#i think this is the best thing i've written on here so far wow

[stedefxckingbonnet]

I've been loving all the Izzy/reader fics, thank you so much for them! If you're doing requests, I'd love one where Izzy accidentally hurts the reader. It's 100% by accident (he turns around holding his sword and mildly slices reader, a playful shove accidentally makes reader lose balance and fall down steps type thing etc.). The crew, especially Stede, are furious and won't let Izzy anywhere near reader and he's absolutely wrecked with guilt. Would love a very fluffy ending!

Thank you so much for all of the love and for reading my fics at all!! <3 It truly means everything to me. Thank you so much for this request also—I know some of you have been wanting some more angst from me (with still happy/fluffy endings of course hehe, at least this time...maybe one day I'll try my hand at pure angst but I'm not sure today is that day), so I figured this would be a great prompt to start with on this sort of an endeavor! Plus, I just love it so much anyways, ever since it first came into my inbox I've been thinking about it. Thank you so much again for your request, and I hope you enjoy! Though like I said, please bear in mind I don't have the most experience with emphasis on angst so I apologize if this is not very adherent to that! Anyways, as always, requests are wide open!

Love,

Lavinia

Star-Crossed | Izzy Hands x Reader

Warnings: angst (with a happy ending but it takes a bit to get there), mentions of blood, some strong language, kissing, sort of already established unspoken relationship but also not 100% established right away

Word Count: 3912

Finally, the sun shone once again and not a single cloud was etched into the sky any longer. The crew of The Revenge almost forgot that sunlight even existed and were becoming accustomed to such foggy, grey skies forever—but, finally! Everyone was filled with such jubilee upon the sight and were quick to show it by chasing each other around on the main deck, swinging from ropes, dancing, plotting to convince the captains to grant them all a day on land to bask in the sun's rays—everyone except the first mate. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Izzy Hands leaning against the mast pole—no, slumped against it. You excused yourself from the gathering and rushed right over to Izzy, who stood up a bit straighter upon your arrival.

"I'm not going over there."

"You always have to have the first word, don't you?" you teased. "Do you want to, perhaps...get away from all this for a moment?"

"That wouldn't be so bad," Izzy shrugged, following your lead as you scurried off the main deck and into the hallway below that led to the quarters. "What are we doing here?"

You drew your sword from its sheath, smiling playfully. "I've practiced since we last dueled."

Izzy couldn't help but return a grin, fetching his own blade. "Is that so?"

"Why don't you see for yourself?" you inquired as you slashed the air. Izzy bowed impishly, to which you accepted with a curtsy, giggling. Your duels often were much like dances—precise footwork, synchronized, graceful movements across the floor, eye contact—lots of eye contact. The clash of the swords was like music to your ears, but Izzy's exasperated laughter was a much more magnificent melody, though followed next by your own ear piercing scream.

Izzy's worst nightmare had come true—there you were, bent over in anguish, clutching your stomach. Blood was all over your hands as you tried to stop it from gushing out of you. It was a deep cut and you had not actually been stabbed all the way through, though you still were going to need to be patched up sooner rather than later. Izzy's sword slipped out of his hands as he rushed over to you without any hesitation, scooping you up in his arms and placing his hand upon your left side to try and stop the bleeding. He rushed you back up to the main deck, guilt taking over him with such ease. His eyes were glossy, tears threatening to slip out of them.

"Some help over here!" Izzy demanded, and the crew all simultaneously turned their heads. Everyone sprinted to your side the second they heard his call, and saw your state.

"What happened?" Stede asked, his voice wavering.

"I'm okay, Stede," you managed to laugh, followed by a groan of pain.

"Clearly, you are not," Stede sighed. He turned to Izzy, a hand on his hip. "Izzy, what happened?"

"We—we were just dueling, and—"

"You hurt them?!" Jim spat. "Roach, will you—"

"Already on it," he assured them, carefully slinging your arm around him as he dragged you off into the distance.

"I didn't mean to—"

"Not another word, Izzy," Stede shushed him.

"Stay away from them," Lucius hissed as he walked off with Pete. Jim practically shot daggers out of their eyes, and Olu just sort of frowned. Izzy had never felt so defeated in his entire life. He immediately holed himself up in his quarters, draping across his bed almost lifelessly, hoping he would never have to emerge once again, not with the knowledge that he had hurt you so terribly and that the crew thought of him as some sort of monster. He was almost okay with them just being frustrated or annoyed by his presence, but being perceived like this created a deep wound in his heart he never expected to experience. If this is what he gets for truly trusting someone again, showing them a tenderness he had never felt for anyone, he did not want it.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Roach got you all patched up in no time and he anticipated your healing time would not last longer than a week, two at the most. You were never too worried in the first place, and as much as you appreciated the crew's care toward you, it felt as though they had blown the situation out of proportion. The first thing you yearned to do as soon as you were free to roam the ship once again was to find Izzy, as you knew he would be worried and probably swimming in his guilt. You nearly ran over to his quarters, though Stede popped out from out of nowhere, startling you.

"Stede! Fuck," you laughed. "You're quite...stealthy."

"I suppose so," he laughed with you. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, much better. I never really felt too bad in the first place," you beamed.

"Well, that is a relief!"

"Yes," you nodded. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to see Izzy now—"

"I actually don't think that's very wise."

"What? Why not? He didn't mean to hurt me, Stede—"

"—But he did hurt you—"

"—Hardly, and it was an accident—"

"I will not allow Izzy to see you."

"But—"

Out of nowhere, Jim and Lucius appeared, gently clinging onto your arms but with enough force to drag you away. You kept yelling for them to let you go but it was no use. They would gently assure you it would be for the best—at least, Lucius tried to be more gentle about it.

"You're better off being far away from that fucker," Jim muttered as they brought you back onto the deck. The entire time you squirmed, trying to escape their and Lucius' grasp. "We're going to Spanish Jackie's today."

"Fuck, you're serious? Might I remind you, she almost killed you last time!" Olu sighed out of a deep concern for Jim.

But this was perfect for you—the perfect opportunity to stay on the ship and talk to Izzy. You wouldn't let anyone stop you. Before you knew it, The Revenge had docked, and you had it all planned out. You followed everyone off of the ship, but stopped in your tracks just as you were about to walk off, which caused Buttons to bump into you, though obviously he was unfazed.

"Is everything alri—" Stede started to ask.

"I forgot my book," you feigned a gasp. "I was going to sit on that rock over there and just get lost in it for a bit."

"Well, who am I to stop you from grabbing it?" he smiled pleasantly.

You nodded gratefully and hurried down to the cabins. You knocked on Izzy's doors, knowing he was still in there.

"What is it," he spat.

"Izzy, can we talk?"

The prolonged silence was beginning to cause you to believe that he wanted nothing to do with you, until finally, he swung open the door. "You shouldn't be here."

"Yes, you should not," Stede almost chided, his voice suddenly heard from behind you.

"This is ridiculous!" you cried out as Stede practically forced Izzy back into his quarters and slammed the door shut.

"Let's have a nice day on shore, shall we?" Stede sighed happily. "It's such a beautiful d—"

Before he could finish his sentence, you had already stormed off the ship, and you were having the opposite of a beautiful day. Your heart only ached for the rest of it, yearning for the first mate and to reassure him and to rekindle things, to let him know that all was well on your end. You craved to stop the incessant self loathing and blaming you knew he was putting himself through. Yet all you could fucking do was feign a smile while everyone drank their own sorrows away, some almost even drinking themselves to death.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Weeks had passed you by, each day dragging painfully slowly and wasted wondering if they would just end any sooner, wondering if the day where you even got to think of breathing a word to Izzy again would exist and come. The crew still fixated eyes on the both of you, doing everything in their power to keep you away from one another. Jim didn't hesitate to physically drag you away if you even tried to go near him, and Pete would even try to threaten Izzy (to which, Lucius would step in and take over, saying things such as: "You're cute, babe, but I've got this. Not worth your time.")

If you couldn't talk to Izzy, you didn't want to talk to anyone. You were perfectly content sitting by the window of your room curled up with a good book, away from everyone until you absolutely had to be amongst them.

Why couldn't they just listen to you? Why did everything have to be so black and white? Why did it have to be handled this way? Why did it have to be this difficult? Sure, Stede would discourage Jim's literal dragging you away ("Surely there are better ways of handling this...") but he never stopped it. He still stopped you from seeing Izzy.

Finally, you couldn't ignore the fact that you were parched and so you slipped out of your quarters. As you did, you noticed the first mate also exiting his. The two of you stood there for a moment, flabbergasted, taking in one another's presences. You opened your mouth to speak, but Izzy was already shoving right past you. Without thinking, you latched onto his wrist. "Izzy, wait—"

Izzy escaped your grasp instantly, looking vacantly upon you. You prepared something to say once again, but Izzy wouldn't hear any of it. He didn't need to hear from you of all people that he had caused you harm. Or, almost worse—that you didn't hold it against him. He would understand more if you did share the feelings of the crew, but not if you forgave him. The thought made his head spin—fuck, he wanted you to forgive him, he wanted you to know he never meant to cause you any pain. But he knew it wasn't worth it. He knew that as long as you were around, you would be beloved either way and better off without his love and care, and he would be hidden away in the dark from everyone, left to rot and be forgotten about, and when remembered, ridiculed. He almost wished that someone would just berate him directly instead of having to see you every single day and how everyone's attitudes shift when you are within close proximity of each other. How the environment grows more tense. How no one is stating the obvious of not wanting him there. He wasn't stupid, he knew. He knew for a long time before any of this even happened, and it only had gotten worse now.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

There came a point where you and Izzy were allowed to speak, but only in supervised circumstances. He immediately deemed this not worth it, so, it elt as though you were still forced to succumb to the previous, awful arrangement. It had been almost two months since the initial incident and with every accidental brush of the hands and every almost smile and every stolen glance, your heart only hurt more, you only pined after him even more. You missed the warmth he brought you even on the coldest days. You needed the confirmation of your feeling safe that he was able to provide. The two of you were finally growing almost attached at the hip but now you were torn apart, pieces of yourself still stuck on him and you needed those parts of you back. No, you needed them to exist still, but only if you could properly share them with Izzy.

You couldn't take it anymore.

Every day, you saw the expression that Izzy displayed on his face for all to see—pure misery, regret, and even this sort of grief. This loss for something still there, though, not at all tangible anymore. You became a ghost that didn't even haunt him, but only lingered at the expense of unfinished business with him. He could never comprehend that you longed to speak with him just for the sake of it, for your own enjoyment. That wasn't possible to him, it simply didn't seem in the cards.

You really couldn't take it anymore. You couldn't endure him avoiding you like the plague, even if he was acting on behalf of the crew's wrongful wishes. You couldn't take the way he looked at you with such a hope and desire, yet such a soul-crushing defeat that he gave into ages ago.

"You got a minute, Captain?" you asked Stede as calmly as you could the second you finally forced yourself out of bed for the day.

"Why, of course!" Stede beamed, excited that you were about to confide in him about something.

"We need to talk about Izzy and I."

Stede only sighed, leading you to his own cabin and not saying a word until he was certain the door properly shut. "I am only doing what is best for your safety—"

"Izzy makes me feel safer than anyone on this ship," you confessed. "He is always looking out for me, no matter what. He would never let anything bad happen to me. I was so happy the sun had finally come out and I just wanted to have a bit of fun so I asked Izzy to duel, it's just something we do sometimes for fun. He didn't mean to injure me, but I'm sure he already feels bad enough as it is with you all treating him like he needs to be locked away forever—"

"I appreciate you trying to look out for him. You have always seen the best in people—"

"Stede, is that Romeo and Juliet on your shelf?"

"Why, yes!" Stede nodded, forgetting the true subject of the matter for a moment. "It's such a tragic story."

"Isn't it?" your lips curled into a determined smile. "So sad that the two families kept the young star-crossed lovers away from one another. All because of some sort of unnecessary family feud...Well, they were naïve anyway to think their children wouldn't still find ways to meet and fall even further in love. Maybe if they had been accepting of their love, they wouldn't have died so young and so devastatingly..."

Stede wasn't quite catching on yet. His hand flew to his chest, clearly touched by your sentiments still "It is sad."

"Stede, you are quite literally pulling a Romeo and Juliet on Izzy and I...do you not realize that?"

Suddenly, it all clicked. Stede's mouth practically unhinged from his jaw. "You...you love Izzy?"

"We have...we have a bond and it goes beyond him just trying to do his job. He really does look out for me, and I've really grown to care about him and I worry about him whenever he's off on the side or seems really distressed. Even on my worst days, being around him is enough to almost make me forget about my troubles. I feel so...so at peace when I'm with him. I really don't worry about anything when we're together. And keeping me away from him is really doing a number on me—"

"It was wrong of me to try and keep you two apart," Stede sighed. "I thought I was doing what was best for you, but only you know what is best for yourself. I'm so sorry."

"Thank you, Stede," you smiled slightly. "If I ever really need something, I promise I'll tell you. I don't take "talking it through as a crew" lightly."

Stede returned your smile. "I don't understand this at all...but, this is your own endeavor. We just want you to be happy."

You quickly pat Stede on the back as you bursted out of his room and made haste towards Izzy's. You knocked on his door with utmost urgency. No response. You continued to knock until finally, Izzy had enough and swung open the door, almost causing you to stumble upon entering.

"Izzy, are you alright?"

"Are you?"

"You barely nicked me," you assured him, shutting the door behind the two of you. "Izzy, I am okay. Please, don't feel bad."

"I don't think you should be here right now—"

"But Captain Bonnet said—"

"—Just go...Please."

Your heart was beginning to sink into the depths of the ocean in your chest. You could only manage to look at him—he who had such a glossy look in his eye, accompanied only with an expression of nonchalance. But you could see that he was hurting—you knew by the way he was hunched over and fiddling with his glove. Izzy could hardly look at you without wishing he could disappear. He had hurt you, and everyone went flocking over to you instantly, not even bothering to hear his side of things, nor even yours, where he knew you would have defended him, though you still were acknowledged more than he had been. But worst of all, he had hurt you—and he would never be able to recover from that. Never be able to forgive himself for it. And, he knew no one else would, either. He wouldn't blame you if you didn't, either. You made your way over to him slowly, sitting beside him.

"Look at me," you pleaded.

Finally, Izzy's eyes met with yours. All he could see when he gazed at you was the pure concern, the pure care in your pupils. How could you still care for him after what he had done, and after the crew painted him to be some sort of a villain even more than before?

"I'm okay," you reassured him. "You didn't hurt me. You didn't mean to. I'm the one who started the duel, and—"

"Don't fucking blame yourself. It was me. All me."

"Izzy, please—"

"I think you should leave."

Such a statement felt like a knife through the heart.

But all Izzy truly wanted was for you to engulf him in your arms as he allowed himself to cry against your shoulders. He wanted to apologize and beg for your forgiveness. But it just hurt too much. He felt as though he didn't deserve that. You were the only person who is able to see him for who he is, and even still, he felt as if he didn't deserve you, nor your understanding, nor your fondness.

Part of you somehow knew that Izzy didn't mean what he just commanded you to do—it felt like even further of a plea to stay. You hovered your hand above his arm, and he ever so subtly nodded—yes, please. You began to gently rub his arm, even trying to massage some of the smaller knots out. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? Never. You will never scare me away. It's because of you that I feel so safe—but it's not only that you are an exceptional first mate. You are so much more than that to me."

"But I hurt you."

"You have never hurt me. Ever. Hell, you're the one that picks up the pieces when I do get hurt."

Izzy turned away from you, unable to control the droplets flying out of his eyes now. You could tell he was crying, but you knew not to overdo it with making sure he was alright. You carefully moved in a bit closer to him, resting your head upon his shoulder.

"I never meant to—"

"I know, Iz, I kn—"

"Let me finish," he requested gently. "If not for your conscience, but for mine. I become so afraid of hurting you and of messing up with you that I did. I didn't mean to, but I still did. I'm sorry, is all."

"Izzy, are we talking about the same thing anymore?"

"I don't want you to think I'm a monster, too," Izzy whimpered. "I know...I know I've done some things I'm not proud of. Things I wish you never had to know about."

"But I still love those parts of you. They are parts of you. But, they don't have to define you, either."

"You...what?"

"What?" To say you were confused was an understatement.

"You...love those parts of me?"

"I love you. Dammit, Iz. It's always been you," you sighed, happiness washing over you just as much as woe and a slight worry he wouldn't reciprocate your sentiments had.

"You...what?"

"Is that the only thing you say now?" you laughed nervously.

"I have this instinct I can't fight off and it's to look after you in ways I wouldn't normally look after anyone else. If anything ever happened to you, I'd blame myself, and I have."

"What are you saying?"

"I...think you know."

"I think I do, but maybe I don't—"

"Oh, fuck off!"

"Izzy, I really don't know what you're trying to say—"

"I love you."

You laughed, relief overcoming you. You gently took his hand in yours, stroking his thumb with yours. "This isn't a bad thing, you know. I don't want anyone else. I'm glad it's you, Izzy."

"The crew isn't going to be happy about this—"

"I talked to Stede, and fuck whatever the rest of them think," you shrugged. "What do they know?"

Izzy chuckled, gently pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear with his free hand. "Fuck them."

"Fuck them so much," you laughed as you leaned in, unable to stand the distance between the two of you anymore, and nor could Izzy. The anticipation not only from the abundance of time that passed the both of you by and all you had were glances which you could only hope communicated something, but also since the moment you met and especially since your connection began to blossom, shone through in the kiss shared between the two of you. This moment felt long overdue and you now wanted not to waste anymore precious time—you couldn't afford to. Your heart began to do pirouettes as your lips danced in sync. You had never been so certain about what love could mean for you until Izzy Hands waltzed into your life.

And your touch, your kiss made Izzy feel the most beautiful and understood that he ever had. As he melted into the warmth your affection and his excitement emitted, he no longer felt like a monster but rather a person, someone, worthy of such love and tender care. This wonderful phenomena was only centimeters away from him the entire time he spent withering away and conforming to all other beliefs of his character, believing the slander and the accusations, almost becoming them. With you, he was able to let go of these perils, to escape the shackles restricting him from seeing the person he truly is and could be. To leave the past behind in such a way not reminiscent of denial, but the refusal of allowing it to define him and hold him down. He could care less what the crew thought. For once in his life, he was happy, and no one, nor nothing should even dare to try and take that from him. You surely wouldn't allow anyone to. You were prepared to protect him just as he continued to do for you. And as long as you were around, happiness wouldn't escape him. Not anymore.

#ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #ofmd season 2 #izzy hands x reader #x reader #izzy hands my beloved #fanfic #ofmd s2 #ofmd izzy hands #requests are open #please request #angst #angst with a happy ending #happy ending #fluff #i think this is the best thing i've written on here so far wow #our flag means death season 2 #might i remind you all i'm not the best with angst but i did my best #israel hands #israel hands x reader

[moooncats]

✿ Pick A Card ✿

✿ What Does Your Inner Child Think Of You? ✿

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✿ Pile 1 : Imagination , Chakra Clearing. ✿

Wow! This Pile so far is one of my favorites right off the back. Like seriously I RARELY ever pull out this elusive card and right off the bat.... blam! Haha what incredible energy we have here. So I'm hearing that your inner child is so stinking happy of the person that you've become. They love how you revel in the wondrous, mysterious, most beauteous power of your imagination, and let it whisk you away on a right-brained roomp through all things nonsensical, Suess plays Wonka style. To them, you're an off road adventurer, playing in the upside- down, glow-in-the-dark woods of posibility. There is no "no" here. Only "whoa!". And "flow". And "Holy moly, here we go!". (Hmmm maybe there was something in your brownies? c; ). Your inner child feels heard from you and is attentively hanging out with you feeling affirmed by every journey you set out to. I'm hearing "Your the best friend I could ever ask for." Omg pile 1 this is so effing sweet like seriously, they think you're such a cool, magical person. They wouldn't have it any other way! (:

✿ Advice From Your Inner Child ✿

Chakra Cleansing: Archangel Metatron: "Call upon me to clear and open your chakra's, using sacred geometric shapes. Your inner child want's to make sure that you are taking care of yourself and not over extending your energy ♡. Please make sure to cleanse your aura every once in a while. You can take a bath with essential oils, sage/paulo santo's your body and area, or do a salt water cleanse in a lake or beach. The water can be very cleansing and healing. As a native from Hawaii the beach would be my go to cleanse preference. (✿◠‿◠) 🌊

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✿ Pile 2 : Open Heartedness , Prioritize ✿

Wow pile 2 lemme give you a hug okay? 🫂 Seriously, you have been through some stuff. I'm picking up on heavy energy here. Your inner child is amazed at how unjaded you are. They have seen you go through some people who were absolute bummers. Did that experience make you salty in any way? Heck no. They see you as a strong warriror who always chooses to not let unhappy chapters make you into a monster. They appreciate that so much. If you let negative experiences turn you sour, then the jerks and bully's win. So you move on with an open and hopeful heart, if only because you hate losing to jerks. Pile 2 you are winners. 🏆💗 You kill people with kindness and don't let their bad energies mix in with your pure and thoughtful heart. Your inner child is so sweet, they tell me that they give you hugs and love that you are the person they have become. I'm hearing "We are misunderstood and not everyone will get us, but our hearts are always pure".

✿ Advice From Your Inner Child ✿

Prioritize: Archangel Metatron : "Focus on your highest priorities. I will help you get orginized and motivated". Pile 2, your inner child is amazed at how many ideas that you get from time to time. However, they want you to manifest your thoughts from the 4D and materialize them into the 3D. Proper planning and prioritzing will help you with that. Take out a sheet of paper, and start writing your goals, plans, anything that has to do with your future. They want to make sure that you at least have them written, so you can start "scripting" your dream life. If you don't know what scripting is, it's a form of manifestation that helps you with your ideal dream life. Try it out, it's free and does wonders. Your inner child wants to help you realize your power. I'm hearing your quite popular in the dream realm, you may have astral traveled before or have been looking into it. This is your sign to continue on that path. Congratulations pile 2! This is so far the longest pile that I've done so far. So many messages! ʕ￫ᴥ￩ʔ ♡

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✿ Pile 3 : Honouring Ideas , Clear Intentions ✿

Interesting indeed. This pile I'm hearing unlike pile 2, you are the type to go for your goals. Your Inner child is quite impressed with you! They love how many silly, serious, & whack a doodle ideas you come up with! Lmao, I'm hearing a specific scenario for every event in your life. What an amazing brain you have. This is my pile who always has their head stuck in a book, ears listening to a podcast, and an head full of wonder and ideas. When an idea comes to you, you honor it by doing your best to bringing it into being. You are a master manifestor. Ideas to you, are like children, and you proudly nuture them, knowing they'll grow and develop, and eventually make their way out into the world without ever really acknowledging how much time/money/love you shelled out for them. This is my piles who may be entrepreneurs. Seriously keep that ish up, you are definitely trend setters! Your inner child loves how smart and buisness minded you are. They are definitely proud of the person that you are and have become. (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ♡

✿ Advice From Your Inner Child ✿

Crystal Clear Intentions: Archangel Michael : "Be clear about what you desire, and focus on in with unwavering faith". Pile 3, I'm hearing that any idea you have will be brought into fruition. How lucky! The gods are definitely in your favor when in comes to Manifesting. Please do not stop dreaming, all your dreams will surely come true with the right intentions. 🌌☁️✨️

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#baby witch #intuition #intuitive #pac #pick a card #tarot #tarotreading #tarotblr #tarot blog #free tarot #witchblr #inner child #inner child reading #shadowwork #moooncatstarot

[lonepantheress]

i really love you

☆ pairing: kim gyuvin x reader

☆ genre: angst mostly! rlly not as romantic as i hoped

☆ warnings: yunjin le sserafim cameo

☆ wc: 3.3k

☆ a/n: i feel like i owe 1000 apologies and then some. this is the first thing that i've written in awhile. i know i've been MIA but life has really been chaotic. still i wrote this a few weeks ago and decided just to post since i haven't. i miss this blog and the lovely messages i'd receive. i hope you all enjoy &lt;3.

You were often told that people envied your friendship with Gyuvin. You hadn’t known each other your whole lives, but it definitely felt like it. In fact, you considered yourself lucky to have a connection that goes so far beyond the surface level.

The depth of your bond presented itself in a way you considered unique. It was incredible to have someone who knew everything about you – who wanted to know everything about you. He was your shoulder to cry on and the most reliable person that you knew. You often found yourself with the fleeting thought of What if we were more than just best friends? But you brushed it off before you even gave yourself the chance to entertain it.

Still, it was no question to the people around you that you and Gyuvin were something more than best friends – even without that “Boyfriend-Girlfriend” label.

Which is how you found yourself in this position: You and Yunjin found yourselves in the same boat of “I-haven’t-know-you-my-whole-life-but-I-definetly-feel-like-I-have,” meaning you frequently spent your time with one another, and on a weekly basis you slept over at her apartment and vice versa.

You’d watch movies and do skin care and braid hair, but above all you exchanged secrets. Over months and months of sleepovers you found out about Yunjin’s secret spelling mishap of 8th grade, and she found out about your high school boyfriend who liked to call you “Sugar Plum” unironically. No matter how serious or ridiculous the secret, they came out naturally in the dead of night during almost every sleepover the two of you would have.

“I think, maybe, deep down inside, I am possibly harboring some feelings for Gyuvin.” The confession came out with the same pit in your stomach you get when you’re throwing up. 

You sat across from Yunjin on her apartment bedroom floor with green face masks adorning both of your faces. You couldn’t believe the words that had just left your mouth, your heart raced while you waited for Yunjin to give you some sort of response. When your eyes darted up at her, she looked at you wide-eyed and jaw-dropped. 

The room seemed to hold its breath, almost as if it were waiting with you for Yunjin to say something. You were having one of those heart-to-hearts that you only have in the dead of night, admitting all kinds of secrets that you had to look deep inside to find. Still, upon hearing yours, she blinked a few times as if she was trying to process what she’d just heard.

“Wow,” she said softly, breaking the silence, “I mean, I already knew that! I just wasn’t expecting you to say it!”

You managed a weak smile in return, the corners of your lips shaking with nerves, “Yeah. Me neither.”

“Well? You haven’t said anything to him about it?”

“What? No! Oh god, no. That hurts my head just thinking about it, no. I can’t.”

“You can’t?” 

“I can’t.”

She didn’t understand you, but she understood the weight of your words and decided not to bother you about it anymore. Yunjin reached over and gently put her hand over yours, the warmth of her touch grounded you in that moment. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. You know I’m here if you need anything, right?”

The confession occupied the air between the two of you like a fragile secret. Now, the green face masks seemed oddly out of place. As if the intimate exchange had transcended the triviality of their original purpose. 

Yunjin’s initial shock gave way to a soft smile, her eyes holding a mixture of empathy and understanding. The kind of understanding that could only be offered by close friends – knowing they may not comprehend the depth of your emotions, they will be there for you nonetheless.

You sighed heavily and turned your gaze to the ceiling, letting all those emotions you shoved down take their place in your heart. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling half the time,” you admitted, voice carrying a mix of frustration and self deprecation.

Yunjin chuckled, her eyes crinkled in the corners and the dry mask of her face cracked in sync. “Babe, feelings are messy! I don’t think mine ever follow a logical path.”

“God, tell me about it. It’s just… Gyuvin, you know? We’re just too good as friends. What if I ruin it?”

Your hand received a reassuring squeeze from Yunjin before she withdrew her touch, a pensive expression on her face. She leaned back on her arms, considering your words carefully.

“I mean – I personally don’t get where you’re coming from,” she began, voice gentle, “But think about it this way Y/n: if your friendship is as good as you believe it is, then it’s strong enough to handle some turbulence. Emotions aren’t always predictable, and that’s okay! What if some weird unspoken tension affects your friendship more than your harboring some secret feelings?”

You sighed again, staring at the tiles at the ceiling as if they’d give you the answer after a while. “I know. You’re right. It’s just scary…I don’t even care if he feels the same way, what if things get weird between us?”

Yunjin leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. “Babe, look, I can’t predict the future. I do know that honesty is the best policy, though. He deserves to know the truth, but you deserve to express your feelings even more! Whether he reciprocates or not, it’s not in your control. What you can control is how you handle this moving forward.”

“You’re right,” you admitted, letting your head down to face her. “I can’t even tell you how long I’ve been avoiding this for. It isn’t fair to either of us.”

Yunjin smiled widely at you, mask cracking more and more. “Exactly! And you know what they say about regrets, right?”

“What do they say?”

“Well.. I don’t really know. But they have to say something about it! Look, if he truly values your friendship then he’ll appreciate your honesty.”

You smiled back at Yunjin, your own mask cracking from the movement in your face. Yunjin stood up and held her hand out for you to grab.

You reached out and took her hand, letting her help you up from the ground. The air in the room felt a little lighter now, as if the weight of your confession had been shared and the burden lessened.

“Come on,” Yunjin said, “Let’s wash these off and then go to bed. We can talk about this in the morning or something. And if things don’t work, I will happily accept a confession from you on his behalf!”

Despite the impact that your much needed heart-to-heart with Yunjin had on you, you still found yourself unable to take any immediate action (or any action at all, for that matter.) In fact, it was more like the opposite. Your behavior took an unexpected turn – one that puzzled those around you. To you, though, it all made perfect sense. You had finally sat down and confronted those feelings that you had long harbored, and you need some time and space to really process it. Particularly, time and space away from Gyuvin. 

You shifted to practically being inseparable from one another to being distant and withdrawn. Those who’d grown accustomed to seeing you two together nearly every day were now met with your fleeting glances and casual avoidance. It was you who’d placed the invisible barrier between you and Gyuvin, leaving him equally confused by your sudden change in behavior.

Though, he didn’t know what exactly caused this sudden shift with you, he wasn’t blind to the cues you were throwing his way. He noticed immediately your short responses (if he had received one at all), and your excuses to avoid making any plans. He saw you take the long way from one place to another and he could only assume it was so you could avoid crossing paths with him. And while the biggest part of him wanted to know why, his brain told him to just let you deal with whatever it was you were dealing with. 

This went on for three weeks before someone decided to mention it. 

“What’s going on with Y/n?”

“What’s going on with Y/n?” Gyuvin scoffed at Matthew’s question and deadpanned, “If I knew that, she’d probably be here right now.”

Matthew raised an eyebrow, “Man, don’t get mad at me. I’m just so used to seeing you guys together all the time. It’s weird to everyone to see you guys apart like this.” Matthew leaned against the table at the campus café that they both sat.

Gyuvin let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair, “You’re telling me? I’ve tried talking to her but she’s just… distant? I dunno. I can’t put a finger on why.”

“Did you guys have a fight?”

He shook his head, face full of frustration. “Is it bad if I say I wish we did? At least then I’d know what I did. She’s just been acting different. We used to spend hours talking about the dumbest shit and now it’s like pulling teeth to even get a few words out of her.”

Matthew took a sip from his coffee, gaze fixed on Gyuvin, “Maybe she’s going through something! Sometimes people start acting like that when they’re going through something personally. It could be something heavy, and she’s just not ready to talk about it yet.”

Gyuvin frowned at that idea, his mind was racing considering Matthew’s words. What could be so bad that you wouldn’t tell him? “You think so?”

Matthew nodded. 

“I mean.. I don’t know, man. We’re always there for each other. If that’s the case then I wish she’d just let me in.”

Matthew gave a wide, reassuring smile before replying, “Maybe she will, eventually. Just give her some time. Try not to let her push you away completely, keep reaching out. Even if it’s just a, ‘Hey. How’s your day?’ text or something.”

Gyuvin nodded, trying his best not to acknowledge the little pit in his stomach that was gnawing at him, “I’ll do that. But I get to blame you if your advice sucks.”

With the days passing, Gyuvin took Matthew’s advice to heart. He started sending you the occasional message asking about your day or giving you an anecdote out of his. He wasn’t expecting lengthy responses, but he wanted you to know that he was still there regardless of whatever it was you were dealing with.

You, on the other hand, were dealing with all kinds of complex sentiments about your situation. To no one’s surprise, honesty was a much easier concept to speak about than it was in practice. That confession to Yunjin that night had opened a floodgate of uncertainty and fear for you. Part of you had expected your feelings to be reciprocated or to at least be brushed aside as a passing thought, but the reality was much more complicated. You’d unintentionally thrown a wrench in your friendship with Gyuvin, and it was past the point of you knowing how you could fix it. 

You spent a lot of time thinking about it, your situation. You stared at your messages with Gyuvin and wondered if they’d be any different if you were honest. When you’d see him on campus laughing with his friends, your heart would ring itself out. Your close friends could notice the toll that it was taking on you, especially Yunjin. She was the only one who knew anything about what you were feeling, so she was the only one who could try to help.

She noticed how your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes anymore, or the heavy sighs that seemed to escape you involuntarily, or the way that you’d space out and think to yourself more often. 

One night, you were both sprawled across her living room couch with a movie playing in the background. The atmosphere was interrupted by the loud chime of your phone. It sat on the coffee table in the center and the screen was lit up with a text.

“Who’s that?”

You both knew who it was. “Oh, probably my mom or something. I’ll just reply later.” You could lie all you wanted, but you couldn’t pretend that your situation wasn’t getting to you. The message was short and sweet, but it made your stomach erupt with butterflies while simultaneously giving you the urge to throw up. Hi, I’m thinking of you. Just wanted to check in and ask you about your day.

“Y/n.” Yunjin spoke softly, but she sounded stern. She wanted you to take her seriously and to let your walls down again.

“Yunjin.” You responded, putting your phone back down and looking her in the eye.

“I can see how much this is bothering you. It’s eating you up inside, isn’t it?” She sat up and grabbed the remote from the coffee table, pausing the movie before facing you again. Neither of you need to clarify what “this,” was because the heavy toll it had taken on your heart was evident to anyone who knew about your feelings.

You couldn’t stop the tears before they began to fall. You could only nod in response, unable to put your feelings into words. 

“Babe, I think it’s time to face this head-on,” Yunjin suggested, maintaining a firm but gentle tone. “You can’t avoid him forever. It’s hurting the both of you.”

“But what if it makes things worse?” You whispered, voice trembling.

“I really, really, really don’t think you’d do that,” Yunjin sighed and faced you directly. “He asked me about you the other day.”

That only made you cry harder, feeling like your heart would just explode in your chest. “What’d he say?” You managed to ask through sobs.

“You know, he just wanted to see how you were. If everything was okay with you.”

“And what’d you tell him?”

“I told him that I couldn’t really say. That you’ll make the time soon to go talk to him.”

“Yunjin…” you trailed off and broke your eye contact with her, feeling embarrassed. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy,” she began, “But, this distance? This awkwardness? It’s not doing you any favors. At least if you talk to him you’ll know where you stand.”

All you could do was nod before Yunjin brought you into a deep embrace, comforting you while you cried on her shoulder.

Over the next few days, you continued to wrestle with the decision of finally facing Gyuvin. The inner turmoil was beginning to reach its peak, you knew that you couldn’t keep pretending like he didn’t exist. Yunjin’s words echoed in your mind as a constant reminder to confront your feelings and put an end to the growing distance between you and Gyuvin. 

One evening, as the sun began to set and cast a variety of golden hues over the city, you found yourself standing in front of Gyuvin’s favorite coffee shop. It was also your favorite, but you’d been avoiding it on the off chance that you’d see him there. Your heart raced as you took a deep breath, trying to summon the courage to go inside. The bell above the door tinkled as you entered, scanning the cozy interior until your gaze met Gyuvin.

He was sitting by the window, engrossed in whatever assignment he was working on, his brows furrowed in concentration. The sight of him sent a rush of emotions through you – familiarity, comfort, and a twinge of nervousness. You scolded yourself internally for being scared to talk to your best friend.

You approached his table, cringing at how loud your footsteps seemed to sound in the otherwise quiet café. He looked up, surprise registering on his face before morphing into a warm smile.

“Hi,” he greeted, closing the books that littered the table and setting them aside, “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Hi,” you echoed, your voice a little shaky, “Is it okay if I sit with you?”

Gyuvin’s expression to a more confused one, but his smile never faltered. “Of course you can sit with me,” he gestured to the empty seat across from him, “I would actually really like it if you did.”

You settled into the seat, avoiding eye contact with him. The silence between the two of you hung for a moment before Gyuvin decided to speak up, “Is everything okay with you? I feel like I never hear from you lately.”

You took a deep breath, your heart still racing. “That’s actually why I came here. I was hoping you’d be here so that we could talk.”

His brows furrowed slightly and his expression dropped, concern evident in his eyes, “You can tell me anything. Please, talk to me.”

“I really love you Gyuvin.”

Gyuvin smiled earnestly at you, “I love you too. You know that you can tell me anything, right?”

You sighed and looked him in the eye before repeating yourself, “No, I mean, I love you.”

Gyuvin's eyes widened, and he seemed momentarily taken aback by your confession. He opened his mouth to say something but hesitated, as if choosing his words carefully. 

You cut him off before he could speak, “I just – I sort of realized it one night and I couldn’t figure out how to face you? I didn’t know how, so I just didn’t. And I know it was wrong and I know I should’ve just been honest with you and I just….” you trailed off and looked for some sign of understanding in his eyes.

There was a passing moment of silence where your eye contact was never broken, but you could feel your heart drumming against your chest while the lights in the café began turning on to account for the lack of the sun.

“I love you too.”

Your eyes widened and you waited to respond out of fear that the butterflies in your stomach would fly out if you opened your mouth. “You love me?”

“I really love you,” he mimicked your earlier statement.

You laughed a bit and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, reaching a hand out to intertwine with Gyuvin’s. “I was so scared. That by telling you I’d ruin our friendship. That scared me more than anything.”

"Y/n, you have to understand that our friendship is incredibly precious to me, like a guiding light in my life. But you… you're more than that. And now, it's as if our bond is being woven even tighter, stronger, because we're entrusting each other with the most vulnerable parts of ourselves." Gyuvin's voice softened, his eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. "It's a kind of feeling that I never want to lose."

You felt a sense of relief wash over you at his words, tears welling up in your eyes and rolling down your cheeks, “I should’ve talked to you sooner. I’m sorry, I really am.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said softly, wiping the tears from your cheeks with his free hand. “You’re here now. We’re here now and that’s what matters.”

You chuckled through your tears, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. “Yunjin was right, you know. She told me I needed to face this head-on.”

“I never thought I’d say this about her, but you have a pretty smart friend,” Gyuvin teased, his smile widening.

You both laughed, the tension in the air dissipating. It felt like a heavy fog had been lifted for the both of you, leaving a clarity that neither of you had seen before. The café seemed to fade into the background as you focused on each other.

“So…” you began, “What do we do now?”

Gyuvin leaned in a little closer, his eyes locked onto yours. “I think you owe me, at the very least, a date for what I had to put up with this past month.”

You nodded, stifling your giggles from him before responding, “I think I can make that happen.”

#zerobaseone x reader #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zerobaseone #zerobaseone headcanons #zerobaseone scenarios #zerobaseone oneshot #zerobaseone angst #zb1 angst #zb1 fics #zerobaseone fics #kim gyuvin #gyuvin x reader #zb1 gyuvin #gyuvin imagines

[yessa-vie]

fic recs list (completed) P. I ❣

→ IMPORTANT. the list is divided between completed (P. 01 || P. 02) and on going, most of them are Stray Kids because there's a considerable amount of those and most of them are smau.

→ TBR LIST ❣

→ LAST UPDATE. 29.12.2023 (dd/mm/yyyy)

LIST BELLOW THE CUT!

PART 01 | PART 02.

→ SYMBOLS. [♥] favorites || [⌨] smau || [✎] written ||[✉] smau with written parts ||[★] MDNI (reader's discretion is advised, sensitive and suggestive topics, not only smut)||[❄] new ones||

COMPLETE ❣

→ ONLY FOOLS FALL FOR YOU. (@hyunjinspark ) [♥][★][✉]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - smau with written parts. uni au. enemies to lovers. slow burn. idiots in love (at one point they become this in my personal opinion). - 70 chapters. - this is the story that got me back for good with fanfics, i swear, Jade is such an amazing writer i can't even start to contemplate everything. i would LITERALLY read her grocery shopping list if she allowes me too and i would thank her for it.

→ MY SUNSHINE. (@staysuki) [♥][★][✉]

- Lee Minho. - smau with two written parts. sunshine x "grumpy" (slightly tsundere). uni au. - 15 chapters + bonus. - literally one of my comfort reads, not even a joke. this story is just so... idek where to begin, but I just adore this story.

→ HAPPY DEATH DAY. (@staysuki) [♥][✉]

- Lee Felix Yongbok. - smau with written parts. friends to enemies to friends to lovers. slow burn. themes treated here may be triggering to some readers. - 41 chapters + bonus. - this was my first Felix fanfic and i absolutely LOVE IT! the whole thing was incredible, like i loved his character in Sweet Like Candy, having his spin off and being THIS GOOD? wow, it was just amazing!

→ SWEET LIKE CANDY. (@staysuki) [✉]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - smau with written parts. enemies to friends to lovers. - 70 chapters + bonus.

→ MY STRANGE ADDICTION. (@j-onedrabbles) [♥][★][✉]

- Lee Minho. - smau with written parts. uni au. mature themes and scenes. kinda strangers to lovers. - 27 chapters.

→ WHAT IS LOVE?. (@juyeonszn) [♥][✉]

- Lee Juyeon. - sm au and uni au. idiots in love (mostly juyeon). pure fluff with a tip of angst. - 35 chapters. - this was my first Juyeon fanfic and it's so so cute! the whole idea was incredible! the way she managed the situation was so cute and adorable, truly one of the cutest stories i've read so far.

→ IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. (@staysuki) [⌨]

- Yang Jeongin. - 11 chapters.

→ CAN THE WORLD JUST END ALREADY?. (@staysuki) [♥] [✉]

↪ season 02 of "IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD".

- Yang Jeongin. - 21 chapters + bonus.

→ SUGAR AND SPICE. (@imagine-a-life-like-this) [♥][★][✉]

- Lee Minho. - 37 chapters. - one of the first Minho ones that I read and I completely loved it, I can't even begin to explain tbh, I just adore this story so much.

→ VENUS BROUGHT ME RIGHT TO YOU. (@gnabnahc-143) [✎]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - imagine, wc: 3,1k.

→ TIME OF LOVE. (@desayunho). [♥][★][✉]

- Choi San + Jung Wooyoung. - 48 chapters + bonus.

→ ISN'T IT DELICATE?. (@writing-skz) [⌨]

- Lee Minho. - 35 chapters + bonus.

→ LOVE FOOL. (@desayunho) [♥][⌨]

- Jeong Yunho. - 32 chapters.

→ HELLO STRANGER. (@mintquokka) [♥][✉]

- Lee Minho. - 40 chapters + bonus.

→ IGNOMINY. (@songmingisthighs) [♥][★][✉]

- Choi San. - 95 chapters.

→ I THINK YOU KNOW. (@ladylexis) [♥][✎]

- Lee Minho. - imagine, wc: 3,6k. - one of the best "bestfriend's brother" tropes i've ever read, that's it, hands down.

→ I WISH YOU WOULD. (@hyunniesgirl) [♥][✎]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - imagine, wc: 5,120. - and yet again another HP X SKZ cross over and I loved every second of it! i need more, i need a whole fanfic about it, idc how long it takes, i need it.

→ CRUSH CULTURE. (@1-800-hyunlix) [♥][⌨]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - 45 chapters.

→ SERENDIPITY. (@staytinys) [♥][⌨]

- Choi San. - 28 chapters.

→ OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND EVIL. (@staysuki) [♥][✉]

- ?? SKZ. - 20 chapters. - i'm a sucker for fantasy and this is another top tier one.

→ ALL I KNOW IS YOUR NAME. (@imagine-a-life-like-this) [♥][✉]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - 32 chapters + bonus (and alter ending).

→ UNTITLED??. (@atinycafe) [♥][✎]

- Choi San. - imagine, wc: ??.

→ EPIC HIGHS AND LOWS OF JYP UNIVERSITY. (@staysuki) [✉]

- OT8! Stray Kids. - 57 chapters in total (so far).

↪ SEASON 01.

- 26 chapters.

↪ SEASON 02.

- 31 chapters.

→ THE BOY IS BAD NEWS. (@milkandhyunnie) [✉]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - 42 chapters + bonus.

→ BUY ME A DRINK FIRST. (@tr0p1cal) [✉]

- Seo Changbin. - 28 chapters. - this is my official first Changbin fanfic i read and i'm so excited, it was so cute over all, i loved how she did the whole thing happen and i'm honestly so excited for the whole stars series, you have no idea!

→ WHAT'S YOUR SINE?. (@jeonginssa) [⌨]

- Lee Minho. - 10 chapters. (has ONE written chapter tho)

→ TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. (@ahgastae) [⌨]

- Hwang Hyunijn. - 44 chapters + bonus.

→ THE JOURNAL. (@theright-sideofme) [⌨]

- Lee Minho. - 25 chapters.

→ STRAWBERRIES. (@tasteleeknow) [★][✎]

- Lee Minho + Han Jisung. - imagine, wc: 5k.

→ COLLATERAL DAMAGE. (@dalamjisung) [✉]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - 16 chapters.

→ THE VIEW. (@luvrhyune) [⌨]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - 14 chapters.

→ PROTECTION. (@bambikisss) [★][✎]

- Choi San. - imagine, wc: ?.

→ JUST SAY IT (THAT GIRL IS MINE). (@haechanhues) [♥][✉]

- Lee Minho. - 50 chapters.

→ PARTY OF THREE. (@cybrsan) [♥][★][✎]

- Choi San + Jung Wooyoung. - imagine, wc: 5,3k.

→ LOVE PLAYLIST. (@juyoens) [♥][⌨]

- Lee Hyunjae. - 14 chapters.

→ LOVE RISK. (@feelbokkie) [♥][✉]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - 20 chapters + bonus. - i saw she says this is her least favorite child and i understand, but yet i loved this story so much! it was the first one that i read and then i just entered the rabit whole that is enjoying @feelbokkie writing, so yeah, i'm eagerly waiting for the sequeal btw.

→ SUNDAY'S PARADIGM. (@sunboki) [♥][✎]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - imagine, wc: 2,6k.

→ STAR-CROSSED ENEMIES. (@mingiswow) [⌨]

- Seo Changbin + Hwang Hyunjin. - 40 chapter.

→ GOODNIGHT N GO. (@cosmic-railwayxo) [♥][✎]

- Hwang Hyunjin. - 03 chapters. - this story. THIS FUCKING STORY. it broke me and healed me and idek anymore. i loved every second of all three chapters. this story is so good it hurts!

#fic recs #ateez recs #ateez fic recs #skz recs #stray kids recs #skz fic recs #stray kids fic recs #tbz recs #kpop recs #kpop fic recs #yv.recs

[psychovigilantewrites]

It's Been Awhile

Pairing: Jason Todd/Reader

Word Count: 5,500

Rating: Explicit, there is sex, R18

Summary: Reader visits Jason after some time.

Masterlist | Ao3

A/N: Hey guys! It's been awhile, hasn't it. Sorry it's not a Red Who update, but I promise I have not abandoned it yet.

I am extremely rusty, because I haven't been reading nor writing much lately. I have a full time job now, and I'm on my way to paving my career. I still think of you guys a lot, though. So thank you so much for sticking with me till now. To the new followers, you won't see much activity here, but I will return from time to time to post or scroll or check up on things.

I'm so rusty that a 5000 word count felt so long to me. I remember when I was churning like, 12k word count within a week. Lol, I would love to try that out again. Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you all enjoy! This is the most I've written in a while.

You kicked an empty beer can aside and heard its metallic clink against the brick wall as you walked down the narrow alley.

From all the years you spent in alleyways, you got used to the smell and the suspicious puddles. It was dimly lit, the only light source coming from the apartment windows above you. You stopped below the fire escape and jumped, hands grasping the end of the metal ladder to pull it down so you could climb up.

You counted the floors. Four, seven… twelfth. You stopped a floor below your target so you could carefully creep up to the thirteenth. You peeked through your target’s opened window carefully. His apartment was brightly lit and clean. You noticed all the surfaces like the coffee table at the centre of the living room, and the small dining table at the far side of the apartment near the main entrance, were clear of any clutter or stains. The light grey sofa near the window where you were at looked new, with fluffed cushions arranged on the seats along with a beige throw blanket.

Your target had his bare back facing you, standing at the kitchen where he was putting away the dishes in the overhead cabinet. He was shirtless, so you could see the muscles of his back ripple and flex when he reached above his head. You climbed through the window silently and entered his apartment.

“Hello there-” you started, but immediately ducked to avoid the flying mug aimed at you but missing and crashed into pieces behind you. “Wow, rude.”

“Christ,” Jason swore when he realised who you were. “What the fuck? You scared the shit outta me.”

You grinned at him. “Not my fault you’re losing your touch. You really didn’t hear me?”

“I was never able to hear you, you know that,” he scowled and crossed his arms while walking towards you. “Take off your shoes, you’re dragging dirt all over my house.”

“Not until you clean up the glass.”

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes, grabbing a broom to sweep away the shards.

You sat down on his sofa. An awkward silence passed.

“So,” you looked around his apartment. It was familiar because you’ve been there so many times before, but he had obviously done some rearranging and bought new furniture. There were definitely more books on his shelf now. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.”

“Around… six months?”

“Without any messages or phone calls,” he frowned, looking at the floor that was now clean and clear.

“Jason,” you groaned, “You know I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed, putting aside the dustpan. “It’s just- it was hard not knowing whether you were safe or not.”

“You think undercover has been easy for me too?” you demanded.

“I know it hasn’t- look, I don’t want to argue,” he admitted. He sat down on the sofa next to you. You felt the sofa dip at his weight. “I’ve been undercover too. I know how hard it is. I was just worried.”

You looked at him. His thick eyebrows were pulled down in a frown, his icy blue eyes staring at you intensely. He had a bruise that was healing on the upper corner of his left cheekbone, and a fresh new cut on his lower lip.

“You’re my best friend. You’re the only one I’ve known the longest. Not knowing whether you were dead or alive does things to a person,” he stressed.

“Well, I’m here now. Alive. And demanding you get me some liquor,” you winked.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, but complied. “Since when did you start drinking casually?”

You hesitated. “Since Elisa.”

“I have whiskey, bourbon, gin, tequila and beer,” he listed the contents of his liquor cabinet.

“Gin, soda and lime, please,” you ordered. Jason immediately got to work, making you your cocktail. “Bring the bottle here as well. I might want a top up.”

He raised an eyebrow as he served you and put the bottle of gin down on the coffee table.

“Aww, you even put a little lime wedge. Cute,” you teased and sipped. “Yep, I was right. Did you always used to make your drinks this weak?”

“You never complained before,” he replied, watching you pour a little more gin in your glass. “The drinks in Cuba must be strong.”

You paused, lips still on the rim of the cup. Silence fell again, before you shrugged. “I’ve taken quite a liking to rum.”

You dug through the sling bag pouch you had across your body and took out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jason protested.

“Uh, I’m lightshing a shigarette,” you answered with the cigarette already on your lips.

“One, no smoking in my house,” he snatched the cigarette from you and threw it on the table, “ Two, did Elisa smoke too?”

“She didn’t and then she did,” you scowled, “How long have you quit?”

“Four months,” he said, “I use these now. It’s helped a lot. I suggest you do the same.”

He took out a bright pink cylindrical metal tube with a straw-like tip from the pocket of his sweatpants and sucked the end. He exhaled a thick cloud of white mist that smelled of-

You burst into laughter.

“What?” he huffed.

“I’m sorry, but right now I’m just imagining bumping into you in a dark alleyway, all big and muscly, with your leather jacket and combat boots, and suddenly you smell like- what’s that, watermelon?”

“Yeah, so what?” he pouted, “I don’t even have the urge to smoke anymore.”

“You’re right, that’s good,” you smiled, “I’m proud of you.”

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, “So, what are you doing here? You back for good?”

“Officially, my role in the mission has ended,” you explained, “But I might have to go back from time to time… And…”

“You’re leaving again?” he guessed solemnly.

You pursed his lips and looked at him. “How much do you know about what I was doing?”

“Not much,” he began, “Just that you were undercover in Cuba, leading some sort of coup?”

“Not exactly leading a coup,” you corrected, “I was hired by a private organisation to infiltrate and, uh, get rid of corrupted leaders internally, and replace them with clean people so that the citizens can have a chance at improving the country.”

“So… American intervention to reestablish democracy and change regimes?” Jason smirked, “Like Cuba in the sixties? Bolivia, Ghana, Angola, and my personal favourite, Iraq?”

“It’s not like that,” you defended, “And not American. Not CIA. Not United Nations. Jason, these people are real. They have no other agenda but to give people freedom. We’re made of many countries and nationalities- mostly third world whose countries have been ravished by colonialism and intervention. Think Che Guevara, but bigger. Richer. Way richer. More organized. They’ve been recruiting ex-agents and spies, people who can’t be blackmailed or bribed with money. People who care about change.”

“So that’s what you’ve been doing?” he realised, “Been playing Spy Kids with communists.”

“We’re not calling ourselves that,” you argued, “And we’re not going for the communist revolution. We want to go for a more organic change.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” he sighed in defeat.

“Because… I want you to come with me next,” you positioned your body to fully face him, crossing your legs on the sofa.

“What?” he asked incredulously, “And what, abandon Gotham?”

“Gotham doesn’t need people like you and me, Jay,” you whispered, “It needs Batman, and Nightwing, and Robin, and all of them. Gotham needs hope. People like us don’t belong here.”

“People like us?”

“You know what I mean,” you said sternly, “Our skills are needed and appreciated elsewhere.”

Another moment of silence of you and Jason just glaring at each other. You saw the way Jason’s eyes examined your expression, your body language. He knew you were completely serious about this.

You broke eye contact and took a few sips of your drink, feeling the contradictory refreshment and burn.

“Just think about it. You have time. I’m on a decently long break before going to the next mission,” you leaned back against the cushion and closed your eyes, “Mmm, I want to go to a nice spa. Get some new clothes. Watch movies. Source for some cool gadgets from Bruce. Spend some time with the family.”

“For how long?”

“A couple of months.”

You heard Jason sigh again. That’s how it was with Jason. Just constant sighing.

“Fine, I’ll think about it.”

You opened your eyes and looked at him. “Really?”

He was looking down into his own cocktail. “I don’t think I can go another six months not knowing what the fuck you’re doing, where you are, whether you’re dead or alive. So, yes. I’ll fuckin’ think about it.”

You felt bad. From the moment you told him you were leaving to go undercover, from the moment you went silent, you felt immensely guilty for leaving him. It was your first time without contact with him, and hell, it was difficult for you too. He was your first friend, your first family. Your life would not have been your life without Jason Todd.

“Hey,” you said softly, reaching out to his face to make him look at you. “I missed you.”

He simply stared. He looked like he was struggling to say something, or struggling to stop himself from saying something.

Then, he looked away. “So, how was it?”

“Pretty fucking cool,” you admitted, relaxing back into your usual self. “I felt like I was in a movie. Being undercover without anyone knowing sucks ass, though. Couldn’t be myself. Couldn’t do whatever I wanted to do, say whatever I wanted to say. Fuck, it was so hard. That’s when the drinking started.”

He chuckled. “Liar.”

“Excuse me?” you turned to him.

“Liar,” he stated, “That’s not how the drinking started. Something happened.”

“A lot of things happen when you’re undercover, Jason,” you snapped.

“I’m just saying,” he smirked, “You may have gotten used to lying to everyone around you. But you can’t lie to me.”

You hated how right he was.

“Put on some tunes,” you demanded, “Like I said, I couldn’t be myself. So tonight, I am going to drink and I am going to do whatever I want, and say whatever I want.”

“And as always, I’m the victim,” he groaned.

“Hush, you love it,” you giggled.

Jason stood up, grumbling. “Just take off your damn shoes.”

You complied, kicking off your boots and placed them away against a wall. Jason had always been so neat and tidy, so you respected that whenever you were in his space. He was extremely particular about hygiene as well. You were used to having your shoes off in his house, to him sanitizing his hands whenever he took off his gloves, to him always wiping surfaces with isopropyl alcohol.

He was always so well groomed too, and you never needed to worry about toiletries whenever you stayed at his. Whatever you needed, or hell, didn’t need, he had them. You remembered when you were teens and you were complaining about acne. He taught you all about skincare, haircare. About shaving versus waxing. About scrubbing between your toes and behind your ears when you shower.

And Jason showered every single day, since he was always engaged in physical activities.

And because of that, Jason always smelled so fucking good.

You caught a whiff of the scent you were so familiar with when he sat back down next to you after turning on the speakers and grabbing two bags of chips. He smelled like the cologne he wore, which was a deep pine scent with undertones of chocolate and sage. It mixed well with the refreshing raspberry of his shampoo.

“You met Grayson yet?” he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Mmm?” you mumbled, still lost in his scent. “No. You’re the first.”

“Good,” he grumbled back.

“Didn’t want to make you jealous or anything,” you giggled, poking his cheek.

He swatted away your hand, but a small smile played on his lips. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”

You wanted to retort, but let it go and took another big gulp from your glass. You topped the ice with some more gin and squeezed the lime in. Talking about Jason’s weird competitive streak with Dick would always end up with Jason sulking. You felt a little tipsy already.

“Hmm,” you hummed. And then, you had a brilliant idea. You stood up and you took your tight black t-shirt off, leaving you in your black bra.

“Why are you stripping?” Jason raised his voice.

“It’s summer, and it’s hot,” you shrugged, sitting back down closer to him. He was also shirtless, and you felt the heat radiating off his skin. “And it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.”

“It’s different when you’re bleeding from a stab wound and I’m pouring vodka on it,” he retorted.

“Whatever,” you scoffed, “ And you know what? This place was a smoking area before I left. And I told you that tonight, I’m going to be doing whatever I want. So.”

You reached forward to your pack of cigarettes Jason threw on the coffee table, but he grabbed your hand.

“Nuh-uh. No.”

You glanced at his grip on your wrist and back up at him. “You really want to do this, Todd?”

His expression changed to some sort of smug look that he always had when presented with a challenge. “Let’s see whether Cuba made you rusty, then.”

You smirked at him. And then, you swung your other fist towards his face, but he blocked your punch with the palm of his free hand.

You lifted yourself off the couch and used your body weight and momentum to catch him off his balance. It worked, he was on the floor, but he was so strong and it was difficult to free your arms from his grip.

So, you played dirty.

You carefully kneed his groin. Gently. You didn’t want to actually hurt him. Just to discombobulate him.

Jason swore, and his grip on you loosened just a teeny tiny bit. But that was all you needed to release yourself by twisting his arm to an angle that forced him to turn his body face down to the floor.

You continued twisting.

“Ow, ow, ow!” He complained.

“Do you yield?” You breathed.

“Yes! I yield, holy shit,” he whined.

You released him and greeted him with a shit eating grin when he propped himself back up. You had always been the better fighter. Even though Jason was bigger and stronger, you were more lithe, fast, and flexible. You used momentum, anatomical range of motion, and precise techniques in your martial art. That’s why you were always silent and could sneak up on him. That’s why you used to be the stealthy assassin, while Jason favoured loud guns and explosives.

“You know you will lose, yet you always challenge me,” you pointed out, “That’s why I think you’re a brat.”

“Like a spoiled kid?” he said, “Since when?”

“Not in that context,” you rolled your eyes. “Like, in bed.”

“Huh?” Jason sat down and looked up at you with genuine confusion. You joined him on the sofa again. This time, he didn’t stop you from lighting your cigarette. You inhaled. You exhaled.

“You know, like you have the dominant and the submissive,” you started to explain, “A brat is under the submissive category.”

“The hell?” he protested, “I am not submissive.”

“Maybe at first,” you smirked slyly, slowly closing the gap between you and him. “That’s what a brat is. You like to fight. You’re stubborn. You like to say no. But ultimately, you want to betamed.”

To make a point, you crawled towards him and boldly straddled his waist.

“Wh-what- what the fuck are you doing?” Jason sputtered, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

“That’s why you like to fight me, right?” you continued, resting one palm flat on his bare chest, your other on his shoulder while you held your cigarette. “You want me to make you submit.”

You blew smoke onto his face.

“Stop that,” he gripped the side of your arms, “Did Cuba make you flirty too?”

“I always flirt with you.”

“Not like this,” he shook his head. “What, did Elisa have to seduce men? Women?”

“Unfortunately, no,” you pouted, “Elisa had to keep things strictly professional between all her assets.”

The truth was you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“So, it’s been a while,” he stated.

“It’s been a while,” you agreed. “How about you? Any women? Men?”

“Please,” he scoffed, “Just Grayson being an ass.”

“So, it’s been a while for you, too,” you teased.

“But I’m not a perv like you,” he huffed.

“We can change that,” you leaned in closer, watching the way he had subtly wet his lips, thinking you wouldn’t notice.

“Stop,” he repeated, “You’re drunk.”

“Not drunk enough to make you yield.”

“I don’t want you to do anything you’re going to regret in the morning,” he pressed.

“Why would you think I’m going to regret anything?” You asked.

“Because you’ve never done this before,” he frowned, “This is coming out of nowhere.”

You’ve been pining for him ever since you hit puberty.

“Do you think you’re going to regret it in the morning?”

He looked away from your intense, questioning gaze. “I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

That was the reason you gave yourself for so long. You didn’t want to tell Jason how you felt because you were scared he wouldn’t see you the same anymore. Or that he would feel self-conscious around you. That he would reject you. That because of your selfish feelings, your relationship would be ruined.

You put out the cigarette in your glass.

“When I was Elisa Martinez,” you began slowly, “I couldn’t be myself, obviously. I couldn’t drink my favourite drink, or watch my favourite shows. You know how deep undercover is like, right? The complete erasure of your identity. Your history. I know some people who actually started to believe their cover story, to the point where they forgot who they really were.”

You paused to make sure you wouldn’t regret whatever you were going to say next.

“Elisa Martinez didn’t know Jason Todd. She never grew up with him. She never… fell in love with him…”

You noticed Jason’s eyes widened, and his grip on you tightened ever so slightly.

“And it was horrible, Jason,” you expressed, “I felt so lonely. So one day when I was alone in my apartment in Havana, I told myself that I wouldn’t be one of those people who gets lost in their cover identities. Unsure and confused about who they were. I vowed that when I got back here, I would truly be myself. No more hiding my feelings or my beliefs. No more stopping myself from getting what I wanted. Because I didn’t realise how having your own identity was a privilege that people took for granted.”

His eyes softened, but he still looked unsure of how to respond.

“So no,” you stated firmly, “I won’t regret it in the morning. Even if you don’t feel the same way, and you don’t want anything to do with me after this, I will not regret telling you how I feel. Because six months of struggling with identities was enough.”

Still straddling him, you crossed your arms to make a point.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat. He let go of his grip on you and ran his hand through his hair again. A habit that you noticed he did when he was either stressed or nervous. “Wow. I mean. I didn’t expect that at all.”

“I know it seems like it’s coming out of nowhere, but I’ve felt like this for years,” you confessed.

And that Jason did what you didn’t expect him to do. He reached out to cup your face, and then smiled at you.

You learned that Jason had many types of smiles. The smile that was really more threatening than it was comforting. The smile that meant he had a devious idea in his head. The smile that didn’t reach his eyes, when he was shaking hands with someone he didn’t like. The smile when he found something funny. The smile when he was thinking of the past.

And the smile that he only reserved for you.

It wasn’t just the upturned corner of his lips that made the smile. It was also the softness of his eyes, the relaxing of his brows. And the actual smile was just a brief moment, followed by his gaze into your eyes. He smiled like that at you during the first time you successfully threw a punch. And that time when you won first place at the science fair. Sometimes he would smile like that when you went on about history, and geopolitics, and the latest episode of your favourite show.

“Me too,” he simply said.

And there it was. The last time you felt this happy was when Lady Shiva told you she had nothing left to teach you.

“But you’re wrong about one thing,” Jason broke you out of your bliss.

“Huh?”

Suddenly he grabbed your hips tightly and threw you off of him, onto the empty space of the sofa. You gasped in surprise at the sudden movement, and before you knew it, he was on top of you, holding you down. He put his face above yours, lips only inches away that you could feel his hot breath.

“I am not a brat.”

And then he kissed you.

His cut lip grazed yours softly at first before sucking in your bottom lip with force. He broke off the kiss and grinned at you.

You narrowed your eyes at him.

And before he knew it, you had flipped him over, causing him to land on his back onto the floor with a loud thud.

Your knee was at his crotch again, a silent threat for him to stay still.

But you knew what had Jason blushing was your hand around his throat.

“Tsk, tsk, Jay,” you whispered in his ear, making a point to softly brush your lips on his lobe. “Don’t be naughty. You know you can’t take me.”

“I- wha-” he sputtered, and then tried to move.

“Nuh uh,” you warned, putting more pressure on his crotch with your knee, “Stay still.”

He continued to look at you in surprise, or confusion, or wonder. You weren’t sure.

What you were sure about was that you felt his cock begin to harden against you.

You chuckled softly to yourself. The truth was, you made it all up just to antagonize him. You didn’t really think he was a brat at first. In fact, all of your previous fantasies were of him dominating you, choking you, pounding into you while your hands were tied to the bed posts. Now that you knew he was into this, though, you didn’t mind. Not one bit.

“I’m going to get up. But you,” you squeezed his neck a little tighter, “You stay like this and do what I say, okay?”

You felt him gulp under your grip and then he nodded.

You stood up and put your hands on your hips. Looking down at him, you appreciated the view.

His hard chest was going up and down fast as he was panting. You saw a flush grow from his neck to his cheeks. Your gaze went down his abs, to his crotch, where you saw the outline of his hard cock and a small dark spot at the tip.

“Take off your pants for me,” you commanded.

He just stared at you.

You raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to threaten you?”

You gently stepped on his cock with your toes.

“Okay, okay!” he hurriedly slid off his sweatpants, revealing his hard on.

You never saw his cock before. You sort of knew it would be large based on the outlines whenever he wore sweatpants or boxers. But, wow.

He was perfectly long, and perfectly thick, and perfectly uncut. Though, his foreskin was now stretched back, revealing his head that was red and pulsating, desperate to be touched.

“Hey, my eyes are up here,” he grinned, his confidence and smug attitude back.

You sat back down on the couch and crossed your legs, making him confused.

“Well?” you prompted, “Start stroking.”

“What?” he asked, “Down here?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, “Go on.”

He slowly reached for his cock and gave it a squeeze, eliciting a small moan from his lips. You bit your lips at the sound and the sight.

Fuck, he was so hot. You had dreamed of watching him jerk himself off for so long, and now there he was, sprawled on the floor at your feet.

He started to really stroke himself now, his eyes fluttered close and his mouth parted in heavy breaths.

“Fuck,” he gasped.

You saw that his cock was now slick and wet with his precum. You wanted to taste it so bad. You wanted him to shove his cock down your throat and mercilessly fuck your face until you gagged and cried.

Not today. He will have his turn some other time.

“Okay, stop,” you said in a sing-song voice.

“Wh-what? No,” he refused, still fucking his fist.

“Baby,” you stood up, “I said stop.”

He groaned and opened his eyes, his arm stilling around his dick.

You proceeded to take off your jeans, and your bra, causing your breasts to fall. Exposed to him for the first time, Jason was actually smacking his lips.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful. I want to touch you,” he whined and moved to get up.

“No,” you denied, “Stay down there for me.”

You walked over to his head, placed your feet on either side, and then dropped to your knees so you were hovering your pussy right above his lips.

“This is fine too,” he mumbled, hands going straight to your ass, kneading them. Then, he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of your arousal.

“Mmm, you smell divine,” he whined.

That did it. You just knew that you were drenched.

He started to mouth you through the fabric, kissing your folds, nibbling on them.

“Please, take them off,” he begged.

You complied, only because you couldn’t stand not being touched. The moment you returned to your position, Jason attacked you with his mouth.

“Fuck!” you gasped.

It was as if he was making out with your pussy. Wet lips on wet lips, he licked you everywhere, from between your folds, to your opening, to your clit. It was like he was starved for you. Hungry for you. All the while, the sound of wetness and his muffled moans filled the room.

“Jason,” you sighed. You felt the familiar warmth spread at the base of your core.

He knew what you wanted. You felt him focus on your clit with his tongue, and then a finger entering you slowly.

You let out a high pitch whine when he started finger fucking you while ravishing your clit at the same time.

A second finger.

He was hitting the right spot, so deep inside you. You had thought about this as well. Whenever you saw his fingers on a trigger, or that time when he was making pizza dough and kneading. You imagined his thick, calloused fingers inside you, fucking you the way he was right now.

He quickened his pace and added more pressure to your clit.

You knew he knew you were close. You could feel it. Your body was tense, and you knew you were tightening around his fingers. You gripped his hair with both your hands, because you just needed to hold onto something.

And then you were coming.

You didn’t know you were screaming until you felt a gush of wetness between your legs, splashing everywhere.

Jason fucking Todd made you squirt.

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry,” you apologised. You stood up too quickly and didn’t realise your legs were jelly, so you ended up tripping onto the wet floor next to him.

“That was so hot, don’t be sorry,” he looked at you incredulously. His face was glistening with your juices.

And fuck, was that a sight to behold.

You couldn’t help but grab him by the neck and pull him in for a kiss. You tasted yourself on him.

He crawled on top of you, sucking your lips, pushing his tongue into your mouth. One hand roamed your body while the other propped him up above you. He squeezed your breasts and your nipples, and went down to your waist, between your legs. He gripped your thigh from below and pushed it up so you were spread open.

He hooked your leg on his shoulder.

And without warning, he pushed his cock into your wet, sensitive pussy.

“Fuck!” you screamed as he bottomed inside you.

He filled you up so perfectly, that you never wanted to be empty ever again. He stretched you out so beautifully, that you thought your walls would just be molded into shape specifically for his cock.

“Hnngh,” he groaned, “You feel so fucking good. So fucking tight.”

You felt him thrust deep inside you, reaching all the spots that made you writhe in pleasure. He began pounding you hard, wet slaps made even wetter as you leaked all over his cock.

You weren’t gasping for air. It was so intense that you couldn’t breathe. Your mouth was opened in a silent scream until you actually had to remind yourself to inhale.

There were no words that you could form in that moment. Just absolutely filthy, vulgar sounds that rang through his apartment.

Through teary eyes, you watched him above you.

He was panting, breathing hard. You weren’t sure whether the moisture on his face was from sweat or your juices earlier. His dark hair had fallen down to poke his eyes, his brows pulled down in a frown. His chest had beads of sweat dripping, trickling down to his abs.

He moved his hips with precise and sharp movements. Every thrust into you was accompanied by gasps and whispers of words you couldn’t hear.

“You look so fucking beautiful,” he praised breathily, “I want to watch you come again.”

It wouldn’t take too long.

You were already feeling like you were going to unravel. The heat pooling again, even more intense than your previous orgasm.

Jason increased his pace, and then reached down to your pussy to thumb your clit.

You screamed.

It was like a wave that pulled you down and released you. You felt your body tighten and your walls clench and unclench. You felt hot liquid release from your core, just like waves crashing.

Before you knew it, you felt empty. Jason had pulled out and jerked himself off over you.

He came long and hard in a loud groan. White ribbons of cum shot out of his pulsating cock, reaching all the way to your face.

He collapsed next to you on the floor, huffing and panting.

You felt drowsy all of a sudden, but so fucking relaxed.

“Wow,” you breathed.

“Mmm,” he mumbled, “Can’t move. Can’t think. Shhh.”

You giggled and scooted closer to him, pressing yourself onto his sweaty, sticky skin and rested your head on his chest.

You felt his heartbeat drum against his ribcage.

He rested his arm on your head and played with your hair.

“I can’t believe our first time was on the floor,” he complained.

“I think it describes us perfectly,” you closed your eyes and smiled.

He kissed the top of your head. After a beat, he asked, “Will you tell me what happened in Cuba?”

“One day,” you told him, “I need time to process it as well.”

“Fair enough,” he responded, “So, uh. Are we like, official then?”

“If you want to be.”

“Do you want to be?”

“I do,” you admitted, “I’ve been pining for you for a long time.”

“Me too,” he confessed, “We should have done this sooner.”

“I don’t think so,” you thought, “I think right now is the perfect time. We figured ourselves first, we explored what we wanted to do. We found our reason. Well, I did, at least.”

“So you’re really serious about this then?” he asked, “Fully committed?”

“One hundred percent,” you stated, “I think that we can make real change. Slow change. But change nonetheless.”

“Okay, then,” he sighed.

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’m in,” he said, “I can’t promise you that I will stay for the cause. I can’t promise you that I will even believe in it. But I can’t do the silence again. You have no idea how difficult it was for me, these past six months.”

You frowned. You wondered what happened. You will ask another time.

“But I can promise you that you will always have me,” he continued, “I don’t know what this is, and what these missions need you-or us- to do, but you will always have my support.”

You felt deeply moved. “Thank you,” you whispered.

You didn’t have to worry about your identity anymore. About being confused, about being corrupted by the roles you had to play.

Because as long as Jason was there, you were you.

#jason todd #dc comics #red hood #jason todd/reader #y/n #jason todd x reader #red hood/reader #batman #batfamily

[ballgame]

I made it long enough ago that I won't bother myself with finding it, but I remember making a post about how I was amused by how, during a Twitch stream, when giving an example of how some people over-scrutinize certain aspects of Undertale, Toby mentioned people looking for smiley faces in things. I found this ironic since smiles are actually a pretty important motif in Undertale, all things considered.

At the time, I was frustrated that I couldn't find a clip of this or the stream itself, but now I have! And I've taken the liberty of transcribing this conversation to the best of my ability.

(For context, Toph is one of the hosts of the stream)

Toph: How does that make you feel, when people ascribe their own sort of meanings? Does that make you happy, or does that make you feel a little weird? Like, "Oh wow, people are twisting what I intended." Toby: It's strange when people read something into it that's not good. I don't even wanna say usually people find something that I didn't intend, because there's so much in this game. Basically, a lot of the time it's like- Obviously there are times where people ascribe things to me that that I didn't intend, like they go really far. But I feel like, when they do that, it's kind of what I wanted, to some extent. I wanted to create something that was so "Undertale" that people wouldn't know what was intended and what wasn't and they could just keep looking deeper and keep thinking "Woah, this keeps going, forever?!" So, I guess to some level, to some extent, that sort of thing is validating. It's only bad when they read into it and they get something weird out of it, I guess. Toph: Okay, any specific examples of getting something weird out of it that are not spoiler-y? Maybe not, maybe that answer is just no. Toby: I don't know, there's people that try and find every secret in the game, so they put random things into spectograms or something. So they take a random audio file from the game and they put into a spectogram and it's like- "Look at this guys! It looks like a smiley face! There's a message here!" Or something. Literally every file that you put in there is going to have a smiley face in it, if it's just random static noise. Toph: Right, right, right! If you look deep enough, yeah. I get that's cool, that people are, y'know, willing to look that deep. Toby: Yeah and some of them still believe it. It's like, woah. What that says is that I've made something where people are willing to believe that I would do that on purpose. So, it feels like a credit to me mostly. Toph: That's really funny- I'm just reminded of Hideaki Anno, the creator of Evangelion. And y'know, people have just written articles, upon articles, upon articles, upon essays of all these religous symbols from that game. And he famously was just like, "Y'know what? Honestly, I just think Christian religous symbols just look cool. But hey, if you guys are into that, whatever. Keep theorizing." But that's fine, I guess I'm part of the experience too. Because if you're- You can go into something and if you can find meaning out of it and have it enrich your life, hey that's cool. We take those. Toby: Yeah and I'm not gonna say that there aren't a ludicrous amount of things in this game that were not intended. Because there are a ludicrous amount of things in this game that are intended. Again, who knows where it begins or ends.

Twitch Link: [X]

#undertale #toby fox

[ingravinoveritas]

Hello! I hope you are doing fine! I am *definitely* going to add to you overflowing askbox, so I apologise in advance.... (I didn't know where to post this, and I seriously don't know how to feel about this post)

Hi there! I...wow. Okay, I clearly turned off my Anons just in time, or at the worst possible time (I'm not sure which). But this was a hell of a thing to see first thing this morning, and after seeing the notes on that post, I think this person was right to send this question via a throwaway account, because they knew they would get flamed for it.

First of all, whether or not this person should have even asked Neil this question is entirely up for debate. GO season 2 is done, it's in the can and about to be released, so it's not as if there is anything Neil can do about Peter and Ty being in it. I can also understand Neil likening this person's concern about the casting to people saying prior to GO season 1 that it was a huge mistake to cast Michael and David. I could see him equating the two, in his mind, and feeling like this is déjà vu all over again and thusly responding from that vantage.

However...I'm really at a loss as to his opening sentence, in which he describes the person's question as "creepy." I've read and reread the person's question multiple times, and for my part, I did not think there was anything creepy about this question. The person seemed to take great care in asking it--especially with English not being their first language--and did not make any threats toward anyone, nor say anything inappropriate (again, as far as I could tell). This leads me to think that Neil very deliberately used that word, setting the stage for and tacitly encouraging what he alluded to but did not say aloud--that this person is silly and stupid for asking a seemingly harmless question and deserves to be treated accordingly.

There was one part of the person's question that Neil homed in on (and that seems to be a common refrain in the notes and on Twitter), which was that this person cannot separate the characters from the actors, nor tell fiction from reality. Yet I also did not get this feeling from their question, and was taken aback by Neil seemingly twisting around what the person was actually trying to say. The specific focus on this part of the question also seemed to serve the purpose of steering discussion away from the heart of the person's question, which was about nepotism. And it's here, at this particular point, that Neil's response does not really seem to stand up to scrutiny.

First of all, the comment about "a season that hasn't even been commissioned in parts that haven't been written" is disingenuous at best, as not even a week ago, it was Neil himself who said that Georgia was offered a part in season 2. So this is not really a hypothetical concern, as Georgia actually was offered a part. I also thought it was interesting that Neil conveniently did not mention the bonus episode of Sandman, in which both Georgia and Anna had voice roles in scenes with their respective partners. So again, not a hypothetical, but something that actually previously happened. And in both these cases, it does not seem that an audition was required, but rather that the roles were offered to Georgia and AL because they happened to be there/it simplified things since Sandman was recorded during Covid times.

Another thing that has been overlooked was David himself at the Basingstoke Comic Con this past weekend being asked about his favorite scene in GO 2. After mentioning that his son is in the scene, David also says his father-in-law (Peter) is in the show. The interviewer then asks, "And your wife and your neighbor?" to which David's response is "They are not in it, but it’s a sore point, so don’t dwell on it." I thought that was an interesting choice of words, because if everything involving offering Georgia a part did go exactly the way Neil described, why would it be a sore point? If Georgia researched the role and had absolutely no compunction about turning it down, why would she be annoyed or upset? It seems like something small, I know, but it just makes me question some of the things we're being told.

In terms of Peter and Ty's roles, I do understand that Peter is a fixture on the acting landscape in the UK, so I fully get Neil offering him a part, but I find his answer regarding Ty to be extremely dubious, at best. Neil and David have been friends since 2017--so, six years now--and is he truly expecting us to believe that he has no idea what David's son looks like? Even if they haven't had occasion to meet in person, does it really make sense that David would have never shown him a picture? Especially given how he beams with pride when talking about Ty and his accomplishments. Also, I realize the days of traditional audition tapes are long gone, but does it seem at all plausible that Neil wouldn't have seen Ty's name on the clip he watched, or that if he'd seen the name "Ty Tennant," it wouldn't have rung a bell?

But rather than address any of this, Neil--for reasons I can only begin to guess--decided to respond to this person as condescendingly and dismissively as possible. The bit about "shattered the fragile illusion and revealed to people that the David Tennant and Michael Sheen who play Crowley and Aziraphale are actors" was beyond insulting (as if we don't know that Michael and David are actors?), but what really grates my cheese is the fact that it opened the door to people in the notes accusing people who have had concerns about these issues of being "in an echo chamber." I would argue that the people who are somehow not aware of these concerns are the ones actually living in an echo chamber, because there has been a LOT of talk about this ever since Neil shared that cropped photo two months ago. (Also, I am aware that a combined 146 votes is by no mean a representative sample of an entire fandom, but if the results of the two polls I recently posted are any indication, a lot of people seem ambivalent (in the case of Ty and Peter) or outright against (in the case of Georgia and AL) these casting choices.)

Overall, I would say that I am deeply disappointed in this type of response from someone I've always thought was a brilliant writer and a really cool guy. I fully acknowledge that Neil can say whatever he wants, of course, but it's really strange to me that someone who has been so tight-lipped and "wait and see" about everything GO 2 up until now is suddenly delving into details. For months, Neil gave no answers regarding a trailer or character names or even a crumb of plot, so I'm just downright confused as to why these particular questions merited an answer. Neil could've even simply said, "Your concern is noted and appreciated, but everything is fine", or not answered this question at all (which I think probably would've been the better route), but instead, he went the way he did, and here we are.

So those are pretty much my thoughts on this whole thing. I am still looking forward to GO season 2, but this has definitely colored my perceptions to a degree. I guess we'll see what happens...

#yami-no-kokoro #reply post #good omens 2 #neil gaiman #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #georgia tennant #peter davison #ty tennant #trying to provide a balanced perspective #i know there could be some tone or connotation with the person's question that i am missing that makes it 'creepy' #so please feel free to let me know if that is the case #though i am doubtful #also a response like this seems like a really good way to alienate fans/viewers #not a good look #fandom woes #discourse

[desceros]

this got longer than i meant it to, so tldr is these young men need to increase their experience bars to catch up to vi, nobody's maxed ??? i guess?? i rambled. uh. ANYHOW; gentle reminder that the boys were not in fact raised like typical humans, they have a very tight-knit social circle that very rarely grows or changes and their outside social interactions tend to be limited to yokai and other mutants just as bizarre as they are. Vi was raised presumably pretty standardly as a human in human society, regardless of the perceived pro-mutant thing given her some flavor. Her expectations are already set, she learned all this socializing biz growing up around other people learning probably around the same time, assuming she had like-aged peers as a kid- doubt that's been considered but if she's written to be neurotypical-coded then that's probably a fair take on her formative years. The boys did not get this social interaction with humans in public spaces and navigating relationships; even homeschooled children get outside to play with the neighborhood kids. They didn't even have yokai until they were 15. April was it until then. She's not exactly typical herself, either, so that's not much opportunity to learn how to treat people properly. all this to say, Leo and Donnie are both making the sort of mistakes you tend to make as kids, when it's less consequential because there's no predetermined expectation. I saw in another ask, Des, you said the bar couldn't be lower and I feel like that was true from the get-go with these boys; Vi's not just the best friend or love interest, she's also probably one of the, if not their very first human friend since adulthood (and no I do not count the Jones pair; one's feral ninja crazy and the other is apocalypse boy wonder, neither raise that bar, i will die on this hill). The boys are both learning character-building life lessons here. I for one am gonna be rooting for Leo to bounce back just as much as Donnie because these are not bad people, just inexperienced dum dums and I for one enjoy watching character growth in progress.

i'm really in a glass house about the Wow This Got Long tirade so you'll have no slings nor arrows from me, lmao

so, in symphony, i've tried to show that there's kind of a. hm. sliding scale of socialization that's happened with the boys. allow me to ramble on in detail since i know it's one of those things i've been perhaps a bit too sneaky about:

on one end of the spectrum, you have mikey. he's the one that goes out to the grocery store while dragging donnie along when he can, he makes friends that come to the party, etc. he's basically integrated at this point, as much as one can be as a ninja turtle that grew up in the sewer.

next you have leo, who i suspect talks to people and interacts with them as the face man, but he's still very sheltered. his sheltering, however, is by choice. hes not very interested in getting to know them. he's very closed off and protective of the hamato secrets, so he doesn't let people in. not unless they're useful.

next comes raph. i think early on, after krang, he probably tried to integrate. but he's, yknow, a huge-ass alligator snapping turtle mutant. he looks scary, and he's aware of how it comes across. he has a lot of encounters where people assume the worst of him. there's one line in chapter 14 that illustrates his stance on the situation, and how he's basically given up hope on the idea of integration:

“Honestly? I dunno. For years, we always lived in the shadows, never lettin’ humans see us ‘cause we didn’t know how they’d react. And now that we know, I wonder sometimes if we shouldn’t just stay down here.”

and finally, at the far end, we have donnie. if it weren't for his touch-aversion, i think he actually would have been next after mikey to integrate. we see him in the show going to april's school in the daytime in just his hoodie, talking to humans easily, and he's comfortable wearing pretty shitty disguises to go topside. but in symphony, because of his trauma (some of which we haven't explored yet i am so, so sorry to tell you), he self isolates so he doesn't have to Deal With People. crowds in particular are a No No, and the boy lives in new york. crowds are kinda hard to avoid. and you are correct! this has been detrimental to his socialization. he doesn't know how to communicate his needs to people. he never had to learn how.

but that's what's so... delicious about writing this fic for me. donnie having to grapple with the fact that he has to meet viola-chan in the middle, and viola-chan grappling with having to meet him in the middle. he needs direct, specific language. she needs authentic, affirming language. they're not mutually exclusive. but they are something that needs to be practiced, and hhhhhh. it's just so much fun to iron out!

#ask tag #symphony tag #god. im doing meta analysis again. i might as well make a tag for it i suppose #symphony meta #thank you!!! very interesting ask!! :D

[felizusnavidad]

so it's been a few days since you saw waitress, what are your initial thoughts?

thank you so much for reminding me and sorry for being quiet about it for so long, i've been meaning to write this mini essay but i really needed to take a deep breath & collect my thoughts first. so...

sugar, butter, flour... (it's been ringing in my head for days)

i honestly didn't really know what to expect when i started watching it. i knew a little bit about the plot, not that much tho, & i knew who wrote the music for it, the rest was a mystery to me.

i always say the best musicals are the ones that make you cry & this was definitely one of those. it made me feel... so many things at once. so first of all, i think the proshot was absolutely beautiful & i wish we could see more musicals this way. second of all: the characters! all of them so incredibly written & so real!

ok, i am really trying not to be chaotic here, but it's not easy (i've cried multiple times while watching it, ok???). jenna's story completely broke my heart. also, as a person who ended a very toxic relationship not that long ago, i must say i could feel her pain & struggle even more (earl reminded me of my ex so much it hurts, but we are not going there). but she wasn't the only relatable character here, this may be surprising for you, but i literally had a mental breakdown on "when he sees me" cause i found a little bit of myself there (wow, i've got issues)... another song worth mentioning is definitely "she used to be mine" (that was the moment i had to stop watching for a second cause my eyes were so full of tears i couldn't see anything lol). and don't even get me started on "you matter to me"... especially when you think about the ending...

the ending was really surprising for me, but not in a bad way i guess? as much as i wanted a happy ending for jenna, i didn't want it to be all perfect cause that's the thing about life, right? it's never perfect. but she did found herself & her happiness eventually & to be completely honest with you anon, i love a good story that shows us we can be happy without men (even tho it broke my heart a little bit). also, she wasn't left alone. she had amazing friends (another thing that always makes me cry because friendships are so important to me & they are always my favourite part of the plot) & her little daughter! & her own place! & omg i think i'm gonna start crying again...

so, like, you know. i will probably rewatch it pretty soon, i'm also gonna listen to the soundtrack more cause my thoughts are really chaotic at the moment, but overall i think this is such a great musical, definitely one of the best i've seen so far and i am dying to see it live! the choreography was absolutely incredible, the whole cast was amazing, the music was really, really good and the plot made me cry like a baby. this is all you need to know. i loved it so much!!!

#there's like one more thing that's worth mentioning #i like how this story shows us we are allowed to make mistakes & not everything should be seen as black or white #just something to think about #idk it was beautiful #everyone should watch it asap! #once again i apologize for it being super chaotic but it's almost midnight & i have so many thoughts & i don't know if it makes any sense #thank you for the ask anon! #waitress #waitress musical #anon #i saved every letter you wrote me*

[legendarycollectorprincess]

Ship wars and why they don't let us appreciate and enjoy good characters (Akane Kurokawa and Kana Arima). PART 4

¿Akane and Kana's downfall?

So, in the past few weeks, I've been watching some videos and seeing certain comments that make me wonder about the reading comprehension level of some people who read Oshi no Ko's manga.

Because, ¿since when did we start calling a character development a “downfall”? I think that at this point (and because this is the fourth post I have done on this topic), we are all aware of the great capacity that anti-fans have to distort a story and misinterpret the motivations behind certain characters' actions, for the sole purpose of making them look bad.

So this really shouldn't surprise me. BUT, when I tell you that the way Kana and Akane's respective haters are reacting to the new paths their characters have taken in the story IS WILD, I mean it. ¿Perhaps are we reading a different story? I genuinely believe that could be the only logical explanation for all this madness.

KANA'S DOWNFALL

None of you will let me lie when I say that the favorite arguments of Kana's haters are that her character is “practically useless to the story”, and that her only purpose is to be a possible romantic interest for Aqua. Ah, or my favorite (sarcastically), that Kana's character is so “obsessed” with Aqua that she literally became an idol just because he asked her to, and that “proves how dependent she is on him, and how horrible she is”. Wow.

MANGA SPOILERS

As many of us already know, currently in the manga, Kana is no longer an idol. She decided to leave the group B-Komachi to pursue her passion of being an actress again. And no, that decision had nothing to do with Aqua.

In fact, you could say that this was the first step she took to overcome her dependence on him. Because it's true: Kana became an idol because Aqua asked her to, and one of the motivations that made her continue on that path was the idea that, one day, she would become his favorite idol, his star. HOWEVER, this doesn't make her a “horrible character”. That makes her an exceptionally good and well-written flawed character.

She's not perfect, as LITERALLY NO ONE in the story is. But Kana has one of the best backstories that perfectly explains the reason behind the decisions her character has made so far.

Kana's character is the perfect representation of the consequences that child actors have to face in the entertainment industry. (something that, as we have always known, is a central theme of Oshi no Ko: the dark side of the world of entertainers. Kana may not be involved in the revenge plot the way Aqua or Akane are, but she is by no means unnecessary to the overall story).

Kana's mother and manager, both, ditched her when she began to lose popularity and her career was falling apart. This left her with severe traumas, something haters love to overlook.

She learned that she would only receive her mother's support and affection when she shined on stage. She learned what it felt like to be abandoned, even by her fans, if she wasn't “good enough”, if she wasn't the "genius actress Kana Arima".

This is where Aqua comes in.

The importance of having someone who believes in us.

Aqua offered Kana the opportunity to have a fresh start in the industry. This time, as an idol. But not only that, here comes the most important thing: Aqua gave his UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT to Kana.

For her, the feeling of having someone who supports you and is on your side no matter what happens is very important. It's something precious. Kana's “obsession” with Aqua isn't something that came from nowhere. In fact, it's not even an obsession. It's attachment, it's affection and yes, it's dependency, but it has a reason: Aqua is the person who restored Kana's trust in herself as a performer, who told her he believed in her and in her talent.

He became someone special to her. That's why she later developed feelings of love towards him and, consequently, wants to be with him. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's not pathetic either. However, it is true that because of the unhealed wounds that Kana still has due to her past, it isn't an entirely healthy thing.

The importance of believing in ourselves.

Since we know that no character in Oshi no Ko is perfect, then we have to recognize that no relationship in the story is either. Aqua and Kana's relationship isn't perfect. And that's okay, since there are reasons for it.

Kana often let Aqua's actions affect her to a worrying level (such as when she became depressed when Akane and Aqua became a real couple.). Witnessing that, we readers wanted nothing more than for Kana to stop being affected by it. For her to realize that her feelings for Aqua, at that time, were doing her more harm than good. And it finally happened, during the incident with the film director.

It was at that moment that Kana surely realized that she was losing herself because of her feelings for Aqua. For her character, that time was her lowest moment: she thought she had lost Aqua to Akane, and along with him, her motivation to continue being an idol. After all, that hasn't been her true dream, at least not like it is for Ruby and Mem. And, all of that together, began to affect her performance on stage, especially after the audience started to favor Ruby more.

For that reason, Kana thought that the only thing she had left was her acting career, and she desperately wanted to rebuild it. In that vulnerable state, Kana was about to make mistakes she normally wouldn't make, like sleeping with a director to get an important role in a movie. After all, she's the one who has the most experience with the dangers of the industry. But, I'll say it again for the people in the back: that was her lowest moment. When a character hits rock bottom, they can only go up. And it's exactly the path Kana's character is on now.

¿But do her haters realize that? Sadly, but not surprisingly, no. They don't.

For Kana's haters, the fact that she has given up being an idol is “proof that her character is a waste” and that the “author no longer knows what to do with her”.

Before, they hated Kana because she joined B-Komachi only because of Aqua, and complained that she had no personality and was toxic because she couldn't decide for herself. Now that Kana has left the group to focus on what SHE is passionate about, they say her character no longer has a purpose and is facing her downfall.

Little do they realize that it's a time of great growth for Kana, who has taken the first step toward stopping suffering from her feelings for Aqua. Perhaps even finding a better way to deal with her traumas and finally heal.

But yeah, of course, let's keep saying it's her downfall, I guess.

#oshi no ko #arima kana #kana arima #akane kurokawa #kurokawa akane #aqua hoshino #aquamarine hoshino

[ladybeug]

was scrolling thru your art tag enjoying your comics when i suddenly discovered you were the one that wrote strangers in the bright lights. having gotten into miraculous only very recently, was tickled to experience a very small identity shenanigan of my own

incredible fic btw; i love it soooooo much. brilliant, hilarious, sweet, poignant. out of curiosity have you read much postww1 modernist stuff? i adored the usage of free indirect discourse for the narration, drunken and in motion and alive, almost reminded me of virginia woolf in a weird way lol. sorry if this is weird

Hello!! I'm about to get long-winded and self indulgent in this reply, fair warning :)

here goes:

Wow!! I don’t know how you found strangers in the bright lights if you got into ladybug in any time frame that can be described as “very recently”, I wrote that in 2018 when I was digesting some personal stuff and in a fantastic ladybug renaissance (of which I have now had several, I think I’ll die in this fandom).

But I’m so glad you somehow did. I only write every couple of years when I get really specific ideas, and the time I spend on it turns into memories of who I was when I wrote it. I feel like that must happen to actual writers too, ones who write often, but I haven’t written “often” since like 2009 and have never asked, so there you go.

But I guess that’s all to say that I am very attached to that story and it’s also one of the only things I’ve written that still feels like it hit the chord I was aiming for. It is so cool that anyone still reads it!!

To actually answer your question: I have never read virginia woolf, and the only modernist stuff I've read was years ago for school classes. I have to admit none of the style was inspired by classics, but instead inspired by the weird disassociation of trying to be alone in a crowd.

I have a final self-indulgent thought, it is a fun fact I realized as I was going down memory lane about this:

I associate ‘strangers in the bright lights’ with a friendship I made that stands out as one of the luckiest and rarest friendships I’ve made – I went to a mountain goats concert alone, and stood up at the front early, and met someone else who had gone to the same mountain goats concert alone and had stood up at the front early. It was one of the fastest and most comfortable connections I’ve made, and we liked each other so much we stayed in touch, even after they moved away. We are still in touch every so often, and as far as I’m concerned in a few years they’re going to publish the best fantasy novel you’ve ever read, so watch out for that.

The fanfiction is in part inspired by that beautiful feeling of meeting someone new that you want to talk to, and they want to talk to you, and a drink or two has propped up your self esteem and you don’t have to worry about who you are tomorrow, just who you are right now. It’s escapism. You feel important, and carried by that feeling, for as long as you are there. Lonely who? Not me. Trapped by past versions of myself, who? Not me.

Anyways the fun fact is - I found out this morning that concert was a year AFTER I posted this fanfiction. I didn't know about that moment of my life as I was writing this. The two are so connected in my mind that this is genuinely surprising, but the concert was in September 2019 and I published the fanfic a year beforehand.

In the words of mr. mountain goat himself: we held on to hope of better days coming, and when we did we were right!

#i am also tickled to be involved in your ML secret identity shenanigan #its absolutely wild to me when people find my ladybeug blog AFTER they find something else i did - bc this blog is my biggest platform by f #r #anyways thank you again for the kind words and the soapbox on which to share some of my thoughts #strangers in the bright lights

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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35. Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Meryl Wilsner has done something that I rarely see in romance and automatically earned them a five star rating: a anxiety-free age gap romance that could have been super messy but was surprisingly stress-free. I know that a lot of readers like the messiness, but I found MISTAKES WERE MADE refreshing.

First, I'd like to thank my coworker for recommending this awesome read for me. I have this thing where I start craving a new book and I ask a coworker to find me something and if it sounds good, I'll buy it and try it out. This was an A+ recommendation.

I really enjoyed the character growth on both sides and how both were imperfect and jaded by past relationships. They worked off each other really well--even if it was sometimes the blind leading the blind.

I LOVED the friendship between the one FMC and her childhood best friend. It was so healthy and I loved that their friendship wasn't sacrificed for the sake of plot. It's like Wilsner saw all the tropes I disliked and decided to do the opposite. Also, props to the other best friend (the daughter of the second FMC). She surprised me a lot.

Also, the SPICE. Phewwwww. This was a SPICY book. Just, wow. Was not expecting it, but I thoroughly enjoyed it LOL.

I love a good age gap and this delivered. Everything was respectful and I just loved it so much.

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36. Okay, Cupid by Mason Deaver--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I realized, as I started the audiobook for this one, that I've somehow read all of the books Deaver has written (not including the anthologies). Knowing this, I'm not entirely surprised that I enjoyed this newest one, OKAY, CUPID. It was unique, cute, and had some super introspective moments.

I loved how incredibly diverse this book was and how it explored some pretty important topics. Deaver has a way of creating characters that have a lot of heart--even if they are sometimes heavily misguided (which also fits because these are teenagers.)

The concept of the MC being a Cupid was so fun--especially when they are trying their hardest to get their love targets into the perfect opportunities for a love match. The little tricks and the tips the MC receives from their best friend made me think about how, if any of it were real, people all around the world would be thinking about someone they couldn't truly remember somehow getting them all together.

Okay, the concept had some holes (I do wish we had a bit more to go off about this Cupid Alt. world because it was such an interesting idea) and I think it was glossed over a bit too much. I did like that ending though!

My heart belongs with Cal, though. What a loveable himbo.

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37. Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I didn't write a review for this one.

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38. The Secret of Red Gate Farm by Carolyn Keene--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love how all of these mysteries fall into Nancy Drew's lap and she's just like "Sure, let's do this dangerous thing!" and her dad is like, "Sure honey, have fun!" and the police is like "Good job, Nancy!" when we know damn well that in real life, Nancy would be a nuisance to the police and her dad would either be grounding her or popping tums every thirty minutes.

LOL. Listen, even though I have been enjoying these books, the level of teenage invincibility that Nancy and her friends have adopted throughout the various mysteries has been entertaining.

Anyway, I enjoyed the mystery of this one. I found I liked the multi-levels to the mystery and how everything was revealed at the end. I also liked seeing Nancy with her friends--they're truly ride or die.

I'm excited for the next book because it's where we meet her famous boyfriend for the first time!

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39. Our Lives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Much like the waves that beckon one of the MCs to the ocean, the themes in this book are like waves that beckon confusion (for me). There were various storylines happening (between the past and present from the pov of one character, and the past from the pov of the other character) and when I thought I was starting to get a grip on where the story was going, something else would happen to confuse me.

The friends who've read this have loved it, I'm straddling the line of thinking it's genius in its ability to cause chaos, and thinking that this was a beautifully written story that amounted to...a hand cupping water that slowly seeps out through your fingers until you have nothing left in your palm. One part of the ending made sense because we were leading there, but the other part was so confusing and gave me nothing. It's like that meme that says "Yes, girl, give me nothing!"

I could feel the palpable grief, however, and I did love the way the grieving process was described. Despite the confusing nature of the book, Armfield can write. There is no question about that.

I almost DNF'ed this a couple of times, but was curious about why my friends loved it so much.

Was my review confusing? Was my writing all over the place? Welcome to my experience reading this book. LOL.

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40. This Wretched Valley by Jenny Kiefer--⭐️⭐️⭐️

On the surface, THIS WRETCHED VALLEY is incredibly intriguing and captivating. You have a group of "researchers" entering haunted woods that are known for the people that go missing within (according to the waitress). Then you have a series of creepy events that lead up to the eventual death of these younger people (not a spoiler, it is literally the first chapter). Like I said, on the surface, this book holds a ton of potential. A collection of things kept this book back from being higher rated by me, but let it be known that I still had a spooky good time.

One of the things I wish was done different was how the author kept pointing out what the character saw and what was the reality. I'm going to be real honest: I would have preferred to fall into the madness with the characters. I don't need to know that the character sees a clue of something and then have the author tell me something like "if the character had looked deep inside themselves, they would have noticed that this didn't make sense." Or, the characters will be walking through some creepy spot and the author would pop in to say "if the character looked down, they'd see that there was nothing there."

Let me fall into the monologue. Trust the reader to know that the characters are probably tripping hella balls. It's fine.

Other than those instances, this book was fun. It made me want to read THE RUINS. These characters were all unreliable and super flawed, but I liked how the author slowly made them worse and worse as they fell under the spell of the woods and land.

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41. Dead & Gone by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️

It's interesting to see how far Sookie has come as a character. I found that this book was a little all over the place and the romantic interests in her life (old and not so old) were all coming out of the woodwork. There was one redemption arc I was never expecting. In retrospect, I wonder if this was just an outward sign of what Sookie is and the events of this book. Maybe her appeal was heightened?

I do like that one character brought up a situation Sookie is falling into like a fly caught in a spider's web, even if that character acted a little out of character. He was a total dick.

Overall, this was entertaining as always, but not a favourite of mine. I think a lot was happening (like a certain reveal, which I loved) but at the same time, it just felt purely chaotic. And Sookie, to me, was acting a bit different than usual. I'm staring down the last four books in the series, so who knows what comes next!

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Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

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Happy reading!

#Review #Reviews #book reviews #book list #book blog #book blogger #Features #on books #on reading #books books books #books #read #reading #booklr #bookish #bookworm #bookaholic #books and reading #booklover #readers of tumblr #readers #my writing #my opinion #long text post

[fallingforel]

Hi love, can I make a request for Sam where it’s the first time you’ve slept together and it’s the morning after and you wake up in his arms and it’s all really sweet and soft with lots of kisses and caresses and you’re enjoying that moment together? Thank you so much 🫶🏼

a/n of course I can love, here it is, I hope this was something you were looking for... if its not sorry. I just had major whiplash from writing the most angstiest piece i've ever written to now a fluffy piece, funny really but anyway. enough of my rambling on with the showww

PROMPT: none

WORDS: 1,488

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Sam and I had been going out for a fair few months now, taking things slow after I had been through the wringer too many times with previous relationships and sam understood that. It wasn't until the fifth date he took me on that we even kissed.

"Y/n It's lovely to see you again." sam said greeting me at the door with a bunch of flowers. peonys my favourite. he took note of that on the first one we ever went on.

"Oh my gosh that has to be the biggest sweetest smelling bunch I've ever been given, even when I left my job that was a big smelling bunch, I've ever been given like."

"yeah well, biggest sweetest smelling bunch for the biggest sweetest girl like"

"your too kind sam. I'll just put these in water and then we can go"

"Okay. I'll wait out here. Don't want to make your housemates question us."

"No need come in, there all out anyway Take a seat on the sofa."

"Thanks y/n." he says stepping inside, perching on the sofa.

"no worries" I say grabbing a vase and popping the flowers in them and a bit of water. before picking up my clutch from the kitchenside where I left it.

"lets go then shall we, don't want to make us late like"

"aye. ceemon then" he says wrapping his arm around my shoulder walking with me to the door.

⋆｡°✩

walking with me to the door. "thank you sam for a great night. I think it was one of the best nights I've ever had, just like the past four other ones we've been on this month"

"aye, nee bother sweetheart I'm not that interesting. surprising we've gotten this far to be honest"

"don't be silly, you are so cool and interesting. I look forward to hear all about what you've been recording and whether you've been to the pub. that story about you helping dean with his broken leg. You are by far, Sam one of the best boys I have ever gone out with" I say leaning in to kiss him. He pulls away from me

"shit, I over thought this. sorry. I should've asked. Sor-" he cuts over my rambling by pressing his lips to mine once more deepening the kiss this time his tongue lacing over my teeth asking for entry which enters. My back hits my front door I wrap my hands round his neck my clutch bag dangling off my wrist his hands on my waist. I pull away after a few moments.

"That- wow! that was one of the best kisses I've ever had. Thank you again Sam"

"No worries darling. See you sometime soon"

"yeah. I'll message you this week letting you know when I'm working" I say hand on the handle of my front door, only opening it when he turns the corner. I step inside and screech. "Y/n? Are you okay" Gianna my housemate asks "yeah I'm okay." I say covering my mouth with my hand, doing a quieter screech this time muffled by my hand.

⋆｡°✩

We had a few more dates after that, each being a little bit better than the one before. Last night however was one of the best nights I've had with sam, with anyone in a long time. It was the one where I had invited him over to stay. Introducing him to my housemates, unintentionally

⋆｡°✩

"sam! you're early." I say stepping out of my house for a second, thank god it was me that answered the front door. and not gianna or alexia, they'd have a heart attack if they found out this way.

"I just couldn't wait to see you, I've been going mad this past fortnight not seeing you, darling" Sam says pulling me in which I soon reciprocate. Lips meeting. everytime we kissed it felt like we were on fire.

"I can't stay out here too long, Al and Gi will start to get suspicious." I say pulling away

"actually, did you want to meet them?"

I wanted to introduce the three of them to eachother soon, but not this soon. Oh well you know what they say. No time like the present.

"I thought you wanted to wait a bit more. at least until we were official like." Sam says, hands still resting on my hips

"Yeah, but you're hear now. so may aswell."

"okay sweetheart. whatever you feel like."

"Okay wait out here. let me speak to them first" I say shutting the door slowly and carefully.

"Gianna, Alexia. I have someone I want you to meet." I say walking into the living room,

"Y/n your scaring us. Who is it? It's not a boyfriend is it? I saw the peonys 2 months ago For goodness sake you know how the last one went" Gianna was the mother of the friendship group always caring out for me and alexia, she had taken on that role for me as soon as both of my parents stopped caring about me.

"I do not want a repeat of Henry, god he broke your heart one too many times" Alexia broke out. It only made me more anxious for how they would act towards Sam I didn't want them to hate sam making him anxious to come over. Alexia was the overbearing one always. When she was cold towards you she was cold towards you. You knew that she had that level of despise towards you.

I sigh. "It is a boyfriend. But both of you have to know that I've been seeing him for two months now. I wanted to make sure things were okay with us before I introduced you to him. I'll just go grab him"

"hes outside?" Alexia asks shock lacing her voice.

"yeah, he surprised us" I say shrugging with a smile on my face. Going to the front door grabbing sams wrist yanking him inside, lightly.

"Gi, al. Meet Sam."

"nice to meet yous." Sam says from beside me.

"nice to meet you too" Gi says.

"Nice to meet you too" Alexia says

"well... this is awkward" I say

"divvent have to be like. Ceemon. Lets play a drinking game."

"okay sam, whats your last name so I can call you by it?" Alexia asks

"Fender" he replies

"right Fender let me go get the vodka like"

⋆｡°✩

cut to 4 hours later and the girls were leaving the house off to a club. where they were meeting there boyfriends.

"I'm warning ye fender, one chance."

"aye, and that one chance'll last no breaking this lasses heart for as long as I've got her like"

"okay" she replies shutting the front door.

"finally" I say replying slamming my mouth onto sams kissing him where our other kisses were slow and there was no need involved. this one was fast and filled with want and need, more like to jump each other's bones.

we both moan into the kiss stripping each other of our clothes and walking our way up to the bedroom sams backs of his knees reach my bed I push him down onto it breaking the kiss, for a second but that was the only second he needed before he was asking me "are you sure y/n? are you sure you want to do this"

"Aye sam. are yee daft, I want this more than anything. now shut up and let me on with it like"

"okay" and that was it before I was slamming my lips back into his and the night got swept away from us. spending a lot of time in eachother and in the sheets together.

⋆｡°✩

I woke up to my back being tickled. I turned around to face Sam and I was completely in love. "Mornin' darlin'" He whispered "Mornin'" I said letting out a stretch and sigh at the same time "I've been doing some thinking" he says in a hush tone "Oh yeah? and whats that?" "I was wondering if you'll be me girlfriend like?" "Sam, I'd absolutely love to be your girlfriend" "Good now comin for a cuddle and a smooch?" "Yeah go on then" I scooch over and rest my head on his chest and he wraps his arms around my naked body pulling the covers up over both of our bodys and starts tickling my back again.

I lean in for a kiss and he kisses me back. Slow and sensual this time, no sense of urgency whatsoever our lips move intact with each other. It was only after a few moments I lay my head back down on his chest.

"Tired babe?" "yeah just a bit. I'm gonna take a nap right here if that's okay?" "course it is darling" he says running his hand through my hair this time having moved from my back and into my hair. And that was how we spent the rest of the morning.

#sam fender x you #sam fender x y/n #sam fender #sam fender fluff #imagine #sam fender imagine #written request

[morning-sun-brah]

Okay so I've just GOTTA know... how the hell do you write the way you do?? I haven't been able to get sucked into any written work since high school, trauma brain and all. I used to live in books so it's been hell, but your writing got me back into reading, and makes it so I can get lost into that little world again, which I've craved but been able to have for like... so long. Writing is something I've always been into, but I let my fear of failure and need for perfection stop me. Just... do you have any advice for beginners?? It would mean the world to me, but I understand if it's an annoying ask! Thanks for reading no matter what!

Well I am just a mess reading this (in the best way possible).

First of all, thank you so much omfg. And of COURSE it isn't annoying! This is so flattering I'm about to cry my dude.

As far as tips on writing, I feel like I am not the person to ask because I'm just this little weirdo on the internet who likes turtles lol. But!! In an attempt to try and give real advice here is my response... and it got a little wordy so it's all under the break lmaoooo.

~Gin's rambling attempt to give writing advice~

Practice! Literally the only reason I can string coherent words together is because I've been doing this as a hobby for like two whole decades.

Also!! Read! Consuming other fics and books really helps. Sometimes you find a way of saying something that sticks with you. Sometimes you sit and think "I would have done it this way/said it this way." Sometimes you come out on the other end and go "Wow I am a hack that was amazing." Sometimes you finish something and go "Wow that was fucking terrible I'm amazing." Sometimes you read something and it fires off your brain, and you are left itching to write your own story. But however you feel, it's all GOOD FOR WRITING. It helps you grow! It literally helps you find your voice!

Other little things; When I write, I truly immerse myself. I am playing out in cinema format what is happening in the "scene." How is this person reacting? How do they look- down to facial expressions. How are they feeling? Is this something they would say? (would they fucking say that??? is something I think to myself every time I open a doc) And when I write it all down, I try my very best to convey that "scene" that played out in my head. I try to capture that character's voice, their mannerisms, their habits.

Does this even make sense? I sure hope so.

Also, flow. Make sure we're moving right along. Keep track of where hands, legs, and torsos are. If they were sitting when the scene started, and you need them standing to kiss or fight or do a thumb war, at some point you need to make sure you say they stood up. If a hand was on a cheek, it can't suddenly be on an ankle without telling the reader what happened.

I also just think adding little details helps with immersion. When we talk to people, we don't just stand around. We fidget. We pick our nails or scratch our arms or shuffle our feet. All those little details can add to that immersion (or I think so, I'm no expert). "He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck before saying..." - Wow, what an awkward little shit. "They scrunched their nose and gave a near-violent eye-roll" - Oh ok they are annoyed! "She shifted her feet and replied"- cool she's being a person, I shift my feet too, neato.

Anyway, nothing I wrote 20 years ago is as good as it is now. I'm highly convinced that I'll think the same thing in another 10 years, about anything I've published recently. But it is getting better, and it's because I keep at it. Having friends in the fandom and beta readers really helps. Make sure you find someone who you know will be positive but honest. And remember, YOU are always going to be your own worst critic.

God why did anyone ever let me have access to a computer. Why the FUCK is this so long? Does it even make sense? Jfc, I'm going to post it and eat a fucking cookie.

I believe in you anon. Also, I love you and thank you so much for making my whole week. I'm going to be so obnoxious about this shit, everyone expect to hear from my ass an annoying amount (kidding, but seriously I'm so fucking flattered thank you so much. This kind of shit makes me wonder what the fuck you're all reading because I swear I am just a silly gal with seasonal depression who needs a haircut).

((Also, anon, I wish you nothing but the best. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that I am sending you like a million hugs))

#anon ask #oh also! #write what you want #like- don't write what you think the fandom wants #write what YOU want to see #What YOU like #You're never going to please everyone #So just please yourself #wait that sounds bad #fuck it #sure please yourself whatever I said what I said

[sinni-ok-sessi]

Fic writer interview

Tagged by @bitterflames, thank you!

How many works do you have on AO3? 21, a number that surprises me every time by being both more and fewer than I think it should be

What’s your total AO3 word count? 186, 378 (again, feels like this is both way too many words and also not as many as it ought to be)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Moonlight as My Guide (The Untamed) The Naming of Small Things (The Untamed) Continuing Professional Development (The Magnus Archives) Noli me tangere (The Magnus Archives) Spin Me Right Round (The Untamed)

Nothing suprising here, given the ridiculous size of those two fandoms, but I am always charmed by the love CPD gets, given it's mostly me making jokes about a librarianship conference I went to once

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Aaaagh, I wish I did? I'm bad at thinking of things to say! I think I do better at responding in small fandoms where I know/know of most of the commenters and 'thank you for being on this small liferaft with me' feels like an appropriate sentiment

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I don't really do angst-angst, but The Winding Roads They Led Me Here is probably the most obviously not-a-happy-ending thing I've written?

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? I am surveying my corpus and learning that wow, I write a not inconsiderable number of things about learning to live when you don't really want to? Shan't be analysing that too closely, tyvm, but I do remain pleased with the way And Green the Ground Below and Breathe In For Luck came out. For sheer straightforward glee at the ending, it's gotta be never knew a part of you / you didn't set in ink

Do you write crossovers? No, I imagine crossovers at great length and then make no moves towards writing anything down (see: the sprawling Nirvana in Fire/Vorkosigan series Entity that gets passed around between me and several friends, which consists entirely of one of us going 'hey have you thought about if X met Y?' and then yelling about that for several hours straight)

Have you ever received hate on a fic? lol, only from the one person who told me 'toxic xiyao' was ruining MaMG, which is very funny to me because that's kind of the point in that fic

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yeahhhh but I find it very difficult. A long, hard process, in fact. As for 'what kind', uh, mutually obsessive D/s dynamics pretty much covers it, I think

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yeah! Someone on Wattpad was translating MaMG into Spanish, though idk how far they got

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No because I am very secretive about showing people my writing until it's 'presentable' and I think that would kill me

What’s your all-time favorite ship? [Douglas Richardson voice] Sir is fickle and changeable [/Douglas Richardson voice], but I think the ship I have spent longest actively contemplating is proooobably MCS/Jingyan?

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? All of themmmmmmm. (No, I would really like to do more with the Langya Hall prequel fic, but I think it's currently beyond my confidence as a writer so...)

What are your writing strengths? Fraught conversations and minute observations of body language, my beloved

What are your writing weaknesses? Plot? I don't know her. Pacing? A distant acquaintance at best

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I doubt I ever would, because I'm not confident in the spoken forms of any language I quote-unquote 'know', and I also find the 'multilingual character uses non-English endearments for their beloved' trope to be...a little painful, but I'm not averse to the idea on principle, though I suspect it requires more skill than people generally think to pull it off well

What was the first fandom you wrote for? hhhhh fucking. Sherlock Holmes (ACD stories), I think. Maybe the Psmith books by PG Wodehouse? I think it's for the best that the fic I wrote as a teen is marooned somewhere on LJ

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? I'm not going to do it, because it involves way too much compartmentalising not to set off my RPF squick, but god those sad boat men from The Terror are compelling and would bring me nicely back into my wheelhouse of repressed Victorians and also the Navy (I think I never actually finished writing anything for the Hornblower fandom back in the day, but my god it was not for lack of trying)

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? usually my most recent fic tbh (in this case, Make A Mercy Out of Me, which is, uh, unrepentant Disguiser smut and therefore of interest to like. three people worldwide, but that's fine)

tagging: @tallangrycockatiel, @goingsparebutwithprecision and anyone else who's interested and hasn't already been tagged

#tag games #writing about writing

[alagaesia-headcanons]

Hi! I just wanted to say it's been really cool to see the amount of effort and thought you're putting into Clear Horizons. In response to your recent post looking for inspiration, I thought up a couple of prompt ideas (possibly loose outlines - sorry if this is the wrong level of detail) for short fics with Murtagh and Orrin that I'm happy to share. I'm not sure that they're drabble length, but still, I hope these can be useful to you.

1. It might be fun to see the two of them have a conversation where they trade stories related to their interests. I'm picturing something like "I was investigating [sparsely documented scientific process] and while my experiments were successful it turned out way different from what I'd hoped" "wow that's wild I was investigating [obscure magical rumor/curse somewhere in the countryside] and while I solved the mystery things turned out way different from what I'd expected", but obviously you can play it however you like.

2. I personally hc that Murtagh really loves camping. I also suspect that Orrin doesn't have much experience camping, at least not so far off the beaten path without servants or knights for support. I think it would be cool to see a conversation from their first time out camping together - it could be fun to explore the reasons behind the camping trip, or how they reconcile their differing levels of experience, or the trust required to rest well all alone in the wild, or what it's like to be away from prying eyes for a bit, or the different things they associate with the activity of camping, or anything else you might find interesting about the situation.

No worries if neither of these speak to you, but hopefully this helps! Feel free to shoot me a message about it if you'd like. Best of luck to you. :)

Thank you so much for the lovely encouragement and the lovely prompts!! I've written for the first one here! The second one actually feels perfect for an idea I have near the end of Clear Horizons, so I may use it as inspiration for that 👀...

(All this writing has been an interesting look at the kinds of world building details I never would have thought about that I end up needing to decide. This time, I've decided the other planets in their solar system are all named after gems~)

-

The peace of the empty room is almost jarring after the long, crowded feast. “Now that we have a quiet moment to ourselves...” Murtagh drifts over to his bag. He deliberately waited for just such an opportunity to have Orrin’s full attention and also an unobstructed view of his reaction. “I have something for you.”

Orrin makes a grieved little noise, insisting, “Murtagh! You didn’t need to do anything like that; it’s too much. Having you here is a gift in itself.”

“Well, thank you,” Murtagh replies, pleased. “But! You’re wrong- It is imperative that I give you the best present that you’ll love so much, everyone else’s will pale in comparison.”

“Ahh, so it’s part of your peacocking.”

“Yes. Don’t peek!” Orrin holds his hands up and sits back in his chair. “That’s cheating.” Diligently keeping his back to Orrin so that he can’t see, he leans down and extracts a carefully wrapped up bundle from his pack. Hefting it up in his arms, he wrangles away the thick cloth protecting the large, leather bound book beneath. Sidling closer to Orrin under his curious gaze, Murtagh finally turns and hums blithely while he slides the book from his arms onto the table.

The moment the title comes fully into view, Orrin slaps a hand over the cover. “Holge’s Treatise on Natural Phenomena?!” Murtagh straightens up as he deposits the book and preens- just a little. “You can’t be serious-! I’d all but given up hope of learning of a copy, much less owning... When was this penned?” With immense eagerness measured by the caution of someone who both reveres books and handles rare texts on the regular, he thumbs through the introduction. “Where in the world did you get this?” he gasps in awe as he turns to the first chapter.

“In Ceunon,” Murtagh answers, but then pauses without elaborating. As he expected, Orrin’s eyes have zeroed in on the page, scanning it rapidly, and he won’t hear a thing he says until his focus relents again. Smiling softly, Murtagh waits patiently as he reads, silently counting out the beats of time.

Predictably, when he reaches forty, Orrin stirs and then says, “...Ceunon? Not Ilirea?”

“I didn’t look in Ilirea. It’s possible there’s a copy in the old citadel, but I’m not so sure. Besides, it’s your birthday: that deserves thought and effort. I wasn’t going to settle for the easy pickings by just rummaging around in there and swiping whatever seemed suitable.” Then Murtagh pauses and tilts his head.

“Just don’t ask how I got the money to-”

“So where’d you find money for such-”

Both cutting off simultaneously, Murtagh glowers at Orrin’s warm laugh. He sniffs primly and declares, “Someone might as well put Galbatorix’s hoarded wealth to good use, considering that he never did.” Orrin’s sound of agreement still wavers with a hint of laughter and Murtagh rolls his eyes fondly. “And it’s not as though that made it any easier to find the book. A librarian in Narda tipped me off, then when I searched out the collector I was directed to, I learned he didn’t actually have it, so he eventually told me who he thought should- then repeat that about five times over. Then I spent no less than three hours vowing to treat the book better than my first born child to convince the man to take my money once I finally found it.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised.” He flips to a page filled with equations. “Because it’s so specialized, it requires an expert to make a verifiably accurate copy, so very few exist. I still can barely believe it...”

“I hope it is accurate. I’m certainly not smart enough to know. Although I did read the chapter on astronomy while I travelled.”

“Astronomy?” he echoes in surprise. “I didn’t know he wrote about that. I’ve only heard him mentioned for his study of elements in nature.”

Nodding towards the book, Murtagh says, “The bulk of it seems to be about that. Hopefully that holds up better than his foray into astronomy.” Orrin glances at him and Murtagh confesses, “I thought most of it was bullshit.”

“Oh?” He rests the edge of his jaw in his palm.

Murtagh shrugs. “Well, I’ve spent a lot of time a lot closer to the stars than almost anyone else can reach, and I’ve inevitably noticed things.”

Orrin grins. “I’m not sure proximity determines your authority on astronomy.”

“It makes a difference though! You don’t realize just how much more I can see up there. Looking the other way is the most obvious proof of it. The sky can look perfectly clear, but once we’re up high enough, the ground below looks hazy and blurred and veiled. All of that is in the way of the heavens when you’re on the ground.” Orrin shifts his chair so he can lean in towards Murtagh, distractedly trying to find the chapter in question. “I don’t believe his argument about the moon and its implications about the arrangement of orbits. He assumes too much- other planets do have moons. I’ve seen them!”

Orrin abandons the book and latches onto that with full fascination.

“Thorn is best at tracking all the stars and planets; he always knows where the Opal is. They can’t be seen from the ground, but with a spyglass up there, I can see two moons around it. First, I figured they might be distant stars, but I know they’re moons.”

“Because they move?” Orrin infers, excitement in his breath.

“Exactly! They’re sometimes on one side, then on the other, or they’re out of sight, entirely behind the planet. But I’ve never seen them move away.”

“That must be beautiful...” Orrin muses longingly.

Even with the spyglass, the planet and its moons are mere pinpricks of light, and yet Murtagh knows what he means. “It is.” He hopes to show him one day.

At last, Orrin turns to a page with several planetary diagrams and he hums appraisingly. “You know, there are theories that the alignment of the planets are partially responsible for Eoam’s Floating Crystal.” Murtagh purses his lips skeptically. “Your mark against these kinds of models-” he runs a finger down the page- “actually supports that idea, I’d say.”

“Really? But that’s magic,” Murtagh counters. “I have a hard time believing the heavens have any hand in it.”

“True, but it’s a rare case where the magic itself is a natural phenomenon. I felt quite the same way, honestly, until the Southern Islands were added to Surda’s territory and I had the chance to visit myself. I found first hand records of how the Crystal’s behavior changed with time, with the days and nights, and also through the seasons. Once I was there, close enough to see it myself, I noticed how it consistently responded to the tides, even. I never would have realized if I couldn’t go.”

“Hmm, so it seems like the proximity helped you understand?”

He links his hands behind Murtagh’s waist. “Alright, alright, you win,” he surrenders readily. “Yes, I’ve taken those theories much more seriously since then. And these other models are the most common counter argument. For my own amusement, I tried applying those old records to the proposed equations to calculate when the next transit of the Ruby will be. But alas, I still have to wait another...” he tilts his head and stares up towards the ceiling- “twenty seven years to know if I was right.”

“You always are- I’ll clear my schedule.” Orrin laughs.

Murtagh sways restlessly as the pause extends itself, then abandons subtlety to prompt, “So you like it?”

Orrin meets his eye with a little, incredulous scoff, so utterly fond. “Dear, I adore it. It’s absolutely incredible.” His hands fidget with his tunic. Quietly, “It’s kind of staggering; you didn’t have to go to so much trouble for me.”

Murtagh shakes his head. “I wanted to give something you’d truly love... because I love your love.” Orrin’s exhale shivers as he pulls him into a kiss.

#eragon #inheritance cycle #murtagh #murtagh morzansson #orrin #my writing #murtagh x orrin #mxo #i am Obsessed with them being domestic #these nerds are everything #orrin deserves some love on his birthday and goddamn it murtagh will make sure he gets it!!! #(i was such a fool thinking i could keep these under 1k)