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wishingicouldfly · 3 years

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I've been actively blogging for more than six months, even though I've had a tumblr account for ten years. I started reading One Direction (specifically Larry) fanfiction about the same time.

Originally, I read exclusively canon compliant fiction--I was hungry for industry insider, what-could-have-happened narratives. But I've slowly branched out into other genres. I find fanfic--good fanfic--super calming. When I've had too much stunting, too much noise, I grab a fanfic and immerse myself. So I thought it was time to do a post about my favorites. Keep in mind, I'm terrible at cataloging, and I have over 150 bookmarks on my A03 Account, so this is by no means an exhaustive list.

I'm not including the classics like Tired, Tired Sea and Escapade. While I do love both of those (so well written), because a lot of people know about those already.

My all time favorites are by @helloamhere

1. The Multipicity of Powers - https://archiveofourown.org/works/28580229

Maybe in another universe he isn’t different. Maybe he hadn’t been given an impossible choice. Maybe he wouldn’t have lost everything and broken everything and then fallen impossibly, irrevocably in love with the first next thing that was kind. Maybe in that universe he doesn’t feel like he’s never breathing, always pretending, teaching the kids even though they all have to learn alone, trying hard not to read the headlines, and so afraid, every day, that he won’t be a good enough teammate to the superhero he can’t live without. He knows that love isn’t supposed to feel this way, slid secret under your skin like a surgical razor, an invisible war held close over the tender vein that keeps you alive. On the other hand, Louis wonders, had he ever known how to do it any other way?

Maybe there’s a universe where he doesn’t have to keep all his secrets on the inside.

But this isn’t that universe.

//an X-Men AU.

Me: I never thought I'd love a super hero 1D cross over, but this is so well done. The backstory, the pacing, the characterization, the friendship. Read it.

2. Saving Symphony Hall and it's prequel Night Out - https://archiveofourown.org/works/12633921

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

Me: The best sex scene I've ever read is in the prequel Night Out. Sexy, but tender. I love the characterizations in this duo--ABO but not traditional. Doesn't feel out of character.

3. Just Let Me -https://archiveofourown.org/works/11695350

The party was going well. So well, Niall had already sworn undying love to one multi-tiered chocolate cake, two friendly corgi-poodle mixes, Zayn’s hair, and the entire population of Los Angeles. So well, Zayn had only laughed and ruffled Niall’s hair and not even twitched towards a cigarette. So well, nearly everyone had spilled far past the boundaries of the night’s original plans, extracting bottles of vodka from the cabinets and losing a lot of clothes. Harry had proclaimed that he was finally going to throw a small and very grownup dinner party and of course here they were three hours later, fifty people half-naked in the pool. Soon to be full-naked, if Louis had to guess. Everybody in LA loved a heated pool. Everybody loved Harry.

Me: I love love love this. Harry is so gentle, and Louis is so stubborn and needy. It's ABO but subtle. I'll read this one again and again. It's comforting.

@HelloAmHere is one of the best writers I know--amazing stuff. I also love their werewolf story, but it's not finished, so I won't link it here.

Other favorites:

1. Seven Up by cherrystreet - https://archiveofourown.org/works/5828539

Very loosely based on the British TV show "The Up Series" and somewhat inspired by the song “Something I Need” by Onerepublic, we follow the lives of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson in an interview setting every seven years. They fall apart and come together, their lives and emotions recorded. Harry calls it a time capsule. Louis calls it a pain in the arse.

Me: Trigger Warning, major character death. I literally SOBBED through the end of this. It was lovely and devastating. So good. But be warned.

2. Light, Spark and Fire series by @greenfeelings

Life’s pretty ordinary for Harry. He lives with his best friend, got into university just like he’s planned, and manages to support himself just fine for an unbonded omega. If he sustains that lifestyle by getting paid to help alphas through their rut every now and then, that’s nothing to be hung up on. Until he’s hired by an alpha that turns everything upside down.

Or, Louis and Zayn run a music label, Liam is Britain’s up-and-coming pop star, Harry’s working on taking Louis’ walls down until he builds his own up, and Niall holds them all together without realising he does.

Me: A nice healthy three-parter. Characters you just want to live with for a while.

3. Relief Next to Me by dolce_piccante - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117942

AU. What happens when a baker and a graphic designer meet via a very specific Craigslist post? Fate, friendship, food, and maybe more.

Me: This one is super long, so be prepared when you dive in. It's got a lot of lovely bits, and some great smut.

4. 2012 'Verse by ashavahishta - https://archiveofourown.org/series/27601

Me: This is a five-parter and satisfies my love of canon compliant stories. It spans most of 2012 and into 2013, and illustrates the difficulties of Harry and Louis' relationship amid the band success and management disapproval.

5. Love After the End of the World by mercurial-madhouse (writing_practice) - https://archiveofourown.org/works/31251434/chapters/77248901

Society shattered when all electricity suddenly cut off across the globe, plunging the world into darkness. Now, Prometheus Industries is the sole remaining supply of power, a saving grace to those who survived Lights Out. As fugitives in no-man’s land struggling to break into Prometheus HQ, death lurks around every corner for Louis and Zayn. Things get complicated when a routine recon falls apart and Louis collides with Harry and his mates Niall and Liam, survivors with their own agenda.

When staying alive is already a constant battle, the deadliest weakness is to be in love. For Harry and Louis, finding each other sits on top of the endless list of What Else Could Go Wrong.

Me: Really unusual (as far as I can tell) end of the world story. I loved the characterizations of soul mates here at the end of the world.

6. Flightless Bird by audreyhheart - https://archiveofourown.org/works/6401653/chapters/14656807

AU where Louis Tomlinson is a principal dancer with The Royal Ballet. When his rival from ballet school, moody dance prodigy Harry Styles joins the company, old wounds are reopened and old passions reignited. During the company's production of Swan Lake the secret that doomed their love is finally revealed, but will it be too late?

Me: Trigger Warning, sexual assault (by an original character to a major character). This was a little brutal because I hated to see a broken Harry, but it was well written and has a happy ending.

7. Wear It Like A Crown by zarah5 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1816771/chapters/3900322

AU. As part of a team of fixers hired to handle a gay scandal in Buckingham Palace, Louis expects Prince Harry to be a lot of things—most notably a royally spoilt brat. Never mind that the very same Prince Harry used to star in quite a number of Louis' teenage fantasies.

Me: I loved Louis in this one--actually they are both pretty great. Scratch that, they are ALL pretty great.

8. Shake Me Down by AGreatPerhaps12 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/3331958/chapters/7285322

Harry's new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.

Me: I don't like the self-hate here, but it was necessary for the story and H comes around. Found family vibe.

9. Gods & Monsters by Velvetoscar - https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090982/chapters/4550871

The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that's exactly what he did.

Me: I loved Harry in this one. Louis gets there. I don't like Liam, but I don't think you're supposed to. Zayn is great.

10. Own the Scars by crinkle-eyed-boo (KimmieRocks) - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1010796

Louis has never felt like he was good enough: for his stepdad, for his life-long best friend, for the life he's supposed to want. After an accident that nearly costs him his life, Louis' parents send him to rehab where he��s forced to face his demons. On the long and difficult road to recovery, Louis must confront the truths he’s been avoiding about his future, his relationships, and his sense of self-worth. Because before he can love anyone else, he’s got to learn how to love himself first.

Me: Harry is lovely in this one. Trigger warning, substance abuse and near death.

11. Wild Love by purpledaisy - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1030904

AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

Me: I loved this way more than I thought I would. It's lovely and messy and I love it.

12. Victorian Boy by audreyhheart - https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosann1986/readings?page=6

Victorian AU. Harry the virgin Duke of Somerset knows little of love, while Louis the sly Duke of Warwick knows too much. When the two dukes come together for the Bilsdale fox hunt in York, Harry finds himself drawn into Louis' bed. But when secrets from Louis' dark past come to light, Harry fears that the fox isn't the only one being hunted.

Me: Historical fiction I didn't intend to love. I LOVE Harry in this one. LOTS of smut, so be warned.

13. Keep Me Closer by zanni_scaramouche - https://archiveofourown.org/works/30752633

Louis expects Harry to react poorly, maybe even file a formal complaint and that’s gonna suck ass but Louis won’t say shit cause he knows he deserves it, so he prepares an apology before Harry’s even turned around.

What he doesn’t expect is Harry to fucking drop.

Me: lovely, protective Louis just trying to do the right thing.

14. Turning Page by purpledaisy for SockstheDog

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826345

AU: Harry Styles tries to get lost in a place he’s never been. Louis Tomlinson has been perfecting the art of being lost for years. What they don’t expect to find is each other.

Me: sweet love story. Niall owns a bar, and is pretty great.

15. Freedom Always Comes With a Price by Cyantific - https://archiveofourown.org/works/30278514/chapters/74624262

A shared dream brings them together onto the X-factor stage, but one decision changes Harry and Louis’ lives overnight. Thrust into a world of instant stardom, they're forced to live a lie to sustain their dreams, but years of living in the shadows and under strict management takes its toll.

With the bands impending hiatus, there’s no better time for change, so they think.

Desperate for a solution, they turn to an unlikely source with a radical plan. An unfortunate accident sets everything in motion, but not how they intended, leaving Louis’ memories altered, Harry broken-hearted and full of regret.

Can Harry figure out a way to fix everything? Will he even want to once he sees how Louis moved on after the hiatus? Will Louis ever find out the truth of their past and can he forgive Harry after all this time?

In the end, two friends find out that memories are elusive, trust is everything and love is the only antidote.

Me: Heartbreaking when they lose each other, but really good in the end.

16. Little Technicolor Things by scary_crow - https://archiveofourown.org/works/6025519/chapters/13821628

Louis is a poor writer and recent university graduate, depressed, anxious, and living in London when he meets Harry, an artist with a secret who likes to paint sunrises and pretty boys from California.

17. Hold You Now by solvetheminourdreams - https://archiveofourown.org/works/30253536/chapters/74556744

Three years ago, Harry Styles said goodbye to communications consultancy firm McQuiston Worldwide, leaving a life of travel and agency PR behind. When he accompanies his best friend to a family wedding across the Atlantic, he'll be forced to reopen old wounds and face his past—one that no one wants to hash out, but may just have to.

Me: Niall is great. They almost miss each other in this one, and you just want to bash them over the head. But they figure it out.

18. At Risk, I Fold by clare328 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/26542480

2015 is a stream of hotel rooms and whisky on the rocks, tired glances and touching hands under tables. It’s the bears and the bees under a rainbow sky, and Harry and Louis have to figure out how to grow up together, instead of apart.

Me: A canon compliant fic that feels like it could have really happened. Set in 2015. Lovely first chapter and scene where Harry writes If I Could Fly--i could read that chapter over and over.

19. Into The Blue by zarah5 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035822/chapters/2065499

AU. In which Louis is Harry's scuba instructor and quite happy to provide the requested special treatment, pun fully intended. It can't be all that difficult to convince Harry that they're on the same page, right? Also, Niall and Liam may or may not be dating, and Zayn is surrounded by emotionally stunted idiots. He bears it with dignity.

Me: AKA the Scuba fic.

20. Tie Your Heart by ArcadianMaggie - https://archiveofourown.org/works/546688/chapters/973236

Harry grows wings.

Me: How can you not love a fic where Harry grows wings? Trigger warning: injury of a major character.

21. I think I'll end this here. My last and probably first favorite (read it more than once) is...

my heart is breathing for this moment in time by usedtothebeach - https://archiveofourown.org/works/934996/chapters/1820282

When Louis first saw Harry at the 2010 X Factor Auditions, he thought he was watching a peculiarly special stranger. But Harry has known Louis ever since he was five years old.

Because Louis has a rare genetic disorder that causes him to Time Travel to important moments in his past and in his future - and to Harry, always to Harry. When they're put into a band together, it seems like everything Harry has been waiting and wishing for has finally come true. Except for the small fact that Louis doesn't know that Harry is in love with him- that Harry's always been in love with him. Fate, it would seem, is just getting started.

A story about growing up and growing together, and the impossible love that makes it all worthwhile.

Me: I LOVED the Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, and I'm a huge fan of time travel, so this is right up my alley. It's really well done, weaving canon into fantasy and then going years forward in tme. I love everything about it. Great character development. Really good smut. Trigger warning, there's a little underage sex, so be aware. Anyway, LOVE this one so much.

I'll add to this but it's already longer than I meant it to be.

#fanfic #recommendations #fic suggestions #my favorites #Larry fics #I love the love

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twinklelilstarkey · 4 years

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Stopping You - Michael Gray [Part 4]

Words: 5.7k+ (WHY DID I MAKE THIS SO LONG!!!)

Summary: Y/N and Polly have dinner with not so liked presences.

Warnings: Consumption of Alcohol. Smoking. Mentions of Cocaine. Swearing, a lot of swearing.

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

You walk in the Shelby’s betting shop with a hand over your forehead, massaging it in hopes that the pounding would go away with it.

The usual smell of cigarettes hits your lungs and you sigh while closing the front door behind you. Your heels click over the old wood and you drag your aching feet over to the table, where only some members of the Shelby family are sitting.

“Morning” You say when Polly and Arthur look up at you.

The people around the table answer you back and you walk over to Polly, who is already with a cigarette on her lips, slowly letting the smoke leave her system by her mouth. You place a kiss over her cheek and a smile grows in her face.

“How are you, my sweet?” She asks and you smile at her words.

“My head’s pounding, but other than that, ready for business” You whisper only at her and she chuckles, taking the cigarette from between her lips to take a good look at you.

You lean back to stand and walk over to where Finn is sitting, distracted with his new fancy box of cigarettes. You sit down on your usual chair while laying your hand on his neck, scratching his skin lightly with your short nails, grabbing his attention.

“How was your night?” He asks with his usual smirk, looking up at you.

“Boring after you bailed on me because of the blondie” You say with a fake harsh tone and his smirk grows into a smile.

“Is that jealousy, I hear?” He asks and you chuckle, getting Arthur’s and Polly’s attention.

“You would love if it was, wouldn’t you?” You ask, teasingly pushing him away by his shoulder and he laughs out loud.

A toothless smile grows on Polly’s face while watching you two interact and the doors from the other side of the room open, showing the people behind it: Michael and Tommy.

The memories from last night run through your mind and you look away from the younger man to stare at Polly, who looked at him with somewhat adoring eyes.

“Good morning, everyone” Tommy says while taking a cigarette out of his pocket and bringing it to his lips, brushing over them before shoving his hand in his pockets, looking for his lighter. “Michael, take a seat”

Michael does as told, adjusting his long jacket before taking his seat next to his mother, and his eyes lift over to you, making a frown grow on his face right away.

“Wasn’t this meeting family restricted?” He asks and both you and Finn stare up at him.

“Y/N has been involved with family business for over a year, she can be here” Arthur answers, not caring enough to look up at his cousin.

That is enough to make Michael shut his mouth and lean back on his chair, yet he moves his gaze towards you, noticing all the annoyance engraved in it. He, then, stares at his younger cousin and Finn’s expression is slightly more readable than yours, and it just made his presence seem more than hated around the small table.

“We’ll be hosting an event in a few days” Tommy starts, breaking your staring contest before it evolved into anything, “In 12 days to be exact. Y/N, you would be in charge of the whole organization, from the dancers to the inside of my house”

“Dancers?” You ask, lifting your glance over to Tommy.

“Oswald Mosley will be our special guest, as you know very well” He explains, “And he has his attraction for ballet dancers. I’ll give you my contacts for everything that will be necessary”

You nod at his words, already knowing the long list that will be awaiting you, from catering to setting up a team of dancers. You will have a lot to do. A lot more than you wished to.

You lose interest in the whole rest of Tommy’s speech, since you know all about it from previous conversations with him, and also that most of it is for Michael to keep up with where you’re situated, and you look around the table to study everyone’s expressions as they heard all Oswald has done or will do.

Finn is the first one to notice your disinterest in the conversation and tries to ignore it as he tries to memorize most of the information that is being dumped into this room. Michael is next: his eyes follow you as you look at Arthur for a second before looking down at your jacket, starting to play with a button attached to the fabric.

Once Tommy finishes a sentence and starts walking to some corner of the room to begin a new chapter about the day of the event, Michael is totally lost in his thoughts, noticing your now soft features from the lack of attention you’re paying to Tommy’s words.

His mind quickly takes him to where he had been fighting not to be ever since you two talked in the pub. Quite innocent memories of you two.

He studies your face in silence, noticing your slightly parted lips and his eyes drift over to your jaw, noticing a small scar, only visible from the lighting in this one particular room and the angle you’re sitting in.

The scar had come from one of your visits at a family’s home, a mother wasn’t too happy with your visit.

The lady screamed at the top of her lungs for you to leave while saying that her kids were okay, and when you just checking on her younger daughter, she slashed the side of your jaw. It was a quick move that you also flinched away when feeling it, making it smaller than the woman had intended, but it was bloody and surely a cut that would leave a scar.

The woman regrets it severely today, since you are extremely vengeful and experienced with knives.

You look up at Tommy, gaze softer than Michael expected, and you let go of the button from your, not so cheap, jacket.

Polly looks away from her nephew when he starts walking around the table and leans forward on the table to press her used cigarette on the ashtray, gathering both yours and Michael’s attention.

“And that is why we will be making our next move…” Tommy continues, not even noticing that most of the table is not even paying attention to him.

Finn lays his cheek on his fist as his elbow rests on the arm of your chair and you look over at him, taking a look at his messy hair. He must have woken up just a few minutes ago and ran over here, as usual.

Michael’s eyes shift over to Finn and stares at the way you look at the youngest in the room.

(…)

You lean back on your chair as Tommy walks out of the room to grab his ‘book’ with all the people you will need to contact. Finn had run off, to only god knows where, once the meeting was dismissed, so, now, you have to deal with the old people by yourself.

You bring your hands over your temples and start massaging them again, trying to stop the sharp pain before it got worse.

Michael and Polly look over at you for a quick second as they talk all the way back on the doorway of the shop.

“Arthur” You call, making the older man look up from the newspaper laying on the table at the centre, “What do you do to get rid of your headaches?”

“I have my ways”

You lift your head over to him with an annoyed expression.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Anything of mine can be healed by one of two things” he starts, getting Polly’s attention at the doorway, “More alcohol or snow-”

“Y/N is not doing cocaine!” Polly yells, making her voice travel throughout the whole room, making Arthur chuckle and your head pound.

You smile at them, trying not to wince in pain over the loud noise, and stare back at Polly, who is still finishing her conversation with Michael, which looks rather intense.

Tommy’s steps sound from behind you and a stack of papers is set on the table in front of you.

“Your contacts” Tommy says before clearing his throat.

You stare at the amount of phone numbers written down on the pages, all of them with the name of the person you’re intended to talk to and the name of the shop or residence.

“You can talk to Lizzie about most of the things you want to do in my home, but don’t worry too much about it” He says while taking a clean glass cup from the corner table and his bottled whiskey over to his seat.

“Alright” You say in a low voice, grabbing the stack and laying it on your lap to check if you knew some of the places.

“Y/N!” Polly calls over from the doorway, “Come with me!”

You stand up with the papers on your hand and say a quick goodbye to the oldest Shelby brothers, which you were answered with one back.

As you get to Polly and stand beside her by the front door, you notice Michael driving away in his car right as you look out.

“Let’s take care of that headache” Polly says before grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the betting shop with her.

(…)

“I love you, Polly, but it’s a ‘no’ from me” You say while writing down the amount of food the shop, whose owner you just spoke to, could provide.

It has been at least 2 days since that day of the meeting on the betting shop, and you’re still working with all those phone numbers, feeling like you’ll never reach the end of the list.

“Oh, and why is that?” Polly asks, adjusting the silk robe that hugged her body, covered by a thin expensive dress.

You sigh as you scribble your way to the next number on the long list.

“Because,” You start, “I don’t want to be stuck with their presence in a restaurant”

Polly looks at you with a disapproving look, but to no avail since you didn’t even care enough to look up from the papers you’ve been working on the whole day. She walks closer to you and sits down on the couch behind you, since you’re sitting on her carpet.

“Can’t you go, for me?” She asks with a soft tone, “You can ignore them all you want, I won’t care”

You put down your pen and look over your shoulder at her.

“If it was just us, absolutely” You say, “Without a second thought” You add.

Polly takes a deep breath and looks away from you to look at the papers, now filled with words and annotations of amounts of food, flowers and other decorations.

“Is there any way that I can make you go?” She asks, helpless, “Anything I can buy you? Cook or bake for you?”

“You can’t bake, Pol” You say with a smile growing on your face.

“I have my ways” She says, welcoming your smile.

“Are you referring to buying something of the bakery next to the Garrison?” You ask, making her smile drop and her annoyed expression return to her face.

“You used to love that shop”

“And I still do” You say, “But that isn’t enough to make me go through such a horror of a night”

Polly leans back on the couch, feeling like there’s absolutely no way that she will be able to bring you with her, but still not giving up to the fullest. Her mind is still occupied with what would be so good that it would make you want to run towards that restaurant.

Finn, surprisingly, is the first ‘thing’ that came up to mind, but Polly can’t just take the youngest boy, who seems to enjoy Michael’s company as much as you, to an expensive restaurant. Finn would break something expensive or hit Michael in only the first 5 minutes, and probably even at the same time.

She takes a look at you and how you were so quick to go back to work. You drag your tired eyes over the words to check if you didn’t forget to write something down and you grab the phone to contact the next number.

“What if I talked to Tommy so you could have a day off?” Polly asks before you could start dialling the number.

You stay silent, actually considering the offer. A day off is always accepted by you… but is it a fair trade?

“Let me have Friday off and we have a deal” You say.

Polly almost gasps in excitement at your words, while at the same time almost jumps forward to hug you.

She can’t believe that the offer of the having the day off would work, you usually enjoy working, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense.

Finn always has his Friday’s off. How didn’t she think about this sooner?

“I’m going to start getting ready, then” Polly says excitingly with a big smile, while getting up from the couch behind you. “Try to not make us get there so late”

You smile at her words as she walks off to her bedroom and look down at the papers again.

A few more numbers wouldn’t hurt anyone, would they?

(…)

“I can’t believe we’re almost an hour late” Polly shakes her head while you two walk over to the restaurant’s door, “I told you to try to get ready quickly” She continues to scold.

You don’t react to the words much as your eyes look around the street, you were just out of Birmingham, which makes absolutely no sense why there would be a restaurant as busy as this one in the middle of nowhere.

You two step in the restaurant and your eyes almost widen at the inside.

While the outside of this place looks nothing like an expensive restaurant, the interior is just pure luxury.

Polly finishes her conversation with one of the waiters and you two start walking towards the table you were supposed to be sitting an hour ago.

Your eyes land on Michael and Gina, who are both staring at random objects around them.

“I’m so sorry for getting here so late” Polly apologizes while you stand silent behind her.

They are not getting an apology from you. No way in hell.

Their eyes lift over to you two and Gina gives a small (obviously fake) smile to Polly. The waiter puts down two other menus on the table as you move to take your seats.

Polly sits on front of Gina and you almost send her a glare as that meant that you need to sit right in front of Michael. You take off your jacket and lay it over the chair’s back before finally taking your seat.

“What took you so long?” Michael asks his mother, finally opening his mouth.

“Y/N forgot that she had to finish something for work at her office” Polly lies, giving her son a small smile.

She wouldn’t just bluntly say that you’re just a stubborn girl that enjoys seeing him in distress.

“Couldn’t she have finished it tomorrow?” Gina asks, sipping a bit of her wine.

You look up at her and give her your fakest smile.

“She is right here” You answer, making Gina look away from Polly and look at you with a rather shocked expression, “And no, it couldn’t be finished tomorrow”

“What was so urgent about that ‘something’?” Michael asks, making the three women look at him, “I’m sure Tommy wouldn’t care if you gave him anything the next day”

The urge to kick him under the table surges.

“You know how she is, Michael” Polly says with a friendly tone, “Y/N is all about being punctual at all times”

He doesn’t answer as he feels Gina’s gaze of confusion on him. How well does he know you? Was the question that replayed in Gina’s mind.

You lean back on your chair and notice Gina’s expression as if she is more than confused with Polly’s words.

Has Michael actually never said a word about you to her? You wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Michael has shown more and more how he simply runs away from his problems.

Oh, but you would pay well to see Gina’s reaction to everything you two have shared over your time as lovers.

Michael looks forward, noticing your gaze on Gina and he follows it, meeting his girlfriend’s eyes filled with confusion and slight annoyance over feeling ignored.

Polly ignores the exchange of looks between the trio and opens her menu, starting to read the name of each meal and what each one had.

“If you don’t mind me asking” Gina starts with a soft tone, “And I know that this will sound rude, but… What are you doing here?” She asks, directing her gaze towards you in the last words.

You open your mouth to talk but Polly is quick to answer for you, in fear that you would say something rude back.

“Y/N is like a daughter to me” She explains, making Gina seem even more confused about you.

“Is that since she started working for you?”

You can’t help but smile at how oblivious she is to everything, which is quite intriguing.

Poor thing probably doesn’t even know half of the truth.

“For me?” Polly asks, “For the Peaky Blinders, you mean?”

Gina nods.

“I believe you can say that” Polly says, looking towards you as if to check if you agree, but is met with your smile, making her a bit confused.

“Was that how you met Michael?” Gina asks, intrigued by the conversation, looking towards you.

Gina knew the answer. Michael had said a few days ago at dinner that when he had met you, you were too soft to be a Peaky Blinder.

She is just testing how the story connects on your ends.

“God no” Polly answers for you with a scoff.

Michael stares at the two women in front of him as if they were two bombs about to explode. How much of the truth could you spill before even ordering the food?

The answer is: a lot.

“Michael was the one that introduced her to us” Polly says with a smile as she looks over at her son, who did not smile back, only stared in silence.

“Oh really?” Gina asks, surprised, “Didn’t expect that”

Reality clicked on Polly’s mind as those words aligned with everything that has been asked until now. Her son had lied about you. You. The girl she had welcomed in her arms when he broke her. When Michael, her son, broke: You.

Now she understood your amusement to the whole situation, but she did not imitate it to the slightest. This just infuriated her to the maximum level.

“Had Michael never spoke about Y/N to you?” She asks, opening another door into this conversation.

“No” Gina answers sincerely, “Not until we all had that meeting in that pub, if I remember correctly”

At least that’s the only day he gave her actual answers. He didn’t even answer one of her questions on the day that Polly mentioned you at the train station.

“Interesting” She answers while sending a glare towards her son.

“How so?”

You pull the menu off Polly’s hands to check it while still having the malicious smile on your lips, and Michael’s eyes move over to you, noticing your amusement for the first time.

You look back at him when feeling his stare and your smile gets bigger when noticing his expression.

Michael Gray is scared. How fascinating.

“What’s wrong, Michael?” You ask, looking back down at the menu, “You look a little stressed”

Michael hears your words, letting his mind admire the way his name rolled off your tongue as it did years back, until he remembers that he needs to give you an answer.

“Nothing’s wrong”

You nod at his words and Gina ignores your small interaction to look at Polly.

“What is so wrong of Michael not telling me about Y/N, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Yeah, mom. What’s so wrong about that?” Michael asks, finally entering the conversation.

Polly sighs lightly.

“Nothing is wrong about what you did or didn’t do” Polly says, talking directly to her son, “I just find it extremely hard to believe it, as well as, highly surprising”

“Her existence just isn’t important in my conversations with Gina” He shrugs.

“You know very well that I’m not talking about her existence” Polly says with a disapproving tone, “Gina deserved to at least know something. Especially when you are coming into this place acting like you didn’t do anything wrong”

Your smile falls off your face and so does your rather amused look, it got replaced by a quite serious and broken one.

You lower your eyes to the words written on the menu and continue to act as if you were reading.

Michael bites his tongue and looks away from his mom, almost as if her words wounded him.

Both of your chests moved up and down rapidly as you let out heavy breaths, trying to get control back of your body and mind.

Your minds match the speed of how memories and thoughts passed through, making the situation worsen.

A man stands beside you, making Gina and Polly look up at him.

“What will you be having tonight?”

(…)

You turn the ring on your finger as Polly talks with the waiter about what kind of deserts they have and try to think about something more entertaining.

Gina listens to their conversation silently, since she’s interested in something sweet, while leaning her head over Michael’s shoulder.

You sigh out loud while letting go of the golden ring and scratch the back of your neck.

“I think I’m going home early” You whisper to Polly after leaning closer to her, making her stop talking to look at you.

“Are you okay?” She asks sweetly, with a concerned expression.

“Of course,” You offer a quick smile, “I’m just exhausted, and I need to work tomorrow morning”

You don’t care enough to look at the couple in front of you while getting up from your chair. You throw your long jacket over your shoulders and slide your arms into the sleeves.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” You whisper to Polly, who answers you with a tight smile.

You ignore the couple’s stare and walk off to the front door of the restaurant.

As you wish a goodnight to the workers at the front of the building, Polly sighs when realizing that you must be planning on walking home.

“Fuck” She whispers to herself.

“What?” Michael asks, noticing her concern.

“Y/N is walking home” She says while fighting her urge to roll her eyes in annoyance at herself for forgetting, “You two finish your meal, I’ll go take her home”

As Polly apologizes to the waiter and moves her chair back to stand but Michael is quicker.

“I’ll take her” He says, standing quickly, almost forgetting that Gina’s head was leaning on his shoulder, “You two eat your desserts”

Polly thanks him but as soon as she finishes the sentence, Michael was already out of the door of the restaurant with his jacket in hand.

He stares into one of the sides of the lonely and dark road and looks for you, but you are nowhere to be seen. He turns to the other side and sees you walking off while lighting a cigarette.

“Y/N!” He shouts while walking in quick pace towards you, “Wait up!”

You turn to see who is the crazy man that’s screaming at you and once you do it, you quickly wish you didn’t when you notice Michael running towards you.

“What are you doing?” You ask with the rudest tone you could pull off.

“My mom told me to take you home”

“Well, tell her that I’m grown enough to walk myself home” You scoff, “Go back inside”

He ignores your words and grabs your wrist, pulling you towards the parking lot. You scowl while looking at the back of his head and you can’t help but swear at him in your mind.

You yank your arm back as you reach the car and Michael unlocks the doors.

(…)

Three quarters into the drive you noticed you started wishing to be walking home for the 40th time. Not only was the silence between you uncomfortable enough to make you want to run away, the lack of communication was just the worst of it all.

You still feel very much affected by the beginning of your dinner, which just adds up to the built-up emotions you are hiding from him.

You wake up from your thoughts as Michael parks his car in front of your house and you are quick to try and jump out of the car right in that second.

“Thank you for not telling Gina anything” Michael says, making stop on your moves to look at him.

“What?”

“You could’ve told everything to Gina at the restaurant, but you didn’t. Thank you”

You stay still for at least one good minute and don’t say anything, until you let out a scoff while looking at him dumbfounded.

“You have some fucking nerve” You laugh while nodding, acknowledging the stupidity in his words. “I didn’t do that for you”

You open the door and jump out of the car before he could say anything.

You slam it, just to give your words a little more character, but you tense up in your steps as you hear his door opening as well.

“Oh really? Then why didn’t you tell her then?” He asks, in a loud tone over the distance already between you, “You could’ve ruined me and my relationship right there and then, but you didn’t. Why didn’t you?”

“Because!” You shout while turning around, “You don’t even deserve that from me! You can live your shit relationship filled with lies all you want, Michael, I don’t give enough of a fuck to destroy that for you”

“Seriously?” He asks, walking over to you, “Then why in the fuck did you act all affected by the sight of us together?”

“Are you serious?” You ask, again, dumbfounded by his words, “I’m not affected by your relationship! I’m affected at the mention of what you did TO ME!” You shout at the top of your lungs your last words.

The words echo through your street and Michael’s breathing heavies.

“All of this is because I left you?”

You scoff and turn to walk to your door, ignoring his steps behind you as your chin starts to shake and your eyes to water.

You’re able to unlock your door and slide in your house, but Michael’s foot stops it from closing on his face.

“We’re not done with our conversation” He says while forcing your door open.

You let go of the door, stripping your jacket as you walk to the living room and you try to get hold of your emotions as the tears try to spill over your cheeks.

“Just leave, Michael” You say with a calmer tone, while throwing the jacket to the side, to the couch’s back.

“You hate me this much because I left you?” He ignores what you preciously said.

“Yes” You say, still not looking at him, “Now, can you leave me alone?”

“No” He says, and you hear your front door finally close, meaning that he’s planning in staying for a little bit more time that you wished.

“Michael, please” You say, finally turning around.

Michael looks up at you and frowns a bit at the sight of your red watery eyes and you biting the inside of your cheek.

“Just leave me alone” You plead, this time, “I don’t care for your relationship, for what you do with your life, or what you wish to do with Gina after leaving Birmingham, just please. Leave my house”

“I’m sorry for what I did” He says, a way softer tone than before.

“You aren’t sorry”

“I am”

“No, you are not!” You scream again, making him flinch slightly, “If you were sorry, that apology would’ve been the first thing you told me when we first saw each other. But no, you just decided to rub in the scar how you moved on and got yourself a girlfriend that COULD BE FUCKING PREGNANT!”

Michael looks down at the floor and a sob leaves your mouth. You lay your hand over your mouth to hide the incoming whimpers and sobs.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you as much as I did” He admits.

“No, you didn’t” You agree, “You just wanted me to end that call and live a happy life, right?”

“Yes, actually”

“Well, sorry to inform you, Michael Gray, but that is not how love works” You say, voice cracking at the end, “And anyone with a least 2 braincells would know that”

He stays silent again, leaning over your couch’s back, eyes on the ground as if he’s thinking on what to say next.

“Just tell me one last thing. Why did you do it?” You ask, harshly wiping the tears off your cheeks.

Michael shakes his head, not knowing what to say to you. His chest aches at the sound of your words heavy with sadness and heartbreak, but he swallows the emotions away.

“I don’t know why I did it,” He admits, “It was stupid of me and I regretted it right away”

You grab something on the table beside you and throw it at him.

“STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME!” You shout as Michael ducks under the flying plate that shattered on the wall behind him.

“I am not lying!” He assures, “I am not fucking lying! It hurt me to do that to you and I wanted to call back and apologize, but-”

“But you’re too big of a coward to do it” You finish, “You don’t have the right to come to me and act like you left that conversation hurt like I did, Michael. You didn’t, and you should admit it to yourself”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t be doing this. But what I’m saying is true”

“Even if it is, Michael” You say, walking over closer to him, “That just shows how much of a coward you are. You regretted it, yet you were too big of a cunt to not call back and admit that you were wrong. Your pride was bigger than the pain you felt for what you did. And you only realize it now, almost 2 years later”

You’re right, more than right, you’re spot on, and Michael’s silence just confirmed it for you.

“You broke me to feel 5 seconds of pride of being a single independent man, to then realize that you’re no man at all” You say, mouth full of hatred and arrogance, “That is what you’re sorry about”

“No, that’s not true” He says, standing back on his feet and walking towards you.

“How come?”

“I am sorry for breaking your heart the way I did” He says, “And I am sorry for realizing it so late. I did not mean to ever do this much damage”

You don’t answer, feeling too tired to do it.

“Y/N, please!” He pleads, “God damn it, I am sorry that I did this to you! Please, at least, give us a change to talk this through and understand each other’s side”

“No”

“Pleas-”

“No, Michael! How can you even ask that?” You ask, frowning at him, “Is this all an act to you? You’re acting like I’m so special to you, yet you talked about me in that dinner as I was a simple girl that you met just before leaving for America”

“I never meant it like that”

“Fuck you, Michael. Fuck you and your ‘I didn’t mean to’’s” You say, “Do yourself a favour and leave before you let anymore shit come out of that mouth”

“Y/N-”

“What, Michael? What do you wish to say next?” You ask, almost screaming again, “Are you-”

“Just let me speak for a second!” He shouts, shutting you up, “Gina is the only person I’ve ever talked about you that way. Ever! I just told her that because I was scared of ruining my relationship with her”

“Then just leave, she isn’t here. She’s waiting for you at the restaurant. If she truly is the person that you care for the most, then leave!”

“I don’t care about her, right now” He says loudly, “I’m trying to show you that I still care for you, Y/N. Please, just let me fix this”

“It’s a little too late for that” You say before turning your back to him and walking towards the kitchen.

“Why?”

You turn back to him.

“Because YOU MOVED ON, MICHAEL!” You add, “That is what is hurting your case! How can you still continue to say that you still care for me and that you went through a lot of pain after that call, when you moved on?”

“I moved on to deal with my pain!”

“Just leave”

“Y/N-”

“Leave! Get out of my house, Michael! You have done enough damage already, don’t make it worse. Please!”

Michael shuts his mouth and nods at your words.

“Okay” He whispers.

He turns around and walks past the broken plate on the ground before opening the front door and slamming it on his way out.

You let out a loud sob and you don’t care enough to cover your mouth this time, letting your knees lose their strength and bring you down to the hard cold ground, as you cried in desperation of what just happened.

As your breathing quickens and your sobs get even more uncontrollable, you crawl your way to the house phone, dialling a very familiar number.

“Hello?” Finn’s groggy voice, probably from sleeping, sounds on your ear.

You sniffle and clear your throat before speaking.

“Can you come over?” You ask, your voice cracking at the small question and the memories it brings you, “I need you, right now”

“I’m on my way”

- - - - - - -

This ending hurt to write, ngl.

Taglist: @ohhersheybars @woodland-mist @onlythechicagoway @soleil-dor @finn-shelbys-bulldog @oh-theres-a-woman @peakyxtommy @ms-reader @beautycinders @lovemissyhoneybee @graceedwards @jadesbabylon @marvelismylifffe @peakascum @shanetoo @hufflemendes @cherrytop02 @http-cherries @burnitup @livingforbarnes

If you wish to be a part of my taglist, DM me or leave a comment on this post.

#michael gray x reader #michael gray #michael gray imagine #michael gray imagines #finn cole #finn cole x reader #peaky #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine

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victoriareyloficlists · 3 years

Text

5 May 2021 Additions to Reylo Fluff

These fics have been added to the Fluff lists located in the following lists:

Fluff Part 1 Titles A-G

Fluff Part 2 Titles H-M

Fluff Part 3 Titles N-S

Fluff Part 4 Titlez T-Z

A merry Reylo Christmas by MeadowHayle (AO3 2018 Rated M Complete, 24 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Ben are roommates and celebrate the most wonderful time of the year together. For Rey it's the first real Christmas with friends and family and she wants to make up for all the things she missed as a child. Ben tries to help as best as possible, giving her a Christmas experience she deserves.) That's mine! by CrystalDen (AO3 2021 Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When their new supervisor came from a different department, it had been a temporary solution to fix the swift exit of their boss. No one really cared that it was, well, a dude. A very tall, quiet dude with big features and a churlish expression. Gathering around the main hub of their floor to make introductions, Rey found herself mildly invested. He’d be around for a week, two. Maybe a month tops. It’s been three, and Rey just wishes he would go the fuck away.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 59 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2021 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: This chapter was born during a video about how pockets on women's clothing shrunk through history. Modern Rey would be outraged to know that womankind used to have pockets big enough to stash a loaf of bread. Imagine all the snacks they could fit! But she would have to make do with her boyfriend's pockets. Yep, that's basically the plot. Warnings: if Reylo babies bother you, you might want to skip this one.) A World Where There Are Octobers by Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, 12 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is a ranch hand helping Han when the prodigal son returns.) Deliciously Dateable by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2021 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey hosts a Youtube show eating theme park foods. Ben is her producer and cameraman. The internet ships them thanks to their crazy chemistry even though Ben’s rarely on camera.) A Season of Frost & Warmth by shewhospeakswiththunder (AO3 2019 Rated T Complete, 6 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben and Rey attend a costume party and there is contention between them; also including descriptions of season-appropriate cooler fall temperatures, warm clothing, and pining.) Free Fallin' by SageMcMae (AO3 2018 Rated M Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: A modern AU with pilot Ben Solo and brewery owner Rey who meet with disastrous first impressions, but somehow find themselves unable to deny their intense connection. Taking a leap of faith is a gamble. Taking the plunge towards love is a free fall.) and they were roommates by myownlittleinfinity (AO3 2021 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Ben loses a bet to his roommate, Rey, he has to eat her out for 30 days.) Butter Crisp Sandwich by DarkMage13 (AO3 2021 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: “Mr, I insist you join me for a tea party today, at precisely noon. My teddy will be there.” Ben glanced at the boring clock on the wall. Ten minutes until noon. He swallowed in fear. There was no escape. Or: Ben Solo cannot say no to an adorable hazel-eyed little girl's request for tea.) the way I see you by ocjones (AO3 2021 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Historical AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben glides a finger over the painting’s shining face. It’s long since dried, having traveled the slow journey of hills between Naboo and Mortis, yet the varnish is so glossy it almost feels wet to the touch.And there she is: a soft-looking woman, her breasts pillowing over the top of her corset, her hair held lightly back with a band and flowing out behind her. Her delicate fingers grip a book, clasp it in her velvet-clad lap. The smile on her face is as gentle as her portrayal. His wife.) melting snow by makeshiftcandy (AO3 2021 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: “Rey?” Ben said, his voice suddenly right there, just in front of her, and no, oh no, he couldn’t be here, shouldn’t be anywhere near her because–“Alpha,” she whimpered, watching as the portion of his body visible to her froze.) Sweet Things by DarthBaker23 (AO3 2021 Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Alpha Ben enters a bakery and finds himself obsessed with a sweet scent. He's obsessed with the delicious smelling scent but can't find its source. He tries every pastry in the shop but eventually turns to the bakery owner, Rey, for help. When he finally meets her in person, he gets a big surprise.) Rey's Braids by Magdalane (AO3 2021 Rated M Complete, 6 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's little girl falls in love with braided hairstyles. He watches video from the popular YouTube channel in which Rey teaches different braiding techniques. After weeks of failure, he DMs her on Instagram, desperate...) Cashmere by ladyofreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: “Technically, Cashmere is a dating service. It’s for women who need escorts—literally, a date—to events. There are many women out there who don’t have partners or don’t wish to come out as lesbians—and they want to have a man on their arm. However, Cashmere is unofficially a place to find sexual partners who are vetted and cater to a variety of tastes.” Rose paused. “It’s great because they only hire the best-looking men, with great bodies and great sexual skills. It’s hard to go wrong. I’ve known a guy or two who worked for them. They are gentlemen and very skilled lovers.” Rey is looking for someone to take her virginity. When she calls Cashmere, they send Daddy Dom Kylo Ren...) Penetration Testing by SageMcMae (AO3 2019 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Tired of their difficult boss, Phasma, Hux, and Mitaka hire Rey to help their CEO Ben run a security test but forget to tell him. “Good morning, Mr. Ren. I’m Rey Niima. I’m here to conduct the penetration testing you requested.” "Excuse me?” “We will begin with a preliminary assessment of your system, conduct the initial penetration test, after which I will provide a gap analysis to highlight the areas requiring improvement. I’ll make sure to list them out in priority order so you improve your performance.” “My...performance?”) Lip Balm by Jammy_Dodger (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben HATES the lip balm Rey uses. He's been throwing it out, hiding it, trying to find ways to make her stop using it. So he ends up going to Sephora to buy her some new lip balm, but he comes out with VIB Rogue status, a curling iron, a hair dryer, a flat iron, heat protectant spray and a lot of stress. Ben hates shopping but he'll do it for Rey. Fluffy.) Homestead Fire by ladyofreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Prairie AU, Quick Synopsis: In this story, Ben Solo is a homesteader trying to court O. Kenobi's adopted daughter whilst on the prairie. He believes he will make Miss Rey a good husband. He shows her how when he stops by to chop wood and build up her fire.) Coffee by Jammy_Dodger (AO3 2021 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey sits next to Ben in the coffee shop bc he doesn't talk or bother her. One day he doesn't show up. Rey waits for him. Someone else sits in his seat& hits on her. Rey is annoyed. Ben shows up late, tells the guy he's in his seat. The guy refuses to move. Rey gives Ben her Seat, and then sits in his lap. She continues to read her book and he reads his. She asks for his number. They date. He goes to the coffee shop bc he still lives with his parents. Rey's apt is going to be condemned. They move in eventually. She still sits in his lap.)

#reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fluff #rey niima #ben solo #kylo ren

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narutos-fat-meat · 4 years

Text

**After All This Time**

TAGS: Cheating, ANGST

*LET ME KNOW IF I FORGOT TO TAG ANYTHING*

******

He tried calling you, tens, hundreds, maybe thousands of times, at first, but your phone had gone straight to voicemail almost every time. Sometimes if he was lucky, it would ring. Once. Maybe twice. It would fill his heart with hope. Hope he knew was futile. Yet he couldn’t help it. He knew that no matter how many times he tried, you wouldn’t pick up.

Maybe if he left a message? Would you even listen? Would you hear his desperate pleas of ‘I love you’ and come back? Would you give him another chance? Would you let him prove his love for you?

Of course not.

So why?

Was it weak to let someone consume him the way he had allowed you to? Of course, it was, but he would do anything to feel your arms around his waist again. Feel your warm embrace once more. Be consumed by the scent of your coconut shampoo just one more time.

Most of all, though, he longed to hear your voice. Even if all you did was scream at him. Even if all you did was tell him how much you hated him. Even if all you did was let him know how you wished him dead. Even if it was just for a second.

Sometimes he imagined what it would be like if you picked up the phone. What would he say? Would he selfishly beg you to come back? Would he go off listing the reasons why he loved you? Or would he just not say anything at all? Too shell shocked to even speak.

What would he do?

What would you do?

He never let himself linger on that thought for too long, though, because it was useless. You weren’t ever going to pick up his calls. He’d given up that privilege the second he had decided to cheat.

So why did he keep trying?

The first month after you left, he’d dialed your number so many times that the sound of your voice repeating The phrase ‘You’ve reached y/n I’m not here right now but leave a message, and I’ll call you back’ will forever be ingrained in his memory.

He sought you out. Called your friends. Called your family. But none of them would admit to having seen you or even having talked to you. Ushijima knew they were Lying straight through their teeth.

At first, it had enraged him. How could they hide you from him? Hide you from your Boyf-oh. That’s right; he’s nothing. He’s the man who broke your heart. The man who threw your love away for a cheap fuck.

He didn’t deserve to know how you were doing. He didn’t deserve to think about you. He didn’t deserve to love you or to have been loved by you.

He tried his best to move on, he did, but every time he did, he remembered the way you sat at the dining room table all those months ago. Remembers how your face had scrunched up in indescribable pain.

He tried his best to have meaningless sex, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t touch a body that wasn’t yours.

It felt wrong.

Nobody’s skin felt quite as supple and smooth under the harshness of his calloused fingertips. Nobody’s skin felt quite as warm. Nobody’s body succeeded in lighting his skin aflame like yours did.

Nobody could even come close to comparing to you.

How he wishes he had realized it before he lost you.

Your absence hasn’t gone unnoticed by the Alder’s, either. While Ushijima was usually stoic and silent, he was never distracted. Never off his game. Never less than perfect.

The difference was palpable. He had permanent dark rings around his eyes, and he was missing spikes left and right. Nobody on the team had ever seen him look as bad as he did. None of them dared to mention it. No one wanted to touch on the subject, so they let him be.

Watched as he got worse.

Watched him drown in his grief.

He’s not himself. He can’t be. Everything reminds him of you. He’s yet to throw out any of the things you left behind, hoping that one day you’ll come back to claim them, even when it doesn’t make sense. What kind of sane person would claim expired lotion or near-empty tubes of deodorant?

Yet there they still sit.

Months pass, and his grief has yet to lessen. He still feels hollow. He still feels empty.

He still misses you, except he’s much better at hiding it from his team. He can’t let his feelings get in the way of his career. If he didn’t have you, his only consolation was volleyball. He threw himself into it. Harder than he ever had before. Training until odd hours of the night and forfeiting team outings.

He was ‘dedicated.’

His ‘dedication’ pays off in the long run. He’s stood clad in red with the rest of his team, ready to face off against the rest of the world.

He should be over the moon, and yet, his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

He gets to face off against Oikawa once more. Defeat his rival on a much larger scale than he did before.

Before that would have filled him with adrenaline. Set his skin ablaze with the need to destroy, to conquer.

Yet. All he can think of is you.

He plays a beautiful game. He’s in top shape. Slamming down ball after ball after ball. Fills Argentina’s team with fear. He’s larger than life, and yet it isn’t enough. His team still loses.

It’s a punch to the gut to see Argentina celebrate.

To see Oikawa celebrate.

He supposes they were the better team: Oikawa, the better player.

He sets off to congratulate Oikawa, be the bigger person until he sees it.

His blood runs cold, and he stops dead in his tracks.

It’s you.

You’re running onto the court, one of the brightest smiles he’s ever seen donning your face.

For a second, he thinks it’s directed at him until he sees your line of sight.

Oh. You’re running towards Oikawa.

You jump into his embrace, and you look...healthier.

Happier.

His heart seizes with hurt in his chest, and for the second time that evening, he feels the crushing weight of defeat because, after all this time, it’s still you.

part 1!! : part 2!!

A/N: AH THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT ON PARTS 1 AND 2 OF THIS SERIES!

I had originally intended for this to be a 3 part story but, I like to make Ushijima suffer.

LET ME KNOW IF YA’LL WANT PART 4:)

As always I ALWAYS enjoy feedback so please if you have any drop it in my ask box:)

Likes and Reblogs are very greatly appreciated!

VERY SPECIAL THANK YOU AGAIN TO @astrablossom AND @kzumeskenma FOR PROOFREADING!! (I Love You)

pspspspsps @roronoa-imagines ; @kenji-futakoochi ; @comically-sleep-deprived ; @janin1ushijima come get your food:)

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu angst #ushiwaka #ushiwaka x reader #ushijima #haikyuu x y/n #hq sour hour

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ka-za-ri · 4 years

Text

Descent Pt. 8

Buckle in! We’re getting kinky! Also, this is one hella long chapter, lol.

°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° Thanks for all your encouragement. I may hate everything I write, but y’all seem to enjoy it! Please enjoy this giant bin full of sin. I’m so, so, sorry for uh... ... well I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. (シ_ _)シ

Comments and reblogs always appreciated.

Chapter Index and Obey Me! Masterlist: here Ao3 Mirror: Here Part [1] Part [2] Part [3] Part 4: [4] Part [5] Part [6] Part [7] Part [8] Part [9] Part [10]

Pairing: Simeon x Lucifer x Reader, Lucifer x Simeon (if you squint really hard) Genre: Really dirty smut Wordcount: 8,900 ish Tags: References to self-harm, body worship, multiple orgasms, sex toys, so many sex toys. Threesome F/M/M, Voyeurism, Overstimulation, Light sex magic, Chastity device, Summary: After a busy holiday season, Lucifer wants to celebrate a successful book launch with you and Simeon.

Dive

To no one’s surprise, Simeon’s new title made it to all the bestsellers’ lists. The timing of his novel with holiday season meant that book couldn’t stay on shelves. Everyone clamored to get a copy for themselves as well as a loved one who was a fan of his work. The stress associated with a book launch was vastly different from the process of writing. There was no rest for Simeon as he went immediately on a book tour to help with promotions once the title was released to the masses. It meant that most of your winter was spent following him across the country, helping set up displays and assisting with interviews while he was surrounded by fans.

You were exhausted, you wanted to sleep in your own bed for a change and you swore if you heard one more marriage proposal to Simeon from a fan, you were going to lose the last bits of your sanity. Spending weeks on the road were hellish and you were more than glad that the tour was over just in time for the year to turn over. Even if you weren’t able to spend the holidays at home, you at least got the new year to yourself. During the whole tour, neither you nor Simeon really had a chance to be close. Your professional lives took priority and keeping it cordial was paramount in maintaining his spotless image.

When you finally had time to yourself at home, you finally let your mind wander and tried to sort out your feelings for him. You couldn’t deny you still had an intense crush on the man. With all you went through to get his book written, you started to doubt your feelings. You couldn’t tell if you liked him for who he was or if it was out of obligation you were attached to him. All the intimate moments and all the times he called you his Little Lamb made your heart flutter, sure. It was hard to tell when everything you did with him was under the pretense of work. Did he say those things to get a reaction or did he actually mean them?

Ever since the book was published, Simeon barely interacted with you outside of what was necessary with work. Even if he did want to say something to you about your relationship with him, he was too swamped with his on obligations that there was no way to discuss anything with you in private. Despite working so closely with him, the two of you drifted apart further and further. By the time the new year rolled over and you both finally had some time to unwind, Simeon felt like a stranger to you.

You found yourself spending hours staring at the ceiling mulling over too many thoughts all at once. You could feel the last vestiges of your sanity slipping away as you tried to decipher everything. Simeon was so good at never voicing what he truly wanted, it was impossible to read his thoughts. With how distant he had become with work, it was even harder to predict what he would do next. With the massive success of his new book, the publishing house was already discussing the possibility of a whole series of smutty novels under his name. Just the thought of being used again for his book made you weary. It had been an arduous journey to just get one final product, you didn’t want to think about having to do it again anytime soon. Luckily, Simeon requested some additional time to go over the new contracts before signing them.

It was both a relief and a curse to have time to think over the offer. On one hand, the two of you would have continuous work. On the other hand, you would be once again used for his gain while his feelings remained ambiguous for you. You had enough of him toying with you and you truly wished for an opportunity to get him to open up to you somehow.

You were in yet another round of beating yourself up over falling for someone who was so enigmatic when your phone rang. Checking the number, it wasn’t one that you recognized. Though it was your normal policy to ignore unknown numbers, something compelled you to answer the call this time around.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon. It’s lovely to hear your voice again after so long.”

“L-Lucifer?” You squeaked, sitting straight up as if he was right in front of you. “How did you get this number?”

“Oh, I have my ways.” He said nonchalantly after a brief chuckle. “Congratulations on the successful book launch and follow up tour, by the way.”

“Ah… Thank you.” You didn’t know why you were so flustered. He wasn’t actually physically there, but the closeness of his voice reminded you of how amazing it was the last time the two of you were in the same room together. “But you should really be giving the thanks to Simeon, he did all the hard work.”

“He did. But you did have a heavy hand in… helping him, did you not?”

Your whole body warmed in embarrassment. Of all people to know the dark secret behind Simeon’s book, it had to be one of the most powerful people in the country. Inwardly, you prayed he wouldn’t hold that information as blackmail against the two of you. “I… I helped a little...”

“So humble.” Lucifer chuckled again, rather amused at the exchange you were having with him. “I’ve been keeping track of the book sales and I have to say, I’m rather impressed. Thanks to him, and by proxy you, stocks in my company have risen quite dramatically. If you have some time, I’d like to thank you personally with a small private party.”

“I… Eh? What?” You were left speechless by the offer.

“Simeon is my friend, I know he’s probably overworked from writing a book and then going on a tour. If I remember correctly, neither of you got to spend the holidays at home. Why not make it up now when you have time?”

Lucifer was awfully persuasive, his tone was made of velvet and you felt yourself relaxing from just listening to his voice. “I… I can free up my schedule.”

“Excellent. Now, I have a few ideas on what we can do for Simeon.” You couldn’t see it, but you could feel the excitement Lucifer had in his voice as you fell into what felt like a trap with him. “I think you know as well as I do that he doesn’t ever voice what he wants. I’m thinking this would be a good time to get him to open up, don’t you?”

You felt a heat rising up your neck and pooling at your cheeks. He didn’t say it explicitly, but you had an idea about where the conversation was going. Still, it was rude to assume anything. “What do you have in mind?”

“I do hope your evening is free, I’ve got quite a bit to discuss.”

“The night is all yours.”

Simeon didn’t know how he was convinced to go to this celebration Lucifer set up. The fact that his friend went to you first made it feel like there were ulterior motives to this little get together. Even if he’d only met you once before, Lucifer had already figured out how much sway you had over Simeon and that was the most frightening thing to realize. He knew the demon had a slew of tricks up his sleeve; despite the innocent grounds of the celebration, Simeon felt an anxiety he hadn’t before. Whenever Lucifer was involved, things were always more than they seemed.

The long ride up to his friend’s penthouse perched atop his high rise corporate building gave him too much time to ponder what was going to happen. His mind ran away with too many dark scenarios, by the time he was halfway through the floors, Simeon was visibly shaking. What if it was a trap? What if you were coerced to invite him? Would you even be there? What was the point of the celebration? He had already gone through all the ceremonies and parties he needed, why did he need to go to this one in particular?

“Lucifer invited us to a party to celebrate your new book, can we go?” Ah, there it was. The only reason why he agreed to arrive at all. Your voice had been so sweet and excited when you broke the news to him. You had no idea what kind of person Lucifer was and he was helpless to protect you from the demon’s schemes. The least he could do was accompany you whenever you were in his presence.

The last few floors to the top and Simeon was having doubts about going. He nearly stopped the elevator’s ascent before he remembered the favor he owed Lucifer. Being in debt to the demon was never something he wanted. It was only out of obligation that he was attending. Once it was all over, he would figure out a way to patch things up with you that didn’t involve Lucifer. The distance that developed between you had become unbearable and he needed to do something about it before he chased you away forever.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’ve finally decided to grace us with your presence.” Lucifer’s called from the other side of the room. “Took you long enough, I was starting to think that the elevator had broken down.”

Simeon looked around at the luxurious abode, taking in the beautiful sunset that shone through the floor to ceiling windows. A small table was already set with food, bottles of champagne sat chilling in ice. A single paltry mylar balloon set at the middle of the table had “Congratulations!” printed across it, the only thing that really even denoted that the gathering was any sort of celebration. He never was good at decorating…

He took a tentative step towards where the festivities were to take place. It was rather impressive just how much Lucifer amassed during his time in the human realm. More importantly, he took the time to take in his surroundings and look for you. Any sign that you were safe was all he needed to be put at ease.

He found you lounging on a sofa, looking out to the city, admiring the landscape from such a height. Seeing you dressed in a lovely cocktail dress made him feel rather out of place with his usual over-sized sweater and jeans. He had thought it was a casual affair, not anything that he would need to dress for. “I guess I didn’t get the memo about the dress code.” he joked to get your attention.

He didn’t want to think about how your skin glowed in the warm light of the sunset. Avert his eyes as he might, it was hard not to admire how the fabric clung to you in the most flattering way. It was hard to look away. His daze only broke when Lucifer just happened to pop open a bottle of champagne.

The attention didn’t go unnoticed. The plan you had concocted with Lucifer was going just swimmingly. It had been a trial to keep all the delicious details away from him, but seeing his bewildered expression was worth it. You got up from your seat and took a flute of the bubbly Lucifer was offering to bring over to Simeon. “Well, you’re the guest of honor, so you’re free to wear whatever you want.”

Simeon laughed softly, trying not to let his gaze linger on your collarbone. Your fingers brushed against his own when he took the flute from your hand. Just from that little contact, he was acutely aware of Lucifer watching your every action. Something was afoot, and he couldn’t discern if you were in on the plan as well. For what it was worth, you looked absolutely enchanting in that dress. He would have to at least thank Lucifer later for letting such a beautiful sight grace his eyes. Perhaps, the party wouldn’t be all too bad after all. “Just the three of us?”

“Well, my assistant would have been here too, but a sister company needed to borrow her for a business trip.” Lucifer shrugged. “She was so looking forward to seeing her favorite author in person too.”

Simeon raised a brow, taking a sip of the champagne. He could tell where the conversation was going. The copy of his book on a side table confirmed his suspicions. “Ah, let me guess. You want to give her a signed copy of the book when she gets back?”

“How’d you guess?”

“Not the first time I’ve had this talk.”

Lucifer laughed softly. “Well, you do owe me a favor.”

“That I do. Are you cashing it in now?”

“Not right now. Just relax and enjoy yourself, I called you here to celebrate your success, not make you do any more work.” He raised his glass for a toast and Simeon obliged.

The conversation subtly changed to other mundane topics. With the help of the alcohol, Simeon was able to relax and be less paranoid about his friend’s intentions. Still trying to be as respectable as he could be, he sat next to you while the three of you chatted. The small bites at the table slowly dwindled as you all partook in nibbling on them at intervals. You barely noticed the sun disappearing past the horizon until the lights came on.

At that point, Simeon was finally lax enough to speak freely. He had gone off on a tangent about the difficulties in cooking a proper fillet of fish. The rant lasted much longer than anticipated, and though you were invested in what he was saying, there were other plans that needed to be put into motion. His lips were too loose and you needed to shut him up somehow.

“Hey, Simeon?”

“Hm? What is i-- Mmph!” He never finished his sentence as you had pulled him into a torrid kiss. The libations and the lax company had made it so easy to fantasize about him, the plan Lucifer concocted with you only fueled your desires. As soon as you had him where you wanted, you straddled him on the sofa, deepening the kiss. He tasted like champagne and spices. The cologne he had on seemed stronger than usual, or perhaps that was also because of the alcohol? Regardless, he was delicious and better than anything else you had that evening.

“Wait. You can’t. You’re drunk… Lucifer is...” Simeon stuttered and you placed a finger on his kiss swollen lips.

“I’m not drunk. Lucifer knows exactly what’s going on.” You reassured. “Let us treat you right. You’ve worked so hard lately. Relax...”

He bit at his lower lip, staring into your eyes in hopes of finding some fault in your confidence only to see that there was none. You had days to prepare yourself for this moment. There was no going back and you were absolutely living. He looked so sweet and unassuming with that bewildered look of his. It was almost a shame to hide his beautiful eyes when Lucifer came up from behind the sofa and draped the blindfold over his face. “Relax...” he said softly into the angel’s ear, slipping a little bit of magic into his voice. “It’s been a long time since you’ve had release, I know… Let us take care of you.”

He could feel the magic seep into him, unwinding his tense muscles and his mind drifted into an odd state of hyperawareness as his senses were taken away from him. A part of him wanted to fight against the magic, resist the pull of calmness that crept through his veins. Whatever powers he had to contest against the charm working its way through his limbs were quickly dashed away as you went back into him for another kiss. You took your time, savoring the softness of his lips and the heat of his breath as he succumbed to the two of you.

You glanced up at Lucifer after breaking the kiss and he raised an amused brow. It had been much easier to get Simeon to comply than he had anticipated. He would have thought the angel would have used at least some of his celestial powers to combat the little spell he wove into his words. His hand gently pat Simeon’s hair like a beloved pet while your fingers played at the hem of his sweater.

Simeon tensed up again when he felt his shirt being lifted and pulled it back down, shying away from your touches. “Please, let me see all of you.” you asked with a pout that he fortunately couldn’t see.

“I… I don’t...” he protested.

“It’s okay…” Lucifer’s low, silky voice cut through his doubts and forced his mind back into that blank calm it was in before. “Relax. It will be all right.”

Simeon let out a stuttering breath, slowly removing his hands away from his sweater to let take it off him. He shivered as cooler air hit his heated skin. He turned away from you again, acutely aware of all the stares he was getting from you. His whole body tingled in anticipation of what might happen next. Not being able to see your expression or where Lucifer was prowling was putting him on edge, but the spell over his mind had him oddly calm at the same time.

Ultimately, you just wanted Simeon to voice what he really wanted. You wanted to hear what he really thought about you. You were tired of guessing and when Lucifer offered to set something up to get him to talk, it was impossible for you to turn such a chance down. If you couldn’t get him to say anything after today, well, there were plans in place for that as well. Getting his sweater off was a good start, but you wanted to see him beg as he had done before.

“Hands and knees.” You commanded, guiding him off the couch and onto the plush carpet of the floor onto his knees. Lucifer, ever being the gracious host pushed the table with the last of the food and drinks to the side to give you more room to work with. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught your reaction to the self-inflicted scars that marred Simeon’s back and shoulders.

“Oh… Oh, Simeon...” You breathed when you saw the long scars across his body. Some of the marks were clearly newer than others; but all of them seemed recent enough for you to gather when he had made them. Your fingers slowly traced each one of them, planting soft kisses on the freshly healed skin. Some of the marks still had the trace edges of a scab that only recently fell off and you spent a few extra moments to caress the tender skin in those spots. You lost count of just how many kisses you had showered onto his back and shoulders, each one of them reverent and apologetic in nature. “Why did you do this to yourself?”

“I… I deserve punishment for what I did to you.” He replied. Oddly enough, he was glad for the blindfold across his eyes. It meant he didn’t have to look at your tear filled eyes and worried expression while he explained himself. Having Lucifer witness the exchange only made him feel all the more vulnerable and he curled up on himself, hunching over to hide his face. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

Your fingers idly outlined the myriad of marks across his back. It was hard to say anything in those moments. He was visibly shaken by what happened the one time he let the darkness in him consume him. He was able to at least beat into something more manageable with the self-imposed punishment he put himself through. Simeon let out an earth shattering sigh before straightening back up. He needed to accept that even if you said you forgave him, you were more than welcome to never want to be with him again.

After all, you had a taste of what it felt like to be with someone like Lucifer who didn’t have the same limitations as he did. Nothing was stopping you from going to the other man in the room for your needs. If there was something he deserved, it would be your scorn and your hatred towards him. Yet, to his surprise, you showed him none of that. All you did was gently rub your back while he stewed in his misery.

“Are you done with wallowing yet?” Lucifer spoke up, his tone clearly denoting just how bored he was with Simeon’s dramatic self-deprecating moment. “Neither of us have left you yet, so what makes you think we’re going to anytime soon?”

“I… I’ve sinned too much.”

Lucifer scoffed. “You’ve sinned too much? Shall we make you repent then?”

“...Yes”

It was all the permission the two of you needed. Lucifer drew Simeon’s hands together in front of him, palms together in the position of prayer. A thin black ribbon wound between his fingers and his hands to keep them bound in the position. You rubbed comforting circles on his back while Lucifer worked magic with the ribbon until Simeon’s forearms were completely wrapped. You had to admire the handiwork, it was an intricate web of knots and loops that was absolutely mesmerizing to look at. “Good boy.” you praised once Lucifer tied the last knot to secure everything in place.

Simeon’s mind went blank at your words, the feelings welling up within him weren’t unfamiliar, but with his hands bound, he couldn’t act up on them. He wanted to kiss you, hold you, make you his without Lucifer’s presence and influence on you. The time he spent with you outside of work was precious and treasured, he didn’t want anyone interfering with the purity of his feelings for you. The way you touched him set his nerves on fire, the barely healed scars tingled in response to your fingers brushing past them.

“You’ve worked so hard, let’s make sure you get an appropriate reward.” You murmured, kissing the shell of his ear and trailing your lips down to his neck. He twitched any time your lips skimmed over a sensitive spot. You took notice of his reactions and made sure to spend a little extra time sucking at his skin, coaxing out soft, breathy moans. You pulled him toward you, resting his back against your chest, giving Lucifer full access to take off the rest of his clothes.

Exposed to the two of you, he felt like a lamb caught between two wolves. He couldn’t see where Lucifer was, but he could feel the other man’s presence circling around him. Your warm body against his back at least gave him some semblance of calm and he focused on that while anticipating the next thing that would happen. “You deserve to feel so good… Right?” you purred, reaching between his legs and giving his half hard cock an experimental stroke.

You were rewarded with a guttural grunt, his hips flexed and jerked up to meet your touch. His arms strained against their bindings, his fingers trembled against the ribbon, itching to return everything you were doing tenfold. You shushed him, noticing how tense he was and kissed his temple to relax him again. “Don’t worry. We’ll take good care of you.” You reassured.

Lucifer loved every bit of the scene that was unfolding on his floor. While Simeon was drowning in the security you gave him, he quietly pulled out a few choice items and placed them within reach for you. You looked up at him with a knowing smile and nodded in encouragement. “We’re going to need you to last all night long...” Lucifer’s said, his voice seemed to echo in Simeon’s head, close and everywhere all at once.

He bit his lip, turning his head about as if to look around. He felt something cool join your hand at his cock. The ring easily slipped down his half hard length and rested at the base of his cock. You continued to languidly stroke him to full mast, marveling at just how quickly he got hard once he was at your mercy. “Good job.” You planted kisses on his temple before maneuvering him onto his elbows and knees.

With his ass in the air like that, you couldn’t help but give it a resounding slap. The sharp sound echoed throughout the room and Simeon yelped at the sudden pain. The sting made his eyes water, but the soft caresses that came after made up for it. He let out a stuttering breath, concentrating on how the carpet underneath him felt and not on your hands spreading his ass cheeks apart, revealing the tightly puckered hole of his anus. “Lucifer, if you’ll do the honors...”

“With pleasure.”

He knew what was coming, but not being able to see anything made it all the more intense for him. The coldness of the lube mingling with Lucifer’s long, slender fingers made his mind reel. Your hands firmly keeping his spread for the other man to finger and prepare him made a mixture of embarrassment and arousal spread through him. The wet sounds of his asshole being slowly stretched mingled with the breathy moans coming from his lips. You watched, rather entranced at how skillfully Lucifer slid his fingers in and out of Simeon. It seemed like he knew every sweet spot within, curling his fingers just so to get the best reaction out of the trembling man beneath you. “Amazing...”

“Isn’t he?” Lucifer concurred, adding a third finger into Simeon and chuckling darkly at the strangled gasp that came out of the angel. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

“Mm, like an angel.”

He shouldn’t have found your analogy so amusing, but it was so charming how you called him an angel while doing such sinful things. And in the presence of a demon of all things. The irony of it all only made the scenario he created with you all the more entertaining to him. He gave Simeon a few more long, unhurried thrusts with his fingers before deeming his hole prepared enough. Hearing Simeon whimper when he was no longer filled sent a thrill through his body. He was sure his friend had struggled so hard to not fall from the grace of the Celestial realm. But, with how debauched Simeon became from just a little teasing; he was sure human temptations had blackened the once pure soul of his friend.

He could tell with just how Simeon looked at you how enamored he was with you. He could literally feel the tendrils of desire seeping out of him and the heated gazes he left on all of your assets whenever you weren’t looking. He might still be an angel in the eyes of the gods above, but it was a matter of time before he fell. All he needed was a little push over the edge.

Even if he had been properly prepared and the lube Lucifer used had been liberal enough to drip down his thighs, it didn’t prepare him for the stretch and girth of the toy being inserted into him. The swell of its widest part made Simeon see stars as he was pushed to his limits before accepting the whole plug into him. His breathing came out in labored pants, drool dribbled down the corner of his mouth as he struggled to ground himself.

“Good boy.” You praised, placing chaste kisses on his lips and positioning his body just the way you wanted it. Laid out on his back, Lucifer raised his hands above his head and secured it against a sturdy pole. Seeing Simeon splayed out and exposed on the ground was a captivating sight, to say the least. He had no idea just how much fun you were about to have with him.

“Want to hear an angel sing?” Lucifer asked, helping you up from the ground and settling you into his lap on the sofa.

“I think that would be lovely.”

Simeon heard a soft lick coming from where your voice came from. Before he could comprehend what was going on, he let out the most beautiful wail of pleasure as his whole body was taken over with stimulation. The sizable plug in him started to vibrate, the intensity of the sensations short circuited his brain. There was nothing to keep him from blocking out the onslaught of pleasure thrust upon him. He thrashed against his bindings, trying to get away from what you and Lucifer had orchestrated. It was an excruciating experience to be overcome with so much pleasure all at once. He wanted to cum, wanted it to all be over; but he knew it was just the beginning. His cock throbbed against the ring at the base, aching for release or stimulation but getting none.

“It’s a lovely sound, isn’t it?” Lucifer asked, kissing your jawline and your neck. His hands cupped your breasts, massaging them and making you arch your back against him. He could feel your body get warmer as you watched Simeon squirm on the floor. The sight was undoubtedly arousing, even for him. There really wasn’t anything more titullating than having such a powerful creature at their mercy.

“Beautiful.” You agreed, turning your head to capture Lucifer’s lips in a ferverent kiss. You ground against his lap while his hands explored and played with your body. The two of you made sure to be vocal enough for Simeon to hear. The wet sounds of your kisses and your lewd moans mixed with his desperate cries to create a beautiful, perverse symphony.

Lucifer’s hand slid under the skirt of your dress, his thighs shifted so that your legs naturally spread for him. His fingers deftly found your panties and pushed them aside to plunge into your hot core. For a moment both you and Simeon screamed in tandem. Lucifer rest his head at the crook of your neck as his fingers worked their magic on you. You could understand now why Simeon sounded so needy earlier. There was a confidence in the way he worked your folds and how he shoved his fingers into you that made you want more.

“Oh fuck.” you moaned, rolling your hips to meet his his fingers. You reached back to play with his hair, your vision became blurry from just how much he was able to elicit out of you with just his fingers. “I want your cock so bad.” You moaned, pressing your ass against his bulge.

“In due time, Little Lamb...” he reassured, pushing his fingers into you until he was knuckle deep. The motion of which made you gasp and cry for him. “The night is still young. You have to be patient.”

“Y-yes...” You breathed. You had nearly forgotten that in the end, the focus was supposed to be Simeon’s pleasure and not your own. You sighed, feeling a bit guilty that you had been so quick to neglect the man on the floor.

Lucifer had a way of directing the evening, commanding everything to fit right into his plans. He had you writing and aroused beyond all belief in his lap. Simeon was on the ground, screaming in desperation for relief. Everything was going just the way he had planned it, even the parts that he didn’t disclose to you. It was so gratifying to see how easily you had played into his hand. He reluctantly pulled his fingers out of your tight heat and coaxed you out of his lap. “We have a lot to do still.”

“Ah… right.” You said, reminded of everything else you had planned.

The vibrations in Simeon’s ass subsided a bit, giving him a brief moment to catch his breath. That didn’t last long though as Lucifer walked over to slide his fingers coated in your slick down his mouth. Instinctively, Simeon sucked and lapped, greedily tasting you. The sounds you made earlier only served to make him painfully hard and the need for release was growing unbearable. He groaned against the digits, hoping the pleading tone in his noises would allow him some mercy.

“You always sound so pretty when you beg.” You purred, crawling next Simeon and licking his nipple. He choked against the fingers in his mouth, gagging as he tried to accommodate the new sensation of your tongue on his oversensitive skin. “You look like you’re just about to lose it...” Your hand traveled down his abs to grab his cock, giving it a few hard strokes which made him gag once again on Lucifer’s fingers.

His body betrayed all of his internal protests. He should have tried to curb his desires more, but his body had other ideas. It moved in your favor, his hips jerked violently against your hand and his back arched to meet your lips on his nipple. The vibrations in his ass once again intensified and he was sinking into the depths of pleasure with no way out.

He cursed, screaming your name and Lucifer’s while you pampered his body with attention. Despite the ring restricting his intense oncoming climax, cum leaked freely from the tip, coating your hand in a slick, sticky mess. “Won’t you let go for me?” You asked sweetly before you grazed his nipple with your teeth, biting down gently and eliciting yet another delightfully garbled moan from him.

Lucifer withdrew his fingers once he felt Simeon had done a sufficient job of cleaning them. He almost felt pity at the man on the ground. The pleasure he was receiving seemed to be almost too much. But, Lucifer knew it would take much more to break Simeon down to his most basic needs. If he wanted to hear Simeon beg to fall, then he would need to do much more.

You were doing a wonderful job of keeping Simeon just on the edge of his climax. Your hands stilled anytime his hips bucked wildly. Your mouth focused solely on teasing his nipples until they were sore from being licked and nipped at. You were doing your part perfectly, which meant Lucifer needed to match your pace and up the ante a bit more.

His hand replaced yours at Simeon’s cock. He stroked the ring at the base of his shaft. “You want to release?”

Simeon nodded, choking back a sob and he twitched against his bindings. Lucifer smirked and started to slide the ring off. He watched as Simeon’s plush lips were stuck in perfect “O”, he barely dared to breathe until you bit on his nipple again and made him gasp loudly. It was just the perfect distraction to slide the ring off the last few inches of his aching cock. Simeon heaved deep breaths as he felt the pressure on his dick finally abate. Surely that meant he had come to the end of the torture he was being put through.

It was only the beginning of the fun for Lucifer. There was a rustling noise from the corner of the room as Lucifer reached for something. He couldn’t quite make out what it was, but he didn’t have to wonder for long as Lucifer pressed cold, wet ice against the heated flesh his thighs and trailed it up to his cock. The sounds that came from his lips almost didn’t sound human as he choked out a cry, squirming away from the cold.

Lucifer was insistent, running the cold ice up and down his heated shaft, the mixture of your hot mouth on his chest and the chill of the ice on his cock made his head swim. He struggled again against his bindings, but they held fast. His fingers and wrists began to feel numb from being held firmly together for so long; but it was nothing compared to the numbness he felt throughout his body. He couldn’t keep track of who was doing what anymore. His body merely a toy for the two of you to play with. It was filthy to be used so thoroughly, but a dark part of his heart absolutely relished in it.

The ice trailed up his hips, past his abdomen and circled one of his pert, sensitive nipples. The sudden cold made his head spin and your hot mouth switched places with ice. Lucifer lazily dragged the melting ice back and forth between his nipples, watching it melt against his hot skin. It brought him so much joy to pinch at those overstimulated buds of flesh whenever the ice left him just numb enough. The yelps of surprise that came from Simeon always melted into a quiet moan and a slight arch of his back.

You trailed kisses down, down to the apex of his thighs and he swore he saw the gates of heaven open when your tongue flitted out and lapped at the tip of his cock. He would have cum then and there if he didn’t know any better. Even if it was unsaid, he didn’t have permission to release unless you or Lucifer explicitly said so. He held back his moans, thinking about the cold ice on his chest instead of what your hot mouth was doing.

“Let go...” Lucifer purred into his ear.

It was all the permission Simeon needed. Your hand stroked him to completion as let out a long moan. His semen came out in long, hot ropes, coating your hand and his abdomen. Lucifer swept in for a hot, sloppy kiss, swallowing all the lewd sounds that came from Simeon while you languidly licked his cum from your hand and off his skin. His whole body trembled from the force of his orgasm; but it wasn’t over yet. The plug in his ass still stimulated him and kept his libido on high. Even if he wanted to catch his breath, he wouldn’t be able to with how Lucifer and you were pushing his limits.

He whined when Lucifer finally broke the kiss. He was needy in a way he had never been before. There was a desperate need for a different kind of release than the one he just had. He knew exactly what it was he wanted; but it wasn’t something he could have. He wanted what Lucifer could do to you, to sink his length into you until he was balls deep. He wanted to feel your inner walls around him and not your hands. He wanted your slick to cover his cock. He wanted to claim you. “Ah.. Please… I… I need...”

You shushed him with a quick peck on his lips. “I know, I know… you want to cum again.” You finished his sentence for him.

He stuttered. It was not what he needed, not in the way you had planned. “N-no. I… I need… Ahhn!~” His pleas were cut short as you tied a vibrator against his softening cock. A length of black ribbon kept the toy flush against his member and you cooed softly, admiring your own handiwork. With a soft click, the toy was turned on at the highest setting and Simeon was thrown right into another round of screaming and fighting against his bindings.

“Feel free to cum as many times as you want, my Angel. This night is about you.” You finally took the blindfold off of him to let him see his surroundings.

He blinked, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the sudden change in light. You were still dressed to the nines in that slinky dress of yours; however there was a distinctive debauched air about it. Your hair was in disarray, there were wrinkles in the fabric that weren’t there before. There was also the fact that your panties were just idly hanging off of your ankle that made the sight all the more debased than he could ever imagine.

Lucifer stood behind you, one hand under your skirt fondling your pussy while his other hand groped your breast. You hummed and rocked against his touches, your knees feeling weak at just how talented he was at getting you riled up. Seeing you squirm and shake, gasping for Lucifer was enough to pull another orgasm out of Simeon. His spent cock being forced into erection over and over again thanks in part to the toy strapped to him and also due in part to the lewd show you were giving him.

“Like what you see?” Lucifer asked, smirking at the exhausted man below him. Simeon’s bright eyes were glazed over in lust, the desire to take you for himself was clear as day. But, denying him the thing he wanted the most was too entertaining. Seeing the torment flit across the man’s face as he was made to watch you come undone was absolutely delicious. “Want to see more?”

He lifted your skirt up and revealed to Simeon how much of a sopping wet mess you were. Simeon’s gaze was affixed to the way Lucifer’s finger stroked your slit up and down with his thumb pressed up against your clit. His digits were absolutely soaked with your essence, sliding in and out of you with ease whenever he felt bored of playing with your labia. He whimpered, his hips twitching in response to your every gasp and moan.

“Can we please?” You pleaded, leaning into Lucifer and desperately kissing his jawline. “You know how much he likes to watch.”

“Oh, I do.” Lucifer chuckled, his free hand moved to undo the zipper of your dress. The fabric fell from your shoulders, pooling at your feet and Simeon’s vision was blessed with your nude form in front of him. It wasn’t the first time he had seen it, but it had been so long since the last time, it felt like a whole new experience all together.

Lucifer undid his slacks just enough free his own aching penis. He rubbed the shaft between your legs, coating his length with your juices. Simeon watched, barely registering the vibrations on his own cock anymore. He licked his lips, wishing he was in his friend’s place. The needy gaze didn’t go unnoticed, Lucifer saw the desperation build behind Simeon’s gaze and he gave the angel a self-satisfied smirk as he lined himself to your hole and slid into you in one smooth motion.

Even if the initial intentions of the night were to get Simeon to cum until he couldn’t see straight, you would be lying if you didn’t crave a little action of your own. Lucifer’s dick sliding in out of you while Simeon watched was just the stimulation you needed. You couldn’t get enough of being watched hungrily by the man on the ground, unable to do anything except cum over and over again thanks to all the toys. It was the perfect amount of payback for all the times he played with you without giving you what you truly wanted.

“Oh fuck you feel so good.” You gasped, reeling in bliss as your inner walls hugged and squeezed Lucifer’s cock as if they were made for him.

The man behind you was taking quite a bit of enjoyment out of the scenario as well. His usual smooth talking had stopped as he focused on fucking you. He knew Simeon wouldn’t be able to tear his eyes away from how his dick disappeared into you over and over. Your vocal appreciation for everything he did to you wasn’t helping the envy building up in him. He wanted to be there, he could be there. All it took was a little push over the edge…

Lucifer was relentless in his pace, driving you to cum all over him quickly. He didn’t stop though, he was too fond of pushing the limits of everyone around him. He continued to fuck you until your knees gave out and you fell on all fours. His cock slipped out of you and Simeon could see the length glisten and drip with your juices. He licked his lips again and felt his water. He wanted to have a taste of you, even if it was on another man’s cock. The unique flavor of your essence still lingered at the back of his throat from when Lucifer had made him lick his fingers and he lusted for another sampling.

Lucifer sheathed himself into you once more and you saw stars from the new angle. The moan that came from your lips was all the encouragement Simeon’s hormones needed before he once again climaxed. His cries mingled with yours, filling the room with the lewd sounds of sex. Lucifer eventually joined in, his breathy sighs turned to aggressive grunts as he claimed your cunt in lieu of Simeon. “Gonna cum for me again, Little Lamb?” he asked, slapping your ass hard enough to leave a hand print on it.

You squealed, the pain shot across your body briefly before the fullness of his cock inside of you took all of it away. “Yes, yes sir… very soon, sir.”

“Good girl...” Lucifer growled, pulling your hair and using it as leverage to go deeper into you.

You lost count of how many times you screamed his name as he toed the line between pain and pleasure. He was rough but the rawness of his actions made your body sing praises. You watched as Simeon came again, his eyelids fluttering in exhaustion. His whole being completely spent and used. Yet, none of it was over until Lucifer said so.

“One last time. Cum for me, now.” Lucifer demanded.

You didn’t know how he had you trained so quickly. Your whole body spasmed as you came crumbling around him. “Fuck… Simeon...” You whined, calling for the man you truly wanted to fuck you. Your inner walls clamped around the cock in you, milking it as if it was the one in front of you. If you imagined it enough, you could see yourself riding him until the two of you were absolutely delirious.

Even if it had all been planned beforehand, Lucifer still couldn’t help but feel a bit of a sting when you called out the other man’s name. Your walls tightening around him was enough to send him over the edge with you and he released his load in you. His pace became an erratic stutter as he fucked you until his cock was too sensitive to take any more. He had been saving himself for this moment for quite a few days, the load he let go of was large enough to have his seed dripping out of you even before he pulled out.

Hearing his name come from your lips as you reached your climax with another man sent Simeon spiraling into the most powerful orgasm he had that night. He yelled your name, calling for you, begging for you as the last of his energy went into his release. He wheezed, barely able to keep consciousness as the last vestiges of his stamina went to blocking out the still vibrating toys on and in his body.

Gathering what strength your weary body had, you at least had the decency to undo the ties on his cock, letting the vibrator fall away from the sticky mess his multiple ejaculations had caused. It was a sight, his cum spilled all over his thighs, his stomach and on the rug underneath him. As filthy as it all was, it was still a rather erotic sight. While you removed the plug from his ass, Lucifer worked on finally undoing the bindings on his arms.

Simeon heaved a sigh of relief once he was freed. The first thing he did was attempt to pull you into a kiss, but he was so weak, he could only find the strength to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. You got the hint and kissed the tip of his nose, smiling softly at him. You reached for the towels Lucifer had already set aside for clean up and gently cleaned off the worst of the mess from his body and on the rug. “Ahh… looks like you might need to steam clean that spot...”

“Or I can just get a new rug. I’ve been meaning to redecorate.” Lucifer shrugged, massaging Simeon’s hands and wrists, lovingly tracing the deep marks left behind from the ribbon. They wouldn’t last very long, but he did appreciate the crisscross pattern on his friend’s skin.

Simeon sighed in content, his whole body tingling in the aftermath of cumming so many times only to be followed by so care and attention. “I’m guessing that you two planned this beforehand and it wasn’t about celebrating the book release at all.”

“Oh, are you saying we didn’t applaud your deeds enough? Should we go another round?” You teased.

Simeon let out a tired groan and quickly backtracked. “Okay, no. No. This was plenty. The best party I’ve ever had. Promise.”

Lucifer chuckled, his hands still working circulation back into the tips of Simeon’s fingers. He watched the two of you banter and couldn’t help but feel a bond similar to the one he had with assistant forming between you and Simeon. All his friend needed was just a little more encouragement to take that last step to accept all the temptation in front of him. “Well, If you really want to talk about your work some more, then I’m sure my assistant wouldn’t mind a signed copy of your book… if you have the time to grace us with your autograph.”

“I… I think I can manage that.”

Being pampered so thoroughly was a change of pace for him. Simeon felt like he was drifting off in a warm pool of water. His consciousness drifted away as you and Lucifer cleaned him off and made sure he was comfortable. “Oh… One more present before you fall asleep.” You shook him out of the doze he was in to make sure he was completely conscious for the last gift you had prepared for him.

I really was a shame that Simeon had so many issues with expressing his desires.

He looked at you with confusion, looking around for what else you might have planned. You kissed him deeply, putting every bit of emotion you could into it to keep him distracted. While he languidly returned the kiss, he heard a soft clink and felt something cold surround his flaccid penis. A hefty metal cage enclosed his member and he blinked in shock, pushing you away and frantically looked back and forth between the two of you. “What… what is the meaning of this?”

“Well...” you drawled, snapping the locking mechanism shut and waving the key to the chastity belt in front of his face. “You’re adamant about not fucking me, so I didn’t think you’d need to use your dick any more. Right, Lucifer?”

Lucifer grinned devilishly, he pat your head like the obediant pet you were and nodded in agreement. “We could have avoided this if you just told us what you wanted out of tonight… But you were just too busy screaming, we couldn’t figure anything out.”

“It’s cute, right?” You asked, looking up him expectantly. “Do you like it? It was my idea.”

It was your idea. The fact shocked Simeon to his very core, to say the least.

“I.. I’m not sure if cute is the word you’re looking for.” Lucifer teased. His tender caresses moved away from Simeon’s arm to gently comb through his sex tousled hair. “But, I will admit that it is rather charming.”

You giggled, running your finger across the metallic finish of the cage, watching his cock twitch at the slight contact. “Nope. It’s cute. He’s my cute and precious angel.”

Mine.

Simeon’s arms wrapped around you possessively and held you close to him. Even if he was exhausted, he wouldn’t let Lucifer sway you with any more silly schemes. If he was to be caged for the rest of his life, he could accept his fate as long as he was yours. He sighed, surprisingly content with his life at the moment and he clung to you as he felt himself drifting off to sleep again. You held the key to many aspects of him at this point. At any time, you could choose to free him or entangle him in another intricate game to have him screaming your name.

None of that mattered. He was yours and he was beginning to believe he was willing to give you every part of him just to receive your approval. As long as your eyes were on him. As long as he held your attention. He was ready to give you whatever you asked for.

Except for maybe his divinity. He still foolishly clung to the delusion that he was a pure angel so long as he didn’t defile you.

You had taken him apart, dragging every bit of his heart into the darkness he had resisted for so long. The last traces of his holy resistance fought against the temptation. At this point, he knew was likely in too deep to really care if he did fall. As long as the fall meant he landed in your arms.

#Obey me!#Shall we date obey me #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Simeon #Obey me smut #Lucifer x Reader #Simeon x reader #Obey Me AU #Lucifer x Simeon x Reader #i'm trash you're trash we're all trash #this is... a lot to take in #I'm actually really sorry #but also not really #please validate me

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elmo-is-a-forgotten-god · 3 years

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How confident I am I could beat fictional characters in a fight. For this list I am going off of skill and personality alone, no powers. Yes I will give valid reasons for these rankings. Also assume these characters are my age (16). (The higher the number the less likely I am to beat them.)

For people who are just now seeing my page, here are my stats: I am a 7 time regional champion archer, I have also ranked in the top 10 at regionals for fencing in Sabre, epee, and foil for the past 3 years, I have taken self defense classes since I was little and I have even taught beginner classes, I have also been trained in 6 different martial arts over the course of about 9-10 years.

I’ll start with avatar: the last air bender first:

Aang: 8/10, he is a very well trained fighter as he was taught by the monks at birth. However he has several things holding him back, mainly the fact he doesn’t want to fight. He was taught mainly defensive and evasive maneuvers and his own morals hold him back. If I were to win I would have to make up a sob story and then betray him.

Consensus: most of the time I wouldn’t stand much of a chance, but his morals and teachings hold him back.

Katara: 1/10, no I am not just someone who hates katara, she’s a good bender however she has had little to no formal combat training. However she is stubborn and would not go down without a fight.

Consensus: she hasn’t had enough formal training to pose a real threat, however she wouldn’t make it easy for me.

Sokka: 2/10, don’t even get me fucking started on sokka, great character, horrible at fighting. Just look at the way he swings his sword around wildly, wtf. The only thing bringing his score up is his very little amount of training given to him by his father.

Consensus: terrible fucking fighter, but has had some training. I’d still most likely win.

Momo: 6/10 this bitch would go feral if I went anywhere near his food and his eyes scare me.

Consensus: I’d get my shit rocked

Toph: 9/10 HER FORM IS FUCKING FLAWLESS AND SHE USES A REALLY RARE FORM OF KUNG-FU CALLED MANTIS FORM. NOT TO MENTION THE RAW FUCKING POWER SHE EXUDES THE ONLY CHANCE I HAVE OF SURVIVAL IS THE WATER.

Consensus: she would beat my ass

Appa: 8.5/10 he fucking outweighs me by several tons and he can fly. The only thing saving me is the fact he’s a gentle giant.

Consensus: I would get my shit rocked unless he wasn’t in the mood to fight

Zuko: 7/10 he has had a lot of royal training however he was also thrown out of that for a period of time. I also believe his cockiness would get the better of him or he would try to turn me to his side.

Consensus: probably get my shit rocked but i at least have a shot

Iroh: 9.5/10 If he wanted to kill me he would do it before I even knew what was happening. Good thing iroh is a gentle soul so there’s a chance he would just sit me down for tea.

Consensus: if we were fighting I’d prob die but he also is a very kind old man

Azula: 10/10 she’s not as powerful as iroh but she’d show no fucking mercy. Not to mention I would let her kill me.

Consensus: dead almost instantly but I’d probably attempt to flirt with her beforehand

Mai: 5.5/10 she’s faster than me but I feel like I could hold my own decently well. It honestly depends on who gets the first hit and because she’s faster than me she’s more likely to win

Consensus: I feel like we’d be pretty evenly matched but she’d still have a better shot at kicking my ass

Ty Lee: 7.5/10 she is relatively friendly and that would probably be my saving grace but this lady knows pressure points like no other and I just know she could beat my ass.

Consensus: friendly but not to be fucked with, I could probably not handle her in a fight.

Suki: 9.5/10 She is so fucking strong and an excellent fighter. Hell she led the kyoshi warriors and pretty much broke her and sokka out of jail. However I feel like she would probably try to recruit me like she did with ty Lee.

Consensus: She’d rock my shit and I would let her

Cabbage man: 0.5/10 I fucking hate cabbages and I would eliminate him out of pure unbridled rage and hatred.

Consensus: he wouldn’t stand a chance against my hatred for cabbages

Ozai: 8.5/10, aang beat him in a fight so I can’t imagine he’s too bad. But he has had royal training from the fire nation and I believe ultimately he would defeat me.

Consensus: I would put up a fight but I’d ultimately lose.

#shitpost #shotpost #funny memes #memes #funny #im a dumb fuck #im a dumbass #avatar #avatar toph #avatar korra #avatar zuko #avatar the last airbender #martial arts

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charmed-asylum · 4 years

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👨‍🍳#𝓕𝓞𝓞𝓓𝓲𝓔👨‍🍳

Summary: Something happening in Easter Hills. Something that effecting everyone under the surface. Could this just be a phase a trick that no one can shack off? Is this something that will pass with another or can we all be heading for destruction

Declaimer: #Foodie has some curse words, blood,cat fight, mentions of bullying and eating disorder. Also, I do have dyslexia who happens to do her own proof reading so be easy with me!!!

A/N: This chapter is a filler before things start to go to shit in the next one. Let me know what you think or want to be added to the tag list. xoxo Tia

MASTER LIST // Previous CHAPTER 2

Tagged: @weapinggwillowss @kittykatlow @alagalaska @deansblackbeauty

The journey to school was a blur. I don’t know how or by what grace of god but I made it come Monday. It has been one hell of a week but that be an understatement. In reality, it wasn’t just this week it was these last month or so. I tap my number two pencil a few times against the desk waiting for my name to be called. Ms. King was an older lady full proud of the fact she been teaching since 1968. While it was an achievement to the only thing she to show was 13 cats waiting for her at home. The simple 10 minutes routine took her much longer and left us 20 minutes to cramp everything in. Today this lovely dry hot day was pushing 22 minutes. Taking a deep breath I look away from the heart diagram and look up to see what was taking so long. Class of normally 27 students was a minor fraction of 18 if that. I would think nothing of it but as I chew on the nasty no taste but death eraser it hit me. It was the same thing for all my other class different students were missing, I heard principal Ratchet mention the flu or mono. Just did not feel right.

Eraser still hanging from my mouth as I think of that day. Mind rush back to sitting in the back of the ambulance. Flashing blue and red light blur my vision only clear thing was KP looking like a superhero. His huge rough hands play in his hair as he let a huge breath out from his chiseled chest. Eyes darting back from the black bag and the sheriff. I was gonna speak but KP knows what is best and having me talk wasn’t it. Men stuck in his ways talking to the freak was never useful. The only words that came from his mouth addressed to me were,” Second time in a month you got something going on with you and these damn woods. You doing some witchcraft or something. Weird girl”. I chuckled under my breath at the joke he was. But he was right two times in a month this time I’m alone. No parents no reassurance. Blood mix with the dirt covers most of my clothes. KP didn’t mention much just that we saw the body out of nowhere. Not that it was still alive barley but alive not that it said anything just that it was dead when he checked. The next thing I remember was me in the bathtub still in my clothes as he cleans me off. Water was mix with soap water and dirt. I practically begged him to stay not to leave with tears rolling down my cheeks eyes red with fear and pain. With a kiss on the crown of my head, he promises me before carrying me to bed. We lay snuggled together his hands holding me tightly his hands and mine laying close to my heart. By the time the rosters call to wake up the night creatures, he was gone.

Bell took me out of my mind back into reality. Slowly grabbing my thing I rush out to my locker to see if Janet picks up the note I left. Peaking over my shoulder I shield myself as I put in her combo. With a tap it open with the note still there. SHIT JANET. Besides the creepy 3 words messages, I haven’t heard from her. Just had to focus today thing on Janet.

Corner of my eye I could see few people going towards the cafeteria. I swing my bag over my shoulder and ran off to the cafeteria. Even though my lunch period was for another two periods. Pushing through the sea of people looking for her. Crazy how classrooms were getting more and more empty but the cafeteria was getting more and more crowded. Pushing people who were waiting on the growing line to get food I look around for Janet. She has been having lunch during this period and her regular one with me for a month. Turning shoulders calling she was nowhere. FUCK.

My fresh white polish nails comb through my hair as I tried to remain calm. Closing my eyes I pray to the lords for help a sign. Anything to prove I’m not losing it once again. As I started to relax I could hear a noise a voice. Looking up I thank god before following the voice. Now before I explain to you what saw a person should know in this school I’m a freak I’m okay with it, I accept it, I celebrate my flawless in the eye of my peers. One of many things is my strict unorthodox eating habits. I have been called every word in every dictionary. Something I never wanna contribute to, Tiffany though is a 500 calories a day type of girl. Once someone gave her a regular coke and she beat the poor freshman right to ER. She screams Malibu Barbie with matching purse. Flawless. She Janet’s level flawless just with an eating disorder. This Tiffany if it wasn’t for the 5,000 purses and that annoying voice, this girl looks nothing like her. First, it was the fact all my years of knowing her she only wears a crop top and thong poking out now in size large sweater with purple unicorns and leggings, that she probably got from the local theft shop in town. I almost piss myself. Then was her plate. The fact she had a plate was a shocker. She had two things of chili fries, a sloppy Joe, and three pudding cups. Sipping from a BIG BOY slushie from the gas station down the road. Unknown to me I was currently in front of her table mouth open till one of her minions toss a fry at me.

“ Tiffany. Hey huh, Tiff” I said still unsure.

If I was shocked before when she turned to me made me beyond doubt stun. She had a ton of acne and her face look a bit puffy from her skeleton skin-tight face not so long ago.

“ What do you want? “ One of her minions ask as she was chewing on some sour union flavor chips.

“ Have you seen. Janet today? We got a project due tomorrow and I can’t find her” I said spit balling as went on.

They look at each other and giggle. Tiffany looks at the other and like that her mood change she sat up a bit more and turn to fully look at me. With her stain shirt and food on the corner of her mouth. She looks at me with hungry in her eyes with a quick lick around her smug lipstick lips grind at me.

“ Actually no we haven’t but we were gonna look for her. Hey, you got any Trippie on you” Tiffany said with joy and lust in those hazel eyes.

Step back and put a hand to my hip. I look at her as she waited for my answer. This gosh darn drug again. The reason why I and Janet been at odds, to begin with.

“ No. I don’t take that stuff. Tried Popi. She the one who had it in the 1st place. You haven’t seen her she usually here with you during lunch” I pressed. Look of doubt of cross all four girls face. Who was spotting a similar appearance to their leader?

“ Come on. Smith your join to the fuckin hip. You must know where we can find her or some of the drugs. We ran out quicker then we wanted to. Takes longer to get it up. Help us. We do anything. Tell Janet we are willing to do anything “ Zoe said grabbing tight to my wrist. Her grip was airtight that I felt the pressure. Almost like how it was with Janet that last time. Same look in the eyes too.

Pulling away from her grip with all my might I stumble back. I look at the girls as their expressions started to change to a dead zone look in their eyes. Like they were on something. My mouth became dry my brain ache from thoughts that were running through my head. My eyes darted from one to another to another.

“ Lik-”

Tiffany ignore me and started to laugh after taking a few more bites of her sandwich. Drops of it left on her shirt one just by the corner of her mouth.

“ She not gonna tell us. She wants it all to her self. It’s fine we figure it out we are not selfish people” Tiffany said laughing between each chew. I clench my jaw till I felt something swooshing in my mouth a bitter taste.

“ Like I said. I don’t take that stuff. I care what goes in my body and I don’t trust it” I said before turning to leave. I got a few steps in before I heard more laughter. I stop and chuckle to myself what was so funny. Sound like she was mumbling something. “Excuse me” I said turning back around.

“ You know what. Why did I even ask you? Face it. Without that candy eye boy toy or your American pie girlfriend you nothing but a fuckin virgin who can even drive. Your nothing only thing you were made to do was to worship and praise others. Look at you Janet doesn’t give you any attention finally realize what dead weight you are and left you. I bet it hurts knowing that you are nothing. EVERYONE LEAVES YOU. But you are one thing. Very good at if I may say. Being a pathetic bitch. Roof roof” Tiffany said with a smile on her face and a wheeze of a laugh. I hated her I know I should not but I did. Hated that she was mostly right I hate that I let this get to me and most of all I hated I was entertaining it. It was too late I felt the tears in my eyes. So I did the only thing left to do and that was to mirror her. Show who she was I am good at pretending so much so I don’t know if my mind grew up with my body.

“ Funny you say that. Because the only thing I see is a bunch of mystery meat slops of shit. Yeah, you almost was right but you forgot about one thing. Tiffany, I’m not someone bitch I am the mother fucking animal control. I round up all those rodents pest and I put them down. Don’t test me, ugly soul. Because next time I put you down maybe just maybe finally allow your groupies some air to think for once” I said got closer to her till I was nose to nose.

Taking my thumb I gently clean her of the sloppy Joe that settles on the corner of her mouth before rubbing it on her shoulder. A smile with victory as she remains silent from my death stare. Lips cover in raspberry flavor organic lip-gloss roll off a bit from my tongue as I move it across. Stepping back I flip up my middle finger high in the air and turn around probably too quick because next thing I know something pulls me close and punches me square in the face knocking me slow motion down to the ground. Light flicker a bit before with rainbows and glitter before it all fades to black.

Drips of water fell down my forehead. The buzzing was the first thing that caught my attention, the buzz from a circle ceiling light with a cool white tent. Buzz hypnotize me Mumbling back noise stop but my eyes remained on a poor dead fly t stuck in the filter.

" Oh, Ms. Smith you awake. That was a nasty fall. I will be back in a second" Nurse Jane called out.

The nurse’s office like this fly in a black hole stuck in the 1950s with a wall of fame for Nurse Jane prize dog. Yup, Mr. Fuzzy Bear. Elvis Presley played in the background. I look at the wall Mr. Fuzzy Bear look completely different then dog I saw a few weeks ago. Tap on the shoulder shocks me to the core as I scream out and throw the now baggie of water into the floor by my converse. Hands shake with fear my breathing getting shorter as I hold onto the wall of trophies. Trying and failing to catch my breath. Another tap sent me to the floor crawling to the corner covering my ears and tried to control my breathing.

" Oh, I'm sorry. Ms. Smith. I was seeing if you were okay. Sit here let me get you some water" Nurse Jane said. I could smell whiskey on her breath as she spoke to me. Mix with the cheap drug store perfume they sale but no one brought due to the reaction most got.

Looking up I watch as she walks off. She had far to much hair spray that perfect her scoop with a white daisy in her hair and the white long sleeve white nurse uniform. My eyes went back to the daisy I study flowers out of boredom and that one something was off. Slowly getting to my feet I follow her to the front till I stop and see the puddle I felt. CRAB CAKES I said to myself as I got on my knees to clean up my mess.

“ That’s a new daisy huh Mrs. Cruise. Might need to clip a few and add it to the garden” I said

“ Oh, this little old thing. My little boy was playing out in the fields and found some. Next to this strange patch of grass. Probably weed. Anyway, it was the prettiest thing I have seen had to cut one of myself. But don’t let your self eat it. My poor baby eats some and well that how he ends up going to see you” She said handing out a can for the trash.

“ How is little guy anyway. Not eating any more chocolate or flowers I hope” I asked dusting off my rip denim jeans.

She looks at me strange her head tilt to the side hair staying in place. A huge grind plaster on that clown-like makeup face.

“ Smith. My baby has been with you all this week. I took my little fuzzy home and he started to act like he was from the wild. Brought him back so the good lord of a doctor can make him all better” Jane said.

I wanted to laugh because last I check he wasn’t there. Words stayed at top of my tongue. My eyes dart to her and the wall of trophies back to her.

“ Oh yeah. Ethan got hurt had to get someone over from next town over. Sure he is back to the cute button he always is in no time. If I may ask because well new doc might make a fuss where was this planet at” I asked.

“ Well, I was on my daily work out power walk so mmmm somewhere by the old wooden bridge in Lovers. Such a pretty sight” Jane said. Before I can speak the phone rang. I slipped out as she turns to answer it.

I look in my hand was the white tissue with the daisy I snatch off of her. Something was off. Maybe if Janet didn’t want to tell me I figure it out myself. Something was wrong and I attend to figure it out one way or another. The first stop was to work.

Most don’t know because my family likes to keep it hush back before Ethan came into town my dad family own Easter Hills Animal Hospital for over 60 years. Still does as a private owner. Ethan was like the fun aunt and each time I had nowhere to go she would sit me on the desk and teach me things. The first animal I cut open was a raccoon at the age of 7 with Ethan of course helping me every step of the way.

Lights in the hallway were dim fluorescent lights. With my phone in my hand, I tap on the flashlight and slowly walk into the back. Maybe I can check a few of the animals and the daisy I snatch to see if anything was similar. BING BING I glance down to my notifications to see a text from KP. Asking me if I am okay. I cared about him but there was too much at state. I need to know. Call it a hunch.

It smells like trash and cleaning supplies for some reason. Like the hardcore, stuff police use to clean a crime scene. I should know each night I clean the operation rooms and front area. The stuff we use was the general store brand. And it smells and looks too perfect. The new vet hasn’t arrived yet, so who did this? The keys dangle from my left hand hitting me as I walk down to the back where the files would be at. I just had to check to see if the dog was still here. As I got close something wasn’t right. There was a brand new lock on the door. I was here not so long ago this heavy-duty lock wasn’t here. Clipping the keys to my hip I glance around before I tried to jiggle at the lock. No luck. Looking around I tried to think on my feet. Shit. Lending against the wall I see a light on in Ethan office. Alright, that can work. Pocketing my phone in my back pocket. I sneak into her office.

The walls were cover in wine red wallpaper with cherry dark chocolate wood floors. Her office looks nothing like the one you would assume a veterinarian office would look like. Everything from the desk to the chairs was expensive something Ethan insisted. There was a black bookshelf that lay against the wall with matching black gold nods desk. Chairs that were a whopping 2,000 each sat perfectly insight. Awards plastered on another wall with pictures of her many accomplishments. She looks print-ready perfect. Along with all her pictures was one in the corner row of her with my parents when I was younger. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The first day she started almost 10 years ago. She had a short boy cut with dyed blonde hair that made her features pop. I didn’t know much about beauty but she and my mother are what I imagine. Most look at Mona Lisa or Marvel statue for reference me I had two prime examples just for myself to see each day. Kinda like what I felt when I saw KP for 1st time 6 years ago. For so many years I was lost in the woods unable in away to find my way home. At first, it was Ethan and Janet who hold me close then shortly KP.

A loud bing drum though my ears. Clinching onto my ears I start to breathe again. Calming myself before I slip again. I had to focus. My eyes gaze to the computer. Ethan was many things but OCD was one. She always had copies full of details. I couldn’t get into the back room but maybe this could work. I rush over almost knocking over a picture of Ethan's two older daughters to the desk. Shaking the mouse I wait till the computer comes alive. My left hand cradling my face biting my thumbnail. Taste is nail polish with taste funny but I chew and spit it out without thought. CRAP. Password. Taking my hand away I tap the keyboard. It could be an endless list of it could be one. Sitting back in the plush comfy desk chair lean back and rock back and forth. Great way to putting all those AP and college courses to good use I thought to myself. Tapping my sneakers against the wood floor I loosen my messy bun and run my fingers through my hair. My ring KP gave me tangle through my hair. I stop thinking and reach to type something in quickly. WINE. Nope, crap. Pulling out the draws I look around for something. A hint clue maybe like many older people password somewhere.

While her office was perfect these draws were nothing like it may be the OCD part was probably the wrong word. It had five draws: 1st had simple office supplies and a pill bottle of viagra, 2nd had appointment book and business card old open bag of photo chips, 3rd had a prepaid phone, key to the safe, and thing of condoms. 4th one had a bottle of cheap whiskey, two glasses, and a few files full of pictures and post it’s. The draw in the center didn’t budge. Feeling around the smooth polish surface I felt something off. Stretching down a bit more I felt it. A huge grin spread across my face as I grab and quickly tried to open the back door with it. Still, it did not budge. Running back I did not see the front door was wide open letting in a cool breeze. Driven by excited I tried for the desk draw and heard a click. Opening it. I saw a phone book and a journal and right on the front corner in a bright pink post-it was the password: 2HOT4THISISH.

My laughter was cut short when I heard heavy foot shuffling outside the crack door. I pause and tried to figure my next move. With my eyes on the door, I quickly shove the papers from the files in my bag. The journal replacing it with a book another that was on the table and putting everything back to what it was. Before I could slip out the door open with a loud creak sound. Panic took over and I quickly bundled tight under the desk with my legs squeeze tight to my chest a gentle rock not make a sound. I could hear wheezing. My eyes were full of tears as I tried not to panic. Who could it be? My eyes drift off to the side and I could see a pair of Black Jimmy Choo nearly 3 feet from my hand. I quickly move it and watch the shoes. It was there for another 10 maybe 15 minutes before I heard a rattle of keys and shoes walk away. Towards the end hallway I heard some more noise but this time it was from the back door I tried to open earlier. Whoever it was the person did whatever to the lock.

I jolt awake from the sound of my phone going off. I glanced down to see it was KP. And it was going at 11 o’clock. Fudge I slowly got up from the floor and sat in the chair.

“ Hey baby I’m so sorry I got lost in my work and fell asleep” I said rubbing my eyes.

I could hear a deep breath in and I could imagine he was rubbing his forehead with a thick strong finger.

“ Sweetie. You had me worried. I had to hear from someone else you got in a fight with that toothpick girl. Tiffany something. Why didn’t you call me” he asked with a bit ignored.

I look around at the office and back at the computer it was still on. I rest the phone in the crook of my neck and type in the password.

“ I know I didn’t want you to worry. I’m sorry. I should have told you. Do you wanna snuggle tonight Phillip. We can snuggle and I can give you kitty licks or something” I said trying to get him to lighten up. The home screen came up. There was normal stuff internet, virus protection filed, a few others. As I waited I click on to each and look to see what I can find.

“ Oh really. You know I love your kitty licks Issac. I gotta stay in late today probably till about 2 in the morning. But I can still come over. For some snuggle, if the offer still open” KP tease.

My smile drops when I saw something I didn’t mean to click. It had pictures and pdf of things I never have seen before. I hold the clicker to print everything out.

“ Of course. You know where the key is. Just bring some milk if you come. Mr. Cereal cruncher uses the last bit the other day” I said with a giggle.

“ Will do. Sorry I been distant. Perks of small ass town are not many folks to call if there a crisis. I never get how a town of 203 people can have a police unit of 12 people which includes the old man club who just sleeps in the police car. One day this mentality gonna bit them in the ass baby. Baby are you still there” KP asked.

I wasn’t listening but instead reading what I found. It was my reports I send for. For the drug, dog, and something unknown. I glance at the date and it was of a few days ago. Each had this strange code at the end of each page.

“ I’m sorry about that honey. You know this town stuck in time. I know things are hectic with you. I wish I could make it perfect like the way you are. But I can only be your snuggle bunny and talk to you and be here for you” I said packing my bag and looking some more.

“ That’s all I ask for baby. My beautiful snuggle bunny. God your -“ KP stop talking and shot out to someone. “ Huh. I gotta go another fuck up animal. Just pop up by lover lane” KP said disappointed.

“ It’s okay. Hey, hasn’t it been a lot of that lately? We don’t get those anymore. You cheating on me with another animal lover” I teased. It was silent only I could hear was a deep breath from the other line.

“ I am joking. I’m gonna be wearing your favorite plaid shirt to sleep. I love you. Stay safe for me please” I said in a mouse-like whisper.

I need this stuff. Looking in my bag I pull out my key chain for my USB drive. I looked around before plugin it in and copying all the files. As it got to 100% I quickly unplugged it and fix everything to was before I came. My bike was a half-mile away hiding behind trees and some branches. Midnight sky dance high. Times like this I would stop and lay on the road and look up now I’m filled with this void. This feeling was creeping from the corner of my eyesight. Feeling of claws pulling at your flesh. Ahead I could see some birds flying south. A huge flock like it was on my date. They always know I wish I could just have left with KP and not look back. Even with that would I be escaping the danger or welcoming another.

I sat Indian style on the floor with a pencil in my bun and a yellow highlighter in my mouth. Looking over the papers and files scattered across. The more I read more I could tell something wasn’t right.

“ Baby why are you up ?” a voice said for behind me. I jump up almost choking on the highlighter falling in the papers behind me.

KP stood tall with his sleeve rolled up to show his god-like muscle hairstyle slick back looking like a Ken doll.

“ Sorry homework” I said looking up to him. He chuckled and bend down on one knee to get a better look at me. He took my hand and slowly help me up in. I could smell the coffee from his breath mix with some gum. He smokes even though I told him how much I hated it. More he smokes a brand that not even available anymore. Which made me madder at the money he spent.

“ You know you keep it up with the donuts and cigarettes your not gonna be able to promise me that forever. Mister” I said with a bent brow at him.

With a finger, he played with my hair a bit before meeting my eyes. Sweet sparkle that makes anyone weak to the knees and a smile to match. Coming closer he kisses me with such hunger. I reach for the back of his neck to help me out as I deepen the kiss. Til I taste the cigarette and stop.

“ No kisses till you brush your teeth. Yucky “ I giggle in his neck. My hands still playing with his neck hair. His hands move further down my back till it reaches my rear.

“ But I’m sleepy. I don’t wanna. You said you are my snuggle bunny” He said with his puppy eyes. I hit his rock hard chest playfully before pushing myself backs away from him laying on top of the papers so he couldn't see it.

“ And we will when you brush your teeth. Or you can quite” I said with a fake shock face.

He laughs and walks to the bathroom join to my bedroom. I turn to watch as he walks off. God his butt was a thing of beauty.

“ What type of work are you doing “ He asked from the bathroom.

I slowly got up when I heard the water and quickly move all the papers and shove them in my bag.

“ Research paper for history. You know how Mr. Burns is a pain in my buttocks “ I said checking around for anything else.

KP wall out with a mouth full of mouthwash gave me his serious look. I walk over to a bin under my bed full of some clothes for him and toss him over some sweatpants. Getting under my blankets I waited for him to come out. My cell started to ring from my bedside table. Reaching for it I answered it and walk out to the hallway.

“ Janet is that you. God, I have been worried” I whisper into the phone. Nothing.

“ I forgot you quite. Tiffany came at me looking for you. Be proud I told her off” I laughed. Still nothing.

“ If you are in trouble I can help. And hey if it’s something legal then fuck it. You are my friend I can talk to KP. He here..hello” the phone click and I heard a dial tone.

“ Who was that” KP asked standing in the doorway arms cross over each other.

“ Janet. She has been calling and saying nothing. I’m worried “ I said looking up to him. He pushes himself off and wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight. Tears fell onto his bare chest.

Master of Puppets began to blur though the tiny radio. Fiddling around I press onto the snooze buttons. KP was still sound asleep with his arms wrap around my small of my abdomen. Head in the crook of my neck snoring. I glance back and kiss his forehead smiling. The clock read blink 6:03. Taking his hand I slowly ease myself out of the embrace and out of bed. He snuggled into my pillow and started to snore once more. Flipping my alarm off grab my outfit I had plan night before and headed into the bathroom.

It still early so I decide to open the windows to let some fresh air in. After a few minutes, I hop in. I scrub some shampoo in my hair and hum this morning song to myself. I reach back and let the water hit my face run down to the rest of my body. Taking the dirt and worried away. A cheep cheep stops me as I tried to figure out what it was taking out last bit of conditioner. I felt something coming around me then more cheep cheep. I wipe my eyes to my surprise I saw a bird no five maybe more in the shower with me. I tried to move but more I did more they attack me two in my hair other hitting me with its wings. My breathing started to fall short as panic set it. I tried not to scream thinking to all the safety videos I would watch growing up but it didn’t work. I tried pushing away shooing them but still nothing. The anxiety got so bad that after trying to hold it in I scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. They kept attacking me this time pecking me over and over. Taking my hands I tried to push then away. Still, they came after me. I grab for the shower curtain tight trying to find some escape. AHHHHHHHHHHHHELP. With one last scream, the curtain I was holding onto with my dear life suddenly gave. Suddenly everything faded to black. The only thing I could hear was the birds still chirping.

31 notes · View notes

eeveedel · 4 years

Text

chubby actor louis (pt 2)

What up SINNERS. So sorry I missed last week, I hope you still enjoy this lil baby that’s a coutinuation of my very questionable and self indulgent new series. I’m hoping to do at least two more installments a little later.

please note this fic deal with weight gain kink/fetish. it is heavy on food and weight talk. if any of that content bothers or triggers you, this will not be the story for you. also contains some sexual content!

very unedited bc words are fake anyways.

part 1 here

“Do I have to? This is the worst part.”

Louis was standing in the bathroom in just his briefs, Harry standing patiently next to him. And while he had taken his clothes off in front of Harry countless times, including when he started this whole thing, he somehow felt more naked now. He was acutely aware of his body, how his belly was doughy and swelled forward, how his legs had softened, and how his ass had grown, making his underwear tight. And he was just getting started.

“Come on, love, hop on,” Harry said gently, “I just wanna see where we’re starting, that’s all.”

One of the first things Harry had requested when he agreed to help Louis was that they were going to start weighing Louis every two days, rather than at the end of every week like Louis had been doing. He said it was important to keep track of this kind of thing so they could set goals for every day, and while Louis knew he had a point, he hated doing it in front of Harry. It was one thing to see the numbers rise on his own, but to do it in front of his boyfriend felt too personal and a little embarrassing. He wasn’t sure if Harry being into it made the situation better or worse.

Louis sighed and finally stepped onto the scale. He tried to relax his posture, letting his spine slouch a little and his arms swing loosely, like it would make a difference. The machine under his feet worked quickly, the display only blinking for a few seconds before it settled on one number.

“163,” Harry read out.

“Yes, I can read,” Louis said.

Harry laughed weakly, and out of the corner of his eye Louis saw him getting his phone out. He was opening his notes app, typing something in.

“So, by shooting time, you need to be at 178,” Harry said, “We can do that.”

Louis’s stomach fluttered a bit at “we,” the sign of Harry’s unquestioning presence on this weird project.

Harry had been around for plenty of Louis’s odd roles. He had helped Louis memorize a fake sci fi language for an outer space thriller, taken him to the air and space museum for hours while Louis took notes prepping to play an astronaut. and once had indulged Louis in a month of candlelit rooms and no Internet while he got ready for a drama set in Amish country. Harry had proved time and time again he was willing to help with whatever Louis’s very weird job required. But this felt different. Not least of all because Harry had never exactly been turned on by Louis’s role prep before.

“You can step off, baby,” Harry said gently.

Louis blinked, realizing he must have been there for away, and then stepped off the scale, watching it go back down to zero.

He stared at it for a long moment, and then felt Harry’s hand on his shoulder, giving him a squeeze.

“I can put lunch on,” Harry said, “Would that be okay? To eat something right now?”

Louis looked down at his stomach and put a cautious hand on it, squeezing the softness underneath his skin.

“I mean,” he said, “I guess we have to get there at some point.”

Louis really wished he had taken Harry up on his offer to cook for him earlier.

He was well aware Harry was an amazing cook – he made roasted vegetables and salmon three days a week taste incredible – but it was so different to see Harry cooking when he was not prohibited by a strict diet code.

New kitchen contraptions started appearing at their first door in express shipping packages – a breakfast maker, waffle makers, a panini press, an air fryer and then an actual deep fryer. Harry always told Louis to not worry about planning anything, he would take care of it, and Louis could just tell if he was craving anything. Louis was grateful for the relief – he had to memorize his lines by the end of the month and was already had enough to think about.

So he sat at the couch, or at his office upstairs, and Harry’s new creations kept arriving in front of him. Full English breakfasts with fried eggs and gravy-soaked sausages, mashed potatoes swimming in a small sea of butter, bacon and four-cheese grilled cheeses, mint chocolate chip milkshakes with chocolate and caramel syrup drizzled over a little hill of whipped cream. Harry presented each of them with a smile and a kiss to the top of Louis’s head or his cheek, and gave Louis the most brilliant grin when Louis brought down his empty dishes an hour later.

“Did you like it?” he asked, and would nod eagerly as Louis offered his thoughts.

Long lists of new recipes appeared on their fridge door, and Louis woke up a lot of days to see a slice of cheesecake wrapped in plastic in their fridge, or some waffle cut fries in tin foil, with a note on it telling him to eat it whenever he felt hungry.

And Louis did. It made him happy to eat Harry’s food, to see him smile, and also, it was just damn delicious.

By the end of his first week of Harry feeding him, he had gained another three pounds, something that made Harry grin and reward Louis with a plate of nachos, covered in melted cheddar and mozzarella, crumbled beef, and salsa.

“We still have awhile to go,” Louis said, squinting at Harry as he brought another cheese-soaked chip to his mouth, “Don’t be too proud of yourself.”

Harry sat across from him at the counter and he just smiled again, his eyes flicking between the plate in front of Louis and his mouth.

“I think we can manage,” Harry said, “I’ll provide the food, you just put in the effort.”

“I am putting in effort, you dick,” Louis huffed, picking up another chip. He took extra care to dare it through a pool of cheese at the edge of the plate, “You think I’m not?”

Harry shrugged, and Louis recognized the little glint behind his eyes. He was angling for Louis’s competitive side, and fuck if he wasn’t doing a good job of it.

Louis picked up two chips, once again trying to drag them in the toppings so he had as much as possible balanced on them before he shoved them into his mouth.

“Don’t choke,” Harry said mildly.

“Don’t be an ass and just get me some soda,” Louis huffed.

Harry smiled and went to their fridge, getting out a two-liter of Coke. Regular-ass, non-diet Coke. He didn’t even pour it into a glass. Louis just unscrewed the top and sipped.

“I’m going to finish this,” Louis said firmly, “Just so you know.”

“Okay,” Harry said, and his mouth twitched at the corner.

Louis put his head down and focused on putting chips and cheese into his mouth. It was greasy as hell, and salty, and he felt his head going a little fuzzy from the combination of all of it alongside the liquid sugar he had already sucked down.

He kept eating until his fingers were shiny and his slick felt slick with grease, and he reached down to move the elastic of his sweatpants under the curve of his belly, giving it more room.

“You okay?” Harry said, and Louis thought he detected interest in his voice.

“I’m great,” Louis answered, picking up the soda again. He hiccupped weakly as he swallowed it down.

“These are good,” Louis said as he picked up more food. The chips at the bottom were nearly soaked through in grease, and he eagerly shoved them into his mouth. “You should make these more often.”

“I will,” Harry said. Louis could hear his voice was getting a little thin at the edges.

Louis picked up two more chips, eating them at the same time.

“If you eat all of that I’ll eat you out for half an hour,” Harry blurted out.

Louis arched his brow and put another chip in his mouth.

“I don’t know,” he said slowly, “My belly’s kind of full. I probably can’t lay down flat. You’re going to have to roll me onto my side.”

He rubbed his stomach as he said it, and he felt the grease on his fingers rub off on his shirt as he did.

Harry stared down and then back up, and he folded his arms and leaned forward.

“Louis,” Harry drawled, “Honey. You better eat those fucking nachos or I will lose my mind.”

Louis just smiled in return, and scooped up a chip entirely covered in cheese, taking his time biting into it.

He finished the nachos.

Louis understood that eventually it was going to happen. He knew the consequences of gaining what was now officially twenty-two pounds.

Still, after two weeks of Harry’s cooking, he was not exactly happy when he was trying to put on what used to be his affectionally named “fat jeans” and they couldn’t go over his ass.

He stood in their room, jumping feebly on his toes and tugging, but they wouldn’t go up. The denim hugged too tightly against his thighs, the skin of his legs bulging out just a bit, and the edge of the waistband kept cuffing his ass. It didn’t help his underwear were also a bit tight, and they kept wanting to move inward and get trapped between his cheeks.

“Harry!” he shouted, because what the hell else was he going to do.

Harry arrived in the doorway of their room a few minutes later, and he just stared, his mouth wide.

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah, yeah, oh my god,” Louis huffed, “I swear to god these just fit. But you had to go and put heavy cream in my coffee like a psychopath.”

“You liked it. A lot,” Harry said passively, “So. You want to go to the mall, get some new clothes?”

Louis looked up at him, his eyes wide and his hands still gripped on the useless flaps of his pants.

“You want me to go out in public right now?”

“We’ll go in the back way,” Harry shrugged, “And you can wear sunglasses. And a hat.”

“Oh, brilliant disguise ideas from my fashion designer boyfriend here.”

He ducked his head again and pulled on his jeans again, but it wasn’t doing anything. If anything the edge of the denim was chafing his ass.

“Can’t you just fix these for me? Isn’t letting things out part of your job?” Louis asked, gesturing to his jeans.

“I could,” Harry allowed, “But if you’re going to lose the weight later you’ll want your old clothes.”

“Fuck, you’re right,” Louis said. He yanked his pants off, kicking them hard to get the blasted things off his ankles. Then he huffed angrily, dragging a hand through his hair. “Shit, I just – I really don’t want to go out in public right now, that’s all.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Harry said, “No one is going to recognize you.”

“I’m insulted,” Louis said, “Do you know how famous I am? Do you know how many Teen’s Choice awards are in our spare room?”

“Yes, I know,” Harry chuckled, “But babe…you don’t exactly look like yourself right now.”

Louis frowned, and lifted his head. He shuffled forward to the big mirror on the inside of his closet door and looked up.

And fuck, Harry was right. He didn’t really look like himself. He hadn’t shaved in a while, for one, and his hair was a little longer. But his face was puffy, his cheekbones covered with round cheeks that pushed up, making his eyes look smaller. His thighs were wide and soft, only a little bit of his old muscles visible. When he turned he could see his ass had grown and widened, and while it used to be round and firm from his tireless squat routine, it was just…soft now. And he had a proper belly, not the tiny bit of bloating he used to get sometimes, but a proper one that puffed out and felt heavy on his core.

The man everyone was expecting when Louis went out in public wasn’t here now.

“You’re right,” he sighed, and put his hands on his hips. “Let’s go shopping.”

They went to a mall a little outside of the city limits, which was pretty empty for the time being.

Louis hadn’t been clothes shopping in a while, but luckily Harry was always out and about, picking up new things to cut up and sew back together, so he immediately picked some stores to go to.

They went to a men’s’ clothing shop, and Harry looked through the racks with great focus, picking up some jeans and shirts and slinging them over his arm.

“I’ll get you a few sizes,” Harry said, “Remember, you don’t want them too tight. You need a little room to grow.”

The expression coming from Harry’s mouth made Louis’s face burn, and he just followed his boyfriend wordlessly as he plucked up different garments.

They spent a little too long for Louis’s liking in the dressing room, but it went okay, all things considered. He got a few new pairs of jeans, several new t-shirts, a new flannel shirt and a new sweater. Harry encouraged through all of it, giving him kisses and telling him how well the clothes showed off his curves, but after awhile, Louis grew tired of wriggling in and out of new pants and asked if they could stop. Harry just nodded. whipped out his credit card, and told Louis he would pay for both the clothes and their lunch.

Of course, it went without saying that Harry was also going to pick the location, which was how they ended up in an All-American buffet.

Louis was sitting in a darker, more secluded corner of the dining area, in a sticky fake leather booth. The walls around him were painted with scenes of the wild west, cowboys and horses. He had a huge tumbler of orange soda in front of him, which he kept picking up and sipping at as he waited for Harry to return from picking out his meal. He was admittedly a little hungry, so he was kind of looking forward for whatever Harry was getting him.

What he did expect was Harry nearly skipping back to the table, two plates in his hands and two perfectly balanced on his forearms, all of them loaded down with food.

He set them all down in front of Louis with a smile, and Louis just stared at him, his mouth gaping.

“How – “ Louis sputtered, “How did you even carry all of that?”

“I was a waiter before you met me. You know this,” Harry said, “Now dig in, I’m going to get myself.”

He turned, then, heading back to the lines of food, and Louis took in what Harry had picked for him.

On one plate there was a large cheeseburger, loaded with with several slices of bacon, and a generous serving of crinkle-cut fries. On the next there were ribs soaking in barbeque sauce and a side of mac and cheese, the cheese nearly orange and the pasta covered in golden breadcrumbs. Then there was a big plate of cheesy scrambled eggs and two sausages, and then the last was loaded with three big cinnamon rolls dripping with white icing.

Louis was still staring at it all when Harry came back to the table, carrying a bowl of salad and another bowl full of salad for himself.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, then his face fell, “Shit, I’m sorry is that too much for you? I’m sorry. I just got excited.”

“No, it’s okay,” Louis said quietly, “Um. Is it okay if I don’t finish all of it? It’s just so much.”

“That’s fine,” Harry said quickly, “I just wanted to get you plenty. Take your time.”

“Okay,” Louis nodded, then smiled, “This really does look so good, thank you.”

Harry gave him another warm look, and that was enough for Louis to get started. He picked up some ribs, holding them delicately, and took some bites. The meat was tender and came apart easily, and the sauce was delicious, sweet and thick. He nodded happily and took more bites, feeling some sauce collect on his lips.

“You’re so cute when you eat,” Harry said across the table, and Louis blushed.

He polished off his ribs, the weight of the food hot and pleasant in his belly. He wiped off his mouth and fingers as best he could, and then picked up a fork and went for the mac and cheese. It was rich, creamy and salty and tasting like sharp cheddar. He ate it embarrassingly fast, the pasta quickly disappearing into his mouth.

“That’s so good,” he said, and picked up his soda to shallow it down. He wasn’t hungry anymore, but he certainly wasn’t full. So he went for the eggs. It was a nice compliment to the mac and cheese, more cheese, more salt, a light, fluffy texture. He ate it in little bites, licking his lips at how salty it was.

“I’m gonna be so bloated after this,” Louis said as he picked up his soda and took a long drink. Harry didn’t say anything, but Louis did notice he had stopped picking up the fork for his salad, instead watching Louis.

The eggs were so good, soft on his tongue, and he felt himself going fuzzy from the salt and the weight in his stomach. Half the plate was still in front of him, and he was definitely getting full now, and he told Harry he didn’t have to finish all of it. He could throw up a white flag right now.

But the rest of the food looked so good, and Harry watching him intently. And…what was going to happen to him, really? He was going to get bigger? He needed to get bigger. It was fine.

So, with several more forkfuls lifted to his lips, he finished his eggs.

He set down the fork with a distinct little click, and Harry leaned forward.

“Hey, you did really good, thank you – “

But Louis was picking up his cheeseburger He took a big bite, keeping his eyes locked on Harry, who blinked at him.

“You – “ Harry swallowed, “I – “

Louis smirked as he as swallowed. His mouth tasted like salt and grease, and he went in for another bite. He moaned a little, and Harry didn’t move, didn’t even close his mouth.

He shouldn’t be doing this. His stomach was tight, and he could feel the elastic of his sweatpants pushing out, cutting in. Fuck, he was going to have to buy new sweatpants soon. His body wasn’t used to this, it was used to constant exercise and juice cleanses.

The mere thought of it made Louis eat another bite with more zeal, really tearing it and chewing hard. He didn’t realize how tired of that he was until now.

The burger was delicious, and he felt a wet bit of grease run down his chin. Jesus fuck, it was literally leaking with fat, and he was eating it happily.

He ate fast, so fast he couldn’t pay too much attention to his protesting stomach. He polished the burger off and didn’t even wipe his mouth as he picked at the fries, grabbing multiple at once.

“You know how in every fucking interview I do for movies, they ask me about my preparation?” Louis said to Harry, “Imagine this one. ‘Louis, you had to gain thirty pounds for this role. And we hear you didn’t even have that much time to do it. How did that happen?’ And I’ll get to say, ‘well, my boyfriend stuffed me every day for weeks at a time and got a boner doing it, so it was easy.’”

He shoved the fries in his mouth and was already picking up another handful and dunking it in ketchup as he chewed. He barely swallowed before he was eating more.

His stomach was aching now, and he groaned, pushing down the painful elastic on his pants, but it still felt tight around his hips.

“We – oof, we should go back for some new sweatpants, babe. Gonna fuckin’ bust these soon.”

He picked up more fries, and he was acutely aware of how Harry was staring him down, his food abandoned, his eyes dark.

Louis’s body was hot from head to toe, and he was sweating a little, but he couldn’t tell if that was from the effort his meal was taking out of him or from how Harry was looking at him.

But he felt something else shift as he polished off his fries and shoved the plate away, seeking out more of his soda.

He thought he was imagining it, but as he dragged the plate of cinnamon rolls closer to himself, the plate scraping loudly on the table, he knew he was right.

He was hard.

He was in a mall buffet and he was getting a hard on from stuffing his face.

He didn’t know how to handle that. So he picked up a cinnamon roll instead.

It was pure carbs, heavy, the icing sticky and all sugar, and it made his brain buzz and his eyes flutter closed. He shoved the pastry into his mouth hard, forcing himself to chew. His belly gave an unhappy little gurgle, but his cock was happy, and his boyfriend looked ready to pounce, so he kept chewing.

He finished one of the rolls with a pant, setting both hands on his stomach. He smeared grease and icing on the fabric of his hoodie, and he sighed. He rubbed his hands over his belly, round and hard, the fabric of his sweatshirt pulled tight over it. He pulled it up, over the hill of his stomach. His shirt had already ridden up, and there he was, his stomach hanging out in public, as he grabbed for another roll.

Harry was nearly foaming at the mouth, and Louis ate the cinnamon roll in small but eager bites. He felt icing smear on his mouth and he didn’t bother to fix it. He was sweating and blushing and his dick was hard in public and none of it mattered.

The roll was gone soon, and he stuck his fingers in his mouth, sucking off the icing. He slumped in the booth and then picked up the last roll, his white fucking whale. He tipped back his head and opened his mouth and shoved nearly half of it in. He focused hard on the taste of it. Fluffy bread, cinnamon, honey, pure sugar. His mouth was lazy as it chewed, as if even his tongue was sick of his ordeal, but he swallowed it down none the less. He had to keep shifting his hips, trying to keep his belly happy, but it was no use. It was pissed at him. But Louis had half a cinnamon roll left.

He shoved it in his mouth in one bite, his cheeks bulging as he chewed and chewed, squeezing his eyes tightly as his throat worked, trying to swallow it down.

Soon, it was done, and for his last stupid act, Louis reached for his soda, tipped the glass, and chugged until it was empty.

When it was done he slammed it on the table and panted, clutching his stomach and staring at Harry, who was already standing.

“Get me home right now and fuck me,” Louis said, his voice weak.

Harry nodded and reached down, guiding Louis up to his feet. He pulled his sweatshirt down and then stared at the obvious bulge in Louis’s pants, and then looked up with even wider eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, looks like you’re not the only one who’s into this,” Louis snapped, then wheezed again, setting a hand on his stomach, “Fuck, help me waddle the hell out of here, you bastard.”

Harry surged forward, kissing Louis hard, and then pulled back, wrapping a protective arm around him and helped Louis walk, slowly but surely, to the exit.

Somehow, as they got to the door, Louis found the energy to lean in and kiss under Harry’s ear, then whisper to him.

“Eight more pounds, baby.”

#drabbles #chubby actor #larry fanfiction #larry fan fic #larry fic

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mentalpushups · 4 years

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This list could easily be 100 items long, but I could only fit so many here- so here are some of my top tips.

1) The single most important rule: you need to be in a caloric deficit to lose weight. You can drink all the fit tea in the world and wear a waist slimmer 24/7, but they’re not going to do anything for you. Caloric. Deficit. Always.

2) No food is ever off limits. You can eat ice cream or cookies or cake AND lose weight. As long as you eat mostly healthy and your calories are in check, no single food is ever going to derail you. You don’t need to deprive yourself or be miserable.

3) The answer to the question “how much fat should I eat” is impossible for someone to answer for you. There are guidelines we can use, but these exact numbers vary. Find what works best for you.

4) Every day is not going to be perfect. And that’s okay- they don’t need to be. You can always get back on track.

5) There are no secret tricks to meal timing. Intermittent fasting works for people because it helps them keep their calories low. At the end of the day, the timing of when you eat does not matter.

6) Don’t chase quick results. Trying to crash diet and dropping your calories down an insane amount is not only going to make you feel terrible, but it’s going to make your weight loss journey even more difficult. Take it slow, I promise it will be worth it.

7) You don’t need to do any extra cardio to lose weight. Cardio can help you achieve a deficit, but as long as your calories are in check, you don’t need to spend hours on the treadmill if you hate it.

There are certainly other things we can add here- anything you’d add?

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1003

survey by --rainboweyes--

When you think of this country, what first comes to your mind?

Argentina: We have a local brand of canned corned beef called Argentina, so instead of the country I immediately thought of that food. But if I really have to connect this to the country, I also remembered a wrestler called Giant Gonzales; he hailed from Argentina.

Brazil: Those “Come to Brazil” hashtags that used to trend all the time on Twitter. Brazil had some reallllly loud fanbases; I’m just not sure if they’re still as vocal now.

Canada: Bret Hart. Also @inchoate-surveys, heh.

Denmark: I don’t really know anything about Denmark. OH WAIT NO there’s Legos, so we’ll go with that.

England: I honestly thought of their dishes first since I find them rather unique and super different from the Asian dishes I’m used to. We don’t really use beans or make a lot of puddings and pies, but I think they’re all interesting.

France: Escargot and baguette lol. I’m constantly thinking of food, guys; what a shocker. Also the movie Funny Face since most of it was set in France.

Germany: Sauerkraut and long words.

Hungary: I always confuse Hungary with Germany, but the difference is I don’t know a single thing about Hungary. So I don’t actually know how to answer this haha oops, sorry.

Ireland: Niall Horan HEHE. Also the wrestlers Becky Lynch and Sheamus. Ireland’s got a lot of talented folks.

Italy: @justsurveys (:D), Lizzie McGuire, the movie Roman Holiday.

Jamaica: I also first thought of a wrestler. His name is Kofi Kingston and I remembered him because at one point in his career he was packaged to have a Jamaican gimmick even though he’s actually Ghanian, just because of his race and the fact that he had dreadlocks. Like seriously? Classic example of WWE being racist and stereotypical...ugh. It’s truly hard to vouch for them sometimes.

Japan: The brutally honest first thing I thought of wasssss how they took over my country for a few years and subjected thousands of women and children to various forms of torture before killing them.

Korea: Korean food :( Man I miss having jjajangmyeon.

Libya: Their old flag, which was just entirely green. No designs, no stripes, no other colors. Just a good ol’ green flag.

Morocco: I think of Marrakesh and how colorful the place is. I’d love to go someday.

Norway: Northern lights.

Poland: The current Pope. < OMG editing this answer. The Pope I was thinking of was John Paul II, the actual Pole. Pope Francis is from Argentina lmaooooo so sorry

Romania: I honestly can’t tell you a single thing. Slowly starting to realize that I’m not as good in geography as I thought I was, ha.

Russia: Onion domes, I think that’s what they’re called.

Spain: When I think of Spain I always immediately think of the unfinished church, Sagrada Familia is what I think it’s called, if I remember correctly. It’s in my bucket list of places to see, for sure. Then there’s also the 333 years of colonization, but I’m not feeling bitter enough tonight to rant about that.

Tunisia: Not a clue. I’m bringing my ass to read more about other countries after this.

Turkey: Gabie, because she has Turkish blood.

Uganda: That Joseph Kony documentary that blew up nearly a decade ago. I’m pretty sure that was based in Uganda.

United States of America: Trump, Target, cheeseburgers, elderly people on scooters, those machines at the store that count your coins for you, more cheeseburgers.

United Kingdom: The royal family, Black Mirror, accents that sound fancy.

Australia: Barbecue, kangaroos, deserts, Vegemite.

New Zealand: I thought of my relatives who live there. Also Lord of the Rings.

List 3 movies you like in each genre.

Action: Eugh, I hate this genre. Wonder Woman is probably the only action movie I ever really enjoyed.

Comedy: Can romcoms count? I like The Proposal, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, andddddd This Is Spinal Tap.

Drama: Room, Revolutionary Road, Requiem for a Dream.

Fantasy: Huge pass.

Horror: Midsommar, The Shining, (the original) Carrie.

Kids/Animated: Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Tangled.

Romance: Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Carol, Two for the Road.

Sci-Fi: 2001: A Space Odyssey(!!!), The Martian, Interstellar.

Thriller: Misery, Black Swan, Gone Girl.

Western: Not my cup of tea. The only thing I could think of is Breaking Bad, and that’s not even a movie.

Answer just in numbers.

Number of brothers you have: 1.

Number of sisters you have: Also 1.

Number of the house you live at: Eh.

Number of close friends you have: Off the top of my head, 3.

Number of pets you have: 2.

Number of times you shower a week: 6 or 7.

Number of concerts you've been to in your life: Too many to count if I include local gigs at schools. But if we’re only referring to bigger acts held in arenas or stadiums, 4.

Number of cars your household has: 3.

Number of serious relationships you've been in: 1, but we dated twice.

Number of movies you've seen at the cinema this year: Hahahaha

Number of people who live in your house: 5, including myself.

Number of plug sockets in the room you're in now: 4.

Some more randomer questions.

What food do you have cravings for the most? My cravings are always changing, though. Right now, it would be sushi and takoyaki. We actually just had both last night for dinner, but we devoured them SO fast and now I’m seeking them out again.

What TV shows do you hate to miss on TV? I’m not that attached to any show. I used to religiously follow WWE Raw and The Walking Dead and always wanted to watch both live as often as possible, but those days are long gone.

What do you tend to lose the most? My appetite. As for actual items...probably pens.

The last time someone shouted at you - why were they shouting? It’s been a while since that happened, so I don’t remember.

Would you rather have a cactus or a bonsai? Cactus. I heard taking care of bonsai trees is quite complicated, and I just know I’d kill it within a day or two, if not a lot shorter.

What scary story freaks you out the most? Not really in the mood to think of an answer to this considering it’s 1:07 AM and dark as fuck in my room D:

Are you better with gadgets or cooking? Probably gadgets, but just barely.

How would you rate your own looks? Personality? I hate deciding on things about me. I don’t want to hype myself up too much but I don’t want to drag myself down either lol

What accent is the most attractive? Some English accents are very pleasant to the ear.

Do you get annoyed when people spell your name wrong? Not for the most part since I have the more uncommon spelling anyway. But if someone is talking to me on like Messenger or Viber where my name is blatantly stated and spelled out and they still misspell it, then I get peeved.

#survey #surveys

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moneypedia · 3 years

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March 27, 2017 By Drew Shepherd

So this post is obviously about depression, but since this is the first one here, I guess I should start by asking, “What is Hunger for Excellence?”

I see it as a tool to build people up. It’s an outlet for me to use what I’ve learned over the years to help others.

I want them to develop a mindset that finds the good in any situation. And I want them to experience the joy I have now without wandering through what I did for years.

That’s why this site exists.

Everything here is for the benefit of others, but in my mind I’m only writing for one person.

I’m writing for “myself”.

Not me personally, but for that one person who’s still where I was in the past. I strive to be the person now that I needed then.

Depression is an experience that’s still fresh in my memory, but now I can say without a doubt that I did more than beat depression…

I conquered it. It’s finished. It’s over.

You may be in the same position I was in back then, and I believe it’s my duty to show you how I defeated this attack on the mind.

So I’ve split this post into two parts with Part 1 telling my personal story, and Part 2 showing a guide that helped me turn it all around.

Now I know you don’t want to listen to someone who has no idea what you’re going through, but I promise, I’ve been there, and I discovered peace that most people can’t begin to understand.

My Story

Today I’m happy to say that I enjoy life. I’m in control of my mental state and I understand how to find real peace and happiness. The only person who can destroy my outlook now is myself, and I refuse to let that happen.

It hasn’t always been this way, though. I used to be one weak kid.

I grew up as an only child in a loving family. And despite my goofy personality, everyone I knew liked me.

I was a promising student and a better than average basketball player. So nothing to complain about really. I was good at everything I did then because, well, I always had been.

But that all changed around high school.

Basketball was getting serious and people on all sides pretty much forced me to transfer schools. So being the naïve kid I was, I left and hoped for the best.

It wasn’t a decision I wanted to make, but it made sense. Opportunities were everywhere. Not just in athletics but as a student too.

I could have a fresh start with a new team, there were plenty of people to meet, and the new school was on the popular side of town.

The problem was, I didn’t have a mindset close to what I needed to make that change. I thought I was entitled to any form of success. And why not? Everything I touched turned to gold before then.

I was paralyzed when I saw things wouldn’t be so easy. All I could think about on the court was keeping up with the new guys. I remember practices where my hands were literally shaking because I felt so much pressure to perform.

This lack of confidence led to a quick loss of my teammates’ respect. And I was even denied my favorite jersey number, 22.

My fear sabotaged any attempt I made to improve. Couple that with the knee injuries I sustained during the year, and it’s easy to see why I was cut after one mediocre season.

It was the first time I had ever been dropped from a roster, and that drove everything else downhill.

But the worst part about it was, I wanted to be cut.

By then I just didn’t care. A game I loved became a chore to me and I hated every minute of it.

I wish I could say I tried my hardest and failed. I wish I could say I was sad when I didn’t see my name on that list.

But I can’t. And that still hurts the most.

Downhill

If you’ve ever been robbed, you know how vulnerable it makes you feel afterwards. The fact that someone entered your place and took what you worked for makes you feel helpless.

Well I let fear rob me of what I had loved since childhood, and I was stuck in a place where I didn’t belong afterwards.

It was all embarrassing.

It changed the way I viewed myself and I didn’t look others in the eyes anymore. People looked in my direction and it was like they saw right through me.

I became a very cynical person around that time—definitely not someone you wanted to be around. The few friends I had back then picked up on it and of course they turned away.

Watching friends turn their backs on me led to bitterness on my end, but with the way I was acting, I don’t know how anyone could have tolerated me.

I second-guessed my interactions with everyone. Why wouldn’t others see me as a failure if that was how I viewed myself?

My attitude led me to believe that no one could relate to me. And being one of the few, if not the only black kid in my classes confirmed that belief in my mind.

But even the high grades I always earned started to slip. I went from being an overachiever in the classroom to just being good enough to keep my parents off my back.

And with the teenage hormones on top of that, I lost all confidence. Classmates asked me how the chemo was going to treat the “tumors” I couldn’t control, and that nearly broke me.

I told my parents about all this so they would understand why I was falling apart. But they only gave the “just be yourself”, “be friendly to others”, “it’ll just work out” advice you get from well-meaning people. Besides, kids from Christian families weren’t supposed to deal with this kinda stuff.

All of that frustration took its toll on me, and I remember looking in the mirror to see my own scowl in the reflection.

But soon my eyes dulled and a blank gaze replaced the grimace that was there before. And I stopped caring about everything.

Escape

Since I didn’t know how to cope with any of this, I tried to escape. I was smart enough to avoid alcohol and drugs back then, but I had to find something.

Food was one source I used to fill my void. I ate any and everything, whenever I wanted, and soon I was unrecognizable after gaining 40 pounds.

Videogames were the other route I took. I enjoy playing them now in the rare chance I have free time, but back then it was go to school, eat, and play games.

Gaming was one activity I was still good at, and people appreciated me when it was time to play. It was one area where I didn’t feel useless—like I actually had something to offer.

But soon it got to the point where I was playing till early morning every day. My eyelids barely opened in class but it didn’t matter to me. The hint of joy I got from playing outweighed everything else.

But my mind wasn’t satisfied with those forms of escape.

Some of the lowest points I remember were on the drives home from school. I saw cars in the other lane driving towards me and the thought of “what if…” kept popping up.

I even imagined what my funeral would be like. And I smirked and teared up at the thought of my parents sitting alone in the empty pews.

But while I never seriously considered suicide, I still couldn’t stop the thoughts. I just knew I needed a way out.

That’s why I started counting the days till graduation. My environment had to be the cause of all this. It couldn’t have been me.

Enough

Graduation came and went, and guess what? Nothing changed.

If anything my first few years in college left me more isolated. My parents weren’t around anymore and plenty of new strangers saw how lonely I really was. I would hear chuckles in class and I always thought people were taunting me.

The transition to college coursework didn’t help either. I had never felt that…dumb before. I lost any trace of being a great student and I was in danger of losing my biggest scholarship.

My list of failures kept growing and growing. My high school experience was a disaster. I couldn’t make or keep any friends. And now there was a good chance that I would need thousands of more dollars to stay in school.

That was when I had enough.

I hated the mess I was in. I knew that if I lost that scholarship, my fall from wherever I was at before would have been complete.

Basketball, high school, former friends, I knew none of that mattered anymore but I was still hurting. I just wanted to enjoy my last years before the “real world”, and yet I couldn’t.

I knew I needed to change but I didn’t know how.

Comeback

So what did I do next?

I did the same thing I’d advise you to do if you’re ready to change.

I made a decision. A decision to commit to excellence. I wanted to do better in every part of my life.

So I chose to:

Embrace my faith

Craft an undeniable work ethic

Get in the best shape of my life

And love others but not be devastated if I was alone

I was sick of the life I was living. I didn’t know how to turn it around but I knew I had to stop accepting it.

And that decision was what led to change within the next few years:

My grades shot up to the top of the class

I lost those 40 pounds and got into better shape than my playing days

I formed satisfying relationships that I never thought I would see again

But most importantly, I found peace that others couldn’t begin to understand.

“Well that sounds great Drew, but how could you possibly help me?

Weren’t you just a loser in school? You didn’t get fired from your job. You didn’t lose one of your loved ones. Your family wasn’t torn apart by divorce…”

You’re right. None of that happened to me.

I was just a kid who let a few disappointments grow into a lingering depression. But I told my story to relate to how you may feel, not to have a woe-is-me pity party where we see who’s lived the worst life.

It’s okay to be disappointed. Things won’t always go your way. But you can’t let a temporary defeat turn into permanent failure like I did.

I wasted 4 years of my youth being an empty shell because of that mistake. And that’s no way to live life.

Make Your Choice

Again, this all comes down to what you choose.

If you don’t want to work to change your situation, and all you want to do is complain and hope it magically ends…

Then I can’t help you. No one can.

But…

If you’re done living like this, and you’ve committed to making a change…

Part 2 is for you.

You’re ready to turn things around, and I won’t get in your way.

-Drew

#suicide

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ohwhatamessiam · 4 years

Text

Self Control - Chapter 11

Summary: Thanksgiving break comes and goes. And it leaves you angry, wondering how much Chris really cares about you. Will he prove that he wants this, or will he let your spark burn out?

Pairing: Professor!Chris Evans X TA!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Language, angst, lots of pain (the tweets from Brandon outlined this turn of events), I’m really sorry but y’all are gonna hate me for this one.

A/N: Hi everyone! I made it back for an update under 9 months this time (barely lol). There’s only 2 more chapters left in Self Control, and you guys will probably hate me for them, but this is the path we’re on together! Thank you all for your patience, and thank you to @fangirlisms-22. I have started on the next chapter but knowing me, it’ll be a while before it’s done. I’m going to ask y’all to be patient again. I tried to tag everyone, but some blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or won’t let me tag them. Let me know if you need me to change your url on my list. Here’s the Spotify playlist for the entire fic.

I love feedback, so send me your thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc!

Tags are still barely open for this story, so send me an ask here to be added to it or my permanent list!

Self Control | Masterlist

A week of radio silence goes by and you’re left alone with your thoughts. And lonely, desperate thoughts are not your friends.

You try to stay in for the weekend, telling yourself that the distance is for the best. It’s giving you time to work on your story. You tear that piece to shreds and stitch it back together 10 times over. Your heart is starting to feel that same way.

Wednesday afternoon you realize you’ve run completely out of your grad student food staples: mac and cheese, tortillas, shredded cheese, peanut butter, and milk. And there’s only one box of cereal left on top of your fridge. Corn flakes. The bland cereal Chris loved so much.

You can’t bring yourself to touch it.

Forcing your body into a pair of sweatpants and shoes, you leave the apartment. The sun feels too bright for your sensitized eyes, and the temperature is much colder than you planned for, but you know better than to turn back. If you go back, you won’t come out until you have to see him after break.

As you pull into the grocery store it finally hits you. It’s already Thanksgiving eve. That much time had slipped away from you.

You trudge through the throngs of people scrambling for last minute items. No one pays any attention to your state of disarray.

Luckily, your basic needs are in stock and you’re able to get what you need without too much difficulty. You’re about to head to the registers when you stop at the liquor aisle. The thought only has to enter your mind before your feet immediately pivot toward the wine section.

You find 3 of the cheapest, most tolerable bottles and are stuffing them in your cart when you hear glass clanking behind you. You turn to find two of the last people you wanted to see.

Sebastian and Dr. Mackie.

“Oh shit,” Sebastian yelps as he tries to balance three separate bottles of liquor in one arm. Dr. Mackie snickers at him as he adds another bottle to their collection.

You shift quickly, trying to keep your back to them. There’s no need for a conversation on a day like today.

“(Y/N),” Sebastian calls out.

Your whole body tenses, fingers clenching the cart handle. How did he even know it was you in your chaotic state?

Footsteps approach you and you try to muster the strength to face them. At your best, you gather a forced smile.

“Hi (Y/N),” he grins as he slides up to your cart, Dr. Mackie in tow.

“Hi guys,” you manage. You catch how Dr. Mackie’s eyes flash to your hair, and then your clothes. You try not to get caught up on how that makes you want to crawl home, with or without groceries.

“What are you doing in town? It’s Thanksgiving,” Sebastian asks as he tries to pay more attention to his assortment of alcohol instead of your appearance.

“I’m staying here for break. My family’s a little spread out, so it’s hard to pick a side.” You glance over at Dr. Mackie, hoping that answer seems somewhat believable.

He seems to buy it as he nods, “I get that.”

You’d never seen these men outside of an academic environment, and when you finally notice their current clothing, you feel the tiniest bit better about running into them. Dr. Mackie’s wearing a navy polo and a pair of gray chinos, while Sebastian’s in a pair of black jeans and a red henley.

Something about seeing even your colleagues out of business casual, made you feel a little special. Like you were welcomed into Chris’s friend group with open arms. Like the relationship you and Chris have could exist both inside and outside of school safely.

Or had.

“If you’re staying in town, why didn’t you answer our email?” Sebastian asks.

“What email?” Your mind is already trying to remember the last time you glanced at your school account. It must have been nearly a week. But why would you check it when clearly staring at your text messages and voicemails from Chris had been filling your weaker moments?

“The one where we reached out to every grad student and faculty member whom had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, and invited them to a potluck in the Webster hall student lounge?”

Your eyes shift between the men nervously, “Oh, uh, I must have missed that one.”

“That’s okay,” Dr. Mackie answers.

“Well look,” Sebastian continues, “we’re going to have a lot of food, and just need people to eat it now.”

“You could absolutely just bring a bottle of wine and load up a plate.” Dr. Mackie adds as he notices the bottles in your cart. Unfortunately, he doesn’t realize you already have plans to finish those bottles by yourself, and maybe even before Thanksgiving.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.” More like you really hope you never have to leave your apartment again.

“Ah, you already have plans.”

You don’t, but you nod like you do in hopes they’ll back off.

“Well I’m sure we’ll have leftovers,” Sebastian’s eyes become too sharp as the words leave his mouth, “so if you wanna stop by after you’re done doing whatever you have to do, you’re welcome to.” His tone of voice leaves you surprised he didn’t just outright wink at you.

But apparently he didn’t know yet. Chris hadn’t told him about your “distance.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to, but I’ll try.”

“Good,” Dr. Mackie nods, his eyes cutting to Sebastian, clearly trying to get his friend to leave you alone. You know the only time you’ve spent with him was at the faculty dinner, but inside you quietly thank him.

“Yeah, great. And you can bring anyone if you want. Thanksgiving is about sharing.” Sebastian’s eyes stay on yours, still unsubtly trying to communicate that Chris is welcome. Under his gaze, you feel a bubble of tension build in your chest, the precursor to more tears.

“I won’t bring anyone, but thank you for offering.” You need to get out of here. You will not cry in front of Chris’s friends and colleagues. You drop your focus back onto your grocery cart, trying to stave off the warmth behind your eyes.

“You are very welcome. Seb, we should probably get going now,” Dr. Mackie swoops in for the save. “Whether we see you or not, have a good Thanksgiving (Y/N).” And he’s already guiding Sebastian away from you.

“Thanks, you too,” you call out. They don’t answer, and fortunately they round the corner before the first tear drops.

_______________________________________________________________________

You finish your last bottle of wine late on Thanksgiving. You pick up your phone and nearly dial his number, but just as you reach his name in your contact list, you picture it in your mind.

Him, sitting at a large table covered in all the traditional Thanksgiving dishes. On his right is Jennifer, and she’s beaming. This is her in her element. She’s getting what she wants because Chris won’t tell his family yet that they’re getting divorced. But your mind focuses on the space between them, their joined hands sitting on the table.

You can’t help but throw your phone across the room.

You don’t need confirmation that you’re right, that your fear isn’t imaginary. But you also don’t need to sit around calling him, embarrassing yourself with desperate voice messages that ultimately won’t help your relationship.

You know there has to be something else to fill this void.

And then pull out your laptop and start writing. And it’s a very different story than the one you’ve been working on.

_______________________________________________________________________

The rest of break comes and goes, and somehow you manage to honor the “distance.” Maybe it’s that your sadness has started becoming little pockets of anger, or maybe it’s that you’ve already cried and moped enough.

But the first day back to classes, you go in with your head held high.

You made it this long without caving and calling, or going to see him. It’ll hurt, but you’ll make it through a class together. You end up being one of the first people in a seat, the students seem to have gotten slower since Thanksgiving break. Lethargic and ready for winter break already.

Winter break was supposed to be when you and Chris could end your distance, your weird work power dynamics would be over and neither of you could lose their job. But what used to feel like a hopeful promise felt like a drawn out execution now. If Thanksgiving had gone even vaguely how you imagined it had for him, you were sure the end was coming.

Part of what made you love Chris was his heart, his empathy, his willingness to try to see the best in people. And while those traits hadn’t been applied to Jennifer in a while, you were nearly positive they could be again.

Tom comes in at his usual time, but sits at the end of the row behind you. You find that odd, but barely have a moment to dwell on it before Chris arrives. And his face is clean shaven.

A piece of your heart sinks, and you slip further into your chair.

He avoids eye contact with you until after he has the presentation pulled up on the projector and the rest of the class has filed in. He takes a deep breath, his hands gripping the sides of the podium, and he looks out at the room. But his eyes seem to gloss over the break-hungover students and fall on you.

You feel yourself gulp, but you don’t look away. Not yet. His clothes are nicer, less rumpled than before break. His hair is shorter and slicked back, like it had been at the beginning of the semester. And his wedding ring seems to just catch the fluorescent lights perfectly.

Everything but his gaze feels foreign. Almost too different than your Chris.

And that’s when you drop your gaze back to your laptop. Of course he’d been home long enough to do laundry and look like his old self again. Maybe it was for his family over break, but maybe it was for Jennifer.

He watches you for one more moment, and then focuses back on the students. “Good afternoon, class. I hope everyone had a good break.”

Hearing his voice hurts worse than seeing him, but you straighten your spine and get through class. He does not hang his attention on you again, and the only one who seems to notice besides you, is Tom.

_______________________________________________________________________

Your office hours feel like slow torture since you’re left alone with your thoughts about Chris again. And how he looked. And how he barely looked at you.

You wish for a distraction. A student, Robert to come in, or even Tom to show up even though he’d been icy towards you recently. But you get nothing.

So instead, you work on the new piece you started over break. That piece about cycles, and circumstances. About love given, and love lost. About power dynamics and the risks you take when you ignore them.

Office hours nearly end before you look up.

And Chris is standing on the other side of your open door, not knocking, but not walking away. You’re not sure what to make of that.

Is he stopping himself from rushing up to you? Or is he forcing himself to stay there until you say something, until you force him to admit what’s really happening here?

He finally meets your eyes and your heart drops. Just like it had during that awful phone call. And you knew what that meant then, and what that says now.

But you try to fight it. You tell yourself it is just paranoia.

“Hi,” you say, your voice coming out short, trying to hide its shakiness.

“Hi.” Just one word from his lips and your very marrow wants to crawl to him, pleading to forget Thanksgiving break. Forget whatever transpired then. Remember what you had before. What you could have next.

But you stay in your seat and watch him step into your office gingerly. His eyes take in the room, either looking for new evidence in support of your relationship, or looking for a distraction so he doesn’t have to say it. Or at least that’s what it looks like.

His hands are shoved in his pockets, his shoulders hunched. And it makes this feel even sadder. He’s resigned to this. Whatever’s coming, he doesn’t really want it. Not fully.

You can’t take it anymore, you have to end this pointless staring. His at your office, yours waiting for him.

“So, what do you need?”

His face changes, the slightest furrow of his brows, the gentlest sigh. As if you wounded him, rushing him through this moment. A moment you were starting to want over.

He closes your office door, leaving you two alone in a room with so many memories. A room that just a couple weeks ago held what you hoped was the promise of a future.

“We need to talk,” he says, sitting on the edge of the seat across from you. You nod, but don’t say anything. Not until you know what kind of talk this is.

He stares at you for a moment, watching your face, waiting for it to change, shift into something else. But you keep your emotions away from the surface. You’ve had enough time to think about this during your distance.

He finally continues, “This Thanksgiving was tense. A lot happened. A lot was said. But the time apart helped me figure somethings out.”

“Like what?” You watch as his fingers twitch, his eyes roaming you for clues on what you want to hear.

“Like, I’m not the only one who’s been seeing someone else. She wouldn’t tell me who, but I can’t help but feel like it was her way of throwing us in my face.” He pauses, but you don’t break, don’t reach for his hand or tell him he’s right. You wait for the rest.

“And I learned that our families aren’t ready for a divorce yet.” His eyes focus on the edge of your desk. He still won’t stand up to them yet.

He knows this isn’t fair to you. And he won’t even look you in the eye as he admits it.

“So, where does that leave me?” A fire fuels in your belly, you want to scream at him. You can’t keep living in this state of distance. That he needs to figure out whether he wants you more than he wants to avoid conflict with her and his family.

“As someone I want a future with.” He’s watching your chest now, the way your breath fills your lungs, and you hold it in, praying that he’ll just drop the other shoe. “As someone I could see myself growing old with, living a full, creative life together.”

“But?”

He hesitates and you try to keep the air moving in and out of your body. You do not have any new breath-held wishes, everything you could ever hope for from this moment has already found a home in your mind. And it is accompanied by all your fears about this relationship, and its end.

But the way his shoulders slump, and his elbows dig into his knees as he leans on them. The way his head now hangs in his hands. You feel that your fears are unfortunately, closer to this reality.

“But not someone I can have a now with.”

Your heart felt it coming, and it hurts worse than you ever would have expected.

That fire is in your chest now, beating your lungs, eating the oxygen from them. Like a hit to the gut. There’s no more breath to hold.

Was this relationship always going to be a waiting game? Or just a dalliance to fill the time?

“This time apart, this distance has already been painful enough, Chris. But I was doing it to protect both of us.”

He raises his head, and his watery eyes catch on your own, “It’s been terrible not seeing you, not talking to you. It’s been painful for me too. But it’s been for the best.”

“Best as in it protects us for our future? Or best as in it allows you to give your marriage another shot?” Will he stop trying to dance his way around this, stop softening this? You need a clear answer on where you stand, and where you are going to be moving forward.

“I- I’m afraid to say both.”

And that hits you with an overwhelming force. Your heart has sunk so far, you are not even sure you have one anymore. You just want to curl into a ball and cry. But instead, you let that fire from before crawl its way into your mouth. “So do you want me to wait around for you? Let you test the waters with Jennifer again until you're sure you want to be with me? Because that’s not what I signed up for with us.”

“I know that, and that’s not what I wanted for us either.”

“And if I wait any longer, I’m not protecting us anymore. I’m protecting you, and your life, while mine gets boxed away. But what I want should matter too.”

“Y/N, it does,” he whispers, but it doesn’t slow you down.

“Should we still even try to be together? If you’re not sure that this is it, that I am who you should be with, what’s the point? What are we holding out for?”

All the air from the room feels like it has been sucked out. Chris is staring at you like you’ve wrecked his whole world. And inside, it absolutely feels like you’ve just ripped apart your own. But you know it had to be said.

“Because I love you. And you love me.”

“Is that enough Chris? Because it’s starting to seem like it isn’t anymore.”

He looks at you, eyes wide as his lower lip trembles softly, but you remind yourself to hold your ground. He was the one who’d come in there to tell you he might go back to his wife. He was the one who had already planned on doing this.

“It was, it is. We just need to wait it out. See if Jennifer and Robert will leave us alone.”

“They already know, and so does probably half of the department.” You hope your words aren’t actually true, but between all the conversations you had before break, it sure as hell feels like it. “I’m not staying your secret affair. I’m not your office hours hook up because you can’t tolerate your wife. You either tell me right now that you will fully work on what we have, or you tell me it’s over.”

His eyes are searching your office again, looking for courage, or maybe an excuse. He doesn’t seem to find it, and his focus settles on your joined hands. You clench them together, a silent prayer for the truth.

“I can’t do either of those things.”

Your breath catches in your throat. You just want a straight goddamn answer. “Chris…”

“I can’t. Because I don’t want to lose you, it hurts so much to be apart from you. But I can’t gamble with the rest of my life, my job, my family. I can’t just ignore them and run away again. It’s not working out for any of us that way.”

You want to snap that it was working out fine for you, but you try not to be more selfish than you already feel. And as well as you were making out, he is right, these last few months hadn’t been perfect. Except you don’t want perfect, you just want a promise to try. A whole-hearted attempt.

Instead, you stay quiet for a moment, watching him, taking him in. His clearly upset features, his body perched on the edge of his seat. His words are telling you that the one fear you had grown so very close to this entire break, is real. His already established, semi-comfortable life is more important than you, or your happiness. And you had really wanted to be wrong.

“That is my answer.” Your mouth finally moves, saying what you were thinking all along. “Your inability to make a decision is everything I need to know.”

“I didn’t want this to happen (Y/N). I don’t want this to be over.” His hands reach out for yours, searching for a physical connection, a spark. Something that will help him soften this, or make you change your mind.

But it won’t. And you pull your fingers from your desk.

“Then you should have thought about that earlier, Chris. You should have considered whether kissing me in this hallway could ruin your life. That sleeping with me in your office could demolish everything. You should have decided then, if this last 3 months was worth it, to risk it all? Because I decided that then. I decided I wanted you, and this, but I knew I might regret it one day. And you’ve probably proven me right.”

Chris’s eyes latch onto your own, shock lifting his brows so gently. Like you’ve landed the final blow, you knocked him out. But this wasn’t a match for you to win. No, this was a mercy kill. You know now this relationship had to end before it sacrificed what was left of your control, and your sanity.

“I always wanted this. There’s not a single second I’ve regretted it.” His tone comes out rough, as if the anger you’ve let out finally reaches his own gut. And you hope it burns as much for him as it does for you.

“Good for you. But if you really wanted this, why didn’t you tell me about Jennifer’s sudden interest in getting back together earlier? Why didn’t you tell your family that you guys are over? That there’s no hope for your marriage, and that you’re ready to move on? Would you rather have a second chance with her instead of a first, real chance with me?”

You look down at your own hands in your lap, your fingers twisted together. And for a moment you second guess this whole conversation. Is this really how this has to go? “Or at least that’s what I asked myself over and over again during break.”

He stays quiet, his eyes shifting down, settling on his knees. They bounce as his heels tap the floor. His nerves are so raw, that he might just be finally admitting to himself, that this has reached its conclusion. That maybe this was never going to end any differently.

The words leave his mouth so quietly, you almost miss them. “So this is the end then?”

As much as this already feels like slicing a part of yourself off, you were staying strong. But his tone, its soft resignation, it builds a heat behind your eyes. And your tears threaten to let loose.

“I’ll finish the semester as your TA, but yes. I-” the crack in your voice gives away more than you’ve shown this entire conversation. And his baby blues latch on to it, to you. A final, silent pleading. But you gulp, “I think it is.”

Inside you are begging for him to say no, it’s not. That he won’t let this be the end. That you are more important than Jennifer, than his family, than anyone’s opinion.

He nods to himself, his eyes squeezing shut. He takes a moment to make himself accept it, and then he pushes himself up.

“I’m sorry this is how we’re ending, (Y/N). I never meant to compromise your feelings or your wants. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But I understand how my intentions have gotten lost in our situation.” He moves to your door, turning his back to you.

You feel your bottom lip quiver as the tears in your eyes start to bleed out.

“I’m sorry too, Chris.” He hesitates, looking back at you as his hand reaches the door knob. “Goodbye.”

One more quick nod as his gaze drops, attempting to ignore your quiet sob. His fingers push open the door and he whispers, “Goodbye.”

And then he’s gone, and your office hours are over, and you want to be anywhere but here. But as you try to stand, you can’t move yet. This loss feels paralyzing. Your limbs lock in denial, your mind wants to bargain now. But you know it’s too late.

So you sit there, and cry every tear out you can, waiting for the pain to subside. Waiting for your breath to stop shaking. Waiting for you to feel confident in your choices.

And eventually, it does. And you do.

_______________________________________________________________________

Tags: @irishdancr24 @lostboyinneverland @dianaofsthemyscira @funlizzie02-blog @void-imaginations @cryingovershipsthatneversailed @breezykpop @jcc04220 @nys30 @jonsnowisnotdeadthough @guera31 @wickedcitywitch @london-dreamer71 @patzammit @lilypalmer1987 @talannalew @thatonetuesdaywhensam @supperunnatural20 @evanstanfanatic @lucinapomona @r5rocks101 @dolphinpink310 @bojabee @zlixlle @smashley816 @youtheheckisbucky @bit-of-a-timelord @sebastian-i-stan @stevieang @suz-123 @thefridgeismybestie @ssweet-empowerment @sophiealiice @imaginesofdreams @anotherawkwardaustralian @lostxsea

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chimswae · 3 years

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Untold Bonus Part 3

Foreword:

Some stories are better left unsaid.I couldn’t change anything for the world, although the fame part of this industry is tough to handle.Do i have a life? Yes I have my fans.Do i have friends? Yes the members that I cherish. Do i have love? No I have to let go.Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. But do i have any tomorrow?

Pairing: Jimin x OC (Other characters: BTS, OCs, Lee Taehwan)

Genre: Idolau, Fluff, Romance, Father!Au

Word Count: 2,324

Author Note: I totally forget to finish update Untold! forgive me ;; This is an old story of mine i think i wrote it in 2017, so please ignore my clicheness and the excessive usage of clicheness~ that makes u cringe haha

You can check full masterlist below :)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

Part 3

Although their camel tour ended a little comically, everyone had fun. Hoseok on the other hand was salty the whole day because of the poop incident. As soon as they reached their hotel, Hoseok spent at least two hours in the bathroom alone taking super long bath just to get rid of the smell or whatever he thought it was. He claimed it was to stabilize his mental state after the horrifying event.

Hoseok could be a little too dramatic sometimes, no one could stop that guy.

Leaving Hoseok with his delusional thought, others went to get dinner at nearby restaurant and bought takeaways food for him to savor later on. Enjoying the night city view, the stars sparkle in the night sky.

“I love the city when it shuts down” Jimin whispers.

Yeoul smiled upon hearing that low and raspy voice of his, so enticing. They both strolled the parks pedestrian pathways following others from behind silently. The streets was empty, there were minimal number of people around and most of them were couples. The emptiness was strange and magnificent.

“This is perfect” she squished their hand tighter.

In front of them, there were Taehyung with his cameras and his loyal assistant Kim Namjoon, his eyes fixated on his gadgets. These two guys sometimes stopped in the middle of their walk to take good picture and admiring them afterwards. Or ended up bickering over Vante’s photos.

Maknae and Jin on the other side were busy scanning the city and finding good spots to shop, though there were fewer shops opened past 11. The couple did not give up on whatever they were planning to buy, more like souvenirs.

Taehwan and Yoongi went back earlier than them since they wanted to catch up their sleep, with that they offered to bring Minyeol together. Poor Minyeol being dragged around by the adults. Not to mention, they still had to feed loner Jung Hobi, that guy must be starving.

Yeoul and Jimin took their time to enjoy this night stroll exchanging funny stories or stealing glances. Being with Jimin taught Yeoul how to swoon him with a simple flirt and playful kisses. She was taught well.

“Baby..Let’s ditch them” he tugged on Yeoul arm preventing her to move.

“Are you crazy? They will flip out” raising her eyebrows with a questionable look, she watched Jimin took his phone typing something in his phone.

Jimin grinned “Done. I notify them in our Kakaotalk group,so lets go” he pecked her lips, intertwining their hand together. Yeoul could only smile at his randomness and followed him wherever he wished to go. Anywhere with Jimin is everywhere she wanted to be.

Like a flash the couple disappeared from their vicinity for their own oh-not-so-romantic midnight tour. Jin and Jungkook had so much sense in them that they did not even care when they left unlike someone who insisted of following those two. Another reason how they ended in Morocco anyways, Kim Taehyung really need to stop pursuing different career in his life. The preferred V and Vante for now.

Please don’t turn him into Varazzi or something.

------------------------

There sitting side by side, two pure soul enjoying each other company under dark sky accompanied by the heat from the bonfire across them. Being drawn by the warmth of their body heat, Yeoul snuggled in Jimin’s embrace smiling as he rested his chin on top of her head.

The fire glimmered and gleamed, its warmth drawn people in creating an atmosphere for sharing and making memories. As the night grows, they wished to linger around just a little longer in the warmth and contentment around the fire.

Everything about tonight was perfect.

“Aren’t you tired?” he was the one who first broke the silence between them.

Jimin felt Yeoul shifted a little in his embrace and soon he heard she replied “Tired of what? You? That is impossible.. I prefer to cling onto you for the rest of my life” she teased while wrapping her arm around his waist tighter.

“You cannot be tired of me. My charms are overflowing” he gazed down into her dark orbs. A pair of eyes that never failed to draw him in into this crazy world. World with unspeakable love. World that fills with hope. World that fills with happiness.

If she were to list down her weakness when it came to Jimin, his gaze would definitely on the list. In fact, that’s her utmost weakness.

“Aren’t you being a little over confident right now Park Jimin-ssi?” she ran her thumb over his lips, stroking it softly.

“I don’t mind if it is you I am trying to win over” caressing the back of his hand along Yeoul’s soft cheeks, Jimin closed the gap between them and locking her into a long endearing kiss. A kiss that he wished to give everyday.

Their lips move just perfectly in sync following their rapid heartbeat. He stroke over her back in a light touch that sent tingles in her heart. Every time their lips touched the spark ignite anew. Yeoul placed her palm upon his chest over his heart and felt it strong steady beat. The kiss deepened as she could feel with every stroke of his tongue latching onto hers.

They broke the kiss to catch a deep breath “You are irresistible Park Jimin” Yeoul mumbled against his lips.

“I am sorry. You have to deal with it until death do us part” nuzzling her face, Jimin chuckled softly.

“I don’t mind” this time Yeoul was the one who initiate their second round. Locking her arm around his neck tight, she pulled him down for another kiss. Who knows a kiss with Jimin can be addicting? Well Yeoul had her whole life to deal with it.

----------------------

It was time to get back to reality. Everyone was physically ready to be back in Korea but not mentally. They will be missing Morocco for sure. Nonetheless, thanks to Kim Taehyung unexpected plan Yeoul and Jimin stays in Morocco was extra fun than they expected. Creating new memories with their loved one especially Bangtan, Taehwan and Minyeol, it was beyond perfect.

Boarding the plane on time, everyone got into their seat. First class seat as they said, but Jungkook was stuck with Jin for the whole journey, how unfortunate. He liked his hyung but sometimes he’s a little too bubbly for someone at his age. Considering he is in the hyung line, Jungkook felt he had slowly shifted toward the maknae line.

Welcome aboard Kim Seokjin!

Even before the plane took off, Jin insisted to sit on the aisle and made Jungkook stay in the middle. They had no idea who would take the window seat but scratch that, he hoped that person wouldnt snore that much.

Jungkook eyes wandered at the direction of their seat and noticed the window seat was already occupied. He couldn’t get a full view of the person but he’s sure it was a girl. So, he sank in his seat carefully not to startle the girl whom seemed engross with her reading. She had earphone plugged in both of her ears got him less anxious to sit behind a stranger some more a girl.

The older boy came few minutes later with a triumph grin plastered across his face, more like mocking Jungkook for sitting beside a girl.

Maknae grunted under his breath feeling unfair as he sent death glare at Jin’s way “If it weren’t for you……” Jin dumbfounded look was even annoying.

As the plane was ready for take off, Jungkook stole a glance at the girl beside him. He admired her long eyelashes, and her soft fluffy cheeks which again reminded him Jimin’s puffy one. Her fingers were beautiful and those accessories that she wore fitted perfectly around it. He tore his gaze from examining her feature even more like a creep. Jungkook had no idea why was he so nervous when the girl beside him showed no interest to start a conversation even a simple hi.

You are so stupid Jungkook. He grimaced.

The first hour of the journey, Jungkook had decided to pay all his attention on the games in his phone. His mind sometimes was too wild and he tended to over thinking too. The girl snapped the book closed as she stifled her yawn, stretching her aching muscle.

She loved window seat since she had more space for herself and most importantly she didn’t have to deal with strangers on plane. Engaging into unimportant conversation was one thing, but she hated people who snore in the plane.

Thank god, the two guys beside him seemed normal. She totally forgot to take a glance at the guy beside him and only to realize he’s quite good looking. Not an average look for a man at his age, but his eyes and those visible veins were her weakness.

Reaching out to her hair, she’s about to tie it into a bun but only to lose grip on her red hairband. It landed just few inch from Jungkook’s feet. Jungkook realized that and put away his phone. He bent down to pick the hairband up but at the same time the girl was already reaching for it. Their head were hitting each other, earning a low gasp from both Jungkook and the girl.

Jungkook straightened up with a baffle look “I am so sorry” he apologized earnestly.

The girl took the hairband and rubbed her sore head with a small smile “It is alright. I am sorry for dropping this” their eyes met. The girl grew anxious at the sudden staring battle that they had right now. She touched her face in case she smeared her lipstick.

“I am sorry? Is there something wrong” she inquired.

He was brought back to his sense as he blurted without he realize “Nothing. You are just pretty” Jungkook himself couldn’t believe what’s coming out from his sinful mouth. Clasping his hand over his mouth, he patted it giving it a scold.

The girl blushed upon hearing his compliment as he watched him in horror “W-hat…” she faked a laugh and averted her gaze from Jungkook.

“I mean..I didn’t mean to say that. That is just weird. I am sorry again” He bowed a little hoping he would not scare the girl away. What’s wrong with him anyway? This stupid filthy little mouth gave away compliment so casually especially to a stranger like her.

She shook her head “It is alright. It must be the gravity” she reasoned.

Jungkook bit his lower lips to surpass his chuckle at her silly reply “Urm.. I am Jeon Jungkook by the way” he flashed her a charming smile not trying to win her over but that’s just how he smiled.

The girl was taken aback at first not expecting the guy beside her would introduce himself. This was the start of every conversation, how she hated that. Therefore just to be polite, she replied Jungkook casually “Nari…Son Nari” her eyes gleams.

“Nari.. Nice to meet you Nari-ssi”

“You too Jungkook-ssi”

Interestingly, this Son Nari girl seemed to not recognize him. Not to sound like a superstar, but to be frank everyone knew Bangtan Sonyeondan but for some reason this girl had zero idea of his existence as one of famous idol members.

After exchanging their names, they fell into silence again. Nari exasperated a sigh of relief knowing Jungkook was not a talkative person, so she could enjoy this plane ride with ease.

Little did Jungkook know, Jin was actually faking him being asleep. He heard it all up until those little innocent conversation made by Jungkook introducing himself to some random girl. It was a rare sight but he’s proud of his dongsaeng mustering his courage to talk to opposite sex.

Jungkook stiffened in his seat still contemplating whether to ask questions or kept his mouth shut. Part of him wanted to prolong this conversation as he was curious of this Son Nari person. A soft sigh escaped as his fingers fiddled nervously.

“You should be thanking me later Jeon” a soft voice whispered awfully low and close to his ears causing him to jerk backwards accidentally hitting Nari again.

“I AM SO SORRY AGAIN” he looked over at the confused girl and threw a nasty glare at Jin, grinding his teeth together.

“You seem to have the knack of bumping into others clumsily” she chortled.

The corner of his lips tugged into an embarrass smile “I thought there was a bug on my seat” he lied. Studying her facial more clearly know, he could tell she’s judging him considering how hard she tried to hold back her laughter.

“Actually you kinda remind me of one of my friends.. he is..” Nari couldn’t believe with her own eyes that she actually felt comfortable talking to a stranger exchanging their stories and life which was she rarely did every time in public.

But..Jungkook. Something about him made it feel different.

Was it his smiley face?

Was it his perfectly round eyes?

Was it his giggly side every time he got shy?

It had always been a start of something new. Nari could use new friends.

Previous | Next: Epilogue

#untoldseries #bts fic #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #jimin x oc #jimin idolau #jimin father au #park jimin father au #bts series #jimin parenthood au

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sweetsyncraft · 3 years

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SweetSyn’s Guide To Etsy

(I will add more as I learn more)

When I officially started my Etsy in 2018, I had no idea what I was doing. I’ve constantly had people asking me what tips I had for getting started. Unfortunately, I told them you needed a following to make sales. Boy was I wrong. SEO is the key. Buckle up, I’m going to learn you a few things. (I’m Texan don’t judge me for that sentence.)

“Search Engine Optimization”, which is the reason when you search for something on Etsy, you see a bunch of bland titles. Being Creative with titles will only hurt you. You need to have targeted, keyword-based titles and tags, to make sure you end up at the top of the food chain.

Listing Titles

This part is long due to the fact that I never knew how important this was.

The best way to do this is to start typing in what you’re selling into the Etsy search bar. Any related autocomplete phrases that are related to the pop-up list, is what should be in your title. (Keyword 1 - Keyword 2 - Keyword 3 - Keyword 4) and so forth. For example, I simply clicked on the search bar and it gave me a list of the current most popular searches. One of them was marble earrings, and the first listing had the best selling badge. Their title was “Handmade Polymer Clay Marble Triangle Earrings | Minimalist Geometric Earrings | Hypoallergenic Surgical Steel Stud | Multiple Size”. The second listing, from another shop, was “Marble Stud Earrings, Marble Jewelry, Round Stud Earrings, Wedding Stud Earrings, Marble Studs, Statement Studs, Minimalist Studs”.

I know how tempting it is to come up with a clever name for your listing, but Etsy doesn’t like that. Putting a long title full of keywords makes it more likely for someone to see your listing without searching through 240 pages. Yes, there were exactly 240 pages of marble earrings. The last one, way at the end was simply titled “Rosé Marble Earrings”. I don’t know about you, but I have no idea how to put that little mark over the ‘e’ when typing on a computer.

The second part of this is being more specific than just ‘marble earrings’. If someone is looking for something more specific than marble earrings they’re going to search more of what they want. This is how you separate yourself from everyone else on those 240 pages. The two listings I found were round studs and the other was geometric triangles. Maybe I hate circles, and I specifically want triangles, so I search “marble triangle earrings”. That’s in the title of the first listing, I’m going to find that listing.

DO NOT PUT YOUR SKU’S IN YOUR TITLES! You will lose sales because of this. Your title is very important, no one is going to be searching “866798Q”

Additionally, Etsy will not show more than one or two items per seller on any given page of search results. That way smaller shops have a bit more of a chance. Make sure you’re targeting different keywords per listing, or you’ll be competing with yourself.

After a few months, go into your listing analytics to see which keywords are getting that listing more views. You may find that your main keyword, or the first few words in your title, isn’t working as well as another one. If something is working better, make it the first part of the title, and you should even more views.

Adding titles in other languages will not help your listing. Etsy automatically translates for other languages.

I’ve seen a few people say that Etsy has changed and that they don’t like ‘title stuffing’. However, that’s not the case in what I’ve seen. The entire first two pages of marble earrings were nothing but long ‘stuffed’ titles.

This is a comment from an admin of one of the Etsy Facebook groups I’m in, he is a social media marketer:

“YES title stuffing is bad and you should not do it, because Etsy & Google do not count that as quality SEO.

However, we must first understand exactly what "Title Stuffing or Keyword Stuffing" really is.

Keyword stuffing is when someone fills a webpage (in this case an Etsy title) with the same keywords they want to rank for, over and over again in hopes that the more times they use the keywords the more relevant Etsy and Google will see their page or listing.”

...

“Now as far as your Etsy title goes you should absolutely use your keywords, but not repeated over and over again, while also keeping a non-robotic tone.

2 examples of title stuffing:

Basically stuffing the same word over and over again.

2. Title stuffing for the maximum keywords: Comfy Baby Shirt, comfortable, for boys, for girls, gifts, cheap, organic, cotton, romper, jumpsuits, newborn, baby clothes

Both of these examples are using spammy tricks to rank high. But this will not work and both Etsy and Google will ignore you.

You want your title to sound fluent and not like a robot while using your keywords.

Also, you want to avoid changing up your titles too much, because your listings SEO needs to season a bit for maximum effectiveness.”