i need the party to acknowledge mc's relationship with their li. what do you mean they're not holding hands while strolling the festival or when they're tired after trekking for days, and one literally drags the other by hand. you want to tell me they're not kissing every few minutes in front of their friends who tease the hell out of them for it? i don't buy it 🤷🏻♀️
I already made a brief post, but I really don't get pb was thinking with this.
Like. Seriously. It's not even his comment that gets me the most. It's MC's reaction. Like Ik Mc is supposed to be sympathetic and understanding but there's no way that didn't sting at least a bit. Like even if she didn't outwardly show it, we the readers should have been privy to some inward reaction. And for Mal, honestly idk atp. It sucks to think that Mc has probably been tortured and experimented on to the extent that she may have even been the one to subconsciously suppress her own memories. How could he? I understand how pain could get him to say something like that (we've all said hurtful things due to anger or sadness before), but it's the fact that there was no 'oh' moment where he realizes what he just said and apologizes or anything says a lot. When I'm reading, I generally don't have issues to characters saying or doing hurtful things, I take more issue with the reactions and lack of consequences
Mal loving to kiss and squish Rayas cheeks because he finds her adorable.
I like to think Mal has apologized profusely to Raya for hurting her because of how he treated her when she came back. He’s been opening up more, warmly embracing her every chance he gets. He wants to let her know he will always protect her.
Side note: I have been feeling very unmotivated to create blades art recently mostly because it’s discouraging sometimes when you feel like you still aren’t skilled enough. Making art for blades is something I enjoy but when Im constantly focusing on improving and creating content it just tires me out. I do have a drawing idea I’m planning but it’s hard to find a reference that inspires me
Edit: It totally slipped my mind i wrote the date as 01/18/2023 ☠️ i changed it now but it just shows you how extremely tired i was last night.
Let’s all be honest that “bonus epilogue for collecting all the things!” should have been part of the regular fucking experience because otherwise it’s anticlimactic on a truly unforgivable scale.
my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “using light and shadow magic in conjunction with one another instead of treating them as inherently contradictory forces” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯
me: yeah whatever. i don’t feel shit.
5 minutes later: dude i swear i just saw elder radimir use shadow magic without appearing to succumb to its corrupting influence
my buddy tyril pacing: the old gods are lying to us
I finally figured out why all the party members in Book 2 come out as so frustratingly self-focused to me.
It's not because they're all struggling with their own stuff. It's all about shelving your agenda- that thing in a relationship where you go, 'You need my support right now, so we're going to worry about my thing later.'
And MC does this constantly.
I just barely escaped death and found out a year passed, but is Kade recovered from the Shadow Court?
I just almost drowned, but it's time to comfort this owlbear cub and unpack Valax's trauma!
I just almost died twice to the Ash Empress, but is Nia coping with being corrupted okay?
Which can be okay. Shelving your agenda is part of a healthy relationship of any kind.
The problem is that no one does it back. I think Tyril and Nia kind of sum up the whole group's attitude:
But I don't think MC was ever going to be 'ready.' Someone else was always going to have to 'unshelve' it for them and make an effort to put the focus on MC.
Now, adventurers don't tend to be particularly well adjusted people. The full party has got maybe 1.5 healthy childhoods and 4 living parents between them (judged pretty generously). But it still feels like the others can't get it together enough to ask if MC is okay. Not that MC really makes it easy! I see MC as someone who is so used to pushing their feelings down to focus on whatever work is in front of them, they almost can't access their own emotions.
Which is why we had the brief glimpses of panic and the breakdown moment in Chapter 17. I think the breakdown makes sense mechanically. Kade is the one character your MC is guaranteed to have a strong connection to and this way it's not gated behind any diamond choices (like some really crucial character moments with Aerin and Valax, no I'm not bitter about it). But that makes it feel like the whole party has been neglecting MC while Kade immediately sees MC and goes, "Dude, you are not okay. Talk to me.'
And MC tries to turn it into comforting Kade! Kade has to actively argue with MC to make them actually acknowledge that they're having a hard time.
MC for some reason can't or won't talk about their own trauma and Kade (who's only been around for 5 minutes) is the one who has to actively force the issue for MC's own good. Which is not a great look for the rest of the found family.
Afterward, Mal and Nia both seem to address it without really getting the point. Mal says, "We know things didn't go the way any of us wanted." (Which could mean... anything. But I'm feeling generous.)
Protecting MC from death is not an equivalent exchange to talking about feelings! It is in fact dodging the feelings by focusing on practicalities again! Y'all better get it together in Book 3, I swear.
Overall, MC constantly delays addressing their own vulnerability and issues to focus on everyone else. And the others don't know how to do the same thing for MC, so the pattern just gets more engrained and damaging.
Except for Kade, my perfect boy.
Sources (they're fun, I promise!):
Screenshots from Neckrone Shen's playthroughs of Blades on YouTube, my go-to for whenever I can't remember something or don't have the screenshots myself.
I think @oh-so-youre-a-nerd's incredible piece 'Take Take Take' kept rattling around in my head until I figured out how to articulate why it felt this way: https://www.tumblr.com/oh-so-youre-a-nerd/736449955360899072/take-take-take?source=share
The language of 'shelving your agenda' came from the very good Cinema Therapy video about Kristoff from Frozen: