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himooonlight · 4 years

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who are you? pt. 1 (reggie x reader)

pairing: reggie x reader word count: 3k warnings: sad stuff i guess? this is mostly fluff though plot: you dream about reggie constantly and when you see him perfoming with julie, you decide to ask her about him A/N: english is not my first language and this is my first fanfic, so please, be nice ok? hope you like this. oh, and i'm thinking maybe 5 parts? who knows

- I know this is going to sound weird, but do you know any Reginald who likes country music?

The girl in front of me looks at me as if I have just said the biggest nonsense she has ever heard. Her smile fades and she checks around us as if looking for someone who had also heard my question.

Julie is an intriguing girl. She seems very understandable and kind, but I feel like my sanity is in her hands, which makes her figure weigh too much on me. I can't look away from her worried features, feeling bad for making her feel like this. I know she had a terrible year having to deal with her mother's death and all the block to play and sing, but I can't help it.

Not knowing the truth is going to consume me.

- What did you say? - She asks.

Julie and I have never spoken before. I am a year older than her and our school schedules have never crossed, even though I’ve seen her in the halls before. Everyone knows the incredible voice she has, the artistic talent that seems to run through her fingers - it would be impossible not to know about her reputation. What made me talk to her, though, was Reginald.

Reggie.

A boy I thought didn't really exist until three days ago.

- I asked if you know any Reginald who likes country music. - I repeat in a lower tone. - Do you think we can talk?

She doesn't hesitate to agree and soon steps forward to go to the music room. I only know about the existence of that classroom because some of my friends like to go there during lunch hours to sleep a little before afternoon classes. She opens the door, lets me go through, and closes it behind me, making sure we're alone.

We sit in the back of the room, near the windows. The horizontal blinds are open and the weather looks happy. The sun shines brightly and there are no clouds to tell the story of the crazy girl who has been dreaming of someone unreal for months and had fallen in love with a non-existent being.

It's funny how the figurative tranquility makes me uneasy. The day seems peaceful, serene while chaos is established inside of me. The blue, maroon and white paintings on the wall seem to make fun of my nervousness; the delicate yet majestic instruments seem to want me to leave considering that my madness is too much for anyone to bear.

Julie looks at me not knowing that she is my hope and that also makes me anxious. Possibly even more apprehensive than comparing my problems with the calmness of the place around me.

- I'm not sure where to start or if you're going to believe me, but I need you to listen carefully. If it doesn't make sense to you, if you don't know what I'm talking about, please just ignore it, ok?

Julie nods and moves her chair closer to mine. Her eyes look worried and I can see that she is an ordinary person. As much as many people have put her on a pedestal, she looks normal and comprehensive at close range. She doesn't look like someone who would be evil and bitter of her own accord and it's comforting to know that even if she can't help me, maybe she can understand my torments in some way.

I let the air enter my lungs, my shoulders going up and down slightly. She doesn't pressure me to speak even though I can interpret by her fingers tapping on her leg that she wants me to say something soon.

Without thinking too much about word choices, I open my heart to her because some things need to be shared.

Even when it's not easy to start.

- A few months ago I started having dreams with Reggie. He looks just like the guy you sing in that band with, the bass player. A friend of mine showed me a video of you a few days ago and I know it's him, it can only be him. - Without thinking too much, my hands reach for hers, as if begging her to believe me. Julie doesn't back down or make a move to start laughing and that encourages me to continue, with as many details as possible. - Do you know who he is? My friend said they are holograms, but probably it's inspired by some real person, right?

My speech starts to get tangled up and Julie continues with the same expression as when we arrived, just listening to what I have to say. I feel pathetic because I seem to be performing a show for something that in the eyes of others may be irrelevant. I wish I could explain to her that I am usually a very rational person. I like reasonable explanations, the feeling of being in control of where I am going, of having a detailed plan on how to achieve my goals. In general I know that unforeseen events can happen, but the relief that organization and rationality bring me is too comforting and important for me to be able to accept Reggie in my life under normal circumstances.

However, he quickly became someone important to me and it's scary how just the thought of him can make me feel nice and peaceful.

Reggie brought me peace of the kind that you often seek while sleeping or resting. Peace of the kind that we look for when looking at the sky, at flowers, at children playing in a park happily. He, someone I didn't know, offered me happiness by just appearing in my dreams, smiling at my sleeping version. It was something about his adorable smile, his small teeth, his upturned nose and expressive eyebrows. It was something about the way he made me laugh, how he had genuine intentions about everything, how his beautiful eyes lit up when he talked about something he liked.

- I don't know anything about creating holograms, sorry. - Julie answers, smiling weakly and clearing her throat. She looks uncomfortable, so I let go of her hand. - But if I find anything about it, I'll let you know.

- Julie, you really don't know anything about him? He loves pizza, has a very peculiar sense of humor and likes children and animals. He likes it very much. He is not very close to his family, but he regards his two best friends as if they were brothers. He is kind, understanding and real. I guess truthful is a better choice of words, cause I don't know if he really exists.

I know she can see my distress from the way I'm letting the words flow, but I can't help it. Reggie not only brings me peace but also a feeling of belonging that seems to go beyond the moment.

It's not like I'm getting to know him, it's like I'm recognizing him.

- Look, are you sure you are not confusing him with someone else?

Julie herself doesn't seem to believe or agree with her question. I'm being too specific and I know it. I know this because Reggie asked for my help on Thursday night's dream, saying that he didn't know if he could make it. I know this because he told me the name of his band. I know this because he said he didn't recognize me, but that he felt the same way about me, about us.

- Julie, I know about Sunset Curve. I looked them up and I know they died 25 years ago. - I answer, looking at my own feet. I don't want her to think I'm a threat and that I'm going to expose her secret. I just want answers, I just want a chance to understand my connection with Reggie. - I just want to know if you know Reggie. If there is anyone I can ask why he appears in my dreams, why I…

I can't complete it out loud, but mentally I say "fell in love with him".

I know why I fell in love with him, to be honest.

Reggie is physically familiar. More than that, it's like meeting someone special who means a lot to me. He's someone whose beauty comes from his smile. The kind of person who is always trying to see the positive in things. Who never believes that he has actually lost anything or that he is in the wrong place. He's the type to believe that every thing he dropped on the floor and didn't see, every umbrella forgotten somewhere, every delay unintentionally; everything means something. An arrangement so that he could be in the place he is in right now and that this place could not be a mistake. He's the type who doesn't bother with something that broke, with something unexpected, with something he isn't planning because he is convinced that maybe he broke a plate today so he could go to the market and find money on the floor or just feel how pleasant the day is. That maybe he was late because the bus he was going to take was going to break down halfway. He is the type who thinks that regardless of the situation, he is in the right place, where he should be.

Reggie has an engaging aura, as much as I couldn't even explain what exactly it means. He is affectionate, funny and I don't think I could ever create him.

- Why you…? - She insists.

- Why I feel this way about him.

Julie seems to think about what I said and I choose not to press her. I pay attention to the room, on how the sun comes through the window and makes me think of the day I met Reggie.

My first dream with him was at a book club. It was a friendly place that I had never visited before; a two-story white house with a big backyard. The meeting took place outside and the residence looked like it was turned into a cultural center. About five people had books in their hands and were talking excitedly about the story, going on about the metaphors the author had used to explain the parents' suffering when they lost their child. Near the boundaries of the place, three boys who seemed out of place were talking quietly. At their feet, boxes of instruments looked like misunderstood foreigners while snacks and sweets on the table near them were very much welcomed. The blond boy next to Reggie was talking to another boy about something I couldn't hear and Reggie seemed to shine.

It was late afternoon and the sun was passing through the trees in the yard. The white fence he leaned against contrasted with the black clothes he wore, while the darkness of the fabric contradicted with the gentleness of his face. He had caught my attention the minute my eyes met his.

Without saying anything, Reggie came towards me, making me nervous. In the dream, however, I was a man. As much as I was living and seeing everything from my point of view, my body was masculine and taller. My hands were calloused for some reason that I did not know and my clothes were extremely large, almost sloppy.

- Hi. - Reggie said, smiling as if he knew me. His eyes were shining and I was sure mine were too. - Do you have a name or can I call you mine?

We were not too far away from his friends for them not to hear us. Soon they started laughing out loud, embarrassed by the pick up line. I couldn't help but laugh, even though in some part of my brain I knew that maybe if the situation was rationalized, I would find it weird. However, I felt the same way about him. The desire to meet him, to know his preferences, to feel what his hand would be like in mine.

- Maybe I went too far with that one. - He said, giving me no chance to answer. - I think I have the right to remain silent.

- Reggie, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is capacity. - The blonde said, making the other friend laugh even louder. Some man behind us asked us to speak quietly and right then the sun stopped touching the man in front of me. It seemed that we finally understood that moment; seemed that the universe made sense.

Reginald was speechless, just like me. We looked at each other for a while, admiring each other's details. Because of that exact moment I would know how to point the timid freckles on your nose even with my eyes shut or on the way his eyes seemed to have at least four different shades of blue and green. At that moment I fell in love with his skin, his dimples, how well his hair was combed and how he smelled of jasmine.

- Hey. - I replied to him, holding out my hand. He looked into my eyes, then my lips and then took my hand in his. Time seemed to stop around us. - I guess you do have a name, Reggie, but can I call you mine?

Julie touches my arm, pulling me out of my memories.

- I don't know if I would have answers for you. - She says. - I'm sorry.

Julie gets up and goes to the door. I can't ignore the fact that my throat is dry and my hands are shaking slightly in anticipation of any more response that she wants to give me. Anything, any explanation that might justify how I feel about Reggie.

She suddenly stops and turns to me with wide eyes.

- You can't see, right? - She asks.

I don't know what she's talking about, so I just shake my head.

- Where's Reggie? - She talks again.

When I open my mouth to say that I don't know, he appears near the piano. His eyes are more intense than in my dreams and he does not smell of jasmine, but it's still him.

My Reggie.

I get up quickly and almost trip over the chair, making Julie look at me with even wider eyes. I look from her to him, repeating the process a few times.

He wasn't there a few seconds ago.

He appeared in the middle of nowhere.

Him.

He exists.

- What's going on here? - He asks Julie, but his body is turned towards me. I look him straight in the eye and walk slowly because I'm afraid this is a dream and I want to spend more time looking at him like that. - Julie, why does it look like she sees me?

- I see you, Reggie. - I speak softly, not diverting my attention from him. - You exist.

He opens his mouth a few times, not understanding what is happening and I feel the same thing that I felt in that book club.

Feels like I'm coming home, that I love him, that everything makes sense. I feel that there is too much of him in my heart.

- Can you see me? - He asks, walking slowly towards me. It seems the same distance from my first dream; the same strong feeling of belonging, of finding something that I had already given up looking for. - Do you really see me?

- I see you, I can really see you.

My vision starts to blur and I hear Julie talking in the background, but I can only look at him and ask myself if he knows who I am, if he feels the same. When a tear falls from my eyes, Reggie walks faster, ending our distance and extending his hand to touch my face. When I feel a shy and almost unnoticed contact, I close my eyes and throw myself into his arms, but I can't find his body.

Confused, I open my eyes again.

He's not there.

He disappeared in the middle of nowhere.

Him.

He does not exist.

- It's just a dream, isn't it? Is this my farewell to him? Will I never see him again in my dreams? - I ask Julie. I touch the piano that seemed so close to Reggie before and let my fingers roam the black top of the instrument. I just wish I could feel him the same way. - I could have swore that this is real, but I think I love Reggie so much that he made me like being asleep more than being awake. It is terrible to love him in my dreams and not have him when I wake up in the morning.

- You love me?

I hear his voice behind me and when I turn, he's there.

- Who are you? - I ask, like an idiot. I know who he is, but I need to understand a few things before I completely freak out.

Julie walks over to me and touches my wrist. She seems to be asking me not to scream or pass out. Something in Reggie's eyes is apologizing silently and I'm afraid of his answer.

- I'm Reggie. - He smiles weakly and it hurts me because it's a sad smile. - And I think you're my unfinished business.

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms fanfic #jatp fanfic #reggie x reader #juke fanfic #julie and luke #julie molina #luke patterson #alex and willie #reggie fanfic #reggie #jatp #reggie x y/n #reader

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zacscandura · 4 years

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Goodnight Punpun, one of the greatest yet hardest things I’ve ever read.

There are some small spoilers up ahead.

Over the weekend I read the manga “Oyasumi Punpun” also known as “Goodnight Punpun.” I couldn’t have chosen a worse weekend to read it. Halloween is also the birthday of my deceased friend, Jessica. Usually I can at least distract myself on Halloween since there’s so much fun to be had in it, but when you’re stuck in a dorm, all you can do is mourn.

Punpun is about the life of a young man. It starts when he is roughly 10 and ends when he is 21. The series delves into themes of depression, nihilism, suicide, hopelessness, day to day life, romance, sex, etc. We see him grow up, we see him deal with relationships. We see him experience loss. We see him contemplate both his own existence and suicide.

What’s interesting however, is that Punpun is not drawn as a human. He is instead drawn as a small, almost too simple, bird. Because of this, Punpun usually is expressionless. Hell, he doesn’t even say anything throughout the entire manga... At least not conventionally. Punpun talks through his own panels. These panels are pure black with white text. They’re usually his inner thoughts, almost as a narration. Whenever he speaks, it will be in quotations within these black panels. It gives the feeling of his inner thoughts. It’s interesting seeing Punpun grow, as well. Because Punpun’s design is so simple and somewhat abstract, artist Inio Asano was able to warp Punpun however he saw fit (to great effect). The more simple a character design is, the easier it is to warp it, and the easier it is to emphathize with it, so it was almost perfect to not make Punpun look like everyone else in the manga.

The artwork for Goodnight Punpun is phenomenal. Despite Punpun and his family’s simple designs, the rest of the characters and world are so detailed. The panels are laid out expertly, and there are plenty of double-paged spreads that look actively incredible. Inio Asano is a master mangaka, and it’s incredible seeing how densely layered and detailed his artwork is.

A large portion of Goodnight Punpun is focused on a girl named Aiko. Aiko is a girl who is almost just as broken as Punpun, but Punpun falls in love with her very early on in the manga. A large portion of his high school and adult years are of him searching for her. There’s even a point where Punpun says he would kill himself if he did not find her within those two years. The question would be though, after not talking to this girl in almost 5 years, what would happen to Punpun when he actually meets up with her again? Would she be the same or completely different? Punpun could possibly be chasing after someone who forgot about him. It’s sad, as everyone has that story of “the one that got away.” Everyone has that story of that person they want to chase after.

Punpun is both one of the most relatable protagonists, yet he’s not necessarily a good person. He’s selfish, he’s self destructive, he’s horribly depressed, but it feels natural to see how he turned out like this. It’s hard to admit that you relate to someone like Punpun. You meet him as an early child, and see how he can turn into someone so... Not evil, but definitely not someone you should relate to.

There are other characters that are just as broken as Punpun, however. There’s the already mentioned Aiko, Punpun’s verbally abusive and miserable mother, his depressed and self destructive uncle, his friend and on and off lover Sachi, etc. Each of these characters feel like real people. They all have their own motivations, flaws, insecurities, and have to deal with them in their own way. The cast of Goodnight Punpun is so diverse, that there WILL be at least one character you relate to way too much.

There are some scenes in this manga that broke me. I almost never cry, not because I think there’s anything wrong with it, I just can’t really physically do it anymore (even at times when I want to). However, there are multiple moments in Goodnight Punpun where I genuinely teared up. There are too many moments to account for, and I’m trying to be light on spoilers. So many things happened in this manga, despite only being 147 chapters (with 15-20 pages per chapter). There were times where I hated Punpun as a character, but also hated the world around him for treating him this way. Despite Punpun potentially being a bad person, you really relate to his mistakes and hope he turns out okay in the end. However, there were times where I genuinely thought the manga would end with Punpun killing himself. Does he kill himself? Read the manga and find out for yourself.

The ending left me feeling empty, but I think that was the point. Despite the fact that I finished reading it roughly 4 hours ago, I still can’t help but feel empty. Like I said, I really should not have read this on a weekend where I was grieving the loss of my best friend. Despite it being 7 years ago now, her death is always going to stick with me, whether I want it to or not. There are times where I would try to think she may have not even existed, and gathered evidence for it. I recently came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter whether or not my friend existed. I had my own memories, and I can believe what I wish as long as I don’t hurt anyone. Interestingly enough, Punpun goes through some similar things.

I can’t stress this enough, you should not read Goodnight Punpun if you still have thoughts of suicide. You need to be at least somewhat stable to read this manga. You also NEED to at least be 18. I usually think age ratings are dumb, since they usually aren’t realistic (people experience things like porn, rated R movies, rated M games, drugs, etc. before the age of 17-18, so it their ratings are somewhat meaningless). However, Punpun is something you should never even think about reading when you’re an adolescent or ESPECIALLY a kid. I really do not want to know what would happen to me if I was younger, read this, and took the wrong lessons from it.

That being said, if you are 18+ and mostly mentally stable, you need to read Goodnight Punpun. It’s something everyone should read at least once. It’s a story that could very well change your perspective on life. Keep in mind though, this is not something easy to read. This manga will test you, but the result is now one of my favorite pieces of media, ever.

#Punpun #Goodnight Punpun #Oyasumi Punpun

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waywardwrestlewritingwaif · 3 years

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The Call of the Wild Woman

Just some fluff featuring the green-haired goddess of NXT.

Pairing: Shotzi Blackheart x OFC

Word count: 2,412

Content advisory: brief sexual references, language

The first time I met Shotzi, I instantly liked her. We shook hands and she gave me this smile that made me feel like I was having a great day, even though there hadn’t been anything exceptional about it to that point. I was a little overwhelmed with all the people I was meeting, trying to get a sense of their look, their personality, their character, but I knew from our introduction that I was going to remember her for years, even if I never saw her again.

Of course, Shotzi’s a memorable person. Tall, tattooed, pierced and sporting that incredible acid green hair, it would be hard not to remember her. But I felt like I’d remember her vivacious eyes and confident smile just as much as the things that made her stand out from a mile away. My whole first day getting led around the performance center, I found my eyes drawn back to her whenever she appeared.

I had just been moved to NXT to take over as their chief makeup artist. I’d been working on Raw for close to a year when the position opened up and I’d been so excited and nervous about whether I’d get the job that I felt as if I’d barely slept for two months. My boyfriend and I actually broke up while I was waiting to hear back and I hardly noticed. We’d been struggling since his work had moved him out of state, and things had just sort of ended like a wave washing over a sandcastle. I wasn’t bitter but I was lonely. And that, along with my desire to show that I could run a team in high pressure situations, meant that I threw myself headlong into the new job. I tried to keep some time to see friends but work seemed more rewarding.

By the time I’d been there a few months, my circle of friends was largely made up of coworkers. There were always birthdays or barbecues or other things going on, and it was fun to be able to dish about work without having to explain a lot of background detail. I was enjoying myself. But, yeah, I was definitely lonely.

I dropped a couple of hints here and there that I wouldn’t mind being fixed up with any single male friends and a couple of the women made suggestions. A couple of the men did too. But none of it went anywhere. I was too busy and too awkward to make a first move and if any of the suggested bachelors ever thought to check me out on social media, it never resulted in a phone call.

Shotzi was always one of my favorite models. I loved transforming her from the natural beauty she was to the wild child who appeared on tv every week. And while we’d talk about work, she also had the greatest gifts as a storyteller, and the crazy stories to complement her skills. She’d been raised around bikers and conservative immigrants at the same time. She’d worked as a late night host for a horror movie tv broadcast before she became a wrestler. It was like she’d been born to perform and had found a way to do so while still being herself.

I found myself sitting at home, always alone, watching the silly and shocking horror movies she’d recommend to me, or tracking down music by bands she’d mention or whose shirts she’d wear. When she’d worked on tv, she’d developed a loyal following of teenage boys and girls who used to do everything from message her begging her to go out with them to sending her love letters and poetry to showing up outside the station in the hopes of meeting her. It sounded both creepy and sad but I sympathized a little with her starry-eyed fans. She was a kind of dazzling whirlwind of a person and, indeed, I was dazzled by her.

One day, I’d showed up at work after a particularly inauspicious Tinder date. The guy had picked me up for what was supposed to be coffee and a walk but had insisted that we stop by his friend’s place so he could get some pot. The three of us shared a joint and I assumed we were about to leave when another joint appeared. Being a lightweight, I declined but the two of them proceeded to smoke it themselves. Then the friend’s roommate came home from band practice. She pulled out her bong and that was getting passed around while she played us the hour-long piece of meandering prog that they’d created that day. All three of them seemed really entranced by what they could hear in the music, which I was pretty certain they were imagining.

About an hour later, my date and his friend started playing video games. I quietly tried to suggest that we leave and at least grab that coffee because I was clinging to the hope that maybe the guy, who was way cuter than I’d counted on, might have some redeeming qualities. He assured me we could leave in a minute. He and his friend were completely absorbed in their game, while the roommate randomly started telling me about how her mother had given birth to her at a Grateful Dead concert in the eighties, after following the band on tour for years. She didn’t seem to care much if I responded and would focus entirely on her phone every minute she wasn’t speaking.

Eventually, the roommate had begun to complain loudly that she was hungry and the guys agreed that we should order pizza. I handed over some money and advised them that I was a vegetarian, only to be surprised by a pizza that arrived looking like it had been fished out of a trash can, topped with pepperoni and cheese. I knew the place they’d ordered from and some quick math in my head made it clear that I had paid for basically all the pizza. They assured me that I could just pull the pepperoni off.

I was about to leave but my date insisted that we could head out in a few minutes to find me something I might actually want to eat. He was cute enough that I‘d agreed to stay just a little longer. A few more guys showed up to buy pot. Then friends of the roommate‘s had shown up with beer and put the stereo on so loud I thought the ceiling might cave in. I ended up leaving at eleven without even saying goodbye. When I got home, I realized that I‘d lost my house keys and had to ask a neighbor to help me break into my apartment.

I told this story to my coworkers to a chorus of loud “nos'' and peals of laughter. Others shared some bad date stories but this one did seem pretty dire. Everyone commiserated and it did make me feel better, like the night hadn’t been a total washout because I had a good story to tell and, as a couple of the girls pointed out, dates I had in the future were likely to seem pretty good in comparison.

“You should have taken some of the pot!” Shotzi exclaimed to a round of agreement.

“I wish I’d thought of that.”

It was a few days later that I was prepping Shotzi’s makeup and I noticed that she was a bit quieter than usual. She wasn’t unfriendly but there was something off.

“You ok?” I asked quietly, sweeping my brush out to give her the perfect cat’s eye flip.

“Yeah, I’m great.”

She didn’t sound great, or at least not in the enthusiastic way she usually did. I felt my neck getting tense as I tried to lead the conversation for the first time, knowing I wasn’t nearly as good at it as she was. I didn’t want to push her to tell me what was on her mind and at the same time, I felt like my forced smalltalk was probably grating on her nerves. I wanted to be entertaining but I lacked the stories and the flair.

Finally, when I announced that I was finished, she stood up just a few inches from me. I expected her to tell me to wish her luck, which I always did, but she didn’t move, her bright eyes focused on mine.

“Do you want to go out some time this weekend?” She asked.

“Like, hang out? Sure.”

She shook her head. “No. Do you want to go on a date with me?”

I sucked in a sharp breath, not knowing quite what to say. I fell back on the default. “Um, I don’t actually date women.”

“Oh.” She looked sad for the first time and a little surprised. “I’m sorry, I read some singles wrong. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“Not at all. I mean, it’s no big deal. I just… you’re gorgeous. I’m just not…”

“It’s fine,” she insisted, extending a hand as if to pat my arm but withdrawing it before she did. “Please, forget I ever said anything.”

Of course, I couldn’t forget that. In fact, I couldn’t even get it out of my head. I’d always dated men. I’d known women who were bisexual and lesbian but none of them had ever expressed an interest in me and I hadn’t found myself attracted to them. But Shotzi was attractive. She was stunning. And the more I thought about that first reaction I’d had to her, the more it seemed similar to the way I’d reacted to men I’d been involved with in the past. I just hadn’t noticed the similarity because she was a woman and I wasn’t into women.

But maybe I was into one woman.

She stayed friendly with me, although she didn’t linger as long in the makeup chair regaling me with tales of her rock ‘n’ roll childhood or films that had made her who she was. I hadn’t even realized that she had been lingering before. I just thought we’d been having great conversations. We had been having great conversations. Had I been sending the wrong signals?

I knew that I had marveled at how beautiful and unique she was. I’d gushed, really. But I’d been so floored by her that I felt like I had to let off some steam in the form of compliments or I’d never be able to focus on anything else. That didn’t change after the “asking me out” incident. The fact that I couldn’t release any of my thoughts made it harder to think about anything. I’d see her and I’d spend ten minutes feeling like kind of an idiot, then half an hour thinking about her chatoyant eyes, about the perfect heart shape of her face, or her full lips.

It was a few weeks later that I caught myself staring at her from the safety of the shadows while she prepared to go out for a match. I’d often stared at her body and I figured that it was because she had the kind of body that every woman wanted to have: perfect curves, toned limbs, smooth skin… Looking at her in that moment, though, I wasn’t so sure about my motives. Was I wishing that I had those taut thighs or was I wishing that I knew what it felt like to drag my lips along them, to feel her shudder at the sensation of my breath on her sensitive flesh?

Her match was thrilling, as her matches almost always were. She was whipping around the place looking completely out of control, although we all knew she wasn’t. The more danger she put herself in, the more she seemed to glow with internal electricity. It was no wonder that the company was already treating her like a star. You’d have to be dead not to get drawn in by her. But it occurred to me as I watched her that I was more drawn in than others.

When I saw her come backstage, I retreated to my makeup room and counted down what felt like enough time to allow her to unwind, shower and change before I made my way over to the locker room.

“Hi there,” I greeted her, a little shyly.

She glanced up and gave me a big smile while she patted her hair dry.

“Hey you.”

“So, if the offer is still open, I’d like to say yes.”

She arched her elegant brows and gave me a coy smile. “Now what offer would that be?”

“If you still want to, then, yes, I would like to go on a date with you.”

“Interesting,” she drawled. “What brought about this change of heart?”

“You did.”

She bats her eyes and points theatrically at her chest. “Moi?”

I couldn’t help but smile. The light in her eyes told me she was happy but she still wanted to make me work for it a little. Fair enough.

“Ever since I met you, I’ve found all these things- movies, music, all sorts of stuff- that I just never thought of checking out because I either didn’t know about them or because I just never thought I’d be into them. And the more I think about it, the more I think that I might have made a lot of decisions about what I like just because it was what I saw everyone else doing.”

“Well that’s cool, but I’m not a movie or a book.”

“No. You’re this incredibly cool, funny, exciting, sexy person who I love being around and who has me thinking about all sorts of things I hadn’t considered.”

“Ok. How would you feel about a midnight picnic at an old shack I found near the river?” She grinned.

“Will you hold my hand if I get scared?”

“I promise.”

I gave a little laugh and stepped closer to her, cupping her cheek in one of my hands and marvelling at how perfectly it fit there. Unable to resist the temptation, I leaned in and pressed my lips softly against hers. And immediately, a delightful shiver ran through every part of my body.

When we separated, she gave me an almost coquettish smile and laced her arm through mine, steering us out of the locker.

“You know,” I mused, “you don’t seem really surprised by this.”

“I’m not,” she responded with a wink. “I knew you’d come around.”

#shotzi blackheart imagine #shotzi blackheart fanfic #nxt imagine #nxt fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction #wrestling imagine #wayward wrestle writing

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queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm · 4 years

Text

The Most Vibriant Color In the Rainbow (Jasonette)

Red. It was in your veins, it’s the color of fire and the setting sun. Red was the color of France’s superhero. A heroine that was wilting like a rose. She was hanging on by a thread and the Fates seemed so very tempted to snip it. There, in the shadow of the heroine’s mantel, lies a girl who is just fighting to not have her voice stolen from her again.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was that same hero, but she was so much more than that. She was an artist, a daughter, a designer, a partner, and a friend. Marinette knew exactly how to fix any problem that came her way no matter how bad of odds there were. She came, she saw, and she conquered every challenge that dared come between her and her goals. All Marinette wanted to do was love. So the question is, what happened to the Marinette everyone knew?

Away with the firecracker that was Marinette, anew with a pale imitation of the beautiful girl. She moves mechanically, every step she takes she’s made a thousand times over. All of this because of the Antichrist herself, Lila Rossi, made good on her promise to herd the sheep into her flock. The sound of crocodile tears could be heard ringing through the classroom, “W-why are you s-so mean? I-I just w-wanted a dress f-for the dance!”

Marinette stared at the Italian woman with a glare that could kill, “And I told you, I cant. I have my responsibilities and you have your ‘responsibilities’ we’re both busy people. Your universe may revolve around Lila, but mine revolves around me. It’s sad that you think you can guilt trip me into doing something I don’t want to do when you and I aren’t friends. Call me mean all you want, but I won’t care. You and everyone else in this class mean absolutely nothing to me. I do what I have to do to survive and you are a shepherd to week sheep. It’s unfortunate for you that you would ever think I would fall in line for you.”

A hush fell over the room. No one expected Marinette to clap-back against Lila, but more so that she would speak with no emotion backing her. Lila, stunned silent, forgot to keep crying. Ladybug doesn’t let anyone treat her like a stepping stone, so why should Marinette? Marinette is Ladybug inside and outside of the mask. She just puts the mask’s responsibilities more important than Marinette’s happiness. An obnoxious girl with glasses broke the silence, “W-What d-did you say?”

“You heard me, Alya, we are not friends. You chose the shiny new toy over truth. I want nothing to do with unreliable sources,” The tone she used was deadly, “something you do a lot. It’s no wonder why Ladybug stopped endorsing your blog. It’s such a shame that you chose someone who Ladybug has publicly claimed has no connection to her over the one who got you your interviews. Or did you forget, that I’m the one who actually knows Ladybug and is friends with?”

Everything stopped. No one breathed, blinked, or moved. You don’t know fear until the wrath of the Cheng family befalls you. Though they might not have the resources, or so you think, (A/N: I headcannon that the Dupain Chengs are rich bc they are the best bakers in Paris, plus why would Gabriel or Aubrey let their children go into public school.) The Cheng family held themselves with a an air of respect without even trying. Marinette maybe wilting due to the weight of the world, but she would not crumble to the will of uneducated teenagers.

Red. That is the color of vengeance, anger, and blood. Red is the color of Gotham’s vigilante. A zombie of a man trying to rebuild what was once his life. Across an ocean there is a boy that just had his world turn upside down. He died an incredibly gruesome death and had he thought no one mourned his loss.

Jason Todd was Red Hood, the loose cannon of Gotham. Everyone thought the pit had taken him to the place of no return. That his mind was the problem. Yes, the pit madness made his angry, but it didn’t make him lose his mind entirely. Behind his anger, Jason was just a boy taken too soon and then mutilated for other people’s benefit. He craved physical affection. He pleaded for trust. He needs his father to tell him he loves him.

Red Hood stayed out during patrol to clear his head. He looked down on the city while perched on a high rise. It usually calmed the voices in his head, tonight they seemed restless. Jason wished for silence, he felt oppressed by the dreariness of the city. Something in his heart told him that this isn’t where he was meant to be. The voices told him to jump off the high rise and to the voices Jason responded with a kind, “Thanks Karen, but fuck right off.”

No stars could be seen due to the pollution of Gotham, but the moonlight shone on Red Hood. He stared at the moon, deep in thought, “Where would I even go?” He asked himself, “Who would want me?”

Not even the voices wanted to hear him talk about him, “Paris,” they whispered.

“Why Paris?” Paris? What’s so specials about Paris?

“Trust us,” the voices responded, “there’s something you won’t want to miss.”

Jason filed that under the folder titled ‘Another question for the therapist that I don’t have.’ He couldn’t deny the pull he felt towards Paris no matter how hard he tried. There was no reason to go though, but there was no reason to stay either. They were all fine without him before why would this time be different?

It was then Jason was reminded the coms were still on and that Tim was an insomniac, “Paris? What are you talking about?”

“Don’t worry about it Timmy. I’m just thinking about taking a vacation. Don’t tell B yet, I’m not sure I should even go,” He knew it wasn’t Tim’s fault, but he couldn’t help but feel that familiar tingle of resentment towards his brother. He shook the feeling away, “I just need a breath, Gotham seems to have me dying all over again.”

Tim reassured Jason that his secret was to be kept between the two of them. The feeling was still gnawing at his being on the way back to his apartment. Red Hood, the light hearted jokester, the one who needed to be restrained, a smiling pillar to the magnifying glass that was Bruce and Dick, was lonely. The question was: is he lonely enough to leave? The answer is yes. Jason is tried of being the second thought, he’s tired of having to report in, and he’s tired of the way the voices take up space in his mind when there’s no company to talk to.

Paris, be prepared. Red is coming to your city and it’s going to become a color of change. Red will paint the streets. Red is going to cause Hawkmoth to rethink if his antics are really worth the price tag that follows.

A/N: Marinette is 19 and Jason is only 20. This could be a series of this is something you all would want to read. I’m a sucker for Jasonette and I love the Maribat genre in general. Please let me know if you want to be tagged also! Thank you all for reading and supporting me!

Tags: @abrx2002 @amayakans @mystery-5-5 @normal-piece-of-shit @st0rmy-w1th1n @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @g-arya @smolplantmum @rayray384 @rosa97 @drarryismylife101 @kris-pines04 @black-streak @storyteller-d @weird-pale-blonde-person

#bruce wayne #damian wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous ladybug #jasonette #dc x mlb #crossover #angst #class salt #adrien agrete salt #adrien agreste #anti lila #anti alya #cloe redemption

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blu-joons · 5 years

Text

Dating Taehyung ~ BTS Headcanon

Getting Together

Taehyung was terrified to first approach you, talking to women was not his strongest asset

He’d confide in his leader that he wanted to talk to you, soaking up the advice Namjoon gave him

It took a while for him to build up the confidence to approach you, thinking it over again and again in his head

He’d prepared a whole speech in his head, but as soon as you spoke, he lost his train of thought

From the moment he first heard your voice he knew he liked you

For your first date you went to an art gallery, having found a common interest in it

The two of you chatted endlessly for hours about yourselves

When you spoke, his eyes were focused on you, and when you knew he was listening intently, his lips would part which you found adorable

He’d be very open with the boys about your relationship, looking for any advice or tips with girls

The two of you would speak every day, even if it was just a few texts back and forth if he was busy

There was no rush between you both, Taehyung wanted you to be comfortable around him before he asked you out

He tried to keep affection to a minimum, a little unsure of the boundaries, but when he could he loved to hold your hand

It was your tenth date he decided to make things official, taking you to one of the museums you’d always wanted to go to

In front of your favourite exhibit is where he’d decide to ask the all-important question

Tae was very meticulous wanting to make sure everything went perfectly for your special moment

He hung back from you, looking at you was all the assurance he needed he was doing the right thing

His figure came up beside you, sliding his hand into your own

“Y/N, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while, you’re so incredible, and I really enjoy spending time with you, so would you like to be my girlfriend?”

You could see how nervous he was, running his other hand through his hair

“I’d love that.”

The relief was overwhelming, his first proper relationship

He gave you a big hug before pulling away, finding the confidence from somewhere to kiss your lips softly

It was the most adorable moment, you realised then how cute Taehyung really was

He spent the rest of the day calling you girlfriend at every opportunity

His hand never left yours, never wanting to let you go now that he had you

Being In A Relationship

Tae struggled to begin with as he’d never really been in a relationship with anyone

He couldn’t wait to introduce you to the boys and show them the girl who had finally stolen his heart

He would always look to you for reassurance that he was doing the right thing which you didn’t mind

Very in touch with his emotions, if he wanted to cry in front of you, he would, knowing you’d be there to make him feel better

His biggest passion was taking photographs of you, especially when you were least expecting it

A lot of laughter, the two of you knew exactly how to wind each other up

Honestly sometimes people weren’t sure if you were genuinely arguing into you both broke into giggles

Constant compliments, he wanted you to feel like the most beautiful girl in the world

Leaving clothes in your closest because this boy had way too many clothes in his own

He would try and leave the studio fairly early to be able to wish you a goodnight before you went to sleep

You’d communicate every day, even if it was just a few texts back and forth

No matter how tired he was he would FaceTime you on tour each night, desperate to hear your voice

Doodling, he definitely got you in touch with your artistic side, constantly drawing

Nights spent with canvases in front of you drawing whatever came to mind

You loved to listen to him when he was playing his saxophone, you could sit in admiration for hours

Lots of visits to Panda Express, this boy was obsessed with the place

Long walks, Tae loved to have an empty space to talk about his feelings with you

Anniversaries were big, one month, two months, a year, they all mattered to him

You always remembered for your one year he made you a scrapbook of photos that he’d taken throughout the year

Frequent trips to galleries of some kind, you both loved museums especially

Sharing a similar taste in music, often sharing headphones on flights or in bed

Family was important, and his absolutely loved you much to his delight

Spending nights at the studio to keep him company, helping him with his choreography

You were a massive inspiration when it came to his lyrics

He’d surprise you with songs and poems he’d written when alone in his own thoughts

Tae was a true romantic, he loved to cook for you and shower you with presents

No matter the cost if he saw something that reminded him of you, he’d purchase it

He’d leave little notes around the house to remind you how amazing you were

If he saw you in the crowd that boy would break, he’d be overcome with happiness, falling to the floor

Your favourite aesthetic was his bandanas, they did not get the recognition they deserved

When he was angry, he turned to you to calm him down and hold him, soothing his breathing

If he was sad, he became very cuddly, you wouldn’t be able to get him off, not that you minded

He worked incredibly hard on his English, desperate to impress you with the things he’d learnt

Singing you to sleep if you’d had a bad day, running his hands through your hair

Holding your hand was always his favourite thing to do

It was a way of communicating with each other, when someone was uneasy, or needed assurance, a held hand was always comforted

He was very protective whenever cameras were around you

His hand would push them away, leaving a pathway for you, shouting for them to have some respect

The fans loved if you featured on a V Live, Tae would chase you around the house to get your face on camera

Tae loved to get up early with you and see the sunrise, taking photos of it

He’d turn to you for advice when he was shooting a video

He would shower you with affection, constantly being there, just wanting to be around you

Yeontan instantly took a liking to you, always wanting cuddles, greeting you as soon as you walked through the front door

Honestly, Taehyung was quite jealous that he’d lost his best friend to you sometimes

Affection/Skinship

Taehyung loved to cuddle you; he’d always have some sort of grip on you

Kisses were always passionate, he was a very passionate soul

He wanted to wait until you were ready for sex, he’d drop subtle hints

He was a little inexperienced so would look to you sometimes for advice making him submissive

When he was confident enough, he’d dominate

He always held eye contact with you, he believed the eyes could show exactly how you were feeling

Loved to give, he would happily give to you all the time, he just wanted to make you happy

His hands were very attentive, he knew every inch of your body like it was the back of his hand

Hands were normally pressed either side of your face, his thumbs brushing the skin

Sex always ended with cuddles, he’d hold you so tight to his body and refuse to let you go

His hands often rested on the small of your back, guiding you

There was little height difference between you, so he’d usually press a kiss to the tip of your nose

Honestly, he loved when you went down on him, it was a beautiful sight

He’d once asked if he could take a photo because you looked so hot, but you were a little apprehensive

As your relationship developed, he liked to try out new positions with you, but his favourites were always one where he could see your face

Sweet nothings were big, he would always compliment you, as you would him

Initially he made the mistake of telling the boys about your sex life, as he wasn’t sure what to do, but you soon stopped that

It was always a romantic occasion, the room would be dimly lit

Quickies were a big no; he loved to take his time and appreciate your body for all its beauty

Arguments

The two of you occasionally had a few arguments

Taehyung wasn’t afraid to speak his opinion, which wasn’t one you always necessarily agreed with

But when you did argue, it affected him hard

He’d struggle to come to terms with the fact the two of you had fallen out, making him quite emotional

He would always give you time, usually going to one of the boys for a bit of advice or support

You preferred discussions about your problems, you both were very good at talking to each other

Not once, ever, did he ever insult you, he would get angry, of course, but he never said a bad word about you

The worst sight of all was if you cried in an argument, he’d shed a few tears too, desperate to make things alright

You were a bit more stubborn; he’d leave you hundreds of voicemails apologising

If things got really bad, the two of you would end up arguing in front of the boys, eventually they’d step in and separate you both

Namjoon was always the one to help you resolve your issues, mediating between you both

You got over any arguments pretty quickly, just thankful to be able to hold each other again

Taehyung had been known to sleep on an argument, sometimes a fresh mind was the best one to resolve things

You could tell the signs of when an argument was brewing as he’d scratch the top of his head in frustration

Both of you were just passionate, and sometimes struggled to see a different viewpoint but your own

In the end you would have discussions, talking about your difference of opinion, allowing yourselves to learn more about each other

Your Relationship With The Boys

The boys loved you because you were Tae’s first girlfriend, they wanted you to feel so relaxed around them to support Tae

To begin with they were territorial over Tae, they wanted to be sure you were the one for him

You passed the test with flying colours, and soon became a huge part of BTS

Namjoon was like your elder brother, he would always be there to listen to you and give you advice

Hobi was your partner in crime, pulling plenty of pranks to keep all the others entertained

Jimin cared immensely for you, he’d make you drinks, give you lifts, he was always there whenever you needed him

Suga would turn to you when he wanted calmness, you’d just sit and play a game with him, in complete silence sometimes, exactly what he wanted

Jungkook took some time to warm to you, he didn’t want to share his best friend, but eventually the three of you became a trio to fear

Jin was the last boy you really felt comfortable around, despite being the eldest hyung you didn’t always appreciate the way he would argue with Tae, but after talking to him about it you quickly became friends

You were a calming influence around them, it wasn’t just Tae that needed you, they all did

Whenever you weren’t around, they’d ask Tae were you were

The Future

Just like the rest of your relationship, Taehyung didn’t rush a thing, he waited six years to propose to you when his work scheduled quietened down

He proposed at one of your favourite galleries, this time in France, the city of love, the old romantic he was

Quite a lot of money was spent on your wedding, Tae had so many plans, which all came together luckily

He wanted all the boys to make a speech, which they happily obliged to, all contributing to a song dedicated to you

Kids were always on his mind, with your first arriving just a year after your wedding

You had a big family, lots of children and dogs to keep you both happy, but honestly you didn’t want it any other way

There was so much love between you both you genuinely had the most incredible life together

Masterlist

#bts #bangtan sonyeodan #bts imagine #bts fluff #bts angst #bts headcanon #bts drabble #bts reaction #bts reactions #bts scenario #bts scenarios #v #kim taehyung #v imagine #taehyung imagine #taehyung fluff #taehyung headcanon #bts smut #bts boyfriend

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #309

“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time / and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”

Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''you're gonna go far kid'' by the offspring

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quoth-the-sparrow · 5 years

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Old Flames In The Rain

A Sanders Sides One-Shot

Warnings: TS Deceit, Sympathetic Deceit, Kissing/Making Out, Smoking (If I need to add anything, let me know)

Pairings: Anxceit

Description: Virgil and Damien were together a long time ago. What happens when they meet up again after four years?

Word Count: 1,211

You can also find this story here on ao3

Virgil removed his hood, leaning against the brick wall and watching the cars go by. Usually this street was crowded with people, but the rainstorm had everyone seeking shelter either at home or in one of the restaurants or shops that were still open. The rain didn’t bother him, and he could stay relatively dry under the awning of this abandoned storefront. It was definitely better than going into a building packed with people. Infinitely better than going back home just yet.

He closed his eyes and sighed, hands in his hoodie pockets as he paced. He’d had a hell of a day at work and he would kill for a drink, the stronger the better. Or at least a smoke. Gods, he hadn’t done any of that since… Well. Since high school. Old habits die hard, he supposed. That time had long since passed. He decided to wait a while longer, see if the rain let up any before making the trek back to his apartment.

Footsteps approached from behind him. He turned, ready to move out of the way if need be. He wasn’t at all prepared for the figure to speak to him, let alone to recognize the voice.

“Virgil? Is that you?”

He blinked and focused on the man now standing before him. He’d gotten older, yes, and his hair was now its natural blonde rather than dyed green but it was definitely…

“Damien? I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, what are you doing back in town?” Virgil embraced his old friend, a move that surprised them both. Damien returned the hug and chuckled lowly before pulling away. Virgil tried his best not to stare too openly. Damn, Damien looked good. Better than ever, really. Virgil shoved those thoughts away, he didn’t need to dwell on that.

“I came back to see my mom, you remember how much she worries.” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Want one?”

“Well speak of the fucking devil,” Virgil thought. What he said was “You know those things are bad for you.” He held his hand out for one anyways.

Damien handed him one and lit first his own cigarette, then Virgil’s.

“Yeah well, everyone has their faults. Besides, it’s not like I smoke all the time. Just every once in a while, to take the edge off. What’s your excuse, exactly?”

Virgil blew out a cloud of smoke and laughed. “You got me there, Dee. So how’s it been going? I haven’t heard from you in… what has it been, almost four years?”

Damien didn’t reply, not at first. Just smoked his cigarette and stared out into the rain. Virgil had a feeling he was looking at more than the scenery but he didn’t press the issue. Standing side by side like this was surreal. It almost felt normal, reminded Virgil of happier days. He shook his head and took a long drag of his cigarette. Finally, Damien responded.

“From a business standpoint, it’s going swimmingly. My designs are selling almost faster than they can be made, I’m in very high demand. I’m fucking rich, the way I always wanted to be.” His words were bitter, and Virgil frowned.

“It sure gets lonely out there though. Makes you realize just how alone you can be, even in a crowded room. Hard to make real friends. Acolytes, all of them. Leeches wanting a piece of your fame and fortune, nothing more.” He dropped his cigarette to the ground and crushed it under the heel of his boot. Virgil did the same and put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to Damien.

“That bad, huh? Is it worth all that?” Virgil looked at Damien, really looked. The man was tired, a bone-deep exhaustion caused by more than just the journey back here. Virgil wondered when the last time Damien had gotten a decent night’s rest. He didn’t answer, just shrugged.

Damien moved closer and took Virgil’s hand. “I miss you, V. Do you miss me? We were so good together. Remind me why we broke up again?”

Virgil gave him a soft, sad smile but didn’t let go of his hand. “There are lots of reasons why we didn’t work out. We were just dumb high school kids, for one. Neither of us were ready for any kind of serious commitment. Our lives were clearly going in two different directions. I was staying in town to help my dad with his business and you had all those dreams of going to L.A and getting famous. I wasn’t gonna be the one to stand in between you and your dreams, Damien. That’s why we broke up. It wasn’t the right time for us.”

Damien nodded, giving Virgil’s hand a squeeze before letting go. “Yeah, those are some good points you made. But the chemistry we had, there’s no denying it was incredible. Like fireworks, like burning stars.” He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit he’d had all the way back in high school.

Before Virgil could say anything, he felt himself being pressed against the wall, Damien’s lips on his.

Virgil kissed him back immediately, a fire igniting inside him, too hot and too bright to ignore. His hands went to tangle in Damien’s hair while Damien’s hands gripped Virgil’s hips, their bodies pressing against one another. The kiss was wild and passionate and every bit as electric as it had been way back when they first got together. It could have lasted minutes or hours or days; if anyone were to ask them, neither Virgil or Damien would have been able to say.

When they finally pulled apart they were both gasping for breath. Damien’s hair was mused and somehow Virgil’s jacket had gotten unzipped. The two stared at each other, each drinking in the sight of the other.

“Damien… I…” Virgil found it hard to speak. He hadn’t kissed anyone in a long time, and though he’d had a couple boyfriends after Damien, no one had made him feel the way he did now. Not even close.

Damien grinned at the sight of Virgil’s blushing face. “You felt it, even after all this time. That fire. Don’t even try to tell me you didn’t, I know you did because I sure as hell did.”

“I wasn’t going to deny it or anything, Dee. How long are you staying in town?” Virgil zipped his hoodie back up as Damien fixed his hair.

“A few weeks at least. I’m on a hiatus, so to speak. I haven’t found a hotel yet but I’ll figure it out.” But Virgil was shaking his head, pulling his phone from his pocket.

“Stay with me at my place. Here, put in your phone number.”

Damien did as he was told and gave the phone back to Virgil. “Before I agree to anything, I need to know something.”

Virgil looked into Damien’s eyes. “What is it?”

“What are we right now? I don’t want to do anything before I’m sure we’re on the same page.”

Virgil kissed Damien again but on the cheek this time. “To be honest, I don’t know, but I’m hoping we can figure that out together.”

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this story! Reblogs are greatly appreciated. Tell me what you think! If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my taglist, please let me know by sending me an ask. You can find me on ao3 at Storytelling_Sparrow. Thank you so much for your continued support!

Taglist: @theresneverenoughfandoms @galaxywitchwolf13 @magicallygrimmwiccan @daring-elm @creativity-killed-thekitten @007ardra @princeyssash @demigodnamedathena @khadij-al-kubra @im-shooting-straight @sawyer-saucee @gayzelley @it-me-the-phi @elfarmyenby @sparkedawg @ironwoman359 @today-only-happens-once @areyousirius-noheisdead @madly-handsome @milomeepit @princelogical @silversmith-91 @xxladystarlightxx @poisonedapples @romanamongthestars @ab-artist @ninjago2020 @anuninspiredpoet @justanormalfoot @gemini-the-kitsune-rp @urielthealienboio @aizawaisnotstraight @therubyjailcell @satanskatze

#sparrow writes #sanders sides fanfiction #ts deceit #virgil sanders #sympathetic deceit #anxceit #human au #past relationship #smoking #kissing #making out #ambiguous/open ending #reblogs are appreciated #let me know what you think

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rksuas · 4 years

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It’s the morning after the information came out. You either saw it yourself or someone else showed it to you—it’s been all over the internet now. Once you arrive for your regular schedule, a staff member is waiting for you outside. He rushes you in and helps you dodge the questions thrown at you by the few paparazzi who had been waiting for any announcements.

You’re automatically taken upstairs to where only the offices are found. You go inside as soon as you arrive. It’s a small meeting room. Sitting inside is your CEO, Baek Jiyoung, and two men. “Please, take a seat,” Jiyoung says. Once you do so, she stops tapping her finger against the table and shifts on her seat.

“You’ve probably already seen the news. If not, the word is out that you’re dating.” She motions towards one of the men beside her who then slides a cellphone in your direction. The screen shows the original post showing the given information. “We reviewed the proof, and it’s even more than they usually give. It’s usually something ridiculous, or only a few pictures. This is a whole case, Sua.” Jiyoung shakes her head. Her tone isn’t angry but disappointed. “You probably know him, here,” she motions now to the other man between you who gives you a nod. “He’s one of the dance coaches at Sphere, and he has some things to say.”

The coach swallows and pushes his chair closer to the table. “After spending enough time with the trainees, you start noticing when someone’s into each other. Whenever you pass by each other… it’s obvious.” Jiyoung continues from her seat at the end of the table. “Thank you. Getting attracted to someone is easy, right? But to date, in your situation, is both brave and incredibly stupid. Haven’t you worked hard to make your way here? Don’t you think about your future?” Before she can lose herself, Jiyoung stops for a moment and pushes a strand of hair behind her ear.

“First, you’re going on an SNS ban. Don’t post anything for a month, especially not about this. Secondly, you won’t be removed from my company– not yet, anyway. I don’t know what it is like in TRC, but I want to give you a second chance. Don’t leave this room hoping for a third chance, as you won’t get one. We’ll expect more from you. The coaches won’t leave your side, and they’ll make sure that your time spent here is spent training, and not daydreaming about our artists.”

“Lastly, you’ll break up.”

If you’d like to fight about it, she raises a hand to let her proceed. “He’ll be arriving soon, and I’ll tell him to do the same with you. We’ll tell the press it was all a lie, and we’ll move on, but your relationship ends here. This could have been the end of both yours and his career, Sua.” There’s a small pause. “I’m disappointed in you.”

The air is tense in the room, and no one else seems to want to say a thing.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

baek jiyoung sounds more like a disappointed mother than an angry boss, and for that reason, sua accepts the lecture. the last thing on her mind was ever disappointing her - there’s a lot of things that she could say, and there’s a lot of things she’s thinking. things along the lines of, what a fucking load of shit and i didn’t realize i was working for a bunch of cowards. but baek jiyoung is a disappointed mother, and sua hasn’t had a mother in a very long time. how else can she reply but accept the scolding like a child shamed?

she swallows her words with a blank expression - because ever since the news came out, sua hasn’t quite been herself. ( it’s almost like watching a movie play a scene; like sua is someone else.

but then the bomb drops, and it’s called break up. )

that’s when sua wakes up.

by the time that baek jiyoung finishes speaking and allows her to, it seems like she’s already decided how this is going to go. sua isn’t going to take it lying down. she hears the words do you have anything to say for yourself and in between the child shamed and the angry rebellion, she settles on something in between. her voice is level when she speaks up, for the first time since she stepped into the office.

she let the ceo lecture her. she let her nervous dance coach say his anxious piece, but sua is different. she won’t lecture and she’s not nervous. she’s not scared of this at all. “ i do, actually.” i have a lot to say. sua wonders if it’s clear that they’re going to be here for awhile, because this isn’t going to be an easy conversation. this isn’t going to be a sob story and i’m so sorry please keep me sajangnim, either. it’s going to be the truth, and it’s going to be what baek jiyoung needs to hear.

after all, a disappointed mother deserves that much.

“ i want to start off by saying that i’m not someone who wears my heart on my sleeve. i think that was very clear in the mgas, when people said i wasn’t funny - that i wasn’t someone who should be on my team, because i couldn’t make people laugh. that means i’m not like hyun. it’s hard for him to hide his emotions on his face. it’s a lot different for me.” here, she takes a second to throw a glance at her nervous coach, sighs a little, and continues. “ hyun and i actually broke up once, before i was even signed to trc. that’s the reason i was actually signed in the first place, so that means i started off my career as a trainee single.”

“ we wanted to try again regardless. because we love each other, and that’s what people who love each other do.” she pauses, and keeps her eyes locked with baek jiyoung’s. “ by now, we’ve dated for two years, which means that he broke his contract for me. of course i would do the same for him. but because i’m not someone who wears my heart on my sleeve and he is, it was hard at first. i had to keep reminding him to be more subtle - because i haven’t had a problem being subtle. that’s not a problem for me.” sua tosses her hair back out of her eyes before she continues, “ i fully suspected that you brought me to sphere because you knew about us, sajangnim. but the months went by and i never heard a thing from you, or from my coaches saying otherwise. i’m not sure if you were turning a blind eye to it, or if you actually didn’t know. but if you didn’t, that means we’ve gotten a lot better at hiding. it’s true too, if the evidence they provided is anything to go by.”

sua sucks in a breath through her teeth, but her expression is carefully neutral as she speaks. “ i’m not sure if you think i have the right to negotiate with you, but i do want to point some things out and try.” she relaxes in her chair, fingers knitting together as she works on how to word the things that she wants to - without rudeness, without bitterness. it’s not as difficult as she thinks it would be. “ you’ve called this my dream, and i suppose you can say that. but i wouldn’t be standing here today as a person striving to be an idol without hyun. in the end, he’s the one that pushes me to be better, and to do better - in the end, somewhere along the line, he became a dream, too - ever since i met him for the first time when i was fourteen. it’s a story that he doesn’t remember, but i do because he made that much of an impact on me then, and he still pushes me to do better now. he’s a dream that i intend to keep.”

“ you said it yourself, sajangnim, but i’ll say it in my own words: i’ve worked my ass off to get here. clearly you’ve seen it, or else you wouldn’t have said it - so why, because of this, am i being accused of daydreaming instead of working? i’ve always came to training on time, every day - even on days when i didn’t want to. even on days especially at trc where i was questioning whether or not i wanted to be in this industry, because i really just don’t like how dirty it can be. but i’ve persevered anyway, and i’ve worked hard for it.” here, she pulls her gaze away from the ceo to look at her coach, as if she’s speaking to him: “ i’ve never heard complaints from the coaches. not once.” she pauses, biting the inside of her cheek. it’s something like betrayal, or tastes like it when she tastes blood on her tongue.

“ if i’ve not been up to your standards, this isn’t all on me. no one ever told me i wasn’t doing my best because i know i’ve been doing my best, and more. if i heard a critique, i would have changed it because i’m not the kind of person to swallow it lazily. i’m someone who works to undo that perception.” sua sighs, swallows - this is the first time she’s talked so much at once in such a long time, but it’s for something important. it’s for something worth fighting for. “ i know that i’m lacking, especially in vocals. but it’s not to the point that any critique i’ve gotten has been because of daydreaming, or laziness. it’s been because of technique which i’ve still been working to learn.”

“ in sphere, you’ve given us the freedom of time in our schedules; you’ve given us freedom when it comes to our creative interests. but when it comes to how we choose to use that time, when it comes to the freedom of being happy - suddenly it’s as if the company thinks we don’t know how to act. the industry itself expects us to be robotic creatures, but we’re human. and i think, of all the companies, sphere has the ability to recognize humanity more than anyone else. that’s what an industry leader is meant to be.” sua pauses, pursing her lips as she thinks. “ sometimes, being a leader means taking risks. having faith in your artists might be hard, but you won’t ever know unless you let them prove themselves. as a company, sphere might have happier artists, and more willing artists, if you let them choose happiness. more people would be willing to work for you.”

“ i know i would. if you think that i’ll be working harder after a breakup that you’ve forced on me, you’re mistaken. energy depletes quicker when you’re sad, you have less drive to do anything than you would were you happier, or at the very least, content. i understand that this is a disappointment to you, sajangnim.” sua pauses, and a glimmer of apology does cross her features, but it’s back to being carefully neutral in but a moment. “ but people won’t get anywhere if they’re crushed.”

“ i want to be someone in this industry who tells people to stand up for what they believe in, and that it’s okay to do so. i think that starts here. and i want to continue being this person in sphere; i want to be someone people look up to. i don’t want to bow my head and be afraid - i’ve faced a lot of things far more scary than someone telling the world that i love someone else. it doesn’t scare me, and i want to show you that it shouldn’t scare you either. i want to change this world.” there’s no begging in her voice, nothing to say that sua is pleading with her ceo. instead, she’s simply trying to convey her thoughts - as an employee, and hopefully, as an equal. “ so i’m asking you to let me prove myself. to let hyun prove himself, and let us prove to you together that we can have two dreams instead of just one.”

sua licks her bottom lip, knowing that this is coming close to the end - the worst that baek jiyoung could do is say no, right? but if that’s the case, then sua’s not really sure this is the place she wants to be - she’s not sure if anywhere is right for her, anymore, if someone won’t let her play on an even playing field. “ i don’t mind if you take my sns away. you can work me until i drop, or until i break. whatever you see fit, i will prove to you that i am an adult, and can handle two dreams. i don’t expect you to let me go public with hyun. i don’t care if it’s in secret, but i won’t be breaking up with him.” she pauses. “ it’s his choice if he wants to do so. but i can’t, and i won’t do that to him again. but if you give me a chance - ” here, she looks determined, fiery - more like herself. “ whatever it is you expect from me, i’ll achieve it and more. because i want to be someone who stands up for what they believe in, in this industry and out of it. and if i don’t, i won’t be me anymore so i - .. hope you understand.”

#sphereent #rkhyun #sua rly said yeah let's not to baek jiyoung KDFJSL #sua vc: i'm on my expert leadership shit #submission #tw: disassociation

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nigelgodrichproducer · 4 years

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Nigel Q&A in The Guardian

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/live/2020/feb/21/nigel-godrich-webchat-ultraista-radiohead-producer

Nigel did a very nice Q&A for The Guardian. Reproduced here for posterity’s sake:

Q: I saw Atoms for Peace at the Roundhouse [in London]. The lot of you seemed exceptionally into it. How much of a thrill was it to play with Flea? He seemed totally lost in the gig at points. I think Flea is one of the greatest human beings I've ever had the good fortune to spend time with, let alone make music with. He's such a generous player and probably my most rock'n'roll moment is standing on stage staring at his face 6 inches from mine, or when he jumps up on my riser. Massive respect to that guy, and you should read his book. Q: Nowadays, I’m asked to master tracks for Instagram and Spotify as opposed to vinyl and CD. What’s your view about how streaming has affected everything? – John Davis, Metropolis Mastering That's what my book's going to be about... Q: How do you use intuition as a tool in your productions and how do you know when something you are working on is finished? You mentioned Talk Talk and Mark Hollis – he stopped when he thought he could not add anything new. Can you imagine yourself doing something entirely different? Definitely. And it has crossed my mind many times - working more in visuals, videos, even film. But these days the hard thing is finding the time, when you keep getting sucked into exciting things you want to do, and can do. I could definitely write a book and I've enjoyed doing stuff on radio. Q: Is there any track from any artist you’ve worked with that you are particularly proud of? Something that brings back great memories when you listen to it? Sure! How about Diamond Bollocks from Beck's Mutations? Which was just the studio equivalent of sitting in a hot tub drinking champagne with a bunch of your best mates, and two days very well spent I would say. I'll always enjoy listening back to that sonic postcard. Q: Pavement’s Terror Twilight is one of my favourite albums and sounds incredible. But the band broke up soon after it was released and I understand that relationships were strained. Did you enjoy producing that album, and how do you think it holds up to the rest of your work? Yes I love that record actually, it's one of my favourites and I enjoyed making it immensely. It was such an adventure to fly off to America to make a record with people I hadn't met. Maybe there were some internal politics, as there are in any band, but I made friend forever in Stephen and I think I performed my role well: my idea was to make something that stood up straighter and felt like it might reach people who were turned off by the beautiful sloppiness of other Pavement records. I just thought they were such a good band and wanted them to reach a bigger audience. The writing may have been on the wall even before I got there, but I don't think I had any part of that, and I heard they're getting back to play shows, so there's always a happy ending, right? Q: Any chance of another Basement session? I would love to and plan to do more from the basement. Watch some space somewhere, but it was such an enjoyable thing to do and I look back on it as a great archive of those times. For sure it will happen. Q: Where did the artwork for the new Ultraísta album come from? Part of the fun of doing this album with Laura and Joey is the creative elements of all the stuff that isn't music. So for example we do all our own artwork and videos, and the cover is a photo I took of Laura inspired by one of my favourite photographers, Gjon Mili, a Hungarian-American photographer. We also made a lot of video content which is bleeding out into the universe slowly and relates to the album and its theme of colours, and also includes a lot of footage from the London Underground which is a particular obsession of mine. I'm great at dinner parties. Q: How hard is it making an album? How hard is a piece of string? It totally depends on a million factors. The imperative nature of your delivery date, or maybe just whimsical noodlings that can continue for some time. Or it can be really very hard, and you have to coax people who are struggling through a very difficult process. I feel like I've had every version of this. And it can be quite leisurely, eg the Ultraista record, which was what I would call a country club style social bonanza. We could take our time and work on it when we had time, and even though the challenges were there, it was actually quite natural and easy. Q: What do you listen to as you’re trying to fall asleep? I cannot fall asleep with any music playing, at all. I cannot have sex with any music playing at all. I cannot do any other activity, as my brain just tunes into it involuntarily and I'm rendered incapacitated. Q: How much Marmite do you consume? A daily teaspoon. Q: You seem to shy away from technical-oriented discussions. Any reasons for doing so? A lot of bands have noted how quickly you work and that you’re not too precious about the recording process, yet the final result comes off as meticulous. Do you have any insight into how to move fast and capture the energy of the moment? Do you organise the studio and control room in a way that is responsive to any creative situation? The reason is because I think people attach too much weight to equipment and studio trickery when the reality is I consider the most important part of making records is about musical sensibility and communication with those involved, and the notes, and the words. I get very annoyed with people asking me what my favourite microphone is. It doesn't matter. These days I don't even use the expensive ones. One of the reasons why music has become generally worse, and I'm sorry to say that, is that people think about technology more than the actual music they're making. So sue me. To your second question, see the above answer! The recording process is best when fast, because it's then the smallest obstacle to the actual music. That doesn't mean the end result shouldn't be absolutely meticulous and pored over for hours and reconsidered and reframed and sat in different places, whatever, but how far you keep you kick drum from the mic really doesn't matter. Q: Those of us who shelled out for the deluxe edition of A Moon Shaped Pool also received a small length of half-inch tape alleged to have been retrieved from actual Radiohead sessions dating back to Kid A. Were any lost and unreleased gems included as part of this Willy Wonka-like scavenger hunt, or is my piece of tape likely to contain something disappointing, like Colin Greenwood practising a bass run? This is absolutely true. I was staring at mountains of half inch tape reels from the Kid A sessions and felt sad because they were all very soon going to be unplayable useless bits of plastic that would just contaminate the environment. And thought it would maybe be better to send them off to some people who would appreciate them, so as part of the packaging with Stanley Donwood, we realised we have enough tape to wrap each special edition with a small length of it. On each tape is part of an outtake, alternative mix, instrumental, something that would have been thrown away when it became unplayable. It just felt poetic to send it out into the universe. Unfortunately I don't think people truly understand what they have... Q: What was it like working with Roger Waters? Did you consciously avoid “big guitar solos” to negate it sounding like David Gilmour/Pink Floyd. Roger is a fascinating character, really a genius. The whole experience was incredible, being able to watch this guy thinking his way around things, particularly with words and motifs and conceptual ideas. Again one of my rules in that case was there would be no big guitar solos - in the same way as the McCartney thing, I was interested in another musician, and wanted to hear him speak, and hear his musicality. As the usual formula with his solo work seems to be to find some soundalike, and use that Guitar Hero equation, which I feel is lame. So the decision was to use orchestration as a musical foil to the beauty of his simplicity and songwriting which would keep the light and focus on the words he was writing. And keep the focus of the whole work simpler. Q: I would imagine that very few people question Paul McCartney’s methods in the studio. How difficult (or not) was it to say to him, “How about doing it this way?” during the making of Chaos and Creation in the Backyard? Well, that was the entire point! Like I mentioned before, he called me, so I was able to dictate my terms, so to speak. My general appraisal was that I was more interested in him rather than the people around him, so persuading him to play everything was part of the "method" that allowed us to move forward with this work. That worked very well. His charm as a musician is astronomic and undeniable, he's a very intelligent musical person. He was very brave and put up with a lot of crap from me - he could have told me to fuck off at any point, but he really met in the middle to see this experiment through, and I left with even more respect for him than when I went in. Q: Really curious if you like classical music, and if so which pieces? Would you consider doing Big Ears festival [in Tennessee]? Yes, I would not claim to be an aficionado in any respect, but I'm a big fan of Debussy's Preludes, and one of my favourite pieces of music is his Arabesque No 1. I also love Prokofiev in general, and Erik Satie's Gymnopedies really get me going on a Sunday. Q: Is it true that much of The King of Limbs was recorded with the software Max/MSP? If it is true, how much of a hand did you have in programming and using Max/MSP? Jonny Greenwood seems to have taken all the credit … This is basically bollocks. I went to a dinner party 15 years ago and sat next to a Stanford grad who told me about this software, Max/MSP, and took it back to Johnny. He's used it on and off on lots of things, as have I. King of Limbs is made up of everyone throwing pieces of audio together - Johnny used Max/MSP in that case to link up a turnable via a piece of software called Miss Pinky. The result was a huge and gigantic mess that took me about a year and a half to unravel, and then Thom wrote over the top. So there you have it. Q: Thank you for your inspiring work! Do you have a favourite Joni Mitchell album? Joni Mitchell is my favourite human artist of all time, she is incredible. I have to give you a top three. 1. Hejira 2. The Hissing of Summer Lawns 3. For the Roses But would say all of her output between Blue and Mingus is untouchable. She is a unique combination of musical and lyrical talent. She's pretty much the only person I find can write a narrative lyrically that can remain poetic but articulating, communicating, beyond the abstract; it's very specific and very beautiful. And as a musician she dug deep into so many vats of folk and jazz, still managing to spin her incredible voice into the mix. Q: Created an account just for this. I’m a human person who enjoys audio production and engineering a lot. I’m quite shy when it comes to working with other interesting music folk, mainly down to the fact I have no idea how to write a melody. I love sounds and atmospheres, making things sound full and all that great stuff. The question I’m really getting at is: when was the first time you knew you could do this? Did that moment happen at all? And how has your relationship to music evolved? Bit of a belter of a question, but you asked for this so I don’t feel bad. I think I realised, retrospectively, that from an early age I had a fascination for recording. My dad worked at the BBC as a sound man and as a child I was surrounded by the tools of his trade so I always watched enviously and wanted to play with things. When I was very young I asked for a machine to make records, like really young, and he told me in his calm wise way: no I couldn't. But he bought me a cassette machine, so I could go around and record things: the TV, the train set, running water, things that sounded interesting when they were played back. I always aspired when I started recording music in studios, I tried to emulate my heroes, like the Trevor Horns, but found what worked best was going with the things I could do well which were an organic-ness to sound, rather than a clinical shinyness, which I loved to listen to. Making a dark brown soup was more my skill, that making a big fairy cake. I was wise to go with the things I was good at - isn't that the art of life? Q: What compels you to commit to a project? Is it a different circumstance each time? Can you please produce Keane’s next album? Tom Chaplin is a fan, I’m sure you know! Yes definitely, every project is different, but I would say I'm very wary of people's preconceptions and expectations, and generally my first question to them is: what do you think I'm going to do? Just so they don't have some idea that I'm going to repeat something I've done before or make them sound like someone else I've worked with. Generally I can make a fair appraisal of whether I have something valuable to contribute and will generally like what we can do together. I'm not under any illusion that I can improve someone I'm already a fan of so I never approach anyone – they have to ask me. Q: Are you a night owl? If so, how do you deal with society’s preference for early birds? Do you suffer from insomnia? Hell yes. Nothing great happens before dinner. I have always been like this, I have always leapt out of my bunk bed as a child at 3am to run across and start building something out of a piece of wood, or do a drawing- all creativity happens in my brain at night. I deal with the unfair preference of early birds in society by having chosen a career whereby I get to dictate my hours. I wouldn't dream of starting a working day before lunchtime. Producers start flowing over coffees at dinnertime. I like the isolation at night - there's no background noise, and you can really focus. And also night, it's has a dark cloak of melancholy which makes you connect to something inside, in a way you can't do when the sun is shining. Daytimes are for nice walks in the park - nighttimes are for sitting alone at a laptop. Q: What state are the songs in when you start working with an artist? What is the variant that most changes in the production process? Structure, aesthetics, sound? Love from Argentina! Every single version of the process is different. Sometimes you have everything completely written; siometimes it's a case of building a song from a fragment of audio that's created abstractly, which is the case with Thom's solo work and a lot of Radiohead work. Even if a song is finished you can still improve it with editing and working out what it's strengths and weaknesses are. And also how to present it as an orchestration, or sonically if there's a trick you can use to make it pull you in. I like all versions of this, because they use different parts of your brain, but sometimes it's great to be given amazing songs and a blank slate to make them happen - that hasn't happened for a while! :-) Q: You’ve worked with countless musicians. Do you adapt to their work process, do you propose a process, or is it an exchange? And with Ultraísta, specifically, did you have the same process with the second album [Sister, out in March] as with the first? Did all the time in between the two influence the way you produced an album together? Can’t wait to listen to Sister! There are no rules to methodology, in fact the skill is creating a new method each time that will generate work which will generate output, which then becomes the work. Every time you start with a band that's two guitars, bass and drums you hit the same brick wall, and it's my job to think of a quick fun way to kick the ball out of the pitch, and remain focused enough to catch it when it gets thrown back in again. With Ultraista, what started as an exercise in wordplay and groove construction on the first record this time has become a more refined process and in an effort to make more song like structures. We are all indeed different people from when we made the first things and we're amused by different things, so thus the goalposts move - to keep the metaphor going - and the method changes. Q: Which producers and which records inspired you as a young would-be producer? As a kid, I was obsessed with Regatta de Blanc by the Police, and saw it was produced by Nigel Gray. A lightbulb went off that there was someone called Nigel doing this stuff. In terms of influences, there are ones with mythological status, like George Martin, or Trevor Horn, both of whose work I absolutely love for different reasons. Martin for his inventiveness and creative approach to the technology of the day, ie the new possibilities of multitrack tape, and the use of visual devices like sound effects. Trevor Horn for his obtuseness and skill as making artful pop music using, again, the tech of the day. Which could make bend and shape things to become bigger than real life and make the brain do somersaults. And then more direct practical influences on me such as the people who actually taught me, including Phil Thornalley, John Leckie, Steve Lillywhite, and others. These are people I watched directly and emulated. Q: What is your feeling/relationship with failure? Don’t mean to be a downer, just curious to learn about your journey when overcoming failure. This is a very good question. It also depends on where you're standing. A lot of things could have been better or were small failures, small battles in a larger war. You regard as part of the process moving forward what the end goal is you're trying to succeed. I wouldn't regard any of my work as massive successes as they're all attempts to achieve the unachievable. However, if you're referring to something like the Strokes episode, it wasn't a failure, neither of us walked away hurt from that experience. It was just fascinating. And everything else has been successful, hasn't it?? Q: It’s been a year since the great Mark Hollis passed away. How much of an influence were/are Talk Talk on the Radiohead sound and your work with the band as producer? For me, personally, I was a massive Talk Talk fan and I used to listen to those records endlessly, certainly Laughing Stock and Spirit of Eden. I think they were again things that really plugged into your feelings - our version of a classical symphony that you would start and listen through to the end. Q: Which album has the best atmosphere in its production? I can never get over how rich and ghostly Time Out of Mind by Bob Dylan and Daniel Lanois is. Every record is different and you feel different about every record as time passes, but I think In Rainbows is very evocative due to hte space we recorded it in. All the ambience on that record is real, it comes from the house we recorded it in, so that conjures up a very visual image for me when I think of that record. Also Beck's Sea Change is a very emotional record, evocative, which somehow crystallised perfectly sonically to me, and if I hear any part of it it takes me back to that time. Which I regard as a job well done. It's a conduit to your feelings, which is a goal, it's what you're trying to do. Q: When you’re making a record, do you try to listen to as much other music as possible to spark ideas? Or do you do the opposite – try and isolate any external music to not get thrown off what you set out to make? When I'm working on a project I don't listen to anything else, it's not out of choice, I'm just compelled to be focused on what I'm thinking about, and it stays with me when I leave the studio. I literally don't want to hear anyone else's music!

#nigel godrich #radiohead #beck #ultraista #roger waters #pink floyd #paul mccartney #the beatles #record production

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kaepop-trash · 6 years

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Push and Pull

Rated: Mature

Pairing: DoyoungxReader

Summary: As a curator, it was a matter of pride for you to understand art as well as the artist. But did you really understand Kim Doyoung?

Extra (Part 2?)

“I put my heart and soul into my work, and I have lost my mind in the process.” — Vincent van Gogh

First movement: Allegro

“You haven’t visited in awhile.” The doctor looked up once, assessing her presence before looking back at the notebook in his hand.

“I didn’t feel the need to.” She relaxed back into the arm chair, caressing the soft fabric on the arm with her hand. The doctor looked back up, towards her arm this time and wrote something down again.

“What made you feel the need to now?” He looked back up, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

“I had to go to church yesterday. I say had because an old acquaintance got married and I was left with no choice.” She frowned at the memory for a second before returning her gaze to the doctor who looked up at her, interlocking his palms in his lap as he listened carefully.

“What was that like?” He asked with a passive tone, taking his glasses off, a further indication of his full attention.

“It felt wrong. Like I was an imposter.” She looked away as her mind travelled into itself, her frown growing back on her lips.

“How so?” She huffed at the typical line of questioning.

“There was this painting, tucked away in a corner. An angel was murdering a demon and protecting a human, a helpless looking women with her hair flowing in the wind and blood on her chest. I sat by it the whole ceremony and it was all I looked at.” Her hand stopped stroking the chair and rested still on it.

“Why do you think it was murder?” He asked curiously. She seemed to break from the trance she was in and turned to him perplexed.

“Well that is what it was isn’t it? The angel was killing him.” She tilted her head to the side slightly.

“Wouldn’t you say the angel was protecting the women? Eradicating the evil?” He pushed.

“What determines evil here doctor? Do we assume the demon is evil because it has horns or do we say the angel is evil for killing another being? What if the women didn’t want to be saved? I saw the women and I didn’t see victory or relief, I just saw pain.” The doctor nodded at her words, writing down something on the notebook once again.

“You didn’t answer my previous question.” He said without sounding demanding.

“The first time I went to church was when I was fourteen, after my aunt caught me touching myself. She cried for hours and begged the lord to forgive me before she pulled me to her church and told the priest how my parents ruined me by never making me believe in god. She then shoved me into those confession boxes and told me to seek forgiveness. It’s funny because she already told the priest everything, but I had to do it myself, admit I was wrong.” She laughed a little, shaking her head.

“And what did you do?” He asked and she turned to him with the ghost of a smile playing at her lips.

“Well doctor I confessed of course. I did do it, and I’m not a liar. But then the priest said the lord forgives me so I asked why. He seemed uncomfortable but I was genuinely curious.” She shrugged, crossing her legs and sitting up, tracing small circles on the arm of the chair.

“About what?” The doctor said, picking up his glasses again to take more serious notes.

“If I had done something wrong I would feel bad about it right? I would feel guilt, but it felt good. When I touched myself I felt incredible, the best I had ever felt till then. Pushing my finger in deeper till my toes curled and my mouth hung open. Following the rhythm till my legs were shaking and I was breathless. Why would I want forgiveness for something like that? I was going to do it again and again.” She suppressed a chuckle when the doctor looked away from her, taking a sip of water.

She was standing in front of a painting that caught her eye in the exhibition she was at. It was a modern abstract piece with the dominant use of colour for expression. She stood by it and stared at it for a long time, till her champagne flute was empty and her heeled toes begged for a break.

“Do you like the piece?” A voice broke her trance and she shifted her head to meet the eyes on an attractive man smiling at her. She gave him a nod of acknowledgement rather than of affirmation and turned back to the painting.

“It’s intriguing.” Her brown knit together. The man nodded and slipped a hand into his pocket, turning to the painting as well.

“What do you see in it.” He asked as he took a sip of his own drink.

“It’s chaotic, almost grotesque, like the creator isn’t really sure of it, frustrated maybe. It’s still beautiful don’t get me wrong, but it feels hollow. Like a pretty exterior hiding an empty case.” She let her mind speak.

“Like an artist without a muse.” The man added and she smiled, turning to him.

“Yes,” She confirmed, satisfied to have the right words. “That’s exactly it.” Her eyes glowed with more intrigue as she picked up another glass from a tray passing by.

“Do you know the painter?” The man asked and she shook her head.

“Haven’t had the pleasure actually. His pieces are hard to come by and he’s even harder.” She laughed and he humoured her with a small chuckle.

“Are you interested in his work?” His eyes glazed over with curiosity.

“Not really, I’m more of a fan of the classics. So as a collector it’s great to observe them, but as a curator I’d be happier if I had the favour of one of the most sought after artists in the business.” She laughed again, after a small silence she added a thought.

“I would love to have this one though.” She pointed her glass to the painting in front of them.

“I thought you said it was hollow.” He questioned.

“Yes, It’s fascinating is it not? Making something so detached seem so satisfying at the same time. It’s a pity that his is the only art here not on sale.” She sighed. The man nodded at her words, sympathising.

“Who is your favourite artist?” He asked as they moved away from the painting together, now without distraction she looked at her unexpected companion with more scrutiny noticing his attractive face a little better.

“Van Gogh.” She said without hesitation, her lip curling into a smile when she saw the skepticism in his eyes.

“I always feel like his art is gravely misunderstood.” She smiled wistfully.

“There are only so many ways you can interpret tulips and a rather narcissistic self portrait.” His voice was heavy with sarcasm.

“You’d be surprised, people usually see the beauty, the use of colour and light and just drop the thought. People find beauty very two-dimensional, surely a painting that is beautiful is just that.” She explained, noting how he only partially listened.

“And you disagree?” He smiled, his eyes lit with curiosity as she tried making her point.

“Strongly, if you look at his paintings right, not necessarily intensely. You’ll see this almost subtle disturbance in them, like in the corner of your eye, just out of the line of your sight, something that juxtaposes the tranquility of the scene in front of you, hiding in plain sight. It always makes me so profoundly sad, like his own mind was slowly preparing the wage war against him.” She noticed how he had leaned in closer, clearly she had managed to catch his attention.

“In a way it’s a lot like the painting we just saw and I would love to ask the artist what he thought of when he painted it.” His head perked up at her words, lips tugging at the sides.

“Why so?” He ran his finger over the rim of his glass.

“I feel like if I can be right about this, I wouldn’t be far from my assumptions about the most tragic artist to have lived.” They way his lips curled fully drew all her attention.

They stood by and talked for a good half of the evening while she focused on the way his voice sounded and how his eyes were almost too inviting in the way they were intense and how they held your attention made her mind wander as she slowly lost focus on his words and just focused on the way his soft lips moved. The sound of a phone ringing entered her thoughts but the way his lips contorted into a frown really drew her out of her reveries.

“What?” His face twisted into an annoyed sneer that smoothed out into a gathered forehead of concentration. She bit her lip and looked away, conditioning reminding her of the place and the lack of appropriateness.

“I’m sorry but I have to go.” His voice was compensating for the apology not present in his eyes, “Something came up. But it has been an honour to be of your acquaintance this evening.” She smiled, adept enough to hide her annoyance and disappointment.

“It was a pleasure.” She said curtly.

“The pleasure was all mine.” He smiled one last before making his way out of the small crowd. Once alone, she felt comfortable huffing in annoyance. Not too pleased at basically wasting the evening over a conquest that was now pointless.

Finding another guy was easy but it wasn’t half as fun. She felt her mind wandering naturally to the man from the evening, the curve of his lips, the unrestrained persuasion in his gaze, his smoky voice. She pushed the man currently devouring her breasts rather painfully.

“Is something wrong?” The guy muttered and she looked down at him, considering the situation before sighing.

“I wouldn’t mind if you hurried up, I have to wake up early tomorrow.” She commanded and he nodded diligently. She sighed, trying to melt into his touch, to enjoy it. But her mind seemed to be too absorbed with other thoughts to let herself enjoy her usual distraction. She bit down on her lip and let herself imagine a different face hovering over her and thrusting in with erratic thrusts, his hollow eyes, his fingers digging into her waist as he urged her to go higher, her toes curling till she had no breath left in her lungs. When she finally came she was slightly glad she never learned the stranger’s name.

Second movement: Slow

“Is this the first time you have experienced something like this?” The doctor asked with his usual calm voice. She picked on her nails, chipping the blood red lacquer from the edges and making a mental note to get a manicure.

“I think so. I never really fantasise about a man like this. Much less have it happen when I am with someone else.” She looked up from her nails with a bored expression.

“So what do you usually think about when you pleasure yourself? You must fantasise about someone then.” He inquired matter of factly.

“I think about sex doctor. Not a person, I don’t care who the person is as long as they have a dick they know how to use.” She offered a shrug, her lips curling to the side when the doctor nodded, looking away.

“Do you feel guilty?” His question let her fill her eyes with confusion, “The fact that you were picturing another man while with someone, does it make you feel like you’re doing something wrong?” She smiled slightly at his question.

“Of course not. It’s just intriguing.”

She woke up late one morning to the sound of the doorbell, wrapping a robe around her frame to go answer it. She opened to door to find a man standing outside with a polite smile.

“There’s a package for you miss.” He informed, she squinted not remembering ordering anything. He handed her a vase full of sunflowers which she gave all her attention to till the guy coughed and she looked up and noticed two men standing behind him with a big flat object in their hands. She moved out of the way, not wanting to let them hold the heavy object longer than necessary. Placing the vase on a table and pulling out a card placed amongst it.

I hope you are as right about Van Gogh as you were about my painting.

She stared at the note quizzically and looked up as the men placed the piece against a wall and offered to unwrap it. When she nodded they slowly took the delicate paper covering it off to reveal the painting she was admiring from the other day.

“Thank you so much.” She told the people politely as they left.

“Woah, that’s amazing.” A sleepy voice breathed in from behind her.

“The door is that way.” She informed him without looking away from the painting.

She received the same invitation she did once every three months, a velvety envelope with an unusual invitation inside it. It had been a while but she found herself making note to buy a dress.

Her head rested on the couch as he drew in a shaky breath from her parted lips, all around she heard sounds of people immersed in various degrees of pleasure but she was trying to focus on her own. Her fingers gripped on the guy’s hair tighter and he groaned against her heat, a smirk played at her lips at the reaction. He pushed his finger into her and she screwed her eyes shut once again. After a while she shot her head back up and looked down at the guy, realising she didn’t remember how he looked. He looked up at her and winked, pushed her dress higher up her thighs and looked into her eyes. She smirked and looked away, her expression changing when she caught a familiar face across the room, sitting alone amongst a crowd of people indulging in as many companions as they could see, staring right at her. His lips drew into a smile that, coupled with his shining eyes made her stomach turn.

“Faster.” She commanded and the guy obeyed. She stared the face across the room who tilted the glass in his hand towards her like they were old friends. She kept her gaze fixated on him till her eyes rolled into the back of her head with her release rushing over her in waves, she bit her lip and let her head fall back as she cursed softly at how good it felt after a while. The guy got up and wiped his chin with a grin.

“My name, by the way-”

“I don’t care.” She responded, he got the message and walked away. She looked back across the room to find her vision void of the same face she saw mere moments before, she considered if she was actually losing her mind.

“Fancy seeing you here.” A smooth voice spoke and she drew in a deep breathe in from parted lips. She turned to him and smiled socially.

“The host is a dear friend” She crossed her legs and faced him. He allowed a small chuckle and sat down, offering her one of the two champagne flutes in his hands.

“So you must be a regular?” He asked like it was a simple social event.

“I’ve been to a few, but they get boring quite fast.” He laughed rather loudly at her casual words.

“I never thought I’d hear someone call an orgy boring.” He still laughed as he spoke and she smiled.

“It’s usually the same people, and the same development. You’re new I assume, so it must all seem fascinating to you, but it’ll lose it’s appeal.” She informed him, a smirk plastered on his face. She looked around the large room with people hiding behind flimsy curtains, the noises somewhat muffled by the classical music coming from speakers placed everywhere, allowing a false sense of security.

“Not really, orgies aren’t my thing.” He admitted and she turned back to him, raising her brow till he added to the thought.

“I don’t like sharing.”

“Is that why you don’t sell your paintings?” She questioned and he gave her a shy grin, nodding.

“Maybe, I haven’t really thought about it. I feel like I can only be satisfied if I know someone can really appreciate what I’ve created so I only sell to people who go through the trouble to find the painting they want.” He explained and she nodded.

“All that trouble and then they pay a small fortune because no one finds your paintings.” He nodded at her words, “And yet you just give me one? Should I be flattered or worried?” He laughed.

“Both really, I wanted you to have the painting. But that’s because you gave me the one thing I was desperately searching for. I had to return the favour.” His finger traced over the rim of the glass in his hand and his eyes searched over her features.

“But I have an issue.” He frowned slightly at the words, “You managed to find my address and I don’t even know your name.” Her tongue peeked out to moisten her lips when she noticed his eyes on them. He looked up with mysterious eyes.

“I just asked the gallery if you were a curator there, you weren’t but I found your name and the rest I left to my manager.” He licked his own lip and sneaked another glance at hers before his eyes travelled down her chest, exploring the edges of her low dress.

“That’s a lot of effort to go through to give away something that special.” She focused on keeping her breathing normal as her body reacted to his gaze, her neck flushing, she squeezed her thighs together. Flustered but fascinated by the way her body seemed to react to his simple scrutiny.

“Like I said, you gave me something invaluable.” He looked back at her eyes, his eyes shining with satisfaction from extorting such a response from her. She tightened her jaw when she realised the premeditated nature of his actions. She looked away catching the eye of a girl passing by.

“Could you get me a glass of bourbon from the bar darling.” The girl looked a little surprised at the request but nodded. She turned back to him like she was reminded of his presence, “Would you like something to drink?” He shook his head and she nodded, letting the girl walk away.

“It’s Doyoung.” She looked at him with confusion that turned to amusement when she realised, “My name is Kim Doyoung.” She nodded. They were interrupted by a hand that landed on her shoulder gently, pulling her attention away from him, she turned around and smiled in acknowledgement.

“You’re practically a stranger to us now.” A man laughed and she joined.

“It’s been awhile, how have you been?” She offered courteously.

“I’ve been the same. Can’t say I’m not better now to see you here,” She laughed dissmisively, “Care to join us? Just like the old days.” He pressed his arm around an attractive woman. She smiled.

“Sorry but not tonight, I have other plans.” The man turned to face Doyoung behind her and gave him a clipped smile. Thereafter turning back to her with a sad smile.

“I see, what a pity. See you later then (Y/N), I’ll hold you to the promise.” She nodded and he walked away.

“Tell the wife and kids I say hello.” She nodded and he laughed at her words.

“That’s-” Doyoung spoke from behind her and she smirked, turning back to him.

“The mayor yes, we’re old friends.” She smiled knowingly, noticing the start of indignation in his eyes with victory.

The girl from earlier returned with the drink as promised and she gave her a smile and thanked her.

“Is there anywhere you can go here that has privacy?” He asked casually and she decided to play dumb.

“At an orgy?” He laughed when he realised what she meant.

“There are rooms upstairs, but they aren’t open for just anyone.” She informed and he mirrored the smirk she was trying to bite back.

“Well then I guess it’s a good thing that I know a dear friend of the host.” His words made her laugh, this was too easy.

“That is true, I’ll talk to him.” She nodded getting up and he followed the action, buttoning his jacket.

“You can pretty much pick any women here you choose, a handful of them are prostitutes though so I would strongly advice on protection. You’ll find them with every waiter and at the bar. Enjoy your evening Mr. Kim.” The way his eyes furrowed in confusion pleased her greatly.

“I don’t understand?” He asked, his eyes glassing over with a hint of fury.

“I do have other plans tonight. I promised the host a meaningful visit so I must attend.” His jaw set so hard that she noticed his prominent jaw.

“Let’s go.” She prompted and he nodded still perplexed.

“You have a pretty name by the way.” He said as they walked up a grandiose staircase. She greeted a few more people on the way.

“(Y/N)!” A voice caught both their attention, a tall woman walked up to them, she gave her the same courteous smile and greeted her politely.

“Oh come on, there’s no need for such formalities.” The woman said and pulled her closer and kissed her on the lips, a small touch that turned heated quickly, the women placing a hand on her cheek and deepening the kiss, while her arms stayed on the women’s hips with detached courtesy. The women pulled back and brushed her hair back affectionately.

“This colour looks good on you.” The women maintained the proximity, brushing her hand down the side of her chest. She smiled and thanked her.

“This is Doyoung,” She said after, turning to him. “He’s new.” The women turned to him with kindled interest. He smiled at her easily, taking the arm she extended and kissed her hand.

“Oh what a gentleman.” The women laughed, but (Y/N) turned to him with narrowed eyes as he briefly glanced at her.

“I was just telling him to enjoy himself thoroughly, that is the whole point of course. He’s a little shy.” The women listened intently and looked scanned his frame.

“It would be my pleasure to help him out.” She gave him a flirtatious smirk. His own smirk was indulgent itself.

“Our gracious host was looking for you (Y/N)” The women turned to her and she nodded, “He’s in the other room just wait a second I’ll go call him.” She said and walked away.

“She likes you,” She laughed, “Wants to get rid of me as soon as possible.” He only nodded and she didn’t point out his annoyed expression.

“She’s nice.” She had to hold back the urge to laugh.

“You don’t look impressed.” She pointed out.

“I’m hard to please.” He looked up at her with the same dark gaze as before.

“Me too.” The smirk that lighted up his face at her words made her want to drop her game and fuck him into oblivion. But the women came back with a familiar face.

“Did you make a new friend?” The host asked her, placing an arm around her waist and she laughed, not missing the way Doyoung stared at his arm for a moment too long.

“We’ve actually met before.” She said, placing a comfortable arm on the host’s shoulder. Doyoung raised a brow at her and she only smiled back in response.

“Anyway I was just introducing the both of them. And I wanted to ask if it’s okay for them to borrow a room, Doyoung is shy.” They laughed but he nodded, pointing down the corridor.

“I hope you have fun.” She smirked at Doyoung and he nodded, giving her a dark gaze before walking away.

“Is there a reason you let that incredibly beautiful man slip out of your hands?” The host said as soon he shut the door to his own room. She just smiled knowingly and he sighed.

“It’s unfair, you get an actual god and you give him to the resident cougar.” She sat back on the bed and laughed.

“I wanted to catch up with you.” She mused and he frowned at her.

“Bullshit. I would have dropped on my knees for him if he asked. What is it.” He pried and she smirked.

“He was too sure he was going to get into my panties tonight. I can’t have someone think I’m predictable. The horror.” He huffed in annoyance, sitting down beside her.

“You must really like him if you’re willing to put sex aside.” He earned a smack on the chest for that.”

“I’m just satisfied knowing he’ll have to hold back from saying my name a lot of times tonight.”

Third movement: Minuet

She was busy sorting through some canvases when there was a soft sound of someone clearing their throat, she looked up to see her assistant standing at the entrance.

“What is it?” She asked curiously, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose.

“There’s a delivery for you, you have to come sign for it.” Her assistant looked apologetic for the interruption. She nodded and followed behind her to the reception, where a boy stood with a large crystal bowl in this hands. She walked up to him and he looked up with wide eyes.

“Are you (Y/N)?” He asked, she nodded and he handed her the clipboard on top of the bowl to her, “Sign this ma’am.” He said and she did so.

When he handed her the bowl she stared at it curiously for a while before a smile bloomed on her lips. The bowl was full of small delicate white flowers, she noticed a red card tucked between them and picked it out.

A promise; We have some unfinished business.

Her smile only grew deeper, a foreign excitement growing in her stomach.

“What are those?” Her assistant asked curiously as she walked to her office.

“Almond Blossoms.”

She was away for work for a week, heavily occupied her mind still wandered to the curious man. She was even caught in a pleasant surprise when she found one of his pieces at a prestigious gallery all the way in Paris. Listening to the curator relay his distress over the lengths he went through to acquire it with, all the while with a secretive smile.

“I’m sure it was well worth it.” She comforted him.

“It’s my job to acquire pieces from the relevant artists, but he’s a real asshole about it.” He sighed and she laughed.

“Maybe he just doesn’t like sharing.”

A good month later, she was fresh out of the bath when her doorbell drew her out of her room. Well into the evening, she didn’t know who she was expecting at the door, but Kim Doyoung wasn’t it.

“I didn’t realise we were close enough for unannounced house visits.” She raised a brow but her lips were already drawing into a pleased smile.

“I just thought I’d check on my painting. See if it’s in good hands.” He was leaning against the door frame with the smirk she had grown to associate with him.

“It’s waiting to find a place on the walls.” She answered and he looked up at her with a playful gaze.

“I thought you really wanted the painting.”

“I did, I just can’t decide if it belongs in my bedroom or out in the hall.” She still made no effort to invite him in.

“Maybe I can help.” He offered generously.

“Enlighten me.”

“If you let me see your bedroom I’d tell you it’s the perfect choice.” His tongue swept by his bottom lip.

“How so?” She entertained.

“I like the idea of you thinking about me when you’re in bed.” His voice had the mystical quality of making her chest heave when he said the right words.

“Those almond blossoms must have been hard to find.” She spoke as she walked in and he shut the door behind himself.

“Did you like them?” He asked and she turned back to him and smiled.

“It was very thoughtful, not sure what I have done to deserve such special treatment.” Her voice was teasing, he only shrugged.

“I believe I’ve already answered that question.” He hid his smile this time, following her as she guiding him to her sitting room. She stopped in front of the painting still leaned against the wall carefully.

“Putting it here let’s me show it off to everyone.” She placed a hand on her hip and wondered. She felt his presence closer to her, his warmth radiating off him and comfortably settling on her skin.

“I’d rather it be a our little secret.” He whispered in her ear and she bit down on her lip to suppress a whimper. She cleared her throat and took a step aside before his arm caught her waist. If he was annoyed, he hid it behind his smirk.

“Would you like something to eat? Or drink?” He gave an incredulous laugh and shook his head.

“I’d like to have some tea.” She said before walking away to the kitchen.

“Do you live alone?” He asked, seated at the kitchen counter as he watched her move around.

“Isn’t it evident?” She said with a distracted voice.

“What about your family?” Her hand stilled for a second while dropping the tea leaves into the pot. She didn’t look up at him, continuing with her actions.

“I don’t have one. My parents died when I was thirteen.” Her voice was still impassive, putting the lid on the pot and placing it in front of him, before coming around and sitting down beside him.

“They were caught in a fire in a hotel while they were on vacation.” She said and looked away to pay attention to the brewing tea.

“Oh.” Was all he said. She picked up the pot and poured it in a cup, handing it to him. She poured herself a cup and sighed after she took a gentle sip. He stared at the cup for a second before taking a sip himself.

“I don’t really drink tea.” He admitted after taking a gulp, his eyes shrinking with focus. “But I like the flavour.” He admitted, lips peeking into a slight smile. She nodded, watching his lips, glisten with tea coating the soft skin.

“It’s a elitist hobby. You need a lot of leisure time to brew and enjoy the perfect tea. Only people who can afford to waste time can enjoy it.” She repeated the words her aunt told her once, wiping the frown that was forming on her face.

“But you’ve finished your tea already.” He pointed and she turned to see that he was right.

“I must be impatient today then.”

He left his half empty cup of tea on the counter as she guided him to the bedroom. He unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt, sighing at the freedom. When she entered her room she stopped at the wall that faced her bed, he came and stood behind her. Too close.

“Yes.” She laughed at his words.

“I think you’re rather biased with your opinion Mr. Kim.” She spoke, her eyes fluttering shut as his fingers slid up her spine slowly.

“I’m not known for my impartiality.” His voice was low. His hand came up to her shoulder and the other slid around her waist, this time she didn’t push away. He slowly pulled at the ribbon holding the flimsy robe on her frame. He closed the gap between them with a small step and pulled down the material slightly from her shoulder, exposing her collar.

“What is it that you are known for then?” She breathed out.

“People say I’m rather unusual. I can be very unfair towards things I have no interest in, or people. Evil even.” His index finger traced rhythmic circles around her belly button. Every inch of her skin reacted to his presence, erupting into goosebumps. His warm lips brushed against her collar, her frigid skin inviting the touch eagerly, he brushed his lips over her skin as he inhaled her scent.

“And what about things you have interest in?” She was trying too desperately to keep her voice steady. His lips moved up her neck, her lips parting to draw in a breathe. His tongue peeked out and left a wet trace under her ear.

“Would you like to see?” He asked and she could only nod. She felt his smirk on her skin. He turned her around slowly. She walked back, looking for the wall for support but he stopped her movements, pulling her back to him. A small distance between them that she didn’t fill out of curiosity. His lips were inches apart from hers, his breath crawling down her skin.

“I like to open up the things that intrigue me, find every little part of them, every hidden object, every dirty secret.” He leaned down, catching the delicate flesh of her neck between his teeth. His hold on her waist tightened and she had to put a hand on his shoulder to keep herself standing straight.

“Does it make you feel powerful? A false sense of authority over someone?” Her voice was small but he stopped his actions and looked up at her. She laughed gently.

“I guess you aren’t the only person who likes getting under someone’s skin.” His eyes bloomed with more darkness from her words. His jaw clenched tight. She decided she liked this expression of his the best.

He pulled her to the edge of the bed, turning her around and dropping her on it carelessly. She watched with heavy eyes as he licked his lips at the sight in front of him, pushing his hand through his hair, letting out a groan before his smirk returned.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked as he unbuttoned his cuffs and pushed the sleeves higher up his arm. She laughed indulgently at the unexpected question.

“No. It’s not something I find worth my time.” She spoke to the ceiling, looking back at him to find him watching her closely.

“I’m not warm and fuzzy and I don’t appreciate being emotionally extorted.” She elaborated and he only continued staring at her with a gaze of deliberation. He slowly sat down between her legs, she let out an impatient huff. Her eyes screwed shut when he traced his finger at the edge of her stomach, not close enough to where she wanted it but her body reacted to his touch again.

“Do you think emotions are the only thing a person can exploit?” His voice was curious, when she didn’t answer he bought his finger further down but still refraining.

“It’s the most common,” She let out when she got his unsaid message. “Other forms require more expertise.” She whined. Her words were rewarded with his thumb pressing on her clit, making her gasp loudly.

“What if I were to ask you to have dinner with me tomorrow?” He pushed a slender finger into her and her back arched.

“I’d say your trip here was wasted.” She breathed, her voice as distracted as his actions. He pulled his finger out slowly and pushed it back in again, curling his finger inside making her whimper. He pressed his thumb on her clit again, moving it in slow circles. Her fingers clutched on the sheets under her till her knuckles were white. When she squirmed under his touch too much he placed his other hand on her waist to keep her still. She opened her eyes to see him still watching her, deep in thought as he kept up his slow pace. She bit her lip, getting more frustrated but not letting herself ask him to go faster. She shut her eyes again when he noticed her staring, jumping when she felt his lips where his fingers were a moment ago.

“Do you want me to make you cum with my lips?” He spoke making her shiver but she held back her words.

He licked up her slit and her eyes were moist from how annoyed she felt, he pressed his tongue on her clit and hummed and she groaned loudly.

“Yes. Please make me come with your tongue, fuck.” She blurted out and he wrapped his lips around her clit, sucking and licking with a slightly elevated pace. She finally pushed her hand into his hair, clutching tighter than needed, he didn’t react. His tongue was drawing precise circles and her stomach started to feel the familiar knot she was desperate for by now. He pushed away too soon, pulling her hand out of his hair harshly. Her eyes shot open and she looked up at him with eyes dancing with rage and lust. He smirked at her and shoved two fingers into her, pumping them slowly.

“Do you prefer my fingers or my tongue?” He asked and she answered back immediately, picking up on his game.

“Tongue.” She mewled and he hummed with approval.

“Do you want to come baby?” His voice was impassive, it made her stomach flip with disgusting ease.

“Yes.” Her voice was stressed with a groan.

“Have dinner with me tomorrow.” Tears pooled at the corner of her eyes, she wanted him on top of her, she wanted to dig her nails into his back and ingrave red marks all over his skin. She wanted to have him under her and make him groan and squirm like he was making her right now, she wanted to make him pay.

“Fine.” She spat out, watching him, his impassive gaze filling with victory. Bringing his face back down and moving his tongue into her. She cursed at his frenzied pace, breathing out desperately, her voice a mix of moans, mewls and profane words. She dug her nails into her scalp harshly but he kept up his ministrations, the sounds that filled her room only adding to her growing pleasure.

He bit down on her clit once and she screamed out, coming undone without warning. He kept up his pace till she rode out her high, her back falling back on the mattress as she gasped for breath. The sounds of his shallow breath mixed with hers filled the room, the air hot and uncomfortably heavy. He stood up, wiping his chin on the back of his hand.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven.” He said stoically, she only stared at him and he smirked again.

“We’ll continue this after I buy you dinner. I’ll show myself out.” He finished and walked out of the room.

She kept her gaze on the ceiling, hearing the sound of her apartment’s door shutting, too tired to move or think. She looked at her nails, picking at something stuck behind them, noticing blood, the smirk of satisfaction that graced her face was truly involuntary. She sighed deeply once, deciding to just go to sleep like that, not willingly to admit to herself what just happened.

#doyoung #nct #scenarios #smut #fanfiction #kpop #doyoung scenarios #nct scenarios #nct au #au #painter au #angst #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #way v

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hellas-himself · 6 years

Text

Where There Are Shadows Pt.9

Writing this was fun, but also kind of... hard?

Coming out (I am queer AF to begin with) has never been easy for me, even with my loved ones. There’s always that thought that they’ll change. I’m lucky to have amazing people in my life. So a lot of that experience went into this.

-Feyre-

We were both trying to catch our breath, and I laughed, rolling on my side. Rhys put an arm around me, pulling me close to him. “The floor is all wet,” I said. He’d carried me from the tub and to the bed. How he had not slipped and fallen was beyond me.

“I don’t care,” he said softly. He was exhausted. With good reason.

“Hm… I guess I really don’t either.” It was worth it. I closed my eyes, sleep wasn’t far off.

“Feyre… Can I ask you something?”

I nodded, eyes still closed.

“Have you ever… looked at another female and found her to your liking?”

“I’m an artist Rhys, I find beauty in everyone.”

I thought he was going to drift off to sleep, but he rephrased his question.

“Have you ever desired a female?”

I opened my eyes and adjusted myself so that I was looking at him. He looked so sad, confused. And through our bond, I felt an overwhelming fear of rejection. I reached out to brush his hair away from his face.

“Why do you ask?”

“Have you?”

“I don’t know. I guess being with you, I’ve never thought about it.”

He looked away from me. And that was when it hit me, all his teasing, the reason he felt no threat to Lucien’s love for me-

“Rhys, are you attracted to males?”

From the look on his face, the mortification in our bond- I knew the answer. I sat up, gently pulling on his arm so he would sit with me. But he wouldn’t look at me.

“I am,” he said, painfully. As if that would make me question his love for me.

“Rhysand, do you have any idea how honored I am that you would trust me with this?”

He finally looked at me. “I suppose… The fact that your beloved fox has these feelings for you… I just thought that-”

Rhys rubbed the back of his neck. He was nervous, in a way I’d never known him to feel. So I took his hand in mine. How could I love him, want him any less?

“I’ve never said yes,” I said quietly, “Because Helion was an absolute no.” That brought out a laugh from him. The thought of sleeping with Lucien’s father… I shook the thought from my mind. “Cassian and Azriel… I would find it very hard to believe you three have never… Well, maybe not after Mor… but before that.”

Rhys chuckled and I saw him blush.

“But, they’ve got enough to deal with, with both my sisters. I wouldn’t want to make it worse.”

“So you would have said yes?” Some of the playfulness returned to his voice, his demeanor. And I smacked his arm. We both laughed.

“Maybe,” I said, my face so hot I imagined I was crimson. I couldn’t even fathom being tangled between the three of them, how it would feel. I would probably die from it. And by the look on Rhys’ face, he knew exactly what I was thinking.

“But that’s not the point.”

Rhys pulled me close to him. “No?”

I shook my head. “Is this what you want Rhys?”

He stilled. I caressed his face, Rhys closing his eyes and sighing.

“Let’s try it,” I said. He looked at me in disbelief. “If this is what you want, I want to- need to- give you the chance to have it.”

His voice was shaken. “But the fox is in love with you. And we don’t know his… preferences.”

“But if he got to know you, the real you… At worst, we walk away from this as friends who probably know far too much about each other.” He chuckled, rolling his eyes at me. “At best, you both can have what you want. And nothing would make me happier.”

Rhys considered me for a moment. “Do you desire him?”

“I…” My mind went straight to that night on the Summer Solstice, when Tamlin had found us together in his room. How it had felt for him to hold me, comfort me. “I don’t know.”

“Are you certain you feel alright with this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I love you, Rhysand. For all that you are.”

He pulled me in his arms and kissed me so fervently that I barely had time to notice the tears that lined his eyes. Because I accepted him, and he had feared I wouldn’t have. And I would give him more than words, I would show him that I did.

Hours later, I stood on the balcony at the House, looking over Velaris. When Rhys had first brought me here, I’d met my family, even if hadn’t known it then. Cas had offered to invite everyone to his home for dinner, to let Rhys and I have the townhouse to ourselves, but I felt this place was perfect for what we meant to do. What we were going to ask.

I was unnecessarily adjusting the plates when I heard them arrive. The sound of Rhys landing, Lucien’s irritated voice followed by my mate’s laughter. I looked at them from where I was standing by the head of the table. Lucien was running his fingers through his fiery hair.

And he was wearing black.

Rhys placed a hand on Lucien’s shoulder, guiding him inside. I had never really seen Lucien dressed in black finery. Only in green, in blue and the occasional grey. It suited him.

Rhys approached me, greeting me with a soft kiss, but still holding a promise for something more. I couldn’t help but blush, couldn’t help but smile. Even when Lucien looked at me, as if he had never really seen me before.

“You look beautiful Feyre,” he said softly. My hair was pinned into a loose knot, allowing for some curls to fall naturally, a hairstyle I wore sometimes to paint. My dress, which Rhys has suggested I wear, was lilac. Though it lacked the jewels and beading that most of my gowns had, it was far from simple. The top, separated from the high waisted skirt, had no sleeves, my tattoos on full display. And the fabric was sheer over the low plunge of my neckline. Then there was the back of the top; that was completely bare.

“Thank you,” I said, forcing myself to move from where I stood. I gave him a hug, and when his arms came around me, I felt the surprise at touching bare skin and he quickly broke our embrace. Rhys was wise enough not to laugh.

I guided Lucien to his chair, and then walked over to where Rhys was waiting for me. I felt Lucien’s eyes on me as I walked towards my mate who pulled out the chair. Who leaned over to place both hands on my shoulders and press a kiss to my cheek. And then he sat across from Lucien.

We poured each other wine, passed around the various trays of food. I hated the quiet, the formality of this. I was wishing that we were in the townhouse, sitting on the floor by the fire. I could easily picture it, the three of us lounging about, maybe with books. Or sweets. Or both. I saw Rhys being an arrogant prick and Lucien meeting that arrogance with sarcasm and wit, while I ignored them both, content. Happy. But if I wanted that, whatever that meant, it wouldn’t come from silence.

I finished what was left of my wine.

“So, Lucien,” I said, feeling utterly nervous and wishing I hadn’t spoken at all. “I wanted to thank you for joining us.”

He set down his fork and knife. “Thank you for inviting me. Both of you.”

“The House is not usually where we like to spend our time,” Rhys said, “But there are matters to discuss that we felt were better spoken in private.”

I gave him a grateful smile before I looked at Lucien.

“I know that I’ve asked a lot from you,” I said to him. “But I don’t want you to think for one moment that your feelings aren’t being considered.”

He looked at me, and that mechanical eye seemed to see right through me.

“The fact of the matter is, Lucien, that you love my mate,” Rhys said. “And that has opened up… an opportunity.”

“What kind of opportunity?”

Rhys looked at me and through our bond, I could feel his hesitation. I reached out and placed my hand over his. It’s alright, I said to him, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

He looked at Lucien, who seemed just as curious, just as anxious to hear whatever it was Rhys was trying to say.

“For some time now, I have entertained the idea of bringing someone else to…,” he paused to look at me and what I saw in his eyes set my blood on fire. “To join us.”

“Join you how, exactly?”

“In bed.”

“A male?” Lucien asked, brow raised.

“Male, female- I’ve no qualms with either, so as long as Feyre is also in agreement.”

Lucien poured more wine into his cup and drank it all as fast as he could.

“So, what you are saying is…,” he paused and ran his fingers through his hair. “What are you asking me?” His question was directed at both of us. I wasn’t sure Rhys was going to speak again. But I knew what he wanted, I could feel it as real as my own desires.

“I’ve asked you to stay with me, Lucien. Here. In Velaris. With us,” I said, motioning between Rhys and myself. “To get to know one another. And maybe… maybe Rhys and I could have what we’ve wanted. And so could you.” There was pride, and sheer gratitude down the bond.

“You’re mated,” Lucien said, his voice like gravel.

“You would have my blessing to court Feyre, if that is what she wants.” Rhys’ words made my heart flutter. “And if you share the same preference as I do, I suppose I would have incredible luck.”

He considered Rhys for a moment. “You hardly tolerate me.”

Rhys shrugged. “You are pretty enough.”

I glared at him until Lucien laughed. Wholehearted, unabashed laughter. I couldn’t remember ever hearing him laugh that way, so freely. It made me smile.

“What do you say, fox?” Rhys asked once Lucien had sobered down.

“Am I to be your mistress, Rhysand?”

I tried really hard not to laugh.

Rhys smirked. “A mistress implies infidelity.”

Lucien’s mouth twitched. He drank a little more wine.

“Is this what you really want, Feyre?” Lucien asked, and I heard it in his voice. He was afraid I was going to reject him, too. How could they think I would push them away?

“I don’t know, Lucien,” I said honestly. I felt my heart ache at the thought of him leaving. “I only know that when you’re gone, it feels like something is missing. And knowing how you feel about me… knowing how Rhys feels… If there is any chance that this could work, I’m willing to try.”

Lucien leaned back against his seat, the expression on his face unreadable. Rhys was staring at nothing, nowhere. The only sound I heard were their racing hearts, and the wind outside.

Lucien’s voice broke the silence. “What do I tell Elain?”

“Elain,” I said, feeling nervous speaking of my sister. “Elain has been forgiven so… easily, and I’m guilty of that. But she if she wants nothing to do with you, why does it matter?”

Rhys looked at me with surprise, but I felt pride through our bond. I knew that Rhys treated Elain far different than he did Nesta, and I knew that I had to stop making excuses for my sister, both of them. If I was bothered that Elain rejected Lucien… I had to acknowledge how terribly Nesta treated Cas. At least Elain was quiet. Nesta was… I sighed. I would deal with that another time.

“Then I accept,” Lucien said softly. “Both of you.”

“Are you certain?” Rhys asked, as if all of this were a dream.

“Only if I have a say on how those tattoos of yours work. If I see one gods damned flower, I’m pushing you over that balcony.”

Rhys burst into laughter.

I looked at my arms, at the tattoos that symbolized my bond with Rhys, my agreement with Bryaxis, and the promise I had made with Rhysand that no one else was privy to.

“I accept,” I said quietly, although both males heard me. I was still looking at my tattoos, and the thought of sharing one with Lucien and Rhys… It made me feel warm, it felt right.

“I accept as well,” Rhys said and that was when I looked away from my tattoos, and up at him. He smiled, holding out his hand to me. As I took his hand, I turned to Lucien and reached out to him.

And then we all felt it, the physical proof of whatever this bond between us was, what it would become. I let go of their hands once the sting of it passed, and slightly lifted up my shirt enough to see the sun and moon together in intricate black lines, reminiscent of the lines on my arms- but no flowers. They sat right below my left breast, on the ribs. By the way Lucien and Rhys pressed a hand to their chests, I knew theirs sat in the same place. I let go of my shirt and smiled.

“I suppose you won’t be pushing me off the balcony,” Rhys said rather smug.

“Maybe not tonight,” Lucien replied which only made Rhys laugh.

“You two are insufferable,” I said and though they both laughed at me, I felt inexplicably happy.

#fucking finally right #where there are shadows #part nine #feyre x rhys x lucien #feyrhycien #fanfic #acofas #rolling in this trash #acotar #acomaf #acowar #sjmaas #where there are shadows pt9

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stonefieldofdreams · 6 years

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andrew/emma

so, since last year I’ve been thinking about how andrew still isn’t over emma after TWO years A LOT and I would like to talk about it a little and see what you guys think of this :)

this is a long post, so click on "keep reading” to see all of it.

1. the break up news came around october 2015

2. they were seen together publicly for the first time since the break up on august 2016 when emma went to london to see andrew on his birthday:

3. on october 2016 in her vogue interview, she talked about andrew, saying “[He is] someone I still love very much.”

4. then on november 2016 his interview with vogue came out and he said “ I’m not currently in a relationship with anyone. There is nothing but love between me and Emma.” this was the first time he talked about her after their break up. adding this quote with the photos of them on august it was clear they were still close and IN CONTACT

5. on the beginning december 2016 during hollywood reporter actor roundtable, the actors were asked “You're on a desert island and can have one actor or actress with you. Who?” and andrew’s answer was “Emma Stone. I love Emma. She's all right. She can come.” NOTE: HE COULD HAVE SAID ANY FREAKING ONE. HE DIDN’T. this is actually when i started to think “uh maybe andrew still has feelings for emma”

6. also on december 2016 at the critics choice awards (both emma and andrew attended), andrew said about emma/la la land/her success "It's lovely to see people that you care about and love doing things that are profound and that are seen deeply and are appreciated, it's a beautiful thing."

7. then also at the critics choice awards of course he was asked about his desert island choice, saying “Who wouldn’t want to be on a desert island with Emma? She is the greatest.”

8. critics choice wasn’t done for stonefield so we got two VERY CUTE videos where -this time- andrew wasn’t talking about emma and stuff but she was the one wanting his attention. theres two moments: one is when emma tries to get andrew to look at her and shows her brother spencer where andrew is and two is when she loses her award and turns to andrew so they could drink to that. I WANTED TO CRY.

9. in one interview for the guardian, he said “ I’m always cheering Emma on, in all ways. I’m one of the millions who is grateful that she exists.”

10. 2017 started with the “awards chatter” podcast and YES YOU GUESSED IT andrew talked about emma, again. when talking about spiderman, he said “ So many beautiful things came out of that. I met someone that remains incredibly important to my life on that -you can fill in the blanks on who that is.” here was when i started to think that he WANTED us to know he still had feelings for emma. like, they were so chill and private when they were together and suddenly he talking about emma every chance he got. and it wasn't like when he was doing interview with emma for tasm. they weren't together anymore.

11. january 6, 2017 we got one picture of them together at the AFI awards. again, they seemed close.

12. the next day we had the golden globes AND EMMA WON. andrews reaction? STANDING OVATION. a super chill reaction from her ex. no biggie. nothing to see here.

13. emma’s reaction when she found out andrew kissed ryan reynolds. she was just standing there but when she hears andrew’s name she’s like WHAT DID YOU SAY

14. also at the golden globes he talked about emma, saying “I dore her and always will.” he was asked about her so i’ll let this one pass, andrew.......

15. january 12, 2017 on his interview with vanity fair, he said “It's been wonderful [doing awards season together] because we care about each other so much, and that's a given, that's kind of this unconditional thing. And there's so much love between us and so much respect. I'll speak for myself: You know, I'm her biggest fan as an artist. I'm constantly inspired by her work. I'm constantly inspired by how she handles and holds herself. So for me, I've—it's been bliss to be able to watch her success and watch her success and watch her bloom into the actress that she is. And it's also been wonderful to have that kind of support for each other. It's nothing but a beautiful thing.” if you watch the video you’ll see in HIS EYES!!! that he still loves her. it’s there. you don’t need to be a close friend to see it. its just so clear to me. he saying that its an “unconditional thing”. good god.

16. after the golden globes they were apparently seen together, which more than ever showed that they were still pretty close. 1+ year after they broke up and they were still being close and andrew was still showing so much love for her, instead of just not talk about her/avoid talk about her, like everyone usually does.

17. as awards season continued, they were both seen together again at the bafta pre-party, hugging and making me want to cry all night listening to sad songs. vanity fair said about that night “We also couldn’t help but notice how Garfield and Stone spent much of the night in rapture of one another. Could the BAFTAs bring everyone’s favorite couple back together?” apparently it could not

18. at the oscar being the most friendly exes ever because that is what normal people do ya know (also pictured: andrews dad)

19. there was A WHOLE LOT OF CUTENESS at the oscar when emma won her award (see THIS and THIS post) + emma looking at andrew from the stage when la la land won for like 2 minutes

20. just when we thought things were cooling down, on november 2017 they were seen together again at the governors awards. e! news said “ As cocktails were served, Garfield chatted with Carey Mulligan by the doorway to the ballroom as Stone walked in. She turned her head and saw him but went straight to her table. During the dinner break, she walked across to the other end of the dining room to Garfield and the two chatted and laughed for almost the dinner entire hour, just the two of them. After the gala, they and their groups walked outside together and chatted on the steps for a while.” note: at this point they were broken up for 2+ years!!!!!!

21. again we had andrew talking about emma when he could 100% not but okay at the sag-aftra interview, saying when talking about spiderman scenes, "I knew that me and Emma were getting along and I knew those scenes were gonna work. She's remarkable as an actor and as a human being. And I knew that was gonna be okay."

22. in an interview with evening standard on december 2017, he said “ It was beautiful to see someone you love being acknowledged like that. I was so pleased for her.” talking about emmas oscar win

23. during “breathe” premiere on december 2017, he was asked about emma. “When asked about Emma's portrayal of the real life Billie Jean King and if there was any friendly competition between the two, especially since both their films are out right now and are based on true events, Andrew laughed."I haven't [seen it] but I'm very excited to," he told E! News. "I'm nothing but supportive and her biggest fan.’” i think the reason people ask andrew about emma still is because he just CANT shut up about her??? we don’t see people asking emma about andrew.

24. and here we are 5 days into 2018 and already have yet another interview where andrew talks about emma. “Yeah, there was one amazing New Year where I was in Hawaii with my mother and a very close person in my life and all of my other family had gone to sleep, and we stood on the coastline where the ocean meets the sand, and it was just us, the three of us, and it was the most intimate New Year’s moment. It was very, very beautiful with two people that I love very much, and under the magic of Hawaii, as well. So I’ve had very nice, beautiful, calm New Year’s, but any wild New Year’s is not worth telling. It always ends up as kind of a shit story actually.” he doesn’t say her name but he doesn’t really have to. I CRIED.

25. this one is going to be me saying what i think, so it may or may not be what andrew meant. keep that in mind. during the same interview for w magazine where he talked about NYE, he also talked about his favorite toy, saying his favorite toy wasn’t even his (it belonged to his brother). you can watch it HERE.

you may be thinking what andrews favorite toy has to do with emma, right? well, after telling that, he says “That is kind of a good indication of what's happening with the rest of my life.” and YES i do think he IS talking about emma and her boyfriend here. something that he loves but isn’t his.

to me, he clearly still loves emma. which, at this point, is kind of sad, because she moved on with her life but he still is in pain. and i want him to be happy.

that is crazy to me, but also totally believable because andrew always made so clear how much he loved emma (when he was with her and even more so after they broke up). so thats my take on all of this.

what do you guys think?

#emma stone #andrew garfield #stonefield #emma x andrew

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xmagicxpenguinx · 6 years

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Phil’s Birthday 2010

I wrote a fic to celebrate Phil’s birthday! I wanted to do fetus Phan because that is literally my favourite thing ever. If you like it, let me know and I might publish more. I do know that during the time period where Dan was at Phil’s in this fic, he was actually in India, but I moved the dates so it flowed better. Also look forward to a Valentine’s Day fluff if you know, you want to read that. .

WORD COUNT: 2073

“I’m sorry I can’t be there with you on your birthday, Phil. I didn’t even want to come to India with my family; they made me come with them.” Phil gave him a small smile. “It’s ok Dan. Don’t worry about it. And it’s not my birthday yet, it’s only 11:40. And I honestly don’t think you would like the north of England, its really cold here. I hope it snows. That would be the best birthday present ever!” Dan watched as his boyfriend, (who he still couldn’t believe was his boyfriend) hug the Totoro that he had given him last Christmas, and babble excitedly about the North of England. “Are you forgetting the time I stayed at your house last October? Or the week we spent together later on? I have been up to the north before Phil.” He said with a small laugh. “Oh yeah! I forgot about that.” “If it was so forgettable, I should come and visit again, and make it memorable for you.” Dan replied, smirking. Phil blushed. “Shut up.” He said in the fondest, softest voice possible, his cheeks slightly pink. His hair was messy and his blue eyes shone brightly, contrasting with his pink cheeks through his new glasses. Dan couldn’t believe that this boy was all his. “You know you love it.” Phil blushed harder and smiled. “Yeah, I do.”

Dan loved everything about Phil. His northern accent, the way he looked in glasses, his gorgeous body in jeans and a tight t shirt. Everything about Phil was incredible and he couldn’t get enough.

They were both quiet for a minute. “Speaking of which, my parents are pressuring me into choosing a university and a course to study.” Dan sighed. “Our deal was I could take a gap year but only if I go to uni. And I have to apply pretty soon, but I don’t know what I want to study.” “Do you know which university you want to go to?” Phil asked. Dan nodded. “Kind of. I have been thinking about Manchester.” Phil was quiet, thinking about what Dan had said. “You’re not just saying that because I live near Manchester, are you? Because I would rather you go and study in New Zealand if you really wanted, instead of choosing Manchester over New Zealand because it is closer to me.” Dan shook his head. “No, well that’s part of the reason. Also, I would love to go to New Zealand! No offence but if I could go and study in New Zealand I would go straight away. I was thinking Manchester because there are a few courses there that I would like to do.” Phil nodded. “Which courses are they?” “I wanted to do either something artistic and interesting, but I can’t even draw a stick figure, so I am thinking maybe law.” “Is law something you want to do.” “Yeah. I think so.” Dan half smiled. “Then do the law course.” Dan smiled. “Thanks Phil.”

They talked for 15 more minutes before Phil said “It’s 11:58.” Dan looked at the little clock in the corner of his screen. “Umm, its 5:28 am here.” “Dan! Did you stay up 4 hours after your typical bedtime just to tell me happy birthday at midnight? You are on holiday! You should be relaxing, part of relaxing involves sleeping in longer than usual.” Dan blushed. “1 more minute to go.” “Dan, stop avoiding me. You texted me earlier on saying that you were going on an elephant ride tomorrow and having a tour of the Tahj Mahal. I don’t want you to fall off the freaking elephant because you stayed up until 5:30 in the morning just to say-” “HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHIL!!” he said excitedly. Phil couldn’t help but smile at his boyfriend, who he missed so badly. They had seen each other on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, then Dan went home, and Phil came to stay with Dan 2 weeks later. It was killing him having Dan 7,600 kilometres away from him, in a whole other continent. He missed him like crazy. “THANK YOU DAN!!” he said just as excitedly as Dan had. They both giggled. “I miss you, Dan.” He said, a sad smile playing on his lips. “I miss you too.” Dan said. “But I will be seeing you in 3 days at the Manchester Airport, surprise! As part of your present from me, your mum said I can stay for a week.” Phil was smiling the biggest smile Dan had seen. “I can’t wait! I am so excited! I’m going to go to sleep now, and so should you, I don’t want an elephant to kill my gorgeous boyfriend before I get to see him again.” Dan turned pink at his words. “Goodnight Phil.” “Goodnight Dan.” They blew each other a kiss and pretended to catch it and pocket it before ending the skype call.

Dan pulled off his shirt, put his laptop away and lay down and pulled the blanket onto his naked torso. He thought of seeing Phil again and smiled, shut his eyes and fell into a deep, content sleep.

Phil changed into pajama bottoms, flicked the light off, removed his glasses and lay down in his bed, thoughts of Dan spending another week with him filling his pretty little head. He fell into an easy, peaceful sleep.

He was lying on the blue and green duvet in Phil’s bedroom, Phil lying next to him, giggling as Dan told him a story about the strange people he had seen on holiday. “It was a good trip though. Shame you weren’t there. You would have loved the elephants.” Phil propped himself up on his elbow, his ocean blue eyes meeting Dan’s coffee and oak eyes. Phil leaned down and connected their lips together. “I missed you so much.” He said, never taking his eyes away from Dan’s. Dan blushed. “It was only 2 weeks. And I’m not that great.” “Yes you are, Dan.” Dan blushed harder. They sat up properly and kissed lazily but meaningfully, with passion and love in every touch.

“Hey Phil?” Dan asked, with his head resting in Phil’s lap, stroking his soft brown hair that he straightened more than necessary. The emo hair was kind of dying in popularity, but he and Dan still clung to it, as if it was an alternative tether to reality. It suited them both though, and Dan hated his curly hair more than anything.

“Hmm?” he mumbled back, his eyes fixed on the episode of Angel. When he was 13, and he started watching Buffy in 2000, he realised that he liked boys. But Sarah Michelle Geller was the reason he also liked girls. He remembered the time where he sat on the same couch 10 years ago, being so confused about his sexuality. He half smiled at the memory, being so young and naïve. He had a good childhood and upbringing.

“When do you want your present?” Dan asked. “You being here is already my favourite present.” He said truthfully. Dan grinned. “Well I got you another present. And it involves me. So you will like it. Probably.” Phil smiled at Dan. “Can I have it later on?” Dan sat up so he could kiss Phil. The butterflies in Dan’s tummy flew around madly. Even after four months, he still got butterflies when he kissed Phil. His mind would go blank, his skin tingling from the contact. And then after the kiss, he would feel a hunger, a yearning for more. The more they touched the more Dan wanted. Phil was like a drug. And that was the only way he could explain it.

After having dinner with Phil’s family, they went upstairs to Phil’s room. Phil flopped down on his bed, while Dan lay down on the floor, staring at the excessive amounts of pictures and posters on Phil’s ceiling. He felt his phone buzz next to him. He picked it up and saw that it was from his mum. He ignored it and put his phone in his bag. He felt his fingers brush against his present for Phil. He looked over to see Phil on his laptop. He picked up the envelope and sat down next to Phil. He closed the lid of his laptop and put it on his side table, giving Dan his full attention. Dan rolled on top of Phil and kissed him softly, the familiar warm feeling making an appearance in his chest.

“Happy birthday.” He said, giving Phil the envelope. Phil smiled and sat up, keeping his legs intertwined with Dan’s. He ripped open the envelope. Inside was a card. On the front of the card was a picture they had taken last October when they met. On the inside, covering both sides of the card was writing, written in Dan’s messy, left-handed scrawl. Phil began to read.

“Dear Phil,

Happy 23rd birthday! Umm I never know what to write in birthday cards, so I will try to keep this as simple and not ramble-y as possible.

To keep it simple, I love you. You might think that is ridiculous, because we have only been together for 3 months and 14 days by the time you read this, but I love you. And to put it simply, I don’t know the exact reason why.

I love you for your heart, how you can be so sweet to other people. I love you because you are so caring. Even when I feel like shit, you care about me when I don’t care about myself. You are smart. I mean, fuck, you have a Masters Degree. I love you because you are so intelligent. You are creative, and attractive. Like seriously, you look like a god, and don’t try to tell me otherwise. It won’t work. You are gorgeous. And you are my best friend.

I didn’t have a best friend until we started talking, and even with the distance between us, I honestly believe it makes us closer.

I don’t want to rush this relationship at all, out of fear of it ending, because it is probably the thing I treasure most.

Happy Birthday, Phil. I love you. Dan xx

Phil could feel tears in his eyes as he read Dan’s words. “I love you too, Dan.” He said, wrapping his arms around Dan’s smaller body, connecting their lips for a deep kiss. When they broke apart, Dan gave him another present. “I got a job to save enough for this.” He said as Phil opened it. “Did you get fired?” Dan rolled his eyes and giggled. “No, I quit the second I had enough.” He pulled out two small strips of paper. “You got us tickets to see My Chemical Romance?” Dan nodded excitedly. “I fucking love you.” Phil said. Dan giggled again. “Do you like it?” He asked, already predicting the answer. “Yes, hell yes I do! I get to see Gerard fucking Way in person. Of course I like it! This beats the fucking cordless hammer drill my dad got me.” Dan hugged Phil and kissed him. “You should swear more, it’s really attractive.” Phil blushed.

They stayed up talking in the dark, about everything from the past to the future together. “Can you see us together in 8 years?” Dan mumbled tiredly. “Why 8?” Phil asked, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist and rolling over to face him. “I don’t know, what about 10 then?” Phil smiled. “I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you, Dan.”

“Goodnight Dan.” He said. Dan kissed him on the forehead. “Goodnight Phil.” “We are so sappy.” Phil observed. “You love it.” Dan replied sleepily. Phil tangled his legs with Dan’s and wrapped his arms around his chest. He was tired, but not as tired as Dan. He loved sleeping with Dan. It made him feel at ease and calm, and he always slept better with him. It took Dan a few minutes to fall asleep, his heart beating softly. Phil kissed Dan’s cheek. “I can see us getting married in 10 years. But I don’t want to rush us, and you are only 18, I am 23 and I don’t want to give you ideas. Which is why I am telling you while you are asleep. I love you.” He mumbled in a sleepy daze to Dan, before drifting into an easy sleep.

#phan fluff #happy birthday phil #2010 phan #fetus phan #phanfiction #fanfic #amazingphil #daniel howell #dan and phil #dnp #phan #phil lester #dan howell #Evie writes

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