#meanwhile I’m fighting bots off with a stick

[iguessitsjustme]

Maybe tumblr could stop fucking up everyone’s dash and do something about the bots. I’m getting tired

#tumblr #tumblr war on bots #they keep implanting all these changes no one asked for and everyone hates #meanwhile I’m fighting bots off with a stick

[snappedsky]

Borderlands: Skies the Ultimate Treasure Hunter

Timothy tries to fight off Pretty Boy.

*Links to next and previous chapters in reblog*

--

The Handsome Jackpot Part 8

“Let go of me! Watch those hands! Put me down!”

Timothy wails as he tries to wrestle free from the grip of four loader bots. They squeeze his arms and legs, almost enough to break him, and carry him up Jack’s tower, into the penthouse main office. Pretty Boy strolls up to them, with a shit-eating grin. “Well done, Freddie.”

“Thanks, Boss,” Freddie chimes as he saunters next to his bots.

“Freddie!” Timothy barks, “you will never get away this! You are so dead!”

“Newsflash, Timmy- I’ve already gotten away with it!” Freddie laughs and flicks Timothy’s nose.

“Welcome to your new home, Timothy Lawrence,” Pretty Boy sneers.

“There’s no way I’m staying here!” Timothy barks, “let me go!”

Pretty Boy smirks and waves his hand. “Leave us.”

The loader bots unceremoniously drop Timothy onto the floor and follow Freddie back into the elevator. Timothy quickly scrambles to his feet to square-up to Pretty Boy, but looks down, flabbergasted. “Wow, you’re even shorter in person.”

Pretty Boy- who barely reaches Timothy’s knees- glares up at him, then grins again. “I’m gonna make this real simple, Timmo. Work for me willingly, and I’ll make your life heaven. Refuse me, and I’ll make your life hell.”

“Ha!” Timothy scoffs, “you think you’re hot shit? You Jack wannabe? I worked for the real Handsome Jack! I’ve been through literal hell! I was his first clone! I was a Vault Hunter! I helped save Elpis! I’m Timothy freekin’ Lawrence, and I will never be a slave again!”

Pretty Boy’s grin darkens. “You think you can beat me alone?”

“Who said I was alone,” Timothy retorts as he pulls up his sleeve, revealing a wrist device. He presses it and three Jack digi-clones appear behind him.

“The world just got 25% more handsome,” they say as they aim their guns.

“Wow, impressive,” Pretty Boy remarks facetiously. “I have something like that. But mine is much more...substantial.”

Pretty Boy flips up the pommel on his walking stick and pushes a button. The whole tower seems to shake as something rises up out of the floor behind him- something large, golden, and robotic, with a very familiar face.

Timothy and his clones look up at it hopelessly. “Oh, shit tits.”

Meanwhile, in the other end of the casino, Skies has been falling down a dark tunnel for a handful of minutes. Finally, she grabs onto the wall with her clawed hand, stopping her descent, and strains to see a distant light far below. She jumps to the opposite wall, then back, and repeats, wall-jumping until the light is close enough for her to safely fall into it.

She lands in a cavernous, dimly lit chamber, filled with loader bots as far as the eye can see. Thankfully, they all appear to be deactivated.

“So this was Jack’s secret,” Skies muses, “a loader bot army. What a surprise.”

She climbs onto the shoulders of a nearby bot and looks around. “Now, where did Freddie go?”

Back in Pretty Boy’s office, Timothy cries out as he gets thrown against a wall and crashes onto the floor, gasping painfully. His clones shatter apart around him.

Before he can try to recover, a large mech hand picks him up and carries him across the room.

“You put up a formidable fight, Timmo,” Pretty Boy says, “but it was futile. You’re just lucky I can’t let anything happen to that handsome mug o’ yours.”

Timothy groans weakly in response as he’s placed on a platform atop of a control console. Red laser bars beam up around the platform, trapping him in a small, circular cell.

“You think...you think you’ve won?” Timothy croaks. “Even with Jack’s power, you can’t win. Jack himself lost. You won’t beat Skies and the Vault Hunters.”

“Are you a gambling man, Timmo?” Pretty Boy asks, “do you wanna bet on it?”

He types on the console and a light beams down from the ceiling of Timothy’s cell, scanning him. Pretty Boy laughs victoriously. “Look at this! With just your face, I have access to so many things I could only dream of before! Did you know, Jack was hiding a secret loader army in the very core of the casino? And now with your face, I can reactivate it!”

Timothy sits up in his cell and stares hopelessly at Pretty Boy as he giggles at the console.

“Oohoho, lookit this,” he chimes, “looks like your Vault Hunters friends just reached the Fabricator. They’ll have their hands full with that. But where is Skies...ah, there she is. Looks like she doesn’t have her ECHO communicator turned on. No problem. Let’s say hi, shall we?”

As Skies moves through the loader bot storage room, the main lights suddenly turn on, making her jump. She grips her pistol as she hears whirring and machinery coming to life. None of the loader bots have activated, but she can see on the distant walls, conveyor belts moving, hauling more loader bots.

“A factory?” she questions.

“I see a little ratch in my storage room,” a voice echoes out from the ceiling. “Looks like I need an exterminator.”

“Pretty Boy!” Skies barks.

“I can’t hear you, bodyguard, this intercom is one-way,” he says, “but I just wanted to let you know that I have Timothy, safe and sound. Well, not safe.”

“Give him back!” she shouts furiously.

“And with his handsome face,” Pretty Boy continues, “all of Jack’s old secrets are now mine, including his loader bot army! I hear you fight like a one-woman army. With Timmo’s face, and a push of a button, I can reactivate all of those bots you’re housed with. Can you fight off an actual army, all by yourself?”

Pretty Boy laughs viciously as Skies warily looks around at the hundreds- thousands- of surrounding bots, readying her assault rifle.

Back in the office, Timothy’s despair grows as he watches Pretty Boy. He knows Skies is tough, but even she has limits. She’ll never survive fighting off a whole army of loader bots all by herself. And here’s stupid, useless Tim, nothing but a tool to help bring about her destruction- the destruction of his best friend.

Timothy glares at the floor with frustration, tears pricking his eyes. The whole time they’ve been here, Skies has wanted nothing more than to keep him safe. And he can’t even try to do the same for her when she needs him.

He focuses on the surrounding laser bars, so hot just looking at them is enough to sear his eyes. An idea occurs and he scowls with steely determination. He will not let his face ruin Skies’ life the same way it ruined his.

Timothy grips his pants, squeezes his eyes shut, takes a deep breath, and headbutts the laser beams.

His agonizing cries echo around the office and through the intercom, startling Pretty Boy and Skies.

“No! What have you done!” Pretty Boy screams and shuts off the prison cell. Timothy tumbles out onto the floor, writhing and gripping his face. Pretty Boy rushes over to him but when he goes to touch him, Timothy lashes out and slaps the short man across his face.

Pretty Boy stumbles back and looks at Timothy with surprise, as he glares back at him through his fingers. “Never...again...”

“Tim!” Skies cries. She turns on her ECHO and shouts his name into it, but gets no response.

Skies pants as she remains frozen in place, her heart pounding painfully hard and her mind reeling with horrible scenarios of losing her best friend.

#borderlands #borderlands 3 #borderlands fanfiction #borderlands au #borderlands oc #myocs #myart #self reblog

[solalunar-eclipse]

Sonic Boom - S3E8

Episode title: Improved Trust Exercises

Word count: about 4000 words

AN: I’ve been looking forward to this episode for quite some time...so I hope you enjoy reading it!

First | Previous | Next

...

[Scene opens on a battle against Eggman outside Knuckles’s shack.]

Explosions filled the air with smoke as robot after robot charged towards Team Sonic, intent on one thing and one thing only: destroying the echidna’s new home.

The doctor was currently swarming the house—if it could really be called a house—with uncharacteristically large waves of badniks. He would have insisted, had anyone asked, that he was using this many resources for one reason: to allow him to take advantage of a new opportunity to win for once in his constant battles against Sonic and his friends.

The fact that he was more than a little insulted that he hadn’t been told about Knuckles’s new house until long after it had been set up had absolutely nothing to do with it whatsoever, obviously.

Knuckles growled, smashing two bee-bots together after snatching them out of the air. “I just got this house not that long ago, you know!” he cried indignantly, glaring at the hovering Eggmobile from the doorway (still minus any actual door) of his shack.

“Exactly! I can’t believe I haven’t held a housewarming event sooner, where are my manners?” the doctor said. “Burnbot, warm his house for him, why don’t you?”

The robot wheeled forward, its flamethrower flaring ominously. Knuckles shouted and dove protectively in front of his house…which did absolutely nothing to protect it at all, since the house was rather taller than him, especially when he was lying down.

Thankfully for both the echidna and his house, Amy then promptly yelled and whacked Burnbot with her hammer so hard that it soared over the Eggmobile and into the ocean, effectively dousing any and all flaming, burning, or otherwise warming attempts.

Sonic, meanwhile, was bouncing every which way and kicking robots left and right, clearly excited to have his new shoes finally all ready to go. “Hey, Egghead, looks like you just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, huh?” he called, smirking. 

All four of his friends facepalmed simultaneously.

“Oh, is that so? Well, all you’re doing is adding fuel to the fire now, Sonic!” he shot back, smirking.

“Yeah? Well, maybe you should just give up now before we—”

Tails shoved his hand into Sonic’s face, effectively cutting off his reply. “Please. No more puns.” he groaned.

“Hey, I can’t help it! Wordplay’s practically my middle name, man!” the hero protested.

Knuckles frowned. “I thought you said it was ‘Speed’ last time.”

Tails snickered. “He does have a point, you know. That phrase doesn’t work very well if you overuse it.”

“Oh, do you have a better idea then? Hmm? I’m listening…” Sonic asked, cupping a hand around one of his ears and leaning in exaggeratedly.

“My better idea is to use other kinds of jokes than those!” Tails cried indignantly.

Eggman looked around, bewildered. “You…do realize we’re still fighting, right? Guys?”

“I mean, does anyone around here even keep track of episode continuity?” Sticks asked the others, throwing their hands in the air.

“I do!” Amy folded her arms irritably. “I have color-coded journals and everything!”

“How is it even healthy to be that organized?” Sonic muttered.

Tails shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve never bothered with it and I still know where all my stuff is.”

Amy groaned, her frustration levels rising rapidly. “I swear, I don’t know how you guys get anything done!”

Meanwhile, Eggman was just…hovering in the air. All of his robots watched him awkwardly, waiting to see what his next move was.

“Ugh, whatever.” the doctor grumbled. “I can pencil you all in next Tuesday, I guess. But you should know that I have a busy schedule! I won’t always be this generous!”

The team of heroes looked over at him for a moment, bewildered, before going back to their slowly-becoming-less-friendly argument. 

[The debate continues for another couple of seconds, and then the introductory sequence begins.]

[After the team has their turn in the spotlight, Shadow appears again. The same sequence as last time plays once more here, too. It seems that either the animators needed a break or the studio instituted budget cuts…]

[Wait, but this isn’t an animated show anymore—]

[Let’s get back to the introduction already.]

[The rest of the intro then plays, followed by the episode title.]

…

Team Sonic had claimed the small park on one side of the town entirely for themselves, since all five members had collapsed there in various exhausted positions after their argument. It had lasted them the entire trip to town and then some, disrupting many of the villagers’ lives (though interestingly, for once none of them had had the courage to complain). 

Sonic was lying facedown in the grass, while Tails and Sticks were sprawled over the only two available benches. Amy was resting against a section of the wall that separated the village from its surroundings, trying to catch her breath, while Knuckles lay spread-eagle on the concrete in between the two benches and stared up at the sky blankly.

After a while of just lying there, the sound of footsteps signaled to the team that a new person was arriving. Sonic barely managed to muster up the energy to turn his head to the side so that he could actually see who it was, while the others dragged themselves into slightly different positions for the same reason. (Except for Knuckles. He just stayed exactly where he was on the ground.)

“Looks like I missed all the fun.” Shadow remarked, folding his arms and shifting his weight over his right leg. “I didn’t know you five were even able to attack each other in public.”

“We weren’t…fighting physically.” Amy huffed. 

Tails gave a weak thumbs-up from his bench. “We were just having an argument about whether or not puns qualify as effective and/or regularly usable jokes. Sonic and Sticks ended up saying yes. The rest of us said no.”

Shadow frowned. “Then why are you all still spending time in the same place?”

“S’not like it was anything serious.” Sonic mumbled, his voice muffled by the way his face was mashed against the grass. “Didn’t change our friendship or anythin’, ‘was just some fun.”

“Hm. You five are certainly a strange group.” Shadow muttered.

“Says the guy who’s probably a secret government agent or something.” Sticks said halfheartedly.

“Please.” he scoffed. “Me, working for someone else? I barely even work with people, let alone the government.”

“You work with us sometimes, though.” Knuckles said tiredly, still staring up at the clouds.

Shadow’s quills bristled. “I do not. I work for my own interests, which on rare occasions happen to align with yours.”

“Hey, you know it’s not a crime to admit you like hanging out with us, right?” Amy snapped, before wincing. “Sorry, sorry, I’m still in ‘argument’ mode.”

Shadow didn’t respond, neither accepting nor rejecting her apology. Instead, he turned to the others and glowered at them. “Don’t tell me you actually believe this nonsense.” he spat. “What, do you all think I’m part of your little team now too?”

“I mean, you act like it.” Sticks muttered.

“I have never—” Shadow seethed.

Sonic shrugged horizontally. “It’s not that far out of an idea or anything.”

“Well, I don’t want to! Next you’ll all be thinking I’m trying to be your friend or something.” he sneered.

“And what’s the problem with that?” Tails asked.

Shadow clenched his fists, grinding his teeth together. “I do not make friends. I do not have friends. Friendship is just a waste of time for people who like to think they’re something special. Something important. Something ‘valuable’.”

“Well, technically—” Amy began.

“Shut up.” he hissed. “I’ve got news for you: friendship is useless. All those people you think will stand by you? Who care about you? They’re nothing but liars. It’s everybody for themselves in this world, and anyone who says otherwise wants something from you. 

“Believe me, I know that people don’t really like their friends. They’ll only keep them around as long as they’re useful and then dump them at the first opportunity. I don’t know why you all even bother pretending anyway. You’d do the same thing to anyone who tried to join your team—don’t try and say anything else!” he roared suddenly, his face set into a snarl as he glared at Sonic, whose mouth was half open in protest.

“Even if I did want to be friends, you’d all just ditch me the second I agreed to stop fighting. I know how it is with you ‘heroes’. You act all nice and friendly and then behind closed doors you’d be happy to leave me in the deepest, darkest cave you can find, just like—”

Shadow froze. His mouth shut with an audible click in the near-deafening silence. 

“Shadow…did—did someone…” Amy whispered.

“If you want to live, you will never speak to me again.” Shadow growled.

He disappeared in a flash of blue, leaving everyone else sitting there absolutely stunned.

“So.” Sticks said, after about a minute had passed. “Are we going to talk about how Shadow just implied that his last friends left him alone in an almost inescapable cave, or…?”

“That sounds awful.” Knuckles muttered.

Amy pressed the heels of her palms into her brow. “No wonder he didn’t like us suggesting that we could be friends! If only there was a way for us to let him know that we’re not going to, you know, do that. Or anything even close to that.”

Sonic sighed. “See, I would’ve said we could just…talk to him…” He shuddered at the thought of discussing feelings, but continued. “…up until like two minutes ago. Now I think he’d rip us to shreds if we go anywhere near him.”

“Maybe we could write him a letter?“ Tails suggested.

“That’s a good idea, Tails, but an in-person talk is always more meaningful.” Amy said. “And I think we really need it to be meaningful here.”

“Well then, why not just write him a message telling him to meet us somewhere?” the fox asked. “We could make it kind of cryptic and stuff, so he’s more likely to get interested and show up.”

Sonic brightened up at the suggestion. “That’s actually a great idea!” 

“It is—? I mean, of course it is!” Tails said proudly. “ But we can talk more about that later. Now, we have a letter to write!”

“And by ‘we’, you mean Amy, right?” Sonic asked, his grin just a bit too wide and shaky.

He looked around at his friends’ flat expressions.

“…right?”

…

Shadow stalked back to his cave, his hands still crackling with golden Chaos energy. A trail of crushed and scorched foliage and broken rocks showed exactly which path he had taken on his shame-induced destructive rampage.

His anger was also the reason he nearly scorched the piece of paper lying on the floor of his cave with his skates by accident, only noticing it at the last minute.

“What…?” he growled, snatching up the paper so forcefully he almost ripped it.

Meet us on the beach at 5. It’ll be worth your while. (We promise.)

Shadow frowned. Did they think this was funny? Did they want him to show up, only to laugh at his weakness? It was absurd. There was no way he would ever consider going.

He stalked into the cave, heading for his sleeping area. 

But what if they mean well?

He stopped in his tracks abruptly, shaking his head furiously before tugging at his quills once. “No stupid thoughts.” he snarled, trying to refocus himself on what he’d meant to do.

He dropped the piece of paper on his bed, but couldn’t bring himself to sit down. The hedgehog paced around and around the alcove, every step shaking the tiny cot and the nightstand made out of salvaged wood that served as the only furnishings in the room.

After all…not once had they mocked him for his distress in the storm. They had been nothing but thoughtful to him each time since then, except for their usual hijinks—which were nothing offensive to him (at least, not anymore).

But they were just taunting him with this letter, weren’t they? …could they actually be worried? The second option was incredibly unlikely, but he would be a liar if he said he was absolutely sure.

After some more irritable pacing, he decided to run through several possible scenarios in his head, ranging from cruel to mediocre, but none served to satisfy the growing, irritating feeling inside him. Nothing made it go away, because it was only one little question that had gotten stuck in his mind and wouldn’t let go.

What if…

…they really do want to be friends?

Shadow scowled and ground his teeth and grasped futilely at his chest fur, as if by some miracle he could tear that single idea out of himself with force alone. But it continued to bother him again and again until finally, he let out a roar and brought a Chaos-enhanced fist down on the letter so forcefully that not only did he scorch the paper into ash, but he snapped his bedframe and broke it in two.

Shadow snarled furiously. Now he had a conflict raging inside his head and a broken bed. Fantastic.

I know who could offer me a place to sleep… he thought, before clenching his hands into fists so tight they trembled.

Look at me! he thought, his inner voice shifting from furious to desperate. Look at what they’ve done in just a few days, made me weak and pathetic and soft…

Shadow shuddered as he sank down into a crouch, before curling up into a ball on his floor. And I can’t even hate it as much as I wish I could, either. 

After hours and hours of thinking, he finally gave up. The striped hedgehog decided to show up at the beach, no matter how much shame he felt at the thought. It’s your own fault if you get hurt again, you know. he thought viciously to himself.

And so it was that at the appointed time, he found himself hidden in the woods just beyond the sand, watching the team as they all sat together by the water.

He wanted so badly to turn around and leave, but he was rooted to the spot. Shadow couldn’t even seem to move his feet—he was too fixated on their promise to do so. 

It’ll be worth your while…

Without his permission, his legs stumbled forward clumsily, making the bushes rustle as he staggered onto the beach. All five of the heroes whirled around to face him, their combined stare making his fur bristle.

“What.” he snapped, his quills flaring.

“Nothing!” Amy said hastily. “We’re just glad you’re here, that’s all.”

He rolled his eyes, taking a couple of steps forward. (This was so much easier. Being the irritable flat person was far better than trying to cope with any mushy feelings.)

“You promised that this nonsense would be worth my time. Prove it.” he shot back. 

“I just wanted to start by saying that you don’t have to be our friend if you don’t want to.” Amy began.

“But if you do want to, that’d be really cool!” Knuckles added.

Shadow looked at them suspiciously. “Why.”

“I mean, you can be really funny when you want to be.” Tails said.

“And you’re actually not bad at all when you’re not trying to beat us up.” Sticks added.

The other four all turned to Sonic then, who sighed before taking a deep breath, clearly preparing himself for whatever it was he was about to say.

The hero shrugged, tugging at his gloves and refusing to meet Shadow’s eyes. “I dunno, man, it’s just…from the minute we met, I was already like ‘hey, this guy seems cool’. It was pretty fun to be around you even when you were, like, smashing my face into the dirt and stuff.”

Shadow kicked at the sand awkwardly, before realizing what he was doing and forcing his skate to stop.

“I mean, the thing was, Eggman’s like our consistent villain, right? He shows up exactly when you expect him to.” Sonic explained. “But, uh, sometimes that gets boring for me, and that meant I was always looking for a challenge. Somebody who could match up to me who I wasn’t worried about landing a punch or two on…and that ended up being you.

“But after a while of doing that, I kind of thought, who even is this guy I’m fighting? Maybe it’s a thing I have, and Tails can back me up here, but even when I was a kid, I always wanted to know what was going on inside the heads of the people I was fighting. Once most of those people became villainous villagers—hah—it kind of went away, but with Eggman I spent ages trying to figure him out. Same thing here, y’know?”

Silence descended on the beach, complete with chirping crickets. Everyone stared at Sonic for a moment.

“What?” he cried, throwing his hands in the air. “You guys said that talking about ourselves was important if he was going to be okay staying or whatever, so I talked!”

Shadow shifted in place. “I…did appreciate it.” he admitted reluctantly.

Sonic’s expression broke into a big smile. “It’s worth it, then.”

Shadow looked over at Tails with a certain amount of intrigue. “So…Sonic said you could back him up on his habit of psychoanalyzing villains?”

“Uh, yeah!” the fox said, startled by the attention. “It’s like he can’t actually maintain a hero-villain relationship with anyone who’s got more than a single dimension to them.” 

Tails smiled wryly, clearly amused by his brother’s habits. “The only reason that doesn’t happen with the people in the village is that they’re mostly just mean. That’s probably why they’re here in the first place—actually, it’s really why we’re here, too. I mean, I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that Seaside Island is the most crime-ridden place in the archipelago. It’s not a coincidence we live in a place that has so many villains, like, this is literally the island where none of the good people move to in the first place.”

All five snickered at that. “You’re telling me.” Sonic muttered. 

“Some decent people are born here, though. Like me and Tails!” he continued, his expression a little brighter now. “We just sorta ended up bouncing around from place to place, saw some bad stuff, and figured we might as well be the ones to fix it up.”

“This island’s lucky to have you two.” Amy said warmly. “And so are we…after all, you’re the ones who really brought the rest of us together.”

They both blushed at once, looking anywhere but at Amy. “Aw, geez…” Sonic said shyly.

“It’s true, though!” Knuckles cheered, snatching each of the brothers up in one arm and pulling them into a hug. “We went from people who barely knew each other to best friends in a little over a season!”

“And two games.” Sticks added.

“And two games!” Knuckles agreed.

Shadow’s face softened marginally. “And…why are you telling me all this?”

“That’s what friends do, right?” Sonic asked, still being crushed by his friend. “‘Sides, we all figured it’d take way more than some fluffy friendship stuff to convince you we don’t hate your guts.”

“But! You don’t have to tell us anything about yourself if you’re not ready yet.” Amy said. “We’ve known each other for a while, so it might be easier for us than it is for you.”

Shadow carefully sat down on the sand. “I…appreciate that.”

He found, however, that he wasn’t nearly as worried as before. If he was being entirely honest, he’d wanted to tell someone about what had happened to him for quite some time. It was almost strange to finally have the opportunity to do so, in one way or another.

He sighed. “A long time ago…I was abandoned. By people I thought I could trust with my life. I swore never to believe anyone who said they cared about me ever again, but…I think I’ll give it a try.” he confessed, his head tilted subtly downwards so he didn’t have to see their faces. “Since you seem to want to be friends with me so much and all.” he added quickly, his voice laced with sarcasm. 

“Oh Chaos, Shadow…” Amy whispered. 

When he looked up, their faces were all clearly worried, but they hid it quickly.

“I could punch them for you!” Knuckles offered. The rest of the team seemed to be in agreement, considering the fact that they looked ready to attack the nearest bystander, let alone Shadow’s old enemies.

Shadow smirked. “They left this island a long time ago, but thank you regardless.”

“Anytime, Shads!” Sonic said cheerfully.

“Ugh.” he groaned, his shoulders slumping in mostly feigned irritation. “I’m going to have to put up with nicknames now, aren’t I.”

The group laughed again. “Maybe just a little.” Tails conceded.

“But anyway…” Shadow began, realizing suddenly that he already had a problem that would need a friend, “…I may or may not have destroyed my bed in my decision-making process.” he mumbled.

“What?” Sticks asked. “We can’t hear ya if you talk so quiet!”

“My bed is broken!” he barked. “So I need somewhere to stay for the night.”

Amy looked over at him. “Well, if you’re as good of a houseguest as you were last time—”

“I nearly blew up the house last time.” Shadow interrupted.

“—fine. If you’re even a slightly better houseguest than you were last time, then you can stay at my place.”

“Wow, Ames, no threats about getting dirt on the floor this time?” Sonic called.

“You. Shush.” she huffed, whirling around and pointing at him irritably. 

“Do you normally threaten people if they mess up your house?” Shadow asked, raising a brow sardonically.

Amy sighed. “I’m trying to get better about that, actually, but it’s difficult when these four keep antagonizing me.”

“Don’t worry.” the striped hedgehog replied. “It’s been a while since I’ve had to wipe my skates down at the door—mostly because I don’t have a door—but I do remember how.”

“Finally! Someone who’s learned some manners!” Amy cried out, clearly delighted.

Tails scoffed. “I have manners too, you know!”

“Oh, sure, like when you threw around all my throw pillows and ruined their stuffing?”

“They’re called throw pillows for a reason, aren’t they?” the fox asked snarkily.

“No! Not for that reason! And that’s exactly why you’re not invited over!” she declared, folding her arms with a decisive huff.

Shadow snickered quietly.

Suddenly, everyone turned to stare at him, shocked looks on their faces.

“What?” he asked, bewildered.

“We’ve…never heard you laugh genuinely before, that’s all.” Sonic said, still stunned.

Shadow froze. “W-well, don’t expect me to make a habit of it!” he snapped, avoiding everyone else’s eyes.

“Now that’s a challenge I know I can win.” the hero murmured to himself, instantly determined to make it happen again.

“Anyway, let’s get you settled in then. Preferably before anyone gets into a fight.” Amy said quickly, leading the way back to her house.

The others got up to follow, but she whirled around and gave them a warning stare. “You can stay over too, but if any of you go anywhere near my decorations, my ornaments, or Chaos forbid, the bookshelf that I finally managed to build, there will be a reckoning. And you will all owe me money, plus interest. I may not hurt you physically, but there is a thing called ‘respecting people’s homes’ that you need to learn. With force if necessary.” she hissed.

All four were now sweating nervously…but their interest in having an improved sleepover party (third time’s the charm, right?) eventually won out, and they followed Amy and Shadow back to her house, chatting and laughing as they went.

[Camera cuts to a side profile of Shadow, who allows himself the smallest of private smiles right as an iris out ending occurs.]

[roll credits]

#sonic boom #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #miles tails prower #knuckles the echidna #amy rose #sticks the badger #sonic boom: ancient secrets #sol's fanfiction #i've been waiting for this one for so long #shadow's finally given in now that he's faced with the full power of friendship #this just about completes the first arc of the story! #there should be a few fun episodes after this one before we start the next big arc #i'm looking forward to that one as well :] #if you've read this far- thank you for reading! #i hope you enjoyed it :D

[bccfggffbgv]

???: A fine work you have here! It would be a shame it it where ruined…let me handle that for you.

(Victor flinched when he heard that booming voice. He turned around, and saw Exdeath, channeling the power of the Void into Dark Gaia. Soon, the recreated Titan rose up, but…something was wrong about Dark Gaia. It’s green glows where now a ghastly blue. It took a moment to figure out, but all was soon clear when Exdeath laughed while Dark Gaia knelt…the infusion with the Power of the Void put Dark Gaia under the control of Exdeath. Victor and Mephiles found it incredulous, especially since Exdeath then left upon siccing Dark Gaia on every other faction. Unknown to them, this would set a standard of how easily Exdeath would play the plots of others into his plans. Meanwhile, Grey Matter was frustrated, as the “Power of the Void” Exdeath used wasn’t understood enough to be replicated, and given actually capturing Exdeath was ruled out as impossible (for good reason), that meant that he couldn’t mimic Exdeath. Though the evil tree would have his weaknesses, for now only Azem could really hold their own against Exdeath long term. Meanwhile, the heroes where on very high alert, given how though EXE was slain, Exdeath was still at large, and tried to murder Jackrow. Obviously, many wanted to tear Exdeath apart in a way he couldn’t recover from, though it was noted by what Azem could dig up on Exdeath that he could be reduced to a splinter (hey, he is still a tree deep down) and still not be dead, so that would require deepened investigation. However…soon they say Dark Gaia’s sudden appearance after Exdeath did his thing, and that made it clear they had to act fast to handle the revived dark Titan. However, Exdeath wasn’t gonna sit around, as he now had his sights set on Nix…or rather, the virus in her head, having observed what was going on from far away. With a random husk drone he collected, he went to…extract the virus, while also terrifying Nix in the process)

(A.N. Exdeath won’t be idle unless he gets what he wants, and that I’m not sure of what to make it, to be honest. Feel free to make new crossovers happen due to Exdeath pulling their worlds in directly, BTW)

*The group of heroes and the possessed dark titan then heard another beastly roar that shook everything*

*They then see a giant reptilian beast that seemed to be glowing blue on the inside...It soon fired a massive beam of energy from its mouth at the dark titan, damaging it significantly*

Uzi, while in awe at the sight of the ongoing battle between the two beasts: That thing's on our side right?...

Eda: Let's hope so...

(Meanwhile with The Syndicate of Steel)

《◇》, with the new body in possession: I must thank you for this new body, Mr. Exdeath was it? I was getting tired of fighting for control over some worker drone body...*Nix was in a lot of pain right now. She was beaten to near death and had the virus painfully extracted from her head*...What shall we do with her~?

Exdeath: Leave her to rust. She along with everyone else shall be consumed by the void sooner or later~...*He and the Virus laughed as they both took off*

Nix, while staring at herself through a reflection and seeing what she's become:...What have I done...?

(Meanwhile within...The Mushroom Kingdom)

*A koopa had spotted a strange sight at the beachside...It appeared to be a robot of some kind but it didn't seem to be like any he's seen before. He grabbed a stick and poked at it...only for the bot to lunge at his prey*

Entropy, after licking the blood off his claws: How fascinating~...It seems I'm going to be on vacation before I head back~!

(Meanwhile, Somewhere in Nevada)

*Hank had seen a lot of weird things in his life...But seeing all of "this" was something else...*

Hank:...I'm gonna have to tell the others about this mess...Let's just hope "The Clown" isn't nearby to f*** with me again...

(Note: This is truly gonna become madness now!)

#Multiversal Fusion #crystalverse #Chaos-verse

[alison-anonymous]

flawsome bandits pt. 21 ♡ sonic

Flawsome Deceptions

Part 21! Only 3 more chapters left, my darlings! I hope you enjoy! This is also being uploaded to Wattpad as well, if any of you are interested. Love you all, darlings!

Warnings - violence (not too bad though), and some angst near the end

♡♡♡

...and smashed it onto the ground.

Robotnik’s mouth dropped open in horror as he watched his creation sink into the ground, singeing the blades of grass beneath Y/n’s tennis shoes until they were no longer recognizable. It even began to eat away at the shards of glass next to it, and Y/n winced.

That could have been her insides.

“YES!” Sonic cried out in victory just before he got punched in the face by Metal Sonic. But at least his girlfriend - or ex girlfriend - was still alive.

“What the hell have you done?!” Robotnik screeched like a banshee, rising up out his seat and gasping in horror at his specialty made poison that was supposed to melt Y/n’s insides and was now instead melting the ground beneath their feet.

You see, the lion’s actual plan had been to deceive Y/n into thinking that he would let her friends go if she came with him. But being the actual VERY HAIRY buttho- I mean intelligent scientist that he is, his actual plan was never to leave her friends alone. He would take Y/n, kill her, then destroy her friends as well so that he has a bunch of weird alien animals to conduct his experiments on. But then he got an amazing idea (not really).

What if he made Y/n kill herself in front of her friends?

God, it was genius! 

Seeing their friend kill herself would definitely put a damper on their strength, as the loss of their friend would be very debilitating. But they forgot one thing.

“I’m not a fucking idiot,” Y/n snarled, her fur beginning to tingle as her powers began to churn. She cracked a smirk. The zebra was back. “I think it’s time that we switch roles, don’t you think?” 

Robotnik furrowed his brows, confused as to what she meant. She took this small window of opportunity, reeled her fist back, and punched him straight in the face.

“I’m not a zebra anymore! I’m a lion, you motherfucker!” 

The impact was enough to send the man falling straight out of his drone and he collapsed onto the ground, a pathetic jumble of limbs and mustache hairs. He let out a groan in pain which soon turned into a snarl, and he quickly noticed that his controller was no longer in his grasp. This was a little bit of an issue because that controller was the one that he could use to power Metal Sonic, supercharge him, and shut him down. While he was distracted, Y/n quickly dove into the drone and snatched up the controller, staring down at the three buttons that blinked before her.

They were all the same color.

Damnit.

“You little bitch, WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME?!” Two strong gloved hands wrapped around Y/n’s furry ankles and ripped her out of the drone. She let out a shrill scream as she went airborne momentarily, and thinking quick, she let out a low hum. Her body instantly responded, holding her up into the air so she was in a sort of trance. Shadow let out a low growl from the ground, his ruby irises flaming with heartbroken rage. 

“Because you’re a creep!” She shouted down at him, and slammed her fist onto the first button on the controller. She glanced down at Metal Sonic, who was in the process of trying to kill the actual Sonic, only to find that it didn’t change anything. She grunted and pushed the one on the bottom. 

The robot froze. 

Sonic rolled on the ground and stood up, preparing to run off again as he watched the robot in confusion. The red eyes on the bot grew bold for a moment, and then… turned off. That was the off button. Y/n breathed a sigh of relief and lowered herself onto the ground. Unfortunately, her victory was short lived as Shadow tackled her to the burnt grass.

The icy blue hedgehog let out a shriek as she went collapsing onto the ground from his weight.

“Get off of me, you pervy walrus!” Y/n snarled, immediately trying to shove the dark hedgehog off of her. But he wasn’t ready to let go that easily. He latched his strong arms around her waist, and sent them tumbling onto the ground like a bad gymnastics performance. While they were distracted, Knuckles took this opportunity to slash the binds around Spirit and Tails, freeing them. The duo quickly bounded up, armed and ready to fight, only to find that the bot was already shut off. Sonic quickly sped over to the struggling hedgehogs only to narrowly miss a burning hot laser. He froze, gaze shooting up to meet that of a very pissed off Robotnik.

“What the hell, man?” Sonic snarled, throwing his hands out to the sides in exasperation. Robotnik simply shrugged, hitting some buttons on his gloves and turning the attention of his egg bots towards him, Knuckles, Spirit, and even Tails.

“Are you forgetting that I am being portrayed as the bad guy here? It’s my job to make your life a living hell.” Robotnik rolled his eyes like he was explaining this to a five year old. Sonic had lost most of his sense of humor upon witnessing the love of his life almost kill herself, and he frankly didn’t have much time to even throw in a good natured joke when he was trying to take out a bunch of robots while his friends did the same.

Meanwhile, Y/n had other problems.

Shadow kept trying to yank the remote control out of her hands, presumably to turn back on Metal Sonic so that he could kill them. But she wasn’t having it. 

“Quit groping me!” She snarled between panted breaths as she countered all of his punches and smacks, clutching the remote tightly between her right fingers. She was in a very unfortunate position with him practically straddling her on the ground, eyes full of fire and rage as he tried to get the upper hand. But just as she had managed to land a punch to his face, she spotted something out of the corner of her eye that could prove useful.

Shadow’s gun.

♡♡♡

Spirit’s baseball bat collided with three of Robotnik’s bots, knocking them into the oak tree beside her almost instantaneously. She let out an exhale, but her eyes were already on high alert, searching for any more signs of danger around her. She had lost track of where Y/n had gone after witnessing her almost kill herself, and she was frankly feeling rather light headed. But that wasn’t important right now. The important thing was to get them all out of here safe.

And alive. 

Tails, who was never really one for being on the front line in battle, timidly hid behind her legs while he watched with hearts in his eyes as she took out a bunch of the egg bots. The determination and the fire in her eyes… the way her hair swung about in her ponytail with her motions… She was beautiful. 

Knuckles sidled up next to them after having taken out a bunch of the other bots as well, followed shortly after by the Blue Blur. Sonic let out a frustrated groan as another hoard of bots began to carreen their way towards them, lasers at the ready. Robotnik stood under the cover of his old drone not too far away from them, and it was then that Sonic hatched a plan.

“Guys, if we can get those controller gloves away from him, then maybe we can stop the drones long enough to get Y/n.” Amazing how even in the most dire of circumstances, Sonic’s first instinct was to find a way to make it to his beloved girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend.

Gotta stop doing that.

Spirit and Knuckles immediately stepped up in front of Sonic and Tails, already beginning the process of punching and smashing the next line of robots. Even Tails was able to prevent some of the bots from getting too close by whacking them with his tails and with random sticks he was able to pick up on the ground. Using their amazing fighting skills as his que, Sonic sped through the darkness the trees gave him before coming to a stop just behind Robotnik. Thankfully, the man had been captivated by the fight as well, his eyes trained steadily on the fight as one hand controlled the bots and the other stroked his unwashed mustache hairs.

Disgusting, Sonic thought bitterly. He would make sure that this man would never harm another person again. 

He slowly took two more steps forward, and the second Robotnik’s glove was within his view, Sonic ripped it off of his hand and slammed it against the ground with a rock. Robotnik let out a choked scream in surprise, cursing himself for being off his game and blaming it on Y/n’s hate filled punch, he turned only to hear the static sound of his precious controller being destroyed.

“NO!” He screeched like a little girl, not knowing how to defend himself in the absence of his beautiful bots. He dove towards the little blue hedgehog, seeming to have forgotten that Sonic was… well, Sonic. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” 

“I just saved my friends,” Sonic answered boldly, stomping on the controller again for good measure. When he watched the drones drop dead by Spirit, Tails, and Knuckles, he knew for sure that they were toast. Now just one more thing left to do.

Sonic slowly reached into his right glove and pulled out a tiny little object. It was small enough for Robotnik to not quite figure out just what it was, and it was only when Sonic held it up towards the burning flames in the trees that Robotnik understood.

A golden ring.

Robotnik, for the first time in his life, was speechless. 

He could only watch as Sonic closed his eyes momentarily, then threw the ring onto the ground before him. Instantly, the ring began to glow and spin before opening up a portal to some other world. Robotnik recognized it as the Mushroom Planet at first, but this one looked a lot darker. More nutrient-starved. It would be impossible for Robotnik to try and get any supplies for his drones on a planet like that. Even when he was on the Mushroom Planet, at least he was able to find some watering holes and mushrooms that didn’t seem poisonous. 

This was it.

“It’s all over isn’t it?” Robotnik asked dazily. Sonic wore a very rare expression. No ounce of mercy could be seen in his searing emerald orbs as he stared down at the pathetic man who used to be a mad scientist. He wasn’t planning on pushing Robotnik in. Robotnik was going to crawl in himself.

Like the pitiful excuse of a human that he was.

Robotnik glanced around at the burning vegetation and destroyed babies he had once cradled in his arms. The little beings that came out of his egg sack (see what I did there?) They were all destroyed. He had gone through so much trouble to come up with this beautiful plan, this beautiful robot, only to have it taken down within seconds by a couple of angry hedgehogs?

Maybe he should find another hobby.

Maybe Agent Stone had been right all those times he had tried to steer him down another path. Maybe he could find some other outlet for his personal problems that didn’t have to do with forcing his wants on other people and hurting them if they didn’t go with it straight away. Threatening people and making them try to kill themselves just because they were weak. Maybe if he had been a better person, then none of this would have happened. Maybe then he and Agent Stone could have been happy. Maybe then he could have been friends with the hedgehogs. Even though they were painfully annoying.

This was it. Robotnik was never a lion, was he? No. He had pretended to be a lion, always putting his bark before his bite. Always trying to use his smarts and his pride to trump character. He thought he was better than everyone else. And then he got punched in the face by a girl.

The true zebra surrendered. 

“Well played, Sonic,” Robotnik had to commend the alien creature. Sonic’s eyes widened momentarily at the first comment he had ever received from this man. “Well played.” 

And with that, Robotnik drug himself forward and fell through the portal.

♡♡♡

Shadow’s gun glinted in the dancing flames of the trees from his tool belt. 

Y/n stared up into his angry red irises and immediately went limp. Shadow freezes momentarily, confused by her sudden actions. Why had she stopped fighting him? He enjoyed it when she fought him, it brought up some weird emotion of adrenaline and plea-

“Dumbass.” 

Wait, what? Shadow felt a strange lightness on his waist. He glanced down only to hear the sound of a gun cocking. 

“Shit.” He cursed, looking up to be met with a very shocking sight.

There Y/n lay beneath him, her teeth gritting as tears streamed down her glowing e/c orbs. Her hands were trembling as she held the gun to his head, trying her very hardest to fight against the debilitation that he put her under. He made her want to die just by looking at her, let alone touching her. And now she had to make him stop. He glanced to the side by her head and felt a draining sensation through his chest when he saw what used to be the remote controller for Metal Sonic. She must have found a way to smash it at some point.

But then he realized something. 

“You’re a fool,” He scoffed, shaking his head. “A beautiful fool.” 

Y/n didn’t respond, but the shift in her expression let him know that she heard him perfectly. 

Wait. 

No, she thought. This wouldn’t work. He isn’t afraid of the gun. He isn’t afraid of it because he knows that even if she wanted to, she might not be able to pull the trigger. No, his fear wasn’t of having a gun put to his chest. But what he was afraid of...

Y/n slowly turned the gun around in her hands until it was pressed up against her forehead. 

She placed her finger over the trigger, and Shadow’s facade crumbled almost instantly. He wrapped his hands around hers, trying desperately to yank it away from her forehead. They were no longer physically fighting one another as he sat on top of her stomach, pinning her to the ground. No. The fight was now over the gun Y/n was pressing to her head. But even when Shadow tugged at it with all his might, it didn’t budge an inch. The glowing in Y/n’s eyes explained why. 

But she wasn’t done yet.

“You did this to me.” 

Shadow froze, staring straight into Y/n’s burning e/c eyes as they swirled with a tornado of emotions. Anger, hatred, betrayal, hurt, disgust. 

Sadness.

“You did this to me, Shadow. You made me think that dying would be better than living on this earth. You hurt a perfectly good batch of people, all for what? For money? For something that you didn’t even understand. You hurt me, Shadow.” 

Shadow’s hands fell limp by his sides, and if Y/n didn’t know any better, she could practically see his soul shatter through his eyes. 

“You. Hurt. Me.” 

Shadow instantly began shaking his head, the last bit of denial still trying to claw its way to the surface. 

“N-no, no, n-no, I-I love you, I-”

“You tried to make me kill myself. You. Hurt. Me.” With her final words, Shadow finally broke. Watching all the fire drain from his eyes, Y/n took the opportunity to smash the gun against the side of his head, knocking him out successfully. He slumped onto the ground in an unnatural position and Y/n finally heaved in a shaky breath. She pulled her shaking body up into a sitting position and stared down at the gun in her hands.

A tiny tear drop fell onto the trigger.

She had won.

♡ a.a.

#sonic #sonic x reader #sonic imagines #sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog x reader #sonic the hedgehog imagines #sonic the hedgehog movies #sonic the hedgehog movie x reader #sonic the hedgehog movie imagines #sonic the hedgehog 2020 #sonic the hedgehog 2020 x reader #sonic the hedgehog 2020 imagines #flawsome bandits

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: The Queen of Asgard - 13

The Tower: The Queen of Asgard An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 1832

Warnings: just some sexual innuendo

Synopsis: The twins are now three and while the Avengers know that Clint and Thor are the biological father’s none of them know or care which blond, blue-eyed baby is related to which man.  When Riley gets the power to control wind and it becomes evident that she is the heir to the Asgardian throne, Elly, Steve, Thor, and Tony take the twins to Asgard to train her.

Not every Asgardian is happy with their king’s choice of consort, nor the impurity of the heir’s blood.  While others expect Thor to make things more official.  What’s clear is, the role of Queen of Asgard is not easily filled.

Author’s Note: Written with the human pin-cushion @fanficwriter013​

Chapter 13: Keeping Safe

The next morning I woke still nestled in between Tony and Steve but Thor was nowhere to be seen.  I managed to wriggle out from in between them, and as soon as I was clear they moved toward each other, obviously not ready to wake yet.  I used the bathroom and then went into the living room to find Thor working at a desk.  Volstagg was guarding the door to the children’s room.

“Good morning,”  Thor said looking up.  “Glad to see you’ve joined the land of the living.”

“Are the kids okay?  One of them normally wakes the other and they come and get us.”  I asked.

“Still asleep,” Thor said.  “I checked on them.”

“Do you need help with anything?”  I asked.

“I would appreciate your insight on this scheduling.  There are so few I trust here, making sure the warriors get the rest they need and having everyone guarded is difficult.”  Thor said.

I came over and sat down in his lap and he put one hand on my thigh, tightening it for a moment before just letting his hand relax.  “I’d prefer that you stay with me.  I think that will be the best way to keep you safe.  I’d like at least two people with the children at any time.”  He said.  “I know that Steve can handle himself, so I am not too concerned about him.”

“And Tony?”  I asked.

“I don’t want to say he can’t handle himself.  I know he has the suit…”  Thor said.

“But you’re aware of his fragile mortality?”  I said.

He nodded and put his chin on my shoulder.

“Well, he’s going to want to go to the lab and work on the bots now.  That’s for sure.  Would you trust Tony and Steve alone together?”

“Perhaps.  I think together they should be strong enough to at least hold out a fight long enough for Loki and I to get there.”  Thor said.

“Well, what if Steve and Tony stick together.  And I’m with you.  Then the warriors and Loki can rotate keeping the kids safe.”   I suggest.  “Then when the bots are done there’s extra security on everyone.  Plus the others will be here soon enough.”

“I can make that work,”  Thor said with a nod.  He filled out the timetable and began to write a letter.  I couldn’t understand anything he wrote though as he was writing in what looked like runes.

“I should go and dress for the day if I’m tailing you around,”  I said.  “You could always have either you or Loki with the kids at all times too.  So if you put down when you’re needed to do things elsewhere, Loki can be with the kids.  He won’t mind even with the warpath he’s on.  He loves spending time when Pietro.”

“He does love that little boy,”  Thor said.

“He does.”  I agreed.  “I wonder what that is exactly about?  I’d put it down to the fact he loves books so much.  But remember when he came to meet them?  They were still all floppy and only just learning to roll over.   Even then he wanted to hold Pietro first despite the fact we said he was the one that was more likely to cry.”

Thor shook his head.  “Maybe he always suspected Pietro wasn’t mine biologically and therefore not the heir to the throne.”

I nodded slowly, mulling the hypothesis over.  “Could be.  Perhaps he wanted to make sure he always felt worthy the way he didn’t feel that.”

“It’s hard to say,” Thor said.  “If I understood the inner workings of my brother better, we wouldn’t have the trouble we do.”

I went to stand and he took my hand and looked up at me.  “How are you feeling this morning?  I feel like I ought to check in on you.”

I smiled down at him.  “Better.  Sleep helped.  It was dreamless too.  So that’s good.  I’m obviously still anxious, but so are you.  That’s not going to go away until this is all put to rest.”

He kissed the back of my hand.  “We will get to the bottom of this.”

I kissed him gently and went and bathed.  I changed into a less formal looking Asgardian dress than I had last night.  Though saying that, it was still far more elaborate and formal than I normally dressed.  The dress was gold with black thread work through it and wrapped around me.  Over the top, I wore a blue and black cloak.

When I came back out to the living room Steve and Tony were both up as were the kids.  Pietro was sitting in Thor’s lap drawing on some paper as Thor continued to work, while Riley tore around the room.

“Mommy!”  Riley squealed and slammed into my legs.

“My goodness, you are so hyped lately,” I said, crouching down and cuddling her.

“That might be her connection with Asgard and her newly obtained powers,” Thor said.

I nodded and moved to the couch.  “Sounds reasonable.”

The door open and Loki stalked in.  “Surprise brother.  Apparently, we have more siblings.”

Thor looked up startled and Pietro reached for Loki.  “We what?”

Loki took Pietro from Thor and the little boy snuggled into his uncle’s chest.  “I do not know who this woman is.  But she seems to be an envoy from the kingdom of Heven.  Before either of us were born our parents had two other children.  First was a son named Aldriff.  Back then Asgard was waging war everywhere.  Aldriff was killed by a spy from Heven as an infant.  Next was a daughter.  I have been unable to find anything else except word that she existed.  It’s like every record pertaining to her has been erased.”  Loki explained.  “This new faction is claiming that Aldriff was never killed but taken and raised in Heven to one day take the throne here.  Much like our parents did with me, intending I return and take the throne on Jotunheim.”

“If our brother is a worthy ruler, I’d gladly give him the throne.  Why all the subterfuge and violence?  We have no quarrel with Heven.”  Thor said.

“Wait… just back up a second.”  Tony interrupted.  “There’s a Heaven?”

“Of course, Tony,” Thor said while Loki rolled his eyes.  “These myths you have on Earth usually have an origin elsewhere.”

“Well, regardless, it looks like Heven may have been holding on to some past anger and plan to put their own puppet on the throne,” Loki said, turning the conversation back on track.  “There may be descent in your council.  I will continue to look into it.  If we can smother that it should crush any further attacks.  Heven is not strong enough on its own to take us.  It needs the support of the people.”

“And you’re sure our guest is of Heven?  Aren’t they usually possessing wings?”  Thor asked.

“I don’t know what to tell you, brother.  This is all I know so far.”  Loki said with a shrug.

There was a knock on the door and Fandral lead in the same chef from last night along with some others who were all wheeling trays of food.

“Yay!”  Riley squealed, running over to the carts.  “You maded yummy food.”

“I did, little princess.”  The chef said.

“Fank you.”  She said, looking up at him and bouncing on her feet.

The chef picked up a plate and turned crouching down and offering it to her.  “Made special for the princess.”

She clapped her hands and a breeze picked up. “Fank you.”  She took the plate and then very slowly and carefully carried it to the table.

“You are most welcome.”  He said.  “I’ve made something else for the little boy if he’d like it.”

Loki brought Pietro over and took the plate.  He tasted something and looked down at Pietro.  “You can eat it.”  He said.

“Fank you,”  Pietro said, looking over the food and then carefully sampling some, exactly as Loki had just done.  Meanwhile, Riley had made a complete mess with her food already.

“I’ve taken some liberties with the cuisine to try and make it more to your tastes.”  The chef said.  “I hope you enjoy.”

“Thank you so much,”  I said.

“Is yummy!”  Riley added, enthusiastically.

“This is the highest of praise.”  The chef said.  “Thank you, princess.”  He bowed and left the room followed by his staff.

“Winning hearts there, Rie?”  Tony asked and she grinned up at him, her face completely covered in food.  He came over and began looking over the carts as I helped myself to a selection of things.  “So, what’s on the menu this morning?  You know, aside from -”  He made an obscene gesture and I hit him.

“Tony!  The kids.”  I yelped.

“Uh-huh,”  Tony teased.  “You know you want it.”

I rolled my eyes and took a seat at the table.  “Riley, please use your fork.”  I sighed.

She scrunched her nose and picked up her fork.  She stabbed her food with the fork and then took it off the fork with her hand before putting it in her mouth.

Steve chuckled.  “That’s not how you do that, Riley.”  He said.

“I use dem.”  She said defensively.

“You put the food on the fork and then the fork in your mouth.”  He instructed.

She attempted to do as he said but the food fell off her fork and spilled down her dress.  Steve chuckled and sat down, putting her on his lap and helping her eat.

After we’d eaten the kids got cleaned up and we prepared to split into our respective groups.

“Alright.  The children are mine now.”  Loki said.

“Who’s staying with you?”  I asked.

“That would be me, my lady,” Fandral said, making a large sweeping bow.  Loki looked at him with an expression of complete boredom on his face.  “The lord Loki appears very excited to have me.  That’s okay.  We shall have fun.  Shan't we, your majesty?”  He said kneeling in front of Riley.

She did a wobbly curtsy and patted his cheeks.  “I’m majesty.”

“Where do we want to go, children?”  Loki asked.

“Wibwawy,”  Pietro answered quickly.

“No…”  Riley whined.  “Is borwing.”

“Let us compromise.  First, we shall spend time in the library and then we shall do something Riley would like to do.”  Loki said.

Riley scrunched her nose.  “It's okay, your majesty.  I'll be there.  We can make it fun together.  Annoy your uncle Loki.” Fandral said.  He offered her his hand and she took it.

“Alright, kiddos. You stay with Loki and Fandral.  No wandering off and no talking to strangers.”  I said as Loki and Fandral headed to the door with them.

“Subtle, Elise.”  Loki teased as the twins called out ‘bye-bye’.

After they were gone Hogun led Tony and Steve down to the lab and Thor took me along to a meeting with his advisors and I got to see exactly what being the King of Asgard actually meant.

// NEXT

#the avengers #steve rogers #bucky barnes #tony stark #natasha romanoff #bruce banner #clint barton #wanda maximoff #sam wilson #avengers fanfic #avengers x oc #steve rogers x oc #bucky barnes x oc #tony stark x oc #stucky #clintasha #natasha romanoff x oc #wanda maximoff x oc #clint barton x oc #bruce banner x oc #sam wilson x oc #all caps #thor x oc #thor #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #fanficwriter013 #the tower

[itsbenedict]

Kingdoms and Koopas: Ep. 11

K&K is a Fate Accelerated campaign set in the Mario universe, which I’m running for three players:

Bee @thebeeskneesocks​, playing Kandace Koopa

Jovian @jovian12​, playing Cozmo Naut

Malky @sleepdepravity​, playing Dr. Chevy Chain

Last time | Archive | Next time

Previously on Kingdoms and Koopas, the crew went and shot a movie with acclaimed actor/writer/director Zip Toad, and were wildly successful! However, they did this while ignoring the fact that there was a war going on between the two magic schools, which means that a war between the two magic schools happened without them.

This time, they deal with the aftermath of that event- and end up breaking someone dangerous out of jail for reasons.

(“Pull the lever, Cozmo!”)

So, fresh off the shoot, Kandace gets a phone call from Kammy Koopa, headmistress of Kammy Koopa’s Academy for Young Witches and Wizards. She’s heard of the party’s success in recovering the Music Key from the Orbital Doom Casa, and so she asks Kandace to hand it over. Kandace agrees to do so, but here is the thing: she’s lying. She is lying a lot and does not intend to give Kammy the last Music Key.

Instead, the party hatches a scheme. They want to make Kammy think they’ve handed over the last Music Key, when instead they’ve kept it for themselves. They also want to find out where she’s keeping the rest of them, and maybe figure out what her nefarious plan is- and who she might be working for.

So they need a fake music key, right? Where are they going to get a fake music key? It’ll need to be... round...

I cannot for the life of me believe that the following was Chevy’s idea that she volunteered for, but... a plan is hatched to disguise Chevy as the last macguffin and hand her over to Kammy. Hm! That’s. Going to be. Easy?

Surely it will be easy to do this, All they need to do is make her translucent and blue and the size of a cantaloupe and have a little music note floating inside her and give off a distinctive magical signature. That’s baby school stuff.

Smallening can be achieved via one of Kandace’s spells- she’s got one for the occasion, but the drawback is that while it decreases size, it conserves mass- so small Chevy is very dense and heavy. Thankfully, Kandace has another spell, one she’s used several times in the past- it’s the spell that makes things lighter but softer/rounder, used to allow Chevy to ride along on her broom. By combining the two, the size issue is solved. They now have an appropriately-sized Chevy.

Magic is also the answer to the problem of the magical signature. Since they’re in contact with the princess of the Magic Kingdom, they’re able to call up Opal and ask if she knows the appropriate spell- and she does. Kandace can now smell the magical signatures of items and swap those smells around. (The Music Key magic-smells like mint-flavored sugarless chewing gum, and Chevy smells like formaldehyde.)

The problem remaining is... making Chevy translucent and blue. Kandace doesn’t have a spell for this, so the party heads into town to find something that might do the trick. Legitimate Merchantson is selling some translucent blue paint which surely works the way they’re hoping it does. Chet Rippo has a magical spell he claims will do the job. But what ends up catching their eye is a badge being sold at a badge shop- the Ice Ice Badge, a cosmetic badge that makes the wearer look like an ice sculpture. They walk up and attempt to exchange currency for goods and services, like a bunch of fool idiots.

The badge shop is manned by what appears to be a cardboard cutout of a glamorous-looking Squeek.

“𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢?”

“We’d like that badge there, please.”

“𝚆𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙻, 𝙱𝚄𝚈, 𝚘𝚛 𝙿𝚄𝚁𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚖?”

“What?”

“𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘 𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚖!”

“Um- buy. We want to buy that Ice Ice Badge.”

“𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝙱𝚄𝚈 𝚊𝚗 𝙸𝚌𝚎 𝙸𝚌𝚎 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚐𝚎? 𝚃𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚖, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗!”

“Please repeat the- what? Um, we want to buy that Ice Ice Badge?”

“𝚃𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚖, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗!”

After going on in this manner for an obnoxiously long time (getting into the weeds of the button order system and stupid phone-bot behavior), the party finally manages to purchase the dang thing, which gets them most of the way there. The last element- the music note floating inside- is accomplished by cutting one out of construction paper and having Chevy swallow it. Don’t... don’t ask how that works, digestively speaking.

Point is, they now have their decoy Music Key. Kandace’s shadow, Carbonado, objects to attempting to deceive the headmistress, but Kandace patiently explains that he can’t prove Kammy isn’t being mind-controlled by a space alien, which makes it okay. That’s just logic. That settled, they head to the school to drop off their mole.

On the way to Kammy’s office, the party is accosted by Jr. Troopa, the school valedictorian- who attempts to steal the key for himself. The party opts to deliver a beatdown, but Cozmo gets Worfed and hurts his hand trying to punch through Jr. Troopa’s implausibly sturdy eggshell. It’s up to Kandace and the currently-disguised Chevy to get this joker out of the way- and Kandace has a brainwave.

“Okay, you want it? Catch!”

Kandace throws Chevy at Jr. Troopa, and then mid-throw- after she’s picked up speed- dispels the magic that makes her light enough to carry. Chevy is restored to her full density, rolls an attack, and just absolutely beans the dude with a massive crit that fills up all his Stress boxes immediately. That was... kind of supposed to be a boss fight, holy crap. [pokemon stadium announcer voice] IT’S A ONE-HIT KO!

With the jerk dispatched, the party proceeds to Kammy’s office. Waluigi, looking bitter, shows the party inside.

Inside, the party sees Kamek- the headmaster of the rival school across the street- unconscious and imprisoned in an anti-magic cage. Apparently, while they were shooting a movie, Kammy won the underground school war and took Kamek prisoner. But that’s all perfectly legal and normal- Kammy’s the right hand of the king, she can do what she wants.

The party hands over Kandace, and with the bonuses from their elaborate deception... manage to beat Kammy’s roll to see through their scheme! She’s fooled, and accepts the Chevy-Key. As promised, Kandace is allowed to take three magic items from the Artifact Storage Chamber behind her office. For Cozmo, a combination broom-backpack that functions as a jetpack. For Kandace, a book called Lifehex that lets her nullify her spells’ drawbacks once per session. And for Chevy... well, Chevy can’t talk or indicate what she wants, so Kandace picks out a prize she assumes Chevy would want: a magical pair of stick-on springy boxing glove Arms. With Arms, Chevy can finally do surgery, fulfilling her lifelong dream! Which she couldn’t do before! Is what Kandace assumes.

So Kandace and Cozmo are sent away... and Chevy is carried through a secret door in Kammy’s office, hidden behind a statue. Inside, Kammy and her hench-Waluigi Yzma and Kronk their way down a rollercoaster and into a massive underground chamber, containing a vault labeled “NOT The Actual Artifact Storage Chamber, The One Upstairs Is The Real One.” This vault contains shelves lined with actually powerful magical artifacts- the sort of thing she wouldn’t risk giving out to students as prizes.

Inside is also a table, on which sit three real Music Keys. The pink key from Gourmet Guy, the orange key from Jojora’s temple, and a green key presumably won from Kam Ekademy by Kammy herself. Chevy, ostensibly the fourth key, is placed on the table alongside them.

Kammy then begins a magic ritual with the four keys- but it becomes quickly apparent that Chevy does not hover or glow, like the other Keys do during this ritual. It’s sort of a dead giveaway that she’s a fake.

That said, though, Chevy passes her Careful roll to hold very still and not give away that she is an alive fake, and so she is left on the table as a very angry Kammy Koopa leaves to go discipline a troublesome student of hers.

Chevy is now alone in NOT The Actual Artifact Storage Chamber, The One Upstairs Is The Real One. Unfortunately, her chain was scaled way down so Kammy wouldn’t notice it, and she’s still the size of a cantaloupe, so... she’s sort of stuck. She can’t fly or climb, which means the only way to get up and out is...

oh my god an actual platforming segment in a Mario game, i can’t believe we finally managed it

So Chevy is hopping her way up the spiraling shelves lining the walls of this chamber, knocking dangerous magic artifacts off and onto the floor. She eventually makes it out a hole in the roof of the vault, and begins the arduous climb up the rollercoaster tracks- hanging on by the skin of her teeth. Literally. Or, well, no, not literally; teeth don’t have skin. Whatever. You know what I mean.

Meanwhile, Kandace and Cozmo get a firm knock on the door of Kandace’s dorm room, and wisely opt to flee out the window. They decide to loop around and sneak into Kammy’s office to free Kamek- they use Kandace’s stunt, Cantricked (use her animate broom to distract someone once per session) to send Waluigi (who was guarding the door) on a wild goose chase, while they themselves crash through the window of her office to get in.

So there’s Kamek in a cage. The cage nullifies magic, which is necessary for containing a Magikoopa of Kamek’s abilities. This means Kandace isn’t going to be able to magic up a solution- so it’s up to Cozmo. Kandace orders him to pick the lock.

Cozmo has never picked a lock before and does not know how to do it. He tries anyway, and as you might predict from the fact we recently established about his lockpicking skills, fails.

But all hope is not lost! Kandace has one more ally- her shadow, Carbonado! He hems and haws about the legality of freeing the headmistress’s prisoner- but Kamek is also technically an authority figure in the Kingdom, so he acquiesces and attempts to use his shadowy form to pick the lock from the inside.

Carbonado has never picked a lock before and does not know how to do it. He tries anyway, and as you might predict from the fact we recently established about his lockpicking skills, fails. 

Also he messes up the mechanism so bad that even if they had the key, it wouldn’t work.

Which... is a useful hint, actually. Apparently this lock, though impervious to magic, can still be damaged by mundane means. This is all the encouragement Cozmo needs to start using his head- specifically, his Crystal Skull (Thanks Kandace) aspect, the thing where Kandace transmuted his skull into sapphire as part of a magical experiment. He headbutts the thing so hard it explodes.

They free and revive Kamek, and then... tell him practically everything. Mostly everything. They don’t mention that they still have one Music Key- but they do tell him that they sent Chevy in to scout. And as luck would have it, that’s exactly when Chevy finally makes it up the rollercoaster and knocks on the secret entrance door. They let her out, and she heals up Kamek’s injuries after they return her to normal.

Kamek asks them to help steal the Music Key back from Kammy, which of course they agree to. Kammy’s been acting super shady! And probably mind-controlled! So Chevy leads the party plus Kamek back down the rollercoaster, and into NOT The Actual Artifact Storage Chamber, The One Upstairs Is The Real One.

As soon as they arrive, Kamek begins laughing maniacally. He prepares a big teleport spell, and using it teleports away all of the magical items in the vault including the Music Keys, bwa ha ha! And then he thanks them for their help, because yeah that was pretty much exactly what they said they were going to do, was help rob Kammy. And since they did that exactly as promised, their business is concluded and he teleports away.

So, um. It’s unclear whether it is a good or bad thing that a different arch-Magikoopa assistant to the king is now in control of three out of four Music Keys, but that is now the situation. And at least this one isn’t actively mad at them!

...Unlike the other one, who’s probably going to find out about all this pretty soon and be totally furious at them. Hm. Well.

This seems like an excellent time to go run and hide somewhere, yes? The party heads off to lay low in Duck Hospital, Chevy’s place of work, while they figure out what exactly they’re supposed to do about all this.

Next time: nothing goes horribly wrong at the hospital, probably!

Last time | Archive | Next time 

#kingdoms and koopas

[sepiadice]

DiceJar Campaign 0.3: Holes, Doors, and Blood (2020/03/13)

Finally killed my first PC as a GM!

Yup… Wasn’t intentional but… well, dice made things interesting, so I have to work with it.

We also didn’t have our rogue, which is unfortunate as she’s an enjoyable member, and also there were a lot of traps and locks this time.

The content went through almost the remainder of what was prepared for the previous session. I’d like to get through the content a little faster so the group can move on to actual role-play opportunities, instead of dungeon crawling. It’s an unfortunate result of my experimental Game Mastering a Module, and I’ll likely try and stick to homebrew in the future.

Or, at least, look for modules with more emphasis on socializing.

I did a medium job preparing this session. I got complacent and let the session slip far to the back of my mind leading up. I found my sweet spot session 2, so I need to keep that standard.

Cast

Mogui (IndigoDie): Druid. Does what he’s told by his employer. Indigo has played this module before. Yot (LimeDie): Cleric. Looking to redeem himself for past failures. Lime will commit to bits. Bernard 'Bean' Dipp (NavyDie): Ranger. Trying his best despite being so young. Navy doodles when he’s bored. Delilah Dunford (VermilionDie): Rogue. Searching for an identity beyond her family. Vermilion could not make this session. Game Master (SepiaDie/me): The world (a dusty, dusty world). The walls probably have stories to tell. I’m desperately trying to keep ahead with drawing the map.

Session Three

We reopen in the loot room we ended in the last session. Navy is given his rewards and I expound on the uses of the various items they received.

Now given the opportunity to read his letter, Navy delays long enough to wonder if he’s chosen to make Bean illiterate, but eventually he takes to giving the description: his mother wrote it, opening with a joke, and giving random updates about life in town despite the letter needing to have been placed before the arrival of the party, but it’s an opportunity for the players to expound on their families, so maybe his mother is a little airheaded?

The letter canonizes a High School which has a football team and a glee club. Will anything come of it? Probably not. Did I say with a sigh ‘Guess that’s canon now…’? You bet I did! Always say yes! Improv!

The party headed back into the room with the pool, tested the other door to find it locked, and moved towards the wailing.

The chamber to the East of the entrance contained several walls crisscrossing. A door stood locked to the south. The puzzle of this room is walking around various hidden pit traps while finding three switches that must be held down at the same time to unlock the exit. I originally ruled the switches take a few minutes to reset so the party can run to get to the door, but then I remembered Delilah is technically still there, so I reverted it to operate as written.

Bean and Yot both took turns falling in holes as Mogui moved around cautiously and managed to jump clear of the one pit he did accidentally trigger.

The three maneuvered around the chamber until they found the necessary switches, activated them, and Delilah held open the door so they could get through.

Walking through the next hallway, they finally reached the door for the room from whence the wailing was emitting.

They all decide to ignore it.

Which means they’ve skipped some plot exposition. Oh well, keep rolling and adapt.

Instead, they go down a fork and into an empty room, which formerly held a giant beetle, but I cut that combat as being wholly unnecessary. Instead, our party continues through into the next chamber, which has a fight I did not cut, as I thought it would have narrative value.

A fire pit smolders in the center of the room, a charred corpse within. Upon the arrival of our party, a dark apparition arises and squares up to fight our heroes.

Bean had acquired an Oil of Magic Weapon, granting his bow Plus-One Status, and rendering it a magic attack, so he’s able to harm the shadow.

Yot, meanwhile, uses Holy Flame. Fun fact about our apparition: it was born because a pyrophobic man burned alive in a structure already pretty rife with necromantic energies. That terror and agony was all it took to create the shadow.

So the enemy is real mad at being set on fire, sending out psionic screams for flavor.

Mogui just watches the fight.

After a few rounds of Magic Bow and holy flames, the Shadow perishes. Victory music for everybody!

The party leaves the room, continues to ignore the terrified wails, and enters the last available door.

Within is a round, domed room, with a wooden pillar, standing on an outcrop over a pit at the center of the room, that fires blunted arrows. This is felt to be rather unpleasant, and the party discusses how to deal with it.

Eventually, they check out the door, and find a mechanism built into it.[1] The party attempts to break the mechanism.

Bean then enters, and is pelted by blunt arrows. He walks around and tries to open a southern exit, finding it to be locked, so Bean attempts to approach the trap. Unfortunately, he takes enough nonlethal damage to get knocked out. Whoops.

After waiting for the mechanical whirring to stop, the other two call after Bean, receiving no response. So they cautiously enter.

The trap is now docile. And the southern door is unlocked.

So, what happened here, by the text of the module, is that the trap keeps running for ten rounds, at which time it’ll be exhausted of arrows, and the south exit will automatically unlock. The hope was the party would take the tower shields from the wood golem of last session to block the arrows.

Because of how they broke the activating mechanism (as they snapped off the metal arm in the door hinge that turned the machine off and on), I decided that now once it turned on, it couldn’t turn off. So after Bean was knocked out, the trap kept running until it ran out of rounds.

Don’t ask how the trap’s supposed to keep pelting adventurers inside the chamber after the door closes. Magic I guess.

Stop asking how traps work.

Mogui investigated the south exit while Yot checked on Bean. The door was, of course, unlocked, to the annoyance of Navy, and Yot was taking his sweet time healing Bean, but soon the party was on their feet again and ready for whatever came next.

The final room of the floor widened as it went, the ceiling supported by four columns. Stairs to the south lead to the… basement? Second basement? The crypt’s already underground, so what terminology applies here, I’m not…

Also, there’s two statues in recesses of the south wall. The Module text doesn’t call any attention to them, but they’re probably Kassen.

Our heroes enter this room, get to approximately the middle of the room, and four skeletons, with talon-like clawed fingers and blood dripping from their bones, step out from behind the columns, and menace the heroes.

Combat begins.

As does a series of horrible rolls from both parties. Just a lot of do-nothing turns. Yot tries to bash the skeletons and misses, Bean fires arrows and the closest he got sent the arrow through the ribcage of one skeleton. The skeletons weren’t faring much better, three of them crit fumbling at some point, which I interpreted them as falling prone for a turn.

The rolls were so bad I gently reminded my party that I set up a dice-roll bot in the Discord channel, if they wanted to put Roll20’s die-roller into dice prison. They didn’t go for it.

Back and forth the combat went, the skeletons getting a couple lucky hits on Bean. Eventually, and tragically, those lucky hits added up and Bean hit zero. Navy started making Death Saves, a realm where the exhaustingly low rolls followed and brought him to his death.

NavyDie then spent the rest of the combat doodling an increasingly elaborate death scene, with grave stone, candles, what was either a pentagram or an alchemy circle,[2] and death himself. Whatever self-amusement was needed.

As a narrative-first GM, Player Characters dying in combat is not something I enjoy. I am now in an awkward position of needing to figure out how to proceed and keep Navy involved. If he still wishes to play, of course. A couple options immediately spring to mind: bringing in a new character will be narratively awkward at this point, as we need to justify why the ignorant town would send back up, or why a kid is running so late; there’s an available NPC I could give Navy, but he’d be an odd (but doable) add; or, and this is an idea I like most, I can bring Bean back for a price…[3]

But I need to talk it through with NavyDie first.

Back to those still alive.

Mogui maneuvers to keep a safe distance, eventually coaxing one of the four skeletons back to the previous room, running a circle and returning to the main combat room, closing the door behind him. I rolled a die to determine the nature of the skeletons, and concluded they’re running on animalistic instinct, and thus can’t operate a door.

Also, this cuts down on enemies to delay the fight and rewards IndigoDie for clever problem solving.

Yot, growing tired of not hitting with his Mace, starts using Holy Flame again, forcing the Skeletons to use the horrible dice rolls to avoid damage instead of Yot using the same rolls to cause damage. Progress starts to get made.

Mogui turns into a tiger and starts running about and attempting to hit the skeletons, but still no luck.

There’s also some talk about how the skeletons aren’t taking attacks of opportunity, which had a very elegant explanation: I totally forgot about that mechanic, and I also just plain hate attacks of opportunity. They feel cheap and punish players for not carefully considering every minutiae of their actions.[4]

Eventually, the skeletons are finally either redead, or trapped in another room.

With one dead, the remaining three party members stare towards the stairs to the next floor. As the only escape is to fight the skeleton in the previous room, they mostly consider what difficulty they’re prepared to face.

Of the three sessions played thus far, this one felt of middle quality. I forgot to read my opening crawl text, and I waited until the last minute to write notes for the remainder of the floor (after copying over the leftovers from session two). Neither the combat with the Shadow (where I forgot to implement the smoke in the eyes mechanic the module wanted me to) or the Bloody Skeletons (with horrible dice rolls)[5] felt particularly fun or worthwhile. I’ll probably look to cut more superfluous fights going forward.

I’m also looking forward to moving out of the dungeon. I am learning a lot, as was my goal with running this module, but I’m missing being able to Role-Play as GM.[6] I’m certainly learning to answer questions the text didn’t bother to address, and also how annoying module formatting can be with where it explains things.

When I find time, I should sit down and design a dungeon of my own. That would also be a good learning experience, and also let me feel more at ease with making world-based rulings on the fly and implement elements I like and minimize those I don’t.

There’s just so much combat and map-based traps written in this thing. Makes it too difficult to abstract out the traps and rely on theater of the mind.

Most important take away: Attacks of Opportunity are dumb, and I hereby houserule them away.

I’ve already set things in motion for fun plot developments after this session’s events and feedback received, and hopefully the next write-up will come in about two weeks.

Until next time, may your dice make things interesting.[8]

-

[1] The party is really interested in the actual mechanics of these traps, which the module doesn’t explain, forcing their poor GM to try and reverse engineer it, and maybe I need to start shrugging and saying ‘I dunno, magic I guess.’ [2] Which is a good way to lose a sibling. [3] Just sent Navy a text asking if he’d like a level of Warlock. This could be fun. [4] Also, my experience with another player exploiting the mechanic to attempt to kill me. [5] Though based on his recap, IndigoDie enjoyed the combat for the bad rolls? Interesting guy. It felt like a bad joke that kept repeating to me, and I failed to improvise an Out for those involved. [6] Especially since Indigo sidestepped the opportunity I did have![7] [7] Whatever. Gives me time to give the man a less stupid name. [8] Despite working it into the opening, this sign off still doesn’t sit right. Feels too long… Magazines have little icons to mark the end. Maybe I should do the same?

#SepiaDieGMs #crypt of the everflame #Dungeons and Dragons #Fifth Edition #NavyDice #IndigoDice #LimeDice #VermillionDice

[fulldreamsahead]

Super Virus Testing Facility

Believe it or not, last night I actually had another freaking iZombie dream. Like where are my The Good Place dreams? Maybe it’s because The Good Place was so amazing that my brain just really wanted more out of iZombie? I once again cannot stress enough that these dreams are coming weeks after finishing the series, but I digress... This one at least isn’t some sort of alternate ending and instead I borrow some of the characters to make some kind of mishmash dream about busting out of a compound with the help of some familiar characters and a helpful robot, but I’ll get into that after the break... 

I am Liv Moore, but I’m not a zombie. I've recently been living very comfortably in Minnesota when I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately I contract a virus during the pregnancy that has been going around the US. It is quite lethal and even though I’m testing positive for it, I’m not showing signs, but it’s threatening my fetus. To keep the virus under control, they are sending people who test positive off to a quarantine facility. I am therefore trucking from Minnesota to an unknown location which is basically some enormous military medical base impounding facility. I spent my first few months withdrawn, refusing to acknowledge the other people there because I miss my old life.

After awhile, I got used to the daily routine which includes getting up at 7 a.m. to eat breakfast and then going through regimented exercise activities. At exactly noon there is lunch and from this time until 7pm at night we are allowed to have supervised time with the opposite gender with whom we are typically quarantined off from. The weirdest thing about the virus is that none of us really seem to be sick. Most of us seem completely normal, but we keep being reminded that it is indeed a horrific virus and all the guards are in Hazmat suits. We cannot rebel or even ask questions because they are also equipped with taser guns to keep us in line. Since a few months have passed, my stomach is really starting to swell from the baby. While I still don’t feel comfortable around others, the loneliness is starting to set in. I am the only woman who contracted the virus via pregnancy and that anomaly causes the other women to avoid me for some reason. It seems to stem from how rare that scenario is. 

After scoping out the lunch scene for a few days, I finally select a group of three men who seem relatively approachable. I meet with them and while two of them are faceless, one of them is none other than Major Lilywhite. I strike up a friendship with them and after a lot of talking I finally voice my concerns aloud about how I think it's ridiculous that we're being held up like this and I don't really see a reason why. I don't want my baby to have to grow up in a holding facility not knowing the outside world. Major is a recent quarantine, he was only been brought in the last month, and he is exhibiting great behavior among the officers watching over us. It just so happens that prior to infection he actually worked for the military and was pretty high up in the chain of command. The officers can’t help but treat him a bit differently and so me and the other two men  coerce Major into hatching a scheme with us. 

It takes a lot of convincing, but Major finally agrees that this is a bad scene and he also wants to get out because there just doesn’t seem to be any real virus. Our plan begins by using Major to guilt-trip the general with whom he used to be close friends. Major pretends he is going  stir-crazy in the facility. It just so happens that the base is situated in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hundreds of miles of empty wilderness. Major reminisces about his old love of fishing and how he’ll never be able to do it again. The general is sympathetic and since there is just open space outside the facility he grants Major a day pass to go out and fish in a nearby lake. Instead, we all prepare to use Major’s one-time use day pass keycard to escape like a line of cars sneaking into a gated apartment complex. The general has left Major with the keys to his old Hyundai so we all pile in to leave. 

We drive like our lives depend on it, not realizing that, though it is not within eye sight, there is a second outer wall that we must pass through before we are actually off-base. The outer wall is thick, un-climbable, and comprised of a vaccination facility where they've been trying to produce vaccines for everyone being detained. Faced with those facts we are forced to ditch the car, since our group will be easily spotted at the drive-thru checkpoint, and instead go through the vaccine facility. Major helps us take out a couple of guards walking the perimeter and we don their uniforms to sneak inside. Since I am heavily pregnant, I stick out like a sore thumb and my uniform doesn’t fit at all. 

As we navigate the facility we run into a robot that looks like Justin McElroy. Instead of just being Justin McElroy, it’s more like a shiny metal and squared edged robot that has a striking resemblance to the eldest McElroy brother. His AI is incredible and after working at the facility to move deadly strains of ‘virus’ even he has come to believe that everything going on in the facility is made up. His data led him to believe that the military is being unjust. He tried to voice his concerns to the highest authority, but he was brushed off as a simple malfunctioning robot. While he was checked over by the tech guys, he played dumb and acted completely normal so he could get cleared to return to operation to collect more data. He joins us so he can globally spread what he has found and we maneuver the facility with him leading as if he is meant to. 

As we get out of an office-type area, we enter a part of the vaccine facility that is just rows and rows of tiny Porta-Potty sized cages with people in each stall. There are multiple levels of stalls and narrow walkways suspended overhead leaving little blind spots for monitoring guards. There are small ventilation windows just above the stall doors and we peek into them to find that people are in various stages of disfigurement. We realize that the military is creating some sort of super strong mutating virus by infecting people over and over again with more and more virulent strains. AKA they are purposefully creating super-bug viruses with coordinating vaccines by torturing people. Our urgency levels go up one million fold and we know we have to get out. 

As we follow Justin-bot we are almost immediately spotted and we have to run down winding halls of stall doors to try to get out. We get separated from the two faceless men so my party includes myself, Major, and Justin-bot. We turn another corner and end up in a dead end with no choice other than to try the stall doors. It just so happens that some of the stalls are empty and we all cram into a stall to try and hide. We hear our other two comrades get captured in the distance so we really start getting nervous. Thankfully our compatriots put up a huge fight and buy us some time. Meanwhile, Justin-bot is using one of his attachments to unscrew the top of the stall so maybe we can sneak out onto an upper platform. He gets the top propped open, but we see there is a guard taking his sweet time strolling right above us. We can hear the men finally breaking down the stall doors that lead to ours and Major readjusts the way we are all crammed into the stall. When they bang our stall door open, the door conceals me and Justin-bot while Major allows himself to be captured peacefully. While they are cuffing Major and berating him for betraying the brotherhood, Justin-bot finally gets the top loose and we quietly creep up to the upper platform where the guard has finally left and run for our lives to escape.

#me #dream #dreams #my dreams #scary dream #intense dream #izombie dream #Liv Moore #Major Lilwhite #Justin McElroy #robots #vaccines #dangerous virus #quarantine #military lies #jail break #pregnancy #story time #original story #fiction

[bigherosixfeels]

El Fuego REVIEW

This episode took a turn I didn't expect and my heart wasn't ready...but I loved it.

We're introduced to a popular sport known as mecha-wrestling which is people wrestling in mecha suits. Fred loves it so much, he tried to buy to league, but Richardson Mole anonymously outbid him. And only did so because he knew it would make Fred angry. In the match we get to see, we're introduced to El Fuego ("the bad guy") who goes against his opponent Uncle Samurai ("the good guy"). They fight and get the crowd going for a good amount of time before Richardson signals for El Fuego to lose to fight on purpose. It's all meant to make the good guy in the ring look good. He's tied of it always being this way, so the next time they go against each other, El Fuego goes against the rules and wins.

After being fired, El Fuego wants to go against the toughest opponent he can find. He sees news coverage of Big Hero 6 from when they took down Mega Yama earlier on. He wants to fight against Baymax. After giving some upgrades to his mecha suit, he challenges Baymax to a fight who politely declines. When he finds out that Baymax doesn't fight, El Fuego calls Baymax junk and a chicken bot much to Hiro's frustration. Later on, Hiro voices his frustrations to Baymax, telling him he's not junk. It hurts that El Fuego thinks differently because he's insulting Tadashi's work. Baymax explains that his opinions don't diminish Tadashi's achievements. Hiro knows Baymax is right, but it still affects him deeply.

Meanwhile, Fred has started a Kaiju Space-Wrestling Federation to get back at Richardson. The others aren't very supportive of this idea and later on, Aunt Cass gives him the advice to ignore him instead of letting Richardson get under his skin. Fred decides to take this approach, but Hiro, still furious at El Fuego, designs a Baymax mecha suit and uses it to fight El Fuego on his own. When the others find out, they want to help, but Hiro insists on doing it alone to defend Tadashi's honor. They still want to help and show up to the fight. Baymax manages to get in the middle of the fight without armor to protect Hiro. El Fuego punches him directly, but he's able to take it all without a scratch. He's about to squeeze Baymax, but Fred (in Hiro's exosuit with a Kentucky Kaiju head) comes in to save the day. He's able to use the magnets on the gloves to take off El Fuego's mecha suit. El Fuego is arrested shortly after.

The episode ends with Hiro realizing that nobody can tarnish Tadashi's memory because his work speaks for itself. Baymax states that Tadashi's work has become Hiro's work and the two playfully wrestle.

Things I Liked:

The fight with Mega Yama being shown not only at the very beginning, but would later be seen by El Fuego.

I’m not a huge fan of wrestling, but the concept of mecha-wrestling is pretty cool. It’s very fitting for this world!

Honey Lemon getting into the world of mecha-wrestling and considering it her new happy place.

El Fuego deciding to win a match for a change

Baymax sticking to not fighting

Hiro defending Baymax and being frustrated by El Fuego’s taunts

THE ENTIRE SCENE WITH HIRO AND BAYMAX IN THE GARAGE I CRIED

Hiro being understandably hurt by what El Fuego had to say about Baymax.

Ryan Potter has always done an amazing job voicing Hiro. Any scene where Hiro sounds like he’s on the verge of tears gets me every time.

Hiro’s exosuit finally makes a reappearance!

Hiro’s infuriated facial expression after what El Fuego said on the news

Aunt Cass giving great words of advice to Fred

The Baymax mecha suit it’s awesome!!

HIRO TRASH TALKING USING BAYMAX’S PHRASES AND MODIFYING HIS VOICE TO SOUND LIKE HIM. THAT WAS SAVAGE AT ITS FINEST

“On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate your stupidity?”

“You are about to need medical attention.” 

The nerd gang all saying “Oh no” like Baymax when they realized Hiro was fighting El Fuego.

Hiro wanting to defend Tadashi’s honor

Baymax protecting Hiro without his suit

BAYMAX NOT BEING AFFECTED BY EL FUEGO’S ATTACKS

Fred saving the day with Hiro’s exosuit!

Hiro realizing his mistake

HIRO AND BAYMAX PRETEND WRESTLING THAT WAS TOO PURE 

The whole lesson this episode had about not letting people get under your skin. It was incredibly well done.

Things I Disliked:

The fight scene between El Fuego and Uncle Samurai was entertaining, but wrestling isn’t my thing.   

Richardson. It really doesn’t surprise me that he bought the league just to make Fred mad, but seriously?

On a scale of 1 to 10...I’d give El Fuego a 9!

#my reviews #great episode i loved it!! #hiro #baymax #fred #honey lemon #gogo #wasabi #tadashi #aunt cass #el fuego #richardson mole #mega yama #big hero 6: the series #bh6: the series #bh6 series spoilers #big hero 6 #bh6

[vgckwb]

ML: Are They Worthy? Chapter 55: Sabrina Needs.../Beekeeper (A Hero Like Chloe, Part 2)

Honey Bee returned to City Hall and de-transformed. She nervously rushed out, but then remembered Sabrina. She opened the door and found her, holding onto an old hat she found in the closet. “Thank goodness you’re alright,” she said, hugging her.

“I’m just glad you’re alright” Sabrina said.

Chloe let go and looked at the time. “AH! I’ve got to give my speech. Are you OK to come with me?”

“You go on ahead” Sabrina said. “I’ll catch up with you.”

“Great. Thanks” Chloe said, rushing out the door. Sabrina looked upset, but she smiled.

She then broke down in tears. “Oh Chloe,” she said. “I can't believe I wasn’t brave enough to tell you that someone else got the bee miraculous! I’m pathetic.”

“Well well” Hawk Moth said in his lair. “What have we here? An opportunity to draw Chloe in again, AND punish a new miraculous holder? I LIKE IT! Fly away, my vile akuma, and evilize this girl once more!”

The akuma flew off and fused with the old hat Sabrina was grasping. “Beekeeper! I am Hawk Moth. That bee miraculous belongs to Queen Bee, wouldn’t you agree? With the powers I’m giving you, you will give me Ladybug and Cat Noir’s miraculous and PUNISH Honey Bee for taking what rightfully belongs to Chloe!”

“Of course, Hawk Moth!” Sabrina said. She put on the hat and was swallowed by the purple-black aura. It soon encapsulated the entirety of city hall.

Outside, just after Chloe finished her speech, the building was being taken over. Everyone gasped in horror. “Another one?” Marinette said.

Pretty soon, City Hall looked like a giant beehive with a TV screen on it. An image appeared on it. The room looked like a honeycomb with honey dripping down from the sides. There was also Beekeeper, who was wearing a beekeeper’s uniform, and through the netting she looked like Sabrina, but with purple skin. “Greetings Paris!” she said. “As you know, today a heinous crime has taken place. Queen Bee has been robbed! There’s a NEW user of the bee miraculous out and about calling herself ‘Honey Bee’. I cannot stand for this! That is why I have taken it upon myself to challenge her!”

A swarm of robotic bees exited the hive. “My bees will continue to terrorize the city until Honey Bee gives me her miraculous!” Beekeeper continued. “But first…” The swarm of robot bees formed a hand, grabbed Chloe, and took her in. “There. Now once Honey Bee gets here, she can present the miraculous to the Queen herself!” Beekeeper cancelled her broadcast. More robotic bees exited the hive and spread out. The crowd ran away in a panic.

Marinette and Adrien ran away together. “Quick clarification: Chloe IS Honey Bee, right?” Marinette asked.

“Correct” Adrien answered. “She doesn’t know what happened either.”

“Then we have a problem” Marinette said.

“Not for long” Adrien said. “I’ll take care of this. You get everyone else and come up with a plan!”

He ran off. “Adrien WAIT!” Marinette said. “Ugh!” She ran off on her own and hid.

Mayura was watching the chaos unfold. “Perfect” she said.

She got a call and she answered it. “What are you doing?” Hawk Moth demanded.

“I’m waiting for my opportunity” Mayura said.

“You were only to help with Secret Keeper” Hawk Moth said. “Judgement Wolf almost caught you once today! Fall back! That’s an ORDER!”

Mayura didn’t like it, but she had to respect it. “As you wish,” she said. She left.

Chloe was cuffed to a honeycomb throne. “Sabrina, let me out of here! This is ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!”

“It’s Beekeeper” she said sternly. “Sabrina couldn’t protect you. I can.”

“I don’t NEED your protection!” Chloe shouted.

“Oh Chloe. You’re so brave” Beekeeper said. “Braver than I was when I found out someone had taken what was rightfully yours. I didn’t say anything. I was weak. But now I’m getting your miraculous back! Then we can make Ladybug and Cat Noir pay for leaving you behind!”

“I don’t NEED the bee miraculous!” Chloe said. “I gave it up!”

“But don’t you want it back?” Beekeeper said.

Chloe looked at Beekeeper. “The only thing I want returned to me is SABRINA!”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself” said Cat Noir, jumping down. “Cataclysm!” He ran over to the throne and destroyed it. “Let’s get you out of here!” He grabbed Chloe and left the hive.

Beekeeper put her hand on one of the honeycombs and said “After them!” Out of another honeycomb, another swarm of robot bees came out and started following Cat Noir and Chloe.

Meanwhile, Judgement Wolf was going around destroying whatever robotic bees he could. He saw Abrial fruitlessly swinging a stick at some that were trying to attack her and her parents. He rushed over and destroy them. “Thanks Judgement Wolf” she said.

“It’s what I do” he replied, sheathing his sword. “Now get to safety!” Abrial and her family ran off.

Judgement Wolf got a call, and he answered it. It was from Ladybug. “Judgement Wolf!” she said. “Meet me at the Pont des Arts bridge! I’ll explain when we get there.”

“Gotcha!” Judgement Wolf replied. He left.

He found Ladybug on the Pont des Arts, and Rena Rouge and Carapace came running up as well. “Where’s Cat Noir?” Rena asked.

“He ran off by himself to save Chloe” Ladybug said.

“Of course” Carapace said.

“So, what are we doing?” Judgement Wolf said.

Ladybug thought for a moment. “Rena! Carapace! You two grab the other heroes and protect Paris. Judgement Wolf and I will track Cat Noir and we’ll take the fight to Beekeeper!”

“What about Honey Bee?” Carapace asked.

“Duh! She’s Chloe!” Rena asked.

“Oh right. Judgement Wolf told us as much” Carapace said.

Ladybug nodded. “Now go!” The teams split off.

Alya and Nino arrived at Master Fu’s and grabbed all but the dog miraculous. They retransformed and gave the miraculous to everyone without revealing anyone’s identity. The bees had done a good job of separating people for them.

Meanwhile, Cat Noir was trying to outrun the swarm that was following him while carrying Chloe. “Move faster!” she said.

“I’m trying!” Cat Noir said. “It appears she really wants you!” Suddenly, Ryuko came in and sliced through the entire swarm. “Ryuko!”

“Rena Rouge and Carapace told me the plan” Ryuko said. “Hide Chloe and meet Ladybug at the Arc de Triomphe!” Cat Noir nodded and took off. Another swarm came to Ryuko. She smiled and called out “Lightning Dragon!” She transformed into lightning and zapped all of the swarm. She continued flying through the city, zapping whatever bee-bots she could find.

“NO!” Beekeeper shouted. She checked her other bees and was devastated. All across Paris, heroes were taking out her swarms. Rena Rouge and Carapace were doing their synchronized combat to destroy the swarms. Bunnyx was racing around the city, destroying the swarms and running off using her time powers.

King Monkey was destroying what her could, while also leading a large swarm. He jumped off a bridge, and when the swarm followed, one of Pegasus’s portals opened up, and they flew through into the Seine.

Another swarm was heading towards Pegasus, but they were sniped out by Rooster Gold, who gave Pegasus a salute. Pegusus nodded back. Rooster Gold kept shooting.

Meanwhile, Oxenfree kept destroying bees with his hammer. One of the mini-Scourieses jumped off of Oxenfree and landed on one of the bees. She rewired it, taking control. She smashed into another bee and jumped off onto another bee. We can see plenty of Scourieses doing the same.

Hog Wild had gathered a large swarm, as did BleatStar. When the two met each other, they turned around and used their power against the swarm to capture them. Hog Wild distorted the ground so it turned into a large ball that captured the bees, while BleatStar used the fear he had gathered to make a cage and slammed it on the swarm that was following him.

Viperion had taken the time (literally) to gather as big a swarm as he could, and lead them down the Champs Elysee. Once there, he got out of the way, and Tigress unleashed a huge sound blast to destroy the swarm.

Ladybug watched over this and smiled. “OK, we’re here” Cat Noir said. His miraculous started beeping. “I gotta go.”

“Just be back here as soon as you can” Ladybug said. Cat Noir hid.

“I’m sorry” Chloe said.

Ladybug said “Don’t be. This isn’t your fault. In fact, you helped out earlier, right?” Chloe smiled. “And we need that help now. The four of us are going to take on Beekeeper! Ready?”

Chloe nodded. “Pollen! Buzz On!” She transformed back into Honey Bee.

“Great, now we just gotta wait for Cat Noir” Judgement Wolf said.

“Present and accounted for!” Cat Noir said, coming back.

“That was fast” Judgement Wolf said.

“Well, this time Plagg agreed with me when I said we should rush this” Cat Noir said.

“Let’s go!” Ladybug commanded. The four took off through the city. They destroyed more robotic bees on their way to the hive.

Beekeeper saw the four on their way. “So, they think they can take me out with the impostor” she said. “We’ll see about that.” She placed her hand on another honeycomb to summon something.

The four heroes burst into the hive. “Alright Beekeeper! We have you surrounded!” Ladybug shouted.

“Do you now?” Beekeeper said. The heroes looked up and saw Beekeeper piloting a giant robotic bee. “Because I think I have the upper hand.” The giant bee robot pointed its stinger and Ladybug and charged at her. The rest of the heroes split off and Ladybug ran away. “It’s no use Ladybug! You’re going to pay for ignoring Chloe!” Ladybug continued running. “She’s changed! She’s better! And yet you refuse to give her the miraculous!”

Honey Bee watched at Beekeeper was chasing down Ladybug. Ladybug couldn’t work like that, and she knew it. “Hey! Beekeeper!” she shouted. “It’s me you want, isn’t it?! The so-called ‘impostor’?! You can take care of Ladybug afterwards!”

This intrigued Beekeeper. “Yes. Of course!” she said. “I should be punishing YOU first!” She turned her contraption to Honey Bee. Honey Bee started racing away from Beekeeper.

“Honey Bee, no!” Ladybug called out.

“Relax” Cat Noir said, coming to her. “I think she knows what she’s doing.”

Ladybug sighed. “You’re right. Lucky Charm! Super glue?” She looked around and saw the honeycomb walls, the stinger, Honey Bee, and the super glue. “That’s it! Can you two distract Beekeeper for me.”

“Anything for you, m’lady” Cat Noir said.

“Sure” Judgement Wolf replied. The two jumped into action.

Honey Bee was still running away from the stinger when Ladybug’s yo-yo dragged her off. “Get back here!” Beekeeper said.

“Hey!” Cat Noir said. “I’m sure you have some qualms with us?” He stood on his sticky cockily, while Judgement Wolf challenged her.

“You bet I do!” Beekeeper said, turning her attention to the two of them. She began giving chase. “You both should KNOW how good Chloe has been! You need to stop this impostor with me!”

“I don’t think so” Judgement Wolf said.

“Not even if you bee-have” Cat Noir added.

“Really?” Judgement Wolf said.

“I just had to get one in there” Cat Noir said.

“Ladybug, what’s going on?” Honey Bee asked after being let go.

“You need to use your Venom to stop Beekeeper when she’s in motion” Ladybug said.

“Got it!” Honey Bee said.

Ladybug called out “Cat Noir! Stay where you are!”

“WHAT?!” Cat Noir said, stopping.

Beekeeper smiled. “You fool!” She went full steam ahead towards Cat Noir.

“Honey Bee! Go!” Ladybug said.

“Venom!” Honey Bee said. She stung Beekeeper, which caused her to freeze while still moving ahead.

“Cat Noir, you can leave now!” Ladybug called.

“Thanks!” Cat Noir said. He got out of the way.

Beekeeper crashed into the wall. “And now, for the finishing touch” said Ladybug, getting out her super glue. She took some of the loose pieces and super glued the area around the stinger. “That should do it.”

The Venom was wearing off. Beekeeper tried to back out of the wall, but found that she couldn’t. “So, where’s the akuma?” Cat Noir asked.

“I think it’s in the hat” Honey Bee said.

“How do you know?” Judgement Wolf asked.

“Just trust me on this” Honey Bee said.

“Well, only one way to find out” Ladybug said. She used her yo-yo to grab the hat. Once she had it, she tore it in two, revealing the akuma. “No more evildoing for you, little akuma. Time to de-evilize! Gotcha! Bye bye, little butterfly. Miraculous Ladybug!” The magic Ladybug fixed all of the damage caused by Beekeeper. All of the heroes outside were in awe, and pounded it with whoever was close by.

Sabrina returned to being herself. “Ugh…”

“Pound it!” the four heroes said.

“My second failure for the day” Hawk Moth said. “No matter. I’ll still be busy as a bee to defeat you, Ladybug!”

Ladybug got a call. She answered it. “Rena! How’s it going?”

“Great!” Rena said. “Carapace and I are going to get back the miraculouses soon. Just wanted to check in and congratulate you.”

“Thanks” Ladybug said. “You all did well out there too.”

“Seeya” Rena said, hanging up.

“Hey!” Sabrina demanded. “I know I wasn’t myself, but I still feel like that!” She then went from angry to sad. “Chloe really has changed. So why?” tears started to drop. “Why can’t she be Queen Bee anymore?”

The heroes looked at the crying girl. Honey Bee turned to Ladybug. Ladybug nodded. “Sabrina!” she said. Sabrina looked up. “Pollen! Buzz Off!” She transformed back into Chloe.

“Chloe?” Sabrina said, slightly confused. “Chloe!” she said, happier. She ran to Chloe and gave her a hug.

“I’m sorry, Sabrina” Chloe said. “I wanted to tell you, but Judgement Wolf told me to keep it a secret for as long as I could.” The hug got less tight, but they were still embraced. “I didn’t know why I had a new costume either.”

“None of us were expecting that” Judgement Wolf said. “I told her to keep it a secret because if she became Queen Bee again, then everyone would know who she was.”

“If I may, your majesty” Pollen said. Everyone turned their attention to her. “A miraculous costume is determined by the heart of the user. Since Chloe recently went through a dramatic change of heart, her costume also changed with it!”

“So, it’s the biggest signifier of her becoming a better person” Cat Noir said.

“And I mistook that as someone else” Sabrina said. “I’m such an idiot.” She cried into Chloe’s jacket.

Chloe locked her arms around her. “It’s OK,” she said.

“SABRINA!” Everyone could hear Lieutenant Roger call out for his daughter. “Sabrina, where are you?”

Ladybug’s Miraculous started to bee. “Don’t worry. I’ll cover for you and you can make your escape” Sabrina said. She left the room. “I’m over here, daddy!”

“We should get out of here” Cat Noir said.

“WAIT!” Chloe said. “Ladybug, can I talk to you?”

Ladybug noticed her earrings counting down.

“Let’s go to the roof,” she said. The heroes grabbed Chloe and took to the roof. “Alright, let’s hurry this up!”

Chloe stood there nervously. “Um, it’s OK if you don’t want to tell me, but are you Marinette by chance?”

Ladybug was surprised. Still, she knew what she had to do. She let her transformation run out and then said “What do you think?”

Chloe was delighted. “I KNEW it!” she said. “Iknewitiknewitiknewit!”

“So, how did you figure me out?” Marinette said.

Chloe looked at Marinette. “Well, I started thinking it when I first saw Pollen and how she reminded me of that toy thing I grabbed.”

“You mean me?” Tikki said.

“Yeah” Chloe said. “Sorry. Had I known, I wouldn’t have done that. Anyway, I started realizing it more after the talk we had after the day Adrien’s photographer. And even more at my coming out party with the class.”

“I see” Marinette said.

Cat Noir then smirked like he had an awful idea. “Hey Chloe. Watch this!” He then grabbed Marinette and gave her a kiss.

Chloe yanked Cat Noir off of her and started shouting. “Hey! She’s spoken for! And by one of my closest friends too! Marinette, I am so sorry. If he found you made a move on her, he would be so devastated and-”

“Plagg! Claws in!” he said. He transformed back into Adrien. “Hey Chloe.”

Chloe started smacking him. “Not funny, Agreste!”

Adrien chuckled, putting his hands up to try and defend himself. “I just like seeing how much you cared.” He chuckled some more.

Judgement Wolf sighed. “Does this mean I have to share who I am too?” he asked.

Chloe stopped smacking Adrien long enough to answer. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Judgement Wolf stood still. “Beyyo! Fangs Dull!” He changed back into Vlad.

Chloe smiled while lowering her eyelids. “I should have known it was you.”

“Yeah, well, lucky you didn’t get akumatized for it” Vlad said. Chloe punched him. “Ow!”

“That’s my girlfriend we’re talking about here,” Chloe said.

“Sorry” Vlad apologized.

“Well, we should get out of here” Marinette said. The heroes retransformed and separated.

Roger and Sabrina found Chloe at the Arc de Triomphe. “Chloe!” Sabrina said. “I got your text. I was so scared.”

“It’ alright” Chloe said. “Cat Noir stashed me here after he rescued me. You know, I did mean it when I said that I didn’t need the bee miraculous if I had you.” Sabrina blushed. “Come here.” Chloe gave Sabrina a kiss. Roger smiled. From a different vantage point, Ladybug, Cat Noir, and Judgement Wolf looked down and fist bumped as well.

Meanwhile, in Gabriel’s office, he and Nathalie were talking. “It seems that Miss Bourgeois really don’t mind not having the bee miraculous” Gabriel said. “It looks like I can’t use her anymore.”

“With her out, and with Lila wavering on her convictions, it seems that we’re losing potential allies” Nathalie said. “Meanwhile, Ladybug’s team only appears to be growing. What should we do?”

Gabriel grinned. “Not to worry. We still have limited help from Judgement Wolf. But more importantly, I think there’s someone new I can convince.”

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fanfic #Marinette #Chloe #Adrien #Vlad #Alya #Nino #Sabrina #roger #Tikki #Pollen #Gabriel #Nathalie

[petitprincess1]

How To Torture Your Heroes

Summary: Demencia and Clem teach the gross cockroaches of the world how to properly obtain and torture your enemy better than some nerdboy could!

Words: 2,454

Characters: Demencia, Flug, Clemencia, and Black Hat (briefly)

Warnings: A bit of torture, but nothing too bad.

I had too much fun with this

Demencia sat at the metallic table with her arms crossed and glaring at the shaking Cam-Bot and Flug, who was clearly smirking underneath his bag. She just narrowed her eyes at him, while, at the same time, erratic noises and lights that were going on beside her. She then slowly glanced over to her side at seeing Clemencia strapped up in a chair, wrapped in a straitjacket, and her mouth covered by a mask. The unicorn witch was currently vibrating in the chair, hearts in her eyes changing various of colors, and her powers were sparking from her horn. She was also making many high-pitched squeaking sounds and they only became louder the moment Dem’s eyes were on her.

Demencia’s stare went back to Flug, who was setting up Cam-Bot and ordering, “Alright, remember that Black Hat wants you to do this. Honestly, I wouldn’t care and the only commercials I would have you do is one for rabies vaccinations or one where we send you off to space.”

Flug was expecting Demencia to make a “witty” comeback like her becoming queen of the moon-people or something that idiotically implausible, but she just kept glaring at him. He just rolled his eyes and then looked as Cam-Bot’s recording light come on, saying, while holding up cards for her to speak off of, “Okay, Cam-Bot is recording. Go, Demencia.”

Demencia narrowed her eyes further at him before speaking in an even, annoyed tone, “Welcome, you bottom feeders, are you sick and tired of using the same old methods to capture and torture heroes? Do they always get away from your clutches? Always stealing your shit-” “Demencia, stick to the cards.” “Ugh! Always stealing your equipment,” she mocked in an obnoxiously nerdy voice by plugging her nose and then continued, “and leaving a mess everywhere? Then, fear not, for- this is so fucking stupid! Couldn’t you at least have tried to make the script sound like me, instead of your disgusting, lameass nerd language!?”

Flug pinched at where the bridge of his nose would be and then spoke in a professional manner, “You know, I really did try to, Demencia. However, you must understand that it is quite difficult to translate caveman speak to our natural, everyday colloquialism.”

Dem slammed her hands down on the table and shouted at him, “Say that to my face, punching bag!”

“You’re literally a few feet in front of me! How is this not saying it to your fa-” “Because it isn’t, chicken shit! If you were brave enough, you would say it right here, instead of-” The two began bickering over one another. Flug giving out the most intellectual disses the world has ever known, while Demencia resorted to “colorful” language, gory descriptions of Flug’s demise, and the occasional, never defeated “bleh bleh bleh” method. 

Meanwhile, Clem watched the two fight amongst one another like a child watching their parents argue. She casually shimmied out of her straitjacket, unbuckled the straps, and took off the mask. Skipping over to Flug, she looked down at the cards in his hands and asked, “Can I see those?”

“Yeah, sure,” Flug said absentmindedly, as he just went back to quarreling with Demencia like the goof that he is. Clemencia just went back to her seat and sat down, reading over the cue cards. Cam-Bot turned off its recording for a few seconds to look in-between the two villains and shook its ‘head’, wondering how it hasn’t short-circuited from all this madness. The only thing that was able to break them out of their squabble was Clemencia shouting, “Whaaaaaat!? Dangle them over hydrochloric acid? Painful injections? Lead them to you with what they love? What is this absolute crap? I thought you were supposed to be the best in the business, Flug!”

Flug immediately put a hand to his chest, feeling absolutely offended, while Demencia snatched at the cards and started reading them over. The scientist shouted, “Okay, listen here you randomly generated Tumblr OC, I don’t need someone like you telling me that-”

“I'm gonna stop you right there because you clearly do! None of this would truly work! It's, dare I say, old hat! I mean, who dangles people over acid anymore?” Clemencia asked, while Demencia finished reading and winced, “As much as I hate to agree with sparkles over here, I think she's got a point.”

Flug crossed his arms, scoffing and sputtering, before taking a deep breath and giving in, “You know what? Fine! I'll let you both take over, see how well you do, but I'm not gonna be responsible for how Black Hat reacts!”

The two multicolored women weren't even listening to him, as the two were writing down suggestions and even making some pictures on their garbage writ- er…“script”. Clemencia then pulled down a large, long projection screen out of nowhere and the two hid behind the screen. Clem whispered, “Aaaaaaaannnndddd...action!”

Cam-Bot just shook its head and then rewound the footage before starting it back up again. Suddenly, an image of a half lizard and half unicorn skull crying out rainbows in front of heart that had nails all over it appeared on the screen. The two magically poofed in front of the screen. Demencia was holding a bloodied baseball bat that had nails all over it and Clemencia held a pink and gold axe that had hearts within the blade and pink bows along the handle. Flug groaned, as he sat down with a mug in his hand that...possibly held coffee, “Oh boy.”

Demencia greeted, “Welcome, you gross boils of the underworld, it's your ruthless, badass Demencia to teach you scrubs about how to truly capture and torture your victims, whether they be a hero or a disgusting, useless, sidekick, nerdboy!”

Flug gave loud sigh, but didn't say anything. The lizard woman pointed to Clemencia and introduced, “And who better to check over such methods than with- Gah!”

Clemencia suddenly brought her into a spine-crushing hug and lifted her off of the ground, exclaiming, “Than with her no-as-equally-but-pretty-dang-close-at-least-hope-so-or-I’ll-cry-in-the-tub-again-tonight gorgeous girlfriend, Clemencia!”

Dem growled, as she hit her over head with the bat, “I'm not your girlfriend, dumb broad!”

Each hit that she made just made a squeaky toy noise. Flug blinked at the both of them and then cleared his throat. The two stared at him before going back to their normal poses and Dem went on like nothing happened, “Than with this horrible excuse of a hero over here!”

The unicorn witch smiled and giggled, while her horn made random sparks of pink magic. The screen then changed while Dem continued, “Now, some idiots would give you stupid little ideas that you can lead your victim by using things that they love,” a drawing of Clemencia had her being led to a trap by a Demencia doll on a string, “or being hung over acid,” another image of Clem being hung over acid that she just changed into jello with a confused, smelly Flug, “or, even lamer, with injections,” and then the final was another Flug with the words “gross nerd” over his head poking a confused hero in the eye with a syringe.

Clemencia then quickly added in, “Well, I never thought they were lame or anything, just that I know you can do it a bit better with that big boy brain of yours, Fluggy~!”

Flug corrected, “That’s Dr. Flug Slys to you.”

“Ya got it, Flug-bug!” Clemencia smiled with a cute little wink afterwards, making Flug just take bigger gulps of his “coffee”. Demencia put a finger to her mouth, fake gagging, and asked in an annoyed tone, “Are you two done being weird?”

Clem mumbled, looking slightly concerned, “...I-I was being…” and then a fully forced smile came across her face and she said cheerfully, “Yes, I am, my wonderful savior! ...Um,” she then levitated Flug’s mug to herself, grabbed it, and then tossed it right into his face with a blank expression. The mug spilt all over Flug upon impact and he fell back with a loud thud, shouting, “WHYYYYY!?”

Demencia blinked at the whole and then went back to the commercial, “Anyway, a little help from Dem and Clem will get your ass back in line with these three easy options! Number one: Don’t go for all that complicated garbage! Your own body should be plenty to attract those dumb heroes.”

The image on the screen changed to a drawing of a hero cornering Demencia in an alleyway, while she was wearing chainmail armor lingerie that had a the Black Hat logo on her panties. Clemencia’s eyes turned into hearts, despite one of them twitching at the “dumb heroes” comment, and added in, “Which should be plenty easy, if you’re as sexy as Demencia! However, if you’re not- which a good majority of you aren’t -then this second option is for you! Number two: As much as we heroes love kicking your butts from here to Atreno City,” a Clem drawing had her kicking villains, while they’re curled up on the ground, like Flamme, Mother Poltergeist, Mawrasite, and, of course, Flug, “there’s nothing we love more than peaceful agreements.”

Next was a copy-and-pasted picture of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, but they had a bunch of villains’ and heroes’ faces drawn poorly over all the political figures’ faces with Clem and Dem sharing Thomas Jefferson’s face. The actual document was scribbled with Demencia’s crayon and Clemencia’s sparkly marker writing that read: “Blah blah blah,” “Dem for president,” “Clem was here <3,” and a signature “Flug the virgin.” Clemencia went on, “However, we also have a high sense of smell to know when there's bullshit afoot, so try to at least seem a bit more genuine than what you’re actually doing,” a picture of an annoyed Vanity appeared at a dinner table with Dark Phantom in a suit, who was looking extremely nervous and holding a ray gun behind his back.

Demencia then said, “And, finally, the torture! The fun part! Now that you’ve clearly used the first method to capture your foe because the second one is for complete morons-”

Clemencia shifted on her and chuckled nervously, “Heehee...right…”

The lizard hybrid then went on, “The best way that you can torture your hero is by causing them the slowest amount of pain possible and that their screams are filling your entire lair!”

The image on the screen showed a hero tied up to a chair, looking absolutely terrified, while Demencia was doing various tactics on them like using thumb-screws to drill through their fingers, using a red hot iron rod to brand their skin, or reading bad fanfiction. All the while the hero seemed to be in extreme anguish. Demencia then added, “However, if the hero is somehow resilient, you can also do the same to the sidekick or family,” the drawings changed to her doing the same to those people, instead of the hero.

“Whichever one you do, the hero should be able to do whatever you wish after a whole 24 hours of torture, but if you’re as good as me, you’ll have it done in less than 30 minutes. Heroes are absolutely traumatized afterwards though, so make sure to throw them out afterwards,” drawing Dem was throwing the hero into the incinerator, “Although, that may be hard because most heroes are stupid and useless already to begin with. Right, Clemencia? ….Right!?”

…

Dem growled as she sharply turned to her, only to stop at seeing Clem holding onto herself and also shivering. Clemencia started tearing up and she stuttered, “I-I’m...I’m n-not useless….o-or….stupid...r-right?”

The lizard hybrid just bit her lip and looked away, causing Clem to whimper and then teleport out of there. Right as soon as she did, Flug came back into the lab, holding a cloth covered ice pack on his bagged face, and asked, looking around, “Hey, where did the poster child for insulin shots go to?”

He then noticed Demencia looking somewhat saddened and guilty, as if she made a mistake. Flug was about to reach out to her and ask if she was alright, but then suddenly the projector caught alight by red flames, as Black Hat rose from the flames. His eye completely black with a red, slitted pupil and his form shifting and changing as eyes, mouths, and tentacles appeared. The tentacles squeezed around the two, strangling them, and Cam-Bot quickly ran out out of there before it got taken. Black snarled at the two, “What is going on here!?”

Demencia made a stupid comment about Black Hat always taking her breath away, while Flug made his famous dying seal squeaks.

At White Hat’s manor, as the moon was rising, Clemencia hung half her torso off of the balcony connected to her room, sighing at all that Demencia said and wondering where exactly she went wrong. She messed with the bow on her ponytail, while her unicorn hoodie’s eyes started tearing up. She mumbled to herself, “Maybe I’m just too bubbly at times...and I doubt myself too much...and...I eat too much cake! Ugh! I need to change my ways! I need to get tough and more wild like Demmie!”

She then lifted up her body back up to the top and the moment that she did, she felt lips press against her cheek, as well as catching the scent of roses, spray paint, and raw meat. Clem summoned a large mallet and shouted, “How dare you steal Demencia’s scent!?”

She then looked around and saw nobody there, but did see a note placed onto the railing of the balcony. She tilted her head as she placed the mallet back into her hair and grabbed onto the note to see what it said: “I wasn’t talking about you being useless or anything like that, dum-dum! You’re pretty...alright. I just gotta keep up an image, ya know? Now stop being so emotional or else I’ll have to cuddle you! >:3c”

Clemencia blinked at the letter before her eyes turned into hearts and a dopey smile grew across her face, while hugging the paper close to her chest. Yeah, it wasn’t anything all that poetic, but it was absolutely beautiful in her eyes. She then looked down at at her balcony and noticed some red and green paint that was on the railing of where the note was. She turned the note around and saw red and green painted words that read: “By the way, got ya a surprise! Turn around!”

The unicorn witch spun around with a bright smile and saw a bomb with “Dem waz here” spray-painted onto it, making Clem coo, “Awwww, Demmie!!!”

I’ll probably make some fanfic about the other two...uh...*looks at hand* Shite Bat and Plug

#villainous #villainous fic #villainous au #heroic #heroic au #villainos #villanos #vilainos #vilanos #clemencia #clementia #demencia #dementia #kenning flugslys #flug slys #flug #dr flug #black hat #fanfiction #writing #writers on tumblr #my writing #pastel punk

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 12: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

S: It's really dark and it's ominous and he's standing in moonlight, and he's examining a body.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I’m Owls!

S: And I'm Specs!

O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 12: The Ultimate Doom, Part 2. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Yesssss. Last time on the Transformers, Sparkplug turned into a shitty parent via mind control (well, when the Decepticons are involved it happens)-

O: [Laughter]

S: Optimus hit his head and made extremely questionable decisions and then Megatron has, uh, transported Cybertron into Earth's orbit.

O: As you do. And as we open today catastrophes threatened to rip the planet Earth to pieces.

S: And Cybertron? It just looks like a bad moon rising on the horizon.

O: [Laughter]

S: Oh god, I didn't realize that rhymed the time.

[Laughter]

O: Spike tries to talk some sense into his dad but Sparkplug just tries to get him to join the bad guys instead.

S: Oh I swear Spike really looks like he's staring into the camera like it's The Office. He looks so done.

O: He really, really does.

S: This poor kid.

O: And if you remember last time, it was Optimus Prime, himself, that allowed Cybertron to be space-bridged near Earth. Optimus is regretting his actions at the moment and Ironhide tells him, “he did what he needed to do.” Why? No- I call bullshit on this, there was no good reason why this needed to happen beyond Megatron saying that Cybertron would be destroyed otherwise, but I don't really think it would have been. There was no reason to think this because I call bullshit.

S: Optimus, you could have literally taken a step back to think about this. You didn't need to press the stupid button right that minute.

O: He could've decked Megatron. Knocked him out, thought about it, then pressed the button. I still would have thought you made the wrong decision but whatever.

S: You could have had Ratchet look at your head first. I mean-

O: Yeah, seriously I convinced he had a head injury.

S: Yeah. So Megatron's already decided that they've won the war-

O: Of course.

S: As you know, giant mechanical despots are prone to do. I mean, he does this multiple times.

O: Of course, Spike attempts to shoot Megatron with this, like, laser beam that might be a satellite from the previous episode. We’re not sure.

S: I'm pretty sure it is, it basically looks exactly like what they used to space-bridge-

O: Yeah, but it doesn't have the Giant dish on it, that's why I was confused.

S: Maybe they took it off? I don’t know-

O: I don't know. Anyway, it's this thing he hops into and tries to shoot Megatron but, uh, Megs is warned by Sparkplug and gets out of the way.

S: Bad dad.

O: This generates some rocks that almost hit Starscream and Starscream is incredibly angry about getting rocks thrown at him.

S: And he totally looked like Thundercracker the shot prior, like, he was totally Thundercracker blue and then next shot we see him reacting and, nope, that is Starscream. He's probably super pissed about the color change, too.

O: I would imagine. Starscream insults Spike by calling him a “flesh creature” and says, “We’re invincible!”

S:  Oh, my god we should maybe have a tally of that.

O: I- We should. Just have, I-I think it would literally explode with all the-

S: Maybe how many episodes since Starscream said “We're invincible!” or “I'm invincible!” or some variation.

O: [Laughter] It’s been 0 days since the last incident.

S: [Laughter] That seems simpler. I don’t know. So Starscream leads the other Decepticons into an attack

O: And during this attack, Bumblebee gets hit and this hit, for some reason, makes this sound straight out of a bowling alley instead of it actually sounding like metal is being hitn

S: Yeah, like, it doesn't sound like a strike but it sounds like they got like one or two pins with a bowling ball and it's honestly kind of weirdly, um, auditorily disappointing

O: [Laughter]

S: It's weird.

O: It doesn't quite have the impact maybe you were expecting.

S: Yeah, and meanwhile Optimus acquires cat-scratch fever as Ravage jumps on his back, then a branch falls on a power line overhead. Which...I don't think we saw this power line before now but, yeah, the branch falling on the power line causes the power line to fall down and shock Ravage, who then runs the fuck away.

O: I- I just have to ask it, what was the point of anything that's happened in this episode? I don't think it really has an impact of anything that happens after this. It's just things are sort of happening at this point, I think.

S: They needed something to fill up space because they didn't have enough plot for three frickin episodes.

O: Yeah, this should have been like maybe two.

S: I don't think they’d quite gotten two parters down at this point.

O: Eh, probably not.

S: Because I think we've only got individual episodes and then three-parters and then the five-parters.

O: Oh God, I'm not looking forward to those. I’m convinced- I am convinced the multi-partners are the weakest ones in the series.

S: Yeah. So, the Seekers take to the air and Starscream orders Thundercracker to shoot. Thundercracker is, you know, totally rightfully worried about the wind and Starscream is like, “Shoot anyway!” and then lo and behold the fire from Thundercracker’s flamethrowers totally blow back onto them. They don't have a good time.

O: They do not but, naturally, in the middle of a life-or-death fight this sight causes Jazz and Trailbreaker to drop everything and toss a few fire puns at each other.

S: Hot nose. Hot nose.

O: They weren't even good fire puns.

S: Yeah.

O: Rumble gets a taste of his own medicine as seismic activity causes a crevice to open under his feet and swallow him up.

S: He's getting his just desserts, I guess. I don't know. And Soundwave’s been just standing in the back watching all this chaos. Like, he just he looks like he's disassociated.

O: [Laughter] Eh..um…boy am i tired.

S: But, yeah, so he's just standing back watching all this chaos unfurl around him and then Megatron orders him to use an audio disruptor wave.

O: Which he has now, apparently, and Soundwave being one of the few bots able to take an order in this goddamn army does what he's told.

S: The resulting audio wave causes the Autobots to flee and for the majority of the humans a seemingly snap out of their weird mind controlling, except Sparkplug. I guess this thing, like, just. I don't know it seems like it makes the Autobots fall down and humans just snap out of things.

O: But of course Sparkplug isn’t snapped out of this.

S: It's plot relevant.

O: Of course.

S: Then we literally see Prime's trailer sort of shimmer into existence here as they flee, which was a nice effect.

O: It was actually a nice effect but I'm still, like, is the trailer a hologram? Does it, like, come out of subspace? How does the trailer work? And I'm never gonna get an answer to this. [Laughter]

S: I think we just say subspace, but…

O: Probably... which, so many questions. Ah, Spike and Bumblebee flee as Spike watches his dad escape into Skywarp and why do you think Skywarp was picked to be the Sparkplug ferry?

S: I don't know. Um, maybe he was just cooler with having squish- well, humans near him or as he'd say ‘squishies?’ I don't know, he seems like he's maybe chiller than the others.

O: Oh, Starscream would not even remotely consider the idea whatsoever.

S: Well, he does with Dr. Arkeville.

O: Yeah, but that's on his own choice.

S: Yeah.

O: I don't think he’d be very happy if Megatron was like, “You are in charge of this tiny human, Starscream.”

S: True, and I feel like Thundercracker would just be like, “Nope-”

O: Nope, nope. Thundercracker out!

S: Yeah. Though watching Dr. Arkeville makes the connection that his mind control has been broken by the audio disruption and-

O: Psst! This will be relevant later!

S: Oh, very relevant.

O: Starscream, in the middle of all this, starts yelling at Megatron about letting the Autobots escape. Megatron rewards this outburst by backhanding Starscream across the face.

S: As he does. I mean, he seems like he does that, like, once every two episodes.

O: Something like that.

S: They have a very weird relationship. Megatron tells Starscream that this is the only warning he's intending to give and Starscream makes a super fucking weird face.

O: Is he turned on by this? I mean...is he turned on by this? That’s. That’s what that smirk looks like. Okay! Back in the Decepticon base Rumble watches with mild interest as Dr. [Ark]eville shoots Sparkplug with a laser.

S: Whyyyy does Dr. Arkeville shoot him with a device that's, like, three feet away and hanging from the ceiling instead of, I don't know, a handheld device that would be, you know, a lot more easy to control?

O: Obviously it's to make the new hypno-chip stick. Who needs glue when you have lasers!

S: I feel like glue would be the easier and cheaper method.

O: He's a mad scientist, Specs, he's a mad scientist. Lasers are clearly the way he has to go.

S: ...But it's not efficient.

O: Mad scientists’ don’t care about efficiency!

S: I feel like he should but-

O: Well, he's a kind of shitty character, to be honest.

S: He is, unfortunately. Well, I don't think we ever see any other iterations of him which I guess I'm glad about.

O: He actually is in Shattered Glass, ironically, but he's a good guy.

S: That's good!

O: I like him! I like him in Shattered Glass, actually.

S: I was, like, I was gonna ask if he was a good person.

O: He's actually really cool. He’s still got like some cybernetic augmentations that nobody's really sure where it came from but, no, he's actually pretty cool.

S: That’s good! I’ll have to read those. I mean you’re-

O: They’re all on your new computer now!

S:Well, you're enabling the hell out of me, thank you.

O: [Laughter] Well, I mean I feel I can only return the favor.

S: So, Laserbeak is apparently kid- off- well, off kidnapping more human test subjects elsewhere.

O: He kidnaps two people at a time here. You’d think he'd go to a school or factory or something and get a bunch of people all in one go?

S: Well, he's also one relatively small bird robot.

O: TRUE. You’d think they would send multiple bots and do this.

S: True, true. I guess the animators just didn't want to deal with animating a whole crowd of people which, um, fair. I wouldn't want to, either.

O: Yeah, Laserbeak returns with the kidnapped men and Rumble takes one of them off to be enslaved via hypno chip but not before Shockwave calls to inform Megatron that the energy level of Cybertron is at a critically low level.

S: Cybertron is just always on the verge of fuckin starving. Oh god.

O: Shockwave. Shockwave, you've gotta ask for a transfer, man.

S: Yeah, or just, you know, actually shipping goddamn Energon which I guess the Decepticons do try, but the Autobots keep, you know-

O: Fucking shit up?

S: Yeah, I've forgotten the word that I want. Fending off their efforts? Something, whatever.

O: Sabotaging?

S: They're not sabotaging, they're just completely locking things down, preventing them from [clap] from doing it. I feel like the word starts with an F but it's not important. Let’s get this back to this! Um. Back with the Autobots, Optimus and Ironhide are having trouble navigating the “severe weather” quotation marks there. So many quotation marks around “severe.”

O: [Laughter] It just looks like a heavy drizzle but okay guys. Jazz is ergonomically handling this situation by magnetizing himself the Ironhide's bumper.

S: Jazz, you just make everything better. You’re- you’re awesome, dude.

O: Definitely!

S: Even if I am kind of annoyed by your really bad puns, earlier.

O: He’s the Pun Master.

S: Pun Meister.

O: Yeeeeeeaaaaaaah!

S: [Laughter] Oh god. In Bumblebee’s cab, Spike just he looks so fucking done. He really looks like he's disassociated.

O: Oh yeah, he's super out of it. So much so, that when Bumblebee blows out a tire and needs help he's gotta, like, physically shake Spike out of his cab to get his attention.

S: Oh god, no one's having a good day, especially with all the rain. And Megatron would like to have some updates on his human slaves, oh, thank you very much.

O: I'm not sure who wrote this damn episode but I strongly suspect it may have been a drunk monkey because we literally keep cutting to people for less than 30 seconds and then cutting away again. All of these scenes feel sooo pointless! And so we go back, yet again, with Spike and Bumblebee after swapping to Megatron for like 10 seconds. Um, a big, random crack opens up under Bumblebee. Bee ends up hanging off the edge of the side of the cliff, clutching Spike to his chest.

S: And, okay, it's it wasn't intended to look like this but between Spike’s expression here and the way he's clinging to Bumblebee, it really just looks like he's completely and utterly disgusted with someone critiquing their relationship.

O: [Laughter]

S: That's- I know he's clinging to Bumblebee for dear life because, god, there’s-

O: Canyon!

S: Fuckin, yeah. Hundred foot canyon? We don't know how deep it is. But that expression. He just looks so disgusted. He looks so unhappy.

O: Laserbeak shows up out of nowhere and takes off with Spike.

S: This is apparently what giant robot birds do. That’s just his life.

O: I want to know why this cassettes got conscripted into helping the mad scientist, exactly? They actually know how to take fucking orders that's the reason.

S: And they’re vaguely close to scale to him.

O: Yeah they are a lot smaller.

S: Yeah, and then Bumblebee loses his grip by apparently forgetting that he was, you know, needing to hang off to the edge with that particular hand.

O: [Laughter]

S: He presumably falls to his death as we go to the commercial break.

O: And just sort of quote the Jem Jam, “Buy the toys, kids, or Bumblebee might die!”

S: Aaaah, that's a lot of the motivational factor behind these episodes isn’t it.

O: Uh-huh, uh-huh.

S: Oh god, Spike is rescued by Bluestreak, Hound, and Windcharger, when Bluestreak shoots Spike out of Laserbeak's grasp bringing Bluestreak’s sniper skills into this.

O: Of course, and Hound transforms and catches Spike in his seat. It's very strange because he, like, jumps up at the air so they're sort of falling at the same time and it seems like he's actually slowly Spike’s momentum down or trying to.

S: Yeah, like this entire production is really weird because, like, they're down below and then Hound transforms, drives, like, off and around- off a cliff- to catch-

O: To catch him.

S: Spike.

O: Yeah.

S: And that, that seems like such a goddamn production just to try and catch this kid.

O: I mean-

S: Well, they don’t want him to die.

O: Well, like. I-I feel like since the last episode, obviously, Ratchet has given them a good talking-to on, “Hey! Humans can't survive long falls or something.”

S: “They're squishy. The terminal velocity will splatter their internal organs, even if the exterior does not splatter. Don't let them drop.”

O: [Laughter]

S: “You answer to me,”

O: They would.

S: Yeah. then Bluestreak calls Laserbeak a turkey.

O: Shut up, Bluestreak.

S: He might have called. I don't forget- if it was just a turkey or something else attached to turkey.

O: I don't care, it involved a turkey and I was like shut up Bluestreak.

S: And then Spike leads the others over to the crevice that swallowed Bumblebee because you gotta get the Bee?

O: Uh, yeah, then Hound pulls out a scanner that he holds in front of his crotch and swipes it from side to side.

S: It looks really awkward. It looks so bad, where did he even pull it from?

O: Who knows?  But Hound does eventually pick up Bumblebee’s signal with his penis- I mean his scanner.

S: And then Windcharger uses his magic arms to pull Bee out of the crevice with his..laser magnetic tractor beam.

O: Well, it may get Bumblebee back and I love that Bumblebee says that he's out of gas so he just climbs that Hounds’ back seat for a ride back to base.

S: This is not the only time we see giant robots riding in or on other giant robots.

O: He’s just so good natured about it, I think, is what cracks me up?

S: Um-hmm. The Decepticons load up Skywarp with Energon and send Sparkplug to Cybertron with him. Finally!

O: Finally they’re getting some Energon.

S: Yeah.

O: Dr. Evil's pissed that Megatron is sending away one of his slaves but Megatron informs him that Decepticons have duplicated at his tech and now can control his slaves, too.

S: Doc, Doc. You're evil and you didn't file a patent and also you're working with giant evil robots so do you really expect the giant evil robots to respect your creator’s rights here?

O: Yeah.

S: Did you seriously expect that? Did you expect them to have some sort of- I forget the word.

O: Copyright? Uh, patents?

S: I don't know, honor among thieves?

O: Ah! Yeah, no.

S: I don't know.

O: We are talking about Megatron.

S: Yeah.

O: Back with the Autobots, they send out the Dinobots to help with disaster relief as Earth continues to be affected by various natural disasters.

S: Grimlock makes his apathy about Earth's fate known and then Wheeljack asks him, “With you on it?” and Grimlock considers this for a moment is like, “Hadn’t thought of that.”

O: Don’t worry bud, you’ll get to the right conclusion eventually.

S: You'll learn some enlightened self-interest, Grims. Grimsey, you will in time. And the Decepticons are also having some issues with these various natural disasters. They, uh, they set off as their, uh, base is damaged with- from rock slides and tsunamis.

O: Naturally, Starscream comments on this with his normal level of charm.

S: That is loudly and with lots of screeching.

O: Yes!

S: Spike continues to deal with his dad's absence. He's not a happy camper. He really isn't. When another earthquake rocks the Ark, this time due to Mount St. Hillary exhibiting volcanic activity.

O: All the Autobots evacuate the Ark and we get some excellent visual shitposting as-

S: Ah, well, not all the Autobots. Not quite all the Autobots..  

O: Ah, sorry. The Autobots are evacuating the Ark and then we get some excellent visual shitposting as-

S: Once outside, Ironhide turns toward. He turns toward the volcano and then transforms and wordlessly points with an open mouth.

O: And then, not a second later, the volcano erupts and Ratchet, Huffer, and Windcharger come blasting out the top of the volcano.

S: This totally is not Ratchet’s idea of a party but maybe Huffer’s having a good time?

O: It's Huffer. You know he isn't.

S: And then they're saved by Skyfire.

O: Hi buddy! So, Optimus, after all this happened says that they need to turn off the volcano.

S: That's really not how volcanoes work but okay, buddy.

O: Ironhide goes inside the volcano and blasts a bunch of rocks to plug it up.

S: And he says, “When you're good, you're good.” Or something to that effect.

O: It’s something to that effect and that should not work. But aargh!

S:  But they should- they could really use Beachcomber here cuz he's- he's, you know, he's a he's a geologist.

O: And maybe get a professional next time. Anyway, this works for no reason.

S: [sigh] …Why? And then we see the Dinobots doing various things that are supposedly helping with the natural disasters but I don’t know.

O: At least that's what the cartoon wants us to think.

S: They're doing something- they're doing some blockades and some, um, canals.

O: To help with the tsunami.

S: I guess it's like the thing where Ironhide was, like, shooting, like-

O: Oh god.

S: Canals? Or whatever?

O: Ugh.

S: During, I think, the first three parter?

O: Something like that.

S: In the Ark - which is apparently, totally, just fine now - Optimus is talking about Spike. With Spike just standing right there. Like, that's awkward.

O: You gotta get better at keeping track of your little dudes near your feet, man.

S: And Spike is informed that Sparkplug has been taken to Cybertron. How did the Autobots know this? I don't remember.

O: I don't remember, I don't know if they got a call or if Optimus is just telling this to Skyfire, or what.

S: Or maybe Optimus Prime's magic pecs picked it up.

O: [Laughter] Of course! Regardless- Wheeljack, Bumblebee, and Skyfire all volunteer to go with Spike to Cybertron to rescue his dad.

S: Aaaah Skyfire is so freaking nice.

O: Get that ‘bot a hug.

S: And this is Spike’s first time on Cybertron!!! Except that Chip and Sparkplug totally got to go there before him-

O: [Laughter]

S: Soooo all the fun uniqueness is maybe taken away.

O: Skyfire is apparently excellent at flying as he's dodging the hell out of everything that the Decepticons are throwing at them right now.

S: And then Brawn is apparently here, too. I mean, I guess we need- I guess we need pugnacious short dude that can punch through things, but all right.

O: And clearly Skyfire hates him as much as I do because Skyfire trips Brawn when he's exiting Skyfire’s cargo bay.

S: By transforming. Skyfire was apparently just in a super big ass hurry. And Spike does not have any situational awareness whatsoever because he just totally bumbles right into a laser beam, triggering a trap that he then falls into and Bumblebee and Brawn proceed to jump in after him.

O: Mostly because they're small but good job, Spike. You split up the party, you should never split up the damn party!

S: Yeaaaaah.

O: Naturally, they escape through a nearby ventilation shaft until they fall through that, too.

S: I think the, say, Decepticons use the Cybertronian equivalent of tin foil, or something, for this?

O: Yeah, it like, it just falls to pieces. They fall through it.

S: Yeah, whatever contractor got hired for this? Whoever hired them sho- should really try and get, you know, compensation.

O: Pretty much.

S: Yeah.

O: Our three idiots land right in front of the helpfully labeled hypno chip control computer

S: It's so convenient and Brawn proceeds to call Wheeljack on his handy-dandy cellphone to explain the whole mind-control chip thing to him.

O: And the--everybody hides because they hear somebody coming, but Spike lures his dad nearby by leaving out Sparkplugs’ favorite wrench.

S: I don't think we ever see him bring the wrench but, apparently, he just-

O: Apparently, he brought it. [Laughter]

S: Yeah and then Sparkplug sees Spike and alerts the Decepticons because Spike’s just like, “I love you, dad, I can't hide from you!” and the episode cuts us Spike yells, “Nooooooo!!!”  And there are tears glimmering in his eyes.

O: Of course, it's very anime. Join us next time for the “thrilling?” conclusion to our three parter The Ultimate Doom part 3.

S: And that's thrilling with a question mark behind it, because...how thrilling is this stuff, really?

O: [Laughter] You decide.

S: I don’t think it’s very thrilling.

O: Alright, Specs, what's our fanfic for today?

S: Alright, so our recommendations for today are- our fanfiction recommendations for today, there's only two of them so I'm trying to keep this minimal, are “Tanked” by Cyberwulf which is in the G1 cartoon continuity. It's rated T because Optimus Prime accidentally gets drunk.

O: [Laughter]

S: And it's rated Gen, more or less, uhhhh, it mentions Optimus/Elita-1 which, uuuuuuhhhh, has some, uh. Basically involves Optimus sort of musing on his relationship with her and being like, “I didn't know she was my sister, I didn’t know!!!”

O: Oh, dear god!

S: “For like four million years, our creator was a jerk!”

O: Oh god, that’s so wrong!

S: It is! It is! Sorry, um. So, yeah, I guess that's a thing. I guess that's a note for you, alright. Uh, our characters here are Optimus Prime, Sparkplug Witwicky, Spike Witwicky, and Ironhide. And, in summary, “Prime needs help only, Sparkplug can give it.” And I basically just wanted something Sparkplug-centric for this and it's a one shot and basically both of these are actually Sparkplug-centric.

S: Alright, our second one is The Human Element by Im_The_Doctor and then Bofur1 [Im_The_Doctor (Bofu1)] in, uh...

O: Parentheses.

S: Parentheses, thank you. It's G1 cartoon continuity, it's rated G, it’s Gen- there aren't any pairings, and our characters here are: Ratchet, Wheeljack, Sparkplug, Jazz, Bumblebee, Brawn, Gears, Huffer, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Bluestreak, Prowl, Hoist, and Blaster, more or less in order of-

O: Of importance? Or appearance?

S: Probably appearance, yeah. In summary, “ “…and stay out! I don’t want to see another human for the rest of this tricursed orn!” Ratchet is being even more uptight than usual, especially about humans, so a few of his friends decide to intercede in the ways that they know best.” And, okay, I said it was something Sparkplug-centric, it's also kind of Ratchet-centric, too, because they're trying to convince Ratchet that humans are okay.

O: [Chuckle]

S: And it's, um, technically I think it might be part of a series cuz this particular author has actually a really, really long series that seems to focus on the minibots that I've been meaning to read but I haven't yet.

O: Gotcha.

S: But this was--it was fun and entertaining and Ratchet’s like, “You need to convince me-”

O: [Laughter] This convincing had better involve booze.

S: Kind of. It's a party.

O: It’s Ratchet, I'm not surprised.

S: Yeah, so those are our two of fanfiction recommendations, thank you.

S: Alright and that just about wraps it up for us today remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at Aftersparkpod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, Archive Of Our Own, itunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few. Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I’m Owls!

S: Toodles!

[Outro Music]

#g1 episode 12 #transcript #afterspark podcast

[fleur-de-leap]

TFA Team Cast Reunited

#text post #original post #long post #team cast #cityscape #sparkside #typecast #optimus prime #tfa cityscape #tfa sparkside #tfa typecast #tfa optimus prime #tfa #transformers #transformers oc #ocs #my ocs

[shirtlesssammy]

14x06: Optimism

Then:

The Then Bot automatically triggers this gif when we haven’t seen Cas in a while. I don’t make the rules. (But the opener was excellent this week!)

Now:

We open to not one, but two! people wearing tan coats this episode. Maybe Sears was having a tan coat fire sale when wardrobe was scouting for outfits? I don’t know how else to explain this situation.

One person is Harper, the local library worker. She makes plans to see Winston later that night, but Miles sneaks up with his handy red stapler to defend her honor or something.

Harper then throws libraries under the bus.

My reaction as a librarian working at a busy public library:

Winston, ebullient that his date is confirmed, heads out and struts down the sidewalk with the Bee Gee’s setting his stride. 

LOL. What the hell, show? Poor Winston doesn’t get to finish the song in his head OR go on that date with Harper because he’s yanked into the bushes, leaving nothing but the black goo canon splatter as evidence.

Meanwhile at the bunker, we learn that Jack doesn’t like food as much now that he’s lost his grace (not so much like your father after all…) and that Sam went to meet up with Charlie for an exciting case.

Jack reiterates to Dean that no one blames Dean for Michael, but Dean counters that he blames himself and that’s all that really matters in Dean’s mind. Jack then suggests they go on a hunt. Winston Mathers is dead and he had human bite marks on him. Dean suggests that he’ll go alone, but Jack reminds him of the buddy system. Jack needs to do something to take his mind off the guilt he has for not taking out Michael when he had the chance. (Good lord, he is a Winchester.)

Sam and Charlie continue their stakeout at a bus stop. Charlie brought along books. Sam is her new best friend.

Dean and Jack pull up to Dicks Red Rooster Diner (where’s the possessive apostrophe??) and try to interview the LEAST FRIENDLY diner worker in the world. (Natasha: You might say she’s a real...dick.) Winston is dead. That’s all she knows. And that they should look in to Harper Sayles.

*Classic Jack Moment Alert*

Jack: What’s courting?

Dean: It’s what you do before you start dating.  

Jack: Ah, and that’s the thing you do before the sex.

Our little nephilim is growing up so fast! The diner worker adds, “Sometimes you just have the sex.” Dean literally moves a decorative rooster away and tries to get the conversation back on track. OH DEAN.

They interview locals to get a better picture of Harper: Sweet, lonely, prom queen, boyfriend who ditched her, men disappear on her, loves romance novels.

At the stakeout Sam is busy worrying about Dean when Charlie reassures him that Dean’ll be fine. He then tells her about how Dean used to have a wingman in our Charlie (uh, DEAN LITERALLY HAS A WINGMAN RIGHT NOW.) But this scene is sobering to realize that this Charlie is not our Charlie. She tells the story of meeting the love of her life, Kara (she owned a bakery outside of Chicago and smelled like peaches and had a smile that made Charlie’s face light up in such a way that made me ache and cry for someone I’ll never even see on this show. guh.) She then tells what happened when Michael and Lucifer started their war. Their world fell apart and Kara died. Sam says, “Not here.” Charlie responds, “Not yet.” Hahaha, that world didn’t have Sam Fucking Winchester and his brother.

At the diner, Dean eats pie and Jack asks about the birds and the bees. Dean’s gonna give Jack “the talk”. First, they need to investigate Harper.

At the library, Dean starts interrogating Harper when Jack interrupts. Dean tells the kid to back off and Jack tells the old man to back off. Dean’s FACE. He does not like to be called old. He takes off. The music swells, and Harper, impressed with Jack coming to her rescue, thanks him and stares and stares.

Harper and Jack take off for her apartment. Miles shows up again, but is rebuffed again. He heads to the alley and while Dean starts to follow Jack and Harper, he hears Miles scream and takes a detour. Miles is dead on the ground.

At the stakeout, Charlie tells Sam that this is her last case. She hates hunting and just wants to live on a mountaintop with good wifi. So much to unpack with that little conversation.

At Harper’s apartment, she goes to find a book for Jack while Jack lays the usual hunter traps --silver, holy water, coughing ‘Christo’. OH JACK.

Charlie thinks they’re dealing with a Musca --a human/fly hybrid.

Jack asks Harper about her boyfriend, Vance. He wanted to leave town, but Harper wanted to stay. He left, and Harper’s bad luck started. Jack and Harper keep staring and bonding while soft music fills the scene. This is so not romantic, folks.

*Classic Jack Moment Alert II*

Harper: Jack, do you believe in love at first sight?

Jack: Do you...mind if I use the bathroom?

Once in the bathroom, Jack calls Dean to tell him that she’s not a monster and that he’s 99% sure that she’s in love with him. Dean disagrees. All the same, Jack needs to know everything about sex. Go. While on the phone, Dean is attacked!

Jack heads back into Harper’s living room. She invites him out for coffee (ooo, like a date?) when Dean busts in. “Hey, I work with Jack. We’re here to save lives. Maybe yours.” And then the pounding begins in earnest on the door. Something growls fiercely in the hallway, slamming against the front door. Dean spots a photo of Harper’s ex boyfriend on the counter. It turns out that Vance - the one who moved away - has returned as a zombie.

Jack smuggles Harper out while Dean tangles with “Archie” the crazed red-headed undead in a letterman’s jacket.

The fight goes swimmingly (very poorly), but Jack and Harper escape.

Meanwhile, Sam and Charlie continue their stakeout. Sam tries to convince Charlie to stick around but she tells him sharply that, “It’s my life, Sam. Not hers, and not yours.” This is such a wonderful, valid point. I’m so glad to see Charlie sticking up for herself and validating her unique existence.

They don’t have much time to lock horns on the issue, though, because the strange Doctor Who villain has returned to sit creepily next to other bus stop denizens.

A bus rolls up and when it pulls away they just manage to catch a glimpse of the guy from the bus stop getting dragged away down an alley. They give chase.

Back with Dean, Vance gives up mid-fight and races outside to pursue Harper. Jack and Harper hide in the library, lock the door, and turn out the light. Nobody will ever think to look for her there…

Sam and Charlie zero in on a slimy door and brainstorm options. They don’t have a brass nail dipped in sugar water - the traditional instrument of destruction - so they’ll have to improvise. They bust inside and find a warehouse full of stinking meat and the cloying scent of pine fresh. Flies fill the air in a terrible symphony.

They find a pile of bodies and the monster’s briefcase. The briefcase is full of a chloroformed handkerchief and a megaton of pinefresh air fresheners. They find the victim - who’s still alive. Unfortunately for them, so is the fly monster. It attacks first Charlie, then Sam, and totally bugs out on them.

For Costuming Science

They work together to kill the fly, shooting it in the head. It’s...juicy. But dead! Good work, guys.

Back in the library, Harper and Jack watch the doors of the library warily as they hunker behind the circulation desk. Harper sneaks up to lock the front door, when Vance arrives at the door. They stare at each other and then Harper opens the door and lets in her ex boyfriend. He hands her a book and Harper swoons and goes in for the kiss. “He’s my boyfriend,” Harper announces. “He just gets a little jealous sometimes.”

“But he’s dead. And stalking you.” Poor Jack does NOT compute. Undead, ultra-possessive Vance has to eat flesh to maintain his body, and has eaten a succession of Harper’s suitors. She’s cool with it, though. It’s just like a sex game, right? RIGHT?

Vance stalks Jack through the library while Harper waits primly at the circulation desk. “I come from a long line of necromancers,” Harper confesses over the intercom. She killed Vance to keep him in town after college, and then killed every unsuitable suitor after that.

Dean sneaks up on Jack in the library and they share a whispered plan of attack. Just a short while later, Jack approaches Harper and gives her a romantic monologue about why she should choose him instead of Vance. He’s alive, for one thing. They can settle down in town and also, did he mention, he’s alive? 

Vance doesn’t take kindly to this and attacks, but Dean pens him in and shoots him. Harper watches the violence while Dean tries to bargain with crazy, undead Vance. “This isn’t love, not anymore...You have to eat people to stay together? Is that romantic, huh?” Nice try, Dean. Harper orders Vance to kill Dean but it’s too late. Jack and Dean grab hold of Vance’s arms and cuff him to the security checkpoint. Harper escapes out of the front door.

Charlie and Sam drive home after their hunt. The recent Musca abductee survived and the fly guy is dead. Sam preaches a sermon to Charlie about how the Musca striking out on his own and leaving his family led to his demise. Charlie scoffs at Sam’s metaphor. “I wasn’t looking for love. I found it, and I lost it. And I didn’t kill people and nest in their body parts.” Accurate!

This discussion is intercut with scenes of the Musca collecting their fallen dead, loading him onto a stretcher to presumably bring him home. It’s beautiful, and a little surreal - a token of a community’s love even when one of their members has gone so terribly astray.

Sam gives up the metaphor, because he’s a smart guy. “Don’t leave,” he says simply. Sam insists that hunters do good in the world, and that goodness can spread just as much as the bad. “That’s worth it, even with all the tears and death.” This is such a wholesome, healthy thing for Sam to say.

“Just to be super clear, I am not like the fly monster,” Charlie tells Sam. But she’ll think about staying. (Staaaaay, Charlie, staaaaay!)

I love this very relevant quote of the day from Jason Fischer’s Twitter account from Thursday: 

At the cock a doodle dick diner, Harper sits and pens a juvenile note to Jack. “I am not crazy,” she insists in her love letter. LOL. She’s finally been convinced to leave town so she can track down Jack, kill him, resurrect him with her dark magic, and date him forever. How...sweet. 

She addresses the letter to Jack Smith, care of the Lebanon post office. Several have speculated that she’s going to show up as a driving presence in episode 300, which I am HERE for, sirs.

At the bunker, Jack and Dean share a post-hunt drink. Vance is dead, staked in his grave. Love can be crazier than Harper’s wacky approach, Dean tells Jack. Jack absorbs this, and insists that he’s ready to hunt now. “You’re gonna make mistakes,” Dean tells Jack (and HIMSELF, RIGHT?) “It’s how you handle yourself once you’ve made those mistakes.” Jack hammers down the point that Dean’s doing his best, too.

Dean accedes, and starts talking plans for getting Jack out on more hunts. Suddenly, Jack succumbs to his cough. He buckles over, blood dripping from his nose and out of his mouth. He passes out on the kitchen floor. OH NOES

True Quotes Last Forever:

He’s just overreacting because nothing ever happens here.

We can be hunting buddies!

His obituary said he loved having breakfast here in the morning which is sort of oddly specific.

Pie’s important.

People are always the same when things go wrong: they lose it. One day the water’s shut off; the next day people are on fire.

I have read all the books.

When the goo fits…

Our perp might just be a giant fly with low self esteem.

I need to know everything about sex. Go.

At first I thought it was a ghost, then he punched me in the face.

You don’t want to tackle some regular guy just because he’s into some weird fashion.

So, we got creative. Cool.

Some people pretend to be naughty nurses. Some people get tied up.

Every relationship has its stuff.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn spoilers #spn recap #spn 14x06 #optimism #dean winchester #sam winchester #jack kline #charlie bradbury #supernatural season 14

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

The Predator

Ahh, the predator. The most heartless antagonist of the Cold War era, the sport hunter of the galaxy, the monster that keeps Arnold Schwarzenegger up at night. This fuckin’ guy. 

In Shane Black’s new sequel, The Predator, our favorite ugly motherfucker has come to Earth in a rogue spaceship because he’s trying to hide something from a SuperPredator (I know, but stick with me, the story gets even better). A military assassin (Boyd Holbrook) witnesses the crash landing and the brutal murder of all his men who were in the Predator’s way, so he does what anyone would do. He steals some of the Predator’s stuff and ships it to his autistic son and ex-wife (Jacob Tremblay and Yvonne Strahovski). Then he gets questioned by the military as the sole survivor of this mess and placed on the Loony Bus with a bunch of other servicemen who have gone off the deep end for one reason or another. Meanwhile, the Predator has also been picked up by a secretive shadow organization run by National Treasure Sterling K. Brown in the government and they bring in evolutionary biologist Casey Bracket (Olivia Munn) to study it. The group of rag-tag misfits [Ed. note: I fucking LOVE a group of rag-tag misfits] manage to break free when they spy that the Predator has ALSO broken free and then it becomes a chase movie where the guys are chasing the Predator and Casey is chasing the Predator and the SuperPredator is chasing the Predator and this guy really can’t catch a break. This is all in the first third of the movie or so. Is this whole thing honestly as dumb as it seems on the surface? Well...

Yeah. But listen - there are Predator dogs. Like creatures that are half-Predator, half-dog hybrids. So there’s your price of admission made well worth it, my friend.

Some thoughts:

I’m literally shocked this movie doesn’t take place at Christmas. I want to see a predator fuck up an entire christmas tree lot, shoot some lasers through a plastic Santa and eight tiny reindeer. Shane Black, I thought I could count on you!

That pit bull is the best boy and he looks so much like my dog and I was VERY CONCERNED for him, but it’s ok you guys, the dog is ok, I repeat, the dog is ok. Now, the Predator Dogs...

Speaking of, what happened to Predator Dog #2? He was also such a good boy who just loved fetch! He shows up at the end of the final fight and...what happened to him? 

That’s probably the biggest complaint about this movie - the sense of haphazardness. Things happen because the script demands it, not because there’s any real organic growth or cause and effect happening. Oh, they have motorcycles now! What did they do with the motorcycles? No one knows. Wait, so having Asperger’s means you can figure out an alien operating system in less than an hour? Sure! Is Yvonne Strahovski ok? Eh, probably. Do forcefields/cloaking technology really give you about a 2-foot gap between the ship and the shield? Now they do! NTSKB wants to study the Predators, right? No he wants to kill the Predators! No he wants to..sell their stuff? Every character’s motivation seems to be based on the flip of a coin. Don’t get me wrong, the whole thing is entertaining, but it feels like a bunch of dudes amped up on Monster were crammed in a dorm room and just feeding ideas into a screenplay bot to come up with some of this stuff.

The callbacks are in your face, but also I feel like Shane Black can pull that off simply because he was THERE for the first one, and it’s almost like he gets to grandfather in some of the jokes. And I admit, “Get to the choppers!” had me dying.

I honest to god thought that Trevante Rhodes (probably the most interesting and delightful of the Military Misfits) was 50 Cent until the credits rolled. BUT I also thought that one guy (Augusto Aguilera) was the guy from Upgrade so I think they’re just casting a bunch of doppelgängers and it’s not just me.

Where did Olivia Munn’s character learn how to handle guns like that? She’s a biologist ffs. 

I’m 100% sure none of that is how spaceship shields work.

This all makes it sound like I didn’t enjoy the movie but the things is, it’s so relentless and so full of momentum that in the moment you don’t really question what’s going on, you just go with it with a big dumb grin on your face. It’s sloppy, the editing is terrible, the plot makes little to no sense - but goddammit I was entertained. If you want some mindless (and I do mean mindless) escapism, you could do worse is all I’m saying.

#118in2018 #the predator #the predator review #shane black #boyd holbrook #jacob tremblay #yvonne strahovski #olivia munn #sterling k brown #trevante rhodes #augusto aguilera #movie reviews #film reviews