askcarlislecullen

[askcarlislecullen]

oral or anal? (for sex, don't do that sassy/sarcastic thing you like to do where you're like 'oH i DoNt NeEd My AsS fOr ShiTtiNg, sO i GuEsS i'LL gO oRaL')

Rectal is the most reliable measurement of body temperature with oral at a close second though typically a half to a whole degree Fahrenheit cooler. Temporal is less reliable but much less invasive to measure. My preference is tympanic, which I find the best combination of easy to take and reliable.

As temperatures do not differ much between sexes, however, I would suggest assigning sex based on either genital presentation or, better, chromosomal makeup.

#carlisle cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

I am dying for an answer from you 😂

https://dot-the-js-and-cross-the-fs.tumblr.com/post/691222499280699392

My wife and I of course, but also while I should be used to this by now, I nevertheless do not understand why several other people have rather strong opinions about this matter?

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen #edward cullen #perplexed

[askcarlislecullen]

New drinking game idea - take a shot every time Carlisle mentions Edward, bonus points if the ask doesn't mention Edward

As a physician, I must strongly recommend against this.

#carlisle cullen #edward cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

Hi Carlisle! These questions about weight got me wondering if vampire weight fluctuates, say just before and after feeding or from the newborn stage and on.

It fluctuates only by the volume of blood we consume and only for a short time, much in the way that a human who has just quickly drunk a large coffee will briefly weigh almost exactly the weight of that coffee more than they did before drinking it. Whatever process metabolizes the blood we consume does so relatively rapidly.

The only one of my family members whose exact weight I know pre- and post-change is Edward; his weight increased by a little more than 5% from the last entry I made in his medical chart. However, he was emaciated with flu and hadn't kept food down for several days at that point so it is entirely possible that his vampire weight is the same as his healthy human weight was.

#carlisle cullen #vampire physiology

[askcarlislecullen]

Does it ever feel weird having someone who is centuries younger than you, being your boss? Do you ever feel like you're being controlled by a child? Do they ever tell you to do something that you know is stupid?

Often.

Often.

and

Often.

And no, this has nothing to do with the day I've had today, and no, I did not choose to answer this question after answering the question about how I express anger for any particular reason. Not at all.

#carlisle cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

I think that it is kind of funny that Edward breaks things. I think that it is hilarious that he can control the excruciating pain of wanting to such someone's blood, but can't handle his anger. I also think it's funny that Edward just breaks tvs and 1800s vases, or whatever, and you guys just sit there and take deep breaths or something. How do you express your anger?

I am not at all prone to anger; I tend to puzzle over things rather than react to them and thus, my reactions tend to be slow. However, my family would tell you that when I am angry, I tend to be extremely taciturn. I implode, rather than explode. This is perhaps because given how my family was formed, I feel rather impudent being angry at them, especially for innocuous things. I took their lives from them; it seems a stretch to then be tweaked because they failed to return a book from my study.

So I tend to suppress my anger and let it eat at me. This is no doubt why Murphy's law sent me a telepath, and empath, and a wife who, while ostensibly not vampirically gifted, is certainly vested with the gift of being able to see straight through the lies her husband tells himself.

#carlisle cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

carlisle have u ever said the n word….

I am nearly three hundred eighty, and I am white. Of course I have.

One hardly needs be an immortal to experience the regret of having used language the full impact of which you did not understand at the time. It happens well within a human lifetime that you'll learn that some term you've said aloud is heinous and shouldn't have been said. Assuming you don't die young, you'll experience this phenomenon if you haven't already, and unless you are a deeply callous person, you'll learn from the error.

My granddaughter is currently pressing all of us to update the language we are using with respect to sexualities and genders and disabilities. I continue to have room for growth, and suspect I always will.

#carlisle cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

did emmett say anything to rosalie or you while he was dying, before you turned him?

Emmett said a great many things to all of us while in the excruciating throes of death and The Change.

Absolutely none of them are suitable for print.

#carlisle cullen #emmett cullen #linguistic creativity

[askcarlislecullen]

Do you need to shave hair because it grows or does it stop growing as you're a vampire?

Our hair does not grow. I am grateful to have been relatively recently shaven when I was turned, but to vampire eyes, it is evident that I have a slight five o'clock shadow. My wife says it makes me look roguish.

#carlisle cullen #vampire physiology

[askcarlislecullen]

Where you and your family been living now or you still in Forks?

We left Forks when my granddaughter reached her full physical maturity over a decade ago, now.

Lately, Esme and I have been living in the continental US, and our children have been living in western Europe. For the privacy of all involved, we've all chosen not to be more specific than that.

#carlisle cullen #cover story

[askcarlislecullen]

I noticed you tagged Edward masen when replying that your favourite colour is green. Touché

I understand that one is meant to use the pound sign to add additional relevant information or humorous reflexive commentary…

#carlisle cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

Have you ever posed under another name? Maybe pretended to be a Victor, or Amos, or something. You know because people might get suspicous if they looked at the mortgages that you have payed and found out that Carlisle Cullen has been living for 300 some odd years.

I have used other pseudonyms, yes. I also currently am Carlisle Cullen V. The internal revenue service believes me to be my own ancestors.

#carlisle cullen #cover story

[askcarlislecullen]

Before people actually meet/get to know you, do they tend to assume Esme is a trophy wife or gold digger? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

At times, yes, if Edward is to be believed.

The joke is firmly on them; she earns much more money than I do.

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

Most vampires suck at math, unless you Count Dracula

@askesmecullen, I am merely pointing out that I also receive dad jokes in my inbox, therefore, probabilistically, not every single one you receive in yours came from me. ;)

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

Hi! What is your favorite color?

Green.

#carlisle cullen #edward masen

[askcarlislecullen]

Have Alice and Jasper had intercourse with each other?

Every single member of our family is a married adult.

#carlisle cullen #jasper whitlock #alice cullen

[askcarlislecullen]

In what ways is Esme the same as when you know her when she was 16 and what ways is she different?

What most fascinated me about my wife when I first met her as a girl was her tenacity and curiosity. In the 1910s, women did not even have the vote; it was seen as appropriate for a woman, especially a young woman, to be in histrionics over something like a broken bone. She came to me with an extremely serious compound fracture that in this day and age I would treat with orthopedic surgery; in those days, it was treated with laudanum and grit. And so here was this slip of a girl, terrifyingly clear-headed for having taken a rather strong opioid, asking me personal questions and not at all frightened of the gruesome injury I was repairing. (Her father, by contrast, nearly fainted and had to be sent outside for fresh air.) She asked me questions and turned the conversation incredibly personal very quickly.

Esme has always had the ability to see right through me, in a way that not even Edward with his gift is able to do. That has never changed and I am a better man for every single time she has called me on the carpet for lying to myself. Her stubbornness has never changed, either, but now it is directed to her firm love of our family.

She is different in that now, that tenacity comes from a different, older, place. She's experienced darkness and grief the depths of which I am unable to fathom. She is every bit the cheerful, hopeful, irrepressible optimist she was at sixteen, but that optimism isn't borne out of youthful inexperience. My wife has been handed the absolute worst the world had to offer her, and turned around and chose to love hard and fully anyway. Fundamentally, she is the same as she ever was and I expect, ever will be, but these days it is for a different reason, and harder won. I was in awe of her then; I am even more so now.

Even after a century, I am still surprised that she hasn't just had it with this man who is so prone to melancholy and worry for far less reason. I am grateful that every day, she chooses me again. I don't deserve to be loved with this kind of ferocity and yet, somehow, there she is.

So I do my best to give that back.

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen