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#i really do not know how to say any of this can someone more articulate than me say it
tawaifeddiediaz · 19 days
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i don’t know if i know how to word this properly but basically i just really like that buck’s realization shows older people who might be questioning their sexuality that it’s okay to not know in your thirties or older, but i also really like that it shows younger people that you don’t have to know right here and now and there’s no age you have to know by. i like how it emphasises the fluidity of sexuality in the form of a macho firefighter who hasn’t considered men in any conscious (or even subconscious) light, and i think that’s a very important point to put across
there’s something to be said about finding out that you’re queer in your thirties and i love that 911 is showing us that through buck, and showing us that maybe you might always know through hen, and showing us that maybe you’ve repressed it for a good chunk of your life through michael but there’s also something to be said for the younger viewers who are struggling to label themselves - to know that it’s okay to not know just yet and still be valid, and be a member of the queer community. and there’s also something to be said about seeing a thirty year old man slip into his realization all happy and safe with another firefighter who tried to hide that part of him, and basically i love my lil gay firefighter show
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stardust-vi · 7 days
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Dumb ramble but I hate that you can't critique The Thing you love within a fandom space without some dude breathing down your neck like "Well actually that means you hate The Author and The Thing! And what about all the times The Author did this Good Thing? Checkmate, liberal." as if you can't be critical of something because you love it and want it to be better.
#just. i'm in a rush rn so i'm probably not articulating myself well and i could go more in-depth with my thoughts#at the risk of someone spinning my words into “cringe blue hair pronoun wants to cancel araki!” which... will happen inevitably#even though i don't know how many times i can repeat “i do not hate araki#this is specifcally about jjba btw because like.#look i love it and araki has done some good things (or at least had good intentions in most cases)#but i'm so over the fact he constantly has to reach for some form of traumatizing women in his writing#and I already hear “well it shows they're a villain!”#but does he HAVE to use assault? why does he have to use that instead of demonstrating their villainy in other ways#that don't need to use it as a crutch#i'm not even saying you can't ever write about assault#that's not my argument either.#I'm not even accusing him of being a bad writer or person but just. Can we please retire the overusage of assault for shock value?#i obviously don't hate people who enjoy the series regardless#i'd be a massive fucking hypocrite#i mean i've literally been in this damn fandom for 6 years and just now decided to post my art.#but i'm tired of any time someone brings up legit criticisms of the misogyny in his writing#it's met with “but araki did this-” like it changes anything.#i'm glad he did somewhat improve writing women over time compared to the earlier parts#that said. that doesn't cancel out the blunders he did make or will make in the future#even if he has good intent.#or really any criticism of the writing being hit with “but its not supposed to make sense#anyways rant over. probably going to delete later bc im tired.#tw assault#assault tw
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wild-at-mind · 4 months
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Just remembering when I was waiting for bf to get his tatt done and looking at the magazines, they had one of those extreme body mods magazines which was interesting. I have never understood why people get this kind of body mod, but I'm trying to work on being more open minded. And from this magazine I can see clearly that the ethos is 'my body is mine and I should be allowed to choose to do these things to it', which resonates. And as a trans person I would hope I wouldn't forget that transphobes call transition 'irrepairable damage' and self harm. (I can remember watching those early 2000s documentaries where surgery for transition was basically framed as an extreme body mod to be looked at for shock value.)
So I'm looking at this magazine, all open minded like, and then suddenly one of the models (who was being interviewed for something else, like he had his dick split in two or something) just casually is like oh yeah I have tonnes of different types of swastika tattooed on my arm. And sure enough, then there's a pic of like...20 swastikas done in different ways all on one area of his arm.
:[
#....i don't even know what i'm trying to say really#i think maybe just that scenes where being extreme is celebrated tend to go in bad ways very quickly#to be clear this was like a back issue. I think it was from the mid-late 2000s. Things were 'edgier' then.#i can imagine perhaps in the circles this guy was in the swastikas were probably celebrated as being oh so daring and taboo!#i hope that extreme body mod circles (which cannot be that large let's face it) are not like this any more but who knows#i just think it is much harder to know what lines to cross and which not to cross if you are celebrating line crossing#see also: when it turned out marilyn manson actually was abusing women#like 'i'm so shocking and edgy!!!' 'I'm shockingly and edgily abusing people!' they go together so well#i'm being facetious in my wording but i find this really hard to articulate.....i found the marilyn manson revelations very upsetting#to be clear i always hated him as an artist but like everyone i assumed it ws just a costume he put on#even more noodling: i was thinking about extreme kink (edgeplay i guess they call it?) and tbh i don't understand that either#but while i don't want to judge or kinkshame i do wonder if places where extremes are celebrated can ever be SSS#the risks skyrocket of harming your partner in ways they later hugely regret#also are they even following SSS? I saw someone who had been accused of causing harm to their partners during edgeplay being like#'i will take steps to learn how to do kink' um.....you didn't already know????????????#surely if you're engaging in the most extreme stuff you should know THE MOST and not apparently the least?????#uggggggggghhhhh anyway fuck 'edginess' and fuck extreme and fuck sexscalation
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More Lucifer x f!reader stuff!
I was sent an anonymous prompt for more Lucifer x reader and I got a little done! This will more than likely contain more NSFW later, but this snippet doesn't have any so no active warnings!
You sat upright on Lucifer’s king sized bed, the King of Hell straddling your lap. You don't know how you even ended up in this position, not on this bed necessarily, but how you ended up as Lucifer's beloved. You believed in your heart that you did not deserve him, but time and time again Lucifer has showered you with praise and adoration like no one ever had before. He was perfect. And you were...you. It didn't make sense.
Regardless, that didn't stop him from holding your face tenderly in his hands while he kissed you with a fiery passion. You were self conscious about being so vocal around him during intimacy, but he made it his mission to elicit as many moans and whines from you as possible. Slowly, he reached down to the hem of your shirt, grabbing a fistful of fabric. Your eyes popped open, your mind racing. You pulled away from his lips and went to grab his wrist that held your clothing.
"I-I'm sorry, love," he apologized, releasing your shirt immediately. You sighed and let go of the grip you had on his hand. "I didn't mean to scare you, I should have asked. Please forgive me."
"No, no," you breathed, "it's alright. I'm not upset, I just panicked. I'm sorry."
Lucifer pressed his lips to your forehead and planted a small kiss. "Please don't ever think you need to apologize to me for how you feel, sweetheart."
"O-Ok," you stuttered.
"Do you want to stop?," Lucifer asked. You could hear the genuine concern in his voice. Hard as it was to believe, he cared about you more than anything.
You shook your head. "No."
"You're sure?," Lucifer questioned further, "because if you're uncomfortable, we can-"
You cut him of mid-sentence with a quick peck to his lips. He smiled bashfully, a cute blush spreading across his face. "Believe me, Luci, I want this. I mean I really want this, but..." you found it difficult to articulate what you wanted to say.
"Well, if that's the case darling, what if I go first then?," Lucifer proposed. You cocked your head, unsure of what he was talking about. He reached up and began to unbutton his shirt, starting from the top and working his way down. Oh...OH.
Your face instantly feels hotter and your breathing becomes hotter. You tried to say something, but the words caught in your throat. Your mouth has never felt drier. He finally reached the last button of his shirt and you finally see some of his chest. You could almost feel your brain short circuiting.
"Do you wanna do the honors, my dear?," he asked playfully. You gulped as your hands reached towards his shoulders. Gingerly, you slid his sleeves down each arm, slowly revealing more and more skin to you. Once his shirt was completely removed, you couldn’t help but stare. His chest was so smooth and toned, almost like it had been sculpted. “Like what you see?” Lucifer questioned coyly, noticing your unwavering expression of awe.
"W-Well that's hardly fair," you whispered, finally finding your voice, "you're an actual angel. Of course you're going to be gorgeous, I-" you slapped your hand over your mouth once you realized what you had said. "Please pretend you didn't hear that!," you begged through your hand.
Lucifer's face was flushed pink, he could help but smile. He chuckled as he went to remove your hand from your face. "Is that what you really think about me, sweetheart? I'm truly flattered to hear that coming from someone as exquisite as you."
"You...You really think..." you started to say but couldn't finish. Tears began to well up in your eyes, you tried to rub them away before Lucifer could see but it was too late. Lucifer cupped your face and ran his thumbs under your eyes to clear away the tears that had fallen. Your breath hitched, you tried to take in deep heavy breaths so you wouldn't start sobbing.
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remcycl333 · 5 months
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my sp story <3
hi besties! if you've been following my blog for a while you know that i've been single for a while, partly because i like to be independent and single, and partly because i just didn't like anyone. obviously i could just manifest a guy out of thin air, but when im not confronted face to face with a crush then i just don't care about being in a relationship so i never manifested someone out of thin air lol
but then a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with my friends, and there were couples cuddling around us and i was like "aw :( kinda wish i had a bf now." and what do we do when we feel any type of desire? we immediately fulfill ourselves, no matter how "small" the desire is! so that's what i did. i imagined for like two seconds that i was cuddling with a boy at the theaters, and then i got distracted by the movie and forgot all about it
then like 15 minutes later, a guy that i'd had a crush on four years ago randomly slid into my dms. i never pursued him four years ago bc my bff at the time had dibs on him, but we're not friends anym and haven't been for years so it was my time to shine!!!
anyway, we talk for like a week. i know this guy is funny and shit bc of when we hung out irl, but like all he's sending me are unfunny memes that don't really warrant a response. so it was kinda tough
and this is the part where you guys are going to yell at me!!! i was like oh i should use my manifestation skills and make sure this goes smoothly....but then i was like nah im just gonna go with the flow 😭😭😭 and i know you guys are like REM!!!! u manifest EVERYTHING u can't just turn it off!!!! anyway.....long story short a week into us talking this mf randomly blocks me!!!!
so im instantly like 🙄🙄 damn fine i'll manifest him back bc im stubborn and do not like being told no in my reality
so how did i do it? how did i manifest him back?
if you guys have followed me for a while, you know that i manifested an sp a couple years ago by simply affirming "i love [his name] so much" any time i'd think of him and this would conjure the feeling of the wish fulfilled. (NOT mindless affirming. i'd say it maybe two or three times to catch the feeling and then move on)
ANYWAY so that's what i did! and let me tell you....i was not "perfect" by any means 😭 in fact this manifestation really kinda opened my eyes on how EASY manifestation truly is. like i already knew how easy it was, but damn!
if you know that your desire is promised and that it is coming because you gave it to yourself in imagination (even ONCE) ... there is NOTHING that will stop it. i was gonna make a separate post on this and i tried but i just couldn't articulate it correctly so im going to try again:
it took 12 days to manifest him to unblock me and message me. im sure it would've taken a shorter amount of time if i was more disciplined with myself but it's kinda crazy bc of how UNdisciplined i was 😭 tbh i was just kinda like...unsure if i even wanted to manifest him at all bc thats how much i value my alone time and my independence lol
anyway, i always get asks from people who are stressed and anxious bc they think that in order to manifest your desire, you can never enter the state of lack ever again and that dwelling in negative thoughts will "ruin" your manifestations. but i am here to tell you IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! you do not need to be "perfect"!!!! as long as you are staying faithful to the idea that you have your desire in the 4d, it'll manifest in the 3d.
another thing i see so many people confused and stressed about is whether or not they're naturally thinking from the state. for instance, every time you think of your sp, you think from the end of being in a relationship with them, before you think of the fact that you're not together yet. and let me tell you....while this CAN happen, it's not always gonna happen and it's not necessary. let me tell you, the DAY before my sp reached out, and even the day that he did....i would catch myself thinking about how we weren't together! but the gag is....YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T MANIFEST!!!! yes, they indicate what state you're in, but the actual thoughts themselves don't mean shit!!! they don't manifest. they just don't!
so i'd shift back to the state of being my sp's girlfriend when i'd have these thoughts, but i was fully aware we were not together in my 3d and i never naturally thought of us as being together before i saw any evidence of it in my 3d. all i had was the knowing that my inner man was with my sp, and that since i'd decided i had it in imagination, it would push out into my 3d. because that's how the law works!!! and honestly, that's all you really need. you just need to know that since you gave yourself your desire in your imagination ONE TIME, it WILL manifest. and if you have a true understanding of how the law works and you've read source, you will have no trouble knowing that it will come.
you also do NOT need to be in the state of the wish fulfilled 24/7!!! at all!!!! i cannot stress this enough. and tbh i used to feel the same. i felt like i had to be aware of having my desire in imagination 24/7 or else it wouldn't come. i thought i couldn't perceive the lack or opposite in my 3d or else it wouldn't manifest (see this post about dismissing the 3d btw if u need help with that). but the gods honest truth is that all you need to do is DECIDE you have your desire in imagination & not take no for an answer & KNOW that your desire is GOING TO REFLECT IN YOUR 3D NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
and that's not to say that you wont still get anxious and have intrusive thoughts and be like "oh god what if it never manifests." like... im human and i had those human moments. but i just reminded myself that i know the law and ive proven it to myself many times and i know that it had to manifest.
anyway. back to my sp story!
so for these 12 days that im blocked (lmfao) all i did was affirm "i love [his name] so much" whenever i thought of him until i caught the feeling of the wish fulfilled. that's it. and i knew for a fact that he was mine in the 4d and therefore we'd be together in the 3d bc that's the law!
anyway on friday (5 days ago) at 8pm? im scrolling thru the ulta app and then im like "oh i havent fulfilled myself today i dont think" so i fulfilled myself for like 2 seconds and then get distracted by some product and then two minutes later i get a notif that this guy followed me and then dmed me 😭
it's funny cuz my irls don't know about the law of assumption so i sent them a screenshot and i was like "look who came crawling back" and they were like BOOOOO!!! and i was like no guys!!!!! i created the blocking and i created this like i promise we can trust him 😭😭 hahahaha
anyway. let me tell you. if you are manifesting an sp, DO NOT DO THAT SHIT IN STEPS!!!!! i mean, if you really want to, i can't stop you, but i really don't recommend it.
with my old sp (the one from two years ago) i'd always manifest contact and then get it, and then he'd ghost me and and id have to manifest contact again and it'd be a never ending cycle!!! bc i was just focusing on contact, not on how i felt or how he felt about me.
the reason i loveeee to affirm "i love my sp so much" INSTEAD OF "HE loves ME so much" is because it helps me catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled so much more. not only that, but because remember, THERE IS NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF!!!! changing the way i see my sp and the way i feel about him is all i need to do. im not trying to change him and make him love me lol. this is about me and my inner reality, not him! he'll reflect whatever i am in the 4d
another reason i love affirming this is because TO ME, this is what implies we are already together. whenever im in a relationship, i always find myself laying around all giddy thinking about how obsessed with my bf i am and how i love him so much. so i emulate that when im manifesting an sp.
and it's PERFECT because by jumping straight to the end where we're already together, i don't have to focus on all the things that lead to us being in a relationship. i don't have to manifest him following me, or texting me, or asking me on a date. these things all just happen naturally bc im living in the end.
NOT TO MENTION, it naturally turns your sp into your perfect partner? like remember when i said when we were talking before he blocked me he was kinda dry and he'd just send memes that i didn't find funny? THIS DUDE DID A COMPLETE 180!!!
he's sooo funny, he is the OPPOSITE of dry, he is everything???? and im obsessed.
anyway he unblocked me and dmed me, and then asked for my number and we had such funny and cute convos and then boom 4 days later he asks me on a date and i say no (😭😭😭😭 i was busy) but i agreed to go on a date the next day and the way this boy showed pure unencumbered excitement 🥺 im obsessed
anyway im sorry this is so long? i really just wanted to share how all i did was apply what i've been preaching about on this blog for years and it worked out flawlessly! hopefully this gives you guys some good tips and maybe motivation? <3
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kazimirovich · 7 months
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all i can say forever
i'm jewish. as a child i moved from a rural town where my family saw acts of rage and hate, emigrated from a country with a horrifying history with jews. you know the one, though there are many. i'm 31 now and i have seen and experienced antisemitism my whole life, in the many places i've lived, to varying degrees. not that i should need to qualify this before everything i have to say - but i know what that looks and feels like. in my life there have been times at which i have been in danger. i choose to stay out of danger in all the ways i was taught. (part of that is not moving into someone else's house uninvited (more in a sec))
(well-meaning?) people want me to have a relationship with israel. they are very invested in assuming i have some connection to this shifting space, this project. they associate my german jewishness with a place i have never been and never felt. home, for me, is the uncle i haven't seen in too long, the ailing brother of my mother, the same red nose. it's fresh sheets hung over dry summer grass, it's bavarian farmland, it's thick liptauer on pumpernickel bread warmed over the wood stove. it's my grandmother's dining room and rough fenceposts, borders we disrespected as kids. home is also here and there and where my family is, where my friends are, where i've built myself.
in a geopolitical sense, it is clear that the antisemitic position is to sequester jews into a partitioned state conceived of by non-jews after the sunset of our most recent attempted decimation. antisemitic, to tell jews "move here, be at home in this space of constant war. impose war on others. fight for a tenuous link to an ancestry you've never seen or studied." in a religious sense, sort of a key feature of judaism since the second exile is that - we're in exile. this is an orthodox argument, but i have to admit that rabbinical discourse is pretty convincing. the secular establishment of the israeli state in an attempt to accelerate any so-called redemption has left us at a point where i really don't know what hope we have for that to occur. if you believe in god, how can you believe they are looking down at us, impressed
because beyond theoretical or spiritual reasons, the bloodlust, the vengefulness, the racism, the violation of law (i know that laws are agreed upon, are broken all the time by those who grant themselves impunity), the evil of this continuance, the evil which grinds babies and text and memory, gnashes it all in its droning machinery, its cold horror and inhumane (unhuman) practice, seemingly perfected... it is obvious to anyone with a single thought that it is an ethnic cleansing. the forcible "movement" (murder) of people of one group from land people of another group want. is ethnic cleansing. we are watching it in real time, and the world stands by and in many cases, it endorses, it beats and imprisons those who are brave enough to stand up to it, it rewards cowardly men in war rooms who having read fukuyama and arendt and maybe even voegelin conveniently forget themselves, because they can afford to, and wave their hands and make calls and decimate entire families cities sovereignties. and liberalism - that fickle ideology whose sole search is for the justification of atrocity - sends its thoughts and prayers, and emphasizes how just horrible both sides are, and conveniently forgets the histories that have led each "side" to this. convenient.
and i can't do anything about it. i can perfectly articulate every well-thought-out argument, i can cry the most frustrated tears from the well of my chest and i can scream that this isn't right, because it isn't, but nobody fucking cares. those who matter have decided for those who don't.
if you align yourself with israel, or feel any sympathy toward the supposed plight of active settlers (not a neutral spot to be in, by the way - another rational argument), i hope you know how thoroughly you've been manipulated. how successful the project of those with the power to decide we don't matter has been. you and i don't matter. so-called free thinkers meme. you fucking idiot. you genocidal maniac.
not putting this under a cut. fuck you. read it all and remember my jewish name and keep it far out of your mouth the next time you tell someone why the people you've told me are my neighbors deserve a flattening.
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lurkinggirlie · 1 month
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Elain & Azriel are EndGame
Azriel’s bonus chapter: semi-essay on my thoughts
This post will be a long one. The shipwar has been going on for far too long, and there's a possiblity that we'll be getting closure soon. So, I want to put my thoughts out there. For Obvious reasons, I could be very wrong, but this is what I think based on canon text: (Ignore any errors..I haven't edited this, and I'm sure there are many posts like this that are way more articulate)
Elriel are endgame. If they’re not then Azriel is kinda pathetic and having him end-up with anyone else is bad writing and character assassination. (Which we sadly won’t put past sjm but I don’t think she would..at least I hope)
1- Elain has no other love interest. Yes, Lucien is her mate but we have hinted at a broken/rejected mating bond for the longest time when it comes to these two so having them accept it eventually is going to be quite underwhelming, repetitive and boring. Even Lucien seems to have given up/isn’t interested in bridging that gap between them, which we’re told in both acofas and acosf. Unless you want to count the longing pointed out by Cassian, although Cassian also pointed out that Lucien was also uncomfortable when he mentioned his mate. To add on, there is no sexual tension between the two, and we know how important that is for sjm’s couple. You can't keep whining "but Elain isn't giving him a chance, if only she gave him a chance, then maybe this and maybe that" Elain is not a seprate entity, she is what SJM writes, Sjm could have written that but she did not yet and I'm not sure if she will. It feels too late at this point, she had already shown us that Elain has feelings for someone else aka Azriel. The author doesn't have to spell everything out for us to understand to what's going on. Sarah usually makes it clear who's endgame. and she literally is. So, it would be very sudden and out of the blue if Lucien and Elain were to end up together when she had never shown it before. When even Azriel pointed this out “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her, and she has no interest in him, anyway” people can say Rhys killed elriel, that the bonus chapter ended them. But this line right here tells us otherwise! First we know Azriel and Elain can read each other so well that they don’t need words, and then Azriel tells us this. He’s literally telling us that Elain does not want Lucien.
We also cannot compare elucien to Feysand or Nessian in the “enemies to lovers" department, because these two seem to hardly care about each other. For obvious reasons she wouldn’t accept or reject Lucien in a book that isn’t hers. But if they do end up together I’d feel robbed that she had more sexual tension with Azriel than she did with Lucien. And we know that Nessian and Feysand had sexual tension before getting together. Most of what we got from Elain and Lucien was awkwardness, and discomfort. Not a single spark. Furthermore, it would feel like Azriel was just leading Elain own. Plus their romance (Lucien and Elain)  would not feel organic, only getting with Lucien because she felt rejected by Azriel, which doesn’t give epic romance no matter how sjm tries to spin it. It would always make Lucien seem like the second choice.
2- Azriel regifting the necklace was a dickhead move, and offensive to both girls. Anyone thinking the regifting of the necklace ended elriel or started gwynriel is delusional and clearly doesn’t know how the romance genre works. (should’ve thrown the gift in the Sidra like Cassain did) I can’t believe Rhys isn’t paying Azriel enough that he felt the need to return the necklace to the shop instead of throwing it. Senstive Illyrian baby indeed. 
3- Rhys saying stay away from Elain (can we take a moment to appreciate how sexy Rhys was for pulling rank, he really made the ship more interesting now) and Azriel actually listening to him?? When he told him you can’t order me to do that. shit would be underwhelming if Azriel actually stayed away? Hello? Secret relationship potential ? Hello? Forbidden romance potential  ??? The tropes would be epic. Sjm had never done that. And I’m not saying she will, but this is how I see it playing out. + Azriel saying it was a mistake to Elain, and Elain apologizing?? The fact she was confused/hurt and probably thought she misunderstood the whole situation? SHE IS BABYGIRL?? Regardless, Azriel saying it was a mistake and it being a mistake is NOT it. This is not how romance works most of the time. This is such a basic romantic trope, why are a lot of people misinterepting it? Elain deserves better, and sjm isn’t about to hurt Elain’s feelings without making it up to her. And she’s definitely not making Azriel end up with another girl before he fixes that shit. I will be needing a proper apology to Elain.  
4- Whenever people think of the bonus chapter they weigh in Azriel’s feelings far more than Elain’s. It’s clear that Elain and Azriel’s feelings are MUTUAL, ignore the bonus chapter and it’s right there in the actual book. I don’t think Elain got the memo that Azriel had  a conversation with another girl after he hurt her feelings which made him realize he’s in love all of a sudden. *sarcasm*  that would be very out of character for Azriel. 
5- His chest sparkling at the thought of Gwyn getting the necklace was so??? I have been saying he’s for the streets and yes this was out of pocket. So, I understand people shipping them. However it could mean anything really, you can't continue saying that Gwyn in the bonus has to mean something, and that that spark must mean somethig but continue to disreagrd every single Elriel interaction like they mean nothing. Because for it to be taken as romance we’d have to ignore the beginning of the bonus, the feysand’s bonus acosf/acomaf/acowar and acofas. + we could easily take this in a platonic way, which is how I viewed it when I read the bonus. Not everything has to be romantic. And sjm will NOT introduce a new guy to make him end up with Elain since we already established Elain doesn’t want Lucien and Lucien doesn’t want her either. 
6- I know that a lot of people have theories about Gwyn being a lightsinger and all of this happening because of her powers (While I do think this is very smart, it wasn’t something I thought of so I won’t talk about it). I do think it’s possible, and all the theories I saw were really cool but idk where sjm is going with this, so to make it simple I do think it could be because she’s his student, she went through a lot it could simply be platonic happiness that a girl who went through so much is going to be happy about something. Even if it was a secondhand necklace specifically picked with ANOTHER girl in mind PLUS I do think sjm wanted drama, and for people to doubt elriel cuz now they have all these obstacles, so Gwyn would be the easy choice, but the second choice regardless. The relationship would feel icky and I genuinely cannot see the potential gwynriels keep talking about. I would take the ship a lot more seriously if a) he didn’t regift her another girl’s necklace b) there was more to them in the actual book. c) he wasn’t still upset about it 3 days later… 
7- There’s a high possibility Gwyn never even got the necklace..
He gave it to Clotho not Gwyn, he didn’t want his name mentioned, and then said if any other girl would like it to give it to them: the aim was to get rid of Elain’s necklace. It’s sort of a parallel with Cassain throwing away Nesta’s present.
I think it’s possible that Azriel went there because he knows how much the girls in the library have suffered, especially since his mom did too, it's possible he thought "okay this is a pretty necklace, I don't want to hold onto the reminder of what could've been, so instead of throwing it let another girl be happy about it. At least it won’t go to waste”
Clotho could tell there was something wrong, like maybe she sensed the energy and decided ayeee let me keep this aside for him, he might come back and ask for it. 
The bonus did not happen at the end of the book 
If Azriel was truly in love with Gwyn now /or he wanted her/ or more between them was going to happen/ or they were mates according to some theories we could have AT LEAST gotten more after the bonus. 
We know the bonus happened after solstice.
Nesta mentions that Azriel was stone-faced and more aloof than usual, he wouldn’t even give her a smile. That was 3 days after the necklace situation. I think it would’ve been a great opportunity to highlight any attraction between Azriel and Gwyn.
Maybe he sees the necklace around her neck, maybe Nesta and Emerie compliment Gwyn’s necklace, or Gwyn telling them she doesn’t know who it’s from, maybe they tease her that someone might have a crush on her. Nesta could’ve pointed out that Azriel was looking at Gwyn’s necklace.or looking at Gwyn in some sort of way. Literally anything. 
Anyone pointing out the way Azriel and Gwyn looked at each other. A charged glance perhaps. Literally ANYTHING. We only got him looking at her with admiration which is very teacher coded. 
If sjm hadn’t made Nesta realize Azriel had a thing for Elain then maybe gwnyriel would’ve been more appealing to me. But no, Nesta noticed. This doesn’t mean nothing people.
aside from that we got nothing romantic, but a part of the fandom still acts like we need to exile Elain because she’s coming between Gwyn and Azriel’s epic love story.
Not everyone has access to the bonus.  
The Azriel chapter was only in ONE store in the US, but Feysand’s bonus chapter was in 3 stores in the US and UK. I don't know but something tells me it’s more important.  Soooo if SJM would do a love interest switch she would not do it in a bonus chapter, and wouldn’t be highlighting the Az/Elain interactions in ACOSF as much as she did. 
Feyre’s chapter focuses on Elain, it literally tells us Elain is next once we’re done helping Nesta. EASY MATH. and the Azriel bonus also focuses on elriel/Azriel’s feelings. ENDGAME MATERIAL RIGHT HERE. 
But the girls swear up and down that Gwyn and Azriel’s book is next because of a secondhand necklace. 
Let’s assume elriels are the delusional ones (like so many of them say), how do we explain these. 
Casual readers who usually read books and aren’t on the internet and aren’t looking for bonus content (wish that was me)  (lord knows I skipped every bonus chapter in throne of glass and crescent city and I wasn’t confused about anything. Not even once) so they’d expect answers for 
The Charged glance between Azriel and Elain
Azriel following the sound of Elain’s laughter. 
Elain looking away when Azriel smiled at her during family dinner, Cassian god bless him that idiot could NOT piece all of that together. BUT it was still highlighted through his POV ???
His secret to tell never hers (and we do learn of that secret in the bonus but people who didn’t read it could only guess so they’d want a confirmation) and sjm did say in one of her lives that Nesta learns of one of Azriel’s secrets (she looked all giddy about it)... and that Azriel is going through some shit right now…and we learn why from the bonus chapter. 
Cassian being confused that it seems like Azriel moved on from Mor
Nesta pointing out that Elain moved on from Graysen
Cassian wondering why Elain is lying about where she’s going. (I viewed this as her avoiding Azriel but idk) 
Azriel’s protectiveness of Elain. He gives mate behavior without the mate part. (I will hit him on the head though omg let my girl do something)
Elain willing to look for the troves even when Nesta wasn’t, the girl wants to do something  (her journey is coming next) 
Nesta wondering if Elain is training with Azriel or the twins (who are spies that were trained by Azriel !!!) 
Feyre telling Azriel that Elain got him beat for secret keeping. Sure it might sound delusional but Elain keeps being compared to Az/being a spy and maybe this could be a thing. 
Elain speaking back to her sisters about them treating her like a child?? Hello finally 
The way Elain’s mother only treated her like a pretty doll which shaped up Elain’s whole life??? I want this from Elain’s POV sooo bad 
In conclusion, we’re not pausing Elain’s story so Azriel can end up with a side character in a spinoff about an og side character, we’re sticking to our og side characters for now.
Azriel being over Mor because of Elain, and Elain moving on from Graysen because of Azriel only for Elain to get over Azriel to be with Lucien (who we got nothing from aside a mating bond..) and for Az to get over Elain and questioning fate for her…only to end up with gwyn…like I don’t think anyone could take Azriel’s feelings seriously if this happens. Shit will be too goofy.  Because if he ends up with Gwyn who says he won’t move on to the next pretty girl he sees afterwards.
To add to that, what plot would we have for Azriel and Gwyn. We'll get more Valkyries training, more healing journey so the plot would have to be paused for this. Nesta’s book was mostly about her healing journey and friendship, while it was nice I don’t want a repeat for the next book. Especially since we know the Rite took a toll on Gwyn, she went back to the library, wasn’t even sure she would make it to Nessian’s mating ceremony. This doesn’t give the protagonist of the next book to me. Or "I thought it was pretty obvious"
Elain’s healing journey had started in ACOWAR, she got her friends in ACOWAR. Now is their TIME to do something!! She is next. 
Closing thoughts on what I think would happen based off each ship happening: 
If elriel happens = new sjm couple dynamic/interesting plot. Fresh sjm protagonist that is unlike sjm's others + we don’t ignore all the foreshadowing and hints. We follow the love triangle we set up in the og trilogy + finally get a rejected mating bond. And instead of warrior training we might get spy training and instead of physical power (as far as we know) we get something more mental. Again this is very new for sjm + there’s a lot to Elain’s power that we don’t know and since Azriel was the one who found out what she was, I think it would make more sense for him to know how to help her. Imagine the sexual tension during training..yes please. I hope sjm doesn’t rob me. Elain is really mysterious, we got Nesta’s inner thoughts before her book but we still haven't gotten a peep about Elain’s inner thoughts and I’m just dying to know more. AND THE STAKES!
1) Rhys forbidding Azriel from Elain, 2) Elain’s mating bond,3) Azriel’s self doubt and how he doesn’t think he’s good enough. 4) The blood duel and the political mess we could get into. (Lucien probs won't but what if Beron would, the breeding potential, A seer must be a powerful thing she can see things others can't and I think that’s valuable. If Eris thought Nesta was valuable as cauldron made and there was no potential there, so The Autumn court probably feels even more entitled to Elain) We have high inner and outer stakes. I have a feeling SJM will fumble all this potential but a girl can dream 
If elucien happens = another successful mating bond + “enemies”  to lovers sort of but they won’t ever be mean to each other so maybe not enemies, just dislike and awkwardness to friends to lovers?  We ignore the hints about a rejected bond and in mating bonds we trust. We also ignore all the elriel hints, and their mutual feelings. We follow the love triangle set up in the og trilogy. I don’t think Lucien could train her in anything? Maybe self defense, Idk Sarah could pull something, but I don’t see Elain leaving her circle of friends but neither do I see Lucien settling in the night court and leaving his own friends. There are no stakes but Elain’s and Lucien’s awkwardness around each other + Elain’s feelings for Azriel. Elain’s and Lucien’s plot connects though so at least there’s that, SJM could ship them off on a mission together and make them get closer. Forced proximity sort of thing. 
If gwynriel happens then = we lost the whole plot, ignored the foreshadowing and hints found in the actual book. Mentor to lovers, civil with each other. Azriel has to move on from Elain first though and that could be icky. Healing journey, more Valkyries training. So we pick up from where we left off in acosf, and we’d see Azriel trying to get her to come out of the Library, or he goes to visit her there until she agrees to come out again. Maybe if Gwyn is a lightsinger then idk more training with Azriel? Again, no stakes but Gwyn’s trauma and Azriel’s self doubt oh and also his feelings for Elain. But that’s it, Gwyn as of now does not connect to the overall plot with the troves (she’s not made therefore she can’t use them) or koschei. So I don’t see us making her go on a mission like that. I’ve seen a lot of gwynriles saying Gwyn has spy potential idk where, but she could barely keep a secret for Nesta so I highly doubt she’d be keeping secrets for the IC. 
Ps: the original koschei plot is 3 sisters marrying 3 very powerful wizards and like idk 3 sisters 3 brothers…we can have a retelling ya know 
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mournings-stars · 2 months
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hopefully this isnt too much but how would the gals ((i mean all the hazbin hotel gals if you are willing)) react to you being ovverstimmed? likke the reader has autism and everything in the moment is too much for them how would everyone react and handle the issue? sorry if the spellingn sucks but as someone who has autism id love to see more of some around an autisic reader?
i rly love this ask!! thanks for taking time to chat with me ab it<3 i wrote from a mix of my experience with being overstimulated and some of what we chatted ab but here u go! i didn’t include all the girls but i hope u like :)
charlie
she has a pair of headphones ready for you whenever youre going somewhere where it might be too loud after a while
has a playlist of your favorite songs to help relax
doesn’t bug you, just asks if you want headphones and smiles when you’re shocked that she brought them
“i also made a playlist — or four — i really like this one because…” then she’d have to remind herself that she can over explain it later and handed over her phone
if you got irritable or didn’t want to talk she’d understand but she’d definitely hold your hand if you were okay with it (shes all about reassurance)
vaggie
she is very aware when things get to be too much for you
“do you wanna go?” if you nodded she’d gladly leave with you but if you said no she’d give you some other options since it can sometimes be hard to articulate what would help
she of course knows what helps you calm down the most, so she’ll give you those options and let you pick
you’re definitely trading in your waited blanket for her wings once she has them back
rosie
she can also tell when things are getting to be too much
say you go to one of cannibal towns many music nights, if thing are getting hectic she’ll have them tone it down before it gets to be too much
of course things can just come on (seemingly) out of the blue though, so whenever that happens she’ll take you home if you want to leave, make you both some tea after getting you your favorite blanket to wrap yourself in, and put some soft jazz on her old radio
if you’re a little snippy with her (i get extremely irritable when im overstimulated) she’ll back off, make sure there aren’t any harsh lights to bother you and check in later
emily
i hc that em probably gets overstimulated too at times being a younger seraphim and all that so she definitely knows how to help
if you’re walking down the promenade and she can tell you’re getting overstimmed, fidgeting, itching, just seeming overall uncomfortable, she’ll offer her headphones and if it’s okay she’ll put a wing around you to help you feel a little more secure
she’d definitely be the type to have every single option available so if you like to have something to do with your hands to help you relax, dont worry she has anything you could possibly want
definitely owns several weighted blankets so dont worry about that either
gives plenty of options but not too many at a time cause she knows that could be overwhelming
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hxltic · 2 years
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ARTICULATE KENMA KOZUME
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• Genre: smut
• Warnings: best friends, hands kink, squirting, eating you out, fingering, lap dance, face riding, age up/time skip
• For bonus points the realization he likes you vibe is
🎶 SWEATER WEATHER
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You make it upstairs to Kenma’s bedroom, unlocking the door in full swing. He only casts you a glance.
This was a normal occurrence. You would barge into his room, go on a rant (unaware if he was listening or not), sleep in his bed, wake up, do his grown out hair, then bother him some more; all while he was on the game. The stream welcomes you, hi’s and hello’s flooding the chat each time he’s live.
His bed was comfy too. Had the really fluffy comforter with matching pillows, always in disarray. There have been many times where you even cleaned his room out of pure boredom, but you don’t mind. You’d rather be bored in his company than alone.
But little do you know, as you go on and on about your day, Kenma listens to the entirety of it even as he’s playing. Mixed calls of your voice and footsteps from the game he’s on confuse him sometimes, he won’t deny, but it’s never enough to tell you to stop talking. People get it mixed up; Kenma is actually a great multi-tasker, he just doesn’t want to. As you kick your legs on his bed and fiddle with his things, when he gets free time from the loading screen he looks at you rather than the countless missed messages he has. He’ll let you know he’s there and does truly enjoy your company.
Every time this will put a smile on your face. Knowing how he won’t judge you, but will sit in contentment and put up with you all day. You make yourself at home by changing into your shorts behind him. He already turned the stream off and his headset was wrapped around his neck. He definitely can see you reflecting through his monitor as well.
It takes everything in him not to turn around—not like you would’ve minded—but you are his best friend. Kuroo hates hearing it, and you always laugh in his face whenever Kenma refuses to answer the question. He quite literally is most comfortable with you, messing that up with these tucked away feelings is something he’ll never be okay with. Past girlfriends had issues with his lack of attention and that’s not how he wants to be with you. Yet, that’s also how these feelings came to be in the first place: your patience with him.
Settling on a bag of chips and a soda he keeps in his mini-fridge, you sit criss-cross on his bed, able to watch him play from afar.
Kenma can feel your eyes burning holes in the back of his head. This isn’t anything new, he is a streamer after all—but for the first time in a while, he gets shy. He feels obligated to play better than how he was before you were looking.
The gameplay was great, you thought, but his hands were mesmerizing. You’ve never thought about it in detail. You weren’t a very fast typer on a keyboard as nobody really taught you and you grew up with controllers, but he does it gracefully with so much ease.
You would say almost like his hands are an extension of him, but they are.
You’ve tried many times where someone would remind you just to practice. Never practicing on your own time, you still got all your documents and essays wrote the same.
“What?” He inquiries. He twists in his gaming chair to meet you.
“Oh nothing, just looking at the pretty lights on your keyboard.” You try to flash a convincing smile, but it wasn’t convincing enough. He curled his eyebrow up incredulously, 100% sure you were lying.
“I turned them off with the stream. It’s distracting.” He corrects.
Fuck. How did you not notice? The lie you subconsciously came up with would have worked in any other situation but this one. Now he awaits your reply as your face figuratively flushes.
“I was looking at how you play.”
“Mhmm.” The lobby pulls back up, giving Kozume all the time in the world. “You want a closer look?”
You go wide-eyed for a second. Him motioning you over was enough for your body to get up, and walk itself towards his setup. You loved his hands though. You’d get him to do little things like pass drinks or pick up something just to see them flex. You weren’t sure if he knew, but it was just a small thing you liked. Nothing major until you started imagining them inside of you.
You situated yourself on his knee. There were no other seats available and you hoped he wouldn’t think too much of it. He took your hands gently in his and placed them correctly on the keyboard. Left on ‘A,’ ‘S,’ ’D,’ and ‘F,’ and right on ‘J,’ ‘K,’ ‘L,’ and the semicolon. He used his own to flatten out yours after he told you how, then let you have the mouse.
The grown out blonde was pulled into a small ponytail. Some of it was left down to cascade over his face, just how he liked. He says it lowers his peripheral vision in public, making it easier to mind his own business. The original black of his hair is now the majority over the bleach yellow.
He was barely holding up. He knows exactly what he’s doing, but any self control he had left when he caught a glimpse of you comfortably on his bed, in your low tank top, staring at him. This was the moment he realized there was a pretty girl in his room, everyday. Then when you casually took a seat on him, he cursed at himself internally.
He started the game and you played. He constantly coached you through it.
“Your sensitivity is really high—I can’t see.”
“Turn it down, I’ll turn it back up next time.”
With his help and his hand over yours on the mouse, you finally got to the end of the game, with some screaming included.
“PLEASE WHAT DO I DO-”
His voice was raised too so you could hear him over yourself, just nowhere near your octave. “Take a left it’s right there.”
“OH GOD WAIT-”
“That’s right-”
You were too excited and almost fell off. His hands quickly wrapped around your waist as you were falling, pulling you back up, except farther with your back to his chest. He held you tightly when he caught you, not dispersing his strength correctly. Now you were sure you wouldn’t fall off.
“Thanks.”
Naturally you got comfortable, moving around and standing up a bit to fix yourself, but Kenma was practically dying behind you. You realize he never let go. You watch him focus downwards as you rub against him, seemingly lost in his own thoughts with his hands slowly moving down to your hips. You sit your hands on the arms of the gaming chair and stare back at him until he looks up at you.
No words are exchanged as you look curiously at each other.
Experimenting, you sink back down slow, twisting your hips, purposefully grinding on him. You observe his face slightly change then revert. Sitting all the way down and innocently wiggling, you ‘correct’ your shorts and pull them up, directing his attention there. You turn back around to his mouth left apart and golden eyes suddenly a dark mustard; still on your waist.
Time seems to have stopped as the blonde imagines you flipped in lewd positions. His eyes find yours once again, but almost instantly they go to your lips.
Fuck it, let’s make those a reality. He thinks.
His hand wraps around to your cheek, pushing your lips onto his. He pulls you even closer. Gently trailing his right hand down to your throat while his left rests caressing your hip, you moan into the kiss.
He is everywhere. Every place on your body seems to be occupied by him, and you wouldn’t want anything else. You didn’t even realize how much you wanted him (until you were sideways with his tongue down your throat), but those nicely manicured hands of his were being put to good use. His holding hand goes up to your chest to push through your bra and straight to your breast. He enhances his movements with bites on your neck.
There have been times where you’ve ranted about bad hook-ups, and all of it is being put into work now. He listened as you went on and on about that one spot right under your ear that was most sensitive, yet nobody seemed to find it even though it was marked with a tiny mole.
He listened as you preferred men who fuck with their hips rather than pure strength—off stream of course.
He listened as your friend went ballistic about you being at his house so often, leaving your scent in his bed.
No wonder he actually sleeps now.
“K-Kozume you’re-”
“Mmm.”
Still with your head thrown backwards over his shoulder, he puts two fingers of his in your mouth.
“Be nice for me and keep that pretty mouth shut.”
You couldn’t do anything but oblige as more fingers drag towards your center, slipping past your panties. He circles your clit, attentive to your body’s reaction through your eyes. He watches you gag on his digits.
It was all new to you, especially with him. You’ve never seen him like this, all riled up, the words he just spoke rolling so easily off the tongue.
He lets you breathe before removing himself and making you stand. He twirls you around like a doll, then pulls you back down by your chin, spreading your legs. Kenma would never admit how many times he’s thought about you straddling him.
Swift and unnoticed he unclips your bra. Rolling your hips seemed to be the best option at the time while your head twisted to suck his tongue. This position doesn’t last long when he gets a hold on your thighs, stands, then takes you over to his bed with your arms around his neck (in place of the long-discarded headset).
Almost dropping you on your back, you giggle. He smiles against your skin at your childishness and leaves small impactful kisses down to your belly button. You’re extremely ticklish, but that only added excitement to the feeling. An intimidating gaze flows through pretty lashes when he slowly pulls down your shorts, underwear following suit.
To be honest, this wasn’t the first time you’ve thought about something like this with Kenma. If anything you wanted your first to be him, the trust and (what you thought was platonic) love would keep the fine relationship between you two going. The occasion has passed though, and you could care less. Not when he was enjoying himself between your legs.
Pushing both thighs to the bed, he gives himself a clear view. Instantly he buries himself in you with his hair in his face. Starting off slow, his tongue spells his name on the bud repeatedly, sucking to punctuate. Anything that slips out of his mouth immediately goes back in wetter than it came out. He forms his tongue in different shapes too: sometimes it’s flat, sometimes it’s elongated; you stopped looking after a while when your head got tired of holding itself up. He closed his eyes as he occasionally slurped through you. Really, he ate you like you were the last thing he’d ever taste. From his point of view, this was almost everything he’s ever wanted anyway. You.
“You taste amazing.”
You whimpered, you had no idea where he got this from. It was short but he said it so casually. Your moans echoed through his room with the faint sound of the lobby music from his PC. Your back rose with each flick of his tongue, and when your hands found his hair, he groaned against you in…frustration? His pony fell out and the scrunchie was gone. The grip on your thighs tightened with the vibration, giving pleasure to the both of you. Kenma was undeniably good with his hands just as you expected.
His tongue explores you so well he has to keep you still. As you thrash and twist to run away (while also somehow attempting to get closer), he pulls you right back down every single time with no problem. On his side it actually wasn’t easy. You put up a hell of a fight.
He continuously sucks you, teasing both lips but keeping the nub occupied—nobody has ever ate you like this from the many who have tried. Once he added two fingers and they reached the one spot yours never could, you knew it was your last try. The thumb on the same hand cleverly rolled over your center while his fingers did work. He took this time to stare up at you and kiss your stomach as well. The legerdemain he had was alluring. Finally, he pulls you downwards for the last time, eagerly getting you to cum on his hand whilst sucking. He actually thought you tasted like cranberries.
“You wanna cum? Go ahead, I won’t stop you.”
Once your eyes were rolling back and you went silent, he knew it was over. Pulling them out quick, he smeared your already drenched clit quickly, stimulating you to the max. The bracelets on his wrist rattled.
“You love my fingers in more ways than one huh?”
Before you knew it you were gushing down his arm. He kept going, testing to see how much you could push out. You quickly looked up in shock with heaves, you never even knew you could squirt; but the clear liquid leaking down his hand was proof enough. You judged that if anyone could get you to, it was him. He only looked amused so the change in expression was refreshing…but what. the. fuck.
“Shit, you get better by the second.” He entertains.
You just squirted for your best friend.
Almost immediately going back down, he continued. He feeds off your pulsing clit, licking and slurping away. You watch as he sucks and stretches out the skin from the suction of his mouth.
“fuck-Ken please!”
And that was when he heard it: his first name. If he wasn’t as hard as he thought he could get, he was now. You only ever called him by his last name, just as he did you and Kuroo—he never thought he’d hear it.
“Say it again.” He came up.
“Kozume.” You whined out.
He made sure he had a good hold on your body before rolling over. With this, his movements never concluded. You naturally followed. With every rock of your hips, he grew more focused on making you cum again. You could never get over it, he was so pretty. Never in panic when doing anything. Your hair was a mess, your muscles were jolting; but what could you do? Stop him?
As you rode his face he looked the most content you’ve ever seen. It would seem like you were overstimulating yourself, and even though the hand you had in his hair brought forth grunts of his own, it was all him. Reaching back with any energy you had left you dipped your hand past his sweats to jerk him off.
It was big. You couldn’t even see it. Based on how it felt in your hand though, it wouldn’t be easy slipping that in your mouth. The second orgasm approached quickly rather than building up this time, making the task of helping him out harder. His hands roamed your spine, until one found your hair and pulled by the root.
“Mmmoh my goddd…” You slurred.
With your back arched, your voice contorted a few pitches higher than usual. Ken seemed to suck harder than before. He never wanted to disconnect from you so wherever your body moved away with desperate rolls of your hips, he just sat up and followed.
When you looked down at him, realization settled in that this was your best friend of six years, almost making you feel guilty. He instantly washed this away when his eyes opened to yours. You peered down at him, mouth agape, your second orgasm rolling over you as he held prolonged eye contact.
“Kozume…”
©hxltic
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piratefalls · 5 months
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i'm incapable of keeping these short. it's my burden to bear. also, extra long and also early this week because next week is kind of up in the air.
list one. list two. list three. list four. list five. list six. list seven.
a hundred thrown-out speeches i almost said to you by ivysunna
Henry sinks down into his desk chair, groaning. “How could this happen to me? I meet the most beautiful, charming man to ever grace the earth, and he just happens to work for the store my company is planning to run out of business? In what universe is that fair?” “In none of them, darling,” Pez murmurs. “Did you tell him, by any chance?” “Of course not! What was I supposed to say: ‘Hi, I’d really like to take you out to dinner, and by the way, my family owns Mountchristen Books, the company currently running all small family-owned bookstores out of business? I hope that’s ok?’” “Maybe not in those exact terms…” “It’s doomed,” Henry moans, burying his face in his hands. “My relationship with Alex is ruined before it could even begin.”
Weighted by stripyjumpers
Alex gets Henry a very thoughtful birthday gift.
Minty Fresh by inexplicablymine
How do you ask someone you so ardently adore, to spend the rest of their life with you? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health. To ask a question. To ask the question. It’s the singular most defining moment of a relationship until the (hopefully inevitable) wedding bells. It’s defining, it’s definite, it’s dreadful.
What Forever Looks Like by politics_and_prose
The last thing he’s expecting once they’re home and settled in is Alex to say, “I think I’d want our kids to come by the shelter whenever they could.” Henry, completely caught off guard with a mouth full of pizza, asks, “Huh?”
just give me a minute by smc_27
Alex isn’t obsessed. He just thinks Henry is fucking beautiful and perfect and smart and so, so talented. He just thinks Henry’s fingers look gorgeous on his piano. He just thinks they like the same things and have similar opinions. And he just thinks if they could be in the same place at the same time, they might like, have something. Okay, he’s a little obsessed. Or: Alex is trying to be a GROUPIE here, but his kindness keeps getting in the way.
Ignite My Heart by absoluteaudacity
“So, I’m making you an account and we’re going to swipe right on some men and you can thank me later,” Pez says. -- The 'We met on Tinder' AU
i hit my peak at seven feet by HypnosTherapy
He told Phillip first. It was a tremendously stupid idea he can only excuse by the fact that he was thirteen at the time. He thought his brother might help him talk to their parents. He didn’t know how to articulate it feels like there are hands closing around my spine and twisting or sometimes my legs hurt so bad that walking feels like I’ve got glass buried in my feet. He trusted his brother, and even more than that he wanted the desultory and relentless agony to go away. Phillip didn’t tell their parents. He told their grandfather. --- Now that he’s taken a step back from public life, Henry can relax. Without constant pressure to stand up straight and smile through the pain, some cracks start appearing in his facade. Alex starts to notice. (AKA 3 times Henry dealt with chronic pain symptoms by himself + 1 time Alex was there to help.)
A Multitude of Instances by orphan_account
Henry’s taken notice of one of Alex’s verbal patterns.
A Stork Beneath London Bridge by MarvelMerlin
Henry was supposed to be enjoying his first fully American Thanksgiving, filled with first hand witnessing of the Turkey Horrors and strangely sweet vegetable dishes. But in a single whispered phrase the world turns immaterial, Alex is his only anchoring point, and the black suit carefully packed over every single trip is being laid out on the pretty pink bedspread.
Back, Bring it Back by @sparklepocalypse
Scowling, Alex closes the laptop and sits back in his chair in his guest suite at Buckingham Palace to rub his eyes beneath his glasses, then runs a hand through his gray-streaked curls. He’s the youngest American President since Obama, has helped usher in groundbreaking legislation protecting workers’ rights and shoring up long-outdated social justice policies, and has actually made headway on tax equity, and the instant he’s in London the entire focus is back on the worst day of his goddamn life. (A soulmate AU futurefic that pivots away from canon after Alex storms the castle, but aside from two tiny movie-specific details would work in both bookverse and movieverse.)
kiss it better by lem0nademouth
Alex had a long day. Henry is fine with making it a long night.
First Pillow Princess by lovelythething
While they had talked about spicing it up in the bedroom, it seemed despite being two guys who wanted to change the world, they easily slid into normalcy with each other. But they weren't in the bedroom. They were on a well-worn sofa, high on exhaustion, and blessedly all alone.
please don't ever become a stranger (whose laugh i could recognize anywhere) by coffeecatsme
Alex’s love language is physical touch. Henry knows this—has known it from the first moment he’s met Alex, all wild curls and bright eyes and a smile that could breathe life into Henry’s little, fragile life. He’d stuck out a hand at that first meeting, dejected when Henry didn’t even take it. Found a way to poke and prod Henry every single time they’d met after, sharp jabs hitting his shoulder and rough hits shoving him around. Now, Alex’s fingers are gentle as they lace around his. His arms hold him tight to his chest. His hair tickles the nape of Henry’s neck, and the couch is entirely too small for the two of them but Henry doesn’t have the heart to kick him out. Or, 5 times Alex clings tight to Henry and 1 time Henry finds out why.
Just come along, baby, take my hand by kiwiana
“Uh, yeah, because you put on a sex dungeon show.” “It’s not a sex dungeon show. She’s helping people prioritise their sex lives and make space for it, in whatever form they may want it. It’s reinforcing emotional connections.”
Lay All Your Love On Me by lucy_in_the_sky
A lot has changed for his and Henry’s public persona since the emails leaked. Gone are the days they could shamelessly flirt with teasing touches and love-sick stares across crowded ballrooms, back when the whole world wrote off their relationship as a “bromance for the ages” since obviously they’re both incredibly heterosexual and are simply the best of friends. Now, wary of all the eyes suddenly scrutinising their relationship, they’ve taken to spicing up their sex life in different ways to still feel the thrill of clandestine hookups in the middle of important events and public appearances. Hence the whole ‘Alex wearing a vibrating plug that Henry controls while at a public function’ thing. And Jesus fucking Christ, it’s the hottest thing that’s ever happened to him.
Closer To You by bibliosoph
Some sexy times! Thanks to Len for the prompt! Happy belated birthday, Beth! This terrible smut is for you!
Just Business by bleedingballroomfloor
“I just need you to know that this is strictly a business relationship.” Henry blinks. His brain is taking a minute to process everything — meeting Alex. Dozens of pictures lining his office walls, each featuring a different persona of his. Brochures upon brochures, prices upon prices. It’s a bit overwhelming. “You’re asking for a lot here,” Alex continues, “and that means we’ll be spending a lot of time together. A Golden Tux. You’re asking me to pull off a Golden Tux, Henry. But I need you to know that this is just business.” Henry knows he’s asking for a lot. A best man. A wedding party. Time with his family. He knows that this should only be about business. He knows. (He also knows that Alex is very, very attractive, and he knows that this will be a long four weeks with Alex.)
choke me like you hate me (but you love me) by anonymous
What’s left for them to do? Something slaps against the skin of his chest. Ah. A classic. 
Really Fucking French by everwitch
Henry likes his men direct. It is, in part, why he so often indulges in setting his location on the apps to Paris — although the gratifying results he yields from that exercise are definitely partly down to a significant selection bias as well. But if Henry had never swiped on Parisian men, he'd never have connected with Antoine; dark curls and dimples and an absolutely lethal smile. Antoine is absolutely perfect. Too perfect. It's a pity that he must be a catfish. The man in Antoine's photos, however? He is very, very real. Or: the self-indulgent Paris romp we all need after this trying time.
from the mouths of babes by cricketnationrise
3 times Lina Claremont-Diaz-Fox didn't know what Henry does for a living and 1 time she absolutely does.
nobody panic, but i've broken my leg by annesbonny
He collects his phone from Cash who's been holding onto his possessions, and shoots off a text to the group chat between pained breaths. nobody panic, but i’ve broken my leg. Then he slips it away again before he can read June's outraged response. In which Alex Claremont Diaz breaks his leg at a charity Lacrosse game.
Subtle promises by viciouslyqueer
Alex breaks the kiss. His hand falls away. Henry blinks his eyes open, unsurprised. He’s panting, they both are, breathing heavily after kissing like they don’t need oxygen to live. Alex is watching him with flushed cheeks and red kissed lips, an unreadable look in his eyes. “Hey,” he says quietly. “Can we… Can we stop?” “Yeah,” Henry says immediately, anticipating the question. “Of course, love.”  — In which Henry starts a conversation and Alex realizes he's loved no matter what.
Most People Exist by SprigsofViolets
Henry Fox is a nurse at the New York Cancer Center. He’s happy with his job, content enough with his life, but it all gets turned on its head when he connects with a patient with a brain tumor—Alex Claremont-Diaz. ——— Henry is a nurse, Alex is a patient, I suck at summaries.
Never a Guarantee by clottedcreamfudge
Henry – Prince Henry, third in line for the throne of Windsor and Alex's goddamn betrothed – has very soft hands. Alex knows this because he is literally holding them in his, both of them standing in front of just about everyone with a title in either of their two kingdoms, while a man in an extremely large hat has them repeat oaths and other things Alex has been learning by heart since he got engaged. * Looking back on their time at the altar, Alex should maybe have read a little more into the way Henry kissed him like it was the last time.
Boy, I Fancy You by allmylovesatonce
When Alex has a break off of work, he decides to get away and spend that time in London. On his first day there, he meets Henry and sparks immediately fly between them. As they spend the summer together, touring the city and enjoying each other, Alex continues to keep a very big secret about himself: who he really is.
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy by cmere
"Would now be the moment," Henry says, breath catching, "to tell you about a little fantasy I've had concerning you and horses?" Alex snickers. "Uh, I don't know, babe. If this is going the way it sounds, I'm not sure you should say anything you won't be able to take back." "Oh, Christ, shut it," Henry says, laughing, still not stopping the motions of his hand. "The horse aspect is nonsexual." "Okay, well in that case. Yes. Obviously." Alex grips his own thigh, refusing to give in and touch Henry, or himself. For now. As long as he can stand it. As it turns out, Alex isn't the only one who has a thing for his beloved on a horse. Henry's birthday seems like a good time to make use of that new information.
Tattoo Guns & Roses by schmulte
Henry comes to Austin to escape. When he opens a tattoo parlor across the way from a flower shop run by Alex, they learn to work together to protect their neighborhood and their hearts.
under the tuscan sun by stutteringpeach
The villa is, in a word, perfect. Set into the hillside and built in the classic Tuscan style, all brick and white-washed walls, with just one small bedroom and an en-suite upstairs, a cosy sitting room and a tiny kitchen downstairs. There’s a large table on the patio where Henry can already see himself drinking tea in the morning and writing late into the night. There’s even a pool. There is, however, one slight problem. There’s someone else here.
love me forever (fix me right) by sherryvalli
Alex has the perfect life. The perfect job, the perfect apartment, the perfect boyfriend. Everything’s perfect. He’s never been happier. Except for the fact that his boyfriend’s dad fucking hates him.
my eclipsed sun by weather_stained
“Alex, is there any way you can come? We’ve sent our security over, but if…if I’m right about what’s upset him, I have a feeling Henry’s not going to want to see anyone but you.” “I’m already booked on the next flight out.” Alex zips up his pack and slings it over one shoulder, keeping Bea held to his ear as he bounds down the stairs. Cash is waiting for him in the car, ready to chase Henry across the Atlantic for the second time in four years. It’s almost nostalgic—or it would be if he could stop shaking. After an important meeting with Mary, Henry is nowhere to be found. Alex drops everything to make sure he's safe.
tread softly (because you tread on my dreams) by helenblqckthorn
His stomach drops though when he realises he’s still hard. Shit. Think of Gran, think of very unattractive old lady wrinkles, think of England— Henry's point of view of the Red Room scene (or: the Hamilton portrait scene)
in time of daffodils by iphigenias
“Alright, alright, I get it. The solemn duty of academia calls.” Alex laughs as Henry play-shoves him, curling a hand protectively over the rim of his mug to stop it spilling. “So are you mine now?” “I’m always yours,” Henry answers, devastating and matter-of-fact, like he so often is. Alex hears himself make a groaning sort of sound before he’s putting his coffee down on the windowsill and climbing over the back of the sofa to get right on top of Henry, who laughs, muffled into Alex’s shoulder. “Careful with the—” Henry starts to say, but Alex’s knee has already nudged the laptop from the cushion to the carpet, where it lands with a dull thump. “Never mind,” Henry sighs, and the tail of the word catches into Alex’s mouth as he turns their bodies just so, so they’re kissing.
What to Wear by @whimsymanaged
Henry is going to a dress-up party but has nothing to wear.
How wonderful life is (while you're in the world) by mlvdybug
The corner of Henry’s mouth. It’s disappeared now, covered by the oxygen mask fixed securely around his head, but if Alex concentrates hard enough, he can see it sprawled out in front of him. Every ridge, every bend and edge and turn of it.  He knows Henry’s heart. And that’ll be enough.  (or: the one where henry gets shot and alex is a goddamn mess.)
Baby, it's Halloween and we can be anything by sheisraging
Alex is furious. More furious than he should be about the whole thing, but still. Plans were made. Money was spent. Costumes were purchased—not even rented—purchased!
you make it look so easy, i know it's not by anincompletelist
Bea’s to his left, speaking frantically on the phone with who Henry hopes is the fire brigade or someone else trained to deal with these— situations. In front of him, Pez is fumbling frustratedly with the water hose, showcasing his colorful vocabulary with a flourish of jerky hand movements and chaotic pacing. On either side of the fence, his neighbors are peaking over the sides to ask if everything’s okay, and Henry feels the resolution to make a good first impression crumbling and slipping rapidly out of his grasp. Even David watches on from inside the house, his sage eyes and patriotic bowtie appraising the scene and looking back to Henry as if to say I told you so. And the fryer — the fryer itself is up in flames, thick gray smoke swirling up into the air and soaring high above the tree line now. In the distance, the echo of sirens. Henry may faint right here, in the middle of his backyard at his new home before he's even unpacked, with all the neighbors and his family and friends watching on, on his first official American Thanksgiving. It is, by all means, not what he’d envisioned for the day. 
'til the walls did crumble and by ninzied
So much for using the wrong fork at dinner. He’s pretty sure this is a thousand times worse. Hundred-thousand? Nora could give him the exact number. Also, he’s pretty sure there’s still buttercream on his ass. . Or, Alex has his bisexual awakening in a bathroom at Buckingham Palace, and also finds leftover cake in Henry’s hair. The two things are not not related.
Bisexual Disaster Alex Claremont-Diaz by TuppingLiberty
Five times Alex wears an amusing bi pride shirt to Brooklyn Pride, and one time both he and Henry do it.
Moon Bride (To Have and To Hold) by SatinBirds
When the man is brought before him, it’s as if the whole world stops. Clad in delicate gossamer, his apparent frailty is accentuated by the sheer fabric. It is likely a cheap attempt to entice him, yet it only elicits displeasure from the king. He already wishes to dress this fragile figure in the veil of his people, cover him from invidious and lustful eyes.
once, successfully by vibrantsaturn
ACD okay, so. full disclosure and just so you know, i'm not into men or anything HYou're literally on Grindr right now? ACD ok??? and i guess people who are lactose intolerant can't walk down the fucking dairy aisle, huh???? i'm just looking, man or, Grindr, once (un)successfully, etc., etc.
kiss me through the phone by violetbaudelairequagmire
[Unknown Number] *Attached image: a shirtless, tanned torso, cropped at the top of shoulders, holding up two brightly patterned ties* which 1? Excuse me? or, Alex accidentally texts the wrong number and then just never stops.
Risotto + Melanze + Dolce (a love story) by villiageidiot
Alex doesn’t necessarily need a job—a full course load (plus some) is more than enough to fill his time—but he hasn’t had much of a social life since starting law school, and his coffee habit could use a few extra dollars. When June tells him the restaurant is looking for help, particularly on their Thursday Spaghetti Special night, he halfheartedly agrees. Everything that happens thereafter is technically her fault, a fact he likes pointing out any time she tries to yell at him for something, like serving uncooked garlic bread, or accidentally making a grown man cry, or breaking public indecency laws. Or: Alex works at an Italian restaurant and is very bad at it. Henry is a customer and doesn’t seem to mind.
until next time! if you'd like to be tagged in future lists for whatever reason, let me know!
tagging: @starkfridays, @stilesgivesmefeels
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0daylighthours0 · 23 days
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My Mother's Unbiased Byler + Milkvan Opinions - Viewing ST for the 1st Time!
(UPDATE)
My Mama has now witnessed Stranger Things in its entirety. Her favourite season was the third, her favourite characters Hopper and Joyce, her favourite pairing would be those guys too, and her most disliked pairing? Can only assume.
I wanted to write out her thoughts on the second to last episode previously, as she'd held many, but before I knew it we'd finished the whole show and I was forced to an income of NEW opinions which ruled out my memory of any old ones. Shucks. But boy did this lady have much to say. The only way I can break it down is by providing a sample of quotes she'd delivered, in order, a day after having finished the series.
All are just things she said about milkvan and byler, as they're this post's main focus. There's simply much to say about these relationships too, being so up in the air over where they ought be expected to turn out. These are all direct quotes too (as I typed as she talked, unkown to her) so you'll have to excuse the natural way in which some lines come off as unfocused, being written after real time conversations. Let's get into it:
Ok I really don't know whether she likes Mike very much. She actively disliked the guy earlier on, and now her feelings appear to be more mixed. A lot of her discussion was solely around this guy's actions.
"It's almost like he's [Mike] forcing himself like- ok Hopper he was kind of very passionate and kissing, you know he sort of instantly- with Mike, from being obsessed and spending so much time with her [El], suddenly he starts cooling off more and more and suddenly- they even separated right? I mean yeah that was out of his control but he, but he didn't really seem like he missed her you know it's like he just got on with it."
This point caught me off guard. I don't know how much I agree with my mother on this. It made me realize that during Mike and El's separation, there weren't many quiet Mike moments in which he expressed worry for her, beyond a couple that blend into him simply having breakup concerns. Any time Mike mentions distress for her whilst she's away, his talk evolves into him simply anxious over the state of their relationship. As a group, everyone in our Cali gang clearly wanted to save Eleven, but Mike really should have gotten more heartfelt moments in solitude (that means without Will you suffer bros) in which it is demonstrated to the audience that he really does miss her, as someone who is in love. Her being away shouldn't simply come off as a writing excuse for him to vent to Will. There wasn't enough of that tenderness milkvan desperately needs, and if anything I watched was an attempt then it really wasn't translated well - never trumping everyone else's familial or close frienship-like fret for El, never showcasing his concern to come from a more personal place. I mean how hard is it to have him in her room, staring longingly at a photo of hers, with a background composed of soft music. Then literally leaving it at that. I mean that is it. No Will rushing in there to insist, "you can tell her that thing when you see her k? It'll all work out trust me ight, you're the heart you're the HEART!" que affectionate gazes, constructs a byler scene for no reason I guess .
"I mean how do we know that he missed Will? He articulated it. Why didn't he articulate this the same way to El?"
True. I mean the fact that I can't remember a moment after they find El in which milkvan ask oneanother how they are, and communicate how much they missed eachother, does indeed say something. They shared a hug and touch when they first reunited, which was gladly interrupted by Will. That pineapple + pizza thing was not long enough, or sensitive enough, to be their moment. There was clear bonding, but it didn't breach a level of romance and chemistry nearly decently. It's good that they got at least that, I mean we need to know that these guys are at LEAST really close friends. And then the camera just felt like panning over to Will about to burst into tears in a corner. Like huh? Bruv you've now made it so that milkvan's pizza bit leaves a bad taste in our mouths. If I were a milkvan I'd be furious.
"You know what, I think it's done purposefully to create that sort of cold, distant, confused, you know they wanted to make people say he's [Mike] bisexual. For people to question. They want to get people to think that."
My Mama believes writers intentionally soured milkvan for viewers to "confuse" audiences, build up anticipation, make them question milkvan's relationship and wonder if our main man will spin to Will. I agree. They want that good ol' triangle comeuppance.
"They really are trying to bring that across- so that people start thinking Mike, you know he doesn't love El, he loves Will. They're really trying to, make people think that. Giving them [milkvan] a really nitty gritty relationship."
Yup.
"When you're gay. Coming out like that it's- it's terrifying. You have to be very careful. And Will could, he could tell. You know when someone is attracted to you. I think, things became sort of- sort of complicated. And Will sensed, he could feel that Mike is attracted to him. And that's why he could open up like that. Because you can always tell. You know, you just know, so that's why Will was able to confess these things to him [she sees painting scene as a confession, whether Mike realized it or not, and so do I]."
Well damn Mama. And there you have it folks. My.. I'm not gonna call her the h word but.. my- notabigfanofgaythingsandwouldbehappytopretendtheydon'texist mother, perceives Mike as a homosexual kid, and just that. Well bloomin heck that's all the confirmation I need.
I didn't expect this as a turnout, I mean so particularly. My Mama actually didn't like byler - I think. Well. Bloomin heck. She actually enjoyed Vickie x Robin, and this shocked me to my core. I don't know whether this is simply due to her being a fan of Vickie's actress (recognizing her from Anne With an 'E'), but I do know that my mother has a bias in gay relationships and sees ones involving females as more "pure" than that of two males. So her language when describing Will has changed since her realization that he loves Mike for sure (which became undeniable in the van scene). She describes him as being 'obsessed' with Mike, and says writers really wanted to get that obsession across. I agree with Will having been one note during season 4, him hopefully having more time to shine in the approaching season, but I thoroughly disagree with him coming off as obsessive. I suppose our camera man displayed the guy's little glances at Mike so often that my Mama felt it was overdone, and unable to be ignored. I also think she's just avoiding use of the word 'love' when describing anything homosexual.
She still doesn't think Mike demonstrates how much he loves El enough to leave no room for debate. According to her, his moments with her seem surface level. Just as a reminder she does not know my thoughts. She watched that entire 'I love you' thing and still isn't secure in any genuineness of the guy. I believe she supposes that we're intended to acknowledge milkvan's romance, but also probe it.
I now wonder whether my Mama was good enough representation for the average audience, because she actually does own a bias - this being that she usually actively dislikes gay things. So I puzzle over whether her brain overanalyzed any of the boys' highlights, wanting to "expose" their homo intentions. At first things were up in the air, but it became clear that Mike did not pass her gaydar, he was simply too intimate with Will to make that pass. And this wasn't the case in other seasons, she never questioned their friendship til now. She also hasn't acknowledged any supposedly queer relationships besides rickie (vobin?) and byler, meaning that other fan favourites such as elmax, steddie, ronance and such else didn't stand out as gay to her. This doesn't signify those other relationships to not have a chance, I'm elmax's personal cheersquad, it's plainly clear that my mother didn't have a tendency to point at every same sex relationship and yell suspicious. Byler was purely undeniable. You can thank Will's love being canoned for this, otherwise noone would have a need to read into Mike.
I don't know whether she supposes byler to have a chance moreso than the milk in the van, even with Mike's ambiguity. It would seem that as of right now her guess is that watchers are intended to second guess both relationships in order to build up interest. However, she doesn't know how unlikely Will's love life is to turn out negatively seeing as those damn writers manipulated crowds into consistently sympathizing for him. Dunno about the rest of you but that sounds like good news to me.
I have no idea how to close this analysis. Is it an analysis? There's much more I want to say, much more she said, but I fear this to be too jam-packed and aimless as is. I'm writing a third part to my most recent milkthevan failing relationship deep dive, and that'll possibly consist of thoughts I wish to input after gathering so much data from my mother.
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bedtimegiraffe · 1 month
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I finally figured out why all the party members in Book 2 come out as so frustratingly self-focused to me.
It's not because they're all struggling with their own stuff. It's all about shelving your agenda- that thing in a relationship where you go, 'You need my support right now, so we're going to worry about my thing later.'
And MC does this constantly.
I just barely escaped death and found out a year passed, but is Kade recovered from the Shadow Court?
I just almost drowned, but it's time to comfort this owlbear cub and unpack Valax's trauma!
I just almost died twice to the Ash Empress, but is Nia coping with being corrupted okay?
Which can be okay. Shelving your agenda is part of a healthy relationship of any kind.
The problem is that no one does it back. I think Tyril and Nia kind of sum up the whole group's attitude:
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But I don't think MC was ever going to be 'ready.' Someone else was always going to have to 'unshelve' it for them and make an effort to put the focus on MC.
Now, adventurers don't tend to be particularly well adjusted people. The full party has got maybe 1.5 healthy childhoods and 4 living parents between them (judged pretty generously). But it still feels like the others can't get it together enough to ask if MC is okay. Not that MC really makes it easy! I see MC as someone who is so used to pushing their feelings down to focus on whatever work is in front of them, they almost can't access their own emotions.
Which is why we had the brief glimpses of panic and the breakdown moment in Chapter 17. I think the breakdown makes sense mechanically. Kade is the one character your MC is guaranteed to have a strong connection to and this way it's not gated behind any diamond choices (like some really crucial character moments with Aerin and Valax, no I'm not bitter about it). But that makes it feel like the whole party has been neglecting MC while Kade immediately sees MC and goes, "Dude, you are not okay. Talk to me.'
And MC tries to turn it into comforting Kade! Kade has to actively argue with MC to make them actually acknowledge that they're having a hard time.
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MC for some reason can't or won't talk about their own trauma and Kade (who's only been around for 5 minutes) is the one who has to actively force the issue for MC's own good. Which is not a great look for the rest of the found family.
Afterward, Mal and Nia both seem to address it without really getting the point. Mal says, "We know things didn't go the way any of us wanted." (Which could mean... anything. But I'm feeling generous.)
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Protecting MC from death is not an equivalent exchange to talking about feelings! It is in fact dodging the feelings by focusing on practicalities again! Y'all better get it together in Book 3, I swear.
Overall, MC constantly delays addressing their own vulnerability and issues to focus on everyone else. And the others don't know how to do the same thing for MC, so the pattern just gets more engrained and damaging.
Except for Kade, my perfect boy.
Sources (they're fun, I promise!):
Screenshots from Neckrone Shen's playthroughs of Blades on YouTube, my go-to for whenever I can't remember something or don't have the screenshots myself.
I think @oh-so-youre-a-nerd's incredible piece 'Take Take Take' kept rattling around in my head until I figured out how to articulate why it felt this way: https://www.tumblr.com/oh-so-youre-a-nerd/736449955360899072/take-take-take?source=share
The language of 'shelving your agenda' came from the very good Cinema Therapy video about Kristoff from Frozen:
youtube
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marie-swriting · 11 months
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I Cannot Afford To Lose You - Bucky Barnes
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Marvel Masterlist
Summary : You get shot on a mission, resulting in you almost dying in Bucky's arms.
Warnings : gunshot, gunshot wound, reader almost dies, a tiny bit of angst, fluff, John Walker, Bucky being protective, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.
Word count : 3k
French version
A/N : this one shot was based on this request made by @tieddown-withbattleshipchains hope you'll like it ! Personally, I enjoyed writing it, your idea was really inspirational :)
You enter a dark room, your senses on alert, lying in wait for a potential threat with your batons in hands. You look at every side of the place when you see a shadow coming towards you. Just in time, you block the punch of the Flag Smasher with your weapon. Then, follow a fight between you and the masked woman. Despite the Supersoldier serum running in her veins, you can get through it pretty easily. Thanks to your training with Bucky, you can easily adapt to a fight with someone who has super strength. You succeed to hit her but not enough to knock her out. Your hits only made her lose her mask, allowing you to see she’s a woman in her early twenties. You keep fighting when a gunshot can be heard. Lowering your gaze on your stomach, you see blood. The Flag Smasher pushes you before running away while you fall on the ground. You bring your hand to your wound and try to put pressure on it, despite the pain.
“Y/N ? What was that ? You’re okay ?” Bucky’s worried voice asks in your earpiece. “Y/N !” he screams as he doesn’t hear an answer from you.
“I lost the target.” you articulate after a few seconds.
“I’ll handle it.” Sam informs, “Everything is good for you ?”
You don’t have the strength to answer him, too focused to not bleed out. You sweep the area with your eyes, hoping to find the shooter yet you see no one. You keep looking around, searching for something to help you, in vain. Your breath quickens when Buckys appears. A worried expression takes its place on his face when he runs to you. Before reaching you, you can hear him ordering Sam to call paramedics. Bucky kneels next to you, takes your hands away and puts pressure on your wound. Gradually, your eyelids are getting heavier so Bucky shakes you with one hand to keep you awake.
“I forbid you to fall sleep, you hear me ? Stay focused, Sam called for help, they’ll get there soon.”
“I’m tired.” you stutter, looking at him with difficulty.
“I know but you can’t close your eyes, okay ? You’re gonna make it out alive so stay awake.”
“Bucky, I-” you start putting your hand on his.
“No, shh,” he cuts you off softly, “focus on not closing your eyes. You’ll tell me what you want to say later. Hold on, Y/N, you’re gonna make it out alive.” he repeats whilst his hands are getting dirty with your blood.
You try to listen to Buky and do everything to not fall asleep however the more the time passes, the harder it gets. You slowly start to give up when the paramedics come to you. Distantly, you can hear Bucky screaming your name while you sink into darkness.
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When you open your eyes, you feel attacked by the lightness of the place. You close them for a second before opening them again slowlier. When you’re finally used to the brightness, you analyse your environment and realise you’re in a hospital room. Your eyes fall on Bucky who is sitting next to you, his hands holding your right one and he’s lost in his thoughts. You lightly move your fingers to catch his attention. Feeling you moving, Bucky’s head instantly turns on his left. When he sees you awake, he sighs in relief before getting closer to you. With his left hand, he strokes your cheeks. 
“Hey, how are you feeling ?” he whispers.
“Like I got shot.” you say, trying to smile.
“At least, we know for sure we haven’t lost her.” Sam intervenes, making Bucky roll his eyes.
“Are you hurting somewhere ? Do you want me to call a nurse ? I should call a nurse to let her know you’re awake.”
“No need. The IV is still working.”
“It’d be safer and maybe they need to check something as you’re awake now.” your boyfriend insists while pressing the button to call the nurse.
“Worse than a mother hen.”
“Shut up, Sam.”
“Don’t make me laugh.” you order as you feel a pain in your belly even though you only laugh a little at their bickering.
“Sorry.” Sam apologises.
Bucky keeps looking at you as if he was afraid that if he looks away you’ll disappear. You look at him lovingly, hoping it’ll reassure him, confirming to him he hasn’t lost you. Meanwhile, Sam feels a little bit left out yet he can’t help but look at the scene tenderly, knowing very well what you mean to Bucky. 
Indeed, since you met the former Winter Soldier, you’ve always made sure he never misses anything. You helped, and still help him sometimes, to get used to the modern world and you’re one of the few shoulders he can cry on without feeling ashamed. Your feelings for each other got stronger gently and your relationship evolved at the same pace. Your bond is strong and indescribable. All that you both know is you can’t live without the other. Bucky in particular cannot lose you, not only because he loves you but also because you’re one of the rare constants in his life since he got his memory back. 
Someone knocks on your door, breaking your bubble by doing so. You get ready to greet a nurse when you find John Walker in his Captain America outfit and his helmet in hands. You frown, not expecting to see him here.
“John, what a pleasure !” Bucky starts, sarcastically, “Are you here to give the Shield back ?”
“Buck !” you reprimand him and he fakes an innocent expression.
“I just wanted to know how you were feeling.” John asks you, avoiding your gaze for a second.
“I’ll get by, considering I almost died.”
“About that, I wanted to apologise.”
“What are you talking about ?” you question, frowning. 
Although if you didn’t see who shot you, you guessed it was a Flag Smasher as your wound allowed your enemy to escape, until Sam caught her, so you don’t understand John's apology.
“I… I was targeting the Flag Smasher,” explain John, playing with his helmet, “but while you were fighting, you moved and I shot you by accident.”
Upon hearing the end of John’s sentence, Bucky sees red and lets go of your hand before trying to get to John. Sam barely holds him, preventing Bucky from breaking his therapist’s rule number two. John moves back to the door in case Sam wouldn’t be able to hold Bucky back anymore. Your boyfriend forces himself to not use all of his strength against Sam, he knows he’d be able to get away from his grip if he really wants to but he also knows it’s not the thing to do. Bucky finally got his pardon, he can’t ruin everything now. However, it doesn’t mean John didn’t almost ruin the most precious relationship to his eyes. As if it’s enough that Bucky can’t for the life of him like the new Captain America, now he has only one urge : hurt him real bad or go back in time and force Sam to keep this damn Shield like this, you wouldn’t be in this hospital bed.
“It was an accident, I promise.” John states, “I really am sorry.”
“They don’t teach you how to shoot in the army anymore or what ?” Bucky spits as Sam tightens his grip on him. “Come on, if you don’t have a clear view, you don’t shoot, that’s common sense ! Because of you, Y/N almost fucking lost her life and we almost didn’t catch the Flag Smasher. You can’t be that stupid !”
“Bucky, he didn’t do it on purpose.” you intervene, hoping it’ll ease the tension.
Even if you hate John as much as Bucky does, you can’t have your boyfriend rearranging his face. You can’t have Bucky being the US government’s number one enemy again.
“I don’t care about that,” Bucky retorts to you, “You almost died in my arms because of his incompetence.” he keeps saying as he points at John with his chin, “What a good Captain America ! Just for that reason alone, you should give the Shield back.”
“It was a mistake. Besides, I just got promoted as Captain America, I still have a lot to learn.” John tries to defend himself, irritating Bucky a bit more.
“Shooting innocents shouldn’t be a part of it ! You’re supposed to have learned this at the beginning of your training in the army. It was more than a mistake. You better leave now before I make you a permanent resident in this hospital.”
“You should go, John.” you confirm, knowing well Bucky’s anger won’t cool off now, “Thanks for telling me the truth.”
“It was the least I could do. Again, sorry, Y/N.”
When John finally leaves the room, Sam slowly lets Bucky go, though he stays at the ready to hold Bucky back just in case. Your boyfriend takes a deep breath before setting his attention on you. He might seem calmer, you can see in his eyes his anger is still there. He sits back down whilst Sam gets settled at the end of your bed.
“All of this could have been avoided if you hadn’t given up the Shield.” Bucky exclaims, making both yours and Sam’s eyes roll. 
“Still with that.”
“How can you not be mad at him when he almost killed you ?” he questions, confused.
“Look, you know my opinion on him as Captain America and today proves us a bit more, it shouldn’t be him, but the fact is, he didn’t hurt me intentionally.”
“Intentionally or not, I could have lost you.”
“And it’s not the case. I’m still here.” you assure him, stroking his cheek.
Bucky is about to add something when the nurse he called earlier enters your accommodation. She checks your vital signs, asks you some questions and informs you your doctor will come check on you later before letting you rest. Thanks to her appearance, Bucky finally gives up the ‘John’ subject, however he’s still fulminating. To lighten up the mood, Sam changes the subject by talking about his house in Louisiana. He speaks about the weather, his family boat and the several activities his hometown has to offer until your doctor cuts him off. She explains to you they saved you just in time and you’ll have a scar on your belly. Finally, she informs you you’ll have to spare yourself for a while, strictly forbidding you to get back on the field until further notice. You can’t help but let go of a frustrated sigh at her last information. The last thing you needed was to be confined in your bed when you’re someone who is active. When she leaves, Bucky tries to make you see the bright side as he knows you’re annoyed by your current situation. However, no matter what he says, it doesn’t seem to make your pout go away. Sam finally proposes to do your recovery at his house in Louisiana, away from the city. You weigh the pros and cons before accepting, not without making Bucky roll his eyes. 
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When you’re finally cleared to leave the hospital, you discover the State where Sam lives. The latter gave you and Bucky the guest room. You thanked him countless times for his kindness whilst Bucky only gave him a small smile to show his gratitude.
During your recovery, the two men pamper you. Sam makes you taste the traditional dish from Louisiana as well as his family recipes. You have to admit Sam is a good cook, something you wouldn’t have thought at first. Sam also brought you several things to keep you busy from your bed like board games or some manual activities. You now consider yourself a pro in the making of bracelets with plastic pearls. You’ve made some for Sam, his sister Sarah and her sons AJ and Cass but also for Bucky. AJ and Cass aside, Bucky is the one who has most of them, with cute or ridiculous names going from ‘my lover’ to ‘grumpy’. Some of your bracelets are in perfect contrast with his Vibranium arm.
As for Bucky, he’s always by your side and worries even when you assure him you’re not in pain. He helps you clean your wound, change your bandage and always makes sure you’re in a good sleeping position. Finally, during the night, when you’re asleep, Bucky is glued to you - while being careful about your wound - and delicately rests his head on your chest to hear your regular heartbeats. By hearing them, Bucky can breathe and sleep peacefully whilst saying to himself again and again you’re still alive, you’re still by his side, he hasn’t lost you.
After several weeks laying down, you can walk a longer distance than the one from your room to your bathroom. Sitting on your bed, you’re putting your shoes on when Bucky with his eyes wide open comes to you.
“What do you think you’re doing ? You need to rest.” he reminds you, stopping you from tying completely your left shoelace.
“The doctor told me I needed to walk to help with the healing.” you explain playing with the pearls of his bracelet making the word ‘oldman’.
“What kind of stupid advice is that ? You need to stay in bed.”
“Bucky, if I stay one more second on that damn bed, I’m gonna burn it down.” you inform with a serious face. “Besides, I’m not gonna run a marathon, I’m just gonna walk very slowly around the house. Come with me if it can make you feel any better.”
“What if you hurt yourself while walking ?” he inquires and you stop yourself from rolling your eyes.
“Then, thank God my amazing and strong boyfriend will be next to me to help me. Bucky, I’m fine.” you comfort him, looking in his eyes. “I’m not in pain and I need to move. I can’t stand there and look good anymore in this house. I know every corner of this bedroom, I need to go out.”
Bucky seems to consider it for a second, mentally weighing his options before sighing and nodding.
“OK, but if you feel even the slightest pain, you better tell me and we go home.” he orders, untying your left shoelace to redo it, “and we’re not walking more than five minutes.” he adds.
“Fifteen.” you negotiate. 
“Ten.”
“Deal.” you accept with a childish look.
Bucky finishes tying your right shoelace before giving you his hand to help you get up from the bed and examine your face for any sign of hurt. To prove him you’re fine, you smile at him before pecking his lips. He takes your right arm and locks it with his to support you while you start leaving your temporary quarter. Upon - finally - leaving the house, you take your time to enjoy the sun’s heat on your face. You walk, sharing with Bucky all of your observations on the landscape in front of you. Since you arrived, you didn’t get the time to admire the outside beauty of Sam’s house so you look at every tree, flower and wave, enjoying the nature Brooklyn doesn’t have.
After a few minutes of walking, you ask Bucky to stop. Immediately, he questions you, worried you might pass out at any given time.
“I’m fine.” you reassure him though his worried expression doesn’t leave his face.
“Sorry I’m always on your back but I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I know.”
“Do you think I’m too much ?” he questions while touching the bracelet with the word ‘sweetheart’.
“No, I think it’s cute the way you’re always worried.” you say, lifting his head with your hand. “You’re a real mother hen but I like it.” you add, making him chuckle a little. 
“Can you hold it against me ? I really thought I’d lost you.” he says, reminiscing the moment where he got to you as you were bleeding out. “When you started closing your eyes, I was sure it was the end. And I cannot lose you.” Bucky affirms with a shaking voice, “I know I don’t tell you often but my therapist says I need to learn to communicate what I’m feeling so here I am saying it : you matter to me and I need you in order to keep moving on. I know it might sound selfish but I cannot afford to lose you and if it were ever to happen… i don't know what I’d become.” he keeps saying with teary eyes, “I need you close to me. I love you so much.”
As you see a tear rolling down his cheeks, you take him in your arms and stroke his back. He hides his face in the crook of your neck and breathes in your smell. A part of Bucky feels bad for being the one getting comforted when you’re the one who got wounded notwithstanding he needs it. Losing you is his worst fear and since John shot you, he became aware his fear could become real in a second. You keep hugging him, proving to him it doesn't bother you to comfort him because you understand him.
“I love you too, Bucky,” you murmur in his ear, “so much.”
You stay in each other’s arms for a few minutes until your anxiety vanishes away. When you break the embrace, one of your hands finds its way to Bucky’s cheek and the second one strokes the bracelet with the pearls ‘forever’ before taking his left hand.
“I can’t promise you I’ll always be safe considering what we do for a living but I can promise you one thing : I will always do in my power everything to stay by your side and I want you to promise me the same because I need you as much as you need me.”
“I promise.”
Like to seal your promise, you delicately kiss each other with the Sun as a witness. Bucky doesn’t put his hand on your waist, worried he’ll hurt you involuntarily, so his hands find their way to your cheeks while yours get lost in his hair.
Marvel Masterlist
{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}
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devisrina · 10 months
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Carmy masks his feelings toward Syd in front of others
I was talking to @currymanganese about this, and we've both noticed that Carmy tries to avoid showing any signs of the bond he created with Syd in front of everyone (specifically his family members) to not come off obvious.
In season 2 episode 1, I was kind of bothered by his lack of reaction to Syd falling through the wall. But then I saw how invested he was in wanting to hang out with her outside of work during the locker room scene. I think it had to do with Nat being in the scene. In a conversation that Nat had with Carmy in ep 6 of s1, she got upset that he rarely asked how she was doing, and Carmy explains this by saying that he has trouble articulating his own emotions and that it's hard to ask someone how they are doing. At this point, we saw on numerous occasions that he doesn't hesitate to ask Syd how she is doing. If he reacted more towards Syd falling through the wall, Nat would notice the level of care he has towards Syd and might push him to go for it.
In season 2 episode 2, there is a contrast between how he acts towards her in front of his colleagues vs how he acts at his apartment. He's more closed off while talking to her in front of everyone else. More blunt and avoidant. Versus when they are at his apartment where he is more playful and softer.
season 2 episode 3, When he surges closer to her, he hastily backs up a bit, maybe at the realisation that the other crew members are listening in. He also avoids Richie's remark after this.
Season 2 Episode 5: When Sydney cuts in the middle of a conversation with Jimmy, Carmy immediately responds with "We'll talk about this later." Granted, the situation had to do with him being stressed about passing the tests, I think it's interesting how he uses this specific tone with her whenever his family members are around.
He repeats this again with the plate selection situation.
Season 2 Episode 6: We see how Mikey and Richie react to Claire Bear. You can clearly see how uncomfortable Carmy is with them talking about his crush. I feel like he doesn't want to repeat similar patterns, so he does his best to mask the connection he carries with Syd to not draw attention to it from outside people.
I'm not really saying he knows or is crushing when these happen. I just think it is very normal in family dynamics that whenever there is a person you hold a strong connection with, they'll kind of tease you about it. He probably doesn't know what his feelings are but tries to distance anyone around him from speculating anything.
But there have been a few slipups where others have picked up on them, so I preface that he doesn't hide this well lol.
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transboysokka · 5 months
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tell me about autistic Zuko (modern au or canon. Like how he grew up, why it’s justified in canon, how people around him react to it/are they assholes or not) bc I’ve been thinking about him but I can’t seem to articulate all my feelings into words and you’re good at that <3
hahahaha gladly here is a smattering of Facts and Evidence, in no particular order
Fact #1: His special interest is the Avatar. That boy’s done so much research!! (I’m joking with this one and yet… 👀)
Evidence #1: His father was embarrassed of him when he was a kid. This could have been for a variety of reasons including that he’s gay but also if you are trying to raise an heir of a powerful nation, you would see a lot of autism symptoms as a weakness, especially things like awkwardness, difficulty making eye contact, etc
Evidence #2: He doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends growing up which can also be explained in different ways but a kid just following around his sister and her friends all day? sus
Evidence #3: The way he rehearses what he’s going to say to Aang at the Western Air Temple… and the awkwardness of it makes it So Much More… it’s the most really, THE autistic of scenarios. We GOTTA practice big conversations like that before they happen, we just do…
Evidence #4: He borrows from other scripts for social interaction. You know when he’s trying fo get along with everyone at the air temple and he makes tea for them and try to tell a joke? Why does he do that? Because he’s mimicking Iroh, who is probably the most outgoing person in his life, and following exactly what Iroh does to be friendly and ingratiate himself with others…
Evidence #5: Missing social cues. I can’t think of any examples off the top of my head but I think we’ve all seen it. Also “That’s rough, buddy” is something he TOTALLY stole from someone else because he had no idea what he actually was supposed to say in that situation
Fact #2: now HERE’s a guy who feels deeply but is SO bad at expressing or controlling his feelings. Remember when he was worried about the comet and instead of talking about it just ATTACKED HIS FRIENDS?? oof yeah
Important Headcanon #1: Zuko is really sensitive to texture and has ARFID, which does have a high overlap with autistic folks. This “pickiness” causes real problems for him, especially when he’s v busy being the Fire Lord…. He tends to eat the same foods a lot to sustain himself (fire flakes) and makes the same exact tea for himself every single day. He DOES like to bake and cook though, and is quite good at it, even if he won’t eat it all
Headcanon #2: Our boy’s special interests are history, dao swords, and baking
Headcanon #3: Not a fan of eye contact
Theory #1: Our boy Sokka def has that ADHD and I just don’t think it’s that common or easy for ND folks to be in a relationship with NT folks (I have no proof of this but just think about it for a sec) so therefore Zuko must be neurodivergent
This is a big ol’ mess but for a MUCH more comprehensive and comprehensible Auristic Zuko explanation, please refer to this masterpiece of a post which I just found after spending a bunch of time answering this ask lolol
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helpfandom · 8 months
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Yandere Platonic Two-Face {TAS} x Reader HCs
Ngl, I'm thinking about doing an analysis on the TAS villains. ALL of the TAS villains with the same kind of reader.
It's just that realistically, this is the type of reader that would be the most likely with how Gotham is.
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Honestly, I have no idea on why he would initially be interested in a kid, if it wasn't for a bad reason. Not saying that yandere isn't bad, but more so that, I can't see him stalking a kid or anything for any morally good reason.
But, in the interest of fanfiction, we shall say that this reader is of the 'uncaring' variety, much like my Riddler (also TAS) reader.
So perhaps, Reader initially met him in a dark alley, so of course, without realizing, he pulls out a gun and threatens you. He was shocked with himself that he would do that to a kid, but on the other side, no loose ends.
So, he flips the coin. But reader tells him that it's not a 50/50 chance like he has always believed. {It truly is not, by the by, it is ever so slightly tilted to the heavier side, making it a 51/49 chance.} This catches him off guard and he fumbles, losing the coin.
The two-toned man rumbles to you. "Go ahead. Leave. Take your chance and live." You stand up from your spot, having fallen from the spook of running into one of Gotham's infamous villains. "Cool. Thanks man." You walk off, feeling his stares, but letting it slide off your back.
Why would you walk from someone who is a villain? A scary person who could kill you, simply for existing in the same area as him?
And with that, you sealed your fate. He couldn't get your words out of his head. Was everything he believed in a lie? Was everything he's doing for naught? With that simple sentence, you broke his entire world in half. He needs something new to focus on. Too bad it had to be you.
Without even needing the coin to decide, he knows that he has to see you again. You've haunting him, it's so stupid that you've been doing this to him. WHY! Why are you haunting, why are you stuck in his every waking thought?!
Needless to say, he's a very quick yandere. I mean, he already has an obsession, it just moved to you.
I wouldn't say he's quick to kidnap. To me, he seems like more of a stalking type at first, but then, when he goes to flip his coin again to see what to do tonight, he thinks of you. He thinks of how you interacted with him and your words get stuck in his head all the time.
Would he be prepared for you? No. Not really. I mean, it's not like he sees himself as a dad either, it's more of just... He needs you there. You need to be there for him. His obsession with the coin flipped over to you, and now you're the one reason he's still here, able to articulate his words, be alive, and live his life.
Batman and Robin wouldn't be able to help you out either, for he wouldn't let any sign of you actually affecting him show, unless...
Set the scene: Two Face is robbing a bank, he flips the coin and right as it lands in his open palm, you walk by, unflinching at the alarms going off or anything. you. You. YOU. He drops the coin, everyone who knows him even a little bit is shocked at that. Why would he ever let it drop? Everyone knows that he's obsessed with it.
That would be the only sense in which Batman and Robin would ever find out of an obsession with you. The way he pauses when someone says something that sound like your name, the way that he purposefully selects the spots away from your home so you're less likely to be caught in the crossfire...
I can see Batman connecting the dots, but at that point, its too late.
He's already kidnapped you.
Goodbye.
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