#if y’all couldn’t tell…I’m anti Dean | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dotthings · 3 years

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The gaslighting needs to stop. Systemic power imbalanced in the tv industry are real. Network interference is real. Erasure and unkindness towards marginalized characters is real.

I’m more on the canon analysis end of things personally, but I assure you the fans trying to figure out WTF happened here and account for stuff that objectively, even the people more skeptical acknowledge is weird and points back towards network interference, try to debunk their own theories. They are telling you that, they are transparent about their information, if you don’t feel like playing detailed murder wall, then don’t, but to deny there is a very very real power imbalance behind the scenes that hurt marginalized characters and fans, and hurt the story, is toxic. Stop it.

Things like the Spanish dub and people who have worked on the show coming out of the woodwork to support Destiel should be a clue. Latin America believes it’s a mutually requited love story, canon confirmed from both sides, because that is what aired on a big tv network there. And watch out for that US-centric thinking that somehow thinks this doesn’t count. (Also plot twist: the US is the restrictive market. Wake up).

My wheelhouse is more canon analysis so I’m going to say now that the gaslighting about canon, about aired canon, about confirmed canon, about implied canon, seems to me a whole lot of toxic detached-from-reality hand waving so hard to still, STILL!!--try to deny the validity of Destiel. I’m glad some of y’all think this is merely hilarious, and after not showing up and not being supportive and not sticking your neck out at all to protect Destiel shippers from bullying, you came back just to eat the popcorn because it amuses you and I’m supposed to think that’s pro-Destiel supportive or something, or it’s people who have no horse in the race who just want fandom entertainment so everything’s a joke while they reinforce the exact attitudes that let this kind of systemic oppression perpetuate and get away with erasing marginalized voices in the tv industry, in fandom, in stories. Nice work, people. Your holier-than-thou attitude is real convincing.

Then there’s the people trying to convince everyone it’s convincing to play false equivalency cha-cha and as if people only see this as canon due to a) 1 slash joke b) they stared at each other that one time c) drapes. Because old school fans are so proud that in their day, nobody wanted their queer ships to be canon and Destiel is just like *insert whatever slash ship of the past that had about 1/10th of the loud textual material and canon development Destiel has*. You want to try to argue against the epic nature of the text on Dean and Cas, hey give it your all, but it’s not going to hold up. If I started listing off the immensity, things that are textual plot points, it would be a 3,000 word essay. Stop playing false equivalency. Stop trying to artificially yank this back into the past because you can’t handle the textual validity of Destiel.

Deal with the fact that this is not an easily classifiable situation.

Even if in the end the same old systemic crap stifled its full due, and that’s the part that is tiresome, Dean and Cas deserve better than have their actual canon content demeaned.

After the story we have seen. After 12 seasons of deep-dive development. After Cas was finally openly confirmed as queer, and in love with Dean, in the final season, 2 episodes from the end, and Misha echoed it, and from Dean’s side, because full confirmation on Dean’s side is being held down, Jensen protected a romantic reading, protected people’s right to see Dean as in love with Cas not having a chance to speak his heart. Protected the right to that reading within the ambiguity that he knows is as far as the canon was able to take it. After the ship became canon confirmed as at least unrequited love story. Whether Jensen ships it or not, he has been very loudly and openly protective of fan readings and has been very openly excited about 15.18 and the handprint, he knows this is a great story and he’s been openly excited about how excited and joyful fans were about that episode.

But what we have seen on our screens, what the story told us, transcends the muzzles placed on it. What we have seen is a mutually requited love story. We already saw in action how Dean loves Cas. We are left with, in the end, the silencing of Dean Winchester. Gosh I wonder why the silencing of Dean Winchester. Why was it necessary. Why was he not even permitted to speak at all, to anyone, to confide about how he even felt about Cas’s love confession. Why did Jensen have to do the heavy lifting to meta it for us. Why did Cas have to be left fully out of the series finale on a show he was so key on for 12 seasons, as a 3rd lead. Why is that? Because the only thing the creative team would ever be allowed to do by corporate is friendzone it and they didn’t want to friendzone it.

So we are cursed with ambiguity from Dean’s side. And if the series finale had done better by Dean’s story, including his death, and by Cas’s story (instead of shoving him out of sight), if it hadn’t erased Eileen and Saileen, if it hadn’t failed Sam’s story, if it hadn’t been a regressive, awkward mess, most shippers would have accepted ambiguity if Dean and Cas has been given at least the respect of a reunion, if Dean had at least been given the chance to partially speak even if it couldn’t be removed from ambiguity. But the system was too scared of it. It had to be held down and muffled hard.

It was yanked out of the story artificially in ways that don’t match Destiel’s narrative importance before the series finale and don’t match 12 seasons of storytelling. It’s artificial. It is a silencing. And it shows.

That sudden silence was a scream.

"The writers” were for it. “The writers” wanted to tell that story even if network interference prevented it. Some of us were gaslighted and smeared and bashed just for pointing it out, and we turned out to be right.

DESTIEL IS CANON. And the parts where fans still have to rely on interpretation for have ample, AMPLE, story evidence and external evidence--that has nothing to do with deeper dive murder walls, it has to do with support shown, and confirmed information--all point to a mutually reciprocated love story.

How many more times do shippers have to be proven right before people stop this. I was bullied for several seasons just for saying Destiel was a purposefully crafted a valid textual reading, by my own lane. For asserting it was a love story designed to dodge under network radar. I was bullied for years before that by antis, who didn’t like seeing people love this ship too much, who didn’t like that I refused to get down on my knees and label myself as delusional just for seeing it, for refusing to bow down and say “it’s only about 2 brothers so I am wrong to say Destiel matters too.”

The unkindness in this fandom over all this continues to be overwhelming. Get your shit together. You worship your favorite actors and then they show you up every time by being kinder and more open and understanding than fans manage to be. Jensen and Misha are showing you how to roll and people are ignoring it in favor of continuing to try to silence and demean Destiel shippers.

For Destiel shippers, don’t let all this gaslighting and shaming nonsense and the systemic corporate nonsense that wants Destiel silenced knock you off from your reading of canon. It was valid. It was real. Thanks to the magic of bleedback effect, now it was always textual, the subtextual has been transformed retroactively, and it’s from both Dean and Cas’s end. If you still feel doubt on Dean’s side, because we didn’t get the same loud explicit confirmation, go back to the text itself. If you believed it already for Cas, if Cas’s confession to Dean only validated what you already knew, why can’t you see it for Dean, because it’s already there.

#Jensen Ackles #Misha Collins #Destiel #The 15 Year Show #Castiel #Dean Winchester #i'm not burying this behind a wank tag #i need people to pay attention and not dismiss it as mere 'fandom drama' please

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stanknotstark · 3 years

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Odinson M.D. (Loki x reader) Pt. 1

I’m excited for this series honestly. I’m doing a lot of research so I write this medically correct tho, if yall see anything wrong don’t be afraid to tell me ^^

Summary: Y’all wanted a House AU so here it is. Loki is a doctor who keeps most people at bay with his sharp wit and sarcasm. He doesn’t understand the need for romantic ploys and casual human discussion. He thrives in the hospital, trying to figure out the unknown, even if his methods turn a bit morally ambiguous at times. That’s why he has Thor and Frigga to keep him in line although he would argue he has no need for it. You just happen to be a doctor on tenure under Loki’s tutelage along with Steve Rogers and Peter Parker. Can you convince the jaded doctor you’re just what he needs to keep him on his toes?

Loki feels the, what had started as pin pricks now, full blown boredom eating away at his overactive mind. He folds sticky notes, from his rolling chair, into small balls and flicks them over to his brother, Thor, who stands fiddling with a broken, plastic Santa sitting on the desk they hang around. Thor proudly wears his white lab coat on top of a nice plaid button down and brown, pressed slacks. Loki prefers to stick to his more casual clothes, if not a bit fashionable for casual, for a doctor. He wears a black cashmere sweater with gray, pressed slacks, a nice pair of oxfords to finish his style. It’s enough to keep him warm during the winter season.

Christmas, such a mainstream holiday. Loki abhors this season what with all the festive cheer and decorations that litter NYC. You can’t walk two feet without being guilted into giving money to the people who stand on corners with bells for the Salvation Army. You can’t buy something nice without a cashier smiling at you, as if all knowing, and asking who you’re giving this gift to with cheerfulness in their high pitched voices. What he especially hates is that Odin expects him to show up to the family dinner every Christmas, seeing as Thor has a wife and has to spend half his time with her family. Loki is the black sheep that’s expected to pick up where his brother has neglected. All in all, Loki would demolish this one holiday from existence if he had the even the slightest chance.

The only good thing about being a doctor was that meant he could get away from most of the holiday by working through it. He couldn’t always escape the dinners seeing as his mother, Frigga, was of administration and Dean of Medicine on his floor. Not only did that hinder him but his father owned the hospital, so he was at a disadvantage, if only by a bit.

“We are condemned to useless labor.” Loki sighs out, his fingers playing with another yellow sticky note, crushing it into a ball.

“Fourth circle of hell,” Thor replies with a roll of his eyes as a paper ball launches towards him, hitting him in the cheek before falling to the ground. “Charting goes a lot faster when you eliminate all classic poetry, brother.” Thor says lightly. A suggestive twitch of his lips all Thor gives to a bored Loki.

Loki takes time from making paper balls to look over at the pile of charts next to him, sitting on the clinic’s lobby desk, waiting for his attention. He’s sure if the charts came to life they would resemble a dog, desperate for attention, wagging its tail with excitement when he finally looks at it. “Writing down what we already know to be read by nobody,” Loki brings his attention back to making another paper ball, completely ignoring the fact that Thor had rolled his eyes so hard he probably has a headache. “Pretty sure Dante would qualify that as useless,” Loki says lightly, a frown on his lips.

“You’re two weeks behind on your charting!” Thor says with exasperation, stopping his fiddling with the Santa to look at Loki as if he had offended Thor personally.

Loki flicks another ball at Thor, however he misses his target and, it sails past Thor, hits Frigga on the chest whom had just walked into the clinic. She watches the paper fall to the ground, giving Loki a look of disappointment. The man gives his mother an innocent smile from his seat. “Oops! I missed.”

“Are you eight years old?” The poised woman asks with a squint in her eyes as she walks over to the side of the desk Loki and Thor reside at. She picks up one of Loki’s charts and reads it with flickering eyes.

“Could an eight year old do this?” Loki asks, catching Frigga’s eyes, and sticks his tongue out at his mother who rolls her eyes. What is it about Loki that causes everyone to roll their eyes? Something he’ll never get the answer to, not because he can’t but because he doesn’t care enough to find the answer when it’s so painfully obvious.

Loki’s mother lifts Loki’s chart, she had picked up, a little higher as if trying to garner Loki’s attention, after she had finished reading through it, and looks at him with frustration. “You have a patient in exam one, Loki.”

Loki settles further into the rolling chair, throwing the pad of sticky notes on the desk, bringing his hands together over his stomach and lacing his fingers. Loki embodies the epitome of comfort and relaxation. He shrugs. “Yes but see I’m off at twelve and it’s already five off...” He shakes his head minutely with a look that says ‘Not much I can do’. He’s rather hoping his mother will let him off the hook this one time. He knows she has a soft spot for him and takes full advantage of that. Thor remains quiet on the matter, playing with the plastic Santa that’s supposed to sing when you press its button.

“She’s been waiting for you since eleven.” Frigga says with finality. Setting his chart down, Loki swears he could hear a gravel slamming down, and then she leaves but not without a pointed look at Loki. This meant Loki isn’t getting away this time. He sits there with his lips pursed and a frown etched into his eyebrows as he watches her retreating form.

“Melancholy without hope, which circle is that?” Loki pointedly asks Thor who looks at him with a sympathetic look only causing Loki to scoff and rolls his eyes as he stands, grabs his cane, and makes his way towards exam room one.

Loki limps into the room, already conscientious about his gold and green cane, making sure it doesn’t hit the wall as he slips into the exam room.

Looking back Loki doesn’t regret the choices his made on the cane. The man liked attention from the right people. He hates most casual people seeing as he usually finds them boring, predictable, and the need for small talk not something he takes much joy from. The cane definitely stood out and was the starter of conversation for common man that passed him by, unfortunately. This wasn’t enough to make Loki regret his ostentatious picks on his cane though.

The cane itself is light but durable. The stabilizer at the bottom had four anti-slip feet, covered by a wide quad base, all black and shiny. The cane, in all its glory, was emerald green, specifically requested by Loki, and had snakes engraved in the metal base. The snake outline, repeated around the entire cane, were then dusted in gold and, shined pretty and proper when in the sun. The snakes that run from the bottom to the top, run up the cane with open mouths as if devouring the brethren that followed up the last snake. When they reach the top of the cane, the handle’s edge, they stopped. The handle itself was covered in pure gold. The inside of it was carbon so it was lighter to carry but still very durable. The handle was fashioned after the head of a Black Mamba. Sleek and slim but one of the deadliest, most venomous snakes in the world. A symbol of Loki’s true power, or at least that’s what he told anyone that asks. In all honesty, Loki had picked the Black Mamba head because he thought it looked cute. He had a reputation to uphold, however.

Loki pushes his way into the exam room to find three nuns, one on the medical bed with two nuns on each side. As he closes the door he turns his head so he may let his eyes go wide without the women seeing his exasperated look. He turns his head back after the door is closed and he reins in his emotions.

“Hi, I’m doctor Odinson,” Loki supplies the three women, setting his cane aside in the room and looking up at the women with a small tilt of his lips. “What seems to be the problem?” He asks the woman sitting on the bed.

“Show him your hands, Augustine,” One of the sisters demands of Augustine, the woman on the bed Loki tabs in his head.

As the woman shifts the cloth covering her hands Loki takes the time to pop a pain pill into his mouth, swallowing without water if only because he’s been taking them for years for his disability. The use of the word disability is new, seeing how he didn’t take to the word too kindly in the beginning. As of now, he has accepted it for what it is and calls it as it should be, a disability. Something that may hinder him but does not define who he is or ever shall be.

Sister Augustine lifts her hands in front of her and they shake a bit as she holds them out for Loki to examine. They look raw, red, and as if they’re wet but in reality it’s because they’re covered in an ointment and severe rash. They’re pruned as if they spent too much time in water. When she turns over her hands to show him the palms he notes that they’re also raw and red, but more so and bleeding probably from scratching.

“It looks like stigmata.” The sister on the right of Augustine needlessly announces to Loki, or possibly to no one in particular. The other sister on the left shushes at her. Loki has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at her remark. Of course this ignorant nun would condemn her sister for something as simple as an allergic reaction. She finds the rash to be a form of disgrace on her sister. Typical.

Loki steps forwards, his eyes on her hands, “Must be all the talk around the holy water cooler.” He lightly supplies the three sisters with a joke to break the tension that had risen from the sister’s remark of stigmata. His eyes come to rest on her hands and as he reaches up to hold them in his own says, “You been washing a lot of dishes lately?” Loki glances up at sister Augustine’s aloof face.

“I help out in the kitchen.” Augustine replies.

“Anything new in the kitchen?” Loki asks, trying to pinpoint what’s causing the rash.

“We just got a donation of pots and pans this week.” The nameless nun tells Loki which supplies Loki with an answer for her reaction. Dish soap, pots and pans wouldn’t have caused such a reaction.

“I unpacked and washed them.” Augustin gives Loki, trying to help him out.

“Should have spent your time saving souls,” Loki says, his natural sarcasm coming over him, “It’s easier on the hands.” He says with a face that could be taken as contrite but is actually irony. “This is contact dermatitis. You’re allergic to dish soap.” Loki tells the nuns, his mind bored with how easy this diagnoses is.

As Loki turns to write down his report in the chart one of the nameless nuns speaks up. “Nonsense! We’ve always used that soap, why would it be a problem now?” She asks Loki.

Loki lets his head tilt back as he looks at the ceiling with a playful look on his face. “I’ve been a doctor for years,” He looks at the nun who spoke up, “Why do I have to keep assuring people I know what I’m doing?” He asks rhetorically. Not only talking about the nuns, Loki thinks of the many times where he has had to convince his own mother, and brother, that he knew what he was doing, going so far as to proving it.

“A person can become allergic to substances they’ve had repeated and prolonged exposure to.” Loki explains, his eyebrow raising perfectly, as if asking if the sisters had any other remarks to make before he looks down at the chart for Augustine to write his report real quick.

Loki then makes his way to the cabinet and picks out a small box inside of it. “Good news is, free samples!” He gives a fake smile, and excited tone, to the nuns. “I’m giving you an antihistamine to stop the allergic reaction,” He explains his process. “Take one every eight hours, might make you sleepy, and get some over the counter Cortisone cream, for the itchiness.” Loki looks at sister Augustine to make sure she understood his words, nodding at her when she gives an understanding nod, then handing her two pills from the box he had pulled from the cabinet.

“Thank you, doctor.” Augustine says with a small smile and nod.

“Want me to get some water?” Loki asks the women.

“I have some tea!” A nameless nun says, grabbing her thermos and giving it to Augustine.

Loki nods at the nun and backs up to pick up the chart. “Relax for a minute, the pills work pretty fast.” Then he leaves the room thinking he is done for the day in the clinic, thank god.

Loki throws the chart on top of his other charts he had left on the desk with Thor, in the lobby, and sighs as he limps around the desk and to Thor’s side.

“Still out by twelve.” Thor says, more so to grate on Loki’s nerves than anything.

Loki lets it go but replies, “How do you solve the problem of dermatitis.”

“Doctor? I want to thank you for your patience.” A sister says interrupting the conversation Loki was about to have with Thor. One of the sisters from Augustine’s side now stands in the clinic’s lobby with Loki and Thor. Her face showing she genuinely means it.

Loki manages to give Thor a disparaging look when he asks, “She talking to you?” As if shocked Loki was getting any kind of compliment. Loki can’t fault him there, he isn’t used to getting compliments either. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t bask in it but it is a little uncomfortable.

“I don’t know, she’s certainly looking at me...” Loki says back to Thor, shifting his weight from foot to foot in discomfort. He turns, watches, as the sister makes her way over to him, standing a little over a foot away. Enough distance to be comfortable since she is a stranger but a little too close for Loki’s comfort anyways. He hates people, so physical, so sentimental.

“It’s so good to get a secular diagnosis.” The nun offers Loki with a gratified look on her face, her body swaying with her words like she really means them.

Loki feels the frown come over his face and he tilts his head down at the sister.

“The sisters tend to interpret their diagnosis as divine intervention.” The nun explains to a bewildered Loki.

“And you don’t?” Loki asks, his voice not betraying his confusion but it’s definitely there. This sister is very...different from regular nuns, he can already tell. Her ideologies being promulgated so plainly are leaving Loki in an almost disoriented state. “Then you’re wearing an awfully funny hat.” Loki says, his sarcasm coming out to hide his true feelings on this whole conversation. The sister merely tilts her head with a look that says ‘Very funny’.

“Oh boy.” Thor whispers behind Loki. Loki can feel him shifting as if he wants to escape this situation just as much as Loki. “Excuse me.” Thor says grabbing all his charts and reports so he may make a swift exit. Loki glances back at Thor, his face now shifting from its usual neutrality to a look of perplexity and a hint of longing as he wants to leave too. Loki looks back to the sister, hiding his emotions again as she speaks.

“If I break my leg I believe it happened for a reason. I believe God wanted me to break my leg,” The sister says, her face showing nothing short than utter earnestness that almost makes Loki gag. “I also believe he wants me to put a cast on it.” The sister finishes causing Loki’s lips to twitch upwards and forget his brief nausea. He likes her, something no one that truly knew him would take lightly.

“Doctor! Something’s wrong!” The other sister says loudly as she races into the lobby. This breaks the little moment the sister was having with Loki and he stands at attention.

They all make their way back to exam room one with hast in their steps and Loki’s limp.

When Loki enters the room he finds Augustine to be hunched over, rapidly breathing but the air is filled with wheezes as if she can’t get breath into her lungs. Loki quickly tabs this as an asthmatic attack but grabs his stethoscope and brings it up to her chest. “Lift up your chin.” He demands softly, letting the stethoscope land on her chest when she does and moves it from the left to the right side listening to her lungs and heart as she panically breathes in faster.

“Sister you’re having an asthma attack, I need you to relax,” Loki drops the stethoscope from her chest, taking it from his ears, and turns to the drawers in the room, “Roll up her sleeve, please.” He demands of the sister next to him. He quickly picks up an syringe from the drawer he opened and turns back to sister Augustine. “I’m going to give you epinephrine,” He explains. “It will open your lungs and help you breathe.”

Loki uncaps the shot, by mouth, and quickly sticks the sister’s arm, injecting the liquid components of the epinephrine into her upper arm with fluid movements as if he’s done this a thousand times before, because he has.

Loki looks up at sister Augustine to assess the situation. The cap of the needle still in his mouth which he lightly grinds around with his teeth, almost nervous but not quite.

Everything is quiet for a moment. Loki takes this time to remove the needle from the sister’s arm and replace it with a cotton ball which he presses to her skin with moderate strength to stop any blood flow that may have followed the intrusion.

“What happened?” One of the sisters ask.

Loki foregoes the answer to that question to ask his own, “Did she take the pill?” He looks at the sister next to him, the one that had warned him of the situation and had stayed behind with sister Augustine. The one that had called it stigmata.

“Yes.” She says in a tone that betrays confusion and defensiveness.

“It’s an allergic reaction.” Loki explains ignoring the sister’s emotions at his question.

“She’s allergic to an anti-allergy medicine?” The same sister asks in an incredulous tone now.

Sister Augustine sits there taking in small mouthfuls of air, as if she now understands breathing is a commodity. Her body is still hunched over as she grabs at the medical bed with a white knuckled grip. Loki looks at her sympathetically. “How are you feeling?” He asks thinking about what variations he can use to treat her allergic reaction on her hands now that the blood rushing experience is over. “I’ll put you on some steroids instead.” He decides out loud, capping the syringe he used and throwing it away in the designated red safety box.

“Is my heart supposed to be feeling so funny?” Sister Augustine asks breathlessly, Loki watching as she brings a hand up to grab at her chest.

“It’s called adrenaline, makes the heart beat fast.” Loki says flippantly but puts two fingers on her pulse point on her wrist just to check if it’s something worth looking into. Loki looks at Augustine with concern, his eyes flitting around the room in thought, “But not this fast.”

Sister Augustine takes in a deep breath, wheezing again.

“Get a nurse, please.” He tells one of the sisters in a calm but pressing tone.

Sister Augustine leans into Loki’s body with a whimper and he grabs her so he may lightly rest her on the bed in a supine position. He leans over her watching her and trying to figure out what’s wrong, what could possibly be causing this, and how to fix it, fast.

“Somebody help!” Loki hears the nun call outside the room.

His attention is diverted when sister Augustine passes out. He quickly puts the stethoscope in his ears and puts the diaphragm on her chest, checking for her heart beat first, then her lungs. There is no comforting beat to be heard and her breathing has completely stopped as if it never existed, pulling this situation from a simple allergic reaction to something far, far more serious than Loki had anticipated.

“Somebody get in here!” Loki yells out frustrated no one has answered their calls for help. Finally a nurse in blue scrubs comes in, realizing the situation is of immediate emergency and looks at Loki so she may help.

“Call a code and charge up the defibrillator, she’s got no pulse.” He says speedily, starting to perform CPR on sister Augustine. The nurse flees from the room in record time to grab a defibrillator and yell at someone to call a code blue.

Loki manages CPR for a few minutes until the defib team comes in and takes over. They only barely manage to bring sister Augustine back to life.

Loki stands at the doorway, the two other sister next to him praying, he bites at his thumb. His mind is racing with the need for an answer. What caused this? What was he missing? It’s an allergic reaction, there’s no doubt about that, nonetheless he can’t figure out why everything he tried sent her into further shock. She couldn’t possibly have been allergic to everything he gave her, antihistamine and epinephrine. There is a factor here that he doesn’t know about, something is missing, and he would figure it out if it was the last thing he did.

Loki barely glances at one of the sisters as they take a drink from a thermos before going back to saying their Hail Mary’s.

Tagging (because they showed interest for this series): @rosaline-black @blueberrynonnie

I won’t tag yall in any other posts unless you specify you’d like that! i just wanted you both to know i started it and if you’d still be interested 😊

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caffiine · 3 years

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A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS. I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being” but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back.

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you.

#supernatural #destiel #deancas #oh and #saileen #just to make sure theyre not forgotten #dean winchester #castiel #Misha Collins #jensen ackles #15x18 #15x20 #15x19 #i fucking guess #dean x castiel #casdean #castiel x dean #supernatural season 15

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swiftlymoniquesblog · 5 years

Text

Crossing Parallel Lines- Sam Winchester x Reader: Chapter 2

Warnings: Untrustworthiness (if that can even be considered a warning) Sam’s appearance and him being an asshole. He gets better soon enough ;)

Word Count: 954

A/N: Surprise! Here is chapter 2! I normally don’t post updates this quickly but y’all seem to be very excited for this series so here we go!

You can find chapter one here and find my masterlist here!

Requests are open and you ask me anything right here!

Crossing Parallel Lines tag list is open as well as my forever tag list!

-Monique

Sam’s POV

Dean told me he found a girl out in the middle of the woods as he went to check out a case and after he looked her over, he found blood coming from the back of her head; she hit her head pretty hard. He’s not sure where she came from but by the looks of it, this is another person we need to take care of. Don’t get me wrong, I want to help others but right now, is not a good time. I went into Dean’s room, where he had kept her, to check in on her. I assume she was asleep cause she didn’t say anything nor did she move a muscle. Curiosity got the best of me as I moved in closer to the bed and I was surprised at what I saw. She wasn’t wearing a shirt but was covered up except for right on the left side of her chest. Right where Dean and I have mine, she too, had an anti-possession symbol. I look down at the tattoo that looked exactly like ours but how was this possible? If she was a hunter, someone would’ve claimed her, told us she was working with them or we could’ve found out any information about her, but from the research Dean had me do when she first arrived here, she failed to exist.

When she came to again, it was Cas’ turn to watch over you her. He touched her forehead and she immediately looked a lot better than she did yesterday. He ordered her to remain in bed, as he needed to monitor how the healing serum would work with her system, so Dean took this as an opportunity to get to know her better. Her memory was still foggy but what we learned was her name is Y/N, she is Y/A years old and has a cat at home, but Dean reminded her about that one. In the back of my head, the anti-possession symbol she had tattooed over her heart and that was currently hidden under the sheets of Dean’s bed, were nagging me to ask her how it was possible for her to have one but not be a hunter. I kept shooting her questioning looks, thinking over who she could be but Dean elbowing me in the ribs brought my attention back to her.

“What?” I hiss at my older brother, keeping my voice low for I did not want Y/N to overhear.

“Would you quit staring at her like you wanna hurt her?” He whispered yelled back to me.

I look over to Y/N and see she was preoccupied with talking to Cas about angels and heaven so I take this as an opportunity to talk to Dean.

“I don’t trust this girl, Dean,” I say when he follows me out of the room.

“What? Why?” He questions, crossing his arms over his chest.

“There is no record of her anywhere,” I confess.

“So? Maybe she was abandoned as a child and is just trying to figure out her life as an adult.” Dean defends her so I know I have to tell him about my discovery.

“She has an anti-possession tattoo.” That shut Dean up for a minute. He seemed to be thinking over everything I just told him.

“So, she’s a hunter?” He asks.

I shake my head and say, “if she was, we’d find some sort of information out about her. Or someone would say she was working with them. But there’s nothing.”

“What does this mean then? Is a shifter or something?” Dean asks.

“I don’t know man, but it’s odd. Which is why I don’t trust her.”

“Sam, come on man, we’re all she has right now. Let’s just take this as a minor thing, not overthink anything, okay? I don’t want her out there on her own again; she’s not well.”

As much as I hate to admit it, Dean is right. She can’t go anywhere on her and as far as we know, we are the only people she has in her life. I don’t know where she came from or who she is but until she remembers, we’re stuck with a confused girl. But there was something that kept me from ever leaving her alone. Although, the only times I would go see her alone, was when she was asleep and that was quite often. I couldn’t face her when she was awake, because I knew she would be mad at me for always giving her judgmental looks. No, I really didn’t judge her for anything but I didn’t trust her either.

“Sam?” A voice said into the darkness of the room and I knew I was caught.

I slowly turn to look at her and feel my breath get caught in my throat. The way she is looking at me, even in the dark, I can see it clearly. It’s as though she is looking at me like she has seen me countless times before yet this is the second interaction, I’ve had with her since yesterday. I stay quiet and in the corner of the room, as far from her as I can possibly be with still being in the room.

“Why do you always come to visit me when I’m asleep?” She asks a small hint of sadness in her sweet voice. Wait, sweet voice? What am I even saying? She can’t be sweet; you don’t trust her, remember? I shake my head from the thoughts and proceed to answer her.

“Because I’m afraid I’ll be a disturbance for you and I know you need your sleep.” I lie through my teeth, leaving her completely in the dark about my suspicions.

Next Chapter

Forever tag list: @simpleboox

Crossing Parallel Lines tag list: @fandom-princess-forevermore @lilulo-12 @hunting-the-grievers @juju-la-tortue @grace15ella

#sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x you #sam winchester

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archiephd · 4 years

Note

supernatural 🙈

give me a show/movie/fandom and i’ll tell you:

my favorite female character: this is gonna sound rly dumb because we only ever saw her for like 5 mins but jessica moore my dude, and of COURSE jody

my favorite male character: sam sam sam

my favorite book/season/etc: season 1 and 2 🥺

my favorite episode (if its a tv show): oh oof ummM i really adore faith and houses of the holy but the usual suspects is definitely up there too

my favorite cast member: uhHH misha maybe? idk i haven’t kept up with the cast in a long while

my favorite ship: sastiel 😔 but i love me some samjess too

a character i’d die defending: SAM idk why some of y’all are so mean to him, writers included :/

a character I just can’t sympathize with: lucifer lmao i also wanna say dean but i DO sympathize with him i just get annoyed at how the show/writers/fandom act like he’s never done anything wrong in his life and i therefore never have the need to overshare my sympathy

a character i grew to love: this is gonna sound dumb but cas idk why i didn’t like him at first but i lov him now :(

my anti otp: destiel i’m sorry dskdk even before i was squinting at dean’s behavior i literally just couldn’t get on board i been trying for 7 years ok don’t come for megmkdv

this was fun tysm for sending this friend

#bellamy-blakez #answered #it's strangely grounding to do ask games in these tryin time hdsd #so thank u <33

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documentingmythoughts · 6 years

Text

The Hijab-less Muslim

05/28/18: Marks the 2 Years I have gone without my Hijab

PHASE 1: Wearing a Hijab during 4th-11th Grade

I remember having my parents approach my sisters and me when we were young to tell us that in our religion, girls have the choice of wearing a hijab. They explained to us that it was a symbol of modesty, of our willful practice of Islam, and that God would cherish us and send us to heaven if we wore one. I quickly accepted what they had said and thought I was going to be the coolest kid in school with my new hijab. I decided that I would color-coordinate my hijab with my clothes and be different from everyone else. I thought I would be the talk of the grade and gain SO many friends.

I did shock the kids in my school. And my school’s white administration. And all of the strangers who stared at me.

As a fourth grader, I was introduced to the concepts of racism, discrimination, Islamophobia, and hate.

I lost friendships. I became a target of bullying. I had classmates tell me that their parents said they couldn’t be my friend anymore because I was Muslim. But, all of this hate only fueled my anger and desire to break free of everyone’s prejudices and their desires to watch me fail. Some people voiced that they wanted me to take my hijab off, while others wanted to see me suffer and break. I persisted.

Part of what kept me going was knowing that by being studious and doing all of the right things, I might be making the life of another Muslim/hijabi easier. That maybe if these people got to know me, they wouldn’t condemn an entire religion anymore and not view me as subhuman. I was a VERY optimistic kid, can you tell?

My sisters definitely made wearing a hijab easier too. We would complain together, look up videos on different ways of tying a hijab, and be on the lookout for new patterned scarves. There came a point where the discrimination we faced seemed bearable and became part of the backdrop of our normal lives. I learned how to suppress my emotions and to continue to exist without letting racist comments torment me. I learned how to keep surviving. But that state of comfort changed in my junior year.

PHASE 2: The Climax of Discrimination and its Consequences

My junior year was a complete shitshow. There was incident after incident until my family and I no longer felt safe in my neighborhood nor my high school. Part of it was a reflection of what was being broadcasted by the media. Terrible acts of terrorism such as the tragic Paris attacks and the San Bernardino shooting were being committed by people who identified as Muslim. With the rise of Trump, people felt more justified in their racist views and harassed us more than usual. I remember my mom remarking to me that the discrimination that we faced during that time was similar to what my parents experienced following 9/11. So in the midst of taking the ACT, SAT, and deciding what colleges to apply to, I was dealing with heightened discrimination as well.

One of the first major acts of discrimination that affected me directly was when a Facebook page that I was one of the admins of for my high school class got hacked by racist white upperclassmen. These students flooded the page with posts of racially-charged images of men dressed in lingerie while wearing hijabs, pictures of student’s genitalia, and a threat against Muslim students. The threat warned Muslim students from coming to school the following day or else they would be hurt. The threat was present on the page for 8 minutes until I reported it and took it down. The threat was made by what seemed like a fake account and couldn’t be linked to a specific student. The dean of students asked me to screenshot every post and send it to her. And so I had to sit there, shaking, and in tears while looking at all of these posts stating that I don’t deserve to exist and mocking the religion that I grew up cherishing. The administrators at my school responded to this incident by informing me that they had no control over activity on social media. I never found out if those students were ever held responsible for their actions.

But this was only the beginning of a long list of actions that occurred and made me feel small, unsafe, and reduced me to my brown, Muslim identity. My parents began urging us to take off our hijabs and said it was too unsafe to wear one. That they would never forgive themselves if anything were to happen to their children because of this choice. My sisters and I were stubborn and refused to give in, but as the incidents abroad and at home started to pile up, my parent’s urgings against us wearing our hijabs became stronger and ours became weaker. I continued to fight and negotiate with them. Initially, we agreed that I would stop wearing one when I went to college due to their lack of control over what would happen there. Over time, we renegotiated until it was decided that I would stop at the end of my junior year of high school because I was going to be traveling in the Southern U.S. as part of a college-access program in the summer, in areas where anti-Islamic sentiment is very prevalent.

Choosing to take off my hijab was a painful choice. Not because I am a religious person, but because I had fought all these systems of oppression for so long, that it felt like I lost. That maybe this world is too fucked up to fix.

PHASE 3: The Aftermath

I remember going back to school for the first time without a hijab. I remember flinching the first time I felt the wind touch my neck. My teachers, counselors, and peers struggled to keep their eyes from widening and stuttered when they spoke to me. I had white teachers and coaches tell me they thought I made the *right* decision by taking off my hijab and that I looked *pretty* without it. They even asked me if my parents knew about my decision and were genuinely shocked when I informed them that my parents were the strongest advocates to take my hijab off. As if the notion that my brown and Muslim parents could not look past their religion and care for the safety of their children was too far-fetched.

In addition to this, I felt like a lab rat that everyone was fascinated to watch and monitor. My hair got caught in car doors because I never had to account for the extra time I had to wait for my hair to settle. I never had to think about how my hair was a reflection of my well being, until the little effort that I initially made to maintain it was enough for people to make comments to me. They remarked that they could tell how much sleep I had the night before or that they could determine how stressed I was depending on how frizzy or put together my hair looked. I had to start thinking of ways to maintain it, to “find the right products” so that I would be accepted by society.

In many ways, taking off my hijab made me realize that it was a blessing and a curse.

While wearing a hijab, most of my interactions felt pre-determined, as I had no choice but to interact with the overt racists who had something to say to me. All of my battles were chosen for me and I had no choice but to take arms and fight. I fought to exist with the label I carried which was emotionally draining and laborious. Without my hijab, I can pick and choose which battles to exert my energy towards.

On the other hand, wearing a hijab filtered my interactions; those who were my friends really, truly respected me as a person. Those who were uncomfortable with my presence and existence did not approach me and definitely did not befriend me. But, without my hijab, people don’t instantly label me. Only after interacting and in some cases becoming their friend did it become clear that they didn’t know my story, my identities, and that what they say or the views they have hurt me. I wish I could continue to have this filter that my hijab provided. It definitely would be helpful in college.

I also did not know that strangers smiled at (and at times greeted) other strangers when you walk on the street. I only became aware of this phenomenon after I took off my hijab and this started to happen to me. I was genuinely shook by its occurrence in the beginning and realized how fucked up it was that I didn’t receive these “smiles” when I wore a hijab. I guess that’s a reflection of how messed up society is. People need to do better.

I am often asked if I would consider wearing a hijab again later in my life. My current answer to this is no. I like being able to pick and choose my battles and not feeling emotionally drained as I did with my hijab. Since I now know what life is like without that constant influence weighing down on me, it’s too high of a cost to reintroduce now. I’m still only 2 years without my hijab so my answer may change once I fully experience what life is like this way.

People often talk about how the women who wear hijabs in Islam are oppressed and face a lot of sexism through religion. While this may be the case for other Muslim women in the world, it wasn’t my general experience with Islam. It was American culture and small-minded people who oppressed me and made me feel worthless for practicing my religion. For being the “secular” and religiously tolerant country America claims to be, my experiences would suggest otherwise. So while Congress shall make “no law respecting the establishment of religion,” or prohibit “the free exercise of one,” this country is already built by its people and institutions of power to reject my existence.

If y’all really took the time to read all of this, I am sincerely impressed and grateful. Thank you for hearing part of my story. Feel free to reach out if you wanna talk!

#islamaphobia #muslimandproud #brownandproud #RamadanMubarak #america #desi #browngirlsgang

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superfluffysupernatural · 7 years

Text

How Could You Series

Part 2: An Upsetting Reunion

Relationship: Dean/Reader

Word Count: 1312

Warnings: angst, demon possession

Summary: After leaving Dean behind, you have some problems with a demon that leave you weak and scared. Somehow, Dean finds you- but he isn't alone.

A/N: This series will go along so smoothly if y’all send me messages about it and ask for more!

~Rae

About Three Years Later

You could hardly remember the past few months. That's why, as soon as you gained consciousness and you made sure you were in control of your body, your hunter instincts took over. You had woken up in some motel room, and you searched desperately for your hunting bag, to no avail. You couldn't even find your car keys. All you had on your person was your burner phone. Which was dead. You hoped maybe the charger was in the room too, and you finally got lucky when it was plugged into an outlet. Once you plugged your phone in, you scrolled through all of your contacts, searching for one in particular. Another stroke of luck, he answered the call. "Hello?" "I need help," you said, your voice shaky. "I'm stranded in some motel room, I don't have anything. I can't salt the place or make any devils traps or holy water-" "Wait, what happened?" "I don't know! Everything for the past however many months is a blur! I just... I need some help from another hunter," you weeped. "Okay. Where are you, do you know?" You shook your head, looking around the room for any sign of a location. You saw a picture on the wall of the 'Welcome to Vegas' sign and promptly opened the curtain to look out the window. Far off in the distance, you saw light pollution from where you could only assume was Las Vegas. Turning your head the other way, you caught a glimpse of the motel's sign. "I think I'm in a motel outside of Vegas. The Grenwick." "Sending someone your way," the hunter said before hanging up. Once you were off the phone, you stripped down and got in the shower. After washing your hair and body, you didn't have the energy to do much else but sit down in the tub, holding your knees to your chest, and you let the water run over you. You didn't know how much time passed before someone kicked the door in, but you didn't care. "[Y/N]?" A familiar voice asked from just outside the bathroom door. You slowly turned your head to see Dean Winchester. And when he saw that it was you, he rushed into the bathroom, shut the water off, and threw a towel over you. "What happened?" he asked quietly. "Demon," another voice said. He stepped forward into the doorframe and tilted his head towards your back. That's when Dean saw it. Your anti-possession tattoo had been sliced right down the middle. He could tell there were multiple cuts by the scarring where it had tried to heal just to be sliced over again. A demon had been possessing you for months, but because of the ink, had to repeatedly break the lock you had put on your body to secure it from evil spirits. That's when some of it came back to you. A sudden flash of the memory of getting attacked on a hunt, feeling the sting between your shoulder blades, but your attacker was careful not to stab you fatally. Why would they do that? "We need to get her out of here," the other man says. Dean nods and focuses on helping you, but all you can do is look at his face. He's aged. Not badly, but he looks far more than just three years older. And you had thought he'd seen some shit when you first met him. You can only imagine what a Winchester would see in three years. Three years is a long time for hunters, given that you all have a short life expectancy. Thirty is lucky, forty is pushing it, and no one ever lives to see fifty. Not in this life. Lots of monsters to hunt in three years. "[Y/N]!" Dean yells, you suspect it isn't the first time either. You hum in response. He's got you back into your clothes and he's strapping you into the car. "I need you to tell us everything," he says as he drives off. "Who's he?" you ask groggily. "I'm Sam-" the other man begins to say. "I'll explain later," Dean interrupts. "Where are we going?" you continue asking questions. "Somewhere safe. Tell us what you know," Dean replies. "Dean, I don't know anything. The last thing I remember is from October. I was hunting something, I guess it turned out to be a demon, and it attacked me and cut my tattoo. That's all I know." "Oh [Y/N]..." Dean says. "What?" you ask. "It's February..." Sam tells you. "Please tell me it's 2013 not 2014," you say, fearful. "It's 2013. But that still leaves you with about four unaccounted for months," Dean points out. "Yeah, I realize that," you spit. You figure Dean doesn't have anything else to say because he simply remained silent after that. After a few quiet minutes pass, you begin to talk to the other man, Sam. "So your name is Sam?" you ask to confirm. "Yeah," he nods. "Sam Winchester." You pause, confused. Dean said his brother was gone. So why? "You're Dean's brother?" "What, he didn't say anything about me?" Sam asks surprisedly. "All he said... was that he used to have a partner, his brother, and that he was out of the picture..." you told Sam. You could almost hear Dean cringe at the sound of you talking about him as if he weren't there. "Dean, was this after-" "Yeah. I told you I couldn't stop hunting," he says gruffly. "After what?" you prod. Sam seems to decide maybe there was a reason Dean hadn't told you everything, because he then says, "Tell you later. It's complicated." "I'm a hunter, I eat complicated for breakfast," you sass. Sam chuckles, but your ride continues in silence. Until you reach your destination. Dean insists on helping you walk inside, and you don't want to argue, so you just let him. It's a bunker. A huge bunker- a hunter's heaven you find out. The brothers didn't tell you much, but they did tell you about this. The Men of Letters, the key their grandfather gave them. You were certain even that wasn't the full story, but it was enough. Once you get to your new room, Dean helps you into the bed and closes the door. "What happened?" he asks confrontationally. You groan. "I told you!" "No, not about that. Three years ago, what happened?" He wanted answers and you had none to give. "What do you mean what happened?" you ask, not sure what he wanted you to say. "Well I mean, I know what happened but... what happened? Why'd you leave? In like, one of the most cliche ways possible, might I add." "Well, I left because we didn't make good hunting partners and I work alone and I thought you could find someone else. You're the one that followed me. So I had to leave when you couldn't follow me," you explain. "So you just slept with me so that you could sneak out in the morning when I wouldn't follow you?" he asks. "I guess?" you ask. Dean looks offended and it's only mildly funny. "Look, you're the one that brought me to a motel room and kissed me when you knew I had lower inhibitions. I didn't have to have sex with you." "Oh," he steps away from the door and stands closer to the bed where you're laying. "So you just... wanted to have sex with me?" "Oh my god, Dean. Wow, you really just- wow. Just leave. I'm not having this conversation with you." Really? How old is he? He's practically baiting you for slut shaming. He does look genuinely disappointed in himself for making you want to kick him out though. "Okay. Sorry." He gets off the bed and leaves, closing the door behind him.

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #fanfiction #dean winchester #dean x reader #sam winchester #reader #reader insert #reader fanfiction #demons #demon possession #angst #how could you series #part 2 #fanfiction series #series #superfluffysupernatural #rae

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jarpadandjensenaremyheroes · 7 years

Text

The Little Princess: Chapter 7

A/n- Good news everyone! I finished Chapter 8 (which will be posted tomorrow morning at 9 AM CST). I was originally going to combine this chapter with the last one, but it would have been really long. Plus I wanted to tease y’all with a cliff hanger. So here is Chapter 7! I hope you guys like it! If anyone would like to be added to the tag list, or any future fics, let me know!

Word count: 2,000

Warnings: Angst, tons of swearing, FLUFF, Baby feels.

Chapter summary: Dean confronts the reader

Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader, OFC Tori, Sam Winchester, OFC Mary

Need to catch up? HERE is the Masterlist!

Chapter 7

Y/N’s POV

“Tori, I can’t believe I waited this long to let you take me out. You sure know how to wine and dine a girl!”

You both were having an amazing time, and the laughter was non-stop. But you watch the smile disappear from Tori’s face.

“Y/N, there’s some guy co-”

You squeaked as a large hand grabbed your shoulder and roughly spun you around.

“Hey dollface. We need to talk. Right now.” He almost growled the last words and it terrified you. You quickly pulled his shirt collar to the side, just to make sure his anti-possession tattoo was still intact. A breath you didn’t realize you were holding escaped from your lips in a gush.

“Not a demon. Now you’re coming with me. I have some questions for you.”

“No, Dean, I’m not. I know why you’re in town, and I know what I told you the last time we spoke. I don’t want you bringing trouble around me. Now please leave me alone until the job is finished. I’ll text you an address, and you can meet me there when it’s over.”

“God dammit Y/N I’m in no mood for this shit. You’ve been keeping something from Sammy and I and I’m done with the secrets. So you can either come with me and talk peacefully, or I can drag you kicking and screaming back to the damn car and we can talk it out there with Sam. Your choice. You have 10 seconds to decide.”

“Fuck. Fine, you asshole. But there’s something I need to do first. I’ll come with you, but I need to make a quick call.” You put emphasis on the word call so he would know you needed to talk to Cas. His almost imperceptible nod told you that he understood. “You can come with me for security if you’d like.” You turned around to look at Tori. “Honey I am so sorry. This is one of the people from my past I was hoping to avoid for the night, but it seems one of them spotted me. I’ll try not to be too long, but I promise I’m not in any danger at all. I’m safe with Dean and Sam, so please don’t worry. Go home to James if you’re okay to drive. We will reschedule this for another night. I love you.” With that you gave her a hug, and took Dean’s hand in yours just to throw the asshole off guard.

As soon as you were out of earshot of all the patrons, you called for Cas and he very promptly appeared, looking extremely guilty. You didn’t know what Dean knew, so you picked your words carefully.

“Cas, is James still doing alright?”

Cas seemed confused, but you sent him a silent prayer. I don’t know what he knows, and I’m not volunteering any information. Please Cas, just go with it.

“Yes, James is fine. I will continue keeping watch.” And with that, he flew off.

You spun around to look at Dean. “What the fuck is your major malfunction! You can’t walk up and say ‘Hey, long time no speak, can we catch up for a minute?’ Of course you can’t because you’re Dean fucking Winchester and the whole world revolves around you. You’ve got to have what you want when you want it or it’s the end of the god damn world! You know, I was actually having a good time tonight. For the first time in almost two years since I left you, I was enjoying myself. Do you know how hard I’ve been trying Dean? Do you have any fucking idea how hard it’s been for me to stay away from you, how hard it’s been to not call you or text you, or send you pi-”

You stopped yourself short of finishing that sentence. Sending you pictures of your daughter. Your heart broke, as did your resolve, and you burst into tears. He quickly pulled you into his chest and you started beating on him, trying to push him away, but he has always been stronger than you. He held you tight, and you let all the pent up anger out on his chest; all your pent up sadness and depression and unshed tears were released finally.

You hadn’t noticed since you were crying so hard, but Dean had moved the two of you to an alleyway. When you had stopped sobbing, Dean slid his back down the brick wall and sat down with you in his lap. He still held you tightly and you held the front of his shirt just the same. It was as if the two of you were terrified of the other disappearing. Dean was the first to break the silence.

“Princess, I need you to be honest with me here. I need to know. I think I have a right to know.” He spoke so softly, and it made your heart hurt even more. You knew how angry he was, as he had the right to be. His next words came out as barely a whisper. “Why did you leave?”

You were silent for a moment, not knowing how to tell the man you loved that you left to protect his child. A child he didn’t know about.

He cleared his throat before you could say anything. “I have a confession. About 9 months ago, I found you. I managed to get Ellen to spill where you were living. I watched you with a man in the park, and you had a…you had a baby, Y/N. And she’s clearly yours, you were breastfeeding her. So I guess my question is, who is the father?”

You felt the tears well up in your eyes again. You looked up at him, hoping he wouldn’t make you answer that question. “Dean…I-”

“Please, please princess…just…tell me. I need to hear it.”

You couldn’t even manage a whisper at this point. You were so scared. Surely he would hate you for the rest of his life once you told him you kept his child from him. He would dump you on the ground and tell you he never wanted to see either of you again. He would tell you to change her name, because it’s a family name, and you’re not family. Your thoughts were racing so fast you barely caught the choked sob you let out. “You.”

Dean’s eyes filled with tears and quickly spilled down his face. You were preparing for the worst when he wrapped his arms around you once again.

“We have a daughter.”

Your dam broke again, and you were surprised you could even cry this much. You held each other until you could breathe properly again. This time, you were the first to speak.

“Would you like to meet your daughter, Daddy?”

“Well, there goes that kink…” You both burst into laughter. It felt good to just laugh with him again. “Of course I would princess. Let’s go, please.”

He led you back to Baby, where Sam was anxiously pacing. As soon as he saw the two of you, hand in hand, he grinned and broke into a full sprint. He picked you up and spun you around until you were both dizzy and laughing.

As you were piling in the front seat with the two of them, Dean let out a chuckle. “Alright alright, let’s get her home. We can catch up in a little while.”

Sam looked confused. “Home? You mean, you’re not coming with us Y/N?”

You stuttered and tripped over your words. “I-I…I’m n-not really su-sure Sam… There’s some things Dean and I, and you too really, need to discuss…before we decide anything…”

Dean spoke up. “Bullshit. You know damn good and well I want you back with us, and I’d be lying if I said Sammy felt any different. Hell, even Cas wants you back home with us. So the only question here is you, princess.”

Instead of speaking, you just gave Dean directions to your house. You didn’t trust yourself to speak without hurting someone again.

20 minutes later, you were relieved to see Tori’s car in front of your home. You pulled out your keys to unlock the door, but before you could even get up the steps, Tori had yanked the door open and flown into your arms with tears in her eyes. You immediately started to panic.

“Tori is everything okay? Is Mary okay? And James? What’s going on?” You could hear the panic in your own voice, and knew it was evident to everyone else. You calmed down significantly though when James appeared in the doorway holding a very much awake Mary. She was reaching for you. “Mamamamama!” She started shrieking with laughter as James tickled her ribs.

Tori finally held you at arm’s length. “Do you have any idea how fucking worried I was? You just took off with some guy you claimed to know, giving me random names and telling me they’re from your past, when I don’t even know the first thing about your past! I was worried SICK Y/N! Don’t you ever do that to me again!”

“Honey I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. This is Dean and Sam Winchester.” You gestured to the boys. “Mary’s father and uncle.”

“Oh. I’m Tori Newman, the man inside is my husband, James, and we’re leaving. Clearly you guys have some catching up to do. But I promise you this, if you break her heart again, I’ll break both your faces. And it’d be a shame if I had to do that, ‘cause they’re very nice faces. So don’t hurt her. Got it?” She spun on her heel and left a stunned Sam and a smirking Dean in her wake. You just giggled at the forwardness of your best friend. You simply shrugged as the brothers looked at you, and turned to follow her into the house. You watched as the boys came in, making sure neither had an issue getting past the devil’s trap. Dean had already passed the silver test; he had touched your bracelet in the alleyway earlier. You asked Sam to shut the door behind him, making sure he touched the solid silver knob in the process. You smiled, knowing that they were actually themselves.

James and Tori quickly said their goodbyes to you and Mary, and went home for the night. You put your small gun back in the table next to the door, and grabbed the flashlight to check the devil’s traps. Both were still intact and fully functional. You reentered the living room and saw both brothers and Mary, all sitting with their legs crossed just staring at one another. It was comical, really. You went and sat behind your daughter, pulling her into your lap.

“Mary, this is your Daddy,” you pointed at Dean, “and your Uncle Sammy,” you pointed at Sam. She pushed herself out of your lap and quickly stood up, using your hand as balance. She let go of your hand after a moment, and started toddling toward Dean repeating “dadadada” the whole way. She tumbled to the ground with a fit of giggles right in front of Dean, but she landed in his arms. He wrapped her tiny little body up in his massive arms and quietly sobbed. After a few minutes, she pulled her head and torso away from him so she could see his face. She touched his eyes, then his nose, then his lips and ears, and finally put both her hands on his tear-stained cheeks as she leaned forward to give him a kiss. Then she squirmed out of his lap and repeated the whole process with Sam. When she made her way back to you, you gestured for Dean to come sit with you.

Mary giggled and held her chubby little arms out to Dean when he sat down behind you. He wrapped his arms around the both of you, and for the first time in almost 2 years, you felt truly safe.

@petrovadixon

@quackerstheduck663057

#spn fandom #spn fanfic #daddy!dean #uncle!sammy #The Little Princess #dean Winchester x reader

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zalrb · 7 years

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Surprise! The Sequel. [TVD 1x12 Review]

Welcome to the 12th review of season 1! As per usual, here are the guidelines: Considering that I haven’t sat down to watch a full episode of the past seasons of TVD in a few years and my memory might not be the greatest I will start with my usual disclaimer: I write my thoughts in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning of this post, it will be corrected by the end. There will be anti-Damon and anti-Delena senitments and I feel the need to say there may be some anti-Jenna sentiments too. I will probably bring up other shows and call attention to misogynoir, racism and anti-blackness. OK. Ready? Let’s go. I love how Stefan and Elena are lying down on her bed, talking about what’s happening in the town, that level of intimacy just in the fact that they’re together on her bed and it isn’t sexual, it’s about how comfortable they are with each other. I still think it’s bullshit that Jeremy would invite the pizza guy in. I also really hate this scene because I want more details, like at least see vampire hoodie dude get into a car with the actual pizza delivery guy bleeding in the backseat. Paul’s jeans fit much better now. Omg Paul is just all chiselled features. This man is beautiful. “Oh yeah, Elena and I had a blast!” You two were barely together. Yay, more lunch! Sorry, I just couldn’t recall when they ever ate lunch so the fact that I’m seeing them eat it makes me happy because DETAILS. If only we got a class other than history that wasn’t in a dream. “If it’s what you and Matt want then it’s not about me.” We don’t ever get a conversation like this about Steroline, like Elena just kept her mouth shut and she never talks about SC as a couple, which I find telling. I also never understood why Nina uses her left hand to brush the right side of her face, like her hair out of her face, I always found that weird. Lol Elena leaves Bonnie with the bill. Of course. And doesn’t say thank you. It really annoys me that the first guy to show interest in Bonnie in the show is just using her. Ugh. Especially since they could’ve been really hot. And cute. I’m annoyed. “It’s because we’re predators, Elena. We hunt, we stalk, it’s often as exciting as the kill.” See, Stefan never once distances himself from the darker aspects of vampirism, so I don’t know where the DErs get of saying he pretends to be a saint. The way he strokes her face, omg. Matt and Caroline are so cute, their almost paint fight and the way he says, “I MEAN I thought you always told everyone else what to do.” OK so Elena and Jenna do have separate cars. “I’m really sorry it won’t be any help for your Diabolical Plan. The Sequel.” I love dry Stefan so much. It’s kind of funny watching Ian’s hyperactive eyebrows against Paul’s pretty stationary ones. “See that’s your problem, Damon, you apply all of your shortcomings to everyone else.” Ha, could say the same thing about DE shippers. So, funny story. When I had cable and would watch my teen dramas, my mother would always complain about them and say how much she hates them but then I would see her standing in the hall watching them over my back. Happened with OTH. Happened with Gossip Girl. And it happened with TVD. So I’m at the scene where Elena is doing her hair and the compass is on her bed. I remember being soooooooo into the scene, like OMG THE SUSPENSE THE COMPASS IS MOVING and then I just hear my mom yell, “She is STUPID. If you’re in a town overrun by vampires and your vampire boyfriend gives you a vampire compass that finds vampires would you not have that damn compass everywhere you go??? SHE’S AN IDIOT. What’s her name? I don’t like her.” Lol. And now eight years later, I tend to agree. It’s funny, in KDramas when a loved one’s number is saved it’s always something like “My Yoon Jae” or “My Gyu-woon” so just seeing “Elena Gilbert” on Stefan’s phone is like … aww, come on, can’t it be “My Elena”??? lol. Although tbh I probably wouldn’t like that. Kdramas get away with a lot of things that American TV can’t. Aww Stefan’s hand on Elena’s leg as they talk about the vampire. So sweet. Simple gesture but it shows his protectiveness and his need to comfort her. And then when Elena slips her hand over his to comfort him for being worried about her. My feeeeeeeeeeeeels. Also Paul is total James Dean here. Who was that person who said Ian was more James Dean than Paul? Like … WHAT? “What’s Damon doing here?” At least Bonnie looks mildly indignant. Also it takes some kind of gall to stand before Bonnie and Caroline, two people who Damon had tried to kill and not feel a type of way. I do still find Elena’s *turn to Stefan* “May I have this dance?” to be hilarious and necessary. And Stefan’s smile is amaaaaazing. Paul’s hands are kinda low on Nina’s hips, lmao. Anna’s hair is a little weird. “You’re doing that thing again, where you pretend we’re dating even though we’re not” LOL that was a little harsh. The way Anna brushes it off is cool though. I actually just noticed that when Matt walks up to Caroline and Bonnie at the Grill he’s actually smiling until Caroline is classist af. Also totally forgot that Stefan and Elena actually have a blast dancing before he pretends he won’t dip her, like they’re smiling SO goofily. And Damon is looking at them jealous for absolutely no reason because he’s hardly spent any time with Elena but seriously, that’s what love looks like Damon. The fact that Damon can call himself Stefan’s legal guardian and none of the adults side eye his relationship with Elena? When she’s supposed to be the Rory Gilmore of Mystic Falls, beloved by the town? “Tonight was so much better on paper.” Just like how the SC relationship was so much better on paper? I get it, Caroline. Lmao I’m watching all these other people dance and yeah Paul’s hands on Nina’s hips has me like mmmhmm. Lol he moved them up to her waist. Oh back to the hips. Their dance kiss is still one of my favourites, like it just shows how much he loves her. The way Damon dances with that blonde is utterly ridiculous. ALSO LOL. “My Boyfriend’s Back” is a song I did a vid to for Steroline and Stelena back in the day, I didn’t realize they played it in 1x12. It’s actually good to see Elena active in a scene. This is one of my favourite Elena’s scenes [when she fights with Noah] One of the things I actually like about the Stefan torturing Noah scene is Damon’s facial expressions in the background because he knows how much Stefan loves Elena so he’s just like lol yeah you shouldn’t play tough because he WILL make you suffer. Also seriously, Stefan’s intensity in this scene, that type of protectiveness over Elena that isn’t shown through “I will break your arm” so much love. I think I really like Mattoline because it reminds me of me and my best friend in high school and it’s really realistic. I also like the Mattoline kiss, it’s very cinematic. Also find it cute that Elena is on her couch and Stefan is making her tea in her kitchen because they’re just so at home with each other. And the way she looks at him giving her the tea, like isn’t my boyfriend so considerate? “It’s going to take a lot more than a road trip and a rescue for me to forget who Damon really is.” Oh, so the necklace was the dealbreaker then? Also, it wasn’t a road trip, he kidnapped you. Also y’all are acting like he hasn’t damaged this town and that he’s just a dick. For Stefan that makes sense but Elena honestly should not be this calm. At least with Spike, Xander and Willow only stop fearing him when there’s a chip in his head that makes it impossible for him to feed on humans so he’s no longer a threat to them. This was a weak ending.

#stelena #tvd 1x12 #the vampire diaries #unpleasant ville #stefan salvatore #elena gilbert #tvd unpleasant ville #the vampire diaries 1x12 #paul wesley #nina dobrev #dobsley #tvd meta #tvd review #review #meta

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wayward-marvel-sommer1196 · 7 years

Text

Hate Me

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Trigger Warnings: Language, suicide (kind of), violence, asshole-ness, death

Word Count: 2858

Summary: All Dean wants in this world is for you to be safe and he doesn’t believe that is with him. So, in an effort to keep you safe he makes the ultimate sacrifice: his heart. Knowing you would never leave him he comes up with a stupid plan that backfires on him completely. What happens when he not only shatters his heart but yours as well?

A/N: This is for @thing-you-do-with-that-thing Anti-Valentine’s Challenge. So basically the goal here was to write a story that included a really sad song chosen from her list and make it angst to the fucking max. The song I chose here was Hate Me by: Blue October. This story is all angst and all heartbreak sorry no fluff this time. But with all done and said I think this came out pretty damn good. I almost teared up a bit writing some pieces. Any who as always feedback is always welcome and wanted but hate isn’t so if you don’t have anything nice to say keep it to yourself. BTW Happy Valentine’s Day Y’all !!!!

Bold Italics = Song Lyrics

Regular Italics = Flashbacks

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?

And will you never say that you loved me, just to put it in my face?

And will you never try to reach me?

It is I that wanted space

****Dean POV****

Its been a few months now since Dean broke up with you or rather you broke up with him because of something he did to make you break up with him. Even though this was his plan it doesn’t make it hurt him any less. He needed you safe and this was the only plan that he could come up with to keep you that way. He needed you to live a life of piece. A life he could never give you. A life a hunter doesn’t get to have.

Maybe Sam was right. Maybe he shouldn’t have acted too quickly on this. Maybe he should have tried harder. The maybe’s are what get him the most. They are what keep him up at night. What causes the tears to race down his cheeks when no one’s around. Sometimes he wishes you would call or try and reach him in anyway, but then he remembers he is the one who wanted this. He is the one who caused this. The only way he is going to get through this with his head straight is to block you out of his mind. But, how can he do that when he is still hopelessly in love with you?

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****Dean POV****

“Sam, she’s not safe with us. She’s not safe with me. Doing this is the only way she can have a life,” Dean said.

“Dean, she was a hunter before she met us. What makes you think she will give it up if we leave her? If you leave her?” Sam asked.

“For one, every fucking demon, angel, and god damn monster out there knows us by name. They don’t know (Y/N). They won’t go seeking her out like they do us Sammy. And besides how many times have we died? I won’t let that happen to her. With me out of the picture at least she will have a chance to find someone outside of the life and settle down, get married, have a coupe kids, you know? The white picket fence life we never got and will never have,” Dean argued.

“What if that’s not what she wants Dean? What if she’s happy with you now? You guys are good for each other. You can’t control her life,” Sam replied.

“I know I can’t. And I know she won’t leave on her own or if I break up with her so I have a plan,” Dean said as he turned around shaking his head already regretting this plan and heading to the bar.

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Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways

Yeah, ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

****(Y/N) POV****

“Hey Sammy, have you seen Dean? I can’t find him and he’s not answering my calls,” you asked.

“Uhhh…..I think he went to the bar,” Sam replied nervously.

“Damn it! He was doing so good. He hasn’t drank in a week. I really thought we were making progress. Do you know which bar?” you inquired.

“I think Piedmont on 5th,” he answered.

“Thanks I’m gonna go get him and see what’s up. Be back soon,” you replied. If only you would have looked back at Sam and seen the look painted on his face would you have known what you were about to walk into.

You walked into the bar and was instantly bombarded with a cacophony of noises that made you want to rip your ears off. You scanned the room quickly looking for Dean not having any luck. So you walked up to the bartender to ask him a few questions.

“Hey uh bartender. HEY! Over here. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure thing sexy you can ask me whatever you want,” he responded while simultaneously eye fucking your chest.

You rolled your eyes and gaged at his response and pulled out a picture of Dean. “Have you seen this man?”

“Why? You and I could have a great time. You don’t need him,” he replied with a slimey smile crossing his face.

“Fuck off. Have you seen him or not?” you demanded.

“Whatever bitch. Your little boyfriend is in the back,” he not so kindly replied.

You let the response go and just went to find Dean he was your main priority right now.

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****Dean POV****

Dean walked into the bar and scoped the place out for the easiest floosy he could enact his terrible plan with. The plan to push you away for good. The plan to make you hate him. He spotted a blond that didn’t look too drunk, because he obviously didn’t want to take advantage of anyone, and looked exactly like his type before he met you. He approached her and it didn’t take long for him to work his magic.

“Hey, I couldn’t help but notice you were all alone. Want some company?” he asked.

“Sure, especially if that company comes looking like you,” she replied all too happy.

The bartender asked Dean what he wanted so Dean asked for a beer. However, he never touched that beer because of the promise he made to (Y/N) which he didn’t know why he was keeping but his head never made any sense.

“Name’s Dean and you are?” he asked

“Molly and I was kind of hoping that maybe you would want to……” and before she could finish her sentence Deans lips were on hers.

“Why don’t we take this somewhere else?” Dean suggested. And with that they went to the back of the bar and into the storage closet where things started to get heated.

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****(Y/N) POV****

You went to the back of the bar and still didn’t see Dean. You were just about to go give the bartender a good ass-kicking for lying to you when you heard a bang on the door to your left labeled Storage. You were hoping that what was behind this door wasn’t what you had in your head, but you had to check. You put your shaking hand on the handle of the door hesitating to open it, but eventually you turned the handle. What you saw, you didn’t want to believe. Dean without his shirt, his belt undone, and his hands all over some ditsy blondes’ body, who was also half naked.

“What the actual fuck??!!!??!!?” you half screamed.

“(Y/N), what are you doing here?” Dean asked.

Before you could answer the ditsy blonde spoke up, “Who the hell is she?”

“I’m his girlfriend. So, if I were you I would take your hands off him right now and grab your clothes and leave before I kick your ass,” you retorted through gritted teeth. And with that she ran out like the flash.

“I’m going to ask again. What the fuck Dean?”

“I think you get the just of what was going here (Y/N). It’s not that hard to understand,” Dean responded.

With that you responded by punching Dean in the jaw hard enough to knock him on his ass. “Why are you being such an ass hole? You were fine this morning. We were fine this morning. What the hell happened between then and now?” you practically begged with tears starting to well up in your eyes.

“I don’t know what to tell you (Y/N). The love is just not there anymore. You weren’t satisfying me anymore so I sought it elsewhere,” Dean replied with each of these words breaking heart little by little.

“No. I don’t believe you. This isn’t you. You’re lying. You have to be. How could you do this to me?” you pleaded with tears now streaming down your face

“Sorry sweetheart it’s all true. The feelings are gone,” Dean said with finality and his own tears starting to well but holding back so he doesn’t blow his lie.

“Fine Dean Winchester. We are done. That’s it. I’m gone. You are rid me. I hope your happy because after now you will never see me again and for your sake you better hope I never see you again,” you retorted.

With that you left and just in time to miss Dean’s breakdown. He let the tears flow freely and left the bar to head back to the bunker.

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I’m sober now for three whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with

The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again

In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate

You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take

So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind

And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

****Dean’s POV****

The funny thing about Dean’s situation here is that he has managed to stay sober these three months because of you. You always wanted him to be sober because that’s when he was his best self and with all the hurt he already caused you he felt like that would just make it worse. He knows it doesn’t really matter but it helps his head.

Although with the sober mind it brings back all of our memories happy and horrible and it makes things so much worse. He remembers the times you would lay his head on your lap and stroke his hair after a nightmare he would occasionally have. He remembers when he would blame myself for all the woes of the world and you would so graciously remind him that he is only one person and can’t possibly save the whole world all the time. He remembers the way you would talk him off the ledge and not let him make any stupid decisions. He remembers the way you used to show him the light within him and that he is not all dark.

But, with all these good memories he also remembers the bad. He remembers the time a vamp nearly sucked the life out of you. He remembers the time when that son of a bitch demon possessed you and made you stab yourself and cause a five-day hospital stay. These are the memories that help reinforce his decision. That make him hope that he has made you hate him so much that he never crosses your mind and that your heart leaves him behind. As long as you are safe his heart can take the pain.

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****(Y/N) POV****

Its been three months since Dean mother fucking Winchester took your heart out of your chest and stomped on it, ran it over with a semi, and tore it to shreds. He claimed to have loved you and acted in a different manner. He didn’t deserve your love or your time but that didn’t change the fact that your heart still ached for him so you threw yourself into hunting.

Maybe tracking a whole vamp nest on your own wasn’t the greatest idea but you thought that if you were dead you would feel the pain anymore. So, thus started your suicide mission.

You got to the barn and counted roughly 15 vamps in the area. You grabbed your machete and bow and quiver that was filled with arrows covered in dead man’s blood and started shooting. You got about six vamps down with arrows outside and cut their heads off, but once you entered the barn that’s when you knew it was all over. You were able to get two more vamps but then four of them surrounded you and disarmed you. This when you knew it was over.

Two of them bit into each side of your neck while the other two held you down. As they slowly sucked the life out of you, you could finally feel the pain go away. All the heartache was gone. As your life was coming to an end as the vamps’ dinner good memories of Dean and you flashed before your eyes. The last one being the final good night you had spent together where you and Dean just cuddled in each other’s arms whispering I love you’s to each other. That’s when your eyes fluttered shut and the whole world went black. You were dead.

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And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave

Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

And like a baby boy I never was a man

Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand

And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away!”

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

And then she whispered, “How can you do this to me?”

****Dean’s POV****

Dean heard a knock at his door. It was Sam.

“I’m not in the mood Sam, just leave me alone,” Dean said.

“Dean, let me in. I have news. It’s about (Y/N),” Sam pleaded.

This peaked his interest. He opened the door to let Sam in and noticed the expression on his face. Sam looked upset with eyes red and puffy.

“What is it Sam? Is she ok?” Dean asked.

“Dean, she’s……….ummm…….she’s dead,” Sam replied with tears starting to stream down his cheeks, choking up a bit.

“No….no no no no. You’re wrong. You have to be. I let her go so she would be ok,” Dean responded with his body starting to tremble.

“I wish I was, Dean, but I’m not. She’s gone. From what I heard she was distraught after whatever it is that you said to her and she threw herself into the job. She was tracking a nest of vamps on her own and there were too many of them. She was overpowered. But I know (Y/N) and I know that she would never take on a job that was too big for her to handle. So this leads me to believe that she knew she wouldn’t make it out of there alive. Despite her valent effort, killing 8 of the 15 in the nest, she knew it was a suicide mission and I’m beginning to think that was the point. And before you go packing up to hunt the rest of the nest down like I know you are thinking of doing its been taken care of by other hunters,” Sam said with a hint of anger in his voice.

“How do you know that other hunters got them all?” Dean inquired.

“I talk with some of the other hunters that are around and these guys knew (Y/N) was always with us and let me know. They told me they found her notes and that this particular nest had only 15 vamps and they got them all,” Sam answered.

“This is all my fault,” Dean said.

“Not completely, she is the one who took the job Dean,” Sam retorted.

“Sam get out I need to be alone,” and with that Sam left.

Dean started to bawl his eyes out. The tears just spilling from his eyes. This was all his fault. It was a mistake to leave you. It was his mistake and it was that mistake that got you killed. Breaking your heart to keep you safe was a childish way to handle this situation. That was not the decision a man would have made. Sam was right. He was always right.

Dean could still see the tears you shed that night at the bar breaking his heart. He could still see the devastation on your face when you caught him. He fell to his knees shouting to the rooftops to make it go away. The pain. Make it all stop. But it never would nor should it.

He tried to remember your smile and the way it used to light up the whole world. He wanted to hold on to this to help with the pain to help keep your spirit alive. But, all he could remember was the look of hurt on your face that night and screaming ‘How could you do this to me?’ That would be the memory that stuck in his mind. The only memory of you that his head would allow him to have. The pain would never end and maybe it shouldn’t.

#spn anti-valentine's challenge #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #angst #reader insert #heart break #Hate Me

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orchestratingkitty · 7 years

Text

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot. When I first heard Jensen say Destiel doesn’t exist, I was (like most of the Destiel fandom) pretty hurt. I’ve since seen people attack him, people critique him, people defend him, and people applaud him. So I’m gonna go one-by-one through the most common responses I’ve seen in the past couple days and debunk them.

“He’s cute and hot! How could anyone say he’s a homophobe?”

What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Homophobes don’t look a certain way. You could see an ugly homophobe standing next to a hot as hell homophobe and they’d both be homophobes. The way Jensen Ackles looks doesn’t change the way he is on the inside. Good that we got the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said out of the way.

“He has gay friends/family members, so he isn’t homophobic.”

Uh huh. I once had a discussion with a white dude who loved saying the n word. He loved it. It was his favorite word. He claimed that he had a black friend who was cool with him doing it and thus he used it all the time. The dude had a black friend! Maybe more! Does that change the fact that he was racist? Hell no. There’s actual LGBT+ people out there who have internalized homophobia. If gay people can be homophobic, then why would we dismiss the homophobia of a man who just knows gay people?

“Lots of terrible things happen to him at cons. He’s mistreated.”

This is really true. He is groped and sexually harassed (from what I’ve read) at photo-ops and people ask him uncomfortable questions all the time. This is irrelevant, however. Everyone goes through hard things. Everyone. That doesn’t mean they have the right to say stupid, homophobic shit without consequences. The next time you want to argue on behalf of your favorite actor, do him the justice of making it a relevant and sensible argument.

“He was just stating his opinion.”

Yeah, in the rudest way possible. I’d have much preferred if he answered in the way Jared had when asked about Eileen. “Dean doesn’t room for romance right now” would have been a totally acceptable and neutral way of handling the question. You’re not promising anything and you’re not insulting anybody. The way he answered was beyond stating an opinion - it was rude and that is my main problem with it.

“He gets flustered at cons! He’s shy!”

He has done this before. He’s insulted Destiel before - sometimes to the point where he seemed to support Dean and Cas not having any sort of relationship. He’s never apologized. You know who else is shy? Me. And you guys aren’t gonna say “she gets flustered” before sending me hate for saying this about Jensen. No, you’re gonna attack me anyway. I’m barely an adult and he’s a middle-aged man but you’d be fine with ripping me a new one for critiquing his PR skills. That makes sense.

“Destiel is a fanservice ship.”

No, it isn’t. It’s the exact opposite. People ship Destiel because Cas and Dean have practically tangible chemistry and if one of them were a chick, they’d have banged a long time ago. Don’t fight me on this - it’s true. The biggest argument against it being fanservice is the fact that fans aren’t getting anything they want. They get queerbaiting instead. As I’ll discuss later, you cannot compare the average straight ship with a queer ship. They’re not the same. They don’t get canon/debunked for the same reasons. They’re not treated the same by the creators so we as fans can’t lose sight of their differences either. Hello? Homophobia exists? Jesus, you’d think this goes without saying.

“People shouldn’t ask ship related questions anyway.”

I’ve seen this one debunked already, but I feel like it needs to be said more to get into some people’s thick skulls. I guess I agree. The cast is not responsible for deciding where the story will go. They do not decide which ship becomes canon or not and even though they have views of where a character’s mindset is at times, they can’t be the final authority. I honestly couldn’t care less if Jensen is made uncomfortable by these questions, though. Mainly this is because he isn’t uncomfortable with people talking about straight ships or even about Dean fucking his car. Honestly? Getting “flustered” by a question about a queer ship is fucking pathetic. Jensen. You’re a grown ass man. Grow up. You’re not Dean. No one is accusing you of not being a straight man, okay? No need to be so defensive. Your masculinity isn’t being called into question, so you can put away your macho act and be a human being again, okay?

“Destiel doesn’t exist.”

Where? On the show? Maybe not. They are fictional characters, if that’s what you mean. No, it isn’t real. Neither is Dean Winchester. Neither is Castiel. None of it exists, in reality. But in regards to the fictional realm, what Jensen said was stupid because it simply wasn’t true. Destiel does exist. Thousands of fans interpret Cas and Dean’s relationship to be romantic and thus, to some extent, it exists. I wasn’t gonna say anything about queerbaiting, but the amount of unscripted touching between the two on the show should raise eyebrows now if it doesn’t exist. But if it really and truly doesn’t exist then where is all the defensiveness coming from? Why are people wasting their time making anti-blogs about it, if there’s no threat of it becoming canon? Why are people so passionate about hating it if it isn’t real? You guys do all the arguing for me, don’t you?

This isn’t a common argument, but you get this a lot: “Good job, Jensen, for telling those Destihellers off.”

Jensen Ackles, this is a warning. You’re getting yourself associated with the wrong sort. You do not want people to think you’re warming up to them, I promise. It is probably the shittiest PR move you could make, aligning yourself with homophobes. Don’t be proud of what you said. It was rude and cold and you were insulting a lot of the SPNfamily in the process. No one is saying you have to support Destiel, but this is disgusting.

Okay - here it goes (this has to be said):

It’s been five days since Trump was inaugurated into the presidency and he’s already promised to eliminate LGBT+ rights by placing FADA on his list of priorities. Jensen, you shouldn’t have said anything that could be construed as homophobic. Queer kids all over the country are terrified of how they’ll be treated in the future if FADA gets passed. Right now, you should be supporting these kids, helping them trust themselves, helping them feel assured. Instead, you’re bashing what a lot of people like me are clinging to. You can argue I’m just distracting from the argument, but this is relevant. Jensen is American. He knows what’s going on. Within days of Trump’s inauguration (was it two days after? I don’t remember.), he’s put salt on a wound.

It’s rare to find an LGBT+ character on TV who isn’t a goddamn stereotype. Bi and trans characters are especially hard to find. Bi characters are often ridiculously one-dimensional - a bi girl has a threesome, a bi guy is hiding that he’s actually gay. A lot of bi people like me love that Dean (who we interpret to be bisexual) is not a stereotype. He isn’t what straight people look at and think of as “gay” or “bi”. We cling to him because we’re living in a world where even people in the LGBT+ community can be biphobic. And Jensen just spat in our faces.

Speaking of, can all you non-bi or pan LGBT+ folk please stop using that when defending him? As in, please stop saying “as an LGBT+ person, y’all are overreacting”. If you’re not bi, this might not hurt you as much. I’ve seen gay people actually say “Destiel wouldn’t do anything for gay representation”. In actuality, we’re aiming for bi representation and seeing as you’re gay you have no right to say what would or wouldn’t help in terms of representation. I’m bi and I’m not overreacting. Other bi people out there who had their hearts broken aren’t overreacting. Though, as LGBT+, you should be concerned too. This is about a lot more than just a ship, guys. Thanks to homophobia, not all ships are created equal, and straight ships are not the same as queer ones.

I used to watch Gossip Girl when I was in middle school (embarrassing, I know). Every possible combination of straight ships had at some point become canon - even the more far-fetched ones. Every single one. I’ve since started disliking the show, but it is a useful comparison. No one complains when people bring up Dean/Amara (which was canonically nonconsensual) or Dean/Lisa at cons. They’re ships, too! I thought ships weren’t an appropriate topic at cons? Or is it okay because they’re straight? Is it okay because they actually have a shot? The fact that queer ships are clung onto so desperately due to the likelihood of them never coming true is tragic. We shouldn’t be afraid to say we ship something gay. We shouldn’t be afraid to bring it up in conversation. We should feel the same wobbly uncertainty that is inspired by straight ships. It should be a question of “will they won’t they” (and not in a queerbaiting way) instead of a feeling of “well, I know because it’s gay it’ll never happen but I still think it’s cute.” Most fan-favorite straight ships become canon in some way or another (across the board, in all TV shows) while queer ships are sneered at and thought of as taboo (the fact that Dean/Elena - a ridiculous straight crack ship - gets less hate and question marks than Destiel is a pretty good example of this. Honestly, you guys are fucking sad sometimes).

Why do we have to give up or surrender our ship just because it’s gay? That’s bullshit and I refuse.

I’m not saying Jensen is homophobic, I guess. Don’t attack me for it (or if you do, don’t use any of the arguments I’ve refuted. You’ll look like an idiot). He is obviously uneducated in regards to this. His comment was thoughtless and ignored context and timing. He said something rude that hurt people for all sorts of reasons. He has room to grow and if he does come forward and patch this up, I’ll be the first one to cry tears of joy. I’m against people sending him hate or death threats. Please don’t. Not only is that disgusting, but it sure as hell doesn’t convince him that we’re reasonable people who just want their ship acknowledged.

Also, if someone accuses you of being homophobic, instead of being defensive, maybe think of why they’d say so, and fix that.

Don’t be too quick to defend him. He’s an adult. He can do that himself. All you LGBT+ people out there shouldn’t be apologizing for him, either. Stand by those of us who are genuinely and rightfully hurt. What he said isn’t okay and nobody who’s hurt here is overreacting. If you think this isn’t a big deal, you’re not looking at the whole picture. There is a war being fought in regards to LGBT+ representation in media and someone claiming that gay-shippers are delusional is not helping.

I’m actually hoping that this will receive 0 notes and no one will see it. Like I’ve said, I’m super shy and I don’t really wanna tag this with anything someone will find but at the same time, it annoys me how this has gotten brushed over. I’m posting so late because it took a while for me to actually process my thoughts into something comprehensible.

#spn wank #spn #fuck man im actually scared #so much for protecting the flustered right?

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