#and the rise n grind get that money hustle culture is insidious and insane

[autoneurotic]

rememberrrr when i thought i would always wracked with and controlled by anxiety/ptsd/depression and that i would always be stuck in jobs that i hate and that hated me personally and now here i am like, 2 and a half years into unemployment because my beautiful partner gets paid well and i can make art, something i’ve wanted to do for ever and used to do a lot, AND squeeze out a minimal living from it?? like hello.

#being jobless has done wonders like #i’m not chronically exhausted and underweight #my mood is rarely anything other than Good and Fine #i still get lil anxiety/adrenaline heart palpitations but it’s sooo much better #i’ve taught myself a new language i’m thinking hard god help me about finding some free math courses #and trying some of that just to Prove To Myself I Can (also fuck my high school math teacher Josh if you’re out there #i harbor nothing but bitterness toward you) #i’ve made hundreds and hundreds of paintings and drawings…….. #i’ve written 10k+ words of a science fiction story i’ve been thinking about for ages but never got around to #AND IM NOT ANXIOUS! at all! i don’t want to kill my self! i haven’t self harmed in. ok like a year but still! #i just think that the work force in america is designed to fucking grind you to dust #and the rise n grind get that money hustle culture is insidious and insane #i’m going wild in these tags but it’s my post but #when i was a manager at a thrift store in town i had an asthma attack before my shift #and got to the hospital and my heart rate was dumb high so they kept me to make sure i wasn’t going to explode #and my boss kept calling and texting like. so and so is out too. we really need you. when can you come in #no one will be able to go on break if you don’t come in :/ #and when i DID come in the next day i made a big passive aggressive deal about it #and then they implemented a rule that said we weren’t allowed to talk about #our mental and physical health at work??! #so my boss would be like how are you today #and i’d say i can’t talk about that sorry :/ company policy yeah? #anyway #i’ve had a mental break down that has resulted in hospitalization with nearly every job i’ve ever had im insane baby i’m off the charts