#heartache tag

[ziracona]

I can’t include them all so here’s a combo of ‘came to mind first,’ ‘talked about positively most often by fans,’ and ‘stuck in my head’.

Public Apology Big Iron isn’t here. There were a lot that didn’t make the cut but that one specifically I stg I put in and only realized after posting had not. It was 100% meant to be on this list and I’ve failed us.

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fallout 4 #fallout 76 #tumblr polls #I know I Don’t Want to Set the World on Fire should be here bc it was a trailer song but I don’t really like it so Heartaches by the Number #made it instead I’m sorry ✊😔 #I FORGOT BIG IRON. that’s a sincere mistake I stg it was 2 on the list SHIT #why are you people so agreassive??? it’s not a ‘best fo song’ poll it’s not even a ‘favorite fo song’ poll it’s literally just a ‘pick a #song and hit a button fun time??? stop yelling in the tags about songs that aren’t there there are 12 slots on a poll I don’t control this #make your own stupid post and get rocks thrown at /you/ for only having 12 songs. also some of you can’t read ‘why isn’t X on’ IT IS!!! some #of the ones you’re complaining about are ThERE read #I’m gonna turn off reblogs and delete this maybe Jesus Christ it’s not even a competition it’s a song blunt rotation can’t you all be friend #ly about anything? Tu

[flowercrowngods]

part 1 | part 2 (these make one big story, you won't understand this part without the others)

day 03: first kiss

a/n: not sure if I vibe with this part, but I hope it's okay. also don't think you're getting fluff

A broken heart is such a thing that will make you live either in the past or in the future; never in the present moment. Lovesickness feels like a virus is attacking the very fabric of your universe, distorting time and space and leaving you floating; directionless and hurting. 

That is how Steve feels as he goes through the motions of his life, getting his kids ready for finals, for their oral and written exams, or planning end-of-year school trips. While school provides a great distraction and he has mastered the art of switching into teacher mode almost effortlessly, he feels like he’s just an inch or two beside himself. Beside where he should be. 

He’s dwelling in the past or mourning dozens of possible futures, an infinity of them that will end up unrealised, unlived, unloved. His heart is heavy all the time, his head hurting, and his phone chiming with an endless string of messages that go unopened, unreplied. 

It’s been a few weeks since the engagement party, since he last saw Eddie — who asked if he was okay, who has been asking to see him again, to hang out, have a drink, just catch up. But every time he does, Steve just hurts, and he finds excuses. 

— Sorry, it’s finals season, I’ll be spread thin for the next few weeks :(

Eddie had replied with a litany of sad, brokenhearted emojis that were at equal measures ridiculous as they were exactly what Steve was feeling. Is feeling. Will probably always be feeling, for the rest of his life and beyond. 

So far, Eddie hasn’t asked him to be his best man. Steve sort of doesn’t want to give him the opportunity for that. He’s cowardly enough to wish he could avoid Eddie forever if only that meant he wouldn’t have to see his face fall and crumble when he tells him, No. 

No, I can’t be your best man. I can’t make it to the wedding. I can’t make it, I can’t do this, I can’t stand by and watch as you show me and the rest of the world that your dream life is not with me. Never with me. I can’t hand you over when all I wanna do is hold you. Hold your hand. Walk you down the aisle and then sweep you up in my arms, just to run out, run away; anywhere, as long as it’s with you. 

It doesn’t make sense. There won’t be an aisle, there won’t be any sweeping, there won’t be a future for them. Never has been. Not like this. 

Although there was a brief moment in time where their futures almost aligned. Almost. The timing was never right, though, stumbling through the motions and currents of two lost boys’ emotions. But it was almost there, almost enough.

And it's what's been on Steve's mind all week, playing and replaying, tearing at him from the inside out, leaving him with a jigsaw puzzle of infinite pieces of could have beens, would have beens, and what ifs.

"You know," he tells Robin one evening, who has practically moved in now, claiming that broken hearts are best nursed together. "I was actually Eddie's first kiss."

To her credit, Robin doesn't drop the carton pizza at Steve's non-sequitur. She just swallows hard and looks at him in that careful way she has now, where she's trying to read him and ask his eyes to tell her what it is that she should say next. It's frustrating. It's the greatest kindness anyone has ever shown him. It makes him want to punch a wall, and it makes him want to wrap her in the warmest hug and never, ever let her go.

"You were?"

Steve just nods, his lips trembling as his throat closes up again.

"No," she says in the gentlest voice, taking his hand as she guides him to the living room couch. "I didn't know that. Do you wanna talk about it?"

He shakes his head, tucking his feet under her thigh and leaning sideways against the backrest of the couch. His head is heavy and he's tired. He's always tired, even though he doesn't cry as much anymore. It's been four weeks since the engagement party.

"No, I just, uh– Just wanted to say that."

She nods, her eyes boring into him for two, three, four seconds before she finally turns to her pizza.

He looks past her, his eyes unfocused as his mind travels back to that day when they were still in high school.

~*~

The day that Eddie told him he was gay. And Steve had asked how he knew, because he'd been wondering about his own sexuality.

"I don't know, I just know."

"Well, have you ever kissed a boy?"

And Eddie had blushed a little, charred with his feet in the dirt like he always did – still does. "No."

"Okay."

And Steve, ten years ago, had thought, why not kill two birds with one stone. "Would you like to?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I mean, I'm kinda on the fence about it? Sometimes I think I might like guys, but then other times not so much. But I've never kissed one either, so," he shrugged. "If you, like, want to? We can."

"You want me to kiss you?" Eddie sounded incredulous, but his eyes were very big, very dark, very vulnerable. And it was not a no.

"Only if you want to."

A grin split Eddie's face then and he raised his eyebrows suggestively, but there was something forced about it. "Well, what If I fall madly in love with you, Steve Harrington, hm? What then?"

"Oh, please," Steve had only snorted; the thought that Eddie would fall for him out of all people was just too absurd.

And then something had shifted between them, the air turned into something sizzling as Eddie's smile fell and he stepped closer to Steve, raising one hand to his cheek.

"Here goes my first kiss," he murmured.

"Ever?"

"If we discount Lisa from kindergarten, then yes."

Steve huffed, looking down at Eddie's lips, the moment strangely intimate – but not uncomfortably so. Being this close to Eddie wasn't something new, Steve was used to his friend's tactile nature. "Fuck Lisa from kindergarten."

"I'd really rather not," Eddie smiled before finally, finally leaning in and capturing Steve's lips in a kiss.

To this day, Steve is not sure why he went and deepened the kiss like he did. Was it because he knew this was Eddie's first and he wanted to make it good, make it last? Was it because something deep inside of him knew that he liked boys, too, and that he liked Eddie, even though that realisation wouldn't come for another year at least?

He doesn't know why, but he feels it on his lips still, the memory of their first kiss. Their only kiss. A spectacular one that ended with twin smiles after Steve showed Eddie how to move his lips, how to tilt his head, how to open his mouth to let him in. How to capture the little sigh that he would make.

Eddie had looked at him, a little dazed, and Steve grinned at him, delighted at his expression more than at the kiss itself.

"A-And did you," Eddie started, pulling his hands away from Steve and shoving them deeply into his pockets. "Did you get any closer to, uh, to finding out?"

"If I like guys?"

Eddie nodded.

Steve thought about it; about the kiss and how it wasn't as soft as making out with Nancy or Allison. How he would swallow their moans and run his hands along their soft bodies. Eddie wasn't like that. Eddie was just Eddie.

"I think I'll just stick with girls for now," he shrugged with a smile, patting Eddie on the shoulder and squeezing lightly when the other boy began to sway a little.

"Suit yourself, Harrington," Eddie said, shoving him a little. "But you're missing out."

Years later, Eddie had drunkenly confessed to him that he'd had a crush on Steve back then. For years. And Steve had wanted to ask about it, ask if it's still there, that crush, that connection on a deeper, closer level; but then Eddie told him, "Remember Chrissy? We're official now."

And all the words had died on Steve's lips. All those questions, or the confession that, Yeah, me too. Though Steve's crush on Eddie was much later, years after their first kiss, – and it never really ended.

Still hasn't. And it's not a crush. It's more. It's everything.. He's in love. In it. Caught, stuck, trapped inside, while Eddie and everyone else is on the outside, just watching him struggle.

~*~

Later that night, on his umpteenth re-run of the First Kiss Episode that's keeping him from falling asleep, leaving him frustrated and sad and wondering, his phone rings. Eddie's name pops up on the screen, the impersonal Eddie Munson feels like a knife through his heart. He couldn't bear any of the silly nicknames that Eddie's always had in his phone, and needed to go back to a clean slate.

It hurts, though. He watches, considering to let it go to voicemail – but he hasn't talked to his... to Eddie in four weeks. Barely even talked to him on his engagement party.

And even though there's a chance opening for Eddie to ask him or to talk about his wedding, Steve answers the call.

"Stevie," Eddie says, somewhere between a sigh and a hum, and immediately takes away Steve's breath.

"Hi," he rasps. His heart is racing, his hands begin to tremble and he's shaking even under the thick, warm blanket.

"Did I wake you?"

He hums a negative, not trusting himself to speak, and it comes out a pathetic croak, because God, he missed Eddie. Part of him was missing – part of him will always be missing now, he knows –, and it makes him cry. It's not a sob, not a wail, not anything that Eddie can hear or something that would alarm Robin in the other room.

They're silent tears, and he presses his face into the pillow. He should hang up.

"Stevie?" Eddie asks again, his voice so small, so gentle, so worried. "Are you okay?" And after a moment of Steve being unresponsive because he can't catch his breath without gasping, Eddie asks, "Are you crying?"

And just like a kid that tries to be brave through the pain after falling down, but breaks the moment someone asks if they're hurt, Steve lets out a tiny, broken little sob.

"Oh, Stevie baby," Eddie sighs, and he sounds so sad, so compassionate, Steve never wants to hear his name like that ever again. "Do you want me to come over?"

"No," he croaks pathetically, hitting himself once, twice, three times for not keeping it together. For not being strong enough.

I can't do this.

"What do you need?"

"Sleep," he sniffles, stupidly.

"Okay. Then I'll stay here and be silent company, yeah? Don't need to be alone. Is Robin there?" He hums again, affirmative. "Good. Want me to say something? Read to you, tell you a story? Play you some music or–"

"Eddie," Steve manages. I love you. "Just silence? But you don't have to."

"Nah, I'll stay with you," Eddie says before Steve even finished his objections. "Until you've fallen asleep, yeah?"

Steve just nods into his pillow, even though Eddie can't see or hear it.

He's watching the seconds turn into minutes as the time passes. He's so tired, but he doesn't want to let go yet. Not when Eddie is right there. Not when there's still the phantom feeling of his lips capturing Steve's, a memory that is ten years old and still as strong as the very first second.

He should have known, then. Should have leaned in for another kiss, should have told Eddie that he knows he's into boys now, too, and ask Eddie to keep kissing him.

He shouldn't have taken years.

He should have created a new world just for the two of them, with an infinite amount of futures, and all go them happy. All of them SteveAndEddie.

But he didn't. And he wants to apologise. For being so slow, for not knowing until it was too late. For pulling away these past few weeks when that's the last thing he ever wants to do. For not being strong enough; for being too weak.

I'm in love with you, he thinks. Over and over and over. Mouths it voicelessly into the silence between them. Says it out loud when after almost two hours, Eddie hangs up with a quiet, "Good night, Stevie. I miss you." He says it when Eddie's gone, the beep of an empty line the only response he gets before that cuts out, too.

And then he's all alone again.

tagging: @sexymothmanincarnate @mcneen @livsters @eddiemunchondeeznuts @abstractnaturaldisaster @steddie-as-they-go @hyperfixationgoddess @goodolefashionedloverboi @stxrcrossed186 @imzadidragonfly @eddiemunsonswife @bidisastersworld @ghost-ly-s @romanticdestruction @walkingaftermidnight07 @anaibis @rainydays35 @mightbeasleep @sunfloweringstories @korixae and thanks to everyone who said nice things about this 🤍🌷

come back tomorrow for: here come the tears (and hurt/comfort, maybe) | read part 4 here

#steddie fic #steddie #steddie week fic #steddieweek2023 #maybe I'll write the first kiss scene as one later. when my eyes dont hurt and the thought of posting doesnt make my brain eat itself #will I ever post a steddie week thing not around 2am?? -- unlikely #the emotions are dulled unless they are sharp because heartache is fun like that (and so is anxiety can I get a wahoo) #dio words #I hope I got all the tags I dont think there were any requests in reblogs but if I missed them pls dont be mad 🥺

[peaceishim]

So I was talking to a friend, when I noticed the moon so I asked her to click a picture, And she said- "I stopped taking pictures of sky and the moon, it reminds me of some things".

She was a wonderful poet and a writer.

"I stopped writing"

"Why"

"When I sit to write something, I don't feel anything, or I am too much reminded of him"

I recommended her, to write about something else, something she loves or is passionate about, maybe about life, and she goes - "All my poems revolved around him, even if I start with something else it always ends with something about him".

And It really made me think, how love can destroy some part of us.

-A.S.

#deep thoughts #love #poetry #poem #my thougts #poets on tumblr #original poem #spilled ink #prose poetry #dark academia #writing prompt #writers and poets #writers on tumblr #writing #writeblr #writerscommunity #writer community #writblr #writer #desiblr #desi tumblr #desi tag #heartbreak #heartache #on love #urdu stuff #urdu poetry #poetic #prose #moon

[larsdunn]

same same but different

#the heartache of nhl trades #but are y’all picking up what i’m putting down #also do jamie and brandon give the same vibes to yall or is that just a me thing #connor dewar #brandon duhaime #jamie drysdale #trevor zegras #drygras #deweys #do i tag all the teams ;-; #guess i have to for organization sake #minnesota wild #toronto maple leafs #colorado avalanche #philadelphia flyers #anaheim ducks #the fact that i have to tag Five teams for all of them (´･_･`)

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

I finally decided to create a semi-decent tagging system- enjoy :)

#hellsite hall of fame - actual legendary posts that belong in my wonderfully cursed hall of fame museum

#hellsite hall of fame curator’s bullshit - asks and other posts that 100% belong here, but alas aren’t legendary posts

#the hellsite answers - any and all asks. some helpful, some just silly-goofy-fun, some extremely cursed bc ✨tumblr✨

#hellsite hunger games - @hellsite-hungergames blorbo poll competition that I somehow was lucky enough to enter, and was runner up in. also gives context to -

#enemies to lovers angst hurt no comfort 200k hellsite hall of fame × perry the platypus - a truly beautifully cursed fanfic being written by @instantpansies about how I lost the hellsite hunger games to perry the platypus bc, once again, ✨tumblr✨

#color of the sky - my beloved favorite post that i’ve based this blog’s entire personality on. the original post is somewhere in there... if you scroll far enough :)

#bee movie script - some of the best posts on this hellsite are under this tag. scroll through it all… if you dare

#long post - any and all long posts. some are legendary, some are just obnoxious…. but that’s why I love them <3

#hiiiiii #this is my attempt at organization #and if anyone would like to solely see legendary hall of fame posts #I am begging you to please oh please block all the tags except “hellsite hall of fame” so you can enjoy my musuem #without having to be bothered with my other posts if you don't wish to #it'll save everyone from heartache lol #bc yeah #hope this helps a bit with user experience lol #(also please click on ‘bullshit’ i’m begging you) #hellsite hall of fame #the hellsite answers #hellsite hunger games #enemies to lovers angst hurt no comfort 200k hellsite hall of fame x perry the platypus #hellsite hall of fame curator’s bullshit #color of the sky #bee movie script #long post #hall of fame #tagging system #tags #so many tags

[sushiiisthings]

It’s not the fault of time that we had too little of it.

It’s my fault that I wanted you too much.

#love #love quotes #lovers #heartache #heartbreak #i love him #love quote #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #life quote #beautiful quote #book quote #quoteoftheday #i love you #love poem #heartbroken #desiblr #desi tag #desi girl

[hi-im-just-a-fan-here]

Fucking finally I made another one of the art Nouveau inspired pieces. It's not the best as I had a long break but I tried.

#my uni started and i had to move and then get used to living in one room with a stranger #and also just in general get used to uni #but i have now awesome friends #and we spend a lot of time together #and i love all of them so much #also ive been trying once again flower meanings! there are (very long) daisies that symbolise innocence #and they turn into carnation that symbolise heartache (there at the bottom) #and that turns into wormwood that symbolises bitterness i wanted that to kind of portrey agotts trauma with her family #but also the daisies are in her hair that sort of means she still has some of that innocence left #as well as heather near the birds-these ones mean protection and i wanted that to be connected to qifrey #thats why the birds are there cause of that one chaoter where she summoned her professor with light bird #but yes i ramble serious tag time #agott arkrome #agott fanart #a.mucha inspired #witch hat atelier #wha fanart

[nipsyyy]

Slowly realising that I always want to be the most reliable person for everyone because I haven’t ever been able to rely on someone completely.

-nipuna

#poems on tumblr #prose #spilled poetry #academia #academia aesthetic #romantic academia #art #prose poetry #taylor swift #heartache #desi poetry #desi rant #desi academia #desi aesthetic #dark acamedia #dark academia quotes #sad prose #sad poem #prose poem #love poem #desiblr #desi tumblr #desi tag

[thesolitarysoul]

the number of times i question this to myself is insane!

#heartbreak #depressing life #depressing poem #gay #heartache #letting go #fuck you #mental health #why did you leave #what do i do #desi blr #desi tag #desi tumblr #anime and manga #dark academism #desi dark academia #dark academia

[jochona]

i will wash my hair tomorrow

#desiblr #desi academia #being desi #desi dark academia #desi #desi tag #bi #self care #self improvement #self love #desi shit posting #desi posting #mental health #breakups #heartbreak #heartache #wlw heartbreak #first heartbreak #what the fuck are these tags #i hope im reaching the right audience #something is fundamentally wrong with me

[miilkybnn]

putting this here because I've talked my friend's ears off about this but when I'm looking for GhostRoach fics and find one that has GhostSoap tagged in there, I don't get mad!!! I love me so good GhostRoachSoap yum yum, what I DO get mad about is when Gary is infact only mentioned AND is only mentioned as the "dead boyfriend" 😭😭 why yall gotta reduce my boy like that 💔💔 why can't you have them ALL alive and happy 💔💔💔

#milky talks #PLEASE tag properly #it'll save us both the heartache 💔 #gary roach sanderson #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #cod #ghostroach #ghostsoap #ghostroachsoap #ghost x soap #ghost x roach #ghost x roach x soap #call of duty #if u need help understanding how to tag fics let me know 💔 i promise its actually not that difficult as it seems #(on Ao3 tho ur not gonna catch me teaching how to tag on FF that would be a whole 2hr lecture 💀)

[villafordefeatedvillains]

Our hobby is taking Bad-End VRV Gordons and making them even MORE fucked up, apparently. WOE, cold blue bastard named Dinner be upon ye.

#hlvrv fanart #hlvrv au #oc: heartache #giving our fan gordons oc tags okay? #btw his mascara's not actually running he does his makeup like that on purpose #he based his outfit off of benrey's to mock him #benrey and spork are on the run w/ joshua in this au #proton ocs #pictures in the sand

[presiding]

formerly an essay in tags but - billie lurk. half-nameless, misremembered woman. her powers derived from the things taken from her, without any catharsis or empowerment. the rat charm, tied with deidre's hair, her lover's voice in the mouth of rats. her arm and eye, taken, given back only to cause her chronic pain, then lost again. foresight seems a cruel gift for a woman who botched the timing of her takeover of the whalers, and bet wrong when it came to delilah.

she never bore the outsider's blessing; his first visit to her was more like an assault. every other dishonored POV character gets the choice to be selfish, and for that selfishness to mean something, but billie's actions have no effect on the world at large, either, in a game without a chaos system.

some say that corvo is the ghost, but he can reach out and change things. billie's buried herself twice and come back and nothing she does seems to matter - she is less a protagonist, more a convenient full stop in the narrative.

try this: open doto, start a new game. sit in her cabin. notice how little of billie there is. even the woman she loved more than anyone has the face of another named character.

she sits amongst the assets of other games: empty canvases and a dressmaker's mannequin that wears nothing.

#billie lurk #even the wiki is wrong about her its infuriating #pulled this out of tags because fuck it #in daud's DLCs even the stories that weren't about him were about him #but billie's stories are the scrapheap. they're the stuff they couldn't squeeze in elsewhere. cheap jokes and macguffins #i'm not even roasting the devs for this i think releasing dishonored in 2016 then DotO in 2017 was a feat (derogatory) #games should be made slowly and with love #and i know that everyones talked about this endlessly #but billie is my fav and it sucks that she got a game that only causes me to grieve for her as a character #not FOR her as a person #only the potential story that never was. that she never got. #you can have your strong black woman and not turn her into a trope. give her depth and range and heartache and agency. yes there was traged #but how did it SHAPE her? #dont get me started on her being designated caretaker of a former god and dying assassin. what the fuck #some of this i'd be more okay with if she was younger - i mean. the blank canvases? really? #this game could have been about wyman and there's not that much that would have changed in terms of the core story #“found out the asshole that killed your mother is still around. gonna go deal with that.” #emily who is stoned: “cool.bring me snacks on the way back” #wyman: “oh he's saying actually it was gods fault and that its possible to kill him. well i have literally nothing in my schedule” #billie's not surprised by anything anymore but maybe wyman would freak out over most of it. could have been a lot of fun #also you cant fuck up wymans characterisation. they barely exist. #local empress sends her enby girlboyfriend to kill god #pres writes increasingly deranged essays in the tags #death of the outsider spoilers #i have to complain about doto once every year or so or i die #but i'm not really gonna let arkane hide behind dev excuses when it comes to racism like. its not enough

[surprisebitch]

shibuya arc is making me wish gege pulls a tokyo revengers and the ending becomes yuji and sukuna holding hands saying "and this is our jujutsu kaisen" as everyone is brought back to life after the curse spirits have all been eliminated 🧍

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #maybe shonen doesnt have to be dark #kskdjsjd i didnt sign up for heartache fjdksksk #shibuya incident #kento nanami #nobara kugisaki #gojo satoru #so many characters to tag #toji fushiguro #yuji itadori #sukuna

[auralina33]

I've been like going insane on an art event but take this. Valentine!

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #security breach #vanny fnaf #heartache #valentine lovett #fnaf au #security is in place au #ask to tag

[jitterbugbear]

i love to cheat i love to trace i love to take shortcuts

#if you can't make that pose work? trace that shit #it's genuinely not worth the heartache AND you have to edit the lines anyway to fit your style. and you might learn how angles work #HOWEVER i only do this for photographs if i mean to post the doodle #style studies are nobody elses business keep that stuff secret #chat tag