? Like at all? Is that why she looks like a skeleton now?"

Steve shook his head, his mouth tightening, "I tried when she was staying here, couldn't get her to have much of anything. She was running all the time too."

"Fuck," I growled, "I..Jesus fucking christ. Why her?"

Steve's mouth tightened into a thin line, "don't know man. Don't know why they picked her, maybe they didn't, she just was nice enough to accept a drink."

I shook my head, "but she's been fucked up since before that, how does someone get that fucked up? And she's, she's so fucking nice! How is she still so nice?"

Steve shrugged again, "I'm not sure.. I know I wouldn't be," there was a pause before, "hey, Billy?"

"Hmm?"

Steve looked down at the floor quickly before looking back up at me, "where did you find her? Why'd you come here?"

I exhaled a plume of smoke, "out in the forest. We always went out there to get away from things, took me a while to think about it. Can't bring her to my place and I thought you'd be helpful."

I spent the night talking with Harrington, both of us drowning our feelings in beer until we passed out on the couches in the living room. I woke up with a start when Steve's phone started ringing loudly and watched him jump up to grab it, still half asleep.

"Ello?" He grumbled.

He blinked hard a few times, trying to clear the fog in his brain before holding the phone out towards me.

"S for you."

I rolled off the couch with a groan and walked up to grab the phone from Steve's hand, raising it to my ear with a mumbled, "what?"

Max's loud voice rang through my ears, "it's almost time to go to school, are you coming?"

"Fuck! Yeah, Max, I'll be right there."

I scrambled to hang up the phone and rushed around Steve's house for my jacket and boots, stopping just before opening the door to look at him, "Harrington."

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and scratched sleepily at his chest, "hmm?"

"If she wakes up, tell her I was here. I'll be right back."

Steve nodded and nestled back into the couch, eyelids already growing heavy, "yeah, sure."

Max was impatiently waiting at the end of the driveway, tapping her hand against her skateboard when I skid to a stop in front of her.

"Sorry!" I exclaimed as she pulled the door open and sat down with a huff, "slept in."

Max just stared at me, "where's Cat? You said she was okay."

I sighed as I drove away from the house, "she's still sleeping, I think. Steve's watching her."

"What's wrong with her?"

"Max, I don't think-"

She turned to glare at me, "tell me what's wrong with her. I want to know. She's my friend too."

I huffed, too tired to argue with her, "it can't go past you, Max. I'm serious. Don't even tell Cat you know, okay?"

I waited for her to nod before continuing to talk, "Cat was drugged, at a party and..and some disgusting fucker had sex with her while she was out cold. She's been hurting herself since before she moved here but it got worse after that. She hasn't been eating and she's been drinking all the time and... and, well, just hurting herself. And you might see how she hurt herself but you can't say anything about it, okay?"

Max blinked, shocked, "why would someone do that?"

"Because they're fucking sick," I growled.

I was just pulling up to the school when Max asked, "how bad did she hurt herself?"

I had to bite my cheek to stop the tears that sprang forward, "pretty bad, Max. But she's still here."

Still alive.

"Can I come visit her?" She looked up at me, hopeful as I stopped in front of the school.

I smiled tightly, "I think she'd like that, Max. I'll pick you up, okay? If she's awake you can visit her."

"Yeah, okay," she agreed, "see you after school, Billy."

I got back to Steve's and passed back out on the couch, trying to sleep off the worst of my hangover. It was around noon when I woke up again to see Steve coming back into the living room with a plate of pancakes.

"Any more of those?" I mumbled, sitting up from the couch.

Steve nodded, his mouth full and mumbled, "kitchen."

I got up to get myself a stack of pancakes and came back to flop down on the couch.

"You been up for a while? Where's the dog?" I asked between bites.

"A little bit," he mumbled, finishing off his breakfast, "Rocky's out in the yard. Figured he'd been stuck inside long enough."

"Has she woken up yet?"

Steve shook his head, frowning, "I haven't heard or seen her."

"Should we check on her?"

"I popped in when I woke up, to make sure she was still there. Could probably check on her again now," he picked nervously at his fingers, "I'm worried about her."

He paused for a minute, taking a deep breath, "what if she still doesn't want to get better, Billy? We can't force her to live if she doesn't want to."

I sighed, standing up off the couch, "I don't know, Steve."

Quietly, I walked into Steve's bedroom to check on Cat. She was curled up on the side of the bed, one arm outstretched and hanging off the side, the other wrapped around a pillow. I knelt down beside the bed and gently ran a knuckle down the side of her face. The dark purple around her eyes had faded a bit, making her face look a little less sunken.

I leaned up to kiss her forehead and whispered, "hey, Baby, you gotta wake up for me, okay?"

I heard her stir as I kept talking through the lump in my throat, "you gotta wake up so I can help you, Baby. Max misses you, you gotta wake up and get better for us."

"B..?" She rasped, eyes fluttering open.

I sat back on my heels to look at her face, a watery smile on my face, "morning, Baby."

She smiled back at me and looked around sleepily, "why..?"

"I brought you to Steve's place last night. Do you remember last night?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, nestling back into the pillows, "I remember."

"You wanna get up? Have a shower? It'll be nice and warm," I coaxed.

"M sleepy," she murmured.

"I know, Baby," I tried to keep coaxing her, keep my voice light and my emotions in check even as my throat tightened, "I know you're tired, but if we get you cleaned up and you eat something then you can go back to sleep, okay?"

She hummed, eyes closing again, "mmkay."

I smirked and scooped her up in my arms to carry her to the bathroom, her fingers clutching at my shirt, dipping under it to seek out the warmth of my chest.

I hissed when her icy fingers touched me, "you're fucking freezing."

Cat nuzzled into my shoulder, humming happily when her nose touched my throat.

"Are you gunna let me put you down so you can shower?"

She shook her head, "nope, warm."

I groaned, adjusting her in my arms before walking to the living room where Steve was watching TV.

"Harrington," I grumbled, "help."

He looked towards us, eyebrows knit with confusion, "what?"

"Either hold her or start the shower."

He smirked and jumped off the couch to take her from me, shivering when she touched his skin.

"Stevie," she mumbled, leaning into his neck.

"Jesus," he groaned, "like a person sized popsicle."

I chuckled, leading the way back to the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as was tolerable.

"Thanks Steve," I said, turning back to take Cat from his arms.

He nodded, "I'll get some water boiling for drinks and find some clothes for you both."

"C'mon," I muttered, "let's get you cleaned up."

Cat nodded as I slipped my hand under her jacket, sliding it down her arms to fall on the ground. Next was her baggy tshirt, which was a little more challenging to pull off while holding her up but it eventually joined her jacket on the ground. I sucked in my breath when I saw the harsh lines of her collarbone and hips and chewed the inside of my mouth.

"Cat.." I breathed, running my fingers along her ribs.

She tensed when I wrapped my hand around her side, just under the jut of her ribcage and looked up at me with dewy eyes.

"Hold onto me," I sighed as I knelt down to take her pants off.

Cat's fingers gripped my shoulder as I slid her pants and underwear off. When I looked back up at her, her eyes were screwed shut and she was biting her lip as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Shit," I whispered, standing back up to pull her into my chest, "Baby, it's okay. Shh, I got you."

"I'm sorry," she cried, "it's just.."

"I know, Cat. I know, it's okay," I murmured into her hair, "c'mon, in the shower now, before all the hot waters gone."

She sniffed and nodded before letting me help her into the tub, sighing when the hot water hit her skin.

"Do you need me?" I asked.

There was a small, whimpering, "yes," as my answer and I quickly tossed my clothes onto the floor to join her.

I took my time lathering her up from head to toe, gently rubbing her body and planting light kisses on her skin as she cried. I ran my fingers through her soapy hair, tipping her head back into the hot water and running my lips along her jaw.

The whole thing was so..

Intimate.

Close in a way I've never experienced before, in a way that hurt my heart and made it swell at the same time.

I kissed the salt water from her cheeks and held her tight to my chest until she stopped crying. When she was all clean and the hot water was running out I helped her step out of the tub and watched as she slowly wrapped herself in a towel before I quickly washed myself. I turned off the cool water and stepped out of the shower to grab a towel and wrapped it around my waist.

Outside the door was a small pile of clothes that Steve had brought us. Sweatpants and tshirts for each of us. I helped Cat get dressed first, methodically drying her before pulling the clothes onto her body. She was once again standing in front of me, swimming in Steve's clothes and I couldn't help the pang of hurt that went through my chest when I remembered finding her here, in his clothes before.

I quickly dressed myself and wrapped an arm around her, "want me to carry you again?"

Cat nodded, tucking her face into my chest. I bent down to scoop her up and started carrying her to the living room.

"Max misses you, she wants to come see you after school. What do you think?" I asked, trying to coax her into a lighter mood.

She hummed, "maybe. 'm tired."

"I know, Baby. You can sleep a bit more in the living room, okay? Steve made pancakes, you want one?"

I gently set her down on the couch as she shook her head, "not hungry."

Steve sighed and left the living room in a hurry, retreating to the kitchen with clenched fists.

I knelt down to grab her hands and looked up at her sadly, "Cat, please," I tried to plead, to somehow get through to her, "please, for me. Just a little bit, okay? Then you can sleep a bit more."

She didn't answer, just looked down at our hands and chewed her lip.

My jaw ticked, "just. Fucking try," I growled, pulling away from her to storm out into the backyard before I could start yelling at her.

Rocky greeted me at the door, pushing his head into my hand for attention. I walked past him and sat on the edge of the lawn, cradling my face in my hands. Tears poured down my face, hot and angry as my chest started heaving. I heard the door open and close a few minutes later and soft footsteps crunching up behind me.

Steve sat down beside me, legs crossed in front of him and held out my pack of cigarettes, "thought you might want these."

I took them from him, tapped one out and stuck it between my teeth to light it.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

I stared at the lawn as I smoked, focusing on the smoke filling my lungs and the burn it left behind.

"I don't think I can do this," I finally blurted out.

Steve didn't look at me, just nodded solemnly, waiting for me to continue.

"I..I don't..that's not even her in there!" I pointed towards the house, anger lashing through me, "it's like whatever made her Cat is gone. THAT is not Cat, THAT is not even a person anymore and I don't..I don't fucking know how to fix that! How to bring her back! I can't sit there and pretend that that's my girlfriend, this is worse than yesterday even! It's like she fell asleep and fucking died but her body's still walking around, Steve! What the fuck do we do about that? How..?" I crumpled finally, full on crying.

Steve leaned towards me, wrapped one arm around my back and let me cry on his shoulder. I could hear him sniffling too, could feel when he moved to wipe at his face.

"We have to try, Billy," he murmured, "I don't know how, I don't know what will work but we have to try. Try to just put on a brave face and be as positive as we can, just try to build her back up. That's all we can do."

I huffed, sitting back up, "I don't think I can, she deserves someone better than me. Someone less angry than me. Someone who doesn't want to shake her and scream at her."

A puff of air rushed out of Steve's nose, like a partially formed laugh, "I wanna do that too. Scream in her face and see if I can pull her out of her head. You have no idea, man, how fucking angry I am. But we're it for her, the only support she has. So we need to get a grip and get back inside and just love her and hopefully we get her back."

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