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lilyrizzy · 2 years

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elaborate on ur thoughts for maxiel on married at first sight 👀

okay, never in a million years do i think max would ever go on reality tv BUT my thoughts if he did under the cut

okay so obviously they see each other for the first time at the wedding and i think the level of attraction is different. like, initially daniel is like, 'okay, he's kinda cute, i can work with this,' whereas max is like, 'oh my god, this man is so beautiful, he is perfect, wow.' but the problem is, max doesn't show that. in fact, max doesnt show much of ANYTHING to begin with, at least not in the way daniel is used to.

because daniel is good at performing right, so when it comes to the vows, he's cracking jokes, making max's mum and victoria laugh (obvs j*s is not there), saying the cheesy shit they all say like 'i knew i wanted to marry you from the moment i met you,' and 'this is a leap of faith but i'm ready to jump with you, baby,' whereas max is like taking it very seriously, almost to the point of like... not seeming into it? like he says stuff like, 'i will try to like you, i hope also that you will like me, i want to be a very good husband,' because thats the truth! he cant lie and say like, he wants to spend his life with daniel, because he doesnt know him yet. but to daniel it seems a little...cold, so he's not sure how to feel about his new husband.

at the reception, max is even more awkward, doesn't know how to start conversation and barely answers the questions daniel asks him.

'what music do you like?' 'i do not listen to a lot of music.'

'what do you do for fun?' 'i like to play fifa.'

'what do you do for a job?' 'i am a car mechanic.'

and daniel is sinking lower and lower into his chair like, fuck, what have i done, i've got to spend the next few weeks with a guy who clearly doesnt have any social skills. meanwhile, max is like, wow, daniel wants to know so much about me:) he is a good listener:) he is doing all the talking because he can tell this is hard for me:) or something lol. doesnt realise hes being rude, he just- he cant do this with the camera in his face, okay?

then in the bedroom, on their wedding night max realises that maye its not been going as well as he thought because he tries to kiss daniel, but daniel just laughs, stepping away gently and saying, 'guess ill take the couch right?' because he thinks that. well max is really young? what if hes just in this for the fame, the quick money, what if hes doing this now because he feels he has to? daniel doesnt want it to be like that, okay. its not what hes here for. but to max, he's like. oh:(. he'd thought- but of course daniel doesnt want to sleep in the bed with him, because look at him and look at daniel.

then i think the misscommunication continues for a bit of their honeymoon. they both think the other doesnt like each other, and max says even less now because if daniel doesnt want to even kiss him, then what is the point trying to be husbands? so they avoid each other a little, until daniel eventually thinks, fuck it, i gotta *try*, because he cant have max say leave and go home in the first week okay? his friends (michael) bullied him so badly for doing this, so it has to be worth it.

so he sneaks max out to some romantic beach picnic without the cameras (btw theyre in the caribbean or something idk), gets them both tipsy and he asks, 'why did you even come on the show?' and because the cameras arent here, max can be honest and say, 'my sister, she has two babies. and i tried to find somebody who would want this also, but with me. but always, men wanted sex and then when instead i tried to go for breakfast the next day, they would just laugh and leave. maybe it is because i am bad at it, but i did not do it at all for a long time, because my dad-'

and then max breaks off, and daniel tugs him into his arms and is like, 'its okay max. somebody to build a life with, thats what i wanted too.' then he kisses max, and it's not like on the wedding day, a peck in front of their parents, it's deep and there's tongue and max can't help but push for more and more, to push daniel back into the sand and grind against him until daniel is like, 'why dont i be the judge of how bad you really are?' and then they have like, mindblowing sex over and over, for the rest of the honeymoon.

and im not saying the sex like, fixes everything, but i think max feeling wanted sexually by daniel soothes a lot of the insecurities inside him that were making it hard for him to open up to him in other ways? like the next morning in bed he's a little shy when daniel cracks a load of jokes about how very much not bad in bed he is, but he’s also laughing and laughing, and when daniel starts a conversation over breakfast, suddenly max is chatting his ear off. and he is still is a little awkward infront of the cameras, but in private, they start to build something real. he can banter back with daniel now, give as good as he gets, even if the jokes are dorky and not funny to anyone else. to daniel they're cute and because he knows what max was like before, he can see how hard max is trying.

and daniel doesnt know when it happens, but one day everythinggg max does just becomes endearing. all of max's little quirks, his bluntness, his black and white thinking, daniel realises this is max and he really really likes max. max isnt pumping his tires because he wants something from daniel, he genuinely thinks daniel is hilarious and sexy and kind. and because daniel knows this, he feels he can be *real* with max, in a way hes never been before? like, max likes daniel the showman, but he also just likes daniel.

i genuinely think its like, a whirlwind romance after that. they tell each other they love each other before they even come back from the honeymoon, the viewers at home are rolling their eyes declaring it will never last.

but it does :) after the initial struggle, they become the low maintenance couple that just vibe the whole time lol. daniel waffle's about how much they get on with each other at each comittment ceremony, while max is like, 'yes things are good:)' and dies inside the time the intimacy expert asks if theyve had sex or not, and how was it. daniel just winks and says no complaints, but refuses to give anymore away bc thats private and he knows max doesnt want it out there.

the only time they get into any drama is when daniel sticks up for max, declaring his love publically to the group for the first time, when one of the girls is being mean and saying that max has the personality of a cabbage and she doesnt understand what daniel sees in him. or when max (bc he’s defo the one to get put with the girls even though it should be daniel) gets a little outwardly jealous when all the girls answer 'daniel' when asked who they think the hottest husband is at those awkward group days (shoutout to the episode that aired just haha) but inside he’s preening, like, hell yeah, thats my man.

then when it ends, they post an update on insta like, yeah we are still together, here are our two cats & also we got married for real:)

the end lol

#what even is this lmao #i wrote this in 15 minutes so like #enjoy my terrible grammar and spelling #sorry its so long oops #max/daniel #fic #kinda #look lorna i wrote an au!

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lottiecrabie · 1 year

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I fear this new line cook! matty content is driving me to a point of no return... the asylum is calling me rn

why does the concept of a more greasy, gross and depraved matty turn me on MORE? like the concept of being younger (but not so young it's weird cmon now, no nonce vibes) and him corrupting you... YUP!!!!

do you have any concept on how it all starts? my brain goes to you need the extra money and host! Adam needs someone to stay late one night and clean, so he asks if you'll do it. you reluctantly agree bc you really need the cash but think you're alone in the restaurant so you have music full blast whilst cleaning and eventually from behind you hear "nice music taste sweetheart would've have guessed you were a - fan" (I can't think of an appropriate musician rn so you fill in the blank.) Obviously you scream and turn around to see sweaty and slightly gross (but unbelievably attractive) line cook matty leaning on the door into the kitchen with a lazy smirk on his face.

one thing leads to another, and you eventually start chatting and are sitting at a table across from each other when he pulls his cigs out and goes, "you don't mind if I smoke in here right love?" and you get all shy and embarrassed and say "no no it's fine... I've never actually smoked a cigarette before, you know?" and this is just like catnip to him bc GOD you're so innocent and cute. you ask to try one if thats okay but he doesn't want you hurting your pure lungs so says "okay sweetheart how about this, instead of you getting your own one and hurting those pretty lungs, let me shotgun you" he then has to explain what shotgunning is bc you're just that new to everything and he's trying to deny in his mind that it makes you even hotter.

he pats the chair next to him and says, "come and sit here babe, it'll be easier." so you shyly get up and shuffle over whilst matty tries not to obsess over how sweet you smell and how short your skirt is riding up your thighs. "I'm gonna take a drag, and then as I breathe out the smoke, you're going to breathe it in. can you do that sweetheart?" obviously completely enthralled by this hot guy teaching you how to smoke you nod and shuffle closer saying "okay" and matty has to close his eyes and force himself to breathe bc of how soft and innocent you sounded. he takes a drag and grabs the back of your head, and out of instinct you grab the his arm and lean in. as he breathes out, you breathe in with a shy smile on your face. he stops and says, "good job baby, now breathe it into your lungs a little... there you go, good girl, " and if you weren't already coughing and spluttering from trying to inhale, that comment would have made you do it anyway.

you do that a couple more times, and then your phone is vibrating on the table. you look and say "shit it's 11pm already?? my roommate was expecting me home hours ago. oh god I've gotta go" you start grabbing everything and then suddenly freeze. matty notices and is like "love? everything okay?" and you sigh and go "not exactly... I forgot Sam (a fellow waitress idk) was my lift home and I can't walk home at this time. I don't know what to do" and matty being the gentleman he is says "don't worry baby ill give you a lift" you stare at him slightly anxious but so excited at the concept of more time with him in a smaller space and go "really matty?" and he just scoffs and goes "of course love, what kind of bloke would I be leaving a pretty young girl like you stranded huh?"

you get his car and tell him your address, he goes to turn the ignition and the car backfires (idk if that's how it actually works I cannot drive lmao) so obviously you jump and he instinctively puts his hand on your thigh and goes "its okay darling just the car warming up don't worry" you just nod with a red face trying not to overthink the fact that he's touching you and keep a straight face. matty sees right through you so keeps his hand there, takes it off to change gears and puts it right back to see you get re-flustered everytime.

eventually you get to your place and he walks you to your door you say "really thank you again I appreciate it" and he's like "it's okay I'm glad you're home safe" . not wanting to be too creepy, he goes in to kiss your cheek but in some bold confidence boost you turn and kiss him on the lips. he shoots back and looks at you and starts to say "look love i-" but when he looks back at you with your lips slightly parted and they're red and puffy and you're looking up at him with doe eyes he can't help himself so he just goes back in full force groaning and how soft your lips are and how sweet you taste when he licks in your mouth. it gets hot and heavy pretty quick, so out of breath from kissing matty asks "now where did that come from angel? what happened to the pretty little thing who didn't know what shogunning was huh?" and giggling you respond with assured nods and sarcastically say "it must be the cigarettes, you're such a bad influence" and flutter your eyelashes at him. whilst in this strangely confident state you ask, "Do you want to come upstairs?" and matty just smirks and says "not tonight love but come see me in my office tomorrow and we can definitely discuss this more" so you get all shy and say "okay then... I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" and turn to put your key in and he goes "oh you certainly will sweetheart you aren't getting away that easily" which makes you giggle and walk away with slightly more sway in your hips than necessary. you turn back and see him standing there through the lift doors so you do a coy little wave and matty teasingly does the exact same wave back as the doors shut.

I'm SO sorry this got so long and I'm not a writer so ignore all the shit BUT you get my concept

anways going to get a lobotomy now brb

SCREAMING don’t say you’re not a writer that was so good!! also so so funny to receive a full blown blurb into my ask like damn we are switching places here! didn’t even have to write it for the thoughts to exist🥰 felt like i was being serenaded with smut. (and when i do a reverse blurb night where i post prompts and other people send the blurbs in instead🤨)

‘why does greasy, gross and depraved turn me on more’ that is the linecook paradox that is the ultimate question!!!

omg he would 100% drive her home anytime she’s closing Even before they’re ever hooking up. he’s just not letting a young pretty girl like her walk alone at night. also i Love shotgunning in stories (it’s literally in my smut ideas list😭) like damn getting all close and personal with ur lips??🤭 why so sensual

#loved this!#you should def write more bff #linecook!au #ask

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straycalamities · 4 months

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For Andrew > 🍕🩷🧠🥊

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

ill be honest. i forgot. i dont keep track of that very well for any ocs besides spook (bc its was based on one of my bestest fwiend's fav foods so i'll never forget it)

something savory, though. i know he really likes savory, hot meals over other things because it reminds him of his dad who he has a decent relationship with. and eventually his bestie ji-hoon likes to make him good meals to help him with his depression. so he has very good associations with a nice, full plate of food.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

in a bittersweet way, it's whenever his mom would rarely actually fully praise him for something because 99% of the time she's cold, strict, and stoic. he ends up holding the same for julian and the times julian was super nice to him, but they eventually get soured when he realizes that it was probably all just a honeytrap. all part of the manipulation tactics.

straight up good memories usually come from joyriding in a nice car or on a motorcycle. or when he met ji-hoon and they clicked rly well. or had a lavish date with a guy who didnt last, but it was a nice time regardless. when he first got a telescope. or when he first got one of his pets. a silly moment with alana. stuff like that.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

i like...everything about him AAAA what do i even pick out...

i guess my favorite thing about him is how real he feels to me. like out of all my ocs i feel like he's the most that's like...that could be a real person. i've based a lot of him off my experiences or other people i've known so i think that's why. and so he's kinda like..a culmination of things i love and also the experiences and people that have been in my life. like a love-letter to my ?? living?? idk that sounds cheesy

i also think out of all my ocs he'd be the one i'd most like to be friends with if he were real. i could be friends with a bunch of them, but i think him and i would actually be close.

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

like i said in the memories answer, he LOVES joyriding especially at night. nighttime joyriding is his default coping mechanism for like..anything and everything. he loves tinkering with things to figure out how it goes together and/or works. he loves listening to music. he loves watching golden hollywood era films or 80s cheesy flicks or cult classics. he loves just. watching his pet snake or tarantulas do their thing. he loves going out into the nightlife of the city. nighttime is his time and he loves being around people even if he's also a socially anxious and awkward mess. he loves meeting people and bonding with them over music or other things. he's a former partyboy so..he likes getting wild but in his later 20s he's a LOT more careful about it lol. and any of the previous stuff is 10x better if someone else is doing it with him or just parallel-playing with him if nothing else. he just REALLY likes being around and connecting with other humans.

he hates monotony though. he needs to switch it up and pretty often. he hates being around anyone that is just like straight up using him or toying with him. he can get down w like..yall are both just enjoying each others company for the moment and nothing else, but like..as a victim of major manipulation and abuse, he's got no time for any red flags like that anymore. he also hates doing things that are clearly a waste of time. like busywork or stuff like that he can't stand it. he also hates arguing lmao. he's pretty stubborn and hard-headed himself and he KNOWS it so he tries to just avoid arguments when he can because no ones gonna come out of it a winner. also he's not an emotional vault like ace is, he's pretty open with them for the most part, but he hates talking about the stuff that Truly bothers him like the mom issues or the julian stuff.

#asks #full-frontal-lotus #these were all THINKERS gotdam #thank you for them tho #andrew cho

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concordefliesinmyroom · 1 year

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introduction !!!

hii !!!! my name is Violet. i am a really big fan of art & whatnot (basic). i have been taking on a little bit of a personal challenge 2 listen 2 at least one new album every day & ive been working on that challenge for about 1.5 years now !!! i looove talking about art and sharing my thoughts and 4 the past year or so i have been posting all my thoughts and media analysis and whatnot onto my Instagram story, but i have always wanted 2 start posting my thoughts somewhere that is more.... permanent, i guess? bc Instagram stories expire after 24 hours yk. anyways. i finally made a Tumblr blog !!!!! i am COMPLETELY new 2 Tumblr. so i apologize in advance if my blog is like informal or not very "good" quality by Tumblr standards or whatever else i will get better !!!

here is what u can expect from this page:

i am going to post music reviews/recommendations most likely, as well as film & literature & all of that stuff. whenever i see a piece of media that interests me enough 2 want 2 talk abt it im gonna use this blog 2 share my thoughts !!!!

i also am really interested in philosophy, i am only just now formally getting into it, but i have been thinking about that sort of stuff and asking questions like that 4ever. erm. i wouldnt call myself a philosopher bc that feels pretentious but i aspire 2 be a philosopher eventually. ill probably post abt that sort of stuff as well. i am also VERY interested in sociology, psychology, anthropology, political science... pretty much anything like that. i just love learning about things in general EVERYTHING is so fascinating 2 me but especially humanity.

i am a bit interested in politics as well !!!! i dont like to use any labels 4 my political ideas bc i feel like those can be limiting & contribute 2 close-mindedness but if i had 2 describe my alignment in any way i am probably pretty far-left. although i am completely open 2 hearing everyone's ideas!

i might also post about other things as well, im not sure yet !!!

some info abt me:

i am a girl, so, she/her pronouns ig !

i am 16 years old (well im 15 but i turn 16 in two weeks)

i am a member of the LGBTQ community

my handle on most social media sites is yourdadcosplay if u want 2 follow me anywhere else !!! (i dont do cosplay or anything~ when i was 13 i heard some guy on tiktok say the phrase "your dad cosplay" and i thought that combination of words was super funny so i made it into my username on instagram and then it just kind of stuck. and i use that on everything now. only reason i didnt use it 4 my tumblr is bc i didnt want ppl 2 think my blog was a cosplay blog or something idk)

my favorite music artists r: Black Country New Road, Kimya Dawson, Death Grips, Xiu Xiu, and Car Seat Headrest !!!!

my favorite album of all time is Ants From Up There and my favorite movie of all time is Everything Everywhere All at Once, both of those pieces came out in the year 2022.

my favorite book is the manga Goodnight Punpun by Inio Asano, and its actually the book that made me fall in love with literature.

im currently working on creating my own website!!! i dont know anything about HTML though, so it will be a long process.

i dont believe in astrology rlly but i am a Gemini.

my iq is 122 or something around that i dont remember the number i just remember im in the 93rd percentile

i am an INFP

boundaries:

i do try my absolute best to be open-minded and tolerant towards everyone's ideas and beliefs; even those which i disagree with. i actually encourage ppl who disagree with anything i say 2 challenge me or discuss/debate with me. that being said, if u r not willing 2 have a civil and open-minded discussion with me, and if ur only interest is arguing, then i will ask u 2 pls leave me alone. i love talking 2 ppl who have ideas different than my own, but i do not wish 2 engage in any immature internet beefs or anything of that sort.

pls, 4 the love of god, if u r the type of person who gets offended over every little thing; if u r more concerned with petty discourse & things that have no significance 2 any real-life problems; if u lack media literacy; or if u r otherwise just unintelligent, then PLEASE dont interact with my page.

i try my absolute best 2 be a good person. if i ever do anything that u find 2 be morally offensive (this is not just if i say something that makes u feel a bit of angst, but if i say something that u feel is actually problematic.) or if we r interacting directly & i make u uncomfortable, PLEASE TELL ME! i hate it when ppl have problems with me that could easily be resolved but they just dont tell me. it makes me anxious.

also, pls note:

just because i talk about a certain piece of media or art or literature on this blog does not necessarily mean that i agree with the ideas expressed in that blog or even that i like that piece. i try my best to think 4 myself and i do not take all of the ideas that r expressed 2 me as the absolute truth. just because i read any given book does not mean that i necessarily agree with its ideas; the same goes 4 all of the topics i discuss here.

as a large part of this blog is abt media discussion & whatnot, i want 2 say that i am absolutely open 2 any art. and i will not avoid any piece of media just because it is allegedly problematic.

most of this page is dedicated 2 sharing and discussing my ideas on various topics like art, philosophy, politics, and such. i dont think that im going 2 be posting or saying anything that is incredibly morally offensive or anything, and 2 be honest i dont even think my ideas r particularly radical or controversial, but, if there ever does come a time when i might have a potentially controversial idea, i wont hesitate 2 share it. im not going 2 censor myself or sugarcoat my beliefs on this blog just 2 avoid discourse.

all of that being said, this blog is not 2 be taken 100% seriously either. i will talk abt serious topics on here, but i like 2 laugh as well! u should not assume that anything i say is 100% serious or 100% satirical. that SHOULD be a given, but on my Instagram account, i have had a worrying amount of interactions with ppl who got mad at me 4 things bc they assumed i was serious when i wasnt or vice versa.

ok, that is all !!! thx 4 reading !!!

#introductory post #first post #death grips #xiu xiu #kimya dawson #musicposting #girlblogging

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sebyth · 9 months

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Cross-posting this from my twatter (it will never be "x" to me, fuck that fucking jackass). Personal experience anecdotes to give context for why I feel a certain way about Certain Recent Fandom Drama. It's kinda long (didn't even count how many tweets it took up) so putting it under a read-more. Keeping most of the formatting as it was in my tweets, except a couple that were run-on. Fixing a handful of spelling errors and gonna change my on-twitter use of "unalive" back to "suicide".

tw suicide mention, tw bullying, tw mental illness

I have been angry for almost two days and have not been sure if I should say anything about it, or if that would make things even worse. So I am gonna talk about myself for a bit and work up to it. It's gonna start with my childhood and end up with fandom drama, if I finish.

When I was a kid I was weird and didn't get along with people very well. I still am not sure why. There are mental health reason that might be it or maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm just weird and off-putting in general. My report cards always had "doesn't get along well with others".

There is one memory I have when I was maybe 8 and watching some of my classmates be fawned over by older girls (like 11 years old) and hugging them. So I ran up with my arms out for a hug too and they looked at me with revulsion and turned away.

It never really got better from there. Later in jr high (that would be about 13, 14 years old maybe), I had no friends and had learned that I wasn't gonna have friends so I didn't waste my energy trying. I hung out with the other two kids who also had no friends.

This was before the internet mind you, late 1980s maybe early 1990s. One day a rumour started circulating that a letter had been found, which was supposedly us three talking about each other sexually (I never saw this letter so idk the details). It spread over the school fast.

On top of the jeers and scolding from everyone in class at us (nothing we said made any difference), walking the halls to get to the next class had everyone from other grades looking at us like we were monsters. This really affected me for years.

In high school one of the two other kids got friends, the other moved away, and I spent all my time alone. Even though there were new people at the school I didn't try to make friends because I knew people from my school would tell them about me being gross and awful.

In my first year of university my roommate asked to transfer to another room fairly quickly because "I was a witch" apparently. Luckily the rez staff didn't escalate even though it was a religious-adjacent university. At least I got a double room to myself for the year.

Eventually I decided to go full weirdo. If people were gonna treat me like a freak my entire life I might as well do what I want. I cut my hair however I wanted, I wore decorative paint on my face, I started making and altering clothes however I wanted.

I sometimes even smiled when I'd be walking down the street and hear things like "omg is that guy wearing a -dress-?! wait is that a guy…" Though people shouting "freak" etc suddenly from cars passing by never got easier.

I got the idea that maybe it was because I lived in a small town. In a small province with small-minded people. Maybe if I went somewhere big, a city with lots of people, I'd find people like me to be friends with. And surely I wouldn't be so eye-catching in a city.

So I moved to Ottawa and almost the next day started getting people STILL shouting "freak" and "it's not Halloween" at me. I tried to make friends but I still didn't seem to fit in and had a falling out with those people too. That was the first time I tried to kill myself.

Well that made people hate me even more I guess. Every time I started hanging out with a new person, it would end quickly. I started finding out that anyone I hung out with would get phone calls warning them about me. Not to hang out with me.

I'm unstable, I tried to commit suicide, I'm no good, or whatever else they were saying. My current friend S was one of the few people who stuck with me despite his ex gf from ANOTHER CITY who had NEVER MET ME calling him to warn him that she heard I was bad news.

I stopped leaving the apartment. I stopped trying to make friends. Something was clearly wrong with me, and i would never find people like me. Was I the problem? Was other people the problem? I don't know even to this day I struggle with this.

One of the last times I bothered to talk to my mother I was complaining about people yelling shit at me when I walked around outside and her response was "you're just dressing like that for attention aren't you, why are you surprised people do that"

I was like "no you dumb bitch I'm dressing like this because it is ME and i don't know why people need to yell at me for it". But I thought if that is the message people are receiving then maybe I should never go outside in front of people again.

So I was a shut-in for about 10 years with depression and anxiety and my only support was a guy who had problems of his own and we helped keep each other alive until he couldn't anymore for Reasons. And I did finally get help. But I still can't fucking socialize.

So I never really participated in fandoms much and I still found it very hard to know how to make friends or be a friend or anything like that. Every social attempt seems like a failure waiting to blow up in my face and have everyone telling everyone that I'm bad.

And it is with shame that I realize I was kinda doing the same thing when I heard that "mods of the tyk/qy zone might be whalers or anti-cpf" and went to dms to warn someone that it might be the case even though I personally couldn't find any proof of that being the case.

And I'd heard that it was being investigated by reasonable people so to sit tight and wait for more info. It did seem a bit odd to me that given how heavy-handed I've been blocking whalers that none of these people were blocked by me. Then it breached containment.

If you don't know who or what I'm talking about it, don't worry about it, but a big-social-pull person made a post declaring that everyone involved with the zine are "whalers" and that everyone should be aware. But they didn't include any proof. Usually people calling out c>

whalers in this fandom the most loudly and obnoxiously are like "omg look at dez whalerz " And now it looks like we've gone fully into "I said they are whalers so they are whalers" territory.

If the mods of the zine are doing bad shit, that should be addressed (with fucking evidence maybe at least). But "friends with someone who liked a whaler's post one time" is not evidence of wrongdoing. And being said by a person whose words carry weight should have proof.

Especially in the damn fandom where a man's life was destroyed by "he's near a evil place he's secretly evil I heard he had a girlfriend when he wasn't supposed to have one omg look his hand is up in this photo"

I feel like I'm caught in the middle, because i get where fans of the books come from. They don't want to have to keep up with ZZH's case etc just to enjoy stories that existed before he played his role in the show. But I also get that his fans feel like they are taking advantage of his image and the popularity of WoH while disregarding him if they don't keep up with the case. And I get that people deal with this terrible grief-causing situation with ZZH in all kinds of ways, be that moving all their focus onto GJ and looking for every scrap of gesture or clothing as proof that ZZH is okay, or be that being fans of a guy who sorta vaguely looks like ZZH who is doing stuff they can interact with. I was fine with just blocking the people who were excited about "new ZZH" so I don't have to see it. But this whole "rooting out secret whalers" and "everyone is a whaler if they looked at a whaler once and didn't immediately renounce zsj or whatever" bullshit Is really getting out of hand.

And on top of that maybe it's my paranoia but it's a little fucking convenient that this thing has shown up to drive a bigger wedge between book fans and show/actor fans as we get closer to the second anniversary of 813.

And I guess I should state clearly my stance for when the hounds inevitably come for me for being a bad person AGAIN. I don't believe the instagram/zsj. I am not a cpf. I have nothing against cpfs or GJ, he just doesn't spark joy for me like ZZH does and I'm not into RPF/RPS.

But I'm also a god damned adult and a very old one at that so I just don't bother with stuff I am not interested in. People like RPF/RPS and that is awesome for them! I don't wanna fucking see zsj stuff so I block it so I don't have to see it.

And if the mods of the zine are doing shady things, call it out with PROOF. OF THOSE THINGS. Even if that thing is "looked at zsj and didn't turn away" show some PROOF. OF THE THING, IN THE CALLOUT POST.

#angry at fandom #frustrated at whisper campaigns #disappointed in myself for doing the same thing #tw suicide mention #tw bullying #tw mental illness #tw zsj mention #Zhang Zhehan fandom drama

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maschotch · 2 years

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Sjejfjej your tags abt jj are so funny i love them

Do you hate her for real or is it for funsies? I wanna read more abt your opinions on her youre cool

ahhhhhh ok i know people are gonna hate me for this but honestly fuck it

this is way longer than i thought it was gonna be so its going under a read-more

tw self harm, homophobia, suicide mention

jj had never been my favorite. i think she could’ve been cool? maybe?? idk like she’s the only one on the team with blue eyes so thats already a red flag. then as soon as she becomes a mom, they make that her entire personality--suddenly identifying with and empathizing with mothers that... i guess she didnt?? before?? like now for some reason she’s able to understand what they’re going through as if she was just pretending to care before and didn’t really give a shit. she has suuuuch white centrist pro-life energy. but i decided i full on hated her in the episode in season 10: the itch

essentially the premise is that a bunch of people have various mental illness that makes them feel real or imagined pain, and from that come nightmarish delusions like bugs crawling in their skin. a lot of these are so horrible that people will self harm, either willingly or subconsciously. the unsub obviously takes this way too far and starts killing people, etc, but he makes a friend: someone who doesn’t know about the murders and killings but who identifies with his suffering and paranoia and they bond over showing their scars from self harm. it’s clearly an extremely emotional vulnerable moment for her and she’s spent her whole life embarrassed by her condition.

so eventually they find and interrogate this girl (again: she has no idea about the murders). she refuses to talk, so jj and kate take a different approach. they know that the closer to the truth they get, she’ll grow more uncomfortable, and the more uncomfortable she gets, she’ll scratch herself. they force this woman, who’s been manipulated by the unsub to further distrust the government, into self harming--something we see has been a lifelong issue and source of shame. and they take advantage of it. and they laugh about it.

after the whole ordeal and they find the guy save the victim etc etc jj is dropping off the girl. and she has the audacity to be mad when the girl isn’t thanking them for it. this girl was already wary of the government and instead of trying to gain her trust or explain things to her, they instantly resort to exploiting her mental illness and rely on her hurting herself to get what they need out of her. the girl feels rightfully exploited and violated, definitely traumatized by being put in that situation. criminal minds has always been a #copaganda show so its easy for viewers to forget how genuinely frightening and outright dangerous being forcefully detained by law enforcement can be. and jj is mad enough to get out of the car and follow her to her door and essentially demand gratitude.

and these characters aren’t perfect and the writers aren’t perfect and we really could just chalk it up to being a bad criminal minds moment. but hotch, in that same episode dealing with someone who has a similar mental illness with similar levels of paranoia, is able to communicate with that person without forcing her to harm herself. instead he takes the opposite approach and give her something he knows soothes it. so it’s not just a case of “whoops guess the writers blew it on this one” because they did just fine with it earlier. and for some reason jj’s upset that this girl was traumatized by how they took advantage of her. this whole show that’s supposedly about empathy and understand different kinds of mental illness and jj’s just like “okay but you should know better.”

i can’t remember what episode this is, but the episode where the 911 operator is kidnapping children and killing their mothers? there’s a mom struggling with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. when she’s going through an extreme suicidal episode, she drops her son off at her mother’s so he doesn’t have to witness any of it: she’s trying to protect him. and again, copaganda show, but they usually do a pretty good job of empathizing with the parent and assuaging their guilt: “it’s not your fault” “you couldn’t have known this was going to happen” “nothing you could’ve done would’ve changed the unsub’s desire to take a child” etc. but instead of showing any of that empathy, even as they’re discussing the case on the plane, jj immediately victim blames her. “how could she just leave her child like that? i’d never do that” and calls her a bad mother. which i mean sure she’s probably not number one mom on the planet but she has a severe mental illness and we see derek and spencer explore the house later and realize that, despite her depression, she keeps the house easy for a child to navigate independently. she obviously loves her son very much and, as we explicitly hear throughout the episode, the kid loves his mom too, even if he’s concerned for her safety. he has no illusions: he knows his mom is depressed and he knows she goes through hard periods and instead of resenting her, he just wants to be there for her and keep her from hurting herself. despite her illness she provides for him and supports him and makes sure she has happy memories no matter how she feels about herself.

when jj is talking with her (to be fair: doing her job and trying to see if she had anything to do with her child’s disappearance), she has such “I’m an Empath” moments. the mom, only thinking of getting her child back and being extremely cooperative and explaining what exactly happened that day, says she was having one of her bad days and just wasn’t capable of taking every step to insure the child’s safety: dropping him off was something she’d done before, the child knows the drill by now, she has no reason to believe he wasn’t capable of going inside grandma’s house on his own. (in fact the only reason he didn’t was because he trusted the man who took him: it didn’t matter if the grandma knew he was coming or not, the guy was going to get him anyway) but jj, empath extraordinaire, says “i understand these bad days that you have, i really do” despite clearly not understanding the severity of the mom’s illness. it was genuinely all she could do to drop him off and protect him in the only way she knew how. and jj’s thrown for a loop when the mom rolls back her sleeves and shows the multiple self harm scars. jj still doesn’t understand and still blames her for her child being taken, something that they almost never do on this show. i’m hard pressed to think of another time they ever do that.

but you know who also doesn’t like the mom and thinks the child would be better off without her? the unsub who kills her. not a peep from jj on that one.

to be fair both of these topics are extremely personal to me, because of my own expriences with self harm and depression and suicide, and my family history of the illnesses referenced that jj belittles. so i may be biased and more offended than i should be, but i’m still justified bc jj’s still clearly in the wrong

both of these are cases of jj disregarding, exploiting, or mocking mental illness. ableism, put bluntly. so rewatching the show (as i’ve done many times over :^)) and bearing that in mind, it’s suddenly easy to see the ways she’s behaved similarly throughout the show. she’s always the first one to make fun of spencer. and even though morgan is just as willing to joke around, morgan also makes it clear that he’s messing around. when spencer seems hurt by something, morgan goes “i’m just playin” and talks it out with him. jj just shuts him down or cuts him off and has no trouble telling everyone they interact with just how annoying he is, even when that person is genuinely interested in what he’s saying. and a lot of these instances are played off as hashtag girlboss moments but its at spencer’s expense every time.

it’s not just that either. she’s insensitive across the board. she will be IN THE ROOM with spencer/derek/hotch and say something like “i guess we all turn out like our fathers in the end” or “the abuse is always cyclical and there’s no escape”. she knows about their issues with their fathers/father figures (or in hotch’s case, what’s been implied that she apparently hasn’t picked up on) and will still repeat common insecurities and lifelong concerns abuse victims have about becoming their abuser. she repeats these misconceptions even when she’s supposed to be a profiler and should know better by now.

jj had potential. she really really did. but they absolutely butchered her character and while also making her suuuuper disrespectful to everyone else. they really love their white feminism girlboss moments on this show (elle and emily are not immune from this) but while elle’s moments are about supporting women and defending herself, and emily’s moments are about embracing her sexuality and quipping at men (again--these aren’t great in context either), jj’s is about identifying with toxic masculinity and making fun of neurodivergence.

jj as a character had potential. she really did. but they kept flip flopping on who her character was. when she became a mom she was a completely different person. when she came back in season 7 she wanted to be a profiler, despite her saying she would never want to do that in earlier seasons. she doesn’t have a personality because they give her a new one every couple seasons, so she’s difficult to identify with outside of her white feminist moments and ableism.

there were so many moments that they could’ve expanded on. like how the episodes about her romantic life are frequently linked with their “gay” episodes and how she always seems especially invested in cases involving violent homophobia. it would’ve been so so interesting if in “in heat” she would’ve come out as lesbian (something i always think they should’ve done!! especially when they have will explicitly say he would be understanding if something like that happened). so at this point i just think she’s a lesbian who grew up with such traditional moral values that she cannot shake so she just stays so deep in the closet that she won’t even admit it to herself. that makes her character so much more interesting to me and i have a lot of thoughts on ways she’s projected that onto her female friends who she kinda falls in love with--the closeted lesbian experienceTM. but i really can’t just ignore all the undeniable ableism: it’s so deeply ingrained in her character--one of the few traits that lasts all show for her.

i’m sure there are more things that i’ve left out and i’m sure @t4thotchniss can help me out because we’ve been talking about this for years but this is already so long i’m not gonna try to think of the rest of it. yeah jj just has those white feminist pinterest mom vibes. honestly it’s almost enough for me to stop watching the show, and episodes with her as the focus are always ones i skip on my rewatch because i just can’t stand her. her only saving grace is that she’s hot

#i just know she'd call me slurs i just know it #if you disagree i'd love to hear your explanations honestly bc i really just cant fathom how the entire fandom seems to forget these moments #not that every character is perfect--but goddamn they really make her the most ableist bitch out there huh #in a show where every other character is autistic smh #but i actually am very willing to have a discussion on this #asks #jennifer jareau #tyyyy for asking this tho bc i really do want to explain myself on this bc it is such a controverisal opinion in this fandom

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d0llpie · 3 years

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hey can i request prompt 47 with tanaka also super angsty like i want to cry

Miscarriage

tanaka x reader

Prompt: “i lost the baby”

Trigger warnings: miscarriage, heavy angst, like really a whole lot of painful angst just angst

a/n: thanks for the request, i hope you cry <3 I will be making a part 2 btw

wc: 2.6k part 2

You were arguing with Tanaka, again. It started when he came home around an hour ago, three hours past when you planned a date with him. It had taken ages for you to convince him to go on a proper date since he was always ‘busy’. You needed to tell him you were pregnant, wanted to celebrate with him. Instead you were left with 50 unread messages and Tanaka waltzing in the house as if nothing was wrong. When he came and kissed you on the cheek “hey baby” like nothing had happened you snapped. “Where the fuck were you Ryu?” you stood up from the kitchen bench and begun throwing accusation after accusation at him while he just stood shocked, belittling you for ‘overreacting’ at his ‘simple mistake’.

“Oh you want me to apologize for being stood up? Hm?” You throat felt raw from the screaming, desperately just wanting him to apologize and tell him about the baby so you could make up and move on. Tanaka, stubborn as ever, wouldn’t let that happen. “I never said that, you’re working yourself up, stop stressing yourself out.” His calm tone only irked you even more, he could at least pretend to care. “What were you doing that had you so pre-occupied? Or should I ask who?” he snapped his head towards you, visibly annoyed, at least you finally caught his full attention. “What the fuck y/n? Are you seriously accusing me of cheating because I forgot about your stupid date? You know we can go on a date any other time why are you acting like such a bitch right now? Fuck sake you’re so dramatic.” You fought back the tears in your eyes, slamming your fist down on the table “When was the last time we went on a date- a real one? I wanted to spend some time with you ALONE for once to talk to you, but instead you can’t even tell me why you were soo busy to even send me a text cancelling.” A few stray tears slipped out in frustration, but you continued to glare at him, egging him on further. “I was out with some friends Jesus y/n, why do you have to bring your insecurities into everything.” You were hit with a wave of nostalgia, he’d said that line to you when you started dating in high school.

“Tanaka, hey baby, I was wondering if you wanted to come to my class to eat lunch today, I want to tell you something” You smiled up at your boyfriend as he smiled back “Of course baby! I gotta go to practice, want to come watch?” he pecked your cheek quickly, smiling widely at you proudly “Oh sorry, I have to study for a text next period but I’ll see you at lunch!” his face dropped but the bell rang, signaling your next class “Bye Tanaka!” you waved cheerily as he walked back towards the gym.

y/n: Hi, I’m in my class for lunch now :) see you soon <3

read

You frowned holding the homemade lunch you had wanted to give him. After around 15minutes you realized he wasn’t coming. You went to the gym to see if he was there with Noya, you entered the gym and found them both watching Kiyoko with lovesick expressions on their faces, spewing out compliments profusely. “Tanaka.. hey” he looked over to see you in the doorway “Y/N, hey! What’s up?” you stood there in shock for a minute before clearing your throat “Um can I talk to you?” he looked over at Kiyoko who was ignoring Nishinoya before reluctantly making his way over to you. “How come you didn’t come to lunch” you frowned lightly and he sighed “Its not like you came to my practice either, plus, I was hanging out with my friends, don’t bring your insecurities into this I told you Kiyoko doesn’t like me.” He pouted and you felt your heart clench. “Do you still like her?” you whispered and although he heard you, he pretended he didn’t. You plastered on a fake smile before retreating to the classroom, ignoring his texts and calls for the rest of the day until he brought you a bouquet of roses the next day. It was your first of multiple fights over his obvious crush on his manager. Eventually you got sick of the fighting and sappy make-ups so you just ignored it, knowing he could never have her and was with you because he loved you. Right?

“Fine. I’m sorry for accusing you, I’m not sorry for everything else, why won’t you just fucking talk to me!” The exhaustion from fighting was catching up with you and you began to feel light-headed. “Because it’s not a big deal y/n! Wait-what’s wrong?” you sighed, leaning against the wall “It’s the fucking baby and this stupid fight what do you think.” You spat at him and he stopped thinking for a moment. “Baby?” you looked up to see him smiling nervously at you “Yeah you’d have known if you hadn’t stood me up.” He pinched the bridge of his nose “we’re having a baby, can you let this go?” you scoffed, done with this fight you stormed up to your shared bedroom, crawling into bed and staying as far from his side as possible. You placed a hand over your stomach, softly crying into the pillow while Tanaka stayed downstairs, opting to sleep on the couch.

Noya: Yoo how’d y/n take it?

Tanaka: she’s pregnant

Noya: oh shit, what’re you gonna do

Tanaka: what do you mean what am I gonna do? Raise a baby I guess, fuck idk man

Noya: that’s tough, Kiyoko is staying at mine😍 pray for me bro🙏🏼😩

Tanaka: lucky, i’m on the fucking couch

Noya: sucks🥶

He sighed before turning his phone off, fuck.

The next day you woke up to breakfast in bed and a very happy Tanaka smiling at you, “good morning, how are my babies feeling?” you wanted to roll your eyes and stay mad but you couldn’t deny the way your heart fluttered when he referred to you and your child as his babies. “good morning ryu..what’s all this?” you were expecting an apology like usual, or at least for him to acknowledge what happened “You’re eating for two now I guess! When’s your next appointment?” he seemed really freaked out so you placed a hand over his “next week, are you feeling okay?” you pressed the back of your hand against his forehead, he felt fine just a little sweaty. “I’m good, want to go out for dinner after work?” you were hesitant but nodded “You’ll come right?” it’s like his mood did a 180 when you said that “What’s that supposed to mean” he spoke through gritted teeth, trying to remain calm and collected. “You know…yesterday?” he scoffed “still hung up on that huh? You gonna berate me for every mistake I make when this baby pops out of you?” you were wide awake now “woah wait, I didn’t say that-“ “you accuse me of stuff, why can’t I do the same?” his tone was growing angrier by each syllable he spoke. You looked down in your lap, feeling your eyes well up with tears again. “Tanaka please stop” you whispered and he snapped “Yeah doesn’t feel great when you just want to stop but they keep going huh?” you don’t even remember why he was getting worked up, because you didn’t want him to stand you up again? You fiddled with your fingers and zoned out while he continued yelling.

You finally looked up when you heard the bedroom door close, breathing in deeply before hunching over as a sharp pain in your abdomen stopped you from making any big or sudden movements. You groaned out in pain, stopping Tanka immediately. Tanaka ran a hand over his head stressfully “are you okay? Shit. Uh, I’m going to call an ambulance” you groaned again “Call Yachi, she can take me I think we need some-“ tears pricked your eyes and you started to sweat “space, I’ll call you when I’m there.” You could see his eyes well up with tears. His hands were opening and closing, wanting to hold you but knowing better than to do that.

Yachi came over shortly after and lead you to the car. Tanaka saw the blood on your shorts and held his breath, letting a few tears roll down his cheeks. You were silent in the car over, crying softly and groaning in pain every few minutes. Yachi looked over worriedly at you, holding your hand and letting you squeeze her hand for reassurance. “Y/n don’t move ill get a nurse to help you out.” You arrived through the emergency section of the hospital and texted Tanaka

y/n: I’m going into the emergency room now

tanaka: okay, let me know what’s happening

He shut off his phone with a shaky breath, deciding to call his friends over.

Tanaka: Noya?

Noya: hey bro what’s up

Tanaka: Y/n’s in the hospital, can you come over?

Noya: What happened? Kiyoko is here man..

Tanaka: Bring her here, I don’t know what happened she started bleeding and crying

Noya: wtf? Did you hit her?

Tanaka: You know I’d never do that. I think it’s the baby…

Noya: We’re on our way, we have whiskey

Tanaka heard knocking and made his way to the door, he opened it to see Noya and Kiyoko there. “Hey, thank you both for coming.” he stepped aside to let them enter “So how’d the break-up go, is she okay?” he looked quizzically at Noya “You didn’t tell her?” he shook his head “sorry, we were watching a movie..” Tanaka looked unamused by Noya before turning to Kiyoko “We started fighting about me hanging with you guys instead of our date and she told me she was pregnant” Kiyoko looked at him disappointedly “You left a pregnant girl?!” it was unusual for Kiyoko to raise her voice but she felt horrible your you, she knew how much you loved Tanaka and she always felt guilty in high school for what you had to put up with, because of her. “What? No! I didn’t break up with her because she’s pregnant but now...I don’t know, she was bleeding and in pain and she’s in the emergency room now..” Kiyoko was restraining from slapping him, digging her nails into her palms. “Why aren’t you with your pregnant girlfriend, it’s bad enough you don’t love her and now this? You know a baby requires actually raising a human?” He dropped his head down, “I know, I already feel horrible…what if something’s happening to the baby?” he sat down on the couch, taking the bottle from Noya’s hand and taking a swig. “You can still raise a baby and not be together…” Noya spoke up, sitting down next to him while Kiyoko turned the tv on. “It’s not fair on you guys or the baby if you stay together.” He knew he was right, he’d been putting this off for too long, he settled for you and got comfortable with the live you showed him that eventually he stopped showing it back. He can’t remember when he fell out of love but he didn’t want to leave you, he loved you still he just wasn’t in love with you. Deep down you knew, you never let yourself think that for long though. Afraid you’ll end up leaving him, Yachi had tried to get you to leave before but you could never stand the idea. Lately it was like you were already broken up, two awkward college roommates. The idea of raising a baby with him scared you, you were so stressed and sick of overthinking that you passed out in the hospital after a few hours, forgetting to call Tanaka.

You stepped out of the car, hesitating to close the door as you breathed in deeply. It was around 4pm the next day and you had just been discharged from the hospital. “Do you want me to wait here?” Yachi asked from the drivers seat, her eyes were red and puffy, she’d been up all night holding your hand and crying with you. “I think it’ll be okay…why is Kiyoko’s car here?” your eyes stuck to the black car in the driveway that you knew was Kiyoko’s “y/n, i’m gonna wait here you should go inside hes probably worried…” you nodded before approaching the front door. Your legs felt like lead as you stepped up to the door, taking your key out and unlocking the door.

“Ryu?” you moved further into the house, seeing a passed out Tanaka on the couch across from a passed out Kiyoko. “Tanaka.” You said a little louder, making him stir.

Noya came into the living room from behind you “hey y/n, how are you?” he looked hungover and that’s when you noticed the empty bottles on the floor. “Hi noya- Tanaka!” you yelled this time, waking up both Kiyoko and Tanaka. “Y/n? heyyy, how was the hospital?” he yawned and sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes. You wanted to run to him and hold him, but you stopped yourself, trying not to focus on how tight your chest felt and the tears building up in your eyes again. “Y/n?” you heard Kiyoko’s soft voice from beside you and you broke down into tears, she caught you before you fell and moved you to the couch, rubbing your back. “I lost the baby.” You continued to cry as the other three in the room sat frozen. “Y/n, i’m so sorry, i’m so so sorry, I’ll come back later but I think we should go…Noya?” Kiyoko hugged you tightly before grabbing Noya and exiting the house.

Tanaka was silent, tears rolling down his cheeks. “What happened y/n?” he avoided looking in your eyes “they said it was because of stress…Tanaka I can’t take this anymore..” you sniffled looking in your lap. He looked up to see how tired and broken you looked, feeling his heart clench. “Y/n, I swear Kiyoko and Noya came over to hang out, I don’t have feelings fo-“ “It’s not about your feelings for her, it’s about your feelings for me…I need you to be honest” he gripped your hand, his lip quivering “I don’t want to lose you y/n…” “You aren’t in love with me Tanaka, i’m not stupid” you chuckled softly, rubbing the rest of your tears away. His silence said enough and so you stood up. “Y/n, don’t go” you scoffed “you can’t keep doing this to me, making me stay with you like this” you commended yourself on the way your voice didn’t waver. “I know, I know, but I-“ he stopped himself, knowing he couldn’t stop you. “I still care about you, I always will.” You nodded, cupping his cheek softly “I know baby, I love you Ryu.”

You walked back outside and sat in the passenger seat of Yachi’s car. You put on some music and she looked over at you before driving away, not asking any questions.

Tanaka sat on the floor of his lounge room, staring into his hands and crying, you were really gone and he couldn’t fix it, it was him who pushed you away anyway. It was him who had to deal with it now.

a/n: sorry for writing this, i might make a happy ending part 2, send me ideas if you would like to see that <3

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shepherds-of-haven · 3 years

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And what about a Stardew Valley AU? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

I’m on my phone in a waiting room so this will be very short--it also won’t be a 1:1 AU, I took some liberties!

Blade: the local hunter/woodsman who basically lives alone in the woods and barely interacts with anybody except to slink into town, give the butcher some dead animals and pelts, and then leave again for the season Trouble: the town blacksmith who forges weapons for the local adventurers and mercenaries who go to explore the mines/fight monsters. He dreams of coming up with some kind of invention (think the world’s first revolver or something) and becoming a gunsmith or adventurer in a bigger town/city. He probably also plays football in a strange anachronistic twist. Does this AU take place in the modern world like Stardew or a weird fantasy farm AU? Idk. But wait, does Stardew take place in the modern world?? There’s corporations and cars... but also slimes and wizards? I guess it’s its own thing. I’m going to pretend it doesn’t have guns.

Shery: the town veterinarian who looks after all of the valley’s animals, from the dogs and cats to the farm animals! She also lives above the town grocery store and helps Riel out when it gets busy. She helps organize the town’s flower festivals and other events!

Tallys: she’s an artist living on a cottage on the beach; you can sometimes see her collecting shells and making structures out of deadwood. She’s basically a hippie who wants to commune with nature, and is generally solitary until Shery recruits her to start using her expertise to help with the flower festivals!

Riel: he was once a promising executive in a large corporation, but his health suffered from the stress, so he now chooses to run a small grocery store in this idyllic town. He generally seems innocuous and nerdy--he wears glasses and does his account books with an abacus in his shirtsleeves--but when another corporation (or his old one) tries to muscle in, he starts using connections no one knew he had to defend the town...

Chase: a young man who got into so much trouble in the big city that he was forced to return to his hometown at the behest of his worried mother. He chafes under the boredom of small town life, but in a strange twist of events, somehow finds himself becoming the relied-upon town sheriff. He has an unorthodox way of doing things and an alarming willingness to kill anyone who threatens the town, but he keeps the valley safe from harm!

Red: the local wizard who lives up in his tower, performing experiments and researching the arcane. Many are unnerved to discover that he’s not an old man with a beard; he’s young, tall, and hot! Many farmhands feign illness in the hopes that he’ll drop by with a cure--he’s like the rural Howl!

Ayla: she is the valley’s premiere horsewoman, running a stable at the edge of town. Her horses win prizes for both their looks and their skills, and she’s willing to train anyone to ride if they’re willing to put up with her tough style of teaching. You can always catch her at sunset, watching the sun go down behind the mountains with a piece of straw in her mouth and her hat pulled down low over her eyes!

Halek: the owner of the local saloon who generally keeps to himself, but is always willing to listen with a smile and a dishrag on his shoulder. Everybody is surprised when his twin brother comes to fetch him and it’s revealed he’s some sort of royal in a neighboring country!

Briony: a girl who drifted into town and quickly made fast friends, but who refuses to reveal who she really is or where she came from. She rooms with Shery above Riel’s grocery store and earns money by serving as a cattle herd, riding one of Ayla’s horses and guarding the local cows as they’re transported from place to place or grazing, fending off wolves, slimes, and even bandits! She keeps saying she’ll have to move on someday, but is reluctant to go until her past finally catches up to her... (Secretly, she’s a magic-user too!)

Lavinet: a socialite who retreated to this remote town following a scandal. Then she buys the local ranch (the one that Ayla runs) and decides to convert it into a luxury resort to show people the beauty of Stardew Valley! She first harbors ambitions to return to the big city and return to her career in force, but eventually falls in love and learns to truly love her life in a small town!

Mimir: local cryptid and creature of the night. Rumor has it that you can see a pale woman walking the woods outside of town on nights of the full moon, and that if you see her, she will deliver a prophecy about your life... by day, she appears in a traveling caravan, selling sundry goods and dried herbs as an innocuous wanderer

Caine: just your typical neighborhood boy who dreams of becoming an adventurer and slaying monsters! Instead, he is a farmhand on his family’s successful farm, learning how to grow greenbeans and blueberries and running around town with his dog, Good Boy!

#Shepherds of Haven #Stardew Valley #Stardew Valley AU #AU #all characters #anon

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talesofesther · 3 years

Text

Anchor - Part 11

Five Hargreeves x Reader

Masterlist with the other parts

See part one for important notes

A/N: Alright, this part is long, so read it with time hahah. Anyway I guess this is one of my favorites?? idk, I think I like how it turned out. However, I reeeeally hope that Five is not too off his character here and that I didn't rush too much!? Like everything that I write, I didn't exactly plan for this part to turn out like this kdjsjkds, but I hope you guys like it and that it fits both the whole series and Five's personality. Also, I'm a B*tch for Five getting comfort... So yeah. If you wanna be added to the tag list, let me know. ♥

Gravel cracked beneath Five's feet as he exited the car, they parked a little far away from the Consulate just so nobody would notice their arrival. Putting his hands on the pockets of his pants, Five eyed Y/N's form walking in front of him, she was happily chatting with Lila with an adorable smile on her face. His troubled expression softened for a moment, he was still calming down from what happened earlier. Could I really be... Falling for her? The mere thought of it terrified him.

But before Five was able to make himself fully panic again, Diego popped up beside him. "Nice outfit"

"Shush" Five mumbled to him, his mind still partially clouded by his dangerous assumptions.

Diego's eyes slowly followed Five's line of sight, and seeing the subject of his attention, he wondered "You like her, don't you?" His voice wasn't teasing anymore, it was understanding and genuinely curious. He looked down at his brother with an almost caring gaze.

Five scoffed, like that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "That's... No, of course not" but his voice wavered, and he didn't trust his eyes to hold what he had just said.

"Well, if you did... I think there was a big chance that she might like you too" the man patted Five's shoulder and stepped ahead to walk beside Lila, leaving Five behind with a thundering heart and sweaty hands. No. She would never like someone like me. The boy thought to himself, and yet he couldn't help the tiny sparkle of hope that had already been lit inside his lonely heart.

Eventually they finally walked up to the huge mansion of the Mexican Consulate, in which the Gala was being held, the place looked almost intimidating. Its big stone walls and luxurious windows and structure made it look almost like a castle, powerful people were arriving non-stop and there were guards everywhere.

Y/N, Lila, Diego and Five somehow managed to sneak their way in, unnoticed. And if the outside was already extravagant, the inside of the Consulate was breathtaking. A big chandelier graced the ceiling of the entrance, all the decorations and paintings hanging around just screamed richness. There was even a whole mexican band inside the place, and a big table full of snacks and champagne.

"Thank god we dressed appropriately, look at all these people" Y/N said as she slowly made her way inside, looking at the people who were already inside as well, one dressed fancier than the other. The girl mindlessly grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the waitresses who were passing by.

Five did the same, if anything just to keep his hands busy. He was twitchy and anxious, both for the fact that he would see his father soon, but also because of what happened with Y/N back at Elliott's place just a couple of minutes ago. Five wondered how the girl was able to remain so calm all the time, while he was there almost losing his mind.

"I don't see dad anywhere" Diego said as everyone stopped to analyze their surroundings.

"Just keep an eye out for the majestic twelve. Y/N and I got the upstairs" Five said while looking around at the many people who were walking about and dancing to the music. His eyebrows were knitted together in concentration, one hand in his pocket and the other holding his glass of champagne.

Finishing her drink, Y/N settled her glass down on the table behind them and followed Five upstairs. Moving her heels from side to side to avoid bumping into the crowd of people.

Five disposed of his glass and walked up the rounded staircase, only giving a side glance behind him to check if Y/N was still following. As they went up, the music from the band started to sound quieter and quieter, until it was just a faint noise and the only sound was from their footsteps. Even the corridors of the mansion were fancy looking, with beautifully drawn wallpapers and some expensive decorations here and there.

Y/N couldn't ignore the twirling of her stomach as she took slow steps behind Five. Regardless of the cheerful aura of the gala, the people here seemed weirdly skeptical, plus they were looking for Five's father again. It all pieced together made Y/N feel very out of place.

"What do you plan to do when you find him?" Y/N asked gently. After whatever it was that happened back at Elliot's with Five, the girl felt a pang of nervousness on her gut when talking to him. Whether it was for how incredibly close they got or because of the immediate change of Five's behavior when Diego came in, she couldn't tell. But it made her very aware of how attached she became to the boy.

Five stopped on his tracks and turned around to look at Y/N, it was hard to ignore the wave of feelings that surged through him whenever he met those eyes, but he did his best to keep his face neutral. "I'm not sure, but I want to know what he's planning"

Just when Five finished talking, he noticed one of the doors ahead of him start to open. In a quick movement, the boy grabbed Y/N's wrist and pulled her inside the room to his left so the people couldn't see them.

Y/N let out a squeak of surprise when Five pulled her body to the side out of nowhere. Next thing she knew there was a hand clasped over her mouth to prevent her from making further noises.

Five covered her mouth as quickly and as gently as he could, but standing so close to her again, he didn't fail to notice how Y/N's whole body became rigid and her eyes widened as he yanked her body, even if she relaxed not even a second after. Slowly removing his hand from her mouth, Five furrowed his brows and felt his breathing getting heavy. Did I scare her? The thought felt like a bullet to the heart. Sure, maybe his movements were a little sudden and violent, but he had to be quick. But she didn't... Didn't think that I would hurt her, right? Five desperately asked himself, but there was no answer, the only thing he could hear was the frantic beating of his heart.

Y/N noticed the door moving, she noticed the people that were about to pass through it and see them. But she wasn't expecting Five to grab her like that, he never does that. And to have him standing millimeters away from her with his hand on her face just the next second, made her whole body tense in nervousness and blood rush to her cheeks. Luckily the room was dark and he wasn't able to notice that last detail. As soon as his soft hand moved away from her, Y/N let out a soft shaky breath and peeked outside to see if the people were gone.

"T- they entered a room. Do you think that was them?" The girl said, doing her best to keep her voice steady.

"Probably" Five muttered without meeting her eyes and already walking back outside.

Stepping ahead to look at the room the people just entered, Five fidgeted with his hands and forced his mind to focus on the matter at hand. With his head hung low, he extended his hand for Y/N to take, even if it was slightly shaking.

The girl looked at Five as if he was a puzzle that was impossible to crack, and he often was. With careful movements, her hand closes around his own, but her face was contorted in confusion. "What is it?"

"Just... Try to keep quiet" came the soft whisper from Five, and the next thing Y/N knew, she was feeling like the atoms on her body were being pulled through space without her consent, making her feel incredibly nauseated. The girl blinked and saw herself inside a dark closet, ahead of her stood the men she saw just a moment ago, they were talking. If it wasn't for Five's hand closed tightly around her own, she feared she would have fallen. Gulping down her words, Y/N just mouthed 'dammit'.

Five was tense, Y/N could feel it in his grip. "The president is continuing to make inquiries into Roswell and the other crash sites, gentlemen. And as you know, we cannot allow him to get his nose into our business. I've confirmed the motorcade will indeed be turning left on Elm Street, we'll have our people in place" said one of the men in the room, he had a suspicious demeanor and was wearing sunglasses.

Both of them were intently listening and watching through the cracks of the closet when another man said "Gentlemen, this plan of yours seems ill-timed" was that..?

Before Y/N could finish her line of thought, she heard Five bumping into one of the hangers and making noise. She turned to look at him with an expression that said 'are you kidding me?!?'

The man that was just talking seemed to have listened to Five as well, he grabbed a metal stick and slowly walked up to the closet they were in. Y/N's eyes widened in fear and she vigorously shook Five's hand urging him to get them out of there. Just as the man was about to stab them, Five teleported them out.

Y/N braced herself on the corridor walls, regaining her breath both from almost being discovered and from the nausea swimming in her stomach. "Was that your-" the girl couldn't complete her sentence because a strong punch to her head sent her to the ground and blurred her vision, making her let out a grunt of pain.

Y/N slowly raised her hand to her head and where the pain was, feeling something wet there. Still on the ground, she turned around and blinked several times to try and focus her eyes. She could hear people fighting and see a black figure being slammed into the walls, probably Five.

Making her body work again, Y/N braced her hands on the floor and got up on her wobbly feet. Now that she could see clearly, a big man with white hair and a white blazer was punching Five. The boy was being beaten several times on his abdomen and face, feeling her heart clench at the scene in front of her, Y/N moved as fast as she could towards Five.

With a swift movement, Y/N kicked the man just behind his knee, taking his attention away from Five. When he turned around to beat the girl again, she skillfully ducked and gave him a punch on his throat. That gave her a couple of seconds to grab one of the paintings off the wall and strike his head with it.

But Y/N’s eyes went wide again when even with blood coming out of his temple, the man turned around and grabbed her by the neck. He easily lifted Y/N from the ground and squeezed her neck like it was nothing. The girl was already choking on her own breathing while she punched and kicked him to try and make him let her go, but he was much stronger than her.

If it wasn't for Lila jumping in and kicking the big man in the face, Y/N was almost sure she would be dead, she was already seeing black dots in her vision. The girl fell to the ground with her body being partially limp, clutching at the carpet beneath her as a means to ground herself while she took erratic breaths to fill her lungs again.

Everything happened in less than ten seconds, Five only had the time to get up from the ground himself and see Y/N almost dying in front of his eyes when Lila came in to help. Rushing beside the girl, he helped her up in a sitting position, one of his hands was holding her shoulder as the other came up to her cheek. He could already see the harsh bruises forming around her throat. "Hey, you okay?" Five asked with his voice on edge and filled with concern.

Y/N just nodded at him, clutching the fabric of her dress in her chest as if it would somehow make the air come faster to her lungs. She didn't feel like she could talk just yet, even if she wanted to. Seeing an opportunity when Lila knocked the man down, Five jumped to his feet and threw him out the window. He was finally gone, Y/N closed her eyes and laid her head back against the wall in relief.

Slowly getting up yet again, Y/N looked out the window and saw that all the guests from the gala were leaving, and with them, was who she presumed was Five's father. "Five" Y/N's small voice cracked and she coughed soon after, but she managed to get the boy's attention.

When Five looked out the window to what Y/N was pointing, he only clasped her hand in his again and teleported them outside.

________

After Five managed to shout something in Greek to his father and send Lila away saying he would kill her if he saw her again, which Y/N tried to convince him otherwise but he was pretty insistent on the matter, they were finally back at Elliott's place.

"Is that...?" Diego mumbled as he looked at Luther and Elliot who were passed out on the couch.

Five sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Luther"

Diego scoffed with a small smirk on his face. "Okay, I'm gonna go lay down. I'm tired" he said as he made his way out. But Y/N thought he looked more melancholic than tired.

The girl let out an exhausted breath and ran a hand through her hair, hissing in pain when she accidentally touched the area that the man had punched her in. "Uh what a night" Y/N grumbled. Right now the dress and makeup she was wearing only increased her discomfort, and all she wanted was to take a shower and get rid of those clothes.

Five shot her an apologetic glance, he felt guilty for even letting her get hurt. But he didn't make any moves towards her or said anything, the way she reacted to that earlier was still pretty vivid in his memory.

With slow strides, Y/N made her way to the closest bathroom. Luckily for them, Elliott had two, well one of them was a proper bathroom, the other one was just a tiny excuse for one, but it had a shower. Stopping midway, the girl turned back towards Five. "Who were those guys anyway? Why do they wanna kill us?"

"Commission muscle, we don't belong in this timeline so they sent those guys to take us out. Just another reason to get out of here faster" Five said with a low voice, for once his brows weren't pinched together. His hands were resting on his pockets and his shoulders were slumped, he looked genuinely tired.

Five's big eyes were gazing at Y/N with a different kind of sorrow, he was looking for something. She licked her lips in nervousness and slowly approached him. The silence in the room was far from comfortable. Y/N could hear the sound of her high heels colliding with the floor, she stopped just outside Five's personal space. Gulping down any insecurities, the girl raised her hand and brushed away a single drop of blood that was resting on Five's cheek, she could already see a bruise forming there.

"I'm gonna take a shower, you should too, relax a little. Then you can wait for me in the guest room" Y/N’s voice was gentle and stood just above a whisper. With a little smile, she turned back around and walked the rest of the way towards the small bathroom.

Y/N sighed in relief as she removed her dress and untied her hair. Turning on the shower, the sound of the water colliding with the tiles was almost soothing. The girl took her time to try and relax under the warm water, washing her hair, she could see the red water painting the white floor of the bathroom. Getting out, Y/N felt ten times lighter. She put on her pajamas and made her way to Elliott's spare room.

The room wasn't big, but it felt cozy. Like the rest of the place, the illuminating wasn't the best, but there was a big double bed in the middle. Five was sitting there, waiting, his chest steadily rising and falling as he looked at nothing but thought about everything. The sight of him made Y/N smile, his hair was dripping wet from the shower and he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and pants that were just a tad too big for him. Probably borrowed from Elliott's closet, Y/N figured.

"Hey, feeling better?" the girl entered the room and made her way to sit beside Five on the comfy bed, their shoulders touching.

"Sure" the boy mumbled to her, his head was low, looking down at his feet.

"What's wrong Five?" Y/N's voice was nothing but a whisper. She could sense there was something bothering him, and she had a feeling it had nothing to do with his father. This was different, he was different.

Five turned his head away from her and looked at the wall beside him, an unamused smile on his face. "It's nothing" his voice was even lower than hers.

The instant burning of tears behind his eyes when Y/N gingerly took his hand on hers was undeniable. But he didn't have the strength to pull his hand away from her, his body wanted her touch way too much. "Diego said something..." Five started, his eyes still looking away, not wanting to recognize his own vulnerability.

The gentle movement of Y/N's thumb at the back of his hand urged him to continue. "I- I think he's right... But I don't know how to deal with-" Five choked on his own words as the first tear made its way down his cheek, and then another, and another.

"Hey, it's okay" Y/N raised her other hand to his face and made him look at her, her touch already brushing away some of his tears. "Whatever it is, I know you'll figure it out. Besides, I'm always here to help if you need it" she smiled kindly at him and couldn't stop herself from planting a sweet kiss on his forehead. Her heart clenching at the sight of him so lost and troubled.

Five felt his heart almost beat out of his chest when Y/N's lips met his skin, a shiver ran through his whole body. His bright eyes fluttering halfway closed in a mix of delight and relief.

Moving her hand down, Y/N saw a dark bruise covering his left cheek, wondering for a moment what other bruises his clothes were hiding. "You're hurt"

Five's eyes fully opened again and landed on the girl's neck. His stomach twisting at the harsh dark spots covering her throat. "You are too"

Y/N's lips formed a half-smile, as she tilted her head to the boy in front of her. Could he just try and care about himself for once? "Not as much as you" something inside Y/N told her that she wasn't talking about the visible bruises anymore. "Let me help"

Five's eyes were tired and glossy, but they regarded Y/N with something akin to both sorrow and want. Five only gives her a gentle nod, surrendering to both his needs and her wishes.

Getting up from her place on the bed with a soft blush on her cheeks, Y/N made her way to the kitchen to grab some ice and anything else that might help.

The boy's eyes stayed glued to the door from the moment Y/N left until she walked back in. The fear of being alone tugged at his stomach once she was gone, and when she came back to him, new tears clouded his sight.

"I found some painkillers" Y/N sat back down with a smile and handed Five a glass of water and some pills. Only at the mention of pain, that Five acknowledged how much the bruises on his abdomen were aching. He quickly gulped down the pills.

"Okay, raise your shirt" the girl said as the blood rushed to her cheeks, she tried to avoid Five's eyes at the moment.

With his breath partially stuck on his throat, Five timidly raised his shirt up to his chest, revealing a bunch of dark purple areas around his stomach and even some cuts here and there.

"Oh Five" Y/N sighed at the sight of his bruised body, it didn't feel right for him to be this hurt, neither outside nor inside. She tended to his wounds at the best of her abilities, she didn't fail to notice that Five would slightly shiver and his breath would hitch whenever her fingers accidentally brushed on his skin. He looked uncharacteristically small right now, with his body covered in injuries and his eyes red and puffy as he looked at Y/N almost seeming like he was asking to be cared for.

"Where did you learn to fight like that?" Five's quiet voice echoed through the room when Y/N finished her work on him. He carefully put his shirt down, intently looking at her face as he tried not to dwell too much on what had just happened between them. How she once again tore down his walls like they were nothing. For a split second, Five wondered if it would be too selfish to just... Let her, just admit that he wanted all of this. But he soon stopped his own line of thought.

Y/N chuckled to him, her hands cradled in her lap. "My aunt always made sure I was able to defend myself, she taught me the basics of what she knew"

Five only nodded at her, thinking back at how the way she moved was so familiar.

The room fell silent once again, Y/N's eyes drifted down to the clock on the bedside table, then back up at Five's eyes that were fighting to stay open. "It's late, I think you should rest. I'll take the couch"

Five's eyes shot up to look at her as he was already vigorously shaking his head in protest. "No, Luther is passed out on the couch. You can sleep here"

The girl got up from the bed and crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at him. "And where are you going to sleep?"

Five's mouth opened and closed in search of words. "I'll just... Lay down in one of the armchairs" the boy shrugged.

"Not in that state, you won't. Won't let you" Y/N sounded almost like she was scolding him.

"Well, I- I won't let you either" Five stuttered with an unsure tone. Sometimes he felt like Y/N could convince him to do almost anything, but he didn't want her sleeping like that.

Y/N looked around the room with a blush creeping up on her cheeks. "Then... I guess we'll have to share it"

Five's eyes went wide and his cheeks became rosy as well at the thought of sleeping beside the girl. He could already feel his hands start to tremble and his heart speeding up the pace from nervousness, but it didn't seem like he had much of a choice.

Turning off the lights, Y/N laid down on the bed beside Five. His tenseness was almost palpable, the boy was laying on the very edge of his side of the bed, his hand gripping the sheets to try to relieve some of his stress. "Relax, I don't bite" Y/N tried to lighten his mood.

But that only caused Five to feel angry at himself for not being able to control his emotions. "I'm not used to this" he whispered back at her without thinking much.

"Not being alone?" Y/N laid on her side, looking at the back of Five's head.

"Yeah... That" the boy sighed, if not being alone was the only thing bothering him, he'd be happy.

"I can leave..."

"Please don't" it was just a quiet plea, but to Y/N, Five's voice made it seem like he was begging for her to never leave.

"Okay, I won't" she whispered back at him with a small smile. Reaching her hand forward, the girl gently ran her fingers through Five's soft hair in a soothing manner. "Goodnight Five"

Five's eyes closed and a pleased noise escaped his mouth at the feeling of her fingers massaging his scalp. He was already painfully aware that it would be a nightmare to live even through one mere day without that sweet touch. "Goodnight"

It had probably passed not more than three hours when Y/N was suddenly taken away from her sleep. Her eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the darkness of the room, she could feel Five moving beside her, quiet whimpers coming from him every now and again. That's probably what woke her up.

Turning to his side, with the only light coming from the moon outside, Y/N couldn't see much, but she noticed the deep and troubled frown on Five's face that just shouldn't be there. His breathing was frantic and he was sweating, sometimes his body would involuntarily move like it was trying to run away from something painful.

It didn't take a genius to know that the poor boy was having a nightmare, and a really bad one it seemed. Y/N thought about waking him up, but she knew from experience that it was almost impossible to go back to sleep after something like that happened, and Five needed the sleep.

So she gently took hold of one of his hands that were stretched towards her, careful to not wake him up. And with her other arm, she brought Five close to her by encircling his waist. It was no mystery anymore that he hated to feel alone. "You're okay. I'm here. You're not alone" she whispered quietly in his ear like a mantra until he calmed down and his features were almost fully relaxed again.

Five's body seemed to subconsciously gravitate towards her own once he was sleeping peacefully again. Y/N smiled and gingerly planted a kiss on his nose. She had no idea what he would do once he woke up like this, but she didn't let go of him during the entire night.

***

Thank you for reading ♥ the next part should be out soon. And if you have any idea about how this story should progress or anything you would like to see in it, please send me an ask or message and I’d be happy to include it. All opinions and feedback are appreciated ♥

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newhologram · 3 years

Text

I know only a few of you are on IG so I wanted to give an update here on the past few days. I am doing this knowing the potential risk but I need to also record where I'm at right now in case anything weird happens.

My week has been like this so far. Sunday: Family Member 1 misplaced their Xbox controller. They kept asking me if I knew where it was, each time growing more and more aggressive. I don't have an Xbox, I reminded them. I have my own controller for my PC. But they kept knocking loudly on my door. They followed me outside where I was vaping and tried to accuse me of I don't even know what. Pawning off their controller? FM1 said, "Is there something going on that you're not telling me? SOMEONE'S messing with me!" Later that night they and their gf were making dinner. FM1 suddenly knocked harshly on my door and said aggressively, "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE OVEN MITTS" in an angry voice. I was already stressed from them harassing me earlier about the controller. I came out of my room, heart racing, and told them I had not used them that day. I helped find the mitts, which had fallen behind the trash can because the hanging hook had broken. I went to bed on edge, feeling unsafe and targeted, wondering why my family member was suddenly acting so paranoid and accusing me of misplacing their things... Something they actually have done to me my whole life, denying it until the moment my item is found, when they suddenly remember they did move it there (or accidentally throw it out/destroy it). The controller ended up being some random place in the living room. Monday: I went to leave for my acupuncture appointment. My booster seat/pillow thing was missing from my car. Not in the trunk or anything. I cannot drive without it. I'm too short to see over the steering wheel. I called FM1 and they have no idea where it could be, despite the fact that they drive my car every day. FM1's gf helped find it, in the garage. But I still had an epic fucking meltdown, sobbing the whole way to and from my appointment. I just cannot handle people moving my shit and disrupting my schedule like that. And it just hurt so much more knowing that FM1 was so awful to me the day before about their stuff being misplaced. I'm always having my personal belongings, my feelings, my personhood, disrespected. It hurts deeply. When I got home I stressed to them that this is my car, and my accommodation should not ever be removed from it under any circumstances. It was after this that I decided it was time to hold a family meeting. I called Family Member 2 and 3 over to the house. I read a long letter to them in which I told them about the talks I have had with my therapist, psychiatrist, and another psychologist. Even though I cannot be formally assessed and diagnosed at this time, I am being treated for autism. I detailed to my family my entire life of trauma that is traced back directly to my autistic traits, and my needs not only not being met, but being outright denied. I was denied empathy most of my life for my sensory issues, my pain, everything. A big part of this is gaslighting. Even if it's unintentional or not malicious, gaslighting is incredibly traumatic. Especially when it comes to my sensory issues. I have had even more problems with overstimulation the past year which means I can barely sleep, so my daily naps are even more important. I try to coordinate my naps when there is less activity in my house. But if I'm in a ton of pain and extra sensitive and ask for quiet, that's when I get in trouble and a fight happens. That's when FM1 tells me I "need to be realistic" and "can't expect the whole world to shut up for you"... when I'm literally saying "I have a migraine and need to rest, can you please not play loud music or slam cupboards in the kitchen for a few hours?"

I was emotionally neglected and abused by both parents. A lot of it is just the result of their own trauma that they have not dealt with... But I have also been physically threatened and assaulted by them at different times, though it only happened those specific times. (They won't ever admit to it though.) The emotional and mental abuse still goes on in my home. I am not allowed to have emotions. I have been told "STOP. WHY ARE YOU CRYING. LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WHEN YOU GET OUT IN THE REAL WORLD YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT" over and over--like... in response to me crying about my pet dying, or in response to me crying bc I'm in horrible pain from my chronic illnesses, or crying after my usual yearly ER visit. I am also not allowed to have boundaries. I have tried to communicate with FM1 that these things hurt me deeply. And their response is basically, "YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL. I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD!" and threats such as "BETWEEN TAKING CARE OF YOU AND GRANMDA, ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING TO DRIVE OFF AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!" or "I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU"-- y'know, in response to having a disabled child. Ouch. The message is clear: I am nothing but an inconvenience and a burden to my family. I still have nightmares about them abandoning me, or abusing me more. I think in their heads they think that they love me. But this isn't love. If I try to talk to them about how dangerous it is for them to say things like that to me, they say "I never said/did that." Which brings us back to the gaslighting: I said that every time they gaslight me and tell me that my emotions/thoughts/experiences aren't real, it triggers me so badly that I self-harm and become suicidal.

I was very clear with them: I said that I can no longer have that in my life because one day it will kill me. I don't wanna die that way. I want to live. I have very bad PTSD and it's something I have worked on for 8 years but it has been worse the past year with so many disruptions and FM1's worsening narcissistic traits. I gave the choice to them. I said if they gaslighted me again that they were making the decision to not be in my life. Because this is about preserving my life. I'm trying not to die here. I'm literally trying to save my own life, even if that means not having a relationship with my family. They accept that I am autistic... But they then took turns gaslighting me. When I pointed out, "that's gaslighting. that's exactly what I just said in my letter. What you're doing is gaslighting" they went even harder on it. They said my experience and my trauma is "not in line with reality". They also said I "need to be reasonable" with the boundary that I'm setting (meaning: they don't believe in boundaries at all). They tried to guilt trip me with, "you can't cut someone out of your life because what if they DIE and then you FEEL GUILTY??" (I mean, what if I killed myself because you keep hurting me? Wouldn't you feel guilty about that?) They also guilt tripped me with "well we TRY to invite you to family stuff, and we try to include you, but you never want to go..." um... I guess they forgot I am chronically ill? Sorry if I don't have the energy or pain tolerance to drive an hour each way to a loud family party after I've worked all week? I cried and cried, I said this is exactly what I told you that you do to me and how it endangers my life... and you're doing it... while telling me you don't do it to me... They were all weird and told me "we love you and would do anything for you!" except... I guess, not gaslight me constantly? Idk. I felt so trapped. I felt so hopeless. I was up all night crying. I wondered, "Why is the idea of me having distance from them somehow worse than me being dead? Why would they prefer that I die rather than set a boundary that will save me?" And then I remembered: I had set the terms. They broke them. You do this, you're out of my life, because me being alive is more important than us having a relationship which will eventually kill me. I'm not trapped. It doesn't matter if they think they can prevent me from setting this boundary because they can't. I'm in charge of my boundary. So I blocked them on social media, as well as their phones. I have to unfortunately keep FM1 unblocked bc I live with them, they drive my car, and they look after my cats while I am at work. If I didn't have so many great things happening behind the scenes, if I didn't have my cats, if I didn't have amazing friends and followers who are supportive and kind... I can definitely see that I would have ended my life that night in some alternate timeline. That is how much pain I was in from them doing that to me. Them literally trying to gaslight me into not setting a boundary. I mean it would've been so ridiculous on their part, can you imagine? Me: Hey family, when you gaslight me, it makes me suicidal. I don't want to die, so either you stop doing that, or we can't have a relationship. Family: UHH NO *gaslights me anyway* Me: ok *kills self* Family: *surprised Pikachu face* Like???? Would they really have been shocked because it seems like they should have known since I told them directly? And that just shows that they really don't take my pain seriously at all. They think I'm overly sensitive and that my trauma is not real. That would have been a painful wake up call for them. I told my therapist all of this. And she agrees that this is good, this is going to not only ween them off of me but also allow me to focus on all the good stuff I have going on. I have to get moving. So much stuff has been lagging because I'm constantly recovering from them triggering me. I'm going to focus, and heal, and gtfo of here. Thank you for your support and for never invalidating my pain.

#teku #personal #d o nut #reba gel #!#donut rebagel plz

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no-heart-no-soul-t · 4 years

Text

Tattooed JaeHyun imagine

Idk got bored again sorry ^^

pairing: NCT tattooed!JaeHyun x Reader

genre: fluff? small angst?

You were living with your friend in small apartment building, it was pretty old, but the apartments themselves were modernized. You and your roommate were the only ones on the floor, which was the highest and had only two apartments, because the two left were made in to a storages. “Y/N, I think we will have a new neighbors,” said Sasha. Sasha was from Russia with beautiful blue eyes and long brown hair and blonde ombré to it. “Huh, you mean someone finally rented that apartment next to us and is actually moving in?,” you asked not believing her. You didn’t really believe her because, everytime your landlord said, that the apartment next door is getting rented, they backed away last second, leaving the apartment free for over a year now. “Yes, Mr. Suh said that his grandson with his friend are moving in.. they are coming over from California to start anew or something,” she answered while putting away groceries. You just shrugged and helped her with preparing dinner.

Next morning you were woken up by banging noises from next door. “The FOK they doing in there!,” you yelled not happy with the noises in the morning. You came out of your room, finding Sasha casually drinking coffee, already dressed for uni. “Good morning to you too, sunshine,” she said to you with sweet smile, knowing you were pissed off. You scoffed at her and started eating breakfast she made for you. You went to get ready still mumbling curses to no one in particular.

Both of you made it in time to the uni and sat on your favourite spot. It was at the very back of the room no one sitting there, because no one liked that you couldn’t hear well. But you and Sasha preferred it exactly for that, you were alone in the row. Taking notes only from presentations tho. Lecture was starting soon, and two guys bursted in sprinting to the back sitting next to you and Sasha. You and Sasha looked at them confused, never seeing them before and not understanding why they were in such a rush. Then the professor came in taking all your and Sasha’s attention from the boys. An hour in to the lecture one of the boys, leaned in to Sasha and whispered something to her. You assumed to ask for notes from last lecture... aaaaand you were right because she handed him her notebook with notes. You heard deep thank you and just shook your head paying attention back to the lecture.

Finally the lecture ended, so you were packing up. “Hey, thanks for the notes. We will give them back to you tomorrow,” you heard and looked up, seeing the taller boy talking to Sasha. Finally looked at his friend who had a tattoo on his neck. You stared at it a little bit, admiring the work and then looking away when you heard Sasha, “No it’s okay, you can take your time going through them. I am Sasha Glukhovska and this is Y/N Y/L/N,” and you just waved slightly. He smiled at you nodding his head, “I am Johnny Suh and this is Jaehyun Jung.” Suh? like your landlord Suh? , you thought then it hit you, “Oh, aren’t you the grandson of Mr. Suh owning the old apartment building with modernized apartments?,” you asked making Sasha realize the same thing. “Yeah, I am.. do you also live there?,” “Yeah... we will be next door neighbors it seems,” Sasha answered with small chuckle. You looked at Jaehyun for his reaction but he just had a poker face on his face. But his eyes were boring deep in to yours, as if searching for your soul to steal. “Wow, perfect, let’s see you around then, bye,” Johnny said with small smile walking away together with Jaehyun. “Who would have thought we would meet our neighbors at school,” Sasha chuckled while also walking away you behind her, her Russian accent present.

It was 7PM when you got home, Sasha dragging you to the shopping mall after lectures ended. You were tired as hell going straight to take a shower. “What should we get for dinner,” Sasha screamed at you through the bathroom door, “I don’t know. Order anything,” you yelled back while drying off and putting clothes on. When you got out Sasha went in, which meant you will be taking order. Twenty minutes of you chilling on the sofa reading a book, you heard a bell ringing, thinking it was food you stood up and went to the door. When you opened it you weren’t met with the delivery man, no. You were met with tattooed neck, chest and dark eyes. You looked at Jaehyun confused. “Hey, you need somethin’?,” you asked confusion strongly present in your voice. “Hey... uh... I came to ask for notes from classic literature.. I need them so I know what’s going on in that lecture..,” he said with his deep husky voice. “Oh, sure. But, y’kno... you could wear a shirt while coming here for notes,” you answered, laughing hard and turning around to get his notes, not seeing his reaction. ‘And you could wear sweats not the shortest shorts there are,’ he thought looking at your ass. You got back with the notes handing them over to him. “Thanks, baby girl,” he thanked you with a wink and went to his apartment. “Weirdo,” you said going back inside when the delivery man came with your take-out.

You were always meeting Johnny and Jaehyun at lectures, at the hall of your building or generally when going over to them to ask for something. Sasha and Johnny eventually got together. You found them cute together. And you started to have feelings for Jaehyun, which you tried to suppress, because you knew you weren’t his type. So you were just playing around, being his good friend he could rely on. But. Tonight. You wanted to kill them, tho. You get it, Friday, so party. But. You and Sasha told them repeatedly, to not host party this Friday, because both of you had to wake up early on Saturday to go on a train to visit Sasha’s parents. You were going to have BBQ party and you wanted to be in a good mood, which meant nice sleep. You were tossing around, trying to muffle all the noise from nextdoor. You’ve had enough, and went over to their place, after putting at least shorts on. When you went in, you automatically saw Jaehyun on the sofa with some girl on top of him, making out. You felt somehow sad and jealous when you saw them. But you shook your head, getting rid of the image, and went over to them tapping him on the shoulder softly and saying his name. He broke the kiss with girl, his eyes going wide upon seeing you standing there. “Y/N, what are you doing here?,” he said standing up leaving the girl on the sofa. She looked at you all annoyed and walked away. “Hey... I just.. I..- can’t you at least make less noise and put volume down on the music? We told you that we needed to get up early tomorrow for over three days...,” you said in soft, somehow, broken voice, not looking in to his eyes. “Shit. We thought you were going next week.. sorry, yeah I’ll find Johnny and send everyone home,” he tried to give you a small apologetic hug but you backed away only nodding your head, saying small thanks and walking away. When you got back in, tears started streaming down your face. You didn’t realize it, until Sasha came out of her room, also pissed off by the noise. But that anger went away the second she saw you silently crying. “Hey, angel, what’s wrong?,” she asked, rushing to hug you, “huh??,” you looked at her confused, “Why are you crying hm? What happened?” You didn’t answer, only crying harder in to her neck. You fell asleep in her bed, cuddling her. Sasha was still awake, thinking of what could’ve happened... and decided to text Johnny, if something happened to her when she went over to ask them to turn down the noise,

Saaasssha<3: hey, john what happened to y/n

JohnnyS<3: hm wdym

Saaasssha<3: she was crying till she fell asleep

Saaasssha<3: so i thought somehin happened to her while she was over

JohnnyS<3: idk... ill ask jae

Sasha put her phone away for a second and cuddled your body more to her side, waiting for a response. After five minutes of waiting her phone vibrated with new message,

JohnnyS<3: so.. y/n found jae making out w cindy...

Saaasssha<3: i thought they broke up? th

JohnnyS<3: yeah apparently she forced herself on him righ be4 y/n came

Saaasssha<3: and i guess he didnt explain

JohnnyS<3: no... and he was ready to confess to her his feelings when u come back from trip

Sasha just sighed, texting back a goodnight and cuddled to you, eventually too falling asleep.

The next day, you woke up after Sasha, who was in kitchen making a breakfast. “Mornin’,” you said with sleepy voice, sitting down. “Hey, uhm… Johnny and Jae are coming with us… my mom wants to meet Johnny and he doesn’t want to leave Jae alone for three days... ,” “Oh… okay… I mean it’s not like I have a saying in this..,” you answered, taking sip of your tea. After breakfast you went out to Johnny’s car, he said he will drive there so you don’t have to wake up early for a train. “Can I sit in the front? I feel sick in the back of car,” you asked with small voice, looking down and playing with hands. “Sure. Hope my girlfriend won’t be jealous,” Johnny joked, winking at Sasha while opening the door for you. “Pft, you know I don’t care that the two of you are close, but don’t cheat on me,” Sasha said and sit at the back next to Jae. The car ride was full of Johnny getting directions from Sasha, Jae singing to the radio and you being quiet, looking out the window.

When you came to the house, Sasha’s parents were already waiting for you in the front, like always. You just said short greetings to them and went ahead inside, leaving them confused. “What happened?,” asked Sasha’s mom all concerned. “Something with one boy who didn’t say anything when she caught him kissing another girl,” Sasha answered looking at Jae, who just looked down, already having an earful from Sasha this morning, when you were still asleep.

Evening came and everyone was sitting at the backyard having fun, eating bbq. You were sitting in a far corner alone, smiling to yourself at the jokes Johnny and Sasha’s father were making. Sasha came to you, hugging you, “You okay? want to take a walk with me?,” she asked patting your thigh. “I could take a walk… but alone… I’ll be back in an hour,” you answered getting up and just saying to everyone you will be back later. When you were going down the street you heard someone running, so you turned around expecting Sasha trying to catch up with you. But it wasn’t Sasha.. it was Jaehyun. “Hey… let’s.. walk together,” he said taking your hand in his. You didn’t take your hand away, enjoying some warmth in this chilly night. While walking you stumbled against a playground with swings. You went ahead and sit on one of them, Jaehyun sitting on the other next to you. After ten minutes of just silence, you softly swinging back and forth, Jaehyun pulled your swing to him and looked in to your eyes. “Listen, Y/N, nothing happened between me and Cindy. She got on top of me right before you came in, and I thought you saw how we were arguing before that… I am sorry for making you cry,” Jaehyun said looking apologetic and having the softest look in his eyes. You looked at him confused because only Sasha knew you were crying yesterday. Then it hit you that she had to confront him, she was that type of friend. Someone made you cry, she would instantly go and literally smack them. “I mean… it’s not like you have to clarify yourself,” you said looking away.

“No, I have to, because I have something to tell you,” he said taking your chin in his hand turning your head to back to him. “I love you Y/N. I really do, you are making me happy and making me soft. And you know how cold I was when we first met,” leaning in and looking at your lips, “I fell in love with you, baby girl, and I wonder how you didn’t see that when literally everyone saw that and teased me about it,” he chuckled. You were looking at him, all shocked hearing something like this from him, “But.. I am not your type.. and…,” you tried to look away but he still held your chin, “And what?,” he cocked eyebrow waiting for your response. “Amanda said you told your friends that I am clingy and annoying, so I thought you hated me…,” you finished looking at his nose, refusing to look in to his eyes. “Tch, that bitch. I should tell Sasha to smack her,” he answered looking to a distance for a second, then back at you. “I do love you, baby girl. And, I will make you mine,” he said with deep voice, leaning in and finally kissing you, softly. When you broke the kiss you looked at eachother, him stroking your cheek lovingly. “I...I love you too Jae. Loved you for a long time, actually.,” you said softly looking in to his eyes which were full of love only for you.

You got up and went back to the house holding hands. You were going back to the backyard when Jaehyun pulled you back and dragged you up the stairs to your room where you were sleeping in alone. When Jaehyun closed the door you looked at him confused, “Why? They are still outside waiting for us,” you said trying to open the door, and he back hugged you tightly, whispering in your ear, “Mmmm, but I want to play with you alone baby girl,” kissing the underside of your ear. Your face flushed pink and he turned you around, smirking at your expression. He took his shirt off showing his tattooed torso and abs, “Now, now, don’t be shy, I will be careful… but only at first tho, then I won’t hold back, love,” he said while picking you up and making you hug him with legs. He put you on bed and kissed you softly.

#jaehyun #nct jaehyun #jung jaehyun #tattooed!jaehyun #jung jaehyun imagines #nct jaehyun imagines #nct jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun scenarios #idk was slightly bored #am sorry #jaehyun x reader

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prosopopeya · 3 years

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New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s.

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

#happy new year #annual meme

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wolferals · 4 years

Text

HURT

herman tømmeraas preference

-„get out of here! We dont want to see you anymore!“ you hostmom yelled in your face while you were pulling your suitcase through the hallway

-„OUT!“ she screamed and basically pushed you out of the house

-you stumbled backwards and your head hit the ground rather harshly

-it hurt

-your hand shot up to hold the wound on the back of your head

-your host mom didnt even care, she had slammed the door closed and left you there, bleeding

-and all that because of a misunderstanding

-your host sister (who‘s a dumbass bitch) had told her that you were constantly flirting with your host dad

-first of all gross, second of all you lived with them for taking care of a 5 year old girl

-why would you risk getting kicked out

-like now for instance

-after the realization hit you that you had a bleeding wound on your scull you sat up and looked around

-this neighborhood seemed lost, no one near to be seen

-of course there wasnt anyone around right in this exact moment of help needed

-so you slowly stood up, grabbed your suitcase and made your way to the house across the street to ask someone for help

-since you were bleeding, and not too light it took you some time to fully understand your situation

-but you eventually made it to the house and rang the doorbell

-literally a second later a dog shot around the corner and jumped up and down on your leg

-„hey.“ you greeted the fluffy little ball

-„Ellie!“ someone then shouted

-then this guy showed up

-tall, muscular, and damn handsome

-„hallo, hva gjør du her?“ he spoke and walked up to you to pull his dog away from your shaking body

-„sorry i dont speak norwegian. I fell.“ you explained and then showed him your hand covered in blood

-„oh fucking hell! Alright wait here, i‘ll get my keys to take you to the hospital.“

-without waiting for your response he ran inside, his dog right behind him

-it took him not even 30 seconds to come back out the front door you were standing in front of

-he had a towel in his hand

-„press this to the wound to make it stop bleeding“ he then told you and handed you the black towel

-„can you walk? Are you okay?“ he asked and grabbed your arm to help you around the house to his car

-once you were all settled he started the engine and drove you to the nearest hospital

-„what happened to you?“ he then asked and looked at you for a second

-„i was living with the Hansens. I was their au pair from (wherever you‘re from) but they kicked me out before because of some dumb misunderstanding.“ you told him

-„oh shit. So you got no place to go?“

-„i mean, i got this woman from the agency i traveled with who i could call, but she lives in Oslo, it might take her a while to get here or me to get to hers.“

-„thats fucking shit. What are you gonna do now?“ he asked seriously concerned

-„idk, first i need to get this fixed, i can worry about that later.“

-at the hospital they sewed my wound real quick while the guy, whose name i still dont know was waiting outside

-„it would be good for you to stay here overnight Ms y/l/n, just to make sure it heals the way it should.“ the doctor told you and handed you some disinfectant to clean your hands

-„okay.“ you just spoke and sat up straight

-„do you want us to get your boyfriend in here?“ she then asked making you smirk

-„he‘s not my boyfriend i dont even know him. He just helped me get here.“

-she nodded and then spoke:“Well be glad he did, you were bleeding heavily.“

-„anyway we‘re gonna get your room ready, just wait outside with your... friend.“

-you nodded and slowly walked out of the room

-„hey! Are you okay? Feeling better?“ the guy came up to you

-„yeah i am, thank you for driving me here ... whats your name actually?“ you sat down next to him

-„oh yeah right, I‘m Herman. What about you, stranger?“

-you laughed a little and then spoke:“My name‘s y/n. And thanks again.“

-„I have to stay overnight.“ you then added

-„Yeah i figured since it looked pretty bad.“

-you guys then sat there talking a bit until a nurse took you to your room

-Herman then gave you his number because he insisted on you calling him when he should pick you up the next day

-„you dont have to do this.“

-„no i actually do. You have no one here and im already involved here. I dont mind, really. Ill talk to my parents because I‘m staying with them in quarantine.“

-you thanked him again and then he left so you could get some rest

*next day*

-it was about 9am when you woke up in a strange location

-your head didnt hurt

-other than your back

-you were pretty sensitive when its about sleeping on other mattresses

-„oh good morning ms y/l/n. How are you feeling?“ the nurse came in right after you had sat up and grabbed your phone to check your texts

-you had told your family last night what happened and they just told you to either contact that agency woman or come home right away but you really liked norway

-and the only choice was to stay with Herman‘s family and maybe find a job?

-„I‘m okay. My head doesnt hurt anymore.“

-„Dizzy?“

-you shook your head at her

-„let me check your heart rate.“

-she then also checked on your temperature but it all seemed fine so she wanted to talk to the doctor about when you could leave the hospital

-you then got dressed from some clothes out of your suitcase, brushed your hair as good as you could with the big bandaid on the back of your head

-and obviously brushed your teeth

-when you were about to get back to bed you heard a knock at the door

-„come in.“

-„Hey how are you doing?“ Herman spoke smiling

-he had a small bouquet of flowers in his left hand

„I figured i needed to be a good person so i got you these.“ he said shyly

-„Thank you!“ you took them and looked at the flowers before putting them aside

-„i heard you‘re allowed to leave soon.“ he then said

-„oh really? Who told you?“

-he sat down on the end of your bed and answered:“I heard the nurses talking in the hallway

-„perfect. My back hurts terribly from last night. The mattress is shit.“

-„yeah i know, hospitals suck.“ he grinned

-„By the way, my mom would love to meet you.“

-„What why? She doesnt even know me.“ you laughed

-„I told her about your situation and she really doesnt mind having you stay with us.“ he smiled sweetly

-„you sure?“

-„of course.“

-you leaned forward to give him a hug as a thank you

-he smelled nice

-he had probably showered before he got there

-„thanks.“ you spoke again

-„stop thanking me. Of course.“ he softly stroked your back

-you then let go because you heard the door open

-„Good morning y/n, the results look good, your head seems fine so far. In my opinion there‘s nothing to worry about no. It wasnt quite a concussion so i think you can go home now.“ The doctor said and handed you some paperwork to sign

-out in the car Herman smiled at you

-„what?“ you looked away shyly

-„nothing. You‘re just different.“ he laughed

-„that‘s not a good thing.“

-„what? Of course it is. You‘re really interested as far as i can judge from the past 24 hours ive known you for.“

-„well...“ you were so shy you just looked out of the window hiding your face in your sleeve

-„cute.“ herman then murmured

-„ohh right.“ you joked and looked at him for a second

-„you are.“ he defended himself

-„sure.“ you grinned. „you have to know someone to judge.“

-he nodded and spoke:“i guess we‘ll get to know each other pretty damn good in the next time.“

-„pretty damn good.“ you repeated and got some tingles thinking about it

#preference #cute #herman tommeraas #skam #herman x reader #penetrator chris #norway

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embeanwrites · 4 years

Text

Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader

Chapter 15

Masterlist

Connor had driven me home after we finished the movie and now, I was laying in bed looking at my phone. I decided to send Gavin a text before heading to bed.

How’s burning the midnight oil with Nines?

lame, i wish i was with my cats

Me too lol

how was dinner

Pretty good, we watched Into the Spider-Verse after. Connor had never seen it!

i haven’t either

You’re joking, right? Is this the Jameson and Ginger Ale thing again?

i barely have time for new movies, let alone old ones

We’re watching it ASAP

lol ok pipsqueak

hey i have bad news

Damn, you couldn’t secure a place for the Dead Mom Society to meet? Or is the bakery out of chocolate chip cookies?

no i have to work through lunch on monday

What are you going to have for lunch then?

idk a pb&j from the breakroom

Would it ruin your “working through lunch” if I brought you lunch and we eat it in the breakroom?

nines wont be too happy

Tell him it’s revenge for lying and setting us up!

ok ill work on him and let u know

Awesome! Good luck saving the city tonight, Batman!

ur the biggest nerd ive ever met

yet for some reason i like u

Awwwwww you like me

…hm

Yeah, yeah I like you too

I gotta go to bed, talk to you later

Sleep tight, pipsqueak

I smiled at the screen for a moment, even if that nickname was rude and had started as an insult, it was his thing for me now. I'm an adult woman. A nickname shouldn't make me feel this giddy, but here I am, grinning at a now black phone screen, thinking about how he only grins and never smiles and how handsome it is when half his face scrunches up to accommodate those grins. I wonder if he's grinning now, a small one at his desk, maybe into a cup of coffee to hide it while he returns to his case files. I hope he's grinning, feeling like a stupid teenager. I hope he likes me as much as I'm starting to like him. I fell asleep soon after, thinking of what I should bring him for lunch, trying to guess what would surprise him most without being too flashy, what I could do to make him grin for me again.

I woke up the next morning around 10 am, and laid in bed for a moment questioning how necessary it was for me to get out of this nice warm cocoon of blankets, with the sunlight streaming in gently just out of my eyes, and sighed loudly when I remembered that it was indeed necessary that I get out of bed, as Tina would be here to pick me up at 11:30. I kicked the covers off, grabbing my phone off the charger and moving to sit on the edge of the bed to check it before truly getting up. The first notification was a text from Gavin, sent around 5 a.m.

u can come on monday probs around 11 bring whatever im not picky

Will do, Batman!

I turned on a throwback playlist while I got ready, a quick shower where I debated too long over shaving my legs before I actually did so, thinking about how Tina might have me try on a suit or dress for the wedding. I hadn't decided what I wanted to go for yet, hence the indecisiveness with the razor. Eventually I bit the bullet and just took the extra five minutes to shave just to the tops of my knees, not bothering with my thighs as I highly doubted I'd be wearing a mini dress to a formal event, though it might be fun to see how Gavin would react to more revealing clothes. I filed the thought away while I got out of the shower, toweling off and tying the towel around my hair and brushing my teeth. By the time I had thrown on a pair of well loved jeans and a plain tee, Tina was calling me, I answered and before I could even put the phone to my ear, I could hear music blaring in the background, and then Tina screamed "HERE BITCH!" and promptly hung up. I pocketed the phone, and hurried looking for my Birkenstocks, of course they weren't by the door, they were in front of the fridge, where I had stopped last night upon arriving home to grab some food before heading to bed. I slid the sandals on, stopping for a moment to grab two packets of the applesauce squeezies for a quick breakfast.

By the time I got to the car, Tina was listening to a different song, but the volume was the same, I'm sure my poor neighbors who were trying to sleep in on a Sunday morning were not very pleased. I opened the door and slid in, Tina turned the volume down. What a shame, she had excellent taste in music, ‘Do I Wanna Know?’ by Arctic Monkeys isn't a song you just turn down!

"Took you long enough!" She laughed, a smile stretching across her face.

"Shut up I couldn't find my shoes!" I shouted, holding up my feet and wiggling my toes in the most comfortable pair of shoes ever made. She looked at my feet and raised her eyebrows, snorting.

"Jesus Christ I’m a lesbian and I still wouldn’t wear those ugly ass shoes, (Y/n)!” I gasped and smacked her arm.

“You’re disrespecting your culture!” I shouted, as the car silently started and began to pull out into the street, heading towards the dress store. Tina just giggled and I huffed.

“For that, I’m not giving you the applesauce I brought for you.” I tore open the packets, double fisting them and squeezing all their contents into my mouth. Tina howled with laughter

“What are you, fucking two years old! I cannot believe you!”

“You’re just jealous that you aren’t as stylish as me and now I’ve had a healthy breakfast which I assume you didn’t as you were at the station all night. I was going to be a good, kind, maid of honor and offer you sustenance but if you disrespect the birks, you disrespect me.” I joked, crossing my arms and looking out the windshield past her.

“Oh my god my maid of honor is two years old!!”

“Hey! That’s uncalled for, I’m not a toddler, if anything I’m like a seven year old, I make sense but just barely.” I joked. She laughed and nodded.

“Still can’t buy booze.”

“That’s why there are other best people who are of age who can.”

There was a natural pause in the conversation, the song changed and we both listened for a moment before Tina turned to me, a devilish grin on her face making me nervous.

“What?”

“So, I noticed something strange at work last night.”

“Yeah, what did you notice?” I laughed.

“A certain someone kept texting on their phone and smiling AND Nines wasn’t giving them a hard time for being on their phone.” She smirked. “I thought the date went bad?”

“How do you even know it was me, future Detective Chen?”

“Well, I may have glanced over his shoulder at some point and saw your name.” I laughed.

“Tina! I was going to tell you. You didn’t have to spy on Gavin!” She laughed.

“It was the heat of the moment. I promise the next time I spy on him I won’t tell you.” I shoved her shoulder and we both laughed.

“Man, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” The automatic car pulled into the bridal shop and we both squealed, jumping out of the car and practically running inside.

"I win." Tina said smugly as she crossed the threshold of the store before me.

"Hey who's the kid now!"

Time went by fast in the shop, the consultants immediately brought us back to a sitting area, offering us complimentary champagne that we happily took. Our consultant, a happy-go-lucky android named Lance, brought out a selection of pantsuits for Tina to try, and offered excellent counsel on all of Tina's concerns. She wanted something elegant and more masculine. She tried a couple things before deciding pinstripe made her feel like a mobster and that white was definitely not her color. Lance was always smiling and laughing with them, not minding at all when they laughed at one of the options or didn't like what he had brought for her. He was very efficient in bringing options, and after three 'no's' he brought out a selection of black jackets and pants, assisting her in a pair of slim fit high waisted slacks with a center vertical pleat to help her look taller, a simple white dress shirt with a short popped collar, and a sleek black satin jacket, with a black lining. The fabric shone nicely in the light, a little bit of a sparkle in the thread. She looked gorgeous, and I could tell she felt it too, the way her eyes shone a bit, and her cheeks flushed, though she would probably blame that on the champagne if I brought it up later.

“You should try on some bridesmaids’ dresses. I’ve got my suit and now I want to judge others!” Tina plopped down on the couch next to me and took my champagne from me.

"You haven't even decided on the style you want! Are you matching both bridal parties? Doesn't Valerie have a say in it then!" I squawked, reaching for the champagne flute she'd stolen from me.

"We actually have talked about it, and we decided that as long as everyone has blush pink or yellow in their outfit, whatever style they want is best. It eliminates the drama and keeps our wedding day happy." Tina said, tipping her head back and downing my champagne in one big gulp. I smacked her arm.

"Ah, I'd be happy to help you find a dress Miss. (L/N)." Lance offered, moving to sit next to me and offered out his hand, images of dresses popping up on his hand.

"What are you thinking Miss (L/N)? Would you prefer the blush tone or yellow?" Lance asked, looking at my face instead of his hand.

"Ah, blush please." I requested.

"Not a problem, it's a popular color so we have a lot of options. Now, what style cut do you like?" I looked at him like a fish out of water.

"I'm not sure, what do you think would look best, Lance?" He smiled, before pulling up a couple of images on his hand and explaining the styles and what design choices would flatter my features. I nodded, and he guided me back to the dressing room.

"I'm going to run and grab some of the options we discussed Miss. (L/N)." He told me, before shutting the door. He knocked when he returned about five minutes later, hanging six dresses on the wall for me. "When you're ready, join us in the showing room, and we can adjust the fit and see what the bride thinks." He told me. I shouted 'Thanks!' through the door before turning to decide which dress I wanted to try first.

“Wow.” I murmured looking at myself in the mirror. From the tag on the dress I learned it’s a ‘long chiffon dress with halter neckline.’ I didn’t really understand what any of those words meant, but this dress was…amazing. It made me feel like a goddamn princess.

“What’s taking so long!” I heard Tina shout.

“Give me a minute, you drunk!” I walked out of the dressing room, towards where Tina was sitting.

“Holy shit.” I laughed and spun around.

“It’s pretty good, right?” She got up and walked towards me.

“You’re getting this one. No question. I’m not letting you leave without it!”

“Are you sure? I can try a light-yellow dress if you want.”

“No, this one is perfect.” She smashed her cheek on mine and we both looked at ourselves in the mirror. I was smiling so wide my face was starting to hurt. She quickly grabbed her phone and snapped a picture of us, and I laughed.

“Tina!”

“What! I want to remember this moment.” She kissed my cheek. “I can’t wait to come back here with you when Gavin proposes.” She teased, causing you to laugh.

“We’ve gone on one date! How much champagne have you had?” She shook her head.

“Just three glasses, I’m drunk on happiness! Come on, change back and buy that dress!” I laughed and walked back to the changing room. I picked up my phone and saw Tina had sent me the picture already. Smiling, I sent the picture to my dad.

Got my dress for the wedding!

Beautiful kiddo!

#gavin reed x reader #gavin reed #detroit become human #tina chen #dbh #hank anderson #x reader

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dipplie · 3 years

Text

This is how I cope don’t @ me

1: Top 3 pets you wish to have Bunny, Mouse, pet bee 2: Top 3 Disney Movies Tangled, Zootopia, and a close tie between The Princess and the Frog and Wreck it Ralph 3: Top 3 OTPs Nick and Judy (I’m not a furry), honestly probably the other pairings from my 3 (4) favorite movies like Felix and Calhoun or Tiana and Naveen or whatever 4: Top 3 pick up lines Pick me up- no literally please just carry me around like sweep me off my feet no like ACTUALLY like ju- 5: Top 3 summer activities Lying in the grass, listening to music on the swings, drinking from the neighbors sprinklers because you didn’t bring water on your walk 6: Top 3 school memories -Once in 5th grade we were doing an egg drop, and I put mine off till the day before, so my parents just gave me a jar of peanut butter, and I just put the egg in the jar, and when they dropped it from the school roof it exploded all over the pavement and left a stain for years. -Another time in 9th grade, a couple friends and I wrote a giant “send nuds” in the snow beneath my friends next class’s window, and some other kids took a picture of it and spread it around, and like the whole school was talking about it for a day or two (though we denied it was us so we didn’t get in trouble). -And in 12th grade the last day of the 3rd semester, my AP Psych teacher said “you know you guys might not come back after spring break since the covid-19 virus might come to America.” And half the class was like: “I hope so we don’t have to come back haha.” And then we went into lockdown for a year 7: Top 3 things you find attractive Being looked at, Being talked to, Being touched at all oh my go d 8. Top 3 shops I dunno man can I say Build-a-Bear Workshop I’ve never been there 9: Top 3 romantic dates Theme park, Aquarium, Build-a-Bear Workshop 10: Top 3 drinks Milk, Milkshakes, the color purple

11: Top 3 spices/herbs oh my god im too white for this question I think doritios are spicy, SALT 12: Top 3 apps to use not tumblr 13: Top 3 months of the year not winter 14: Top 3 clothing items Skirt, Bows, Thigh-highs 15: Top 3 kinds of flower Daffodils, Buttercups, Dandelions (yes I’m aware they’re a weed) 16: Top 3 Christmas movies Home Alone 1, Those stop motion rudolph ones, the original grinch 17: Top 3 things you don’t/Won’t miss Angsty middle schoolers, Angsty high schoolers, Angsty people 18: Top 3 games Minecraft, Stardew Valley, All the Zelda games between 2002-2009 19: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows I really don’t watch actually T.V. shows I just watch anime sometimes maybe and youtube series man 20: Top 3 kinds of candy Butterscotch, Chocolate coins, Those little pebble chocolates that looks like fish tank rocks 21: Top 3 ways to exercise/be active Well I have an answer, but I don’t think I can say it~ 22: Top 3 spirit animals (I’ve heard something about this being possibly racist so I’ll approach this wish caution) Bunnies, Lambs, a pet rock 23: Top 3 petnames Honey, Muffin, Sweetheart 24: Top 3 places you’ve been to A yearly carnival my old town had once a year, Disney World even though I almost drowned there, The Arcade in my old town called Bananas 25: Top 3 most used websites Youtube, Tumblr (regrettably), Pintrest 26: Top 3 people you last texted My boyfriend, my friend, my co-worker friend 27: Top 3 hashtags you use imagine using the tags how they’re supposed to be used 28 Top 3 items you can’t leave the house w/o clothes (i’m really funny) 29: Top 3 guilty pleasures I write self-insert sometimes I guess 30: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take Psychology, Sociology, certain art classes 31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle My OC’s, My friends, inappropriate stuff 32: Top 3 aesthetics Cottagecore, Bloomcore, Wonderland 33: Top 3 things you’d buy if you gained three million dollars Pretty things, Cute Clothes and stuffed animals, therapy 34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself Buying pretty things, Wearing cute clothes and holding stuffed animals, therapy 35: Top 3 cartoon crushes Kyoya from OHHC, Mako from Kill La Kill, Marceline/Marshall Lee 36: Top 3 things to do in the snow Draw in it, make snow sculptures, eat it 37: Top 3 accents to hear Russian, Spanish, idk spanish 2 38: Top 3 scents Vanilla, Cream, Strawberries 39: Top 3 things to do in the rain Sit in the car quietly, make out probably, cry 40: Top 3 cupcake flavors Chocolate, Chocolate 2, Chocolate 3 41: Top 3 fruits Cherries, Strawberries, Grapes 42: Top 3 holidays to celebrate Halloween, Christmas, Valentines 43: Top 3 embarrassing moments My friend jokingly revealing my weird self insert fanfic I wrote in middle school (that was gross don’t ask about it) to my friend group, getting a constant D- in AP Stats the whole semester and the whole class secretly knowing about it, wearing an oversized minecraft shirt in my 6th grade school picture 44: Top 3 crayola colors Seafoam, Canary, Cotton Candy 45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college Get back into theater and actually be included and noticed, not cry in the bathroom, feel cared about by my classmates 46: Top 3 fanfictions you’ve read don’t ask me that you can’t ask me that the last fanfics i’ve read were in middle school 47: Top 3 people you miss right now My boyfriend, Two of my friends GJ, my dopamine 48: Top 3 fears Being hated, Being alone, Being abandoned 49: Top 3 favorite literary devices (oh god it’s been a minute hang on) Alliteration, Juxtaposition, Colloquialism 50: Top 3 pet peeves Saying one thing and doing another, trying to act like you’re being the bigger person by not choosing a side, constant self deprecation 51: Top 3 music artists AJR, 3OH!3, Fake Type 52: Top 3 bad habits BFRD OCD, speaking before I think, lately I’ve been lashing out 53: Top 3 ice cream flavors Cookie Dough, Bubblegum, Cheesecake 54: Top 3 meals you love Bread and cheese, cheese with bread, I like dairy and bread 55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime Where are we going, What are we gonna do, what are you doing onii-chan (im so sorry) 56: Top 3 dog breeds Small, fluffy, actually a cat 57: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood The Amazing World of Gumball, Courage the Cowardly Dog, y’all remember Might Bee??? 58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak Better French, More ASL, I guess Spanish would be useful 59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television) I like the first couple Saw movies but then it went kind of downhill, I eventually stopped keeping up with SU ad AT but they have lesbians now and we love that, and I guess I read Warrior Cats in middle school. 60: Top 3 pizza toppings Cheese, ???, that’s all I need 61: Top 3 youtubers you’re subscribed to Markiplier, Erolds Story, Wilbur Soot 62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas Little Flower earrings, Little flower tattoos, Little flower stuff 63: Top 3 awards you want to win love trust and affection 64: Top 3 emojis 🍄🐝🍋 65: Top 3 things you’d do differently have different parents 66: Top 3 places to be in the world In love, Back up, Purgatory 67: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid Lack of responsibility and pressure, Mental illness, Lack of shame 68: Top 3 baby names Penelope, Theodore, Sofie 69: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors Grape, Strawberry, Cherry 71: Top 3 turn ons People being patient with me, People treating me equally, Being touched kindly at ALL 72: Top 3 turn offs looking like Tyler1 73: Top 3 recipes you want to try Sugar spice and everything nice 74: Top 3 dream jobs Primary School Teacher, Child Consoler/Therapist, I dunno being a storytime animator sounds nice... 75: Top 3 lucky items Fidget Toys, Stuffed Animals, Random Office Supplies (you know the ones)

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