#i tried dating once but he was just too immature for me and barely acknowledged me unless we were on a date but wanted to tout that he had

[ushidoux]

Kiss Me More - Doja Cat ft. Sza, Ushijima x Reader

Warnings: alcohol and tobacco use, creepy dudes in the club, car sex, nsfw

A/N: I cannot stop thinking about this song smh

---

It’s several minutes past midnight… your mind is hazy, it swims in the scent of the strawberry-flavored shisha that bubbles on the table before you, in the second mixed drink that’s doing a little more damage to your consciousness than it should. You are a well known lightweight, but maybe you willed yourself to be a little more drunk than you should be tonight.

Your hands drape lazily around your friend, and you laugh a little too hard, burying your face in her bare shoulder courtesy of her strapless dress, as you hold onto her for support. Her scent is comforting, not in the same way that Ushijima’s is, of course, but it’s what you need right now. Her hands play with your hair as you move in tune with the music; she wants to beat your situationship into the ground because she knows where your mind is is very precarious right now.

But for now you’re having fun.

Your dress is short and both form-fitting and flattering, and your heels are high. You look absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, and to the dismay of many, you’ve rebuffed every man who’s approached you for a dance thus far. 

In this crowded club, with bodies pressed together, heat, sweat and lust abundant in the air, you’ve stayed close to your friends, as though you were trying to stay ‘faithful’... to what exactly?

He was just so… dense. You’d never been so needy before until you’d met him. The feeling of powerlessness to decide the course of things was overwhelming; you always seemed to be waiting for him. Waiting for him to text you, touch you, acknowledge your presence.

Maybe the game you were playing was immature, but it didn’t matter how many times your phone vibrated in your bra, you were not picking up. Not tonight.

Your friend pulled back from your embrace to check a text message and glanced at you for a moment, but you were already off in a spin to the bar just paces away for drinks. 

“I’ll be right back~” you murmured, an inebriated grin on your face.

You stumbled shakily past a moving mass of bodies before reaching your destination. Leaning over the bar trying to catch the bartender’s attention, it wasn’t long before you felt a stranger’s arm snaking around your waist.

“What the-”

A quick turn had you facing a sleazy grinned man.

“What are you drinking, princess?”

He was still disgustingly close, enough that you could smell the alcohol on his tongue, but regardless, you smiled sickeningly sweetly, shaking your head before breaking free of his hold.

“I don’t drink actually,” you lied unconvincingly as if you weren’t wobbling on your feet, but you needed something to reply before you marched back over to your friends, sobering up ever so slightly. 

Once you’d rejoined your friends, you glanced over your shoulder to see him still watching you, and a shudder ran down your spine.

But you weren’t going to let yet another man ruin your fun.

“Did you call him?” Your friend asked once you’d replaced your arms around her shoulders.

Your eyebrows furrowed angrily.

“No, why would I?” 

She sighed, tired of being on her feet, and pulled you down with her to sit before taking a long draw of shisha. Your eyes focused on your other friend who’d come with her boyfriend and might as well have been dry-humping in public, she was that close to him physically.

Lack of ambiguity in a relationship was nice.

Your phone vibrated again, and you pulled it out of your bra in annoyance, setting it on the table face down without checking. 

Alcohol was waning in your system and you were starting to feel sad again, but you had been spooked enough by the creepy dude at the bar that you wouldn’t venture for a drink for a while.

Except when you looked up, you realized that that same stranger had now made his way over to you, his smile now replaced with a twisted snarl from rejection.

“Don’t be a bitch, I can see you’re just slightly off from piss drunk,” he hissed, before yanking at your arm roughly, forcing you to let out a yelp.

“What the fuck is your problem?!” Your friend shrieked, her hand raised for a firm slap only for her hand to be blocked by the man who was getting more belligerent by the second.

The pain of the grip he had on your arm was barely dulled by alcohol as you tried to wrench it away from him, wondering how the fuck someone ends up so bold as to harass women in a full club. Your friend and her boyfriend disentangled themselves quickly enough to make their way over to help you, but were beaten to it by the sound of your not-exactly boyfriend’s deep voice.

“If you’d like to keep that arm, I suggest you fuck off immediately.”

Ushijima’s large hand wrapped around the arm that was restricting yours and he wasn’t looking at you, but at the man who was harassing you, his eagle-like eyes narrowed further. Your eyes widened - he hated places like these, when did he get here? How long had he been here? Who was he with?

There was a brief moment where the two stared each other down, but your creep wasn’t able to hide the wince forming on his features as Ushijima’s hand tightened, and his fingers unfurled around yours quickly.

He stormed off, tail between his legs, through the small crowd that had now gathered to observe the scene. Now that the spotlight seemed to be on you, Ushijima interrupted his own glare at the fleeing man to give you a once over to see if you were okay, fists unclenching.

“This is certainly one way to get my attention,” he mused, and your blood boiling immediately, you considered punching him in the face, but your friend hushed you, rubbing the tender part of your forearm.

But you were still angry.

“Don’t you have practice in a couple hours? Why would you waste your time here?”

He pursed his lips somewhat, but giving a clear glance to your friend who shook her head and backed off, he reached for your hand gently.

“Next time, pick up your phone. Let’s talk somewhere privately.”

---

“I wish you would just,” your tirade was interrupted by a single hiccup, “be clear about,” you paused as though winded, but continued, “... whatever the fuck this is!”

You stopped and your words hung in the small space between you. Seated in the passenger seat of his car, you felt like the space was closing in. You hadn’t had tons of dating experience, but you’d had enough to know that it was never a good sign when someone seemed to care less than you did. You’d been dumped before and once was enough. 

The way Ushijima had you orbiting around him was embarrassing. Even when you were trying not to need him, you still ended up needing him. Sure, things would have turned out fine most likely even if he hadn’t been there, but still.

Ushijima was quiet, but his eyes remained on you. You hated how comfortable he could feel just staring, relaxed and unmoving like some kind of unnecessarily detailed sculpture.

“What do you think this is?” You finally asked. Your voice was smaller than it needed to be and again, you were embarrassed, but if he meant to break your heart, it would be better to do this when your friends were still around, waiting, and could support you.

Maybe then you could cry for real rather than grieve aimlessly while still locked in some kind of formless relationship.

“I think we’re dating, and I like you and you like me,” he finally replied. “Of course, I can’t speak for you. I hope that you feel the same way I do.”

Your heart stirred ever so slightly, and your fingers found a job adjusting the hem of your dress. Your eyes focused on the curve of your knees. He says the right things, but does he mean them?

“You’re distant. Like you can’t be bothered that I’m around.”

His hand reached out for you, his fingers resting on the nape of your neck.

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” He whispered, leaning in. His other hand closed around your chin, turning you so that you could look at him. 

In the moonlight, the hazel of his eyes was especially bright, making your heart pound. His gaze focused on the lower lip that was starting to quiver.

“I want to kiss you, but you’re still upset,” he said suddenly, directly, as though it were the most simple yet frustrating dilemma. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m not paying attention to your concerns.”

“Toshi…,” you were at a loss for words, especially with his lips so close. Your hand rested on his chest.

“Can I show you how I feel?”

You nodded, and his lips found their way onto yours.

His tongue slipped into your mouth like it was home and you accepted him in similar fashion. Your hands made their way around his neck and he hastily pulled you over the car console onto his lap, deepening the kiss as he leaned you against the steering wheel of the car. 

It wasn’t long before your body-conforming dress now covered nothing, your breasts exposed for kisses between and around them, for the gentle massage of his large hands. Your back arched as kisses littered your neck, collarbones, arms and the soft part of your belly. 

You moaned as he lowered you onto his cock that always craved the pressure of your walls around him, leaning forward and biting the flesh of his shoulder as you endured the stretch. He lay the car seat down flat, engulfing your lips with his before rolling his cock into you slowly, sensually, taking every moment for you to mewl into his open mouth. His fingers dug into the flesh of your hips, keeping you steady as he slammed you down against him, leaving marks that he would kiss away later.

He’d kiss you so many ways for so many days, months, years to come.

#ushijima x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #haikyuu smut #ushijima smut #series: songscapes #not sfw #mae.writing

[pfreadsandwrites]

I would love to request smth for your 100 follower celebration 🥰 It’s so hard to decide which prompt to choose but since I’m a sucker for some good ol‘ fluff: 77: “ Are you jealous? ” and 54: “ I can’t stand the thought of loosing you. ”. I don’t know if two prompts make it easier or harder to write smth, I hope this is ok 😅

100 follower celebration

Yet again, I am super sorry for the delay in this. Just, the weird cold i’ve had the past few days, the last one I did hardly being read, creativity, writer’s block, etc but I really hope you enjoy this @praisingkuroosbedhead !! Thank you so much for the support you’ve shown me up until now and i just realised your icon is Bisuke... I love... Also yeah i struggled a little a lot, just because I don’t think Kakashi would show his jealousy in a very obvious way, the second prompt would usually come after something kinda serious like an argument, so Kakashi having a moment of actually showing anger in his jealousy (which is what would realistically lead into the second prompt)... So i had like 3 or 4 different outlines that were way too complicated so i found this very difficult. It was nothing to do with your request though, my brain is just... empty... . I still don’t know if this one’s any good though, think i thought about it too much which made for worse writing but i still hope you enjoy! 

warnings: jealousy (duh), slight arguments, and resolution, fluff, reader being a dumbdumb, Kakashi being a dumbdumb too i guess but he’s mostly just grumpy this time, not proofread cuz my brain has gone on strike, 2.5k

taglist: @madaras-housewife @datblobbyfish @praisingkuroosbedhead @allthingskakashi @enchantedpendant @ibukiirisha @cinam00n @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @tachibrii @drunkenfists

sidenote: if anyone on my taglist could confirm they got the notification for this that would be interesting to know, but then it’s not like i can do anything about it lol.it would be cool if this showed in tumblr’s tags but i’m not holding out much hope. 

77. “Are you jealous?” / 54. “I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

It’d only lasted a second, but you could have sworn you’d seen it.

No. Though you had no proof before you, you knew you’d seen it. You saw his fist clench - just for a moment - then his strong fingers uncurled, as if regaining composure. His eyebrows knitted to a point, furrowing nicely in that way you always found so attractive, but even that was quickly replaced with that familiar, relaxed gaze you were also charmed by. Even if you were a little disappointed to see it so soon.

But when you looked again, Kakashi had disappeared from the spot he’d occupied most of the night - leaning back with one foot against the wall, arms crossed as he pretended to read that stupid book of his.

Could he have straight up teleported out of there, sick of this party, your shenanigans or both? You had to admit, you didn’t put it past him. But before you had the opportunity to explore your suspicions, a louder, less familiar voice reclaimed your thoughts.

So, reluctantly, you shifted your attention back to the drink you’d been working on and the man in front of you. You hadn’t led him on - unless repeatedly mentioning your complete lack of availability fell under that category - but Kakashi didn’t know that. And though his apparent inability to take a hint was beginning to grate on you, you had to admit that it served nicely for something else. Nothing noble - namely, eliciting a damn reaction out of your frustratingly stoic boyfriend - but it seemed effective nonetheless.

Not that it had stopped the pang of guilt creeping up from the pit of your stomach to your pounding chest. Though you were willing to deny your principles, even if only slightly, you really hadn’t meant to upset him.

But you were no fool, either.

You knew exactly what you were doing tonight.

You knew why you had come out, why you had chosen this dress, and why you had asked that Kakashi come along tonight.

At first, he had refused dismissively. Like he tended to do these days. But when he saw that you were set on going, with or without him, dressed like that - he suddenly decided that he ‘would tag along for a bit if you absolutely insisted’. You had smirked, amused at how he feigned like you were forcing him, but didn’t challenge him. 

You knew just how immature you were being. You were sure Kakashi did too, but it was very nice of him to let himself be swayed despite that, just this once.

But it was the best you could do, considering the circumstances. Every date he had to cancel, every night he came back after you went to bed and every morning he was gone before you woke up - you were at your limit.

You were willing to get his attention in any way you could.

The fact that he was currently out of sight was a mild dampener on your plan, but no matter - surely it was a sign that you’d succeeded, albeit a small one.

It was big enough for you to decide to find him, anyway. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d even manage to actually talk to him about everything bothering you. Imagine that, an honest-to-God conversation! You didn’t think you were being too optimistic.

You made to slip away from the stranger attempting to retain monopoly on your attention as politely as possible. Unfortunately, his alcohol-fuelled indignation appeared to have got the best of him, and he grabbed your wrist, holding you firmly in place. You tensed, but your pleasant smile barely had the chance to transform before you felt another hand on you. On your shoulder, this time, but it was familiar.

“Hey Y/N.”

Kakashi’s nonchalant voice alone quelled that surge of anger and fear that had been bubbling beneath you. When you looked up at him, your shoulders relaxed involuntarily. Not that you had needed him exactly. You could handle an overzealous drunk at the very least, but he had that knack for allowing you to just breathe. “Hi.”

Your nuisance’s confidence dissipated just as quickly as it gathered. Evidently, he hadn’t expected to encounter the Kakashi Hatake tonight, especially not alongside you of all people. Kakashi hadn’t sounded threatening, not obviously anyway, but he didn’t need to. His reputation preceded him, and he counted on that fact - and sure enough, the other man let go of you immediately.

“Is there a problem here?” Kakashi wondered. Only the gruff tone at the end of his question belied his (potentially) aggressive implications, but it was all he needed.

“No! No problem at all!,” the other man assured, and moved back, suddenly very careful to observe his distance.

It was amusing to see the change yourself, the intimidating effect Kakashi had on others without even trying. If you didn’t know him better, you’d have felt too scared to try and mess with him in the first place.

“Glad to hear it! Now, if you’ll excuse us…,” his voice trailed off. He didn’t bother explaining himself further, or giving you time to argue, before pulling you away and through the crowd of people.

You almost stumbled, struggling to keep up with him in your heels. As much as you were happy to get the alone time you wanted, his hasty actions unnerved you a little. You noticed that his eyes were narrowed, the furrowed brow from before back with a vengeance. Was he actually angry? “Kakashi, wait! where are we -”

“Let’s just get some air.”

You couldn’t deny that sounded nice, and the peace and quiet on the rooftop was a welcome change from the raucous energy of the party beneath it. But Kakashi didn’t say anything else. He only adopted a similar position to the one he’d had inside, leaning against the roof door with his arms folded and eyes closed.

The air was suddenly… dense. This was uncomfortable. You sighed, and he peered an eye open to look at you. Still saying nothing, but at least it was acknowledgement. Taking your cue to approach him, you attempted to make sense of your current situation.

“Are you jealous?”

You asked it before you knew what you were saying. In hindsight, it was a stupid question. You knew that. Even if there were any inkling of truth behind it (and you suspected there was), Kakashi would vehemently deny it. No. He was above that - obviously. He wouldn’t allow himself to be manipulated by your obvious behaviour, by an an emotion as petty and irrational as mere jealousy.

Even as his actions belied his words, as they so typically did, as he had placed that large hand on your shoulder and led you away from your latest admirer, in that powerful but completely lackadaisical way that only he was capable of. Never realising how imposing he could be until you were up close, but never betraying that control either. God forbid he ever show that you were capable of bothering him.

When you glanced back at him, though, Kakashi was frowning again. His mask wasn’t the amazing obstacle he thought it was; you’d become quite adept at reading his expression through his eyes alone where others couldn’t.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said flatly. The subtle growl that accompanied his final syllable contrasted with the joviality your question, and it caught you off-guard. You had been cheerful enough, even teasing, but his stern glare and suddenly intimidating stature (he was so good at hiding it) cut through the levity you’d tried to bring to the situation. Suddenly, you were confronted with every implication of your actions tonight.

But you could only think of one acceptable way to shroud your nascent insecurity. Indignation and   feigned confidence. “Why is it ridiculous?! Why did you pull me away like that if you weren’t?”

“Well, it seemed like he wasn’t getting it,” Kakashi shrugged. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No! But I could have handled it,” you sighed, but you didn’t have much faith in your words. You were sure you could have, probably, but you both knew you didn’t exactly hate the idea of him - specifically him - helping you like that. Even if you didn’t always like to admit it.

He hummed, amused, and you felt like he might have been smirking under his stupid mask. “Well, that’s probably true. But you were too busy playing games to notice what was going on.”

“I wasn’t playing games,” you hissed. Yet again, your words felt empty. But you hated being so transparent.

“If you say so. Care to enlighten me on what you were doing then?”

That scar that cut through his left eye, that was so engraved into his skin did an excellent job at cutting through your defences too. He was so good at seeing through you, you were surprised at the prospect of having to explain yourself. You had the inkling he just wanted you to admit it, the asshole, regardless of what it would do to your dignity. “Well, I-I don’t know.”

Kakashi folded his arms, as unimpressed by your response as you were taken aback.  “Well, by all means, go back to him and figure it out.”

That was it. How willing he was to dismiss you, again. His tone sparked your own anger, and you were suddenly hit with the frustration of not just tonight, but of everything up until now.

“Why are you being such a jerk about it? Don’t you understand that tonight is the most emotion I’ve had out of you in weeks? I’ve tried so hard to be patient, and now I’m trying to be more obvious, and maybe this wasn’t the best way of handling it, but you don’t make it easy! You barely pay attention, then you act as if another man paying attention is meaningless, and then - Don’t you understand that I just miss you, but you don’t…,” your voice trailed off, and that dumbfounded wide-eyed stare Kakashi was giving you was the final straw. You were overwhelmed. You were exhausted. You were annoyed. How could he have the gall to look shocked while you bore your (admittedly, slightly nonsensical) soul to him? Your breath eventually caught up with your words, and the embarrassment at your rare tears and even rarer outburst lagged behind. You turned away.  

“Y/N, I didn’t mean to - I just. Hey. Don’t cry.” It was Kakashi’s turn to stumble over his words. His breath hitched. “I miss you too. I’m sorry.”

You didn’t say anything, though you couldn’t exactly grant his request. How were you supposed to stop crying, when this was the first time he’d shown any regret, any realisation, over your feelings tonight? Had he honestly no idea? On second thought, you didn’t doubt that after all. The concern in his voice was genuine, and you knew he was even worse at working through his feelings than you were.

“I can’t stand the thought of losing you,” Kakashi whispered, just loud enough for you to hear. You turned back, something in that gravelly timbre of his voice pulling at your heartstrings. When you met his sincere gaze, he quickly closed the gap between you. When his thumbs moved to still your tears, your hands travelled to meet his. This was the closest you’d been in weeks. 

“You have a funny way of showing that,” you admitted with a sniff. 

He hesitated. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t figure out how to fix it. So with work, I let myself get distracted. I didn’t know what to do about… any of it”

His words and intent eyes render you touched, but ultimately, confused. You struggled to assuage both you and himself. “You’re the one that pulled away. Don’t you get that I don’t like the thought of losing you either? But at least I was doing something about it.”

“You think that was doing something about it?” His tone was a little too accusatory, and he knew it, relenting with a sigh before you had a chance to argue your case again. “Right. You were. It wasn’t very effective, or sensible - I know, I know - but it was more than what I was doing.”

You remained silent, ruminating on his words. It was nice to hear, affirming to have some admission that you weren’t the only one, that you were justified in your feelings. But you knew you weren’t guiltless either.  “But I’m sorry. It was stupid to make you jealous. I should have just talked to you.”

“Yes, it was, and yes, you should have,” he agreed, a little too readily. You rolled your eyes, but he leant in close, as if in response, completely aware of the fact that he made your cheeks flare up. He leant down, lips dangerously close to your ear now, and went on in that huskier whisper that sent a shiver up your spine. “But it did work. It drove me crazy.  Seeing them all look at you like that. Seeing him look at you like that. Watching him trying to get close to you. When he tried to touch you. ”

Wait? Did Kakashi just say it worked? Did you finally get him to admit that he was jealous? You allowed yourself an internal cheer of triumph. “I knew it!”  An external one, too.

Never one to let you revel in your victories, least of all the petty ones, Kakashi stood up straight and went on. “Anyway. I’m sorry for being as distant as I was. I’m the one who put you in that position. I suppose I should have just talked to you too.”

“You suppose?”

Kakashi chuckled, tugging his mask down. You saw a glimpse of that genuine, handsome, smile - and you realised how long it’s been since you’ve really seen it. You were still pondering it when he kissed you. It was soft, sweet, apologetic - but much too short, and he was pulling his mask up before you could protest. “It’s nice to be gracious, Y/N. You were right. For the most part. Can’t we leave it at that?”

You gave an obnoxious sigh before grinning at him. “I suppose.”

“Thank you. Now, can we please go home already?”

You giggled, forgetting your self-consciousness for the moment, and placed a kiss on the masked part of his cheek. “Sure. Hey, make me a promise, though?”

He looked at you expectantly, even a bit apprehensive.

You reached up, your lips just as dangerously close to the shell of his ear as his had been to yours, and whispered. “Do you promise to make up for the distance, if I promise to make up for driving you crazy?”

Kakashi didn’t say anything, but you got the feeling that he didn’t have a problem with your terms. Something in the way he led you out, just as he had led you away from that nuisance. Something in the way he’d picked you up and carried you to bed that night, and in the way he held you close afterwards, his grip unrelenting. Something in that smile that you had missed so much, that was only for you.

It only lasted for a second, but you could have sworn you’d seen it.

#kakashi x reader #kakashi #kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #naruto #kakashi fanfic #pfwrites #a lot of words but a lot of nothing #i feel like this is a fluffy nothing #enchantedpendant yours is next!! i'm scared/excited to start yours #so i can write an angsty nothing

[thattimdrakeguy]

Why, uh, do ppl hate Tim so much? I just fell down a hole of anti tim and I can’t find a..valid reason for the hate besides that fact tht hes rich and white?

From my experience it’s one of those things where Tim has antagonistic relationships with other Bat-Family members like Damian, Jason, and even partially Steph. So they just crap on Tim, because it’ll make their favs look better.

Like that’s genuinely been the main reason I see, and they use the fact he’s rich and white to make it seem like it’s a social justice thing, even though in the end it really isn’t.

I sort of rant for the rest of the post going in more detail, and mentioning things I’ve been shown, and why I think a lot of it is dumb, but basically it’s just people being petty and insecure, and being unable to handle things in any other way than childishly.

For some Jason fans I’ve seen them talk about how much they hate Tim because they replaced the poor kid with a rich kid, but I’m really freaking poor myself. Obviously I’m not homeless, but there was a time in my life where I slept on the floor, and later on after I did have a bed my bed room had a hole in the floor. But, they’re just looking too deep into stuff just to find a problem anywhere they can.

I’ve also seen some say Tim bullied his way into being Robin after the poor kid died. When 1) that isn’t even an accurate description of what happened and 2) they’re obviously just trying to word it the worst way possible, because they’re pretty freaking childish.

Damian fans try to make Tim and his fans out to be racist cause Tim doesn’t like Damian, when that’s actually because Damian got so close to killing Tim I’m pretty sure Tim actually did nearly die from bleeding out. I think also because Tim once said “what about his biology” when referring to Damian, when Tim wasn’t referring to his race, he was referring to how he’s related to criminals and Damian literally had his biology messed with to make him a fierce warrior and a good body for Ra’s.

Steph fans also try to make Tim and his fans out to be sexist. But their reasoning is really weak, because it’s literally just boiled down to Tim being mean to Steph sometimes, but it’s not like that’s cause of her gender for that to make sense. It’s because in context she is an untrained citizens constantly putting herself and potentially others in-danger without any training to feel safe with her constantly being out there. Plus she flirted with him so much to the point it made him uncomfortable and fit the literal definition of sexual harassment.

And they always do that thing where they gotta make their favs sound better, and Tim sound worse. Which admittedly Tim fans do the same thing, but I’m not really here to pick a side. I’m just here pointing out how freaking annoying fandoms can be, because ultimately I don’t really care what fandom does it. At the moment though I can confidently say, that other fandoms are doing it a lot more than Tim ones lately, because I’m in the Tim tags at least twice a day most days and I’ve barely seen it lately.

It’s kind of a thing to project a lot of stuff on the Tim fandom for the same faux-social-justice kind of jargon they try to do. When you see it from a view like mine, where I’m not on any side of any fandom, even if I am a Tim fan (cause I never really been into deep fandom stuff), it just comes off as hypocritical frankly.

(If you want to hear some dumb things some Tim fans do to even it up, they make him the most frail, emo, emotionally unstable kid ever sometimes. They can focus way too much on making him sympathetic (but even then, literally every fandom does that, but the Tim fandom always does it in a very notable depressing way). They also focus so much on coffee and practically act like he’s all pilled up on anti-depressants he just acts weird that it just seems obsessive and very out of character.)

Like as some examples they’ll bring up how Tim doesn’t trust Damian and put him on a list of potential threats. But Damian literally nearly caused Tim’s death, nearly caused it again in the same story, and at the end it’s shown that Damian isn’t on there because Tim considers him a villain, it’s because he has potential to be dangerous. Wonder Woman and Red Tornado are also on the same list.

To me, I just look at that story as ridiculous, because Damian isn’t dumb, and Tim literally spoke against contingency plan stuff before. Damian’s going to need more than to be on a vague list as a potential threat, especially when he’s visibly on the hero side of it. Damian’s not that thinned skin. He’s got a temper, and obviously really doesn’t like Tim, but even when he felt Tim was insulting him or being patronizing to him before he didn’t try to kill him then immediately. He tried to kill him because he thought that’s what he was supposed to do to earn his place beside his father.

The story’s just dumb in-general.

And then they pull out the New 52 story where Tim is just being a dick to Damian for no good reason, but it’s the same kind of thing. Tim was never that much of a dick without being provoked. The only time I think Tim started a fight was in Red Robin where he was on pills that messed with his mental state, and again had everyone out of character regardless. Because 1) Dick wouldn’t just give away Robin from Tim, because he knows better than that. 2) Damian acts like he’s happy his dad is dead and just acts like a generic child and not even like Damian. And 3) I legitimately can’t see Tim just hitting a kid, even Damian, unless a fight already breaks out.

For Steph fans they point out how Tim is passive aggressive to her, constantly doesn’t want her to be Spoiler, and yada yada. Probably because her Batgirl run portrayed that as being mentally scarring to Steph. Even though one of the panels they chose of Tim being upset and not wanting her to be Spoiler, was after Steph caused Tim to be disfigured and on the pills that messed with his mental state to begin with. Which inadvertedly just makes her look self-centered and narcissistic. But again, I don’t even consider that in-character, because 1) I don’t buy that Steph would listen to Batman especially when it puts Tim in danger, because she never gave a crap about what Batman said till they needed to villainize her before she died. 2) Steph can be arrogant and self-centered, she has it in her, but she wouldn’t ever be that self-centered, to the point she just looks narcissistic. 3) I’m pretty sure at the actual time it happened, Steph is shown being aware she messed up. 4) Steph never cared what others thought. She trespassed on other people’s property to party. She’s a very confident person the majority of the time. Batman tells her to knock it off, she might as well flip him the bird because she just finds him more annoying than anything else. It’s literally in her origin that she doesn’t even like Batman.

There’s also the context for in the 90s when Tim first started doing it. Steph was portrayed as a reckless citizen that could potentially get herself and others into harm because she didn’t know what she was doing, and didn’t have the highest morals. That’s not anything any of the bats would encourage. If Tim was extra passive aggressive, he’s a literal thirteen to fifteen year old boy during that time, no duh he’s going to be immature. That still isn’t a sexism thing. Steph may had saved him twice, but that wasn’t portrayed even in-story as a sign she can handle it like a pro. It was always portrayed as “thank goodness she was with Tim at that time, and knew where he was to save him”. Not to say she was completely unskilled, because I’m not taking that far, but just speaking in generalizations.

She was originally added into Robin to be a very specific foil to Tim, and be a general pain in his side. That was their dynamic. If that makes it seem weird that they eventually had them date then I agree.

And at the same time for both of their characters they also ignore what the character they’re trying to defend has done, because Damian literally nearly killed Tim. They act like Tim should just get over it, because Damian was a kid in a cult, but that explains why Damian did it, it doesn’t excuse it. When something like that happens the person who was nearly killed is probably going to be traumatized (rather or not Tim was can be argued, I’m not saying he was or wasn’t), and not ever trust the person. Like that is the natural and most accurate response for it.

It’s just villainizing for the sake of being petty.

With Steph they ignore the fact she essentially sexually harassed Tim all the time and straight up emotionally abused him for an arc. Which her fans hate to hear, but that is stuff that happened. It was written by her creator. I don’t really care if Tim took her costume away or kissed her first, because I’m aware, and I know the contexts, and it doesn’t take away from what she’s done, because that’s not how that works. They also ignore she caused Tim to be disfigured by saying she was just doing what Batman said. But at that point she was also an adult, and would know better.

Like Steph can be reckless, that’s part of her character, but she isn’t an idiot.

In the end, from what all I’ve seen, it’s literally just fandom pettiness. There’s a lot of fans out there that act childish, treat people like idiots, blatantly lie about things, or exaggerate stuff.

It’s all very dumb, but I find it hard to take serious, because if they can’t acknowledge what their own favs have actually done, it just comes across like they genuinely don’t like the character and can’t admit it. They prefer to stay in their candy land so they gaslit others instead.

For me it’s as easy as paying attention to the story, seeing the contexts, and a lot of the time it’s not even a thing that’s in-character for any of the characters involved, or at least the very least not nearly as serious as they treat it.

Especially for around the past 15 or more years or so. By then the care in making everything is crafted and makes sense went down the drain so it’s often that a story doesn’t even make sense to begin with.

They think fandom is about making everyone else look bad apparently, or at least they sure act like it.

Like it’s comics. I think the fandom in-general that gets so worked up over stuff needs to relax, deattach yourself to look at it from the grander view, and calm down over it. Because things aren’t always what they seem. People try to convince themselves of so much stuff, or bully others for so much stuff, and it’s all so petty and unhealthy.

My personal philosophy in the fandom to avoid any toxic behavior is to just keep it real. I don’t lie to myself, I give everything the same standard, I definitely don’t bully or gaslit anyone, I don’t treat my favorite like they’re a real dang person either, and I look at it all like how it is, fiction.

It’s the reason why I get upset at writing and not fictional characters. I don’t ultimately care when a character does a bad thing, unless it’s out of character. To me the only thing I get upset with is the writing, because it’s the only thing that’s real.

Don’t be obsessed, and keep the peace essentially.

[haileygarciasunshine]

Dark Empress

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

Warning: mentions of blood, swearing

Word Count: 1,822

Part Two

This has been something floating around in my head for awhile now🤷‍♀️🤪

The galaxy had an infinite number of stars, and an infinite number of galaxies that could, or couldn’t have living beings in them. Letting out a frustrated groan, you couldn’t help but believe you were the dumbest in all the galaxies. You had gotten captured by Storm Troopers. It’s not like they would let you go. You were a higher up in the Resistance.

It wasn’t until you were captured that you felt scared. Of course you’ve been captured before, but you’ve never been captured by the Empire before. It wasn’t until recently that there was talk going around about, how bad ‘Kylo Ren’ was. He was tough and didn’t care about anyone he hurt.

That didn’t give you much hope in getting out alive let alone much hope in getting out. You knew the chances of surviving your capture would be slim to none. Being force sensitive you had met Kylo, on several occasions. After the first couple meetings, it was almost like you could sense something. Something like, kindness. You didn’t know much about him, but you knew enough to form your own opinion about him. One of them being he was misunderstood. Being the kind hearted person you were, you often tried to see the good in people, even if that person was the leader of the Empire.

Over the last few months, you had started to develop feelings for Kylo, though you’d never admit it aloud. Seemingly, as you accepted your fate, two Storm Troopers appeared in front of your cell block.

“Come with us.” They said as their voices were masked by a mechanical sound from their helmets.

You rolled your eyes before responding with a scoff, “Like I have a choice, you goons.”

Once they entered your cell block, they placed thick metal handcuffs that were connected together by a chain. There was a Storm Trooper in front of you, and one behind you, leaving you with no way to escape. It wasn’t apparent where they were leading you, but it was farther than they had before.

They lead you into an interrogation room. As the realization dawned on you, you tried to bolt from the room. The Storm troopers were quick and injected you with anesthetics. Once, you had awoken you noticed a familiar face. It was Kylo Ren. You were strapped to an interrogation chair with invisible straps.

“Good. You’re awake.” His deep voice sounded.

“What do you want from me?” You spat voice filled with bitterness.

“I think you know what I want.”

“I’m not of any use to you. We both know that. Why don’t you save us both some time and let me go.”

“Now why would I do that? Here I thought we were having fun.”

Before you could snap back, you felt excruciating pain in your mind. He was trying to pry the information from you. He wanted the satisfaction of seeing your pain, but you weren’t going to give it to him. It took every once of strength you had, not to scream or cry or flinch in pain.

“Why don’t you save your flirting for the scavenger girl.” You quipped back, it was evident on his face you had caught him off guard.

With a huff, he exited the room. The feeling of relief had flooded through your body as you almost collapse against the chair.

It had been three days since your last encounter with Kylo. You didn’t bother moving from your current position during that time. Laying on your left side, looking out of the window, wondering how Finn and Poe were doing. 

Kylo, decided that he was going to have you one last shot. He appeared at the door to your cell block, not even bothering to acknowledge the intruder. 

“Follow me.” 

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’? I want to discuss something.”

“Since when?”

Kylo let out a frustrated groan. If you weren’t the most stubborn person he had ever met. Here he thought he was.

“Come with me, don’t come with me. Fine.”

“Alright. I’ll bite.”

This caught him off guard. He hadn’t expected you to fold so quickly. As you were following him, to where ever it is he wanted to take you, the thought of going into his mind crossed through yours. Why not take a chance seeing as you won’t live to tell the tale. It only took a matter of seconds for him to react.

“Don’t ever try to get inside my head,” he snarled, slamming you against one of the hallway walls in the ship, trapping you between either of his arms. It felt like years had passed under his intense glare. After, awhile his expression softened along with his voice, “It’s too dark for you.” Taking a step back, he continued on down the hallway, expecting you to follow, as you did. 

He took you to the command center, giving you one last chance to become one of the First Order Commanders. Both of you stood in the middle of the command center arguing. 

“Nobody else will be as understanding as I am.” He spat bitterly.

“Oh? Is this you being understanding?”

“This is a serious matter. Being immature won’t help you.”

“Oh please. You’re just pissed because you won’t get to play hero.”

Letting out a frustrated huff he continued, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means, that I can save myself. I don’t need the ‘great’ Kylo Ren, to step in and save me!”

“Wh-”

“I’m a damsel. I’m in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day!”

Turning on your heels, you angerly, walked towards the door. As, soon as you had made it into the hallway, there was a man that collapsed five feet away from you. Seeing as you were a Doctor for the Resistance, you bolted over to the unconscious man. 

“Sir can you hear me?”

He let out a moan in pain.

“Sir, my name is Y/N. I’m a Doctor, i’m here to help.”

You were so engrossed in trying to help the man, that you didn’t notice Kylo make his way over to you, and observe you. A couple First Order Medical personal, had made their way to you. 

 “How can we help?”

Being so focused on helping the man, you barely registered what they were saying to you. It wasn’t long before the man came to and was yelling expletives at everyone around him. He took a look at your outfit and saw that it wasn’t what the First Order workers wear. You had sent the First Order medical personal to get the necessary supplies needed to help him.

“Get away from me, you Rebel Scum!”

“Sir, I need you to calm down.”

“Don’t touch me with your filthy Rebel hands!”

It had been a long day. You were tired of putting up with the First Order and their crap. The mad had been shot, and the bullet that was lodged safety has now been dislodged.

“If you want me to stop, then I will. I won’t bother wasting my time for someone who can’t see past the First Order.”

By this time you were covered in this mans blood.

“Daddy!”

“Don’t be stupid John! Let the woman help you! Please!”

You and John turned to look at both his daughter, and an older woman you presumed to be his wife. 

“They’re right,” he said breathy, “I’m sor...”

“John!”

“Daddy!” 

“Get them away from here!” you yelled to nobody in particular. There was a big crowd starting to form in the hallway you were currently occupying. 

“You heard her get everyone out of here!” A husky voice barked. Flinching, you didn’t think he would still be there. Continuing to work feverishly, you were able to get John stable. He was currently in the infirmary, hooked up to an IV, sleeping. You and Kylo, had been sitting beside his bed. Surprisingly, he staid with you the whole time.

“Go on baby, ask her.”

 “Excuse me, Miss Y/N?”

You and Kylo, moved to the hallway to speak to the wife and daughter of John.

“Yes?”

“We just want to say thank you, for saving daddy.” The little girl hurled her tiny body, at your legs in an effort to hug you. Chuckling, you knelt down so you could give her a proper hug. 

“Do you think the tall man in black would let me hug him?” she whispered in your ear.

A warm smile, had spread across your face, “Let me ask him.” You whispered back. She still had her arms wrapped around your neck when you decided to press your luck. You reached up to where Kylo’s gloved hand was, before wrapping your fingers around his, and lightly tugging them down. To your surprise, Kylo obliged kneeling down close to you. 

Slightly leaning over to him, you whispered, “she would like to know if she could give you a hug too.” Surprise, spread across his face, as he looked between your face and the small girls face.

“Okay Mia, that’s enough for today. I don’t think the ‘Supreme Leader,’ wants to be bothered by this.” Her mom interjected.

“It’s alright.” Kylo said softly, causing Mia to squeal, and throw herself at Kylo causing him to lose balance, and fall backwards with Mia clinging to him. He looked at you with shock in his face. The scene before you, caused you to giggle and then burst out laughing. Kylo had a not too subtle blush on his cheeks. 

“Mia! I’m so sorry Supreme Leader!” Her mom bellowed. Once, Kylo gained composure, he sat upright with Mia in his lap. His Leg was fully touching yours at this point, and neither of you tried to move away.

“It’s quite alright.” 

Mia looked between you and Kylo, before she threw one of her arms around you, and the other around him pulling the both of you in for one last hug. Kylo’s right arm, wrapped around your waist to keep the three of you balanced, the touching gesture, caught you off guard. 

“Say goodbye Mia. Let’s go home.”

Both you and Kylo waved to her as she left. 

“Don’t say anything.” His voice laced with sarcasm.

“What? I wasn’t going to!” You smiled, laughing.

Kylo, had talked you into working as a Doctor, for the First Order. It wasn’t hard, considering you loved being able to help people. It had been almost a year since you joined the First Order. You weren’t a solider, but you did help the wounded ones, that came back. 

Over that time, you and Kylo had grown close, especially, since you shared a force bond. He would consider you his friend, while you had developed romantic feelings for him. Tonight, there was a big ball and Kylo, had invited you to go as his date. You wanted to take the leap and try to get him to see you as something other than a friend. 

#found on giphy #giphy #adamdriverimagine #adamdriver #drabble #starwars #blurb #imagine #adam driver #oneshot #kyloren #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylorenxreader #x reader #kylorenimagine #kylo ren imagine #star wars #star wars imagine #starwarsimagine

[srhlsx]

CHAPTER 21

master | ch. 20 | ch. 22

You realized that you were being a little immature about things, but you never really handled discomfort well and your decision to avoid Iwaizumi stuck. Oikawa was little help in that area. After your talk in the dance studio that day, you didn’t feel it was right to bother him with your own emotional baggage so you kept it stowed away inside your mind to collect dust.

“(Y/n)? (Y/n)!”

You snapped back into reality, shaking your head to clear away the fog that was clouding your mind. How long had you been spacing out for? “Sorry,” You mumbled. You looked up from where your gaze had been focused on the floor to the awaiting members of the dance team.

They looked at one another nervously, silently asking what could be wrong with their captain for her to space out so easily during practice. Your focus never wavered so they knew it had to be something serious. They waited patiently, enjoying the brief break they were allowed at your expense.

“Um,” You looked around, eyebrows furrowed as you thought. For once in your life you just weren’t in it. Your heart and mind were somewhere else. “I’m sorry, everyone. Let’s call it for today? Go home and rest, eat a good meal, all that nonsense.”

The team let out a collective sigh, some girls even letting a smile cross their features at the thought of being able to go home early. It was surprising, with the competition to qualify for national’s coming up, it was expected to be practicing deep into the night.

You stayed behind to clean up while the rest of the team cleared out. You were putting away the towels and mop when you heard Ichika call out from the door to you, “You have a visitor~” She sang.

You peeked around the door of the storage room and immediately felt your heart sink. Iwaizumi stood there, still in his uniform which meant he had been waiting since the end of the school day. Ichika studied your interaction for a moment, wondering if she should leave or not. She wasn’t stupid, she knew sexual tension when she saw it. Saying goodbye to you with a wave, she left you to be alone with the boy you were trying to avoid.

You went for the childish route and didn’t say anything, just shut the storage room door and walked over to your things. Feeling Iwaizumi’s eyes on your movements, you did your best to not look at him. Maybe he wasn’t there. Or maybe if you didn’t acknowledge him then you wouldn’t have to address anything and you could just go home-

“(Y/n), ignoring me isn’t going to make me go away.”

Damn.

“I’m not ignoring you.” You said, your voice was way higher than normal which made you internally cringe.

“You are.” He said bluntly. “You have been. I’m not dumb.”

“I never said you were dumb.” That made you look at him, he was a lot closer to you than you had thought. You reached down to grab your bags, hauling them over your shoulders and turning to face him. “Look, Iwaiz-”

“Don’t.” He cut you off. His tone was hard, loud, and to anyone else it would make them afraid. When you looked him in the eyes, for the first time in days, they held a sad shine to them that told you it was taking everything in his power not to absolutely lose it on you. “Don’t call me that. Don’t shut me out and try to distance yourself.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat that had formed from being called out like that. He was right, you were trying to push him away. “Fine, Hajime,” You started again. “What happened… has been happening between us… I’m sorry about what I said.”

He looked startled, confused, his once angered expression softened considerably as he listened to you. He saw how nervous you were, distracted by your own thoughts and all he wanted to do was reach out and hold you. Iwaizumi knew that if he reached out to you it would go one of two ways; either you would return the embrace and things would be okay, or you would reject him. The mere thought of the second option terrified him and he didn’t think his heart could handle you pushing him away.

“I think that, with your season being over, you were really sad and came to me.” You spoke again. “And I took advantage of that moment and said something that wasn’t what you needed to hear in that moment, that was selfish of me.”

“(Y/n),” His voice was barely above a whisper. “That’s not true, at all. I-”

“You don’t have to explain, Haji.” You said. “Honestly. It was great, all of it. I don’t regret how I feel-”

“Regret?” He started getting worked up, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to understand all that you were saying to him. “(Y/n), please can we talk about this? Why are you trying to push me away? Why are you acting like things are over? Don’t I get a say in any of this?”

“Haji, I put myself out there and told you how I felt. You didn’t say anything. You’re still not saying anything.” No crying. No fucking crying. “Aren’t things over?”

- - - - -

Oikawa noticed it right away.

Most people didn’t know it, but he was excellent at reading those around him. While it took him a little longer to finally determine what was going on between you and Iwaizumi initially, he instantly knew when things suddenly made a turn for the worse. You were skilled at keeping your emotions in check so the way that you acted towards him and the other third years was no different than it had been the entire school year. 

But towards the ace? You were acting… distant.

You decided the best course of action was to treat Iwaizumi the same way you would treat any other guy friend, besides Oikawa because you were still fake dating, but to anyone on the outside Iwaizumi Hajime was on the same level to you as Matsukawa or Hanamaki. He was the friend of your boyfriend, who happened to be in all your classes. 

This was killing you inside. 

Something had finally broken in you after that day in the dance studio. The way he looked at you, the way he still hadn’t said anything to you. It made you feel lost. It made you feel alone. It made you cry into your pillow at night, the same one that you were ashamed to admit still smelled a little bit like him. Most of all it made you feel, very deeply, in love with him. So acting like he was just your friend was not easy.

You were staring at a pile of boxes near the main administrative office of the school, your hands on your hips as you thought about how you were to accomplish the task in front of you. The boxes were filled with costumes the dance club would wear for the upcoming competition, and while they weren’t necessarily heavy there were more than you could handle in one trip. “D’you need help or somethin’?”

Surprised, you turned your head quickly at the almost unfamiliar voice. Even though the question wasn’t aggressive at all, the scowl on the boy’s face seemed permanently etched onto his features. You nodded and he bent down without another word and easily grabbed two of the three total boxes, you grabbed the last one. Silently, the two of you walked towards the dance studio.

“Tooru only ever calls you Mad Dog, but I assume that’s not actually your given name.” You looked at the stoic boy next to you, the silence getting a little weird. 

He pouted his face for a minute before relaxing and looking at you from the corner of his eye. “Kyoutani Kentarou,” He grumbled. 

“Well, Kentarou,” You smiled sweetly, seeing his cheeks flush very lightly at your brazen use of his first name. “I really appreciate your help.” 

As you walked, you continued to talk idly with the second year. He didn’t say much back in response other than a few grunts, but you didn’t mind. You got the impression he didn’t talk with many people in general and a few times you caught him suppressing a smile at one or two of your poorly told jokes.

“(Y/n)! Mad Dog?” As you approached the dance studio you saw Oikaw coming up towards you, a smile on his face but his eyes a little weirded out when he saw who you were with. “What an odd pair to see together!”

“Kentarou was helping me with these,” You shrugged your shoulders to show Oikawa the boxes you were both holding. The second year boy stood awkwardly off to the side, not exactly sure how he was supposed to act now that his previous captain was around. He’d never quite clicked with the guy, but he respected him enough since Iwaizumi did. And if a girl like you was dating him, then he supposed he was alright. He may not be the most social person at the school, but he did know how to read social cues and he could tell that Oikawa wanted to talk to you about something.

“I can take that one,” He mumbled, motioning with his chin towards the box you were carrying. He bent down a little when you hesitated and nodded again for you to stack the box on top of the ones he was already holding. The added weight was nothing to him and he walked away towards the entrance of the dance studio. Ichika greeted him at the door after waving at you to check what he was holding.

“That was odd.” Oikawa said, grumbling a little bit. In reality he was just surprised you had managed to interact with Mad Dog in a mostly positive way. 

“He’s super sweet actually,” You said, scratching the back of your head as you looked up at Oikawa with a closed eye smile. “Anyways, did you need something?”

“(Y/n), the Autumn dance is coming up~” He looked down at you with an excited glint to his chocolate eyes. You hummed to let him know you were listening. “Our last dance as third years. Exciting, isn’t it?”

“I guess,” You shrugged, looking at him skeptically. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“Well, if it’s not too much to ask of you, and if you don’t already have a date, I would be honored to be yours.” He flashed that charming smile of his down at you.

“Who else would I go with, you dummy, people still think we are dating.” You smiled up at him sweetly, pinching his cheek lightly. “I’d love to go with you.”

“Great, because I think we have a really good chance at being voted King and Queen.”

“Oh, get the fuck out of here, Tooru.” You laughed loudly, pushing him away as you turned to walk towards the dance studio. “Here I am thinking that you were being cute about the whole thing. If that’s what you care about, I’ll ask my new friend Kentarou. Or maybe I’ll see if Tendou wanted to go with me? He’s very persistent on social media.”

“No.” Oikawa said quickly, sharply, which made you laugh. “You have to go with me. Besides, we both know that in reality you should be going with-”

“Please don’t, Tooru.” You cut him off, your voice quiet but strong enough that it stopped him.

“You have to talk to him eventually,” He said, reaching up to smooth out your hair as a gust of wind blew by.

“I don’t have to do shit,” You responded, snapping more than you had intended to but the last thing you needed was for Oikawa Tooru to lecture you on your love life. “I’m sorry. I should get going. Let’s go shopping tomorrow for something to wear okay?”

He looked at you with a studying gaze before wrapping an arm around your neck and pulling you in for a short hug. “Okay, (y/n), have fun at club.”

TAGS: @iihxneybunz75​ @bambisfuneral​ @svtbitch​ @gayverlinq​ @bubbleteaa​ @keekee-732​ @oikawannabeyourbabie​ @halxma06​

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!! x reader #hq!! x reader #hq!! #hq #hq iwaizumi #haikyuu iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu iwaizumi #x reader #hq reader #hq reader insert #haikyuu reader

[watchmegetobsessed]

Aging - Shawn Mendes

okay so this one is based on things that are pretty closely related to my life, my thoughts and stuff, but I feel like some of you can relate to it as well. today is my birthday and this one day in the year always brings me some anxiety about just life in general and how things are going, if I’m doing things right and I put these thoughts into this one shot. I hope you’ll enjoy it!

masterlist

I’m slowly gaining back my consciousness as I feel small, butterfly-like kisses all over my face. I recognize the familiar lips faster than I could process anything around me and a smile creeps to my lips immediately.

“Good morning, Baby!” I hear his angelic voice coming from very close and a kiss follows his words right under my ear.

The silky sheets are soft against my skin, but the muscular arm that hugs me close to a hard body feels so much better. His bare chest touches the skin on my back where my tank top doesn’t cover and my hands find his on my stomach, lacing our fingers together.

“Five more mins,” I mumble into the pillow even though I know I won’t be able to fall asleep now that I’m awake.

“Anything for my birthday girl,” he murmurs against my shoulder and realization hits me hard.

It really is my birthday.

My body tenses for a moment before I manage to regain my peaceful state, but it’s too late. Shawn knows me too well.

“What’s wrong?” he asks nuzzling his nose into my neck.

“Nothing,” I sigh turning around in his hold to face him with a wide smile which is more like because I get to wake up next to him, not because I got a year older again.

“There is something, I felt your body tense up. I didn’t miss the date, did I?” Panic shoots through his face as he tries to put the picture together, but I just shake my head laughing.

“No, you got it right.”

“Then what is it? I want my girl to have the best day, we can’t start like this,” he tells me with a boyish smile and I can’t help but lift my head and press a kiss to his soft lips.

We lie there for a while as I’m tracing his jawline with my finger, hoping he would just ditch it, but he looks too persistent and I know he won’t stop.

“I just…” I let out a sigh turning my gaze at the ceiling. “I’m having a hard time acknowledging that I age.”

He gives me a confused look.

“Babe, I hope you realize that everyone ages.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” I roll my eyes at him. His hand slides to my waist under the cover and his thumb is gently massaging my skin in a circle. “I know that, but it’s just giving me anxiety. Especially since I’ve been with you.”

Now I just made him even more confused with what I just said, he furrows his eyebrows at me in total confusion as he fails to understand what I’m trying to tell him.

“How do I come into the picture?” “You’re younger than me. I’m 23, you’re turning 21.” Now he rolls his eyes at me.

“Babe, it’s not like two decades, just a little more than two years.”

“Yeah, but…” I stop myself from finishing the sentence, because I don’t think I would be able to put it into the right words, but Shawn doesn’t let go of it.

“But what? Tell me!” He kisses my nose stroking a few wild locks of hair out of my face.

“One of the guys that I had a thing going on was younger than me and I got so many comments on it from people, they basically made me feel bad for having feelings for a younger person. Which I know is stupid, because age is just a number, but I always felt like I’m too immature because of this. Like I’m behind, does this make any sense?” I look at him worried.

I’ve been struggling with these feelings for a long time not. Aging in high school was cool. Turning sixteen, seventeen and then eighteen were fun, these were important and I was waiting for them to happen. But then it all started to turn around. When I turned twenty I realized I’m not a kid anymore and thinking about how much my life has changed lately makes me scared and worried if I’m doing things right.

Shawn pushes himself up on one arm looking down at me with a different expression than what I was expecting. The confusion is gone, now his hazel eyes are warm and kind as they meet mine.

“What else makes you believe you are behind?” he kindly asks and I let out another sigh.

“Lately everything,” I mumble. “College turned out to be harder than I thought, you are basically my first ever serious boyfriend and we’ve been together for eight months, which means I didn’t have a real relationship until I was 22. All my friends started dating at 16, it made me feel bad even back then. And I still don’t know where my life is really going.”

The uneasy feeling spreads in my body as I’m getting anxious about all these things again, but then Shawn leans down and captures my lips in a slow and sweet kiss that immediately makes my mind go blank and only think about him. When we part I’m met with his warm gaze once again.

“Baby, college is hard for a lot of people. Some of us just doesn’t go well with that system. But you finished it anyway, so be proud of yourself. You already went farther than me on that field,” he chuckles making me smile. “Me being your first serious boyfriend is making me incredibly happy, wanna know why?”

“Why?” I ask shyly.

“Because I know that you had flings here and there in the past, but neither of them ended up with you. Me being the first person to jump the scale is just an honor, because it tells me I’m doing it right. And I’m also happy I get to give you the first experiences in a relationship that you deserve.”

I’m basically melting from his words, I cup his face in my hands as I caress his cheeks trying to put all my love for him into my actions.

“And about the last part… Your life is going right no matter what you do, because you are the only one living it, you are the one forming it and whatever you do, that’s the best because no one can do it better than you.”

After his last word he leans down kissing me once again and I eagerly return it, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“How are you so wise at only 20?” I ask chuckling.

“I’m 30 in mind,” he says with a serious face, making me laugh.

“Then I guess our age gap has turned.”

“Oh no, you are still like a milf compared to me,” he scoffs jokingly, making me gasp and smack his chest playfully.

“I’m not a milf! Take that back!”

“Why? There is nothing wrong with being a hot milf, babe,” he teases me some more before I smack my hand on his mouth stopping him from saying anything else.

“You’re dancing on my nerves, Mendes,” I warn him giving him a threatening look, but it just makes him laugh as he peels my hand off of his mouth.

“Calm down, Baby. You know you are the freshest chick, a hot babe, my beautiful queen.”

I start laughing at his words, this is so not him, but it makes him the biggest dork.

“Oh my God, Shawn, just stop it,” I ask him pecking his lips shortly.

“Okay, okay,” he grins down at me. “But you have to know that one day, when you’ll be an actual milf after having our kids, you’ll still be my number one girl.”

“I hope you know if I turn into a milf, that will make you a dilf,” I warn him, but I don’t see the slightest sign of worry on his face, just a smug smile.

“I know. Can’t wait.” I laugh in disbelief as he leans down kissing me. “Okay, let’s get ready, I have the whole day planned out for you baby.”

He pushes the cover off of his body and I watch him stand up, wearing only his boxers. His muscular back is just giving me the naughtiest thoughts. As if he senses my greedy eyes on him, he stops and looks back at me over his shoulder.

“Are you checking me out?”

“Hell yes,” I grin at him satisfied, tugging an arm under my head. He licks his lips playfully and even winks at me before turning back.

“You have time until I take a shower, but I don’t want to find you asleep when I come back!” he warns me disappearing in the bathroom. The door closes behind him, but a moment later it opens and his head pops out. “Or you can join me in the shower,” he offers arching an eyebrow and I kick the covers off faster than ever as I launch at him gladly accepting the invitation.

#shawn mendes #shawn #mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes imagines #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes x reader #mendes army

[canumoveurseatup-no]

Myself - (Steve x Black!Reader)

Summary: You loved Steve more than you loved yourself. But was that enough?

Pairing: Steve x Black!Fem!Reader

WC: 3.2k

Warnings: Angst, Emotional and verbal abuse (I am in no way condoning or romanticizing it. I just recently got out of an emotionally abusive situation and I’m just coping) Feelings of inadequacy, heartbreak. BUT THERE IS HOPE.

Here’s to a New Year. Here’s to leaving toxic things behind. It’s time for a fresh, healthy start.

A/N: I know Steve wouldn’t really act like this so don’t come for me. It is fiction.

A/N pt.2: Hi, just want to say y’alls reblogs and comments mean so damn much. Keep it up <3 

IF YOU WANT A PART 2 PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

       You don’t know where things went wrong. This past year had been amazing with Steve. All the trips you’d taken, the dates you’d went on. The memories created, the love made. You couldn’t ask for a better year with someone you loved with your entire being. You gave him all of you, even parts that you hated and he swore up and down that he loved them. The words slipped so beautifully from his lips that you couldn’t even tell it was a lie, or when it became one that is.

He’d talk to you less, the sex barely happened and when it did you could tell there was no passion involved, it was just happening so he could get his rocks off.

There was no cuddling, no good night or good morning kisses. He wasn’t there for dinner when you cooked. No dates, nothing.

It was like living with a stranger. Like doing an Uberpool with a bitter old man who didn’t want to ride with you. 

You were tearing yourself apart trying to figure out what you did. You loved this man unconditionally all the while not saving any of that love for yourself. 

You couldn’t live like this anymore. No one wants to spend their days questioning their worth. It’s a recipe for self-destruction.

-----------------

You stared at yourself in the mirror, analyzing your figure. You’ve told yourself you weren’t good enough because that’s what Steve made you feel. You were constantly questioning yourself. That’s no way to live. That’s no way to live in a relationship and survive.

He used to pine after you, he wanted you so bad yet here you guys are one year and a few months into the relationship and suddenly he seemed to stop trying so hard. He fought to get you, but he stopped fighting to keep you.

You racked your mind of all your counterparts that he’s flirted with and you were brought back to analyzing your figure in the mirror.

He’d always remind you how beautiful you were, but lately it’s like he was repulsed by you. You weren’t the one that caught and kept his attention anymore.

He wanted perfect. You weren’t perfect so that figures.

In the midst of an argument he said you guys had “moved too fast”. He said it was your fault. He didn’t take a single crumb of blame.

It was my fault, you blamed yourself, I fell in love too hard.

He’d gotten in your head so bad. He knew your weak points. He played all of his cards right, with the poker face of America’s golden boy.

He was one of the best things to be brought into your life. Even with him acting like this, you still loved that man more than you loved yourself. You would never be the same after this. He’d rocked you so hard it felt like you were dying. You guys would spend days arguing with each other. Days of silent treatment.

He’d walk in the door without saying “hi” and Steve couldn’t bear not greeting people. It was a pet peeve of his for someone else to walk in and not acknowledge the presence of others so he made sure he did, until it came to you.

He’d walk out the door and not a single mumble of a “bye” would be uttered. Steve would always make sure you knew where he was going and when he’d be back. Nowadays you wouldn’t know if he was leaving for good.

He only got that way when things didn’t go his way. He could be so immature. 

“How could you tell me you love me and behave this way?,” you called out, voice trembling and muscles tensed.

“Behave what way, Y/N?” he’d gotten so used to dismissing you that he didn’t seem phased as he sat at the dinner table finishing paperwork and reading up on files on new recruits.

“Like a child, Steve. Talk to me, I’m still a part of your life you know. You could at least acknowledge me.” You stood in the doorway, cowering away from him.

“There’s nothing to acknowledge, Y/N.”

You hated hearing your name leave his mouth. He’d always call you your favorite pet name, even before you guys started dating. It wasn’t until recently that he did start using your real name. It sounded so wrong coming from him, you wished it wasn’t your given name. He made you hate it.

He made you feel alone even when he was around. You despised that feeling. You wanted your old Steve back. You don’t know what changed. At the beginning, it felt like he threw you up in the sky and for the entirety of your relationship you were floating in the air. But things got awry and you started to fall. He wasn’t even there to catch you or even help pick you up, no. He let you hit the ground, full force.

“Are you serious? There’s a lot to acknowledge. Maybe tell me why you’ve been acting like a completely different person for no reason. I don’t even know you, anymore,”

“I’m the same man I’ve always been.” he said plainly.

“No, no you’re not.” you shook your head so fast it could’ve fallen off, “Talk to me, Steve. I’m your girlfriend for crying out loud!” you lightly hiccupped and wrapped your arms around yourself.

He slammed his had on the table causing you to jump and take a step back.

“Jesus, Y/N. Give me a break!, Would you be quiet for just a minute?,”

The way he looked at you... it was almost like he was possessed. You didn’t know this man in front of you.

He will never know how you felt, because he didn’t care to know, he was smart enough to not wear his heart on his sleeve like you and that’s exactly where he got you.

~~~~~~~

“You didn’t have to lie to me, Steve!”

Another argument ensued and it drained every ounce of your being

“So you mean to tell me had I told you the truth, you’d have been okay with it?,” He let out an airy chuckle and shook his head at how unbelievably naïve you were.

“Of course not, Steve!,” you sat on your shared bed and looked up at him, you felt so lost, you had no idea how you survived this toxicity for so long, “It’s like you’re embarrassed to be seen with me now. You really had to ask Sharon Carter, your first love’s niece, to a S.H.I.E.L.D black tie event rather than just take me? Your girlfriend for Christ’s sake, am I that embarrassing to you?,”

You didn’t want him to answer and he knew you didn’t want him to, but he controlled your mind with his words and he knew that.

“Is it that obvious?,”

Moments like this he had you wishing you would just die. These mind games, this emotional abuse. It left you feeling like roadkill, feeling abandoned, unloved, unwanted, it was too much. Yet you still had hope that your Steve was in there.

Your Steve would never yell at you in your face like this.

“You’re so damn suffocating, Y/N. Being away from you was such a breath of fresh air. Yet coming back here had me feeling like I needed a damn oxygen tank,” his laugh was humorless.

He towered over you as you just looked at him in the eyes as he spoke these Earth-shattering words.

“I used to think you were the best thing to ever happen to me but, God, you’re the worst headache ever. You’re the human embodiment of an aneurysm.”

His words had a whimper leave your throat. You’ve tried your entire life to not be a burden and here Steve is laying it all out for you, that even though you tried, it wasn’t good enough. E for effort.

“I don't even do anything,” you tried to defend yourself.

“Oh really? Because calling me in groups of ten when I’m away is doing nothing? Because asking to put you first over any night with the team is nothing? You’re not the center of my life, Y/N. I have more important things to worry about than your episodes of feeling alone,”

“They’re not episodes and you know that,”

“Well excuse me for not using the politically correct term, your highness. It’s all in your head, Y/N,” he tapped his temple as he got in your face.

“Well no shit, Steve!,” you stood in his face but your stature was no comparison to his, “Where the fuck else would it be? my pancreas? Or maybe in my damn rectal cavity. I get that it’s in my head. I have to live with it all day, everyday. not you,”

“We live together so technically I do,” He rolled his eyes and turned away from you to stalk toward the bathroom.

“You’re never even here anymore,” you blurt out.

“Because you’re so mentally exhausting that I felt my own mental stability deteriorating,”

You had no words to say, He’d gotten too comfortable with talking down on you. You wiped your tears and got in bed. There was no rebuttal from you. He won.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being with Steve taught you one of the biggest lessons you’ll learn in life. The whole experience was a bless in a way.

He taught you patience. You had to be patient with him and his melt downs. You had to be patient with yourself as you tried to put yourself back together and build your walls back up. Patient to understand love doesn’t come easy.

Steve only wanted you for the sensation of having you.

He was away and you cried as you packed your bags into the car. This would be the last night you cried over him. You’ve spent too many nights crying over him, spent too many nights with him messing with your mind but no more.

Once everything was packed, you sat on his side of the bed writing him words you weren’t able to say to his face. You were relieved he wasn’t here because had he been, you probably wouldn’t have gotten the guts to leave.

You signed the note with x’s and o’s before setting the paper down by his lamp and walking out the bedroom door and turning the lights off. You’d miss this place, more than anyone will ever know.

You had your first movie date here, Your first breakfast in bed. Your first time. Your first “I love you’s” and... your last. 

You left the key on the key ring by the door and took one last look at the tidy, comfy apartment that you called home. But you realized this wasn’t a home. A home wouldn’t house people to hurt you the way Steve did. It was just a place to lay your head and make your bed.

You sniffled as you locked the door from the inside and rushed to your car. You found a place weeks ago and that’s where you’re headed. 

Maybe this could be home. Where your heart could be set in stone, a place where you can rest your bones and be alone without fear of your personalized dread coming through the bedroom door.

 Being on your own would take some getting used to but you took pride in finally having your own thoughts, that you created, thoughts that weren’t force fed to you. You took pride in mumbling the simple words of  “I can do this. I can do this. I can make it by myself.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve walked in late that night. The clock read a quarter two. The apartment was quiet. Too quiet, he wasn’t used to it.

He didn’t the TV in your shared bedroom. You always had it on when he was gone to simulate the feeling of having someone there so you didn’t feel completely alone, to drive away your thoughts.

He didn’t see the nightlight in the kitchen. He looked around and saw how tidy the apartment was. Too tidy.

He went into the bedroom to see the room dark and when he switched the light on his stomach dropped.

Your clothes hamper wasn’t there, your shoes weren’t haphazardly lined up by the closet. Your perfumes weren’t sitting on his dresser. Your night stand didn’t house you guys’ picture from your favorite date. 

That picture was on his night stand, faced down on a piece of paper.

He inched toward it as if it’d jump out and attack him. Little did he know it would, just not physically. He sat on the edge of his bed and flipped the picture up to see you were cut out of it and it just left him smiling down at nothing.

He saw your neat handwriting scribbled across the paper in a warning red and his chest felt tight. He picked it up and wanted to just throw it away. but he had to read it. He had to know what this was. 

Dear Steve, he read, He saw the dried droplets of your tears on the paper and cursed to himself.

Dear Steve,

               You know I loved you. Hell, you know I love you. But whatever is happening right now is not love. I don’t know what you’re going through, or what you’ve been through in the past for you to treat me like this but here’s something you need to live by-

             Pretending you don’t have a heart isn’t going to protect yours.-

        My love for you was insurmountable, I loved you when I didn’t love myself. You would always say you loved me but I’ve come to see you only love yourself. I loved you with all of me and didn’t save any of that for me.You played with my heart and my mind and I don’t know how I survived as long as I did. I remember feeling like I wasn’t good enough, you had me questioning myself, I wasn’t sure enough.

       You always put me in a bad place and that’s not love, Steve. It’s mental warfare. I spent too much time blaming myself and tearing myself down because I believed your words and would reiterate them thinking it would make me change... make me better for you so I could make you happy. 

        But I can’t make you happy. All in all this experience was a blessing. I now know how to guard myself walking into what I think might be love next time.

      I’m not quite sure which is worse- How many times you broke me or how many times I let you. But I can’t kill myself trying to stay in your life. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me.

        I don’t know if moving on will make it better, but there’s no harm in trying, no matter how hard it is, how long it’s going to take or how bad it’s going to hurt. 

       Almost every night for the past few months I’d sit on the edge of this very bed with my heart in my hands, as you’d yell right in my face, stained with the blood that ran through my veins for you. Feeling my heart beat for you. Yet each time you’d take it from my grasp and step on it creating the worst chest tightening feeling I’ve ever felt. It’s time to remove your foot, Steve. It’s time to mold the marks of your footprints away, put my heart back in my chest and have it beat for me. It’s time to take my heart and keep it for myself.

      You were the love of my life, Steve. I guess I just thought I was yours too.

   I gave my all to you, my love was real. 

                                              But you didn’t love me

       -Y/N xo,”

Steve sat on the bed just staring at the letter. He crumbled it up before throwing it at the wall before yelling a loud “Fuck” and knocking the lamp over in the process.

He sat on the bed and felt his face heat up.

How did he allow himself to ruin something that was good for him? Something that was healthy, that he later turned toxic?

Why did he let his stressors and insecurities get the best of him so bad that he broke his best girl?

That phrase “You don’t know what you have ‘til it’s gone” is bullshit, he thought.

Steve knew what he had... he just didn’t think he’d lose it.

~~~~~~~~

*Four Months Later*

It was hard. Getting used to not having someone. Coming home to an empty house. Yet you were able to stay strong and move forward. For the first time in your life you didn’t feel guilty for putting yourself first and taking care of yourself.

You were rolling on your roller skates, doing your last round of cleaning the café before taking your break and sitting down at the diner bar. You had your co-worker cut you a piece of your favorite pie, it was seasonal and you had to have a slice before too many people found out you guys had it in.

“You guys make an exceptional pie,” a man sat down beside you and smiled.

You were in the middle of stuffing your face, he chuckled at you as you felt your face heat up and eyes widen in embarrassment.

You turn to look and see an attractive man smiling over at you. His trimmed beard was immaculate, so clean and sharp. His hair, splashes of grey against the dark brown. His eyes, so green, so vibrant, reminded you of the Northern lights.

“It’s okay, I’ll let you finish so you don’t choke,” He laughed lightly.

You swallowed your pie while drinking down a gulp of almond milk.

“Credits to the head chef. He only bakes it during the autumn season. It’s a hot commodity. It’s his specialty,” you smiled at him as he had his own piece of that pie.

“And the cute waitress sitting beside me. What’s her specialty?,”

You giggled at his compliment. It was good to hear a compliment from a man who didn’t creep you out. 

“I do this rare thing that’s unheard of around these parts of New York,” you whisper.

“Oh yeah? and what’s that?,” he leaned in and whispered right back, entertaining your game of secrecy.

“I heard only the well raised ones know what it is. But I clean up after people who are too much of simpleton slobs to do it themselves,” you snorted and he shook his head at you before laughing along at your slightly terrible joke.

“Well I certainly won’t be adding to your list of simpleton slobs,” he smirked at you and took another bite of his pie.

“What list will you be adding to then,?” you took another sip from your cup and eyed him over the rim.

“Hopefully the list that makes the cut of being able to take you out,“

His boldness made droplets of your milk slip out of your mouth as you damn near choked.

“Me?!,” you looked around and eyed the diner, seeing if maybe he was possibly talking to someone else.

“Yes, you, Miss? Miss right? No, Mrs?,”

You giggled at his uncertainty.

“Y/N. And yes, Miss. No Mrs. Not even close. And who might you be, mister mysterious?,”

He turned to you fully in his chair before extending his hand.

“Strange. Dr. Stephen Strange and I would like to take you, Miss Y/N, out on a date.”

*The End*

----------------------------

If you guys would like a part two with Doctor Strange then let me know!

Don’t forget feedback, it means a lot!<3

Storyline inspired by the song Myself by Layton Greene.

Tags- @sideeffectsofyou @chonisberonica @coonflix @cliffordasparagus​ @disaster-rose 

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x black!reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x you #black reader #black!reader #black mcu imagines #poc reader #poc!reader #steve rogers x poc #steve rogers x poc!reader #marvel one shot #marvel imagine #marvel x black!reader #marvel x reader #AVENGERS ANGST #avengers x you #avengers x reader #avengers x black!reader #avengers x poc #mcu imagines #mcu x reader #mcu x black!reader #steve rogers angst #marvel angst #reader insert #dr stephen strange #doctor stephen strange #doctor strange #doctor strange x reader

[retrocelly]

You’ve Been Distant (Tyler Seguin)

A/N: I banged this out in about an hour and barely proof-read it, so sorry for any mistakes. I’m in an angsty Tyler Seguin mood and I can't help it.

Warnings: angst, age gap (everything legal of course), cursing, yelling, basically everything that comes with arguing

Word count: 2,378

Everything about Tyler was familiar. You knew the subtleties of the way he spoke, the way he would lean on you for comfort after a particularly rough game, and all of the things that made him tick. However, you didn’t know this Tyler. Recently, he had been distant from you. He would come home from roadies and hardly acknowledge your presence within your shared home. He seemed reluctant to talk to you about his day, or listen as you spoke about yours. He hadn’t been inviting you to come out with the boys after a win like he normally would. After nearly a year and a half together, you’d grown accustomed to Tyler being borderline clingy at times; hanging on your every word and staying near you like a lovestruck puppy. But the separation came all of a sudden: he just came home one night, took the dogs out, then went to bed without a second glance your way. From that point, it’d been nearly three weeks since you’d had your Tyler.

Your worry wasn’t that he’d fallen out of love with you or that he’d been unfaithful, but rather that he’d finally listened to what everyone had been telling him for over a year: you’re too young. Sure, a seven year age gap was a lot to some people. Hell, even you and Tyler had been wary to start a relationship at first. It hadn’t taken long for the both of you to realize that you were too good together, you complimented each other in every way. Since then there hadn’t been a doubt in your mind, but you couldn’t say the same for Tyler. You noticed the way that he paused before telling his friends that you couldn’t drink while out with them since you were only 20. You noticed how he shifted when he introduced you to his family, praying that they wouldn’t be surprised by how young you looked. You noticed all of it. 

You needed desperately to talk to Tyler about all of it and just get a feel for where his head was at. Then again, how on earth were you supposed to do that when he wouldn’t talk to you at all? Luckily, the Stars didn’t have a game tonight and you figured that he’d be home from practice by 2pm, giving the two of you plenty of time to talk.  Your were right, and right around 2, all of the dogs got up to stand around the front door. You gave Tyler a moment to set all of his things down and greet the dogs before you spoke.

“Hey Ty,” you started, trying your hardest to sound cheerful, “how was practice?”

He gave you a quick glance, his face remaining stern.

“Good.” 

That was it. Good. You hated the word.

“Well when you have a minute, I need to talk to you about something.” Tyler let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m pretty tired after practice, Y/N. Can we just talk some other time?” Tired, he was always tired. After practice, after games, after going out with friends. When wasn’t he tired anymore?

“No, Tyler,” you sighed, “it’s important and I need to talk to you about it today.” He shook his head slightly, exacerbated, then turned from you and headed up the stairs toward your bedroom.

Fine. If he wanted to try and ignore you, you were going to make it near impossible for him to do so. If constant prodding is what took to get him to pay attention to you, then that’s exactly what you would do. You needed him to talk to you, scream at you, something.

Tyler trudged black down the stairs a few minutes later, having changed into sweats and a worn t-shirt. He sat on the couch (the opposite end from you, of course) and focused his attention on the TV. Shamelessly, you scooted closer to him until your shoulders were touching. The small amount of contact was probably the most you’d had in almost a month and you missed him. Tyler sat up straighter and leaned slightly away from you. It hurt, sure, but you were determined to keep going with your plan.

“Do I smell bad or something, Ty?” You tilted your head to look him in the eyes, but he didn’t return the gesture.

“Nope.”

“Is something wrong?” You knew there was, but you’d do him the courtesy of acting as if you didn’t know.

“Nope,” He returned bluntly, “just tired, like I said earlier.”

“Do you want me to give you a massage? That always seems to help.”

He shook his head without a word, keeping his focus on the TV screen. Okay, time to kick it up a notch. You pulled out your phone and opened snapchat and selected the puppy filter. Quickly, you turned the camera toward Tyler and started a video where you zoomed in on his face. Finally, he turned to look at what you were doing, which activated the filter and turned his scowl into a much cuter puppy scowl. You let out a childish giggle and posted the video to your story, knowing that that would only agitate him further.

Tyler shifted in his seat, letting out a sigh so heavy that it sounded more like an annoyed groan. However, he still wasn’t talking. For your next trick, you leaned your head on his shoulder and made sure to nuzzle into him a bit to really piss him off. If there was one thing Tyler hated, it was being smothered while he was angry. Still nothing. Well then, time for your final act.

Tyler clearly wasn’t in ‘the mood’ at the moment and if anything, it was probably the last thing on his mind. He was angry, and tired, and didn’t want to be around you for whatever reason, so what better way to push him over the edge? Slowly, you tilted your head up and began laying slow kisses onto Tyler’s neck. You made sure to focus your efforts just below his ear and overtop his collarbone, where you knew he was most sensitive. He moved his head away from you slightly, but you only used that as an excuse to move so that you were straddling him, now completely blocking his view of the television. Quickly, he moved his large hands up to grab your shoulders and pushed you away from him.

“Cut it out,” he scolded, “I don’t know how much clearer I can make it that I want to be alone right now.” His face was hard and unforgiving, an expression you’d only seen when he was upset during a game.

“But I thought you said that nothing was wrong.” You pouted, making no move to get off of him. You were taunting him, and it seemed like he’d finally realized that as his face contorted into a confused scowl.

“Is that what you’ve been doing this whole time?” He questioned loudly, standing up as he forced you off to the side of him. “You’re actively trying to piss me off? Are you that fucking desperate for attention that you cant even leave me alone for one damn day?!”

“One day?” You retorted, standing off of the couch the face him. “Tyler, you haven’t spoken more than five words to me in the past month!” 

He let out a bitter, empty laugh, one that you hated. He was livid.

“And so this is how you decide to get me to talk to you? By being the most obnoxious girl within 100 miles?”

“I didn’t know what else to do, dammit!” You screamed, and you could feel hot tears beginning to sting your eyes. “you wouldn’t talk to me no matter what I tried!”

“God,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, an unforgiving glare still plastered across his features, “You’re so fucking immature that you don’t even know how to handle a problem without acting like a brat. Do you not understand how annoying that is? It doesn’t make me want to talk to you, it makes me want to get up and leave the damn house. You can be such a child sometimes, it’s like I’m fucking babysitting.”

“Oh, so that is the issue!” Your tone was accusatory, “You think I’m too immature.”

You had settled slightly, your demeanor softening after finally hearing the words you knew he’d been waiting to say. Tyler, however, didn’t seem like he was backing down.

“Wow, Y/N, do you want a gold star for your fabulous detective work?” You crossed your arms at his mocking tone. “Y’know, sometimes I think that they were right about you. Jamie told me that you were too young - he said that you would a pain in the ass, because 20-year-olds are fucking stupid when it comes to dating - and he was right. My mom and both of my fucking sisters told me that it wasn’t a good idea to get involved with a girl so much younger than me and I should’ve fucking listened.”

Tyler’s face was red and you had a couple tears running down your cheeks by the time he was done.

“Oh, give me a goddamn break, Tyler! You’re such a selfish ass sometimes, you know that?” He opened his mouth to retort, but you cut him off. “I didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing at all! I was being a good, supportive girlfriend and then one day you came home and just decided to pretend like I didn’t exist. I was there for you when you needed me to be! When you came home after a bad game, whining like a baby that it was all because of shitty refs, I was there to console you! Not once did I complain when you drug me out to go clubbing with you and the boys after I’d had a full day of classes and work! Not once did I sit you down and tell you about how terrible my day was, because I cared about you first! I always put you first! And instead of repaying the favor like any other boyfriend would, you cut me off and acted like it was my fault! If you wanna talk about who’s immature, take a good hard look in the mirror because I’m not the moody, narcissistic prick in this relationship, but that’s what you are right now!”

You let out a heavy breath and walked past Tyler to go upstairs. He made no attempt to speak, nor did he try and come after you. You knew him well enough, and when Tyler was silent like that, it was because he knew he was wrong. You walked into your bedroom, shutting the door behind you (after the dogs had followed you in, obviously). You needed time to cool off and he needed time to reflect. Once you were changed into your pajamas, you sat on the edge of the bed and allowed yourself to shed your remaining tears. By the time you’d calmed down, you were simply exhausted. It was still only mid-afternoon, but you didn’t care. You crawled into your side of the bed and flicked on the TV, ready to settle in for the day. However, a soft knock at the bedroom door and Cash’s soft whimper caused you to get up again. When you opened the door, you were met with a sheepish-looking Tyler, his hand scratching at the back of his neck and an apologetic look on his face.

“You’re right,” he sighed, causing you to raise your eyebrows.

“Good start,” you chided, “what else?”

Tyler let out a quiet laugh at that - he always did have a thing for your “strong personality,” as he called it.

“I’m sorry. Like, I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. I’ve just been under a lot more pressure at work recently, y’know with management up my ass and all that. I know that that’s not an excuse, and I shouldn’t have have taken it out on you, but lately I’ve just been feeling like I’m not at my best and I guess I just didn’t want to disappoint you too, so instead I figured I’d just ignore you. I should’ve just sat down and talked to you about it, and I was the immature one because of that. About what I said earlier, I didn’t mean it. I love you with everything that I have and your age isn’t an issue for me, I was just pissed off. And for the record, Jamie and my family love you too, you know that. I was just being a dick and wasn’t thinking about what I was saying.”

You nodded carefully, allowing the silence to settle before you spoke again.

“I appreciate that, Tyler. With all due respect, I did mean what I said. You’ve been really selfish just ignoring me and it hurts. It hurt me to think that you were going to break up with me - to think that you were just giving up on us.” 

Your eyes welled with tears again and Tyler moved to envelope you in a hug. You let him.

“I’m so sorry, baby. So fucking sorry.” You could tell that he was near tears too, his voice shaky and breaking. “And I promise you that I won’t ever make you feel like that again. I understand if you still need some time but I’m here if you need me and I’m not going anywhere.” 

You pulled away from him gently, taking a moment to simply look into his eyes before leaning up to connect your lips with his. The two of you melted into the kiss right away, Tyler’s hands moving to cup each side of your face as your hands draped loosely around his waist. When you moved out of this kiss, you were greeted with Tyler’s soft smile. It wasn’t a smirk like he sometimes did after an intimate moment, but a simple, happy smile. You returned it.

“Can we just go lay down? We’re both sleepy and I miss you.” You pouted your bottom lip slightly and he couldn’t help the laugh that resonated through him.

“Yeah, of course, let’s go to bed. I miss you too, my love.”

#Tyler Seguin #tyler seguin imagine #hockey #hockey imagines #nhl #nhl imagines #dallas stars #dallas stars imagine

[notafraidofstopping876]

An apology and explanation to my followers who are probably sick of all my Twilight posts (and my general nonsense

Frankly, I’m amazed anybody is around for this garbage pile that is my Tumblr...but yeah I know Twilight has kind of taken over my blog lately so this is partially an explanation and also partially some lamenting/reflecting on the shit show that is my life

I’ll level with y’all. Back in 2008, I was in middle school and started reading the Twilight books and was instantly a Twihard. I went to the midnight releases, watched the films over and over, had all the merch, and spent hours on the fan sites and thought about the Twilight universe non-stop. 

A large part of it was my fascination with the vampire lore within the book, the powers, the mythology. I had never been much into fantasy, but these gripped me, and so did the characters. Most of all...I was entranced by the love story. 

(As an adult, I can definitely acknowledge that there are serious problems with the Edward/Bella relationship and series as a whole, but we’ll get back to that).

I don’t remember a time when I didn’t desperately want to experience a frenzied first love with a kind boy. I also don’t remember a time when I ever believed that would actually happen. I didn’t know this in 2008 but I was quickly developing what would lead to depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, and a non-specified eating disorder. I truly loathed myself from a very early age and was very convinced that no one would ever love me in that way...not that I really knew anything about love at that age. 

But I couldn’t help but notice, even in eighth grade, that I was all but invisible to the opposite sex. Over and over adults told me “Oh, boys are just immature, their hormones will kick in eventually too...” So I waited, all the while trying to be available and friendly, to put myself out there for the potential of dating. This continued through high school...and by the time graduation came I’d yet to have a slow dance with a guy and had only one kiss and date to speak of. (The kiss was on that date and was barely a peck on the cheek, which was then ruined when he tried to feel me up without my consent). 

Meanwhile...anytime I opened one of the Twilight books, I was transported into a world where it was possible for a human girl who felt ordinary and out of place to catch the attention of a beautiful, chivalrous, glittering vampire who loved her with an unfathomable passion. Say what you will about Stephenie Meyer’s writing, but her words made me feel like I was the one being kissed, touched, worshiped, everything that I wasn’t in real life. 

I wasn’t stupid, I knew not to expect a real-life Edward Cullen. If my track record was any indication, it was unlikely I’d have a sweeping romance, But I figured it couldn’t hurt to pretend a little and live in the fantasy world for a little bit until maybe, just maybe, I could at least find someone to hold my hand or buy me dinner or something. 

So I went off to college and had become a closeted Twihard since the films had all now come out and the world as a whole was very “Anti-Twilight” and I  was anxious and self-conscious enough to not want to be made fun of by my book-snob friends who made fun of it. I was optimistic about college, especially in the dating department. The new pool of people, surely my chances would be better here?

WRONG. 

Okay, I did have a few happenings...mostly nonconsensual so I don’t count them. I had my first real kiss spontaneously with a stranger that I never saw again (and it was even better than I imagined), some boob action at a party with another guy I never saw again, and one date that had led nowhere. (To complicate things, I also figured out I was asexual my first year of college. While it did clear up a lot of things about myself, it also complicated my feelings about my non-existent love life). 

I know what you guys are probably thinking...I know being in a relationship will in no way fulfill/fix me. I am a very messed up person and will be having to work through all my crap until I’m dead probably...but that doesn’t change my deep longing to find love, even if it’s just once. 

Anyway, I’m out of college now. All of my crushes have turned and run to the hills, online dating has been a bust (only creeps ever message me). I have a great life, I really do, but the longing for love is still potent. 

Randomly my roommate wanted to watch some throwback movies from our teen years and Twilight came up...we rewatched the first movie and it all came crashing back. Of course, now I had Tumblr and discovered the Twilight Renaissance was a thing and had an outlet for my inner Twihard to come out and play. I started rereading all of the books, and all of the Bella/Edward romance is hitting me just as hard as it does the first time. I can’t stop rereading all the passages of Edward being the gentlemen and romantic he is and falling in love with him again...it’s this INSANE dopamine rush just like when I was thirteen. 

And that’s when it hit me...romantically, I have about the same level of maturity and experience as I did when I was thirteen. I’d long ago accepted that Edward Cullen was a fantasy...but I thought that by this point in my life, maybe I’d have had one relationship for the books.

So...that’s about where I’m at. I loathe myself, loathe how repulsive and/or invisible I am to men, and am using a hyperfixation on a fictional vampire as a coping mechanism. It’s probably not healthy but at least for a little bit, I can pretend that somebody is in love with me, even if they’re not real...because at this point I don’t think I’ll find anything or anyone else. 

#shut up deb #i hate myself #edward cullen #twilight #the twilight saga #twilight renaissance #the twilight revival #twilight revival #the twilight renaissance #stephenie meyer #forever alone #single af

[1998ish]

a letter to someone who will never read it

12 Nov 2018

Dear ,

It’s you. It was always you.

It has always been you since the moment I realized we had chemistry.

You may have been too oblivious to have seen it all this time but I’m tired of trying to suppress it. I feel it too much and all at once. There’s no way you couldn’t have at least felt an inkling of it too. Maybe it crossed your mind, but if it didn’t, I can’t blame you.

I was never very direct with you.

But now I need to tell you.

I don’t know what it was that drew me to you from the start, but it’s been over a year since I met you and I haven’t been able to look at anybody else the way I looked at you.

I’m supposed to be here in college looking at men like a kid looks at chocolate in a candy store. I’m supposed to be able to enjoy all the opportunities and experiences I can make while I’m here when I’m young and unattached. But instead I always end up comparing everyone else to you when I barely even had you.

Maybe it’s because I’m too immature. I’m too inexperienced and too shy to tell you. Or maybe it’s because it’s just meant to be one-sided from the beginning. But I just couldn’t bare to tell you how nervous you make me feel that I contrived this negative image in my head about you instead.

I told myself that you didn’t like me. Not just in a romantic way, but just as a person in general. Hell, I told myself that you didn’t even want to be my friend. This was all in an attempt to shield myself from falling into a deeper abyss over my feelings for you. If I could contort a villain out of you I could tell myself that it wasn’t meant to be and that you were wrong for me, when in reality, you’ve only always been clueless. Just clueless.

So I went off and tried to forget you. I even avoided you. I’m sorry. Someone gave me the attention I craved from you and it happened too fast. He kissed me even though I’ve never kissed anyone in my life before. But let me tell you one thing: I felt more butterflies watching you walk into a room during the day than when his lips met mine that night. And when I realized this, I knew it was you. It was still always you.

I told myself you were annoyed of me - irritated at how clingy I was because I always wanted to talk to you and I concealed it in my requests to study with you instead. I told myself you only saw me as a lab partner and that when the quarter was over, we would never really talk again. But you texted me even after the break and we studied together again. Then I told myself that you only saw me as someone you only studied with and that I should stop trying to push it when I wanted more than just to study.

I wanted to date you, to get to know you. I wanted to watch movies with you and go on long walks on the beach with you to trace the stars in the night sky. I wanted you to take me to your favorite places to eat. I wanted to make you laugh and have more inside jokes with you outside of school-related things. I wanted you to tell more stories. I wanted to tell you more of mine.

I hate to admit this, but I actually didn’t really do anything to be more direct with you. So it makes sense why you never knew. I hadn’t talked to you for months, so when I bumped into you again for what seemed like the universe’s millionth time in giving me a chance to finally be straight up with you, I still couldn’t do it. It was the summertime, a different vibe to the same setting. You’d think I would muster up the courage to get over myself. I was able to strike a conversation with you over text and even ask you to catch up with me since it’s been a while since we talked, but even then I still couldn’t finish what I started. I couldn't follow up with the plans I initiated.

My friends told me that it’s not entirely my fault - that if you cared you would’ve reached out, too. But now I know it makes more sense to say that you were just busy. Nonetheless I still took this as a sign that you didn’t want to be friends with me. When you said that you were down, but that you were not in town that often because of work, I only read the latter and comprehended that you were still telling me “No, I don’t want to catch up” but just in a gentler tone. I told myself that you really didn’t want to, so when the time came to follow up with our plans, I remembered but I didn’t do anything about it. I told myself this because I wanted to move on.

I was too afraid. I was terrified of shedding light onto something that was a huge deal to me to someone who was completely and utterly oblivious. It was as if it meant nothing to you in my head, when really you simply didn’t know.

How could I be so stupid to think you didn’t care when you didn’t even know what to care about?

Then autumn began. An entire year since I met you. I saw you in class but I avoided you. I really thought you didn’t want to see me again. I know it’s ridiculous but you make me so nervous it scares me that you could mean so much to me but still have no idea. I’m sorry I pretended not to see you when we looked up from our exams. I looked back down and feigned my concentration on the test at hand when I should’ve just acknowledged you. Since you were my friend. We were friends, right?

Maybe you didn’t even know any of this happened and in the end, this was all just made up by my mind after all.

I’m sorry that’s where we left off.

And I’m sorry if it’s creepy that you’ve been clueless this entire time and that a person you balanced chemical equations with was thinking of you more than you could ever even comprehend.

But most of all, I’m sorry it took this long to tell you.

It’s almost the end of the year and I know I can continue to live my life without seeking this through ...and eventually I’ll forget about this all.

At the very least I know that this isn’t it. It can’t be. Not for me.

We never really had anything after all.

The “what ifs” today feel like they will kill me only because I can do something about it all right now. In time I will learn to be more direct with others because of you. And it won’t be like this anymore.

But still, today, I can do something.

And that’s what's killing me today.

#aa #writing #lr #angst #i can't keep it in anymore #l #letters #college

[aeon-wolf]

My rant about Supergirl & its fandom

I’m really going to try not to be rude about Mon-El as a character, Karmel as a ship or anything to do with the show itself and the writing. But I am going to rude about the Supergirl fandom. Don’t read this. I just needed to get my feelings off my chest. >.<

I’ve been stewing for a while about Supergirl and where the CW seems to be taking the show. Ever since Supergirl got moved to the CW from CBS, I’ve been wary about what they were going to do to the show. Ever since The 100, I’ve been very skeptical of the CW and hesitantly got into Supergirl for the sake of a single character, Lena Luthor. Which is why you’ll rarely see me posting analysis posts about the show or being overly critical of the show. Because I’m only invested in a single character, I try to stay in my lane as best as I possibly can. 

But everything about this fandom has just driven me to a place of annoyance and irritation that I needed to get my feelings off my chest. 

I’m very much the type of person who believes that you should ship what you want to and people should respect your decision to do so. I have a personal thing against incest/non-con ships and I know a lot of other people do. But as far as my line of tolerance goes for fandom, it’s pretty high. I’m not the type of person to believe that if you support a ship, that means you must be anti-everything else, because as a multishipper, I know that’s not true. I’m also not the type of person who says that if you like a problematic ship, that you as a person are problematic. I don’t see a problem with liking problematic ships. But we then get to where I draw the line. If you don’t recognize the ship is problematic and you think it’s a perfect relationship.

This is where I start to get extremely annoyed at fandom. Especially at the ire between Supercorp and Karmel shippers. And this is where I’m going to frank and pretty rude about both fandoms. Supercorp has its really toxic shippers. I think on some level, the entire fandom knows it. And when Karmel fans call us out for our toxic people, we should acknowledge that they exist. There are some really overly zealous people in our fandom. And they can get very brutal with their spewing of hatred. And it gives the rest of us a bad name. If we, as a fandom, are going to bunch the Karmel fans together with the worst of their fandom, we should have to take responsibility for the worst of our own. 

On the flip side, I consistently see Karmel fans saying that Karmel is a perfect example of what a relationship should be and that Supercorp shippers are only angry at Karmel because it’s a straight white man that is standing in the way of Supercorp. First off, 95% of the Supercorp fandom acknowledges that Supercorp will never happen. That is completely not the reason that Supercorp shippers dislike Mon-El and Karmel. In fact, you see a large number of Supercorp shippers who will stand up for Karolsen because while that isn’t something some of us like, we all acknowledge that they really fucked over that relationship for Mon-El and Kara. 

It was an entire season of slowburn for a relationship. Only for it to fail within a single episode. Fair enough if you believe they had no chemistry, but you cannot say it is fair for a relationship that they were building for nearly 20 episodes to be broken up and brushed aside in the span of one. Especially when the interracial couple was broken up for yet another straight, white couple. 

Now, this is me setting side Supercorp for a second. 

Karmel is far from a perfect relationship. And while on some level, yes a relationship should have flaws to make it realistic, Mon-El takes it a step too far. It’s not a reach to say that Mon-El barely respects Kara, he has belittled her, spoken for her, insulted her, hurt her, played with her emotions, and guilted her into things. These things in and of themselves can be dealt with. He can relearn as Karmel fans are so fond of saying. But the problem is is that he seems to not learn at all. Kara chides him for doing these things and within the next two episodes, he turns around and does it again and then blames it on his relearning. That’s not him putting in an effort, that’s him making excuses. 

And on a side note, why do people even think their storyline is romantic at all? I have never understood why straight people always think that this “Bad boy falls for the good girl. He wants to change so he can date the girl. So he asks her for help to change, just so he can date her. She tries to help him change. He ends up making a half-assed effort. But because he’s better than when he started, the girl falls in love with him” trope is cute. It’s not. If you have to change yourself completely, just to date someone, that relationship is probably not a healthy one. Especially if you are constantly slipping up, especially when you not around your significant other. 

That being said, these are reasons why I personally cannot get behind Mon-El. (There are others but if you want a deep explanation, inbox me). But, I also respect people’s right to ship it because they do find that story compelling. But don’t go around telling everyone that Karmel is the definition of a perfectly healthy relationship. Because it’s just flat out not. “Things were easier when I objectified women and didn’t care about anyone”? Give me a break. That should be a sign of a problematic character. Not that he once did that and is trying to change, because okay. Character development. But the fact that he said it in the first place. It’s not the content of the sentence that bothers me. It’s the fact that it was a necessary line when he should have just kept his mouth shut. 

And then we’ll get to what really got me steamed. The flame baiting. I’ve been in a number of different online communities where flame baiting is common, gaming ones mostly. Let me tell you, I have never found it to be effective in doing anything except starting a fight that shouldn’t have been started in the first place. I don’t blacklist anti-supercorp or anti-lena-luthor tags because unlike a lot of people, I don’t want to confine myself to a bubble. I want to know what people think on the other side. I think it’s important. 

But when you have some Karmel fans who are intentionally posting anti-supercorp posts, in the supercorp tag where you know all that will do is cause people to send you hate when you could have easily kept your thoughts to yourself or within your section of the fandom, and in fact you’re basically asking for hate messages to prove your point, that’s flame baiting. Going into a community with the intention of getting a rise out of people you know are there. That accomplishes absolutely nothing. If people truly wanted relations between the fandoms to get better, both sides wouldn’t do shit like that. At that point, it’s just being unnecessarily antagonistic and honestly really immature. 

Neither fandom is perfect. We’ve both got our toxic shippers. And problematic elements to each relationship. That doesn’t make the shippers problematic people as long as they acknowledge it’s not perfect. And honestly, as I said, I don’t give a flying fuck if people want to ship Karmel. That’s their choice. Just like it’s my choice to ship Supercorp. And as long as you leave me alone, I leave you alone. But there is a minority on both sides that go out of their way to unncessarily start shit and that needs to fucking stop.