#like my entire take is that we don't know enough - either view could be true | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unabashednightmarepizza · 9 months

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𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐵𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝐶ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑠

Summary: Being the director and also a single mum of 462818 people at the same time, being shown in Y/N. Y/L/N's newest Instagram post with some special guest

A/N: I really enjoy making these Instagram AU posts, and you will see my inner gremlin appearing lol and İ'll make a second and even third part for it!

Liked by benbarnes, jacktwolfe, aarontaylorjohnson and 5,897,476 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Did they force me to take them on a train ride? Yes. Did I loose a bet? Also yes. So, as a result, I'm broke now. Please start a campaign and funds.🤭🤗

Also, don't let Jack's innocence fool you, that man is a real life Wylan and is a menace to society. He ate 15 burgers. Fuck you 🖕😑

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User1: I love how Y/n is the sugar mommy of the cast djskdjsj

User2: The way she is trully the mom apart from being the director. They are like a family 🥰

Y/N: A family that uses me... Cruel, cruel kids. Look at their smiles! They know what they are doing 🥲

freddycarter1: you made us walk under extreme hot weather and left us to die in a desert! It's only fair 😌

Y/N: Shut up Kazzle Dazzle, and eat your burger! And I gave you umbrellas, ıt's enough.

Sab.Memes: Jack ate 15 burgers?! *Chokes on water* HOW CAN HE DO THAT?!

User4: I feel bad for Y/N, she earns money through them and still spend it for them 😂

Y/NFanforever23: She knows guys, she know the power the fans have!

Y/N: I watched people start campaign and cancelling celebrities, ending their whole life. FAN SUPREMACY IS THE ONLY TRUE POWER!! 🫡

Liked by benbarnes, shadowandbone, freddycarter1 and 3,789,968 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Here is a warning: I'm everywhere and I see all of you... Please keep doing God's work by making memes🤭

1. There is a reason why I chose Ben as Darkling, only one reason: He is the ultimate CEO of puppy eyes... A good way to manipulate people because I fell for it. And Leigh and I fought very hard for them to accept him already.

2. Apart from the fact that he killed innocents, manipulated kids and offered one to the Royal family, used many people and created the Fold alonsgide other War crimes... It seems my job is over *drops the mic and leaves the stage to go and write the New script,crying*

3. Real applause for Alina because I would have folded and accepted immediately.

P.S: Ben is getting ready to defend Darkling in his Insta story while avoiding me... And laying over my lap and making me play with his hair.

View 456,982 comments

kittheyounger: When exactly are you going to stop sharing memes of us?

Y/N: Never? You should be grateful I'm not sharing every one of your's fetus photos and the ones I took to blackmail you later :)

archierenaux3: Couldn't be me hehe

Y/N: Keep living in your dreams :) @archierenaux3

User7: She is so real for the third slide 🤣

User9: Ben is so babygirl for her I can't-

User3: The way Y/N just terrorizes the entire cast with those childhood photos is too funny to me 😂

User6: That's some Queen behaviour... another day another slay from Y/N 💯

User1: She is known to have a talent for taking photos when no one sees and notices her so... For all we know, she could take photos of us and we still wouldn't know.

User5: And she only annoys the male cast members... 😌🤔I wonder why she doesn't do the same with others?

Y/N: They are my little babies and precious wives, they could do no wrong 🥰

Benbarnes: Talk about favouritism... And I'm her boyfriend.

Y/N: And they are my wives, so? 🤗

Liked by benbarnes, tchalamet, lilyjcollins, kit.connor and 6,243,125 others

Y/N Y/L/N: Oh, the amount of chaos here... *Sips wine* 🤭🍷

P.S: He came to me crying and asking what was wrong with the fans... I said he was so hot for his own good and now, he refuses to meet my eye because he blushes too much... Sir, you are 41 not 15! Either way, what a cutie 😌🤭

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benbarnes: you promised to not share these!

Y/N: Haven't you learnt nothing is safe with me?

BenandY/N.mommy: I CANT- Y/N IS FEEDING US AND I LIVE FOR IT

User5: Poor Shadow Daddy... Show us more.🫣

User3: The cast once said that Ben blushes the most when Y/N is near or the one who compliments him... My heart can't take it!

User6: I want what they have! ❤️

User3: They both had become so good to each other, especially Y/N... Seeing my baby happy makes me cry tears of joy 🥹

User6: I hope they will get married already! We need little Y/L/N- Barnes in our lives 🥲

User4: When can I get a Y/N or Ben in my life?

User2: And just like that, I'm scared for what's waiting for us and Matthias in SaB season 3...

User1: ıf people doesn't know... Y/N is very good at drama and slicing our hearts and squeezing it painfully with her emotional scenes and talent for shooting those scenes just... Diferrently.

User3: We are doomed... Like girl, who hurt you that much?

Y/N: Trauma, tears, sadness and more trauma are what's waiting for yall probably... Sorry🫣 And I love watching and reading heartwrenching things in general, no one hurt me so don't come at Ben😄😇

benbarnes: Thanks love... Your fans scare me...

User1: Suddenly, ıt's a need to see Kaz and Monopoly together

Y/N: You wouldn't want that... Freddie gets too absorbed in his character and we thought it was a good idea to do this... It didn't turn out well

User5: The way Ben is scared of Y/N's fanbase is very funny... *Evil laugh* Sir, you are dating our girl, millions are after your ass as soon as we see a tear on her pretty face 🙎🔪

Liked by benbarnes, kittheyounger, amitasuman_, freddycarter1 and 10,895,675 others

Y/N Y/L/N: This cast had become my everything, all these amazing people changed me in the best way possible and I'm grateful to have met them. I'm known to always share funny things but today, I wanted to show my love and appreciation. I'm thankful for accepting the offer to direct and also take a role in this amazing job. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself, thank you for changing my life for the better and thank you for trusting me. shadowandbone :)

Thank you for the backstage workers who always gossipped with me and did their very best and made me fangirl at their job

Thank you for convincing me and holding a gun to my temple to accept this job and also writing this amazing book universe @lbardugo 🫡❤️ I'm hoping to talk to you soon again!

But the biggest thank you is for my dear boyfriend @BenBarnes. Thank you for always supporting me and loving me. Thank you for holding me when I needed, trusting me when I didn't and lifting me up with your dad jokes and thank you for being you. I'm the most grateful for you, and that won't change. I love you and your goofy personality even though you ate my last cookie 🥲❤️

Oh and a final note? These people and these pictures? Let the Fold take me :) shadowandbone

shadowandbone: A toast for the best director ever! We are glad to have someone like you! And there is no way out of the Fold :)

User6: The way she always includes everyone, down until the very last person in backstage is... Her heart is so amazing and her soul is so pure🥹

User2: You just know that they all love her so much.. Thank you for accepting and thank you for bringing our dream book to life Y/N 🥹

lbardugo: I wouldn't want anyone except you to this! You have so much potential and I was at ease knowing that the show was in good hands... Love you so much and İ'll eagerly wait for your other projects 🥹🥰 And I'm waiting for that meeting to, love! Just don't forget to spend time with Ben, he sulks like a puppy later 😂

Y/N: Thank you so much... OMG I'm crying at all the sweet messages now but you can be sure I'll spend all my time with him!

amitasuman_: We love you, Y/N! You are the best and thank you for always making sure we were fine and comfortable! Now, I'm off to cry🥹

Jessie_mei_li: Thank you for being you! I wouldn't have gotten a bestfriend like you if you hadn't accept!❤️ Thank you for assembling all of us, Queen of Fantasy!

freddycarter1: and also accidently adopt all of us in some ways...

User5: the whole Shadow and Bone cast looking at their director with heart eyes are making me jdkshdqkvwu🥰💞❤️😍🥺

User4: YEAH, THEY ARE SO LOVELY WITH EACH OTHER! BUT! Have you seen how Ben looks at her? I have been manifesting a man like hım over a decade now...

User1: Do you think she saw that fifth slide on Ben's Insta??

User4: Definetly! I wonder what her reaction was like...

Y/N: I was a Darklina hater my whole life until Jessie and Ben ruined it for me and made me just turn a blind eye... I regret making them shoot that scene but also not.

User2: OMG SHE ANSWERED

User1: she always does, another reason to live, laugh and love Y/N. Hı, Y/N!

Y/N: Hi, love! And btw yes, that video woke something in me... Which payed off iykyk 🤭

User6: when I learnt the whole cast, mainly Ben, was begging her to make a Marauders series is just... Wow... I hope she does that, she is the only one who could pull that!

User1: Remember when she said she would break the Net when the time comes? Might be it, who knows?🤔

User3: She also said she wasn't letting any of the cast go like that and had plans for every one of them... And that they were her slaves and had to do anything she told them lol

User4: People trust her with book adaptation because she always stays loyal to it, while also adding something from herself. It's normal everyone wants her to work on every book adaptation possible

User2: I wonder who she prefers the most: Kaz or Darkling?🤔

User5: Ben is her boyfriend so I think she would say Darkling because he would pout otherwise

User6: But she also said she often giggled and blushed while reading Kaz's point of view and specifically begged Freddy to audition

Y/N: The true question is: Are you a fan of terrifying blue eyes or deep, empty black eyes?

benbarnes: I'm forever lucky and grateful to have met you and be your boyfriend. I can never be proud enough of you since you have a habit of always exceeding yourself. I'll always be by your side through thick and thin, just as you do every day. You are my beautiful and succesfull girlfriend, my rock when I need you, my bestfriend when I need a good laugh and my other half and there is no enough words to explain my feelings but I'll stick to this one: I love you always. liked by Y/N Y/L/N

User1: And that's how you get away with eating a lady's last cookie 😂

User3: I'm not crying ıt's just their love in my eyes that stings 🥹

User5: I swear there is nothing I want more than see them getting married 😭

#shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone series #shadow and bone cast #shadow and bone #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes x you #instagram au #famous au #famous #celebrity imagine #celebrity reader #celebrity #celebrity au #imagine #reader insert #x reader #fluff

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sexhaver · 1 year

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While it’s stupid that people are arguing that AI art has no “soul”, it’s troubling that you made no mention at all of the concern many have about feeding AI with stolen art when you were clowning that ask. Just because that person was an idiot about that one part of the ask doesn’t mean they were an idiot about the other part.

firstable, the art isn't stolen. it is still on the artist's hard drive/website/portfolio. complaining about digital files being "stolen" makes you sound like the RIAA.

secondly, before you start arguing semantics about how "well obviously i didn't mean they were LITERALLY stolen, just used without permission," that's not even true either. the current legal theory they're operating on (until it gets challenged in court) is that the AI's output qualifies as a "transformative work", meaning it doesn't violate the original artist's copyright. your kneejerk reaction to this might be to expand copyright law to make this kind of use illegal, but that would also necessarily outlaw a LOT of art forms/techniques, like fanart, fanfiction, collaging, sampling, etc.

at a base level, these AIs aren't doing anything humans weren't already doing - human artists have been taking inspiration from other artists since the first cave painting. anyone telling you the AI is "just mashing together parts of existing art" or whatever has 1. no idea how AIs work because that aint it and 2. no idea how copyright works since "collaging parts of existing art" (which, again, is not what they're doing) is already explicitly protected as transformative work. we don't know enough about how humans OR AIs think to conclusively say that the way one makes art is quantitavely different than the other, and trying to make ethical or God forbid LEGAL judgements based on this imaginary, unmeasurable difference is a losing proposition from the start. there are reasons to be wary of AI art, but "the way an AI views my art and uses it to generate output is fundamentally different than how a human would do it, and that difference means that i am being wronged somehow" rings a bit hollow to me.

to be clear, there are definitely valid reasons to be wary of/dislike AI art. the main one that inevitably comes up is the impact it will create with artists who work on commissions. why would someone pay $50 and wait a week to get a picture of their fursona/concept art for their video game world when they could just punch a few sentences into an AI and have dozens of pics for cheap basically instantly? setting aside the obvious answer of "because most AIs actually suck at drawing really specific things", i feel like this is akin to complaining that the invention of the camera/daguerreotype put professional portrait painters almost entirely out of business. yeah, it did, and that sucked for them, but nobody would ever suggest boycotting the camera for those painters' benefit because that's the nature of technological advancement baybee!

also not to be a communist on main but i NEED to point out the possibly insultingly obvious fact that this is an issue with capitalism, not the "integrity of art" or whatever. the main negative impact the technology has on artists is potential loss of income due to competition, which would stop being an issue if your ability to stay alive was decoupled from your ability to work/sell your labor.

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tightjeansjavi · 11 months

Text

Endings Create New Beginnings

Burning in a Hopeless Dream | The Prologue: Part 2 (final part)

(Joel Miller x f!reader)

A/N: I genuinely feel like this might be the most complicated piece I have written in the sense that I went out of my comfort zone a little bit. Rather focusing on dialogue, I used a lot of descriptions of what the reader is going through, what she is mourning and what Joel is feeling as she goes through this. To be completely honest with you? This is beautiful. It’s tragic in the sense that these two people have no idea just how meaningful they will soon be to one another. I feel like I have done them a justice by writing their true beginning. There are dark themes throughout this piece so please tread carefully. Please read part 1 before this piece and while this is Joel and Gwen’s story, I have written it as a readers perspective. There are no physical descriptions of the reader.

Thank you for reading ♡

~word count: 5.1k~

Summary: after losing your lover, and friends of 5 years, you find yourself running straight into Joel Miller, and his partner, Tess Servopoulos. You don't know it then, but your life is about to drastically change forever.

Warnings: dark themes, depression, mourning, suicidal thoughts, guilt of one’s death, feelings of being trapped, isolation, dark thoughts in both the reader and Joel’s mind, hinting at soulmates without directly stating it, stubbornness, banter, empathy, jealously, secret pining, feelings of denial, mistrust, anxiety, brief depiction of a knife wound, stitches, alcohol consumption, confusing thoughts, fear of the unknown, no use of y/n, no physical descriptions of the reader, (+18) minors dni!

Songs Used:

“I Wonder” by Shawn Mendes

“The Alcott” by The National and Taylor Swift

“Lift Me Up” by Rihanna

“The View Between Villages” by Noah Kahan

“Everything Has Changed” by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran

“My Cell” by the Lumineers

“Second Chances” by Gregory Alan Isakov

“Dear Patience” by Niall Horan

“After the Storm” by Mumford & Sons

You quickly came to the realization that Joel and Tess’s ‘empathy’ only stretched so far. You weren’t even sure if empathy was the right word to use, especially when it came to Tess. She had no issues showing her glaringly obvious distaste towards you. You really couldn’t blame her, simply for the fact that only a mere few hours ago, you had thrown your knife at Joel’s face. If you were in her shoes, you would have felt the same way that she did.

Joel and Tess didn’t take you to the QZ right away. It created a rather awkward, and tense situation given the circumstances. Your mind played tricks on you, and made you believe that maybe the pair had changed their mind. Maybe they were going to kill you after all. Joel could smell the stench of your fear from a mile away as he slowed his heavy footsteps down.

“Easy.” He spoke softly to you. “We have to wait for nightfall before we can sneak you in. There’s a set curfew that starts at 6pm, till 6a.m. Tess and I are always breakin’ the rules, and this ain’t our first rodeo. FEDRA only patrols specific blocks at a time. Our apartment isn’t far from the main entrance. So, once it’s late enough, we’ll sneak you in through the tunnel system. You won’t have to worry about runnin’ into any QZ residents either. If we do happen to be caught by FEDRA, you run, and you don’t don’t look back. Do I make myself clear?” His back was resting along a nearby tree, arms crossed over his chest. His tone may have been soft, but you averted making eye contact with him regardless.

“How long have you and Tess lived in the QZ?” you scratched the outside of your arm absentmindedly. The rain had since long passed, but your clothes were entirely soaked through. Joel could see your body trembling, shivering from where he was leaned up against the tree.

“A while. I’ll be honest, ain’t no one really keeps track of how many days, months, years have gone by. They’ve all blended together for me at this point.” He gave a small shrug of his shoulders before he gently pushed himself off the tree, taking a few steps towards you. “Hey, are you cold? Would you like my jacket?”

You took a hesitant step back when he approached you and Tess scoffed at your inability to recognize that Joel wasn’t going to kill you. He wasn’t going to harm you. She turned her nose up at the fact that you were still acting like a frightened cornered animal.

“No thank you. I’m fine. Please..don’t come any closer to me.” You whispered.

Joel let out a visible sigh as he shrugged his thick layered jacket off of his body. “You’re gonna catch a nasty fuckin’ cold shiverin’ like that. Take the jacket.” He firmly demanded as he held the coat in his outstretched hand towards you. “I won’t come any close to you, but take the damn jacket.”

You knew he was right and despite wanting to show a hint of stubbornness, and to prove that your brain hadn’t entirely been fried by trauma, you reached for his coat, grasping the material between your fingers. You briefly made eye contact with him as you slipped your arms through the sleeves. The material was warm, warmer than you had expected. The outside layer of fabric had a residual scent of whiskey, pine, and woodsmoke. A wave of nostalgia washed over you, and Joel could see the emotions swirling through your pupils, as if they were trying to tell him a story; mapped out delicately in your irises.

“Thank you.” Your tone was barely above a whisper.

“Don’t mention it.” He returned to his prior position against the evergreen, arms crossed, stern gaze falling on you.

When the sun began to set, and the sky grew into an endless black pit, with only the pale moonlight to guide you, Joel and Tess guided you to their secret entrance into the QZ. A series of underground tunnels that ran under the QZ. Smuggling routes that Joel and Tess knew by heart.

The tunnels had you feeling claustrophobic in some moments. With only Joel’s flashlight as a light source, it was easy for your heart to start racing in your ribcage. Everytime you could hear the sound of Fedra trucks driving above ground, you squeezed your eyes shut tight. You had heard hushed whispers of what the quarantine zones were really like and more than ever now, you were missing your close knit camp with your once living friends.

Tess was the first to climb out of the hole in the ground, surveying the area while Joel offered you his hand and carefully hoisted you up. The streets were quiet sans the distant shouts of FEDRA soldiers. Joel was already nudging you up the street, gun drawn at his side. You were overwhelmed with the newfound stench of the quarantine zone. A mixture of filth, soot, and ash burned your nostrils and watered your eyes. The smell of rotting flesh nearly had you gagging, feeling lightheaded. Had they lied to you? Why did they bring you here? Was the quarantine zone just disguised as a raiders commune? Joel promised he wouldn’t hurt you, he promised–

“Hey, hey. Easy now darlin.’ You’re safe. That smell? It’s..not what you think it means.” He whispered under his breath as he gently grasped your arm. “When FEDRA brings in potential new residents, they’re put through a series of screenings and tests. If you’re found to be infected..they administer a shot that puts ya to sleep. Pretty much is like euthanizing a dog, or a cat. After they put you to sleep, your body is burned in a huge pit. It’s one of the more grueling jobs in the QZ, but it pays well with ration cards.”

Tess was already a few lengths ahead of you and Joel as she impatiently waited for the two of you. “Uh, any day now would be really fuckin’ nice.” She harshly whispered through the dead of night.

“C’mon. Our apartment is just a couple blocks east. We gotta move fast though, alright?”

All you could do was nod as Joel nudged you in front of him to keep moving forward. He couldn’t see your face, but he just had a feeling that his jacket was bringing you some form of comfort similar to the way you felt earlier. You were indeed using his jacket, and the nostalgic smell it gave off to pacify your apprehension. Whether or not Joel saw you turn your face into the collar, was the least concern on your mind.

Whiskey, pine, woodsmoke. Whiskey, pine, woodsmoke. Whiskey, pine, woodsmoke.

Home. Home. Home.

Joel and Tess’s apartment was not what you were expecting it to look like. There was an odd sense of comfort that the small living area particularly gave off. Perhaps it was the dense multi-colored quilt that rested along the weathered couch. The quilt itself looked well loved, and you imagined being wrapped in it must have felt as close as a warm hug did. She gave the best fucking hugs. She’s dead now. You left her for dead. Her body is rotting away in the earth, and the insects have made their home in her flesh and here you fucking stand. You hadn’t even heard Tess shuffling around in the tiny kitchen behind you. You hadn’t detected the sound of a liquor bottle being popped open. Nor the splash of amber into a chipped crystal glass. All you could hear were her distant screams, and your ears painfully ringing in your skull.

“..Darlin?’” There was a certain edge to Joel’s voice. A low rasp that was ridden with exhaustion, and his own terrors. He wanted to tread carefully when approaching you. He wasn’t sure why he gave a damn in the first place. Why did his last shred of humanity fall upon your trembling shoulders? He could see your lower lip wobble in the faint reflection of the grime covered windows. He knew your friends were dead. Raiders had murdered them and you ran. There was more to the story. There were always more pages left unturned. Whatever words were written on your parchment, he imagined they were painful. The kind of pain that had you clutching your fist to your chest, clawing at the skin to rip your heart from its strings. The kind of pain that wrecked silent sobs through your body. Where tears were un-shed because your body had spent them all. The kind of pain that dried your soul to dust, ash between your trembling fingers. The kind of pain that would have your arms squeezing your broken body so tightly, you couldn’t breathe. Rocking yourself as a mother would rock a crying child except, no one was there to hold you. No lullabies were to be sung, no soft touches were to be felt. No one was there to tell you that the world wasn’t always this cruel. That the sun would always shine another day, warm your skin, feed your soul. That you wouldn’t feel trapped, clawing desperately to reach the surface as the current drags you further and further into darkness. Waves crashing, tumbling, jostling what is left of your withered being until you give up. Phantom shadows, enveloping you in a never ending chill. So cold. So alone. So broken. So beaten.

Joel knew the inner turmoil that you were facing as if it was the back of his hand. It was in a sense. He too knew of indescribable pain not that long ago. When his own soul was turned to dust between his fingers. When her body went cold in his arms as he clutched her to his chest. When he felt like breathing was the hardest thing to do. When his own tears were spent, deep salty caverns laid their claim on his cheekbones that used to ache from joyous laughter and smiling too hard. He knew of the pain you presently endured all too well.

His hand gently clasped over your shoulder, squeezing the worn fabric that encased your skin in warmth. “C’mon. I’ll uh–I'll show you to your room, okay?”

You shuddered from his touch, feeling your senses being knocked back into you like a wrecking ball turning concrete to rubble. You pulled away from his touch, caving in on yourself.

You felt his hand retract and fall to his side. He let out a deep sigh as he made brief eye contact with his partner that wasted no time on giving him the “I told you so” look before she downed her glass of whiskey in one harsh gulp, slamming the glass down on the counter with a crashing thud.

The sudden sound sent your body jolting as you followed Joel’s heavy footsteps down the narrow hallway. He pushed the door at the end of the hall open, standing off to the side. “It ain’t much, but you got a bed to sleep on and a decent blanket to keep warm. I’ll have to convince Tess to lend you some of her clothes. I imagine you ain’t got much in that bag of yours. Anyway, you should get some rest. You’re safe now.” His arms were crossed over his chest as he leaned against the peeling wallpaper.

“Thank you.” Was all you could muster out as you stepped into your new living space. Joel was right. It wasn't much, but it was more than you had in years.

“You’re welcome.” He softly pulled the door shut to give you the privacy that you didn’t realize you were desperately seeking. You listened to the heavy creaks of the floorboards beneath his boots disappear. You stood there for what felt like hours before you slowly sunk down onto the old mattress. You didn’t move. You didn’t cry. You didn’t sleep. You sat there all night long staring into the void as your mind ran excruciating circles. Head rocking like a pendulum with no end in sight. Eyes glazed, lifeless, dull, ghostly. As if all the wondrous color had been sucked from your soul. The world through your eyes now was dark, dismal, tenebrous. A swirling black pit oozing with sorrow. Dripping in overflowing guilt. Like toxic sludge bubbling and bursting through the cracked crevices in the fragments of your vanquished heart.

It's all my fault.

I did this.

I caused this.

She’s dead.

They’re dead.

Here I am, surrounded by darkness in an undeserved warm bed.

Wishing I was dead too.

Two broken heartstrings, bleeding the sad sad blues. Separated by thin walls, peeling wallpaper, creaky floorboards. Two shattered souls; unbeknownst on how devoted they would soon grow for one another. Silent sobs, nightmares, darkness consumed. Struggled breaths, dealt the same cards; fortunes foretold, they have met before.

You mourned the loss of your lover and friends for what felt like endless years. In reality, it was two weeks of you isolating yourself in your room. Two weeks of numbing yourself to the pain where all that was left was the outer shell of who you used to be. Where was she now? You had yourself convinced that part of your soul died along with the ones that you loved. Maybe it had, and maybe that part of you was never going to reach the surface again.

You soon learned that Joel Miller was a persistent man. He respected your privacy, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t go out of his way to make sure that you hadn’t offed yourself in those two long weeks. He would leave food outside your door in hopes that you wouldn’t let yourself wither away entirely. Each morning, he’d find the wrapped jerky, and long since stale biscuits untouched.

On the nights where Joel was unable to relax into sleep, he’d quietly, and carefully untangle his limbs from Tess’s before leaving their shared room. He’d find himself seated against your door, back aching at the uncomfortable angle he was in. For whatever reason he was feeling desperate to know anything, and everything he could about you. Your name, where you were from, did the sorrows and grief of your past haunt your dreamless nights just as his did?

“Can you just fuckin’ let me know you’re alive behind this door? ‘Cus I’m sitting here with an achy back for whatever goddamn reason so the least you can do is let me know you’re alive. Would greatly appreciate it.”

He was met with no answer from the other side of the door.

“Can you tell me your name, darlin?’” You heard his whisper through the thin door that separated him from you. Maybe he needed to take a softer approach, despite the fact that Joel Miller was anything but soft.

“I can’t tell you my name.” You spoke soullessly through the impending darkness that surrounded you.

So you weren’t dead behind the door, thank god. He thought to himself.

“Why can’t you tell me your name?” He pressed you further.

A pregnant pause, seconds ticking by as he awaited your answer. The floorboards creaked beneath your feet as you slowly rose from the crumpled sheets, and padded quietly to the door. You sunk down, back against the thin wood right where he was resting on the other side.

“Because everything that’s mine is a landmine Joel. Every single fucking person that knows my name is dead. Every. Single. One. They’re all dead. You’re better off not knowing my name or who I am, or where I came from. Knowing someone’s name is personal. It becomes a personal interaction and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want anything to do with that.” You pulled your knees up to your chest, resting your chin against them with a heavy sigh.

“Now listen, I ain’t into all that superstitious crap. So you’re tellin’ me that you think everyone who knows your name is like fuckin’ doomed or somethin?’ That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever fuckin’ heard darlin.’” I ain’t gonna die if you tell me your name.” He fought the urge to scoff but you could feel his demeanor through the door.

“Well, fine. What about you? What’s your story?..Joel…?” You paused, realizing you only knew his first name.

“Miller. Last name is Miller, and wouldn’t ya like to know, darlin.’” He was smirking to himself as he crossed his arms over his chest taking in a deep inhale before exhaling.

“Well, yeah. That’s why I asked.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m not tellin’ you anythin’ ‘bout myself till you tell me your name.” He stated as a-matter-of-factly.

“Oh? Well, guess that just means you’re gonna be sitting there for an awful long fucking time, Joel Miller from Texas.”

“How the hell did you know I was from Texas? Is my accent really that thick?” His eyes were open now as he gently rested the back of his head against the door.

“Yeah. It’s a pretty obvious southern accent. Hard to miss it.”

“Fair enough. How about this, can you give me the first letter of your name?” He was still on the topic of your name? For fuck sakes, did this man ever give up?

“No.” Was your immediate response.

“C’mon. Just the first letter, and then I promise I won’t ask ya again. Deal?”

You rubbed your fingers against your temples taking a deep breath when you realized that Joel was absolutely persistent in the most insufferable way possible. You mumbled out the first letter of your name begrudgingly.

“Was that so hard to tell me?”

“Yeah, it was. Now can you please fucking drop it? I don’t want to tell you my name, and I’d really would just appreciate the fact if you would just fucking accept that, alright? Thanks.”

Joel could sense your frustration through the door as his nails picked at the skin around his cuticles till they would tear and bleed. The light sting of his skin being split open was one that was familiar and oddly soothing. “Alright, darlin.’ I won’t pry any further. You have my word.”

A few minutes of silence had passed between the two of you. The floorboards creaked beneath his weight as he turned his body, resting his cheek along the splintered wood with a heavy sigh. It was frustrating to him that he couldn’t quite figure out why he was so immediately drawn to you. That he was causing his back to ache even more and for what? Just so he knew that you were alive? Why the hell did he care so much?

This became a routine for the two of you on the nights that sleep would not come. Sometimes you’d sit in complete silence and other times Joel would press for you to talk about anything. He wanted to get to know you, in whatever way you would allow him too. It was a challenging task and you proved to be tougher than he thought.

You never wanted to admit it, but Joel Miller wasn’t the most awful company to have in the odd hours of the morning.

It took just about a month for you to find your footing. Your body physically could not handle mourning what was no longer physically there in your grasp. Your brain was constantly in survival mode. Even now when you clearly were safer than you had ever been before, your brain hardly let you rest. Joel was not lying when he said that the most grueling jobs in the QZ paid handsomely in ration cards. You took every shitty job you could get your hands on. It was a good distraction from the constant thoughts racing through your mind. It was tricky, but somehow you had avoided working any jobs with your new “roommates.”

Despite your efforts to remain neutral with Tess, you still managed to evoke the woman in showing a deep distaste for you. She was far more intimidating than Joel was. It was obvious who was the brains of their operation, but you were also aware that Tess packed a lethal bite. It was only a short time ago that she threatened to gouge your eyes from your skull.

Some weeks you wouldn’t see Joel or Tess for days at a time. Not that it really bothered you because having the apartment to yourself had its perks. The biggest one being you didn’t feel like you had daggers trained on the back of your head. The downfall was that you were alone with your thoughts..and they weren’t going away.

“You enjoyin’ those late night chats with our new house guest?” Tess bitterly asked as Joel was patching up her arm alongside a crumbling alley outside the QZ. They had just traded a couple guns for some pills when 2 outsiders ambushed. Joel of course made both thugs regret that they had ever been born, but Tess had a fairly large gash along her forearm from a switchblade. Luckily for her it wasn’t muscle deep, but she’d still need stitches.

“What’re talkin’ about Tess?” Joel met her burning gaze as he dabbed away the blood. There was a stray sweaty curl blurring his vision and he paused his movements when she gently brushed it away.

“You don’t know what I’m talkin’ about? Bullshit, Joel. The walls are paper fuckin’ thin. Look, don’t you think she’s more than capable of bein’ off on her own? I agreed that we not kill her, but for fuck sakes. I don’t like the fact that she’s livin’ with us.” Tess didn’t want to admit outloud, but the main reason for her distaste towards you was because she viewed you as a threat. To what exactly? Well, it wouldn’t take a rocket science to figure out that Tess Servopolous was finding herself growing jealous anytime Joel diverted his attention from her, onto you. She knew it was silly, and a little embarrassing at the core, but Joel was hers. She was his, and she’d be damned if anyone got between that.

“Do’ya hear yourself right now? Look, you wanna be mad at me because I just wanted to make sure she didn’t off herself during those two weeks? Fine. Go ahead and be upset with me. I know it ain’t like me to take in strays and bring ‘em home. You and I both know that if we left her in those woods, she would have died. Hell, if Tommy were here? He probably would have killed her as soon as she threw her knife at my face. Do ya remember when he and I found you? Alone, and afraid? It wasn’t that fuckin’ long ago that you were a shell of yourself too, Tess. Tommy and I took ya in. We could have killed you, we could have left you for dead but we didn’t. Not long after you told me what happened to your husband and son. You told me about your loss, and the sacrifices you made to stay alive. I get it, you don’t like her for your own reasons, but you ain’t all that different from each other.” He concluded as he finished stitching up her wound, wrapping it firmly in some cloth before he grasped her hand and helped her up from the rocky ground.

“Fine. All i’m gonna say is that she’s gotta start pullin’ her own weight ‘round here too. You’re the one who said she might be useful to us. So, lets get some good use out of her. Today was a perfect example as to why this operation ran much smoother with three people.”

“Don’t worry. She’ll be goin’ on runs with us soon enough.” Joel zipped up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder along with his rifle. “Let's go home.”

It was springtime now. The air was warmer, there were birds outside the window that could be heard. The sun shone brighter. Despite all of this, you still felt trapped. Trapped in this apartment, trapped in your thoughts, trapped in a droning routine that was draining you day by day. You were desperate to get out. To let your lungs breathe the fresh forest air once more. Your wish was manifesting faster than you thought it would. Joel and Tess were meeting up with their two unlikely friends, Bill and Frank. Tess was against the idea at first, but you learned that Joel could be incredibly convincing when he wanted to be. That’s how you ended up outside the QZ walls after months. Joel would never say it outloud but he wanted to give you a taste of normalcy after everything you had been through. He wasn’t expecting you to thank him or anything. You owed him your life, this was true. However, he’d never ask you to repay him. He only hoped that perhaps you and him could become friends. If friends was even the right word for the journey you and him would find yourselves enduring together.

Frank adored you the moment he laid eyes on you. You believed that people had many different soulmates in their lifetime. Frank had to be your platonic soulmate in every sense. The older man was like a breath of fresh air in your lungs. His hugs reminded you of home, and his eyes were welcoming and kind. He doted you as his “little bird” when you explained why you couldn’t tell him your name. Soon enough you were being whisked into his world of art, music, books, and the simple pleasures in life that you weren’t sure if you’d ever have the privilege of experiencing again.

He showed childlike excitement when you gushed over his artistic abilities. He had all different sizes of canvases in his art room. Many of which were paintings of his polar opposite lover. He also loved to paint nature, flowers, and his favorite plants. The colors were warm, vibrant, and full of life.

“One day I'll paint a portrait of you in the wildflowers out back, how does that sound to you little bird?” His warm arm was wrapped loosely around your shoulder, a warm smile gracing his gentle features.

You were almost certain that you had met Frank in a past life. You felt as if you had known this man forever, and now you were catching up over coffee, and spilling secrets of your shared pasts. You adored him just as much as he adored you. “Wait, there’s wildflowers out back? A whole field of them?” You looked up at the older man with a bright full of life smile. You couldn’t remember the last time you had smiled this hard.

“Yes! An entire field of them. They’re all in full bloom. Would you like me to show you?” He offered you his elbow like the true gentleman he was.

You nodded enthusiastically, grasping his elbow gently as he led you out into the backyard. Your eyes watered when you gazed upon an entire field of different species of wildflowers that sprouted up between the tall thick wild grasses. Asters were your favorite, as Frank came to learn. They were all beautiful of course. Butterflies danced around your head like a fluttering halo. Their delicate wings were different hues of purple as you carefully plucked the flowers into a homemade bouquet.

Joel had been watching from afar. His arms were crossed over his chest, broad muscles bulging through the worn fabric of his flannel. He was half paying attention to the conversation Tess and Bill were having as he was too distracted by you. There was something so surreal to him, seeing you relaxed, and in your element. Could flowers truly bring one person that much pure joy? What was so special about these particular flowers? Did they remind you of home? Were they your favorite? Or did you simply just think they were pretty? Joel wondered as his jaw clenched tightly. Why were you able to find happiness in the littlest of things, and yet he couldn’t. He wondered what it would be like to see the world through your eyes at that moment. A world full of color and life. A world that wasn’t black and white.

Joel Miller wondered, and it terrified him.

He wondered if he was always being real. He wondered if he always spoke his truth, or does he filter how he feels? He wonders why he is so afraid of saying something wrong, when he never claimed to be a saint. He wondered why on the loneliest nights when he would cry into his hands, it conditioned him to feel like he was less than a man.

He wondered—

And then you met his gaze. Eyes sparkling under the warm rays of the sun. A soft smile gracing your lips. A smile different from the one you portrayed around Frank. No, this was a smile that would make any man weak in the knees. A smile that would send a man to his early grave if he never got the privilege to see it again. A smile that would now rot Joel Miller's brain to mush for the rest of the day. A smile that he felt like only he was supposed to see. A smile that had him wonder if one day you’d be by his side and promise him that the world would end up alright.

Your smile hit him like a freight train colliding with his body over, and over again.

It was true, Joel could not stop thinking of the way you smiled at him earlier in the day. He thought about it at the dinner table where he was sitting across from you. He thought about it when he found you and Frank seated side by side at the piano, giggling like two drunk fools after a few too many glasses of wine. Heads leaning against one another like old friends.

He thought about it during the odd hours of the night while Tess was asleep at his side. He stared up at the ceiling, picturing what it would possibly be like to be loved by you. Your smile was etched into his brain like a fucking tattoo. He blinked, and it wouldn’t go away. His thoughts were flooded with you.

darlin’, if my memories of you were ever stolen from my mind, my only hope is that you’d forever haunt my dreams, as someone I used to know; who is now a phantom of my past unknown.

Fin

Tag List: @chaotic-mystery @peterhollandkait @yuly @soft-cryptids @dinsdjrn @myrealmofchaos @itskenziebb @lovers-liability @korynnekorynne @ems-alexandra @kirsteng42 @casssiopeia @novemberrain-writes @goodwithcheese @loquaciousferret @sarahhxx03 @777-wonders @bonglorddaryl @mirasantidotes @luvrking @finnsbubblegum @last-girl @pedrostories @yazsos @pedgeitopascal @wildemaven @sourccream @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @amanitacowboy @morning-star-joy

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raw-law · 5 days

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1. If you could change anything, what would it be? (Excluding childhood and things related to crime because I've already asked about those).

2. I've seen quite a few posts asking about what future you two want for yourself, but do you ever want to. Start a family of sorts? It doesn't have to be kids just like. Getting married, I suppose.

-☾

Light:

1. The whole world.

This is really a no-brainer for me. This whole world is ruined from the inside out. Whether it be the people, the physical land itself, humanity...it's all ruined. Rotten to its core.

You've got to take the problem on at its roots. It's all because humanity isn't really...human anymore, is it? The good apples are few and far between. We've become uncaring, cold, manipulative. We're destroying our fellow people, and hacking away at the Earth until there's nothing left for us to destroy.

So if it was up to me, I'd change the whole thing. Make it a utopia filled only with goodness, crime-free, so no-one would have to live in fear any longer. Make it so that the world doesn't have to suffer anymore. It's all because of humanity, isn't it?

Maybe then we could all be happier.

That's my view, anyways---thanks for asking.

2. I guess that would be the logical thing to do, wouldn't it? My family will probably start pestering me to marry in another 6 to 8 years, and I have to say, I'm not quite looking forward to it. I haven't really fallen in love with anyone romantically, I suppose, and I don't fancy spending the rest of my life with some random person I don't even remotely like (i.e., Misa).

But if I do manage to find someone special---they'll probably be in my line of work, honestly---then I guess I'll marry. Though I'm not big on having children. There's enough chaos at work already; no need to add to it.

1. probably technology use, specifically in this day and age.

i know what it sounds like, and i don't entirely like that i have the stance to begin with because i know how conservative and hardheaded it sounds. it also doesn't help how ironic it is considering i'm talking about this online, but it's true.

it bothers me how reliant we are on technology. it doesn't feel like a tool anymore... it's like a need. it rots not only our society but our environment as a whole. it's a bit like what light has stated. humanity doesn't feel human anymore. that thought terrifies me.

i think the late 2000s and early 2010s was the peak of using technology in a positive way. after that, it just... all feels so corporate. it's hard to watch, especially as somebody who supports technology advancement. i just wish it would advance for the better, not whatever we have now..

2. i'm not big on having a family either. children and spouse included. it's not something i'm particularly worried about, or necessarily want in general.

if i did meet someone i was really that fond of, and they wanted a marriage, i wouldn't deny them that. i'm fine without being married though. and with kids, i think i'd only have one if i somehow got stuck with one. in the sense of "some kid came up to my doorstep and i'd feel too guilty to close the door." that's really all though.

#fictive #l lawliet #death note #dn #light yagami #ask blog

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empty-pizza · 10 months

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Hey so maybe I've missed it but what do you think, did harrow got to break in the tomb when it was a kid or no?

During my first read was a good fridge moment to get the answer and now I wait for anyone reading this book to get it

idfk! My general view on this kind of thing is that, an author can take it either way. I'm about to go into a full logical breakdown of it, but the author has full ability and right to say that all of my assumptions were wrong and it doesn't work remotely the way I think it does. Both paths for the story are entirely valid and potentially interesting!

All of that said, I'll still try to think it through a little.

We know that Harrow made it in somewhere. God said he wasn't sure what false chamber or whatever she made it into, but why would there be a false chamber? Would the Ninth House have constructed such a thing at some point? Why? That would imply there's some Ninth House scandal in their past where some other bombshell blonde had to be imprisoned. Or Harrow is just so insane that she imagined the whole thing, which would be very unsatisfying.

Harrow sees the Body. Wherever she made it into, it left this magical-psychological imprint on her. This leaves three possibilities: She made it into the Tomb, and Alecto has been part of her mind because magic. She made it into some other chamber, holding something which just also had the ability to enter her mind. Or she's that crazy. Her being that crazy would be unsatisfying, and I think that the lore would feel inelegant if there's just some completely different thing that can cause this. It clutters the concepts, and takes away narrative space to actually explore what should be interesting about the Tomb itself and Alecto herself.

Another possibility is that Harrow didn't make it into the Tomb, but did make it far enough that Alecto could enter her mind like this.

Narratively, I think the reason you raise a possibility like "Harrow is deluded and didn't actually enter the Tomb" is not so that a book or two later, you can say "Yes, it continues to be true that she didn't enter the Tomb." It's so you can mess with the reader's mind and gaslight into thinking Harrow didn't enter the Tomb, so that we can then say that she did. That, or it reveals some unexpected third thing that provides equal surprise value. It would just feel structurally flat if God was right about what he said. If the answer is supposed to be that Harrow didn't enter the Tomb, then we would reveal that, and give further explanation (of things like why she thinks she did and sees the Body) at the same time. Not claim it but leave it as a further open mystery.

We know it is possible to enter the Tomb without God, if you're his kid. The reason Gideon didn't die to the gas is probably because she's this universe's Jesus equivalent (this disqualifies her from being my favorite character), but maybe the attempt to kill her did something funky and gave Harrow some of her... essence? I dunno if this one makes sense; they implied it was really about like, cellular DNA, not souls or anything. Maybe Harrow had some of Gideon's spit on her while she tried to enter. Still, this is at least proof that the Tomb is not impossible to open without God. Sanderson's First and all; we can provide a magical explanation to how Harrow got in, but it does need some foreshadowing somewhere, such that it's an a-ha! moment rather than an asspull. The thing is, the base concept of Alecto being visible to Harrow like this, is super vague! Whether or not that's caused by Harrow entering the Tomb, there's clearly some big magical stuff going on that we don't know the details on yet. Along with what kind of monster Alecto is. Now, sure, we can say that God has explained the rules and thus those rules can't be broken — but we also know from Harrow seeing the Body that there are more rules going on than those which have been revealed to us, therefore the possibilities are endless and we can't say that Harrow having entered the Tomb is impossible.

All of this combined, I think the more likely outcome is that Harrow did enter the Tomb and see Alecto. But you know, I'm not even sure if that was the question you were asking. Like, it's possible that the answer is supposed to be something we can figure out already, if we pay close enough attention to the evidence. Everything I said was trying to predict things off the presumption of a future reveal. If it is possible to figure it out for sure by now, then I can safely say that I haven't.

...you know, this is completely unrelated, but I only just realized the sheer extent to which Harrow is inspired by a certain character from Umineko. I literally can't even describe why because of how insanely big of a spoiler for Umineko it is, but it involves the stuff we're talking about right now. Harrow is for sure fairly different, and has a lot of her own stuff going on, but this one aspect is so specific as something so similar.

#pizza reads locked tomb #the locked tomb #tlt #harrow the ninth

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eponastory · 6 months

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*clears throat* Ahem... Behold my premise for Sparda.

I have started on Character bios and first I want to start off with the whole summary with Sparda's Anthology.

It's all my headcanon.

None of what I'm going to write is Canon and is all subjective because it's my version of what happened within my own special Devil May Cry Universe/Headcanon. It is based on actual Canon, but I wanted to expand the lore a bit.

Let's start with Sparda himself.

Yes, I had to use AI to create this image and it's as close as I can get to what Sparda looks like in the family portrait. This is him sometime during the middle ages (though possibly could be right before his Rebellion) as he is still young (by Demon standards anyway).

I will be doing his story from the point of view of different Characters and as we get closer to modern times, it will become his own words up until he is never seen again in the Human World.

First off, he is kin to Mundus. All demons come from somewhere. They are either created by a powerful entity or they are born/hatched depending on demon types. We know Sparda was a Demon lord. He was under the command of Mundus, who was King of the Demon Realm at the time of the Rebellion.

I absolutely believe most of the hate Mundus has for Sparda and his sons comes from the fact that they are kin. Not only does Sparda betray Mundus as a subordinate, but as a brother. No, they are not twins.

Sparda was born to Lilith, the Empress and Mother of Demons. She created her armies with Mundus as a King beneath her. Sparda is her true born son along with his brother Arctarus (I'll be getting to him shortly). There are a few other Demons Lilith birthed herself, but these two were the first and strongest of her offspring.

Mundus, Argosax, and several other Demon kings were meant to rule specific areas of the Demon Realm until Lilith was sealed away, then there was a war between the kings for the entire rule of the Underworld.

Sparda supported Mundus' endeavor. Arctarus is basically a Mommas boy and fluffed off with Lilith when she was sealed away.

Arctarus - The Golden Boy and Lilith's most faithful child.

He is Sparda's younger twin brother. He is well... the complete opposite of Sparda. Where Sparda is independent, Arctarus clings to his mother. He is also a big complainer when it comes to not getting enough attention for his prowess. He and Sparda are about as equal in power as they can get, the only difference is the amount of Hubris between the two of them. He is easily provoked with jealousy and hates that Sparda has the ear of Mundus.

It all goes head to head when all of the Triple Goddesses see Lilith as a threat and Sparda is glad to see her go.

Arctarus can't stand that his brothers (this includes Mundus, who actually set this all up) traitorous Rebellion against Lilith and decides to be sealed away with her. Don't worry, this isn't the last we'll see of him.

Now we will get to Lilith herself...

Lilith - Empress and Mother of Demons

Who has many forms, including a human one.

At one point, Lilith ruled over Babylon. It was her seat in the Human world, and she also destroyed it, even taking part of it down into the Demon Realm with her.

Before Babylon, she ruled the Demon Realm entirely by herself with her consort, Erubus (Darkness himself). Her seat in the Underworld is the City of Dis (the same one in Dante's Inferno... not the game, the book) before she was sealed away in it with her armies and three of her trueborn sons.

The reason she was sealed away is because she wanted to rule both worlds with the intent of forcing Humans into slavery while her children had free reign. Lower class demons would also be considered slaves or soldiers. Her plans also kept the Kings under her rule as her servants. She wanted to dominate and no one could really stop her except for the Triple Goddesses (there are twelve of them) who were able to seal Lilith away with help from the Demon Kings themselves. It all backfired on the Kings in the end, but they were looking out for themselves. Then Mundus got the idea to try and practically do the same damn thing. 🙄

Lilith will be appearing in later stories, but not so much in Sparda's anthology.

But this is basically a synopsis of what happened before Sparda's story begins.

And it's all my headcanon. I've been working on this for a long time.

#devil may cry #dmc #sparda #dante #fanfic #devil may cry fanfiction #devil may cry headcanons

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lasnevadaslaborunion · 2 years

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Sorry i'm late with the asks ♻️👑👻

(It's okay, I was even later)

I’ve already answered similar questions about c!Wilbur and c!Schlatt.

As for c!Dream... it's complicated, and I have actually had a long post about this in the works for a while now. But my short answer is... no, probably not.

First of all, I would like to say that my answer to the question of “can c!Dream be redeemed?” has very little to do with the severity of his actions and whether I personally find them forgivable. I am a firm believer that redemption isn't something you earn, but an active choice that a person must continually make. Anyone, and I do mean anyone, can become a kinder, wiser, better person - provided they are willing to change. The real question is, would c!Dream be willing to change, and would this change be believable and satisfying to the audience?

Let's look at the typical components for a redemption arc (or growth arc, or healing arc, or whatever term you prefer): recognition of one’s flaws, actions taken to remedy those flaws, a significant positive change, and recognition of this change either by the narrative or surrounding characters (note that acceptance of positive change is not necessarily equivalent to forgiveness, or to welcoming one back into their life).

Could c!Dream feel remorse for his actions? Possibly, although I think that if any such regret exists now, it’s buried very deep; c!Dream is a reserved fellow, and a terribly prideful one, who doesn’t often admit when he’s wrong (and believes these admissions even less often). His outward reactions to the pain his actions have caused range from detached indifference to sadistic glee - and considering these actions include but are not limited to serial murder, the destruction of nations, and conditioning someone into helplessness and suicidality, this lack of negative response is significant and disturbing. I think it would take something huge to shake him, but I have no clue what that would be.

Could c!Dream change his mindset or behavior? Here it becomes even less likely. He has invested a significant amount of time and effort into his current plans, and the sunk cost fallacy is a very powerful thing. Furthermore, he has often feigned a change of mind in the past, such as when he attempted to build bridges with c!Tommy during Pogtopia, acted like c!Tubbo’s friend after c!Tommy was exiled, or tried to convince people that he was becoming a better person in prison. These instances of calculated deceit would make any future claims of improvement very difficult to take at face value, both for the characters and we viewers.

Could c!Dream ever be forgiven? That's going to vary from person to person, but I don't think the people he's hurt the most are likely to do so. c!Tommy has enough trauma from being abused, murdered, and personally terrorized by c!Dream to last a lifetime; he wants him dead and gone. c!Tubbo is in a similar boat. c!Wilbur, who once viewed him as a savior, now loathes him for what he did to his little brother figure. c!Sapnap made a promise to kill him, and is willing to stake his very existence on it. c!George is... c!George (sorry, I’m not an expert). The entire server teamed up to take c!Dream down, and was ready to watch his execution; who among them could have their minds changed? Again, forgiveness is not strictly necessary for change to occur, but an environment where one is almost universally loathed is hardly conducive to personal growth.

With all these taken together... the prospects are pretty grim.

But what about the Staged Finale? Doesn’t that prove that we’ve all misread c!Dream’s true intentions, that he’s willing to sacrifice himself for a noble cause, that all his villainy was a ruse?

Well, yes, but actually, no.

See, the only thing we know about the finale is that it was staged. We don’t actually know why yet, although many theories exist, and not all of them are a good look for him. Hell, with the short Revival Book lore video, the implications look even worse. The Staged Finale reveal might call some of his stated philosophies about attachment and control into question, but it reinforces two equally influential facets of his distorted worldview: his conviction that the ends always justify the means, and his willingness to lie to get his way. Both are established flaws, and both need to be challenged for any real growth to take place.

It’s also worth pointing out what exactly his goals are. Let’s accept that they include, at least, a completely united server with no countries, no boundaries, and no significant authority save for his own. He wants, at best, a return to the “good old days” that were never as good as he remembers, and at worst, absolute tyrannical control over other server members who now hate, fear, and resent him. These goals are impossible.

But the thing about impossible, dreamlike goals is that their proponents will often go unfathomable lengths to achieve them.

And I think it’s ironic and pretty damn tragic that the very thing that keeps c!Dream sympathetic, even respectable in a weird, twisted way - his willingness to cavalierly endure personal loss rather than exclusively inflicting it - also makes redemption much harder to envision.

Ask yourself this: what sacrifice would c!Dream be unwilling to make?

Regardless of whether he believed his proclamations at the Finale, he has still very deliberately cut off everything and everyone he believed would hold him back. Losing the few attachments he did have only seemed to spur him on further. And the only people left who stand by him appear unconditional in their allegiance, or at least are enabling him for the perceived greater good; they are unlikely to challenge his ultimate goal, and if they did, c!Dream is likely to cut them off as well. Remember what I said above about the sunk cost fallacy? Until we hear his thoughts or observe hesitation firsthand, we can’t say for sure that his stint in Pandora’s Vault going so horribly wrong has shaken his resolve to unite the server under his rules and by any means necessary. It’s just as likely to have strengthened his committment, or made him angrier, because what else does he have left if not his master plan for control? It can’t have been all for nothing.

(I could talk for another five paragraphs about how the notion that suffering automatically demonstrates or triggers moral goodness is extremely problematic and enables abuse from multiple angles, and how much I appreciate that c!Dream’s isolation and torture was shown to have entirely negative effects as it realistically would, but I digress.)

Right, then. Remorse is unlikely, change is even more unlikely, and reconciliation is almost inconceivable. What does that leave us with?

I think the only believable option for any “redemption” c!Dream might have isn’t so much a redemption as a revelation, either on the audience’s part or on his. Choice #1 is that we are given information about his true plans, and they are shown to be benevolent or at least far more sympathetic than we’ve been led to believe. This runs the risk of coming across as... ridiculously cheap, to put it gently, so my preferred option is choice #2: c!Dream is given a taste of victory, only for it to leave him hollow and unsatisfied. The server is united, the people in it are a picture-perfect happy family, and it feels... fake. Distressingly so. In a tragedy, there is no going back, and he must wallow in regret or continue his Sisyphean quest; in bittersweet ending, he manages to undo the damage either at great personal cost or is haunted by his failure for the rest of his (probably very few) days. I can’t see a truly “happy” ending for him, nor am I certain what that would look like. I believe that the only way he would give up on his current path is to have his nose shoved in the mess he’s made and realize that not only are his means horrific (he already knows that), but his very ideals are impossible to achieve. Even then, it’s possible he would double down, or the realization may simply shatter him. Cue epic final battle, a sword through his heart, etc.

So yeah. I won’t entirely rule out a c!Dream redemption arc. Miracles can happen. But I think that given his existing patterns and the way the cc seems to be setting up his lore (*Chug Jug plays mournfully*), it’s quite a pipe dream. No pun intended.

#asks #ask game #dsmp #discourse #c!dream #analysis #tw abuse #tw suicide #tw torture #putting this under a cut because it got way longer than i expected

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sophieinwonderland · 1 year

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hihi sophie!! so i was scrolling through the posic tags and i saw your post, i know it was from a while ago but i just wanted to let you know that (as a posic headmate in a system of mostly non-posic headmates) posicness and plurality are most definitely different experiences!!! the objects i talk to don't have a presence in our headspace, and non-posic headmates can't hear what the objects are saying (at least in our sys), but in a unique way thats different to our subsystem! just wanted to let you know because the post where you implied that they might be the same experience upset me a bit because we've heard a lot of people who dont like the posic community say stuff like that... just thought I'd let you know!

I want to apologize for any disrespect felt. Perhaps I could have worded that post better.

I do have my views though. Maybe those views are wrong. But I'd like to investigate further.

One of my theories regards what I call Manifestation Types. I covered this in another post:

These include formlessness, fronting, inner world appearances, external visualizations/hallucinations and inhabitation. I've personally learned to be able to do all of these to at least some extent. My theory is that any psychological headmate can learn to do the same barring mental conditions that may come in the way.

I'm a tulpa who started as an imaginary friend. When people think of imaginary friends of children, they usually think of them being visualized externally. That's how I was. But I found that a lot of psychological studies into the imaginary friends of children will also include imaginary friends who might take the form of toys. Like stuffed animals.

These studies, the fact that psychologists saw these phenomena as similar enough to study them as being the same thing, was one of the things that first made me start considering the possibility of making tulpas from physical objects. (And led me to experiment with inhabiting physical objects myself.)

Another was seeing other systems with headmates who started out this way.

My personal theory of plurality is actually based on Vaughan Bell's work in illusory social agent representation. I believe that the human brain formed to use the same mechanisms to simulate other people that it uses to simulate the self. Manifestations, then, are just us moving our "selves" to different locations. These can be the body, simulated environments in the head, the empty space around us, or physical objects.

Having said that, I don't know if I would go so far as to say I believe these experiences are the same. Only that they can be if given the chance for skills to develop.

A lot of anti-endos I've seen think the tulpa community started as some weird attempt at inducing DID.

In reality, the first tulpas didn't know how to front. That was something the tulpa community learned later. Originally, they just manifested through visualization. That's also how most tulpas start out.

I couldn't always Manifest through fronting. We didn't used to have an inner world. And my visualized form didn't have tactile sense.

These are skills I learned over time.

When we later made Abby and Almond, their first forms only existed in the inner world. To them, that was their entire world. They knew nothing about the outside. And my host and I were able to hold conversations with each other in front of them mentally without either of them being aware. Eventually, they developed to the point where they could hear our thoughts and we helped them to front and manifest through external visualization.

I believe, in theory, that something similar may be true of many Inhabitants. That they could be a type headmate locked into associating with an external physical form, the same way someone frontstuck may be locked into associating with the body.

I might be wrong. But I want to throw the idea out there just because if I was created Inhabiting an object and it was possible to learn to front and do all the things a full headmate can do, I would like to know about that possibility. I would want to know everything that I could do and be able to explore those limits myself.

I'm also worried about possible side-effects of some dismissing potential headmates as being "just delusions." If these experiences are something dissociative, then it's possible that latching onto terms like "delusional companion syndrome" may prove harmful, in the same way that dismissing other headmates as just delusions or hallucinations often is.

So what I'd like to know is... have you tried to experiment with this? If these objects can communicate by sending thoughts to your head, can they send images too? If they can send images, what would prevent them from creating images of themselves to interact in the inner world if they wanted to? Or, what would prevent them from creating mental images in the physical world like what we call imposition?

I am sorry if anything here comes off as offensive, and if anti-POSIC people have used similar statements to attack you.

I am legitimately interested in this subject though, and am trying to understand how plurality works, and what relation it may have to the POSIC community.

#ask box #posic #delusional companion syndrome #plural #syscourse #plurality #multiplicity #system #systems #posicblr #objectum #posic hoarde #plural system #tulpa #tulpamancy #psychology

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lasciviess · 1 year

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my updated position on the dream situation as a victim

Back in October, I posted a very long explanation of my stance and my thoughts toward the entire situation around the grooming allegations made by Amanda about Dream. The general sentiment explained in great detail there is still true to how I feel about what's going on. That being said, I’ve pretty much been offline since I posted in early October and, in my absence, I’ve had time to think outside the echo chamber of the twitter timeline and got to weigh some of my own thoughts in peace. Turns out, there's been some change.

TL/DR: I'm maintaining my neutrality and beliefs, but resuming normal writing.

The way that I feel about Dream's behavior has not changed even remotely: he acted inappropriately in what's been confirmed, and needs to apologize and change. That being said, we know exactly nothing else, as things currently stand. Until claims are emphatically either confirmed or denied, which is going to take some time on account of legal proceedings, I still think withholding determination of guilt is the responsible thing to do. As a victim, that's the only course of action I personally am comfortable with.

I originally thought it was safest to stop writing dnf/dream altogether while we waited: I'd be protected from harassment and could still conceivably salvage old WIPs (albeit with a lot of scrapping). I wound up being just a bit wrong there. It's been practically impossible to adapt existing stories to new OCs because the prior milieu of the fictional pairing I created in my head that went by "dnf" isn't something I can just cut out. The subject of my stories wasn't really based on real people any longer: it was something I'd created, and that was all.

The next question, of course, was why I should stop writing that because of a pending consensus on a random man I don't know. I just didn't have a good answer to that. I turned to other friends and trusted opinions on my tl and generally found that a fair bit of the creative community (and a lot of other victims) were adopting neutrality and considered the question of whether or not to keep creating to be a separate one (I of course do not claim to be speaking for everyone).

I've thought about it for well over a month now, and have come to the conclusion that I miss writing the way that I was. If Dream turns out to be guilty, I will immediately excise myself from this fandom without hesitation, but our legal system operates under "innocent until proven guilty," not the other way around. Until there is a confirmable change in status quo, I am going to continue to write according to our current status quo. I will not post much about Dream as a human being for obvious reasons, but I view my fics as just that: (fic)tion. I understand that plenty of people do not agree with this way of thinking, and that is perfectly fine. I will likely still be more open to posting OC content than I was (I'll be posting an OC commission within a week or so, actually), but I'm not going to force OCs into stories that weren't meant for them. It feels unfaithful to those story.

Sorry this got long, I just wanted to make sure I explained well enough. Ongoing WIPs like Snapdragons will be continued publicly again, no longer just on Patreon. In short: things are going back to the way they were, but we all know that the other shoe could drop at any moment. I'm still prepared for that. But, until it does, I'm staying neutral and continuing on. I hope to see you guys soon, and can't wait to start sharing with you again.

-ess <3

#mine #update

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selormohene · 8 months

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day 85 (tuesday, september 26th 2023)

It's interesting with something like this, a diary that is — I mentioned earlier that an interesting insight into someone's personality might be given by what such a person might put in and leave out, consciously or unconsciously. But even referring to the stuff that's put in or left out "unconsciously" suggests that there's something working beneath the hood that's determining the content in some way. But just as significant is what doesn't even make it into consideration; what gets ignored, what just doesn't occur to one to think about, let alone to ruminate over to the extent that it could even come to seem worth consideration, or at least to be a candidate for consideration, even a candidate of the sort that one's subconscious or unconscious would look to prevent from making it to the semifinals. Like if I were to read someone else's diary, I probably wouldn't notice something written in similar style and circling around similar themes, but with differences in content reflecting what they're more or less comfortable with talking about, or what they talk about more or less naturally or frequently, or whatever. Rather, I'd think, "wow, this person just inhabits an entirely different affective universe."

On remonstration. I've been thinking a lot about this. For one thing I like the word "remonstration," it's a nice word, but of course there's more than that. One thing I've been thinking about a lot is the extent to which, as one guest lecturer for the conceptual engineering class once mentioned, we are all always talking slightly past each other all the time. I think this is true in the moral domain as well. But here the problem isn't quite coming to a shared moral understanding (well maybe it is, depending on whether one accepts the plausible but perhaps not uncontestable thesis that it's impossible for two people to agree on everything morally significant and yet disagree on what is to be done), but rather being able to reach other people's background beliefs fully, in the sense both of accessing them and of being able to know what to say that will reach those beliefs, which could have the possibility of changing them.

But what's interesting about my interest in remonstration is the extent to which I think it's a crucial part of being human. Why, that is, should I have the view that moral (or normative or practical) disagreement, moral criticism, and so on, are what make us human, rather than the ability to recognise reasons, or to come to a shared normative understanding? Why is it the moment of conflict? I think it's because other people confront us, primarily, as others, as beings with a view of the world which isn't ours. And the difference between another rational being and a rock is that you can't reason with a rock; you can't identify the points of disagreement (or discord, disattunement) with a rock in such a way that the rock can thereby be moved to change merely by that identification. You either forcibly change the rock — kick it away, or break it, or whatever — or you work around it — step over it, bike around it. And it's possible to take either of these objectifying attitudes to human beings, but only human beings can be reasoned with. And I think it's precisely the possibility of these other ways of carrying on with humans that shows up specifically in the moment of disagreement. I don't think they show up in the case of reaching a shared understanding or the mere capacity to recognise reasons, not quite in the same way at least. Of course it could also be that this is my characteristic frustration and thus preoccupation, feeling like I can't get through to people on points where we disagree. Interetingly this reminds me that something I long considered a superpower of mine was the ability to see things from other people's points of view, to simulate their thinking processes even if I didn't buy them, to have enough compute for two, so to speak. I don't think I have that so much these days, but I'm working on maintaining and tending to the capacity.

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wbwoqlqxoxxms · 1 year

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Yishun Revengers Episode 5 "OMAE WA SHINDERU"

"Roses are red, the sun gives off heat...if your legs are tired, you can use my face as a seat,"

-internet poetry rizz

"Whatever, can you use your card powers or something to heal us or something?" Mendax acted rather impatiently.

"I...mean...I can but...." Sano the card man stuttered and stammered, stumbling over his line of speech.

"Then just heal us quick, oh god we're half-dead here," August came in again with his other speech.

"Ok ok ok, jeez, no need to be so...well, whatever," Then Sano summoned another greenish looking card this time, clasped it in his hand tightly, closed his eyes, and then let it let out a bright light and blinded everyone temporarily-and when the light faded, all the injuries everyone had sustained...POOF! DISAPPEARED!

Like really sia. All the blood and the wounds and the stabby stabby disappeared and were healed instantly. Damn, this man is a one good healer!

"Eh, good enough healing," Sunda stands up on his legs and stretches his arms, feeling his hands like he's just gotten transfered to a new body.

"So...Sano, was it? Who are you exactly?" Fentanyl questioned passive-aggresively.

"Ah, you want to know more about...?" Sano just dodged the question...by posing another question.

"That Nacalevia you mentioned. What is it?" Pertama continued as the one who first started all the questioning.

"Ah, so you want to know more about Nacalevia. Well, long story short, Nacalevia is a murder mystery collection card game many kids like to play!" He finished with a bright smile to divert our attention to how 'immature' he acts.

Sunda also smiled back. "That still doesn't tell us why you can wield the powers of the cards,"

"Oh...uh...ehehe...uh...that...is a story for another day! Why don't we talk about...um...*darts eyes to the unconscious man in the cage* ah! That guy! Right there! In the cage!" Sano very not-so-subtly evaded and dodged the question.

But it was true though. That man in the cage...whoever managed to catch the attention of such a strong masked guy to make him take over an entire library just to study him is...not a simple person...

At this moment all 13 pairs of eyes were glanced towards his direction, staring at that mysterious man who just indirectly almost killed them all.

That unconscious man...who...doesn't exactly appear unconscious now...he's getting up...

Sunda and Fentanyl each stepped up and forward and readied their weapons, just in case he turns out to be another masked man who is hell-bent on killing them all.

"Guhguhguhguhguhguh...whoooshhh," The caged man said which suddenly made him feel like not so much of a threat now.

Wait no! It's just a trick to get them to lower their guard!

Sunda signaled then slowly lowered his weapon and carefully asked, "Sir, do you know where you are?"

"What...I dunno, where AM I..." He answered in a fuzzy-headed way as he slowly stretched his limbs and looked around to get a clear view.

"Sir, you are in Sengkang Public Library," Fentanyl answered for him as he too lowered his weapon, then helped him out of the cage with the man's stiff, not-stretched-enough limbs not being able to himself.

"Sengkang Public Library...where's that?" He asked which clearly gave away the fact that he's either a foreigner or hit his head too hard in that cage.

Well, he sure doesn't look like a foreigner though, he's shirtless, yes, but his shorts are those classic budget Uniqlo shorts, his eyes are brown, his hair is typically Asian...doesn't look like a foreginer at all. Well, he could be an Asian foreigner...but they would know where Sengkang Public Library is...usually...

"Uh...in Singapore..." August confirmed its specific location for him to verify his identity for the squad.

"Ah...Singapore...in China, right?" Yep. He's a foreigner.

And at that exact moment, Stefen, who had been watching from the back, burst out into laughter, knowing full well the damn trouble that man just got himself into.

"Ah...say that again," Mendax smiled for a while at him and then turned strict-teacher stare.

"Yeah, but...Singapore is in China, right?" The confused man, still clueless as to what is about to come, asked innocently.

"SAY. THAT. AGAIN. " Pertama was now the one to take over Mendax's earlier role and get involved in the interrogation personally, becoming much fiercer and putting on that creepy fake smile your mom gives you when she see you got B for Maths again before she whip out the cane again.

"OHHH! I know! Singapore is actually in Thailand, right? Ahhhhhh, that makes sense now!" He came to that sudden revelation that was just another nonsensical statement.

"Looks like someone failed geography class...and every other class..." Stefen remarked with Kiefer hysterically laughing, then almost on cue, the two Pillars Sicarius and Laju stepped forward and showed themselves, then proceeded to properly educate this young man on his manners by grabbing the nearest knife that masked man left behind and straight up angling it at his neck at the absolute perfect position.

"Bro what the hell? You getting so mad over some backwater poor third-world country?" He still like don't understand how dead he already is liao leh. Haiz...

"Wah wah wah, this one still want tok kok ah, wa lao eh," Laju told the rest of the crew about that man's current situation in a few words.

"Listen up, you uneducated ang moh, you dunno anything one issok, but at least you don't still run your mouth talking back about our territory in OUR TERRITORY. I'll have you know that we're not some backwater POOR THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY, WE ARE ONE OF THE FASTEST DEVELOPING COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD, WE ARE RICH, AND WE ARE A COUNTRY ON OUR OWN, WE ARE NOT PART OF CHINA OR THAILAND OR MALAYSIA, SO YOU BETTER NOT SAY ANYTHING MORE OR I'LL-" Sicarius then went absolute mad and delivered a whole speech on why he was wrong, then pressing the knife into his skin so hard he started bleeding.

And now finally at this point the ang moh was scared for his absolute life and shivering and cowering in fear, screaming, "AAOWOWKSKKZKSK NO NO NO NO NO I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE PLEASE LET ME GO!"

"Recite the pledge!" Sano butted in from the back while watching all the drama, shouting in a suggestion.

Sicarius looked up at Sano, then immediately looked back down at the ang moh. "Recite the pledge!" She shouted louder into his hrad in case he couldn't hear Sano from that far, pressing the knife even harder into his neck flesh.

"Uh...I dunno your Singaporean pledge...I am American..." The ang moh said in a rather nothing-I-can-do tone.

"Then sing the best NDP song!" Stefen now suggested from the back as well, copying what Sano did, arms folded and all.

"Yeah! Sing Stronger Together!" Sicarius repeated that but now in her own opinion.

"What no, I meant to say Tommorow's Here Today, THAT'S the best NDP song," Stefen quickly refuted Sicarius' statement and insisted on his own opinion.

"You must be kidding me, obviously the best NDP song is What Do You See, obviously!" Now Sunda had his arms folded and eyes downcast, saying his own piece of the...heated conversation.

"Hah! Was that sarcastic? The best NDP song is definitely Our Singapore lah!" Fentanyl purposely added his opinion to the mix after Sunda did.

"Oh, I'm sorry, was that the 2015 JJ Lin one or the 2019 crowd-sung one? Cos they remixed it so many times there are at least 4 versions of it which one are you talking about? Obviously the best one is We Are Singapore lah!" Codeine, who's stayed quiet most of the whole time just now, just spoke to remind people of his existence.

"Oh, you mean that song whose chorus is literally just filler lyrics? I mean, what the hell is "This is my country, this is my flag, this is my future, this is my WHATEVER! Believe in a better, more superior song, like Because It's Singapore!" August the technical birthday boy himself has spoken, but that sure hasn't shut people up.

"Aiya, no lah, Stronger Together is better!"

"Confirm What Do You See is best!"

"Tommorow's Here Today lah!"

*vicious and graphic fighting over which is the true superior NDP song*

Meanwhile while everyone else is fighting over NDP songs, Sano advanced to the befriending stage with the ang moh, bending down and kneeling in front of his still shocked from the shock and neck still bleeding body, in order to discuss the more important things.

"What the hell is an NDP song..."that ang moh muttered under his breath, as quietly as possible to avoid alerting the Pillars fighting there.

"Never heard of people who actually listen to NDP songs.. but they are the Pillars of Total Defence, so..." Sano mumbled under his breath all the same too.

"You. How should we address you?" He then raised a finger and pointed menacingly at the ang moh, demanding to know his name.

"Uh...I'm...Ming,"

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sarahthevampyrslayer · 1 year

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BOOK REVIEW : DO NOT DISTURB BY FREIDA MCFADDEN

Heads up: This review includes spoilers

★★☆☆☆

This is the second book I've read from this author, so I'm not that familiar with her work. But I can conclude that she definitely has a specific style to her writing. I've just realized it's not a style I mesh well with.

The book starts off from Quinn's POV. She just killed her husband and she's trying to figure out what she's going to do next. It starts off pretty compelling and has a good pace for the first few chapters. I could have done without the author's need to remind the reader almost every chapter how handsome or sexy the male characters are; it's said like it's important to the story but it's not important enough to be mentioned a dozen times, by literally every character.

An issue arises when we first switch to Claudia's POV, Quinn's sister. Chapters 16-25 are completely useless and unnecessary. Especially if we're to take the "twist" towards the end seriously. This is supposed to be from Claudia's POV, her inner monologue, and it comes off as if she doesn't know anything about her sister's husband. It comes off as if she loves and cares for her sister. Then in chapter 39, when we come back to Claudia's POV, she's all "that's right I hate my sister, that bitch!" and "I've been the one sleeping with Derek and I loved him!" It is always when we learn that she's the one who stabs Quinn outside the motel BUT that makes no sense because earlier, when we first get Claudia's POV, Claudia acts surprised she found her sister's wedding ring in the side table. Saying something along the lines of "so my sister was here, but where is she?" Like.. that makes no sense. This isn't written from a third person point of view. It's basically Claudia's inner monologue. Why would she ask herself this is she just stabbed her sister and stuffed her in the trunk of her car?

So that big plot hole is why the twist makes no sense. It feels like the author purposely lied to us and then tried to be like "gotcha! you had no idea!" Well, yea we had no idea. The character's own inner monologue didn't allude to her hating her sister, wanting to kill her sister, or sleeping with his sister's husband. It actually went out of the way to imply all these things weren't true. And it's not like she was implying these things to convince other people, most of these thoughts and actions happened when she was alone.

Also, the entire motel owner and his wife storyline was so pointless. And I clocked the creepy old lady as the killer of the unsolved murder, related to the in (a pointless subplot), the moment she made a big deal about Quinn being at the motel.

The story was okay at the beginning, it gave off Wattpad vibes with the writing but otherwise the actual plot was an interesting concept. However, the entire first POV from Claudia was a cheap way for the author to pull a "gotcha" moment, that wasn't even a clever one because we were literally just lied to for almost 10 chapters. Purposefully mislead, which would have worked if this wasn't written in the first person.

I don't feel like I completely wasted my time, the book was entertaining enough that I was able to finish it in about 2 days (it's not very long either, so that was helpful). But the switching between POVs, rehashing the same information over and over, without adding much new information. Plus, the author's obsession with the attractiveness of the male characters. It left a lot to be desired. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone, and I won't be reading it again.

I'm on goodreads

#mybookshelf #book review #do not disturb #freida mcfadden #books #thriller #thriller novel #thrillers #book reviews #goodreads

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imthebadguyyy · 3 years

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Mon Amour

Summary - You've grown up with Charles, and as much as you hate to admit it, you love him. Pierre knows, and clearly sees how desperately Charles loves you too. It's true what they say, love will always find a way.

The Monaco Grand Prix was one of the most fun, exhilarating and exciting Grand Prix's of the entire F1 Season. You were excited enough, and since you already lived nearby, all you had to do was make your way to Charles's home, and then make your way to the track together. To say you were excited was an understatement, and you could barely contain the nerves and excitement you were feeling.

Charles was nervous. He didn't know why, Monaco was his circuit, and he always drove well on the track. He had been confident through free practice, and he was starting on pole, with an excellent quali result. But he was nervous, and something told him it had nothing to do with the race, and everything to do with Y/N.

Y/N. His best friend. His go-to. His shoulder to cry on. She had been there through it all, when his dad died, when Jules died. Whenever he needed someone to talk to or just needed a hug, he could always turn to her. He had met Y/N at a go kart race, sitting with her mother, and eating an ice lolly. Her hair had been in two little ponytails, and she was wearing a pretty polka doted red and blue dress. He was sitting with Pierre, and couldn't help staring at the girl, not even paying attention to what Pierre was saying, until he had snapped his fingers in front of Charles's face to tell him the race was about to begin.

The race had been wonderful, and he had won first place. His dad and Pierre's dad had both been so proud, and had bought both of them ice creams, and as they sat eating their cones, Y/N had made her way over to the pair. "You drove really well today, and my mommy told me I should come over to say congratulations" Too surprised to say anything, he let Pierre take over, and watched as he conversed with her. Then, she turned to him and said, "Whats your name? Mine's Y/N' and he had managed to stutter out, "C-Charles"

And thats how your friendship had begun. Since then, you had accompanied him to every race he had, had been there when he signed for Sauber (Alfa Romeo) and then when he signed for Ferrari. You had been so proud, you had cried when he told you, and hugged him tight and told him that you were incredibly proud of him, and that you were sure that his dad and Jules would have been incredibly proud of him too. And then he had cried too, and you two had cried together, and spent the rest of the night together, just hugging each other.

And here you were again, at his door, looking simply stunning in the outfit you had picked for the race track, looking like an angel sent from heaven. Well, you were his angel. The problem was, he couldn't tell you. You didn't love him, and the last thing he needed was to jeopardise your relationship by confessing his feelings. His stupid, stupid feelings.

"You look gorgeous" Charles said, leaning forward to give you a hug, and a soft kiss on your cheek. If he had been looking at you, he probably would have seen how you had gotten slightly flustered at his gesture. "Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself' you replied, reciprocating his gesture by kissing his cheek. Apparently, neither one of you were good at paying attention, because you didn't see the way he blushed either. "Ready for the race?" "Always" "Is Pierre going to be there?" "Yes he is, we'll probably meet him on the way to the paddock" As much as he hated to admit it, he always felt a pang of jealousy when you brought up his best friend, because he thought that you had feelings for the Frenchman,

"Okay then" "Are you ready to go?"

Nodding your head, you picked up your purse and checked your reflection in the mirror one more time, and brushed a stray strand of unruly hair behind your ears. Grabbing the keys to his Ferrari, he closed the door as the both of you left his house. The car ride to the paddock was fairly quiet, as you made occasional comment about random things, and bopped your heads to some music.

Arriving at the paddock, Charles noticed the paps that were waiting to descend upon you two like vultures. "merde" he mumbled under his breath, knowing you didn't really liken your picture being taken by random strangers. Sighing, you reached out to touch his shoulder. Its okay. I don't mind" 'I know, but it's unfair to you to have your privacy invaded" he replied, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Hey, it's okay. Let's just go". Opening the car door, you took a deep breath to calm the nerves beginning to appear in your tummy.

But you needn't have worried. As soon as you opened the car door, Charles was by your side, lacing his fingers through yours, the other arm wrapping around your waist, to fully protect you from the prying cameras. Trying not to focus on how right it felt, to have his arm around your body, and to feel his fingers threading through your own. Your heart was beating so fast, you wouldn't be surprised if he could hear it, considering how closely wrapped he was around your own body. As the Ferrari garage came into view, you began to calm down, and became aware of the fact that his arm was still wrapped around your waist, and his hand was still holding yours.

-------------------------------------------------------

Walking over from the Toro Rosso/Alpha Tauri garage, Pierre spotted Charles and Y/N making their way over to the Ferrari. Noticing the way Charles kept his arm tightly around Y/N, he couldn't help but grin, and assumed that Charles had finally told Y/N how he felt about her. Grinning even more broadly, he strutted over to the Ferrari garage, and walked over to where his best friend was standing with Mattia and his race engineer. "Hello, mon ami. I see you've finally done it?" somewhat confused, Charles turned to face the frenchmen, and asked, "Done what?" 'Told Y/N you love her" Pierre replied, watching his friends face glow the same red as the colour of his car and race suit. "What?! I have done no such thing. What would make you think that?"

"Let me think, because you've been in love with her since we were children. Come on Charles, don't chicken out now. You should definitely tell her. She is an extremely attractive woman, and I won't be surprised if someone else also likes her or asks her out. You two are made for each other. Now stop delaying !" Sighing, Charles just shook his head, and went into his drivers room, turning halfway to wave at his friend. Somewhat frustrated, he walked into the room, kicking the door in the process. "fanculo, idiota!" he mumbled, hands reaching up to his head to pull on his and let out a growl.

"Charles? You okay ?" Y/N asked, peeking her head into his room, slight concern in her E/C eyes. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just nervous" 'Nervous?' she asked walking in, and sitting down next to him. "Yeah, it's a big race, and points are very important if we want to beat Mercedes and actually win this year. Besides the last race wasn't that good, and Mattia was a little upset about it. I'm just a little nervous" Reaching out to take his hand into hers, Y/N ran a soft hand through his hair, and his eyes fluttered shut for a second. "Charles, listen to me. You are an incredibly talented person. When you get in the car, you push it to the limits and you give it everything. It's okay to be nervous, but you're on pole. I know you will give it your all, and every single person in this garage believes in you. And I believe in you the most. So go out there , and give it your everything. I know you can do it" As you had been speaking, Charles had been running his thumb over your knuckles, on the hand that was holding his, and when you finished, he raised it to his lips, and pressed his soft, pink lips to your knuckles.

"Thank you, tesoro" You froze. He had never called you 'sweetheart' before. You could feel your heart rate rising ever so slightly, and your breathing become slightly shallow, as his brown hazel eyes looked up into your own, and seemingly held your gaze. The tension in the room seemed to thicken, reaching upto a point where it was nearly suffocating. Heads leaning closer to each other, his hand tightening the grip he had on yours, sliding softly up your arm, as your eyes fluttered shut, the anticipation sending your heart rate up to crazy numbers. His face was so close to yours, you could feel his breath on your lips, almost hear his heartbeat, and hoping to God he couldn't hear how embarrassingly loud yours was. Just as your lips nearly touched, there was a knock on the door, and his race engineer, poked his head in, looking somewhat awkward. "Its time to go Charles, time to get in the car"

Sighing softly, he pulled away, as your eyes fluttered behind your eyelids. "Go and win this. I'll be cheering you on" you said, not quite meeting his eyes, but giving him a soft, half hearted smile. "Thanks" he said, giving your hand a squeeze, as he walked out to the garage to get in his car. Burying your head in your hands, you felt like you could scream, sob and punch something at the same time. Letting out a shaky breath, you ran a hand over your face and stood up, making your way up to where you were watching the race from.

-------------------------------------------------------

The race was over, and Charles had won 1st place, with Lewis in second and Valterri in third. As he had stood on the podium, he had found your face in the crowd, smiling and cheering for him, as you let out a whoop that he couldn't hear, but you didn't care. The adrenaline from the win was pumping through his veins, as he climbed down from the podium, eyes searching for you, as his teammates and crew congratulated him on his win, but he was really only half listening.

Then he saw you, standing in front of the garage, hair flying around in the wind that had picked up in the last lap of the race. Smiling as you looked up to see him, you began to run towards him, as he ran to meet you halfway. You jumped into his arms, as his wrapped around your thighs and your waist to keep you stable, as you wrapped yours around his muscled neck, leaning your forehead down to rest against his, as you muttered a soft "congratulations' in his ear, and pressed your lips to his temple, as his eyes closed, fully revelling in your embrace and body heat, not caring about how the paps had probably got a pretty good shot of you two, or how the tabloids were probably wetting themselves with article possibilities. 'thank you mon ange, thank you for supporting me" "anytime"

As you planted your feet back on the ground, and loosened your grip around him slowly, he moved his arm so one was wrapped around your waist, and the other rested loosely on his hip. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pierre approaching, and smiled at his best friend. "Congratulation mon ami. That was a superb race. Y/N long time no see, seems like you have forgotten me"

Giggling, you stepped away from Charles to give him a hug. "Of course not, how could I forget my best friend! I was going to saw hello before the race but I didn't get the chance. Good race!" "Thank you, It's so good to see you again here. Looks like Charles has been taking up all your time" He said, smirking at the Monégasque driver, who blushed, before looking away. Laughing, you shook your head, moving your body closer to Charles's again. "Oh Y/N you should come to the party tonight. It's on a yacht, and we can have some good fun a well. What do you say ?' "Oh I'm in!"

"You can come as one of our plus ones" Pierre said, eyes shifting over to Charles's face which was the same colour as his bright red Ferrari suit. Charles wanted to punch and hug Pierre at the same time, clearly seeing what he was trying to do. "Yeah, okay I'll be there" "Great! See you then, bye for now. Go celebrate with your man"

"your man"

Why did that sound so right? Why did it make your heart burst with happiness? Why did you want him to be your man? And why did it seem like the one thing you wanted the most was the one thing you couldn't have.

-------------------------------------------------------

Looking at the mirror one last time, you smoothed out the silky material of the red satin dress you had decided to wear to the party. Paired with a black choker necklace, and a pair of sleek black heels to finish the outfit. You had gone bold with the makeup, winged liner and smoky eyeshadow. Finally, you had swiped a tube of ruby red lipstick across your lips, and sprayed some more -expensive -than -you -could -even -begin- to -fathom Gucci perfume that Charles had bought you for your birthday on your wrists, neck, ears, and body.

You didn't know what you were doing. But it felt good to be confident. It felt good to pretend as though you were completely in control, when all you wanted was to curl up in a little ball, and cry. You didn't know what you were doing, but it felt good to pretend as though you didn't care for Charles, when all you wanted to do was grab his stupidly handsome face and kiss his wonderfully soft, pink lips.

Shaking off your anxiety, you reached for the phone to call Pierre, who was supposed to pick you up and drive you to the party. Charles had wanted too, but he had to go and meet some friends who wanted to congratulate on his victory. Taking a deep breath, you picked up your black clutch, which had your phone, lipstick, tissues and your keys, just in time to hear a knock on the door. Walking over to the door of your Monaco apartment, you opened it to find Pierre, in a lovely light blue suit, hair slicked slightly with gel, and a Rolex on his wrist. As he looked at you, his eyes widened, and he looked at you in shock for a few seconds, before saying "You look absolutely stunning, princess. Absolutely gorgeous" "Thank you Pierre ! You're looking pretty dapper yourself, I must say" you replied, flashing him a smile. "Thank you Y/N/N. Someone won't be able to keep his eyes off of you" he said, smirking as he saw your eyes widen softly, as you grew visibly flustered. "Who?" You asked, suddenly interested in looking at the clutch in your hand. "Oh come on, Leonardo DiCaprio. Who do you think ?!'

"I don't know, Pierre. Why don't you tell me?"

"Ces deux idiots, Charles, you sweet dumbass!"

"Yeah right. Let's just go please, we are already late, and I don't want to be out for too long"

"Fine"

-------------------------------------------------------The party was extravagant. There were these model chicks everywhere, with the most minimal of clothing, drooling over whichever driver they could find. Charles had had this one blonde girl hit on him for nearly an hour, and he was nearing the end of his patience. He didn't want any random girl for a one night stand. He wanted Y/N. And she wasn't at the party yet. But God, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't stop thinking about the moment they had shared. They had almost kissed. His heart did little jumps whenever he thought about it, and GOD, he was not doing a good job at hiding it. Everyone in the room had noticed the lovestruck look on his face. From across the room, George and Alex made their way over the Monégasque driver, who looked lost, and slightly irritated.

"Hey man, good job today! That was an excellent race" "Thanks, you guys did brilliantly as well"

"So who's got you looking like a little lost puppy?" George asked, grinning at the man, who looked slightly flustered at his comment. "What? No one, just post race excitement I suppose?"

"I'm not taking your word for it. Who's the girl? Come on"

Just as Charles opened his mouth to speak, there was a slight distraction, as he turned towards the door on the left, where people kept coming and going, and his jaw dropped. It was Y/N. But she looked like an angel that had fallen from the heavens, and sent to bless his heart. As he watched her make her way across the room, with Pierre right behind her, he felt his mouth and throat become dry, and his heart felt like it was going to fail at any moment. His palms were becoming sweaty and he felt like a nervous wreck, ready to collapse at any moment.

"Wow, mate. Is that Y/N ? She looks stunning!" Alex said, smiling as he watched her make her way towards their little group. "Yeah it is mate. She looks absolutely gorgeous!" George said, waving to the woman as she neared them. Charles couldn't speak.He just stared. "When you've put your eyes back in your head, and closed your mouth, you could maybe compliment her, and finally ask her out." Alex said, noticing how his friend had become silent and kept opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish.

Laughing, George clapped Charles on the back, "Ah, so she's the one that's got you all lovey dovey. Good going mate, she's a beauty" As he finished speaking, Y/N had approached the group, and was saying hello to Alex. Leaning forward, George gave her a hug as well, having become acquainted with her through Pierre. "Y/N you look beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous" he said, smiling at her, "Thank you so much! You guys all look lovely too!"

'You're too kind Y/N, George looks like he hasn't even brushed his hair back properly" Alex joked, receiving a slight shove from the Brit. "And, Charles, what do you think? How do I look this fine evening?" you asked, turning to face him. His face was slightly flushed and he mumbled something that sounded like "mimblewimble" and then cleared his throat. "You look prettier than anyone here tonight. You look like an angel"

Completely awestruck at his words, all you could do was gape, and then mutter a soft thank you, and pray to God he couldn't feel the nerves radiating off of you. "Well, despite the lovely company, and palpable sexual tension, I'm going to go find Max and Daniel, and go get a drink" Alex said, giving Y/N a hug and leaving with George. Leaving you alone with a very flustered Charles. "Do you want to get out of here?' he asked suddenly, looking at you with his warm hazel brown eyes. "I just got here, but yes please. I already feel so out of place among these models and superstars" you said, giggling softly. "Well, they've got nothing on you. Trust me, you're fifteen times prettier than anyone else here"

"Thank you Charles" you said, smiling softly, and touching his arm. "Anytime,tesoro" there it was again, that nickname that had your heart jumping. The last time he had called you that you guys had almost kissed. The memory returned, filling your tummy with butterflies, and all you wanted to do was to grab his stupidly handsome face and kiss him. The two of you made your way down to the docks, where you had a special spot that was like a hidden cave, covered with some wildflowers and ivy, that you two had discovered when you guys were fifteen, and you had had a bad day at school. Charles had hugged you, and told you, "no matter how bad a day at school is, I will always be there to hug you and make you feel better, always" That was when you had fallen in love with him.

As you made your way to the cave, you shivered, the sea air that was blowing around was surprisingly chilly, and you had forgotten to bring a jacket. Being the gentleman that he was, Charles took of his dark blue suit jacket, and draped it around your soldiers. 'Can't have you freezing to death" "I won't" you replied, regretting your decision to wear heels. As the two of you reached the cave, you sat down on the floor, and pulled off your heels, and stretched your legs out, letting out a sigh as you did so. Smiling at your actions, Charles sat down next to you, his thigh brushing against yours, arm wrapping around your waist, as your head dropped onto his shoulder.Beneath you two, the water lapped gently against the rocks, and the soft sound was calming and soothing.

For a while, you stayed that way, you tracing random patterns onto his left hand, while his right arm that was wrapped around your waist traced circles on your waist. His head was resting on top of yours now, and in the chilly air, the warmth radiating off of his body was comforting. "Y/N, do you like Pierre?" he blurted out suddenly, making you look up at him in shock. "What makes you think that?' you asked, leaning slightly away from his body to look at his face properly. "Well, I just assumed, I guess, you do seem very very comfortable and happy around him" "Oh my god, you idiot" you said, giggling softly at the slight look of jealousy on his face. "Pierre was right"

"What was he right about ?"

"Nothing"

"Look I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from its just that I love you and -"

You cut him off, pressing your lips to his, as his arms wrapped around your torso, after initial surprise. Yours made his way to his shoulders, one on his shoulder, and the other to the back of his head, while his grip around your body tightened. You two fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, bodies moulding into each other, lips fitting like two puzzle pieces together. This was what you had been missing from your life. This passionate, romantic, breath taking love, one that made your heart go 200 miles an hour and then stop.

Charles couldn't believe what was happening. He was kissing Y/N, and it felt so right. She was intoxicating, the scent of her perfume was clouding his senses in the best way possible, filling him with a new need, a hunger that had been growing for so long was finally being satiated, and it was electrifying. He slid his hands up her back, to tangle his fingers in her hair, pulling ever so slightly, and revelling in the sound that left her lips.

Finally breaking away, panting and out of breath, he rested his forehead on hers. "je t'aime mon amour" he mumbled, eyelids fluttering shut. "I love you too. So much" Completely blissed out, the two remained in their embrace, neither of them wanting to break apart, from what felt like a dream. "Did you just kiss me, or am I dreaming" He asked, looking down at Y/N who had her head on his shoulder again.

"Why don't you kiss me again and find out ?"

"Of course, mon amour"

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#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #f1 imagines #f1 x reader #f1 #pierre gasly #imthebadguyyfics #imthebadguyyyfics

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yjwhatif · 3 years

Text

With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:

Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?

It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they? Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck. Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —

And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.

My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.

The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset

Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.

Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??

With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...

Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.

Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.

This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…

All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss. So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...

“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”

I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it. Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.

Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…

Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈

— LB ⚡️☀️

* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.

Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!

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bloody-bee-tea · 3 years

Note

Have a fluffy thought for distraction: discussion conference at Cloud Recesses, sect leader Jiang has not returned to the talks after a break and no one can find him. Hours later someone goes to feed the bunnies and finds him in the meadow, covered in bunnies. Maybe he's asleep, maybe he's awake, either way he can't move because that would disturb the bunnies and you don't disturb animals that picked you as their seat :3 he lives in the meadow now.

A field of rabbits

Well it certainly distracted me into writing XD <3

When everyone files back into the conference room and Jiang Wanyin is nowhere to be seen, Nie Mingjue doesn’t immediately panic.

This is the Cloud Recesses after all, and it’s highly unlikely that he got attacked or ran into some trouble here. After Wen Xu managed to burn the Cloud Recesses, they made sure that it’s one of the most fortified places right after the Unclean Realm and possibly Lotus Pier.

Jiang Wanyin might be a magnet for trouble, and he might look for fights more than anyone else Nie Mingjue knows except himelf, but the chances that he found either here are slim to none.

It’s much more likely that there was an emergency with his Sect that he has to deal with before he can come back to the conference.

It happened before and it will happen again; after all, they are all Sect Leaders here and there are always issues the second in command can’t deal with on their own.

Nie Mingjue has the utmost understanding for that.

But when Lan Qiren steps into the room and frowns, before worry visibly clouds over his face that’s the moment unease makes itself known in Nie Mingjue’s belly.

If Jiang Wanyin had to deal with something else, then he would have notified Lan Qiren, there’s no doubt about that.

Jiang Wanyin has the utmost respect for Lan Qiren and he would never be late or miss a meeting intentionally, not without telling Lan Qiren or informing him otherwise.

But it doesn’t seem like Lan Qiren knows what happened to Jiang Wanyin either, and that’s cause to worry.

People are already starting to whisper about his absence and Nie Mingjue clenches his fist.

Jiang Wanyin has been leading his Sect for over three years now; bringing it back from the brink and restoring it to much of its former glory and still people are talking about him as if he’s a helpless teenager who doesn’t deserve their respect or fear.

Nie Mingjue hates it with every fibre of his being, because Jiang Wanyin has stepped up for his Sect in a way not many would have been able to and it itches him to snap at all of them.

It’s only Lan Qiren who catches his gaze that stops him.

“Sect Leader Jiang has been delayed by an important issue. He is requesting for Sect Leader Nie’s assistance, so if you would, please,” Lan Qiren says with a meaningful glance towards Nie Mingjue and Nie Mingjue nods his understanding.

Lan Qiren has no goddamn clue where Jiang Wanyin is and he wants him to look for him.

Nie Mingjue will more than gladly do that.

There is no real danger here that could have befallen Jiang Wanyin, but Nie Mingjue still worries.

He has never seen anyone with eye rings that deep or black, especially since Jiang Wanyin is otherwise almost deathly pale and the concern that he might have just dropped dead is a real one.

Jiang Wanyin is pushing himself far too hard.

Nie Mingjue asks every disciple he sees if they have seen Jiang Wanyin but he only gets vague answers in return.

It seems like Jiang Wanyin vanished like a shadow.

Nie Mingjue feels frustration rise in him when he makes his way through the entire Cloud Recesses with no sign of Jiang Wanyin.

“You think the rabbits will be mad that we didn’t feed them?” Nie Mingjue hears a disciple say suddenly and he frowns.

“I think better the rabbits than Sect Leader Jiang,” another voice replies and before Nie Mingjue can inquire about what they mean, they are gone.

But he finally has a lead and so he follows the path that leads to the meadow with the rabbits.

He used to come here a lot with Lan Xichen when they were both younger and less burdened but ever since the Sunshot Campaign neither of them have the time for this anymore.

His feet still remember the path well though, and it’s not long before the first rabbits come into view.

The rabbits and a figure clad in purple.

Nie Mingjue breathes a little bit easier just for having found Jiang Wanyin but then it registers in his mind that Jiang Wanyin is splayed out on the ground, not moving or talking, and the worry comes back with a vengeance.

Nie Mingjue stealthily makes his way over to Jiang Wanyin, but as soon as he gets closer he realizes that Jiang Wanyin is breathing easily and deeply and he seems more relaxed than Nie Mingjue has ever seen him.

He just fell asleep then. That’s good.

Nie Mingjue has to bite back a smile when one of the startled rabbits makes its way back onto Jiang Wanyin’s stomach, where it promptly falls back asleep.

Nie Mingjue is unsure if the rabbits climbed on Jiang Wanyin and prevented him from leaving, causing him to fall asleep, or if Jiang Wanyin fell asleep and the rabbits claimed him as their bed, but it doesn’t really matter.

What matters is that Jiang Wanyin finally got some rest.

Nie Mingjue carefully sits down next to him, but of course Jiang Wanyin startles awake. It seems like the war and the stress are still too close.

“Relax,” Nie Mingjue lowly says, taking care not to startle the rabbits any more than Jiang Wanyin’s violent waking up did and Nie Mingjue watches fondly as the same rabbit as before makes its bed on Jiang Wanyin’s stomach yet again.

It seems to be a particularly good spot for sleeping.

“What are you doing here?” Jiang Wanyin asks him and his voice is rough enough to suggest that he at least slept for most of their break.

That’s good.

“Looking for you,” Nie Mingjue lowly gives back and puts a hand to Jiang Wanyin’s shoulder when he tries to get up. “Relax,” he says again and Jiang Wanyin does sink back into the grass, but there’s tension in his face now.

“The break is over,” he whispers, sounding horrified and Nie Mingjue nods.

“It is, but don’t worry. Lan Qiren has your back.”

“What did he say?” Jiang Wanyin asks as if he fears the answer.

“That there has been an important issue. You asked for my help, if you’re wondering,” Nie Mingjue says easily and then lays down on the grass as well. “And I like what you’re doing so I’ll join you.”

“Sect Leader Nie—” Jiang Wanyin starts but Nie Mingjue doesn’t let him speak.

“Mingjue. Nie Mingjue if you must,” he corrects him and then closes his eyes as the first curious rabbits start to explore him.

“I’m sorry,” Jiang Wanyin whispers after a long moment and Nie Mingjue blinks over to him.

“What for?”

“Missing the conference. Making you miss it, too. You can go back if you want to, and I’ll follow soon.”

Nie Mingjue eyes first the rabbit on his own stomach and then the numerous ones on Jiang Wanyin and raises an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t think either of us will. You don’t move if an animal has chosen you as their sleeping spot. It’s just not done. Believe me, I know. Huaisang has many birds who like to sit on me and you’re simply not allowed to disturb them. It’s an unwritten law,” Nie Mingjue tells him and reaches out for another rabbit to add it to the ones already on Jiang Wanyin.

“And would you look at that, another one chose you. You can leave even less now.”

Jiang Wanyin is staring at him with wide eyes and Nie Mingjue is absolutely unprepared to see tears well up in them.

It seems like Jiang Wanyin wasn’t prepared for that either if the panic in his eyes is any indication and Nie Mingjue does the only thing he can think of.

He plops a rabbit onto Jiang Wanyin’s face.

The rabbit doesn’t struggle like Nie Mingjue expected it to and instead stays on his face for long, long moments, and Jiang Wanyin doesn’t make a move to dislodge it either.

“I’m sorry,” Jiang Cheng finally croaks out again and Nie Mingjue sighs, before he crosses his arms behind his head.

“There is no need to be. You’re pushing yourself too hard. Lan Qiren and I worry. It’s good for you to take some time off and where better to do it than here. Lan Qiren will inform us if there’s anything important, but you should know how these things go by now. Sect Leader Yao will think he’s the most important man in the room until Jin Guangshan reminds him that he is in fact the most important man in the room and by then it will be evening. It’s not like we’re going to miss much.”

“True,” Jiang Wanyin says with a snort, which finally makes the rabbit move off his face.

There are no more tears in his eyes, but Jiang Wanyin seems bone-deep exhausted.

“Rest some more. I’ll make sure no one disturbs us,” Nie Mingjue lowly says and Jiang Wanyin closes his eyes with a sigh.

“I shouldn’t be this weak,” he mutters under his breath and Nie Mingjue rolls his eyes.

“You’re human,” he gives back. “And your body has needs. Sleep is one of them.”

“I don’t have time to sleep,” Jiang Wanyin whispers but he closes his eyes.

“You do now. So make the best of it,” Nie Mingjue advises him and he’s pretty sure Jiang Wanyin falls asleep before he even finishes talking.

Nie Mingjue stares at him for a moment longer—he didn’t quite realize that Jiang Wanyin was so tired that he would basically drift off in the middle of a conversation—but it’s not really a surprise, not with how exhausted he looks.

He watches Jiang Wanyin for a while, looking for any kind of movement, but he seems to be deep into sleep already and so Nie Mingjue turns his head back to look at the sky.

He’ll have to talk to Lan Qiren so they can figure out how to efficiently help Jiang Wanyin lessen the burden of leadership.

Jiang Wanyin is one of the good ones and it would be a shame to lose him to stress and sleep-deprivation this soon.

Nie Mingjue will make sure that he leads a healthier lifestyle than Lan Qiren and Nie Mingjue did back when they took over their respective Sects.

And the first step for that is to let Jiang Wanyin sleep in a field of rabbits. It seems like a good start.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

#bt writes #the untamed #mdzs #jiang cheng #nie mingjue #canon compliant #fluff #rabbits #sleep deprivation #hurt/comfort #jc needs someone who will look out for him #wolveshowlatnight

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