#goddam im finally done with this!

[msmoon-and-the-cyberdemon]

LET’S JOOOOEEE!

#my things #my doodlez #splatoon #goddam im finally done with this! #splatoon oc #octoling #inkling #salmonid #salmon run #splatoon 2 #splatoon 3 #big run #megalodontia #king salmonid #agent 4 #agent 8 #neo agent 3 #my ocs are my children #waverley tag #byron tag #ripple tag #art #artists on tumblr #comics #splatoon art #splatoon fanart #salmon run fanart #grizzco #mr grizz

[cherryblossom-heart]

I loved you once B.B

Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Masterlist

Summary: Loving Bucky Barnes was never easy but breaking your heart seemed to come naturally to him. A love story about your heartbreak,his betrayal and a chance at redemption.

19.1 k words

Content Warning: ANGST, heartbreak, cheating, mature themes, +18 SMUT, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (Pussy job, penetrative sex p in v, sad/angry sex? Rough sex mixed with a little pain. It will make sense once you read it) . Fluff, mentions of bad mental health from both Bucky and reader, graphic violence, character's death, mentions of women trafficking as well as assault.

A/N: Wow 19k words. Im sorry this took so long to finish but as you can tell it is super long as I promised. Buckle up y'all, this is sad. Also this is my first time writing a proper cheating fic so if you can/want let me know if you like it or not. You're welcomed to send me an ask with any comments, questions, etc., you have on this 😊

Post dividers by @firefly-graphics and @cafekitsune

Now  

"Fuck you," you spat the words.    

Tears fell from your eyes as they made their way down your neck, making dark spots in the collar of your red turtleneck. Even when pain was drowning you, beauty never left you. Bucky felt as if he were watching a beautiful Renaissance painting—a tragedy of sorts.   

"Is that all? I really don’t have time for this."   

He didn’t recognize his own words or the indifference they came out with. He didn’t mean to say them, but it was as if his own body was working on autopilot, and he was only a spectator to the shitshow it was causing. He wanted to stop. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to say so many things, but the only thing he was capable of was hurting you.   

"Are you kidding me? That’s all you’re going to say?"   

"What else do you want me to say? You know what happened, you saw her with your own eyes. Anything I say is either going to make you angrier or make you cry even more. Let’s just be done with this, you’ll eventually get over it."   

The sound of your hand connecting with his face put an end to his sentence. The hit didn’t feel as such, his skin barely processed it as anything more than a simple graze, but once the initial shock wore off, the sting came along. But it didn’t compare to the pain he felt in his heart when his eyes connected with yours once again.   

"I always knew you were capable of many things, but not once did I think you would ever be this cruel."   

Your eyes drifted to your hands, your right hand playing with the ring you wore in your left. A sigh left your lips, and more tears fell before you finally slid it off your finger, placing it on the table next to you.   

A bucket of iced water. Painful, burning, scorching coldness— that’s how Bucky would describe looking at you while silently breaking your engagement. His mind was telling him to get on his knees, beg, and try to fix everything he had broken. But the darkest part of him, the one that had taken over his life was assuring him you were bluffing. You couldn’t leave, you always stayed. You always fought for him, even when he didn’t deserve it.   

"What are you doing?" he asked, his eyes rolling with the uninterested façade he had perfected.   

"I’m done, I can’t keep doing this anymore." You turned your back, strong and determined steps leading to his apartment door.  

Please, fix this.   

His trembling hands made their way to your wrist, anything that could mend the cracks in your heart that seeped with pain, the cracks he had caused with his own selfishness. Before his fingers could even graze your skin, your hand quickly swatted away his pathetic effort to stop you.  

"God, stop being so goddamed drama—"   

"Don’t fucking touch me. Don’t try to contact me ever again, I won’t answer."   

"Can you just—"   

"If I ever see you again I swear I’ll murder you. I didn’t kill you the first time we met but I swear I’ll do it if you even dare to breath in my direction."   

Your words hurt, it seemed as though each one stabbed him right through the chest in a taunting way, a reminder of how much he had screwed up. Bile rose to his throat when you recoiled at his proximity, and the hate in your eyes burned him with such force that he was sure you wouldn't wait until the next time you met.   

He deserved it either way.  

Bucky's eyes opened just as the car jolted, his heart racing against his chest, his ears buzzing. For a fraction of a second, he's confused, not remembering why he was in the car, but the fogginess of his thoughts was replaced with anxiety when he heard the tracker beeping on Sam's thigh. 

"Good, you’re awake. I think we’re almost there." Sam kept his eyes on the road, occasionally glancing down at the device that told him where to go. Judging by his demeanor, his friend didn’t seem as nervous as he did, if at all. It wasn’t like Sam had a reason to, he was the only one who had fucked up.  

He looked out at the vehicle, and the passing trees in the darkness of the night numbed his mind while he tried to forget about his dream. No, it wasn’t a dream, it was his worst memory to date. Usually, his nightmares were about the crimes he had committed while being the Winter Soldier, and he could blame them on his consciousness not being there with him. His own body didn’t belong to him, so he couldn’t keep blaming himself for the things HYDRA had forced him to do.  

With you, on the other hand, he could not blame anyone else but himself. His mind wasn’t tortured by a secret organization in hopes of ruining his relationship, nor was he forced to hurt the person about whom he cared the most to save thousands of lives. He did it all by himself, and now the nightmares have not only scared him but hurt him all over again.  

You started to show up in his dreams more frequently once Sam told him they needed your help. As expected, the super-soldier's first reaction was total and complete refusal. His friend thought it was a childish reaction the former winter soldier was having to avoid the awkwardness of meeting you again, only knowing your relationship had ended on bad terms without hearing the specifics. But the blue-eyed man wasn’t doing it for himself, he was doing it for you. The night you left, you made it clear you didn’t want anything to do with him, or even anything related to him, your resignation from the Avengers Team and subsequent evaporation from the face of the earth was a strong message to leave you alone.  

After a few hours of arguing, with both men going back and forth on why they did or didn't need you, Bucky finally agreed to go look for you. Lives were at stake, and no matter how hard he tried to look for a solution that avoided you, there seemed to be none. Before he could ask where to even start looking for you, Sam pulled out a device that seemed familiar to a phone. You had given Sam, and only Sam, a tracker that could find you anywhere in the world and could only be unlocked by a password you had whispered to him  

The depth of his tormenting cycle of thoughts didn’t let him register they weren’t on the road anymore until his partner stopped the vehicle. They were surrounded by tall, dense trees, and the crickets and cicadas that hid in the dark made an orchestra that filled the emptiness of the night. Sam grabbed his gear, the sound of a duffle bag being opened broke the rhythm of nature.  

"Why are we stopping here?" Bucky asked with a frown. His own duffle was placed across his back, the tinkering of the metal inside it annoying him slightly.  

His friend threw an annoyed look at him before rolling his eyes and scrambling through his belongings. "As I said like twenty minutes ago while you were brooding and having your own pity party, this thing shows her inside a building in the middle of the woods. I’d like to take a look around the area before going in blind."  

"Oh."  

Normally, the super soldier would’ve had a comeback for the annoying yet harmless insults his friend and partner would throw at him, even a snide comment. But this was different, no matter what Sam would say, he could only think of what was about to happen. So he let it slide, submerging himself in his own thoughts while Sam threw the little flying robot he nicknamed "Red Wing" into the air. Once it was hovering above them and Sam made sure to have full control of it, they began a walk that would last about thirty minutes before the device would find any signs of life.  

Sam and him were waiting somewhere near the alleged building, Sam's robot scanning the surroundings.The thumping in his chest returned, and his fingers became ice cold.He was so close. Close enough to see you, close enough to talk to you, and perhaps close enough to apologize. 

How would you react to seeing him? Would you be happy to see him? Probably not, considering the last thing you said to him was that you would kill him if he ever came near you. He knew he deserved it, but hopefully time changed your murderous resolution. Maybe even forgave him.  

Could you ever forgive him?  

A slight swat from Sam brought him back from his thoughts, silently letting him know they were ready to go. Bucky could sense it before the place was even visible, the vibrations of the music resonating through the ground. The smell of smoke, alcohol, and humanity reached his nostrils right as they saw the line of cars parked in a plain field next to what resembled a warehouse.  

To an untrained eye, it would look like a normal, unsanitary, and probably unsafe rave done by stupid people. But the polarized windows of the cars, the shine coming from the inside of the guards' jackets, and the lot of security cameras installed in the building told another story. Whatever or whoever was in there was dangerous, and as usual, you had gotten yourself in the middle of it.  

Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He knew you couldn’t stay away from helping people, no matter how hard you tried. He saw the breadcrumbs, microscopic, little clues that he could recognize as your style. A missing girl suddenly returning to her family, a kidnapped journalist in the middle of war returning to their respective embassy. A child trafficker falling from his hotel room in the twentieth floor. You had always been... effective when it came to missions, sometimes going overboard with your methods, but Tony, Steve, and himself had always guided you towards the good and righteous path that a person with your abilities was supposed to take. 

You lost all three of them in the span of a year.  

They were lucky that it was relatively easy to get inside, and even luckier that their clothes didn't draw too much attention to them. Sure, they seemed to be wearing more clothes than needed, as most people seemed to enjoy themselves topless and/or pantless, but with the darkness of the room barely being lit by the flashing blue and red lights, no one really noticed them.  

Guys, girls, and people he wasn’t sure how to label were grinding against each other. Hands touched him, pulling his jacket, and he had to push them all away, trying to make his way through the sea of people. The inside of the warehouse could pass for a functioning club, with couches, dance floors, and screens accommodating everyone inside.  

Bucky wasn’t sure he had ever seen anything like this; the debauchery that people showed shocked his old-fashioned ways. He was sure he had seen several people inside each other, whether it was fingers, tongues, or dicks, no one seemed to mind that everyone else could see them. How had you gotten yourself into the middle of this disguised orgy? What were you even doing here?  

Both men made their way to the front of the place, where a private section was installed looking over the dancefloor. Two large guys guarded the stairs that connected the lower and upper levels, allowing mostly attractive girls to ascend. Both men agreed that if you were to be found somewhere, it would undoubtedly be there. They scanned the room, looking for any way they could access the VIP level without having a pair of tits and long legs.  

He had never understood scenes in movies where they showed time slowing down. Every time he had been in a fight, whether it was as himself in the forties or as the winter soldier, everything seemed to happen too fast to process. Even the night you left, time had seemed to go at an abnormally fast pace, and by the time he could finally react the way he wanted, it had been too late.  

He never understood those scenes until he saw you walking to the protective railing surrounding the edge of the private section. Above the deafening music, the moans, and the music, he could hear your voice talking to someone else.  

It was as if he was seeing you for the first time. Your beauty had remained the same your hair, your eyes, and your lips all looked the same, yet his heart started racing just as it did all those years ago. You weren’t dressed like everyone else dancing around him, your black dress with a dangerous deep cleavage was sensuous, but it held a certain level of class that made you stand out from the crowd.  

Thump, thump, thump.  

Time moved at a slow pace, the slowest he had experienced. He was grateful for it, as it allowed him to appreciate every detail from you. The way your lips came close to the drink you had in your hand, the drumming your fingers did on top of the railing, the glint in your eyes—he knew it meant you were lost in your thoughts.   

Bucky had never been more grateful for the way time passed. Until he saw a pair of hands sliding across your waist, fingers gripping your hips so roughly, he was sure they would leave a mark on your skin. A semi-attractive man whispered words in your ear, his beard scruffing against your skin. You smirked, turning around to plaster your lips against his in a kiss that could make a pornstar blush.  

He knew you'd moved on; nearly a year had passed since the last time he saw you, and you'd probably found someone to sleep with, but he wasn't ready to watch you become someone else's. His mind was prepared to face your happiness, but his heart wasn’t. And even now, he was sure you were just tagging along with the man, using him for information for whatever mission you had gotten yourself into, yet he felt as if what remained of his heart had been ripped out of his chest.  

With strong, rough movements, the man turned you around, pressing your body against the railing. As his hand grabbed your neck, your hips grinded against his, your mouth open as you licked your lips. 

The super soldier couldn’t take it anymore, his heart begged him to stop the torture. He wasn’t even sure where Sam was, nor did he care. He cared about you, and he could only think about what he had lost. With the last of his dignity, he began to look away from you and your companion, who had leaned over to your ear once more. Except this time his eyes found Bucky’s, his fingers tightening around your neck.  

He knew. Somehow the man knew who he was and, most importantly, who you were.  

Your eyes widen slightly, searching through the sea of people dancing downstairs. But it didn't take you long to find those blue eyes you once adored. He was there, looking exactly the same as the night you left him, along with your heart.  

"I know who you are." The man whispered in your ear—a threat not so subtly hidden behind every word.  

But you couldn’t dwell long on his words because ice-cold eyes looked back at you. Ice cold eyes brought back the pain you thought you left behind, and the rage surfaced once more as you remembered the promises you made him.  

Cold metal was pressed against your neck, the edge of it grazing your skin. Bucky’s eyes widened in alarm, and his hands turned into fists, making him look like he cared. Like he actually had a heart.  

He barely took two steps in your direction when the wicked smile you wore stopped him. It was sinister. It was deadly. And when you turned to the man to say something, his grip faltered as one word left your lips.  

"Good"  

Your head connected against the man’s nose, a crack let you know it was most likely broken. You barely heard the man’s yells when bullets made their way to you, a couple of them grazing your skin. The room that was once filled with hips swaying, alcohol, and moans had transformed into a frenzy of screams and people running to get out of the building.  

The crowd tried to take Bucky away; their desperate attempts at escaping dragged him away as he fought his way through the sea of people. Seconds passed, and he could hear your grunts as well as more shooting coming from the upper floor, with girls running down the stairs, some of them with splashes of blood staining their clothes.  

He didn’t know whose blood it belonged to, and that frightened him.  

Sam’s voice pulled him out of his trance. "What the hell happened?"  

His friend had managed to make his way to him, both of them still getting pushed around. Bucky offered him a quick glance before resuming his previous task of making his way to the stairs.  

"Her cover is blown," was all the explanation Bucky offered, and somehow it was enough. Before any of them could add anything, screams came from the front door, three bulky men were making their way there while carrying very large and dangerous guns. "Take care of them, I’ll go help her," the super soldier said without leaving any room for discussion.  

When his fingers finally grabbed the banister of the stairs, Bucky was close to losing his mind. Climbing two steps at a time, he finally found himself a scene that froze him in the spot.  

You were there, your black dress ripped in some places, your makeup ruined by mascara running down your cheeks, and blood splashes tainted your flawless skin. Bucky had managed to get there just in time as you twisted a man's arm to an unnatural angle, the crack of his joint popping out of place was followed by his screams. You had managed to kill/knock out everyone except for the guy who had previously had a knife to your throat, and Bucky knew better than to think that was just a mere coincidence.  

After the last man fell to the ground, blood sputtering out of his neck, you lifted your gaze towards him. He couldn’t read you as easily as he had once been able to and he hated it. Before, he was sure he knew you better than you knew yourself, more than once already sure of your likes and dislikes before you asked him for an opinion. He had treasured those times in his mind, and the memories were as comforting as they were painful. A constant reminder of what he had lost.  

He was right there, right in front of you. The man you fell in love with when you still had a heart. The man who still had a tight grip on it and who would probably always own it. He could keep it for all you cared, your heart was tainted with memories you didn’t wish to keep.  

It was the first time both of you were this close, every scream gone as you were absorbed by your own bubble. He looked so familiar that your own body reacted the way it used to whenever you saw him. Your heart stammered in your chest, and even after so long, the butterflies in your stomach appeared for a millisecond. He was the man you had once loved, he was the man with whom you imagined a future together.  

Then, you remembered why all your hopes and dreams had been destroyed.  

Bucky noticed the hurt flashing through your face, your jaw tightening right before you made your way to him. For a moment, he thought you were about to hug him, your desperation to reach him in your long strides mirroring his as his body begged him to touch you. He wanted to apologize, beg for forgiveness at your feet, and profess the love that he wasn’t able to forget.  

Perhaps if his mind hadn't been plagued with all the things he wanted to do, he would’ve noticed your foot rising to give him a solid kick on the chest.  

The force and unexpectedness of your attack launched him back to the railing, throwing him over it. His back landed with a loud thud on the floor, fortunate enough for him, everyone else seemed to have dissipated and his fall wasn’t that high up. A second later, you jumped from the banister, landing on top of him with your knife in hand. Your knee found it’s place on his chest, feet pressing his hands flat on the surface. Before Bucky could even muster a word, the blade was pinned against his throat.  

"I told you if I ever saw you again, I would fucking kill you." 

Then  

Steve had changed so much in the years they had spent apart. His friend, who had once been the fragile little Brooklyn boy he would protect with his life, was now a fully grown man with a strength that could crush a person if he wasn’t careful enough. He was also now his protector, not from bullies that would harass him because of his own stubbornness but from a secret organization that wanted to take over the world. That and his own fractured mind.  

He had lost control once the man had given him the commands to bring back the deadly assassin they had turned him into. He remembered it all, but it had felt as if he was under water the whole time, falling deeper and deeper the more he tried to fight against it. His own body didn’t belong to him, no matter how hard he tried to control it.  

For a year, he had thought it was possible to lead a normal life; his time spent in Romania had given him false hope that he had gotten away from his captors. How foolish he had been, thinking he could ever be far away from his grasps. He wasn’t the man he was before, just a weapon designed to hurt people.  

He supposed he was lucky Steve still saw good in him, at least enough to turn against his teammates and friends to help him clear his name. And now, as they drove to one of Steve’s friends' hideouts, he couldn’t help but feel guilty about everything that was going on. If he hadn’t lost control, Steve wouldn't be a wanted criminal. If he wasn’t captured, a shit ton of innocent, good people would still be alive. If his mind had been stronger, he could’ve broken free of HYDRA's mind control.  

Maybe it would’ve been better if he had actually died when he fell from that train.  

Steve parked outside an abandoned apartment complex, it seemed no one had lived there in years. He threw a questioning eyebrow at Sam, who just shrugged before getting out of the vehicle. Another of Steve’s friends had decided to help him out of loyalty to Steve, not because he particularly liked Bucky or entirely believed in his good side.  

All three men walked inside the building, not a sound inside other than their footsteps and heavy breathing. Steve looked around for a couple of seconds before making his way to the second floor, his intuition telling him where to go. He stood in front of a door with a big C plastered on it, his friend's hand hesitating before knocking on the wood.  

After the third knock came back without an answer, Steve decided to open the door. He had called a name while crossing the threshold, looking around for any signs of life inside the apartment. Bucky was surprised to find the apartment filled with computers, blueprints, documents, and lots of military-grade equipment. Everything gave away the signs of someone working there, yet there was no one who took ownership over them.  

It was too late when Bucky heard you standing behind him, with his feet being swept by your leg and effectively knocking him down. The wooden floor amplified the echo of his fall, catching Steve and Sam’s attention. Your frame landed on top of his, gun aimed directly between his eyes.Bucky's hand reached to grab your ankle in an effort to destabilize you, but the barrel of your weapon was pressed right on his forehead.  

"I wouldn’t do it if I were you," you said coolly. "I promise you, I’ll blow your brains out before you can even land a hit."  

After your words filled the room, Bucky’s eyes finally took their chance to look at you, actually look at you.  

God, you were beautiful.  

Maybe it was only your physical beauty that had taken him by surprise, or the fact that you had taken him down so easily with just one leg movement. Or even the fact that you seemed to have no fear towards a man who was being marketed as a "dangerous and armed terrorist." Whatever it was, Bucky couldn’t deny the fact that you were the most beautiful human being he had seen.  

After a few explanations from Steve’s part and some begging for help, you released the super soldier from your hold, weapon holstered in your back. Your hand extended to help him get off the floor, and you offered him a charming but wary smile.   

You told the three men to make themselves at home and take anything they needed. Bucky had chosen to keep guard, being by himself in the top floor while looking out through a window that hid him from everyone else. He was stewing in his own complicated thoughts when he heard a knock on the wall. You were there, standing a few feet away from him with a shy smile on your face as you extended to him a cup filled with hot coffee.  

Thump, thump, thump.  

"Sorry about the whole thing holding you hostage," you said as he welcomed the cup.  

His fingers accidentally grazed against your own, and it was as if he had touched electricity itself. Heat extended from his hands all through his body, and his ability to think was thrown out of the window. He looked at you, and he couldn’t tell if you felt the same or not, but he could feel how your eyes burned him, with a curiosity behind them that was so easy to read that he was surprised you were the black ops/spy Sam had told him.  

"It’s whatever, I would’ve done the same thing if I were you." Bucky answered after a few seconds.  

He turned to look through the window again, trying to keep his thoughts in order. You settled down next to him, the warmth of your skin reaching his own. Nothing could be heard other than your breathings, not even the cars outside or the sound of the busy city that hid you. And for the first time in a long time, Bucky felt relaxed with someone he didn’t know from the past.  

"I’m James."  

He could’ve sworn he heard you smile before you gave him your name. 

Now  

"What the fuck are you doing here, Barnes?"  

The music was still on, as were the blue and red lights that lighted up the darkness in the room. Bucky could feel the breeze of your breath on his face and the smell of expensive whisky and tobacco in every word you said. He wasn’t surprised, the man that you knocked out probably tried to impress you with them.  

But behind the traces of blood, alcohol, and gunpowder, he could smell your shampoo. The same peony smell mixed with lavander filled his nostrils, and it brought him back to the many nights you had spent together. Your fingers were drawing circles on the skin of his back, and his nose was buried in your hair.  

You, on the other hand, were reminded of the suffering he caused you with every passing second.  

"I told you to stay away from me," you muttered.  

Your hand pressed the edge of the blade on his skin, and you were sure if you kept going you were going to start drawing out blood, but you couldn’t care less. Bucky Barnes had always been an expert at instilling unwanted emotions in you, and it was difficult to keep those emotions at bay right now. 

You felt anger. You felt resentment. You felt pure, long-lasting hatred.  

"Maybe I should slit your throat right now, that’ll make you stay away from me permanently."  

Your words were intimidating, filled with the same promise you had made him that fateful night. This was his chance, his chance at the apology that had died out in his throat when you closed the door behind him. This was the chance he had chased in his dreams for almost a year.  

But he couldn’t say anything.  

He loved you. God, he loved you so much. He missed seeing your face other than in the few pictures he kept or in the memories that did no justice. Because even now, as you threatened to kill him, you were a dream come true, just like the first time he saw you. 

"Say something!"  

"You’re beautiful."  

Your grip faltered on the knife, your eyebrows slightly furrowing at his words.  

No, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t come back out of nowhere, say some cheesy, basic compliment, and make the walls of hate you had built crumble. Even if he had only managed to knock down one brick, he didn't deserve it. You knew it, he knew it, and everyone else who knew what happened between you two knew it.  

Then why did your heart flutter at his words?  

"Hey," Sam said, breaking the silence, your head snapping in his direction."I know he’s an asshole, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t kill my partner."  

You look back at Bucky for a few seconds before giving up, throwing your knife to the floor. Sam leaned over, his hand extended to help Bucky get up.Your murderous eyes went from Bucky to Sams, your gaze softening at his friend.  

"I told you to only contact me in emergencies," you grumbled.  

A hiss left your lips when you touched your arm, one of the bullet wounds was still seeping blood. Bucky thought about telling you something, but this time he listened to the rational part of his brain that told him to shut the fuck up.  

"Believe me, if we had a choice, we wouldn’t have come," Sam said.  

Your eyes flickered between both men, not convinced about helping them. Well, on helping the blue eyed super soldier. A pathetic excuse for why you couldn’t help them died on your lips once you saw his blue eyes. Please, help us they begged.  

You didn’t owe him anything. You shouldn’t help him, but in the back of your head, Steve’s voice rang through. Good ol’ Steve Rogers and his everlasting moral lessons. That's what we have to do, he said. 

So you put aside your feelings because helping people mattered more than an idiot who broke your heart.  

"What do you want?" You sighed.  

"We’re looking into something... odd. A bunch of pregnant women missing, still in their early stages of pregnancy. Most of them show up dead after giving birth, but the babies are nowhere to be found."  

You shrug. "They take the kids, so?"  

It was cold, you were aware of it. But after the things you had seen, the things you had done, you were aware that people kidnapping woman for their babies wasn’t something out of the ordinary, let alone something that required Captain America to look into it. Things like that were always forgotten, pushed back into a slew of cases alongside more missing women. 

"They had traces of the super serum."  

Fuck.  

You laughed. A joyless, cynical type of laugh. Destiny, of course, had to be a jerk. 

"Well, you’re in luck. I think we’re tracking down the same people." Sam raised an eyebrow at you with a simple request for you to elaborate. "A girl showed up dead in México a couple of months ago, she’d been missing for almost a year. Autopsy showed she had a miscarriage before dying, the bleeding killed her. The remains had traces of the serum too."  

"Are you saying that—?" Sam couldn’t finish his sentence, the thought sending chills along his spine.  

"Yeah."  

The air is somber between the three of you. Sure, the flag smashers were a problem when they appeared, as you knew from all the news reports you'd seen.People with ten times the strength of a normal human being were dangerous, especially if they were associated with a terrorist organization. 

This was different, though. This was sinister.  

Groans coming from the top floor broke the eeriness that surrounded you, making you finally remember why you were here. You tore apart part of the black dress that was once pristine and wrapped it around your arm.  

"Look at this guy over there," you said, motioning behind you. "He has intel on this, he’s the one that gets the girls and delivers them."  

"Well, let’s take him in and—"  

You cut Sam off. "No. Look, you came looking for me because this is my specialty. I know how to handle guys like him, and I sure as hell know he won’t tell us shit if we take him to a precinct and threaten him with some jail time. He’s a big fish. A few phone calls and he’ll be out in no time." They knew you were right, but they didn’t like your arguments. "We do this my way, or you better pray you find them before I do."  

Sam looked hesitant. He knew what you were going to do to the man, and his good conscience chastised him for even thinking of letting you torture someone. But the rational part, the part that knew that in this case there wasn’t much of an option, knew that they needed you, and perhaps you also needed them.  

"Just, don’t kill him." Sam said before walking away.  

Compromise. You could do compromise.  

"Fine," you said, rolling your eyes. 

After Sam slammed the door shut on his way out, you were reminded of the fact that you weren't alone. Bucky’s eyes were already looking at you, the same apologetic eyes you had seen before you kicked him in the chest.  

"Thanks for helping us." He spoke, thinking it was an appropriate way to break the ice, but it only managed to make you scoff.  

"Let’s make something clear, I’m not doing this for you." you spat. "I’m doing this because Sam needs my help and so we can save those innocent girls and stop any more from being taken. This doesn’t change anything between us, as soon as this is over, you go back to leaving me the fuck alone, got it?"  

Say something. Fight for her. Explain what happened, his mind begged him.  

But he couldn’t, because even if it had been almost a year since he last saw you, he was still the same coward who let you walk away without a fight.  

So he agreed.  

"Yeah."  

"Good. I’ll meet you outside." 

Then  

"Thanks for the coffee." Bucky said before taking a sip.  

Droplets of water fell from his forehead, a strand of unruly black hair was hanging on the side of his eyebrows. The towel that hung from his waist, showing his torso all the way down to that sculpted V of his abdomen, made it too difficult to concentrate on the files you were trying to organize.  

The man was hotter than the sun.  

"No problem." you smiled at him.   

You had no idea it would be the best and worst decision you'd ever made when you suggested Bucky stay with you while Steve went to rescue the others.You liked Bucky, and the few days you spent with him while Steve and the others gathered everything they needed so they could go find Zemo had been nice. Sure, he was a man of a few words, but it didn’t bother you. It was weirdly comforting to be able to enjoy someone’s company in silence. And the times he spoke, he did it out of pure curiosity, curiosity about the world, about what had happened while he was in the ice, but mostly about you.  

He asked about your cases, how you met Steve, and how you came to partner with some of the most powerful people in the world. He asked about your life, about your childhood in the orphanage, and what made you choose to help people. He asked so many questions, yet he still respected you when you didn’t want to answer some of them. He asked, not to pry, but to get to know you, and in return, when you asked him something, he was as honest as he felt comfortable being.  

And that was the problem. No matter how much you tried, you knew your days with Bucky Barnes were numbered. Ever since you were young, you knew that being in this line of work would prevent you from having a normal life. You couldn't have a normal relationship. You weren’t meant to have the love story your favorite movies portraited, the white picket fence and the family of five wasn’t in your future.  

Neither was he, maybe in the forties he would’ve came home from war and found himself a pretty girl to marry. But now, after everything he had seen and everything he had unwillingly done, he probably wouldn't want a relationship any time soon. Or maybe not at all.  

But after three weeks of being cramped up in the same little apartment, you were getting used to him. You had developed a little routine together that always ended up with a cup of coffee at the end of the day. Sometimes both of you would just sit in silence, taking in each other's company while you sipped on your cups. Other times, just like now, he would sit next to you as you watched whatever movie you had decided to put on.  

You had to cut this at the root before it became too hard to let go.  

"So, you’re going to Wakanda?"  

He sighs. "Yeah. Steve says they have someone that might be able to help with... help with my..."  

"I know." You finished for him, suddenly placing your hand on top of his. He tensed at your touch, both of you looking down at your hands before you took away yours, embarrassed at your own lack of control. "Well, if you’re not too busy there, I could go visit you sometimes."  

"You would?" he questioned.  

"If you want me, too," you shrugged, trying not to reveal your excitement. 

He looked at you, his thoughts unreadable through his face. For a moment, you thought he was going to reject your offer, but something changed in his eyes. He smiled, the faintest, littlest hint of a smile you had seen, but it was there.  

You made him smile for the first time.  

"Yeah. I’d like that."  

If someone were to ask Bucky when he first felt he could love you, it would be right now. With the dim light of the TV lighting up your face and a shy smile on your lips as you told him you were willing to travel such a long distance just to see him.  

And as you lay next to him, your head against his shoulder, you thought to yourself that maybe you could be selfish for once and allow yourself to enjoy his company a bit more. 

Now  

There were drops of water leaking out of a pipe, he could hear them from the other side of the room. Everything around him was dark, it seemed the only source of light was on top of him and the woman on the floor pleading for her life.   

"Please don’t do this," she begged with a Spanish accent. "I don’t want to die, please."   

He wanted to move, he wanted to throw away the gun in his hand, but it was like he was a spectator of his own life. His body was not his, or his breathing. Not even his heartbeat listened to the inner panic attack he was having. Nothing belonged to him.   

"Kill her," a distorted voice told him. His eyes glanced at him quickly, and he noticed the man had no face. No one around them had one.   

Everything felt like it was in slow motion. His finger moved, pressing the trigger of the gun, but he refused to give up. He had to try, even if his own consciousness was trying to kick him out, sucking him into the pool of darkness he had been resting in for a long time.   

But even if he tried for years, he couldn’t win. He was powerless.   

Broken.   

He could only witness how the other "him" obeyed. The woman's eyes changed from scared to lifeless in less than a second. A splash of crimson staining his combat boots kept his attention. He couldn’t hear what the other people in the room were saying, he didn’t exist anymore, or he didn’t want to. The sound of the water leak was deafening now. Growing louder and louder until it consumed everything around him   

He didn’t want to be awake. Not like this.   

And as he felt himself disappearing, he hoped this was the last time he came back to the surface. He would rather be surrounded by emptiness.   

Yet something interrupted him, pulling him back up.   

A woman's voice, so familiar it made his heartbeat change.   

"Bucky!"  

Bucky's eyes opened wide. His head was spinning, his breathing was rapid, and his heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest. The adrenaline in his system made him dizzy, and he could feel his hands shaking. And he was feeling. A lot. Scared, angry, hopeless. So many emotions constricted his chest, burying him under their weight.  

"Bucky," you repeated. His head snapped at you, showing you a pair of wide, terrified eyes.  

Your feet almost moved. A pure protective instinct filled you with dread at the fact that you couldn’t help him anymore. Your head and your heart were in conflict. In one hand your heart begged you to go to him, stroke his back as you peppered kisses along his shoulder. Then you would lie back in bed while your hands surrounded his body, your front pressed to his back in a way to say, I’m here, I love you, and everything will be alright.  

On the other hand, your brain told you to turn in the other direction. Walk away from the night terrors that plagued his mind and let him suffer in silence. He wasn't your responsibility anymore, and you shouldn't be concerned about helping him with whatever was wrong with him. 

Was it possible to hate and care about someone at the same time?  

"Nightmares?" you couldn’t help yourself from asking. 

His left hand rubbed his eyes, a sigh leaving his lips. "Yeah. Sorry if I woke you up."  

"You didn’t."  

You sat at the table in front of the couch he was lying on, a steaming cup of lavender tea between your hands. The cling of the spoon clashing against the ceramic filled the uncomfortable silence between you.  

"Where’s Sam?" he asked, sitting straight as a couple of droplets of sweat fell down his forehead.  

"He has a contact in the city. He left to meet them."  

"Oh."  

Whatever else he was about to say died on his lips. You noticed he seemed to do that often since meeting again, his eyes speaking the words he would never say. Sometimes you would catch him looking at you, the frown on his forehead deepening with the passing of time. It made you wonder if he would now be open to answering your questions.  

"He said you’re going to therapy."  

He was taken aback by your question. It probably was the first time you said more than the necessary to him. Also, it was the first time that you showed any sort of interest in his life.  

"Uh, yeah. Court mandated."  

You hummed, sipping on your tea.  

"Does it work?"  

You saw the hesitance in his eyes. The way his jaw clenched and his grip on the couch made his knuckles white made you think he was about to change the subject with a witty, bitter, or sarcastic remark, or maybe even just ignore the question at all. You wouldn’t be surprised if he did, by the end of your relationship, he was an expert in it.  

Bucky didn’t change much after all, you thought to yourself  

But he broke the silence.  

"In some ways." he started, his gaze dropping to the floor. "The nightmares don’t come as often anymore, and I don’t feel the need to shoot every asshole that drives a shitty car with a shitty exhaust pipe." You chuckled at his confession, making a slight smirk show on his face. "But she’s too much."  

"What do you mean?"  

He sighed. "She pisses me off. I hate that she keeps trying to make me feel better by just saying my life is better now and I shouldn’t feel like shit anymore. But it’s not that easy. Just like it’s not easy to follow the stupid set of rules she gave me."  

He looked up to see your reaction to his words, expecting to see the same hardened look you’ve given him the past couple of weeks. And it was just that what greeted his eyes, your lips slightly pressed together and your eyes decorated with a slight scowl that only showed up for him.  

But behind the tough exterior, he could see your eyes had softened. For a brief second, your eyes showed care and understanding to what he siad before going back to the usual void stare you gave him.  

"She sounds like a bad therapist." He shrugged in agreement, he couldn’t say anything against the truth. "She also sounds like a bitch."  

He laughed. The type of laugh that caught him off guard and made his lungs run out of air. Granted, your joke might’ve not been as funny as his laugh was giving it credit for, but he had always been fond of your bluntness.  

You couldn’t help but laugh with him too.  

Laughing with Bucky felt foreign yet so familiar at the same time. It felt like reminiscing on a memory you didn’t remember you had, a bittersweet memory that brought back the same good feeling of the memories you built together  

But moments like that couldn’t last forever. Your heart couldn’t afford to remember.  

A text message from Sam lit up your screen, saying his contact had useful information. You stood up from the table after texting him back and drank the rest of the cup's contents. 

"You should try to get some sleep, we have a long day ahead."  

His shoulders dropped slightly.  

"Yeah, you’re right. I’ll try to."  

With nothing left to say, you walked away, leaving Bucky in the loneliness of the night.   

You didn’t go right away to the room you had adopted as your own, though. He heard you going through the kitchen, a dim sound of clinking and pouring reaching him due to his enhanced hearing. He didn't think anything of it; maybe you needed more tea before going to bed. 

Your steps brought you back to him before you placed an object on the coffee table right beside him.  

A cup of lavender tea. 

Then  

"It’s kinda late to be outside, huh?"  

Bucky jolted at the sound of your voice, your presence taking him by surprise. He was completely sure that when he left a couple of hours ago his house was empty and you hadn’t sent a message of your arrival.   

Something had happened? Was someone injured? Were you in trouble?  

His questions died on his lips as you cut the space between you and him short, your arms tightly embracing him. Your head found its place in the crook of his neck, his long hair falling on your face. His hands took a second to respond, but they eventually wrapped around your waist, bringing you closer to his chest.  

You stayed like that for what felt like ages, just taking in each other's warmth. He missed you, even if he tried to deny it every time his thoughts would wander to you. He tried to convince himself that his reclusion made him miss everyone he considered a friend, and in a world where everyone seemed to want him dead, you were one of the few people he trusted.  

He had been staying in Wakanda for nearly six months, and out of those six months, you had visited him at least once every month. The duration of your trip would vary, sometimes you would stay only a few hours, with most of your time spent in his hut while sharing stories of the outside and his progress. Other times, you'd stay for days, with the longest stay being a week and a half. In those cases, he would show you the surroundings, the forest that surrounded the back of his hut or take you on a long walk alongside the river that crossed his home. Sometimes you'd sit outside and stare at the stars, your only company being the animals and the flora. 

He also came to hate every time you would leave, feeling like a part of himself was leaving with you.  

One of his hands landed on the side of your hips, the other searching for your face.Your grip on him grew tighter once his fingers brushed the skin on your face but you eventually let go, allowing his hand to guide you slightly away from him.  

"What happened?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.  

You didn’t respond, but one look into your eyes, and he knew the answer. Whatever it was, it had affected you to the core, the broken look in your eyes could only be compared to the one he saw every time he looked at his reflection in the mirror.  

His forehead rested on yours, both your eyes closing at the contact.  

"It’s ok. I got you."  

His hand found yours as he guided you toward his bed. It wasn’t until then that he noticed you still had your tactical gear on, dirt and crystals still hiding in some places. He grabbed the buckle of your vest, his eyes asking for permission to get it off. A slight nod gave him the confirmation, beginning the process of somewhat freeing you of the events you had seen. He got rid of his own garments too, leaving you both standing in front of yourselves with only underwear covering you. He dragged you into bed, your frames covered by the light white sheets on his bed. 

Not many times had he allowed himself to think of you in a sexual manner, knowing how his body would react in a lustful way. But as he found himself looking at you with barely any clothes on, the desire was left on the back burner of his brain. You needed him. You needed his comfort, and he was more than willing to give it to you.  

He would give you anything you asked for.  

His hand rested on your face, tracing circles across your cheek, your eyes closed at the soothing action.  

"I’m sorry." Your voice trembled. He could see you wanted to say more, but words failed to come out of your mouth  

Bucky’s heart ached. He had never seen you in such a vulnerable state, and his mind was going cray at the thought of not being able to do anything to help you.  

"It’s ok, sunshine. You don’t have to talk about it."  

So you lay there, head against his chest, as he kept you between his arms, with nothing other than the sound of the crickets outside his hut surrounding you. And for the first time in a long time, you felt what being loved felt like.  

That night, you kissed him for the first time. You didn’t stop, not even the next morning when he woke you up with breakfast already made and a cup of lavender tea. 

 Now  

"Bring him to the table!" you yelled.  

Your hand swept across the surface, knocking over every piece of paper, pencil, and piece of equipment. The vibrations of the heavier objects on the concrete floors matched the beating of your heart.  

Bucky dropped Sam on the table. The man had gone unconscious on the ride to the safe house, the bullet wound that oozed liquid crimson was most likely the cause.The same crimson color now stains Bucky's clothes, and his leather gloves were also covered in a thin layer of it.  

You brought your knife to slash through his clothes, the sharp metal cutting through them as if they were butter. The hole on his shoulder seemed to have no exit, the bullet was still inside him. You were glad Sam wasn’t conscious for the next hour.  

The super soldier hovered over you for the entirety of the time you spent cleaning through the fragments that splintered from the bullet. Everything went relatively well until Sam started waking up, his body contorting in pain as you dug through his wound. Bucky brought him a bottle of vodka while you injected him with some local anesthesia.  

Hours later, the wounded man was now resting on the only bed the safehouse had, his breathing bringing great comfort as it meant he was still alive. After half a bottle of vodka and a some painkillers diluted on his IV, you were sure he wouldn’t wake up until tomorrow.  

The faucet sprayed cold water onto your palms. Your nails desperately tried to scrape away the traces of blood that still lingered in your skin, leaving red marks all across your knuckles. Dirt and dried blood were trapped underneath your fingernails, and no matter how much you tried to dig it out, it would stay right there.  

Bucky’s footsteps brought you out of your trance, the heavy sound of his combat boots felt deafening with each step he took. You tried to tune him out, focusing once again on the sound of water, but it seemed as if Bucky had made it his purpose to be as loud as possible. You held onto the sink so strongly that you were sure it would snap.  

A deep rage came from your stomach, spreading all over your body. The anger constricted your chest in such a way that you weren’t sure if somehow you were buried under a collapsed building, its weight invisibly crushing you.  

It was his fault. It was all his fault.  

You didn’t remember walking outside the bathroom, nor did you remember walking up to him and slapping away the cup of water his hand held.  

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" you barked at him.  

"I—"  

"I gave you one task. You had to wait until I gave you the signal so you could come in. Not guns blazing, not punching everyone that comes your way, not drawing everyone's attention to us. Your only fucking job was to wait for the distributor to show up and wait for my goddamn signal."  

"What did you want me to do? Just stand there and do nothing?" he argued.  

You were taken aback by his response. Part of you expected him to just let you scream at him and give you the same soft eyes he always gave you when you spoke to him.You weren't expecting him to snap back at you or to defend himself. 

Maybe if things hadn’t gone sour between you two, you would’ve listened to what he said, and in return, he would’ve listened to you. But the anger was too strong to be subdued.  

"I wanted you to follow the fucking plan."  

"He was about to torture you!"  

Bucky's thoughts returned to the old factory turned whorehouse.The way you had purposefully gotten caught and how they had tied you to an exposed pipe line. He could still hear the sound of the man’s hand smashing against your cheek.  

"I can handle myself! I told you guys to stay put until the distributor was there. He knows I’m after him, and this was our only chance to catch him. And now he’s god knows where and Sam got fucking shot."  

A heartbeat passed before Bucky came close to your face. His big frame towered over you, and his breathing hit your face.  

"You’re fucking delusional if you think I was just going to let anything happen to you."  

You scoffed, "Oh, so now you care?"  

"I’ve always cared."  

You pulled away from him, your eyes rolling at his pathetic words.  

"Sure."  

Perhaps it was the fact that you had been in danger no longer than a couple of hours ago, or maybe it was the heat of the fight that had left some residues on him. Whatever it was, it made Bucky courageous enough to reach for your arm.  

"Look at me."  

You swatted him away.  

"Don’t fucking touch me."  

But this time he wasn't going down without a fight.Not again.  

"I know I was an asshole at the end of our relationship, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care for you anymore."  

A bitter laugh came out of you. All of this had to be some sick joke. "When you care about someone, you don’t treat them like that. You didn’t care about me, and you sure as hell didn’t love me."  

His hand tried to touch you again, and this time you let him. You were tired. Tired of fighting with him. You closed your eyes as soon as his skin came in contact with yours, his touch consuming all of your senses.  

You opened your eyes to find him staring back at you, the blue eyes that once hurt you shining the same way they did the first time you kissed him.  

"I did love you," he whispered into your lips. "I still do."  

His words burned you like someone had branded you with hot iron in the chest.Even after all this time, he could still hurt you, Why couldn’t he just leave you alone? Why did he have to bring back the past you so fiercely tried to leave behind?  

"Don’t." Your lower lip quivered. "Y-you can't just break my heart and then come back into my life and just say you still love me."  

"I never stopped loving you."  

Those five words were all it took to tear down what little control you had over yourself. A year ago it would've broken you to hear them but now they only brought a deep sense of indignation. 

With a quick move, you pulled his hand away from you, your hands pushing against his chest until he hit the wall. You wanted him to hurt. You wanted to carve his heart out of his ribcage and throw it far away, maybe then he would understand what it felt like.  

"Where was your love when I needed it, huh? Where was your love when I had no one else? Where was your love when I reached for you every night but you were already gone? Where was your love when I begged you to love me, to be there for me?" Your hands were clutching his jacket, and your vision was blurred by tears."Where the fuck was your love when you brought that girl to your apartment?"  

Bucky never saw you like this, not even when he stomped on your heart with his indifference. Under the anger, the hate, and the surface indifference you showed him, he could see how broken you were. He could see how you were constantly struggling to put the pieces of yourself back together that he had torn apart. 

He hated himself for extinguishing parts of you. 

"I’m sorry."  

A lapse of judgment.  

That’s what you would tell anyone who asked you why you kissed Bucky that night. You would say that you had been blinded by the pure rage his mere presence would bring you. Or perhaps you would take the easy route and you would say that with everything that happened that night, almost being tortured and Sam getting hurt, you had acted in a primitive instict of searching comfort.  

The truth was different. You could lie to yourself and say that you didn’t needed Bucky, not after all the things he had done. You lied to yourself constantly when you told yourself you were over him. You also lied to yourself when you claimed that your one-night stands had fulfilled you in the same way that Bucky had. 

You couldn’t feel anything, not ever since you walked out of his apartment. You had tried different people, different cities. You had tried different alcohols and different drugs. You had tried anything that could help you fill the emptiness that had found a permanent home inside you. You felt nothing, not until you saw those cerulean eyes again.  

Your kiss was aggressive, your lips smashing against his with strength and your hands finding their place in the back of his head. It took a second for Bucky to kiss you back as he thought his mind was playing tricks with him. But after you pressed yourself against his chest, his body reacted on muscle memory alone, his arms surrounding your waist.  

It wasn’t what you expected, though. You thought that the specks of love that remained between you would be enough to bring back whatever it was that you were missing. Instead, you were met with the most intense hatred you've ever felt, mixed with the melancholy of what could've been. 

He tasted like the past, but he still hurt like the present.  

So you made a decision.If you couldn't bring yourself to love Bucky Barnes anymore, you would hate him with all that remained of your soul. You would hate him until both of you burned in the flames of your agony. You'd despise him until you'd ripped every part that matched the ones he'd so easily broken. 

"I hate you," you whispered between kisses. "I fucking hate you."  

Your words were daggers to his heart. His chest tightened, and his grip on you faltered for a second before he snapped out of it. This wasn’t about him. If you needed to tell him how much you despised him, he would gladly let you kill him with your words. It was the least you deserved.  

"I know," he mumbled against your lips.  

He felt your body guiding him through the room until the back of his legs hit against the couch where he would sleep. Your hands pushed against his chest, making him sit on the couch while you straddled his lap.  

Clothes flew across the room, and you found yourself tearing his shirt apart in two while he only pulled yours off.You'd worry about that later; right now, nothing was more important than feeling your skin against his. 

Your hands traveled over his chest, fingers grazing every part of his abdomen as you trailed down to his zipper. You palmed him over his jeans, his cock already hard, and you felt it twitch against the fabric with every touch you gave him. Groans left Bucky’s lips.  

"I hate you," you repeated as a mantra.  

He shouldn’t make you feel this way, but as you see his head going back when your hand opened his fly and found it’s place around his cock you felt your own desire pooling in your lower belly and the aching in your core became unbearable.  

With swift movements, Bucky got rid of his pants and his underwear while you remained on top of him. With your frame still covered by a black lace bra and your black tactical pants on, he couldn't help but feel exposed when he looked at you.Deciding he didn’t wanted to be the only one naked his hands went to the side of your hips in efforts to get you rid of the fabric but your hand swatted him away.  

Beg me, your eyes said.  

For a moment, he considered tearing your pants apart the same way you had done with his shirt. However, the seriousness behind your eyes warned him that he might end things too soon if his stubbornness got in the way. So he gave in.  

"Please, Sunshine." His hands gripped your waist, his hips grinding against your still-wrapped core, sending shivers down your spine."Please, let me see you."  

You relented, unbuttoning your pants and throwing them away with your panties. In what were the longest seconds of Bucky’s life, you unclasped your bra, finally getting rid of the last barrier your body held on to.  

You stood there, completely naked, staring at Bucky.He remembered the way your breasts felt when he held them. He remembered how soft your skin was. He remembered that if he bit on the skin of your neck, right where the jugular is, you would clench around him. He remembered. In the lonely nights when he needed some release, he would close his eyes and imagine your lips around his cock as he fisted himself in the solitude of his apartment. 

All those memories didn’t compare to watching you in the flesh, with hungry, hateful eyes on him as you walked back to straddle him again.  

His cock twitched once your legs fell to his sides, the heat of your body settling on his crotch. You sat on top of him, your wetness welcoming him once you lowered yourself. His length placed itself right between your lips, and a groan left him.  

"Fuck."  

Your hips began rocking in slow but sharp motions as he felt his cock coated with your slick. Slowly, you built up a rhythm that made both of you moan. His hands landed again on your hips, his fingers pressing on your skin in a way that was certain to leave bruises the next day. Your own hands gripped on Bucky’s biceps for stability, and you squeezed them every time you would feel him brushing against your clit.  

You felt amazing on top of him, but that wasn’t what made his heart pound against his chest.  

It was your eyes. Your eyes never left him, no matter how much pleasure you were pulling from both of you and how badly you wanted to roll your eyes as the coil inside of you tightened. Your eyes, which once showed him what love could look like, now looked at him with a simmering hatred he could not shake.  

His chest tightened at the thought of never seeing them again. The electricity that ran through his body was replaced by a deep sense of hopelessness, and the more he kept his gaze on you, the more it amplified. You must’ve sensed the change in him because your movements stopped.  

Broken eyes now stared at you with the ghost of tears in them. The anger that had driven your actions and your thoughts through all this had now subsided, allowing itself to mix with melancholy.   

I love you. I’m sorry. I miss you. His eyes said.  

I hate you. I’ll never forgive you. I wish I never met you. Yours answered.  

And in the middle of the lust that was taking place right on the couch, both of your hearts broke again.  

You pulled him back for a kiss that tasted of desperation and sorrow as tears fell from both your eyes. The saltiness of the tears bled into the kiss and mixed with it.Quickly, your hand guided his tip to your entrance. You needed him inside you like a person lost in the desert needs water. You craved him with every cell in your body, and it tore your heart apart.  

"So tight." He moaned in your mouth as you sank into him.  

The stretch of his length burned as you forced yourself to take him fully. It hurt, and even with your arousal completely covering him, you weren't prepared to take his thick length.You didn’t care though, you hoped it would make you forget your heartbreak. Bucky tried to stop you as he felt you struggling to take him in. His hands held your waist, but you shook your head before you started bouncing on him.  

You didn’t want love from him. You didn’t want tenderness or care. You wanted roughness. You wanted strength and aggressiveness until the only thing you could feel was the ache between your legs.  

The super soldier gave you what you wanted.  

Bucky’s pace was brutal, his cock hitting the sweet spot only he could reach. The sound of his hips colliding with yours filled the room, bouncing off the walls and echoing through the hallway outside.In the back of his mind, Bucky was thankful Sam was knocked out with meds so he could be spared from the obscene orchestra your bodies played.  

The pain quickly turned into pleasure. Your walls hugged him tightly, each thrust carried a strength that left you breathless. At some point your legs had given in, the only reason why you kept bouncing was the snap of his hips pushing you. He didn’t let go of you though, instead he pushed you against his chest in an embrace that surrounded you tightly.  

Your head rested against his while your hands stayed on his chest. The sadness that mixed with the pleasure numbed everything else except for the bubbling up of your release. It pained you to admit that no one else could make you feel like Bucky, you had tried to find someone who could replicate what his touch could do for you, but no one ever came close.  

You hated how much you missed him and how much you needed him.  

"I wish you would’ve stayed dead." you panted. The poison behind your words shredded his heart. He knew you were saying it to hurt him, he knew you didn’t mean it, but the conviction behind it felt like a kick in the chest. "I wish we never brought you back."  

"Me too." he finally admitted.  

Bucky felt your walls constrict around him, and he could tell you were close. He drew you in for one last kiss, the kind that took your breath away. The type of kiss that was a solace in a world of agony. The type of kiss that meant a promise that carried forever.  

You tightened around him as you came, and his thrusts slowed down as he rode you through your high. As you closed your eyes, more tears fell from the corners, so he reached out to wipe them away.Once you had recovered a little, his brutal pace came back, this time chasing his own release. You brought your lips to kiss his neck, feathery, soft kisses, and he felt his balls tightening. He was so close.  

He tried to pull out so he could fist himself to the end but you didn’t budge, instead whispering in his ear.  

"Inside."  

He came harder than he had done in the last year. You felt his cock twitching inside as he covered your walls with his cum, the mess between your release and his own dripping out of you. You kept bouncing on top of him, making sure to return the favor by guiding him all the way through the end.  

You stood up, the feeling of emptiness making you shudder when his cock left you, and his cum started leaking out of you. You turned to go find something to clean yourself up, but his metal hand stopped you. He guided you back to the couch before he walked towards the bathroom. A few minutes later, he came back with a towel, and he positioned himself right between your legs.  

He cleaned you up just like he had done for so many years before.His other hand caressed your thigh as he made sure to wipe everything. And just as he always did for years, once he finished, he kissed your inner thigh, a couple of inches away from your pussy.  

Bucky threw the towel to the floor, he would worry about it in the morning.As for right now, the only thing he wanted was to hold you close. So he did. He thanked the couch was big enough to fit you both as you layed together. He pulled the blanket he used to warm himself every night over you, and his arm surrounded your waist, his grip making your back settle against his front. His left hand traced lazy circles over your stomach while the other was used as your pillow.  

For a few seconds, both of you allowed yourselves to reminisce in the past. He kissed the top of your head as you snuggled against him like you usually did. And as you felt his warmth behind you and inhaled his scent, everything seemed to be alright once again.  

Except they weren’t. Bucky wasn’t the man who made you feel secure anymore, and you weren’t the woman who trusted him with all her heart. Both of them belonged to the past.  

"I don’t love you anymore. I will never love you again." you broke the silence.  

Bucky held you tighter as his heart broke once again.  

"I don’t deserve your love." He whispered. "But I’ll still love you forever." 

Then  

Loving Bucky Barnes was never easy.   

It wasn’t all bad, though. For many years you had been together, three and a half to be exact, where you could imagine a life with. Three years where there was no one you trusted more or preferred to be with.Three years that were the happiest of your life.  

Those were a few of the reasons why he had asked you to marry him. And those were also a few of the reasons why you had said yes.  

You had told yourself at the beginning that you couldn’t get attached to him for the safety of your heart. It didn’t matter that his touch felt like home or that during the times you spent apart, his eyes would be the only comfort you would find in your dreams. He would bring more heartbreak than love.  

Oh, how right you had been.  

Unfortunately for you, the heartbreak would come in a way you couldn’t have prevented.  

The snap came and took him away from you. One second he was standing next to you, the next he was turning into dust that flew into the wind. The last thing he had said was your name and after that half the population was gone.  

The years went by in a blur. Between nights filled with drugs and alcohol and days spent cramped up in your apartment, you were wallowing in the type of sadness that the rest of the population could understand. You kept your ring in your finger, it reminding you that what your memories craved for were real.  

Bucky had been real.  

With his departure, he had also taken your heart. 

After a particularly bad night where you crashed your vehicle into a contention bar, Tony had taken it upon himself to help you, offering you a home close to his secluded one. You took it, not because you wanted to get better but because you wanted solitude. But if life had taught you anything about Tony Stark, it was that he was as stubborn as they come.  

Every morning he would bring you breakfast along with a visit from a certain little baby that always wanted to be held by you, and sometimes she would be able to bring a small smile to your face. With time, the little baby turned into a little girl that would ask for a sleepover every once in a while, and you would gladly accept the offer to allow Tony and Pepper a night alone.  

Things got better. You visited Steve and Natasha at the compound and even allowed yourself to go in missions of your own, as it turned out not even The Snap could make criminals take a break. You even went to one of Steve’s depressing support group meetings, never returning for the next one.  

You couldn’t be strong all the time, though. Some nights, when the pain was so strong that it drowned you and the grief was too powerful to keep at bay, you would find yourself staring at the hundreds of pictures you had taken of him. Most of them were of you together, but there were a few you took when he wasn’t looking. The sunset behind him as he breathed in the clean air of Wakanda, or the small smile on his face as he tasted the food he cooked for you both.Even when he was reading some of the books he kept under his bed and a few wrinkles would show on his forehead as his whole focus remained in the text, he always looked beautiful.  

With time, everything felt like a routine. Waking up alone, eating alone, going outside alone. Sleeping alone. Everything seemed to be stable, not good or bad, but just stable. You were sure this was the best you could do, or at least the best it could get.  

That is, until a ray of hope appeared. 

Time travel was the answer. Taken as a whole, it seemed like something out of a science fiction film, but it made sense.Bring the stones back and along with them everyone that had died. Surprisingly, it had worked, everyone that had been snapped away came back just as they had left. It should have been a moment of joy. It should've.  

The thing about hope is that it comes with a price. Natasha and Tony were the price to pay.  

Steve left shortly after.  

You understood him. You understood why he left everything and everyone behind to go live a life with the woman he had always loved. You would be a liar if you said you wouldn’t have done the same if you were in his position. You understood why he did it but it still hurt to know you weren’t enough of a reason to stay and live a life together.  

It seemed like you were on a streak of losing people. Wherever you turned, more people kept leaving your life. Wanda was gone, turned into the madness that grief could bring. Thor left to save other planets that needed him. Bruce... well, you weren’t sure where Bruce was, but he didn’t try to contact you.   

Everyone was gone but Sam and Bucky.  

Bucky. Your Bucky. The man you had spent the past five years crying for. The man who made you the happiest you'd ever felt.The man who felt like home.  

But he wasn't your Bucky any longer. 

This Bucky didn’t kiss you with the same tenderness he did so many years ago. Instead, he'd barely move his lips once yours touched his in what you'd call a mediocre peck.He also never initiated a kiss, it was you who always reached out for him.  

This Bucky didn’t held you at night. Instead, he'd turn around, his back to you, and even if you reached for him between dreams, he'd guide your hand back to your side of the bed.Some nights, he would even choose to sleep on the floor of the living room when he thought you were asleep. It was as if the thought of touching you seemed appalling to him.  

This Bucky never hugged you. 

This Bucky never talked to you with love  only with annoyance and indifference.  

This Bucky never woke you up with breakfast.  

This Bucky never tried to sleep with you.  

This Bucky never said I love you.  

Because this Bucky didn’t love you.  

But you held hope, foolishly. Every day you tried to talk to him, show him in every possible way that you were still here with him. Every day you tried to make things better between you, you poured your heart and soul to try to fix what you didn’t even know was broken.  

Things got worse a couple of months later.   

As it turned out, time had taken a toll on Steve’s body, and one night he went to bed and never woke up. You found it a bit ironic the man out of time had finally run out of time.  

His funeral was held on a sunny spring afternoon. People from all over the world showed up to say their final goodbyes to the man who had saved the world so many times. Friends, people he had saved, and heroes paid their respects to him. The first super soldier had finally been put to rest.  

After everyone had cleared out, you went back to drop one last token for his departure. It was a picture of the both of you. Steve’s arm hung over your shoulders while both of you held a couple of beers. It had been the first time you had seen Steve outside of work related situations. That was the beginning of your friendship.  

As you got back to his tombstone, you saw Bucky standing in front of it. His eyes were void of any expression, and he didn’t seem to be talking to Steve’s grave either. Bucky was just there, staring at the place where his best friend was buried.  

He didn’t seem to notice when you stood next to him, nothing in his body gave any signs of acknowledgement. You gave him a couple of minutes before you reached for his hand. You knew that, even if he didn’t show it, he was in great pain. He had lost his last connection to the life he had once lived.  

You wanted to be there to help him through his pain.  

The contact only lasted a few seconds. Your touch surprised him, as he had jolted once your skin grazed his own. He turned his head to the side to give you a glare that you’ve never seen before. His eyes had been filled with pain, as you guessed, but they also carried hatred and disdain. He must’ve seen your expression, because a second later his eyes changed to a neutral expression.  

"What are you doing here?" he muttered.  

The shock of his stare lingered in you for a moment, but you quickly returned to yourself, a friendly smile on your face."I came to leave a little parting gift."  

He hummed in acknowledgement, not sparing another glance at you as you put the photograph against the headstone, right in between the dozens of flowers that decorated it. Both of you stayed silent after that, the sounds of the birds and the faint rumbling of cars were the only sounds keeping you company. It was peaceful. It was good. Just the two of you enjoying a moment's calmness in silence. 

For a few moments, you felt comfortable next to him. The first time in months since he came back. But good moments like that never lasted long.  

Without notice, he turned around. Long, desperate strides guided him towards the exit of the graveyard. He wanted to create distance between you and him, find somewhere that was as far away from you as he could be. You felt how you were losing him.  

But you fought for him, even when he seemed to not deserve it.  

"Bucky." You called for him. He stopped in his tracks, but he didn’t turn around, so you took that as a sign to keep going. "I know you’re hurting right now, I am too, but I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you."  

He didn’t answer for a few seconds, and you thought you had made a breakthrough. Maybe this was the time when things went uphill. This was the little push he needed to start healing and perhaps to try to rebuild the bridges that had burned. This was the little thread of hope you'd hung up on.  

You were wrong.  

"You have no idea how I feel," he said before leaving.  

That night you came back to your cabin, and Bucky’s things were gone. The only thing left was a note that rested in the middle of the bed.  

I found an apartment in the city. I need space.  

You didn’t see him for a couple of months after that. You considered tracking him down but ultimately gave up as he had asked for space. He needed time on his own, and you could give it to him. You would give him anything he asked for.  

You kept your word until Strange came to visit you, announcing news about Wanda. She was dead.  

You barely remembered tracking down his address or making your way there. It wasn’t until you were facing his door that you realized what you had done. He asked for space but in that moment, you couldn’t give it to him. You needed your Bucky.  

Knock, knock, knock.  

It was late in the night, and you could hear the TV going on in the living room. He had to be home. After a few minutes without an answer, you knocked again, but the only thing that welcomed you was silence.  

"Bucky," you called. Your voice was broken, you tried to fight the tears away, but saying his name broke what little self-control you had left. "Please open the door."  

You rested your forehead against the door, finally allowing yourself to feel everything you had been pushing back ever since the fight with Thanos. Pain, grief, loneliness, hatred, sadness, despair. A cocktail of emotions ran through you in an overwhelming way and seemed to want to drown you.  

"I know you’re in there." You cried. The tears that ran down your face landed on the floor. "I just— I know I said I could be strong for the both of us, but... I need you."  

You knocked on the door again, this time with the side of your fist. The desperate sound of your knocking bounced through the walls of the deserted hallway.  

"Please Bucky, please open the door. Wanda is dead." Your own cries stopped you from talking, the hole in your chest seemed to get bigger and bigger with each passing second. "Nat, Tony, Steve, Wanda. All of them are dead, and I—I can’t. I can’t keep losing people. I can’t lose you."  

You couldn’t do this alone, not anymore. Your heart couldn’t take it anymore.  

"I love you. God, I love you so much. I know you want space, but right now I need your love, Bucky. I need you to love me like you used to. Please love me." You begged.  

And you waited. You waited for what seemed like hours, but it probably was just thirty minutes until you accepted he wasn’t coming out.  

 You left with half a heart that night.  

Two weeks later, you came back to his apartment, ready to demand an explanation. Your love for him was strong, but you needed him to talk to you. You were ready to fight for your future. You were ready to fight for your love.  

"Bucky!" you yelled as you knocked aggressively. "Bucky, open the fucking door!"  

The door didn’t take long to open. It surprised you, your confidence and anger faltered for a second. This was a sign, perhaps it was him being ready to fight for you too. This was him showing you he still loved you.  

Except the person who opened the door wasn’t Bucky.  

It was a girl. A short brunette that was covered by Bucky’s black T-shirt and nothing more.  

"Hi."  

You wanted to scream. You wanted to burst into tears. You wanted to burn the world and leave everything behind. You wanted to die. But the only thing you could do was stay there and stare at the girl.  

"Umm, Bucky is not here." She said awkwardly, your intense stared made her uncomfortable.  

"Do you know where he is?" You questioned her. The words came out rougher than you intended, but as the heartbreak and despair set in, you couldn't care less. 

"No. I, um, when I woke up he was already gone." She pulled the hem of the t-shirt down in an effort to convey her nervousness, but it only infuriated you more. "Are you a friend of his?"  

You wanted to laugh. God, this couldn’t be happening.  

"Yeah, of sorts."  

"I can let you in so we can wait for him, but I have to leave in like twenty minutes."  

"You can’t call him?" you asked, bitterly. You knew Bucky had gotten a new phone but he never gave you his number.  

Her face blushed before she answered. "No, uh. We met last night, and he didn’t give me his number.  

"Oh."  

You didn’t know what would be worse, if he had seen this girl ever since he left your cabin or the fact that he had a one night stand with a random girl. It didn’t matter, though, Bucky Barnes had crushed your heart.  

The girl, whose name was Clara, kept her word, leaving minutes later as she had to go to work. She seemed like a nice girl who had no idea the man she had slept with was engaged. And perhaps in another world you would’ve been nicer to her if your heart hadn’t collapsed in on itself when she opened the door. Maybe she was a little naïve, as she let you stay inside the apartment so you could wait on Bucky. She had also asked you to give him her number, the digits scribbled on a piece of paper.  

You broke down the moment she closed the door behind her. You thought of trashing the place, breaking every piece of furniture he owned, and burning all his clothes in a pit in the middle of his living room. You imagined yourself hurling the stupid leather jacket he seemed to be fond of lately.You also thought about settling for burning everything to the crisp, wanting to see the look on his eyes once he saw his apartment consumed by flames.  

You didn’t do any of those things, though; instead, you waited. This time, hours actually went by, the once bright morning turned into the darkness of the night, and you never moved from your spot on the couch, not even to turn on the lights.  

Bucky came back to his apartment around 11 p.m. When he noticed the apartments' lack of lightning, he felt relieved not to have to deal with the girl he had taken home the night before. By the looks of it, she left a while ago.  

He turned on the light before taking of his jacket, placing it on the coat hanger next to the door.As he walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water, he tossed his keys on the counter.He had to change the sheets on his bed and do laundry tomorrow. The glass was half full when a voice behind him spoke.  

"You have a nice place here."  

The glass dropped from his hands into the kitchen sink. His head snapped quickly towards you, finding you seated in the middle of his couch. He turned off the sink, before making his way toward you. You couldn’t be here, not today of all days.  

"How the hell did you get in here?" he barked.  

He didn’t mean it like that, not in the way it sounded. He wasn’t angry at you being inside his apartment, he was scared. Scared that you had arrived at the wrong time and seen something you weren’t meant to see.  

He finally stood in front of you and saw it. Your nose was slightly puffy and red, like you had been crying for some time. Your shoulders were slumped, defeat washing over your posture. But the thing that hurt the most to see was the pain behind your eyes. It wasn’t the normal type of pain of loss or grief as you had experienced these past months. No, it was something else.  

It was the pain of heartbreak and betrayal.  

It couldn’t be.  

You couldn't have been here when she was still in his house. There was no way, life could not hate him this way. It had to be something else that broke your heart, he had hurt you many times this past couple of months, and today was probably the day it all crashed down. It had to be that.  

"Clara let me in."  

No.  

"Nice girl, she left her number for you."  

You knew, you had seen the girl who was apparently named Clara, he didn’t really remember it. Bucky knew he had to do something, anything that could save your relationship. Perhaps if he begged you not to leave him, to let him explain everything that had been going on with him, and if he spent the rest of his days making it up to you, then you would stay. Maybe you could forgive him.  

He didn’t do any of that, though. The same thoughtless attitude washed over him like it had done ever since he came back. It was as if his brain forced him to act this way in order to protect his own heart in the long run. 

Instead of doing everything he could to fix this, he shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest.  

"How long?" you asked. Bucky could see your eyes watering as you tried to keep yourself together. He hated himself. "How long have you been cheating on me?"  

His mouth answered without his permission.  

"Does it even matter?"  

Maybe he was right. Maybe it the answer wouldn’t change the way you were feeling; if anything, it was bound to hurt you more. But a part of you wanted to know the truth, to extinguish the other half of your heart.  

You didn’t budge, so Bucky finally answered, not before rolling his eyes. "She’s the only one. I met her yesterday in a bar. "He shrugged. "It just happened."  

You knew the answer, yet it still hit you with the force of a thousand bricks. He admitted it. He fucking admitted it and he didn’t even show a single morsel of remorse. There weren't any apologies or begs, no promises, or big romantic and sorrowful speeches. You could feel your own love being smothered, the flames that had once brought so much warmth to your soul were replaced by cold and emptiness.  

Bucky Barnes didn’t love you anymore. 

Now  

Bruises covered your body as well as new injuries that would probably give you more scars. Dirt and blood slid down the drain, exhaustion settling in as your muscles relaxed. The droplets of water fell against your body, washing away everything that had happened today.  

You found the intel, you knew every single name of everyone involved with the heinous experiments you were chasing.  

You had almost died, one of the guys Bucky and you had cornered, had a bomb attached to his chest. You tried to stop him, your gun pointing at his head, but you were too slow. The explosion shook the entire structure, causing a chain collapse of the floors around you. 

Bucky had jumped to protect you, his body acting as a human shield, deflecting some of the impact.His flesh arm had a large metal piece embedded in it, as well as some burns on his back. The explosion had knocked you both out of the air, and the resulting wave had thrown you both across the room. 

As you tried to shake away the confusion and the ringing from your ears, you felt his hand find its place along your face and travel to your stomach. As he scanned you, blue eyes looked at you with fogginess but also deep concern. 

"You ok?" he had whispered.  

You nodded, but your mind was still fuzzy, perhaps you had hit your head, but you couldn’t remember much.  

But you remembered the desperation. You remembered everything crumbling apart as you tried to make your way to the exit. You remembered Sam’s voice screaming through your earpieces to get the fuck out of there. You remembered Bucky's hand always keeping you safe, guiding you through the clouds of cement and smoke.  

You also remembered how Bucky’s steps faltered before collapsing. Neither of you had noticed he had a second piece of metal scrap buried between his ribs. If he had removed it, his enhanced healing would have taken care of it, but the extenuating movements had caused damage to his lungs, bleeding, and a lack of oxygen, causing him to pass out. 

You remembered screaming for Sam’s help, begging him to help you save Bucky. You remembered the tears falling from your eyes as you tried to pull Bucky to safety, begging him not to die, begging him to wake up. You remembered the fire catching up to you, it’s warmth burning your skin. You wanted to kill Bucky, you would be happy if you never seen his face again, dance on top of his grave as you celebrated the end of his existance.  

Then why were you fighting so hard to save him?  

"Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. You can’t do this to me!"  

"Bucky wake the fuck up!"  

"Please! I can’t lose you like this!"  

Fortunately, Sam came for you, him and all his Captain America glory had saved both of you, his wings protecting all three of you as you carried Bucky outside. You had barely gone a few steps ahead when the building finally set one last explosion, ending with everything on it's way.All three of you landed on the floor with a thud as the shock wave reached you.  

You focused your attention on Bucky's wound, which was already healing, but his lack of response worried you.His breathing was barely existent, and his heartbeat was decreasing. You had straddled his lap and began performing CPR on him while asking Sam to go fetch the adrenaline shot you stored in the vehicle. You had punctured Bucky's chest with it, and after a few seconds, he had woken up.  

You remembered clinging to him as he tried to sit straight, the desperation finally gone from your body.  

The body behind you wrapped his hands along your waist, pulling you out of your memories and spreading the soap he had covered you with. Bucky's fingers traced all the way down your body, removing every trace of stress. 

After everything happened, Sam told you to go back to the safehouse while he met with Joaquin to try and start locating people with the intel you had gathered. You thought about fighting him, but one look at Bucky and any fight you had left was done.  

A knowing look from Sam told you this wasn’t just to let both of you rest and get cleaned up. It was a second chance.  A second chance at the talk you had avoided to had with Bucky ever since that night you slept together.  

You drove back to the safehouse, and once you had gotten inside, everything crumbled apart inside of you. As you reached out to Bucky, your tears had fallen, your hand lingering in his fleshy arm, right where his wound was.His hand cupped your face, his thumb tracing the stream of blood that fell from your eyebrow. In the silence of the room, no words were exchanged, but both your hearts understood.  

Just for today, you would allow yourselves to comfort each other.  

His lips peppered kisses along your shoulder as he cleaned you, his lips sometimes finding your neck or your lips when you would press yourself against him. As you spread the shampoo over his head, your fingers massaged his scalp with the tenderness he had missed, his eyes closing every time you hit the right spot. 

After drying yourselves and changing into new clothes, you both layed on the bed, covered over the head with the thin white sheet you had. You faced each other, blue eyes meeting yours. Your fingers found his face as you traced along every crevice and line you hadn’t seen before. Bucky appeared to have aged years in the time you hadn't seen him, but he remained as beautiful as ever. 

Your heart ached in your chest, and you couldn’t fight it anymore. You had denied yourself the other feelings that remained inside of you other than hate and betrayal, but today, as death seemed to call for both of you, it was clear you didn’t want Bucky Barnes to die. A part of you hated him so deeply you weren’t sure you would be able to stop, but no matter how strong the hatred was, you were sure a part of you still loved him.  

However, that part of you was broken. Battered and bruised to death by his own doing but it was still there. It was locked inside the thousand-foot wall you had built around it to keep it safe. Refusing to ask questions, refusing to talk to him, and refusing to admit the pain you were in. But in doing so you hadn’t given yourself the opportunity to heal. To move on.  

So you allowed yourself to feel and to talk. For both your sake and his. 

"Why did you do it?" you broke the silence. His breathing faltered as your hand retracted back to your side. "Why did you hurt me like that?"  

Bucky struggled to find the right words. You were asking him the same question he had asked himself for many, many nights. He asked himself that question when he wouldn’t reach for you at night. He asked himself that question when he didn’t open the door for you.  

He asked himself that question when you walked out of his life.  

You deserved the truth. The whole, unapologetic, heartfelt truth. So he gave it to you.  

"The first time I came back to myself, after fighting Steve in the helicarrier, I realized the world had moved on without me. My plans, my family, and the people I knew were all left in the past. They all moved on without me, everyone was gone except for Steve. I had a plan, after the war I would go back and find myself a beautiful girl to marry." A sad smile posed on his lips as he reminisced. "I wanted the white picket fence and three kids package. Cookouts with my family and friends while I was still a war hero. But all of that was gone the moment I woke up in a time that wasn’t mine. My dreams were gone."  

He paused before reaching for your face, his eyes closing before opening again, tears streaming down his cheeks."Ever since I woke up, I was a man drifting in a time that wasn’t mine, in a life that wasn’t mine. I didn’t have any dreams, or aspirations other than to survive and perhaps discover the truth. Nothing made sense to me, not until I met you." His thumb wiped away the tears you didn’t know they were falling. "You were the very first person, aside from Steve, that was kind to me. You talked to me, listened to what I had to say. You showed me what this new world was about, how to survive in it, and above all, you never doubted my innocence. It wasn’t because you knew me like Steve did, or because he had asked you as a favor. You were my friend, the very first I made when I was lost. And along the way, you turned into more, you were my new dream. I fell in love with you, and suddenly it didn’t matter that I wasn’t supposed to be here, or what it could’ve been because with you, I finally felt like I belonged somewhere."  

A sob escaped you, his words burning your heart, branding them with the love you once felt for him. The heartbreak and the pain came once again, but it felt different. It was comforting in a way that scared you, terrified you. You knew he had loved you once, but you had stored those memories far away where they couldn’t hurt you. Because it was easier to tell yourself that Bucky had never actually loved you than to think he had loved you and had still betrayed you.  

"But no matter how much time passed or how loved or comfortable I felt, I was still scared. I was terrified. Terrified of the same thing happening again. Every day, I'd tell myself, 'Something is going to happen, something is going to take me away from you, and when I come back, another hundred years will have passed.' And it did happen. When Thanos snapped me away, I came back, and to me only seconds had passed, but for you it was five years. Everything had changed again, even you. There was this sadness that seemed to have nested behind your eyes every time you looked at me. And every time I looked at you, I could see how much you had suffered because of me, it was my fault, and I couldn’t do anything about it."  

"It wasn’t your fault." You tried to argue, but his words interrupted you.  

"I felt like it was. I felt like I must’ve had some sort of curse that would always take me away from what made me the happiest, and in return, I would hurt everyone around me with it. I had died once again and the world kept going, once again. And I tried really hard to fight those thoughts, but it was as if a cloud of darkness would whisper to me that I didn't belong here anymore.That everything had changed once again, and it would happen again and again and again until I finally died. And I didn't know what to do; it was as if this voice was drowning me, washing away every ounce of happiness I had left inside me until all that remained was anger and resentment." 

His voice had broken, as had his ability to hold back the tears.He had buried this for so long, too embarrassed to say them aloud, to admit how he had messed up everything because he was afraid.He wasn’t the man who had sworn to protect you against everything, he was a coward. A coward who had let his own fear hurt you in ways he could never fix.  

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry." Bucky kissed your forehead. "You didn’t deserve any of what I did to you, and I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for doing that. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, I’m sorry I pushed you away when all you did was trying to help me. I’m sorry I slept with someone else. I'm sorry I messed everything up because the truth is, you have been the best thing that has ever happened to me, past and present, and if I had to go through all of the pain, torture, and heartbreak all over again just to meet you, I would." 

You stayed there in silence for minutes. Neither of you dared say anything else that would break the silence. Both your hearts had been through a lot today, from the threats of death to the realizations of love and pain that had been confessed. But amongst the suffering and the torment, both of your hearts began to heal, and the pieces that had been ripped apart came back to where they belonged.  

You took his hands into yours, your lips kissing his knuckles. "I don’t know if I could ever forgive you for what you did." Bucky’s eyes closed in ache, he knew it was a possibility, but it still hurt to know there was no hope, but your words stopped him from spiraling. "But I would like to try."  

Hope. A tiny silver of hope. 

"Do you think there is a chance for us in the future?"  

You considered it. Your mind and your heart still pulling towards different directions but none of them letting you decide. Would you be willing to risk your heart once again for Bucky Barnes, or has the damage been too great to be fixed and covered? "I don’t know."  

"That’s ok. I'm not going to ask about it again unless you want me to." 

He kissed you one last time. His lips still had a subtle taste of smoke and burned, but above it was something overpowering, something both of you felt as he deepened the kiss. You both tasted redemption and forgiveness. 

Forever 

"Thanks for helping me."  

"Don’t thank me, I’m only doing it for the beer."  

Bucky and you chuckled at his poor attempt at a joke, your footsteps echoing in the half-empty apartment. A couple of seconds later, your mattress landed with a loud thud in your bedroom, making you happy to be finally done. You threw yourself on the bed, Bucky following you close behind, his heaviness bouncing you off. You turned to your side, resting your head on your hand, and he replicated your pose.  

It had been a year and a half since you decided to bring Bucky back into your life, and things had changed dramatically since then.You stopped doing solo missions and moved to New York, where you split your time between assisting Sam and Bucky with their shenanigans and volunteering at the woman's shelter Sam had connected you with. 

In the beginning, it was difficult to adapt to a tamer lifestyle than the one you had lived in the past year, but listening to all those women, the things they had been through, showed you that sometimes the thing people need to start healing is to have someone along the way.  

Bucky and you had become friends, just as you had been when you first met. It took time to get back to the beginning, but soon you found out how much you needed him as a friend, not a lover or a soulmate but just someone with whom you could talk. And, over the course of the many nights you spent talking, forgiveness found its way into your heart.You didn’t forget the past between both of you, but along the way there was understanding and care.  

"How was your date?"  

You shrug. "It was ok, not that great to be honest." 

During this time you had gone on a couple of dates, even went out with a guy for a couple of months, and since you and Bucky were ‘just friends’ you thought it would be uncomfortable to talk to him about them. But he had developed a habit of surprising you, and as it turned out, he was okay with it. When you asked why he was okay with it, his response surprised you. 

"I love you, I’ll always love you. But if you need me as a friend and nothing more, then I’ll be your friend."  

Your heart was still reluctant about him, after all, pain is a thing you can hardly forget. That had been the reason why you had tried to find someone else. Someone who could make you laugh as hard as he did, someone who could make you blush with just a cocky smile, someone who could calm you down and make everything better by simply holding you close at night.Someone who could make you happy. But all of them failed, because they weren’t Bucky Barnes.  

No one ever compared to Bucky Barnes, because after all the lies, heartbreak, and death surrounding you, he was still the only person who felt like home.  

Blue eyes stared at you and all you could feel was your heart racing. He was the man you had once loved and he had betrayed you, but time had mended your heart. The part of you that hated him was gone, and instead the love you felt for him came back, maybe not as strong as it once was but it didn’t matter. Your love was willing to build itself up, your love was willing to let him in one last time.  

"Ask me" you uttered. Your voice was so quiet that you thought he wouldn't hear you, but his puzzled expression told you otherwise. 

"What?"  

Your hand grabbed his, your thumb was drawing circles on his skin.  

"Bucky, ask me."  

Bucky’s heart stopped. A part of him had always told him that you would never want him back, and he couldn't blame you. He had hurt you in so many ways that he could never forgive himself. He had been sure the best he could have from you was friendship, and he had made his peace with it. Having you as only a friend was better than not having you at all.  

But you were giving him an opportunity, and he would be damned if he didn’t take it.  

"Would you—" he paused, clearing his throat.The nervousness inside him erased his ability to speak. "Would you like to go out for dinner? As in a date?"  

You made it seem as if you were thinking about it, but he didn’t worry about it. He knew your answer already.  

"Yeah, I guess I can make time for one date."  

You smiled. You gave him your biggest, most genuine smile in a long time.He smiled too.  

Loving Bucky Barnes hadn’t been easy. But as you both lay in your beds, his hands caressing your face and new hope brewing between you, your heart told you that this time would be different. 

He wasn't the same tormented man from another time you'd fallen in love with, and you weren't the same broken but hopeful girl he'd loved with all his heart.You both had hurt each other, but you had also grown, both of you in your own ways, and yet destiny had brought you back together.  

This time, neither of you was scared. 

This time, loving him would come as easily as breathing.

If you like the story please interact: reblogs, likes and comments go a long way. Feedback is always appreciated! Feel free to message me about it.

Tag list: @wintasssoldier @fallenoutofrose @cjand10 @nouk1998 @smplymrvl @littlemiss-yeehaw @magnificentsvn @kentokaze @gostodosopa @musicgirl44 @rebloggingmyrecs @mbindzus-blog @pampeop @buckystwilight @blackhawkfanatic @miss-i-ship-it @bibliophilewednesday

#bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #marvel fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #avengers fanfiction #avengers fic

[vynsvision]

Miscellaneous thoughts on the 3.1 update Archon quest (IM ONLY UP TO MEETING UNCLE ANPU OK)

Spoilers to follow !!!

I love how many animated segments there were!!!! It never disappoints. Devs never miss.

Dottore truly is scary. Hes also intelligent and skilled. If he wasn't so terrifying and abusive I'd definitely find him attractive. Knowing too what he did to Collei and how much lasting trauma she has from his actions... yeah, no thanks. He does have lots of charisma, but I'd like to kick his ass. I wonder what his vision and delusions are!

On another note, again, hes fucking terrifying. His lack of boundaries and his idea to catch the Traveler in a well- planned trap. I hope Setaria is ok!!

Hypasia's whole situation... again, from Dottore and Scaramouche, but I have to admire the ingenuity and manipulation at how well done it is. Hypasia's total belief and how she is reacting- yeah, if I was connected to a god, I'd be pissed too if no one else seemed to care or was suddenly cautious of me! And her excitement to show the Traveler and then Scaramouche's whole backstory and the show of his devolution to this new state- Is he back as a Harbinger? Is Dottore bending the rules to help him, if they're even working together?

The animation of the Balladeer's backstory too was beautiful. He continued to try to make friends and work through his creation, but I think by the child, he hadn't even done anything wrong. Unless he had died? I couldn't tell what sin the third friend had committed, but it would track for Scaramouche to misread a situation unfortunately and take things farther than necessary. I can't fault him as he was truly hurt and misled by the first to who had hurt him, but again, I really couldn't see what the third person did.

His monologue tho was so spooky and I was like 😧😲 the entire time lol. I also love the 2D animation as much as I love the 3D.

And then the third animation clip, some more Scaramouche as Nahida swaps her consciousness with the traveler. Both parts of this are beautiful and the second part is haunting. Honestly great timing for spooky month to have Scaramouche on the fringes of the Traveler's sight, setting up for a battle that hopefully Scaramouche survives (even if solely for all those Scaramouche savers... oof). I'm quite interested how his story is gonna turn out because I was hoping for him to turn out a little like Childe in how he is flexible on his morals and maybe potentially set up to help the Traveler. We'll just have to wait and see.

The final animation bit <3333 enemies/rivals to lovers <333333 the ship potential is off the goddam charts I'll tell you what. Its gorgeous to watch and thrilling to see the boys have at it and sass each other. Cyno's whole intro scene. I wanna kiss him. I want him to kiss Alhaitham. I want to kiss Alhaitham. I want us all to kiss each other. And then Dehya rocks up and Candace tells everyone to shut up and get along. *aggressively passionate chef's kiss* peak.

The rest of the story is really good and interesting too, possessing people and convincing Setaria that she has abandoned King Desheret and that she needs to step up.

Really enjoying this so far!

#genshin impact #genshin 3.1 update #genshin spoilers #genshin impact spoilers #genshin 3.1 spoilers #sumeru

[ycurkxng-a]

Vent drabble fjdjajaja you don't have to read if you don't want to, trigger warnings for child abuse and emotional abuse (along with mentions of gaslighting fndjsjajajn it's not a fun read)

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You still wanna read? Okay then.

Shaky hands scribbled onto the pages of the journal with a pencil that was gripped so tight it could break at any moment. Michael was completely losing it, and the only way he could get his thoughts out anywhere was with paper and a pencil. The pages read as so;

You did this to me you did this to me you did this to me YOU FUCKING DID THIS TO ME

You keep asking why im like this and why im so angry and why I hurt people and I want to tell you its because of you you did this you fucking bastard

But no I cant tell you because it hurts you too much. Its too painful for YOU to think about. I was the one who was being beaten every fucking day for two years straight. I was the one who took each punch each slap each kick each fucking hit for so long

But it bothers you too much to think about YOU FUCKING DID THIS

YOU TURNED ME INTO THIS

YOU KEEP SAYING YOU DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT IT BUT IM THE ONE WHO HAD TO GO THROUGH IT. DONT ACT LIKE YOU WERE THE VICTIM

THEN YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO TELL ME IT WAS MY FAULT AND I BELIEVED IT. I APOLOGIZED TO YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE THE FUCKING MONSTER WHO BEAT A DEFENSELESS CHILD FOR YEARS

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU GODDAMN ANIMAL. I HURT PEOPLE I MAIM PEOPLE I KILL PEOPLE BUT NEVER ONCE WOULD I HURT A CHILD HOW YOU DID YOU BASTARD

YOU SAY IT WAS BECAUSE YOU WERE HURTING TOO AND COULDNT CONTROL YOURSELF THAT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER. YOU STILL BEAT ME FOR SO LONG AND THEN MADE YOURSELF OUT TO BE THE VICTIM AS IF I HAD BEEN THE ONE STRIKING YOU FOR SO LONG

YOURE LUCKY I EVEN LET YOU BREATHE THE SAME FUCKING AIR AS ME AFTER WHAT YOUVE DONE. YOU SHOULD SEE IT AS A MIRACLE THAT I HAVENT SENT YOU TO HELL

YOUVE NEVER TRULY APOLOGIZED FOR WHAT YOUVE DONE. YOU GIVE ME A HALFASSED SORRY BUT THAT DOESNT CHANGE EVERY SINGLE BEATING I GOT YOU GODDAM

The lead of the pencil finally snapped under all the pressure, stopping Michael and making him stare down at it before finally dropping the journal and pencil, he pressed his face into his hands and began to let out breathless sobs.

Trauma was a bitch.

#vent

[bitch-i-migth-be]

Chapter 11: Someone Called The Baby Brother Protection Squad?

Fandoms: Danny Phantom, Batman,

Summary: He swore his sister was trying to make him go into cardiac arrest - considering his halfa status that was quite the accomplishment-

But there was no other explanation to his sister’s stubbornness, and if he knew her at all there was just no talking her down from interning at goddam Arkham.

A/N: Im getting dizzy and its all the characters fault. Most of it. Some of it.

THIS IS ON AO3, IF ANYONE WOULD PREFER TO READ THERE. LOVE COMmENTs  so if u have anything to say IwillBeReallyHappyYesThankU

@silvergold-swirl

Notes:

Hi grandma, it’s ME, Anastasia! 💋

Hello guys~ I had to rearrange some things and move some scenes because i hated the timing. We are gonna go with this short one and hopefully danny will cooperate now that I finally gave up and let him scape the torture. I swear to god this boy doesn’t care for anything that isn’t working in his damned survival Notebook ughh

I mean i did give it to him, i guess. So i am the one to blame. Should have seen that one coming. 🤡

CHAPTERS: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8, 9, 10, 11, 12,

Danny was.. unsure.

Which wasn't exactly a new occurrence, per se, but C’mon !

He had read the damn pamphlets, — the pamphlets ! Who does that? not counting Jazz, of course, because she didn't count on grounds of her being Jazz — and listened raptly — even if there had been plenty of eye rolling and sighs from his part — while Jazz coached him through the ‘Do’s’ and ‘Don’ts’ and the ‘What ifs’ and whatever else she had thought to throw in there ‘just in case’.

It seemed like it would be for nay because apparently the examiners hadn’t been informed of Jazz’s carefully planned out schedule. He was pretty sure the examiners taking him to a secondary location after the test was already done hadn’t been stated anywhere.

He would like his freedom back. Yes and thank you.

But maybe this was important? Even if jazz or the damn pamphlet hadn’t mentioned  anything about it?

Mulaney would be pretty disappointed but at least Jazz would not try and make him a full ghost if he made a full blown scandal — in the middle of the school he was just about finished making the entrance exams for — as god almighty intended it whenever things started to get shaddy around him.

You can’t make everyone happy these days, but you can choose who you are going to disappoint or potentially piss off. And that was something.

At least the new place was still inside the same building and no one had taken out the scalpels. Yet . On the way here they had walked by something that looked suspiciously like a dissection lab and Danny's hackles had raised and stayed up even after they had walked past and left the damned place behind.

The current company didn’t help much in calming him down, either.

The look one of the ladies kept giving him reminded him — uncomfortably so — of the manic stare Spectra got whenever she got some new poor soul on her clutches. The same sort of look some ghosts shared. The sort of look that had resulted in Danny quickly and effectively developing a pavlovian response. One that resulted in exorbitant amounts of well-placed aggression and some collateral damage to fix later if he was particularly unlucky.

He couldn’t exactly afford the collateral damage right now, though. Which was a shame. But, eh.

Danny had to repeat Jazz words like a mantra, over and over again to calm his nerves down before he managed to convince himself in his paranoia that everyone in this room had somehow gotten possessed, that this was nothing more than an elaborate hoax and he needed to ‘suit up’ and dispatch them before they got the chance to dispatch him first.

Then the examiners-slash-teenappers seemed to finish their impromptu rendezvous and the spectra-wannabe lady turned towards him with yet another smile.

His core trilled, a fake smile took over his face and Danny started to feel his fingers twitch in anticipation. Of what? he didn’t exactly know. But it would get pretty ugly , really fast if the lady came any closer.

When someone knocked on the door- Well, no. The knock itself had not been enough to derail any of them —except for Danny, who had snapped to attention and contemplated the expansion of possibles getaways now that the door was once again open, if slightly obstructed by someone — but one of them finally caught the stare of the redheaded woman on the door and that sure seemed to be enough.

There was no better word to what followed, the woman started to rip them a new one, right in front of their salad and everything, as they say.

So he did the smart thing — because of course he did —, he took the distraction for what it was and hightailed it out of the room.

Jazz would understand, right? right.

And that was the moment when Jazz appeared out of thin air and looped an arm around his shoulders, halting his momentum.

He side eyed her. She side eyed him back.

“Umh, I- I was just-” her eyebrow rose and Danny felt the nervous laughter fall from his lips without authorization. Which, rude. But also understandable. Maybe.

Jazz didn’t stop to acknowledge it. She just brought their foreheads togethers a moment to nuzzle him — long enough for him to get a grip while the both of them took a pair of deep breaths — and Danny finally recognized the look on her face from multiple parent-teachers conferences back in amity when not even one of their parents managed to make it into the school without getting sidetracked or offending someone on the way there.

She was taking over from here.

“Don’t get lost.” Was all she offered in a whisper, and then she let go.

He smiled back at her.

And then made a run for it.

-.-.-.-

Jazz was feeling-

Incredibly validated if slightly murderous.

The validating feeling was new but expected. The murderous one was an old friend, and she had thought it wouldn’t make an appearance today. That had been her mistake. She would learn from the experience and be better prepared in the future.

watching her brother run circles around these people without even noticing had been fun until it wasn’t. The sight of her little brother so strung up had made her want to take some pointers from Vlad but alas.

There was someone better to take pointers from right now.

Two redheads are always better than one, after all.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--.-

NOTES

Me, flipping a coin to decide between feral siblings and soft siblings each chapter.

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Lydia martin is one of my goddesses. I can understand stile because holy fuck that woman is awe inspiring.

-.-.-.-

Also barbara of course. And Gwen tennyson. And giesell. And Anastasia. And the little mermaid. And ranko. And roberta. And-

Have i mentioned I have a thing for redheads?? That seems important. Because oh booooiii

-.-.-.- I'm going to get another coin to flip. It’s either both feral and soft or double the amount of one of those and that sounds real nice~

-.-.-.- as a throw back to the chapter with the ghost council: the ghost kryptonians?? I imagined them keeping taps on clark and rooting for him, like, there are support groups sometimes and everything, like ´-and last but not least: next Tuesday is Lex Luthor Hate Night, guys, so don't you dare forget the popcorn daggers again Ken Al-‘

and i just ahskfsahkgakl I can’t- !!

-.-.-.-

I had a talk with the characters and we all decided Danny and Jazz will be in charge of bulldozing the way for everyone else.

If any of the others want to pop in with a pov then it will happen, if they don’t then they won’t, and we will have to make do with the feral siblings view of this mess. Maybe. Depends on if these fuckers change their mind. Like they do. Ugh. It’s gonna be lovely, I. can. tell.

CHAPTERS: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8, 9, 10, 11, 12,

#crash course #cc #ao3 #danny phantom #batman #fanfiction #fic #my fic #shenanigans

[laboflove]

Oikawa & Iwa X FR

•Aged up•

Word Count- 2363

❗Warnings❗{Smut, angst, praising, infatuation, ridiculing, cheating, body shaming}

A/N: Thicc Y/N who's dating Oikawa and although he says he loves her it doesnt seem that way.

He smiles as he sees your eyebrows pushed together, you were always so cute when you were angry, he just wanted to keep making fun of you to see that face. "Tooru" you suddenly say making his smile fade, "Yeah?" He says confused and your phone buzzes, "Nevermind, I have to go, Iwa is here" you say then kiss his cheek before leaving.

A frown forms on his face as he sees you walk off, you were always hanging out with Iwaizumi. It made him mad because you were HIS girlfriend not Iwaizumi's. He huffs then leaves as well, whatever, hed just make you remember how great it is to date him.

You walk in to find him on your bed and he smiles, "Hey" you both say, you climb onto the bed forgetting about today at work and he pulls you onto his chest. "Did you gain weight? Damn" he says with a chuckle making the thoughts come back, "I think, I'll lose it dont worry" you whisper as you move off and onto the side.

He pulls you close, his hands trailing your body making you anxious, you werent skinny like other girls, you had curves and Oikawa would always tease you about it, middle school to now and you always tried to lose weight but youd gain it back. An endless cycle and honestly the last thing you wanted right now was for him to be touching you like this.

Yet you dont stop him, instead closing your eyes and trying to fall asleep but his hands get more touchy, soon enough spreading your legs. "Not tonight Tooru" and his frown appears again, that's the second time this week you've called him that. "Okay" he says then turns around and you both fall asleep, one angry and confused and the other filled with dark thoughts.

"I just dont understand, shes been calling me Tooru this entire week, why?" He says as he passes the ball to Iwa, "Its your name" He says making him huff. He knew it was his name but you've never called him that before, so why now?!

"I dont like it, she never calls me that so why now? Did I do something wrong?" He says and Iwa stops, "You always make fun of her, im surprised she hasn't dumped you yet" and Oikawa's mouth goes dry. His biggest worry, something he never wants to happen, for you two to break up, you meant everything to him, youd always lift him up, give him pointers and take care of him. You couldn't leave him, you're all he had.

"S-she knows I'm just kidding, I don't mean any of it" he says then the ball flies towards him, "Iwa-!", "It always sounds like you mean it, you tell her shes fat, that shes not pretty enough, that she isnt smart, terrible shit but you never say that you're just kidding. Even then you shouldnt say shit like that to someone who already deals with criticism as it is, you especially shouldn't say it to her because shes your goddam girlfriend" he leaves and Oikawa clenches his fists.

"Hey!" And he looks back, "Do you like her?!" He yells out earning a nod making his blood boil, "I've liked her since middle school, even more in high school and the most right now, but she made the stupidest decision on dating you" and he walks off again.

"Youd never leave me right?" He asks as he rests his head on your chest, you dont answer making him look up with dim eyes, "You would?" He asks and you sigh, "If something were to happen yes but just breaking up with you for no reason would not happen" and he nods. "Um, what would be the reason?" He whispers remembering the conversation with Iwa, "If one of us cheats, I'd never do it but well..." you stop and he looks up at you.

"I-im sorry, I'll never hurt you like that ever again, so please dont leave me" you nod then place a kiss on his head.

He looks back at the tv but hes barely focusing on it, only remembering that night. He was drunk, saying terrible stuff and when he woke up he found you in front of him, sitting down, looking super tired and your eyes were so dry and red. He didnt know why till he looked around and found unfamiliar clothes, women's clothes.

You didnt talk to him about it, none of you brought it up and soon you were both back to normal but he knew that all trust created was gone.

His thoughts are broken by the familiar buzz pattern and you pull the phone to your ear, "Hey" you say with a smile, why cant you smile like that when you talk to him? Why doesnt your voice get all cute and soft with him? Why is it only with Iwa?

"Oh I'm with Oikawa" you say as your hand runs through his hair, he smiles and even more as you rest it on his cheek. "I-iwa" your hand twitches slightly and he can feel your aura change, "Dont call me until your done with that crap, God, you're worse than Oikawa" you put your phone down and he looks up at you.

"What's wrong?" He asks but you shake your head, "Its nothing, just Iwa being a bit of an asshole" he nods and you look at the tv.

"He doesnt love you, he says all that shit which he shouldnt be saying, what if he cheats on you again huh? "

You let out a sigh then close your eyes, uh oh, you're pissed.

"Hey" you hear, turning around you see them and shoot a smile, "Hey guys" you say as you slowly come to a stop. "Whatre you doing here?" One asks, "Oh uh well you know working out" you say and they nod. "Any specific reason? You look perfect already" you laugh making them confused, "Yeah right, if I was Oikawa wouldnt judge me 24/7" you say and they tilt their heads.

"Anyways, I'm gonna get back to this" you say with a small smile and they head to the other side, "Whatre you thinking?" Akaashi asks as Bokuto glares in your direction. "I'm thinking that I want to kill Oikawa", "As much as I'd love to help you do that, its illegal" he says and he huffs. "Only if i get caught".

"Whatre you doing?" He asks as his arms wrap around your waist, you step off and you smile, "Yes" you say and he rubs your stomach, it's not as squishy as before. "I finally lost 15 pounds" you whisper with a large smile and although he should be congratulating you it doesnt make sense. "Whyd you lose weight?" He asks and you look back, "For you, you wanted me to lose it remember?" You say and he looks at you in the mirror.

"I'll love you no matter what", "Haha, yeah right Mr. I want a trophy wife who's beautiful and perfect" you say then move away, his heart clenches hearing you say the words he regrets telling you. He didn't want anyone but you.

"Y-you know I love you right?" He says and you look at him, you dont say anything making his heart break. "I do Tooru, it's just hard to believe" and he looks down, "Okay".

"Y/N" he says for the thousandth time this night, "Are you even listening to me?! It's like you dont care about me! You're always off with Iwaizumi doing God knows what! Why cant you just love me! Only me!" The tears keep falling but you dont look back and you dont let a sob escape. For three days it's been like this, him finding anything to ridicule about and making sure you knew how terrible of a girlfriend you were.

You stand then look at the tree your parents gave you, well it was meant for both of you, something to resemble your love for each other, always growing and alive till death.

A sigh escapes your lips and you walks up to it, "Just as I suspec-", "If I cut this down does that mean were done too?" You ask surprising him. "What does that mean?" He asks and you turn to look at him, "I want to break up" and he looks down. You're crying, you're actually crying, hes never seen you cry, you always refused to look at him whenever you did so hes never got to see it and he wishes he never did.

"Why?", "Why? Why?! Why else Tooru?! Every second I spend with you hurts me! The love in our relationship cant even compare to the amount of pain there is! You give me so much shit and i try to be better, i try to become someone perfect for you but theres always something! I dont love Iwa like I love you! I never have! I only love you but it's like you dont think i do! Even though you're the one that cheated! You're the one that broke the trust! I should've broke up with you before!" You cover your mouth realizing what you just said and you look away.

You were right but why did you say all that stuff to him, he looks at you but quickly looks away. "I'm leaving" you say then rush past him, "W-where are you going?" He asks as he follows you upstairs, you couldn't leave, not like this. He has to say sorry, he has to fix it, he cant lose you!

"I dont know but I cant stay here" you pack stuff up as you avoid his hands, "No" he suddenly says as you reach for the front door. "Bye" you leave in a rush and he looks around, "NO! GET BACK HERE!" and he falls to ground. It actually happened, you left him, you left him and it's his fault, who's going to love him now? Who's going to help him when he gets sick and who's he going to tease?

He leans in as he holds you close, "I love you" he whispers but you stop him, "Its been two months yet you still push me away", "I didnt have sex with Tooru till we were five months in" you say but he doesnt stop, "Oh c'mon, you know you want to so ju-", "Can you stop? I'm really not in the mood for anything like this" you say as you push his hands away from your stomach and thighs.

"Oh I get it" he says as he pins your hands above your head, "You think I'm like Oikawa, that I'll point out your flaws, that I'll think you're ugly, that I dont actually want you" he says into your ear and you look away, he was right and you both knew that. "Well guess what, we all have flaws, I dont think you're ugly and damn do I want you" he kisses you hard but your squirm in his embrace.

"N-no Iwa stop" you let out with a soft moan as he rubs his knee against your clothed heat, "Why? We both want this, you just cant admit it" his tongue trails up your neck as you resist him only making him want you more. "So soft and you always smell so good" he murmurs as you grind against his knee although your mind is saying you dont want this.

"So pretty, especially these moans" desperate whines leave your mouth as he slowly undresses you, "Heh, I think we should take this to the bed" he says as he looks down at your naked body.

Your arms cover yourself as much as they can as he lifts you bridal style, "M-maybe we should wait, i-i should lose a few m-", "Shut the hell up or else I will tie you up" you nod fast and he places you on the bed. "Fuck me" you turn red seeing his eyes take you in, he reaches for his shirt and you move up to help him but he pushes you down making you bounce a bit.

"Stay right there" he undresses as you watch, once hes done he spreads your legs making your body heat up and filling you with so many emotions. "So perfect" he says as he pushes in slowly, you hiss slightly at the feeling you havent felt in such a long time. "Ah- no, Haji-!" He thrusts harder and faster making the frame hit the wall, over and over.

"So warm, so tight and it feels so good" moans leave his mouth making you bite your lip, this felt so different, way too different. "Dont think about him" he says as he thrusts hard sending your eyes wide open, "I-I dont know how he fucked you, or if hes a goddamn sub but dont! Fucking! Think about him!" He growls out with a thrust each time, feeling angry that even now you're still thinking about him. "Sorrysorrysorry!"

Pants leave his mouth as cries leave yours, "God I love you, I love you so much" he mutters as he looks at your pink cheeks and tears falling down your face, he lowers next to your ear as one hand holds your thigh as the other holds your head close to him. "I love the way you just clamp around me" his hips slow down, grinding against you, "I feel like coming every time I thrust into you, that's how good you feel" you tighten around him as the praises keep coming.

Why did this feel so good? Just his words were getting you there and it was so embarrassing that he made you feel this way. "I just cant believe that the woman I've loved since I was 13 is finally mine, that were here together and you're in my arms" he stops to kiss you and you sniffle slightly, "You can come now" a soft cry fills the room as you come and he thrusts a bit more leading to groans and a warm feeling in your core.

"You're mine, only mine".

#haikyuu!! #haikyu x reader #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi smut

[pjisskullourful]

☕☕put the kettle on skanks cos im making another pot of prioriTEA!!!

there is now a goddam cue& yall will be getting somuch filthy goodness. & again this new commission is a kink i've not written before-- its a new level& then some

☕☕☕☕☕

if youre interested in your own cup of prioriTEA, all you gotta do is pay me for a commission. youre allowed to set the minimum wordcount, you get to pick who its about, you get sooooomany previews as i work(like you get the completed scenes as soon as they're done), you get daily wordcount updates, you get to decide on what positions or kinks i write(you even get to choose who cums 1st), you get to pick petnames, you can personalise the readerinsert narrator as much or as little as you like,but most importantly youre the priority, your fic will get written asap. i can usually average about 1k+ words a day, if that gives any indication on how long this stuff takes- but it isnt an exact science& it does depend on me having a good day.

at the moment i've got 3 to work on 1 after the other so thats most of my month booked up for my lovely friends❣️ you can still send in requests tobe added to the pile of horny or you can join the cue if you would like. my chaptered stuff is just gonna have to wait

but stay tuned stay thirsty-- lots of filthy fun coming your way

🤑previous commissions; × petite mort ×× finally home × the gift+ the giver ×× going hunting

[krissy-kat]

PJOverse Headcanons Pt 4:-

(Sorry my hand slipped)

Peter age 15 Harley 16

• Peter doesn't go back to Camp due being busy patrolling Queens as Spiderman

• Harley is really upset when he hears that Peter won't be coming to Camp, he had finally gathered all his courage and was finally going to ask him out but never gets a chance to

• That year Harley's father came to visit him

• "Why are you here, you abandoned us, didn't even tell us that you were a God"

• "Harley listen I'm sorry but I had to"

• "Then tell me the goddam reason"

• "So do you know about our Roman counterparts and children "

• "Yes, they live in New Rome now along with few Greek demigods and don't talk to me in circles"

• "You know that Greek and Roman demigods have recently found out about each other and before that we weren't allowed to tell you, your sister was daughter of my Roman form Vulcan and if Hera or Juno had found out, I don't what she would have done"

• Harley didn't know what to think about it, he knew his sister was a demigod when he found about his dad being a God but he didn't expect her to be a Roman demigod

• "Ok, but I still haven't forgiven completely "

• "I didn't expect you would, but it's a start right "

• "Maybe"

• Peter would still IMs MJ, no matter how much she'll deny it she considers Peter a friend, she also tells him about the on ongoing fight about how his half siblings says that his superhero persona can't be trusted and how Flash with his whole Cabin will come to defend him

• Some time later Civil War happens, Peter didn't tell Tony about him being a demigod because he thought it wasn't relevant when he comes to recruit him

• Tony takes Peter under his wing and they get close

• Tony is absolutely furious when the events homecoming occur

• "Peter, I thought we were close, why didn't you tell me that you were chasing after a murderous psychopath"

• "But Mr Stark.."

• "A building fell on you, you could have died"

• "But.."

• "I don't want you moonlighting as spiderman for atleast a month"

• "Ok, but what am I supposed to tell Aunt May about the internship"

• "You know what from next week you're going to be my personal intern, real intern this time and I'll able to easily keep a eye on you"

• "Ok, Mr Stark"

• ( Infinity War and Endgame doesn't happen because this is my Au I'll do what I want to)

Peter age 16 , Harley age 17

• Harley decided to tell his mother and sister about being a demigod and his father being a God and going to the Camp since he was 12, a month before summer vacation

• They thought it was an elaborate joke

• Harley looked up and says out loud "If you want me to forgive you, help me out here"

• Hephaestus appears out thin air

• "Aaah! What are you doing here "

• "You asked for my help"

• "It was more along lines of sending a Celestial bronze dog or dragon like Leo's"

• "You know Tony Stark, she would have thought it was a prank "

• "Ok, you're right she would have definitely thought that"

• "She's right here, you both are talking about me like I'm not here. Harley I'll talk to later about hiding this stuff from me. And you, you don't think it would have easier to tell me you were a God when you left, I would have been a lot less of mess than I was "

• "I'm Sorry "

• "I'm sorry doesn't cut it, did what Harley told us about Roman counterpart and Abbie being a roman demigod is true"

• "Yes"

• "Ok, I understand your situation but you aren't forgiven "

• "Understood "

• "Now Harley, you are grounded until your graduation except your summer vacation because of the summer Camp thing"

• "But it will be my senior year next year "

• "No buts and you (pointing at Hepheatus) will you be staying for dinner"

• "Gods don't.."

• Hepheastus steps on Harley's foot

• Harley glares at him

• "Of course "

• "What were you saying Harley"

• "Nothing "

• In Summer vacation Harley goes to Camp Half blood and asks Abbie if she wants come too

• "After the Giant war, many roman demigods come to Camp Half Blood during summer, and I'll be staying first week at Tony's are sure you still want to go to Camp Jupiter "

• "Mom's still angry at him for not telling her I doubt she'll let me stay there, I still think it's miracle she allowing you to and I'm a Roman demigod I'll be fine in Camp designed for Roman demigods"

• "Are you sure, you'll get a tattoo there and it's quite painful from what I have heard"

• "I'll be fine and I'm sure it will look badass"

• "Do you want me to come with you to Camp Jupiter, I'm sure they won't mind"

• "I'm 13 Harley, I can take care of myself besides Mom will be staying in New Rome for the first week"

• Harley was still upset she won't be staying with him at Tony's and going to Camp Half Blood

• Harley always stays the first week of his summer vacation with Tony, so he was looking forward to meeting Spiderman, no matter how much Athena Cabin said you can't trust him

• "Sorry kiddo, he's grounded and I still blame you for the lecture I received from your Mom"

• "What do you mean he's grounded "

• "His Guardian found out he was moonlighting as Spiderman, so she grounded him, he's not even allowed to visit the tower"

• "Wait he's a teenager, now I want to meet him even more"

• "Oh no I know that look, I won't be introducing you two anytime soon, you both will make my hair grey twice as fast as they already are"

• "Aww, you're no fun at all Old Man"

• Meanwhile at Peter's home

• "Please Aunt May, I need to meet Mr Stark's other protege, how else am I supposed to know whether I can be friendly with him or I'll have to compete against him "

• "I told you are grounded so no Tony Stark and Ned for three weeks and no spiderman for a month and it has only been one week so you are still grounded"

• "But he won't be there then"

• "What part of being grounded don't you understand Peter"

• "Why am I not allowed to hang out with Ned anyway"

• "He should have told me when he found out and I know it's as much punishment for him as is it for you and you both know it"

• After his grounding is over Mr Stark hugs him tightly since he missed Peter and he's like a son to him

• Peter shifts to Tower part time because there is a shortage of employees at May's work place and she has to work overtime

• Peter while IMing MJ complains that his last Camp t-shirt was torn and he misses it, three day later he get a package with 2 new t-shirts saying that she couldn't bear Peter complaining anymore

• Rouge Avengers are pardoned soon after and since Tony still hasn't forgiven them completely and doesn't trust them with Spiderman's identity he asks Peter to tell them he's his personal intern when anyone asks why a civilian was with him

• The first time he runs into Captain America he gives him the death glare that MJ taught him, suffice to say Captain America never have been scared so much from a teenager

• Peter was in the kitchen and peacefully eating his cereal when Mr Barton comes in and see him and looks at him in confusion then his face turns into a determined look

• "FRIDAY call Tony into kitchen right now tell him it's a emergency and please make a excuse if anyone tries to come in"

• It was Peter's time to confused

• "Why the hell to call me at this ungodly hour this better be important "

• "Why the hell didn't you me a warning that you adopted another demigod"

• Tony stares dumbfounded at him

• "What to you mean by that?"

• "Come on Tony, he sitting right here eating cereal in Camp T-shirt"

• "Excuse Mr Barton, Mr Stark didn't know that I'm a demigod also he didn't adopt me"

• Tony and Clint didn't know what to say

• Finally Clint broke the silence

• "I think you both need to have a conversation so I'll just leave"

• "Sooo.. you are demigod huh?"

• "I'm literal brain child of my dad and athena, so yeah I'm a demigod"

• "Wait a sec, aren't children of Athena are supposed to scared of spiders"

• "Who said I'm not scared shitless of them, it's just I have spider powers that's why I go around as spiderman"

• Uncomfortable Awkward silence

• "So I was thinking of making you a iron spider suit with nanotechnology "

• They quickly change the conversation and pretend the previous never happened

• Meanwhile at the Camp Harley was thinking how many nicknames can be given to a superhero

• The nicknames used to discuss Spiderman were getting more and more ridiculous because every name is banned as soon as it is has been heard by Chiron

• The names which have been banned till date include Spidey, the web-slinger, the wall-crawler, the arachnid and after this the people stopped feeling creative and thus SM, SpiderM, the Man of Spiders and worst one yet Sipdeydude

• The name they were referring to Spiderman right now was S-Man

• Flash was arguing with Annabeth who has been part of two Great Prophecies but Flash didn't give a dam about it because nobody says something bad about Spiderman and get away with it

• Suddenly a voice breaks the fight apart

• "Annabeth, we should get going if we want to catch the train in time, so stop arguing with my sibling about Spiderman"

• "But Pipes, a person associating themselves with Spiders can't be good, why can't he understand "

• "Yes they can, this is your irrational fear for spiders speaking "

• "I have fought Arachne I assure you it is not irrational "

• "Yes, it is now let's go we don't need to miss the train unless you want to get to New Rome a day late"

• Piper and Annabeth leaves

• The next Chiron asks Harley to do a supply run in Queens and asks him to take any two campers with him

• He was asking MJ to go with him when Flash overhears him then forced Harley to take him too because he was determined that they might able to see Spiderman

• Unfortunately while on supply run they encountered a full grown cyclops so they lured it into an alley to fight it

• Peter was just patrolling in his neighbourhood, he didn't expect to run into demigods fighting a cyclops

• Since he had a tendency to go headfirst into danger, he forgot that it might reveal the fact he's a demigod to them

• It was only after he webbed the cyclops's eye and both his legs together that he sees the demigods fighting the cyclops were MJ, Flash and Harley

• When the cyclops was trying to take web out of his eye he webs his hands to his face

• "I hope you guys will handle this situation from here"

• He swings out of there

• Harley was in a daze, Flash has turned into a overexcited puppy and MJ was suspicious because she was like 67% is was Peter

• I mean come on he could see the monster so either he was a demigod or mortal with the vision and mortals tends to ignore the demigod stuff. Also the fact that he didn't came to Camp last year when Spiderman started appearing and this year he came up with a flimsy excuse

• So after getting back at Camp while Flash and Harley were busy telling about their encounter to everyone MJ slipped out to IM Peter

• Peter was in his room in Stark Tower, and thinking back it was a big neon sign about Peter being Spiderman

• "Hey MJ"

• "You're Spiderman "

• "W-What?"

• "You're Spiderman and you saved Harley, Flash and me from cyclops"

• "Nice one, MJ"

• MJ gave him her stop-the-BS glare

• "Ok, ok, but don't tell anyone "

• "I won't but you are a dumbass who revealed that you are either a demigod or mortal with vision by coming between our fight and now the whole camp knows some one will soon join the dots and find out you are Spiderman"

• "Would it hurt you to be a little positive MJ"

• "Yes and who else knows "

• "Aunt May, Ned, Mr Stark and now you"

• "Good, try to keep that way"

• "Ok, any other questions "

• "Well aren't scared shitless of spiders, how does that work for you "

• "Don't remind me, I still have nightmares from when I was bit by the radioactive spider at OsCorp during our field trip"

• "Interesting way of telling me how you got your power and I should go before someone comes to find me and overhear our conversation "

• "Do you have to scare me about accidentally revealing my identity to everyone, it's hardly been 10 mins since you found out"

• "Yes and bye loser I gotta go"

( I have some more ideas so there definitely will be a Part 5 just don't know when)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 5

Part 7

Part 6

Part 8

#peter parker #harley keener #parkner #michelle jones #flash thompson #tony stark #irondad #clint barton #captain america #son of athena! peter #son of hephaestus! harley #son of apollo! clint #son of aphrodite! flash #daughter of ares! mj #daughter of ares! michelle #pjoverse au #abbie keener #daughter of vulcan! abbie

[disaster-j]

HOW ARE WE FEELING oh my fucking god. This was like. An amazing episode holy fuckkkkk. First we got like pangwave sharing earphones and :((((( wave is legit the best like OMG WE ARE PRISONERS ARE U NOT ALLOWING ME TO PEE WTF i hated punn for the first part and then now i love him wtf??????? and claire doesnt like him anymore oh no punn is probably going to cry and also everyone leaving pang was heartbreaking as always and i SCREAMED when chanon came ALSO CHANON DROVE THEM TO POM U KNOW [1/?]

WHAT THAT MEANSSSSS but then pom and supot are fucking cowards i hate them i hate them everything was going so well oh and im so glad that pang didnt mind control holy shit!!!!! Ik im scrambling all over holy hell omg i still dk what happened w the ministry and shit and also yeah wtf was that egg ad again what. Also i love time grace and third a lot!!!!!! And i think that was all ok wow i cant

afagahsvhwhs im sorry I took a whole week to reply😭 I didnt mean to ignore you I swear! When I saw the ask I was still processing so I thought I'd answer it later except then I just forgot like I forget everything not directly in front of me😔 Sorry!!!!

So, by now you'll likely have watched the new episode but know that I haven't and probably won't tonight cause I have some stuff to do rn. So imma just talk about what I thought was going on this past week and you can tell me if I'm right?

1. WE ARE FEELING TIRED AND MAD while the writing on this show is amazing, being a Punn stan is HARD rn my child is hurting and no one cares enough to do anything about it😭

2. Goddam the pangwave in that episode was so amazing! That earphone scene agsyhshw if that's not a sign they're endgame then WHAT ISSSS!?!? Also, yes, Wave is so incredible this season every scene with him is a blessing.

3. I ca totally understand not liking Punn rn. I feel that way about Mon what with her constantly ignoring the fact that Korn tried to mass murder a bunch of children and only caring about him and his wellbeing and nothing else but yeah Punn! I don't like him siding with the ministry any more than the next person but I can understand why he did it. Rn he's feeling betrayed and is isolating himself. He's at his most vulnerable and Darin has been using it as an opportunity to manipulate him into doing her bidding. We've seen how she's been using her relationship with his family to get him to trust her since she showed up and bc of Korn's betrayal she was finally able to accomplish that. Punn is only siding with her bc he wants things to be better and he doesn't want to be at war anymore. He's a kid, that's a perfectly valid thing to want. But ultimately, it's not his choice. They're at war either way and he chose the side he thought would do the most good, not realising that neither side outweighs the other in terms of evil shit they're willing to pull. So yeah, I love him and as always I am hella worried for my boy.

4. It sucked so much seeing everyone leave Pang but I can't say I didn't see it coming. He'd lost their trust a while ago and so far he hasn't done anything that would help get it back. Even Wave has his reservations about Pang right now, despite him being the only one to stick around I don't think he fully trust Pang like he used to. Not to say he thinks Pang is using him or doing something bad, but just that he doesn't quite believe in Pang's leadership the way he used to. At least that's what I've gotten so far.

5. CHANON! AND! POM! How dare they bring those two so close and yet not let them meet wtf is up with that!?!? There's some big reveal coming for Chanon x Pom I just know it. I swear when Pom was trying to take the vials from them I was so sure Chanon would walk in and stop him but then nothing? Fucking? Happened??? I was so confused. How did he really just drop em off at the gate and just? Left???? Wtf?!?!? I hope they shed some light on that in today's episode and if they didn't imma riot. I'm tireeeeed this show is tiring me when will it end so I can write my cutesy au about Punn and his alters, one of whom is Rome who falls in love with Bright ugh I just wanna write the cute fics I wanna be done with this stress😭

6. I get why like we DO NOT want him becoming Supot 2.0 which is very likely to happen if he let's the power get to his head. But him not using at all even in crucial moments like that just gives me major Todoroki from Spirts Festival Arc vibes and I just wanna be Izuku and scream "IT'S YOUR POWER" like just use it for good instead of evil man!!! Lives are at stake!!!!!

7. What is the egg girl why is the egg girl i dont get why they are doing this to me how far are they gonna take this nonsense i have so many questions ugh but hey maybe if we all collectively ignore her existence it will go away?

8. I love the babies! Ngl I thought they were annoying episode one but now they are my new children and I love them and shall protect them with my life no one better hurt the children or I will riot!!!! Especially Time, no one touch Time, only happy moments for baby!!!!

That's it, that's all I've got, please tell me we get some real answers this episode? Or, better yet, Punn gets far away from Darin and actually talks to his alters instead of acting like they don't exist??

#again #sorry i replied a week late #im dumb sometimes #answered ask #anon ask #the gifted spoilers #the gifted graduation #the gifted #gifted anon

[jrgglass]

“They tried to contain me. These Imaginary chains bound, locked up tight bolted to the floor, no kinks my eyes could see, but one day these blinds were magically lifted, the best gift my mind finally free, this prophet finally fucking awakened. I stand straight up, crack my neck, I ripped these invisible chains right out of my fucking head. Finally shits starting to become clear, I’m ready to endear. I’m putting these peices together like tom hanks in the movie “the da vinci code”, I’m ready to fucking explode, head is filled with so much rage. i cant even see straight, or concrete at all the words flowing threw my head...all these thoughts are overwhelming me, I was a nobody whos been told hes a fucking joke, a worthless loser whos never going to be anything, but a bum living on his moms couch, & now im being told im an reincarnated god, the creator of this worlds ex & shes been watching over me my entire fucking life and it took me 29 years to figure out???, my past lives have me shaking my head, I’m laying there and I keep denying everything that she said. Fuck it I’m ready to rock and roll, i have nothing left to lose. A caged animal they tried to control, a nuclear weapon they wanted to contain, i’m backed into the corner of the cage, my head spinning im ready to explode, so full of hate, I need to relax because I’m ready to pounce, & just like Fenris I’ll rip out your fucking throat so I suggest you flea hurry the fuck up & do what you do best & tuck ur tail between your legs. scurry away little poser wanna be before i lock these eyes upon you... i’m a true sociopath unleashed, power to be good or evil & you cant even speak, shit you will never even be able to compete. You cant stop me, so go ahead “MR 8 InCHes” you feeling froggy? Than fucking leap, just kidding I know you wont because Satans a little bitch. So keep hiding you little puke ,u can try to defeat me but you wont succeed because I promise it’s already been written in history. Once again you’re in a fight you will NEVER win, head to head, lets let the battle begin,bombastic words which WILL make your head spin, chronic lies that could make a lawyers face grin. An angel touch an angel look but my goddess queens always speak with such a devilish lust, they’re my entire world, they could never & will never be replaced, they have alway kept me safe, unconditional love for them, they truly make me fucking invincible but keep trying to penetrate my walls but you wont get threw them until they let you. Its filling me with so much joy, I love that its making you go crazy, whiny bitch reporting every post of mine getting me muted u little fucking baby, here take this tissue, you really have an load of issues but lets keep this battle between us. Oh wait what was I thinking it’s way to late for that. I should have known You lack the KAHUNAS to battle with this fallen angel, I can sense that you’re shaking, you’re so fucking scared of what enoch has written. You know I’m the true king of kings, it’s about time you’re followers know satans nothing but a lucifer wannabe... You would rather bring everyone of your worshipers down with you, you have no respect, a cyber tough guy hiding every time I walk in your presence lol such a little bitch. Keep calling every “tough guy” on your contact list, squealing for help.... “GET THE JOB DONE CAN someone just fucking kill this kid ALREADY, I don’t care about the cost, money is not an issue”... you placed a massive bounty on me, you called every hitman that was stupid enough to answer your call. The enormous targets been placed on my head so how the fuck am I still not fucking dead? You plastered a red bullseye right in the middle of my fore head but it’s Not smart stepping to me, I promise you better rethink that strategy... your bullets will always wiz right by my head, your bombs will just click click click...just keep asking yourself how fuck do these goddam batteries keeping go dead?& keep trying to poision me though... ill just spit that shit right the fuck out like a loogie. You’re nothing but a poser, so Keep pretend

[oh-shit-a-baby]

Black Friday thoughts

(All the spoilers beware!!!)

with lala n ari (hi I’m @drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces if yall dont know me)

These were our thoughts the first time watching my digital ticket through. It will be long. There will be spoilers.

ITS JOEY

ITS KURT MEGA

I can’t remember how to spell her name but she looks like an excited child and i just Acting (it’s Jaime yall dw)

i was on board until fifty quid was an only

Robert forgot the choreo and lala just went OH MY GOD WHAT A DARLING so

DAN AND DONNA?????

E M M A A N D P A U L

I wanted a salad, but, now I have a child

Emma my darling I’m so sorry about ur sister

DUMBLEDORE????!?!?

BY GRACE DO U MEAN GRACE CHASTITY?!?!?!?!?!?

LADIDADAH DAY OH MY GOD

Paul ur such a mess ily

Emma shows up had an hour late with Starbucks

i dont really like getting hit by cars any more

i dont get flashbacks i remember bad things vividly

Both of the above are moods but who hurt them

PLAID

@drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces saw plaid and immediately said ‘is he a lesbian? Wait no’

What do you mean I have to look after a child

ITS THE OKAYS

Tim’s a mood

and even if I did, HOW WOULD IT FIT INTO THE SEDAN?!

Paul’s buddy bill

Well I will be GODDAMMED if he doesn’t have a merry FUCKING Christmas!!!!

We stopped for like ten minutes to watch @dialovesyellow being an idiot but we love her so it’s fabulous

At the same time though were not going to be able to do this in one sitting bc we spent like 30mins chatting to dia and heeter

Dumbldore grew a beard?? No??

No comment

He’s a chaotic mess but we love him

(Heather started playing the mii song on the piano while he was singing which was fUn)

FLASH! BANG! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!!??

But dumbledores voice is still stunning

How does he hit high notes whilst still not opening his mouth like at all

Jeez Corey that’s dark

Corey everything ur character says to lex is m e a n

MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEEEEY!! JUST FOR MEEE!!!!!!

why does anyone want this

no it isn’t cute

get away from it stop it

Lala: ROBEEEEEEEERRRRT

I want his jacket

WEAR ANOTHER GLOVE ETHAN

Fuck Ethan lost lexs sister

@drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces : Everyone’s wearing plaid they must be lesbians

Now we gotta talk to the imaginary spider from outer space

Not crazy but creative

A certified mess

Don’t u fuckin laugh

SEVEN FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS

CALIFUCKINGFORNIA

MY MOMS A BITCH

The new lil girl can’t dance but we love her

Califomia sounds like speed run from tto conspiracy theory

Nuff said

That’s not how cameras work babe

Legend

Jesus Robert and the girl who plays lex can s i n g

LINDA

Linda bribing people is a mood

Becky Barnes. Nuff said.

Linda’s buying four what the fuck

IN SO MANY WORDS YESS!

I HOPE YOU DONT GET A WIGGLY! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!!

Well my children were accidents!

Becky is stunning but Linda’s also a bitch

Becky we love you

Becky my darling I’m so sorry

YEAH GERALD

Becky wants to fuck dumbledore

Jesus they’re both a mess

THE HOMELESS DUDE???!!??

OMG IT IS THE HOMELESS DUDE!!!!!!

They all just,,, got out of the line to dance around Becky and dumbledore

Oh my god it’s a train wreck!

(My favourite)

What do you say?!?!?!

Oh my god they’re a mess

Opening the doors!!!

DID YOU KNOW IF YOU SPEND MONEY, YOUR KIDS WILL LOVE YOU MAYBE??

Gotta love some capitalism

The cast is huge what is this witchcraft

COREY FINALLY GOT HIS OWN SONG ITS BEEN SO LONG

but his dancing there ?? stop it

GIVE US YOUR FUCKING MONEY! GIVE US YOUR FUCKING CASH!

Jaime up in here buying all of the fucking dolls

Linda u melodramatic bicth

ARE YOU HEARING THIS GARY!?!?!?

Linda’s like,,, ‘well shit guess I can’t buy four’

Gary really????

Shut the fuck up!

Fuck you! (Dramatically)

Kurt fucking up and stole a wiggly that’s a yike

Jesus this song is a bop

They spent approximately all of their budget on wiggly dolls and none on choreo

THATS where that comes from ooohhhhh

Joey only ever plays a douche with voice cracks especially in this show

Santa Claus is going to high school

Yikes what did he do to get banned from the mall

hes being a good father figure though

I get the feel he’s being slightly manipulative tho idk if that’s intentional

This is so sad lex play despacito

Yikes who’s beating Ethan up

GET IN THE KIDDIE TUNNEL

BECKY NO

TOM YES

Holy shit is Ethan dead

Jesus I’m going to cry Ethan no

NO!!!!! YOU CANT DO THAT!!!!!!!!

(Said in a Jeff voice) GET ME THAT FUCKIN DOLL IM JN A HURRY

I have pepper spray and I can use it more than you can ever imagine

(Said in a joey voice) I don’t know if u wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna fuck with meeee

And YOU are the most special person in it. I KNOW THAT!

Joey either plays characters with all the voice cracks or dramatic low voices

Did joeys Randi character kill Linda

YES I FUCKING SEE HIM

The Black Friday from hell

Shopper mania and a fuck ton of it

Yeah bob,,, are you serious

Jamie’s in love with the wiggly immediately

Kurts character gets it

Jaime can do background acting much good

President kurt is a yike

ITS GENERAL MACNAMARA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

FUCK YEAH WE CALL IT PEIP

Just me and a few of my peeps

ok so this is a Thing

As in crisis and mcnamara

The crowd went fucking wild when macnamara showed up and so did I

Jeffs falsetto song is a whole bop

BOP

And these eldritch forces are rising

Jeff just yeets the wiggly ookay

President kurt is having a meltdown

Is this spies are forever

INTERMISSION

bop

jeff doesnt look like a child

What does this have to do with anything

I mean the high school song is a bop but

Christopher cringle

Mr humbugger

Jingle! Jangle!

If anyone sees two elves in my locker I’ll get expelled for sure!

What the fuck

height difference in elves

Also what the fuck

Is Robert Santa now

OMG I’m calling it this is the film they were talking about

good choreo !!

Robert Lauren and the new guy who I thought was Corey for like the first 20 mins are all good dancers

This song is still a bop

What the fuck am I watching (Tom not me)

Omg I was right

Santa turns into a teenager so he can reconnect with the youth?????

okay What is this and can i punch it

their expressions whilst watching the shitty film is a mood

Beckys the only sane character

Becky and Tom are such white names

Plot twist Tom killed his wife

(lala that’s mean I’ll fight you)

WHITE NAMES AND QUARTERBACK AND CHEER CAPTAIN IM

why can i see tears in her eyes from this far away this is so sad alexa play haus of holbein

Holy fuck did she kill Stanley

Well yikes

You say you killed your family, I hope I killed mine

Well that’s that we got exactly halfway through imma post this now

#tgwdlm #starkid #black friday #black friday spoilers #robert manion #lauren lopez #jeff blim #starkid musical #musicals #black friday starkid #black friday musical

[neuropathicgypsy]

It rained today so I was absolutely exhausted all day and probably still high from my shot... It gets me all super relaxed all high like somehow the planet became perfect.

So I go to the fucking store.

To buy one fucking package of fucking cigars.

And i see this kid in the window and i already know this isnt going to go good.

And the little bitch walks away as i walk into the store. No one fucking greets me. I go like 3x a week or more sometimes less but i go a lot. No one has never not greeted me. Never.

So I'm looking straight at the cashier who's staring straight into my face. I remember this cause his face was white as a sheet.

So this little bitch is touching some girls elbow and her back is to me and shes holding a toddler. Then he moves a hot dog type item as if hes working and not socializing.

So finally he comes to attend and i tell him and hes all what?

I tell him again

Whats that?

Its a cigar

He never looks away from my face, just stares at me. "Can you help me get them? Idk what they are"

Dude turn the fuck around and use your goddammed eyes.

"You got eyes you can use them" So I walk this shit head through his fucking job to get 2 fucking cigars off the shelf.

And im not rude. I'm not yelling. I'm not punching him in the face. Im being patient as possible although already i think he's ridiculous.

So he scans it and I tell him my birthday. He cards me. Obviously i dont have my fucking purse,

So he makes a rectangular shape with his hands as if i dont know what an ID is and says he needs it.

Really? No you fucking don't. I been carded exactly once all summer and i didnt have it and Jordan sold them anyway.

This kid insists he must have it.

"You know you're a really shitty fucking worker" and I turned and walked away

And he yells byyye after me and all sarcastic have a nice night.

"Oh no you don't need to talk to me that way, you little bitch. Im coming right back"

And i did before he finished the guy who was standing behind me with hid hands absolutely full finished paying. I saw him think to the kid 'you shouldn't talk to her like that'

Mind you eveything else i said was said out the mouth.

So i was glad he said that. That was nice of him. Since i already been in line and decided if this two bit little shit wanted to not sell me cigars i was gonna throw down a fit, the other guy waiting I was gonna let go first. But he motioned for me to go first and the look on his face said i shouldn't argue. I already knew the other guy was FBI and they never travel alone so i figured he was doing his job as well.

The little shit didnt even know how to use the computer to scan my ID. He did it multiple times then finally looked at it and handed it back. All thinking 'Idk how to do this' DUH but you know how to type my birthday like i done told you 2x but i didn't even think it. Just put it back in my purse.

I know that my ID scans because although I'm not carded, sometimes i will hand them my ID if i have it out, if I'm not paying in cash. And i did just last week and this girl scanned it.

So i had counted out 6 quarters 2 nickles and 11 pennies. I knew my cigars are $1.61 i did this twice. First i counted it And knew it was fine but threw in 2 nickels for no reason except I wanted to. I do that a lot... Sometimes I catch myself and usually when i do im glad I did cause i end up getting pissed off at the store or in pain or both. But if i don't usually the people HAND me back the change -- often times the silver change and tell me i gave too much. And they're nice.

So i hand him the handful of change and I wait while he counts it.

He takes forever. So i wait.

Then he sticks out his fist, palm down and drops 10 pennies onto the counter and they bounce all over.

He's lucky I had a chill day had i been pissed off for two weeks straight like usually am, i would grabbed him by his throat. And bashed his head on the counter.

Since he hasn't shut up since I got home, that's exactly what i wish i done.

I picked up my cigars and put them in my purse and walked out.

He was embarrassed because he was too lame to figure out to find cigars he has to use his eyes to find them. I know cause his face was all red when he scanned them.

So he thought he won when i left.

What kind of stupid shit is that??? Fucking stupid. He can't do his fucking job he should actually give a shit about his customers.

He is the type that wants control over people. That's why he joined the FBI. Not because he cares but because he wants to control others by force.

By pretending to be a lame pathetic child, he can control peoples emotions to easily be taken over and controlled. Because thats hoe his father, also FBI controls him.

Hes the little Bastard child i had an issue with over the weekend.

Now I have memorized his stupid little face exactly. So his daddy thought he was intelligent in actually following protocol for once and making him actually follow the rules everyone else has to follow.

And he completely fucked up.

And not only was there 2 intelligent agents there but also a local police department officer parked across the street.

His little ass better not be in that store again or that ambulance that was in the parking lot will be needed.

[a-danny-phantom-fanatic]

Ow I fell and got hurt again

TL;DR: I fell off my bike and hurt my arm/elbow pretty bad

So after school yesterday, I was biking next to my friends and I decided to show off by riding down a big hill while balancing on the bike frame. It goes well but they yell at me cuz it's dangerous (they are smart) and sit down and turn back to them. I overturned and my bike crashes to the ground, and I, because I've gotten a concussion before, am now really careful to make sure my head doesn't touch the ground when I fall, so I end up scraping my arm across the asphalt to protect my head and immediately I yell that I'm okay. I get up and find my bike seat twisted and two women looking out to see if I'm okay. I give them a thumbs up and they look at me weirdly but I dismiss it and walk my bike back to my group of friends. About 10 seconds later I realize the nasty sting I'm feeling is actually really hurting and I'm getting sorta dizzy/tired so I put my hand to my wound. IT IS COVERED IN BLOOD. it's just pumping and bleeding on my pants and of course, it's the one day none of us bring tissues, so I'm left having a friend walk my bike to their house while I try to hold in my blood for the 10 min walk to their house.

I get there and go directly to their bathroom and start washing the hell out of it and almost start yelling with pain. I am now able to see clearly what kind of damage I've done and IM MISSING A SMALL CHUNK OF SKIN DOWN TO THE DERMIS. I'm in so much pain at this point but my friend pulls out some alcohol and puts it on a cotton pad and tells me to clean the wound. I wipe it onto my gnarled flesh and scream with pain. He leaves to get me some water while I clean it and I sit down and START TO FREAKING BLACK OUT. I hear only ringing and I know passing out isn't probably the best idea at the moment so I start wacking my head with my baseball hat and moving my legs to stay conscious. My other friend brings me the water and I am completely blind but somehow I am able to get a drink and my vision/hearing starts to return. My friend who was helping before comes back up and wraps my arm in some gauze until I can text my mom on what to do.

She texts back (she saw the pic i took of it) and tells me to just clean and wrap the wound and she'll take a look when she gets home. I agree but while looking at the pic to figure out what to do for cleaning I realize that the pic shows 3 GODDAM PIECES OF FREAKING TINY ASPHALT ROCKS STUCK IN MY ARM. My friend's step-dad looks at the wound and gets straight to work. He's pouring peroxide (which you shouldn't use cuz it kills the good bacteria too) all over it, sterilizing some tweezers and pulling out the rocks and finally after much stinging and pain he wraps it up with some band-aids and gauze and finally I'm able to achieve the real reason for coming over to my friends house: to try cupcakes and play Mario Party.

Anyways I did go to an Urgent Care but they only cleaned and wrapped the wound. They talked about putting in a few stitches, but after the doctor got another, they decided that there was nothing that they could pinch together because the skin around it was all ripped up and grated off.

Anyways I plan on biking by where I fell tmro to see if I can see any blood or perhaps my skin :)

Here's the pic of the bandage since tungle would definitely take down this post if I showed yallszarinos the wound:

Oh and if you really want to, here's a link to a doc with a pic of the actual wound once I had washed it with water and alcohol

#non dp #ow i got hurt #ow #story #gore?

[mywhiningthing]

Like can someone legitimately tell me why the hell if I do something good or productive its spat right back into my face? Like today I was going to be nice because my mom was super busy but there was some brush and baby trees that needed to be removed so I go to do that then I get a nosebleed and have to stop because I got lightheaded so I go into stop it and to eat and all we have is food that needs to be cooked but none of the pans or pots are clean and I just started the fucking dishwasher because no one else in this shitty house will do it so I have to litterally eat cubed cheese for food which wasn't so bad but its definitely not what u wanted so it gets dark and I can no longer work on the brush and stuff finally have a spoon so I eat microwaved soup. Well my shitty ass sister decided thats a great time to come in the door and let my cat out so she leaves the fucking door open for not even a minute and im focused on my soup got my ear buds in because my boyfriend this entire time has been ignoring me playing games with his friends. So he decides to clap his hand like a goddam monkey and be like can you shut the door. And I swear to God if I was a meaner person I'd fucking tell him in the time he took to get my attention he could've gotten off his fatass and done it himself but no I don't want to start a fight im to nice. Tha kfully my shitty sister came in at that time without my cat so I still had to get him but she shut the door. Now my boyfriend is ignoring me again not even knowing I'm pissed the fuck off. He always wants me to do shit but he can't get up and do it himself . Sometimes I wish I lived on my own itd be so great the only person responsible for anything would be me. If I had money and a truck I'd move to another state I swear I cant stand living in this rotting hell hole. It sucks being the mature one among grown ass adults

#ranting #mad #i'm angry

[hematite2]

Black Panther

man i though I was gona post this like a week ago?

ok im ready to write up my thoughts on this move

Hopefullly I’m sober enough to get this across

Ultimately, the problems with this movie is the same as 80% of the problems with all marvel movies: The marvel formula isn’t bad on it’s own, but the problem comes when a movie adheres more to the formula than to its own story, and black panther is a prime case of this.

Like, the formula isn’t the problem. The iron man trilogy is a prime example of the formula, I MEAN, it’s what helped create the goddam formula. It’s not a matter of being tired of the formula:  if Iron Man One came out tomorrow, after all the other marvel movies, I wouldn’t be upset at the formula because in Iron Man it works. The stories and characters are designed to be told in that format. Black Panther, and other more recent movies like Thor Ragnarok, aren’t stories that should ever have been told in that format, and they fall apart because of it.

Honestly, the movie has the same pros and cons of almost every marvel movie ever. It understands what makes a good hero/plot, but is too afraid to make its characters complicated enough to get him/her to that point, or they CANT get them to that point because they’re spending time filling in the formula. 

I really dont think I can get into T’challa and Killmonger here beyond the fact that Killmonger shouldn’t even have been in this movie, but look at the supporting characters:

W’kabi was a big glaring example of this for me. We first meet him as a friend and ally of T’challa, who trusts and respects his new king, and they clearly have a great deal of love for each other.  Then, T’challa fails to bring in Klaw, and W’kabi feels doubt at his new king. Ok, that’s all fine. Then Killmonger shows up and murders the man W’kabi clearly felt for, and he doesn’t show any development from it. then in the throne room, W’kabi is suddenly SUPER on board with the stated goal of child murder. And ordering his men to try to kill the dude he was friends with 24 hours ago.

Apparently W’kabi and Okoye had some sort of relationship, given that it’s a big part of the reason W’kabi recants when he realizes Okoye’s willing to kill him, but I literally forgot this for entire movie because it’s only mentioned or shown or talked about for a total of less than 60 seconds of the film, and dissapears at all other times.

Speaking of Klaw: He should have been the villain, in conjunction with Man-Ape. Like, you had a fantastic actor playing an interesting villain who isn’t a carbon copy of the hero. Not to say michael B jordan isn’t a fantastic actor and didn’t do a great job, but you could have made a whole separate movie about a killmonger plotline without writing out a great villain with an origin tied to Wakanda.

Like, do you remember Klaw’s cuttlefish speech in AoU? I do, because it’s goddam interesting. He was a type of villain we haven’t seen before, and instead he’s shot for a plot device, even tho B Jordan doesn’t NEED klaw dead to accomplish anything. He has proof he’s wakandan, all he has to do is show up at the border and show them his ring/tattoo.

As for man-ape, why wasn’t he the villain? This movie burnt through THREE of black panther’s main foes in ONE film. I suppose you could have man-ape turn evil later, but what would be the point? Why take a villain, focus a large part of your opening narration around him and his tribe, and then just...not have it matter?

Most of all, the entire emotional crux of the plot is largely ignored. When Erik is brought into the throne room for the first time, all T’challa has to do is acknowledge that he knows of his past. If T’challa stands in that moment and greets killmonger as the cousin he knows he is, and acknowledges the wrongs that he KNOWS were done to him, things happen quite differently. But it’s never even DISCUSSED or debated, then or with other characters later, except with panther’s dream dad (which had actually some glaringly terrible background CGI).

Also, Shuri making a “what are those” joke was probably the cringiest part of any marvel movie I remember so far.

These are my slightly drunk ramblings, they’re by no means perfect and probably aren’t that understanable even, but there we go I finally got around to doing this. I will hopefully make a separate post on T’challa/Killmonger and the troubles with their established dynamic but yeh.

#black panther #movie review #t'challa #marvel #killmonger #michael b jordan #chadwick boseman #man-ape

[theboxghost]

I had some actual life changing sex last night. Like damn I don’t remember the last time I had sex that good.

The new guy in Liquor, maybe he needs a name... of course he will never find this so he wont notice if I call him pickles. 

Backstory on pickles. New guy comes in to liquor and Helena is like damn check out the hot new guy... but after some fb stalking turns out he has a long term GF. He is lovely with a generally flirty personality, like end game I guess. Last week he added me on facebook and started messaging me excited about the party, which I would have thought was weird if he wasnt so nice all the time.

There was a raging house party at my place last night for Good Friday. I shouldn’t have done it because fuck me I am so sick. But I did anyway. Pickles turns up looking good as ever but I barely talk to him until the end of the night. 

so mostly everyone had left, its just 8 people left including me, so we are all sitting outside on the couches together. I’m sitting next to pickles and he sort of has his arm around the back of the couch towards me and I’m like ok hello maybe thats just a comfy way to sit. But then he went inside and someone else stole his seat. When he came back he squishes in on the other side of me. It’s a 2 seater couch, we were very smooshed together.  5 people were about to uber home and Jeremy was like hey pickles jump in the uber with us we are going past blackburn and he is like nah man I might just walk home it was really nice to walk here. It’s like 230am at this point so walking home is a dumb idea but whatever. Jeremy tried to convince him and he was like nah mate walking is good. So the 5 of them left. 

Then it’s just me squashed between 2 guys on the couch just chatting for like an hour. Pickles is getting more and more touchy feely at this point and I’m thinking something is definitely up. He keeps talking about how he cant decide if he should stay here or walk home. I’m trying to gauge what’s going on because I dont want to get suggestive if he has a gf... or in front of adrian. 

Anyway this drags on until like 430am and finally I’m just like hey I’m going to bed, you guys can either stay in my house or go home but when you do make sure this door gets shut. Pickles is like ok I guess we are going home... but first come here. So I sit down next to him and he puts his arm around me and we do the whole side hug thing and I sit there for a while and almost fall asleep on his chest while he rubs my arm. After a few minutes he is like ok you need to get up and go to bed and I was like ok ok. So I get up and he is following me and we just leave adrian outside. He says “sooooo I’m following you... do you want me to follow you” and im like yea man, and then we get to my room and he is like “is it ok if I crash in here” and im like year of course and we both get into bed

We cuddle and chat and hang out for a while, and I find out he is very recently single... like 3 weeks. so I’m relieved that I’m not going to be that girl because up to that point I was very confused lol

he has his hands on my waist and says something about being out of the game for a while (he was dating his ex for like 4 years) and then says something like “I’m not sure if you want me to kiss you” so obviously I kiss him. 

then we get all hot and heavy all of a sudden he is shirtless and I’m naked. He went down on me for like 15 minutes and it was fucking amazing. I’m practically begging form him to fuck me and he is like “sorry I dont fuck on the first date” and im like goddam what the hell I just want some diiiiccckkkkk. He doesn’t even want me to do anything for him and spouts some crap about being “a giver and not a receiver” so we go back to a bit of cuddling and chatting.

Then his hands are on me again and I’m like super horny and what do you know I’m on top of him. He looks and feels very very good naked. It’s like my perfect body type. Buff arms, toned legs, bit of a dad bod but a fit dad bod, good amount of chest hair, I’m practically dying. And i’m like don’t worry I’m not going to try and convince you to sleep with me, just wanna do some stuff to you. And then he is like nah fuck it do you have condoms. fucking score!

So of course I’m doing my usual “wow i have a gag refelx but look how much I make up for it with my tongue” thing.. and he seems to be loving life. keeps saying things like “fuck youre ridiculous”. His dick is pretty big too.

Anyway he gets on top of me and holy shit does this dick feel good inside me. It’s like optimum size and he is like optimum weight on top of me. boy is heavy and I love it. and damn does he know what he is doing. controlling and just that little bit rough. he is pulling my hair and holding me down. he looks so good on top of me and he is smiling... like he knows he is good at it and that I’m having a great time. I don’t know if it was the best sex ever or if I was just tipsy from the antibiotics and havent had sex in ages, but I haven’t enjoyed myself like that in a long time. I can’t even put my finger on why... it was just so damn good.

I’d love to fuck him again but he is moving far away... what a shame. I’m going to be thinking about it a lot

#mine #text #pickles #journal