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heyidkyay · 7 months

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part One

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Warnings: This is gonna deal with a lot of controversial shit surrounding Matty and his past I'm ngl, so if you're not into that then I'd suggest not reading this! But if you are, then hi!! I hope you enjoy?

Authors Note: I'm back...:)) Back with a series too, or it will be if this first part goes down well! Lmao so pls don't hate it! Butttt in all honestly, I do have to quickly thank @procrastinatinglikeapro for all the kind words she gave me on the snippets I annoyed her with recently and for forcing me to actually believe in this fic because I very much was on the fence about posting again. So thank youuuu, it means a whole lot<3 Also, the skeleton of this was taken from a very old fic of mine which I started during the height of covid that I've just been thinking about trying to better for a long while now, so... enjoy?

And I guess let me know if this is something anyone would want to read more of? Yeeeeah, I really don't know what else to write here now, it's been a while, so! Hi, help, bye:)

Masterlist

“Yeah, yeah! I’m really into their sound at the minute! Honestly fell in love with their recent performance at the VMA’s- didn’t overdo it and kept true to themselves. Definitely did a great job there, so well done with that one if you’re listening in, lads!”

I was grinning from ear to ear as I spoke into the microphone before me, which was to be expected whenever I was at work. Strange, yeah I know, but only to any typical person with the usual nine to five, because I truly did love my job. It was tough work, strenuous at times, contrary to what most might believe, but it was pretty much everything I’d ever dreamt of.

See, I’d grown up on the outskirts of this tiny village in the Isles, where everybody knew everything about everybody. Secrets were never well kept- you could just ask our local priest about that one, who had often used to regale most of the confessions he’d heard in the only pub around for miles whenever he was pissed beyond being able to sit on his barstool. And it was also incredibly tight-knit, as in, all the kids who went to school together, then grew up and married one another, settling down and taking over the jobs that their parents or grandparents soon retired from. Hardly anyone moved away, if ever.

In reality though, it was actually just a place I’d always felt like a stranger in. Where I’d struggled to fit in and make friends, to form bonds outside of the one I shared with my mum.

I’d had a tough go of it back in school actually. ‘Mouse’ was what they’d seemingly dubbed me back then, a nickname which had travelled the masses all too quickly seeing as there had only been about sixteen kids in both my year and the one above.

It had mostly been due to me just having been an extremely timid child, hiding behind my mum’s flowing skirts whenever we went into town and much preferring that of my own company. But that fact hadn’t gotten any easier for me once I’d been forced out of school for a few years after an accident that had flipped my entire life on its head. Resulting in me being further isolated from the rest of the world and my fuck-face of a father running for the hills.

Still. Shit happened, I supposed, and I’d been forced to grow up.

Too quickly, in truth.

So whilst everyone else had been out living, I’d been holed up in our little dove cottage miles away from them all, with only books and music to keep me company. Music which had been a true constant in my life and just about the only thing that had gotten me by.

As well as my mum, who’d forever be my rock. And back when we’d both been growing up, she had always had the tele on full blast throughout the day, cycling through the freeview channels that played the recent top 50 and old school classics.

It was one of my favourite things to look back on now, if she was ever in the mood, or when the power would finally flicker and go out completely, she’d spin this old phonograph her own father had gifted her in the days before she’d left home. The two of us would dance around the living room whilst she’d clean on Saturday mornings and then hum to it as we settled in for a long storm, her working on her trusty crossword whilst I would read or draw. It would croon out old French records she had bought long before she’d moved to the UK, and before she’d ever even met my dad.

And I would just lose myself in it all.

It wasn’t just the basic premise of music that I had enjoyed though, it was everything else that also came along with it. The opinions, the reviews, the personal stories and thoughts, the way it made a person feel.

So, for years I would just sit down at the kitchen table and write for hours on end about the sound, the rhythms I’d felt and heard, the lyrics that had had me bellowing out or playing on a never-ending loop in my head. And then, as a teen, Twitter had come along and had been just another way for me to express it all.

That was what had led to all this actually. The radio.

At first, I’d never paid much mind to all of the people who had started to discover the small page I’d created, the users that had enjoyed reading my inner thoughts. But then I had and it had been an insane concept to comprehend, but was also what had, ultimately, pushed me into continuing with it.

From there, opinions on genres of music and their style throughout different decades turned into thoughts on up and coming artists, then actors and other A-list celebrities. So, I’d ended up spending an awful lot of time online, simply just tweeting about it all, on subjects followers had wanted to hear about and answering questions on whether I loved a certain album or new EP.

The account had grown rapidly after and by the time I’d had the balls to tell my mum I’d wanted to leave home and make a start for myself, in London of all places, it had gained well over fifteen thousand followers.

I went to uni down there and met people. People who didn’t shy away from me or shine a light on my odd quirks. I met my best mate there, too. And Finn was unlike any other. The platonic love of my life, or so I’d dubbed. He was eccentric, witty, and didn’t care about what anyone else thought of him. Forced me to feel that way too, slowly but surely. And it had only taken a few weeks before he'd grown rather suspicious of my constant need to always have my phone near.

He had, pretty early on, decided that I must’ve had some secret boyfriend back at home that I’d yet to tell him about and had annoyed me about it at every twist and turn, basically backed me into a metaphorical corner. So to say I’d relented fairly quickly wouldn’t be a lie, and I’d told him all about the account soon enough.

Finn had actually been the one to suggest that I take it somewhere bigger, make it into something people could tune into and not just read about. I had actually taken that consideration on board way back then, but had only acted on it when shit had hit the fan a year or so later. But we'll get to that.

So with it all, I’d made an actual radio show out of my thoughtless Twitter account, allowing people to listen in and actually get to know the person behind the name.

That was essentially how ‘Mouse On A Mic' had come to life.

Yup, I’d kept the fucking nickname! I couldn’t not in truth, it was familiar, reminded me of the person I once was, and who I am now. But the only difference was, I’d given it a new story. I’d claimed it.

The show's audience grew fairly quickly during that first year, I was new on the scene and seemingly refreshing. I had a no-bullshit kind of attitude that my listeners admired. I called celebs out on their crap and went to new extremes to conjure up inventive ways to get followers involved.

Ultimately doing things that other radio presenters were afraid to do at the time. Which was fair enough, in hindsight, they had actual endorsers and brands that were backing them up and funding their streams. Me, on the other hand, had no-one to answer to for my mistakes or any backlash the show received. It was just me, sat alone in my bedroom, speaking into a mic.

Only now, it was me sitting in a quaint little studio in East, not too far from my flat and walking distance from any and every coffee chain London had to offer.

Anyway, back to the current show! I adjusted my headset over my ear as I wheeled closer to the table, aware of the many monitors and cables I was constantly trying to avoid and glanced upwards, locking eyes with my co-producer, Adi.

The girl shot me a hurried gesture, a circular wave of her hand that had me chuckling to myself even as I waved her off, knowing I’d already gotten off track one too many times this recording.

"Alright! It seems as though we've got to move on with the next segment of the show now! Unfortunately, Ads here has informed me that I can't just sit around all day and talk about Inhaler forever. A right shame that, don’t you think?”

I huffed theatrically, whilst Adi merely shook her head at me in return, dark ringlets brushing the length of her shoulders as she mouthed the word 'prick' through the thick sheet of plexiglass that separated us.

Ignoring that loving endearment in favour of continuing on with the commentary, I hoped I hadn’t steered too far off track, there was still a lot scheduled for today's show that I had yet to go over.

“So moving on!” I sighed into the mic and rubbed my palms together, “It seems like quite a few of you lot, on Twitter especially, have made it loudly known that you want to hear my thoughts on Manchester’s very own Matthew Healy. God, is there yet another scandal under his belt I don’t yet know about, where’s he finding the time?”

I shook my head briefly and rolled forward in my seat. The wheels squeaked beneath my weight and I made a silent prayer that the mics hadn’t picked up the sound.

What a fucking topic, I thought quietly to myself and sent Adi a semi-amused smile before I peered down at the recent headline she had handed over to me earlier that morning.

It was the same old thing. Expected really at this point.

“Healy’s at it again! Whatever will we do?” I gasped, dramatising the whole thing as I stared down at the images of the haughty singer that were plastered across the printout I held in front of me.

There were four of them, a quick succession that had all seemingly come from a clip at a recent concert. Bit blurry but the title gave away to what was happening.

A laugh bubbled up out of me as soon as I read the headline. “Oh god, it appears Matty Healy is- just wait for it!- back at it again, only this time it seems he’s gone and traded off a drumstick for…” I paused to drum quite the anticipating beat against the tabletop, and as stoic as I could, I then added, “A joint!” And a smug grin made its way up onto my lips when I heard Adi’s faint cackle echo from just outside the booth.

“Honestly, I swear that everything this man does makes the rags! Reckon I saw an article about how he took his tea one time. And like, do me a favour, yeah? A man of the people though, in’t he? He’s got to be! I mean, just look at this headline. Fucking who the hell writes this shit?”

Tossers, I supposed. But even so.

“It’s madness.” I muttered, clucking my tongue, “But anyway, I’m guessing that most people claim him to be the epitome of a realtime rockstar, and sure, he might just be. 'Sex, drugs, rock & roll', all that shit. But how much longer is it going to last until everything goes tits up, hey?

“I mean, Healy can pretty much do whatever he wants at this point, he’s got half the world either falling at his feet or complaining about him- has done since he was what, a kid? Following his parents among the shadows of their fame before he stepped out and made an actual name for himself. It is insane to see how much he’s changed though!”

And it was. He and his band had risen to fame so evidently, their music was everywhere, they sold out shows constantly, and had the privilege to fly across the globe doing whatever they pleased. But they’d also practically grown up in the limelight, Matty especially. So it was hard not to notice the resounding changes.

“But, if I am being truthful. And when am I not? I thought that most of the shit that went around about him at first was a load of crap- publicity of sorts, if you get where I'm going with that. Or just him being an idiot, a lad who’s had to grow up with all these cameras on him all the time and had to basically learn what he can and can’t say in front of them. Slipping up from time to time, like most do. But, now? I’m honestly not too sure… It’s just a bit sad. In’t it? There was so much potential there.”

I shrugged, a hearty sigh falling with my shoulders.

“I actually used to quite like his stuff a couple years ago, he’s got a way with words, with just music overall really. Reckon if he’d gotten his shit together he could’ve been ranked higher up on the list of rockstars. Could’ve changed or paved a way for newer musicians. But not so much anymore. His songs lack the passion they once had, they’re not what they used to be. He works hard, I’ll give him that. But, I can’t help but wonder if it’s just his band pulling his dead weight along with them now.”

I took a slow breath, then gazed down at the small amount of sticky notes I had pinned to the monitor beside me: the next segment. I’d have to wrap this one up quickly.

“Maybe that’s a bit harsh.” I said, “But honestly, I just hope he takes an actual break sooner rather than later. The band looks spent and he just seems like he could do with some time away from all the cameras and prying eyes. Just so he can sort himself out good and proper, you know? Then again, that’s just my opinion among a sea of many.”

Truthfully? I really did think that Matty had talent, and he seemed like a sound enough guy- or at least he had done, a couple of years back, before all the controversy and whatever else. Now though, the guy just seemed so caught up in it all, in the fame, the tabloids, the drama. Unaware of just how far he’d fallen.

Me, I’d seen it one too many times before, with many of the greats even, and as painful as it was to watch, what more could I do, or say? I'm a nobody in comparison.

I blew out a short breath.

“Fuck, that got all serious didn’t it?” I tried to laugh off and only felt a little more at ease when I glanced up and caught Adi’s sincere smile, “Anyway, onto our next segment, reading a couple of your lots tweets! Let's see what everyone's saying about our amazing Adi today, hey? What was it last week, Ads- those yellow trousers you were wearing?”

“Oi, will you two stop mucking about, please? We’ve got to get going!” I scolded without any real heat, shaking my head as I held back chuckles, always amused by the infamous pair.

I’d not long left the studio, having walked with Adi to the nearby train station before heading over to Finn’s, and was currently packing away the belongings that had been messily upended from the Spiderman backpack I was often seen carrying about.

My gaze wandered over to the other side of the room once I’d teethed together the bag’s plastic zipper, over to where my son, Teddy, was currently in the midst of being whirled around by his godfather, tawny coloured curls flying in every-which direction as his cheeky grin grew even more prominent.

I felt the corners of my mouth tug upwards as I watched my best mate laugh at whatever the toddler had just said, tickling the boy’s sides too. If I was feeling incredibly sappy, I’d tell Finn then just how thankful I was to have him around, because he truly was incredible.

From the moment I’d found out that I was pregnant, Finn had been there for me. He loved my son almost as though Teddy was his own, he adored the kid like no other and had placed him on a pedestal above everyone else since the day he was born.

Finn was always free to take teddy whenever I had the show to fret about too, or if I was ever in dire need of another helping hand. He was fiercely protective of the two of us and I knew in the very depths of my heart that there would never be a hair harmed on my son’s head as long as he was around.

I was pulled from my thoughts just as the toddler in question came bounding over, giggling uncontrollably as Finn chased after him, his arms stretched out wide and crouched down to mimic the small boy's height. I couldn't help but notice the matching grins they both wore.

“Help!” Teddy squealed as he flung himself into my awaiting arms, allowing me to wrap him up and settle him safely on my hip, using my frame as a shield to block him from Finn’s view.

"You can't hide from me Teds, I’ll always find you!" Finn taunted playfully, laughing merrily as he wiggled his fingers at Teddy, who was only just peeking out at him from over my shoulder.

Teddy squirmed in my grasp, giggling and screaming senselessly as he tried to dodge Finn’s oncoming hands that had since managed to softly graze his sides. I could only roll his eyes in fond exasperation, the pair never failing to brighten my day, and I couldn't help but feel ever so grateful for whatever being had brought Finn into both mine and Teddy’s lives.

You see, Finn was the closest thing I’d ever had to a brother, let alone a best friend. He’d been the family I’d never known I’d needed, a home away from home. And I knew that I could always count on him for just about anything and he had proved that the day I’d turned up on his doorstep in the pissing rain one Tuesday night, utterly terrified after having just found out that I was pregnant.

“Alright, you lot!” I began, batting away one of Finn’s oncoming hands as he made to grab at Teddy's tiny ankle. “We've got to get home in time for your bath and tea, and I think Finn here has to pick up Liv from work.”

I was directing my voice towards the toddler in my arms but also sent a knowing look Finn’s way, one which caused the man’s eyes to widen in immediate realisation. ‘Liv’ was actually Olivia, Finn’s newest fling, only she had managed to last quite a while longer than the rest, a new record for him really.

“Shit, yeah.” Finn muttered before he hurried over to his desk in the far corner. I could only chuckle quietly, Teddy joining in too when he noticed, and watch on as he hastily started to grab at an array of items, shoving them into his jean pockets. Phone. Wallet. Keys.

When he was finished, Finn spun back around towards us and shot an accusing brow our way, not too pleased about having been the source of our amassment. Teddy and I couldn't help ourselves then and laughed a little harder at his impervious expression.

With that done and over with, I pressed my nose against the side of Teddy's head and smiled contently into his curls whilst Finn merely rolled his eyes at us, chuckling before he made a start for the door. I followed just behind, Teddy's backpack slung low over my shoulder and a happy little boy nestled in my arms.

***

People lover @/user1 Imagine being a mediocre radio host and thinking you know the ins and outs of the music industry.. #CancelMouse 102 @/user2 Don't mind me, reckon I just found my new favourite radio show:) Ugh! @/user3 Mouse sounded proper excited today but switched up so quick when that 75 bloke came up:// Soloveme @/user4 Hate to see people supporting toxic behaviour, sit down. Milk @/user5 Don’t hate me, I'll forever be a matty girlie!! But @Mouseonamic I kinda agree?? Paris @/user6 Do you think he’s seen it yet? > Too_shy @/user7 Probably, it’s trending rn >> Drummepls @/user8 Hope he’s okay and doesn’t take it as a personal attack..

He should’ve known really.

He should’ve fucking known.

Even in his drunken state he should have known not to look at what they were fucking saying about him. Slumped on the floor of his hotel room, propped up against the bathroom door, too exhausted to think about moving, let alone try.

He’d only heard a snippet, caught the last of it in the cab ride back from the club the band had found themselves in. But he had heard it, and he’d listened.

"He's got the whole world falling at his feet." He fucking wished. "Changed." Too right. "A load of crap- publicity of sorts, if you get where I'm going with that- but now I'm not too sure." Laughable, man. "It's just a bit sad." The story of his fucking life. "Potential." When’s he never not disappointing someone? "Lacks passion." Passion lies in living, mate, and he hasn't felt alive in a very long time.

"Not what it used to be." Who he used to be.

He lit another cigarette from a crumpled pack he’d pulled from his back pocket. Watched on as a curl of smoke unfurled in the air. He only wished he’d brought something upstairs with him, or grabbed one of the little bottles from the minibar before deciding he’d needed a piss. But if he closed his eyes hard enough he could imagine it all going dark, the world fading around him.

Though, even then he still couldn’t quite muffle the loud, pitying laugh that escaped him as he continued to scroll through the mass of tweets that never faltered. They were like a freight train, unable to stop.

Matty wiped his nose on his sleeve.

Never had he ever felt so fucking lost. Desperate for everything to just pause for a second. To stop and leave him alone for a bit. The world to let him wallow in the dark, dank pit he's hollowed out for himself.

But what a fucking life, hey.

Carelessly, he thumbed across the dimming screen, his intoxicated mind too focused on the task at hand to remember why exactly it was he was even sitting there on the cold bathroom floor. Something to do with Hann, he supposed, or George. Perhaps another heated encounter? Probably.

The sound of his phone's keyboard echoed off the surrounding walls and Matty breathed out a self-depreciating chuckle when he clicked send on the tweet he’d curated, not caring enough for the consequences. Hardly even thinking, in truth. He was far too gone to care anymore, already knew firsthand what the consequences would be tomorrow. But at that moment, he just wanted honesty. To tell the truth, for once. To let them all know that he knew he was a shit excuse for a person.

What more could the world possibly say anyway?

Everyone around him was the same. He was simply just a puppet on a string. They’d make him sing and dance until the day he finally wrapped those wired strings tightly around his neck, and then all they'd be able to do is sit back and watch the show. And he'd enjoy every unabating second of it.

Matty @/trumanblack 10s ago Radio shows are sick man, gotta love them! And I sort of am sad haha. And I do lie, we all lie, I spose. But just listen to the radio, kids!

He laughed silently after, amused with himself, and tossed the phone off somewhere off to the side so he wouldn’t have to look at it again.

Bullshit. It was all just fucking bullshit.

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sassymajesty · 2 months

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may I ask what made you pick judaism, if it's not too personal & you're willing to share? i legit dont know enough about religions so i'm genuinely curious. like why not islam or something else? or why not transfer to protestant or orthodox church? you said you did some wandering, so i'm just curious what made you pick judaism over everything else. like i said i'm not judging or anything, just pure curiosity due to my lack of knowledge! but i'm glad you found something that resonates with you :)

short answer, jewish beliefs resonated the most with me and the more i learn about it, the more at home i feel

long answer, oh boy, i really did do some wandering. i'm putting it under a cut because i wrote a whole essay

i stopped going to the catholic church when i was 15, and the next... ten years? were spent trying to find myself. because i've always known that i believe in something more, but the idea of an old guy in the sky ruling over us with an iron fist felt very odd too me. and that's how i came out of the catholic church

my dad used to say that religion is supposed to bring you comfort and give you the support you need in tough times. that's something that has always stuck with me but then, which religion?

i tried the agnostic route for a while, but that didn't bring me any comfort. then i went to a buddhist temple a couple times, because the logic was sound to me, and i was at a time in my life where acceptance and kindness was what i needed. but still, i felt like there was something lacking

i googled a lot

being gay, i didn't quite vibe with most christian denominations in my town. but my cousin invited me to the presbyterian church and i went there for a few months. it kinda worked for a bit, because i was sure i didn't believe in saints and they talked about jesus with so much love, and tried to spread the love he taught the world. i used to leave the church service feeling very loved, and it was better to read from the bible than it was to just listen to the priest read it and being told that i'd never understand it myself

i just... didn't feel the same love as everyone else. i felt like a fraud even when i was annotating my bible as everyone else. theirs were full of devotion and mine felt flat, i didn't know how to pray without, you know, scripted prayers, i felt like an impostor. then, well. then it got to a point where i couldn't simply ignore being gay for the sake of being accepted there, and i stopped going

at the time, i was working at a health clinic and i worked with pious people from other christian denominations and they were so judgemental of everyone that came in, forgetting their own past and still claiming to be a good christian. which only pushed me away from any other christian denominations, the fanon interpretation of jesus bothered me too. it all felt too restrictive

that's around the time i started wondering whether or not i believed in jesus. it's always been complicated for me to make sense that god, jesus and the holy spirit are separate but still one. i could kinda figure out the holy spirit and god working together, but for me, jesus was a man, a human man who had been kind and drastically radical for his time, but still a man

honestly, at this time i was pretty lost and finding comfort in bits and pieces here and there. christian music actually helped me a lot during this time, go figure

it took me actually meeting a jewish person (that's how small judaism is in here, i had no contact of anyone jewish for 26 years of my life) for me to learn that you could even convert to judaism

i had the catholic thinking of "oh, judaism is an old religion that doesn't really exist anymore" and "the old testament god was barbaric", but getting to learn more about it with fresh eyes was a really breathtaking experience

i like that the rules make sense. there's no "because the church says so" or "because god will be sad if you do it". whatever argument you can think of, someone has gone over it at least a thousand years ago and have had people arguing for or against it ever since. i love it that you get to ask questions!!! you're encouraged to!! oh that's my favorite part, i can have doubts about whatever and no one will talk behind my back that i'm not a good catholic girl. and i get to learn about this practice that goes back thousands of years, and not to be a nerd, but i love how much incentive there is to read and learn and discuss and talk through things and question everything and think critically about every passage, every tradition, every book ever written on judaism

i'm reading "here all along" by sarah hurwitz and there's a chapter called "freeing god from "his" human-shaped cage in the sky" and in it, she talks about different conceptions about god that jewish people believe in. and that is when i realized oh yes, this is home. because god stopped being an old guy in the sky and became this force that no human being could ever describe or understand. god can be all knowing and all powerful, but they can also be all knowing and not all powerful. they can be everything — a shadow the tree casts, the good in humanity, resting on shabbat. god can be the "process of being" or the force that pushes you to be the best you can be. i haven't explored a fraction of those but i love it that i don't have to choose just one, and i don't have to believe in one version that's dictated to me

all my experiences with judaism have been incredible so far. i used to slog through an hour long mass, now two hours every friday feel like not enough. the community i found (both in the synagogue i go to and online) is very welcoming and there's so much strength in them. the more i learn about the practices, the why behind them, the more at home i feel

we had an event for people who want to convert and we talked about being gay and judaism and everyone was pretty much you just gotta find a rabbi that you're comfortable with but even the most conservative ones are mostly chill with it, and the conversation moved on to another question. and that? being accepted fully by who i am, that's incredible for me. i don't have to change, i don't have to force myself to believe in anything

i'm gonna end this here, otherwise i'll be talking about judaism until next week

#anon #💌#jumblr #jewish conversion #judaism

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theblogwithoutfear · 7 months

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Thoughts on the Ahmed run (spoilers)

I know we're only three issues in, but I thought I'd ramble about the current state of the union

My main complaint is the memory loss story--it's a little disappointing. I was hoping that arc would go further and have a lasting impact on Matt; but he remembers everything so fast. Within the first issue he was back in the suit, and it feels like he moved on so easily from the trauma of everything.

Idk, I think it makes his sacrifice from Zdarsky's run feel a bit meaningless.

However, I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, and wait for a while to see how it goes.

I'm loving Matt as a priest at the group home. It feels a little bit like a nod to the Netflix show, with Sister Maggie and the orphanage. Maybe I'm just reading into that, idk. I realize a lot of people hate when the comics start taking things from the show--but I don't mind in this case. Plus, seeing Matt interact with kids is always a win for me

And the religious overtones/dark imagery? The moral complexity of his head vs. his heart? The duality of what he does in the day vs. the night? Love it. give me more.

I do miss lawyer Matt, though. It's been a hot minute since we've seen that, and I'm really hoping Ahmed will take Matt back to his roots at some point.

I'm torn on the artwork. There are some BEAUTIFUL panels (this one is one of my favorites) and the coloring is so vivid and dynamic. And Matt is hella attractive in this run so far, so that's a big plus

but also, there's something a little too... like... shiny? About everything? Things look polished almost, in a way that's a little weird. Sometimes the faces don't feel very defined.

I also think there's less weight in the artwork. The movement is a lot less dynamic and fluid than the last run. Everything feels a little like it's floating, the punches don't carry much weight, and it just makes everything feel... lower stakes, I guess.

I don't know, I'm a big Checchetto fan, and his artwork felt really solid and grounded. So maybe I'm just still adjusting--I'll give Kuder some time before I really make a judgement call.

Because again, there's still some really beautiful and dynamic things here. He's doing neat things with panel placement/shape, which breaks up the page nicely and has cool effects on the pacing

I've also got mixed feelings about the tonal change thus far. Maybe this is a hot take, but I'm not into quippy Daredevil. I think he functions best as a character when he's really serious. He's usually got a gravitas that really informs the way he conducts himself. The quips in the latest issue take away from that, at least in my opinion.

Then again, Mark Waid made it work really well. Ahmed could very well be trying to do something similar. Again, it's something I'll reserve judgement on. I'm not against a lighthearted Matt, per se. I just think the darkness makes the storytelling so much more compelling and grounded (which is the reason I think people are also tired of the quippy humor in the MCU lately).

I hope the goofiness isn't going to be a long-term thing, but I feel okay about it for the time being. Especially since it's only every so often (at least so far). The run overall still feels fairly gritty and grounded.

I'm intrigued to see where he's going to take Elektra as the Woman Without Fear. I was pleasantly surprised by that arc in the Zdarsky run (wasn't much of an Elektra fan until recently, tbh) and I'm curious to see what's next for her. We haven't seen as much of her as I'd like so far, but hopefully that will change.

All that being said, I'm actually really enjoying this run so far. I'm not enjoying it quite as much as Zdarsky, but I still think it's really excellent. Ahmed's doing some interesting things with the character, and I'm really excited to see where he takes it.

Anyway, I'm curious to know if anyone else has thoughts on the run thus far. Opinions? Thoughts? Vehement disagreements?

(bonus picture because I'm obsessed with the priest vigilante look)

#and I didn't even mention Ben Urich!! Crazy plot twist #also im begging you Ahmed bring back Foggy Nelson #when will Franklin return from the war 😔#daredevil #comics #daredevil comics #Saladin Ahmed #Aaron Kuder #matt murdock

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greypetrel · 1 year

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Hi! What’s your favorite book??

Oh damn you uncovered Pandora's box, THANK YOU FOR DOING IT. :D

I can't choose only one to save my life, but a selection of my favourites, dividing between prose and poetry/theatre... Under the cut because IT LONG. And I'll jump at every chance to speak about my favourite books. (ask the Literature major about books and have them go on rambling for hours)

Prose:

- Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien . Getting into the saga has been one of those formative events for me, as for many other people around. It's an adventure, it's full of love and hope, it can be fun and light and go into deep themes as well. I'm in love with all of Tolkien's works (the fairy tales are so sweet and tender, you can see how much he loves his children reading Roverandom)(and Tree and Leaf has a special place in my heart). I majored in Germanic Philology because of him, and I can say I wouldn't be the same person if I haven't ever read LOTR.

- Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov. Another one of those books I can tell had a "before" and "after" in my life. I LOVE a good satyre, and Bulgakov is just *chef's kiss*. Wouldn't recommend it to anyone that knows little of Russian History or thinks erroneously (sorry not sorry get better informations) that Lenin was a good statesman and a good person. But... There's love, there's a sad woman being empowered by going outside the fence and expectations, good and bad are reversed, there's this very russian theme of strong women saving their male love interest (or trampling them. Seriously, female characters in Russian or Ukrainian as in this case classic authors are SOMETHING ELSE). Social and political criticism. And, a giant cat walking around Moscow and causing ruckus, and I don't know what you could possibly want more from a book.

- The Count of Montecristo, Alexandre Dumas. I distinctly remember barging into my therapist studio after I finished it and saying I was sad because yes I could read this book again, but it wouldn't ever be the first time again. What a glorious, epic book! Managing to mash epic themes with that underlying TRASH that it's typical of Dumas and he manages always to make work so well (the convenient cave full of treasures that NOBODY ever found but this one priest? Seriously Alexandre? XD ). Great, great, great book.

- A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf. It's one of those books, along Animal Farm and Se Questo è un Uomo, that I'd have EVERYONE read. It's technically non-fiction, but Mrs Woolf had her way to make it a great read. Go read it if you haven't.

- Two Years, Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Nights, Salman Rushdie. Salman Rushdie could write a shopping list and make it the best thing ever. I love his style, I love magical realism, and I'm choosing this only because it was the first I read and I had a blast. It's glorious it's great, I love it, and I'm so sad Midnight's Children has such a lame adaptation (but it's not a book that's easily translatable if not in a series Game of Thrones long...).

- Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer. My goodness, the heartbreak of this book. It's one I have quotes saved around notebooks. It's heart-breaking in the most beautiful way, he's definitely one of those authors you either love or hate... I'm on the love end of the spectrum.

- Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen. It's basic bitch of me, I know. I don't care. As above, I'm all for social satyre and Miss Austen was just on another plane of existance on that. I'll fight people saying she wrote romances. She did not. Northanger Abbey holds a special place in my heart as well, but who doesn't have a crush on Mr Darcy, beside people who read this book thinking it was a romance? No no no read it again in the perspective that the author is mocking the heck out of every single character. Lizzie included. Austen is FIERCE. And Mr Darcy is such a beloved character because he learns from his mistakes and he's not afraid to admit it. Wow.

- Vita Scritta da Esso (Life written by himself), Vittorio Alfieri. I am not the biggest fan of italian literature, it's too much impronted on realism at all costs and MEH. Vittorio Alfieri was an anglophile and one that looked well beyond the Alps for his writings. His life was so entertaining and damn if he can make it entertaining and fun! That man travelled Europe, looke the fucking Kaiser in the eye (it was very offensive to do), had affairs with a Duchess, his long term partner was another English noblewoman... Who was married! And they were together since they met until he died! She was the one who published this Autobiography! Also personal preference: he wrote a whole satyre saying shit about the Accademia della Crusca and I love him madly for that. GO READ ABOUT VITTORIO ALFIERI.

Poetry/Theatre:

- Gitanjali, Rabindranath Tagore. Stop everything you're doing and read this. Now. You're welcome in advance.

- Poem Without a Hero, Anna Akhmatova. Anna Akhmatova would be very welcomed to step on me, I'm saying this shamelessly, it's just... URGH, it's melancholic, it's epic, it's heart-gutching.

- Anything by Christina Rossetti. Anything. Give me Christina Rossetti and some pre-raphaelites and I'd be happy.

- The Waste Land/The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot. That man loved his quotes. I loved that man because he loved his quotes and it's lyrical in a way that... Oh. How he depicts loneliness. "Coffee Spoons" is a quote from Prufrock ("I have measured out my life in coffee spoons". Is it pretentious? I don't care I have FEELZ for that poem)

- Cyrano de Bergerac, Edmond Rostand. The marvel of this comedy can't be fully expressed by words, I love it, I adore it, it made me feel better with myself as an owner of an important nose.

- Macbeth/Othello/Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare. I majored in English Lit and I couldn't leave the Bard outside. I can't choose between these three, and choosing only three was difficult. I spent once 3/4 of an hour in an exam only speaking of the first three lines of Othello and I could do it again, ask me about it. :)))))

- Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. IT IS THE BEST THING EVER I love the Arthurian Cycle and this little thing is just... AAAAAAH. Gawain is a bisexual icon (it's not me headcanoning, he smooches both men and women, it's him. YOU GO GAWAIN). Yes I have deep feelings for the movie as well, Dev Patel we're not worthy of you.

I am leaving outside a lot of thing that I will remember in ten minutes and cry profusely about, yes. Also I am containing myself over fangirling about poetry too much because you won't hear the end of it otherwise, there are some things of Sylvia Plath and Auden and Yeats and Maya Angelou that just melt my little dark heart, but this is already far too long...

Also in this house we stan that Bob Dylan earned his Nobel Prize, fuck you Alessandro Baricco.

#personal crap #books #poetry #I should not be given leeway to talk about books or poetry if you want me to stay syntetic #am I sorry? Absolutely not.

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discreetcompanion · 1 year

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I graduated! I would love to post more here but I'd rather keep details to myself as I understand not everyone that frequents this blog has the best intentions. I also think that's a safe assumption anytime you post on the internet no matter who you are (seriously, be safe!). So yes I graduated and I've decided to build another business. It wasn't what I went into this program thinking I'd be doing but it's what I've decided to do. I mean, after being an entrepreneur for as long as I have, it's difficult to imagine being told what to do and when to do it. Don't get me wrong, I do feel there is value in learning from others but for this next chapter, I'll be fine on my own until I start feeling I can benefit from some continuing education or mentorship. If you know me you know I always welcome any opportunity to learn and grow. I didn't post much here because I started this blog while I was in school. I knew i wouldn't be able to post much but I also wanted a space for people to get to know me and assess compatibility.

If you sent me a text this past week, my phone was turned off. Valentine's day came and something said to me "take the day off" and I did then I took the next day off and the next day off. I had a lot of time to think about what I want and need right now in this stage of my life and I've decided to wind things down a little bit more.

From today on, my safe gfe sessions will remain the same but will have a two hour minimum. My fbsm session will be changing. It'll be the same amazing full sensual massage but modified. I can hear those of you that haven't met me say "well what was it like before?!" bwahahaha well you missed out! TOO BAD!! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Time with me will always be a treat. It's just now I'm putting some much needed boundaries between me and this work as I work to start a new chapter of my life.

Please don't read a review of me and expect the same session the next person received. The only thing I can guarantee you when we meet is you'll meet a lovely, gorgeous, playful woman. I'll always be pleasant and provide a great service but as I said in my last post everything else depends on your demeanor, attitude...etc.

There's certainly been one or two assholes over the years. We'll put the guy from my last post in the number 3 spot HA! It tickles me when clients say "you must meet a lot of crazy guys" I always tell say "nope! most are just like you!" And truly, they are. I've met deans, executives, CEOs, politicians and priests - yes I really met a priest and a rabbi once. To be exact, I've met two priests and a rabbi. I just remember them being so down-to-earth and super cool. Lovely people.

Having said that, I just wanted to say to those that I've met, thank you, truly. It's so easy to watch the news or read the boards and think everyone is out to get you or hurt you but in my little world you guys have shown up for me, taken care of me, well, to be fair I think we've taken care of each other but you've allowed me to experience your beauty and goodness even if just for an hour or two at a time. And you've allowed me to meet a part of myself that I love, admire and respect so much. Thank you.

So where do we go from here, well, I've been saying it for awhile but I do believe I'm leaving this thing of ours this year. It just seems my life is moving faster than I am and I'm trying to create the space I need to take care of myself and take action on my goals. But I'll keep you posted, okay? As for when I'll be posting new pictures, if I don't post pictures by this Friday, i'll have some new ones up early next week. I promise. Until then.

xoxo, E

update: After talking to some of my clients and some of you, I've decided to keep the one hour for gfe and raise it. My tryst ad have been changed to reflect the new rates. Thank you so much for the feedback <3

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novoplata · 2 months

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Holy Week reflections.

Earlier last week, I came across a post that highlighted how the saying "live by the sword, die by the sword" is actually coined from the Bible. Specifically, it's the verse where Jesus rebuked Peter for cutting the ear of Malchus, the high priest's servants who came to arrest him (Matthew 26:52).

I've probably read that verse hundreds of times now, or heard it being read during Holy Week, but it took me this long to finally realise what it meant. It goes to prove that the Bible is indeed alive and active. It speaks to you according to what you need to hear, and I'm constantly learning new things throughout the shifting seasons of my life.

Basically, the verse reminds me that what goes around comes around. In this particular season of my life, during which I'm grappling with office politics at work (something that I'd never experienced before), the natural reaction for me is to retreat and leave.

I feel no inclination to defend myself or prove myself to anyone. Part of me also wants to retaliate and strike back. But no. Turn the other cheek. This is probably the lesson I need to learn this season of my life.

The message for me this season is: beware of your choices. What goes around comes around. Make that your consolation and warning at the same time.

The dynamics of grace and rezeki.

I remember getting my first job in PR as an associate consultant in 2014. The job paid really well, but one particular boss was so difficult (many others confirmed this as well, so it wasn't just me) that I ended up submitting my resignation letter three times within a year (each time, our director would beg me to retract my resignation).

When my contract with the company finally ended, part of me was relieved, but part of me was grieving the fact that I probably wouldn't find a job that could match my last drawn salary. I was right. I only found my next job about four months later. With little leverage and shrinking savings, I had to accept a job that paid 40 per cent less.

But that's where I learned that God's grace is dynamic. People always say that one's rezeki is not always contained by how much salary you get (though your salary is part of your rezeki). It could be good health, or a good circle of friends, or joy in your heart, or anything else that adds to your life.

I always look back in amazement at how although my drawn salaries were much lower from 2015 through 2018, my total income throughout those years was actually more than during which I was earning a higher salary. Simply put, I enjoyed ample opportunities, I was always at the right place at the right time, and I was connected with the right people.

Today, I'm back where I was in 2014 (probably a company curse) and once again, I'm getting paid well but everything else is amiss. I have backstabbing colleagues, I hardly have time to work out, and I'm starting to dread going to work every morning.

I want to leave, but I know that I probably will not get the same salary elsewhere, so I remind myself of the dynamic nature of grace. I remind myself that God is not limited to blessing me through one single channel. He is sovereign and all-knowing. He is a way-maker and when He leads, He will come through.

I'm giving myself until the end of this year for experience's sake. After that, I'll do what I need to and take that plunge into entrepreneurship. I'll be fine, He'll make sure of it.

#random #life lessons

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ellowynbeimler · 3 months

Text

Mar 13

Dear Dad,

We’re still being followed, and we've been seeing the Donkey cult people when we stop. We're pretty sure it's the right group, in part because they're, you know, following us.

We’ve barely stopped in days; we haven't really had a chance to make any money, so we don't even have money for inns, and when we do, we're barely stopping long enough to sleep. Riley and Reese won't let us sleep on the road, even though it's been messing up our sleep, because they're worried about the cult people catching up to us when we don't at least have four walls to protect us.

I feel like I haven't been sleeping at all. Almost as soon as I lay my head down, I'm being woken up, and almost as soon as I can sleep after my watch shift, we're back up. The innkeepers we've stayed with have been concerned about our hours. Show up in the evening or morning, or what have you, and check out a little later. Not enough time for us to sleep at all, but we really need the minimal sleep. And we're not getting it.

Everyone's got eye bags, and when we're walking, we're moving at a snail's pace.

Everyone is getting snippy with each other, and I hate it. I just want to sleep more.

The towns are distractions at best. We've changed course a couple times, and we're still heading toward the city but darting off side to side. Zig zagging.

I don't think it's helping very much, if at all.

No one knows how they know how to find us. We've all checked ourselves and each other for anything and everything that might be a tracking device, electric or magical.

Willow suggested we should just get rid of all our clothes and stuff and get completely new stuff just in case it was invisible. Which sounded insane when she first mentioned it, but now that I'm thinking about it, I think it might be the best choice.

We’re scared. That's really what it boils down to. I'm scared. Riley, Will, Reese, Zunair, and Grace are scared. Everyone's scared. We don't know why they want us, what they want us for, how they track us, or anything. We don't know anything. We just want to get away.

I don't know if we even can get away. If the city really is big, maybe we'll be able to lose them in it, but I don't know for sure. It might be a tiny city, or maybe the high priest person was right, and they're already waiting there for us.

Our only hope is to lose them, but they've been relentless. Maybe once we get the information, we can see if the temple can help us again. I'm not too hopeful. I mean, we basically ignored them the first time. But if we're at least somewhere, anywhere else, maybe they won't be able to find us again? Or we'll be able to put enough distance between us and them so that we'll be able to get home before they catch up to us again?

We’re trying to get home, but what if something happens to us first?

Grace has already almost died from being attacked, Zunair has already almost died from freezing to death, and I'VE ALREADY ALMOST DIED! We've gotten so close, so very, terrifyingly close to death

. And that was almost all just pure chance, wrong place, wrong time, and my not knowing just how dangerous of a situation I'd put myself into.

And now we're being hunted down, actively, like animals.

It's terrifying, it really is. I just want to go home. I just want to sleep. I just want to see you again and know that it's all going to be okay.

I don't think it's ever going to be okay again. I really don't think it is, and I don't know if there's anything I can do to fix it.

I don't know if anyone can fix it.

I’ll write when I can. I can't believe I even had enough time to write you now.

I’m sorry for everything I've ever done. For complaining when you weren't home. For everything I can remember doing wrong and anything I don't remember.

I'm really sorry, and if I don't make it home, I hope you'll be able to read these and know that I love you and that I really, really tried to get home.

I'm sorry I'm leaving you alone. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to.

I'll keep trying till my dying breath if that's what it takes, I really hope it doesn't come to that.

But I'll keep trying.

This is not just for you but for everyone: for Grace's family, for Riley and Willow, and for Zunair and Reese's families, too. So even if I don't make it home, even if none of us do, you'll all know that we tried, that we wanted to, that we didn't give up.

I'll keep trying,

Jack

Read the rest of the series here:

Or read more by this author here:

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angeltreasure · 3 months

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Sorry for coming here--and it wouldn't let me use my other blogs' title, that's why I am on anonymous, but would you pray for me please? I have been failing hard core at this quest given to me by I think Christ or someone very close to Christ and I worry about the consequences for my soul for not being able to stick to it. Our priest told us that Ash Wednesday and Lent are a contract with God and if we make a promise and then don't follow through, it isn't God who collects but Satan.

So far, I have failed at almost everything but the prayer and sign work--I am very stressed and scared even if most of the signs I have been receiving so far have been pleasant and positive. I still am really scared about what it means for my soul--

I would talk to our local priest about it but I'm scared that he'll try to exorcise me or condemn me--plus I have history with causing complications in the dioceses (i didn't mean too--it just kinda happened--again while I was trying to do the will of the Lord it just kinda blew up in my face, but that is a story for another time--or maybe I will never tell it, for both my sake and the sake of everyone else involved) so I don't wanna cause waves or upset the delicate balance of our little Parish and it's shared congregations or to upset the people who I have hurt before because they are still active in their positions and I'd hate to drag anyone through any of this.

******{{{{{{{Lenten Plans from the Universe/The Messiah/The Golden Timeline (02/13/24)

Okay so basically, here is the plan--handed down through divine intuition or signs or whatever gave me the information--I trust the information source--so here's my spiritual cleanse for the 40 days:

3 days of (as close as possible) no sleep--72 straight hours--then 2 days of regular sleep schedule for the next 40 days

40 days of no more than 1200 calories every day

40 days no spend (outside of food and bills)

40 days (at least) of no medication (exception--Excedrin Migraine but only in extreme situations...)

Increased prayer/communing/sign reading

***I want to be clear that this is something that I am doing for my own spiritual cleanse and enlightenment and enrichment and etc; I'm not advertising this as a responsible or safe or anything--this isn't a recommendation--you're welcome to join me in an attempt but consult with your own support system including mental health team.***}}}}}}} *****

I'm sorry this is so long--I'm just upset and scared and trying to do the right thing--God bless you, please pray for me. (Also yes I have a therapist, yes I am trying my best to keep promises to my mental health team, yes they are informed about what I am up to--) I'm just really scared and I don't wanna screw up my life or my afterlife. Thank you. God bless.

I’m not sure who your priest is but you won’t be bound by sin if you slip up or can’t complete this complicated set of rules. You really should delete number 1 (the no sleep thing) and number 4. (No medication expect migraine stuff) because this can really damage your health not just physically but also mentally.

Not having enough sleep is the equivalent of being drunk. You place yourself and others in danger. You need sleep. If you don’t get enough sleep you will cause yourself stress and you also put your immune system at risk. It’s not worth the risk.

Avoiding all medication expect for migraines is also dangerous, particularly if without medication you are at risk of harming yourself or others. You need to take your medications as scheduled. Don’t let a challenge for Lent be an excuse for you to stop taking what your doctor prescribes specifically for you alone. Get rid of #1 and #4.

The other ones are great. I see no problem with those.

You don’t need to talk to a priest about it. If you mess up, all you have to do is simply acknowledge it like “oh I accidentally messed this one up and that’s ok), and move on. You won’t go to hell because you broke 2-3,5. God knows we’re going to mess up. It’s our human nature to mess up sometimes. Don’t beat yourself up so much over it. Praying for you.

#asks

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foxghost · 4 years

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How come I just realized recently that in Guardian novel the confession and the instant noodle scene is in the same chapter? 😅 Mood whiplash indeed 😂😂

Let’s put ourselves in his shoes for a moment

ZYL can offer a house closer to the bf’s work: the boyfriend can teleport

ZYL can offer to drive the bf to work so he never has to walk by thugs again: the boyfriend is basically invulnerable

ZYL can ... offer to buy him clothes? But Shen Wei seems to magick his clothes into existence

When you fall in love with a god all you can offer him is junk food

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i-put-the-yan-in-polyandry · 2 years

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VOICELINES: HELIOS

HELLO: I am naught but a travelling priest. Please, pay me no mind.

CHAT: PRIESTHOOD: I do not belong to any particular sect or organization, our views do not align. That anyone could alter Their word for profit, that anyone would follow that blasphemy. No, I refuse.

CHAT: KNOWLEDGE: Many of the texts I preach have been lost to the ages, I doubt even The Seven would know them all. Humanity's proclivity for picking and choosing... How do I know of them? You don't think I'd make this up, do you?

CHAT: AGE: Perhaps my face is too young, it seems wherever I go, I'm seen as some young upstart. How old am I? Haha... that's a rather rude question. Well, I'm as old as my worship, how is that for an answer?

ABOUT HELIOS: Must you insist? Very well. My name is Helios, just Helios.

ABOUT CRYAS: I know a meddlesome child, always causing problems for me. I've told his Mother many a time of his misbehavior, yet they insist he is a good child. To them, and no one else, maybe.

ABOUT CYRES: Hmm, perhaps I should bring something back for him. Who, you ask? Perhaps the only agreeable sort I've dealt with in my work— not including my master, of course.

ABOUT DARLING: WORSHIP: I worship and revere only one, I believe you understand who that is.

ABOUT DARLING: LOSS: I never thought I would be the one to see Them close their eyes for the last time. I never thought I... that I could ever outlive Them. And yet, that day... I still struggle to comprehend it.

SOMETHING TO SHARE: The world changes unexpectedly; every time I think Teyvat will settle into a peaceful lull, something new happens. Especially those two...

INTERESTING THINGS: Did you know there have been exactly one-thousand-three-hundred-and-twelve attempted revisions to the Divine One's teachings since Teyvat founded their church? Of course, I wouldn't allow such a thing.

MORE ABOUT HELIOS: I would be happier to know more about you. I hear you have many stories to tell.

MORE ABOUT HELIOS II: I make it my life's work to record the truth of Teyvat's history, so that if, one day, the Divine One were ever to return to us, they will know the truth of this world's history.

MORE ABOUT HELIOS III: In truth, I am not a being of this world. I came to inhabit it long before the rise of civilization. I'm not quite sure why I've stayed... Perhaps I'm simply incapable of moving forward.

MORE ABOUT HELIOS IV: I met the Divine One as no more than a mere mortal, and yet, they saw potential in me. They offered me the chance to explore the stars and beyond. I will never forget that.

MORE ABOUT HELIOS V: Allow me to reintroduce myself: I am Helios, Hand of the All-Creator, Grand Librarian of the Akashic Records, and eternal follower of Their Divinity.

HELIOS' HOBBIES: I spend my days reading through texts and keeping record of all additions and changes anyone attempts to make. I have created copies of every text since the dawn of written language, in multiple languages to cross-reference.

HELIOS' TROUBLES: Those two troublemakers seem insistent that my master will return one day. But, I've already come to terms with it. "Everything with a beginning must have an ending," that is what They told me.

#slimegod.oc #helios #sagau #my boy <3 #this is an official apology to Cryas for taking so long on his lines but he's being DIFFICULT #cult genshin au

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ren-c-leyn · 2 years

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Happy STS! How would your OCs describe each other? Have a nice weekend x @catharticallysarcastic

And a happy sts to you as well ^^

I have a ton of projects and even more OCs, so I'll just answer for the Forgotten Gods trio. It got a little bit away from me, so I'm going to put it under a read more.

Silver -

Kitan is... energetic, to say the least. Always rushing, bouncing, hugging, and so on. He's loud, particularly for a beast-kin. Thyme hears him coming long before he reaches the stairs. It's hard to find him threatening. He tries far too hard, if you ask me, particularly for someone so soft. I'm not sure why. If he's trying to please people or escape himself. Maybe there isn't a reason for how he flings himself into action at the slightest suggestion. It's sad, in it's own way, and yet his enthusiasm is uplifting. Like a small patch of sunshine on a cloudy day.

Reuven.... That's a hard man, elf, to get a read on. He's polite enough, but doesn't give much away. He also has this way of catching you off guard. Not just in that he moves quiet enough that he can sneak up on just about anyone the Gods put on this planet, but also in a more... emotional way. Doesn't say much, and yet somehow it's just enough to get your guard down. He never pries, but I find he often doesn't have to to get more out of people than what they meant to say. It's intimidating, the way his stare feels like he's tearing out your darkest secrets, one by one. Yet, I've never found judgement in it. Even at my coldest, even at my most awkward, he does not judge me. There's something oddly comforting in that.

Kitan -

If I'm being honest, Silver really does look like a servant of a God of death. I mean, if she showed up in my hometown and walked past the temple, all of the priests would have rushed after her, begging for mercy or blessings! But she's nothing that scary, I promise. Just a really tired human trying her best to survive in the forest. Did you know she can cook? It's really good too. Even though I literally crashed into her door, she gave me lunch and made sure I was okay. Even introduced me to Reuven and agreed to come hunting with us, because I was too scared of him to go alone.... I wish I was as brave as her. And even half as skilled and talented as she is. She writes really nicely, can sew, weave, maintain a garden, do math fairly quickly in her head, make medicines, and fight. She's a new champion and she's already so strong, even though her God is weak. Silver's really cool. Like, everything I thought I'd be when I became a champion.

Reuven's kind of scary, if you don't know him. I mean, he's way taller than a lot of people, Silver and I almost look like kids next to him; wears that cloak and armor made of monster parts, and is armed to the teeth, rides around on a scary giant wolf, but he's really nice. He's kind of what I imagined adventurers to be like based on the stories. Tough, brave, really fast, and he doesn't hesitate to jump into danger if someone else is in trouble. He knows a lot about monsters and animals and forests in general. I think Silver knows him better, but I still like to think we're friends too. He doesn't talk a lot, but if you even need to vent or work through a problem, he'll sit with you and listen. Seems very curious about people and their lives and how they think. I hope that one day I'll be as good at this adventuring stuff as he is, though I'm not sure if I ever will.

Reuven -

I don't claim to know much about her, she's a rather private person, but Silver seems to be a very hurt woman to me. There's always hesitation when she starts interacting with people. Sometimes even when she's dealing with Kitan and I, you can still see a flicker of it: the distrust and the fear. She's not entirely honest, least of all with herself, but becomes a little more so over her strange herbal teas. Something about sharing food and drink seems to make her feel more safe, as does her cat, Thyme. Everyone seems to focus on the death-like features and the outward calm, and it scares them. It scares them to see a woman whose so unattached to the world around her, but there's more to her that they don't see. She says she's selfish, that her very best skill is saving her own skin, and she repeats those phrases like a prayer, but I believe that's a ruse she uses to try and bury her own feelings. She will, certainly, look after her own affairs first, but when push comes to shove, she's never abandoned us. Even when it would have been in her best interest. She's got a soft spot in her heart, whether she likes it or not, and it's still bleeding from wounds I can only imagine.

It took a little bit for Kitan to warm up to me. I scared him when I saved him from the monster. Apparently he believed I was a bandit after him. Silver finds it terribly amusing, though I still feel a bit bad. Having her around seems to have smoothed over the misunderstanding, though, and as he got used to me he started opening up. Unlike Silver, he's very talkative, loves to chat about anything and everything, except his past. He's earnest and loves to help people, whether it be with his healing magic or just running simple errands in the village for Balfric and Silver. He seeks the path of the adventure, though is poorly prepared for it. Yet, there's a sort of steel behind the fluff and sunny disposition. A determination I seldom see among those who fancy my path. I believe he can do it, if only someone shows him the proper way and some belief in him.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you have a lovely day/evening. ^^

#storyteller saturday #Forgotten Gods #Silver #Kitan #Reuven

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pretoriafics · 3 years

Text

Russian Roulette - Pt. 4

In this series, you will find: Alternative Universe, Soulmate plot, Angst, Fluff. In this chapter, you will find: Things finally make sense, and now you can fight. Word count: 2.069 Pairings: Reader x Platonic! Scott and Stiles Original characters of this chapter: Haytham, your brand new mentor. Warnings: English is not my main language <3 Yeah, it was based on Russian Roulette by Rihanna Russian Roulette series: Chapter Three | Chapter Five RUSSIAN ROULETTE MASTERLIST TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST

It wasn't hard to find the address the lady wrote you. That address took you to the limits of Beacon Hills, in a lonely and old church on the top of a hill. The wooden doors were open, so you came in.

"Hello? Mr. Haytham Conwell?"

You aren't seeing anybody. Actually, the church was pretty silent. Maybe you came to the wrong place...

"I've never seen you here."

You turn and see an old man, with an eyeglass on his face. He seems so confused as you.

"Oh, hi, good morning!" You give him a smile "I'm (Y/N). Do you know where I can find Mr. Haytham Conwell?"

"I am Haytham Conwell, lady. What do you need in the lord's house?"

Oh, you found him!

"Someone told me you can help me to find answers."

"What kind of answers?"

"A few friends of mine were hiding a secret, but now..." You let out a long sigh "I think this secret is worse than I thought. I mean, maybe you'll think I'm insane and-"

"Who sent you here?"

His expression became darker and, despite thinking about how an old priest could help you, you tell him the story about the ginger woman at the restaurant. Haytham's eyes become wider, scared.

"Show me your arms." He said, commanding.

You look at him, completely confused. What does he want to see in your arms?

"What?"

"Now!"

It was your turn to widen your eyes. You take off your jacket and show your empty arms for him. Haytham narrowed his eyes. To see your arms wasn't enough for him.

"Follow me." He ordered.

Without saying any word more, you'd followed him through the spiral stairs, going upstairs. He pulls an old key from his pocket and opened an old wooden door, revealing a huge library. Haytham points to a mirror that was close to a few tables.

"Go there, to the mirror. I need to see your back."

You blink your eyes repeatedly, without understanding why he needs all of this. Well, considering that a lot of things you don't understand have been happening, you had just obeyed him. You stopped in front of the mirror and Haytham stopped close to you, pulling your shirt a little up.

"Ha! I knew it the moment I saw you! The Devil's Mark!"

Your eyes go to the mirror.

"Oh my God. I haven't seen it before."

It was red lines through your spine, just like someone had slid nails on your skin. However, that lines were forming a quote. Haytham read it.

"Ad Lunae Lumina!"

You pull your shirt down, scared.

"What does it mean?"

"It means 'In the Moonlight', in Latin. Selene let a mark on you. More will be appearing with the time. Your mark is still being created. When it finishes, it will be like this."

Haytham pulls his shirt up and shows you his mark. However, his marks were different: Instead of red lines, he had black lines - just like a tattoo, with the same quote as you.

You sat on the chair close to you. What the hell?!

"What are all of this? I can't understand!"

He pulls his shirt down and sits in the chair in front of you.

"One step at the time, child. I think you should learn the basics first. The ginger woman was the only strange thing you saw?"

You denied with a shake of your head and begun to tell about the things that happened on the night of the party. He hit the table, making you jump in the chair.

"Werewolves!"

"I thought werewolves were just Hollywood things."

"No, they're not. Stay away from that friend of yours, stay away from Derek. They are Devil servants. I know it, I've been fighting against these creatures my entire life."

"But they saved my life!"

"They just want to kill you themselves! Never, ever, believe them. Come on, I'll show you something."

He got up from the chair and begun to walk between the bookshelves while you were following him. Haytham stopped in front of a huge bookshelf. He pulls a book, and both bookshelves open like a door. You'd never thought things like that would be in a church.

"Wow."

When the secret door was open, you saw an entire gun arsenal. Guns, grenades... Haytham has even swords! He looks at you.

"I'll give you a few books. You'll come here every day. I'll teach you to defend yourself and things you need to know about werewolves. Do you know how to shoot with a gun?"

"...No."

Haytham took a dagger and gave it to you. Then, he took a small gun.

"I gave you a silver dagger. Silver can harm them. This gun has silver bullets. Come on, I'll teach you to shoot."

"He's outside, and he wants to kill us!"

Scott wasn't sure about what else he could create to hide the fact that he, Lydia, Jackson, Allison, and Stiles were trapped in a school with a crazy Alpha. So, he lied and told that Derek was trying to kill all of them.

Desperate dominated the entire classroom they were trapped in.

"I'll call the police." Said Lydia, taking her phone.

"No!"

Stiles went in her direction, but Jackson held him. Suddenly, someone knocks on the door.

"Scott, I'd heard your voice. Open it! I'd received your message, what the hell is happening?"

Damn, it was you! Scott's heart almost stopped while he runs to the door to open for you. He pulls you inside of the room and closes the door.

"I- Hey! What are you doing?!"

"Keeping you safe!"

"Safe of what?"

"I didn't send you that message."

"...Oh. We're in trouble, aren't we?"

"Yeah."

"Fortunately, I'd brought my gun."

"Your- what?!"

You take the gun you earned from Haytham.

"My gun."

Stiles widened his eyes, while Allison let out a long sigh of relief.

"Thank god!"

Stiles comes close to you and Scott.

"Where did you got this gun? It's from Sebastian?"

"Maybe. Or maybe not." You gave them a smile "Who's trying to kill us?"

"Derek." You heard Jackson say.

You looked to Stiles and Scott. You have been visiting Haytham since last week, so you had learned a few things. You know, now, that there's some Alpha killing people in the city - the same who had tried to kill you. Considering that Scott and Stiles were there, and considering that you saw Derek's car outside, all you can conclude that was the Alpha was in the school.

"We thought that maybe we could get out of here through the ladder." You heard Allison say, pointing to the door close to you. Then, Lydia completed the info:

"But it's locked. We need the keys."

You cross your arms.

"Do you guys know where the keys are?"

"I know." You heard Scott say.

"Okay, here's the plan: You, you, you, and you," You said, pointing your finger to Stiles, Jackson, Lydia, and Allison "You stay here because we need to be discreet. Scott go take the keys and I'll cover him."

Allison got a step forward.

"No, he can't. It's too dangerous!"

Scott goes to Allison, trying to calm her down while Stiles goes talk to you.

"(Y/N) let Scott take the keys alone. You don't know what are you dealing with, you don't understand."

"Yeah Stiles, I know about what I'm dealing with. It isn't Derek."

Stiles looks at you, with his face becoming pale. Scott, with a completely terrified Allison in his arms, looks at you with the same amazement. That moment, they realized you found out the truth you were looking for. Then, you look for everyone.

"Someone should call the police. It will make him run."

Yeah, it could make sense. The Alpha wouldn't do anything with a lot of humans around. It could attract too much attention and too many hunters.

Lydia took her phone and begun to call someone. You opened the door and walk to the corridor, loading your gun with some bullets. Scott came and closes the door, and now you were completely alone with him.

"How did you found out about everything? It was from that day in the woods?" He asked, curious, while you were walking with him.

"Yeah, kind of. I met a guy who taught me a few things. He thinks you're a killer or something, but I disagree with him. You saved my life. I owe you one, puppy." You said, giving him a sweet smile. He smiles at you too. "Who's your Alpha?"

"It's complicated..."

"Oh. Got it. Where Are the keys?"

"I think it's here." Scott opens the door to the gymnasium and points his finger to the stands. "I'll take the keys. Wait here. Shout if you need something."

"If I need protection I'll shoot." You smiled at him. "Don't worry about me."

Scott goes to take the keys under the stands while you watch the environment around you, with your gun in your hands. A few seconds later, full of tension, you heard Scott.

"Found it!"

"Okay, come back, and let's get the hell outta here."

Suddenly, the stands began to close. Your heart almost stopped, while you look around, looking for something that could help Scott.

"Scott, hurry!!"

You saw Scott run in your direction, trying to escape being smashed by the stands. You gave him your hand and when he finally holds it, you pull him. Both of you fell on the floor, and the stands close.

"Damn!" You said, putting yourself on foot "You okay?"

"Yeah, you okay?"

"Yeah." You let out a long sigh "Let's go."

You and Scott began to walk in the classroom direction but, then, you saw the Alpha. It was on four paws, roaring for both of you. You took your gun up, ready to shoot, but Scott put his hand on your arm.

"Take the keys and go."

"No, I'll not leave you."

"You haven't a chance against him, you'll die!"

"But I have special bullets and some tricks."

"(Y/N), please, there's no time to be stubborn!"

The Alpha got a few steps forward and let out a roar. Scott fell on the floor, yelling in pain. He was in mutation. Damn. But you had an idea.

"Hey, moron!" You yelled in the Alpha's direction. You pull the trigger, shooting against it. He deflects of the shoot, stop roaring. Scott stopped to yell and seems like he's still under control. "This is for my lost high heels!"

You shoot again, and you hit it that time. The bullet got into the leg of the Alpha, and he let out a roar for you, in angry.

"Yeah, you know you're in trouble." You said, with your eyes narrowed. "Do you want more wolfsbane bullets? I have a lot of them to you."

Then, you shoot again, and surprisingly the Alpha back off. Scott stands up, with a heavy breath, and you shoot against the Alpha again. You shoot one, two, three times. It deflects again, letting out a low roar, looking at you. It was a warning, and you knew it.

"You know you have a problem bigger than Scott, don't you? That bullet will kill you."

Yeah, the Alpha knew about it. In a way to save itself from death, the Alpha turns itself and runs out of school. The battle has ended that day, but the war wasn't even close to being won.

"You okay, Scott?"

He was breathing heavily, but he nodded positively.

"Stay here." You said, unsure about how under control Scott was "I'll go to the classroom. Just try to stay calm. You can't lose control, okay?"

Scott nodded again, trying to stay calm. Then, you walked into the classroom's direction and opened the door. Everyone's was looking at you, scared. Allison was the first one to talk.

"Where's Scott?"

"He's fine but nervous. He needs some minutes to breathe. It's okay, guys. We can go now."

All of you heard the police coming. Relieved, everyone got out of the school quickly and terrified. While you were looking for the boys running out of school, again, you remembered the words of that ginger woman.

This truth will change your life forever, and your life will become a truly Russian roulette, girl.

Yeah, you felt a taste of it. But you know what? You kinda like this action.

#teen wolf imagine #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf fics #teen wolf fanfics #teen wolf fanfic #scott mccall x you #scott mccall imagine #scott mccall imagines #scott mccall x reader #scott mccall x y/n #derek hale imagine #derek hale imagines #derek hale x reader #derek hale fanfics #derek hale fanfic #derek hale x you #derek hale x y/n

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casmybelovedass · 4 years

Text

The Destiel Folder: Season 10

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6; Season 7; Season 8; Season 9]

Episode 1:

Cas is slowly dying, practically naked, in a bed, and the first thing he says when talking about Dean is "I miss him" (6:35), with a soft smile. "Why would he just disappear?"

... I'm sorry but If Cas Were A Woman, this would look like a scene from a movie or something, where the wife talks to a friend over the phone about her missing husband. JUST SAYING

Crowley: "The girl seemed nice. Slightly damaged. I could see the old you falling for that." (9:29) uhm... who else is "nice and slightly" damaged? I don't know... CASTIEL??!!!

So... these two men (actors Todd Mann and Brad Mann) we see with the DemonGang, are real life twins (9:14).

At (27:18), Crowley states him and Dean did "extroardinary things to triplets" ... and, well, the only twins with a possible other sibling we see are... them

And this is not the first time we hear about Dean doing "things to triplets" with a buddy of his (15x07)... and the first time he was NOT a demon... so, there's that. And triplets don't necessarily mean "all females"

Cas, while talking about the good things that come with choices, mentions "hope, love, dreams" (39:06), and Hannah points out that "those are human things". Human things...

Cas is talking about his own personal experiences with creating chaos, so those are the things he felt after rebelling for... Dean... WOW. ICWAW, it would totally be read it as a reference to Dean. A romantic one. Fight me

Episode 2:

Cas is dying, just got back from a fight that left him wounded, doesn't have enough power to heal himself, is on a mission to restore Heaven, and once again he chooses to go save Dean (9:35), and the way rage builds in his eyes when learning Dean has become a demon. Look at this shit

I might be crazy, but this feels like a touching metaphor to me:

"I think you don't know what you want. Tell me, Dean. What are you? A demon? [...] Maybe you're human. [...] Why don't you do us all a great, big favor... and pick a bloody side!" (22:22)

METAPHOR

Episode 3:

We are reminded that, even tho in terrible conditions, on the verge of death, Cas is willing to risk it all to save Dean, and is devastated by the thought of Dean not making it (4:47 - 5:17)

This is so funny to me, I'm sorry, but Cas is so visibly uncomfortable with Hannah touching him, it's hilarious (15:58)

"I've been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur. Emotions, feelings... They're dangerous temptations." (22:32) like rebelling against your own kind, destroying your home, falling... all for a human?

"I'm trying to keep our priorities clear." Moments earlier, Cas listed "Getting to Dean" (22:17) before anything else. In fact, Hannah says "I am very clear of my priorities... and yours." = Dean (23:00)

Cas is not sure whether the cure will kill Dean or not, and in any case, he wraps his arms around him, and softly says "It's over... Dean it's over." (35:40) as if hushing him to sleep, in what could have been their last moments together... wow. Think about this ICWAW

"Well, I can see his point. Only humans can feel real joy, but... also such profound pain. This is easier." (36:17) Look at the way Sam is looking at Cas looking at Dean

BITCH OKAY!!

SAM KNOWS

POSSIBILE future Empty reference "real joy"

Cas already stated he misses being human, but knows how fragile they are in both body and spirit:

Castiel really wants to be with Dean. For real. But maybe he thinks (see season 9) him being an angel is an obstacle to their feelings.

Only by being human he can truly be happy (MMMMMMHH SEASON 15), but isn't sure he could handle the pain that comes with it. A possible rejection, the thought of Dean dying, him leaving Dean... MMMMHHHHH

"You look terrible." [...] "Well, you, on the other hand, you... *checks out Cas* Looking good." (39:09) full homo right there. Also parallel with Ketch in 13x18 ("You don't look good." "Yeah, well, you're not my type, either.")

The way they are looking at each other here... man.

Cas is so happy to have Dean back, and Dean looks hurt about Cas leaving so soon.

"So... so, you're back?" "At least temporarily." (39:27) bitch, you know that's not what he ment.

In all of this, Cas is trying to make Dean feel better about the whole situation (DAT SMILE 40:18), and Dean replies with "I'm glad you're back, man.", basically no-homoing himself...

Cas starts walking out of the room, but stops and turns back [insert concerned husband here] (40:27), and Dean has that hopeful look in his eyes, like Cas is going to stay, and the hurtful look comes back as soon as Cas is gone

Episode 4:

"On your knees!" "Wow, I'm awfully flattered-" (34:33) SASSY BI DEAN IS THE DEAN WE DESERVE

Episode 5:

Fucking kill me NOW!!! Dean's reaction to Destiel is PRICELESS!! And even before he learns what that is, he just looks at the girls playing him and Cas and... freezes for a moment (13:18) And the eyebrow raise thingy at (13:34)... what's going on in your brain, Dean?

I'd like to point out that the Italian translation for "You can't spell 'subtext' without S-E-X" is, for once, AMAZING:

"It's just that... their bond is so strong it has subtext of a... sexual nature."

THANK YOU ITALIAN DUB! JUST THIS ONCE, THANK YOU! (13:43)

Also at (9:44) Dean immediately reacts to the implication of Wincest subtext, shutting it down and telling the girls to take a step back, but with Destiel he is like... alright

... this is so fucking cute, (25:54) Dean adjusts the girl playing Cas' tie so that it's messed up like the real Cas'. ADORABLE

SAM SHIPS IT (13:57) and is teasing the SHIT out of Dean, who reacts like someone being teased about their crush. Just saying (14:08 - 14:52) [AND THIS HAPPENS IN FRONT OF A PINK-BLUE WALL]

"I know I have expressed some differences of opinion regarding this version of Supernatural." (26:44) ... oookay meta? *turns to "Cas"* "And I want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can." ... oKAY?!

Episode 7:

Cas being extremely uncomfortable with women is too fucking funny to me (5:03 - 12:51)

Episode 9:

(15:13) Alright, so, this is a date... what now? Anyway, nice bi flannel, Dean. And the little sweet smiles you two are giving each other? So fucking precious (16:01)

"I ain't exactly a role model." "That's not true." (16:07) how Dean looks at Cas right after that? BABIES!

"How are you, Dean?" "Fine." "*I-call-bullshit look*" "I'm great!" "No, you're not." (16:18) #MARRIED

As Cas is choke-holding a guy, Dean, clearly amused (almost proudly), says "I'd do what he says." (22:17) Like that time with Raphael in 5x03, Dean likes it when Cas gets rough

Episode 10:

Shut the fuck up and marry each other already so you can finally actually BE the old married couple™️ you ALREADY ARE (22:17)

This is the "My husband is so FUCKING STUPID" look (22:30)

"I was hoping you might reach out to her." "... Me? I'm probably the last person she'd want to hear from." [...] "All I know... is she won't talk to me." (23:03) #MARRIED, PARENTS, PERIODT

Shut the fuck up. Cas is the dad trying to figure out technology (23:36) "I'll text you her number. I like texting. Emotions!" DAD

Cas worries about Dean like a wife would with an alcoholic husband

Of all the things Dean could be MAD about at Metateon... the first thing he can think of is him stealing Cas' grace (31:33) (okay, maybe he is going in chronological order but STILL)

Episode 11:

[I AM SO SO SO SORRY BUT DEAN USED THE ALIAS "PRESLEY" (18:55) I AM NOT OKAY]

Episode 14:

Have this deleted scene: Castiel and Crowley bitching over Dean, and Crowley calling Dean Cas' boyfriend

This is some hell of a goodbye-eye-love-making scene (26:57)

Cain compares himself to Dean... and CAS TO HIS WIFE COLLETTE [PARALLELS]

"You're living my life in reverse [...]

First you'd kill Crowley. You'd get it done, no remorse. (Cain had been killing his descendants, for whom he didn't care much)

And then you'd kill the angel, Castiel. Now, that one... that, I suspect, would hurt something awful. [And than Sam is Able, bla bla...]"

AM I WRONG?! YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG??!!!

Dean gives the First Blade to Cas... oKAY (37:10)

Worried brother-in-laws (41:27)

Episode 16:

This is such a good source of hidden meanings scene! Dean starts his "confession" as a scam. Everything he says at first is to attract the spirit.

He starts talking about seeing lots of women, not being able to control himself, and being sick of it. Then the real confession begins...

Dean feels he's going to die soon, and fears not death itself, but what he would be missing from his life.

"There's things... people, feelings that I... I would experience differently than I had before. Or even for the first time." (25:28) and the priest believes Dean is talking about love.

Well... "people, feelings"... who could he be referring to? Does Dean want love all of a sudden? People he wants to experience for the first time... uhmmmm... Is Dean opening up to his attraction to MEN??!! Or one angel in particular?

ICWAW we would guess Dean was talking about Cas

"Who mixes their blood and bones into paint? No woman has ever done that for me." (39:19) UHM- Dean, what about

6x20 "He has bled, died bla bla bla for us",

7x21 "I'm always happy to bleed for the Winchesters" or

9x22 "You just gave up an entire army for one guy"

ICWAW we would ALL roll our eyes at this statement and scream CAS

THE GUY BLED, LOST HIS HOME, REBELLED, DIED FOR YOU!! HE REBUILT YOU PIECE BY PIECE FROM HELL- SAVED YOU DOZENS OF TIMES!!!

Episode 17:

About saving Dean from the Mark: "We won't- (free Metatron)" "Yes, you will... because you're desperate." (9:44) Hannah knows. Let's remark that

"All I'm getting from you is... colours." (14:26) bitch he is a walking 🌈PRIDE FLAG🏳️‍🌈

Notice how, when we get a Sam-Cas centred episode, we don't get the same interactions with Dean-Cas? Why this?

Dean is always ready to call Cas a "brother", but the only one true bromance here is Sam and Cas'. There are no longing stares, no weird sexual filled dialogue nor tension, NO LONGING STARES

Facts, my people. Facts

Episode 18:

"You killed my friend." "Oh, pff, Dean is fine, mostly. Can't you get past that?" "Never." (12:39)

Charlie being excited about meeting Dean's famous boyfriend is WHOLESOME (37:34)

To have Cas back, 100%, safe and sound, is a win for Dean (38:58) and the face Cas makes after Dean hits him with another no-homo "It's good to have you back, pal." is "UHH not this again". Charlie already ships it

Episode 20:

A #MARRIED couple and their daughter. NO ARGUMENTS VALID (7:06)

Look at how they enter the motel (16:22)

OH MY GOOOOOD!!! #PARENTS coming back home from shopping!! THE HAND ON THE SHOULDER!!! Also

"Happy birthday. I got it at the Hot Topical" DAD

Dean: "Imma head back over there." Cas: "I'm coming with you." Claire: "I'm coming with you too." (17:24) #FAMILY

A fucking family comedy about a dad confronting the daughter's boyfriend and the other dad scolding him:

"What did you do to him?" "I didn't lay a hand on him!" "Dean, that isn't exactly true." "... Well, I didn't kill the guy." (17:14)

Surprisingly enough, this is not the first nor last time Dean acts like a dad to a lost child (AND TWO OF THESE TIMES THE KID IS SOMEHOW RELATED TO CAS) (21:54)

Episode 22:

C: "Claire, you are not going out there. [...] It's too dangerous. I can't let anything happen to you." D: "Claire, you're not going." C: "You're not either, Dean." D: "What?" (19:29)

#FAMILY DON'T TALK TO ME!

"No fighting. [...] Both of you." AAAAAA

This doesn't fucking matter, but Dean just said "... for the ladies. Or the fellas. I don't judge." (36:23)

Cas' speech to Dean... wow. "So if there's even a small chance that we can save you... I won't let you walk out of this room." (39:20)

I hate this scene. (40:11)

Dean is overwhelmed by Charlie's death, Sam and Cas' betrayal, the Mark changing him and all the other shit.

The Mark is taking over, and Dean can't (and won't) help it. Cas knows it. He doesn't want to hurt Dean. He is not even resisting. Doesn't put up a fight.

And just like Colette with Cain, Castiel only asks Dean one thing: "Stop." (40:38) [9x11]

Parallel to 8x07:

The only thing that stops Cas from killing Dean, is him begging, clutching onto his sleeve.

"Dean... please..." (41:08) Cas pleading Dean, clutching to his arm, makes him resist the urge to kill him.

Episode 23:

You can find gifs and the script of some deleted (destiel) scenes in this post by @charlie-minion

As the Mark eats Dean... he starts feeling guilt for the people he hurt... first on the list: Cas (14:54)

(This gif is not mine)

Well... what a season.

[Season 11>>]

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bondsmagii · 3 years

Note

In 4th or 5th grade, something strange happened to me that put me off any form of meditation or possibly opening my mind to the otherworldly. Probably 5th grade, since I was still living with the side effects when I transferred to a public school. Now my elementary school was Nursery to 8th. It was a private school - naturally we went to the church on the property every week to pray for a full learning period.

It happened during one of those moments when the priest asks for a moment of silence to pray and we all focus and pray. At that point I was a child who very much believed in following directions (especially since I'd get beaten up at home otherwise). So he said pray/moment of silence and I squeezed my little hands together, closed my eyes shut, and prayed wordlessly with all my might.

After a couple of seconds of praying, my head fell to my left shoulder all of a sudden, with my ear pressed against my shoulder for all it was worth. I felt this really overwhelming, strange, and powerful energy. It was TOO much. I snapped out of it in a second that felt like way too long, my face sweaty all of a sudden. I felt like I had a really forbidden interaction.

I became convinced the Catholic Church was a cult and by all means I would never pray as hard as I did that minute ever again. I proceeded to become ungovernable - spoke back to my teachers, never handed in my homework, much less my religion homework. I went from the best student in my class to a rebellious child. When I went to public school, in the first year I still used to walk around with my head slightly tilted toward my left shoulder out of habit or rememberance from that event. Kids would ask me why and I would simply say it was more comfortable like that.

Anyway when eat pray love came out and we were forced to read it for required summer reading or something in high school I found out this middle aged white hippie woman traveled to India to have this exact same religious experience I had as a 9 year old chinese girl at a roman catholic church in the middle of brooklyn that scared everything out of me. She gave me courage to talk about it with a friend. Still really weird. Her experience is in chapter 45 in that book, last paragraph.

I was never going to share this but I kept seeing the pinned every time I check your blog. Pls overlook typos as it is 4 am when I'm writing this.

that is so strange, wow. I've never actually heard of anything like this before and honestly that's kind of creepy but also I mean... as a lapsed heretical Catholic myself you weren't entirely wrong lol. this is definitely the kind of thing that would have got everyone believing you were possessed by a demon back in the day (and maybe also even in this day, if you get the right kind of fanatic).

honestly, I'd be inclined to say that maybe it was a result of something you's overheard in regards to the cult thing, combined with some weird vertigo or something like that (big buildings like churches tend to have that effect sometimes, if the one you were in was indeed big) but the fact that this has happened in a near identical fashion to someone else? that's pretty interesting. I wonder if there are other people out there with similar experiences? not to mention that's a very young age to have the Heretical Epiphany, so there might be something to it.

honestly, messages like this are why I keep that post pinned. this is the fascinating stuff you don't hear about otherwise.

#statements #long post #anon #asks

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prolifeproliberty · 4 years

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Hi, I love your blog! I'm Catholic and genuinely curious about which beliefs differ between Catholics and Lutherans. I think my grandpa was Lutheran at one point but he never really talked about it and I'd really like to know! I know inn general we believe a lot of the same things, but what are the differences? Stay safe and healthy!

Hi @soxrox12, sorry this answer took so long! I wanted to take the time to explain everything as clearly as possible and give you a thorough answer.

The basics of what Lutherans believe (what we teach to adolescents and those new to the faith in Confirmation) can be found in the Small Catechism. If you want a more in depth version and don’t mind some more academic language, you can read the Large Catechism. If you’re a total theology/history nerd and want to read about the back and forth arguments between the original Lutherans, the Catholic Church, and other Protestants, the rest of the Book of Concord has all that and more!

To really understand the differences, we have to go back to the origins of Lutheranism with Martin Luther in the early 16th century. Luther was a Catholic priest who, in his studies of scripture, saw major discrepancies between what the Catholic Church was teaching the common people (many of whom couldn’t read and very few of whom had access to the Bible outside of hearing scripture read at Mass) and what he saw in scripture.

The Catholic Church today is not the same as it was in the 16th century, but we still have some major differences. I apologize if I get some Catholic beliefs wrong here, I’m basing this on my understanding of Catholic teaching from my research and from talking to Catholic friends.

I’m putting this all below the cut so I don’t flood everyone’s dash with this extremely long post!

Christian Freedom: Luther had a big problem with the church requiring Christians to observe certain traditions and festivals as a matter of law or obligation. Unless something is specifically commanded in Scripture, it’s optional or a matter of Christian freedom (aka it might be a good idea, but you don’t have to do it). Examples include fasting for Lent (or in general), liturgical gestures (genuflecting, kneeling, making the Sign of the Cross), and so on. We also don’t have any Holy Days of Obligation - while we observe many of the same feast days and festivals as Catholics, we never say anyone is obligated to observe them.

Holy Communion: One thing Lutherans and Catholics have in common is that we both believe that Christ’s Body and Blood are truly and physically present and are truly and physically received by the communicant. Most other protestants see it as a symbol, or see Christ’s Body and Blood as spiritually, but not physically present. This was a big sore spot in the 16th century when Luther met with others who were questioning Catholic teaching. One story goes that he and other theologians were sitting around a table, and the others were arguing over whether Christ’s Body and Blood were truly present. Reportedly, Luther, frustrated by the back and forth, carved the words “This is My Body” into the table and covered it with a cloth. Every time someone (*cough* Zwingli) argued against the Real Presence, Luther whipped off the table cloth and pointed to the words. Jesus’ words on the issue were good enough for him.

We do, however, differ with Catholics on a couple of issues related to Communion.

1. We believe the bread and wine are also still present - we don’t believe that they changed into Body and Blood, but that the Body and Blood are united with the bread and wine. We call this “Sacramental Union.”

2. We don’t believe that Jesus’ sacrifice on the Cross is being repeated every time we celebrate Holy Communion. We also don’t see it as the priest offering Christ’s Body and Blood as a sacrifice. Instead, we see it as participating across time and space in the once-for-all atoning sacrifice that occurred on Good Friday almost 2,000 years ago. Rather than offering the Eucharist, we are receiving it from Christ for the forgiveness of our sins.

Sin, Baptism, and Confession:

I’m putting these all together because there’s a root difference in the way Lutherans and Catholics view sin that shows up in both Baptism and Confession.

Like Catholics, Lutherans believe in original sin - that is, we are conceived and born sinful and in need of a Savior - as well as actual sin (we have sinned against God “in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone”). However, we don’t distinguish between the two when it comes to how we receive forgiveness. We believe Baptism washes away ALL sin, and that in Confession and Absolution as well as in Holy Communion we receive forgiveness for ALL sin.

In Confession and Absolution, we confess all our sins, both those we know and those we don’t, and we receive absolution for all of them. We don’t do penance or have any other steps. Confession is:

Step 1: Confess sins

Step 2: Receive absolution from the pastor as from God Himself.

And that’s it! We do “corporate confession and absolution” (aka confession as part of the liturgy that the whole church says together - very similar to what Catholics have in the Mass) in any service where we have Holy Communion, but we don’t ever require private confession. It’s always available on request if someone is particularly bothered by a sin and needs to hear the pastor absolve that sin specifically, but it’s never mandatory (see “Christian Freedom”).

The Pope, Church Hierarchy, and Tradition:

Luther also had a big problem with the Pope and the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, as he saw lots of potential for and examples of abuse of power. He has some very harsh words about the Pope in his writings. Many Lutheran churches belong to a synod that has a president and some kind of structure, but we don’t view our Synod president the way Catholics view the Pope. A synod is more administration and support, with some ecclesiastical supervision (although that often doesn’t work out the way it should, which is why my church left our synod and we are now an independent Lutheran congregation).

We view Scripture as our highest authority and our Lutheran Confessions and other doctrinal writings as an explanation of what Scripture teachers. We do refer to the Church Fathers for clarification on some issues, but if something is not found clearly in Scripture we don’t take it as doctrinal.

Intercession and Prayer/Mary and the Saints:

We don’t ask for intercession from saints who are in heaven, or from Mary. We only pray to the Triune God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We learn from the lives of the saints, and we believe they are in heaven with Jesus, but we don’t seek their direct help here on earth.

We don’t pray the Rosary, mostly because it includes those prayers of intercession to Mary/the Saints. We do have several prayer liturgies like the Litany (which our church has been praying a LOT lately because it’s been historically used by the Church - including pre-Reformation - in times of hardship, plague, etc.).

We respect Mary as Jesus’ mother, but we don’t necessarily see her as our Mother or as Queen of Heaven or Co-Redemptrix the way Catholics do.

Essentially we say that our prayers should be directed directly to God and that the Holy Spirit is our mediator who makes intercession for us (Romans 8:26-27).

Monastic Orders and Priests:

We don’t have monks or nuns or any of the monastic orders. Those who wish to go into full-time church work can be Deacons or Deaconesses, and the responsibilities of those roles vary from church to church. Typically they teach (Sunday School, sometimes Bible Study or Confirmation) or are in charge of the charitable work the church does (food pantries, etc).

Our pastors typically go to four years of seminary - 2 years of classes, one year of vicarage in a congregation (like an apprenticeship, working under an experienced pastor), followed by another year of classes before ordination. Then the pastor receives a Call from a congregation, decides whether to accept or decline that Call, and, if he accepts, stays with that congregation until he receives and accepts a Call somewhere else, retires, or (very rarely) for some reason the congregation asks him to leave (usually only if he’s doing something really wrong and is unrepentant).

Our pastors are also free and even encouraged to get married and have children. My pastor has five children and I’ve lost count of how many grandchildren.

-- -- --

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the differences, but these are the key areas that come up most often when I talk to my Catholic friends. I’d be happy to discuss any of these areas in more detail or point you to specific things in our doctrinal books that address them.

Just for fun, here’s some similarities:

Liturgy:

Our liturgy is VERY similar to the Catholic Church’s liturgy. We have “Divine Service” instead of “Mass”, although you can find some very “high church” Lutheran congregations that do use the term Mass and call their pastors “priests” and “Father.”

We also have Matins, Vespers, and other services with very similar liturgies to what the Catholic Church uses.

Here’s an excellent example of an Easter service (and here’s the bulletin if you wanted to follow along) from a high-church Confessional Lutheran congregation in Virginia that I attended when I was an intern in D.C. This was their live stream for this Easter, so due to the small attendance they didn’t do Communion, but otherwise you can see generally what our services are like.

#theology #lutheran #catholic #liturgy #divine service #holy communion #baptism #confession and absolution #book of concord #prayer #faith #religion #christianity #confessional lutheran #confessional lutheranism

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