#him showing up with the shield of the moon during HoT throws her too

[kerra-and-company]

(@commanderhorncleaver) Can I get the first question from each category for Mx Kerralind~

You may indeed~ :D And thank you!!

1. Age, Birthday, Star Sign

In terms of literal years old, Kerra's almost 11. She was born at the beginning of 1325, on the 20th of the Season of the Zephyr (which, since that's at the start of the year, is January 20, I believe). That makes her star sign Aquarius!

19. Hobbies

Singing, playing the flute (literally, as in the instrument, to be clear), reading (sometimes, but not paperwork), and swimming (recreationally, sometimes--she's not super fast, but she enjoys it) all definitely make this list! And she sometimes does woodcarving in her spare time, too. Her bow is good evidence of her skill--though it's now been crystallized thanks to Aurene's magic and no longer really looks like wood.

27. What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?

Ah yes, we have opened up the box labeled "Kerra's family." It is a large box. There are many people in it.

Please proceed below the cut :)

Kerra considers both Caithe and Trahearne her siblings. Caithe almost immediately got the "sister" label from the moment Kerra awoke. Though their relationship's definitely had its ups and downs, they're closer at this point than they've ever been. Trahearne got the "brother" label semi-tentatively during the level 20 PS (which was Malyck's story in this case), and it was then solidified during their work together with the Pact. They were, and are, close enough that Kerra fully would have died for him during HoT (which was actually a point of contention between them for a bit of LWS3, since that's not something he would ever have wanted her to do; they talked that through, though).

Kerra also has a couple of friends who are close enough to be sibling-adjacent but don't quite fit into one category, and that's Rel and Minei. Rel has been her friend since they ran into each other in Caledon (sometime between the level 10 and level 20 PS), specifically during an incident with the Soundless and the Nightmare Court. They stuck together through quite a few months, separated for a bit when Kerra joined the Order of Whispers and Rel traveled to Orr with Trahearne to conduct more research, and reunited during the level 60 PS. They're very much on the same wavelength about a Lot of stuff, they get along very well and pretty much always have, and they've kept in touch even as their individual lives take them farther and farther away from each other. Minei and Kerra met on Claw Island and bonded, in part, thanks to Kerra comforting her after Forgal's death (though Kerra was not doing great herself at the time, either). The other reason was that they saw through each other--Kerra figured out that Minei was very young to be part of the Vigil, and Minei saw that Kerra was scared/upset. They worked together a great deal during the rest of the PS and continued to work together during HoT, LWS3, PoF, and LWS4. (And technically some of Icebrood, too.) They still very much keep in touch even when they're not directly working together.

I feel like "family" usually isn't talking about romantic partners? Could be wrong? But, romantically speaking, Kerra has Nisha and Canach, which is a story in and of itself that I won't go into here. They are definitely very happy and very in love, though.

Kerra also has kids--Aurene, Rhi, Tev, and Ia! She wasn't expecting to get a daughter when Aurene hatched, but the second that she did hatch, that was definitely Kerra's daughter. She is so, so proud of Aurene, and she hates that she wasn't able to better protect Aurene from having to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders young. She knows firsthand how hard that is and had hoped Aurene would have more time to grow up. Rhi, Tev, and Ia are all sylvari sprouts, second-gen sylvari (but not Secondborn, haha). Rhi awakened after LWS4, and Tev and Ia (who are twins) awakened after Icebrood. They're all wonderful kids, even though they're pretty different, and they definitely consider Aurene to be their big sister.

(And technically she also has a nephew! Sindri, Rel and Trahearne's kid :) )

There's also the whole other complexity that is the Elder Dragons, if you want to factor them into the family tree. Kerra did label/consider Mordremoth to have the position of "grandfather", but she definitely never loved him like family (and hated him, in fact). It does mean that seeing Aurene facing down Kralkatorrik later on was a painful parallel for her, though.

34. What’s their room look like right now?

Cozy, slightly cluttered, lots of things. Nothing too stacked up or messy, but it's a very lived-in room. The bed's made, but not particularly neatly. There's books and pens and paper on a table to the side. There's an amount of pillows that's more than average. The blankets are blue. There's a few assorted posters on the wall in a corner of the room; you'd have to get close to read the text. The window's open. The closet door's open a crack; it got shut too fast and there's the tip of a boot poking out.

47. What was this character’s biggest turning point in their life, something that changed them almost completely?

There's a whole lot of things in Kerra's life that you could point to as things that had a huge impact, but as far as "biggest turning point"? That happened early for her. That's Tiachren.

Sapling-Kerra was, for the first month-ish of her life, almost painfully optimistic. Very bright, believed fully that though her mission was hard, of course she'd succeed. There wasn't another option for her other than for things to turn out well in the end.

She was very excited to meet Tiachren, to start on part of her Wyld Hunt, and they became friends (not super close, but still friends) very quickly. She was horrified alongside him to find Ysvelta had turned to Nightmare, and though she did truly believe Ysvelta could be saved, her duty was to help those in Astorea. The many over the one. So she let him go alone, and he understood--and then he and Ysvelta came to Astorea both with Nightmare, and Kerra was the one to kill him.

Tiachren has never stopped being a recurring figure in Kerra's nightmares. Ever. It's been almost eleven years now. His death is the reason she learned that she can function under extreme devastation, can talk to someone as important like her Mother (for the first time, no less) like everything's normal if she has to. His death is the reason she learned that to complete her Wyld Hunt did not mean that everything would go well, even if the ultimate goal was achieved.

And his death is the first reason the world ever gave her to be truly, deeply, angry.

Kerra keeps the optimism going forward, to some extent. She smiles a lot by default, is generally friendly and a warm person. But it's optimism shaped by knowledge of what could happen. And she keeps the anger, too.

#gw2 #kerralind #commanderhorncleaver #thanks a bunch for the ask! :D #and please enjoy these assorted kerra facts! #kerra Really does not like the nightmare court. like. at All. #the only reason she gets through working with them during HoT (which is a part anet cut that i put back in as far as my canon's concerned) #is because rel facilitates that #she would never seek them out and work with them #unless they were the only option left #and even then it'd be a Maybe #the anger she has over tiachren's death is (funnily enough) one of the reasons she understands canach so well later down the line #him showing up with the shield of the moon during HoT throws her too #and scares her #since she already cares about him at that point #ANYWAYS there's more lore i could share but this is already long so i'm stopping here als;djf hope you enjoyed!

[dooppooo]

mdni - nsfw content, oral (f receiving), squirting, piercings, spitting, possessive behavior, breeding kink

Requests Open!

Prompt List

Some fan art I found on Pinterest inspired this, you're welcome.

-

(effectbitter on twitter)

rockstar!Geto who only lets his favorite groupie on the tour bus - you.

rockstar!Geto who took your advice to get a tongue piercing, claiming it would "add too his rockstar narrative"

rockstar!Geto also likes to keep you pampered and pretty in his changing room to use as he pleases before and after shows

rockstar!Geto swipes all the makeup on the vanity onto the floor and tosses you onto it, ripping down your panties barely hidden beneath your mini skirt

rockstar!Geto making you cum all over his face to get his adrenaline rushing instead of doing drugs like other musicians

rockstar!Geto who doesn't stop even when your trembling and overstimulated, because he wants to go out on stage with his chin neck and chest covered in your juices

rockstar!Geto eats pussy like it's his last meal and is always messy - his end goal to make you squirt

rockstar!Geto threatens to make you squirt when he comes back from preforming if you can't do it before, and he's a man of his word, securing his promise by spitting into your mouth with his hand around your throat

rockstar!Geto who smells like sex and sweat when he performs and during his VIP meet and greets

rockstar!Geto who gets asked about all the women he must sleep with to always be exuding the signs of filthy sex, only for him to honestly answer that just one special lady is in his life

rockstar!Geto who always has women throwing themselves at him, but simply kisses their foreheads before joining you either in the changing room or the tour bus and holding up to his promise

rockstar!Geto who also says in interviews that he's single and this 'special lady' isn't his girlfriend nor his wife - only to keep the sex more intense and your dynamic thrilling

rockstar!Geto would also wring your neck if you dared to even think of sleeping with any of the other band members or anyone else in general, you two weren't official, but you were Geto's groupie

rockstar!Geto who can also be soft at times too, like when he can tell you've had an exhausting day of getting your nails done and shopping for outfits curated by him, he'll take his time with you, reminding you how special you are and gently pulling orgasm after orgasm from you

rockstar!Geto shielding you from paparazzi and fans, because you didn't deserve to have your picture plastered all over the internet without your consent, the only photos of you that would be taken were ones of you bent over in your skirts or lingerie hidden in a folder on his phone

rockstar!Geto writing a song about you and playing it at every one of his concerts without fail

rockstar!Geto who finally crumbles under pressure from the media who demanded to find out who this mysterious woman was that gave him his signature scent and took up all his time between shows

rockstar!Geto posting pictures of you two basically making out and later booking a mini-photo shoot for you to reveal you in all your glory

rockstar!Geto who bought an engagement ring when he saw some of the photos from the modeling gigs you had gotten into, wanting to secure you before other super stars leapt after you

rockstar!Geto who ran back to the changing room just before the end of one of his concerts and pulling you out onto the stage, proposing to you in front of the crowd

rockstar!Geto takes a year off of touring to go on endless honey moon trips, and when you finally return from all your fancy destinations your swollen and round with his baby

rockstar!Geto occasionally bringing both you and your daughter out onto stage to show off how hot his wife is and his adorable daughter, who gets a chance to show how hard she's been practicing on guitar and hear some cheering from the crowd when she takes her ear piece out

rockstar!Geto who now fucks you before and after concerts, promising to fill you up with another baby, sometimes reverting back to the old days and going feral at the flavor you coated his tongue with

#jjk smut #geto suguru smut #geto smut #geto suguru #getou suguru x y/n #suguru smut #getou suguru x reader

[bucky-hues]

stucky fic recs

here are some stucky fic recs! as always, be sure to read the warnings for each fic <3

one shots

finding home | @thedamageofherdays

cap steve x modern bucky

After he is caught in a terrible rainstorm while hiking, Bucky is glad to find shelter at the cottage Steve shares with his daughter and his dog. Bucky ends up finding so much more than just a safe place to spend the night.

x | @dreadlockholiday

steve x bucky

Request: Bucky looking through a glossy magazine and saying something like "God, can you imagine being paid for just looking cute?" And without thought Steve replies, "you'd be a millionaire" and Bucky just blushes furiously while Steve's all like 😳 *oh no, I just said that out loud*

x | @dreadlockholiday (18+)

steve x bucky

Bucky finds his BFF Steve's sketchbook... and it's full of nothing but sketches of Bucky... naked.

sweethearts | @musette22

steve x bucky

Steve confesses his feelings to Bucky using sweethearts

my moon, my man | @musette22 (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

AU meet-cute. Strangers on a Train, but with less murder and more sexual tension.

make it till you fake it | AggressiveWhenStartled (AO3)

steve x bucky

“Ned,” Peter said, like a drowning man sighting land. “Ned. Captain America and the Winter Soldier are fake dating right now and it is the most painfully awkward and obvious thing I have ever seen, all of us want to die, Ned.”

things my heart used to know | Nightwing11 (AO3)

steve x bucky

In a world where soulmates can communicate telepathically with their partners, Steve Rogers has always had Bucky Barnes with him, a calming voice in a sea of turmoil. And, when Bucky falls off the train during World War II, Steve experiences deafening silence for the first time.

Now, after crashing a plane in the Arctic to save the world and being frozen for 70 years, Steve’s still trying to figure out how to live without Bucky there. His new friends are trying to help him adjust, to move on. And he thought he was doing better, he really did.

So, why is he suddenly hearing Bucky’s voice again?

catfish | @buckmebxrnes (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers is a famous movie star, known for his role as Captain America. Bucky Barnes is a bored law student who drinks too much wine. Bucky gets on match.com to boost his confidence. What he doesn't expect is a guy using Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating profile. Bucky decides to mess with the guy. After all, what idiot uses Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating site?

Not like it's really him, right? Bucky may need more wine.

let's go have fun | @sebastanbucky

steve x bucky

“Nat wanted me to-” Nat clears her throat and he rolls his eyes. “I wanted to tell you something.” He looks at Steve with a look he hopes says ‘play along’. “Okay. What did you want to tell me?” Bucky has to take a deep breath to keep from laughing again, it helps with his performance as Nat nods encouragingly at him. “I’m gay.” He says, making his voice sound shaky and weak.

the way you came around | sokaless (AO3)

steve x bucky

After a while, Bucky says, “You know, this song sounds like it was written for you.” “That's funny,” Steve remarks. “I chose it because it reminded me of you.” Steve gives Bucky an iPod full of his favourite songs from the 21st century to help him deal with his nightmares. Bucky has a new mission- to find out who Steve is in love with, because there are a few too many unrequited love songs on that iPod.

stuck on you | wearing_tearing (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“Bucky? You don’t look so hot.”

Bucky makes a tiny little sound in the back of his throat, only to start coughing. Of course he doesn’t look hot. He’s sick and he’s dying and Steve obviously isn’t attracted to him.

you have the place next to my place | justanotherStonyfan (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

prompt: “We live in adjacent apartments and our bedrooms are on opposite sides of a very thin wall and one night I heard you crying and talked to you through the wall” AU

Captain America helps the Vet next door.

you’ve got (30) new matches | williamkaplans (AO3)

steve x bucky

When everyone finds out Steve's bi thanks to Bucky's recovering memories, Natasha kicks up her match-making into high gear. Steve has zero luck, but Natasha won't give up, especially when Sam (jokingly) suggests online dating. It isn't long before Steve finds someone, a someone who seems eerily familiar.

perfectly right wrong number | melonbutterfly (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

It all starts because Steve is too dumb to handle his smartphone.

A wrong number AU in which Bucky Barnes doesn't enter Steve's life (meaning: Bucky wasn't born until the eighties, but Steve is still Captain America) until Steve accidentally dials the wrong number. Wherein there is a lot of texting, some advice via Natasha and Darcy, a bit of pining, and a first date in an amusement park. Oh, and on top of being a disabled veteran, Bucky is a professional catwalker. Literally.

put your number in my phone | MacksDramaticShenanigans (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve tucks his phone back into his pocket and turns back to the computer. He only has to click a few times before he finds the link to the questionnaire and opens it, inputting the participant number before hitting next. The beginnings of the consent form fills the page, and all Steve has left to do now is wait for the participant— one James Barnes, according to the website— to show up.

Thankfully, Steve doesn’t end up having to wait very long. James Barnes shows up ten minutes early and knocks on the door before cracking it open and peeking in.

“Oh, hi,” he says, when he spots Steve sitting at the desk. He pushes the door open all the way and steps into the room just as Steve spins in the chair to face him.

“Um, I’m, uh, a bit early, but I’m here for the decision making study,” James continues, clear blue eyes flickering around the room before landing on Steve again. The skin between his eyebrows crinkles up a little, and god, Steve probably shouldn’t find his uncertainty as cute as he does. “Am I in the right place?”

wouldn’t it be nice | MacksDramaticShenanigans (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

"You are never going to believe what just happened," Bucky bemoans, shaking his head. He's at Steve's side in a moment and doesn't bother to give any warning before he dramatically falls into Steve's lap. Steve just barely manages to save his book from getting squashed.

"What is it?" Steve asks, matching Bucky's dramatic tone. "What am I not going to believe?"

"I just got off the phone with Natasha," he starts. "She cancelled on me!" Bucky throws his arms up, nearly smacking Steve in the face in the process.

Steve carefully places his hand on Bucky's forearm and lowers it away from his face.

"You're kidding," he says, a frown curving onto his lips at the news.

"I wish I was," he sighs. Bucky presses his lips together into a disappointed line and deflates against the back of the couch, slinking down Steve's thighs a little. "Who goes to Coney Island alone? How pathetic is that?"

Steve snorts, earning a glare from Bucky, and pats Bucky's thigh. "Aw, don't be such a sourpuss, Buck," he says. "Who said anything about going alone?"

all jokes aside | darksknight (AO3)

steve x bucky

"Before we know it Banner’s gonna be makin’ insinuations.” (Everyone "jokes" about Steve and Bucky being in a relationship until, eventually, they admit that they are.)

barnes & rogers and the goddamn truth

steve x bucky (teacher au)

There are three well-known facts at Shield High:

1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm. 2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.) 3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

in the shadows | DragonWannabe (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Five times they thought they were almost caught, one time someone found out, and one time they didn't have to hide.

OR:

Bucky and Steve grew up in a time when people like them went to jail.

single and looking | Jaiden_S (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

"Bucky held his place with his index finger and turned the magazine over to check the date on the cover. It was brand new, just out this month. An unexpected cord of anxiety tightened in Bucky’s chest. Single and looking? Frantically, he flipped back to the article. What exactly was Steve looking for? According to the article, Steve’s dream girl should be intelligent, altruistic, well-versed in current events and have a wicked sense of humor. Oh, and he had a thing for high heels and red lipstick. Bucky’s stomach churned as he re-read the article. Was that really what Steve wanted? Make-up and stilettos?"

A slightly sappy tale of two utterly besotted super-soldiers who excel at miscommunication.

these american dreams (ain’t no white picket fences left for me) | kariye (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

In which Bucky has a house, a dog, an herb garden, and a serious case of insomnia. Welcome to Havensport, Indiana (population 8,294), where Tom’s Neighborhood Grocer stays open all night, little old ladies call the car shop to get their refrigerators repaired, and the heat of summer days and the length of summer nights can make you think that this perfect world will last forever.

i’ve been careless with a delicate man | paraxdisepink (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Steve lets SHIELD think he and Bucky were boyfriends so they’ll let him see the Winter Soldier in medical.

knock on wood | 74days (AO3) 

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers lives a quiet, steady life, until his next door neighbour moves in and starts having incredibly energetic sex every night. All Steve wants is for him to move his bed away from the wall so the damn headboard doesn't knock a hole through his wall.

progressively bigger keys | spinawren (AO3)

steve x bucky

“A very little key will open a very heavy door.” ― Charles Dickens, Hunted Down

Steve and Bucky, it appears, have less need for a key and more use for a battering ram in trying to come out of the closet.

(The one where Steve tries to do one thing (one thing!) without causing a national ruckus, but the press are determined to see Bucky as Steve's best friend. And nothing more.)

stucky discover gay rights | Alicia_Borealis (AO3)

steve x bucky

“Then, why-” Steve stopped himself and looked at Bucky, who had tears rolling freely down his cheeks. “We’re- we’re not sick?”

“Wait, what?” Tony asked.

“Being a homosexual, it isn’t… wrong?”

-

The story of how Steve Roger's loved and lost Bucky, then how he got him back and then how he realised he was allowed to love him after all.

thursday nights with bucky barnes | Ellessey (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve has a comfortable, well-worn routine for his Thursday nights, until the old man who runs the laundromat breaks his hip.

Then Steve has Bucky instead.

to seek a nood-er world | jehans (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Send noodz

Steve has been staring at his phone for the last six minutes, eyes narrowed so much they’re almost closed at this point, trying to figure out what the hell Bucky means. Noodz? What the fuck are noodz?

Listen, Steve is at least marginally aware of modern pop culture. He’s heard of nudes — not that nudes are exactly a modern invention; artists have been creating them for millennia — and he does know that people tend to misspell words to be cute or funny. They did that when he was young, too. Because time is a flat circle, apparently.

But, wait—does that mean…?

No. Not possible. Bucky isn’t asking Steve to send him…nudes.

Right?

tied ‘round your throat | sleepypercy (AO3) (18+)

police officer steve x serial killer bucky

Steve's a small-town police officer trying to track a serial killer who's been in Steve's bed the whole time.

much tattoo about nothing | Deisderium (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.

Turns out tattoos give Steve boners.

the perfect man | Ellessey (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Setting up a dating profile is decidedly not in Bucky's skill-set, but against all odds he manages to connect with someone who makes the one-night stand he thought he wanted feel like not nearly enough.

kiss me and take off your clothes | steveandbucky (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers is dared to send a dick pic to a blog which critiques dick pics (run by none other than Bucky Barnes). Hilarity ensues.

i can’t dare to dream about you anymore | steveandbucky (AO3) 

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve considers himself to be a pretty open-minded guy, which is why he can't quite understand why he feels so uncomfortable whenever he sees his gay roommate kissing guys. He's not homophobic, but how else can he explain the way his stomach twists at the sight?

It takes him a while to catch on.

exam room b | steveandbucky (AO3)

modern steve x nurse bucky

“Wait, what do you mean he asked for me?”

“He asked if the cute male nurse with the ponytail was working today. I assume he meant you.”

kickstart my heart | Kalee60 (AO3) (18+)

doctor steve x modern bucky

Bucky’s Wednesday wasn’t off to a great start. Not only did he wake up in a hospital with his annoyed best friend staring down at him, his treating Doctor just happened to be way too familiar, and the reason for that was slightly mortifying.

With misunderstandings in the air, a snarky nurse who is a pain in his butt and the ugliest neck brace known to man attached to his body. There was no way his Wednesday was ever going to improve. Could it?

you make me feel.. | kalika_999 (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

All Steve wanted was to take a breather, decompress after a mission and go out for a jog in the rain. He wasn't expecting to hide out in a bookstore filled with new and used books or that the employee that worked there thought he was an absolute loser and didn't even realize he was insulting Captain America.

nothing in the world that could stop it | rainbow_nerds (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky just wanted to send his best friend a picture of his cat being an idiot while he was taking a bath. Was it really his fault for forgetting the full length mirror right opposite the tub?

rescue me and hold me in your arms | 74days (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky is on the worst date of his life, and what he really needs of for this waitress to get the message he's sending her with his mind to rescue him. She doesn't, but she does send someone to extract him from a night of torture...

odd ways | peterbparker (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“And it would have been an amazing night with my son if he wasn’t distracted by the hot guy on the other side of the room,” Sarah sighed, shaking her head. “He’s been looking over at you for the past fifteen minutes.”

Bucky choked on the mouthful of beer he had just taken.

“What?” he croaked. Things were starting to make a little more sense now.

“Right?” Sarah said, waving her hand towards her son. “He completely ignored my garden stories because he’s been making eyes at you so I decided to come over and introduce myself.”

series

rare is this love (keep it covered) | @musette22 (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

It’s 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.

coming up easy | @musette22 (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“Listen, I was just thinking,” Steve says, his face open, eyebrows raised in a tentatively hopeful expression. “Why don’t you come stay at my place for a while? I’ve got an office that I barely use, and a change of scenery might do you good, right? Help you beat that writer’s block?” With a crooked smile, he adds, “I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

While Bucky would normally crack a joke about how that’s exactly what a serial killer would say, right now, all he can do is blink at Steve in surprise, heart tripping over itself in his chest. Steve wants him to come and stay at his place. In Massachusetts. Just the two of them.

"Oh," Bucky croaks. "I- Wow."

“I mean, no pressure,” Steve says hastily. “Totally fine if you don’t wanna. I just thought I’d offer, in case it might help, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Bucky ignores the little voice in his head that sounds an awful lot Nat and Becca, telling him he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. “I mean, if you’re sure, that would be amazing.”

4 minute window | @cesperanza

steve x bucky

"Look, if they catch me," Bucky muttered, "they're either going to kill me or they're going to put me in a box with a little window and—Steve, I can't."

swapped | writeonclara (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

if u wanted my number u couldve just asked

u didnt have to steal my whole phone ;)

Steve stared down at his phone, confused. He didn't recognize the number – except, oh wait, he really did. That was his number. On his phone.

He flipped the phone over, then slid one hand down his face. Not his phone.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

[stupid fucking] brooklyn hipster bros | relenaflanel (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky's mother gives him an ultimatum. Bucky doesn't respond well.

All Barneses are stubborn assholes, Steve observes, as though he doesn't see the irony of calling someone else stubborn. Or an asshole.

And Bucky can't even deny he is a total asshole for lying to his mother about dating Steve just so he doesn't have to bring someone else to her wedding, but damn if he's not going to give the lie everything he has.

brought to brightness | eyres (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

Army veteran Bucky Barnes has fallen in love with Steve, a guy he met online a few months after he returned from Afghanistan. Only problem is, he doesn't know Steve's last name or even what he looks like.

When his sister helps him send his story into MTV's Catfish, he's hoping they can help him meet Steve or, at least, let him move on with his life if Steve isn't real. Little does he know, Steve and Captain America have more in common than just a first name.

slide to answer | relenaflanel (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

"What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.

“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”

how to woo the winter soldier | writeonclara (AO3)

steve x bucky

“I think I’m ready to date again,” Steve said.

“What,” Natasha said.

“What?” Clint said, lowering his binoculars. He blinked at the dumbstruck look on the Captain’s face, then followed his gaze to where he was staring dopily at—at the Winter fucking Soldier.

“Steve, no,” Clint groaned.

Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.

all these things that i’ve done | @not-withoutyou 

steve x bucky

Steve was the patron saint of waiting too long. Bucky was atoning for his sins. Maybe they’d both been forsaken, abandoned by the light. Maybe they’d find a way back to each other again.

Post civil war, if things had gone differently.

find a way (to make it back home) | belwrites (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (college au)

Fresh off a year abroad, Head Resident Assistant Steve Rogers finds his senior year of college to be full of changes, and he's not just talking about the growth spurt. He's more concerned with the fact that his best friend...isn't talking to him? Is dating his ex? May or may not be missing an arm?

In which Steve has no fucking clue what's going on, but he's trying, Bucky learns how to communicate with his best friend again, and everyone quietly panics about the future.

is it pretending if i already want you? | OhCaptainMyCaptain (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Based on prompt: Pretend Boyfriends AU where one of their families is always wondering why they're never in a relationship, so the other offers to pretend to be their boyfriend for some family event

the roommate | layersofart, Niitza (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

In which Steven G. Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, gets a roommate. Who rapidly turns into his "roommate"—in the euphemistic sense of the word.

It takes SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers an absurd amount of time to notice.

dear mr. postman | odetteandodile (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve and Bucky revive an old friendship, get married (but totally just as friends, for reasons), and navigate a few of the many trials of the heart that come with falling in love with your best friend.

fate will play us out | steveandbucky (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

Bucky has landed himself a job with Stark Industries. He doesn't know yet that the job is actually being the PR manager for the Avengers.

Bucky has also started dating Steve Rogers. He also doesn't know yet that Steve is Captain America.

Bucky's life is about to get a whole lot more exciting.

the avengers hate club | notebooksandlaptops (AO3)

pop star steve x modern bucky

Bucky falls hopelessly for Steve and starts an Avengers hate club with the lead singer of the Avengers.

songbird | chicklette (AO3) (18+)

modern steve x musician bucky

At 43, James Barnes is a washed up old man. He’s got a dozen Grammys in the hall closet, an agent that can’t get him a deal, a decade-old case of writer’s block, a moody teen-aged daughter, and the gorgeous actress Natasha Romanova for an ex-wife. Well, one of them anyway. He’s a man who’s given up on finding joy in his life, and if it wasn’t for his kid, he’d have probably found a way to quit the world a long time ago.

Enter Steven Grant Rogers, struggling twenty-something, orphan, and someone who has no idea who Barnes is, other than some musician his mom liked a lot. The two men meet by accident, doing nothing more than passing the time in a quiet bar. But when a pap gets a shot of the two men embracing, Bucky takes it as a chance to finally come out as bisexual, and his agent makes him a proposition: Ten new songs and one very sweet boyfriend will get him a new record deal that will maybe, just maybe put him back on top.

Now all he has to do is write the songs, convince the kid, and not fall in love. Should be easy, right?

the right partner | LeeHan (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x ws bucky

Steve meets a beautiful man with a bright laugh on a sunny day in Italy. Captain America meets the elusive Winter Soldier moments later.

Date Bucky Barnes. Defeat the Winter Soldier. Bring down Hydra. How hard could it be?

#stucky fic #stucky fic recs #steve x bucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky #bucky barnes #steve rogers

[btsinwonderland]

A Drop of Poison - Ch. 16: Questions

A Loki fanfiction!

Previous Chapter --- Next Chapter

Full Chapter List

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Hungry. Blood. Flesh.

Hungry. Blood. Flesh.

The mantra circles in your mind as you prowl the forest, searching for your next meal. It has been days since you found something good. The creatures of the forest were now keen to your presence, so they found better spots to hide.

You stalk the forest floor, smelling the scent of flesh in the air. Nothing but carcass and dead meat until you catch the scent of a sweeter meat. You run in the direction and give way to the chase. The creature runs from you and you snarl, laughing. There are few things in this forest that can outrun you.

You pounce and look into the eyes of a doe. It lets out a gargled yelp as you snap your jaws around its throat.

Hungry. Blood. Flesh.

You awoke with a start and felt bile in the back of your throat. You tasted blood in your mouth and nearly vomited from the thought of eating flesh. Inspecting with your finger, you realized you had bitten your cheek in your sleep. You took a minute to settle back into reality while the nightmare faded away, though the stench of blood was hot in your mouth.

The bed was empty save for you, and you looked around. Your school clothes were neatly folded and ready for you at the end of the bed.

“Hello?” you said once you got clothed and felt a little more like yourself again. Fatigue still coated every one of your steps, but you stood by his desk and glanced around the room. He popped out from the closet and gave you a tight smile. He was holding a briefcase.

“Ah, you’re awake,” he said. “I left breakfast on the nightstand there,” he said, gesturing to a plate of toast, eggs, and bacon.

“Where are you going?” you said, sliding over beside the nightstand and taking a bite of bacon.

His jaw tightened. “I must tend to some business, I shall return in a week.”

Your eyes narrowed. “What business?”

“I did not realize that I was to run every meeting in my schedule through you, Miss Eves,” he said. He looked irritated, though it seemed like a faraway sort of feeling.

Your heart hitched at his words. “I just want to know why you’re leaving when Hogwarts was attacked again, it will look suspicious.”

He chuckled humorlessly. “Ah, so you think I was behind this, too. You didn’t care to mention that last night,” he said, looking away.

Anger flared up within you. Anger and embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to insinuate anything. I’m just saying that it will not help your case if you cut and run after another attack.”

He glared at you. “I do not ‘cut and run’, Miss Eves. Nor do I care what the rest of the school thinks. You may do what you wish, as will I.”

You dropped the half eaten bacon on the plate and got up. “Why can’t you just talk about things like a normal person? Did it ever occur to you that sometimes you have to earn trust than just expect it blindly?”

He was wearing the icy shield that he usually surrounded himself in. It was impenetrable, and you knew you would not get anywhere with him now.

“If you do not trust me, Miss Eves, then you are free to leave. And be sure to stay out of my way,” he said coldly.

You felt the sting of tears in your eyes but refused to show him your weakness. Anger boiled your blood, along with a maddening frustration. You stormed to the door and just before slamming it shut, said, “this is why you’re always alone.”

***

After about an hour of being a tearful mess in your room, you decided it was enough. He said things that hurt you and so you retaliated and were ashamed of what a low blow you had given him. You had not bothered to see him afterwards, in order to apologize, and by now you assumed he was off conducting his ‘business’. You sighed and went to wash your face.

This was no time to be crying or taking things personally. You knew he acted angry whenever he was hiding something or wanted to throw you off. He was a man that smiled and joked around but kept everyone more than an arm’s length away. He was not going to shake you that easily, if that’s what he thought would happen. You promised yourself that you would not let him die, and you would sooner die yourself than go back on your word.

You thought about the first vision you had of him. It seemed like a dream of a dream now. It had been weeks since you had any sort of vision. Ever since your encounter with Fenris, you were haunted. Infected. Looking in the mirror, you reached up a hand and caressed the skin on your face, observing the sallow quality it had taken on, getting used to the black half moons under your eyes.

You tied up your hair in a ponytail that was all business and went to the Great Hall for lunch. Valkyrie was there, and she jumped up and embraced you as soon as your eyes met.

“Freya!” she said, giving you a bear hug. You had never heard such intense concern in her voice before. “I knew you’d make it, but for a moment I thought...”

You pulled away and looked at her face; it was creased with anxiety. “What’s wrong?”

She sighed and pulled you into a corner, away from eager ears. “It’s Thor - Professor Odinson. He’s still in the infirmary. That...thing that attacked you was a serperus. And there were more of them in the gardens. Odinson went to fight them off and was lashed by three of them before he went down.” Valkyrie ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head. “I should have been there with him...but those bloody leech things that popped out of the balloons.... We lost each other in the ball from all the chaos.” She sighed. “Volstagg says he’s a fighter, that he’ll make it. But there was so much venom Freya...his legs turned purple.”

You concealed a cringe that went through your body. Recalling the pain of one serperus was awful enough, but three? You would have surely died. “Professor Odinson is one of the strongest wizards I know. He’s going to recover.” You squeezed her hands.

She nodded, the sparkle of determination returning to her eyes. “Who’s doing this? First Rattowl, then the Quidditch game gets fucked up, then you find Pom’s brother mutilated in the forest, then that bloody message about some heir, and now they set off these disgusting creatures at the ball? What the fuck is going on?” Her jaw clenched in rage. “The teachers are all buffoons; a fat lot of help they’ve been!”

“That’s why we need to find who’s doing this,” you said. “ And I think I know where to start.”

With that, the both of you headed to Professor Bjorn’s hut just outside the castle. Hogwarts was now under strong guard and you had to sneak back and grab the invisibility cloak before going outside. Professor Laufeyson was the only one who could tell where you were when you were cloaked since he had the marauder’s map, though you doubted he would keep watch of anything during his trip; a fact which both relieved and irritated you.

“Why are we going to Bjorn’s? You think he’s behind this?” Valkyrie said, confused.

You scoffed. “No! But he’s the expert on magical creatures. How could someone transport that many blood slugs and serperus’ into the castle undetected?”

As you walked, Valkyrie caught you up on everything you had missed in the last couple days since the ball disaster. During the ball, at midnight, the students and teachers knew there would be some sort of prank as per annual custom, but when the first of the balloons burst, and a young second-year student screamed his lungs out and thumped to the floor, chaos ensued. Apparently, Mo had to pry a slug off of Nila’s neck and she was bleeding profusely. Pom and her date were helping others as well until a slug took her date down by the ankle and he had two feasting on him before Valkyrie came over and helped Pom pry them off.

“Goddamn, leeches bite hard. Tearing them off was a nightmare,” Valkyrie said.

You shuddered and almost preferred the fatal venom to having slimy leeches attached to you.

The infirmary was overloaded once again, and much worse this time. Students and teachers were called to volunteer and assist the infirmary staff since there were so many injured. The Ministry Blood Bank had to bring in a special order for all the students and staff suffering from major blood loss.

“The Ministry is pissed off,” she said. You thought about Odin and the image of him in Professor Laufeyson’s memories. He always looked angry, though you would imagine that his entire administration was now going to be up in arms.

The hut was cloaked in fog, with only the thin lamplight from the windows guiding you towards it. The edge of the Forbidden Forest was dangerously close to his home, and you wondered how he was comfortable with it. You and Valkyrie walked down the hill and approached the house, concealed underneath the cloak. There was a crash and bang from inside that made you both jump.

You took off the cloak and rapped on the door. The wood was cold and cracked; it stung your knuckles.

“No guests till tomorrow!” shouted Bjorn’s raspy voice. You heard another sound from inside, a mewling sort of sound that was almost like a mixture of a bird and a cat.

“Come on, Professor Bjorn, what’s goin’ on in there?” Valkyrie said, pounding her first on the door so hard that it shook.

The door swung open and slammed against the inside wall. Professor Bjorn stood there, towering over the both of you. He smelled funny, like a fish market in the summer, and his beard was singed at the tips, as if he leaned too close to a fire. “No students on the grounds! Get back to the school before I dock ya,” he said with a growl, and slammed the door. Valkyrie put her foot out just in time and shoved the door open, entering the hut.

You were always impressed with her fearlessness and lack of hesitation. You had expected Professor Bjorn to fight back, but in fact, he backed up into a corner and tried to conceal something behind him. Something that was moving.

“I-it’s not what it looks like, I swear,” he said, his tone dropping.

Valkyrie pulled out her wand and pointed it at him, “you bastard!”

“Wait, Valkyrie!” you said as you moved closer to see what he was hiding. Five tiny heads tilted towards you with forked tongues slipping out of scaly mouths. It was a serperus, though it was about half the size of the one you had remembered seeing before you passed out. You pulled out your want and pointed it at Professor Bjorn. How could he?

“You did this?” you said, disbelief in your words.

Professor Bjorn was terribly sweaty and distressed. He frowned as if he might cry and shook his head. “No! Please understand, they were killin’ all of them. I found this one hiding in the corner, so confused and lost. Serperus’ don’t attack people, ‘tis not in their nature!”

Valkyrie took a step forward and clenched her jaw. “What - so we’re supposed to believe you were just rescuing the monster that almost killed us? Freya nearly died! Professor Odinson is lying unconscious ‘cause of this thing! How can you sit here, protecting it?”

“It’s just an animal! It’s scared and I don’t know what dark enchantments were used to control these things, but they’re not harmful,” he paused when both you and Valkyrie scoffed at him, implying they were not dangerous. “I’m not saying they can’t be harmful, but they eat rabbits, mice and fish! Everythin’ else is a defense mechanism. These beasts are like cats.”

You and Valkyrie looked at each other. “Cats?” you said incredulously.

The small serperus slithered out of the corner, its scales glimmered with a bluish sheen from the lamplight. The barbs on its tail were red coloured, but they were not fanned out like the one in your memory, but tucked in like a feline’s claws. One head moved towards you while the others looked at Valkyrie. The creature slithered over to you, and when you took a step back, its tail twitched and Valkyrie was about to shoot a spell at it. You raised your hand and silently stopped her. The creature slithered across the floorboards and moved through your legs, like some sort of monstrous cat.

“It likes you,” Bjorn said with a smile.

You sighed, your palpitations decreasing now that you knew you would not be stung. Glancing at Valkyrie with a pleading look, she reluctantly lowered her wand. Since the entire room released tension, Professor Bjorn pulled out two chairs and put on a kettle of tea.

Once you were all situated around the table with a cup of tea, you spoke. “Professor, how could someone control these creatures? And the blood slugs, how was someone able to get them into the school?”

Valkyrie wrinkled her nose at the smell of raw fish that sat in the bucket beside Professor Bjorn. He reached inside with an ungloved hand and pulled out fish guts, feeding it to the serperus, who happily slopped up its food with each of its five mouths. He then stroked his beard with the fish stained hand. “That’s the question, ain’t it? The only curse that can control a beast to that extent is one of the forbidden curses.”

“The imperius curse,” Valkyrie said.

Bjorn nodded. “That’s the one. As for the blood slugs,” he said, scratching at his head. “I have no clue how those would have been brought into Hogwarts without us knowin’. We got charms here, you know, all sorts of protection spells.”

“How does someone even get blood slugs? I can’t imagine this person spent a week hunting and collecting hundreds of them in the forest,” you said.

Bjorn shook his head. “Nah, Freya, blood slugs live in the swamp, not the forest. But you got a point. There are...certain folks who are in the market of selling strange and exotic creatures.”

You straightened in your chair. “Can you find out who it was?”

The serperus mewled, and Bjorn took another handful of fish huts and held out his hand for it to eat. “I-I don’t know anybody like that. I’m completely above board, kids,” he said, looking down at the fish bucket.

Valkyrie raised a brow. “Oh please, save us the lies. You know someone in the market, and you’re going to find out who was exporting blood slugs and to whom.” She glanced at the serperus. “Or else we’ll have to tell the teachers about your...pet.”

You raised your brows at Valkyrie, impressed. Exploitation was not something you enjoyed, but this was important.

Bjorn balked. “Don’t tell them, please! They’re goin’ to kill ‘im!”

You folded your hands on the table. “Then help us, please, sir. People are getting hurt,” you said earnestly. He looked at you and sighed.

“Alright, I’ll call my old buddies and see wha’ I can get.”

Once you returned to the castle, you snuck Valkyrie into your room and stuffed the cloak under your bed. She jumped onto the bed of your estranged roommate and stared at the ceiling. “I smell like fish guts,” she said.

Perhaps it was the fatigue or the despair. Regardless, you both immediately burst out laughing to the point of tears. You slid down the bed and onto the floor, holding onto your stomach and trying to contain yourself. It was partial hysteria, but once you settled down you appreciated the moment of levity.

“I’m going to use your shower,” she said, staggering up and wiping tears off her face.

“Want to stay the night? I’ll grab some food from the kitchen,” you said.

Valkyrie smiled at you and nodded. It had been a while since you two had time to catch up. You also didn’t want to be alone. There was too much happening and in all truth, it frightened you. So you headed out of the common room and ventured out to find some grub.

The halls were strangely vacant as you headed towards the kitchen. You saw Skurge mopping up the stairs from across the hall and recalled that time in the library when you first saw Professor Laufeyson. He was having sex with Professor Sif, trying to get information out of her. You thought that you would be jealous, but in fact the memory reignited your desire for him. What if it had been you in Sif’s place? You shivered at the thought of his length inside you. Your imagination transformed your memory and now it was you splayed on the table, with him pounding into you. You bit your lip and shook your head. A sigh escaped your lips as you crossed your arms and tried not to think about him.

“Freya!” a small voice called from behind. It was Pom. She stuck her head out from a set of doors.

You had not realized that you passed the library and walked in to see Pom. “How are you?” you said.

She widened her eyes and blinked several times. “I don’t know, Freya. I was one of the lucky ones. But I need to show you something!” She pulled you by the hand to the area she was working in. Piles of books sat atop the tables labeled as “The Era of the Dark One”.

Pom pulled out one labelled Volume IX and opened it. “Okay, so remember when we were freaking out about that message on the wall? Everybody wondered who was the heir and of what? And before the ball, I started reading about the magical war and history about the Dark One. There is so much to read through, it was going to take me nearly a week! Then the ball happened…” she collected herself, then continued, “so I came back here since I had nothing better to do. And I found something.”

You leaned closer to her. “Found what?”

She smiled, proud of herself. “The Dark One,” she said, lowering her voice. “He had a child.”

Your stomach sank, wondering if she would unveil that Professor Laufeyson was the mastermind. “Everybody knows that Professor Laufeyson was the Dark One’s son, but it can’t be him…”

Pom shook her head. “No! He had another child…”

You felt a headache settling in, right between your eyes. “What do you mean? The one that died with him in battle?”

She nodded. “Yes! And no! There’s almost no information about his second child, as if it’s been wiped from all records. But...I think I may find something in one of these books!”

“How’s a dead wizard going to help us?”

Pom’s face fell a little. She scrunched her nose. “I know there’s something more here. I have a hunch. I’ll let you know when I find something!”

You nodded and left her to keep scouring through the old texts. The thought crossed your mind to write in the magical notebook you had found and ask Leah if she knew anything. Though you could no longer recall where you kept the book. Unless it had switched away from you, which would be unfortunate.

The headache split your head in two as you flinched from the pain. He would have something useful, a draught or pill that would make the pain go away. Your heart yearned for him, not just for the use of his potions skills. It was going to be a long week until he returned and you prayed that nothing else got destroyed along the way.

#loki x reader #loki imagine #loki fics #loki fan fiction #tom hiddleston #loki of asgard #loki (marvel) #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #hogwarts au #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki series #mcu loki #loki show #loki disney+ #Professor Loki #Loki of Hogwarts #bad loki #good loki #mysterious loki #angst #fluff #adventure story #tom hiddleston loki #slow burn #loki x female reader

[tanzen-neko]

Summertime Magic (Vincent x MC)

Here’s my late entry for July 13th for the Summer of Smut challenge. Thanks @voltage-vixen for extending the submission date. You’re awesome. Hope you enjoy!

Summertime Magic (Vincent x MC)

IkemenVampire

Summer of Smut Challenge- July 13th: (Oral) Sex Under the Sun Dress

Warnings: public sex, fingering, oral sex, outdoors

“Vincent? Are you almost ready??”

Vincent adjusted his new linen pants before he shouted back a yes to his girlfriend who was still in the bathroom. Sliding on his loafers, he sat patiently on the bed to wait for her to emerge. It had been 6 months since he had traveled to the future, and a few more since he got to be reunited with the one person who owned his body and soul. It still seemed like a dream more than not to him. The first night they had spent together, he had stared at her long after she had fallen asleep. He never thought it was possible to love someone so much. He still got pangs of sadness when he thought of his dearest brother, and the residents of the mansion he had left behind. Hell, every blue moon he even felt a stab of regret and sympathy for Shakespeare, but he never regretted his decision for a single moment. How could he when she showed him how much more to life there was?

“Cover your eyes!” she shouted at him, voice muffled behind the closed door. He felt a gentle smile come over his face as he complied.

“Done. Are you coming out now?”

He heard the door open and close, and smelt her perfume as she made her way closer to him. She pressed her cool hands against his, and dropped a kiss on his forehead.

“You can open them now,” she whispered.

He uncovered his eyes as she stepped back, a giant smile on her face. Vincent felt his mouth drop. She was in a dress, though he didn’t know if he could even call it that. Grazing her mid thighs, her legs were on full display. She had never worn such a short garment before in the mansion unless it was under one of her dresses. He felt his mouth go dry as she twirled and the dress flared out showing her beautiful thighs. 

“Wha-,” he stopped and cleared his throat before trying again. “What is that you’re wearing?”

She let out a laugh at his confusion, holding up the sides of the chemise again.

“What? It’s a sundress. It’s too hot out. But don’t you like the print?”

“Who cares about print when all I can focus on is how much I want to devour your legs and thighs?” he thought to himself. Instead of acting on those instincts however, he reigned them in and forced himself to actually look at the dress. He felt himself fall in love with her all over again. Cinched tightly at her waist, it was sleeveless and scooped down showing off just a hint of her breasts. But it was the print that had his heart squeezing in his chest; it was one of his sunflowers paintings. The blue background complimented her skin perfectly, and the sunflowers had never seemed so vivid as they did on the one he called geliefde.

“Do you like it?” she giggled twirling around once more.

“I, I love it. You look so beautiful. To have my sunflower wear my sunflowers is a dream come true.”

She rolled her eyes good naturedly at his cheesy words, but blushed a little all the same.

“And it even has pockets!” she exclaimed excitedly, shoving her hands into them almost gleefully.

“Don’t all sundresses?” he asked. 

“Oh, sweet baby Vincent, you still have a lot to learn,” she said, patting his arm. She went to the kitchen of their sunny little apartment, and pulled out an ice cold bottle of lemonade from the fridge. He inwardly chuckled as he thought of how blown away the residents of the mansion would be at all the advances in technology. He knew Arthur especially would be a fan of the computer for his writing. She grabbed some fresh strawberries, and finished up packing the picnic basket. She had mentioned wanting to take him to a new spot she had stumbled upon, and even had packed his easel and paints in the trunk of her car,but with that dress on her, he was worried about eyes being on her.

“Um, are you sure we should go out?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt his face heat up, and knew that a blush was probably dancing across his cheeks as he spoke. She turned to him, a wrinkle forming in between her brows. 

“What? Why? Are you not feeling well? You look a little red.”

She came over and pressed her cool hand against his forehead, worry etched on her cute face. Unable to resist, he leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, and was rewarded with a shy smile from her.

“Will…. Will your sundress be okay to wear out?”

She stared at him for a moment before cracking up in laughter.  Throwing her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him down into a quick peck on the cheek.

“Vincent, I promise you. No one will be concerned with my dress. I’ve seen quite a few shorter. I bet you will too during your time here.” 

He still wasn't convinced by her words but decided to let it go.  He didn't want to ruin their plans for the day, especially with the glow of excitement on her face.

” It'll be fine I promise. I can't wait to show you the special spot I found for us!”

 Vincent had to admit to himself that he was curious about what spot she had found especially given the fact that they had barely been separated for the last month besides her going to and from work. So, even though he had his reservations, he still grabbed the picnic basket and her hand as they walked out to the car. Driving with her was always an experience. She would turn up the music  and sing along, often flashing him smiles and encouraging him to learn the lyrics as well. Though it was only  a short drive, it seemed like it lasted forever since he couldn't help but keep staring at her thighs as she drove. He clenched his hands tightly on his lap to resist the urge to reach out and squeeze them.

 “What is your problem, Vincent??” he thought. Since when had a garment had such an effect on him? 

“Vincent? Vince, did you hear me?” He snapped back to attention, feeling bad that he missed her words. 

“I’m sorry, I must have zoned out.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. 

“That’s ok! I was just saying how I hope you like this place as much as I think you would. And that once we get your identification, maybe you’d like working at a flower shop!” He lifted her hand to his lips, humming his agreement. He loved how excited she always was, and the optimism she had about their relationship and future together. 

“We’re here!!” Parking the car, she did a little dance before popping the trunk and hopping out. 

“Come on Vincent!” He chuckled to himself before getting out and helping her unload the trunk. His paint supplies tucked under one arm, he followed behind her as she carried their basket, smiling and nodding to any people she crossed on the trail. They walked for a while, the terrain steadily becoming less paved with fewer people around.

“Almost there,” she called back, panting a little.  He wouldn't have minded an hour long walk; he was enjoying the view of her thighs and the way the dress clung to her plump backside. 

“Just past these bushes.” She pushed through, and held them back a bit in order for him to walk through.

“Tada! Do you like it?”

How could he not? A giant expanse of field, it was shielded all around by the trees, and bushes. The grass looked soft and lush, a bright green that was speckled throughout with flowers. He thought he even heard the quiet trickle of a stream somewhere. 

“My coworker told me about it. So I left work early the other day to come check it out. I, I know you must be homesick more than you let on, and this reminded me of the field you used to paint in back in the mansion. I figured that this could be your special spot when it all got to be a bit too much.” 

She stood behind him, uncertainty in her eyes as she rubbed her arm. He knew his silence must have been worrisome, but the prickle behind his eyes, and the dryness in his throat made it too hard to talk without crying. So instead he dropped his supplies, walked over and kissed her, the picnic basket awkwardly bumping between their bodies. He tried his hardest to pour all his thanks and love into that. When they parted to catch their breaths, she blushed and ducked her head down, busying herself with setting it down, and smoothing out her dress. 

“I take it you like it then? Do,do you want to paint or eat first?”

Vincent looked around the clearing to make sure they were truly alone before leading her over to the shade of one of the trees, backing her against its trunk.

“I’d love to paint you in the middle of all the tall grass, basking in the sun. But first, I have to have you before anyone else comes along. Is that ok?” She nodded up at him, her lips still dewy from the previous kiss. 

“Oh mijn liefste, how is it that you grow more beautiful every time I look at you?” he murmured against her lips before kissing the corner of them. “I love you. Oh how I love you.” He kissed her upturned lips, swallowing the contented sigh she let out. Her lips were so soft, and kissing her always made his head spin. He delved between her lips, finding her tongue. Brushing gently against it with his own, he gripped her sides to pull her closer in his embrace. He broke the kiss to bury his face in her neck, breathing in the scent of perfume and sweat. He ran his tongue along her pulse, and felt his teeth begin to emerge. He wanted to bite her, to taste her. She clung to him angling her neck in order to give him the best access, but he pulled back.

“Not there,” he panted out. “I want to bite you, but somewhere else.”

He dropped another kiss to her lips before dropping down to his knees. He ran his fingers along the hem of the sundress, caressing the back of her thighs and stroking them up and down her calves. Circling her ankles with his fingers, he nuzzled his face into the side of her leg, kissing her behind her knee. He peppered her thigh with kisses, rubbing and kneading her calves. He moved back in order to hook one of her legs over his shoulder, her dress riding up, the tantalizing softness of her thigh so close to his mouth. 

“You’ve been driving me mad with this dress today. Your thighs. Oh, your thighs look so tempting. I need to bite you there.” 

She nodded her head rapidly, her mouth forming an “o” as she threaded her fingers in his hair. Without waiting for further encouragement, he sank his fangs into her thigh  . His mouth was immediately flooded with her taste, a bouquet of the sweetest honey and apples he’d ever had. Her moans and gasped went straight to his already throbbing erection, and he used his free hand to palm himself lightly through his pants, the combination of her blood and cries almost causing him to cum from the light touch alone. He forced himself to stop, and lowered her leg. Her knees buckled, and he caught her. Lowering her down along the tree. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, kissing her along her temple. He felt her nod against his lips. 

“Good, because I need more of you, please. Just a little more.” He pushed her dress up, and hooked his fingers in the top of her panties. He pulled them down her legs, and breathed in the smell of her arousal. He could see it glistening along her inner thighs, as he pushed her knees up and out. He slid himself down onto his stomach, not caring about the dirt and grass that were no doubt leaving stains on his clothing. Her smell was driving him insane. He leaned in, licking a long swipe from the bottom of her sex to her clit. She shuddered slightly, bringing her thighs closer inwards. He ran his tongue around her clit in light circles. He pushed one finger into her, groaning at how she sucked him right in. He wanted to bury himself in her, to get lost in her body. But he told himself to be patient. For now he needed to thank her for finding this spot for him, for wearing a sundress that made his heart (or more accurately his cock) throb, for just being her. He flattened his tongue before running it directly against her clit, like he learned she liked. Her soft breaths and gasps were driving him crazy; he needed to hear more of them. He withdrew her fingers, and drew back. Gripping the backs of her thighs, he pulled her closer to him before he dived in, his tongue flicking inside her. He used his nose against the underside of her clit. He drove his tongue as deeply as he could, loving the change in her cries. He kept at it until he thought his lungs were burst. Coming up for a breath, he immediately replaced his tongue with his finger. He added another one , curving them upwards like she had taught him. 

“Oh fu-, yes that’s it, Vincent. Just like that,” she gasped out. 

Wrapping his lips around her clit, he sucked in time with the thrusts and curls of his fingers, his eyes were glued to her face. Her head was thrown back, and her face was scrunched up tightly as she worried at her lower lip with her teeth. He loved watching her cum. He could feel her pulsing around his fingers and knew she was close to it. Just then, he picked up on the sound of laughter coming from further down the trail. It sounded like whoever it was was still a ways away, and they were shielded from view. He could tell that she hadn’t heard them. Not wanting to make her worry, he sped up his thrusts, and added his tongue to the assault on her clit. . She moved against his mouth, her fingers flexing and unflexing in his hair. He could tell the people were getting closer, and in a moment of sheer desperation, used his free hand to tweak on her clit, and pierced the skin of her inner thigh ever so slightly. She came then, his name combined with a breathless scream. Vincent usually liked to keep going as she rode out her orgasm, but he didn’t have time. With lightning speed, he pulled away from her, and pulled her dress back over her still trembling thighs. Still riding out her waves of pleasure, she looked at him in confusion. He wiped his mouth clean on his arm, and grabbed her underwear, shoving it in his pocket. He knew he couldn’t do anything about her clearly pleasured face, or his disheveled clothing, but hoped that the shade of the tree would work in their favor. He sat down next to her, and pulled her halfway into his chest.

“Vincent, what is your problem??” she asked, angrily. He opened his mouth to answer, as the voices became audible from the trail outside the bushes. She stared up at him wide eyed as a look of dawning embarrassment crossed her features. She buried her face into his chest, as the laughing couple came through to the clearing. They gave a wave towards Vincent, before crossing through the clearing to the other side. Vincent pulled her face from his chest, gently poking her cheeks.

“They’re gone,” he said softly. She just let out an embarrassed groan before trying to rebury her face. 

“No wonder you speed up,” she said, muffled against him. And he had to laugh. She soon joined his laughter, and he handed her back her underwear as he brushed the dirt from his clothing. Once they were decent, he hugged her close to him again, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“Thank you again,” he murmured. “It’s beautiful here. Just like you are. Now that I’ve had a quick meal, go find a spot to pose in while I set up.”

She slapped his chest lightly at his cheeky words, but flashed him that breathtaking smile of her before settling down, making sure to hike her sundress up every so slightly to keep at her thighs at full display. She sent a jaunty wink and smirk at him before staring off into the distance. Letting out a sigh, Vincent forced himself to set up his easel and canvas instead of giving into her teasing. One thing was for sure, sundresses were bound to be the death of him.

#ikemen vampire smut #Ikemen Vampire #ikemen vincent #summerofsmut #summer of smut challenge

[dirt-cup-draco]

Sirius x Reader- Everyone But Me

Can u please do young!sirius x reader in which the reader is friends with Lily and the marauders. And in an attempt to try and see if Lily has any feelings for James, u flirt with James. And James being James goes along with it, also bc he knows Sirius likes u and he thinks it’s funny. Which does in fact not only make Lily jealous but also Sirius. Could the reader also be mega bffs with Rem please? I’m just a slut for jealous Sirius. I’m glad ur feeling better, I love you pumpkin

“I can’t believe you!” You giggled, head resting in the crook of Remus’ neck as you lost your composure. The marauders were devilish on and off the quidditch pitch and you weren’t going to tell anyone that peter had been muttering curses underneath his breath to throw off the Slytherin seeker while James worked on winning the game. 

“It was harmless, really, we would’ve won the game regardless,” Sirius chimed in, tossing his arm around you and pulling you from Remus’ side into his own as he fought back the small twang of jealousy he felt. He knew that Remus had his eye on that McKinnon girl that Lily was so fond of but he couldn’t help it. He loved that you were close with everybody he cared about. Sirius couldn’t ever fall for someone who wouldn’t give his friends a chance, but he also felt fear.

Fear that he wasn’t good enough in comparison to them. Remus was kindhearted and intelligent, possessing a calm and intelligence that Sirius thought he’d never have. Peter was in his head but he had good intentions and was cute, Sirius didn’t pull off cute well- in his own opinion that was. And then there was James Potter. James, his best friend and the golden boy of gryffindor. 

Which brought him to the whomping willow, hours later, back pressed against the dusty planks within the tree. When it wasn’t being used as a safe haven for Remus during the full moon it was a nice place for them to meet up and spend hours getting up to no good and enjoying their youth. You were all sat in a circle, you sitting directly between Remus and James, Sirius across from you. 

It was a miracle you hadn’t noticed that his eyes had been trained on you since the second you had arrived with a smug smile and firewhisky tucked behind your back to share. 

It was a miracle that Sirius didn’t notice the sly look you sent Lily’s way. You had a gleam in your eye and you finished off the cup of firewhisky you had in your hand, just enjoying the pleasant warmth that had spread through you. It was late and the whomping willow wasn’t the warmest of places as October reached its midpoint. 

“So James, brilliant play today,” You cooed, changing the subject so the focus was on James and James alone. Sirius felt sick but watched in curiosity. 

“Course it was,” James laughed but smiled back, sending a long look to Sirius, assessing him. Sirius was too stuck in his own mind to realize that he was being studied, he didn’t realize that to James the jealousy was clear. 

You watched Lily similarly, finding the way that her expression soured as she watched you, her own jealousy beaming through. Remus watched in amusement. Sirius and Lily were quite possibly the two most emotionally constipated people he had ever met in his life. 

James looked to you for a moment and your lips split into a wide grin, you winked, you actually bloody winked! Sirius felt disturbed but mainly disheartened. He didn’t like watching you express interest in James, he wanted it to be him regardless what James might feel towards you. Which seemed to be similar to your own feelings as he winked back. 

“I did it of course, for you dear Y/N,” James nearly laughed at the painful flirt that made it way past his lips. It was like trying to flirt with his sister, awkard and unnatural. You two had been stuck on a bet of sorts recently. James was adamant that Sirius was head over heels for you and you were certain Lily was begging the universe for James to make the first move, just so she didn’t have to lose her Evans pride by asking him first. 

You set your hand on James’ thigh as you talked, both egging on the other teens in the room that you fancied. It seemed to be too much for Sirius though as he hopped up from his reclined and faux relaxed position. 

“I’ve got to go,” Was all he said before he was running out. Peter looked at you all with shame and Remus snorted, hand held open for James to drop nearly a galleon’s worth of sickles into his waiting palm. Lily raised her brow in question as Marlene sipped at the firewhisky, soaking up the drama. 

“On you go then,” James directed, head jerking towards the entrance. 

You chewed your lip pensively. “I still don’t think you’re right,” 

“Our plan went just like we thought it would so what are you waiting for?” James asked and Lily’s mouth opened to ask but Remus shot her a look that told her she would be finding out very soon. 

“If you’re wrong-” You argued, nervous that Sirius wouldn’t feel the same. What if he did but didn’t now that you had been cruel? Jealousy was a feeling that tied your stomach in knots and made your heart feel like a concrete weight in your chest. If Sirius was feeling anything like that then you didn’t doubt he would be cross with your little game. 

“He’s not,” Remus reassured, hand warm on your back as he sent you an encouraging smile. “Sirius is mad for you, so go to him already.” 

You finally nodded, brushing the dust from your jeans as you chased after the boy that you hadn’t had the guts to tell how you felt without playing childish games. You hoped he wasn’t too upset. 

--

“Hey,” Your voice drifted on the icy breeze, features distorted by the moon’s light being broken up through the clouds above and Sirius froze in his tracks that had been leading anywhere that wasn’t near the whomping willow. “You left pretty quick,” 

You stood a few feet behind him with a perfect smile on your face, concerned about him. He cracked his own smile but if felt cheap and brittle. “Just needed some air, drank too much probably,” 

“You didn’t touch the firewhisky all night,” You pointed out and Sirius watched you intently.

“Guess not,” He shrugged lamely, not offering any explanation as to why he was lying to you. You understood he was hurt, or at least feeling inadequate, and it was up to you to make the first step. 

“Want to talk about it?” You asked, not quite sure what to do now.

“Nothing to talk about,” He couldn’t help the bitter tone. Why tell you how he felt when you clearly fancied James? Why else would you be all over his friend? But... that begged another question. Why were you here and not with James when you had both seemed to be enjoying each other’s flirting? 

“Alright then,” You said, smile stiff but you didn’t seem deterred as you grabbed Sirius’ hand in yours. “If you don’t have something to say, then I do. I’m sorry,” You opened your mouth to say more but it seemed stuck in your throat. 

Sirius could feel your palm, sweaty against his own as you struggled for words. “You’re sorry?” He prompted, not sure why you were apologizing. Your cheeks were red but he chalked it up the buzz and the chill in the air that was pricking at his own skin and undoubtedly battling the sweater you wore and winning. You shivered. 

“I’m sorry for being an idiot, I didnt mean to make you jealous-” 

“I wasn’t jealous!” Sirius immediately squeaked, face hot. 

You laughed. Sirius winced. 

“Whatever you and James are it’s cool, I’m not jealous,” He defended again, shielding his own emotions from you. You were still laughing! Was this funny to you? Sirius tore his hand from yours, making his way back towards the school. 

“Siri!” You sighed, realizing you once again had shared too little. “James and I aren’t anything! It was a trick, a prank, really! I was trying to get Lily to admit she liked James and he was doing the same to you.... Both of us are idiots,” 

Sirius stood still once again but he was almost too nervous to face you as you caught back up to him. “What’s the point? Why make a mockery of us?” 

“I-it wasn’t supposed to be that... I don’t want to mock you, I want you to know I like you, a lot,” 

Sirius scoffed. “Funny way of showing it,” Yet, his defenses had fallen with that one blow. Y/N liked him? Surely she couldn’t mean it. 

“I know,” You sighed, fingers intertwining with his once more as you tugged him to face you, his eyes darting around as he refused to make eye contact. He was trying to keep from looking hopeful in case this was still just one big joke. 

“Why?” He asked.

“I told you silly, because I like you and I’m an idiot and-” 

“No,” Sirius cut you off. “I mean, why me? Why not James? He’s- well he’s just better... Honestly, anyone would be better than me. I like you, oh merlin, I like you, Y/N-”

“But?” You encouraged.

“But you deserve better and anyone else would be a better match...” Sirius continued, trying to keep the hurt out of his tone. “I thought for a while you liked Remus and now James and I- Well I thought you liked everyone but me.” 

To anyone that wasn’t you or the marauders, Sirius would sound indifferent as he admitted his own low self esteem. To you, however, you realized just how stupid it was to make Sirius sit in his self doubt to try and get him to say he liked you instead of just admitting it yourself. 

“James is like my brother,” You wrinkled your nose in mock disgust. “I couldn’t ever feel that way about him! It’s always been you Sirius, I don’t care about anyone else the way I care about you. Remus is my best friend and James and Peter are like my annoying siblings, but that is all. You mean far more to me,” 

Sirius blinked slowly. “But I’m-” 

“Perfect,” You smiled. “In every way,” 

Sirius felt like he’d been punched. 

“So,” You blushed. “All that being said, would you do me the honor of letting me make up for my mistake and take you on a date?” 

Sirius beamed, kissing your knuckles as he squeezed your hand in response. “How could I deny you the honor of going on a date with all this?” He motioned to himself, his false confidence blurring with real confidence as he tried to process that you actually liked him! 

“Can I ask one thing though?” He chimed in after a moment of charged silence. 

“Of course,” You let go of the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. 

“Please, never do that again,” Sirius laughed weakly.

You agreed and pulled him into a tight hug, only pulling away when the rest of your friends found you some odd minutes later, stuck in a cozy embrace.

That weekend, you and Sirius, as well as James and Lily, had a lovely double date. The kiss you’d given him after had told Sirius all he need to know. It was him and only him and had been for quite some time. All was well.  

#sirius x reader #sirius black x reader #fluff #angst #ask #anon #anon ask #sirius black #sirius

[pigeontheoneandonly]

For your WIP list: Childhood Friends AU and Collateral Damage?

Thank you!!

Childhood Friends AU answered here.

Collateral Damage is a one-shot fic about Nathaly’s first real deployment after training, on a planet called Aonia, which was mutually claimed by both the Alliance and the Hegemony.  Their two colonies were separated by an open battlefield, and locked in a stalemate.  (Laine is her C.O., which is how they got to know each other well, though they met in N1.) 

Shepard, who is still enlisted at this point, but working her way towards being admitted to OCS, eventually comes up with an idea to break the stalemate, based on exploiting a tactic the batarians have used to great effect on other battlefronts.  The Alliance is victorious, and are in the process of mopping up batarians, when the batarians learn who orchestrated their demise-- and that it was a lowly corporal.  Furious, they decide to take revenge.

The story is told after the fact, as Shepard relays it to Anderson.  It came out of a challenge to write a story backwards, and became a key part of her backstory.

(It’s also how Nathaly caused Laine to lose his leg, if you remember that little anecdote from one of the early flashbacks in Labyrinth-- he got hit by a grenade during the action, and he playfully blames her because it was her idea.)

Excerpt:

Shepard plunked the cigarette between her lips.  Her lighter flared against the twilight.  She inhaled, to convince the flame to catch, and blew out smoke.  “Where the hell is Cheng?”

Private Brill scratched under the neck of his hardsuit.  “Only thing less likely than us getting daylight patrols again is Cheng strutting out on schedule.”

The fourth member of their squad, Kozlow, snorted a laugh and stubbed out his own cigarette, grinding it into the Aonian dust.  The trees carpeting the Relagris river valley undulated in the light breeze. The wind was welcome; local high summer at this latitude usually meant steaming flat days that left even the water too hot to offer any relief.  Body armor only made it worse.

Shepard took another drag.  “Last time we had a daylight, three guys got shipped back to Arcturus with missing bits. The colony brass may be thick but they’d never be that stupid.”

“Never say never. You are talking about the guys who backed the L.T.’s crazy-ass plan to get at the batarian base.”  Brill paused.  “I’ll grant you it worked, though I don’t know that Lieutenant Laine’s too happy about sitting tight for a few months growing out the new leg.”

Shepard buried the flinch of guilt, and tapped off the cigarette.  “Cheng had better get her ass in gear.  Bravo Squad left more than ten minutes ago.  If I have to order a hold there’ll be hell to pay.”

Private Cheng emerged breathless from the barracks, slapping together the last pieces of her grenade launcher.  Shepard rolled her eyes.  “If you bothered to oil that thing once in a while, it might not take eons to assemble.”

“Fuck off.”

“I wouldn’t want to encroach on your specialization.”

“At least I’m not some bitch who thinks she’s an officer ‘cause she got some kind of probationary MOS change to N.  They give you little spec ops training wheels with that?”

Shepard regarded her evenly.  “Keep talking, and I’ll show you just how much of an officer I’m not.”

Cheng held her eyes a brief moment, and glanced off.  Shepard drew her rifle.  “This patrol won’t walk itself.  We’re due for rendezvous at Checkpoint Delta by 2100, so let’s move it.”

At approximately 2015, Shepard ordered a halt.  Two months after putting boots on the ground, the navy built a bridge over the river.  Since then, the batarians had blown it up three times.  The bridge was currently in its “intact” phase, and after the beating their main base recently took, Shepard doubted the batarians had the appetite to try again.  But it remained a choke point, albeit one she’d traversed a hundred times, and tonight something about it made her uneasy.

Kozlow’s brow furrowed.  “Shepard, what—”

“Shut up.” She took a few steps forward and raised her gun.  The wrongness was an itch at the back of her neck.  The bridge wasn’t much to look at— a cheap composite span three marines wide, no railing, maybe thirty meters long.  Thick shrubs clustered near the riverbank.  Further back, where they stood, trees rose up, their roots nibbling at the path and the thick march of trunks obscuring line-of-sight.

Cheng hiked her pack up higher on her shoulders and made a sound of exasperation.  “The longer we stand here the more my boots hurt.”

A puddle sat near the edge of the span.  This time of year, the river ran low and sluggish.  She could smell the algae bloom from here.  “Why is the bridge wet?”

Shots exploded out of the bushes on the far bank.  There was a pop as her shields collapsed.  She dove for the trees and plastered her back to a trunk.  A quick scan showed her team likewise positioned, all still standing, returning fire.  Her hand pressed to her ear, activating her comm.  “Alpha squad taking fire by the bridge!  Requesting backup!”

She knew full well this would be over before help arrived.  Shepard snuck a look over her shoulder.  Batarians pounded across the span.  It shook with every step, drumming the water up around their knees.  One slipped.  His comrades leapt over him and kept charging.

She angled her rifle low and let off a stream of shots at knee-height.  There was no aiming, just as many bullets as her weapon could supply, enough to overwhelm their shields and do some damage.  They were outnumbered two-to-one.  “Cheng!”

“Working on it!” The private couldn’t leave cover for even the few seconds it took to set the grenade launcher and light them up.

Another batarian collapsed, a victim of Shepard’s kneecapping.  Her cooling indicator slid towards the red.  She cursed, and switched to targeted shots, quick bursts to avoid overheating and losing the weapon entirely.  A lucky shot to the head took out a third.  Almost at even odds.

Cheng took a breath, swung out of cover, and sunk to one knee to brace herself, bringing the launcher up to her shoulder as she moved.  Even this economy of motion was too slow.  She fell back with a scream, her grenade launching high into the air.

Shepard never saw it explode.  A bag dropped over her head.  She whirled in place, wielding the rifle like a club at anything in range, felt it connect and heard a grunt.  But then other hands had her arms.  Something wet and foul pressed against the bag, over her face.  The fight disappeared, and though she started to fall, she never felt the impact of the ground.

Velvet black. Fuzzy pinpricks of white light. Blink.  Stars.  Sour stench— slime on her face, vomit— and the acrid tang of scorched grass.  Murmuring voices.  Alien. Batarian.  

The urgent realization was a shot of adrenaline.  She blinked again, trying to clear her head, trying to ascertain even a little of what was going on.

She came back to herself flat on her back, in a small clearing she didn’t recognize, with no sense of time at all beyond “later”.  Much later, judging by the darkness.  The bag was gone.  Someone had zip-tied her hands and feet.  Shadows moved in the meager moonlight, none of them paying her any mind at all.  Her translator was useless at these volumes. After eighteen months on this rock, she’d picked up a decent amount Dherak— the Hegemony state language— but not enough to catch much meaning from whispers.  

Somewhere to her left, she heard the low hum of a shuttle.  Her heart’s pounding accelerated.  She wriggled her hands, but found no slack in her bonds.  Shepard could get her feet under her and stand, she was certain of it, but hopping away would never work.  If she could reach her knife…

She rolled onto her side, ignored the nauseous lurch in her stomach, and curled into a ball so her hands could reach her boot.  She could have died of relief when her fingers brushed the haft.  But the position was awkward, trying to grip it with her arms lashed behind her, and she fumbled it into the grass.  Shepard sucked in a breath and wriggled in a circle, searching.

“Stupid bitch,” said a voice from across the clearing, loud enough for her translator to pick up.  Not that she needed it for curses.  Everyone learned those first.

She scrabbled at the ground.  If she could just get her legs free before he reached her—

Her fingers closed around the handle.  She bent backwards, slashing at her bonds, not caring whether she stabbed herself, because that was better than staying here and much better than being packed onto that shuttle.  Footsteps stomping towards her.  The blade stuck in the dirt.  She tried again—

A hand grabbed her wrist, none too gently, and jerked the knife away.  Shepard stared up at him with eyes that could burn holes through steel.  He turned the knife over in his hands.  “Clever. I won’t ask where you hid it.”

She spat at him, but lacked the necessary projection.  It fell on her shoulder.  He chuckled.  “You won’t make a fool of me twice, little girl.  You’ll get what’s coming to you.”

“Moon’s just about set,” said a second batarian.  “We need to move.”

“First things first.”  He shoved her shoulder, hard and without warning, pushing her onto her stomach. Before she could roll any further, his knee crushed into her spine with all his weight behind it.  The air went out of her.  She couldn’t move.

“Fuck you,” she wheezed.

That he ignored. His burly hand gripped the back of her head, holding it still.  “Can’t have your pesky Alliance tracking you.”

She felt cold steel press against her ear and had barely a moment to comprehend what was about to happen before he began to cut.  Her body bucked with all its might, as much a reaction to the searing fire engulfing the right side of her head as a fight for survival.  He grunted his irritation and increased his grip.  “Blame your navy for wiring you with an internal comm.”

Blood spilled down her face, filling her mouth with hot iron.  She made a second, feebler attempt to throw him off.  

This time, he lifted her head by her scalp and slammed it full force into the ground. Her nose splattered.  An odd ringing filled her head, and she found she couldn’t focus her eyes, or string even half a thought together.

“Stop squirming,” he said.

She lay still, too dazed to offer even a curse, as he resumed his work.  At some point she blacked out, and the second time she came around, she was bundled on the floor of the shuttle, staring at batarian legs.

They’d wrapped wire about her, an improvised rope to prevent all but the smallest movements. She took some grudging pride in that. Her ear and nose still hurt terribly, but that had gone on awhile now, and she found she could think past it.  A similar, less urgent pain in her forearm suggested they took her omni-tool as well.  And she was dressed in only her thin undersuit.  Her hardsuit, and its biomonitoring suite that was perhaps her last hope of being quickly located, was nowhere to be seen.

The same batarian spoke a few sentences, to general laughter.  She caught maybe a third of it, her translator gone with the rest— something about a woman, her, and something about not being dead.  

Shepard concentrated on counting her breaths.  Once they got wherever they were going, when they had to move her again, she’d find an opportunity.  She just had to hold together until then.

#ask me anything #nathaly shepard #wip meme #torture tw #whump #ljandersen

[hothian-snow]

Sparagmos: First Draft

To celebrate me reaching 32K with my WIP, here’s a bunch of drabbles which inspired the initial first draft. I might reuse one or two scenes, but not the stuff with Darth Zhorrid. Both Yen and her master has changed a lot through my second revision of the fic too, and so has my writing style. Enjoy!

Darth Kharopos knew damn well that he was intimidating. He must be, lest all the other Darths devour him whole. He was also acutely aware of the effect he had on Yennevyr. It was almost amusing, the sudden change in her posture, her back snapping straight the moment he stepped into the room. Her deference towards him, the soft words and lowered eyes. Was she eager to please, or eager to survive?

From her quick feet and mind, he thought it was the latter. Self-preservation was a necessary trait among the cutthroat Sith, but for his apprentices - his legacy - he wanted more. He thought with her keen eyes and her outsider’s perspective, she’d be able to see the Empire for what it was. To see beyond the rabble, beyond the rat’s race and see what truly mattered. Instead, her eyes were puffy and pink, the next morning they met during saber practice.

Pathetic.

And it wasn’t a one off occasion too. Every time she’d come back from a particularly grueling mission, her mind was elsewhere, her blows lacking the conviction he’d expect from an acolyte worthy of being called his apprentice.

Drawing his attention back to the current practice, he swung a saber at her, the saber deflected mid-swing by a well-placed parry. He stepped aside, and noted how her feet were firmly planted into the ground, readying the body to absorb the weight of a heavy thrust or jab. A defensive stance- again. Must he truly hurt her for her to finally switch to the offense?

The tip of her saber was shaking, her stamina running low.

With the ease of swatting a fly, Darth Kharopos knocked the saber out of her hands. Scowling, he walked away, not pausing to glance back..

*******

Something was different. Clearly, something had changed.

Yet, it was less of a change or a growth and more of a pot bubbling over, the pressure and the heat exploding, the fragile cage of a badly crafted glass teapot cracking, its jagged shards flying into the wall before smashing into sharp little pieces.

Something flared in her eyes and her single red blade came to life, slashing in his direction.

He stepped right and striked left. She jumped back, moving like a spooked jungle-cat, before bouncing back forward with an unexpected speed and thrusted her saber towards his form. He blocked her, catching her blade with the end of his own. Her stance buckled under his strength, and so she slid her saber away but not before suddenly twisting her grips - shifting form, right in the heat of combat, inches away from her enemy - and plunging the blade into where he stood. Darth Kharopos spun his double-bladed saber, creating a quick shield that deflected away Yennevyr’s weapon.

The weapon flew out of her hand.

He felt her clearly. Frustration. Loathing. Wrath.

Their force bond was never this strong, but now he could feel her closer than ever. The way her heart raced, the blood thumping in her ears, her ragged breath and barely held back sobs- it was a dam broken loose, her force presence like a whirlpool throwing the cold serenity of his mind into chaos. Decades of careful restraint and calculating control kept him from drowning in the waves of her emotions.

Yennevyr, with her lithe form and dancer physique, sent a butterfly kick towards his head. Darth Kharopos reeled back. He could’ve blocked her again, that he was more than capable of- but his senses were screaming, alarm bells ringing.

With that distraction - that uncharacteristic distraction, that daring, was so different from the cautious acrobat who used to dance in and out of his range - she summoned her saber back, the hilt smacking into her palm with a loud slap. Fluid like water, she leaped and swung the saber like a guillotine axe above his head. Eyes wide, Darth Kharopos raised his saber up to form a cover, digging his feet into the sand below as the impact hit him. Yennevyr was not relenting.

Her eyes were scarlet. Those amber orbs now glowed red, the color looking like freshly spilt blood against her snow-pale skin. It reminded him of the first time he saw a total lunar eclipse: the moon bled red, as if someone had stabbed its white soil and the wound began gushing glistening ruby.

He let her hit him.

*******

Despair was an emotion Darth Kharopos never experienced, not truly and certainly not personally. Whether that was an indication of mental strength or privilege, he didn’t know.

Lord Atala’s death hit them all hard; the empty space where his mother once stood still felt like a void. Darth Kratais second marriage with Darth Labrys could never fill that gnawing, missing hole, but the woman’s hands were tender and her gaze was warm and when she whispered words of comfort to him, it felt like he had a mother again. Her presence had gentled his father’s severe disposition, and when she brought about his half-sister - Tatyan - into the world, the younger Sith Pureblood felt like a tiny bird fluttering in his palms. She truly was worth protecting.

When his father passed, it felt like a bad dream had come again.

Except this time, mother was grieving and Tatyan was bawling and they all cried together.

“Never show weakness in front of outsiders”, Darth Labrys said. “But here, we’re family.”

Because of family, he’d never known despair.

He was used to inflicting it upon others, though.

Hearing prisoners beg for death, attempting to gouge their eyes out as if the act could wipe away the vision of seeing their loved ones writhing as lightning tore through them, was something he’d grown accustomed to. He saw it coming like a holofilm in slow-motion: the moment where a war veteran’s mind was about to break, their will and determination ready to be shattered into dust at just a single jab. He always made sure their descent into madness was quick- no need to prolong the suffering. Genuine torture was only reserved for the worst of his enemies. It was satisfying, forcing some arrogant Republic general to their knees and making them scream, or exposing some tough Jedi for the weakling they were, like ripping open a bandage to reveal the ugly pus beneath.

How then, had he become so numb to the agony of others, that he missed seeing the same signs in his apprentice?

She was in despair, so upset she wished she’d died.

The circular burns on her arms looked like the ones he was used to inflicting upon Republic foes. It was an easy interrogation technique: stamping a recently deactivated lightsaber onto bare skin, the still-hot metal like a sizzling brand. And when he gazed into her eyes (oh sweet Yennevyr, when was the last time he truly looked at her?), they were dead. Empty glass orbs that had given up on life, if only her heart would just stop beating and give up on her too.

“Do I disappoint you, my lord?”

There was no mockery, no snippy retort in her voice, only pain.

*******

“I’ve always wondered how the law would work out in the long run,” Darth Labrys said, her voice lilting through the holocall. She was referring to the law to bolster Imperial ranks with worthy slaves and aliens, the law which also applied to the Sith. “You can’t expect a slave or a foreigner with no background, no exposure to Sith culture or history to integrate smoothly into Sith society without intervention, much less demand top performances from them.”

Not to mention the consequence of overwhelming power suddenly awakening within someone never taught to wield it, Darth Kharopos thought. The dark side was intoxicating, and one could lose themselves to everything from bloodlust to misery.

“I’m not advising you to go easy on her… but do be understanding, Tyrkos.”

His mother warned that even with the best medicine or therapy available, it would take time, and heavens knew that the Sith journey was already difficult enough, requiring one to fall apart and be reborn from the ashes, to kill who you were for what you could become.

Trust between Sith, especially master and apprentices, was rare. Now, he doubted she’d ever place her faith in him beyond hoping to one day take his place.

*******

Is this how I die? Darth Kharopos thought.

Every breath felt like hot knives stabbing his lungs. The rebreather was dying on him, for he could taste soot in his mouth. Collapsed against the cool floor of his hideout, back leaning against a bloodied wall, his apprentice loomed over him. How embarrassing, for his apprentice to see him so helpless.

“What’s the meaning of this?” she cried out. “Master!”

He thought he’d take that secret to the grave, to ensure that the fallout was minimal. Sith Pureblood, heir to the Rosokor family, involved in a light-side conspiracy. Should he be exposed, the Dark Council would have his mother’s and sister’s heads.

He pleaded for her to understand.

And if she didn’t, he wouldn’t blame her.

Her left hand clutched his holocommunicator where the damning evidence of his treachery laid, and in her right hand was the scarlet lightsaber, poised for execution. In the months under his tutelage, she’d grown into a stunningly beautiful Sith assassin indeed.

He closed his eyes.

“Tell me how to help.”

In shock, his eyes snapped open.

Her eyebrows were scrunched up but whether in anxiety or concern, he could not tell. There was a flush in her cheeks, and wildness in her eyes. Against his every expectation, Yennevyr chose mercy. She chose a chance at the Light. She chose him.

Master, did you not choose me, on Korriban? You saw something in me. I see something in you, too.

*******

Yennevyr hated mopping up blood. She had watched her late father’s maids do it all the time, his underlings scrubbing a crime scene clean. She later played the role of the domestic servant, doing the same back when she was enslaved under the Hutts, whether it be with spilled drinks or bloodstains from a brawl. She wasn’t afraid of blood- the coppery stench just smelled revolting.

Her master bled liters, the liquid forming sticky pools beneath his broken body. Sealing the wound wasn’t too difficult once she found the medkit, although her clumsy handiwork would definitely leave a scar. What was even more concerning was her master’s breathing, the fact that it sounded agonizingly labored and worryingly irregular.

With effort, they managed to haul their way to the hideout’s medical wing before he slipped into unconsciousness.

When his armor was stripped away and it was only his form in plain robes on the simple bed, her master looked more exhausted than she’d ever seen him. Heavy fatigue was written all over his sleeping face. It reminded her of those times she woke up especially early to see the Kaasian sunrise, the soft orange peaking through grey, stormy clouds. Some days, she deduced how master had been running some secret errands the night before, and she’d spot him limping home, his feet dragging, with an uncharacteristic slouch burdening his usually proud posture. Logically, she knew her master was no more or less a person than her, but to glimpse him tired and worn out had shocked her.

She spent the night by his side, the implications of her actions becoming clearer with each passing moment.

To reform the Sith society from inside out, she thought. A lofty dream. When did I become such a cynic?

With curious eyes, she glanced at her master’s resting form, the sound of his still ragged breathing filling the room. She wouldn’t even need a lightsaber; all she had to do was wrap her hands around his neck, and squeeze. She wondered if suffocation felt like sleep.

Oh, will I ever see you this vulnerable again?

Instead, she gingerly placed a palm on top of his limp hand, entangling her fingers with his. His hand was warm.

*******

After the suspicious death of Darth Jadus, Darth Zhorrid - in her sick ways - sought to consolidate her position as a Dark Lord of the Sith.

As if the Council would stand her, Yen scoffed. After they’ve sucked her dry of whatever knowledge Jadus may have passed down to his daughter, she’s dead.

It was no secret that her master disagreed with many of the actions taken by Darth Jadus, but he’d always respected the chain of command, bowing whenever the Dark Councillor requested his presence, amicable before his superiors. This time, however, Darth Zhorrid asked for her master and would not expect anything less than absolute submission.

“Wait outside, Yennevyr. Do not interfere no matter what happens.”

Many may claim force cloaking to be an act of defense, like the Jedi Shadows who’d rather sneak past their foes than needlessly spill blood. Perhaps she truly was like that, in the past. Eager to run, to dart in and out unseen. Conflict-avoidant.

But a cloak was also a tool, like a viper’s green scales that blended into the grass, obscuring fangs and venom. To take it a step further: force cloaking was manipulation. It was to force upon someone a false visage, to bend the mind of onlookers to the point of them rejecting the evidence of their own eyes, denying the existence of a sword pointed at their head. On Korriban, Yen had figured out how to twist her force cloak, inverting it so that her opponents’ visions were plunged into darkness and the world became invisible to them.

It only took hearing her master scream for the first time for her cloak to become a dress.

The scent of ozone reeked through the semi-closed office door. By god, no matter how many times in the past she’d angrily fumed - fantasizing of sweet it would be to give her master a taste of his own medicine - actually hearing her master who had just barely recovered from his previous ordeal now screaming under the powers of some bratty Darth who probably did not even deserve that title...

Yen’s hands curled into a fist, and she was surprised by the anxious lump that formed in her throat. She took in a sharp inhale and when she breathed out, the Force coiled around her like serpentine tendrils, slick and cool. Shadows rested around her shoulder blades like a fashionista’s scarf.

Or for her enemies, a noose.

When her master stumbled out of Darth Zhorrid’s office, a hand clutching at his side, she took the opportunity to peer into the slit of the half-opened office door and caught the Dark Councillor’s sadistic gaze. Yen gave a smile.

*******

Yen had always been good at force cloaking. But this time, instead of projecting the lie of invisibility, she’d chosen an illusion- a glamour, a mirage. To project something false into the world required unwavering will and mastery over that image.

Her mask was fueled by hatred.

Never had she thought she’d one day hate anyone more that she hated the Hutts or herself, until she met Darth Zhorrid. That pathetic mix of insecurity and sadism was infuriating. She had read up on Darth Jadus’ treatment of his daughter. It took everything for her not to barge into that office and wring that sick woman by the neck and ask her if she thought she was the only one who had ever faced abuse. Everyone faced pain at some point in their life. Suffering was the story of all beings, especially so if you were Sith. Yet, when she hated herself, Yen only hurt herself. Unlike Zhorrid, she’d never tortured others as a way to lessen her own pain, to hide her weakness.

And for that, Yen wished Zhorrid was dead.

But not before providing use for her and her master, of course.

Wearing the Force - the fabric of the universe - as if it was a garment, was an act of complete domination. With a smile, she had sparked a flame of interest within Zhorrid. With a light touch of her fingers, she’d quicken or calm the Dark Lord’s pulse, the woman’s heartbeat hers to command at her pleasure. In a blink of an eye, Zhorrid would forgive her master for any misdeeds he’d supposedly done, and most importantly, Zhorrid would leave him alone.

Why pay attention to some grumpy old Sith when the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen was standing there in front of her eyes?

A drugged cupcake ready to be eaten.

Darth Kharopos felt his stomach sinking when he received the holocall requesting that Yennevyr go meet Darth Zhorrid in her chambers. His muscles tightened, as if readying for battle. He wasn’t scared of that snooty brat; anything she threw his way he could take. But Yen, his student, his ward, his protege, his apprentice-

She was smiling.

The Force swirled around her, draped all over her form like a dress blowing in the wind. It was as if she wore a robe of woven flesh, of slithering serpents and tendrils that wrap and cling and coil. There was a gleam in Yen’s eyes, her russet eyes mirthful, radiating confidence. The last time he remembered seeing his apprentice so self-assured was when he was bleeding on the cool tiled floors, her red lightsaber hanging over his head like a bloody guillotine.

“My lord, I am every bit your apprentice. Trust that you’ve taught me well.”

When Darth Kharopos was later summoned to Darth Zhorrid’s office, Yennevyr sat on Zhorrid’s lap like an overpriced poodle. What Zhorrid did not see was the undulating threads latching onto her, their ends sinking into Zhorrid’s skin like a snake’s fangs, or parasites whose teeth pierced her bloodstream, draining her dry.

“Ah, you’re here, Darth Kharopos,” Zhorrid said with a grin. “Very good, you look very nice indeed, perfect for the job.”

Darth Kharopos only nodded, his eyes glued to Zhorrid’s pale hand which stroked Yen’s hair as if she was some exotic pet.

“I need you to look into two places: Belsavis, and the Arcanum.”

Belsavis was a tightly guarded secret he was privy to knowing, but his heart skipped a beat when he heard the name ‘Arcanum’. The Emperor’s property. Jedis have died to get a glimpse of the space station, and there were words of a rogue Dread Master recently robbing the place. Was it even under Intelligence’s jurisdiction?

A squeal snapped him from his thoughts.

“So you do know about the Arcanum!”

Her voice went from a slimy purr to an abrupt shriek. He felt a hard shove and invisible cold fists pinning him to the wall. His legs hung in the air, and he glared at that wretched woman.

“My lord,” Yennevyr murmured, her doe-like eyes widening at Darth Zhorrid. “My master’s a Darth of Imperial Intelligence. Is it not his role to know all that is going on?”

The pressure released and soon he was free. Zhorrid made a noise of agreement, muttering ‘Yes, yes… you’re right, of course.”

Zhorrid began ranting, a semi-coherent monologue punctuated with giggles and sudden screeches on the unfairness of her fate and the need to prove her worth to the Dark Council. Before her anger boiled over, a force tendril planted soft kisses on Zhorrid’s lips, quieting the woman’s anxiety in one swift move.

When the Dark Councillor appeared distracted, Darth Kharopos broke eye contact and glanced at his apprentice. He suppressed a shudder, seeing the predatory glint in Yennevyr’s eyes. Everyday, they grew more scarlet.

You will drink my words, or I will pour them down your throat.

*******

Belsavis he took care of alone, but as per Darth Zhorrid’s orders, he allowed Yennevyr to accompany him on the mission to the Arcanum. It was perfect: with every eye glued to the young rising-star commander, a Sith not-yet-a-lord with the bewitching presence of a black hole, nobody noticed him slipping away, leaking whatever information he could find on the Emperor to Republic SIS. His heart thundered the whole way, but every time he looked at Yennevyr - black hair tied up in a bun, a saber and light armor ready for combat - he felt like he could breathe easy again.

The mission was a success. They tracked the thief, Lord Tagriss, down to Ilum. His dualsaber stabbed a hole in the Sith Lord’s chest, and he felt his apprentice’s pride flared through their bond the moment Lord Tagriss’ dead husk fell into the snow.

When they returned home, she was ready to be a Lord.

“From this day onwards, you are known as Lord Soteira,” he declared, his apprentice kneeling before him. “It means savior.”

His apprentice stood up. When she looked at him, something swirled in his chest.

You honed my blade and sharpened my edges until they are lethal. You scrubbed away the rust, and revealed the blood-soaked truth. Master, don’t feel guilty thinking you turned me into something I already wasn’t. I’ll try to reach for the Light as you want me to, my lord, but don’t pity me if I fail.

#fic: sparagmos

[thunder-tornado]

Wild Woman’s story, part 1: mega man 2, super adventure rockman/blackout, mega man 3

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY SELF INSERT AND THERE IS SELF INSERT x CANON SHIPPING HERE

THESE ARE BASED ON THE ARCHIE COMICS (I GO BY GAME ORDER AFTER COMICS END)

ALSO THESE POSTS ARE GONNA BE REALLY LONG

Mega Man 2: Wild is activated some time before the events of this game. One day while on the job, she meets Crash Man, and the first meeting is a bit...awkward (as in Crash threatened to blow her up at first). After this though, they keep meeting up, and they become close friends. Despite this, Crash never actually tells Wild that he’s a Wilybot, in fear that it would scare her off.

At the start of the arc, Wild is in Light Labs with the others when Quick Man attacks the lab. She goes with Rock to assist him in the fighting, but also because Quick Man pissed her off.

Everything goes...well...as smoothly as it can until they reach Heat Man’s stage, where Wild panics and dips due to the large amount of fire and hot things. Because of this, she doesn’t hear Heat mention Crash, and she can’t ask Rock about who’s next because he isn’t exactly being cooperative, due to his virus.

Wild falls slightly behind, so by the time she reaches the last part of the stage, Rock and Crash are already about to start fighting. After a brief moment of stunned disbelief because “Wait, you KNOW her?!”, Rock tries to fight Crash anyway while Wild tries to stop them. Crash secretly feels really bad about throwing Wild for a loop like this, but he doesn’t show it, not during the fight.

By the end, Crash just sorta forgets that Wild is there and shoots his bombs all over the place in a blind rage. He turns around and sees Wild, who looks scared of all the bombs, and realizes he’s made a huge mistake. Then he gets an idea; he runs over and tries to shield Wild from the explosion with his own body, since he’s much more resistant to that sort of stuff.

When the dust clears, Wild realizes what Crash did and frantically tries to drag him out of the rubble. They’re having a conversation while she’s doing this and Wild tells him that she doesn’t even care that he’s a Wilybot at all, he’s still her best friend!! Before she can free him, though, Rock drags Wild away and proceeds to blow up the whole compound...while Crash is still in there. Needless to say, Wild isn’t happy with Rock right now and she snaps at him before requesting to be teleported back for repairs, she couldn’t deal with this anymore.

After everything is over she gives an explanation to the Light family about what happened.

Interlude: Wild isn’t really involved with the Emerald Spears, since she wasn’t at the convention thing. She just kinda tries to vibe and cope with what happened in MM2. She’s also in issue 19, where she meets Splash Woman, and Wild immediately thinks she’s the best thing in the world. She also meets the 3rd liners at some point on work duty, though it was kind of an accident (she was trying to eavesdrop on them and fell out of the tree she was in right in front of them. Whoops.)

Also, Worlds Collide is canon. Remember Spectra? Yeah, her and Wild team up.

Ra Moon arc: Wild is at Rock’s birthday party when everything goes south, and is woken up again around the same time as the others. (When she woke up and learned that every robot in the world had been hit, she immediately starts asking about Splash and all but demanding that she get the coating). She’s sent along with Rock and the gang, since she works very well in rainforest/jungle environments. When they first meet one of the groups of 2nd liners, Wild realizes that something’s up, and she tried to ask where Crash was. When Metal refused to give her an answer, she insulted him to his face. Yeah, they definitely got off on the wrong foot.

Later on, when she actually does see Crash, the whole fight pretty much stops because him and Wild are overjoyed to see each other again, momentarily forgetting that there are other robots watching. (Cut Man says something like “Welp, looks like the cat’s out of the bag now”. Cheeky little shit). The other 2nd liners are a bit taken aback, but surprisingly accepting.

When Shadow Man and Quick Man pop out and have their fight, Wild says something like “Wow, never thought I’d be glad to see you again”. Thus, their rivalry continues.

(Some fluffy stuff happens during that scene where they’re all hiding in the temple at night but unfortunately I am too embarrassed to type it out publicly as of right now.)

Also, at some point, she completely goes off on Ra Moon and Dr. Wily, which takes everyone off guard. It’s practically just a long string of censor bleeps.

She helps Rock kick Ra Moon’s ass, world is saved, yada yada yada.

Between Ra Moon arc and MM3, Wild gets to know the 2nd and 3rd lines much better. They’re all just one big dumb chaotic friend group and everyone is having a great time. :]

Mega Man 3: Wild is incredibly suspicious of Wily from the start. Even if many other people trust him, she still thinks something’s up, and she’s glad to learn that Roll is also suspicious of him. She stays in the lab, not wanting to go out with Rock this time, since she befriended the 3rd line. She tries to keep in contact with them whenever she can, but it’s not always successful.

Wild sneaks off to monitor Dr. Wily after Auto goes missing, and catches him in the act of ripping out Auto’s memory boards. She runs to get Roll, who tells Dr. Light while Wild goes back down to where Wily is and tells him off big time (and when Blues comes in she starts telling him off too). You know the song “Backstabber” by Ke$ha? That basically summarizes this scene. Wily gets tired of it and orders Blues to do something about her, so Blues shoots her and knocks her out. When the DOC Robot is first activated, none of them actually see Wild, so they don’t know she’s there. She wakes up in time to make it down to the hangar before the lab explodes.

After venting her frustration with Dr. Light, Wild goes with Rock again to the Wily Castle. She shows up right after his fight with Break Man, so she misses all that. She helps Rock fight up until she sees the DOC Robot and figures out what’s going on, and Wild soon interrupts the fight because of what she sees. She’s able to talk them all down and deactivate them peacefully, and needless to say she never forgives Wily for that little stunt. After Gamma is defeated and Wily is presumed dead, she makes it clear that she isn’t gonna miss him at all.

Wild is over the moon about the idea of being able to live peacefully with the 2nd and 3rd liners without the looming threat of their creator. This doesn’t happen, though, since half of them (including the ones she was closest too; Quick, Crash, Gemini, ETC) choose to be deactivated. Wild is devastated, to say the least. She cries for quite a while before getting into a vicious argument with Dr. Light and running out of the labs. Their relationship is rather tense for a while after that.

Part 2

#self insert #self shipping #self ship #wild woman #doc robot tw #death tw #just to be safe #long post

[thegoldenavenger]

While i work out the logistics of the naruto au, i offer this. Sorry if you dont know kimetsu no yaiba, I did my best. 3000 ish words. Mobile beware of cut. Unbetad we die like mne.

Content Warning for violence, gore, blood, at the beginning. If youve seen/read demon slayer then canon typical, if youre a marvel only fan then it’s more like iron man 1 or winter soldier levels of violence vs the bloodless avengers films.

Tony Stark wants to be a Demon Slayer. But, born into the Sword Smith Village's head family, he was supposed to craft the finest nichirin demon slaying swords there were, and while Tony likes sword smithing he chafes under his father's strict parenting.

He admires the demon slayers he makes swords for and, quietly, teaches himself the Way of Iron, hoping if he excels his father will let him join the Demon Slayer corp. Unfortunately, his father is not amenable to this, and the two fight until Tony runs off in a huff.

When he makes his way back to the hidden village, he smells blood. In the time he was away a demon had found the sword smith's village. He pulls his sword and joins the fight, trying to evacuate those he can while making his way deeper into the village.

It gets quiet the closer to his home he gets, and the door stands wrenched out of its frame. He can hear his heart beat as he crosses the threshold.

The first thing he notices are the carefully sculpted masks usually displayed on the walls are littering the floor carelessly.

The second thing he notices is the thick trail of blood. His eyes unwillingly trace the blood to the crumpled figures of his mother and father, demon slaying swords shattered on the ground. Standing over them is a demon, the moonlight glinting on the number 5 in his right iris.

Tony's grip on his sword tightens and his inhales, too sharp to be disciplined. It sends a pain through his chest but he sets back into the first form of the Breath of Iron naturally. The demon smiles and Tony throws himself forward, his left foot leading as he pushes as much force as he can into the piercing jab.

The demon's eyes betray a hint of surprise, it could never have encountered a style like this before. Iron Breathing First Form: Piercing Ray is a thrusting move and demons are more used to the graceful arcs of slashing forms designed to take a demon's head off.

Tony's sword hits the demon's collarbone and he can feel it slide home. Blood slicks down the blade and Tony imagines he can feel a heart beat through it. He flexes his wrists but the sword doesn't twitch. The demon scoffs, low and ugly, "You missed."

"Not quite," Tony says, flicking the little hammer in the hilt of his sword. It causes a spark, and Tony is quick to abandon his sword for a few feet of distance as the spark ignites the black powder in the sword's hilt.

The demon grabs the smoking sword, then, through a sharp boom, screeches as the gunpowder propelled blade rips it's way the demon's toughened flesh.

Tony squints after the flash of bright light, the demon's body torn in half and crumpling. Tony has a moment to think: he wasn't much for a twelve moon demon. And then he's kneeling next to his parents, hands flickering over their bodies. He hadn't noticed, but his mother is still breathing, gasping under wounds. He presses his hands to her, trying to stop further blood loss but her skin is already ice cold.

He feels tears well up in his eyes, he's so stricken. He'd talked to her this morning. She chokes on something, but Tony keeps shaking his head. No, don't speak, stay quiet until the clean up crew arrives. There's no way the Demon Slayers aren't here already, there's no way they wouldn't send a doctor to the sword smith's head family.

His mother will be okay.

"Tony, oh, please--" she gurgles as he tries to shush her. Her speech is indecipherable. Through his pleas and the blood in her lungs he can barely make out syllables, but he thinks he hears shield, fury, heart. He shakes his head.

His mother makes a mournful, bleating noise and her eyes widen in fear and it's the last thing he hears from her as a high pitched, shrill siren pierces his ears. He'd wince but he's frozen, and then his chest feels open and cold and hollow.

He can't look down, but he knows there's claws in him. Through him. Whatever.

Behind him the demon laughs, affably, like someone seeing the punchline of a well set up joke. "You should've made sure I was finished. What a shame the Starks end here, I really was hoping one of you would show some promise. But really what can one expect of such worthless beings. Too much trouble in the end."

Tony's vision starts to blank. It's not that black creeps into his peripherals, it's simply that he stops being able to comprehend pieces of vision. Like a blind spot slowly encroaching on his whole field of perception, there is just nothing there.

The shrilling noise quiets and Tony's body reflexively fights for breath. It burns and freezes all at once. He can hear a whistling noise.

Then, footsteps thundering on the floor, he can hear because he's lying down now, somehow. He can hear the singing sound of nichirin steel drawn against sheath, and shouting. The demon slayers are here.

A shape hunches over him, as his vision narrows. Maybe it's the demon, or a doctor. No, he thinks, if it was a doctor it would be reaching for his mother.

He ceases to be able to see, but he hears the shape anyway.

"Breathe. You are not finished, today."

Tony wakes up at the Wysteria Estate, in what looks like a hospital. Dr. Yinsen is by his side.

He explains: you parents are dead, your home destroyed, the demon that attacked you escaped.

He says: The demon used a Blood Art on you, you're lucky to be alive.

He says: the damage was extensive and your insides are scarred irreparably.

Tony yells at him.

"She was alive! Why didn't you help her, you could've helped her!"

Dr. Yinsen's eyes are sad, but his voice is not gentle when he says, "You and the demon were the only living things in that room."

After Tony is done shouting and screaming and then coughing because something in his chest feels like breaking, the doctor sets him back against some pillows. He pulls at the bandages on Tony's chest, and Tony lies there, unresistant.

"Do you understand what I mean when I say the damage was extensive?" He asks as he unwinds the bandages. They stick to Tony's skin, but Tony doesn't flinch.

"I mean, your lung's capacity is down by 12%. The scarring in your chest means you cannot breathe well, if at all."

At this Tony blinks. He's breathing right now, isn't he?

"No, no, young man. Any sword techniques you know that are supported by Breaths. It would cause too much strain on your body. You'd be cough up blood before you could breathe your first kata."

"That's--" Tony starts, then starts coughing. The doctor tips Tony's head back and rubs a cool ointment over the scars on his chest.

"Your heart is in a similar condition. Any activity too strenuous will cause it to fail. At best you'll get light headed and wheezy, at worst you'll tear something inside, you're heart will stop and you'll die."

Tony narrows his eyes at the doctor. "Then what can I do?"

"Heal, for now."

"Will I be able to slay demons, again?"

"It's not likely."

"Then why did you save me!" Tony lashes out again, hissing in grief. "If there's nothing I can do but sit here, and try not to breathe too deeply!"

Dr. Yinsen lets Tony have his moment, before firmly grabbing his shoulder. Tony automatically turns his head to look him in the eye. The hand on Tony's chest feels warm now, almost hot.

"You shouldn't have lived through that attack." Dr. Yinsen says. "I shouldn't have been able to stabilize you. You shouldn't have woken. Yet, here you are anyway.

"Stark, who am I to tell you what can happen in the face of that defiance. You are the one who made it here to today. You are the one who will determine where you will be tomorrow."

His village, though beaten, lives on. Evacuated to a safer area, Tony has heard his kin have started to rebuild. He has not returned.

The Wysteria Estate has acknowledged him, and after he healed enough, allowed him to join the ranks of novice Demon Slayers. Nicolas Fury, a retired Pillar of the Demon Slayers, vouches for him even when Tony struggled to maintain a grip on his sword.

Speaking of his sword, it's a poor excuse for a weapon. Nichirin steel it may be, it's nothing like the blades Tony made. Use to make. He uses it reluctantly, as Fury bullies him into training.

Tony's lungs ache whenever he wakes, like they forget how to breathe during his sleep and they're stretching anew. Sometimes he is so cursedly aware of his own heart, each pulsing beat it like a vice squeezing him tighter and tighter.

He forges on.

Fury is the retired Mist Pillar of the Demon Slayers, and thus, Tony starts to learn the forms of the Breath of Mist. He doesn't take to it well. Even after strengthening his lungs to the point where he can Breathe again, even just a little, most of the Mist Breathing forms eludes his mastery.

He's never been one to fade into the background.

But the training isn't for nothing. Even if he is limited, he can use Breathing techniques again, and his heart doesn't feel like exploding quite so early in exercises. He starts training with his own Iron Style again, wondering if he could add a third form inspired by the Breath of Mist Sixth Form: Moonlit Mist.

Deemed healthy enough, he meets other Demon Slayers. Because Fury is nominally his mentor, he is introduced to the current Pillars as well.

He gets on particularly well with the Rock and Flame Pillars: James Rhodes and Pepper Potts respectively, both of which whole heartedly teach him their techniques.

Tony loves the solid forms of the Breath of Rock, especially the third form: Stone Skin, though he is much better suited towards the nine forms of the Breath of Flames style. Pepper is an efficient teacher.

Natasha Romanoff, the current Mist Pillar is more stand offish, but when she does speak it is with a tongue sharp with wit.

Thor is the Pillar of Thunder, but he also Mastered the Breath of Wind style. Watching him fight, even just to spar, is thrilling.

Clint Barton is the Flower Pillar. He seems like the quiet type, but only because he speaks through his hands. Once Tony picks up the language he is consistently delighted by Clint's keen observation and even keener sense of humor. He's unique among the Pillars for his preferred choice of weapon: a bow.

Bruce Banner insists he is not a pillar. He says he's barely a demon slayer. He studies pharmaceuticals, he's working on something to help curb demon blood lust, he's a gentle soul. He doesn't have the strength to lop off a demon's head anyways, he says, he practices Insect Breathing only as a last resort, he says.

An ill-mannered low rank rookie makes the mistake of using a squirrel for target practice and the twisting, barreling movement Tony sees Bruce slip into before Thor sweeps him off his feet do not look like the gentle piercing forms of the Breath of Insects.

Janet van Dyne, the Insect Pillar, pulls Tony into a hug and thanks him for her custom sword request. He grins because her designs for The Stingers were brilliant when he had first seen them and brilliant now, watching her dart around with them, slickly coated in Wysteria Poison.

T'challa, the Panther Pillar, carries himself with a regality Tony half falls in love with. His Breathing style is self made and his successor, Shuri, is the only other who knows it.

Sam Wilson is the Wind Pillar, he's gentle but firm, yet Tony knows he and Clint and Natasha goof off when no one is looking. He doesn't have proof, but he'd bet on it.

Finally there's Peter Parker; younger then them all he's the newest, most eager Water Pillar Tony is sure there ever was. He's bright eyed and takes a liking to Tony pretty quickly.

There's an empty Pillar, Tony realizes. There should be twelve, to reflect the twelve moons of the demons, yet even including Bruce in the count there are only ten.

Tony is idly curious about this, but he lets it sit in the back of his mind as he pesters the pillars to help train him. He worms his way under their skin, whether it's Rhodey and Pepper always grabbing him for lunch, or Natasha flyting with him in their spare time.

It takes him wholly by surprise when they tell him he's being nominated to the eleventh pillar position.

He can't in good conscious say yes. He can barely Breathe properly. A good knock to the chest might take him out. He isn't a master of any style. There are too many reasons to shake his head, and it takes Rhodey and Pepper both before he even listens to the offer.

"You're worried you're not good enough," Pepper says.

"Of course I am,"

"Take a breath," Rhodey instructs.

"I am breathing! If I breathe anymore I'll tear a lung!"

"Have you tried?" Pepper asks.

"Have you even noticed?" Rhodey asks.

Tony blinks, caught off guard. He's not sure what they mean, but he focuses anyways. On the breath in his lungs, the taught feeling of them expanded. The way the air flows through him.

"You've been Breathing this whole time." Pepper sounds smug.

"And you're fine training on top of that." Rhodey says.

Tony takes a second to blink up at them, for the first time in a long time confused.

"I keep forgetting you weren't trained properly," Pepper says, "You pick up on things so fast. Full Focus Breathing is the very fundamental basis of Breathing Styles, but it's difficult to master. It's a full concentration breath, and Pillars are as strong as we are because we use this technique for every breath we take."

"It's what helps us be on par with upper level demons. You must have picked up on us doing it and copied it without instruction."

"That sounds... plausible."

"It's more than plausible. Listen, you've gotten training from all of us Pillars already. Fury is in your corner! It doesn't really matter if you say yes or no, you're pretty much our acting eleventh pillar anyways." Pepper assures him.

It takes Tony some time for this to sink in, but his friends are right. Dr. Yinsen was right. He shouldn't have been able to get this far but here he was. He was in a place where he could help people again, he'd be a fool to run away now.

He found that low level demons were nothing to him, any longer. He developed his own Breathing Style, quietly taking the information his friends taught him, and applying them in the field with his own twists.

He learns that the scars in his chest can still give him trouble, if he's too hard on himself, but he stops worrying about it. Everyone dies at some point. As long as his body holds together long enough to help people that's good enough for him.

Traces of the Demon King, the father of all Demons, had been sighted in the middle of some patch of nowhere. Though Tony has never seen the Demon King he knows him well enough.

His blood is what creates new demons, he is who founded the Twelve Moons, the high ranking demons that often cause the Demon Slayers trouble. The demon that killed Tony's parents was a Demon Moon.

No one is expecting Tony to run into the Demon King, just clean up any messes and find as much information as he can. That's all he's expecting out of this. But as he steps through the snowy night he hears heavy snarling.

As he draws closer he can smell blood and hear panicked words.

He draws his sword and approaches.

There's a demon attacking a human in the woods and Tony leaps forward.

He follows the ninth form of flame breathing, using it's speed and force to bulldoze into the demon, dragging it away from its prey. There is no blood in the snow, it hadn't gotten a chance to feast yet.

He changes his grip on his sword, to the second form of Flame Breathing. Enough strength to decapitate this demon without losing hold of its struggling form.

He's stopped by a desperate shout.

"Stop! What are you doing?!"

He looks at the human.

"This demon was attacking you." Tony says, as the blond man pushes himself up out of the snow.

"He's not a demon! He's my friend!"

A string of sympathy pulls through him. Still, Tony must do his job. He looks at the snarling creature in his grip. "He's not your friend anymore, look at him." He shakes his wrist and demon jerks at him his blue eyes piercing.

"Stop, please, I know him! He's just scared. He wouldn't hurt me."

"Listen, I know it's rough but you don't know him any more. He is a demon. Demons eat people. It's not complicated."

The man scrunches his face up, and Tony is worried he's going to cry before something is flying straight at him.

He dodges on automatic, frowns when he sees it was just a book, then hisses in alarm as the man runs straight for the demon.

Tony lunges into the sixth form of Rock Breathing, Arcs of Justice, as the human sprints forward. He is ready to throw his sword in desperate hope to pin the demon before it can attack the stupid guy throwing himself at it, when something altogether strange happens.

The demon stands as the man reaches him, lunging forward. But instead of tearing into soft human flesh the demon spins the man around and behind the demon.

Drool slips down the demon's chin. Tony didn't notice it before but the demon's left arm is missing and the tax on it's healing must be doubling or tripling its newborn hunger.

Yet it's still protecting the stupid guy instead of taking a chunk out of him.

He keeps his sword drawn, because he's not dumb, but he lowers it.

"Bucky, stop!" The man hisses, gripping onto the demon's sleeve.

"What's your name?" Tony asks.

"Steve. Steve Rogers. And this is my best friend, Bucky. He hasn't killed anyone, he might-- he might be a demon but he's still good! He, this happened because he was trying to protect us from the real demon that attacked our family!"

Tony's grip on his sword shifted.

He's never encountered a demon who didn't relish at eating humans at the very least. Tony's experience with them started with one standing over his dead parents and didn't improve from there.

But all demons were humans, once, and even Tony had gotten a second chance. He sheathed his sword.

"You cannot let him eat a human." He says.

"Of course he wouldn't!" Steve says, disgusted.

"Shut up. You can't let him eat a human, and if you want him around for any length of time make sure he doesn't get exposed to sunlight."

Steve's furious expression shifts into confusion, then wonder.

"What do you want Steve?"

"I--I want Bucky to be okay. I want the demon who did this to not be able to do it anymore."

"You don't want revenge?"

"I don't like bullies."

Tony huffs a small laugh. He thinks about Nicolas Fury, who had moved out of the Wysteria Estate to a mountain nearby. He thinks about Bruce's research and his mother's last words, and examines the way the demon... Bucky. How Bucky is still anchored, inexorably, in front of Steve's body.

"I'll take you to someone who can help you." Tony says.

The growling from Bucky has died down, now that the threat has passed. Steve's blue eyes bore into Tony as sharply as any knife.

"Thank you," Steve finally says.

Tony laughs. "Sure," he says, "You might be taking that back when you meet him."

Tony wonders if maybe seeing this, seeing a demon who chose not to give in, seeing a human save his friend, if this was why he was still alive. If, maybe Tony couldn’t save his family but he can help someone else save theirs.

He walks past Bucky and Steve, away from the upturned snow of their aborted battle. As he passes he notes the surety of Steve's grip on Bucky and something in him hems and haws.

Tony thinks, instead of a sword, he'll try making a shield.

Read Everything | Read Chapter 2

#kamaeteWRITES #tony stark #bucky barns #steve rogers #mostly tony tho lets be real #demon slayer au

[roaminginspiration]

The Empty Space Next to Me

Buckle up, guys.

chap 1 (x)  / chap 2 (x) /  chap 3 (x) / chap 4 (x) / chap 5 (x) / chap 7 (x) / chap 8 (x) / chap 9 (x) / chap 10 (x)

Chapter 6

Another week has gone by and the guesthouse welcomed three European youngsters who, reunited after the Second Snap, decided to enjoy life to the fullest and hitchhike across the country, westward. They only stayed for 2 nights to explore the area before going on to resume the “biggest adventure of their life” right after breakfast.

The regular viewing of YouTube tutorials and other videos have begun to pay off. He has officially finished replacing the porch railings and has hung the new swing to the ceiling.

He is now giving the wooden flooring a makeover, room after room.

But the mansion is not the only thing that has been getting a glow up. His relationship with Katherine has improved quite significantly and it seems their bumpy start is forgotten, and remote memory. Katherine likes banters — unsurprisingly— and, like riding a bike, it comes back effortlessly to him.

He has an early night as Katherine went on a date just before dessert. He has a video call with Bucky and Sam for a light report of the situation in the compound — pretty quiet, so far. Just a few incidents that only required the intervention of a few members at a time. They always end up asking about Natasha and his new lifestyle. He answers it’s going well. He has already introduced Riley to them. Sam snorts and says he might grow fond of Louisiana; Bucky’s grin is barely perceptible, however.

By 11 pm he eventually sends Riley out of the room and turns off the light, before drifting off to sleep. He is woken up by muffled sounds from the lower floor. His old reflexes make him immediately alert. He glances over at the clock: almost 1 am.

He gets on his feet, cracks the door open and peers through. Down the dark hallway, he sees Katherine’s silhouette emerge up the stairway. She is giddy and upbeat, her arm stretched up behind her. She twirls around and pulls someone — Jake is climbing up the last steps. He leans in to kiss her and she giggles against his lips. Steve feels his chest tighten.

Jake is about to say something but she presses her finger against his mouth and chuckles quietly. She bends over and takes off her heels to avoid making any noises while Jake wraps his arms around her waist and begins to plant a trail of heated kisses under her lobe, then down her neck. She slightly arches her back against his body, letting out a silent moan. His heart is pounding so loud inside his chest it begins to hurt while watching the scene. She tiptoes to her bedroom door and opens it, Jake clung to her like a leech that needs to be squished. His hands come down to her waist and flip around, pinning her tight against him. Katherine smiles, allowing him to deepen the kiss.

Steve closes his door before he can see them disappear inside her bedroom. His hand remained long clenched around the knob.

It has been several minutes now. Steve is sitting sullenly on the parquet, leaning against his bedframe, his back crouched over. Music is playing loudly through his headphones but he is not listening. After hearing the first few masculine moans, it took away any chance he had to find sleep again; so he grabbed his headphones and quickly put them on his ear to block any parasite sound out. To block the painful reality. His elbows are propped against his bent knees, hands clasped tightly together while he is looking down at the rug under him. But although his ears can only pick up the music, he can hear them. And along with it, a torrent of painful thoughts come bursting through, clouding his mind, haunting him.

After a few minutes of a relentless mental battle, he gets up and leaves the room, rushing outside for a clear environment. The front yard is plunged in the light of the full moon hanging in the cloudless sky.

The air becomes more breathable, the atmosphere less heavy. He slumps into the porch swing and stares into space. It is silent all around, the scenery anxious to quiet down the emotional turmoil inside him.

An hour goes by and his distress has made way for morose acceptance. Deep in thought, he doesn’t hear the main door swing open. To his surprise, he sees Katherine come on the porch, dressed in nothing but a thin cotton robe, hair down, holding a mug filled with hot liquid. She turns and is surprised to find him there. She glances down at herself, suddenly aware of her flimsy attire. Her hand goes up to her chest and she gently pulls the rims of her robe closer together.

He has never seen her so lightly dressed, not even during their time on the run. Obviously, his mouth has slightly gone dry and it takes him a few seconds to gather his thoughts.

“Do you mind if I join?” she asks. He shakes his head no.

She walks over and sits down next to him and folds her athletic, bare legs under her.

“Jake fell asleep but I couldn’t drift off. Thought some herbal tea and the crickets chirping could help,” she explains in a gentle voice, before blowing into her mug and taking a sip. If he had her, he thinks, he would never let her leave his arms. “Why are you out here?” she continues.

He is gazing at her. He blinks then shrugs dismissively. “Just couldn’t sleep.”

They both look up at the star sky, silent. He finds peace in her physical proximity, feeling her arm slightly brushing against his.

“It’s…beautiful,” he eventually speaks.

“Yeah. It’s kept me occupied many nights,” she muses aloud, gazing skyward.

He frowns. “Your nightmare? You’ve had it often?”

“Yeah, I guess. Amnesia fills your nights with senseless dreams, and not knowing makes them sleepless.”

He sees the flimsy veil of melancholy fall over her face.

“When I woke up in this new time,” he begins, “I felt stuck. Couldn’t go back, couldn’t move on. I would have many dreams where I would watch myself sink into nothingness from standing still.”

He never told Natasha — he never told anyone — and now he’s just told Katherine.

She looks sympathetically at him; she feels him.

“So how long were you in the ice for?” she asks.

He realizes it is the first time she shows interest in his un-normal past.

“I went into the ice in 1944. Woke up in 2011.”

She slowly takes in the information, processing it. Then the corner of her mouth curls up.

“So you’re over 100 years old? I bet I must have made a thousand jokes about it.”

He snorts. “You never did. It never even crossed your mind — it made my acclimatization to the new century far easier.”

She is laughing along with him.

“You’re a terrible liar,” she remarks.

His chuckles die out and he looks at her musingly. “You told me that once…when we were still getting to know each other.”

She eyes him, a little surprised, but not as baffled as him.  “You’ve always been very perceptive,” he finishes.

“Or you’re just very easy to read,” she says with a grin, before taking another sip.

When her tea turns cold, she leans over to put the mug down on the table, and using the foot she has just put down to the floor, gives them a push to make the swing move.

“It’s holding up!” she exclaims softly. “You’ve done a good job.”

She gives a harder push and the canopy swings up.

“Ok, let’s not push my luck,” he warns. She looks up at him with a large smile plastered across the face.

They keep giggling for a little more until the swing significantly slows down. Katherine folds her legs up again and tries to drape her arm over her bare lap to shield it from the air that has cooled down a little. He pulls the throw rolled up on his side and unfolds it. He gently spreads it over her lap, attentive not to make any physical contact which could make her uncomfortable.

“Don’t you miss them?” she says. “Your teammates — your friends? Don’t you regret giving up everything to stay here.”

“No,” he answers simply. “Many times over you gave up everything to stay with me.”

She furrows her brows and goes dead silent. “I find it difficult to bond with her…I mean who I was. But I’m glad you stayed. It’s been good having you around here and getting to know you.”

He smiles softly, looking into her eyes before they divert in another direction. Her face lights up with excitement.

“What were the 40s like?” she asks. “I mean, it’s not every day you can meet a contemporary of Clark Gable. For the record, he was Eliza’s mother’s childhood heartthrob. How about the Wall Street Crash? Do you remember where you were on Black Tuesday?”

“Ok, first of all I know you just made that up,” he protests, rolling his eyes. “Secondly, I was too young to recall Black Tuesday.”

A smirk tugs at her lips.

“What’s one of your best memories from that time?” she asks.

His mind traverses time to old — forsaken— memories, buried deep down.

“My best friend Bucky, back from his first tour, and I went to the premiere of Casablanca. Bucky thought he was Humphrey Bogart and I had a crush on Ingrid Bergman. She somehow caught sight of me in the big crowd, squeezed between tall, strong men and signed an autograph for me. She was stunning. Needless to say, Casablanca was my favorite movie,” he reminisces with a fond smile. He feels her fixed gaze on him, then his eyes fall back on her. “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

She smiles and leans her head back on the cushion. “It’s a sweet story. Tell me more.”

He hasn’t talked about the past in so long and it seems this night is perfectly suited for it. They talk for minutes that progressively morph into hours. Jake is upstairs but he relishes the fact he has had her all for himself all through the night.

The blue of the night slowly begins to lose its depth, and the first rim rays of light foretell the arrival of dawn. She pulls the throw away and gets on her feet. She picks up her mug and makes her to the door.

“Kat,” he calls, and the nickname sounds natural, uncannily familiar. Her eyes dart to him and smiles. She likes it, too. “It was nice talking to you. It felt both new and familiar.”

She nods and walks inside. Her head pokes out and she flashes a smirk. “We’ll always have Paris,” she quotes. Then she disappears inside.

He presses his hand on the empty spot next to him, feeling the warmth of the space she filled all night.

____________________________________

Katherine is preparing breakfast, Eliza is seated at the kitchen counter, reading the paper. She puts it down as she notices the apparent groggy expression on Katherine’s face. She sees the dark circles, too.

“Are you alright, dear?” Eliza asks.

“I barely slept last night.”

Just then Jake comes down the stairs, blows a kiss in his girlfriend’s direction and shoots off. The elderly woman’s eyes suspiciously wander from the door to her. Katherine furrows her brows, reading the woman’s expressions.

“Nothing like that,” she huffs while mixing the ingredients for the waffles. “I was out on the porch with Steve until daybreak.”

Eliza couldn’t have looked more intrigued even if she tried. She eyes her up and down with newly-found admiration.

“You spent the night with two men? Dear, aren’t you full of stamina?” she exclaims mischievously with a cocked eyebrow while Katherine rolls her eyes. “I’m not judging — quite the contrary. It reminds me of my young years…”

“Eliza!” Her mouth takes the shape of an O.

The woman eyes her curiously. “What? 1968, Bob Dylan’s music, Woodstock…these brought some of the most thrilling moments of my life. You’ll have all the time you need to rest when you get older.”

Katherine snorts. “You are unbelievable. All we did was talk.”

Eliza rolls her eyes and lifts her newspaper to eye level. “Then you’re even more foolish if you didn’t jump on the occasion. I wouldn’t think twice about it if I were your age.”

“No offense Liz, but aren’t you past the age?” she frowns.

“As long as I have working eyes I am allowed to use them. I mean, have you checked out his…” Katherine’s eyes open wide in apprehension, fearing the worst.  “…posterior?”

She eyes her closely, actually waiting for an answer.

“No, I haven’t. Why, have you?”

Eliza snorts. “Oh please, no hypocrisy between us!”

“Well unlike you I have better things to do than check out people’s derriere.”

“In my defense, I didn’t look for it. He simply walked into the room and it leapt to the eye so that I had no choice but to acknowledge it.”

Katherine props her elbow on the kitchen counter, eyes the woman and sighs. “We’re done with this conversation.”

During breakfast as Steve stands at the counter, sipping his coffee, Katherine walks over to the table, and as she does so, her eyes discreetly aim slightly lower than they normally would and linger on the area discussed at length fifteen more earlier. Eliza is sitting on the chair, waiting with mischievous expression. Both women smile at each other knowingly.

________________________________

Steve has just finished painting the first layer of the yard railings. He is now cutting wood while Eliza is sipping a cool drink on the new porch swing.

“Things are starting to look lovely,” she comments. “Please know I am thankful for your hard work.” He smiles. After a pause, she grins smugly. “I guess I couldn’t expect less from Captain America himself.”

He turns around and both exchange a long, meaningful look. He walks up to the railings and looks at her with a grin.

“When did you realize?” he asks very serenely.

She eyes him very appreciatively. “Thank you for not simply assuming Katherine told me.”

“I would never dare underestimate your perspicacity, Eliza.”

“I’ve known for a while,” she answers his question. “And it didn’t take long to work out Katherine’s former identity.”

“She doesn’t want that life anymore,” he says.

“Which I can understand. She may not have realized it yet but she needed to know who she was to decide who she wants to be.”

A familiar car emerges around the path with a honk and pulls over. Jake comes out of it and makes his way to the porch. He greets them both with a smile before leaning towards the freshly-painted railings. Steve watches him without twitching as the man presses himself against it.

“I’m here to pick up Kate,” he says, completely unaware of the situation. After a couple of minutes of small talks, he props his hand on the handrails and frowns as he looks down at his palm covered in paint. He hastily steps away and inspects the damage made on his shirt.

“Shoot. Hadn’t realized that wasn’t dry yet,” Steve comments coolly, a small smirk almost tugging at his lips.

Katherine swings through the door, holding her purse, and both head to the car.

Steve is watching until a slurping sound rings out just behind him. He turns around and sees Eliza sipping her drink with a twinkle in the eye.

#romanogers #Steve Rogers #Natasha Romanoff #Black Widow #Captain America #fanfic #writing #the empty space next to me #inneedofinspiration #stevenat #captasha #capwidow #steve x natasha

[jonogueira]

Moon Hair & Fire Eyes.

Chapter 8.

AO3.

Summary:

Cullen finally admits to himself his feelings for Moira and decides to ask her to wed him.

Notes:

** = Avvar language. “” = Common tongue.

TW: insinuation of rape, murder threat.

Happily ever after.

She had been training with the bow and how to ride a horse for three weeks. She had understood how to use it and was reasonably good, not even close to the hunters and huntresses, but she had had immense improvement and could defend herself with it if she needed to. Her hands were proof enough, the blisters and the new callouses visible to everyone who wanted to see.

Riding a horse was a completely different story… the horses didn’t like Moira, or so she thought. Every time she got near them, they got restless, neighing and trotting away.

Cassandra said it was because she, too, was nervous around them. She told Moira horses were sensitive animals and could feel the rider’s feelings. It was Cassandra because Cullen decided to ignore her and stopped teaching her on the third day of training.

After he told her to wed Bran, things between them were different… difficult. She felt he had other things to add, but he never did. He was always distant when they were together, not looking into her eyes or getting closer than an arm’s reach unless strictly necessary, but when she was around Bran, she often saw him watching and studying them. It would be comprehensible because he wanted them to wed, but why did she have the impression he disapproved when Bran touched her or made her laugh? Maybe it was the sudden darkening of his eyes or the strained body language. The gods only knew.

And talking about the gods, Moira, one day, caught herself praying for Sigfrost, asking him to give her wisdom. She didn’t know how to act among the Avvar properly and needed help.

She grew fond of them, and although they were still wary of her, they started to see her as one of them, and the children, once again, were allowed to be near her. Even the women sat beside her during dinner time, gossiping or telling tales of their accomplishments.

Her heart warmed every time she thought she could be one of them, to have them as a family, to be part of something, but every time she entertained the thought, Cullen was around, giving her one of those looks she couldn’t decipher.

"What in the world did he want with her? From her?" She sighed and laid on her left side.

She studied his empty bed and remembered the day he brushed her hair. The smile on her lips was big enough to reach her eyes. She laid on her back and remembered when he massaged her hand, she felt her skin hot and covered her pink cheeks, throwing the blanket over her head. His words telling her she belonged with him reached her ears again, and she felt his arms around her.

Moira sat up on the bed with both hands over her mouth, and her wide eyes stared at his bed.

She just realized she was in love with him, and maybe, just maybe he was in love with her too. The thought sent shivers down her spine, but the good kind, and she had a thousand butterflies on her stomach. She stood up and hopped around the hut, her hands on her chest, clasping her t-shirt to cover her mouth and muffle her giggles.

Her moment of sheer excitement was cut short, though; she heard loud conversation beyond the hut and the neighing of a horse. She immediately left the place, not stopping to change clothes.

She followed the people and ended up in the barn. Three men, including Cullen, were trying to force a horse into one of the stalls.

The horse was white with a grey mane. Moira immediately recognized it.

*Hey! Stop it!* She approached the men and animal. *She no want in, stop force her, please? You Avvar always force people!* She pushed them out of the way.

They tried to take her away from the horse, but Cullen stopped them, and they walked to the crowd, leaving Moira alone with the mare.

“Hello, beautiful!” Moira whispered, still far from the animal. “We meet again. Did they force you to come? They forced me too.”

She stopped because the horse was getting restless.

“It’s alright. I won’t hurt you.” She stretched her hand and waited for the mare to approach.

It neighed and shook its mane. Its eyes locked on Moira’s but still not coming to her.

“It’s okay. See?” She showed her empty hands. “I will help you.  Just let me get closer.”

----

*That will not end up well, Cullen,* Cassandra said loud. *You know how she and horses do not get along.*

Cullen said nothing and continued watching the scene.

The horse suddenly ran towards Moira, but she stood her ground, and the animal stopped centimeters from her. Ears pinned and tail swishing in a quick way, the mare was angry.

Cullen approached them, and Moira raised a hand for him to stop, and he did. She acknowledged his trust with a nod.

Cullen watched her whisper to the mare, and the animal calm down enough for Moira to touch its head. She caressed its neck and patted it; the horse rested his head on her shoulder. She took the mare to the barn and fed it; the hold was in awe with how she had handled the situation.

People congratulated Moira, and Cullen went to her side. The horse was still uncomfortable, but Moira kept talking to it.

*We need to find a stall for her.* Cullen started.

*No. She is not stay. I feed her and let her go.* She gave the mare some water. *If you force her, I release her.*

They didn’t look at each other. While Moira tended the horse, Cullen leaned his back on the door, running his fingers through his hair.

*Moira…* He didn’t turn to her, and she didn’t bother to take her eyes off of the horse. *I…* He sighed loudly.

*Yes?*

That was when Cullen looked at her. She was wearing her sleeping clothes, and her hair was on her back, beyond her hips. He had the sudden urge to feel it again between his fingers and took two steps forward before stopping himself from going further. He then turned around and left.

-----

*Is everything all right? She turned to look at him, but he was gone.

The horse touched its head on her face, and she started caressing it again.

At lunch, she looked for Cullen; she wanted to talk to him, tell him about her feelings, and maybe, who knew, things could start to fall into place, and she would finally have the family and the sense of belonging she ignored missing, but secretly haunted her dreams.

And it was with Cassandra she learned he had gone hunting, leaving her alone without a word.

*Cullen is hunting. He will be back in a few days. Hasn't he told you?*

*Well,…* She heard herself saying. *Maybe he forget… maybe he in hurry…* She hid her disappointed face.

*Urgh. Cullen is an idiot,* Cassandra said, massaging her temples. *If he continues on this path… if he doesn’t admit it…* She was talking more to herself than to Moira. *I don’t want to be the one who picks the broken pieces.*

Moira studied her but didn’t say anything; she had no idea what she was talking about. She excused herself and went to grab some food. Bran sat with her, and they spoke of other things, but her hurt kept taking her back to Cullen.

For two days, the hunters were away, and the hut was growing uncomfortably cold by the minute. On the second night, Moira slept on his bed, her arms around his pillow and his scent on her face.

On the fourth day, the hold had unexpected visitors, and Moira kept close to Cassandra and Leliana. The recently arrived hunters and huntresses came from Fennec-Tooth Hold, and Moira was introduced to each and every one of them, but it was the last huntress who impressed her.

The woman was named Aoife. She was a warrior through and through; Moira did not doubt it. She carried her shield and sword like they were an extension of her arms, just like Cullen did.

She had piercing blue eyes that shone brighter against her dark hair. It was long and straight, which she kept loose on her chest. Her skin was sun-touched, and the tanned tone just made her more beautiful… Moira was suddenly self-conscious.

*Where are you from?* She asked a distracted Moira.

*Sorry, you can repeat, please?*

*You are not Avvar; that is clear as day. No doubt a lowlander, I can see by the way you carry yourself. You have hair like no other…* She caressed Moira’s hair. *Hair the color of the moon. Your skin is white, although you have started to get some color, but still as white as the clouds.* She touched her arm. *So, where are you from?* She sat beside Moira.

* I... I don’t… I don’t remember,…* she whispered, lowering her head.

*I see. Don’t worry; you can go back when your memory returns. I can imagine you think we are savages.* She laughed aloud. *If I were in your place, stuck in the lowlands, I mean, I would be desperate to come back home. I can’t understand you; I could never be one of you!* She offered Moira an honest smile, which she returned in kind. *Well, I must go. I’ll see you around.* She waved at a crestfallen Moira.

Aoife walked among the hold as if she was one of them, she had lunch and dinner near the fire, and they asked her about her deeds. The hold was happy to have her around.

That night was the one Moira missed Cullen the most. She needed to hear him saying she belonged there with them, with him. Her place was beside him and not in the lowlands away from his smile and warmth, his laughter and frown. She cried on his pillow and grabbed it closer to her body, imagining he had his arms around her, rocking her to sleep. Her last thought before entering the land of dreams was him whispering in her ear how much he loved and needed her, his lips on hers.

The following two days were difficult too. Moira still trained with the bow and how to ride a horse, but Aoife was always close.

She had a strange sensation that the woman wanted to show her she didn’t belong there. She was much more than Moira, which she didn’t need to bother doing because, with just a glance at her, Moira knew she would never be even close to being the Avvar she was.

Cullen finally arrived from the hunt, it had been successful, and they had brought more meat to be stored. And when Moira heard the news, she ran to meet him. It was near the central fire where she saw him; she stood still in place, waiting for him to get closer to her. She noticed his big smile when he finally noticed her.

He ran his fingers through his hair, and still smiling, approached Moira, who had butterflies in her stomach and a heart that beat in her ears. She was relieved he was alive and had returned to her. He seemed relaxed and confident; something had changed in him. It was the perfect moment to tell him exactly how she felt… not in front of everybody, of course. She would take him to their hut and kiss him until the sun had set.

He was less than two meters away, and that’s when everything changed.

Aoife stopped in front of him, and Moira saw his eyes open wide, his eyebrows shoot up, and his lips part. She heard the woman’s laughter and saw her grabbing his hands and take him away. Moira could feel her cheeks hot with anger, and she closed her hands, driving her nails into her palms, drawing blood from them.

She was furious. How could this woman deny her moment of happiness? Cullen was back, and everything was finally going to be as she had dreamed the last nights.

Moira walked away, taking deep breaths, and sat beside Leliana and Cassandra. She tried to calm herself down, but both women looked at her up and down.

*Is everything okay?* Leliana asked, touching her arm.

*Urgh. Cullen is idiot* She started to undo her braid.

*This much we already know.* Cassandra chuckled by her side. *What has he done now?*

*He go hunt with no goodbye, and now he is back… I think he come talk to me, but noooooooooooo…* She threw her half-undone braid back. *The first thing he do is walk away with Aoife.* She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.

Leliana and Cassandra looked at each other.

*Moira,…* Cassandra started cautiously. *As much as I don’t like it…. well, you see…*

Moira was confused, Cassandra was always blunt, and she had never seen the woman at a loss for words.

*Aoife will be Cullen’s wife…*

Moira’s hand flew to her chest. She could feel her heart tearing apart. She quickly stood up and left, stumbling on everything. She heard the women calling, but she couldn’t care less.

Bran stopped her by lightly holding her arm, she had cut her leg, and it was bleeding, but she hadn’t noticed. He kneeled to clean it, but Moira gently took his hand away and kept walking.

She had to get away from that place; that people. The place was too small and suffocating. She couldn’t breathe, and her mind was foggy.

She found herself in the barn with her bow. The mare was still around, so she saddled it, who complained at first but then obeyed. They had developed a bond; they trusted each other. She mounted the horse she called Moon, and she darted away from the hold.

Moira was riding the horse, not running because she didn’t know where to go, but that moment she had to be as far as possible from the place, it didn’t matter where she ended.

----

*I didn’t know you were coming. I would have stayed to greet you, Aoife,* Cullen said, sitting beside her.

*I didn’t know either. It was a last-minute decision. We went hunting and decided to pass by. I asked to stay until you arrived. I wanted to see you one more time before the first snow hits the ground.* She gave him a sly grin. *It is almost here, and I thought we could spend some time together before we wed.*

Cullen was unsure of how to react. It was not how he intended to arrive at the hold. He was going to apologize to Moira for the way he was behaving and then sit with her, Leliana and Cassandra and explain to her why it was vital that she married Bran. Well, it was the plan until he saw her smiling at him when he arrived.

He wanted to walk to her and run his fingers through her hair, feel her skin under his touch, and her warmth in a tight embrace. He imagined himself kissing her. Aoife yanked him out of his fantasies, and he locked them away for later.

They were talking for quite some time when Cassandra told him Moira was nowhere to be seen, and the mare was missing from the barn too.

Cullen stood up and went to their hut, it was empty, and his heart grew colder.

*No!* Was the only thing he thought. Áed’s face mocking his eyes.

-----

The night was near, and Moira walked beside Moon, returning to the hold. Two rabbits hanging from the saddle. She approached the hold through the barn, lead the horse to the stall, and let it rest. She went to the kitchen to leave the rabbits and headed to her hut for a bath before dinner.

She bathed and was brushing her hair when Cullen entered the place without knocking. His hair was disheveled, and he was red in anger.

*Where were you?* He quickly reduced the space between them. *Where were you?* His voice louder.

Moira flinched but stood her ground.

*I go hunt. I bring two rabbits.* She smiled proudly at him.

*Do you know how much I was worried? Don’t you EVER leave without me again…* Moira slapped him.

She still had her trembling hand raised while he looked at her in silence, with his cheek red.

They stared at each other until the first tear rolled down Moira’s cheek, and Cullen pulled her into an embrace.

They smelled each other’s scent, their arms tighter than usual, afraid they would somehow escape. Cullen’s hand went up Moira’s back and rested on her nape, his fingers inside her hair. Moira grabbed his clothes and buried her face in his neck, wetting his skin with her tears.

Cullen gently pulled Moira’s hair to look into her eyes and apologize, but her mouth was near his, and he lost the ability to speak; her parted lips almost touching his, and her hot breath tickled his skin.

Someone was coming, and they grudgingly distanced themselves. Aoife entered the hut, and Moira hated her for interrupting their moment once again.

*Is everything okay?* The Avvar asked, concerned.

*Yes…* Moira restarted brushing her hair. *I go hunt. Take opportunity no one see I and go. I catch two rabbits.* Moira turned with a smile to the woman, her eyes still wet.

Aoife studied both with narrow eyes.

*I see.* She turned to Cullen.

*I’m sorry. Cullen is idiot.* She pointed at him. *I am happy and tell Cullen about rabbits, it difficult for me to catch rabbits, but he laughed, and I become sad. I cry because I am idiot too.* She sighed. *But Cullen more idiot.* She nodded at him.

Aoife laughed and approached Moira; she patted her head.

*Two rabbits? That is very good! And yes, he is an idiot for not congratulating you. We eat them tomorrow, okay? I will help you to skin and cook them.* She left the Hut, but before stepping outside, she called Cullen to walk with her.

Cullen gave Moira one last confused look before following the Avvar out.

Moira had dinner and begged Cassandra to allow her to spend the next nights with her. She said she didn’t want to be on Cullen and Aoife’s way; she promised to behave. Cassandra gave her a big no the first time, explaining that they were not married and Aoife had her own hut, but Moira gave her a sly grin asking if it would stop them, which Cassandra admitted it wouldn’t with blushing cheeks, allowing her to spend the nights while Aoife stayed in the hold.

Tiredness came, and she went to her hut and took her pillow and blanket. When she was about to step outside the hut, Cullen walked in, bumping into her, throwing everything in the air. With the fright, Moira stumbled back and fell on the ground. She tried to hold onto something and grabbed Cullen’s arm. As he was not expecting her to pull him, he fell on her, with her head between his arms and his legs between hers.

They looked at each other for what seemed ages, observing the features, and feeling the warmth that radiated from their bodies. Moira’s eyes traced Cullen’s parted lips, and she placed her hands on his chest; a noise erupted from it, but she didn’t pay it attention and bit her lips hard… Aoife on her mind. She pulled Cullen to the side and stood up.

It took Cullen a few seconds to understand what was happening.

*What are you doing? Where are you going?*

*I sleep, Cassandra.* She cleared her throat. *You and Aoife need space… to be together… lonely?* She curled a lock around her finger.

*No.* He started taking her things and put them on her bed. *You stay here.* He frowned and placed his hands on his hips.

Moira took a deep breath and walked to her bed. She grabbed her things, but Cullen pulled them away, putting them on the bed again.

Moira pouted and bent to pick everything up again, but Cullen held her arm.

*No.*

*Aoife, your bride. You wed soon.* She said without looking at him.

She turned to him, and he saw the tears in her eyes. He approached her and raised his hand to touch her cheeks.

*Moira-*

*Don’t touch me!* Her voice was firm, and she saw surprise on Cullen’s eyes; she was surprised herself with the confidence in her voice.

*I sleep Cassandra, goodnight.* She left the place without looking back.

She spent two nights on Cassandra’s hut, and on the second, Aoife said she was leaving in two days, making Moira breathe relieved. The woman made her feel like less than what they fed the pigs, a constant reminder she wasn’t enough for Cullen.

-----

Cullen was as relieved as he was apprehensive the day his bride left. With her not around anymore, he could sit with Moira and talk. Although he had spent the last days with Aoife and being told how lucky he was for having an Avvar like her as a bride, he felt far from it. He was miserable.

The last days just made it more evident that being the perfect example of an Avvar woman was not what he was looking for in a bride… he wanted a smart, intelligent, funny, and clumsy woman by his side. And not only that but a woman with moon hair and fire eyes.

That morning he bid Aoife farewell and looked for Moira. He was going to propose to her and talk to thane Conn and somehow find a way to cancel the marriage with less severe consequences. If he had to compete with Fennec-Tooth Hold in a test of strength or speed, or even offer the hold apology in the form of a hunt, he would do it for her. He wished with all his soul she would accept his apology and not turn him down.

He looked for her, but Bran had taken her to train with the bow in the forest. Cullen narrowed his eyes and felt uneasy… something was wrong.

-----

They were walking for a couple of hours, and Moira’s feet were starting to hurt, but she kept going. She needed to toughen up. They chatted away while walking to the designated hunting area; she was going to hunt with Bran.

*I not knew you, hunter, too!* She exclaimed.

*I didn’t know you were a hunter too.* He repeated until she got the words right. *There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.*

She gave him a big smile. They kept talking in Avvar so she could practice.

*I know you… you are a trader and help the augur. You teach me the Avvar words and ways. What else do you do?*

* I help write the hold’s letters to the lowlands and its history.*

Moira frowned.

“The history of the hold? I don’t understand.” She asked in the common tongue, and Bran laughed.

*You will see in a bit.* He answered in Avvar.

They walked for a few more minutes in silence and stopped at a clearing, the sun almost at its apex.

She turned to ask Bran for her bow so she could start tracking the animals, but he refused with a smile, confusing her.

“What’s wrong?”

Bran gave her a crooked smile and pointed ahead with his chin. Moira turned around, and Áed was walking in their direction.

She took a few steps back and bumped into Bran, who stood still and waved to Áed.

“Bran, we need to go now. What are you doing?” She tried to walk away, but he held her by the waist.

Moira tried to get away by pushing and pulling him, but the shock that still clung to her made her mind go blank. Bran sighed and grabbed her hands, holding them on her back and turning her to a smiling Áed. He made her kneel on the ground and held her firmly there.

“Hello, moon hair,” he said, running his fingers through her hair.

“Bran! You filthy maggot. You will pay for-”

Áed held her face, shutting Moira’s mouth and whispering in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine.

“You will listen to me, or you will face the consequences.” His grip hurting her jaw.

He looked into her eyes and smiled; she returned his gaze.

“I like this. I remember the way you looked at me that day, with the same fire in those beautiful eyes.” He chuckled and took his hand from her face.

Moira spat at him and tried to get free to punch the mocking smile off his face, but Bran held her firm, and she gave him a silent death glare over her shoulder.

“The more you struggle, the more excited I get… if you know what I mean.” He slowly looked her up and down.

“I made you a promise that day Áed, and I intend to keep it.”

“Oh yes, you said you would cut my hand off if I touched you again.”

He touched her cheeks and her neck. He traced her arm down and started to skim the skin of her belly up to her breasts but stopped midway when she threatened to kill him slowly.

“Promises, promises. Tsk tsk tsk.” He wagged his finger. “Here is the thing…” He turned his back to her and took a few away from her. “I want you, and I always get what I want.”

Moira laughed aloud, and Bran had to stop her from falling.

“You will be mine, and you will walk to me, willingly.” He turned and looked at her.

“By the gods, Bran. If I knew you would take me here to make me laugh, I would have come sooner.” She shook her head.

Áed walked to her and leaned on one knee, close to her.

“I think I wasn’t clear enough; let me correct it.” He cleared his throat. “I have eyes on the hold, I know everything that happens there, I have the hold in my hands. Nothing happens there that I don’t allow.” He scratched his head. “The first day you arrived, I was informed. You escaped because I wanted to see how far you would go. I know you have feelings for Cullen, and he has feelings for you too.” He saw Moira widen her eyes. “Oh, you didn’t know it?” He laughed.

Moira felt her cheeks hot and looked away. This wasn’t how she imagined she would find out that he felt the same.

“Cullen intends to wed Aoife when the first snow hits the ground, and he thinks I will come back to take you at the same time.”

There was only one-way Áed knew all of that, and Moira looked at Bran over her shoulder.

“Why are you doing this, Bran? I thought you loved our people.”

“Our people? They don’t see you more than a nuisance; don’t mistake that for friendship. They will never let me be one of them, but Wolf Jaw Hold?” He chuckled and gave her a cold stare. “They gave me meaning; I will wed whoever I chose, I will be whoever I choose. No more writing letters or following the augur around. I will be a man again.” He shoved Moira, and she lowered her head.

“You will never be more than the maggot you are; it doesn’t matter where you live.” She felt him tense beside her.

She heard Áed clapping and looked up to see him approaching her.

“This one has got a bite! Feisty.” He winked at her.

Áed suddenly kissed her, and Moira bit his lips until she tasted blood on her tongue. He took a step back and slapped her, drawing blood from her lips.

“As I was saying…” He cleaned the blood from his face with the back of his hand. “You will come to me willingly when the first snow hits the ground.”

“I will never do such thing; I prefer a painfully slow death.” She spat and stained the ground red.

“You won’t die, but if you don’t do as I am telling you to do, I will burn that wretched place to the ground. Then I will kill the ones who survive the fire in front of you. I will make sure you watch all of them dying until they draw their last breath, and then I will take you as my bride on their ashes in front of every one of my warriors. I promise I will take my time on that.” He smiled creepily.

Moira felt a shiver down her spine, and she swallowed hard the saliva. She held the tears from spilling out of her eyes and stared at him.

“If you try to warn the hold, I will know, and I will be there before you get a chance to prepare. I will come during the night, in the silence… you will only know I’m there when you smell the first hut on fire when you hear the first child’s scream on the wind.”

Moira felt her body trembling; the image was vivid in her closed eyes. The first ones she saw were the children dead and burned. The last one was Cullen… dying in her arms because she knew he would do it.

“You have two choices: Come to me, and everyone lives or refuse, and everyone dies.”

Bran let her go, and Áed raised a hand for her to take.

-----

Cullen watched her coming with Bran from the forest; she seemed nervous and anxious. He approached them and saw the cut on her lips. He was going to ask Bran what happened when he took her by the hand, and they went in thane Conn’s hut direction.

They were inside for long, excruciating minutes, and when they finally left, thane Conn gathered everyone in the center of the hold, around the central fire still unlit.

*I have good news!* Cullen watched the smile playing on the old man’s lips. *In a couple of weeks we are having a wedding ceremony.* Cullen’s eyes darted to Moira’s, who averted his gaze. *Bran and Moira decided to wed.*

The hold erupted in cheers, and Cullen saw Bran hold Moira’s waist, and she gave him a kiss on the lips, her arms around his neck, a big smile dancing on her face.

I hope you liked.

Likes and reblogs are super appreciated!

Next chapter

#cullen rutherford #avvar au #avvar cullen #moon hair & fire eyes #chapter 8 #happily ever after #tw rape insinuation #tw murder threat

[even-strangerthings]

Wish You Were Here. Billy Hargrove imagine.

(Pictures inside of the edit are NOT mine. The edit is mine)

Warning: A lot of sadness (I’m sorry), mentions of death, cursing

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X OFC Character, Vanessa

Word count: 6,311 (It’s super long.)

A/N: Normal text is present time, italic text are flashbacks. 

Based off the song “Wish You Were Here” by Neck Deep

I had to repost this because somehow the one I posted this morning got deleted. Don’t let this flop because I worked really hard on this.

Cause a picture is all that I have to remind me that you’re never coming back

Before Vanessa and Billy had started going out he was infatuated with her, and she was infatuated with him as well. She was the happiest, most bubbly person he had ever seen. She was always so friendly to everyone, even Billy. As much as he tried to walk around school and act like he was a tough macho man, Vanessa saw through it. She was a people watcher, and she would see Billy by himself every once and a while and she could see that he had a vulnerable side. He would watch her too sometimes in class, the way she would play with the ring she wore on her middle finger during class. He would see her walk home some days after school and he wanted to offer her a ride, but he didn’t want her to reject him. She wanted to figure out what made him tick and what went on in that head of his. One day after school she had to pass through the gym to get to her P.E. locker to get something out of there, when she opened the door she saw Billy by himself on the court dribbling the basketball. She walked along the sidelines watching as he shot the ball up toward the basket, making it in the hoop. He turned to grab the ball and saw Vanessa walking, stopping what he was doing and watching her instead.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to disrupt you.”

She said, bending down to pick the ball off the ground as it rolled to her. Billy smiled cockily at her, shrugging his shoulders and began to walk over to her.

“Oh, you’re fine. You’re Vanessa, right?”

She had no idea he knew who she was, he never gave her a second look that she had noticed, so she was surprised that he knew her name. Vanessa nods her head, throwing the ball to him. Billy smiles at her, looking at her longingly.

“You have really pretty eyes, has anyone ever told you that?”

“I could say the same about yours.”

She responds, nervously playing with her hands.

“Why are you here by yourself? It’s it easier to play basketball with another person?”

“Yeah, we can play together, if you want to.”

He says, dribbling the ball against the hardwood floor. Vanessa smiles, putting her stuff off to the side on the bleachers, tying her hair up.

“Alright Hargrove, you’re on. Let’s make it interesting why don’t we, hmm? The first one to get to let’s say… 15 points gets to pick a punishment for the other.”

The two were laughing up and down the court as they both tried to block each other’s shots and steal the ball. Vanessa had ended up getting the ball from him, both of them only needing one more point to make it to 15. She sprinted across the court, dribbling the ball, she feels herself getting picked off the ground, a pair of arms wrapping around her waist. Vanessa squeals as Billy puts her down, stealing the ball from her. He runs in the opposite direction and throws the ball, making it in the hoop with ease. Vanessa laughs, shaking her head and putting her hands on her hips. Billy cheers, throwing his hands up in the air in victory.

“That was a foul and you know it.”

“We never said we had to play by the rules, sweetheart. Now if I’m not mistaken, I have to pick a punishment out for you.”

He says, rubbing his hands together.

“I’m not doing anything that has to do with me getting naked, Hargrove.”

“Damn, well now I got to think of something else… I got it, you have to go on a date with me.”

He says, looking nervous for suggesting it.

“That’s not a punishment, but I would love to go on a date with you.”

Billy looks at her with wide eyes, almost in disbelief.

“Really? You really would go on a date with me?”

“Yeah? Why do you sound so surprised?”

Vanessa asks, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

“You don’t find me intimidating like everyone else does around here. You’ve never not smiled at me when I walk into class, or when you see me in the hallway.”

“I see through your tough boy facade, thats why. I know you put up a front for everyone here, so no, I’m not scared of you. I know there’s more to you then the hot car, hot body, and good hair.”

Billy softly smiles at her. Vanessa walks back to the bleachers and rips out a piece of paper out of her notebook, scribbling her phone number and address on it, handing it to Billy.

“Pick me up tonight at 8?”

He takes the paper and nods his head.

“I’ll see you later beautiful.”

“Looking forward to it, hermoso.”

He watches her walk away and out of his view before he jumps in the air and throws his fist in the air because he got her to go on a date with him.

Vanessa looks at her clock sitting next to her, saying that it was already 3am. She puts her notebook down after she had finished writing down the story of her and Billy’s first encounter. She looks out of her window seat in her room at the stars twinkling in the sky, her eyes were dry, impossible for anymore tears to escape her. Her chest tightened as she tried to catch her breath. She clung onto the chain of Billy’s necklace that he had given her that night, lacing it through her fingers on her right hand, the pendant resting in the palm of her hand. Vanessa missed being with Billy this late at night laying out at the school football field watching the stars and trying to point out the constellations in the sky. She missed resting her head against his chest while he would be playing with her hair, twisting random strands around his finger.

“That can be our star.”

Vanessa says, pointing to a cluster of stars in the sky.

“Which one?”

“The brightest star up in the sky right now. I’ve read about that one it’s called Vega. The story is that her parents liked the person she was with, but didn’t like how much time she spent with them, and they both started to neglect things that were important to them. So the parents arranged to separate the two by a river. They only got to spend one night a year together.”

She explained, turning onto her stomach, caressing Billy’s face. He smiles over at her quickly, looking back up at the sky. She looked at how beautiful he looked, the way the moon casted light against his soft face.

“Hmm, sounds familiar, except your parents barely tolerate me, my dad hates you, and if he had it his way he wouldn’t even let me see you once a year. I’m lucky I can sneak out of the house as often as I can to come see you.”

“Only 7 more months until we can get out of here mi corazón. And we can go to New York like we’ve been talking about.”

Vanessa says, getting up and straddling Billy’s lap, he sits up and wraps his arms around her, burying his face in her neck. She hugged him back, enjoying the warmth of his body against hers. She picked her head up and rested her forehead against his, playing with the collar of his shirt.

“Alright, that’s our star. On nights we can’t come out here and do this, I’ll look up in the sky and think of you.”

“Who knew that the keg king of Hawkins is so romantic and deep?”

Billy rolls his ocean blue eyes at her, trying to shield his smile from her.

“And if you ever tell anyone your ass is grass, Nessa.”

She laughed at him, shaking her head because she knew that she could murder someone in cold blood and he would still think she was an angel.

“Sure thing tough guy. I won’t let anybody know that you have other feelings other than being grumpy.”

“I have a question. Would you ever marry me?”

Her mouth hangs open, surprised at his question. The two of them talked about a lot of things, but marriage was something they hadn’t really touched on.

“Shit, I shouldn’t have said anything… sorry.”

“No, no, no. I was just kinda blindsided because we never talked about it. But to answer your question, I would marry you in a heartbeat.”

Billy smiles is almost to big for his face once he hears her answer. He reaches over to his denim jacket and pulls something small out of his jacket pocket, playing with it in the palm of his hand.

“So, will you marry me?”

Vanessa laughs nervously, cupping her hand over her mouth.

“What? Are you serious? Billy… I didn’t know you were serious… oh my god.”

He flashes her the ring, diamonds weaved through the silver band. His hand was shaking as he held his hand out.

“It was my mom’s. One of the many things I stole from my dad after she died.”

Vanessa looks up at him, meeting his blue eyes. She laughs, hugging him again.

“I can’t believe you. You’re impulsiveness is showing hard right now.”

“Sooooo… is that a yes?”

Billy asks.

“Yes. But not until we get out to New York. That way our parents can’t stop us.”

“Trust me, nobody is going to stop me from making you my wife. I love you, with all my heart.”

Billy takes Vanessa’s left hand and slips the ring onto the fourth finger.

“I love you too, siempre mi corazón.”

“Hold the bag of peas on your face while I wash the blood out of your shirt..”

Vanessa says, handing him the frozen bag and taking his light blue shirt with her to the sink in the kitchen, filling it up with water and submerging it into the cold water to let it soak. Billy holds the peas to the skin on his face, wincing feeling the cold against his eyebrow.

“This wasn’t my fault this time, Nessa. Evan put his hands on me first so I defended myself. My mom didn’t raise no bitch.”

Vanessa holds in her laugh, rolling her eyes. She wets a rag in the running water, wringing out the excess water, walking back to Billy and wiping the half dried blood from his nose.

“I know. But you have to cool it with your temper just a little bit. I don’t want to be bailing you out of jail because you got in a fight. Let me see your face.”

Billy moves the bag of peas from his eye, surprisingly he wasn’t going to be left with a black eye, but he was going to have a nasty bruise above his eyebrow.

“Is it bad doc?”

“No, you’ll live. Maybe he Evan knocked some sense into that head of yours.”

She jokes, kissing his forehead and walking back to the sink to clean his shirt. Billy comes up behind her and rests his chin on her shoulder.

“He was talking bad about you.”

He explains, wrapping his arms around her. She rests her head against his, knowing how sensitive he was when anyone talked bad about her.

“He said that you were a nice piece of ass and that I needed to watch where you were because someone else was going to end up snagging you up. I told him to shut his mouth, he grabbed me by my jacket, so I punched him in the jaw.”

Vanessa can’t help but laugh at him, shaking her head again.

“I appreciate you defending me, but you can’t go around punching anybody who has something to say about me. If I went around and fought everyone who talked bad about you I would be fighting people all day everyday.”

“I do it because I lo… uhh.”

He picks his head up quickly, his eyes wide. Vanessa knew what he was about to say but she was just as shocked as he was.

“I um… I do it… I did what I did because I like you… I umm…”

Billy quickly walks back to the chair at the kitchen table, putting the peas back on his face. Vanessa beams hearing him almost say he loved her, she wanted to say it back but she was nervous to make the first move. She turns around and slowly walks over to him, straddling his hips.

“Oh you just like me? That’s all?”

Billy cocks his brow, taking a deep breath and taking the bag off his face again and resting it on the table. He rests his hands on her hips and licks his lips.

“Yeah, I like you a lot.”

“Hmm, that’s weird because ‘lo’ doesn’t sound like “like”. It sounds like a different word.”

She shakes her head and kisses his cheek, getting off of his lap.

“Sorry, never mind.”

Billy grabs her hand, pulling her back to him and helping her sit back on his lap.

“I love you. I’ve loved you since our first date. Obviously I couldn’t tell you that on our first date because that’s creepy, but it’s the truth. I love you, Vanessa.”

He says, cupping her face with his hands, his rings cool against her cheek. She smiles sheepishly, her cheeks turning dark red.

“I love you too, Billy.”

“I can’t believe that the girl of my dreams loves me.”

Finally Vanessa’s eyes close after hours of her tossing and turning, not being able to shake Billy from her mind. Her mom was already getting home from work and decided that Vanessa could have one more day off from school since she didn’t get any sleep. As she fell into a deep sleep, the sound of her dad getting ready in the room next to hers subsided and she drifted off to sleep.

Vanessa grabs her bag off of the floor in her room, shutting her lights off and walking into the kitchen. Both her mom and dad were sitting at the kitchen table, which was odd because her mom was usually asleep because she worked graveyard shift at the hospital in town, and her dad was getting ready to go to work.

“Good morning. Why aren’t you sleeping mom?”

She asks, leaning down to give them both a kiss on the cheek. Her mom sighs shakily, looking up at her daughter, worry written all over her face.

“Mija, I need you to sit down for a second.”

Vanessa looks at her parents with concern, slowly sinking into the chair next to her mom. Her mom grabs Vanessa’s hand, rubbing her thumb over Vanessa’s knuckles.

“When I was leaving this morning around 5, Billy was brought in by ambulance because he was in a serious car accident. His car was a mangled mess, and it took the fire department a long time to get to him because he was trapped so badly… I don’t think he’s going to make it mija. He broke a lot of his ribs, he’s bleeding internally.”

Vanessa’s heart began to race, her hands becoming clammy. Her mind was racing a mile a minute while she tried to process all the information her mom was telling her.

“They can’t go in and do surgery on him? Help him stop bleeding? They can’t do anything for him?”

“If they operated on him he would bleed out in seconds. I think it’s a good idea for you to go down there and go see him… before…”

Vanessa jumps out of the chair, grabbing her car keys and rushing out the door. She tried to keep herself together the car ride there, trying to think positively so she didn’t freak herself out. Once she got there the lady at the front desk directed her to Billy’s hospital room, she was practically sprinting to the room, she rounded a corner and saw Max standing in the hallway up against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Max? Is he…”

She asked, not wanting to ask the question because she was afraid that she was too late at this point. Max’s eyes were puffy and red, dried tear marks on both sides of her cheeks.

“He’s conscious. My mom is in there right now. I can’t see him like this right now, that’s why I’m out here. He’s been asking for you though.”

“What happened?”

Vanessa asks, realizing she didn’t get the chance to ask her mom.

“He went to that girl Tina’s party and he had been drinking. He thought he was fine enough to drive but he was going too fast and took the curved road too fast. He spun out, some old lady side swiped him once he stopped spinning and pinned the car into a tree.”

Vanessa was mentally kicking herself. She told Billy he could go to Tina’s party because he wanted to go, but not without her. She insisted that she didn’t want to go and she would be fine with him going.

“I’m going to go see him, okay? I’ll be back.”

She says, giving her a tight hug. Vanessa knocks on the door lightly, hearing a female voice from inside telling her to come in. She pulls the door open, slowly walking in. Her eyes meet Susan first, then at Billy, the sight of him making her breath hitch in her throat. She turned back behind the curtain, covering her mouth with her hand, not expecting him to look as bad as he did. Tears filled her eyes almost instantly, biting her lip to suppress the sob she wanted to let out. Susan walked over to her, bringing her in for a hug.

“He’s been asking for you. He’ll be happy to see you. I’m going to go check on Maxine, and I’ll leave you two alone.”

Vanessa nodded her head, noticing that Billy’s father wasn’t in the room.

“Susan, where’s Neil?”

“He’s meeting with people from the funeral home, he wanted to get things ready early.”

Susan saw the displeasure in her face that his own father wasn’t here to say goodbye to his son, and quickly exited the room. Vanessa took deep breaths and walked back past the curtain, looking at how small he looked in the bed.

“Billy?”

His head moved toward her, his face not even looking like his face because it was so disfigured by the cuts and bruises on it.

“Hey beautiful.”

He croaks out, trying to sit up. Vanessa rushes over to him, trying to help him lay back down.

“Hey, you can’t be doing all that. You’re fragile now. They told me you crashed your baby?”

“Yeah, don’t remind me, I’m pissed. Totalled my fucking car.”

He sighs, looking up at the ceiling. Vanessa sat next to him in the chair, taking his hand into hers. Tears began to fall from her eyes, realizing this was going to have to be her goodbye to him. He looks over at her, squeezing her hand weakly.  

“They told you I’m on my way out huh?”

“Yeah, my mom told me… I thought that if I ever had to do this we’d be like 90 years old.”

She stayed silent for a few seconds, trying to swallow the lump in her throat so she could speak.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this Billy. How am I just supposed to let you go, I didn’t have you as long as I wanted with you.”

“I’m sorry, Nessa. I really am. Fuck baby I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I screwed up everything.”

They both openly sobbed, looking each other in the eyes.

“My medal. Bring it to me?”

Pointing his finger over to the corner of the room where there was a bag full of clothes. Vanessa got up off the chair, wiping tears from her eyes as she dug through the bag until she found the chain with the pendant on it. She walks back to Billy, placing it in his hand.

“No, I want you to have it. To remember me by.”

“Billy, I can’t. It was your mom’s. You should be bu… you should take it with you.”

He shakes his head.

“What good is it going to do me? I want you to have it. As long as you have it, I know that you’ll be safe. It kept me safe up until this morning… but I guess my mom missed me too much and wants me to come home. I want you to do good in your life, babe.”

“Billy…”

She sobs, not wanting to have this conversation with him.

“Vanessa, listen to me please. I don’t want you to dwell on this forever, I want you to go out and enjoy your life, meet someone else, start a good life with them, make sure they treat you like a queen because it’s what you deserve. I’m going to be watching over you, I won’t be far away from you, ever okay? Thank you for giving a piece of shit like me a chance to be with someone as beautiful and wonderful as you. My mom would have loved you, I know it.”

He lifted his arm high enough to reach for her face to wipe the tears away.

“I love you Vanessa. With all of my heart. I love you.”

“I love you too Billy. Mi corazón.”

She stared at his face as his long eyelashes began to close for longer periods of time. Her vision became more and more blurry as they filled with tears. She knew he was hurting, and she wished she could stop the pain in his body. Billy blinked one last time, his eyes remaining shut. She watched the monitor on the other side of his bed as the beeping slowed.

“I love you.”

She repeated over and over again, rocking back and forth in the chair. She felt one last squeeze of Billy’s hand before the beeping flatlined. Violent sobs emerged through her body once he was gone, covering her face with the sleeves of her jacket. The door opened, 2 nurses walking in and checking his pulse. Vanessa felt someone wrapping themselves around her, patting her back. She removed her hands from her face to see Max’s red hair in her line of sight, low sobs coming from her too.

“Come on girls, let’s get some air.”

Susan says, wiping tears from her own eyes. Max stands up first, sinking into her mom’s side as Susan helps Vanessa out of the chair.

“I’m going to call my mom. I don’t think I can drive back home right now.”

“Okay, Maxine, honey walk with her.”

Max follows her to the desk on the floor, asking one of the nurses if she could use the phone. Her mom answers and tells her she’ll be there right away to pick her up. Max waits with her out in the parking lot until Vanessa’s mom drives up, both of them hugging each other the whole time.

“Will you call me once you find out details about the funeral?”

Max nods her head, waving as the car drives off. Vanessa’s mom pulls out of the parking lot only to pull into the parking lot next to it, holding her as her daughter cries.

Her eyes open frantically, her body quickly launching up from the mattress. She looks around her room, realizing she was all alone.

“Fuck. Get it together Vanessa. Pull yourself together, you can’t do this to yourself.”

She says to herself, rubbing her eyes.

Vanessa sat in the car in the parking lot of the cemetery for the first time since the funeral. She had been staring at the entrance for almost 20 minutes trying to work up the courage to get out of the car, but she couldn’t figure out how to move her limbs. She saw red hair, the all too familiar red hair of Billy’s step sister riding her skateboard through the parking lot and toward the entrance. Finally Vanessa had snapped out of her mood and opened the car door.

“Max!”

She yelled out, running to her to catch up. Max hopped off the skateboard, turning around to see Vanessa, a smile appearing on her face.

“Hey you. Long time no see.”

Vanessa says, hugging the girl.

“Yeah, I go straight home after school, my mom and Neil freak out if I’m a minute late. How… how are you?”

Max asks, her demeanor changing. Vanessa sighs, not even sure herself of how she was having one of her bad days or one of her even worse days.

“I’m… getting through it. Slowly. I’m hoping that me coming here helps with things. Maybe we can get through this together?”

Max nods her head. Vanessa wraps her arm around Max’s shoulder and walks with her through the cemetery, talking about how school was going and how things at home were going. They reach the row Billy was located at, both of them going silent as they walked past the random headstones in the row until they reached his. It had only been a month so he didn’t have a headstone yet, only a plastic plaque that read:

“William Hargrove. November 15 1968 - March 20th, 1986.”

There were still flowers on the mound of dirt from the funeral sitting there. Vanessa’s eyes well up with tears, choking back tears as she stares at the grave. She hears Max sniffle next to her, Max taking a seat next to the top of the grave.

“We might have had our problems, and I might have told him how much of a dick he was, but him and I had good times, occasionally. I still loved and cared about him.”

Max says, looking up at Vanessa. Vanessa sits next to her, rubbing her nails up and down Max’s back comforting her.

“I know, I saw him be nice to you a few times. He cared about you, deep, deep down he did. He just had an awful way of showing it.”

She laughs softly, pulling her knees into her chest.

“It’s not fair. He knew he shouldn’t have been driving while he drank, but he did. If he hadn’t gone to the party that night he would still be here. If I would have just went with him he would still be…”

Vanessa trailed off, the lump in her throat making it hard for her to continue. She sobbed harshly, wiping her tears with the sleeves of the sweater that used to belong to Billy. Max looks at her sympathetically, tears filling her eyes as well.

“I’ve been writing about him a lot. Like about our good memories and stuff, my mom said it should help me with grieving, but I feel like it’s only making it worse. I had a flashback to the day he died. I didn’t think we would only have a short time together. I thought we still had forever. We had so much planned Max. He wanted to marry me. I told him yes, but not until we graduated. We wanted to move to New York after we had road tripped there last summer. Ugh, I’m sorry.”

Vanessa says, holding the fabric against her eyes to soak up the tears.

“At least you have those memories with him. If you ever start to miss him you can just think about all the good times you had together. Your memories of him won’t ever fade.”  

Max says, now comforting Vanessa. She nods her head at her, wiping more tears from her eyes. The girls sit in silence, the wind blowing through their hair.

“Neil has been pissed since the funeral. I can hear him yelling at my mom some nights. He’ll throw things around the living room or their bedroom, he’ll tell her that if it wasn’t for his screw up of a son that he wouldn’t have had to transfer out here and he wouldn’t be in a hole in the ground.”

Vanessa bites the inside of her cheek, trying her hardest not to get angry over what Max is telling her.

“Does he ever yell at you? Because if he does you need to tell me. I won’t let him do what he did to Billy for so many years.”

Max had no idea about Neil beating the shit out of Billy like clockwork, but that was because he would do it when Max wasn’t around. She didn’t know until she saw a huge cut on Billy’s back from his dad throwing him up against the full length mirror Billy had in his room, shards of glass breaking into his skin. Max had called Vanessa telling her to get over to their house because he was hurt. Billy finally told Max all about the abuse he had been suffering since he was 7.

“No he usually waits to blow up until I’m asleep. Or until he thinks I’m asleep. Neil boxed up Billy’s stuff the day of the funeral and he started to throw away the stuff that had to do with you and Billy.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes, she knew how much Neil disliked her even though he never said it to her face. He was nice to her face, too nice where Vanessa felt like he was coming off fake. Billy would relay the things that his dad had said about her while his dad argued with Billy about breaking up with her. The more Billy had refused the more Neil would talk negatively about her, especially about her ethnic background. Vanessa was somewhat immune to hearing it because growing up in a predominately white, republican community, with parents who were more comfortable talking in spanish than in english, she heard her fair share of comments in her lifetime.

“I managed to get a lot of the stuff out of the trash though. I have pictures, mixtapes you made him, letters you had written him. I’ve been wanting to give them to you, but I haven’t seen you.”

“Really? Thank you so much Max. I really appreciate that. How about we go into town and get a bite to eat, and I’ll drive you home?”

Max smiles softly, nodding her head. She says her goodbyes to Billy, leaving Vanessa by herself to say hers. Vanessa stands up, cleaning the dirt off herself.

“I’ll see you later mi amor. Come visit me in my dreams later please. I love you.”

The sun had started to come down by the time Max and Vanessa had gotten out of the diner. She drove along the street to Billy’s house for the first time since he had passed away. If her grip on the steering wheel wasn’t so tight she knew that her hands would be shaking at this point. She pulls up to the white house, parking in the street. It made her heart hurt that the blue Camaro wasn’t parked in its usual place. Max ran into the house to retrieve Billy’s belongings for her, Vanessa obviously not feeling comfortable enough to go in the house for more reasons that one. A minute or two later Max comes back out of the house with a small box in her hand. Vanessa gets out of her car and meets her halfway up the walkway.

“I know it’s not much that I managed to save but…”

“This is more than I thought I was ever going to get. Thank you so much Max. I’m going to head out, but if you ever need anything from me, you have my number, you know where I live, and you know that I’ll be there for you for whatever, okay?”

She gives Max a tight hug before saying bye to her and walking back to her car and driving off. The box sat in the passenger side seat on the way back to her house. Her dad greeted her once she got inside telling her that dinner was almost ready. She went up to her room and started to take things out of the box one by one. There were polaroid pictures scattered around on the bottom of the box, a few of Billy’s favorite books, 2 mixtapes she had made for him, some of his rings that were way too big to fit, but she would just keep them in her jewelry box. Max had managed to sneak in 2 of Billy’s t-shirts that still smelled like him, his cologne, and his silver lighter. Max was definitely going to get a call later thanking her for putting this stuff aside for her. She pulled out one of pictures from the bottom of the box that was of herself smelling a flower that Billy had given her for her birthday. On the white part of the picture he had scribbled “Beautiful girl, beautiful flower.” The next one she picked out was of the engagement ring he had given to her. And the last one was one that Vanessa had taken in the school parking lot. He was in his denim jacket and denim jeans, a look she was always a fan of, with his signature cigarette between his lips. “Mi corazón. December ‘85 written in her handwriting. Vanessa had a copy as well so she was glad that she now had 2. The other two made Vanessa blush because they were such intimate pictures that she was embarrassed Max had to see. She taped the pictures on the wall next to others that were already there. It was going to take a long time to forget about the love of her life, but she was glad she had some things to remember him by.

It was the first night in a month that she had actually fallen asleep without crying. She didn’t struggle at all, and she was relieved because she desperately needed it. Once she fell into a deep sleep she noticed she was in Billy’s car in the passenger seat. She looked over at him and smiled at Billy, throwing her arms around his neck, laughing and crying in disbelief. She couldn’t make out where the car was parked exactly, but she knew for sure it wasn’t Hawkins.

“Oh my god. You’re here. You’re really here.”

Vanessa wept, her hands cupping around his face, bringing their foreheads close to each other. Billy smiles and kisses her nose.

“Only for a little while babe. I came to see you because I saw you at the cemetery with Max. And I know you’ve been having a hard time letting go.”

He responds, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

“I can’t help it, I miss you. This wasn’t part of our plan, Billy. We were supposed to get out of Hawkins together, I’m not supposed to go by myself.”

Vanessa cries. Billy sighs, hugging her into his chest once again, softly shushing her.

“It’s time you move on, baby. You can’t mourn over me forever.”

“I have to go on living the rest of my life without you, without going through with the stuff we had planned for our lives. How am I supposed to do that?”

Billy touches the pendant on the necklace that used to be his resting against her chest.

“I’ll always be here for you when you’re going through a hard time. As long as you have this I’ll always be close to your heart. That’s why I gave this to you. My mom told me the same thing before she passed. You might physically go through your life without me, but I’ll always be with you. When you graduate next month, when you go off to college in New York, when you get married one day and have beautiful babies, I’ll be there watching over you.”

“It’s not the same. I don’t want anyone else. I want you. I’m not going to be able to see your face everyday, hug you, smell your cologne, hear your voice, have you annoy me everyday.”

Vanessa was full on sobbing at this point, a lump in her throat forming throughout every word she speaks. She didn’t want to let go of this moment, she wished she could stay in his arms forever because that’s where she belonged.

“Stop crying, baby girl. Look at the bright side, I’m not hurting anymore. My dad can’t hurt me anymore.”

Her body shakes with her loud hiccup. His grey shirt was soaked from her tears, she could feel his finger twirling around her hair, his other hand rubbing circles around the back of her arm.

“Why did you have to be driving so fast that night? Why did you have to be drinking?”

She asks through her cries, she picks her head up and looks into his eyes, sorrow filling them.

“I’m an idiot, that’s why. I knew I shouldn’t have been, but I thought I was good, my house was only a mile away… I didn’t see the curved road sign. I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry I put you through all this heartbreak.”

“Te amo siempre mi corazón.”

Billy smiles and kisses her lips.

“You know, I was right. My mom loves you.”

“I’m glad. I can’t wait to meet her one day. She did a good job raising you.”

Vanessa says, running her hand over Billy’s cheek.

“I’m going to go now, okay? No more crying. I’ll come by and see you every once and a while.”

Vanessa nods her head and smiles, kissing him one last time before she wakes up. She sits up in bed and touches the necklace around her neck.

“I love you Billy.”

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove headcanons #dacre Montgomery #dacre montgomery fanfic #dacre montgomery imagine #dacre montgomery headcanons #stranger things #stranger things fan fiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things headcanons #dacreoos #my imagine

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 7 - "Okay there we go. I'm caught up. Now give me my winner's edit back." - Trace

Not only did nehe go but he did NOT play his idol AND i got him to tell me where he found it. Its a long shot but if the host rehide it in the same coordinates im set. Now I just gotta make sure I dont get crucified for it.

Fuck! That just happened and it was great. Me working with Matt and Adrian was smart because they actually felt the same way I felt about Nehe. Like i really liked him but trusting him after he already backstabbed me!? Nahh. It is time to play this game.

The past two days have been the greatest days in survivor history for me and no matter what happens and even if I’m out next no one can take away my masterful Nehe blindside, my earning the trust of the people I voted against last tribal and finding an idol with my best girl Kait. Let’s keep this energy please.

I feel very fucking stupid. Have work and I am not able to talk to my tribe, I self-vote, and now I am considered inactive, rightfully so. I need to get that inactive label off my ass ASAP

Madison really is trying it. She is trying to get isolated because it's obvious there will be an advantage there. She is saying it would be nice for someone on our tribe to have it, but I don't trust her. I doubt she would let anyone know what the actual advantage is if there is one. But at the same time, people will assume she has something and that will make the target on her back so much greater. Also, it's a round of safety so no shit she wants it. I don't think I can outright say "oh no no no, i don't want you going" even though that is how I feel. I would rather send Matt because I trust him more than I trust Madison.

What's a guy gotta do to get voted into isolation? Positive or negative idc, if I'm forced into retrograde that helps my resume. Vote me Ma'an. How do these people not realize our vote doesn't matter aside from it being public, Ma'an is obviously going to vote together they have no reason not to especially with it being PUBLIC our vote is straight up how it will be perceived by people not deciding who goes to isolation.  For a bunch of smart guys they're being stupid.

It’s the next day after tribal last night. I need to talk to Stephen. We have played before and Ive been hosted by him so we have some history. We techically havent been working together but we have had some communication and we havent gone after each other. I need to talk and see if he’s willing to work with me in this game. This Moon twist is so weird and i dont know whats going to happen. We are going to all cote together and its between Cloe and Thomas. They feel that sending someone to exile gives hosts the perfect numbers to do a swap. Which would be bad but not too horrible. Just if there is I want to be in a tribe with Aidan, Madison, Matt S, Stephen, and perhaps Ian/Timmy.

- - -

It is coming close to 7 o’cock and im getting nervous to find out what happens. This moon twist could really mess things up or cause lots of trouble if person isolated gets an advantage or something.

So what people might be thinking right now is "wow Timmy is an idiot and went against his entire tribe" but with the way this game is set up WHO CARES. I haven't spoken to Madison or Chloe much so I know neither of them are going to tell me what happened in the Oasis. Madison had been pushing all day for her to go but also saying "it doesn't matter much I'll do whatever" but whenever someone tried to bring up another plan she would immediately shut it down and suggest herself. That was super sketchy to me so no way in hell was I going to be sending her there. I got to make the final decision and I am so happy about that because I got to do what I wanted, which was not send Madison. There is no real reason to stick to any tribal lines for this season since you don't go to tribal as a tribe. Yea it helps with keeping more people safe with immunity, but I've been doing a good job at that on my own. I'm very methodical with this game and everything I do has a reason that is thought out for it and this one was because Madison is sketchy and I wanted her to feel not safe because she was already basically gloating about going. She didn't need it, Chloe needed it more because she was already in danger so why not give her a break and she deserves some possible advantage. Madison didn't need it by any means, I needed it more than she did because I have been safe for so many rounds that if I go to tribal I am a threat so a little solace of a possible advantage would have been nice but I wasn't going to shove my name into the ring. I know this entire thing could be my downfall, but at the same time you have to take chances so that's what I did and I don't regret it for one second.

Basically what I was expecting happened and we had a tribe swap. Cloe is safe in isolation. Warzone is still a thing so no normal tribals yet. I want to win this immunity because i dont want to be at tribal while at disneyland. Or maybe if i am ill show u guys while im there.

me at matt and owen rn: 

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bh2G2YfIgAACSlm.jpg

Well. Hot diggity Dog huh? I’m kind of glad we swapped right before Ma’an literally imploded over who to isolate. I guess Chloe is there now which I feel bad about but I feel like I can work with her and whatever she’s got since we’ve voted together twice. I’m glad I have Madison here as an ally as well as Adrian, even tho he was giving me one word and emoji answers (suspicious!!! Emojis are never good). I hope he’s not afraid of me considering he literally spent last warzone going “I can’t believe how easily you got everyone to think Thomas was the vote you’re so good at this” like yes I am but don’t notice that! I have my idol which is nice and relieving and Kaits the only only person who knows about it, which might mean Kait may be a loose end for me. I love her to DEATH and really trust her but she kinda weirded me out during the isolation vote by being catty. If that’s how she is with that vote, does she go even harder during tribal? The thing with Kait and Owen is like they’re my best friends from high school or something. But going off to warzone with Maynor twice and Madison twice was like going to college and meeting new friends who you share insane experiences with and then go back to your high school friends and there’s a disconnect. I just hope me trying to be a friend to all doesn’t smush me in the middle. I’m not ready to be smushy.

It too me 41 minutes to do this challenge. I think i did okay but i could be totally off. I really hope i was able to get atleast enough of it correct for me to win safety. I dont really want to go to tribal but I have a decent allies that i might be safe. Matt told Kait to talk to me and we are getting along. Id be down to work with her in this game. I have to wait and see what happens with these tribal results later. I dont wanna be worrying about the vote while im in disneyland.

I only know of like, 5 of these people. Ians here thats good, Corey is here that isnt, maynor i think is good. Love the guy but he plays the game. Heres to another messy warzone! This challenge sucked.

Fuck that challenge and fuck Arianna Grande. It's f17, I am not going to throw that much of my time away on a f17 challenge, that's just asinine. If anyone thinks those challenges are fun then there is something wrong with you. I'd rather burn my idol than subject myself to the torture that challenge was. Sort your own damn screenshots.

Whale, whale, whale. New tribes and shit. I have a save vote thing that I may keep if I decide to not vote at my next tribal council. Unfortunately, if I am in the warzone tonight, (and I believe I will be due to my slow performance) I don't believe I will get this power; with only 8 of us there and Chloe joining the tribe that loses a person, I don't see myself refraining from voting. I am intrigued by the other tribe voting Madison and i assume she volunteered. I don't know what is up w Timmy and he is now the single person I have yet to speak to. Regardless, I have taken the opportunity to bond w Kait and a bit with Thomas. I need to shield my own ass in case I'm in WZ. Kait seems scared of it, understandably, and a sympathetic new boi to her is not threatening and she may see me as an asset if we end up there together. I'm thankful for Ian on my tribe as he's the only person I feel comfortable with talking game with and long-term and short-term strategy. Wish I had Matt, Devon, Adrian or Owen on my team though. Sucks that Maynor is here. BUT regardless! I am doing my best.

#survivorstarzone #episodes

[tonksiefea]

Welcome to Afterlife- Ch 1||Philinda

Summary: Specialist Melinda May is on a mission to track down and rescue a lost SHIELD team that was investigating a tribe of possible Powered People in the forests of China. She works alone, she's always been alone. Its better that way. Phil Coulson was raised in a home that admired and respected their Inhuman ancestors. At 20 he was given his birthright and became one of the healers for new Inhumans in Afterlife. When Specialist May gets put in Phil Coulson's care this change for both of them.

A/N: Sooo this is my new Prompt verse. Thank you to the always perfect and flawless @agentsphilinda for betaing cause she is perfect! This isn’t really plotted out so if you have any ideas or anything pm me I will see what I can do LOL! this part is mostly fluff with some Angst mixed in for flavor. Enjoy!

Ao3

Day One

Waking up that first night was torture. All Melinda could see around her was complete darkness. At first, she assumed she was blind. There was no light, no forms, nothing. She felt fear start to take over and took a deep breath. She needed to relax. Compartmentalize and focus on the problem at hand. She had to work through until she found a solution and then move to the next. Slowly, the darkness started to recede like water being drained from a fish tank. The blackness slowly moved down and let her see her surroundings. That didn’t help her calm down. The trees were all vivid, all the shadows between them doing nothing to obscure her vision. It was a dark night with no moon and no stars but it looked like midday to her.

That was the moment she noticed how her body felt. She felt empty, like a cold mist was swirling in her. The air felt warm even though it was a winter night and she should be freezing. She felt nauseous and wrong. She felt like she would take off flying at any moment and if she’d had anything in her stomach it would not be in there much longer. Her heart beat felt too fast but she couldn’t slow it down. It felt like the speed was normal now.

Every day since the night she’d first felt the husk take her, she had been running. She’d been fighting sleep. When she slept, she would wake up to demons that had taken her over, trying to choke the life from her. All of her guilt and her worst memories would haunt her in new, more inventive ways when she slept. Now she lived her life avoiding sleep so she could stay alive and more importantly protect others from the evil possessing her. She had never believed in curses before, they were just old Chinese fairy tales her mother told her to keep her in line. Now she did. Now she was cursed, and it was tearing her apart.

***

The last thing she remembered was that one of the men hunting her had found her. He trapped her in a room with white walls and no shadows to save her. She couldn’t move, couldn’t leave. Melinda’s eyes burned her as she prepared herself to fight but the light was making it hard to see as her eyes blurred from the white of the room. She was ready to take him out when a flash of lightning surrounded her and knocked her out.

Her eyes opened to a blurry face. A very bright blurry face. She hissed at the pain all over her body that centered most strongly in her eyes and head. “What did you do to me?” she growled through a sandpaper tongue as she blinked the face into focus. He was handsome. Bright blue eyes and dark hair. He was literally lighting up the night but unlike the sun or a bright light it didn’t burn her eyes or force her to squint or turn away. She tried to move to look around but couldn’t couldn’t. Needles were sticking out of her and she tensed, trying to get her body back. She fought the familiar panic trying to assess the best way to get out of this when the man smiled sweetly. He didn’t look like he was trying to kill her but she knew better than to trust appearances.

“Calm down, it’s okay.” He said petting her hair gently. He was so warm and soothing. Her body relaxed without her express permission. ‘60 beats per minute. Don’t let it out’ she chanted to herself mentally calming down. “You’re on a healing table. The needles will keep you paralyzed until your body can heal. You had a lot of time without treatment so there’s a lot of damage.” he explained gently. “Though you were only out for one day which is impressive.” He said almost sounding admiring like she'd managed something spectacular. She didn’t feel particularly spectacular though.

“Where am I?” She growled threateningly trying to make a plan of escape. She had to get out. She couldn’t stop for too long. Either the men would hunt her down or SHIELD would find her and she knew how people like her were treated. She wouldn’t mind indexing but she doubted they would just let her live a normal life or continue as a SHIELD agent when she could barely control her curse. Besides there was nothing to go back to now. She’d never had a team and they probably assumed she died anyway. They had for the rest of the poor SHIELD team she’d been supposed to rescue. They were now chunks of rock on the forest floor.

Phil smiled warmly at her. “This is Afterlife. Don’t worry, you’re safe.” he assured, pulling over a chair hoping that not towering over her would help her accept the situation.

“So I’m dead?” She asked simply. Well that was a bit of a relief. “This isn’t how I imagined hell but it’ll do.” She added. She supposed hell made sense.

He laughed “No! Not dead. It has to do with rebirth and the real name is Chinese, I can’t pronounce it.” He admitted. “We do need to get your body adjusted to your new state though! And we need to find out your gift.” He said smirking “It’ll be fun!” He promised. She didn’t have a gift but she knew exactly what her curse was.

Melinda turned her face away from him. “I don’t think I am what you think I am.” She said simply.

Phil smirked “I think we both know exactly what you are. Once I have you healed you can choose whether you accept that or not. For now, I’m going to let the needles do their work and maybe get you something to eat for when we take them out, okay?” He asked brightly standing up and walking away.

Day Three

The needles had been removed from Melinda shortly after she’d woken up. They hadn’t let her leave the room yet. Day two some random person had delivered her food and stared at her meditating for a few hours before leaving her alone. She figured they also had surveillance cameras on her or something but she was intent on ignoring her curse hoping that in time it’d disappear.

The sun was too bright and hot after what she’d been through, so she started trying to sleep during the day and stay awake at night but really sleeping at all was hard for her. Especially when she was trying to hide her curse. She has spent too many nights waking up to a shadow choking her. She couldn’t deal with that risk. Besides, the day long nap they had given her helped, she almost wasn’t exhausted anymore.

“I heard you didn’t behave very well while I was gone.” Phil teased walking in the door with some sort of to go food container in his hands.

“What do you mean?” Melinda asked honestly confused but oddly glad to see him back.

He smirked and sat down across from her at the tiny table. “You didn’t say a single thing to the person who came in yesterday.” He explained pointedly.

Melinda raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “He didn’t say anything to me either.” She pointed out taking a small bite of the salad. “And I did say thank you.” She added munching.

“Two words? That’s it? He said you kept glaring at him!” He teased shaking his head. He knew this would get them no where, she was terribly stubborn but she talked to him. He didn’t exactly know why she talked to him but he was grateful she did. He was starting to really enjoy that she did talk to him. So far she was interesting. A puzzle, and he loved puzzles. “Ready to tell us what your gift is yet?” He asked smirking eating his soup with her.

Melinda shook her head with a straight face and eyebrows raised. “I don’t have a gift. I’ve told you that.” She said simply. She intended to insist she had no gifts until they let it go or until she lost them, one of the two. It wasn’t a lie either. She didn’t have a gift. She had a curse.

“Everyone who has survived the mist has a gift.” he insisted smirking. “I’m positive that your must be pretty spectacular and keeping it inside could really cause a lot of damage. You need to stop fighting it Melinda.” he insisted and started fully checking her over.

“There’s a first for everything.” She countered stubbornly but let him check her over and take her vitals. He didn’t understand why she was being so frustrating! Not even just about not showing her gift! He wouldn’t mind so much if he was sure she wasn’t hurting herself to keep it in but he could tell she wasn’t sleeping. “What makes you think it will be great anyway? I could end up being a monster.” She pointed out.

“You won’t be a monster I’m sure of that. The only thing monstrous about you is how stubborn you are!” He insisted. She was insanely stubborn. “Speaking of, I can heal a lot of things with my gift but lack of sleep isn’t one of them. If you don’t sleep soon I’m going to have to use the needles again.” He explained. It wasn’t a threat, more like a warning label. ‘Caution contents may be hot.’ ‘Caution you hurt yourself I’m going to fix it.’ He wanted her healthy even if she didn’t want to be.

She rolled her eyes. “Yes Doctor.” She groaned with a hint of petulence. She was cute when he was annoying her.

“Good. And maybe if you behave you’ll get a treat.” He joked smirking at her. As soon as he said it his mind started thinking of possible things he could get her to lift her spirits. He had no idea how that sounded.

Melinda got a mischievous look and slowly raked her eyes over him. “I like treats. Are you the one giving them?” She flirted, the innuendo was clear. It was more to throw him off than anything. He was cute-- sexy really if she were honest, and she would absolutely take a ‘treat’ from him. It was a terrible idea though and if she had any intention of getting out of here and getting rid of this curse she couldn’t get attached to him.

Phil’s face went bright red and he sputtered a bit shocked by her forwardness and then huffed. “You just love messing with me don’t you?” he insisted firmly and she chuckled at him nodding. “Well fine then. Just for that I rescind my offer for teats. And they were going to be really good treats too! I was even thinking ice cream.” he pouted.

She smirked at him and shook her head. “That’s quite a loss.” She said sarcastically and just a little amused. God he was cute when he was flustered. She’d have to do that to him so much more often.

He nodded firmly. “It really is. Who doesn’t like ice cream?!” He flailed.  “Now if you want them you have to earn them back! In fact, if you haven’t slept in tomorrow I’m going to--” He thought for a moment and smirked “I’m going to slip you sleeping meds and Bongo and take pictures.” He threatened. He could picture it now. She would be adorable like that.

Melinda raised her eyebrows looking completely incredulous. “Bongo?” she asked flatly.

“Yep, he’s my stuffed kangaroo.” He said brightly. Everything about that sentence made her burst out laughing. He was so adorable, how did this man even exist? Not to mention he literally glowed in the dark. What was that?

“Of course he is.” She muttered under her breath and calmed down “I’ll try to sleep.” She assured shaking her head still chuckling slightly. She had a cute laugh. He really liked when she laughed and when she smiled. It was rare. It was another piece of that puzzle. “So are you going to send in the silent babysitter again when I finish lunch? I’m sure you have better things to do.” she said poking at the last leafs of her salad. Phil smirked and shook his head. “Nope, you’re stuck with me for the rest of the day. I thought we’d play board games. I have boggle!” he said brightly.

Melinda smiled genuinely for the first time in what felt like too long and shook her head. “You’re on.” She said utterly amused and enchanted, not that she’d let him see that. If he was honest with himself he didn’t want to leave her. Which could end very badly.

Day Eight

Melinda actually felt good today. She’d slept most of the night and hadn’t woken to a shadow trying to choke her or the now familiar feeling of overwhelming guilt. She was pretty sure Phil had slipped her sleeping pills without her knowing, she’d never thank him for it but it was a nice day. It was a rare blessing to wake up without fear or guilt. She was up doing Tai Chi when Phil stormed in. He did not seem nearly as happy with his day.

Phil tossed her lunch on the tiny table and huffed. “How have you officially scared away every healer in Afterlife except me?!” He asked incredulous and annoyed. She smirked at that. She liked him annoyed. He was cute when annoyed.

Melinda smiled just slightly moving through her motions. She stayed silent concentrating on breathing and keeping her heart rate down. She knew if she looked at him she’d probably break out laughing with how annoyed he looked. She’d seen his annoyed face when she kicked his ass in whatever board game they played, it was a daily thing for her. It was the same face she’d gotten when talking him out of Monopoly because that was a bad idea. It had ended as a good day though. They had shared stories about their lives, not big ones just little ones. He talked about his dad and the car they’d worked on. She’d told him about her ex husband and how annoying it was being married to a shrink.

“Seriously Melinda, it’s like you’ve gone out of your way to make it impossible for us to find someone that likes you that isn’t me!” He insisted. “At this rate we’ll never find a guide for you! Without a guide how will you learn to use your gift, huh? Insane stubbornness?” He ranted.

At that she did pop open an eye and look to him. “I told you, I don’t have a gift! I don’t need a guide and the sooner you believe me the sooner we can move on.” She pointed out simply and moved through the last motions ending her routine.

“Of course you have a gift Melinda.” He huffed exasperated by her. “I can see the affects on your body! Holding it back is hurting you!” He said frustrated “You get no sleep and push yourself too hard and you nearly overheated yesterday!” He growled

“It was a hot day yesterday.” she shrugged.

“It was Eighty Two degrees fahrenheit yesterday and in this room it was seventy two. For me that’s freezing! To an average human that’s at least cool!” He pointed out nearly as stubbornly as she usually was. “If you didn’t run so cold all the time I would think that your gift was just to be extremely frustrating and scare everyone to death!” He ranted some more running a hand through his short thinning hair.

Melinda scoffed “You’re right. That’s it. I’m the boogey man.” she said flatly. “Boo.” She added just for effect. His face was red and he was so upset and God he looked cute like that. All frustrated and flustered.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I get it. You’re afraid of your gift.” he said gently. “I was too when I first got mine.” He offered gently.

She quired a disbelieving brow at him. “You can heal people by touching them and glowing a little.” How could he be afraid of something like that. It wasn’t like hers. It wasn’t evil.

He smirked “That took time and training.” He walked towards her and sat in his normal chair. “And a guide.” He added pointedly at her smirking a bit. “When I first came out of terragenesis I had blinding light and I was so hot I burned anyone I touched.” he said honestly looking up at her.

She thought for a moment wondering how the soft hearted and gentle man she knew could deal with ever hurting anyone. He had a hot temper at times and she could see he wasn’t harmless, but she had trouble seeing him as anything imposing. “I’m sorry.” She said putting her hand on his arm gently and ignoring how hot it was.

Normally his hands were pleasant but lately her body had been so warm it wasn’t nice to feel his heat but she needed to let him know she was there. She knew he didn’t care past being a healer but she had warmed to him since she met him, she trusted him. Trust was a rare commodity for her. Maybe it was the fact that he was so warm and seemed so honest and cared so deeply. He was her total opposite but he didn’t shy away from her.

He smirked “It’s ok. It was a long time ago at this point. I’ve worked to make up for that every day.” He added. “But hiding your gift won’t help you control it, it will just hurt you, like you’re doing right now!” He insisted wanting nothing more than to get her to accept who she was now. “Maybe not in front of me, but you can’t keep turning your gift in on yourself, it’s hurting you.” He insisted seriously. “And I hate seeing you hurt.” he added honestly. He was growing so close to her. How had it only been a week since she’d woken up? She frustrated the hell out of him but he felt balanced when he was around her. Maybe he was reading too much into it but it was like she reminded him where the ground was.

She smirked and nodded. “I’ll try.” She agreed and looked to her lunch in his arms. “Can we have lunch now?” She asked smirking just a slight tease.

Phil looked confused for a moment then realized he was still hoarding her lunch. He quickly pushed the bag over to her. “Sorry I forgot I’m your only source of food.” He paused and smirked remembering where the conversation had started. “Cause you chased off all the other ones. Is that why you keep me around? For my food?” He joked smirking. She wasn’t about to tell him that she got food from other people. They would leave breakfast and dinner at the door and a few days when he was running late they put down a lunch out too but she had ignored that, preferring to wait for him to bring it. He was the best part of her day. She wasn’t about to stop that.

Melinda shrugged smirking slightly “A girl’s gotta eat.” She said simply taking a bite of her cold soup. “I was thinking maybe we should play poker today. I bet you have a great poker face.” She smirked.

He laughed warmly. “You’re on! I’m going to rob you blind.” He challenged. He didn’t. They didn’t play for money. Even if they had she would have won by a landslide. She was tempted to play strip poker with him now, though.

Day Fourteen

Phil was utterly drained today. The entire day he’d dealt with fighting off people who thought that Melinda should be punished for going through the mist ahead of schedule. It was a big hubbub outside and had been from the start, but today was particularly awful. Someone had informed one of the parents of Afterlife that his son, who had been slotted for the next round of mist, had been postponed until Melinda was cared for and integrated properly. He was glad Melinda was safe in her room, he didn’t want to think of what some people would do if they got their hands on her. He didn’t like thinking about her ever getting truly hurt.

Talking to her every day was quickly becoming his favorite thing to do. He’d never connected with a patient quite this much, or worried about anyone quite this much. She was amazing. Incredibly strong, she could fight anything. She was also so horribly stubborn he wanted to beat his head against a wall sometimes but she was funny and could make him laugh like no one before ever could.

He didn’t know exactly what her gift was or how she’d done it but at one point she’d managed to sneak out of her room, and come back a few moments later in the same spot. After they’d seen that on film, they still had no clue what her gift was, except maybe invisibility or teleportation, but she had been cooler the next day and that was all he cared about. It’d happened a few times since then and while she still wasn’t sleeping he was glad to have her at least not overheating anymore.

She was meditating in a shadowed part of her room when he walked in, something he’d noticed she liked doing. When that happened he would usually sit at the table and wait until she was finished and finally noticed him. So he set down the veggie burgers he’d gotten for them and waited. His eyes roamed over her face as she meditated. “I can feel you staring.” She murmured with minimum movement.

He blushed being caught without her even opening her eyes. How did she even do that? It should be impossible, but then they lived in impossible. Or maybe it was just that she was impossible. “Sorry. You’re interesting.” He said and looked down at the table. She let out a huff of a laugh and went back to it. He’d look up every once in awhile but tried not to stare like he had been. It mostly worked.

Suddenly there was a huge thump against the wall of her room and a loud bang. Phil jumped up looking to her ready to defend her and she was gone. “Melinda?” He asked panicking. “Where are you? Melinda!” He shouted and she walked out of the shadows nearest him on the other side of the room from where she’d been. “Thank god!” He breathed and ran to her. “Are you alright?” He asked looking her over.

She nodded “I’m fine. What’s going on?” She asked pulling away from him. She was colder to the touch and he realised that was her power. So it was teleportation! She was amazing!

He shrugged. “I don’t know.” He admitted and they heard shouting from outside the room.

“SHE JUMPED THE LINE AND BECAUSE OF HER MY SON LOST HIS BIRTHRIGHT!” A male voice screamed. Well that wasn’t good. “THAT SHOULD BE MY SON IN THERE NOT SOME OUTSIDER! SHE ISN’T ONE OF US! SHE DOESN’T RESPECT THE TRADITIONS OF THE LINEAGE!” the voice raged. “SHE’S A THREAT TO ALL OF US!” The voice sounded again and few other voices resounded with an agreeing “Yeah!”.

Flashes of her life flooded Melinda’s mind. Dark times: leaving Andrew, killing her first mark, seeing the SHIELD team she’d been sent to save, inhuman-shaped pieces of husk. So many terrible things, all the worst things she’d done. Then there was Bahrain. The little girl with powers she had killed. She’d had to stay strong after it. She had no shoulder to cry on. That little girl’s face had invaded her mind and taken her over even after she’d put her down. Andrew had tried but there was nothing he could do. There wasn’t anything left of Melinda to save.

Phil watched her panic not sure what to do. He wanted to go outside and tell everyone to shut the fuck up about the woman he’d spent the last few days with. He couldn’t just leave her to her mind and her demons though. He stepped closer but the shadows around her seemed to be moving. They were becoming solid, growing and pulsing like they were alive and waiting to devour her. The darkness from where a wall was blocking the sun turned into a pitch black ooze swirling around her. “Melinda?” He asked gently trying to pull her out of whatever was going on.

Melinda opened her eyes trying to calm her breathing and keep herself stable but it wasn’t working. Her heartbeat was skyrocketing and she had nothing to channel her emotions into. She couldn’t use them, there was no enemy to fight but herself. She was freezing, her teeth were literally chattering as all of her body’s energy left to create the shadows attacking her.

Phil could feel the chill rolling off of Melinda and her shadows. It wasn’t that she could teleport, she could control the shadows, melt into them and move through them. She was his polar opposite. He was amazed and terrified watching the woman before him, someone who was usually so strong and tall, stand there so scared and alone and fragile. He didn’t know how to save her.

Out of the shadows stepped a figure. A small girl shape barely four foot tall with her hand reached out. Phil watched in horror as the figure walked towards Melinda and Melinda’s eyes went huge with recognition.

Melinda was terrified and shaking watching Katya walk towards her. The shadows didn’t make a sound but they didn’t have to. She could still hear the little girl’s voice in her mind saying Melinda would be her new mother and that she wanted pain. Pain. Melinda was now just like that little girl, she was a monster. She was a threat that needed to be taken out.

Both watched frozen in place as the small shadow child reached up and started to choke Melinda. She fell to her knees unable to fight her curse and her lips started to turn blue from the lack of oxygen and her body’s overuse of the curse she’d been pushing back so hard. This had been building and now that it was out it wasn’t letting her go.

“Melinda!” Phil shouted once she was on the ground. On instinct his hand shot out a beam of blinding white light at the shadow girl, disintegrating her. He ran over to Melinda and fell to his knees in front of her and pulling her into his arms petting her hair gently. “Shh, It’s ok. You’re safe now. I’m here.” He said gently opening his hand not in her hair and letting a light shine in the shadows making them soothe back into their places. The moving looked less intimidating now, more like a dance around them and less like a pulsing predator.

“I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t. It was her or us. I had to get them out. I couldn’t save her.” Melinda sobbed letting out all the guilt and pain she’d used just to keep functioning day by day for the past eight years.

Phil rubbed her back holding her. He didn’t understand a word she was saying, not really. He just knew he had to make it better so he said what he thought she needed to hear. “It’s okay. You need to let the girl go, Melinda.” He assured. “It’s time. Let the girl go.” He said gently into her hair. Holding her and rocking her. She was freezing but it felt good against his heated skin. They were hot and cold, light and shadow, perfect compliments to each other. His warmth stopped her shivering leaving only the silent tears and wracking sobs behind.

They sat there for minutes of silence, him holding her and rocking her. Her silently crying into his chest and desperately trying to calm down. He was almost certain she’d fallen asleep after a while. She was back to a normal temperature for her, which was pleasantly cool instead of an icy frozen like she had been when he’d first pulled her close.

He was about to pull away to take her to the bed when she broke the silence. “They’re right. I shouldn’t be here.” She said simply. That made him tense. There was still yelling outside of her room but it was much quieter now. He’d honestly stopped noticing for awhile, too concentrated on her to notice anything else.

The situation out there was being handled by guards and possibly Jiaying herself. Inside it was their own little world. Just the two of them.  The thought of her leaving that world shattered him. He’d only known her two weeks but he couldn’t imagine a day when he didn’t walk in and talk to her for hours. He hated the thought of her not being there to laugh at his history jokes and beat him at the boardgame of the day.

“No they’re not.” He said firmly holding her tighter. “You do belong here. You are one of us. So you weren’t raised as one, you belong here.” He said firmly.

“I don’t belong anywhere, Phil.” She said pulling away from his arms to look him in the eyes. “You’ve seen what I can do! I can’t control it. I don’t want to control it. I want it gone. I want to be an agent again! I want my life back.” She said firmly. “I want to be in control of myself and not have this--- whatever it is inside of me making me a danger to anyone around me!” She nearly shouted. She hadn’t had anything or anyone to fight in weeks. She hadn’t had anything to put her emotions into and she was bubbling. “I’ve killed people, while I was sleeping! I’m so dangerous I can’t even sleep without hurting someone! That’s how I got here.” She pushed.

Phil let her yell at him his hands loose around her waist and hers still on his biceps. He was keeping her warm. He wasn’t like the sun, he didn’t burn her or hurt her eyes. She didn’t hate his light. He was just warm, pleasantly so, and bright. She was keeping him cool, not burning or nippy like the night or winter, just cool. “You didn’t hurt me. You hurt yourself.” He pointed out. “Melinda you’re keeping this inside of you and thinking it’s a curse, like your life is over, it’s not!” He said gently. “It’s just starting. You can control it. You keep thinking of all the bad things you can do with this, but think of all the good.” He pointed out.

She scoffed. “What good?” She challenged looking him in the eyes looking utterly hopeless. He drew his hand from her arms to her cheek.

“You could bring much needed shade to people working in the sun when they get overheated. You could hide people from danger in the shadows. Who knows what all of your gift could be.” He said gently. “If you let me help you we can train it and you can help people. Our gifts fill a need in the people, ones we may not even know exist. Everyone has what they have for a reason.” He said gently stroking his thumb over her cheek. “Let me help you find yours.” He nearly begged at a whisper. He wanted to make her stay. He wanted to help her. He wanted to keep her with him always.

Melinda leaned into the heated touch and sighed thinking. Her cool hand come to loop over his wrist still not able to bring herself to hold someone’s hand. Especially since he was an Inhuman and she had Inhuman blood on her hands. “I won’t trust anyone but you.” She said firmly. If this was going to work she didn’t want a different guide. She wanted him, only him.

Melinda wasn’t ready to make friends, she’d never really had a friend before. She’d had boyfriends and teammates but she didn’t connect well. She had working relationships: People like Maria and Natasha and Bobbie who she admired and who admired her and they understood each other. She’d always been so quiet though and she’d never found someone to help her bridge the gap and make strong relationship bonds. It made her envy Natasha and Clint all the time, even Bobbie and Hunter, as messy as their relationship was. They always had each other. She thought maybe Phil could be that for her, he made her want to try.

“You won’t have to. The council already assumed I’d be your guide. I’ll help you through it. Especially now that we know I can help you keep control.” He assured “It’ll be you and me.” He assured and she nodded and moved quietly back into his arms and he felt like he could breathe again. She wasn’t leaving now. She was staying and this felt permanent, like he really wouldn’t lose her. “So… Shadows huh?” He asked amused.

“Yep.” She said simply smirking slightly at the playful tone in his voice.

“So we really are opposites?” He asked smiling at the tone she’d given back to him. This felt comfortable. This was what they had built over the last two weeks.

“I did say that.” She reminded.

“Well yeah but I didn’t think you meant with our gifts too. That would have been so much easier to figure out.” He insisted. “It’s so cool. You’re shadows are amazing!” He gushed. “You know until they try to kill you. But you can teleport with them!” He said like an excited kid.

“Only over short distances.” She explained trying to get him a little less excited. He was going to go overboard with this she could just feel it.

“Well yeah for now! But think of how cool this could be!  You can do so much with that! Think of the pranks alone you could pull!” He said smirking.

That perked Melinda’s attention. “Did you have something in mind?” She asked smirking. With him there, maybe hell wasn’t quite so bad. Not if she had him by her side. Light in the darkness sort of thing.

#Philinda #phil coulson #melinda may #Philinda Fanfiction #inhumans #Agents of SHIELD #AOS Fic

[smolgaysnake]

ftwd; tell me you had bad dreams last night

ftwd, alicia-centric, no apocalypse

tw for depression and attempted suicide

When Alicia was ten, she declared herself too old for baths. She has vague memories of before then. She tries to hold on to the ones of her father the longest: his smile, the way he read to her before bed and let her sneak out to the living room to sleep on the couch while he watched old sitcom reruns. She still has a sense memory to the Fraiser theme song, his aftershave and the rumble of his laugh, how it felt to be scooped up gentle and carried to her princess bed, lilac sheets and stuffed bear.

But she remembers Nick being in charge of her baths, his grumbling fading to little grins when she screws up her face against the soap and how he shielded her eyes with one careful hand while pouring water from the cheap plastic cup over her hair.

‘Quit squirming,’ he says, sitting crosslegged behind her on her bed and working a comb through her wavy wet curls.

‘Like this,’ he says, tongue between his teeth and printed out instructions crumpled on the sheets next to them, and teaches her how to braid.

++

Alicia remembers, clearly, the day Nick left for school and she had to stay at the childcare center. She sat on the floor of her room and screamed and refused to eat and when the aid picked her up she went limp, that deadweight slump kids understand instinctively.

Madison has to leave work early to get her and she’s furious with Alicia all the way home. When Nick gets home she’s not allowed to play with him and is sent to bed without dinner. Madison tells her she’s not allowed dessert for a week and that Nick is doing big kid things, like learning how to read, and can’t have distractions.

Nick sneaks in after Madison’s gone to bed and wakes Alicia up to gives her two handfuls of honey nut cheerios. They eat them together under the bed, lying on their bellies and whisper giggling.

Alicia goes to daycare and sighs really long in the car and monotones her apology to the workers and accepts no swings for the next two days as consequences for her actions. During freeplay she goes to the shelf with the bright colored covers and looks for a book with words. She sits against the wall and glares at the book and just knows if she can learn how to read she can go to big kid school with Nicky.

++

In the summer they vacation with the cousins on her father’s side. It’s her mother’s concession to keeping in touch--sometimes they get christmas gifts from her paternal grandparents but it’s always something a little off: clothes that are too small or video cassettes they’re not interested in. Alicia doesn’t mind her cousins--she’s the youngest and they mostly leave her alone, but Nick adores them. Older by several years and running wild throughout their suburb and the surrounding hills. Alicia doesn’t like the way they smell like smoke but she’s bored and Nick ignores her when they’re with older kids and a few of her girl cousins take her shopping and buy her headbands and tell her she’s gorgeous. They pierce her ears and hold her hand when she cries and give her blouses and body glitter, and in the woods under the moon, wine coolers and peppermint schnapps.

She throws up the next morning and they laugh but it’s good natured, accepting. She tries a puff of their cigarette and pulls a face and likes the way she looks in the mirror, eyeshadow and curled lashes and metal glinting in her ears. She waits two weeks for Madison to comment but she never does.

++

Alicia gets straight As. She used to show her mother her report cards but stopped for some reason, she can’t remember. She leaves them on the kitchen counter with the rest of the mail and Nick finds them, pins them to the refrigerator with bright magnets and tries to get her something sweet for after dinner, her favorite candy or an ice cream bar.

In the summer Alicia signs herself up for summer courses and Madison greets the idea enthusiastically, praising her while she writes the check. Alicia doesn’t smile back. She thinks her mother is more excited about having Alicia out of the house and out of the way more than her mother is excited about her academic prowess. Nick is off to summer camp with his friends and Madison is going on a cruise with her new boyfriend.

Her cousin comes over to check on her every so often, the one that pierced her ears, and they watch romcoms and do each other’s nails and sleep in the living room. When Alicia comes home with straight As her cousin cheers and cracks a bottle of vodka to celebrate. Alicia throws up in the bushes outside her bedroom window and burns her fingertips lighting a cigarette.

++

Alicia doesn’t bother bringing home the mandatory forms for Madison to sign. She’s been forging Madison’s signature since grade school, and the sex drug safety unit is no different. She scrawls her mothers name and turns it in to her bio teacher and settles in for the easiest unit of the year. Every year they watch the same video about uteruses and periods and body hair and every year their teacher tells them to ask their parents any additional questions. When Alicia turned thirteen tampons appeared in the bathroom she and Nick share as if by magic and her mother pinned a calendar on the wall of her bedroom, without a word.

This year they do drugs and alcohol in more detail. The cart with the television and the VCR unit is rolled in, the teacher muttering about the squeaky wheel, and watch a video with a man in a cheap suit who tells them that drinking alcohol kills. Alicia frowns. She remembers summer nights, balmy dipping to chilly around a fire with marshmallows and jello shots and her cousins’ easy acceptance, the way they listened to her and let her play games with them and drink vodka in the woods under the stars. Lies, she thinks, just how she started to think when Madison says she loves her. All lies.

++

Her sophomore year she’s awarded a certificate for academic excellence. The other children’s parents come and she scans the crowd for Nick but he’s not there. She shakes the principals name and he tells her she’s doing so well, what a shame about that brother of hers, he hopes her mother is holding up well.

She goes home and no one is there. She throws the certificate away and searches Nick’s room until she finds a joint. She smokes it on the roof and ignores her phone buzzing next to her; her mother says she’s driving Nick to another facility. Her mother says it will work this time. Her mother says she wants to stay close to Nick during this time of recovery. her mother says not to expect her back for three days.

++

Alicia stops going to school her junior year. She wakes up one morning to her alarm and thinks: why? Her work is done and her bag is packed neatly by the door and she has the double block of English today, her favourite class, but instead she just rolls over and falls back asleep.

She watches twelve seasons of Greys Anatomy in a week and plays tetris until her wrist hurts. Every night the registrar calls and leaves a message on the answering machine and Alicia listens to it absently while she picks at her dinner and Madison taps away at her phone.

++

When Alicia was ten she decided she was too old for bathtubs. Madison clucked and scolded but Nick printed out pictures of Berkeley dorm rooms at the library, ten cents a printout, and pins them to the corkboard in her room. No bathtubs at Berkeley. Her cousin mailed her a pennant and Nick hefted her up on his shoulder and she tacked it to her wall and Madison scowled because they ruined the paint but she loved it. She looked at it every day while she dressed for school and every day she could hear her mother crying over her father, and then over Nick, and the days Madison didn’t get out of bed, and the days she could hear Nick throwing up in the bathroom across the hallway and the days she woke up all alone.

++

Sometimes she and Chris do homework together. She tells him he’s better at maths than her but they both know it’s a lie. It’s still nice, taking little breaks to lean over and help him with a problem or prompt him gently on a question he’s stuck on. He’s reading the same book she read last year and they argue about it on the roof, passing a cigarette back and forth and letting their voices get loud and passionate.

++

Nick comes home and looks at her over the breakfast her mother made them all get up early to eat: french toast, pancakes, bacon, eggs three different ways, sausage links and hot rolls. He’s almost squinting at her and she’s unsettled, shaken. She doesn’t miss a class for the full week he’s home, and it’s good. She does her homework in the living room and he sits next to her and eats cereal with his mouth open while he watches television. He says he’s gonna register for community college. He jokes he’ll need her to tutor him and laughs when she hits him with the throw pillow.

There’s someone there to roll their eyes with her at Madison during meals and he lays across her bed late at night and they talk about the novels she’s reading in AP English. He gestures with his hands when he talks, long fingers and slender wristed, his voice rasping thoughtful and almost sleepy. Alicia has always thought he was the smartest person she’d ever met.

She comes home and his smile is loose and his hands restless, crawling across the tablecloth. His eyes are crinkled up at the corners and he blinks too slow and she watches Madison ignore all of it and burns a little, in her chest beside her heart.

++

Alicia finds a bottle of pills under his mattress and locks the door of her bedroom. She lines them up in rows, four by four and then six by six. She touches the bump of them, licks the bitter white residue from her fingerpad and pulls a face. She puts them all back in the bottle and takes the drawer out of her desk to tape them underneath.

++

Chris buys her a notebook. It’s exactly the kind she likes, down to the thickness and the gloss and she doesn’t think anyone else in the world has ever noticed a thing about her. She bursts into tears and he almost falls over himself giving her the gift receipt. She kisses his cheek instead and he flushes bright and bashful. He doesn’t stop smiling the entire day.

++

Do you remember, Alicia writes, almost absentmindedly, do you remember when we sat on the front steps and you showed me how to peel a grapefruit and we ate it bitter and raw under the sun? I think I was happy, then.

++

Alicia goes to school and is pulled aside by a counselor. He calls her Alison by mistake and lays out her records and notes from her teachers. He says they’re scheduling a meeting with her mother and she laughs before she can swallow it back down. He offers to arrange weekly visits to his office during homeroom and says he’s sure they can come with a plan for her to graduate on time. Alicia stares at the floor and shrugs until he lets her leave.

She goes home and looks through her old papers, meticulously kept in binders and in shoeboxes under the bed. She used to want to be a doctor. She used to want to be a teacher. She used to get straight As and Nick used to play cards with her on the living room floor and always let her win.

++

When Alicia was ten she decided she was too old for baths. She was right, she thinks, as she settles in. She’s too tall now, her knees too gangly. The porcelain is cold and uncomfortable under her head. She’s wearing shorts and she watches the goosebumps prickle on her legs, the prickle of stubble where she missed a spot shaving. She lines the pills up on her knees and they’re chalky going down. Bitter on the back of her tongue but she figures that won’t last long.

++

Nick is holding her in a bridal carry and that’s not right. She remembers being carried from the car and the couch and he always held her gently against his front like a child. She tries to tell him it’s not right and when he tells her to shut up he sounds like he’s crying, not like he’s angry. He forces a finger down her throat and she’s too weak to shove him away. Her throat burns and she thinks there’s vomit on her shirt and he holds her under the spray even when she cries and begs him and says it’s too cold.

++

Madison comes once and cries a lot and says she’s sorry and that it’s so hard and Alicia is still a little out of it and the crook of her elbow hurts from where they put the IV in and she pretends to be asleep until Madison leaves.

All her meals come without utensils and there’s no mirror in the bathroom. A nurse stands outside and watches her when she has to pee. a girl on her floor pries the staples out of her chart and swallows them so a nurse comes and take the books away.

Nick doesn’t visit. Sometimes she wakes up and her hand is by her side, the palm upturned and the fingers faintly curled. The air smells like him and the chair is in a different position than it was when she fell asleep.

++

Chris comes and won’t look at her. His eyes look red rimmed and hesitant and he reads her little bits from books he brings from her bookshelves. He touches her wrist gently before he leaves and tells her to get better soon. He says he’ll try to visit again but he’s being sent back to his mom for a while.

++

Alicia’s nurse is businesslike and she looks apologetic when she says that no one has come to visit her on her eighteenth birthday. She shakes out a pair of sweats and says they had them lying around but Alicia sees the tags from the shop in the lobby. When she dresses there’s twenty bucks stuffed into the right pocket, two fives and a ten. She signs her own release forms and doesn’t take the pamphlets the receptionist offers with lists of resources.

++

Alicia takes a taxi home and no one is there. She makes herself a sandwich and giggles at the knife block, imagining the nurse’s face to see her now. She eats it on the couch and drips jelly on the cushions while watching Judge Judy.

The door slams open and she jumps. Nick is crazy eyed, hair windswept, panting like he’s run a long way. He sees her and crosses the room in a blink. He holds her for a long time and ridiculously, she feels herself start to cry.

++

Nick is mad at her. His jaw is tight and he sleeps on the floor of her room and when she gets up to use the bathroom he sits up and stares until she comes back. When she showers he sits on the toilet with his arms crossed. She wakes up once at three in the morning and he’s kneeling at her side by the bed, hunched over, his shoulders shaking.

“I’m sorry,” she finally tells him, sitting at the breakfast table and picking at rye toast. “I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Then he slides the poached egg from his plate to hers. He disappears around lunch for the first time and Alicia is at a loss, alone-time an unfamiliar feeling. He comes back with a stack of textbooks and paper packets.

“I signed you up for summer school.” He tosses another packet. “And to dual enroll in community college.”

Alicia frowns. She opens her mouth and stops. “Okay,” she says. She takes a four hour nap and leaves the books in a pile on her desk. She rips up the summer school papers and throws them into the recycling bin.

++

Chris pokes his head into her room and says he’s drawn her a bath. He smells faintly of lavender. “I’m too old for baths,” she tells him, and he shrugs. 

He leaves the door open behind him and she knows she’s imagining the smell of oils and soft drift of steam but they prickle at her until she goes into the bathroom and slips under the water. Just on the side of too hot and sweat prickles on her hairline. She follows it up with a cold shower and drifts out of the bathroom to Chris’s room. She’s drowsy and he’s at his desk, book in his lap, staring at her. She curls up on under his blanket and after a moment she feels him gently lift her head and slide his pillow underneath.

++

Alicia takes the GED and scores nearly perfect. Chris lies and says he wants to take it too and helped her study, quizzing her out of the back of the prep book he bought second hand. She enrolls in community college and meets with a counselor and doesn’t feel one way or the other about it so she goes to her first class.

She’d forgotten how much she likes school.

++

“This is my fault,” Nick tells her. “You think I don’t know that?”

Alicia is stirring red sauce at the stovetop. She’s trying to remember if there’s canned mushrooms in the pantry. “Not everything,” she says, “is about you.”

++

Chris comes with her to the bookstore and helps her find her textbooks and finds a keychain in the bargain bin in the student union shop. He clips his car keys to it, his mother’s old car, and they drive long and windy to lay on the beach in the sun. She burns and he doesn’t and they walk in the surf up to their calves until the sun goes down and Nick starts calling both their mobiles.

++

Alicia wakes with a start and Nick is sitting on the edge of her bed. His head is in his hands, a slip of folded paper between his fingers, worn and creased. “I don’t know,” he says, and his voice cracks in the middle. “I don’t know,” he admits. She waits for a long time. 

She touches his thigh. “It’s okay,” she says, and he crumples into her slow and then all at once; they clutch at each other like children. 

“I remember,” he says quiet, when it’s gone dark dark outside and everything is soft and muted. It’s raining, distantly, water pinging on the roof. “I remember eating grapefruit on the front steps.”

“Me too,” Alicia says. She waits for him to say something else but she falls asleep first. She thinks that’s okay, though. She can ask him about it in the morning.

#alyramble #tw suicide attempt #ftwd #no specific pairing