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fangirl-dot-com · 4 months

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Incorrect Quotes

all of these were from Pinterest - cause I'm not this funny (I also couldn't wait for the next chapter to come out so here :D)

Like always comments, questions, concerns, reblogs, and likes are appreciated <3

TAG LIST IS OPEN! - 26 spots still open! (please send me a direct message to be added!)

Y/n: I’m cool Oscar Y/n: I’m THEE coolest Y/n: In fact, I was once arrested for being too cool *puts on sunglasses* Oscar: The charges were dropped because there was no supporting evidence. Also, your glasses are upside down.

Y/n: I have a very specific type Max: Oh yeah? Like what? Y/n: Y’know…polite, handsome, athletic…that sort of thing Arthur (on his fourth energy drink of the day) tripping over camera wires and holding his mic upside down: you little shit eating, damned pathetic piece of shit – now you listen here Y/n: *heart eyes* that one. I want that one. Max: *flabbergasted*

Lando: bet you’re standing in the corner because you’re scared that you’ll get turned down if you talk to anyone Y/n: please, I could fluster near everyone at this party if I chose to Oscar: oh yeah? Prove it. Go for someone borderline impossible and I’ll believe you Y/n, approaching Arthur: hey dumbass, hoodie looks kind of cute on you, wanna get out of here? Arthur: WH- I MEAN- UHHHH YEAH SURE Y/n: perfect Oscar and Lando:

Y/n: I brought a red bull Max: I don’t want a red bull Y/n: I didn’t bring this for you. This is my red bull. Max: then why are you telling me? Y/n: It’s a conversation starter. Max: That’s a lousy conversation starter Y/n: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate *sips red bull*

Y/n: *gently taps table* Logan: *taps back* Alex: what are they doing? George: morse code Y/n: *aggressively taps table* Logan: *slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Lewis: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated Y/n: Killed without hesitation Lewis: nO!

Y/n: Is stabbing someone immoral? Mitch: Not if they consent to it. Max: Depends on who you’re stabbing. Christian: YES?!

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Y/n: Shit Logan: Wait, three? Cop: yeah? Lando: OH MY GOSH OSCAR FELL OFF!!

Max: Time for plan G. Liam: Don’t you mean plan B? Daniel: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Y/n: What about plan D? Daniel: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Max: What about plan E? Liam: I’m hoping not to use it. I die in plan E Yuki: I like plan E.

Christian: Did none of you think this was a bad idea? *Y/n, Max, Charles, and Arthur covered in navy and red paint* Y/n: Oh no, we all did. We just decided to do it anyway.

George: (in sunglasses and newest Tommy Hilfiger jumpsuit) *in the most posh accent* I’m too good for revenge Logan: (covered in bug spray, cowboy hat and overalls on, pumped full of Bang energy drink and high on freedom) *cocks shotgun* Well, I’m not. Give me the name.

Arthur: So what’s your type? Y/n: Kinda long blond hair, green eyes, dumb, dimples, funny, really thin waist Arthur: Huh, that kind of sounds like me! Too bad its not me! Y/n: did I mention dumb? Arthur: yeah, why? Y/n: just making sure

*Over Text*

Y/n: Hey pretty boy, what’re you up to? :) Arthur: Eating cereal in bed Y/n: And what would you be doing if I was in bed with you? Arthur:…I would still be eating my cereal?

Waitress: And what would you like to eat? Y/n: I wish to devour the unborn Fernando: Eggs, she would like eggs

Y/n: Do you think that when sheep go to sleep they count themselves? Lando: Or do they count humans? Y/n: Ooo, that’s a good question Oscar: GO TO SLEEP

Y/n to Max: because I am a mature adult *turns to see Mitch, Christian, and Vito shake their heads* *turns back to Max* Y/n: I am an adult

*Dinner with Max, Y/n, Charles, and Arthur*

Y/n: The food is too cute, I can’t eat it! Max: Charles: Arthur: You’re cute, but I’d still eat y- Max: ONE DINNER Charles: *sighs* here we go again Max: ONE NORMAL DINNER IS ALL I ASK Y/n: Charles, this pasta is also crunchy, I truly can’t eat this

Ollie: Good night everyone Arthur: Good night Lando: Good night Oscar: Good night Y/n: good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. Tonight, imma fight until we see the sunlight. Tik tok on the clock, but the party don’t stop Oscar: I’M DONE

George (t-posing in the doorway): Greetings, parental figures and sister figure *Y/n, Lewis, and Toto walking past* Toto (not looking up from his coffee): Good morning, problem child

Christian: You see, Fernando, Y/n is at the age where she only has one thing on her mind Fernando (noticeably excited): Oh! Oh! Oh! Boys? Max (looking over at the dead tired rookie with revenge in her eyes as she looks at Esteban): No. Murder.

Y/n: Hey Liam, want some of this food? Liam: Sure, thanks! Yuki (storming in with the anger of the gods): WHO TF ATE MY LEFTOVERS THAT CLEARLY HAD MY NAME ON IT Y/n: WE did Liam: You surprisingly smart little mf

Y/n: Never have I ever…Been grounded by my parents! Arthur (exasperated): Every time. She makes disownment jokes every time and she always wins Max: Good one Kid. I always go for the ‘never had a dad who supported me.’ Charles: *stands up and walks away*

Y/n: I’ve only said I love you to four people. Christian, Vito, Arthur, and Max when I thought he died after he wouldn’t respond after a DNF. I only regret one of those Lando: Which one? Y/n: Max. He was just pressing the wrong button and walked out a few minutes later. He made me look like an idiot. Max: I let you win next race Y/n: still

(Y/n, Logan, Lando, and George trying to sneak into RB for more energy drinks after being banned from drinking more)

Logan: So what do you think Y/n will do as a distraction? Lando: She’ll probably, like, make a noise George: Or throw a rock. That’s what I would do *The door flings open and smoke follows. Screams of mechanics fill the air as they try to extinguish a small fire* Logan:…Or she could do that.

Y/n: When I die, donate my entire body to science Y/n: Except my middle finger, give that to Esteban

(max and y/n in a horror movie)

Max: QUICK YOU’RE LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD. WHAT’S YOUR TYPE? Y/n (bleeding out): tall, male, brown hair, dimples, caring, supportive, Monegasque Max: BLOOD TYPE DUMBASS Y/n: oh Y/n: (looks down at wound) Y/n: red

Lando: I wish we could block people in real life. Oscar: Restraining order Y/n: Murder

Christian: Y/n, we need to talk about your professionalism for media days Y/n (and a lot of media personelle she rounded up, all standing on chairs): those are some mighty brave words for someone standing in lava

Y/n (to Max while hiding behind some tires – regretting everything): and then I called him dad Christian (to Geri – trying not to cry while cameras are everywhere): and then she called me dad

Max: Christian, look what Y/n got me for father’s day *holds up generic #1 dad mug* Christian (glaring silently while sipping from his own #1 dad mug) Max: that lying rookie Vito (holding a worn down #1 dad mug): you guys are late to the party suckers

Criminals: We have your daughter and son Toto: I don’t have a daughter and Jack is right here Criminals: then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwiches? Christian: dear God, you have Y/n and George

Mitch: So Christian, you and Geri want to be a parents again someday? Christian: Someday? We’re parents right now. Mitch: Y/n is your employee Geri: She is our BLOOD

Christian: Max is late again Kelly: I woke him up at 8 and pretended it was 11 Y/n: I wrote a fake schedule saying we were starting at 9 instead of 12 Lando: I changed his clock from AM to PM Christian: I think you may have overdone it Max (bursting into the garage): WHAT YEAR IS IT?

Y/n: If I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, monster, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an energy smoothie...would it kill me? Logan: *shrugs* only if you die Y/n (getting out the blender): you're so smart Logan Max (running into the room): y/N STOP!

Lance: I got Netflix like you asked! Y/n: OH that's amazing! I've been mooching off Max's and Arthur's accounts for a while. This will be nice! Lance: Wait, what do you mean accounts? Y/n: Their Netflix accounts? Lance: Y/n: Like their profiles? I wanted one of my own, they're like $12 Lance: Lance:....Oh....You meant the account on the service... Y/n: Yeah, what did you think I meant? Wait...What did you buy? Lance: Lance:....Netflix...

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @agent-curt-mega @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @cashtons-wife @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12

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kittykittyanon · 6 months

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♡♡introooo!!! ---- (≧▽≦)//

woah!! hii!! welcome to my blog!! whaaat!??!! (°ロ°) !

this was made cause i think aggressive anon and worm are really cool and i really liked the idea of making an anon blog, i think was the word?? (and i'm too nervous to just talk on my main),, so yay!! credits to them :DD

i'm really anxious and i'm scared of social interaction,, but with the shield of anon, i feel a little bit more confident now!! yippeee!!! (≧▽≦) (≧▽≦) !!!

pronouns are she/they,, and also BOO!! AGE REVEAL!! i'm 14 WOAHHH!!! GAHH!!!! Σ(°ロ°) Σ(°ロ°)

please please please tell me if anything i do or say upsets or hurts anyone,, it's kinda hard for me to tell tones and i don't wanna be mean or insensitive or anything,, so by all means,, call me out!!

uhhmm,, uhhh,,,, i like art and music and and aaaand turtles that are teenagers and mutants and who also, possibly, maybe live in the sewers (/j) feel free to talk to me about literally anythinggg!!╰(*´︶`*)╯

i think i'll just kinda,, sit here, i guess?? i'll use this to reblog stuffs and post random whatevers,, i will probably pop up somewhere and actually get the somewhat confidence to show my appreciation towards a couple people i've been following on my main that i was too nervous to talk to sooo yah!! im so sorry for making this so long, this took me a while to get the courage to post,, thank you for reading!!!

edit!! i changed my prns from she/her to she/they!! going to try it out for a little and see if it feels right (*´▽`*)!!

tags!!!;; #kittykitty interactions , #kittykitty reblogs , #kittykitty art , #kittykitty asks , #kittykitty rambles , #kittykitty yaps , #kittykitty treasures , #kittykitty hoards , #kittykitty writes

my amazing mooties' tags!!!!;; #rocky!! rocky!!! , #zeepie beepie!!! zeepie deepie!!!! , #big sib aggie!!! , #omg hi frankie!!! hiii!!!! , #woah!! chip is here!! hi chip!!!! // #chippy chip chipper chippzie!! , #the wormiest worm ever!!! , #finnie forevermore!!! finley!!! finn!!! , #woah!! its lykaios!! hii!! , #skrap-a-skrip!! ,, #the loveliest amor!!

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wifiwuxians · 4 months

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sorry for the late reply! im the songxue anon! just saw your responses a few minutes ago and my gosh, you're really very sweet ;; im sorry to have caused so much of a fuss but thank you for being so compassionate and kind ;; (also i adore that crying xue yang omigosh what are you talking abt how can you think thats not amazing its perfect i love it). also the tags? on your first reply??? people are mean to song lan????? WHO IS MEAN TO SONG LAN??? WHY??? HOW????! i'll be honest, i tend to avoid getting involved with fandom discourse At All Costs bc i dont need that kind of stress in my life, so mainly i just look at fanart and fics i like and stay in my lane so i had no idea there were people who hate on song lan???? like??????????? how????????????????? okay, i love xue yang, he's my baby, but i TOTALLY understand people hating him. he has no rights and he deserved everything bad that happened to him and so much more. i just happen to adore him and wanna spoil my stupid lil meowmeow. like it makes SENSE to be mad at xue yang but like.................................. how can anyone hate song lan?!?! HE DID NOTHING WRONG?????? LITERALLY HE JUST GOT HURT, OVER AND OVER, FOR NO REASON????? im sorry for going on such a tangent over a very short tag you added but im a lil flabbergasted that anyone could hate on Best Boy. also while im going on tangents about tags, your 500 aus are part of what i adore about your art oki. like you have such a wonderful and vivid imagination and the way that you give life to the ideas with your art is breath-taking. even if its a concept i dont think i would enjoy just hearing the idea, when i see your execution i am 100% on board because my gosh you have such a beautiful way of bringing life to things.

and you don't need to apologize for anything btw! it's totally oki to assert boundaries and i really dont speak for anyone other than myself. i just saw a few "dont tag as ship" things and i was like "ahh... oki they prolly wouldnt like me" cuz im an anxious bean and i also dont wanna reveal myself as a gross loser who likes weird ships to one of my fav artists, ya know? so you were 100% just doing the good selfcare thing (which much approval, we stan) and i just got the wrong idea cuz im a nervous weirdo. as for revealing myself i feel a bit embarrassed to do so now after being such a weirdo at you oaeurhgiauehrg but one way or another, your are IS getting reblogged, especially now that i have permission to look at some pieces disrespectfully oiaerhjgohre (not SUPER disrespectfully, just maybe a lil bit of 'they're in love your honor' oki) (a silly random thing but im a bit happy to know you dont hate songxue oijghiouehrg its silly but knowing my favorite 'songxue artist' (not-really-songxue-but-i-totally-see-it) doesnt hate my otp is kinda nice 😊 i thought the irony of it was a bit funny before but i also felt guilty for seeing stuff that your didnt really intend with your art and yeah eoirjgioejrg basically my initial asks were all that struggle so its just kinda nice. its not a very popular ship so its cool when its not disliked, even if its not actively enjoyed. idk if im making sense LOL sorry) ohergiuearhg sorry i feel like i went on a bunch of tangents instead of responding to you properly and i think maybe i have a problem of Talking Too Much so i swear i will really try to keep this one short. i love your art, youre completely valid and wonderful, im doing okay and im really happy you responded to me so kindly despite my strangeness, i think you're neat and you deserve a ton of people showering you with praise cuz damn, you make things great. and i'd like to take a moment to express how you can really influence people with your art: i never even considered wen chao x xue yang before your art and now i think they're a really funny couple, and thats completely bc of how lovely your creations are. please believe in your ability to make people love the things that you love through your beautiful art. be proud of how incredible you are. you make everything a lil brighter just by existing but the fact that you exist and choose to share your beautiful art (and fics, ive read some of them and i Love your writing, its incredible) you make the world a whole lot brighter cuz damn, now i get to look at this stuff and just smile and feel warm inside. so thank you for making my life a lil happier and please be confident in yourself!

okay sorry to put em all together but also i felt it was best so let's begin,

^me

1- you've caused no fuss at all so don't worry about that!! i just wanted to make sure it wasn't a ships in the night situation LOL i wanted to make sure you got my response! :) (I'M GLAD YOU ENJOY THE MEME LOL) as for song lan meanness, that's what i'm saying THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING and YET! this is why i stay out of the tags all the time. there's just too much shit out there in the world and sometimes i fail at just gritting my teeth and letting people say their thang, and it gets me in trouble... but maaaaaaan i really need to say it's a shame you wanna stay anonymous because i think we'd get on like a house on fire! you've summed up exactly how i feel about both of them + how i wish others reacted to them haha (but no pressure to reveal yourself! just know i think we'd get along)

and as for 500 AUs... i'm so glad 😭 i am an AU machine, i have so many i can't keep track and they bring me so much joy, but i admittedly feel sort of alone in making them haha SO THIS MEANS A LOT!! especially you complimenting my execution like i think i may just melt into a puddle and pass away jfghsjh thank you,, so much

2- but seriously, don't worry about the tag thing, it is 100% a boundary thing and the only time i think i'd dislike someone for it is if they saw i said not to tag it as something in the body of the post and did it anyway! 'cause that's just rude (and then i feel despair bc what else can i do to get people NOT to tag LMAO) it's for my own comfort, i'm not trying to dictate what people can or can't ship or feel, it's just i'd rather not hear about it :p especially when it's not what i drew! but also i'm a favorite artist? 😳

you haven't been a weirdo at all! no pressure to go mask off but please don't let anything be because you think i think you're a weirdo or a loser, ok? it's not true! hooray reblogs my NUTRIENCE.. THANK YOU! (but haha this isn't a 'theyre in love' type of piece but the one i personally look at most disrespectfully is when i drew sl straight up eating xy's flesh off his ribs... i know cannibalism isn't for everyone though and neither is gory imagery! just... sharing... oversharing...)

for the aside: no problem! i will say for transparency purposes that my relationship with it IS complicated and that i personally would need it to fit a very uncommon mold (that i do not often see) for me to be like 👍 which is why i tend to stick to my own stuff + what a chosen few friends make when it comes to them in general, but my god you're a rare breed! i've never met anyone who had it as their otp!! you're braver than any US marine because it's such a rarepair it didn't make it into the like top 11 mdzs ships on ao3 or whatever...

3- i love talking though! i really appreciate your messages and i hope this response wasn't a complete jumbled mess ahhh...

thank you so so much for all the lovely praise and encouragement, getting these messages actually helped me break out of my funk a little and do some chores, so know your words do have an impact too! 💕 i need to remember more often that as long as even one person smiles at my work, it will have been worth it. i promise i'm trying ;; sometimes i get caught up in the numbers still and i'm very ashamed of that, but damn, you took time out of your day to let me know that you love and appreciate what i do, and that's honestly made me tear up a little, so THANK YOU AGAIN !! i'm sorry i'm failing at expressing myself and my gratitude properly kgjdklhjkgh (also, thank you for the xuechao support, like THAT's what i call a RAREPAIR! (canned laughter) i really try to spread the joy with those two)

i'm really floundering on how to say thank you well enough so... maybe i can show you some birthday art i made for a friend who also loves xy and sl and xy/chao (which of course now im being nitpicky about but the friend loved it so idc LOL)

#long post #INCREDIBLY long post #shin dont look #i could tell you my top 3 song lan bad takes that make me wanna maul but #then i would probably really get in trubs. what am i saying ive driven the people who said em away LONG ago lmao #also also: re: ship stuff from what youve said i think you would handle them well!!!!!!!#you like my art AND my fics i could melt rn #xy&sl

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hajimine · 3 years

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perennial destiny — fushiguro megumi x gn!reader

synopsis: megumi does not like the concept of soulmates. he wants to be able to choose who he loves—and he chooses you.

word count: 1.2k

genre: fluff, soulmate!au but not really, established relationship, soft!megumi (this is so cheesy fr)

soundtrack: on a clear day by joe hisaishi

a/n: i’m ngl i actually like this lol so i hope you guys do too! tysm @rintaroll for being my beta and for the song rec mwah ily (ew) <3

A light smattering of clouds paint the blue sky in splashes of white, providing you with a little bit of shade from the otherwise bright afternoon sun.

You gaze at the little ducks waddling around on the pond, following their mother’s path. Unconsciously, you feel your lips curl up into a smile.

“What are you looking at?” Megumi murmurs, face turned towards you as he uses his hand to block out the sun from his eyes.

Humming, you give him a cheeky smile. “Nothing.”

He scrunches his face slightly, biting back a smile. He's used to your antics at this point.

Using his forearm to cover his eyes, Megumi sighs contently, shifting the position of his head on your lap to make himself more comfortable. The added weight on your thighs feel comforting, almost. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

The two of you stay in silence for a while as you bask in each other’s presence, enjoying the moment. The dark-haired boy plucks a stray dandelion beside him, inspecting it closely.

“Do you,” he starts, hesitating. You hum, urging him to continue. “Do you believe in soulmates?”

You stay quiet for a while, pondering his question. “I think I do, actually,” you admit. “It’s kinda sweet—the idea of it all. I’d like to think that there’s someone out there who’s meant for me, y’know?”

Megumi closes his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering as he considers your answer. He's really pretty, you think to yourself.

“Don’t you think it’s a little bit dumb?” He asks finally.

The bluntness of his words takes you by surprise. You laugh, gazing down at him with a fond look in your eyes. There’s a small frown on his lips; the crease between his brows a little more pronounced than usual.

Carding your fingers through his hair, you watch as he relaxes under your touch, the tension leaving his shoulders bit by bit.

You settle on a simple question. “What makes you say that?”

Megumi sighs, “The whole ‘fate and destiny’ thing. I think not being able to live your life the way you want to is a little depressing.” He purses his lips. “What if you don’t like your soulmate?”

You turn to look at the ducks again, but they were nowhere to be found. Now, the pond was silent, and there were no ripples in sight.

The pleasant smell of earth seeps into your lungs as you breathe in. Never in a million years would you have expected to have this kind of conversation with him.

You didn’t exactly peg him as someone who would be interested in the concept of soulmates at all. A soft smile graces your lips.

“Well, I suppose there should be a system to prevent that,” you squint, “maybe they would make it so that it’s impossible for you to hate your soulmate.”

Megumi clicks his tongue. “That just makes us robots then.”

This makes you grin. “Robots?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles, now shy. “If that's the case, you really have no choice in your thoughts and feelings, it simply strips your humanity away from you.”

You stop running your fingers through his hair for a moment and Megumi shifts, nudging your hand with his head to get you to continue. Cute.

Amused, you ask him, “Well, what if soulmates are real, and I’m not your soulmate, what would you do?”

He plucks another dandelion from the ground and inspects it before holding it close to his chest.

“It won’t change anything.” He says, not an ounce of hesitation in his words.

“Wouldn’t you wanna find your real soulmate?” You inquire, the flames of curiosity dancing in your eyes.

Without wasting a second, he sits up, turning around to face you. He studies your face for a second, eyes traveling down the curve of your nose and down to the slight upturn of your lips before returning to hold your gaze.

Megumi speaks, eyebrows furrowed. “No. the fates or the heavens or whatever the hell is controlling our destiny won’t have any effects on my choices. I’m not about to be another pawn in the gods’ game of love. It’s the least I can do.”

And you laugh, light and bubbly; ignoring the fact that your chest feels abundantly lighter after his statement.

“You’re really serious about this, huh?”

His cheeks flare up, the headstrong confidence from a minute ago now gone, replaced by the charming bashfulness only a few have had the privilege to see.

“Well,” he mumbles, “I’m not gonna leave you just ‘cause some prophecy tells me to. I like you. A lot.” Maybe a little too much, but he doesn’t tell you this.

The breeze tickles your face. “Yeah?”

Megumi refuses to meet your eyes, but he continues. “I want to spend the rest of my life with someone I chose myself. Soulmate or not.”

It is not his words that make your heart flutter—it’s the quiet blossoms in his cheeks, the sureness in his voice. If fate was a human, you’re sure that he’d fight her with no hesitation. Heck, even if she was a god, knowing Megumi, he would fight her too, even if it’ll cost him his life.

You watch him twirl the stem of dandelion between his fingertips. He doesn’t blow on it, nor does he make a wish like anyone else would in the presence of the perennial, he simply observes the flutters of white falling from its head.

“So you would defy destiny if you had to?” You ask, knowing exactly what his answer would be even before he utters another word.

“Yes.” his dark eyes are steady, not a drop of uncertainty swimming in its depths.

The soft breeze suddenly feels a little too warm for comfort. “That’s awfully romantic, don’t you think?”

And he blinks at you, but he does not yield. “Well, I just think soulmates are awfully unromantic.” He says, the corner of his lips twitching slightly.

A genuine laugh bubbles out from your chest. “You’re a curious one, Fushiguro Megumi.”

The smile on his lips is a fond one. “What about you?” He props his chin on the palm of his hand. “What would you do if soulmates are real?”

“Ah,” you pretend to think, “you’d be my soulmate then.”

He rolls his eyes at you, but the tips of his ears are dipped in vermillion. “But what if I’m not your soulmate?”

You spare him nothing but a glance, rising to your feet before brushing the dirt off your pants. As you squint at the setting sun, a contented sigh escapes your lips. On days like these, you could fully take in the beauty of the afternoon sky as you observe the shades of reds and golds dancing in the heavens.

“Then I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you to find my one true love.” You hum, biting back a laugh.

The dark-haired boy scoffs and stands up, walking towards you with his hands in his pockets. Half a smile graces his lips as he reaches for your waist, pulling you close. With the sort of tenderness he reserves just for you, Megumi rests his forehead against yours. He feels warm.

Megumi smells faintly of the earth—a product of the hours he spent sitting under the sun with you—along with a hint of the cool menthol shampoo he uses to wash his hair. And together, they create a blanket of comfort and familiarity, one that you’ve grown to call home. You breathe in.

“I won’t let you leave.” He mumbles, eyes fluttering shut. His palms feel comfortably warm on your waist; gentle and light, yet sure and heavy at the same time.

There’s a playful sparkle in your eyes as your lips curl up into a smile. “I know you won’t.”

per·en·ni·al /pəˈrenēəl/

(n.) a perennial plant

(adj.) lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring.

a/n: as always, reblogs are highly appreciated! please let me know what you think of this fic, i always love hearing from you all! also: yes, there’s another flower symbolism in this piece lol <3

-> writing masterlist | taglist is in the comments

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #megumi x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen imagines #megumi x you #fushiguro megumi #jjk imagines #❀ —𝐁𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄

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rommahh · 3 years

Text

I Carry Your Heart

Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 4k

{Ahhhh ok so this is my first work like ever. There will definitely be a second part because ive got more to say and it needs a second part. I hope whoever sees and reads this imagine enjoys it. I appreciate comments, likes, reblogs, ideas on what could go into the story, and any form of help and redirection as to how i should write things. Much love, R.}.

Part two

All Y/N wanted tonight was to hang out with her boyfriend, eat a mass amount of junk food, and watch a marvel movie or two. That was all she wanted and that was all she asked of her boyfriend. Instead of any of that happening, she found herself sitting on the nasty kitchen island of her boyfriend's frat at a party that she was trying to avoid going to.

This party was supposedly ‘the party of the year.’ The last rager before finals and then christmas break. Y/N had spent the whole week studying and finishing up end of semester projects hence the want for a chill night. When Harry came to her saying his frat was throwing a party tonight and that he just HAD to be here, Y/N didn't feel like she had a choice but to let him go. She came because she thought this would be the only time she would be able to have some time with Harry after a long week of barely seeing each other. With two vastly different majors, the couple wasnt able to find a lot of time in the middle of school work to make time for just the two of them. Obviously her hopes of quality time with her man were futile because here she was sitting by herself in the kitchen of the frat while Harry drank and got high with his friends in other parts of the house.

Of course she was disappointed. She felt a knot in her throat and a weight on her chest just sitting there in that kitchen. Her white claw was warm now- not that it was any cold when she opened it. She was starting to form a small headache from the too loud music and the ache in her heart was growing.

She stood from the countertop on the search for her boyfriend, hoping he wasn't too far gone from sober. Wiping the back of her jeans from anything that was left on the island, she began walking around the house. She doesn't remember the last time the two of them spent time together by themselves. Of course they occasionally ate dinner together in the dining hall but they were normally surrounded by friends. Y/N wanted to be alone with her boyfriend to talk and bask in his presence.

After pushing through groups of partying humans, she found Harry and at least ten other people sitting around playing some sort of drinking game.

“Y/N! Where have you been?” Luca, one of Harry's frat brothers yelled out to her from the circle. Luca was cool, he was one of the only tolerable boys in this frat aside from Harry. Hearing his girlfriend's name, Harry turned around from where he sat on the ground and reached out for his girlfriend to sit beside him. Much to Y/N’s dismay, Harry was wasted. His eyes were half mass and his words bumped and slurred together. “We are playing truth or dare, wanna play?” Luca asked.

“I don't wanna play but Ill sit and watch.” Sitting next to her boyfriend, she grabbed one of his hands holding it in her lap. She was annoyed at him but it did her no good to show it when he was this drunk.

This game of truth or dare was childish. Dares of licking people's shoes and taking multiple shots had been done and truths about money and relationships were being spilled among the group. It had finally become Harry’s turn to do something, making Y/N tense.

“Ok Harry, I dare you to…” One drunk frat boy started looking around the room trying to come up with something clever. His eyes landed on a pretty girl in the room, Yara, a stuck up girl who for sure got her way no matter what. “I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room- obviously not your girlfriend because that defeats the purpose.” The frat boy smirked knowing what his intentions were. Everyone in the group giggles and gasped shocked by the dare but ready to see what was going to go down. Y/N’s brows furrowed as she became angry with the stupid dare.

The ache in her chest seemed to tip over the edge when she felt her boyfriend in the room move to stand up. She grabbed at the bottom of his shirt as a way of stopping him. Harry halted his movements to look down at his girlfriend. He giggled a little.

“You’re not actually going to do this right?” She asked Harry with wide eyes of shock. Harry laughed at her like she made a joke, making her heart hurt even more.”Harry I do not want you to do this just take the shot and lose the dare.” Her tone held warning.

“Don't be silly of course I'm going to. It's just a dare, nothing serious. Don't be so clingy.” He stood walking over to Yara and planted a wet kiss on her mouth. Yara gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him harder. The kiss went on for a few more seconds, the room absolutely silent out of shock. Harry stepped back from Yara slightly sobering up from his actions. Yara smirked at Y/N, hand gliding down the front of Harry's shirt.

Y/N stood from the seat she was in and scoffed. Scoffed because she should've known Harry would do something like this. Scoffed because it hurt to see her boyfriend do something so careless without any regard for his girl's feelings. She pulled herself together, feeling her throat tighten once again. She was quick to leave the room and down the hall of the frat.

Harry's clumsy steps could be heard from behind her as he mumbled her name. Or at least he tried to. He was still so out of it, his words not making much sense. Y/N was crying now, the strength that she had slowly dissolving as she walked further away from her boyfriend.

“Y/N wait. P-please wait. I cant-” Harry stumbled over his legs behind her falling into the grass of the front yard. The girl couldn't help but turn around looking at her stupid boyfriend. She was choking on sobs now. She wasn't crying over a measly little kiss but over an extreme amount of burnout from school and exhaustion from simply existing. She was crying because her boyfriend ignored her boundaries, crushing and erasing the boundaries she had set in their relationship. Harry tried reaching for her once she had stopped walking. His hand clasped around her wrist, he laid his head down on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry even if he was too drunk to see why.

“Baby don't leave, Im-Im Sorry.” He hiccuped and burped due to the alcohol. Y/N felt her rage build. Shoving Harry off of her, she crossed her arms across her chest as a way to shield herself from Harry physically. He was hurt by her distance and the wall she put up around her.

“You're an idiot Harry. An idiot!” her sobs grew louder, some stray party goers watching in amusement- some even snapchatting it for shits and giggles. “I didnt want you to kiss her and you did. What provoked you to think that was ok? All I wanted was for us to hang out tonight and just be us and you did this!” She was yelling now. Her hurt is beyond her now. Anger and rage simmered throughout her body making her head dizzy and her fingers curl within themselves. She didnt like being angry. It wasn't an emotion she liked acting on, it felt impersonal.

“Baby I don't under-” Before Harry could finish his sentence he was barfing at his feet. Y/N stepped back disgusted with her boyfriend. She couldn't even feel remorseful because of how angry she was. Luca, the frat brother from earlier, caught up with Harry and his girl only to find Harry doubled over heaving. Luca wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I'm sorry Luca but I can't do this tonight. Can you please make sure he gets some water and goes to bed. I-I can't do it tonight, I wish I could but I can't.” Y/N didn't want to leave her boyfriend in this state but she didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to care for her drunk boyfriend when all she wanted to do was care for herself. Selfishly, she enjoyed seeing him this way because of the anger he caused her.

Luca shook his head in understandment. “Of course, I'm really sorry for tonight. He's going to seriously regret this in the morning, especially since it will be circulating all over snapchat in the morning.” Luca waved to Y/N then proceeded to pull Harry into the house. Harry called out for Y/N not wanting to be away from her but Luca pulled him harder.

Harry woke up the next morning feeling like the bottom of a dumpster. He wasn't shocked by that. He knew he got trashed last night, he had planned to. He, just like Y/N, spent all week studying and completing projects while also fulfilling certain responsibilities for his frat. He wanted one night to be a normal teen. So he drank and drank and drank and maybe even smoked some weed. As he tried to recall last night's events he came up with nothing. He didn't understand why Y/N wasn't here with him like she normally would after a party on the weekend. They were normally always together during the weekend. A bad feeling loomed over him. He could tell something wasn't right but decided to put his feelings to the side.

He saw a bottle of water beside his bed making him think she was probably here and left early. Chugging the water he started to go through his socials to see if anyone had posted about the party. He had multiple tagged pics and videos in his notifications from snapchat. Way more than he normally would.

The first video he saw was a video of him and Y/N standing in the front yard of the frat house. Turning the volume all the way up he could hear Y/N yelling, it shocked him. She doesn't normally raise her voice, especially not at him. The angle changed showing her face which was red with anger, eyes filled with unshed tears. He could hear her yelling about him kissing someone else. He felt his heart stop. He had kissed someone else? On the next snap was a picture of him keeled over vomiting on his shoes with the caption saying, ‘are yall seeing this shit?’ Harry was embarrassed but he was more concerned than anything.

His head was hurting but it didn't stop him from rolling out of bed, washing up, and putting on a fresh set of clothes. He checked his phone hoping Y/N had messaged him but nothing was there. He walked into the kitchen only to see luca sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“Hey Harry….” Luca said warily. Luca pushed the cereal around his bowl feeling the tension begin to rise in the room. He felt horrible about his friends.

“Luca...what's up?” Harry was confused by Lucas' wariness.

“So do you remember anything about last night?” Luca asked, setting his cereal down in the sink behind him. Harry started playing with the frayed edges of a bracelet Y/N made for him. It had little beads with her name on it. They made them together at an event on campus.

“I don't, I only saw the videos of Y/N screaming at me. I think I fucked up but I- I don't know what happened.” Harry's cheek flushed with even more embarrassment. Luca awkwardly chuckled scratching the back of his neck.

“You got dared to kiss the hottest girl in the room and um actually did it in front of Y/N...even though she didn't want you to. Which led you guys outside and yeah you know the rest...Im sorry dude, I wish I had stopped you.”

“Who- who did I kiss?” Harrys stomach lurched when he heard Yara’s name come out of Lucas' name. Y/N didn't like Yara and it was understandable. Yara has been pining after Harry since their first year of college. Harry couldn't breathe. He felt disgusted with himself. He could only imagine how Y/N was feeling.

Y/N woke up the same morning, eyes puffy and crusty from tears and head hurting. She probably cried herself into dehydration. She was lucky enough to have no roommate because she wouldn't have wanted someone else to see her breakdown. She still couldn't believe last night went down the way it went down. She couldn't tell if she was just being overdramatic or if her emotions were in the right place. She didn't want to be mad at Harry. He was everything to her, she had an odd connection to him. Meeting him during their freshman welcome week they quickly became best friends with a growing romantic connection in the mix. They started dating before Christmas break. They had grown close so fast that he even came home with her to meet her family for the first few days of break. Even though they were in their junior year of college, Y/N could see them beyond college. She's imagined them getting married, travelling, sharing a home. She saw the whole future with him. She had her doubts though. He was immature just like every other boy in college. He was dumb with his actions and tended to only do things if they benefited him. He had a lot of growing to do as a person, so did she but she wanted to grow with him.

She heard a knock on her door hesitating to answer it because one, it could be Harry, and two, she looked like a wreck. Answering anyways, she was met with a very sorry looking Harry holding a small coffee and bagel from their cafe.

“Hi baby…” He sheepishly said holding out the items. She silently let him through the door not once looking him in the eye. He stepped into her room, setting her treats on her desk. He could see that her bed was messy meaning she recently woke up. Y/N never went about her day without making her bed. He turned back to her and finally their eyes met. He took in all of her facial features, from her puffy eyes, to her downturned lips that looked chapped, to her flushed cheeks that longed to be held for warmth. He hated to see her like this, the last time he saw her so upset was when her parents moved out of her childhood home. It took alot to make Y/N this upset. She was normally really headstrong and vigilant. She knew how to ease her way out of problematic situations and could talk her way through anything.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Y/N holding her hand up in front of his face. “Don't talk. I'm really hurt Harry, so if your plan was to come over here and apologize over bagels- think again.” She snapped, backing up to put space between the two of them. She sat down on her bed while Harry pulled the desk chair out and sat down. He much preferred to be on the bed with her holding her tight but he didn't want to overstep boundaries.

“Love, I don't know where to begin. I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and obviously wasn't in the right headspace.” Harry reached out and touched the tips of her fingers with his. She wanted to move but it felt good to be touched by Harry.

“I told you that a measly little apology won't do Harry. I didn't want you to kiss Yara and you did anyway. You know how Yara feels about you and you just let it happen!” She pulled her hand away remembering the prior night's events. Harry felt himself getting angry too. He felt like he needed to defend himself- even though it would be a very bad idea.

“I think you're being over dramatic.” Wrong move Harry. “It wasn't like I was making out with her!”

“You're joking right?” She scoffed and scooted further up her bed to create more distance. “Harry it's the simple fact that you did something that made me uncomfortable that shouldn't have even happened. I see myself getting married to you and it makes me worry that right now in our relationship you can't respect my boundaries!” She yelled. Harry’s eyes widened as he laughed sarcastically.

“Married? What the fuck are you on about? I'm a junior in college. In what world would it make sense for me to be prepping a relationship for marriage? Once again I think you're being over dramatic.” Her eyes watered hearing Harry's statement.

“I- I guess I'm the only one in this relationship thinking about the future? I thought we were on the same page. I'm not planning our marriage now, obviously. I'm thinking about how elements of our relationship now could play out in the future when we do want to get married. You cheated on me last night. I went to a party you begged ME to go to only to be there for you. I wanted to be here cuddling with you, pigging out on fast food but I was at a party with you and got cheated on!” Her volume rises once again, making Harry shove his chair from underneath him when he stands up.

“You're doing too much right now. I'm not planning a future right now because I don't want this future! I want to be myself without thinking about how to appease my girlfriend. I invited you to the party so you could lighten the fuck up. I love you, I do, but I'm not thinking of marriage and futures. I'm thinking about my life right now and having fun.” Harry snapped right back at her. Her chin wobbled. Obviously her and Harry were on different pages. It hurt so much to hear him say that he didn't want a future with her. Harry didn't mean it though.

“Ok, well I guess that's my fault for assuming we were thinking along the same lines. Um, I don't want to hold you back from being yourself so with that being said, you are a free man Harry.” She pushed herself up from her bed walking to the door ready to escort Harry out.

“Huh? Love, what?” Harry was confused on how they got to this point. Just a few days ago they were in love, meeting in the library to share a lunch and exchanging sweet words determined by their love.

“Listen I have a day full of exams tomorrow so if you could just leave that would be best. You don't really want this so I'm letting you go, Harry.” She had tears rolling down her face, falling from her eyes down to her chin where they fell to the ground in droplets. Harry’s eyes welled up watching his love cry before him.

“I don't-”

“Harry, leave, please.” She opened the door making room for him to go through. He walked through the door turning to look at her. She turned her face away from him whispering a small goodbye before shutting the door. Harry was left in the silent hallway, so silent he could hear his thoughts and the tears hitting the tile floor beneath him. He thinks he stood there for at least thirty more minutes before accepting what had happened and walking away.

Leaving Y/N in her room sobbing like she had never done before. Her tears coated her face and she thought her head could explode right then and there. She didn't want to accept what had happened but she had priorities. She composed herself enough to start studying for her exams.

The week rolled by quickly, Monday meeting Friday in a flash. Exams were done and Christmas break was on the horizon. Students were piling off of campus in a hurry ready to get home to their loved ones. People were outside by cars loading up their winter necessaries and saying their goodbyes to their close friends.

Harry cried everyday this week. He wasn't normally a crier. He hated crying, he hated the feeling of crying and the headache that came from it. He cried because he realized how wrong he was. He missed Y/N. He missed finals week dinner together where they tried to get off campus at least once and be alone for a moment. He missed watching her relax while eating food that wasn't from their school's cafeteria. He would pay for their meal just so she could have one less thing to worry about. They would normally get frozen yogurt right after too, Y/N getting as many toppings as she wanted because Harry would be the one paying. He missed her tight after exam hugs. She would squeeze his shoulders tight, smiling into his neck, telling him how proud she was of him. She would bring him tea in the morning when they met for breakfast. Sometimes they would spend the night in one or the others room so they could have time together to destress and just talk.

Y/N wasn't doing any better. She normally went into exam week feeling confident. She studied too hard not to. But this week she felt like shit. Her heart hurt and she kept thinking about the fight. She feels like she overreacted but hearing Harry talk about their lack of a future hurt nonetheless. She really assumed that they did have a future that included marriage and a life together. She didn't understand where his sudden lack of commitment came from. She regretted dumping him but at the same time she wished he did more to get them back together but he was silent. He hasn't contacted her at all and avoided all of their spots on campus all together.

She stood by her car prepping for her six hours car ride back home. Packing away her clothes and some essentials in the trunk of her car, she heard light footsteps behind her. Closing her trunk she turned to see Harry standing with his hands in his pockets.

“Hi.” He said. She looked at him, putting her own hands in her pockets. It was cold outside, the nippy air hinting at a possibility of snow.

“Hi Harry.” They shared a moment of silence together. Just staring at each other. It felt good to be near each other again. They felt like they could breathe again.

“I had to see you before you left. I know the break is only a month but I didn't want to leave without seeing you.” He replied quietly. She made him feel so shy. Her beauty always made him awestruck. Even in a hoodie with their college's logo and some large sweatpants and some fuzzy crocs, she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I don't know what to say harry.”

“It's ok. I don't deserve anything from you after what I said. I just wanted to apologize and wish you a good break before you left. I also wanted to give you this.” He pulled a small box and envelope out of the front pocket of his backpack. “I know we agreed on no presents but I think thats a dumb rule and I love you too much to not get you something.” She smiled at his words, taking the gift from his hands.

“Thank you Harry, it means a lot to me. So what are your plans for a break?” She asked him, the tension that was in the air slowly dissipating.

“I couldn't get a flight home until next wednesday so i'll stay here on campus until then.” He shrugged.

“Oh ok. Well tell Anne I said hi. I have to go Harry but I'll see you after the break, ok?” She didn't want to leave him but she didn't want to drive through the dark.

“Ok, love. Drive safe. I lov- I mean have a good break.” Her chest tightened at his hesitation. She wants to hear him say the words but she knows he won't.

“Have a good break Harry.” She whispered. Before getting in her car she stood on her toes placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek and turning away and into her car.

She drove away knowing that her heart was left in that parking lot in the hands of someone she loves way too much.

Harry stood in the parking lot watching his heart drive away for winter wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Part two

#harry styles x reader #frat!harry #i carry your heart #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles x y/n #college!harry #part 2 coming soon #harry styles smut #fratrry #boyfriend!harry

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aguecheek · 2 years

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recently realised shakespeare is actually kind of very good & i've seen very few actually good productions of his work. i want to watch more of his work but i have no idea where to start and i'd prefer to avoid films where possible, so are there any recordings on youtube or some google drive or anywhere else online of productions that you know are good, or if not any movie adaptations you think are alright? btw, your blog is pretty cool!!

I completely get the struggle--good shakespeare is unfortunately pretty hard to come by out in the world. I'd love to give some suggestions!! This is gonna be pretty non-comprehensive unfortunately bc most of the best Shakespeare I've seen is...live </3 but I'll give u some places to start, anyway!

So I know you said you'd like to steer clear of movies, and I totally get that bc I honestly do the same, so I'm only gonna rec one:

Baz Luhrman's Romeo + Juliet is genuinely a fantastic adaptation. It's well-acted, well conceived, and it's genuinely just fun to watch all around, and Shakespeare should (above all else, imo) be fun to watch.

Now some non-movies!!

I've no doubt you've encountered it bc it's everywhere, but the Much Ado About Nothing with David Tennant and Catherine Tate is an absolute delight any day of the year.

A lot of Shakespeare companies started offering online programming because of the pandemic, and some of them are still doing it! American Shakespeare Center has a few of their plays available for virtual ticket purchase (I recommend Henry V and Macbeth, I wasn't a huge fan of their All's Well but I'm also not a huge fan of All's Well in general, so take my word or don't) (it says that Macbeth isn't available for some reason but if you poke around on the website the links lead you to you can still purchase it from the calendar I think? Technology is weird, I dunno)

If you're in the UK (or have a VPN that can set ur location to the UK) then the RSC's 2021 Winter's Tale is available until April (so hurry up if u wanna see it lol)

Along that line, RSC has a lot of their stuff recorded and on DVD, so if there's a particular play you're dying to see, they've probably got a version of it, and given that it's the RSC, it's probably at least a comprehensible and well-acted version (everyone's got opinions abt the RSC and I'm no exception, but whatever I think, I've seen them do some damn good stuff so I say go for it) (just make sure, if ur gonna buy a DVD, that it's compatible with ur DVD player, I think their more recent stuff is region 0 but I'm not sure, and it's caused issues for me in the past!!)

If you've ever seen a good Shakespeare play, it's worth checking the company that did it to see if they've got any online programming as well! Look for shows in your area, try to find a company that does classics, maybe look for some outdoor Shakespeare once we hit summer (great thing abt outdoor Shakespeare is that its usually free and you can just leave whenever if you're not enjoying it) and take a chance on a college production or two? They can surprise you

I think that's it for now, I'm sorry I don't have more to offer but unfortunately, I just happened to get lucky with a few really excellent local sources, so I don't have much to offer in terms of what's available online. If anyone has anything to add, please reblog and add on, I'm always looking for more recs, and I'm sure anon is too. Thanks so much for dropping by the blog!!!

#askdrew #shakespeare tag #long post #sorry if this isn't what u were looking for anon i hope it was helpful anyway!!!#good luck to u and if u ever wanna talk shakespeare or ask my opinions on something dont hesitate to drop another ask or dm me!!#i love talking shakespeare any hour of the day

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travlersjoy444 · 2 years

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Saw ur reblog so uh 4, 16, 25, 35 and 39, ITS ALOT I KNOW BUT IM JUST REALLY CURIOUS, and i wanna learn from you cause you're one of my faves😭😭😭

-🦋

I'm happy to answer! (And thank you, you're literally so sweet my dude! :))

4.) Q: What's a word that makes me go feral?

A: Hissed. I love how it can imply a very serious scene while also reminding me of a cat- like 'Hunter hissed' could mean he's in pain, but it could also mean he makes cat sounds when angered. It's just very amusing to me. My other top word is dreary, simply because of my love for rain, clouds, and the cozy gloom of writing on a dreary afternoon...(I know, I'm being overly poetic-)

16.) Q: What's the weirdest thing I've used as a bookmark?

A: Probably steampunk goggles. Or maybe that one steampunk Monster High doll. In case you couldn't tell, I like steampunk stuff.

25.) Q: What is a weird hyper-specific detail I know about one of my characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

A: Darling, I have a whole list! But to spare your time, I'll just share a few.

My OC, Finn Basilton, wears lipgloss instead of chapstick. He says it's more fun to wear, but would never ever tell anyone. It's like a really dumb secret.

Romina Aster -another OC- really wants a motorcycle. She'll get one someday, but long after the story is over.

(Y/N) in 'Masks and Bets' is much more focused on magic than combat. I also like to think their dad is a bard, but that's just because my dad would probably be a bard. (He has a huge collection of instruments and a personality like Gomez Addams. He'd love to be a bard.)

35.) Q: What's my favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

A: Whenever people say "don't use the word 'said'" I just...feel mental pain. 'Said' is an invisible word, much like 'he, she, they, etc...'. When you use another word, you have to mean it, because it isn't invisible. It stand out and means something, which is great in certain contexts, buuut.....

'"Hi, how are you?" She mumbled happily' vs '"Hi, how are you?" She said'

I can't stand re-reading my old works where I'd misuse words like 'groaned' or 'muttered'- just use 'said'. It's okay to use 'said'.

39.) A: What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Q: Honestly, just the fact that I get ideas. Like, I'll have writers block, but then I'll see an awesome line of dialogue in a twine game and will just...itch to write! I have ADHD so motivation can be a huge problem, but I have too many ideas to contain in my head- like, you know when you find a really cool fact and just...tell it to everyone? (No? Just me?) Because if you do, then that's how writing is for me.

However. Sometimes I just can't get over a hurdle, or I'll hate how a story is going. For instance, my OtGW fic. I still love the fic, but I've learned to be okay with putting it on the shelf for a bit. I work on rewriting it slowly but surely, and maybe by next Halloween, 'Fleeting Austice' will finally be finished satisfactorily. In other words, I just give myself some grace and be okay with being a bit slow. At least I'm writing, even if it's just one sentence a day! I read some quote by Neil Gaiman- I don't recall the exact words, but it was something like 'Inspiration won't make you a writer, dedication will.' So when I'm miserable and uninspired, I just...add another word.

And *big secret*- 'An Oath to Keep' was one of the stories I struggled with. I was completely devoid of inspiration and absolutely sick of it- And I wasn't even past a thousand words. But I painstakingly added more, bit by bit- not even all on my laptop even! I wrote the face reveal scene on my notes app at a family diner because I was bored, and was later pleased to find out that it fixed a few plotholes and added a cool plotpoint- that was how I got the everlasting oath idea in the first place! I'm still not totally pleased with how it turned out, but that leads into my last bit of advice-

You're pretty much always going to be your own harshest critic. I'm 85% sure we all do that. But glaring problems through an author's eyes....usually aren't actually problems. Keep that in mind.

TL,DR: Just keep writing, just keep writing, just keep writing writing writing....

*******

Thanks for asking! Sorry for how long the last answer was, I hope you find some advice that might help you!

#writebrl #writers block #writing #writerblr

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heffrondriving · 2 years

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I'm sorry if this is a little assholely but after seeing your vent post I went looking for where you said to not tag names and the only place I saw it was at the end of your very long tags,, so assuming i didnt miss another more obvious place...? Have you thought of just putting that in the post itself? Because anyone who's seeing it second hand (as in seeing it after someone else rebloged it) won't see that tag + not everyone reads tags, you know :( sorry that it makes you uncomfortable but if you put it somewhere more visible, like in the body of the post, then at least people def will see it. Sending love either way 💕

nahhh nothing to be sorry for issall totally cool and encouraged and you are very kind,, tbh i was lowkey waiting around for something like this and i'm kinda glad for it and also surprised it's not at least fifty times worse??? in all honesty i think i am in dire need and deserving of the hardest dose of criticism at this point for all the stupid messy personal posts i make on a sleep-deprived whim, as i am fully aware that this is not the place for it, and i am and should never be exempt from getting my necessary comeuppance should it arise. and like i said, this quandary was completely of my own fault. i have made my stance on personal comfort posts clear numerous times before and only put them in subtler places like the end of my annoying-ass rambly tags because i really don't wanna bother people with something that sounds so trivially inconsequential, and it makes me incredibly anxious to add them in the post itself (as i reckon it just outright ruins the whole content and that's such a selfish and gross thing for me to do personally,, like who tf am i to ask anything of anyone ech :-/). but this is still my sole responsibility to properly handle and conduct myself online, and i'm so sorry if i came across like i'm attempting to pass the blame for my own self-implicated neglect, as no one else should be subject to dealing with my mistakes. (like no joke i screamed aloud when i read that you looked through my posts or tags??? PLS LICHRALLY NEVER DO THAT EVER THAT'S A VV BAD IDEA ACTUAL ONLINE EQUIVALENT OF DUMPSTER DIVING VIBES EXCEPT THE DUMPSTER'S ON FIRE AND CAUSES MAJOR BRAINROTOFFISITIS!!!!! (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`))

i've had a well-needed rest hrk composed myself, deleted my prev post (i'm also thinking of removing the post that spurred it just to be sure, t'was super terrible anyway lmao), and muted my notifs for the time being, so please do feel free to tag anything however you wish at this point—i know i'm making an absolute fool out of myself for this full 180 departure (just in time for april 1st tho so swings and roundabouts-) but yeah that's completely fine idk, and if my walnut brain has anything otherwise to say abt it they will be catching These Hands according to the Fists Of Fury Code!!!!! ᕦ(ò皿óᕦ) but in all seriousness, emotional dysregulation is the absolute worst but i understand that maybe i can't really set boundaries for something fully well out of my control, so i just give up the ghost on this bc what else is there to do. c'est la vie if it sucks for me, tough shit @ self tough it out bebs u asked for this :^) though i hopefully can, however, keep everything else out of sight and out of mind so that i don't have to deal with the self-imposed repercussions by willingly setting my triggers off and lashing out incessantly. like mmm that's toxic shit girlie no one wants that here bls get u some therapy pare *whaps myself with an abaniko fan*. it's 100% on me if i choose to expand the tags on my notifs, and what happens in other ppl's blogs should be none of my fucking business and i'm just a super nosy lurker goblin sometimes ig exhibit a: this is what being a chronic cave hermit does to the human psyche. irreversible damage u.......*steven he voice* EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!!!!! my sincerest apologies again for all the trouble and i really hope this answer doesn't come off as too sardonic or acerbic or anything of the sort, i know i goof a lot but i really do mean all of it, even if trying to convey appropriate tone indication in text form is so whack 😩

also i'm really sorry for this mf ten-volume novel series of an answer (i really hope no one's insane enough to actually read this....whatever the hell this is .-.). thank you so much for your patience and understanding, and please keep the love and give it to another funky cool blog who's worthy of it and not deserving of getting squished like a pestilent vermin under your steel-toed bootheel!! /lh ~(இ௰இ~) anywayyy let's ignore (slash unfollow hardblock permanent dni etc. etc....very good ideas, those, bc if i could block myself i would without hesitation smh get this chernobyl elephant's foot outta my feed) this and my other inane bullshittery and let bygones be bygones and go back to our silly manband content, shall we??? this blog is for no-braincell shits and pure dumbassery first and foremost i promise......also i have more poorly-made sh!tposts and kendall's pretty grampa face stuff which i wanna plague the btr tag with if that's still allowed pls ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

(^^^ i can't believe i actually got to use this gif for something sdjsfjksd)

#tbh i'm genuinely shocked i'm not getting more hatemail at this point (this is an implicit urge to action!) bc lawd gawd i am obnoxious??#you know when you say things and the moment it leaves your mouth you instantly know that you fucked up??? that is me all the time #i have zero filter and it gets the best of me and i just really need ppl to tell me to shut tf up so this is good. more of this is good #i'll delete this too just so it wouldn't clutter up the feed i'm so sorry ahh ;-;#full disclosure there was another ask regarding this matter that i never answered bc it got washed out of my slow braim and by the time i #remembered it felt too uncomfortably late to respond yk so. i hope this could be some kinda reparation #fr why do i look forward to getting slammed down;;; watching me get my ass kicked is cathartic ngl. painful and tr//um//tic but still >:3 #this is what u get allen!!! hoshit here comes the undertaker with a folding chair ready to body avalanche the weak spine outta u hofuckk #i'm rambling nonsense in tags again when this answer already has no right being this long sorry drank too much coffee fushfuahj #anon #all the windows down #do pretty girl don't speak

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nikkoliferous · 4 years

Text

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram:

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all.

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy

Just wanna remind everyone that this

is why he’s smiling during this scene

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring.

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger

Honestly, though, big mood.

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway.

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather.

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is.

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess…

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD.

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit.

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

#phase one: thor #loki meta #thor meta #odin's a+ parenting #frigga's b+ parenting #topic: thor and loki's broken relationship #loki #thor #heimdall #lady sif #the warriors 3 #jane foster #ragnarok cinematic universe #mcu #topic: asgardian hypocrisy #topic: asgardian militarism #topic: odin's family dynamic

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grace-sully · 4 years

Text

We're Never Playing This Game Again

* this is not my gif; all credit goes to the owner

Pairing: John B x Reader

Warnings: drunken pogues? But not that drunk, mentions of sex

Word count: 1,669

Summary: It's a summer night, and the Pogues plays a little game of never have i ever with a side of a few beverages

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

John B was expecting a messy night. It was the first day of summer, and the atmosphere around the campfire at the back of the chateau was as peaceful as can be.

However, as soon as he saw Pope and Kie step into the threshold of the chateau, armed with crates of beer and pizza boxes, he was expecting the crazy kind of trouble that came from drinking too much alcohol like all of the other times the lively group got together and drank and smoked the night away.

Like the one time, JJ challenged everyone to fight him as he had recently been watching Kung Fu videos on youtube and believed he could take on all of you Pogues, all for JJ to dislocate his shoulder when he tried to throw Kie to the ground.

Or the time when Kie had a breakdown and was hysterically crying because she realised fish and most ocean life had to live their lives without arms.

Or when Pope spilled his bottle of beer over himself and it went on his socks, and him being the genius he is, decided that the quickest way to dry them off was to put them in the microwave only for everyone to find out by Kie yelling “who the fuck is cooking a sock?”.

He was expecting all of that craziness and even more.

Instead, mellowed-out Pogues, all too tired from a day of surfing lounged out by the fire pit outside of the chateau, stuffing their faces with pizza and washing it all down afterwards with beer.

And these nights with you, were what he looks forward to most when thinking about summer. Where you both can’t get enough of each other. Spending the long days surfing, on the H.M.S Pogue, wandering aimlessly around The Cut, hanging out with the other Pogues were all that John B loved about summer.

But if he was being honest with himself, he looks forward to falling asleep with you most and waking up entangled in each other's arms and getting touchy with each other. He loved having your arms wrapped tightly around him. never wanting to let go of you, to never stop loving you. Wanting to defend you, keep you safe forever.

You were tucked into your boyfriends side, his arm draped over your shoulders, talking to Kie, recounting the story of the time she got a ‘Karen’ come into The Wreck while she was working one day and how JJ had to step in and try to resolve the problem. However, resolving in JJ’s instance, was to annoy the ‘Karen’ even more to where she walked out screaming that she would ‘never return to the establishment again’. The whole of your body relaxed as you retold the story giggling between sentences.

It only takes twenty minutes after the last piece of pizza is eaten for JJ to make his way into the chateau, only to return with an expensive bottle of whiskey in hand, which you presumed he brought with him that was properly stolen from his dad’s stash, and enough shot glasses for all of you to have one each, for the night to go downhill.

“Alright,” he says as he returns, pausing as he makes his way to the centre of the group, “who wants to play never have I ever?”

Whenever the Pogues were together, secluded from the world, with a crate of any type of alcohol, the urge to play drinking games was always strong.

You, Kie and Pope instantly agreed to JJ’s suggestion. Hearing everyone's embarrassing tales always made you laugh to the point of tears.

John B however, exhales, scrunching up his nose. Not in the mood to play and drinking games. And just wanting to savour the cool, starlight sky with the light music playing over the crackling sounds of the campfire and the playful laughs coming from his best friends around him.

Still, he entertains JJ’s idea, readying himself for a few rounds of burning liquid down his throat and ridiculous questions that he has to admit to.

JJ starts, since he suggested the game, looking around at the Pogues before his eyes zero in on you and Kie. “Never have I ever worn a bra.”

“Really?” You narrow your eyes at JJ, refilling your glass, while Kie mutters words of protest at the blonde boy, who can’t contain his smug smile and giggles. You roll your eyes, both of you taking your first drink alongside each other.

You think of the next question almost instantly, looking at the two who you were directing the question to “Never have I ever gone surfing in the middle of a storm.”

John B thinks you were holding onto that one for a while.

Pope catches your eye from across the campfire, waving a hand dismissively at your obvious jab towards him and your boyfriend.

“No way, you surfed the surge?” JJ asked, impressed, but a little hurt that he wasn’t there to join them.

“Yeah,”

“That's my boy. Pogue style,” JJ leaned over and patted Pope on the back of the shoulder. He obviously hit it too hard, however, because as soon as JJ removed his hand, Pope whipped around and rubbed where JJ had made contact.

John B eyed the shot glasses lined up in front of him warily. Picking it up, he drinks it at once alongside Pope, rolling his eyes at the mocking cheer that erupts around his friends, as they both successfully swallowed the amber liquid.

You pinch at the skin that is revealed when he leans forward, to put the glass down. To which he does the same back to you, smirking in retaliation.

The game continues on with more questions. Each round getting less and less serious and leading into everyone’s personal secrets. Everyone trying to one-up the last, in more efforts to embarrass each other.

More than once have you had to hide your blushing cheeks, and knowing smile behind the rim of the shot glass you drank from because of the invasive question asked by the overly curious Pogues.

John B lets himself get lost in his friend’s exchanges and participation in the game. Basking in the conversations and laughter that is happening around him. His warm hand slips beneath your shirt and presses you closer into him, rubbing soothing circles on the skin of your hip.

You return the gesture by leaning back into him, moulding yourself into his side, and turning in his grasp to give him a quick peck on the lips. Noticing that he has been relatively quiet throughout the game, only speaking to ask a question for the group.

“You okay?” you ask so only he can hear you. He lightly smiles at you and nods. Squeezing you tighter to him. You take this as his ‘okay’, rolling your head back onto his shoulder, listening back into the group, just as JJ asked another question.

“Alright, alright. I’ve got one,” he spoke up, causing the rest of the group to give all of their attention to him, “Never have I ever, had sex in public.”

You down your drink without really thinking, suddenly feel your boyfriend's entire body still as you settle back into him. He halted the movements his hand made along the skin of your hip. Looking up at his face, you see red creeping itself upon his neck, across his face and up to his ears, whether from remembering the intimate memory of you two, or being embarrassed by it being brought up in his group of friends.

One hot day on The Cut lead you and John B taking a ride out on the H.M.S. Pogue together, spending the day listening to music, drinking beer and enjoying each other's company. Kie and Pope had to spend the day working, and JJ was busy doing JJ things leaving the two of you to do whatever you pleased without interruptions from anyone else.

This led to many, many make out sessions and more. On the boat, on the beach and in the water.

All he could imagine was flashes of sweat-slick skin and hurried kisses. How you fit into his body, your chest flush against his chest. the way you pressed up against him in the water. Shaking, trembling, panting into the skin of his shoulder.

“Oh, what have you two been up to then?,” JJ playfully jabs, bringing John B out of his own head, with a bright smirk plastered across his face. Proud of himself that he's caught his friends out.

Kie takes the lead in the friendly interrogation, giggling as she gestures towards the both of you with an open hand. “You guys wanna share?”

You just shrug, “Not particularly, no,” you declare, leaning over to grab the bottle from Pope to fill another shot and down it in less than no time, “I’m not drunk enough for this anyway.”

“You’ve gotta tell us now!” Pope wails, trying to keep in his laughter for long enough to stutter the sentence. Extending his hand out towards the red faced couple to exaggerate his point.

John B could die from the overwhelming weight of his embarrassment on his shoulders. And he can tell you’re also regretting taking the shot after JJ asked the question in the way you fall further into him, hands coming up to cover your face in humiliation.

“We’re not part of this conversation,” John B sighs, trying to change the conversation topic. Too embarrassed that his friends know a secret that was just meant for you and him to know. And too turned on thinking about the memory about you and him, now just wanting the night to be over so he can be alone with you.

You shake your head, speaking into your hands, letting out a long groan.

Kie and Pope stop cackling for long enough to splutter at the same time, “you took the shot!”

“We are never playing this game again”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it, please give it a reblog and leave some love <3

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totopopopo · 3 years

Text

Tagged by @spinalgirl !!!💖🫀

why did you chose your url? - it was a nickname my family had for my old dog, we would say it in a funny voice tripping out the syllables at him haha. he was such a good boy his name was Otis so I guess it went like Otis -> Tito -> Toto -> totopo -> totopopopo etc. Also totopos are a kind of tortilla chip

any side blogs? - no lmao I have no idea what the point of a side blog is. Like just use ur regular blog?

how long have you been on tumblr? - I joined when I was 12 so uhhh 9 years?

do you have a queue tag? - lmao no what the literal fuck is the point of a queue I find them just ridiculously dumb just. reblog the post when u see it ? this blog isn’t catered to other people idc about you fools this is for me to dump 600 posts at once and then dip

why did you start your blog in the first place? - I was uhhhhh into Sherlock. Also I was a nerdy 12 year old in 2012 so the culture appealed to me (rip)

why did you chose your icon? - Tod @alientoastt said I could pick a piece of his art for them to edit for pride so I searched their blog like a catalogue and found this one of Jonny which is INCREDIBLY good and is My Gender which is good for pride and Tod did the rest! Thank you Tod

why did you chose your header? - Mikhail Vrubel’s Six-Winged Seraph (Azrael) !!!! As y’all know for my religion major I have a concentration in religious art and I did a research project last year on angels in Christian artwork and I found this artist from the early 1900s who I really loved who did a LOT of gorgeous angels and he studied old Byzantine icons and repainted them in his youth he’s just a cool guy and I love the color palate of this one a lot!!!! I have a lot to say about it in general

what’s your post with the most notes? - I believe it’s my happy birthday trans people post from tdov?

how many mutuals do you have? - I don’t know???? Are people supposed to know these things?????? How on earth would I know this

how many followers do you have? - 545 but with your help we can get it to 666. Hail Satan

how many people are you following? - 273 but a lot are inactive I think

have you ever made a shitpost? - every post I’ve ever made was shit

how often do you use tumblr each day? - too much :/ I’m always here :// better than Twitter tho

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? - MANY, yeah. Remember when that one dude said I was homophobic , just pretending to be a lesbian, and obviously a TERF because I said Elias Bouchard was a Tory shithead? Lmao. The most recent tumblr fight I got into was about Dante Alighieri

how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? - posts like that give me INCREDIBLY intense anxiety and I resent them immensely. I feel like I have to reblog them or something bad will happen, but the knowledge that my doing that would cause another person to potentially feel that way is how I’m able to circumvent that impulse. I hate them they suck

do you like tag games? - yea I like talking about myself

do you like ask games? - yea I like talking about myself

which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous - I dunno tod probably is the most in terms of famous for reasons that he deserves. Although I know he doesn’t think of himself as famous and I don’t really either. Maybe Ruth @thedreadvampy bc she has notoriety as well but again, I know she doesn’t think it herself as famous and I don’t either?? She’s just Ruth my cool cool friend Ruth who I look up to so much like the into the spider verse meme and who is the reason I’m partway through s1 of riverdale (which is Compelling....... it’s a compelling show). Maybe rumi @milfkarlmarx is tumblr famous but idk if famous is the right word I think y’all are just parasocial

do you have a crush on a mutual? - I mean I’m dating Kisaiya @spinalgirl so does that count

Tagging anyone who wants to do this bc I’m abt to eat crepes and I would rather do that than tag people xxx but if u wanna do it please just say I tagged u I don’t care! :)

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curiousconch · 3 years

Text

Gravity

Chapter 5 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU)

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Synopsis: As Heather struggles to decide how to move forward, she and Bryce gets embroiled in a night full of revelations.

Pairing: Rafael Aveiro x MC (Dr. Heather Song) | Bryce Lahela x MC (Dr. Heather Song)

Words: 2.7k+ | Genre: Crime, Mystery, Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / language and a bucket heap of angst (maybe more)

Author’s Notes: I will expect some hate towards all the drama, but a love triangle is always a complex subject to deal with. In reality, navigating through it does not spare any of the hearts being broken at some point or another, because of the level of humanity that gets exposed when love isn’t returned. I know that firsthand.So this chapter is somewhat taken from that very real experience. But I promise, there’s purpose at the end 🌈🙂

This was inspired by IMHO, one of the angstyiest songs ever produced in the face of the earth - Gravity by Sara Bareilles. Also, disclaimer: majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song and an OC villain Jordan Anderson.

Thanks for taking the time to share and read this ❤ BTW, are you Team Bryce or Team Rafael? Let me know in your reblogs!

Rafael tucked his cold hands inside the pockets of his jacket as he kicked a random rock from the sidewalk. He badly wanted to sleep, but he can't. He can't stop thinking about what he's done to Heather, and about how he much he hurt her.

He can't stand staying in his apartment due to the memories that flooded each corner, couldn't even bear to clean up the pieces of shattered glass from that night. So that cold night, he decided to sulk in the middle of the crowd. At least, he wouldn't be alone.

He arrived at Donahues, and nodded to a few regular patrons as he approached the bar. He asked Reggie for a bottle of beer, and settled himself on one of the stools.

As he was about to take a sip, he heard a voice nearby. He could single out that voice anywhere, so his eyes immediately darted towards the direction of a nearby booth. Once he found who he was looking for his gut twisted in knots. He knew that silhouette like the back of his hand.

There she was, leaning on an old jukebox, a glass of cocktail in hand. His heart jumped inside his rib cage, excitement at the sight of her flooding in. He twisted himself to stand, but abruptly stopped as he saw a tall figure approach her.

Even in the dim light, she saw her brilliant smile as she looked up at the guy. He instantly felt like an idiot all over again.

A fast-paced song flooded through the speakers. He saw Bryce offer a hand to her, which she happily took. Rafael saw them dance to the beat, laughter filling the gaps in between. He noticed a new spring in Heather's step, taking him back to the first time he brought her home to his grandmother. It was the same night when he taught her how to dance samba, with only the moon and the dim street lights illuminating their movements. The very night he decided to pursue Heather - the only woman who embraced him at the time when all he could offer was himself, a woman whom at first he thought as entirely out of his league.

All of those fading memories suddenly returned in full color, now when that same woman is dancing with anyone but him. Now it wasn't his hands holding her, it wasn't him who's making her laugh, it was no longer him who made her smile. Instead, he became the cause of her pain.

He looked away, the idea of Heather being with someone else becoming more unbearable by the second. He leaned heavily on the bar and chugged the rest of his beer, before asking for another bottle. He covered his face with the palms of his hands, as the pain of his guilt pricked him inside like a fresh wound.

When the tune ended, he looked back at Heather and didn't immediately find her.

"Rafael?" he stopped as he recognized who just said his name. He wanted to ignore her. But deep down all he wanted was to make amends and be hers again. So despite his shame, he turned to face the music.

"Heather," he straightened himself up, sobering when he saw the shine in her eyes. "How are you?"

"I'm doing fine," her icy tone was like salt to his open scar.

"Can we talk?"

"Why, so you could come up with another of your lame excuses?" she leaned away from him as she ordered a round of shots.

"I deserved that," Rafael rubbed the back of his neck. He stepped closer, fixated in trying not to touch her. "Heather, please, just this once."

"Okay," Heather said before she even had the time to think. She couldn’t help herself, she was still drawn to him, and she cursed herself for it. One moment with him seemed to decimate all of her fragile strength. "Let me just bring this over to the guys and then I'll meet you outside," she turned before walking away, "but you get only 10 minutes, then we're done."

“That’s more than enough for me,” he nodded. He trailed her with his eyes before he went outside, finding an empty table in the back garden.

Heather handed out the shots among Jackie, Aurora, Sienna, Elijah and Bryce while she explained the situation. Bryce almost choked halfway through his tequila when she mentioned Rafael. It was as if a bucket of cold water just washed over him. He made an effort to keep his cool, while he internally battled with his desire to stop her from going back to him.

Heather was able to make a read on Bryce’s sudden silence though. He was full of life just a few minutes ago, when he twirled her around as they danced together. She was almost certain that he wanted to interject, but chose not to interfere.

“You really wanna do this?” Aurora broke the quiet that fell upon their booth.

”I don’t know if it’s the best thing for me,” Heather replied, ruffling her bangs. “Maybe? I think I just owe it to myself to hear him out.”

“Well if it helps you both in the long run, I say you should go,” Sienna said as she offered a comforting squeeze on Heather’s arm.

Her best friend as usual, was right. She needed to hear what Raf had to say, regardless of how they both move forward. That was all the encouragement Heather needed. She then tipped off one shot - slightly relying on the liquid courage to help her get this over with. Although there was something that seemed to anchor her on the ground, she went to find Rafael anyway.

Bryce followed her with his eyes, hoping against hope that by the end of the night he wouldn’t have to let her go again.

”Hey,” Heather sat down opposite Rafael in a corner table.

He watched her without speaking, unable to find his voice for a few moments. His chest felt heavy, conscious of the fact that the odds were stacked against him. Yet, he held onto hope, not wanting to give up so easily.

“You wanted to talk, so, talk,” she crossed her arms, and tried to put up a brave front.

He cleared his throat, delaying his response as he tried to compose a coherent offer to convince her take him back. When he found the right words in his mind, he began to speak.

"I'm not going to justify what I did, Heather. It was incredibly wrong of me to betray you and to have caused your hurt," he shifted a little, leaning closer to her, and tried reaching out for her hand. Seeing that she did not flinch, he continued.

"I can never take back what I did, and the damage I've done. But if I have to spend the rest of my life asking for your forgiveness and trying to make this work between us, I will do everything in my power to do that, meu amor," he reached out and took her hand in his. "I simply can't stand to not be with you, I love you so, so much. I still do. So if you still want this, if you still want us, I'm asking you to take me back."

Heather felt her bravado begin to dissolve with his touch. Oh how she missed the calloused hands with which he caressed her, every cell in her body seemed to betray her. She sighed deeply, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. In her heart, she wanted nothing else but to forget everything and move on. But at this point, she wasn't sure if she wanted to do that with him.

"I-I don't know, Raf," she stuttered, her eyes beginning to shimmer. It hurt that she couldn't just say yes to him again. "I know I'll be able to forgive you someday, Raf. But I'm not sure if I can choose to stay with you, for what you've done..." she concluded.

She didn't know. At least not now. That's what he heard her say. Even if there's a slight chance of her being able to forgive him, and to take him back, he'd gladly accept it.

"You don't have to answer now," he said. "Take all the time you need to think about it. I promise I won't bother you until you're already decided," he spoke gently.

"Thanks, Raf. I'll think about it." And with that, she excused herself and went back inside. She went directly to the restrooms, her head spinning. She slumped herself on a nearby wall, inhaling air deeply as if she was drowning. She felt her chest thump with her rapidly beating heart, exhausted with the encounter.

After several minutes, she composed herself and went back out, moving towards the direction of their booth. Her friends asked how it went, so she shared the general gist of it. They all agreed that it made sense, pitching in each of their own thoughts. Heather tried to listen to them, but she was distracted.

Bryce's disposition faltered a little. She noticed that something changed, leaving her bothered. She knew that there’s a reason behind the diminished sarcasm in his voice, as well as in his almost-muted cockiness. She tried to justify to herself that he probably had something to deal with at work, but couldn't completely convince herself. She didn't want to let herself swim in her own assumptions, unless until everything with Raf was settled. So she chose not to prod.

It wasn't long that they all decided to call it a night. They both walked towards his car and got in without a word to each other. She noticed that he barely even looked at her. The rest of the ride back to the condo was spent with her fidgeting with her phone, the awkward quiet gradually swallowing her whole.

When they entered the hallway, Heather couldn't hold it in anymore. She wanted answers.

"Hey Lahela, what happened there?" she asked.

With his back facing her, she couldn't see his reaction.

Bryce was stumped in place, unable to take another step forward. Damn it, reading me like an open book as always. The swirling emotions in his chest threatened to loose control. He shut his eyes closed for a few seconds, willing them away to no avail. So with clenched fists, he turned around and stared at the woman who captured his heart and threatened to unknowingly rip it apart.

"You're a smart ass woman, Heath, try to figure it out."

Heather's mouth went ajar, unsure how to process his response. "I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or as an insult, Lahela."

Bryce forced himself to walk forward, leading his steps to the liquor cabinet in the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of Jack Daniels, downing it all in one gulp.

"What's gotten into you now? Just this afternoon you gave a freaking speech about bouncing back and yada yada yada, now you're insulting me?" Heather was flustered and beyond infuriated as she followed him to the kitchen.

"I don't have to explain anything to you, not now, Heath." He poured another helping of the strong liquid, hoping it was enough to push down the rising anger within him.

Heather was hell bent in getting to the bottom of it tonight. If there was anything she valued in her life, it was honesty. And when she wants it from anyone, she won't back down.

"Yes, you do. You know fucking well that you need some explaining to do. I'm done beating around the bush with you, I'm done being in the receiving end of veiled threats, betrayals, or hidden truths. I'm not taking that crap from the one person whom I can rely on to not screw me around with lies," she pounded her fist on the wooden surface of the table separating them. "So for the last goddamn time, I'm going to ask, what the hell happened with you tonight?"

He replied by setting down his glass, the force with which he set it down cracking its bottom. All the pent up frustration within him was now manifesting unrestrained.

"Fine, you want to know what's the deal with me? You. It's you, dammit," he finally said without shame, like a contrite man in confession, his hands waving in the air.

Fuck it, I'm doing this. Friendships be damned.

"I never liked commitments in relationships because, I wanted to stay suspended in midair, always on a high," he paused, sucking in a deep breath. "For me, all that romantic crap only meant being pulled back by gravity, it's all just a whole gigantic crash and burn. Ever heard of my mother?" The mention of his own mother's selfish act still stung him to the core. "But every single time I see you, I'm more than willing to crash down to the ground for you. It's because I want you, you idiot. I wanted you ever since I met you. I wanted you so fucking much that I hid it because I wanted to stay in your life, even as only a friend."

There I said it. Bryce no longer felt suffocated, lighter, like a heavy boulder was lifted from his chest.

He watched Heather who was stunned into silence, as he tried to catch his breath. He attempted to translate the expression that suddenly filled her hazel eyes. He sighed in relief when he noticed it soften, as she began to speak.

"A little too late, Lahela," her voice was small, and her smile seem to be filled with sadness.

Bryce's eyes widened in shock, as the meaning of those five words dawned on him.

"You didn't just assume that I opened up to every man that showed interest, didn't you?" she laughed bitterly, sitting down while her knees buckled with regret. "I waited for you to make a move, Bryce. But you never did. So I thought you weren't interested. Then Raf happened."

He couldn't find his voice, confounded with what Heather was trying to tell him.

"When Rafael and I first met, I thought of his as a close friend. It wasn't love at first sight, it was a more of a slow burn. A gentle, uncomplicated but stable romance," she paused, raising her head to look him in the eyes. "But he was man enough to own up to his feelings, Bryce. He was man enough not to hold back," he watched as she bit her lip, struggling not to shiver himself. "But most of all, he didn't quit. Not like you who bailed himself out too early, too afraid to get hurt."

He took a step forward, wanting nothing but to hold her and kiss her. His confused emotions held him hostage to the spot where he was standing.

"I'm not some clueless bitch you think I am. I had an idea, but you were too busy hitting on every woman in front of me that I never thought you'd get serious with someone," she paused, her voice filled with rue and remorse. "For the so-called golden boy of Boston's DA office, you're one hell of a wimp," she rose from the table and walked away, leaving Bryce alone and regretful more than ever.

***

Bryce spent the next morning in an empty apartment. He heard Heather move around and leave at dawn to catch her early morning flight to Baltimore. But he didn't have it in him to face her. At least not yet.

Gathering the will to pull himself up from his bed, he prepared for another day at work. He mindlessly went through his routine as he processed the events of last night. He finally admitted his feelings to her, but she trampled with it with her own revelation.

Her words echoed repeatedly in his head, and he sunk within himself a little more. I waited for you to make a move, but you never did. He hated that she was right, that he was just some egotistic, self-absorbed coward who missed a hell of a shot with her. He also hated being helplessly powerless to do anything about it, her being more than 400 miles away from him.

So he instead made himself busy - preparing drafts and evidence for the various cases that was about to go to court soon.

The day was almost done when his phone began to ring incessantly. He ignored it at first, but it rang and rang until there was no the point to refuse to answer it. Sienna's name popped up on the caller ID. He sensed that something was wrong.

"Sienna?"

On the line, Bryce could hear the rising panic in her voice.

"Johns Hopkins just called Dr. Ramsey. Heather didn't show up in the research facility today. Did she chose to stay back at your place? Bryce, please tell me you know where she is?"

Tag list - @choicesficwriterscreations for Fics of the Week

Ricochet AU tags - @eleanorbloom @ramsey-lahela

#open heart #open heart 2 #open heart au #rafael aveiro #bryce lahela #choices #choices fanfiction #rafael aveiro x mc #open heart fanfiction #bryce lahela x mc #rafael x mc #bryce x mc #pixelberry #choices fic writers creations #play choices #fics of the week

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silver-wield · 4 years

Text

The Promise Analysis (Cloti)

Sorry about that, Nonny, I relate the promise between Tifa and Cloud to some of the stuff that happens during their resolution and went full tin hatter on it.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis)

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog)

Tifa character analysis

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory)

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti)

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis

Cloti reunion analysis

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recapping for anyone who's forgotten the basics – cause I assume by this point you're ok with spoilers and me pointing that out is kinda dumb lol

So, chapter 4 and it's mission time with the trio – I love these dorks, especially Wedge, he is my child and if he's dead Imma riot. Jessie is off being sneaky and it's up to Cloud and co to play tag with the security team.

As Charlie Biggs (if you got the ref kudos) explains the plan, Cloud looks up at the night sky — which is a whole lot different to the one we fade up to and I personally wonder what it was about that sky that made him recall the promise to Tifa. Was it just the fact he'd been talking to her and it was his first time he'd paid attention to it? Before that he was under the plate and before that he was in the reactor, so I guess it's safe to assume this is his first chance to relate the two things.

Ok, after the fade in, we're treated to a pretty damn romantic set up. The water tower, the night sky and lil Cloud waiting for Tifa.

In the OG it mentions he waited for so long he started getting really cold, but he stuck it out because he wanted to see her and hoped she'd show. That's an OG lifestream detail not in the first OG promise scene, but let's assume for now it's gonna get a callback in the Remake. That means bby Cloud has been sitting there waiting for Tifa for a while now.

Ok, call her a thirteen year old bitch if you feel good about yourselves here, but she's thirteen and her dad is super overprotective. He stopped Cloud from playing with Tifa after she had an accident at 8 that wasn't Cloud's fault and in fact if he hadn't been there she'd have died on the mountain because nobody would've known where she was. Ok? Ok.

So, he's been waiting, and it's clear he's nervous – he looks so fucking cute I just can't stand it! Nervous fidgeting, balled fist, head down, mouth pulled into a pretty grim line. He thinks she's not coming, but still he's waiting for her.

Sorry, just to further hit home the above points. That is the face of a boy who is desperately hoping the girl he likes is gonna show, but has half given up hope. There's sadness in his eyes and a tensing along his jaw line. This boy is disappointed and my heart breaks for him.

Going back to that focus in on Cloud's eyes before the flashback and we can see here the massive difference mako makes to the colour. Cloud's eyes are a deep blue, while his mako infused eyes are blue/green. I get why he goes on about them a lot because he's probably not used to seeing them like that yet; maybe he never will be. Tifa's comment was about the look in his eyes – which I touched on in a comment I made while replaying. Tifa isn't focused on the colour, she's dismayed he has such a hard look in his eyes and when you compare the look in this boy's eyes, it's clear to see what she's getting at. This Cloud is the real Cloud and he is soft as fuck and trying to look tough.

GODDAMNIT!! There's way too many good moments to grab for this analysis! Look at this precious boy! All but folding under the weight of disappointment! But, what's this in the bg? Our heroine, here at last!

If anyone anyone tries to say Cloud didn't have a great stonking crush on Tifa as a kid then please tell me what this means if it isn't he's gutted he's waited and waited and she didn't show.

We don't know why she's late – maybe Remake will clear that up for us – but I'm guessing she couldn't sneak out or maybe, judging by the amount she's dressed up, she was doing the typical girly thing and couldn't decide what to wear, asking herself if this is a date and second guessing why Cloud called her to the water tower – which is known as a romantic meeting place. Whatever the reason, she's thirteen, sheltered – thanks to her dad – and naturally shy. Maybe she worried herself into a state about whether she should go and had to find her courage to meet Cloud. She likes him just as much as he likes her remember. It's canon, don't argue.

Now, her face is this bit is out of focus, but that's nothing to my weirdly myopic eagle eyes – it's a very specific gift. Tifa's smiling. That we can tell even before she's fully in shot. There's a bunching of the cheek muscles that tells us that. She's pleased he's still there. Obviously, she can't read his body language, but she'd probably be a bit upset to realise she upset him. Because she's not actually a bitch like some people like to claim. Sorry, but she's thirteen. How threatened are yall that you gotta call a thirteen year old girl a bitch and try to erase how important she is in Cloud's childhood just to further your own ends? Seriously, get help.

Sorry for the janky, but this is a transition between focus so it's not gonna be great anyway. Here we can see Cloud's expression when Tifa says heya. Eyes open, wide with surprise. She showed. That's what his face is saying. He's trying hard not to show his emotions too much – I mean he is still Cloud and too cool for all that nonsense – but he's relieved. Maybe his heart even skips a beat, but I'm speculating. Her greeting is casual, reserved. Tifa. She’s being cute even though he’s not looking because she wants him to think she’s cute.

Tifa, ever respectful and respectable sits the right amount of difference away that both encourages Cloud she's interested in being near him, but doesn't over encourage him and make him think of her in a negative way. She's likely cultivated this on purpose – she's the mayor's daughter so she's always got to be proper – because she's got a lot of male friends and having any of them get the wrong idea would be bad. You'll notice in her other flashbacks where the boys feature that she's not sitting too close to any of them and they're running around her, not touching or anything. They're satellites that revolve around her because she is untouchable to them. Because she's the mayor's daughter and has to be a good girl all the time. This is further evidence that goes towards Tifa's overall personality. She's very careful and respectful to people. She doesn't go out of her way to offend anyone unless she has no choice. Though she's a skilled fighter, she's very slow to anger and tries to look on the bright side as much as she can, despite the tragedy in her life. (I'm gushing, I know, but she's such a great multifaceted character and way more than the tropes people shove on her to make her into nothing).

Where was I?

Right. So, in direct contrast to their later conversation during the chapter 14 resolution, here we see Cloud with his back to Tifa and her with her head tilting, inviting him to confide in her. Yes, there really are that many awesome parallels purposely inserted in this game and that's why you need to take more than one look.

From her face we can conclude she's optimistic. She's smiling and doesn't look like someone who's expecting a bomb to drop any second – Cloud if you only turned around you wouldn't have gone through this shit. Sure, you'd have likely died when Sephiroth came to town, but hey, you'd have gone out with your childhood sweetheart lol

What she's probably expecting is for Cloud – who has purposely invited her to the watertower hot dating spot – to ask her out. And since she's there and dressed up, we could conclude she'd accept him.

Cloud is trying to find the cool words he wants to say that'll motivate Tifa to miss him, maybe even push her into saying, “No, don't go,” because even though he's fourteen, Cloud is no good at talking to women. This is just one of his character traits. It's why we wanna strangle him over the Triangle. Bby Cloud is hardly better than adult Cloud, but at least bby Cloud knows he likes Tifa.

Bomb dropped. Kaboom. Poor bby Tifa. Look how disappointed and upset she is. She wasn't expecting this one bit! She looked so hopeful in the seconds before Cloud's hesitant declaration, only it wasn't the kind she hoped for. I wouldn't go so far as to say she's crushed, but she's upset, that's for sure. Her brows have come together and she's turned away from Cloud because she doesn't want him to see how she looks in this moment. She's trying to put a brave face on it, but bby Tifa isn't as good as her grown up self. You can see the mouth trying to form a smile, but the eyes have a different expression in them.This is again seen in chapter 14 when Tifa tries to put a brave face on for Cloud before breaking down.

Shots fired! Tifa goes for dismissive and succeeds! Never mess with a girl with a crush lol

Cloud was trying to get a reaction out of her, but she got one out of him instead. Brave face wins. Well, what did you expect? She's the mayor's daughter and raised on being proper.

He stutters that he's not like the other boys – so cute – and shows off his lofty dreams. He's trying so hard to impress her. He only has these dreams because of the incident when they were smaller where her father said if Cloud can't take care of Tifa then he has no right being around her. This is what drove Cloud to distance himself from Tifa and her friends. Talk about shoving an inferiority complex and identity disorder on a kid. I get it, the mayor was worried about his daughter, but Cloud didn't deserve the bear the brunt of his anger and blame. Still, the fact that nine year old Cloud took that, held onto it for five years and still decided to pursue Tifa by becoming a SOLDIER has huge meaning for them. He was nine. Ok, for argument's sake let's say he didn't have a crush on her, but they were friends and he was told he wasn't good enough to hang with her. So, thanks to propaganda he gets it in his head that SOLDIERS are the best and if he's one of them he'll be good enough for her father to let him see Tifa again. We're not told at any point – nor shown it – that Tifa is only interested in Cloud if he's this elite who can impress her. Remember, she already likes him. Look at what she's wearing compared to him ffs. This girl – again – dressed for a date with Mr Oblivious. Yes, I'm rolling my eyes. Yes, I want to smack him upside the head. Yes, I know he's 14, I meant adult Cloud.

Back to it. The look on his face here is one of “she thinks I'm like the others? I'll prove I'm not. I'm better than that. I can be next to her if I prove myself.” At this point, he's definitely gone from wanting to be around her in a friendship capacity to borderline romantic. I mean, he did call her out to the watertower. Did I mention that? A few times? Because it's significant. He's frustrated she compared him to her friends – no she didn't friendzone him, she likes him. He thinks she friendzoned him. Kids are frustrating and the adult versions aren't much better.

Shots fired part two! Points to Cloud this time! Smug lil fucker, I see that smirk!

Okay, so Cloud says he's gonna be like Sephiroth and at this point in time Sephiroth isn't batshit crazy, he's someone to be admired. Tifa to be fair, doesn't sound impressed, but she's humouring Cloud. Then, she says, “Isn't it hard to become a SOLDIER?” And Cloud replies with “Yes, so I won't be back for a long time.”

Okay, now. This is definitely to get a reaction. The smirk on his face is saying that he's partly getting her back for her earlier shot and partly trying to goad a reaction from her because he thinks he didn't get one before – this is why eye contact matters.

Tifa, for her part, doesn't look happy. He's got a reaction out of her, but it'd be really super helpful if he was facing her to see it. Because he isn't, she can get away with a breezy reply that makes him think she doesn't care.

I'm sorry, can I just say serves you right and leave it at that? Seriously, Cloud, don't mess with girls when you can barely form coherent sentences most of the time. What did he expect? She'd throw herself on him, clinging, crying and begging him not to go? Probably. Once again, our angsty hero is on the backfoot in their conversation. This is why eye contact matters. He's looking a bit gutted at her reaction. He likely hoped for more and got far less than he wanted. It's no wonder he goes to Midgar and doesn't approach her when he comes back as a grunt. He's carrying this presumed disappointment around with him that stops him from seeing her. (I can't really go more into CC events since I haven't played it and I've only seen a few bits and pieces, but what I got from it was Cloud is an idiot.)

Tifa asking if he'll be in the papers is both a brush off towards his baiting and also she's trying to encourage him. This is his dream. He called her out of the house late at night to tell her – just her – that this is what he's gonna do. Of course she won't stop him. She's not that kind of girl. She's supportive and kind. She doesn't understand that Cloud's doing it for her – I honestly don't think it enters her mind at any point until he reveals it OG during the lifestream sequence. She's pretty much as oblivious as he is and assumes they're just really close friends and her attraction is all one sided; same as he does about her.

Ah ha! Tifa thinks, realising that Cloud's lukewarm effort to be in the papers won't be enough to satisfy her. If Cloud's going to become a SOLDIER, then he'll be a hero – like Sephiroth. What do heroes do? Save people. He said he won't be home for a long time, but there's even less guarantee he'd come back at all, and she wants to see him again, even if it's just once. She can't leave Nibelheim. As the mayor's daughter she's got responsibilities to the people there – even though the town is dying out and nobody new is settling. Eventually, she'll be the only person her age left and maybe never hear from any of her friends again. But, she can't leave. She can't abandon the people. She'll be left, alone and lonely, until everyone’s gone. Her life wasted. But, she could see Cloud again and that makes her optimistic. Maybe she wouldn't mind the time so much if she thought she'd get to see him again. See that at least he's pursuing his dreams and he's happy with the direction his life took. Maybe she'd get one grand romantic gesture in her life if SOLDIER Cloud could save her.

Confused boi is confused. From Cloud's pov, he doesn't understand this odd request. He hasn't thought about Tifa saying everyone leaving means she's alone. He's only seen this from his pov, so he can't see why Tifa would need saving or how he would even know she needs him. He doesn't realise it's her way of trying to get some guarantee they'll meet again.

I mean, we can see he's trying to understand her. He's actually turned to look at her this time and his expression is searching, like he's looking for clues why she said this. He also invites her to explain by making a verbal cue.

And now that Cloud has her full attention – you know, the thing he was trying to get all along – he doesn't know what to do with it. He's flustered and awkward, and she's cajoling and turning on the charm, which she likely has in spades because mayor's daughter. I know I say that like it's a personality trait, but in part it is. She's had to learn decorum and everything that goes with it. She needs manners and good behaviour. She has to be just enough of an extrovert that she can attend functions – because even though I know I said the town is dying, they still have a reactor and that means they still get visits from important people. She can't show her dad or town up. In the Resolution analysis I made I said she hasn't been allowed to show emotion for five years since she arrived in Midgar, but it's very likely she's never been allowed to show much emotion. She's gotta be the doll. So, since she can't show she's sad, she goes for positive, and Cloud's frowning because he's not sure how he'll keep this promise she wants so bad and if she isn't interested in him then why is she asking for one anyway? Remember, they just did a do-si-do with each other's feelings acting like they don't like each other.

But then, oh look! Oh look! In the face of Tifa's unrelenting cheer and optimism, Cloud starts to smile. Eyes soften and the slightest lift at the corner of his mouth. He's starting to like the idea of being her hero. And it's just once and maybe from that one time save things would move forward for them. He's definitely not opposed to the idea – especially since he's the one who brings it up with Tifa later and she's pretty embarrassed at the reminder. The confusion from before could be because he thought she wasn't serious, but looking her dead in the eye – this is why eye contact matters – he sees she's serious. She wants him to be her hero. She wants to see him again and even offers a get out clause by saying “just once.” He doesn't have to do it forever or whenever she wants, just once. So, she can have hope she'll see him again some day.

And now we're back with the big idiot, who squeezes his eyes shut as he remembers Tifa in the bar earlier saying she feels trapped. Guilt likely pinches. Maybe he wonders if this was a hint she wanted his help – I'm wavering on this because she does say later she didn't expect this kind of thing when she asked for his promise – but if we go by choice of words alone it's leading. Then again, bby Tifa uses the word trapped, so it could just be a word that she feels comfortable using to describe her feelings. How we speak is made up of specific words we go to that feel right when we say them. It's just one of those things and why not everyone speaks the same even when they're from the same region or you have friend groups where you speak one way and other groups where you speak another.

From the dev pov I'm assuming it's meant to be a callback to the promise, but I wouldn't put it on Tifa doing it purposely to encourage Cloud to help her. If that makes sense.

And we close off with Cloud clenching his fist and resolving to help Tifa. To keep his promise.

At no point do we have confirmation from Tifa that the reason she asked Cloud to make a promise was to get a favour off him.

Conclusion

This is actually a very tragic scene from Tifa's pov. I've seen some people say this is because she's a young girl acting like a fairy princess, but I can't marry that idea with the gritty themes FF7 portrayed, and Remake does still hit those notes. Tifa is a young girl who had her romantic hopes dashed and she's looking for some kind of consolation from the boy she likes. He's leaving her. They're all leaving her. She'll be alone. She just wants hope that she'll see him again.

Is it manipulative? Yeah, ok, if that's how you see it. She's thirteen. Did I mention that? I'll say it again. She's thirteen, and one of the last people her age in town. Soon, she's gonna be the only one her age. She's lonely and doesn't want to lose everyone in her life. If you say that's manipulative by asking her crush make a promise so she can have hope she'd see him again, then go off I guess.

And let's touch on hope. Tifa is someone who has a lot of enduring hope – this is why I initially linked the ask to the resolution scene because the theme of hope runs through both. Tifa gets knocked down a lot. She's almost died several times, lost people close to her when they left town, lost Cloud when he left and still found a way to go on. She was never a damsel or trying to be one. She's wearing a cute dress because Cloud asked her out. She thought it was a date. Or she wanted it to be. And since when does wearing a dress make someone a weakling? Or does it only apply to Tifa because convenience?

After Cloud leaves, Tifa begins training every day. She learns from a master and develops her skills until she's at the peak. I mean, you've seen her fight. She kicks all the ass.

She wasn't sitting around like a damsel waiting for an opportunity for Cloud to come and save her. She got on with her life. She was happy at times, sad others. It was normal. She missed Cloud, I know that much from CC. She dressed up – again – hoping he'd be part of the group inspecting the reactor. She was disappointed when he wasn't there.

The promise between them wasn't about furthering a childhood romance or making Tifa someone Cloud couldn't get over. Neither of them was aware the other had feelings. It was awkward mutual oblivious crushing that clearly carried on for another two years until Cloud showed up with Zack, but didn't appear before Tifa because he’s that kind of idiot.

And what happened during the trip? Well, a lot of stuff, but the thing I know about is Sephiroth went batshit cray cray and slaughtered everyone in the town and then burnt it to the ground. He nearly killed Tifa. Cloud was there and that's what we see in his headache flashes about “I let you down again”.

He carries a lot of guilt about not being Tifa's hero, which is why he tries so hard to protect her. He made a promise to her that part of him believes he hasn't kept, but if it wasn't for him, she'd be dead. Again. He did save her. And he keeps on saving her. Not because of the debt of a promise but because he wants to be her hero. The real Cloud that's hidden deep within him, the one that made the original promise, the one that almost died saving her and got stuffed in a mako chamber for years until Zack rescued him, that Cloud wants to be Tifa's hero.

That's why after he recalls this moment – and it's one of the ones where he doesn't have a headache at all (just thought I'd mention that because certain people go on about how a specific scene is all Cloud not headachey Cloud whatever) – that he becomes focused on helping Tifa. He opens up both to her and others – check the camaraderie with the trio after the mission and him offering to walk Wedge home.

This recollection of a promise is the first step for the real Cloud to finding his way back. That's why it anchors his development and that's why his and Tifa's relationship will never be less than something deep and meaningful.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #cloti #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #the promise #Cloud Strife #Tifa Lockheart

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champagne-bucky · 4 years

Text

Prescription for...

Summary: Steve Rogers tells Bucky about his first time.

Warnings: pre-serum Steve x reader, smut, loss of virginity

Notes: This is my thank you for hitting 500 followers this weekend. This may or may not turn into a mini series following the adventures of pre- serum Steve and the reader. Let me know what you guys think! Please make sure to like, comment, reblog, and follow for more!! Enjoy guys!!

Steve Rogers days were numbered. It’s sad and unfortunately true. No one thought the day would come where the world would be saying goodbye once more to the Patriotic American War Hero, but it looks like the end is approaching.

Steve’s decision to go back in time was a hard one for anyone to grasp, especially his best friend Bucky Barnes. Bucky and Steve were side by side always. Even when they weren’t, there wasn’t a day that went by where Bucky and Steve weren’t on each others minds.

Bucky knew his time with his forever pal was coming up. He knew for a while now that he’d have to prepare for the day when he’d say his final goodbyes, which is why Bucky made is a point to visit Steve every free minute of the day. Steve insisted that Bucky didn’t need to come to the lavish retirement home everyday, but Bucky was insistent and being with his friend just in case the ‘end of the line’ was drawing to a close.

“Hey, Buck.” The old man laying in the bed greeted the other walking through the doorway.

“Hey, punk. How we feelin’ today?” Bucky took a seat on the plush chair next to Steve’s bedside.

“Same as everyday, tired.” Bucky frowned. His best friend has been feeling tired lately, should he be worried?

“Oh, wipe that look off your face, Buck. I’m not dead, yet,” Bucky cringed, “it’s what happens when you get older, bud.” Steve flashed him his famous smile.

“What’s got you so upset today?” Steve eyed Bucky up and down.

“Nothing. What makes you think that?”

“I may be old, but I’m not senile. You’ve been sporting that look for weeks. Now what’s wrong?”

“It’s just,” Bucky sighed, he didn’t want to say it. If he didn’t it’ll all feel to real.

“That I’m should be dead soon?” Steve grinned as Bucky gasped.

“Don’t say that Steve! You’re not going to die, not for a while.” Bucky couldn’t help but choke back the tears.

“Bucky, you know it’s gonna happen. Sooner rather than later. I’m old Buck, it’s about time I leave this place.” Bucky was crying now. The tears fully falling down his face.

“C’mon you big sap. Wipe those tears away. I want no crying today. Don’t cry until after I’m gone. I wanna remember you smiling.” Steve had been doing this a lot lately. Anytime Bucky would be upset during his visits with Steve, he would try his best to make him smile. Bucky being the god sport he is decided to go along with his charades for he didn’t know how long they’d be doing this.

“I’m not crying cause of that,” Bucky sniffled, “I’m crying cause you’re gonna die a virgin.” Steve chuckled and Bucky cringed. He wished he could’ve taken that back.

“Just like the 40s all over again, huh?” Bucky had always been on Steve in their youth about getting Steve a nice girl. Someone that’ll take care of him. Someone that’ll hold him close those long lonely nights when Bucky couldn’t be there for him.

“I’m serious, pal. We gotta get you laid before...before,” Bucky’s voice trailed off.

“Before I go off to the army.” Good ole denial, one of Steve’s favorite games to play.

“Yeah, before you go off to the army.” Steve smirked at Bucky. It was that all knowing smirk.

“What?”

“I just realized. I never told you.” Steve’s grin grew even wider, the wrinkles in his face becoming more prominent.

“Told me what? That you got laid?” Bucky shook his head and laughed. He didn’t doubt he did. He had a few brief flings before Steve reunited with Bucky.

“Yeah, Y/N Y/L/N, remember her?” Bucky was confused.

“Umm, Steve, I’m sure she’s long gone by now.” He remembers the name all to well. That was the girl who worked in her dad’s pharmacy. The girl Steve was so smitten with.

“I know that idiot, I’m talking about before. When she was alive.”

“You slept with an old lad- OW!” Bucky exclaimed as Steve picked up his newspaper from the side of his bed and whacked Bucky over the head with it.

“I’m talking about before, Buck. Before I joined the army, before you joined the army.”

“Don’t bullshit me.”

“I’m to old for bullshitting, don’t ya think?” Bucky knew Steve as a lot of things. A risk taker, danger seeker, and because of his mother, hypochondriac.

“Okay, so when was it?” Bucky was curious now, he was hoping to catch Steve in a lie.

“Summer of 1935.”

“Bullshit!”

“How?”

“You would’ve told me.” Bucky was looked for any signs of joking, to his surprise there was none.

“I’m telling you now aren’t I?”

“Go on.”

“It was 1935, just after my 17th birthday. Remember, you and your family left for Chicago for the rest of the summer. You went to go stay with your aunt.” Wow, Bucky didn’t even remember the summer of ‘35.

“So, how was it?”

“I’m trying to tell you a story about how I met her and you wanna know how I enjoyed it?”

“Well it’s not everyday your friend over 100 tells you a dirty secret about their life.”

“Don’t make me smack you again. Now pay attention.” Bucky nodded and urged Steve to continue.

**Flashback**

1935

The air was hot and sticky. Kids were running around the streets while the fire hydrants were spraying water to keep them cool. On the other side of Brooklyn, a young James Barnes had just finished packing the car for Chicago.

“You gonna be alright without me, pal?” Bucky looked down at his short and unhealthily skinny friend.

“Yeah, you know me Buck, I can hold me own.” Bucky chuckled and patted Steve in the back.

“Sure ya can. Just don’t getting into any trouble, not without me of course.” Bucky hugged Steve tight.

“I’ll see ya when I get back. Don’t go kissing any pretty girls without me.” Bucky called out of the window of the car before it took off down the street.

“No promises.” Steve yelled back.

—

Steve waited until the car was out of sight before he made the long walk back to his home. There, his mother was in the kitchen preparing a delicious dessert for the two of them. Sarah Rogers was a kind and patient woman, one who always encouraged her son to take care of his mind, body, and soul. However, his health was Sarah’s biggest concern.

Steve had not grown up like the normal boys. He never did hit a growth spurt or sprout an impressive beard like his counterpart Bucky. No, Steve was a boy who was bullied and teased for not looking like a man. Sarah believe that maybe if he took better care of his health and changed his lifestyle that there would be hope for him yet. After all, mother knows best.

“Come in here Stevie and help mommy with the pie crust. Mrs. Leny from down the street gave me some apples from her tree.” Steve kicked his shoes off by the door and made his way to the kitchen.

“Make sure you wash up real good, honey. Don’t want to be sick for the remainder of the summer now do we?” Steve rolled his eyes at his worrying health obsessed mother. She was always on him about getting sick or not eating the right foods. It was rather annoying for the young Rogers boy. All he wanted to do was be like the normal kids in the neighborhood and go out and get his hands dirty, however the “normal kids” never wanted him to join in on the fun.

“Oh, Stevie!” Sarah called for her son as he finished washing the plates.

“I need you to make a run down to the pharmacy for me. Dr. Y/L/N called earlier and your prescription just came in.” Steve rolled his eyes and made his way to the door.

—

Steve had never considered himself a nervous man, not even around girls, but she, she was an exception. The pretty young woman behind the counter was mindlessly flipping through her newest book as Steve waited outside the drug store. He was going to have to talk to her. The beautiful woman that was unknowingly stealing his heart. Bucky had been teasing him for years about asking her out, but Steve could never find the courage.

"What girl would go out with a guy like me?” Bucky would frown hearing those words come out of his best friends mouth.

Slowly, Steve opened the door to the drug store, careful to not make the bell chime loudly. However, his plans were corrupted when he saw the unlikely fellows pushing him through the door altering the woman behind the counter of his presence. Buddy Bedestow and Hank Schumacher, Steve’s worst nightmares.

“Aww look who it is Hank, skinny boy Rogers. Hey Rogers, where’s your pal? Guess he’s not here to protect you now.” The two large men squished Steve between them. They have been on Steve’s ass since grade school, always picking on him for no particular reason. Well, Bucky thinks there is no reason, Steve mustered up the idea that the boys were jealous of his friendship with the most suavest fella in Brooklyn.

“Say Bud, did Stevie here run out of menstrual supplies? Ya think its our little pansy’s cycle again?” Unbeknownst to the boys, the woman was making her way around the counter.

“Nah Hank, I think Stevie here was gettin’ some rubbers, musta’ ran out when he was going down on his old lady. Is that why you’re here twig? Need to get back to momma?” Steve blushed as the boys kept berating him.

“Alright, that’s enough! Hank, Buddy, get out of here before I call your ma’s and tell them you’ve been stealing.”

“But we haven-“

“My pa may be old, but he sure ain’t dumb. Now scram.” The boys reluctantly let go of Steve and made their way out of the store.

“You're the Rogers boy I’m guessing?” Her painted lips curled into a smile and Steve’s heart stopped functioning.

“Y-yeah, how’d you know?” A simple joke, she laughed, Steve felt the heat rise in his cheeks.

“I have my ways of figuring it out. I have your prescription by the way.” She returns to her spot behind the counter and shuffles through the copious amounts of white paper bags.

“Here you are. Oh, and Steve?” Steve looked up at the woman, bottom lip fitting snuggly between her top teeth.

“Yes?”

“Don’t listen to those boys, they’re just jealous of your charm and good looks.” Steve was beet red now. Charm? Good looks? Was the girl mad? Did she really see him like that?

“Miss your kindness is greatly appreciated, but you don’t have to lie.” She frowned.

“You don’t believe those boys do you? Steve, you are possibly the most handsome fella I’d ever laid eyes on. Steve couldn’t believe it. He’s pretty sure no one would believe him.

“Don’t try and make me feel better, beautiful dames like you don’t go for boys like me.”

“You are sorely mistaken, Steve Rogers. Maybe some girls like the handsome momma’s boy types.” She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Steve gasped, an unwanted stir of arousal started to build.

That’s where it all started. That one simple kiss. Its innocence could not foreshadow the wild adventures Steve Rogers and his little pharmacist had planned over the summer. It started out slow, little dates at the local theater and trips to the ice cream shop, but they both wanted more they both needed more.

So that’s how Steve found himself that mid-August afternoon, standing in only his boxer shorts while his pretty little pharmacist laid out naked and panting in his bed. Sarah Rogers had gone out for the day, leaving Steve and his girl to their own scandalous devices.

“You know, my ma would skin me alive if she saw what we were doing right now, said this was a sin.” Both Steve and his girl were told at a very young age that virginity was a special thing to share on a wedding night, however, with both parties wanting more they couldn’t help themselves but give in to their ungodly urges.

“You think the big man will be upset?” Steve disregarded his shorts and reached to take a rubber from her shaking hand.

“Nah, I’m pretty sure Buck’s did worse than what we are doing.” She let out a breathy chuckle.

“Steve, hurry up. I need you.” Steve’s member twitched as he pumped himself a few times and rolled the rubber down his length.

“Patience is a virtue my love.” Steve smirked as his fingers began sliding around her lower lips.

A whine escaped his love’s mouth, soft and breathy. They’ve been practicing for a moment like this. It finally all led up to this. Their first touches, first orgasms, first time seeing each other naked, it all led up to this moment.

Softly, his fingers slide into her tight entrance, a guttural moan echoed throughout the small bedroom. She was still tight after all the sessions they had gone through. He couldn’t resist the urge to keep pumping in and out of her. He was addicted to her moans and movements, Steve wanted to be greedy and make her cum before he got inside of her.

“So beautiful, wish I could have you like this all day.” He moved a tad fast, the pad of his thumb maintaining circular motions on that special spot she always heard about.

“God Steve, I need you, please.” She whined one more as she fisted the sheets below her.

“In a minute my love, I wanna see you come undone around my fingers.” She moaned loudly at the dirty talk. Since their sessions had began, Steve had acquired a tasteful vocabulary that was enough to make anyone gasp in shock.

A few more pumps, each faster then the last, and the beautiful woman before him was quivering around him. His hand had gotten soaked from her arousal, a little had gotten on the bed sheets below her too. He can clean those later anyway. Right now he was determined to be inside his girl once and for all.

“I heard it’s suppose to hurt.” Steve began to feel worried as he placed his covered head at her entrance.

“Only for a little, but it’ll feel better.” She was an angel before him, sweaty and sticky with lust and arousal. She was insatiable and Steve needed her now.

He slowly entered her, she winced a little in pain and Steve began to pull back. She looked up and him and urged him to go on. Little by little, he filled her out. He stayed in her, not wanting to move and hurt her. She nodded her head and urged him to move. It was indescribable, the pleasure the skinny boy above the beautiful woman was sending him over the edge. Steve was expected to release quickly, but he was determined to have his love finish first.

“C’mon my love, give me another one.” His thrush we’re at a steady pace now and she was a mess. Hair sticking to the bedsheets and hands gripping her lovers shoulders. She wanted move, but they would both have to wait to delve into new territory.

“You feel so good. Please don’t stop.” He back arched and Steve almost fell over the edge.

“One more my love and I’ll come with you. One more.” On command she came and Steve followed suit. Both lovers were a panting, sweaty mess.

Steve eases his soft shaft out of her and she whined at the loss of fullness. He quickly removed the rubber and tossed it in the waste bin near his bed. He laid down next to his beloved and wrapped his arms around her.

“Till next time my love.” She turned her head and kiss Steve.

“Till next time.” He kissed her back, deeply and full of love.

**End Flashback**

“Holy shit.” Bucky was bug eyed.

“And you really thought I was lying to ya.” The old man from the bed smirked.

“I can’t believe it.”

“I knew you wouldn’t.” Steve chuckled.

“Well I’ll be damned. Steve Rogers was a scoundrel.” Bucky shook his head still in disbelief.

“So whatever happened between you two? You both just jumped into it right away?” The metal armed soldier was curious now.

“That’s another story for another day, Buck. You’d be surprised how much we did before that day.” Bucky paused for a moment.

“How much you what?!”

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers smut #pre serum steve #pre serum steve x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #captain america #captain america x reader #captain america one shot #captain america imagine #captain america smut #captain america x you #captain america x y/n #marvel smut #marvel one shot #marvel imagine

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impostertamsong · 4 years

Text

A Moment Alone

Tam’s PoV

"If you tell anyone--"

"I know, I know, you'll kill me." Keefe smirks at me and kisses my cheek. My frown lightens, and he wraps his arms around my shoulders. "What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know." Keefe smiles again, and I can tell he has an idea already.

"Cool! 'Cause I do!" He lets go of my shoulders and hops up, before rummaging in his messy room.

I curl on his bed, sighing. It smells like him. He looks over at me and smiles, love plastered all over his face.

"Found it!" He holds up a black box with buttons and numbers and holes. "It's a radio," he explains. "Dex gave it to me."

I nod. "What're we gonna do with it?"

"Dance," he answers matter-of-factly.

I laugh. "I can't dance."

"Neither can I. We'll see what happens." Keefe walks over to me, shrugging. He puts the radio on his bed and then pulls me up. He turns the radio, still holding one of my hands, tightly, like he doesn't want to let me go.

The radio starts making musical noises, but nothing like what my family does. It's more upbeat and has voices.

The music plays, and Keefe grabs my other hand pulling me into the center, swaying with the time. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, and he holds his hands on my hips, pulling me slightly closer. We sway for a while.

The song changes and it's faster. I still don't understand any of the words, but it sounds sad. Keefe twirls me, and I laugh despite the music. He laughs too, and twirls me again. We're all smiles and happiness. We pretend to dance, stepping on each others feet and wincing and laughing and falling on each other. The songs change from happy to sad to angry. Slow, fast, or somewhere in between. Eventually they all sound the same.

A slow song brings us even closer and now we're just swaying, foreheads touching slightly, smiling. He rubs my nose with his, and it tickles, so I laugh. And then he's laughing and hugging me. And we're both laughing.

My Imparter rings. It's Linh. "I gotta get this, sorry." I leave his room and go somewhere that's not obviously his house. A blank wall in the hallway.

"Where are you?" Linh's face looks a little worried.

"Uh, out and about. Why?"

"You just didn't tell me. I was worried." She doesn't me. How awesome. I point this out. "No, no! I do trust you!"

"No you don't. And. It's fine." I sigh. "I understand. I left you."

"But you're back! And not evil! So that's something!" Linh's voice is slightly higher than usual.

There's a thump from Keefe's room.

"What was that?" Linh asks.

"Nothing," I answer, about to sign off.

"Please, will you tell me where you are?" Linh looks so sad and worried. I sigh.

"I'm at Keefe's house. Telling him stuff... helps."

"Still?" I was ordered by Forkle to talk to Keefe about my stay with the Neverseen to ease the mental pain. It helped a lot. Clearly.

I smile slightly. "Yeah."

She smiles too, but I see ulterior motive behind her eyes and I swear she mutters, "Finally." Then her face turns sympathetic, and she says, "That's good. I'm glad you're... working things out. Bye!" The screen goes dark and I sigh again. She found out didn't she. I stalk back to Keefe's room and open the door, closing it quickly behind me.

"What happened?" Keefe walks over to me and touches my arms.

"She knows."

"How? You didn't tell her, did you?"

"No, but, she was so worried I told her where I was. I just said that you were still helping me with, you know." I gesture vaguely. He nods.

"I mean, I could. So you won't be lying. We haven't in a while anyway."

"Naw, I'm getting better. And I don't want to be a burden."

"But you're not!" he protests, gripping my arms tighter. "I care. I care so much. Probably too much," he whispers, touching his forehead to mine.

He hugs me. So tight, I almost can't breathe. But it's nice. Being held. I hug back just as tight and realize that he really does care.

I think I'll let him.

Taglist (if anyone else wants to be on here just reblog it saying so!):

@linhammon-roll-bromance101 @lusilver001 @kirithikaaaa

#kam #keefe #tam #teefe #kotlc #fanfiction #writing #fluff #is it fluff? I'm not wellversed in it so...#dancing

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figuringouthowtobehere · 3 years

Text

please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood.

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now.

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it.

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would.

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

#childhood abuse tw #tw #tw alone in the world #suicide tw #please dont reblog this #no rb #homelessness tw

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