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aestheticsfandomsandmore · 1 year

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I noticed many people are feeling pretty angry at the writers right now, for how they handled PatPran’s conflict. First of all, for introducing us to Pat’s fear (I don’t want to admit to myself that I can’t live without him) without every really foreshadowing it; second of all, for having Pran say that he’s insecure, that he doesn’t feel enough, that he believes Pat puts more effort in their relationship than he does (and well, all of this was already pretty obvious from other scenes in both Bad Buddy and this crossover), but then having him do nothing about it and wait for Pat to be the first to say, ‘I can’t live without you’.

I will try to explain these scenes and the reasons behind them, but I do want to clarify something first: unlike the 12 Bad Buddy episodes, these ones were rushed, and not as well written. I’m not as disappointed as other people and I don’t think they ruined the show and/or the couple with these specials, but I do wish they’d done a better job conveying these messages.

Pat loves playing the hero, even Pran tells him (in episode 11) that it’s one of the reasons why he likes him.

We’re used to Pat being vocal about his love for Pran, and that’s what put so many people off—why would he feel insecure about saying those words out loud, when he’s always been sincere and has never had issues expressing his own feelings? And you’re right, of course, that’s one of the many differences between Pat and Pran’s personalities, as established in the show.

But! Pat telling Pran how much he loves him, Pat being there for him, Pat always taking Pran’s feelings into consideration and putting them first, Pat protecting Pran, Pat being ready to lose in case his win might put Pran in a tough situation, Pat yelling his adoration for Pran on the stairs of the Architecture faculty... all of this is a way for Pat to be Pran’s hero, to be the strong one, the one who’s willing to yield because he knows that’ll please his boyfriend, the one who’s straightforward and who never hides the way he feels.

And yes, we did get some quotes from Pat in ep 11 about how much he likes that Pran always fights alongside him and never leaves him alone, but that speaks a lot about partnership, doesn’t it? We fight together, we go through stuff together and nobody can stop us as long as we’re together.

But then Pran starts having doubts, shows his insecurities; he knows that Pat always being there for him is fine and all, but let’s not forget that Pran isn’t used to this. Yes, they’ve been together for three years, and they faced a lot together, helping each other out all the time, and that’s why now Pran feels like he can let his guard down next to Pat. When Pran says, in episode 1 of OS, ‘No matter what problem I face, you’re always there for me’, he means it, deeply, and he isn’t ashamed of it at all, or at least until he hears Pat and his friends making fun of it, making fun of how much he trusts Pat, to the point that he’d be willing to rely on him, something he’s obviously never done before. And while he knows those are not words Pat truly means, he can’t help but wonder: ‘Am I doing enough? Does Pat feel like I’m a burden to him? Doesn’t he believe I can get things done on my own anymore? Have I got too comfortable with thinking he’s always by my side that I’ve reached the point where I need him by my side?’

Because let’s not forget that Pat and Pran are individuals that got together by choice, and by choice only. Ever since they were kids, they chose to break their parents’ rules and become friends, they chose the hard way instead of the easy path. So they’re choosing to stay together, going through the trouble of hiding their relationship again, and maybe Pran starts wondering whether Pat still thinks it’s worth it (let’s not forget that Pat answers ‘I have no choice’ when Pran tells him he’s grateful for his presence, and while Pat just meant that they’re meant to be together, that he couldn’t not love Pran even if he wanted to, that might also come off as ‘It’s the way it is, I got used to it’).

And that’s why in ep2 of OS, when Pat reminds him that he wants to help him because he’s his boyfriend, not because Pran asked (not because he has to, or because Pran needs him to, but because he wants to, because his choice is to stay beside him) the mood immediately changes, to the point that Pran gets super comfortable with physical touch again and they’re even implied to be sexually active (which may not sound important, but we saw how brutally Pran pushed Pat away when he still wasn’t in the mood and was still hurt and Pat kissed him, so I think it’s actually very important).

Pran is still obviously insecure—and can you blame him, really? Pran has been in love with Pat throughout his entire life, he thought the mere chance of having any sort of relationship with him was nothing more than a dream, and instead got exactly what he wanted. But he never thought he deserved it, or that he was enough for it. He is clearly uncomfortable with how different their bodies are (despite Pat being horny for him all the time! Which kind of proves the point that until you’re the one who fully believes in something, it doesn’t matter if anyone else around you tries to convince you: you’re still gonna doubt), he knows he’s ‘a lot to handle’ (as Pat tells him himself in ep11, and please do not get me started on Pran’s face when he asks Pat why he likes him, as if he’s thinking ‘honestly, why on Earth would someone like you love someone like me?’), he asks Pat if he ‘were good’ after they made love for the first time, although I’m pretty sure Pat showed his pleasure pretty evidently while they were at it. There are still days in which he doesn’t believe his own eyes, think about that little moment in ep1 of OS when Pat agrees to give him the auditorium and his eyes shine and flicker with the same lovesick expression he had back when they weren’t even dating. We see Pran getting confident around Pat because he knows Pat likes him, because he’s somehow reassured that his boyfriend enjoys the way he is, which allows him to be more comfortable in his own skin (think about how smug he acts during more than half of episode 1 of OS). His confidence shutters when he hears Pat say those words and laughing with his friends about them; I think it’s perfectly normal that he got insecure after that, despite being fully aware that Pat did not mean what he said.

And then you have Pat, whose whole identity is shaped around the idea of being the perfect son, the coolest friend, the greatest rival in history, realizing that he doesn’t just want to be with Pran all the time, to take care of Pran and to be there for him, to cherish him and make him feel loved and desired. No, when he takes his time to think about Pran’s insecurities, he goes like ‘He’s the one who’s worrying over whether he needs me too much or not, when I’m literally nothing without him by my side?’

Pat can only be truly himself around Pran. Pat only shows his weaknesses to Pran. Pat is only clingy to Pran. Pat wants to help Pran because Pran’s his entire world. Sure, he likes to play the hero; he likes to be someone the people in his life can rely on, someone who can be anyone else’s rock; but all of that means nothing in the face of the idea of losing Pran.

And it’s terrifying to admit it! One thing is to say, ‘I love you so much, you’re the most important person in my life, our relationship means the world to me’, and something else entirely is to say, ‘I can’t live without you’. Our parents will eventually find out and they might try to get in our way again? That’d break me, break me completely, do you understand? I don’t know how to function without you. That’s what ‘I can’t live without you’ really means, we can’t live without air, we can’t live without food or water, and that’s how much Pran means to Pat (and how much Pat means to Pran), and it doesn’t matter how vocal about his feelings Pat has always been, and it doesn’t matter that they both already know (as Pat tells Pran!): to say it out loud is a different story.

Especially when you think about how important to Pat and Pran is that they’re equals in their relationship. Think about how much Pat was insecure in ep1 of OS when he realized Pran was so confident about the whole ‘play-competition’ thing, how sad he got when his presentation went down bad and Pran got the sponsorship. What gets him all happy again? The realization that he doesn’t need to be better than Pran at everything; the realization that they’ll always be there to help each other out, that what Pran did with him—helping him visualizing things as something different from what they were—was really the same thing he did when he helped Pran visualize a bus-stop that wasn’t even there yet. That’s why he goes from being so worked up about winning the competion to being once again willing to give the auditorium to Pran.

So why does Pran feel so bad at the idea of needing me, when I’m literally so sure that I do? That makes him feel uncomfortable, and doesn’t allow him to fully accept the idea that he needs Pran so much, when he he isn’t sure that Pran needs him all that much and when Pran seems so against the possibility of actually needing him (also, take into account how much Pat belives in Pran! He doesn’t doubt Pran will find a solution to him and Phupha being lost in the forest for one second! Sure, he’s worried about him, but he also knows Pran will always handle things one way or another, with or without his help).

I think the miscommunication is evident, because Pran’s issue wasn’t with needing Pat, but with the idea that Pat might be starting to feel like Pran was becoming a burden to him. That’s why they should have talked this out, because Pat ‘can’t read his mind’, as he very cleverly pointed out in ep6. But while PatPran do have an healthy communication going on, I don’t understand why people were so upset that Pran didn’t feel like spelling it out, when it’s really not the first time he does that? Pat and Pran just happen to always get each other in the end, often without any need for words to come out of their mouths.

I think the main difference this time was that Pat needed an answer. Pran already got an answer to his insecurities when Pat told him he couldn’t live without him, and Pran already knew how Pat felt because Tian snitched had already told him about his conversation with Pat. So, ‘Am i doing enough? Is Pat getting tired of me? Is the way i handle things, the fact that he’s the one who usually yields, something that’s tiring him?’, very obviously no. Pat’s not getting tired of him, Pat could never get tired of him (when you think about it, it’s also kind of the meaning of the ost that Ohm sings, and that’s supposed to be Pat’s answer to Pran’s song).

Pran doesn’t need any other answer, but Pat does. He doesn’t in ep11, when he so very genuinely gives that huge, emotional speech to Pran, to which Pran doesn’t reply a single word, and that’s perfectly okay because Pat doesn’t need an answer to that. But Pat does need an answer now, and you can see it from the way he’s so shy when he pronounces those last two words, from the way he looks at Pran craving for something, anything, that will make him feel like him needing Pran is okay, because Pran needs him too. So that’s what Pran tells him, nothing more, and nothing less—although, he does say a lot more, by literally resting his head on his shoulder, asking for physical support, and physically supporting him at the same time, because that’s who they are, that’s who they’ll always be. Pat telling Pran he can’t live without him makes Pran feel like it’s okay if he can’t live without him too, it’s not something he should be ashamed of or afraid of. It’s just the way they work. Yes, they chose to be together, and now they need to—and there is no shame in that.

And it may look like Pran’s not putting any effort into this, but he so clearly is. Pran’s crying, you guys! Even just saying those few words out loud isn’t easy for him, all considered. He’s always been the one having an harder time expressing what he feels, this is nothing new.

EDIT: I guess I should have written that his eyes were watery, not that he was crying, since there were no tears in sight. I’m sorry!

And things will kind of always stay this way, if you think about it. Think about how even in ep12, when they’have been dating for ages and are fully adults, Pat’s still the one who goes to Pran’s bedroom, never the other way around. And that’s not—don’t you dare say it—something that shows how much more Pat loves Pran than Pran loves him: it just shows that people can show their love to each other in different ways, and that’s okay.

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blackberries45 · 2 years

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Through The Mirror

Maybe part 1 of ??

Summary: You have been living in the New York Sanctum and awake to find Stephen Strange in your bed. However, it turns out a little too strange.

Word Count: ~5k

Warning: Swearing. Unprotected bang sesh. Deceptive.

Notes: first time writing a smutty sesh, also, horrific speller and grammar could all but be kissed goodbye. I was going one direction with this, but it ended up a very different way. Please let me know if you'd actually like a part two lol

They used to call you Mirror before the Snap because you could mimic anyone’s abilities presented in front of you to some degree. Never an exact copy, but close enough to do some damage that wasn’t expected. Nick Fury had come up with the name even though he didn’t know exactly where to place you in the superhero scheme of things, and after the Snap, you got lost through the cracks just like so many other superheroes and the like. Now they just call you by your first or last name, depending on who was talking to you. You stared in the reflection you saw in the bathroom, remembering how you’d gotten into this situation and smiled.

It wasn’t your first pick to be living here. After almost five years of being alone and practically on the streets though, a silent mansion filled with bizarre crap seemed at least passable. You had filled the time alone with some bad habits and even worse personal worth. It was starting to get to you.

When Wong offered for you to live at the Sanctum, you were rather stunned. You had met him before but weren’t even acquaintances. It was by complete chance he had seen you again walking around New York. “I can’t pay you though, Wong. I don’t have a job.” You looked down as the words came out.

“Pay me by helping to protect the Sanctum and giving me company. It can be a lonely job. Especially now.” His face was serious but kind. You appreciated both.

“But I have no skills now. I haven’t practiced mirroring in years. I’m out of shape in every way possible.” Were you trying to get out of a free place to stay? What the heck was wrong with you??

“I will take you to Kamar-Taj. If you are serious about helping me, then you will indeed need skills to defend the Sanctum. You don’t need others’ powers to reflect. If you are dedicated, work hard, and truly want a better path, you can be trained.”

With that you had a new home and a new sense of purpose. During the week at the beginning, he would open a portal for you to go through to study and practice with the other students. That lasted a few months but then the people who had disappeared during the Snap suddenly reappeared. It didn’t seem right for you to take up a space anymore at Kamar-Taj, so you just studied what you had learned with Wong in your free time at the Sanctum instead.

When everyone reappeared, it had been a happy but confusing time. No one seemed to know where to fit in or how to go about life with people back they thought were gone forever. One person in particular though made his unhappiness known. He not only was not the Sorcerer Supreme, but to have someone living at the Sanctum who hadn’t been a student at Kamar-Taj originally really seemed to rub him the wrong way.

You could sympathize at first with Stephen Strange's confusion and displease, but dear God, enough already! It was far too easy to start picking at him and oh boy, would he serve it right back. Call it flirting, call it boredom. Whatever it was, it took up the time and made him annoyed with you yet not be able to do much without you.

***

“Wong is back at Kamra-Taj so what should we do today?” You knew this wasn’t really a question for you to answer. Stephen was always busy and always had a plan for his day. He was just thinking out loud and using it as an attempt at being polite since you had walked into the room.

“You could start a bonfire in the front room.” A grunt came from behind the book Stephen had his nose shoved in.

“You could conjure a giant swimming pool and we could go swimming.” A response of, “Sure” was all you needed to know that he now was truly not paying attention and you could say whatever you wanted.

“Maybe I should get naked and see how many times I can run up and down the stairs in ten minutes while you watch.” You were now leaning against the door frame of one of the many rooms storing old, dust books, arms crossed across your chest staring at him.

“We should work on your reflexes.” He started to set the book down. “You starlet too easily which means..”

*SNAP* He was standing right behind you and whispering in your ear as you jumped and screamed.

“...that you are terrible in a sneak attack.” He was grinning at the sight of you now holding your chest stupidly like it would slow your heart rate.

“You’re a dick!” Your face was flushed but not just from him scaring you. You wondered if he had moved so quickly because he was actually listening.

“I’m off!” he suddenly announced as he turned on his heels. “Try not to burn the place down or let any creeps in.”

You rolled your eyes and followed him as he started to descend down the staircase. You stopped at the top, watching as he changes mid step from his sweats and hoodie to street clothes in a blink of an eye.

He was almost to the door when without turning around he called back over his shoulder, “And do let me know how many times you make it up and down the stairs in ten minutes. I’m so fascinated to know.” With that, the door closed and you let out a high pitched noise of embarrassment and annoyance.

***

The shower had been nice, but there was only so much time you could waste in the water. You walked to the mirror, toweling your hair roughly when you saw Stephen in the reflection, standing in the hall.

“Can you stop being a shit now please!?” you snapped your head around, but he was already gone. Luckily you had wrapped a towel around you before getting out of the shower. Since no one around here really used a cellphone, you just were in the habit of keeping doors open so when Wong or Stephen came back and forth, they could hear where you were. This however was not funny. Why was he just staring at you? And he scared you half to death when you noticed him. You walked over and slammed the door shut.

After drying your hair and dressing, you walked down stairs, still annoyed. Headed for the kitchen, you heard Stephen and Wong talking.

“You scared me half to death!” You had stopped in the doorway and looked hard at Stephen.

“Uh, I was just joking?” Stephen turned towards Wong. “Someone is grumpy today.”

“You think it’s funny to scare me coming out of the shower? How long were you there anyway?” What the hell was wrong with this asshole today?

“Wait, what?” Stephen turned his whole body towards you now.

“Yeah, I don’t know what your problem is, but that was creepy as hell and I will be making sure to close the doors when no one is home.” You were now officially pissed. Could he not just say sorry?

“First off,” he leaned against the kitchen counter with his side, “we can figure out where you are without you leaving the doors open. We thought you did that to feel safer somehow, but be our guest and close them. Secondly, I have been down here with Wong for all of ten minutes. I haven’t been upstairs.” He looked miffed now.

“All you had to do was say sorry.” You rolled your eyes and decided lunch would be eaten outside the walls of the Sanctum today. You had enough spare change for a slice of pizza and that was exactly where you were headed.

***

It was a beautiful day. Your favorite pizza spot was just two blocks away, but you figured taking your time wouldn’t be a bad thing. You slowly walked past shops of all sorts. A beautiful flower shop caught your eye and you stood for several minutes admiring all of the different types of blooms and greenery. You couldn’t help but smile while smelling them and listening to the city whirl and chatter around you.

Lazily looking in shop windows, you finally found yourself at the pizza shop. The smell alone helped cure your hunger. They were super busy and the line wrapped outside. ‘More time to myself’ you grinned. You always had the same but today, you reached for a menu to read through while you waited. If the smell helped take some of the hunger away, the descriptions on the menu would no doubt bring the hunger pains back.

Just as you stretched out your hand to the menu stand, someone else’s hand grabbed for it as well. You looked up.

“Are you fucking joking!?” You were raging now. When would he learn to leave you alone?

Stephen apologized to the person standing in between you two and offered to let them go ahead of him in line so he could stand next to you instead.

“How did you even get here before me?” You were for the third time today, standing with your arms crossed across your chest. This was clearly your unhappy pose.

“You had left in such a hurry.” He looked at you with almost a blank expression.

“Because you were a dick, yet again, and couldn’t just say sorry for making me jump out of my skin!” You were a little louder than you meant to be and people started turning to look at you.

“I’ll make it up to you. I’ll buy you lunch and we can talk about it.” It wasn’t really a question, yet again. Sometimes you found that quirk of his amusing, but not so much this time. However, you accepted and as you finally got your food, you both decided to take a walk and eat while circling the block.

Stephen took a bite of his pizza. “I can see why he says such nice things about you.”

You looked at him sideways. “Who, Wong?” Taking eating your pizza slice while walking and trying to think wasn’t the most graceful thing for you. You spotted a bench and pointed to it.

“Um, yes. Wong,” he sat down next to you rather closely, “is always saying how gifted and beautiful you are.”

“Alright Doctor Freakazoid, I’ve had enough jokes for the day!” You started to get up but he pulled you by the arm back down.

“I’m just trying to say sorry. I don’t apologize often and it gets all jumbled. But, I'm sorry I scared you.”

You sighed and relaxed your shoulders. It stayed silent until you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Do you still love her?” ‘Wow. you just blasted that out didn’t you?’ you practically yelled at yourself.

Stephen swallowed his last bite and tossed the crust at a few pigeons that had gathered around.

“She is gone. I have love for her, but I’m not still in love with her. That would be holding onto a past that doesn’t hold on to me.” He slowly turned to look you in the eyes. “Why do you ask?”

‘Shit. Of course he would ask why, you moron. Go ahead and try to explain this one.’ “I don’t know” you mumbled like a dumb little kid trying to not get caught in a lie, “I just wondered.”

His smile started to curl into his cheeks. “There’s more than that or else you wouldn’t have asked.”

‘Fuck my life. Just say it!!’ “I don’t know. I guess it’s the way you look at me sometimes. You look at me in certain ways, and I’m not sure what you are thinking.” You had turned your head away from him as soon as you started talking but you waited and looked over at him just at the corner of your eye. He had raised an eyebrow and dropped half the smile. You couldn't tell if he was about to laugh at you or say something mean.

Suddenly without warning he stood up. “I have to go check on something. We can talk more later.” with that, he was gone.

***

When you finally made it back to the Sanctum, you were dazed and confused to say the least. You walked to the kitchen to get some water. Maybe that would clear your head.

“Oh, I thought you were Stephen.” Wong looked up from the table warmly at you.

“I just saw him. He said he had something to check on but I'm not sure what or where.” You shrugged and grabbed your water bottle to fill up. Once you were finished, you headed up the stairs to your room.

*SMACK*

“You should really watch where you are going!” You and Stephen had collided at the top of the stairs. Bug eyed, you stared at him.

“Come on”, he said with heavy annoyance, “you aren’t going to claim I scared you again, are you?”

“But, I thought you said you had to go check on something?” You gestured over your shoulder, referring in your mind to outside. Your mouth hung open a little while still looking at him like a deer in headlights.

“What are you talking about? I haven’t left here again yet. I’m obviously just about to go down the stairs.” he was now sounding pissy.

“But we just ate pizza and you said…” You jumped when he cut you off.

“I don’t know what has gotten into you today but maybe you should take a nap or a very long vacation from this place. Clearly you need some time away.” With that, he brushed past you and headed down the stairs. “Wong, I’m headed out! Keep an eye on things around here for an hour please. Clearly someone is having a hard day.” And out the door again, he was gone.

It took everything in you to turn slowly around and start heading for your room again.

***

You had your favorite pajamas on and your earbuds in with a lovely rain background loop playing. ‘What is happening today? Maybe he’s right and I just need a nap. Maybe I wasn’t reading him right earlier and he found me asking about Christine, offensive.’ You closed your eyes and it didn’t take long to drift off.

Hours could have passed, you hadn’t set an alarm. It had been a dreamless sleep until now. You started slightly swaying your body as if being tickled. You could hear yourself gently groan, as if annoyed by being woken. You started to dream of someone, you couldn’t see their face well, touching your bare thighs, just below your sleep shorts.

‘What are you doing?’ you asked in your dream. Not annoyed now, just gently asking.

“I’m sorry I left earlier.” You couldn’t make out the voice but you felt their hand go higher, now to your butt and starting to rub the cheek.

‘What do you mean?’ you asked, still thinking it was in your head.

The hand suddenly dug into your skin and instantly you yelped and sat forward in bed. You flung the earbuds out of both ears and were startled to see Stephen sitting on the side of your bed with your covers back.

“What the hell are you doing!?” You felt like your heart would explode. Quickly you pulled your legs up to your chest.

“I’m not trying to startle you yet again. It’s simply now night and I was worried you were sleeping too long. I called your name several times but I think your earbuds made it so you couldn’t hear me.” Indeed you noticed it was now dark and he had turned on the light next to your bed.

“Um, ok.” you didn’t know where this was going. Get the fuck out seemed too harsh but you may go now, seemed closer.

He must have seen it cross your face because he started in again. “I wasn’t trying to scare you. Look, I just wanted to..” He did a twiddle motion with his fingers. You hadn’t seen him do that before. “...talk.”

“Um, ok.” was all you could manage again.

“Or more.” he grinned that all encompassing grin again. ‘What the fuck?!’

The words finally caught up with you. “WHAT THE FUCK?” You shouted it.

“Kinda.” he turned to fully face you on the bed. Was this forwardness hot? Or was it fucked up? Your mind was racing back and forth, not to mention up and down.

“Wait!” you raised a hand even though he hadn’t moved. “I don’t understand how we got here or what is happening.” You kept blinking rapidly, trying to either focus or wake from whatever dream you were having.

“You said it yourself.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I look at you in certain ways. I’m done hiding it. I told you how I feel about Christine now and I saw the relief in your face. You can’t hide that anymore either.”

A rush of red flooded your face. You had simply asked a childish question. You guessed you might as well have just blurted out, ‘Hey, I have a big stinking crush on you, even though we are way past grown-ass adults’ Before you could speak, he started again.

“You’re thinking too much. I can see it across your face.” His eyebrow was raised in a way that made your stomach flutter but your brain go, ‘I’m in danger’ and honestly, it was turning you on in some sick way.

You had never heard Stephen even mention being casual with anyone before. Hell, you’d never seen him bring anyone home before. Not that he’s had long too. As the thoughts swirled, he inched closer.

“I’m really bad at this.” You blurted it out and it made him pause.

“At what?” There was the eyebrow again. This time in the form of a question, not a suggestion.

“Um, all of this.” You waved a circle in front of you to show the bed.

His head went back and he gave a hearty laugh. “Ok first rule,” your eyes widened. No one had been this forward with you before, “we are grown and can say the word se…,” Without noticing your eyes winced. God, you felt embarrassed already. He was soon going to realize what a mistake he was making. “Oh ok. We are that type of shy.” the giant smile was back across his face.

“You know, I didn’t peg you like this but”, he moved further up the bed, “it makes it that much more fun.” He was inches from your face now. You still had a hold of your legs like a damn security blanket.

“Stephen, I'm serious. I don’t know what Wong might have told you, like, yeah, I made some sleazy choice during the Snap but that was usually under the influence of something. I’m extremely self-conscious and probably wouldn’t have…” He cut you off again but at almost a whisper.

“I get it. And that is why, rule number one, is you will wear this blindfold.” He pulled out of thin air a deep red silk blindfold. It looked like a ruby in the table lamp light. You slowly reached out to grab it and he started again.

“Rule number two, you try your hardest not to make much noise. And rule number three, you have to fucking relax.” with that you let out a giggle.

“Ok..” but before you could get out anything else, he kissed you. Very calm and sweet at first. Your mind started racing again. ‘Oh shit, I'm not good with tongue, what if he wants more? How am I going to do this? He’lll never want this again.’

He gently pulled away and quietly said, “relax”, again while pulling your knees down. He reached a hand up to your cheek and kissed you again. Soft at first, and then more demanding. Yep, he did want more and you tried to just breathe and follow his lead. He didn’t make you gag, but just ever so slightly parted your lips, tracing the bottom of your upper lip with his tongue.

He moved away from your mouth and sat back. Taking the blindfold back in his hands, he stretched the back band so it would fit over your head.

“Are you on birth control?” The question startled you. You scrambled for the correct answer without ruining the mood by an explanation.

“Yes.” ‘Liar’ your brain shouted at you.

“Good. Ready?” he asked with that damn eyebrow raised.

“Yes.” you whispered out, and closed your eyes as he placed the mask over you.

You could feel him shift off of the bed for a moment. When he returned and you felt the weight of the dip again, you gulped hard. The eye mask was such a simple thing, yet it made all of your other senses so much stronger. You could feel the movement of air he created from his movement across your skin. You could hear the rain sounds quietly coming from your earbuds still lying on the floor. And you could tell when he was just inches from your face. He gently touched your check and suddenly you realized you were naked. You inhaled sharply and went to put your arms over your bare chest when he grabbed them and leaned to your ear again.

“You have to relax.” His words tickled your ear and it was all you could do to not giggle out of the tickle and the awkwardness you felt.

Suddenly you were pulled down the bed. God you had never felt this over exposed. He was over the top of you and started planting tiny kisses along your neck. You took a deep breath, but as you started to exhale, your breath turned into a tiny moan as he gently sucked where he had given your neck the latest kiss. You could feel him smile along your skin as he moved the alternative kissing and slightly sucking down. As he grazed your right nipple you started to cry out, but held you down and calmly whispered, “you must be quiet”, against your chest. You bit your bottom lip and nodded your head. He silently went to your left nipple and this time you just let out another soft moan until all fell still.

‘Where did he go?’ you were trying to use all of your senses to tell, but just as you started to think he had left, your legs suddenly were grabbed and it took you covering your mouth with your hands to not scream from the surprise.

“I haven’t really done that before,” you said in a horse whisper.

“Then you’ll have to really make sure you are quiet, because this will make you want to scream.” The way he said it sounded like he was smiling but his tone sounded..different. It sounded in control, which you thought you wanted, but it almost had a tone that scared you. It sounded as though this wasn’t about you really after all. ‘Relax! It’ll be fine. Just breathe.’ You tried reassuring yourself. Preparing, you put your hands over your mouth to try and physically hold back any sound that may try to escape. You could hear another low laugh from Stephen.

His strong arms grabbed both of your thighs and without warning, he just started in. It was a weird sensation. At first you liked it. Or did you? He immediately started licking your clit, but had done nothing before. ‘This isn’t like anything I've read’ you thought to yourself. The licks were harsh and aggressive. You felt over-stimulated and exposed. You hoped it would get better but after what felt like forever, you finally had enough.

“Can you just be in me instead?” You felt silly and stupid. Stehphen Strange was willing to have his face just all up in your business, but you were going to deny what was supposed to be a magical moment of an oragsm focused solely on you? You felt ashamed but heard him laugh yet again.

“Of course. Couldn't handle it?” he sounded smug and sure of himself.

‘No, but probably not for the same reasons you are thinking’ you thought. “It’s just, I think I'm ready now.”

Without much warning, he slipped two of his fingers into you, curling the tips up right at the perfect spot. A moan left your lips again. If he could have done that while down there, that would have been different. The reaction seemed to make him pleased. He kept pumping his fingers into you for a moment. When he stopped there was another pause. You jumped a little when you noticed he was touching your eye mask.

“Just making sure it’s still in place.” You could feel him starting to position himself over you. You mentally prepared again, expected there would be little warning. Feeling him aline himself with your opening, you noticed he was already covered in pre cum from how he then rubbed the top of his dick all over the sides of your opening and across your clit. ‘This is the weirdest experience of my life’ You had to try with all of your might to stifle the laugh that was starting to brew in your throat. The concentration however didn’t last long because as you thought, with no warning, he suddenly shoved himself fully into you.

It hurt at first. He felt large and you were barely wet enough for it to go in without feeling like sandpaper. However, he seemed to better at this than anything else because it started to feel… good. Like, really good. He didn’t start off soft and slow but the pace he was going was about where you would have wanted him to end up any way. The size of him and the painfully yet wonderfully full stretch you felt with every thrust had you starting to arch your back. He didn’t touch you much, so you started touching where you needed. First you squeezed your own nipples and then lightly tugged them. Then you restarted working one hand down your stomach, thinking he might just slap it away, but it reached the poor abused clit where you had needed it most.

With your head starting to tilt to the side, and your back arching further off the bed, you could feel the first waves finally starting to swell in your stomach. As you tried to keep the pace with his hips, you cried out as your climax finally broke free. He kept going for a moment and then slowed, giving you just a moment to pant while you rode it out. ‘Alright, that was… something. Let’s be done now please’

“Ready for round two?” If you heard the smile in his voice one more time, you were going to kick him out of your room. “Sure! That was… nice.” 'More lies'.

Without notice, big surprise, he flipped you over. “On your knees,” he all but barked at you. This atleast was a winner position for you. You knew how to angle your body and how to move. He literally couldn’t mess this up and you could use him without him knowing. As he slammed back into you for the second time, the game was on.

Minutes went by and you could feel the sweat on you coming off him. You couldn’t wait to take a shower, but God you were so close. The only things you took from him were his pounding pace and his above average size. Bunking your hips back into him, he used him for all he was worth in the moment. You let your head flop down on the pillow and found your aching clit once more. Tiny circles getting faster and faster, you could feel the waves once more starting to swelling in your lower stomach. Finally, it was happening. As he pulled back, you tried slowing your panting to breathing and rolled back onto your back. After a few minutes you reached up with the back of your hand to brush your damp hair off your forehead but in doing so, it caught the edge of your eye mask. ‘What the fuck!?

The last thing you heard was your own scream, slowly getting quieter as you passed out from what you will think when you wake is exhaustion.

***

Stephen sat up in bed, looking at the clock on his nightstand. 1:15 am glowed brightly back at him. Remembering what he thought he had heard that woke him, he waited quietly for a moment. Silence was all that followed. ‘Shit’ he thought to himself. He slowly pulled on his clothes and headed for the door, his cloak effortlessly landing upon his shoulders.

Down by the fireplace Wong was seated reading a book. “Why are you up?”

“Some nights I stay up late. Some days I wake early.” Wong, always full of logical and no-flowery answers.

“Uh, ok…anyway,” Stephen tilted his head to the side while asking Wong, “did you hear something a bit ago? Like a scream by chance?”

“You heard a scream?” Wong set down his book on his lap while looking up at Stephen.

With a heavy sigh, Stephen sat down in the overstuffed chair across from Wong. “I think I was just dreaming.” He stared into the fire, slowly falling asleep again, replaying the sound he was sure had woken him.

****

Little note : Doctor Strange, though I love him, isn't my normal content on my blog. If you'd like to be tagged when I eventually make a part two, please comment below 🤗 I have gotten new followers from this fic and am worried about disappointing peeps 💕

#dr strange #dr strange smut #doctor strange #dark doctor strange #doctor strange multiverse of madness #multiverse of madness #stephen strange

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shinysimoleon · 2 years

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my opinion on early access (u don’t have to read, just ranting) ✨

i never really thought anything about early access before. i just assumed, oh yeah well that’s nice they can make some money for what they are doing.

until a couple days ago did i really see a glimpse into the minds of these early access creators we all know and love.

first of all, as soon as they realized they couldn’t make anymore money, they whined, pitched a fit, and blamed US. yes us, the very ones that have been giving them money this whole time, lol.

then they acted confused… like they couldn’t understand what ea’s new tou meant. (before it was changed again.) i mean it clearly stated the only way modders could make money was through donations, everything has to be 100% free. and nothing behind a paywall… which technically does include early access since at one point their cc is in fact behind a paywall. So many words were being twisted and excuses were being made just so these people could prove that they deserve to have their stuff paid for.

the sob stories were not it. with the exception of the creators who truly cannot work due to their disabilities, (you are so deeply loved and we would’ve all helped you out as much as we can if it ended up that early access was no longer available, via donations 💌)

the complaining about being homeless, not being able to pay your bills, can’t pay for your school etc… i’m sorry but aren’t we… all struggling? at least at some point? you know what helps with that though, and i hate to say it, but getting a real job. and by real I mean anything that will offer you and reliable and stable income. not some monthly tier that anyone can cancel at anytime. early access allowed or not please, PLEASE if you are a cc creator, don’t depend on this kind of stuff for all or most of your income. that is setting yourself up for complete failure.

many also shared it was just a side hustle. they work so hard everyday at their own, real, jobs, then come home and spend all their free time making cc. staying up all night, no sleep, no eating, no hanging out with their friends. listen, if you are passionate about the sims and making your own creations, i’m all for wanting to spend your free time doing that, i’m sure it’s lots of fun when you’re good at it! but the problem is that you’re complaining about it. don’t complain about how much hard work it takes because of all the time you’re spending doing it, you’re choosing to do that yourself. no one is holding a g*n to your head forcing to you to do it. maybe if you didn’t have early access set up and you actually just loved creating in your free time, you wound be able to get full nights of sleep, develop better eating habits, hangout with your friends, etc. cause you won’t feel the pressure of having perfect content released in a certain amount of time for the people paying you.

another reason i’ve never thought much about early access is because until a couple days ago, i had no idea other gaming communities had not 1 cent involved in releasing mods to their community. i guess it’s cause these people know how to balance real life and also having a passion for something. why can’t we be like them? why can’t our community love and share everything with each other like others do? why is there such a limited amount of creators that don’t want your money because they actually love and want to make this community a better place for all of us. it’s because paying for cc and mods has just became the norm, that’s why even calling out early access creators feels weird to me, but it really is true. why do you have to have money involved?

respect to those creators that stopped doing early access posts once they thought ea was banning it. it showed us you weren’t in it for the money, even though you did appreciate it. it showed us you care about your community and you respect the people you are profiting off of.

to those who pretended to be confused, i bet you think we all look dumb now, that’s fine. at the time, it didn’t look good for early access and everyone knew that, but you were too stubborn to accept it. some of you guys showed your true colors and what you see this community as.

I know early access is eventually released and it is not about that. it’s about the fact they even feel the need to ask for money in the first place. i cant believe ea let’s you guys profit off of them considering no company really allows that but that’s their decision and i will respect that. just giving my 2 cents cause this drama has completely taken up my tl

#the sims 4 #simblr #this is a lot #i’m sorry lmao #some of these people just rub me the wrong way

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vesselhoundz · 7 months

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Essay #1 on Pàs

How am I going to keep on living? I just will. I will die one day and my body will have no use anymore. It will decay into the wooden box in a beautiful cemetery somewhere where it rains. Perhaps in New York. Where my family came after leaving Minsk.

My panties are soiled. There is something feminine about sitting in soil, in bloodied panties. It was never my intention to make any of this. It is the only thing I know. The process is not foreign to me and I forget that it is to so many. Creation and creation before the inevitable death. Perhaps it is why I feel no need to create another human being. To give the rare opportunity of life to another being.

To become pregnant. I would throw up, not from the bodily sensations but from the idea and anxiety alone. I would throw up.

Many things happen all at once. I lay in my day robe and decay.

A marriage is nothing if you do not truly know the person. A relationship is learning who and how. I know nothing of commitment.

A couple days off and what does she do? She writes, she becomes. She lays out and arranges. PÀS. That’s so Pàs. That’s effing Pàs.

There is something feminine about Pàs. There is something Pàs about my mother. There is something Pàs about me.

Pas exists in Lithium. In 90s grunge. In loud music and lots of people and kissing like no ones watching, and not really caring, and drugs.

BYOB

BYOD

Documenting the thoughts that come in. This is the inside of the mind. It is difficult to visualize because the dreams are so vivid and intense and reality is so tiresome. There is something Pàs about my aunt. We both wake up tired because we lived a lot while we were asleep. What is asleep? I’m more sad to die because then Ill dream no more. The life I look forward to, yet I stay up so late and hold myself back from sleep. I await it. Like an erotic fixation.

I drink beer. That’s Pàs.

Angelina Jolie is Pàs. Lana del Rey is Pàs.

They know it somehow.

Pas is romantic and deadly.

Pas is concrete and silk.

Louis Garell is Pàs, but only because he is a fantasy. Like a member of a boy band she was in love with in middle school. Playing Pàs like a doll house. Playing Pàs like a dream. During the day time.

Pàs is unfulfilled wrestling without kissing.

Pàs is supposedly cigarettes and bleach blonde hair and blue eyeshadow and thin legs.

Being sexy alone. Being sexy around others and insecure and it either mattering far too much that she’s sexy or not at all to a point of embarrassment. Pàs is choosing to wear a blazer to make her more comfortable. Or maybe that’s just me. Pàs is not me. I am not Pàs. There is Pàs in me. Pas is a fantasy. Pàs is a dialogue. A choosing of becoming. Pàs is living alone.

I want to kill the protector because she can’t always do her job.

That’s why I’d like a man.

The fantasy of Adrian Brody.

Pàs is kind and ugly. Pàs is a pleasant and deserving fantasy. Knee socks are cokequette and fucking Pàs.

In Pàs, she gets her ass eaten. In Pàs, she lets him go and doesn’t call. Or calls 100 times in an hour.

Why do I speak? Why do I share? Can’t I not help myself? My nature. All I want to do is shut the fuck up. I miss the chaos then. Unfortunately. I wont leave it behind. Ill make a scene. Pàs.

I don’t ever want to grow old. I want to be 22 forever. I don’t want to be 29 and old. Even if it means Ill have everything Ive always wanted. 33 and Pàs. Ill take it. Sad and old and a drug addict.

Mortality and death. She faces mortality.

She’s walking in Irish fields and knows exactly where she is going.

She cant be too overwhelmed with Pàs. It must come to her.

She lets Pàs inside and worries that she does it to herself. That she’s made it all this way. She scares herself and thinks of the protector as a thief and a betrayer. The Protector is Judas and Jesus Christ is my subconscious spirit who must be freed and must be betrayed. Death allows us to continue on at the lowest point it fuels a sense of here. You don't just see Pàs, you feel it.

Will you come over and do dirty unspeakable things to me?

Not because you want to and not because I asked.

Because you know its what I need and Ill lie there and take it and then You’ll get me water after and let me just lie there. You’ll know I’m alive and slap my ass when we both cum and you tell me not to but I do anyway. And then you go and sit with your dignity after you’ve put your slacks back on and you sit on the couch in your slacks with your dignity in one hand and a strawberry yogurt cup in the other and you lick your lips and read the news. You look over to me and I’m still just lying there with your cum dripping out of my asshole and down my leg, liking the feeling of it and it turns me on a bit again and You look over and notice and shake your head as I press my hips into the blanket of lion fur. You tell me I’m a cock slut because you know me and I roll over and begin to masturbate. Running my fingers down and through and into my pussy. You tell me to stop touching. You just watch. You turn on a record. Some grunge. You come over and grab my face pinching it. You slap me and spit into my mouth and on my vagina. Dont fucking touch it. I stand up and walk off. I piss with the door open. Looking right at him.

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hruvhi · 11 months

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Road To Happiness

I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that will make me happy these days. If I genuinely want to pursue happiness, I need a concrete plan so I list them down here! I really have to work hard because my happiness could cost a lot of money huhu.

1. Travel to at least 6 countries before I’m 30

My idea of a perfect adventure would be something like in anime. You know, climb three mountains, sleep under the stars, meet random people and learn from them, kill some dragons, and collect Pokèmon. Of course that’s not possible, so let’s make a more realistic travel plan. First, I have to get a job and save some money while studying. If I want to enjoy my trip, I should probably learn their language so I can chikka with them, don’t you think? I really like talking to people and sharing some stories so I have to learn foreign language and their culture. Hmm, what else? Ah! Where would I go? I want to go to Thailand! I heard they have some interesting food and culture. I want to try eating a crocodile or a scorpion. I can’t eat cockroach though, I’d rather die. If I go there, I don’t want to stay at the capital. I’d probably want to visit some outskirts, you know, like climbing mountains and sleeping under the stars. I also want to visit some forests but that would be dangerous, right? So should I learn martial arts before I go? Hmm maybe that would take a while, I’ll skip the forest then. I’ll stay their for a month, and if it’s not too exhausting, I will go to Cambodia and Malaysia too. Maybe I’ll go to Singapore too hehe it’s the perfect adventure. After that, I’d probably go to Japan. I want to go to Tokyo because I want to buy my favorite Manga series but I heard it’s expensive so I’ll skip that. I want to go to somewhere relaxing and peaceful, somewhere far from the city perhaps. I think Okinawa, Fukuoka and Hiroshima would be good. Hmm, I should study those places. But I want to go to Tokyo Disneyland too! My sister would often call me bipolar haha maybe it’s because I’m a bit aloof who loves fun and adventure at the same time. I don’t know. Oh well, it’s not uncommon. Even citizenships can be dual! After that, I will go to Korea. I want to try Lotte World! Then I’ll buy many chocolates! I want to try skating too! I’ll go to coffee shops and eat cheesecake! I want to do so many things!

2. Study Masters degree abroad

After my post-graduate degree, I’ll probably work first to save money then I’ll study abroad for two years. I want to study in Europe. Expanding my world is great since I’m really ambitious. It’s a bit uncomfortable when you take risks but you won’t learn anything if you do not so I’d rather take risks. Who knows, maybe I can do something useful after that. I’d want to learn something useful so when I go back, I can make a difference, even just a little. I won’t hide it anymore, I’m really ambitious. I feel like I shouldn’t be ashamed for wanting something that’s out of my reach. Maybe, just maybe, the world would give in someday and just let me have it. Sometimes, when you show your sincerity, the universe would realize that you’re deserving of that thing you truly want. You just have to persevere. While I’m there, I want to visit art galleries and maybe learn how to paint. You know, those random people who would paint portraits on streets, I want that! I can do that as a part time job. Or maybe I can be a photographer. Or those musicians who play the guitar on streets! Hehe that’s exciting! Or maybe I can get a job in coffee shops and do art latte. Oh my gosh, I can’t wait! I can do it, fight fight!

3. Build a legacy

I still don’t know how I can give back to others. When I was 15, my dad asked me what I want to do on my birthday so I told him I want to give out foods and clothes to people who needed it in my area. My parents agreed to my request. To be honest, I really don’t like celebrating my birthday. I’m still uncomfortable with the fact that I was born. My family and friends celebrating something I’m not happy about makes me feel...guilty? sad? I don’t know. It’s an unpleasant feeling. But since that day that I decided to celebrate my birthday with others, I feel happy. I still remember when my dad and I drove around Manila to give food and clothes to people living under bridges and on the streets, and it felt good. The way people smiled at me and expressed their gratitude makes my heart warm. Sometimes, I feel guilty whenever they would thank me because I’m actually doing it for myself. I would hear my neighbors praising me for that but to be honest, I’m doing it for myself so I would feel like I have a purpose and it’s not something worthy of praise. But I don’t know, I’ve been doing it since then and it makes me happy. Then I realized that I can only help them on my birthday, which is something temporary. So if I can find a way to make it permanent, then I can say that I’ve lived a good life. I want to build something solid, not just temporary. I need the power and influence to do that, so I should work really hard.

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gustingirl · 2 years

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eyes, nose, lips | j.kiszka x reader x s.kiszka

"I can still feel you, but like a burnt out flame, burnt and destroyed all of our love"

- in which you discover how dangerous a broken heart can be -

request: Can I request with Jakey , The reader thought that Jake broke up with her but he actually didn’t because she didn’t listen to him clearly #71. "I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore” and so she ends up hooking up with Sammy #90. "I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.” Or #96 “I’m Yours” and he finds out about it #166. "Is that what you’re doing? Trying to make me to hate you?”

warnings: smut, mentions of sexual acts, graphic sexual description and vocabulary

part 1: [x]

part 2: [x]

part three (love or lust?): [x]

They say that, at the end of the day, we are our own enemies. How much of that can be true? No matter how many people we meet in our lives, we only live our entire lives with ourselves. As much as we can hate that, it’s true. And all these positive people will say this to help you feel better with ourselves, especially our bodies. But nobody ever truly talks about what it means to spend your entire life living with your own mind. Maybe we can learn to love our bodies the way they are, but our mind will always be, really, our biggest enemy.

It always seems like your mind wants you to fail, right? It will always try to boycott your feelings, your hopes, your prayers, everything. And when you’ve been in a relationship for so long, your mind finds the way to ruin your entire happiness. No intuition worked here, no. It was your own insecurity making its way around your mind, making you believe your boyfriend no longer loved you.

You and Jake had been dating for God knows how long. You believed it had been 3 years while Jake was sure you guys started dating 5 years ago. It was evident that neither of you knew exactly when the relationship started, and that should have been a sign for you. As much as you really loved Jake, something always felt wrong. It was like, too good to be true, right?

Because have you ever seen that man? He is sex on a stick, a fucking dream come true for any hopeless romantic. It’s no surprise you had fallen in love within seconds after meeting him. It had been through friends in common, typically. And it had felt so good since day one. But the years going by, and your mind playing tricks on you, started making you believe this had only been a dream that you could only dream of, and never truly live it.

His job didn’t exactly help, either. How can you control a famous rockstar? And how can you trust someone whose role models have always been these legendary rock stars who had more groupies than friends? You truly wanted to believe he was not like those singers your mom was a fan of during her teenage years. But as always, your mind was not your best friend, and all sorts of insecurities arised from just thinking of what Jake was doing whenever he “was at work”.

At some point in your life, you decided to keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. You had gotten tired of your insecurities keeping you awake every single night so, as your mind has always wanted, you decided to stay closer to Jake, visit him at work and basically follow him around, something you had never done since you began dating.

You showed up the very first time at their studio when they were recording their newest album. Your visit surprised Jake for good and he was the happiest boy with his lovely girlfriend by his side. He didn’t realize what your intentions were until months later, when he noticed you were by his side every single day, with no exceptions. You should have expected he would find out eventually. It all went down with one single, rather stupid, fight.

“Y/N, you’re still here? Don’t you have something else to do?” Jake suddenly asked one day as he was tuning his guitar and waiting for his bandmates to show up. The question didn’t sound the way he wanted to; he truly was curious, but you did not find curiosity in those words.

“Why? You don’t want me around?” you fired back, crossing your arms in front of your chest. Jake sighed before replying

“Did I say that? Or did I ask if you had something else to do?” he truly wasn’t in the mood to argue about this

“It sounded like you were kicking me out” you knew by then that your mind with your insecurities were taking over you, as you wouldn’t think twice what you were saying

“Seriously? You’re gonna start this again? The guys will be here any second, you really want them to hear all this?”

“I don’t give a shit about that. I wanna know why you’re so eager to be left alone. Is someone else joining the party? I don’t know, some horny 19 year old girl, big fan of your band, who magically happened to-”

“Don’t even start!” Jake’s sudden raise of voice made you shut up instantly, even taking a few steps back. He never was a pretty angry person, and for some reason it could always cool you down “You always do this! You always ruin it!”

“Ruin what? Your life?” you had no idea what feeling was now possessing you, but it wasn’t pretty

“When the FUCK did I say you ruin my life?”

What you had started out of jealousy and insecurity was now burning you back, and you knew that you couldn’t take this. You could barely win an argument that you had started, as you were aware that they never made sense. Before Jake could see you realizing you were wrong, you rolled your eyes and left, believing silence would be enough of an answer for now.

“Oh you’re leaving!?” FINE!” you could hear him yell back as you left the room.

Your heart dropped, however, once you made it to the hallway after closing the door behind you.

“I’M FUCKING SICK OF YOU, WE’RE DONE”

Did…did Jake just break up with you? No way, he wouldn’t do it that way. But, again, that fight was not an usual one. Jake seemed more annoyed than ever. And now that you think about it, Jake had been acting so strange the last few months. Was there someone else? Was he tired of a relationship? Was he finally tired of you?

Your mind was screaming, kicking and fighting more now than ever, and you truly needed it to shut up. You had noticed you had been standing by the closed door for a while and the room was suddenly too small, despite being a wide hallway. Upon feeling the need of fresh air, you inhaled those boogers that would always appear when crying was all you needed and you began walking towards the entrance.

Immersed in your thoughts, keeping your head down to avoid uncomfortable questions, you never once realized someone was coming your way. This someone was as distracted as you were, and the two collided with so much strength you fell to the floor.

“Oh, I’m sor- Y/N?” the voice was familiar and you quickly raised your head to meet this person’s eye.

Sam was staring right at you, with quite an expression on his face that you had never seen before. He quickly kneeled down and helped you remove some hair off your face.

“Are you crying? Did Jake say something to you? Are you fine?” Sam asked nervously, his concern being more evident with each question asked.

You loved him, as he was always keeping an eye on you. You recalled then something that you had been noticing from the younger brother, but you were not in the mood to think about it. As you also weren’t in the mood to answer all that.

“Please, let me go. I don’t wanna be here anymore” you replied with a much lower voice, almost as a whisper.

Sam didn’t hesitate to shut up and help you get up. You shared one more smile before abandoning the building, leaving a very concerned Sam behind you.

As much as you wanted to stay mad, your emotions were too uncontrollable. You wanted to hate Jake so badly, but he had been your true love these past years, and the pain that this break up was causing you was too much to bear. You began feeling like everything had been left inconclusive. After months of staying far away from your now ex - boyfriend, you made up your mind one day to face him one more time and clear the doubts you still had.

But you should have known yourself better. When have you ever let anybody see you weak? You couldn’t, not even with all the strength of your mind, accept that you had lost. For you, you were never in the wrong. And these dark thoughts were resting in the back of your mind the day you decided to face Jake once more.

You had purchased a ticket for his latest concert. As you had planned, you got a position where Jake could see you perfectly. You enjoyed the concert, anyways, as his music had always been your favorite. Within seconds he had seen you, and something in his attitude changed. Was it annoyance? You had no idea, as your own feelings were blurring your eyes and mind.

On stage, Jake’s mind was also distraught. He had no idea why you had been so distant lately, not replying to his messages or never picking up the phone whenever he would call. He remembered the endless nights he spent crying about you with Josh, venting all his problems as his twin seemed to be the only one who could understand him. The memories of the last encounter started replaying inside his head as The Barbarians started playing.

“When the FUCK did I say you ruin my life?”

Jake watched as you hesitated a bit in your place. He knew you well, and was aware you were thinking about your next move. He was expecting a louder yelling back from you, as your arguments would always consist of each one raising the voice after the other. However, you remained silent and only decided to leave him with his new anger alone.

“Oh you’re leaving!?” FINE!” Jake yelled once more, wanting now for you to reply. It was useless, as you were determined to leave in silence.

As you abandoned the room, Jake felt like venting to the air.

“I’M FUCKING SICK OF THIS, WE’RE DONE FIGHTING AND THEN IT’S LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. WHY CAN’T YOU OPEN UP TO ME!? BABE!?”

Jake could yell for hours but it seemed like he wouldn’t get an answer. Frustration took over him and, in a state of anger, accidentally broke his guitar. He stayed silent then, upon seeing his consequences. A few minutes later, Sam walked inside the room.

“Jake, what’s going on? Why was Y/N crying?” his brother inquired as he tried getting closer.

Jake only giggled sadly, shaking his head.

“Of course she’s crying. She yells at me, closes herself and then cries. I love her so much, why won’t she let me get through her? It’s been years, Sammy, years that this has been happening. I want her to trust me, why won’t she?” the last words luckily came out of his mouth as anguish was now all he could feel, and the knot in his throat wouldn’t let him speak correctly.

Sam gulped before embracing his brother in a hug, unsure of what to do next.

His own words kept replaying inside his head as he constantly glanced over at where you were. The whole scene still felt blurry, like a nightmare that still haunts him every night. Unfortunately for the both of you, you happened to be two very stubborn people, and the possibility of one or the other dropping their stubborness to admit their mistake was zero to none. Jake knew this, and he could sense from the stage that you had come to the venue to hear an apology.

And, as expected, such a thing happened. Hours after the last song was played, Jake found himself waiting for you to finish rambling about how hurt you were about his words. He truly wanted to yell back, but the amount of love he had for you wouldn’t allow him to be such an awful person. He knew that he never spoke the nicest words whenever he would raise his voice. However, this time he was a hundred percent sure he was not the one who should be apologizing.

“I just don’t get how you can let all this happen! What about the love we have for each other, huh? You forgot about it?” you complained, moving your arms around with the ugliest expression on your face.

Jake sighed, rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest as tight as possible.

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore” Jake said with total peace in his voice, though it was due to pure tiredness. Many times he had put his arms down for you, always wanting the relationship to survive, even if that meant he had to admit to mistakes he hadn’t committed or that he never regretted. But this time, he was tired. It could also mean Josh’s speech had worked. Josh adored you as much as the man next door, but he loved his brother even more, and truly believed he deserved to be mad too.

On the other hand, you were left speechless. He really wasn’t taking back breaking your heart. He stood there staring at you, in a silence that was louder than any word that could be spoken. He was saying nothing, but he was crying out everything with just a silence. It then hit you. This truly was over. He wasn’t willing to work on your relationship, he had given up. And as much as it hurt you, you admitted the defeat.

In the same silence, you left the room, holding in all the tears that were threatening to leave your eyes. You weren’t going to give him the luxury of seeing you cry for him. Jake remained in his place, also swallowing all the emotions so that you would truly understand him. But communication wasn’t working in this relationship, and the lack of it ended up ruining it.

Many months had passed since that one last conversation. It truly was the last time you two had shared a word and it was evident in the atmosphere. It took you some weeks to be able to see anybody in his surroundings again. The first one you encountered was Danny. He was too shy to truly share with you how Jake was feeling. The second one was Josh and he pretended to not see you at the mall. You expected it from Jake’s closest brother. You were sure Josh knew something about you that made him hate you somehow. But it was Sam the one who made you suddenly think twice.

It was a weird encounter, though, but you didn’t exactly hate it. You had spent the last weeks being surrounded by all kinds of people, very nosy people who wanted to know everything about the breakup. Though at first it was comforting, it soon became annoying and it took you a while to be able to push everybody out. Therefore, you decided to go to the cinema alone one night, in search of some peace and entertainment. Such peace was soon disturbed by a very familiar face popping up in between a crowd. The similarity of that face with your own ex - boyfriend’s face was too obvious, and it didn’t take long for the known stranger to approach you.

“Y/N? Hey!” Sam exclaimed with a big smile. You smiled back, remembering how much time you would spend with the younger brother. You hugged him tightly as soon as he was near.

“Hey, Sam. What are you doing here?” you looked around you, a bit of fear showing up. Sam picked it up quickly and shook his head

“I came alone, don’t worry. I can’t be with my brothers for too long” he joked, a bit of a nervous giggle being released right after. You smiled as you sighed, all concerns of seeing Jake again going away.

“I’m here alone too. People get too annoying” you commented, gaining a nod from Sam

“Want me to leave you alone?” he suddenly asked. You frowned at him for a second before shaking your head softly

“You’re not that people, Sammy. I would love to watch the movie with you. Maybe we can share popcorn and snacks”

The smile Sam showed you was so endearing that it made you forget everything for just a few seconds. You instantly followed him inside the theatre and found a couple of empty seats right in the back.

The night continued as normal, though you couldn’t let your guard down. There was something off with Sam. It always was like this, almost since the very first days you’d met him. Like you could feel the atmosphere not being entirely…friendly. However, your mind was always concentrated on Jake to even notice Sam’s actions. But now everything was different and nothing was going unnoticed. Not the way he would suddenly stroke your hand while thinking you were focused on the movie. Or the way his eyes would glance over at you every five seconds. Or how close he would get to whisper the dumbest comment into your ear. You were not dumb; these things were not new and you could tell the intentions behind them in Sam’s eyes. Nevertheless, his company was essential right now and nothing could make you push him away.

You never expected Sam to stick around so much. You would have thought by now that Jake was aware of you two seeing each other and was totally against it. But nothing seemed to demonstrate this. You weren’t complaining, though. You found yourself adoring every second passed with Sam. He had such an outgoing personality that could erase any bad thought from your mind.

But your mind could never rest, not even when Sam was right by your side. So many emotions were taking over you. You were sure by now that you were not ok. The breakup had definitely taken over your body, or else you wouldn’t be thinking of fucking his brother.

But there you were, sitting besides Sam at his apartment as he was writing some lyrics. You were searching around the internet, totally bored, with nothing in your mind. Your concentration was gone hours ago, and now you were suddenly glancing over at Sam’s hands, as you watched them go from his base to the pencil, sometimes going to his lips as he was thinking some words. It was all too much for you, and as you imagined, you weren’t thinking straight.

“God, they’re big” you muttered a bit too loud for your liking, gaining Sam’s attention instantly

“Sorry?” he asked, though he soon caught your stare and noticed how they were landing on his hands. He suddenly turned red and avoided your stare, showing you a small shy smile. “O-oh”

You bit your lip as you watched him reach over to grab his glass of wine and accidentally spilled the content on himself. You giggled while Sam began swearing repeatedly.

“Fuck, what’s wrong with me?” Sam began saying as he struggled to erase the big stain on his shirt.

“You’re fucking it up more, idiot” you laughed while approaching him. You kneeled right by his side, your body evidently stuck to his.

His eyes attempted to look at you, but as soon as he realized your breasts were almost by his face, he quickly looked away. You noticed it but decided to keep it to yourself.

“Let me help you” you said softly.

Sam tried to reject your offer but you were quick to start unbuttoning his shirt. You were close enough to his body to notice the change in his breathing. Once the shirt was off, you left it on a side as you stared at Sam with a smile.

“Y/N, I-” Sam started but cut himself off the second he noticed how your eyes glared down. He swallowed before looking down, knowing his boner had already made an appearance and was ruining the whole atmosphere “I-I can explain…it”

“You don’t need to” you commented back, biting your lip at the sight. You glanced over at his face before continuing “I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking”

The look on Sam’s face was of both horror and embarrassment. He truly had believed he was being sneakily about it. I mean, you had never mentioned it. He had the idea you were oblivious to it or else you would have complained. But you were aware of it, pretty aware of it, and you didn’t seem bothered at all.

As much as he tried, he couldn’t say a word. Nothing was coming up in his mind and he was struggling more than ever. It didn’t help at all that you were now sliding off the couch to kneel in between his legs. Your stare was penetrating his soul and he had never desired you so much before. You tried crawling on top of him but soon his hands stopped you.

“Y/N, I-I can’t do this” he was lying, he knew it damn well. But there was still a little voice inside his head screaming for coherence.

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” you asked while sitting on his lap.

Unconsciously, his hands travelled to your naked legs and began stroking them as his eyes could not leave your face. Your stare was driving him insane, and that little voice was every time quieter.

“You’re…you’re Jake’s girl” was all Sam could say

“I’m my own person, I’m not his or anybody’s” your reply confused Sam a lot, but that voice of coherence suddenly was silent as you took his hands and drove them to your breasts “But tonight I’m yours, I’m only yours”

All threads of sanity were quickly gone inside both of your heads, and within seconds you had Sam kissing you deeply, not waiting a second to take your clothes off.

As fast as both your bodies were naked, sweaty and stuck together, Sam picked you up with ease while making his way to his bedroom. No thoughts were going through your minds, only pure lust and terrible need to get rid of all the tension built inside your bodies.

The next morning felt like you had the biggest hangover ever. Your head was killing you and you could even feel a bit dizzy. It didn’t make sense as you had only drank one glass of wine. But the dense atmosphere was making you struggle to get out of bed. After trying for a while, you came to realization that it wasn’t the atmosphere keeping you down, it was an arm.

Bits of the night before came back to your mind as you turned around and found Sam sleeping peacefully by your side, his arm resting with ease over your waist with his land fallen by your chest. You could only assume he had fallen asleep while grabbing your breast. All this made sense with Sam.

But your mind wasn’t understanding anything. Did you sleep with your ex-boyfriend’s brother? The guy you had befriended years ago? Was this truly happening?

“Are you gonna stare for much longer? I may charge you the minute” the sleepy voice took you off completely, waking up something down there for you. You gasped softly at how good he sounded the next morning, and all feelings of regret soon disappeared

“You’re a beautiful sight when the sun shines bright through the window” you commented, not believing right away that you had just said that

“I’m always a beautiful sight, though” Sam replied, slightly sarcastically, as he slowly opened his eyes only a bit. You laughed softly at his joke and watched him as he got up, resting his body’s weight on his elbow “But you’re an even more beautiful sight”

The gentle touch of his hand on your face as he removed some strands of hair off your face felt more like a slap from reality. These same scenarios used to happen, but with the man you had fallen deeply in love with. And that man wasn’t Sam. It was his brother.

“I gotta go” you murmured, hating yourself as you began getting dressed.

“Regret finally hit you?” his question made you stop midway as you were searching for your blouse

“We fucked and I’m still in love with your brother” your reply wasn’t supposed to sound so harsh, but to your fortune, Sam didn’t seem fazed

“Yesterday you were bashing the poor guy, now you’re in love with him?” Sam was oddly rude, his tone making you now feel a lot more upset than horny

“This isn’t your business” you said, trying to sound as rude but failing

“You made it my business when you rode me last night while screaming my name”

You knew he was right, no matter how much you tried to deny it. After all, it was you the one who jumped on him.

“Do I need to remind you? You said last night you were mine” Sam continued. You weren’t sure exactly where this conversation was going, but you weren’t feeling happy.

“Sam, quit it, ok? This was a one time thing and only because Jake broke my heart” you remarked, continuing searching for your stuff. You hurried your pace to be able to leave the apartment faster.

“How sure are you that you’re not the one who broke his heart?”

That sudden question made you get up quickly, though you avoided his harsh stare on you. No words seemed to fit a proper answer, and the more time you would spend thinking of one, the heavier the atmosphere felt. You decided then that no answer was better than one.

“Goodbye, Sam” you quickly responded before leaving the room, soon then leaving the apartment.

Sam let his body fall back to the bed as he sighed loudly. He truly didn’t want to upset you, and you were unaware of how confused he was. It was understandable, you suddenly falling into his arms as he had always dreamt. But Jake was in the picture, and it didn’t matter how bad your relationship with him was, Jake was still Sam’s brother and that should mean something to the younger brother.

Poor Sam’s mind would not let him rest the following days. His conscience was eating him alive, and it didn’t help that he basically saw Jake all the time. He was the first one to hold Jake as he cried for you, and months later he had fucked his girlfriend. Nothing made sense inside his mind, but thankfully, work was so demanding he soon found himself getting a lot more distracted.

However, distractions are temporary and soon hell was set loose.

One afternoon, the band had decided to film at Sam’s apartment. Some producer had had the idea of doing sketches for fans and Sam’s had to be filmed at his own place. As the band always worked together, all four boys were hanging out at Sam’s apartment as they cleared the kitchen for the cameras.

Everybody was everywhere as Sam cleaned his kitchen counters, the boys making so much noise with their conversations.

“Hey, Sam. Do you have that shirt I lent you the other day? I may use it for my own sketch” Danny asked as he cleaned some knives

“Oh yeah. I think I have it. Go get it” the younger boy replied

“Can you get it for me? My hands are dirty” Danny asked someone.

Sam didn’t pay much attention to who he was talking to as he was too concentrated on the cleaning activity. Suddenly, a loud, angry voice made everybody’s head lift up quickly.

“What the fuck is this!?”

Sam recognized Jake’s voice in an instant. He waited as he could hear steps getting closer. The older brother joined the rest at the kitchen, now holding in his hands a bra.

“Sam. What the fuck is this?” Jake’s voice was now way calmer but not any less angry. The lack of emotion on his face was making Sam enter into panic mode.

“A bra?” Sam replied, trying hard so his voice wouldn’t sound as shaky.

“Whose bra is this?” Josh asked, a sense of fun curiosity in his tone and expression. He seemed, like always, the only one smiling.

“Yeah, Sam. Whose bra is this?” Jake repeated, sounding a lot less fun than Josh. The reiterated question made Josh’s smile vanish.

Sam remained silent. If he answered the question, then everything would be real. As much as he tried, he really couldn’t give an answer. This was enough for Jake who was now grabbing Sam’s phone. He threw it across the counter along with the bra, and both objects landed perfectly in front of the bassist.

“Call her” Jake demanded.

The expression was still unreadable and, with each second passed, Sam’s panic was growing intensely. He didn’t hesitate to obey.

You picked up the phone with your head in the clouds, barely even checking who was calling.

“Hello?”

“Please come to my place. You forgot something” Sam was completely monotone, which confunded you a lot.

With nothing else being said, and with no time to reply, Sam hung up. All throughout the call, his eyes were nailed on Jake’s, though it was more like the other way around. Jake’s fury was all over the place and still Danny and Josh were oblivious to everything. They could tell there was something going on but they couldn’t figure out exactly what.

All the answers to their doubts and questions showed up the second the door rang and you walked in, after Sam exclaimed it was open.

Your face dropped to the floor when you realized what was going on. It was confusing at first, but the sight of Jake holding your bra in front of your face was enough sign for you to read the room. You gulped as he made his way to you.

“Excuse me, hi. Nice to see you, after, I don’t know, four months? Or was it six? Fuck, I don’t even recall!” Jake’s sarcastic tone was painful more than funny

“Six months and two weeks” you replied dry

“Oh, look at her! She even counted the weeks!” Jake yelled, still sarcastically

“What are you doing here?” you could only seem to ask

“No, I got a better one, babe” Jake lifted a finger as he spoke, an devilish smile on his face “Why the fuck is your bra at Samuel’s room? Mmhm?”

All eyes, except for Jake’s, went straight to Sam. The tall boy was pale as fuck and he swallowed hard as he made short eye contact with everybody, starting and ending with you.

“No, no, don’t look at him darling” Jake suddenly spoke, making you stare back at him. “Answer me.”

You swallowed too, taking a deep breath before answering.

“Why do you ask something that you already have the answer for?” like always, you couldn’t let him see you weak. No matter how many years had passed, you still hated being vulnerable around him.

“I see” was his only answer for a while.

The sharp movement of his arm throwing the bra across the room made everybody jump in their places.

“I just can’t get you, Y/N! I can never get you! Do you love me? Do you hate me? Do you want me to hate you? Is that what you’re doing? Trying to make me hate you?”

“I thought you already did” you replied quickly, the wounds of your breakup feeling fresh again

“How could I ever fucking hate you!? I’m fucking in love with you, for the love of God!” Jake yelled back, his voice raising with each word.

“Then why would you break up with me!?” You could only think of matching his tone.

However, you weren’t expecting his expression. His eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed several times before he could speak.

“What fucking break up are you talking about!? We’re still together!”

What?

Did he just…? Did he never…?

“What are you talking about?” you murmured, your expression being quite the opposite as his.

Then it hit him.

“Oh my god” was all he could say, reality punching him really hard to the point that he just couldn’t talk. He covered his mouth in shock as he walked around.

You copied him subconsciously, as it also hit you right there.

You had cheated on the love of your life with his own brother.

this ended up being so long i had to create a whole ass fic for it lmaoo hope this reached your expectations! thanks for requesting and thanks for reading! <3

#greta van fleet #gvf #.gvftxt #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet angst #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #sam kiszka x reader #jake kiszka x reader #sam kiszka fic #jake kiszka fic #sam kiszka smut

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the-witty-pen-name · 3 years

Text

Deadbeat Pt. 1

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), smut/masturbation (implied/mild), cursing, abandonment, infatuation, alcohol, cheating, violence?, mild housewife kink?

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room.

A/N: I’m terrible at writing summaries and I’m so sorry about that! I don’t think I would consider this a dark!fic, but it does cover a lot of themes, and topics that are darker than I usually write about- but I think that comes with the territory of writing about Lee Bodecker. I’ll make sure to update the warnings for each chapter and do not read if you are underage. I also ignored canon for this one.

There are no tags on this one, because no one has specifically asked to be tagged on smut fics and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable!

I hope you all enjoy!

Tags and Requests are OPEN

“Get out of here Lee,” you spat, pointing to the door he just walked into the bar from. “You swore to Janie you wouldn’t touch a drop.”

“C’mon (y/n),” he said sitting at the bar anyways, a smug grin on his face, making you scoff.

“I ain’t having anything to do with you breaking your promise to that lovely woman,” you say confirming your point. You wipe your hands on the towel that was hanging from your apron.

“Jack and coke?” He asks, looking at you with eyes that would be endearingly puppy dog if it weren’t Lee Bodecker. You shook your head.

“A coke it is,” you say and he gives up trying for now. He regrets telling you on his last visit he’d be swearing off drinking cause Janie finally threatened to throw him out.

You slide a glass bottle of Coca-Cola down the length of the bar to Lee and he grinds his teeth slightly. The sugar was always his temporary fix. You also sent down his way a small bowl of roasted peanuts, feeling bad for the mess of a man.

“She’s gonna leave me anyways,” he grumbles and you shake your head, picking up on his attempts to illicit sympathy to coax you into giving him a drop of anything.

“Stop giving her a reason to Lee,” you point out, gesturing with your hands to emphasize that he was in the same small bar on the edge of town he always wandered into on weeknights. He’d tell Janie he was on duty but he’d really be down in this little box of a building getting drunk as a stunk.

“She’s the one who gone and cheated,” Lee said in an angry tone, not towards you, just at his situation. “That Miller fellow living a few miles down from me. I see his truck parked outside my house plenty of times to know he’s not just being neighborly.”

“I’m sorry Lee,” you say with a genuine tone of sympathy. You felt for him and his pain. You knew the stress of the job he led and the pain of knowing the love of your life don’t love you.

“She’s going to leave me,” he says, staring intently at the condensation on the bottle in front of him. “I’d been trying so hard for her and our marriage and she’s two timing with the neighbor when I’m out working.”

“And the thing is I don’t even care if she cheated,” Lee continued, “I’d look the other way if I knew she’d be staying with me. But it’s cause I know she don’t love me anymore. That’s what’s hurting me most.”

“Maybe y’all can work through this-“

“This was inevitable,” he says, cutting you off. You don’t point it out, cause he’s clearly distressed but normally you’d have no problem saying to Lee ‘Fuck you, let me finish Sheriff.’

“Do you got somebody?” Lee asks you. The question takes you back cause it wasn’t like the Sheriff to ask your about anything personal. He would come in, and you’d shoot the shit, exchange small talk, maybe some harmless flirting for a larger tip, but that was the extent of it.

“No, not anymore,” you say, having recently broke things off with your boyfriend. “I was seeing Arvin Russell for a couple months, but we just broke it off.”

“You’re too good for him anyways,” the sheriff scoffed at the mention of the Russell boy and took another swing from his bottle of pop. “How old are you anyways, sweetheart?”

“Twenty-one,” you respond, not thinking too much about the nickname. He had a habit of frequently using names like that when he talked to the women in this town. You think it started out as a tactic to win re-election and then it just stuck. He nodded.

“Yeah you two are around the same age,” he said, more so thinking out loud than it being a statement directed towards you. “Why’d you break it off?”

“Beat up my brother,” you answered, “Granted, the little shit had it coming. Can’t blame Arvin after I heard how the asshole was bothering that sweet thing Lenora. But he just took it too far. Almost killed the kid. The boy saw red so I got myself out of the picture. You can’t be with a boy who does that to your kin.”

Lee nodded understandingly. You didn’t interpret his actions or questions as genuine concern or interest in you, but that he was just asking you questions to distract from his marital woes.

“I’d do so many things different if I could be your age again,” he chuckled in a self-deprecating tone. “I’d sure as hell love to turn back time and have myself go down a better path.”

“It’s not just you, Sheriff,” you reply after collecting money another man sitting at the bar. You nod as a goodbye to the man, and then curse under your breath when he doesn’t tip you. “Asshole,” you mumble, tossing the few pennies into the tip jar. You walk back over to the sheriff and prop your elbows on the bar. “I’m sure everyone is this town wishes the same thing,” you say, trying to make him feel better.

“I’d love to just be your age again,” he says with a sigh, and then pops a small handful of the peanuts in his mouth. “Young, got your whole life ahead of you.”

“I’m not sure working in a place like this is setting me up for great things, Sheriff,” you chuckle moving to wipe the bar in the area where that other customer left. “A woman working as a bartender is equivalent to just being a whore according to the eyes of the Lord... at least in this town,” you laugh, using the towel from your apron to wipe the rings left behind on the countertop from the glasses.

“Arvin didn’t think so,” Lee countered, trying to make you feel a little better about your position. “I don’t think so. Hell, people in this town are so uptight about things that aren’t their business. You’re young, you need a job and you have one. It’s that simple.”

“I wish more people in this town thought that way,” you reply with a smile. “That new preacher last Sunday-“

“Don’t listen to that asshole,” the Sheriff scoffed, and chuckled when your eyes widened at his derogatory words towards the preacher. “He’s a showboating son of a bitch and he’s as phony as they come.”

“Those ruffled shirts are the most pretentious thing I ever seen,” you say, letting out a big laugh thinking about when he is giving a sermon in what looks like tacky prom attire.

“Pay him no mind,” Lee said, bringing the bottle to his grinning lips as he looked at you. “You’re a better person than he is.”

“I appreciate the sentiment,” you chuckle.

“Have a goodnight hunny,” another customer at the bar says dropping cash on the table as they leave. “Goodnight Sheriff,” the older man tips his hat and then walks out.

“Have a goodnight Marvin,” you call after him, “Give my love to Loretta!” You clear the empty glass and drop the cash off in the register.

While you’re moving around, Lee takes a moment to actually look at you. Any man with eyes knew you were pretty, but he ain’t never noticed before just how attractive you were. His eyes lingered for a moment at how the canvas waist apron extenuated your figure. He couldn’t believe this stunning young thing was stuck in a place like this with a dead end job talking to a deadbeat like him.

“How long you staying for Sheriff?” You ask suddenly, pulling him out of his trance.

“Uh, not sure,” he says, looking up at the dingy Luger Beer clock that hung on the wall. “Why sugar?”

“Seeing as though your sober I was hoping I could trouble you for a ride home?” You ask shyly.

“Of course,” he said without hesitation. “No trouble at all honey.”

“Thank you, Lee,” you say with a smile, making his heart skip a beat.

He’d talk to you most weeknights and never had this feeling. Maybe he had but he was too wrapped up in his own troubles to notice it. You were such a sweet girl, and he realized what an injustice it truly was for you to be stuck here.

The thought crossed his mind very quickly about if he wasn’t married- even though he knew divorce was coming around the corner any day now. If he had met you at a different time in his life if it would’ve been better. Instead of meeting you as an overweight, deadbeat of a sheriff which a drinking problem- he’d met you when he was fresh out of school, same age you are now. You all coulda fallen in love, started a family, and that would’ve been enough to keep him from taking up drinking in the first place.

He knew from the beginning Janie ain’t ever loved him. Hell, he’s not sure if he ever loved her thinking back on the whole relationship. Lustful, without any sort of promise behind it and they both were users. They used each other. He knew he treated her poorly as poorly as she treated him. He definitely had loved her, that much he knew was true, but now she’s cheating- something Lee never thought of doing at all no matter how many fights they had until the early morning hours.

As you maneuvered around behind the bar, locking up the liquor and wiping down the machines getting ready to lock up for the night, his mind played little tricks on him. The canvas apron was instead a pinafore, and the bar was his kitchen. He’d loved the sight, thinking about coming home to you instead of what was soon to just be an empty house.

Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he’d even be the one to keep his house. The idea of finding a new house- buying one for you, and being able to start over sounded like a dream life. Hell, he’d run away from this town right now if you said the word. He’s sure he could secure an election in another town, he had the connections to make it happen.

“I just got to lock up the office and I’ll be ready to go,” you say, untying your apron. He gulps and nods as confirmation. You disappear in the back room, cash drawer in your arms to lock away in the safe. He heads behind the bar to dispose of his empty bottle and the cardboard tray his peanuts were in.

You come back, your peacoat buttoned and the sash tied around your waist in a bow you had made. You had a small handbag in one hand, and your work apron in the other. Suddenly, he was nervous and didn’t know how to carry himself around you. Undeniably, the Sheriff was developing a crush. He couldn’t shake the feeling. He wanted to ask you out on a proper date, but he knew with his age and reputation- it wouldn’t be fitting. He was moving way too fast in his own mind to keep up with. Just daydreams, he thought to himself, suppressing the thoughts of a future with you for now.

“Okay,” you said, giving the place one more once over to make sure it was all set. “That does it.”

“After you,” he said, holding the door open for you. You giggled, and once you both were outside, you used your key to lock the front door. He held the door open for you to take the passenger seat in the cruiser. As you buckled your seatbelt, he walked over to the driver’s side and then slide into his seat.

You were a little nervous. You weren’t sure why. This wasn’t the first time you’d asked for a ride home. Usually, it’s never this late. When you close, you usually walk home alone. You definitely didn’t live that far, but again that was more dangerous than getting a ride home.

You realized that you were worried about nothing. You thought maybe some would accuse you of something scandalous, getting a ride home from a man so late. However, this was the Sheriff and the streets didn’t have another car on it at all. The town knew where you worked and if anyone were to see you, they’d know you were closing shift and you asked for a ride to avoid walking home this late alone.

“Thank you again,” you said, starting up a conversation as the sheriff was backing out of the tiny lot that was next to the bar.

“Oh, don’t mention it, hun,” he said, “It’s my job to make sure you get home safe. Your house is the white one at the end of Birch?”

“The very one,” you say, looking out the window. There aren’t any street lights, and the only light for miles is coming from the headlights of the cruiser. You don’t catch Lee stealing glances at you as he starts moving forward.

“How’s your ma doing?” He asks, making conversation.

“Oh, she left,” you said nonchalantly, and it makes Lee’s eyebrow raise in confusion.

“Wait. What?” He asks looking over at you for a second before turning his eyes back to the road.

“Oh, I thought you would’ve heard,” you say softly, your façade of indifference torn down. “She left us about a month ago. Met a man from Columbus and moved in with him. The whole town was talking about it for weeks.”

“So, is it just you and Tommy now?” he asks, wondering what kind of a mother leaves her girl to take care of her high school aged brother on what she makes at the bar.

“Oh, he went with her,” you explain, “House is all mine. After the whole thing with Arvin, she decided to pull him out of school and he goes to school in Columbus now. She wasn’t gonna bring him but after that, she changed her mind.”

“They just left you?”

“I chose to stay.”

“No offense but why would the hell would you chose to do that?” he jokes, making you laugh a little.

“It’s all paid off, and my grandpa left it to me and not her anyways,” you explain. “House has been in my name for three years now. And if we sold the house, she’d just piss the money away. Besides, would you move back in your mother now, Sheriff?”

“No, I can’t say I would want to,” he chuckles.

“So, I’m just supporting myself and that ain’t too bad,” you shrug.

“Sounds lonely,” he comments and you nod in agreement.

“It can be,” you admit, as he turns down your street.

“You ain’t worried living alone?” He asks.

“You tell me, Sheriff,” you joke, “If I got something to worry about it sounds like you’re not doing your job.”

“Ouch,” he says and holds a hand clutching his hand to his heart dramatically. It made you laugh, and it made him smile that he made you laugh. God, he loved your laugh.

“Thank you again, Lee,” you say sincerely, quickly kissing his cheek when he parks in front of your house. The gesture takes him back, and he’s relieved you can’t see how red his face is. He’s almost angry at how flustered you make him and you have no idea. “Have a goodnight,” you say.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” he says, a little shakily. You get out of the car, and he watches you walk up to the porch, your hips swaying naturally, and he bites his lip. He groans, but at his disappointment in himself for staring again. You disappear behind the front door and he hits his palm on the steering wheel, trying to shake whatever feeling this was.

He reluctantly drove home, not wanting to have to talk or see Janie. He knew he was just heading home to a fight for being out so late, even though he knows she takes full advantage having fucking Miller over. His jaw is locked, angry about a fight he hasn’t even had with her yet. His cheek still tingles from your touch, and he thinks about if he should just leave Janie. He could just leave, get an apartment nearby or something. He doesn’t even care if she gets the damn house. He’s bracing himself for another night of fighting as he pulls into his own driveway and heading up to his own house.

He fumbles with his keys in the dark. He thinks he had the right one, but it doesn’t work. He tries another that is the same shape, still doesn’t work. He intakes a sharp breath and tries the first key again- he’s positive that’s his house key. “Fucking Christ,” he mutters when the key won’t even go into the lock. “Janie!” he shouts, pounding on the front door. She changed the locks.

“Fuck,” he exclaims, stomping down the front steps and walking around to the back door. He tries his keys again with no luck. He pounds into the door hard and incredibly loud. He knows she’s there, upstairs in their bed, ignoring his knocks. He tries the kitchen window, but it’s locked. Every window on the first floor is fucking locked. He curses again and heads back to his cruiser. He slams the door shut and his grip on the wheel is turning his knuckles white. Does she expect him to sleep in his car in the driveway?

He doesn’t even think about where he’s going to go, but he knows damn sure he’s not going to give her the satisfaction of sleeping outside of his house in his cop car for the whole town to talk about. He just pulls out of his driveway and starts driving. He isn’t even thinking about what route he’s driving, it’s like he’s driving on autopilot while he screams out every curse word in existence.

By the time he calms down, he realizes he’s driving down Birch again. His muscles in his body tense, and he thinks back to your conversation when he dropped you off. Your mother and brother were gone, meaning you have two spare bedrooms. He knows he shouldn’t but the temptation is way too overwhelming. He has nowhere else to go. If someone saw his car… well, he’d worry about that tomorrow. Your house is two miles away from your nearest neighbor, settled back at the end of a long dirt road. Someone knowing he was there was unlikely. He had people who could save your name. It was all innocent. Janie kicked him out and he knew you had an extra room. Hell, he’d rent a room from you- Wait. That’s perfect. That solved all of his problems and yours. He knows you were downplaying how hard it must be to keep up with the house and by him paying rent, you could take care of the house. It was a win-win.

He felt so confident now and he was so proud of himself for devising this plan. He parked his car out front and then walked up to your front door, knocking gently. The sound of the knock made him now incredibly nervous. He didn’t want to scare you or for you to think he was trying to take advantage. Granted, there would be a lot more than financial benefits to being able to live with you, which he knew were selfish, but the idea of being able to see you everyday was overwhelming. It was the closest thing to the dream he was wrapped up in back at the bar. He could live out his little pretend domestic bliss, and you’d get the money you need for the house. He knew he was insane and this was probably wildly inappropriate, but he knew you were too kind to turn him away.

You opened the door with a small yawn, a yellow bathrobe secured over your nightgown fully, to keep yourself decent when you answered the door. You were going to call the Sheriff when you heard the rapping at your door so late and ignore the knocks, but looking out the window of your bedroom you saw it was Lee’s cruiser parked outside.

“Lee?” you ask quietly, sleepiness very evident on your mumbled voice.

“Janie kicked me out,” he said softly, “Changed the locks on me. Darling, I’m so sorry for intruding but I have no where else to go.”

“Come in,” you say sympathetically, the news waking you up quite a bit. “Lee, I’m so sorry. You can take my mom’s old room; it’s got an attached bathroom you can use too.”

“Thank you (Y/N),” he says quietly. You close the door and secure the lock and the chain again as he looks around the house.

“Don’t worry about it,” you insist. “I can take you there. Follow me.”

You walk up the stairs, Lee following closely behind and he’s ashamed that he took the opportunity to just openly check you out again. At the top of the stairs there was a hallway lined with photographs in mismatched frames. You point to the door at the end of the hall.

“That’s the master,” you explain, “There’s a bathroom attached inside if you want to clean up or anything. There’re clothes in the dresser if you want pajamas- should be in the bottom drawer.”

“Okay, thank you,” he replies, looking down at you as you yawn again, and he notices how your hair is a little messy. The sight drives him wild.

“Anything in the kitchen is up for the taking to,” you offer.

“Look, (Y/N),” he says, “I know this isn’t the best time to be talking about this, but I really need a more permanent plan on where to go. I know it sounds crazy and out of the blue, but could I rent that room from you? Name your price. I figured… I really need a new place, and you could probably use another source of income to keep up with the house. Plus, it’s safer than living alone…”

“Um…,” you begin to speak, but you bit your lip, showing that you’re intently thinking about his offer. Everything he said was right. You needed the money, and he was right that living alone was dangerous in this town and living with the sheriff is the safest person there was in the whole town. People would talk, of course, but no one would deny that the circumstances were just ideal for the two of you and nothing more. You were an adult, a homeowner, and it was your business who you rented a room too. “Yeah, I think that makes sense for both of us,” you agree. “We’ll sort out the details tomorrow.”

“Of course,” he says with a smile.

“Alright, um,” you say crossing your arms around your chest awkwardly. “Goodnight, Lee.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” Lee responds as you head back into your own bedroom. He let’s out a heavy sigh and heads into your mom’s room- or rather his new room. He’d have to figure out how to get his stuff back from Janie tomorrow. He’d really just need his clothes and some other necessities.

The room was fairly spacious. There was a closet and dresser. The closet still had some clothes of your mom’s left behind, and for the most part, the room looked fairly intact. It was like she up and left with just a few things. Lee shook his head, angry at how poorly you were treated by your mother. He pulls off his leather jacket, tossing it and his hat onto the bed. He opened up the bottom drawer of the dresser, and just like you said, it was filled with men’s clothing. He concluded they had to belong to the man your mom lived with now, more things just left behind.

He tosses a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt onto the bed, and then he heads to the bathroom.

In the drawer beside the sink, he finds a new toothbrush still in its packaging, that he opens for himself and drops it in the white toothbrush holder on the counter. The towels are all clean and folded neatly on the shelf above the toilet. He finds a new soap under the sink as well, and decided he needed a shower to just wash off everything of tonight off in hopes he’ll feel better.

He strips of his uniform, folding it nicely knowing he’ll need to wear it all again tomorrow morning. He steps into the shower and turns on the water. The hot water just immediately helps him to loosen the muscles that had been so tense. He lets the warm water run down his face and back, just letting himself enjoy the feeling. He lathers up his body with soap and then it finally hits him that he was here, living with you, and then suddenly he’s hard.

“Fuck,” he mutters, resting his head against the shower wall, the running down his back. He was in so much trouble he realizes. As he beats himself off in the shower, his mind is clouded with thoughts of you. The way the apron at the bar looked around your hips, and the smell of your perfume when you leaned into him. The way your body looked as you paraded yourself around behind the bar. The way you have no problem talking back to him when he walks into the bar after saying he’s off the bottle the night before, just making want to shut you up with a rough kiss. The feeling of your lips on his cheek and he imagines your lips on his neck. He thinks about how your hair looked tousled when you just showed him to his room. He lets himself slip back into that same domestic daydream. You being his wife… married to you instead dealing with this goddamn divorce. The absolute sickening sweet domesticity making him groan, as he imagines his hand is yours. Why on earth did he think he’d be able to do this?

PART TWO

#lee bodecker #the devil all the time #lee bodecker imagine #lee bodecker fic #lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker x you #lee bodecker x y/n #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #lee bodecker smut #sebastian stan one shot #sebastian stan characters #lee bodecker x reader smut #angst #smut

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norahastuff · 3 years

Note

penny for your thoughts on salmondean codependency ?

Sure. Fair warning it’s long (was longer but I stopped myself.)

I think it’s complicated in a show that’s had so many different showrunners because they’ve all handled Sam and Dean’s relationship very differently. In Kripke’s era (s1-5) there was a romanticization of the bond. Sure there was a lot of in-depth exploration of how they wound up at the place they were at, spoiler alert: it was all because of John and his obsessive crusade to find the demon that killed his wife. That’s all he cared about and as a result, Sam and Dean had to be everything to each other. But Kripke had no intention of dismantling that at any point because he was (and always had been) writing a tragedy. Gamble continued that too. There was no room for anyone else in their lives and it would always just be the two of them against the world. So Cas had to go. Bobby had to go.

(Actually, it's funny because Gamble didn't intend this at the time, her plan was to kill Cas off, but by Edlund creating the masterpiece that is The Man Who Would Be King, he not only saved Cas from being seen as a villain, but he also deepened Dean and Cas' relationship in such a profound way and inextricably linked the two of them emotionally. And since Cas was eventually brought back, that laid the foundation for a lot of what their relationship would become.)

Up until this point, there hadn’t really been any significant dismantling of perhaps the more unhealthy parts of Sam and Dean’s relationship. Enter Carver. He stripped things down and started to explore what drove these characters. What they wanted and why they couldn’t have it. It starts with Dean being mad at Sam for not looking for him in purgatory, which sets up the whole speech in the s8 finale of Sam’s guilt about letting Dean down, but the thing is, Dean was never honest with Sam about his year away either. He never told Sam he could have gotten out much sooner if he hadn’t stayed to find Cas. I mean Dean had assumed Sam was up there alone doing God knows what to try to bring him back, and yet still he stayed in Purgatory because things were clear there. He needed Cas. Anyway, I just find that interesting, but Cas isn’t a victim of Sam and Dean’s relationship in s8.

Who gets the honour of being cast aside? That would be Benny and Amelia, two characters they introduced in s8 specifically to highlight that Sam and Dean’s relationship doesn’t allow for anyone else to be a significant part of their life. I mean that’s nothing new, we’ve watched that happen many times before. Lisa even said as much to Dean. The thing is this time? It’s framed as a truly sad thing. That moment at the end of 8x10 when Dean has just ended things with Benny and Sam leaves Amelia, and they’re sitting alone drinking beer and watching tv is such a hollow empty moment. This is not what they want. But it’s the way things have to be.

I’m actually fascinated by Sam and Dean’s conversation in the church in the s8 finale. Not so much Dean’s assertion that there is no one else he would put before Sam, but more so what provokes it, which is Sam saying “who are you going to turn to instead of me. Another angel? Another vampire?” See the thing is Dean saying he would always put Sam first is not news. We know this and it’s not really an unhealthy statement in itself either. A lot of people would put their sibling above anything else, not less a sibling who you raised and is the most important person to you. But in this context? After what Sam said? It just highlights how unhealthy they are if Sam believes that Dean having other people in his life means he doesn’t love him enough. That he’s a disappointment to him. That’s so profoundly fucked up.

(Note, Dean tells Sam that he killed Benny for him but he doesn’t say anything about Cas. I think like I said before, this is because Cas and Dean’s relationship has largely existed out of the Sam and Dean stuff up to this point - Sam and Cas don’t even really have much of a relationship yet besides both of their connections to Dean.)

And then from here, things start getting steadily worse. But we also keep being shown how bad they are. Dean lying to Sam, taking away his free will by letting Gadreel possess him. Dean sending Cas away, Kevin dying. It’s all awful. The whole “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you line” from 9x01 isn’t really said by Dean, it’s Gadreel, but that is how Dean feels. He does think that’s all he’s good for. And over the season we’re shown how much of himself and what he truly wants he’s had to give up because of his ingrained “Save Sammy” and “Sammy comes first” mentality. It’s always been this way for him. In 9x07 we see that he had found a happy home, a good father figure, and his first love, a first love might I add that he had to leave behind with no real explanation because Sam needed him, and Sam comes first.

I mean just one episode earlier we had him rushing out the door elated about seeing Cas and spending time with him, only for their time together to come to sad and melancholic end when Dean once again leaves Cas behind without any real explanation, because despite what he wants Sammy comes first. What he wants doesn’t matter.

See I think after the Gadreel stuff comes out is where the narrative starts to get a little wonky for me. You can clearly see that this was intended to be a shorter story that they ended up stretching out to a much longer one because of renewals. There’s also the fact that this is a formula show so they can’t necessarily be separated for longer than an episode or two. S10 is a rough one to get through at times, I think the themes still mostly hold up but it’s a rough one to get through.

S10 highlights all the connections that Dean has, Cas, Charlie, Crowley even, but Sam doesn’t really have those bonds in the same way. For Sam it’s just Dean, so he goes down a reckless destructive “do anything to save Dean!” path and so many innocents pay the price, and ultimately with the release of The Darkness, the whole world.

They skirted right up to the edge of exploring just how toxic and dangerous their relationship had become in the season 10 finale.

DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A..a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world.

I can’t say evil is the right word, they were never evil, but they were wilfully blind to everything and everyone else when it came to saving each other. S10 tested my love for the show because after watching it, because there was certainly a feeling that the two of them had become the villains of this story. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a problem with that, it’s just after 2 seasons of this I can’t say I had a lot of faith that this was going to be properly addressed or if we were going to keep going in circles around it. Keep being shown, it’s bad and then nothing much being done to fix it. Your mileage may vary on how it was handled, but I think s11 did a relatively ok job considering it wasn’t the end of the story, and the show needed to keep going.

See from Dean’s side a lot of the codependency rests on 1. His father’s orders to always save Sammy 2. His low self-esteem where he sees himself as nothing but a blunt instrument. 3. His guilt at not being able to perfectly fulfil every familial role in Sam’s life 4. His belief that no one could choose to love him but family has to love you. 5. The unhealthy example of what it should look like to love someone that he got from John. You give up everything but them.

For Sam (and honestly it’s not as clear for me as Dean’s side is so feel free to correct me/disagree on this) 1. Everytime he’s tried to leave and create his own life it’s never ended well. 2. His guilt over wanting freedom and a normal life when he was younger (I’m referring specifically to Stanford era here) 3. His guilt over everything Dean has given up for him. 4. John. 5. Jess.

Ultimately it all comes down to isolation. They both had to be everything to each other, and the deeper they got into this fight, the more people that they lost, the tighter they clung to this notion of family and brothers. I think s11 (and 11x23 in particular) was an important turning point, both for Sam and Dean’s relationship, as well as for them as individuals. Because they weren’t alone there anymore. Cas was there. Sam let Dean walk to his death. Of course, it would devastate him, but he knew it was what had to be done. And he didn’t walk out of that bar and go back to the bunker alone. He had Cas, he had someone who cared about him and wanted to help him and talk to him. Sure Dean asked Cas to take care of Sam for him (you know after Cas offered to walk to his death with him) but Sam let him. He let him be there for him. We didn’t get to see much before the BMOL showed up and blasted Cas away, but still, we saw enough.

I think that’s a significant difference to note why their relationship was different in the Dabb era. It wasn’t just them anymore. Cas was an important member of their family and given a level of importance he’d never been given before and couldn’t have been when the story they were telling was of the dangers of their codependency. Mary was back. Eventually, Jack would become a part of their unit too. Just the two of them wasn’t enough for them anymore. This is made abundantly clear with all of Dean’s desperate attempts to get Cas to stay in s12, followed by his inability to keep going when they lose Cas and Mary in s13. Similarly, Sam really struggles when they lose Jack and fail to get Mary back later in the season.

Another big moment is Dean letting Sam go alone to lead the hunters against the BMOL in 12x22 while he stays back to try and reach Mary. Like he tells Mary, he’s had to be a brother, a father and a mother to Sam and he never stopped seeing him as his kid, but in that moment he makes a choice. He lets Sam take charge and he shows that he trusts him and believes in him. He knows he can handle it.

Sometimes it’s not even a character growth thing. Sometimes having other people there stops you from making destructive choices even though that’s still your first instinct. I’m thinking specifically of 13x21 after Sam was killed. Dean would have run headlong into that nest of vampires and got himself torn apart, but Cas was there to stop him. He was able to make him see reason.

Basically, I think that for a long time, they thought the only relationship they could have was each other, which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy because their desperate attempts to keep each other around led to them losing the people around them. They eventually started to learn that that wasn’t true, they could have more, they were allowed to want more, and that it wasn’t an either-or situation. Dean didn’t have to choose between Sam and Cas. They didn’t have to choose between each other or Jack. The same goes for Mary. Different relationships can coexist without threatening each other, and not say that their relationship in s12-15 was all smooth sailing, but it was certainly so very different from everything that came before.

(There’s maybe a point to be made about how they didn’t have anyone or anything in the finale and how that relates to the story we got, but honestly I have no idea what the intention was with any of the choices made in that episode so I’ll leave it at that for now.)

#asks #winchester brothers #my spn thoughts #long post for ts #Anonymous #spn meta

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bleachhaven · 3 years

Text

Soutaicho’s Secret Admirer (Shunsui x Reader) — Part 5/6

Author’s Note:

It should be noted that this story is almost coming to a close...I’m sad to stop writing about Shunsui but it’s time to wrap this one up. So there’s maybe 1 or 2 more parts left.

Warning: A bit of smut ahead. One can only be seduced endlessly for so long without something happening about it.

–

Read Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3 and Part 4 first!

Uncharacteristically, Shunsui was late to arrive at the office. It was almost ten in the morning when he finally strolled in. Nanao would have admonished him without a thought but the dark circles beneath his eyes revealed he had already had a terrible night. She didn’t want to make it a terrible morning as well.

Shunsui didn’t have the excuse of drunken debauchery at some late night party for his tardiness. The last party he’d been to had been Lisa-chan’s Valentine’s Day celebration and that was over two weeks ago.

It was more or less about how his loneliness and melancholy had kept him up late into the night. Something he definitely didn’t want to burden sweet Nanao-chan about.

He had found himself strolling randomly in seireitei at around three in the goddamn morning because simply staying in his bed staring at his ceiling felt impossible. He didn’t have these kind of difficult nights too often but when he did have them, they were quite terrible.

Sure, he missed Juu. But his loneliness was a bit more than that this time.

It has been over two weeks since he had received anything from his beloved Secret Admirer. Fourteen whole days of complete silence from her was quite unusual, and he felt it acutely. Where was she?

The darkest of thoughts had plagued him at night. What if she was sent on a dangerous mission? What if she had been injured? He hated to think it...but what if she was never coming back? Hadn’t he honestly lost enough?

The thoughts spiraled as the evening progressed into the wee hours of the morning, growing darker and more melancholy.

He knew he was not the greatest catch in the Soul Society. That title fell to Byakuya, uncontested. Shunsui was older than everyone in seireitei - a thousand years too old, he’d say. He was nobility too but he wasn’t one to truly fit into that mould, which deterred most noblewomen from considering him.

He wasn’t what one would call conventionally handsome either. He knew he wasn’t ugly...but he wasn’t exactly...whole. Not anymore. Maybe once he would have held some appeal and he had many lovers who thought him handsome enough to have a tumble with him... but the eyepatch never failed to remind him that he was never going to be good looking, by anyone’s standards, with a goddamn hole in his face.

Most days, none of this would honestly bother him. But last night it did.

His beloved Secret Admirer probably came to the conclusion that he wasn’t worth all the trouble after all. Surely, there had to be a reason why he had never been able to have a long term relationship. He blamed it on his job but...was that all it was? Maybe he was just not meant to have a happily ever after with someone.

As romantic as he was, he didn’t really believe in the concept of happily ever after. He knew relationships were work. It was a commitment between two people who cared about each other to work on staying together through whatever. With time, he had put any thoughts of a relationship on the back burner. With his duty to the Gotei 13, and his responsibilities as well as the added burden of maintaining his reputation as the Soutaicho...it was a practical choice.

But his Secret Admirer had made him want. Had made him yearn for a happily ever after for himself in a way he never had before.

He wanted to be loved and cherished as much as he wanted to love and cherish that one special person in his life. But did he really deserve it?

He knew it was her silence that had his latent insecurities rising to the surface keeping him up at night.

So as sleep deprived as he was, he came to the office with a plan. He couldn’t bear her silence anymore so he was not going to. With everything that had come up in the office, he hadn’t been able to finish up the letter he had started to write to her. At that time, it had felt futile considering there was no way to send it to her.

But he had a brilliant idea. He would have it published in the next installment of the Seireitei Communication including just enough information so that she would know it’s him while withholding enough details to still keep it anonymous. He could trust Hisagi-kun to be discreet.

He had a plan, and it could actually work!

If only he could actually find that bit of lavender paper he had left on his desk.

“Nanao-chan, did you remove anything from my desk by any chance?” he asked, opening up drawers and bending down to check under the desk.

Nanao looked up from the training schedule she was working on. “Nothing more than the usual paperwork. Why what have you lost now?” she asked with an overexaggerated sigh.

“My, my, Nanao-chan. You make it sound like I lose things on a daily basis.”

“The only thing lost on a daily basis around here is my sanity,” she said, rolling her eyes. Still she relented. A distressed Taicho always meant a distressed Nanao. “Fine. Describe it to me and I will tell you if I saw it anywhere.”

“It was nothing official. Just a bit of lavender paper I had been writing on…” he trailed off seeing the look on her face. “What? Did you see it?”

“You lost the letter you were writing to you Secret Admirer?” she asked.

“Nanao-chan! How did you…?”

“You forget, Taicho,” she said quite matter of factly. “There’s nothing that goes on here I don’t know about. But I haven’t seen it. Maybe it got mixed up in some paperwork and got sent to another division. I don’t think anyone would recognize your flowery handwriting which you reserve for your personal correspondence anyway. So nothing to worry about.”

Shunsui simply stared at her. He has known his little fuktaicho for too long to not notice that something was off. All this time, he thought she was just laughing at his expense because he was mooning over someone he didn’t even know. But now...that look...the way she said it without even having to think about it...it all felt fishy somehow. Nanao-chan was up to something.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” she huffed, correcting the papers on her desk that didn’t need correcting. A nervous habit that always gave her away. “If you don’t have any serious work, I have a pile of forms…”

“You know perfectly well who it is, don’t you, Nanao-chan?” he interrupted her attempts to distract him.

“I don’t know what you’re…”

“Please, Nanao-chan. It’s perfectly obvious you know exactly what I am talking about. Just...tell me…” he said.

He was so serious and intent. Nanao had only ever seen him like that in the heat of the worst kind of battle. She dropped her pretenses as well.

“She and I have both left enough breadcrumbs for you as it is. So if you’re so desperate to know who she is, why don’t you do the work to actually find out?” she asked him. “Clearly the girl cares about you but is terrified to approach you. Who wouldn’t be considering who you are and the position you hold. She is a nice girl, Taicho. But as things stand, she wouldn’t be the one to approach you so maybe you should find out for yourself who she is and do the approaching.”

So Nanao did indeed know who his Secret Admirer was. He understood her reasons why she couldn’t tell him. It wasn’t really her secret to divulge. Shunsui had to respect that despite his desperation.

“Is my sweet Nanao-chan giving her taicho dating advice?” he teased instead.

“Yes, I am,” she declared with a raised brow. “For even I can see how far you’ve fallen that you need advice from me to get yourself a date!”

Shunsui gasped, buying into the friendly teasing. “Nanao-chan is so mean to her taicho!”

Finally, they both got back to work, but Shunsui’s mind was still thinking about what Nanao had said. Apparently breadcrumbs were laid out and he hadn’t even noticed! He clearly had to pay more attention.

He tried to outline the facts in his mind.

The letters were always lemon scented. It could be a shampoo or some kind of scented cream...but it smelled fresh, almost as if unintentional. Something to further ponder upon.

The gifts were always elaborate but simple and he hadn’t been able to trace it through any vendor. The chocolates were handmade so his little Secret Admirer was probably very good with cooking and baking.

The handwriting was very distinctive as well. Especially the way she looped all her Ls and Bs with a distinctive flowy curve.

So far, the facts didn’t fit well into place to identify her as anyone he knew...but somehow, it felt like it was just barely within reach now. As if it’s only missing one final puzzle piece for the whole thing to come together.

That night, sleep evaded him once more. He couldn’t deny it. He missed her! He couldn’t help but wishing that she was right next to him, romancing him with more than just her words. He wished he could cherish her in all the ways he desperately yearned to.

He took the letters he kept at hand in the drawer of his bedside table. He found that he liked to read them sometimes, and no matter how many times he read her words, they still managed to make him feel things. The shape of her words, the texture of the paper...it comforted him.

However, the sensual seductive ones were his downfall.

With all the time he has been alive, and all the experience he’s had, one would think he would be able to resist the temptation. But he often couldn’t.

Reading those letters, describing how she wanted to make love under the moonlight or how she yearned to taste him...it had him imagining soft feminine hands touching him. His hand would unconsciously reach into his hakama of its own volition and grasp his manhood, wondering what it would feel like to be touched by someone who ardently wanted to please him.

It wouldn’t take him too long at all. He would cum, gasping into the empty bedroom, wishing he had a name he could moan. Wishing she was here for him to hold.

Sated, he’d finally fall asleep. Yet though his body was satisfied, his mind wasn’t. He couldn’t help but feel alone on this big empty bed.

That coveted final piece of the puzzle arrived as, of all things, more paperwork. He was mindlessly flipping through some reports after lunch the next day when it popped out at him like well-lit beacon.

It wasn’t anything special. Just a request for more funds to be allocated for a better training ground for the 13th division. Except it was filled out by his beloved Secret Admirer. The handwriting screamed her identity at him, looping Ls and Bs and all.

“_____-san,” he whispered to himself, wondering how he could have missed it.

Suddenly, everything was perfectly crystal clear.

Everyone knew that while Kuchiki Rukia settled in enough to pick her own fuktaicho, the 3rd seat of the 13th was acting in that role in an unofficial capacity, putting her in-charge of all the paperwork coming and going from that division. A reason why she was always showing up at the 1st...giving her ample opportunities to learn his habits well enough to leave behind those delightful missives without ever getting caught.

The lemon scent was from all the lemonade he knew she made for her division and for some special occasions in the seireitei. It was her specialty, a way of creating comfort and homeliness for her subordinates. He had tasted her chocolates twice - once at the Valentine’s Day party itself and then when she gifted them to him specifically. Both facts which had been pointed out by Nanao-chan while _____-san stood right next to him. No wonder she had flushed red then. It hadn’t been out of embarrassment but possibly from thinking she might get caught. The little minx.

He couldn’t help but remember every encounter he had with her in the recent past. Her cute blushes...the way she gasped out “Soutaicho!” Come to think of it, every time he saw her, he felt like she almost called him Shunsui out of habit only to change it to his official title at the last minute. He even recalled the twinkle in her eyes every time she looked up at him.

He couldn’t believe it. He finally knew who his Secret Admirer was and she’d been right before his eyes, had he only known where to look. He couldn’t help smiling, thinking about all the ways he would get back at her for running him around in circles. He would torture her so, so deliciously…

“You have that dopey smile on your face. Should I be worried?” Nanao asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Hmm…? Of course not, Nanao-chan,” he said, not really reassuring her at all. “I am heading out. Be back soon!”

“Taicho!” she called out but he was already gone.

...to be continued.

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no-droids · 3 years

Note

Ch 17 was so, so, so good (thank you!!) 🥺 i am still processing. ((Edit: this turned into an essay so i Am Very Sorry in advance, there is a tldr at the end though))

First of all. We get to see Din going through it the same way sweet girl was a couple chapters ago and I love it! She’s been so clear from the start that she doesn’t want to run away from him and now Din’s getting to the point where he doesn’t want to chase her anymore because he just wants her to be physically there with him again. The second night of comms while she’s camped out at the orphanage?? “I thought this was going to be alright, but I hate it.” ??????????? i am a Puddle of Emotions no one look at me 😭

And then the way he’s so unsure about whether she hasnt begun to reconsider wanting to keep up with his bounty-hunter life now that she’s finally gotten a break if being forced to outrun a mandalorian can be really even be called a break for the first time in a year?? And he can SEE all the places she’s stopped to talk to people on this planet (his comment about the number of times the blond guy turned around to talk to her in the line? 🥺.) Din knows she’s enjoying these small encounters with people, getting to interact with a new planet and learn new things as she’s making her way through each place, and since they’re only talking at night he gets to think about it literally all day long as he follows her trail and tries to figure out what her plan is. This is truly an exercise in Din thinking nonstop about sweet girl (which ofc he does already, but like, thinking critically about what she thinks/wants/does/needs and why) and I feel like that’s causing him to slowly start to second guess himself in terms of where he would put himself on sweet girl’s list of priorities. And I wonder how much of this he’s actually considering for the first time? because it’s always him who leaves and comes back when he gets jobs — this is the first time that sweet girl has left him instead of the other way around. Sweet girl has had tons of time to think about these things, whereas Din hasn’t really had to... because it’s not the one who leaves who feels the absence most, it’s the one who’s left behind (even if just temporarily).

I can just picture Din’s increasing doubts as the chase keeps going, whether he’s worth putting up with his lifestyle and whether sweet girl wouldn’t rather have a life like the people he sees in the footprints around hers? because he knows her, knows she likes soft beds and meeting people and fresh fruit and beautiful scenery, which are all things that living on the razor crest can’t always provide except for the last one bc Din Djarin IS beautiful scenery let’s be clear and just. the ANGST. I cannot. ( a n d meanwhile sweet girl is having a breakdown thinking he wants to STOP looking and LEAVE her? As if)

So when she shuts down his tentative doubts about it on the second night she’s at the orphanage and Din starts asking questions about favorite animals and flowers and things?? 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I lost it. Din is mirroring the love and care he receives from sweet girl (and learning to tap into those emotions as he does) and I am just in awe of both his character development from ch 1 to here and your ability to show that gradual shift in your writing.

Tl;dr thank you very much for this latest chapter! I will continue to be a soft emotional little puddle for the foreseeable future, or at least until I can figure out to scrape myself off the floor and function like a human being who has not just read rough day ch 17 and promptly dissolved as a direct result🌻

okay

okay first of all ma’am/sir/friend, please do not put tl;dr’s on a fucking MASTERFUL DISSECTION LIKE THAT like I genuinely hope people read every word of what you have written because you’re so spot on about everything that I was almost taken aback JEJFJJDJFJF

I would like to say, and I need to do this in list form because you have presented so many beautiful points that I’d like to address them one by one,

1.) Din Djarin is used to being alone. Full stop. Like even with sweet girl helping out with the baby and agreeing to stay on the ship while he goes and grabs quarry, he’s gone for weeks sometimes. He is used to being by himself, to fending for himself, protecting himself, patching himself up, EVERYTHING by himself. He is the most independent self-sufficient driven bounty hunter Karga has on the payroll and he’s reliable, which is why Karga would give him four pucks at a time. Giving anyone else four pucks would mean that if they happened to die during their hunts, then more than one puck would be lost and that’s money down the drain. Din doesn’t die, he always comes back with all four bodies and he’s fucking quick about it. Him telling sweet girl “I thought this was gonna be alright” is apt, because he’s been able to exist without her and do good work while he knows she’s safe on the Crest. In fact, the only time he EVER didn’t do good work is when a) she was attacked on the Crest on Corellia, or b) when he desperately wanted to get back to her as quick as possible and he pushed himself too hard and put himself in danger (aka frozen on Hoth scene). And actually c) when he stole Grogu back from the empire and had Karga and the guild on his ass about it. Those were the only times Din had trouble doing his job. The only times he stopped looking and gave up. “I thought this was going to be alright, but I hate it” means that YES ABSOLUTELY DIN DJARIN DOES NOT LIKE STAYING PUT WHILE SHE LEAVES, even though he’s okay with going out and doing his job when she stays. Even though he’s still hunting, it’s like the roles have been reversed. She’s understanding his side, and he’s understanding her side. It’s been 4 days and he hates it, so imagine weeks or months of that. Not being able to move or chase after her either, just hanging out on the crest with Grogu and waiting to see if she’ll be able to make it back. Which

2.) makes it hurt just a lil more in that wonderful delicious angsty way when he actually asks if she wants this life. On Naboo, he didn’t know where she went or where the kid was—he didn’t know if they were in danger, if she was safe. He said he’d rip the galaxy apart to find her if she ever disappeared like that again. But... she’d be safe on Sanctuary II. This is different, and just like you said, he’s had multiple days where all he did was try to think like her. Get in her head, predict her. Understand her more than he’s ever attempted to do before, in a NECESSARY capacity, like he would a bounty he’s hunting. Din Djarin is used to being alone. He’s used to being silent and that’s how connections are severed before they can even be established. His only practice at empathy was through his job, a job that he is very very good at, but it was never enough to get him to stop looking. He would never be able to empathize enough to ask if the bounty wanted him to stop looking for them. Even with the baby, he turned him in at first and then let the guilt eat him alive before going back to save him. So, if you couple that with his true connection to sweet girl, the natural empathy he has for her and the kid (him immediately following her after he accidentally snapped at her on the Crest and apologizing) and Din is now TRULY beginning to understand her on a level he’s never experienced with another person

3.) BUT!!! Even though he “needed to ask” (meaning he understood enough to know that asking the question was necessary) he started out the entire conversation by admitting he doesn’t think he could do it. Before ever telling her what specifically he doesn’t think he could do, he already knows this about himself and says it flat out. I don’t think I could. Even if you asked me to, even if you said you’d be happier if I did, even if you told me right now that it’s what you wanted, I don’t think I could ever stop looking. And a lot of the turmoil he experiences is because of that. I make you sleep on the floor. I teach you to fight when you just want to look at waterfalls. I do all these things that you’d never willingly do yourself, and I’m a bad person BECAUSE I still want you to always be here with me in spite of all that.

4.) Meanwhile sweet girl just has no fucking clue all this is happening and it seems to come out of nowhere, all she knows is that he’s been in the city when he should’ve caught up to her days ago. She’s out experiencing things and meeting new people and yet she always comes back to Din and the baby and how much they should be here with her. She tries to come up with clever ways to outthink him but she also offers to give her coordinates to him practically every single night. Her wanting to be with him so bad but trying to hold out (“ask me again tomorrow”) while Din is also wanting to be with her so bad and also trying to hold out (“find her again tomorrow”) 🥺

So yeah basically in conclusion I love them together and they’re so different but they make each other somehow both stronger and softer in so many ways and yeah u mighta heard of DD/LG u kinky fucks but lemme present to u DD/SG

#ask #anon #I am so sorry I rambled so long jshdjdjdjddh #rough day spoilers

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stxleslyds · 3 years

Text

Robin Jason, a friend and ally of the Titans.

PART 1.

Last Friday I was feeling extra rage-y after the news about the Titans mini with the Titans show line-up of heroes. I still think that a) Jason shouldn’t be considered a Titan or be in the team as Red Hood and b) that him going back to wearing a bat symbol on his chest is just bad but as @randomlut said there is a possibility of that book not being set in DC’s current universe and if that’s the case then okay, I will not complain about it anymore.

But this post isn’t about that Titans book it’s about Jason’s Robin’s appearances in volume two of the New Teen Titans!

Now, this won’t be an in-depth review of those issues from a story point of view, it will be a post in which I talk about Jason’s characterization and interactions with the Titans. Maybe I will even dive a little bit into why I think that the interactions that Jason and Roy have in those issues makes the relationship that they had in New52 very out of place.

Let’s begin!

· NTT (1984) #19

Jason as Robin appears here only in the last page of the issue. After the current team of the Titans appears to be falling apart Donna calls Jason and others to help in a mission, this team that she puts together resembles the “original” line-up with Robin, Speedy, (Kid) Flash, Aqualad and Hawk.

· NTT (1884) #20-21

Jason appears in the Titans tower along the OG Titans, when Donna finally tells them what the mission is all about (stopping Cheshire from interrupting a meeting) she asks if they are in on the job, Jason is not only excited about being there but about Batman actually letting him come all the way to the tower. A little bit of what Jason thinks or saw in Bruce is shown when Wally says that he “didn’t think the Batman could be thrilled by anything. He is always so grim.”

Basically, what Jason says is that the Bat isn’t that bad if you get to know him and that he cares about Jason’s education outside of vigilantism. Also, Jason seems to be grateful and very receptive of the things that Bruce taught him, he regards him as a very good mentor.

After everyone decides to help, they get on their jet. Here we have a very important interaction between Jason and Donna, she is telling him how she is feeling about the attitude of the rest of the team and about how she is a little bit lost now that she is in charge of the Titans and then she asks what Robin thinks about the whole thing, Jason is obviously thrilled once more, someone as experienced as Donna is asking him for his opinion? It blows his mind away! Batman never does that, he is always following his lead and never has a say on what they do so, to him, helping the Titans is only getting better and maybe he will ask the Bat to let him join them permanently.

Because they were talking Donna wasn’t paying much attention while flying and after they barely avoid crashing the jet, she apologizes to everyone and once more looks for reassurance with Jason, this time Jason is caught off guard but after Hawk teases him about his hesitation he tells her that “everything’s okay”.

When they arrive to Switzerland (where the meeting will be held) we have Jason’s first interaction with Roy Harper and him also slowly transforming into a burrito, that boy was cold and pissed off about it!

It’s really funny to me that Roy talking about Oliver’s pervy arrows is his very first interaction with Jason, who would have thought that a mad man would later make them besties?

They all go inside a building to get warm and for a while Jason is just chilling while the other Titans are all having an existential crisis, because here is the thing, Jason is a kid, he was presumably 14 here while all the other are in their twenties. Donna is having trouble with her new position as leader of the Titans, Wally is trying to live up to Barry, Garth is grieving his love, Roy is still very uncomfortable about being on a mission that involves Cheshire and Hank is just crazy. The others are trying to complete a mission while their real-life problems loom over them and Jason is just on an adventure with cool people.

Its not much later than Cheshire attacks the Titans, she first takes on Wally because he is her biggest threat and then detonates a bomb, now here I will give a little bit of context, Cheshire does not want to kill the Titans as of now, she just wants to incapacitate them because them being there is making her own mission more complicated, all I will say is that she doesn’t truly have villainous intentions and that she has a very weak spot for Roy.

Anyway, the bomb incapacitates Garth and Roy and Cheshire also managed to shoot Wally so only Donna, Hank and Jason are left standing to capture Cheshire, but here is the thing, Hank doesn’t want to capture her, he wants to kill her.

Jason has interacted very few times with Hank so far and it has always been Hank teasing him but now as Jason is going to fight Cheshire Hank interrupts him telling him that he will do “what has to be done”. Cheshire of course wont fall easily and I think that at this very moment she is thinking that killing Hank wouldn’t be a bad idea because he is going to mess her plans up! But not to worry as she is raising her gun Jason comes in to save his ass!

Jason is not a match for Cheshire and after that she quickly subdues him. But what’s important here is two things, first Jason doesn’t want or consider the idea of killing Jade, he just wants to capture her and bring her to justice, secondly, he doesn’t even want her to kill Hank, who has been violent towards every Titan and rude to Jason every single time that he has interacted with him. What I am trying to say is that this IS Robin Jason, he doesn’t think or act the same as Red Hood will in the future, he has his opinions on what punishments killers should get but he is not there to kill anyone himself.

There is this whole page where Donna beats Hank against a tree so he stops killing, because that’s not what the Titans do, she explains that if they do that then the public (that is already quite afraid of them) will just fear them more and they don’t need that, plus she believes that he is acting that way out of grief after losing his brother, as she is saying all of this though she is putting quite a lot of pressure on his chest and that might have ended up in her actually killing Hank if Jason hasn’t been there to stop her.

Donna is obviously not having a good time and after this she says that she “has had it” and that from now on Robin should “take command” because “its his group anyway”. Oh man…its clear to the reader that Donna is not having a good time being team leader but she also misses a certain person a lot. She is obviously not seeing Jason there, she is seeing Dick, the person that she is used to take orders from but he is not there.

Jason is aware of this, he might be a kid and might not have as many problems as the other Titans as of now but he is not a fool and he doesn’t want people to see someone else when they look at him, so he confronts Donna about what she just said/did.

Jason is just great in this scene; he just doesn’t want people that he admires to treat him as if he were someone that he isn’t. Just because Dick isn’t there doesn’t mean that he (because he is Robin) can replace him, they are not the same person and they do not have the same experience. He calls out Donna on her behaviour towards him and Donna being an adult takes responsibly for her actions and understands that ultimately, she was hurting Jason’s feelings. We have a kinda wholesome moment when they hug but because this is written by Marv Wolfman and he just can’t help himself, he proceeds to write Jason as a horny teenager. What a way to ruin the moment Marv…

Back to Cheshire, she is about to kick Wally’s face in when she decides to first tell him what he has to tell the others when they wake up, which is “Cheshire remembers”.

Wally tells the Titans Cheshire’s message but none of them truly understands what it means, Hank says that he doesn’t even understand why they are alive. Donna comes to the conclusion that Cheshire might want something from them and this is where Jason gives his thoughts, he says “Doesn’t matter what she wants. We take care of her. She’s a killer.”, its clear once more than although Jason (as Robin) wouldn’t kill anyone he does feel a certain type of way about criminals and wants them to be locked up.

After yet another verbal fight between Hank and Donna the Titans take a cable car to their next location, Jason is shown as exited about the view and the whole experience once more. When they arrive, they find Faraday (the guy that called Donna for help in #19) and he explains a bit more the situation but Jason once more is having trouble staying warm so he goes to the cable car tunnel nearby, but he doesn’t go alone, Roy goes with him because his “costume wasn’t made for this kind of weather either”, in this second interaction between these two we get to see Jason’s detective skills shine.

Jason has been watching Roy and he found his reaction to Cheshire’s message quite sus. Not only is he showing his detective skills here but he also said in a previous panel this: “The Batman keeps telling me to watch people’s eyes. And every so often I notice you become awfully agitated…like something was going on you didn’t want to be part of”. Zdarsky, hey pal, I am talking to you, look at this dude! He read Roy like an open book, this is Robin Jason, he likes being Robin and he is brilliant at it, he is methodical because he learnt from paying attention and working with Batman, so, you sir are wrong, not only did UtRH disprove your dumb narrative but so does this interaction (along all his appearances in this book).

Roy is impressed by the kid, and yeah, he calls him kid because he is a kid…Roy is visibly older than Jason as he should, do you see it Lobdell? Yeah, there is no dubious age gap between those two as you made it seem. Roy is impressed because between both of them he is the one that is most experienced, not the other way around. How did Lobdell manage to make up a whole as run where not only were Roy and Jason close in age and besties but also Jason was better at vigilantism than Roy and Roy was the one being impressed. It’s wild, wild and bad.

Back to the issue, Jason taken out of the fight quite fast once more by Cheshire and she proceeds to talk to Roy, that’s where we find out that they were lovers and that she feels weak when she is around him because he makes her feel feelings but that’s not all, she tells Roy that he is “the man that fathered my child” …Oh and now she does want to kill him. That’s where #20 ends, so let’s see what happens with Jason in #21.

In the beginning of #21 Jason is conscious once more and when he hears Cheshire’s threat, he attacks her so she can’t shoot Roy, he also says this “Sorry ‘cat’ that’s a definite no-no. Don’t you know mommy’s and daddies should never fight” I, I don’t know why he had to say it like that…the 80s were weird. While Jason is being himself Roy is thinking “Don’t be cocky kid, Jade hasn’t got a sense of humour…” but because he wants to talk to Jade, he tells Jason to go, that he will handle Cheshire and he leaves.

Roy and Jade talk, Donna and Hawk are fighting bad guys and each other and at some point, Jason joins Garth and helps him take down a couple of guys, he also tries to make conversation with him but Garth is still not talking to anybody.

Cheshire tells Roy that he will never hear about their child again and that he needs to let her do her thing and stay out of it because he doesn’t understand what’s going on, Roy doesn’t do what she asks and she “poisons” him. Donna saves a guy that Hank was trying to kill. After Cheshire leaves Roy comes to the conclusion that she wasn’t there to kill the people from the meeting or that she poisoned him, but because they were there and everything went to shit now the people that were getting together are blaming the Titans for the interruption. The whole thing is a mess and the news channel are not nice about the Titans as a whole, but I am not interested in exploring that here. All you need to know is that the people that made Cheshire do what she did to the Titans were the Brother Blood people.

It’s on the jet that we see Jason again, he and the others are going back to the tower. Because the news are painting the Titans as bad when they are arriving to the tower Jason sees a lot of people protesting about them and he feels bad. This was his first job with the Titans and he is a kid, imagine how sad it would make you if you wanted to help and after getting the job done people were mad at you. But even though he is sad about that he takes time to ask Roy if he is okay after he sees him almost running away from the tower, he doesn’t get a response but he isn’t mad about it.

Jason’s stay with the Titans comes to and end and he says that he loved hanging out with them and is grateful for having been invited, he is so sweet!

· NTT (1884) #24

Here, for some reason, we see Jason saying goodbye to the Titans again and unlike at the end of #21 Roy is there to see him leave.

I am not going to lie though; I liked this goodbye better it feels like it’s more complete than the other one. Here he says that Batman wants him back in Gotham but that if the Titans ever need him again all they need to do is call. He also mentions Nightwing which is funny because he will be called by Donna again in #26 to help the Titans get Dick back from Brother Bloods Church.

I am going to cut this part here because issues 26 to 31 have a lot of Jason content that I want to explore and I can’t put any more pictures here, also this post is already long as it is now!

I just love Jason’s little moments in these issues, him confronting Donna and reading Roy like and open book in #20 are my absolute favourite, I just think this is a nice way to kinda show how wrong some current characterizations of Robin Jason are and what better way to do that than reading and looking into some good stories.

Oh! Before I forget, in #21 Roy leaves the Titans’ tower to go see Jade and he actually gets to meet his daughter Lian for the first time, so yeah, that was a wholesome moment!

#jason todd #robin jason todd #batman and robin #titans #new teen titans #donna troy #roy harper #cheshire #garth of shayeris #wally west #red hood #urban legends red hood

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sasa-gay-yo · 3 years

Text

Levi Gives You A Promise Ring

Request / Summary: Levi worried about reader before a scouting mission (maybe they were hurt in the last one or something), and to make him feel better about it he gives reader a promise ring?

Timeline: Pre-Season 1

Warnings: some swearin’ and suggested NSFW

Art Credits: AoT

He had called you into his office to try and convince you to stay back for today’s expedition. Walking to that dark, stuffy office, you were thinking about the numerous arguments you could give him that would make your place on the expedition team solid. You were a squadron leader. You were one of the best fighters that the Scouts had currently. Levi couldn’t hold you back just because you two had a relationship. How was he supposed to assign you to his elite squad next week when he can’t even let you go on a simple expedition?

However, you knew why he was worried about letting you go today. Last expedition you were injured by an abnormal. A new recruit was shellshocked by seeing his first titan and was easily grabbed off of his horse and body thrown towards the titan’s mouth like a snack. You swung through, shoving the boy out of the way, and your ODM line was caught by the titan. If you were to survive, you’d have to cut one of the wires and fall about forty feet to the ground. Levi watched helplessly as your body fell, but not before you sliced into the titan’s ankles.

Miche was the first one to reach you and pull the abnormal’s dead, limp body off of you. Levi came next, frowning at the fact that you were laughing at your bad fortune. The new recruit was also looking at you like you were crazy, and Levi made them run laps for that after their return. Levi, not able to show care in public, watched helplessly as Miche took you on his horse and cared for you until they returned from the expedition. Miche had done Levi’s job. In the HQ’s makeshift hospital, he watched as Hange wrapped feet after feet of bandages around your middle. Broken ribs and a sprained ankle and wrist. Still, he couldn’t come near you while Hange and Erwin were laughing at your jokes. He just had to sit back and watch the others care for you. At that moment, he decided that you wouldn’t be joining them for next months expedition, but he hadn’t told you of his decision yet. He couldn’t live like that. Always having to watch your risk your life for any member of the Scout’s while he sat on the sidelines.

You, now with a healed ankle and wrist and only a few bruises left on your abdomen, were about to get him to change his mind.

You knocked on his door and a grunt from inside signaled he knew it was you. You opened the door and slid in, closing it behind you. By the way he was sitting in the chair, you knew he was Captain Levi to you right now. Not the man who likes his shoulders massaged after hard training ODM with the new recruits.

“Squad Leader (Y/L/N), thank you for coming on such short notice.” You wanted to roll your eyes at his formality, but you knew that it would give him a reason to actually bar you from the expedition.

“Captain,” you let out, short and sweet so he knew how you were feeling about this meeting. He didn’t smile or smirk at you like he usually did with your sass, he just stared straight ahead thinking. Over and over in his head, he was replaying the image of you falling from the titan hands, your body bounding off the ground on impact. If only you listened to him when he said that it wasn’t your job to save the recruits, then you two wouldn’t be in this position. You crossed your arms, waiting for him to respond.

“I don’t think it to be wise for you to go on this expedition with your injuries still fresh.” He was bullshitting you. If your injuries were still fresh, why did he have you in his bed the day prior? He didn’t care about your injuries when his fingers left bruises on your hips. His secret marks of passion.

“With all due respect, Captain, my injuries have healed, and I’ve been cleared by Hange. I think medical knowledge outweighs your concern. Are you going to not let Petra go on this expedition too when she was injured recently?” He drew his eyebrows in with annoyance, one hand going to rub his temple. Why couldn’t you just listen to him, so he didn’t have to worry about you?

“(Y/F/N) can you just sit out this one, please? Everyone would understand why. There’s no reason to-“

“I thought you said you would never give me preferential treatment, Captain.” Little did he know, his actions when you were injured stung your heart. Even if he felt the need to hide your relationship, that doesn’t mean he can’t care for you as a worried Captain. He just stood there, watching Miche carry you on his horse, no protest or quick jabs of insults. Even when it was only Hange and Erwin, the two people who were already suspicious of you two, he barely looked or responded to your yelps of pain. He would only visit you once a week for five minutes, weary of the others who lay in the cots around you. It hurt you that you were visited by that new recruit whom you hadn’t know existed till you saved him more than your boyfriend, who you’ve known for five years. And now, after all of that, he’s showing whatever kind of concern this is by barring you from the mission?

“Are you upset with me for caring about you?” He had completely transitioned from Captain back into your Levi, but you wouldn’t let him have this moment. Your arms were crossed, jaw clench, and your eyes were boring holes into him. These were all the telltale signs that you were angry, having studied them in secret for years.

“You have no consistency, Captain.” He sighed this time, knowing now exactly what you were talking about. Did you really believe he felt no remorse? That he wasn’t fighting inside himself to go and grab you from Miche’s arms? To put the bandages on you himself since Hange was causing you even more pain with her incompetence?

“You know I cannot express my care for you under the watch of the others. Not only is it for privacy, but your safety could be at risk.” This time you rolled your eyes, loud and clear. He doubted so many of your abilities.

“My ability to defend myself shouldn’t be a problem, Captain, and your ability to just show a little care for me as a fellow soldier shouldn’t either. You can patch up Petra’s wounds, but as soon as I’m hurt, your hands don’t work anymore, it seems.” He slammed his fist against the table at the mentioned of Petra’s name. Why is it always Petra? Oh, yes, besides the fact that she told you that she had feelings for the Captain, why was it her?

“Do you think I don’t feel pain when you’re injured?! Is that it? You don’t think I care about you?!” Now, all formality was off. You were yelling. Hopefully, someone didn’t walk by and ruin Levi’s want for privacy. It was a possibility to, seeing that the expedition is supposed to depart soon.

“If you care you have a funny way of showing it, Levi! Not doing anything when I get injured, not visiting me, not tending to my wounds, only to order me to not go on the expedition?! You know my squad needs me, so you’re being selfish now, but how come you can only be selfish behind this door, huh?” You pointed to the wood behind you, the one you were about to walk out of and slam in his face. It infuriated you that he thought he could assert his control over you like this. If he showed you one ounce of concern while you were hurt or in the medical barracks, maybe, just maybe, you would let him. You would stay behind, sleeping in his fresh sheets, and rest a bit longer. But now, it seemed he was only concerned about you because he was in pain.

He stood up slowly from his desk, eyes still on his fist which connected with the wood.

“How dare you think I don’t care about you. Do you know how much I wanted to go to you? How I wanted to rip those bandaged out of Hange’s hands and do it myself? How I wanted to kill that new recruit for not only causing you harm, but for visiting you and talking about you during training? I’m suffering inside because I can only hold you at night. I can’t sleep when you’re not with me! Do you know how many days of unrest I got while you stayed in the barracks? I want to tell everyone. I want to get up on that damn table in the lunch hall and announce to your little fucking fan club that you’re mine, goddamn it! But I can’t. You know why? I care about you too much to let the Royal Government put a target on your back because of me! To let everyone know that you’re Captain Levi’s would let those who want to kill me know the same. There’s so many in the Underground who I know would jump at the chance to hurt me, and I’m not ready to let you live through my past mistakes. I’m not ready to let you get hurt in front of me while the only thing I can do is stand and watch!” He was breathing heavy at this point, and you had your hand on your heart. It was beating fast at this sudden burst of emotion. You weren’t used to this Levi. Only in your shared bed would he show a glimpse of what the demons he was truly fighting inside, but now he yelled it loud enough that it Erwin was in his office, he would have heard all of Levi’s soliloquy. The last line. That last line wasn’t about his past or the Underground. That last line was about the expeditions. About watching you fall to the ground before his eyes, the titan falling on top of you.

His breathing hadn’t stabilized, and you couldn’t see his face to know how he was feeling. You couldn’t get a glimpse into what he was thinking.

“Levi,” you said, your voice soft. Had you known all of this previously, this problem wouldn’t have occurred. If only he told you about how you felt, and only if you told him your frustrations with his displays of emotion. Your problems were always about communication. Levi didn’t know how to communicate love to anyone.

“Do you know how many times that scene replays in my mind? You falling? Your body smacking into the ground, rolling as the titan falls on top of you? Over and over. Erwin knows about our relationship because he heard me yell for you when it happened. I shouted my name for you.” Your eyes widened, remembering hearing that. Hearing the name that he gave you behind closed doors be announced over the battlefield. The name that signified his private love for you. The name he never used around anyone, for it being too revealing of his emotion. You thought it was your mind playing tricks on you then. There was no way that the man who turned a cold shoulder to you had shouted that out of the battlefield.

“Erwin knows.” It wasn’t a question, but more of a confirmation to you. Confirming that Levi had told someone on his own accord, even if it was because of a mess up. Someone knew about your relationship, and it lightened some metaphorical load on your shoulders. Erwin knew. The Commander knew and he had a whole month to tell you two that it was against the rules for officers to have certain relationships with each other on the pretense of nepotism. That meant he didn’t care, or rather, he approved.

“I wanted to give you something, at a different time and in a different setting, but I don’t think I can let you leave today without it.” That made you lighten up even more. He was letting you go on the expedition.

“What is it?” He opened the top draw of his desk and dug into it, walking over to you with something in his palm. When he opened his palm, there lie a small circle of green jade. Your heart sped up again, not knowing what this was for.

“Levi…?” You asked breathlessly. You two had only been dating for a few months, so it couldn’t have been that, but you’ve almost never gotten a gift like this from him. It was always tea or some chocolates he brought back from meetings in Mitras. One day, he brought back clothes for you, and you had to tell everyone you bought it in Trost, fighting back to the urge to brag about Levi’s care for you. However, this ring, whatever it was meant for, this wasn’t just something you could lie about or hide in your dresser drawer.

“I read about this in a book. The main character wanted to give something to the person he loved, just so they knew how deep it was. Its a promise. A promise to love you. To care for you. As long as I’m alive. No matter how cold I seem to be on the outside, I care for you. I care so much it hurts. And… and if you’re ever in a situation when you’re doubting me, like the one we are in now, then you have this,” he held it up for you to look at, before grabbing you hand and slipping it on. The jade felt cold against your finger, but you were surprised at the sung fit. Your eyes teared up.

“Levi, it beautiful,” was all you could breathe out. You were on cloud nine, receiving this gift of devotion, but also having him say it out loud. The shouts of the past fifteen minutes had faded in your memory with one touch of this jade. He linked his fingers in yours, holding your hand up so he could see and feel the jade on your finger. He marveled at it too, something inside of his tightening at the thought of a ring on your finger. A ring he had given you.

“I promise to be by your side forever, (Y/F/N).” You looked up at him this time, wiping the tears from the corner of your eyes. Never had anyone in their lives devoted themselves to you like Levi just had. Instead of responding verbally, you pulled his face in, kissing him in the middle of his office. His grip tightened on your hand as you did this, allowing you to feel the passion run throughout your whole body.

A knock at the door had broke you two apart, but your hands were still connected. Erwin’s head popped in slowly, knowing that he might walk into to something very different. He’d seen you stalk off to Levi’s office in a huff, ordering some cadet to hitch your horse for you. Yet, he saw that your hands were connected, and when Levi didn’t push you away from him, hands still together for Erwin to see, your smile radiated enough for Erwin to feel his effects. Good. He needed his two best fighters to be happy again.

“Hurry up, you two. We’re leaving and it’s going to be obvious who’s missing soon.” You were the first to let go, knowing that you’d probably have to feign some innocence for the others. The fan club Levi had mentioned liked to know your every move so they could cater to it. You decided that walking down with Erwin was probably the best bet at secrecy and so you bid Levi a smile goodbye before walking out into the hallway with the Commander.

“I didn’t know he told you, Erwin.” The blonde man huffed once in laughter, looking down at your hand. He recognized that ring, Levi quickly confining with the man about relationship advice. Erwin wouldn’t tell you, it wasn’t his place, but Levi was as eager to finally have someone to talk about your relationship with.

“It was due to a mistake, but yes, he told me. He threatened me as well. A very bold move for a subordinate.” You knew he was only joking, and you lifted your hand up to cover your laugh, imagining Erwin punishing Levi of all people for that.

“I’m sorry on his behalf, Commander.” You reached the door out into the field, everyone getting lined up in their formation to leave. Somehow, Levi was already there, sitting on top of his horse with that same neutral expression. When he saw you and Erwin walk out, it didn’t change at all, but this time it left no sting like it had previous.

“No worries, Squad Leader (Y/L/N). I’m glad the ring fits, he was worried about that.” The wicked smirk that broke across your face was confirmation to Levi that Erwin had told you something about their secret conversations about you. He glared at the blonde as he climbed up on the horse next to him.

“I moved Squad Leader (Y/L/N)’s camp closer up in the middle so you won’t have to worry, Captain.” Erwin purposely said that out loud, the others around them trying to pretend they didn’t hear their Commander’s words. Levi’s glared intensified and he gripped the reigns. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you mount your horse, only thirty feet away from him.

“Why would I care, Commander? Good for them. Now when they mess up, they can have us to back up their asses,” Levi growled out, trying to make it sound as harsh as possible. That made the others around stop listening, hearing a normal response from their Captain.

“I’m glad it fit, Captain,” Erwin said lowly, starting his horse to walk up to the front of the formation to give a rousing speech. Levi’s expression softened a bit, but he looked forward, testing out angles that made sure you were always in his periphery.

“I am too, Commander.”

Masterlist

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman scenario #levi ackerman #levi ackerman imagine #Captain Levi #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin levi #aot levi #snk levi #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan x you #AoT requests #request

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capesandshapes · 3 years

Text

All You Had to Do Was Stay (Post Reveal/ Pre Relationship) (1/4)

Thanks to LNC for the title!

Summary:

Three years ago, Marinette revealed her identity to him. Three years ago, he promised to wait in a hotel room for her. Three years ago, she opened the door to find it empty.

Now she's expected to play nice with him, since she's the maid of honor and he's unfortunately the best man. But old habits die hard, and old feelings die harder.

"This is a wedding, not a death march, Marinette."

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Things that need to be done before Alya Cesaire could marry Nino Lahiffe:

1. Designs combining both Martinique culture and Réunion style needed to be made for the whole wedding party. Everyone should get to have a say in what they wear.

2. The video of Alya dancing overenthusiastically to the cupid shuffle needed to be removed from Lila Rossi’s Instagram, lest Nino’s nana see and wonder what type of woman he’s marrying.

3. The cake tasting needed to be had. Marinette needed to make sure that her parents didn’t go overboard and keep the couple for the whole night. Even if Alya was practically their daughter. Even if they begged. Even if papa cried.

4. A totally unique and unreplicable combination Bachelor and Bachelorette party needed to be planned.

And, lastly… The most difficult of all:

5. Marinette somehow needed to be able to stand in a room with Nino’s best man, Adrien, and hold a conversation for more than five minutes. Even if, three years ago, he found out her identity, left Paris, and broke her heart.

“Easy,” Marinette groaned, sinking further into her barstool as she closed her notes app, her head touching the counter of the bar. She’d already crossed off the top two of the list items, and yet…

“I’m not asking for a miracle,” Alya began, obviously knowing what she was thinking about. She was the one to ask Marinette out that night, wanting to find out her progress… and also to check in on her wellbeing. It was obvious that she felt bad, she knew how things went between the two and how Marinette originally thought they would go. But she couldn’t just ask Nino not to have Adrien be his best man. “Five minutes, that’s all I’m asking. Just five minutes in a room together. You quickly plan the bachelorette party, since we know that you’re far too organized not to, give him the run down, and then leave. Back to your life, back to doing whatever it is you do now.”

“Sit at home. Alone,” Marinette supplied.

Alya grimaced. “It’s for the best that Luka got married, Marinette. You couldn’t keep playing that game. All that kiss and tell was gonna kill you some day.”

Marinette groaned, somehow sinking further into the wood of the bar. Anymore and she’d become part of the grain.

“Plus, Juleka’s in a better mood with you now,” Alya said, obviously looking at the other young woman as she undoubtedly danced on the floor with Rose. Marinette’s habit of coming back to Paris and making out with her brother had obviously put a strain on their relationship, even if Luka insisted that things weren’t committal and he was totally fine with only seeing her twice a year. “Who knows, maybe Nino will have a handsome cousin and you’ll fall madly in love.”

Marinette raised the side of her head to cast Alya a glare from one eye.

Alya didn’t falter. “So, he’s back. After spending three years in New York, Milan, Hong Kong, and Tokyo. I get it, it’s life changing, it’s world ending, it’s all the things you don’t want and more—especially after how things ended,” Marinette groaned, Alya carried on, “but, you know who else is back? Max, Rose, unfortunately Lila, and Kim. Good old Kim. All your friends, everyone who you’ve known for years, everyone who has missed you as you flitted in and out of Paris! Sure, you found out that Adrien was Chat Noir, went to his hotel room, thought you were finally going to get together, and then opened the door to find it empty—but you know, life happens! And when you least expect it, it keeps going on and on and on and on!”

Marinette turned her face back to the wood.

“I really did try to get Nino to change his mind,” Alya said flatly. “I begged.” Marinette doubted it, but…

“Why couldn’t he just stay in New York?” Marinette mumbled.

“Because Nino is his best friend.”

“Why couldn’t Nino go to New York,” Marinette said, “or Adrien done a zoom call for the wedding.”

Alya snorted. “Okay, that’s it,” she said, grabbing Marinette’s arm. “Adrien’s landing today, nothing’s going to stop it, you just have to clear your head and power on.” She leaned into Marinette’s view as her friend finally turned her head, insistently stating, “you were Ladybug for god’s sake. Even if no one else knows it, you do. I do. You gotta suit up, lovebug, and face the day, lest another evil butterfly come flying by.” Never mind the fact that there hadn’t been an Akuma in years.

Not since Gabriel Agreste was arrested.

Marinette rolled her eyes, finally lifting herself off the bar.

“There’s my girl,” Alya said. “Now, finish your dirty shirley, order another drink, and come do karaoke with me. I’m a hundred percent certain that I saw Say You’ll Be There on the song list, and you know that I’ve been singing Spice Girls since I was in diapers.”

--------------------------

Marinette stumbled into her apartment at one am. Not drunk, she didn’t get drunk, not out in public at bars. In friends’ apartments, maybe. She was still a bit tipsy which was, in its own way, dangerous. But she could fight through it, maybe.

Kicking off her heels, she looked at it, the studio she called home and had once been so proud of a few years back, the same studio she’d lived in ever since she was a fashion design student. The same one in which she’d left Chat knocking on her balcony door when she struggled to stay asleep, and eventually relented to let him in time and time again before he knew who she was.

“Someday, I’m going to move,” she grumbled, beginning to pull the bobby pins from her hair. She wouldn’t, of course, not for a long time. Rent-controlled apartments were rare, and while she pretended that the history that practically stained her hardwood floors was something she would rather forget, she was a nostalgic young woman. She’d be there for at least another five years, or until she was finally well and truly over Chat.

Five years would probably come first.

She passed by the photos washi taped to her walls, the ones where fourteen-year-old kids gave toothy smiles and eighteen-year-old young women gave winks while leaning into blond young men. If she was so concerned about history, she’d have to get rid of those first.

She sighed, finally removing the last bobby pin from her hair and letting it fall down her back, placing the black pin in one of the many bowls around her apartment placed for that very reason. Adrien would be in Paris by then, she was sure. He was probably sound asleep in the Agreste mansion.

“Welcome home, kitty,” she said sarcastically, beginning to climb the steps to her lofted bedroom, a space that was not unlike her childhood room.

This wasn’t how she expected things to be.

Of course, this wasn’t how anyone expected things to be. If you asked anyone, they told you how the story ended. Ladybug and Chat Noir finally got together, they were hiding in Paris somewhere, they were in love. They probably had kids, a dog, a hamster—normal jobs and normal lives. That was what the people of Paris wanted. She thought that that was the ending they would get.

She thought that when she went to the hotel room that night, he would be there. She thought that he was happy to know who she was. She thought that he loved her.

She thought wrong.

Marinette always thought wrong.

She thought she could get over him. She thought making out with Luka was a solution, one that she could keep trying every time she went to Paris. She thought that she would miss Adrien more than Chat, the promise of love more than sitting in her bed and watching subtitled anime while he mouthed the English translations.

By now, she thought she’d be waking up to someone else. That maybe she’d have a steady life, someone to wrap their arms around her in the morning.

Adulthood hits hard.

“Adrien Agreste,” she said, flopping back in her bed and pulling open her phone. She wasn’t above social media stalking.

There he was. Gold hair, tanned skin, too many muscles to know what to do with. Landed in Paris four hours ago, his Instagram posted a picture of him with his arm around Nino. His eyes were still kind, his smile still flawless. Her heart still pounded.

“Jerk,” she muttered, letting her phone fall down beside her. “I didn’t need you anyway,” except for all those times she did. Like when she put the earrings back in the box and said goodbye to one of her closest friends. She could have used him then.

She could have used him a lot of times.

Her eyes stayed glued to the ceiling, her chest rising and falling with every breath. There was no sound, no doting kwami, no laughter from her parents, and no Alya playing with her hair. Just her.

“Now I’m going to see you and fall in love with you all over again,” she said, wishing she could steel herself against the inevitable.

#adrienette #lovesquare #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous ladybug #post reveal pre relationship #post reveal #pre relationship #mlb fanfic #miraculous fanfiction #my fanfic

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hoaqins-funk-house · 3 years

Text

Springtrap

Yandere

Male Reader

Part 1

Sitting in the black swivel chair, you spin once or twice before coming to a stop, grimacing at the feeling of sticky floors beneath your shoes. This place is brand new, how the hell are the floors sticky?

Actually, on that note, how is everything so covered in dust?

Sighing, your mindless fidgeting comes to a stop as the phone, just as dinky as the walls around you, begins to ring. You pick it up but put it back on the table, eyes drifting to the laptop and swing-out tablet. When you flip the former open, you note the four buttons, each relating to something you would have to reset when it comes time to. The latter has cameras that are scattered around, including a separate tab for vents. There’s an option to block off vents, which sends a chill up your spine as you glance to the big ass one at your side.

You decide to block that one off for now.

Humming, you familiarize yourself with the layout of the place, deciding to ignore the shadows that crept through your vision.

Your unenthused eyes scan and take in everything. The replicas (you had seen the originals, and they were permanently stained with both the smell and color of pizza sauce and lawsuits) that were in and around the office, as well as the little bobbleheads that sat on your desk of the animatronics, which were, for some reason, human? You boop the one who you assume to be Freddy, hearing the familiar squeak.

A small smile comes to your lips.

It was at this time that you realized you had completely ignored the man on the phone, but you couldn't really bring yourself to care.

The little drawings that were put up were authentic; not just anyone could recreate what a child's mind spits out and decides to draw.

That Freddy looks a bit fucked up.

The posters were cutely designed, and after getting the gist of what everything was and how everything works, you were on your phone the rest of the night.

When six strikes, you casually leave, giving the building a quick once over as you leave the doors, locking them behind you.

If every night is going to be like that, this is going to get boring.

He’s stuck.

This suit traps him like a rabid dog, eager to stay gripped onto his neck.

Still, things would be changing soon.

He can feel it.

He can feel it as a fresh breeze, the first in many years, hits his nostrils, sending a wave of euphoria through his system. The bloodied musk that hung in the dank room was not a pleasant one.

He can feel it as his body accepts this new host, more and more, until soon, quite soon, he will become one with his vessel.

Just as the animatronics before him did.

He ponders.

Why was he being freed from this prison of his own design?

Is he being taken somewhere?

…

Will there be a night guard to terrorize?

A grin takes to his broken lips as he ignores the pain and blood that comes from them. Oh, a night guard! Truly, that will be a sight!

He can't wait.

For now, however, he must play dead.

My, that voice that shouts with excitement from behind him…

It sounds so familiar.

"Bring the truck around!" He calls. "I found one, a real one! It's got the rips, the weird colors, and what I am going to assume is pizza sauce! Ohohoh man, I hit the jackpot with this one! Fazbear's Fright needed something, and here it is!"

His congratulatory tone made the man within the suit want to throw up. Finding him was nothing to be happy about; he is despicable, incapable of redemption, and an awful being.

And you know what?

That's just the way he likes it.

So to have someone happy to find him, especially for their own purposes?

He won't let it stand.

Yeah, if this place has a nightguard, he'll kill them without mercy before burning the entire thing to the ground.

Might as well make it fun for himself.

As light peeks through, clearly originating from a flashlight, he feels his pupils shrink, resisting the urge to let out a groan as his weak eyes ache from their decades of being in the dark.

"Whoahoh! This one looks gnarly!" The same man as before speaks, probably referencing the organs and tendons that were showing. "C'mon, let's get it up!"

His grin only grows as two people lift him onto a dolly, beginning the move.

Goodbye, saferoom.

And hello, Fazbear's Fright.

Humming, you walk into the building, skimming over the decorations once more before noticing something.

The papers that had fallen onto the ground from before, they had dirt on them. Not surprising on its own, but when they were in the shape of tire tracks?

You decide to follow them, using your memory of the cameras to guide you through the building, which was already rather linear anyway.

Entering the last area, you could see a rather dilapidated animatronic suit, with organs visible and its fur matted with blood. Real blood. The old Springbonnie suit was nearly green from how old and dirty it was.

Your eyebrows raise. "Is that guy just stupid or did he knowingly bring in a suit that has a dead body in it?"

Honestly, you didn't care. "Eh, whatever. It'll probably start moving when I start my shift… I've heard those rumors about the other locations." You turn, stretching, unaware of the eyes that followed you or the head that turned your way.

Damn, does he want to kill this one?

Well, he can think it over more soon. After the merge.

He grins again, feeling his uneven, gouged skin begin to flare with pain.

You exit the room fully, making your way back to the office with all the urgency of an ADHD-riddled person doing laundry.

Which is to say… not much.

You fall into the chair, cursing as the thin mesh cushion does nothing to protect your tailbone from the metal frame of the chair. The phone rings not a moment later, you picking it up and laying it on the table again, eager to ignore it just as you had done before. You stretch again, arms raising above your head as you begin to flip through cameras, finding the rabbit in the same spot it was in before.

You yawn.

Hopefully it starts moving soon, or else the entire reason you took this job would be unfulfilled.

You were bored, and you remembered this place from the times you had gone with your younger brother, who was now in his early twenties. You, however, were 28 years of age, with nothing better to do than 'investigate' the Fazbear's Fright that opened up. Still, if that rabbit has a corpse in it, it should make things more fun.

As you lazily flip through your cameras, you set it down and look to the side, seeing a rather dirty looking man with an eyepatch and fox ears. To his confusion, before he could lunge at you, you reach out and swipe a hand through his chest. You continue to swipe forwards and backwards, the incorporeal man stuck standing there until you leaned back.

"So, you're a ghost."

His mouth opens as if to retort, but he just gives up and leaps at you, you not even looking at him anymore. He closes his mouth halfway through the jump, and with an unsatisfied sigh, he disappears.

You continue flipping through the cameras, checking in on the rabbit a couple of times before shoving the tablet out of the way, opening the laptop to have it ready and sitting back in your chair.

You glance towards a shifting figure in front of the window, the hat and bear ears telling of who it is. He limps along, eventually falling beneath your view before seemingly phasing through the wall and leaping at you. You stare passively as he does so, him not completing the jump to instead stand in front of you, confused.

For shits and giggles, you wave your hand through his chest once or twice.

"Why… aren't you… scared?" He croaks, voice ruined from years of no use.

"Oh, was I supposed to be scared?" You genuinely ask. "Uh, sorry. If you do it again I promise I'll hyperventilate."

"Don't try to… lessen your survival chances…"

"Okay. My bad."

He sighs, and after annoyedly rubbing his face, he disappears.

You flip out your cameras once more, finding the screen obscured by static and a small error in the center. Lazily, you reset cams.

When your screen clears, you check the rabbit. He looks… strange. Like his body is evolving in front of your eyes.

To be honest, you don't give enough of a shit to watch a potentially world-changing discovery if it looks that gross. You aren't paid enough to, anyway.

At this pay grade, you even coming into the damn building is volunteer work.

You check your phone for the time, seeing a cool time of one in the morning.

"Aside from that science experiment gone wrong happening in the back room, it's still really damn boring."

However, it's still not boring enough to watch that transformation or whatever. That corpse (well, at this point, you kinda doubt it's dead) can do whatever the hell he wants with that suit. It's his body, not your business.

After another fifteen minutes of staring at a wall, you check the cameras to the sound of loud clicks and pops, now seeing a heavily scarred man with 1.5 rabbit ears in place of the suit. He takes one step out from his original spot, body heaving forward before he lifts himself up, looking up at the camera with a grin.

"Huh. That's new." You say, watching him jolt forward, continuing to take steps before relearning how to walk smoothly.

It only takes him a moment to rocket off.

"I doubt that's good." You mumble, beginning to flip through the cameras to follow him before playing a sound in the room behind him, making him pause. He turns, walking back with a confused expression.

Continuing to flip through cameras, you watch as the man, who you'll dub Rabbit Guy, wanders, seemingly having lost his focus. Hearing a sound to your left, you pay no heed to whoever it is, instead waggling your hand in what you would assume to be their torso.

"You're strange…" They say.

"Uh-huh. If you'd excuse me, I am currently working on keeping Rabbit Guy the hell away from me." Your voice is monotonous but sincere; you aren't trying to be sarcastic or mean, just trying to tell them the facts.

Glancing to the side, you see that it was a child, so you were waving your hand in his collar. "Oh, my bad. Does that… make you guys uncomfortable?" You ask, retracting your hand.

"No, we can't feel it."

"Huh." You blandly respond, playing the sounds to lead Rabbit Guy back to where he started, before resetting sounds as you weren't able to play them anymore.

It seems like Rabbit Guy is getting progressively more and more annoyed at being led back, if his attempts to move fast enough to avoid the sounds or block out his ears meant anything.

His body was responding to the sounds, not him.

It was then that he disappeared, so you check vents, finding him in one that led directly to the room beside your office.

You block it off, much to his annoyance, before yawning and sitting back as any thumps you hear from inside the vents come to a stop.

You find him standing in the room where he had entered the vent, irritated as he glares at the camera. Preemptively, you reset all, thankfully right as cams and sound go out.

Sighing, you lazily check through cameras, brows slightly furrowing as you look for him. He was completely gone, not in vents or in rooms. It really is unfortunate how many blind spots and shadowed areas there are.

When you hear the thumping of the vents, you search through them, only finding a stupid knick-knack laying on its side halfway in your sight.

Looking to your side, you peek into the vent, leaning down to see if anything was there. Your gaze meets Rabbit Guy's.

"Shit." You say, quickly switching cams over to this one and holding down the seal button.

Your eyes shift back to him, finding him way too close for comfort. As you lift your finger to let the gate close on the vent, the man (who was crouch walking) catches it, forcing it back up. You hear something grind that definitely shouldn't be grinding, and you have a feeling that that vent cover just might be broken.

Getting out of the vent, he stands over you, waiting for some sort of plea or… literally any response at all.

"So, you, uh… come here often?" You ask, leaving him genuinely at a loss.

"Wh- was that a pickup line?" His rough, baritone voice catches you slightly off-guard.

You weren't expecting something that was pretty much a zombie to have such a good voice, or a slight british accent for that matter. "Was it? Shit, more people've flirted with me than I thought."

"Really? That's all you can come up with before your death? I'd hate for those to be your final words." He lightly teases, leaning against the wall with a mean grin.

You look up at the ceiling with a vague smile, his eyes widening momentarily. "To be honest, of any place to die, I'd much rather have it be in a place where I know I'll reach the front pages than in some random alley."

His grin falls into a frown as he watches you turn to him, the smile still on your face. It feels strange.

He feels strange.

Why does a random night guard make him feel so…

So… comfortable?

You were calm, collected, not making any sudden moves or even attempting to exit the chair. Theoretically, the perfect prey, but not a satisfying kill.

If he even wants to kill you, that is.

“What’s your name?” He asks, watching as you spin to face him in your chair. You would be taller if you stood, but he would still have a few inches on you.

“Y/N. You?”

“I’m… William. Or, rather, I was, when I was well and truly human.”

“And now?” You ask.

“I don’t exactly have a name.”

“Can I still call you William, then? Well, if I live long enough to do so?” You ask, eyes moving up to meet his. Looking up at him like that… He wishes the hot feeling in the pit of his stomach would go away.

“...Fine.”

“I mean… are you going to kill me?” You ask, face not shifting as he glares down at you.

“I won’t kill you on the first night, you need to give me more entertainment.” At least, that’s what he told himself.

“Oh, so we’re both here for the same reason.” You blankly say, his face contorting from a glare to confusion once more.

“You’re here… for entertainment?” He slowly asks, answered by your nod.

“I’m certainly not here for the pay. This place gives like half of minimum wage but I can’t complain about it because the other part is supposed to come from tips. Somehow.”

“How do you even live?”

“Well, right now I’m on an paid leave due to some unfortunate deaths in my family. To be honest, I never really cared for any of them, but hey. I’ll take any chance for a break I can. Then I got bored.”

He huffs out a laugh. “So you went to another job on your break?”

“Listen, getting a month off leaves a man with little to do when capitalism has left me with no hobbies. Besides, this gives me a great excuse to continue avoiding people.”

His lips curl into an amused grin as he leans forward, lowering his head to be eye level with yours. "Well, you won't be avoiding me." He practically purrs, you averting your eyes at the tone he uses.

Why would he say it like that?!

His golden eyes follow you as you close the laptop's screen, enjoying your reaction. You…

He'll keep you around.

You're entertaining and friendly. Open, and… warm.

He wonders.

You're human, and fully alive. He's a revived corpse who merged with his vessel. You probably are very warm compared to him.

When he comes back to his senses, he notices you slowly raising out of your seat, hand outstretched towards him.

Well, might as well take the chance.

He grabs your wrist, looking down at you unimpressed. You quietly huff, falling back into your chair and forcing him to move away from the wall in order to not dislocate your wrist.

Well, his hypothesis is correct. You are very warm.

He feels the tightening in his gut, not wanting to let go but knowing that he will have to.

You, however, don't actually care either way. You begin your attempt again, this time with your left hand. Slowly raising out of your seat, you actually manage to stand fully up before he notices again, grabbing your other wrist.

"What are you even trying to do?" He asks, a light sneer on his lips.

"Well... uh, I was trying to… boop your nose? If you're bonded with one of the original suits, then I figured either you or Fredbear would have the sound effect."

He lets out a few short laughs, his sneer replaced with the same amused grin as before.

"I'm afraid neither of us have the sound effect. That only came about with the second and third generations of animatronics."

You hum, interested.

His eyes quickly scan over you, taking in your form. This position, practically holding you hostage… Needless to say, he didn't dislike it.

Still, he releases you as he catches you glancing at what he assumes to be a phone. Things have advanced quite far since he was trapped.

You turn it on quickly, checking the time. “Well, we have around an hour and a half before my shift ends, so…” Pausing, you check the time again. An hour and a half?

He steps closer, you glancing back up at him before leaning back as he leans forward, looming over you. “Tomorrow, you best make this more fun for me. I’ll greet you, but then I’ll head to the back. Try and stop me from getting in.”

“Uh, sure. Are you still planning on making the punishment for loss, uh, death?”

His eyes narrow in coordination with a widening grin. “That’s for me to know. You either figure it out, or you don’t. It all depends how well you play.” His gruff voice slightly echoes in the mostly empty building, you nodding in response.

“Oh, cool. Can I tell my brother about you?” You ask suddenly, him quirking a brow as he stares down at you, easily at least half a foot taller than you. He was always tall, but now that he’s in this new form, he grew to be somewhere from 6’6 to 6’8. You sit down once more, exacerbating the height difference.

“Feel free to. Just know that if he ever comes around here, he won’t be alive for very long.”

“I doubt he will. He’s always preferred Foxy the most because he has taste, but-”

“Taste? For liking that liability-strewn fox? You like him as well?”

“To be honest, I never really liked any of them more than the other. I was in my emo phase when I went to see them, so it was practically illegal for me to like anything. But Foxy had sharp teeth and a wicked lookin’ hook, so… I guess I did.”

He hums, clearly slightly annoyed.

“Are you jealous that I liked the fox more than the rabbit that isn’t even the same generation as you?”

“I really should kill you.” His irritated expression shows the truth to your statement.

“It’s okay, I’m willing to call Springbonnie my favorite.”

Now, William was confused. Your tone… you weren’t joking. You were being genuine about something as stupid as this? What is with you?

“You’re very confusing. I think you joke, and then I listen to your tone and you’re genuine. But still, I wouldn’t mind if you did so.”

“It’s not nearly as confusing as how time passes in this place. It’s been like ten minutes since I met you but the clock says like three or four hours have passed.”

“What? Really?” His brows furrow as he steps closer, finding another excuse to close the distance between you both as he leans over the chair, seeing you pointing to the screen. “How strange…”

“Yeah. It doesn’t seem like tomorrow’s hunt will last for six hours, then. Thankfully.” You sigh.

“What, do you not want to feel like my prey for six hours straight?” He grins, leaning over further until his arm rests on your shoulder.

You shiver. “Why do you have to say it like that?”

“Because it makes you react, obviously. It’s entertaining to watch you squirm from something as simple as... the tone of my voice.” Of course, in order to prove his point, he does exactly what he did before, lowering his voice a few pitches and upping the growliness of it.

In covering your eyes, you also cover your cheeks, which have gained a slight flush. “William, I am begging you. Please, please, please, stop talking like that.”

And, naturally progressing, he was left somewhat stunned by the sound of your pleading tone. There’s just something about it, especially as you say his name, that makes him want to…

...makes him want to chase, and capture, and possess forever.

You as his prized prey, and him as the hunter.

“I’ll use it when necessary.” He vaguely answers, watching your head droop.

“I’ll take what I can get.” You concede breathily.

He chuckles, hearing the chime of a bell, signifying 6 in the morning. "Well, I suppose I'll see you tomorrow, then. Don't keep me waiting."

"Asshole. I won't." You turn your head away from him, hiding the flush on your face, and stand up, stretching. "See ya, William."

He hums, eyes tracing your form as you stretch. It was a nice view, watching the button up shirt crease around your back as you stretch, clearly hinting at the muscle beneath. His eyes did drift lower once or twice, and that's how he figures out that damn, you have a really nice ass!

You begin to walk out, and he follows you with his eyes, watching you turn past the replica Freddy husk and unlock the door, exiting into the fresh morning. His eyelids droop, gaze slipping up as his lips curl into a wide grin.

“Y/N… I won’t kill you. Especially not when I’m presented with such an ample opportunity to make this into something so entertaining.”

Well…

Is that the only reason?

Of course, he knows it isn’t.

His grin falls, leaving him coldly leering at the aged panels above him before his sight shifts back to the room around him. As he exits the office, he glances at the stained and shaded glass of the door, not allowing much, if any, light in. He turns away, heading back to where he was originally.

As he walks, he lets his form shift, feeling his body grow to his previous monster rabbit self, the creaks of his metal joints loud in the silent building.

He ignores any shadows that creep in the edges of his vision, the specters traversing without sound.

“This is going to be… boring.” His voice, far rougher than before, comes out unfeeling and croaky. As he returns to his previous position, slouching over once more, he decides to use his old tactic to pass time; inflicting enough pain on himself to fall unconscious. It doesn’t matter if his dreams are infested with darkness, nor how much he suffers in them.

It was better than the boredom of sitting in one position with an unchanging environment.

He begins forcing his muscles to flex and strain within the suit and pull against the beams they have welded to, making him grit his teeth before the searing pain fades away, along with his vision.

Goodnight, Y/N.

“Yo.” You greet your brother, the man tiredly yawning as he ruffles his hair.

“Heya, Y/N. What’re you up so early for?”

“Well, I got bored and got a night shift job at this dinky little horror attraction opening up next week. I decided to tell you about what happened there before I head off to sleep.”

“You got bored during a break from your job so you… got another job?”

“Y’know, William said the same thing.” You say, your brother narrowing his eyes at you.

“A coworker?” He asks.

“Eh, not quite… he is the reason I stayed up to talk to you, though.”

He hums, walking around the couch you were splayed on with your shirt half unbuttoned.

“So, to begin my tale, you remember Freddy’s? The pizzeria with the animatronics?” You question.

“Yeah?”

“Well the horror place I went to is based off of that; it’s filled with replicas and a few actual things from the pizzerias of the past, but something came in tonight that was… different.”

“Which was?”

“An animatronic. One of the originals, Springbonnie. Granted, the suit was ripped to shit and covered in enough dirt to be green, but it was authentic. It even has the dead body! Well - not so dead body, but still visible.”

“Did you call the cops?” He asks, worried.

“Hell no! I’m not paid enough to give a shit about what could-or-could-not-be a dead body. Either way, he transformed into a human, which was rather odd, but-”

“Just to be clear, this rabbit had a dead body inside and transformed into a human, and you don’t question it?”

“No. Continuing on, he got into my office and then we talked for a bit, I learned that his name is William, time passed really weirdly, and then we struck a deal where I have to keep him out of my office or I'll maybe die.”

“You’re still going back there?! And ‘maybe die?!’”

“Yeah, he said the knowledge about whether or not I die from losing the hunt was ‘for him to know.’ I didn’t question it further.”

“You know, Y/N, sometimes it feels like I’m the older sibling. You’re fucking stupid.”

“I’m well aware.”

He leans over the couch, glaring down at you. “Then wisen up and quit that damn job.”

“I’m good. William is good company.”

“He threatened to kill you!”

“And? He hasn’t. Yet.”

“You infuriate me, gayboy.” He says, stepping away from the couch.

“Cool. I’ll sleep here for now, when you get back from work I’ll definitely be up.”

“Whatever.” He waves his hand at you, ignoring the middle finger pointing his direction from behind the couch’s back.

---

Part 2

also a lot of the stuff i write from now on may be male reader inserts lol

heres my springtrap design

here's the updated design lol

#springtrap #springtrap x reader #william afton #william afton x reader #afton #fnaf #fnaf x reader #fnaf 3 #yandere #yandere fnaf #yandere springtrap #five nights at freddy's #yandere x reader #x reader #male reader #male insert #reader insert #fnaf springtrap #gay

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plaidbooks · 3 years

Text

The R Drug part 4

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long! I got swept up in bingos and lost motivation for it along the way. But it’s here now, and I hope you all enjoy it ❤

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Tags: alcoholism, mentions of alcohol poisoning, a lil bit of a steamy make out, but that’s it

Words: 2114

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @permanentlydizzy @ben-c-group-therapy @infiniteoddball @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass @caracalwithchips @beardsanddetectives @reading--mermaid @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell @dreamlover31 @objection-argumentative

Year 1:

Sonny hardly contacts you. You go weeks with nothing from him, only to wake up at 4am with a phone call and a very drunk Sonny.

“Sonny? It’s 4am here—”

“Doll…I’m so—” you can hear how his words slur, and you can also hear that he’s crying— “so sorry, doll. I shoulda neva touched ya like that—”

“Dominick, are you drunk?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, worried and annoyed at once. “So—sorry…so sorry…” and then he hangs up. You fell back onto the bed, concerned about him; Genoa was only six hours ahead of Manhattan. He was drunk at…10am. That wasn’t healthy.

Unable to fall back asleep, you shot him a text, making sure he was okay before you got in the shower. But he never responded. Sighing, you call his mom; you still had her number since Sonny called her from your phone, and you had been growing close with his parents.

She tells you that she’s worried he’s drinking away his problems, but every time she offers to go to Genoa, he shoots her down, telling her he needs time alone. You’re just worried that time alone means him sinking further and further into the bottle.

********************

Year 2:

You saw when your phone lit up, Sonny’s number flashing on your screen. You glanced around the precinct before answering your phone, heading for the on-call room for privacy. It had been three months since you had a drunken call from him, and you were going to lay down the law with him.

“Listen, Sonny, I can’t listen to your drunken ramblings while at work—”

“Ah, shit, ya at work, huh?” he asked, cutting you off. But he sounded lucid rather than drunk. “I’m sorry; I forgot the time difference. I just wanted ta talk, let ya know…I’m not drinkin’ anymore. Look, I’ll let ya go; text me when ya free so we can catch up…please.”

You felt bad for assuming, but with your only contact for the past year being drunk Sonny, it had become habit. “Y—yeah, I’ll see if I can leave early, okay? But don’t stay awake for me.”

“Don’t get in trouble fer me,” he replied, making you chuckle. “I’ll talk ta ya soon…and I’m sorry, fer the past year.”

*******************

You were no longer with SVU; it had been too hard working there, especially without Sonny. But you also couldn’t deal with the stares, even from your squad. So, you transferred to Homicide instead. And your boss thankfully let you leave early.

You texted Sonny the moment you were home, and instantly he was calling you.

“First, I wanna say I’m sorry fer the drunk calls—”

“Dominick Carisi Jr. If you say the phrase “I’m sorry” one more time, I’m going to fly to Genoa and smack you,” you replied, cutting him off.

He fell silent for a moment before he let out a laugh. “Yeah, I bet ya tired of hearin’ that, huh? Well…After ya left here, I—I spiraled. Hard. Turned ta the bottle, if ya couldn’t tell. But I hit the bottom, and I’m startin’ ta work my way back up.”

“What happened? What bottom did you hit?” you asked, breathless. You were happy he was telling you all this, because you had been so, so worried. But you also didn’t want to pry into his personal life or make him uncomfortable.

It took him a moment to respond. “I…it was 5am when I woke up, shakin’ fer a drink. I remember the first three shots as I made a cocktail, and then…. I woke up in a hospital bed, my stomach pumped. I guess I dropped ta the floor when I lost consciousness, and my downstairs neighbor heard it.”

“Oh my god, Sonny! Are you okay now?” you asked, wanting nothing more than to give him a hug, hold him to you.

“Yeah, I’m good now. I had my stomach pumped and part of my liver cut out, but I’m okay. I no longa have the urge ta drink, and I dumped everythin’ I had. But please, tell me what’s goin’ on with ya; how’s life at the precinct?”

You spent hours talking to Sonny that night, even though it was getting later and later for him. He had so many questions, wanting to know everything going on with you. He vaguely mentioned that he got a job at a grocery store as a cashier, but otherwise, he was focused on you.

****************

Year 3:

You and Sonny talked almost every day, falling back into your habits before all this mess happened. You joked around, sent funny pictures to each other, ranted about your days; it was almost as if nothing ever happened. Almost.

From the pictures, you could tell that he was getting tanner, and he started growing out his hair and beard, making you swoon. Not that you’d tell him that; you weren’t sure if he’d be okay with you flirting yet.

But you were happy that things were getting back to normal with you two. It had been almost 4 years since the club incident, and it barely crossed your mind anymore. You had dated since Sonny was in Genoa, but no one seemed to be working for you. At least you could make out with someone without having flashbacks, so you called it a win.

You knew why it wasn’t working out for you, though; you were in love with Sonny, had been since the moment you met him. You were able to move past the club, but you couldn’t move past him. That’s why you had hated yourself so much, and that’s why you felt terrible leaving him behind in Italy. When he kissed you outside the airport in Genoa, you had thought that maybe he had felt the same way about you. Then that first year with drunk Sonny happened, and you weren’t sure about anything anymore.

You were still close with his family, too. Ma Carisi often invited you over for dinner, and you met Sonny’s sisters. You were the emergency babysitter for both Mia (who didn’t think she needed a sitter, until she met you and had fun with you) and Bella’s little girl. And Pa Carisi enjoyed having debates about laws with you, plus the odd sports talk. Slowly, you became one of the family, and you loved them all like your own.

***************

Year 4:

Ma Carisi called you, inviting you over for dinner once again. You accepted, telling her you’d be there in thirty. You had to park on the street with all the cars there; the Carisi girls were home for dinner, as well. You smiled as you made your way up the path to the front door, then knocked. The door opened, but instead of Ma Carisi greeting you with a warm smile, it was Sonny.

“Hey doll,” he said, eyes lit up with amusement. You froze for only a moment before you were crushing him in a bear hug. You heard the huff of air as you took the air from his lungs, but you didn’t care; you had missed him so much. You had pinned his arms next to him, so he couldn’t even hug you back.

“Doll…ya crushin’ me…” he gasped, and you finally let him go. Though, you kept your hands on his arms, not believing that he was there, in front of you.

“Are you back for good?” you asked, your voice hushed. You were waiting for him to deny it, for him to say he was only visiting.

“I’m back fer good. Already got my apartment—” He was cut off again as you hugged him, burying your face in his chest. You couldn’t stop the tears that appeared, so happy to have your best friend back. He rubbed your back, murmuring that it’s all okay now, and you had the sudden urge to kiss him. You fought the urge, not wanting to complicate things.

Instead, you ran your hands over his back, then leaned away to look at him. “Have you been working out?” It was true that he was deliciously tan, his hair coifed, and his beard trimmed neatly. He was already so much more attractive than you remembered, even with the pictures he had sent.

He barked out a laugh, a gleam in his eye. “I have, yeah. Whenever I felt the urge ta drink, I instead went to work out. I’m not a body builder or anythin’, though.”

“I’m proud of you, Sonny,” you said, and you meant it. You had gone through hell after the club incident, but Sonny didn’t have a walk in the park either. And you were glad he had found himself.

A pink tint appeared on his cheeks as he smiled at you. He took your hand, kissed your knuckles, and you swooned.

******************

After the surprise greeting at the front door, he brought you into the house. Ma Carisi and all his sisters gave you a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, and Pa Carisi patted your shoulder; the normal greeting from the family. But now that Sonny was there, too, the energy was truly alive. Everyone was smiling and laughing, having a fantastic time together. The talk was loud, happy, and energized. It was almost as if Sonny hadn’t been hiding in Genoa for four years.

After the talk had finally died down, it was time for you to go home. Sonny offered to walk you to your car, and you agreed, not wanting to leave him quite yet.

“I’m so glad you came back, Sonny. I’ve missed you,” you said as you stood by your driver’s side door.

He grinned at you. “A promise is a promise. I told ya I’d come back once I was…better.”

“And are you better? Did you date at all in Genoa?”

His smile faded, and you worried you offended him. You were about to apologize when he spoke. “I am and I did. But no one there was…it fer me, ya know?”

“Yeah…same thing here. I dated a few people, but no one felt right—the spark wasn’t there. At least I had no flashbacks; I hardly remember that night anymore, to be honest,” you said, looking into his eyes, trying to gauge his reaction.

Sonny simply nodded. “Me either, really. It was so long ago…plus, I bet the drinkin’ didn’t help. But I do remember you, showin’ up outta nowhere on a random street in Genoa. Talkin’ me through the worst time of my life.”

“And I remember you, comforting me during a thunderstorm when you didn’t have to do that. Your emotions were everywhere; I couldn’t imagine the turmoil I must’ve put you through—”

“No, no, look at me,” he muttered, his warm hand cupping your cheek. “No matter what happens—in the past or the future—I wanna take care of ya, make sure you’re okay. Comfortin’ ya, it was a slice of normalcy after I thought I’d neva have that again. I needed ya there, and I’m so thankful I had ya.”

You smiled up at him, melting into his touch. His thumb stroked your cheekbone, and you felt closer to him than ever before. “You know what else I remember, Sonny?”

“Hm?”

Slowly, you leaned forward, going slow enough that he had plenty of time to pull away. But instead, he also leaned in until your lips brushed against each other. You smiled softly before you pressed your lips more firmly to his. The hand still cupping your cheek tilted you slightly, letting him kiss you a little more forcefully, his beard tickling you as he moved.

There was the spark that was missing from all your past relationships; you had felt it in the airport, but it wasn’t the right time. Now, however, there was nothing holding you back from deepening the kiss, your tongues coming together in a beautiful dance.

Sonny gently pushed you back against your car, the kiss getting more heated. Your hands went to his shaggy, luscious hair, tugging softly and making him moan into your mouth. His hands dropped to your hips, pushing you back against the car as his tongue memorized your mouth.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from you, both of you panting hard. You were about to suggest he show you his new apartment when he muttered, “I wanna take this slow. Please.”

You shut your mouth, nodding. You’d do anything to make him comfortable and happy. “I can do slow. As long as I have you, Sonny.”

His eyes brightened and he gave you his signature goofy smile. “Ya have me fer as long as ya want me.”

#sonny carisi x reader #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #fanfic #my writing

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