#it can be a separate discussion and should be talked about rlly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

multiplicity-positivity · 9 months

Note

This might be kind of out of your wheelhouse, but I am really struggling w conveying something to my therapist and was wondering if u might have any resources that could help. My therapist continues to use parts language and views the others in my system as just "parts" when I've repeatedly expressed that that language does not encompass our experience. It's making it really hard to talk to her about anything system related. I am her first client w DID so I know she is still learning and I think most "surface literature" insists that system members are just parts and should not be validated as anything else. But my therapist has been really receptive and understanding to disagreements I have w medical literature in the past, so I do think I can talk to her about this and get her to change at least in the context of our sessions together. My problem is, and what I need help with, I'm autistic and really struggle with finding the right words to convey what I'm trying to say. Having resources and other things to support my discussions has always been really helpful. So I was wondering, do you know of any resources I could share with my therapist that might help me explain why I see and want her ro treat our system members as individual people w their own parts and complexity, not just parts of one person? I am also looking for any resources that talk about multiplicity beyond just DID/OSDD but thats not rlly my main concern rn. Rn I just really am struggling to find resources for DID that talk about alters as more than just parts of one, and I would really appreciate if u shared anything u know or have that combats that rhetoric. Thank you ! And if this isnt something u have any info for pls feel free to disregard this :))

Hi! We’re sorry to hear you’re going through something like this with your therapist. We actually went through something similar with our own therapist when we first started discussing our system in therapy! Our therapist would call us “parts of you” (you being the host of our system) when we did not view our system that way at all.

At the time, we did not want to be called parts. We each felt like separate people and wanted to be addressed as such. For us, it just took explaining this to our therapist to get him to start referring to us as individuals. We’ve since come back around, though, and actually prefer to be called parts or alters rather than separate people!

We think it’s most common in DID resources and literature for alters to be referred to as parts! Whether parts of a whole or parts of a team, most professionals who work with DID patients likely use parts language to treat them. We don’t actually have any resources on hand that express parts language as hurtful or damaging to those with DID (likely because that’s something that happens on a case by case basis, and usually earlier on in recovery).

But here is the NAMI Michigan DID fact sheet, which demonstrates how different alters may often act, feel, and believe they are different people.

And here’s an article on common misconceptions about DID from Beauty after Bruises. The author does use parts language, but they demonstrate that alters have depth, with varied tastes, interests, orientations, emotional responses, and other things that differentiate us as people.

Perhaps you could write a note before therapy which you could then give to your therapist explaining how each member of your system views personhood, and why you feel parts language is not beneficial for you. This way, you won’t be scrambling to find the words in your actual session, and can just pass the message along and try to answer questions afterwards. We often have to write things down before therapy so we don’t get flustered or confused or forget to bring them to our therapist’s attention!

Finally, as a system who does use parts language, we’d like to say that calling alters parts doesn’t mean denying their complexity, their individuality, or necessarily their personhood. We use parts language, but we and our therapist fully understand that each alter in our system is unique, with different wants, needs, emotional responses, and ideas about the world. Our alters are still treated as individuals, at this stage in our treatment, even though we do use parts language. We’re not saying this to convince you to be accepting of parts language - rather, we’re contradicting the assumption that parts language always means treating alters as flat, one-sided pieces of a human being. Our therapist doesn’t use parts language in this way!

It’s important in therapy for a therapist to use language that helps their patients feel comfortable, safe, and heard in their struggles and experiences. We hope that you’ll be able to effectively convey to your therapist how parts language is affecting your system! I’m sorry we didn’t have any better advice or resources for you… but we wish you the very best of luck with this!

🌸 Margo and 💫 Parker

#parts language #therapy #long post

9 notes · View notes

joculatrixster · 3 years

Note

“aloe isn’t masculine” yeah tell that to the ppl who threw a pissy fit over her pronouns when they were first reveal. if you’re not tma then you need to stay in your lane about this and listen to trans women on what is and isnt trans-misogyny

i should rlly make a tldr because i talk way too much and this is too long tldr:

sorry if i was dissmive i was talking about anoher post so didnt want to delve into anons point because it was in relation to a post that litteraly said aloe shouldn't be drawn fem so i was more arguing against the idea aloe shouldn't be a women, ppl who use hcs to "soften the blow" r the ppl im against so i saw it more as the ppl who dont like fem aloe in general not likeing trans aloe because it makes aloe a girl and i didnt consider previously ppl would use THAT as a soften blow too thats gross if its why ppl did that, im gonna assume u skimmed my psot because u seemed to miss when i both argued aloe beign masculine doesnt mean she couldnt be a women as in i acknowledged her masculine traits and the multiple times i told the anon that i agree with their point and i thanked them for bringing it to my attention, my issue is litteraly with the ppl who use hcs or ignore canon that aloe uses she/her as the op with their tag saying aloe should not be drawn feminine aligned so i was talking more about that, anon had a point and i agreeed with that point, my point is im tierd of the ppl that assumed aloe was a man/masc nb when yes anon she wasnt gendered that was fanon not canon and ppl assumed things then got upset their assumptions werent right wich was fucked of them and i think its dumb ppl cant jsut accept aloe is a girl or at least uses she/her, if u dont like the hc for the reason that ur reading it with the undertones the anon pointed out thats fair! ur allowed to feel that way and if thats a reason most ppl have the hc thats indeed weird as fuck, i talked about mainly how i veiwed it and im not the person who can speak for everyone so yeah like i said in my original post take my opinion with a grain of salt since for all i know most ppl r being gross about it like the ppl who threw the fit in the first place

so yeah fair point, i think the fact ppl mainly assumed aloe was a male/madc algned was an issue in the first place and the fact ppl r all trying to scramble to hold onto that wrong assumption is fucked and ppl should acknowledge seeing aloe and by extension alot of nb characters as masc aligned or strictly androg is wack and the fact ppl with the trans hc may not acknowledge the fact aloe was seen as a guy and ask the "why" for that mass assumption instead jsut making hcs to cope or whatever is an issue and one i do understand ur point on, i agree with u anon and i agreed with the other anon if that got lost in the sauce then i get that since my other psot wasnt about the anons point but dont get me wrong ppl who use hcs to hide away from canon with aloe r wack and we as a fandom should think about WHY aloe was seen as a guy because she wasn't ment to be and never was canonly aligned with guys wich is what i ment when saying aloe wasnt masc in canon i was specifically calling out the fanon concepts with that

i hope this is more clear since im less tired and tried to summarize my points better, if i came off as not listening to u then fair ig but i was and i did agree with the anon so yeah if u wanna talk more about it we can im down for hearing more about the issue

(((also about the ene masse thing i cant rlly talk about that because hcs do spread fast with new cookies that ppl looked forward too plus aloes costume had demigirl and bigender flag colors im pretty sure but also i cant assume the motives of everyone and the aloe is a lesbain hc is something ive seen more i didnt know how wide spread trans aloe was so yeah idk how to address that one point someoen brought up in replies since i can see the point but also its hard to tell for me cause i havent seen specifically trans binary aloe alot jsut fem nb aloe so im not gonna rlly touch it im just gonna agree it can be read that way and its a topic that should be discussed in a better post thx i jsut dont wanna reply to that person since its on the ops post i think and i dont want to be in a reply chain there since i made my point and id rather talk on my own pist tuen blow up ops inbox if an argument happens idk)))

this is gonna end up being repetitive again isnt it? f word, hope my point wasnt lost i jsut suck at articulating what i ment so if im coming off as dissmive again im trying not to be litteraly what im saying is my post was in relation to another post and that made the reply seem like i was arguing against anon when i was rlly saying anons point was good i jsut didnt think the op had the same veiws an if they did they didnt articulate it well, the anon ill admit is the forst time ive seen someoen bring that issue up mabey i missed it since other posts might not have explained it like anon did so i didn't pick up on it but yeah anon was right in sayign that if that was the case for most thats fucked, the only reason i made the psot was like i said my trans friend dmed me about it so i tried to point out to op how their post might be read i didnt jsut decide to reply to the post to talk over transwomen i replied because a trans woemn friend of mine saw the post and thought op was saying aloe should be a guy and shouldn't be portrayedas trans and fem, i said trans women can agree with the post thats fine and it is fine if trans women dont like trans aloe for the reasons anon stated if it reads that way to most trans ppl then thats fucked up and im sorry the fandom is being weird about aloe

#mod trix #anon #cookie run discourse #i rlly need to stop checking tumblr before i go to sleep and ince i wake up #hope this one isnt as repetitive or something #i am genuinely sorry for being dismissive i jsut wasnt gonna talk about the point in relation to the post op made #it can be a separate discussion and should be talked about rlly #anywayyy yeah as i was saying in my first psot thats a fair point and if thats whats going on its shitty #ppl can not like the hc for that reason its a fair one #im assuming u read my whole psot anon and the tags but if u didn't thats fine but i litteraly was agreeing with the anon jsut #didnt think op ment that #thoooo the op coulda i isut thought they came off saying something different abd the post wasnt well worded #if ppl r ginna talk about trans aloe in relation to this issue then yeah thats fair #the ops tag flagged me as their one of the ppl who dont like fem aloe not rlly trans aloe so thats different

2 notes · View notes

inosukeslefttoe · 3 years

Photo

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro.

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry.

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either.

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

#wonder egg priority #wonder egg spoilers #ai ohto #rika kawai #momoe sawaki #wonder egg priority neiru #i forgot neirus name #anime review #wonder egg ai #lgbtq anime

56 notes · View notes

voidcat · 3 years

Text

– “Friend” is a four letter word

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou / gn! reader

requested by anon, prompt 1

wc & genre: 2k - mostly fluff, a bit angst by the end

a/n: the title is literally a 1 trait danger song title, pls dont come @ me, i just thought it was nice to use bc “love” is a four letter word so yea,, also pls dont ship ppl irl or ask them too many Qs abt their relationshio even if they look so good together n should date bc it is rlly rlly annoying (speaking from experience)

The first you meet Kuroo Tetsurou, you don’t even notice.

It’s not surprising, he’s quiet and doesn’t gather attention. You don’t go looking around and keeping an eye on everyone either. The most is you’re just two fish in the vast sea, unaware of one another, too tangled with your own lives.

Then comes a moment, nothing special, almost out-of-a-movie type. It begins with a joke, if it can be considered that. It’s bad, awfully bad, a horrible pun in the middle of chemistry and from the volume of the voice you can tell they hoped no one would hear. But you do, so does few who sit next to him and your giggles dance around in the air. You don’t notice it’s him at that time but you grow to recognize his jokes in the following time.

Kuroo Tetsurou feels like a mystery when your eyes lie on him one afternoon. He’s not bad looking, a part of a sports team, a key member even. And yet compared to all the other jocks he doesn’t bask in the attention, in fact, he doesn’t receive any. Others like to brag and talk smug, as if they’ve discovered life in an inhabitable area and then there’s him. You can’t even tell he plays in the team if it’s not for the uniform and tracksuit he’s in after classes.

You think to yourself, if only jocks were like him. Still, you take no step and neither does he.

Maybe neither of you need to because the universe is more than happy to provide the nudge you both seem to need.

Funny enough it’s a science project that starts it.

He’s too quiet to your liking, speaking only when absolutely necessary. As you desperately try to kill the silence that hangs in the air, he avoids it as hard, making so little sound.

An idea comes as fast the lights are on and you speak before you even get to think ‘what’s there to lose?’

“No science puns for me? What happened, cat got your tongue?”

To say he is baffled, is the understatement of the year. You’re not sure if he’s surprised you’ve heard him joke or want to hear more of them; but either way, he looks cute, with his guard down, at a loss of reaction, mouth slightly open and – is that a hint of blush on his cheeks?

It only goes upwards from then on.

Awkward conversations is how it begins, seeking each other out in close environments is where you’re leaded.

You find yourself enjoying the way he talks, listening to what he has to say, the way his face brightens up when he starts talking out of pure interest. You only hope he feels the same way about you, and from the way he often discreetly directs you to take the lead and pick the topic, he does.

In a short span of time, you two are attached from the hip. Inseparable, always doing something, going somewhere, discussing a thing or just laughing. Shy smiles replaced with a Cheshire-like grin, almost ironic considering your school’s name, that’s only a new expression on him that you like to see.

It feels freeing, natural; as the sea sighs, the rain drops hit the surface and the sun shines. Two peas in a pod, thick as thieves, inseparable…

This goes beyond high school and throughout university too, which you’re grateful for. Because times come when you wonder where would you be without him, what would you do without his support; so you thank the stars once again, for having him in your life even today.

Then comes the times you wish you didn’t spend as much time together because the people around are being insufferable. All you want is to hang out with your best friend but half that time is stolen away by the never changing questions. Those who keep asking if you’re together, as an item. As if it doesn’t rub the salt in the already existing wound, it sure makes things unbearable. Getting approached by people you never saw before is no fun, neither is dealing with those who have the audacity to think you owe an explanation about your love life.

“But why? The two of you spend all the time together! Sure you must be in love!”

As if platonic relationships do not exist, surely do you have to love someone in that way to care for them? Loving Tetsu is a case that matters to only you, you’re happy knowing he cares for you, maybe not in the way as you but at the end of the day, the bond is there in plain sight, on your sleeve.

“But you guys would look so good together! Have you given dating a try? I’m sure it’d work out! I understand if you want to keep things a secret but come on, you must have had something going on-“

Stop, stop, stop…

It gets exhausting after a while, showing its signs on you, the irritation high and your nerves are at the edge, he notices it not long after.

After a little persuasion, you spill it all out, ranting about the pent up anger you had bottled all week –month maybe. You don’t notice the way his shoulders slump as you talk and go on about the stupidity of the people. It misses your attention how he talks less than usual that day, even after the mini ranting session. You do, however, notice how he starts to act strange around you. More preserved, and not as chatty as much. Holding his touch and avoiding contact, not going out of his way to approach you any longer. This drives you crazy, hurts a part of you and you worry –what if he has grown bored of me? Did I do something to hurt his feelings? Does he like someone and avoids me to get in their eye? What has happened, what did I do wrong? And goes and goes and goes the worries and the dynamics shift in your friendship.

So with the change of dynamics, you try desperately to hold onto what you once shared. Soon enough it’s you who invites the other to outings.

When your coffee offers are denied, you bring up walks, after that study dates, as he tries to ignore one attempt of alone time, you come up with another and one evening you find yourself asking to go to a party.

Campus parties with him, are interesting, to say the least. It stings when you’re separated, a punch to the stomach when he’s awfully close to those who were flirting with him, a new kind of torture when he keeps his talks with you short at the scene but at the end of the day you always leave, together, and you settle with this too, as you settled with all his love you could get years ago.

Some nights with booze apparent in the air, you don’t bug him with questions but each party gets worse somehow, only makes the distance between the two harder.

One night you snap and let it all out, unlike that afternoon it wasn’t an asked question but an aftereffect of him pushing your nerves and once you begin, you don’t stop, letting the storm out and he just looks at you.

You stop and his gaze stays, face devoid of any emotion and you worry, all the words you’ve said dawning on you and with one last attempt you whisper “Aren’t we friends?”

Voice calm and stern, colder than that icy cocktail you had: We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.

Holding back the tears by the corner of your eyes, you blink once and turn your back, steps set on your way. You can’t recall the last time you’ve walked home alone, without him.

Some time passes, days begin to blur and you try not to dwell on things too much or think about him that much. But the brain is a traitor as much as your heart and you find yourself thinking about him too much to your liking. Not sure whether you want him to find you, you keep an eye out; maybe plan to get out of the eye sight when you spot that messy hair but there’s not much need as he’s never around.

At the same time you’re unaware that this is his way of giving you a break, providing the alone time you needed away from him; as Tetsu tries his best to gather his thoughts and shape the sentences to show how he truly feels, what he actually thinks, he keeps an eye out for you. Even the smallest of smiles on you making his racing heart worse but what lands the final blow is how rarely you smile these days. Knowing he is the reason behind, knowing he causes the weight on your shoulders and the ache in his heart, he wishes more than anything to change this as soon as he can but he is at a loss of words and actions and he hates himself for that.

When the two of you are brought together once again, as fate pushes you from behind like it did years ago, you’re not sure who looks up first. But it is Tetsu who speaks first, not giving you a chance to say anything back, call him names or yell him insults. And as he talks, eyes focused on you, locked into yours, his gaze warmer than ever, his voice nothing like that disastrous night.

“I know I fucked up and ruined the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. I have nothing to blame but myself, I know, but please. Even though it’s selfish of me to ask this… Would you give me a second chance?”

Letting go of the breath you were holding, you prepare to answer him. He doesn’t let you.

“One last chance… To start over? Because that one sentence, as cold as it sounded, had a truth to it. And I- I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t go on and pretend like I don’t have- like I don’t have all these feelings in me. I can’t nod along to your rants about how much you hate the people perceiving the two of us as more than friends. ‘Cause you got to admit. They have a point. Maybe at the beginning, yes... But we’ve not been friends, not for a long while. And you know it too whether you want to say it or not.”

As if spoken without breathing once, considering this is Tetsu that was definitely the case ,he gulps and takes a step forward.

“Will you give me a last chance and let me show you how much I can love you? Free of this ‘just friends’ title. Would you let me take you on dates and make you laugh wide and loud? Not just as your friend but as your boyfriend? As your partner in crime and in life, as Persephone is the pastel queen of hell in the realm of Hades, the sun to my Icarus, the Sodium to my Chlorine?..”

His speech was getting to you until the last sentence, your softened body goes stone cold, hands hanging in the air, Tetsu’s last pleads of “would you let me?”s falling deaf to your ears.

The gears turn quick and he realizes exactly which one of his words could leave an effect like this, be so ridiculous and bring you to a halt.

One of those smug smiles you saw on his face often, he says “What happened, cat got your tongue?”

And your mouse hanging open, all you can do is smack him on the arm, as hard as you can, for that awful salt simile and for using your words on you.

Before you know it, both of you are laughing and the air feels warm once again.

tags: @celosiiaa @boosyboo9206

54 notes · View notes

phaltu · 2 years

Note

zan, i wanted to ask you something - and i hope you don't mind the lengthy ask, but i'm gonna split this into two (or three). i wanted to ask you this because you are one of my favorite writers in danmei, and i wanted to get your two cents on this. so. if there's one thing that i've noticed in danmei fandom, it's that there seems to be two groups of ppl - i'll call them A & B. A are those who don't necessarily create, who are more there to rlly digest and meta the texts. if they do create 1/

- then they're most likely to be canon compliant, e.g. following mxtx's rules of no switching, no separating. B is what i would call the transformative one, who aren't rlly canon compliant and who break those "rules", so they switch up dynamics or separate the main cp. personally i'm not inclined to switch or separate, but even so, if it's not done because bottoming is seen as "weak", which is another thing altogether, then i think it's all good? and my ask is - 2/

- i've seen ppl in group A diss ppl in group B, calling them stupid for shipping character a of main cp with side character b (regardless of whether or not they want that ship to be canon, which is not usually the case), and even outright saying that ao3 sucks (which is okay, warranted, giving that ao3 lacks in the blocking/reporting feature), but generally i'm just a little.. surprised because i come from fandoms where practices in group B were the norm, ppl would go ham with canon 3/

- and altho both groups are not mutually exclusive, you can have someone who is very canon compliant in their own fics but reads more transformative works, i just. i guess i'm confused (and paranoid) because i don't know what should be, or is the right "approach" re: fandom. on the one hand, i like canon compliant, and do write canon compliant, but on the other, i would also like the wiggle room to create freely. i don't want to be cancelled by group A for having OOC characterization 4/

or get called out for "writing OCs with the characters' faces just pasted onto them". and i know, i get the irony, why am i, a fully grown-adult (ha!) so concerned abt what other ppl on the internet think abt me and my whims? a few years back i was worried i wasn't wild enough with my fics, because i was very canon-compliant, and a few years later i'm worried i'm not canon enough. just - may i ask what is your approach to fandom, in general and in danmei? i know i said only 2-3 asks but ;_; end/

----------------------------

Honestly I think it's all about who you follow! I follow a wide variety of folks and funnily enough, people I mutual'd from one danmei are rigid with canon and people I mutualed from others are WAY more open to being like group B. Both have their pros and cons-- the former, I have to end up seeing ships and concepts and pairings I loathe untagged, and with the latter, I can't run blockchain on their insane friends that rant like they and the author because then I'll accidentally block people I actually like talking with.

anyways my approach in fandom has really...always been to just do my own thing. compared to how I was when I participated in Voltron, I don't really get involved in discussions about characterizations and meta and critical analysis or what not. First, because I like to put that energy towards writing personally, and while others get joy out of it, I don't particularly personally, and second, I pretty much have only 2, 3 friends I talk about the danmei I consume with when it comes to actual headcanons because we're on the same page when it comes to how we interpret texts, so it's fun.

I love making things for fandom and I like consuming things and I love fandom community that way. I love the what-ifs and the horny ideas and what not. But critical analysis and head canons and meta in general is just not my shtick. anything i have to say about the character, i say it through fic which brings me to my last part in this rambling answer which is that as long as the fic feels right to me, it's going to go up.

I've written some OOC stuff myself but as long as you have the confidence in what you're writing, people are going to be really forgiving. Sometimes when I doubt myself, I think about all the people tweeting wildly incorrect meta with their whole chest talking about how you need reading comprehension if you don't see it their way, and channel the same inner confidence, as misguided as theirs may be.

if someone was to rip me for my characterizations I'd feel hurt for sure but I don't pre-emptively think about it when I'm posting something. If I do, it's kind of a "well if it sucks it sucks I guess" which is part in due to me just getting slapped so much irl that fandom is low on the list of things to spend time having a crisis about

also if you're following anyone that says ao3 sucks just unfollow them. mute them. get rid of them. if they're mutuals mute them. so many mutuals have to cycle through the mute bin for my own sanity and in some cases, our friendship

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSSS long rant over just post that fic!! do it!!!

#answer #long story short i closed myself off more after vld and it worked wonders #isntead of brain there is just mii music

6 notes · View notes

dughole · 3 years

Text

@torturelabyrinth hey olivia. thanks for responding to this in good faith n ik u aren't celebdefender5000. i will try to like, elaborate on what I meant in the best way I can. id rlly like it if some of the trans ppl who relate(d) to what im articulating can add in their own comments abt this. im very aware that this stuff is incredibly personal for me & i won't deny that there is bias here, im not in a place where I can publicly come out completely & i spent a really long time in these kinds of situations wondering if I was just jealous of the access other nb people have. & maybe that is the case, i don't fully know. it's def a misarticulation to attach this specifically to demi, thats not rlly what I meant to do by mentioning them, bc what I was saying may or may not pertain to them at all! it's more like, i’m using their coming out as a catalyst for my own thought process surrounding the language around what being nbcis vs. what being nbtrans is, demi isn't even necessarily relevant in that! i am legitimately glad that they've reached a point in their life where they can talk about being nb openly, & I genuinely promise, that this conversation i'm trying to have ISN'T "is demi lovato actually nb or r they faking" bc thats an incredibly slippery slope to go down & that kind of rhetoric has been used against me too. i hav absolutely no interest in that. this convo is really tricky bc so often it boils down into like, being trans, being nb = a certain kind of look. like, we r all limited by our appearences. it is an undeniable fact the expectation cis ppl have towards trans bodies to exist in a certain physical space that aligns with the truth of our internal understanding of gender, that that is a rlly harmful expectation. the perceived mobility/immobility of trans bodies, the emphasis on passing is something that is undeniably harmful. it harms me as someone whose, (despite my best efforts to do what I can w the body & the resources I have) , attempts to exist as androgynous bc that best reflects who I am - do fall flat. & as I was saying to a mutual, like, my investment in this convo isn't rlly, like, the unplugged/inarticulate nature of celebrity coming outs. they're celebs, they're going to be detached from the world of most lgbt ppl no matter what terms they use, & that doesn't necessarily say anything abt the validity of who they r. like. jvn coming out as nb in an insta ad for nail polish. stupid & very celeb of them - but has no actual bearing on the truth of their existence as a nb person. my focus here, is more like. in the past year or so i've had a lot of conversations w other trans ppl abt like, the existence of ppl who use the vocab of being a trans person (as in pronouns or otherwise), but who like, can't even say the word trans outloud. ppl who openly self-id as cis nb. obviously coming to terms w being trans is an incredibly internal thing anyway, & the way someone discusses themselves doesn't devalue their position as potentially existing as trans. but like, my worst experiences this year w transphobia towards my body & the people I care abts bodies have been from ppl who use they/them pronouns, from people who use the same words that I do. ppl that I had to come out to just so they would believe me when I told them there was some really disgusting transphobia in their thinking. there is just, a phenomenon, I've seen, of a separation btween the ideas of being trans & being nb, & mayb they should be separate! idk! my belief is not at all that cis nb ppl shouldn't exist or whatever - but my understanding is that being trans & being nb were/r inextricably linked by history & experience. & this is an incredibly delicate issue, that needs to be discussed very responsibility lest it dip into disgusting transmedicalist territory. "presenting accurately" is a concept that serves cis ppl rather than trans ppl, defining the legitimacy or experience of ppl using nb vocab, trans or not, isn't productive or kind.

I guess like, I just see a need for a discussion around this kind of phenomenon of separation bc, like, it is harming me and the ppl I care about in my life. & mayb that's not a phenomenon ur seeing, and if u aren't - like. that's really great. I'm really glad the ppl in ur life that are discussing what it means to be nb r doing it in a way that considers the history of attachment to transness. but i think there needs to b avenues of good-faith discussions of the concerns of trans nb ppl & binary trans ppl with the concerns of ppl who r cis nb. and like. that convo is going to b complex bc there aren’t always clear lines between, being trans and not being trans, etc. but i still think it’s a convo worth having? this reply is a bit messy n vry long & I hope it comes across accurately, I think transmedicalists r fucked, & i'm really not trying to say "this person is/isnt trans", or "u need to have x, y, & z marked on ur transgender checklist for it to be validated", & a lot of this is attached to very personal pain of mine that I can discuss w u in more detail privately if u wish. i really don't think, being trans relies on anything but Being Trans. not transitioning, not hormones, not any one particular sugery, etc. i'm just, like, i'm trying to push a conversation in a productive direction bc it affects me and i’m pretty sure it affects others?

#does this make any sense my i am struggling a lot w this & it’s very personal & i am very committed to talking abt this ethically so if i #need to b corrected somewhere i am vry open to that!!!!

12 notes · View notes

zippityzap · 3 years

Note

So I noticed DA removed comments sections from the gallery and that makes me a lil sad bc I wanted to look at your cast list again. I remember you said Sonic was a mix of Junichi Kanemaru AND all the English voices, but Max Mittelman was a rlly popular choice before Roger came back. Based on what you were saying, I personally prefer Brad Swaile, at least as a singing voice. You had a discussion w someone abt Nicole Oilver as Aleena, but what abt Heather Dale?

Well, when I talk about all English VAs + Junichi Kanemaru, I mean to say that tends to be what I hear in my head whenever I read dialogue from Sonic in like a comic or whatever. When it comes to games or animation etc I’m not particularly fussy about what VA Sonic should have.

Regarding Max Mittelman the role of his I’m most familiar with is Plagg from Miraculous but I just listened to a few of his other roles and I could see him working as Sonic. As for Brad Swalie, I’m not really familiar with any of his voice work and any clips of him singing I can find are poor quality so I don’t feel like I can fairly pass judgement in that regard.

Now with Aleena I actually have two different VA choices: Nicole Oliver in a hypothetical situation where Underground gets an official reboot and Aleena’s personality/vibe stays the same as the original show (just to note, I rather like Aleena’s original voice but her VA appears to have only done voice work for Underground then disappeared off the face of the planet afterwards). However if my specific interpretation of Aleena (ie Remixed) were to have a voice it would be Susan Egan.

Assuming I’ve got the right Heather Dale, I listened to a song of hers and about half a minute of her TEDtalk, while her singing could fit Aleena, I don’t think her natural speaking voice is a great match. She’d be a good choice if you needed a separate singing voice for Aleena but both of my other choices can sing so that wouldn’t really be needed.

#zippy answers #underground remixed

3 notes · View notes

ama1gamates · 4 years

Text

theory:deltarune is one of gaster’s experiments

apologizing ahead of time if this is written in a disorganized manner, also the fact that i veer off topic a couple times to just talk about ways the games are related. its very difficult to organize my thoughts when there is so much to consider despite the fact that this is like my fourth time rewriting this (woops)

theory: deltarune is one of gaster’s experiments. like the entire thing is an experiment.

if you’ve never heard who gaster is in relation to undertale, you should probably look into that first because that’s what this entire thing is about. tldr; he was the royal scientist before alphys, fell into his own experiment and “died” or disappeared. he is presumaby sans’s and papyrus’s father or a part of the family (assuming that w.d. stands for wingdings going along with the whole “named after the font they talk in” thing, especially considering the fact that the journal 17 hidden room is written in wingdings). although we don’t exactly know when gaster is in the timeline of the backstory, we can assume he was hired as the royal scientist to figure out how to get them out of the underground. we can probably assume that he worked with determination, considering that the one time he is visible in the game he appears kind of drippy, like the fact that that’s exactly why amalgamates even happened in true lab. also, the determination extraction machine - was gaster’s. there are blueprints in sans’s workshop, written in a code that frisk cant understand, as well as a broken machine covered by a sheet; we’re assuming that’s an old determination machine and sans translated the blueprints for alphys (she even says in a journal entry “i used the blueprints”). if the “creation” gaster fell in wasn’t the core, it might have been this, because once again he appears all melty like the amalgamates or undyne when she dies. gaster’s appearances in undertale kind of seem like random easter eggs about a character from the past, but i’m not convinced it’s unimportant; in both deltarune and undertale you cannot name your character gaster, it just restarts the game.

now onto why i think deltarune is an experiment: when you download the game onto your computer, the file saves as “SURVEY_PROGRAM.exe” which actually scared me a little bc i was scared i just downloaded a virus, plus the fact that the license agreement when i was installing it said “YOU AGREE TO EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS FROM NOW ON” or something like that. terrifying! and once you open the game it does survey you, asking you to create a vessel and name it as well as yourself, unlike undertale where you only name the first fallen human, chara. plus there is someone that talks you through the whole intro asking you these things, which seems very separate from the narrator of everything else that happens in the game. and i think that this is how gaster was experimenting with human souls; when you die and when you save, the game doesn’t focus on determination like undertale does. (the flipside of this is alphys experimenting how to break the barrier with monster souls and determination).

MY BIGGEST REASON WHY I THINK THIS THOUGH: journal entry 17 from gaster. the entire thing is talking about a darkness growing stronger and cutting deeper, saying “i think this next experiment is going to be very very interesting.” THE ENTIRE PLOT OF DELTARUNE CHAPTER ONE IS RESTORING BALANCE TO THE WORLD BECAUSE OF A FOUNTAIN OF DARKNESS MAKING THE DARK WORLD GROW STRONGER.

it’s also just very Funny(tm) to me that undertale has the surface and the underworld, and that deltarune has the light world and the dark world. there’s just! a very specific! kind of parallel there! like someone might have based it off of the concept of having a surface world and a world underneath!

one other fun thing: clam girl, a rare-appearance npc, talks about her neighbor “suzy” and how the protag should meet her. and once you talk to her, if you go to sans’s workshop, one of the drawers contains a poorly drawn photo of three smiling people the protag doesn’t recognize that says “don’t forget”. but only if you talk to clam girl! also goner clam girl, an even rarer npc, says that u never met suzy but the time to do so is “fast approaching.” i just think it’s interesting ;)))

about kris: i’m thinking that the soul kris out at the end is the player’s? maybe that’s a common theory, idk it probably is. like gaster just chose a human on the lightener world and said “here you go! here’s a soul! have fun being my experiment!” and this soul has more determination than kris; i saw this pointed out in a video, but the first time you play the game and you get to the first save point, you literally overwrite a save file under the name “kris.” in undertale, only the person with the most determination has the ability to save, which is why the only time flowey could save is when he had six human souls in his control, so we can assume the player has more determination than kris. also the fact that kris literally doesn’t emote at ALL the entire game, to me that makes it rlly clear that the soul they rip out is Not Good.

of course i don’t have all the answers! and this isn’t without holes, because yeah our information about gaster is limited and we only have one chapter of deltarune. something i realized today though: in undertale when you read the signs in waterfall, the last one mentions an angel who has seen the surface, presumaby asriel, come will back to free them all (which does happen in true pacifist!) the only other time an angel is mentioned in undertale is when you talk to gerson about the delta rune emblem; apparently the other bleaker take on the angel is an angel of death who’s a harbinger of destruction. SO ITS REAL INTERESTING I THINK that in the deltarune prophecy, it mentions that when the trio restores balance, they will “banish the angel’s heaven?” and somehow even after we closed the fountain (which btw i’m not convinced it worked) we don’t know what that means or what it’s referring to. but if we’re going off of the thought that undertale’s “angel” is asriel...... we bring in the theories about ralsei and asriel having something to do with each other, considering their names being anagrams and looking somewhat similar. also the fact that theyre probably related and asriel will make an appearance in the game in the future makes me nervous about that. THIS COULD BE A THING! WHO KNOWS. just wanted to point it out as well even though i don’t think it has anything to do with gaster.

ANYWAYS THIS IS A MESS but those are my thoughts on the ways that undertale and deltarune are related!!! and if anyone wants to add their thoughts feel free, i’m open to discussion

#undertale #deltarune #god damn #gaster #w.d. gaster #kris deltarune #asriel dreemurr #ralsei #delta rune #i tried proofreading and god my adhd brain says NO READ. ONLY WRITE #so i apologize if i messed something up lol

20 notes · View notes

welcometothenightcourt · 3 years

Note

hi!! I had a few questions. I’ve been questioning if I’m a system for a while and I rlly don’t know at which point it’s ok to say I am(how do I become confident in that?). I truly feel like different people with separate identities at times, and like I possibly have passive influence..especially with gender and sexuality. but what if if my identity is just fluid? along with feeling like different people, at times I rlly feel like the world and body isn’t mine or that I’m not even real or human. I think im ghostkin(as in involuntarily I feel like I am a ghost..dinosaur too) but I wonder if these are actually non human (or “undead ghost”) alters? how do I tell? recently I also looked back on old(but honestly not even that old at all) conversations.. to find that I had an extremely different typing style and way of behaving.. it distressed me and I didn’t think I could ever behave like that… especially since the way I act/type has changed so much in a short period of time.. I don’t remember this change happening.. possibly it’s just me becoming more mature but I rlly felt disconnected from that “past me.” Ive also always had dissociation and have been forgetful at times… it feels like everyday besides the current present never actually happened and it’s hard to remember or feel like it was me that experienced it. I do end up remembering stuff (it depends-) but is that amnesia? bc I know to have DID and OSDD-1a u need amnesia… so I’m like .. if I don’t have it then would I have OSDD-1b?.. the problem I’m having though… is that I’m not exactly having any communication with ANYONE in any way and I know very little(no names and such) about any other alters except: one feels transmasc one feels transfem and I started calling the transfem one momo?.. there’s also me having a traumatic experience and started to identity 100% as a fictional character (two but mainly this one happens right at the trauma) so I wonder if it’s not a kin but a fictives? .. plus at a young age I do remember experiencing trauma … so it makes me wonder if I’m a system or not .. but honestly I don’t know how to tell at this point bc I’ve tried to talk to others and it doesn’t work … I don’t feel confident saying I’m a system bc my experiences are not the same as others.. (they have carrds listing s bunch of info on all alters) and I don’t…and I don’t want u to dx me!! I just don’t know what to do at this point in time..? I don’t know how to move forward or what I should do .. when is it ok to say I’m a system and how do I know which disorder I have?…I’m scared to tell my therapist ANYTHING mental health relays honestly

hi!! I had a few questions. I’ve been questioning if I’m a system for a while and I rlly don’t know at which point it’s ok to say I am(how do I become confident in that?). I truly feel like different people with separate identities at times, and like I possibly have passive influence..especially with gender and sexuality. but what if if my identity is just fluid? along with feeling like different people, at times I rlly feel like the world and body isn’t mine or that I’m not even real or human. I think im ghostkin(as in involuntarily I feel like I am a ghost..dinosaur too) but I wonder if these are actually non human (or “undead ghost”) alters? how do I tell? recently I also looked back on old(but honestly not even that old at all) conversations.. to find that I had an extremely different typing style and way of behaving.. it distressed me and I didn’t think I could ever behave like that… especially since the way I act/type has changed so much in a short period of time.. I don’t remember this change happening.. possibly it’s just me becoming more mature but I rlly felt disconnected from that “past me.” Ive also always had dissociation and have been forgetful at times… it feels like everyday besides the current present never actually happened and it’s hard to remember or feel like it was me that experienced it. I do end up remembering stuff (it depends-) but is that amnesia? bc I know to have DID and OSDD-1a u need amnesia… so I’m like .. if I don’t have it then would I have OSDD-1b?.. the problem I’m having though… is that I’m not exactly having any communication with ANYONE in any way and I know very little(no names and such) about any other alters except: one feels transmasc one feels transfem and I started calling the transfem one momo?.. there’s also me having a traumatic experience and started to identity 100% as a fictional character (two but mainly this one happens right at the trauma) so I wonder if it’s not a kin but a fictives? .. I also feel like often I’m possibly co con ?? bc I’ll feel unlike “me”/the body yet say “I have to be (body name) who else could I be)… plus at a young age I do remember experiencing trauma … so it makes me wonder if I’m a system or not .. but honestly I don’t know how to tell at this point bc I’ve tried to talk to others and it doesn’t work … I don’t feel confident saying I’m a system bc my experiences are not the same as others.. (they have carrds listing s bunch of info on all alters) and I don’t…and I don’t want u to dx me!! I just don’t know what to do at this point in time..? I don’t know how to move forward or what I should do .. I’m scared to tell my therapist ANYTHING mental health relays honestly Rn

Okay, first things first bud: slow down. Take a breath, and remember that there is absolutely no rush to come to these conclusions. Not about your system status, not about your gender, not about any of this stuff.

Next: As long as you’ve done your research, and taken time to really look at yourself and did/osdd/udd, and you feel like your experiences align with them, then it’s okay to self dx it.

As for the amnesia, yes. Amnesia is most commonly thought about as a complete black out, Idk what the hell happened at all kind of amnesia, but that’s not the only or even the most common type of amnesia. While black outs happen for some, grey outs (sort of remembering, but also not really, maybe like remembering big events but not any details of the event) or emotional amnesia (remembering something sort of but also feeling very emotionally disconnected) are far more common.

It’s important to remember that no ones experiences in system life are exactly the same way. Just because your experiences aren’t exactly the same as those you see doesn’t disqualify you from having the disorder at all. For every system you see out here having organisation and lists and blogs and whatnot there are three to five more you don’t see because their systems aren’t so comfortable with that or known or communicative or overt enough.

On a personal note, it took five years for us since we started questioning and noticing things to even accept and conclude that we were a system, and three years since that to get to the communication level that we have. Also, remember that here on Tumblr and on places like TikTok and whatnot, we get to choose how we present ourselves, what we do and do not share. We tailor how others see us. And most of the time for yalls viewing pleasure, we keep our dark shit off of this page. Our serious struggles and trauma and bad shit that comes with DID goes to our private vent page. What you see on social media is not ever going to be a 100% perspective of a disorder and all of the ways it manifests.

That being said, if you feel like you don’t quite fit the criteria for DID or OSDD, there is another diagnoses called UDD which can include those with systems. Please read this post for more on self dx, the criteria for DID, OSSD, and UDD, and related. (It’s also pinned in our pinned post, so you may or may not have read it already)

Lastly, the fact that you don’t feel comfortable talking to your Mental Health Professional about mental health is very concerning. I strongly recommend you get a new MHP asap with whom you can discuss these things if at all possible.

I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions or if I missed something you wanted a direct response to, don’t hesitate to ask. Always happy to answer to the best of my ability

#did #actuallydid #asks #ask #system #long ask #osdd

1 note · View note

tslasvegas · 3 years

Text

Episode 3: “UGH just rename Luxor to Loser” - Xavier

Well... that takes care of the Timmy problem... Love Timmy... Just didn’t know how our dynamic would be cus he was runner-up to the last survivor game I played which I won. Hm... Well...

That went well. There's nothing like a live video tribal to get people together. and stephen didn't react too badly. but i know now he won't work with me moving forward

I’m sorry I’m terrible at confessionals... So things are going well, I think we have a decent tribe but it is too soon to tell. I’m not a huge fan of creative challenges, at least from my previous game, I guess we will see how that goes. Most of the guys seem nice, still trying to feel everyone out.`

A 4-2 vote off is interesting. Someone is on the bottom for sure. Also, this next challenge is a creative challenge and when I do these solo I usually do really well. Hopefully I can channel that energy into a win for us here because two tribes are going to tribal. We’ll be down to 17 after this, so I’m not sure if we’d go into a tribe swap yet? Maybe 2 tribes of 8 with one person sitting out?

Oh hot dang, two tribes are going to tribal next time. Probably going to be us :( now it is time to make alliance chats!

....five seconds later

I suspect that after this double vote out that there will be a tribe swap. I hope I end up with Mo and Jaiden at least.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17NPxKO_TKgqjNqsaWlbmlL0jgU36Aygi/view?usp=drivesdk

I really like this challenge. I feel confident about it but at the same time nervous that 2 tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope my tribe wins this one since I still don't know how the tribe feels about me. Wish me luck guys!

My tribe is not going to win this immunity challenge. Our nightclub is due just hours away and we have little nothing done. I am going to have to scramble soon.....I did nothing to help my tribe with the challenge, so if it is me that goes, I would understand

....five seconds later

Honestly, I want to keep Jaiden and Mo around because I feel closer with them than anyone else. I want to keep Kailyn around because she seems to make time for challenges. Everyone else I am okay with going home, Ben hasn't really done anything soooooo maybe him? Oof

If we lose, then it's 2/3rds my fault and 1/3 Stephen. We better not be on the chopping block if we do lose. This is a two person Tribe as of now. Bobby Jon and Stephenie.

...five seconds later

UGH just rename Luxor to Loser

Second we lose Ben finally responded to my pm’s..... hm..... alright....

Y’all rlly won with a PowerPoint SKDJDJSKLALALL

Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.

youtube

All that hard work that went into this challenge really paid off! We scored the best and don’t have to attend tribal!! Which is absolutely exciting! Andrew told me he wanted to work together which is rad. Livingston and I want to work together which is radder. And Joey and i want to work together which is raddest. I haven’t spoken too much with Jeff lately even though we talked quite a bit early on. Pat and I speak occasionally. Stephanie and I didn’t really speak at all until recently but we’ve gotten into a good groove the last few days. I’m feeling pretty good about this game so far. I hope there’s no tribal swap or anything right away.

So when I get my chip total I'm gonna update Keegan. He is currently at a soap making class but I want him to know I am serious about working with him in this game and I think this is a good gesture. - keegan has let me know he has 4 chips and is willing to pool them over to me when we have enough so that we can unlock the store. I let him know I am okay with doing the same thing to him, whichever. But yes this is looking HOT for me. - "what's in the store?" | all i can really assume is advantages. we need 10 chips to unlock it. This is very similar to the Unnamed Season but the betting cap gives us more control. At this point, I don't think anyone can mathematically unlock without pooling chips. Keegan and I just need 1 more chip between us. Let's just hope we aren't separated by a swap or some shit. I am hoping for a bit more time on this amazing tribe to get that set up so I have a good idea of what the store holds.

We lost again!?!?!?!?!??! I am so surprised? Nah I'm kidding, but I don't care. I don't blame our team for losing because 3/5 of us were panicking because our president could be a cheetoh. I'm voting Stephen tonight, I hope the others follow suit. It SHOULD be simple, but 9 hours is a long time for Survivor; and if he knows it's him then might run around and create some chaos - which would be funny.

Rachael (love her she’s probably who I’m closest with along with DeNara and Kailyn) is not being subtle about the fact that she either has a pre-existing friendship with Ben or is currently aligned with Ben. Because Ben, from my knowledge has not been social with anyone, nor has he been super active and in our alliance chat with Kailyn, Rachael seems uncomfortable with the fact that Ben is said to be the vote and is saying she would prefer someone else to go. But like c’mon you can’t deny he hasn’t been social, and even if I had a friendship with somebody before a game, if they aren’t active I’m voting them out. Also I lied to my tribe a couple times this round because I’m lazy.

UGH. We LOST the challenge!!! And it wasn't even close *grumbles angrily* But it's okay. I'm gonna have to work my pussy out to this entire tribe to make them keep me around! I feel pretty good about this, I believe the target is leaning towards Ben but we'll have to wait and see. I don't think it's possible rn but I'm hoping for a swap soon so I can feel a little more re-energized in this game because my tribe has been super quiet lately... I think people will try to move the vote around so I'm going to use my current lack of employment as an opportunity to make myself stay alive on this tribe lmao

These guys are being super boring and either Jake is dumber than i thought, or shadier than i gave him credit for. Xavier might be trying to play me but regardless its doubtful ill stay. John seems to have the most chance of winning out of these four as hes not overplaying. Kevin hasnt spoken to me since the colin vote and it pisses me off that I might be going home after being one of two people that worked on the challenge when kevin was taken off the chopping block immediately for playing jeopardy. i hate this tribe.

....five seconds later

Johns out, Jake too by the sound of it. Time for plan B, which never works but might as well try. Fake idol time.

Oof well the uhh, “obvious friend group” has picked their target and it just so happens to be the only person I’ve made an actual alliance with :/ Poor DeNara. I really didn’t want to have to vote her off this early if I didn’t have to and then the worst part is she didn’t even hear it from me. Nobody is even mentioning game right now and Rachael is acting legitimately surprised to me when I came to her saying “okay this is an easier vote than I thought”.. even tho Ben claimed he had already talked to her..?? Idk man I must’ve done something wrong along the way but these people LEGITIMATELY don’t talk to me. My instant reaction is leaning towards being bitter but bitterness doesn’t really get me anywhere :/ I feel kinda.. out of it rn emotionally just because of everything else I have going on so if I seem more reserved tonight at tribal than usual, that’s why. I just hope that I’m not still stuck on that damn mountain rolling my dumbass rock back up only to get knocked back down again. I’m remaining optimistic for the future.. let’s keep winning some challenges mmkay

Okay good news, I shouldn't be leaving. But that being said DeNara, you have goT TO PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER. She's packing her bags and from my knowledge she's going to be fine tonight. Hopefully it'll be Ben who's going but DeNara giving up like this isn't helPING.

....five seconds later

Also I am in two alliances which is cool I guess.

Oops....... and now I'm controlling this vote I think :) It feels good. I don't know what my plan is !! I'm lying to everyone. I basically put myself in a position to be the 4th person in both votes and I love it so much. I keep telling ppl I'm an emotional mess and I think I'll milk that because SOMEONE is going to get betrayed tonight... love that for me. Rachael, Nik, and Ben want to vote out DeNara Mo, Kailyn, and DeNara want to vote out Ben And tbh I would prefer Rachael or Nik!! Since neither of those things are happening I guess it's up to me to decide which way I wanna swing... I hate/love myself for this. I think there are good cases for both people to leave, because I think that getting rid of DeNara strengthens bonds I never had with Rachael and co. while getting rid of Ben just makes me their enemy. Honestly I am starting to lean towards getting rid of DeNara for that sole purpose alone. It'll be messy for sure. Ben provides NOTHING to the game right now and I hate the fact that he announced in his intro that he's just here to backstab people... but villains don't win unless they're sitting next to another villain. He's the goat to me and Rachael right now, but pretty homos like me always win xx I might regret this decision down the road but HOPEFULLY whichever side I take will pay me back in protection down the line. I think I have the charm to smooth shit over w Kailyn and Mo but its up for determination. I think that I have the finesse to beat Rachael in a vote, too, but I don't want to put her back up against the wall just yet..... ;) Anyways... I hope this isn't my last confessional. I wasn't having fun until I found my place. Let's get it on.

It is me or Ben tonight. Guess we will find out who...

0 notes

benhardyisdaddy · 5 years

Text

my plus one - part 2

MASTERLIST

(hello babes!!! so ive been starved on soft roger so i needed that rlly bad in this part as u can tell lmao i hope u all like it, i seriously have so many ideas and im excited!!)

Word Count: 1,694

You dreaded airports. You dreaded them even more when you were with Roger Taylor, the famous drummer of Queen. Every person you walked by would gasp and point at him as they get all giddy and weird. You have known Roger since before Queen, so the star struck feeling wasn’t mutual with you. You just saw your best friend and that’s all. Oh how he loved to tease you over it.

“How does it feel to be friends with a rock star?” he asks right after signing something for a girl and her friends.

He has a smug look on his face as he smiles. You laugh and roll your eyes.

“Yeah, okay, Mr. Rock star. Do they know that you still sleep with your tiny stuffed tiger at night?” you ask, a smirk playing on your lips.

Roger’s eyes go wide as he brings his finger to his mouth and shushes you.

“Shhh! Don’t say that out loud!” he warns you, his voice dangerously low.

You wiggle your brows as you open your mouth to talk even louder.

“Oh, do you mean the stuffed tiger you sleep with named Bubs?”

Roger leaps forward and places his hand over your mouth with a warning look on his face. You can’t help but laugh against him as he chuckles as well. The two of you stare at each other as he slowly removes his hand, a faint smile on your faces. Suddenly, the look goes serious as he continues to look at you. You swallow hard and look away fast as you rub the back of your neck.

“We should get some snacks for the plane.” you tell him as you walk away.

Roger takes in a deep breath and he agrees with you. The two of you walk through the gift shop and gather what you need. When you’re done, you make your way to your gate. People are still looking at Roger and probably wondering what he’s doing not on a jet. He offered to use his own, but you were more comfortable this way.

“Ugh,” you groan out.

“What?” he asks, removing his headphones from his ears.

You were finally on the plane and in your seats. People were still walking through the aisle and trying to find theirs. You look to Roger and frown hard.

“The trip’s almost six hours long.” you pout.

Roger rolls his eyes as he opens up a small bag of chips and throws a few into his mouth, talking with it full.

“I go back and forth on an eleven hour flight from here to London. I think you’ll survive six.”

Your eyes are wide as your head falls forward just slightly.

“I don’t know how you do it.” you tell him.

“Imaykesureidrinakalot”

You squint your eyes and frown.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” you scold him.

He swallows hard and starts again.

“I make sure I drink a lot.”

“Ohhh. Can’t blame you. Can I have one?” you ask, looking to his chips.

He scowls as you make puppy dog eyes to him.

“You said you weren’t hungry when I asked if you wanted anything!”

“I wasn’t, but now I am! Pleeeeeease!”

Roger sighs and takes a chip from the bag and holds it up.

“Open up.” he tells you.

You know what he’s going to do. You open your mouth and laugh as he tosses a chip up and you catch it, causing you both to silently cheer. He throws one again and it hits your forehead, causing you both to laugh hard. Maybe the plane trip won’t be as bad as you think.

***

“Who’s picking us up?” asks Roger.

The plane had just landed and you all were able to make your way off. You had a hold of Roger’s shirt so you wouldn’t get separated in the sea of people as he carried your purse for you.

“I think my mom is.”

“What if it’s Alex and Ellie?” he asks with a smart aleck look on his face.

You frown and bring yourself closer behind him, your chest practically pushed against his back. Roger’s laughing at his joke as you slip your finger under his shirt and pinch his side, causing him to hiss.

“Ow!” he yells.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did that hurt? It was funny to me.” you tease back, causing him to frown.

You finally make it off of the plane and inside the airport. You look around the busy place in search of a familiar face. You find one. You were right all along. Your mom was picking you up. She looks around the room and spots you. A giant smile appears on her face as she hurries to get to you. She opens her arms and pulls you in for a hug.

“My baby!” she says loudly.

She squeezes you hard and leans away, getting a good look at you. Her eyes go to Roger and she almost gasps.

“Roger Taylor, is that you? Look at you! All grown up and so handsome!” she coos.

Roger blushes and smiles to her.

“Hi, Mrs. Y/l/n. It’s really good to see you as well.”

“Roger’s doing really well now, mom. He’s in the band Queen!”

She squints her eyes and shakes her head, not understanding.

“Who?” she asks, causing Roger to snicker.

“Queen? The famous band? They’re all over the media.”

“Oh, honey. You know I’m not much into what’s popular and what’s not. But congratulations, Roger!” she tells him proudly.

“Thank you, Mrs. Y/l/n.” he says, still trying not to laugh.

“So,” she starts as you make your way to your luggage. “When were you going to tell me that you two are a couple, huh?”

You stop walking which results in Roger running into you. You look to him fast as he shrugs and doesn’t know what to say.

“Oh, mom. Wait, n-”

But before you can answer, someone’s talking over you.

“Sis! Over here!”

It’s Ellie. You hear her voice and your skin crawls. You slowly look to your left and there she is with Alex right beside her. He’s almost frowning as he awkwardly stands there as she grins and waves her hand in the air. You feel like you’re going to be sick, but Roger places his hand on your arm and you’re better. You relax.

“What are they doing here?” you whisper to your mom.

She frowns at them and just shakes her head.

“Apparently Tweedledee and Tweedledum wanted to join in on the welcome party. I told them not to.” she explains.

Before you can say more, Ellie comes rushing up to you and hugs you tightly.

“I missed you so much!” she squeals.

“Gee,” is all you can say back.

You look to Alex and he’s watching you closely. You don’t dare say hi to him. Ellie takes a step back and grabs his hand, making you almost shiver. What makes you feel better is the sheer disgust on your mother’s face as she looks at Alex. It made you love her more.

“You guys were in a serious discussion. What about?” she asks, curious.

She’s smiling so hard, her face might get stuck. You secretly wish it does.

“Oh,” starts your mom. “I was just talking about the new couple in front of me! I had no idea!”

Ellie looks between you two and her eyes narrow.

“Wait, you two are dating?” she asks, confused.

Alex tenses his jaw and stands up straight. Roger opens his mouth to tell them no, but you cut him off.

“We are!” you say a little too loud.

Roger’s eyes go slightly wide as he stares at you in disbelief. You awkwardly smile and laugh as you grab his hand and hold it. You show everyone and slowly lean yourself into his arms.

“We’re… Dating.” you say, forcing a smile.

Roger, on the other hand, looks like he’s just seen a ghost. His mouth is still slightly open as he looks between everyone beyond confused.

“Oh my gosh?” says Ellie. “That’s amazing! Best friends who found love! Awwww!”

And a sister who found my ex! Awwww! But you don’t say that. You just give her a tight lip smile as Roger starts to calm down and realize he needs to just go with it.

“Uh, yeah! We’re just so in love.” he says, squeezing your hand.

“Here,” says your mom as she pulls out her phone. “Lovebirds in paradise. Let me take your photo. Give her a smooch.”

Both of your eyes go wide this time as you look at each other. You’ve never kissed Roger before so this was beyond awkward. He stares at you with a fake smile on his face. He’s secretly cursing you with his eyes and you can tell.

“Alright,” you say as you turn to face him fully. “One smooch.”

You slowly and awkwardly lean in as he does the same. Your faces are inches apart as you slightly turn your head. You can feel his warm breath on your face and your stomach was going crazy. You did not think this through. You look down at Roger’s lips and then to his eyes, watching him do the same. You lift your eyebrows up playfully, causing him to smile. You both slowly lean in and kiss. You think it’s going to last for a second, but it doesn’t. You close your eyes and lean into him, Roger doing the same. You melt for a moment until you hear the camera shutter.

“Alright, got it.” she says.

You both lean back and look away. You bring you hand up to your mouth and graze your bottom lip. Roger’s licking his mouth as his face is bright red. Ellie has a sweet look on her face as Alex just frowns. Roger looks to you and you both let out a breathy laugh.

“Shall we get going?” asks your mom, turning around to sling her arm around yours.

You all begin walking out of the airport. You’re breathless as Roger stands next to you. You never imagined yourself doing that in this moment, let alone lifetime. The kiss was sweet and gentle, nothing serious about it…

Right?

Tag List: @shesakillerquueennn @sevenseasofryheisthequeen @ohsnaprogertaylor @jazzman-19@culturefiendtrashqueen @crazysaladchopshop @luckytrashgooprebel @xtrashmammalstefx @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls

Perm Tag List: @loudxxstar @iambuckyrogers @babebenhardy @ramimalekrp-roleplayerpage @mautand @rogertayolr @mothermercuryy @basics-andthesimplelife @caterinaborgia @discodeakyjazzyjoe @sheridans-dynamos @bethany-cc @onexlittlespark @idontbelievethiss @having-a-freddie-time @denimmay @bensrhapsody @manuosorioh @writing-in-hell @cupcakehardy @toms-irish-girl @a-kind-of-magik @thesecondlastjedi @dianamarie-has-a-blog @ezmina98 @finnbalortrash21 @frostedsugarcookiemint @yourealegendroger @popcrone818 @wronglanemendes @sj-thefan @borhapqueen92 @httpfandxms @haileylansley @arrozsocarrat @quirkydeaky @vanitysfairr @luvborhap @loveandbeloved29 @vousmemanqueez @hearts-to-the-sky @shewantsthe-youngamerican @sherlollydramoine @culturefiendtrashqueen @mamiigg

#benhardyisdaddy #roger taylor #rogertaylor #ben!rogertaylor #benhardy!rogertaylor #rogertaylorxy/n #roger taylor x reader #my plus one #angst #comedy #fic #series #queen #borhap #wedding #part 2 #drama #friends to lovers

158 notes · View notes

sometimesrosy · 4 years

Note

Wow did you see all that drama with those Rey and Ben shippers and John Boyega who plays Finn? Now I have nothing against them all but some of them took it too far. So what John doesn't like a ship, there is no need to abuse him with vicious racist slurs on social media and he snapped back posting a video of their terrible tweets with everyone to see than they started playing the victim card even though they are the ones who tagged him in their racism publicly, no one to blame but themselves.

Oh rlly? I didn’t see the latest saga, but I saw the part about how they called him sexist for shipping rey and finn, and being vaguely smutty, which I think is hypocritical for a fandom that shipped r/ylo and made a mc heroine’s journey all about a man. And they were not nonsexual either. I saw those conversations. They were mocking him for portraying what they saw as the losing side in a love triangle (but it wasn’t really a love triangle and they didn’t win it if it was.)

I didn’t see his video but I SO believe it. And I believe they attacked him with racist slurs and then played the victim. I had a very similar experience in fandom on a much smaller level. I’m not famous, and I had nothing to do with the content created, but I also was attacked by a fandom of a “winning” ship in a shipwar whose fave then died. I have been called a lesbophobe... which is a very tricky thing because homophobia is wrong and the claim turns me into the bad guy, whether it’s true or not, the evil person, right? I’m the one who’s the bigot, according to that claim, and anything I do to defend myself is seen as evidence of of it being true, no matter my past history or present actions, and it was, in fact supported by straight up lies and misrepresentations. They did this by erasing my lived experience as a domestic abuse victim which I flat out told them from the very beginning of my critique. I was speaking as a abuse survivor on what I saw. They said no I was lying, that wasn’t real, i hated lesbians. And if it was real, I should be silent because lesbians were more important than abuse victims. And I also deserved my abuse and should die and couldn’t possibly understand the TRAUMA of seeing your fictional representation in fear for her life and having love be equated with pain (while being a DOMESTIC ABUSE VICTIM WHO HAD LITERALLY BEEN IN FEAR FOR HER LIFE WHERE LOVE=PAIN.)

1. not true.

2. invalidating the trauma and experience of domestic abuse.

3. Silencing and re-victimizing the victim, not just denying the abuse happened but then adding to the abuse.

So like they attacked JB for being sexist, and then go after him for what they perceive as his weakness/character flaw. being black. They try to silence him (to which he’s like, no i don’t think so) and destroy his character by making him the villain. Using his race as the weapon.

I mean. I mean. What could they be thinking?

Why would they say shit like that?

So, I don’t have a very good opinion of fandom. Some of fandom is fantastic. There’s no where else I can talk about my super geeky love of literary analysis and symbolism in freaking science fiction and fantasy (my literary nerds don’t get genre stuff and my sff nerds are not really interested in the literary analysis obsession.) It has been a delight and a privilege to be able to con y’all into doing academic literary analysis for fun, like I enjoy. I mean. It’s not a con. I tell you what I’m doing, let’s call it a “seduction.” lol. It’s also great to find people like you especially if you’re in a place where you dont’ have a supportive community. It’s amazing for creativity and fanworks.

BUT fandom can be like a pack of hyenas. People who want power flock to this world, the internet anonymity, the power to gatekeep, the lack of self freaking reflection, this misapprehension that they can create canon to fit their preferences and fancies and whatever they say is real, and the fandom that shouts the others down the loudest is the one who gets to say what canon means.

To that I say POPPYCOCK!

Canon is canon, bitch. You dont’ get to control it because you have the biggest girl gang with the fastest hot rod. This is not Grease.

Those people attacking JB, being racist? They may think their ad hominem attacks give them control over him (like they thought calling me demon gave them control over me [hint: it didn’t]) but what it really does is reveal their OWN lack of character.

First it makes it obvious that they can’t separate fantasy from reality.

Second it shows their obsessions are out of control. (take a break kids)

Third it shows that they cannot discuss canon or argue their point with logic or evidence so they resort to non-relevant personal attacks, which means that either their position HAS no evidence to support it or they are not good enough at debating to defend their argument.

Fourth it shows THAT THEY ARE RACIST!!!! You don’t use a person’s race to drag them unless you think that race is inferior. A person’s race is not a character trait, y’all. This attitude is RACIST. and if you didn’t mean to be racist but went along with the loudest voices who are racist... YOU ARE STILL RACIST. Maybe not in the lynching way. Maybe just in the Nice White Lady (NWL) way, which is STILL RACIST. Those are the kind of people who think black people should stay in their place and sit on the back of the bus and say please and thank you when people are being racist to them, and always consider their NWL feelings when criticizing them because no one should ever make them feel sad for being racist. Not that they want to STOP being racist, just that they don’t want to feel sad about it so please don’t mention their racism, and while we’re at it, don’t disagree with them. Please and thank you, oh aren’t you a nice POC. You’re one of the nice ones.*

Listen. Fandom may be fun and we may feel like we’ve found a home here, but do not EVER be uncritical of fandom. It IS NOT a safe place. Not only can you be the target of racism and harassment and abuse and targeting, but you can also be the victim of people who are intentionally trying to manipulate you into following them and their agenda. Maybe their agenda is just to have more followers who love them, but maybe their agenda is to spread their toxic ideas and destabilize the very communities that are supportive to people who are marginalized.

To be truthful, watching the Star Wars fandom become this toxic clusterfuck ever since TFA came out was what made me realized my experience in fandom wasn’t personal or isolated, but was in fact a FEATURE of fandom, not a bug.

Y’all life does not have to be like that. And neither does fandom.

*this is sarcasm. NWLs expecting niceness when people are racially oppressed IS STILL RACIST.

#ugh

3 notes · View notes

medschoolash · 5 years

Note

the reactions to got s8 are rlly making me realize how entitled fans have become. now everytime canon doesn't satisfy every one of their whims they're ready to cry bad writing. everyone thinks they're so smart when most of them couldn't even write a script. i've even seen a dumbass redditor proposing to boycott hbo and force them to remake this season like ppl wanted to with the last jedi. i'm tired.

facts

the entitlement shows so much these days. I love making theories and speculating and analyzing characters but at the end of the day the only things I need answered by the writing to be content is “Does it make sense for the plot?” and “Does it also make sense for the character?”. If the answer to those things is Yes then there isn’t a writing flaw to me. The problem a lot of people have is they latch on to plots in their heads and think that’s the ONLY plot that makes sense. The worse mistake they make is with characters tho. Got fans love to write mountains of meta on characters and their nuance but when it actually comes to down to it they consistently strip them of their nuance when what they see doesn’t suit their headcanons.

These days any bad decision made by a character is “wow look at the bad writing” instead of maybe just maybe character X is being motivated by situation Y so they do Z. You see it so much when it comes to discussions about Dany and Jon.

There was this big hoopla about DnD saying Dany forgets about the iron fleet and talking about how Dany’s terrible strategy decision making is terrible and makes no sense when of you just paid an ounce of attention and thought about it, it makes perfect sense for plot and character.

Literally anything that deviates from what they expect is “look at this writing! look at this assassination” it’s also funny when you consider the fact that we’ve had the same writers the entire series. GRRM wasn’t writing the early episodes he HELPED, the majority of that was still done by the people they swear can’t write anymore. People sit on her and pick apart every single thing and swear they care and understand more than the people who have dedicated their lives to something for 10 years now. People feel entitled to their narratives and their narratives only and everything else is trash.

Most of these people have no clue how to balance creating a TV show from a book while managing a massive cast and a very convoluted and complex story. This is demonstrated every day by some of the “superior” writing suggestions people give on here that make zero sense and would make shitty television but since it’s their personal wish fulfillment it’s clearly the better idea than what we got.

This all comes from fans who swear they are smart as hell and could see nuance in a glance but then act like they have to be force fed every part of a narrative that’s outside of their personal expectations in order for it to make sense.

And don’t get me started on this sudden idea that plot and character and inherently opposed to each other and clearly character should take precedent. The way people disparage narrative decisions for the sake of plot, which is literally something you MUST do with writing or else you’re entire story is a massive disjointed and aimless collection of random character studies is so odd.

They are like “ugh plot dictates that person must do X even tho the character I personally think they would do Y instead so clearly this writing decision is terrible and makes no sense” not realizing that any given moment if you have a well written character there are 15 different things they can do or say that make sense for them and the ONE thing they do end up doing usually always serves the plot in some way, whether it be short term or long term.

take the Arya and Sansa plot from last season that people hate. Could Arya have handled her reunion with Sansa differently? Sure, I can think of about 5 other ways it could have gone. Was the way she handled it against her character? Not at all if you actually view Arya as a multidimensional character with her own feelings and past that still influence her connection to other people especially the sister she held a contentious relationship before they were separated. The way arya handled her reunion with Sansa did stick to her character even tho it deprived a lot of fans of the instant stark sister fluff AND it served the plot as well. That’s solid writing even if you didn’t get what you personally wanted at the end of the day. Fans need to realize that every writing decision isn’t about their personal wish fulfillment, if it was that would literally be fanservice which is something everybody claims to hate. Which is the problem here.... everybody want’s their own version fanservice from a story and arrogantly think that their version of that fanservice is the only valid version of a narrative that can possible be written. It’s entitlement, arrogance, and delusion at it’s peak when you think about it.

Look at the way people swear up and down the lack of stark bonding makes no sense when it actually makes a whole lot of sense of you get over your personal desire to see Stark bonding. These characters aren’t fluffy characters anymore, they have their own pasts and mental struggles that will bleed through every interaction. Suddenly being back home with your family members isn’t gonna erase that just because it’s your family. In some ways it makes it even harder, I mean you only have to look at Jon to see a good example of this. Yet with all this going on people still can’t seem to grasp why the Starks don’ sit around the heart tree and laugh and cry about the old days and reflect on their parents and all they’ve lost together all episode before they leave the Godswood as the perfect wolf pact that operates with one mind and consciousness. Instead of getting that instead entitlement overrides all and makes people believe not getting stark fluff in the middle of life or death with all the pressures they have going on it such bullshit and terrible writing. It all goes back to the belief that their version is the only valid version and there is no other alternative.

Ultimately tho I feel bad for a lot of people. They are ruining their own experience and nothing can stop them. I have plenty of things I would LOVE to see, things that I think would make sense, but I’m not delusional enough to think that I can figure it all out myself and I’m not arrogant enough to think that I already have, so I watch and digest, critique what I’m not sure of or uncomfortable with, mock what I think is funny, and enjoy what I think worked even if it wasn’t what I expected. To me this makes for a much more pleasant viewing experience that what a lot of other people seem to have going on.

#answered #got commentary #this is all over the place but yeah #fandom commentary #Anonymous

8 notes · View notes

almarchive · 5 years

Text

hello, its nora n this is the ethereal but spoiled alma olive putnam. she goes by all 3 names cos she’s pretentious as fuck. raised in a farmhouse in vermont, never really had to work for anything in her life and doesn’t want to. studying class civ cos she thinks it makes her sound smart, but actually hates fuckin latin and just loves learning about feckless hedonism and the festivals of bacchus. was expelled from princeton in her first year so her parents basically paid her way into lockwood. loves the smell of libraries and listening to french music from a tinny record player in knee socks. bio is below the cut, like this post to be bombarded with plotting messages. i might forget tho so pls message me x

application template.

( elle fanning / cis-female ) haven’t seen ALMA OLIVE PUTNAM around in a while. the ELLE FANNING lookalike has been known to be TENACIOUS & MAGNETIC, but SHE can also be FANCIFUL & DOUBLE-CROSSING. The 20 year old is a SOPHOMORE majoring in CLASSICS. I believe they’re living in FIDELIS but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nora. 23. gmt. she/her. )

aesthetics.

a red beret nestled on top of bright platimum locks, neck scarves tied around your throat the way they do it in french new wave films, running barefoot through the woods in feckless hedonism, china dolls with porcelain faces lined against the walls of your room, the mona lisa smile, knee-socks tugged over the hockey grazes on your knees, a forged botticelli drying on your easel, ophelia floating in the middle of a lake.

connection to tatiana & did they choose her name during the watershed?

alma saw her as academic competition and a threat to her de jure throne. in freshman year, tatiana got the role alma auditioned for in a university production. she’s disliked her ever since. alma abslutely chose tatiana’s name, and she’d do it again without hesitating. [that vine voice] I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH

the short form.

— born in vermont in a big old farmhouse. her great-great-grandfather moved to america as an immigrant and worked on a plantation, made his way up cos he could speak a lot of languages and therefore win more people over. for the last two generations, putnam men have owned the farm and do little of the dirty work. big in the meat industry.

— both her parents had large personalities, so alma’s never really been shy around adults, even as a kid she’d speak to them in a forthright, confident manner, and because she was always surrounded by adults, she’s always seemed a bit wise beyond her years. — very much a consolidation of every character in the secret history. has a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs. obsessed with w.h. auden and the beat poets. — ”aestheticism is the only thing worth pursuing and even that is pointless” — is majoring in classical civilisation. can read ancient greek and latin. also speaks french. — studies hard and plays hard. she gets top marks but it’s because academia is literally her life, she loves the smell of libraries, the ancient smoke of learning, of feeling like old wine in a new bottle reincarnated from the bones of some old, dead witchy woman who invented a cure for cowpox or somethin. — isn’t a foward-planner, however. alma prefers to leave her options open, play the field, live in a spontaneous manner so her study style is mostly cramming a few days before a test, or staying up all night writing an essay on a massive adrenaline boost powered by red bull or probably adderall, scribbling (or typing) furiously into the night. — pretentious motherfucker. loves poetry, especially the romantics, loves morbid ones too, edgar allen poe, sylvia plath, allen ginsberg, she just loves them all. can’t get enough. her favourite films are like…. wanky artfilm independent european cinema. especially french new wave. “what do you think of goddard’s work??” while snorting a line off someone’s sink at 5am on a school night, but you can bet she’ll make it to that 9am class. — very intelligent and beautiful and knows both of those facts. plays devil’s advocate. humanitarian, vegan. — judgemental but takes great care not to appear so. petty and vindictive — just wants to be loved by all. a party girl ; doesn’t rlly enjoy it, jst feels she should enjoy it. — tries to be an enigma. wants to be mysterious and unreadable because that’s what books have taught her makes women desirable and interesting and cool. — obsessively devours mystery and thriller novels. she herself is a gillian flynn book waiting to happen. — act like the flower but be the serpent under it. is a user. manipulative. leads people on. will throw another student under the bus to demonstrate her own intelligence and integrity — heavily involved in the theatre society. loves attention. — has an addictive personality. seems unable to do anything in a small dose, she has to let it utterly consume her. with sports, she’s fiercely competitive, runs track, played lacrosse at school, now is a cheerleader probably. with alcohol, it’s never a shot, it’s a whole bottle – wine or whiskey – she’ll be table dancing before the night’s up and making out with someone she’ll regret in the morning. — her clothing style is like…. vintage thrift store but make it preppy. berets and cute hats, neck scarves, large fluffy cardigans or like those leathery jackets with big suede fringes on them, mini skirts (very 70s), and knee-high socks or boots. quite often she’ll be in sports kit, maybe a cute tennis skirt, n when she’s feeling casual she’ll wear like, a talking heads tshirt with a pair of mom jeans and converse, but otherwise, the library is her catwalk. — relates to ophelia from hamlet and sibyl vane in dorian gray. weirdly obsessed with women who commit suicide. loves jackson pollock paintings and abstract art. – likes old things. old books, old music, old houses, it reminds her of happier times like when she wasn’t alive. buys all her music on vinyl and has a gramophone because “the sound quality is better” kfdsjj.

plots.

here are some generic wanted plots but by all means message me so we can flesh them out more if any strike ur interest:

study buddies !! someone who is equally unprepared and so spends all night in the library with alma before a big deadline, maybe they even met in the library

if they’re from new england or vermont, then cousins . second cousins / extended family / family friends – probably spat volavons on your character once as children, omg childhood friends !

people who live on the same floor and only know each other from brief interactions in the lift or the canteen

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! former best friends separated by sporting or academic rivalries !

hockey / cheer friends who are on other teams but who she absolutely loves playin against!!!

fellow academics who like meeting up to discuss latin and greek ! gimme a secret society bonding by their love of ancient learning

i reckon she’s in a lot of societies, definitely the film club, maybe works as a projectionist at the uni cinema if they have one so give me ppl affiliated with that, give me fellow wanky pretentious art-lovers and poets and historians who will go to museums and galleries with her and listen to the velvet underground on vinyl

people she gets mortally fucked off her tits with at parties

people who think she is throwing her academic potential away by caving to hedonistic impulse

people she has drunkenly made out with, hooked up with, or regularly sleeps with casually, maybe even a friend w benefits she is repressing feelings for, i love angst,

people she used to date or unrequitedly likes, but to them it’s just a physical thing, give me all the thirsty angst plots, and maybe some softness too, i need some religion in this girls life, she is a roman catholic after all

full biography.

alma olive putnam.

intro.

the girl is a knife. razor-sharp, double-edged, the bright shine of a two-faced, lovely thing. silver like the secrets you magpie thief from other heads. you’re a scavenger of knowledge, of tidbits, of gossip to lock away for later use and late-night re-inspection. a mind is like a clock if you get to learn the pieces. bit by bit, you dismantle the inner workings of the brains that tick around you – how easy it is to change it’s path, how words and their meanings can make a person laugh or cry in an instant. to have the power to control that is to be a god. it’s the power trip you crave wielding pom-poms in your hands; a possessive need for control that a younger you, small and weak, never had as a child. small lips, smaller smile, a doll clutched in your too-hungry fingers, hard enough to shatter the bones of a real infant. you cut your hair with your mother’s kitchen scissors before the autumn falls, rendering you out of season, unfit for the cold weather that beats against the nape of your neck, where a stick-and-poke marks the star you were born under ; the bull. “mama, when will i be a queen?” as soon as they find a crown small enough not to slip from your head.

biography.

if you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. hands red, stained by pomegranate seeds, the empty pulp of its shell splattered on your thighs you find yourself wondering – what would it be like to want? in the beginning, you never knew hunger. twins, born under the same star, you first, him second – a nuclear family. never a sister to compete with, you were always the cherry pie of your parents’ hearts. white-haired, blue-eyed, beautiful baby of mine. the townhouse in vermont and the summer house in lyon, you wanted for nought, showered with attention, saddled with gifts - hardly a wonder you came to rely on such affection as a confirmation of your own worth.

at eight years old you first met death, blood on a gingham-print dress, a smear of it over your cheekbone and the pulp of a mangled animal at your feet murdered by the hands of a stable boy. “alma, my precious baby, you get away from that filth,” your mama would cry from the upstairs balcony – cigar in one hand and a bloody mary in the other – though whether the filth she referred to was the dead pig or the boy with a kernel of corn in his mouth, you never did find out.

your family earned their keeps in farming, great-grandfather wolfgang hildegarde a german immigrant, great-grandmother maura lisbon a prairie girl. they fell hopelessly in love between troughs and pig-shit, working for three dollars a day at a farm their descendants would later own, trade deals with the indians, vacations to calcutta, your father todd putnam in the kind of sheepskin coat his father’s father could only dream of owning. he worked hard so that you’d never have to. your mama once asked – you heard it through the window, rounding cartwheels across the picket-fenced lawn – could he not find a respectable career rather than selling shrink-wrapped pork for a dime a dozen? that blood money had no business raising a child. you look far back enough, edie, your father had said in his low, strong voice that could bring a civil war to silence, and i think you’ll find that all money is blood money.

language was never fickle on your tongue, french dinner time talk by the time you were out of your hush puppy shoes, your mama fixing the au pair a smile as she fixed herself another martini. you learned the clarinet at four and how to dance with the grace of a swansong at six, ethereal under a spotlight, an audience captive in the palm of your hand. by eight you knew that you’d always been destined to be loved. loved so hard they would want to taste you, bite into the soft plump of your cheek and eat you alive. that was how magnetic you wanted to feel. but mother hamsters eat their own young when penned in together too long, and soon you became too wild, too restless, another package on your father’s delivery invoice, box-shipped out to english boarding school.

fitting in had never been something you had to concern yourself with. you were always the shiny new toy the other girls wanted to play with, bright like a dropped coin from a magpie’s beak. wherever you went, you seemed to leave a trail of awe, pig-tailed harriet’s adoring you, imitating you, teachers forgiving your class-time chatter for the sake of your wild heart and the restless spirit you possessed. tell us what it’s like in the states, alma. they’d coo, enamoured by your hollywood drawl. does your father own a gun? you hardly knew. barely even knew the colour of his hair, for the scarce amount of times he’d stoop to kiss your cheek, though you’d tell silver-tongued tales if it’d guaranteed you an audience. when you learned how to smile at the right times, and that flattery would get you everywhere, it soon became apparent that charm would pave the yellow brick road to success even when your lack of drive couldn’t.

the road you followed – gum-snapping, roller-blading, friendship bands all up your arm – eventually led you to small-town fame. bright-eyed and gingham skirted, you’d always known you were more. there was a hunger in you to be something extraordinary, a want so adamant to be imagined and desired that it was almost savage. in leather-bound volumes and a circle of stones, you were helen of troy, the girl for whom they’d launch a thousand ships. but there’s so much rage within you, collecting like sawdust in cavernous parts. hockey helped. there was something grounding about the feeling of a stick clasped in your hands. sweat. stiff knuckles. feet pounding the earth. the smash of wood against flesh in the scram of a game, passed off as mere enthusiasm. “slipped, sorry.” hockey is the one thing you had that was yours alone – a feral instinct that motivates you to play; something primitive within you that sparks an energy like no other. on the pitch, you feel alive.

#water:intro #i promise i didn't rip this character out of dare me or the secret history

15 notes · View notes

voidcat · 4 years

Text

– The Calm of the Night

Characters: Bokuto Koutarou/reader

Word Count: 2k

Genre: fluff, established relationship

requested by anon, I rlly needed (to write) that ty for requesting this!!

Lying down on the bed, you listen to the silent calling of the city.

It feels quiet, too quiet. Almost like the calm before the storm. You suppose, in a way it is the calm before the storm, the nationals approaching fast and steady. The day waited by many has come already.

Closing your eyes, you try to imagine what your friends must be feeling like right now, what they’re doing. Are they up making plans, deciding on strategy? Watching videotapes of the team they will be going against tomorrow? Hugging your Nemo plushy to your chest tighter, you wonder how Bokuto must be feeling, picture him sitting down with the others, discussing. He’s probably standing, making too many gestures as he speaks, plotting what moves to use, what strategy to follow…

The calm of the night time is disturbed with a ding. Reaching for your phone blindly, you hear a knock on the door. So you get up and walk, phone clutched in one hand, looking for another object to use for defense in case of an emergency. As you tiptoe to peep through the hole, another notification from your phone startles you. Glaring down at it, only for your shoulders to ease when you see the name, you open the door to the one and only Bokuto Koutarou.

He looks guilty for waking you up that late and opens his mouth to say something, probably an apology. Shushing him with a finger on his lips, you close the door and grab his hand, dragging him to your bedroom. Because you don’t need an apology or an explanation. Not when you see the look on his face, not when you see his eyes. They tell it all.

Silent steps in sync, he goes to sit on your bed as you put your phone down. When you turn to him, you see his gaze examining each object in your room, eyes going from one place to another, never staying still; as if it’s his first time here. Resting your hands on your desk and leaning back against it, you watch the fascinated look of his with a smile to match his. You can’t help but wonder what must be going through his head now, what memories each object must be bringing. Once he is done, his eyes land on yours and you swear you see the light in them only get brighter.

“You have made few changes since the last time I came.” He says in a whisper. Pushing yourself off the desk, you start walking to him. Placing your hands on his shoulders, you let your weight make the both of you fall back on the bed. “The last time you came, we were studying. There were books everywhere.” Before you can position yourself to rest your head on his chest, he straightens with you in his arms and lies down on the bed properly. Maybe a pillow or two to support your heads isn’t such a bad idea.

Now lying, in his arms, it feels much better. Yet his attention seems to be focused elsewhere. “You still keep him around?”

You reach for the Nemo plushy. “Of course. He keeps me company whenever you can’t.”

He mumbles a silent ‘sorry’. Placing him aside, you wrap your arm around him. “Don’t be. It’s impossible to be together all the time. Plus what would poor Nemo do if you were by my side 7/24? He would be lonely too.”

“I’d have no choice but to bring the one I have back home then.” A smirk can be heard and felt from his words.

With that you snuggle to him further and listen to his heartbeat. It sounds as relaxing as ever. It sounds like home. You can’t help but wonder if your heartbeats are as in sync as your footsteps. They must be.

As time goes and no more words are exchanged, the vague ticks of your watch reach your ears once in a while, you let yourself get lost in the embrace. Having moments like this is not rare for you maybe, but you like to savor each and every.

The wind gets quieter and your heartbeats get louder together, you try looking up to his face. It proves to be difficult from your position, all the movement you’ve made in the process gathering Bo’s attention. No more getting curious whether he has fallen asleep or not.

“What’s on your mind?”

He is the first to ask though you are dying to know how he feels. “Nothing much, just thinking about you.”

“Thinking about me?” The smile in his voice evident, you can sense him move a little. “What for? I’m right here.”

“I know. I want to find out what goes in here-“ you stroke over his heart lightly “and here.” Another light touch you leave over his head.

Reaching over to hold your hand, he plants a kiss on the back of it, then inside your palm. He guides your hands his chest, his hand resting atop yours. “If this is an alternative way of asking about tomorrow, I feel as usual as the day before any match, I suppose.” You hum back in response and listen to his breathing.

When Bokuto speaks again, it takes you a few seconds to answer. A second to realize he’s talking to you, another second you realize it’s a question and a third one to focus on the question itself, only to hear nothing. You must’ve missed it. “Huh? Can you repeat that?”

He lets out a short giggle, the vibration of his chest shaking you too. “I was asking how you were feeling. You seemed to doze off too much nowadays.” A soft smile appears on your face, even now he worries more about you than himself, his team and his game.

“I guess with time passing so fast and Nationals around the corner, I’ve grown more and more worried of the future.”

He doesn’t respond immediately and you don’t expect him to. Just laying down with him, in the dead of the night, away from everything and everyone. It feels like a getaway from life, time feels it has stopped, all your worries have flied off your head; until your boyfriend asks about them of course.

It is left unsaid but it hangs in the air. “You can talk about it if you’d like to. You can tell me what has been causing these worries and we can find a solution to them, take a first step in ending them.”

Even when he’s the one who should be worried, stressed, restless or afraid; he still puts them aside to worry about you and for you. It reminds you once again how big and made of gold his heart is. Despite the goofy air he has about him on the daily; seeing him, watching him and being in presence of him brings you hope; hope for what’s to come, hope for humanity.

He feels out of this world, a hero from storybooks and the old tales you were told all these years ago.

“It must be the people around me I’ve seen recently. How some of our friends have started breaking up because they don’t think they can make it work when they go to separate colleges.” Bokuto quirks an eyebrow at that, something you don’t need to see to know it is happening. “And some people I’ve talked to before, for career choices. How sad and miserable they’d sounded when they told me they picked something they loved for their jobs, only to grow to hate it. You should’ve seen their faces or heard them speak, it was heartbreaking.”

“Maybe it’s the thought of falling out of love with something in the future that worries me.” You add lastly, barely in a whisper.

His first response to your words is to tighten his arms around you, deepen the embrace in a ‘I’m-here-for-you’ way. You can feel the warmth spread from his chest to yours with the gesture, a temporary consolation but it works for now. You return the action by burying your face to his chest.

“If your concern includes us, please do not get worked up and worry yourself over that. Just because some people around us have fallen out doesn’t mean we will too.” You think of replying back “I know that too.” But you don’t find it in you to open your mouth, move your tongue and make the words come out. And so continues Bokuto.

“We love one another and know it too. Few meters or kilometers wouldn’t make a difference, for we carry one another in our hearts.” This time, you tighten your hold of him and nod a few times, to show that you believe and know this fully. He lets out a soft laugh at the sudden movement by his side.

“Well, maybe physical touch can become a problem. But not one we cannot work around. Our love was never physical to begin with after all.” His words providing a much needed comfort and a reminder. "And do not pay attention to those who have sulken?? within their jobs. It is never out of your hands to take the charge, to let it stay as joyful as the first day or become mundane.” After that the two of you fall back into silence, this time it’s calm and welcoming, just like his scent.

As time passes and the night grows tired, his heartbeats indicate he is lying awake still. Clearing your throat, you decide to speak up. “I will wish you good luck in formality tomorrow but not mean it, just so you know.”

As you wait for a change in his behavior or a response, nothing rises out of him. Taking it as a cue of waiting, you continue speaking.

“Because I know you will give it your all. You don’t need such a thing as luck, when you are you and have this amazing team to play with side by side.” He kisses the top of your head, as you finish your sentence. You can feel your smile get wider and feel his in the kiss.

Rolling over, you break free of his arms and open the top drawer of your nightstand. “However, this does not mean I didn’t make a little something for tomorrow.” Putting the little braided keychain in his hand, you leave a kiss on his lips. He tries kissing back a second too late as you draw back, which results with him kissing the air. This erupts a muffled laughter from the both of you.

As he raises it in the air to examine, you lean on one arm and watch his face.

Once done examining and putting it inside his pocket, Bokuto turns to face you fully. “Something tells me it’s more than just a little something ‘for my game tomorrow’.”

“It’s a piece of me too. Or, a piece from me. For the future to come, be it together or not.”

“The future we will live to the fullest, together. The only way I am accepting this is as a promise. The promise of a future that awaits the both of us. A life time to spend side by side. No ‘falling-out-of-love’s,-“ As you open your mouth to mumble a reply, he holds your free hand with his. “-no ‘but’s. Give me this one promise and let us worry for the future together. We can worry for the yeast we prepared not being good enough or for eating too many eclairs. We can worry about midterms and matches that await us and laugh them off once we are done with them… How does that sound instead?” His smile never falters as he speaks, eyes shining like two bright stars guiding the lost ones in the woods, like a lighthouse showing the way to sailors. The same caring eyes, seems to be holding the same warmth when you first saw them; yet it feels the intensity only keeps multiplying, redefining its own limits, shining brighter than ever.

“Sounds like a better worrying scenario than mine.” Leaning over to steal another kiss, one he does not miss this time, you fall back into the comfort of his arms. With the blink of an eye, you fall into deep slumber together, not even the dreams separating your minds and hearts.

110 notes · View notes