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thisislizheather · 1 year

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October Occurrences 2022

Above Photo: Ontario, Canada - October 2022

This might be the hardest week of the year because it’s officially the longest period of time until next Halloween. I tend to take a few days to decompress a bit, so by this coming weekend I’ll be fully ready for holiday-mode. That being said, October was such a great month that felt like almost a year long - in a good way. Here’s what went down.

You can find my favourite tweets of the month over here and here.

I think it’s clear that I watched every good 90s Halloween sitcom episode that I could find links for.

For Halloween, I dressed up as Tony Montana (Al Pacino) from Scarface and Baby Dog was, umm, my main accessory.

In love with this article, “The Secret To Marriage Is Never Getting Married.”

I’ve always wanted to make the Nestle Toll House chocolate chip oatmeal cookies recipe (on the back of the Toll House package) and they were really, really good. Might become a staple in my cookie repertoire.

I made these soft pumpkin cookies with salted maple icing again this year and they continue to be incredible - and that’s coming from someone who truly hates soft cookies.

I also made these garlic butter chicken meatballs with creamy orzo (in a slow cooker) and the meatballs were great, I’ll definitely make those again. But the orzo cooked in a crockpot? Hard pass. Pasta always tastes terrible from a crockpot, I knew this and still went ahead, so it’s my fault really.

I was in Canada for awhile, so I…

Went to the new(ish) Keg near Square One and it kind of sucked? What the hell? The meat was nowhere worth the price, which is weird because I remember that it used to be better. I’m trying to find my new Canyon Creek (since it closed) and it’s a hard task to undertake but I won’t give up.

I had the burger from Ozzy’s Burgers and the lamb was terrible, but the regular burgers were fantastic.

My niece Layla turned 17 (!) so thankfully we were able to get the Milk Bar birthday cake from the Toronto location. It’s such a shame that location is closing at the end of the year.

I also planted some bulbs in the garden with my mom, which makes me even more excited for spring to come next year to see if anything blooms.

I tried the new Lays flavour Fries & Gravy and good god I love this country.

I made the apple fritter cake (again) for (Canadian) (real) Thanksgiving and I. love. this. cake.

My dad put up his seasonal bird feeder and I think I’ve said this before, but the answer to life is getting a bird feeder and then sitting down to watch it. Nothing better.

Above photo: Heaven on earth?

Above Photo: My dad & Baby Dog, October 2022

Above Photo: Mississauga, Ontario - October 2022

Above Photo: Fries & Gravy Lays

Above Photo: Oakville, Ontario - October 2022

I made my way to the Harvest Moon Farm & Orchard in North Salem, NY (with my friend Diana) where we had the best warm apple cider donuts and cider mimosas. Afterward we went for brunch at The Arch restaurant, which was beautiful & old, but nothing really spectacular food-wise.

Above Photo: Cider mimosa at Harvest Moon Farm & Orchard, North Salem, New York

Above Photo: Cider donuts at Harvest Moon Farm & Orchard, North Salem, New York

On Halloween, I took Baby Dog on our annual autumn visit to Central Park and it was bursting with beauty.

Above Photo: Central Park, October 2022

Above Photo: Baby Dog in Central Park, October 2022

When it comes to all purpose cleaners, I’m in love with Mrs. Meyers. The snowdrop scent is my favourite one (which should be coming out again soon), but I just got the apple cider one and yikes. It’s perfect. Is it sad to have favourite seasonal all purpose cleaners? Absolutely. But here we are. Welcome to your late 30s.

Above Photo: Mrs. Meyer’s Apple Cider Limited Edition Scent

Now if we’re talking seasonal coffee drinks? The Starbucks pumpkin cream cold brew (only 1/2 shot of syrup, extra foam) makes me a little sick by the end of the drink, but I still love it. And the vanilla cream cold brew at Tim Hortons is also really good. Oooo and the Tim Hortons hazelnut cold brew with espresso foam? Get out of here, so good. I think I just like foam.

Loving the new Charlie Brown stamps from the USPS. Wait, who is in charge of deciding the new stamps? Oh god, have I discovered the greatest job on earth? I THINK I HAVE??

So I got a new Apple charger from The Apple Store, the one that apparently charges faster. Aaaaaand my battery dies even quicker now! Sweet!

I was scrambling to find a dress for a wedding this month and Bloomingdale’s saved me. How do I always forget about that place? I love an old, good department store. Yes they can be overwhelming, but they’re practically deserted. I have to remember this for the future. Oh! And Macy’s too! Such great dresses for special occasions.

So Nathan and I went to Los Angeles for a wedding (the dress code was “outdo us”) and we stayed at Citizen M hotel in downtown LA. Let me just say that this is not the type of hotel for two people to share a room, that’s the nicest way I can put it. It’s definitely clean and relatively nice, but the rooms are laughably small. The wedding was fun and I loved walking around downtown LA mostly because of the incredibly well preserved buildings. Sure, the area is pretty dicey but it’s beautifully ancient. We walked to Santee Alley (where I got my new favourite feather clutch) and three days was the perfect amount of time to stay in that area. And the baja tacos from Tocaya were insanely good. Also the Wolfgang Puck Express stand at LAX had really good food to take on the plane.

Above Photo: Citizen M hotel room, this bed is literally the width of the room

Above Photo: Baja taco from Tocaya, Downtown LA

Above Photo: Nathan! (Ummm, is he somehow cooler in LA??)

Above Photo: Okay hold up, are we BOTH COOLER IN LA??

Above Photo: WE BAD

Above Photo: California blonde dreams coming true

Above Photo: The Los Angeles Theatre opened in 1931 - Downtown LA

Above Photo: The Eastern Columbia Building opened in 1930 - Downtown LA

Above Photo: The Orpheum Theatre opened in 1926 - Downtown LA

Speaking of airports, the restaurant The Hearth by Lynn Crawford at Pearson in Terminal 1 in Toronto is great! Get the meatballs. Love it when airport food is above average.

Of course I listened to the new Taylor Swift album Midnights and the best songs are Question…?, Sweet Nothing, Anti-Hero, Bejeweled, Maroon and You’re On Your Own, Kid.

Some things I watched this month:

Smile: such a fun time. Love a fun horror movie.

I rewatched the first two Friday The 13th movies with Layla (her first time seeing them) and I’d forgotten how good they were. They really hold up well over time.

Recent SNLs: Nothing super noteworthy in any of the episodes, I like the new guys. I was introduced to that great Megan Thee Stallion song Anxiety, which I can’t stop playing. The worst sketch I’ve seen in years was that Jack Harlow one with the joker. Just awful. Oh, and Colin Farrell looks alarmingly good.

Celebrity Jeopardy: I solely watched because I love Ike Barinholtz (and he was great). But look, I know that Celebrity Jeopardy is, like, the easiest Jeopardy to exist. I understand that. But I had no idea how incredibly dumb most celebrities are. I mean, I know they’re not exactly known for their IQ levels but this was actually just wild to watch. Every single person on each episode I saw was a complete moron (with the exception of Ike and Simu Liu).

Barbarian: so great, loved every bit of it. Bill Skarsgård remains as hot as always. (Sidenote: I was gushing about Skarsgård later to Nathan before bed and he scoffed and dismissed it so I asked him, “You probably don’t even have an answer, but who would you consider an attractive celebrity man?” and without even a second of hesitation he goes, “Pierce Brosnan in ‘97.” Hahahahahah, god I died. He’s not wrong.)

Some things I’m looking forward to this month: I’ve already put my order in for this year’s bayberry candles, I’m finally going to read Dave Grohl’s book, of course I’ll get the Thanksgiving croissant from Milk Bar, I’m definitely gonna go to the NY postcard show, and I’ve already got my ticket to see the Thierry Mugler exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum which opens on the 18th. Oh! And a gentle reminder if you’ve started Christmas shopping: get the damn gift receipt.

If you have any interest in reading what went on in September, come on over here.

Above Photo: Ray of sunshine on my ray of sunshine

#October #monthly roundup #this is liz heather #Liz Heather #what happened in october #things to do #things to do NYC #NYC #Best of NYC #Los Angeles #California #things to see LA #AUTUMN #autumn central park #autumn Canada #fall #fall leaves #chihuahua

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tuiccim · 3 years

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Terrigenisis (Part 17)

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Bucky Barnes X Inhuman!Reader

Words: 1700

Summary: After undergoing terrigenisis unwillingly your life is turned upside down when you are deemed too dangerous to return to life as a civilian. You are put with the Avengers team to train and rebuild. As you hone your powers and skills, you must also decide if you can find home and love again. Or is your curse to be a lonely wanderer forever?

Warnings: a god of Mischief (He’s a warning, okay?)

Terrigenisis Series Masterlist Divider by @firefly-graphics

You lounged on the lawn furniture in the back of the compound watching Dizzy run in joyful circles as Redtail made loops overhead. You had brought a tennis ball out and Dizzy was adorable as she ran around with it in her mouth. Occasionally, she’d drop it in your laugh and you’d throw it out into the expanse of lawn. You laughed as she leapt into action each time the ball was thrown. Redtail would swoop down every now and then to tease the dog.

The rest of the team was out on missions or meetings. Sam, Steve, and Bucky had been sent on a mission yesterday afternoon and you were enjoying some down time. It felt like it had been some time since it had happened. You stretched lazily, basking in the feel of the sun on your skin and the feeling of contentment.

You hear footsteps approaching and turn to see Loki walking towards you. He had been in a meeting with Thor, Tony, and Maria Hill when you had checked earlier.

“Hi. How’d the meeting go?” You greet the god.

“It went well. Nothing of grave importance,” Loki takes the chair next to you, “What are you up to?”

“Relaxing in this glorious weather,” you see his eyes take in your tank top, jean shorts, and sandals. “You know, I’ve never seen you in anything except the leather. Is there casual wear on Asgard?”

“Simple tunics and robes but, as prince and warrior, I do not wear them often.” Loki raises an eyebrow at you.

“I see. What about for Tony’s party this weekend? Will you wear this?” you motion to his attire.

“I plan to wear a suit.” Loki chuckles.

“I look forward to seeing that. Isn’t the leather hot though? It’s 80 today.”

“I could strip for you if you’d like.” Loki smirks playfully.

“That’s okay,” you hold your hands up in defeat.

“Is this better?” Loki’s form shimmers for a moment before revealing him in bermuda shorts and hawaiin shirt.

You grin, “I like it! You look ready for a beach vacation.” You stare at Loki for a moment, wondering about his personal life. He knew a lot about you but rarely revealed much about himself. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, darling. Anything.”

“Do you have… someone? Here or on Asgard or… somewhere?” you stammer through the question.

“Your two lovers are not enough for you?” Loki chuckles.

“They’re plenty for me. You don’t talk about yourself much, Lok. I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to but I’m curious about you. We’re friends and so I wonder, is there someone? Are you a player? Are you a monk? You know my story. You haven’t given me much of yours. Have you ever been in love?”

Loki studies you for a moment and then nods as if deciding something to himself, “I suppose I would be what you Midgardians refer to as a player.”

“Love ‘em and leave ‘em?” you giggle.

“I suppose. There’s only ever been one person who…” Loki trails off.

“Who what?”

“Who I thought I could fall for.”

“What happened?” You question.

“She belongs to another.” Loki says as he looks away.

“She belongs only to herself.” You counter.

“Of course. She’s engaged to another.”

“I’m sorry.” You tell him.

“Thank you.” Loki pauses to contemplate before asking, “Are you happy? You’ve been through a lot in your short life.”

You smile at the statement, “I’m not that young, Loki.”

“I’m over 1000 years old.” Loki deadpans.

“True,” you laugh, amazed at the lifespan of Asgardians, “Yes. I am happy. This isn’t what I imagined my life to be. Terrigenisis tore my world apart but you make the best of what you have. I have a family in the team, lovers in Steve and Bucky, friends, a purpose. This is… home.”

“And I’m your friend?” Loki asks.

“Of course you are.”

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll betray you at some point? I mean, I am notorious.”

“I trust you, Loki. I think I know your heart, but understand that I live by the statement, ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.’ I may let someone make a fool of me once but I won’t let them a second time. Once you lose my trust, it’s gone and would take a great deal to earn it back,” you explain.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I have to trust you. I’m letting you play with my brain.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Giving me a chance. Trusting me. Seeing me as something other than the villain that I was.”

“You’re more than your past. Oh!” you exclaim when a slobber covered ball is dropped in your lap. “Hi Dizz.” you laugh and throw the ball for her.

“She has you well trained.” Loki smirks.

“That she does. Speaking of training, are you up for another session?” you ask.

“Same time as always, darling. I’ll see you then.” Loki gets up.

“See ya later, friend,” you watch as Loki walks back to the building, dropping the glamour to reveal his normal outfit as he walks. He sends you a brief wave before walking into the building. Your attention is pulled away when Dizzy drops the ball in your lap again. Time to play.

You get to the training room early to do some climbing and ended up in the rafters as you were known to do. You were just about to climb down when Loki entered with Thor trailing behind him.

“Drop it, brother,” Loki grouses at him.

“Just tell me you aren’t playing at anything with her and I will,” Thor demands.

“Mortals are your weakness,” Loki rolls his eyes at his brother.

“Love is not weakness, Loki.”

“I do not feel that way about her. She is a friend. Much like Sif is to you.” Loki says pointedly.

“That’s all I wanted, brother,” Thor smiles.

You clear your throat loudly, “Good afternoon, gentlemen.”

Loki looks up at you in amusement, “How long have you been there?”

“Well before you came in,” you wink at him.

Thor looks at you sheepishly, “I’ll let you two get to your training.”

“Okay. See ya later,” you are holding in your giggle as you make your way to the climbing rope and jump to it. When you slide to the floor, you look into Loki’s mischievous eyes and you both burst into laughter. When it’s spent you say dramatically, “Loki! I can no longer control myself. I must swoon into your arms!” You pretend to faint against him and he catches you.

“You’re ridiculous.” Loki narrows his eyes at you.

“Yup! And you, my friend, are stuck with me!” You stand back up.

“You know that won’t be the last time someone will make the insinuation.” Loki says quietly.

“People have a hard time believing a man and woman can be just friends,” you shrug.

“That is true. Can I ask you something?” Loki asks.

“Of course.”

“Hypothetically, would you have been able to fall in love with me if…” Loki trails off.

“I don’t think I would let myself fall in love with any Asgardian,” you admit.

“Why?”

“How old are you, Loki?”

“A little over a thousand years.”

“Exactly. Asgardians live for around 5,000 years, right?”

“Yes.”

“That’s why. Humans live maybe 80 years. That’s a blink in comparison. I’ve lost a lot of people who are important to me in my life. I don’t think I could purposely put someone through that. Falling for an Asgardian, letting them fall for you, would mean making them watch you die while they live on for millenia. I don’t think I could do that to someone, ever. It’s difficult enough being friends and knowing that. Being lovers, it would be unbearable.”

Loki nods, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

You smile at him, glad he understands. “How about we get to work?”

“Let’s go, darling.”

Over the past week, you had worked up to slipping into Loki’s mind without the unbearable pain. It still caused a headache but you were able to see through his eyes and communicate in a similar fashion to how you did with animals. Today, you were attempting to take control of Loki’s movement. It wasn’t easy. Just lifting his hand took a toll. You drop the warg after a moment.

“What’s wrong?” Loki looks concerned.

“It’s difficult. The pain is worse,” you explain.

“Why don’t you warg and I’ll do some magic? Just play around a bit.”

“Okay. Sounds fun,” you warg back into Loki. He begins doing some simple tricks and you watch in delight. You try to concentrate on the motions he makes, the feel of the magic flowing through him, and his thought process as he works. A picture flashes in Loki’s mind and you catch a glimpse of a beautiful face before he forces it away.

“Does she know?” You ask in his head.

“What?” Loki hedges.

“Does she know?” you drop the warg.

“No.” Loki says.

“Then she’s not.”

“Not what?”

“She’s not lost to you. How do you know she doesn’t feel the same way?” you push.

“She… I… I don’t… She couldn’t-”

“Oh, I’m gonna stop you right there. She could. She really could, but if you never told her how you feel, what’s she supposed to do?”

“She’s engaged.” Loki insists.

“She’s not married, Loki. You should tell her. Wouldn’t it be better to know?”

“What?”

“At least then you’d know. Either she doesn’t and you have closure to move on. Or she does and you two can figure it out. ‘Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all’, right? Better to say it and know than to spend the next few millennia wondering,” you needle.

“I…” Loki falters with a far away look in his eyes.

“Just promise me you’ll think about it.”

“I will.” Loki nods.

“Good,” you see Loki’s concentration is completely gone, “Why don’t we leave it for today?”

“Oh. Yes, good. I’ll see you later.” Loki walks away lost in thought.

“Later, loverboy,” you whisper with a chuckle to yourself.

Part 18

Tuiccim’s Masterlist

Permanent: @badassbaker @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger @cherthegoddess @sherlocksmanwatson @cap-n-stuff @finleyjayne @caplanreads @connie326 @daydreamerinadazedworld @bugsbucky @chrisevanscardigan @harrysthiccthighss @palaiasaurus64 @rebekahdawkins @tllynn15 @learisa @jelly-fishy-babie @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @liebs82 @stuckyslutt @a-really-bi-girl @saiyanprincessswanie @baddie-barnes @aikeia @marvelgirl7 @starlightcrystalline @kcd15 @slytherinambitious @sallycanwait68 @slytherdorxmd @fangirlforever2412 @rainbowkisses31 @whisperlullaby @thejemersoninferno @thehumanistsdiary @supraveng @dispatchvampire @juenenfeu @sxbby-barnes @allonszassbutt @y-napotat @is-it-madness @harold231 @buckysbaby32 @purselover2 @ene-rene @chrisevansbaby @mrsbarnes-rogers @sarahp879 @rosesanchez12298806 @xxpapasfritasxx @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @softie-socks @bestofbucky @bella-bear03 @randomfandompenguin @jjsoccer11 @hiddles-rose @courtneychicken @pureromancebykaci @awaywithtime @automatic-tragedy @ximebebx @magnoliamermaid @milkymil-k @get-me-some-chai-bitch @freckleblaze @angrythingstarlight @unknownmystery22 @please-buckme @daddysdumbsweaterwearingtart @buckysnumberonegirl @buckyfan12 Terrigenisis: @dark-night-sky-99 @amiets2 @captain-asguard @the-soulofdevil @redbarn1995 @dottirose @fallenoutofrose

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emachinescat · 3 years

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Mama Bear

A Tales of Arcadia Fan-Fiction

by @emachinescat @whumptober2021 day 3 - Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But... ("who did this to you?")

Summary: After Jim’s fight with Draal, his mom sees his bruises, and Mama Bear is unleashed. Post-Win, Lose, or Draal.

Whumpee: Jim

Words: 2,603

Note: This fic was inspired by what Barbara said in 1x13 about Jim coming home from school covered in bruises. As is my way, I took the idea and ran with it.

TW: none

Barbara Lake had always considered herself incredibly lucky that her son turned out as well as he did. It wasn’t her own doing, she was sure of that – she always did the best she could, but being a single mom meant she’d had to work extra shifts to support her small family and never felt like she was there enough.

No, Jim was just a really good kid.

Not many moms could boast that their sixteen-year-old son could cook better than they could, let alone that they made gourmet lunches and dinners (and breakfasts, on most weekends), not just willingly, but happily. And not many moms could brag that their sixteen-year-old son did the dishes or kept the house clean or put aside his own wants and dreams to take care of his overworked mother. Who got up early to leave flowers on their bedside table after a long night at work, or who tucked them in after they fell asleep on top of the covers, still in their scrubs, because they’d been too exhausted to do anything else.

Barbara tried not to brag too much about Jim. She knew that he did have a social life of his own, and as far as she could tell, he was fairly well liked at school and she didn’t want to embarrass him if any of his friends found out just how much he doted on his mother. But sometimes she couldn’t help it, and she’d find herself rambling to her beautician or the nurses at the hospital or sometimes even a long-suffering patient about how her son was one-of-a-kind. He didn’t get into trouble at school, didn’t fight, didn’t skip school, and almost never missed curfew.

Until one day, he did.

It wasn’t even like it was a gradual change. There was no slow fade. She didn’t watch him slowly descend into bad grades or late nights or midnight calls about museum break-ins. There were no signs. He went to bed one day, the same as ever, and then suddenly he was getting into trouble at school, getting into fist fights, missing curfew, breaking into museums in the dead of night. Not only that but his grades – which had always been slightly higher than average – had plummeted, and he’d developed dark circles under his eyes like he never slept and sometimes he moved around like he was an eighty-year-old man and though his good nature and kind heart remained, it seemed strained at times. He still did sweet things for her, but not as often.

At first, she’d thought he was burning the proverbial candle at both ends and his lack of sleep was taking a toll on his mental and physical health. As a doctor, she’d seen firsthand what lack of sleep could do to a person. Their entire personality would change, or fizzle out, and their judgment would be severely impaired.

But then she’d seen the bruises and her sleep-loss theory flew out of the window.

***

Two weeks ago

Barbara thought boundaries and independence were a valuable part of a child’s development, so she always knocked before she entered Jim’s room. Of course, if he were gone, she wouldn’t bother.

On this particular day – one of her rare days off – she was sure he wasn’t home. She hadn’t heard him come in, hadn’t seen his bike propped up against the side of the house or in the garage. The container of store-bought chocolate chip cookies (she had neither the time nor skill to bake them herself) she’d left out for him hadn’t been touched. For all appearances, Jim hadn’t gotten home from school yet.

And so, she didn’t knock as she approached his bedroom door with a laundry basket propped on her hip. Jim always did his own laundry, but she’d seen how tired and overworked he’d been lately and wanted to ease his burden however she could.

The sight that greeted her when she nudged open the door and flipped on the light was one that would stick with her, tattooed onto her mind’s eye, for the rest of her life.

Jim was asleep on top of his unmade bed. It looked like he’d gotten halfway undressed and then decided to forgo comfort for sleep, and lay on his stomach in only his jeans. One shoe was on, the other halfway under the bed. But what arrested her attention so violently was the great rainbow of bruises arching across his back and stretched around his side, disappearing beneath his stomach where he lay on the bed.

She couldn’t help herself. A horrified shriek escaped her, and Jim sprung up so quickly it made her head spin. The panicked look in his eyes did not escape her notice, nor did the way he made a desperate reach for his pocket, like he was trying to grab something – trying to defend himself? When he saw who was in his room, and that they were alone, and that there was no danger, the raw fear faded, though a hint of panic remained.

“Mom!” he squawked, crossing his arms across his chest like that would be enough to hide the dizzying array of green, purple, yellow, and black that blanketed his chest. She noticed with surprise the lean muscles of his arms. Jim had always been fit, but never strong. He’d never said anything about a gym and he’d never been serious about sports, but she filed this information away for later and focused on the problem at hand.

Her stomach twisted as her doctor’s eyes traveled slowly, deliberately down her son’s bare torso. The bruises were worse on his stomach and chest, something she hadn’t thought possible, and she realized with horror that some of them were days, maybe weeks, older than others. This – whatever this was – was not an isolated incident.

Rage like she’d never felt before, like the protective energy of all mothers who had come before her collected into one finely-honed sword, pierced her soul as she came to the only conclusion that made any logical sense: Someone had done this to her son.

When she spoke, she barely recognized her own voice, cold as the furthest depth of the ocean, shaking with unmitigated fury.

“Who did this to you?”

Jim’s answer didn’t surprise her, but she also didn’t believe it for a second. “No one. It… was an accident.” She watched, lips crammed together in an impossibly thin line, teeth grinding against one another, her hands trembling with a righteous anger she had no outlet for, as Jim slowly reached out for the shirt he’d left in a heap at the end of the bed, the other arm still wrapped protectively around his torso. She didn’t stop him. She would absolutely be examining his injuries fully before the evening was done, but for now, she’d seen enough. The sight of her son’s bruised flesh would burn in her memory forever, more clearly than when she saw it right in front of her.

Skittishly, like a cat caught sniffing around back alley garbage cans, he snatched up the shirt and swiftly pulled it over his head. He couldn’t hide the flinch as he raised his arms to pull the fabric over his head. As he did so, she got the full view of his torso, and the wild, impossible thought flitted through her mind that it almost looked like some giant hand had wrapped around his body and squeezed. The image, however nonsensical, sent waves of nausea crashing through her. Her anger swelled again, and the crest of it burst forth, no longer containable, and the only person she could release it on was the one who was actively lying to her.

“James Lake, Jr. – do you think I’m an idiot?!”

Jim froze, his hands stilling completely as he adjusted the neck of his tee. He had never heard his mother direct such cold fury at anyone, let alone himself. “W-what? Of course not, Mom. I just–”

“You expect me to believe that you accidentally hurt yourself this badly? That you woke up one morning and you were covered in bruises? Jim, I’m a doctor. I see people come in for less than this. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have fractured ribs.” Now the anger was giving way to panic. “And don’t think that I haven’t noticed that some bruises are newer than others. This isn’t something that just ‘happened’ and it’s not an accident. So tell me. Who – the – hell – did this to my son?”

A small, ridiculous surge of satisfaction bubbled up inside of her as she watched Jim’s mouth fall open. He’d never heard his mother utter a word stronger than darn before. She’d always been very careful about the language she used in front of him. But his condition released something feral inside of her, and it was honestly a bit of a shock that nothing stronger came out.

She watched his face, saw the conflict in his eyes, knew with even more surety that he was hiding something big from her and trying to decide if he was going to answer truthfully. Well, tough luck. He wasn’t leaving his bedroom until he answered her question.

He must have seen this in her eyes, for after a moment, he dropped his gaze. Heavily, he sat down on the foot of his bed and stared down at his hands. “Mom, I… can’t. I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

At this, the fear took center stage again, and Barbara fell to her knees in front of her son, cupping his face in her hands. The tears she’d been holding back with such determination threatened to fall at the way he unconsciously leaned into her touch. His eyes closed briefly, and for a moment he was a child again, sniffling from a scraped knee and being comforted by his mother. That moment ended all too quickly, because his scraped knee was actually a bruised and battered torso, and he wasn’t a child anymore, and he was in trouble.

“Jim. Whatever is going on, I promise, I won’t be angry. But someone is hurting you. You can’t deny that. What is happening to my son?” She tried not to speculate – dared not speculate – but so many possibilities chased themselves through her head, each one worse than the last. Bullies? Abusive teacher? Drugs?

He sat for a moment, a slumped, defeated statue with too much weight on his young shoulders – Young Atlas, Walter’s voice echoed in her mind. She saw the exact moment when he made his decision. He squared his shoulders, set his jaw, and met her eyes once more. Something brewed within those beautiful blue depths, but what it was she couldn’t say. Was it regret? Guilt? Fear?

“It really was an accident,” he finally said, voice slow and measured.

“Jim, really–!”

“I’m telling the truth, Mom!” he insisted so fervently that she was tempted to believe him. Almost.

“Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?” she demanded. “What kind of ‘accident’–”

“A Vespa one,” Jim blurted, and his eyes flickered down to his hands in shame. “I… a friend gave me a ride on his Vespa. I was on the back and got thrown off and rolled halfway down the embankment before a tree caught me right in the ribs.”

Fresh panic wormed its way into Barbara’s mind at Jim’s confession. As horrible as it was, part of her desperately wanted to believe him. If he had been in a vehicle accident, then no one had been deliberately hurting her child. It was just his own irresponsibility and stupidity.

“When did this happen?”

A beat. Then, sheepishly, “... yesterday.”

But – “What about the older bruises, Jim? Did you get into two Vespa accidents?”

“Paintball,” Jim answered without missing a beat. “We had a whole thing a few months back. Guys versus girls. And I got hit. A lot.”

Barbara recalled clearly the size and location of the older bruises that had peeked out from underneath the fresh, reaching ones. They could have easily been from punches or kicks, but it was feasible that the bruises could have come from being shot at close-range by a paintball gun.

Deep down, something still nagged at her. But Jim’s explanation was a siren’s call and she was so tired of swimming.

“Do you promise me you’re telling the truth?” The gaze she fixed on him one would have withered a succulent.

Without hesitation, Jim answered, his voice clear, strong, and insistent. “Yes.”

Relief flooded through her, and she squashed the last remaining doubts, perhaps a bit too eagerly. “In that case, you are grounded.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “What, really? You promised you wouldn’t be angry!?”

“I’m not angry, I’m disappointed. Let’s see, you know how I feel about both paintball and those Vespas and yet you went behind my back and nearly got yourself killed. You’ve been lying to me, Jim, keeping secrets. Is this why you’ve not been sleeping? Why you’ve been so distant?” It didn’t explain why he’d been getting into more trouble than usual, but right now she would take what she could get.

The slightest of hesitations. “Yeah.”

She considered, eyes burning into him, for a long moment, then she sighed, the sound of every evil thing escaping Pandora’s box, and she clapped her hands together briskly. “Okay, come on.”

Jim cocked his head to the side. “Where are we going?”

“The hospital.”

Jim groaned. “Mom, I’m okay. I’m just bruised.”

“I’m not taking any chances, mister. You could have fractured ribs. You should have been rushed to the hospital as soon as the accident happened. Who is this friend, anyway? Why didn’t he take you to the E.R.?”

Jim scratched the side of his neck. “You wouldn’t know him,” he evaded, and Barbara made a promise to herself to revisit this point later. “And we were afraid we’d get into trouble…”

“Well, you did, kiddo. Now, get up. We’re going to the hospital, you’re getting x-rays, and then we’re getting ice cream.”

Jim blinked up at her. She wondered if he realized his arm was curled protectively around his ribs as he slowly eased himself off the bed. “Ice cream? I thought I was grounded.”

“You’re hurt, Jim, and I’m your mother. I’m not a monster.” A soft smile pulled at the corners of Jim’s mouth at her words, and not wanting him to get too comfortable, she added, “You are grounded, though. Absolutely. You’re not going anywhere after school for at least two weeks. And depending on the x-rays, you might not be leaving your bed for a while, either.”

“Mooom.”

“Don’t you ‘mom’ me. Now, put your other shoe on. Let’s hussle. I want you looked at as soon as possible.”

What she didn’t see as she turned to leave the room was the heavy curtain of guilt being drawn over Jim’s face.

Later, she’d drive him home with a diagnosis of two cracked ribs and deep bruising across 80 percent of his torso and a bottle of muscle relaxers for the pain. They’d get ice cream and he would mope about bedrest and she would try to cheer him up (but not too much; he was still grounded, after all). But behind the pain of his injuries lurked a deeper, fierer ache that no balm could soothe, no medication could ease.

With every lie, he could feel the chasm widen between him and his mother, and it hurt more than a few broken ribs and bruises ever could.

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jisungsmochi · 3 years

Text

rest your love - lee haechan

don’t worry!! i didn’t forget about this series hehe,, i personally really liked this one!! i’m probably going to try and write more often!

anyways pls enjoy,, i’ll link my masterlist for the other parts of this series (nct dream as ‘the vamps’ songs)

word count: 2.2k

summary: “when the world gets loud, baby you can rest your love on me”

haechan never understood why people liked to be chased. he thought that all he needed to do was ask someone out and boom, a beautiful relationship. until he befriends you, and learns that sometimes people just need a shoulder to lean on, before they can rest their love on someone.

I see you move, so I do understand

Why you get attention?

I hear you talk, but I don't comprehend

Why I get no mention?

“it’s physically impossible to dislike me, i’m just a catch” haechan brags while walking to his first college class, his friends, renjun and jaemin trailing behind him.

“just because everyone liked you in high school, doesn’t mean people will in college. it’s a completely different ball game” renjun rolled his eyes at how overly optimistic and delusional his friend was being.

“ah let him live, he’ll find out soon enough” jaemin chuckles softly as he and renjun wave to haechan, scurrying off to their own lectures.

haechan shrugs, not taking in any of his friends words. he stumbled into the classroom, scanning for an empty seat. he quickly made his way to a spare desk, pulling out all his materials. just as the tutor walked into the room, his eyes met those of, who he believed, was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. you flaunted your way to the last empty seat, which happened to be next to the awfully cheery boy, smiling at you.

you weren’t having the best day, immediately regretting your choice of a desk mate. as soon as you sat down, haechan was a blabbering mess. he shot questions left and right at you, despite the fact you barely responded to any of them. you just assumed he wanted to make friends fast, or he was just a chatterbox. “so how are you doing on this fine day?” he mutters to you, but received a stern glare in response. you tilted your head to the front of the room, zoning in on your tutor. haechan would lie if he said he didn’t feel slightly deflated. usually he had no problem making conversation with strangers. but you were so cold, so uninterested, it really hurt his ego. maybe renjun was right, not everyone would like him. but haechan was an unbelievably stubborn optimist. he was going to befriend you, no matter how long it took.

And you know, you know where to find me

Yeah, you know where to go when you're looking for love

And you know, you know where I'm hiding

Yeah, you know

it had been over three weeks since haechan first met you and you still wouldn’t budge. you only spoke to him during group tasks, other than that you continued to ignore his advances. haechan got the message loud and clear that you weren’t going to pay him attention. it took a toll on his own self confidence, until renjun gave him a stern talking to,

“god don’t let her get to your head, dude!! she’s awful for not wanting to be friends with you”

haechan pouted, “but she’s so pretty, i can’t just ignore her”

at that moment, he received a notification on his phone.

y/n: is this haechan? i think you took my notes by accident

his eyes widened, how did you even get his facebook account?

he scrambled around his room, looking into his backpack and surely enough, there were your notes, prettily written up.

haechan: hello! i do have your notes, i can meet you somewhere to hand it back? maybe the cafe? we can get something to eat!

renjun was now peering over haechan’s shoulder, too invested in this interaction.

y/n: no it’s fine, just give it to me next class, thanks

after reading your message, renjun bursted out laughing.

“dude that’s brutal, she’s something else” haechan fiddled with his phone, glaring at the other boy. he clicked on your profile, sending you a friend request as he scrolled through your posts. he saw that your friends had wished you a happy birthday, almost a year ago. he then realised it was in a few days...

“i have the perfect plan to get her to notice me” haechan smirks, renjun rolling his eyes,

“you’re ridiculous”

it was a friday afternoon, when haechan stumbled into class. you looked over at him, expecting some type of greeting, but you didn’t hear a peep from the boy.

strange, you thought to yourself.

as you were preparing for the lesson, haechan pulled something out of his bag. you looked over, noticing a small pink box now placed on your side of the table. you raised your eyebrow at him, in which he whispered,

“happy birthday, y/n”

your face froze. how did he know it was your birthday?

you looked back at the small box, slowly moving your hands to open it. to your surprise, there was a red velvet cupcake, decorated with a ton of rainbow sprinkles. there was a tiny picket that said:

“happy birthday, cutie!”

you couldn’t hide your smile, which only made haechan swoon even more. you weren’t the type to make a big deal out of your birthday, but this gesture from haechan truly made your day. you bit your lip softly, eyes meeting his.

“t-thankyou, haechan. i really appreciate this” you smiled at him softly, not caring that you were now on speaking terms with him.

“anything for you, y/n” he cheerfully responded, turning his attention to the front of the room.

maybe lee haechan was worth letting in...

the days following, haechan would spam you with random texts throughout the day. initially you would have been annoyed, but after his generous birthday gift, you started to enjoy his company. although you wouldn’t say it to his face, you silently appreciated him.

“how is my beautiful, y/n doing?” he smirked as he walked with you after class. he’d always compliment you, each time making you gush inside.

“i’m alright, have a ton of homework to do though” you sigh, thinking back to the stack of work you had on your desk.

“oh poor thing! do you want to copy my work? i have it here right now i ca-“

“no, haechan, it’s okay. if i need help, i’ll just...call you or something” you paused, looking over at the boy whose eyes just lit up like a christmas tree.

“of course you can call me! call me anytime you want!” he exclaimed. you shake your head softly at him as you both continued walking.

once haechan met up with renjun and jaemin again, he couldn’t stop gushing about you.

“...and then she said i could call her! well she said she’d call me, but same thing” he explained your interaction to his two friends as they were eating at a local diner.

“so romantic” renjun sarcastically comments, causing jaemin to elbow him slightly.

“i think it’s a good step! i mean atleast she’s talking to you now” jaemin chimed in, feeding into his friend’s cheerful nature.

“yeah! i have a lot of hope for us” haechan smiles to himself, in which jaemin and renjun looked over at eachother before rolling their eyes.

you did end up calling haechan that night, as you were stuck on the very last question of the homework.

“y/n, it’s hard to explain, let me just send you my answer” haechan insisted,

“no, i feel guilty” you sigh, placing down your pen.

“it’s really okay, i want to help you” you bit your lip, eventually giving in.

“okay fine, but i’ll owe you something in return” you agree, hoping whatever he wanted wouldn’t be too bad.

“hmmm how about going to the movies with me this weekend? i know you wanted to see the new zombie one that just came out” he suggested. although you were shocked he was practically asking you on a date, were more shocked he remembered you talking about this movie.

“do you really think that is proportionate to what you’re doing for me?” you roll your eyes playfully, finding his advances quite endearing.

“yep!! take it or leave it” you hesitated for a moment, what’s the worst that could happen?

“okay fine, you have yourself a deal” you replied. haechan quickly put himself on mute (or so he thought), letting out a loud ‘YES!’, before returning to the call. you had heard everything, softly chuckling to yourself.

he was pretty cute.

That when the stars go out, you can rest your love on me

And when the world gets loud, baby, you can rest your love on me

“that ending was terrible” you pouted as you left the cinema with haechan.

“it wasn’t so bad, it could have been worse” he shrugged, leading you to the next location.

“hm i guess so, by the way, where are we going anyway?” you questioned, walking alongside him, observing your surroundings.

“this cool burger place i found online, here i’ll show you some photos” he pulled out his phone, swiping through the photos. you nodded along, agreeing to let him lead the way.

“y/n? is that you?” you heard a deep voice call, you head shot up, so did haechan’s.

“who’s that?” your mouth went dry. your body froze up. why was he here? why did he have to call out to you?

“oh my god it is you! long time no see” the mysterious boy approached the pair of you, completely disregarding haechan’s existence. he noticed how uncomfortable you were, eyes flickering between the boy and you. he placed his arm loosely around your back, the other boy’s eyes following in suit.

“oh i see, you’re dating someone. dang, i guess i missed my shot. he doesn’t seem like your type” the boy scoffed, arms folded as he stared you both down.

“w-we have to go” you finally bring yourself to mutter, pulling haechan along with you.

“y/n who was that?” haechan kept repeating, which only made you want to cry.

“he’s my ex, okay? just take me home” you sniffled, haechan immediately became concerned. he didn’t ask any further questions, driving you straight back to your place.

as he reached your house, he looked over at you, tears brimming your eyes.

“i-i’m sorry that our day was cut short. i was really enjoying myself. my ex and i ended on pretty bad terms and i would just like some time alone right now, i hope you understand” you sniffled, which made haechan’s heart ache.

“you don’t have to apologise. you know where to find me if you need me. i’ll be waiting for you to open up to me one day, y/n. however long it takes” he assures you, leaving you with a warm feeling in your stomach. you just nodded back at him, making your way into your house.

haechan sat in his car for a while, wishing he could take away all your pain.

you invited haechan to meet you at the local park. with no further questions, he rushed out of his room, eager to see you again. you waited patiently on the small bench, swinging your legs back and forth. you heard heavy footsteps approach, your eyes meeting those of the boy who radiated happiness.

“are you alright?” haechan starts as he takes a seat next to you, leaving a small gap between you both.

“y-yeah, i’m ready to tell you everything” you began,

“he and i ‘dated’ two years ago. i say ‘dated’ because well, i thought we were, but turns out he was just another player and i was just another pawn in his little game. it was my first relationship too, messed me up pretty bad. that’s why i tend to keep to myself, not really letting others in too much. he made me feel like every guy who gave me attention just wanted me for their own selfish needs” you sigh, eyes avoiding haechan’s. he wanted to hold your hand, but opted not to.

“he’s an asshole, you didn’t deserve that. i-i could treat you so much better i promise-“

“haechan, c-can we just slow things down?” you finally made eye contact with him, his face contorting into a confused expression.

“i know you like me, and i would be lying if i said i didn’t have a slight interest in you too. but i don’t think i’m ready for a relationship yet” you admit, worried for his reaction. but to your surprise, he didn’t feel sad or dejected at all. instead he smiled widely at you, leaning in closer.

“i’ll go as slow as you want. you can rest your love on me, whenever you need. i’m just glad to hear you like me too” he batted his eyelids, making you softly chuckle.

“thankyou” you whispered to him, moving closer so that your shoulders touched. the rest of the day was filled with random activities from the arcade, to a bike ride along the park’s trail and finally dinner. haechan came to realise that being with somebody wasn’t black and white. there was a grey area that lied in between. he didn’t care how long he needed to wait, all he knew was that he finally got you to like him. and that was enough to make him the happiest man alive.

#lee haechan #haechan fic #nct dream imagines #nct dream fic #nct imagine #haechan imagine #lee donghyuck #nct haechan imagine #nct writing #nct fics #nct college au #nct au #jisungsmochiimagines #jisungsmochi masterlist

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strxwberrysmoothii · 3 years

Text

“Him” part 2

The next thing Y/N knew, she woke up to the peaceful chirping of birds outside her room and the comfort of her bed. Her head pounded, throbbed with pain from the previous crying of the night before. She must have fallen asleep in Aizawa's arms; the act of sobbing her soul out took a toll on, well, her soul.

She wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, so that's what she did, just like every other day. She stayed in bed, not having the motivation or will to do anything but that.

She turned her head and saw another stupid fucking photo. Some might wonder why she hadn't taken these troublesome photos down, put them away or simply burn them.

The answer was yet another simple one.

She couldn't.

She tried many times, believe that, but she never could go through with it. Burning photos of the one person she really, truly, solely loved could be compared to the act of saying the cruelest of things to the one person you really, truly, and solely love. You just can't do it, even if you had a gun to your head.

So she kept them, as much as it completely and utterly destroyed and broke her.

Y/N looked at her alarm clock. It told her that It was two in the afternoon. At that, she couldn't help but crack a small smile, memories of him and Y/N sleeping together until well past that time on the weekends flooding her mind.

Again, the memories. Ones she cannot remake or revisit. Ones that only stay in her head. Ones that will remain in her head for the rest of her life.

She didn't think it was possible, but tears started brimming her eyes again. She swallowed thickly, not wanting to cry anymore. It didn't help, and she let the sobs overcome her mind, body, and soul.

She cried until she physically couldn't, at least for the time being, which was around three hours later. Who knew someone could cry for hours upon hours.

After she wiped her face for the hundredth and final time for the moment, she looked up at the ceiling. It was only until your stomach rumbled loudly enough to alert the whole dormitory that she finally decided to get up, even though she desperately didn't want to.

How can getting out of bed be so difficult? It was like trying to lift five-hundred pounds without having any muscle.

Though thoroughly difficult, Y/N lifted the five0hundred pounds and slipped her slippers on, and walked out of her room to get food from the kitchen downstairs.

Every step was heavy and challenging, and Y/N wanted nothing more than to turn and go back to her room; the only thing stopping her is her unsettled stomach.

She reached the kitchen and was met with the eyes of Bakugou, Kaminari, Iida, and Yaoyorozu. They all looked shocked, but more so, they looked concerned.

To hell with them.

It was an awful thought. Most would say something like, "these are good people, why would you wish hell on them?" Simple.

To hell with everyone, except for maybe Kaminari and Aizawa. They understood more than any of them.

Kaminari was the first to speak, cheeky grin and energetic as always.

"Hey Y/N! Sleep good, I'm assuming?"

Y/N nods and walks past him to the fridge and grabs her daily intake of Cup of Noodles, chicken flavor, though all of the flavors taste the same. She fills it up with water like the instructions say and pops it into the microwave, wanting to get out of the room as fast as possible.

This time, the voice speaking belonged to Iida, "Y/N, it's unhealthy to eat that many Cup of-"

He was cut off by the sound of Bakugou, "She can eat whatever she wants, leave her alone."

Bakugou was one of the two people who knew that ramen was Y/N's comfort food, the other one being Him, and apparently the only one who realized this was the only way she could get ramen without having to wait at least five minutes.

She looked over at Bakugou and gave him a small nod of appreciation before looking back down. A minute later, the microwave went off, and Y/N grabbed a fork and the cup before she started back to her room.

She quickly ate, wanting to get back to bed, and tossed the cup into the overflowing trash, which was flooding over with a fair amount of those stupid foam cups. He also loved ramen, Cup of Noodles specifically. Y/N never knew why because homemade ramen was better to her, but he always picked that shit over the good stuff. It didn't bother her too much then because more for her, right? But at this moment, she wanted nothing more than to ask him. Why pick the shitty ramen over the good ramen? Did he really just think it tasted better? Did he do that so she could have more of the good stuff? That sounds like him. Always giving, never selfish except when it came to his desire of being a hero.

Well.

Look where that got him.

His passion for being a hero.

Without warning, she was crying again.

"I HATE THEM," she shouted from the top of her lungs. "I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM!"

The door was burst open again, and she looked over, seeing Aizawa again. Was he just hanging around her door all the time? It seemed like it, and it also seems like something he would do.

"What's wrong?" he looked panicked and worried.

Sobs retook control, and she yelled.

"THEY TOOK HIM! THEY TOOK HIM FROM ME! I HATE THEM!"

Aizawa immediately wrapped her in a hug, his hand pressed on the back of her head and pushing her face into his chest so her sobs and screams and yells were muffled and no one else could hear.

"Shh, I know, Y/N, I know," he spoke softly, trying to calm her down again.

She cried and softly hit his chest, trying to fight out of his grasp but not having the strength; her sobs and shouts absorbed by his chest.

"I hate- I hate them..." she mumbled over and over until she was just crying softly.

Her body fell limp, not having the strength to stand anymore. Aizawa quickly caught her and gently sunk to the floor with her in his arms.

Aizawa grits his teeth and mumbles, "I hate them too."

She felt him place his head on the top of her head and wet drops hitting her scalp. She knew he was crying again, and she didn't move, afraid of ruining his moment of letting go. She softly gripped his shirt and cried with him.

Why the good ones. He always took care of Y/N, physically, emotionally, even sexually. She cried more as the reoccurring thought of not getting his touches, his kisses, his caresses', his hugs, his anything anymore. She really isn't going to get any of it. Not anymore. Not ever.

#bnha shinso x reader #mha shinso hitoshi #shinso x reader #mha shinsou #hitoshi shinso imagine #my hero academia shinsou #character death #mha #bnha angst #bnha #anime

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teaspoon-full-of-sugar · 4 years

Text

wrong

pairing: stanley barber x reader

warnings: drug use (of course), spoilers for season finale, arguments, cursing

word count: 2.2 k

synopsis: in which stanley is in love with his best friend, and y/n has had enough of the distance.

—

Stanley Barber remembers vividly the first time he ever got high.

He was barely 13 when he found his father's stash in the old china chest in the corner of the dining room, and it took him a couple months to gather the courage to actually use it. His mother was gone, claiming to be at the neighbor lady's house for a "wine night"; he later found out that she went there to sleep with the neighbor lady's husband. He couldn't blame her for the affair, though.

Looking back on that night, he sounds a little pitiful. He was by himself, coughing and choking on the burning smoke. He laughed and talked to himself until he passed out, content and calm. It wasn't an overwhelming high, or an exhausting high, or even a powerful high, but he would never forget that night.

The next morning, he woke up with a foggy mind, burning eyes, and a wide smile. He strutted proudly out of his house that morning, his satchel dragging behind him, and quickly caught up to his neighbor, Y/N, who had her baggy hoodie bundled in her arms, wrapped tightly around her middle as she sluggishly walked down the wet sidewalk. He remembers the sour look on her face, her eyes downcast and heavy as she grumbled about how early it was. She gave him an incredulous look when he told her about his escapades the night before; she didn't believe him. A part of him was offended when she started laughing, brows cocked with judgment in her eyes.

"I swear," he said. "I'll prove it to you."

She just rolled her eyes, nudged him with her elbow, and scoffed.

"Sure, Stan."

Later that night, he took her to the basement, offered her a joint, and the rest is history.

That was also the night that Stanley Barber finally admitted to himself that he liked Y/N.

He knew that night they first got high together. He knew when he saw that blissful smile on her lips, when her nose scrunched up when she laughed, and when she fell asleep on his arm, features happy and carefree and relaxed. He knew when they woke the next morning, her eyes swollen with sleep, that he would do anything to see her that happy again.

Now that he's (almost) a man and in high school, he can assuredly say that he loves her.

But Stanley Barber, to put it lightly, is weak, riddled with anxiety and self-doubt, so he's never had the courage to tell her how he feels. Every weekend for the past three years, he has wanted to confess his undying love for her, like in the movies. He's thought about it so many different ways; maybe one night he would hold a boombox outside her house, or he would just gather the courage to kiss her. He dreamed of her, holding his hands one night after getting high, and while he was rambling about the meaning of life, she would cut him off by kissing him, her lips tasting like weed and Oreo's and something that is just uniquely her.

But that never happens.

In his junior year of high school, he is confident for once in his life, and he asks Syd out. He never really considered why he wasn't nervous when he asked Syd out. Perhaps, it was because he was certain she wouldn't say no, or, and this is the more likely scenario of the two, he didn't really care if she shot him down. He didn't care if Sydney refused his advances because she wasn't really the one who he had feelings for; she wasn't the one who occupied his every thought. Sydney wasn't the one who held his heart. God, that sounds stupidly sappy. He hates himself for even thinking that.

But he could learn. He could learn to love her as much as he loves his best friend.

Or at least that's what he tells himself.

Nevertheless, he started seeing more and more of Sydney Novak and less of Y/N. He tried not to notice, but he did. (Of course, he did). Y/N would claim to have to stay in class for lunch to finish a project, and then, she started walking home after school instead of riding home with him. Soon, she stopped showing up to their weekend hangouts, which were once filled with smoke, laughter and blissful stories.

It was a good thing, he told himself over and over. It was a good thing. He needed to get out of that relationship. It was starting to take a toll on his mental health. He eventually started to push Sydney into the void that Y/N once had.

When Sydney told him about her mind powers or whatever, it was just another thing to distract him.

That's all everything was anymore: a distraction from his feelings.

Then, it all went to shit. All those distractions and excuses he made came crumbling down.

It's the night of Homecoming. Sydney left him for Dina as soon as they got there, but he didn't expect any different. Y/N isn't there; no one asked her, and he hadn't bothered seeing if she would want to go with him and Sydney, since she hadn't bothered talking to him for the past weeks, even though it was basically his fault. He doesn't dwell on that thought. Then, Bradley pushed Sydney too far, and well... he lost his head. The drive home is a blur of sirens, flashing lights, and blood. He couldn't find Sydney.

He comes home that night to see Y/N lying on his bed, feet propped up on his pillow with too-big socks slipping off her heels. She doesn't move when he kicks his shoes off, unbuttons his shirt; she doesn't look at him, not even when he slips under the covers beside her.

"How was your night?" He asks, but she doesn't answer, the sound of her shallow breaths being the only sound in the room, besides the buzzing from the old lights by the bar. He sighs. "My night was great. Thanks for asking."

He wants to burst, anger and insecurity making it hard for him to breath. He wants so badly to tell her everything: what's been going on with Sydney, with Bradley; he wants to scream until his lungs give out because he just feels like no one can hear him, or even notice him for that matter. He wants her to know how much he wishes she was with him tonight, how she makes things easier for him. He just wishes she could understand, but she won't, and she never will. Why? Because he is a scared little boy, and that's all he'll ever be.

"Don't be a dick, Stan," she mutters, words slurring together slightly.

"How high are you?"

"Too high," she answers, trying to keep her composure. That's when he notices her legs twitching, her barely open eyes, a half eaten Cosmic Brownie and a crumpled water bottle on the ground.

"Do you need to throw up?" He asks tiredly, knowing how she can get when she's had too much, and, judging by her sluggish movements, she's nearly there.

"No." She says.

They sit in silence, and for the first time in the history of their friendship, it's awkward.

"I'm mad at you," she says suddenly. "I am very angry with you." Her voice breaks toward the end. He can't see it, but a tear slips down Y/N's cheek, wetting her hair.

He never noticed how much of an effect it had on her when he left. Stan was her only friend, and the fact that he left her alone for some other girl made her understand how fragile she feels without Stan beside her. She hates how dependent she is on him, so she did what any other person would do: pushed herself away. She always thought that it was always going to be just her and Stan, but she was sorely mistaken. It was petty, really. It started off with little things, like being snippy whenever he brought Syd up; then it escalated, and it eventually got to the point where she would leave whenever Sydney was going to come over.

When Stan told her that he and Sydney slept together, it was over.

Y/N hated how many tears she cried for him. She hated the fact that she was never good enough for him. She hated having those stupid memories with him, and she hated the fact that she still loved him. Despite the fact that he seemed to care so little about their friendship, despite the pain he put her through, she couldn't get him out of her head; she couldn't sleep without dreaming of him, and her days were plagued with thoughts of him.

And it broke her to see him so happy with someone else.

So, she cut herself out of his life completely because surely, she would be fine on her own, right?

Once again, she was mistaken.

Despite how hurt and resentful she was, she could not stay away.

"Why? Is that why you've been avoiding me? I haven't seen you in weeks, and now, you come around when you need a hit. And you break into my room and use my stash. What the hell, Y/N? You're angry with me? I should be angry with you," he spits, sitting up quickly.

She shakes her head, breathing out through her nose. She turns onto her side, facing away from him. He feels his face heat up, anger and frustration seeping through every pore, but behind all that—the hurt and the resentment—he feels empty and broken.

"Fucking look at me, Y/N," he grits out, his emotions getting the better of him. Stanley has always been a picker; he pushes and pushes until he gets a reaction out of the person. He did the same with Sydney at the bowling alley (and he nearly got his head taken off) and he does the same with his father. Maybe it's to get a reaction or attention.

"Why are you angry with me? Huh?" He asks again, poking her and pulling at her arm to make her look at him.

"What is wrong with me?" She sits up suddenly, making them nose-to-nose. Stan visibly recoils, brows furrowing and lips twitching. She looks tired, her shoulders sagging.

"What?"

"What is so wrong with me, huh?" Her bottom lip trembles, and tears swell in her red, hooded eyes. "I have been with you through everything, with your dad, your mom—" She looks down at her trembling hands, snot dripping from her nose. She wipes it away with the sleeve of her sweater, sighing weakly. "Then, suddenly, that's not enough, and you ditch me for Sydney fucking Novak, and you—you..." The words die on her tongue, and she looks so sad, her lips puckered to keep from crying any more. "You kiss her and hug her and—" She swallows, pain etching her features. She curls into herself, hugging a knee to her chest. "What is so wrong with me?"

Stan is in absolute awe. He wants to pull her into his arms and sink into the comforter, kissing her, but he can barely move, his heart racing in his chest. He stutters, looking for the right words. This is it; this is the moment he has been waiting for. The past three years he has dreamed of her baring her heart to him, professing her undeniable love for him, but he can't even speak. He is, for once in his life, completely at a loss for words. Whether from frustration or elation, he doesn't know, but he can feel tears forming in his eyes, nose burning and skin clammy. He lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding on to, his heart racing.

He shakily puts his hands to the crook of her neck, holding onto her warm skin like a lifeline. He looks down at her lips; they're tucked into her mouth, teeth biting at them nervously. His thumb traces the bottom lip, easing it out from her teeth. She looks at him with anxious eyes, wide and pleading for him to make a move.

And he does.

He kisses her.

It's not what he expects, really. There isn't any fireworks or chills, and it doesn't leave him gasping for breath. No, in fact, it feels like he's breathing for the first time; it fills him with warmth and security and such relief. And as she holds onto him, her arms wrapped tightly around his middle, he has never felt more at home. He has never felt so content and peaceful.

"Absolutely nothing," he says after they pull apart, resting his forehead against hers. It feels like there has been a weight lifted off his shoulders. He runs his thumb over her cheek, wiping away tear marks from her skin. She sniffles, leaning into his touch. He kisses her nose, a wide smile creeping over his features.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

#this is kind of a mess #im sorry #:/#stanley barber #stanley barber imagine #stanley barber x reader #i am not okay with this #ianowt #ianowt imagine #ellie writes #ellie writes angst #ellie writes fluff #ish

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quaranteehee · 4 years

Text

“Leave Your Lover” - Kuroo Tetsuro x Fem!reader ANGST

Leave Your Lover - Sam Smith

Summary: You’ve always loved him, but he wouldn’t know... even as you bid your farewells on the hospital bed. Because he’s a dumb fuck.

“Y/n! Yo... YO Y/N!!”

“Testu shut up I’m trying to tell you something!!”

“Okay Okay but shut up first I’m trying to talk-“

“BOI IF YOU DONT-“

He shoves the palm of his hands against your mouth, muffling the rest of your sentence. With twinkling eyes he proceeds to state the reason behind his excitement, “Kazuko Tomomi said yes!”

You slap his hands away. “What do you mean?? Yes to what? That could be anything- yes to babying your sorry ass? Finishing your English homework?? What does Kazuko-“

“A date,” he smiles at you broadly as he takes his fingers across his hair in disbelief. “She finally said yes.” A hearty chuckle escapes his lips before he plops himself back down on the grassy slope sandwiching the river beneath the highway.

“Congrats, you two!”

Kuroo hummed in response, mindlessly toying with the pastures between his fingers.

“Anyway what did you want to tell me again?” He sheepishly inquires with a lazy smile

“Ah, that? Never mind it. I guess it was nothing after all.”

But it wasn’t nothing. And in that space in time, you began to wonder what it would cost if you continued to protect this lie.

- - -

“Testu! I won- I actually won!”

Without another word, he scoops you into a tight embrace. You oblige by wrapping your arms around his back.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, training camp took its toll on me and well. I passed out as soon as I got home.”

You let it slide, he had a good reason to. You pull away and smile at him excitedly. “Buy me ramen and we’ll call it even.”

“Ah I can’t after school. I’m having dinner with Tomomi.”

It was a tradition to go out after a game. You forced an understanding smile, “that’s fine, tomorrow maybe? Before the weekend?”

“Can’t either. I promised Tomomi we’d watch that movie she wanted,” he scratches the back of his neck, “damn she always gets me to watch those cheesy dramas.” Despite his complain, a smile is plastered on his lips.

Oh god.. that smile- that damn smile. The perfect world you shared with Kuroo was distinegrating and you knew it. You were fully aware and you hated it.

“A-Ah, is that so?” You shift your gaze towards the window.

“I’m sor-“

“Anyway, enjoy yourselves! Don’t worry about it though.” You say a little too cheerily. Slipping on the strips of your backpack, you pretend to check your phone. “Ah, shit, I need to get my notebook back from Watanabe. See you!” Without giving him a chance to reply, you head towards the end of the corridor and disappear into the corner. Kuroo leaves soon after. As the sound of his footsteps dies down, you slump against the wall while staring hopelessly at the ceiling above.

- - -

“Thought is find you here.”

“Yeah?”

“It was obvious,” Kenma says over his PSP

“Well.. I figured I’d put in extra effort, you know?” And with that, you deliver yet another aggressive serve. The tennis ball lands exactly on the white line before bouncing off to join the others.

Kenma quietly tucks away his device and observes your practise. Glancing at the opposite end of the court, he notices an unnaturally large amount of neon balls rolling around aimlessly- the product of your training. Reverting his attention back to the Female Tennis player, he sees things he wish he was only imagining: tired eyes, a sloppy form, and a limp in your strides.

“Y/n, how long have you been here?”

“I’ve always trained here Kenma.”

“What time.”

“After school.”

“School finishes at half past three... it took a fifteen minute train ride, so assuming at you got here at four... “

“What?”

“It’s nearly nine”

You stop in your tracks and note that the colour of the sky has changed drastically. You’ve been practising for so long that you didn’t notice that you had been relying on the lights of the tennis court. “Oh. I guess I have.”

Bam. The ball ricochets against your racket.

“Tell Kuroo how you feel,” The Pudding Head says, carefully wording his sentence.

“He’s in love with her, though.”

“Stupid, not like that,” he sighs, “I mean, he’d understand. He really would. If it means taking off the weight off your shoulders, why don’t you tell him directly.”

You pause, clenching your jaw discreetly.

Kenma continues, “you’ve known each other for so long... if you tell him, he would understand. You’re his (y/n) aren’t you? He’ll still want you by his side, (y/n)...”

You let out a pained scream, startling Kenma, as you mindlessly fling your racket at the fence. How could you be so selfish?

“No. No, this is bullshit. Because he gets the best of both worlds from Tomomi and I,” you hiccup. “I am SICK and TIRED, Kenma-“ you’re shaking in rage.

Kenma watches you bubbling in anger- no. Not anger, but an unspoken sadness that can be mistaken for fury. His expression is gentle as he slowly walks towards you in the middle of the tennis court.

“SICK and TIRED of giving him all that I am when I can’t even have half of him. And you know what’s messed up? I don’t have any right to feel this way because he’s not mine...” your heart sinks to your stomach, “he’s not mine.. he’s with HER,” you grit your teeth, “AND... a-and he doesn’t love me.”

“(Y/n)...”

You fall to the ground, bursting into a fit of tears as the cold realisation washes over you. “He doesn’t love me,” you repeat.

The exhaustion that you’ve ignored slowly creeps up on you, paralysing your limbs until your vision goes pitch black.

- - -

You open your eyes and a blurred figure catches your attention. Sitting up, you rub at your temples. “Testu-“

“- will be here in a few.” The figure says.

“Kenma?” You glance, startled. “It’s 10 in the morning get your bitchass to school.”

“For someone that completely blacked out you sure are energetic..” he mutters in annoyance. “It’s Saturday, Dumbass.”

Surveying your surroundings, you’re suddenly aware that you’re confined in a hospital room. You begin to ask Kenma questions. He beats you with his response before you could even utter a single word,

“You’ve overexhausted yourself. No, you won’t die. Yes, you’re being discharged tomorrow. No, not today because of reasons I don’t know.” He watches as you close your mouth, his explanation seemed to have answered whatever questions you had in mind. “Look, I mean, I know tennis is a big deal to you and all but it won’t kill you to rest up once in a while.” Behind him rests your beaten up Tennis Bag. You catch a glance at your racket, some shirts, a tube of Tennis balls... and the letter.

“That’s not why you’re here, is it?” You ask cautiously.

He gives you a smile, his eyes glinting in a knowing manner. “How did you know?”

“Please. One, nothing goes under your nose unnoticed; two, that letter was in the racket section of the bag, not there,” you point, “where my clothes are.”

There’s silence.

“Duke University, huh?” Kenma says with a smile.

You mirror his gesture with a similar grin. “They were the only ones that got back to me. And it’s easier to apply for financial aid supporting international students for Duke than, yknow, NYU.”

“America,” he muses, “Oceans and oceans away.”

You meet the boy’s curious gaze.

“Kenma-“

“You have to tell Testu.”

- - -

Kenma’s text was the first thing that caught Kuroo’s attention as soon as he wakes up that Saturday.

“Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.” He squeezes past the crowd of people and sprints all the way to the hospital, practically slamming himself against the reception desk.

“How may I help you?” The lady cheerily inquires without hiding the concern etched on her face for the wheezing rooster head.

“(L/n)... I... I-“ he wheezes, “what room..?”

- - -

“Go easy on her...” Kenma whispers briefly before making his way towards the door.

“Kenma? Where are you going??” You call out desperately.

“Bitch I wanna play my games now tf.”

You glare at him, “But-“

“It’s okay. I’ll be here, right Kenma?”

That’s exactly what I’m afraid of, Kenma thinks to himself. “Whatever. Don’t be stupid. Both of you,” he huffs before closing the door shut.

He places his hand atop yours before pacing his fingers around your delicate ones. You eye your hands pressed against each other’s for a second too long...

So. This is what it feels like to be yours.

You fight back the urge to cry. “Tetsuroo.. can I ask you a big favor?”

He quirks an eyebrow in response.

“Can you hold me? Like before?”

“Hm? In a headlock?” With that sadist response came a throw pillow flying towards his face.

“Like we were kids.”

He complies, getting up from the chair situated beside the hospital bed. You shuffle to make some room for the older boy who wasted no time in holding you in his arms. You cave right into his touch, facing him. He rests his chin on your head with your feet tangled.

“Is there anything else, your highness?”

You can feel his eyes roll. You chuckle, “yes actually: I want a triple tier chocolate cake. A pretty heart necklace, and a bouquet of-“

“Chill.”

You both laugh heartily. Amidst the silence that followed, you can feel his fingers rubbing soft circles in the small of your back.

“I want... I want you to stay with me for now. If you have to go, do it when I’m asleep,” you mutter loud enough to hear.

He nods as confusion washes over him. This all felt too familiar - sort of like de ja vu.

Like we were kids...

The sentence and the way you said it keeps replaying in his mind. He thinks of nothing but the familiar way he held you and vice versa when the nightmares struck. How you’d pull away only when the other was asleep. What struck him the most was why you felt the need to ask? To him, holding you felt like one of the most normal things in the world comparable to how natural it was for him to breathe. Nevertheless, Kuroo decided that it was a question for another time.

You begin to hum the tune to a song which Kuroo claims to know. Determined to pinpoint the song in particular, he rapidly lists titles of various compositions whose melodies were quite similar. You smile to yourself, he’s the biggest idiot ever.

It didn’t take long before you figured he was getting tired. With your fingertips, you traced gentle patterns into his forearms to help lull him to sleep.

“... pack up and leave everything; don’t you see what I can bring? Can’t keep this beating heart at bay...

His eyes dropped, and his breathing became steadier. Your voice was barely a whisper as you finished your song,

“Set my midnight sorrow free, I will give you all of me just-“ you choke back on your own tears, permitting yourself this last time to indulge in your own selfishness. “Just leave your lover... leave her for me.”

—————————————-

YALL THOUGHT YOU WAS GONNA DIE LMAOOOOO

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dazebrasrecs · 4 years

Text

Fic Recs: Critical Role (C2)

Includes: Genfic, Caleb/Clay, Caleb/Fjord, Caleb/Molly, and Caleb/Essek. (Can you tell I have a fave boy?)

Fics marked with ~ are incomplete.

This list will not be updated.

-----------

Gen

blue is the friendliest colour by invoked_duplicity

Length: 2k / Rating: G / Genre: Fluff / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Nott and Jester spend some time to do "girl stuff".

~Everything She's Not(t) series by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)

Length: 6k / Rating: T / Genre: H/C / Warnings: eventual Nott/Yeza

Summary: “You don’t have to hide from me, you know. I will not bite you.” The man’s voice was soft, thick with an accent that Nott could not identify. He didn’t look over in Nott’s direction when he spoke, just kept looking at the window.

Nott didn’t move from her corner. She liked corners in general. No one could sneak up on you when you were in a corner. Though, now that she thought about it, being in a corner meant there was no where else to go if someone was in front of you. Like everything that might offer Nott safety, there was always a catch.

“My name is Caleb,” the man said. “Caleb Widogast.”“

I’m Nott,” Nott said, because that’s what you were supposed to do when someone gave you their name, you gave yours back. Besides, talking to the stranger would at least help distract her a little.

There was a pause. “You’re not what?”

a study in attraction by invoked_duplicity

Length: 1k / Rating: T / Genre: Drama / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb asks Beau about her attraction towards women. The conversation doesn't lead where Beau expects it to lead.

The Warmth of Family by FallzVentus

Length: 1k / Rating: G / Genre: Fluff / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb and Nott have been traveling for a while now. The wizard can't help but feel that Nott deserves more than the current life they live. So he decides to work towards giving her the experience of having a family.

When You Wake Up The World Will Come Around by infraredphaeton

Length: 6k / Rating: G / Genre: Fluff / Warnings: N/A

Summary: When a chance encounter at a tavern in a very, very anti-goblin town reveals Nott's identity, Caleb casts a spell to hide her as a human- a young, human girl, who looks a lot like him. It's only natural to pretend that he's her father. It's just. Nott didn't expect to kind of *like* having a Dad.

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Caleb/Clay

Bared by walkalittleline

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: The Mighty Nein take a much needed trip to the bathhouse before departing Nicodranas.

Book Learning by walkalittleline

Length: 5k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: There are a lot of things Caduceus doesn't know. Caleb is always willing to teach, though.

Caduceus and His Book of Things He Doesn't Know

Length: 8k / Rating: T / Genre: Fluff / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caduceus received a gift in a form of a journal from Caleb as thanks for his contribution to the Mighty Nein. He may or may not be trying to win the firbolg's attention. Either way, Caduceus has no idea what's going on.

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait by RoyalHeather

Length: 2k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Leaning in, Caduceus pulls Caleb closer against him, his warm breath touching the back of Caleb’s neck, his earthy scent filling Caleb’s nostrils. His hands slide over Caleb’s stomach and hips; Caleb swallows hard, desire coiling up his spine. Broad fingers splayed out, Caduceus slowly brings his right hand over Caleb’s groin, letting it rest there before squeezing gently. Caleb inhales sharply, skin prickling all over. But Caduceus just stays there, his soft nose in Caleb’s hair, one hand gripping Caleb’s hip, the other giving only the occasional, maddening rub at Caleb’s crotch. After several minutes, Caleb is ready to burst out of his skin, and he snaps, “If you are going to fuck me, Caduceus Clay, you had better do it now.”

~Kink Therapy series by walkalittleline

Length: 28k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: BDSM, Sex Pollen, knotting, breath play

Summary: Caleb gets a face full of sex pollen and that's all you're getting from me.

Kiss the Cook by Alarnia

Length: 8k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: BDSM

Summary: Happily married, Caleb gets Caduceus a new apron and asks him to wear it... and nothing else, for a very special dinner.

A Little Bit Closer by walkalittleline

Length: 16k / Rating: E / Genre: Drama,AU / Warnings: N/A

Summary: It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy evenings out drinking with his friends. On the contrary, he welcomes the temporary respite from his own ceaseless thoughts of studying and grading papers and planning lessons and everything else he’s constantly fretting over, has no problem getting in a few drinks to let the warm haze of alcohol loosen his limbs and unwind his brain. He doesn’t, however, find much enjoyment in the too-loud music and crowded spaces of the clubs that Beau and Molly so often pick for them to frequent when they make these jaunts at the start of the weekend.

Two Minds by sabinelagrande

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb just needs someone who understands.

\\\

Fjord/Caleb

anything but by MsMaarvel

Length: 2k / Rating: G / Genre: Drama/ Warnings: N/A

Summary: He needs to get more powerful. Being defeated by a lowly imp could not have been more embarrassing, and he really needed to stop owing Nott life debts. He only had one, after all. But there is one problem.

By the Winding River by mollymaukerie

Length: 4k / Rating: T / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: After the days of travel towards Zadash, Caleb takes a quick dip in a nearby stream. Fjord comes by to lend a hand not before long.

choke this love by nighimpossible

Length: 4k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: BDSM, semi-public sex

Summary: “The idea that I’m going to apologize for stopping you from sticking a sword down your throat is just—absurd,” Caleb hisses back. “Tell me you’re not going to do it again.”

Fjord feels a little like a petulant child, but he does purse his lips in anger before replying, “Funny thing: you don’t get to tell me what to do, Caleb.” As Fjord says the words, he suppresses a shiver that slithers down his back. Stop that.

Convection by SnubbingApollo

Length: 12k / Rating: E / Genre: Romance/H/C / Warnings: N/A

Summary: The first time Fjord and Caleb share a room Beau hands Molly three silver pieces. Caleb turns so red for a moment Fjord is afraid he might faint. Fjord grumbles good-naturedly about the rudeness of betting on friends and tries not to think about the fact that they’d apparently been so obvious. He’d been waiting for Caleb to suggest telling them, knowing the man was private and still skittish with the group, but he supposes he isn’t the most… subtle flirter.

Craving You series by MeBeThem4815

Length: 15k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: BDSM, eventual Fjord/Molly/Caleb

Summary: Caleb thought he understood what Nott had been talking about, when she talked about the itch. He had thought it was similar to when he saw a new book on arcane lore in a shop. He had thought Nott was referring to the longing and the ache in his chest when he had to, inevitably, pass the book by due to lack of funds. But now, now, now he knew better. Now he knew what an itch was.

I Gave Into Sickness (Can You Find Forgiveness) by GrannyBoo

Length: 3k / Rating: G / Genre: Angst / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb's fear takes a toll on his and Fjord's relationship

~The Grunge Hobo Learns to Trust by Catzgirl

Length: 41k / Rating: E / Genre: Angst / Warnings: Violence, non-con

Summary: Caleb is hiding some secrets from the gang, and they come back to haunt him at the very worst of times. Fjord is there to catch him.

I'm A Desert You're An Ocean (It's Your Motion That I Need) by GrannyBoo

Length: 1k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Fjord wasn’t sure how they’d managed to get there in the first place; a few too many ales for Caleb and whiskeys for Fjord, tantalizing promises whispered between the two at the table before Caleb excused himself to bed and Fjord, waiting until he’d finished his last glass, followed after. It took all of one second after he’d knocked on Caleb’s door to be dragged in and pressed against the wall, the smaller, slighter man pressing the entire length of his body against the half-orc’s.

Making it Work by PyrophobicDragon

Length: 2k / Rating: T / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: It becomes a little joke between the two of them.

Proving Worth by SnubbingApollo

Length: 3k / Rating: T / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Fjord is acting… strange.

something good, something strange by nighimpossible

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: BDSM, voyeurism

Summary: Caleb shifts his vision into Frumpkin and flies the familiar a little closer, his small bird feet wrapping around a sapling nearby. Fjord looks into the trees and gives the sparrow a quick nod before pressing a small kiss to the back of Caleb’s neck. It is an achingly soft gesture, one that Caleb does not know how to parse. And then Caleb is lost to sensation.

Thread by Crewe

Length: 2k / Rating: G / Genre: Fluff / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Fjord and Caleb develop a routine at night, Caleb reading his books and Fjord mending his and his friends' clothes.

Or: In which Caleb greatly resembles his familiar, and Fjord understands the virtues of patience, quiet, and boundaries.

till the last flower by vannral

Length: 8k / Rating: T / Genre: Angst / Warnings: N/A

Summary: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient coughs up flower petals. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.Caleb Widogast is heartbroken and very tired.

What Bravery Looks Like by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)

Length: 6k / Rating: G / Genre: H/C / Warnings: N/A

Summary: It had been a long night, one of those kind of long nights that had turned into a long morning, and Caleb was exhausted, the kind of exhausted that made him ache in his bones. His plan was to go back to the inn, fall onto his bed, and sleep the day around. There was an old saying, that men plan and the gods laugh.

\\\

Molly/Cayleb

Black Skies Change into Blue by Saoto

Length: 10k / Rating: NR / Genre: Drama / Warnings: Love potions

Summary: Caleb believes that Molly drank a love philtre that Nott stole. So to prevent him from falling in love with Caleb's "little sister", Caleb makes sure Molly looks at him instead. But somehow, Molly really does not like it when Caleb tells him that - no worries! - the feelings he has for Caleb right now are nothing but fake...

Blush by LivesToLead

Length: 3k / Rating: T / Genre: Fluff / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Four times Molly made Caleb flustered and the one time Caleb made Molly flustered.

Darkvision by Calminaiel

Length: 5k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: While the rest of the group slumbers upstairs, Caleb and Molly are alone in the darkened tavern.

~Dreams series by Nisey

Length: 18k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Mollymauk keeps having dreams about Caleb. It culminates on a day off from their travels and he must decide what to do about it.

ecstasy delivered with certainty by Lauren (notalwaysweak)

Length: 1k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: For the kink meme prompt (abbreviated): 'Caleb is now clean and pretty with directions to a sex shop, they're in a big town - it’s time to make a bit more money via the oldest profession ... maybe working gloryholes for tips at the dirty bookstore...'

Flickering Desire by Aristathelia

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: The heat in Mollymauk’s eyes had a questioning quality when Caleb next looked up and the wizard couldn’t help the jolt that went down his spine. Heat seemed to have gathered below his navel and tingles had gathered in his fingertips. It felt a little like when he was casting, the same electrical sizzle making him short of breath.

A Fur Lined Cloak by chaya

Length: 21k / Rating: E / Genre: Drama / Warnings: slavery, BDSM

Summary: Caleb must be a Duke for this mission, so that leaves Molly to be his... companion. You may be wondering: is this the kind of indulgent writing that includes sleeping furs, large tankards of mead, and snuggling for warmth? Dear reader, it is exactly that.

It was only a Kiss by WonderingsAndMusings

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: After defeating the gnolls and manticore and returning to Alfield safe, Caleb asks Molly why he kissed him. And tells him to do it again.

Kiss Through Copper by wilderswans

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Fantasy Skype Sex

North by SnubbingApollo

Length: 5k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP, H/C / Warnings: BDSM, past abuse

Summary: Trent had been the star he’d used to find north and over time he’d forgotten how to find it himself.Except it turned out Trent had been leading him every direction but north, obscuring the whole world in fog until Caleb had forgotten the shape of things entirely. Until he could only find his way by stumbling blindly in whatever direction Trent had pointed.And now Trent is gone. The fog has been pulled away but Caleb still can’t see. He doesn’t remember how.

only forward by invoked_duplicity

Length: 1k / Rating: G / Genre: H/C / Warnings: panic attacks

Summary: Molly panics. Caleb tries to comfort him.

Snowed In by MeBeThem4815

Length: 10k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: BDSM, blood play

Summary: When a snow storm separates Caleb and Molly from the rest of the Nein, antics ensue.This is just pure, self indulgent porn to get me back on the writing train after an illness. You're welcome.

Stammtisch by chaya

Length: 28k / Rating: E / Genre: Fluff / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Someone asked for "The Nein's first experience in Mordenkainen's mansion after Caleb learns to cast it". This is literal world-building so of COURSE it got really long and involved.

A Useful Little Spell by threerings

Length: 5k / Rating: E / Genre: Smut / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb uncovers a promising new spell but unfortunately it requires two people. Two people having sex.

\\\

Caleb/Essek

Calculated Risks by Cardinal_Daughter

Length: 3k / Rating: M / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb knows a calculated risk when he sees one.

hearts are too heavy a burden to bear alone by personalized_radio

Length: 10k / Rating: M / Genre: AU, Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb Widowgast is the only student to show up to Essek's study hours. Caleb...is not enrolled in the class or the program, but Essek has to be here anyway and Caleb has the book and is determined to learn. Also he brings Essek coffee every single time and it's never the same but always delicious so Essek doesn't mind explaining the basics or going over concepts between lesson planning in exchange. Caleb has very pretty eyes.

Honesty by aunt_zelda

Length: 4k / Rating: M / Genre: PWP / Warnings: BDSM

Summary: Essek waits. Perhaps he is supposed to guess the likeliest offer and spare Caleb the embarrassment of asking? He keeps his mouth shut, waiting, watching Caleb wrestle internally with his shame and desires. It’s an engaging sight.

“I want you to use me.” Caleb says at last.

Ah. Ambiguous language, to a less discerning individual. Essek understands, but wishes to draw it out from Caleb’s own lips. “Use you?” he lingers on the syllables. “Yes, to ferret out spies from the Empire. We’ve discussed this.”

Caleb shakes his head in a twitching movement. “No. Not like that.” His hands fail briefly in agitation. He’s coming apart at the seams, this man. Essek very much wants to know what’s hidden underneath.

(Mis)Trust in Me by MoonwalkingCrab

Length: 31k / Rating: E / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb is torn. He has been trained to get what he wants from people, and so often he has. But something feels different this time. Now he is hesitant to trust his own impulses. Is it really just his training kicking in, or does he simply want to spend time with Essek for no ulterior reason?

The Only Way Is Essik's by supersonica

Length: 8k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Leaning a little closer so his breath could brush Caleb’s oddly round ear, Essik said, softly, “If you’d like, you could visit my library this evening, Herr Widogast.”

“Is that a euphemism?” Caleb asked, snorting. “It’s not a very appealing one.”

Essik rolled his eyes. “No, I—what do you take me for? I do actually have a private library, feel free to come by after dinner. And also,” he made a very quick decision about how good the hearing range of Caleb’s companions probably was. “I don’t need a euphemism to say I’d quite like you to suck my cock.”

What's sexier than wizards NOTHING by Dweebspace

Length: 7k / Rating: E / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: “Is this still you wanting to do magic?” Essek asks. There is a vulnerability to his voice that Caleb hasn’t heard before from the shadowhand, though he recognizes it. Fear of rejection. Fear of being used. Fear of being a means to an end.

“No,” he says, “This is you. You are very clever and very attractive.” He clears his throat. “This is me wanting you.”

Zero to Sixty by indefensibleselfindulgence

Length: 2k / Rating: E / Genre: AU / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Caleb is new in town, but at least Hot Uber Driver is nice.

#critical role #fic recs #clayleb #caleb x essek #widowmauk #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #fjord critical role #caduceus clay

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letsbenditlikebennett · 4 years

Text

A Medium Tree-t || Ariana & Blanche

TIMING: Present. Shortly after this (x) PARTIES: @letsbenditlikebennett & @harlowhaunted SUMMARY: After her messages to Winn not going through, Ariana realizes he’s deactivated his social media. She goes to Winn’s to check on him and discovers Blanche passed out in her car outside of Winn’s home.

When Ariana sent Winn a message and it didn’t go through because his account was apparently deactivated, she had a brief moment of “what the fuck, dude,” before she texted him. When the message remained undelivered, she grumbled and threw on a pair of running shoes. She hoped it was nothing, but she was still going to run over there and check on him. After all, they were supposed to look out for each other and Winn’s life was a lot more important to her than an essay on Othello. She ran towards Winn’s with her backpack in tow, keeping a close ear and nose out for anything out of the ordinary. It smelled more like Winn as she approached his home, but there was something else familiar. The answer became clear when she saw Blanche’s car and felt another pang of worry hit her. Oh god, did someone hurt both of them? As she approached, she could see Blanche’s form asleep in the back hatch of her car. Some relief washed over her, but it was still strange she was asleep in her car and not in the house. Not wanting to scare Blanche, she very lightly wrapped on the window and called, “Blanche, it’s Ari. Are you okay?”

When Blanche realized that she hadn’t been absolutely clawed to bits, she had dragged her sorry ass back through the woods, grabbing her keys and phone along the way, and stumbled back to her Jeep. She was in no state to drive or think or do anything, so she didn’t. Instead, she texted Nell that she would be home later, and curled up in the trunk of her car to pass out. She needed work on the telekinesis thing, she couldn’t just keep throwing people out of her way when she was in danger - or when she thought she was in danger. It took a toll on her body, and it was getting harder and harder to control the energy that burst from her when she thought she was going to die. But she didn’t need that now. Blanche sank into a deep, dreamless sleep until some irritating tapping woke her up. Blanche groaned, turned on her side, not remembering where she was. Her car was a lot more comfortable than the Nell’s Greenhouse - wait. Was she in her car? Blanche tiredly rose, blinking sleep from her eyes as she stared at Ariana looking at her through the Jeep’s back window. “Ari?” Blanche mumbled, tiredly. What the - oh. OH shit. Winn had tried to attack her. She was still outside his house. Crap. Blanche let out a loud groan, running her hands down her face as she signaled to Ari to give her a minute, shifting forward to open up the trunk. “Ari? What’s - What’s happening? What time is it? Are you okay?”

As she watched her friend wake up, Ariana felt her eyebrows knit up with concern. Given it wasn’t the lightest wake up call, but still, Blanche did not look great. Everything about her screamed exhausted and like she may have been upset. Plus, being asleep in her Jeep was weird. Something had to have happened here and she had every intention of finding out what it was so she could make sure both her friends would be okay. She took a step back from the car, giving Blanche a moment to get oriented. It was hard not to leap forward and look her friend over the moment the trunk door opened, but she managed to keep her heels firmly planted in their place. Her face was puzzled for a moment, she was the one checking on her. Ariana was quickly learning that Blanche was definitely the mom-friend. “I’m fine,” she explained, “Winn’s account was deactivated and his phone’s not receiving texts, so I came over to make sure everything’s alright. The real question is are you okay?”

“Winn’s what?” Blanche asked, slowly, running a hand through her fading pink hair. She didn’t comprehend it, not really, before she ran her hands down her face in realization. “Fuck. He attacked me.” Wait. “But not like that!” Blanche said, quickly looking at Ariana, slightly panicked. “Uh so - okay. Let me just - Okay, I’m going to Info dump on you, right now.” Blanche siad, shoulders slumping. She didn’t have the energy to hide, and besides, Blanche knew what Ariana was. “Background info: I’m a medium. That means I see dead people. Ghosts. Spirits. Sometimes a rare power they have is telekinesis. I’ve frequently used it to throw people away from me when in trouble, and it makes me really exhausted because I don’t practice with it - I think, at least.” Blanche shrugged slightly. “Anyway, Winn wanted to spar while he was in wolf form, so I said okay, but it wasn’t going well, so I said I wanted to stop. But then he -” Blanche ran a hand down her face again, trying to make sense of exactly what happened. “He got in my face with the teeth and the claws and - He scared me and I accidentally threw him into a tree. And then he really tried to attack me. I think.” Blanche fornwed, finally looking at Ariana as she leaned against the side of her car, exhausted. “It’s kind of fuzzy. Winn was heavy, and… It wasn’t great.”

Ariana stared at Blanche blinking slowly as she tried to process everything Blanche had just said. Blanche was a medium, okay cool. That was chill and good to know. Then she got to the part where she was sparring with Winn while he was in wolf form. Who the fuck had that dumbass idea? Ariana had been born a wolf and considered herself pretty balanced with both forms, but even she knew that if provoked and felt like she was truly in danger, her survival instincts would become more dominant. She threw Winn into a tree and he lost control, made sense, and was exactly why this whole setup had to be one of the worst ideas she’d heard literally ever. Even if it was the world's stupidest plan ever, her friend was still clearly shaken up and she’d refrain from being too mad at her. Winn should have known better. He was older and knew what they were capable of in wolf form. Her jaw was practically on the floor and she shook her head incredulously. “Okay, okay, that’s a lot, but it’s okay,” Ariana assured, keeping her tone level and calm even though internally she was freaking out a little bit, “One, I will kick Winn’s ass later for thinking this was a good idea. Two, cool on the medium thing. Three, it sounds like you passed out. Have you had anything to eat or drink since?”

She sucked in a deep breath and nodded, “Yeah, that’s all… fair. I didn’t pass out completely until I staggered back here, thankfully,” Blanche said, tiredly. Thank god she hadn’t passed out in the middle of the woods. Poor Ariana, out here to check on Winn who was god knows where doing god knows what. She didn’t know if his phone was broken or if he deactivated his blog or what, but that meant he had shifted back into human form at some point while she was passed out into the back of her jeep. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s partly my own fault, I knew it was a shitty idea but I wanted to blow off some steam and it just made things worse.” Blanche winced, rolling her shoulders back before she shook her head. “No. I probably should. I usually just sleep a lot after I yeet someone,” Blanche mumbled, but her stomach growled and her throat felt dry, and she had already been dehydrated enough this past weekend, so her roaring headache aws killing her. “Look, I - do you have water on you? I don’t know where Winn is, but it’s probably not in the house considering I woke in my car, but…” Blanche let out a low sigh, examining Ariana. “But I can’t -” Blanche’s throat closed up, a lump forming in her throat. Shit, was she crying? She took a minute. Ariana was eighteen, and she absolutely didn’t have to deal with this shit. “I can’t do this today. I’m sorry. I - I need to get back to the Vural house.”

“I’m glad you made it back to safety,” Ariana responded seriously. Passing out in the woods, especially in White Crest of all places, was far from safe. She still looked over Blanche worriedly. It was clear using telekinesis and her fight with Winn had left her physically and emotionally drained. She shook her head, “That might be true, but trust me, I’ve been a wolf my whole life and have considerably good control and I wouldn’t even dream of sparring with someone in wolf form that I didn’t intend to actually hurt. Instincts are a powerful thing. He should have known better. I’m just glad it wasn’t worse.” She fumbled through her backpack as Blanche mentioned she should probably have something. Ariana was glad she had the foresight to grab it, though she tried to avoid going deep into the woods or for a longer trek without it. She pulled out a water bottle and a Clif bar, “Here,” she said, handing them over to her, “Do you need an Advil? Do you have any cuts?” Concern etched further across her features when she realized Blanche was crying. It was valid as fuck, but it still broke her heart to see. She opened her arms and wrapped them around Blanche, “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. If you don’t feel up for it, I can drive you back home in your car and run back here to make sure Winn’s okay, too.”

“Me too,” Blanche mumbled. Shit, she felt terrible for making Ariana have to deal with this bullshit. She should be at home doing her homework or worrying prom or whatever it was teenager werewolves did these days. Blanche just wanted to get home - get back to Nell so she could curl up onto the mattress she had dragged into the greenhouse for Nell. It was easier than sleeping on the cold ground every night. Bea’s death left poor Nell in shambles and Blanche needed to go home and pick up the pieces, not go off somewhere blowing off steam doing something fucking dangerous. Blanche took the bottle of water and the Cliff bar. “I could use an Advil,” Blanche admitted, before Ariana hugged her. Blanche stiffened for only a moment, before she wrapped her arms around her for just a moment, swallowing any more tears down, “No, no. It’s - I’ll be fine. I’ll drink water and eat this, and…” She closed shook her head, forcing her voice not to shake. “I just want to get out of here. Will you text me when you get home safe? And tell me what you’ve found or whatever?”

Without hesitation, Ariana grabbed a couple of Advil from her bag and handed them to Blanche and said, “Here you go.” Whatever she had that could help would be happily provided. Going face to face with a werewolf had to have been terrifying for Blanche and she wished she could go back in time and knock some sense into both of them. At least she was okay, and hopefully she could find Winn to make sure he was as well. It was clear Blanche was ready to be out of here and she didn’t want to keep her, but she still worried. “Okay, finish that and you can go. Just text me when you get back, alright? I’m worried about you driving after passing out.” She nodded along with Blanche’s request. It’d be easy enough to keep her in the loop. “I’ll keep you posted, for sure. Just,” she trailed off, “Please be safe, okay?”

Blanche opened her water bottle, popping the Advil back immediately with a healthy chug of water. Obediently, she opened her cliff bar and took a healthy chunk out of it. IT was hard to swallow, not because she didn’t like it, but more because the thought of eating right about now wasn’t working with her, even if she was hungry. “Thanks Ari,” Blanche said, rubbing the back of her neck a little sheepishly. “I’ll be okay, this has happened before.” Well, except she had called Kaden to pick her up the first time, and Rio was already with her the second time, so no, this hadn’t exactly happened before. Blanche pushed herself out of her trunk, stretching her tired limbs. “I’ll text you, I promise.” Blanche said, giving her a wry smile. She had to get home, everything else could be dealt with later. This was just a momentary distraction for what mattered. As Blanche closed her trunk and rounded to the driver’s side, she paused. “Be careful, okay? And don’t you forget to text me too.”

#wickedswriting #a medium treet #blanche

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sdvvillagers · 5 years

Text

First official post from this blog, you KNOW it has to be about my muse Robin. Threw together a ficlet of Robin and Demetrius meeting for the first time. Enjoy!

~*~*~*~

It had been an incredibly long day for Robin. It was one of those days where every inch of her body ached with exhaustion and all she could think to do was either collapse into bed or drink her troubles away at the saloon. The prospect of returning home and having to resume the responsibilities of motherhood sounded too daunting to face, so she chose the latter.

When she entered the saloon, she was not at all surprised to find it mostly deserted. The only people inside were Gus, the bartender; Willy, the local fisherman; and Lewis, the town handyman who was deep in conversation with Mayor Maynard (Robin absolutely could not address that man without bursting into a fit of giggles at his ridiculous name). She took a seat at a secluded barstool and heaved a weary sigh.

"Long day?" Gus asked with a concerned expression as he approached the counter.

"Incredibly," Robin answered with another sigh. "I just need a beer."

"You got it," Gus replied with a nod, instantly grabbing an empty beer stein to fill for Robin.

As Robin rested her head on the countertop of the bar, she could hear the door to the saloon open once more. She didn't bother to look up to see who had entered, it hardly mattered to her at the moment as long as they left her alone. Robin cringed as she heard the barstool next to her slide across the floor, whoever this was had chosen to take a seat next to her and she was in no mood for socialization. When she lifted her head to tell them off, she was surprised to see someone whom she had never met before. Robin was still relatively new to Pelican Town herself, but was sure that she had met everybody in town but this man did not look familiar to her in the least.

"You look like you could use some company," the man said pleasantly as he took a seat next to her.

"I was going for 'I just want to be left alone', but if you insist on sitting next to me anyway, I won't stop you," Robin said rather rudely. She hadn't meant to snap at the poor man, but she couldn't help the foul mood that she was in. However, her sour disposition didn't seem to affect this man who still had a big smile on his face.

"Demetrius Bennett," he said pleasantly, holding out his hand.

"Robin Finley," Robin said, taking Demetrius' hand in a handshake. She had expected a firm handshake from such a tall man with large hands like these, but his handshake was surprisingly tender and delicate.

"Robin Finley," he repeated to himself. "They say that if you repeat a name immediately after learning it, you're more inclined to remember it. I've got a lot of names to learn, so I'm trying my best to remember them."

"You new here?" Robin asked conversationally. If the man was going to insist on keeping her company, she may as well attempt to be cordial. This attempt was made even easier as Gus set her full beer stein directly in front of her.

"Sort of," Demetrius answered with an uncertain shrug. “I’ll be visiting Pelican Town every weekend for the foreseeable future.” Before Robin could question what he meant, Gus turned his attention to Demetrius.

"What'll it be, stranger?" Gus asked jovially.

"I'll just take a water, please," Demetrius said kindly. Robin let out an unintentional snort of laughter.

"You came into the saloon tonight for a water?" Robin asked, stifling another laugh.

"I didn't intend on staying, I just wanted to poke my head in to meet a few of the locals, but you looked so downtrodden that I wanted to at least see if there was something I could do to lift your spirits," Demetrius explained.

"It'll take a lot more than polite conversation to accomplish that," Robin said darkly. "But I admire your optimism nonetheless."

For a moment, Robin sipped quietly at her beer as Gus brought Demetrius his glass of water. As the beer began to relax her, she felt bad that this kind man had made an effort to make conversation with her, she may as well at least attempt to play nice.

"So, what brings you to Pelican Town?" Robin asked awkwardly, taking another sip from her beer.

"I’m here as part of my internship with ZC Labs," Demetrius commented.

“ZC Labs?” Robin asked, raising an eyebrow.

“They’re a research facility based out of Zuzu City,” Demetrius explained.

"What kind of work do you do for them?" Robin asked curiously. Here in the valley she was used to jobs such as 'farming', 'mining', 'fishing', and the like. Certainly nothing that involved research of any kind.

"I'm an aspiring scientist," Demetrius answered proudly. “ZC Labs pays for my college tuition and in return, they’ve stationed me out here in the valley to collect specimens. It’s an exhausting schedule, I spend Monday thru Friday in Zuzu City for a full course load of classes at ZCU, then I head up to the valley on weekends for my internship work.”

"Why did they station you HERE of all places?!" Robin asked, completely baffled. She couldn't think of anything at all scientific about Pelican Town and felt bad that this poor man seemed to have drawn the short straw for his internship.

"This area holds an abundance of plant life and wildlife that is relatively unstudied," Demetrius began excitedly. "The indigenous flowers, plants, and fungi that grow here are full of potential and it's my job to collect samples and send them back to the main research lab in the city. Once I complete my internship, if they find that there's enough here for further study, I may even get funding for my own laboratory! I mean, that’s a long ways off, but that’s certainly the dream!"

"So what are you, some kind of nerd?" Robin asked with a chuckle. Immediately she felt her stomach clench, she hadn't meant to be so rude with him but she couldn't help herself. Robin was never the best with first impressions.

"If being fascinated by the vibrant and diverse ecosystem in Stardew Valley is nerdy, then I suppose I am," Demetrius responded with an amused smile.

Robin simply chuckled as she took another swig from her beer. This man was proving to be quite a fascinating individual.

"What do YOU do?" Demetrius asked, tilting his head curiously.

"Well, I'm sort of a mixed bag at the moment," Robin answered awkwardly. "My main job title is 'Mom', but I'm also a carpenter whenever I can get the work, which isn’t often at the moment. I'm in the middle of building my dream home up in the mountains but it's been slow going. I can't turn down the occasional odd job around town plus having an infant at my hip makes it hard."

"Oh! You have a little one!" Demetrius said in surprise. Robin sighed, already she regretted bringing up Sebastian. This was usually the part of the conversation where men got up and walked away as quickly as their two feet could carry them. She winced as Demetrius shifted in his chair, but was surprised when he didn't get up to leave.

"What's your little one's name, if you don't mind my asking?" Demetrius asked politely. Robin could have sworn that he seemed legitimately interested in talking to her.

"Sebby," Robin answered, though she quickly flinched at her usage of the nickname she had given him. "I mean Sebastian."

"Not a very common name," Demetrius commented thoughtfully.

"And 'Demetrius' is?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I like uncommon names," Demetrius went on. "I think they give character. Sebastian is a very noble sounding name."

"Well he's a little tyrant at the moment," Robin said with a sigh. "I feel bad dumping him on Caroline at the moment, but I just needed a break from... everything."

"Who's Caroline?" Demetrius asked curiously. Robin had to remind herself that Demetrius was still brand new and didn't really know anyone.

"She's married to Pierre, the owner of the general store," Robin answered. "I'm crashing in their spare bedroom until my house is built. During the day while I'm working, Caroline has been kind enough to watch my son for me. I don't know how I could have done all of this without her."

"All of what?" Demetrius asked.

"Being a single mom, AND managing a brand new business, AND trying to build myself and my son a home," Robin said wearily, taking another swig from her beer stein. She felt bad for unloading onto this complete and utter stranger, but it was odd how easy he was to talk to. She didn't get the usual judgmental stares or pitying looks that typically accompanied her revelation that she was a single working mother.

"That certainly is an impressive feat," Demetrius said with a low, impressed whistle.

"It's exhausting," Robin said shakily, resting her head in her hands.

The exhaustion from even talking about the current state of her life letalone actually living it was taking its toll on Robin and, without meaning to, she could feel tears start to well up in the corners of her eyes. The exhaustion and stress was starting to make her break but she was damn well not going to fall apart in front of this perfect stranger. Robin took a deep breath and tried her best to sniff back the tears that had formed in her eyes as she tried to keep the impending mental breakdown at bay. However, Demetrius immediately noticed her shaky breathing and the trail of tears that trickled down her cheek.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Demetrius said soothingly, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Just let it out, it's okay."

"This can't be happening right now," Robin said to herself, still trying desperately hard to control the wave of sobs that was fighting to escape her.

"It's okay, I'm here," Demetrius said calmly.

"I don't even KNOW you," Robin said wearily, her shoulders shaking even more as she fought to control herself.

"Does that matter?" Demetrius asked with a friendly smile. "We don't have to know someone to empathize with them. If you need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk at, or even just an unsuspecting fool to unload on, I'm your man."

At these words, Robin immediately burst into tears, unable to hold it off any longer. Every eye in the saloon turned to her and Demetrius, but she hardly cared at the moment. The combination of her stress and exhaustion combined with the sudden, overwhelming kindness that Demetrius had shown her was enough to unleash a wave of sobs the likes of which Robin had never experienced before. She was thankful that all Demetrius did was sit there silently, his arm still draped around her shoulders as he awkwardly sat at his barstool to allow her to cry. It was a fair few minutes before Robin was able to settle down and by the time she did, she could tell that she must look like a complete and utter mess.

“I’m so sorry, you must think I’m an absolute crazy person,” Robin uttered through her sniffles.

“I’d be crazy too if I was going through what you’re going through,” Demetrius said compassionately. He still hadn’t removed his arm from around her shoulders, but it was oddly comforting to feel his presence.

"Where are you staying while you’re in town?” Robin asked, still sniffing back a few rogue tears as she wiped her face on her sleeve. She was desperate to change the subject to something, anything, that would draw attention away from her breakdown.

“Out at the ranch in Cindersnap Forest,” Demetrius answered. “Marnie has been kind enough to offer up her spare bedroom when I’m in town so that I can stay close to the forest. A decent amount of my work will take place there, so it works out well.”

“That’s really nice of her,” Robin commented, the last of her tears finally starting to subdue.

“Yeah, everyone here has been so nice,” Demetrius commented with a smile.

“Until you met me, that is,” Robin replied, chuckling darkly.

An awkward silence passed between them as Robin looked away uncomfortably. She was mortified by her outburst and felt terrible that poor Demetrius had to watch her go through that. If he was smart, and he seemed to be, he would no doubt be keeping his distance from her in the future. When Robin could no longer stand the silence that was passing between them, she picked up her beer stein and chugged the remaining contents of it. Once empty, she slammed the beer stein onto the counter and grabbed a handful of money from her pocket as she rose from her seat.

“Hey, I’ll grab it,” Demetrius said kindly, holding out a hand to stop her.

“No way, I ruined your night enough, I’m not making you pay for my drink,” Robin said, shaking her head vehemently.

“I’d like to,” Demetrius said kindly. “If it’ll make your night even the tiniest bit better, I’m happy to do it.”

“What’s your deal?” Robin asked suddenly. She hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but she couldn’t help it. This man was a complete mystery to her. However, Demetrius truly didn’t seem to mind her straightforward, often brash personality.

“I dunno, I guess I just see somebody who could really use some help and I’m gonna do the best I can to provide it,” Demetrius said with a shrug. “There’s not much I CAN do, but every little bit helps. If all it takes from me is a handful of money to make your difficult day a little easier, that’s a small price to pay.”

“You’re… you’re something, you know that?” Robin asked, staring at Demetrius with a bewildered expression. She had never met anyone quite like him before.

Demetrius simply shrugged awkwardly, looking the tiniest bit embarrassed.

“I’ll see you around, Demetrius Bennett,” Robin said with a friendly smile.

“See you around, Robin Finley,” Demetrius said with a small wave toward Robin as she exited the saloon.

As Robin crossed the town square toward Pierre and Caroline’s, she couldn’t help but smile as she thought about the man she had just met. It was almost certain that after today, she would probably never see him again, but a small part of her hoped in the back of her mind that she could see him at least one more time in the hopes that she could make a better impression the second time around.

#sdv robin #sdv demetrius #sdv villagers

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astrozones · 4 years

Text

Sanders Behavioral Health, Chapter 3: Patton Will Help!

Angst Incoming

My discord server if you wanna scream at me- Astro’s Zone

my friends are lovingly cyberbullying me into tagging the man himself so uh @thatsthat24 and ope there goes my anxiety, rising up into the heavens. If you do see this I recommend reading from chapter one but im not gonna tag again unless my friends tell me to bc i dont wanna be a bother :|

Three hours.

Three hours until school ended for the day and Patton would go home for 5 minutes before heading to Sanders’.

Until then, he had to brave the school day. Patton was okay at school, but had a nasty habit of not saying no to any request, and his time between classes was spent doing favors for others. His time for lunch was limited, and his weekends were booked full. It took a toll on Patton, but he’d do anything to make others happy!

After all, others’ happiness was more important than his own.

His therapist had disagreed, which is why he was transferred to Sanders Behavioral Health. And at Sanders they said the same. Why couldn’t they understand that Patton wasn’t worthy of being happy? He didn’t do as much as he could, as much as he should , and he was a bad person.

Like that one time he had noticed a kid sitting in the seat beside him, his name was Todd, looking at his paper during a test. Patton had glanced at the teacher before nudging his paper closer to Todd, and filling out the rest. Once he noticed Todd had finished, he turned it in.

But he had gotten some of the answers wrong . Todd had been counting on him but Patton failed him, and now Todd was grounded for getting a mediocre grade.

And it was all Patton’s fault.

He tried to apologize to Todd, but had been shrugged off, Todd saying, “Eh, you don’t need to man. It was my fault for not studying.”

Todd must hate him.

The bell rang, signalling him to rush to his next class. Well, “class”. It was time for lunch.

Patton grabbed his items as quickly as he could, shoving them into his backpack. He felt guilty for zoning out in class, but the teacher was already on her computer and he didn’t want to disturb her. Once he had stuffed today’s worksheet into his bag, he slipped out, last to leave the room.

Patton held the lunch tray in his hands, looking for a place to sit. No one had asked for his lunch time yet, so he expected someone to call out to him, which was what usually happened these periods.

What he wasn’t expecting was to be cornered.

The edge of a table pierced his back as he was suddenly faced with none other than President of the Student Council (and Tennis Team), Vanessa E. Cordill. He had stumbled back, and quickly shoved his tray on the table behind him, knowing how close Vanessa liked to get to people.

“Hey, Pat! I was wondering if you could help us with preparations this weekend for next week’s volleyball game?” She batted her eyelashes at him, stepping impossibly closer.

“I-uh, I’m really sorry Vanessa, but I’m all booked this weekend.”

“Surely you could make time for me, yeah? Aren’t I your favorite?” Vanessa said sweetly. His favorite? He didn’t have a favorite, that would be unfair to the others! Patton, of course, wouldn’t say that to her, lest he hurt her feelings.

“I’m sorry, I really don’t have time! I’m doing a lot of things this weekend and don’t have any room. I barely have time to sleep and-” he was cut off as Vanessa drew a finger down his chest. “W-what are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” She purred, winking at him. Get off, get off, geT OFF-

“He already said no, Vanessa Cordill.” Came a voice from behind. Turning his head, he saw none other than Logan Danrow seated at the table he had run into. Vanessa backed up a few steps, glaring.

“Logan?” Patton asked, shuffling towards him so he was farther away from her .

“Wait, Pat, you know this prick?” Vanessa spat, very different from the person he had been talking with moments prior. He nodded.

“Well, yeah, we know each other from- er, yeah we know each other.” he stammered out, hands fiddling with his bracelets. It was getting harder to breathe.

“Again, Vanessa, he already said he was busy. You may leave, lest your boyfriend sees you.” Logan stated flatly, gaze returning to his book. Glancing back towards Vanessa, she pulled a small notepad out of her purse and scribbled something on it, handing it to him once she had ripped it out.

“Just in case you change your mind,” Was all she said before turning around and skipping back to her table to hang with her tennis friends.

Logan turned a page as Patton sat down across from him. Logan glanced back up at him in surprise.

“You want to sit here?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “I was under the impression that you wished to sit with your friends.”

“Aw, but Logan you are one of my friends!” Patton grinned, grabbing his previously abandoned tray. “Plus, it seems no one needs my help, so until they do, I’m here! I do feel guilty, though…”

“What do you feel guilty about? I’m afraid I do not understand.” Logan stated, setting his book down.

“It’s just… I’m sure I could’ve fit Vanessa’s activity somewhere in my schedule…” he bit the inside of his cheek. “If I just cut my study time by an hour I could have fit her in, y’know?” He fiddled with the stem on his apple, breaking it off with a wince. “I probably could still tell her, actually!”

“No,” Logan said when he went to stand up. “You should not cut your study time to help someone who has enough help. Your grades are important. Vanessa will be fine.”

Patton slumped back into his seat, chewing on his lip. “I suppose… I just… I want to help people. They’re counting on me.” he wiped at a tear threatening to fall. Logan tapped his fingers against the table.

“Patton,” he started. “How often do you help people?”

“Not enough,” Patton admitted with a hiccup. “Most of my weekend is booked, but I’m sure I could do more if I moved things around. I’m sorry for invading your time, Logan, I’ll leave if you want me to.”

“Nonsense,” Logan waved his hand through the air. “I wasn’t doing much anyway. You know, most people don’t even do half the things you put yourself up for. Do you spend all your free time for others?” At Patton’s nod, he continued. “I recommend taking a weekend for yourself, at the very least.”

“I don’t know, mayb-”

“HEY PATTON! Can you help us?” a member of the Drama Club, Canin, yelled from across the cafeteria, jogging over to him. “Auditions are coming in a couple weeks and we need help choosing a musical to do!” Canin begged. Patton spared an apologetic glance at Logan before following after Canin.

In the final period of the day, the class was told to fill out a worksheet on the periodic table using stations around the room. They were separated into teams of three, Patton’s teammates being Angelica Carter and Skye Johnson. Once they were sent to a station, all three got to work. Well, Skye and Patton did.

Skye was especially smart at science, telling him their dream job was to become an astronomer one day, and to be the first nonbinary person in space. Patton told them that their name was fitting, which caused Skye to burst into giggles.

Angelica, on the other hand, wouldn’t do anything. Once Skye confronted her on it, she claimed that she couldn’t do anything because she didn’t have a pen or pencil.

Just as Patton was about to offer her a pen, he was struck by the memory of himself offering a pen to Virgil on his first day.

Whenever he offered a pen or pencil to others, he almost never got it back, and this was the same situation with Virgil.

Patton had finished filling out his paper, and once he glanced at Virgil the first thing he noticed was the pen in his hands. Patton had wanted so bad to ask for it back, since it was his second-to-last one. But he hadn’t said anything.

And now he was here, feeling guilty that we couldn’t give Angelica a writing utensil. God , this was just not his day, huh? First he couldn’t help Vanessa, then he couldn’t help the Drama Club choose between Little Shop of Horrors and Hairspray, and now didn’t even have a simple pen for Angelica. He was such a failure .

“Maybe the teacher has something?” He offered, Skye returning to the project. Angelica shrugged and walked over to Ms. Alstor.

And even when Angelica had returned, she didn’t help. At all. All Skye did was roll their eyes and mumble under their breath.

Patton didn’t say anything.

All three got an A.

Patton arrived late to Sanders’, again . He had gotten caught up once Jasmine Illes, Vice President of the Student Council, tried to convince him to help out with the volleyball event. He had just barely gotten away with his established schedule intact.

He bursted into the lobby, signing in before Katrine, the one in charge of the front desk, let him in while informing him that the group should still be in the check-in room. He rushed in, Virgil and Logan looking up at him when he entered. Roman was spinning around in his chair, but quickly stopped to greet Patton.

“Sorry I’m late! I got caught up because this girl from school, Jasmine, asked me if I could do something with the Student Council on the weekend.” he quickly announced, taking a deep breath soon after. He grabbed a sheet before plopping down in the nearest chair, taking a few moments to catch his breath.

“Jasmine Illes?” Roman asked. “I know her.” Patton raised an eyebrow.

“You go to Fieldrow? Haven’t seen you there.” Patton said, scribbling out answers.

“Oh, yeah, I just… don’t have the opportunity to go there often.” he replied, looking at the ground awkwardly. Patton was about to say something when Virgil spoke up.

“Yeah, I go there, too,” he muttered, Logan piping up in agreement.

“Aw cool! It’s still the beginning of the school year, maybe we could all join a club that meets on the weekends so we can hang out more!” Patton grinned, looking around at the others.

“I’m not very interested in joining clubs,” Logan started. “I would consider it if it were the Science or Math clubs, but neither of them meet on the weekends.”

“And I don’t really… do clubs. At all.” Virgil continued. Patton let out a small ‘aw’ before turning to Roman.

“What ‘bout you, Roman?” he asked, not acknowledging Logan’s small flinch at the bad grammar.

“Well… I suppose I was thinking about joining the Drama Club… I’m just not sure if it’d work with… me” Roman shook his head. “I’ll decide once they pick a musical.”

Virgil snorted, which caused Roman to let out an indignant ‘wha- hey!’.

“Y’know, I don’t know why I didn’t peg you for a theater nerd earlier, Ro’. It makes perfect sense.” was all Virgil said before Becca quieted them down and told them to start sharing their answers.

Once inside the therapy’s cafeteria, Patton was confronted by Charlie.

“Hey, Patton! I have a new exposure for you.” she greeted. “You ready?”

“Um, hold on-” Patton flipped through his binder, before landing on the page he wanted. He whipped out his pen, and continued. “Yep!”

“Alright, this one’s pretty simple but fits what we’re working on with you! All you need to do is ask a staff to borrow a pen and not return it by the end of the day.” Patton stared at her with wide eyes. His life seemed to be revolving around pens, recently, wasn’t it?

“Do I… do I get to return them next week? Cause, y’know… it’s Friday.” he asked, fiddling with his bracelets. Charlie shook her head.

“It’s better not to. Because, in the future, if you accidentally steal a pen from someone, we don’t want you to freak out much. So it’s better to fight that feeling by keeping them!” she smiled. “I know you’ll do great, Patton.”

Patton scribbled it down in his binder reluctantly. He really did want to refuse the exposure, but that would make Charlie disappointed in him, which would make her feel bad. And Patton hated making other people feel bad. So, discomfort it was.

Patton found himself in front of the two other counselors’, Harley and Ramona’s, office. Peeking through the window he saw that only Harley was present. He knocked on the door before walking in.

“Hey, Patton,” She greeted. “Whatcha need?”

Patton put on his default smile. Act happy, not stressed, he told himself.

“Heyo Harley! I was just wondering if I could borrow a pen?”

After 9 minutes, he had cycled through Becca, Katrine, Ramona, and Vicki. He figured it would be pretty stupid of himself to ask Charlie, so he had to start back at the beginning. Oh dear, what am I supposed to say?

He didn’t have much time to mull it over before Virgil skidded to a stop in front of him. He barely had time to greet him before Virgil was huffing out a response.

“Hey… Patton… sorry one second… gotta catch my breath…” he panted. Patton smiled at him.

“M’kay… This is stupid now that I think of it, but I’m just… Exposures really stress me out, and I have this one where I’m supposed to knock on a staff’s door and just… leave before they can open it.” Virgil started, curling into his hoodie.

“What’s the problem?” Patton prompted when Virgil stayed silent.

“It’s just… really anxiety provoking and- ugh y’know what, it really is stupid, I’ll leave-” Patton grabbed his arm before he could run off. Virgil stilled.

“Virgil! It’s not stupid, Sanders’ can take a lot to get used to. Roman was stressed on his first exposure day, too! Now, I know it’s not your first day, but it still counts! It’ll take a bit to get used to, but it helps in the end!” Patton smiled. “Wanna hug?”

“Erm, no thanks, physical contact scares me. But, ah, thank you. That… helped.” Virgil gave him a small, awkward smile. Patton cherished it. “I am a bit confused, though,” he continued. “It’s about Roman. He said something about my first day being his second proper day, and I was wondering how long he’s been here? Sorry if that was confusing.”

“Don’t worry, I know what you meant. Roman’s first day was Monday, and he started exposures on Tuesday, I think. And then on Wednesday, you came!” Virgil nodded at this, seeming satisfied.

“Now go on!” Patton prompted, gesturing to the staff hallway. “You’ll do great!”

Patton walked into his house, pulling out his phone almost immedietly. He had a plan.

Therapy pals!!

{ Patton } { Heyo!! I made a group chat for us all !!! }

{ Is everyone excited for the weekend?? I am!! }

| Virgil | | ah, weekends. my favorite days of the week to hate myself |

{ VIRGIL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! }

| lmao |

( Logan ) ( My weekends are spent studying, I’m impartial to them. )

[ Roman ] [ Uhhh youre Logan right? Dont have you saved on my phone yet ]

( *you’re *Don’t )

[ Yup thats Logan ]

( I don’jehgfvurkghds )

| wait what |

[ Holy shit ]

{ Roman, language!!! }

{ And are you okay logan!?!?!? }

[ Santa mierda ]

| what? |

( I apologize, I was walking and a dog ran in front of me, causing me to trip. I am okay. And, Roman, is that Spanish? )

{ OH THANK GOD!!!! }

[ Yea it’s Spanish ]

{ Did you get a picture of the dog???????? }

( I was not aware you spoke another language, Roman. I suppose that makes sense, since you are so bad at English. And no, I did not get a picture of the dog, it ran off rather quickly after I tripped. )

[ HEY ]

{ Aw!! Well at least you’re okay!!! }

| i’m gonna put roman’s spanish thru google translate hold up |

[ Wait no ]

( Please use capital letters, Virgil. Plus, it’s spelled through. )

| ajsjfisdkf |

| patton |

{ Oh no!! Is something wrong??? }

| no just uh |

| pls put roman’s spanish thru google translate |

( I cannot believe you. )

{ Alright… }

( Do you exist just to insult the English language? )

[ oh nooo my phones about to die ahhh ]

| nice try roman |

{ ROMAN!!!! Don’t swear, even in other languages! >:( }

[ Hey Virgil, i gotta tell you something ]

[ i hate u ]

| who doesnt |

{ Hate is a strong word, Roman. }

[ i know ]

{ VIRGIL NO!!!!!! I LOVE YOU LIKE A SON!!!!!!!!!!!!! D: }

| did i just get adopted |

( It’s not adoption if it’s not in a legal document. )

{ YES YOU DID MY DARK STRANGE SON!!!!!!! ILY!!!! }

( Oh. )

[ Logan should be the mom ]

[ I’ll be the strange uncle who you only see once a year but might be a government spy ]

( What? )

| nah roman you’re like the kid next door |

[ Thanks..? ]

[ Wait did i just get kicked out of the family ]

( I’m afraid I don’t understand how I could be a mother, not even mentioning how Patton, Virgil, and I could even be a family. )

[ I cant believe i got kicked out of the family ]

{ Don’t worry, it’s a metaphorical family Logan!!! }

[ What did i do to deserve this ]

( But how am I a mother? )

( Is anyone going to respond? )

// Private Conversation between Roman and Virgil \\

[ I don’t hate you, by the way. ]

[ Like in all seriousness. ]

| lol don’t worry man i got that from the lack of good spelling and no capital letter |

| coz you don’t type like that usually |

[ Oh, good. I was hoping by doing that I wouldn’t come across as serious. ]

| yea |

| so uhhhhhhhh |

| hold on gotta think of somethin to say so this isn’t awkward |

| what musicals do you like? |

[ Congrats Virgil!! You just unlocked an hours long conversation ]

| wait no |

| eh nvm i wasnt doing anything tonight anyway |

[ Kay so im gonna start off with the popular ones ofc! ]

-- --

Patton smiled as he looked over the conversation they all had. Because no matter what happened at therapy, by the end he knew he’d still have his new friends. He giggled to himself, feeling giddy. This was so exciting!

He glanced at the groupchat’s name, which at the moment was simply ‘ Therapy pals!! ’, a spur of the moment decision by Patton. He bit his lip as he thought it over.

Patton changed the name of the group to FamILY! -

Patton smiled even wider than before. Tomorrow was bound to be a good day.

He was sure of it.

15 notes · View notes

earthtocass · 4 years

Text

I’m Sorry

Dear Alex,

I know you probably will never see this, because you haven’t used this site in forever but i need somewhere to say this to you and I don’t know if i will get the chance to make things better.

Where do I start? our first date? I couldn’t believe that I had finally met someone who I resonated with quite like I did with you.

Do you remember? we spoke all night like it was nothing, we shared our interests, our thoughts, our dreams, what we wanted in life. every aspect of what you wanted matched mine. I never wanted that night to end, I could have spoken to you until my lungs gave out. I could have looked into your blue eyes until I was old and grey and you would have captivated me every step of the way.

I remember laughing and smiling, sharing shitty date stories, our heart breaks. I knew from the moment you walked into my life that I would do whatever it took to keep you by my side. to see your cheeky grin.

I remember thinking how much I hated beards, but god damn did you look amazing in yours. I never wanted to see you without it, and to this day I haven’t.

We started seeing each other frequently, and every time I saw you, my whole body caught fire. Touching you ignited a flame in me, it was electric, and i still feel it every time you touch me. Even to this day. While it may no longer be a intense burning, it is a warm welcome fuzzy feeling i like to call home.

I remember feeling like a little school girl, with a crush, we went to the zoo I still remember the wild dog toy you bought me as a gift. the photos of that day still hang on our walls. Such a happy memory.

we shared so much in common, music, games, passions, drive, a want for children, and so much more, you really were instantly the half of me I had been missing my entire life. It was like a melding of minds that just made sense, and I know you felt that too as we spoke so often about how we just instantly connected.

It took two weeks for me to finally build up the courage to ask what it was we had become. I remember clearly i was at Lachlan’s house and they were all asking me about this mysterious boy and what you were to me. I remember yearning for you to say that i was your girlfriend, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up for the fear that you weren’t ready to label us.

Much to my delighted surprise, you wanted to be mine! my heart could have burst I was so happy. YOU, You wanted to be with ME!

the days where we didn’t see each other, they grew shorter and shorter. I remember cooking for you and your family, and them cooking for me. Home life for me then was not the best, with a new step dad being imported from another country and all the concern that brought. Your home life wasn’t that fair either at the time. but I remember admiring how dedicated you were to your family, supporting them through a decision like moving states and keeping them afloat.

It came a time where the Flemington house would be no more, what were you going to do?? where would you stay? would I move in? and sure enough, myself and my two dogs moved into a crummy little 2 bedroom house with a pink shower bath and wooden floors.

It was by no means our flashiest moment of living, but it was ours. Okay Sean lived there too, and yes that presented its own set of challenges. But we wanted to help! and we did for so long.

I remember you getting so drunk you threw up all over our bedroom floor, and on the day we had an electrician coming. I remember being so mad, but now I look back on it and smile, it isn’t a bad memory. You flooded our floor and were so sick. I cared for you that day, feeding you and cleaning you up. Because I love you and that is just what you do.

I remember when it all got too much, and what a strain that put on us. but we talked it through and came out better.

I remember when everything fell apart between your Aunty and your Mum, and that the family that said they would always have your back, suddenly abandoned you without work. I wasn’t earning the best wage then, but we made it work. whatever we had to do to make ends meet and to support each other.

You started working with my dad, I still have fond memories of that, he got to know you so well and you him. You built a bond so strong, he would do anything to help you out.

We stuck that out for a while, us and our little family.

I remember in December of 2016, you had been driving around that cursed Mitsubishi with all it’s huntsmans and you hated it. I remember you looking at the most disgusting green wagon I had ever seen, but you loved it. oh the petty bickering we did about that colour. Yet somehow I still look back on those little sessions and I smile, we had differing opinions but we never let them be a focus we just made it witty little banter, that was uniquely ours. Like your love of the E30, which I will never understand.

No actually I do, you love the engineering genius, you love that they are aerodynamic, you love that they are quick and punchy and they are able to be used for lots of things, you love the way they drive and you hate that you sold the one you had. You think they are comfortable and classic and beautiful to drive and I know your dream is to purchase another and to work on it. I know I said that I wouldn’t let you get one, but really I probably could be persuaded.

Anyway off track, you wanted that wagon so much. I remember how much I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to give you the world on a silver platter, I still do. You said to me that this was your dream car, you had always wanted one, so one day on a whim we went to a dealer and we spoke to them about it. we took it for a test drive and I remember the look on your face, how excited you were, like a kid in a candy store. I wanted so bad for you to feel that every time you drove it. so we bought it. We made it work, was it a rash decision? probably, did it bring us joy and memories, bloody oath it did. So it was worth it. Every penny, every complex issue, it was worth every smile it gave you.

Moving in with my mum to try and save was probably one of the worst decisions we made. But it allowed us to get in front, a little. I remember not caring that we only had a little bedroom to live in, if we could use this to build what was ours, it would be worth it.

I remember you coming to me and not wanting to work for Greg anymore, we decided that if that was going to be the case we would find something you wanted to do. We obtained your mutual recognition as an electrician and you got a job doing your trade! how exciting! but not for very long. I remember wanting to murder the man who bullied you. How fiercely protective of what was mine, and so angered that it had resulted in you being left without work again.

But you are smart and resilient, you picked yourself up, you dusted yourself off and we started the hunt for work again. You make yourself useful to every employee and you work hard! I admire that in you, you are such a hard worker, and you want to ensure that you are pleasing everyone. One of the many things that I love about you.

We lost a dog, it was hard... and I know what we are going through now brings back memories of this. I remember being so stressed, but you were my pillar and I hope that I was yours. we got through it unscathed. It was time consuming, yes, but in the end, we came out on top.

It then came the day we were moving out of that wretched house, away from the woman who gave us so much grief. Boy could we not be happier that day had come.

Our new town house, all our own, no eyes, no family, just me and you! finally! we needed that I felt. While we may have bickered, I always ensured you knew how much I loved you at the end of every day. That love is never ending, and I know sometimes you felt like it wasn’t.

Then I got sick, we couldn’t figure it out, and I was sick for a long time. You supported me, cared for me, and made me whole. I got better after a trip to the hospital and my love for you just continued to flourish and grow.

The time came where we needed to heal our hearts and welcome a new member to our family. You didn’t want another Siberian like I did, you wanted something cool, something different.

We had stumbled across the Swedish Vallhund in our search years before when we were living in our little two bedroom home. You loved the look and sound of them and I loved that they would have the same energy as Evee who so desperately needed a friend.

We made it happen, signed the contract and I went to go visit them, you drove 3 hours to come and pick me up from Bendigo. My god I love you.

Months later, a little baby girl was made available to us, she was a dream come true, so adorable and cuddly, and perfectly ours. She brought us so many laughs and smiles, something to talk about outside of our daily lives.

I got lost in showing her, I wanted to do it every weekend! now I reflect on it, it was not only about going out and doing something and it being a passion of mine. It was about spending time with you, the love of my life and our dogs. It meant that we weren’t spending every weekend in our house, but out seeing new places, meeting new people. We could talk about new experiences.

I wanted to do things with you, for you to be involved and it seemed to be good at the beginning, but I know I over killed the ambition. I’m Sorry.

We welcomed another into our home 6 months later, although it was meant to be temporary, that goofy little boy, you loved him so much.

I remember the time you came into the kitchen and you told me that I needed to get my licence, that you couldn’t keep being the only driver in the house and it was taking a toll on you. I remember trying to defend myself like I always do, and I am not making excuses, but I was raised a defensive kid. I was so anxious, but the more I thought about it. The more I knew that I needed to do this, for you! I couldn’t let you feel miserable being the only one driving and able to freely move around.

I thought about what you said long and hard and we began learning, I remember when you first took me out on the road in the wagon. You took me into the back streets of an industrial estate. I sat in the drivers seat for the first time since I was 18. I cried, boy did I cry, I had a full blown anxiety attack, but you held me until I calmed down, you were so patient with me and my heart flew. We drove around that estate for what felt like forever.

You were patient and kind and reassured me I was doing a good job. But that car made me anxious, all that power, even if it wasn't that bad, I needed a car I would feel safe in. So on the hunt we went. We looked at so many cars, cheap ones, expensive ones, not so expensive ones. We looked together, we test drove so many.

Finally we bought my car, while it was more than we wanted to spend, it was what made sense. Because it would make you happy and I could drive it and get my licence and you could be a passenger and we could sing together to our favourite music in there.

I drove and I drove and I drove with you in those back streets, trying to learn how to park, becoming more confident.

I remember the first time I drove home, you were so proud of me. I remember being so happy that I had made you proud and that I wanted to do this more so that you could continue seeing I was trying to make an effort.

We welcomed a litter of puppies into the world, squeaky squarky little balls of beautiful fluff.

We spoke many times over the years about buying or building, looking at houses, looking at land, looking at plans and hopes and dreams. Our vision changed a few times, with many discussions. We settled on maybe looking into acreage, a beautiful block. I’m sorry if that wasn’t what you wanted, I thought we had discussed it and agreed.

I wanted the acreage not only so I could pursue my dreams, but you would be able to pursue yours too. You had spoken may times about wanting the E30, and a few other cars you could tinker with and rally around. Much to my worry, the thought of losing you to a car accident makes my heart stop.

I know that the start of this year has been less than ideal, paying two lots of rent, being behind on things and now the dogs in their situation. I know that this puts a real strain on us financially, but we don’t have to do it on our own. Our family and friends are there to help support us. My dad would do anything to ensure that we are looked after, Ayla has offered her support, and I am sure your family wouldn’t let us go homeless either.

I know that it is hard, because there is no one to blame, and it has put stress on us and we both haven’t been treating each other fairly. For that I apologise, I have been trying so hard not to let what is happening effect how I respond. To make sure I still check in with you and ask you how you are doing and make sure you know I am here to lean on, we could concur anything!

I know you hate that I never just shut up and let you vent about work without psychoanalysing everything and giving you my thoughts. I try so hard to resist the urge, but it doesn’t come from a place of being right or wrong, it is because I want you to see the positives in situations and not focus on the things that are dragging you down, because everyone has their own stuff happening. It is my way of trying to support you. I hope you know that, and every time I see you make progress or rationalise something that maybe before you would have clung to, I beam, I get so proud of you for being the better person in those situations.

I know I can be better, and I try to every day. When I say no, I usually say no because I am thinking about you, and us, and the life we want to build together. To make sure we aren’t making stupid decisions, but that is part of growing and learning. We make dumb decisions and then we work our way through them.

I promise, if you come home, and you want to sell the wagon. We will do it! we will work out what that is going to look like and we will go through with it if it is what you want. If you want to move out of Geelong, we will look for something else. If you want to go back to buying something pre-existing okay lets go. If you want to buy a standard block and live in it for the next 10 years, okay. All I want is to be where you are and I don’t care what that looks like.

If you never want to move again and you want to rent here for the rest of our lives. Okay, if you want to save slowly and take our time to find our what is right for us, there is no pressure for us to leave here.

I love that you listen and you want to please me, but I also want to please you. Let me listen to you, let me go along with what you want.

If you want to move back to Adelaide, I will follow you, I would follow you to the ends of the earth if that is what would make you happy because every action I take, every decision we make, we do it thinking about our future.

I was laying in bed the other day, after Cathryn’s wedding, thinking about how beautiful you looked. How much I loved seeing you all dressed up in that suit, how much I loved you. I began looking at wedding rings, and thinking that, well I could propose to you.

I started thinking about where I could do it, what were our favourite spots. I didn’t even care that you had been smoking, in truth, it actually made you sexier, don’t ask me how, because you know how much I hate the smell and the taste. Not to mention how may little tiffs we had over it, me trying to understand. But you were just unapologetically you, in all your glory and I didn’t think my heart could be any more full in that moment because I had you.

I know I put restrictions on recreational drug use, but I never wanted to stop you in full. I just wanted you to be safe, and not have an issue later in life which may be tied to the use. Those actions always came from a place of love, a place that wanted to keep you safe. For whatever reason you hadn’t been doing it much lately anyway, which I found surprising. But had you, it wouldn’t have mattered because you are the most important thing in my life.

You left, and I have no closure, I don’t know if you are coming back, but by god I would move heaven and earth to bring you home. I keep going over things in my head, what did I do? can I make it better? was it me? was it money? did I gain too much weight? did I not ask what you wanted to do enough? I have so many questions unanswered.

You need space, and I understand this and I am sorry I did not check in more.

I miss you more than words can express, I feel like my other half of me is missing and I don’t know how to find it. I am torn in two not knowing if there is anything I can do to make this all seem like a blip in our road.

Maybe we need time away, from this house, from the stress. at a little cabin or our tent, in the woods or on the beach where it is just us. No one else, no technology, just rediscovery and the comfort of each others presence.

I honestly cannot express how much you and this relationship mean to me. I don’t care about physical things, I don’t need you to buy me gifts for my birthday or special occasions. I just need you, I’m not hard to please. Being with you has been the easiest thing I have done in my life, because it just made sense.

I will be yours, always and forever.

Cass

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 5 years

Text

Non disclosure agreements pt.2

Summary: Shawn is desperate to talk to Y/N and fix things.

Warnings: mostly angst, some fluff

Word count: ~ 2.3k

Part 1

I moved my fingers around an almost empty bowl, grabbing a few popcorn and popped them in my mouth.

“This is a future memory.” Stefan begins the same line Shawn used and I frown, glaring at the television as if it’s the source of all evil.

“BOOO!” I couldn’t hold myself back, throwing the rest of my popcorn at the screen in frustration.

A weekend inside with The Vampire Diaries while the outside turned into winter wonderland was not ideal, but I needed it.

Shawn liked snow. He adored every damn snowflake, but I hated it. It was cold and wet, slippery and a hazard for clumsy people like me. Although Shawn fell on daily bases once ice rolled into town, he still enjoyed the weather...despite my Bambi jokes.

Shawn...

I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t on my mind all the time. I couldn’t sleep, finding him in my dreams every time I close my eyes. Watching his favorite TV show only to point out every time he used their lines on me wasn’t helping the situation and yet, I found it therapeutic. Not the words, but me boo-ing each line. Food? Well, I couldn’t get enough of food.

I scroll through my Twitter and Instagram, finding he didn’t post anything new since our break up.

Was he suffering too?

Good.

I know it’s childish and silly, but I wanted him to be hurt as I am. I was stuck in limbo, half of me loving him and the other one hating him. The part who clung to him had turned desperate and hateful toward the one who resented that NDA he presented me with. The hateful part...well, it simply despised him in every way.

I never thought he’d be the one to break my heart.

His sexiest quality by far is emotional warmth, nothing else comes close. Yet, I find myself freezing since the moment he pulled out those papers.

That sane part of me understood him, empathized with him. People always come and go in his life, all of them in search of something he could give them. Once they receive it, they disappear and take a part of him with them.

Shawn is the type to give his all to anyone he meets and regardless how difficult it is, he never showed to be disappointed when they leave. I guess it finally took its toll on him and I had to pay the price.

A soft knock on my door brings me out of this particular thought and I stand up, wrapping myself into a blanket. Trudging my way to the door, I quickly rub my eyes to make myself seem happier.

Forgetting to check who’s on the other side, I open the door and gasp unintentionally.

“Hear me out, okay?” Shawn stands with his palms pressed together, pleading. His eyes are tired, dark circles surrounding them. His usually styled curls are a mess, sticking out in different directions, unruly and wild like they turned only behind closed bedroom doors.

“Think I made myself clear.” With a heavy heart, I push the door closed. But Shawn had a different idea.

Shawn’s quick to push his way in, despite my attempt to keep him out.

I narrow my eyes at him, crossing my arms over my chest. I stay rooted to the spot, a breeze from the hallway moving my hair softly away from my face. Shawn keeps his eyes steady, remaining on my face as if they’re finally home again, just briefly before the sorrow in them starts to build up.

“Remember how happy we were! I’m begging you!” His voice is laced in desperation and it pricks at my heart like thorns of a red rose, a flower he frequently gifted me with.

I bite my lower lip, sucking on the soft flesh nervously, looking anywhere but at him with uncertainty. Should I let him speak, my resolve might waver. Should he break my resolve, it will chip away a piece of who I am and it will be lost to me forever. My features buckle just slightly before I speak, the only betrayal of my grief.

“I think you should leave, Shawn.” I try and push back at all those happy memories we’ve made so far, finding they’re agonizing now.

“Hey! This is going to sound really stupid, but I saw you from across the street and I really wanted to kiss you. What do you say, eh?” Starting with the first words he ever spoke to me.

I recognized him instantly, thinking it was a prank of some sorts. Yet, I didn’t complain when he pressed his lips against mine and took the very breath from my lungs.

For a guy who claimed he has no game, he certainly proved otherwise that day.

“Now that we’re acquainted, what do you say about having a cup of coffee with me?” And he was smooth, charming...a perfect combination of sexy and fluff and I couldn’t resist him.

“Is this where we say goodbye? The end of the road?” He steps closer, looking down on me just like he did the first time we met. Just like he did every damn day after that; softly, gently, longingly. It’s the kind of a look that makes you sure love is visible, tangible and real.

“God, the way you look at me. Stop looking at me like that.” I speak through gritted teeth, running a hand through my hair as my emotions run wild.

I want to kiss him and slap him at the same time. I want to run my fingers through his hair and pull at it, caress him and push him away...I’m a walking contradiction when he’s in question and it’s driving me insane. Absolutely insane.

Shawn chuckles and I know he’s got a bad habit of laughing at the worst possible time. He shakes his head to wipe that adorable smile from his face, knowing I might be insulted by the gesture, but I’m not. I know he meant nothing malicious by that burst of energy he couldn’t contain. I know his anxiety is at an all time high right now and I can’t hold it against him.

“I’ll always look at you like you’re the only one for me. Because you are.” Shawn takes a step closer, reaching toward me with his hands.

I follow them closely, closing my eyes once they make contact with my hips and the hold he has on me tightens.

“If I give you a chance to explain why you want that NDA right now, will you please be honest with me?” The words leaving my lips make no sense, but my mouth seems to be faster than my brain right now. He’s in my head and I keep on forgetting he’s taken over my heart and he’s at the very seams of my being. He became a vital, out of body organ I needed to function. I know it’s wrong, but everything changed when we met. He became the blood that runs through my veins, but I’d survive without him either way. I’d move on, however, he’d always be somewhere inside, forever stuck with me.

Being infected by Shawn Mendes is an incurable disease and I know all I can do is manage the symptoms as they come along.

“I never lied to you.” Shawn says quietly, leaning down to rest his lips on my forehead. They’re warm,...far too warm for someone who just came in from a blizzard. And that’s when I know...He’s been standing in front of my door for God knows how long in hopes of talking things through and I feel my heart soften ever so slightly.

“So talk to me. Shawn, why?” I press the palms of my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beat is fast, but in perfect rhythm with my own.

“Because I got hurt. Hailey, she...kind of betrayed my trust while I swore up and down she’d never do that. And the worst part is, she worked with the studio for that. By the time I was included, I had already invested time and feelings and it all went to waste. It’s why I kept us a secret for so long.” Shawn sighs against my skin, moving back to look at my face properly.

I couldn’t look him in the eye, staring at his perfectly plump lips instead as he spoke.

“I was scared they’d ask the same of you. And I know! I know you’re not her, but there’s this quiet voice in my mind that annoys the shit out of me. It questions me and it questions my ability to know who to trust and I know in my heart I can trust you. I do.” Shawn keeps rambling, most of it becoming unrecognizable as his thoughts come out jumbled and I know his anxiety is getting to him. I know he needs emotional stability and yet, I need to put my foot down. Should I let this slide every time he feels any anxiety, I’d sacrifice my own needs for him all the time and instead of a loving relationship, we’d turn toxic.

I press my index finger against his lips, finally looking up at his eyes.

“That’s irrational and you know it.”

Then he turns to go, shoulders sunken and his hands in his pockets. Before I know what I'm doing I'm standing in his way and we lock eyes, the perfect distance for a kiss, but he shakes his head. I can see my pain mirrored in his dark eyes.

“Shawn...You said you think I’m the only one for you. If that’s the case, is that NDA seriously more important than I am? Are you willing to let your fears hold you back from having happiness in your life? Will you let the label tell you who to date or will you make your own rules? Because that’s the Shawn I know and love.”

Shawn averts his eyes to the floor, looking at the fluffy black carpet he surprised me with on my birthday. He knew I loved anything soft that resembled animal fur without it actually being fur and he got this as a present. I loved him for it. I still love him for it.

“Shawn?” He always said he'd persuade his label when the time came that we weren’t a threat to his career. I guess they won after all.

He looks back up at me, following the sound of my voice on instinct. He always said he’d know my whisper in a screaming crowd.

We have a silent conversation as we stared into each others eyes. I finally look away, tears threatening to blur my vision, when a hand encircles mine. It’s soft and warm, reassuring almost, as If the owner of that hand sensed my desperation.

“You’re more important. I don’t really care for the NDA, I swear. I would place my life in your hands and trust you to keep it safe, let alone anything else. I was just angry that you didn’t even entertain the idea of signing. Like it was ridiculous. It felt like you didn’t understand me or the pressure they applied for a month until I caved to bring it before you.” He sighs and I blink fast, a tear slipping past my defenses.

He did fight for me.

He did.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Shawn? I wasn’t upset about the contract itself, but by the thought of you just letting them dictate our lives without a fight.” My bottom lip quivers and I notice his do the same as he looks up in exasperation.

“It’s not easy telling your girl you failed in something. Unfortunately, they wore me down and I really didn’t think you’d mind. I thought you’d laugh it off and sign it, throw it on some shelf to collect dust while we live our lives together.” Shawn admits, making eye contact once more.

I place a hand on either side of his face and observe him cautiously.

“You fought for me.” I pause, silently staring into my favorite whiskey colored eyes with adoration I’ve always had for him.

“It’s all I needed to know.” I smile, running my thumb across his cheek slowly.

“Of course. It always comes down to love of a girl and for me that was your love.” His lips turn up into a tiny smile, as he holds me tightly to his chest.

“That was a Damon line!” I exclaim, slapping his chest playfully.

“Founder’s party in season one, I think.” Shawn squints in an attempt to remember and I shake my head slightly.

“Sounds about right.” I add, confirming his thoughts since I basically watched the entire season yesterday.

“You’re not signing that contract.” Shawn leans down, kissing the top of my nose and I crinkle it in response.

“I’m grateful that you’re saying that now...but I’m gonna sign it.” I state, using the fact that his face is so close to me to leave a quick peck on his cheek.

“No, you’re not.” Shawn frowns, moving away from my face and I take in a deep breath.

“Are we going to fight about me wanting to sign it now? Because I’ll sign it to get them off your back. I don’t want you having anxiety over this anymore. You proved you love me, trust me...it’s enough for me. And I love you for it.” I whisper the last bit, capturing his lips into a kiss that feels just right.

“But tomorrow.” I break the kiss to look at him properly, my fingers wandering around the curls at the back of his head.

“I want to spend some quality naked time with my boyfriend tonight.” I smile cheekily and he grunts, connecting our lips hungrily once more.

Tags: @accalialionheart @xalayx @ourlittleshawnie @esoltis280

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x y/n #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes angst

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inyournightmares97 · 5 years

Text

My Youth (Chapter 6)

Broken and miserable, Park Jinyoung returns to his hometown to learn that no matter how hard he falls, there are still people who think he’s a hero.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/depression, death, angst, slow build, maybe some language.(Please don’t ask when I’ll update. Wait until the series is finished to read if you’re impatient.)

Word Count: 5.7k+

(Can’t put links to the other parts here, please check my Masterlist/the reblog for the Prologue and Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5)

“-Mom, I’m busy,” Jinyoung muttered into the phone. He had been sitting in a crucial meeting with the Finance Director of GOT Tech and representatives of the Financial Regulatory Board. Receiving approval for his company to go public was one of the most critical and risky steps in Jinyoung’s career.

His mother, however, had been calling him constantly for the last twenty minutes.

Mrs. Park sounded upset. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung, dear. I just needed to reach you-”

“Mom, I’m in an extremely important meeting right now. Do you know how it looks when the Managing Director of GOT Group keeps getting calls from his mother during business meetings? What do you want from me?” Jinyoung demanded in a frustrated whisper, running his fingers through his hair. He tried not to let his agitation show on his face; the other high-profile attendees of the meeting could still see him through the glass wall of the conference room.

“Jinyoung, there’s been a terrible tragedy in town,” his mother began nervously. “I don’t… I don’t know how to tell you this, but i suppose there’s no easy way to talk about a death. Remember I told you that I’ve been going to the hospital every day to meet-”

Jinyoung felt a burst of irritation. The clock was ticking. The Board members were waiting for him impatiently and he could see the disapproval on their faces. “Mom, did you call me to tell me that someone died?”

“Well… yes, but-”

“Mom, I have been preparing for this presentation for months. The future of my company depends on this meeting. This is absolutely the worst time you could have chosen to tell me something like this,” Jinyoung muttered through gritted teeth. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Please don’t mess up my focus right now. We can talk about this later. Do you need anything from me urgently?”

Mrs. Park hesitated. “You always seem to be busy these days. I just thought… if we could maybe help out with the funeral expenses or the hospital bills…”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Mom, you can just call my secretary for that. She’ll send you whatever amount you need. Send them flowers from me or something, okay? I have to go now.”

“Take care, Jinyoung, dear-”

“Bye, Mom.”

Jinyoung hung up and sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple. His personal secretary had followed him out of the room and was watching him nervously. He hadn’t even asked his mother who it was that had passed away. Was it somebody he knew? Maybe it was best that he didn’t think about it too much for now.

“Take my Mom’s call and ask her who died, send them money for the funeral and all those formalities,” Jinyoung told his secretary shortly. She nodded and made a note of it on her phone quickly while Jinyoung cleared his mind.

Focus. The presentation. The numbers.

Jinyoung took a deep, calming breath and plastered a rehearsed smile on his face before he turned to enter the conference room once more.

“I’m so sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting,” Jinyoung greeted all the well-dressed men with a bright smile. “I hope you can forgive me. Mothers seem to have a knack for calling at the most inconvenient times, don’t they?”

The men chuckled politely. “That’s perfectly fine, Mr. Park.”

“May I begin the presentation?”

“Please, do.”

--------

Jinyoung believed that to achieve something great, you needed to make certain sacrifices.

He had always known that the path he was embarking upon was not an easy one. Establishing your own business meant that you didn't get off work at 5 pm sharp, you couldn’t spend your weekends at a countryside cabin or getting drinks with your friends. You needed to keep working until things got done. You needed to compete in the market. You needed to be strong enough to pick up after your losses and clever enough to make friends in the right places. People were depending on you.

Jinyoung hadn’t merely chosen a career, he had chosen a life.

A very lonely life.

Whenever his mother would call him and try to have a casual chat, Jinyoung would find himself irritated. Who cared whether Mrs. Lee from the grocery store was giving a discount on strawberry bread? What did it matter if Mr. Cha had been trying to sell his little farmland? There was important work to be done. Jinyoung needed to talk to the advertising agents to make sure his products were being launched properly, he needed to negotiate discounts with suppliers to ensure he could meet the planned pricing goals. There were employees relying on him. There were investors who had trusted him with their money. There were quarterly goals that had to be met.

Every second of Jinyoung’s time was precious. Why couldn’t everyone understand that? Why couldn’t his mother stop thinking that her tiny little world in this tiny little town was everything, and understand the importance of what her son was doing?

There are a limited number of hours every man has at his disposal. We each make a conscious choice regarding how to spend each one.

It was only now, standing in front of your mother’s grave, that Jinyoung came a terrifying realization.

He had made the wrong choices.

------

“It was heart failure,” Mrs. Park whispered.

Jinyoung’s hands clutched the cup of tea firmly. It was hot and uncomfortable, but not more than the sick feeling in his stomach. Every word his mother spoke made him feel more pathetic.

What had he been doing all those months while your mother was in hospital and when she’d died? Preparing for his company to go public? Sitting in meetings and sucking up to corporate officials? Only to be fired and thrown out of the company. Only to have missed the death of somebody who had trusted him and cared for him.

“But she couldn’t have been that old…” Jinyoung muttered.

Mrs. Park shook her head softly. “She’d always had a weak heart, Jinyoung. Her health was fragile and after her husband passed away she had no choice but to work to support her daughter. All those long hours and late nights for years… they took their toll in the end. She had her first stroke three years ago. She was in hospital for a few weeks and then she had the second one; the one that took her life.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, remembering your mother in his mind’s eye.

“She always looked tired. And worried.”

“She was.” Mrs. Park reached out and placed a hand over her son’s nervously. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung. I should have told you about it sooner. But you were always so busy in Seoul, always doing important things. It never seemed like the right time to tell you about something so devastating. It’s my fault.”

Jinyoung let out a small scoff. “Don’t take the blame on yourself. That doesn’t help me.”

Mrs. Park looked upset. “Jinyoung-”

She was interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door. Jinyoung closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temple while he listened to his father go to the door and yell at the person on the other side. The reporters had already found his home address. They had started arriving one-by-one since this morning. Each of them desperately wanted an interview with Park Jinyoung, the man who had lost his empire overnight. They wanted to know what he had to say about his dismissal from his own company.

Mr. Park re-entered the living room and sighed. “They’re getting more persistent. I think I should call the local police before they start trying to shove their way into our house.”

Jinyoung nodded and stood up. “I’ll go down to the police station myself and ask them to send someone to deal with this harrassment. Mom, you’ve told everyone we know to deny any reporters who request them for an interview, right?”

“Yes, but is it really a good idea for you to be going outside now-”

“I think I’ll lose my mind if I stay indoors,” Jinyoung muttered. He grabbed the black hoodie that was slung over the back of the sofa and glanced at his parents. They were both looking at him with wide, worried eyes.

Jinyoung felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him; why should they have to deal with so much because of his mistakes? Why was he always the one taking and yet never giving?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “I’ll try and be back for dinner.”

------

Jinyoung’s legs carried him naturally towards the elementary school.

Perhaps it was a subconscious urge to see you, even though he had no idea what he would say if you really appeared before him. Anything Jinyoung could have said to help should have been said three years ago. Words like I’m sorry seemed like an insensitive joke at this point; too little and far too late.

Jinyoung sat silently on the bench by the schoolyard with his face covered by his dark hoodie, and wondered how his life had brought him to this point.

Left with nothing with shame.

“Ahjussi!”

By the time Jinyoung looked up, there was already a tiny figure running straight towards him at full speed. He flinched and braced himself for the impact; only to have the small boy stop centimetres away from him and throw his arms around him happily. Jinyoung stiffened.

“What-”

“Ahjussi, you are Park Jinyoung!” Ki-woo cried delightedly. The boy was beaming. Jinyoung noticed for the first time that one of his front teeth was missing, but it was still one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen. “Miss told me yesterday! Why did you lie and say you weren't? I can’t believe the King of the Playground walked me home after school and I didn’t even know!”

Jinyoung couldn’t resist a small smile. The sight of the little boy bouncing on his feet warmed him for a moment and he patted Ki-woo on the head. “If somebody asked Clark Kent if he was Superman, he wouldn’t say yes, now would he?”

Ki-woo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Wow. That’s so true! You’re so cool!”

“You’ll have to keep my secret.”

“Of course I will! Ahjussi, can you tell me how you did it? How did you manage to climb the oak tree?” Ki-woo demanded, grabbing Jinyoung’s arm and tugging on it eagerly. “You have to tell me, you just have to! Were you really tall?”

Jinyoung blinked. “Tall? Not particularly…”

“Then how? How did you do it?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to respond but he was cut off by a loud yell. He had been so preoccupied with Ki-woo that he hadn’t noticed the much larger man that was making his way across the school yard. Jackson Wang had a huge smile on his face and without greeting, he threw his arms around Jinyoung in a fierce hug.

“Park Jinyoung! Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!” Jackson cried happily. He pulled back and noticed the blank look on Jinyoung’s face. With a frown, he pointed to himself eagerly. “Remember me? Jackson! Jackson Wang! You used to pass me all the answers in History class!”

Jinyoung swallowed. “Uh…”

“Mr. Wang, you’re friends with Park Jinyoung?” Ki-woo asked, his mouth gaping open.

Jackson blinked and looked down at the boy sheepishly. “Ah, Ki-woo. I didn’t see you down there. Didn’t your teacher tell you to wait inside until someone came to pick you up? Go back indoors now.”

Ki-woo pouted. “But-”

“Nope. Back inside. Now.”

Jackson waited until Ki-woo began to slouch back towards the school building and then turned back to Jinyoung. “Man, you’re pretty much the celebrity around these parts now, eh? We had a couple of reporters come by the school this morning, asking for anyone who used to know you. You have nothing to worry about! I scared them off. These babies aren’t here for nothing,” Jackson beamed and flexed his bare bicep.

Jinyoung didn’t really know how to respond. “Nice.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You do remember me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course-”

“We should get drinks sometime and catch up now that you’re back in town! Man, I really owe you. You did me a solid one that Christmas before you left, remember? I’ll buy you a couple of beers at the pub. What’s your phone number?” Jackson demanded.

“I don’t really have a phone right now…”

“Don’t have a phone?” Jackson looked confused. “Weird but okay. I guess I can always ask Miss First Grade to get in touch with you. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me you were back in town!” he cried, slapping Jinyoung’s arm playfully. “Hold on… you’re here to see her, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Not exactly…”

Jackson chuckled knowingly. “No worries, man. I’ve got your back. I need to go inside and take care of the kids now, so I’ll tell her to come out and meet you here, yeah? Let me know if any more of those reporters come around. I’ll take handle them for you!”

Jinyoung forced a smile. “Thanks-”

“No problem, man. It’s what friends are for. We’ll catch up soon!”

“Sure.”

Jinyoung watched Jackson half-run back to the school building, letting out a sigh of relief. Each person he came across in this town seemed to remember something about him and the one who possessed the most dangerous knowledge was Jackson Wang. In addition to having been the resident supplier of inappropriate magazines and the one who’d convinced Jinyoung to try his first cigarette behind the park back in high school, Jackson simply knew a little too much about everybody.

Jinyoung sat down on the bench and took a deep breath. He just realized that Jackson had said he would send you out to meet him. Why hadn’t he told him not to? He wasn’t prepared to face you. Idiot.

It was a few minutes before you emerged from the school building and walked towards Jinyoung. There was a pleasant smile on your face as you approached, and it made Jinyoung’s stomach turn. How could you smile at him like that? How could you be so calm about everything?

“Jinyoung,” you greeted him, confused. “Should you be roaming around out here? There are reporters buzzing all around town.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Uh. Yeah, I know. Jackson said he drove them away...”

You rolled your eyes. “That idiot Jackson Wang? He was fully prepared to seize his five minutes of fame by telling them how you used to help him cheat in History class. I had to step in and force him to deny the request for an interview,” you muttered. Jinyoung’s eyes widened and you gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I sent a message to the principal of the middle school and the high school. Nobody’s going to give any interviews about you.”

Jinyoung felt small.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Did they find your house?”

“Yeah. They’ve been knocking the door all day. It’s really starting to bother Mom and Dad.”

Your expression was sympathetic. “Should I call the police?”

“Don’t worry. I was going to go down to the station myself and ask them to send someone to get rid of the reporters,” Jinyoung reassured you. He felt his heartbeat thump wildly as he looked at your gently smiling face. Should he say it? Should he talk about the elephant in the room? Even though he hadn’t prepared what to say?

“About… about last night…”

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sighed. “About your mother. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I know that’s no excuse, but I should have been there and-”

You cut him off with a forced smile. “Jinyoung. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have done anything for her even if you were here, you’re not a doctor. Everyone did the best they could.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I might not have been able to help her. But… I should have been there for you.”

The smile dropped from your face. What could you say? Jinyoung’s eyes were filled with shame but it wasn’t the right time for him to be offering condolences. That time had long passed.

But you still remembered his words from last night as he’d hugged you. I don’t feel as alone when I’m here. Jinyoung had been through so much. How could you say anything to such a broken man except for it’s okay? How could you offer him anything but comfort when he had nobody but you?

How could you not be the bigger person when he was suffering?

“It’s fine, Jinyoung,” you promised him softly. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“How can I not-”

“Seriously. Please. It’s in the past and nobody was to blame. It happened around the time your company was going public, so I can only imagine how chaotic your life and work must have been back then. I don’t resent you.”

Jinyoung looked up at you in disbelief. “How can you not?”

“I just… don’t. It’s fine.”

“Do you really mean that? Do you really mean that?” he demanded.

“I do,” you insisted firmly. You glanced at your watch and sighed. “Wow, it’s getting late. We have a PTA fundraiser at school tonight so I need to start setting up. Oh! Did you bring my bicycle by any chance?” you asked him hopefully.

Jinyoung shook his head. “Uh, no. The reporters were in front of my house so I slipped out through the back…”

“Can you drop it by the school later? I’m going to staying back pretty late because I have to wrap up after the event is over. It might even take till midnight and the buses stop running at 9 so I need a way to get home. It’s not too much trouble, is it?”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll drop it off here later.”

You gave him a small smile as you turned to go back indoors. “Bye, Jinyoung.”

“Bye.”

---------------------------

The PTA fundraiser left you drained of energy.

You would much rather have dealt with a hundred kids at once than with a handful of parents. At least kids could be made to see reason, they could be convinced with a little bit of logic (however flawed). Adults, on the other hand, believed that they knew best and that things had to be done exactly the way they wanted. Adults were unreasonable. Adults liked to throw around their authority.

You had never wanted to get into bed so badly.

You stayed back late to clean up after the fundraiser was over. It wasn’t required of you, but it was something that you somehow ended up volunteering to do. All the other teachers had families to go home to and kids to take care of. You only had an empty apartment.

Asking them to stay back instead of you felt selfish.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged out into the parking lot to see that the bicycle racks were empty. Shit. Had Jinyoung forgotten to leave the bicycle behind for you? Where was he?

You pulled out your cell phone and then sighed. Damn Park Jinyoung. He didn’t even have a stupid phone. It was far past the time that Mr. and Mrs. Park would have gone to bed and you didn't want to wake them by calling them. But your apartment was too far to walk and you would have to pass by the pub; you had no interest in meeting the town’s drunkards alone in those narrow alleys at midnight.

You sighed and dialled another number.

“Jackson, hey. I’m so sorry, I know you just left a little while ago, but…”

-------------------

It was 1am when you heard a loud banging on your front door.

You had just finished taking a shower and were getting ready to slip into bed when the noise began. Your heartbeat racing, you grabbed hold of a kitchen knife quickly and then slowly approached your door.

“Who’s there?” you yelled out, voice shaking.

The voice that replied was muffled. “Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung? At this time of night?

You opened the door carefully. The first thing that hit you was the awful smell; Jinyoung stank of sweat and cheap beer. His eyes were red and his face flushed as he looked at you almost wildly.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, grabbing your shoulders to look at you properly. His hands were trembling and he seemed unaware of how loud his voice was. “Are you all right? I was looking for you everywhere!”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Wow, you’re drunk.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry- I’m so, so, sorry-”

“How about you come inside before you bring my neighbours running over with all of your noise?” you snapped. You had little patience for drunks, and knowing that Jinyoung had been out getting drunk instead of returning your bicycle did not please you. “Where have you been?”

Jinyoung stared at you helplessly, his arms waving around as he spoke. “I-I was just going to get one drink, I swear. But it led to another and I totally forgot about your bike and I was so scared that you might have walked home because I know that path passes by the pub and it’s not safe-”

“Relax,” you told Jinyoung as you guided him gently towards your couch. “I didn't walk. I called Jackson, he drove me home.”

“Jackson? Wang? Why? Are you guys close?” he asked, plopping down heavily on the couch.

You shrugged. “He’s a good friend.”

Jinyoung paused for a moment and then hung his head quietly.

“We used to be good friends.”

You looked down at Jinyoung properly. He was a wreck. His dark hair was a tangled mess and the light blue dress shirt he was wearing was wrinkled with a beer stain on it. There were even large sweat stains under his arms; he’d probably cycled all the way here in a panic.

And he’s one of the Most Eligible Bachelors under 40. If only the magazine had seen him like this.

“We’re still friends,” you told him lightly. “Although it wouldn’t do any harm to return my bicycle when I ask for it. Do you want a glass of water?”

Jinyoung blinked at you dazedly. “Do you have beer?”

“Absolutely not. Haven’t you had enough?”

His lower lip pouted slightly as he stared down at the floor. “I’ve been drinking all evening but I haven’t reached the point where I feel good or forget about my problems yet. In fact, I keep thinking about them even more. How about a cigarette?”

“You will not smoke in my house,” you told him with a firm glare.

To your surprise, Jinyoung suddenly smiled. It was only a gentle curve of his lips but you spotted it and frowned at him with your arms folded across your chest. “Are you feeling proud of yourself right now? Do you think your behaviour is something to laugh about?” you demanded.

Jinyoung looked up at you softly. “No.”

“Then why are you-”

“Because this is the first time you’ve given me that look since I came back,” Jinyoung admitted quietly. His voice trembled. “This is the first time you got angry at me. You don’t seem to get angry at me anymore.”

You didn’t understand. “Why would you want me to be angry at you-”

“Because you have to be angry with someone before you can forgive them. You have to first admit that they hurt you or that they did something wrong, and only then can you begin to repair your relationship,” Jinyoung whispered. He looked up at you and you could see the tears brimming in his eyes. “So tell me honestly. Have you forgiven me already?”

You swallowed. “I was never mad at you to begin with-”

“You’re lying.”

You clenched your fists as your heartbeat thudded. “I’m not lying. You’re drunk. You should drink some water and you can sleep on the couch-”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot yet surprisingly clear. “You are lying. Either you’re lying or you’re not the same girl I remember.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because the girl I knew wouldn’t have pretended to forgive a friend to spare his feelings. She would have grabbed me by the shirt, looked me in the eye, and said Park Jinyoung, you’re an absolute bastard for leaving me here when I was having a hard time. She wouldn’t have spared my feelings. She would have expected me to be there for her because that’s what friends do. They count on each other.”

You closed your eyes. How had Jinyoung seen right through you? Even after 10 years, how could he see through you like you were made of glass?

“I’m not angry,” you tried to tell him slowly, even though you weren’t sure who you were convincing anymore. “Because I never expected you to be there. You were busy and I had no expectations-”

Jinyoung scoffed. “You’re lying again.”

“I’m not-”

“You are. Friendship is when you help someone, because you trust that they would do the same for you. What you’re doing for me isn’t friendship. You don’t trust me anymore. If you have no expectations from me, then that’s charity!” Jinyoung spat out. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his voice was choked. “Is that what I am to you? Charity?”

You clenched your fists and let out a small, humourless laugh. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“What?”

“Where the fuck do you get off accusing me of treating you like charity? After what you did?” you snapped.

Jinyoung stared at you blankly. “Tell me.”

Your throat closed up. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to drag yourself back to what had been the lowest point of your life, especially not in front of Jinyoung. You didn’t know who he was to you anymore. How could you open up to him?

“I can’t,” you muttered. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jinyoung.”

“Please,” Jinyoung whispered. “Please. At least tell me I was a terrible friend for not being there. Tell me I was a terrible friend for not even knowing about your mother.”

You took a deep breath and sat down, your knees feeling weak. You had never imagined that you would have to sit next to Jinyoung and say these words to him while he was drunk. Yet, as his dark eyes pierced into yours, he looked more sober than ever.

“It was my fault she died,” you whispered, shakily. “I know how hard my Mom worked to raise me. I know how much she struggled after my Dad passed away. The doctor told me her heart attack was probably caused by stress- years of it. She was growing old but she’d never even gone for a health check-up because we couldn’t afford it.”

Jinyoung stared at you silently.

“I needed someone to say this to back then,” you admitted quietly. “I needed someone who would listen to me and who wouldn’t try to convince me that it wasn’t my fault or that I didn't do anything wrong. That’s what everyone kept doing. They kept trying to comfort me but I just wanted someone who would listen. I wanted you,” you mumbled.

Jinyoung only nodded. His hands reached out to take both of yours. He grasped them tightly.

“I knew you were busy, but I always had this hope that maybe you would come to the funeral,” you whispered. “I thought… surely, whatever I did to make you cut me off, it wasn’t so bad that you wouldn't even turn up to my mother’s funeral. But the truth was that I couldn’t grieve properly because the hospital was hounding me about the bills, I…”

You took a deep breath. You hated thinking about those moments. You had felt so helpless and alone, backed into a corner. “I don’t think it even sank in that my mother was dead until a few days later,” you mumbled. “ I spent the first day wondering how the hell I was going to pay the hospital bills instead of thinking about her. Your mother tried comforting me, she told me it would all be fine and that she would call you for help.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes; tears were clinging to his eyelashes.

“She did,” he mumbled.

You felt the walls around you come crashing down as you looked at the broken man in front of you. You remembered how badly you’d wanted to see him then, how much you’d craved his comfort. You remembered how furious you had been when you realized that Jinyoung had abandoned you.

“I thought you would call,” you mumbled. “I didn’t want to disturb you but at the same time I trusted that you wouldn’t leave me alone at a time like that.”

Jinyoung’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

“It would have been better if you hadn't done anything at all,” you mumbled. “Maybe then I could have forgotten about it in the mess that I was going through. But you didn’t. I got a call from your secretary the night before the funeral.”

Jinyoung lowered his head. His hands were trembling even as they held yours and you could hear his soft sniffle. “Shit,” he muttered, his voice thick with tears. “Shit, I can’t believe-”

“I thought you’d finally called. But it wasn’t you. I had to hear some strange woman tell me over the phone that Park Jinyoung is sorry he can’t make it to the funeral but he sends his condolences,” you choked out. You smiled humorlessly. “As if I was some distance acquaintance you barely knew. You sent me your condolences through your secretary.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t know it was you…”

“And then she told me that if I would just email her a copy of the hospital and funeral bills then all the expenses would be taken care of,” you mumbled. “She said that she could send me as much as I needed, no limit. I was so embarrassed. I wanted-I wanted to tell her that you could go fuck yourself and that I didn’t want your condolences and your money. I wanted to refuse so badly, but…”

You hung your head in shame. “But I couldn’t,” you whispered. “I couldn’t say that to her because it was true. I had no other way of paying those bills. So I sent her the details and I let you pay for them. Whether you know it or not, you paid for all my mother’s hospital bills and funeral while I sat here and wondered how I had become such a worthless daughter.”

Jinyoung’s hands clasped yours so tightly that it hurt. His shoulders were shaking and you could see the sobs racking his chest. “I didn’t mean to-” he sobbed. Jinyoung’s tears landed on your clasped hands. “I didn’t mean to, I swear…”

You slowly removed your hands from his. “I have the accounts,” you muttered. “I’ve been saving up to pay you back. It might take me a few more years but-”

Jinyoung flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s not open to discussion, Jinyoung.”

“Don’t say you’ll pay me back, please-”

“I will pay you back,” you said firmly. You took a deep breath. “You know why? Because I might be able to forgive you for not being there when I needed you. But I will never, never forget how cheap I felt the moment I ended that phone call. So don’t talk to me about charity; I know how it feels to be on the other end of it.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. He felt light-headed and blank as he thought about everything you’d said. No wonder you didn’t consider him a friend. No wonder you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with him. No wonder there was something fake and forced about your every smile.

Jinyoung hadn’t just messed up.

He had destroyed something precious to him without even realizing it.

“It’s late,” you mumbled after a brief silence. “You should go to sleep. Here, just; make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I-I can’t…”

“You’re not going anywhere at this time of night while you’re drunk,” you told him. You pushed him lightly so that he leaned back against the sofa. “Stay put. I’ll be back. I think we’ve talked enough for tonight.”

“Can you just promise me one thing?” Jinyoung asked quietly.

“What’s that?”

“Even if you don’t consider me your friend anymore, even if you’re just being nice to me because you’re that kind of a caring person… don’t give up on me completely.” Jinyoung looked up at you desperately. “Please. Tell me that I can fix things. Tell me I haven’t broken our friendship and my life beyond repair.”

You looked down at him. Lying on your couch in his crumpled dress shirt and the beer stains, Jinyoung looked pathetic. Perhaps it was because you’d finally let out all the resentment you’d been bottling up for so long. Perhaps it was because, looking into Jinyoung’s eyes now, you could see that he did care. But you suddenly didn’t feel so hollow anymore.

You didn’t feel so lonely in your pain.

“Everything can be fixed, Jinyoung,” you told him softly.

“Even us?” he mumbled.

You nodded. “Even us.”

“Even me?”

“Especially you.”

Jinyoung slowly closed his eyes and you went into the other room to get him a spare pillow and a blanket. He let you place the pillow under his head and snuggled into the soft blanket. You turned to switch off the light when you heard him mumble.

“You know something?”

“What, Jinyoung?”

“I thought that the most unbearable thing about being fired from the company was all the effort I’d put into it. I thought I couldn’t bear it because I’d done so much for it for the years,” he said slowly.

You blinked at his curled up figure under the blanket.

“But it’s not?” you asked.

Jinyoung shook his head. “It’s not how much I’ve done for the company that I can’t bear. It’s how much I sacrificed for it.”

-------------------

#got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 scenario #got7 angst #park jinyoung #got7 jinyoung #jinyoung angst #jinyoung scenario #got7 imagines #got7 drabbles #got7 series #got7 fanfiction #jinyoung fanfic #jinyoung my youth

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blueplanettrash · 6 years

Note

Part 2 idea for Keith using Lance to make Shiro jealous: Shiro comforts Lance, they y’all and Shiro becomes super overprotective. They don’t like each other but are touchy and always make sure that they are ok. Keith gets jealous, but now over Lance! He breaks down and Lance finds him. (P.S: I love your writing sm! I’m a writer too so it really inspires me)

I’ve gotten so many requests for a second part to this so I decided that now was the time! Sorry for my little absence, I had a boatload of final assignments to do and then Easter weekend.

Note: Shiro and Lance in this are platonic.

It wasn’t a surprise that Lance didn’t go to dinner that night, however, neither did Keith or Shiro. Lance stayed face down on his bed, tears silently soaking into his pillow. He only looked over when he heard a knock on his door. He knew it wasn’t Keith but he didn’t know who else would be there. Keith was obviously out, he wouldn’t crawl back so quickly without sulking for a little bit, Pidge, Hunk, Allura, and Coran knew nothing about the whole thing. Which only left one person.

“Lance?”

Shiro.

The call was muffled by the door but he could clearly hear the hesitance in his voice. As much as he wanted to ignore it, he really didn’t want to be alone at the moment, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. With a shuddering breath, he got up and opened the door for him. He didn’t let him get a word in before he turned and fell on the bed again. When he peeked out again, he saw Shiro awkwardly standing in front of the bed looking unsure of himself and fiddling with his Galra hand.

“Sit Shiro,” he said, scooting over to make room beside him. With a bit of hesitation, he did so. He waited patiently for Shiro to work out what he wanted to say and finally, he turned to him.

“I just want you to know that I had nothing to do with what Keith did,” he said quickly, a look of sympathy on his face. To Shiro’s surprise, Lance let out a sigh of relief and his shoulder slumped slightly.

“Lance?” He asked with concern, hand landing on his shoulder.

“Sorry, I just, I thought you might come in here and ask me to forgive him or something,” he admitted with a weak smile. Shiro blinked and frantically shook his head at the idea.

“What? No! No, I wouldn’t do that. What Keith did was completely wrong and I can’t believe that he did it in the first place,” he responded disappointed. Lance let out a weak laugh, slumping forward to bump his head against Shiro’s chest.

“Yeah, well, I guess it was too good to be true,” he sniffled slightly as tears came unbidden to his eyes. Shiro gasped and quickly wrapped his arms around Lance as he started sobbing.

“No, Lance no,” he pleaded. “Don’t think like that,” he gently rocked Lance in his arms, letting the teen calm himself. As soon as he was able to dry his tears without feeling too horrible, he leaned back and gave the leader a grateful smile.

“Thanks, Shiro,” he said honestly with a small smile. He got up and headed towards the door, feeling lighter than he had in the last few months. Before he left he turned to Lance a look of apprehension on his face.

“Promise me that you won’t go back to him?” He asked quietly.

“You don’t have to worry about that Shiro, I may not have the highest self-esteem in the world but I do know when I’m too good for someone,” he stated confidently. A laugh burst out of Shiro and he smiled at him fondly.

“Can you do me a favour, Shiro?” Lance asked hesitantly looking down at his mattress. He cocked his head in confusion but agreed none the less.

“Don’t tell anybody else, I don’t want this affecting Voltron,” he requested quietly. Shiro sucked in a short breath.

“Of course Lance, it’s not my decision to make anyway, you’ll tell them when you’re ready,” he agreed, he turned, opening the door before looking back at the teen. “I’ll see you in the morning,”

After that night, it was like the two of them had some sort of understanding with each other. Since he had yet to tell anybody else about what had happened, he started going to Shiro when he started feeling down about the whole thing. At first, he was hesitant to go to him, thinking that he had to be much too busy to deal with his love life but quickly realized that Shiro was still feeling guilty about the whole thing and felt it was his responsibility that Lance felt comfortable talking to him about it.

Of course, that didn’t go over too well with Lance and later that night they talked about Shiro insecurities about love instead.

“What the Galra did, doesn’t make you unworthy of love Shiro, if anything you deserve it more than anyone,” he tried to reason with him. He cuddled up to Shiro’s side, dutifully listening to his stories about being held by the Galra, how he thought about his family and about Keith and how he just missed them so badly. It was hard of course and he’d readily admit that they held each other while they cried multiple times over the course of a few late night chats but they came out much stronger than before.

It was when Shiro admitted that he felt like he was supposed to be showing more affection to the team and the individual members that Lance put his foot down.

“Don’t force yourself to love, take your time to understand your feelings, no one is forcing you into this Shiro,” he argued. He grabbed Shiro’s face in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “When you’re ready, we’ll still be here with open arms, you don’t have to anything for us,”

He sniffed, his chin trembling before breaking into grateful sobs and holding Lance tightly to his chest.

After that night, Shiro spent a lot of his time with Lance and vice versa. Whenever they would hang out with the rest of the team, they would sit beside each other, seek each other out, etc. They became almost as close as Hunk was to Lance. To the average person, it raised a few red flags, considering that they also thought that Keith and Lance were still dating.

“Lance, what are you doing with Shiro, man?” Hunk asked one day after dinner, pulling him into the kitchen. Lance cocked an eyebrow, dumping the dirty dishes into the sink.

“What do you mean?” He asked, starting up the water. Hunk gaped, hands flying wildly around his head.

“What!? I mean that you’ve been super cuddly with Shiro but you and Keith are dating!” He whisper yelled, hoping not to alert the rest of the team in the dining room where they were still talking amongst themselves. To his surprise, he didn’t try to defend himself or anything, only started scrubbing the dishes.

“Me and Keith aren’t dating anymore, we broke up a few weeks ago,” he admitted with a short sigh. Hunk in blinked in shock trying to process the new information.

“Wait, what!? And you didn’t tell me?” He asked in hurt confusion. Lance turned to look at him at the tone and quickly dried his hands off. He hugged him around the middle barely suppressing a sigh of relief when he wrapped his own arms around Lance’s back.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to keep it on the down low you know? I didn’t want it to affect the team,” he said, voice muffled by Hunk’s chest. Hunk wilted slightly at the admission, he really thought that the two of them made a great couple, considering that Keith just made Lance so happy. It had been a long while since he had been smiling every day like that and it just made him so relieved to see. Being away from Earth really took its toll on everyone but especially Lance when he had so much to lose on Earth. It really was surprised that he wasn’t as sad as he thought he would be, but it seemed like he was just as happy as he was with Keith during the last few weeks.

“So how does Shiro fit in this? He’s not some sort of rebound is he?” Hunk asked with concern. A bark of laughter escaped Lance and he pushed away from Hunk to continue the dishes.

“No no no, not Shiro, he’s like my big brother,” he said with a wide smile. Hunk nodded but once again walked forward, twiddling his thumbs.

“But does Shiro know that?” He asked hesitantly.

“Trust me, Shiro knows,” he insisted. Hunk sighed but accepted the answer, turning around the start cleaning up the rest of the kitchen.

“Hey guys, anything I can do to help?” Shiro asked walking into the kitchen with a smile. Lance waved him over with a smile and handed him a dishcloth to start drying while Hunk watched them carefully from the other side of the counter.

He didn’t know what had happened between Keith and Lance but he trusted Shiro to take care of him.

They had gotten used to seeing Shiro and Lance practically attached to the hip around the Castle. They had also gotten used to not seeing Keith anywhere around the Castle. Whenever they were in the same room altogether, he would take one look at the two of them and quietly sneak out while nobody was looking. Whenever anybody tried to talk to him about it, he would make an excuse or tell them that it was none of their business and they would back off.

It was during a party hosted by one of the planets they saved that he really reached his breaking point though. Seeing Lance rush around the civilians, talking to them about God knows what, shaking hands and talking reassuringly to everyone had him thinking about what they’d had. As the night wore on, people became more relaxed and ready for a good time. They ended up clearing the centre of the floor for people to dance.

Lance had danced with everyone but him.

It wasn’t completely unexpected but it had cut him quite a bit deeper than he thought it would. For those last few weeks, he begged in his mind for Lance to send him a single look but he never turned his way. He went looking for him multiple times to try and explain and try and get him back but no matter what he did or where he went, Shiro was always there, standing beside him like a guardian angel.

Seeing him dance across the floor sparked something inside of him, longing and desperation. He wanted so badly to march across the room and take Lance’s hand. To lead him in their own dance, but like always Shiro was there. They danced like no one else mattered, hands grasping each other’s, clumsy uncoordinated steps breaking the rhythm and hip bumping each other occasionally to mess the other one up. It was like watching siblings break into spontaneous dance in the middle of their living room. Lance laughed like a maniac when Shiro suddenly hip checked him and he was flung to the floor in a heap.

It was everything that Keith wanted and everything that he knew he didn’t deserve. He harshly bit his lip as tears sprung to his eyes, he clenched his fists and spun around heading towards the training deck.

He couldn’t be here anymore.

“Lance,” Shiro stopped dancing, looking up at the balcony and stairs, Lance followed his gaze and saw Keith marching back into the Castle.

“Think it’s time that I finally talked to him?” He asked. Shiro looked troubled down at the floor.

“I’m not going to tell you when the right time is, that’s up to you,” he finally decided. Lance let out a huff of a laugh but started towards the stairs before looking back at Shiro.

“I might need someone to talk to tonight,”

“I’ll always be here,”

It wasn’t surprising to find Keith in the training deck, it was where he usually was after all. It was surprising to find him collapsed in the middle sobbing his eyes out.

“Keith?” He called out hesitantly, walking slowly towards him. He let out a startled gasp, head whipping around to look at him, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Lance,” he breathed out, stumbling to his feet. He stumbled over to him, arms outstretched but he quickly withdrew him at the look on Lance’s face.

“Lance, please take me back,” he begged. Lance blinked in shock, looking completely taken aback at Keith’s plea.

“Keith, that’s not happening,” he said simply, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Keith sucked in a short breath at the words, looking down at the ground between them. He clenched his jaw and looked up to stare Lance in the eyes.

“Please Lance, I will do anything,” he said quietly, tears streaming down his cheeks. Lance closed his eyes, nodding absentmindedly at the words.

“It’s not that simple Keith,”

“Why? Why isn’t it that simple?”

Lance swallowed, looking away from him for a second before taking a deep breath and turning his full attention to Keith with.

“As much as I hate to admit it, I still love you, Keith,”

“Well then, what’s the problem?” He pleaded

“The problem. Keith. Is that you didn’t love me when we were dating, you only realized you loved me after you used me,” he burst out, poking Keith harshly in the chest.

“That’s not true, I did love you, Lance, I do love you!” He insisted, looking imploringly at the blue paladin. Lance let out a sharp laugh, eyes narrowing at Keith.

“You must really think that I’m an idiot Keith. That I’m a blind, naive, idiot.” He hissed, turning to pace in front of Keith. “I saw you sending Shiro those looks but I thought you were just testing if I trust you or something, I mean I guess I’m an idiot in that sense but I didn’t think that you’d be cruel enough to do something like this to me,”

“Lance I-” he tried to cut in but Lance wasn’t having any of it.

“The worst part is that you haven’t even told me that you’re sorry!” He finally yelled, hands reaching up to irritably tug at his hair. Keith’s eyes widened in shock.

No. He had apologized. Hadn’t he?

“Lance-” he tried again but he turned to him a venous glare on his face.

“Don’t. It doesn’t mean anything to me right now because you’re only thinking of what you’re feeling right now. You haven’t even begun to imagine what I’m feeling,”

As he put his fingers up to the bridge of his nose, his whole body seemed to deflate. The eyes that turned to Keith were full of sorrow.

“It’s going to take a long, long time for me to forgive you and I hope you understand that,” Keith hesitantly nodded, looking down at the ground. “Don’t forget about Shiro either, he’s just as hurt as I am,”

Keith let out a shuddering breath. He hadn’t been thinking about their feelings, just like Lance said.

“I want to forgive you, I really do… but I can’t do that right now,” Lance said softly. Without looking up, Keith nodded, squeezing his eyes closed tightly.

“I’ll see you at training,”

Seeing Lance walk out of the training room without looking back was like watching him leave his life forever. He had no idea what the future was going to bring them. Frankly, at that point, he didn’t deserve to know either. He was just going to go where the road took him and try to mend what he had broken.

Part 1/2

Stories Masterlist

#langst #lance #voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #lance mcclain #takashi shirogane #shiro #keith #keith kogane #previous klance #klance #bonding #shiro lance bonding #protective shiro #fanfic

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