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ohmygoodnessgraciouss · 3 years

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could I request a story where Loki and the reader are both magic time variants captured by the TVA, and they become closer and plot to escape together, but even though the reader wants to help him they're afraid of getting too close or opening up about their past because in the past they had been really hurt by the alternate Loki in their timeline? I'm sorry that's very long, you don't have to write it if you don't want to I just love your work so much and Reality Check is so perfect :')

I'm sorry this took forever! Honestly, I should've just made this a whole miniseries to really flesh it out, but with MOM I wasn't sure if I wanted to dedicate all my time for that. Hope this is alright! <3

You watched the man before you smirk once he recognized who you were. "Y/N L/N, I never expected you to wind up here," He commented, scanning you. You scoffed, turning your head away to look at Mobius.

"You expect me to work with him?" You asked, pointing lazily. Mobius nodded.

"You two are the best of the best. He never seems to die and you have the ability to control him. Not many can say they can do that," He responded.

"I don't want to work with him," You replied, sharply.

"And why is that? I want a better explanation than he hurt your feelings a while ago," Mobius said. You rolled your eyes, knowing Loki must have grinned at his statement.

"No hard feelings, promise! I'm not the same Loki you knew after all," Loki said.

"No, but the sacred timeline forces it to be exactly the same. I know you haven't done it yet, but you will. Eventually. If you ever decide to stop being a little shit and go back to your timeline." You walked closer to Loki, trying to seem intimidating.

"Ouch," Loki winced, stepping forward, "I see Midgard taught you some vulgar language."

"Seemed only appropriate for a man who killed 80 people in a matter of two days," You suddenly realized how close you were to him, eyes widening as you backed off. Loki rose an eyebrow at this.

Mobius chuckled. "This is going to be interesting."

"I need you two to go to a small town in Oklahoma from a few hundred years ago to inspect something," Mobius said, pulling up a file on the desk in front of you. You sat next to Loki (Though it was not willingly) and waited impatiently to hear more about the mission.

"Oklahoma?" Loki questioned.

"It's on Midgard. It's a lot of farmland. Prone to tornadoes." You briefly stated.

"Seems like you know the place quite well."

"I lived there for a while. Until the TVA decided that I messed up something in their precious timeline. I mean, really. Do you guys think another war would happen when most people don't even know this place exists?!"

Mobius chuckled. "See, that's why I like you. You're realistic. But, unfortunately, rules are rules, and the timekeepers aren't ones for breaking tradition."

You shook your head in response, leaning back in the chair. Loki leaned forward towards the desk to get a better look at the file. It had several reports scattered across it, all describing the deaths of several minutemen from the T.V.A. "What happened?" He asked.

"Someone supposedly time traveled to the 1800s and broke the timeline. When our minutemen arrived at the scene, they set fire to the surrounding grasses and burned them all to crisps. We suspect the variant is another timeline's you, Loki." Mobius explained, showing several photos of the scene.

Your eyes widened. "Another timeline of him is running rampant and you imbeciles can't catch them?" You asked.

Mobius shook his head. "Loki is hard to catch. This one," He pointed to the man before him, "Not so much. The other one? Different story."

"And you expect us to just find Loki and bring them back?" You asked, leaning your head against your hand.

"It's either that or being reset by the woman who wants your heads on a silver platter."

Both you and Loki looked at each other for a brief moment, nodding slightly. Looking back at Mobius, you spoke at the same time.

"We'll do it."

You arrived in Oklahoma with Loki, taking a look at the burned farmland around you. Several bodies laid around the area, their weapons scattered. "God, these men didn't stand a chance," You said, crouching down to take a closer look.

"And neither do we if we can't find a trace of myself," Loki replied. He used his magic to trace where the fire started. "Over there," He pointed.

You looked over, seeing nothing special. "Looks just like everywhere else," You said.

"No, it's an illusion. I must have cast an illusion to make sure only those with magic would be able to find it. Or, well, another me did it. Why would he have done that though?" Loki asked, contemplating it for a moment. You walked up to him, showing him the collar and remote you had stolen from the agency only moments before arriving in Oklahoma.

"If anything goes wrong when we see them, I've got backup."

Loki grinned. "You're always so dependable. That's why I love you." You knew it was a weak attempt to make you soft. You shook your head, walking away from him.

"Not the same Y/N you know."

"The Sacred Timeline makes you the same."

"The same to an extent, but for me you're in the past. A lot changes in the upcoming years." You mentioned.

"Oh come now, old feelings can't die that easily, can they?"

"No, but you sure can."

You made your way to the Loki pointed to. The spot seemed to be as burnt up as the rest until Loki unveiled the illusion. It didn't take much of his magic to lift it, probably because the universe recognized it as the same signature. When it was revealed, the area hadn't been burned by the fire at all. The grasses were tall, reaching up to your shoulders at times. One spot was completely flattened though, with a singular note on the ground.

You picked it up, unfolding the paper carefully. Loki stood directly behind you, looking over your shoulder. "What does it say?" He asked.

"Meet me where we once called home," You read it out loud. The note crumpled as you tightened your hold on it.

"What does that mean? Once called home?"

"It means this Loki is in fact my Loki."

"Please tell me I don't have any hard feelings that you clearly harbor for me."

"That depends on whether or not you forgive me for the incident."

Loki quirked an eyebrow at this. You shook your head. "Not here. Let's find a place to stay. I know where home is. We're not far from it."

"Then shouldn't we go there first?" He asked, placing a hand on your shoulder to ensure you didn't walk away. You shook your head.

"No, I can't go there yet. There's a lot to explain before you see Loki."

You found an inn close by and decided to rest there. Because it was the 1800s you had to be careful about what you did. In a different century they wouldn't have minded you being in a TVA shirt and jeans. Now, they would.

Luckily for you, Loki was able to cast an illusion so that only you two knew what you were wearing. He even had to cast an illusion on himself to blend in more. He used fake currency to buy the room, which was about as small and cramped as you expected.

With only candles to light the room, it would've been considered quaint and cozy by most. A single bed with comforters, a drawer and chest, and a small desk. It was all you needed for your journey after all.

You sat down at the desk as Loki sat on the bed, feeling the comforter. "Softer than I expected," He commented.

"You lived through the 19th century, you should know it wasn't as bad as history books make it out to be."

He nodded in response, relaxing slightly. "Well? You said you would explain it to me. I should know what's going on before we go face off against myself."

You sighed, fiddling with a pen you had found in your shirt pocket. "Time travel isn't as uncommon as people may think. You and I both know that."

"Of course. You've time traveled a few times yourself."

"Exactly. Well, in my timeline, after the events in New York in 2012, you went to prison in Asgard and were eventually freed during the Dark Elves attack."

"I know what happens there," He said, sharply. You knew he must've known what happened to his mother.

You looked down at your hand, placing the pen down on the desk. "Well, you know what happens in the Sacred Timeline. Remember, you're a variant in this timeline too. In this timeline, you ended up going back to the 1800s, to this time."

"Why would I do that?" He tilted his head.

"To see me."

"What were you doing in this time?"

"I was running. I got into some nasty trouble with not only the Avengers but the federal government as well. It was just easier to go back to a time where I wouldn't have to worry about it. Plus, I didn't know what I was doing, so I wanted to hang out in a place where I knew I would never run into myself. I didn't account for you finding out." You sighed, fiddling with your fingers.

"And what happens after that? We were just fine before I... Well," He hesitated, "Tried to take over Asgard and then Midgard," He said, sheepishly.

A soft smile graced your lips as you thought about what had happened next. "We shared a life together. We were married, secretly of course, but we were happy. We moved into an old farmhouse around here and decided we would start a family here. It was in the middle of nowhere. No one was going to find us after all. We could be happy here."

"What changed?" He asked, leaning in. He couldn't understand where it would've gone wrong.

"The T.V.A," A scowl corrupted your smile as you looked up at him for the first time in minutes. "We were variants. What happened between us should never have happened."

Loki shook his head. "I can't believe that's what divided us. What did they do?"

"You gave me a chance to escape. You kept them off me and I ran off. See, I ran off and you went into the T.V.A to be charged for your crimes. They were going to prune you. Unless you told them where I was," You scoffed.

"Did I?"

"You did. Because no matter what you would always do everything in your power to save your own skin. Even if it meant ratting me out when I was protecting the child we had just taken in." Your tone quickly turned to ice at the thought.

Loki stayed quiet at the revelation. He didn't know what to say. "What happened next?" He asked quietly.

You shrugged. "I went in, you got out. You were reset. I don't know how you became a variant again. I guess they couldn't wipe your memory if you were able to remember our home."

"I don't understand. I don't understand how I could do that," He said as he stood up from the bed, pacing the room.

"The version of you in this timeline is different. He changed after escaping. I just hadn't realized it until it was too late."

Loki stopped in his tracks suddenly, staring you dead in the eyes. "Is that why you're with the T.V.A? To get revenge?"

You nodded. "The T.V.A, while I despise them, are my one way of getting to him. I want to make sure the agency brings him in once and for all. I'll prune him myself if I have to. And then I'm out of there. I have a plan to escape."

"And what will you do after that?"

You looked out at the window, "Find my little girl, I suppose. Make sure she's okay."

"Then perhaps you would like a partner to join you," He grinned.

"No."

Making your way to the farmhouse, Loki decided to stay back a little. The plan was for you to make sure Loki was in a vulnerable state, giving you just enough time to alert the T.V.A. Then, your partner Loki could capture the criminal Loki using the collar and remote you brought. It wasn't much of a plan, but it was enough for you to feel comfortable facing off against him.

Loki stayed outside, watching from a patch of wildflowers that sat outside the house. They were your favorites.

The house was cold and creaking from weight and pressure it hadn't felt in years. It looked abandoned. No one must have moved in after you did. The sight sent shivers down your spine. All seemed quiet except for a single door opening across from you. There stood the man that ruined your life - Your version of him.

"Hello, darling," He greeted you, a small sheepish smile plastered on his face.

"Loki."

"I know these are probably not the circumstances you would've wanted for this-"

"Not the circumstances?" You interrupted harshly. "I never wanted this situation to ever happen. You're lucky I haven't tried to shoot you in the face with a magnum."

Loki raised his hands up in mock surrender. "What I had done was uncalled for."

"Uncalled for?! You exposed me which put our family in harm's way! I have no idea where Rose is! None!"

His expression softened at the mention of Rose. You knew it struck a chord in his heart. It had to. Rose was adopted just like he was. All he wanted was to be a better father to her than his own was. If he were a better person you may have cared about hitting a sensitive spot like this.

"That's unfair. I had no idea she would possibly be reset by them," He said.

"Oh come on! What else did you think would have happened?! They were after us and so they were after her too." You moved your finger slightly to the communicator in your jacket pocket, signaling for the T.V.A to arrive and for Loki to step in.

"I never meant for her to get hurt," He said, his voice shaking slightly.

"No, but you meant for me to get hurt."

"I never wanted either of you to get hurt. It's just that-"

"Just what?" You grit your teeth.

"I was scared. You know how I am. I'm a coward!"

"That's no excuse for what you've done," You glanced up, seeing your partner sneak up behind the man. He wrapped the collar around him and quickly backed away, holding the remote up.

"What are you doing?!" Variant Loki exclaimed.

"Getting justice. Revenge. Everything I've wanted for years from you," You glared at him. The other Loki smirked, proud of you for what you had done.

The minutemen from the T.V.A quickly stepped in, arresting Variant Loki as soon as possible. Mobius followed them, looking the man up and down. "So you're the one who's caused all this trouble. And all because of a girl you crumbled. Gotta admit, it's not a good look for you," He said. You nearly laughed. "Take him away."

The minutemen began to drag Variant Loki through the portals, though he didn't go through without one last word to you, "Y/N! I will get out of this!"

You scoffed. "Sure you will."

Mobius decided to allow you and Loki to stay behind, giving you a moment to examine the home around you. He trusted you two enough to have a few minutes of peace alone. "So what's the plan, love?" Loki asked.

"Mobius has given us this much. If we gain his trust for a little while longer then we'll be able to have far more time and perhaps even a way to travel through the multiverse on our own. I hate to say it, but I'll stick with the T.V.A a little while longer. The endgame is long-term here."

Loki nodded thoughtfully. "It's smart. But I'm smarter," He held his hand up, revealing one of the portal remotes in his hand. Your eyes widened.

"How did you get that?!"

"I stole it from one of the men as they went through. I'm sure they won't miss this, but if they find out we have this when we go back it won't be pretty," He said, walking up to you, grinning.

You stifled a laugh as you looked down at the remote in his hands. You shook your head looking back up at him. "You're insane."

"Perhaps I am," His grin widened, "But I know you want this as much as I do. So, what do you say?"

He held his empty hand out to you, waiting for your response. Instead of giving it a moment's hesitation, you held out your own, taking his.

And with that, you never looked back.

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #thor #loki series #2021 #marvel #mcu #disney+#disney plus #tva #agent mobius #fanfic #fanfiction #romance #fluff #angst sorta?

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mostlydysfunction · 3 years

Text

From The Stars, Part 9

Summary: Kira moved out of town for isolation and peace and quiet. But that quickly gets turned on its head when a spaceship crash lands not far from her house and a strange creature decides she's its new queen. Luck had never been on Kira's side, but things are going to get a lot worse for her as she's forced into this new role and everything her new alien subject thinks it entails.

Warnings: Lying, shady parents, some hinted at violence at the end.

Authors Note: Again, this has been up on my Ao3 since like February. Link is in my masterlist if you prefer to follow there and get updates sooner. There’s going to be only a couple more parts to this one however, so might not even matter.

MASTERLIST

Kira watches the SUV roll down the hill and into the lake. It’s cloudy, the moon and stars covered, bathing the trees in darkness. Kira’s only light is from the flashlight in her hand, aimed at the SUV currently sinking in the lake. She won’t move until it’s gone under completely, not wanting anyone to see what’s happening.

Two months ago if you had told her she would be standing in the woods in the middle of the night sinking a federal agent’s SUV in the lake to cover up their murder by her alien babies, she would have thought you were insane. But now she felt nothing. Her babies needed to eat and it was just unfortunate that the Feds happened to be the first to show up.

Kira waits until the bubbles have stopped before turning, making her way up the hill and back to the road. It’s a bit of a hike back to her house, the air cold enough she can see her breath fog in front of her. Her mind goes to her children and if they’re warm enough in the barn. Her alien hadn’t shown any signs of minding the cold, but her children were obviously different than him, and she can’t help but wonder if they can tell the temperature difference.

She feels a sense of urgency as she gets closer to her house, hating being apart from her family. They were her family now. Her children, their father. She doesn’t understand the relationship between them, she doesn’t even know if it’s biologically possible for her to love an alien. Humans could feel emotions towards animals, inanimate objects. Emotions including love. Who’s to say it’s not possible to feel the same for an alien lifeform she has no communication with who had forcibly impregnated her with his eggs. Maybe it’s only the oxytocin talking, the immediate motherly instinct she had felt over her babies that was drawing her closer to her alien. Or maybe it was because around him, she felt safe.

Kira opens the door to her barn when she returns to her property, quickly closing it behind her as her babies run up to her. They’re hip-height now, growing faster than she thought possible. All eight of them surround her, bumping her gently with their heads. She smiles down at them, patting them each on their smooth heads. They let out content little cries, warming Kira’s heart. Her alien approaches her, nudging her gently with his own head. She gently strokes its elongated head, leaning against him.

Her eyes drift closed, her brain buzzing with energy. She focuses on it more and finds she can see with her eyes closed. The barn looks distorted like she’s seeing out of a fish-eye lens. The colors are darker, not quite as vibrant with her own eyes, but she can hear every small sound wave bouncing off the walls. She can hear something speaking, not words but a sort of idea in her mind. She can feel her eight babies around her, all of them like strings connected to her mind.

She wants to lose herself in the sensations, bury herself in them, and never come out, but her phone vibrating in her pocket snaps her out of it. She pulls away from her alien, her brain reeling for a moment before she centers herself back on Earth.

“I have to take this. I’ll be back.” She says, backing away from her babies and her alien.

She leaves them in the barn, heading back towards her house. She looks at her phone. She doesn’t want to answer, but she knows she has to.

“Hello?”

“Kira? God, I thought something had happened to you! I was going to come and check on you but...you sounded so sick when we talked last and then you weren’t answering.”

Kira feels a pang of guilt in her chest. “I’m sorry, dad. I was on some heavy meds. It was some kind of viral thing. Wiped me out for a few days. I didn’t even think to look at my phone. I’m doing better now though.”

“That’s good. That’s...really good.”

“Do you want to come over? Catch up a little?”

“Yes. That would be great.”

*********

Kira sets the cups of coffee on the kitchen table before taking a seat. Her dad looks old. Older than the last time she saw him. He’s had something on his mind. She can tell by how messy his hair looks. He would always run his fingers through his hair repeatedly when he was thinking hard. Her mother used to joke he’d go bald from doing it one day. Now that she looked at him, Kira can see his hair is thinning. There are dark circles under his eyes and he looks about as bad as she does, but she doesn't think he birthed alien eggs days ago.

“Kira...I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. About you. About this place.”

Kira sips her coffee. It’s scalding but she can’t bring herself to care. She hums in response, letting him continue.

He runs his finger in a circle around the rim of the cup. It’s an old habit. It means bad news. “You’re all alone out here. I shouldn’t have left you out here by yourself. But...your mother...I just couldn’t...”

Kira reaches out, putting a hand over his. It feels strange to her, to touch human skin again. She almost doesn’t like it. “It’s okay. I know.”

Her dad stares into her eyes for a moment, taking her in. “There’s so much she wanted to tell you. She begged me to tell you, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t face the truth. I didn’t know how to tell you. I wasn’t sure you’d believe me.”

Kira frowns, her stomach churning. She doesn't like his words. “Dad...what are you talking about?”

He sighs, taking a long drink of his coffee, staring out the back door. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Right out there. Where the roses are. It used to be hydrangeas before...before you arrived.” He runs a hand over his face. “God, I should have told you this years ago Kira...”

“Dad...you’re scaring me.” Kira’s hands are shaking as she sets her coffee cup down.

Her dad turns back to look at her, holding her gaze. “You’re not ours.”

Kira’s body goes cold at his words, a strange feeling running through her. Her whole life she’d been told they were her parents. This was her dad sitting across from her. And now...

“W-What?” She pulls her hands into her lap, squeezing them into fists to stop them from shaking.

“We don’t know where you came from. Well...we sort of knew...” Her dad glances back out at the garden before looking at her again. “Kira...you fell from the sky.”

Kira can’t say anything. None of it was making sense. Her brain was buzzing, churning, his words seeming like a foreign language. Thankfully he doesn’t wait for her to respond.

“It happened almost twenty years ago. It was almost dark. Your mother was outside planting tulips on the other side of the garden. I was making dinner. Grilling, like I used to. Everything was quiet like it gets out here, but then...the sky exploded. Blew the windows out, it was so loud. Came down in a ball of fire right into your mother’s hydrangeas. I thought it was the end of the world for a moment, but then...your mother was always so quick to act. Put the fire out with the garden hose. I thought it was some kind of meteor, but once the flames died, I could see what it was. It was...some sort of space pod. We tried and tried to get it open, see inside. Eventually, we managed to pry it open and inside...You couldn’t have been more than four years old. Teary-eyed and sucking your thumb. You looked so human.”

He runs a hand down his face. Kira can see the tears in his eyes.

“The feds were on us almost immediately. I wanted to turn you over to them, but your mother refused. She knew what would happen to you if we did. So we hid you. Made up some bullshit story. The feds didn’t believe us, but we were insistent.”

Kira’s mind begins to work at high speed. The visits from the feds suddenly didn’t seem so strange anymore.

“You were so human in every way. Almost every way. You never got sick. Kids always got sick but you never did. You could bend metal with your bare hands and you could hear things miles away. Your mother taught you to control it. She was better at that than I was. I made it my job to make you feel as normal as possible. She dealt with all the...strangeness. That’s why when you told me you were sick...I knew something had to be wrong. Something was going on. You’ve never been sick before.”

Kira clenches her fists tighter, taking in her father’s words. She had arrived on Earth in a spaceship? She supposedly had superpowers? He was right in one thing...she had never been sick before. She just thought it was a good immune system. But apparently, it was something else. Something more.

“Kira...please say something.”

“I don’t...” Kira bites her lip, breathing deeply. “You expect me to believe that? That I fell out of the sky in a spaceship and...I’m supposed to be what, Superman?”

“No, it’s...” Her dad sighs, looking down at his coffee. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me. I wanted your mother to tell you from the beginning but...she thought it would be best...if you thought you were normal...”

Kira stands from the table, unable to sit anymore. “Bullshit. I call bullshit.” She makes her way to the back door, looking out at the roses. The place she supposedly crash-landed on Earth. “You had an affair, didn’t you? I was never my mother’s child and you couldn’t live with that so you made up some bullshit story to hide it! That’s why you couldn’t stay!”

“Kira, you know I would never have...”

“I don’t know anything anymore.” She clenches her fists again, glaring at him. “I don’t know what’s more unbelievable. The story that might be true or that you would spew some bullshit to try and hide something else you did to fuck up.”

“Kira, I loved your mother!” Her father stands from the table, knocking over the chair. “I loved her more than anything. But we couldn’t...” He takes a deep breath. “We tried. We tried so many times. She wanted so badly...but we couldn’t. Then you fell out of the sky like an answer to our prayers.”

Kira feels tears prick behind her eyes. The story is starting to sound not so fake the more she thinks about it. She had an alien hiding in her barn with her babies she had birthed after mating with him. An alien that had crashed to Earth and found her and chosen her. If she was also an alien...it would make her new reality not quite so strange anymore.

“Kira...I’m sorry...”

“I want you to leave.” She says, her voice shaking. She hates it. She turns back to face her dad. “Get out. Go home. Don’t come back here.”

Her father stares at her brokenly for a moment before grabbing his coat and heading towards the door. Kira stays where she is until she hears his car door shut before heading out to the barn. She’s shaking by the time she reaches the door, slipping inside quickly and closing the door.

She takes a few steps into the darkness before dropping to her knees, tears falling down her cheeks. She’s overwhelmed, not knowing what to believe or even what to think. If the story was true, then so much of what had happened made perfect sense. But if her dad was lying to her to cover up something else...either way he had lied to her. He had hidden the truth about her for her entire life. She feels anger bubble up inside her.

Her children are by her side in seconds, snuggling up to her. She reaches out to them, touching them, solidifying herself in reality. She should have died. She had carried eight eggs to term and birthed them. She had lost so much blood...too much blood. But here she was, mostly healthy with no medical help. She had never been sick a day in her life. She had managed to tame an alien simply with her presence. She had seen what he was capable of. He could have killed her instantly that night, but something about her had stopped him.

Maybe she was alien.

Kira is on her feet as soon as the barn door slides open. It hits the other side with a slam, the shadow of her father standing in the doorway. Her heart leaps to her throat, the buzzing of her babies loud in her ears.

“Kira...what the hell?”

“Dad...you should have just gone home.”

#xenomorph #alien #xenomorph x human #xenomorph x oc #from the stars

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annetteblog · 3 years

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Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone.

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??”

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance.

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly.

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

/as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet.

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed.

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience.

P.S. And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian. i like it better and what will u do haha

#jikook #kookmin #what am i even doing here #i'm gonna regret this #long post

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the-winter-smoulder · 3 years

Text

What The Hell...

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Series Word Count: 1,337

Warnings: Language! Mentions of Death, Panic Attack, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Angsty Goodness

Seriously... What the HELL?!

Since the defeat of Thanos, nothing has really been the same, especially not for Sam and Bucky.

Read Chapter 7 Here

Chapter 8: What The Hell Are You Eating?

Sam called everyone into the conference room. He took a deep breath and put on his “Captain” voice.

“So, we’ve all met Y/n here, and we all know why she came here. She’s part of the team now. She’s an Avenger just like the rest of us. All we need to do now is see what skills she has. So, Y/n, once you’re up to it, I’d like to have you train with Bucky so we know your strengths, and where you might need to improve a little. Does that sound okay?”

“Uh, Sam? Maybe me working with her... I mean... no offense... but do you think that’s the best idea?” Bucky asked, keenly aware that he sounded like a total jackass.

“Bucky,” Y/n started, “It’s okay. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but honestly, you’re the best candidate. You’re the only other super soldier, and it would be terribly bad form for me to kick the boss’ ass on my first day.”

Clint snorted, Wanda giggled, and Bucky’s jaw dropped.

“Maybe I can help with weapons,” Clint said, still laughing, “Bucky can focus on the hand-to-hand stuff, I can work with you on weapons, Wanda can...”

“I can help you work through your feelings and relax after everything you’ve been through,” she smiled, squeezing Y/n’s shoulder.

“That would be amazing, thank you.”

“So that’s our plan,” Sam said, definitively. “We’ll work together, as a team... as a Family.”

Y/n smiled at the notion. She looked around the room at her new family.

“Awesome. Thank you all so much,” she said, “Now, can we please get some damn food? I’m freaking starving!”

-----💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀-----

“Ugh!” y/n yelled, looking at Sam, “what the hell are you eating?!”

“Pineapple and olives – sweet and salty!”

“That is absofuckinlutely the most disgusting thing I have ever heard,” Y/n said, scrunching her nose and leaning away from him.

“See, I told you that’s not normal!” Bucky laughed, pointing at Sam.

“Yeah, yeah... but it’s so good! C’mon! Give it a taste!”

“I can’t - allergic to pineapple, and olives are the devil,” Y/n stated, “I’ll try anything once, but not if I know it’ll surely kill me.”

“How can you be allergic to pineapple?” Clint asked, “Aren’t you a super soldier?”

“Well, technically, no. I mean, I have the speed, strength, stealth and hearing, but I'm sure it’s more like getting a watered-down version of the serum. I highly doubt I’m as strong as Bucky is, but I still maintain that I could kick Sam’s ass without breaking a sweat.”

“Keep it up, Y/n... I’ll be watching you two fight. I’ll have my countermeasures ready.”

Bucky leaned over to grab another breadstick and whispered to her, “Pretty sure you’d still kick his ass.”

Y/n blushed, taking a bite of her lasagna to try to mask the flush of her cheeks. He was so close, and it made her heart skip a beat.

“So, y/n, tell us more about yourself. What kind of movies do you like? What kind of music do you listen to?” Wanda asked with a twinkle in her eye.

“Well, I really like stupid comedies, but I also love a good scare. I'll watch pretty much anything – sci-fi, horror, animated. As for music... that’s eclectic too. I'm definitely more of a rock chick, but I also love EDM, and the old dance hall music from the 40’s and 50’s. I love Ella Fitzgerald.”

“That you got from Steve, didn’t you?” Bucky asked.

“Definitely. He used to dance with me to ‘Someone to Watch Over Me’ all the time... it was kind of our song. And I got him to listen to some newer bands. As long as it sounded like a love song, he’d give it a decent chance. He liked U2 and Coldplay.”

“Really?” Clint asked.

Everyone was looking at Y/n now.

“Yeah! I tried getting him to listen to Rammstein once, but that was a no-go. He absolutely did not like that one bit. But Ozzy Osbourne he could deal with in small doses.”

“What was he like?” Sam blurted out, eyes widening at his own question, quickly wishing he could take it back.

“Well, he was... kind. Gentle. Encouraging. He was probably the best father and grandfather anyone could ask for. He helped me hone my skills, probably out of guilt for passing it along to me, but also because he wanted me to be able to stand up for myself and for others who couldn’t do the same. He was... amazing.

“Grandma was the one who taught me to shoot though. And she taught me how to get whatever I wanted from my dad. She wanted him wrapped around my finger... and he was,” Y/n laughed, “It was her little experiment, I guess.”

“Y/n... do you... want another beer?” Bruce asked.

“Ha! No, thanks Bruce. I’m good. Actually, I think I'm going to head to bed. I'm full and it’s been a long day.”

“Do you remember the way?” Bucky asked, helping Y/n to her feet.

“Um, maybe?”

Bucky smiled, “I’ll walk you back... I'm getting tired too.”

“Thanks. Goodnight, everyone! Gotta get some rest so I can show off my super skills tomorrow.”

Bucky gently laid a hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the hallway. Quickly realizing what an intimate gesture that was, he moved his hand down to his side so he wouldn’t make Y/n feel uncomfortable.

A few turns down a few hallways later, and they were standing in front of Y/n’s door. She turned toward Bucky with a sleepy grin.

“Thanks for walking me back. I had a lot of fun tonight. I feel a little more at home here.”

“I’m glad, Y/n. Please, let me know if you need anything. I’m just a room away. And, I’ll pick you up in the morning so we can go to the training room together,” Bucky said with a smile, “8 am, since it’s your first day.”

“Awesome! But if I wake up earlier, I’ll find you, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan. Good night, Y/n.”

“Good night, Bucky.”

-----💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀-----

Bucky’s eyes snapped open. That’s when he heard the muffled screams coming from beyond the wall.

Bolting upright and ripping the blankets off of him, he ran into the hall and burst into Y/n’s room. Seeing her writhing on the bed, screaming Jimmy’s name had him shaken, but he quickly grabbed Y/n and pulled her into his bare chest, gripping her tightly with his left arm and stroking her hair with his right hand.

“Shh, Y/n... it’s okay. It’s Bucky... I’ve got you, sweetheart. Shh... it’s okay.”

“Bucky?” she whimpered.

“Yeah, doll, it’s me. It’s okay, you’re safe.”

Y/n was sobbing into his chest, “Oh, God... Bucky... I... can’t...”

Bucky, cupping her cheeks and wiping her tears with his thumbs, stares deeply into her eyes, “Hey... hey... just breathe. In through your nose... out through your mouth. Just look at me and breathe... like this.”

Bucky demonstrated, breathing in through his nose, and slowly out through his lips. Y/n follows suit. They breathe together for a few minutes until Y/n stops shaking.

“See? There ya go... feeling better?”

Y/n sighs and closes her eyes, “Yes. Thank you.”

Bucky pulls her in for a soft hug.

“I’m so sorry I woke you, Bucky.”

“Don’t worry about that. Don’t ever worry about that, Y/n,” Bucky pulls away to look into her eyes, “Do you need anything? Water?”

“No, I'm okay. But... um... can you... would...” having a hard time saying what she wants to say, runs her fingers through her hair.

“Anything you need, Y/n... just tell me.”

“Would you... stay? Hold me? Just until I fall...”

“Of course. I will stay. I will hold you,” Bucky smiles, gently stroking her cheek.

Y/n slides over, pulling the covers back for Bucky as he lies down next to her, his strong arms pulling her in as his little spoon. He closed his eyes and breathes in her orchid scented hair.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Chapter 9

-----💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀💥🌀-----

Tag List

@sebastiansqueen

@katiekate23

@chipilerendi

@juenenfeu

#Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barns x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction

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machine-gun-casie · 4 years

Text

Nervous

@storiesforallfandoms: Could it just be an imagine about the reader meeting Casie for the first time and just being nervous that she won't like the reader? But then like obviously Casie does haha i loved writing this one!!

wc: 1.6k

Colson was showing you a video Casie had sent him, it was of her dancing with her friends to his latest single. He was laughing, telling you that he taught her that dance. The video ended with Casie putting the camera incredibly close to her mouth.

“Machine Gun Kelly, this is Machine Gun Casie speaking. When am I gonna see you next? Over.” The video cut, leaving you and Colson in peels of laughter in the sheets of your messy bed.

Colson sighed and turned off his phone, looking at his lock screen. It was a screenshot of you guys facetiming Casie. “I miss her so much.”

“Our flight is tomorrow, then you’ll be all over her.”

“Yeah, I know. It feels like the days are just longer right before I see her.” Colson paused and looked over at you. “Are you excited? This is gonna be the first time you guys meet in person.”

Your face scrunched up, anxiousness overriding every other emotion. You put your arm up and leaned your head against it to look at Colson properly. “I am, I’m just super nervous.”

“Why?” Colson asked, you being nervous to meet Casie not even crossing his mind. “You guys have talked before.”

“Yeah, but meeting in person is different.” You shrugged. “With the calls, you’re always there. And she’s nice, she’s such a sweetheart. But when we go to Cleveland, there’s gonna be times when it’s just me and her. Even if it’s for a few minutes, I don’t want it to get awkward. I want her to feel comfortable around me.”

“So do I. She’s gonna have to get used to you, cause I don’t plan on dumping your fine ass anytime soon.” Colson smirked, biting his lip and looking over your body next to his.

“Mm, I hope so.” You giggled. “But I know her opinion of me is important to you, and I understand that. She’s your daughter, her position in your life will never change. I’m a little worried, is all.”

Colson looked into your eyes and smiled, taking a deep breath before saying what he had to say. “No one I’ve been with has ever cared this much over what Casie thinks of them. That is why I’m not worried at all. Casie is the chillest person I know, and the things that worry you will probably never cross her mind. She will analyze you for a bit, I know that. She only wants the best for me. But you are the best for me, and I know she’s gonna see that.” He sealed his promise of things going right with a kiss and pulled you into his chest. “Now stop worrying and go to sleep, we’ve got a flight in the morning.”

He opened his phone again and entered his chat with Casie.

-Our flight is early in the morning, so we’ll be there by noon. I’ll text you when we land.

-Be at the airport!!! I need to see you as soon as I step foot in Cleveland.

-y/n can’t wait to meet you.

A smile snuck itself onto your face as you saw the last text. You could only hope that Colson was right about Casie liking you as you drifted into unconsciousness.

You woke up incredibly early the next day for your flight, Colson made sure to be sober the night before as to not deal with a hangover at the airport. As soon as the car pulled up to your terminal, you saw the paparazzi.

“Who the fuck tipped them off? We booked two days ago.” Colson cursed.

Slim scoffed and put on his sunglasses. “Someone said that they have connections in the airport or something. They get notified when a celebrity even looks at a ticket. Bullshit, if you ask me.”

“Fuck me.” You groaned, hand rummaging through your purse.

“What’s up?” Colson asked as he slipped on his backpack and his baseball cap, hand on the door handle. “You forgot something?”

“Yeah, my sunglasses. I fucking hate paps.” You muttered.

“It’s alright, I got you.” He stepped out and took off his cap. Colson helped you down and placed the hat on your head, pulling down the visor to cover your face. He put his arm around you and told you to keep your head down. He kept you close as he yelled at the paparazzi to move out of the way. He never made you doubt his love for you and you hoped he felt the same about you.

And you definitely hope Casie would see it too.

When you walked out with all the other arrivals into the main part of the airport, you immediately spotted Casie. She was not hard to find.

She had a poster almost as tall as her with the biggest, boldest, brightest bubble letters on it. And glitter. So much glitter. ‘WELCOME HOME MACHINE GUN KELLY!’

Colson’s face broke out into a huge grin as he ran up to her and picked her up. Poster discarded on the ground, he spun around with her in his arms as her giggles filled the air.

You slowly approached the scene and who you assumed to be Casie’s mother. “Hi, I’m y/n.” You introduced yourself, shaking her hand. “You must be-”

“Emma, Casie’s mom. It’s so lovely to finally meet you.” She smiled warmly at you, placing her second hand on top of your conjoined hands. “Casie’s been really excited to meet you.”

“So have I.” You said, looking over at the father daughter duo who weren’t even close to done with their embrace. Colson was holding her so incredibly close as she clung to him with all her limbs, whispering their conversation into each other's ears. “But I think it’s best to let them reunite for a bit.” You chuckled.

“Yeah, I agree. She’s gonna be like that for the next couple of days, just so you know. She needs to get reimbursed for all the time he’s gone.” Emma chuckled. “So, how are you? How was your flight?”

“It was okay, though I was nervous the whole way.” You smiled sheepishly. “Been really nervous about meeting her. I know how important she is to him and I don’t wanna let her down.”

Emma scoffed and brushed you off. “You don’t need to worry about a dang thing. She’ll analyze you a bit, sure. But the fact that you care is gonna be enough for her.”

“That’s exactly what Colson said.” You laughed. “I know I shouldn’t be worried, but I can’t really help myself.”

“To me, that’s just more reason to trust you around my daughter.” Emma smiled.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry I didn’t ask. Are you okay with all of this? I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to have this new woman just come into your daughter’s life.”

“It’s alright, I don’t mind.” Emma reassured you. “Colson’s dating life is none of my business. He knows who should and shouldn’t meet his daughter, he’s a good dad. Some of his girlfriends have never even laid eyes on Casie. I’m definitely not worried about you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh, good. I’m just- This is all new territory for me. I’ve never been with a guy who has a kid.” You confessed.

Emma nodded understandingly. “I understand, but you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Colson approached from behind, putting an arm around your waist. Casie was right next to him, unsurprisingly. “Hey, Emma. How are you?”

“I’m good, how about you?” Emma asked, no toxicity in the air at all. It was clear she really wanted to know and wasn’t just asking.

“I’m great. Thank you for bringing this little special girl to the airport.” Colson smiled, hand ruffling his daughter’s hair.

“You know if I didn’t she would’ve run off and hitched a ride.” Emma joked.

“Damn right.” Casie replied.

“Language.” Colson laughed. “Alright, with that, I think we’re gonna head out.”

“Dad.” Casie whined, tugging at his shirt.

“Oh, right.” Colson chuckled and turned to you. “y/n, this is my daughter, Casie.”

You knelt down a little to look her in the eyes, not much as she was clearly Colson’s daughter with all that height. “Hi, I’m y/n. I’ve been super nervous to meet you, if I’m being honest.” Honesty was the best policy, after all.

“No way! Me!” Casie looked at you in awe, and turned to her father. “No one’s ever nervous to meet me.”

“This one’s different.” Colson told her, winking at you. You rolled your eyes as you felt the compliment getting to you.

“Yeah, I heard.” Casie rolled her eyes and looked at you. “You know, he never stops talking about you? He’s always like ‘y/n this’ and ‘y/n that’.” Casie teased her father.

“Case, can we not get into this?” Colson begged, his face turning red.

“Colson Baker blushing? Casie, please tell me more.” You smiled, joining Casie in teasing your boyfriend.

“You two are gonna get along just fine.” Emma smiled and sighed. “Alright, I gotta head home, Colson. I’ll talk to you later.” Emma stated, bending down to give her daughter a bear hug. “Don’t forget baby, call me every night.”

“Every night, Mama.” Casie replied, bumping noses with her mother when she pulled away.

“It was lovely meeting you, y/n. Get my number from Colson so we can chat.” Emma smiled at you, preparing to leave.

“Likewise, and of course. I’ll send you pictures, I got so many activities planned.” You chuckled.

“Looking forward to it.” Emma smiled. “Bye, pumpkin.” Emma waved to her daughter as she walked away.

Colson patted his daughter on the back and sighed. “Alright, Case. You ready to head home? The guys beat us to the car.”

“Mhm, I’m ready.” Casie said, taking her dad’s hand in her right and your hand in her left. “Let’s go home.”

#machine gun kelly #mgk #colson baker #machine gun kelly fanfic #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker fanfic #colson baker x reader #colson baker fluff #machine gun kelly fluff #mgk fanfic #mgk fluff #mgk x reader #request

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nerdygaymormon · 4 years

Note

Sometimes I really hate being Bi. I know know the Church is true and I'll never leave it, but man is it a struggle. I started to think I was Bi on my Mission, and wow, that was scary. Ever since I got home, little over a year ago, I feel like I'm attracted to women more and more and I hate it. (I know I'm Bi and not Lesbian.) I see a cute gal, and I want cuddles and dates, and so many other things, but I can't act on it. (Especially since I'm at BYUI.) Do you have any tips on not hating yourself

Everyone has some things about themselves they don’t like or about which they’re hyper-critical. Often these are about not living up to our ideals, actions we wish we had or hadn’t done, not living up to some societal ideal, about a failure in our life. This is normal and part of being human.

Queer people in particular must deal with self-hatred that goes beyond just a normal part of being human. We grow up hearing negative messages about people like us and we internalize those messages. And often we have an inner voice that is authoritative and may sound like our parents or religious leaders and thus when it speaks to us, that voice gives those messages extra heft. These things cause us to see ourselves as lesser and to feel shame over our feelings and how we experience life.

An important part of unraveling this self-loathing is to recognize the negative messages, refute them, and replace them.

For example, your world won’t end just because you’re bi. Some people may view you differently if they find out, but a lot of people will continue to respect and love you. Perhaps you’ll lose some people, but you will not lose everything and everybody you care about.

That’s recognizing and refuting the negative messages, now let’s replace them. Being bi is a wonderful part of what makes me the person I am and I’m lucky because it brings many important gifts into my life. I can find beauty and love that others miss.

When you’re at church or school and hear a negative message about queer people, push back against it. You can raise your hand and speak up. If you’re not feeling brave in that moment, it’s okay, and explain to yourself why that comment was wrong and replace it with a positive comment.

Another thing you may have heard is that being gay or bi is a choice or the result of a lack of faith or some other reason. Fact is that it’s biological and a natural part of this world. This is literally how we’re made.

Associate with other LGBTQIA people.

I always feel so much better after I’ve been with other queer people. Being with them helps fight the things I was taught about the queer community, I can see & experience that they are normal people. They are fun, loving, caring, and supportive, exactly the opposite of what I’d been told. You can attend USGA-Rexburg and there’s a new resource center going up in town.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints spends quite a bit of time teaching and celebrating early pioneers. It’s quite a legacy and something to be proud of. The same is true of the queer community, we have amazing pioneers. We are a brave people. You have claim to two incredible legacies. Read about some of our queer Mormon heroes of the last decade.

Shame withers in sunshine

If you’re not yet out to friends and family, that’s okay, you have a blog and can write about your experiences and thoughts online. You can also find & connect with other queer Mormons.

One thing I’ve experienced, which has surprised me is that as I write and post about things of which I was embarrassed, the shame associated with them goes away. By sharing with others, it is no longer a secret that needs to be hidden, but something I’m taking ownership of.

If you’re awesome on paper, then you’re awesome in person

I used to know that I could write things on paper about myself that would sound great, but I didn’t have positive feelings about them. That person on the paper looked good, but somehow I didn’t have those same feelings about myself. I was the first person in my family to get a college degree, I now have an MBA, I served a mission, I am the favorite uncle in my family, I play the piano, I am kind and trusted and so on.

Learn to draw boundaries

Often when we don’t feel great about ourselves, we make up for that by seeking the approval of others, more so than is usual or healthy. We end up agreeing to do things we may not want to do just so that we seem agreeable and worthy of their approval, even from people we don’t care about that much. There is power in being able to say “no.” Schedule time to get your school work done, to participate in activities you enjoy, in having time for friends, for contributing to the community. You can agree to spend time helping others with things they want, but protect your boundaries and don’t overstretch yourself.

Boundaries also are important when it comes to people and messages you associate with. Try to find allies and queer people that you can associate with. Even if you’re not “out,” you can present yourself as an ally and be with people who express positivity about queerness.

You don’t have to accept everything you hear at church, what church leaders have said, or even all the “doctrine.” Church leaders have been tragically wrong in the past, they are not perfect conveyers of the love of our Heavenly Parents. You don’t have to believe the terrible things taught about LGBTQ people. I know this is easier said than done. It helps if you’ve experienced God’s love for you, or if you’ve thought about how illogical it would be for loving Heavenly Parents to send queer children to earth with no way for them to express who they are or to have happiness. We are supposed to experience joy in this life.

Take care of your health

When I met with a psychologist because I was suicidal and also wanted help with my internalized homophobia and low-self esteem, the first things we discussed were if I was getting enough sleep, was I eating a healthy diet, was I getting exercise. Our physical well-being contributes to our mental well-being. Sometimes a good cry is what I need to express the feelings I’m having, followed by a nap, then I feel much better.

Allow for growth and forgiveness

We all learn and change and grow. As others grow in understanding and do better, allow them the grace of forgiveness by recognizing things said by their past selves were said in ignorance and recognize the growth they’ve undergone. This also applies to you and your past self.

A common exercise that helps is to think of what you would say to someone else in a similar position. So often we speak of love and acceptance and not being hard on themselves, and it’s pretty great advice which we could apply to ourselves. Another exercise is to have a picture of our younger self, or even of just some young person around ages 5~12, and know that they are going to grow up queer, what advice would you give them? You deserve the same compassion, kindness and love that you show to others.

Growth and change also happens to our faith. Here’s a post where I shared about faith transitions and I found it very helpful in understanding how I experience my faith is different from my family, it’s because we’re in different stages.

Take pride in trying, not in failure or success

Coming out is freaking hard and takes a lot of courage. Like a lot of things in life, many people attempt to do this and then fail, they back down, the moment feels wrong, they get panicked, or whatever reason. Failure isn’t the worst thing, not trying is. And the more we try, the more successes we’ll eventually have. And once you have some wins under your belt, it gets easier to do those things that were once hard.

When being bi brings happiness, it’s easier to love this about yourself

For so many people, being queer is only associated with negative things in their life, but when you can start associating it with positive things it becomes easier to accept and love this part of yourself. When you have queer friends, when you have experienced the excitement of a crush on a boy and on a girl, when you go on dates, or someone sends a message that your posts about your feelings really helped them, those positive experiences will be associated with being bi.

Add voices and writings that affirm you and your experiences

So often scriptures are used as a weapon against queer people. A lot of people think they know what the Bible says about queer people based on a few verses pulled out of context, but they’ve not put in any real study to the original language, situation or what those verses read like when put back in context. Nor are they aware that there’s also positive scriptures about queer people. I put together a collection of things I learned that I hope will help others.

This year I’ve really been enjoying the Beyond the Block podcast, which has a Black man and a gay man discuss each week’s Come, Follow Me lesson. I also have liked the Faithful Feminists podcast. Both of those podcast highlight principles and concepts from the scriptures which are important for marginalized people.

Find blogs, podcasts, books, videos, lectures, classes, twitter accounts and whatever else that helps affirm you and helps you understand yourself.

#queerstake

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claudiafekete · 3 years

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This is another ordinary story of “how xxx fandoms changed my life” -

- or maybe not. you decide. I want to write it down. trigger warning for politics, discussion of sexual violence, mild gender dysphoria It’s also horribly long. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

When I first came to tumblr, I had just graduated from APH. Short for Axis Power Hetalia. I learned about it in the form of manga. For years it was my everything - I learned what fanfic or fanart meant and I learned the basic online etiquette. As I grew in years, it accompanied me.

Until it didn’t.

Shortly after I fell into solangelo.

It’s a fun story, how I picked up PJO years after years of absence. My brother was whining about something written in Magnus Chase. “What do you think the Norse Gods were going to do to Percy that Annabeth was crying?” He demanded. I expressed my confusion. He kept on with his different theories and I made the decision to look it up online later.

My online search of Percy Jackson’s fate soon revealed something unknown to me before: solangelo. The first canon gay ship I ever knew. Therefore, at the ripe old age of 19, I threw myself into this endless hole called “tumblr” for the first time.

It was the most LGBTQ+ friendly place I had ever been. I joke you not. It was also the place where I was taught not only how a healthy relationship should look like, but also how sex should or could be like. You don’t learn anything healthy about sex in Chinese or Mandarin using fandom, at least during the years I was in them. There were rigid 攻/受(roughly translated as top/bottom) stereotypes that everyone rushed to squeezed their characters into them. A lot of time though both person might ship A with B, they wouldn’t interact because one thought A should top and another thought B should top. Their different topping designation resulted in depictions of the characters’ personalities so dramatically differed that you couldn’t recognize them as the same characters. Other than the refreshing relationship dynamics, Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard offered me a chance to take a look at my gender identity. I had known that theoretically non-binary people existed outside of binary gender, but I hadn’t known how one might live as one or describe themselves as one. I’m not trying to claim that Alex Fierro’s story is the only story of non-binary people. I’m trying to say that it was the starting point for me to make exploration and find the label “agender” for myself.

I stayed in APH for 6 years. I had expected to stay in solangelo for longer.

Entered June 2019 with its whispers and anxious demonstrations. Entered folks pouring into streets in Hong Kong. Entered tear gas and facemasks and sticks and a bullet scarcely missing the heart and journalists beaten by police. Entered young students not of age disappearing mysteriously. Entered people dressed in white attacking citizens and not arrested by police. Entered dead bodies that were probably “被自殺 (being suicided)”.

Entered a city falling into the hands of tyrants next to your door, and you didn’t know how to help. You didn’t know what to do with yourself with your clean and spare hands. You were so far away from the frontline, you were angry and helpless and hopeless for that.

It was the first time I witnessed, first-hand, how the Chinese government directed the discussion online, so that it seemed as if there were random mobs who were disturbing the peace of Hong Kong and possibly taking money or being trained by US. “Bullshit. Would there still be so many kids hurt on street if we have received any kinds of training for this?“ Of course, the majority of Chinese people inland wouldn’t hear that. Hong Kong is a former colony. Any calls of outrage toward the present government must be made by disillusioned young people who were unaware of colonization and imperialism.

That was why I took refugee in Good Omens. I needed to run some where to stop myself from scratching myself to blood. I needed to some works for these clean and spare hands to do so that they wouldn’t pick up something destructive, such as a knife.

If the PJOverse fandom had felt the best place on earth, well, the Good Omens fandom lifted me into paradise.

I’ve never seen so much kindness being showed under one tag. The creators and actors were all kind and interacted with the fans in their own ways. We were encouraged to do everything, anything, to build art with it however we liked. We as fans were recognized. We were seen. We were ... cared for. It was overwhelming, in a good way. For that, I would be forever thankful to Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett and Michael Sheen and so many others in the production. I would be forever thankful to artists who liberated body types and freed the ties between gender expression and genitals. I would be forever thankful for the fantastic creators out there.

Would it seem as if I’ve only cherished the mutuals I met in Good Omens fandom? It wasn’t my intention. There are friends I keep in touch long after I fell out of love with APH. There are mutuals I got to know through solangelo and I feel, I hope that we are friends. Everyone who has chat with me I do my best to remember. (Though I do left conversation in weird places, become so ashamed of my incompetency that I do not continue them.)

What I’m trying to say is, as good as the solangelo fandom was, I still ran into biphobic posts here and there. It was only once or twice – but it was a constant reminder that being bisexual didn’t seem “valid” to some of the other LGBTQ+ members out there. Who cares what cis-gendered, heteronormative people said? Bullets that shot from friendly fire hurt the worst.

Besides, with a large and vibrant fandom like Good Omens, it’s easier to feel less alone and more… seen.

Damn right. Even after writing more that 5000 words in English it is still so easy to fall back into the comfortable nest of mother tongue. I can read simplified Chinese characters as well as the traditional Chinese characters I grow up using. There probably will never be getting the accent right but soundlessly devouring words in front of a screen? I excel at that.

That was what’s happening when the days rolled into January, 2020. I flew to US as an exchange student and exchanged long letters with a young Chinese woman I met in Good Omens fandom. I’ve never felt so alone in life. English as in creative writing has never come more naturally for me. The words burst in my head and arranged themselves freely on screen or on papers. I’ve never felt more hopeful about my writing ability.

The days rolled into March, 2020.

The first time my mom told me to come home over home, I laughed. The second time, I frowned. Before she pleaded me for the third time, I had grabbed a ticket.

I hadn’t imagined the disease plaguing China and its neighboring countries would affect the whole world.

You lived the rest of the story. I fled back to Taiwan.

That was where Doctor Who came in. Or David Tennant. Such a strange time. For fourteen days I was the only living human in the house. I watched Casanova – or was it later? Hamlet definitely came before that. Then I could live with my family again. I handed in my homework and wrote in a different language than the people around me were speaking. My parents were working. My little brother was in school. When there was no one to talk to me I either read or watch Doctor Who to pass the time. I fell for Thirteen. I fell for twissy. Falling fast and hard and completely won over by their glamour.

I started internship. There were some small breaks where I could catch an episode or half, but never as much time as before. I dipped into fandom wiki and found that no matter how much research I did, there would always be details I overlooked simply because I could not afford hours watching all the episodes. No matter how hard I squeezed my schedule for time, no matter how much I devoted myself to the series, it would never be enough.

So I gave up, and let it go. For the first time in quite a while, I willingly gave up something for the simple reason of “I want to live a more comfortable life”.

Came summer. Damp air combined with biting heat and piles after piles of biochemical terms made life agonizing. An ordinary kind of pre-pandemic “agonizing” which felt like a luxury in a world that was ending.

Hong Kong fell.

It was bound to happen. Once I heard protestors fought their way into the legislature I knew, for almost an year I knew, nothing good would come out of this. CCP would never allow its subjects acting out of hand. With such open despise to the authority, CCP would take nothing but a full conquest at the end of it.

See where we are now. As long as you’re “interfering” the political climate “inside” China, it doesn't matter which nationality you hold or where you were or how long it has been since you made the statement. “According to the law”, China can come for you. No, better, it can tell your country to hand you over. What a clever empire. What a graceful empire.

What a horrifying empire.

With the news I spiraled down fast. I kept away from the young Chinese woman I was exchanging letters with, I kept away from any kinds of Chinese social media, and the worst of all, I kept away from Good Omens, for it was sweet and kind and hopeful, for it reminded me of a time where fighting seemed to make a difference. I was empty and exhausted and a husk. Something must come out to fill the void. Someone needed to paint me in colors so that the world wouldn’t notice I was fading away.

I was surprised at who took the brush.

After ten years, the first man I ever have a crush on strolled back into my life.

He was over thirty, but I always pictured him in his early twenties. Dark hair, eyes of grey or silvery blue. Loud laughter that sounded like a bark. Swift and elegant. Intelligent. Prideful. Stubborn. I embraced him as I’ve done ten years ago as a little child.

When I looked past him, I saw someone else.

Worn, weathered, with wry humor. Attentive and considerate. Tortured by the world yet never stop giving out kindness. Countless scars. Grey hair unfitting to his age. I didn’t pay him much attention ten years ago. This time, I looked.

Let me introduce you Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, my very first crush and the man who is too much like my last crush.

2020, a month before Fall semester started, I trekked cautiously, timidly back into Harry Potter fandom.

The fandom of August 2020 was very different from fandom of 2010. The lack of author, for one – it became mandatory to denounce the author’s transphobic statement and other bigotry setting. I’m glad that everyone is doing their best to make it a friendly place for minority groups. Though I’m afraid, by making it a white or black situation with short statements and no discussion, it wouldn’t really help people understand why she is wrong in this. However irrefutable the author’s guilt seems to us, it is not something obvious to those who are unfamiliar with the subjects.

But it does feel good to see blogs and fics with the introduction such as “If you support the author’s transphobic bullshit this place does not welcome you”. It feels reliving.

The second was, I found the type of work I’m actively pursuing changed.

Back when I was young – when I was so little I didn’t even know what the word “fandom” meant – I read Character x OFC and some M x M. During the APH period I read an alarming amount of M x M and countless historical AU. When digging through solangelo, beside the canon divergence stories, simple AU like coffee shop grabbed my attention. Coming out stories were my comforts. The best of Good Omens fics were either in canon verse discussing desires, bravery, humanity and mortality, or setting in an AU with the promise of sweet, fluffy endings. Doctor Who almost always focused on Time and Space. Love was twisted and so often tainted by anger. Monster and god were very alike.

I came a full circle back to the Marauder era, and found myself not looking for heroes, but for young fighters struggling desperately in a seemingly hopeless war. I looked for people who were frightened but never, never ever going down without a fight.

I used to find characters and events unfolding in foreign places, now I want characters who are close to what I am or what I want to be.

---

So, that’s it, my grand journey through multiple fandoms and basically a journey of self-discovery. It’s messy, sometimes painful, but always with so much joy blooming along the way.

Something doesn’t change. I’m still obsessed with words. I’m still a sucker for happy ending. I’m still wishing someone will come and love me the way I need to be loved.

Something does. I stop imagining that some magical power will come into my life and solve everything. I stop looking for others to save me from myself. I start believing that though wounds hurt, some of them do teach us to be a better person.

Long ago, I saw my friends and I as rabbits, without proper weapons to defend ourselves. That wouldn’t do. I thought. For my friends I’ll grow into a snake with fangs to protect them. Maybe I have grown into a snake. Maybe I haven’t. But I do hope I won’t stop fighting for those I love, with those I love.

I hope I won’t give up.

#APH #axis power hetalia #pjo #percy jackson #solangelo #tw: politics #tw: sex mention #magnus chase #magnus chase and the gods of asgard #alex fierro #hong kong extradition bill #hong kong demonstration #good omens #doctor who #tw: personal review of pandemic #harry potter #sirius black #remus lupin #hong kong national security law

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queerchoicesblog · 4 years

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La Vie Bohème

Hiya, folks! So, as previously announced, the wlw writing project continues after a break with a miniseries set back in the City of Lights - & Love - at the time of the Belle Epoque, at the turn of the century.

The story of Élodie and Léa continues: what’s next?

Next chapter out on Monday, I think!

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions to homophobia, reference to sexual activity (if you are a minor or it bothers you in any way, you have been warned)

Tagging: @scottishqueer

Previous chapters: Paris, Paris ; One Night At The Moulin Rouge , The Handkerchief, The Cage of Fools

Hope you enjoy it: if you do, please consider spreading the word!

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The following day I wake up late, around lunchtime. My roommates are all out: Marie left me a note saying she's out for a walk with Alain. Poor Marie, what a concerned look she gave me last night when she saw me sneaking inside our room without my coat! I had to craft a wild story to justify my attire and being so late. I can only hope she believed me...at least, she didn't ask too many questions. I head to the kitchen and warm up the stew leftover my friend saved for me. The events of the night are blurred, they waltz together in a haze: the Moulin Rouge, the Cage of Fools and the jigs I danced with Élodie, her perfume, her laughter, the violet a gallant admirer sent me, then the gendarmes, the clash of their batons, our mad run. The sad look on Élodie's face, the little kiss she pressed on my knuckles parting.

I wash myself and head out for a walk too, wrapping myself in the only other coat I have, much lighter than the lost one. My neighbourhood is certainly not renewed for attractions but it's Sunday and everyone is out to enjoy their day off. Some kids almost collide with me while chasing each other while an old lady nearby invites every passerby to try her apple tart, cheap and decadent, she repeats. Last night was the wildest night I've ever had in my whole life. After the initial embarrassment, I felt incredidibly...happy. I felt like floating on air when Élodie spun me in her arms or when we had a toast at our new friendship. Why did it end so soon? Who called the gendarmes and why they wanted to arrest those people who were just having fun? I don't get it...people crossdress every day now on the stages of cabaret theatres and no one ever complains. Their acts receive thunderous applauses and some artists have adoring fans every night. Why is it so different to call for a mass arrest? The men and women at the Cage of Fools were just doing what popular crossdress artists do: singing, dancing, making sure everybody was merry and bright. Was it because of the two men kissing a few tables away from where we sat? Nobody cared there, I didn't care, honestly. But now that I think of it, that might be the cause. Crossdressing performers never kiss each other on stage. I walk up to a hill into a second hand marketplace, hoping to find a replacement for my old coat I can afford. Could it be that my friend Élodie is a...how do they call them? A sapphic? I heard the word for the first time when I worked as a maid at the uncle Yves' client house. Madame pronounced it with ill grace, speaking of one of their acquaintances while I served breakfast. When I went back to the kitchen, I asked the cook the meaning of the unknown word, that I assumed a fancy insult: my masters wanted to play the role of the rich and the rich don't share the same language with us commoners. They invent new words, more fitted to their uptown world, not tainted with the smell of the street. The lady got all red and threw me a cloth, scolding me for eavesdropping a conversation and warning me to mind my own business. Needless to say my curiosity ran wild and I finally got an answer a few days later when I asked to the maid of a visiting guest. Could it be? The following week is pretty eventful: an important commission and Marie receiving a letter from home, urging her to go back to Aergenteuil to help assisting a sick relative. They would have never asked, knowing all the trouble that would cause her, if they could have done otherwise, her parents wrote. Marie is very close to that aunt and she sobbed in my arms at the thought of losing her and the job all at once. It took time to me and our roommates to comfort her. I told her that she didn't have to worry about the job: we will talk to the girls tomorrow and we will cover for her during her absence. If most agree to help, it will only mean a few extra hours each. Luckily, Marie is well loved at work so things run relatively smoothly, despite the boss' evident contempt. She profuses in an endless series of thank you and praises when I walk her to the carriage station at dawn before heading straight to work. We hug and I give her a tiny slice of that cheap and decadent apple tart the old lady sells at the crossroad. A little treat for the journey home, the only one I can afford. "You're a true friend, Léa. I will never forget this" she says, eyes veiled with tears before taking her seat on board. As the carriage disappears from view, I realise it's the first time we are separated from each other since we first met. Predictably, I end up missing her: we've been around each other for so long that now not walking back home with her, working side by side and sharing lunch on the staircase makes me feel a bit empty, as if a part was missing. Marcel and Alain are busy with work too as festivities approach fast and I have my fair share of Marie's work to worry about. However, from time to time, when I'm not so tired I only want to touch the bed, I pay a visit to the Moulin Rouge. The first time Élodie spots me, she runs straight into my arms, hugging me tightly: she must have thought she would never see me again after our misadventure with the gendarmes. She lets me assist to the acts backstage and I get to befriend other dancers, now used to see me around. I even fix their costumes if they get damaged during the performance. I do it gladly, even if it adds up to my daily amount of work. I usually gets cheek kisses or champagne as payment but sometimes, despite my deflections, they drop some coins into my hand, arguing that the Moulin Rouge tailor is half as good as me. When it happens, instead of saving them, I go buy a dinner at a bistro nearby with Élodie. I'm always starving but she never makes jokes of me for that. I tell her about Marie and the extra hours and, in return, she pretends not to be so hungry and offers me her slices of bread or some mashed potatoes "she won't eat anyway". We talk for hours, until I can keep my eyelids open. We start seeing each other more often. I must admit it's relatively easier now that I don't have to worry about bothering Marie and my friends are busy. Only my roommates look at me differently: I'm positive they suspect I have a secret lover. Now my day off is split between a little work at home in the morning and Élodie. We stroll down the Tuileries Gardens, arm in arm to protect each other against the cold. Élodie loves this place: she doesn't care it's overly popular, to her it's a testament to the the beautiful things people can create, an urban Eden. Who am I to contradict her? The Palace in the distance, the trees, the quiet murmur of the Seine nearby...it's rather gorgeous. One day we bump into a couple of her friends of the Cage of Fools. I could barely recognise gracious Pierrette in her male clothes. She goes by Pierre during the day. "Amélie" the other woman says, offering a hand to shake and I recognise one of Élodie's friends who were playing cards. "We've already met but I don't think I properly introduced myself". I assure her that I remember her. Then, lowering my voice as if I don't know if I can speak freely about it, I ask them about the fate of the Cage. Pierre/Pierrette frowns, she's one of the owners and had a hard time being released by the gendarmes after the arrest. The bar and ballroom is still closed, the authorities denies a reopening. They're planning a night incursion to retrieve all the lost goods, if there's any left. But so far it's hard to tell what will be of the Cage. Then, noticing my sullen expression, she adds: "It will open up again, darling. It's Paris, Pigalle: places like this always rise from their own ashes. We just don't know when and how" We all share a weak smile. The silence is broken by Élodie. "I was thinking of throwing a little party at my place to cheer up the mood" "At your place? But how?" Amélie inquiries, skeptic but intrigued. "A roof party, so there will be space for anyone. We can lit some fires to keep warm. You're all invited and I will ask some girls at the Moulin. A little feast to forget about our sorrows" True to her word, the next week, when I receive a letter from Marie informing me of her upcoming return, she proudly announces me that the party is happening: it's on Saturday night after the act at the Moulin. "Will you be there?" she asks, taking my hand into hers. The sudden gesture draws a smile on my face. We now seat together in bars and bistros very different from the Cage of Fools and I've come to miss casual touches like this. We've been very careful since that raid, especially Élodie. "Of course, I will" I nod over a steamy bowl of soup. She claps her hands excitedly, flashing me a bright smile before scribbling down an address on a scrap of paper she retrieved God knows where. Then she hands it to me. "Don't be late, I'll be waiting for you" Her words colour my cheeks rosy, the warmth in her voice unmistakable. Unsurprisingly, she lives in Monmarte, the artist neighbourhood. I arrive early, afraid to be late. I ate my dinner with great haste once back from work and spent a whole hour getting ready, a detail that -I do not doubt it- cemented my roommates' theory of the secret affair. I washed myself, did my hair up just like Marie taught me, and put on my best dress, which is nothing fancy but I am quite fond of the colour and its lacy sleeves. Once I put kohl on my eyes and some rouge on my lips, I head off into the night. When I finally arrive, I spot some familiar faces in front of the building: Léa's friends. I wave at them and they greet me with affability as if we've known each other for a while. "Good evening, Léa. You're radiant tonight" Pierrette says, kissing both my cheeks. I'm glad to see her back in her female clothes, she even placed a flower in her hair for the occasion. "Élodie hasn't arrived yet, she and the girls must be on their way" Amélie informs me, rubbing her hands. I say that it's fine especially if you're in good company. We chat, hugging ourselves and I discover that they all works as secretaries, bar Pierrette who is "an unsuspecting accountant by day, the best bartender in town by night". Just then, a cheerful choir of voices resounds in the street, approaching. We turn and it's the dancers of the Moulin Rouge. They cheer and wave at us, swaying bottles of wine and champagne raided from the theatre. After a quick round of kisses and loud greetings, we all run up the stairs before catching a cold. Élodie's apartment is messy and rather small for the number of guests attending the party so we quickly take the stairs and head to the roof. The sight is gorgeous: as the others light a couple of fires and one of the dancers harmonises an accordion, I take a moment to admire it. From the top of the hill, Paris lays beneath us like an ocean of light and chimney smoke. An intoxicating combination of misery and beauty I have never seen before. Someone taps my shoulder and I turn to see Carmine, one of Élodie's colleagues, handing me a glass of wine. It's stronger than I expect but I keep sipping it as we chat, grateful to have something to kindle my bones in the cold. A lively tune starts playing and we all share a toast to our host, who performs an exaggerated reverie in full response. The atmosphere is bubbly: some dance, others chat and crack jokes with each other...everyone is in good spirits. I wonder if this is the life my new friend is used to, so careless and free. So different from the one I know. What does she see in me? My ordinary seamstress routine, my life....is a stale dry biscuit in comparison to what she does. I'm saved by the male dance, Laurent, who asks me to dance. I accept: after all, I am here to enjoy myself and he will lead, I only have to follow his moves. As we sway I catch Élodie looking in my direction while chatting with the girls and drinking wine. I have no recollection of how much time we spent there, I remember walking down the stairs arm in arm with Amélie. As some guests take their leave, we gather in the living room and the the tiny kitchen downstairs to keep warm. Laurent produces himself in an impression of Monsieur Ziegler that elicits a general round of laughters. Pierrette and one of the girls sing one last song, a popular duet for the "last ones standing" then say goodbye. When the last guest walks out of the door, Élodie turns towards me. "Stay and help me sinking that?" she asks, nodding at a half empty bottle of champagne. Before I can answer, she's already looking for two glasses. She returns with just one. "You have the glass, I take the bottle" she announces. I laugh at the tipsy note in her voice as she pours liquid ambrosia in my glass. "What?" she chuckles. "Just saying that maybe you should take a seat, mademoiselle" I tease her, guiding her to the sofa. She rolls her eyes and obliges...then at last minute, she pulls me down too. Some champagne sloshes over the rim of my glass but I find a seat beside her. We both giggle. "To the best party host in Paris" I raise my glass. She smiles and mirrors my gesture. "To the most gracious guest, the pearl of Roscoff" We cling our glasses and I blush a little, diverting my eyes. When I look back at here, her eyes rests dreamy on a painting laid nearby on the floor. One of her roommates is a painter, she explains absentmindedly, he finished it yesterday. I tell her she's a real bohemienne, living in the artist quarter with a painter.... "An actress and a music-hall trumpet player. And I'm a dancer myself!" she adds. Then she falls quiet. She smiles to herself, a rather melancholic smile, as if she's contemplating her whole life. "La vie bohème...that's the life I chose" she says after a while. "I've never thought I would achieve that though. I've never thought I would get this far" "How come?" I sit more comfortably and she takes a gulp of champagne before speaking again. She was born in Bordeaux, a place now filled with memories of a lonely grim childhood. Her mother was, is -since she's still alive as far as she knows- a prostitute, who spent more time walking the streets than cuddling her little girl. Sometimes she received clients at home and Élodie ran hiding in the filthy toilet in the garden until they were gone. She never knew who her father was but she likes to think it was a tormented poet or a travelling artist...more likely and ironically, he could have been a gendarme off duty or the spoilt heir of a local noble with a taste for the sordid cheap pleasures the streets of the suburbs offer after dark. Her mother wasn't kind to her -one day when she had a bit too much, she admitted she never wanted a child- but provided for her. She was the one teaching her the can-can. "Decades ago only prostitutes danced like this, now it's different...but I guess it's part of the profession lore, so to speak" she laughs sombrely. "I mean, some girls at the Moulin still do that, dancing and selling their graces to paying admirers. I suppose it's easy to cross the line if you always want more and more and adulation is a weird poison. I don't judge them, if no one is forcing them to do so, they can do what they want...." She turns towards me, placing her hand over mine. I give it a squeeze. "I don't do that, Léa. I don't do that...I saw what that life did to my mother, what it turned her into and when one morning I packed my things and left, I swore to myself to ever do that, even if money was running low, if I could avoid it. I was barely sixteen when I arrived here, alone, in Paris. I was lucky enough to find kind people who didn't take advantage of me...and I...and I started to dance. Dancing gave me freedom" I don't know what made her so suddenly nostalgic, maybe it's the alcohol we had tonight. But her story makes me appreciate her even more: the world has been unkind to her at first, filling her childhood with hardships, but she fought back. She danced away from her misery with ineffable grace and dignity like a brave butterfly. "And now look at you: you're Lila, star of la quadrille" I flash her a bright smile. "I'm proud of you" She laughs softly. "Are you?" "Yes, of course!" I sit a bit straighter, as if it could give my word more authority. "You've faced adversities and you went so far. Only the most talented dancers are allowed to perform in la quadrille!" "You read it somewhere?" "Everybody knows that!" I exclaim, amused and surprised by her skepticism. Then, to prove my point, I hand her my glass and stand. I find a spot clear enough and declare astonished: "Like, I could never dance like you do every night!" And I start mimic the can-can routine at my best, that I'm pretty sure turns out to be a grotesque parody of the real dance. I do it to amuse her and I smile when I finally hear her laughing. She places the bottle and the glass back on the floor and claps her hands, whistling like some spectators do at the Moulin. "What? No, don't clap, that was just silly!" I dismiss her, chuckling. "Well, whatever that was it was...something" she shrugs before bursting into another laughter, softer this time. "Whatever it was? Hear hear, a can-can dancer who doesn't even recognise it!" I make a scene to be offended and throw her a cushion from the nearest armchair. She ducks just in time to avoid it. We both giggle then she stroke her chin and regards me more carefully, pensive. "You have enthusiasm but you lack technique" "Told you I'm a bad dancer" I shrug. The memory of the two of us dancing at the Cage of Fools crosses my mind like a meteor and my heart starts racing again in my chest. "May I?" she says, standing. I nod even if I don't know what she means exactly. I get it when she saunters closer and positions herself behind me. When she gently places her hands on my hips, I inhale sharply. "First of all, you need to loosen up a bit. You're too wooden...sway your hips, like this" She hums the melody of Offenbach and guides my movements so that they match the rhythm. Again, it doesn't take long before I surrender and follow her lead. I don't know how long we sway like this, I must have closed my eyes. I only hear her voice behind me. "See, definite improvement! Now rise your skirt up a little" I freeze and turn towards her. My cheeks warm up and I try to blame the wine I had. "You don't want to trip over your skirt while dancing this, you can hurt yourself" she smiles encouragely. "That's why you do that then...I would have thought..." I shake my head but do as she says. I bend down and reach for the hem of my long skirt then I grab it as I saw the dancers do and lift it up till my the height of my knees. "Well, that's one reason" "I knew there were ulterior motives" I laugh. "The Moulin is not exactly a convent, right? You have to show your legs to the paying audience" she explains, mocking Monsieur Ziedler's voice. "They pay good money for them" "I see no paying audience though" I chuckle, turning my head slightly. "Because you have little imagination, mademoiselle Pearl" she whispers into my ear. Her breath hot on my skin sends a shiver down my spine and my heart pounding against my ribs. "Ready for the gallop? Three, two, one-" "Wait, wait-" Before I can process what's happening, under the lead of Élodie, we gallop from one side of the room to the other, moving laterally like crabs. I understand now: I saw this move over and over during the acts. Élodie gives directions and tells me to sway the skirt as we move. We soon end up laughing again when we almost trip over a tin box on the floor. When we stop, I feel dizzy and lean back against her for sustain. "Enough of that" she announces between laughters. "Now, knee up, girl!" I oblige and start jumping on my other feet. My balance becomes way more precarious. To think that dancers like Élodie make this look so easy...I let out a shriek as I fear of tripping. She encourages me to rise my knee even higher up to my chest. "But I will fall!" "I'll catch you" she reassures me, holding my hips a bit tighter. "C'mon, Léa, a bit higher...higher...yes, like this! You're a natural...and now kick!" I follow her instructions and my kick sends the books on top of a pile nearby flying across the room. It's a miracle they don't land over the painting. "Well, that's one hell of a kick, darling!" Élodie cheers as I lower my leg. Her laughter is contagious, I soon join and we don't stop until we're out of breath. Then I throw my head back and it finds her shoulder. We're still in the same position. I can feel her chest rising and falling against my back and her hands on me. I slowly turn my face towards her and find her looking back at me. We go quiet, trying to catch our breaths. Has she always been so beautiful? This whole time? I remember her cheerfulness, the way she let me spin into her arms and listened to me, resting her chin on her hand at the Cage. How she immediately grabbed my hand at first sign of danger, the tender light in her eyes when our faces were inches apart in that back alley. I decide to do what probably she failed to do that night: I follow my instinct, without thinking twice. I lean forward and brush my lips over hers. A tentative kiss, the lazy stroke of a shy lover. She mirrors my move and our hands move almost at unison: hers around my waist, resting on my stomach; mine over hers, stroking her wrists and intertwining our fingers. The kiss that follows makes me tingle in her arms as a fire erupts underneath my skin. She kisses me again on her own accord this time: it's surprisingly tender and it tastes of rouge, champagne and a refrained passion that finally finds its way. My knees go suddenly weak and I feel dizzy again, lost in our embrace, lost in her. She whispers my name like a prayer and I spin to wrap my arms around her neck and kiss her again. Her hands run up my back, holding me close as if I could run away any minute but there is nowhere else I would like to be now. I cannot refrain a moan when her lips find my jaw and brush over my neck: they burn on my skin and I wish she would never stop. Our kisses become more fervent and fierce as we backpedal down the corridor, bumping into the walls yet uncaring of anything else than the sudden fire consuming us. Élodie pulls me into what must be her room because she kicks the door shut and we soon tumble over a mattress. I fall on top of her, letting out a giggle. I go quiet when I meet her eyes. Illuminated only be the moon light she's the most enchanting vision I've ever seen. Her hair messy and sprawled beneath her, the ruby red of her lips so close I barely refrain myself from running a finger over them. She looks up at me, her eyes gleaming like stars. She reaches out and touches my cheek. She strokes it gently, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. She looks...in awe, vulnerable, adoring. For a moment I wonder if that's what lovers feel when they look at each other, when they lay in each other arms: a sweet ache of the heart, the purest amazement. "Kiss me again" I whisper, begging as a mendicant even if I don't need to. She finds my mouth again and again and runs her fingers through my hair. I place one hand on her chest and I feel her tremble imperceptibly at my touch. She suffocates a gasp against my lips while her heart hammers underneath my fingertips. I whisper her name this time and I kiss her jaw just like she did earlier, mirroring her moves. My hand runs down her side: I'm too lost in her to know what I'm doing. When I feel her knee beneath the fabric, I caress backwards up her tight, rising her skirt. That's when it happens. Élodie squirms and grabs my hand. She breaks the kiss and asks me to stop. Suddenly ashamed of my hunger, I retrieve my hand and prop myself up. My cheeks must turn crimson when I mutter my apologies. "I'm- I'm sorry, I thought you wanted it too" I let her space to move freely. Hiding her face from me, she sits on the edge of the bed for a moment, breathing hard. Then she stands. I sit and try to compose myself. "What I want....that's not the point" she sighs. "What do you mean?" I ask, confused. "Did I do something wrong?" She still gives me her shoulder. When she speaks again, she hangs her head, defeated. "This has nothing to do with you, Léa. God, no, if you only knew..." She sounds on the verge of tears but she must swallow them back because when she turns to face me her voice is less cracked even if she looks in pain. "Léa, I like you. Way more than I should and since the moment I bumped into you and you talked of fireworks. I gave you my handkerchief only as a mere expedient to see you again and you what you did? You turned it into a little work of art for me and you barely knew me back then. You have a kind word for everyone, you're helping your roommate in a moment of need without asking for anything in return. You're a good girl, one of the most honest girl I know and I..." She takes a deep breath before shaking her head forlornly. "You didn't even fully realise what happened at the Cage" I keep quiet for a moment then I speak, keeping my voice low and fiddling with the hem of a sleeve as a kid being scolded: "The gendarmes wanted to arrest everyone because there were...sapphics and men kissing other men. And people like Pierrette there" I say because I don't know if there are words for them that aren't insults. "...Yes" she confirms, meeting my gaze again. Seeing her now, one could doubt the very same girl was laughing and having a blast one hour ago or so. She looks so troubled, her eyes a mix of tenderness and sorrow. Guilt, maybe. "Léa, I...I would spend the night with you. You wouldn't even have to ask me. But-" she grimaces and my heart skips a beat, bracing for the worst. "What will happen when you hear that this is illegal, that people get sent to jail or the asylum -you remember? We joked about the asylum- for things like this? Because the authorities say it's like an...an illness, a taint-" "Why are you telling me all this?" I protest, standing too. "Because that's what happens out there! It took days to get Pierrette out of jail" she exclaims. "I should have never taken you there, I've been such a fool-" "You're a good girl too, Élodie" I interrupts her, reaching for her hand. "Don't tell me you doubt that" She looks down at our hands then meets my eyes, forlorn. "Am I though?" her sad smile pierces through my heart. "I almost got you arrested that night, little pearl. What would have your boss or your friends said if we hadn't been fast enough and those gendarmes had locked us in together with the others? You barely knew me back then, you would have hated me and I couldn't have blamed you" "But I don't hate you!" Now I am the one on the verge of crying. "We...we would have found a way out, I'm sure of that!" Élodie smiles at me, a weak pained smile. She retrieves her hand and caresses my cheek. "Maybe we would have, just like in one of those ballads chanteuses sing" she sighs. "But the truth is I care too much for you and so far I've only been a reckless fool, a selfish reckless fool. I could never forgive myself if you-" Words got stuck in her throat and she lowers her eyes for a moment. Then she presses a soft kiss on my forehead. "It's too late to walk the street alone at night. You can stay here tonight and...you can take the bed, I'll take the sofa" Having said that, she walks away. "Élodie, you don't have to...please, stay" I beg, hoping to stop her but when I turn she's already closing the door behind her. I consider the idea of running after her but I soon realise it would be absolutely pointless and I don’t want to make things worse. I stand for a moment, shaken. Then I lay down on the bed still warm of our embrace and look out into the night. The moon that made Élodie look even more beautiful and ethereal is still up there in the sky but now I'm alone. Silent tears rim my cheeks. I lay awake for hours, unable to sleep. For some reason I know that Élodie is doing the same.

#wlw writing #wlw writing project #wlw miniseries #lgbtq #wlw love #original work #paris #belle epoque

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askcarlislecullen · 4 years

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You make your family members attend the funerals of people they accidentally kill? 🤢 That’s kind of...mean. Especially since it was accident that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t change them...Did you make Esme do that too? Is it like when you rub a dogs nose in its pee after it pees on the floor kind of thing?

If I’m not mistaken, it seems Edward has been up to something somewhere, but I’m not entirely sure where and we are not, at the moment, on the same continent (he’s still in Europe, where Renesmee is finishing her internship year and I’ve returned to the US because the pandemic is raging here). He hasn’t updated his blog in years but it seems some of you are picking up new information from him somehow. It’s always slightly frustrating for me, please understand, because how Edward views who I am and what I do is always tainted by his very flat, if deeply admiring, view of me: he neither easily admits complexity, nor is he comfortable acknowledging how deeply and completely he is loved. Yet. The funerals. Yes, we go. I do not force anyone, and no, it is not “like rubbing a dog’s nose in its pee” which is both a disgusting analogy and, if I understand the dog training literature correctly, an ineffectual practice, and so would prove that it was the wrong thing to do even if it were analogous. So allow me to explain, and please forgive me for using language which may be a bit more canonically Christian than the language I most often use here. It’s impossible to explain this practice without explaining where it is rooted for me. Asking my children to attend the funerals likely looks like a practice which is rooted in an idea of sin and stingy forgiveness, when it is in effect, anything but. The Church, by which I mean both the Anglican Communion, which after all these years and my own tumultuous relationship with it, I still consider myself a part, and the Christian church more broadly is built on the idea of redemption. It is the whole point of the entire religion’s practice. In other faiths, wholeness with God, the Spirit, Mother Earth, or what that religion particularly names the unifying force is achieved through various means--understanding puzzles, spending time in nature, meditating deeply on ancient texts. Christianity, however, is built on the idea that first, one repents, and it is in that repentance that one is able to open oneself. So you’ll find that in the churches whose services are built on the Book of Common Prayer, often the service begins with a rite of repentance which these days reads something like, “We confess that we are in bondage to sin and cannot free ourselves.” When I was growing up, I was taught that this repentance was like a punishment. That I was impure, and that weekly, and sometimes daily, I was expected to atone for this impurity by confessing all that I had done wrong. I understood that as a very real, visceral way of keeping my soul out of what I imagined was quite literal hellfire--that God wanted me to repent because I was bad, and had done bad things, and that without that repentance, I could not have His forgiveness and that without that forgiveness, I would burn. Yet even though my father’s hatred ran deep, even as a human I was already struggling with the idea of this as being punishment. The Gospels are mostly about love, not damnation and rules. “Love one another as I have loved you” is the Great Commandment, not “Bow before me in guilt.” As I became an immortal, and my own sense of compassion strengthened, it became even harder to justify, and when I myself stepped into the role of father, it became impossible for me to imagine God as a parent who somehow wanted His children to suffer unless they did exactly as He said. It made no sense to me, and I was utterly unable to reconcile that view with the all-consuming love I felt for my own children. The Greek word used for Christian repentance is metanoia, which means a “changing of the mind” (think metamorphosis and paranoia). It’s a change in direction, a turning around from the direction in which you were going. As I’ve studied more of the historical and contemporary Christian mystics, I’ve found that many of them think of this changing direction in a way that is less about hellfire and damnation and more about finding the way back after sin has caused you to wander away. God’s love might be conceived as a map which charts the way back to that all-consuming love--a love that is always given, but can be hard to accept without a willingness to turn around. But you can’t use a map if you don’t know where you are, and it is in that act of repentance that we hit the metaphorical, “Find me” button and spin the GPS to pinpoint ourselves. Now, my children don’t all believe in God, and certainly not all to the same degree. But they have a love that I hope is a holy, eternal love, because of the way that I, and their mother, love them. So no, I don’t force any of my children to do anything. But I urge them to come with me to remember those whom they’ve killed, and they always do. Because they know that I want to help them find where they are, so that they can more easily use my love as their map to come back to wholeness.

#carlisle cullen #midnight sun

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new2otomelol · 4 years

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Maid to the Rescue - A KBTBB Fanfic

I have not posted in a looong time, but miss it! I will be going back, fixing some of my older posts (fix my writing, lol) I’m still not a great writer and being a teacher takes a lot of work, but this is a nice escape from the world every once in a while. This is for one of the awesome people that have read my stuff and liked it (a thousand thank yous!)

This story is developing and this is the first part. I don’t own the rights to Kissed by the Baddest Bidder, Voltage does. This is a fanfic for fun!

It has been a year since that fateful day in the lobby. God, my life was so different back then. I was always at the beck and call of “the boys” as I called them. My saviors as well as my proverbial pains in the rear. There are times I miss them, and others when I wish we could have all met under different circumstances.

You see, more than a year ago I use to be a maid at a famous hotel called the Tres Spades. A hotspot in Tokyo and one of the many business ventures of my former supposed boyfriend, Eisuke Ichinomiya.

My life was put in danger more times than what I would’ve liked during our pretend relationship; a situation that also opened up backlash from some of the employees at the hotel. Eisuke decided he didn’t want to see me suffer and thus ended our affair in grand-fashion in front of the staff and clients. This gesture alone successfully put an end to relentless bullying in less than a few seconds.

Even though I completely understood the situation and told myself countless of times that I was fine, it still hurt. Eisuke and I had gotten close during our time together and even felt like barriers he had put up were beginning to cease. But enough was enough, I was tired of being labeled “plain,” “stupid,” and other things by people. I wanted to feel like a person of worth that could stand on her own two feet. I took Eisuke’s breakup announcement as my chance to run and do what I have always neglected to do, self-care and growth.

That day, I stood up my co-worker on a date, packed my bags with only my essential needs, emptied my savings jar and fled. I tried to be smart about it, ditched my identity, left the money Eisuke had deposited in account untouched, destroyed my phone, you name it. I knew the boys would eventually seek me out, but I needed time.

I had made a friend through Chisato who helped me create a new identity and assisted me with finding a small place to live in that was well hidden. Eventually, Gage, as he called himself, had me join a few of his friends. Together we formed a small “gang” of sorts. Our activities may have not always been on the legal side of things, but they are just and necessary.

We have become a family and enjoy working with each other, but I know that eventually I have to go back to my old life and start anew. I’m no longer that shy girl who followed others blindly and gave up so much of herself. I’m strong, in fact, I always was; I just never could find the time to build my confidence. Those days are gone and I’m ready for what I must face.

I wipe the sweat off my brow as I wait on top of this old, dilapidated roof and stare at my computer screen. Enough reminiscing, time for action. “Siren! It’s time!” I hear the command through my earpiece and enter a code in the computer. “Entered, security systems are down, including firewall. Lucy, begin download.” I give the command and hear “roger!” from my friend Lucy. A beeping sound goes off on my computer 2 minutes later and I know our time is up. “Alright everyone, it’s 2:00 a.m. and as planned they have caught on. My location has been made, initiating cleanup sequence, let’s roll!”

I pull a tab on my computer that I had installed to a small little bomb, which I had put together and crafted into my laptop’s hard drive earlier in the day. My 20 second countdown begins as I reconnect my harness to the rope and slide down to another rooftop across the way. I enter the stairs through the roof access and quickly make my way down. Through the windows of the stairwell. I can see dark figures running towards the building I just had been in. Goodbye jerks! I’m gone and out of sight.

I take dark alley ways and finally make it to my scooter and drive away. I’ve gotten so used to the adrenaline rush of it all that I don’t panic anymore. A few minutes later I make it to the warehouse with all the others.

“Siren! Great job girl! We got the assholes!” Gage comes up to me and high fives me as I dismount my scooter. I take off my helmet and breathe in the air, letting that wonderful feeling of accomplishment settle in.

“I can’t believe that we were able to pull it off this time! Did Lucy download all the files we needed?” I ask and Gage smiles widely, “that and more my friend. We found that the company has a connection to a crazy cult-like organization called AID. We will unleash the company’s doings to the media and let that fire start and take over. We have finally avenged Nyx!” He starts to do his little victory dance around my scooter as the rest of the gang shows up.

Nyx is a fellow member of ours that had been employed by a major corporation. She was great at her job and handled the accounting for her employer. Unfortunately, the corporation went under new leadership and things went awry quickly. Looking for a scapegoat, they shifted the blame on our friend that we refer to as “Nyx” and she was arrested and charged. Tonight, we took the information we needed to clear her name and set her free.

We all move to the day room area and take a beer in celebration relaxing on our old worn-out couch. “Siren, I think it’s time for you to also clear your name and face your destiny.” Gage whispers to me as he takes a seat next to me. Of course, the others pick up what we are talking about and quickly get excited. “Yes Siren! It’s time for you to conquer your love!” Lucy states happily. I laugh and throw a pillow at her from the couch. “I know, I know and I feel ready to go back and face it all; but remember, I must do it on my own."

We continue to talk about plans that we’ve all made since we got to the sanctuary. Gage is a computer programming specialist and professor in real life. He took us in, taught us everything we know about computers, hacking, etc. Some of us in the group specialize in other things and so we learned from each other how to fight (thanks to "Net”), weaponry (thanks to “Lucy), languages (thanks to "Nikia”) and the hotel industry/customer relations, thanks to yours truly.

We’ve kept our names a secret from each other in order to teach ourselves to protect our identities. Not once have we ever revealed our real names, except to the professor, Gage.

Each one of us had a rough patch in life and ended up here. Once we solve our past issues and restore our names, we move on with our lives with the promise to help others along the way. A “pay it forward” if you will.

After an hour of celebrating we begin to head out to go home and rest. Gage taps me on the shoulder and asks me to stay behind to talk. “Lisa, listen, it’s been a year for you already and I agree with the rest of the family, it’s time for you to face your past.” I had a feeling he wouldn’t let the topic slide. “I know Gage, and trust me, I’ve been working on it.” Gage smiles and motions for me to follow him to the kitchen area where he makes some coffee for the both of us. “I’m sure you have researched your friends plenty and have prepared."

"Yes, I sure have. With the information from tonight, not only do we have evidence to free Nyx, but I have evidence to help out one of my friends and expose some of the corruption in his workplace. I also have found some other information about my ‘ex’ that tells me there is danger up ahead.” Gage sits back and sighs. “Oh sweetheart, there’s so much going on with each one of those men. In fact, I just found out something…” he’s cut off by the sound of the ringer coming from my burner phone. I gasp and look at the professor. “Answer it, quickly!”

Chisato’s ID appears on the screen and I immediately pick up. “Siren! Listen to me please. They’re all gone. Eisuke, Mamo, Baba, Soryu and Ota. We all thought they were on a trip, but it’s been two days!” The news hit me like a cold shower. “Chisato, please, calm down. I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon. Take the chip out of that phone, break it and the phone and throw it away. Don’t worry.” The call ends abruptly and I take a deep breath and look at Gage.

“Told you Lisa, it’s time. Do you know who you are up against?” Without a doubt I do. I feel my blood rush and my fists tighten. “Gage, I can do it. The masked man, AID, many of these people that the guys have come up against have one person in common, the Prime Minister.” Gage smiles and leans forward holding my hands. “We’ll help you with the evidence to take him down. Your friends won’t see the connection because they’re dealing with the middle-man again.” “Gage, I don’t want to get any of you in trouble…” he pats my hands. “Lisa, you know we’ll be completely anonymous when releasing the information and helping you. We’ll all be worried about you going in to the line of fire, but you’re the most skilled in sneaking around and fighting. I know you can do this!” The professor stands up, gives me a kiss on the forehead and puts up our empty coffee cups.

“Gage, I can’t ever begin to pay you back for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you, thank you so incredibly much for taking me under your tutelage and helping me grow.” I bow to him and he laughs. “Lisa, you’ve helped many people while being in this group and this isn’t goodbye dear. I may be in my 50’s, but I’m not dying yet.” I laugh and attack him with a hug. “No one will die, I’ll make sure of it.”

He pats my back and releases me from the hug. “Okay sweetheart, go get some rest and get ready, tomorrow is another day!” ************************************ Back in Tokyo…. “Eisuke! Wake up, come on! Shake it off! Damn this shit!” Soryu curses as he struggles against his tight restraints. “S…Sor… what the fuck is going on?” States Baba as he begins to wake up from his drug induced stupor. “I don’t know, but it looks like we were all drugged at the party and here we are. Who the fuck could havd done this?”

“Maybe it was one of your gang rivals Sor” said Ota as he licked his dry lips and shook his head in an effort to re-stabilize his sight. “Not one of mine; this is not their typical ammo.” Rustling noises come from one of the corners of their dark enclosure. “Nah kid, at this stage, it could be either Baba or Eisuke’s enemies. What the actual fuck did they give us? My head is 'bout to rip the fuck open!” Groans come from the center of the room as Eisuke comes to. “What the fuck?” Soryu rolls his eyes, “we just established that part. Do you have any bad deals going on right now? Anything we should know?” Eisuke shakes his head and tries to re-moisturize his dry mouth. “The usual. Maybe that masked freak is at it again? Whoever it is, I wasn’t anticipating this, and usually I can see it a mile away. This is bigger.”

“For sure it wasn’t me. I’ve been in France for a month” said Baba. “Well, whoever the fuck it is, they have a flair for the dramatic. They should have just taken us out of the equation if they were able to get all of us.” stated Eisuke. The lights turned on and the mens’ eyes sting with the introduction of the harsh brightness. “So you are awake, perfect! I’ll notify the boss soon.” Said a man with a familiar voice as he entered the large warehouse area. The men re-adjust their sight and look upon their captor. “I called it! Masked dude it is!” said Ota. “Oh buddy, I’ve been nothing but a pawn in this and will continue to be to fulfill my boss’s every desire. Unfortunately, he’s been a busy body, so I will entertain you until he’s ready. Continue to enjoy your accommodations men, you’re here for the long haul.” The man laughs and quickly walks away leaving the bidders in their metal chairs with what seems to be mechanized handcuffs, the likes they had never seen before.

#kbtbb #kbtbbfanfic #eisuke #soryu #mamoru

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talesofafangirlwithadvr · 4 years

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JULY PICKS!

You heard me correctly, I said JULY! Whoosh, this year is going by fast-but not in a good way if you know what I mean. This will be my last monthly wrap up where I am strictly staying home in quarantine as this upcoming week I’m heading back to work in person. Wish me luck!

We had quite the range this month from newly released, reality, musical and then some favorites from last month that I’ve continued watching. Without further ado here we go....

There’s going to be PLENTY of SPOILERS this go round. ESPECIALLY with my first pick of Stargirl. You’ve been warned!!!

DC’S STARGIRL

I need to talk about 1x10 or I’m going to burst!!! As stated above there will be A LOT of SPOILERS IN THIS POST!! So scroll down to the next picture if you don’t want it to be spoiled.

You’ve been warned...again.

IT CANNOT END LIKE THAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Henry! Wow! 1) Epic fighting 2) The backstory and how he wasn’t going to give up on his dad AND THEN how he wouldn’t give into his dad. 3) HE DIED RATHER THAN JOIN HIS SIDE OR PRETEND (which I honestly felt was going to happen). His character arc and I can’t believe it’s over!!! 4) His speech at the end: *weeping.* I knew Brainwave was going to say he killed his mother. It just felt like the build up. Brainwave Jr. would have been a GREAT ADDITION TO THE JSA! AND OMG THE WAY THE REST OF THEM FOUGHT FOR HIM! I loved how they framed it so you could still see them in the back when Henry spoke to his father. Super heartbreaking. Man, it feels like a lot of people have been killed off this first season (or am I just still thinking about Joey?)

Side note: Check out the Instagram Live between father and son Brainwave on Stargirl’s CW page. Jake Austin Walker did an AWESOME interview in his take over.

This was one of the strongest episodes overall and definitely one of my favorites so far. I agree with many others that while it is SOO GOOD and I want to rewatch it again, I don’t know if I can emotionally yet. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way about a show.

Some other thoughts this episode: WAY TO GO BARBARA! Way to record them to translate later (such an awesome app btw, how do I get it?). I’m glad her and Pat came more to an understanding because I love them especially with that glimpse into how they met. Jordan’s parents give me the creeps, like the couple from The Visit vibes. I feel like Mike’s got to find out ASAP, especially because he’s spent time in the garage. Something’s got to show him the truth; because I’m really feeling he figures it out rather than being told. Very curious to see what his reaction will be. SOLOMON GRUNDY. Thank God Beth talked Rick down. She really is like Chuck in being the voice of reason. She did really well in the cafeteria too. While I still don’t believe Starman is Courtney’s dad, how cute was it when she put together her and Henry were cousins? Speaking of Court’s dad, who else didn’t feel like Starman was her dad until they saw that upcoming promo? I don’t know who that impostor is but he is not her dad. Something’s fishy.

Loving this show. So happy it’s renewed for a second season!!

THE 100

From a show I can’t get enough of to one whose final season is a disappointment. I’m not going to spend too much time talking about The 100 because I feel I’ll just be repeating myself from previous posts. However, I did want to include it because I haven’t spoken much about the previous 2 episodes that I wound up watching back to back and I didn’t overly dislike them.

As many have complained, when you have a final season you shouldn’t introduce SO MANY new characters and just push aside your originals (or the ones who are left). You also shouldn’t include so many confusing plots that are making it look like were the main points overall (like this many world concept was around since the first grounders) and playing with time in so many episodes is hard to keep up with too. Having so many people separated makes it difficult to remember what just happened to this specific group because I haven’t seen them in forever. ANYWAY, I did promise some positives. I didn’t except to like 7x08 because of it being a flashback episode with brand new people that was just going to feel like a potential spin-off pilot. Well...I actually really enjoyed it and the concept that the bunker was used before One Crew. The characters were easy to like and it was cool seeing Allie again (and this time not as the villain). While it felt forced including the orb (is that what it’s called? If not that’s what I’m calling it), but I liked how all the other pieces fit together (ex: the flame, the grounders’ language). Honestly, I surprise myself to say this, but I’d watch another episode. For 7x09, I liked being on Bardo and watching Octavia, Echo, Diyoza and Hope slowly get “brainwashed” I mean trained. We all knew it wouldn’t work for Hope and if I was them I would rather be on Sky Ring than Bardo (but then I guess I’d go crazy, so...) I enjoy the Octavia and Levitt relationship and would love them to work out, but if this show taught you anything it’s to be skeptical. I also want to shift to the Primes plot, just to showcase John Murphy for a second. THAT MAN! What a character development he’s had on this show. From the first season where I was like come on Murphy to now me awaiting his scenes. From cockroach to someone who won’t view himself as a hero. So good and something that is fantastic about this final season. They might have forgotten about other characters, but they’re doing it right by Murphy.

Well, that was more than I was expecting. ;)

THE CIRCLE

It feels like I haven’t watched a lot of reality TV this year, which makes sense because of our quarantine situation (but then again I’m watching World of Dance, but that’s a different because it’s more of a competition/dance show. I’ll stop rambling). The Circle is a reality ‘game’ show that could be easily completed during quarantine and social distancing because the contestants do not see each other in person. They each have an apartment in this complex and only communicate with each other on a social media platform called the Circle. The objective is to become the most popular and an influencer who gets power over who stays and who goes in the competition. There’s some side contests throughout, but most of the show is just people chatting through an insta messenger and trying to learn as much as they can. Alliances are formed and cat fishes try to thrive all for the grand prize of $100,000. (Wow, that’s a lot!) It is SUPER addicting and very funny. Having a voice-over narrator really makes it even funnier because she says what we’re all thinking. Just about every episode a contestant leaves and then is able to meet one other person in their apartment. It’s been cool seeing their reactions as oftentimes it’s someone they did not expect AT ALL. I can’t wait to finish it. If you’re a fan of Big Brother than this is definitely for you. Looks like there will be a second season, which I am excited about.

THE BABYSITTERS CLUB

Jumping from one Netflix show to another. Released on Netflix on July 3rd, I tried not to binge it all in one day because then it would be over (and we still don’t know if there will be a second season yet). This is definitely my feel good watch for July. If you want something that’s a quick watch and just wholesome and fun to escape our current world than this is for you. I always felt so happy after watching and couldn’t wait to watch another. While I was familiar with the franchise--the 90s movie and of course the books (although I was more of a Babysitter Little Sister fan, so I was very excited to see Karen), you don’t have to have any knowledge of the Babysitters Club to enjoy this show. I was hooked just about right away by this new series shown by me watching the first three episodes back to back. I really like how they set up each episode with one girl as the main focus (just like in the books) where she takes over the voice-over narration. Great representation and made modern to fit in with our current times. The first example that comes to mind is when Mary Ann babysits Bailey who is transgender. I liked how Bailey says those are her old clothes while they’re playing. It’s shown in a way that explains the situation without feeling like a lecture. It fits so naturally into the episode. And then Mary Ann’s speech at the hospital is super powerful for both Bailey and herself. This is just one example of how well represented this show is. Extremely strong cast and actresses who are the proper ages. I also love the adult casting and how they threw in a Clueless reference from Alicia Sliverstone (who plays Kristy’s Mom). As someone who is writing for this age group, I really liked hearing and seeing how authentic this show is.

FEEL THE BEAT

A Netflix original movie that has been on my list for a while that I just got around to watching. It didn’t come out too long ago. In the film, Sofia Carson’s character is a dancer who is a perfectionist. She gets on the bad side of a big NYC producer when she not only leaves her in the rain as she steals her taxi, but also knocks her, accidentally, off stage and becomes a viral video-this basically blackmails her in Broadway. This all happens within about the first 10 minutes of the film and the majority takes place back in her small home town (very Hallmark-like) in Wisconsin. While there her old dancing teacher wants her to share her Broadway wisdom with her young students. Meanwhile Carson has only been a chorus girl, so she doesn’t really have any. What draws her to helping the young girls is the chance to perform in front of a big choreographer that could get her to be the star she always dreamed of. The catch is that it’s the teacher dance in the childrens dance competition. While this might sound like a movie you’ve watched many times before, it was still worth it and a really fun watch. I think the kids really make the movie. They are adorable, funny and super talented. You feel connected with them really fast and want to see them succeed. I loved Dickie and how he joined the group. I think he was my favorite overall. I loved how inclusive the cast was here too (just like BSC) from a mixed race family, to single parents and even a student who was Deaf. It was great seeing the other actors sign to her. Carson’s character, April, can be annoying at times, but you understand it’s her character and something she needs to overcome. As I said before the plot may seem familiar, but the ending was something I didn’t see coming. Overall, wholesome, feel good and fun for the whole family. You can consider to watch while babysitting. (See what I did there??)

VIOLETTA SEASON 2

She’s back! I know last month when I included Violetta it was mainly me being excited to see the second season FINALLY streaming on Disney Plus. I had watched a few episodes (remember there’s 80 altogether, so even if I watched 20 that’s still very early on and just a dent in the season) and was still getting used to this season. Well, now I’m happy to report I am in the 40s and more than half way. For a bit I was watching many of these episodes a day, which told me that I was loving it again. Recently, I feel I need a little more of a push to watch, but it’s mainly because of certain story-lines that feel like they’re dragging. (For example: Violetta’s voice. One minute it’s fine and the next she’s like dying). For this section I have two words: LOVE TRIANGLES. And I’m not just talking about Violetta, Diego and Leon. For a bit it felt like each character had their own love triangle, which honestly I was loving. These characters have definitely developed a lot from last season, which allows this to happen. Olga was in a love triangle, which just recently got resolved. I think German is still in one because of his alter ego Jeremias. Jackie was “kind of” in one. For her it was more of a misunderstanding, which is very classic on this show. Lots more secrets have been uncovered in these episodes as well as songs! You know how excited I am for those. Overall, I think I’m still enjoying season 1 songs more (which get referenced enough in this season), but some of the season 2 ones are really growing on me. Specifically Leon’s Entre dos mundos and when he sings with Diego Euphoria in English. Also, Yo Soy Asi has been real catchy. I know Frederico will be coming back soon and I can’t wait to see him again!

HAMILTON

Like many I watched Hamilton this month-actually on the day it came out. It’s been a musical that I’ve been intrigued by, but never thought I’d get a chance to watch because of how popular and expensive it is to see on Broadway. So, I was very excited to hear I’d get the chance when it was to be released in theaters for a special event. Then because of Corona it was released to Disney Plus, which was EVEN more convenient and exciting. I really enjoyed it and watched it twice within the same week. I immediately downloaded the playlist and started singing it around the house. I do this a lot with many of the plays I see, but depending how good they are is shown by how long I listen to the soundtrack. (Some of my top ones are Bandstand, Once, Newsies and Anastasia.) Because there are so many songs in Hamilton it is taking me a little longer to know all the words, but I feel pretty confident with the first act. It was the perfect timing for this to be released on Disney Plus. Not only because it was July 3rd, but also because of the world we are living in. Lin’s diverse cast brings to life the world of 1776 and the revolutionary war (as well as the time after it), but it’s such a strong commentary on our world today. This is something I am continually noticing with historical dramas/pieces being released within the last 5-10 years. It feels like there’s more we can say in this genre than in a commentary piece. I also like all the analysis videos I’ve seen popping up, which just make it even more powerful. (Like it being Eliza’s story and her putting herself back in the narrative. That the play Hamilton is named for both her and Alexander.) I don’t know if all of what I see were intentional, but either way well done. I hope it doesn’t leave Disney Plus soon.

1917

And lastly, 1917. I promised quite the range this month and you can see that’s definitely the case. I always enjoy watching war films and with 1917 there was so much hype (both before it came out and after) that I was interested to give it a watch. Giving the movie to my dad for father’s day felt like the perfect excuse to be able to watch it. Even though our DVD stuck in a few places (still don’t know if it was the player or the DVD itself), the film was very entertaining and I would suggest it to anyone who is a history/film buff. Taking place in WWI, we follow two British soldiers as they attempt to deliver a message about an upcoming ambush that could take countless lives. I feel that I often watch more films revolving around WWII, so it was very interesting to be immersed in the first great war. After watching I am not surprised that the film was up for so many Oscars. While cinematography is the first thing everyone discusses when it comes to this movie (and it should be because the one shot/long shot is sooo impressive and beautiful to watch. It really brings you into the scene and has a way of making you feel like you’re there too. There’s a realness to it that’s raw and new compared to other war films I’ve watched in the past), there’s so much more to this film too. First, I like how it connects back to Sam Mendes’ grandfather, so while it’s not a true story it has real facts in it. I LOVE the score and music to this film. In the scene where George Mackay runs at night through those ruined buildings I could really hear how well the music worked with the action. Because of this I made sure to listen to some of the soundtrack and now I’ve added some of the songs into my writing playlist. I have chills just thinking about it. The other point I want to bring up is the cast! While there are SO MANY big names in this film from Colin Firth to Benedict Cumberbatch, the two main characters are played by George Mackay and Dean Charles Chapman and they are the ones with the most screen time. If their chemistry and acting wasn’t so great then the movie wouldn’t be as successful as it is. Because of this I have been watching non-stop YouTube interviews of the two of them for this film.

They are so well-spoken, stand-up guys and I can’t get enough of their dialogues with each other and others. (You should watch these interviews too). While familiar with Chapman’s time on Game of Thrones, I haven’t seen him in much else, so I’m excited to see what he’ll have in the future (as well as checking out his IMDB page). For Mckay, I’ve seen him before when I just watched Ophelia earlier this summer so that was my first time watching him act. After that film I was curious what else he was in, but it was only after 1917 that I started doing more research. So far, I’ve only been able to watch the short film he was in called Infinite. While only 17 minutes it was very strong and deep. I highly recommend. As I’ve shared on this page already, in another post, the more I hear him talk the more of a crush I am developing. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced a celebrity crush this strong so soon. This quarantine has to end so I can make it to England to just casually bump into him like one does. :)

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Fresh out of college, your life is finally going to blossom into something more meaningful than college day drinking and late-night study sessions. Or so you thought. Unlikely events result in you having a big ass crush on your next-door neighbour. Maybe, you weren’t as grown-up as you thought you were.

Y/N x BAEKHYUN

Life after college AU (if that’s a thing)

First part 7k words

Second and final part will also have 7k

There aren’t enough Baekhyun stories on this damn website, so I decided to make something myself. English isn’t my first language, so please bear with me for the next twenty minutes or so because you are about to read my struggle to write my love for Baekhyun, part one.

second part / third part

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First act: stating the facts of an ordinary life.

You were never really the type to dive into the unknown, so you’d rather overthink and play safe to give your mind a rest — overthinking results living in a small but cute apartment while having a low and steady income. That’s why you’re at your friend’s apartment, which is much more beautiful than yours, drinking wine while you whine about your life.

“I feel like I’m waiting for something better.” You confess while taking the first sip of the cheap wine you brought.

“If you feel like this, why don’t you just act on it?” Soya, the friend with the beautiful apartment, asked you with a subtle hint of annoyance.

“Don’t be like that. I’m not in the mood for a lecture.”

“You’re never in the mood for anything except drinking wine.” She whined while you poured your second glass of the evening. You were going to regret this speed of drinking in the morning. College-you could handle all kinds of liquor, but working-you is always a mess the following day, even after one glass of wine.

“I think that drinking wine is a very healthy way to deal with things. I could go blackout drunk every Thursday night, or I could take drugs, you know.” But you didn’t know. Maybe getting drunk and meeting new friends wouldn’t be so bad.

“Or you could look for another job with a better income and health insurance.” She harshly stated. “But I’m glad you’re not getting drunk in a smelly club because if you fell, you wouldn’t be able to afford your hospital bills.”

“Noted.” You weren’t in the mood for a lecture tonight. What is wrong with merely drinking and talking about cute guys while watching bad movies on Netflix?

“Or you could at least install tinder and just have sex with a handsome stranger to get rid of this foul mood you’ve been in.” She studied your reaction while sipping from her wine tentatively.

“I’d rather not sleep with a stranger, but also noted.”

“Why not that guy from work you’re always hanging out with?” Someone is trying to push your limits tonight and that someone is named Soya.

“He’s just a friend, Soya. Chanyeol is becoming a trustworthy friend in an office filled with bitches and snitches.” She doesn’t understand how women in an office job play. They work through compliments with hidden meanings that are not always nicely hidden.

“Some friendships have benefits, you know.” She winked at you, and you almost threw up. Like hell you would ever fall into this trap of insecurity and lose strings.

“Yes, I know how you and Taehyung work.” You bit back, and she fell silent for a good minute, you savoured it.

“Taehyung and I are trying to date.” She didn’t make any eye contact with you, so you understood it must not be going well.

“And how is that working out?” The room was quiet except for Soya nervously fiddling with her empty glass.

“Slow.” She finally stated while you filled her glass.

“I see.”

“I’m not in the mood for a lecture tonight.” And you couldn’t agree with her more. Tonight was not the night for a heavy therapy session where both of you got too drunk and too emotional to function.

“That’s what I said.”

“Let’s watch that new crappy movie as we’re both not in the mood for our needed therapy session.” The TV turned on, and she was already browsing through Netflix.

“So you admit you need to re-evaluate your relationship with Taehyung?”

“Yes, but not tonight.”

“Same for me, but I also don’t feel like watching a movie. I need to go home and work on that stupid ass presentation I don’t want to make.”

“Then don’t and stay here.” She pleaded.

“And risk losing my job?” That was never an option. You need that job to maintain your low-class life-style.

“Would that be so bad?” Soya dared to ask you.

“I can’t leave Chanyeol alone with these predators.” Your shoes were on, and your coat was just an arm-length away, you were ready to leave.

“I think he manages them better than you.”

“Maybe so, but I’m still leaving.”

“Text me when you get home. It’s already dark.”

“I will. Don’t call Taehyung.”

“Don’t do that presentation.”

“Soya, don’t compare me doing a necessarily presentation for work with you banging Taehyung.” Annoyance barely hidden in your voice.

“I’m sorry Y/N, you are right.” She must have detected your mood and dropped the whole thing with an apology you gladly accepted.

“Love you.” You called out while walking out of the door.

“Always.” She yelled before closing the door, and you started to make your way home.

Almost every time you left Soya’s place, you walked the same route thinking about the stuff you both talked about. Tonight is no different. It wasn’t a secret you weren’t happy with your job, but it did pay the bills. Isn’t this what everyone after college goes through? Isn’t this what being a grown-up is like? Well, it really sucks if this is it.

You were so caught up in your world that you didn’t notice the man standing still at the entrance of your apartment building. Your body crashed right into him, and you both almost fell over, but luckily the door made sure the both of you didn’t.

“Oh, god, I am so sorry. I wasn’t looking or paying attention.” You hurriedly apologized. Eye contact was something you were not able to do when you were embarrassed, so you tried to look at anything but him.

“It is okay. I also apologize for…” He started to apologize too, and his voice caught you off guard. You made the mistake of looking into his eyes and both of you fell quiet for a short moment. “for standing still.” He finished off his apology. Both of your cheeks were flushed, and both of you didn’t know what to do. You quickly tried to compose yourself.

“What were you even doing here?” The realization hit you. A strange man you had never seen was just standing in front of your apartment building in the dark. This is not where romantic movies begin, but horrors start.

“I recently moved in, well actually I moved in today, and I couldn’t open the doors.” He quickly explained himself while showing you his keys, and you immediately recognized the big brown key.

“Oh, that also took me a while to get used to.” You laughed while taking the keys out of his hand. “The trick is to not push the key in completely.” You explained, while showing him how to open the door.

“Ok.” He voiced uncertain, and you couldn’t help but find his insecurity endearing. The men in your life never showed their insecurity and flaws all for the sake of being a man.

“Now it’s your turn.” You handed him back the keys while the doors closed themselves. He visibly swallowed and tried to open the door while you were looking intently. His keys were making a lot of noise but not the kind of click-sound you want to hear while opening a door.

“No, you should…” you started to explain, but your hands were quickly over his taking control. He really has beautiful hands, but you tried to shake it off. It is not that he is the only man with delicate hands that seemed to be made to play the piano. His hands seemed to be carefully sculpted by God himself. Your thoughts were rudely interrupted by the clicking sound of the lock.

“Oh, I see what you mean now.” You noticed your hands were still on his and you quickly withdrew them.

“Not that hard right?” You smiled shyly at him and he returned you with a breathtaking smile, perfect with teeth on full display.

“Definitely not. Thank you for helping me.”

“I’m glad to help. I wish someone taught me this trick sooner. I had to learn this by secretly observing people entering the building.” That was only a few months ago, and you silently laughed at the idiocy.

He opened the door for you and both of you made your way toward the elevator in silence. It wasn’t necessarily an awkward silence, but it also wasn’t enjoyable. And if there is one thing you’re good at, it is making awkward conversation.

“So…” you started softly while pushing a lost stray of hair back behind your ear. “How do you like it so far?” You cringed mentally at your awkwardness.

“I’ve only been here for a couple of hours…” he said, and you mentally slapped yourself at your stupid question “… but I like it so far.”

“That’s good.” You awkwardly said while entering the elevator first.

“Which floor?” He asked you politely while pressing floor seven.

“Same floor apparently.”

“What a coincidence.” What a coincidence indeed, like you were stuck in the most cliché movie ever.

“Do you have any more tips and tricks?” He asked you when the elevator signalled your floor.

“Not really, but maybe stay away from floor five. It has an old lady who likes younger men. You’re exactly her type.” You told him while walking out of the elevator to your apartment.

“What’s her type like?” He asked with a wiggle of bis eyebrows.

“Cute young men with a sparkle in their eyes.”

“So you think I’m cute?”

“I think you know you’re cute.” You were trying to be indifferent. It doesn’t do to let someone with an ego like his know how much power he has.

“So you think I have a sparkle in my eyes?” He tried again.

“I think you really shouldn’t go to floor five, but you can do whatever.”

“Nice to meet you…” He held out his hand for you to shake and you shyly accepted.

“Yes, indeed. It was nice to meet you too.” You told him hurriedly while trying to open your door.

“I was trying to get your name.” He silently confessed.

“It is on my doorbell. I hope you can read.” And that was the last thing you said before you slammed your door shut. You heard him shuffle at your door and you could be mistaken, but you almost heard him whisper your name.

Second act: what is this feeling that I’m feeling?

Your mornings were always the same routine, and if anything were slightly off, your day would be ruined. The sound of your alarm usually wakes you up, and you don’t snooze, snoozing is for the weekend. Making your way to the kitchen, you start to boil your water for a perfect cup of coffee. When your coffee is ready, you make your way to the bathroom for a quick shower. Your coffee has almost always the ideal temperature when you get out of your shower. It depends if you put on a hair mask or not.

Next half hour is devoted to simple make-up and deciding what outfit you want to wear. The only good thing about your job is that they don’t force you to wear up-tight office outfits. As long as you cover up and don’t wear stuff that’s too weird, you’re good to go.

When you’re all finished, you throw everything you might need in your bag and put your empty cup in the dishwasher. Usually, you’re five minutes late, so that’s why you’re always rushing out of your apartment. Today was no different. You were going to have to speed walk to your favourite bakery if you wanted one of their delicious treats for breakfast.

“Morning Y/N.” A strange voice greeted you.

“Morning?” You hesitantly greeted the other person. It didn’t surprise you that it was your cute new neighbour from last night. He seemed amused by your shyness, but you weren’t going to let it bother you. Going to the bakery was your only and most important priority this morning.

Both of you got in the crowded elevator in silence. Your arm was touching his, and you couldn’t focus on anything but him. He was looking at something on his phone, and you could finally admire his face. His hands were already approved and marked of good quality, but his face was something else. Last night you didn’t get the chance to really see his features in the dark. He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks, the sudden pause in a person’s expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a calm gaze and a weak smile.

“Are you ok?” His tone filled with worry and his gaze intently fixed on you. You must have zoned out or something because suddenly you arrived at the ground floor and you barely remember standing in the elevator.

“Yes, I’m all good.” You whispered while walking out, and he was quick to follow so he could open the door for you.

“Have a nice day Y/N.”

“You too.” And you finally realized you didn’t even know his name. You made a mental note to look for clues of what his name could be. Hopefully, he also put on his first name on his doorbell, but you had a feeling he didn’t.

The rest of your morning went smoothly. With your favourite pastry in your left hand, while the other carried a large coffee, you walked right on time into the office. You greeted a couple of people with your perfectly practised fake smile, but there was only one person who deserved your real smile; Chanyeol.

“Look who made it on time?” He said while standing up, ready to hug your morning blues away.

“Aren’t you proud of me?” Your coffee and pastry were placed on your desk so you could return his hug with as much enthusiasm.

“I’m always proud of you, especially when you decide to wear a matching outfit.” He could barely contain his laughter, remembering your blue leggings and yellow sweater from last week. It wasn’t your best day.

“That was one time, and I had a hangover. Please forget dark Wednesday.”

“If I could have a bite of that, I’ll consider it.” He couldn’t take his eyes off your pastry, so you just threw it at him and mouthed the words’ keep it’.

“You’re like an angel in disguise.”

“I don’t feel like I’m in disguise.”

“Don’t push it, though.” He said with his mouthful.

“I would never.” You ended the conversation while wiping some crumbs of Chanyeol’s mouth. He is like a big baby that needs to be mothered all the time.

“Y/N be ready in five.” Your boss called out through the whole office, and that was your cue to leave and fuck up your presentation you barely finished last night. You really wanted to be a grown-up when you were younger, well, you got what you wanted.

—

“And that’s how we are going to attract more overseas customers to ship their goods with us. With just a little change in our program, we can be more competitive and grow more into a nationwide company.” You finished your presentation. “I thank you all for listening, and if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“That was clear as crystal. We’ll be taking this into account when we have the next manager’s meeting. Thank you, Y/N.” Your boss ended the presentation. Everyone quickly gathered their things and made their way out of the meeting room until you were left alone with the mess. You massaged your temples, trying to rub the stress away and it most definitely wasn’t helping.

“Do you need some help cleaning up?” Chanyeol asked you gently, startling you. A simple nod was sufficient for him to start helping you. You picked up all glasses and empty coffee cups on a large tray and made your way toward the kitchen to put them in the dishwasher. Chanyeol cleaned all the mess that these rude people left.

“I think that is all.” You simply stated while simultaneously checking every corner of the large meeting room.

“I think it’s in a better state than when you entered it this morning if I’m honest,” Chanyeol said while placing some of the cleaning products in a random cabinet.

“Maybe we overdid it with the vacuuming?” You questioned while crossing your arms.

“Better safe than sorry.” He shrugged.

“True words.”

“I can’t help but notice you still being stressed out even after your presentation. I’m meeting up with a couple of friends tonight. Come with us?” He sat on the table in front of you, so he wasn’t towering over you, but at eye level. You looked into his questioning eyes and you couldn’t help but notice how good-looking he actually was. Soya’s idea didn’t seem that bad except for the fact that he was your co-worker and it was strictly forbidden.

“I don’t know them, and they don’t know me, won’t that be awkward?” You asked him unsure, showing your awkwardness by shifting your weight.

“They already know a lot about you, as I can’t stop talking about how fun you are. And you already know al lot about them, as I can’t stop talking about my friends.”

“Did you tell them about my mismatch hangover outfit?”

“I might have, but they have already forgotten all about it.”

“Did you show them the picture you took that day?” You asked with a pout.

“Some of them might have seen it.” He confessed while avoiding eye contact.

“Normally I would be mad, but I really need a drink. Text me the time and address, and I’ll be there.” You finally agreed to his plans.

“That’s my girl.” That was the last thing he said before leaving you alone in the empty meeting room. Your phone started buzzing, notifying you had a new message.

Chanyeol: Bar Temple at 6ish

You: noted!

It was already past four because of your stupid ass presentation, so you decided to call it a day. You only knew of Chanyeol friends through his stories, and they were usually pretty wild, so you decided you needed maximum prepare time. Maybe you also needed someone to babysit you?

You: You want to go out with me, my fun colleague and his stranger friends?

Soya: yes?

You: It’ll be fun, please?

Soya: ok

You: my place at five to get ready

Soya: I’m going to regret this

You: Me too, but I really need a drink

Soya: You always need a drink

You: so do you

Soya: I can hide anything from you

Soya: See you in a bit

You put your phone away, so you can search for your keys in your oversized bag. You can indeed put anything in it, even two bottles of wine, but you’re never able to find your keys.

“Do you need some help?” The handsome neighbour asks you with his keys ready.

“Are you waiting when I get home or something? This is getting strange.”

“If you don’t need help, you can keep looking for your keys while I enter the warm building.” He says while he opens the door very carefully.

“You’ve been practising.” You remark when he holds the door for you.

“Your tip was extremely helpful.” His hand combs nervously through his thick black hair, and you suddenly have to fight the urge to run your own hands through his hair. From the look of it, his hair looks really soft and just the perfect length to run your fingers through it.

“You’re welcome.”

The elevator doors open and you both get in, both of you wanting to push the correct button. Your hands brush over his, and you feel the blood rushing to your face. He chuckles and pushes the button while you remove your hand from his. His hand felt soft under yours, and you can’t stop yourself imaging how his hands would feel over your body.

The silence was disturbed by you nervously fidgeting, and the handsome stranger softly humming to some melody.

“How was work?” He finally asks you after a moment of awkward silence.

“The honest answer or the polite answer?” The elevator doors open and you make your way toward your door.

“Whatever you want to give me.” He says while leaning against the wall next to your door.

“I’m drained, and I’m really looking forward to drinking tonight.” You enthusiastically confessed to him. Your hands shot up to your mouth, as you couldn’t believe what you had just said. Now he must think you’re an alcoholic.

“I completely understand.” He laughs while leaving you to find your keys in peace.

“See you later Y/N.”

“What’s your name?” You suddenly ask him, which resulted in him turning back around.

“Oh, now, you ask?” He asked with a look of mischief.

“Better late than never?”

“True. But I’m still not giving it to you. I had to find it out myself, and you can do the same.” He finally said before entering his apartment and leaving you speechless. Was it that difficult for him to give you his name?

“What are you doing outside your door staring at the unknown?” Soya asked, exiting the elevator.

“I was trying to remember where I put my keys.” You quickly made up a lie. You weren’t going to tell her your handsome neighbour left you speechless and that you had to recover for a couple of minutes. You don’t even remember how long you have been standing there.

“Let me check for you.” She offered while taking the bag out of your hand. “Your bag is always such a mess.” She continued.

“So, tell me about his friends,” Soya said when you both entered your apartment safely.

“I don’t know a lot, but I know they’re crazy but kind-hearted people.” You actually didn’t what kind of people they were.

“What do you mean by crazy?” She asked you while walking toward your bathroom.

“They like to drink and go on adventures together.” You said while pouring the both of you a drink, you smiled at the irony.

“What kind of adventures?”

“I don’t know a lot, but I know Chanyeol got to work one day with, his words, the most terrible hangover recorded in human history thanks to his friends.” You said while entering the bathroom with two glasses in your hands. Soya gladly accepted your drink before removing all make-up off her face.

“Did he explain why?”

“Probably, but I already forgot.” You silently confessed. You weren’t the best to remember every story someone told you. When Chanyeol told you his story, he had only started working at your company, and you weren’t as close as now.

“What are you going to do with your face?” Soya asked you, changing the subject forcefully.

“I thought about re-applying a little bit of mascara and lipstick.”

“Add eyeliner and your good to go, and your foundation is still looking fresh. I cried at work today, so I really need to re-apply.” She quickly explained herself while dabbing something on her face.

“Taehyung?” Soya only cried when he was involved. Did you hate that guy.

“Maybe.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really, but if there are cute guys tonight, I’m not going to hold myself back because of Taehyung.”

“So things are going well, it seems.” The eyeliner seems to be a bigger problem than you anticipated.

“He thinks we’re still in college and this kind of behaviour is normal. He keeps sucking me in with his beautiful words and good-looks.” She stopped doing her make-up to look at herself. She looked tired.

“He’s really handsome, but that’s all there is to him.”

“Yeah, but the sex is also outstanding, so it proves to be more difficult to just stop it.” Her eyes seemed sad, and you just wanted to hug her problems away, but that is something that you can’t do. That’s not how life works.

“I understand, I’m here for you when you’re ready to end it.” Your hand was on her shoulder for support.

“Thanks, Y/N.” Her head fell, and you really wanted to beat up Taehyung at that moment.

“I’m also here for you if you decide to stay with him after you both talked things out. Do what you think is best, not what I think is best.” Your eyes found hers, and she showed you the first real smile of the night.

“I appreciate this. Tonight is going to be fun.” And off she went doing her make-up like everything was fine even though it wasn’t. You both quickly finished your make-up, this was usually the easiest moment of the night. Choosing the right outfit seemed to be a more difficult task. Both of you never agreed what the other wanted to wear.

“You always wear black.” She complained for the tenth time that night.

“But I look good in black.”

“Ok, that is true, but you also look excellent in these blue jeans.”

“I’ve never really worn them before.” You confessed while admiring your ass in said jeans.

“I could tell, the tag is still on. Why did you buy them?”

“No idea.” You simply shrugged.

“I think you should wear these jeans. Just match it with your favourite black shirt and leather jacket, and you’re done.” That didn’t seem like a bad idea. After all, Chanyeol had only ever seen you in your work appropriate outfits, and to be honest, they were almost always black.

“I agree with this outfit, but only if you wear the little black dress.”

“It’s way too fancy for bar hopping.” She told you while making an ‘X’ with her arms.

“Wear it with a white t-shirt underneath and some white sneakers?” You tried to help her choose her outfit now yours was settled.

“That could work.”

“Can I borrow that white t-shirt and white sneakers?” She asked you with her puppy dog eyes she knew you could never refuse.

“Of course you can.” And both of you laughed. Maybe because of the wine or perhaps because you hadn’t gone to a bar in a long time. Chanyeol’s invitation came at the right time in your life.

Third act: is this what they call serendipity?

“Y/N you really came,” Chanyeol shouted the moment you entered the bar with Soya tagging right behind you. This feeling of being wanted brings you back to your college days, where there was always someone happy when you went to a particular party.

“Chanyeol. I told you I would come, don’t be so surprised.” You scolded him whole hugging him for the second time today.

“We’re huggers now.” He whispered in your ear, and you couldn’t hold back your smile.

“And we’re proud of it.” You told him while removing yourself from his grip. “Chanyeol this is my best friend, Soya.” They looked each other up and down, and you could swear you saw your friend blushing.

“Nice to meet you, Chanyeol. I’ve heard a lot about you.” She gave him his hand to shake, but he had different ideas.

“Apparently I’m into hugging now.” He loudly exclaimed before bringing your friend close for a mighty hug. She giggled and quickly returned the favour.

“I don’t mind.” She said before breaking up the hug. Chanyeol looked proud of himself, and you had to make a mental note to thank him in the morning for being so welcoming.

“Y/N let me introduce you to my friends.” He grabbed your arm, and you quickly took Soya’s hand for her to follow. A big table filled with people you didn’t know came into view, and you looked over at Soya with worry in your eyes. She quickly squeezed your hand for comfort.

“Everyone, this is my fun college Y/N who I can’t stop talking about. She also brought a friend of her’s named Soya.”

“Y/N these are my friends. This one here…” he ruffled through the guy’s hair that was closest to him. “… is Sehun, our youngest.” He might be the youngest, but he certainly didn’t look young. Yes, he might have a baby face but a handsome one that is. He stood up from his seat, and he was almost as tall as Chanyeol, and you couldn’t help but look impressed by his height.

“Hi girls, always a pleasure to meet new people.” He kissed both of you on your cheek, and you felt yourself getting a little bit warmer.

“Always charming.” Chanyeol chuckled, but he quickly moved on to the others. “Kyungsoo is the one with the glasses.” Said guy with classes quickly waved but didn’t say anything to the both of you. He was simply enjoying his drink.

“We also have Junmyeon over there.”

“Hi Y/N, hi Soya.” He greeted both of you with a big smile on his face. Chanyeol never mentioned that all his friends were extremely handsome. It felt like you were at an afterparty of a fashion show were all male models grouped together to celebrate.

“Last but not least, we have Baekhyun.” You eyes followed Chanyeol’s gesture and your eyes almost popped out of your head. The guy that Chanyeol pointed at was your handsome new neighbour, and a smile quickly spread over your face.

“Baekhyun it is.” You said more to yourself than to anyone in particular, which resulted in everyone looking at you strangely except for Baekhyun.

“Nice to see you again Y/N.” He greeted you with his brilliant smile and sparkly eyes. Let’s blame it all on the wine you had drunk earlier, but he looked even more beautiful while seated in a bar with a drink in his hands. Have you already mentioned his hands, because damn you desperately wanted to touch them. They were delicately draped around his almost empty beer and you so badly wished his hands were holding you.

“Again?” Chanyeol inquired after you and Soya both got seated. You tried not to sit next to Baekhyun in fear of embarrassing yourself further, but Soya was always quick to understand your awkward ways. She quickly seated herself next to Chanyeol, so your only option was to sit next to your neighbour.

“He’s my new neighbour.” You explained.

“You didn’t tell me you had a new neighbour.” Chanyeol and Soya both said with equally shocked faces.

“I’ve only moved in yesterday, so that’s probably why she didn’t tell you guys.” Baekhyun quickly saved you.

“I didn’t know new neighbours were big news. People move in and out of our apartment building every week. I’ll make sure to keep you updated in the future.” You didn’t understand what the issue was.

“Y/N, you have to tell me when a new cute neighbour recently moved in. That’s girl code.” Soya explained with Chanyeol nodding his head in approval.

“I’ll try to live a better life from now on.” You said, and this got a light chuckle out of Baekhyun, and you kind of felt proud of making him laugh.

“What do you want to drink?” Chanyeol asked you while moving his gaze toward Baekhyun, who was smiling widely beside you.

“Surprise me.” You simply stated, and Chanyeol wanted to roll his eyes at your behaviour.

“I’ll help you with that,” Soya said while standing up and following Chanyeol toward the bar. They would make a cute couple you thought to yourself. The other two guys at the table were silently conversing while Baekhyun was simply looking at you. Staring might be a better word.

“So how was your first night in the new place?” You asked him while removing your leather jacket and hanging it over your chair. You prayed to God you wouldn’t forget your coat.

“Could be better. I still have a lot to unpack, and it stresses me out.” Baekhyun confessed to you, and for a moment, you were shocked by his honesty. Most people would tell you they had slept like a baby, but he was refreshingly honest, and you couldn’t help but be entranced by his personality.

“I still have boxes to unpack, and I’ve been there for months now. It’s ok if it takes a bit longer.” You tried to reassure him.

“Don’t make me lose hope. I want to finish by the end of this week.” He told you with determination in is tone.

“Shouldn’t you be at home unpacking instead of drinking on a weeknight?” You asked him shyly because this was your kind of flirting and somehow he got the little hint. He looked taken aback for a moment but quickly recovered with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“I’d rather drink here with a beautiful girl.” He immediately took a drink after his blunt flirting, as if he gotten shy after what he said.

“You didn’t know I was going to drink here.” You bluntly stated.

“Who said I was talking about you?” You silently gasped but tried to cover it up with a cough.

“Well, I don’t see any other girls here.”

“Maybe you took her seat while she went to the toilet.”

“Oh, really? Oh, god, I’m so sorry.” You quickly got up and tried to get your coat, but Baekhyun’s hand were there to guide you back toward your seat. His eyes were fixed on you while his hands touched your bare arms, keeping you in place.

“I’m only joking.” He told you reassuringly while his hand was still on your arm, making you dizzy by his warm touch. “There is no one.” He said while taking his hands off you, and you immediately missed the feeling of him. Luckily for you, Soya and Chanyeol returned with a new drink before you could embarrass yourself further.

“I told him not to get you anything too wild, but he decided your drink.”

“Hey! You told me we would stick together. I didn’t hear you protest when I ordered the drink.” Chanyeol pouted at your friend, and you could feel their chemistry.

“Before I kill anyone of my choosing, what is it that you ordered?” You asked them with a fake hint of annoyance at your friends. You secretly loved people ordering strange things for you. What would they get you? What do they think is an excellent drink for you? How do they see you? Once a friend got you a non-alcoholic beverage, let’s say you don’t really see her anymore.

“A Cock Sucking Cowboy.” Chanyeol proudly presented you a martini glass filled with mocha brown liquor. It looked a bit sketchy.

“Well, the name is definitely original. What’s in it, though?” You couldn’t contain your excitement anymore and were eying the drink suspiciously.

“Rumor has it that Brokeback Mountain inspired this drink, and that’s all I’ll say about it,” Chanyeol told you while taking a seat at the now crowded table. You eyed Soya questionably, knowing Chanyeol wouldn’t tell you what was in it, but she sure would break. She also knew what you were allergic to, so that kind of helped.

“It is made with deliciousness like Butterscotch Schnapps and Bailey’s.” She carefully told you, and that was all you needed to try the cock sucking drink.

“I’ll drink to that, a cock sucking cowboy for me it is.” You enthusiastically held up your drink while the others eagerly waited for you to drink the brown liquid. A small sip was all you needed to be addicted to this heavenly drink. Usually, you didn’t like sweet cocktails, but this one was a reasonable exception. You let out a small moan because of the deliciousness and everyone, even the quiet guy in glasses laughed.

“I think she likes it.” The one named Sehun commented, and suddenly conversations about weird drinks started as if you hadn’t just met five minutes ago. It took only fifteen minutes before the ice completely broke, and everyone was comfortably engaging without holding themselves back. It has been a while since you had enjoyed company other than Soya. You glanced over at Chanyeol, and you found him already looking at you, you silently thanked him, and he just shrugged his shoulders, as if it was nothing.

“So Y/N, how do you know our Chanyeol?” Junmyeon asked you, which resulted in all eyes on you. A slight blush crept over your face, but you tried to hide it.

“I’m the one who trained him, so he really couldn’t escape me even if he wanted to.”

“Who would want to escape you?” Baekhyun asked gently, and the whole table got quiet. They were probably thinking what the hell was happening between you two and being honest; you were starting to feel the same thing.

“You sure aren’t.”

“How can I when you’re my cute neighbour who called me cute?”

“I didn’t exactly tell you that I thought you were cute, I said you were exactly floor five her type.” You tried to weasel yourself out of the situation, but it didn’t go unnoticed that he called you cute, and a small smile blossomed on your face at his compliment.

“He’s exactly her type.” Soya laughed when the realization hit her. The older woman on floor five is a bit notorious between the two of you.

“Is she that bad?” Chanyeol asked the two of you, and you both started laughing.

“Let’s say Y/N can not take a guy home.” Soya mysteriously stated, and you knew what she was getting at.

“She somehow always knows when there is a new guy in the building, and she will look for him until she finds him. Luckily for you, she still hasn’t found you.”

“I think she might have already found me.” Baekhyun silently confessed, and you couldn’t contain your curiosity.

“And you still want to live there?” You asked him with shock written all over your face.

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Maybe she changed her tactics after the last one,” Soya commented.

“Jungkook never recovered.”

“Who is Jungkook?” Baekhyun asked you, and you felt the stares of Chanyeol and Soya on you. How were you going to explain the almost-boyfriend?

“Not important. What did she say?” You tried to change the subject, and it worked like a charm.

“She just asked me if I was new here and if there was anything that she could help with, I should let her know,” Baekhyun explained the situation, but you couldn’t believe her innocence.

“Where did you see her?” You asked him.

“She was taking some trash out this afternoon when I bumped into her.” He carefully told you.

“She never takes her trash out on a Thursday.” You gasped while you held your hand over your mouth.

“How do you know?” Sehun asked you suspiciously.

“She’s a Sunday cleaner, everyone in the building knows,” Soya answered for you, and you were glad she was here with you tonight. You would have looked like a crazy stalker girl without her backing you.

“She must have waited with a tiny trash bag at the entrance just to see you.” You over analyzed the situation. Baekhyun looked at you in horror, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his naivety.

“She’s really determined to find a toyboy,” Chanyeol explained, knowing the stories you told him about the crazy woman on floor five. “She tried to steal one of Y/N’s dates while she was with him.”

“She seemed so nice,” Baekhyun stated with a prominent pout plastered on his face. You wanted to squish his chubby cheeks, but you quickly withdrew your untrustworthy hand.

“Who wants another drink? I think Baekhyun needs it after his whole world shattered into pieces.” You asked the table while getting up.

“I’ll help you,” Baekhyun said while also standing up. Everyone gave their order, and both of you made it to the bar. It was getting more crowded and loud as it got later in the evening. People were already softly dancing to the beats of pop music and alcohol. You didn’t notice the bartender approaching while you were scanning the bar.

“What do you want to drink?” Baekhyun asked you while waving his beautiful hand in front of your eyes. You quickly composed yourself and turned around to the guy tending the bar.

“I’m going to stick to wine for the rest of the night, or you can carry me home tonight.” You told Baekhyun with a smile on your face. You were feeling the cock sucking something.

“You have a new girlfriend? Chanyeol also brought a new bird to the bar tonight.” The bartender asked Baekhyun, and he immediately panicked when he saw the confusion on your face.

“Y/N this in Jongin, also a friend and the reason we always meet in this bar.” He explained his relation to the handsome guy tending the bar. Was every friend of Baekhyun and Chanyeol ridiculously good-looking, or has it been that long you had any that you thought every guy was attractive?

“Jongin, this is Y/N, a colleague of Chanyeol. She came here for the first time and brought a friend with her, Soya, the one you met with Chanyeol.” Baekhyun looked pleased with how he handled the situation, and you couldn’t help but smile at his cuteness. His damn chubby cheeks were so inviting.

“Oh, you looked just happy, my bad.” Jongin awkwardly excused himself.

“But I’m also his neighbour, that’s why I told him he had to carry me home if I had another cock sucking cowboy.” You added to Baekhyun’s explanation to complete the whole story.

“Okay, just a wine coming up.” He said before he started pouring the drinks for his friends and you. You secretly glanced over at Baekhyun, and you found him already looking at you. He tried to play it cool by glancing over at something behind you, but you both knew he was really staring at you.

“What a coincidence.” You simply stated while analyzing his features, his lips to be more correct. You could describe it as a precisely shaped mouth, small, firm, full-lipped, and so kissable.

“What is?” He asked you uncertain, trying to read your thoughts.

“That you’re my new neighbour but that you’re also friends with my bestie at work.” He softly agreed but was cut short when his friend brought the drinks. You tried to take four glasses but failed in your attempt. Baekhyun laughed and took the other drinks toward your friend's table.

“Ah, they’re back,” Chanyeol screamed enthusiastically, and you suspected he couldn’t take a lot of liquor. Maybe you should train him in that department too.

“Yes, and we brought drinks.” You said while handing him his whiskey. You laughed at how cute he was. A tall man with a grown-up drink, but the cheerfulness that is seen in his eyes, reminded you of how young he actually was. You took your seat next to Baekhyun, and he was again looking at you strangely.

“Do you find the coincidence awkward?” He asked you with worry in his eyes. You quickly shook your head before answering him.

“No, it’s not awkward. It’s more exciting than it is weird.” The smile that grew on his face went all the way up to his eyes, and for a moment, you were lost in their sparkle.

#exo #exowritersnet #exo fanfic #exo fic #baekhyun #byun baekhyun #Baekhyun fanfic #Byun Baekhyun fanfic #Baekhyun fic #Byun Baekhyun fic #fanfic #fan fiction #baekhyun fan fiction #superm #superm baekhyun #superm fanfiction

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slashingdisneypasta · 4 years

Note

Can i get a hoyt x reader smut pls...(this message was brought to u by an awkward ass person)

This is what the Hoyt x Wife!Reader on my other blog was supposed to be but at that point I was still felt iffy about writing smut but as I have unlocked it now, we can do this ^^ I hope you like it!

Warnings: Super smutty, guys. Angry sex, course language (Terrible language). Also, this is Hoyt so he will say some horrible things. Suggested rape, etc. Not fluffy

Smut under the cut of course.

You know what? I think, weeks after the transformation. I’ve tried everything to get this man’s attention back from himself, and I’m his wife, so it shouldn’t be so hard.

But the only times he looks at me, pays me any mind, is when he’s pissed or he’s playing boss. And I just want him to look at me like Charlie, like my husband.

So, fine, Hoyt. We’ll do it your way.

By making you really, really mad. Then you’ll look at me, wont you?

It’s been weeks since my husband went missing. And in his place was left a sorry, evil pantomime in uniform called Sheriff Hoyt.

God, he thinks he’s cool in that uniform. Even though the hat looks goofy as hell, and gives him hat hair. Anger stirs in my chest just thinking about my dilemma. I can’t get through to the dumbass bastard wearing Charlies tattoo’s and sleeping in his bed. My bed. Glancing spitefully at him across from me at the dinner table, I consider kicking him like I did, ‘accidentally’ in the middle of the night last night. He was deeply asleep, snoring and dreaming and I found it wholly unfair that he got to rest like that and I was still up, confined by myself to the left side of the bed away from him, and had just done it. Totally bitterly, but it felt good.

Luckily, he believed me when I said I had had a nightmare and sleep kicked, but alas. I don’t think that excuse will work here.

I’m just, immaturely wondering how I can aim a piece of lettuce at his face and blame it on arthritis when Luda Mae starts up a conversation for the table, successfully causing me too look up her instead of darkly at my fork. I must have really been looking darkly at my fork, too, because Luda Mae looks pointedly at me as if she knows what I was thinking and Monty, beside me subtly shakes his head at me. I look at Thomas and Hoyt, next, and luckily neither of them were paying much attention.

Sighing in defeat, I turn my attention to the conversation, turning my knees slightly to face Luda Mae and Monty. “I don’t really have plans tomorrow, thanks! Monty and I were thinking about chess, since its been a while, but… “I shrug, looking pleasantly at her and trying to ignore the fiery fury still beating in my chest.

The effort becomes redundant when Hoyt speaks up and I can no longer keep it at bay. “Well, you won’t be doing that.” I watch him chew for a moment, feeling my rage levels rise dangerously high seeing him not even lift his head when he’s trying to control me. This is 2003, Sheriff! Not the freaken middle ages, I don’t obey you!

“Actually, yes.” I spit, venomously, looking straight at his forehead and just daring him to look up back at me. I drop my fork with a clatter, and get half the way out of my seat, alerting Thomas that something out of the ordinary is happening. “We will be. In fact, Uncle Monty, let’s go play right now- “

He raises his head to dare an connect eye contact with me. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?? Sit back down, we’re eating a fucking dinner.”

“I’m not hungry anymore.” I revel in the furious way he looks at me. It’s better than being ignored, anyway. I may have gone insane, but it feels really good to make ‘Sheriff Hoyt’ feel that way. I get the rest of the way out of my seat and nod with a smile to Luda Mae. “Thanks for dinner, Luda. Goodnight everyone- except you, Charlie!” He’ll have a bad night, because either he’s going to going to get a crick in his back from sleeping on the couch to avoid my crazy ass, or I’m not going to let him get any sleep in our room.

“You call me Hoyt, woman- Argh.” As I disappear up the stairs to our room, I hear Hoyt shout after me and realise I’m not listening, and drop his own fork in favour of violently pushing off the table and after me. I faintly hear Luda Mae sigh and say something shamelessly about kicking us out of her home. I throw the bedroom door open and barge in, slamming it spitefully behind me so Hoyt has to open it himself.

When he does, I’m sitting curtly, stiffly in the armchair by his side of the bed with a book tight in my hands, knuckles white from anger. He looks frustratedly as hell at me and points vaguely toward the dining room. “The fuck was that??”

“Nothing,” I hiss, acting uncooperative on purpose. “What are you talking about?”

“You know goddamn well what I’m talking about, Y/N.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to fight in front of them.”

“Why are we fighting in the first place? I’m lost as fuck, and you need to catch me up.” He looks at me with his hands on his hips and his eyebrows raised all the way up his forehead, frustratingly expectant.

I’m tempted to give him more lip and say that no, I don’t need to catch him up. In fact, I’d love to leave him in the dark and just go to bed. It would drive him mad, and make me feel a thousand times better, but I figure my immaturity has reached its pique for the night. Instead, I try to relax my shoulders and my fingers and look up, seriously at Hoyt. More level-headed. “I miss Charlie.” He looks irritated immediately, and sighs deeply, looking around the room like a huge eyeroll with his head. When he stills again, he’s cleaning the bottom set of teeth with his tongue, squinting one eye at me. Hands still on his hips, patronising me. Oooh, how I’d love to smack that look off his face. But, I’m elegant.

… ignoring the kicking him in the middle of the night and the attempt I made on him at dinner with the lettuce.

“Y/N, Charlie’s dead. We’ve been through this. When are you gonna get it through your head- “

“Well then I want a divorce!” I exclaim, getting up from the chair. His eyes darken, but the corner of his lips quirk up, and shakes his head. Calming down, he pulls the stupid hat off his head and runs a hand through his hair to fix it, turning his back on me and turning to start getting ready for bed.

“Don’t interrupt a man of the law when he’s talking, darling, and no. You don’t.”

That’s rich! He can sure parade himself around like a real sheriff with victims if he likes but that is a moot point, with family. “Man of the law?? Man of the la- You’re a murdering cannibal!”

“So’s Tommy, gonna get mad at him?”

“I’m not married to Tommy.” I watch his movements, heart sinking. Is he losing interest again? It’s a weird feeling, wanting the argument to be over but simultaneously being afraid it is. “And you made him that way.”

“Yeah? Well, this households never been better.”

Oh. No, that’s it. I drop the book down on the bed, nearly flinging it actually, and cross the room in 2 fast steps to slap him.

He… he grabs my wrist before I can. “Goddamnit, let go of me. Bastard.” Slowly, I look across from his hand on my wrist to his face, or more specifically his eyes. They twitch, like he’s thinking, and I watch as he looks from my eyes to the rest of me. Assessing the situation with self-taught reliability.

“Honey,” His voice is dark now, familiarly husky and terrifying. Well, to anyone but me it might be terrifying. “You weren’t about to do what I think you were,” He lifts his chin and looks down at me. He raises his eyebrows. “Were you?”

If he thinks he’s scaring me he really is an idiot. I straighten myself, squaring up. “I sure was.”

“Now, see. That won’t work for me.”

“Well, then. To the couch with y- “The rude ass bastard cuts off my sentence, with his mouth on mine and strong, greedy fingers scraping at my waist. It takes me 2 seconds to think about, decide and agree to the new medium for my anger, and part my lips hungrily for a deeper connection to curb my anger at him but he pulls back and sets my face with a mischievous look like he thinks he’s in control here. I narrow my eyes. “What?”

“I’m gonna show you who’s wife you are. Its been too long.”

One, that’s not my fault. Two, “Shut up.”

“Gladly.” He growls, and puts his mouth on mine again, drawing a begrudgingly salacious moan from me. What? Its been a long time, since my husband has touched me. To further things situation-wise, I tilt my head slowly to the side against him and tug him closer by the front of his uniform. Hoyt can’t help himself, can’t just stand and kiss me for a few minutes before taking more, and I know it because I feel his fingers creep up my sides, under my shirt and god are they hot. How his skin stays so warm all the time, I have no idea, but as long as it serves me, I don’t care. They feel really good inside me, and oh. They will be inside me before this is over and the bastards out of kick.

Switching tact, because I can’t say I don’t want more then this also -you can’t be married to a pervert like him for as long as I have and be happy with just some kisses when you can have more,- , I turn him around and push him, not at all carefully onto the bed. Honestly, if he falls off, I don’t mind.

He doesn’t, but he does sit up immediately on the edge, knees apart and yanks me down by the arm to him again, causing a yelp to come from me. “You- “A weirdly soft kiss is put on my lips, before the look in his eyes turns completely dark and puts my hand on the tent in his pants. “Feels good.” I tell him, then let go and make like I’m going to leave.

“Oh no you don’t- “He yanks me back and onto the bed, shut me in with his body. I shift, to get comfortable, but get distracted by the way he’s looking at me. “Hmmm,” Looking me over, a lude grin finds its way to his mouth. “I would force your pretty mouth over my cock, darling, god knows you’re good at that, don’t we. But, later. Right now, I’m gonna screw you, my Y/N.” Momentarily slipping in my resolve, I lean into his touch when he strokes the side of my face, twisting some of my hair around a finger.

Ughhhh, fuck! What was it, the rape threat or the basically calling me a whore that did that to you, Y/N? Fucks sake. Let’s just do this. Get your head in the game, Y/N. “Shut up Charlie, fuck me.”

He chuckles and buckles his belt. “Yes ma’am.” Avoiding his eyes and feeling slick and impatient, I undo my own bottoms and wriggle out of them. With a final sigh, and a squish sound, Hoyt fills me up in one satisfying thrust. “Ohhh,” A stutter groan escapes him, before he berries his face in my neck and hides there. I, on the other hand, am a dangerous, mewling mess under him. Having his stiff, thick cock sinking into me feels a wicked kind of heaven. Familiar of a better time, yet wrong. Mostly though just really, really pleasureful.

I lay there with my mouth half open, breathy moans coming out of me as a arch, and frustratedly meet him at every thrust. It’s not enough! “It’s not enou- oh~” As I tried to talk, his hand traced down my body and touched my clit, began rubbing to add to the pleasure. “Oh my god, that’ll do. Ahh,”

Against my neck, he chuckles breathily. The hand not on my clit come up, and wraps around my throat. Doesn’t squeeze, doesn’t hurt. Just holds it, enough to feel my pulse.

As the knot in more core pleasure becomes unbearable, my breaths become short and I get so close to orgasming all over the shaft between my folds. Desperate for more, I wrap my calf’s around him and pull myself as flush to his pelvis as possible in one last, delicious buck. A deep, guttural groan escapes him and when I squeeze my walls around him, he explodes.

The hot cum, just his fingers explodes in me and that does me in. With a slow slide off of him and back down onto the bed, unlocking my legs from him, I sigh and cum in climax, feeling exhausted.

That was the most, frantic exercises I’ve done weeks, of course I’m tired. I watch him sigh, and stand back up. Bluffing me and trying to make me think he isn’t just as tired as he tucks himself away and buttons his pants back up. “Sweetheart, thank you… You stay here and rest up. I’ll be back.”

“Uhuh… “ I sigh, ready to take a nap.

“You look beautiful like that.”

“Go get us new sheets, Hoyt.”

“I love you, too.”

#Smut #Sheriff Hoyt #Charlie Hewitt #Request

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captainjimothycarter · 4 years

Note

I really love that Peggy and Sousa encounter each other in the future post 😍

I had to go back so many posts to find this post, lmao. This is a long one! 4k! This is so not what you wanted but I couldn’t stop writing???

Chaos was a normal way of life for Peggy. She had already accepted that when she signed up for the war, following Michael’s death. Being a codebreaker beforehand was hard enough and she was good at it, Peggy was good with her hands but it wasn’t enough. There was always that itch in the back of her head that just reminded her there was more that could be done and unfortunately, it took the death of her brother to realize what exactly she should be doing.

Then she met Steve, a scrawny Brooklyn Native who didn’t look like he should be breathing much less standing beside Dr. Erksine who insisted this is who he wanted for his experiment. It took very little convincing before this absolute mad man was nodding eagerly about this experiment, promising to keep the details under lock and key. As quickly as she met and no matter how hard she tried not to admit it, she lost Steve. A part of her heart went down with him in that plane and no promise to recover. To just move on because she had to.

Or so, Peggy thought.

Time travel was an idea of fiction on paper. She didn’t think it was real or something possible. Why would she? It was an amusing idea, one even Howard had tinkered with, yet as all ideas are, there is some truth to them. There had to be or otherwise, Peggy was insistent she was going mad here because Steven Grant Rogers was standing on her doorstep wearing clothes a size too big and with a bouquet of roses in hand.

The shattering teacup was the last thing she remembered.

That night, there was a long, long talk. One that went far on until they were both hoarse and bags under their eyes from lack of sleep. In reality, she was afraid to sleep. If she closed her eyes, Steve might disappear. This might be some hallucination from her imagination but every touch to his skin felt real whereas she couldn’t touch him before. He felt real when it came to the body heat and his heart. So, in conclusion, he had to be real, she just couldn’t accept it because he could easily be taken away.

There was this tale he spun for her. One about the future, about being frozen for so long, about how he fought in new wars, worse than their own, how the organization she was building in secret was destroyed from the inside out, how he had a key hand to it [and how very apologetic and downright hurt he looked by telling her this], how he has lost and gained, just to lose again, and how he got here. Time travel of all foolish things. And she wasn’t sure what was worst, the fact that he was here or the fact that she believing him.

Or the fact that she was going with him.

There was no other word for this beyond selfish but Steve had assured her that she wasn’t. Selfish wasn’t helping the greater good, he assured. They could rebuild Shield with the help of some new friends, start their life together. He would be there. And yet her life here? In this single, dreary apartment where the front door didn’t close all the way and her neighbor’s cat had snuck in and sprayed her bedsheets? Well, she didn’t think she was leaving much behind, so she agreed.

Steve did try to warn her. He did try to tell her about the future and the insane technology, not even Howard had agreed on. How Howard had a son [‘he’s hurt but he’s alive and he’s gonna be okay, Pegs, I promise.’ Funny, it sounded like Steve was convincing himself more than her], how Sargeant Barnes was alive, and the complicated history of Hydra behind it. He’d told her not to feel so guilty for it because no one knew but there was that itch, that self-guilt that told her they’d been so close to rescuing him. She just knew it, but they snuck out right under their noses.

There was a whole crowd of people waiting for her as they stepped through the portal, Steve holding the bag of essentials she’s packed. An outfit or two despite his insistence that they had clothes, a few files, photos, and even books. And of course...Steve’s photo that she kept close to her heart. She dressed comfortably, in her leather jacket from the war, slacks, and a blouse. The last she expected was a sharp whistle to cut through the crowd and to see a man with an eyepatch standing in the back.

Steve’s sigh told him all.

“Director,” he said harshly, almost standing between him and Peggy, as if to put himself in harm’s way. “This doesn’t concern you.”

“Oh no, taking people from the past and bringing them to our future doesn’t concern me,” Fury huffed, sounding annoyed and almost amused. “Tell me why in the hell did you bring Carter here.”

“Tell me why in the hell are you speaking about me as if I’m not here?” Peggy snapped, stepping around Steve and folding her arms across her chest with an unamused look. She swore the man’s lip twitched. “I can speak for myself and don’t need Steve to speak for me. I think it’s very clear why I’m here and beyond the obvious to help recreate an organization that you have very well allowed being destroyed by your greed and a blind eye.”

There was a smirk on Steve’s lips as Fury rolled his eyes and muttered something about having ‘other plans’ and ‘not officially director anymore’ that reminded her of the scrawny boy from Brooklyn. That he was proud of her. Oh, that did the heart wonders.

“Spunky as always, huh, Auntie?”

The voice made Peggy turn to find the owner. She felt like she was staring right at Howard Stark, except with more salt in his beard and more burn scars and a missing arm. This had to be Tony Stark. Steve’s friend, Howard’s son.

“Auntie?” She questioned, raising a brow to his amused look. “I think you’re older than me.”

Tony shrugged, still amused. “Maybe.” She scoffed as if not to say maybe. “Okay, I am but you practically raised me at points in my life. Not you, another you...the here...you. Steve, why did you have to make this difficult?”

“I did not,” Steve countered, wrapping his arm around Peggy to squeeze her close. “You’re making it awkward.”

Rolling her eyes and muttering boys, Peggy enveloped Tony in a familiar hug, mindful of the burns.

“Auntie or not,” she sighed, patting his cheek. “I think I can still wring your ear when you need to be reminded of your manners.”

An almost familiar redhead was watching her from behind Tony. There was a sense Peggy got from her that she’s seen her before. Or perhaps another version of her. Younger, with hair and outfits that changed colors, and words that taunted her and wrung in her head. With mysteries that they still never solved.

“Black Widow,” she breathed, much to Natasha’s amusement. “I’ve fought one of you before.”

“Dottie, if I remember correctly,” Natasha sighed, giving a small nod. “My trainers never quite let that go. You were always a pest on their side, even to the day you rescued me. Or well, you and Barton.”

Barton, she pointed out made her look over her shoulder to see a tall blonde with purple hearing aids and a boyish smile on his face. His hands wrapped around a leash, a golden lab at the end of it. Beside him stood a familiar sight. A very familiar site that took her breath away.

James Buchanan Barnes. Broader than she remembered the slender soldier, with long hair that was now tied back into a bun, and a shimmering arm of silver and gold. His stormy gray eyes betrayed the fear that echoed through him, one step more forceful than the next before he dropped to his knees at her feet.

Peggy was quicker and saw the fall coming from a mile away, dropping with him to catch him in time and envelope him in her arms. He held onto her tightly, she was his comfort, his solace, and he was begging her for forgiveness for sins she did not know but haunted him. She felt the stubble on his face brush over her neck as he buried his face into her, his shoulders shaking with every other sob.

“I have you,” she whispered, brushing his hair back, her face tucked into his neck to give him that peace. “I have you, little one. You’re okay.”

“You-you’re...younger…” He hiccuped, trying to force those old Barnes ways back through.

“Younger and yet wiser,” she teased. Looking up, she saw the crowd disperse with the promise of introduction at dinner. Far as she understood there was still a God she had yet to meet and these other...agents. The only people who stayed were Steve, Barton, Romanoff, and another man who stood beside them with bright eyes and a smirk that reminded her of Gabe Jones.

Pulling Bucky back after giving him a few minutes, she pressed their foreheads together, brushing the tears from his cheeks. Steve had crouched beside them, a comforting smile on his face. This close, Peggy could count Bucky’s full lashes if she so wished.

“Are you okay?” She whispered in French. Steve had gotten the basics of it when he was alive beforehand, but Bucky had been fluent.

The language made him blink, the Soldier was never taught French. It was a forgotten language. But Bucky, no he knew it. It made him smile.

“No,” he replied honestly. “Not really. You don’t understand because it hasn’t happened and I don’t think it will happen’ but I tried to kill you.” He took in a shuddering breath, avoiding looking at Steve. He wasn’t sure if Steve even knew this. “Hydra s-sent me to kill you, it was my first solo mission. No handler, no contact. In and out. I failed. You knocked some sense into me, literally, with a-a lamp post. It was...in some hotel I remember. We sat and talked. You tried to help me but I-I couldn’t let you get close. I told you of some names in..in Hydra that might be in Shield and...can remember my handlers torturing me when...when they died by your hand.”

“Damn right,” she grumbled. “Not about you...being tortured. Look at me.” She cupped both his cheeks and pressed a tender kiss between his eyes. “You are safe now, okay? You’re here and I’m not upset at you. Or going to hurt you. If...if you seeing me…”

“Stop being the selfless one for once,” Bucky snorted. “Jesus, no wonder you and Steve are perfect. You’d both take a bullet for one another.”

“Technically a grenade,” Peggy mused, making Bucky look up in alarm at the blonde.

“Steve.”

“It was...years ago, Buck, c’mon.” Steve shot Peggy a look, standing them both up and looking away as Bucky cleaned his face up.

“Did you jump on a grenade?!”

“It was a dummy!”

Peggy laughed at their bickering, hugging Bucky tightly to her and kissing his cheek. She’d missed him, no matter how much she wanted to deny it. She did miss him.

“I’m not going to avoid you, Pegs. Some days are gonna be harder than others, but I’m gonna be fine. I can’t avoid you.” He tilted her head up with the metal hand, giving her that trademark smile that reminded her of her older brother so much. “You’ll find ways to wiggle into my life later, but I...think you met my partners.”

Yes, partners, Peggy hadn’t misheard. She was reintroduced to Natasha, Clint, and now Sam. Sam, who was the great-nephew of Gabe Jones.

“I take it you kept these two in line?” Peggy teased, hugging Sam tightly who just melted into her.

“Hell no!” He laughed. “These two are hell-bent on getting themselves killed. I think they learned that from you.”

“Guilty as charged,” Peggy mused.

It was a full month later before Peggy was introduced to those fellow agents she was promised to meet.

There was Mack, now the official Director of Shield, and who was very humble to meet her and as only she could describe was a giant teddy bear. He even made Steve look small.

May and Coulson, two lovebirds who were dangerous in their own way and yet we’re still in love. May just looked amused as Coulson gushed about ‘being a fan’ and Steve just looked embarrassed for her. Then it was chaos after the ‘Avengers’ saw Coulson in their living room. The chaos of yelling about how he was alive and not told for so long. That was an argument that May and Peggy quickly escorted themselves out to have a friendly chat.

Three new people arrived a day later in a small, private jet. The first soul out of it was a small blonde, little girl who came to Peggy’s hip and had all the energy as a toddler should. She laughed when Peggy caught her so she didn’t run off towards the lake, spinning her around. The laugh made her smile. And even Steve who snuck up beside her.

“Alya!” Jemma sighed, running up to Peggy before skitting to a stop over the turf when she realized who spun her daughter around in a circle. “You’re...you’re…”

“I’m told you’re a fan,” Peggy laughed, holding her hand out and shaking hers and then her husband who looked amused. “Jemma and Fitz, correct? And this is?” She held her arm up where she now hung upside down on her arm.

“That’s our littl’ monkey,” Fitz laughed, scooping his daughter up and putting her on his shoulders. “Coulson called us about...this and we didn’t want to believe.”

“You didn’t want to believe,” Jemma countered, shaking her curls. “I believed him. Why would he lie, Fitz?”

“It wasn’t lying I was worried about! Normally people pulled from the past isn’t good! Look at Sousa!’

Time stood still and Peggy felt like her heart had stopped. She was fully aware people were staring at her. Steve had stood behind her, touching her cheek.

“Pegs?” He whispered, clearly worried. “Peggy, are you okay? Hey, hey. Whoa.”

He lowered her to the ground when her knees gave out, supporting her body. Jemma knelt beside her, sending Fitz inside with their daughter so Peggy wasn’t crowded. Even May had come out of the lake house to check in on them.

Peggy blinked a series of times, clearing her throat. She could feel Steve’s hand on her neck, checking her pulse. She felt like she couldn’t speak, her mind was stalled out. She forgot every word she knew. Everything had been replaced by his voice, his face.

While she didn’t harbor feelings for Sousa, while their kiss had been rash, and she decided not what she wanted, they parted on good terms. Really good terms. His death, his violent, needless death of a body floating in a hotel pool had made her choke on her coffee when the news was told to her in passing as if it was a normal thing.

“Sousa is alive?” She finally whispered, feeling her hands starting to shake even as Steve’s own closed around them. “He’s alive?”

Jemma and Steve shared a look above her, one Peggy missed. “Yes,” May replied over both of them, shifting so she was in Peggy’s vision. “Yes, he’s alive. And he’s doing wonderful. They’ll be here in a few hours.” She paused as if to consider her words. “He’ll be happy to see you.”

“Can you handle your jealousy?”

Steve looked up from the bed, where he was trying to rethread his boots with difficulty. He paused as the boot fell to the floor, the lace slipping out of it with a heavy sigh.

“Why am I jealous? No, how am I jealous? If I remember correctly, you shot at me for kissing…”

“No, I was shooting the shield.” Peggy reasoned, fixing her last curl into place before turning to face Steve from the mirror. “And you were kissing her!”

“No, she was kissing me. She kissed me and I couldn’t back away! I’ve told you, I didn’t want her, I wanted you.”

Damn Rogers and damn him for saying the right words. Peggy’s shoulders slowly relaxed and her eyes softened as she took the boot from his hand and wrapped him in a tight hug. “I know,” she sighed. “I see you kept the marks on your shield, after all this time.”

“Well, I had to have some keepsake to remind me not to fuck up again.”

They laughed, Steve slowly kissing Peggy as he savored every moment. He only jerked when there was a knock on the door, looking embarrassed as the door opened to a new face.

“Oh!” Daisy, breathed, her won cheeks tinging pink. “I can go if you two are busy. May just sent me to find you...two…” Her eyes fell onto Steve, then Peggy and a small smile grew on her lips as if confirming something to herself.

Peggy stood up, taking Steve’s boot in hand and lacing it in three easy strokes before handing it back to him. “I take it you must be Daisy, right?” Her hand held out to him and she smiled as they shook hands.

“And you’re Agent Carter. Jemma has told me everything about you.” She paused, her tongue between her lips. “And Daniel.”

“It’s okay, I’m not...jealous or anything like that.” She wanted to make that clear, even if Steve snorted from the bed. “You have anything to say, Captain?”

“Just to keep your gun away from a man who doesn’t have a shield,” Steve teased, pecking her temple. He nodded politely at Daisy. “Coulson has told me much about you and the rest of the team. He thinks highly of all of you.”

“Yeah, well for a robot...he has a lot of feelings,” Daisy laughed with a shrug of her shoulders. “Is your team still done yelling at him?”

“Friends, not team. And sorta? Thor already knew because of Sif. Tony was quick to forgive him. Bruce said he knew already from working with Fury on some side project. As for Agent Barton and Romanoff… well, they hold onto grudges for a long, long time.”

Daisy chuckled as they left, hands in her pockets as they walked down the hall. She didn’t miss how Peggy had taken Steve’s hand. “We know. Agent Romanoff has gotten May back for a few things during our time together. Try explaining to Director Fury at the time why five chickens were in her office once. It took us ages to get them out. I think Fitz still has nightmares about those chickens.”

“They’re dreadful beasts!” Fitz shouted from the kitchen. “Let’s not talk about the Chicken Incident, please.”

“They are not,” Jemma insisted, smiling at Peggy. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Wonderful, thank you. I’m glad someone knows how to make a proper cuppa. The bath and nap did help.”

Steve pouted when Peggy’s eyes shot over to him. “Hey, I tried to learn during the war. Unlike Pinky who just put straight up a leaf in hot water one time.”

“Steven, if that’s what you call tea, then I don’t want to know what you call coffee. You just don’t have that touch.” Peggy’s hand patted at his cheek, making Steve flush.

“Don’t worry,” a voice behind them said. “I tried through all my years with her and still didn’t learn right. Even Mr. Jarvis tried to teach me. I have too heavy of an American hand, whatever that means.”

Leaning onto his cane behind them stood Daniel Sousa with his still boyish, but more handsome face and a proud look in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Peggy’s breath was in her throat as she saw him, her hand gripping Steve’s tightly. Everyone around them, save for Daisy and Steve suddenly found they needed to be elsewhere to give these people privacy.

“Hey, Pegs,” Daniel breathed, giving a warm smile. “Whoa, whoa hold on.”

He nearly fell if it wasn’t for Steve when Peggy darted to him and hugged him tightly. He had to admit, some part of him felt almost a little jealous until he saw Peggy’s shoulders shake. She had taken his death hard, she’d told him. The fact there was not even a body to bury had made it much worst and he wondered how much of that funeral reminded her of his own.

“She took it hard,” Steve whispered to Daisy, giving a sympathetic look to the pair whispering to one another. “Even if they were friends after...everything, she didn’t learn about his death until weeks after. Hydra was trying to cover it up. She blamed herself.”

“She’s really hard on herself, huh?” Daisy sighed, shaking her head. “Daniel has told me everything about them. Is this...weird for you?” At Steve’s confused look, Daisy shrugged. “Your...girlfriend with her ex? Is that weird?”

“Never really had anything to compare it to, so I supposed not. Daniel is an important part of her life,” he mused. “I just have to accept that, as she has to accept my friends are important to me. She knows about Bucky and I…”

That was the last thing Daisy had expected to hear, her eyes widening. “You and the Winter Soldier were…?”

“Bucky but yes, teenagers, during the war, Peggy was involved in it. And even after.”

“I think Coulson owes me fifty bucks,” she muttered.

“Mention it to Clint and you’ll get a hundred.”

“Captain…?”

Steve looked up from where he sat on the bench by the lake, watching Alya, Peggy, and Fitz look for ‘specimens’ in the shallow end of the lake. On the other side, Bucky and Lucky were going for a jog or more as Lucky was dragging Bucky through the marsh. In front of him stood Daniel, still with that boyish smile and leaning on his cane.

“Steve,” he corrected, scooting over and patting the seat. “Sit down. I know that thing has to hurt like hell. Don’t lie, I had to have a brace as a kid for my back. Felt like torture.”

“The whole straightening rod and all? Poor you. I see it’s done nothing for your posture,” he teased, groaning when he finally sat down. “It’s gotten better. I’m looking into better prosthetics, giving this up...feels sorta odd. Is that how the serum felt to you?”

“In a way,” Steve responded after a moment to think about it. “But in another, I didn’t know what the hell to expect. None of us did. I went in an asthmatic boy and came out...able to breathe and see color for the first time.”

“Was it Peggy?”

Steve looked over at him, raising a brow and Daniel shrugged. “When you saw color for the first time, was Peggy your first sight?”

The Captain sighed and laid his head back, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah. Red. First time I saw it, you know? I knew the color existed, been told it does, but seeing it...seeing her eyes...her hair… But that red, it stuck to me. Took my breath away. She was...beautiful. Still is.”

Even if she was covered in mud now by Alya giving up the hunt and having a mud-fight.

“I hope you don’t find it odd that I’m here, that Peggy and I talked,” Daniel replied after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “Peggy… Marge…”

“Look,” Steve put a hand on his knee and gave a gentle squeeze. “You and Peggy have a history, that’s okay. I don’t care. She’s important to you and you’re important to her. I’m not jealous. She took your death hard given everything at the time. You were there for her in times I couldn’t be and I’m thankful that you were a crutch for her to lean on. So, stop this...awkwardness...Pegs is important to both of us in separate manners. She’s gonna be here for a long, long time and I hope you stick around too. I like to think we’ll be friends even.”

He could even hear Bucky, in the back of his head, telling him what a kid he sounds like.

“I’d like that,” Daniel sighed, squeezing Steve’s hand gently. “She never stopped, you know? She never stopped hoping to find you. A part of her always kept looking. Always hoping, even if it was a body to bury. She’s always loved you.”

“I’m thankful for that because Gods know I fucked up a lot.” He gave a strained laugh, shaking his head. “She loves you too. In her own manner. It’s why your death hit her so hard.”

“Yeah, well, now we have all the time to make up for it.” Daniel stood up, holding his hand out to help Steve up with a small smirk. “Sure wish Thompson was alive right now. He’d so owe me ten bucks for even being friends with Captain America.”

“Don’t remind me,” Steve groaned, rubbing at his brow, hearing a heavy splash. He laughed at the sight of Lucky dragging Bucky through the mud before the man had the sense to let go and let the dog run off back towards the house. “That’s a face I wouldn’t mind punching, much shit as he gave Pegs.”

“Then I hope you don’t mind I’ve done it a time or two and blamed it on the alcohol,” Daniel laughed. “You want a few beers? I think they’re gonna be busy for a while.”

“Sure. What’re a few beers between friends?”

#Steggy #StevePeggy #Steggy Prompt #Nonny Prompt #PeggySousa Mentioned #Peggy & Sousa #Peggy & Avengers #Peggy & Bucky #[that relationship is special to me]#Peggy & Jemma #Peggy & May #FitzSimmons #Alya FitzSimmons #Ayla Fitz #Coulson gets yelled at #The SASS #Anyway sorry this isn't what you wanted #Daniel & Steve broship

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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prompts

April 26th: Talk about special interests. Do you have special interests? If not do you wish you did? What do your special interests mean to you? What are your current special interests? What are your past special interests? idk like i know i sure have & have had Interests, some more of interest than others, and it's also like, oh yeah i guess the ways i held that interest / explored it pretty intently / extensively / at length didn't always seem to be the way other people always felt about things even if we shared the interest, but yknow, at the same time it doesn't necessarily seem as extensive or major as some of the aspects of defining a Special Interest(tm) can be, i haven't been too pressed about it, but of course it's like, i have my Things lol, i.e. yeah this thing is kind of My Thing....and then i can look back on Things like. well idk when i was really little and you're just gonna like Cool Stuff, i did have the thing of like, i like dinosaurs and did sorta casually collect dinosaur stuff, easy enough b/c they make that stuff for kids, memorized a bunch of dinosaur Names so that just being asked to recite a bunch was something i was known to be able to do, a big fan of a couple semi educational computer games we had, shoutout to 3d dinosaur adventure and this magic school bus dinosaur (and ocean) game, had pajamas ft dinosaurs, rip to when i had a sick metal lunchbox with dinosaurs on it and it just broke on like week 1 of first grade or whatever and i just had to go back to default lunchboxes. well and then but anyways but from then on it was like, well, i guess it's media time......read a shit ton all the time, was into some tv series / movies, played some pc / video games, there was stuff i'd be glad to revisit over and over, and yknow, as this went on it'd be like, well now when there's A Relatable Enough Character in something i also like just in general, that's a powerful combo, though sometimes it's like, yeah i like this thing enough even in the absence of any particular [and i extra go hard about this character] element, that's not Not at play as it's like "well and i guess i will think about this quant every day for years now lmfao," and i can sure always talk about stuff At Length too, which sure is not something other people are generally interested in, but if/when they are, it's like okay great, this is a great connection point then, b/c otherwise it's like, i generally don't know what to say about myself, didn't get much practice, did pick up a sense of like, well stuff is Wrong about myself and my life so i shouldn't share it and also i'm not picking up friends so it was generally accurate that no one was exactly interested lmao. small talk is really more of a barrier / test you can just potentially fail, yet anything more personal is Oversharing, but hey i would earnestly love to talk at length about This Thing, so great when other people are into that at all lol and then if we vibe it's like, obviously that's the sort of functional "small talk" route here lol to being able to be more familiar w/each other and talk more generally, even if yknow, wuh oh, i'm kind of cagey outside those Interests i will talk about in ways that's probably "too much" by most ppl's standards, worst of both worlds when it comes to forming relationships but oh well, it is what it is and i sure don't consider it a bad thing i have plenty to say about things i Want to talk about, and it sure doesn't impede on anyone else if i'm Not Talking about other shit.

also then it's like, "idk what it is when you just determinedly Pursue something that's maybe still not the hugest deal, but i don't really feel very pressed re: figuring it out" like, does it count like how i mentioned today i'd read bird guides for fun as a kid, and watch this bird documentary and be like "hey. check out this scene in this bird documentary with this bird mimicry" to friends i now realize were probably mostly bemused by this, and really liked birds just generally (still true), and thus have like, maybe more Bird Knowledge than the average random person but also am hardly some self taught ornithological expert. or how i'm big into linguistics and etymology and, in theory, language learning, always really latching on to the little i was taught in school, also perusing some Language Guides available, and like, not really self teaching a bit re: learning some of a couple languages, just learning via teaching resources outside of [directly through any academic institution], never took any language classes, sure have no fluency in fuckall.........how about that i just decided as a kid like "hm i want to be able to draw" b/c i felt that way (and yknow, still do in a way lol) about pretty much anything, but i just also liked doodling and took some art classes and it was always this casual thing and now i use this to make fanart for the Media Interests lol, and although this is all digital drawing and drawing was always my primary thing it's like, well okay also yeah there was like, some painting / pastels / sculpting other Visual Arts stuff, and then, like, i sure enjoyed dance classes and the Performing Arts aspect of that, theatre gay adjacent b/w that and choir lol, have regular dreams about being part of impromptu dance performances, including just last night, rip to the special thwarting of "oh no i'm going around trying to get food before the show, getting stuck in traffic or lost in stores, and i've missed my whole first appearance" lol. anxiety dreams never end........and idk, i've had a love for math stuff, physics stuff, space stuff, even felt that [!] for the little i was able to get into circuitry and coding, but yknow. learning that shit is kind of involved and i only had so much experience re: taking classes, also, unfortunately, i always hated school lmao, so it's just kind of there where i'm like oh i get Into this shit in the ways that other people who are definitely Into it feel about it lmao. but yeah, idk, i do have like. well here's this sort of stuff i think about Every Day, this sort of mental home base sometimes, that i don't get tired of and reexplore / reexperience pretty intensively, but at the same time like, sometimes i can just sort of have something be that Interest for a lot more of a temporary duration, and things that were that main shit is like, well Probably when i like it that much once i like it down the line even if i haven't been that focused on it in the meantime, more just latent, but then it's like, well, but probably could and would still talk So Much about it still even if it's not like, oh yeah i'm Into This(tm) right Now lol..........idk! but i sure get really into shit and like, if anyone else is interested in me talking at length / drawing about it, that's sure probably the most successful grounds for Connection lmao cuz yknow. even people who maybe share that interest aren't guaranteed to see that and go "yeah this is someone i'm interested in actually talking to though" like yeah here's your preview of my personality i guess lol

April 27th: What is your favourite form of media? For example, do you enjoy books? What format do you prefer for books (physical, e-book, audiobook)? Did you love reading as a kid but find it challenging as you got older? How about movies, tv, or video games? Do you have a favourite series? yeah i read all the time as a kid, on the bus, if i finished shit early at school, on the bus again, also at home plenty, not so much when i was in college when it's like oh i can just do kinda whatever now (also as people point out it's like. well gotta do all this reading for classes now so) and then it was like, i'll get into other Media i can freely experience at any time, and also hang out with people Some, which i can also just do whenever now, as opposed to at any point before this......still like reading but it can sure kind of be a Whole Thing, like i either can't focus and it's like well time to read like, a paragraph or page a day, or else i'm focusing Too Much really like, if i'm at all trying to see how something ends i might burn through it in a few days (still a fairly slow reader) which is like, do i want to spend multiple days on this One Thing, even if it takes me like, multiple times the runtime to watch a movie or something, that's still probably getting done in 1 day. plus that yeah, mostly reading new shit via laptop, which is kind of a pain as opposed to physical books or like, e readers in theory, i've never actually used one. the only time i used an audiobook was a few times as a kid to read along with longer books to sort of help with that momentum, such a hot minute ago that this was via Tape Cassette.....i do listen to podcasts though, great for like, doing Something Else at the same time, which i don't know that i could split up that focus and guaranteed successfully absorb a book, Maybe So but select podcasts are my Extensive Audio of choice. never really watched that much tv, there were some stuff me and my siblings might watch as it aired, but not really Narrative Series lol, never seen shit, haven't even really watched That many movies either, still don't Really even though it's like yeah w/e in Theory i enjoy these mediums it's like oh my godddd it's a whole thing to focus on one and then plus what if i don't like it but i've had to put in all that time to know i didn't like it lmao.......i can enjoy keeping up with a tv series like, oh boy once a week a half hour to hour installment, that's a great format truly, but i'm rarely getting that experience lmao like. with billions you could stand 2 weeks between episodes b/c whew but it's v Rare like oh thank god, a series with that weekly release........but otherwise it's like ugh do i wanna have alllll this material to watch, do i wanna go through the whole process of figuring out what movie i feel like giving a try........and that i like Revisiting shit i already like pretty endlessly so it's like, i might just do that. so it's like, audio wise i'll put on podcasts, if i feel like watching something i Might be bothered to try out a movie or smthing b/c yknow, ultimately more doable to consume something that's just a few hours, all that when i'm Thinking About a tv series every day for years lmfao, shoutout to billions which sure gets to be my fave b/c tf else am i keeping up with, literally nothing else, even if i haven't gotten around to actually watching all of it yet / haven't simply sat straight through even the episodes i have watched, i Could do it but it's like god formidable when it's sure more than a movie's worth of content and plenty of "i don't care about this and/or hate this" to make me put my head through the wall lmfao thank you billions........also sometimes i remember like "oh yeah, i guess in theory i enjoy video games as well" but i didn't have That much experience w/them and sure don't now, so that's like well irrelevant ig. media

#30daysofautismacceptance #2021

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