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#everything makes me so self conscious and anxious. can’t do anything without feeling embarrassed
530862 · 3 months
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:/
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amlao · 9 months
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Day 261 of Being Single for the First Second Time in My Adult Life
I think I fumbled Shawn.
He invited me out for a low-pressure opportunity to meet, and I was super sick with strep at the time but thought that sounded lame and embarrassing (???) so I told him I was busy.
And now he hasn’t talked to me in over a week.
I know it doesn’t make any sense now, okay?!
When someone nice and normal takes interest in me and I have an absolute inability to act right, it really reminds me how messed up I am in the dating realm.
I’m so used to men being insanely persistent and ignoring my boundaries and feigned disinterest that I almost count on it.
I know that every day that I don’t reach out, it’s going to get weirder and harder to reach out, and the stakes are going to feel higher and I’m going to be more anxious, and I don’t know how to fix it.
The longer I go without talking to him, the more I feel like what I potentially say to him has to be perfect and strategic and hilarious.
I see the connection floating away and I feel powerless to stop it.
But the worst part is that I don’t get to be self-righteous or indignant, because he was literally just nice and normal and respected my boundaries and I’m the one acting way too cool and detached on the outside but way too fixated on the inside.
I’ve been lapsing on my connections in general. I’m letting my friendship with Rebecca slip too. She’s put all the legwork into the relationship: initiating it, texting first, orchestrating the two hangouts.
I know it’s time for me to take the reigns.
It just causes me so much anxiety.
And the anxiety is inhibiting, which makes being myself and reaching out harder.
So, how do I fix this?
I like my therapist, but her solution to anxiety just seems like such a do-nothing solution.
“Acknowledge the feelings but don’t try to fight them, and you’ll get desensitized to them in time,”
So, how am I feeling?
I’m feeling inhibited. I’m feeling self-conscious. I’m feeling uncertain in my social abilities.
I feel paralyzed in indecision, because I’m avoiding reaching out to escape rejection, but I also know that my prolonged distance guarantees rejection.
Okay. And what might happen if you put yourself out there?
Shawn has lived so much life and has seemingly been a self-sufficient adult for so long. I think he sees me as an equal in a professional career on the surface, but he doesn’t really know yet. I’ve had like, the world’s longest childhood. I’m immature. I can’t cook, I don’t know how to garden—I just found out that babies don’t drink water last year. I’m sexually inexperienced and have only slept with three people. I’ve also never felt self-conscious about the fact that I’m sober by choice, but when it’s in the context of everything else, it feels…uncool and like a lack of life experience.
But that’s just your life and the stage you’re at now. If he doesn’t like these things about you, doesn’t that just mean you’re incompatible? And wouldn’t you rather find that out for sure rather than making up his mind for him and always wondering?
Yes, but…I also don’t want to witness his disappoint in who I am in real-time.
Who says he’s going to be disappointed in you because you don’t know the same things he knows or have experienced the same things he’s experienced? Isn’t learning from each other the beauty of a new connection?
Does he know about the medical things you’re learning about?
Does he know about your hobbies and interests?
Why do you always discount the things you know a lot about as unimportant or general knowledge, but are mortified when you don’t know something?
Sure, you don’t know anything about kids and you couldn’t pick out a philodendron in a lineup of flowers, but how many people your age are as financially literate as you are?
Sure, you live with your parents in your 30’s, but you’re comparing yourself to someone who was forced to grow up and never even had that opportunity. It’s not a fair comparison.
Okay, true…but what do I do now? It’s been over a week. He’s probably over it by now.
Dude, he’s been DM-ing you since 2017. I don’t think he’s going to be over it in a week.
Just be yourself. If he doesn’t like you, you just get to know it’s not right and move on without regret.
What if I say something stupid or am acting in a way that’s so obviously weird and hot-and-cold?
Remember when you talked to Nick and he was like the way you act when you like someone x 1000? Super hot and cold? Weird and detached and pushing you away, but also very obviously enamored with you under the surface?
You can’t be ANY worse than that, and that didn’t stop you from being attracted to him for like, five years.
You’ve acted normal to slightly disinterested on the surface. Just make your interest in him more obvious.
I think you’ll be fine.
But what if I show interest and he thinks it’s too much and rejects me?
Taylor, SHUT UP. If Liv from Tiktok can text her crush daily with very minimal reciprocated effort for TWENTY-SIX DAYS, you can text a guy who literally put himself out there and expressed interest in you first. JESUS CHRIST.
And what about Rebecca?
JUST TEXT HER AND MAKE PLANS. She knows you were recently sick. There’s no pressure to be alluring.
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obeymeoasis · 3 years
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Demon Bros React: MC Gifts Them a Handmade Bracelet
Lucifer
“Luci, I made you something for fun but I’m not sure whether you’ll like it or not.”
He looked up from the stack of papers on his desk he was trying to get through. “As long as it’s not another bill like the one Mammon just racked up, I’m sure I’ll like whatever it is. Especially if it’s something you made.”
Blushing, you got up from your chair and quickly slipped the item onto Lucifer’s wrist.
He looked down to see a bracelet made out of elastic and chunky plastic beads. Among the red and black ones, the words “My Light” were spelled out.
“That’s just the way I feel about you sometimes. Whenever it seems like there’s nothing but darkness around me, you’re always there to guide me toward the light, toward better and happier times. You’ve saved me so many times.”
You looked at the bracelet on his wrist and suddenly felt self-conscious at how cheap it looked against the elegance of his RAD uniform. Lucifer seemed to be frozen in shock as well; he sat at his desk silent and unmoving.
“If...If you want I can take it back! Sorry, I just thought-”
Your sentence was interrupted by the full force of Lucifer crushing you into a hug. He tucked your head underneath his chin and he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head.
“I love it. I love you. You make my every day brighter by being with me. I can’t express how much I care-” He cut himself off, feeling his throat tighten with sudden emotion.
You hugged him back just as tightly. “Love you always, my light.”
Mammon
You were cuddling together on the couch, watching a movie. Mammon had his arms around you, one hand holding yours and the other tracing patterns on your thigh.
With your free hand you reached into your pocket to pull out the bracelet you had made earlier in the day. Bright yellow smiley face beads surrounded the word "Priceless".
"What's that babe?"
"I made it for you! Sorry it's not super fancy or anything. But I saw these beads today at the craft store and they reminded me of you. You make me smile all the time because you're such a goober."
Mammon grinned and acted mock-offended. "Hey! Is that any way to treat your first man?"
You continued, "And also, you're priceless to me Mammon. You know that right? I wouldn't trade you for anything. Not even all the Grimm in the world. You make me feel so happy and loved."
You heard Mammon's sudden intake of breath. "Y-You really have no problem saying such embarrassing things, huh." His ears and cheeks were bright red.
You thought that was the end of the conversation but a few minutes later you heard Mammon whispering into your hair. "My treasure, I love ya so much. What did I ever do to deserve ya."
"You deserve to be happy Mammon, you deserve all the good in the world. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently. I love you."
Leviathan
You were in his room, him playing a game and you putting the finishing touches on the bracelet you were making. Shiny blue beads with wave patterns on them surrounded the words “My Rock”. 
Quietly, so you wouldn’t interrupt his game, you placed the finished bracelet on his desk and moved to sit back down in your chair. Suddenly, his arm shot out to grab your wrist. He had paused his game and slid his headset slightly aside to ask: “MC, what is this?”
“Oh, I finished making this for you. Y-You don’t have to wear it if you don’t like it! But... I just wanted to give you a small present.”
Hand still holding your wrist, Levi wordlessly picked up the bracelet and examined it in the light. 
“Um... you know how my favorite animal is the otter? Well otters sometimes have a favorite rock that they keep in their pocket. And you’re my favorite, you know? Also you’re my rock because you keep me grounded a lot. Like when I get all anxious and stressed out you help calm me down. Whether it’s just cuddling or playing a game together, being with you is so peaceful.”
As you continued to ramble nervously, Levi’s cheeks began to grow redder and redder. “You really made this for me? This isn’t like a pity gift is it? Are you sure you want to give this to a-an otaku like me?”
You sighed and moved to wrap your arms around his neck. “Levi, you know I would never gift you something because I ‘pity you’. And also, I don’t understand what being an otaku has to do with anything. I’m giving you this because I love you, all parts of you.”
Levi looked at the bracelet for a moment longer before quickly slipping it onto his wrist. “I-I really like it. Thanks, MC.” He seemed to be gathering up his courage for something and letting out a deep breath he turned around to give you a quick kiss.
“S-Sorry! Sorry, I just... I’ve never received anything like this. I like you a lot, you know?”
You returned his kiss with one of your own. “I know.”
Satan
You had finished a light lunch together and now were browsing Satan’s favorite bookstore. He was looking at the history section while you were pretending to look at the bookmarks, gathering up your courage to give him his gift.
You were worried a bit that he wouldn’t like it. The bracelet itself was made out of inexpensive materials, emerald color beads and beads that spelled out “Beloved”. It didn’t seem like the type of thing Satan would wear.
He interrupted your thoughts with a tap on your shoulder. “Everything okay, MC?”
“Yeah, I was just...” With a sigh you held out the bracelet to him, there was really no point in stalling. “I made this for you. I understand if it’s not really your thing but just know the message is genuine.”
He pinched the bracelet between two fingers and began to examine it. "Beloved, huh?” His lips were quirked in a smug smile.
“Don’t tease me. But y-yeah, you’re my beloved. I never thought I’d meet someone like you here, you know? You feel like you fit right against my heart, like you’re my soulmate. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
All of the amusement was wiped off of Satan’s face and his eyes seemed to burn into you, the way he was staring at you. He deliberately rolled up the cuff of his RAD uniform slowly and made sure you were watching as he put on the bracelet, turning it this way and that to examine it. 
“It’s a good thing you don’t have to think about that, pet. Because trust me when I say that I’m never going to leave you. You’re stuck with me forever.”
With a wet laugh you rushed to hug him, burying your face into his chest. “That doesn’t sound bad to me at all.”
Asmodeus
You were in Asmo’s room, helping him paint his nails. His left hand was already finished and you watched him blow on the nails, trying to dry them. He held out his other hand for you and you pretended to fiddle with the nail polish before quickly slipping on the bracelet you had made for him earlier.
“MC, what is this?” Asmo looked at the bracelet, soft pink heart-shaped crystals surrounded beads that spelled out “Jewel Of My Heart”.
“Well, I know it’s nothing much compared to the jewelry you already have” you said, nodding toward Asmo’s vanity which held a variety of sparkling necklaces and earrings. “But I wanted to give you something handmade.”
“Oh, it’s so cute darling! I love it!” Asmo pulled out his cellphone and started trying to take pictures of his wrist from different angles. “Can you help me, MC? My nails are still a bit wet and I don’t want to ruin them. But I also want to post a picture to Devilgram immediately!”
You chuckled and took Asmo’s phone from him, trying to move his wrist to get it in frame. 
“I know you’re not the Jewel of the Heavens anymore. But I think of you as the jewel to my heart. You’re beautiful, Asmo. Not just the way you look but the way you’re able to find beauty in everything. Even in me, no matter how terrible I feel sometimes.”
Asmo had gone silent and you looked up to see him biting his lips, his eyes widened. “MC, that’s cheating. You can’t say things like that when I can’t even give you a proper hug right now. Ugh, you’re too adorable.”
Smiling, you held up his hand and pressed a gentle kiss against it. Asmo inhaled sharply.
“Darling, I think we can finish the other hand at a later time. Right now, there are other pressing matters I’d like to get to.” Asmo’s eyes had turned lustful and he quickly scooped you up and led you toward his bed.
Beelzebub
You were in the kitchen together, Beel helping you test a new pie recipe. Well, he was doing more eating than testing, letting out small whines until you gave in and fed him spoonfuls of fruit filling. 
It was warm and peaceful, the smell of sugar and vanilla in the air as you mixed a pot on the stove and Beel leaned against the countertop.
“Oh Beel, before I forget.” You reached into your pocket and pulled out a bracelet made up of small orange beads and plastic teddy bear-shaped beads. In the middle were the words “My Strength”.
You helped him slide it on his wrist and smiled at his confused look. “I made this for you today. I saw these beads and thought instantly of you, ‘cause I always call you my giant teddy bear.” For emphasis you gave him a hug and laughed at how small you felt in his arms.
“And also, I think of you as my strength. You’re super strong, yeah, but not just physically. You’ve always been there for me, whenever I felt down or scared or sad. You give me strength when I need it most. And I hope that I can lend you some of my strength too for whenever you need it.”
As Beel looked down at the bracelet, a slow smile spread across his face. “You’re cute, MC. Thank you for the gift. And you make me stronger every day by just being with me. I hope we can be together forever.”
You reached up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek and he returned it with a sudden passionate one on your lips.
The two of you stood kissing for a few moments longer until you broke away from him, smelling burning sugar. “Oh god, the filling is burning! Quick, turn off the stove!”
Beel looked into the pot, which had turned from a deep red cherry color to almost black, and shrugged. “Eh, I’ll still eat it.”
Belphegor
You don’t know how long you had been napping for, but you woke up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. You were warm and comfortable, one of Belphie’s legs wrapped around your own and his arm across your stomach. 
Looking down at his wrist you realized it was the perfect opportunity and slipped the bracelet out from your pajama pocket. The square lilac-colored beads looked cute against his wrist and you made sure the words “My Comfort” were facing the right way up so that Belphie would spot them when he woke up. 
You thought it would have been easy to give him his gift undetected, considering how much of a deep-sleeper he was, but at your movement Belphie scrunched up his nose and slowly opened his eyes.
“MC?” His voice was bleary from sleep. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing babe, go back to sleep.” He nodded and turned to face the other way but must have felt the beads pressing into his wrist. Confused he lifted his arm up and squinted at the bracelet. “What is this?”
You sighed, a bit nervous at how he would react. “I made it for you. It’s nothing fancy but I’ve been wanting to give you something for a while now. Something to remind you of me.”
He ran his fingers along the beads and mouthed the words “My Comfort”.
“That’s what you are to me. Comfort. When the world is too loud and my thoughts are too jumbled, you help make things quiet. You’re like a warm blanket that can muffle out the bad and the scary. I just hope that you’re as comfortable with me as I am with you.”
He remained silent for a while, rolling one of the beads between his fingers. Finally, he moved to bring your wrist to his mouth and pressed a light kiss on the inside of your wrist and then the center of your palm.
“I never thought I would get to have this, you know. A kind of love like this.” He rolled over so that you were face to face and tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear. “Don’t ever leave me, okay?”
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
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Beyond The Darkness
Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)
Warnings: Angst, Relationship Struggles, Self-doubt, Insecurities, Swearing
Genre: Angst with Fluff Ending, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: Y/N finally expresses their worries, reluctance and suspicions regarding their relationship with Corpse who is more than surprised to be hearing such confession, thinking their relationship couldn’t be more perfect. Well, perfect on the surface.
Requested by @cinnamonbun332  Hi darling! I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request, but here it finally is! You asked for some heartbreaking and then heart-healing and I hope I delivered properly. Please enjoy! Love, Vy ❤
I didn’t choose to be insecure, I never wanted to be so anxious and self-conscious. No one can blame that on me for it’s something I’d get rid of within the blink of an eye if it were that easy. I didn’t choose to fall in love with Corpse either, it just happened. I was taken by storm by the feelings he awoke in me. It was terrifying and made me become a whole different person around him. I was torn between wanting him by my side at all times and never wanting to see him again for the purpose of those feelings dying down. That being said, I can’t be blamed for that either.
However, I can be blamed for one thing: accepting his offer for a date. I didn’t have to. I probably shouldn’t have accepted it just as much as he shouldn’t have brought it up. But, alas, I couldn’t help myself. That storm of emotions, that stirring lava within the volcano I was at the time was dying to seep out to the surface so it wouldn’t burn me from the inside out. Him asking me out on a date was practically the vessel for me to finally have a chance at expressing myself and how I feel and that’s something I’ve never been able to do properly or openly. 
But with Corpse it has always been so easy.
Or...it was so easy.
It was easy until I started overthinking everything. Every interaction between us, between him and his friends. Between our two separate worlds.
I now have a hard time seeing us as a union, like we’re living together on the same planet of understanding and companionship. No, we’re more alike two planets in orbits near one another that are close but not close enough. Never destined to touch. Where I once saw light, I now see nothing. Almost as if I flipped the switch to my happiness myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if I did, it wouldn’t be my first time. I have a way of always finding a way to kill my happiness, put an end to my bliss. The key to doing so is what I already mentioned: overthinking, underestimating, undermining, over-worrying. In short: allowing my mind to torture me.
Sadly, it’s also forcing me to torture others.
At the moment, I’m spending day four back into my apartment, having come back with the excuse that I needed to get some piping fixed in the kitchen and needed to watch over the plumbers as they worked. I think Corpse bought that only halfway but if he didn’t believe me, he didn’t show it and I’m grateful for it. Or at least I think I am. Obviously, there was a part of me which screamed ‘See, he doesn’t care!’ at me when all he said in response to my announcement was ‘Oh, ok’. Of course, I didn’t pay that voice much mind then, but it’s starting to creep back in now and I really don’t know what to distract myself with to avoid hearing it. It’s not like I can internally deafen myself to stop it from eating away at me slowly but intently and with a scary determination that even I myself don’t have. Sadly, the pessimistic side of me does.
Truth be told, I wasn’t planning on staying home alone for four days straight, thinking I wouldn’t be able to make it that long without Corpse, thinking my loneliness would kill me. But, now that I am indeed alone, for some reason, I don’t feel really lonely, if at all. It’s refreshing and new, like a new but old perspective. Basically one I’ve missed for quite some time now without knowing that I did. Who knew going back to my empty apartment would be the cure to my messy head. Well, not a direct cure, but I have managed to map out at least a small portion of what’s going on up there, mend some of the damage I’ve done to myself.
Why do you always do that?
There’s that voice again, and some audacity it has! I’m not doing anything to myself! That voice is!
Saying that in court would easily land you in a mental facility, you know.
Fucking touché.
I think the reason why this is happening to me at the moment is because it’s been exactly four days since I last contacted Corpse. Or since he last contacted me. See what I’m going for here? See how toxic my mindset can be? Yeah, even I can hardly believe it sometimes. Like, how can something so dark be part of me - someone who used to be so cheerful and bubbly growing up. My nickname used to be ‘sunflower’ for a reason, but I might as well be a wilted willow now.
And who do you have to blame for that?
Will you fucking shut it!!!
As I’m in the midst of yet another self-argument, I near the doorbell ring, scaring me to the point I almost fall off my desk chair. I only then become aware of the blank MS Word document staring back at me. Throwing myself into work hasn’t been able to help me today. Instead of it distracting me from my struggles, it’s the other way around and I can’t fucking stand it.
Just like I’m beginning not to be able to stand myself. How Corpse and my friends do it, I have no idea. Well, they have it easy I guess, they don’t have to hear all the shit that happens in this beehive on my shoulders.
I lazily saunter over to open the door, not even thinking about looking through the peephole prior to turning the doorknob and swinging it open. That’s a mistake, considering that the mess I am is now face to face with Corpse. Let’s be honest, I’m past the point of stressing over how I look in front of him, we’ve been dating for almost a year now after all. However, this look on me right now is beyond disturbing. One that would leave him questioning if I need help or if I’m doing alright. The answer to both of those questions is no, by the way. Yes, to both.
“Corpse?“ I croak out, fighting my way out of the cloud of confusion surrounding me.
“Y/N?“ He replies, mimicking me though his confusion isn’t as much confusion as it is concern. Gotta say - rightfully so.
I shake my head as if awakening from a fever dream, basically hitting the ground head-first, “Um...yeah, uh, come in!” I finally manage to say, forcing my feet to step aside to allow him inside.
He nods and takes a step beyond the doorstep, cautious as though I’ve rigged the place with traps. I mean, ok, I’m weird, but not that weird. I’m not a complete psycho. At least not yet. Give me a few more months by myself. Or weeks. 
“I haven’t been here in so long...“ he mumbles, sounding almost as if he’s talking to himself. Before I could say anything, he wanders off into the kitchen, “Where are the plumbers?“
“What plumbers?“ I blurt out, unable to contain the widening of my eyes when I realize what I’ve said.
You. Fucking. Idiot!!!
“The ones you came here to monitor...?“ His answer sounds more like a question as well, both of us just staring at each other as we await what idiocy will leave my brain and come out of my mouth next.
The silence lasts for a few seconds before he breaks it by speaking up again, “There are no plumbers, are there?”
“No, not today! I mean- not right now.“ I resist the urge to smack my forehead with the palm of my hand in embarrassment. “They’ll come back...later! They were here up until an hour ago.“
Real smooth, Y/N. This is why you never play Among Us
Corpse looks around, even taking a peek over my shoulder before making a mock-confused expression as he shrugs his shoulders, “Your kitchen looks pretty tidy for being a place of such complex fixes happening.“
I let out a hysterical gust of laughter, squeezing my thumb so hard I might rip it off my hand, “Yeah, you know me, I like my living space tidy.”
He nods slowly, “Yeah, I know you. I know you’re not.“
The air gets caught in my throat when he eyes meet mine when he says that. I feel redness creeping up my neck, spreading across my cheeks and climbing up to my forehead and ears.
Oh you’d so be ejected right now
“Y/N, what’s really going on here? Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? If so, please just tell me. This silent treatment and avoiding is killing me. If I didn’t come here I would’ve gone insane. You would’ve found my walls with writings on them...“ He stops talking abruptly, letting out a soundless sigh as though his soul left his body, his gaze softening with sadness, “That is, of course, if you were even planning to come back. Ever...“
“Of course I was!“ I exclaim, feeling my chest tighten at the hurt I see in his eyes, “I just...I needed time. I still do.“
“Time away from what?“ He asks, desperate to hear the answer no matter how much it could hurt him.
I honestly don’t know what to tell him. I have no idea what I’m running from. I don’t even know if I’m running, hiding, contemplating, I have no idea what I’m doing. Is he the problem? Am I? Are we the problem? Our relationship as a whole?
“I don’t need time from anything, Corpse. I just...I need some time with myself. With my own thoughts. I’m really torn, have been for quite some time now. I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know if I’m doing is the right thing. I don’t know if we are the right thing. I-...“ I buffer for a second, feeling the words start getting more and more tripped up as they climb up my throat. Eventually, they end up getting caught in an invisible net which doesn’t allow them to make it to my mouth, let alone leave it. Now at a loss for words, I let out a sigh of defeat, feeling my eyes welling up with tears, “I don’t know anything, damn it! I’m a mess. Why do you tolerate me? I’m no good to myself let alone to someone else!“
I don’t know where this outburst came from, but I��d be a liar if I said it wasn’t relieving. I feel like a popped balloon, letting out what’s been straining me from the inside for a long time now. Lord knows how Corpse took it, I can’t bring myself to look up at him, but all I know is that I finally did something I can officially deem right.
Suddenly, I feel the familiar touch of Corpse’s hands on my shoulders, pulling my chest flush against his, his arms wrapping around me, enveloping me in a tight embrace. His lips plans a kiss a the top of my head before he rests his chin there, holding me tightly.
“Why haven’t you told me any of this?“ He whispers, his voice emotional to the point of almost making me regret saying all that.
Almost...
“I didn’t want to worry you.“ I let out a half-hearted chuckle, “And I didn’t want you finding out what kind of nut-job you’re dating.“
He scoffs, “Even if you were a nut-job, Y/N - which, by the way, you’re not - I wouldn’t mind. I’m a nut-job for you. Utterly and completely crazy for you, babe. I’m always here for you, always there for you to talk to me, tell me all that’s going on in that busy head of yours. All you have to do is talk, and all I’ll do is listen.”
I sniff briefly, “Now you’re making me regret not saying it earlier.”
“Then I’m doing the right thing.“ He mutters, his tone suggesting I take the wheel of the conversation and say all I’ve been keeping within me until now.
“You see, I tend to enjoy certain things a lot. Get attached to people super quickly and easily. And then, after a certain period of time, I find myself rethinking and overthinking everything about that thing or person to the point I’m not even sure I like it - or them - anymore. At least not to the same degree as previously. I slowly start become unsure of everything around me, even my own thoughts and feelings. It’s almost like where I used to see light, there’s now darkness. Worst part is, I’m the one who put that light out for myself. I always do it to myself and then hate myself for it. It’s a vicious cycle that I can’t escape - killing my joy and blaming and despising myself for it.“ I sigh, nuzzling my face into his chest, “I just wish this curse avoided our relationship. You’re too good to me, I love you too much to lose you, Corpse.“
I feel his arms tighten their hold on me even more, pulling me even closer despite it not being possible. “Y/N, you can’t lose me. Not over that, not over anything. We all have our demons, you just gotta remember to hold onto me tighter than those demons are holding onto you. You gotta let me help you when you realize you can’t help yourself.” He gently pulls away from me, his hands now coming up to cup my cheeks as he gazes into my eyes, “You gotta learn to see beyond the darkness you surround yourself with. Beyond the darkness, that’s where I’m waiting for you. I’m always gonna be there. I’m a very patient guy, you know.”
I can’t help but laugh, suddenly feeling the bubbly giggles escaping from my chest, pressed out of me by the massive wave of relief that’s washed over my sore insides. Sore from the holding back and now even more so from letting go. But damn does it feel good.
“Looks like I don’t need a plumber but an electrician to fix this light I keep turning off.“ I say, pushing up on my toes to only barely touch my forehead to his. Luckily, he sees what I’m trying to do, so he leans down. “I need him to make it un-turn-off-able.“
Corpse smiles, humming approvingly, “I can help you with that. Starting with...“ and with that he tilts his head, his lips colliding with mine.
I gotta say: damn have I missed this feeling.
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161 notes · View notes
hetalia-reacts · 3 years
Note
PLATONIC HEADCANINS !! PLATONIC HEADCANONS !! HOW ABOUT- a doting touchy-feely PLATONC reader with the allies?? Friendship headcanons :3 (do Axis if u can but PLEASE don't do that if you are tired or busy PLEASE don't ♡♡:))
America
I feel Alfred is also a bit of a touchy-feely kind of friend too
Especially with best friends and whatnot
Is either always at your house or telling you to come to his
He just wants to watch movies or play video games with you
Heck he just wants to exist in the same room with his bestie
Will Alfred wake you up at 3am to do something with him?
Yes
Y’all will either be doing mundane things like going on a store run or literally committing a crime
There is N O in between
Since the both of you are both touchy-feely and likely clinging to each other you bet you’ve gotten the same question 1000x
“Are you two dating?”
You both either go for the ewww hell no or a straight faced but sarcastic yes we totally are
But it’s 50/50 if you both actually go for the same response
It’s a game at this point to see if you guys can read each other’s minds
You guys usually make an awkward situation for the person that asked because one will say yes and the other says eww and neither of you will back down and explain that you guys are just sarcastic and teasing jerks lmao
England
Arthur isn’t the most touchy person so having a friend that is can be tough sometimes
He does appreciate the hugs and physical comfort/support but he just gets kinda awkward
Well at first anyways
When you are certified besties he’s used to it and one can often find him gravitating towards you to just be close
Will never admit he likes it though sorry he’s a hard head
No one dares ask either of y’all that dreaded question though because they don’t want to deal with his sarcasm and the lecture that’s sure to follow
Arthur is a chill bestie though
Often invites you over to just be together
He doesn’t care if it’s just to talk, do something, or simply enjoy the presence of someone else
Help him cook maybe?
Even if you suck at cooking he enjoys attempting to cook with someone else
And that also means having fun in the kitchen and being complete dorks the whole time
And also having to order food or eat a sandwich because unless you can cook it’s going to be inedible
Will make you watch and read Sherlock, even if he has to be there or read it to you it’s happening
France
Francis is very touchy as a friend unless he knows someone dislikes it
So having a bestie that is like him is perfect
People probably think y’all are glued together at this point
No one would ever think y’all are dating either because Francis acts completely different with his bestie than a love interest
He’s kind of a mean ass ngl
He likes to jokingly bicker and fight with you
And definitely likes to cling and be dramatic with you to the point it’s annoying to others
Francis drags you with him everywhere
His house, the gym, the store, England’s house, etc
He cant just go alone anymore it would feel wrong like he’s forgetting something
If you’re bad at dressing or have no style he’s got your back
Literally shops for you but also constantly says things like you’ll never look as good as him
You are also one fo the few that will ever see Francis get serious or down in the dumps
It’s just something he doesn’t wear on his sleeve and reserves for those closest to him
Canada
Matthew is not used to having people cling to him
He’s not really used to having people notice him so having a someone that’s his bestie, that notices him the most, and always clings and talks to him is a strange and wild concept
Doesn’t mind the touchiness and honestly rather prefers it
He’s kinda touch starved :/
Matthew is likely always at your house with Kumajirou
Movie marathon and cuddles yo
Also as his closest friend you come to see his ‘secret’ side of being sarcastic and a complete savage
This boy does not hold back with you either
Maybe at first he did but when he realized y’all are in this friend stuff for life he won’t censor or sugar coat things if it’s not necessary
Makes you play and watch hockey with him
Will teach you everything if you know nothing
Matthew is the type of friend to invite you to his families holidays/vacations and come to yours
He knows and is cool with basically all of your family
I mean who could hate or dislike this polite boy?
Russia
Ivan is not used to friendship either as people usually tremble in fear before him
so having a friend that is touchy on top of having a close friend can be a bit much at times
But he’s happy!
He loves the hugs! Loves the contact! Loves having a friend!
Loves cuddles most of all he won’t lie, Ivan loves the feeling of comfort and support when you cuddle him
People do often assume you two are dating because most people assume someone would only put up with him if they were in love with him
Neither of you mind the rumors since y’all know the truth
Ivan is the sweetest friend
He shows up unannounced with food or groceries all the time
Always helping you out without being asked
Like oh your washing machine broke I fixed it/bought you a new one already or oh you suck at this let me explain it and teach it to you
Does this completely unprompted
He’s always over at yours or always inviting you over to his
Wants to do classic friend things?
Like things he sees in movies and shows that friends do a lot or things he’s overheard from others
Late night store runs, hanging out at parks, showing up unannounced to crash at your place, those kind of things
You’re the only person he confides in, you know all his secrets, his sadness, everything
Honestly, Ivan is the person who needs a touchy-feely friend the most out of everyone
China
Yao is happy about having a touchy friend but will always play like he hates it
Not in like a tsundere “I totally d-don’t need friends baka” kind of way but a really dramatic “omg I can’t believe you’re so obsessed with me haha loser” kind of way
He’s only joking of course and apologizes if you get hurt by his teasing or he crosses a line
Only a brave few would try and ask if y’all are more than friends
They have to listen to a lecture with an angry Yao explaining that people can be close and not want to date and how immature and inappropriate they’re being
Totally the type of friend that mothers you
Constantly says you look skinnier than last time and forces you to eat because he’s worried for you
Will not sugar coat anything for you
If you ask for his advice then I’m sorry but you’re gonna get it even if it makes you cry or get mad
Yao wants you over at his constantly
He’s lonely man ㅠㅠ
And he doesn’t want to leave the comfort of his house
Expect a lot of his gifts for your birthday/holiday to be cute plushies he found
Germany
Ludwig act differently depending on when y’all become besties
Like before Italy, he’s nervous, confused, and slightly annoyed by all the touching and notion of being besties
If it’s after Italy he’s used to all the touchiness and has figured out how to show his friendship to you in other ways
Like making you things! Or simply inviting you to hang out!
Ludwigs is always gonna be a bit awkward though
Always shy about hanging out and inviting you over
Many people assume you two to be dating because of his awkwardness but he is the first to start defending your friendship and it’s pure nature
He develops a sixth sense and now answers people’s questions about the two of you without even looking at them
He can just feel the nasty vibes
Asks you to do mundane things with him
Like shopping or even chores
Asks you to come bake with him a lot
It was embarrassing at first since not many people know his love of making sweets but he’s over that now
I know I say this a lot, but please work out with him _(:3 」∠)_
My guy just wants a work out buddy, a spotter, a n y t h i n g just please pick up the smallest dumbbell and pretend you want to work out
If you ask for advice expect him to be straight to the point about it but comfort you afterwards
Italy
Feliciano is a god tier bestie if your touchy-feely
Doesn’t matter if that touchy-feely emotionally and/or physically he’s down for both
Like please hold his hand, hug him, give him head pats, cheek kisses or any form affection really
No one even thinks anything of it, it’s just Feliciano being himself
If anyone did ask if you were dating he might get self-conscious of his actions, he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or like he was trying to be something more with you
He’s easy to calm down though
Feliciano invites you out all the time
Restaurants, wine tastings, farmers markets, gondola rides, just about anything he can think of that he thinks you would like to do
Always at your house
He eats all of your food too, but he makes you some in return so it’s okay
Gives really good advice
Like for his bestie he’ll get super serious and thoughtful about your issues, even spending days thinking of solutions
Tries not to sugar coat things for you but ends up doing just that
He doesn’t want to make his friend cry or even more anxious
Will comfort you though if you are upset about anything he’s said and apologizes profusely for it too
Japan
Kiku is overall one of the ones who needs a touchy bestie but is the most challenging with receiving or giving the touchiness back
He’s a man who enjoys personal space and alone time, so he’s honestly surprised anyone considers him a true best friend
He knows he can get a bit feisty and shut himself away when he gets uncomfortable and that makes it hard to truly befriend him
But he’s really happy you stick around and deal with his awkwardness and rejection of your affection
Tries his hardest to at least accept your friendly affection
No one would dare ask if you two are flirting or together because my god it’s taking so much of his effort to just sit less than 2 feet away from you at the start so they don’t want to ruin his progress by making it awkward
Kiku definitely asks for your opinion on anime and manga
Gets into heated debates with you over certain ones
Is shy but asks you to come over a lot
Likes to have tea and snacks with you while you guys talk
Y’all can talk for literally a whole day
You sleepover a lot, he insists and even got you your own futon with a cool custom cover
Gifts you a kotatsu at some point because he loves them and he thinks you should enjoy them all the time too
When he gets over a lot of shyness he loves when you do simple forms of affection with him
Like ruffling his hair or holding onto his arm or even just leaning against him
He enjoys those the most since they aren’t too physical and mentally taxing on him and it still let you physically express your friendship with him like you love to do
If you ask for advice either get prepared for a harsh wake up call or a stumbling mess of words
It’s 50/50 if Kiku gives you the stone cold truth or tries to spare your feelings
As your friend he thinks you deserve the truth but he doesn’t want his harsh advice to ruin your mood or make you hate him
110 notes · View notes
mydogisveryadorbs · 4 years
Text
stood up | jj maybank
summary: jj rescues you from being stood up
warnings: slight cursing, mentions of smut (if you squint), tiny bit of angst, tooth rotting fluff, rafe being a prick, jj being a soft angel
masterlist :)
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It's gotten to the point where you are actually twiddling your thumbs to entertain yourself while you wait. Gnawing on your bottom lip, you glance at the analog clock on the diner wall. 
Your waitress, who you've learned over the last five times she's checked on you is named Cathy, walks toward your table again. “You sure I can't get you anything while you wait, sweetheart?” Cathy asks, holding her notepad in one hand and a pen in the other, ready to take any order you give her. She seems like a sweet older woman, maybe in her mid-60s, but you can't help but be annoyed at her for continuing to come to your table. You know it's her job, but doesn't she realize that you're probably not going to change your mind about ordering no matter how many times she comes back.
You feel your face warm as blush blooms across your cheeks and you shake your head. “He should be here any minute,” you tell her in an attempt to be convincing, however, the waiver in your voice giving away your true feelings.
You had been sitting in this booth for just under an hour and a half waiting for your date. To say you were shocked when Rafe Cameron had abruptly asked you on a date last week would be an understatement. The two of you had barely spoken to each other and before that, you didn't even know that he knew your name.
Pulling up the text conversation between the two of you, you check again to make sure that you got the time and date right, even though you've looked seven other times already. Much to your dismay, the text still hasn't changed.
Meet me at Joe’s Diner on 
Friday night at 7.
“I'll just grab you another Dr. Pepper,” Cathy says, giving you a look of pity as she takes away your empty glass.
You lick your lips. “Actually, I'll just take a water,” you tell her, knowing that the more sugary, caffeinated soda you drink the more anxious you will become.
Cathy nods. Walking off to another table.
Did he really stand you up?
Sure you were aware of the fact that Rafe Cameron had a reputation of sleeping with a lot of girls, but would he really stoop this low? It's true that you weren't very well known at the kook academy. You made pretty good grades and ran for the cross country team, but for the most part, you went unnoticed at school. Maybe you should have realized that a guy like Rafe Cameron would never actually want to go on a date with a girl like you.
Your stomach turned in your belly and you debated calling your older sister to come to pick you up. Looking around, you noticed most of the people in the diner were giving you sympathetic looks, obviously understanding that you had been stood up.
This might as well go down as the most embarrassing moment in your life.
Gulping, you shuffle your feet under the table preparing yourself to make a fast exit out of the diner. You are taking one last deep breath when someone plops down in the seat across from you.
You quickly look up and your eyes meet none other than JJ Maybank. The infamous pogue and weed supplier of almost every teen on the island.
“Hey,” the blonde boy says to you with a smile, picking up his menu. “Sorry, I'm late. The traffic is insane right now.” 
You continue to stare up at him in bewilderment, completely confused about what is going on.
He leans forward slightly and you do the same. “I'm JJ. Just go with it, yeah?” he says in a whisper. “Whoever didn't bother to show up is a dick,” JJ adds, sitting back in his seat as his eyes roam the small menu in his hands.
Your eyes widen in realization and you look around to see that no one is staring at your table anymore. You open your mouth to tell him he doesn't have to do this for you when Cathy returns, notepad open and pen at the ready.
“Finally,” she says under her breath, but still loud enough that both you and JJ are able to hear her. “What can I get for you two?” Cathy asks.
“We'll have two cheeseburgers and two orders of fries,” JJ says in a cheery tone. “Oh and two chocolate shakes,” he adds after a second, handing off both of our menus to Cathy.
You look at him again, mouth gaping open like a fish, but no words find their way out. JJ just smiles at you, softly patting your hand which is resting on the table in front of you.
Cathy finishes writing down your orders and looks up, eyes moving between the two of you in suspicion. “Will that be on one check or two,” she asks, her voice slightly monotone.
“One.” “Two.”
JJ and you speak at the same time. Your eyes move to his and you stare each other down.
“One check, please,” JJ says without looking away from you.
“That'll be right out,” Cathy says, quickly scurrying away from the two of you.
Unable to stand the continuous eye contact with the cerulean eyed boy, you glance down at the napkin in your lap. “You don't have to stay here, you know?” you say to him, not looking up. “I'm fine on my own.”
JJ shrugs. “As far as I'm concerned, I just scored myself a date with a really pretty girl,” he says as if it's no big deal that he just saved you from the embarrassment of the century. “Speaking of which, I didn't catch your name.”
You look back up at him and JJ offers you a small smile. A curl from his mess of blonde locks has fallen on to his forehead and you have an indescribable urge to reach across the table and move it to the side. You've heard a lot about JJ Maybank and his player ways over the years, but being this close to him for the first time you finally understand why all the kook girls are so obsessed with him. He's gorgeous; tall, tan, and toned. The three T’s.
But in the past few minutes, you've decided that there is an even more prominent quality that attracts guys and girls alike in figure eight. It's his pogueness. That's the best word you can come up with to describe the combination of his fashion sense, lifestyle, and aura. Everything about him is everything that kook teens are not. They do say that opposites attract.
“I'm (Y/N),” you say, reaching your hand out across the table for him to shake. It's the first time you've spoken directly to him and JJ is bewildered. Your voice is confident and yet it has a softness to it and JJ can tell from the small interaction that despite the fact that you conform to peer pressure, you have a strong will.
After a moment of silence, you speak up again. “Seriously,” you tell him, sincerely, “You don't have to stay here with me.”
“Seriously,” JJ says, slightly mocking you. “I want to,” his tone is so honest that it makes you really want to believe him. “In fact,” he adds, his eyes brightening with an idea, “Let's make it official.”
You give the blonde boy a confused expression so he continues. “(Y/N)- wait what is your last name,” he asks quickly and you tell him. He clears his throat, pulling one of your hands into his two big ones. “(Y/N)(Y/L/N), will you do me the honor of going on a date with me.”
For a moment you are distracted, looking at how he is holding your hand, but you snap out of it, looking up at him.
You just got stood up by the wealthiest and most attractive guy in figure eight, who by the way has nothing on the blonde boy in front of you. How are you supposed to believe that JJ actually wants to go on a date with you?
You think about the fact that he practically saved you and how he's been nothing but sweet since he got here. 
“Sure, JJ Maybank,” you say with a smile. 
JJ’s brows furrow and he smirks. “You know me,” he asks, but it's more of a statement. It is your turn to look at him in confusion so he explains. “I never told you my last name.”
You blush, hard, knowing that you were caught. Trying to play it off, you shrug. “Everyone on this island knows who JJ Maybank is.” The blonde boy’s smirk only grows at your statement.
“So I've got a reputation,” he asks cheekily.
You nod your head, playing along. “Oh, yeah. A big one,” you tell him, a big smile growing on your face.
“Hmm, let me guess,” JJ says, leaning forward in his seat. “You've heard all about how I'm a weed-smoking party boy who goes home with a different girl every night?” You nod, the smile never leaving your face. “Well, I guess I have some work to do to show you I'm actually a decent guy huh?” 
The boy almost pouts at his words and you can't help but let out a small giggle. JJ smiles wide, thinking that your laugh has to be the cutest thing he's ever heard.
You open your mouth to give him a snarky response, but before you can, Cathy walks to your table with your orders. Your jaw drops and your mouth waters at the sight of the large cheeseburger in front of you.
JJ laughs at your reaction. “I probably should have asked if you eat meat,” he says. “But judging by your reaction you do,” he adds with a laugh.
You blush at his comment as the two of you dive into your burgers and fries. As the night goes on you learn that you have more in common with the blonde boy than you ever thought possible. You share a very similar taste in music and you bond over your love of the ocean.
You are in the middle of ranting about your adoration of sea animals and how you would love to study them one day when you notice JJ staring at you with an unreadable expression. 
“What?” you ask, feeling self-conscious under his gaze. Do you have food on your face or something?
JJ shakes his head with a smile, resting his chin on the palm of his head. “Nothing,” he says, tilting his head slightly. “You're just really beautiful.”
You know that your face is tomato red at his comment. Pulling your hands up, you cover your face with them in an attempt to hide your blush. JJ tugs at your arms, gently pulling them away from your face. “Hey, don't hide,” he says with a small giggle. “Your blush is adorable.”
A few minutes later when your embarrassment has simmered and your face is back to its normal color, you look up at JJ, copying his actions from earlier and resting your head on your palm.
“You're way different than I expected, JJ,” you tell him with a small sigh. 
JJ smiles. “Is that a good thing?” he asks, his smile not faltering.
“Good,” you say, simply.
“Good,” JJ says, smiling wide.
When the check comes you offer to pay half but the boy refuses. “At least let me pay the tip, JJ,” you plead, moving to pull some bills out of your wallet. 
JJ puts a hand on yours, stopping you. “Next time,” he says and you comply out of shock from his words. He wants a next time?
Cathy wishes the two of you a good night and you glance down at your phone noticing it was a little past 11 meaning that you and JJ had been together for almost two hours.
JJ walks you home like a true gentleman and the two of you stop in front of your door. He grabs both of your hands in his, looking down at your shoes and back up to your face.
“So, I know this was kind of unconventional,” he says, voice slightly waiving with nerves, “But maybe you'd want to go on a real first date with me sometime.”
He scratches the back of his neck, not meeting your eyes, and a big smile makes its way to your lips.
“I'd love to, JJ,” you say, tugging his hand so he looks back at you. JJ has a smile that matches yours and his eyes flicker down to your lips before coming back up to meet your eyes.
You bite your lip. “If you don't stop me right now, I'm gonna kiss you,” JJ says seriously.
You look down before looking up at him confidently. “What if I don't want to stop you,” you say, not breaking eye contact with his cerulean eyes.
JJ wastes no time in pressing his lips to yours. His hand reaches up to cup your jaw, the other gripping your waist as his lips work against yours. You let your arms snake around his neck as you deepen the kiss. Pulling away, the two of you breathe heavily. 
JJ touches his forehead to yours, pressing a small kiss to your nose.
“You gonna invite me in?” he asks, only half-joking.
You let out a breathy laugh. “Not a chance, Maybank,” you say and he pouts.
“One more kiss,” he asks, giving you his best puppy dog eyes.
You laugh pressing a quick peck to his soft, pink lips before slipping out of JJ’s arms. He lets out a dramatic groan.
“Pick me up tomorrow at 6,” you tell him confidently before you open your door. Looking back you see him nodding profusely so you walk inside, shutting the door softly behind you.
Leaning your back against the door, you can't help the grin that makes its way to your lips. 
Your sister spots you as she walks downstairs. “Hey, (Y/N/N),” she says with a smirk. “You're home late. I take it the date went well.”
“Yeah, really well.”
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lovelykhaleesiii · 3 years
Text
Insecurities
PAIRING: Tom Holland x fem!Reader
Words: 884
Summary (requested by anon): “imagine with Tom Holland where they are on holiday but the reader is insecure about her body and won’t wear anything revealing. Of course embarrassed at both the fact that she doesn’t like her body and that she won’t let Tom see it.”
Warning: body image issues, low self-esteem, fluff 
A/N - hope you enjoy it anon (apologies if it’s shit) :) x
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Holidays with Tom were incredible. It was the fact you could explore different parts of the world with your one and only love, was a privilege in itself. Often life would become ridiculously busy with work, personal events, not to mention even Tom’s own matters would disrupt yours... Regardless you were there, as he was for you. These holidays were nonetheless, much needed time away from the chaos. 
And this time around, you’d both opted for a tropical getaway in Tahiti. The weather was divine, the people were beautiful and you were both overjoyed. Finally in the privacy of each others company. 
However, there was one thing in particular you’d always dreaded about these summer vacations... Swimsuits: well more so the fact that you’d have to wear them in front of Tom. And having already dressed for the occasion to head to the sunny beachside for the day, you really weren’t mentally prepared. Upon leaving the bathroom, you’d wrapped a robe loosely around yourself, only to be met with Tom waiting by the door, skimming through the bag to make sure you’d left no essential behind. 
To be frank, you were always self-conscious of your body, always outweighing the imperfections against anything, and so during these times your appearance was most exposed, you hated. 
Tom noticed this, he’d notice how anxious you’d get wearing something that clung and displayed your body for the world, and when you meant the world... Paparazzi, fans, the whole lot. 
Often you’d make up excuses to avoid situations like this, “Oh babe I don’t feel so well... Have my periods” etc. 
And Tom hadn’t really caught on your white lies, or so you thought. 
“Tom, babe, I’m actually a little jet lagged... Perhaps we can swim tomorrow-” 
“Alright Y/N... What’s going on?” 
He’s sudden, abrupt answer had caught you off guard. Usually, Tom wouldn’t further question you, he’d simply brush it off as it is, make sure you were okay or needed anything, and let you be. 
“Uh. Wh-What do you mean?” 
“I mean I can see what you’re doing, Y/N… Don’t think I haven’t realised darling. Now be honest, what’s going on?”
You remained still, standing by the bed, your complete gaze entirely on Tom, contemplating on whether it was best to act unaware of such behaviour or to just confess. 
With a quick glance to the side door, observing the intense greenery outside your room and a deep sigh, you knew it was best to admit not only to Tom, however to yourself as well… There was a problem, and a deep one of that. 
“It-It’s just I don’t feel comfortable okay… Please don’t think you were ever the problem, it’s just something I’ve dealt with, nothing new, Tom, I promise.” 
Exhaling deeply, it seemed you weren’t just off the hook yet. He grew anxious, your words in an attempt to deter Tom from believing that he was the problem, didn’t seem to work. 
“So then darling, Y/N, what is the problem?-” 
He tensely exclaimed, breaking the small distance between you two, as his hands tightly gripped the sides of your forearm, before gently caressing their way down to lock hands with you. 
“What is it that you’re not comfortable with baby?” 
“I-I just feel… Insecure. I always have, it’s been an issue since I could remember, I’ve just never been confident in things like this-” 
You proclaimed, breaking Tom’s grip from you, as you waved your hands against your body. 
“And being with you, by your side means more attention… And more attention always scares me, Tom.” 
It took immense courage for you to confess your deepest self-doubt, and it took a lot for Tom to take it in, and yet he ached for you.
“Oh Y/N, darling-” He sighed, his muscular arms dragging you in again, for a short embrace before his hands reached up to softly clasp your face.
“Forget the attention, forget everything, God, even forget me! You are so beautiful, my love… And I know, I can’t fix everything right now, we’ll persevere together like we always do, but you need to know the facts of just how beautiful you are. Everything you may hate, I love, and if I’m being frank, there’s not one thing you could say that would convince me otherwise.” 
God, how you loved the way he spoke… He was incredibly articulate and knew exactly the right words to say. 
“I appreciate this Tom-”
“No darling, I appreciate you for being so upfront with me. I knew there was something there, but I wanted you to trust in me to speak up-” 
As he spoke those meaningful words, his fingers ran through your Y/H/C hair, pushing it back gently away from your face. 
“And you did. Look, how about we spend the day doing something else, how about hiking, huh?”
“Oh but Tom, the first thing you wanted to see was the beach-”
“And I did darling, as we flew down onto the runway-” He briefly laughed, his face inching closer towards yours to meet for an intimate kiss, before breaking off again.
“Y/N we took this vacation to be with each other, to make up for the lost time. I’m not doing anything without you...” 
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sunlight-moonrise · 4 years
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The Five Dates (Reid Request)
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Summary: Reader decides that she wants to help Spencer experience the things he missed out on when he was a teenager. 
A/N: I had a couple of people ask for a part 2 to The Five Times so here it is. Originally was gonna leave that fic as a standalone but writer’s block on my other WIPs led to this sequel. I strongly recommend reading the first part before reading this one so that the story-line makes more sense. As always, thank you to the lovely @spencer-reid-in-a-pool and​ @wishingwellwriting​ for being fantastic betas. They have amazing fics, so if you need another Spencer Reid fix, they can most definitely deliver. Enjoy!
Category: Fluff
Content Warnings: None
Word Count: 6.0K
Masterlist
The first date I had with my neighbor, I don’t think it really counted as a date.
Spencer and I were eating dinner at my apartment after he told me the man who tried to attack me was in custody. We were sitting on the couch with the TV on but I didn’t know what was playing since we were talking the whole time.
He told me that he does magic tricks, enjoys ghost stories, and loves to learn. In return, I told him my favorite hobbies, some habits that I can’t get out of, and food that I enjoy cooking. He listened with rapt attention, hanging on to every word I said. It was amazing being able to spend time with someone like this. It felt like I’ve known him for years rather than a few months.
“…and that’s probably my worst experience from school,” I finished, recounting the tales of my teenage years. “What about you? Anything you wish you can take back from the early days?”
Spencer suddenly turned away from me and became silent. I looked at him in confusion. Was it something I said? Did I offend him?
“Oh, I—I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” I asked, my voice coming out as a whisper because of how low I spoke.
He quickly shook his head, as if driving away some bad thoughts that plagued his mind. “It’s not you. It’s just that I was a 12-year-old prodigy at a public high school in Vegas. I didn’t have a lot of fun experiences.”
I could hear the sorrow in his words when he told me this. I know how cruel kids could be, especially to someone they considered an outcast. My heart ached for the little boy who went through so much misery at such an early age.
There were a few more seconds of silence before I had a lightbulb moment. “Well, maybe we can change that,” I suggested. “We can do some things that typical teenagers do.” A million ideas immediately came to mind. We can go bowling or ice skating or bike riding.
“I don’t know. I kind of got over that point of my life.”
“Oh.” There was no hiding the sadness in my voice, which made me feel worse. There’s no reason for me to feel dejected over his statement. I shouldn’t be so selfish.
Spencer must have sensed that something was off with me because he quickly tried to correct himself. “It’s not that I don’t want to have these experiences. I just find it embarrassing that I haven’t had them yet, even now.”
“I’m not going to judge you, Spencer. I don’t want you to feel embarrassed with me,” I assured him. I moved my hand towards his as an offer to hold, which he surprisingly took. His hand completely enveloped mine. “Tell me some things that you’ve always wanted to do when you were younger but never got the chance.”
He took a moment to think while I anxiously waited for his response. “I never had the chance to have a sleepover. I had too many responsibilities at the time. I always wanted to go to a festival or a carnival. I also—” he suddenly stopped talking. I noticed his face turning slightly red as he bit his lower lip, his other hand patting against his leg.
“What is it, Spencer?”
“I-uh always wanted to wine and dine a girl, maybe take her to see a play or movie. I wanted to take an evening stroll and just stargaze for a while.” His voice became smaller the more he talked. I hated that he started to feel self-conscious around me but knew that it couldn’t be helped. I was going to change that. I was going to make sure that Spencer Reid experienced teenage fun.
“Anyway, it’s getting late,” he said, removing his hand from mine. “I have to go in tomorrow and I am sure you have an early day as well.”
“Let me put these dishes away and I’ll walk you to the door.” I grabbed our plates and walked to the kitchen, placing them in the sink. My mind was racing with thoughts on what to do for Spencer. When I returned to the living room, he was already by the hallway, grabbing his belongings.
I slowly opened the door for him, watching as he stepped out of the apartment. Before he made it too far, I grabbed the sleeve of his arm, prompting him to turn around. Here goes nothing.
“Spencer Reid, would you like to go on a date with me?” I asked, the pitch of my voice a lot higher than normal. Despite feeling nervous, I made sure to look him in the eye and maintain contact. He stared back at me, mouth agape while his face was turning pink.
“Are you sure?” he questioned, looking down at his feet. Mental note: build up Dr. Reid’s confidence, at least around me.
“I have never been more certain of anything in my life,” I answered honestly. I smiled at him when I noticed his lips tugging upwards.
“Yes. I would like to go on a date with you, (Y/N).” The smile on his face was adorable and I was happy to be the cause of it. “Uh m-maybe I could get your number, so that we can talk,” he added.
“Sure.” I took my phone from my pocket before giving it to him. He put in his number, a bit slowly but I wasn’t complaining. I saw it as more time I got to spend with him. Once he handed my phone back, we just stood in front of each other for a while.
Before I lost my resolve, I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his cheek. Before either of us could do anything, I muttered a quick “Goodnight Dr. Reid,” and closed the door. My heart thumped erratically as I slid down the door.
“Goodnight (Y/N)” I heard through the block keeping us apart. His footsteps got quieter and quieter until he eventually opened and closed his own door.
At that moment I couldn’t help but think that I was definitely infatuated with Spencer Reid.
●●●
The second date I had with Dr. Reid, I was a nervous wreck.
Spencer and I have been texting back and forth these last few days. Luckily, we were both free this weekend, so we planned on going out. I haven’t told him yet where we’re going, much to his dismay. The only hint I gave him was to dress casually.
I’ve done some research and found that there was a food festival happening Saturday afternoon. A lot of local restaurants will have stands and distant establishments will be sending food trucks. Their theme is “Around the World” so we’ll get to explore various cultures. I’m hoping we can learn some new things from the different cuisines that would be showcased.
Saturday came around and I made sure I had everything ready. I wanted our date to go off without a hitch. I wanted this to be one of Spencer’s best experiences.
I heard a knock on my door, causing my heart to pick up a bit. I don’t know why I started to sweat. Sure, I’m going on a date with a good looking and successful man but there’s nothing to be nervous about, right? Right.
I heard another knock, more hesitant this time. I quickly made my way towards my door, taking a deep breath before opening it. Thank the angels I took in that breath because I immediately lost it again at the sight of him. 
Spencer was holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Lavender roses and red carnations were a few that I could identify. I think the purple flower might be an orchid. 
He lifted them towards me, a slight tremor in his hands. “These are for you.” 
“They’re lovely Spencer, thank you.” I grabbed the flowers from him, taking in the smell of the blossoms. “I’m going to put these in a vase. I’ll be right back.”
I made my way to the living room to do just that. I grabbed my bag and a jacket before checking myself in the mirror one last time. Happy with my appearance, I returned back to Spencer. I shut the door behind us as we walked towards the elevator.
“You look beautiful, by the way,” Spencer said as we entered the elevator. I can tell he was still nervous, the thrumming of his fingers against one another and the bouncing on his feet a few signs hinting towards his anxious state.
“You look dashing as well. Although I do remember telling you to dress casually, mister,” I said, a small smile appearing on my face at the sight of his own.
Spencer was wearing a dark pair of slacks with a light purple button-down shirt. His hair was slicked and combed back. He was rocking back and forth on his beat-upped chucks and I can see the mismatched socks peeking through. He looked a bit silly, especially considering where we are going, but handsome nonetheless.
“I don’t have casual clothing. Plus I wanted to look good for you.” I could feel my face getting warm because of his words. “By the way, it’s doctor.”
I giggled at his comment, which caused him to laugh as well. We exited the elevator and out of the lobby.
“We’re going to take the subway to our destination,” I informed him. “It should take less than half an hour to get there.”
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?”
“It’s still a surprise, doctor,” I beamed at him.
Fortunately, we did not experience any delays on the train. We spent the duration of the commute getting to know one another even more. He told me some stories involving outings with his co-workers and I could tell that he really loved each and every one of them. I shared some work stories and funny memories with my colleagues as well.
Once we got to our stop, I grabbed his hand and led us to the festival. It was a 10-minute walk from the exit. I turned to him as soon as I saw our destination within our sights.
“A food and wine festival?” he questioned.
“Yeah, I know this isn’t exactly what you had in mind when we were talking the other day but I thou—“
“I like it, especially since I’m  spending the day with you.” There goes my heart again, picking up pace as if I ran a marathon. I’m sure he says these things on purpose just to see me flustered.  
Spencer squeezed my hand in his and we explored the grounds. We decided to share a plate from each stall so that we can experience as much as possible. Spencer walked us to the first stall he saw, which showcased food from the Philippines.
“Did you know that Filipino food draws roots from their neighboring Asian nations as well as some Spanish countries?” he stated as we looked at the menu, “It is considered to be a perfect blend of Western and Eastern food. Actually—” he suddenly stopped himself. I looked at him curiously, wondering what caused his interruption.
“Sorry, I have a tendency to ramble.”
“There’s no need to apologize. I want to hear what you have to say. Let’s order something and you can finish telling me.”
He smiled brightly at me and squeezed my hand. After ordering a siopao to share, we sat at a table while he finished telling me facts about Filipino cuisine. As a matter of fact, he told me a lot of information about various cultures and countries as we walked from vendor to vendor.
We tried risotto from an Italian booth, which Spencer said was not as good as his friend’s cooking. We also got carne asada tacos from a Mexican food truck, where I discovered that tomatoes, dragon fruit, and vanilla originated from Mexico. We ate some sake nigiri sushi from a Japanese stand. I found out that Spencer cannot use chopsticks to save his life. I decided to feed him so that he doesn’t accidentally drop our food. We ventured to numerous vendors and had our fill in almost everything that was offered. We even had desserts and some drinks.
By the time Spencer and I made it back to our apartments, we were both stuffed. I was close to going into a food coma and I knew Spencer wasn’t far behind either.
“I don’t think I’ve ever eaten that much food in my life,” he commented as we stood in front of my door.
“You and me both. I’m sure I gained 10 pounds,” I joked, enjoying the way he laughed at my attempt at being humorous. I still held his hand in mine, not wanting the evening to end, but I knew it had to. We had spent the whole day together and we were tired.
Spencer made the decision for us. He lifted my hand, placed a chaste kiss on my knuckles and wished me sweet dreams before he retreated to his own home.
At that moment I couldn’t help but think that I was definitely charmed by Spencer Reid.
●●●
The third date I had with Spencer was ruined, but then fixed.
I was organizing a picnic basket when I received a call from him. I was puzzled as to why he was calling, especially when we’re supposed to meet up in a couple of hours.
“Hey (Y/N)” His voice came out gruff as if he just woke up.
“Hi Spencer, are you okay?” I heard some coughs coming from his end and I immediately became concerned over his well-being
“I don’t think I can go out this afternoon. I’ve been sick these past few days. I was really hoping to get back on my feet by now. I am so sorry.”
Before he could say anything else, because I knew he would in his remorseful state, I interrupted him. “Spencer, it's fine. We’ll raincheck,” I assured him. He tried to thank me, but another set of coughs came over. These sounded worse than the first ones.
Spencer managed to get out a goodbye before hanging up the phone. I contemplated what to do. He sounded so sick and miserable on the phone. He likely has a sore throat, maybe even muscle aches. The idea of him alone and shivering caused a dull pain in me.
I decided that I was going to see this man. I could make him something warm to eat and lend him my thickest blanket. We could even watch a movie together too.
With that in mind, I made some chicken soup and herbal tea. I put the items in containers before placing them in my picnic basket. I grabbed my largest and heaviest blanket, placing it over my shoulder. It wouldn’t fit in the basket, no matter how many times I folded it. Lastly, I grabbed my laptop, so that we can stream movies. Spencer once told me he wasn’t big on technology so I had no idea whether he owned a TV or not.
Once I had all the essential items, I made my way across the hall, knocking on his door. Unsurprisingly, it took a while for him to open the door. I waited a minute or two before he answered and was disheartened by what I saw.
Spencer was pale, well paler than usual, with a light sheen of sweat on his forehead.  His under eyes were dark and his nose was so red. He wore a robe over his pajamas. He looked as if he was about to fall over any second now.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, eyeing the blanket wrapped around me. His voice was slightly slurred and he was leaning on the doorframe to keep himself up.
“Well I figured since I couldn’t take you out on a picnic, I’ll take the picnic to you.”
He looked down at my hands, noticing the basket I was holding.
“You shouldn’t be around me, you’ll get sick.”
“Spencer Reid, you’re worth the cooties. May I please come in?”
He relented, leaving the door open for me to follow. I took in his apartment, appreciating his more vintage style. He had a massive collection of books, some of them in languages I couldn’t even identify.
“You have a miniature bookstore in here,” I commented. I turned towards him, seeing his figure laying down on the couch. 
“I like to read,” he simply said, the words muffled by the couch cushion he was lying on. I went towards him, shrugging off the blanket from me and placing it on top of his lap.
“If you get cold, use this to keep you warm. I’m going to heat up the soup and tea. Try to stay awake for me.”
Spencer nodded his head, bunching up the soft material in his hands. I quickly grabbed the content from the basket and dashed to the kitchen. It took me a few minutes to find where he puts his utensils, but I had everything taken care of in no time. I even found a tray to help me carry the food.
I brought the dishes to him, warning him of the heat. “I hope you like chicken soup and ginger tea. I added some honey to satisfy your sweet tooth.” He thanked me, holding the bowl close to him to keep him warm. I settled myself on the couch next to him, happy that he wasn’t complaining about our proximity.
“I have my laptop with me. We can watch some movies if you want.”
“I’d like that a lot.” We ended up watching The Matrix and Minority Report. Spencer tried his best to stay quiet during the films, but couldn’t help but to comment about certain technicalities and improbabilities. I found his rambling endearing, adding in my own opinions after he finished sharing his thoughts. I had to remind him to not strain his voice when he got on a tangent on how the idea of living in a simulation is not possible. He lost me once he started talking about quantum physics.
Spencer looked at the clock, noticing the late hour. “Are you going to leave?” His voice was low, and I am positive it was not because of his ill state. He was talking with passion and intensity a few moments ago.
“Do you want me to?”
“No. Is that selfish of me?” My heart skipped a beat. Knowing that he wanted me to stay with him gave me feelings I couldn’t quite describe.
“Of course not, Spence. We could have that sleepover you missed out on,” I stated enthusiastically. He stared at me for a moment, and I wondered if I misunderstood the situation. Before I could apologize for my assumption, he started talking.
“That’s the first time you called me Spence.” He’s right. All this time I’ve been addressing him as Spencer or Dr. Reid. “I like it,” he finished.         
“Let me grab my pajamas and some toiletries. I’ll be back before you know it.”
I sprinted to my apartment, changing into my sleepwear and grabbing my necessities before returning to Spencer’s. I am sure I was there and back under five minutes.
Spencer and I continued our evening playing board games. We played some chess (which I lost at) as well as poker (which I also lost at). He showed some card tricks and tried to teach me a basic one. I couldn’t do it as smoothly, but he said that with practice I could become a magician.
I knew the night was coming to an end when he began to yawn every few minutes. Despite saying that he could stay up longer, his body needed to recover.
“You should take my bedroom,” he offered after coming back from the restroom, “You’ll be comfortable there.”
“Absolutely not. Slumber Party rules dictate that we sleep in the same room.” He laughed at my proclamation.
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. Now I’m going to use your bathroom. Do you keep your spare sheets in the closet?”
He nodded drowsily as I made my way to his bathroom. I did my nightly routine and grabbed a blanket from the closet. When I returned to Spencer, he was already dozing off.   
He looked so peaceful at this moment, I’ve never seen such a look on him. I kissed the bridge of his nose and made my way to the armchair.
 I settled myself as comfortably as I can.. Before I fell asleep, I could have sworn I heard a “Goodnight” coming from his direction. When I peeked to see if he was awake, his eyes were still closed but he had a wide smile on his face.
At that moment I couldn’t help but think that I was definitely captivated by Spencer Reid.
●●●
The fourth date I had with Spence, he was in charge.
Spencer told me that he wanted to take me out as a way to show his gratitude. I wanted to tell him that it was unnecessary, but he looked so eager and I didn’t want to take that away. Plus, I was looking forward to whatever he came up with. I know that with Spencer, I am bound to have a good time.
He kept everything a secret for me, which was no surprise considering how our first official date went down. The only thing he told me was to dress nicely, yet comfortably.
My body was pulsating with excitement. I made sure to spend extra time with my makeup. I didn’t want to go overboard, but I definitely wanted to accentuate my features. I chose to wear a maxi skirt with my favorite blouse. I added a few accessories and paired everything with some heels.
I didn’t have to wait long before hearing a knock on the door. He always seems to have impeccable timing. I practically floated towards my door with how happy I was.
Spencer was dressed in black dress pants and a deep blue button-down. The outfit was accompanied with a dark tie and blazer combo. He even had dress shoes on, which came as a surprise since this man loves his chucks.
“You look as handsome as always, Doc.” He smiled at my words. I love that he was more comfortable with my compliments. It seems like we came a long way from him stammering over his words and fidgeting with his hands. Although I must admit that I am going to miss his bashful behavior.
“I got this for you.” He revealed what appeared to be a corsage in his hands, the flowers of the accessory matching the one pinned to his blazer. “Uh- I-I know it is probably a bit um juvenile. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”
“Spence, I love it. And I’ll love it more if you put it on me.”
He beamed at me, taking the corsage out of the casing and carefully securing it on my wrist. He was so gentle and patient while doing the task. Once he was done, we headed down to the lobby.
“I hope you don’t mind that I am driving,” he said as we made our way to what I assumed to be his car, a two-door pale blue Volvo. I was not surprised, this is his exact style.
“As long as you get us to our location in one piece, I don’t mind at all.” He opened my door for me before settling in on the driver’s side.
As Spencer drove, we talked about the antique style of his possessions. He shared that his Mom had a similar taste and he was very close to her when he was younger. I wanted to ask more, elated that he was telling me about his family, but decided to hold back. The way his voice wavered as he was talking showed me that this was a major effort for him. I decided to share some stories about my family and their influence over my own lifestyle.
Time always seems to fly with Spencer because before I knew it we were already parked. Being the chivalrous man that he is, Spencer made sure to open my door for me. He held my hand as we walked to the restaurant. I admired the ambiance of the venue. There was a band playing soft jazz music and lights scattered upon the ceiling. The décor was beautiful and the overall atmosphere was very cozy.
The hostess led us to our seats after Spencer informed her of our reservation. We sat at a corner table, providing us the perfect amount of privacy.
“Have you been here before?” I asked.
“No, I haven’t. As a matter of fact, a friend of mine recommended this place. He said that it was the perfect place to...uh, woo a girl.”
“Well, I am entirely wooed. But that is mostly due to the present company.” He smiled at me, before looking at the menu. I decided to do the same after noticing the pink tint at the tip of his ears. I still got it.
The rest of our dinner went smoothly. We ordered our meals as well as a glass of wine, in which I was informed of the many health benefits that come with drinking a glass of red. I was able to convince Spencer to show me a magic trick using a coin and napkin. He did it multiple times, yet I couldn’t find out how it worked. We talked about music, literature, art and so much more. We were so deep into our conversation that we didn’t notice our food had arrived.
My food smelled amazing and tasted even better. I couldn’t help but ask Spencer for a bite of his. He was willing to share as long as he got a piece of my food as well. We ended up splitting our meals with each other.
After paying for the entire bill, much to my protest, Spencer took my hand and led me out of the restaurant. I thought it would be the end of our night together but was wrong. Spencer said that there was one more surprise for me.
The car ride this time was a bit on the longer side and I wondered where on earth he could be taking us. It wasn’t until I saw a sign that a large smile appeared on my face.
“A drive-in theater?” I excitedly asked.
“Yes,” he confirmed, “I hope you don’t mind watching a scary movie.”
“As long as you don’t mind me holding you when I get scared.”
“Deal.” 
It was not difficult to find a good spot to enjoy the film. I screamed and jumped multiple times for two hours straight, much to Spencer’s amusement. He attempted to distract me by telling me facts about certain aspects of the movie which marginally helped. By the end of the film, I had started to get drowsy due to all the mini shots of adrenaline.
“Did you have fun?” he asked as he drove us home. I could hear the uneasiness in his question. I’m not sure why he was nervous, this was hands down the most fun I ever had on a date.
“Of course, Spence. This had to be the best date I ever went on. Thank you.”
He smiled widely at the road and I made sure to cherish the moment. It was not often that I got to see such a large grin on Spencer’s face. Happiness was such a good look on him. It makes him appear much more lively and handsome.
I closed my eyes, allowing them to rest momentarily. I didn’t expect to be so tired from an outing. The motion of the car driving on smooth pavement was almost like a lullaby that lured me into a light slumber.
I’m not sure how much time has passed before I was lifted into someone’s arms. If it wasn’t for the scent of coffee and cinnamon, I surely would have panicked. I felt the press of warm lips on my forehead and couldn’t stop the sigh that left my mouth. I buried my head deeper into the arms that cradled me.
At that moment I couldn’t help but think that I definitely adored Spencer Reid.
●●●
The fifth date I had with Spencer was unplanned.
Spencer has been going on cases more often recently, so we didn’t have a chance to meet. We’ve been texting one another, even calling if time allows it, but I wanted to see him.
When he told me that he was finally flying back home, I decided to meet him at his job. I considered whether or not this would be crossing boundaries, but chose to accept the consequences of my actions later.
The drive to the building where Spencer works was not as long as I imagined. After receiving a visitor’s pass from the front desk and a vague direction of where to go, I found myself lost on the sixth floor.
“Can I help you sweetheart?” a feminine voice asked me. I turned to see a brightly colored fashionista in front of me. I was in awe of her vibrant attire. “Hun?”
“Oh uh, I’m sorry. I’m—I’m waiting for Spencer Reid to return. Umm, is there a place where I can wait for him?”
She beamed at me, her comforting smile providing me some relief. “The team isn’t coming for another half hour. You can wait in my office if you’d like.”
I nodded my head and followed her, taking in my surroundings. I have never been in such an official building before.
“Here we are,” said the kind stranger, leading me to a room filled with a bunch of monitors and computers. “I’m Penelope by the way. I work with Spencer and friends.”
“I’m (Y/N), Spencer’s neighbor.” I practically saw a lightbulb go over her head as she let out a squeal. Penelope started talking a mile a minute, I couldn’t understand what she was saying. It wasn’t until she saw the bewildered expression on my face that she paused and took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, it’s just that Spencer has spoken about you a few times. I didn’t want to assume initially but I figured who you were earlier. Our resident genius doesn’t get many visitors here.”
My face heated up. I was stuck on the fact that Spencer spoke about me to his colleagues, the people he considers his second family. I wondered what he said. Hopefully nothing too embarrassing, he always seems to catch me at some mortifying moments.
“Anyway,” Penelope continued, “you have to tell me about yourself. Spencer doesn’t share enough details and I promised not to search you up.”
For the next half hour, Penelope and I traded information about ourselves. She told me how she got the job as a technical analyst and some other activities she does outside of work while I told her about my typical routine and favorite pastimes.
Penelope’s phone vibrated and she immediately looked at her screen. “They’re here. Let’s go meet them upfront.”
We walked back to where I came from, standing in front of the elevators. We didn’t have to wait long for the doors to open before I saw a pack of people exiting. My eyes instantly landed on Spencer, he was the tallest in the group.
Spencer was currently looking at his phone, typing something on the screen. He finally brought his head up once he put his cell away and I felt mine vibrate with a notification. Once his eyes landed on me, he pushed past the people he was with and darted towards me.
I opened my arms as he drew me into a tight hug. It is a shame that I have not embraced Spencer more because he gives the best hugs. Everything about him automatically puts me in a tranquil state of mind.
“What are you doing here?” he asked once he put some space between us.
“I wanted to see you. Is that okay?”
“It’s more than okay. I missed you.” That beautiful smile graced his face one more. How is it possible that this man is in my life?
The sound of someone clearing their throat pulled Spencer and I away from our bubble. My face heated up as I saw his friends surrounding us.
“Who’s this pretty lady Reid?” asked the muscular man. I looked at all his colleagues, recognizing the blonde as the woman who was at his apartment a couple of months ago. That was when I mistakenly thought she was his girlfriend. She smiled at me, no doubt knowing who I was.
“This is (Y/N), she’s my gi—uh she’s my ummm …” he trailed off, glancing at me. I didn’t notice that we have yet to establish our relationship with one another.
“I’m his neighbor,” I finished. Spencer introduced me to his team before telling me to wait while he gathered his belongings. During his absence, Penelope convinced me to join her for a girl’s night out in the future with the other ladies. I couldn’t say no to the offer, her enthusiasm was seeping through her pores.
When Spencer returned, he grabbed my hand and said his goodbyes while leading us to the elevator. I saw Penelope whisper excitedly to the muscular man that I learned was named Derek, before the doors even got a chance to close.
“My car is here. I can drive us back home,” I informed Spencer.
He nodded his head as we exited the building and made our way to the car. I know that Spencer does not particularly like to discuss his cases, so instead I asked him questions of the places he has been at recently and whether he had the chance to explore. He animatedly told me of a book he purchased that was in a foreign language as well as a vinyl record he got at a music store.
“Can we go to the park?” he suddenly asked. I was a bit confused but decided not to question him.
“Yea, sure.”
The park was not far from where we currently were. After finding a spot and getting out, he took my hand in his once again, leading us down a serene trail. The sound of crickets chirping while the soft wind breezed through us was very relaxing. I looked up at the sky, taking in the tiny visible stars and full moon.
Spencer stopped walking in the middle of the trail, tugging my hand so that I was closer to him. He stared at me as his tongue brushed across his lips.   
“(Y/N)?” His voice had that shy tone once again.
“Yes, Spencer?” He brought his hand up to tuck some loose strands of hair behind my ear.
“May I kiss you?”
My heart started racing at his question. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. My voice was stuck in my throat so I nodded my head instead.
Spencer’s hand gently held my cheek as he leaned down towards me. I closed my eyes once his soft lips landed on mine, wrapping my free hand around his neck. He tasted sweet, as I knew he would. I pressed more firmly against him, enjoying the sound of his moan when I swept my tongue across his lower lip. He allowed me to explore his mouth as he did the same to me.
I pulled away after a while to catch my breath. Spencer placed his forehead against mine, breathing heavier than I have ever seen.
“(Y/N)?” he panted out, his voice a lot more confident than it was beforehand.
“Yes, Spencer?”
“Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
I looked into his gentle hazel eyes, embracing all the emotions he was showing me through them. That gorgeous smile adorned his face once more. He looked so beautiful right here.
“I would love to be your girlfriend, Spence.”
I captured his lips this time around, relishing the warmth of his mouth on mine.
At that moment I couldn’t help but think that I was definitely in love with Spencer Reid.
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tossawary · 3 years
Text
Chapter 27: “The First Day” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” quotes and commentary. Not a full list of favorite quotes or full commentary.
-
Right now, deep into the safety of darkness, Shang Qinghua thinks about how he never actually expected to be lying in his bed with Mobei-Jun. No, there’s a reason his sofa is comfortable enough to sleep on! That was by design too! Sure, Shang Qinghua had lots and lots of bed-related fantasies, but he had no expectations of those fantasies ever coming true. He didn’t dare to have expectations.
It’s kind of weird, lying in bed with Mobei-Jun. It’s definitely weird lying in his bed partially on top of Mobei-Jun. With the way things were headed, Shang Qinghua was admittedly fostering some hopes about those bed-related fantasies, but he still didn’t think to mentally prepare himself for the practical details. He really wasn’t mentally prepared for the softness of Mobei-Jun’s hair, for the thickness and the weight of the man’s arms, or for the coolness of his skin against the warmth of the blankets.
Fuck, now there is no way that Shang Qinghua is going to be able to see Mobei-Jun with a plunging neckline without thinking about touching the man’s bare chest. It’s a nice chest! It feels great underneath Shang Qinghua’s hands now.
He can feel a steady heartbeat beneath his fingers.
He can feel the gentle rise and fall of it with the man’s slow breaths, as the man’s eyes have fallen comfortably closed.
Shang Qinghua has never seen Mobei-Jun this relaxed.
-
AN: Moshang in bed together is very good. I loved writing Moshang cuddles. I think it’s really nice when they’re allowed to be soft and relaxed, and everything is understood between them. Mobei-Jun at this point has learned to treat Shang Qinghua like a particularly anxious cat sometimes - if he just stays still and relaxed, eventually Shang Qinghua will calm down and chill with him. 
Shout out to Mobei-Jun and all those years he spent trying to get some hint as to how human social everything worked, only to get nearly no help from Shang Qinghua. In this fic, part of the idea is that Shang Qinghua has been a slightly better communicator. Mobei-Jun can be a good listener when he doesn’t feel hideously embarrassed over his fuck-ups. 
-
“I had made plans to speak with you at some point about… this,” Mobei-Jun agrees. “But that was not why I had come to see you that day.”
“Ah, what… what was it, then?”
Mobei-Jun sighs. “I had come from a gathering of demon lords, hosted by my father at their request. They have loosely agreed to each contribute to an attack on the next conference of human cultivators,” he explains, apparently annoyed at just having to recollect this event. “My uncle encourages my father to force my involvement. He must have trouble planned… or see an opportunity for it.”
Shang Qinghua processes this, then sits bolt upright in bed. “What?!”
Mobei-Jun frowns up at him.
“There’s a demonic alliance to attack the next Immortal Alliance Conference?!” Shang Qinghua demands, leaning over the demon lord beside him.
“Yes.”
���And you waited to tell me this?!”
“There are years left before this event,” Mobei-Jun points out.
Shang Qinghua stares at him.
Sure! But he feels like he should start planning now! He already knew that there was going to be a demon attack of some kind - the seal on Luo Binghe’s powers has to be broken - but demon lords getting involved is bad news! Multiple demon lords who are important enough to be socializing with Mobei-Jun’s father is worse news! Demon lords potentially including Mobei-Jun’s shitty father and shitty uncle is the worst news of all!
“You should warn your people,” Mobei-Jun says, dryly.
AN: Mobei-Jun doesn’t care about the sects, but he cares that Shang Qinghua cares. Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua really are villainous in SVSSS. Shang Qinghua just so happens to sometimes be on the protagonist’s (Shen Yuan’s) side and Shen Yuan has romanced a budding tyrant who has MBJ as a loyal minion. But, oof, I didn’t want to go that route with this fic. 
I mean, I considered it! I considered having Shang Qinghua be forced to bring a demon invasion down on the sect he’s come to care about and his own nephew, but that felt a little too angsty for me. It totally could have been good, I was just like, “I can’t handle that.” Plus, with the world update, it felt fitting to jazz things up a little bit - to up the ante by inviting more demon lords and also have a little role reversal by letting Mobei-Jun be the spy. This way, I think, it really feels like Mobei-Jun is on Shang Qinghua’s side. 
Shang Qinghua isn’t on the demons’ side. Mobei-Jun isn’t really on the humans’ side. But they are on each other’s side. They’re a team! 
Again, what’s more romantic than your demon boyfriend actually doing the work of growth on his own? Moshang can be a little rough and with a lot of sharp edges (on both sides, they’re both kind of mean people) sometimes, so it’s sometimes nice to remember that they can support each other too. 
Also, I’ve always been kind of curious about what Mobei-Jun’s family thinks of his relationship with a human. Mobei-Jun’s father is still alive throughout SVSSS, so it’s fun to think about ice demon politics, power and influence and loyalty in that court, and whether that factored at all into Mobei-Jun’s extremely slow-moving courting timeline of a human. 
-
The person at the door knocks a third time, and Shang Qinghua feels the person beside him stir. He can feel a not insignificant amount of weight shifting, a low and unhappy grumble, and cool skin brushing against his own as that person makes to get up. Possibly to handle the person at the door? Shang Qinghua here abruptly remembers many important details about his current situation that make the sect potentially being on fire seem like a not-so-bad emergency.
 “Demon invasion,” Shang Qinghua finds himself thinking. “Mobei-Jun. Fuck.”
“No, no, no! Don’t get up! I’ll get it!” Shang Qinghua cries, throwing off tangled blankets and flying out of bed. “I’ll handle it, my king! Sorry! Ahhh, sorry! I’ll take care of it, you can just stay where you are-”
Shang Qinghua, now on his feet, pushes firmly down against Mobei-Jun’s chest. He’s not expecting the man - a very, very strong and very, very stubborn demon lord - to go back down under his hand without any resistance at all. This easy obedience, this willingly being pushed down, leads to a surprised Shang Qinghua overbalancing and catching himself hard on Mobei-Jun’s chest and shoulders.
As though Shang Qinghua is actually pinning the man down.
Mobei-Jun stares up at him, eyes low-lidded, and raises his eyebrows.
Ah.
Wow.
Shang Qinghua is going to… well, he’s going to think about this for the rest of his life, probably.
-
AN: Mobei-Jun is so self-conscious in SVSSS that it’s kind of hilarious. So it’s fun to let him be a little more confident (rather than arrogant and lashing out defensively). Mobei-Jun probably thought to himself here, “You know what’ll be funny here? If I just go down now.” I feel it in my heart that Mobei-Jun is a teaser, especially when he’s relaxed and happy. 
Shang Qinghua takes the time to fix up his appearance a little more - to get rid of the “I slept with a demon” smell - because if the asshole at his door has kept it up this long, they can wait a little longer. It turns out that he didn’t really need to bother, because it’s his fellow transmigrator and most dogged critic, Peerless Cucumber.
“Bro,” Shang Qinghua says seriously. “Do you have a deathwish?”
Peerless Cucumber - Shen Yuan, Shang Qinghua has to remember to call the kid by his real name - lowers his hand with a scowl. “...One of your disciples told me to knock on your door and keep knocking until you answered,” the other transmigrator says defensively. “After I said you said to meet you in the morning.”
“...Which one?”
“Wen Shufen, I think?”
“Ah, just for that prank, Sticky Fingers is going to be hauling fertilizer for Long Sheng Peak for a month,” Shang Qinghua says tiredly. “Bro, do not believe half the things your martial siblings here tell you. They’re pretty much all liars, cheats, and thieves.”
“Then why keep them around?”
“Ah, well, sometimes you need someone to lie, cheat, or steal.”
“...It’s nearly not morning anymore, you know.”
“Eh, I guess you get a pass this time, since I did tell you we’d have a nice long talk about things tomorrow morning. Come on in.”
AN: I don’t know if this vibe is coming across, but Shen Yuan feels a little ignored and neglected. They just got back from a mission and Shen Yuan has already been shooed off like twice. Shang Qinghua is so busy. Shang Qinghua is so experienced and so established here. Shen Yuan has latched onto SQH as his lifeline, though he’s trying very, very hard to be independent, and yet Shang Qinghua kind of has SY on the back burner most of the time. 
Not only is Shang Qinghua the author of this world, but he’s also an important figure in this world. Shang Qinghua really lives here and if the plot wasn’t looming over them, SQH would be very happy here. This place feels 100% like Shang Qinghua’s | Airplane’s world and brand new transmigrator Shen Yuan feels like an unwanted intruder. SY is still lonely and scared. 
“...Are you going to try to activate it now?” Shen Yuan asks.
“Hmmm… no, not right now,” Shang Qinghua decides, standing up off the dusty stool he was sitting on. “Cucumber, bro, I’m just not awake enough for tackling anything serious right now. Let me get a few texts and tools together first to test this thing properly, alright? Some safety equipment! Aprons and face shields! Thick, fireproof gloves! I’m still trying to figure out how to safely ask Duan Tianyu what he knows about this map the System apparently made him send me, when he might not even know what the fuck I’m talking about! Maybe he can give us some hints.”
“Who?”
“One of my Huan Hua not-disciples,” Shang Qinghua answers. “I picked up some extras a few deadly missions back. They’re good kids. All grown up now! Less naïve than they used to be! Duan Tianyu is teaching back at Huan Hua Palace now, so maybe I’ll have to be the one to wander over there on some pretense.”
Shen Yuan agrees that getting as much information as possible is probably the better course of action. Shang Qinghua ushers the kid out of his secret basement and his fellow transmigrator goes easily enough. Shang Qinghua complains about his shitty, no-good System on the way up for forcing them to do all the work by themselves.
“It must think everything is more ‘authentic’ if I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” Shang Qinghua suggests, removing his spiritual seal and causing the door to the secret basement to vanish. “Ah, I’ll admit that’s kind of cool to watch.”
-
AN: Throughout this conversation, SY is kind of reaching out, giving himself or Airplane excuses to let him stay. It’s not that he doesn’t want to cultivate, but SQH represents a sort of safety and familiarity SY doesn’t have right now. 
In SVSSS, Airplane was always pretty direct with Shen Yuan, from what I remember, but he wasn’t necessarily open. He was direct about some potentially vulnerable or personal topics, like Luo Binghe’s insanity or his own general fear of his character’s planned death, but that’s not the same as actually being vulnerable. They snap at each other, they’re pretty direct about their personal goals, but they don’t actually get vulnerable with each other by confessing their personal fears and new relationship developments. 
So I’ve tried to adopt that here, while making Shang Qinghua a little kinder and slightly more vulnerable, thanks to the efforts of Luo Jiahui. But Shang Qinghua still isn’t necessarily open here and neither is Shen Yuan. He’s just like, “Hey, it’s shit and I don’t like it either, but what can you do?” He’s not actually seriously talking about his breakdown or just how scared he is of his own plot. 
For some people, there’s a certain kind of openness in confessing things to a stranger, so it’s kind of like that too. Shang Qinghua and Shen Yuan have fallen into kind of familiar dynamics, because there’s nothing else to really do, and they are kind of acquaintances, but they’re still not friends yet. 
I think I want to have SY and SQH actually address this soon. SY feels that SQH has been kind of dropping the ball when it comes to honestly helping his fellow transmigrator, though SY, being SY, can’t quite put his finger on the lack of emotional intimacy and affection that he’s starved for right now. 
The day-in-day-out of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect can’t get him down today! He feels kind of like he’s walking on air! Sure, the work never stops and there are some fucking terrifying things ahead, but he just had a very successful mission overall! He just had a really, really successful conversation with Mobei-Jun! He and Mobei-Jun are romantically entwined and Mobei-Jun was very explicit about the fact that he expects them to be romantically entwined… pretty much indefinitely!
“There is no one else,” Mobei-Jun had said. “There will be no one else.”
Shang Qinghua fostered a lot of hopes over the years! More hopes than he felt that he should have reasonably fostered! And to have those hopes unexpectedly fulfilled like this is… really something! It’s really, really something! Mobei-Jun really isn’t the type of character to say that - to say any of the things he said, and wow, he said a lot of things back there - without meaning it completely.
Shang Qinghua doesn’t really know what to do with that.
Forever is a long time.
He understands, of course, that some things really do last an impossibly long time. He used to be pretty certain that all love matches faded eventually - that people were genuinely wildly in love… that people were sincerely in love with each other, sure… up until they inevitably weren’t anymore - but now he can’t really imagine Liu Qingge or Luo Jiahui ever getting tired of each other. Liu Qingge keeps bringing Luo Jiahui new recipes to try and rare ingredients to interest her, so she can make dishes for the two of them or her family as a whole, and Shang Qinghua can easily imagine the two of them doing that pretty much indefinitely.
Shang Qinghua can’t think about this for long, before he has to focus on greeting his disciples (it’s just Peng Hongpeng and Chen Xuan in here at the moment) and getting to work. “Good things last while they last!” he decides for now, because thinking about things not lasting kind of makes him feel like he’s dying.
-
AN: Shang Qinghua can’t quite bring himself to believe in a relationship lasting forever right now. Part of it is his commitment issues, but another part of it is his persisting inability to see past the looming plot. He’s still worried about Luo Binghe and the Eternal Abyss, so he’s having difficulty seeing past that hurdle, even though things like Luo Jiahui’s marriage and his new relationship with Mobei-Jun are forcing him to confront the fact that there’s still a life outside of and beyond the plot. 
For Shang Qinghua, it’s kind of a “I’ll think about that later if we all survive” thing when it comes to him and Mobei-Jun. 
“He made a mistake with good intentions and got a small injury for it,” Shang Qinghua says, as reassuringly as he can. “He’s fine! He’s in trouble with his shizun for it, though, but I’ll see what I can do about bringing you up to meet him or bringing him down here as soon as possible. I’ll do my best to make it happen!”
Luo Jiahui leans into Shang Qinghua’s side and admits, “I miss him.”
“He misses you.”
“I miss you too,” Luo Jiahui adds.
“...Ah, sorry.”
“It’s okay,” his sister-in-law says warmly. “I’d miss you even if you visited every day.”
Shang Qinghua is holding her hands, but it feels like she’s got an extra one wrapped around his heart. “Where’s that husband of yours? Doesn’t he come down the mountain every day? Should I be telling him off? Sorry I ran off with him for a little bit!”
“What does Qingge have to do with you and me?” Luo Jiahui demands. “It doesn’t matter how often I see everyone else, I still miss you and Binghe the most.”
“Hm, that’s a point! That’s a point.”
What else can Shang Qinghua do but admit that he misses her the most too?
-
AN: It was fun to follow up Shang Qinghua’s romantic developments with a return to his most important and longest relationship: the one he has with his “fake” sister. Luo Jiahui is and always will be important to Shang Qinghua and who he’s become. They have such a lovely relaxed feeling that’s nice to revisit. I’ve missed Luo Jiahui these past few chapters, as things get twisted up more and more in sect business. 
It would feel dishonest to the rest of the fic if Shang Qinghua’s other relationships disappeared in favor of his new romantic relationship. They all have their own importance. Mobei-Jun and Liu Qingge don’t make Shang Qinghua and Luo Jiahui any less important to each other. 
I am looking forward to making Mobei-Jun and Luo Jiahui meet again, and tackling some of Mobei-Jun’s thoughts on Shang Qinghua’s relationship with his family. Mobei-Jun has a really shitty family, so it’s interesting thinking about what family means to him and how loyalty/love plays into it. 
While he's busy plotting around the plot, there’s a hum of power behind him, the cool whoosh and crackle of a portal opening, the faint hair-rising warning of demonic energy. Shang Qinghua finishes tapping at his own face in thought, looks up at the looming shadow standing behind him, and smiles. He kind of feels like he should run away, but it's too late for that now. He held on long enough that he made it too late for himself.
“Hello,” he says.
AN: I took this almost exactly from the first chapter of Part 3 of this fic. I can’t remember the chapter number, but it was the one titled “The Inevitable Plot”. 
Parts 3 and 4 of this fic blend together a little. Part 3 of this fic kind of ends here, but I have a couple more chapters that I want to tackle before I feel that I can say we’re for sure in Part 4? I have some things I want to accomplish before we go into a slight time skip towards the Immortal Alliance Conference. 
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astaroth1357 · 4 years
Text
Melancholy (A Leviathan x GN MC Fanfic)
I guess you could say I use a lot of personal experience when I write. If I get sad, I’ll write something sad. Lock me in my room and I’ll probably write something about my lamp. I hope you can at least get something out of my occasional literary catharsis. Also, communication is important. Always ask for help if you need to, there’s never any shame in doing so.
Warning: Themes of Depression, Angst
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Melancholy: A feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.
Levi could barely manage his own mood sometimes, so never once did he think that he’d end up having to help someone else with their own. Under normal circumstances, he’d never considered getting involved. All his brothers knew that he was probably the least equipped to deal with their problems, physical or emotional. If they were concerned about completing a boss level or what anime to watch next, he had them covered, but sadness…? That was an Asmo problem or maybe a Beel. Don’t come to him.
But for the MC it was different… They seemed to gravitate to him since the day they first met, even though he tried to push them away. They liked him. They laughed at his dorky jokes and listened to his endless rambling. They would stay up late with him to play the latest game he just got or sit through his six-millionth re-watch of TSL with a smile on their face. He couldn’t quite place when it started to happen, but he felt himself getting slowly more attached to this peculiar human… He gradually started opening his world to them, and they didn’t seem to mind being a part of it. They were at ease with him and all his little eccentricities... It was a feeling of acceptance that he had always craved but was too afraid to seek. He wanted to be with them, hell, he probably even loved them.
So it hurt him in a special way to see them so sad… He couldn’t place why but some days, he’d just notice things were off about them. They wouldn’t laugh as much at his jokes or smile quite as wide when he launched into another one of his rants. He could see them trying. The corners of their mouth would raise briefly, but then drop like they were weighted by cement. Their eyes wouldn’t sparkle like they used to, they’d just stay flat, static… muted. Like something about them had decided to withdraw from the world, hiding away in a place he just couldn’t quite get to… He’d ask them what was wrong, but they never had a good answer for him. Most of the time, they wouldn’t even admit there was a problem. They’d put on that fragile smile and say everything was alright… Did they think he was blind? Sure, Levi knew he wasn’t the most well-versed in people’s emotions, but even he could point to sadness when he saw it. Especially in someone that he cared about so much… 
In truth, he had been paying close attention to them for months now. With the same level of detail as he would his favorite character in a show or a voice actor who’s work he admired. He knew things about them that they may not have known about themselves… Their favorite foods and colors, how they stood and how they walked, the little habits they hung onto from the human world, and all the faces they’d make when no one else is watching... He knew it all as well as he knew any game he’s ever played, and why wouldn’t he? He was their biggest fan.
He tried using all that knowledge to cheer them up. As far as he was concerned, getting them to feel better was his new mission objective. Even his brothers took notice of his dedication to it. More deliveries started showing up at the House filled with very… not-Levi things for once. At one point, he had a rather irritated Lucifer knocking on his door to ask why there were twenty pounds worth flowers all piled in the entryway. He explained it away as him hitting the wrong option on accident, but in all honesty, it was because he ordered them flowers but just couldn’t decide which color or style would have been the best for a bouquet... So he bought them all.
They would always accept his gifts, and he could tell they liked them, but it never seemed to fix the problem... No matter what he bought them, there would still be those days where they looked just too forlorn to smile… It made his heart ache, and he wished that he could be good with people like Asmo or just put people at ease like Beel… Even Mammon was better at getting people to smile than he was… He wanted to help so badly, but every time he built up the courage to ask them about it, they’d never tell him what the problem was… 
Slowly, he began to worry if it was him, like maybe he had done something wrong one day… That had to be it right…? He was a shut-in, he’s never really had to deal with people before… The fear, guilt, and frustration gradually ate at his mind for weeks while he scoured his memories for every little mistake he could have made... Did he miss an important date? Had he forgotten to call them back for something? Did he ignore them by accident one day? With every anxious thought, there was a pressure building inside him… He was growing convinced that MC was upset because of something he had done, but he didn’t want them to leave… not after he’d finally felt so understood. It was only a matter of time before his racing thoughts slipped over…
When they knocked on his door that day, he knew they weren’t in the best mood before they even walked in. Their hand hit his door softer than usual, tentative with a longer pause between strikes. He had half a mind to tell them that he was too busy to hang out that day, having to look at their woeful expression just hurt him that much... But he knew he couldn’t refuse them even if he wanted to. His lovesick heart could never turn them away…
His suspicions were proved true when they stepped in to say hello. They had that same weak smile… the dullness of their eyes almost refusing to reflect the cool, blue glow of his aquarium wall. What did they want from him…? Were they trying to rub something in? He was to busy digging through his mind for their motives to notice that they had crossed the room to stand next to his computer chair. At least not until they gently tapped his shoulder. The concerned look in their eye was enough to stop his heart, he would have leapt from his chair had they not been blocking the way.
“Levi…? Are you okay? I said hello…” There they were, clearly drowning in their own sorrow, yet they were still concerned for him of all people? The guy who couldn’t even make them smile...? His brain short-circuited for a moment, and his next words flew out without his say-so.
“I’m s-sorry!!” He watched them pause before their brow furrowed in confusion, probably because he had just shouted in their face... He suddenly wished he could shrink down and hide in Henry’s fishbowl… This is why he doesn’t deal with people...
“Sorry…? About what…?” His eyes flicked frantically around the room while he tried to form some kind of exit strategy, but there wasn’t much he could do. There really was no turning back now, was there…?   He was finally going to have to say something… Demons don’t pray, but he could feel himself begging for someone, anyone, to make this go well…
“A-about well… You’ve been sad a lot lately and I uh… I know I didn’t remember to get you that limited edition Hinata figurine from the last convention we went to… Or that you had a test to study for a few weeks ago when I tried to get you to play Devil’s Haven with me… I also didn’t notice your last haircut until an hour after I saw you and I accidentally ate your pudding cup from Madame Scream’s and blamed it on Beel-”
“Levi…”
“-I know I should have gotten the red camellias instead of the pink on that last batch of flowers. I saw the balance was off-”
“Levi.”
“-but I thought it’d be okay. Oh, and I’m sorry I hit you with that body pillow last week! I was aiming for Mammon, I sw-”
“Leviathan!” They had to put their finger over his mouth to keep him from rambling on. His face flushed almost immediately, in part due to embarrassment but also because of their proximity. The MC’s face had softened considerably, but he could still see the lingering sadness over their features… Had he not said enough…?
“You… You actually think that it’s your fault that I’m like this…?” They took their finger back and looked at him expectantly. Levi swallowed a growing lump in his throat and nodded hesitantly. He didn’t trust himself not to launch into another self-conscious tirade if he tried opening his mouth again… It felt like a stab to the chest when he saw their expression dip farther into despair.
“It’s not your fault, Levi… I just…” They drew in a deep breath and let it out as a sullen sigh, avoiding his eyes. “I just get sad sometimes… It’s a passing mood swing. I can’t really control it, and it doesn’t always have a reason… You’ve actually been helping me, though.” Levi’s amber-toned eyes widened like saucers, he could barely believe his ears. Was this a dream, or had they just told him that he actually helped them with something…? 
“I have…??” The dumbstruck look on his face must have been pretty amusing because they actually graced him with their smile, full and authentic with no hidden melancholy.
“Yes, you dork! You have.” The light from his aquarium finally touched their eyes, dancing in amongst the natural sparkle that always accompanied their gaze. “That’s why I always keep coming here… Your jokes, your gifts… just how excited you get when you see something you love… it... It all helps. It really does…” A pang of guilt seemed to hit them as they turned away from him again, shrinking back from his presence.
“I’m so sorry I never said anything to you… I must have been showing up at your door sadder and sadder each time… No wonder you thought you were behind it…” They averted his stunned gaze by watching the jellyfish float behind his wall. “You must have felt awful… I hope you can forgive me…” The genuine remorse in their voice sent his mind into an anxious panic. He wanted, no, needed to do something now. He just couldn’t bear one more minute of their sadness…
“N-no it’s fine!” They turned back toward him in shock when his hands grasped at the hem of their shirt, his sitting form straining to try and coax their standing one closer. He just didn’t want them to pull away again… “I’m not mad or anything, I just… wish you would talk to me, you know? I want to help…”
They were silent for a few moments, eyeing him with mixed emotions and darkened cheeks, but soon let him pull them in. He rested his head on their stomach while his arms glued to their waist. It may not have been the most conventional position, but it was one where they were close, so frankly, Levi could care less. He felt them settle into it slowly, resting an arm around his shoulders while their fingers combed softly through his hair. The feeling almost made him shiver, but he didn’t want to ruin the mood.
After several long minutes locked in tranquility, he found that he just had to ask…
“MC… Is this helping…?” His heart skipped a beat when he finally heard their laugh once more, soft and charming as it always was…
“Yes, Levi… You always do…”
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madroxed · 3 years
Text
IN POISONED PLACES [SHADOWHUNTERS. SIMON/RAPHAEL. “FORBIDDEN FRUIT”. @AO3.]
“I want that cup,” Camille says, and so Raphael’s following the Shadowhunters, obeying orders even as his blood sings with anger and frustration and the seeds of anarchy. The Mortal Instruments are dangerous, he knows that, understands what it means in the greater scheme of things, sees war and bloodshed ahead. He also knows Camille is the last person they need leading them into that mess.
Heaven forbid she actually gets the cup.
The girl’s apartment is clean. Not as clean as it should be; there’s magic threaded in the corners and the faintest scent of Downworld clinging to the walls, but the cup’s not there, and for all he can tell the girl and her mother lead a boringly mundane life.
He’s ready to give up, head home before sunrise rather than rifling through strangers cutlery drawers, when it hits him, faint at first and then strong enough to make him dizzy.
He hasn’t felt like this in decades, not since he was first Turned and Magnus took him in and talked him through the concept of bloodlust and self-control. The way his blood’s burning in his veins, vision a little hazy, makes him feel young and naive and so out of control that he wants to find the offending item and tear it apart with his hands.
(Wants to drink it in, bathe in it until it’s the only thing in the world to fill his senses.)
The sweatshirt’s flung behind the couch, a ratty thing with a hand painted design on the front and holes in the cuffs where someone’s pushed their thumbs through. Raphael barely resists holding it to his nose.
Get it together, he tells himself and leaves.
+
“We need leverage,” Camille says, and once again Raphael’s sent out to do her dirty work whilst she drinks from crystal goblets and ignores the vampires under her care.
The Shadowhunters are untouchable, of course, and the girl’s mother’s missing. Taking the girl herself seems risky given the Institute’s interest in her, and Raphael’s not stupid enough to have missed the scent of wolves at the apartment but he’s also not willing to get his people into an unnecessary fight.
“Anything?” he asks, and Lily nods, all business. He likes that about her. Thinks she’d make an excellent second given the chance.
“There’s a friend. A Mundane.”
“Where?” Raphael says, and goes to do some recon of his own.
+
He knows it’s the right place three blocks away. The scent’s so strong here it almost sends Raphael to his knees, his fangs pushing through against his will and his mouth watering in a way he’d be embarrassed about if he could form coherent thought.
It takes him too long to get himself together, and he stands and breathes it in, lets it wash over him until he’s able to push the flood of desire to the back of his mind. He’s better than this, has more control than any vampire he knows, hard fought under Magnus’ watch a lifetime ago, a fact he’s always been proud of and always relied on.
He’s not going to let some random Mundane take that from him.
Raphael watches everyone that passes, trying to place them, a terrible, useless part of him eager and wanting.
“Okay, Mom,” a boy says, leaving a house down the block. “See ya!”
He has dark hair and glasses, dressed like anyone else his age and draped in the same awkwardness, excess energy practically vibrating through his skin.
Raphael had always intended to follow him; that he does so without any conscious thought just makes him mad.
He’s heard other vampires talk about this before, the humans they’ve been unable to resist until they’ve drained them or Turned them. Raphael doesn’t want to kill the boy — young man, really, but everything’s comparative — hasn’t killed anyone outside of battle since he become who he is today, and certainly not before. Every primal part of him wants to taste his blood, though. Feel it drench his tongue and set his veins alight.
Raphael shakes it off, drags his control back into place.
He definitely doesn’t want to Turn him. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
It’s overwhelming, though, this need he has to pull the young man to his side and keep him there come hell or high water. Raphael’s never needed anyone or anything. He hates that some mark up of chemistry or magic or that same Fate that’s clamped him under foot since he was born might change all that.
That doesn’t mean Raphael doesn’t want it.
The young man’s phone rings.
“Simon!” someone says on the other end.
Simon.
Simon.
Okay.
+
“Bring him to me,” Camille says, and Raphael hates himself for following the rules so carefully and can’t stop the buzz of excitement under his skin.
He makes a show of it because of course he does.
The clan has a reputation to uphold.
The girl’s mad, the Shadowhunters more concerned with their bruised pride, and Simon—
Simon doesn’t stop talking.
He throws a knife at him and ruins his new jacket.
It’s possible he’s the most annoying person Raphael’s ever met.
(Raphael wants to bury himself in the curve of his neck and not let go.)
Camille tries to use Simon as a pawn, the way Raphael knew she would, and the Shadowhunters show up in force, battle ready, with Camille leaving her most loyal to die in her stead.
“Take the others,” he tells Lily, keeping his voice low. “Steer clear.”
It’s not Raphael’s best plan but it’s the only one he has. The fact that it so largely relies on the Shadowhunters not being as trigger happy as they usually are isn’t the best odds, but if everything plays out the way it should then he couldn’t have written it better himself.
He traps Simon between his chest and a knife, sees the girl’s whole body go tight, and tries not to accidentally draw blood.
He’s not sure he’d be able to control himself if he did.
They follow him out easily enough.
“You mean nothing,” he says when Simon thanks him, throwing him to the light. It’s not a lie. Simon is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. The Downworld is on the brink of war and one bright-eyed boy who talks too much and vibrates with anxious laughter is a nobody.
Raphael has a hotel full of vampires waiting on his word, has Camille to put a stop to before she can incite even more damage, and Accords to reset lest punishment be handed out. Even without Valentine’s shadow on the horizon it’s enough to give him a stress headache.
There’s not time for Simon, the Mundane who’s so clearly and terribly made for him that Raphael wants to laugh and scream and go back to his grave.
No, the Mundane is off-limits.
Raphael’s responsibilities are too numerous and too important, and there are too many souls relying on him to make it through the coming days.
(Sometimes he wishes he knew how to be selfish.)
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arcanadotcom · 4 years
Text
𝕄𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝟞 𝕒𝕤 𝔻𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕤
⊱ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⊰
(Hi everyone! I came up with these when me and my sister went out for a quick little drive after feeling sick of staying home 😘✌🏻 my driving skills got rusty. smh!)
(This is my first time writing so i’m sorry if they’re all over the place!)
⊱ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⊰
☆ Asra
owns an old used car from the 90’s that makes you feel nostalgic
it kinda reeks of weed sometimes...
has random shit laying around the back including a blanket because he totally takes naps in the car between his classes
he’s a pretty slow driver (goes 23mph slower than the rest of traffic)
but as soon as he sees a yellow light he FLOORS IT
this lil shit never uses his blinkers...smh!
giggles when people cuss him out. he don’t give a fuck!
will always give you the aux cord because he vibes with whatever. any tunes you like, he likes too 🥰
often misses freeway exits because he’s too busy chatting with you (“wha..? oh haha...anyways!”)
he easily gets distracted with anything really, so you have to remind him to keep his eyes on the road all the time (it’s cute at first...but after a while it’s just annoying)
always offers to pick you up but never asks for gas money (pretends to forget but he just doesn’t care because it’s you and he care you <3)
overall he’s a cautious driver, he just has very erratic speed patterns and takes really shitty turns
★ Julian
has had the same old black car for about 8 years (hates that it’s a stick shift, but he got over it already)
he’s actually quite a responsible driver. doesn’t break transit rules
never got his license though, but it doesn’t really matter (u gotta do what u gotta do)
he never arrives on time, always late (super apologetic about it)
loses parking tickets and misplaces his keys all. the damn. time. so you usually end up carrying them instead
makes a HUGE fuss over your safety. please wear your seatbelt or else he will go bonkers
but at the same time will not hesitate to be your designated getaway driver (if you need to gtfo of somewhere, he will get you the fuck out of there)
he actually has to use glasses because his vision sucks and can’t read road signs. he looks so cute
his car doesn’t have an aux cord outlet, so he has a bunch of cassettes of different kinds of music ( 70’s rock, jazz, some obscure russian band, etc ) lying around. he can’t drive without music!
has a bit of road rage; if he’s with you he’ll mutter curses under his breath trying to keep composure
but when alone he will absolutely yell at people, but his way of doing it is somewhat.....endearing?
will occasionally bump into things, but has never caused any serious damage
has never been pulled over and only gets tickets due to expired parking meters in downtown (somehow manages to talk his way out of them all the time)
he’s had enough experience around the city so he talks to you about places no one really knows about
he will literally take you a random phone booth that is actually the entrance to a secret undergroung café that looks like a place where academics would hang out and conspire new literary movements
☆ Nadia
doesn’t drive, she has a chauffeur
but if she did, she would own one of those beautiful, modern, pearly off-white cars.
it’s perfectly clean, well kept and smells great
no food or drinks allowed inside. periodt
you’d probably be afraid of ruining the seat when you first get in. she assures you everything is okay
totally drives around wearing a pair of gloves, headscarf, and gorgeous sunglasses to protect herself from the sun. also because she’s so classy <3
she excels at everything in driving
flawless breaking and parking, but thinks that going around looking for a spot is a waste of time so she’d rather just pay extra for valet parking
her only flaw is that she gets super impatient with how long it takes for a red light to turn green
and she almost never stops for pedestrians
would usually call you to see if you’d like to go shopping with her or just accompany her for some errands (pls go with her she adores having you around 🥺)
doesn’t have a problem with giving you rides, but she’s always busy with a tight schedule, so rides from her are very rare
probably feels bad about it so she’ll send you an uber black instead
★ Muriel
hates going out because it means he has to drive ://
he just wants to get from point A to point B without any issues really
you’ll notice that his car always has a layer of dirt on it since he never really uses it (he doesn’t bother to give it a little wipe before hoping in)
would probably own a normal, practical car that gets the job done and doesn’t need much maintenance. nothing too fancy
.......but i really want to see him with a jeep so i’ll make him own a jeep ☺️
highkey anxious and hyperaware of his surrounding drivers
he looks too tense and grips the wheel hard....tell him to relax pls
if someone tries to pass him, he will absolutely give them a Look through the rear mirror
not one to listen to music (will sometimes turn on the radio but slams it off eventually because it’s annoying)
used to be terribly afraid of highways
mumbles and grumbles about how dangerous and stupid it is to carelessly swerve lanes just to go fast and look cool
☆ Portia
drives all the time so she’s definitely the most experienced on the road
owns a cute convertible beetle that she takes care of and loves very much ❤️ (has so many cute ass bumper stickers)
will not hesitate to change the tires on her own if needed
music is always loud and top is down most of the time
she’s got anything you might need in her glove box (hand cream? tissues? sanitizer? pocket knife? she has it yes ma’am)
when she’s by herself, laws simply do not exist
lowkey a threat to society. get her off
she goes so fucking fast like she zooms💨 down the road (mainly because she’s always on a hurry)
basically breaks whatever law she wants but once she spots a cop, citizen of the year
ohh but if you and/or anyone else is with her, it’s a whole different story
she drives carefully and slows down, would hate to put your safety at risk (same as julian)
road trips with her are THE BEST. going on drives with her always feel like a scene from a coming of age film 💕✨🧚‍♀️
★ Lucio
not necessarily an irresponsible driver, he’s just reckless and obnoxious
owns a restored, fancy vintage car that’s either red or white (his license plate is personalized, bedazzled and borderline opulent). genuinely proud of it
revs the engine just to piss people off
is always willing and able to be there for you if you need him
when he’s there to pick you up, he will absolutely make a scene for you to notice him. simply giving you a call is out of the equation!
the backseats are full of white hair...you know he brings his adored babies everywhere he goes
blasts music at an ASTRONOMICAL VOLUME and he just sits there like 🤪✌🏻🎶🕺🏼
but believe it or not, his music taste is actually really good....it slaps. so it’s okay
likes to drive fast (“oh you want to see some speed? i’ll show you some real speed”)
cannot stand traffic and slow drivers make him go batshit crazy
honks at everyone for everything but gets offended if they honk back >:(
you’ll still see him at the red light despite him doing 84 lane changes
tells you he LOVES the attention he gets because of the car, but then feels super self conscious if people stare too much or too long......although he will never admit it
this guy loves to gossip with you and likes to make fun of random pedestrians... you gotta admit he makes you snicker quite a bit. who am i kidding he’s funny as fuck of course you’re gonna laugh
doesn’t slow down for speed bumps, will blow quick kisses at the little fake cameras on top of the traffic lights, and has definitely scratched the lower sides of his car on curves more than once (*frantic wheel stirring* “not my fault not my fault!!”)
this man’s biggest struggle is parking. he cannot park for shit (secretly embarrassed about it)
it takes FOREVER for him to parallel park. might as well snooze while he’s at it
genuinely tries his best, going as far as to do the “arm behind the seat to look back” move (he wants to impress you dammit!!), but gets frustrated and gives up
so most of the time he ends up taking two spots despite trying so hard not to
gets tickets all the time (“now they’re ganging up against me! and for what?? what the fuck did i do!!”)
cannot comprehend street signs (“lucio you will get a $650 fine” “darling wdym?? it costs $650 to park here”)
going on a drive with him can be stressful and a bit crazy, but it’s always entertaining and you get the best stories to tell
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mlmdarkfiction · 4 years
Note
maybe this is too specific lol but could i have hc's for yandere yoosung & jumin being just a little too happy when their crush (who's a trans dude) asks them on tips for being more masculine or just for passing as a guy overall? like they're a little bit happy over the control that gives them & the opportunity to get closer to them? anyways hope you have a great day, love your blog
I JUST REALIZED THIS SAYS HCS AND I WROTE TWO WHOLE ASS FICS UHHH-
I hope this is okay...if you want headcanons let me know! I also didn’t make them very yandere aside from yoosung (but thats kinda canon) because my brain said full comfort. Apparently despite writing all the time I have NO reading comprehension. I cannot read. 
Anyway! I really loved this request actually! and I might try my hand at writing one for all of the RFA and attatch it to this one in separate chapters.  I may even attempt at writing a version with nonbinary specfic, and trans woman specfic reader if there’s interest because lets be real we need more trans reader content for EVERYONE
OBVIOUS CONTENT WARNING FOR DYSPHORIA MENTIONS Read on AO3:
Read Below:
Yoosung:
____: Hey Yoosung?
It’s only a text.
A simple text.
It’s not like you two haven’t texted privately without the gaze of the other RFA members, before.
But all those other instances...It was mostly him who initiated it.
You’re texting him!
You’re really texting him!
And he didn’t even text you first!
He couldn’t be more thrilled if he tried.
Unfortunately for his grades, Yoosung’s homework has been completely ignored, and in his rush to respond back he’s almost completely dropped his phone on his face.
Yoosung: YES Yoosung: Sorry! OMG I didn’t mean to use all caps!!!
He doesn’t have the excuse of caps lock, after all he’s using a phone, not a computer.
Thankfully for him, you find him and his eagerness cute.
It takes a while before he gets another text from you.
He spends the minutes waiting, and watching the three little bubbles on his phone that indicate you’re typing.
There’s no way for the blonde to know it yet, but it’s taking you so long to respond back because you’re
It wasn’t long into your time with the RFA that you told them you were trans. There was just something about the way they assumed you were a woman right away that had made you uncomfortable, so not only did you tell them you were a man, but you told them why exactly that had bothered you.
And to your surprise, everyone had taken it relatively well!
But it doesn’t mean you’re any less anxious. You doubt you’ll ever get over being anxious when it comes to these things.
Finally though you’re able to steel your resolve, and send the text.
____: Do you think there’s anything I could do to pass better?
It takes Yoosung an embarrassing time to realize what you mean. He’s still not the most informed about trans issues, despite trying to learn more so that he can (one day) be a better partner to you.
He wants to be someone you can rely on!
____: Passing.
More texts, because he took way too long to reply.
____: Or like…
____: I just want to look more masculine, you know? Like you
You think he looks masculine?
Yes!
Fuck yes!
But…
Here comes the problem.
Yoosung has never really thought about how he looks, not in the sense of masculinity.
In fact he only really thinks about how he looks when Zen or someone else brings it up.
He kind of just...wears the one hoodie, and aside from a couple of incidents when he was younger no one’s ever really mistaken him for a girl before.
So he just responds the best way he knows how, even if it’s kind of cheesy.
Yoosung: I don’t know how to help with that.
And...For good measure he sends his regular starry eyed emoji before continuing his text, unaware his pause caused you more anxiety.
Yoosung: You’re already more masculine than me!
It’s an honest answer.
If anyone else had said it you wouldn’t have believed them, you would have chalked it up to them just wanting to humor you, but coming from someone like Yoosung you were inclined to believe him.
Jumin:
You’re happy.
Happier now then you had been in a while.
Perhaps for the first time ever truly in your life.
It didn’t mean you still didn’t have troubles, or anxieties.
Like now.
Even as you’re holding onto Jumin’s arm you can’t help but feel a little...self conscious at his side.
It’s nothing he or his business partners have done, that’s just how it is sometimes, especially when dysphoria is involved.
There’s nothing to cause it.
Sometimes it’s just sudden.
Something about being in the room with a bunch of rich and powerful men, although as Jumin’s husband you too are technically a rich and powerful man, makes you feel bad about yourself.
You manage to find a moment in between the conversation to quietly interject,
“Excuse me, Gentlemen, I’m going to go to the restroom.”
There’s nothing off putting about the statement. The meeting had been going on for about an hour now, it was only natural someone at the meeting would need to excuse themselves.
No one thinks anything of it.
No one but Jumin.
And since you’re leaving you don’t notice you’re being watched. You don’t see the way Jumin’s dark eyes follow your form as you leave.
Having anxiety meant that running away to hide in bathrooms, or any other private space you could find, wasn’t exactly uncommon.
It’s nothing new.
You avoid the sight of the mirrors, your own reflection, like the plague as you make your way to a stall, quickly closing it and taking a deep breath.
A moment of peace, a moment to regain your thoughts. That’s all you needed.
Although you know it’s unlikely anyone in the meeting had bad thoughts about you, and even less likely they’d voice them around Jumin, it didn’t help the deep seeded paranoia. That somehow everyone knew you were trans, and that because of them knowing they viewed you as less than them.
And Jumin could only do so much to protect you. He hadn’t asked you to even come along on this trip, you’d been the one to offer, wanting to stop hiding in the shadows but…
People talk.
Tabloids talk.
The more you find yourself stuck alone in the stall trying to force yourself to calm down the more worked up you become.
When someone finally knocks on the stall you almost jump out of your skin entirely.
“Uh-” You clear your throat, and try to make your voice sound deeper in your anxiety. “Occupied?”
A familiar sigh sounds from behind the door, and instantly your shoulders droop with lessened anxiety.
“____?”
“...Yeah.”
As soon as you’ve opened the stall door you’re pulled tightly into a hug.
Jumin doesn’t necessarily understand exactly what you’re going through, you both know it. You’ve tried to explain dysphoria to him before, and although he understands the basics that’s all really...and to be fair it’s not as if a cis person ever could truly understand what gender dysphoria is like…
But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to do everything in his power to make you feel better.
And at least, no matter how you saw yourself, you knew Jumin saw you as his husband.
132 notes · View notes
writingsimp · 3 years
Text
twenty seconds or twenty years
Tumblr media
genre smut, established relationship, domestic fluff pairing yoongi + jungkook word count 4797 words warnings rimming, face-sitting, 69, barebacking, tooth rotting fluff (you’ve been warned) summary jungkook met his gaze, cheeks still sporting a pretty pink. he smiled at yoongi as he waited for an answer or an action, whatever happened first. and it was in that moment that yoongi realized that jungkook not only makes him impatient, childish, and gassy. but jungkook made him happy. he made him feel safe and excited. like no matter what, everything will be okay. read on ao3
yoongi tapped his foot up and down impatiently, habitually biting his thumbnail, anxiously waiting as he watched jungkook flip through his article. 
“it’s terrible, isn’t it?” yoongi said impatiently, frowning when jungkook lifts a hand - as to shush him. 
“i’m not finished,” jungkook said. “let me finish this and then i’ll tell you my honest thoughts.”
yoongi groaned, throwing his head over the railing of the bunk bed, tapping his foot against the wall. how could he not be finished? jungkook’s spent at least half an hour reading the article. was it terrible? yoongi worked four days on the writing, pouring his soul into the paper, researching until he ran out of places and dates. was it all worthless? did yoongi fail to put his point across? fuck, maybe he didn’t have what it takes - that was the scary part of going back to school. 
yoongi spent years avoiding university, avoiding the stress and anxiety of always doing your best. after high school, he took three years off, to travel and not have a single care in the world. it was fun. no, it was more than that. yoongi spent three years avoiding every little bit of responsibility but in the end, that reckless, careless lifestyle wasn’t for him. 
whenever he’d visit the most domesticated couple that he knew in seoul, yoongi would find himself yearning for what they had. domestication, security, and affection. they had roots and they planted them together. yoongi wanted that, craved that sense of belonging and companionship. 
so yoongi did the only logical thing he could think of. 
he dyed his hair blue and went back to university - not necessarily in that order. 
“just tell me already!” yoongi stomped his foot against the wall, quickly losing all the patience that he’d been known to have. he wasn’t sure why jungkook always riled him but he did. jungkook made him impatient, childish, and gassy. he made yoongi feel gassy. that overwhelming bloated feeling. 
he tried explaining it to jungkook once but it didn’t translate well. yoongi ended up just blurting “farts!” in the middle of the courtyard. it was so embarrassing that yoongi still doesn’t show his face from 10 am to 11:30 am. 
“you’re going to make a hole in the wall,” jungkook said, not looking up at yoongi. “i’m sure my landlord would be more than happy to approve your plans for a remodel.”
an overwhelming bloated feeling. almost as if you overate something delicious, something that you knew would push you over the edge, but ate it regardless. and now you’re stuck with that pressure and bloated feeling. overwhelming. 
“of course he’s quick to retort but takes centuries to read a simple five page article! aren’t you embarrassed? it’s okay, i forgive you. tell me what you thought!” yoongi groaned, leaning his head more over the railing, sighing when he looked around jungkook’s bedroom. he noticed the man’s room was cleaner than usual. it even smells nicer, it no longer had that nose burning stench of sweat mixed with jungkook’s favorite cologne. it smelled nice. 
jungkook sighed as he placed a hand strategically on yoongi’s knee, his thumb caressing over the pants. yoongi clenched his jaw, trying not to cave in. “i’m almost finished,” he said softly, definitely trying to calm yoongi down. 
yoongi wished jungkook’s touch calmed him down. he wished that the warmth on his thigh would ease him but it doesn’t. if anything, it makes yoongi even more anxious, more impatient, more bloated. 
he turned his head to look at jungkook, his eyes slowly moving down the man’s profile. his jaw was defined and sharp, nothing like the baby pictures his mother had shown yoongi. the baby pictures showed a young boy, round and cherubic, looking like a baby rabbit. the man in front of him was toned and manly, but he still had his baby face and bunny-like smile. 
jungkook’s mother had been so kind that day. welcoming yoongi into her house, offering him the world, and talking yoongi’s ear off about jungkook’s childhood. jungkook teased that his mother was replacing him with yoongi but yoongi knew that wasn’t true. his mother was trying to show her support for her son, proving to them both that she was okay with jungkook dating yoongi. yoongi saw it in her eyes, the conflicting emotions battling each other. but yoongi loved jungkook’s mother for trying. trying to understand, trying to know yoongi, and trying to accept. 
it’s hard to understand, know, and accept. especially when you’re raised differently. when everything you know changes, it’s hard to come to terms with reality. yoongi sometimes wonders if his own parents will ever get to the point where jungkook’s mother was. he hopes they do. he misses them a lot. 
“i’m finished,” jungkook said, his warm touch disappearing from yoongi’s knee. yoongi immediately sat up on the bed, looking at him expectedly. “it’s amazing, hyung. i really like it.”
yoongi nodded slowly, not convinced. “okay but what about the grammar? did you see any errors? shit, i should’ve given you a pen to circle them! here, let me go get one from your desk!”
jungkook laughed as he stopped yoongi from getting off. jungkook tugged yoongi’s body to him, yoongi groaning as he felt jungkook’s arms wrap around him. “alright, lover, what’s going on? you’re never this nervous when it comes to your articles,” he whispered, hugging yoongi from behind, keeping him between his legs. jungkook pressed light kisses to the back of yoongi’s neck. “you’re the most confident, sexiest, smartest journalist that the newspaper has. why are you so self-conscious?”
yoongi huffed defensively, trying not to get lost in jungkook’s touch. the warm kisses on the back of his skin, making the hairs on his body stand up. the tight warmth of jungkook’s arms and legs around him. jungkook was coddling him and yoongi hated - loved - it. “it’s human nature to feel insecure sometimes,” yoongi said, turning away from jungkook. “we can’t be confident all the time.”
jungkook chuckled as he hummed, his lips pressing against yoongi’s jaw. “i know that, you know that. but this is writing, hyung. this comes to you like second nature. what happened?”
yoongi sighed, craning his neck to look at jungkook over his shoulder. jungkook’s round eyes met his own. his dark brown eyes sparkling under the cheap bedroom lights. “your father promised to buy this issue,” yoongi whispered, as if it was a top secret, something no one outside of the room could know. just the two of them. 
“hyung,” jungkook smiled, no teasing behind it. just a sweet smile that made yoongi’s heart flutter. “you don’t have to second guess yourself over that. i’ve shown my father all of your articles. he thinks you’re a young, talented man.”
yoongi groaned as he looked away, feeling his cheeks warming from that new piece of information. jungkook showed his father. how could he do that? why would he do that? yoongi wanted to ask jungkook but he didn’t want to know the answer. what if it makes yoongi blush even harder? “jungkook,” yoongi said, feeling jungkook’s chest move behind him as he laughed at yoongi’s shyness. 
“what? i’m proud of you,” jungkook pulled yoongi closer to him, pressing a kiss to yoongi’s jawline. his lips moved down the side of his neck, his tongue sliding over before he nipped lightly with his teeth. “we’re all proud of you.”
yoongi tilted his head slightly, exposing his neck more to jungkook, who eagerly accepted the position. jungkook’s lips moved down a couple inches, sliding his tongue over his skin before nipping gently. “okay, now say that without your dick poking my back.”
jungkook laughed again, this time yoongi smiled along with the sound. he felt as jungkook pulled him even closer, kissing his shoulder before pressing his face against yoongi’s back. “my father is going to love the article, yoongi. you didn’t move away from your topic but did a genius job at bringing in different topics to tie in with your main topic. it was beautiful and it was well written.”
“and you’re not just saying that to get your dick wet?” yoongi asked, feeling as jungkook chuckled against his back. 
“of course not, lover. i’ve already told you all of this before we started dating and i’ll keep telling you this no matter what happens between us,” jungkook said without missing a beat. yoongi felt his heart fluttering. he didn’t even know that shit happened. “i believe in you, hyung. i always have and always will. forever and always.”
yoongi scoffed as his cheeks flushed even more, placing his hands over jungkook’s. he sighed, sliding his fingers up and down his arms, smiling to himself. “you cleaned your room,” yoongi said, deciding to change the subject. “it smells decent for once.”
“my room always smells decent,” jungkook replied. “i’ve just been so busy trying to balance working full time and going to school full time that i mishandled my time for a couple months.”
yoongi laughed at that, shaking his head. “just say you’re a slob, jungkook-ah. i promise to judge you.”
jungkook groaned, digging his face more into yoongi’s back, as if that would be the perfect place to hide. “i’m not! i actually have a sensitive nose. it didn’t bother me these last months because i’d just come home and pass out.”
“and you spent most of your free time at my apartment,” yoongi teased, chuckling as he drew circles over jungkook’s tattoos. he looked down at them, smiling to himself. “i’m pretty sure seokjin made you an estimate for all the utilities you used while you were there.”
jungkook hummed, the arms around yoongi starting to loosen. a sign that jungkook was starting to fall asleep. yoongi found him the cutest during this stage. he’ll answer whatever questions you asked him truthfully and cutely, changing his tone to a cutesy voice. 
“why do you care what my father thinks?” jungkook asked, his words slurring together. yoongi chuckled as his fingers continued to move up and down jungkook’s arms, digging his nails slightly into his skin. “i know he’s one of the best editors in seoul but you’ve written for more high ranking editors. why him?”
yoongi smiled to himself, knowing the answer right away. of course yoongi cares what jungkook’s father thinks. yoongi will always care what jungkook’s family thinks of him. he wants to make a good impression on them. he wants them to think highly of yoongi. “do you really have to ask?” he asked. “it’s the same reason why you cleaned your room, why you lit a candle, why you washed your sheets.”
jungkook pulled away from yoongi, startling yoongi. he turned around, finding jungkook’s shocked expression. “you want to fuck him?”
yoongi chortled before laughing, shoving jungkook’s shoulder as he moved away. “no, you idiot!” he laughed, turning to face jungkook. “i want to make a good impression on him. i want him to like me and accept me as your partner.”
jungkook’s shocked expression softened. “they already love you, hyung. what more of a good impression do you want to make? do you want them to call you son-in-law?”
yoongi scoffed loudly, too transparent for his own good. idiot, why would he say something like that? so careless, yoongi might fall in love with him. “look,” yoongi lifted a hand, trying to defend himself. “i just want them to think well of me. and it’s like you said. your father is a well respected editor, if he thinks well of my writings, it would mean a lot to me.”
jungkook smiled as he nodded. he held out his hand, yoongi taking it. jungkook pulled yoongi closer to him again, both of them laying down on the mattress, facing each other. jungkook leaned forward, pressing a kiss to yoongi’s lips. “lover, you’re too transparent for your own good,” he whispered. “they love you so don’t start writing for the pleasure of others. write because you love it, because it brings you pleasure. whatever you write, as long as it’s for you, will be as beautiful as you.”
yoongi let out a shaky sigh, that bloating feeling coming back again. especially now that jungkook was staring at him with those eyes. the patient, kind eyes that makes yoongi want to give jungkook everything. yoongi slid his hand over jungkook’s shoulder before holding the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. 
jungkook kissed him back, his hands sliding over yoongi’s ass, settling around his waist. yoongi kissed him deeper, sliding his tongue into his mouth. he lifted his leg, throwing it over jungkook’s hip, giving them more room to grind their crotches together. jungkook’s hands made their way down to yoongi’s ass, pressing their fronts more against each other. 
yoongi slid his fingers into jungkook’s hair, pulling on his hair slightly, their tongues sliding over each other. their kiss echoed in the room, jungkook pulling yoongi on top of him. yoongi used this change of angle to dip his hips down against jungkook, grinding his hard-on over jungkook’s, giving them both some friction. 
“hyung,” jungkook said, pulling away from their kiss to press his lips against yoongi’s jaw. “you’re so sexy.”
yoongi blushed, despite himself. he tilted his head as jungkook kissed and licked over his skin, yoongi feeling his body warming. “you’re not too bad yourself, prince charming,” yoongi said. jungkook chuckled on his skin, making yoongi shiver at the sensation. 
jungkook’s hands slid around to the front of yoongi’s body, sliding his palm over yoongi’s pulsing erection. “do you want to stop?” jungkook asked chivalrously. yoongi closed his eyes, grinding his hips down against jungkook’s palm. jungkook moved his palm up and down yoongi’s length, applying just the right amount of pressure to make yoongi breathless. 
“no,” yoongi replied. he shook his head, letting out soft sighs as he kept grinding against jungkook’s palm, craving more. “keep going. i’m not - please keep going.”
jungkook sucked hard against yoongi’s shoulder, his tongue coming out to sooth the skin. yoongi’s hands gripped jungkook’s hair, tugging hard on it. “how do you want it, lover? whatever you want,” jungkook kissed up yoongi’s neck, his lips pressing against his air. “you got it, hyung.”
yoongi shivered at jungkook’s voice in his air, only making him more feverish. he opened his eyes, finding jungkook’s eyes on him. he wondered how long jungkook had been staring at him. “i want,” yoongi swallowed. “i want you to - i want to ride your face.”
jungkook’s eyes quirked up, his lips turning up into a smirk. “are you sure, hyung? you didn’t last long the last time we did that.”
yoongi scoffed as he tugged on jungkook’s hair, making the man smirk even wider. “that’s because you insisted on jerking me off while you ate me out. i just - i just wanted to ride you peacefully.”
“peacefully,” jungkook shook his head with a smile, leaning over to kiss yoongi’s nose. “strip for me, hyung. show me what i’ll be feasting on.”
yoongi groaned as he got up on his knees, rolling his eyes as he started unbuckling his jeans. “please never say that again,” he chuckled, slowly pulling down his jeans, giving jungkook the show he wanted. jungkook’s eyes moved up and down his body, licking over his lips as he took in yoongi’s body. yoongi only blushed more as he took off his jeans, throwing them at the end of the bed. “is this what you wanted?”
jungkook chuckled as his hands reached out, sliding his hands over yoongi’s hips, and down over his bare ass. “yeah. ten out of five, hyung,” he grinned, leaning down to kiss yoongi’s lips. “you’re so handsome, hyung. can’t wait to make you feel good.”
yoongi let his hand slide down jungkook’s chest, feeling the edges of his lips turning up into a grin. “hold on, prince. i don’t want to be the only one naked,” he said. his hand slid down jungkook’s abdomen, using his palm to slide over jungkook’s erection. “strip for me, jungkook-ah. show me what i’ll be feasting on.”
jungkook’s cheeks turned pink, making yoongi stop as he took in jungkook’s blushing state. “hyung, you’re so sexy,” jungkook gushed as he looked away shyly. “that was - wow.”
“oh, don’t tell me that line worked on you! it’s so lame and cheesy!” yoongi laughed, leaning back on his elbows to watch jungkook start unbuckling his jeans. jungkook laughed, his smile shining brighter than anything yoongi could think of. for a moment yoongi forgot everything, just staring at jungkook smile. yoongi could only think of one thing - he could love jungkook. 
“you like this?” jungkook asked, gyrating his hips, over exaggerating his movements. yoongi broke out into a giggle, his mind forgetting his last thought. jungkook smiled as he moved over for a kiss. “you ready?”
yoongi hummed, kissing jungkook before smiling at him. “i’m ready,” he whispered. “as long as you don’t fuck me like that. it looked painful.”
“what? don’t like my moves?” jungkook teased, lifting yoongi from the bed, yoongi wrapping his legs around jungkook’s waist, kissing him instead of answering him. 
jungkook smiled into the kiss, his hands squeezing yoongi’s ass, sliding his tongue into the kiss. yoongi moaned softly, feeling jungkook’s erection pressing up against his ass cheeks. 
“how do you want to do this, hyung?” jungkook asked. “whatever you want.”
yoongi nodded, pushing jungkook on his back, his hands sliding under his shirt. jungkook met his gaze, cheeks still sporting a pretty pink. he smiled at yoongi as he waited for an answer or an action, whatever happened first. and it was in that moment that yoongi realized that jungkook not only makes him impatient, childish, and gassy. but jungkook made him happy. he made him feel safe and excited. like no matter what, everything will be okay. 
he also realized that these blushing thoughts were best indulged after the cigarette. 
“like this,” yoongi said, feeling his cheeks warming as he turned around, letting his ass face jungkook. he could feel his entire warming as jungkook’s chest rumbled with a short laugh, his large hands grabbing yoongi’s hips. “and no jerking off! i want - i’m going to last this time.”
jungkook let out a shaky breath through his nose, the air hitting yoongi’s lower back. “you’re so,” jungkook said but his hardened dick finished his sentence, twitching right by yoongi’s hand. yoongi wanted to reach out and touch it. tease the man a little but he resisted. 
“i’m going to move back a little,” yoongi spoke as he moved, jungkook helped guide him to his face. yoongi’s body was warm as jungkook’s large hands grabbed his ass cheeks, spreading them slightly. “wait until -“ his words were cut off by a loud moan, falling forward as jungkook licked over his hole. 
yoongi snapped his head around, blushing in embarrassment as jungkook gave him a sheepish smile. “i’m sorry!” he said. “it was right there!”
yoongi glared at him but didn’t say anything else, his heart pounding in his ears as he turned away. he swallowed nervously, his hands sliding down jungkook’s chest, his shirt stretching over the tip of his dick. “jungkook?”
“yes?” jungkook asked. “do you want to stop?”
he could love jungkook.
“no, i’m ready,” yoongi nodded at jungkook. jungkook smiled at him before disappearing from his sight. yoongi closed his eyes, gasping slightly as he felt jungkook press open mouth kisses to his ass, his hands kneading over his cheeks. 
“hyung, you spoil me too much,” jungkook said before licking over yoongi’s rim. yoongi moaned softly, arching his back, pushing himself more into jungkook. “letting me eat you out like this, you’re too good to me.”
jungkook spread yoongi more before slipping his tongue past his rim, making yoongi moan as he threw his head back, holding onto jungkook’s hips as he slowly started to build the courage to move his own hips. 
“fuck,” yoongi moaned, digging his nails into jungkook. jungkook licked around yoongi’s hole, sliding his tongue in and out. jungkook’s dick twitched often, the tip leaking pre-cum. yoongi wanted to touch jungkook but waited. if he touched jungkook too early, he won’t be stretched properly. they tried having sex without stretching yoongi properly and it only ended up with yoongi crying. jungkook was bigger than what yoongi was used to so it took yoongi a little longer to stretch enough for it to be pleasurable. at first, yoongi feared that jungkook would avoid sex but jungkook seamed unphased by it. it wasn’t until yoongi talked to jungkook that they had a long, deep conversation with each other. yoongi talked about his feelings and jungkook did too. even told him a story about jungkook’s first time and how his partner had shamed jungkook for ejaculating early. jungkook had been so embarrassed that he did everything he could to last longer, even admitted to edging himself - which is a thought for later - but they all fell apart. jungkook was desperate and embarrassed. he worked hard - believe it or not - to build endurance. jungkook had told yoongi this story, not because it still hurts him, but because he understood where yoongi was coming from. each partner is different. each person is different. jungkook promised to be patient with yoongi as long as yoongi promised the same. and he did. he promised without hesitating. 
he could love jungkook. 
“ah, fuck! yes, just like that,” yoongi moaned louder as he felt jungkook slip his finger in, his tongue moving around as well. yoongi moved his hips, back and forth, thighs trembling as his body burned with pleasure. all of yoongi’s flashbacks and memories pausing as he fucked himself back and forth on jungkook’s fingers. “more, fuck, just like that - jungkook, more!”
jungkook bit yoongi’s cheek, smirking on the skin as he continued to slide his finger in and out of his hole. “you’re so fucking sexy,” jungkook rasped out. “you sound so pretty, hyung. begging for more, cursing for more.”
yoongi opened his eyes, noticing scratch marks on jungkook’s abdomen. he used one hand to trace over the red marks, feeling as jungkook’s muscles twitched underneath his touch. 
“lube,” yoongi’s sentence was cut off by another moan, jungkook biting and sucking marks to the back of his thighs, slapping a hand down to his cheek. “fuck, more fingers! ah, jungkook - please!”
jungkook chuckled as he slipped his fingers out of yoongi, making him groan in frustration. “don’t worry, baby, i’ll make you feel nice.” jungkook patted around the bed until he found the lube, pouring some onto his fingers, and yoongi’s hole. 
yoongi glanced up at jungkook’s dick, neglected, and wet. he licked his lips before moving his body upward, taking in the tip. he let out a loud moan as he felt jungkook slip his fingers straight into his ass, his eyes rolling slightly. 
“fuck, baby, i’m - ah, just like that - ah, your mouth,” jungkook babbled like he always did whenever he got head. yoongi usually found it endearing but his dick was throbbing on his tongue, jungkook’s fingers fucking into him fast that he couldn’t think of anything else. 
he could love jungkook. 
well, almost anything. 
“deeper, baby,” jungkook instructed, which yoongi happily obliged. he slid his tongue around jungkook’s length, closing his eyes before taking him further down his throat. jungkook let out a soft moan, his fingers slowing down before quickly picking back up. yoongi moaned louder and louder as jungkook used another finger to fuck him, inserting his tongue sometimes, stretching yoongi further and further. 
yoongi was grinding his hips at a lost rhythm, too overwhelmed by everything. his neglected dick was moving from his stomach to jungkook’s chest, hardened, and leaking pre-cum. but yoongi didn’t care. he just sucked and fucked his throat and ass on jungkook. just let himself get lost in the pleasure. he needed more. craved more. 
“fuck, baby, keep that up and i could cum like this.”
yoongi blushed as he pulled up to the tip, sucking hard before pulling off completely. jungkook groaned as yoongi started to move away, climbing off jungkook’s body. 
jungkook got up on his elbows, worried eyes meeting yoongi’s darkened gaze. jungkook’s face said enough, always an open book. yoongi smiled softly, taking the hem of his shirt, and taking it off. jungkook’s eyes immediately fell on yoongi’s body, licking his lips. yoongi reached over and took off jungkook’s shirt, keeping his gaze. 
“are you going to fuck me?” yoongi whispered, sliding his hand down jungkook’s chest, all the way to his slicked dick. yoongi slowly jerked him off, making jungkook shudder as he kept yoongi’s gaze. 
jungkook smiled as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to yoongi’s lips. “always so impatient,” he whispered. “i was getting there.”
“said the one who almost came from a blowjob,” yoongi teased, wrapping an arm around jungkook’s neck, kissing him deeply. jungkook’s hands held his waist, swinging yoongi slowly until he was laying on the bed. the bed frame creaked, making both men smile at the familiar sound. 
“not just a blowjob,” jungkook said, holding himself over yoongi. he used his knee to spread yoongi’s legs, the man getting the clue, and wrapping them around jungkook’s waist, the anticipation building. “i was eating the juiciest peach.”
yoongi laughed, rolling his eyes, despite feeling his dick twitch. he was painfully hard but he was euphoric. he could cum just from hearing jungkook squirt more lube onto him. “you’re an idiot, i told you those lines don’t work on me,” he said. but they both knew that those cheesy lines were what got jungkook a date with yoongi. 
jungkook leaned down, kissing yoongi again before guiding himself between yoongi’s cheeks. yoongi gasped as jungkook slipped the
himself in, his legs tightening. “tell me when to move, baby,” jungkook whispered into yoongi’s ear, treating this part with gentleness ever since their impatient night. 
yoongi closed his eyes, turning his face into jungkook’s neck, smelling his cologne and favorite candy. yoongi hugged his chest, pressing a kiss onto his skin before nodding. “move,” yoongi whispered. 
jungkook let one of his hands hold yoongi’s waist before fucking into him.  yoongi gasped as he felt jungkook deep inside him, so full and so hard. yoongi moaned louder and louder, not holding back as jungkook thrust deeper and deeper into him. 
“yes, just like - ah, jungkook!” yoongi cried out, closing his eyes as he burrowed his face into jungkook’s scent, overwhelming himself with everything. 
with jungkook’s fucking, with jungkook’s smell, with jungkook’s touch - it was all building inside him, making yoongi feel warm and wanted. he was happy. he was in love. 
“fuck, hyung, you feel so good,” jungkook said as he lifted one of yoongi’s legs over his shoulder. “you always feel so good. baby, i could fuck you all day.”
yoongi laughed breathlessly because no, he wouldn’t and couldn’t. jungkook always fell asleep after the first round and if - by energy drink - they make it past the first round, they only go to the fourth round. but jungkook has a serious face that yoongi finds adorable. 
“what? don’t believe me?” jungkook laughed as lifted yoongi’s other leg, physically pulling yoongi’s body up and down the bed, thrusting deeper into him. yoongi moaned louder as the bed creaked, jungkook reaching forward and grabbing yoongi’s dick. “i’ll do it for you, baby. i’d do anything for you. as long as you feel good.”
yoongi whimpered as his dick twitched in jungkook’s hand. “close,” yoongi replied, “i’m going to cum.”
“yeah? cum for me, hyung. let me see how stunning you look.”
“fuck, jungkook,” yoongi gasped as he came all over jungkook’s hand, head thrown back. jungkook kept fucking into him, the bed hitting against the wall until he stopped. 
jungkook came inside yoongi, both men panting over each other. jungkook laughed breathlessly, yoongi opening his eyes to look at him. 
“this is why we could never study together,” jungkook said with a smile. his hands slowly moved over yoongi’s bare thighs. “you’re so beautiful, lover. you know that?”
yoongi smiled softly at him, this part always his favorite. after the buildup, after the sexy fog - this was yoongi’s favorite moment. it was just the two of them. just smiling like idiots at each other. 
“you’re just saying that because i let you eat my ass,” yoongi teased, sliding his hand up and down jungkook’s biceps. “thank you for your hard work.”
jungkook laughed as he shook his head. he leaned down to kiss yoongi, their lips melding perfectly. yoongi closed his eyes, feeling the word on the tip of his tongue. 
he could love jungkook. 
no, he did love jungkook. 
he loves jungkook. 
writer’s note thank you so much for reading! i wanted to post this one first but i couldn’t find the picture in my deleted folders and it was just a moment, really. hehe. thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed. stay safe!
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nattspencer · 4 years
Text
You finally came
Missy x Reader
Summary: The Reader is trapped and can’t see Missy for a lot of months, until the Time Lady can finally find her beloved.
A/N: English is not my first language, therefore I’m really sorry for any mistakes, let me know about them. Writing this was really fun and I had the opportunity to actually talk and meet who requested it, that was really awesome, you are really awesome, so I really hope you like and that this little thing brightens your day.
Warnings: Mental games, prison, lack of freedom, mention of anxiety and depression.
Word count: 2k
Not my GIF
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    The part you miss the most is the sun. Not only the brightness, the warmth, but also the way it paints the sky in orange and pink shades when it dusk and dawn. You miss the sky too, so gorgeously blue, all tones of it, changing slyly throughout the day, so imperceptive to the busy rushy lives below. You remember just laying for hours in the green grass in your childhood just to see the clouds, all different shapes and forms. Not to mention the smells, the fresh air, the leaves, petrichor. It brought you so much peace and you just miss everything.
    It’s just so very dark outside. No moons, no suns, no planets, just the black abism of the universe. It could drive someone mad. Maybe it’s driving you mad, maybe you just can’t see the difference between the telepathic illusions and the reality anymore. Who are you trying to fool? You are mad. Definitely human minds are not made to be frozen in time, or to be tortured by some sadistic maniac, and no, this time you’re not talking about your sadistic maniac, actually, all you desired was to see her face one last time. You’re talking about some other creature, some that you never even saw the face, but it was there, deep on your skull.
    Seems ages ago when it all happened. You and Missy were chased by a platoon of Judoon for months, and no matter what you do, they were always there, every time closer to catch the entire TARDIS with both of you inside. It was on one of these times that they finally got you in their hands. The Time Lady had fried the ship’s dematerialization circuit on the last escape and the spare one was a bit too difectful, she then contacted someone on some market that she didn’t have time to explain quite well to you, but of course, it was a trap. As soon as you got your hands on the piece, you were surrounded by Judoon's troops, all you had time to do was to hit her vortex manipulator, before they blocked it. The very last contact you had with her was though the psychic link she held on you.
    “I’m sorry Missy, I love you.” Seven words. That was all you were allowed to say until they blocked it too.
    There was no escape left, and in a blink of an eye, you were transported to their ship, completely surrendered. Even in such a situation the Time Lady didn’t leave your thoughts, how she could ever live like that, all the chase, all the trouble, there’s no use in both of you getting caught, so you made a decision. She gifted you with all time and space, it’s time for you to give something to her in return. You begged to the rhino creatures to let you serve her sentence, one prison two sentences, quite a good deal to be honest. From far behind  you an ice monotone voice agreed, it seemed to be the contractor, all was set to stone.
    Since then you live between the stone and metal walls, with only a little barred window where you could see the abism of nothing, sometimes you like to just stare at the little distantes spots of stars and try to connect the dots to form images, it was a good way to pass the days. Lights in the ground made the place backlighted and it was almost a bit cozy if it wasn’t all that existed there. You wish your body was working properly, almost all your metabolisms were frozen in time, probably only your brain were still working to keep you conscious, and it took months for you to relearn how to turn off and sleep but still you miss the taste of food. God, what wouldn’t you give for a piece of chocolate.
    As much as sleep makes you forget you’re here and numbs your pain, it also scares you to death. It wasn’t unusual for you to get nightmares, at times it felt that you weren't sleeping at all, the difference between them started to get fuzzy as the days passed by but Missy was present in every single one of them. Sometimes she would just laugh while she breaks all your bones, sometimes she would just spend hours mocking out loud all your flaws, insecurities and talking about how much she contempt you. Sometimes you saw her choking to death, sometimes she killed you, well, this last one stopped occurring these days, maybe they ran out of ideas, there’s a limited amount of ways to kill someone and you think you experienced them all.
    However, sometimes you just pretend she was there, plastic and static like a picture.. You would talk to her about your day, your difficulties, just to see another face around helps, especially that one you loved, although an answer never was expected, it reminded you too much about the nightmares. Sometimes you just imagined her laying with you on the floor of your cell and staring at the roof while you remember all the adventures you had with her, all the time and space, all the creatures, all the running and most of all, all your moments together. Even if you were just a casual sex to her, she was way more to you.
    Another ordinary day passed by, this time the nightmares were harder then the usual and you were afraid of everything. You would be crying if your tears hadn’t dried so long ago, now you were just writing on the wall, it became quite therapeutic thanks to the chalk you held in your pocket, but you only used it when it was really necessary to write your feelings down, too afraid that it could end when you needed the most. Suddenly a noise was heard and a new shadow could be seen by your side. It was happening again. You didn’t dare to look.
    “Y/N?” Missy’s voice called your name and you couldn’t suppress your body from recoling “Y/N!” The sound of her heels getting closer to you was deafening. Your elbows rested on your knees and your hands covered your head turning your body in a tiny little ball of fear. You were ready for the first assault when all it came was a caress stroke on your shoulder, still, you shivered in terror. “Hey baby girl, it’s me, it’s just little old Missy.” a gentile voice spoke.
    “It’s not, you’re not real, she didn’t come for me.” You said in a tiny trembling voice.
    “I did. I was looking for you restlessly, poppet, I finally found you.”
    “You’re just another mind game. What are you gonna do this time? Kill me again? Break all my bones? Tell me how disposable and useless I am? Go ahead, I’m waiting.” You’re getting sick of it, all you suffered wasn’t enough?
    “Oh baby, I’m so sorry about what you’ve been through… it’s all my fault, I shouldn’t let you come with me to that shop. Please look at me.” Her hand danced carefully between your curls. It’s been so long since anyone touched you like that.
    “Please, please go away or ruin me. I can’t take these games anymore. Please don’t give me hope, that’s all I ask.”
    “He’s dead, Vansell is dead, I killed him myself.” Her voice was bitter. “Neither he nor anyone will ever put their hands in a single hair of yours ever again. I promise.” Vansell? You never heard this name before. Finally you glanced at the woman kneeling by your side. “I could feel you know... all your pain, all your misery from our psychic link. I was powerless, completely useless, he blocked all my answers, I couldn’t send anything to you and that killed me. Please Y/N, believe me, I’m here. Truly. We can leave.” She was fully bared before you, no mask, no mocking, that was purely her. Suddenly a smell caught your nose.
    “What smell is it?” You couldn’t contain the question inside your mouth.
    “I-it’s your perfume. It reminded me of you” Her eyes drifted from yours in embarrassment and then it was the first time you allowed yourself to truly look at her. Missy was ruined. Big black bags laid beneath her tired blue eyes, her hair was frizzy and falled roughly from her coiffure, she was almost without any makeup, all seemed to fall out with time. You couldn’t imagine any of that, not the way it is in front of you. 
    “It’s really you?” Your voice was muffled with fear.
    “It’s me, baby girl, we can go home.” The Time Lady’s voice was cotton-candy soft.
    “I’m scared.” You stated frowning.
    “I know you are.”
    “I don’t think I can move. I waited for so long but now I’m just too anxious and terrified to do anything.” It was confusing, your body was confusing.
    “I’ll be by your side. We are going to have very difficult days, but I’ll be there. I got you. I’ll be your safe place, just like you became by when I needed the most.”
    “Y-you don’t have to. Just leave me on the earth, you don’t need a broken pet.” Your heart skipped a beat, you could never be so special to her.
    “The very last thing you said to me was ‘I love you’, let me prove to you that I feel that too. You became way more to be then just a pet, Y/N.”
    “You really came.” There was no doubt, even in your sweetest dream you could imagine that, your self-loathing would never allow you. Finally you let yourself smile, the first one in months.
    “I did. and I’ll always come to you.” Your faces were close, and slowly she leaned over you and met your lips with hers.
    This kiss was definitely different from the others you shared with her. It was slow, delicate, sweet, as if nothing matters to her more then be there with you. Her hands cupped gentilly your face and you could feel her hearts beating fast through her palms. Her tongue danced the most private waltz with yours, showing with every single moviment how much you meant to her. The entire world faded to you, there were no problems, no insecurities, no fears, it was just you and your safe place. Only when you two were complete out of breath your kiss was broken, and she rested her forehead in yours.
    “I can calm you down with a bit of hypnosis and we can go home, how does it sound?”
    “Oh, so you haven’t used it yet.” 
    “No. I would never use it without asking permission. You’re far too important.”
    “Then do it. I want to go home with you.”
    The first nights weren’t easy to go through. You were too afraid to sleep and suddenly realize you’re still on that cell and this wasn’t more than a dream, too afraid to wake up one day and realize that Missy wasn’t there. However, the Time Lady was indeed always there for you, dealing with every single one of your fears, lulling every single one of your nights, helping you with teas and hypnosis whenever it was needed. With time, bit by bit, you were getting back to be yourself again. And then, you asked to see one of the things you missed the most, the sunrise.
    Missy took you to the most marvelous place you ever saw. She was too excited that you wanted to leave the TARDIS and see something that, for her, it needed to be perfect. And it was. Two wonderful suns raised up upon the green valley mountains and warmed your skin, the sky was beautifully painted by orange, red and pink shades like in a masterpiece. The fresh wind blows your hair and fills your lungs with joy. Your favorite Time Lady wrapped her arms between your waist and rested her head on your shoulder standing behind you. Suddenly the realization falled on you, you’re finally free. A great view and your girl, that’s all you could ask for.
    You are free.
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mochasandwords · 4 years
Text
You Are Loved
Word Count: 1,561
Warnings: Sympathetic Remus, Sympathetic Deceit, Unsympathetic Roman, Unsympathetic Patton, self-deprecation, touch starvation, exclusion, crying, kidnapping (let me know if there is anything else!)
Ships: Unsympathetic Royality, Platonic Analogical, Eventual Intrulociet, Intruloceit
This is based on @strawberryjellystuff‘s angst comic. I hope I did ok!
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It started slowly.
A video or conversation he was excluded from. His favorite Disney movie watched without him. Only Virgil coming up to his room to check on him after he had taken a long work week holed up in his room. Strained smiles emerging when he entered the room.
Eventually bigger things happened.
Patton only setting the table for three because he ‘didn’t want to interrupt Logan while he was at work’. Being excluded from game and movie night more and more, as his alarm had been shut off mysteriously on multiple occasions. Roman and Patton embarrassing him on camera. No longer being asked for help because someone had told Thomas that he was ‘too busy’ nowadays.
Logan knew he wasn’t cared about anymore.
Sure, Virgil was still kind and open to him, but strained smiles and sharp glares from Roman and Patton kept Virgil’s mouth shut when all four were together. Which had become very rare. The only reason Logan hadn’t ducked out or just locked himself in his room was that he had the slightest sliver of hope that he could be good enough for the others.
Ironic that logic felt hope.
Logically, Logan should have left a while ago, as it would’ve rid Thomas from the restlessness he felt whenever Logan was with the others, but stupid, irrational hope stayed. Logan tried his best to push down the hope, and slowly he was. He was currently standing in front of his mirror, running through the facts in his mind.  
“You’re logic. Thomas doesn’t need to see you to feel you. Making Patton and Roman uncomfortable and even angry only makes Thomas uncomfortable. Virgil has gotten strong enough to hold his own and would be taken care of better with Patton. His emotions would be listened to. Thomas doesn’t ask for my help and has been doing fine.” Logan recited the facts, staring at himself, “Thomas didn’t even like the help you tried to give about lifestyle. Logic is needed but Logan is not.”  
“Lo?” Came a soft voice from the other side of his door. Logan glanced at his clock. 1:30 am.  
“Yes?” Logan replied. He walked to his door. Virgil stood in the hallway, eyes darting from side to side.
“Can I come in?” Virgil asked. After a moment of hesitation, Logan nodded and closed the door behind Virgil.  
“Nightmares?” Logan asked. Virgil shook his head.  
“Felt more anxious than normal. You ok, Lo? You look like you’ve been crying.” Virgil asked softly. You’re keeping the others up. The thought flashed through Logan's mind and he set a mental reminder to write down that mess up later.  
“I can assure you, Virgil. I am fine.” Logan said calmly, wiping at his face. Had he been crying? Logic shouldn’t feel emotions. Another to write down.  
“Logan. It’s not fair how Roman and Patton treat you.” Virgil blurted out. Logan sighed and put his hand on Virgil's shoulder.  
“Don’t waste time worrying about me. I’ll be fine, Virge.” Logan said. Virgil opened his mouth to retort, but Logan shook his head.  
“Go back to bed. I’ll calm down soon. I just had a bad night. We don’t want Patton or Roman finding out that I kept you up.”
“I don’t give a damn!” Virgil growled.  
“Virgil, please. I’m fine. Go back to bed.” Logan sighed, exhaustion crashing down on him.
“I need to as well,” Logan muttered. Virgil pursed his lips but nodded. He turned to leave, then whipped around and pulled Logan into a hug. Logan inhaled sharply and held back the groan that wanted to escape his mouth. The touch felt so good. Logan let himself pat Virgil on the head once.
Virgil pulled back hesitantly before exiting the room. Logan put his arms around himself to try and make some semblance of warmth. Get a grip. He grit his teeth and walked to his bed, collapsing on it and wrapping a blanket around himself. It was close enough to bodily warmth
Suddenly two pairs of arms wrapped around him and pulled him toward the floor of his room. Logan grunted in surprise as he was dragged down. He felt himself pass through the barrier that kept the Light Sides and Dark Sides apart. A blindfold was thrown around his eyes and he was pushed into a chair.
His heart rate shot up, as names of who the kidnapper was raced through his mind. Roman, Patton. He gulped and tried to calm himself down. 7-4-8. No, wait. Wasn't it 4-7-8? Yeah. Logan’s breath was ragged as he ran through the exercise.
“He’s scared, Dee! Golly, I didn’t know I could do that.” Remus giggled. Logan instantly relaxed, slipping down in his chair as low as his dignity would let him.
“I think so too Remus.” Deceit tisked, “I think it was you.” Logan’s blindfold was lifted, and he had to blink at the bright lights.  
“Deceit. Remus. What is the meaning of this?” Logan demanded. To be honest, he was a bit afraid. While these two weren’t as bad as Patton and Roman, but they could still be dangerous.
“We wanted to rattle the Light Sides a little. You stole one of ours. Only fair we do the same! And maybe a bit more.” Remus smirked, shimmying. Deceit rolled his eyes.
“Yes.” He sighed, “Remus is partially correct. We wanted you all to feel how we felt when you took Virgil from us.” Deceit snarled.
“So you want to get revenge on the Light Sides by taking... me? Why not take Virgil back?” Logan asked.
“Eh, too predictable. We wanted to take someone very important to the Light Sides!” Remus chittered and Logan couldn’t stop himself from flinching.
“So! How does it feel to wait for your little Light Sided friends to rescue, huh Logey??????” Remus bounced with Deceit standing behind him with a skeptical look on his face. Logan couldn’t hold back the laugh. Patton's strained smile and Roman's barely hidden envy and hate flashed in his mind.
“Don’t even bother to wonder about it. They won’t come for me, Remus. You’ll see.”
“Nonsense!!! I’m sure they’ll come in a heartbeat!” Remus laughed, sinking out. Deceit remained, staring at Logan with a confused expression.
“You’re not lying.” He whispered.
“They don’t love me as much as they love Virgil. Or as much as you and Remus love each other.” Logan chuckled. Deceit walked closer and leaned down to Logan’s level. Logan’s heart started to beat faster. Deceit was so close. All Logan had to do was lean forward and their foreheads would be touching. Logan could reach up and grab Deceit’s arm. Logan yearned for Deceit to move closer. He needed to be touched.
“You must be misguided.” Deceit said with a hiss of breath, pulling away, “You are essential to Thomas. And you don’t hinder him in any way, so they don’t see you as a Dark Side. They won’t panic. Just watch.”
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Days passed slowly and no one came. Remus and Deceit made sure Logan had everything a side needed, water, food, blankets, and a pillow. They had even given him books. (Though Remus’ were a bit more... voluptuous.) The thing was, with the silence of being in the Dark Side kitchen 24/7, Logan’s thoughts had time to run wild. Without something to write his thoughts on-. His breath sped up and panic settled in. He needed to get the thoughts out of his mind. All of them building up would harm Thomas and make him more self conscious and-.
Logan shook his head. It’s ok. Everything will be ok. Thomas is probably doing better with me not in the Light Side area. And this distress can’t get to him from here. Yeah. This is better. Logic is without emotions. I’m still serving my purpose. I’m doing better than normal, in fact. How long have I been here?
“A week.” Came a snarl. Logan flinched.
“I apologize, I didn’t realize I spoke,” Logan muttered.
“Logan,” Remus said quietly. Logan hummed in response and looked up, glasses slightly falling down his nose. He was surprised to see tears running down Deceit and Remus’ face.
“You are NOT going back there. EVER.” Remus growled, moving to Logan and pulling him up from his chair. Logan gasped loudly at the contact.
“If they won’t love you, we will.” Deceit hissed, going to Logan’s other side and hugging him. Remus joined in. Logan couldn’t move, he was so overwhelmed. He started to collapse, but Deceit and Remus were ready. They helped him to the floor slowly.  
“Logan, we’re so sorry.” Deceit whispered, surprisingly soft.
“We should’ve kidnapped you sooner,” Remus said, burying his head into Logan’s neck. Logan sighed and let himself relax. He felt tears stream down his face. He tried to wipe them away but an arm stopped him.
“Logan. You don’t have to hide anymore.” Deceit whispered. Logan started to sob. The contact felt so good. He could feel their love and anger waving off of them.
“I don’t deserve-.” He tried to choke out.  
“Shhh.” Remus hushed, hand caressing Logan’s face.
“Yes, you do.” Deceit smiled sadly, “That is no lie.”
“You’re gonna be okay. We promise.”
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