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im not a very patriotic woman but i nonetheless whole-heartedly support every drive-through employee’s constitutional right to be blazed out of their fuckin gourd

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there are some internet friends where eventually you start calling them by their real name and then there’s times where its like nah son your name is crispy forever

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It's so funny to me that it's possible to have verbal misunderstandings with animals.

This morning I made Ripley (a parrot) a foraging toy, as I often do before I leave for work, by putting a bunch of paper shreds in an old tea box with some peanuts and dried cherries. He hadn't touched it by the time I came home so when he was wandering around the living room restlessly looking for something to do I picked up the box and told him "hey, there's a peanut in here. You can get it out" and then I went back to my office.

After a couple minutes, he walked through the kitchen to where I was sitting at my desk and looked up at me and whispered "I get peanut?"

I said, "Buddy. I think you misunderstood me. The peanut is still in the box."

He tapped his beak on the floor, said "oh" in a really disappointed tone, and then helpfully suggested, "I step up get a peanut?"

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Apparently there was some kind of race scheduled at a local park or something so I've been trying to avoid the main trail but a little while ago when I had to cross near it I overheard the following shouted exchange

Higher feminine voice: woo, look at you go! You're jogging! Keep it up!

Lower masculine voice (panting): you know it! Last place is still a place, baby!

And goddamn if that didn't rewire my brain a little bit.

Last place is still a place, baby.

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Aging is hot. Gray hairs are hot. Smile lines are hot. Get with it.

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This is, perhaps, the funniest of the graphs

How ya doing down there on your own, The Odyssey by Homer?

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died and came back exactly the same but something was so so so wrong with me before and now I have an excuse to really lean into it

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my biggest pet peeve in the world is when landlubbers design cool fantasy pirate cabins but completely forget that they’re on a fucking boat. yeah here’s a loose shelf with 50 glass bottles of rum on the top shelf. no there isn’t any sort of guard on the edge. “yeah sorry cap’n we hit One Wave a little weird and every single glass item you own crashed into the ground at once”

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Not to be a lesbian but if you got swallowed by a dragon and died I would cut that dragon open and pull out your bones and painstakingly put your bones back together, so I can bring you back to life using ancient magic but in doing so I inadvertently tied you to the dragon that ate you and you’ll never be the same but neither will I knowing what I did to you.

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i think part of the reason lost media videos are so fun is that it more ethically scratches the same itch as true crime. a bunch of people online being amateur sleuths and going down rabbit holes is a lot easier to enjoy when theyre looking for a cereal commercial from 1991 instead of liike bothering the families of murder victims

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I never thought I'd say this but here it is!!

The long lost Gravity Falls "Next Time On," reel has FINALLY been found!

This right here is what made this show happen and the reason why every new Disney cartoon also has a next time on reel. GF's last big lost media hunt is over!

Alex Hirsch said that he was okay if this ever was to leak. So, if this goes down, blame Disney!!

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