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ma-lark-ey · 11 months

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The Extraordinaries As Shit I Heard People Say In High School.

Nick: Are you suggesting we euthanize people? Owen: I'm not not suggesting that.

Nick: Can I name his dad John Locke? Is that from anything? Seth: Please tell me you're kidding.

Seth: I'm just passionate about things. Including hating Owen.

Gibby: By Walking Dead Logic, the sexier you are the more likely you are to live. We just have to bimbo-ify Seth and he'll live!

Gibby: No! See, see Nick can twerk! Not that white-boy moving your back non-sense. That man can shake. his ass. correctly!

Jazz: Okay. Who has the booty and who has the looty? Gibby: You're richer than me, so technically you have the looty.

Seth: You give off scoliosis vibes. Owen: What the hell does that even mean. Seth: Figure it out.

Owen: What's your favorite candy, Gray? Seth: Circus peanuts. Owen: You seem like a circus peanuts kind of guy. Seth: Is that supposed to be an insult? Owen: obviously. Only psychopaths and supervillains eat circus peanuts.

Nick: Just because he was gay and did crimes does NOT mean he WANTED to do crimes!

Owen: Hot take; we could purge the Bill of Rights.

Nick: Your heterosexuality is currently dormant. Seth: Wow thanks captain obvious, it's almost like I'm actively kissing a man.

Nick: It's just logic! Neurodivergents are more likely to be kinky! Otherwise, they'd get bored.

Seth: You can't talk about Owen Burke--- I'm trying to have a good night.

Nick: Smash. Smash. Sma--- Jazz: Hard smash. Gibby: What are you doing? Nick: Playing Smash Or Pass with the WWII propaganda. Seth: ... Don't do that.

Seth: Have you ever like, thought of just pretending to be a good person? Owen: Is that not what I'm currently doing?

Seth: There are two wolves inside of me. Twink and Medieval Viking. And sadly, the Viking is always winning.

Jazz: By the way, Burke is in our fifth period. Seth: *catholic crosses himself* that's fine.

Owen: Did you hiss at people as a child? Nick: Bold of you to assume I don't still hiss at people.

Seth: why do you hate to see me winning? Owen: It's not that I hate to see you winning. It's that I love to see you slightly below winning for brief periods of time.

Seth: Instead of being made with love it was made with the tears of a depressed seventeen-year-old.

Nick: Billie Eilish is American? Gibby: Wait, for real? I thought she was British.

Gibby: Lizzo or gay rights. One has to go. Nick: sorry gay people. The answer is always Lizzo. Seth: Nick, you're literally gay. Jazz: See! This is what I'm talking about! we live in Joe Biden's America, and in Joe Biden's America you cannot proudly proclaim your love for Lizzo! You must support his liberal homosexual agenda. Gibby: Being a lesbian has only brought misery. Being a Lizbean has made me feel alive.

Nick: It's like--- y'all are on board games and I took a left turn to Wii sports.

Nick: Why am I not depressed this year? Seth: You got medicated. Nick: Oh yeah...

Jazz: As demonstrated with Seth and Nick--- the solution to homophobia is gay chicken.

Gibby: It's kind of like lesbian sex. Nick: You're telling me this as if I've seen lesbian sex.

Nick: I played Genshin Impact for four hours yesterday. Gibby: Is this your mental health awareness statement?

Nick: Oooooh ~ lubricants ~ Seth: Those are for a car. Nick: And ALSO--- Seth: For a car.

Jazz: I mean, who would date Owen? It's like, you have no standards. Nick: Well, I have standards. They're just not very high

Owen: how're we doing, gays and gals? Seth: I'm having an allergic reaction to being in your presence.

Seth: I'll eat a breadstick Nick took a bite of. I'm not eating breadstick Nick deepthroated. Jazz: to be fair, I didn't expect him to actually do it. Nick: I am nothing if not committed to a bit, Jasmine

Nick: Hear me out--- we make a Grindr account. Gibby: No good plan starts with 'we make a Grindr account; Nick: fine then! Step one. We fill his house with sulfur monoxide--- Seth: Absolutely not.

Seth: A good 40% of the time I think you're flirting with me, you're talking about Shadow Star.

Seth: You know, being caressed by tiny hands is not the weirdest thing Nicky's done to me. Jazz: I'm taking away the tiny hands.

Nick: I could make so many sex jokes. Gibby: Nicky, this play is about racism.

Gibby: There's this crunchy Christian vibe in Nova city. Nick: Crackheads, cops, and Christians are what makes Nova city Nova city.

(during a board game) Nick: What do you mean we can nuke Mars and not face any ecological repercussions? that's definitively not hot nukes work! Gibby: Well, I'll trade you some slavery for sheep? Seth: Can we please do something ethical.

#the extraordinaries #nick bell #seth gray #lark says

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loveletterworm · 1 year

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just got out of mario movie immediate thoughts:

chris pratt seemed to randomly fluctuate between doing a very slight but reasonably notable brooklyn accent and just not doing any voice. on most occasions he said a recognizable mario line (mamma mia, its-a-me, etc) it was in slow motion which struck me as attempting to hide the fact that he couldnt do those lines well. More tolerable than expected at least

peach was so boring im really sorry she was just so boring all her lines either seemed like they were written and delivered exclusively to be put in a trailer or like the most bare minimum generic lines to advance the plot Just very generic Animated Kids Movie Girlboss character in peach's skin

I hate Seth Rogen Donkey Kong I hate Seth Rogen Donkey Kong No more No more He doesnt even LOOK recognizably like donkey kong somehow he looks like some random monkey with a tie!!!! Make him stop talking

They gave a luma a mouth and human teeth and all its lines were about wishing for death

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bryceslahela · 10 months

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Ok u absolutely DONT have to do this but what if u told us ur least favorite li from all the multiple-choice li books that uve read 🙈😍

ok i’ll put them under the cut!! also i’m not very good at names just so u know. so i described some ppl 😭

across the void - idk who the fuck they are i’m so sorry to them.

america's most eligible - what’s his face. derek. i’m sorry but he was so annoying. no backbone.

baby bump - the male mayor was a jumpscare. i’m not even joking.

bachelorette party - rich doctor. reed? i romanced him bc he had rlly big gazongas. he’s boring and forgettable tho.

big sky country - the main guy. no offence to him but when ur competing with two bad bitches and you’re barely scraping average. sorry to him.

blades of light and shadow - mine was probably imtura. no offence to her but i’ve replayed it a few times and although i attempted to romance her. she’s the only one i never really clicked with. i do love her as a character tho.

bloodbound - lily and jax. sorry to them.

a courtesan of rome - cassius the snivelling nepo baby. i cannot stand him!!!

desire and decorum - hamid. his character annoyed me.

the elementalists - personally? probably aster. same thing as imtura. i’ve romanced everyone but i never rlly vibed with aster.

endless summer - jake i hate him. his stupid nicknames. his napoleon complex. those stank boots that prolly started covid.

foreign affairs - ayna bc SHE BETRAYED US…. will never forgive idc….

the freshman series - for me personally? all of em. all of them were annoying to the point to where it would be unfair to point out one? they all have their redeemable points imo.

hot couture - all were very ugly!!!!

immortal desires - …. gabe. and i LIKED gabe.

laws of attraction - sorry aislinn. i was just a gabe girlie.

mother of the year - NOT ONE BAD LI 😍 but i did prefer eiko and thomas to levi.

murder at homecoming - tyler but specifically white!tyler.

my first two loves - sorry mason and ava. even tho i like u both 🫶🏽

nightbound - idk. didn't finish.

open heart - ethan.

perfect match - my least was probably…. khaan. but i romanced all of em.

platinum - british tswift wannabe.

red carpet diaries - seth and i forgot her name but it began with t. both annoying. thomas hunt was annoying too.

ride or die - all were mid.

the royal romance - DRAKE AND MAXWELL. how bad is it that 50% of ur lis in this book are absolutely dogshit. thats insane.

rules of engagement - the bartender and nerdy twins gf. first one bc he looks like drake and the second bc she was so annoying.

save the date - the blonde guy. simon. hated him bc yall tried to push the agenda that he was better then justin. that’s simply incorrect.

veil of secrets - flynn. he smiles like he knows a secret that you don’t. its very unnerving.

wake the dead - idk i quit playing.

#this took me ages #jade answers

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coderedblood · 11 months

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Lemme begin by saying I don’t know why people keep saying JBJP is going to turn heel. (Now as I say this, I am aware that a. it will probably happen now and b. surprise heel turns are both AEW’s bread and butter when they don’t have meaningful storylines for their talent and is almost always a good way to rip out the fans’ hearts. Seth Rollins’ 2014 heel turn is a master class of this instance and while there have been many attempts to replicate it, very few have succeeded.)

I sincerely hope AEW doesn’t turn Jack Perry heel. Ricky Starks is completely sexy correct when he said that the Pillars thing is sort of dumb (he didn’t say that, I’m simplifying his remarks), though not exactly from a storyline/kayfabe perspective, but if they’re gonna persist with it till one or more of them doesn’t renew their AEW contract (since MJF’s and Jack Perry’s contracts are up for renewal next year), then turning JP heel would imo be a foolish move on AEW’s part. Here’s why:

Sammy Guevara is not over with the fans outside of Texas and he can’t get over as a face. (I wonder if his habit of talking shit is the reason. Ah hell, who am I kidding? Of course it’s the reason!) He is booed to the heavens and back no matter how much they try to get him into face territory. Bluntly put, Guevara isn’t a face no matter how hard he tries to be one. (Sorry, Sammy.)

Darby Allin (fuck I hate saying his name), while he is a face currently, his status as one feels extremely artificial on his end. The fans are behind him (for some oddball reason), but he isn’t a very believable face at all. He acts very much like a heel - his vibe is very much “the world’s treated me like shit, the world owes me, and I don’t care about the world”. I’ll admit I was a fan of DA for a short time in the beginning bc I thought he had a cool look but that’s where it ended. Bluntly put, I think they’re taping twenties under the fans’ seats to get them to cheer for and put Allin over as a face.

Maxwell Jacob Friedman. He is probably the most well-known heel in professional wrestling today behind Roman Reigns. ‘Nuff said.

Jack Perry is the most natural face of the Four Pillars. With his pleasant out of ring personality (recent rudeness notwithstanding and there’s a whole other post on that here on why that isn’t a cancellable offense), the difficulty of losing not one, not two, but three of the closest males in his young life making him a sympathetic person, and his affection for his friends in and out of ring making him relatable, he’s got it. Although, it is time for a gimmick change. I’ll forever love Jurassic Express and the man and his dinosaur and wild friend gimmicks, but it is time for a change. (My mom made the excellent suggestion of some kind of rockstar, which I’m all for!) Plus people are unfortunately bored of the Jungle Boy gimmick, which I believe is the root of why people are calling for a heel turn.

What I’m saying is, you lose Jack Perry as a face, you’re losing a vital power dynamic. What is wrestling in its barest form? Good vs. evil, a human fascination that’s been around since the beginning of humanity. Turning Jack Perry heel would shake this dynamic (more than it already has been) in AEW and frankly not for good, since there is in an influx of heels in AEW. This isn’t exactly a good thing in itself because while wrestling has changed significantly since it’s become popular and faces and heels are much more expansive, you still have to have identifiable traits as one or the other, and when you have more heels than faces (and vice versa) your potential for storytelling is greatly limited. More heels, your storylines amount mostly to “who’s worse, me or you”. More faces, it’s mostly “friendly competitions, yeah!” (Neither of these are bad, but it gets boring seeing this stuff week after week.)

In a perfect AEW, the women’s division would be much more utilized beyond the Outcasts and Britt Baker and the women’s titles would mean something, Best Friends would finally be tag champions, Darby Allin would be fired and blacklisted, the Jericho Appreciation Society would go away, the Dark Order would get a storyline dedicated to rebuilding and strengthening them, and Jack Perry, Hook, and Danhausen would be trips champions.

#jungle boy #jack perry #aew #faces and heels #longer post #I didn’t intend to make this so long #Jack Perry does this shit to me

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katnissgirlsmakedo · 2 years

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ok ok ok. monster post incoming. fuck doing a keep reading thing just scroll. here is everything i have to say about season 2 of the wilds.

first of all, this season was a fucking mess. i was looking past it because i wanted to enjoy myself but seriously we were jumping through like five different timelines every episode and only about half of them made any sense at all. we’d go from the girls island to the boys island to a flashback pre-island to the bunker where they’re doing interviews but somehow the bunker was also in two different times because the boys obviously did their interviews before the girls even got there but they kept quiet about day 15 for like 2 entire weeks when leah came in. and like there was no way to distinguish any of this from any of the other stuff so nothing made sense ever. like not that season one made perfect sense but this was just so much MORE jumbled with the addition of the boys

secondly. there was so much like. buildup? to stuff that was usually underwhelming. they first show us raf in handcuffs because he apparently did something sooo horrible that gretchen compared him to a literal demon. and then all he did was beat up seth. also the weird tension between kirin and ivan in the beginning that alluded to them having a lot of weird fucked up history in which kirin was the aggressor, and then in their flashback it was ivan that ruined kirin’s life. what was that for?

speaking of the boys. why did they make half of them so fucking boring. i don’t even care about bo or scotty or henry or josh. i BARELY care about ivan, i just like him because the pickings are SO slim. kirin somehow worked but again. barely and only because the pickings are THAT slim. and then. there’s raf and seth. i’d be lying if i said i didn’t care about seth, obviously he made me insane. i hate him, but you have to admit he’s not boring. why did they make the most compelling of the boys’ relationships the homoerotic bromance between a fucked up little psycho and my favorite little princess. it’s so fucked up that i’m about to reblog gifs of them. (“beth you could just not reblog gifs of them.” but then what’s the point. of course i’m going to reblog gifs of them.) this is so fucked.

and the girls. my girls!! where were they! half of them were basically ignored and the ones that did get attention it was like. wrong. like why was all of rachel’s story her grief about nora and absolutely nothing for the fact she just lost her hand??? like i love that rachel seems to have found a calm inside herself because she was deeply insane before and it was a little freaky at times, but she was WAY too chill about literally getting her hand bit off by a shark. like hello. and fatin… i didn’t have a problem with fatin’s storyline because i just love her and i’m happy to hang out with her anytime (sorry for playing favorites but she’s genuinely my favorite) but she seemed so like, faded? from the character she was in season one idk. i absolutely loved that she took up nora’s journal and figured out leah’s mystery… she was so happy that she would be able to tell leah she was right… she’s literally in gay love with her… anyway leah. LOVED leah this season! she’s just sooo lame and gross and badass and smart and pathetic and perfect… she found her favorite cardigan on a public bus… and she almost won. she was sooo close to getting her friends out of there! she was so close!! aghhhhhh! anyway. next up, martha. what were they even doing with martha. it was all soo. nothing. it was like the writers picked their favorite girls and martha didn’t make the cut so she got the laziest part. there was literally zero attention on her until her breakdown and then they just used that to further toni’s bullshit. which brings me to toni’s bullshit. her characterization was so fucking hot and cold this season. one second she’d be happy and in love and the next she’d be right back to the pissed off girl she was in the very beginning. no middle ground no nuance. and then shelby. was. boring. sorry. and i felt like dot was barely there. missed her a lot.

anyway that was a ton of complaining about my girls. here’s what i liked. i actually liked that shelby and toni were a boring couple, literally gay love wins… didn’t love the whole stupid breakup, because that was truly dumb, but i liked them a lot! dot and fatin remained iconic besties, and fatin was soooo gay this season. and like specifically for leah which was major for the bi leah truthers (we won btw she’s literally bi). and i LOVED everything with leah she was soooooo. ugh just sooooo!!!!!! and rachel was lovely this season i genuinely think getting her hand bit off by a shark was actually good for her. now she can never swim professionally again and she can just chill the fuck out and eat carbs and not stress about shit all the time god bless <3

also. what the fuck is gretchen’s research for. what is she even doing here. just trying to prove that girls rule and boys drool literally. like what exactly is her endgame and why does she need to accomplish it like this?? what’s the point? and how is throwing them all on another island going to do anything? she doesn’t even have any surveillance on the new island. all she has is a secret operative, and it wasn’t actually clear if she was referring to seth or if someone else in one of the groups is an operative. if so i’m betting on shelby sorry.

#the wilds liveblog

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lilareviewsbooks · 11 months

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I'm upset about "The Grace of Kings"

1 star

640 pages

Contains: I’m not even going to tell you because I don’t recommend you read this

This is a negative review! I'd very much not recommend reading it if you're emotionally invested in this series or if it has brought you any kind of joy. I'll be complaining about this book a lot. I'm sorry, but I really didn't like it!

I went into The Grace of Kings thinking I was going to become obsessed with this series. I’d heard very, very good things from reviewers I trust, all saying this is a series of epic proportions that engulfs you and draws you in. People even called it “unique”. Plus, I’d listened, last year, to Mr. LeVar Burton reading Mr. Liu’s famous The Paper Menagerie, and was moved to tears by that short story. I was ready to be dazzled.

I’m guessing that by my star rating you can infer that I was not dazzled.

The Grace of Kings has one of the most pitiful excuses for writing I have ever read. Especially after finishing a lyrical series, like Mr. Seth Dickinson’s brilliant The Masquerade Series, it’s almost impossible to enjoy Mr. Liu’s painfully dry writing style. It’s predictable and boring, leaving no room for nuance. This bleeds into the characterization, as we’re repeatedly told things about these characters we have – painful, dreadful – 600 pages to spend time with.

For instance, the author will show the audience that a character is picking up a bowl of rice. The next sentence is almost always, “he had picked up the rice bowl because he was very hungry, and hated being hungry”, explaining to us the character’s actions. This is, of course, perfectly fine if done in moderation, but dreadful when done frequently. And this is what Mr. Liu does: every decision gets explained, every thought is told to the audience. Absolutely nothing is left to the imagination. This makes the book boring and almost child-like, as it grabs you by the shoulders and painfully reminds you of why certain characters do certain things, as if it didn’t trust you to remember anything about these people you’ve spent so much time reading about.

But the writing misdemeanors don’t stop there. I can’t believe I’m saying this about a published piece of fiction that had multiple reviewers before being put out to the public, but the punctuation is just awful. It's not expressive at all, which causes most of the dialogue to read like it's being spoken in a monotone voice. Actually, no, maybe that's the fault of the dialogue itself, which is as dry as a desert and elicited absolutely no reactions from me even in its throes to be endearing, romantic or funny.

In addition, there are just funky little beginner mistakes. There are words repeated inside sentences, and I once ran into a sentence that had two clauses beginning in "because", one following the other. Plus, chapters end in odd places. Not in a way meant to enact suspense, or a cliff-hanger – though if Mr. Liu was trying to do so, he failed spectacularly – but just… ending. Out of nowhere. Leaving me to turn my pages in alarm, wondering if Amazon forgot to ship me an end to my chapter.

The characters are… fine, I guess, but like most of this book they feel half-baked. The plot is convoluted, to be kind, and a mess, to be frank. With the excuse of The Grace of Kings being "epic", Mr. Liu introduces a series of characters only to find a fate for them off-screen or kill them off in the next couple of chapters. There is no regard for the politics or fine details of administering a) a rebellion; b) a kingdom: c) anything at all, which is fine, I guess, but becomes quite ridiculous by the eleventh time someone unprepared has assumed the control of a province and is doing just fine at managing it. Until the halfway mark it's impossible to predict what's going to happen next – which is also fine, I guess – not because of any genius on Mr. Liu's part, but because the plot is just a bunch of strings all jumbled up together. After that it all becomes very predictable and the pacing is a hot mess, everything moving by super quickly as you watch in desperation – and it was about at that point that I stopped reading.

I also have a very specific bone to pick: why are characters moving from one part of the world to another in literal seconds? They do have flying airships but it's established you need a large crew and that they're only for military use. The lack of any thought to the movement of characters through the space is just an indication of how little care was put into the building of this world.

It's hard to explain just how terrible I found The Grace of Kings, and just how confused I am by everyone's high opinions of this book. I think the best way to put it into words is that it feels like I'm reading a rough – and let's say extra rough, for good measure – draft of what will one day become a great book, if it gets a good editor to take a look at it. The thought of continuing this series – or this book, I did DNF it – fills me with absolute dread. Suffice it to say, I won't be picking up the next book.

Unless someone offers me a thousand dollars. Then I'll reconsider. But I'll bargain, first.

#the dandellion dynasty #the grace of kings #sff books #fantasy books #book review #book reviews #book recommendations #epic fantasy #ken liu #steampunk books #Books books books #bad books

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adultswim2021 · 2 years

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Robot Chicken #31: “Metal Militia” | October 1, 2006 – 11:30PM | S02E13

Welcome to Robot Chicken, where I only talk about the longer sketches, except for the short ones if they particularly make me laugh or piss me off. We're actually gonna start by touching on “Horton Hears A Jew!” which features Horton of “Hears a Who” fame sitting in a comedy club listening to Richard Lewis do stand-up. I liked it. I respected it.

“Used Car Surprise” is pretty good as far these things go. A kid buys a used car and it turns out to be one of the racers from Tron, and every okay gag you could come up with is comed up with. Fairly decent, didn't hate it. But man, do I hate the movie Tron. Hard to look at! Nasty! Why couldn't the entire movie just take place in the arcade? Just be about guys hanging out and eating pizza and probably saying slurs. Arcades used to be the biggest slur-saying place in the 80s. It's weird to think about but it's true.

“Rainbow Brite Breaking & Entering” is about the bad guys from Rainbow Brite trying to steal magic dust or whatever and then they hide while she comes home and acts disgusting. Then she freaking MURDERS THEM with a CHAINSAW. I didn't laugh but I did find myself sorta admiring the craft that went into this one. Sorta didn't hate it?

“Into the Blue Skewering” is another reasonably funny bit where Seth Green explains that they have to write their parodies for current movies months and months before they come out in order for them to stay relevant. The joke is that their parody of Into the Blue is extremely surface level and based on probably the trailer and nothing else. Decent gag. Man, it sounds like I'm warming up to this show but I assure you, most of this stuff didn't make me laugh okay?

Young Indy is a fairly creative sketch about a Indiana Jones as a small child on a modern playground. You ever seen The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles? I never did watch it, but I don't like Indiana Jones enough to seek that out. Anyway, that show was sorta interesting because I think they bounced around between different age Indys, like one week it'd be a story about little kid Indy and another week it'd be a story about teenage Indy, etc. And I think they were all two-part episodes so they could be smushed into feature-length edits and sold on video. Did you know that they released a big box set with the TV shows AND the movies combined, and they actually assigned chapter numbers to the movies on the VHS spine. Like, I remember finding a Temple of Doom VHS tape that bore the words “CHAPTER 23″ or something on the spine. I'm sorry, this is all I want to talk about!

The last big segment is Hogan's Heroes but it's Hulk Hogan, who I think is the worst guy I genuinely love. He shows up with a bunch of 80s wrestlers and is in a Nazi POW camp and stuff. I didn't really like this or care about it in anyway, despite my irrational love of the bomb-dropper himself, “the Hulkster”

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #robot chicken

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pennylanefics · 3 years

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First Meeting - Jacob Black

a/n: sorry i haven’t been posting many fics. still so caught up with school and i know these next two weeks are going to be STRESSFUL. also i’m not super proud of this :/

•••

“So, you’re a werewolf?” You confirm, glancing towards Jacob. He nods, shoving his hands in his pockets, continuing to walk beside you.

“It’s something I was born with and I couldn’t help imprinting on you,” he explains a little more.

He had taken you on a walk on the Beach at La Push to tell you that he had imprinted on you the other day, and to inform you of the history of his tribe and what it meant.

“Well, it’s certainly lots of new information, but I’m glad you told me,” you smile. He returns the gesture and wraps an arm around your waist.

“I really wasn’t supposed to, but there was no way I couldn’t. I love you and I hate not telling you things, so the pack will just have to deal with it.”

“The pack?” You wonder.

“Yeah. All of us that have the shapeshifting gene. We’re kind of like a big family. Sam’s the alpha, and the rest of us have to follow his orders. Paul, Jared, Seth, Leah, Quil, and Embry.”

“Quil and Embry are like you too?”

“Uh huh. And I want to introduce you to them. All of them.” You stop in your tracks, causing Jacob to walk a few steps ahead before stopping as well.

“What?” He asks.

“You want me to meet the pack? The people that are like your family?”

“Yeah. I think it’d be great for you to get to know them and be close with them, considering you’re going to be around for a while,” he chuckles. You, however, were still very nervous.

It shocked you a bit. Sure, you’ve known each other for a while, and you’ve been dating for a short while, but the whole imprinting and werewolf thing was new to you. You weren’t sure about this all. It all happened so fast.

“Uh, maybe it’d be better if we wait a little bit. I mean, I just learned about all of this, can I have some time to process it?” Jacob sighs and nods his head understandingly.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he whispers, pulling you in for a hug.

He waited about a week until he asked you again. The following day, the pack was going to be at Sam and Emily’s all day, so he thought it would be a good time to meet them, relaxed and lounging around, better than a fancy, uptight dinner.

As much as you were dreading it, you agreed, knowing it would make Jake happy. You dressed in a casual, comfy outfit, and hopped into Jacob’s car to ride over there. The entire drive, though, your hands were fidgeting in your lap. Jacob eventually reaches over and holds your hand in his to help calm you.

Walking inside, you felt the atmosphere change. Everyone was staring at you, pausing whatever they were doing. You suddenly felt very self-concious and shy, which makes you curl into Jacob’s side.

“Hey guys, this is (Y/N),” he introduces. Everyone gathers around in front of you, introducing themselves one by one. You offer a shy wave to every one, and the tension in the air is awkward.

“Why don’t you settle in, (Y/N), would you like a muffin?” Emily warmly offers you.

“Sure, thanks,” you smile softly, plucking one from the plate. Jacob guides you into the living room and takes a seat on the couch with you. The pack suspiciously watches from the kitchen, not knowing what to think of you yet.

“I don’t think that went well, Jake,” you whisper, keeping your head down. His hand comes up to rub your back.

“We still have the rest of the day, everything will be fine.”

It was, for the most part. You were still quite shy and not exactly interactive, your mind racing, overthinking every little thing you said and did.

When lunch was ready, you all sat around two small tables, you and Jake at a table with Embry, Quil, and Jared. They asked you about yourself, which you answered shortly and softly.

You could tell you weren’t making a good impression, and that thought only made your anxiety worse.You were trying hard to socialize, but your brain was so clouded. At one point, you get very overwhelmed and take a step outside, Jacob watching after you, worried.

He can hear the other’s thoughts when you do.

What is she doing now? Jared

What’s so hard about answering simple questions about herself? Paul

She seems...boring. Embry

Jacob growls at every one of them and stands up, storming outside to find you. Yet you are no where to be found. He searches the entire perimeters of the house, but he finally notices you in his car. Climbing into the driver’s seat, he’s hesitant.

“What’s on your mind, baby?” He softly questions. Your heart skips a beat from his gentle tone.

“I can’t...I can’t stop thinking about what they think of me, and it’s making this all worse and I want them to like me, but with how today’s going, I don’t think they do,” you ramble. Jacob shifts in his seat, scared to tell you what he just heard from them.

“(Y/N), it doesn’t matter what they think about you. If they don’t like you, that’s on them. You’re an amazing woman, and I love you so much. You’re my imprint and you’re not going anywhere. No matter what they think.”

“But you said they’re like your brothers! What am I supposed to think or do if your own brothers don’t like me?”

“Deal with it. Let them come around to see it just takes time for you to get used to new people, and especially get used to this life. I know they’re going to love you as soon as you start spending more time with them.”

“But-”

“No buts! I’ll go back in there and tell them that you’re not feeling well and we can go home, see them another day, but in a smaller group. Maybe getting to know them one by one would be better.”

“How are you going to lie to them when they can read your thoughts?” Jacob chuckles and shakes his head.

“Oh yeah, I forgot I told you that,” he says.

“So, what are you going to tell them?”

“That you got a bit overwhelmed with everything and are still trying to deal with it all, and that you need a bit more space. I’ll tell them it was my fault.”

“Because it is your fault,” you laugh. Jacob scoffs playfully and opens the door.

“Okay, okay, sassy pants. Just relax and I’ll be back. I’ll pack up our lunch and take it home.”

Jacob returns minutes later, Sam walking out with him to chat with you for a moment.

“Hey, we know this isn’t going to be easy for you, and trust me, it took Emily a while, even after what happened. But I know you’re going to fit right in,” Sam tells you. You smile gratefully and open your door to hug him.

“Thank you. I promise to be back soon, maybe when there’s less people.”

“Why don’t you and Jake come over for dinner one night? Just you, him, Emily and me?” He offers.

“That’d be great.” Sam looks to Jacob and nods.

“We’ll find a day maybe next week or the following,” Sam says.

“Yeah, we’ll talk and work out a day,” Jacob replies. Sam heads back inside and Jacob starts the car up, driving home in silence.

He puts your leftovers in the fridge for later as you settle into your couch, eyes falling shut.

“Come here,” Jacob whispers, pulling you into his arms after he takes a seat. You are pulled flush against his chest, inhaling the scent of your favorite cologne of his. “I love you.” His voice is just as soft as before.

“I love you too, Jake. I’m so-”

“If you apologize in any way, I’m not going to accept it,” he chuckles. You sigh and smack his arm.

“I really am, though. I know how important it is to you for me to meet them and get to know them. And the fact that I got caught up in my own thoughts to do so-”

“It makes you human. No one would be able to act normal around a group of people that they just found out are shapeshifting werewolves. I don’t hate you, I’m not upset with you, and trust me, I would much rather have a lazy day in with you than listen to them yell and scream and fight with each other.”

You don’t respond, and instead stay cuddled up against him, his warm body comforting you, along with his hand stroking your back.

“I’m so grateful for you,” he mumbles against your forehead.

#jacob black #jacob black imagines #jacob black x reader #jacob black imagine #twilight #twilight new moon #twilight eclipse #the twilight saga #imagines #fanfiction #fanfic

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a-vild-bluemyrtle · 2 years

Text

On how to find your way home | Seth x OC | Post breaking Dawn | Fifth Chapter

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_______ Masterpost - find all the chapters: here

Prologue: tumblr post - FF.net - AO3 - Wattpad

First Chapter - ONE: tumblr post - FF.net - AO3 - Wattpad

Second Chapter - TWO: tumblr post - FF.net - AO3 - Wattpad

Third Chapter - THREE:- tumblr post - FF.net - AO3 - Wattpad

Fourth Chapter - FOUR: - tumblr post - FF.net - AO3 - Wattpad

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FIVE

“If I choose you, you are going to be rotten tomorrow evening when I need you. But if I choose you” – I say picking up the second of the only three avocados in the store – “you’re going to be unripe tomorrow, so useless.” I sigh, curling my lips and then biting my bottom lip while thinking about which of them to choose.

“Don’t make me start with you, sir”, I keep going, talking to the third avocado.

I hear a slight cough next to me.

“Do you always speak to your vegetables or you’re just going insane?” Seth asks, looking at me with curiosity and then laughing out loud.

“Upsie”, I can feel my cheeks becoming hotter for the embarrassment. “I swear, it only happens with avocados, they tend to destroy my meal plans every time I buy them!” I try to justify myself, grinning at him and rolling my eyes.

“It happened with the lemons too, though”, he mockingly replies.

It has been an hour since Seth took me to this giant grocery shop just outside Forks, and the only things I have in my shopping basket are almond milk, greek yoghurt and lemons indeed. He is patiently following me through the aisles and listening to me talking to myself or the food and laughing from time to time because of what I say.

I wasn’t expecting to find him on my front porch this morning. I don’t know why but a part of me was happy to see him and be with him, and another part was almost relieved; and then, when he offered to take me to the grocery shop, both parts of me were enthusiastic.

“I think I am going to stick with the unripe one”, I say, picking the avocado up and then immediately put it again in his place. “Or maybe not…”, I continue picking up the first one, again.

“Oh, damn, choose one Cordelia”, I finally say picking again the unripe avocado.

Seth shakes his head, chuckling and then follows me while I start walking through the aisles one more time.

“How can you spend so much time here? Don’t you get bored or something? I usually hate it.”

He says, helping me picking some packages of pasta from the top shelf, obviously too high for me.

At those words, I freeze, thinking that maybe he showed up to my house just to ask me something quickly and go straight away. Guilty feelings start taking control of my stomach and without any logical reason, I kind of feel bad because of his words. Am I bothering him? Or worse, annoying him?

“I am-I am sorry. You could have said it. I…”, it is just a whisper, said while lowering my head, but I think he heard it because I see him freezing too, his arm still up with the packages of pasta in his hands. He looks at me, frowning his eyebrows, and then he realizes. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth to speak but he can’t say anything at the beginning.

“Wait… NO! That’s not what I meant. I am not… Take all the time you need; I don’t hate it!” He says vehemently, never looking away; his eyes stuck in mine, dark brown into caramel.

I see him blushing, or at least I think so, it’s slightly hard to say considering his russet skin, a bit darker than mine. Anyway, he looks so cute.

“No, but seriously. If you have to go, don’t worry. I can call Jake or Rachel, or even Paul to pick me up”.

“I took you here, Cordelia, and I am the one who’s going to bring you home.” He says as we start walking again. “It’s that…”, he rolls his eyes, a little embarrassed, “every time I come with mom or Leah or they send me here alone, I can never pick the junk food I want. I have to buy all this healthy stuff they’re obsessed with…” he finishes the sentence jokingly miming a repelled expression.

I sigh, shaking my head and grinning.

“Yeah but… today, you’re here with me…” I say, signalling him to follow me with my free hand, and I guide him to the junk food aisle.

“And you can pick whatever you want. Really…anything”, I continue, stopping him at the beginning of the aisle and moving my free arm gesturing a grand entrance.

He looks at me, confusion in those big eyes. I huff, moving ahead and stopping near the chips’ shelves. Then, with a single movement of my arm, I make a lot of random chips bags fall from the shelf directly into the basket. I look at him again with a knowing smile. He finally realizes what I mean.

“No. No, come on. I can’t take advantage of you”, he immediately replies, earning an angry look from me. I cluck my tongue in disapproval and then I huff again.

“Please. It’s the least I can do after this. You’re wasting your time here with me even though you don’t like it!”

“It’s… I didn’t mean that”.

“Whatever you meant; I don’t care. Chose anything you want. And If you feel guilty about taking these things home with you, we could always eat them together at my place”. I say naively, smiling at him.

Talking to Seth in this way is so easy, as it is to be around him. It almost feels like we have known each other since always and not just three days ago.

I see a smirk appearing on his face.

“In this case, I think I am headed to the ice cream aisle”, he replies, raising his eyebrows slyly.

“Coming right away with ya! I need to reload my stock of peanut butter and salted caramel Häagen-Dazs”.

We both laugh as we start walking again. I swear I have never been so light-hearted as I am right now next to him. I have not stopped smiling since he showed up and I am glad he did. These last few days have been so difficult and lonely, and I needed to get out of the house for some fresh air and good company. And Seth’s company is the best I can get right now. If only I could freeze this moment forever and keep smiling like this, with him, for the days to come. If only I could avoid seeing what my eyes are seeing right now. If only one day of my life could be easy and completely happy.

Did I believe for a second that my life could be this good? Did I really believe that my past would have stayed in the past? That it wouldn’t hurt anymore?

What a fool. I never learn.

At that view, my legs stop moving and I feel my heart pounding in my chest like a hammer. My father is here, in this same shop, at this same hour, in this same aisle. And he is not alone. A boy around Seth’s age is with him, laughing at his words, choosing with him what ice cream to pick.

“Hey, Embry! Mr Call!”

And it seems that Seth knows them. Seth knows my father. Seth knows my father and apparently, he is friend with his son.

What I would give to run away in this exact moment, to go back to New York, hug my mother and cry like a baby. The idea to move here seems so stupid right now. I knew one day I had to meet him; it would have been impossible not to meet each other in this little town but I wasn’t expecting to see him so soon.

And I wasn’t expecting to see him happy with his son, either.

Jealousy. It’s all I can feel. He abandoned me, he called me a mistake, but he decided to raise the son born from an adulterous affair and marry the woman with whom he cheated on my mom. He chose to abandon me to raise another human being.

I see Seth getting near them and talk to them like it is nothing, like he does not know what happened.

Because he really doesn’t. Remember, just a few people know actually.

I keep staring at them, my mouth half opened and my eyes watery. I cannot afford to cry here, right now, not in front of him. I will never give him the satisfaction to see me hurt or in pain.

I am furious, so much that I start shaking a bit.

“Sue is making you do the grocery shop, kiddo?” Archibald Call says, patting one of Seth’s big and muscled shoulders. The latter smiles bashfully and starts scratching the back of his neck with one hand.

“Actually, I am here with Co…” He looks next to himself and does not find me.

I quickly lower my head towards the refrigerator compartment pretending to look at the food.

“Oh, there she is! Cordelia, come here!” He shouts at me.

I pretend again to be a little disoriented, looking around to search for Seth. But I know exactly where he is.

All three of them are now staring at me, waiting for me to move or say something. Smiling, I reach Seth’s side and look at my father right in his eyes. The tension among us is so thick that it could be cut with a knife. The same knife I would use to cut off that sarcastic and repellant smile from my father’s face. I have never understood why he keeps treating me like this, like I am not good enough to live on this Earth.

I get closer to Seth until our elbows touch, hoping that this little physical contact can help me not having a mental breakdown in the ice cream aisle.

“Cordelia Black”. The way he pronounces my name makes me shiver in disgust. The only revenge I have had in the past was changing my surname. Years ago, I didn’t like the idea to have the surname of a person who hated me, who verbally abused me, who asked my mother to abort before it was too late; so, I decided to change it with my mother’s one. If on my birth certificate it is said that I do not have a father, why keeping his stupid surname? I wanted to cut off every legal and emotional connection I had with him. I was born a Black and I will stay a Black until death. Instead of revenge though, I did him a favour. He was patiently waiting for that moment to finally express what he really felt about me: I wasn’t his daughter; I have never been, and I will never be. I remember every second of that conversation in court and I also remember the exact moment in which my heart broke in so many pieces that it is still impossible to assemble them again, even after so many years. Uncle Billy almost hit him in his face after what he said, and my mother was so furious that Rachel had to block her to not let her run towards Archibald and kill him.

How could someone say something like that to his daughter? To his own flesh and blood?

It took me hundreds of hours sitting in my therapist’s studio to get over it, and sometimes his cruel words still haunt my dreams and echo in my mind.

“Do you already know each other?” Seth asks visibly surprised, looking suspiciously at Archibald’s son.

“Yes, Seth. I already know who Mr Call is”, I reply tenderly smiling at him and gently putting my hand on his elbow.

“But I think you have never met my son, Embry”, Archibald provocatively says to me. Sometimes I just think he is the teenage between us and I am the responsible adult. I immediately look at Embry, who seems similar to Seth: kind of same height, same strong native traits, even though Seth has wider shoulders and he is more gangly than Embry. There is no comparison at all, though, Seth wins the match and the entire game.

“It’s nice to meet you… finally”. It’s all I have to say to him. I try to keep my smile while saying those words even though all I want now is to become invisible and run away as far as my legs can take me.

“Nice to meet you too”. He mumbles without looking at me, not even for a second.

I cannot express in words how much it hurts to finally meet someone who stole my family and my childhood. For many years I thought it was all his fault. If he hadn’t been born maybe I would have had a real father, maybe Archibald would have loved me… maybe I could have stayed in La Push and not move. But in the end, after nights spent crying and days spent under my sheets or in my therapist’s office, I understood that his absence wouldn’t have changed anything. Archibald Call did not want another child at that time, he did not want me, he specifically did not want a child with my mother even if he was married to her. I was a mistake; I knew it when I was only a child and I still know it now. How am I supposed to forget it if it’s the first thing I remember about my childhood?

I gulp, starting to get uncomfortable but never stop smiling. I will never let him win this. In the most natural and tender way, Seth protectively puts his arm around my waist, never touching me. I get slightly stiff and turn my head in his direction. What I see are deep and sweet dark brown eyes that reassuringly look at me, and what I feel is an overwhelming calming sensation: Seth is the best person I could have at my side in a situation like this.

“I think we should go back to our shopping, Coco”, he says still looking and smiling at me. I am a little surprised about that nickname. I have never allowed anyone to use a nickname with me, I love my first name too much to let someone ruin it. However, there is something in the sweet and tender tone he has used that makes me want to listen to him calling me like that over and over again. The way he has marked the first “c” and the ease with which he has used the name makes me almost like it. At these thoughts, I blush again, and I try to lower my face to hide it, but I cannot stop a little smirk to appear on my face.

Seth turns his head back to Archibald and Embry.

“Always a pleasure to meet you Mr Call”, he greets. “See you at Emily’s, Em!”

I am not the only one to notice that his tone changes when he addresses his friend. It’s not as much friendly as before, but not cold either.

“The pleasure is mine. Goodbye Seth. Goodbye Miss Black”. Archibald replies, gesturing Embry to follow him while he starts walking.

“Goodbye Mr Call”, I say before he gets too far.

Embry does not answer, he just lowers his head and follows his father.

I hear Seth sighing and taking a deep breath, his arm still around my waist.

“Thank you” I breathe, looking at him with an int of shame in my eyes. I don’t know if he has understood what just happened. He is worried, I can see it all over his face, but he is trying to cover it. Too late, Seth.

What I didn’t know moments before and what I will learn in the years to come is that Seth Clearwater has the ability to make the light shine even in the darkest place on earth. He can make you smile even in your darkest days, without asking nothing in return. And I will never thank him enough for this.

He shakes his head and one of the brightest smiles I have ever seen appears on his adorable face.

“Let’s hurry, we have plans for this afternoon”.

We start walking again through the aisles, his arm never leaving my waist, his eyes never leaving my figure. He keeps talking to me like nothing ever happened, he is trying his best to make me smile and laugh again and it is working, because in just ten minutes all those negative thoughts and emotions disappear from my mind. Seth can handle and cure my traumas much more than my therapist can.

It’s still raining when we get out of the grocery shop and go back to my grandparents’ house, full of food. Seth stops his car in my driveway and comes to open my door before going to the back and take all the bags, under the pouring rain.

I immediately get off the car and open the umbrella, hurrying to the back of the car to cover him.

“Let me help you, these are too many for one person!” I say, while he still manages to close the hood of the car despite all the paper bags.

“Nah, no worries”, he replies as we head towards the front porch. I quickly close my umbrella, leaving it outside, open the door and let him enter first.

“Kitchen is down the hallway”, I inform him, guiding him there.

He places all the bags on the dining table and only at this moment I realize that maybe I bought too many things. “I can feed the entire tribe for a month at least.”

Seth laughs, taking off his jacket and so do I. “Can I take it?” I ask. He nods and gives it to me. I go back to the entrance and hang both jackets in a little small closet, then I rapidly come back to the kitchen where I find him taking out all the groceries from the bags.

“Stop there! You have already done too much today!” I tell him, gently blocking his hands with mine. A sudden dizzy feeling makes my stomach turn, hundreds of butterflies flying around when our eyes meet. I haven’t realized that I am too close to him and our faces are an inch away from each other’s’.

I can sense a strange heat coming from his body, which does nothing but increasing the heat my body is generating for the proximity of our faces. Despite the embarrassment and the visible pinkish colour my cheeks are taking on, I can’t take my eyes off him, like the first night we met. And it seems that the same thing is happening to him.

Then he coughs and looks away, shyly. How can a guy so tall, muscled and a bit hunky be so shy and have such doe puppy eyes? I wonder.

“Mh… What about a movie while we binge-eat all this junk food?”, I ask a little embarrassed. Only now I am realizing that I practically invited him to spend time with me, alone, in my own house.

Is this an indirect date? Oh no.

Seth nods at my question.

“Out in the hallway, on the right, there is a room with a yellow armchair. I have every subscription ever on the tv, just pick whatever you like”, I continue, encouraging him.

“Sure you want me to choose?” he replies grinning. “I am really into splatter things”. He continues, talking more to himself than to me as he heads to the library room.

“WOAH”, he shouts out loud. “Never seen so many books in the same place!”

“It’s called a library. Never seen one?” I joke, replying from the kitchen while hurrying to put the groceries in the fridge and in the kitchen cabinets.

“Of course, I know what a library is, Coco!” He replies annoyed and sighs loudly, “I meant…Never seen so many books in the same room!”

“Never went to a bookstore before?” I try not to laugh, and I stick out my tongue a little bit.

I hear Seth huffing again, this time exasperated.

“Not funny, and you have a problem with all these books”, is his only reply. Then, he turns on the tv and starts zapping through the streaming platforms.

In the meantime, I am preparing our healthy meal: peanut butter ice cream with meringues and a little bit of melted chocolate for me, lemon and cream ice cream with shortbread chunks for Seth, flaming’ hot Cheetos, spicy sweet chilli Doritos and so many other things that I cannot even tell. Just looking at this stuff is making me gain 20 pounds.

When I am ready, I reach Seth in the library room and put all the stuff on the coffee table in front of the tv, which hangs on the fireplace. He looks at them in a childish enthusiastic way.

“Oh, I am in heaven!” He exclaims before grabbing his bowl. “Thank you”, he slurs, while chomping on a huge spoon of ice cream.

I laugh seeing him eating it so ferociously. “Did you choose anything?” I take my bowl too and start eating my ice cream, in a normal and human way.

He nods again, never looking away from his food.

“How much do you like Star Wars?” He asks me while taking another huge spoon of ice cream.

“Never seen it”, I reply with absolute naturalness. He almost chokes.

“I am sorry, what did you say?” he looks at me like I’m some sort of alien or something.

“That I have never seen Star Wars…?” My tone is suspicious. I can’t even finish my sentence that he throws me a look of disappointment. He then shakes his head in disapproval and points a finger at me.

“We have to fix this, right now”, he says while putting on a movie. “You are going to love it, trust me”, he continues, pressing the play button on Star Wars Episode IV – A New Hope.

I look at him while I keep eating my ice cream, a little bit surprised but delighted to see him so excited about a movie. I cannot help but smile while looking at him talking so animatedly and enthusiastic about the plot and the characters. I don’t hear a single word, though, too busy observing how bright his eyes are when he speaks about something he likes, how passionate he is about it and how he is comfortably leaning on my couch like he is used to it, like he has done this many times before.

Again, I have this strange feeling about him, to have known him since always. The butterflies in my stomach are hitting hard now, and I let myself be overwhelmed by that dizziness, enchanted by the sight of that gangly boy talking so fervently about a stupid movie while eating ice cream.

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orangefoxes · 3 years

Note

Hey, so I've been trying to submit a prompt but it won't work so here it goes I know this will be sad but what if Neil gets really sad and depressed (the reason is up for interpretation ex: bullied by jack or is haunted by PTSD) and so he becomes full of self hate and becomes anorexic and cuts himself #andreil (this would mean so much since I've been through similar circumstances and was strong enough to pull through and keep living, this book and your Tumblr have helped me so much)

Hi @soph-ie21 I am so sorry this took a whopping 4 years for me to post. I’m terrible for not checking my inbox as my notifications have been turned off for tumblr since I was like 13. I’m so glad to hear that you recovered from your ED, you must be so strong and I’m so proud of you as I know how difficult that is to do. I’m hoping this is the sort of prompt you were looking for, if you’re even looking after this long, as it’s not very dialogue heavy, but here you go.

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER, SELF LOATHING, ANOREXIA.

When in high stress situations, to cope, the brain releases a hormone called cortisol. It’s alright in small doses, helpful even. It triggers your fight or flight response and readies the body to do something, fast. Constant exposure to the hormone however, has some not so good long term effects. Effects that include, but are not limited to: high blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis, and, arguably the mildest, weight gain.

Cortisol results in weight gain for two reasons. The first is because it slows your metabolism, and the second is because the drop in blood sugar from constant high blood pressure means that you start craving fatty, sugary foods, which leads to overeating. Neil’s memory is not nearly good enough for him to recall what foods he had craved over the years, but he and his mother shied away from sweets and chocolate for dental reasons, it probably would have been a hardship for many kids growing up but Neil had never much cared for sugar anyway. However, what he and his mother did indulge in is a lot of fatty, fast food. Partly because it was cheap, partly because it was something they could eat while on the move, and partly because no one would look twice at two sketchy people in a Burger King or remember a beaten up old car briefly pausing in a drive thru.

While never giving much thought to how he looked (short of checking for ginger roots and the bruise on his cheek from where his mother had slapped that smile from his face), Neil does remember his weight fluctuating a lot when he was younger. The more stressful the months, the chubbier he got. It was in the quiet periods as he and his mother settled down and didn’t dare to venture into the supermarket too often that he began to lose it again. It was a cycle.

In Millport, Neil was at his lowest weight yet. There was only a solitary McDonald’s in town and Neil wasn’t about to become a regular. He stocked up on tinned food from the supermarket in his first week in town instead and meticulously made his way through them, heating the can up on the hot plate he had bought for four dollars from the thrift store in the high street.

He gained weight again once he started at Palmetto, he gained muscle mass too. This, of course, was thanks to three free meals a day and a new training regime with daily exercise. It was to be expected, but if, perhaps, he gained weight quicker than his teammates and muscle slower, well, he had bigger things to worry about.

Then he knew he was going to live.

Then everything with the Moriyamas was…well, not gone, but resolved.

That’s not to say there was nothing to stress about. There was the influx of reporters wanting to catch the Foxes’ attention to ask about Nathaniel Wesninski. There was Kevin’s impending break down as Riko’s funeral came and went. There was Aaron’s trial. Honestly it probably would have gone as stressful situations for Neil always go - here and gone just as quickly - except it turns out that Nicky cooks when he’s stressed, and Neil, well, he’s a stress eater.

After Aaron is declared innocent, Nicky resumes as normal. Neil…not quite. He’s constantly opening the cupboards to look for something to eat only to close them again when he finds nothing of interest. Without Nicky cooking, there’s nothing he can easily dig into and Neil, while accumulating many skills over the years, had never been a hand in the kitchen. The only things ready-eat that were consistently in the dorm were ramen and ice-cream. Even the thought of ramen makes Neil want to vomit and Neil wasn’t so desperate that he would resort to eating something as sweet as ice cream. Not that Andrew would let him if he did. (Andrew wasn’t a sharer).

He started to feel hungry.

He was always hungry.

The first few days he started to skip meals, he didn’t even notice he was doing it. Surely he didn’t notice he was doing it.

It’s just -

Here’s the thing.

Maybe he stress eats. Maybe his mother did too. They spent long car journeys with a family sized bag of potato chips resting by the gear stick and they spent half the time stuffing handfuls into their mouths and the other half checking the mirrors for cars that stayed behind them a touch to long. So maybe he stress ate, but it was never because of hunger: it was because of craving. It was because it gave him something to do with his hands. It was only when things quietened down, when the weeks turned long with the monotonous almost-existence that took up the majority of Neil’s life growing up (here’s something no one tells you about life on the run, in between the moments of sheer terror, it’s very very very boring), it was only then, that Neil actually began to feel things like hunger.

So when the hunger pangs began to curdle in his stomach, well, he didn’t mind. It meant he was safe enough to feel the hunger.

Maybe for the first couple of days he didn’t notice it. But then he noticed it.

He noticed enough to avoid things like rice and bread. Danger foods that packed on the calories and that made him bite the inside of his cheek until it bled at the mere thought. He noticed enough that he began to watch the others train and saw their muscles flex and couldn’t help but track their muscle growth and measure it up against his own. He always found himself lacking.

That’s when it started to get worse. If Allison spent 20 minutes on the treadmill. Then Neil would do 30. If Kevin did 40 push ups. Then Neil would do 50. If Renee had a salad for lunch, then Neil would just have a fruit pot.

The first time Andrew noticed that he skipped a meal, Neil just blinked. Being who he was, Neil didn’t do stupid things like stumble for lies and this time was no different. When Andrew asked about him not eating Neil just blinked like he hadn’t even noticed until Andrew brought it up.

He blinked and said “oh, you’re right. I got so caught up in watching exy reruns i didn’t even notice”

He said, “thanks, I’ll grab something in a sec”

Andrew breathed a scoffing breath down his nose, rolled his eyes and called him a junkie. He didn’t look at all surprised, as though Neil was only confirming what he had already guessed. Which of course is the trick all good liars employ.

Neil wondered if he would be surprised if he were to find out how impossible it would be for Neil to forget a meal time. He could never forget. All he thought about was food. It was all he thought about.

Food began to feel like it was all he cared about. Cared about more than school. Cared about more than exy. Is it terrible of him that that more than anything else feels like the worst thing?

And then, as things do, it got worse.

It turned into Neil stood in front of the mirror (looking at his body but not his eyes, never his eyes) and pinching the flesh between his fingers. Noticing every part of him that didn’t harden into muscle like the others. Noticing all the scars that had stretched strangely over a waist and thighs that are no longer as small.

He begins to peck at his food. Rip it into tiny pieces. Andrew looks down at his plate and glowers at him. Neil gives him a cheeky grin. He knows what he’s thinking. That this is just another one of those Andrew-mannerisms that Neil is taking on for himself. Like the sarcastic salutes and the blank, waiting stares. It’s so much easier to hide how little you’ve eaten when it’s all in pieces.

He didn’t know how to explain it. He just knows he needs to be thinner. He needs to weigh less. It’s not about looks. It’s never been about looks. He just needs to do this. He needs to be smaller. It will be alright then. Because then…then…

Well it will be alright then.

So here’s the thing about guilt and self loathing: they’re useless emotions. Andrew would be quick to agree. (Though Andrew is a hypocrite and is chock full of the both of them). His mother would agree too. How many times had Neil slipped poison into someone’s drink, stole from someone just as desperate, shot someone who maybe or maybe-not deserved it? And how many times after that did his mother pinch and prod at him and repeat the same mantra of “don’t you dare let guilt slow you down, you slow down and you’re dead”

Well, Mum, he’s slowed down. He slowed down so much that he’s stopped altogether and guess what? He fucking hates himself.

He replays it all in his head like a terrible loop. The boy in Switzerland that he tricked into taking his jacket so His fathers men would go after him instead. The old women he and his mother tricked into housing them and then slipped something in her tea until she slept and never woke up again. The homeless man who had broken into the house they were squatting in that Neil had shot on instinct. Seth.

Seth. Seth. Seth.

He fucking hates himself. Honestly the hunger pains kind of feel like the best thing he’s ever felt after that. The pain, the ache, he deserves it.

Then it gets worse. Then comes the worst part.

Andrew’s meds change again. The others had begun to make him irritable and he always had an energy crash by about 5pm and a terrible headache. The new ones wouldn’t be of much note as they did nothing groundbreakingly different, short of getting rid of the headaches and not sapping so much of his energy.

Except for one key side effect of the meds.

They suppressed Andrew’s appetite.

More and more Andrew is missing meals. He won’t even eat more than a tablespoon of ice cream. Neil watches him and adjusts himself to suit. He doesn’t know why, but he just can’t be eating more than him, he can’t.

The frustration he feels about Andrew’s meds soon turn to resentment. He hates that he has to watch Andrew not eat and not seem affected by it at all. Andrew lessens his exercise under Betsy’s advice and yet nothing changes. His weight stays the same. He probably even loses some thanks to the loss of muscle. Neil watches and Neil hates. He hates that if he skipped out on training he would pack on the pounds, he hates that his stomach hurt and hurts and Andrew doesn’t spare a thought on food at all.

He starts to avoid the roof. He starts to dodge Andrew’s gaze the same way he does his own in the mirror.

The next time they’re alone and Andrew leans in, more hesitant than he’s been in months, Neil jerks back and snaps “No.”

It isn’t even completely because of the resentment. The majority of it is because he feels disgusting and fat and he can’t bare Andrew touching him right now. Can’t bare him looking at him.

Andrew’s face closes off and he slides back to the other side of the couch. He’s searching Neil’s face, trying to find the misstep, trying to find what he did wrong.

Good, let him think he did something wrong.

Now that’s the resentment.

It’s immediately one of the worst things Neil has ever thought. He remembers sitting, trembling, on the roof, Andrew refusing to touch him saying “I wont be like them, I wont let you let me be”

And Neil’s trying to make him think, wants to make him feel -

Jesus Christ. He’s a piece of fucking shit.

He slams his way out of the dorm and runs and runs and runs.

He sleeps in the locker room and slumps out in the morning so he’s first in the main room for the meeting with Wymack. He sits on a chair that’s as far away from every other seat as it can get while still completing the make do semi-circle around where Wymack usually stands. When the others begin to filter in they take in his new seat, but don’t comment when they see his storming expression.

When Andrew sees him he pauses for a beat in the doorway before continuing to his usual seat on the couch. He stares at Neil blankly, but his hands are clenching and unclenching in his lap. Wymack hesitates but doesn’t say anything. The others play at being uninterested and only Aaron openly looks between Neil and Andrew with a steadyingly darkening expression.

Neil slams his locker and gets changed in the cubicles for the first time in months. He’s vicious in practice. Throwing in as many dirty moves as he can. Andrew stands in the goal and does nothing. When it’s only Wymack’s sharp whistle that stops Neil bringing his racket down on Matt’s arm when he attempts to steal the ball, Neil is benched.

He yanks off his helmet and slumps down on the bench and tries to remember how to breathe through rage.

He’s sat, pinching at the skin on his thigh, for ten minutes before Allison joins him. She holds out a breakfast bar and Neil stiffens.

“Eat, it might help you stop being such a raging asshole,” she says.

Neil takes the breakfast bar and when she doesn’t immediately leave he opens it and snaps a bit off with his fingers.

He stares down the rolled oats and nuts and grimaces at the sticky feeling of the syrup that holds them together. He feels sick.

“Are you going to eat?” Allison says.

Neil looks at her and huffs a bitter breath through his nose. A wry smile pulls at the corner of his lips.

He remembers that Allison battled bulimia for years.

You can’t lie to a liar.

She looks at his face. Concern trying to become anger that she’s trying to force to stay concern. She looks at his face and then over at Andrew, who is stood in his goal watching them as Kevin shouts at him to fucking do something already. She looks back at Neil.

“You know, relationships are hard enough without mental health problems in the mix. Seth and I were a terrible combination for many reasons and that was one them. I’m not saying it can’t be done or that it shouldn’t be done, I’m just saying it makes it so much harder. He used to try to make me eat. I hated him for that. Hated that I had to hide my own habits in my own room. One day, after he stopped me from going to purge one too many times we got into an argument. I said some disgusting things to him. The next day he was in the hospital because of an overdose. He had to get his stomach pumped. You know what the worst thing is? I don’t even remember what it is I said. I don’t know if what I did triggered him or if it would have happened anyway, but it couldn’t have helped. You’re always going to trigger each other at one point or another, it’s unavoidable. But if you know that and you don’t do anything to help yourself…well that’s when every shit thing you think about yourself starts to become true. So tell me, are you a piece of shit that’s going to drag everyone down with you, or are you better than that?”

Neil looks down at the breakfast bar. He still can’t make himself eat it.

He swallows harshly against the lump in his throat. He has to swallow two more times until he’s sure he can talk without crying.

“What’s betsy’s number?” He asks.

Allison doesn’t smile, but she nods like he’s done the right thing and pulls out her phone.

SIDE NOTE: I’d like to point out that Neil is very flawed and toxic in his thinking and Allison is harsh in what she says to him just because she’s a harsh person. If you have an eating disorder I know sometimes help and recovery seems like the worst thing in world and something you really don’t want, but please, please seek help. You can do it.

#Neil josten #andrew minyard #Allison Reynolds #the foxhole court #andreil #all for the game #anorexia #eating disorder

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aftgficlibrary · 3 years

Note

Are there any AUs where renison or lailalverez is the main pairing?

there are quite a few but here you go -maz

renison:

Before All I Heard Was Silence by moonqueerdom (T | 7,430 | 1/1)

Allison's eyes widened and her face burned immediately, spreading to her neck and the tips of her ears. "Oh my gosh, Renee," she lowered her face and covered it with her hands.

Renee chuckled. "She is beautiful when she blushes, ok noted."

"Oh my gosh, Walker, stop that," Allison's voice was too wobbly and high-pitched even for her own ears, and there was a grin threatening to pop on her lips.

About to disappear in the afterlife, Allison Reynolds meets Renee Walker, who was ready to change her life even after death.

Last Café by uberimmortal (M | 4,802 | 1/1)

Like every weekend for the past year, Renee finds herself on a Saturday morning in front of the Last Cafe. She takes a deep breath, key still in her hand, shivering from the autumn breeze as she tries to muster up some energy to open the door. The sun is just beginning to poke over the horizon, lighting up the city in a blue haze, not close enough to this side of the earth to provide any real warmth. One by one street lamps flicker until they turn off completely.

The Gracekeepers by wishbonetea (M | 112,116 | 20/20)

The sea has flooded the earth. Allison lives on a circus boat, floating between the scattered islands that remain and trading dazzling and death-defying feats for food from the islanders. Renee lives alone in a lighthouse in the middle of the ocean, with only the birds and fish for company. As penance for her past, she works as a gracekeeper, tending the graves of those who die at sea. A storm brings them together, but under clear skies they must part. When one of the Foxes goes missing, Renee joins to help. It’s meant to be a temporary escape, but Allison might be a reason to stay.

⁂

An AU of Kirsty Logan's The Gracekeepers.

she's got lips like wine not sugar by IzzyAguecheek (Not Rated | 8,561 | 1/1)

The coffee shop was mostly empty the first time Allison came in. It was too early for most people, specially on a Sunday, when most people didn’t have work and therefore didn’t need to stop by to grab a coffee to wake up. Allison, however, didn’t strike Renee as the type of girl to drink coffee before a shift at some boring company. She looked more like someone who had stayed up all night and now was trying to fight off a hangover with caffeine.

Dan was late, per usual, so Renee and Andrew were the only employees working. Andrew took one look at the car parked outside, right in front of the window, and firmly turned his back on the girl sitting at the corner booth.

“You take that one”, he decided.

(or: Renee works at a coffee shop, and, when Allison becomes a regular there, she is absolutely in love. It's just a Renison Coffee Shop AU.)

counting my blessings by quensty (T | 10,354 | 1/1)

The last letter is from Wymack.

Allison, it says. Forest Falls, California, has been having problems with a robber. Dan and Matt are too far, and Neil and Andrew are already working a job in Nevada. Get on it. -DW

“Motherfucker,” Allison says.

Real Gravity by loose_canon (T | 1,723 | 1/1)

RECORDED 04:08, PILGRIMAGE YEAR 1584 DAY 29

[begin message]

Hey, Mom. You’re probably watching this and thinking about how much you want to kick my ass right now. Well, my butt, because you don’t say words like “ass,” much less think them. Anyway, I know you’re mad at me. I’m the ungrateful daughter who hijacked an emergency pod and zipped off into space in the middle of the eclipse service like a dumbass—sorry, dumbbutt—with another girl because I just had to go and open myself to the spirit of lesbianism. I’m not gonna lie, I’m mad just like you are. Part of me wants to just say that the spirit is a good fucking time and be on my way. But I need you need to know that I’m losing something, too.

A sci-fi one shot: Allison leaves a final message for her mother after she and Renee escape the generation ship they grew up on.

On Dragon's Wings (Under the Blue) by tinystreetlamp (T | 8,417 | 3/3)

For hundreds of years the six kingdoms coexisted in peace due to a magical contract that prevents violence between them. Ever since Allison's brother Jean was kidnapped by Riko she has wanted to lead her armies to war against the Island of Night, but the contract prevents her from doing so. When crown prince Nathaniel arrives and asks for sanctuary, Allison sees her chance to unite four of the kingdoms against Riko and rain down her vengeance upon him.

(How to seduce a pirate: drag her underwater unexpectedly)

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

vengeance and death by cthulu_sun (M | 2,446 | 1/1)

legend says you have wax-dipped wings and golden fingernails and knives made of the blood you have spilled. legend says you are not merciful.

in which renee is a tired guardian angel, finds the foxes, and falls in love.

a hundred jewels on throats by ghvsts (T | 3,226 | 1/1)

"have you seen the goddess from the seafoam," they whisper, "she is more beautiful than anything."

(in which seth is ares, renee is persephone, and allison has had enough)

fabrication of a grand scheme by cloudghost (T | 13,787 | 1/1)

Renee was silent for a while. Then, finally, she said, “I want to try going outside.”

“I thought you were scared.”

She hummed her assent. “That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.”

Since that was basically the philosophy Allison lived by, she nodded. Renee turned back around and met Allison’s gaze. In that moment, Renee looked unbreakable and unshakeable, like nothing that ended up in her way could ever stop her for long. Allison shivered.

Love You a Latte by ceilingfan5 (G | 8,465 | 1/1)

Allison's favorite barista is adorable Renee, so when she gets the news that she has to go on a terrible family vacation and bring an "appropriate plus-one", she decides to finally get herself uninvited from the rest of those events for all eternity. She and Renee go together, pretending to be a very much in love couple, stir shit up, and leave a lot closer than they ever expected. (Obviously they fall in love.) Allison may say "I decided love was fake a long time ago and it’d take a miracle to change my mind now,” but if anyone can be a miracle worker, it's Renee.

say you'll never harden to the world by orphan_account (T | 10,300 | 1/1)

Of course it’s when the knife finally doesn’t feel awkward in her hand anymore that Allison shows up.

Instead of the relaxed way she usually holds her wings, they’re pulled taut behind her back. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest and there’s a decidedly not pleased look on her face.

“Hey,” Natalie says, not interrupting the sequence of stabbing moves she’s been practicing. She has no time for the way seeing Allison makes her feel.

Safe – a joke. Not alone – Allison might not even be real. Cared about – impossible.

Those kinds of emotions aren’t meant for someone like her in the first place, and she’s not going to indulge them.

give me shelter or show me heart by hondayota (Not Rated | 4,720 | 3/3)

Renee had always thought of hope as a feeling, something she scraped out of her insides when she had nothing else to hold onto, but over the past months, hope had ceased to be a feeling and had become synonymous with Allison Reynolds.

the renison zombie au no one asked for

renee and allison are hella gay even when there's zombies

laila/alvarez:

It's Called Fashion Hunty. Look it up. by theKristastrophe (T | 15,440 | 8/8)

Sara works for a company that she doesn't hate but doesn't love either. So she sits at the bar with her two other best friends and tries to get through the work week.

When a fresh lawyer stumbles into thier weekly Rant Club, Sara knows she's in for a wild ride.

Featuring gratious eyerolling, snark, and everyone's favorite Foxes.

Buckle up kiddies. It's time to Sashay, Sashay, Sashay...

Come Close by tinystreetlamp (T | 10,932 | 1/1)

Sometime around 200 BC in Ancient Greece, in a world where the greek gods are real, Laila is a warrior from Sparta. During her first visit to Athens she meets not only Jeremy of Troy but also falls head over heels in love with Sara, a daughter of Apollo and local poet. But Sara is cursed, and soon the three cross the Mediterranean on a quest to break the curse and save Sara.

Sara means Sun by tinystreetlamp (M | 27,739 | 8/8)

Five years ago, ships with black and red sails appeared on the horizon and wiped out all of the royal family - except one. The Raven King conquered Coralia and is doing everything he can to stay in power. Jeremy of Troia, the rightful heir to his kingdom, has been in hiding for the past five years, but he found something worth fighting for.

Laila, an Elven Warrior and Jeremy's best friend, will do anything to protect him. Meeting a cute stranger isn't going to change that.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death

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